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actual-fucking-clown · 3 years

Text

Take your time then.

Aizawa x gender neutral reader

Story under the cut :)

Unedited but like edited but still not properly edited :)

Hope you enjoy!!!

a/n: it’s been a hot min since I’ve written a fic. I think the last time i was 14 and it was shit and on wattpad. Ha. I hate myself. N e way, I was recently writing some shit for an au me and my friend thought up and in the back of my mind I was like, “you should start writing fics again bc this is kinda fun”, soo lo and behold I made a post asking if anyone would be interested, shared a little too much personal shit in it but whatever, and have now decided to write this mother fucker. (3/25/21)

a/n: not sure if anyone will care about this series of a/n’s but I’m just chronicling thoughts ig. rewriting rn bc my first draft was short and ass. Also I’m thinking about opening requests after this is posted, will go into detail in a diff post maybe. (3/28/21)

a/n: deleted everything, rewriting. I just want to make something that might be decent and if I can give that feeling, y’know those chills you get when you read something utterly gorgeous, but I’m bad at writing. sadge (3/28/21, like several hours later)

a/n: ugh (4/1/21)

a/n: ugh pt 2 electric boogaloo. I can’t seem to move forward with the writing. I realized something like this might happen bc to solve a problem feelings need to be discussed and I fucking hate doing that so you can see where I’m fucking up lmaooooo (4/2/21)

a/n: I read angst to fuel my writing brain. So, read some angst, finally writing agian. This first section is probs as long as the story itself LMFAO(4/5/21)

Started: (3/25/21) Finished: (4/5/21)

Warnings: uh angst, curse words, like a lot, (i saw someone else put this as a warning, do I actually need it?), avoiding problems instead of actually facing them, mentions of shit so-so parenting, mentions of not being able to live up to high expectations, y’know, the works

Synopsis: Aizawa takes in Eri without running it by you first and expects you to be okay with it. That’s funny. He was wrong.

Can I preface this with a thought? I’m going to anyway,

all the fics I read paint him as the sweetest partner and I’m sure he is but I think they miss out on how blunt he is and his whole “Mr. Rationality” thing. So as much as I adore him I think there are situations that he’d be a bit more colder towards, a bit more straightforward about. Maybe even like a bit insensitive about but maybe bc he doesn’t have the full picture or something. so I guess this is another warning but aizawa is a little insensitive in the beginning (but like not really but kinda. it’s complicated)

Rain pattered softly against the window. The smell of some old random Bath and Bodyworks candle you’d dug out from a box you’d never bothered to unpack smothered the room. Some Netflix show idly played on a low volume on your computer, you’d lost interest in watching tv awhile ago. You needed a break. After the eventful month you’d been having you really needed this.

Now of course your whole year so far had been eventful. What with all the villain attacks on you and Shouta’s class and the kidnapping of one of your students, to just dealing with the more mundane problems with your students. No. You had no problem with that. The villains, although not easy, were something you were trained to handle. The smaller problems with your students weren’t arduous either, after all you weren’t too much older than them.

When reflecting on your situation, from and outside perspective it could be seen as the straw the broke the camels back, which sure, makes sense. After all, you’re bound to be stressed out by everything else, so why would this seemingly insignificant thing weigh heavier than a villain attack? Well if that is the situation why does this single straw feel like it weighs a ton? This is not that. This is not culmination of the events of this year draining the life from you. This is something entirely different. A panic inducing life change that completely took you by surprise mixed with your inability to actually face your problems.

You don’t blame them. You can’t. They’ve done nothing wrong. A child. A small, probably mentally scarred child is your problem. Well not her personally but the fear taking care of her instills in you. Despite working in the field that you do, you cannot for the life of you handle actual children. Sure you’re a little awkward with your class but at least they’re young adults and (vaguely) mature and independent to a certain extent. The fact that your long term boyfriend just came back one day, small child in tow and said “Hey I’ve gotta look after this one now” not verbatim obviously, for a lack of better words, fucked you up. He basically solo adopted a kid and, let’s be honest, he probably expected you to help out. But how could you? How could this man look at you and think “I want this person to help me raise an already fucked up child?” Ok sure, he doesn’t at first give off the “I’m totally father figure material” vibe but in the end he is extremely competent. You on the other hand, not so much.

You’d never been good with children. Tried your best to steer clear of them. Didn’t matter the place, didn’t matter who’s kid, you couldn’t handle them. You would just stand there, awkwardly, not entirely sure of what to do and petrified that there was the possibility of making some mistake which would upset the child and then oh wow look, your head got chopped right of your shoulders. That’s hyperbole of course but it does sum up the insurmountable fear that overcomes you whenever you have to deal with a child. So considering the fact that your long term boyfriend had suddenly decided to adopt and not at least warn you, didn’t sit right with you.

So, the best and most obvious choice, was to avoid your problem. Avoid Shouta, avoid Eri. Avoid the mention of them and you, avoid it all. And honestly you’d done pretty well so far. You were able to have as little contact with them as possible considering the close proximity of your living quarters in the teacher’s dorms. After all they were legally supposed to give you two separate rooms but you never actually used yours, well until now. You were living it up honestly. Did you feel awful? Of course. He is your boyfriend after all and you were sure Eri doesn’t deserve your cold shoulder but this is probably for the best. What could you offer her? You weren’t sure that you were a good role model for her or anyone for that matter. What did you know about raising kids? it’s not like you had parents to set a proper example for you. Of course they might have shown you what not to do but where do you go from there? Is shit like that really avoidable? You don’t want to be like them. You strive to be better but what if you can’t be. There’s also the added bonus of the fact that raising a kid seems taxing on a relationship. Now matter how strong you were sure that the stress of a kid could break a relationship down that then festers into something toxic and unrecognizable. You didn’t want that. God you couldn’t let that happen. No. This was definitely for the better.

Of course Aizawa didn’t feel the same. He was confused on why his partner had been so blatantly avoiding him. Did he do something wrong? He doesn’t remember doing anything that might’ve upset you. So why now? Why pull away now? He had to get down to the bottom of this but catching you was the hard part. You had been taking on more work, offering more assistance to the other teachers, picking up extra patrols, doing everything and anything to stay away from Shouta. It took him a month but he finally caught up to you. You were tired, worn out he knew that. Instead of loading yourself with work you’d decided to hole yourself up in your room. It was now or never.

You were pulled out of your peace at the sound of a few gentle knocks to your door. You really didn’t want to get it. You honestly couldn’t be bothered.

“(N/n)? Are you in there?” He hadn’t gotten it wrong right? He hadn’t been too distracted earlier and missed you leaving right?

“What’s up?” You hummed from your place by the window, not bothering to actually open the door.

“Can I come in?” Shouta asked, voice soft. You could barely hear him above the patter of the rain and the low humming of your laptop.

“Uh, no, kinda busy. Got loads of work to do. Need to focus, sorry. Maybe later?” You hesitantly spoke. Not sure if you were convincing enough.

Apparently you weren’t.

He sighed. “It’s been “later” for an entire month. Please (Y/n) just let me in. Whatever this is we can talk it out.” You had predicted that eventually Shouta would start to try to crack down on whatever the issue was but you didn’t expect it so soon.

“Uh...no?” You tried, hoping that maybe he’d just give up but that wasn’t Shouta.

“No, you don’t get that option, now please, open the door.” Although it was still soft his voice had taken a more stern tone.

“Oh no I’m dead. I guess I can’t open the door. What a shame. I guess the only way to talk with me now is in the pits of hell.” You quipped, trying to lessen the tension that already ran thick.

“(Y/n).” Aizawa sighed.

“Jeez fine. Talk about pushy.” You quipped once more to no avail.

Opening the door you were met with, well exactly what you expected. He stood there, arms crossed, a stern yet gentle look in his eyes, his lips pulled into a slight frown.

“Come in.” You mumbled as you stepped further into your room.

“So tell me. What’s wrong?” The sentence stirred so much. Of course you wanted to tell him. You wanted to spill your guts to the man you loved in hopes of comfort but you just can’t. You know you’ll just scare him off. You know you’ll make things worse.

So you stay silent.

He says nothing as he grabs your hands gently and leads you over to your bed. He sits the two of you down on the edge, muting the movie on the laptop sitting behind him.

“You know you can tell me if something’s bothering you right?” Shouta sent you a warm smile.

You weren’t very comfortable with discussing your feelings sometimes, it mostly stemmed from the fact that you never really could discuss them with anyone growing up which made it harder to confide in anyone now, as at this point bottling things up was a habit. But this was also just something that you were sure that you couldn’t talk about.

Silence answered him once again.

Now he took sometime to think about his approach, think about what could’ve happened that made you pull away. What did he do that was different from his norm? He was genuinely stumped and the fact that you weren’t helping him confused him even more.

You decided to take this time to lament the situation too. What was he going to do? Should you actually tell him or play it off? If you play it off will he still insist that something is wrong? If you tell him will he leave you? If you don’t tell him will he leave you? You risked a glance at him, he was still deep in thought.

Why did you have to adopt this fucking kid without at least warning me?

“What?” Your head shot up at the sound of his shocked voice.

“What?” You asked, genuinely confused.

“Eri’s the problem...?” He spoke slowly, not entirely sure if he’d heard you right.

“Did I say that out loud?” You squeaked.

“I’m pretty sure you mumbled something along the lines of “why’d you have to adopt that fucking kid”.” Shouta said, unsure if he’d heard wrong. Wanting to have heard wrong.

“No no no no no no! It’s not like that! I mean it is like that but not like that!” You frantically waved your hands in hopes of defusing the situation.

The way he looked at you made you want to cry. You felt horrible. You felt like the biggest asshole in the world and, at this point you probably were. He looked at you with such a look of heartbreak and disappointment and confusion it made you sick to your stomach. You felt light-headed and started shaking. You were right. You were right. You were always right. God why did you have to be right! Why did you have to be like this? Scared of raising a fucking child! It was asinine and irrational and you could probably move past it but thanks to your stupid fucking brain you just sealed your fate.

You scooted away from him still waving your hands frantically as no’s tumbled endlessly from your lips. You tried sputtering an apology, anything so that he wouldn’t look at you like that but nothing stuck. Nothing was comprehensible. Nothing worked. Nothing would work. Nothing will work. You were hopeless. It was hopeless.

“If it isn’t like how it seems then tell it to me straight.” Shouta finally spoke up.

You took a second to come down from your panic. You steeled your nerves as much as possible before you spoke.

“Um well, I have nothing against her it’s just that a little heads up would’ve been nice? I’m not all that great with kids so this is just kind of weird is all.” You were purposefully being vague in hopes that he’d understand what you meant and also maybe drop it.

“Not great with kids? You’re literally a teacher.” He pointed out.

“Yeah you know but she’s like a kid kid and let’s be honest I’m not too great with the students either.” You awkward laughed. So he wasn’t getting it.

“Wha-you’re fine with the students and I’m sure you’ll be fine with Eri, there was no reason to avoid me over this.” Shouta sighed. As good as he was with dealing with people, he was equally as shit. Or maybe it was just the fact that you gave him very little to work with. It was probably a bit of both. Still his dismissiveness was not helping you right now.

“No, no, no, no. I think I’ll stay here. Uh, good luck with your parenthood escapades and sorry to leave you high and dry like this but that’s going to have to be a no from me.” You rambled. He seemed to be getting a little tired of this.

“(Y/n) stop being irrational. She’s not even our kid I’m just looking after her for now. Why are you being difficult? I told you you were fine with the students and you’ll be fine with Eri, what else do you want to hear?” Shouta grumbled.

“Well uh I don’t know, uh...” You trailed off, this seemed to be going in a direction you really didn’t want it to go. A slight hostility settling in the air.

At your lack of a proper answer he clicked his tongue. He took a moment to reassess the situation. There had to be something he was missing. After all you were getting really worked up but if you weren’t going to talk to him there was nothing he could do. He shook his head before running a frustrated hand through his hair.

“(Y/n), please, please, just be honest with me. Whatever it is that’s bothering you, you can tell me. But I won’t be able to understand if you don’t.” Aizawa sighed, deciding that getting worked up about this was not the way to go, especially when you seemed to be especially distraught.

“Uh, god the thing is I don’t know entirely what to say to put the shitshow in my head into perspective.” You mumbled, trying desperately to figure out what to say that could clear the air but nothing seemed to be coherent enough.

“Take your time.” He decided that this was the best approach to things, making sure neither party got too worked up lest this turn into a fight.

The rain continued to patter softly against the window and your candle continued to burn an slightly off floral-ish scent. A deafening silence hung in the air because even though he was being as patient as possible some of his frustration leaked through, it was bound to though so you couldn’t exactly blame him. After all, you were probably equally as frustrated with yourself too.

“I’m just not good in a position like this. I’m not good with kids, especially someone like Eri who’s already so broken. You have that nurturing nature, it comes natural to you but I’m not on that level. I don’t know the first thing about caring for a child let alone one as already traumatized as her. I’d fuck it up and only make things worse. I don’t want you to reassure me that I’ll be okay with her, I want you to understand that I’m not comfortable with this and that it might take me awhile to come around. I’m sure I sound like the biggest asshole ever but please understand that this just isn’t something I’m ready for.” You had rambled a bit, you were aware of that, but it was the only way that you could properly express your feelings without making things too complicated.

Aizawa said nothing. Trying to figure out how to go about things.

Was he upset? Yeah, you two, even after several long years of being together, hadn’t discussed moving forward in your relationship in depth. And if he’d tried you seemed content with the point you two were at so he left it be, no reason to try and move forward when what you had was already fine the way it was. But recently he’d been craving more. Some mornings, when he’d be the first to wake, he’d study your features in the soft light of the sunrise and wonder what it’d be like to properly settle down with you. Get married, start a family, all that jazz. He’d taken in Eri only because it was the most rational decision. His quirk would be good for quelling hers had it ever gotten out of hand. But it also seemed to quell his musings of something more with you. He had imagined you being a good parental figure for the little girl and it made his heart flutter and his stomach explode with butterflies. But now seeing that that wasn’t what you wanted and how you weren’t ready for it, it stung. But in the end, he loved you. He’d easily give his life for you. So, if that meant waiting he’d wait. He’d wait a million years if he had to. He could do it.

Once again he spoke,

“Take your time then. I can wait.”

Tagslist?: @captainchrisstan (I think you said you wanted to be tagged but I’m also just small brained lol If u didn’t want to and I misinterpreted things just let me know :) )

#bnha x reader #mha xreader #aizawa x reader #shouta aizawa x reader #aizawa shouta #aizawa #my first fic #mha #bnha

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miohmy · 3 years

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general kuroo/tsukishima headcanons (sfw and nsfw)

I’ve had this rambling draft saved for over a year but for @alfonse I’ll make it public <3

general/sfw HCs for kuroo

His love languages are quality time and physical touch, obviously.

He’s a Scorpio sun, but I imagine his rising sign is Capricorn and moon sign is Gemini >:)

Needs at least 8 hours of sleep each night or he will be grumpy the next morning. He’s a deep sleeper and moves around a lot.

Kuroo may act thick-headed at times, but don’t be fooled, he’s smart, intuitive, and incredibly aware of his surroundings. Moreover, he has a strong memory and never forgets anything. This makes studying for him relatively easy. He tends to do well in school with little effort, especially in the subjects he cares most about (i.e. chemistry and physics). His grades in other classes like history and literature are more on the average side, however.

(this was before Kuroo was a confirmed capitalist) Kuroo would study something in line with these interests at university. I envision him becoming a chemical engineer and doing research in a lab setting (pls take this moment to imagine him in goggles, gloves, and a lab coat).

Kuroo sometimes falls back into his shy habits from time to time. Volleyball has gotten him out of his shell and he’s fine making friends at school, but if he’s in an uncomfortable situation, he tends to be on the quieter side.

Once he decides he likes someone, he really likes them. Kuroo isn’t the type of person to half-ass anything, especially relationships. He either loves you, hates you, or is indifferent.

Kuroo is a naturally good dancer and he knows it. He’s got surprising rhythm and has no shame showing off his skills.

He’s a total lightweight when it comes to drinking. He doesn’t drink often, so whenever he does, the alcohol hits him hard. Generally, he’s a happy, giggly drunk. He’ll start off the night loud and talkative, but eventually the sleepiness will set in and some unlucky soul (usually Kenma) will be tasked with taking him home.

general/sfw HCs for tsukishima

His love languages are quality time and acts of service. Tsukishima is bad when it comes to open communication. Rarely does he say “I love you” to his friends/family. He’d rather let his actions and service speak for themselves.

He’s a Libra sun, but I imagine both his rising sign is Aquarius and moon sign is Virgo.

A light sleeper. Tsukishima averages about 6-5 hours each night.

He is the worst dancer you’ve ever seen and you couldn’t pay him to make a fool of himself in front of other people.

Furious reader. Reads about 70-100 books each year. Prefers reading non-fiction, speculative science fiction, classics, and mysteries.

He’s definitely a night owl, as it’s when he gets his work done. In the mornings he has a hard time waking up and needs 1-2 hours of peace and quiet to prepare himself for the day.

In school, Tsukishima excels at most subjects (because he works hard), but he’s especially passionate about literature and English. I envision him working as a translator or an editor when he’s older (just something in the publishing industry).

The kind of music that Tsukishima listens to ranges. He mainly loves alternative, but he’s also into the weird, experimental stuff too.

He’s more of a casual drinker than Kuroo. He enjoys wine, sake, and certain IPAs. He also knows his limits well and will stop before getting too tipsy. Very rarely will he allow himself to get drunk.

general/sfw relationship HCs (living together edition)

Whenever Tsukishima sings in the shower, Kuroo will stop by the bathroom door to record videos. The first time he did, it was meant to be a joke, but eventually it became a habit. As it turns out, Tsukishima is a great singer.

Because of their differing sleep schedules, many nights encompass Kuroo bothering Tsukishima, not-so-subtly hinting for him to come to bed. Tsukishima will often resist and insist that he needs to finish work. Kuroo is stubborn, however. On more than one occasion he has put his foot down and manually shut Tsuki’s laptop so that he has to come cuddle.

Speaking of cuddling, you would think that Kuroo is the big spoon, but he actually likes to sleep on his stomach. That, combined with the fact that Kuroo moves around a lot, makes cuddling difficult. Sometimes Tsukishima will sleep on his back with Kuroo draped over him like a weighted blanket. Mostly, however, Kuroo will sleep on his stomach, head stuffed between the pillows, with Tsukishima folded beside him, holding on to his shirt.

Kuroo said ‘I love you’ first. Tsukishima then proceeded to freak him out by responding with ‘I’ll get back to you on that’. After two weeks of radio silence, he finally responded with an out-of-context ‘same’. Kuroo never forgave him for that.

On the rare occasions where Tsuki gets drunk, Kuroo takes full advantage of his vulnerability and coaxes embarrassing declarations of love from his inebriated boyfriend (filming them, of course). Lots of “tell me how much you love me” and “who’s the best boyfriend in the world?” The poor defenseless Tsukishima will gush unabashedly, only to wake up the next morning with a massive hangover, tormented by Kuroo as he plays the videos on repeat with full volume.

“Look at how cute you were, Tsuki!”

“Delete that right away or I’ll punch you.”

Kuroo doesn’t know that much about music (in comparison to Tsukishima) so he tends to stick with what’s popular/on the radio. The only time he branches out is when Tsukishima makes a curated playlist for him. Even if he doesn’t love all the songs, he’ll listen through the entire playlist on repeat, just happy to have a gift from his boyfriend.

Despite his confidence and posturing, Kuroo was honestly not that experienced when it came to relationships, dating, or sex before Tsuki. They were both each other’s first time, first love, and cannot imagine dating anyone else.

nfsw HCs

To no one’s surprise, Kuroo is the more kinky one of the pair. There’s a lot of stuff that Kuroo wants to do with Tsuki. Actually getting him to agree to the ideas, however, it another matter entirely.

The kinks that Tsukishima will indulge include: light bondage (blindfolds, hand cuffs), sex toys, mild dom/sub play, hair pulling, shower sex, spanking, and filming.

Kinks that Tsukishima has refused include: public sex, choking, ball gags, and more elaborate role play scenarios.

Tsukishima moans very softly during sex, if at all. Kuroo, on the other hand, can’t seem to shut up. He loves to narrate how Tsukishima looks, tease him, and ask pointed questions (”How does it feel?”, “What do you want me to do?”, etc;). At first, Tsukishima hated this part of him, but it’s gradually grown on him.

Tsukishima and Kuroo are equally clever, confident and domineering people. Therefore, their power dynamic in bed is rather fluid.

Generally, Kuroo likes to be in control and have Tsukishima at his mercy, especially when the latter is acting prideful and condescending. At the same time, Tsukishima is not the type to be submissive to anyone. Sometimes Tsuki will surprise Kuroo by suddenly giving orders, just to spice things up ;)

In terms of praise and degradation, Kuroo enjoys the latter. There’s a reason he fell for Tsukishima, after all. He low-key likes to be called names during sex. Nothing too harsh, of course. He just really enjoys indulging that bitchy, rude side of his boyfriend while simultaneously making a mess of him.

For Tsukishima, the opposite is true. Though he would never admit it to anyone, Tsuki loves to be worshipped by Kuroo. In fact, the quickest way to get him to melt is to be showered with sincere compliments and praise, especially when he’s getting close - nothing will push him over the edge more than being told he’s doing such a good job.

Put frankly, Tsukishima and Kuroo just have a lot of chemistry in bed. The sex is always good and even when their relationship inevitably mellows out from the honeymoon period, they are able to maintain that electric spark that first endeared them to each other.

#otp: moon and cat #my writing #kurootsuki #kurootsukki #kuroo tetsurou #tsukishima kei #kuroo x tsukishima #kuroo x tsukki #hq #haikyuu #haikyuu!!#hq headcanons

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iamnightduchess · 3 years

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There were originally two Asks for this but the draft got deleted by accident. To the two anons, I am so sorry 🙈 I also spent quite some time on it, so I had to rewrite everything all over again. But the Asks wanted to know what happens after their confession & their lives together afterwards in Hizuru, their courting process, marriage, kids & what Reiner does for a living when Mikasa ascends the imperial throne as the new Empress.

Reiner x Mikasa (ReiKasa) Canonverse AU (18+) Post-Rumbling Headcanon #18 (Pt.2) a.k.a a ficlet

A continuation to this post. Show me some ❤!

‼️Contains: mentions of PTSD‼️

Aftermath of Confession

Jean, who was also there with Annie & Armin, was very happy to see that two of his loved ones are finally embracing each other's feelings. He asks the new couple, "So, what's next?

Reiner looks into Mikasa's eyes and says, "For now, I just want to make out with the new most important woman in my life."

Annie sneakily jabs, "Get a room."

Reiner snarkily replies, "Good idea," causing Mikasa and Kiyomi both to panic before Reiner adds, "It was a joke, ladies."

"Jerk." Annie grins, as she holds her paramour's hand tight in hers. One could also see the look of pride and happiness on Armin's face, upon realizing that his sworn sister is genuinely loved by a good-hearted man, who would be her true anchor & life companion after the horrors she was forced to go through.

Reiner immediately approaches the Azumabito family matriarch and asks for her blessing and advice with the intention to officially court her kin. Kiyomi states that once Mikasa ascends the throne, the rules of Hizuru forbids the empress to marry a commoner but the spouse of a married ruler who ascends the throne will be recognized as the empress or prince consort. Thus, Kiyomi advises for their courting to proceed after the marriage, which will be held in a week.

Reiner and Mikasa, together, also talk to Jean and Armin in making it a triple wedding instead.

As soon as they return to the settlement, Reiner wastes not a second as he also looks for Levi, to get the older man's blessing as his soon-to-be wife's last living kin on her father's side.

Levi shakes his hand, albeit sternly, to which even Jean and Armin would cower in reflex, yet no one can miss the tender look in their former captain's eyes; one of a proud father when he said, "Be true. Be loyal."

Karina, Gabi and the rest of the Braun family are over the moon over the news of their immediate engagement & the family spearheads the wedding preparation together. The men go out to hunt and the women help with the simple but homely decoration as well as cooking preparations. Connie prefers to help the women and part of the reason is he's really interested in getting to know one of them; a single lady who had adopted 4 children whose parents were killed in the Rumbling.

The evening after Reiner had received Levi's blessings, Mikasa asks him out for a stroll around the settlement. Reiner also wants to spend more alone time with her. Teary-eyed, Mikasa confides in Reiner on everything that happened during the moment when she decapitated Eren's head, a truth that she has never told anyone. Not even to Armin. She told him that she placed her lips on Eren's cold dead ones to say her last farewell and that she is haunted by what she has done ever since. She is scared & terrified of what she has done and she feels she is being unfair to Reiner because of how 'broken' she is from within. Mikasa also says that she understands if Reiner wants to call off their wedding because he deserves to be happy with someone who doesn't have immense emotional baggage like she does.

Reiner, wordlessly, only holds her close in return. Mikasa almost flinches but she gradually allows the shackles inside her head go. However, she isn't able to return Reiner's physical affections as yet because of the unbearable guilt she still holds, thinking she is unworthy of Reiner's genuine love.

Reiner also confides that he has his emotional baggages himself; namely the day he tried to shoot himself in the head right before the assault in Liberio. Reiner also shares the reason why he has stopped thinking of dying, in particularly, the moment he realizes he did not want to give up on life so easily was the second he saw Mikasa's helpless face when the alliance decided to kill Eren. He accepts if Mikasa refuses to proceed with their wedding, but he would still follow her to Hizuru and be by her side - even as a friend.

At that moment, they both realize one fundamental truth: all these horrors they had to go through especially together only made them even more compatible with each other. No other man could ever understand and love Mikasa the way she is. No other woman could truly understand and love Reiner the way he is. They were both broken, emotionally weighed down but the strength they each needed was in the other all along.

Reiner and Mikasa are indeed two odd-shaped puzzle pieces who turn out to be a perfect fit after all.

That night, Reiner makes the first pledge to Mikasa way before his wedding vows: He will love her and make her happy for the rest of his life. He will never give up on her. Not even after death.

Wedding

The wedding had been a simple but a merry affair. Falco had been the ring-bearer & Gabi the flower girl.

Kiyomi had a craftsmaker from Hizuru and a blacksmith from Marley to make wedding bands from melted 3DMG blades and titan crystals for the three couples.

Kiyomi had found beautiful western-style white silk dresses in the Azumabito family's garments chest on the main ship. The brides, along with the help from Gabi, Karina and her sister, personalize the dresses according to their preferences.

Mikasa wears an ankle-length princess cut dress with tight long sleeves. She embroidered the hem with forest green trimmings (her new favorite color) and sewn gold laces and ribbons on the wrists and neck to match the color of Reiner's eyes. So as the gold teardrop stone on her silver headpiece. Reiner wore a matching white dress shirt and dark pants with a long beige overcoat, with a silver garnet tie to match the colors of his bride's beautiful eyes.

Annie wore a shin-length bell-shaped dress, with a sky blue drape silk wrap across her shoulders and sky blue hair ribbon to match the color of Armin's eyes. Armin wore a crisp beige coat with a light blue dress shirt and a matching dark blue bow tie.

Pieck, who's already 7 weeks pregnant at that time, wore a long halter bare-back dress, with a flowy dark purple ombre gradient skirt and a violet satin waistband, which matched Jean's bowtie and suit vest. He paired it with a crisp dark brown full suit.

Annie & Pieck were walked down the aisle by their respective fathers. Levi was the one who accompanied Mikasa down the wedding lane to Reiner.

Reiner was just captivated - he had tears in his eyes the moment he saw Mikasa in her wedding dress. He immediately kisses her hand when Levi gave her away.

Reiner & Mikasa's vows brought the guests to tears. Reiner vowed that he will always place Mikasa's life & needs before his and will always be with her through every second of their lives together - side-by-side, not behind her or in front of her. Mikasa vowed that Reiner will always have not only her heart but her whole life, in which their souls are bound for all eternity.

When they shared their first kiss as husband & wife, Mikasa truthfully savored & surrendered her heart to her first true love's kiss with Reiner.

Since Captain Levi was injured, it was Armin who sweetly offered his hand for Mikasa's father-daughter dance, as her sworn brother.

At the reception, Connie, being the best man to all the grooms jokingly said to the three of them, "You boys might have been married first, but I already beat you guys in being a dad," proudly proclaiming while cradling his adopted 3-month old baby girl in his arms.

Wedding Night & Courting

That eve of the wedding, Reiner had been a perfect gentleman and he wants Mikasa to know that they will always be each other's equal. He only asks her to take the lead when it comes to the physical intimacy in their shared life & they will only consummate their wedding when she is ready.

Reiner & Mikasa spent their wedding night just talking & reminiscing about their time as 104th cadets and positive memories of everyone they know until they fell asleep in each other's arms. Reiner wanted Mikasa to remember only the good memories with Eren and that night, Mikasa had a minor night terror but Reiner's embrace helped calm her down as he helped her back to sleep.

The next morning, Reiner & Mikasa spent their time helping the resident cooks in the main kitchen with breakfast. Reiner likes to sneak in quick kisses on Mikasa's forehead in between the kitchen chores & despite not being able to fully initiate physical affections towards Reiner, Mikasa have become more comfortable in accepting Reiner's physical affections without being subconsciously defensive.

They spent the next several days together by doing domestic chores around the settlement in particularly, they discovered that they both share the same enjoyment towards harvesting in the fields. Reiner loves seeing the peaceful expression on Mikasa's face underneath the sun when she's working hard at plotting soil for the vegetable roots. He never stops seeing her as the strongest, most beautiful woman in his life.

They both went on evening walks with Falco & Gabi and stargazing at night. Sometimes they would talk, sometimes they would just sit in silence while holding each other's hands. They also discussed on their near future plans in settling down in Hizuru, bringing Karina with them so they can still take care of her together.

Reiner carries her from the main walkway to their shared unit every single night, much to Armin & Annie's amusement and Mikasa's horror. But by the third night, Mikasa had become more relaxed and she leant on Reiner's sturdy shoulders, accepting his comfort naturally.

Reiner also loves giving Mikasa surprises - whether it's a wild flower, a ripe edible harvest or any interesting things that he found while he was out helping at the fields.

Reiner's honesty, diligence and romantic wooing won Mikasa's heart and the last evening before they left for Hizuru, they finally consummate their marriage. That night, he carried her all the way to bed and they never left until they woke up in the morning. Reiner spent the whole night just worshipping every inch of his wife's body and never took his eyes off hers when they made love for the first time.

Life in Hizuru

As soon as they docked in Hizuru, Reiner & Mikasa, respectively, went into an immediate intensive training to prepare them for the duties & expectations of the imperial throne. Mikasa, to prepare her as an Empress and Reiner, to prepare him as her prince consort, especially him being the first non-Hizurian blood to sit on the imperial throne.

Reiner also voluntarily enlisted with the Hizurian naval forces to learn the new ropes of being a sea military member, as oppossed to land. It wasn't long when the higher-ups took notice of his exceptional skills, natural leadership & battle experience, that he was made an Admiral in training within three months of his enlistment.

Reiner & Mikasa had to spend the first few months apart and that made the newlyweds miss each other even more.

During this temporary separation, Reiner and Mikasa had been writing love letters to each other, everyday without fail. Karina made sure that her daughter-in-law would never feel alone & she always helped Kiyomi in supporting the empress-to-be so it would not be a lonely, isolated period for Mikasa while she's being separated from Reiner.

Reiner & Mikasa were only reunited a week before their enthronement, which was held six months after they arrived in Hizuru. Everyone of their loved ones in Fort Salta's residence had been invited as the royal guests. Despite having challenging pregnancies as former female shifters, Annie and Pieck wouldn't miss the opportunity to support Mikasa & Reiner's historical day as they officially become the new age imperial monarch of the East Sea country. Pieck went into an early labor during the visit. Jean & Pieck's eldest son was born in Hizuru.

Enthronement & the royal Azumabito (Ackerman-Braun) family legacy

Mikasa's royal title is Her Imperial Highness Empress Mikasa of Azumabito.

Reiner's royal title is His Imperial Highness Reiner Braun Consort to Empress Mikasa.

The first night after Mikasa & Reiner's enthronement, they conceived the firstborn heir to the throne - His Imperial Highness Prince Ryuujin Marcel Ackerman-Braun of Azumabito. In the following years, they were also succeeded by twin princesses, Her Imperial Highness Princess Reina Mathilde Ackerman-Braun of Azumabito & Her Imperial Highness Princess Ryoko Minerva Ackerman-Braun of Azumabito and the second crown prince, His Imperial Highness Prince Ren Mathias Ackerman-Braun of Azumabito.

Mikasa will then make history as the first royal empress who had built the greatest legacy & the strongest, peaceful empire in the world. She is the global icon of world peace & female empowerment, with her husband's neverending love & support.

Reiner is known in history as not only as one of the World's heroes & Eldian consort to the Hizurian empress, but he is the first non-Hizurian naval leader who unites three major nations in the world - through his battlefield intelligence & military prowess.

Under Levi Ackerman's watchful tutelage, Reiner & Mikasa's four children (consecutively their descendants that followed after) have become existential symbol of humanity's unity through the four major bloodlines running through their veins : Hizurian, Ackerman, Marleyan & Eldian from their parents. Each child becoming successful scholars who would continue to fight for humanity in their respective chosen fields; Prince Ryuujin in military & global peace efforts, Princess Reina in women's studies, Princess Ryoko in medicine & Prince Ren in industrialism - all fortifying the legacies their parents have inspired them with growing up.

------------------

I truly had fun in working on this. Just imagining such potential future for my two beloved characters never fails to leave an everlasting warmth in my heart. Even if 139 may not promise a future for Reiner & Mikasa, I'd hope this vision would offer a much-needed comfort for my fellow RK shippers ❤🫂 xoxo

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emgkheadcannons · 4 years

Text

So accidentally read this ask wrong from @positivecorrelation, and thought it was about them ending their beef, went with that, and wrote everything below this. I just rechecked the ask and realised what you were asking for. I will make it work.

I don’t have a set headcanon on how they make up, but one of my favorite ideas is that Cassie, and Hailie team up to end the feud. So I started writing an entire fic, but I really wanted to post this so here is the headcanon and most of the fic.

Cassie convinces MGK to apologise to Hailie, not her dad, since he wronged her first. She does it with perfect little kid logic, and Kelly wants to not only be a good dad but also a good example for his daughter, so he apologises to Hailie.

Hailie would be really happy she received an apology, and would decide that if a 9 year old can convince her dad to apologise, maybe together, and with a little outside help, they can get this feud to end.

This takes place sometime late February 2019.

Cassie hated that her dad was in a feud with Eminem. A lot of people are being mean, harassing him when he goes out, and booing him when he does ‘Rap Devil’. She has noticed that her dad isn’t as happy, and is acting different. He is sleeping more and more.

Cassie had an idea to help him though. If her dad apologises to Eminem’s daughter then that should make things better, not perfect, but it was a starting point. First she needs to find her dad, so she can convince him that he needs to apologise to hailie. She finds him easily enough in the living room, working on a song.

She starts by asking about the beef, and why they are fighting. Then she asked if he apologized, which she knows he did, but to the wrong person.

“But dad, but your tweet was about his daughter, not him. Shouldn’t you have apologized to Hailie instead?” Cassie asks.

Kelly freezes, thinking about what his daughter said. His tweet was about Hailie. She was the one he insulted, but he tried to apologize to Eminem. He never thought about how his comment affected her. If some kid had said something rude to his daughter, he would expect them to apologize to her.

“You’re right Cassie. I should have apologized to Hailie.”

“Then why don’t you? I bet she would appreciate it.”

“It’s a little too late for that now, pumpkin.”

“It’s never too late to say you’re sorry.”

“It’s a little more complicated than that.”

“No it’s not. You made a mistake, you acknowledged you made a mistake, now you just need to tell her you're sorry, and that you won’t do it again. See simple.”

“You are right again, sugar bean. How did you get so smart?” Kelly asks as he scoops his daughter up, as she breaks out into a fit of giggles.

Later that night, after he has put Cassie to bed, Kelly thinks about what she said. He really should apologize to Hailie for his tweet, but how could he get in contact with her. It’s not like Eminem, or anyone close to her will help him, and a public apology will look like a copout after all the feuding he and Em have done.

“Fuck. I can’t set a bad example for Cassie.”

He scrolls through his contacts on his phone, until he sees Travis Barker’s name. ‘Maybe he can give me some advice.’ He checks the clock; it was only 10:30, Travis should still be up.

After two rings he picks up

“Hey Kelly. What’s up?”

“Do you know a way I can get in touch with Eminem’s daughter Hailie?”

“Why do you want to get in contact with Hailie Scott?” Travis asks threateningly.

“I just want to apologise to her, nothing else. My daughter was asking about my feud with Eminem, and asked why I apologised to him, and not Hailie, since it was Hailie I tweeted about. I thought about what she said and it’s a good point. I wronged Hailie, therefore I need to apologise to Hailie, but I have no idea how.”

“So why call me?”

“For advice.”

“Okay. Let’s think. You could try DMing her”

“I highly doubt she would read a DM from me, if she hasn’t out right blocked me on everything.”

“Right. No one will probably give you her phone number. So maybe write her a letter.”

“A letter really. Even if I do write her a letter, I don’t have an address to send it to.”

“I can actually help with that. You just write the letter. I’ll take care of the rest.”

“Okay, a letter it is.”

“Oh and Kelly, you better be telling the truth about this. I don’t mind helping you, but if this is just a way to get to Eminem by using Hailie, or something like that, I will personally drive your career into the ground.”

“Don’t worry Travis I am serious about this. I’ll leave the envelope unsealed so you can read it before it’s sent off.”

“Okay. Call me when you’re done.”

Kelly puts his phone down, grabs pen and paper, and starts drafting his letter.

It’s harder than he thought it would. Swallowing his pride, admitting his faults, and humbling himself is hard, but he finally does, and the letter shows his regret for his actions. Now he just has to find that nice stationary someone gifted him.

******

Hailie was sick and tired of all the attention she has been getting from her dad’s feud with Machine Gun Kelly. She prefers the quiet life she was making for herself, but now she barely got a moment of peace. What makes it even worse is that she has never seen her dad so angry, worrying that things will escalate beyond diss tracks and insults. Hailey doesn’t want anything bad to happen to her dad, because he feels obligated to defend her honor.

She knows her father’s beef with MGK isn’t just about the tweet Kelly posted back in 2012 about her being hot when she was 16, (Kelly says he didn’t know how old she was at the time), and that it was more about how disrespectful MGK was to her dad, saying he was better than her dad, and claiming how Eminem was hindering his career, banning him from Shade 45, and whatnot, but she was tired of this shit. Yeah MGK was a prideful idiot, who was full of himself, but her dad did block him from Shade 45, and some of his friends have decided not to associate with Kelly. When Kelly really did try to talk to Eminem in private, and end their feud, he threw it back in the blonds face, making Machine Gun Kelly double down, and release that diss track, ‘Rap Devil’. Her dad then destroyed him with ‘Killshot’.

While going through her mail, she notices a letter. She couldn’t think of who would send her a letter. Maybe it was a former classmate, or a thank you card. Shrugging she opens the envelope, and pulls out the paper inside.

The letter read,

Hailie,

I am sorry for the tweet I posted in 2012 about you being ‘sexy as fuck’, making you uncomfortable, and for apologising to your dad instead of you.

When I posted the tweet I didn’t know you were only sixteen, and when I found out your age I should have taken it down immediately, and apologized to you, but I didn’t. Instead I made a half assed apology to your dad, who I should have apologised to anyway, but for a different reason.

My daughter helped me see my mistakes, and convinced me that it’s not too late to apologise for what I did. I am going to set a better example for her. I have deleted the tweet, and I promise to never do something like that again. I will make a public apology, if that helps you, or if there is something else you need me to do, please tell me. I want to make up for what I did to you.

I was wrong for what I did, and what you had to deal with because of my actions.

I know I don’t deserve it, and that you in no shape or form have to give it to me, but I would like to ask for your forgiveness.

Sincerely,

Colson Baker, (A.K.A. Machine Gun Kelly)

Hailie was shocked. Machine Gun Kelly sent her a handwritten letter, to apologise for something he did years ago. No one else who had targeted and dissed her has ever apologised to her. Her dad sure, but never her. She rereads it just to make sure.

She opens up twitter, and the tweet is gone. Looking back at the letter, Hailie smiles. Maybe Machine Gun Kelly wasn’t as bad as she thought. She did want to know how he got her address though.

Going back to her phone, she reopens twitter, and goes to Machine Gun Kelly’s profile. She unblocks him, before opening her DMs.

I got your letter. How did you get my address? - Hailie

A few minutes later she got a reply.

I’m glad you got my letter. Don’t worry I don’t have your address. I gave the letter to Travis Barker. He’s the one who got a hold of your address. - MGK

Hailie frowns at her phone. Who was Travis Barker? His name sounds familiar. After a quick google search, she sees he is the drummer for Blink-182, and that he probably got it from Paul Rosenberg. Okay that made her feel better. Going back to twitter, she sees that she has a new message.

Would you mind if I told my daughter that you got my apology letter? - MGK

Hailie thinks about it before typing her reply.

Yeah, go ahead, I don’t mind if you tell her. This doesn’t mean that I forgive you though. - Hailie

I understand, and thank you. Again I am sorry for my tweet, and dragging you into this beef. - MGK

Hailie doesn’t respond. She debates whether or not to reblock MGK, but decides against it. He really did seem remorseful for what he did, and is trying to change to be better for his daughter. That gets Hailie thinking, if Machine Gun Kelly’s daughter can convince him that he needs to apologize to her, and not her dad, then maybe together they can get their dad’s to stop fighting.

Hailie has a plan to end this stupid feud, get her dad from being so angry all the time, and hopefully get her peaceful life back. She will need Cassie’s help, and a few other people too, for this to work. First thing she does is call up Paul Rosenberg.

“This is Paul.”

“Hey, Paul this is Hailie. Do you have a second?”

“Sure. What can I do for you?”

“First are you with my dad.”

“No. Should I be?”

“No, it’s better if he isn’t around for this. Did you give my address to Travis Barker?”

“No, he gave me the letter to mail. I didn’t read it though. He said it was something important, and asked me not to read it. Is everything okay? Was there something in there I should Know about?”

“The letter was important, and you did the right thing trusting him. I just wanted to know how he got my address.”

“Okay, I’m glad my judgement was good, but this has me a little worried. Will you tell me what the letter was about?”

Hailie debates whether or not to tell him. On one hand the letter was an apology to her, she doesn’t have to tell anyone about it. On the other hand, if she tells Paul nothing, he might tell her dad about it in concern, which would ruin her plans. She makes her decision.

“It was a handwritten apology letter from Machine Gun Kelly.”

There is a moment of silence before Paul responds. “WHAT!”

“You heard me. He apologized for the tweet he posted about me, making me uncomfortable, apologising to my dad instead of me, and for dragging me into this stupid feud. He even deleted the tweet.”

Hailie can hear Paul tapping on his phone, probably checking to see if it was really deleted. “Damn, he really did delete it. Do you know what brought this on?”

“Yeah, his daughter.”

“Okay, makes sense.”

“So you know how you have been trying to get my dad to end this feud with him, well this gave me an idea. I just need to know if you are in.”

“I’m listening.”

“If Cassie can change her dad’s mind, then I should be able to do the same with my dad, right? Right. So I need you to do a couple of things. I need a way to get in contact with Cassie, and her mom. I will also need you to back me up later on.”

“Okay I can probably get in touch with Cassie, and her mom. Give me a few days. And I will back you up but I will need more details.”

“I will tell you the details later. I need to make a few more calls.

Next people she recruits are Alaina and Whitney. They have noticed how agitated Eminem has been lately, and agree to help with her plan. He also ropes in Travis Barker, Tommy Lee and Elton John, to help them too.

Paul came through with Emma’s, Cassie’s mom, phone number, and an understanding that Emma will listen to her idea, but she decides if Cassie is involved.

Hailie explains her plan. She and Cassie were going to convince their dad’s to meet, in hopes of ending the beef. Colson already tried once, but Em turned it down. This is where Cassie came in. She needed to convince her dad that he should try again, that he should take the higher ground, and be the better person. You know, set a good example. Emma can help with this too. Hailie has the harder job of convincing her dad to do the same. That he has defended her, and should talk with MGK. Once they have convinced both men to meet, they will have to pick a date that works for everybody. They will have Paul, Travis, Elton, and of course Hailie and Cassie, there when the two meet. Hopefully having both of their daughters there will keep things civil long enough to get something done. Paul hopes a collaboration comes out of it, but Hailie and Cassie just want their dads to be happy again.

******

Over the next few weeks Hailie e-mailed, Cassie and Emma,over how to get the two rappers to end their feud.

******

Hailie, Whitney, and Alaina have been dropping hints, and saying things, about ending arguments, burning the hatchet, and letting bygones be bygones. Em is really proud of his girls, being so mature, but fails to get the hints. Whitney even stages a fight with a friend, with an epic apology, but it still goes over Em’s head.

Now it is time for Hailie to confront her dad on his feud.

She has made it this far, there’s no turning back now. Hailie straightens her back, squares her shoulder, and walks into her dad’s office determined. Her dad looks up from some papers and smiles. It’s nice to see him smile.

“Hey Hailie.”

“Hey dad.”

“What brings you over? Not that I’m not glad to see you, it’s just you have been busy lately.”

“I came to talk to you. It’s about your feud with Machine Gun Kelly.”

The smile falls off Eminem’s face and his eyes harden. “You don’t need to worry about that son of a bitch. I’ll take care of him.” He stands up and heads over to the window.

Hailie takes a deep breath. “No dad. It was me he tweeted about. Everything has gotten out of control, and I have now been dragged into your stupid feud.”

Em turns around. “I know sweetie, and I’m sorry for that, but don’t worry I am crushing that blond asshole. His career is practically over.”

“Dad, that's not okay. Yeah, he is an asshole, and he deserved to be knocked down a few pegs, but this is overkill.”

“Hailie, this is my business. What I do…” Em didn’t get to finish her sentence.

“No, this isn’t just your business. It’s mine too, and I get a say in what happens. Machine Gun Kelly wrote me a letter…” Hailie didn’t get to finish what

“HE FUCKING CONTACTED YOU. I’M GOING TO KILL HIM. THAT STALKING SON OF A…” Em yells, as he heads for the door. Hailie steps in front of him, blocking the exit.

“No you're not. Now calm down. We are going to finish this conversation.”

“Hailie Jade Scott Mathers you better move out of my way.”

“No dad. I am a full grown woman, not a little girl anymore, and you are going to listen to what I have to say. Yes he wrote me a letter. He did it to apologise for what he did. The tweet, the feud, everything. Do you know how many other people have apologised to me for stuff they said? Have expressed regret for what they did to me? Not how many regret having to deal with you, but feel bad for what they did to me.”

Eminem thinks for a second, but doesn’t respond. Hailie continues.

“None. That’s how many. Everyone says sorry to you, not me. He is the only one. He admitted that he should have given me an apology for the comment, and even though it is years late, he still said sorry. Even after this whole feud, ‘Killshot’, and everyone hating him, Colson Baker is a big enough man to admit when he is wrong.”

“Just because he said ‘sorry’ doesn’t mean…”

“No dad, he didn’t just say ‘sorry’, he swallowed his pride, took responsibility for it, deleted the tweet, asked what he could do to make it up to me, and asked for my forgiveness. He wants to be a better role model for his own daughter. Here, read it for yourself.” Hailie hands him the letter, and waits while he reads it.

Em reads the letter. The kid really did set his pride aside and ask for his daughter forgiveness. He rereads the letter just to make sure he read it right, and he did. He was still unbelievably pissed that Machine Gun Kelly was somehow able to get to Hailie, but after reading the letter he doesn’t want to kill the blond idiot anymore.

“Okay he apologized to you, what do you want me to do? Just let him get away with running his mouth?”

“You have already won. He admitted that he couldn’t respond to ‘Killshot’. He tried to contact you more than once to end it but you said no. What I want is for you to be like Machine Gun Kelly, swallow your pride and set a better example for Alaina, Whitney, and I, and at least meet with him, so this stupid feud can end.” Hailie says as she holds her dad’s satire.

Em looks away, and sighs. “I don’t really have a choice in this so I?”

“You do have a choice. You can be an adult and meet with him, or you can be petty, and Alaina, Whitney, Paul, Fifty, Royce, Elton, Dre, and I will be disappointed in you.”

“Of course you got everyone to back you up. Fuck! Fine, I will meet with him, but I am making no promises about ”

Hailie relaxes. She will take it. For all intents and purposes, her dad has agreed, and she is tired, but she has a sense of accomplishment.

“Thanks dad. I’ll have Paul arrange the meeting.” She turns to leave.

“Hey, Heilie.”

“Yeah,dad.”

She turns back around, and her dad has wrapped her up in a big hug. She returns it immediately, and stands there for a moment. When they finally break apart Em asks her, “When did you get so smart, Jelly bean?”

“I don’t know dad. I musta learned it from you.”

******

The day of the meeting happens. They are in a studio in LA. It’s a neutral location. Paul, Elton, and Travis are sitting in the room waiting on the others to arrive.

“So, do you think this will actually work?” Travis asks.

“I don’t know darling, but hopefully with their daughters here it will be civil.” Elton replies as he crosses his ankles.

A few minutes later Eminem shows up with Hailie, and he looks put out. “Alright where is the blond fucker?”

“Marshall! I hope you don’t plan on using that kind of language today. Colson is bringing his daughter, and she is only 9.” Elton scolds. Em sighs knowing better than to argue with Uncle Elton about this kind of thing, even though he is pretty sure that she has heard worse from her own dad. He slumps into a chair between Paul and Hailie, already feeling done with the day and this meeting.

Kelly walks in with Cassie on his shoulders, and she is just chatting away, and Kelly is listening to every word she says. He sets her down in one chair, and takes the one between her and Travis.

“Hi Cassie.” Hailie greets.

“Hi Hailie.” Cassie says with a wave.

Em looks between his and Kelly’s daughters, and then it clicks.

“Fuuuuc-dge, fudge knuckles.” Em has to correct himself remembering that there is a literal child present. Hailie and Travis are snickering. At least Paul and Elton are trying to hide their amusement at his outburst. Em looks over at Kelly who gives him a look saying ‘yeah me too’.

“Our daughters played us.” Em says.

“Yep they teamed up to gang up on us.” Kelly says as he nods in agreement.

Neither rapper speaks, and the silence gets heavier with each passing moment.

“Let’s get this over with.” Em says with a sigh. “Everyone else out. This is between Machine Gun Kelly and me.”

Everyone but Kelly and Cassie begin to protest. Cassie decides to take action. She nudges her dad in the side with her elbow, and whispers in his ear, “Remember Dad be the bigger person.”

“Thanks pumpkin.” He whispers back, gives her a hug. She then grabs hailies hand, and heads for the door. The others follow suit, until it’s just Em and Kelly in the room.

“I’m sorry for tweeting about your daughter. I’m sorry for those things I said about you trying to interfere with my career, and I'm sorry for the other awful things I said about you. I really didn’t mean for that tweet to be rude, but I now see how it looks.”

“Did you fucking practise.”

Kells scratches the back of his head, breaking eye contact, looking down, at the ground. “Yeah with my daughter.” He mumbles out.

“Why did you post that tweet about Hailie?”

“To be honest, I thought she looked hot in it, but I didn’t know how old she was. When I found out how old she was I was disgusted with myself, but didn’t know what to do.”

“Okay fine I can understand that you didn’t know her age before commenting, but it was still shitty.”

“I Know.”

“Don’t ever do it again.”

Kelly looks up meeting Em’s Glare. “I won’t.”

Em takes pity on him, seeing that he is being sincere.

“I’m sorry too, kid. I’m sorry I banned you from Shade 45, talked shit about you, and called you a mumble rapper. You’re not.”

“Thank you.” A soft smile appears on Kelly’s face. Em can’t help but think it looks good on the blond.

Em can’t help but smirk. He was going to have fun picking on Kelly. “Am I really your idol?”

Kelly goes pink, and looks away. “Shut-up.”

“Oh no. You really looked up to me didn’t you? You wanted to be just like me. I bet you had all my albums, and posters of me.”

“Yeah but they always say never meet your heroes.” Kelly freezes, not meaning to say that out loud, making Em stop. Yeah Kelly did look up to him. Kelly really didn’t do anything, beside the tweet. Em did hinder his career, and was an ass to him, but the entire time they were feuding, Kelly still said he looked up to him.

“Look I’m sorry I was an ass to you. You just wanted recognition from me. Instead I dissed you, called you a mumble rapper. You tried to end this multiple times, and I didn’t want to hear it.”

Kelly is still blushing but he is looking at Em again.

“Your lyrics aren’t half bad either.”

The blond lights up. “Really?”

“Yes, need some work but they are pretty good.”

“Thank you.”

They sit there again not knowing what to do. Then Kelly pipes up. “So does that mean our feud is over?”

“Yeah it’s over.”

“What do we do now.”

“N

Em grabs his phone and texts Paul. Next thing they know Paul walks in. “Now that that is out of the way, we can call this beef over. I will set something up for the press.”

The details are hashed out. Kelly is going to open up for Em later this year, and neither one is going to sing their diss tracks of each other. Kelly does get to keep the moniker ‘Rap Devil’, to Paul’s disdain. Em thinks it’s funny (read cute).

Everyone parts ways.

Hailie links with her dad’s arm as they go down the hallway.

“The way you were picking on him, almost felt like you were doing it to get his attention.”

Em blushes as the statement.

“OMG you do think he is cute, that’s why you don’t want to give up this beef.”

“No I don’t. He’s an asshole who needed to be taught a lesson.”

“Okay Dad whatever you say.”

She hurries on head, but turns and gives her dad a wink. A new plan in mind.

#emgk

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fmdtaeyongarchive · 4 years

Text

↬ killing me softly.

date: march 2020 - september 2020.

location: ash’s apartment studio.

word count: 2,018 words, excluding lyrics.

summary: ash: i am so sad, i am so lonely, i want someone to love me, my mental health is terrible. there, that’s the whole solo. no need to read it.

triggers: mentions of nightmares, death, and alcohol. blink and you’ll miss it suicidal ideation.

notes: creative claims verification.

march 2020.

the escaping memories of a nightmare shake ash awake in the middle of the night and by the time he’s regained his senses, he’s sitting up ramrod straight in his bed, the darkness of his room closing in around him like death.

the remnants of the dream are thin and wispy, like the thinnest clouds covering the moon and he grasps at what remains, only to come up with a few images that don’t connect to each other.

a dark street, cold metal.

time twisting in on itself and breaking down. the meeting of eyes and the flashing omen of years of torment.

his body crumpled on the hard black ground. the looming sense of death he’d had the chance to outrun and had only asked to come to him faster.

his heart cracking like a shattered television screen and his mind going white for the rest of time like some undiscovered stage of intoxication.

screaming.

howling.

back to the beginning and through the flames of hell all over again.

he nearly topples off the edge of his bed reaching for the light on his nightstand and only when its light shines its halo does his heart begin to calm its beating.

before it can ease completely, ash takes a pen out of his drawer, forgoing the paper he also keeps there to write two lines on the skin of the inside of his right arm in a sleepy scrawl:

i’d be howling for you before the shadows drag me under.

nightmares come to haunt him nearly every time he closes his eyes for days after that and the feeling he awakes with is always eerily similar.

it’s the fear of falling and the pain of every bone in his body shattering on impact upon hitting the ground.

he’d heard once on the playground in elementary school that you can’t die in your dreams. it’s a defense mechanism by your brain, they’d claimed with all the haughtiness of a know-it-all fifth grader.

ash knows now they’d been wrong. his mind is only at its most destructive when left unattended.

august 2020.

the nightmare only comes once a month or so now and it’s not something he’d have thought to raise in therapy if there hadn’t been a particularly bad episode where his manager had nearly been driven to swerving off the road by ash gasping awake in the back of the van on a way to a schedule.

she suggests writing down what plagues his mind at night when he can’t sleep, so he records a stream of consciousness that very night.

- did i lock the door?

- i hope those girls waiting outside of the building today didn’t find a way to get in.

- this apartment is too big.

- i’m lonely.

- should i call

- why am i doing this?

he stops.

early september 2020.

he’s so tired. it’s a shot to his ego to admit, but he’s on the verge of tears when the nightmare wakes him again and he’s not sure if it’s because of how much it had rattled him or because he’s been damned to another sleepless night.

ten minutes later, he’s in his kitchen with a glass of water in one hand and his phone in the other, scrolling through his contacts.

he passes by his mom’s number, his dad, hyoyeon’s, miyeon’s, jaewon’s.

he stops at youngjoo’s.

she can’t give him what he needs either, but, god, is he good at shaping her into the illusion of what he wants.

is he, though?

if he is, then why does he feel so lonely all of the time? why does his apartment feel too big and the emptiness inside of his body only grow, despite the fighting to put out the music he wants and taking the leap to go to therapy again and the success he’s seen in his professional life this year?

he’s so tired of searching for coping mechanisms in those who never asked to be used. should he call her and tell her that instead? or would he wake her? interrupt her night with someone who means more to her than he does? would she care at all if he said he can’t do this anymore?

this.

pretending sex means something it can’t? bringing her back between his sheets like a drug he’s sickly accepted his reliance on?

fighting for meaning in a life he can’t shake the feeling doesn’t have much to it at all?

the pain of his teeth presses into his lip and he keeps scrolling to the very end of his contacts where only one character identifies a number he should have deleted a year ago.

if he called, would he take him back? if ash begged and pleaded and apologized and swore he wanted to run away tonight and spend the rest of their lives together and never look back, would he take him back?

if he did, would the emptiness inside of ash finally go away?

it wouldn’t.

ash doesn’t love him anymore. he can’t see forever with him and that’s how he’d gotten here in the first place.

but it’d once been something real, something good, something that made him feel like he had purpose and a chance at happiness and that light in the distant gets fainter and fainter by the day now and he’s trying so damn hard to be better to the world and to himself and to feed that light so he can become one himself, but nights like this, it all feels so useless.

yeah, it's true, true, i'm stuck in the loop losing control, i can't get over in the void, i can't be sober

he switches his glass of water out for drinking vodka straight out of the bottle.

early september 2020.

the song doesn’t get out of his head, even as he tries to beat it back and in a few weeks, he has a rough draft of a track he hadn’t planned on making.

it’s a weird song for him.

it’s not that he’s questioning whether the chord progression is too cliche or if the samples he’s used sound amateur. it’s the entire song, its musical lean and the lyrics that lean more conceptual than he’s used to, that he’s doubting now. they’re open to interpretation, more of a poem than a story, and it reflects the nightmares he’s been having, but he can’t imagine showing the song to himself three years ago and having any idea it was a song he’d written.

he listens nervously to the same track on repeat over and over again, finding small details to change as an excuse to avoid thinking too much about if he’ll have to scrap the song altogether, or worse, send it out and risk the rejection that could come. he’s been rejected time and time again before, but there are only two fates he can see this song meeting: a release in the exact form he sees it having or being resigned to the depths of his computer files forever, never heard by anyone but him.

it’s different from what he normally does, but not different enough at the same time and that’s what makes him so nervous. he thinks he likes the work he’s done, musically at least, but it’s more experimental than what he’s done before. he hasn’t even had anyone else’s help on crafting the track that he can pass off responsibility to if it’s dubbed entirely amateur, and he doesn’t want to give into the help of anyone else either. this isn’t a song anyone else can touch. it’s his and his alone, and that’s an inflexible fact as set as the rotation of earth or the existence of gravity.

the questions run around in his head as the hi-hats and the dark instrumental rolls into his mind through the dull black headset over his ears while the screen slowly traces farther and farther right on the visual representation of his composition. he’s muted the vocal track so he doesn’t have to pay as much attention to his own voice crooning back at him with a delivery and lyrics he can’t let himself get caught up in if he ever wants to song to have a finished state, and he’s pleased with the instrumental alone.

it’s a little like something he’d create in order to sell it off to someone else who has a more experimental sound, and for a while, he considers the option of never bringing it forth as a possibility for himself. he can try to pass it off to someone else who’s more secure in displaying themselves as a part of this song than ash feels at the moment. no matter how he turns it over in his head, though, for some reason, he can’t bear to do that. this isn’t a song he wants to strip of its personality and give away.

it’s a great piece, honestly. he’s proud of all of the layers to it and how it includes new elements he doesn’t have much experience working with. on the surface, it’s far from the limited acoustic composition and production he’d been so attached to when he’d put out his first album. this is something that he would have never even considered back then, when he was twenty-one and desperate and the music he was releasing was a mirror of twenty-one year-old ash. ash is three years older now—years that have shaped him into a person more in tune with the sound he has in front of him: something a little more unique and a lot darker, jaded and pained and raw. it feels exactly like what he wants to make even beyond the surface changes. it strikes him that even if he stripped the entire instrumental back to a guitar and his voice like he’d been so fond of two years ago, it’d still sound like the ash of today and not the ash of years past, years that feel like whole lifetimes to him—and, in a way, this feels just like twenty-four year old ash. in all the worst ways, perhaps, but twenty-four year old ash nonetheless.

as he considers that idea, a few of the butterflies in his stomach flutter away and leave him with a slightly more peaceful feeling under his skin. he can’t try to shove himself into the safe bubble twenty-one year-old ash had crafted around himself for protection, a thin plastic veneer of false innocence and abject victimhood, doe-eyed, romantic, and lovestruck. ash can still be doe-eyed. he can still be romantic and maybe, with time, he’ll be able to fall back into the vulnerability of being lovestricken, but those don’t need to be the only characteristics with which he defines himself.

if he feels hopeless and broken and dirty, what’s so wrong with putting that into a song? why does it need to be sugar-coated and rose-colored and always, always relatable to everyone and not just himself?

the track loops around.

ash stops it halfway through to unmute the vocal lines of the song and listen to the full track this time, deciding he can’t tear the instrumental alone apart anymore.

listening back, ash finds himself over-analyzing how well-constructed it is in the eyes of critics. should he soften it? harden it? completely rewrite every word? his own exhale of resignation is blocked out by the dark headset over his ears, but with it comes a contrasting feeling of decisiveness in his chest.

he doesn’t care what anyone else thinks. it could very well be too dramatic, too self-indulgent, too ‘sadboi trap’. for so long, he’s let himself get caught up in the question of what others want from his writing. always, it’s about who he’s writing for. for someone he wants to woo with pretty words of infatuation or executives he wants to please or other producers he wants to impress.

this one is therapy.

this one is for him.

late september 2020.

“are you still having nightmares?”

his therapist asks the question as if she’s wondering what he’d had for dinner last night.

“it’s been a month now. i’m not sure if they’ve decided not to come back or if i never let them leave in the first place.”

#fmdverification #&& when you're screaming but they only hear you whisper | self para #&& bring color to my skies | character development #&& queued

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vaingloriosa · 5 years

Text

the ultimate tagged masterpost

so, i have been slacking in returning y’all’s tagged games and i felt really bad because some of them were writing tag games...and i had nothing to show for. HOWEVER! i have made a sort of bounce back with a lot of friends supporting me :)

let’s kick things off, huh?

1) “ six sentence snippet tag” tagged by @thedragonkween (im love u!) and @the-darklings (CHILE love u as well!)

here’s y’all’s king quentin beck!! also, i think this is...six sentences...

Quentin isn’t sure why he continues to twiddle with the gold band around his ring finger while he’s not performing in front of an audience.

After every debriefing, he takes a bow as the curtain draws before him, the spotlight diminishing from his view, he can’t help but reach for it. The ring acts like some sort of tether, bound somewhere between the role Quentin plays and something far fetched...a yearning feeling that breaks his own heart at times. He can’t quite find the words to express how he feels but he knows to ignore such foolish longing.

Focus, Beck.

Focus.

2) “author questionnaire tag” tagged by @veanery (gracias, mi amiga!!) and @deviantramblings (MISS. LAUREN!! MWAH!!)

fandoms you write for: bruh moment, it changes almost every single day or sumn. i predominately write for marvel and star wars however i have written for john wick, devil may cry 5, stranger things, and d*troit: b*come h*man in the past. i thought about writing for rdr2 hehe

where you post: if you don’t find my work here, you can find me at ao3 under the pseudo “zebracakes”. fair warning, i do not upload all my stories there unless it’s a personal story that i think my readers over there will appreciate as well. so, if u think u see my work on wattpad or whatever y’all mfs use, that ain’t me!

most popular one-shot: Under the Twinkling Stars is a fake wedding date!john wick x reader story that honestly never thought would take off the way that it did. nearly 2k notes! it was originally a request...like wow kudos to op

most popular multi-chapter story: haha....ahh, i accidentally deleted my multi-series story but it was my one and only so there ain’t no answer here

favorite story you’ve wrote: hands down it’s νοσταλγία. this loki x reader story is something that was written in the spur of the moment and it’s about my favorite trope of all time (soulmate au). i tried a new approaching to writing and i am really happy with the outcome!! sometimes i forget that i actually wrote it sjdsajlda

a story you were nervous to post: like hannah said, all of them. authors always tend to be their own worst critics and i am no different. funny enough, i’ve actually taken down some stories i felt were just...not my strongest because they were a little embarrassing to have them up on display.

how do you choose your titles: hmm, great question! i know a lot of authors use lyrics as their titles nd like...i wish i had that kinda brand. most of the times, the title ties into the story and though it’s never stated in the story, it relates to what the story is about. some of my more “adventurous” titles revolve around foreign languages and sometimes inspired by song titles.

do you outline: HELL NAH! i have a vague concept, open up an empty text post, and ROLL WITH IT. however, with some stories, i do take a little bit of time to pinpoint crucial moments of the story but other than that...i just wing it, bro.

complete: what the fuck does this mean?? how many stories i’ve completed?? umm on this blog it’s 53? i think? i was counting fast. i did have more pero i deleted a lot of them during a spiral lmaoo

in-progress: according to my drafts, it’s 15 and they are all OVER the place. however, i do not plan on writing all of them. big sad let’s pour one out

coming soon: i know i piqued some of y’all’s interests when i said i’m stepping into the mysterio x reader fic world so i got sumn in the kitchen for y’all. surprisingly...if anyone is up to it....there’s some dbh leftovers in the fridge...

do you accept prompts: of course i always do! though motivation has been a fickle thing so...bear with me and understand if i don’t take your request.

upcoming story you are most excited to write: quentin x reader angst that has me waking up sometimes to write sumn down for it. without giving too much away, it deals with grief, heartache, longing, and...time travel? brooOo i’m the only one excited like it’s just me, omi, nur, and dori shrieking in the woodlands

3) “10 things tag” tagged by @deviantramblings (thank u, madame!)

list 10 things that make me happy :)

good music to dance to

air conditioning

cats

kind words

cold water

ibuprofen

soft blankets

pdf files

keanu reeves

finding money that you forgot u had

4) “last line tag” tagged by @deviantramblings (thank u again, ma’am), @the-darklings (*tips fedora*), and @veanery (u tagged me so LONG ago EYE)

this is for that one quentin beck x reader story i was talking about.

“Is he currently sleep walking?“

this is the last thing i typed on my draft. however, on my notes app....she is just all over the place...idk where she begins and ends. it’s utter chaos

5) “21 questions” tagged by @thefvlcon (thnak u, kayla!!)

Name / Nickname: it’s anjelica but i go by my nickname “angel”

Sign: scorpio sun, aquarius moon, scorpio rising (?) aka i’m all sorts of dumbass

Height: 5 ft 4

Hogwarts House: i’m only interested in y’all’s hufflepuff bc the mascot is cute and apparently they live near the kitchen??

Last thing I Googled: .....electric shaver....don’t @ me bro only omi knows

Favourite musician/s: bro :// umm, mitski, kshmr, lil nas x, bastille, megan thee stallion, foxes, the killers

Last song I listened to: 10,000 nights by alphabeat! such an old school bop y’all BEST listen to it

Song stuck in my head: it ranges from strawberry blond by mitski or barbed wire by rogue

Following: 78

Followers: on this writing blog, 1,861. my main blog has 1,464

Do you get asks: once in awhile hehe

Amount of Sleep: fluctuates from nine hours to straight up four hours asjkdsalk WHEW

Lucky Number: 7? it’s always been 7

What I’m Wearing: my pajamas aka a ratty light blue avengers shirt from walmart with holes and weird stains and pajama shorts with lil stars and moons from walmart as well lmaooo

Dream Trip: PUMPKIN SOUP WORLD TOUR

Instruments: flute and piano...i am a Lady

Languages: english and spanish because i’m basic and unoriginal

Favourite Song/s: of all time?? BABA YETU!!!!!!!!!!

Random Fact: wild how some of y’all don’t know that i have a twin sister. we ain’t look alike pero u came out from the same mom so

Aesthetic: exposed brick, warm tones, neon lighting, pink sunsets, matte, possums

6) “find the word tag” tagged by @deviantramblings (gosh it’s just u nd me and these tag games huh!!)

rules are you are given a set of words to search them in your wips. my set of challenge words are: tear(s), snow, sun, laugh

omg...i couldn’t....find any of those words in any of my wips asjkdsajkldsa WHEW this was quite....uneventful lmao sorry to disappoint :(( however, i did find some with the word “laughter”...does that count?

start from the beginning (connor x reader)

Hank can’t contain his laughter as he wraps his arms across his chest and shakes his graying hair. He knows that when Connor whips out his formal title out, it’s all in a joking, familial matter. “Oh, and you’re gonna use me as well? Shit, kid, might as well take my house while you’re at it.”

untitled bucky x reader

Your laughter sounds like a sweet melody, one he’s heard over and over again yet he never gets tired of hearing it. Bucky watches as you stand up and walk towards him to take the mason jars out of his hands. His eyes look down to observe a golden wedding band around your finger which prompts him to look at his own left hand. Lo and behold, gold.

oh hold up i found “laugh” lmaooo

untitled connor x reader

“Hello? Is anyone home?” He waves his hand over your face to snap you out of your daze. Your reaction makes Connor’s whole body shake as he laughs with his entire being. A shy smile grows as you lick the seam of your lips and giggle softly to yourself. The candles on the cake flicker, the flames creating a hypnotic trance as they dance to and fro.

(if it sounds ooc, there’s a reason for that that you’ll find out IF I EVER PUBLISH IT LMAOO)

WAIT! I FOUND “TEAR(S)”!!

untitled bucky x reader

Tears prickle at the edge of your eyes but you must not show the fear, the exact physiological response they’re anticipating. You slow down your erratic breathing, trying your best to calm your racing heart. Your eyes shift from your boots to the containment they are keeping your Bucky in. He is sound asleep, a false sense of peace and equilibrium. You want to caress his face and to press your body against him once again to remember the feeling you’ve lost years ago.

7) “ writing style alignment tag” tagged by @deviantramblings (u a real one)

most definitely a chaotic planster! defined by:

has an idea for a plot when they start

who writes things down??

has to assemble scenes into a frankendraft

my method is incredibly messy when it comes to writing. usually there is an idea (thanks, nick fury), which is usually triggered by a scene i want to develop. sometimes all i have is a scene but no plot. sometimes i have a concept of a plot with no real direction. AM I VALID??

8) “ playlist shuffling tag” tagged by @the-darklings (*jenna marbles voice* oh hell yeah) and @veanery (oh my gosh this tag is from many MOONS ago)

since my main playlist only has like five songs, i will go into my general playlist where it’s a literal...what even is it...

oriana by roger zarzour

focus by blackcode

superhuman by crystal knives

adios by ricky martin

take me (not your dope remix) by jikay

all you need to know by gryffin

this is love by hardwell

can’t hear a word you’re saying by x-change

kay gayi chull by the kapoor & sons cast

music del corazon by josh groban

9) “about me tag” tagged by @veanery (brooo thank u), @pointedly-foolish (ayy lmaoo suh dude), @deviantramblings (this was a popular game huh), and @wrinkledparchment (miss. lexi said rights!)

name: angel

gender: female

birthday: november 10th

relationship status: single

favorite color: sunflower yellow

top 3 ships: besides my usual self-ships, let’s do some...actual ships. finnrey, thorkyrie, finnpoe

last song: 学園天国 by clc

last movie: *checks letterboxd* spider-man: far from home lmaooo asjkdsjakl

10) “OTP challenge “ tagged by @reyskywclker (thank u for my rights, miss. parker)

besides the ones that i said in the previous tag, here’s ten more

john/abigail

han/leia

rey/jessika

sam/bucky

thor/bruce

carol/maria

t’challa/nakia

connor/north

peter/mj (mcu)

fuck i literally don’t ship a lot omg i am running on FUMES uhhhh....tiana/prince naveen

11) “about me” tagged by @reyskywclker (this is literally from earlier this year eye...)

Q1. Relationship status?

single and printing out boyfriend applications as we speak

Q2. Favourite colour?

right now it’s yellow :) it definitely fluctuates with what’s going tf on with my life. real life mood ring

Q3. Top 3 ships?

i’m going self-ships because it’s MY sleepover!! loki/me but two more times

Q4. Lipstick or chapstick?

MATTE LIQUID LIPSTICK IS THE ONLY WAY TO GOOOO

Q5. Last song I listened to?

came here for love by sigala

Q6. Last movie I watched?

spidey far from homie

12) “aesthetics tag” tagged by @deviantramblings (mwah!)

honey and lemon or milk and sugar // musicals or plays // lemonade or iced tea //strawberries or raspberries // winter or summer // beaches or forests // diners or cafés //unicorns or dragons // gemstones or crystals // hummingbirds or owls // fireworks or sparklers // brunch or happy hour // sweet or sour // rome or amsterdam // classic or modern art // sushi or ramen // sun or moon // polka dots or stripes // macaroon or croissants // glitter or matte //degas or seurat // aquariums or planetariums // road trip or camping trip //colouring books or water colour // fairy lights or candles

13) “about tag” tagged by @obsiidio (o hy mgosdhashdja HELLLLOOO!!)

name: angel, formally known as anjelica age: 24 lmaooo favourite colour: yellow!! when you made this account: may 26, 2010 at 8:40:44 PM follower count: 1,861?? i think? superpower: night owl favourite drink: ICE COLD WATER, BABEYY! a song(s) you love right now: devil inside me by kshmr dream career: for now....doing something fun while getting paid dream vacation: tokyo and seoul aka just the pumpkin soup world tour hogwarts house: hufflemfpuff fuck jk rowlings for sorting me into gryffindor favourite character this week: DR. JOHNNY WILCOX!!!! HELL YEAH!! christmas or halloween: halloweem

and THAT’S THAT ON THAT! whew, that was...a lot of energy. this took me two days to finish. for those who have not been tagged in these challenges, feel free to tag me in any of these :) you do NOT have to do each and everyone of them ajskdjsal

#about me

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ghostlywritten · 6 years

Text

Uncertainty IV.

Sorry, it took so long. I was actually done with the chapter and just editing when it got deleted from my drafts and I had to start again. I made it longer to make up for it. Enjoy!

I also realised that Jeff Atkins must have known about the Clubhouse since he was on the baseball team, so I’m questioning whether there is actually any decent human being in this world.

Words: 6k+

I II III

Warning: Language. Mentions of abuse, nothing graphic, just mentions.

“So, Bryce is testifying today?” you spoke up as you sat down at the kitchen table with Clay and Justin, the former having decided to drop by today for breakfast.

“Yep,” Justin simply replied, munching on his pancakes, “What about it?”

You and Clay exchanged a glance before you continued, “Well, you sure you wanna come? He’s probably going to sprout a bunch of lies and they might make you lose your temper-”

“Really? You are talking to me about temper?” Your ‘best friend’ raised his eyebrows, pointing at his phone, “After that voicemail you left?”

Clay chuckled, “Justin Folfuck. I remember that.”

You grinned, “Come on. That was a good one.”

Justin snorted. “It was bullshit.”

“It was possibly the best nickname ever for you,” Clay objected, making the other boy glare at him.

“I think we can come up with even better ones,” you mused as you placed your chin on your hands, “Justin Fuckley maybe?”

“Or Justin FolofFuck,” Clay suggested.

“Or Justin Fo-”

“Ok enough abusing my last name for today!” Justin cut you off and you all laughed a little, your hearts the slightest bit lighter than before.

“We gonna meet up with Jessica first to show her the polaroids,” Clay said after a minute of silence and the semi-peacefulness that had settled on your mind disappeared. Right, they still had stuff to do. “And then we’re going to talk to Chloe about them.”

You furrowed your eyebrows in thought, “I dunno. I don’t think she would feel quite comfortable if you approached her with this.” You picked this up, taking a deep breath upon looking at the picture. It had lain there on the kitchen table since you guys woke up, haunting you and making sure you never forgot how fucked up this school was.

“Why?”

“Because you are boys,” you said slowly, raising your eyebrows.

“Right. I don’t get it, but right,” Clay nodded with a look that clearly showed he didn’t.

“I mean, you tried convincing Jessica to testify before and how did that end?”

“...So you and Jessica will go to her?”

“Best be that way,” Justin said and you nodded in agreement. You weren’t sure how exactly to approach Chloe with this, but Jessica and you would have to find a way.

One hour later you were sat at Monet’s next to a horrified Jessica staring at the pictures as you failed to find the appetite to sip on your hot chocolate.

“If she doesn’t know this happened to her, she’s going to be destroyed,” Jessica whispered, choking up and you rubbed her back in an attempt to soothe her. She didn’t show any signs that it was working. “You can’t expect her to be alright with letting the whole world know about this. They need to take Bryce down without her.”

“I don’t think they can,” you said softly, “Bryce is just going to lie and there is no proof against him. Except for this...and you.”

Clay took out another picture of a girl sitting on the sofa of the infamous Clubhouse. “Nina is part of it, too.”

“Oh my god.”

“This is proof, Jessica. Proof, who Bryce is. Who they all are.” You winced slightly but tried to pretend you didn’t care about who else he was accusing in his implication. Justin’s hand grasping yours around your cup told you that you weren’t really successful. “It’s proof that you are not alone.”

“And that makes it easier?!” Jessica stood up, enraged. “Like we’re a fucking club?” She swiped up the pictures in her hand, leaving. “Jesus, you guys!”

“Wait! That might be evidence,” Clay protested, meekly.

“Well, it doesn’t belong to you,” Jessica said, glaring at you three and walking out. You sighed. ‘Now that went well,’ you thought, looking up the two in front you.

They were staring at you, expectantly. “Wh-what?”

“You said you would go talk to Chloe with Jessica,” Clay reminded you.

“Yeah, well. That plan is over, Jessica clearly doesn’t want to talk about it with her.”

“Then, convince her! You’re a girl!”

“Yeah, but I wasn’t raped,” you said, shutting them up. “I can’t talk to Chloe alone and I can’t try to persuade Jessica, either because I don’t know what they’re going through. I can only help when Jessica wants to.”

“Please, Y/N. Try to convince her somehow,” Clay almost begged and you wondered why he was so much more invested in this than anyone else, even Justin, whose ex-girlfriend got raped, “You know this is the only way to take down Bryce. If you don’t, this shit will continue at school even after we graduate and who knows how many other girls will get rape-”

“Alright. Alright,” you stopped his rant and stood up, taking your hand out of Justin’s grip. “I will try, okay?” They sighed in relief. “But I can’t guarantee anything.”

“That’s okay. Meet you at the courthouse?” Justin suggested and you nodded, quickly running after Jessica.

“Jessica!” you knocked at the window of the passenger seat and she jumped in fright.

“Jesus, Y/N,” she said as soon as she rolled down the window.

“Sorry,” you smiled sheepishly, “I was...wondering if you could give me a ride to school. The guys want to go see the trial and I’m not really in the mood to see that fucker’s face.”

“Yeah, sure. Get in.” You thanked her quietly, opening the door and sitting down. She turned up the engine and BTS’ Blood, Sweat & Tears started blasting from her aux.

“No...freaking...way. You’re a Kpop fan?!” you exclaimed as Jessica turned it down, sheepishly.

“Yeah, it’s weird. I know.”

“What’s weird about it? I love Kpop!”

“You do? I thought I would never find someone who does,” Jessica laughed, turning the volume back up. The rest of the ride to school was spent yelling out the lyrics off-key, which you probably pronounced completely wrong but you didn’t give a shit.

“Wow, it’s so fun if someone else actually sings along with you,” Jessica breathed, still shaking slightly with laughter as she parked her car in front of the school.

“Right? I never managed to get Scott into this-” you cut yourself off, your smile dying.

“I’m sorry. I heard you guys broke up,” Jessica said, gently.

“Yeah. It just- I couldn’t handle it anymore with all the shit about Bryce.”

“I get that...but what exactly does your ex have to do with it? If I can ask?” Already the second person, who had asked you this. “I mean...did he ever...do what- Is that why you’re with Clay and-”

“God, no!” you immediately said. The amount of implications of rape was getting way too much around this school. “He never ever touched me against my will. That’s not it.”

“What if you don’t remember...” she almost whispered and you stared at her, wide-eyed. “What if he- or someone else of those bastards - drugged you. Like they did with the other girls.” You hadn’t noticed she was clutching the pictures of Nina and Chloe in her hand until she looked down at them, sheer pain contorting her expressions.

“I-I,” I never really thought about that. “As far as I know, nothing happened. No. As much as I detest Scott being friends with that dick, I don’t think he would ever do something- or let someone do this-,” you swallowed, thickly. Closing your eyes, you took a deep breath and bit your lip.

“No, the reason I’m with Clay and Justin all the time is that I think you should-”

“Go against Bryce in court?” she cut you off, chuckling bitterly. “You don’t get it. You don’t know how it feels to be up there, getting your words completely twisted and make you out to be your own villain. It- I...I don’t want to go through that again. They won’t believe me. A drunk slut,” she bit her lip, slumping against her seat, defeated. Silence, and then-

“...I believe you,” you said, softly. She wiped her tears away and you scrambled to get a tissue out for her. “And Clay believes you. And your parents believe you. And I think Alex too, though I don’t really know him. And Chloe will believe you...when she sees the pictures. Jessica,” you called out her name as she started shaking her head, “You need justice. You need to make him pay for what he did to you. I know it’s not my place to say anything because I can’t imagine how hard it is for you, but...if I were you, I wouldn’t want him to just walk the halls of this school without any consequences when he continues being a rapist.”

She sniffed, taking the tissue from you. “I...I’m sorry, I can’t. I- it just hurts too much, I-”

“...It’s okay,” you said, slightly disappointed but you couldn’t blame her, “You don’t have to do anything that you don’t want-”

“We should talk to Chloe and Nina about this,” Jessica said, holding up the polaroids.

“Are you sure?” you asked, surprised. She nodded, drying her tears determinedly. “I’m not strong enough, but maybe they are.”

You took her hand, squeezing it slightly. “Let’s go.”

Approaching a girl with the devastating news wasn’t exactly your special field so you were glad that Jessica took the lead and talked to Chloe. At the beginning, you guys couldn’t find her during first and second period until you figured she would be at court for Bryce along with the rest of the jocks. Excluding Zach Dempsey, including Scott.

But you got a text from Justin during third, stating that Chloe had walked out of court, surprising you and Jessica. After that it was easy to find her in one of the lounges, skimming through a magazine.

As heartbroken as she was about the news she was willing to do something about it and Jessica was quick to tell Hannah Baker’s mother as Chloe called her own.

“This went...pretty well,” you commented as you guys parted from Chloe and walked down the hall slowly, “You did really good. I didn’t have to say anything, basically.” Jessica smiled, weakly. “I guess it’s easier to hear it from someone, who went through the same shit. Even if she didn’t believe me at first.”

You nodded in understanding before pointing at the cafeteria. “Should we grab something to eat before you talk to Nina with me sitting for silent, moral support?” You chuckled and Jessica looked at you uneasily, “Look. I know, Nina is very private about this. She would probably flip if she knew someone else knows about what happened to her-”

“You gonna go alone?”

“I think, it’s best if I talk to her alone, yeah.”

“Okay. Text me if you need help or something,” you said, quickly exchanging phone numbers before you went your separate ways. There wasn’t much of lunchtime left but you figured you would still try to get something when someone got in your way.

“Hey tutor, who got me an A in English,” Cyrus greeted you with a wide smirk, holding up the essay he had worked on with you.

“Cyrus, that’s amazing!” you gasped with a smile, high-fiving him. “Well done!”

“Nah, I won’t take all the credit. It happened because of your massive help.”

“I didn’t really do m-”

“Shut up and accept my gratitude,” he snapped, flicking your forehead.

“Oookay and ouch,” you mumbled, rubbing the sore spot and he grinned.

“Atta girl. Now, listen,” he said, clapping his hands as you looked through his essay. “If you need any help with anything, I’m your man.” You chuckled. “Like maybe beating a certain ex of yours, you know...” Your laughter died down quickly.

“So, you’ve heard,” you remarked, your smile turning sad.

“I don’t think there is anyone, who hasn’t heard,” he replied, shrugging.

“Yeah...no beating him up though, thank you,” you said sternly and he pouted slightly. “Maan, I was looking forward to having a valid reason to mess with some varsity jackets.”

You laughed, “Since when do you need a valid reason for that?”

“...Good point. But my boys and I are not enough in numbers to really beat the shit outta them.”

“I guess not...”

“But we are enough to beat the shit out of one of them...”

“I’ll repeat myself. No.beating.him.up.”

“Alright, alright,” he clapped your shoulder with seriousness, “Just know, my biceps are ready whenever.” You laughed and nodded, bidding him goodbye as the bell rang for the next period.

“Hey, you said you would meet us at court,” Justin’s voice rang through your ear as you held your phone up against your ear with your shoulder.

“Yeah, I planned to. But Jessica is taking ages talking to Nina and I have no ride since you guys have my car,” you explained whilst putting your books in your bag.

“Right, shit. I’ll pick you up,” Justin said and you could hear the engine starting in the background.

“Where are you guys now?”

“Still parked at the courthouse, it just finished for today.”

“Do I wanna know how it went?”

“Not really,” Justin mumbled, “Bryce was full of shit like we expected and the jury fed off of it.”

“Damn,” you cursed under your breath, “I need a drink.” Justin chuckled, “I think we all do.”

“Unfortunately my mom only possesses red wine at home and really nothing else.”

“That’s fine.”

“Is Clay coming, too?”

“Eh, no. I don’t think he’s really in the mood. Clay?”

“What did Chloe say?” Clay demanded to know abruptly in the background. He probably took the phone from Justin because next, you could hear him clearly, “Did you get through her?”

“Yeah. She’s going to meet with the Baker’s lawyer. I think she will testify,” you informed him, closing your locker.

“Good. Good,” Clay muttered, more to himself than to you.

“Is everything okay?”

“Yeah. All good. I’ll give you Justin,” with that you were unceremoniously handed back to your ‘best friend’.

“See? Told you he’s not in the mood.”

“Fine. Take him home and then pick me up?”

“Yeah. See you in twenty-something.”

You ended the call and proceeded to walk down the hallway towards the exit when a voice called out to you. “Y/N!”

Turning around you saw Mr. Porter halfway out of the school’s office.

“Yes?”

“Do you have time for a little chat?” he asked and you grew nervous. Did you do something?

“E-ehm, sure. What is it?” you replied, shifting.

“Nothing bad. I just wanna check up on you.” Confused, you passed him and went into his little office, seating yourself in front of his desk. He placed himself across from you with the attempt of a welcoming smile. “How are you doing?”

You raised your eyebrows. “Fine?”

“That sounds more like a question than an answer.”

“I mean, I’m fine. Why do you ask?”

“I told you. I wished to check up on you.”

“Are you checking up on everyone in this school? I imagine you would be busy,” you remarked and he chuckled lightly.

“No. I do wish I could talk to every single one to the extent they deserve but I don’t have much time. So I’m singling out the ones I feel need my attention the most.”

“And...why do you think I need your attention? I’m fine,” you protested slightly, “There are others you should be paying attention to. With the trial and everything.”

“I am. You are not who I have flagged as the most worrisome. I have talked to the others, also Justin whom you’ve kindly sent to me the other day.” You smiled, pumping the air mentally in success.

“How did that go?”

“Now, I’m not allowed to talk about other students. And Y/N, this is about you,” he said, turning the topic back on you lightly. “Unless you want me to refer you to a female counselor if you’re uncomfortable talking to me.”

“Why would I be uncomfortable?”

He sighed quietly. “Y/N, I know about your relationship with one of the baseball team.” You sucked in a breath, getting a hunch on what this was about.

“I was...we broke up,” you said and he nodded.

“Can I ask about the reason?” You stared in utmost surprise at his blunt question. “Can you? Like are you even allowed to ask this?”

“Personal relationships between students are usually not my field, I admit that. But if I have the feeling that a certain relationship could be of some kind of danger for one of them, I need to be made aware of it.”

“...What exactly do you want to say?”

“Y/N, I...have failed once in providing the help a girl needed when she came to me.” You swallowed. He was talking about Hannah. “And I know I’ve lost the trust of all the students here, but...,” he paused, trying to compose himself as he cleared his throat. You could tell Hannah’s death was burdening him. “But I don’t wish to do the same mistake, again. And I know, the students won’t approach me so I have to approach them.” You stayed quiet.

“Now, Y/N. You’ve been in a relationship with someone, who is a close friend of a certain Bryce Walker.” You stared up at him, wide-eyed. “I’m assuming because of their relationship you were close to him as well. Or at least, often in his vicinity.”

“I- Yes.”

“Is there a possibility that you and Bryce have been...intimate against your will?”

“What?!”

“Or with anyone else of his friends. Or maybe your boyfri-”

“No. Nothing of that sort happened!” you quickly responded and he stopped, nodding slightly.

“And you are certain of this?”

“Yes!”

“Alright. Have you ever been in a situation where you could have been heavily intoxicated...or even drugged?” he continued to prod gently.

“What? Like a party?”

“For example.”

“Yes. But I- I never drank too much to pass out or anything. Scott made sure of that.”

“Scott. Scott Reed from the baseball team,” Mr. Porter noted, “Your boyfriend.”

“Ex-boyfriend.”

“Right. And you trust him? Or trusted him?”

“Yes. I do trust him.” You failed to notice that you weren’t talking in the past tense. “He would never let something like this happen. Or do it himself.”

Mr. Porter looked at you, analysing your determined expression. “You seem pretty sure about this? Can I ask why?”

“Look,” you leaned forward, “Scott is not like the others. He just wants to play baseball and that’s it. It’s not...it’s not his fault he’s surrounded by dicks,” you said, slowly coming to the realisation as you spoke it out. It wasn’t his fault. He could have done something, but he was one against the rest of the jocks. And maybe Jeff Atkins. Who never did anything about it, either. You didn’t know what to feel anymore. Should you blame him for sitting back and watch girls get raped or should you not? Could you even ask of him to go against a whole team? You didn’t know.

“If you are sure about this,” Mr. Porter said, interrupting your thoughts, “Then I believe you. But if there’s ever anything that happened or happens to you, please - I’m pleading with you - come to me or a female counselor or any other authority you can trust. Don’t keep it in. Whoever you go to will hopefully not do the same mistake that I did,” he ended. You saw the sincerity glistening in his eyes or maybe they were glistening from unshed tears.

You gulped and nodded. “I will.”

“Okay,” he whispered.

“Okay,” you echoed as quietly before you gathered your things quickly and stood up. “Thanks, Mr. Porter. For reaching out.” He smiled slightly, nodding.

Walking out you barely noticed your feet heading towards the exit of the school as your thoughts ran through your mind in full speed. You took deep breaths to calm yourself as you pushed the double doors open, hoping Justin had already arrived so you could get your drink sooner than later.

As you surveyed the parking lot in search of your ‘best friend’ you noticed a black Range Rover rolling in with more jocks in it than the car could possibly fit. And they were hollering as if they had won a game. You looked on with a frown when the car halted not far away from you and the passenger door opened. Scott got out, clapping a few waiting hands as half-hearted high-fives.

“See you tomorrow, Scotty!” Bryce hollered. He was in an awfully good mood. You hated him.

“Yeah, bye,” Scott said, waving them off and taking out his car keys as he walked to his own machine. Which was parked across from you.

It was too late for you to pretend you hadn’t watched him because as soon as the Range Rover backed away he looked up and made eye contact. He halted in his tracks, almost dropping his keys. You bit your lip, which had turned too dry for your liking as you took in his features. He was still the same beautiful, tanned boy you knew as Scott Reed, yet his skin seemed almost gray and his striking bright eyes were dull as they scanned your face like you did his.

“Y/N,” he muttered, unsure of whether he should take a step closer or not.

“Scott.” You wished you could have sounded stronger but your voice was as weak as his. He briefly closed his eyes as if he was savouring the sound of his name coming from you.

“Are you...are you okay?” he asked, hesitatingly. He dared to step a little closer.

“I’m fine...you?” you asked back. He looked relieved when you didn’t move back and took it as a sign to try and get closer.

“I’m-I’m...my body’s healthy,” he said clumsily and you resisted the urge to smile when you raised your eyebrows. “Okay?”

“I mean, I’m functioning, but...” He looked down, gulping and the ghost of your smile vanished. “I miss you, Y/N,” he said, glancing at you longingly. Your eyes shifted from his, not being able to handle the strong emotions in them. “Y/N, I can’t- I...can we please get back together?”

“Scott, I-”

“Or at least let me see you. Let me talk to you,” he continued desperately and you suddenly realised how close he had gotten. You could feel the warmth emitting from him, smell his comforting scent. You also noticed he wasn’t wearing his varsity jacket like he did every day at school. “I can’t stand the silence. Yell at me, be mad at me, anything. But not this...emptiness,” his voice broke off at the end and you had to physically restrain yourself from wrapping your arms around his neck and never let him go. Was it really his fault?

“Y/N,” he softly grazed your cheek with his fingertips and you closed your eyes, relishing in his touch, “Please say something. Anything.”

You pulled my underwear down and used your body to trap me there. You gripped my wrists and pushed yourself inside of me. It felt like a knife cutting me open.

A car came to a screeching halt right in front of you. You snapped out of your trance-like state. “Y/N,” Justin called out, eyeing you two and especially glaring at the boy next to you. He looked ready to jump out of the car and beat him up. Scott tensed, glaring right back at him. “Come on. Get in,” your ‘best friend’ simply demanded and you could only nod.

“Y/N, baby.” Your steps towards your car faltered at his pained voice.

“I’m sorry, Scott.”

“Any news from Jessica about Chloe?” Clay asked as soon as you stepped out of the car with Justin the next day.

“Not yet,” you replied, closing the door and swinging your bag over shoulder, “They’re still in the meeting, I guess.” Clay nodded, breathing deeply.

“Good morning, by the way,” he said in the aftermath, remembering his manners. You chuckled and greeted him back before turning to the latino next to him.

“Hey Tony,” you greeted him lightly, knowing him from a few classes. He nodded with a smile.

“Ready for Math?” he asked to make a conversation.

“Oh hell no,” you groaned as you remembered it was your first class. Well, you guessed it was one of your least worries right now.

“It’s not that bad,” Clay threw in albeit absent-mindedly and you knew his head was filled with the trial and one Hannah Baker.

“Of course you would say that. You’re the best in that class,” Justin snorted as you guys stepped in.

“And we’re the worst,” you said, gesturing towards Justin and yourself. “My locker is the other way. I will see you guys in class?”

They nodded and went down the hallway as you took a left to go to your locker. And you wished you hadn’t. Before you even reached your first period you got hit with the news of the fight that had broken out.

“What the hell is wrong with them?” you whisper-shouted to Sheri, who told you. She shrugged with a sigh. “Apparently Justin saw Bryce and flipped his shit.”

“I knew he would lose his temper.” You pinched the bridge of your nose when your phone dinged at the same time Sheri’s did. You took out your device, noticing an update on the trial’s blog.

“Oh my god,” Sheri whispered just as you read it, “Chloe is testifying against Bryce Walker?”

“Yeah, Jessica managed to convince her,” you said more to yourself than her, feeling the slightest spark of hope ignite inside you, “This could be a huge benefit for the Baker’s.”

“Let’s hope so.”

“You know where the boys are now?” you asked her, pocketing your phone. “We should go be at the trial.”

“I think they are in detention with Coach Patricks,” she responded and you left to get them. Though their detention might stand in the way of getting to court in time.

On your way to the class, you got a message from Jessica asking when you would come to court and you texted her back quickly. Pacing in front of the door, you wondered whether Coach was asleep already or not. You didn’t have to make a decision as the secretary of the school came waltzing down the now empty hallways with some guy. She gave you a look. “I believe you have classes now,” she stated and you nodded, pretending to walk away before you took a u-turn as soon as they walked into the class.

“Mr. Walker, please come with us,” you heard her say.

Risking a peek inside you saw more guys than you had expected to be involved in the fight, even Cyrus and his men. You chuckled quietly to yourself, ‘Finally got to beat up some varsity jackets.’ Your mirth died down soon though when you noticed your ex-boyfriend in the middle of the crowd already looking straight at you. His clothes looked disheveled and he had yet again left his varsity jacket behind, leaving him only in a white, tight-fitting shirt. His eyes looked empty.

To your relief, he didn’t seem hurt at all so you quickly stopped scanning his features and glanced at Clay and Justin instead. They gave you a questioning look and you waved your phone at them, indicating them to check their own. Clay frowned, pointing at Coach. You noticed they had to hand off their devices when Bryce picked off his own.

He walked towards the door, which is exactly where you were and you narrowed your eyes at him as he assessed you with a calculating look.

“Mr. L/N, off to class,” the secretary ordered again and you nodded at her absently before you turned back to Clay.

“Chloe is testifying,” you tried to whisper as you could and his eyes widened along with a few others, who had heard in the silent room.

You sat in the courtroom with Justin and the others next to you. Chloe was up on the stand, fidgeting nervously as she was sworn to tell the truth and nothing but the truth. She was looking at Jessica for reassurance, who smiled at her albeit falsely. You couldn’t blame her; not having the polaroid box anymore was a huge loss and you had no further proof except the ones with Chloe and Nina.

“Wonder how Bryce feels with his own girlfriend testifying against him,” Justin mumbled, looking past you towards the other aisle. You glanced that way too, immediately spotting Scott in the crowd of jocks, the only one staring blankly ahead between them. You noticed he had shown very little emotion here and in school lately.

“Hopefully feels like karma biting his ass,” you mumbled back, “What’s his deal with the glasses anyway?”

“He had them on yesterday too at his turn,” Justin replied, “Alex says it’s a trick to make him look more empathetic.”

“Try more ugly,” you scoffed and you both chuckled until Clay shot you glare, causing you to quiet down.

“It’s in the woods,” Chloe informed, “behind the fields. It’s this secret place that you have to be invited to...unless you are on the baseball team.” You looked at Scott with a pained expression. So he knew ever since he started playing years ago.

“And who invited you?” Dennis interrogated with Chloe answering accordingly, “Bryce.” She described what happened in the Clubhouse and what they were doing when she was asked about the photos.

“So you don’t remember having sex with Bryce Walker?” the lawyer asked straight on. This was the key part. The part to take down Bryce and the school. You held your breath in anticipation as you were sure everyone else did when...

“No, I do.”

...

What?

“I remember.”

You shot a look at Justin, who looked as confused before turning to Bryce. He was fucking smirking. Leaning back against the seat, your shoulders slumped in defeat. Chloe lied. And the polaroids were gone. You practically lost.

“Jessica said yes to me testifying,” Justin informed you as soon as you pulled up at Monet’s to pick him up.

“Really? How did you manage that?” you gasped in surprise and he shrugged, buckling himself. “I can be super persuasive, what can I say?”

You raised an eyebrow at him before laughing, “Don’t get cocky now. Though this is great!”

“Right? We might still win...against Bryce,” he said slowly, listening to something on his phone as you pulled out.

“What is it?”

“It’s...Clay. He’s asking me to meet him at the bottom of Vaughan’s Hill. With his car.”

You frowned. “Why there? Isn’t that where Bryce lives around?”

“Yeah. What the fuck is he doing?”

“Let’s find out.” You made a turn to the right, changing directions.

“Wait, he was asking for his own car.”

“Well, he’s getting mine. It’s better than his Prius anyway,” you chuckled, Justin joining you. Upon arriving at Vaughan’s Hill you spotted Clay just right outside, seemingly having a breakdown.

“What the fuck?” Justin mumbled and you stopped the car right in front of Bryce’s porch, making yourself known to Clay.

“Clay, what are you doing?” Justin asked as soon as he got out with you tagging along. Before you could say anything yourself, you were suddenly grabbed by your ‘best friend’ and pulled behind him when he yelled out, “Where the hell did you get that?”

“Get out of my way, Justin,” Clay said, looking like he was losing his mind and your heart stopped when you noticed the gun in his hand.

“Clay,” you gasped out but he didn’t seem to have heard you, instead he tried to get closer to Bryce’s house, not looking at any of you.

“Come on, Clay, this is fucking crazy,” Justin tried to stop him, making sure to keep you behind his back at the same time.

“No one’s going to get justice for her. Move!” Clay yelled. Your hand clutched at Justin’s shirt when he suddenly pointed the gun at him.

“Clay, stop it!” you yelled out, stepping out from behind Justin to block his way as well. You couldn’t let him ruin his life nor could you let him shoot your best friend.

“I can’t count on anyone else anymore. I have to do this myself,” Clay tried to explain, struggling with something in his mind.

“You don’t have to. Jessica wants me to testify,” Justin said, trying to appease him, “We can get him tomorrow.”

“I have to do this now...for Hannah.”

“Clay, I know you loved her, but she’s gone. And taking out Bryce won’t bring her back.”

“How do I make her stop? She won’t stop,” Clay said desperately, not looking at Justin or even at you but some spot beside you. The same spot he had been glancing at continuously when he wasn’t talking to you.

“Stop who?”

“He’s seeing her,” you breathed out and Justin looked at you confused, “He’s seeing Hannah.”

“What are you talking about?” Justin said, trying to pull you back behind him but you resisted, going to the spot where you noticed Clay staring. You tried to catch his eye but it was like he was looking right through you, suddenly pointing the gun at himself.

“Clay, don’t do this,” you pleaded, slowly walking closer to him. Your heart raced and your palms started sweating when you saw his finger on the trigger. You didn’t know what you would do if he pulled it. “Give me the gun,” you said with an unsteady voice.

“She won’t stop,” Clay whispered again and again like a mantra when you heard a door opening behind you.

“What the fuck?” Bryce’s voice reached your ears.

You silently drove your car through the streets, your unsteady breathing the only noise in the little space. Stopping in front of Clay’s house, you mulled over what to say to the two quiet boys, who were with you. Quite frankly you were happy they were both alive. And that you didn’t have to see someone die right in front you even if it was someone like Bryce Walker.

“Well, here we are,” you mumbled numbly. Justin nodded, glancing at the boy in the backseat.

“You really gonna testify tomorrow?” CLay suddenly asked, turning his stare from his hands to your best friend. Justin nodded again silently. Clay looked back down, wetting his lips before he suddenly got out, not being able to handle the tension in the car anymore.

You breathed out as quietly as you could but Justin still noticed. He placed a hand on yours, making you look at him. “You okay?”

“I guess. You?”

“I guess,” he repeated and you were almost too tried to roll your eyes at him. Almost. He laughed a bit and you squeezed his hand. He looked down at your joined hands, intertwining them. “We do get through a lot of shit, don’t we?” he mumbled. You thought about the times he came over when Seth was being a dick or the time he was there for you when your dad was killed by some mobster that was never found.

“Yeah, we do,” you muttered back before taking your hand out from his to pull your car out, “Let’s get home.”

“You know, maybe I should stay with Clay,” Justin suggested, looking at the house his friend had disappeared in, “He’s freaking unstable right now. I should...watch over him or something.”

“You’re right,” you agreed, stopping the car. You resisted the urge to tell him that you needed someone too right now. “Take care of him.” He nodded, getting out.

“Justin,” you called him back and he turned to you, questioningly, “Where is the gun?” He looked down at his pants before back at you and you threw him a disgusted look. “I have to hide it somewhere, don’t I? Can’t waltz in there with a gun in hand.”

“Yeah, maybe you should leave it here. I could put it along with my mom’s collection,” you suggested, “No one will question it.” He nodded, pulling the gun out from his pants and handing it to you. You pulled a face and motioned towards the glove locker, “Put it there. I ain’t touching it.” He laughed before following suit.

Waving a last goodbye you drove out of sight, the tears immediately flowing out. Could you blame yourself? Tonight was too intense and you didn’t think you could handle any more of this. At this time, you needed Scott more than ever. You wiped your tears away to get rid of your blurred sight. ‘Tomorrow is the last day of court,’ you thought to yourself, ‘And then it will be over.’ Hopefully.

Pulling up at your driveway, you shut down your car. The light of the porch immediately went on by your movement and you noticed a figure sitting on the stairs that led up to your house, sitting there as if he knew you needed him. Your breath got caught in your throat as his features got illuminated by the light, making him look out of this world. At that moment, you wanted nothing more than to jump out of the car and run into his arms and you could almost picture yourself doing it. But society was standing in your way like tall, unmoving brick wall.

So instead you got out of your car slowly, aware of his gaze following your every movement as he sat there with his elbows on his knees, his hands clasped tightly together.

“What are you doing here?” you asked tiredly, taking out your keys as you walked up to him.

“I came to see you,” he said softly and you briefly closed your eyes to savour the feeling of hearing his voice.

You pulled yourself together quickly, looking him dead in the eye. “Well, you saw me. Now, leave.”

“You’ve been crying,” he suddenly said, standing up as his forehead creased in worry, “What happened?”

“N-Nothing.” You hated how your voice wavered, “Nothing happened.”

“Bullshit. Did someone do something to you?” he asked, taking a step forward.

“No. I’m just sick of humans, of rapists, of this school, of everything,” you almost shouted and his eyes softened, “And there is nothing you can do about it.”

“Baby-”

“Don’t call me that,” you interrupted him, slapping his hands away that tried to reach for you, “We are not together anymore, why don’t you get it?” His lower lip quivered as he tried to come up with a sentence, but you brushed past him, walking up the stairs to your house, “Now, please leave me alone.”

It was quiet as you tried to get your key into the lock with your shaking hands until-

“Do you want me to testify?” You stopped dead in your tracks. Turning to look at him, shocked.

“What?”

“Do you want me to testify?” he repeated, his green eyes staring straight into yours. “For the Bakers.”

Help me Get Coffee Support?

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invelleity · 5 years

Note

psst. be honest. all of the questions. go.

i can’t believe jeanette is tryina kill me in public and i’m still love her??? | not accepting anymoooore | @ltbroccoli

cracks knuckles here we go ( odd numbers 1-9 are here )

2. Are aesthetics important to you? If they are, why?

Not very. It’s fun and cute and all, but I care a whole lot more about “clicking” with people and having fun writing with them.

Exception: If someone’s aesthetic is so overblown that I can’t even find the pages on the blog or read the text, I.....won’t interact with that tbh.

4. How do you explain rp to someone in the real world?

(kicks down my roommate’s door at 10pm) “OK so I’m writing— stop screaming, it’s me,— I’m writing a character in Security and you’re like a double black belt or some shit, can you explain how—”

( My roommates all know it’s a thing I do but I’ve never sent them a link or shown them any of the actual writing. They’ve met a bunch of y’all over like Rabbit streams and @rumdaydreams irl though so like.... They Know. )

More under the cut

6. Do you prefer writing male muses or female more? Why?

Ehhh, depends on my mood. I lean towards female muses in general ( definitely got a bigger chunk of ladies on my list, for sure for sure ) but I love my boys.

8. Name any three things about the rpc that bother you.

Uhhhh A) We’re all such dumb socially awkward blobs so it’s often hard to get to know new people.

B) The feel that if you have a good relationship with one person who writes a canon muse, it’s some kind of lowkey betrayal to write with other people who write the same muse??

C) How much I, a certified card-carrying dumbass, stress myself out about posting on a “regular” schedule. Does that count? Like I want the blogs to look “presentable” lmao and me@me Calm The Fuck Down.

10. Have you ever had a bad experience with commissions? As either someone who makes them or as someone who buys them?

N / A

11. What do you know now about rp that you wish you knew when you first started?

Uhhhh, when I first started was long enough ago and the community was so different a lot of those lessons no longer apply. I wish when I finally jumped over to Tumblr I’d realized quicker how the new like....basic ways of meeting people and posting and all worked, which was mostly just a “calm down and go with the flow more, let go of your stupid rigid old habits” lmaooo.

12. Have you been involved in drama? Do you regret it?

yES. Yeah. Hahaha ha h.

But ummm, not usually. No. Most of my drama has been either A) me posting the very very softest, most diluted version of barely-touching on my politics and my real goddamn life and people being fuckin butthurt as hell about or B) cutting people who were toxic and draining out of my life. So.

13. Have you ever thought about leaving rp? What caused it? What changed your mind?

cw suicidal ideation ment

Yeah. Once I actually did — when I started college I just didn’t have the time, so I peaced from the larger community to just write with close friends for a while. I’ve also considered leaving the T.umblr RPC a few times, but really only because of long bad depressive episodes. Coming back and “not wanting to literally die irl ha Ha” and catching up with my drafts gets me back on track lmao.

14. Do you think rp has had a positive or negative affect on your life or you as a person?

Positive! Sometimes I worry that I spend too much time wrapped up in fiction and miss my real life, but I’ve learned to keep my time more separate so now it’s just good to have a healthy hobby that makes me happy. Also I’m definitely a much better writer for it, and there a lot of networking skills I think translate to real workplace skills so it’s 👌

15. How has rp changed you personally?

See above, tbh. And it gives me a lot of good outlets for writing ideas that would otherwise stew in my head until I hated myself for never ever writing any lmao. It’s good.

16. If you could change one thing about rp on tumblr, what would it be? Why?

Oh, I dunno. I wish I could post replies from mobile more easily, god. That’d keep me a lot more on top of my drafts lmao.

17. Have you ever sent a message to yourself on anon? Why?

Not on any of the rp blogs. ;^)

18. Have you ever sent hate to yourself on anon? Why?

No, wtf

19. Do you delete anon hate or post and address it? Why?

Depends on the hate — things I feel need to be addressed or I want to be clear about not tolerating I’ll post. Personal hate and mean shit I delete.

Or if it’s stupid and makes me laugh I will definitely post that shit.

20. Have you ever felt pressured to write something you weren’t comfortable with?

Sometimes. If a partner is actually pressuring me I’m real good at saying uhhh hey, fuck off about that? but sometimes partners will perfectly-innocently be enthusiastic about things I’m not super comfortable with and that’s harder to bring up. So it’s..... more like I pressure myself, whoops.

21. Have you ever followed someone because you felt like you had to, not because you wanted to?

Ehh. Not really. Sometimes I’ll follow a friend of a friend despite lack of interest just because, like.... My friends are smart and good, maybe I’m just not getting the right “vibe” from their blog as who really they are. Sometimes that just means we never click and I unfollow them later. Or sometimes @rumdaydreams drags me straight to mutual hell and we write 20,000 unfinished bullshit and meet irl and she actually talks me into wholeass new blogs and muses. So, you know. Mix bag.

22. What would make you block someone?

Red flags for manipulation and lowgrade emotional a.buse, especially ones I viscerally feel in my stomach from previous experiences. Obvious r.ight-leaning politics ( Weirdly, I’m not particularly comfortable around people who don’t think I or my friends deserve to be treated like human beings! A character quirk, haha! )

Also ngl sometimes I block people just to remind myself I’ve followed them before and I don’t wanna re-follow them six times and look like I’m trying to intentionally harass them. My memory is bad but the block button always knows, lmao. 😅

23. Have you ever stolen something from someone else?

Not intentionally — I try very hard not to steal hc from duplicates or take plots without asking. But, y’know, sometimes an idea sticks in your head and you eventually just forget where it originally came from.

24. Have you ever had something stolen from you? If so, how did you handle it?

Not that I’m aware of.

25. Are you open to duplicates? Why / why not?

Absolutely, for the most part! I like seeing other perspectives, and especially since @thewrongsorts is such a bigass multi it lowkey just makes my life easier.

There are a few exceptions — less because they’re duplicates and more because there are hc/fanon I just......dislike enough I don’t wanna write with them. Not a feeling that’s limited to duplicates tbh.

26. How do you feel about vague posting?

Ehhh. It’s like not a great thing, but I get the appeal. I tend to unfollow if someone posts a lot of it because then they’re just passive-aggressive as a person, but the occasional vagueblog I don’t mind. Sometimes you gotta get shit off your chest but you don’t wanna make it a wholeass call-out, I get it.

27. Do you follow people even if they don’t follow you back?

Generally I unfollow. I’m here to write, if we’re not interacting it’s clogging my dash. ( Honestly I unfollow mutuals eventually if we never write.... ) But very occasionally someone’s got such good #takes and hc that I stick around just bc I stan.

28. Do you read people’s rules before following or interacting?

A l w a y s.

29. What is your opinion on “reblog karma” and do you practice it?

It’s nice! Like.... I wouldn’t require anyone to do it, but it makes people feel better about their blogs, it’s polite. I know I’m happier getting memes as well as passing them along. You know, be social. Connect with people. I always try to practice it, yeah.

30. How have you responded to popular slang used on tumblr? Do you use it in every day life? Do you use it at all?

Uhhh, yeah. My irl social circles are a lot of dumb gay millennials, we use a lot of dumb internet slang.

31. Is there something you don’t know the meaning of but you haven’t asked anyone because you think it’s supposed to be general knowledge?

Oh yeah! Joined Tumblr rpc ten years late with Starbucks! But also like.... I’m a web developer. 90% of my irl workskills are being good at Googlin’ shit. So I’ve pretty much always found the answer on my own, at least. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

32. Was there ever something you had to ask someone to explain?

( See above. )

33. Have you ever experienced discrimination?

Here or irl or....? I mean yes in any case, but much less often in the rpc specifically. This blog is a lot less outspoken ( both about politics or about who I....am....generally ) than most of my others or me irl.

Shoutout to that time I complained one (1) time about how copacetic the H.arry P.otter rpc is and an actual irl n.eon.azi jumped in my inbox lmaooooooo.

34. How do you feel about personal blogs following your rp blog?

Uhhh, I don’t love it? But if they mostly chill and don’t fuck with my actual threads I usually ignore them. ¯\_( ‘ ‘ )_/¯

35. Have you ever cried while writing a reply?

No. I’m not like......good at crying. 😐

36. Do you read other people’s threads or do you only read your own?

Depends on the blog. Some multis I follow are in fandoms I just like don’t even understand, so I don’t read those. Sometimes I just don’t got the energy. But I read a lot of my friends’ other threads or threads on blogs I stan.

Good writing is good shit and I’m.....a big 👀 bitch. Tbh.

37. What’s one thing that other people seem to hate that doesn’t bother you?

Call-out posts, bringing real life politics into rp, generally acknowledging that we have lives outside of the fictional world that affect how we read and interact with fiction.

( 👏 The O.rder 👏👏 of the 👏 P.hoenix 👏👏 is A.ntif.a 👏👏👏 )

I don’t want to ever push that onto other people though, definitely. (Especially people affected by terrifying irl politics and coming here for escapism. )

38. How do you feel about tagging triggers? Do you tag them? How do you determine what is triggering content and what isn’t?

Always 👏👏 tag 👏👏 fucking 👏 triggers 👏👏👏

I tag things that are common or obviously upsetting, and if someone asks I add whatever tags they need to my list — the “list” is mostly a mental tally so I occasionally fuck up, but god I feel strongly about triggers.

Let 👏 people 👏 who are hurting 👏👏 live. 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

39. What advice would you give to someone new to rp?

Poking around to see how other people seem to “operate” and scrolling through posts about how to get started is so so so fucking helpful! Don’t be afraid to do it!

Also reach out to people as much as you can work up the spoons to. If they’re rude back to you, like..... They were never worth your time anyhow. You dodged a bullet.

( Value yourself 2k19 )

#i clearly numbered something wrong in there but uhhhhh oh well.#jeanette tag #answered #ask games #mun stuff #rpc #lonnnnngass post #under the cut #long post for ts #oh jeannete i.....love you #icb i answered all of these #what a day to be alive #icb i ended up tagging kate in this TWICE #kate tag #ltbroccoli

21 notes · View notes

tryingthisfangirlthing · 6 years

Text

Like an Explosion in Slow Motion

Myka has been through all kinds of hell due to the Warehouse; what they don't tell you is that it's hell when it's gone, too.

Rating: Either a high Teen or low Mature. References to sex but nothing graphic, some sensuality Word Count: ~5.5k Contains: Myka/Pete (but they break up), angst, hints of Bering and Wells, the Warehouse is gone and everything hurts, the Warehouse family falls apart, did I mention Angst?

Many, many thanks go to the lovely @tinknevertalks for looking over this for me, poking me to write a proper ending, and just generally making sure the mess that was the first draft of this was not inflicted upon the general public. You're the best. <3

Also on AO3

She can't point to one instant when the chain reaction started, not even in hindsight. Maybe it was the moment the new cornerstone was struck, but maybe it was the moment Paracelsus was unbronzed, or maybe even the moment one of her normal cells split and began to mutate into a tumor, or maybe… In the end, it doesn't really matter what sets off the bomb, not to those who are caught in the blast.

It hits Artie first. Slowly, slowly, as the very back aisle begins to fade from view to god-knows-where (and they won't tell them, won't tell the people from the past about the future, to keep them from trying to muscle in on it, she supposes), he stops going near those back aisles. Stops going anywhere where he can see that gap. When that gap gets wide enough to be visible from his office, he pulls the shutters down over the windows, and keeps them closed.

Claudia starts disappearing, suddenly, more and more, arriving often in the company of Mrs. Frederic (though the latter never stays). “Where do you keep going?” Myka asks her, softly, one day, in the B&B over a quiet lunch. “I thought you didn't want to be Caretaker.” “So did I.” A quiet wry, smile, precious in its rarity, because she is hardly ever quite so sincere or still. “But the Warehouse is my home, you know, and I feel like — like it's a part of me, and I'm a part of it, and I just can't — I can't leave. I'll be an agent for as long as I can, and then when I can't —” She lifts one shoulder, and her smile turns almost beatific, serene, with the knowledge and wisdom of many many years beyond Claudia’s age behind it. An alien gesture, on Claudia; everything is changing, absolutely everything, the members of Myka’s little Warehouse family included. Her heart cracks. “I can't explain it. I’ll stay with the Warehouse, and it’ll stay with me.” “I'm — I'm glad for you, Claud.” She is; she really is. “That you know what you want, and you're — moving towards it. I'm proud of you.” Claudia ducks her head, a little bashful, the girl Myka knows again. “I can’t really take any credit. In the Warehouse, things just sort of happen to you, you know?” She does know.

With his partner away, and Artie avoiding setting foot on more and more sections of the Warehouse floor, shelving and inventory falls mostly to Steve. He bears it with his natural quiet, with a sort of stoicism Myka both envies and doesn't. “I could take over for a while,” she offers, one day. “You go on retrieval with Pete, and I can stay here and keep things running. It's not fair that you're stuck here so much.” He smiles at her, tired and terribly melancholy. “No, you and Pete are a team. And I kind of prefer it here. I'm not reminded of — anything,” and he gestures vaguely, “So often.” “Okay.” And she understands, even if she doesn't really know what he's talking about. “But if you ever change your mind.” He nods, and his inhale seems a little lighter, a little less weight on his shoulders. “Thank you, Myka.” “You're welcome.” She brushes her fingers over his arm, a brief gesture intended to offer comfort where there isn't really any to be had, and leaves.

She and Pete can pretend, for the most part, that everything is normal. At least on the surface. Or at least they try. He still eats anything remotely edible in sight (which was very bad the time they were looking for that batch of Kinder Eggs) and she still argues with him over the music in the car (she wants opera, he likes Nickelback) and they still get rooms with two separate twin beds. But then they'll bag an artifact that belongs in one of the missing sections, and they’ll have to go down to the empty section of the Warehouse, and put it inside a goo-slathered box, and then as soon as the box is shut it will vanish right before their eyes. And Pete kisses her, when they get to the door of the B&B (because they both take her “never at work” seriously). He's gentle about it, and it's nice, and then she’ll let him walk her backwards up to his bedroom, and there’s nothing normal about that. Sometimes, they have sex, which is a little weird, and sometimes they don't have sex, which is even weirder: start and stop, driven by the strangeness of it all, the is-this-even-happening, and sometimes she stops it and sometimes he does, and sometimes they don't even start. (And God, she’s happy those nights, too, maybe happiest, because everything is wrong in so many tiny ways but at least she still has her partner beside her.)

Usually, she tries not to think of Helena. There's the occasional e-mail, utterly mundane things. Furniture restoration, Victorian recreation had been Helena’s most recent venture. Now Giselle has a job in New York (State) and Helena is going to try her hand at writing a book again. I fear I will always be a restless soul in this world, she writes, of it, and yet still so utterly alien. You just need to find yourself again in the now, Myka writes. That sentence doesn't even make grammatical sense; she immediately deletes it.

The Regents come for Artie, one day. Or at least that's how Steve tells it, when they get back from Capetown: that Kosan just walked in one day, while he and Artie were talking stock, and Kosan just greeted him and nodded, and Artie just stood up and walked out with him. “‘Take care of the Warehouse, Agent Jinks,’ he said, ‘It won’t be much longer now.’” “Do you think he’s gonna be a Regent?” Pete asks. “I mean, they are kind of short on them, I think, given all that's happened…” “He'd like that.” Myka decides, for her own peace of mind, that that's what’s happened.

She overhears Pete on the phone, as she slips downstairs after her shower. “But Mom, can't you —” He stops, listens, and starts again. “No, you don't know what the Warehouse means to me! To me and Myka, to us! I can't — and it'll be a help to have experienced agents break in the newbies, right? That can only be a good thing.” More quiet, as Jane responds. “Just for a little while?” Space for another response, brief, and then the sound he makes isn't quite human. It's a stage of grief, bargaining. She turns the corner, and approaches him. He hangs up, and swipes at his red-rimmed eyes with the back of his hand. “We can't expect special treatment.” It comes out all wrong, like a rebuke instead of the sympathy she intends. She tries to soften it. “But there's nothing wrong with trying. Do you want a hug?” “Yeah.” And he staggers into her arms. “I'm sorry.” Myka rubs a hand over his back. She loves him, she does, and she hates seeing him like this.

The H.G. Wells aisle fades out. Myka tries not to notice. At least her grappler doesn't leave with it.

She comes across Claudia in the office one day, sitting at the computer, typing away. And it's almost like normal, except for that little black box she recognizes as an external hard drive. “Has that been approved?” she asks, instead of a greeting. Claudia spins around, and they both grin a little sheepishly at each other. “Hey, Claud. It's good to see you.” “You caught that, huh? I'm making a backup of the database, in case something goes screwy in the moving. First move since computers were invented, after all. And I miiight be taking a copy of the ping system home with me to tweak a bit in my spare time. See if I can't improve artifact detection time. Maybe.” Incorrigible. But if anyone can do it, and keep the project secure, she can. “You're going to run a very different Warehouse to the one Mrs. Frederic does, that's for sure.” “I'm going to run a different Warehouse to the one Artie did,” Claudia corrects her, and finger-guns. Myka laughs, for what feels like the first time in a long while.

Somewhere in between all of this, Myka starts packing her things, pulls out the “M.O.B.” crate and carefully wraps up the more delicate items: her CDs, the antique books, the picture frames. Sometimes, she tears up. There's never any good way of saying goodbye.

Abigail and Steve leave next. There’s only about two days’ worth of the Warehouse left, and any incoming pings are put into a holding queue for the next agents to take care of. Abigail just disappears during the night, and the next morning the B&B holds no trace of her, save a small note in the middle of the kitchen counter, as if she’d just gone out for her morning jog. I'm sorry I wasn't able to say goodbye. I wish you all the best, and please reach out if you need a therapist or someone to talk to. The note is signed with a nearly incomprehensible e-mail address. It's probably a little tragic, that this doesn't really surprise her. Typical Regent cloak-and-dagger. It’s a shame; she liked Abigail. “You want to head over with me or with Pete?” Myka asks Steve, keys jingling between her fingers. He’s an early riser like her, but he prefers to take his mornings slow, so it's generally a toss-up as to whom he'll go into work with. “Actually, I'm not going back to the Warehouse.” Steve sets his mug of tea on the counter, and watches her reaction. “I'm going back to the ATF. I might try things with Liam again.” She gulps in a breath with surprising difficulty, like the wind has been knocked out if her. “That's… I'm really glad for you, Steve. Uhm, do you need — do you need any help taking your things anywhere?” “No, I already took my things down to the post office for shipping last week. But thanks.” It is senseless to want what we cannot have, his mug reads. “Is that new?” She points to the mug. Why he'd have gotten that for himself when the B&B has plenty of dishware eludes her… though it is very him. “Personalized?” He arches his eyebrows a little wryly, smiling as he regards the ceramic. “No, I just found it in the front of the cupboard this morning.” One more slice of the sort of everyday magic you get so used to here. They smile at each other. “I'm really gonna miss you.” “Me, too.” He sets down his tea, and she hugs him, tightly. “Don't be a stranger.”

Pete still hasn't even started packing. It itches at her, as she sees at all his things still strewn around his room. But she does her best to be gentle. “Putting things off doesn't make them any easier,” she tells him that night, softly. “Tomorrow,” he says, “I'll do it tomorrow.” She doesn't think he will. “Thanks for being patient with me, Mykes.” “Of course.” It doesn't feel self-evident, all her patience, not any more. At least he appreciates it.

But there isn't a “tomorrow.” They wake up, get ready, drive to the Warehouse together — though they have no clue what they might do there — and it's gone. The place is the right one. That flat, dusty depression they walked across every day for the past five years, is exactly as she remembers it. Except that there's no Warehouse there anymore. “You think the football is still hanging around?” Pete asks. She laughs, at the absurdity of the small things they focus on to ignore the large ones, laughs so as not to cry. (They wait, just to see if it is. The sky stays empty.)

At the end of their return trip, a “For Sale” sign crouches at the beginning of the B&B drive, with matching crates beside it. She pulls over, gasping in a breath. “It's really gone, Pete. All of it.” Her voice is wet, and so are her eyes. He kisses her, and they cry; his sobs wrack his entire body, while her tears stream silently down her cheeks.

She doesn't know how long they sit there, in quiet mourning; it doesn't really matter, anyways. She hasn't sent her things anywhere yet, because she doesn't know where to send them to. They could go back to Colorado Springs, but that’s not where she wants to go. She doesn't know where she wants to go. Where does anyone go when their home isn’t there anymore? “I guess we still have jobs with the Secret Service.” She toys with the idea out loud. It seems flat, now, flat and bleak and lifeless, but everything else seems just as much if not more so. “I guess we do.” He looks at her, and she looks at him, and she unlocks the trunk.

They're not put back on protection detail, not right away. They're investigating, potential threats. And it's good to still work with him, good to still be putting her skills to use, but there's little of the same adrenaline and none of the wonder. She moves into his apartment, because his place is bigger and why not? The previous Myka Bering, the Myka Bering most people here still vaguely remember, would have laughed outright at the idea that she could ever be with Pete Lattimer. It's unsettling to have your own ghost haunting your footsteps.

“I think—” Pete kisses her as he backs her towards the bedroom. “We should celebrate—” another kiss — “bagging that guy.” “I don't know, Pete.” She rests her hands on his lapels, turning her head slightly to the side. “It doesn't feel like much to celebrate.” “We stopped someone who was going to try to set off a bomb!” “Yeah, and it probably wouldn't have gone off either way.” She sighs, and offers him a tired smile. “At least he's getting help, now.” “Yeah.” Pete rests his forehead against her temple, brushing his lips over her cheek. “Feels a little like the old days, helping people, saving the world.” Pulling back, he offers her that boyish grin, the one she can't help but smile back at. “You know, after some of those cases, I always wondered what it would be like if you and me —” “Okay, no! I do not need to hear your — fantasies — about —” But she's his girlfriend, shouldn't she want — she punches him in the arm, instead of trying any further to find words, to piece apart her thoughts. His eyes darken. “I know you know what that does to me.” “I know.” And he wants her, and she loves him, and it’s easy to let him have her (even if it still feels like something is missing).

It was sweeping round swiftly and steadily, this flaming death, this invisible, inevitable sword of heat. I perceived it coming towards me by the flashing bushes it touched, and was too astounded and stupefied to stir. “Morning, babe,” he mumbles, as he shuffles to the counter where she's left his mug of coffee to cool. She doesn't look up from The War of the Worlds she's reading with her cereal. “Morning.” I heard the crackle of fire in the sand-pits and the sudden squeal of a horse that was as suddenly stilled. Then it was as if an invisible yet intensely heated finger were drawn— “How come I'm always the one to start the sex?” he asks, the words sleep-slurred, so it takes her a moment to really register them. “Wait, what?” Sharp, because he wants to bring this up now? When they have to leave for work (she has to drag his butt out the door) in half an hour? “‘Start the sex’ isn't even an actual phrase—” “Mykes.” His morning ‘dial it down’ gesture. “Just let me.” She lifts her hands, nodding for him to continue. “Sorry.” “How come you don't ever really seem to want to have sex with me? I mean, am I doing something wrong? You used to tell me when what I was doing wasn't working for you.” It sounds practiced, far too clear for usual him at this hour. How long has this been on his mind? “What? No, you're fine, you're doing perfectly — perfectly fine. No complaints.” He makes sure she comes at least once, and he cares about her pleasure, and it might not be mind-blowing but she really, really has no complaints. — were drawn through the heather between me and the Martians— “Well, that's hardly a five-star review,” he mutters. She sighs, and finally gives up on reading. “Well, what do you want me to say? ...Never mind, don't answer that. We need to get going.” He stuffs a doughnut in his mouth, and she suppresses a cringe.

It's harder to ignore all the little things, when it's just the two of them. When she doesn't even have her own room to retreat to. The crumbs on the counter, how he wants to keep her up half the night and waste half the morning dozing, not just sometimes but every. single. weekend. She reads beside him while he plays his Halo or Diablo or Super Mario Brothers, but it doesn't feel cozy or family-like, like it did when Leena was baking in the kitchen and Artie was playing the piano and Claudia alternated between cheering Pete on, giving him advice, and worming her way into yet another top-secret database from her laptop balanced precariously on the arm of the sofa. Now, it just feels disconnected, like two puzzle pieces missing the bits in between.

Steve is settling in fine with the ATF again, and to hear him tell it things are going well enough with Liam. She hopes he isn't just putting on a good face, but then she's never known him to lie. The tone is just a little melancholy, that's all. Her emails probably sound the same.

She finds a message in her inbox one day, from “Next Generation,” no subject, no sender address. There's not much to it, just Claudia assuring Myka she's okay, and she’ll be fine in the future, too, and she hopes Myka’s doing well. Somehow, Myka knows this will be the last she hears from Claudia. Say hi to H.G. for me, the next time you see her. I think you should talk with her soon. I know she'd love to hear more from you. Myka wonders just how close the two of them are — or were, or still are? — and an irrational stab of jealousy threatens to gut her.

“Emily Lake” is publishing a new book, or so she writes Myka in her latest e-mail. Indulge me setting up this little game, darling. I shan't tell you the title, nor my pen name, because I'd like to see how long you take to pick it out. I'm quite certain you'll know it when you see it. This feels wrong, too. I thought we were supposed to solve puzzles together, and no matter how hard she tries she can't make that sound any less whiny. She hates it, but she leaves it in. And she starts scouring bookstores.

Twisted Time and Sparks Afly, she sees one day, by Eileen G. Wellington. A dark-haired seductress stares out at her from the cover, a far-too familiar stunner weapon in her hand and her chin lifted in something like a dare. It’s tucked onto a corner stand in a shelf, instead of put out in the center of the window like it belongs. Myka buys it without even looking at the synopsis.

“Come to bed, babe.” It's not a demand or a plea, but maybe a little of both. She looks up from the book, slowly untucking her legs from beneath her in the armchair. “What time is it?” She hasn't lost herself in a book like this in a long time, but this is the very best of H.G. Wells and better. She can see so much of Helena in this, Helena now, and a new side of her, in this story about someone from the past who wakes up to an incomprehensible future. “I don't know, two, three in the morning? Way too late. Or early. Or both. Time to sleep. Usually you're the one talking about work tomorrow.” Pete rambles when he's tired and has to speak anyways. “Oh god! Sorry, I just… book.” She gestures at the cover, and he nods. It's nice, to have that kind of shorthand figured out with someone. The one person who knows you better than anyone else, and maybe that someone is Pete now. (Or maybe it still isn't, because she just wants to finish reading.)

“This isn't gonna work out, is it, Mykes?” he asks, in the car on their way to their latest person of interest’s residence. There's no recrimination in the question, no self-pity, just a bone-deep sort of sorrow. “What do you mean? This investigation?” She knows, though, or at least she thinks she might. “Us.” He gestures between them. “This. Our relationship.” “What makes you say that?” She can't — she just can't. He's her partner. “You're not happy. Not like you were.” Gently, he says this, like he needs to ease her into the idea. “And I care about you, and I want you to be happy.” “Of course I'm not happy, Pete! It's not like it used to be!” She doesn't know where this vehemence is coming from; this isn't like her. “I'm sorry.” She forces herself to be quieter. “I miss it all, you know?” “Of course I know.” He sounds mildly insulted, like he doesn't know how she could think otherwise. “I didn't mean it like that.” And it's snippy and also not her. “I know.” Bitterness lurks there, somewhere. “A-are you mad at me, or at the world? Or at yourself?” She shakes her head at him, because she cannot stand this passive-aggressive bullshit, and it's not like him either. Road noise fills the silence, as the seconds stretch into double digits and she can see him really thinking it over. “I think I'm a little mad at everything, right now.” She isn't sure if he means it as a confession, or if it's a revelation to him as well. Another pause, and then, “We aren't good for each other, are we? Not like this.” She doesn't want to say it, doesn't want to admit that even this isn't right any longer. “I guess we're not.” He pulls over, and for the second time that spring they cry together in the car. They may have survived the blast, but they’re breaking apart on impact.

She moves out as soon as she can, puts her things in storage and puts her resignation in with the Secret Service. There are far too many ghosts here, ghosts and scars and stumbling blocks. She needs a clean break, needed it months ago. Maybe, just maybe, she understands a little better now what Helena did.

She tries to find the words to talk about Helena’s book to her, tries and fails. I did recognize it the moment I saw it, is all she says, finally, on that topic. Where are you living right now? I'd like to visit you. I'm not sure that's a good idea, Helena replies. But she gives an address anyways.

Myka is not the kind to just show up on people’s doorsteps, but it really does seem like Helena is the exception. Except it's not Helena who answers the door, it's a different woman, petite and olive-skinned, with dark curls tumbling over her shoulders. “Uhm, hi, is — is —” Myka really wants to avoid a repeat of the Nate thing; she isn't here with the Warehouse, just looking for a friend. “Does she still go by Emily?” The woman — Giselle, Myka guesses — wrinkles her brow, and glances back inside the apartment. “Hel? I think she wants you.” “She?” And then there's Helena in the foyer, drying her hands on her jeans, and when their gazes meet Myka could swear she pales and flushes at the same time. “Myka! I —” She glances at… her girlfriend, Myka forces herself to think, though it feels like swallowing chunk of ice just a little too large. “We weren't expecting you.” “No, we certainly weren't.” Giselle arches an eyebrow at Helena, but extends her hand. “Hi, I'm Giselle.” “Yeah, she's told me about you.” Myka shakes her hand. She’s happy for the both of them, really, she is. “I’m Myka. It's great meet you.” “I haven't heard a thing about you yet.” Giselle glances at Helena again. “To hear her talk, you'd think she'd met no one and done nothing until she became a forensic scientist in the middle of nowhere, Wisconsin.” “I told you, darling, I spent a great deal of time with books. There isn't much there to tell.” And if Myka didn't know better herself, she might just believe her. “You don't get up to much with a roommate-slash-research-partner, I promise. Myka, do come in.” “Thanks.” She wipes her shoes, and offers a polite smile that maybe comes out more of a grimace, and they all shuffle out of the narrow foyer. “Roommate like her? Damn, Hel, you did know you were gay back then, right?” She doesn't whisper quite quietly enough, not for Myka, who has been conditioned to listen for strange quiet voices where you least expect them. “Sorry, know you were bi already.” “I've been well aware of my ‘bisexuality,’” and she says the word like she's still getting used to the taste of it, “for far, far longer than you, I'll wager.” Helena doesn't bother to keep her voice down. “I told you, I realized I was gay in, like, fourth grade.” It sounds like an old back-and-forth. “And I keep telling you, I realized I loved women as well as men in 1884.” Giselle lets out some small grunt of frustration. “Fine, don't tell me. Again.” Myka shouldn't be happy that Giselle doesn't know everything, but her stomach flutters a little nonetheless.

“Did she do this thing back in college, too?” Giselle asks, accompanied by the quiet snick of her knife through carrot. “This ‘I'm from the Victorian Era’ joke? Like, sometimes it's cute in a quirky way —” charming, Myka mentally corrects, the word you're looking for is dangerously charming, “and sometimes it just drives me absolutely nuts. I had to sneak a look at her driver’s license to figure out her actual birthday.” “I did tell you it was the 12th of August.” Helena pushes the noodles and onions around in the wok. “And I’m right here, in case you’d forgotten.” “Yeah, but then you always followed it up with ‘1868.’” Giselle reaches for a bell pepper. “And I’ve already told you this, so now I’m telling Myka.” She glances towards where Myka stands just outside of the small kitchen area. “You know, sometimes I half-believe it, like her knowledge of the time period is phenomenal, and she still acts like the refrigerator and microwave are these new and amazing inventions. But, I mean.” She waves her knife dismissively, a gesture that makes Myka clench. Giselle and H.G. have a similar disregard for safety, that’s for sure. “There's no such thing as immortality. Or, like, time travel.” Yes, there is, Myka wants to say. On both accounts. Some form of it anyway. She glances at Helena; their gazes slide together, and linger. There’s a sort of helpless indulgence, of people who just can't know, and it's good to have someone around who does know, a shared secret, a quiet bond. When Myka looks back at Giselle, the other girl is watching Helena and her, brow wrinkled. Myka’s been asked a question. “Yeah, Helena’s been doing that for as long as I've known her.” “I don't know if I should be relieved it's not just me, or worried.” Giselle laughs, ducking her head, a little wryly, and then nudges Helena with her hip as she adds the vegetables to the pot. “Gorgeous weirdo.” “I think that's a compliment...” Helena nudges back once Giselle is finished, perhaps a little harder than necessary. Myka is quick to reassure her, “It is.”

It's a small apartment, with a fairly open floor plan, so of course Myka sees part of and hears most of their goodbye. She turns her back, wandering to the far side of the living room to try to give them some privacy. But if you're trying so hard not to hear something… “We need to talk, Hel. I'm serious. I've been trying to give you your space and privacy, but I don't like things — people — being hidden from me. Tomorrow, or sometime this weekend, maybe.” “I didn't hide her from you. I did say I kept up with some old friends via e-mail. I never really expected her to just—” Myka can almost hear Helena shaking her head. “But you're right, I should have.” Sometimes, just sometimes Myka wants to be just as damn cocky as H.G. was: if some small part of you didn't want me here, you would never have given me your address. But she won't. She's never been that sort of person (except “never” and “that sort of person” seem to flee out the window when Helena enters the room). “We'll talk about that, too. Later. Go see your guest now.” “Wait,” Helena demands, and then there's the sound of someone being backed against the door, a muffled, needy whimper, and it's seventeen long seconds before Myka finally hears, “Now you can go.” “Bitch,” Giselle mutters, but there's plenty of affection and no trace of venom. The door opening and closing, the click of a latch, and then Helena returns, one hand on her hip and running her fingers through her hair. Myka is suddenly lost for words.

“So.” Helena makes the word almost an entire sentence as she settles on the couch beside Myka, close, but not too close. Expectation hovers in the air (in her aura, Leena might have said, and maybe that was what an aura actually was). “So, this whole ‘I'm from the Victorian Era’ thing?” It's not what she came here to talk about, but it's the easiest. Helena exhales, slowly, and leans back. “Oh, I know it's ridiculous. No one believes I'm actually over a century old, and my official documents say 1979. I just…” She stares at the ceiling, shaking her head minutely, the way she does when she's searching for words. “I knew I needed to do something differently this time. This way feels a little bit less like lying.” Myka hums, and it's not assent or dissent, just sympathy. “I guess it's hard.” She looks down at her hands, runs them down to her knees. “Of course it's difficult.” Helena snaps the edges of the consonants between her teeth, leaving them sharp, jagged. “Myka, look at me.” Despite herself, Myka glances up at her. “What did you come here for?” Myka swallows, and glances away again. When she finally finds the words, they crack wetly in the back of her throat. “How did you do it? Just — leave the Warehouse behind? How can you — I'm so lost without it.” It's a relief, to get it out, all of it, to someone who isn't struggling alongside her. “Pete and I, we're not — we just don't work without the Warehouse. Claudia’s gone, just — gone. I'll probably never see her again. Artie’s gone, too, and so is Abigail. I think — I think Steve’s doing okay, but I can't know, and we're all trying, but you can't just — forget, endless wonder like that.” Helena chokes out some mangled parody of a laugh. “Of course you can't forget. It's senseless to even try.” “You managed to get away.” And it's partially an accusation, one she didn't mean to level here and now, one she ends up voicing anyways. “You really think —” Disbelief floods Helena’s tone. “For God’s sake, Myka — Nate broke things off, Adelaide’s —” She shakes her head. “You're here. I haven’t the slightest idea what will happen with Giselle after this — that I'm here, in this time, at all —!” Gesturing demonstratively, she meets Myka’s gaze, as if that's supposed to help her understand. Myka doesn't. Helena licks her lips, and tries again. “That's the downside of the Warehouse, Myka. It might destroy you, drive you mad, or abandon you —” and they both know the Warehouse is something alive, something sentient — “but it never, ever lets you go.” Myka shakes her head. “That can't be — there has to be something. Something you can do, something —” She doesn't even know what she wants to happen; she doesn't want to forget, but remembering hurts, too. “If there is any solution,” Helena says quietly as she shifts closer, lays an arm around Myka’s shoulders, pulls her into a gentle hug Myka didn’t realize she’s been starving for, “I haven't found it yet.”

There’s a crater where the rest of her life used to be, and too much is broken, and she doesn't even know where to begin to pick up the pieces. But she's not alone, and sometimes you just have to stumble forwards from wherever you’ve landed. She starts composing an email to the address Abigail left.

#warehouse 13 #rinari's fic #myka bering #i don't know what else to tag this #any ship tags would feel dishonest #bering and wells #myka x hg #myka x pete #angst #explosion imagery #family falling apart #the warehouse is gone and everything hurts #this is That™ fic #which is not in the sense I meant it a year or so ago #surprisingly i am not yet a smut writer for this fandom and that needs to change :p

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lalka-laski · 4 years

Text

Are you disrespectful to a lot of people? Not at all. In fact, I often give respect to people who don’t deserve it. When was the last time someone called you pretty? Yesterday Do you like the color pink? Do you know me?! Are you in your pajamas at the moment? I wish. But sadly, I’m at work. On Facebook, do you have people listed as your siblings who aren’t really your siblings? Glenn’s sister, who will be my sister-in-law in a few years anyways so it’s not far-fetched

Doesn’t it annoy you when couples post things to each other’s wall on Facebook that are all mushy and gross and NO ONE CARES? I don’t know many couples at my age who still do that. But even if I did, I can’t imagine I’d spend that much energy caring. Does your cell phone have a case on it? What color? Mhm. It’s floral and clear, so you can see the rose gold color of my phone So what do you think about Chris Brown now? He can eat shit. That man doesn’t deserve peace, let alone a fucking career. What was the last song you had on repeat? Mmm... honestly I’m not sure. Something from Imploding the Mirage I’m sure. Ever kissed someone your parents hated? Not hated, but disliked I’m sure. What do you think about your cousins? I have three actual first cousins and I’ve always wished I was closer to them. I know I could take initiative but it requires a mutual effort. Do you think the name Sage is for boys or girls? I guess it could be gender-neutral. ANY name could be, actually. Do you have a favorite radio station? I haven’t listened to the radio in AGES Do you ever save things as a draft or a note in your phone so you can remember them later? I have WAY too many random notes in my phone. But I can’t bring myself to delete most of them. They’re memories, no matter how strange! Do you use Sharpies often? Hardly What didn’t you get for Christmas that you asked for? I don’t ask for anything for Christmas anymore Any weird fears? People always think my fear of ladybugs is weird? I don’t understand how other people don’t find them disgusting! Would you say that you’ve become more of a slut or less of a slut since a year ago? I was in a committed relationship then and I’m in a committed relationship now. Are you older or younger than most of your friends? Mmm.. most of us are within a year of each other, so I don’t really count that as an age difference. Does anyone you know exaggerate a lot? Myself, but Glenn might have me beat on that. Him and his entire family are kinda notorious for that. What are your plans for your next birthday? My birthday was a few months ago so I have a loooong time to plan for that How are your nails? I just got them done two days ago so they’re great. I went for an autumnal mauve. Your most recent ex says he/she hates you, you say? On what grounds? How is life going for you right now? It’s pretty great. I’ve come to a few key realizations lately that I think are necessary for moving myself forward. I’m happy about them. Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth? I don’t think so. Have you met anyone new lately? Besides clients at work. nope What color are your eyes? Green Look to your right what do you see? A box of tissues and a bottle of hand sanitizer Are you drifting away from your best friend? No way Would you feel hurt if your last ex was in a relationship? Not at all. He’s irrelevant to me but I’d still wish him the best. If someone you wanted before came back now, would you take them? That’s happened to me countless times before and it’s never as gratifying as I hope. If it happened now, I obviously wouldn’t since I’m dating my soulmate. If given the chance, go back to fix a past regret or take a million dollars? I’m happy with where I am in life and all the lessons I’ve learned that brought me here. Plus I could REALLY use some money so hand it over!!

What’s more important, your pride or your life? My life I guess? I’m not sure how to answer this. Would the last person who texted you hurt you? Not intentionally Your ex is sitting next to you with their new partner, what do you do? Why so many ex-related questions? Anyways, I wouldn’t bat an eye. Do you have a reason to smile right now? Many! Have you ever had to choose between two people? Yes Last thing you drank was? Coffee What did you do last night? I chilled on the couch until it was time to relocate to chilling in bed ‘till I fell asleep. It was a WILD night, lemme tell ya Where is your mother? At home, I believe. Or out running errands. She’s probably at HomeGoods... ha Have you had sex today? Nope. Not only have I been at work since 6:45 am, but I’m on my period. So that activity will not be in today’s itinerary. Are you afraid of losing a boyfriend/girlfriend? The thought terrifies me but Glenn assures me it will never happen Do you have siblings? 2 sisters who are more like my best friends Last person, you talked to in person? The mail lady Do you think someone’s thinking about you? Possibly What made you the happiest today? My coffee has been delicious. Also the fact that it’s Saturday has me in good spirits! What is your hair looking like right now? It’s clipped up, but it looks pretty decent I guess Is tomorrow gonna be a good day? Yes! Glenn & I are gonna have an ice-cream date, then come home and spend the day cozy watching Sunday football! Are you currently wanting any piercings? Never Are you looking forward to something as of right now? I’m gonna have a pretty fun & relaxed weekend beginning in roughly 2.5 hours so... yes! Do you swallow gum when you’re done with it? Sometimes

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packernet · 4 years

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New Post has been published on https://www.packernet.com/blog/2020/01/17/the-nfl-isnt-rigged-were-just-better-than-you/

The NFL Isn't Rigged, We're Just Better Than You

Today’s episode of the Packernet Podcast looks at some news and notes, Shrine practice news, and some of the nonsense being spewed on the Twitters.

Transcript

8s – 1m 8s

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome once again to packernet podcast. I am your host at a resident panelist. That’s always Ryan Schlitz. Check it out online packernet.com. Find me on Twitter Pack underscore data. So today, we’ve got a good amount of stuff to talk about since we clear the board yesterday will follow the normal or today of getting the news and notes. She kind of stuff out of the way first and then getting to the juicy stuff after so there is a little bit of potential free agency news will get to injury news for the Packers and 49ers couple more meetings for the Green Bay Packers at The Shrine Bowl. We’ll talk about those couple of characters had some questions in the Facebook group that I was able to answer and then finally and again, this is a lot so I don’t know if we’re going to get through all of it, but the 49ers fans have been getting a little chippy and also had a Bears fan kind of pop off a little bit and that kind of went a little crazy. So

1m 8s – 2m 8s

Do you know why a big part of the reason I’m able to have a podcast cuz people don’t do the simple stuff like Googling it makes my job so easy because I just walk around and there’s this massive fist fight and I walk up and I’m like well, well what was going on here fellows and they’re like, well, he said this and I think this is what I think this has anybody looked it up and you look kind of threw their information like well, I wonder if there’s some information. Let me Google it. I’ll look here’s information that neither person seems to be bringing up in this argument look through the comments. Nobody’s mentioning. This number was mentioning this nobody looked it up. Nobody 74 comments plus the original fight. Not one person has Googled it. I’m so happy. Thank you so much. It just it just it makes it I’m serious. It makes me so happy. It’s what we call in the industry job security cuz as long as people start screaming about their feels I’m going to be

2m 8s – 2m 10s

how to do this in perpetuity

2m 11s – 3m 11s

There ain’t no end in sight. So by all means please whatever you do. Don’t Google anything. Let me be the ultimate Arbiter of all things. I let me be Google. If you ever have a thought don’t think let me just look it up just think what would pack daddy say and then ask me I’ll Google it and I’ll get the answer and then I’ll sound like a genius. I figured I’d take that route rather than just being condescending. I don’t think it’s pretty good. Right? I mean I was a little condescending but it wasn’t it was like indirectly condescending to baffling though. I don’t know. I had a tweet yesterday that you know, I don’t usually get a lot of traction on Twitter, but if you know, like several hundred retweets pay got the point. I literally do deleted the Tweet cuz I felt bad for the guy for the Bears guy who said something dumb and I like smack them with, you know Google and then I was like several hundred likes and retweets don’t like. Alright. Listen now, it’s just now I just feel bad. Let’s stop cuz that’s that’s the guy I am I’m all about Twitter until something starts to go viral and then I’m like, nope. Delete.

3m 11s – 4m 9s

Not doing this viral stuff. That’s the opposite of what you’re supposed to do, but I don’t care and I understand he’s a Bears fan and he deserved it. But at some point so I can write he gets it. He’s been kicked enough delete. So anyways another great resource by the way for information is the Packer that podcast Facebook groups and make sure you get in there people not afraid to give you their opinion sometimes rudely. So so if you’re into that not most of the time but it occasionally they’ll grow on you just get in there and ask question also packing a podcast Facebook page. So she would like over there something else. That’s cool. And I don’t know how long it’s going to continue but I found a very very cool way to get this these podcast transcribe and that has me so unbelievably excited. I can’t even tell you so as long as I’m able to do what I’m going to do everything I can to trim transcribe all 668 podcast living I deliberately didn’t tell anyone that episode 666 was a few days ago.

4m 10s – 4m 20s

Didn’t want anybody not listening cuz they’re superstitious but I’m going to get them all transcribed why I want the ability to look up stuff. I’ve said in the past go find those clips and be like, here’s what I said.

4m 21s – 5m 21s

Four and a half months ago super excited about that. If you want an example of that. I just posted an article on packernet.com. You can find it. It just has packing a podcast. It was from 2 days ago and there’s a way you can listen to it and then there’s the whole transcription right there. So you’ll actually be able to kind of do that not quite as easily, but if there’s something that I said if I do this and put it all on Packer now, you can say I remember he said this this one time you can search it on packernet and maybe it’ll come up and you’ll find the episode. I don’t know. I just I’m excited about it and I can tell him extra Ramsey today and I apologize what else patreon.com underscored adding a special. Thank you to Quinton for jumping on board with that. Remember I am doing a giveaway at the end of the month. So if you jump in or or give in anyway, $1 is 1 in to be able to go into the packet, I podcast store and take whatever you want one thing only but whatever you want otherwise iTunes 5 * iTunes review or sit review or whatever kind of review would be very greatly appreciated.

5m 21s – 6m 7s

And again, if you’re listening to this podcast look at your phone or whatever device you have if it does not say packernet podcast, please go find the pack and a podcast And subscribe to it. That would help me very much and lastly regardless of what happened Sunday regardless of what happens in the Super Bowl if we win on Sunday, I would just like to encourage you to please stick around because the podcast doesn’t end and the NFL season does not end by the way right after the Superbowl and I promise we’re not going to spend a lot of time on it will spend a little bit of time talking about it, which is probably not good for the XFL because they should be kind of typing this up. You got like 3 weeks dude. How does mr. Hype man? Jim McMahon not know how to Hype up the XFL. I don’t know. I haven’t seen it but the draft

6m 8s – 6m 13s

Free agency all kinds of goody. Anyways, that’s it. Let’s take a break and get a lot of stuff to get through.

6m 15s – 7m 14s

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7m 14s – 8m 14s

My listeners 20% off a full bottle of cryo freeze CBD pain relief roll on plus free shipping the discount also apply for any product on the entire site. So just go to omax health.com today and enter promo code overtime that Oma X health.com and enter code overtime to get 20% off cryofreeze and anything site-wide and as I’ve been telling you all this winter hasn’t been that bad. If you’re living up by me. It just got kind of bad everyday at lunch. I take walks yesterday hurt. It’s starting to get that point where the air just hurts also hurts when you slip and fall trying to get into your car. It’s bad enough. The air is hurting you. Now, you got the ground and your car when your legs smash into him hurting you is just everything just hurts and winter but you know what I did as I was laying there on my back under my car. I was daydreaming about baseball 75 degree weather birds chirping children laughing buzzers Bussey.

8m 15s – 9m 15s

I’m sorry, that was a low blow but really it’s just it’s it’s the ultimate just relax kind of vacation as much as I love the whole Disney thing and and the go go go theme park stuff. Just get out somewhere where it’s peaceful and you can relax just beautiful outdoor scenery baseball music great food fresh air and air that doesn’t hurt your face. If any of that sound appealing to you. I would encourage you to at least check out visit arizona.com spring training and see if it appeals to you. All right, so we’ll start from least important to most important number one. It is basically and it kind of was a foregone conclusion already, but apparently, you know that the other cool thing about stuff like the shrine game isn’t just the appeal to the draft. It’s the collection of media members and Scouts and everything else and you get certain people next to certain people and rumors start this world when you get some cool fun information apparently both sides.

9m 15s – 10m 15s

Both Le’Veon Bell and the Jets have come to the conclusion that it would be better off if Le’Veon Bell left. So it’s basically done and I get we kind of had a feeling that at the very least the Jets head coach didn’t want and apparently the Jets organization has back their coach and Le’Veon Bell has kind of come to the conclusion as his agent that they don’t want to be there anymore. So that’s something to watch out for now, you know, I don’t think this is going to impact the Packers directly in terms of him coming to Green Bay. That would be silly got a massive contract. The question is where is he going? And is it going to negatively affect us? Cuz the fact of the matter is Le’Veon Bell going to the judge is a good thing because the Jets are far away and we never really see them. Now. The great thing about Le’Veon Bell is he has a mass of contract so that the general thinking is if you’ve got a team with a very expensive quarterback and or a very expensive pass-rusher, you probably not going to want to pay a ton of money for a running back. So if we just thinking of C North we can rule out the pack

10m 15s – 11m 15s

Hours for the most part is that silly and we do have a very expensive quarterback in a fairly expensive pass-rusher. But I mean, you know, not that expensive Khalil Mack what two years ago set the market at like 25 million siderius got 17, but still when you when you couple the two it’s expensive the Minnesota Vikings unless they decide I mean it it just don’t have much money and the end and from what I’m hearing and we’re going to get into it. They’re kind of to the point now where they’re starting to look at cap casualties and bringing on guys like levy on Bell probably wouldn’t be that beneficial cuz they pay a ton of money to Kirk Cousins and there’s not a lot of wiggle room unless they extending which could happen if they extend him essentially they could chop up this fully guaranteed say offer him something that’s a little more flexible, which I’m assuming they could write Kirk Cousins just want a contract of some kind and the Vikings are kind of on the fence. Anyway, I don’t know. I just I don’t think that’s going to make it and they don’t need it right the light.

11m 15s – 12m 15s

Potentially could but they’ve got a guy that they like they have a fairly expensive quarterback. Although who knows what the future holds they’re the only team that maybe semi would make sense of the Bears or the Bears contract situation isn’t very good either and they have Khalil Mack so cuti end up on a team that we end up playing that could hurt us possibly. I don’t think he comes to the NFC North and that’s kind of the only thing I care about I’d like him to stay with the Jets cuz I get there just nothing team and Le’Veon Bell’s career is just going to not going to die there which you know, I don’t wish anything bad on Le’Veon Bell, but you know Packers come first, I’m sorry. He’s making money. That’s ultimately the goal. Right? So he’ll be fine. He’s out in New York is got a bunch of money life is good. He’s not bothering us but he’s probably going to be on the Move will see where he ends up and no he’s not coming to Green Bay the other things by the way to keep in mind is this is a pretty loaded running back draft class. So the Jets have a really tough sell. Here’s this running back who decided that he’s not going to stay with the Steelers win.

12m 15s – 13m 15s

Whether or not that was his fault that it does matter point is that’s going to appeal to not many people then he came here and didn’t produce which could be our fault but it’s still another Mark against him and he has a mass of contract and he’s getting older for a position where you have a very limited shelf-life and there’s a lot of options and running backs typically are cheap. I just I don’t know how you sell Le’Veon Bell. I just don’t it’s got to be a really bad team with a no running back situation in a ton of money and I will explore that a little further. But at this point it’s not that important something that is a little bit more important. It was reported yesterday and end in it. I understand this is one of those things where a columnist and we see this all the time in Green Bay were a writer for the Packers will say I’m speculating that this will happen and then it gets blown up all over the Internet saying this is going to happen right and insiders. It’s not an Insider. It’s just a reporter was going on around here is three things that might happen in the offseason. But anyways, there is a growing belief that the

13m 15s – 14m 15s

Kings after this you will let Riley reiff walk. I’ll be honest that would surprise me a little bit not here sort of the the problem and it’s a problem that a lot of teams have faced in a lot of positions. I think I talked about it yesterday at quarterback. Although I think it was probably at work. So you didn’t hear me say the problem that a lot of teams have is when you get to that point where you’re not worth the money, but we can’t afford to not have you in the Vikings have built a nice little reputation of retaining their guys and being willing to overpay for guys just because we want to keep our guys and the fact of the matter is, you know, if you look at PFF grades Riley reiff might not be the best left tackle, but Riley reiff and Brian O’Neill on the offensive line the left and right tackle are the only guys that grated basically in the seventies, which would me good night and I understand grades especially offensive line people don’t care, but I’m just letting you know the PFF scouting Department if you will has has determined that first of all, the offensive line has somewhat improved, but the only really good offensive linemen are they left?

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Right tackle if you lose your left tackle, you kind of start back at Ground Zero meaning you have to draft a tackle like have two or possibly find somebody in free agency but to find somebody better than Riley reiff for less than the 10 million dollars you have to pay him is basically impossible. So I am just going to go out on a limb and although you know, I would assume this is from the Saint Paul Pioneer Press Mizu mean that they are following this closer probably have maybe possibly some inside information. I’m going to go out on a limb and say that’s not true. Now the way that they phrase this they did this is from Rotoworld said unsurprisingly reefer made one of the least worst left tackles in 2019. I mean again, he’s not great but League’s worst when I guess if there’s only 32, we could be a little loosey-goosey with that phrase PFF greater than as the 30th best tackle in football, which you figure there’s sixty four if you include left and right plus there’s been some guys coming in and out. He’s given up five sacks this year, which isn’t that bad. Brian block is given

15m 15s – 16m 14s

4 by carries give enough to but I mean, that’s bakhtiari. I mean total pressures 25 total pressure is really really low. That’s really low crime blog has given up 26 David bakhtiari is going to 35 pressure. So the sack percentage might be a little bit high as far as total pressure is he does not allow a lot of people to get the cousin he does have eight penalties which is fairly high but bakhtiar, he’s got 11, I mean statistically he’s not that bad. He’s not a very good run-blocker, but nobody is I should say nobody but it’s and it’s a rare quality of amongst offensive lineman in 2020 2019. He’s just he’s not that bad and they look the fact of the matter is 10 million-dollar as much as you might not want to play it for pay it for a guy that’s you know, 30th overall getting a really good tackles hard in the Vikings above it more than anyone maybe except for Seattle should realize how hard it is to acquire a good offense of line. If I’m the Vikings I’m paying Riley reiff the 10 million dollars to keep a and I’m going to work on the interior a little bit, but I hope they’re right because if they lose their

16m 15s – 17m 14s

Tackle, their offensive line is going backwards, even if they nail the first round pick and get a really good one then basically they had to use up a first-round pick just to upgrade their left tackle a little bit. And what is he going to give up three sacks instead of 5 I doubted a rookie left tackle. I doubt it. So, you know by all means going to get rid of them Vikings fans really don’t like their their offensive lineup notice. There’s a lot I can tell you they will but they they think they’ve got the best running back of the VIP quarterback. They are all about the man you get him started on that offensive line and they are real low, maybe not so much Garrett Bradbury because everyone’s excited about the rookies, but specially Riley reforzar, they just despise the guy that’s really weird. But again, that’s fine. Go ahead and call him looking at the injury report. It looks like both teams are pretty much up to full strength as of Wednesday. You had Jimmy Graham and Ryan Grant not practicing for personal reasons. It’ll veteran rest for Jimmy. You had something personal for Ryan Grant otherwise Geronimo

17m 15s – 18m 14s

It was sick as of yesterday though. Everybody was full or limited Preston has limited with an ankle injury, which could be a problem and he’s going to play but it’s something to monitor marcedes Lewis. Just getting that veteran. Allen Lazard is limited with an ankle also. But again, he’s going to play Jimmy just limited to visit vet veteran rest. Can he still resting that back a little bit but we already know he’s going to play play the last time you can play again and then for San Francisco, they did have Dee Ford and George Kittle not practice it Dee Ford is limited. He’s got a quadricep hamstring issues so that they’re just keeping them he’s practicing but he’s limited otherwise Kwon Alexander George Kittles back to full participation Kwon Alexander’s limited with a package you but I’m sure he’s going to be fine. So basically it looks like both teams pending any illnesses or injuries, which by the way it says Geronimo has an illness just get him out. I’m serious. Send him to California now just get him out away from everybody. I don’t want him getting people said we we we I’m dead serious about it. We not sending them to California, but we played with

18m 14s – 19m 14s

Right tackle last week because he got to keep caught a sickness that was going around quarantine, Geronimo Allison get him away from everybody. I don’t need Aaron Rodgers get in this horrible 24-hour flu on Sunday. I’m not even kind of kidding if if Geronimo sick lock him away somewhere until he’s feeling better and then go pressure wash steam clean shampoo the carpet just suck every germ out of the air that you can the multi multi multimillion-dollar operation. Keep the guys healthy, please and thank you. But otherwise he added it doesn’t look like there’s going to be any real big changes going on here. Just I guess. I think his full strength, which is probably the way it should be which is probably part of the reason Matt on Twitter ask me a question about why the line hasn’t move it was at 75 or 7.575 my goodness. Why isn’t a move it it it might have a lot to do with this. Nothing’s changing. You know that they’ve got a lot of information.

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They plugged it into their Vegas super computer came up with 7.5 and in really they’re just kind of waiting on any kind of changes shifts and Amelie’s illness injury and everybody just seems fine. So, you know, if there’s nothing that’s change does no super big reason the line should move by the way man. I don’t know how I missed your last four messages. I didn’t have never I’m just looking at it now, like what? How did I miss that? Don’t even know what you’re referring to sounds bad though. Yeah, that’s that’s that’s kind of all I’ve got that goes out of say he’s insulted by the line in and I wasn’t planning on talking about it now, but since we’re talking about it, let’s let’s bring it up now. So yeah injuries. Nobody’s injured Todd in the Facebook group asked I’m wondering if there’s ever been a 14 and 3 team starting as a touchdown Underdog in NFL playoff history. Well found an answer to that. So let me start by saying there was the last time there was this big of an underdog in the NFC Championship. It was Green Bay Seattle Seattle in this was the 2014 2015 season was

20m 14s – 21m 14s

8 1/2 Point favorite over Green Bay Seattle won that game 2822 in overtime. I’m sure I don’t have to remind you how that game went. But that was the last time we’ve seen this big of an underdog and it was the Green Bay Packers interesting ly enough the time before that there was this big of an underdog it was packers-giants except it was the Giants. So the last three times in the NFC championship game that there has been an underdog of 7 and 1/2 points or more at is involved the Green Bay Packer twice against the Packers once in the Packers favored to answer your question. Neither of these teams were fourteen when teams going into the game the Giants be underdogs were let’s see what they were 13 Winton has been several 13 win. So they they were 10 and 6, but they beat the Buccaneers and the Cowboys. So I guess they were 12 wins in ended up being didn’t get the 14 weeks until they beat the Patriots in the Super Bowl. Let’s put it that way, but they were at 12 winning team and eight point dogs the Packers when they were 8 point underdogs against Seattle worth

21m 14s – 22m 14s

13 winds so they were quite fourteen, but it was kind of talking about the same thing. So basically the last time this has happened the Packers were 13 4/8 Point underdogs against the Seattle Seahawk the time before that you want to hear something super egregious. There was a 12 win Tampa Bay Buccaneers team. They were 14 and 1/2 Point underdogs to the St. Louis Ram every single one of these favors one with the exception of the Green Bay Packers being a point favorites against the giant the giant slot or one that game. I don’t know not looking over at the AFC or the more massive lines against San Diego is a 13 wind team back in 2007. The New England Patriots were 14-point favorite New England did go on to win not by 14, but they won but the only team I can find that had at least 14 wins, and I’m only going back to 2000 and you said by a touchdown cuz even though the line 7 and 1/2. I’m going by your standard, which is 7.40.

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Wins and was a seven-point underdog was the 1999 Tennessee Titans the end of the season 13 and 3 then they went on to beat the bills and the cold and were 15 and 3 going up against the Jacksonville Jaguars. Jacksonville was 7 point favorites in that game. By the way, they lost that game 33 to 14 what other kind of close one the 12:00 and 5 New England Patriots were ten point underdogs to the Pittsburgh Steeler. Not only do they beat the Pittsburgh Steelers 2417. They won the Super Bowl that year. So there you go. That’s what I found. It is fairly rare. It’s one of the few times that it’s really ever happened for a 14 or greater team. Again, the only one I could find since 2000 and we’re talkin about the 99 to 2000 season was Tennessee at Jackson Hennigan. Tennessee went on to. Ali beat Jacksonville. Would absolutely destroy them. So, there you go.

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I also forgot to add after the injury thing. Apparently according to Matt LaFleur. Raven Greene is looking a lot better this week. The Packers are going to give it a couple more days to see how he’s doing. But they do have an open spot on the roster have got 52 guys currently. So they’re they’re leaving a spot open in hopes that he can come back and play I’m always a little skeptical when somebody’s been away this long a special were talking about an offense and a defense that’s been really clicking and in the biggest part of their success comes from things like communication and just really understanding the scheme and all this kind of stuff. I’m sure Raven Greene has been in the meeting rooms and all that but it did that comes with time but you know, they really like Raven Greene. I think I’ve said before Mike Pettine I think is beyond enamored with Raven Greene. He seems to really really like the guy so I think if he’s he’s ready to go they’ll put him in at least situationally, but that’s going to be a wait-and-see thing and it’ll be a couple more days. Probably not today. Maybe tomorrow we’ll get more official word on whether or not he’s going to be activated and then I say

24m 11s – 25m 11s

Do one more thing will look at the shrine. MTG Packers have met with two other prospects. They met with another quarterback this time Princeton quarterback Kevin Davidson 6ft for 2:25. So again, another guy that’s just really really big through for 20 touchdowns set a School record was 7 scoring passes against the Bucknell probably one of the best small-school guys, which kind of makes sense right again of the primary reason that you meet with these guy is to get more information when you’re a small school guy maybe one of the things are doing is you’re trying to understand gauge him mentally, right? Because it’s a massive leap from the mental processing of the college game to the pro was especially when you’re a smaller School quarterback. It’s an even bigger early. So they met with the second time. They met with a quarterback now, so perhaps what they are doing is looking at something they’ve done a lot which is late-round undrafted free agent quarterback trying to find that diamond in the rough quarterback to taysom Hill if you will something that they do a lot

25m 11s – 26m 11s

Do you want to hit on it? And he’s really doing his homework. That’s not to say they’re not going to do a quarterback in the first couple days of the draft. But more than likely again there doing their homework on sort of the later rounds to undrafted type quarterback. Probably looking to refresh our backup roster. Otherwise, they met with Washington State Cougars wide receiver, Desmond Patton, six-foot-four 228. So seems to fit the mold of what the Packers like it wide receiver big tight end looking dude. He was at Washington state with Mike Leach so they had an Air Raid Offense 48 reception 689 yards seven touchdowns this past season through 11 game, but in all for his size of running around to 458 blazing speed, but again, when you’re built like a kind of in between the wide receiver tight end frame in your that big 458 isn’t that bad? Remember davantes like a 455 got which after all these years. He’s probably around four five eight. Now another guy that’s expected to be an undrafted free agent so I can just do Jill due diligence right you go.

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Do this kind of stop? This is something that Ted Thompson by the way was the master up really struggled in the early round, especially the first round I should say, but you get into those later rounds and undrafted free agents and Ted Thompson did a really good job. It just seems like they’re doing a lot of their due diligence here. We take our final break and then we’ll get into some of the more I want to see controversial but argumentative type things.

26m 34s – 27m 34s

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So I had another question from Mr. Ludlow on Twitter and I don’t really have a ton of insights or thoughts behind the information. But since I did the work I figured I’d relay the information to you as well. The question was essentially how often have the Packers lead for the entire game this year until I went looked at it. Here’s what I came up with it in the bottom line is the Packers have had the lead a lot in for a lot of games. They took the lead and never lost it so here is the season and what took place during that sees versus the Bears the Packers trailed three to nothing in the first quarter after that. They took the lead and never lost it against the Vikings. The Packers had to leave the entire game against the Broncos. The Packers had to leave the entire game against the Eagles the Packers went up 13-7 lost the lead at the end of the second quarter got back to at i-27 227 and then lost the lead and lost the game against Dallas. The Packers had to leave the entire game against the Lions hilariously. This happened in both game.

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Packers didn’t have a lead until they were two seconds left in the game. And the other game it was 3 seconds. So in both games combined the Packers had to leave for 5 seconds against the Raiders Oakland lead for eight minutes in the second quarter, but never regained it. So that’s it that 8 minutes of a lead and aside from that. It was a Packers all the way against the Chiefs. The Chiefs did Leaves lead 17 to 14 in the second quarter, but lost that lead at the end of the third and never regained it against the Chargers the Packers were never even close to having a lie. That was just a ridiculous blowout against the Panthers the Panthers lead until the 9-minute mark in the second quarter Packers went up 14 10 in the Panthers never regained lead 49ers game again, they never were close to getting Elite than the Giants the Packers let the whole game the Redskins the Packers let the whole game the Bears the Packers or the whole game against the Vikings the Packers took the lead was two minutes left in the third and just began to pull away from there. And then again the Lions you had the three seconds against the Seahawks Packers led the entire game some of these games kind of interesting things tend to Strike Force.

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And don’t lose the leaf which obviously speak strongly of the defense but it’s is cool because it doesn’t feel like it, you know, just saying the Packers let the whole game against Seattle. It didn’t feel like it but they did but the bottom line is they get into the position of power of control and they maintain control and although it feels out of control and it feels like the Packers are about to lose. It feels really close. Right the Redskins game all that was terrible to think they were in the lead the whole game. I think maybe a lot of this is that things feel more out of control than they are and and it’s relatively true that you know, if if the Packers begin to get a lead the defense kind of gives up, maybe that’s a change in Penn’s play calling to kind of be more conservative which leads to more points, but the point is although it doesn’t feel like it I think a lot of times the Packers are in control for most of or the entire game and although it doesn’t feel like it they are there they take control they maintain control they win the game. So that was an interesting little side project. If you have any thoughts like that you can pass it along to

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Promise I’m going to do it. But if it sounds interesting enough for are interesting enough, I will try it out and I if you are a patron by the way, do you want me to do a project again? I can’t promise it but it’ll probably put your list to the put you to the top of the list of preface it and just let me know because I don’t know your patreon by your Twitter handle or whatever else. So just just say it by the way, I’m on Patron and I want you to do that. Try it out will see. All right. So let’s look at one of the things in this is just tiring right to the Packers are you know always getting helped by the wrap and there’s this chart out there that show something from 2010 to 2019 teams that have been most helped on third down by the rain. It’s it’s really really specific which one you’re super specific is a lot of variables for when it when you’re really broad. There’s a lot of variables but then when you’re oddly specific in a certain way that there’s just too many variables in there and it’s not an honest way to actually ask

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The question very simply. I just took the premise that the Packers are helped by the refs more than any other team and then somebody went on even further to say that while this is because the NFL needs to prop up the Packers because the market can’t sustain itself unless they’re winning. So I just took that promise and said, okay, let’s look at this and see if there are any signs of conspiracy penalties against the least penalized teams in order. Would you like to know what they were the Colts the Panthers the Giants the Dolphins The Bangles the Patriots the Vikings the Chargers the Bears and the Green Bay Packers. Those are the top 10 least penalized team. Like I said package or 9th least it turns out that nevermind. That’s something else we’ll get there. The Packers are penalized 10th lease in the hilarious thing is that the Bears are penalized less and the Vikings are penalized less than two franchises that are always screaming about how the Packers or the rest love the packer.

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Actually penalize less but you can say well no, that’s not what we’re talking about. It’s not that you don’t get penalized me. That’s just that’s just discipline. If you’re not penalized you get the most calls in your favor. Okay. Well luckily for you. I have those numbers as well the biggest beneficiary of play calls. Let’s just do it in order the top 10 ready the most penalties called in their favor the Titans the Falcons the Eagles the Chiefs the Bengals the Broncos the Texans the Lions and the 49ers now if we’re going with the conspiracy theory thing, what is the trend here is it that they love, you know, high-flying teams like the Chiefs the Packers the the Patriots know cuz how do you explain Tennessee Atlanta Cincinnati Denver Houston. Nobody cares about these things Detroit, by the way, the Packers are in the top 10 you want to know which team so here’s the top 10 teams getting the least amount of calls in their favor. The Raiders the Vikings the Redskins.

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Saints the bills the Cowboys the Ravens the Jaguars the Packers and the Rams the ninth least penalties in their favor in the NFL. What conspiracy theory are you talking about? No, I will say relative to the amount of penalties. They get a lot of yard, but that only has to do with the types of penalties that were talking about in terms of penalty yards in their favor, which were talking about a really grand scheme Air Force and I want you to not call a lot of penalties for the Packers so that it doesn’t look Shady but make sure you call a lot of like big play penalties were talking about what pass interference and like personal fouls. 15-yard penalty, whatever but here let’s let’s also be specific in terms of the beneficiary of yards from penalties top 10. Here’s the list ready not Packers number one hits the Steelers then the Titans and the Dolphins then the Falcons and the Eagles and the Broncos and the Cardinals then the Colts.

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Then the Packers than the Bangles there’s no correlation here.

34m 48s – 35m 48s

There’s nothing that points to any kind of grand scheme or to even first of all conspiracy. Theories are dumb just from the standpoint of how many people have to be involved without saying anyting the fact that we believe that this has been rigged and you got players and coaches and Reps and people that have come and gone and not one person has decided to write a book that would make him a multi multi millionaire saved. By the way. I have inside information. We used to rig games. Not one person has come out and said that can you break we how much money do you think these refs make them? It’s a good amount of money. But if you’re making $200 a year and you can sell a book it makes you about 20 million dollars. I’m thinking you might pull the trigger bottom line is it just isn’t there? And by the way, we were talking about a lot of yards. We’re talking about 9ish yards per penalty on average when the Packers have a penalty in their favor. It’s almost ten yard on average which when you have a quarterback that likes to throw the ball deep you’re going to get a lot more penalties that are

35m 48s – 36m 48s

Pass interference penalties that are further down the field which really Rex this average has nothing to do with the conspiracy. It has to do with the fact that more of their penalties are big yardage penalty probably coming by way of pass interference so that the information is right here. It’s readily available and it’s listening it varies. I looked at this is called NFL penalties., They’ve got a really comprehensive list of stuff PFF has slightly different numbers are there was another side I look at it. Don’t remember slightly different numbers, but I’m at work talking about a variation of penalties called against the Packers between 100 and 103. Probably some kind of a discrepancy between in a whether it was accepted or what. I don’t know exactly how you mess up counting these but whatever it’s it’s a very small variation and in no way is there ever going to be a site that you can find. This is the Packers are the least penalized team and have the most penalties going in their favor and then the argument devolves into anecdotal evidence while there was that one play dude. Let me tell you right now for all the

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Bears and Vikings and lions fans that want to complain about the Packer if the only bad call that win against your team was against the Packers. I think the rest are biased in your favor if that’s the only thing that happened to you. And by the way, if it’s not the only bad call then you’re a liar you’re lying because you know bad calls go for and against you all year long because the referees don’t do if super great job all the time and pretty much every single game you wash is a controversial call every single one including last week. The Seattle Seahawks fumble the ball the Packers clearly recovered they gave the ball back to Seattle because they said we couldn’t quite clearly see it even though you can clearly see the guy recover it and then it’s blurry and then at the end of it the guy who recovered it handed the ball to the ref meeting. He still had it but we don’t have any clear evidence that could have easily lost the Packers the game. Does anybody care know because we’re at a point to that one time when I guess the Lions you had one of their pass-rushers constantly pushing up into David bakhtiari is neck. What a day.

37m 48s – 38m 48s

Technically touches face mask even though you can see he’s pushing up into his head and his head is jerked backwards and David bakhtiari. By the way was talking to refs a Duke watch. This guy keeps pushing my head back. And so the rest saw him do it and I got another anecdotal think there was a fumble by a packer I think on on a kickoff you fumble the ball in the Bears are covered until I call that was a clear recovery, but they said it was a hit to the head or something. I don’t know but the point is USA live action and tell me that that doesn’t look like a hit to the head. Of course it never even agree just calls against the Packers. These are all calls that in in really quick time that you’re just watching it. You don’t slow down and I don’t watch it seventy-five thousand times and you was like little technology and everything else to try to see specifically where it was and how technically kinda sorta it is a good call. I don’t know of any super agree just calls against the Packers. I’m sure there have been some but again, it happens to everybody and if you’re saying the only bad call you’ve had was against the Packers then I think the rest.

38m 48s – 39m 48s

Bias in your favor cuz it’s half of the Packers a lot and it’s happened. A lot of other teams. A lot of us watched it happen every time I watch a game it’s happening and I got the fact that we keep here at all member that one time like do do you remember last week or the week before that or the week before that? Why are you lying pretending? You don’t see these thing fact of the matter is the Vikings lost. The Bears are now garbage again in the lions are still guarded and the best argument you have about why the Packers don’t deserve to be where they are is because the refs have had a couple bad calls in their favor and we’re going to pretend that it’s somewhat agree just going to pretend they get less calls anybody else and more calls in their favor than anybody else ever attended. Our team doesn’t have any calls go in our favor and just lie lie, lie, lie lie to create up this this completely indefensible lie that the Packers have this relationship with the Packers cuz you don’t Aaron Rodgers hug the rest before a game which by the way lots of coaches and players know these guys, especially veterans Tom Brady’s doing the same thing not because they’re best friends then maybe

39m 48s – 40m 47s

Because they’ve gone back a long way. These refs have been here for the same 15-20 years that Tom Brady and Aaron Rodgers have yes, they know each other by the way, a lot of Packers players shake hands with players on other team has no collusion there. They just know each other. They’re shaking hands like hey, whatsup? So stop lying stop crying. Stop trying to make excuses that all three teams in the NFC North. Day in the Packers have potential Lions. No less than most but you got money and you got early draft picks and you can turn this thing around 49ers did it but if you keep spending all your time Looking Backward, you’re not going anywhere you spend some of your energy focusing on how to fix things out next year. You can be better than the Packers actually beat them this this defeatist victim mentality, but we can’t get ahead because of the worlds out to get us, you know, how pathetic that is. We’re not winning cuz the refs Trey’s rig man in the system is rigged, you know, you’re a loser but this was not rigged nothing’s rigged. But because your face

40m 48s – 41m 48s

Lunges cuz you have obstacles look really supposed to be a better play do a better job in coverage sack the quarterback. It’s in your control. If the entire argument for your team comes down to a half an inch. But by the way, he at 100% had a first down maybe you just didn’t do enough in life and in football making lame excuses in blaming Society or the refs or whatever else you’re not going anywhere. I promise you you go nowhere in life grow up if you want something go get it. If you want your team to get better. It’s not going to be from Looking Backward and say it’s a joke. That’s fine. I get it. I played along with the joke the Packers in the wraps and hahaha. That’s funny. If you actually believe it that’s pathetic the fact that you actually have to go to conspiracy theories to help you sleep at night to believe that your team isn’t actually that bad and the Pea.

41m 48s – 42m 48s

Aren’t that good? Because it hurts your feelings so much. It hurts your emotional state of mind so much to actually believe the Packers are a good team. We’ve got to come up with their frauds and and they cheat and that is so pathetic. How do you verbalize these things and not feel like less of a human being for actually saying these things out loud. It’s so embarrassing and I joke around say about the Patriots but it’s a joke. So good football team the granted they have cheated in the past, but it’s not going to lie. I Promise You The Bangles could record anything and everything that they want. They’re not winning Super Bowls Of course, it’s a good team. Of course Bill Belichick is a good coach. Of course Brady’s a good quarterback is the difference between joking around and teasing and having like a fun little rivalry and actually believing that the NFL is rigged against your team. And that’s why they can’t go to get ahead. Now, you’re just supporting incompetence. Your team is bad because your GM is trash cuz your coach is not good enough cuz your quarterback is to

42m 48s – 43m 27s

Stop blaming. Everything else have higher expectations for your team drives me nuts. And yes, I’m I’m half talking about football and 1/2 talking about life in general cuz I’m just tired of hearing it is out to get you man up get a life already crying all day long Twitter is just crying crying crying attacking and crying attacking and crying. I seriously did delete that tweet cuz everybody just wants to buy a lot of sarkic of the guys, like look. I just wanted to give some information. This is getting stupid. Now, there’s no reason for that. There’s no reason for him to say stuff that is fake and lying and crying and being a whiny little baby about the Packers are cheaters in the Packer fans are bragging about it.

43m 28s – 44m 23s

What’s a pack of ants coming into just kick him in the face over and over again is like this is I’m out of here. This is weird and horrible kicking and crying. That’s all Twitter is I can’t get ahead. And by the way, I hope you die. If I could say it was a tagline for Twitter. That would be it life’s unfair and I hope you die Twitter and again Google does exist. So feel free to find this information out yourself before you start whining and crying about how hard it is and it’s not fair Google it by the way the argument that the Packers have a small market and this is the favorite special Chicago Bears fans because everything is wrapped up in the fact that there are big city and they think that just afford them some kind of credibility. I don’t know what it is, but you know, they they’re just annoyed with how much in love with people tend to be with people from Wisconsin with the state with the Packers me to talk about Wisconsin and Green Bay and whatever else people

44m 28s – 45m 28s

Me too, cuz I like dude big city supposed to love us. We’re supposed to be the best in Soviet the argument of all their this tiny little Backwoods. Redneck bababababa. They can support themselves. I hate to tell you this Hoss the Packers brought in more money in 2019 than the Bears did this small tiny little market has no problem sustaining itself because how do you make money while you sell jerseys and things right? You can sell merchandise you think the Packers have a problem with that then one of the largest fan bases around the world you sell tickets, which the Packers sell out and despite the size of the Town. What we’re talking about now is not selling out tickets in the town. We’re talkin about selling tickets in the stadium. They have one of the bigger stadiums in terms of size and they sell it out which means Revenue also, there’s television and because they are good and yes just has to do with them being good witch could technically support your argument, but there’s no reason to because anybody could be good and then make that much money, but they get a lot of prime time.

45m 28s – 46m 28s

Television Revenue, right they they draw audiences. So if you wanted to make an argument, it wouldn’t be that there was a small Market if you’re trying to follow this conspiracy theory thing. It has nothing to do with a small Market what you would say is because they have a massive fanbase and the NFL wants to capitalize off that they want to prop up this massive fanbase but Bears fans can’t get themselves to say that because that takes away everything that they believe it’s the last thing they have to hold on to it was this big city they have and as I’ve said a thousand times I got this little man complex because I’m not nobody cares about Chicago. Nobody cares about their food. Nobody cares about the size of their City. Everybody talks about New York and La nobody talks about Chicago or cares about it. Nobody goes on vacation to Chicago. They go to New York to go to La they go to all kinds of big city to go to go to Dallas and Houston and Austin all the biggest 75 big giant cities in Texas. You might even go to Atlanta typically people are not going to be like who I want to go on a vacation to Chicago cuz the only thing anybody ever knows about Chicago the only thing you guys get credit for is a massive amount of shooting.

46m 28s – 47m 27s

You have sorry man. That’s just the way it is and you have a smaller fan base than the Green Bay Packers and your team despite having a massive market and a massive amount of money in your city actually bring it less money than the Packers do so you can argue this if you’re willing to acknowledge that the Packers have a bigger Market. I’m talking about in terms of revenue from the fan base than the Bears do what you’re not going to do that are you cuz that hurts your feels too much. I know I get it. Anyways, there was another question and another argumentative thing that happened on Twitter, but also not only out of time but I’m getting a little too riled up for my own good. So I will just leave it at that. She’d like to do me one more favor for the day. Please don’t pollute Twitter with kicking and crying please find something else to do go get excited about the Packers in a way that is not yelling at 49ers fans ignore them. He wanted to be want to make a mad. The easiest way to do that is to just brag about your team. It’ll drive them.

47m 28s – 47m 34s

Insane let them go off and be bad people. That’ll be our goal for today. No crying, and no kicking.

47m 35s – 47m 42s

You want to do a little bit in the Facebook group? That’s fine. Anyways, you folks have ourselves a fantastic day. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Have a good one. Bye. Bye.

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sherlock-one-shots · 7 years

Text

A Secret Cuddler (Sherlock X Reader)

Summary: After the heating shuts off in in flat, you and Sherlock find a way to warm up quickly.

A/N: I just realized how smutty the summary sounds....this is NOT smut (sorry if anyone was mislead...) I couldn’t find any other way to word it... A bit cliché, but who doesn’t love a good cliché every so often? Sometimes a cliché is nice... Please don't be afraid to send in requests!

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You were almost positive you were going to freeze to death before morning. Your bedroom was cold, almost cold enough to match the freezing temperature outside and you were positive that’s what woke you. In an attempt to solve the problem, you added extra blankets to your bed and curled up underneath them, all bunched in the corner of your bed, trying to conserve as much heat as you possibly could. Despite your best effort, however, the cold air seeped under the layers of blankets. Fifteen minutes passed as you were still shivering uncontrollably. John and Mrs. Hudson had both warned you that this room got a bit chilly, but it’s never been this chilly. You made the decision to get out of bed, wrapped in both blankets and go downstairs to check the heating. The plan was to find Sherlock and ask him to turn it up, since he was really the only one who knew how to work the thermostat. John had moved out, Mrs. Hudson was playing bridge with friends and you just hadn’t had the need to fool with it. The living room, however was empty, dark, and a few degrees warmer. You shivered into the kitchen, which was deserted as well. “Sherlock?” You called softly. It was unlike him to go to bed this early, especially when he had a case (and you knew he did, you heard him ranting about it while you were trying to sleep). It wasn’t unheard of, Sherlock going to bed early, but it wasn't common either. You checked the bathroom light, but couldn’t see it from underneath the door, so he wasn’t in there. The last room you had to check was his bedroom. You debated on whether or not to go in. You had never been in there before and didn't want to wake him up. Or didn’t want him to wake up and catch you in there. Either would be a bit embarrassing. Plus, the two of you had an unspoken agreement to respect each other’s privacy and not invade the other's space as much as you could. Obviously, on occasion, he made himself an exception to the rule, but you weren’t about to go and break that agreement on your part now. Taking a deep breath, your frozen feet carried you to the end of the hallway and you nudged the already ajar door open slightly, looking in. The room was dimly lit, light enough for you to spot Sherlock on his bed, turned away from you. You thought he was sleeping until he shifted, turning over and looking at you, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “(Y/N)?” He asked, his voice a bit groggy. “What are you doing?” “It’s freezing.” You answered softly. “I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind turning the heat up a little. I don’t know how and I don’t want to mess it up.” “I would if I was able to.” he sat up straight in bed. “The heating shut off right after you went to bed.” “And it’s already this cold?” You wondered. You were positive that, if you looked hard enough, you would be able to see your breath as you spoke. Of course, on one of the coldest nights of the year, this would be the night that the heating shut off. Of. Course. He only shrugged, not providing an answer. You decided that you disturbed him enough for one night. He looked tired, you had obviously caught him on the brink of sleep and you knew just how much he needed it, especially lately with all of the cases he’d been taking. “Alright.” You sighed, turning to head back to bed and stay warm. A cup of hot tea might help. “Sorry I woke you.” “You didn’t.” Sherlock said, stopping you. You turned back around. “Couldn’t sleep.” “Oh.” You didn’t want to leave, but you weren’t sure if you wanted to stay. “Do you need anything?” You asked next. He shook his head. “What would I need?” You shrugged. “I don’t know, maybe some warm milk or another blanket, someone to talk to?” You knew the last one was a long shot, but you offered anyway, thinking one day he would take you up on it if he really, really needed to. “Does warm milk actually help?” he asked, ignoring everything else you said. “You tell me. I thought you knew everything.” You teeth began to chatter again. “Oh, no, that would be an appalling waste of brain space. The more unimportant things I delete from my memory.” e explained. You only nodded in response. “I’m fine, thank you.” “Alright.” You nodded. “I’m going to bed. G’night.” And you left. You got halfway down the hallway before your feet on the cold floor reminded you of the temperature on this floor compared to your room on the next floor. There was no way you were going to try sleeping in there again, not when it was much warmer in the living room. You had napped happily on the couch before, so sleeping on it for a night wouldn’t be to awful, right? Except that the couch was leather. And that leather was the definition of cold. You tried sitting on it first, but quickly got up, noticing how cold it was. Your only chance of staying warm was putting a blanket on the couch and laying on top of it, covering yourself with the second blanket and perhaps a third. You stripped yourself of the blankets, your skin not appreciating the cold biting at it so suddenly, but you needed to sleep somewhere and it was not going to be in a freezing bedroom. Not when the living room was much warmer. You were in the middle of straightening the blanket, covering the couch when a pair of footsteps came from behind you, stopping at the threshold. “What are you doing?” You turned around to find Sherlock staring at you as if you were mad. “What are you doing?” “I asked first.” You sighed. The blanket wasn’t wanting to work with you, sliding off of the back of the couch and you couldn’t get it even. “Trying to make a bed on the couch.” “I left my phone out here. Why are you making a bed on the couch?” “It’s warmer down here.” He only nodded once, eyes skimming over your handiwork. He scoffed. “That’s not going to work.” he shook his head. “I don’t have any other options.” You argued. “My room is way to cold.” “Come to mine, then.” You stopped what you were doing and stared at him. Had Sherlock Holmes asked you to come to his room? Did he, really? Or were you just imagining things. “What?” Was the only response you could formulate. You weren’t going to lie, you had a crush on the detective that you did your very best to conceal, but you were sure that your face was betraying you. You only hoped that he would mistake the red on your cheeks for you just being cold. “It’ll be much warmer in there.” He reasoned. “Well…”You didn’t know what to say. “...where are you going to sleep?” “In my bed.” He answered as if you already should have known. He sighed, exasperated. “If we both sleep in the same bed we’ll warm up faster.” There were shadows covering the top half of his face but you were sure he rolled his eyes somewhere in the sentence. You could almost feel it. You didn’t want to pass up an opportunity like this so, without saying anything, you gathered up your blankets and walked towards his room, Sherlock following behind you. You stood in the middle of the room waiting for him. You didn’t know which side he usually slept on and you didn’t want to take his spot. When he entered the room and saw you standing there, he gestured to the bed, wanting you to go on. You did so, climbing in on the far side of the bed and sticking as close as you could to the edge, not wanting to take up too much space and get too close. The bed dipped beside you and you closed your eyes, trying to sleep. “It’s warmer over here.” Sherlock commented in a low voice. You cracked open one eyes and saw him looking over at you. Both of you were lying on your backs, arms to your sides. You scooted over a couple of inches and couldn’t deny that it was, in fact, much warmer towards the middle of the bed. You closed your eyes again, hoping that now you would be able to fall into a peaceful sleep, but the cold just wouldn’t leave you alone. Yes, you were warming up but a cold draft was coming through the blankets, creeping around your toes. You were fighting the urge to shiver. You rose up a little, tucking yourself in the best that you were able and keep the warmth in. You had finished your right side and moved to the left when you were interrupted when Sherlock ripped the blankets from underneath your right side. You turned with a gasp, ready to protest when he turned on his side and raised an arm. “Come here.” He demanded. Again, you only stared at him. “We’ll warm up much faster.” You didn’t argue and did as he said, slipping under his arm. You decided to lighten the mood and make it less awkward. “You just want to cuddle.” You joked. He only hummed, wrapping his right arm around you, rubbing a hand over your arm to warm it up. You were sure it was as cold as ice. “You’re a closet cuddler.” “Not really.” He admitted. You grinned, curling your arms in between you to warm them up, your fists against both of your chests. Both of you laid there in silence. You had been shivering slightly before but now your body was relaxing and warming up. You tried to ignore the fact that you were locked in an embrace with Sherlock Holmes. Other than that, you were completely calm, the cold no longer able to reach you as Sherlock’s arm wound around your waist and both of you fell into a blissful sleep. XXXXX You woke up first the next morning. The flat, you could tell, was still cold. Your toe found a way out of the blankets, and you quickly brought it back, curling your legs the best you could. They were still intertwined with Sherlock’s. You looked up at him, expecting him to wake up but he was sound asleep. You moved to get up, planning to call someone to fix the heating, but there was no use in trying. Sherlock had a strong grip on you and it didn’t seem like he was planning to let go anytime soon. You didn’t mind it, you supposed. The flat could stay cold for a while longer. You laid your head back down on the pillow with a smile, closing your eyes and planning on getting a few more minutes of sleep at least. “Definitely a secret cuddler.” You mused quietly as his arm tightened and he mumbled in his sleep.

#reader insert #oneshot #sherlockxreader #sherlock #sherlock oneshot #sherlock reader insert

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