#i couldve gotten better

[anervousmirrorball]

i was so fixated on killing myself I never knew when I turned 20, 21, 22, 23

#i lost all those years of my life #and im supposed to act normal #like something good came out of it #like something good happened when i graduated college #i dont remember my life at all these years #and most of 17 18 19 #and im expected to be normal like other people and supposed yo have grown up like other people my age have #and do adult things as if i havent spent years alone and depressed and in isolation away from everyone else who were making memories and #experiencing life aand actually “growing up” and making friends #but okay #something surely is inherently wrong with me #i must be stupid and a coward #after all i had all the resources? #i couldve looked up a therapist #i couldve spent money without letting anyone know where i was spending it #i couldve lied about it #i couldve gotten better #i couldve chnaged #its all my fault #and i think i paid enough for it by hurting myself but apparently that was not enough cause no one knew #and maybe nothing i do will ever make up for my existence #nothing i create will ever be enough #no amount of money or achievements will ever be enough and make up for my existence #and im supposed to be okay with that #im supposed to be brave and not cry when im anxious #no one can know you're scared anyways #“get married” even if i have spent years at my house watching my parents fight and getting anxious the minute i hear incoherent sounds #from the other room #its okay #everyone fights

[arinmoss]

-The End-

#end of the year doodle #didnt feel like drawing something where i had to pay attention to details plus so heres this sketchy thing hehe :3 #i love the swirl tool so much #couldve gotten even messier with this piece #art #sketch #doodle #digital art #my art #original art #there could be better placement for the hair to give it even more moevment but truly was just wanting to be messy and not think too much lo #drawing #artwork #illustration #this is mostly a style i draw in when i especially dont feel like paying attention lol #like the features are very stylized which is jsut easier on my brain somtimes

[juni-ravenhall]

sso loading screen text "remember that knowledge is power".... imagine the power if the writers knew the lore of the game

#no offense to the likely 1 sse employee doing their best with actual lore but the way they changed bonnys writing was insane and #all the retconning and random shit like when scott was randomly generic evil man in some josh quest #and the shitty dialect things in general like rowan bc that shit doesnt even translate to other langs well its both badly written and not - #- even a good idea whatsoever for a multilanguage game that isnt just in english from the start. but also its just stereotypical and bad #bonny was written charming and interesting and it was really unnecessary to retcon her into this scottish stereotype dialect #and while sometimes they do bring proper stuff from the existing lore like devils gap and turn it into something... theres still- #- a million things that couldve been done better both in the current writing and the old writing as well! it was always a mess #like the ice wraiths of golden hills or whatever theyre called. the dino valley yeti and witch stuff being hinted but abandoned. etc #but they shouldve gotten someone to *read* all that and take notes and try to turn it into something good and more complete. #rather than getting ppl going lol lets change lots of stuff around it will be great (proceeds to make it worse) #disclaimer idk whose fault all of that is but i blame johan sjöberg for being a bad manager of this games potential and #also the whoevers that have had any power to direct and plan and manage shit at that company

[maltedmilkks]

friendly reminder that if the party had taken the same measures they did to save will from the mind flayer with billy then max would have never been cursed by vecna and we could’ve had a bad ass brother sister fighting duo in s4 attacking vecna :)

#say it with me now I HATE THE DUFFER BROTHERS! #stranger things #billy hargrove #billy hargrove deserved better #max mayfield #max and billy #billy could’ve been such a badass with Steve and Eddie in the upside down #once again we are robbed by the doo doo bros #stranger things 4 #stranger things 3 #mind flayer #WE COULDVE GOTTEN HARRINGROVE TOO! JUST SAYIN! #harringrove

[boypussydilf]

society if simon’s trauma and depression in fionna & cake was handled remotely as well as marceline’s trauma and depression in stakes

#i think stakes probably couldve gotten some of its ideas across a LITTLE better? #but that’s. the most i have to say about it negatively #stakes is so good #and doesnt just. kick itself in the dick and forget what it was even about. #siiiiiiggghhhhhhhh. #anyway simon & marcy have a lot of shared experiences and a lot of different but similar experiences #they should get to actually talk about that #basilposting #fionna and cake spoilers #atposting

[vampyretaemin]

TAEMIN - The Rizzness | SBS Inkigayo 231105

#wish i couldve gotten better close ups of The Claws but this will have to do… #taemin #shinee #lee taemin #mgifs #taemin edits #shinee edits #kpop edits #kpop gifs

[sluttypatrickstar]

getting a lot of notes on my post about how the male presenting line was silly bcus the doctor is literally always like that and people being upset and you're all right and i agree with you it was a let down in the episode and very essentialist but at the same time im glad there is the space for there to be a let down. im glad they put a trans character in and put trans rep on one of the biggest and most popular shows on terf island and im glad they kept swinging even if it meant a few misses.

#like ofc i think they couldve done better and maybe consulted and maybe those lines would've gotten picked up and removed #but sometimes it just feels so bleak here on terf island that i feel joyous seeing them throwing so much trans stuff at us today!!! #doctor who

[legofrans]

>:]

#arknights #sadly i didn't get Chitinous ripper and i also didnt get the final mizuki encounter. it could go higher. #i did get iron guard: invasion and wall though. #also hand of branding obviously. #not sure exactly how many battles but around 18? #also this is mod y level 3. did i mention royal rapier and medal of honor? cause i got those too. #OH and scouts scope. #also had both dodge books. but. uh. only way to activate dodge would've been to brinh flametail s2. #and then survival contract couldve gotten on her so. not doing that. but that wouldve been another ≈10k or so attack? #all in all very good but. couldve been better.

[proxie-of-the-art]

This man haunts me

#priest 2011 #karl urban #black hat #proxies #fanart #vascar #this movie is so cheesy and bland and anytime it couldve gotten interesting it didnt #but i still rewatch it just because of him and the pure horror and religious potential of this movie omog #the manhwa looks so much better why is the movie so bad #atleast it had a cool opening thanks to genndy tartakovsky #drawing black hat is so hard cause karl urban has such a distinct face that i cant grasp it

[aranarumei]

many thanks to @icharchivist for dropping this phrase in relation to these around about a week and some earlier. truly you’re like my muse <3

the earrings belial is wearing are fully ones i own tho that's just my incurable need to draw earrings. extra shot of him under the cut

#gbf #granblue fantasy #lucillius gbf #belial gbf #my art #wmtsb #probably couldve polished each a bit more but. didnt feel like it #ive gotten much better at drawing belial tho. what they say abt practice is really true #fun fact i redrew lucillius many times bc he kept looking like a chump next to my belial sketch #and i felt bad for him

[bl-inkstone]

a short blurb about meitham inspired by @zhongrin's ebg + afterparty events! this isn't super long or detailed or anything since it's already been a few days since the idea first came to me, but i hope you enjoy it anyway <3

"haitham, do you think other worlds exist?"

alhaitham blinks once, twice, before lifting his eyes from the book he had been reading to look at you. you're a dream lying on his chaise, with your hair loose and freshly washed, slowly drying in the evening light. he notes the subtle droop in your eyes and the heavy tilt of your head, the way you seem to melt into the scrolled arm of the sofa. you're tired, but it's barely a quarter past seven. neither of you have even eaten yet. did you overwork yourself again?

"well," he begins with a card of his fingers through your hair, gently detangling the strands as he works to gather his thoughts. "given the nature of the world we live in, ignoring the possibility of such an existence would be foolish. i'm hard pressed to say yes to something i haven't seen with my own eyes, but the idea isn't something i'd completely disregard. does that answer your question, mei?"

in lieu of a coherent response, you give him an affirmative hum and close your eyes to the soothing motions of his fingers running through your hair. unease settles in alhaitham's gut the longer the silence between you, something normally so comforting, goes on and he feels compelled to continue the conversation. as loathe as he is to disturb your rest, something in the back of his mind urges him to keep you talking, to keep you awake.

"love," he calls right as he stops playing with your hair. he sits up properly and plants both feet on the ground to pull you up from your rest on the chaise's arm, settling you into an upright position at his side. his arm snakes around your waist and pulls you closer to him, like a subconscious effort at seeking comfort at the uncomfortable feelings rising from the base of his spine, and he leans down to nudge you awake. when your eyes flutter open and you grumble in soft protest, the muted worry subsides just a little.

"mei, it's too early for you to sleep. our dinner hasn't even finished cooking yet. it's not good to rest on an empty stomach," he explains with some force behind his voice in an effort to keep you awake. he considers pinching you a little before completely ignoring the idea in favor of something else. "do you want some coffee? maintaining a healthy work-life balance is essential to a comfortable life, love. if your work is proving to be too much, i am more than willing to—"

"i think... i think i want to travel. to those other worlds, i mean. i think it will be fun."

alhaitham's jaw snaps shut.

once again, that damned silence returns and he finds himself at war with worry and fear. why are you talking like this? what do you mean you want to travel to another world? is this one not enough? is he not enough? wasn't your question just a hypothetical, just one of the many you like to throw his way?

where is this all coming from, and why does he feel so cold?

"mei," and it's all he can say, all he can do, to hold you and beg in a way that's not begging. "mei, my love, i don't... i don't mind if you want to travel."

the words taste like poison in his mouth, thick and bitter and so so unpleasant that he can't help the displeased twitch of his lips once he grinds the last syllable out.

"i'd never cage or chain you down," he soothes when your brows furrow at his words, "if you wish to see new sights and learn new things, then by all means, go ahead. i'll arrange for any preparations you need, and you know my mora is yours to use. all i ask is that you take me with you."

don't go where i cannot follow, alhaitham pleads with words unsaid, orange-teal eyes blurring at the edges with strange black lines. don't leave me without your warmth.

you don't reply, and a numbing cold trickles down the acting grand sage's spine when he realizes that you've fallen asleep. he feels the beginnings of a headache coming on, quiet whispers and flashes of colors he can't decipher slowly growing in volume past the deafening beat of his heart. he's only ever felt this a handful of times before in his life, but never to this degree.

you're sleeping. just sleeping, as you do every night in the comfort of his arms.

so why does he feel like his heart has turned to sand slipping through your loose fingers?

#miyo.muses #miyo.delivery #alhaitham.togo #takeout for: rin ! #i wrote this in one go bc the idea was disappearing and i needed to write it down Fast #this is so messy oml im not sure if i got all the points i wanted to make across #but i hope its somewhat readable #aaaa i wish i couldve worded some things better but my brain is conked out and this is the best i could do </3 #ik its super short but i hope u enjoy it anyway!! #zhongrin is cute sure but meitham is very precious 2 Me #alhaitham deserves the spotlight too #edit: OK I POSTED IT W/O DOUBLE CHECKING FIRST #IF YOU SAW IT WITH THE FIRST DRAFT STILL THERE IN THE BEGINNING #NO THE HELL YOU DIDNT QHWDDYUWD #this is so scuffed lmao its obvious i havent gotten any sleep #ahahaha the things i do to appease my brain #its hard out here man

[yamikawaii]

something something kill myself

#i thought insane posting would make me feel a little better #but no now i just wanna slice her name into my skin down to the bone and bleed out and die #idec abt holding it back its 2 am.honestly life has gotten 10x as meaningless as it was before since our anni was basically ruined #and yknow what my life will always always be meaningless and yknow why? #because the one thing i am meant to live for the ONE THING that couldve made it all worth it doesnt physically exist in this reality #how am i supposed to find any point in life if my one true purpose is PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE. #just imagining was enough for me when i could comfortably live inside my own mind but the outside stressors are too much now #its getting too much to bear and i have no home to go to when i want to just take the weight off my shoulders and relax #no im never home i dont have a home my home doesnt exist #but i just want to go home. i want to go home. i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home #i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home please #but i cant #i cant have anything to make it better #i cant even have a hug from the person i love most. or a smile or kind words or anything #i have nothing but me my phone and a framed poster of her that i have nowhere to hang up #and nowhere to go but flying off the roof of a 30 story building #i have nothing. my life is nothing. i am nothing. #sui tw #sh tw #whatever whatever goodnight

[skeletalheartattack]

Who do you like in smash brothers :)

i always liked playing heavyweights in smash bros, honestly. with the few times i played ultimate, i really enjoyed playing Dedede and K. Rool. it honestly kinda makes me wish they added more heavyweights with the dlcs.

#ask #anon #like i think about the characters that couldve gotten in that could classify as a heavyweight. and eggman might be a contender. #honestly when the dlcs were happening i was hoping to see him. but oh well. sobeit #i didnt really have any other characters i wanted to see. besides some more Mother characters like Duster #oah well. #also was initially gonna ask ''do you mean to play as. or like as in. romantically.'' #but i figured itd probably be better to answer one half in the tags like i usually do. #k. rool and wolf o'donnell to name a few #smile #anyway back on subject regaring the initial response #i also like playing bowser but. hes a bit too simple for me to want to play over and over as. #k. rool and dedede have so much fun to their gameplay that its easy to miss when playing bowser #i wouldve liked to see how banjo played but i havent had the opportunity to play smash ultimate in a long time #anyway i hope that answers your question anon :)

[thisisaname-whatahappyname]

sushi soucy did not need to pop off this hard ive been in shambles for two days now

#avarage #sushi soucy #and the thing is i know i couldve been better i know what supplies what work i couldve gotten wouldve lead mw to reach new heights #i just #didnt go for it #and now im falling behind #going from 2nd in the junior competitions to not even placing at all because while i improved i didn't improve enough #not like the others #and i knew what to do #i just didn't do it #i thought i would be fine with thise cause i was trying to turn my art into a direction i even end up didnt go for in that time frame #i used every excuse and payed the price #god its so hard to be good for your age especially when you know you couldve been good enough for the stage #and you watch as your whole damn career turns into a phase #vent #whoops

[toytulini]

god i really went THREE FUCKING YRS without getting sick i was being so goddamn careful but then my parents got smth and foolish me, didnt step up the level of precaution i was taking around them, and lo and behold, im almost definitely sick

#toy txt post #grumping #AS SOON AS I HAVE TO GO BACK TO WORK AND DONT HAVE ANYMORE DAYS OFF TOO. GOD. I GUESS ILL FUCKING ASK TOMORROW #IF THEY WANT ME THERE OR NOT. obviously i will be wearing a mask. just. augh #the annoying part is i WAS taking precautions around my parents. wearing a mask around them. etc. #but foolish me let my door be open cos the room is a little warm. so their air conditioner just blasted all their Sick Air right into my #fucking bedroom ig. i have a hepa filter running all the time but it wasnt enough ig #and like. you know. at night when they were in bed id dare to be unmasked outside my room. my mistake ig #i ate food they made. i was wearing a mask around them but not the best mask i couldve cos that one does hurt my nose after awhile #i was wearing a mask around them but i wasnt likiting contact as much as i shouldve. they kept opening my door and coming into my room #before id gotten up so i couldnt get a mask on in time. etc. see. all on me i shouldve known better/s #idk. just. frustrated. i try to take my silly little precautions in a way that not fucking obtrusive to them #cos god forbid. god forbid i ask them to like. idk. wear a mask if theyre going to come in my room while Actively Sick. #or like. not be All Over The House Coughing. idk. fucking whatever. im the unreasonable one i know. my symptoms are not currently that bad #dont know if its covid #doesnt feel worth bothering to do a rapid test cos i keep hearing theyre not picking up new strains anyway and who fucking knows #idk! #i should try to get a little more sleep ig #feels like ill be okay im just fucking. mad

[kruxton]

having a Night. havent been alone w my thoughts in a while and im not liking it

#usualy i'd make up some stupid story to fall asleep but its not working now #some news was broken to me just now and i dont know how to feel about it #i mean i do #ok incoming vent #hate the idea hate it so so much but its so selfish of me to think that way #and the issues all lie within ME and i just. i cant change now #not w all the work i put into adapting to this place i cant just. pack it all up and leave to go somewhere else #my future was set here man. all i had left was to finish a year and a half more of secondary school n get thru my IGCSEs and i'l be set #yeah i didnt have a specific plan but i had come to terms w a solid general one that i actually really liked #and now its all Ruined #'dw you'll be going to a good school over there too! much better than where ur at now' i dont want to #i cant i just cant #i cant leave my life here now not when im so close to finally getting my freedom #i was supposed to graduate top of my class here i was supposed to excel in my extra curriculars i was supposed to be KNOWN #god does that sound horrible of me but i cant change the way i feel and how ive always felt #i was set man. i couldve gotten that scholarship and gone overseas #i NEED that scholarship or my family wont be able to afford to put my siblings into good schools #but now my progress is gone! #yeah idfk how the school system shit works but i highly doubt some prestigious ass school is gonna care abt shit i did in my current one #yeah i could be wrong but what if man #what then. what the fuck am i supposed to do #and im scared i wont be able to make friends there #fuck im prbly overthinking this n being such a fucking pussy but #i cant. be alone #not again i cant do that shit again #i have my friends here!!!! and theyre alright i like to be around them so why cant i just stay #im just so tired #i just want to sleep #but all i can think about is this #vent