#i am sure many people vehemently disagree with me

[bellamysgriffin]

i’ve been thinking about it a lot and part of why i was relatively disappointed with midnights is because i think taylor swift has taken a step back musically. making an album like midnights is in some ways a regressive choice. not only has she returned to pop, a genre which i (controversially) think doesn’t necessarily suit her voice and sound the best and also exacerbates her main musical weakness i.e. repetitive melodies, she’s also heavily returned to super diaristic song-writing.

taylor has often complained a lot about the media’s involvement in her life, and this is not me blaming her for that in any way, but i do think a lot of it sprung from how heavily all her music was based on her personal life and the ways in which she gradually encouraged that more and more often. reputation is more fun to listen to if you know the details of her personal life, that’s just true! lover is the first album in which she loosely starts experimenting with writing songs that have nothing to do with her life -- death by a thousand cuts, it’s nice to have a friend, potentially cruel summer. 

folklore and evermore, to me, are by far her best work, and a real breakthrough and turning point within her musical career. taylor swift is first and foremost a talented lyricist, but with this album, she revealed herself to be a talented storyteller -- when she no longer felt burdened to only retelling her own narrative. so that’s how we get the points of view of a high school love triangle, a song about rebekah harkness, about a woman whose husband left her for another woman, about war, about addiction. she leans farther into this in evermore: we get a rejected proposal, a woman who murders her best friends killer, a song about divorce, about hooking up with your hometown ex when you’re home for the holidays. even the songs that are ostensibly about her have a level of universality to them; the specificity in songs like invisible string and marjorie, instead of serving to provide more insight to her personal life end up creating a rich picture that serves a greater, cohesive theme.

midnights, however, is her most self-referential album yet. in order to fully enjoy, you need to know all the details and intricacies of her life. the lyrics are less clever, the narratives less coherent. anti-hero, for example, is (imo) structurally a mess. where revenge songs like mad woman and no body no crime had substance to them, a song like vigilante shit rings hollow when you get over the spectacle of it. what does dressing for revenge even mean? i think her songs about revenge on reputation were far more substantial: i.e. don’t blame me, i did something bad, and this is why we can’t have nice things. lavender haze might be vaguely catchy, but is it really that interesting lyrically if you don’t know about taylor swift’s relationship with the media? you’re own your own kid feels like a grown up fifteen, and it’s one of the better songs on the album, but the references to the burden of fame (of which many are scattered throughout the album) prevent it from feeling as relatable as other track fives. previously, her use of metaphor in songs like peace and especially dancing with our hands tied managed to explore that burden while also being widely relatable and applicable to other situations. 

now, midnights is by no means a terrible album. it’s one of her weakest, in my opinion, but there’s a lot to like about it. taylor swift is a talented songwriter and musician, and she’s never come out with anything that i think is objectively terrible. i do, however, think that it is lyrically weaker than many of her recent stuff, including lover. singles like renegade and carolina gave me a lot of hope for the direction of her future music. but i think by returning to diaristic, self-referential story-telling, not only has she taken a step back creatively, she’s also alienated new fans by rendering it almost inaccessible to anyone who doesn’t know the lore of her life. i say this after speaking to casual listeners/non-swifties who found themselves baffled as to what a lot of these songs are trying to say. in returning to her 1989 roots, i think she’s moved back into the realm of superstardom and less into the realm of artist. 

#dana rants #taylor swift #midnights #i would really like to know if you guys have any thoughts on this!! #i am sure many people vehemently disagree with me #but i feel pretty strongly and would like to know what you guys think!!!!

[cleromancy]

jasons got so much black and white thinking at times like. if Bruce can't do this for me he never loved me. if Bruce never loved me i am unlovable. if im unlovable i might as well be hated for something ive done instead of something i am...

its that last one thats the only thing that really keeps me firmly in camp shrodingers felipe... like i vehemently disagree that jason having done it is like "proof" he was ~already bad~ or ~too damaged~ or whatever the fuck dumbshit. like morally speaking jason weighed this mans life over the life of his next victim and made a choice and while you don't have to agree with him, or judy koslosky for that matter (batman 422, jason goes on to paraphrase her in lost days)... like, come on. it was explicit that the law and batman couldn't touch him, he bragged he was gonna do it again, jasons options as presented to him were "let him" or "kill him".

but the reason i continue to like the ambiguity there about whether or not jason did kill the guy is because bruces reaction... i mean my god, compare and contrast ollies reaction when 16-year-old *mia* thought she had to kill someone while ollie visibly disagreed-- ga 39:

ga 40:

^ btw this is also one reason OF MANY why i kill and eat anyone who compares ollie negatively to bruce. fava beans nice chianti etcetera etcetera

(dinah also reams him out about it more in this same issue while they're breaking up. read green arrow 2001 🔫)

anyway. fuckin buce by contrast

batman (1940) 424

batman 425

just to start. (ditf starts at issue 426 btw.) (also god starlin is such a hack. Bruce directly causes the deaths of 3 people in 425-- two by jumping out of the way of gunfire so they hit each other, one by accidentally knocking over an unstable pile of cars. but sure, Jason's the one who can't handle it.)

anyway. all this just to say that if jason truly did not kill felipe but bruce believed he did and that leads directly to him feeling so unloved that he runs away to find his birth mom and yknow. gets murdered bc she sold him out bc, from his perspective, *she* also found him unlovable...

jason todd should have killed more people 🤷

#dc #text #like if youre gonna get blamed for it anyway. Why Fucking Not #anyway i keep thinking about bruce fucking shock collaring jason in gotham war to punish him for #having previously done Bad Things #so now bruce doesn't have to feel bad about it anymore #or worry jason will do it again #because he chemically lobotomized him. LMAO #meta #jason #mia #jason and mia

[chdarling]

I’m the terrible anon who dared to call Sirius despicable because he behaved like a supremacist and a sexist (normal thing for wizard of the 70’s, as said by another anon, so I don't understand what's wrong in my comment).

And always for the anon "it was kind of annoying to read that comment because I often feel like readers only want to read the best of a character and not their personal struggles" I don’t see the correlation with my comment. I never said "sirius is always perfect, how dare you to write him as a fallible human?".

I specified that Sirius must grow, so I want to see this process, not to see a perfect Sirius in the end (since I know very well that he will never be for so many reasons) but to see his improvements.

And this is one of the chapters where he gave the worst of himself, considering he treated lily like a b**** for a futile reason like every single sexist always do since the beginning of time and think about MB and HB as w**** as a supematist does and in fact even sirius "felt properly disgusted with himself". He realizes that he still has a lot to do to be a decent person. He knows that and that’s why I never wrote that he's a hopeless case but needs to grow up.

Can I get an opinion without the groupies feeling offended by listing some of the flaws in a fictional character or not? I must say that he's wonderful and perfect ? He's not and never will be and I'd like to be able to say it. But he can be improved! I never said he's a lost cause.

P.S. I mentioned graham simply because he's already on the warpath with sirius and is the only character who despises him enough not to go easy with him. Lily is a too obvious conclusion. The boys love him too much and they don't realize how wrong and obnoxious they have been towards some classmates (you yourself wrote an answer to an anon comment where you listed all the moments that could justify the distrust and dislike of the muggle born towards James and Sirius).

And to become better, Sirius will have to learn to listen and care for others, even if they're out of his little circle of friends. He will fight a war that he could avoid because he's privileged by birth, he will have to learn to be empathetic and selfless towards those he doesn't know and with whom he has not developed strong emotional ties.

I hope I have clarified my positions to the other anons if and when they'll read this.

Have a good day.

“Groupies”? Come on. This is rude and weirdly aggressive.

You shared an opinion to my inbox, presumably wanting me to reply. I replied — mildly and lightheartedly. A few people had opinions on your opinion, which is what happens when they’re shared publicly. I went back to reread the post in question in case I or anyone else was rude and I missed it, but no one attacked you or called you a terrible anon. They just disagreed. Not even that many or that vehemently. 🤷🏻‍♀️

For the record, my blog isn’t a public forum where I am obligated to mediate anon debates or air anon opinions while also making sure no one reacts to said opinions in any manner an anon deems incorrect. How exhausting. This is my personal blog where I engage with people in good faith and for fun about a hobby. When it stops being fun or people stop acting in good faith, I stop engaging.

None of this is that serious. (Or Sirius. Ha. Get it. Badum tss, etc.)

#ch answers #tle2 #tle2 spoilers

[mechanical-sunchild]

Actually, I'd like to express my experiences as an alterhuman who was previously antikin. I'd also like to hear from others like this, as I'm sure I'm not alone.

Now, I've known I was a werewolf since I was <8 and an android since I was <13 (or thereabouts). I was not online at these times. So they were just things I felt to be true and kept within myself, except amongst others who were acceptably 'weird' enough to allow me to be 'weird' too.

Even so, I felt they thought I was messing around and not being serious, but to me, expressing that I was a werewolf (this was stronger than the android feelings for a long while) was just telling the truth and it felt good to get it out. It was a similar feeling to what would later happen when I came out as trans. It was about truth of the self.

At this time I also latched deeply onto a lot of fictional characters (none of these would turn out to be kintypes, btw) in a way that may be described as constellic or fictionflickers or otherhearted or some combination of all of these.

Then I did get online. But still I had no idea what 'otherkin' was. Then I got onto Tumblr and I learnt about otherkin, but as it turned out, in the worst way. I learnt because of a blog dedicated to posting 'otherkin cringe'. It showcased only the wildest stuff, the horror stories of the most inappropriate behaviours and logical dissections of why otherkin was bad and why it wasn't what they said it was.

You know the arguments. The point was, as my first exposure, they all sounded really logical and so I believed them. There seemed no shortage of 'bad and cringe' things being done and said by otherkin. At one point I was even convinced that 'otherkin = bad but therians are okay' because of the more spiritual aspect I thought therianthropy had. It made sense at the time. The point is, I became very vehemently antikin.

Not 'go out of my way to harrass otherkin' antikin, but 'long posts and rants on why nobody can be/should be kin' antikin for sure. Very cringe.

All the while I convinced myself that my feelings of being a werewolf and android were different to what otherkin were going through. I didn't bother to try and learn more, because I disagreed with the spiritual and metaphysical aspects I'd already heard and was too bogged down by the ideology against otherkin I'd already absorbed.

And because I had so many flickers and took on briefly so many fictional identities I imposed those feelings on everyone's kintypes. I believed obvious trolls. I believed otherkin were transphobic in their own dysphoria claims. I believed that mentally well people couldn't possibly have such beliefs. etc etc. They had me hook, line and sinker.

Then I met someone who I thought was cool, and they were otherkin, and I got talking to them and I realised how sincere their identity was and how much joy it brought to them to be able to be truly themselves. It reminded me of myself. I opened up about my own feelings and they were taken seriously, fully seriously, for once.

This was the start of a wonderful journey of piecing myself together. Some of them were old pieces that needed to be fully explored and some were newly awakened as time went on. I let myself explore my beliefs and feelings.

Now I realise that yeah, I'm likely what/who I am because of being ND but also I'm happy to state that I do believe that the essence of myself is eternally revolving, the me here is connected to many versions of myself in a non-linear fashion from many universes. So I am, will be, and have been all the things I am. I don't need these things to have evidence of being true because it's harmless for me to believe them.

Antikin still exist and we also have KFFers and it's in the same ballpark. Many will be people who just haven't had a good introduction to alterhumanism. Maybe they're alterhuman themselves, maybe not. I'm not saying give them any time and energy off your own back and waste your time on those who just don't want to hear. I'm just saying that if it feels like somebody is asking a question, even an obvious one, in good faith - your answer could be the start of some serious questioning on their part. I know it was for me.

#otherkin #otherkind #alterhuman #otherbeing #nonhuman

[bionicbabe0101]

Not sure who needs to hear this but obesity medicine is bullshit. It’s based on an arbitrary metric that was developed using white men as the ‘standard’, and the flawed principle that there is somehow an ideal weight for optimal health that can be applied to everyone.

Like the rest of the US healthcare system, it’s designed to make money, not help people actually achieve better health outcomes or access quality care. Weight loss is a billion dollar industry, and everyone wants a piece of that pie (and then they want to shame YOU for enjoying actual pie).

I’m sure there are healthcare professionals on this site who will vehemently disagree with me. I do work in healthcare in the public health sector and while I would not claim to be an expert, I am pursuing my masters and have reviewed many studies at this point about linking weight to wellness and they are just…flawed, frankly.

Please be mindful of the pervasive effects of fat phobia, and do not let the medical industry off the hook for their participation in it. Special shout out to folks with disabilities who have been told that all they need to do is lose weight and then alllll their medical problems will just magically disappear. Ok, Dr. Karen, I just lost 30 lbs in 8 months and you’re thrilled, but you somehow missed the fact that it’s because the inflammation in my guts is out of control and I’m so anemic and vitamin deficient that my rheumatologist is freaking out…but I’m glad I lowered my BMI? 😑

#cw fat shaming #cw fatphobia #cw ableism #chronic illness #psoriatic arthritis #disability pride month #disabled #crps/rsd #chronic pain

[kariachi]

Oh look, another quick fic from that 'Kev and Mike stream' au concept. No Kevin today, just Christmastime and a special guest star.

~~

The chatlog was already long, the viewers abuzz with curiosity, before the stream started. ‘Special guests’ were always a fun addition, and the anticipation of seeing who it would be was always good to stirring up attention. So, when the facecam went on, it wasn’t a shock to see people go a little wild.

“Evening everybody,” Mike said, “happy holidays, hope you’re doing well. Welcome to the Christmas stream.” And it was blatantly a Christmas stream. The normal sparse-but-spooky décor had been stripped out in favor of a plethora of colored lights, there was a tree visible in the background. Carols were just audible. Mike and the Tetramand beside him both had santa hats on and reindeer cupcakes in hand.

A bit of the going wild may, in fact, have just been chat experiencing whiplash.

“As you may have noticed,” Mike continued, “Kevin isn’t here tonight. He’s not a Christmas person, so we’ve had to replace him for the event. Everyone give Manny our Christmas maestro a warm welcome.”

“Hey chat! Nice to meet you,” Manny said, grinning and giving a little wave with the stump of his bottom hand. “Nice to the be the fourth guest on the stream.”

“Elena coming in her to swat me does not count.” She vehemently disagreed in chat.

“Yeah, no, pretty sure it counts. Do you guys know, he was just going to put up the one string of lights?” Shaking his head, Manny tutted. “Wasn’t even going to take down half the horror décor.”

“Excuse me for not wanting to put it back up again,” Mike grumbled, rolling his eyes.

“Criminal behavior.”

“I am a criminal. Fuck, you’re a former criminal.”

“Attempted murder and cannibalism are no excuse for half-assing the decoration on a Christmas stream.”

“If I’d known you were as bad as the Tennysons…”

“You’d have still had me on ‘cause I’m the only guy around as handsome as Kevin is.” With a shrug Mike turned his attention back towards pulling up Steam.

“It keeps chat happy. Elena got a me a whole list of Christmastime horror games to give a shot, so we’re going to give them a look through and see what we like the look of, maybe get through a few short ones if we want.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Manny said with a nod. “By the way, stream might run a bit long tonight, chat. It is a special occasion.”

“Mm-hm. Now-” Mike turned back to Manny. “-your job tonight is to help pick games, help with any puzzles I get stuck on, and look nice for chat.” Of course chat immediately exploded with accusations that Mike was a ‘lying bastard’ in so many words, but it was less than necessary. Manny just took a bite of cupcake and smirked at him.

“You do know,” he said once he’d swallowed, “that Kevin already told me what I’d signed up for.” Heaving a sigh, Mike turned back towards the camera.

“A man can dream…”

“Keep it up and maybe one day one’ll come true,” Manny said, patting his shoulder, before turning back to chat. “Now, Kev also texted me before the stream started to make sure I remembered to hype up this month’s charity-”

#fanfic #mike: i'm going to put up some lights maybe a few decorations #manny: yeah no give me your wallet we're going all out

[briangroth27]

Look! Up in the Spinner Rack!

It's a bird! It's a plane! It's Action Comics #1!

Yesterday (April 18, 2023) was the super-impressive 85th anniversary of Superman & Lois Lane's first appearances! These two are among my absolute favorite characters in all of fiction & it's amazing to see them continue to flourish & inspire today. There's something indelibly timeless & iconic about the Superman mythos & visuals that makes me feel like a kid again, fully believing a man can fly & wishing I could too.

I vehemently disagree that Superman's outdated & needs to be "cooler." He is cool, he's just not the angry power fantasy some people wish he was. There are other characters for that, but that doesn't mean Clark's one-dimensional or stagnant. He's not an unrelatable god either: he's an immigrant, an adopted son, a husband, a father, a friend. I also prefer him choosing to be a hero in the face of corruption–and because he himself was helped when he was most vulnerable–to being sent here on a mission to save & inspire us; he’s inspirational without being issued a mandate. Whether you prefer Clark Kent or Superman as the primary guy--I've come to think neither is a mask & they're both exaggerated yet honest sides of his personality--he proves power doesn't have to corrupt, that no matter where you're from you can help make things better, and that no matter how weak we seem or powerless we feel, we can all be someone's greatest hero in the fight for truth, justice, & a better tomorrow.

A long time ago I saw someone say Lois is such a strong character that she could've existed without Superman & been just as great, & that's absolutely true. While I love the screwball comedy tenor of their romance, the fact that she's Clark's equal in the fight for justice (& his superior in journalism) makes her every bit the hero he is. Sure she gets into danger a lot, but usually it's her tenacity to stop criminals & get the story that lands her there, not a plot requirement for Superman to rescue someone. I don't buy that Superman's humanity & goodness rests entirely on Lois--he loves people & that should be why he pursues journalism, to hear & share their stories, so if he did lose her he wouldn't lose himself--but the two of them absolutely evolve each other's worldviews & arcs brilliantly. Her cynicism & jaded view of the world fading when confronted by both Clark & Superman--but never losing her wit or edge--compliments Superman's never-ending battle challenging his optimism & faith in people perfectly.

Smallville is my absolute favorite version of Superman because of the writing, directing, acting, characters, relationships, & brilliant balance of Clark's dual heritages culminating in his ability to fly. It also didn't hurt that it hit at exactly the right time for me, as I was a year older than Clark when it aired & am still finding commonalities between us (both positive & regrettable hahaha) as I rewatch it again in tandem with Tom Welling & Michael Rosenbaum's Talkville podcast. Smallville also had a tone that allowed for relationship drama, horror-tinged villains, campy fun, & heightened comic book adventures, all grounded by human relationships (& it's my favorite show ever; the one that makes me want to be a writer), but there are so many other great iterations of the Man of Steel out there for everyone! Christopher Reeve (whose acting hands-down proves the glasses & demeanor change works), Superman & Lois, Superman Smashes the Klan, Superman: Miracle Monday, Superman the Animated Series, & Superman: Secret Identity are just a few of the best ones. Take time to check some out this week!

Despite all we've gotten in film, TV, animation, radio, & comics over the decades, there's a beautiful scene in Miracle Monday I've never seen adapted anywhere & I hope we finally get in Superman & Lois, My Adventures with Superman, or the newest iteration in Superman Legacy: at an especially low point, Clark flies to the arctic & just listens. He hears something no one else can--the sounds of the entire planet harmonizing to form the "song of the Earth"--and his heartbeat completes the song, showing him this is where he belongs.

It's insane that we're just 15 years out from Action Comics' 100th anniversary. How will the Man of Tomorrow meet our actual tomorrow? I can't wait to find out & see what's next for Lois & Clark (& Kara, John Henry, Jimmy, Jon, Natasha, Kong, Connor, Krypto, Lana, Martha, Jonathan, Perry, Lex, Brainiac, Bizarro, Parasite, Mxyzptlk, Metallo, Livewire, Silver Banshee, and the rest)!

#superman #lois lane #clark kent #kal el #action comics #dc comics #smallville

[mental-mona]

Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer: What American Jews Fear Most

Fifty-three days ago, citizens of Israel suffered a horrendous attack orchestrated and executed by Hamas.

The solidarity that Jewish Americans initially received from our fellow citizens in the aftermath of Oct. 7 has since waned, drowned out by other, more disturbing voices, even from some we considered allies, while hate crimes against Jews have skyrocketed.

Today, too many Americans are exploiting arguments against Israel and leaping toward a virulent antisemitism. The normalization and intensifying of this rise in hate is the danger many Jewish people fear most.

Since Oct. 7, Jewish-owned businesses that have nothing to do with Israel have been boycotted and vandalized. Jewish students on college campuses have been harassed and assaulted with alarming frequency. A Jewish high school teacher in Queens told me about being forced to hide in a locked office from student protesters who were demanding that she be fired because she attended a rally supporting Israel.

These are just a few examples, but they point to a troubling trend. Too often in Jewish history, legitimate criticism of Israeli policies or even older disputes over religious, economic and political issues have crossed over into something darker, into attacking Jewish people simply for being Jewish.

What happened last week at the Queens high school is an example of crossing that threshold. Walking out of school to march in support of Palestinians is completely legitimate. But forcing a Jewish teacher to hide because she had attended a rally in support of Israel is antisemitism, pure and simple.

For many Jewish people today, the rise of antisemitism is more than a crisis — it’s a five-alarm fire. That’s why I feel compelled to speak out, especially considering the growing disparity between how Jewish people understand the rise of antisemitism and how many of my non-Jewish friends regard it.

While American Jews have always been wary of the hatemongers lurking on the edges of our society, we are proud to be American, because in this country, unlike so many others, our ancestors were able to put down roots and flourish.

Take my own family story. Only in America could an exterminator’s son grow up to be the first Jewish party leader in the Senate.

But many of my family members elsewhere met more tragic ends.

When I was a boy, I learned what happened when the Nazis invaded my family’s town in Ukraine. The Nazis ordered my great-grandmother to gather her extended family on the porch of her home. When the Nazis told her to come with them, she refused, and they gunned her down, along with 30 members of her family, from 85 years old to 3 months old.

When I heard the story of what Hamas and its allies did in Kibbutz Be’eri, where they killed more than 120 Jews, from the elderly to babies, it struck me on a deeply personal level.

Most Jewish Americans have similar stories — stories that we learned at a young age and will stay imprinted on our hearts for as long as we live.

We see and hear things differently from others because we understand the horrors that can follow the targeting of Jewish people. We’ve learned the hard way to fear how such attacks can easily erupt into widespread antisemitism if they are not repudiated. I am sure Arab Americans have similar fears when they see the rise in Islamophobia and horrific crimes like the gut-wrenching murder of the 6-year-old Wadea Al-Fayoume.

Of course, criticizing the Israeli government is not inherently antisemitic. Over the years, I have vehemently disagreed with many of Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s policies, especially his administration’s encouragement of settlements in the West Bank, gravely harming prospects for a two-state solution, which I support. I have also been among those who have said that Israel must act according to international law and that humanitarian assistance for Palestinians is critical.

But when criticism against Israel is allowed to cross over into something different — into a denial of a Jewish state in any form, into open calls for the very destruction of Israel, while at the same time the self-determination of other peoples is exalted — that is an example of the discriminatory double standard Jewish people have always found so hurtful. And we worry about what could come next.

Because for centuries, what is good for everybody else has been too often denied to the Jew. Jews could live here but not there; Jews could hold this job but not that.

And to declare that only the Jewish people cannot have their own state, in any form, is a glaring example of that double standard Jewish Americans so fiercely object to.

I implore every person and every community and every institution to stand with Jewish Americans and to denounce antisemitism in all of its forms. Americans are stewards of the flames of liberty, tolerance and equality that warm our melting pot and make it possible for Jewish Americans to prosper alongside Palestinian Americans as well as every other immigrant group.

America has always been exceptional. But when it matters most, are we still a nation that can defy the course of human history, where the Jewish people have been ostracized, expelled and massacred over and over again?

I believe the answer can and must be a resounding yes.

And I will do everything in my power — as Senate majority leader, as a Jewish American, as a citizen of a free society, as a human being — to make it so.

#chuck schumer #jumblr #antisemitism #against antisemitism #op ed #american jews #jewish community

[strangeswift]

I actually think it is important to be be 'controversial' sometimes because it clears your mind. I am speaking from personal experience. After reading same things over and over again in the tag and seeing the same takes, it blurs your mind and it is like you join a caddle. Then you kinda need to step back and think more clearly and reading other takes and readings help you to clear your mind. I've changed my mind on many things because of that and I believe I have a better understanding in things now than before. Like. I am not gonna get blindsided by what happens next on the show because I do not agree with most popular byler takes (that are reaches most of the time). I still read those things but I am open to different or 'controversial' takes and ideas that are not widely accepted by the bylers in the tag.

Hi anon!!!! Oop I went on a rant so hold on lemme put a read more. Warning I talk about byler doubt (just the concept of having doubts nothing specific about it) towards the end.

Okay anon I agree and this makes me feel good about posting opinions that go against the grain. So thank you for saying this, because I'll be real even though I am confident in my takes, sometimes voicing them comes with a level of anxiety. Here's the thing. The tag likes to act like there are certain things we know for sure are going to happen in S5 (byler endgame being the biggest thing obviously, but there are lots of other more specific things, byler related and not) and the truth is: We Don't Know Anything For Sure!! And I think it's wise to be prepared for the possibility that things work out differently than we are expecting. And this goes for fandom discourse as well not just theories like I think the tag is a bit of an echo chamber, like you said. It truly is easy to get sucked it. I've always been extremely skeptical, that's just how I am, and sometimes I forget that just.. not everyone is as skeptical as I am. Don't get me wrong, I have been sucked in before too. There have been instances where I held an opinion, then when I examined it further I realized it was just rooted in the fact that everyone else held that opinion, and I didn't actually agree with it. But generally I take anything and everything with several grains of salt, which is why like you said it's probably good for me to talk about my opinions when they differ from the norm, because it offers an alternative line of thinking. I do keep my mouth shut about most things because I like to be liked, but yk... I also. hmm do I wanna talk about this.. eh fuck it. I think the biggest thing that makes me "controversial" to some people, other than disagreeing with widely accepted theories, is that I have on several occasions voiced my Byler Doubt™️. And honestly there's a reason why I do sometimes talk about it. I realize that there's no point in dwelling on the possibility of byler not happening, it's depressing. And I would never put doubt in the tag or anything like that. But here's my thing. When I was a smaller blog and didn't have the platform I do now, NONE of the big blogs ever EVER expressed any level of doubt. The narrative was "having doubt is bad, endgame is obvious, if you don't find it obvious you are media illiterate, stuck in heteronormativity, or just plain stupid." And I vehemently disagree with that. Frankly? I find 100% confidence to be a little bit unrealistic, but I would never ever think someone is any less intelligent for having 100% confidence! But I digress. My point is, I suspect there are many people, like me, who have doubts and who feel very isolated. Having doubt is literally taboo, which is insane to me. It's cult vibes is what it is. Anyway. Now that I have a big enough platform that I more or less can kind of say what I want and not get blacklisted, I almost feel a responsibility to occasionally be like hey by the way, I have my doubts! Just so people know. Because it doesn't make you stupid. It makes you realistic. Okay rant over sorry <3

#byler doubt #<- tagging so i don't get yelled at <3 #asks #abby rambles

[natsmagi]

proship anon again. I'm sorry if I got a bit heated. I'm very thankful that you are a kind enough human being to say that even despite being vehemently against those types of content, you still don't condone the harassment of people who create it. honestly I'm really glad to hear it.

I think myself and lot of other proshippers who do engage with these things in a completely online space tend to feel like we are constantly in danger because of the current social media client. I personally was "called out" as a pedophile when I was only 17, literally just because I said it wasn't okay to harass people who make dark/problematic content. so like. I'm sure you can sort of see where I'm coming from.

I guess the way I see it is that at the end of the day if an actual, literal pedophile can get their fill of that kind of thing in a way that is entirely fictional and in no way harms real life children, I would prefer that they have that as a substitute to the horrible alternative. I can't claim to understand how that sort of person's mind works but like. idk. I am aware of how insane this sounds I hope you understand what I'm trying to get at here.

anyway I don't want to get into it more, it's tiring for me to talk about, too. I'm really sorry I came at you like that, I'm just kind of like. frustrated that my friends and I who I know would never hurt anyone are getting lumped in with criminals and abusers. it sucks. I don't think there's one entirely right answer. I just wish the whole thing was handled with nuance, and very much to your credit, you do handle the situation with nuance, so thank you.

again, I apologize for bringing this upsetting topic back into your inbox again. I won't send any more messages about it. I hope you have a really nice day <3

oh its totally fine!! thank you for your kind words!!

and yes, i can understand where youre coming from. its a bit unfortunate that this whole debate is handled in such a black and white fashion when theres so many factors at play. like we've been over, people who actively engage on the side of "antis" tend to be teens. often times they know that something is wrong, and as theyre getting older they feel like they need to take more action /against/ what they think is wrong. i sincerely believe alot of it is out of good intent, and that they think theyre doing the right thing, but when youre 14 youre not very likely to have much grasp on the whole picture. you just see something bad and want to put a stop to it. the drive is admirable, but the execution can unfortunately become inhumane

i dont have a solution for any of this. i dont know what the best approach is. but thats why i at least wish to give people room to speak and to genuinely listen to whats on their mind (at least when it comes to fandom discourse and not like. unfiltered bigotry). i feel like genuinely talking things over and explaining ones side is the least we can do if we wish to remain civil and empathetic to one another, because at the end of the day my main principle is just not wanting people to get hurt. thats my core desire

we may disagree, but i hope you have a good day too! and stay safe out there!!

#ask

[stiricidewrites]

All the Things We’ll Leave Behind: ch 32, pt 9

Previously

~

cym smiled softly at him, asking, “And you do not think me odd?”

“No,” he replied without thought. “I think you are kind and brave, to have offered them a home where they would normally find none.”

She watched him, eyes dark and assessing, before she turned back to the water. Behind them, more of the male alphas had realized they were being excluded from the discussion around Madam Yu and were talking over each other in an attempt to be heard. lwj wasn’t even sure most of them were interested in jyl as a mate, although it wasn’t uncommon for alphas to court an omega simply for the prestige being accepted as a potential mate gave them—even more so the power refusing a mating offer would, should they happen to be given that honour.

There was also something to be said for getting to know your competition and for using the opportunity to impress siblings and parents of other omegas who would soon be offered up for courting. However, lwj did not think this current batch of alphas was doing a particularly good job of impressing anyone. They were loud and rude, and while many of them shared beliefs in alpha rights, they seemed to always be finding points on which they vehemently disagreed. When he glanced back, he could see even Madam Yu glowering at a young man, expounding about the virtues of confining their omegas to the marriage bed. Apparently, for all that the woman thought omegas should know their place, she didn’t want her daughter’s place to be solely the bedroom.

Perhaps that was why she had been so set on jyl marrying jzxuan. Despite barely seeming to know each other, despite having known each other since they were children, at least jzxuan was a kind alpha, who would have treated jyl with distant respect. Plus, lwj was pretty sure his mother—not to mention his siblings—would destroy him if he ever hurt whatever omega he ended up being forced to marry.

Whoever his friend ended up with, he was sure the other alpha would try his best to keep them safe and happy, even if they could never truly love each other the way he knew his friend wanted.

“I am glad my son has become friends with you,” the woman said, dragging lwj’s attention away from his increasingly depressing thoughts and the mess of alphas behind him. “He has always been such an awkward boy, and I’m afraid my actions have made making friends rather difficult for him, even when he manages not to make a fool of himself.”

lwj wanted to defend his friend, claim that the other man had never made a fool of himself in front of him. lwj wasn’t very good at lying, however, and even just that morning, the other alpha had spilled water all over the bunny habitat because he hadn’t been paying attention. They currently had half of the rabbit’s bedding drying back at home, as a result. Instead, he clarified that the actions jzxuan’s mother was referring to was her acceptance of her husband’s affair children.

“Yes. I have lost friends myself due to my acceptance of those children, people who believed it was my duty to be cruel to them, while still supporting my husband with a loving smile.”

“Ridiculous,” lwj spit out, already wondering if he could figure out which of her former friends had dropped her for such an inane reason. He was sure he could, if not through rumours, then through jgy. The beta man likely knew exactly who had hurt his pseudo-mother and would be perfectly willing to let lwj know if the Lans were still doing business with any of their families.

#fanfic #mdzs fanfiction #wangxian #stiricidesbottomji #omegaverse

[thethiefandtheairbender]

My homie please don't tell me you tried to equivalate the real life debate and seriousness bof the don't say gay bill to your anti vs. proship bs

Hi, out queer, ace, and trans person here! I also have an honours degree in the study & history of how fiction can influence reality. Let me take you for a walk (and I'll make sure it's short or else you'll pull the "you think I'm reading all that?") I also already know, thanks to looking at your blog, that you’ve decided I - a sex repulsed, ace adult in a relationship with another adult - am a pedophile, so thanks for bringing back the years of harassment I experienced when I was a literal minor but was unwilling to post my age online bc u know, I was a minor who wanted to keep my privacy a mind-whopping... 2.5 years ago. But clearly I’m decrepit and out of touch now. Never change, tumblr.

A lot of current American politics, including the Don't Say Gay bill (and previously the Hayes Code) was derived from puritanical Victorian era leanings and Calvinistic conservative Christianity. This includes: gayness as an identity > an act (trial of Oscar Wilde), idealization of motherhood, and the moral panic surrounding the 'degradation' of the English language that 18-19th century Grammarians were always concerned with (hi Samuel Johnson).

Another thing grammarians and writers have been concerned with since before is what is Okay to be portrayed in art. Plato's The Republic thinks that art is immoral because it may give people unrealistic or unsafe ideas because people are 'unable' to distinguish fiction from reality. He later retracted this, although Aristotle's Poetics was a text where Aristotle disagreed with Plato's prior established opinion.

Re: the past 3000+ years of literary discourse - those who try to restrict the radical aspects of art lose the argument every time, and start it back up 30 years later.

I'm sure I don't have to tell you that art has always been very political, as is most things. Fandom, as a pop-junkie transformative spiel, has also been deeply political, particularly for marginalized people.

Fandom nowadays is full of people who believe that, in order to be really sorry about something, someone has to publicly repent per whatever moral standard has been decided to else the congregation - I mean twitter - will publicly shame them for their sin.

Fandom is entrenched in cultural Christianity and the conservative mindsets that come with it. Aphobia in fandom was rampant from 2014-2017; truscum and tucute discourse as well; how prevalent TERF rhetoric can be (women are inherently good, attraction to men is shameful, etc). I've seen all of these things in fandom. All hinge an idea on being able to decode a person's intent (somehow), the rising attachment of morality to genres of entertainment (antis), and how many antis I've seen that are TERFs or Aphobes or guzzling down that rhetoric without even realizing.

Terfs and the Conservative far-right have a long history of working together. Both frame concerns of gay people as pedophiles, being anti sex work (because sex is nasty and a sin), that we must Protect the Children who cannot monitor or make any decisions for themselves at any age. The anti vs pro ship dynamic online is a microism of larger public discussions regarding purity culture - and that includes how queerness is overly sexualized, how queer sex is seen as especially dirty, the "should kink be at pride?" discourse, and issues with respectability politics.

Antis who say we have to harass people to control what exists in fandom to "protect minors" on a moral basis are ideologically adjacent to parents who decry earlier Sex Education for children (which, every time it's implemented, is shown to decrease the amount of abuse children face, not further it). A quick scroll through your blog tells me you're willing to generalize hundreds of people's personal history with CSA because you don't think survivors can 1) vehemently disagree with you or 2) demand disclosure of their personal history to exist online void of that harassment.

Aka to take some tags to the forefront: #like the schools don't want to talk about queerness and are banning books so kids don't get Ideas#and people also don't want 'problematic' fiction in fandom in case kids get Ideas or can't use critical thinking skills#it's not a hard leap to make

It sounds like you're the one who has a problem with reading comprehension and building connections between different kinds of discourse, not me. It's almost like teenagers (queer or otherwise) raised in conservative or culturally Christian homes are more susceptible to puritanical rhetoric, or something... 🤔 (I could also get into just how American the current fandom anti vs pro conflict is, but I think this is long enough, don't you?)

A final note from this article:

Beyond betraying simple art illiteracy, though, these intensely personal, emotional complaints and appeals to public safety have a clear antecedent: religious and conservative opposition to “obscenity.” The centering of individual values and pain, the assumption that a universal moral standard exists which should guide all public or quasi-public art and behavior, and the belief that art can do material harm to both people and culture as a whole unite the two at first apparently disparate groups of angry indie gamers and religious fundamentalists.

The deployment of victimhood as an unimpeachable defense is an old tactic frequently used by hate groups like One Million Moms and its parent organization, the American Family Association, whose rallying cry “think of the children” now echoes through everything from intra-community Gay Pride discourse to the drearily predictable “there’s too much sex on TV” tweets that seem to sweep across the platform on a weekly basis.

#anti purity culture #thanks for asking #sincerely a very tired nb queer english major #wasn't as short as i wanted but like #had to approach a certain level of incompetence with a direct read

[idontlikeem]

hi!! i was curious from a wild's fan if this level of physical play is customary?? and how you feel about it being directed toward pens...to be honest i am quite scandalized.

alright so, yeah, let's talk about this. i've been sitting on this ask since thursday's game because i wanted to get my thoughts straight about it.

below the cut you will find my thoughts on the wild's recent heel turn, along with a little bit of musing on how we got here and hockey culture as a whole. it's long. i'm sorry. let's gooooo:

the western conference, for the most part, has always always been a much heavier, more physical conference than the east. if you exclusively watch the pens (or one of the other eastern conference teams, i'm not sure if i have too many followers who follow other teams that extensively but if you're one of them, hi! who are your other faves and why?), it probably comes as a surprise whenever we play one of those western teams. they're bigger and meaner and play rougher hockey overall.

the wild have been no exception, especially this season. their 'third line' (i put that in quotes because the wild head coach vehemently disagrees with labeling and numbering his lines like that, and he does tend to roll them more and distribute ice time more equally than a lot of other teams do), which you'll see referred to as the GREEF line, has only four goals against when they're out on the ice together this whole season (the second fewest in the league, with more than 100 more minutes more than the line ahead of them—if you want to look at how other lines stack up, go to moneypuck.com!), and a LOT of it has to do with their big, physical presence. they have spent all season bullying other teams' top lines off the puck, while also managing to score a tidy number of goals themselves.

i don't have a problem with that. this is hockey—big hits, consensual fights, physical play, that's all part of the game. you're not gonna see me sitting here condemning the heavy, rough side of hockey, because i like it, and i think for the most part the players do too.

HOWEVER.

cheap shots—crosschecks after goals, shoving people with their back to you when you're close to the boards and it's totally avoidable, etc—none of that has a place in the game.

the wild have played with an edge all season. they're a good team, they had a guy who could step up and prevent other teams from taking liberties with the skill guys, and they haven't been afraid to deploy him.

there's a difference between making sure stuff stays respectful, though, and having people goon it up with intent to injure.

since the wild traded for middleton and deslauriers, they've been stepping over the line more and more frequently, in my opinion. every hockey player is gonna make a questionable play from time to time, that's how the game goes, but i've watched them since the trade deadline, and there's a difference between having a heavyweight to keep the game in line (foligno) and specifically employing goons that embolden the rest of the team to play loosey-goosey with acceptable behavior.

i don't think kevin fiala intended to hurt jason zucker on that play. for the most part, with some exceptions, i'm pretty sure most pro hockey players, these days at least, aren't actively looking to injure their opponents. however, he didn't have to make that hit. he could have pulled back. jason was in a vulnerable position, he wasn't facing kevin at all, and they were incredibly close to the boards. that's a dangerous play, and it was a play kevin had time to pull back on and avoid. he didn't. and that's what i don't like.

so, this leads me to, if the wild ALREADY had a heavy style of play, why did they trade for two enforcers?

the answer is simple: that's playoff hockey, babey. the wild are gearing up for the postseason.

it is known that playoff hockey is a totally different game than regular season hockey. penalties basically don't get called, and the refs that already purposely miss a lot of shit in the name of game management swallow their whistles even more. teams that succeed and make it through the postseason have to have a combination of size AND skill—you need elite playmakers and scorers AND heavies who can keep the other team in line and dissuade them from roughing up your stars at any given opportunity.

this is how it's always been. the league sometimes comes out with flaccid statements that they're going to enforce consistency among the refs, they're going to call the rulebook, they're going to crack down on crosschecking or whatever the penalty of the day is....it never happens. never.

so, when i'm looking at my beloved wild inching over the line of acceptable play (in my opinion only, of course, please do not take this as me making an authoritative statement at all), i am disappointed, i don't like it (and i wouldn't like it no matter who the opponent was), and also....

how do i blame them? this is a team that's all-in for the stanley cup. how do i say, no, don't get bigger and tougher and meaner when you know it's the best way for you to make it out of your division; you should instead sit back and let your skill players get tossed around the ice and get knocked out?

the problem here isn't the wild. it isn't the western conference. it's not even the players.

it's the reffing. it's the culture of hockey, which is still being stifled at the top by old-school dinosaurs who hate skill games and gloat over fourth-line plugs taking potshots at kids for having the audacity to be better.

think about what the commentator says in that clip. "you wanna skill it up? you better be prepared to get punched in the mouth". what the hell is that?

that line, and his smug gloating 'wow wasn't that fun~' attitude the whole time, to me encapsulates EVERYTHING that's wrong with the prevailing attitude around the sport.

as long as we have men like that calling the game, in the upper echelons of the league, guys who are stuck in the 70s and want to see career-ending fights instead of displays of elite skill and puckhandling, nothing will change. teams will continue to add enforcers and goons to bolster their playoff chances. teams that don't will get knocked around and risk injury to their stars. and the game will never, ever grow.

new fans don't want to see trevor zegras get crosschecked to the ice because some no-skill dick who's had one goal all season decided to have a temper tantrum over his team playing like shit and getting run off the ice. they want to see the fun, flashy plays. they want to see the lacrosse goals scored by guys with personality. they want to see sidney crosby putting on an edgework clinic and feeding his wingers with gorgeous, impossible passes. they want to see evgeni malkin deke around three defensemen and sniping in a goal. they want to see connor mcdavid skating past an entire team like they're standing still. they want to see auston matthews make it to 60 goals in a season. and, hell, they want to see big, clean hits and fights that both players agreed to in advnace.

they don't want to see some no-name ending a young star's night, and potentially his whole career, because he's having a hissy fit that his team sucks and decided to continue punching a guy who was already on the ice and wasn't engaging any longer.

i don't know how this gets fixed until the league as a whole realizes that people aren't interested in watching brain injuries occur live on TV. what will it take to get them to that point? i think it involves getting off the carousel of 'let's keep hiring the same 50 guys for GM and coach' and bringing in fresh voices that can speak for what new, younger fans want.

the reffing this season has been HISTORICALLY bad, and all that does is encourage this shit. i know the GMs allegedly talked about it during their meeting last week. but that's just talk. is anything actually gonna be done about it?

i don't know. i sure hope so. something has got to give.

#asks #anon #hockey culture

[musette22]

Hi Minnie! Hope you can help me settle an argument my brother and I are having about EG!Steve. I'd love to hear your thoughts about this with shipping goggles off, looking at it purely in terms of characterization, narrative, and good writing. Better hang on though, it's going to be a long ask! (sorry in advance for spamming you!) 1/7

So my brother and I were watching FatWS and once again got into a debate about whether Steve's last actions were a disservice or in line with his characterization and narrative, given that the Russos confirmed (and therefore it's Word of God/canon, even if it did sound reactionary to the immediate backlash after EG) that Steve created an alternate reality when he went back, and didn't just live in hiding in the past of the OG timeline. 2/7

Because of this, my bro argued that: 1) the total character assassination that is the idea of Steve just sitting back and letting all the shit happen happen is no longer a problem - for all we know, the alternate reality oldman!Steve came from might have become utopic already due to his presence and foresight. He played coy when talking to Sam so we don't know for certain he didn't save Bucky, get rid of Hydra, and enact social reform when he had the chance. 3/7

Likewise, 2) the accusation that Steve would rob Peggy of her husband and children is a non-issue as Steve went back to a time before Peggy and Daniel got together - I argued here that it was still wrong for him to do given that he KNEW for a fact that Peggy lived a happy life, whereas it was a gamble if he could give her the same. My bro shot back when you truly loved someone, you want them to be happy and to have what's best for them. 4/7

So if Steve chose to go back to Peggy, he had to have believed that he could give her the best life. That Steve based that decision purely on his own assessment is pretty in character (e.g. pushing to become a soldier because he thought that was how he could do his part, even though at the time, he'd have just been a danger to himself and other soldiers; not signing the Accords because he believed in his team's judgment in crises above gov't oversight that might be influenced by politics). 5/7

And lastly 3) he might have settled into the past and started to move on, but what was wrong with him choosing to be selfish and going to the past when given a chance? Why was it wrong for him to go back to a time he knew, where he was beloved by both Peggy and the public, and when he could also save Bucky early? In terms of character growth, wouldn't it be fair for him to finally learn he could be a bit selfish and choose happiness, after a lifetime of nearly suicidal selflessness? 6/7

Our debate was based on confirmed canon with shipping put aside. So I put forth the sin of leaving a traumatized Bucky, Sam, and world behind, that Steve's actions were surely the result of a man broken by grief again and again, and that choosing the past was him running away - which, I argued, was a horrible way to end his character arc. But my brother asked me why I thought so, because wasn't this the so-called 'soft epilogue' that Steve deserved, one that was most in line with canon? 7/7

***************

Hey love! Very interesting argument you and your brother are having here… I’m sure he’s a great guy but I have to say that I vehemently disagree with him (as you probably already guessed lol). Soooo many people have done an excellent job at explaining why, shipping aside, Steve’s ending in EG was absolute bollocks, and I’m certain I could never argue this case as well as all of them have. Nevertheless, I’ll do my best to explain why, in my opinion, your brother is wrong :p I’m going to put my reply under the keep reading tag, because it is long.

1.      The Russos and Markus & McFeely (the writers) never managed to agree on whether Steve really did go back to an alternate timeline, and if so, how that would have worked, exactly. When they were asked, after EG had been released, about whether Steve would have just sat back and let everything he knew was happening/going to happen in the decades to come, both to Bucky and to the world at large, they came up with this ‘alternate timeline’ solution, but they kept contradicting each other on the logistics and technicalities of it (like how would old man Steve suddenly be able to jump timelines to come back to give Sam the shield in EG? And how did EG Steve attend Peggy’s funeral, like they also suggested, which would technically have been in a different timeline?). Which makes it pretty clear that this wasn’t something they’d considered beforehand or even all agree on afterwards, and therefore it can’t technically allowed to play a role in judging the rightness of Steve’s ending in EG if we’re looking at it from a ‘the creator’s word is law’ perspective. Moreover, there is nothing to indicate in EG itself that Steve knew he’d be able to create alternate timelines, so that would’ve been a crazy gamble on his part. Also, him ‘playing coy’ in that final scene with Sam really isn’t a convincing indication that he was actually, canonically, talking about anything besides marrying Peggy.

2.      Which bring us to point two: Peggy had literally told Steve she’d lived a happy life with her family, and told him in no uncertain terms to move on. If Steve really loved her, he would have accepted her wishes and allowed her the dignity of her choice (something Peggy herself, in CA:TFA, had told Steve was important to do when you care about someone) to move on from him once she believed him dead. Steve deciding that he would be better for Peggy because he believed was a better man than the person she ended up marrying originally would be the most un-like Steve thing to do, ever. Steve has never once shown that he thinks of himself as the hero or better than other people – he simply wants to do the best he can to help make the world a better place. He would never say “Peggy deserves the best and I believe I am the best, therefore she will have me, regardless of what she thinks or wants.” Steve drinks respect women juice, that’s clear from all of his movies, and deciding the course of her entire life for her, taking away her agency, whether in his own timeline or another, would be utterly disrespectful to Peggy.

3.      As for the next point: of course there’s nothing wrong with Steve being selfish for once – Steve is human, and all humans are selfish sometimes, and that’s okay. But, as Chris Evans already explained multiple times prior to Endgame, Steve had already made selfish decisions in the past, namely when it came to getting Bucky back and keeping him safe. Shipping aside, Bucky was presented in all the Cap movies as Steve’s very best friend, and was even called his ‘soulmate’ (platonically or otherwise) by M&M (the writers). So when, in Civil War, Steve was presented with a choice between duty/what was expected of him by the government versus saving Bucky/keeping Bucky safe, Steve was selfish and chose Bucky. That, canonically, made sense. Peggy being presented as the ultimate love of Steve’s life, who he loved and valued more than anyone or anything else in the world (which is what happened in EG), canonically does not make sense. 

In CA:TWS, Peggy told Steve to move on. When Peggy died, Steve buried her and mourned her, and then not long after, he canonically kissed Peggy’s niece. Then, in Infinity War, Steve saw Bucky turn to dust before his very eyes in the “Blip” (a conscious decision on the writers’/directors’ part to show how Steve once again lost what was most important to him while helplessly standing by) – and the next thing we know, Steve is leading a support group for other people who lost loved ones in the Blip, and starts talking about losing… Peggy? Huh. Also, Steve going back to a time which your brother calls “a time when he was beloved the public” doesn’t add up, either: technically, Steve went back to a time where people loved an idea of him, but also believed him to be dead. So either he would have had to have found a way to convincingly stage his own resurrection (meanwhile possibly leaving the other version to vegetate in the ice..? depending on how this timeline malarkey was supposed to work), or he would have lived his whole life hidden behind some fake persona – which does not sound like Steve at all, does it?

4.      Finally, let’s talk about Bucky some more, because I think we need to to be able to assess the situation properly. I understand that your brother may believe that shippers are often delusional and only see what they want to see etc, but there is ample evidence, canonically, of Bucky being the most important person in Steve’s life – the person he would give up the shield for, the person he would give up his other friendships for, the person he would give up his life for. Peggy may have been a recurring character in character in the three Cap movies, but she was never presented as the principal motivator of his actions, or as the love of Steve’s life. You know who was? Bucky. Sure, that love wasn’t canonically romantic in nature, but there can’t be any doubt that Bucky meant more than anything to Steve. Therefore, Steve choosing to have a ‘soft epilogue’ that entails him spending the rest of his life without Bucky – and, more importantly, Bucky to spend the rest of his life without Steve – contradicts everything we’ve learned about their relationship (platonic or otherwise) in the rest of the movies, does it not? 

Also, the Russos have said something to the effect that Bucky and Steve were now both mentally ‘well enough’ to not ‘need’ each other anymore (because as we all know, that’s exactly how friendships work…), but it’s pretty clear from EG that Steve was still traumatized by everything he’d been through, and going back to the 50s would have meant he would never be able to get proper help with that and in fact could only talk about any of it with Peggy and Peggy alone. Moreover, M&M have literally said in interviews that Bucky wasn’t all that well yet, mentally, and TFAWTS also shows convincingly that Bucky was not actually in a good place when Steve left him. So that would have meant that Steve either did not see this (unlikely, given how close they were) or did not care (unlikely, given how close they were). 

It would have meant that for the first time in all these movies, Steve decided “to hell with Bucky’s needs, I’m gonna just be selfish because I’ve earned it and claim my trophy wife because actually I am the best man for her, despite the fact that she’s already lived a happy life that I will be negating against her wishes, but that’s fine because maybe I’ll be able to create a different timeline, and maybe I’ll be able to save Bucky from all his trauma anyway, but then again maybe not, but that brings me back to my first point of to hell with Bucky’s needs” - which does not make a lot of sense to me, personally. Not to mention that, in exchange for his ‘soft epilogue’, Steve would also leave the world to sort out the post-Blip mess without him, and leave all the other friends he still had left and clearly cared about a lot to boot. I would not call that character growth, I would call that character disintegration. If your brother insists on taking the creator’s word as gospel and that we have to accept that Steve really did do what he did at the end of Endgame, and that wasn’t just a case of bad, lazy writing fuelled by greed, then to make a decision like this, Steve would have been either an asshole in disguise all along, or mentally extremely unstable.

There you have it, my two cents! I hope this helps a little in settling the argument with your brother, anon! Lots of love ❤️

#anti endgame #steve rogers #minnie answers #Anonymous

[nevertheless-moving]

Suicidal Misunderstanding X

Star Wars Time Travel AU #27

Part I - - - - - Part II - - - - - Part III - - - - - Part IV - - - - - Part V - - -  - - Part VI - - - - - Part VII - - - - - Part VIII - - - - - Part IX

“I realize this is incredibly difficult,” the Nautolan Soul Healer said calmly. “But in order for us to help Obi-Wan, we need to determine the cause of his current disconnection with reality. Based on the drug panel, and convenient surveillance, we have, to the best of our ability, ruled out temporary psychosis brought on by a drug interaction.”

Cody stiffened further, not sure how to react to anything anymore. When a brother tried to end his own life, it was usually obvious why.

Sife Aerdo continued on. “There have, of course, been cases of Jedi Seers giveing into their fears of the future, or losing their sense of reality, but every case study involving such an extreme reaction was the result a gradual degradation over the course of many years. Nevertheless, it seems clear that Obi-Wan experienced a vision, and it may have impacted his breakdown to some extent. The more we know, the more successful any attempts to convince him of reality will be.”

Bant furrowed her brow in thought, trying to replay three decades of increasingly vague discussions of nightmares.

”Considering the high profile nature of his position, we cannot rule out some kind of psychological attack, perhaps even a darksider incursion.

Anakin leaned forward intently, the inside of his skull buzzing with white noise.

"All that being said, we must be prepared to treat Obi-Wan’s self harm as the  culmination of a long and quiet mental health struggle. He would not be the first in the Order to disguise such a thing with durasteel self-discipline.”

At that, Bant and Mace took a moment to release their feelings to the force, while Anakin raised his shields defensively.

Master Aerdo finally hesitated, before continuing in the same smooth tone. “I would ordinarily prefer to structure this kind of conversation quite differently- allow Obi-Wan time to share his feelings first and invite you each separately to support him in the healing process. But he’s gone from fighting sedatives and force compulsions as though the fate of the galaxy depended on it, to a self-induced coma. All while barely lucid, yet still somehow maintaining Master Class mental shielding. We need to get a better understanding of his mental landscape if we’re going to even begin the process of treatment."

It is necessary to note that everyone in that room had led, in one way or another, a somewhat miserable life. This was the main reason none of them could claim that the next five hours were the worst they had ever experienced. 

“But he’s always had terrible sleeping habits.” Anakin said hoarsely.

“Yes, but I think they got worse after Qui-Gon passed,” Bant argued, not sure what point she was making. 

“When I pointed out he couldn’t be getting more than three hours a night he told me that he could manage on meditation” Cody offered irritably.

“That’s technically true,” Mace confirmed. “If the Master in question is well-balanced otherwise”

“So its like his eating habits, crushing responsibilities, and repeated exposure to violence, then? Completely fine for a Jedi, in less it’s not, in which case it’s a major red flag?” 

“I think it would help to establish a timeline.“

Aerdo actually dredged up old mission reports, leading to the group reluctantly contacting Ashoka for her memories of Mortis.

At her Master’s insistence, she told them everything she remembered, hazy as it was, nervously elaborating on her own memories of falling. To her confusion, Master Windu all but brushed past that, assuring her that the important thing with stepping into darkness was the choice to the return to the light. Anakin bizarrely agreed with Windu. Out loud. Unnerved by the cooperation more than anything, she put her holographic foot down and demanded to know what was going on. 

Anakin took the comm-link into a separate room to speak privately.

Upon return, he informed the group (with a visibly red and puffy face) that Kit would be escorting her back from Mount Cala cleanup early, daring anyone to disagree. Windu nodded and the conversation continued on.

Together they rewatched holo-footage of Obi-Wan laughing amongst Ghost company the night before last, and debated reports from psychometric investigators who had scoured the cantina as well as Obi-Wan’s personal quarters for traces of illicit substances. Between that and another drug panel, they were finally forced to conclude that despite the timing, the alcohol at most confused Obi-Wan’s perception of a vision, or possibly simply loosened his tongue.

Bant prodded Cody to repeat every word from the holocar ride to the temple, taking furious notes. Cody was unable to stop the heat that crawled up his face.

Just when the looming horror of Obi-Wan actually preparing to intentionally die started to break over Anakin, Windu interjected.

“You don’t see what I do,” the Harun Kal said grimly. “Something galaxy-sized shattered around Obi-Wan and he didn’t break from it. The closest comparison I have is Master Yaddle’s presence when she meditated on her confinement. He’s chosen to keep going, even when, quite frankly, death would be a release. We’re missing something fundamental.”

“He said there were ‘other dark forces at work.’ Even if the fight was objectively hopeless... there’s no way he would choose to die because of it!” Anakin agreed vehemently, shaking off morbid fears.

“But he did choose to die.” Cody said quietly. And the wind went out of Anakin’s sails.

“Lets go back.”

Anakin gritted his teeth as they picked apart everything ‘unusual’ Obi-Wan had said and done leading up to his visit with Bant.

“What exactly did he...”

“So Plo Koon was able to get a read through his shields?”

“Did he have anything to eat?”

“How did that compare to...”

“When he's mentioned things in the future...did it seem good or bad to you?” Bant asked.

“Bad.” Cody and Anakin said in unison. Remembering the trip to the temple Cody spoke again, “Definitely bad.”

“Right. When we were talking he sometimes used the wrong tenses for things, people. I confronted him on not knowing ‘when’ he was after Knight Skywalker left. He told me that he knew what was real, but he was “enjoying not fully living in the moment” he also said that he intended to “wake up”

“Enjoying? That’s the exact word he used?” Cody asked incredulous. 

“He did seem...mostly happy yesterday. Giddy, at points.” Anakin said, slumping in on himself.

Bant looked at her notes once more before addressing the group.

“This isn’t vision psychosis in any manner I’ve heard of before...but I think I might have a theory. He used to have intense visions when we were kids; plenty of us did sometimes, but Obi-Wan would be unable to sleep after. What terrified him more than anything was the uncertainty that he might make the wrong choice- even when the vision was about something good, or neutral. His visions gradually stopped coming around puberty. We just had a conversation about this a few months ago- how relieved he was to only have to manage flashes of precognition. If he had a random, horrifying vision of a terrible future...suicide wouldn’t be his reaction. It’s too final.”

“Even if he blamed himself for what he saw coming?” Mace asked.

“Especially if he blamed himself.” Bant said. 

“What’s your theory?” Aerdo prodded.

“What if...what if he was telling the truth when he said he could separate out what was real and what was not? What if there was no distortion or blurring between now and then? What if he was just wrong about which was which?”

“That...would be a very extreme and abnormal manifestation of force-induced psychosis. He has training in distinguishing reality from visions. The continued presence of his mental shielding means that the fabric of his mind can’t be so horrifically collapsed in on itself.” 

“What if the vision was actually that realistic?” Bant said, pushing back against the soul healer. “So detailed and vivid that it effectively was a reality in itself, and everything else, all of us...”

“Were just memories” Anakin finished. “It would...actually explain pretty much everything. You said he wanted to wake up and when...when I found him.” He stopped, swallowing. “When I found him, he argued with me...what if he wasn’t trying to hurt himself? If you’re right...that would mean I found him trying to get back to reality.”

“It could explain his behavior in the halls...his desperation to wake...” Sife mused “But it runs counter to every other experience I’ve had with those managing prophetic visions. Master Windu, could that explain the shatterpoints you saw?”

“I’m not certain. It would have to have been extraordinarily real to create the echos of Shattering I witnessed. I don’t know if that depth of vision has occurred before, but then again, many things are possible in the force.”

“You really think he might have been...trying to wake up from dream? By killing himself?!” Cody asked incredulous.

“If that ends up being what happened I am going to give him such shit. That is the worst way to end a vision.” Anakin replied.

“Yes. It is.” Bant said pointedly. “That’s why it’s a last resort, after every other attempt to wake fails.” 

They all sat in silence, processing various implications. Cody was unnerved by another terrifying insight into force powers, as well as the idea that the General might vividly remember Cody being inexplicably mind-controlled into trying to kill him. Anakin was trying to understand what this would mean for them, and the conversations he had thought they had had. Did...any of it count, if he thought he was offering it to a hallucination?

“Alright, this is a valuable working idea, but let’s make sure to examine everything with an open mind before we draw any more conclusions. Anakin, what happened after you left the healers office?”

Obi-Wan’s critique of the practicalities of visiting a soul healer could be and was interpreted multiple ways. The incongruity of peacekeepers in war sparked a rehash of earlier discussion. More apologies. Self identifying as ‘crazy’ inspired new debate, especially in the context of the new theory. 

“When I saw him enter the fountain room I assumed he had had a brutal run-in with  dark force user.” Windu explained. “Based on everything we’ve gone over, I don’t understand when...but some of the more insidious sith compulsions work by taking whatever small anger or hurt you feel and magnifying them until they consume you. If Obi-Wan was already experiencing self loathing...”

Cody sucked in a breath. “Then a Sith mind suggestion would bring him to commit suicide. It...sounds like something he might do, if he was partially in control. Take the blow rather than let himself be used as a weapon against anyone else, even his worst enemy.”

“Hells, it could have been an even vaguer compulsion, driving him to attack the person he hates the most,” Bant added darkly.

Anakin buried his head in his hands, trying to hold it together. He couldn’t afford to lose control or get angry. Hells, getting angry at Obi-Wan for ‘failing him’ when in pain could be the reason Obi-Wan was currently in the healing halls. The man said he loved him unconditionally, then practically had a breakdown over how much Anakin pushed that unconditional love to the breaking point, then killed himself. How was he supposed to-

“Anakin? Are you alright to continue?” someone said.

“Yes. No. There’s more I have to tell you...I don’t know if it will help but - it was hurting Obi-Wan...I...”

“Let’s just take it one step at a time. What happened after you left Mace?”

Apparently even Cody somehow knew more about Bruck Chun than Anakin. Master Windu and Eerin told different sides of the same sad story, which spiraled back into a conversation about Obi-Wan’s inadequacy issues, which somehow devolved into a long rant about Qui-Gon Jinn that Master Windu had apparently been holding back for years. 

“My apologies.” He said afterwards, clearing his throat as the group stared, taken aback. “Old grievances. Go on Anakin, what did happened after you got to the ‘secret spot.’”

“He...was skirting around whatever was bothering him...I pushed him...told him I wanted to help...he said I couldn’t...because it was me...because of what I...”

Anakin stood up suddenly, feeling the walls of the room closing in.

“I’m sorry- I’m sorry I-” 

He ran out.

He turned around almost immediately, pacing in the small corridor, knowing he couldn’t leave, simply needing a minute to catch his breath.

Master Windu followed him out after a moment, not saying anything, just standing there. Watching him.

“What!” Anakin finally snapped. “What do you have to say that I don’t know already!”

“Knight Skywalker-”

“Don’t call me that! I DON’T DESERVE-” 

Anakin let out a frustrated snarl, punching a wall. The crumble of stone beneath this fist briefly made him feel better, but then he remembered Obi-Wan’s heartbroken expression in the light of an underworldly glow, and the tiny, choked sound he heard when the healers moved him and Anakin just...collapsed, falling to his knees.

Master Windu sank down gracefully beside him.

“Anakin. This isn’t about attachment issues, is it.”

“Not really, no. I mean, maybe you’ll blame attachment but it’s more about...”

“Anger.”

Anakin looked up at that, trying to regain the meditative calm he had felt for a glimmering moment yesterday, right in-between making peace in the cave and everything burning to ash. 

“You know that I have had my own struggles with anger. It is how and why I came to develop Vaapad.” 

“Yes, but you’ve Mastered your anger. And you’ve never...never given in to hate.”

A beat passed and Windu watched some of Skywalker’s familiar breaking points flicker into view. 

“You’ve done something. Something you know the Jedi won’t forgive.”

“Obi-Wan forgave me.” Anakin said, whispering. “He said that even though I couldn’t fix what I did he loved me anyway and I just needed to...to honestly regret what I did and not do it again. I told him I’d get rid of my lightsaber and I meant it and...I thought he forgave me. I was ready to go to the Council with him, come clean about everything. And then I left him alone to get dinner and when I came back...he was holding my lightsaber. My lightsaber.” 

Anakin buried his face in his hands, shuddering with creeping cold.

“I’m not going to critique your and Obi-Wan’s attachment to each other right now. I’m well aware that much of the order has turned to personal ties to maintain their stability given the ongoing horrors of war. I am, for many reasons, wary of the risks this brings us, yet it is also true that risks do not automatically mean failure. I myself have mastered my emotions in a different manner than conventional wisdom councils.” 

Windu spoke carefully. For all that he and Anakin had similar relationships with the force, they rarely saw eye to eye on any given subject. At a certain point, Mace had accepted that the volatile young man was determined to find the worst possible interpretation for anything he said. And Mace was not the order’s most patient diplomat.

“As for your crime, whatever it is, l will tell you this: Unless you choose to renounce the code and leave our number, you will be treated as a Jedi Knight, subject to our protections, as well as our judgement. You will receive appropriate mental counseling. If you are judged to be a danger to those around you, your actions will be curtailed and monitored, possibly through temporary confinement.  The Jedi do not believe in punitive measures for their own sake, but you may be required to provide restitution to those you harmed, perhaps indefinitely. 

Silence hung perilously between them. Windu watched a tremor run through the unfathomable kaleidoscopic of shatterpoints that had orbited Skywalker since he was a boy. A small one broke inward, and an attached tangle of larger, darker ones fell away, crumbling to dust. The rest faded from view, invisible for the moment. A choice had been made, some decision that closed off at least one path to the darkside.

“There’s no one to make restitutions to.”

“...You’re going to have to elaborate on that.”

“Let’s go back inside- I don’t want to do this twice.”

They returned to the increasingly hated meeting room.

Anakin spoke in an outpouring of words about love and hate, about misplaced revenge and now uncertain forgiveness. When he finally finished, the room was deathly silent.

The three Jedi sat quietly while Cody pinched the bridge of his nose. “I guess this is why Jedi have the no attachment rule, huh? I admit I never really got it, but I suppose even if I-”

Bant abruptly lunged up, fumbling to bring her lightsaber to Anakin’s neck. Everyone jumped to their feet, except for Anakin, who stared at Bant with a wretched expression.

“MASTER EERIN! This is not-”

“Did you do it?” she asked, ignoring the Master of the Order.

“Bant!”

“It was my first thought after I saw him. We all rushed in expecting a fight, or a bomb, only to find you, insane, and him with a hole next to his heart. I didn’t want to believe it of course, but you’ve always had a violent streak that Obi-Wan, force help him, couldn’t quite soothe away. A fight gone wrong. Master Windu said it was suicide, and I believed him, and I’ve been trying to make sense of that ever since. But Mace found you after, didn’t he? After you felt guilty? Did you think he was going to turn on you?”

“Bant Eerin, you are dangerously-”

“No.” Anakin whispered.

“Obviously I might be why. But I didn’t- I couldn’t. I know I’m not good but I can’t even imagine- holding a saber against him like that. Kriff, do you not get how much I can’t handle losing people I love? I was insane when you saw me because I saw someone trying to kill Obi-Wan and I couldn’t even fight them.”  

Bant held his gaze for several lingering seconds, deactivated her saber and dropping it with a clatter. They stared at each other, breathing heavily and not blinking. She returned to her seat, moving jerkily. “I apologize Knight Skywalker. That was uncalled for.” 

“I wish I could say I wouldn’t have done the same thing in your shoes” he responded lowly. Bant made a tiny, unintelligible noise in reply. 

Cody collapsed back into his chair, holstering his blaster.  “Alright then...so after you finished sitting in the fountain room...what happened next?”

Everyone stared at him.

“What?”

“You’re handling Anakin’s confession somewhat dispassionately. We’re simply surprised.” Mace said slowly, returning to his seat at the same time as Master Aerdo fell into theirs.

Cody shifted uncomfortably. “The vod were trained in a wide range of enemy suppression tactics. While we’re extremely glad the Jedi have never asked us to employ them, I’m not...unfamiliar with this scale of deliberate slaughter. At least in the hypothetical, sir.”

“I see.” Aerdo said. “That is a valuable insight to have, thank you. Knight Skywalker-”

“Just...call me Anakin. Or Skywalker.”

“Anakin. When did this happen?”

“About two years ago, immediately before the First Battle of Geonosis.”

“And have you had any similar experiences with giving into the darkside since?” they asked placidly.

“I don’t think so but...we went to war the next day and....I don’t know if I’ve stopped fighting since it- since I did what I did.”

“Hmm. Anakin, would you mind stepping outside the room and waiting in the corridor for a moment please?” 

He bit his tongue, tasting blood, and quietly walked out the door while the Masters decided his fate. He leaned back against a wall, desperately wanting to see Padme. 

To his surprise, the door opened barely a few minutes later, and he was politely invited back in.

“Anakin.” Master Windu spoke. “Thank you for telling us this. It’s an important insight into Obi-Wan’s feelings right now, and I recognize that you could have kept it a secret. As Head of the Order, and with the advice of a Senior Soul Healer, I have made a decision. You will be assigned a personal soul healer, who you will start seeing tomorrow. Commander Cody pointed out that over nearly two years of continuous warfare, you have maintained some of the the lowest trooper casualty units of any division, by a significant margin if we evaluate based on mission risk level. Your civilian and enemy casualties will be reviewed, but even considering constant war, since your massacre of the Tuskens, you have clearly managed to at least... direct your violence away from the innocent. We do not consider you a threat to the inhabitants of the world. For the time being, I see no real benefit to limiting or tracking your behavior within the temple or on planet, but you are barred from leaving orbit. I have decided to delay a full reckoning before the council until such time that your former Master is well enough to provide his own opinion. Give me just cause, and I will have you confined to a force-suppressing cell. Do you understand?”

Anakin nodded, bowing in acknowledgment. All things considered, it was...honestly better than he expected.

“Now, as Cody” Windu paused. “My apologies, as the Commander was saying-” 

“Cody’s fine, sir” Cody said, wrung out in a way different from anything Kamino had trained him for.

“...I think we can all consider ourselves on a first name basis at this point.” Bant said with a snort. She paused. “That includes you Anakin. I really don’t know how to handle what you did but kark it, I don’t want to hate you. For myself.”

Everyone nodded.

“As Cody was saying, what happened next?”

Peace. Comfort. Hunger. A warning in the force...

-

“I tried to pull the saber back but his finger was already on the igniter...” 

“You probably saved his life. Even a second later-”

“I know, that’s almost the worst part.”

-

“-his neck”

“Why would he change weapons?”

“What if-”

-

“He said what to you and Healer Che?”

“That has to support the detailed vision idea, think about-”

“I’m sorry, Emperor?”

-

“I think we’re done.”

Anakin stared blankly at Sife. “But we didn’t figure anything out.”

“Not conclusively, but we’re unlikely to make any more progress, you’ve given me enough information to preform a meaningful meditative scan, or guide a conversation, should Obi-Wan wake, or navigate through his mind, should we decide to make a more decisive attempt at his shields.”

“Master Aerdo... I leave the final judgement up to you, but I strongly urge you to make a more decisive attempt. I am more convinced now than I was...” Mace glanced at the chronometer “five hours ago that this was motivated by a specific, external stimuli, likely dark. Do you disagree?”

“No.” they said with a sigh. “But I don’t want to underestimate how much underlying factors might have contributed to his response to stimuli, including underlying factors that none of you were aware of.”

The Nautolan Soul Healer stood up, tucking their hands into their sleeves to address the room with classical Jedi serenity. It was a little irritating.

“In any case, we all need to sleep, eat, and meditate. Master Eerin, you have the rest of the day off, I've cleared it with Master Che already. Master Windu, I leave the final judgement up to you, and I am aware that your duties as Master of the Order are unceasing, but I urge you to take some time to center yourself before returning to the council. Commander Cody, I would be more than willing to arrange soul healing for you or any of the Vod, please let me know. Anakin, you will receive a comm later today with further details on your future healing sessions. 

They bowed low, then glided out the door.

Bant stood next, bowed individually to each soul, and sped walked out.

Commander Cody cleared his throat awkwardly, “Mace- what should I tell the troops? We’re supposed to have command briefings later tonight.”

“If anyone asks about General Kenobi, tell them its classified.” I’ll schedule a briefing on the subject. Now go find Captain Rex and take care of yourself, that’s an order.”

Cody saluted, first to the high General, then to Anakin.

Finally it was just Mace and Anakin.

“Is there anyone who you trust who I can call to stay with you.” Master Windu asked.

“I can manage on my own” Anakin replied, not willing to give the Master of the Order anything else he could use against him, even after everything.

Master Windu held back a sigh.

He continued once more, making a deliberate attempt to soften his tone. “Anakin- I know we’ve had our differences, but this is not a trick, nor a trap. You’ve suffered a series of great shocks in the last 24 hours and handled them with immense maturity. I myself am struggling to deal with the emotional fallout.”

Anakin looked up at that, surprised. He didn’t seem to be struggling, but maybe that was what made him a good Jedi Master...

“As I told you before, I am not going to begrudge you the comfort of attachment. I’m rather convinced it would do you more harm than good at this point. I don’t want you flying right now, and you don’t have to be alone. I hope we have come to a better understanding today, but I doubt my presence is suddenly a comfort, though please correct me if I’m wrong. Now is there someone I can call?”

-

Padme ended her call with Master Windu extremely discomfited. She had barely heard from Anakin since he ran out on her the night before last to take care of an apparently extremely drunk Obi-Wan. He had messaged her a few times that night, promising to make it up to her, but had been comm-silent since. She had been starting to get worried, and now the Master of the Order was asking her to pick him up from the temple. Fortunately, she had already cleared most of her meetings for the week well in advance (Courascant leave usually meant THEM time, not that she was jealous of Obi-Wan, of course).

The speeder ride back from the temple was silent. All Anakin would say was that he would explain everything once they were in ‘a secure location.’ 

The door to the apartment had scarcely closed behind them when Anakin fell into her arms, shaking.

“Anakin, talk to me love, what’s wrong?” She gently guided him to the couch, arranging him so she could hold him protectively.

“Obi-Wan tried to kill himself.”

She let out a harsh gasp, “No! He can’t have, he would never-” 

“I got to him in time, but Padme... he was holding a lightsaber to his heart. It was...really close” He burrowed deeper into the folds of her dress, and she gripped him fiercely.

“Oh gods, is he-”

“He’s physically healing, but he’s still...not all there. I spent all of today locked in a room, trying to figure out if it was a Sith Attack, or an insane vision, or..or me”

“Anakin! What do you mean ‘me’ - Obi-Wan loves you, you-”

“I know.” Anakin interrupted her again, knowing he was being unfair; he was just too exhausted to be patient.

“He told me loved me. He...he...found out about what I did to the Tusken village, You should have seen his face, Padme, he was horrified, but he still told me he loved me, and he was willing to forgive me, even though he shouldn’t”

“Of course he forgave you,” Padme whispered. “You’re not a monster, Anakin, I know you would never do something like that again.”

"And then after we talked, I left him alone and he-” Anakin choked out into her dress.

Tears ran down her face, heart breaking. “That’s- that’s horrible. Anakin...it must have have been a attack, Obi-Wan wouldn’t do that.” she said urgently.

He pulled away, horrified. “I made you cry. I made Obi-Wan cry too. I’m sorry- Padme please, promise me you won’t-”

She grabbed the sides of his head. 

Her nails bit into the soft skin behind his ears as she pulled him down so they were face-to-face, vowing, “Never. I swear by the force itself, I will never choose death over life.”

He let out a relieved sigh, eyes fluttering closed.

“Now you,” she demanded

“As long as I have anyone to live for, I swear by the force, I will never choose death over life.”

She pulled him the rest of the way in for a bruising kiss. He lifted her, and they desperately clung at one another as he carried her to bed. They continued like that, clinging and grasping, until exhaustion carried him to sleep. She pulled the covers over top them both and curled around him defensively as the day slowly faded away.

Part XI

#star wars #my au #suicidal misunderstanding au #prequel trilogy #potentially triggering #discussions of suicide #references to self-harm #star wars au #bonding? between #Mace Windu and Anakin Skywalker #? in my #hurt/comfort fic #? It’s more likely than you’d think #also I struggle with fix it stories that just never address the big tusken elephant in the room? of course i want everyone to #live happily ever but theres a certain scale of atrocity that i feel u gotta address 2 get there #ugh this chapter got reallly long and im just gonna post it ok? ok. #meh #a lot of this fic is just people mentally going What The Fuck at various registers with different inflections #Because that’s not an inappropriate response to time travel in general! and star wars canon in particular. #star wars au no 27

[victorianpining]

Hi!! To preface, this is /not/ intended to be rude in any way, feel free to disagree or ignore if you want. Just wanted to say, TAB said the line about it seeming fake because it is, then TFP happened in such a similar wild dream-sequence-esque way, and as you keep saying, there are so many things that could be them specifically mocking us- or, more likely imo, just them continuing to use these symbols and themes we picked up on- and most importantly, no one has said the show is over (on the contrary, mofftiss have specifically said it isn’t, a bunch of times). So why not assume tjlc is on track? Also, have you read amy’s metas? They help explain the Why. (Just thought I’d suggest cuz the continuing meta and theorizing is smth that brings me joy so i thought maybe you’d like it too! Understandable if you’d rather wait and see tho, and sorry if you’ve already essentially answered this and i just haven’t seen it) (also you’re awesome btw)

Not rude at all! To answer your question, I guess self preservation. Having that bad of a reaction to this once and regretting putting myself into that position to begin with, I don't think I'm ever going to fully be signed on like I was then.

Do I think it's possible that this stuff is meant to point at a plan?

Yes.

And that's more than I ever thought I would say. I see what you all are seeing. I don't think you're crazy for seeing it, I think it's within the realm of possibility that it might eventually pay off.

Do I think it's possible that what appears to be bad TV might just actually be bad TV?

Yes.

With how vehemently they have responded to any criticism of the show.... How they have specifically stated that we ruined the show for them.... It's hard for me to justify giving them the benefit of the doubt when they don't seem to want it. Sure, they could be saying that to draw attention to the theory. If that was true though, this is being done in the most hurtful way possible, and really the only people paying attention to the game are the people most hurt by it.

(Yes I know, theater of the absurd, recreating the great hiatus and the original Sherlockian experience, I haven't read the meta yet but I am aware of the general ideas. None of that makes any of this less hurtful).

At this point I can engage with the theory in a more abstract way. And if I do it that way, it's sort of fun, but I'm very deliberate about not putting any emotional investment in being right again.

I wanted to watch s4 for myself with more or less fresh eyes, and to try to analyze it myself (which is why I've watched it now a few months before the final video) before I read anyone else's meta on it. But I've heard nothing but wonderful things about Amy's work and am very much looking forward to reading it eventually!

#sorry this came out so long #this is the closest I have come to actually answering the question of 'what do i think is happening' #the answer is it depends on when you ask me but these are the things i think about #asks