#honestly it wouldn't be impossible for me to go on disability

[silverandzlo]

It's been months but I can't get over this.

As some of you know I'm on a light work schedule due to disabilities. I only work 4 days a week. My job pays well enough and I rent out my spare room.

Well I had this one coworker who would comment every time I mention doing anything outside of work "I don't understanding why you can do that but not work one more day"

Like bitch I can do that because I work one less day! I can see my family, go to my friends birthday party, have a hobby.

I work four days, sleep one, sleep half one, do house work and appointments and have one day a week where I can do something that makes staying alive worth it!

I'm sorry that you think because I am disabled I am not allowed to enjoy my life at all.

The worst part. We are disability care workers.

#she would say it for the dumbest things too #like reading a book #or playing a video game #those take no energy for me #on the days I work I do nothing but #I wake up an hour befor and go to bed as soon as im home #disability #community support #care worker #honestly it wouldn't be impossible for me to go on disability #I just love my job

[drdemonprince]

How do you feel about “weaponized incompetence”

I see a lot of people talking about it, and I know it can definitely be a thing that people do purposefully, but so many things that fall under the umbrella seem like things that some neurodivergent people tend to struggle with.

I don't think a person needs to be consciously or intentionally weaponizing incompetence in order to leverage it for their benefit. Due to forces like systemic sexism, sometimes a weaponized incompetence dynamic plays out without anybody meaning it to.

Now of course, weaponized incompetence is absolutely a dynamic that some people deliberately create (famously, a husband or boyfriend knowingly washing the dishes poorly so his partner never asks him to do it again), but more often than not, it's the byproduct of capitalist overwork and alienation meeting sexist norms that play out on an intuitive level rather than some malicious, evil plan.

My ex-partner absolutely benefitted from weaponized incompetence; he was also almost certainly an undiagnosed ADHDer who was struggling, and not a bad guy. From my perspective, it didn't matter. I still ended up having to pay the bills, sign us up for all the utilities, figure out a new place to live three different times when our rent went up, hire the movers, remind him to get a new ID when his old one was expired and we had a flight coming up, find him a dentist when his tooth was aching, help him write emails for his work when he first got a job, ask him to clean things rather than being able to trust he would contribute, make all the decisions regarding decluttering the house, take care of our pet, etc etc etc.

He deserved more help than he ever got, as a (very likely) disabled person living under capitalism. But I also covered him and shouldered his life burdens in a way that made me miserable and offloaded a lot of his responsibilities onto me. It drove me nuts and made me dysphoric to admit it, but a large part of how we wound up in that dynamic was systemic sexism, because he was a cishet man and I wasn't.

All that said, and my considerable real-life biases having been put on the table, I do think it's the case that many disabled people are unfairly accused of 'weaponizing incompetence' when all that they've done is express a limitation as clearly as they possibly could, which ought to be a good thing. There is nothing wrong or manipulative with asking for help, or for articulating what you are and are not capable of as honestly as you can. (And this honest communication piece was absent in the relationship I am describing; he wouldn't even acknowledge that he wasn't and could not contribute to maintaining a life together in any practical way. When I tried to name that dynamic, he would shut down, walk away, say things were going to change without any plan for how that might happen, etc).

In much the same way that an excited Autistic person who is infodumping or communicating super clearly in order to be helpful can be unfairly branded a "mansplainer", lots of disabled people are seen unfairly as manipulative, lying about their limitations, taking advantage of other people, lazy, and weaponizing incompetence.

The trope of the fake disabled person who is just gaming the system cuts deep. It's pervasive and it's responsible for a lot of social problems that disabled people face, from impossibly difficult benefits applications programs, to cruel teachers who refuse to provide the accommodations to which their students are entitled, to abusive and neglectful partners who fail to meet their disabled loved one's needs. Arguably I even was one of those partners, even if I did have genuine reasons for grievance and very real disabilities of my own.

The reality is that the lines between all these things can be blurred, as a person's intent and their impact can be wildly different. people who are doing their best can still leverage sexism and leave a partner feeling taken advantage of. And a partner who feels taken advantage of can have real reasons for feeling that way and can also still be ableist, or even cruel and unfair to their disabled loved one. it's tough.

Thanks for the great question, it is one I think about a lot for obvious reasons.

[section-69]

Okay Destination Trek notes! First here's what I really liked:

- Everything was SAG compliant and there was so much important strike talk. Obvs this made some questions impossible to answer, and it was slightly hard to predict what would be wrong to say just since different actors had different comfort levels (big range from "I support my comrades but I'm not gonna pretend I'm not in Star Trek" from David Ajala to J G Hertzler encouraging us to threaten media executives with [COPYRIGHTED SPACE WEAPON] to Terry Farrell not wanting to mention working on TV or film at all), but honestly it just made the whole thing really friendly

- on that note, multiple guests said it was the best convention they'd been to in years. I don't have a lot of personal experience with them, but I was talking to a lot of older fans and many of them said this felt a lot like the early days of conventions which were also set in hotels

- being in a hotel made it a) more accessible (and there were So Many fellow disabled Trekkies to prove it!!), b) easier to hang out between activities, and c) just super personable. The guests could hang out in the bar with the fans, there were lots of comfy seats everywhere, and it was very easy to step away if something wasn't your speed.

- not being in London helps the vibes too

- not being Paramount affiliated made the tickets a bit cheaper (much appreciated)

- most of the activities were teamwork focussed. Initially I was a little freaked by that but actually it gave the whole thing a friendly social club vibe

- science talks! Community talks! Asking the actors questions about their lives and work outside of what they're most famous for! Stories we haven't all heard a thousand times!

- I'll make another post about the specifics of accessibility and why I liked this infinitely more than the official ones in London aircraft hangars, but I just really have to stress how important I found that here

- being fan organised and fan led, the focus was on us and how much we love this shit. I didn't find the old format Bad in this respect, but this really did hit different

- J G Hertzler is seriously the coolest person I've met. He stole my craft group's batleth and we couldn't be happier about it.

- So Many Cool Cosplays!!! Shout out especially to the drag queens, the older man cosplaying Admiral Janeway, the Voyage Home Spock and inflatable whale, the power chair decked out to look like a shuttle, all the babies in uniform, the tribble queen in her tribble pelt dress, all the Klingons who didn't artificially darken their skin, the furry doctor from lower decks, all of the Borg, the Klingon pug with a plush batleth, and so so many others I'm forgetting ❤️🖖❤️

Notes for Future Cons

- If you don't already have access to it because of an expensive ticket, I wouldn't bother paying for the opening ceremony. It's not actually at the start of the event and also it's literally just the actors coming on stage, saying hi, then rushing back to the autograph tables. Do go to the closing ceremony though! There's way more of a point to those

- If you're not a huge extrovert, already drunk, or completely happy in awkward situations, I wouldn't recommend being the first in the door at the parties. Give it an hour or so - they sounded very lively later on, but when I tried to go in earlier the primary school disco vibes were off the charts. Plus the music's too loud to actually talk to anyone, and no one's dancing yet. I did see one guy run past with a portable charger for his friend in a wheelchair that lost power on the dance floor though, so clearly they got cooler later on lol. Addendum here that I'm an autistic non drinker so that might colour things.

- to the white folks darkening their skin for generic Klingon cosplays, reconsider that one next year

- to the white guy wearing brown face paint to cosplay Worf specifically, what the fuck, man??

- to the person who boo'd the mention of Julian/Garak at the LGBTQ+ panel, fight me but also maybe skip whatever the equivalent is next year cause Andy Robinson's booked to come

- host mocked Scottish accents a couple times :(

- here's hoping the unions will have their demands met and we'll be able to talk about Star Trek publicly with actors who can access healthcare and pay their rent. But if not, at least we know the con will still be fun.

- maybe see you in Blackpool next July 💙

#star trek #I've probably forgotten something glaring. I'm incredibly sleepy and had to spend much of the con lying down #but again. hotel setting means I actually Can lie down and be comfortable and return without spending ages walking

[crypticsesh]

Recently, lately, whatever. My pain has been constant. Fucking constant. I shouldn't be working...but I don't have a choice. Because money, because insurance, because benefits. And if I decide to follow through with disability, that I'll get maybe half of what I'm currently making a month, and that just isn't something that will keep me afloat.

I don't honestly know what to do anymore. No one in this whole county has an open MRI. I'm too claustrophobic to use a normal one. I said I'd do a normal machine if they knocked me completely out, but that was a hard no.

I need new images to see what's going on. What's progressed, gotten worse, what's new...but it's damn near impossible to get done.

I'm dealing with new pain, and that's honestly terrifying me. How much longer do I have before I can't work, how much longer til I'm in a wheelchair, how much longer until I can no longer walk...I see everyone around me so happy for upcoming life events, excited for their future, and loving every moment of every minute of every day. I try desperately not to think of my future. "Normal" is no longer an option. I don't think it ever was. But god damn. This isnt fair.

I take all my pain meds before leaving the house. It's about an hour commute into work, and after 20 minutes of being at work my pain level is absurd again.

It's 2024. I fucking find it hard to believe that medical advancements are so far behind that we have no choice but to live like this. I'm sure it all come down to money. It is the root of all evil, and I feel like it warps even the most well intentioned of doctors minds. Shit, maybe I'm wrong. Wouldn't be the first time.

I'm tired of hurting. I'm so fucking sick and tired of doctors who don't care.

Idk. Just a vent. But yeah. Fuck the past few days and especially today. I'm tired of crying from the pain.

#chronic pain life #chronically ill #chronic pain #invisible disability #invisible illness #flare up #rant post

[csprslvt]

you and i, and her. pt.15

Chapter 14

Summary: It's all over. (Or is it?)

Warnings: MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH, violence, mentions of vomit, panic attacks. Overall, don't read if you get queasy.

You woke up to gunshots. Ellie was gone, somewhere in the theater and you immediately panicked. Acting on instinct you grabbed your gun and headed to all the commotion. Creeping slowly and quietly, you were around the corner from all the noise. The sight of it made your jaw drop. 

Jesse was on the floor, a gun held to him by none other than your ex lover Abby Anderson. Ellie was standing with her arms up, no weapon to protect her. Fear crawled up your tense spine like frost in the winter. Here you are, having to choose between them much earlier than you expected. There was a child with Abby, holding a bow right at Ellie. He was small, probably no older than 13, shaven with a scar on his face. It would be impossible to get to Abby with him in the way. And you weren't completely heartless, you have never killed a child. You didn't want to start now.

“I know why you killed Joel,” Ellie said clearly, “He did what he did to save me. There's no cure because of me. I'm the one you want. Just let him go.” 

You internally groaned, you loved Ellie, but she was really naive if she thought her words would stop Abby. You knew Abby. She was dedicated to her friends, at one point she was dedicated to you and she would seek revenge. But a part of you doubted that if you were there, by Ellie’s side, begging Abby to stop that she would kill you both. Though she was brutal, a part of her was very kind. There had to be a way to get her to let you both go. And you were the key. You were her soft spot, her weakness.

“You killed my friends…we let you both live and you wasted it.” Abby’s gun pointed at Ellie. Before you could make a move Jesse thought ahead, attacking Abby. Shots fired, they banged loudly in your ears. Ellie ran off into the theater, shooting blindly. Abby and the child started chasing.

You needed to come up with a plan, and fast. You ran to the other side of the theater, behind the stage armed, ready to do what it takes to save Ellie. You could die, but in that moment that didn't matter, there was no reason to live if you were alone. The fight wouldn't be fair and you knew that Abby's strength would crush Ellie.Without a weapon, she would be doomed.

Abby was beating the shit out of Ellie, honestly you didn't know how Ellie had it in her to get up. While Abby held Ellie’s neck in her hands, crushing her windpipe, you got up behind Abby and shot her in the bend of her knee. Disabling her from standing.

“What the fuck!” Abby screamed, turning around facing you with a murderous look on her face.

“Y/n” Ellie said, struggling to breath a ruby colored bruise developing on her neck.

“No time to fucking talk” You pointed your gun at Abby's other knee but was distracted when an arrow hit your shoulder. The adrenaline made the pain fade away quickly and you yanked it out. Quickly, Abby was trying to get up, but Ellie pounced on top of her giving you some time to grab the kid in a headlock, holding a gun to his temple.

“Abby you need to fuck off right now before I shoot.”  Abby froze, staring at you for a bit before finally seeing your face in the dim light.

The child struggled but you held your arm tighter, making it nearly impossible for him to get any air. After seeing how fucked up Ellie was, your hesitation to kill the child was still there but you werent above scaring him. Your threat was empty but Abby didn't need to know that.

“Y/n, baby what the fuck?” She sounded heartbroken.

“I'm not playing, you need to get out of my sight before I blow this kid's brains out.”

“Abby, please” The kid spoke up, between shallow breaths, turning a little purple with suffocation.

“Shut the fuck up!” You held your arm tighter, he could no longer speak and his eyes were rolling into the back of his skull.

It was Ellie’s turn to look confused. They fact that Abby called you, “Baby” and knew your name creating a sudden sick feeling inside of her. 

Abby looked conflicted, she cared for the child. She was almost completely alone, with no Owen, no Nora, no dad. This kid was all she had left. And you could see her thought process, split between two sides; the urge to get revenge and the fear of being by herself. Especially since you had clearly chosen Ellie’s side.

Your heart was pumping in your ears, she had to let Ellie go. She was cornered.

“Okay! Fuck! Okay!”  Abby stopped fighting. You knew she would listen. She always heard you out.

Ellie, on the other hand, was in a frenzy.

“Y/n shoot her!”  Ellie said, no weapon to defend herself. She moved Abby onto her stomach and held her head up, as if beheading her. You couldn't move. The way Abby looked at you was still tragic. Her blue eyes pierced into yours. You were in your own world, the way she had looked at you started to pull you back into her. Ellie looked pissed.

“Y/n fucking shoot!” She was screaming now, tears of anger running down her cheeks, mixing with blood running from her forehead. You looked between them both. 

Never in your life had you felt so torn up inside.Bile built up in your throat, and salty tears began to fall down your face. Your heart suddenly slowed. Every memory of Abby flashed through your mind, the whispers, the touches, the kisses, the moments alone. The way she once made you feel resurrected when she gazed at you so full of desperation, begging you to come home. Her eyes spoke to you, saying that she would forgive you and forget everything if you put a stop to all this. But is that what you wanted? To forget Ellie? To fall back into Abby’s arms? Being her little trophy, her girl? To feel inferior, like you only belonged when she made you belong. 

No, no, no, no. You couldn't go back. You couldn't lose Ellie.

And so as the child passed out in your arms, falling to the floor unconscious and likely dead. You pointed your gun and shot.

Abby’s brain matter splattered against Ellie’s face. The sight of it made you fall to your knees and hurl. You threw up everything, until only clear liquid projected from your insides. Your vision blurred with tears and Ellie got up wiping her face off. You pressed your forehead to the floor, and sobbed wracked through your body. You have done it. You had killed her. You would never see her smile, hear her laugh, never feel her touch ever again. 

You couldn't say anything coherent, Ellie approached you like you were a wounded animal.

“Y/n?” She sat next to you rubbing your back. She didn't know why you were crying so hard,she suspected a psychotic break. You couldn't stop screaming, you couldn't stop crying. You were a murderer. You killed someone, and it took killing her to understand that despite all the anger you felt, there was still love behind that hatred. You loved her. And she was gone. Everything was all your fault. 

Ellie, had held her arms around you and you gripped onto her as if she would leave you too. The sobs turned into cries, and the cries turned into sniffles. She got you up and away from the corpses. The corpses you created. Ellie seemed to understand that now was not the right time to question you, not while the image of Abby’s blown up skull was still freshly engraved in your brain. 

It was then Ellie’s turn to take you to the bathroom, wash you down, caress your back when you continued to vomit and wipe your mouth after. She took you to the couch and tucked you in, and once again, she held you, saying nothing. She was at a loss for words, she was never really good with communicating. She wasn't sure why you were so broken but she had a gut wrenching feeling that you had not been telling the truth.

Ellie couldn't sleep that night, neither could you. Not when every time that you closed your eyes you saw what you had done. You saw the blood, her organs, her insides spilling onto the floor. You saw the way she looked at you, the only time she had ever been afraid of you. You saw the girl you fell in love with. And she was gone, forever.

Notes: well that was dramatic.

#ellie x reader #gaming #eventual smut #fem reader #ellie williams #the last of us 2 #angst #abby x reader #abby anderson #ellie tlou2

[tiredhawks]

Lmao, call me petty but I want Hawks to keep some of his win records, it's sad enough Hori decided he was past his prime at 23, and YET this man is going toe to toe with AFO while disabled (which is his QUIRK) with nothing but two katanas and swung hard enough to BREAK the steel. And now he's going to fight AFO in his prime. All Might could never. I hope AFO stays there the whole time, getting rewinded until he turns into a toddler and Hawks just punts him into the sun. Let Deku's legacy be saving Shigaraki's heart, let Hawks' new legacy be decapitating AFO and bullying toddler demon lords. Anyways this got away from me, but we don't actually know which half of the year Hawks debuted right? For all we know, it could've been his birthday, April as is the new school year and when Mt. Lady did, so technically, it's up in the air how quickly after he turned 18 that he hit the top ten, and so it is unknown how quickly Deku would have to be to break that record. Hawks could have a week earlier on him for all we know.

Anon you are going to make me write a literal essay here. I 100% agree. I think people severely overlook how crazy Hawks' accomplishments were too. People make similar comments about 1a's big three doing what Hawks did. And honestly they won't. Endeavor has insanely powerful fire quirk, the will, and is work obsessed. He did not do what Hawks did. He was the second youngest, I think? But there is still a few years difference there. So how would Bakugo or Shoto be in a different situation? Realistically, they wouldn't. They would ascend the ranks quickly, but not in the way Hawks did.

Izuku is a special case because he is All Might's successor and the world is desperately missing All Might. But at this moment, people don't actually know that. And winning the war is a huge accomplishment, but there is a limit to how much that can boost him overall. It's a point scale, not an arbitrary number handed out. And here's the thing- they are first year students. No matter what happens, they cant be pro heroes as students. That's several years of lag for public attention to die out and other things to happen. We can't assume what does or doesn't happen in those years. We also shouldn't forget that Izuku is kinda unpopular right now. We just had an arc where people gathered outside UA to not let him back in. The civilians in MHA don't see the world we see, the fights we do, or what these kids are dealing with. There's too much going on here to say yes or no. Could Izuku do it? Possibly, but I don't think it's as likely as people act. Does he deserve it? Obviously, he's literally going to save Japan. But the hero ranking is a process and I still think it's important the narration says "how I become the greatest hero" and not the number 1. This isn't a is Izuku better than Hawks comparison, it's a discussion of how hero ranking works.

(Not to mention the commission is fucked up right now and it seems the way everything is headed is that there won't be ranks anymore at all.)

Hawks had very unique circumstances considering he was literally groomed since 7 years old to fill this role. He had the personality, the looks, the knowledge, and a quirk that makes him extremely extremely extremely active. He is a workaholic to an unhealthy amount. THAT is how he climbed the ranks impossibly fast. There was not a single second he wasnt scoring popularity points or activity points, or both at the same time. And that WASNT. GOOD.

We don't WANT that. Hawks broke records because he was in a situation that was the product of everything fucked with hero society.

That's the point of his character. Hawks worked and worked and was handsome with the perfect quirk and broke records and made girls swoon- and Keigo didn't exist. Keigo was not a person. Hawks the hero was the only thing there. The entire point of his character is to show the problem with hero society and to have people go "my fav will break his record lol" IT DOES INDEED IRK ME A LITTLE BIT. And you addressed this by mentioning Hawks being last his prime at 23. That is so incredibly depressing and people just gloss over what it actually means. Izuku is supposed to be healthy, have a life, have friends, have off time. He's not supposed to be in this war at all or have this pressure. And before anyone goes "girl, it was a joke TikTok" listen, this isn't about the TikTok anymore. This is an attitude and thought process I have repeatedly seen in this fandom. Oh my god I'm just going to make another post about Hawks' work this is so long

[iri-scrublord]

Chill Season! 2!! Weapon Review!!!

Alright so I'm going to put my faith in the fact that this god-forsaken site is going to put most of my shit under a cut so your dash isn't inundated with my stuff, so here we go. I'll put my overall thoughts in the tags in case you can't be assed to read what's probably going to be a hell of a post.

I'm going to ramble for a bit about accessibility here so if you don't give a shit about that look for the next big heading.

If you know me at all, you know that I'm a weapons guy. I'm disabled, I've got dwarfism, which means I'm way shorter than the average inkling at 3' even. I've got shorter limbs and (importantly) smaller hands/shorter fingers than the average squid does.

Now anyone who knows Squidforce knows that at the best of times they can be kinda fuckin' ableist. Remember the fiasco with Kraken Poisoning seven years ago? Or, hell, to foreshadow my thoughts on the weapons now, the Splattercolor Screen?

I mod weapons. I do them in my garage, Mr. Grizz is my hero and role model. But unlike him, who just takes the safety off of literally anything he gets his hands on, I mod my weapons to be usable by squids with different body types (sometimes I also take the safety off for fun). And before the De-Recall era, where the pro leagues moved to Splatsville (represent), what I do was considered illegal for tournament rules.

And people are going to tell me that we have the Extra Leagues, and sure. I've participated in those. And honestly they're really cool, especially because all things considered I'm one of the lucky ones who has a splat's chance in hell to participate in Turf and Anarchy. Some squids and octos have ailments that make that literally impossible, but still want to compete. I'm not knocking the Extra Leagues here. Hell I make weapons for the damn things.

What I am saying is that I know modding weapons. I know how it works, I know how much of a pain in the fuckin' ass it is to get synergies to work right, and I lose my fucking MIND every time some drooling idiot goes "This weapon needs a Burst Bomb"

BITCH EVERY WEAPON NEEDS A BURST BOMB, YOU THINK EVERY WEAPON'S GOING TO TAKE ONE? SOME KITS ARE GARBAGE FOR A REASON

Anyway, accessibility and modification possibility are things that I rank pretty highly in weapons, and while SF's been cleaning up their act since the De-Recall FOR THE MOST PART, there's still a few stinkers in here I'm going to be docking points from.

Okay that shit's out of the way here we go.

Foil Squeezer (w/ Autobomb and Splattercolor Screen)

Right out the gate I alluded to something that I'm going to need to talk about right away. The special of this thing terrifies me. The hell was Squidforce thinking?? Sure, the structure of the thing's impressive. Throw a sippy cup and you've suddenly got a huge strangely shaped wall of liquid.

What's that liquid do? It gives you goddamn achromatopsia. Who thought this was okay??? Who the hell looked at something like that and said it was fine?? There's already been several complaints I've heard about it around my circles, and I wouldn't be surprised if this thing got banned or reworked in the coming months.

Anyway this is supposed to be about the Foil Squeezer not the Screen so.

The Squeezer is already a pretty solid weapon, two firing modes, hell of a mechanism in the thing to have two separate compartments for the different pressurization levels of the ink inside. Pain in the ass to mod. As far as kits go, we don't know how much it sucks to get the Splashdown or Screen onto them yet (haven't got my hands on a devkit yet) but autobombs are pretty reliable. In terms of synergy? You can throw the bitches through the screen to put pressure, so that's good. Pretty costly for an already ink-hungry weap, but I'll say it's decent, if with a scary scary scary special.

Nouveau's Snipewriter 5B (w/ Splash Wall and Ink Storm)

Remember when Snipewriter first came out and we thought it sucked

hahahaha

This thing's synergistic as all hell. A wall to protect it. A Storm for chip damage which Snipewriter thrives off of. And to top it off a nice red finish. I think they used a different type of wood for it too, which I can appreciate it. Softer.

Fun fact: the origin of the 5H and 5B for the Snipewriters are from the ancient rating system the humans used to use on pencils way back when. 5B uses a much softer graphite for the pencils than the 5H does - art more than writing. I'm not a huge history buff compared to some of my friends but I thought that was neat.

Anyway this weapon's horrifying but I still respect it more than the E-Liter.

Enperry Splat Dualies (w/ Curling Bomb and Triple Splashdown)

You're as beautiful as the day I left you.

In all seriousness I've got a soft spot for curling bombs. And like, not as a traversal tool which like yes it's very useful in that. I like killing with it it's fun

For Triple Splashdown...it's public knowledge that its daddy sucked. That it's one of the worst specials in history, rivalled only by the Reef Slider. So how is the Triple version? It's...

good I guess. I mean like, it's hard to shoot the guy down and not die yourself. So like that's cool. With the Enperries they've got okay synergy? I mean it's no Inkjet, but it's fun to roll in and then pop the special if you've got someone pinned up against a wall.

So like...passable! Which is good!

Undercover Sorella Brella (w/ Torpedo and Splattercolor Screen)

Alright, I'm going to address the mormyridae in the room and talk about the basic Undercover Brella kit. It's awful. Of course it's awful. But nobody really talks about why because nobody talks about the actual logistics for kits.

I kind of alluded to this earlier but one of my pet peeves is like when someone goes "bluuuh why don't they just give this burst bomb" "weh weh Inkstrike would be way better" "why don't you give this thing a wall why does it have a mineeeee"

Giving a weapon a kit isn't as simple as 'This weapon would be good with this sub and this special'. A weapon's infrastructure has to support the sub and special. Think of them like puzzle pieces - the more you try and shove the Suction Bomb piece into a Bamboozler, the more you're going to have to mod it to make it fit.

And as we've been over, Squidforce fucking hates modding.

Put more seriously, tournament regs say that for a weapon alt to be legal, the base weapon itself's gotta perform exactly like the vanilla variant. No differences in ink efficiency, accuracy, spread, ink calibre, nothing like that. So the more you mod a weapon to fit a heavy sub like a Suction Bomb, the less likely you'll get it to work exactly like the base weapon.

That being said: the reason the vanilla Undercover's kit sucks is because it's literally just an umbrella. It's not even a heavy duty one it's one you can pick up at the dollar store for 500G. Weighs five pounds at most, and they shoved an ink chamber into the shaft. Ink Mine and Reef Slider are light as hell additions, and frankly out of the ones that we've got tournament standard are the only ones I would bet you could actually be fitted onto the weapon to begin with.

Which makes the Undercover Sorella an engineering miracle. A middling, mediocre engineering miracle.

Custom Blaster (w/ Point Sensor and Triple Splashdown)

Keeping it short and simple, don't have a lot to say about this one. The Point Sensor's a good support weapon for a blaster, but makes it lack a good poking tool to make people move once they're marked, meaning you're more reliant on your team to poke for you by basically saying 'over there!' Not necessarily a bad thing, but makes it hurt for inking power.

Triple Splashdown....I dunno. I don't see anything for it? It's alright as a panic button, I guess, but the Blaster doesn't have the tools to corner someone, which is where the Splashdown excels.

Special ain't great for it, but the sub changes the weapon's role in an interesting way.

Nintendo's S-BLAST '91 (w/ Burst Bomb and Booyah Bomb)

I went off on how amazing the base weapon is on this a while ago, before I forgot to review the Dread Wringer and the Heavy Edit. I'm not reviewing those until/unless they get alt kits. Fuck you.

I went off on how tough Burst Bombs are to get onto kits a while ago, which...I mean if you asked me before this season I would have told you you were INSANE for saying that something as complex as the S-Blast would get a Burst. But here we are. Some-fucking-how Nintendo worked a goddamn miracle.

Is it effective?

...kinda? Kinda.

Booyah's Booyah, not much to say about it. It's decent on basically everything that gets it as far as I'm concerned.

Painbrush Nouveau (w/ Point Sensor and Tenta Missiles)

Painbrush is another weapon I never really got around to reviewing the base of. It's a scary thing. The Dynamo of brushes except it's actually pretty effective because it only takes a week to come out swinging instead of seven happy years of marriage. I can't imagine a time you'd actually be skating with the thing unless you're in a bad spot, and if you're in a bad spot you're dead anyway.

Unlike with the Custom Blaster, I really like the Point Sensor on this thing. Brushes are meant to be annoying little bastards, and constantly marking people with a weapon that has three times as much range as you think it does makes you the biggest little bastard on the map at any given time.

And if it wasn't bastard enough, you have Missiles for extra bastard.

Painbrush Nouveau - a weapon for the bastard in you.

REEF-LUX 450 Deco (w/ Splash Wall and Reef Slider)

*fucking chokes and dies*

Nouveau's Neo Splatana Stamper (w/ Toxic Mist and Crab Tank)

Probably one of the more interesting kits we got. The original Stamper's got the Burst Bomb and Zipcaster. And as everyone knows before the Burst got its infamous capacity nerf, this thing is FEARSOME with the damn things. So when we saw the new kit with Toxic Mist all the Burst Chuds lost their goddamn minds.

What are they going to do, give it Burst Bomb again? Get over yourself.

This version of the weapon's definitely more support based - sensing a theme with a few of the kits this season honestly - but not as much as you might think. Toxic Mist is important soft area denial, but more than that, it makes landing your Vert-Hori combo a LOT easier, because anyone moving through it will be moving slower than your vertical slash, which is saying something because that thing's nearly as bad as the Grizzco Slosher.

This leads the weapon to a much more thoughtful, methodical style compared to its hopped up brother, which I ended up really liking while testing the weapon out. You're not going to be getting quad after quad like Pro Bigboy Chara or something, but with Mist and Crab you're going to be doing your team a service by playing this weapon well.

And that's it. This is the first time I've actually done a real-ass weapon review on tumblr, so...if anyone other than Astral sees this I'll be happy.

Maybe I'll do another one next season? Who knows.

Feel free to shoot me asks or reply in the comments if you've got any questions or dissenting opinions. I love talking shop about weapon shit with anyone who isn't Astral because her opinions fucking suck.

Please someone give me other opinions to go off of I only have hers someone help

#Foil Squeezer: decent with a scary special #Snipewriter 5B: horrifying but I still respect it more than the E-Liter #Enperry Splat Dualies: passable! which is good! #Undercover Sorella Brella: an engineering miracle. A middling mediocre engineering miracle #Custom Blaster: special ain't great for it but the sub changes the weapon's role in an interesting way #S-BLAST '91: Is it effective?...kinda? Kinda. #Painbrush Nouveau: a weapon for the bastard in you #REEF-LUX 450 Deco: *fucking chokes and dies* #Neo Splatana Stamper: you won't be getting quad after quad...[but you'll] be doing your team a service by playing the weapon well.

[etincelleart]

Honestly, my ideal Penny is one who's mostly or entirely mechanical, loves being mostly or entirely mechanical, but is able to refuel using food somehow.

Just, getting rid of the mechanical body feels like taking away Blake's cat ears, an important part of the character's identity is just GONE all of a sudden.

Plus, Penny being entirely mechanical was the one thing stopping the Atlas Arc from being disgustingly ableist. (I'm just going to say there's a reason I put more focus on how Ironwood treats other people's bodies versus him exercising his own bodily autonomy when I want him to raise red flags in my fics.)

Heck, my ideal Winter is a paralytic who relies on mobility aids to get around. (Here's how Cyborg!Winter can still win!)

There's a reason I'm hoping that reviving Penny would cost Winter the Maiden Powers. We need more positive disabled rep in canon.

I see what you mean, but in that case they shouldn't have made her human at all then. I completely agree about the fact that her robotic functions and abilities are amazing and make her really strong and unique, like when she gave precise directions to go in the military base, or when she detected Cinder's warmth in Amity so she was able to tell the difference with all the clones. But what I think would be cruel is to make her human (and she was surprised/shocked, but not displeased by it), and put her back in a robotic body. What's the point of making her human and open so much doors and possibilities for her to explore every aspect of humanity, if it's for closing it right away and putting her back into a body we already know ? We had several volumes when she was there to discover her android abilities, and even if she's always full of surprises, I think making her human kinda makes it impossible (to me) for her to go back into a robotic body. It's like a step forward for her to really live her life, and it would feel weird for me if she was just in a metallic body once again. But I can understand why people would prefer a robot Penny, and I would be completely ok with it IF she didn't have that human body from Ambrosius at the end of Volume 8. But putting her back into a robotic body really feels like gaining the ability to smell, to touch, to feel the world in a empirical way, only to shut it down immediately and keep her to what she was before. Narratively it wouldn't really make sense to me :'] And even if robot Penny was incredible during V8, I think human Penny still has a lot to discover ! I mean there's this whole empirical aspect of course (what would I do to see her eat food or drink for the first time--). But she also doesn't have any Semblance, during the short time she was human she didn't get the time to discover it. Depending on what it is, it could be something really interesting to discover, just like Jaune unlocked his Semblance !

As for Winter, I like how she was helped by some exoskeleton at the beginning of Volume 8, it was nice to see her struggling for a bit after what Cinder did to her at the end of V7. I like Winter as the Winter Maiden tho, it makes sense for her and she seems more confident in that position than Penny was, because Penny never wanted these powers and Winter finally learned to accept them and embrace them to help her do her best. I wouldn't be mad if the Maiden powers could just disappear too someday, I don't want Penny to be the Maiden back, it's either Winter stays the Maiden, or the powers finally disappear because idk, who knows what could happen at the end of RWBY, the two Brothers and the Blacksmith could definitely be involved. But yeah I thought that if Ozma and Salem finally stop their war and decide to rest, then the magic they gave to people (as Ozma gave magic to the Maidens) would disappear as well.

#rwby #rwby discussion #discussion #theory #rwby theory #penny #penny polendina #penny revival #penny 3.0 #robot #android #human #maiden #winter maiden #winter #winter schnee #cinder #cinder fall

[revelautions]

It's been a long time since I've been on Tumblr. I made a new one bc I'm terrified of my ex finding anything I say. Not because I think they would physically hurt me in response, I don't, but bc I can't bring myself to hurt them in any way.

And honestly, that's kind of always been my biggest problem.

They didn't feel the same way. They would provoke emotional responses from me intentionally.

They would also insist that they had a right to try to pressure me into sex, bc they had a higher sex drive, didn't believe I was attracted to them, didn't believe I would stay with them, didn't feel like I was taking their needs into consideration.

And there was nothing I could do to convince them that they were wrong.

They could and would state that they understood that nothing excuses pressuring a partner about sex in the context of literally anyone else.

But nothing could convince them that they weren't an exception.

Despite their claims, there is NO disability that gives anyone the right to pressure a partner about sex.

And that was just one of the things that had been consistent since the beginning.

And I cannot tell our friends about that. I cannot say to them, who only became friends with me because of my ex, that my ex spent a decade emotionally manipulating me constantly, and not just about sex.

I can't tell them that I don't have other friends because every friend who tried to keep in touch with me at all was Not Good Enough for my ex, and therefore I was basically harassed into not engaging with them.

I can't tell them that our relationship really started to fall apart when I became too sick not to stand up for myself anymore.

I can't tell them that my ex basically broke up with me because they couldn't get away with emotionally abusing me anymore in the name of their own trauma and disabilities.

I can't tell them that the same day my ex threw something at me, they accused me of emotional manipulation when I cried and admitted that I was scared.

I can't tell them that my ex admits to most of their past behavior, but that they refuse to acknowledge it for what it actually is.

I can't tell them that the reason they rarely heard me speak is because my ex was constantly speaking over me.

I can't tell them that I had pointed it out and asked multiple times for my ex to stop.

I can't tell them that I also have all the disabilities my ex claims gave them the right to behave this way. And my ex knows good and damn well that it wouldn't have been okay for me to act like that.

I can't tell them that I spent a decade being told that my emotions were a problem and my ex's were beyond their control.

I can't tell them that my ex spent a decade talking about how terrified they were of ending up in a relationship like their parents', only to behave exactly like the relationship they were desperately trying to avoid.

I can't tell them that I couldn't leave, because I couldn't hurt my ex, because they had stated that they would "go crazy" or d*e without me.

I can't tell them that I am so deeply traumatized that I am the closest I have ever been to legitimately su***dal. (I won't. I can't hurt them like that. Even now.)

I can't tell them that I have been made to feel so deeply like a burden that I don't know how to even try to recover.

I can't tell them that my ex made a selfish decision that put me into a position that I had just expressed to them was impossible for me.

I can't tell them that I have lost absolutely everything.

I can't tell them that it's entirely possible that everything my ex has ever said about me privately may have been intended to paint me as a Problem.

I can't know how much of any of it my ex really believes.

I can't know how much of any of it my ex lies about even to themself.

I can't bring myself to try to address it directly, even now. Because it would hurt them. And I can't hurt them.

I really really wish that they felt that way about me. I really really wish that anyone did.

Because even though all of this is true, I do love them. And I wasn't going to leave them. And I wanted to be good enough for them.

But, just like always, I'm not.

[stop-using-prev-tags]

Honestly I'm so petty with getting prevved that if someone "Haha prev tags"es me, I reblog the post again with my tags, and then delete the post. I'm that fucking spiteful about it.

Which, that brings up that "prev tags" is a serious archival issue. I kinda avoid that issue, since I make sure to preserve the tags, but just because I avoid it doesn't mean it won't get avoided. Like, if you screenshot or copy-paste tags into the body of the post, then it's there. Someone will reblog it, and it will probably spread. The only way to get rid of that is if everyone involved deactivates, which is pretty unlikely for people to do in a short period, and by that point, more people will most likely have reblogged those tags.

But with prev tags... if ONE person in the reblog chain has deactivated or deleted the post, that's it. You cannot access those beloved tags, it's almost impossible to find them. And it's far worse if the person themself has deleted the post with the tags, because then it's just LOST.

Unless, of course, someone screenshotted them, but pfft, who does THAT anymore? Just fuckin prev tags everyone! Nevermind how it's annoying, fucks with people with memory issues (like me, ADHD), has major archival issues, and is just generally a bad thing! Because who like, ACTUALLY interacts with anyone anymore, PFFFT, what are you nuts? If someone at a party says something funny, and you wanna share it, you go up to someone and go "You won't believe what Steve said! Go find Steve to find out what he said!" After all, what else are you gonna do, TELL THEM what Steven said?

like. seriously.

I can't see a single positive to using prev tags. Especially since with the new editor and with mobile, YOU CAN JUST COPY PASTE THE TAGS TO YOUR POST. Like, okay I can understand not wanting to strain yourself too much if, say, you have a disability, but (and take this with a grain of salt, as I'm not physically disabled) I feel like tapping the tags to get them over there, before going "<- prev" wouldn't really be straining? Again, I'm not physically disabled, so take it with a HUGE grain of salt, but. Idk.

I'm not gonna add anything substantial to this one. I do honestly legitimately feel bad for people whose website use is getting fucked over by not being able to use ''prev tags'' and I really dislike the change that resulted in that fucking over, but...

''prev tags'' only works if you can *always* access the specific instance of the post whose tags you're referencing; if that reblog (or the original if that's where the tags are from) gets deleted, then the 'prev tags' becomes just a lost little sign pointing to nothing

#I'm not as petty as the person who sent the ask wrt people prev-tagging me but like. it is annoying and i understand the impulse

[casspurrjoybell-26]

Too Old For This - Chapter 24 - Part 2

*Warning Adult Content*

"I was worried we weren't on the same page."

Leroy dropped to his mattress, sitting down as he stared at the door of his bedroom.

"And what page are we on?" he asked, pinching the bedsheet fabric, with his free hand.

"That we're not just friends," Zachary said, in a matter-of-fact tone. Leroy sighed, touching his forehead as he tried to decode what Zachary was saying.

"Is that it?"

"Yes," Zachary said, quite frankly.

"Okay, then what are we? What's the same page?"

"I don't know what we are but you're not just my friend and I'm not going to talk about you like that," Zachary said, probably referring to how he spoke to his sister and the few internet connections he kept.

"You're someone that I'm seeing."

Leroy felt the corner of his lip twitch when he heard that.

'That's just... adorable.'

The overwhelming feeling in his chest made his face hit up and his stomach fluttered with butterflies.

Was Zachary talking about him like a boyfriend?

Gosh, he wished he was.

"That's disappointing. I thought I was more important than that," Leroy muttered.

"I thought I was your boyfriend."

There was an uncomfortably long pause at the other end of the line until Zachary dragged out a sigh.

"Err..." he trailed off, looking for his words.

"Since when."

"Since now," Leroy said, smiling a little.

To be fair, they'd already spent a considerable amount of time together and it wasn't like Leroy didn't think about it.

He'd been more concerned that Zachary wouldn't be into it or might call it out as an impossibility but hearing Zachary get defensive about their supposed title, meant that he did care and he did want them to be together regardless of the limitations.

"Oh..." Zachary trailed off.

"Oh, okay..."

Leroy wasn't sure if Zachary was baffled or just shocked into losing all his words but he didn't want to focus on it too long in case the man changed his mind on the spot.

"Well, like I was saying..." he trailed off.

"My manager was wondering if you'd like to be contracted with us. You'd get to be a consultant and bill us by the hour and work however you like. It should be flexible enough that you won't get burnt out or get in trouble for making too much with the government. I thought about anything that could possibly be a problem on my transit home and honestly, I think it's perfect. You don't have to worry too much about how long something takes to deliver. Fuck, I'll type for you if you want..." Leroy paused when he realized that Zachary hadn't interjected once.

"Zachary, are you still there?"

The sound of the older man shifting on the other end was audible but he didn't say anything.

"I'm your boyfriend?"

"Oh, for fuck's sake, please pay attention," Leroy said, laughing through the mix of frustration and amusement.

"I'm listening... I just wanted to make sure I heard that part right..." he muttered.

"About the job. It seems great but I've never worked for a company. A few clients here and there that ran small stores online but like... it was never a whole company. How the hell did you manage to get me the one thing I've been looking for, for years?" Zachary asked and Leroy took that in, remembering all the time the older man would explain how working had just been mostly impossible for him because he couldn't keep up with his work with his disability and that no one was also willing to hire him for unusual hours.

"Well," Leroy started, undoing the tie that was beginning to feel uncomfortable.

"It's luck and your work spoke for itself during the presentation..."  

"It wasn't my work..."

"We would have lost a marketing deal if you hadn't pointed that out," Leroy said, not letting Zachary deny his involvement.      

"You're a genius," Leroy said.

"Literally one, I suppose but whenever I'm with you and we watch movies, talk about books, discuss politics here and there you're extremely good at boiling things to bone and you have an amazing understanding about what makes writing work... it doesn't matter if it's the plot of a movie or how the ingredient list on a shampoo bottle is formatted. You must know and it's the most impressive thing I've ever seen anyone do and it bothers me so much that you've never gotten the accommodations you deserve to do what you do and you should be so much more confident than you are."    

Zachary didn't say anything, and Leroy sighed, lying on the bed as he looked at the ceiling.

"Fuck. I don't care how slowly you write your novel idea. I just know it will be amazing when it's done and I know they'll pay you out of their nose when you get this job to keep your business."

There was still no response from Zachary and Leroy was getting desperate.

"Come on Zachary, just send me your C.V. and portfolio. If you think I over-sold you or something, they'll make up their mind when they have that."  

"Please?"

 "I'll send it. Just text me your email," Leroy sighed, as the tension in his nerves loosened up.

"You won't regret it."

"Leroy?"

"Hmm?"

"Just to make sure when you said we were boyfriends, you weren't just teasing me, right?"

"Oh, my God. No, I wasn't teasing you," Leroy groaned, chuckling as he brought his fists to his face.

"Are you going to confirm every other hour now?"

"I might, just in case," Zachary said, in a tone that didn't seem ironic.  Zachary's response sent Leroy into another fit of laughter.

Zachary was so peculiar.

'His boyfriend' was so peculiar.

[meaning-and-me]

10/23/2023

I keep wanting to post about this framework change I've had in the last few months, mostly on instagram since that's where the majority of my friends are, but I honestly don't know where to start. It feels like there is so much missing if I just say, "I'm pretty sure the benzodiazepine I've been on for over a decade was poisoning me". There is so much information I feel like I need to provide in order for folks to take this seriously, and one thing just leads to another, and then I've written something way too long instead of summing things up the way I'd like to.

The shortest thing I can come up with is,

I was bedridden for about three years, and then I found out the psych meds I had been on for a long time were making me much sicker.

That's not a lot but it does the job I guess. My mind still runs wild with the knowledge that there's lots of people out there who don't believe or know that medications can do this to people- after all, I took them as prescribed. Wouldn't the doctors have realized?

And also, who I am to say definitively what caused what. It's impossible to really say, there's just been one thing after another for years. There's people who would read my story if I ever wrote it and chalk everything up to anxiety and coincidence. At this stage in my life that's too hurtful to face, so I keep most of what's happened to myself.

Another wrench in talking about it- it's so new I'm honestly in disbelief. It is hard to contend with the phrase "I have been in bed for three years", being the one who went through it, and knew the terror and limitations that brought. Most people unfamiliar with that level of disability will not understand either. I'm only beginning to process what that means now, as I face trying to rejoin the world, and realizing everything I've been missing. Not only that, but to go through that and have it change SO quickly (in crip time, at least). When I stopped taking my benzodiazepine, which was the last of my psych meds remaining, it was as though a fog lifted. Pain started to dissipate. Many many symptoms I had accepted as a part of my life now were proven to be much less permanent than I thought.

Through all this, the way I see myself has changed, and that is strange to contend with as well. I feel guilty for this sometimes because I know so many people who are really beloved friends and may never have the opportunity I am having, to get spontaneously so much better. But basically I've gone from seeing my life as...how to phrase it. Mostly symptoms, a little bit of person. To All person, yes with a lot of symptoms still, but existing despite that. I have a chance now to be more than just managing. I've had a total reorientation of self as the concept of my illness has changed, from innate to iatrogenic injury. I find this both extremely liberating and infuriating at the same time. It is radicalizing in a new way, and another way that my psychiatric trauma will haunt me forever, honestly. Madness is at the root of so much of my life experience- Madness, trauma, and how society deals with that. I identify more with fellow psychiatric survivors than I do a person who has never experienced mental illness but has the same physical conditions as me. I think this was always true, but when I found out everything was being extremely exacerbated by the medications I'd been taking for years and years this became more important than ever. I NEED to be around people who believe in iatrogenic injury, and understand how the systems around us create and worsen disability.

[cavalryofwoah]

New Year's Resolution Check-in: Working with the Disabled Trash Panda I Am, Not the Homemaker Ideal I Am Not.

Steps taken to solve problems:

Identify life problems that make me unhappy (mostly household chaos)

List all the steps it takes to regularly do the tasks required to fix that problem. Really break it down into small, simple steps.

List all barriers between doing that and not doing that. EVERY small thing counts as a barrier in this case. Do you never have clean laundry? What makes laundry hard? For me that was:

It's hard to carry my laundry to the machine.

My back is fucked up and lifting the heavy laundry detergent is very painful.

I'm short so reaching into the wash to pull out wet clothes requires a stepstool and sadness.

Repeatedly bending to put stuff in the dryer hurts.

Putting away the clean laundry means getting the laundry basket back to my room.

Trying to sort and fold things to organize is Not Me.

With my ADHD I apparently have limited object permanence, in the sense that if I cannot very easily see the article of clothing I don't remember it exists and then I accidentally never wear it for a year so honestly what's the point? (The same thing happens with food at the back of the fridge)

Ways I made laundry easier for Trash Pandas:

Laundry basket hard to carry -> got a laundry basket with wheels

Detergent too heavy to lift -> got a tilted stand for the detergent bottle that is put on a counter near the washer, so it's at reaching height and never has to be lifted

Reaching down into washer hard -> washer broke, so when I replaced it, I got a taller side-loader, which doesn't require doing that. I wouldn't have done this if the first one hadn't broken though

Dryer bending painful -> it's easier if I tilt my laundry basket sideways and bring it down to the floor with me so I can stay crouching and not go up and down multiple times

Folding laundry is impossible -> stop folding and hanging the laundry. Just identify the clothing item, ball it back up, and stuff it in the same area as similar stuff

Forget out of sight clothes exist -> eliminate drawers that have to be pulled out, get rid of all hangers except for absolutely necessary Fancy Clothes ones, stop using shelves you can't reach or see easily, and get rid of anything that requires multiple steps to see the clothes. Embrace open shelves where everything is visible.

Not enough shelves -> Get the hanging kind of open faced storage cubbies to add to your closet or door, and keep clothes in the open shelves by category. I got a pants hanger for my work slacks so I don't have to fold and stack them, I just kinda drape them on the sticks. No folding and no wrinkles

No matching socks -> get new socks, ALL THE SAME STYLE, 2-3 colors of the same ones. Keep a few fun socks and throw out the rest of your old ones. Be honest. They have holes in them. The donation places don't want them.

Get laundry garment bags and put one where you usually take your socks off (not where socks belong, but where they actually come off). All socks go directly from feet to garment bag, zip garment bag closed and wash them in that. Then put a new bag out and live with one bag of clean socks and one bag of dirty socks.

Socks only go from clean bag to feet to dirty bag, which then becomes the new clean bag on laundry day. Socks can't get lost in the laundry if they're always in Sock Bag Containment, and you can just reach in to find a matched pair quickly because they're all the same style, so they all match in Sock Feel and color is limited.

Relish in how put-together you feel while always having clean matched socks. Instant mood boost for me tbh.

These are just the laundry changes I made to accommodate Disabled Trash Panda Reality. I still don't always have perfectly clean put-away clothes, but I can do it a lot more often, and I can always find matching socks. So life is going better in several aspects.

I consider this very vague New Year's Resolution a success!

[rosemary-is-in-pesterquest]

okay I gotta get something off my chest about Eridan's pesterquest route cuz I never see anyone get annoyed about it and it drives me nuts. y'know how he talks about liking wearing feminine clothing and talks about gender identity stuff? it's been forever since I've revisited this, but basically, I thought it was super weird the first time I played that route cuz it kind of like... mischaracterizes Alternian society?

like, hear me out cuz this shit gets a little odd. first of all, gender arguably meant very little to the trolls in terms of social restrictions or roles and expectations, and I think that's because of the broader theme of the trolls having different issues than the humans. see, it was always sort of a part joke, part worldbuilding, part social commentary sort of thing, that some things that were a big deal to humans weren't a big deal to trolls, and vise versa. for example, sexuality is basically a non-existent issue for trolls, and due to the way reproduction and genetic diversity works in their species, it's basically impossible for them to care about incest as we know it, and gender doesn't seem to matter as much to them socially when it comes to dating. meanwhile, the humans don't understand anything about the hemospectrum, and the complicated web of issues faced by those lower or higher on that spectrum. we see everyone struggle with their position, from Feferi putting in the work of staving off genocide by keeping her lusus fed, to Equius's trouble reconciling his natural inclination to behave subserviently with his class's expectation that he subjugate those lower on the spectrum, to Vriska's own struggle to survive by ruthless means... high bloods don't necessarily have things easier. but those lower on the hemospectrum are subjected to a lot of cruel systemic threats, which are often the direct result of the expectations that high bloods face. it's all pretty complicated, and the human kids are at a total loss... they have no clue about any of this.

so with that being the case... the things that Eridan was saying about his gender identity just seemed like they were issues imported from human society, rather than issues that would actually manifest that way on Alternia. on Alternia, it's doubtful that anyone would give a shit about gender identity, to the point where I doubt there'd really be much discussion around it. Alternia is kind of a rude and ornery place by nature... part of the joke is that Altenians may be literal aliens called trolls, but their society also produces a population of rude and ornery people that communicate primarily online... making them also internet trolls in the expected sense. therefore, if they find something that they can pick on you for, they will do it. Vriska clearly displays that this is a no-holds-barred kind of bullying, when she harasses Tavros for having a disability that she caused... and that makes cultural sense because Alternia has such a heavy focus on resilience, and physical strength. they're very survival oriented, so making fun of someone for a perceived physical flaw is very in character, no matter how horrible it is. but nobody makes fun of anyone over, say, sexuality. because it is literally unremarkable, and it would not get under anyone's skin to mention it. it's not even out of benevolence that nobody touches that topic... it's literally not on anyone's radar, because it doesn't matter. and I think gender identity is the same way. the only mention of gender I even remember from the trolls in homestuck, was Karkat telling Tavros that he should stop playing games that are for girls... but what Karkat meant was "stop playing games where you're likely to get murdered" because the girls he was talking about were TEREZI AND VRISKA. the game is called FATAL live action role playing, and Vriska explicitly uses the game to KILL PEOPLE. and that's literally the only thing I can remember about the trolls mentioning gender amongst each other. outside of that, it seemed similarly off of their radar, and a lot of the troll girls are so excellent as characters because they aren't subject to the narrative making them adhere to human "girl expectations".

and all of this makes it a lot more transparent that what the writing in Eridan's pesterquest route was really trying to do, was retcon the whole "March Eridan" meme of old, into something more progressive than it actually was. originally, the joke was just "boy in awkward looking drag = funny joke" and/or people finding it hot, which is like... standard fare for that era of fandom, but your mileage may vary on how irritating you find it. they could've just left that whole thing in the past, or just mentioned that he had the outfit in his wardrobe as a cheeky little wink/nudge to people who know what it's getting at... but no. they had to have him go on some lengthy monologue about gender identity, which Eridan in actual homestuck probably wouldn't have thought about for 2 seconds... and then they follow it up with the whole Sollux conflict?!??!!!

I'm sorry, Eridan barely knew Sollux existed and probably would never have given him the time of day before he got involved with Feferi. and Sollux and Feferi similarly had absolutely nothing to do with each other until he saved her as they were entering the medium. he literally died for her, but prior to that, I'm pretty sure they didn't know each other at all. and, and, AND. Sollux mainly needed Feferi as a rebound to help him fill the void left behind when he lost Aradia! Aradia has not died in pesterquest! Sollux has a bit of a thing for girls with chipper demeanors who act as a counterbalance to his negative outlook. but tbh, Aradia is a better fit for him because she acknowledges macabre and depressing things, but doesn't let it get her down. Sollux's troubles are acknowledged with a genuinely warm response, rather than glossed over with a coat of sunny optimism. Feferi tries to help Sollux, but it isn't perfect... and then Eridan crashes into the middle of it all expecting even more wild shit from Feferi, who honestly just can't catch a break.

so basically, if Aradia hasn't died, then Sollux has no reason to be interested in Feferi. and if Sollux isn't interested in Feferi, then Eridan has no reason to give a shit about Sollux. and when you add that to the gender thing... Eridan's whole route totally unravels. I'm not saying I don't support the idea of Eridan being GNC or trans in some way... I'm saying he probably doesn't have an oppression narrative because of it on Alternia. the whole point of the difference between Alternia and Earth standards, is to lampoon the importance of both of their issues, by showing a contrasting society that just doesn't have the hangups that the other side considers to be SO fundamental and SO important. it's like whoever wrote that route didn't understand this at all.

OOOO THIS WAS A VERY INTERESTING READ

#eridan's pq having him be oppressed for being gnc was indeed very weird

[leandra-winchester]

Hi. I’m the anon from the other day who sent you multiple very long asks explaining Shannon’s ableism. I am not the same anon as from earlier today. I wanna say that I’m anonymous because my anxiety skyrockets at the idea of exposing who I am and potentially getting verbally attacked. I’m not saying you or anyone who sees your posts would do that, I’m just saying my anxiety is telling me that anon is safer. So with that in mind, I’m hoping you could be a little more open minded to what I have to say, and not just write me off as a cowardly troll or whatever.

Whether a person is ableist or not is not really an opinion. Of course, every disabled person views different things as ableist and not ableist, but when the majority of us agree, it should be accepted by the greater abled community as relatively true. A white person shouldn’t tell a person of color that they’re wrong in saying something is racist. It’s the same thing with this.

Shannon is ableist. I have described how and why before, but to sum it up once more: she left her child because dealing with his disability was “too much,” and she believed that Christopher must “hate her” for afflicting him with cp. I have explained in the past what the implications of those statements are. (Cerebral palsy is “bad,” and the only logical answer is that it’s hated.)

Ana is also ableist. I have not gone into details on that personally with you before, but I’m sure you’ve been told time and time again how she’s ableist. A short version for you: immediately labeling something as “impossible” for Chris to do instead of looking for any potential adaptations first, especially while working in an inclusive school, is a harmful choice in Ana’s part. Additionally, she recently mocked Eddie’s panic attacks. She was of course right to be upset, but mocking someone for their mental health is not okay.

Based on your past response, I’m sure right now you’re prepping to write something about different interpretations, and to that I say no. Different interpretations are not okay in this instance, because your interpretation is dismissing disabled people and disregarding them when they are calling out ableism they are seeing and have experienced in their real lives.

For the love of fuck, could you please drop it?

I do accept your explanation about remaining anon. And you are being polite about this, but you will not get me to agree with you.

And there's still a big fucking, fundamental misunderstanding here. Have I explained this so poorly or have you just skim-read what I said before, so many times?

Interpretation of fictional texts can (and even must) differ.

Interpretation means: translation of the words spoken/written into meaning/intention.

If I write "Haha" and you interpret me as being amused while someone else interprets me as being sarcastic, both interpretations could be correct. You can then ask me how I meant it, and if I reply honestly you will know which one it was. You cannot do that with fictional characters (and rarely with authors); therefore: DIFFERING INTERPRETATIONS REMAIN VALID.

Unless they're not founded in the text. Which is the next thing you do. You look for evidence in the text. Not in your personal lives, in what your gut feeling tells you, in the text.

I never said, nor would I ever, that a mother leaving her child because it has CP wouldn't be ableist.

But that is not the point here. The point is that I do not interpret this to be the reason Shannon left, or even one of many reasons. I have pointed out evidence in the text on why I think a ton of other reasons were the factors that drove her away, first and foremost her sick/dying mother, secondly her feeling of Eddie not having her back in the relationship at all. She wanted to go with both of them, Eddie wanted to stay (understandably, because he'd just come back from war and a traumatic event, but he was the one choosing that in the first place... and now she leaves him alone with the kid, which is something he did all those years, and, frankly, it's a misogynist concept that it's always up to the mothers to take care of their children when the fathers can just fuck off and do what they choose without any consequences. Yes, they should have communicated on this a whole lot better. She could have talked to him and said "I'm going to be there for my mom while she's dying, you can take care of Christopher by yourself for a while, maybe visit me and then we'll decide where we go together, or separately" but apparently she couldn't do that, and the reasons for why that is are highly speculative at this point.)

As for the other thing, I still disagree. What mothers feel (irrationally) and express to someone in confidence doesn't make them anything -ist. Mothers are guilty and worried about even the smallest things. And no mother wants or should want her child to be negatively affected by anything. Nobody goes "yay, my kid has a disability/medical condition. Awesome".

Every caring parent would think "oh dear, how is this going to affect my child negatively, make things harder for them, make them go through physical pain, maybe even limit their life expectancy and affect their overall happiness in life?" Someone who is dominated by rational thoughts would then, after learning most of the answers to this, look onward and focus on making their child happy and raising them to be confident, positive, and empowered.

But... WHEN WE LOOK AT THE TEXT, Christopher is exactly that, is he not? So whatever Shannon thought/felt, irrationally, to herself, she kept from him. She made damn sure to raise him, while Eddie was away, to a person who "never feels sorry for himself", who is happy and open and trusting to new people, who doesn't believe he is any less or broken or any of the things a bad parent could make a child with any medical condition/disability feel. SHE was there in his formative years, and while Eddie did an amazing job to continue there, it was Shannon who did the groundwork. Even despite the patronising grandparents who fuss over every little detail (such as giving him a beverage wrong).

So boo-hoo if she feels something irrationally that is based on the general ableism and lack of education on various disabilities in our society, and that is also based on the general pressure on mothers, because they're always the ones being made responsible for things from the outside - not the fathers, usually. Who knows what else Eddie's parents told her or blamed her for? Who knows where her psyche was at, exactly? You don't. I don't. I interpret/speculate things as do you.

And now please just DROP it. Because you will not change my opinion.

I am not disagreeing on what real-life actions are ableist if disabled people speak about those experiences affecting them negatively. I am simply disagreeing with the INTERPRETATION of fictional words into a meaning/intention that you see, which differs from a meaning/intention I see. Haha (amused) vs. Haha (sarcastic). Stalemate. Shroedinger's intention.

End of story.

Also, I will from now on not respond to any more asks trying to sway my position on this. I have said everything I wanted to say or could say on the matter and how my interpretation is formed. I have nothing to add. So please just leave me be. This continuous pressuring is rude (even if that wasn't your intention, but I perceive it as such)

#shannon diaz #christopher diaz #911 #ableism #interpretation of fiction

[scripttorture]

What exactly is the line between what is and is not torture like? It seems to me that for instance, something that might be torture if continued for a long time might not be if it only lasted a few minutes, or something that wouldn't be torture to a mentally healthy person could easily become torture to a mentally ill person. I guess I just don't know at what point something stops being "just" violence/assault/neglect and becomes torture. Does it have to do with the intention behind it?

Good question. Legally speaking it’s pretty simple: the line comes downto who is doing it.

 Because the law is changing my page on the legal definition isn’t up todate yet and I’m still trying to read up on the changes.

 But the gist of it is this:

It causes severe pain or suffering, mental or physical

It was done intentionally

It was done by a member of     an organised group that controls territory. Such as a government body, a guerrilla     force occupying an area or (in some countries) particular types of     organised crime

It is done for a purpose     such as punishment, intimidation, forcing a confession or attempting to     obtain information

 The definition very purposefully doesn’ttouch on particular acts. Because it would be very easy to get around a lawthat just listed acts which were banned.

 A police officer getting into a brawl in a pub after work is guilty of assault.The same officer doing more or less the same thing on duty is a torturer.

 I cover a lot more than just the strict legal definition of torture.That’s a conscious choice because I want the blog to be useful to as manypeople as possible. And I also want to change the way we talk about abuse andtorture in fiction; sticking to a narrow definition doesn’t help that.

 I don’t think the definition is a bad one in and of itself. But poorwording in several pieces of international law has enabled quite a fewcountries to claim their painfulpractices aren’t ‘really’ torture. And the layers of things that need to beproved to make a torture case (not just that the attack happened, but intentbehind it and usually that it was part of a larger pattern with multiplevictims) means a lot of torturers are never prosecuted for torture, if they’reprosecuted at all.

 In general, I’d strongly advise not to try judging the degree of pain aparticular practice causes.

 That’s partly because an awful lot of apologist arguments/discussions oftorture focus on…downplaying how painful some of these practices are.

 But it’s also because of how we experience pain.

 We don’t seem to feel pain as one sensation but as several distinctones. And that means that rather than one big pain threshold we each have lotsof thresholds for different forms of pain. Knowing someone likes spicy fooddoesn’t tell you how well they deal with a head ache.

 That means that the same technique applied to different people will feeldifferent degrees of pain, even controlling for factors like age, health, sexand so forth.

There’s so much individual variance that it’s impossible to predict howpainful one particular person will find something.

 Because of the way torture apologists focus on these discussions of howpainful an act is, I also feel like a lot of attempts to grade how painfulsomething is do survivors a disservice. Even when conducted with goodintentions they seem to end up cutting out some survivors, treating their painas inherently lesser.

 In terms of what ‘counts’ the act being painful is enough. And yes thereis some leeway there: things that would severely impact a disabled person mayhave little effect on an able bodied person.

 To meet the definition it also has to be proven beyond reasonable doubtthat the torturer knew they’d becausing pain. So your example of a person with a mental illness, that may notalways ‘count’ as torture. If the abuser didn’t know the victim was mentallyill or didn’t know their actions would cause the victim pain then they wouldn’tbe legally classed as a torturer.

 And I think I’m going to need to stop there because honestlyinternational law is one of my weaker areas.

 I hope that helps. :)

Disclaimer

#tw torture #defining torture #torture and the law #international law #human rights #pain #pain thresholds #stuckuptumblercunt