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cookii-moon · 27 days

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Introducing… the Perfectly Neurotypical Ninja!!!

(I had an idea and thought it’d be funny)

our first incredibly neurotypical ninja is…

✨ JAY! ✨

Has zero volume control whatsoever

He can NOT be quiet for the life of him

There is no way he doesn’t have some form of anxiety disorder

Like his entire panic and fear definitely seem like anxiety to me

Has a plushie he still sleeps with for comfort and is emotionally attached to (which is super real of him honestly)

Panic attacks

He DEFINITELY has hyperfixations

Have you just seen him in general

That one short where he just starts running around on the roof

Also that one time he and Kai were supposed to train and got distracted by competition (Actually this could probably apply to all the ninja because they do this type of thing all the time)

Got so hyperfixated on dancing games that he learnt how to dance

I don’t think he can sit still it just doesn’t seem possible to me

(I’m not a Jay fan so I can’t point to much else off the top of my head but we’re all in agreement there’s no way he’s neurotypical right?)

Okay never mind, our FIRSt neurotypical ninja is…

✨ COLE! ✨

Talks to himself. A lot.

No seriously he talks to himself so much

Professional school dropout

Gets along great with animals and people who don’t fit in

Probably has owned a pet. Or five. (Probably a cat or a reptile) (he came around to them eventually and now he loves them) (dogs are too energetic and loud)

Most likely has depression

Definitely has sensory issues there’s no way he doesn’t

That one time he nearly had a breakdown from being overwhelmed. (Points to core shorts)

Dislikes metaphors (canon)

Wears the exact same hoodie without fail in every single episode where he has to wear civilian clothing (I think it’s a comfort thing at this point)

Probably taught himself several different ninja things he had no need to learn (why can he fight with a sword and nunchucks when he never uses either of them outside of a single special) (this also applies to shields and staffs and throwing stars but those are at least practical)

He says it’s to prepare but really he did it for fun

Has somehow not discovered his ninja special interest yet

(he physically can’t do anything else it’s too boring) (even when he’s not ninjaing he needs to practice once a day minimum or else he explodes)

Dances when happy/excited (definitely not a stim)

Immediately starts telling Jay about dancing when he enters the contest in a very excited manner (definitely not infodumping)

Has caused several misunderstandings due to bad social skills (he can NOT read the room for the life of him)

His best friend is Jay.

(even if he’s not autistic there’s no way this guy is neurotypical.)

(these are not the actions of a neurotypical person we’re all in agreement of that right)

Whoops… uh…never mind…our FIRST!!!! Neurotypical ninja…

✨ NYA! ✨

Terrified of failure

Like it haunts her she does NOT want to fail she has an entire arc devoted to it

Has a hard time letting go of things (she holds grudges A LOT)

This also includes things of sentimental value like Samurai X

Change is difficult for her just in general

SUPER stubborn

Definitely has a schedule that she envisions in her head but forgets to tell everyone else

(that short where she planned to spend time with Jay but he was going to the arcade)

Short temper especially on bad days

The more I write this the more I realize how little characterization she actually gets for most of the series

Justice for Nya honestly

(I’m assigning her neurodivergence I don’t care how short this is)

(I think autistic. But spicy.)

(probably also anxiety or OCD)

(do you see the vision)

….Okay so maybe not that one either- Uh… our FIRST!!! Neurotypical !!! Ninja!!!

✨ KAI! ✨

Has anger issues. Probably.

Super impulsive

No like incredibly impulsive. Ultra impulsive.

Craves attention but has really bad self worth issues

Hinges his worth on his powers (not healthy)

Wanted to be useful so badly that he convinced himself he’d get powers if he drop kicked Garmadon (it did not work)

Did I mention anger issues

Wants to be useful so he can protect!!!

That one time he and Jay were supposed to be training and-

Has zero patience

(I don’t know what flavor of neurodivergent he is but he’s neurodivergent somehow)

(once again I don’t pay attention to Kai there’s definitely more)

…Okay so this time for sure. Introducing FOR SURE our FIRST neurotypical ninja….

✨ ZANE! ✨

Do I even need to say anything

The entire episode “Home”

Social skills

Taking things literal

That one canon (?) book where he apparently has flashbacks to the ice emperor (im calling OCD or PTSD on that one Zane)

Also that one time he locked away bad memories in decoded (decoded is canon to me and the reason for that is mainly because it actually references ghost Cole (iirc) which is a miracle)

Yeah I think he has PTSD

that one time he hyperfixated on and roleplayed as a detective and then a pirate

probably more. Maybe.

That one’s a robot he’s disqualified. The FIRST, FOR SURE, NO MISTAKES, neurotypical ninja is…

✨ LLOYD! ✨

The fact he apparently has so much of starfarer memorized that he can nearly win a quiz contest thingy and the only thing that stopped him from doing that was that he hadn’t read a brand new limited edition issue

starfarer in general he is not normal about starfarer

Way too trusting for his own good

I would be more surprised if he didn’t have some sort of disorder considering everything he’s gone through

hes got to have at least something related to his trauma right

(This one is way shorter because. Again. Not a Lloyd fan. but. I think the starfarer thing is enough to push him into probably not neurotypical territory.)

(most kids do not know the entire plot and all the fun facts to a long running comic book series by heart)

Are you kidding me none of them are neurotypical?

Okay ne- what do you mean the last one

there’s those ones over there!!!! *points to Arin, Sora and wyldfyre*

Oh wait they’re also neurodivergent?

…..uuuuugh shows canceled then…. Sigh… Guess I’ll start up the Incredibly Neurodivergent Ninja show instead.

(disclaimer this is a joke)

(but they are all neurodivergent that part isn’t)

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formulatrash · 10 days

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you need to shut the fuck up forever i think. watcher makes at LEAST ~1.2mil a year via patreon ALONE. over-employment and saturation of the workplace is a BAD thing for everyone involved. its basic business. literally no one is saying they shouldnt get paid for their content. BECAUSE THEY ARE. THEY ARE GETTING PAID. they get plenty of ad revenue and again. patreon. they want to be dropout so bad but they simply do not have the consistent fanbase for it. watcher has only existed on youtube for like two years and their viewer base has been stagnant for months they genuinely fumbled so hard. also steven is so annoying and no one wants to fund his waste of money content which is just him traveling and eating expensive food. bye

there's so much going on here. the figure from the Patreon keeps being doubled every time I see someone "quote" it. there's 5880 paid subscribers so averaging the tier levels and assuming the majority of people are on the £8.5 one (probably) then that's just shy of £50k a month, which is like 600k per year (roughing it here) that works out about $740,000 per year before corporation tax etc.

I get that there are lots of Shane and Ryan fans who think people hate Steven and his content and that no one wants a new Worth It. this is not true. lots of people want a new Worth It. Worth It is an incredibly beloved show. if you hate Steven so much you don't want to watch it: don't do that. but Shane and Ryan chose to work with him, so unless you're going to get a time machine and prevent dead-eyed venture capitalists gutting Buzzfeed until they all got so desperate they had to leave, that's how it is.

also "saturation of the workplace" "overemployment" give me strength I didn't realise so many tumblr girlies (gn) were taking majors in corporate bullshit. creating secure jobs in industries that have historically never had them is a good thing. bucking the trends that the Buzzfeed guys saw when they were there, of repeated corporate takeovers bleeding every drop out of the content they'd bought just to drop it once its exsanguinated corpse stopped flowing, is a good thing.

I already addressed the ad revenue thing but given the likelihood of demonetisation in many of their videos there's a strong chance that for the 12.4 million views of Watcher videos in the last 30 days, YouTube collected ad revenue but didn't pay out more than $10k or so. 12.4 million views man, that's a lot. even if (extremely unlikely, quite a lot of the content will be demonetised because of what it is) they got the full amount it'd be less than the Patreon ($32k pre corp tax) so idk man! doesn't seem like very much to be running a company on if you can do basic maths.

but sure let's demand they fire people so they can carry on hand over income to Google, who has decided their content doesn't deserve them seeing payment, instead of employing people to make the shows they want to. you guys are honestly sucking so much corporate dick right now and it's incredible.

#misc asks #also the whole Steven thing has a strong racist tone to it some of you really need to shut the fuck up

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twiddlebirdlet · 1 year

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I don't know him, but he strikes me as the type of guy to think he knows better than just about everyone else in the room, and tells them how to do their jobs.//

Thank you thank you! I’ve had this theory for a while that Chris has a complex about not having gone to college, so he has to incredibly overcompensate in trying to make people think he’s smart.

I also suspect this inferiority complex is also at the root of the downfall of his relationship with Jenny. Unlike his other exes, she had a degree (Ivy League even!) And at first he thought it was exciting to date someone who could converse and have well formed opinions etc. But as time goes on, the gap in their education becomes apparent. He can’t pontificate at her because she has the knowledge and resources thanks to her education to lobby it back and him, and he can’t handle that.

And along comes Alba, a high school dropout. I’m not saying she’s dumb, but she’s a definitely going to lack the life and educational experience of someone even 5 years older who has a degree. And if you read some of her interviews she does a lot of the same stuff Chris does, throw around a collection of words straight off a word of the day calendar to try to sound smart and deep. But they aren’t ideas that either of them came up with when they do that, they are just parroting ideas they think sound meaningful.

Plus with the age difference, Chris can really get his “let me educate you and lecture you” rocks off introducing her to all these things that he likes that she has no cultural touchstone for because they happened before she was born. Ghostbusters, Super Mario, probably his favorite 80’s music, etc. He’s not interested in shared life experience, he wants someone with less life experience so he can feel smart for introducing them to ideas and things.

Which, I have no love for Alba, but she’s not a prop for Chris to work out his inability to not be the smartest one in the room. And someday she’ll look back and realize that’s what she was.

Bingo.

Honestly, it's a plain as day. Thank you for saying this.

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selkiecoded · 11 days

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seeing the initial responses to watcher announcing theyre moving to a subscription model is interesting. its only been like twenty minutes but still. honestly, its something i called at least a good couple days ago when they announced more hires, primarily because of the obvious and incredibly similar success of collegehumor shifting to the subscription service of dropout tv. like, theyre even priced pretty much the same. its obvious who and what theyre taking inspiration from.

i think their main problem is that if i have my information correct, a lot of dropouts popular shows originated on dropout, behind a paywall from the get go. watcher, instead, built on the reputation of several years worth of youtube content, is moving new seasons of previously free shows behind a paywall. a bit of a different audience expectation. and hoo boy, are members of the audience mad.

#they have good will in the same way dropout tv does‚ but not in the same context.#so we'll see how that change in context changes the good will.#im not subscribing. im not subscribed to dropout either. dont exactly have the money.#so i think its a predictable choice considering their history/examples. but oh man. oh man. they are going to lose so many viewers.

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utilitycaster · 6 months

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Thank you for pinpointing what’s bugged me about some of the WBN coverage. Don’t get me wrong I love the show so far, I’m happily a patreon supporter, but for me the appeal is getting to see these specific performers in a longform campaign, not that a longform setup itself is Revolutionary. And it feels like people don’t know how to just appreciate it as a well made show without also belittling all the other shows who have spent years establishing actual play as a genre?

I think it's fortunately just the journalistic coverage that's been weird - the fandom has been largely fine - but it's like...for real yeah the appeal is that these four people are in a regular longform campaign together. It is otherwise super standard D&D, which is honestly more often longform than not in Actual Play. It's got incredible production and editing, the worldbuilding and character prep are exceptional, and you can genuinely praise it as a particularly great example of an existing format without acting like it invented the medium.

(with that said re the wbn fandom being chill, I've never gotten the point of the rivalries that develop between the actual play fandoms either. Matt and Marisha have been on D20 and various CR members have been on other Dropout shows; half the Intrepid Heroes cast have been on Critical Role in some capacity; Brennan playtested Hollow One on NADDPod which is put on by two members of the Intrepid Heroes cast; The McElroys have done work with Brennan, Aabria, and Matt as GMs and have been on D20, every single person on WBN has been on Critical Role in either the main campaign or an EXU as well as at least one one-shot. The Los Angeles Actual Play Celeb Circle all know each other and it's weird to act like this is a competition because they guest star in each other's stuff constantly. The biggest reason I've never checked out Friends at the Table is not because of any qualms about the show but because that fandom has such a reputation of being a repository of people bitter about one of the above that I don't think it would be enjoyable.)

#answered #Anonymous #ok and now to bed for real

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loving-jack-kelly · 7 months

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Yo!! Hello!!! I am like 90% sure I've seen you post about dimension 20 before!!

I just got a dropout subscription and I'm thriving but I am looking for advice for where to start/go with the dnd-verse on it? I'm assuming that the separate campaigns are relatively stand-alone but I would love an opinion (or just input on what the actual chronology is lmao)

hehe sleeper phrase discovered i'm honored you came to me :)

so the first thing to know which you probably already do is that there is a main returning cast for some seasons, and then some campaigns are a different group with an occasional different dm. the Intrepid Heroes are Lou Wilson, Zac Oyama, Brian Murphy, Ally Beardsley, Siobhan Thompson, and Emily Axford with Brennan Lee Mulligan dming, so they play as that exact group multiple times. There's usually one or two of them in a non-main-cast campaign, too, including Brennan sometimes as a player when somebody else is dming.

So! In terms of watch order! I recommend starting with Fantasy High because it's the original campaign and also fantastic. There are currently two seasons, Fantasy High and Fantasy High: Sophomore Year, and they are both masterpieces. We're also getting Junior Year this winter which is extremely exciting for me personally because I Love Fantasy High lol. Fantasy High is a great starting point especially if you're new to dnd/dnd actual play shows (which you may not be so feel free to disregard this bit of advice lol) because multiple players are learning how to play in the first season, so there's plenty of opportunity to learn with them. It's also generally pretty light-hearted and funny, though it doesn't sacrifice story for comedy which I love. If you don't know, the concept of Fantasy High is that these young teenagers live in a world where everywhere else is a stereotypical fantasy world but their country is like. Classic high school Americana. It's silly, the characters are great, the storylines are great and only get better in Sophomore Year, it's an all around great time and great intro to D20!

I went right from Fantasy High to Unsleeping City, which is also fantastic (you'll notice a recurring theme here, I love every campaign I've watched so far lol). If you like the lighter parts of Fantasy High but want a little bit more tension, Unsleeping City is perfect. It's set in modern-day New York with a twist: there's a magical underside to the city. Lots of fantastic commentary on modern life in the storytelling that slaps, I won't spoil but it slaps, and also really wonderful characters! Unsleeping City also has two seasons, so you get to see the characters grow and change a lot over two full plotlines which is very fun!

If you like the more serious side of things, my personal favorite D20 campaign is A Crown of Candy. I watched this third and it made me cry hard enough at work that my boss asked if I was okay lol. The set-up is simple: fantasy world made of food, but make it Game of Thrones. It's intense, the stakes are high from episode one, it's incredibly character driven and everybody plays really, really interesting characters, and because of how high-stakes it is, every payoff is just insane. We all talk about Ally's poetic nat 20s and believe me, they exist, but Mr. Lou Wilson (love of my life) has a nat 20 near the end of A Crown of Candy that genuinely made me feel so crazy when it happened that I had to take a walk lol. Cannot recommend it enough, it's devastating and perfect.

A Starstruck Odyssey is really good again if you like the lighter end of thing but still want stakes and tension! The world is based of comics that Brenna's mom wrote which is really sweet, and it's a very different vibe because is sci-fi instead of pure fantasy, which is honestly really fun. Some of the characters are up there on my favorites list, shoutout to Skipper and Sundry Sydney!

In terms of the campaigns that aren't Intrepid Heroes, the first one I listened to was Misfits and Magic, which is a Harry Potter spoof dmed by Abria Ayangar, who's fantastic, and featuring Brennan as an utterly unhinged in the best way player. There's also Mice and Murder, which is a super great mystery with anthropomorphic animals that was shot on zoom over the first lockdown (a few seasons were so don't be shocked by that lol). I'm a bit more than halfway through A Court of Fey and Flowers which has been great so far, and I'm super looking forward to getting to The Ravening War, which is a prequel to A Crown of Candy, and Mentoplis, as well as the current season, Burrow's End. I have to watch Neverafter first though, which is the most recent Intrepid Heroes campaign.

Anyway! To summarize!

My advice is to start with Fantasy High and Fantasy High: Sophomore Year, and then pick which elements you liked best to decide what you want next! All of the campaigns that aren't explicitly linked are completely standalone, like I'm not missing anything important from the one's I've watched by not having watched some of the others, so don't worry too much about chronology or anything like that! The only ones that need to be watched in a specific order are the two with two seasons already, which are Fantasy High and Unsleeping City, but those are labelled quite clearly with season titles! Also if it's easier to keep track of, Dropout has the campaigns sorted into their own shows on the site so you don't have to choose seasons of D20, you can just choose A Crown of Candy.

PLEASE update me as you watch! I love love love talking D20 lol it's one of my favorite shows like ever!!

#dimension 20 #dropout #d20 is so so so good have SO much fun watching!!! the important thing is it doesn't matter how you watch just have fun with it!

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pleasetiemyshoelaces · 1 month

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Yeah, I’m pretty sure that Lily has often said many times before that she either never went to college or was a college dropout. Hell, I’ve always thought that she was a HIGH SCHOOL dropout and never even went to college at all! I think she used to actually claim that a while back, but it’s honestly incredibly difficult to keep LO’s constantly changing fanfics about herself straight. Considering literally anything about her though, it’s the least unsurprising thing in the world that she ended up dropping out. That abusive dipshit would be an absolute nightmare to be around for even ONE fucking semester!

Im the highschool dropout took off in grade 12 to go sleep on the street

Lily was fsat tracked through public school. Didnt matter if she showed up for class, did the work, took her tests.

they gave her barely passing marks to get her off to the next year and out of their hair

nobody wanted her a second year as a student she was a miserable cunt

She wasnt invited to graduation though lol Cuz nobody wanted her there

#courtney orchard #courtney peet #lily orchard #lily peet

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unsleepingtales · 2 months

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Vulture Dimension Time I’ve got my ice cream let’s do this it’s our time it’s our year

Everyone’s outfit is Fantastic today

Some good ol fashioned summer fun

The vulture dimension is great right

They’re actually doing this. I keep thinking oh they’ll just do a normal episode but no they’re fully gonna do this but for however long it takes

That’s such a fair assumption gorgug. I would also think I had died.

Why did you do this to yourselves

‘It’s not gonna work any other way than the way I want it to’ this is so Brennan’s revenge

All that buildup <3

Trans joke trans joke

From the vibe they all had. Absolutely.

Love gorgug trying to do plot things in the vulture dimension

Oh Zac is GONE

Are these real

HOMEBREW ALERT: Feather of the Vulture King: Breaking this oily feather summons 1d4 vultures. They are not under your command.

I want these items so badly.

Cassandra glowed from that??

Oooh new battle board camera angle!!

It’s not yesterday! What a good motivational statement.

Devastating.

God he hit her for 20 dmg off a cantrip and she did 22 from a 5th level spell that really is devastating

Woooo hit himmm

Get off my lawn!

Gorgug has So much to be mad about here

(Brennan rolling too many dice)

One of my favorite things about dropout are the captions <3

Riz giving his silvery barbs advantage to Fabian after the bardic/least favorite friend exchange is. I’m thinking and feeling things.

Nat 20 luck check is incredible

Ally.

THIRTY NINE

NICELY DONE FABIAN

So… what happens at school now?

Go homeeeee get out of my house

What are you doing baby girl

Why are you doing this

Emily you HAVE a nose piercing. It’s not a septum but cmon.

DO YOU HAVE A WARRANT

Gorgug is so done I love him so fucking much

I am the exact same way when it’s been too long a day with too many things.

GET HIS COP ASS GORGUG

Oh the identify spell has a radio filter on now that’s fun

What’s threatening the existence of the school at the folk festival?

Riz art hiiiiiii

Siobhan’s outfit is so great

Red light??

Copperlilly caterpillar <3

Three cheers for stage tech arcana.

Like the 24 point stars from the book?????

Enchantment effect?

OH MY GOD

Rage effect. Fucking hell.

I so wish I could hear about spells being cast through concerts without thinking of uhv. Unfortunately I cannot.

Guys. Guys.

No! Eat it now! Don’t give him hot sauce mom!

Just fun videos to look back on

Nobody noticed Zac saying Kristen the rats can’t vote and that’s criminal bc it was SO funny

He frenched the vulture king

How good can a rat’s history check possibly beeeee

Ooooh Lucy was doing necromancy?

There’s definitely not a rat world under the school 💀

Awwwww

Spot needs to be the next d20 plushie

Oh god

Oh nooooo

Gross

RIP Spot 💔

THAT TRAILER EDIT WAS SO CLEAN

ALSO WHAT THE FUCK THOUGH

She died so recently ok

Add it to the fucking pile

Fig’s dad is an archdevil I think she can afford wizard class

HELLO????

An unholy last rites. That’s so fucked.

Oh SHIT okay

Did Lucy’s party turn on her?

Holy shit that’s intense

Here there be giants?

Christ

Work a miracle Kristen

Who’s the fuckin turncoat man

God they’re so good at being teenagers

Kristen just literally saved someone’s soul. Good lord.

Saint Kristen Applebees.

Oh my god.

Holy shit! Nice job Kristen!

I hope they can reach Cassandra somehow. I honestly can’t tell if the resolution of this arc is letting them go or finding them through work and either one is beautiful but I love Cassandra and I want them to be okay.

Where do you live 😭

Oh godddd

They’re being really inconsistent with the days of the week and I can’t tell if it’s on purpose time quangle/exhaustion stuff or if it’s just a mistake. Like, the party was on a Friday night and then the next day was Sunday. The festival was on a weekend day and then the next day was also a Saturday. It’s bugging me.

Yeesh.

DID THE DIRT MAKE HIM MAD (am I overthinking this)

Consigliere of the geeks

Sklondaaaaaa

Devastating

I’m unbelievably wealthy and me and my friends just discovered the site of a double homicide #justgirlythings

Fabian is taking care of them and I love him so much for it

Please please please

YAYYYY PORTENT

Oh I just read such a nice fic about Adaine studying barbarian stuff with Gorgug <3

HE CAN DO THIS

Teddy bear of helpfulness holds concentration, would he be able to use that whole raging?

Gorgug Thistlespring my BELOVED

I felt weird about being mad 😭😭

But he doesn’t burn and pillage and murder! That’s not how the bad kids adventure

God porter annoys me

WOOOOOOO GET THAT MCAT

The Last Stand exam

oh god if Kristen gets moved to pass/fail what happens to the others

Oh fuck Gorgug

RIZZZZZ

HES THE ONLY ONE ALLOWED TO TAKE STRESS FOR OTHERS

Henry encouraging gorgug to build a time machine?

Oh thank god he’s still on the owlbears

I think I have to lie down. He’s me.

The fact that their relationships with their parents are suffering because of this is fucking heartbreaking

Bitch fuck all the way off ok

It’s fine it’s all fine everything’s peachy I love my life 🥲

Awwww is Aelwyn gonna visit Adaine at work

ALSO Cait May said Aelwyn’s art was based on her mini. Which means we’re gonna see an Aelwyn mini. Which I’m so excited for.

Glad to see Aelwyn is still Aelwyn

Oh nooo

CLAMFACE CUNTHEAD

CLAMHEAD CUNTFACE

What in the worldddddd

COTTONCANDY BITCHFUCK

Adaine Abernant and Siobhan Thompson I love you so so much

Yeah what does happen if Gorgug is affected by the rage magic.

It’s our time! It’s our year!

#fantasy high junior year #reactions #verbal component

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shadyhouse · 2 years

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its so funny to me how seriously people used to take breaking bad when it was first coming out but im watching it now for the first time as an adult and like. idk if im just desensitized to fucked up media but this is the most whimsical fantasy cartoon-esque character building ive ever seen in a drama show and that IS NOT a bad thing at all, its honestly super incredible and inspiring and impressive to me! because its JUST realistic enough to hook you in, the stakes are REAL the inspiration for these things are REAL but theyre just slightly tweaked and heavily exaggerated in the most interesting way, but sometimes it really hits you.... they have characters such as but not limited to: identical twin assassins. meth kingpin who is also the manager of a kfc. stereotypical big guy cop husband and small nagging wife duo like in every other sitcom at the time (gone wrong!!!)..... like...... he's a freaking CHEMISTRY TEACHER working with his DROPOUT STUDENT it doesnt get any more wacky than that!!! what will happen to walter and jesse in the next episode!!!! be sure to tune in next week!!!!

#sorry every time i watch a new movie i become more pretentious and this feels like i just watched 20 movies in a row sooooo #also im stoned so my brain feels massive unfortunately #(plz no spoilers also im only at the end of season 3)#(or go for it idc its a decade old show thats on me for not knowing if i get spoiled 😳)

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bunky-writes · 1 year

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Chapter 5:

“And Fall”

Two and a half months have gone by. That’s roughly 75 days, in hours that would round up to about 1.800 hours. It’s therefore been 1.800 hours since I’ve felt the sun. Its heat, how it spreads across your body, and your eyes automatically close due to the soothing feeling. It’s also been 1.800 hours since I’ve smelled the fresh air, salty winds from the beach, baked goods in the city, and that wet pavement scent after a summer shower.

I never thought I’d long to feel sand between my toes. I hate sand, it gets everywhere. The people who like sand between their toes are insane and should get therapy.

Speaking of therapy, my nightmares have not let up. I’m not sure when they got worse. Most of the time if I have a nightmare, I won’t sleep for the rest of the night. There’s no use trying, god knows I have tried.

The only times they let up are when I fall asleep next to Harvey or Pax. But that doesn’t happen that often. I can’t help but feel like this is too good to be true. Like something bad will happen. I keep hearing these noises at night, like scratching. Harvey thinks it’s just rats, but I’m not so sure.

The days have been long and tiring, mostly working at the farm, eating, hanging with Pax and Jo, and then it repeated. There's not much to do in here.

This morning was spent the same. Kate and I worked on the farm, watering the plants.

Checking the dirt and what else. Pax and Joseph were still working on storage, seems like something had happened because during breakfast it was tense and awkward. Harvey didn’t seem to mind, too busy to complain about “the horrible architecture and maintenance” to read the room.

I don’t know if I should ask them about it, it seemed like a family matter. Something private, hidden from the rest of the world. Nice to know it wasn’t just my family that would pretend to be perfect. That their perfect “son” wasn’t a dropout. A disappointment, a basket case.

“…-me that bag of seeds?”

“Hm?”

I woke up from my daydreaming to Kate looking at me, she had asked me something but I had honestly no clue what.

“I asked if you could hand me that bag of seeds.”

“Oh, yeah, of course!”

I realized the bag was in my hand, completely forgotten. I quickly gave it to Kate, almost stumbling over a filled bag of potatoes.

“You okay, sweetie?”

“Yeah, yeah… Just tired.”

I tried to smile but judging by Kate’s worried expression, it was probably more of a grimace.

“You know if you want to talk… I’m always here, even if it’s something simple and insignificant.”

I was thankful for Kate’s friendly remark, but I didn’t want to talk to anyone, to be honest. I knew I’d probably get therapy for what I’d seen if the world hadn’t gone to shit. And I was more than certain I needed to talk to someone. But I didn’t feel comfortable or ready.

“Yeah, I know.” This time, I did smile.

After that ordeal, we worked until lunch. Pax and Joseph were passive-aggressive. I don’t know what happened before breakfast but they’ve been tense ever since. Pax has never looked as annoyed and frustrated as now.

"Never thought I'd have a quiet lunch in this place." Harvey suddenly chimed in

He's right, there was always some noise during meals. Whether that's Kate's fussing, Pax dumb jokes or Jo complaining over Kate's fussing. But now, during this lunch, it was dead quiet. It was uncomfortably tense and incredibly awkward.

"Yeah, well, blame that on Joseph," Pax spoke up, with a bitter tone. It was dripping with venom.

"What's that supposed to mean?!" Jo spoke up, standing up from his seat.

"You know exactly what I mean, why do you always have to take everything so seriously?!" Pax stood up as well.

"Fuck you, dude!"

“HEY! Cut it out!" Kate finally cut in, obviously tired of the fighting.

"This can wait until after dinner, now eat your damn meal."

Both the boys thunked down in their seats, still glaring at each other. The rest of the lunch was spent in an even tenser atmosphere.

“Six, can I speak to you for a second?”

Kate stopped me after lunch, she seemed anxious.

“Uh, yeah sure. No problem.” I replied.

We both walked to the hallway while Harvey and the boys washed the dishes.

“Would you mind taking over inventory with Pax? I don’t know what’s going on in those boys’ minds but it’s probably best to let them cool off right now.”

Kate was tired, annoyed, and frustrated by her sons’ conflict. I’d be too. Her plucked eyebrows were furrowed and she seemed older due to her frown.

“Pax, well I’m not sure how to say this-“ Kate sighed while fiddling on the end of her button-up “-He can be rather private. I know it might surprise you but…”

“No, no I get it,” I quickly answered, and I meant it. I used to be a lot more outgoing. Hiding behind a façade until it got too tiring.

“Oh… Good. Well, thank you, sweetie.”

After washing up, Pax went to the fridge. Probably checking out the last remains of fresh fruit. Kate went back to the kitchen, most likely to continue working in the garden.

Joseph walked past me. But he stopped soon after.

“Uh, Six?” He seemed worried.

“Yeah?”

“I believe you, um, about the noises I mean… I’ve been hearing weird noises from the vents in the boys’ room.”

“What kind of noises?” I was getting worried.

“Like… groans-“ Jo looked down to his feet “- and scratches. Sometimes… Sometimes it sounds like someone’s suffocating.”

The hairs on my neck raised. A shiver, cold and shocking, went down my spine.

“It… It can’t just be rats right?”

I swallowed my spit, My throat suddenly dry.

“Joseph, tell your mom and Harvey about this, okay? Even if they think it’s nonsense. You’ve got to convince them somehow.”

Joseph paled, maybe he finally realized how dire that sounded.

“Y-yeah,” was all he said when he all but sprinted towards the boiler room. Most likely to find Harvey.

I continued towards the fridge room in the kitchen.

“God damn list” I heard mutterings.

Ironically it seemed the fridge had not cooled Pax’s mood. Pax was leaning over one of the crates in the fridge room. He was cursing and grumbling over a list displayed over the crate.

“Uh, Pax?”

Pax whipped his head towards me, evidently surprised. He looked tired and frustrated. But his eyes lit up when he saw me.

“Oh! What’s up, beanstalk?”

Ignoring his dumb nickname. I studied the room, there wasn’t much. Most of the fresh produce was gone. An apple or a pear here and there.

“Your mom thought it was best if I switched with your brother,” I replied.

“Ah, yeah. Probably for the best.”

The air was dry and cold and the atmosphere extremely awkward.

“Look, I’m sorry about that by the way. You shouldn’t have to be in between this… family drama, you know?”

Pax seemed almost ashamed at his outburst earlier. He was looking at anything except me. Absentmindedly clicking an ink pen.

“It’s okay. But… What happened? You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

Pax sighed. His eyes were conflicted and glossy. He was quiet for a couple of seconds.

“It’s… It’s just that Jo… Jo has a tendency to be stuck-up.-“ he grimaced at the lack of a better word “-He constantly does everything by the book and tries to act ‘older’, I guess.”

“Oh. Do you know why?”

“Well, if it isn’t obvious-“ Pax chuckled self-detrimentally “-My dad, our dad, isn’t in the picture. Jo barely remembers him but ever since he left. I’ve had to help mom out with working and stuff, you know? I never got to have that careless childhood and I want Jo to have that but for some reason, he’s obsessed with growing up!”

By the end of Pax’s rant, he was out of breath and red. But he seemed calmer and more relaxed. I sighed and tried to find the best way to word my next sentence.

“I don’t know your brother that well and I can only think from my own experience but… Maybe he wants to carry a part of that burden you’ve been carrying by yourself?”

“Oh… I… I didn’t think about that.”

“You might not realize it, Pax. But you’re, like, Jo’s idol. He’s probably worried that he’s being a burden.”

“But he’s not! He’s my lil bro, he could never,” Pax exclaimed.

I chuckled a bit. I guess this is how it feels to have a sibling. A sort of love-hate relationship where you hate their guts but know they’ll have your back.

“Six… Thank you, truly. You’ve given me a lot to think about.”

I smiled and nodded. The tense air fizzled out and instead, a comfortable, warm, and almost intimate feeling washed over us.

By the end of the workday, we had gone through both the freezer and fridge rooms. Dinner was silent, but both the boys seemed eager to apologize.

“For the love of Jesus H. Christ. One of you boys better say something before I make you!”

Harvey was seemingly tired of the atmosphere. Kate and I chuckled as both Pax and Jo turned bright red.

“Uh, Jo, sorry about calling you a pain in my ass.”

“Mm, thanks, and sorry for saying fuck you.”

“It seems like the two of you got a lot to talk about,” Kate spoke up.

The boys nodded, and albeit a bit ashamed, Pax looked at me. His eyes brimming with gratitude as he mouthed a “thank you”.

The rest of the dinner was spent with the occasional small talk or joke.

After washing up we all decided to turn in for the night.

“Six, I’m sorry. I tried to convince them but they wouldn’t believe me. I guess they still think I’m a baby or something.”

Jo finished his sentence with a mumble. Clearly by the disregard of his warnings.

“I think they just don’t want to scare anyone. Or themselves. There’s nothing wrong with being younger, you know? There’s a lot you will miss when you get older.”

Joseph didn’t seem that convinced.

“I don’t know,” he trailed off.

“Let’s go to bed and we’ll talk about it tomorrow, okay?”

Jo only nodded and headed towards the boys’ bunkroom.

That night I slept terribly. Flashes of “The Incident” plaguing my dreams, The blood rising in the streets until I’m drowning in it.

I had nowhere to hide. To run.

Abruptly I hear a scream. It sounds like Kate. Only I’m no longer dreaming. What followed the scream was chaos.

Harvey ran into my room, grabbed my arm, and practically dragged me out of my room.

“What’s going on?!”

“I hate to admit it kid but you were right. We’re being invaded. Go to the kitchen and help Pax and Jo grab as much conserved food as you can. Don’t forget first aid stuff. Kate and I will hold them off!”

I hear a groan from the boiler room

“Now, Six!”

I stumbled as I sprinted into the kitchen. Pax and Jo were already quickly packing canned food and bandages, amongst other things, into five backpacks.

“What the hell is going on?!”

“Well seems like my theory about zombies wasn’t off, Pax replied.

“Oh fuck.”

“My thoughts exactly.”

Suddenly I hear gunfire. I flinched but grabbed one of the backpacks and started packing.

Kate unexpectedly appeared in the kitchen, her face bloody and a shotgun in her hands.

“Jesus, mom!”

“Shut it, Paxton, we’re outnumbered. Harvey and I have barricaded the boiler room and hallway. Better get ready with the backpacks!”

Harvey soon appeared and grabbed one of the backpacks, in his other hand he had a hunting rifle.

“Alright kiddos, let’s get out of here,” he shouted.

A sudden crash and boom were heard, followed by shuffling and groans.

“Well that was the barricade in the boiler room,” Kate said.

We all rushed to the entrance and I quickly grabbed a fire axe.

“It’s stuck!”

Pax and Jog tugged on the large handle to the entrance. But it wouldn’t budge. Kate and I stood guard as Harvey tried to help out.

The banging and clambering got louder and louder.

“Anytime is fine, boys!”

Kate shouted. She was pale, anxiously gripping her shotgun.

“I think I’ve got something,” Harvey says and starts rooting through his leather jacket. He pulls out some anti-rust oil. He dumped all the contents on the handle and pushed me towards the entrance.

“Stay back, kiddo. Things are about to get ugly.”

Pax had found a bat and Jo a skateboard. Maybe not the best weapon but it would do.

“When should the handle let up?” Jo asked while shaking.

“I don’t know. But keep trying the handle,” Harvey replied.

The bangs were almost deafening now. The panic started to slowly sink in.

I am going to die here. Forgotten.

Harvey suddenly grabbed my hand. He looked into my eyes with a fiery determination.

“You ain’t gon’ die here, kid! You hear me?”

His accent got thicker as the tensions grew.

Then all hell broke loose. Almost literally. The last barricade broke and in swarmed tens of barely human-looking figures. The stench that followed could best be described as burnt flesh, ammonia, and an almost fruity undertone.

I’m not sure I will be able to drink juice ever again.

The next minutes are a blur. Bodies thunking to the ground. Harvey shouts something while shooting and Pax replies. I go on autopilot after that. Hitting, swinging, and kicking against anything that smelled like a public bathroom. While desperately trying to ignore the bile collecting in my throat and my eyes watering.

Before I knew it, I was on the ground. A large rotting figure on top of me. The only thing separating us was the handle of the axe, currently stuck in the monster’s mouth. Harvey and Kate were swamped. Pax is busy keeping Jo safe as Jo desperately tries to open the entrance. That’s when I finally believe that this is where I’m going to die. The strength in my arm’s veining.

But a gunshot is heard, but it sounds different from before. The figure on top of me slumps. I look up and two people stand at the entrance. One was Mexican with long, dark brown hair separated by half buns and ending in one half-bun, half-ponytail. They had an eyebrow piercing in their left eyebrow and a nosering in their right nostril. They had a pretty dahlia flower tattooed on their neck. It certainly didn’t match their smug expression.

The other person was black. They had dark dreadlocks pulled into a ponytail. They had a blue kerchief tied around their head. A large scar, thicker at the right of their chin and thinning out right under their eye. Their expression was the opposite of the Mexican person's. They were rather stoic.

“We heard you guys, figured you had a pest problem!”

The Mexican person laughed.

TAGLIST

@saltofmercury

#apocalypse #my ocs #ocs #original character #original story #post apocalyptic #world past six

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fully-functioning-pigeon · 1 year

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By the graces of my incredible friend with a Dropout subscription, I now can watch Dimension 20

You all know me as a CR fan, maybe even fan page honestly I won’t shut up about it

I probably won’t be posting too much on Dimension 20 but I really have been enjoying Crown of Candy, im on episode 6 as of posting this

There are a few things about Dimension 20 as a whole that I am not a huge fan of. I prefer constant music through the episode, the camera switches are not my favorite i prefer CR’s and Winters Tales method of cameras on everyone at once, and I find the sound effects just a touch distracting.

However none of that prevents me from enjoying the campaigns and I’m excited for Ravening War

#call this an update I guess #please don’t get me wrong I really like what I’ve seen so far #if people want to hear my thoughts on Crown of Candy or an expansion on my streaming preferences I may post #dimension 20 #dropout #critical role #crown of candy #dnd

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dat-silvers-girl · 1 year

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Be cautious in your relationships.

- 3 of Hearts ❤️❤️❤️

Sarahi Silvers was born and brought up in the Country of Hearts. From childhood, a friend of her father, a retired soldier called Riku Hirayama, taught both her and her older brother, Julian, the art of warfare, when the children had expressed interest. On the physical side, Sarahi did become a force, but on the academic side, she was failing, earning her mother's displeasure and abuse. Due to repeated failures as a good student and daughter, she simply moved out of the University dorms one night, with Julian reluctantly helping her.

Riku suggested that she was qualified to join the army if she so wished, but due to her dislike for violence, and the unease she felt about the Civil War in the Country of Spades, she refused. She did, however, take the idea of working for the Palace, assuming she would be kept busy enough as a maid to have an excuse to not go home.

Sarahi, although sweet and incredibly loving, is full of anxiety and painfully naive. The few friends she makes tend to become protective of her, and are often shocked to learn that she has been trained to fight at all.

My contribution to the Cardverse AU created by @ariparri! Sarahi as the 3 of Hearts, and she is most definitely NOT cautious in her relationships. Very fitting. She's affectionately called 'Little Heart Sarahi'. There's more fic below the cut.

I cannot stop writing stuff about my baby please help

Includes the Queen of Hearts, Carewyn by the one and only @carewyncromwell!

XXX

Getting hired as a maid in the Castle of Hearts definitely wasn't the most glamorous job around, but as a University dropout, it was honestly the best Sarahi could have done on short notice. At least she'd be getting paid for the inconvenience of cleaning up other people's messes this time. Clad in a self-made balloon dress and her grandmother's apron, she worked, if only to avoid going home to her disappointed mother who was still trying to force Sarahi back into University.

But a few days into her new job, Sarahi noticed the lack of dedicated attention given to the Palace gardens. Sure, people took care of the gardens and flowers every now and then, and it was pretty enough, but the flowers always seemed like they would thrive better if someone gave more attention to them. It's not enough to just water a plant every day, after all.

Thinking of the lovely times spent gardening with her grandmother, Sarahi started to put her time into the garden as soon as she would get off work, to care for flowers and pull weeds. And it was absolutely worth it to spend time in the gardens… a few days of being fed vegetables and the rabbits in the garden became so attached to Sarahi, that they'd get upset when she asked to leave. A particular one, a light brown rabbit she called Daisy, proceeded to just sit on her shoes until they were ready to let the maid go. And Sarahi certainly loved her new bunny friends.

It was easy to forget she was technically a maid and should be doing her chores. However, no one had really complained, even when her garden caring time started eating away at her actual work time.

When the Queen of Hearts began approaching her in the garden one afternoon, Sarahi hurriedly checked the time and immediately realized that she was late in her chores again and was about to get scolded. But of course she was about to get scolded. Maybe beaten. Stand straight, don't put up a fight, even if she goes for the face. Mum always goes for the face-

"Do you know that you do a great job in the garden?" Queen Carewyn asked.

Sarahi blinked. "Huh?"

The Queen wasn't yelling at her for slacking off?

"The gardens are thriving under your care. And the rabbits love you."

The Queen of Hearts pointed a gloved finger behind Sarahi, and the maid turned around to notice the bunnies awaiting her attention and maybe fresh leaves of lettuce.

Sarahi picked Daisy up to stop her fussing, then spoke. "I love the bunnies. They are very sweet. Um… I'm sorry… I'm… I'll go back to work-"

"May I ask you something? Sarahi, was it?"

"Uh… sure?"

"Would you rather be a Gardener?"

"...what?"

"Would you like to be the Gardener here?"

"I… think I would? I've always liked flowers. I like growing flowers. And I like the critters here too."

The Queen rested her chin on her hand in thought. Sarahi lowered her head, fearing she said or did something wrong to upset the Queen.

"Then that is what you should do."

"Huh??"

"If you like gardening, then you should be the gardener here. Of course, if that is what you want."

Sarahi turned her head away from the Queen. She took a deep breath before looking back and answering.

"I do want that. I'd like to stay here, and take care of the garden."

The Queen gave her a cool smile. "Then, by all means, do that. I'll talk to Diego and make sure your position is changed."

"Wait, really!? I can just make this my job?"

"Of course. Care for this garden has been long overdue."

Sarahi shook her head. "You're… being so nice about this. Are you sure I'm… it's not an inconvenience… uh… Your Majesty?"

Sarahi, holy mother of God, stop stuttering!

"No, it is not an inconvenience. If you enjoy taking care of the garden, then you should. Besides, I'm sure the rabbits will be perfectly happy about this arrangement since you won't have to leave them anymore."

The Queen had added the last part with an amused smile towards the other rabbits crowding around Sarahi's feet.

For the first time since the Queen strode up to her, Sarahi finally smiled. "Thank you, Your Majesty. Really. I'll do my best."

Carewyn nodded. "You should do what makes you happy."

"Can I also clean up that old house at the corner of the garden? And stay there? Is that okay?"

"You may. An old king once built that house for his Gardener, so that they wouldn't have to walk to the quarters everyday after a long day of work. It's only fair that you use the place as intended. Rest assured, you are free to work on the Garden from now on."

The maid beamed, and instantly bent down to pet the other rabbits.

"Did you hear that, lil buddies? We can stay together all day from now on!"

XXX

Apparently it was absolutely no trouble convincing King Diego that this one random maid would rather take care of the garden. He even proceeded to visit the garden and tell Sarahi how pretty she made the gardens look with only a few weeks of work, praise which Sarahi awkwardly accepted. The old house was a bit untidy after years of being unused, but cleaning was no issue and at this point. And some friends had also helped her set up, and before long, it felt like a home.

Thankfully Sarahi's bunny friends were great at keeping her calm and not letting her anxiety spike.

"I never thought that people outside home would be so nice, Daisy." Sarahi wondered aloud one time. She'd just finished raking the fallen leaves and flowers all morning and was taking a little break basking in the sunlight while the bunnies around her took a nap. Except Daisy, who somehow kept her rapt attention on the maid.

"Especially royalty, you know? The King and Queen were just - 'Oh you like gardening? Sure you can do that!' Just like that. No questions, no fuss, no yelling. Mum always said that people would be much worse outside home."

Sarahi sighed. "My tiny brain forgot who the King and Queen actually were. Diego was that funny guy in the University who was always showy but very nice. Carewyn was that pretty girl from the Spades country. Apparently I was so focused on trying and failing to get passable grades that I forgot about everything else going on in the world."

"They're a perfect fit, I think. They say by nature, the Kingdom of Hearts is filled with the most desirable people on earth and the most worthy of love." Sarahi mumbled, mostly to herself. "I have never felt particularly desirable."

Daisy tilted her head.

"Yeah, I'm not making sense. My random thoughts bounce around a lot when it's quiet."

"Sarahi!" A new voice called.

The mentioned maid giggled, recognising the voice. "And I suppose, a lack of quiet is all I need."

Sarahi got up onto her feet, but Daisy clambered into her basket of flowers before she could pick it up.

"Daisy, come on. Not again… This is why the other bunnies accuse me of favoritism."

"I don't know if she's your favorite, but you certainly are hers." Barnaby chuckled, coming out of the corner.

"Well, I'd have loved to give the Ace of Hearts this pretty white rose I found earlier, but sadly, SOMEONE is sitting on it." Sarahi laughed, giving a pointed look to Daisy, who was completely unaware and just chewing on another piece of lettuce. "I suppose you'll have to amuse yourself with just bunnies today!"

"I would never say no to more bunny time!" Barnaby announced, and immediately, the rest of the bunnies got up and started scampering around his feet.

"Yes, hello Hop, Fuzz and Coco…"

Barnaby proceeded to sit down cross legged on the grass, joined by Sarahi.

"Hey… they're responding to you saying their names now." Sarahi noticed.

"I'm honored. Means they're my friends too, right?" Barnaby asked.

"You're probably better with critters. They warmed up to you a lot faster than they did with me."

"They still prefer to be with you all the time though."

Daisy and Hop both proceeded to wrestle into Sarahi's lap, while Coco and Fuzz were content to go back to sleep on Barnaby's.

"It's only 1PM, you know. Not that I mind, but what are you doing here at this time, Barn? Did you miss the bunnies that much?" Sarahi inquired.

"I always like seeing the bunnies, but I actually wanted to see you." Barnaby answered. The light blush on his face went unnoticed by the maid.

"Huh… What for?"

"Do you want to spend lunch with me today?"

"Lunch? It's only 1PM Barnaby. Lunchtime is at 3PM."

The Ace of Hearts proceeded to give Sarahi the most confused look till date.

"Barnaby?"

"3PM? Why do you think that?" Barnaby asked.

"It's the time my mum sets up for lunch. Seems reasonable."

Sarahi watched as Barnaby tried to process this information.

"Rahi, staff usually eat lunch at one. Did you not eat lunch with the rest of the maids while you were still working with them? Do you not eat lunch with them now?"

"No, I don't. Not that the others don't let me eat with them, but I prefer eating alone most of the time-"

Sarahi paused, resting a hand on her forehead. "I… I have no idea why I prefer that. I don't remember…"

Barnaby seemed concerned. "You alright?"

Sarahi nodded. "Yes, I'm fine. It's just that since I left school, I've realised that there are some things about myself I don't remember. And it feels strange to not know myself."

The rabbits, now bored of their naps, proceeded to hop off their laps and play around. Barnaby stood up and dusted himself off.

"My offer still stands… have lunch with me today?" He asked, holding a hand out to Sarahi.

She smiled and took his hand. "You know what? I think I'd actually like that."

As soon as she got on her feet, Sarahi grabbed a white rose at the bottom of the basket.

"A little mussed up from Daisy sitting on it, but a pretty one regardless. Here, it's for you, Barnaby!"

The Ace accepted the white rose with a grin. "Thanks Sarahi! That's another one in my collection!"

"Hm? Collection? Are you keeping every flower I've given you?"

"Of course! I love when you give me flowers!"

Sarahi turned away, face turning red. "That's… very sweet. You're too kind to me, Barns. I'm going to get cavities from just hanging around with you."

"If we're going to get cavities anyway, could we at least have ice cream?" Barnaby quipped.

Sarahi snickered. "I thought we were going for lunch, not ice cream."

"Can we go for ice cream after lunch then?"

Sarahi stopped in her tracks at the inquiry. Wouldn't that count as… a date?

No, surely Barnaby isn't asking her on a date. Why would he ask her anyway? He's just always liked desserts.

"Sarahi?"

"Oh! Yes, sure! We can have ice cream later."

Barnaby's glee was like a child's, and it was infectious. Sarahi giggled at his excitement, as she latched the gate to the garden behind herself.

#my brain went all over the place trying to write this #i plan to write one thing but then i just get too many ideas #i have even more fic ideas but this post is long enough as it #ari I'm so sorry there's so much stuff here #i was having fun!#this au is so fun #i am enjoying putting my baby in here #i think this fic is mostly a rushed story and saying that Sarahi is an anxious baby #and that she can actually be easily taken advantage of because she's overly kind and very naive...#👀#up to the person she's kind with to decide whether they wanna accept her kindness or ignore it to fuck up anyway...#also Ace of Hearts was so beautiful i could not resist the Sarnaby #ok i need to shut up in the tags #hphm cardverse #cardverse au #little heart sarahi #sarahi silvers #hearts #hphm mc #hphm #harry potter hogwarts mystery #hogwarts mystery

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deadcactuswalking · 6 months

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REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 28/10/2023 (The Kid LAROI/Central Cee, blink-182's 'ONE MORE TIME...')

Content warning: Cynicism and brief masturbation

For a third week, Kenya Grace’s “Strangers” is at the top of the UK Singles Chart, and welcome back to a quieter, later episode of REVIEWING THE CHARTS!

Rundown

Now the Official Charts Company was so delayed in posting the chart this week that I am so incredibly late in actually getting the chance to write this rundown section. Alas, let’s do a speedrun here - firstly we always start with the notable dropouts, songs exiting the UK Top 75 - which is what I cover - after five weeks in the region or a peak in the top 40, you know it, yadda-yadda-yadda. This week we bid adieu to: “DArkSide” by Bring Me the Horizon, “I Do” by Nines featuring who the Hell cares, “Hide and Seek” by 163Margs featuring Digga D, “PARK CHINOIS” by Headie One and K-Trap, “Rich Men North of Richmond” by Oliver Anthony Music, “Hell n Back” by Bakar and finally, “So Much in Love” by D.O.D. It had a good run.

As for our gains and returns, we see re-entries for bottom-feeders like “Riptide” by Vance Joy at #75 and “Everywhere” by Fleetwood Mac at #66, as well as the new Rolling Stones album letting “Angry” slip back at #73, “Lil Boo Thang” by Paul Russell sprouting legs at #65 and “bad idea right?” by Olivia Rodrigo doing weird three-song-rule shenanigans at #46 because of course. And as for our gains, we see boosts for - bear with me - “Style” by Taylor Swift at #62 (watch that space), “Dreams” by Fleetwood Mac at #56, “Party All the Time” by Hannah Laing and HVRR at #53, “ONE MORE TIME” by blink-182 at #42 thanks to the album, “Calm Down” by Rema at #39, “Me & U” by Tems at #36, “On My Love” by Zara Larsson and David Guetta at #29, “Agora Hills” by Doja Cat at #28, “Pompeii” by Bastille at #26, “One of Your Girls” by Troye Sivan and finally, Noah Kahan grabs his first top 10 with “Stick Season” at #9.

As for our top five, it’s pretty expected - “Water” by Tyla is at #5, which I’m never going to complain about, and then we have “greedy” by Tate McRae at #4, “Cruel Summer” by Taylor Swift at #3 gaining off of the back of a re-release featuring a live version and a remix - more of her to come next week - and then “Prada” by casso, RAYE and D-Block Europe at #2 with of course, “Strangers” at #1. Now to see what this smaller week may have to offer in its pattering of shoddy new entries.

NEW ARRIVALS

#63 - “Sensational” - Chris Brown featuring Davido and Lojay

Produced by DJ Hardwerk, BigRagee, Krazytunez and XQ

Davido and Lojay are Nigerian singers so it seems like Chris Brown’s latest ploy is to slot himself within Afrobeats, a genre wherein he… honestly fits pretty well. A lot of male Afrobeats singers have nasal, Auto-Tuned voices saved by their potent, earnest delivery. That’s Breezy’s vocal default in a nutshell… so why is he trying to be cool here? He plays off the wavy, tropical shuffling with a level of restraint and subtlety you rarely hear from the guy ever, I guess to match the sample-esque murky backing vocals from Lojay. It’s not a bad groove either, but it honestly kind of disappoints me that he didn’t go full-out with the classic Chris Brown approach, even if he does do some obnoxious “na-na-na”s and those staccato harmonies as usual. It doesn’t help that this song doesn’t have a good hook, despite Sean Kingston being behind the writing of all people. There’s just nothing catchy about this song, which seems to focus much more on atmosphere… which makes no sense! It’s a club dance song where the girl’s body is described as sensational, where’s the sensation? Davido tries, bless him, but as a result of the song’s misplaced “coolness” pretence, he just sounds out of place. And Lojay’s verse is embarrassing - “booty wider than the Internet”? Really? Sigh, given it’s Chris Brown, it could be a lot worse.

#57 - “IT GIRL” - Aliyah’s Interlude

Produced by Lxnely Beats

It’s been a while since we got a straight-up TikTok viral song, it feels, but rising star Aliyah’s Interlude - what made you go with that name? - seems to have cultivated a pretty loyal fanbase and specific terminology, some of which is mentioned in the song, already so this could either be the start of a big deal or a complete meme fluke. And God, I hope this is a fluke because this is insufferable. It’s not even insufferable in a moral or boring way, it’s just annoying. The Eurodance throwback synth is obnoxious, the plodding percussion is lazy, and whilst Aliyah’s Interlude herself is clearly full of passion and character, it is actually to the detriment of an already minimal, annoying song. It seems the intent was either to be primal or overwhelming, but that synth is so distracting that I can’t fully understand the cult of personality with borderline comedy-rap verses and an admittedly very good use of spelling out the title in chorus. I believe that this is what one could claim as “slaying”, and I kind of get it, but it’s just too much of a stressful listen for me. That synth, it just never stops. I’m sure Aliyah’s Interlude would shine on more polished production as her performance here is close to salvaging something but that may come years down the line. For now, God, please don’t make this a hit.

#55 - “DANCE WITH ME” - blink-182

Produced by Travis Barker

This is such a dry week that I could aptly describe it as being victim to a blink-182 album bomb, or at least as much as the UK Singles Chart will allow. At least they debuted some songs from their #2 album ONE MORE TIME… unlike the Rolling Stones at #1. Anyway, this was a pre-release single only charting now thanks to the album, and it has a music video that mimics that of the Ramones’ “I Wanna be Sedated”, which the track also interpolates. The 1978 track was never released as an A-side single in the UK so failed to chart, but has been set in stone as one of the classic punk outfit’s most iconic songs. I assume that as a result we have a pretty straightforward punk throwback from blink, and for the most part we do, but it’s not really a good one. I love Travis Barker’s cavernous drumming and production of course, and it will always will give a certain base level of quality to these songs, but blink aren’t doing anything new here, or doing something they’ve already done particularly well. There’s a weird bitter venom in Tom DeLonge’s delivery and an apathetic disinterest in Mark Hoppus’ voice that both miss the mark for a song about dancing - or masturbating, if the awkward intro is to be believed - all night long. The chorus is basic but somehow not even catchy, it’s just expected and predictable. At this point with blink, maybe that’s all we should settle for? It just sucks that I know how interesting they can be.

#48 - “ANTHEM PART 3” - blink-182

Produced by Travis Barker

This is the opening track on the record and one that follows in the footsteps of their older “Anthem” tracks, signaling their big comeback. The original “Anthem” from 1999’s Enema of the State is actually the outro to the album, and is fittingly out of fuel considering the rest of the album’s energy that this track seems desperate to grab onto, which sounds like a complaint but considering the fantastic drumming, atrocious vocal delivery and mixing, incredibly cathartic post-chorus, I’d say it sums up the aftermath of a reckless party pretty damn well. The issue here is that “Anthem” plays a lot into the idea that parents - probably a further analogy for authority in general - possess a lot of power behind what fun can actually be had, with “Anthem Part Two”, the opener of 2001’s Take Off Your Pants and Jacket, playing even further into that by basically making it a protest against how the youth are having their futures ruined by those in power who are from generations prior. It sums up pop punk’s teenage rebellion side pretty well - it’s not good, it’s formulaic and surprisingly dull, but I can understand why it is held up as the anthem it claims out the gate to be. Now here’s the real problem: blink-182 are now the parents. What do they rebel against this time around? Life, in general. Actual adult life in fact. It’s an uplifting track with rapid, awkwardly-mixed drums and a seemingly constant crescendo of guitars that merges into a muddy, gross stretch of noise under Tom DeLonge, but an uplifting track nonetheless, an anthem for people who have been played with by the nine-to-five and tedious career. The really resonant bridge from Mark Hoppus, who recently came out of his struggle with cancer, ends with a line about no-one caring for the eventuality of him dying… but it gets cut short, taken away by the chorus. This could be a pretty effective decision, if it weren’t the only part of the song that I actually liked or moved me in any way, with even the classic pop punk drop-into-half-time trick just coming off as tired. Whilst all of these “Anthem” tracks are tired, exhausted last bursts of anger, this one is tired in a particularly sad way. It’s a pathetic song, one that can’t really be called “ANTHEM”… and that’s fine. In fact, it’s slightly endearing and not even really a slight towards the song. It’s just kind of sad to hear.

#41 - “In the City” - Charli XCX and Sam Smith

Produced by A.G. Cook, Charli XCX, George Daniel, ILYA and Omer Fedi

I have no idea what either of these artists are doing career-wise at this very moment. It seems like both Charli and Sam are struggling to hold onto the balance between mass appeal and niche novelty, and Sam may be in a similar spot to where Charli was back in the mid-2010s, or at least appears to have some kind of dissatisfaction with pop stardom as a fact rather than how they viewed it when it was a promise. Basically, it makes complete sense for the two to collaborate, and it also makes complete sense that the song is… just bad. A.G. Cook is on the boards here but his style is so washed out by the pop songwriters also involved that even Charli sounds disinterested. It’s hyperpop lite, with some interesting lyrics about finding your true self after meeting a partner in New York City’s sprawling nightlife, but over some particularly dull four-on-the-floor percussion and with vocal effects - particularly on Sam Smith’s voice - that overwhelm the actual performance, making it feel programmed and somehow so professional it breaches back onto amateur, in a cyclical motion I didn’t think could even happen. I know Charli fans will defend her continuing to experiment whilst also spreading out to mainstream pop tracks but let’s be real, how far is this really from a Joel Corry song? A.G. Cook could have had nothing to do with this and it’d sound the same. Everyone here just seems tired and confused with what to do with themselves, in an awkwardly passionless single that seemingly isn’t connected to an album yet and doesn’t have a video. Sam Smith is nowhere to be seen in the cover art or even the picture used for the YouTube audio video. This is just… nothing.

#10 - “TOO MUCH” - The Kid LAROI, Jung Kook and Central Cee

Produced by Blake Slatkin, Jasper Harris, Emile Haynie and Omer Fedi

You know, this is kind of refreshing. For once, there is no discourse. It is just a simple idea that this top 10 hit by three big-name artists, including a BTS member, with a stacked production list, Scooter Braun single push is a bad song, and that’s fine. There is nothing immoral about the song’s badness, there’s nothing particularly annoying or sad about the song’s badness, there’s nothing even all that boring about the song’s badness. It’s just bad, sometimes comically, and I’m honestly okay with that. The vocal sample is filtered to crap and placed against a similarly weightless, chippy snap and ladders of gross, inhuman leads and sounds, none of which actually seem like they actually want your attention. The chorus has too much empty space punctuated by… bilingual breathing, The Kid LAROI’s verse goes for a desperate and annoying delivery which doesn’t last too long but is still overly whiny, Central Cee is in full rent-a-rapper mode and despite having a completely fine, on-beat flow, he still somehow sounds awkward with his typically toxic, sexual lyrics that don’t go too far to be immoral, just more weird and overly wordy and detailed, maybe manipulative at times. The Kid LAROI’s second attempt at a pre-chorus is actually pretty good, he sounds great, especially on the backing vocals, right before the final chorus, wherein I couldn’t tell where he ends and Jung Kook begins. In fact, Mr. Kook has jack to do in this song. The song just seems to reflect how all three of these guys are at least slightly complacent, facing slightly less favourable results than they expected commercially but still doing well enough and is a piece of apathetic male pop music no one is actually seeking out too much anymore - and apparently Justin Bieber was supposed to be on this at some point and still has a writing credit, so that rings extra true. But that’s all it reflects. It’s just bad, and if anything sums up this week of new arrivals, it’s that: just bad.

Conclusion

And yeah, that wasn’t really hyperbole in any way. I liked none of what little the charts had to offer this week. I can barely give a sincere Best of the Week and really, Chris Brown is a runner-up for the most quality song here, which is a depressing state of affairs. He’s not getting it though, at least blink-182 gave me a lot to say with “ANTHEM PART 3”. As for the worst, I mean, pick any of them but I think I’ll give to “In the City” by Charli XCX and Sam Smith for making me feel absolutely nothing, with Aliyah’s Interlude as the Dishonourable Mention with “IT GIRL” for making me feel a pounding headache. Taylor’s next and then we’re in the holiday dregs for the next two months. Thank you for reading, sorry for the delay - genuinely out of my control, complain to the Official Charts Company - and I’ll see you next week!

#uk singles chart #pop music #song review #charli xcx #sam smith #the kid laroi #central cee #blink-182 #one more time...#aliyah's interude #davido #lojay

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