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rhoorl · 10 months

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Working Title - Chapter 4

Pairing: Dieter Bravo x OFC Belle

Rating: Mature, 18+

Word Count: 5.8k

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist | Chapter 4 on AO3

Chapter Summary: Belle reunites with Indy. Lots of best friend energy in this chapter and inner monologuing going on. Don’t want to say anything else here to avoid spoilers!

Warnings: This chapter has some swearing and allusions to smut. Also, some body image talk.

BELLE: Just made it to the gate, waiting to board! See you soon 😘

It was going to be a long day with three different plane rides. Your first leg was from Orlando to Houston. Then you had to hustle to get onto your flight to Honolulu. Rhys managed to work some magic and get you upgraded to first class, which made your sprint worth it. You definitely took advantage and enjoyed a couple of glasses of champagne as you lounged and caught up on whatever franchise of Real Housewives was on. Before you knew it, it was time to board your final leg. You were headed for the island of Kauai, the Garden Isle. It was a short flight and when you landed, you turned your phone off of airplane mode seeing a flurry of notifications, mostly from Indy.

INDY: Can’t wait to see you!

INDY: It is so fucking nice here. Wait until you see our room! 😆🌴

INDY: Why aren’t you respondinggggg 👀

INDY: Oh duh, you are flying. You’re probably somewhere in the Pacific right now…

INDY: Don’t worry about grabbing any groceries on your way in, we got a huge welcome basket in the room!

INDY: Ooo I forgot to tell you, Ari is going to pick you up from the airport!

Ari was Indy’s assigned personal assistant for the shoot. You had FaceTimed with her earlier in the week and thought she was cool. She was younger than you both but eager to help however she could. It was her first big shoot as well, and you could tell she was nervous but up for the challenge.

BELLE: Just landed! And thanks for the head’s up about Ari.

BELLE: Also, I am borderline hangry…just thought you should know.

INDY: Don’t worry boo, I got you!

You made it through the small airport and headed to one of the two baggage claim carousels. In the crowd, you saw Ari holding a sign with your name on it. She saw you and smiled and you gave a little wave as you walked up to her.

“Hey Ari, so nice to meet you in person!” you said, going in for a hug.

“Hey! It’s awesome to meet you too!”

“So, whose idea was the sign,” you smirked pointing to her little homemade sign.

Looking down and a little embarrassed she sighs and says, “Indy.”

“I knew it!” You laughed.

Just then the suitcases started coming out, so you headed over to watch the endless parade of black suitcases. As obnoxious as your bright pink suitcases were, there was no denying that they would never get mistaken for someone else’s. Once you collected your bags, you and Ari head over to the rental car.

The two of you make small talk on your way over to the resort. You couldn’t believe you were finally here; Hawaii had been a dream destination for you, specifically this island, Kauai. Being a big movie fan, you couldn’t believe you were in the same place where they filmed your favorite movie Jurassic Park and other movies like Raiders of the Lost Ark.

The drive to the resort was amazing. You could see the ocean for most of the trip from the passenger side window. Plus, the sun was starting to set and it was absolutely breathtaking. Eventually, you turn down a palm tree-lined road toward the resort. You had never seen anything this exquisite before. As you pulled up to the porte cochere, you fixated on the colorful tropical flower arrangements adorning the entrance. You step out of the car and are greeted by a couple of valets who are eager to help you with your bags. Before you can even turn around, you hear the squealing.

“Beeeeellle!! Eeeek!” Indy bounded towards you and gave you a big bear hug. It has been weeks since you had seen your best friend in person. “Wait until you see our room, holy shit it is so nice!!”

Another thing Rhys set up - he managed to snag a two-bedroom Presidential suite with a stunning view for you both to share.

The two of you lock arms and head through the lobby headed towards the elevators, Ari trailing behind giving you space to catch up. You enter the elevator and Indy swipes her key and clicks the button to the top floor. When you arrive, you realize your suite is one of only a few on the floor. The hallway had marble floors and was lined with black and white photos of vistas from around the island.

You reach your door and Indy inserts her card. Hearing the click of the lock, she opens the door to your spacious suite. Honestly, suite wasn’t the right word. This was bigger than your last two apartments combined.

In awe of the space around you, all you could muster was a “Holy shit.” As you walk in you fixate on the huge sliding glass doors leading out to your wrap-around balcony. Your view? The beach. An unobstructed view of the beach. You were making a beeline to the balcony before you were sidetracked by your fully appointed kitchen.

“Are they serious with this kitchen?!” you gushed, scanning the cabinets and appliances before stopping on the welcome basket and bouquet of flowers on the kitchen island.

Noticing you looking at the welcome basket, Indy starts to pull out some of the items. “Oh, the resort and production set this up. There are so many goodies in here. There’s candy, some snacks, fruit, and some local products too.”

“That is so nice! There's so much stuff in here,” you said taking stock of what you wanted to claim.

“Let’s go check out your room,” Indy takes off skipping down the hallway. “This one is yours!”

When you arrive at your room, you are greeted by a King mattress and another set of glass sliding doors leading out to the same balcony.

“Oh, I cannot wait to have coffee out there and listen to the waves in the morning.”

“Right? Like how beautiful is this,” Indy beamed. “You have to check out the bathroom!”

You walk over to your ensuite bathroom and the first thing you noticed was the tub, followed by what was quite possibly the largest shower you’ve ever seen in your life; large enough to boast two rainfall shower heads and a bench on each side.

“So, what do you think?”

You were so overwhelmed by it all. From the long travel day, the fact you were in a place you’ve always dreamed of, and seeing your best friend. You could feel the tears starting to well up. You couldn’t believe that this was going to be your life for the next few months.

“I fucking love it Ind. I’m at a loss of words,” you go in for a hug, squeezing her.

After a few beats, you both let go of your embrace.

“So, I know you are probably tired, but I was thinking we could order some room service and veg out a little and then get to bed,” Indy said as you both walked back out toward the living room.

Ari heard you both coming and rounded the corner from the kitchen where she had popped open a bottle of water.

“You both have a busy day tomorrow,” she chimed in. “Indy, you have a couple of meetings in the morning. And Belle, sorry, can I call you Belle?” she asked, a little embarrassed that she assumed she could call you by your nickname.

Nodding and giving her a smile you say, “Of course you can!”

“Sweet. Ok, cool. So, Belle, Meredith said she was going to connect with you sometime tomorrow morning as well to show you the space and get some things set up.”

Meredith had texted you about this earlier in the week, so you weren’t caught by surprise. You were so excited to finally get started instead of pouring over plans and what products to order.

“Oh and then tomorrow afternoon we are headed over to Mitch’s house.”

Mitch was one of the producers who was renting a house for the duration of the shoot. By all accounts, it was one of the largest houses on the island.

“What’s the dress code for that?” you asked.

“It’s totally casual. He has a pool too, so if you want to bring a swimsuit that’s cool.”

“Yeah, that would be a no from me,” you laughed.

You could feel Indy’s side-eye. You had battled with body image issues your whole life, picking up on small things your mom used to say about her own body. You internalized all of her negative self-talk, repeating the cycle of behavior she picked up from her mother. It also didn’t help that your best friend was a part-time supermodel, part-time Disney princess, and full-time knockout.

But, with Carla’s help you managed to work through it and get to a lot healthier of a place. That was, until Ryan. He broke down all of the progress you had made within a matter of months. Shattering any semblance of self-esteem and self-worth. It scared you sometimes how engrained into your very being some of your behavior and thinking had gotten. Indy tried her hardest to make you see yourself the way she saw you but knew you needed to see it for yourself.

So, the notion of being in a swimsuit in front of a bunch of strangers was your definition of torture. You were so tired that you didn’t want to get into it with Indy and she could sense it.

“We’ll deal with our wardrobe tomorrow. Ari, I think we are good for tonight. I’ll just order us some food. Thanks for everything today, go get some rest.”

“Yea Ari, thanks for picking me up and driving me,” you smiled.

“Oh no worries, happy to help!” she said as she gathered her purse and phone. “Have a great night, ladies!”

“You too,” you both said in unison.

“Home sweet home,” Dieter said to himself as he walked through the door of his suite. Liz gave him the option of staying at the resort or getting his own place off-property, but he decided to stay at the resort. Besides having the amenities of the resort at his disposal, he also didn’t hate that there would be housekeeping and a restocked mini fridge.

He made his way through the entryway and saw the giant glass sliding doors before him. By the time he got to the resort it was late, so he didn’t bother heading out on the balcony. I’m having my coffee out there tomorrow.

Despite having a direct flight, he was tired. Sitting in a seat for that many hours did a number on his back and all he wanted to do was stretch out in his bed, eat some room service, and watch a movie.

He also needed to recharge so he could be on his A-game tomorrow. For as gregarious and outgoing as he was, he also needed his alone time. In situations like tomorrow’s party, he felt like he had to be “on” the whole time, playing up the charismatic side of his personality people had grown to love. But, if he was honest, it got to be pretty exhausting. He couldn’t wait until he was in front of the camera and could escape into his character.

Flying to Hawaii from the East Coast meant you were up at an ungodly hour because your body was still on Eastern Time. Your bed was so comfortable, that you were able to roll over and squeak out a couple of extra hours of sleep - you knew you would need it.

Around 5 a.m., the sun was starting to creep up the horizon, so you decided to get up. You were in your sleep shorts and a tank top, your hair in a messy bun with your glasses on.

You padded over to the kitchen barefoot to make yourself some coffee. While it brewed, you looked through a basket of goodies the resort had left for you both. Enjoying your coffee with a little sweet treat was on your list of self-care habits. You noticed a package of cookies, which looked to be from a local company. Ooo macadamia nut, I bet that’s delicious. With your cookies and coffee cup in tow, you head out to the balcony excited to curl up, enjoy the sound of the waves and bask in the calm before the craziness began. You didn’t realize how heavy the sliding door was, so you put the cup down so you don’t spill any of your precious caffeine. You had to put your whole might into getting this damn thing open, hoping you didn’t wake Indy with your racket.

Dieter rolled over and checked his alarm clock. Hmm, five, not too bad. He wasn’t the best sleeper, so he was used to early mornings. Caffeine helped.

Coffee. I need coffee.

He gets himself out of bed, not bothering with a shirt. His basketball shorts low on his hips as he runs his hand through his hard, sporting quite the bed head.

He made his way over to the kitchen and prepared a cup, going through the basket of goodies the hotel left for him. He ate the Kit-Kat last night and made a note to tell his PA to get him some more. He grabbed a package of cookies. Hmm, guava flavored, that’s interesting.

Grabbing his cup, he heads out to the balcony. Just like when he’s back home, he couldn’t wait to sit outside and listen to the water, the sound of waves crashing was so calming to him. Sitting down on one of the loungers, he closes his eyes. After a few moments, he hears a bit of a racket coming from his left. He leans forward, looking to see what was going on. Whoever is in the suite next to him was struggling to open up their sliding door.

Damn, this door is heavy. It took a bit of effort, but you were finally able to open the sliding glass door. You headed outside, breathing in the tropical air and hearing the soothing sounds of the ocean. Before you can turn around to go pick up your coffee cup, you hear someone clear their throat. Startled you turn around and are greeted by what you think is a mirage.

Am I still asleep? This has to be a dream right. Your brain was struggling to compute the vision in front of you but you could feel your mouth hanging open. You’re surprised isn’t on the floor out of shock.

On the balcony of the room next to yours was a half-naked Dieter Bravo standing looking at you. You were trying to look everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Holy shit. Wait, he’s in the room NEXT to us?! Why is he out here so early? What do I do? You wanted to run back inside and hide under the covers of your bed. But you also could not pass up the opportunity to take in the image before you.

Maybe it’s because of your profession, but you clocked his ruffled curls first. His hair was a little longer than the last time you saw him. He has a beautiful curl pattern to his hair. Gosh, I wonder what it would feel like to run my fingers through it. Then, you noticed he was wearing the black-rimmed glasses you had seen him wear in interviews. His glasses are so cute. His beard was a little patchy, some grays peeking through which was adorable and hot at the same time. Gosh, he’s aged like a fine wine.

Next, your eyes move down to his exposed torso. Goddamn, I’ve never realized how fucking broad his shoulders are. Also, has he been working out? Keep it together, keep it together. You couldn’t bring yourself to look any further down his body because your mind may have exploded. In reality, all of this took about three seconds, but you realize that you were probably gawking at him.

“Um, hi,” he said, his voice still raspy with sleep. He raised his hand and gave you a little wave. “I, uh- I didn’t mean to startle you.”

Suddenly realizing what you were wearing, you cross your arms in front of your chest. You weren’t wearing a bra and you didn’t trust the way your body was reacting.

“Ah, no y- you didn’t startle me. Well, yeah, yeah you did,” you laugh. “I wasn’t expecting anyone else to be up at this hour. Sorry for the commotion getting out here. That door is fucking heavy.”

He laughs, looking down and rubbing the back of his neck with his right arm. Sir, are you serious with those arms?!

“Well, here we are,” he smiled, his dimples showing. Ugh, his dimples are so fucking adorable.

“So, I didn’t get to introduce myself last time, but I’m Dieter,” he says bringing his hand to his chest.

He remembers me?

You give him your name and he repeats it back, “Nice to meet you.” There are those damn dimples again.

“So, um - what flavor did you get,” he points towards the package of cookies you were holding with a vice grip.

“What?” Looking down at where he was pointing and realizing what he said. “Oh,” you look down. “Um, I got macadamia nut.” You look back at him, noticing he had a package of cookies in his left hand. “Wh-what about you?”

It takes him a moment to react, you wondered if what you said even sounded coherent.

“Oh… Yea... Ah, let’s see,” he said looking down. “I got guava. I’ve never had a guava-flavored cookie before,” he laughed.

“Neither have I.”

“Do you want to swap? I get a taste of yours and you get a taste of mine?”

You know what he meant and the comment wasn’t remotely sexual, but you still felt yourself blushing a bit and the rest of your body was also reacting.

“Um, yea, sure,” you said as you opened your package of cookies and started walking towards the end of your balcony. You leaned over the edge and he covered the rest of the distance with his long arms. Your fingers briefly brushed against each other as you made your trade and you experience what felt like a pulse of electricity go through your entire body. “Thanks,” you smiled.

“Don’t thank me yet, you may hate this flavor,” he chuckled.

Neither of you move from where you were, feet feeling like they were rooted in the ground by some magnetic pull.

“I, uh. I don’t want to interrupt what you had going on, but do you want to do the taste test now?” he said as he rubbed the back of his neck.

Is he nervous? Or am I the one being weird and he doesn’t know how to get out of this situation? Stop it. If he wanted to leave he would.

“Um, yea sure. I didn’t have anything going on, by the way,” you gave him a shy smile. “I just wanted to come out here and hear the ocean.”

“Isn’t that like the best fucking sound?” You noticed a glint of excitement in his eyes.

“Yea, it’s so relaxing. Plus, with this view how could you go wrong, right?”

“You got that right.” There he was looking at you again. “Um ok, which flavor should we start out with first?”

“Well, we both seem a bit intrigued with the guava, so … that one?” you smirked. “That way if we don’t like it, we at least have the macadamia nut cookie as a chaser.”

“I like your style,” he winks at you. Fuuuuck. You could feel yourself melting. “Ok, on three we take a bite?” he asks as you nod. “Ok, one … two… three.”

You both take a bite and avert your eyes a bit because you just had to check in with yourself again to make sure you weren’t dreaming this whole thing. You felt the crispy texture of the cookie on your tongue, followed by the slightest hint of guava.

“Hmm,” you said.

“Do you hate it?”

“No! It’s just not what I thought it would be like, but that’s not necessarily bad.”

“Yea, agreed. It’s not a super strong flavor, but it’s good,” he said, giving you a smile. “Let’s try the macadamia nut one now!”

He seemed to be so genuinely excited … over a cookie. This man is gorgeous and adorable. And fuck, he still isn’t wearing a shirt.

“Ok, let’s do it!”

You both repeated the same countdown and took a bite. The next flavor was amazing - it reminded you a bit of a shortbread cookie, which was one of your favorites. Without even thinking of where you were and who you were with, you closed your eyes and gave a little moan as you savored the cookie. And then you hear him clear his throat. Shit. What the fuck is wrong with you? You’re making it awkward. You didn’t want to make eye contact, but it was like a magnet drawing you back. You see him smirking at you. Again with the dimples!

“So, I’d venture to say you liked that one more?” his tone a little lower.

“Ah, ha, yea. Sorry, didn’t mean to make it weird,” you laughed, looking down.

“Oh no, you didn’t make it awkward! I’m glad we saved that one for last.”

Just then, you hear the door sliding behind you.

“I knew I’d find you out he-” Indy stopped dead in her tracks, looking at you both. You turn around, your eyes bugging out as if to say please don’t embarrass me, but also please help me. “...here. Oh. Oh, hey Dieter!” she called over to him giving him an enthusiastic wave before snapping her eyes over to you.

“Hey, Indy. Good morning.”

“I see you have met Belle … again,” she winks at you.

“Belle?” You had told him your real name.

“Oh, sorry that’s what I call her since we were like, what B, six years old?” she said laughing.

“Ha, something like that.”

“So, what should I call you then?” he asks, looking at you.

“Whatever you want!” Indy chimes in.

You snap your head around giving her a death glare and she smiles wide, knowing you’re pissed. She is living for the awkwardness of it all.

Dieter laughs, picking up on the best friend energy. “If it’s ok with you, I rather like Belle.”

“Oh, ah, yea that’s fine with me,” you smile at him. Is he flirting with me? It’s been so long, I can’t even tell. He’s probably just being nice, right?

“Well, Belle… Indy …” he looks over to her and gives a nod. “I’ll let you ladies get to your coffee, yours is probably cold at this point Belle,” he motions down to the mug you abandoned only minutes ago. “Are you ladies going to Mitch’s party tonight?” he asks looking directly at you.

“Yea, looking forward to it.”

“Well, now I am too,” he winks before turning on his heel and going back into his room.

“Bye Dieter,” Indy calls after him. With his back to you both he sticks a hand up in the air and waves.

As he slides the door shut he glances over to you, where you were still stuck looking at him. He gives you a smile and then walks away. You wait a beat before turning around to your shit-eating-grin-sporting best friend.

“Don’t. Can you please wait until we are inside,” you say quickly collecting your cup and rushing inside.

She is on your heels, quickly closing the sliding door. You both collapse on the couch.

“Holy fucking shit.”

“Yea, holy fucking shit. I can’t believe that happened.”

“How long had you been out there? Please start from the absolute beginning. Like from the moment you woke up and don’t leave anything out.”

You recount your morning so far, not sparing any details.

“So how are you doing?” she motions down to your shorts.

“Jesus Christ, Indy!” you playfully slap her shoulder.

“What? Dieter fucking Bravo was standing out on his balcony in just basketball shorts, flirting with you and you don’t expect me to ask how she’s doing?”

“Ok, please don’t refer to my vagina in the third person,” you say as she rolls her eyes. You stop and look at her sideways and smirk “But I’d be lying if I said she wasn’t pretty fucking excited!” you giggled.

“I knew it!” she grabs a pillow throwing it at you.

“Ugh, Ind. How is he so insanely hot at 5 in the morning?”

“Ok, so we definitely need to collab on what you’re wearing tonight.”

“Can I please have a moment to decompress from what just happened?”

And just then you hear a knock at your door. It was Ari coming to check in on Indy. “Well, can you wait to ‘decompress’ until I leave?” she said as she walked over to the door to let Ari in.

“Oh my god…” you whined, burying your face in the pillow she just threw at you.

“What happened to her?” Ari asks Indy as they walk into the living room.

“She hasn’t had her coffee yet,” she winks at you.

“Oh, I can get you some coffee, Belle. How do you take it?”

“No, Ari, you don’t have to worry about me. There’s a coffee shop downstairs, I’ll go there.”

“Alright, suit yourself,” she said as she pulled some scripts out from her bag and arranged them on the dining table for Indy.

“Ok, I’m going to go get dressed and get a workout in before the meetings start,” she says to Ari. “B, I’ll see you later. I expect you to be fully decompressed,” she winks.

You get up from the couch, walk back to your room, raise your arm in the air, and give her the finger.

You collapse on your bed, smiling like an idiot and thinking about what just transpired.

Holy shit. Did he say he was looking forward to tonight? With that, you snap up and frantically start to unpack, laying out options on your bed. While unpacking, you came across your trusty vibrator. You debate what to do, knowing it really wouldn’t take long based on your morning so far. Going to switch it on, you realized the batteries died.

“Ugh,” you whined, collapsing back on your bed. Reminder to self to grab batteries when I go to the store. Frustrated, you grab your phone to check the time and do some mental math to figure out if you had time to take care of yourself before showering, getting ready, and heading down to meet Meredith.

Just then, you feel your phone buzz and it’s a text from Meredith.

MEREDITH: Good morning sunshine! Hope your flight in was good. Our deliveries just got in … I’m going to head down but could you meet me a little earlier than we planned?

BELLE: Hey! The jet lag is kicking my ass and I’ve been up for a while, so I can definitely be down soon.

Ugh.

You rush through getting ready so you could get out of your room.

Holy fucking shit. Seeing her in what she probably had worn to sleep made Dieter’s brain stop working. He was pretty pleased with himself with the whole cookie thing, but the longer he stared at her, the more he felt himself getting excited. He didn’t want to stare, but every so often he’d catch of glimpse of her nipples hard underneath the thin material of her tank top. He had been half-hard for most of the conversation, hoping she hadn’t noticed and thankful that the balcony somewhat obscured his lower half.

As he walked inside, his mind was racing, going over the last few minutes. How could someone look that beautiful so early in the morning?

Now in the comfort and safety of his suite and walking back into his room he was fully hard and ready to go. Debating what to do, Dieter made his way to his bathroom to take a shower, figuring he could just take care of himself there and clear his mind. But, part of him felt a little guilty, like it was invasive almost, to jack off to what amounted to a five-minute interaction with her.

As he was grabbing some clothes and starting the water, he heard his phone buzz. Great fucking timing Lizzie.

“What?”

“Well, aren’t you in a lovely mood this morning? Usually, people start off with a ‘hi’ or ‘How’s it going’ or ‘Hey thanks for setting me up in a kickass suite you are the best agent ever.”

Rolling his eyes, Dieter tries to cool his annoyance and manages a “Hi Lizzie. How’s it going?”

“That’s better! Well, I’m good, busy day so far. Calling to let you know that I’m going to be there day after next. I got you booked for an interview.”

“An interview? With who?” he can tell this isn’t going to be a quick conversation.

“A local magazine in the islands. They are excited about the show filming and want to talk with you and Mitch, and get a few shots of you too.”

“Why me? I’m not one of the leads. Shouldn’t that be Indy or Sam?”

“True, but neither of them is an Oscar-winning actor, Dee.”

“Lizzie, can we talk about this later. I’m kind of busy.”

“Have you met your neighbors yet?” he could hear her smirking.

“Wha-what?”

“Your neighbors? Indy and her friend are next door to you. Have you seen them yet?”

“I. Uh, how do you know that?”

“Well, I take it you did!”

Dieter felt like he was in the twilight zone. It was still super early, he was groggy, horny, flustered, and confused.

“Well, I’ll leave you to it. Try and have some fun tonight at Mitch’s.”

“Yea, ok Liz. I have to go.”

How did she know whose room I was next to?

The rest of your day was honestly a blur. Between unpacking and setting up the hair and makeup trailers and meeting the rest of the stylists, it was fun and a little exhausting. Although you all weren’t shooting tomorrow, there was still going to be a lot of prep work to get done while the cast did a read-through of the first episode. Meredith wanted everything in order for when shooting started in a couple of days.

After lunch, you glanced at your phone and rolled your eyes at the text from Indy.

INDY: Soooo …. Feeling better? 😉

BELLE: 🪫I need to buy batteries. 😿

INDY: Don’t you have hands? Two of them? Or a showerhead? Or fruit? I could go on…

BELLE: 🙄

INDY: Well, if it makes you feel any better it looks like Dieter is a bit on edge too.

BELLE: Oh stop it, that has nothing to do with me.

INDY: Maybe, maybe not 🤷‍♀️

BELLE: Ok byeeee! What time do you think you’ll be back to the room?

INDY: Shouldn’t be much longer. Please have several options ready and waiting for me when I arrive!

You get through the rest of your packing and then the Assistant Director takes the crew on a walk-through of the rest of the set. Most of the filming was taking place nearby or at the resort, so production made the decision to have the home base be the resort. Everyone was excited about the party later in the night, so you all broke early to give everyone time to change.

You had only been in the room for a few minutes before you hear the click of the lock and Indy bounded in.

“Ok, let’s figure this shit out … we have work to do!” she made a beeline for your bedroom, smiling ear to ear.

You have to admit that you were excited. The prospect of dressing up for someone made you giddy, but there was a nagging voice in the back of your head. What if you misread it. He wasn’t flirting with you, he was just being nice. There’s going to be hotter girls there, so he won’t even notice you.

“Get out of your head,” Indy said as she walked around your bed quietly inventorying your selections. “Well, I don’t see any swimsuit options, but that’s fine,” she sighs. “Well, I like one of these two.” She grabs a pair of shorts you had paired with a flowy tank. The other option was a long, flowy dress - the top was black and the skirt was a beautiful tropical print. “Do you want to know which one I’d pick and then the one I know you’re going to go with?” She’s a fucking mind reader.

Without giving you a chance to rebut, she answers for you. “If it were me and I were you, I would choose the shorts.” You roll your eyes. “You have a great ass and it looks amazing in these sorts.” She’s not wrong, it was one of your go-tos because you liked how it looked, a rarity for things in your closet. “But, because you are you, I know you are picking the dress.” Well, yea, it covers more of my body. “You realize that he already saw you in your little tank and shorts this morning, right?”

“Ok, but I’m not dressing just for him, there are other people there too and I want to look nice.”

“Whatever you say,” she smirks, lifting her hands in the air sarcastically.

“How are you going to do your hair?”

“I’m thinking down with some beachy waves.” A signature of yours if your hair wasn’t up.

“Ok, I love that.”

“And simple makeup, it’s so freaking hot outside still.”

“Good!”

“What are you wearing? Is Sam going to be excited to see you?” you tease.

Whenever Indy had a crush on someone she would talk about them non-stop, but with Sam it was different. You knew she was into him, but it was almost as if she didn’t want you to know how into him she was. Despite that, you still noticed whenever she would slip up and mention him, with a wistful look in her eyes.

“Well …if you must know, I’m thinking swimsuit with my black coverup.”

“Which suit, green or blue?” The green was the more risque of the two, but the blue one looked phenomenal on her.

“Blue,” she blushes.

“Indy! Are you blushing?! What the fuck!” you skip over to her, shaking her shoulders.

Her smile could not get any wider. “Ok, let’s get ready and head out!”

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A/N: We are in Hawaii friends! So the island they are on is actually pretty special to me, I've been to it several times and it's literally my favorite place on earth. So this is my letter love letter to it. Thank you for reading. Seriously, every comment, reblog, and like just makes my day. This has been so fun to do.

Let me know if you want to be added to the tag list or if I inadvertently left you off or added you by mistake. :)

Tag list: @musings-of-a-rose / @legendary-pink-dot / @bitchwitch1981 / @mysterious-moonstruck-musings / @gracie7209 / @amneris21

#dieter bravo #dieter bravo fanfic #dieter bravo fanfiction #dieter x reader #dieter bravo x oc #pedro pascal fandom #pedro pascal fic #working title fic

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chibivesicle · 1 year

Text

The woes of running a secret organization; Steven’s burden and complex partnership with K.K.

It is time for some manga meta for Kekkai Sensen! Yes, we will be delving into manga only content through Back 2 Back and the Calamity Auction arc. Anyone who has been reading my meta since Golden Kamuy means I have a love of certain types of characters and Steven and K.K. really fall into that type.

I’m really interested to delve into Steven first and then K. K. (in a later post) but she’ll be in this one for sure because K. K. is intimately tied to Steven all the time in the manga (and I don’t mean in a sexual sort of way).

My previous Steven meta was only based on the anime for the most part and up through episode 7 of season 2. Which really is more stuff from what should have happened before events of season 1. Yet, I digress. I’ve already put out there that Steven has an immense sadness about him in part with how he’s alone and has been making life choices to keep himself alone.

One should always be concerned if this is how you encounter him in the dead of night.

Steven is the ice cold pragmatist to Klaus’ fire filled idealism. Certainly, one always needs to look for that single flicker of light but Klaus can state this openly since someone else is in the dark corners trying to make sure it happens. That being Steven.

Kekkai Sensen characterization and moral conflict scenes

Early on when Steven and K. K. take on the first named Blood Breed in the 23rd Street Station, K. K. gives him absolute shit for being with such a black hearted man. This implies that K. K. is knowledgeable or bold enough to verbally acknowledge that Steven doesn’t always do things above the board. Which likely means that Klaus has to know this as well on some level. Klaus isn’t naive, he’s more compassionate than most but will still crush you if you are inhumane.

Early on, Steven is set up as the deadpan snarker, with a quick quip or sarcastic comment. He loves his coffee and can get seriously hangry (where is my subway sandwich?) and does a lot of boring paperwork that no one else does.

We learn that in ‘Day In Day Out’ about his swanky condo, sophisticated, educated circle of human friends. Who aren’t really good friends.

It says a lot that he’s got Mrs. Veded as his Beyondian housekeeper with whom he is relaxed and chill with. He even appreciates her roast beef enough to smile softly commenting on it.

We also get to see how his relaxed clothing is a white dress shirt, dark pants and slippers. Not only is he in his own home, but Steven is always on guard when out and about. It took me a few reads of this to notice that the manga showing his slippers indicates that he is safe with her. He’s not wearing his special Esmeralda Blood Freeze shoes.

I am always a sucker for domestic scenes and love the one with him chopping and cooking with Mrs. Veded for his party. The first person to arrive is Ellen with her new boyfriend/male fling/something.

Steven is blushing hardcore as he smiles at first. I think it is pretty clear that they were involved romantically at some point in time previously. This is backed up by the next page. They hug while the other guy is just standing there and Ellen even tells Veded that her tentacles look great which is like your hair looks great. I think. She then finally introduces her date.

That is totally a sort of, yeah here was my past fling current date vibe there. The other guests then start to arrive. Everyone seems to know that Steven is overworked and they joke about helping him to party more.

What is most telling though is when he approaches Veded. We can see that his shoes are his work shoes. If he felt okay with the guests, than he’d perhaps wear non-vampire hunting shoes, but he’s got them on.

He thanks Veded for her help and makes it very very clear that she’s done for the night. Only after she leaves does he get a severe expression and tells himself to get things started.

There are almost two pages of all the guests at the dinner party talking to each other in groups while Steven is - completely absent. We only see him when he volunteers to get beer for a few people who are out from the kitchen. When his back is turned to them, they all draw their bioweapons on him and it becomes awkward as they request that he come with them or else. They lay down their job to capture him as a key member of Libra and he at first tries to jest with them.

His snark is on full force when he thanks them for not killing him violently and destroying his place. But even more so that if they wasted that precious Veded roast beef. If Steven cares about you - he really takes anything related to you seriously. Was that roast beef made with care and attention? Yes, thus, the roast beef is to be protected!

The entire group is frozen by his Needles of Absolute Zero attack and then he proceeds to tell them how they blew it. The manga takes it even further with more examples of his observations of various people. His comment about Ellen’s perfume continues the idea that they had been involved when he tells her, that she was previously worried about it being too strong. You’d have to be up close and personal for someone to worry enough about if your perfume is too strong for them.

They of course think that Steven has Libra do his dirty work but that is not the case, he reveals to them that he’s got his own squad to deal with threats like this - ones that can impact key members of Libra, like himself and eliminate them before they get to the rest of the team. Their job is to maintain balance and Steven will maintain that balance.

Steven is also bold enough to reveal that Klaus wouldn’t condone what is about to happen to them with his personal crew but that being interrogated is not going to be good.

He leaves his subordinate to clean things up while he goes out for fresh air with a look of utter defeat and sadness. The man can’t even have a dinner party without people wanting to kidnap/torture/kill him. Fun times. The fact that he goes out alone and then thinks back to the friends he froze and sent off for intel purposes. That has got to suck on so many levels, but what would you do? Let them kill you? Use you to hurt your friends and colleagues and disrupt that balance?

His entire lambasting of himself for having too much fun and being normal is sad and pathetic in the worst way possible. He can’t have any happiness or friends with his job.

Which is why when Veded stops by to check in on him with the party already being over it is so heart warming. He gets to thank her properly. Technically, his party was a complete failure but she was great. He also is polite and friendly with her kids. How many times do humans in Kekkai Sensen act totally normal with Beyondians besides Leo that we see?

This entire interaction between Steven and Veded’s family and the cat shows that he’s someone who cares about all of the residents of HL and wants to protect all of them. He also gives thanks and means it, not some sort of lip service. Other than Leo, the only other character who has totally normal actions with Beyondians on a regular basis is Klaus, but Klaus is the ultimate example of this. This is also before Zed joined their team so the current Libra line up lacked a full non-human.

Another aspect of Steven that is established very early on in volume 1 is how he will act when someone acts against Libra. In this case, it is when Leo was kidnapped.

He is organizing the entire team to rescue Leo to make it clear that whatever you do, Libra will comeback with way more force to make you suffer. And the rest of the team doesn’t have an issue with this policy, they all follow it and operate with full force to stop the other party. AKA, You hurt someone on my team, I will make you suffer tenfold more.

We also get another example of Steven using any means necessary to acquire information in volume 6 about criminal activity in the city. Including seducing a police officer and stealing a USB drive from her. He clearly left her hot and bothered and is strolling along alone before spotting Klaus. Whatever they were up to, he took of his jacket and tie and unbuttoned his dress shirt and things were getting heated. Until he isn’t and he quickly makes himself presentable for the general public (which in his case is tie and jacket).

He’s cold as he shows him the drive. Klaus didn’t even ask him to tell him about it, and Steven isn’t cocky either.

However, this is really it for the first ten volumes. We know he has his personal squad for dirty but necessary deeds, has definitely used his sex appeal to his advantage and is very protective of those he cares about.

The story continues on with Kekkai Sensen Back 2 Back for another ten volumes.

Kekkai Sensen Back 2 Back increases the stakes for Steven’s actions

We get the return of Steven’s personal clean up squad, who also get some more fleshed out information than just being giant thugs.

The background is made clear, for two weeks, Klaus is traveling around the world for Libra business with Gilbert and K. K. That’s right, Steven’s most frequent partner is out of the country.

We learn that Zapp and Zed are in the hospital after being seriously injured by a foe they barely escaped. This indirectly tells us that someone is out there targeting Libra while Klaus, K.K. and Gilbert are away. This means that Steven is in charge.

Patrick really hammers this home for the reading making it obvious that this was not normal and we get this guy named Garrett introduced. He decides to purchase something crazy dangerous and Patrick is concerned about giving him something so powerful.

But in the end, he heads out (notice the number of deadbolts on that door!).

Of course this random guy named Garrett is immediately drawn in such a way that we are suspicious of him. He looks like he’s just walking calmly away but then we see his face shaded in darkness. He’s got an agenda for sure.

Obvious suspicious character warning 101 right here. He proceeds to go into a diner. A lithe individual with a baseball cap and glasses sits down next to him and does something super fast to connect to the man’s phone. The mysterious team gain critical information and decide it is time to contact “Frost”. I’m sorry Steven, but pick a better code name 9_9 .

They speak simply in fear of someone else overhearing them and we can only think who will be woken up. As in these individuals aren’t free to do their own things and have a specific job.

Garrett drives to an abandoned alleyway and arrives at his meeting place. Only to find Steven alone. He at first seems concerned and when he realizes it is Steven his eyes fly open in shock.

We see a very closed off and cold Steven. He’s still slouching but subdued and not looking up either. He is incredibly calm as he addresses Garrett making it clear that the jig is up and Garrett should give up.

Of course, those who he was working with appear. It is the woman from before directly addressing him for figuring out that they’d infiltrated Libra. Thus, Steven is also using himself as bait to draw out the nefarious party. However, he makes it clear that Steven’s behavior is one where he lacks trust in them.

I would think that it is less about Steven not trusting them, but more that it is his job to protect them from having to deal with this. Or that he feels that it is his job to protect the rest of the team from this dirty work. Additionally, Steven wants to punish those who hurt his teammates. Way back in chapter 4, Steven made it clear if someone fucks with Libra they will respond in kind. Of course he hasn’t changed how he feels about these sorts of things since he first appeared in volume 1. She seriously injured Zed and Zapp and Steven is not going to let her forget about that.

His squad is able to pin down the tricky tentacle monster and he asks if they are going to kill her or not. Yet, it seems that she might be in trouble having tussled with them even if they try to get information out of her. Steven maintains a straight face at Garrett looks concerned.

The expression from Steven where he looks dumbfounded that Garrett is assuming that he’s a cold-blooded man seeing all beings as disposable which is harsh. However, he does add that what will happen to her isn’t going to be pleasant. Intelligence seems sexy when you think of James Bond movies and Spy x Family, but so much of it represents an incredibly dark side of human nature. Think more along the lines of Tinker Tailor Solider Spy. Focusing on the lack of humanity demonstrated by the agents and the KGB and what snippets we get today from US intelligence etc etc etc.

What is most interesting is that Steven takes the time to explain why he’s doing what he’s doing. Which honestly, I don’t think Garrett needs or deserves this since the context would imply that Garrett was a voluntary defector trying to take down Libra. The fact that he was eavesdropping on Leo’s conversation with Patrick and Neyka implies that Garrett was confirming that she hurt them and likely helped her to cross paths with them.

Steven is completely business about this. He is managing a crisis, where he has a rat who has compromised the nature of Libra. Yes, he’s going to find out what Garrett knows methodically.

In the face of such a terrifying thought, Garrett of course asks if this is the real Steven and throws out the obvious comparison to Klaus, upright to a fault. This was the absolutely worst thing that he could say to Steven. His eyes narrow and his expression becomes so awful that Garrett is shocked.

The bottom panel shows a man who is beyond upset. He’s sad, disappointed, angry, resigned, foul, and worn out. Steven doesn’t want to do this. It isn’t like he gets up in the morning wondering if he’ll get to interrogate a traitor, who already injured several of his colleagues and was going to injure more.

The action then shifts to the morning as they had limited time to act at night to capture Garrett and get to work. Steven is outside talking with his assistant as they discuss Garrett’s words about what Klaus would think about the situation. The assistant notes that even though Klaus would ultimately reach the same conclusion, he would have tried to take on the pain of someone like Garrett until his actions resulted in the inevitable self-destruction by his actions, likely at the hands of Libra.

The nameless aid is trying his best to make Steven feel better. He believes that one who is the direct aide to a leader is to keep that leader on their path by dealing with things that would distract them and prevent them from being overburdened with more responsibilities. And here, I 100% think that Steven’s aide believes this and is how he does his job as the coordinator for Steven’s squad.

Steven ask him to confirm the statement and he makes it clear that it is the truth. However, the blank expression on Steven’s face tells us that he doesn’t have that sort of faith in his actions. First, hesitant to speak and then only to say “That would be nice, but” and he never completes the statement.

The rest of the team wants him to return since they are having a post-mission office party. I mean, gotta keep up team morale for preventing more damage to Libra. In the end, Steven approves a drink for the strange baby genius and we never get to learn what Steven is thinking but it is clear that he does feel guilty and doesn’t want this to be a part of his job.

This entire chapter shows that Steven is willing to do that it takes to protect the balance, in the city, within Libra and his friends and colleagues.

But this chapter is a teaser preview for the next time that Steven wonders what is right and necessary in a crisis. Again, when he is in charge since Klaus was arrested and he ordered Steven to take the rest of the team and escape.

The evil human eating pot broke open releasing a monstrous creature that Leo rescued and took to the hospital. Using the All Seeing Eyes of the Gods, he determines that the horrible creature is what remains of some of the victims of the pot and the auction house wants it returned to them to put back in the pot.

What is also important to note is that most of the team are present, K. K., Zapp, Zed, Leo and Steven. Leo reveals to the group that the ‘thing’ is human and Steven hunches over it asking if it is alive.

The group needs to determine what to do next. He then looks to the medical professionals for an opinion, where they aren’t sure what to do other than note, it is seriously messed up. Steven knows that it will likely draw trouble to them or cause more so he keeps his back to them when he tells them to leave. The flushed expression on his face and inability to see his eyes tells us that he’s thinking of how to put it out of its misery.

He’s officially the one in charge and he’s thinking about what is the least risky thing to do. Leo argues back that the children that were fed to it are still alive and this wasn’t their choice. But the one who agrees with Steven is Zapp who manifests his blade and tells Leo to think rationally. The easiest way is to prevent it from returning to the jar and completing the curse.

Zapp is thinking that these already non-humans have to be sacrificed to prevent the worse option from happening.

However, Zed then jumps in to fight Zapp, agreeing with Leo that it isn’t their place to kill it. What is really great about the entire scene is that no morality is black or white and the Libra team are all using slightly different ways to look at the exact same situation. As Zed and Zapp come to blows, Luciana stops them and makes it clear that no one is fighting or killing anything in the hospital.

Steven then asks if they can remove it from the hospital to destroy it elsewhere. The facial expression that he has is just so - ugh - why are you trying to hold this entire burden yourself Steven?

Yes, you are going to use the letter of the law to defeat the spirit of the law. He looks absolutely terrible trying to think about what to do to protect everyone else. Unlike the previous chapter with his interrogation squad and their hyper rational mindset that a second in command must do what ever it takes to support their leader, K. K. finally speaks having sat quietly in the background. She does not mince her words, instead she acts like the brakes on his runaway train of thought. Asking if he’s sure about it and using his full name for emphasis. And then asking the question again implying he’d drop to the level he’s thinking about going.

And as she asks him, she furthermore tells him that she thought he was on the same page as Klaus and his beliefs. This causes him to snap back into the situation. We can see that his eyes are back to being both focused and more open in shock at her direct words to him. K. K. isn’t screaming at him or being passionate, she delivered her words calmly and directly. And it works. The grim unfocused expression then becomes aware and we can see his facial expression has shifted to tense and upset. He was literally trying to disassociate himself from the situation until K. K. drags him back from the abyss.

Now, that pause is good as it stops Steven from snowballing himself to his own personal mental hell and more guilt. It is also bad as it has given the brutal Tycoon brothers time to arrive to steal it back. As their vampire gate manifests above him we see the look of absolute fear on Steven’s face as he’s seriously fucked.

With the situation spiraling out of control, it speaks to the level of trust between Steven and K. K. The two of them immediately spring into action to give the rest of the team time to escape. Steven’s kick is blocked and he gets tossed over K. K. who dodges him and manages to get close range shots at them.

K. K. may have questioned Steven’s potential action but she’s still going to defend her partner. With Steven down for a short time, K. K. orders Leo, Zapp and Zed to leave. Zapp tries to get in on the action -

Only for Steven to tell him to retreat. K. K. and Steven are better equipped to fight them and they need someone to protect Leo and the escaped merged human monster from the pot. The way that K. K. and Steven naturally stand up and next to each other shows that they know what the need to do. Additionally, neither of them actually exchanged words. Both of them gave orders to the rest of the group and not to each other. This is different than our earlier K. K. and Steven scenes where Steven tries to keep them focused and K. K. complains about being teamed up with him. They’ve fully accepted and understand how they work as a team.

To convince Zapp to retreat, Steven still has to tell Zapp that he needs to do so and that he trusts him enough to figure out how to make things work. Steven is an excellent manager of people and it shows when Zapp stands down.

Of course the situation becomes dire as Steven and K. K. get seriously wounded trying to take on the brothers. Only Leo is able to step in to mess with their vision thus allowing for both groups to retreat.

Is the fact that Steven got seriously wounded sort of karmic for thinking about destroying it? Likely not, as K. K. also suffered the same fate.

When Leo is on the run with the child monster of the pot, it is Steven who sneaks out of the hospital with K. K. of course. I find it adorable that he apologizes to her as though his actions are inconveniencing her and she only smiles in reply knowing that he would not be able to sit back and recover while Leo was in danger.

K. K. knows him too well and she only can tease him that he’d have to become involved. The humor then shifts when Steven gets to some sort of stash he has in a parking garage. K. K. then gets to bitch at him for having a hidden change of clothing (since it is clearly a personal stash for him). But the second panel is adorable. We see his hand already wearing his blue shirt hold out a spare pair of pants. And he apologizes asking if they would be okay. Both Steven and K. K. are blushing as she accepts it. You can see the blush under Steven’s right eye and K. K. under her left. But that’s not all, being the gentleman that he is, he continues to change in the garage with his back to her as she puts on the pants in the car.

He unlocks his phone and gets on the Libra network while tightening his tie. All Libra members are to find and protect Leo. Right after sending it, he gets a backlog of Klaus’ texts to him after he broke out of jail. That look of absolute shock as Steven has returned to his full strict mom mode.

That look of annoyance as he can’t get a hold of Klaus! As the Calamity Auction arc comes to an end, the group are able to reconnect with Klaus and Leo at the shifting dimensional auction house. As the hardworking teammates return to his aid, Klaus gives them a simple “Thank you.”

He’s looking a little rough around the edges but had committed to protecting Leo and the inhuman-human pot victim. The expression on Steven’s face as Klaus continues to say that he’s been waiting for them. Interestingly, this time, when we only see Steven’s mouth and nose, we don’t need to worry about if his eyes look unfocused and burdened. The serious expression, softens to a grin and we know that Steven is glad to have Klaus back.

They are best when they are all functioning as a team. I look at it this way, Libra is the extra-governmental organization that maintains the balance of the worlds. And within Libra itself each team member maintains balance within the organization to give the world balance. The entire team rushed there to help Klaus so he didn’t hold the burden alone with Leo. They are stronger as a team than as individuals.

Another great scene is in the chaotic final a battle, K. K. and Steven work together to hamper part of Curious’ personal team. K. K. spots the monitoring spy eye. She shoots it out preventing a remote response.

And right after K. K. does her job, Steven steps in to finish it off after K. K.’s electrified bullets do their action. Again, no verbal communication between these two. They really work well together.

Seriously, the level of understanding between them is great.

What I really liked about the whole season of Back 2 Back was how it took a lot of the moral grey area questions and pulled them front and center. It continues to force the cast to ask themselves hard questions to which there are no correct answers to. Instead, those questions are answered on each person’s individual morality and limits. What actions can these people take and still sleep well at night. What is something they cannot do.

Steven is a complex character - and therefore, likely why many readers really like him. He isn’t someone who does questionable things because they are the most logical or rational way to act in the situation. He’s doing them out of his role in Libra, to protect others and to maintain the balance in the big picture. He tries to carry the burden of his actions and finds himself not convinced by the words of his own personal problem solving squad. Which tells us that he likely wants to be able to be more like Klaus or Leo than like them.

Steven understands worry - I think back to the first volume where Steven sees how worried Klaus is - trying to look calm when Leo was kidnapped and then reminding himself that Klaus is tying himself in knots. It is clear that any member of the cast can slide down that slippery slope of ‘but it was required for the cause.’ I feel like there is more to the interaction in the hospital as Zapp does not hesitate to second what Steven is thinking. Zapp doesn’t want to do something terrible but he also thinks of the bigger picture. Zed falls on the other side making them a two versus two. Until K. K. steps in and calls Steven out. It goes to show how much Steven respects K. K. and likely does not see her as someone to give orders to like Zapp, Leo or Zed and instead sees her as a peer.

Steven was clearly betrayed in the past - What I really want are Steven and K. K.’s backstories. I think that it would really inform us of how they came to be and why both of them are so strong and stubborn at times. I can’t help but think that Steven’s scar came from a situation where his trust was betrayed or someone in charge seriously fucked up. He will not let that shit happen again, not with his team the only people he cares about besides his housekeeper. And the general public at large.

K. K. is Steven’s other half - The two of them are an amazing pair. They don’t need to speak and when they do, they are either apologizing or annoying the other one. Yet, they totally respect each other. Steve keeps K. K. serious and focused at times while she prevents him from digging himself into a deeper moral black hole.

Steven is overly involved in making sure that things work and it clearly is something that he feels like he has to do or need to do. When there might be other options.

Daniel Law leaves us off with his own personal motto, “It is my general rule to not trust anyone.”

Sooooo really, Steven has more faith in people than our police detective.

In the future, Steven, please get a therapist. Take some time off for a spa day, shopping for new [same] yellow ties, trying to get his messy hair styled, reading multiple print newspapers and drink high quality small batch roasted coffee. Or buy more artwork for your swanky condo and most importantly, please sleep.

#kekkai sensen #kekkai sensen meta #kekkai sensen manga #steven a starphase #k.k.#kekkai sensen back 2 back #calamity auction #Yasuhiro Nightow #kkss

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batsarebetterthanpeople · 7 months

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blorbo question: what kinds of drugs do you think ed would be into? which ones would help him and which ones would make him feel worse?

Ok so I project onto Ed so this might be colored by my own drug experiences, but I'll do my best. I'll tell you generally what I think he'd like and the I'll put up a cut and go through all the ones I've done and tell you how I think Ed would be on them.

General before I get into specifics. Canonically he uses stimulants during the Kraken era and weed socially. However I do kinda feel like Rhino Horn is not his favorite drug just the most manageable way to get a hit of endorphins while also being able to oversee raids so he can break Ned Lowe's record. I am biased because I'm a psychedelic enjoyer, but Ed's a pretty confident guy who doesn't really second guess himself until after he acts (lbr the man did not second guess fucking knife parade for like multiple years and he doesn't apologize). Of course he also hates himself but I don't think that makes him not confident, which being confident and not immediately second guessing yourself is a great personality for producing good hallucinogenic experiences. Hallucinogens are usually great if you're not afraid of them. And I also think that Ed wants to be taken out of his life for a little bit and hallucinogens are conducive to that. I think he and Jack probably did a bit of P&P back in the day and I think ecstasy was probably their favorite because Jack is a tweaker and Ed is a psychedelics guy. Now that he and Stede are together he's doing poppers.

Onto specifics. What makes him better, what makes him worse

Ok here's the drugs I have experience with: Meth, Mushrooms, Weed, Coke, LSD, GHB, and DMT. So I'll just give you those.

Let's start with coke and weed because we have canon evidence for those.

Cocaine Rhino Horn- ok so for me personally coke kinda ain't shit. It's the best stimulant by far (ecstasy is a stimulant/hallucinogen so I'm not counting it because it's also something else) but it's still just sort of me but faster. I've said many a time that Coke is my ADHD meds but horny and Meth is like my ADHD meds but evil. I can drive on the shit literally better than I drive sober because I am less distracted. And before someone accuses me of micro dosing I can pack the shit away, I do twice as much as whoever I'm with and get half as high, every ounce of coke ive ever done was waisted on me. I have fun on it it's not a bad feeling but I it's like if coffee was poppers rather than a real drug. I think Ed probably has a similar experience here with being relatively coherent because we see him doing raids while high on the stuff. I think coke is giving him that little euphoria bump he needs to be passively suicidal instead of actively suicidal and not much else. That said once I did like three lines and then went to the wrong bus station subsequently missing my bus (I ordered my Uber before doing the coke so it was not the coke's fault) and I had a tantrum but I did not cry or start doom spiraling over the 200$ I was forced to pay, so I'm gonna go with a tentative better? For how coke makes Ed.

Weed- Ed also displays a high tolerance here, given that he shares a blunt with Mary and then he's sober in the next scene. That being said I think if he had more than half a blunt he would get emotional very quickly. If he's in a good mood he gets clingy and everyone around him is his favorite person and if he's in a bad mood he starts crying. Weed would make him worse and I know this about him

Meth- Tina is my enemy I hate her. They told me it was highly addictive and would make you crazy and then it just gave me insomnia and a weird bowl movement. Did you know while on meth you don't get hungry but you do get hangry? You can't sleep you can't eat but your body doesn't stop needing to eat and sleep. I've done meth exactly twice and once was on accident (the idiot I smoked shrooms with didn't clean his fucking pipe and I did not realize I had imbibed methamphetamine until about 24 hours later when I had been trying and failing to sleep for roughly 10 hours). Anyway I think given how hangry Ed gets meth would make him worse in every conceivable way. Meth also makes me more focused so I think he would invent some diabolical scheme and it would be a genuinely good one and then he would also lose his fucking mind and pulverize the next thing to surprise him after not eating for 18 hours (imagine the snake scene from 1x07 but on... Well on meth I guess) and cry because he is so so tired.

GHB- for those of you not in the know this is a depressant but not an opioid that is sometimes used as a daterape drug because it's got an incredibly dangerous interaction with alcohol but is mostly manageable on its own. It's not entirely dissimilar to high doses of alcohol in its high ill be honest, but maybe I just haven't had enough depressants to be able to tease apart their distinct personalities. I enjoyed this one but I think I'm gonna let my experience diverge from Ed's a little bit here. I don't think he would be a fan. He might be alright with it if he and Stede were doing it together as a sexual aid, but it tastes really bad, like putting bitterant directly into your mouth levels of bad, and we know Ed is a sweet tooth. The poor old man would also get tired on it a lot quicker than I did, and I remember laying there like I was asleep with a pleasant buzz in my brain and not really wanting to get up for quite a bit of it.

DMT- So dmt isn't good unless you're doing a near death experience type breakthrough trip otherwise you see some fun colors for 20 minutes and then it's over. I cannot speak to the breakthrough trip because I did it with a Grindr date and I did not want to be at his mercy for a half an hour while I was experiencing The Tunnel. However from what I've heard of the breakthrough trip, that shit is a mental game. You don't want to do that third rip but you've gotta. Ed loves to win at games and he's got some mental fortitude so I think he would flex how much he likes DMT. It would make him WORSE

LSD- I love her everyone loves her Lucy is my best friend. She's a bit... Lovecraftian but certainly not in a bad way. I think acid would really depend where Ed was at mentally. Like Ed when Stede is around would have a good time taking to the universe. I think that talking to the universe during the Kraken era could go really well or really really horrendously. On the one hand I wonder if ego death might actually be good for him? Like feeling like you're one with everything and like you aren't real could be either freeing for a guy who hates himself that much or it could end up making him hate everything because his self hatred could get as expensive as his dissolving ego. I think immediately pre Stede however acid would not be the best idea this is a vibe I'm getting. Acid has the potential to go either way on the better worse question.

Mushrooms- mushrooms have always been really nice to me but I need to be up and doing something while I'm on them. Totally a club drug for me. I know that's an insane thing to say but I think my brain chemistry may be fucked up. Anyway this does not make Ed better or worse but it does make him look at stuff and giggle which is objectively cute.

#drug posting #ed teach #ofmd

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impromptu-sketches · 11 months

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Because nobody asked, here’s an example of why I love Giovanni so much - especially compared to some other common BL tops that are also presidents/directors at their company.

First, relatable ¯\(ツ)/¯

Second, he literally just wants to go home to be with his new lover ♡♡

In the beginning, Giovanni is kind of shown as a common BL top trope: rich president with a bad personality - also seductive and stubborn.

But unlike others, Giovanni doesn’t really care about his status or wealth that much. He’s shown to be a huge giver to the people he loves, mainly to Felix and Felix’s family, and he doesn’t use his position to get things unfairly.

(slight spoiler in this paragraph) - When bad things happen out of his control and Felix gets hurt/is in trouble, he literally gives up his COMPANY for Felix in order to protect him. Idk about you, but other characters would just kill someone, threaten someone, or use their connections to get what they want. But Giovanni? He didn’t have a lot of options and he chose to give away -everything- he worked so hard for. And that means a LOT when you know that Giovanni was an orphan and has the chronic disease of always being cold - always being uncomfortable (which kind of explains some of his bad personality because I too am a bit snappy when I’m freezing cold for a long time, kind of like being hangry. But I digress). Yes, he was adopted into a nice family and his brother is also a president of a company who has his back - and he does use that to get into a new position - but that’s motivated by him wanting to keep an eye on the person who hurt Felix!! Before that, you see him and his brother working together and keeping work completely separate from their relationship, he even declined a project to Giovanni’s company and Giovanni was like ‘it can’t be helped.’ Just saying, he’s not one to abuse his power (unless it’s to help or protect someone else).

He is just so down to earth and where other characters choose questionable methods, he gives what he can give in order to protect the one he loves. And honestly, this is just a reflection of his whole personality. He's very ‘I don’t care about anyone or anything but you’ and I love that about him ( ˘͈ ᵕ ˘͈♡)

I could go on... and I will.

Thirdly, when you think about Giovanni’s past, it’s actually so sad. His family abandoned him when he was young because of his condition, he was an orphan, got adopted into a nice family, and worked his way up to be president of a company. But for his whole life he can’t feel warmth at all. He even gets bullied because of his condition. So he goes through life cold, freezing, and as far as we know, pretty much alone. He does have his family but from what we see in the story he only interacts with his brother Leo, and that’s mainly through work and Leo calling to check up on him. Multiple times Giovanni threatens to never speak to him again if he oversteps (little bit dramatic if you ask me). He lives alone in a huge place - Felix even points it out, ‘no wonder he’s so cold in a place like this.’ It’s shown that he’s not that close to his subordinates at work or anyone else in his life.

~ Until he meets Felix ~ But it’s hilarious that Felix was just like ‘I love you, please go out with me’ and Giovanni was like... ‘nah, not interested.’ And it was only when they touched hands and he felt warmth for the first time that he gave Felix any attention.

I mean, when Felix first approaches him, Giovanni is drinking alone at a bar, not looking like he’s in a good mood. When Felix tries to sit with him and flirt he shuts him down and leaves looking annoyed. But when their hands touch, he feels warmth and so he gives in.

The story starts there and as the story goes on we see that the only person he cares about, really the only close person in his life is Felix.

(spoilers in this paragraph) - Felix on the other hand, has his mother and sister and is basically being threatened to do what he’s doing to keep them safe. And later we learn that Giovanni picks up on this and - thanks to the persistence of his brother - learns that Felix is using him. And he lets him. Mostly because he doesn’t want to give up that warmth he -finally- feels in his life. Also because he starts having feelings for Felix, but they’re really one in the same. He finally feels warmth, he finally feels love, he finally receives love. It’s no wonder that a large plot later on is that he’s worried Felix will leave him.

I also think it’s the cutest thing that Giovanni has Felix’s contact saved as ‘Miracle ♥’ and has this photo of him sleeping as his background

♡*:.。ღ˘◡˘ற.。.:*♡

In conclusion, I love Giovanni

#hold me tight #hold me tight manhwa #giovanni x felix #giovanni ma #felix gi #nabit #hold me tight season 1

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uwingdispatch · 2 years

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Here With Me

Notes: Poe Dameron/Reader, gender neutral reader, post-sequels, hurt/comfort, chronically ill/disabled reader, domestic fluff, established relationship

CW: hospital/clinnic setting, minor injury (not graphic), chronic illness, chronic pain, implied sexual intimacy

Ao3 Link

★★★★★★★★

Your health being what it is, you’ve spent a lot of time in urgent cares over the years. But, since meeting Poe, sometimes you feel like that time in urgent care clinics has tripled. You’d think that as a flight instructor and he’d know to be more careful with his hands, but tonight while making dinner he’d sliced the tip of his finger clean off.

Your droid, Arsix, trained specifically for medical and emotional support had wanted to come with you to the clinic, but Poe’s droid, BB-8, wasn’t willing to stay at home while his person was having an emergency. So Arsix had offered to clean up the kitchen while BB-8 drove you and Poe to the nearest emergency clinic. Which is where you are now with a towel wrapped around your husband’s hand and his fingertip in a bag of ice in BB-8’s care.

“You doing okay, Poe?” you ask.

“I was actually worried about you,” he says. “I know how much you hate being around medical stuff. You sure you don’t want BB-8 to drive you home?”

“I’m sure,” you say. “I’m here with you until that finger is whole again. I don’t know how you can fly an X-Wing but you can’t operate a kitchen knife.”

Poe wraps his arm around you, his good hand giving your shoulder a squeeze. “You know they don’t let me near X-Wings anymore. Those are for military personnel only.”

You roll your eyes. Poe Dameron has access to any ship he wants to fly—all he has to do is ask the right person. But he does mostly work with small transports or shuttles when he’s teaching or traveling these days.

“Also, to be fair,” he says, “it wasn’t a kitchen knife. There’s this thing I saw on the holonet where you use a vibro-blade to—”

“A vibro-blade?” you ask, trying not to yell. You have to take a deep breath to hold back your anger. “Nope. Stop. I do not want to know the rest of that story right now.” Another deep breath. “How’s the pain?” you ask.

“Tolerable,” he says, kissing your temple. “I’ve seen a lot worse, sweetheaert. Really, you can go home.”

“I don’t trust you not to leave,” you whisper in his ear.

He laughs, knowing exactly why. He’d nearly lost one of his toes not too long ago because the wait at the clinic was “too long” and an old buddy of his had recently built his own med droid. It didn’t go well. Babu’s droid would have been perfectly fine if Poe were Anzellan—but he’s not.

“I’m never going to live that down am I?”

“No. And when we’re done here if you don’t take me somewhere to get a burger I’m never going to forgive you.”

“Ugh, we didn’t get dinner, did we? Are you sure you can wait?”

BB-8 chirps his concern. Poe just gets a little hangry when he hasn’t eaten. But, for you, not eating when you’re hungry can mean dizziness or even migraines.

“I’ll be okay,” you say.

Thankfully a med droid rolls into the waiting room and calls out Poe’s name.

“Burgers,” you say before kissing his cheek, smoothing his wild curls away from his face. “Go get that finger reattached so we can eat.”

You’d been dating Poe for a few months the first time he wanted to take you to a med center.

He was nervous. The two of you had been out, strolling around downtown waiting for your table at a local restaurant to be ready—and then you’d tweaked something in your knee and needed to stop and rest. He’d found a park bench and helped you get to it, but you could tell he wanted desperately to fix the situation.

You’d experienced this feeling before—there were men who didn’t know what to do in an emergency other than fix it. If Poe couldn’t handle not having the power to make it all better—well, guys like that usually just ran.

“Sweetheart,” he said. “The pain you’re describing…it’s not normal.”

“It is for me,” you explained. “This happens a lot.”

He ran a hand through his dark curls and let out a long breath. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I just don’t understand why you don’t want me to help you.”

Arsix was at home tonight. If she were here she might offer you one of your tablets, maybe a few other home remedies, but even she understood that some things just took a little bit of time. And a little bit of rest.

“That’s not it,” you said. “If you could help, I would let you. But I need you to trust me when I tell you there’s nothing at the med center that will help me with my knee tonight.”

He took your hand. “I trust you,” he said. “What can I do?”

“Unfortunately,” you said, “I think I need you to take me home.”

He looked a bit stricken before he tried to hide his disappointment, anxiously running a hand through his hair again. “Okay,” he said. “Let me go get the speeder.”

You felt his worry, and a there was a tightness in your chest as you wondered whether this might be it for you and Poe. If maybe he’d hit some kind of mental roadblock, realizing you had real disabilities with real impairments that weren’t cute. Things would go wrong that he couldn’t heroically swoop in to solve.

But when he returned with the speeder, he had a sweet smile on his face, and he took your hand again as you slid into the passenger seat. The ride home was a little quiet, but Poe put music on, caressed your hand with his thumb.

When he finally pulled up to your place he said, “I understand why you don’t want to be with me tonight. I guess…sometimes you just need some space when you’re hurting, huh?”

“Poe,” you said. “When I said I wanted you to take me home, I didn’t mean I wanted you to leave”

“Oh?”

“I was hoping you’d come inside. That maybe you’d want to be with me even though I’m kind of a mess right now.”

“Kriff,” he said. “I’m an idiot. Of course I’ll stay.”

The door to your apartment slid open and Arsix was standing inside, twittering her concern.

“Knee issues,” Poe told the droid. “Is there anything you can do?”

Arsix beeped instructions to get you inside and on the sofa where you could elevate the injury on an ottoman while she got a heat wrap ready.

Gently, Poe eased you onto your sofa, asked if he could hold you. So you rested your head on his chest, letting out a deep breath as he wrapped an arm around you.

“Sorry I kind of ruined our date,” you said. “I know it’s not always easy with me.”

“Look at me,” Poe said, tilting your chin toward him. “Please don’t apologize for this. This wasn’t your choice, and I know that.”

You nodded, trying to hold back tears.

Poe leaned in to kiss you, a sweet, comforting kiss, his plush lips warm and soft. You took his face in your hands and invited the kiss to last a little longer. But you were so overwhelmed with relief that your tears begin to fall.

“Hey, now,” Poe said, brushing away your tears with the pads of his thumbs. “What’s wrong, sweetheart?”

“I really thought you were going to leave,” you said.

“I know that we haven’t known each other very long,” Poe said. “But the thing is…I’m in love with you. I love you. And that means I’m going to learn how to help you when you’re not well. And how not to help you. I’m going to learn what you need, and to be what you need, okay?”

“Wow,” you said. “That’s, um…that’s a lot.”

“It’s okay if you’re not ready…if you don’t—”

“I’m just a bit overwhelmed. Nobody has ever tried to become an expert in caring for me before.”

He laughed. “The sentiment stands. I can wait.”

“Okay.”

He was about to kiss you again when Arsix came into the room. She had a heat wrap and bacta spray with her, which she applied to your sore knee. As she rolled away she beeped and whistled a phrase that translated to you can kiss the General now.

You laughed and threaded your fingers through Poe’s hair as he bent to capture your mouth with his, his tongue a sweet thrill as it slipped passed your lips, his hand gently running over your shoulder to cradle your neck.

“Thank you for staying,” you said as he pulled away, giving you a moment to search for even the tiniest bit of deception in his warm brown eyes. There was none.

He kissed your forehead and said, “Always.”

Somehow, you believed him.

“How’s the finger?” you ask.

You and Arsix have just finished cleaning up the take-out mess in the dining area despite Poe’s protests. You don’t want him to tear any of his stitches, even though the high dose bacta should have him in pretty good shape within a few days.

“I’m fine,” Poe says. “Really. You must be exhausted.”

He comes up behind you as you’re drying off your hands, wraps his arms around your waist, and kisses your neck, his lips soft despite the rough scruff of his face. It’s been a couple of days since he last shaved and you have to admit—you don’t hate it.

You turn in his arms, threading your fingers through his hair, his soft curls wild after tonight’s misadventures. Smoothing his hair away from his face, you look into his eyes before pressing a kiss to his lips. “I need you to be more careful,” you say. “I think I like you best with all ten fingers.”

Poe lets his hands wander to the waistband of your pants and says “I think I know why,” with a cheeky grin.

“Seriously, though,” you say. “As much as I enjoy what you can do with your hands, I also just need you to be safe.”

You aren’t the only one concerned about Poe’s blatant disregard for his own safety. BB-8 had mentioned it more than once over the years. Finn let you know when things started to get serious between you and Poe that it was something you might want to keep an eye on. Because when Poe gets upset or ambitious or excited, safety goes out the window.

“You’re talking like I regularly put myself in danger.”

“Don’t you?” you ask. “Tonight it was a slip of a knife—a vibro-blade for stars’ sake. Tomorrow it could be lightspeed skipping or an insane bar bet you can’t turn down.”

Poe sighs deeply, pulls you close. He smells of his citrus-y soap, of the light, musky cologne he wears. You rest your head in the crook of his neck and he whispers, “I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I wasn’t thinking.”

“You need to think,” you say. “I’m counting on you to think. If anything ever happened to you…they can reattach a finger, an arm even. But one of these days it could be a lot worse than that and I need you to be here with me. To come home to me.”

Poe’s heart rate has started to increase, and you hope you haven’t induced a panic in him.

“Sometimes,” Poe says, “You remind me of Leia. I wish you could have met her.”

“I hope you’re not deflecting,” you say.

“I’m not,” he says. “Let me see your eyes.”

You pull away from his embrace and meet his tired gaze.

“Leia would have loved you for a lot of reasons. You’re strong, and you’re thoughtful, and you speak your mind. But she especially would have loved how you put me in my place,” Poe says. “Just like she used to do. And just like she usually was, you’re right.”

You can’t help but smile a little, taking Poe’s face in your hand, his brown and silver hair flopping forward into his eyes. “I love you,” you say. “Even when I want to stay mad at you, you make it so hard.”

He kisses you then, slowly, his hand on the small of your back, his lips fitting to yours perfectly. You touch your forehead to his and sigh.

“BB-8,” you say, knowing the droid is nearby. “Can you sweep the house for vibro-blades and put them all in the weapons locker in the garage?”

BB-8 chirps in agreement and gets to work.

You hadn’t expected for Poe to spend the night that night—you’d hardly expected him to stay after your date went sideways. But he did. And he didn’t seem to mind that, because of your extreme knee pain, it wasn’t a very romantic evening. Arsix was in and out of the bedroom all night, checking on you, bringing you medicine and changing out the heat wraps on your sore knee. Your overprotective tooka-cat was on edge, pacing the room as best as his three legs allowed in between naps at the end of the bed. And while it was hard for you to sleep when you were in this amount of pain, you found being with Poe through a difficult night like this somehow comforting.

It was in the early hours before dawn when you woke to find Poe asking Arsix if there was anything he could do.

“I feel so helpless,” he said.

Arsix warbled and whistled and you made out the phrase safe feelings with you.

“Yeah?”

You bring calm and warmth. Past boyfriends inconsiderate.

You smiled to yourself and rolled over in bed. You hadn’t met many others who talked to droids like Poe did, treating them like the people they were. Especially not in the middle of a sleepless night.

“You’re still here, Poe,” you said.

The moonlight was coming in through the windows, past the curtains that you could have sworn you’d closed before bed, but which your tooka-cat had likely disturbed. Poe put his arms around you and you laid your head on his bare shoulder, his skin warm as you reciprocated the embrace. You ran your hands through his dark curls, resting your palm at the back of his neck.

“Of course I am,” he said. “Did we wake you?”

“No. I’m just…awake again.”

“I’m sorry,” Poe said, his hands at your back, lightly massaging the spot that always ached when you’d been still for too long. Maybe he was more attuned to your needs than you’d realized.

“Not your fault,” you told him, yawning. “Thank you for being here. Nights like this can be hard. Not just because of the pain, but…it’s lonely sometimes.”

“I wish there was more I could do,” he said.

“I know,” you told him. “But what you’re doing right now is enough.”

Arsix twittered that she had tablets and bacta spray for you and you thanked her, sitting up so you could swallow the medicine. The little droid helped you apply the bacta to your knee before she rolled out of the room, telling you to ping her if you needed something.

“Come here, sweetheart,” Poe said as you settled back into the bed. He pulled you into his arms again, letting you get as comfortable as you could.

“This is nice,” you said.

Poe cupped your face, his thumb caressing you cheek, and as you pulled back to see his eyes in the near darkness, there was something there that you hadn’t seen before. A truth so deep and real that it could only be seen in this dim light. And he pressed a sweet kiss to your lips that told you this was the only place he wanted to be.

When Poe comes home from work today he’s wearing a blue flight suit with the arms tied around his waist, carrying a heavy duffel bag. You haven’t seen him like this in a long time, and you can’t help but admire how the white tank he’s wearing perfectly compliments his toned physique and the pretty tattoos on his arms and chest.

“What’s in the bag, General?” you ask.

You’d just come out of your office to make yourself a cup of tea—Poe wasn’t expected home for at least another hour.

“One of the kids spilled oil while I was teaching a refresher course on basic vehicle maintenance. Which would have been fine—it happens all the time, you know? But it got everywhere and when I went to shower and change…apparently the upperclassmen put my change of clothes in the freezer last week. In a tub of water.”

“Why am I not surprised?”

“This was all I had in the office,” he says, gesturing at his attire. “So.”

“And that’s the block of ice?” you ask, pointing at the bag.

He nods.

“I guess we can just put it in the back yard to thaw,” you said. “Have you considered not telling your students all the stupid shit you did when you were a kid?”

Poe laughs, reaching for you. Taking his hand, you let him pull you into an embrace.

“Don’t lie, though,” Poe says. “You think this look is kinda hot, don’t you?”

“Maybe a little,” you say.

You smooth his hair away from his face, his curls a bit more wild than usual, and he tilts your chin toward him to kiss you, letting his tongue tease you just a little as his lips meet yours.

When your front door slides open to reveal BB-8 towing a small shopping bag, Poe pulls away.

“There you are, buddy,” Poe says.

BB-8 chirps a response that translates roughly to flowers acquired.

“For me?” you ask.

Poe gets the bag from BB-8 and pulls out a bouquet full of your favorites. “I’m sorry about last night,” he says. “It was an unnecessary stressor for you, and I shouldn’t have been doing something so reckless. I talked to my therapist on my lunch beak today—she also wasn’t impressed.”

You take the flowers and admire the arrangement, take in their sweet scent before grabbing a vase from the cupboard and filling it with water. “What did she say?” you ask.

“Something about thrill-seeking behavior after spending so many of my formative years in life and death situations.”

“Sounds familiar.” You’re told him the same thing on multiple occasions.

“I know,” he says. “I need some new hobbies.”

“That I can help you with,” you say. “There are ways to feel alive that don’t put you in danger.”

Poe steps close to you again, runs his fingertips down you cheek before softly touching your lower lip with his thumb. And you place your hands at his waist, playing at the hem of his undershirt, which he swiftly removes.

“I can think of one way to feel alive that might be nice right now,” he says.

Poe presses his body flush to yours as you lean back into the kitchen counter, drawing you into a hungry, urgent kiss, cradling your face in his hands. You let your hands wander from his muscular back down to his perfect ass, pulling him even closer.

“Bedroom?” you ask, almost breathless.

“Yeah,” he says. “Bedroom.”

When you’re watching him peel himself out of the ill-fitting flight suit, you laugh—and he retaliates by playfully pushing you into the bed where he climbs on top of you, undressing you, kissing your lips, your nose, your neck, your shoulders.

“Sweetheart,” he says, “let me show you how alive you make me feel.”

As he trails kisses down your chest and abdomen, your mind empties itself of every pain, every stress, every worry. “I love you,” you tell him.

And from under the covers, placing one more kiss to your belly, he replies, “I know.”

★★★★★★★★ Thank you so much for reading! I wanted to write some nice, soft Poe for y'all. I hope this fic makes you feel seen and loved.

I have a taglist now! Sign up here if you want to be tagged in future fics. (And choose if you only want to be tagged for certain characters.)

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#poe dameron art #poe dameron x reader #poe dameron x gn!reader #poe dameron fanfiction #star wars sequels #star wars fanfiction #hurt/comfort #disability #disabled reader #chronic illness #established relationship #fluff #comfort fic #fluff and angst #domestic fluff #soft!poe #uwingwriting

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spooniechef · 9 months

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The Dinner Diaries, Day 5 - Revamped Old Favourite (alternative Student Alfredo, 1 spoon)

Keeping this diary has been really helpful, because it gets me actually thinking about my eating habits. I'm finding that at least part of my problem with disordered eating is my trying and failing to adhere to the standard "mealtime" thing. I tend not to be hungry when I first wake up, and by the time I am, it's generally past what one would consider 'lunchtime'. This gets me going, "Eh, I can wait until dinner" (because that was the constant refrain when I was hungry as a kid, probably) and hyperfocus past the hunger symptoms. Then "dinnertime" comes around and I'm generally hangry and headachy and nauseous and disinclined to eat.

Today I basically turned around at about 4pm and said, "To hell with this; I'm having lupper". "Lupper" is a thing my dad used to say when I was a kidl; he figured that since you could have brunch as a meal that wasn't quite breakfast and wasn't quite lunch either on the timing or the components of the meal, you could also have a meal that wasn't quite lunch and wasn't quite supper on the same principles. Thus he hybridised "lunch" and "supper" - "lupper". It does seem to help me get over having a full-on meal at 4:30pm, anyway.

Also I had to use up some leftovers. That's the thing with batch cooking; trying to make sure you eat it before any of it goes bad. So I had the last of my chicken from recent roast, and some garlic and chive cream cheese that needed eating. I thought about my Student Alfredo recipe and remembered that a friend of mine ... I think on Facebook ... suggested cream cheese as an alternative to cream of mushroom soup in tuna noodle casserole. I also remembered that cream cheese is a primary ingredient in the sauce for my Chicken Broccoli Pasta Bake recipe. I didn't feel like doing a whole bake, so I sort of combined the two. So, Student Alfredo Redux!

Here's what you'll need:

Half a bag of pasta

3/4 regular-sized container of Philly garlic and chives cream cheese

Maybe 1/3 cup of milk

1 pat butter

1.5 or so cups frozen mixed vegetables

Basically any leftover cooked meat

Spices to taste

The ingredients list is mostly the same as the original, but obviously the coeliac-unfriendly powdered soup mix is gone. Today I did need to use up some mushrooms so I sliced some up and heated them with the meat, and mostly stuck with garlic pepper, garlic salt, and onion salt for seasoning. Once again, you can probably use just about any meat, but I'd probably stay away from red meats, just because they'd overpower things a bit. So the ingredients list is much the same - just the methodology's a little different.

Here's what you do:

Boil the pasta, adding the mixed vegetables when the pasta’s nearly done; set aside

In a deep frying pan, add the butter and melt on low heat. Add the meat (as well as any onions, fresh garlic, or mushrooms you might be wanting to use); saute on medium-low heat until the onion's starting to get tender and everything is warmed through.

Ass the milk, cream cheese, and any other spices you might feel like using; stir and heat on medium heat until the cream cheese has melted and everything is smooth

Add the pasta/vegetable mix; stir until all pasta is coated with the sauce. Heat on medium-low heat for another 2-3 minutes

It's more or less the same recipe - tastes a little creamier, requires actual taking of Lactaid if you're lactose-intolerant, but at least avoids the gluten. You could try going vegan with it by sticking with vegetables and mushrooms and using oil instead of butter, but you'd have to be careful to find a brand of dairy-free soft cheese that melts properly, which I have found ... difficult. Also tends to be a little more expensive.

So that was my lupper, and there will be an actual late supper involving another serving of it, along with some salad. This has ensured that I have eaten my leftover chicken before it goes off. Which unfortunately is more than I can say for the remains of my cucumber. The salad I'm going to have with my late supper will just have to be the last of the lettuce and tomatoes, then. Ah well.

(Also I will be using the benefits of a system full of Lactaid by having some of my Ben & Jerry's Peanut Butter Cup ice cream.)

#the spoonie chef #recipes #meals #the dinner diaries #pasta

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brf-rumortrackinganon · 1 year

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I can’t respond to comments with this account (only my primary) but I wanted to answer this!

This is all Harry says about Diana’s engagement ring in Spare:

“Soon after we returned to Britain the Palace announced that Willy was going to marry. November 2010. News to me. All that time together in Lesotho, he’d never mentioned it.

The papers published florid stories about the moment I realized Willy and Kate were well matched, the moment I appreciated the depth of their love and thus decided to gift Willy the ring I’d inherited from Mummy, the legendary sapphire, a tender moment between brothers, a bonding moment for all three of us, and absolute rubbish: none of it ever happened. I never gave Willy that ring because it wasn’t mine to give. He already had it. He’d asked for it after Mummy died, and I’d been more than happy to let it go.” (Chapter 40)

The rumor about Diana’s engagement ring was actually started by Paul Burrell. He gave an interview (either sometime between 1997 - 2010 or around the time William and Kate became engaged) in which he said that the brothers each chose one thing of Diana’s; Harry chose the ring and William chose the watch, and they both agreed that whoever married first would get the ring to propose with. Everyone fell for it. Because, at the time, Paul was still considered a reliable expert on all things Diana’s boys. He didn’t really fall out of favor with the Diana crowd until much more recently.

Six years later, Meghan showed up wearing a watch that she claimed was Diana’s, which gave new life to Paul’s claims that Harry chose the ring, William wanted the watch, and they swapped when William wanted to propose to Kate. Which then led to all of the “William stole the ring from Harry and it really belongs to Meghan” stories/PR from Sunshine Sachs.

There’s another blog around here (either Plant or Empress) who did a quick analysis and found that Meghan’s PR talked about Diana’s ring every couple months like clockwork, usually timed for either when Kate was doing something or when Meghan needed some positive press.

So, firstly, I am really honestly super surprised that Harry didn’t talk more about Diana’s engagement ring in Spare. For someone who’s obsessed with what the press says about him, surely he knows what people are saying. He probably thinks that “absolute rubbish: none of it ever happened” is enough to close the door on that conversation. But...Harry doesn’t know the calls are coming from inside the house. He doesn’t know or he doesn’t accept that Meghan is the one telling people that the ring belongs to her, because she totally drank the koolaid.

Secondly, if you haven’t read Spare, it’s divided into three parts. Part 1 is Diana’s death till just before his first deployment. Part 2 is his first deployment till just before he meets Meghan. Part 3 is meeting Meghan to Platinum Jubilee. (Prologue is Philip’s funeral, Epilogue is Queen’s funeral. Dude has a secret obsession with death, IMO.) Anyway, Meghan’s fingerprints are ALL over Part 3, but not in Parts 1 or 2 - and the most embarrassing stories about Harry are in Parts 1 and 2. This suggests that Meghan didn’t bother reading Parts 1 and 2, focused only on herself like the narcissistic celebrity she is.

She probably didn’t even know that Harry talked about Diana’s engagement ring and blew her game. So it’ll be interesting to see if we get any new articles about Diana’s engagement ring being taken from Harry and actually belonging to Meghan now.

(I don’t think Paul was ever there when the boys reviewed Diana’s possessions. He probably heard about it from someone who was there and spun it like he himself had organized and facilitated the boys’ visit. And no one doubted it because that’s how Paul branded himself after Diana passed - he was her loyal servant, her trusted confidante, her gatekeeper. It also certainly didn’t help that The Queen saved his hide by rescuing him from litigation over the theft of items from Diana’s home.)

Edit: Hangry typos.

#spare #diana #paul #busted #rumor history

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cherishedproperty · 11 months

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Sorry for the anon but this hits a bit too close to home for now. Your "Honesty" post and the last ask about it, sparked quite the debate between me and my sub, for the way honesty is shared in a D/s relationship. My sub has been unfaithful (one-night stand) and didn't share this with me for 8 months. I confronted her about my doubts, peaceful at first with rage escalating with every mix of lies and truths she told as the conversation went on. Did I try to remain peaceful and understanding? I did, but emotions got the better of me and I snapped quite a few times with rage and aggression. The next few days were followed by similar conversations in which she swore that she told me the truth only to find out, that that was another lie. New lies and past secrets came pouring out while my trust was being broken each day more and more. I'm at a stage now where very few conversations are resolved peacefully. We are still in some form of a relationship now after four months of trying to get back on track if possible, as although tainted, love is still present. The D/s part is gone as there is no trust on both sides anymore with an overwhelming feeling of insecurity. She decided that she will share no more info on her past, something I am not ok with at this time. Your posts describe a loving "idealistic" environment in which the dominant and you are always peaceful and respectful in all the matters discussed, which got me questioning my methods and patience in resolving this. With a full understanding that we are all different people, with different approaches and histories, I am curious as to how would you and your Dom resolve this, if you ever hypothetically got yourself in a similar situation?

Hi. That sounds like a very difficult situation. I am not sure how that would be for us, because we work so hard not to let anything—even seemingly small things—create secrets we have from each other. It may seem idealistic, but we really do function peacefully and respectfully in 99.9% of all situations (with the exception of some hangry/stressed bickering).

But in your situation, it sounds like you’ve lost the presumption of positive intent—the cornerstone of teamwork and trust and benefit of the doubt. Once that is lost, it can be very hard to get back. It’s good that you’ve paused the D/s part of your relationship, because it’s a ticking time bomb when there’s no trust to support it.

I highly recommend couples’ counseling AND individual counseling to help here. It sounds like your partner has unresolved trauma that is behind at least some of the communication challenges you have, but also you’ve entered what feels like a death spiral. You push hard, she clams up or lies, you lose trust and push harder… It can be genuinely helpful to have a third party help you break those patterns and find common ground for trust again. I did counseling with my ex-husband at the end of our marriage, and it was helpful for us and for me individually to make changes that have helped us become solid coparents. You can work through it on your own, obviously. But it’s a hell of a lot more work to recognize and break patterns while you’re inside of them.

Wishing you hope and healing. <3

#ask #my ask

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depressedhatakekakashi · 5 months

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I'm really glad that at least your husband helps out in the house despite being the money maker. Growing up, my parents had made the choice similar to you except my dad didn't do much in the house and being very not gender comforming, I grew to absolutely recent being born female, it really messed me up because all I saw was mom doing lunches, dishes, cleaning, etc. It caused me a lot of self hatred my whole childhood and teenage years and even today I still despise being female to some extent just from those observations. It is VERY important that the man also helps out in house duties in his free time.

You’re very right about that. It’s incredcably important for men to help out and everyone to have their share. There should be no ‘money maker and housekeeper’ sole roles.

The home is everyone’s responsibility and while i’m happy to do the majority as a SAHP I cannot do it all myself and I appreciate that my husband understands that and helps out.

Especially because i am the last person that should be trusted with ensuring anyone eats 😭😭😭 i’m better with kiddo, but i’m absolutely horrendous for making sure i eat all the time and usually end up getting Hangry which is good for no one.

But seriously, men need to help out their spouses. I was very lucky to grow up in a home where my Papa helped with the chores and did the cooking, so that was just an expected thing for me when i got with someone and i hope seeing how my husband and I do things teaches kiddo how to act in their own future relationships (if they have any)

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rhetoricalrogue · 1 year

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This year, instead of making a bunch of resolutions all at once and then feeling bad that I dropped the ball on one and quitting the rest because of my usual “if I can’t do it perfectly, why bother” mentality, I’m going to develop one new habit per month. I’m hoping that by this time in December, most of my early monthly habits will be second nature so I can incorporate new habits each month. I’m taking it at a month by month basis, so if I’m struggling with one I’m not rushing to build a new one, because that’s a recipe for failure for me. If I need more time to make sure things stick, I’m going to take it, even if that means that ultimately I only developed one lasting habit this year.

This year’s theme is “what can I do now to help Future Issa out later? How can I make life less stressful for us now and 12 months from now?” Burnout has been an ongoing problem for the past two, three years now and I’m tired of grasping at straws and constantly being exhausted, both physically and mentally. I want to develop habits that will make my life easier in the long run, starting with getting enough rest and making sure my mornings get off to a good start.

So! January’s goal is to develop a realistic morning and nighttime routine so that my mornings aren’t rushed and I get to work on time.

I’ve been on vacation since before Christmas and in that time, I haven’t set any alarms. I usually wake up around 6:00 or 7:00, which means that my body needs roughly 7-8 hours of sleep to function. I’ve also been having regular breakfasts, which have kept me full until noon every day, so I want to keep that going. Luckily, making meal prepping a 2022 habit has carried over, so I think a few tweaks will make this manageable.

The night before, starting after dinner:

Wash dinner dishes

Set up coffee, put automatic timer on for 6 am

Set out coffee cup, spoon, sugar

Set out dishes for breakfast (measuring cup for oatmeal, bowl, spoon, etc)

Set our morning vitamins, glass for water

Things to do 30 minutes before bed:

Take vitamins

Make a cup of tea

Do nighttime skincare/haircare

Set out morning skincare, clothes for work

Shut off all lights except for some lamps

Drink tea, take time to de-stress before bed

In the morning:

Make bed so I’m not tempted to fall back to sleep

Make breakfast, take vitamins

Shower, do morning skincare

Drink coffee, take time to relax and prepare for the day/think about what needs to be done that day

Get dressed, head out to work

I did a practice run this morning since it’s my last day to be on vacation and I had time to slowly wake up. I need to be out the door by 7:30 at the latest in order to be at work and have enough time to start things up/see how my morning is going to go/organize my thoughts before I clock in at 8, so I’m thinking that 6:30 may be my best time to wake up.

My goal is to set things up the night before so that everything is ready and becomes automatic the next morning to help Future Me not have to think about what goes next while I’m still half-asleep. Most of the work is done the night before, and honestly, it’s not even that much. I think it took me maybe 5 minutes max to set everything up and another 15-20 minutes to actually do the wind down before bed portion.

I’m not a big breakfast person, but I’ve spent my vacation experimenting with variations of overnight oats, instant cream of wheat and fruit, microwave breakfast sandwiches, and cereal, so I think I can rotate between those options to keep myself from getting bored and keep me from getting hangry by 10 or 11 at work.

Most of the morning routine is completed within 30-40 minutes, but I want to give myself a full hour to a) enjoy a slow morning without waking up already stressed about the day and b) take the time to mentally prepare myself for the workday with a set plan of tasks that need to be worked on (not necessarily accomplished because Things Happen, but I find that I’m not as frazzled about juggling tasks if I can at least touch on various things daily and adjust which items are more important throughout the week since my job seldomly lets me focus on one thing at a time.)

I think that this can be doable, if today was any indication. I’m also making a side habit to work on that I was already starting last year that helped tremendously with my workload to end the workday by taking the last 10-15 minutes of the day prepping what needed to be finished, either by making a sticky note to myself or by setting up a pile of paperwork in my inbox that was ready to go in the morning for whatever next step was needed. It made things easier to remember where I had left off instead of me flipping through my stack and spending more time each morning setting things up before getting distracted by that day’s tasks and then ultimately getting overwhelmed by everything that needed to be done. It also made a good winding down practice to ease out of Work Mode and get ready for Home Mode by the time 5:00 rolled around.

Will this work? I hope so, but I’m also not going to beat myself up if I skip a day in order to sleep in a half hour longer or if there’s days when I’m not hungry when I wake up. On those days I’ll grab some of the snacks I’ve already stocked my fridge and pantry with to have when I do get hungry later at work. I want to give myself some flexibility to take the time to check in with myself and do what’s best for me this year instead of doing the gogogo all or nothing thinking that I’ve fallen into these past few years that’s made me dislike a job that I otherwise really enjoy and want to grow into something more and pushed myself to the point where I’m not only burning the candle at both ends, but also at multiple points in the middle.

I’ll see where I am at the end of this month. Hopefully I’ll be in a place where my mornings aren’t so rushed and I wake up rested, but if not, then at least I can see what worked and what didn’t to try again in February.

#2023’s theme is Issa Takes Care of Herself #going to take more time off from work even if it’s just a day here and there #going to focus on getting my energy back so I can start creating things again #not going to force things but I miss writing and making art and crocheting #I also want to work on my self-confidence especially if there’s a chance of getting promoted into a more publicly visible position #taking time from work means I can come back energized and ready to help build programs while working on existing projects

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