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stevenose · 3 days

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bite back (18+)

a drabble i wrote for @cambridgemadness - thank you for your support darling!!! 🫶🏻

summary: steve’s such a goddamn sweetheart. until you convince him not to be.

contains: steve x reader; reader with a vagina; ‘good girl’; teasing; oral (steve receiving); face fucking; spitting; nipple play; corruption (steve … receiving?);

donate to my kofi for a personalized fic - click here for details!

You stare up at Steve from your position on the end of his bed, laying on your stomach. You kick your feet a little, smiling up at him. Your low cut top shows off your cleavage, which Steve stares at, eyes hooded and pretty lips parted.

He has no idea what you’re scheming.

“Steve,” you smile, reaching out for him. “Come here, pretty boy.”

He finally walks towards you. His cock strains against his dark-wash Levis, the gold on his belt glistening in the intimate lamp light. “You look so beautiful,” he says softly, petting your hair. He tucks his fingers under your chin and pulls your head up to look at him. “Just gorgeous, y’know that?”

You bite your lip, giggling. “All for you, Stevie.” Your fingers find his belt loops and you pull him in closer, until his bulge presses against the tip of your nose. You hear Steve’s breath hitch above you.

“Why don’t I do something for you, hm?” he asks, running a big hand through your hair. “Let me take care of you.”

You shake your head, nuzzling his cock. “Been wanting to taste you all night.” You bat your lashes up at him, really laying it on thick. You reach for his belt, unbuckling it swiftly and pulling his jeans down slow until he’s only in his underwear.

“What do you want, Steve?” you finally ask, looking back up at him. You already know what he’ll say.

“Whatever you’ll give me,” he says sweetly, softly, looking down at you with puppy dog eyes.

You nearly roll your eyes. But you have a trick up your sleeve that you’re sure will work soon enough.

You press a kiss to his clothed cock, smiling at the stain your lip gloss leaves on his underwear. You wore strawberry tonight, real sticky stuff that should make a mess. Your fingers find the waistband of his briefs and you finally pull them down, biting your lip when his cock springs up and bounces softly against his lower stomach.

Steve’s size is part of why he won’t be rough with you. Even though you’ve proven to him that you can take it in as many ways as possible. He’s far from the first person you’ve ever been with, but he’s certainly the biggest. The sight of him as you drooling. He’s so pretty - thick, long shaft that curves up a little at the top, a pink tip that weeps precum, cute little freckles, and full, tight balls.

You want him to make you take all of it.

You press a kiss to his balls first, lips twitching upwards when he lets his head fall back. He doesn’t know what to do with his hands, keeps them at his sides instead of in your hair where they belong.

“You can touch me,” you say softly, pressing a kiss to the base of his shaft.

“I know,” he replies, voice a little shaky. “Don’t want to hurt you, that’s all.”

You look up at him. Are you serious?

Steve tilts his head and frowns. “C’mon. You know I’m a big softie.”

This isn’t the first time you’ve had this conversation, but it will be the first time you push him on it. “What makes you think you can hurt me?”

A little kiss to a vein running up the underside of his shaft makes him pause before he continues. “You - you know. I’m strong.”

“Uh-huh,” you tease, pressing an open mouthed kiss to his cock and watching him fight off a shudder. “Super strong, Steve.”

“I am!”

“Not that I would know.” Your tongue licks a stripe up the side of him and his eyes blink shut. “Never really got to see you be so strong, Stevie.”

He scoffs, opening his eyes. They’re half hooded. “That’s total bullshit.”

You hum, flicking your tongue at the edge where his tip meets the shaft before suckling on the head. Steve sighs above you, half in relief and half in bliss, and rests one single hand gingerly on your head. “Good girl.”

You love that - when he’s sweet with you for pleasuring him. It’s all you want to do. Christ, it’s all you think about. Being his perfect little slut, at his beck and call, letting him use you however he needs. Marked up, voice hoarse, legs shaking. Which, to be fair, Steve has that effect on you, anyway. Even when he’s soft and sweet and whispers sweet nothings to you.

You’d just like it a bit more intensely.

You swirl your tongue around his tip a few times before pulling off. “D’you really think I’m a good girl?”

He scratches your scalp softly. “Mhm.”

“Then why don’t you give me a reward, huh?”

His brows twitch in annoyance. It’s not often at all that you see him like this. He’s usually good at hiding his annoyance with you. “My cock’s right here, baby.”

Your stomach flips and you smile, giddy at his tone. “Can you help me take it?” you ask.

“You’re so smart, angel,” he coos, scratching your head softly again. “Pretty little brain of yours can figure it out.”

“Fine. Let me see….”

You take his cock back between your lips again. Steve moans above you, murmuring a curse. “There you go,” he groans out. “S-see? Knew you could figure it out.”

You take him a little deeper, only a quarter of his length. He usually stops you halfway, anyway, getting nervous when you gag. But you see how his eyes grow darker when he hits the back of your throat.

You’ll make him work for it.

You drool on his cock, bobbing your head just enough, not too far. Steve still seems appreciative, keeps his hips still and feet planted on the ground. You wait until a string of saliva runs down your chin before pulling back, keeping your hands to yourself.

“Like that?” you ask, voice innocent.

“Yeah, sweetheart,” he pants. “Just like that, baby.”

Just like that. You have him trapped.

You continue your movements, taking Steve’s cock in just like that - not very far, not far enough. You let yourself drool some more, more thick strings of saliva dripping from his cock. Enough to keep him interested. But it doesn’t take long until he whimpers, his fingers tapping on your scalp.

“Little more? Please?”

You look up at him through your lashes, head tilted again. “More?” you ask, voice thick. “But I thought I was doing good, Steve.”

He shivers. “You are doin’ good, baby, so good, like always - just - need a little more, y’know how.”

You blink. “I don’t think I do.”

He scoffs, tongue licking over his white teeth. “We both know you do.”

So now you take him into your throat, but you don’t wrap your lips around his shaft. It’s messy, but not tight enough. Steve sighs and his grip tightens in your hair.

“You’re killin’ me,” he groans.

“I don’t get it,” you pout, chin a mess. “I’m doing what you’re asking me to.”

“No, you’re not.”

“Then why don’t you show me?”

Steve’s jaw clenches and unclenches a few times, his eyes darker than ever as he looks down at you. “Don’t know if you can handle that,” he finally says.

You hum, moving up onto your knees, disengaged. “Maybe you just can’t handle me-“

Steve flips you onto your back so fast it knocks the wind out of you. Your head falls over the edge of his bed and you watch him upside-down, his nostrils flaring slightly, cheeks red.

You smile wide. Got you.

“This what you wanted?” he asks, jerking himself off slowly. “Want me to treat you like the goddamn brat you are?”

“Yes!”

He shakes his head. “Jesus Christ. Pinch me if you want me to stop, okay? Don’t wanna hurt you, just gotta show you what I told you you can’t handle.”

You nod, thighs rubbing together.

He takes a deep breath, fingers moving to your lips and prying at your teeth. “Open.”

You do as you’re told, choking almost immediately on his fingertips. He reaches into your throat, fucks his fingers in and out of it before pulling away and spitting down into your mouth. You gasp, thighs clenching harder.

“You take my fingers well enough,” he observes, “Not sure why you wanna act like you can’t suck cock all of a sudden.”

He angles your head back. You nearly giggle with glee, opening up so nice for him, sticking your tongue out to entice him when he hesitates.

He spits again, then slides into your throat.

You haven’t been throat fucked like this before. You gag a lot sooner than you anticipate, right as his tip hits the back of it. Steve’s hips pull back but you grip the back of his thighs and pull him in, taking his length better this time around.

“Fuck,” he grits, thrusting slow, a little shallow. Not the whole way. “Christ, God, you’re so n-needy. So fuckin’ needy. Spread - spread your legs.”

You do. Steve leans forward, pushing your skirt up and pushing himself further into your throat in the process. You gag but he doesn’t seem to mind so much this time. “Breathe through your nose,” he instructs, his fingers running over your clothed clit. “Don’t act like such a prude.”

Smack!

You moan around his cock as his hand comes down over your swollen bud. It’s so neglected that the pain feels good.

“Look at you,” he coos, hips thrusting in and out of your hot, wet mouth. He lets his cock bury itself deeper, firmly into your throat now. “Can’t - shit - w-wait to see how wet y’are by the end.”

He pulls out suddenly and you cough, eyes teary, looking up at him with blurred, adoring eyes. Steve leans forward and grabs your cheeks with one hand, squeezing them.

“Look what you’re makin’ me do,” he whines. “Makin’ such a mess of you.”

“Do you like it?” you ask.

He shakes his head. “Too much.”

Steve slides back into your throat and reaches forward to grope your tits. You moan and gag around him, his fingers finding your nipples and pinching them through your top. He finally shoves your shirt down, exposing your breasts, and continues pinching and tugging them.

“This is what I wanted,” he pants, hips thrusting. “Wanted to see these fuckin’ tits.”

You gag harder when he leans forward again, drool spilling from the corners of your mouth as he takes a nipple between his bitten lips. He groans uncontrollably, hips bucking, his trimmed pubes tickling your nose.

“Touch yourself,” he moans lowly. “Know y’want to.”

You don’t hesitate, letting your hands find your clit and rubbing it in fast circles. You’re so close to cumming already just from the change of pace. From having him exactly where you need him. His cock buried in your throat, pleasuring himself, lips wrapped around your nipples, fingers pinching hard enough to make you squeal.

“You do so good for me, huh?” he breathes against your chest, hands full of your pretty tits. “Let’s see how long you can hold it.”

He buries himself all the way. Your eyes cross and flutter shut while you focus on holding your breath, your throat bulging, Steve’s cock twitching. He whines and rests his hand on your neck, shuddering at the sight. He waits until you’re squirming, legs shifting and your hands finding his thighs before he finally pulls back.

“Spit.”

You do, right onto your own face. It’s so humiliating but it’s so worth it when Steve groans, fisting his wet cock above you, rubbing the tip of it against the bridge of your nose.

“You’re so good for me,” he pants. “You okay? Can you keep taking it?”

You nod, heart beating out of your chest.

#steve harrington smut #stevenose posts #ns/fw #steve x reader #thanks again!!! 🫶🏻🫶🏻

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 3 days

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AITA for asking my boyfriend to stop watching porn?

This is pretty simple tbh. NSFW mentions of porn, sex, and masturbation.

🐣🐣

I am a transgender man and struggle a lot with sexual intimacy. I don’t think I’m on the ace spectrum, I just have a lot of insecurities and dysphoria that I’m working through. I still crave sexual intimacy, I just get very anxious about it. My boyfriend is understanding but a little pushy at times because he’s got a high sex drive. He doesn’t do it on purpose and backs off when I tell him to. Important to mention that my boyfriend is cis. So, because of this, my boyfriend usually takes care of himself. I help out whenever I feel comfortable.

Recently, we somehow started talking about porn and hentai (don’t remember the context of the conversation) and I asked him what he does when he takes care of himself. He said he watches porn, which I was surprised to hear but it makes sense because he has aphantasia. So, he can’t really imagine me or anything. Sometimes he uses my photos, but he said he needs some movement. At first I was fine with it, but then he mentioned that he only watches straight porn.

Now, I know my reaction was out of line, because I started crying and calling him an asshole for watching straight porn when he’s dating a trans guy. He’s pansexual, so he can really watch any kind of porn he wants, but I just started freaking out for some reason.

He kept telling me that there was no good gay stuff or ftm stuff, which is just straight up not true. There’s plenty of ftm nsfw content, but when I mentioned that, he said it felt weird and fetishistic.

I told him it hurts me when he watches straight porn, he said that’s stupid and he needs something to get off to. Fair enough but it still hurts me. There’s just something about me trying so hard to get past my anxiety and dysphoria so we can finally be intimate with each other and him blatantly disrespecting my gender identity that hurts like hell.

Plus, every time I suggested we do something that I’m into, he shot me down. I’m a bit of a kinkier guy and he’s very vanilla, despite insisting that he’s into the same stuff as me. I 100% respect his boundaries and never brought it up again. But I don’t think it’s fair that he won’t even try stuff with me that might make intimacy more enjoyable for me and then goes and watches straight porn. I keep trying to make our sex live work and he can’t even be bothered to figure out ftm bodies. Idk.

I talked to an online friend and they called me biphobic.

Am I out of line for trying to tell him what kind of porn to watch? Am I overreacting?

#aita #am i the asshole

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scoonsalicious · 2 days

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Unwanted: Chapter 30, Epilogue - Pt. 1

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Fem!Reader

Summary: When your FWB relationship with your best friend Bucky Barnes turns into something more, you couldn’t be happier. That is, however, until a new Avenger sets her sights on your super soldier and he inadvertently breaks your heart. You take on a mission you might not be prepared for to put some distance between the two of you and open yourself up to past traumas. Too bad the only one who can help you heal is the one person you can no longer trust.

Warnings: (For this part only; see Story Masterlist for general Warnings) Language,

Word Count: 634

Previously On...: You and Bucky are probably going to be okay.

A/N: IT'S OUT EARLY!

This is it! The last chapter! OMG!

NOTE! The tag list is a fickle bitch, so I'm not really going to be dealing with it anymore. If you want to be notified when new story parts drop, please follow @scoonsaliciousupdates

Banner By: The absolutely amazing @mrsbuckybarnes1917!

Thank you to all those who have been reading; if you like what you've read, likes, comments, and reblogs give me life, and I truly appreciate them, and you!

Taglist: (Sadly, tag list is closed; Tumblr will not let me add anyone new. If you want to be notified when I update, please Follow me for Notifications!) @jmeelee @cazellen @mrsbuckybarnes1917 @blackhawkfanatic @buckybarnessimpp @hayjat @capswife @itsteambarnes @marygoddessofmischief @sebastians-love @learisa @lethallyprotected @rabbitrabbit12321 @buckybarnesandmarvel @fanfictiongirl77 @calwitch @fantasyfootballchampion @selella @jackiehollanderr @wintercrows @sashaisready @missvelvetsstuff @angelbabyyy99 @keylimebeag @maybefoxysouls @vicmc624 @j23r23 @wintercrows @crist1216 @cjand10 @pattiemac1@les-sel @dottirose @winterslove1917 @harperkenobi @ivet4 @casey1-2007 @mrsevans90 @steeph-aniie @bean-bean2000 @beanbagbitch @peachiestevie @wintrsoldrluvr @shadowzena43

Tumblr will not let me directly tag the following: @marcswife21 @erelierraceala @jupiter-107 @doublejeon @hiqhkey @unaxv @brookeleclerc

10 Months Later

“I refuse to accept this.”

“Well, unfortunately, Boss, it’s my decision to make, not yours,” you told Tony as you finished stacking up the last of your moving boxes. Sixteen years– almost half of your life, now condensed into neat stacks of cardboard, waiting to be loaded into the van that was waiting downstairs.

“What the hell am I supposed to do without you?” Tony asked, dramatically flinging himself on your now bare mattress. “How am I supposed to survive?”

You rolled your eyes at him. “It’s not like you won’t see me every fucking day, dude,” you admonished him. “I still work here, for fucks’ sake. Besides, you refused to let your realtor show me any place you couldn’t see from your terrace.”

“I thought it would be nice if we could wave to each other during breakfast,” he said, his face drawn into a pout now, “that’s all.”

You sat down next to him and put a gentle hand on his shoulder. “It’s time to cut the umbilical cord, Tony,” you said.

“But you’re still such a kiddo, Kiddo,” he sighed.

“I meant your umbilical cord, Boss,” you laughed. “And who knows? Maybe I’ll try it for a year or two, figure out I absolutely hate it, and come crawling back, begging for my old room.”

“Don’t press your luck,” Tony said, sitting back up. “I’ll probably turn it into a sauna, or an indoor golf simulator as soon as you walk out that door.”

“Ah, there’s the Tony I know and tolerate,” you said with a smile.

“I’m just going to miss having you around,” he said, his voice now laced with sadness. “Sixteen years together– probably the longest stable relationship I’ve ever had. It’s not going to be the same around here without you.”

“I know,” you sighed. “I’m going to miss you, too. But you know I need this. After everything that happened last year with Carthage, and Barnes… me spiraling, losing a baby I didn’t even know about, getting shot, and the… complications; all that shit with Steve. I just think I need a fresh start, some place where I’m not reminded of her every time I walk around a corner. It’s the only way I’m going to truly heal.”

“I told you I’d move you to another floor. Hell, I’ll tear down the entire Tower and start from scratch. We can build a whole new compound Upstate or something. You’d never have to set foot in this hallway again,” he said. And you knew he was telling the truth– there was little Tony wouldn’t do to ensure you were comfortable in your old home, but you couldn’t rely on him forever.

“You’ve saved me so many times already, Boss,” you said, looking back at him fondly, “and you know I’m always going to be thankful for that. But it’s time I started working on saving myself.”

“Well, when you make it sound all empowering and shit,” he began, “I start to feel like a dick for protesting.”

You laughed as your phone beeped. Looking at the message, you told him: “Movers are on the way up. I guess this is really it.” You both stood and embraced, Tony leaning down to speak softly in your ear.

“You know you always have a home here, Kiddo,” he said. “Whenever you need it. Even if it’s just for a night, or if you decide you want to come back for good. Door’s always open.”

“And even if it’s not,” you said as the two of you broke away from one another, “I can always hack the system to break myself in.”

“I’ll have you arrested for trespassing.”

“You think Mr. Mitchell’s still practicing law?” you asked with a grin. “I can definitely afford to have him represent me, now.”

<- Previous Chapter / Next Part ->

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky x you #bucky x reader #bucky fanfic #bucky barnes #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky x female reader #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes fanfiction #james bucky buchanan barnes #james buchanan barnes #mcu bucky barnes #james barnes

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knavesflames · 3 days

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@alfiikae I have written it 😳 it is not the best because I got tired halfway through but decided I couldn’t not finish it. This is NOT my best work I don’t love this

This is very OOC for Arlecchino I think, but who cares? Not me

Sequel to the ask I received about childhood Arle and reader as friends!

Contents: crying, mention of self harm (not graphic, but mentioned and briefly talked about without naming it), just sadness

Word count: 3181

Under the cut!!

(Poor reader lmao, projecting all of my school experiences onto her 😓😓)

That day was stupid, you tell yourself. She hurt you, and you shouldn’t have let her back in. You still remember the humiliation of telling your mother that no, she couldn’t come for dinner because you were wrong, and she wasn’t your friend, and that the kids were right, you were weird and weird people deserve to be by themselves. You can still remember the pitying face your mother gave you as you shrunk off to your room to play with more rocks. The memory of you playing with those damn rocks fills your brain as you stare down at the textbook. Why are you so interested in rocks and stones? You don’t know, and part of you wishes you weren’t. You slam the book shut just as a knock on your door sounds out, and Arlecchino’s voice rings out.

“Are you here? You haven’t been answering my messages. I am confused.”

You try to stay silent because there’s no way in hell you want to answer the door right now. You’ve been avoiding her since that night, just like the way you’ve been avoiding everyone else. A vow made to yourself one day in freshman year of high school, avoid everyone like the plague.

“I can see your feet, can you please answer the door?”

A sigh, and your chair pushes back as you stand, walking reluctantly towards the door before you open it, poking your head out.

“What?”

“Can I come in?”

“I’m kind of busy.”

“You’ve been busy since-“

You cut her words short, your voice slightly distant, no trace of the warm child she once rejected.

“Yeah, well, I’m busy. Maybe another time, yeah?”

Your attempt to shut the door fails when her foot blocks the way, her face stern and her eyes dark with.. what is that? Worry? Guilt? Annoyance? You sigh, walking towards your desk again as you clutch the sleeves of your sweater to stop yourself from either crying in frustration or snapping at her.

“Why have you been ignoring me? We had sex, you can’t just ignore me like nothing happened.”

“You’re one to talk about being ignored, hm?”

“..touché. But the point stands.”

“Okay.”

Your head is in your textbook again as you try to grasp how to tell the age of rocks by the patterns inside. Your hand on your temple, attempting to block out the fact she’s stood right there, staring into you like she’s trying to analyse you.

“Damn it, what the hell is wrong? What is your problem?”

“You tell me.”

“I said and did one thing like ten years ago and you still haven’t let go of it! You have to move on. I’m trying to reconnect with you.”

“I’m a weirdo, remember? Why would I try to reconnect with someone who thinks I’m a weirdo? I’d rather hang out with my textbooks and rocks.”

Your voice is sharper than it usually is. You know from so many years of this that you have to toughen yourself up. You can’t let people treat you like this, you know that, but..

“That’s exactly the problem. All you care about is rocks, you never even tried to talk to people.”

Your head snaps around sharply in her direction, a glare on your once smiling face. Your tongue finds its way between your teeth as you take a breath. You can already feel the familiar stabbing pain in your chest.

“I have tried. You just didn’t care to pay attention. I care only about rocks because they’re the only things that won’t be horrible to me! Like you’re any better with your stupid insects.”

You hear a sharp breath being taken as her fists clench for a second. Your face is unreadable, but she can see you’re hurt. She feels guilty, but she’s so annoyed at the same time. She can’t figure you out the way she wants to, she can’t read you the way she can with other people. It’s like you’ve locked yourself away behind a wall that can’t be demolished.

“What the hell happened to you?”

“What? Are you asking me if I was dropped on the head as a baby?”

The words make Arlecchino stop. That was so specific, too specific to not have been said to you before. And your voice is so sharp, so distant. The guilt is beginning to form in a pit in her stomach, pulling her downwards into a sea of anger. Her eyes flick over you, noticing the thing she’s noticed constantly about you.

“No. I’m asking what happened. You were such a happy child and then one day you just weren’t. You were so social and then you stopped talking to anyone, and nobody said anything about it either.”

“Mhm.”

“And now you’re not you. I don’t like it.”

Your mind recalls everything. The day she ditched you seems like such a small thing, but it wasn’t. Not when you pair it with everything else that happened. It was just the icing on the cake. You still remember the feeling, what you turned to, the nights alone. Your vision blurs, but you blink rapidly, fighting the tears away. Arlecchino waits patiently, standing there as she stares at you, analysing your appearance, analysing everything she can about you like you’re one of her insects she plans to research. You’ve never spoken to anyone about this, and you never dreamed of doing it. Especially not to her. But the words beginning spilling out of your mouth in both anger and sorrow.

“Nobody liked me, so I changed. Being me was the wrong thing to do.”

“Wrong? No. People liked you.”

You scoff, raising an eyebrow in disbelief. You know that’s not true, people have told you that.

“Do not lie. Nobody liked me, and it isn’t like they made that painfully obvious.”

“What do you even mean by that? Is that why you..”

She gestures a hand to you, and you know what she means. It isn’t hard to know what she means. Your eyes narrow, and your tone becomes defensive.

“How do you-“

“I just know. I saw one time. You weren’t the best at hiding it, you know. And you didn’t take your sweater off when we had sex. It adds up.”

“Right.”

“You shouldn’t do that, you know. Why? What drove you to start with that? Because people didn’t like you?”

Your jaw tenses. You don’t even know what to say to that. Your hands clasp in front of you, bringing the sleeves of your sweater against your palms, an old childhood habit really, but you never really paid attention to it. You stare in silence for a while before your voice sounds out, quiet, almost sad.

“I don’t need a lecture.”

“Sorry.”

“You really don’t know?”

“No.”

“You don’t remember that the janitor had to lock the changing rooms after school hours because a girl got locked in there for the weekend?”

Arlecchino’s eyes widen for a second as she tries to recall that. She does, in fact, vaguely remember that someone was locked in the changing rooms for an entire weekend in freshman year, and was only found again on the Monday when they had gym class. She feels the pit in her stomach grow significantly.

“That was you?”

“Mhm.”

“What happened?”

“Do you even care?”

A pause, and then:

“I do.”

You begin explaining for the first time in your life, your voice thick and almost wavering. You stare straight ahead at the small amethyst geode next to your bed, refusing to make eye contact. And you explain everything, everything from first grade to now.

“People didn’t like me because they thought I was weird. They thought I was too interested in rocks and that they couldn’t talk to me because of that.”

“You are too interested in rocks.”

“You can go if you’re going to begin with that.”

“No, you’re right. Keep going.”

Your throat constricts. For some reason, all of your anger is towards her. In a sense, she was the catalyst for everything. Not that it’s inherently her fault, but you can’t get her words out of your head.

“I kept trying to make friends but it wasn’t working. They would always play with other girls, which was.. I don’t know, sad, but I could play with myself. Then they wanted to play with me all of a sudden, so we would play hide and seek. They would ask me to hide and they would find me, but they didn’t even try to find me. It was just a ploy to get me away from them. I didn’t get it. I remember thinking that I was a bit sad they never found me until I hid really close to them. I found out they weren’t actually trying to find me, they just talked about me. They called me weird for liking rocks and wanting to play with them.”

You pause, taking a shaky breath before you continue. Arlecchino’s stomach is completely filled with guilt now, because she can tell where this is going. She has the urge to reach out and grab your hand. To trace her fingers over your skin. She doesn’t.

“Then I met you. You tolerated me, at least. And I had never had a friend before. So I remember running home and talking about you to my mom. She was worried, you know. She knew I didn’t have any friends and she saw it made me sad. She was so excited for me and when we stayed friends for a bit— well, ‘friends’, she asked if you wanted to come for dinner. She said I could ask if you wanted to come. I was so happy and I had this whole idea that we were going to swing on the swings in the park and maybe go to the library you liked so much. It turns out you didn’t like me at all.”

Your fingers pick at your nails, and it’s clear that’s something you do often by the way your skin is red and peeling. It was the opposite of her not liking you. She did like you. So much so, that she realised that she was different from other people.

“Stop that.”

Her hand finally reaches over and grabs yours, stopping you from causing more damage to your skin. Her hand are a contrast from yours, her hands patterned and blackened, almost charred and long nails painted perfectly, with your hands being plain, blunt nails that are bitten down. Tears gather on your lashes now as you keep staring at the geode, one you got for your 15th birthday.

“I had to go home to my mom that day and see her excited face. I remember she asked me what you wanted to eat, what she should make and I.. damn it, it was so hard telling her you— yeah. Her face fell, she was so happy I had a friend, and now I didn’t. She asked if I was sad, I said no. I said I didn’t care. I said I knew I was weird anyway and the girls at school said weirdos can’t make friends so it all made sense. I heard her talking to my dad when she thought I was sleeping that night, she was so sad for me.”

“I didn’t mean for it to be so mean.”

“It doesn’t help now. That was just the start of everything.”

A singular tear finally drops from your eyelid, hitting your skin. Everything is running through your mind and it’s so overwhelming you can’t help but choke down a quiet sob. Arlecchino’s own eyes are tearing up, despite her best efforts to hide it. She feels like the guilt is eating her, that the shame of what she said is sucking her into a hole. Ashamed that she said and did all of those things only to fuck you years later like nothing happened. She doesn’t want to hear anymore. But she tells herself that she needs to.

“The other kids caught wind of what happened. “If the loner girl doesn’t want to be friends with her, why would anyone else?” I kept trying to join in conversations, I kept trying to make friends, but it never worked. I got weird looks and insults. I threw a party for my 15th birthday. I invited everyone. Even you. I think a part of me was desperate for someone to show up. I got everything ready at my house, I bought so much food and I had a cake. People said they were coming. They—“

Your words are cut off by a sob. This is the first time you’ve shown any type of emotion in front of someone in years, and you’re cursing yourself for it. And Arlecchino, she’s silent. She’s listening, and she’s so so sad for you. She knows it’s only getting worse because you haven’t even talked about the changing room incident yet.

“Nobody came. I went to bed at 1am after clearing everything away. The food sat in the fridge and I had to throw it away. I did something stupid that night. I wish I didn’t because it became a habit. But I was so sad. I didn’t understand why nobody came, so I asked people. They lied to me, they said they were coming but they didn’t. And then, one Friday, after gym, they hid my gym bag. I spent a while looking, and when I finally found it and tried to leave, they had locked me in there. They said they would let me out when I stopped being a weirdo, because weirdos deserve nothing, they don’t deserve friends. They left, and I was there all weekend until the janitor found me early on the Monday. I never spoke to anyone again.”

The shame Arlecchino feels right now is palpable. She herself is crying now, silently as she stares at the floor. She yells at herself in her head at everything she could have done, but didn’t. Her eyes flick to your upper body, covered by your sweater. It’s not an unusual sight, she hasn’t seen you without a sweater since your 15th birthday. Listening to your shuddering breaths, your sobs, it pains her. So much so that her voice sounds like a yell.

“Why the fuck didn’t you say anything to me? To anyone?”

“Don’t you dare talk to me like that.”

Seeing how broken you are inside, seeing the loneliness that secretly overwhelms you, she wants to punch herself. She wants to apologise, she just.. doesn’t know how. She’s not one to apologise, she never has been. She’s hot headed, cold blooded, but you soften her in a way she’s never felt.

“I’m really sorry I never reached out to you. I’m sorry I called you weird. Really, I am. And I should have never treated you the way I did.”

Her words only make you sob harder. You sob into your sleeve, the fabric muffling your almost wails, your gasping breaths. She feels like her lungs are constricting, she feels like she can’t breathe as she watches you break down into the comfort of your sweater, which is only a painful reminder that you truly have nobody but yourself. She begins wondering how many times you’ve cried like this. How many times you’ve turned to that awful habit. And the thought of that, sitting alone in your room as you cry, breaks her too. She cries into her hands.

“I am sorry. I feel horrible, I’m so ashamed of the way I just didn’t do anything. I could have done something, I should have done something. I pushed you away because I— I had just discovered I didn’t like.. god damn it. I’m a lesbian, and it was then I figured it out. Your fault.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It does to me. I tried to push it down, but every time I saw you it was a mean reminder that I wasn’t like everyone else. You’re such a sweet person, you don’t deserve what you got. You should have been a girl who everyone loved. Instead, you got.. you don’t deserve to be alone like you think. I lov-“

She stops. She takes a breath before she continues. It’s not the time, and she can’t use this situation to confess her infatuation with you. It was an explanation, but she can’t use it as an excuse. She feels so awkward, she hates apologising. She can’t recall a single time she’s apologised properly and meant it. Her hands fumble with her tears as she wipes them away, pushing through the awkwardness she feels.

“I like you. I want to be your friend, at least.”

You don’t reply for a bit as you try hard to calm down. Biting your lip the way you did the way she refused to be your friend, you sigh as your breath hitches.

“You won’t leave me alone until I agree, won’t you?”

“No.”

You sigh as you rub your temple, running your fingers through your hair.

“We can try. Don’t expect anything. We’re not best friends. We can try.”

Relief floods through Arlecchino, at least a bit. She was dreading her apology being rejected, causing more awkwardness. A single nod as she glances up around the room.

“Alright.”

You both sit in silence as you try to calm down. Your hands fumble with your sleeves as the tears dry on your face before her voice is heard again.

“You know you have a cobweb?”

“I know. I’m scared of spiders so I just let it live there.”

“Is it big?”

“No, but I still won’t touch it.”

Her eyes search the corners before she finally finds the little fellow, a small smile gracing her face. Her hands reach up, gently pushing the spider onto her hands. She gingerly approaches you, your eyes following her. You know the fear is irrational, but it’s always been a fear. The spider is almost cute, if it wasn’t for.. you don’t know.

“It’s fine. This species won’t hurt you at all. They look a bit scary but they’re actually not. People just don’t know how to hold them.”

You know she’s trying to distract you. It’s like she knows your thoughts, but she knows better than to speak about it.

“Is that why they run?”

“Mm.”

“How do you hold them, then?”

She looks up at you, as if for permission before she opens her hand and lets the spider crawl onto your sleeve. She figures that it not touching your skin is easier for the first time.

“Just don’t be harsh. Don’t hold them by their legs, let them roam.”

“It’s almost cute.”

“I know. I like the purple rock on your nightstand.”

You both watch the spider as it crawls around your arm, you’re slowly relaxing, still on edge, but.. better.

“It’s a geode. Amethyst.”

“Tell me about it.”

“Can I?”

“Yeah. It’s pretty.”

And for the first time in a long time, a real smile ghosts your face as you begin talking.

#arlechinno genshin #arlechinno x reader #arlebina #arlefuri #genshin impact #arle #genshin wlw #genshin x reader #genshin fanfic #arlecchino angst #arlecchino fluff #arlecchino genshin #genshin impact arlecchino #arlecchino #genshin fluff #genshin impact fluff #genshin imagines #genshin impact fic #genshin impact fanfics

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hydraulicpressedspaghetti · 1 day

Text

I spent a couple hours trying to decipher and write down the lyrics to the stolitz duet (I’ll keep updating as more recordings are posted, hopefully the unintelligible lyrics are easier to hear in at least one!)

Lyrics below the cut (question marks in parentheses mean I’m not 100% sure)

S: thank you too (?????)

The butterflies in my stomach, I have’t felt this nervous(??????) since I was a little fluffy dove, nesting my

Daring do, his half disguise, behind the smile my beak is grinding, never minding

I swore I couldn’t dwell on the divorce, so for my own health, I’ll remind myself

That when I see him, I know that it won’t be so tough, I’ll believe him and not the voice inside of my own head(?!?)

Instead(?) of our arrangement, it can just be him and me, how perfect it could be, when I see him tonight

B: it’s time to meet?(??) alright, alright! It’s been a while since he came for attention! Are we okay? I can’t really say, I’m getting by by avoiding his questions

So complicated, I hate when it’s complicated, why do I alway end up in situations that are complicated

Here I go again, getting in my head, so I’ll focus on the sexy stuff instead

S: when I see him

B: I’m gonna do that thing he likes(??)

S: when he sees me(?)

B: we don’t have to change things, I’ll just bring a load of spice

S: —(???) make things worse

B: we’ve got a nice arrangement, and it’s working out just fine, we’ll keep it light(?)

S: I’ll fucking die alone if this goes bad tonight

Both?: when I see him tonight

S: am I doing something I can’t take back

B: relax

S: would he want me if he was free

B: we’re fine!

S: and if he’s only here as a prisoner, what kind of monster does that make me? My entire life’s been written in stone

B: we’re gonna bone

S: he taught me that I could choose

B: cool

S: he deserves a choice to stay or go, though it scares me to think what i’d loose

B: I can’t wait to lose ourselves in nasty sex and make that bird SQUAK

S: what do I(???) ———- (???)

B: we’ll just stick with what makes sense, like him sucking my

S: co ————(??????)

B: who needs words when you’ve got a mouth full of

S: come to your senses

B: ———-(???)

S: this will be(?) all for love and trust

B: I’ll leave his bird puss nice and rough

S: I will love(?????) him soon

B: he’ll be coming-

both: -soon enough

B: oh yeah!

S: when I see him, will it be tender or be tough? Will it please him, or will I just be fucking it all up? Can this be a relationship, or am I still naïve?

I’ll set us free, whatever it may be, when I see him tonight

#helluva boss #stolitz #stolitz duet #spaghetti posting

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mm-lurking · 9 hours

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MAY I REQUEST FOR ANGST POOKS 😘😝 MYBE ABT BRINGING UP THEIR DEAD EX BY ACCIDENT DURING AN ARGUEMENT? THERES RARELY ANY ANGST IM GETTING MAD 👹

I saw your ask at 11 pm and something about the way you wrote your request made me giggle so hard idk why 🤣 Since you demand angst I shall give it to you. You’re my first ask btw so thank you very much!

I’m not sure which character you wanted me to write for so I’m going to go for Blade and Aventurine. Though feel free to send me specific characters through the ask again!

Warnings: no fluff at all, pure angst, fem! reader and ex, reader has no chill running her mouth, Aventurine’s kinda feels ooc sorry about that WC: 1881

Blade

You were a hair’s breadth away from being gravely injured. If it weren’t for Blade’s interruption you would have been Antimatter Legion dinner tonight. In your eyes you weren’t in that much danger, you knew you could handle it on your own but in Blade’s eyes, it was just another flashback to how he lost her. It felt frustrating to watch him downplay your capabilities, it's not like you were some weak damsel in distress. There was a reason your relations with the Stellaron Hunters had lasted as far as it had; you were good at wielding your weapon and making good use of the enemy’s weaknesses. Sure there were moments when you were in trouble but you never really got to live the thrill of it because Blade would always step in to help you even when you didn’t ask for it.

You loved him dearly and appreciated his assistance but just for this instance, you wanted to deal with things by yourself. Ultimately your agitation got the best of you and so now here you were with your arms crossed, glaring at Blade after the enemy was taken care of.

“Have you always been this foolish?”

You stare at him with wide eyes and an open mouth, questioning his audacity of insulting you like this.

“Excuse me?”

“You could have gotten hurt.”

He says matter-of-factly and you feel your jaws clench at the way he speaks to you.

“Blade I am fully capable of looking after myself! I need you to stop interrupting my fights!”

“If I didn’t that Antimatter Legion pawn would have sliced your head off your shoulders.”

“And how the hell do you know that was going to happen?! I could have fought it easily if it weren’t for you!”

He turns around and looks at you with cold eyes which make you flinch momentarily.

“You overestimate yourself.”

“I do not! I have worked relentlessly on my skills! I know what I can handle or what I can’t! You just never allow me to prove it!”

“You are a fool. I do not need to see you pushed to your limits to acknowledge your skills.”

“Then why the hell won’t you let me do what I want?!”

You both argue back and forth with neither of you backing down. Blade speaks calmly, just as he always has but with slight frustration whereas you on the other hand are full-on yelling and boiling over to the point of rage. He takes a deep breath and continues.

“I am just looking out for you-”

“I am not weak like Chun. Stop treating me like I am.”

You almost immediately regret it the moment those words leave your mouth. Your words are sharp and bitter, and pierce his heart like a blade slashing through flesh. His eyes are ablaze with fury and pain and the way his jaw clenches is enough to let you know you have overstepped your boundary.

Chun was his first love. She was a good woman with a kind heart, and despite how odd she looked amongst the Stellaron Hunters, they welcomed her as long as it made Blade happy. But in a world full of evil, being kind is a weakness and ultimately she met her end in the hands of an enemy during heated negotiations. For the one whose life was already cursed by immortality, he took her death hard and swore never to love again, for he couldn’t bear to witness yet another loved one depart for the nth time in his long life. His already broken heart took ages to heal and by the time you crossed paths with him, he was still grieving over her. You knew this very well because it was you who assured him that history wouldn’t repeat itself with you. It was you who helped him heal further and gave him the confidence to open his heart up once more to you. You knew what she meant to him because he had been honest with you about his past yet-

“Blade I-”

-here you were driving the very knife you had taken out of him so lovingly back into his heart in full force. He looks at you with so much despise and agony that your heart hurts knowing you are the cause for it. A blade being stabbed over and over into his body hurt, but those wounds always healed after a while. Yet the wound your words had caused was one that no medication could fix. Your throat tightens and you want to reach out to him and hold him but you stay glued to your feet.

“We don’t need to be around each other anymore.”

Despite the torment he feels, he looks straight into your eyes and monotonously speaks. There is not even a single moment spared for you to reply as he walks out of the room and slams the door shut, indicating he is done with you. The door closing was not just the end of the argument you both were having, it was also the end of what you were to each other. You stand there rooted to the ground as tears sting your eyes. Why did you have to be like this?

Aventurine

“Aventurine I swear to god I am not playing your petty games again.”

You angrily huff as you cross your arms and glare at Aventurine with disapproval. The audacity of this man was truly something, especially at a time like this. You both were stuck in an interesting situation, where Aventurine had made a gamble with an enemy territory and he wanted you to be part of it. More precisely, he wanted to turn you into his bargaining chip for a while. There was one tiny problem. He wasn’t asking for your approval, he had already made the deal.

“The table has already been set, friend. You just have to play your role real well.”

Your jaw hangs low when you realise what he has done.

“Aventurine don’t tell me….”

“They have decided to ask for you in exchange of information. Do not worry, I will find a way to-“

He doesn’t get to finish his sentence as a loud slap resonates across the room. You stare at him in disbelief with tears welling your eyes, unable to process what he has done. A shaky sigh leaves his mouth and he stares at you, bewildered by your behaviour.

“It hasn’t even been a full week since we finished another deal and you want me to jump head-on into another one?!”

“Was there a need to slap me like this? If you’re forgetting, friend, you agreed to help me out on these deals regardless of the risk. Or should I have the doctor examine your memory?”

“Aventurine I agreed to help you out, not be used however you please! You could have at least asked me first before making the deal!”

You rub your temples and rethink the entire situation through. Your relationship with Aventurine was compatible due to one simple fact: you both loved taking risks. The thrill of the gamble and the adrenaline of waiting for the results kept you both alive. It was the drug you both needed in this cruel unjust world.

But this, this was different. This wasn’t just any gamble and it wasn’t a small one either. Being traded off to the enemy territory for a few weeks was no easy task and you have no idea what the hell Aventurine was thinking. In your last deal, you barely made it out alive as the tables turned against your favour. It was a miracle your assets weren’t taken and that you weren’t killed in the process.

“…I promise you will be fine, friend.”

Tears sting your eyes and you try to take a deep breath.

“How can you be so sure?”

“The gaiaithra triclops blesses me abundantly. We will not lose.”

“Is that what you said to Lilac as well before her demise?”

You hear how his breath hitches in his throat at the mention of Lilac. He coughs a little and then stares at you with a look you cannot decipher.

“Do not bring her up.”

His voice is a mere whisper and you know you’re crossing some lines already. Yet you don’t stop there. You jab your right index finger into his chest with every word you speak.

“I don’t know what’s worse, being a gambling chip on purpose or being a gambling chip unknowingly, like she was.”

He grips the hand you have on his chest tightly. You can’t help but wince a little at how he’s looking at you with red eyes filled with regret and anger. He tries to speak but you cut him off.

“Was losing her not enough to learn your lesson? Or do you turn everyone you love into pawns of your game?”

“You’re crossing the line now.”

He warns and you shake your head.

“You treat everyone like an asset, even the ones who truly love you without any hidden agenda. No wonder you couldn’t save Lilac-“

“Enough!”

Before you can process what is going on Aventurine pulls out a gun from his inner coat pocket and shoots a random vase on the table behind you. The bang of the gun and the loud shattering of the ceramic into pieces makes you jump and shake a little. He then shifts his gaze on you and lets your hand go before issuing his warning.

“…you need to leave. Leave before I accidentally hurt you.”

“I-“

“I said leave!”

He points the gun at you. His hand is shaking in a manner you have never seen before and you can tell he doesn’t want to do this but you’re giving him no choice. You stare at him for a moment and nod your head before scurrying away.

Once you’re out of his sight he plops onto the nearest sofa and drops his gun. It lands with a loud thud as he puts his head into his hands and shakes visibly. Flashbacks of that dreaded day start to play over and over in his head and he clenches his teeth as a tear rolls down his eye.

Lilac was a woman he met during one of his travels as an IPC stoneheart. They got along pretty well and eventually fell in love. A few years ago, Aventurine asked her for help during a deal he made and she agreed only for the other party to target her as leverage against Aventurine. He still remembers the pain in her eyes as she looked at him, confused and hurt from how she became the target. He remembers holding her in his arms apologising over and over for his lack of foresight, unable to figure out where he went wrong.

It was the first and last deal he ever lost. And now you, his new partner after several hard years of grief, were bringing up old wounds that never healed. Gaps of his heart that nothing would ever fill. Another tear rolls down his eye as he grits his teeth further. Had he known you would bring her up like this, he would have never told you about her. It’s always the closest ones that hurt you the most. ⋇⋆✦⋆⋇ ©mm-lurking 2024 do not copy, steal or reuse my work.

#honkai star rail #hsr x reader #blade x reader #hsr blade #hsr angst #blade angst #blade x female reader #aventurine #hsr aventurine #aventurine honkai star rail #aventurine x reader #aventurine hsr #star rail aventurin #musingwithmaiya #tumblr asks

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vigilantejustice · 6 days

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need to dust + declutter my room in a major way but have not been able to come up with even a crumb of motivation to do little else but bed rot :(

#outside of visiting mum in hospital have just been. in bed #and it has bit me in the proverbial big time #got my centrelink payment cancelled because i couldnt face my appointment + then just let it slide #had an appointment scheduled for tomorrow that i was going to force myself to attend only to find out they pushed the cancel button today #it’s my own fault so can’t complain and am mostly just upset at myself for letting my mental health get on top of me to this point #esp when my service provider was so chill one lousy call and it would have been fine #anyways. here’s hoping the new claim won’t take the whole projected four weeks #that or that my ed kicks rocks and i manage to be a functioning member of society who can work a job #everything is just feeling very overwhelming :(#personal

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sailorsally · 11 days

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#since I talked in the tags a lil before #i also need to say that the political situation in Georgia has been a big pile of shit lately #that’s mostly why I don’t have the energy to engage with anything atm #everything is so hopeless #I just try to play video games these days to take my mind off stuff #but to explain it a bit #there is this one law the parliament already tried to pass last year but then didn’t because thousands came out to rally against it #the law is about ‘foreign agents’ and it’s directly copied from kremlin’s law in Russia #where the govt basically uses it to just cleanse the country from anyone they don’t like #So now this law is back and they have voted a yes two times #and will vote a yes third time #which is absolutely devastated news for anyone here #because if this law is instituted #basically say bye to foreign scholarships #to ngos financed from foreign countries that work to protect queer and trans peeps #rehabilitate refugees domestic violence victims etc #there will be no new roads in removed highland villages that rely mostly on international financial aid #no education opportunities for poor kids etc #this law literally equals death #and it will be heavily used to just cleanse Georgia of people who don’t think like Kremlin #and I am so fucking scared rn #There have been protests for 3 days #tens of thousands of people on the streets #but parliaments just keeps ignoring people #Or using police brutality against them #they are beating people up #jailing them for peaceful protests etc #it’s absolute nightmare #I’m just so tired of Russia #why won’t they die with everyone who supports them I wanna cry

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polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup · 4 months

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My thoughts on Mai is probably so irrelevant right now but i love thinking about the wasted potential in exploring Megumi’s dynamic with the Zenin Clan because he had to have some contact with them over the course of his childhood, meaning that Mai had to interact with the kid at some point (which she did I think it’s canon) and for Mai to instantly know that Megumi is a little child genius/prodigy. Also for Mai to have a little crush on Megumi (I know most find this disgusting seeing that those two are family but I think everyone forgets that the Zenin is built on incest)

Mai putting her hopes into Megumi of him somewhat changing the Zenin when he becomes Clan Head only for those hopes to be crushed bc Megumi fucked off? I find that so depressing because she probably didn’t understand (or fully comprehend) the reasoning behind Megumi cutting off contact. I know it probably hurt her for a while because she genuinely wanted to be close to him seeing as he was the only boy (i’m assuming) that was ever truly kind to her and her sister.

I’m clinging onto that Mai tag for dear life because I’m really interested in seeing her thoughts on Megumi. Admittedly, she probably grew out of the hero worship she had for him. Maybe it was replaced with some bitterness seeing as he wouldn’t be the Clan Head now unless something happens to Gojo, so Megumi won’t be her hope in that clan. She’s stuck with Naoya who probably wants her as a wife.

NAOYA. God my thoughts on his dynamic with Megumi…it could be something so complex. Like Naoya could see Toji in the boy, who he has an obsession with but he also see Gojo, and he also see the little brat who may fear him on some level but is not afraid to stand up to him which pisses him off. He also sees his replacement, a boy who has the potential to rival Gojo, making him the potential heir. I could see him being like the only one out of the Zenin who wants that kid gone, out of sight and out of mind. Like everyone else abuses him to make him become something great. Naoya would do it to take out his anger on the kid who is everything he always wanted to be and he doesn’t even know it.

Naobito. I have no thoughts on the old drunk. I do find it interesting how Kamo said something about how Megumi is either more useful or more suitable than Naobito. I forgot the wording. I can see Naobito truly caring for Megumi though in his own fucked up way because Megumi is everything he wanted in a heir. But that care doesn’t really stop him from hurting Megumi.

Maki. Well. Best aunt/nephew duo. If the Zenin ever had a family dinner or get together, those two are definitely the ones who sits in the corner and talks shit. They definitely try and fuck shit up in the house. You would find them in the kitchen spitting in Naoya’s food. You’re gonna look me in the eyes and tell me I’m wrong? I dare you. All in all, they see a sibling in each other. Especially after losing Tsumiki/Mai. Megumi if definitely her favorite kouhai. Some may argue it’s Nobara. But listen. SEE THE VISION. Megumi has the family pass. Megumi gets Maki in a way that most don’t. But Megumi is still Yuta’s boy though. Maki sometimes fight for custody however.

Excuse my rambling guys. I was just in a silly mood thinking about Gege and his….questionable writing decisions lately.

This has been sitting half answered in my asks for like a month. If you have an ask that never got answered please know that it’s probably in my drafts haunting me.

Oh Gege’s sure. Made some decisions recently. And they’re uh. They sure are decisions. That he made. For some reason.

Maki and Megumi are the bio family dream team to me. I simply love their bond. They have identical resting bitch faces. They’re always on the same bullshit. Both are completely insane in the same way. The bio family they each always wanted but never had. Megumi is Yuuta’s Boy but that doesn’t stop Maki from making her own play for the title.

Mai’s entire thing with having a crush on Megumi becomes a little bit more comfortable if it’s framed like “he was the best option.” The Zenin do practice incest, so her entire dating pool was likely framed to her as blood family from the start. She also is the only female (other than Maki) born to that bloodline around clan leadership that we know of, so she was probably viewed as a “desirable” spouse. Marriage was probably used as a means of navigating social status, so her parents are probably planning to use her as a chip for their own political games now that their own future has sort of stagnated. After all, both their kids are sort of failures by Zenin standards, and they don’t have any other kids incoming that could do better. This is basically canon to me—they did try to make a marriage contract with Naoya, who’s very high in the clans leadership and the only other contender for clan head other than Megumi himself. She’s probably spent her entire life knowing that her parents would try for marry her off to the person in the clan with the highest status, and that’s probably been considered Naoya or one of his brothers for a long time.

There’s Naobito, the actual clan head, who appears to have had all sons. Toji appears to be Naobito’s nephew, meaning his father or mother was directly from that same line, and Megumi’s its continuation. And Naobito’s brother is Maki and Mai’s father, who produced the only girls.

The Zenin clan values power above all else, so we can assume that the line that is leading the clan tends to have a lot of cursed energy and skill. Mai and Maki didn’t get that, but they are still close tie to the line.

Mai was never supposed to be a jujutsu sorcerer. She didn’t have enough cursed energy for it. She only ended up going to the Kyoto school because Maki fucked off and the Zenin wanted to make a point. But we know how the Zenin treats women—since she didn’t have enough potential to be a sorcerer but was a member of a powerful bloodline who had cursed energy herself, she was probably viewed as a prime candidate to continue the family line, as seen with them trying to marry her off to fucking Naoya, who was a pretty high candidate for heir to the clan.

Of course, Megumi inherited the Ten Shadows. He actually did beat out Naoya for the position of heir without having put any effort or involvement into the position. He likely would have instantly shot to the top of the list for clan heir the second they knew he existed. Like, he was still installed as clan head when he actively had nothing to do with the clan. When he was a kid, and everyone was assuming they’d be able to bring him back into the clan and raise him as Zenin? It would probably be considered as close to an absolute as anything gets to them.

I could see Mai kind of romanticizing the idea of Megumi as a result, especially when she was younger Naoya was actively abusive to her and had the personality of a used gym sock dipped in shit and left on highway to rot. Megumi 1) wasn’t raised with them, so felt the least like her family 2) was actually nice to her, the one time she got to spend time with him and 3) was nice to Maki. And as bad as it was for Mai, Maki was the least accepted member of the clan at the time. She was a girl and she had little to no cursed energy. Mai canonically idolised her sister as a young girl and probably hated to see how everyone mistreated her.

Megumi intervening on her behalf when Naoya targeted her would have been monumental to her. It would have been the ultimate way of saying “everything will be okay” when she just didn’t have that sense of the future growing up.

For one thing, Megumi was guaranteed to have a position of extreme authority within the clan itself as he got older. But when he intervened on her behalf, he didn’t.

He didn’t save Mai with his own authority within the clan. He didn’t extend his protection over her, because he didn’t have any protection. When they finally all got caught, the first thing Naoya did was strike him across the face hard enough to knock him over.

They all got beaten horribly for that stunt. And they all expected it from the start, because that’s what their family did.

Megumi stuck his neck out for her. He took a beating because he didn’t like Naoya bullying her around. He intervened for Mai when it was to his own direct detriment, and she never forgot it. Her own parents weren’t doing that.

Which meant that she sort of hoped that when Megumi got older and became an authority in the clan, people would stop hurting her entirely.

Megumi didn’t have the authority as a little kid to just order Naoya to fuck off, but he was pretty much guaranteed to have it one day. There had always been people in the clan where, if you had their favor, no one could touch you. Mai had just never had anyone’s favor before. But Megumi was the Ten Shadows, and he was practically cosmically ordained as the most important person in their clan in five hundred years, and he was kind to her, and he said they could be friends. He said they’d stay friends.

It cost Megumi a lot to protect her as kids. It gave her a lot of very real hope that he’d keep doing it when it cost him nothing, and that there would come a day where it would just stop hurting so much.

And it wasn’t just her. It was also a future where Maki could maybe be happy.

One of the central facets of Mai’s character is that she desperately wishes for a world where Maki would have stayed in the clan with her. She wanted Maki to keep her promise. She wanted Maki to just be content doing a few chores and keeping her head down.

At this time, Maki hadn’t broken her promise yet, but I think that Mai still wanted that as their future. Her and Maki together, with Maki never leaving her, and both of them safe in the compound from the curses that terrified Mai.

Even if Megumi was nice to her, there should have been the lingering doubt as to whether he would also make the clan safe for Maki, but that fear got shattered when she joined them in Mai’s hideout.

He didn’t treat her like garbage. He said that they could be friends too. Maki bossed him around while they played, and the most he did was grumble at her. He treated Maki better than their own parents were treating them, and he did it without a thought.

So yeah. Mai had a lot of hopes pinned on Megumi when she was a very young girl. And I think if she had any feelings for him, it was more trying to force herself to have those feelings, because the world he offered was by far the one she wanted the most. Whether she was in love with him was almost the least important consideration.

If Mai was going to be married off to the heir to the clan, better Fushiguro “respect women” Megumi than Zenin “if she breathes she’s a thot” Naoya. He made her see a future she and Maki could be happy in for once, and then it all got ripped away.

I definitely see Mai as having a lot of bitterness towards Megumi leaving the clan, but I don’t think it was initially against him. I think she was initially bitter as hell against gojo. She was a little kid buying into the propaganda, which is that it wasn’t their Ten Shadows rejecting them, no, it was gojo stealing him away. That’s definitely changed and developed over the years, but I won’t say how.

#sea glass gardens #see the thing is that I don’t think romantic love was every proffered to her as important growing up #the Zenin clan married to have kids and further political games #love wouldn’t have factored into it or every been posed to her as a major consideration #megumi was the only person she’s ever wanted to marry and to her that might as well be love #it had less to do with anything as to who he is as a person and more because she had two options and one was a misogynistic wife beater who #had ten years on her and whose personality was ass #the other was about her age and respected women and intervened to make sure she wasn’t hurt #there was. no competition. yes please let’s go the path that means her and her sister won’t be beat their entire lives #also I have a backlog of about 90ish asks right now so please know if you sent me a message I’m not ignoring you I just am working through #them still. I saw the message and loved it. it was great and made my day.#I tend to write long answers to asks too which means there’s a lot that just end up half finished or take a long time to get out

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