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thisnoodlewritesao3 · 3 years

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The Girl Who Radiated The Sun - Part 1 | Sugawara Koushi/Reader

Characters: Sugawara Koushi, Reader (Sunshine), mentioned: Azumane Asahi, Shimizu Kiyoko, Sawamura Daichi. Original Characters: Previous!Reader(Moonlight), Kado, Joji, Etsu

Pairings: Sugawara Koushi/Reader

Warnings: jealousy, drinking (Suga, Reader, and Moonlight are all 22-23), implied/referenced depression

Word Count: 4165

Summary: Working at a café had been your dream come true, so was meeting Sugawara Koushi. Things were so perfect that you didn't notice the tides shifting until it was too late, and the moon had already piqued her way over the horizon.

A/N: This took me far too long to finish, and I am so sorry for that for those of you who have been waiting for this. If you haven't read this series before, then check out the other two parts for Moonlight and the start of her story, as well as Angel too. A big thank you to @pies-writes-and-more and @satan-ruler-of-hells for keeping my head in place while I wrote this. I could not have done this without you my loves.

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People have always intrigued you; their stories and the worlds around them that you’d get to glimpse into if you really paid attention (and you paid attention). There wasn’t anything more exciting to you.

That was why you loved your job at a café, you could observe the people around you with such ease. Some you only got to see for that day, some maybe a few more, but others would come weekly - maybe more. You had a few favourite characters in this little story.

The first was a tall, skinny man with brown hair. He always wore a suit and adored a black coffee every day - to go, obviously. Most of the time he was on the phone, grumbling to some poor human about a task they failed to complete, but the few times he wasn’t were more intriguing. He had a very calm air about him then. Very charming (especially when he tried to flirt with you, to no avail). He always tipped 200 Yen, telling you to treat yourself to something nice - you always wanted to pour his coffee over the expensive suit.

Next was the tired mother and her daughter. Every Friday, 3:35 on the dot, that’s when they showed up. The daughter would squish her cheeks together and gasp at the array of cakes before picking a cheesecake. The mother would smile almost sadly before getting herself whichever tea you’d recommend that day - normally a green tea, but you’d change things up sometimes. They were always a relieving sight. You knew the mother was single, listening as the daughter bragged about what she’d be doing with her dad this weekend. You watched the twinkle in her eye dwindle at the mention of her father, but the mother smiled through it all and smiled so sweetly. Such a brave woman.

And finally, one woman who had held your intrigue for the entire two years she’d been coming. Every single Saturday she’d enter, always ordering a tea and daifuku with anko filling. For the first year, she seemed so hopeful as she nervously rubbed her hands together; the few times you’d actually talked to her, she told you about her boyfriend, how she was waiting for him to call. And for a while, he did. Then slowly, she stopped getting that call.

She only ever missed one week - when you asked her about it the next week, tears pricked in her eyes and she broke down. You took her into the back quickly, ushering away the peering eyes of your co-workers so she could feel secure. You learnt her name, but you’d come to call her Moonlight (something about her just reminded you of the moon), and in turn, she’d call you Sunshine (because something about you reminded her of the sun).

You never talked outside of the café, but she seemed to open up just a little more with each passing week, discovering new things about her that you hadn’t expected. Things that exceeded your expectations. Only once did she show up with three small children in tow (Kado, Joji, and Etsu), and it was absolute hell - but the best day you’d ever worked.

Kado and Joji were truly little demons, just turned 5 and already forces to be reckoned with. Etsu was about to be 3, a beauty already. Despite being their sister, Moonlight acted more like a mother. It was almost sad to see.

Moonlight was somehow so open and yet so closed off at the same time; every inch closer you’d step towards her, she was pushing back. Always at arms reach. You could try and slip past her barriers (if you could figure out which ones actually led to her).

One week, you awaited her arrival with bated breath; something in the air today had you more nervous than usual and you couldn’t quite figure out what it was. You’d just gotten back off of your break when she arrived, smiling so beautifully. “Same as usual?” You chirped, already writing down her typical.

“For me, yes,” she chimed. Something about her was glowing more today - subconsciously, your brows twitched upwards, trying to figure it out what she meant. Your confusion seemed to click with her because she elaborated, “oh, I brought someone with me again. He’s just… I don’t know what he’s doing.”

Almost as if on command, the door to the café opened and in walked a man, a cheeky smile plastered on his lips. Something about him made it impossible for you to not look at him; then his eyes landed on her and you knew you never stood a chance. “What’re you ordering, bitch face?” He asked, snorting as she rolled her eyes.

“Make your own decision, Suga tits.” There’s a chemistry between them that you can’t quite figure out; enough space between them to leave it up to the imagination. Either old friends or lovers, now was the task of figuring out which it was? She glanced down at her phone, brows furrowing - he must have seen in the corner of his eyes because he immediately looked worried.

After he figured out his order, they sat down at a table and kept up their light chatter.

You hadn’t expected her to move on so quickly since whatever heartbreak she’d faced just over a year ago, but you were happy for her. With this boy - Suga, you guessed - she was able to open up and smile so freely. There was nothing forcing it.

You were happy for her, you told yourself.

----

The next week, Moonlight returned by herself, holding her hands in front of her and smiling ever so sweetly. “Hey.” You smiled so brightly, and she returned the gesture (you noted the emptiness in her eyes now that Suga wasn’t here). “Your usual?” You asked, and she nodded. “So, where’s that boy you were with?” You hummed, looking up at her.

“Oh, Suga?” She asked, and you could only nod because you didn’t really know who he was. “He’s got some work to do today; tough life being a university student, I suppose.”

“I wouldn’t know.” You laugh. There’s a questioning look in her eyes, but she slowly manages to piece things together and nods.

“Same. I only know what I know because of Suga and-” there’s a moment of hesitation and her expression falls to a sadness you recognise. You know exactly who she is thinking about in that moment and are quick to distract her.

“So is Suga, like, your boyfriend…?” That works and she looks up at you cackling with laughter, her head tossed back as she clutches her stomach. Her laughter is infectious in the nicest way and you giggle with her.

“God, no!” She calls out, brushing away tears that had formed in the corner of her eyes. A mixture of disgust on her face answers your first question, but it raises so many more in its place. Like a ‘one door closes and twelve more open’ sort of situation. Before you had a chance to ask, she had a chance to explain, “he’s just, I guess, my best friend.”

You nodded slowly and she glanced up at you as you mused, “I see.”

The smirk that tugged at her lips spoke a thousand words. “Why? Do you think he’s cute?” She asked, resting her head on her hand. The warmth that spread to your cheeks was a tell tale sign, but you denied it anyway. She only laughed and brushed you off.

You hoped that that would be the end of that conversation. That you wouldn’t have to face up to these feelings any time soon (because they weren’t really feelings). Of course, Moonlight had other plans.

You were cleaning off the table she’d sat at after she left when you noticed a piece of paper on it. All you could think was oh no.

Carefully, you unfolded the paper, and you were greeted with a little message - obviously from Moonlight. It read:

So, ya like Suga? Perfect, because he told me he thinks you’re cute.

xxx-xxx-xxxx

Go get ‘em :D

You hid the squeal of excitement at the words on the paper, but your co-workers would be sure to question why it was suddenly like you were floating for the rest of the day.

----

Had there ever been someone more perfect than Sugawara Koushi? No!

That was what you thought, of course, because Sugawara Koushi was an angel disguised as a devil. Sure, he liked to play little tricks and tease, and sometimes he could get a little too aggressive with his ways of love. But underneath all that was a soft interior that made your heart melt.

Every interaction with him left you on a high - which meant you were like this on, basically, a daily basis. Who knew that just a few months of dating and a month of officially being together could make your world so full of life of joy.

And the best part? He felt the exact same way.

You’d be sure to thank Moonlight for this opportunity to be with him until the day that you’d die. Without her, you never would have gotten this far; you would have passed up the greatest opportunity for love that you’d known. And for what? You didn’t even know.

“You know, I think you’re pretty cool.” You hummed one afternoon, curled up next to him on his couch, the film you’d been watching not long ago forgotten so you could trace the shapes on his face. Something so soft in his features as he looked at you. God, you just wanted to kiss him, and hold him, so much for so long.

“I think I’m pretty cool, too.” He chuckled, brushing a strand of hair out of your face.

You only laughed and pushed yourself away from him - a small defiance - but he was quick to grab your wrist and pull you back.

“I guess you’re okay, too.” He planted a soft kiss on your forehead and you rolled your eyes.

That was the thing about Sugawara Koushi: his heart was so open and warm to the world around him. To the people who he held near and dear to him. You just happened to be lucky enough to be one of those people.

“I’m more than okay and you know it.” You said, resting your head against his chest and listening to his even heart rate pick up ever so slightly.

You wouldn’t call it love, not yet, not when it’s still so early into it. But you do know that you both care for each other so deeply, more than anyone will ever care about you, and more than anyone will ever care about him.

For a little while, it feels like the whole world only revolves around the two of you.

So much that you can’t see something rising over the horizon.

----

Of course, good things always seemed to get interrupted for you.

Sugawara was your world, but that was the thing about worlds, they’d normally bring along a little something else with them that you might not notice until it’s too late.

For you, that something would be the very thing that brought you together. Moonlight was great - you knew that - and she had no intentions of ever dating Sugawara - or trying to steal him from you. But when they interacted, you couldn’t help but feel inferior. Like you were the third wheel in their world. Like they had a bond that you could never be a part of.

“Are you sure nothing ever happened between you and her?” You’d tease, trying to keep the air lighthearted as he looked at her with a content sigh - his expression switched to that of disgust, and you knew your fears were unwarranted.

Honestly, you don’t really know what you were expecting, you knew they were close when you started dating him. Yet you couldn’t stop the sickening feeling of jealousy twisting your stomach, making your skin crawl. Those feelings only got worse when they’d laugh together about something that happened so many years ago. Moonlight was snorting, clutching her stomach like her life depended on it.

It only made it harder when she depended on him. You knew why - she just simply didn’t have anyone else other than Suga - and you didn’t mind, not at first, not until he’d answer her calls in the middle of your date and leave you wishing you’d never texted him that evening after Moonlight had given you his number. Wishing you’d never met him. Wishing it was just as easy as giving up.

And the more you looked at her, the more you knew you could never compare. Though she looks slightly older for her age, slightly more tired, the beauty she radiates is far more than you have. Her laugh is so contagious; humour perfectly matching his in every way that yours can’t.

You speculated that it was because they’d been together so long - that thought would be correct - but you couldn’t help it. You wanted to be close to him. You wanted what they had. How were you meant to do that?

And so what if you end up reading more into their relationship than you should, a little jealousy is healthy, right? Watching the way they interact and wishing it was you is normal, right? Begging that she’d find someone more captivating and leave him alone for good isn’t a horrible idea, right? That you’d finally get to have some time with him and not feel alone. God, that would be nice.

You resist the urge to cry as she leans into him while they exchange their laughter; Suga glances at you and you offer him a smile. Sure, it was nice they’d invite you on their weekly excursions (you’d pretend that the fact you got a bi-weekly date didn’t affect you), but you were like an awkward piece to the puzzle. You fit, but something was missing.

Or maybe you didn’t fit as much as you thought you did.

----

So maybe you invited her to a night out, just the two of you.

And maybe you started drinking just a little more than you normally would because you were nervous.

And maybe you ended up getting into an argument with her that went something along the lines of you telling her that you hate her because she is always with Suga. And her telling you… something?

Once again, these were all just maybe’s, you couldn’t remember what happened last night at all. Not with the pounding in your head. You felt light and heavy at the same time, and the water Suga kept offering you wasn’t doing you any good.

He ran his hands through your hair and looked down at you sadly as you mumbled into your pillow.

You really wish you could remember what you’d said last night (at least, not exactly). The only thing you can visibly remember was the sickening look of sorrow in her eyes. A look you recognised from some time after she’d ended things with her ex; had your words really hurt her that much? You doubted it, she was probably just putting on some sort of act to try and make you feel bad. You couldn’t feel bad.

Maybe you should have felt bad because Suga kept looking at his phone with worried eyes. Normally, she would have been messaging him so much, checking up on you and making sure that you hadn’t died in the night. Today: nothing.

You wanted to tell him that she’d message soon, but you weren’t sure. “How are you feeling?” He asks, putting his phone to one side and gently cupping your cheek.

“Like shit.” You mumble, nuzzling closer into his warmth, tossing an arm over his body. Suga lets out a soft chuckle as you smile. “How’s Moonlight?” You ask, but it’s half-hearted and you don’t know why.

“I’m sure she’s fine.” He assures you, but there’s hesitation in his voice and it makes your stomach sink. “Did something happen last night?” You can feel his eyes on you, trying to work out why she wasn’t checking up on you. If only you remembered.

“I don’t know.” You admit even though you are aware of something happening. “I can’t really remember anything.” You say. His face shifts, but he looks away before you can fully understand the expression. God, if only there were an easy answer for everything.

That night you manage to distract him from his sadness with snacks and a movie.

If only snacks and a movie could fix everything.

----

It isn’t until he comes home late from work a week later, crying and completely drenched head to toe that you understand something is not right. Something more not right than what you thought.

He tries to avoid your hugs, but gives in and eventually melts into you. He grips the back of your shirt tightly, like he’d fall apart if he let go. Like he’d fall apart if you let him go.

You choose not to care about the fact his tears are soaking through your shirt, or that he’s created a wet spot on the carpet from his drenched clothes, or the light pain as he holds you closer. Right now, he needs you.

It takes some time, but you manage to get it out of him; he’d gone to visit Moonlight after he’d finished work to try and see what was up with her (because she’d stopped calling and messaging him entirely). Apparently, she hadn’t even let him in the door, refused to talk to him about the problem - because you were the problem - and told him to leave her alone.

Even as he tried to get her to open up and talk about it she just refused. Of course, the conversation lasted longer than he thought, but only because Kado and Joji had forced the man inside. Moonlight tried to tell them no, but they weren’t listening to a thing she said (though that wasn’t exactly a new situation).

You tried not to think about how this was most definitely your fault. The fact that his current problems were because of you.

God, you should have just sucked it up, dealt with it. She made him happy - but not as happy as you - she hadn’t done anything wrong. And yet… you were jealous. Why?

Thinking about it made your head hurt, so you focused on rubbing slow circles on his back, humming a soft tune to try and distract both of you from the thoughts that wracked your brain. Maybe it all hurt more because Suga had always been so much stronger than anyone you’d known, and yet, here he was, broken in your arms.

You helped him strip off his clothes, saying, “you wouldn’t want to catch a cold, would you?” And he agreed, letting you whisk him upstairs, running him a bath. His eyes were dull as he looked to the side, barely keeping up any conversation with you.

It hurt. More than you ever thought it would.

----

You really regretted ever thinking that things would be better if Moonlight wasn’t here. If she’d left your life.

The moment she’d left, she seemed to take a part of Suga with her; sure, he was still Suga, he’d tease and and make fun, and you’d end up in laughing fits, but there was something missing in how he works.

You’d watch his eyes light up when his phone buzzed, only to die immediately.

You winced inside with each night that he’d ask you if you’d heard something, anything, because he was worried.

It was like something inside of Suga was programmed to protect Moonlight, but he would never tell you why. Like it was some sort of trade secret between the two of them. Another thing you’d never get a chance to be a part of.

Things became just a little harder after she’d stopped visiting the café. It was abrupt. After almost four years of knowing each other, it was over. She’d taken herself out of your life as well as Suga’s. Did you even have any right to be upset with her?

No.

Every time you watched him jump at the sound of the door, you knew it was your fault, because the disappointment that would follow was more than enough to break your heart a thousand times over. Maybe even more. Definitely more.

You wished you could make this pain go away, you just didn't know how to. If Moonlight was in the picture, then it might end up destroying your relationship with Suga; but if she wasn’t in the picture, then Suga was… well, he was depressed.

He’d smile at you weakly from his end of the couch before he looked away, eyes void of emotion.

You ran your hands through your hair, sighing to yourself as you poured the coffee for a customer, feigning a smile.

----

You wished things weren’t like this.

You wished feelings weren’t messy.

You wished that you knew how to make things better.

Even when Suga told you he’d be okay, you couldn’t help but not believe him.

You bit back the tears in front of him, gave him the sweet kisses that he needed at the moment; when you were alone, it was a different story. You could only feel guilt.

God, you felt stupid. Time didn’t make things better, they made things so much more worse. A few months had passed since your maybe-argument with Moonlight and nothing had changed (though Suga did cling to you considerably more now).

When you were at work one weekend, Suga had found an old box of memories from his high school years. You returned just in time, catching him holding onto an old picture of the third years from his volleyball club.

“What’s that?” You called out from the door frame. He looked up at you, a little surprised, but his face softened and he motioned for you to join him. You did, not even hesitating.

“I found this box,” you glanced around as he explained, humming a little at the small memories that were spread across the floor, “and this is a picture from our last year in high school.” He passed you the picture.

There were two faces you didn’t recognise (another face you knew to be Azumane Asahi. You’d only met him once or twice, but he was very nice - though rather timid).

One belonged to a girl with black hair and glasses, a small smile on her lips, but her eyes were shining with such joy in this moment.

The other face was a boy. He had short brown hair and the most charming smile you’d ever seen. Stood just a little in front of this boy was Moonlight, looking barely younger than she did now, but her eyes were glowing with so much happiness. Next to her was Suga, so relaxed and awash with content that it was almost strange.

“Is that Moonlight?” You asked, checking your facts.

“Yep,” Suga nodded, looking at her with a sigh.

“I didn’t know she was part of the volleyball team…” you hummed, resting your head on his shoulder.

You can’t see his face, but his tone of voice is enough to tell you what you need to know. “She wasn’t.” A question lingers on the tip of your tongue; you don’t need to ask it, he’s already explaining, “she, um…” he pointed to the boy with the short brown hair. “This is Sawamura Daichi, he was… her boyfriend.”

“Oh…” you were smart enough to fill in some gaps, but Moonlight had never told you what had actually happened between them.

“You know,” Suga sniffed, starting to pack away the things back into the box, “I know things get hard sometimes. And that I’m really close to Moonlight, but I hope you know you never had anything to worry about. I knew that girl for almost six years. I’ve seen her at her worst, never at her best though.” You nod, not really sure how to respond. “Before I met you, we were the only people who really understood each other; I’m in love with you, though.”

You feel your heart warm at the sound of that; yet something in his eyes kept you from feeling so elated.

“You’re my everything, but…” he paused. Of all places to pause, he paused there. And why?

You knew why.

Like how every world needed a sun, Suga needed you. You provided him warmth; helped him to thrive; you brought light into his life that he could never describe. But worlds need more than just a sun to thrive. Worlds need moons to hold back the tides; to light up the darkness; to reflect your love further and deeper.

And right now, your world needed his moon.

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rochibolettieri · 5 years

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Thoughts on 4x11 “If not for hope”

There we go again with a new ep. I think is an unpopular opinion but I really liked it, and had to stay away from here as well as Tw because of the negativity towards this ep and the season so far.

I have my opinions too, I already said them in previous posts but from my perspective, is understandable that this season won’t be exclusively about J/C, and from now on, there’ll be more characters that need time to grow and develop (i.e. Bree, Roger, Murtagh, Fergus/Marsali, Young Ian etc). Does that mean I love the lack of screen time between J/C? Nope, not at all, but I kind of get the point of the writers (in that only).

When in the promo the actors/producers talked about the theme of the season as “Home” it didn’t mean just for J/C, but for every character involved. Bree giving up the house she lived her whole life and embarking herself into a 200 years’ time travel to find her home with her parents. Roger going after Bree, who he thinks, is his home too. And we can add him finding home after all that happened to him with the Mohawks. Jamie and Claire finding home in each other, finally creating the life they always wanted but surpassing every difficulty they may have in some future, also bonding their relationship in a new place, etc.

In terms of the ep, I LOVED Bree. She’s radiant with a child, as well as her mother. And how clever she was to get rid of her suitors without sounding impolite, how easy it was to entertain the visitors at dinner (I loved that she talked about psychology :) and her faces of discomfort every time Mr. Forbes was talking to her, she doesn’t give a fuck about him so idk, it was fun and uncomfortable at the same time. For that matter, it reminds me of Claire at a certain point, she is a natural entertainer and super smart when it comes to facing uncomfortable situations.

Also, loved she kept Jamie’s letter with her in every moment, even if she didn’t feel good enough to read it.

LJG

John isn’t one of my favorite characters, but that doesn’t mean I hate him. I didn’t read all the books so I don’t have a formed idea of him at this time. Regarding him in the ep, first: his entrance was super glamorous, omg yas dude!!! We were expecting you.

In addition, I love his relationship with Bree, and seems to be super natural even though they just met. Even if John still loves Jamie, I don’t think that's the only reason he decides to take care of his daughter. I really believe that John, over the years, has appreciated not only Jamie, but the entire Fraser family, and therefore doesn’t hesitate to help when needed.

With this said, throughout the chapter we can also see that the relationship with Bree grows, and he manages to appreciate her more for who she is and empathizes with what she suffered. That's why I loved his decision to be her "fiancé" and help Brianna so Jocasta doesn’t get in the way and marries her with Forbes. I don’t know, I loved their interaction in the books and also in the series.

PS: Who else wants to see Bree and Willie together??? Because I do.

Jocasta/Bree:

I still don’t understand her, Jocasta is still a character that for me is indecipherable, because she’s lovely but at the same time manipulative. The fact that she wants Brianna to get a husband is not only because her son would’ve marked as a bastard, but because she desperately needs River Run to have an heir, and as she couldn’t persuade Jamie, now she goes for Brianna. Fortunately Bree realizes that the proposal is not entirely innocent and wins the game, making her believe that she is really going to marry John.

Jamie/Claire:

My heart breaks with every scene in which Jamie appears. Sorry, but please look at him, he's completely regretful, sad, ashamed, jealous, feels he has no one on his side and can’t wait to find Roger and take him with Bree. This man loves his daughter so much he would do anything for her, and at the same time feels he can’t be good enough.

And Claire doesn’t realize that, or maybe she does but she doesn’t know how to approach him. She also feels remorse for not having talked about Bonnet at the time. But I loved, and I'm serious, I LOVED their conversation in the tent.

It was so intimate, where they poured all their feelings, fears, confusions that made them distance themselves and finally managed to reconnect. If you don’t like that, well I don’t know what else you expect. Would have I liked another kind of sex scene? Maybe, but the way i see it, that wasn’t the purpose of the scene. Last week I read a lot about why Claire did not say anything, well in this chapter she did it, and beautifully well, so for me it's okay.

Some other things I liked:

Fergus and Marsali back. Another couple that I love and that I can’t wait for them to set up in Fraser's Ridge. It broke my heart to see Fergus rejected in that way, and to see him feel so useless for not having a hand. And I love that Marsali sees that and is such a beautiful wife to convince Murtagh to invite him to join the militia. I think it shows the love they have for each other and that they hold each other's back no matter what. (Also, my beautiful Germain, I want to hold him because…look at him)

Murtagh in action. The truth that was biting my nails while watching the scene because fighting with Bonnet is not easy task and I was afraid of something happening to him. And I need him to be released in the next chapter or I will not be able to sleep till then.

R-O-L-L-O. That dog deserves all the awards. Have you seen how did he find the bones? He’s so cute

Bree painting Phaedre and telling her she’s beautiful

Things I didn’t like:

Jamie being so sad. That’s enough suffering for him.

Roger being hit again and again. Let the man breath for god’s sake. I don’t know if there’s a historical reason for the Mohawks to behave like that but it felt weird.

The short/hurried and fully dressed love scene between J/C

John and the other man having sex in the hall. Awkward.

Anyways, I’m still confused about the writer’s work this season but by no means I hate the show/I’m not exited for next episode, quite the opposite. I hope J/C + Ian will find Roger in the next episode (kind of, I’m not prepared to see Ian go) and return with Bree, so the last episode will be about Bree giving birth and so.

I´d love to see what you think, so if you want to leave a comment, the space is all yours!

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moddux2 · 5 years

Text

Final post I will be making on this crap since I haven’t made a rant/comment on all this shit since I was asleep, going to do it in one big post and then disregard it.

[cracks fingers]

Okay this is going to be my one and only final post on the issue because holy shit what little bit of reasonable “hear out what they’re saying” has ran dry and i’ve had a good night sleep.

I woke up, read some stuff and am 200% done with this shit.

https://rhysing-oc.tumblr.com/post/183297862370/hey-if-yall-are-minors-or-have-minor-characters

-only slightly valid point in here is me not marking things on a blog that has (18+) in the description at the top of the page.. I’ll give you that one, the rest though?

https://rhysing-oc.tumblr.com/post/183301207595/alright-yall-listen-up

-this makes my head cave in, you make a post calling me one of the most disgusting things on this planet... and then say “stop it” when people send death threats and suicide bait? Get the fuck off your non-existent moral high ground you asshat.

https://rhysing-oc.tumblr.com/post/183301289215/hey-theoriginalknightverse-you-wanna-do-this

-I was asleep when this was made so i’m reading this on the spot. I don’t think/know if i’ve ever interacted with you prior.

-Second, beginning your shit with “oh i was abused by a pedo when i was a child” is a terrible thing to hear but doesn’t make you any more or less qualified to talk about something so why bring it up at all? If not to get “victim points”?

-this catsuit nonsense, me basically saying, hey, you say “nice” and “cute” about art and art styles too, maybe I should throw your own logic back in your face and see how you like it.

- your next part “blah blah blah me good and don’t follow minors”, good for you neither do I, I literally cannot follow any more blogs because my main is pretty much at the follow cap with stupid meme blogs and dead blogs from the pre purge so i don’t know where you’re getting that from.

-your next part with the “they don’t age because dead, forever 13!”, fuck off with that reach, get that weak shit outta here. “Can’t age them up, checkmate!”, counterpoint, They’re aged up, fuck even in the lore of the comic with “paradox space” being a thing there’s a 100% guarantee in the infinite timelines/doomed timelines there’s a one where they’re out there of age, so your argument is bullshit even in universe.

- then you move onto condescending asshat territory again “just make a sfw blog", I make sfw, “not sfw enough, bad” fuck off ya unpleasable twat.

-”flag your blog as adult” - see previous point about (18+)

-” en g a g e your cr i t ic a l thinking” wow you’re a condescending prick.

https://rhysing-oc.tumblr.com/post/183301355625/hey-i-get-what-youre-trying-to-do-but-your-post

-oh boy, ready for disappointment.

https://rhysing-oc.tumblr.com/post/183301797570/rhysing-oc-hey-if-yall-are-minors-or-have

- I am entertained now nevermind.

-Dragging someone else’s blog you have a problem with, nice, unnecessary but nice, glad to see you’re venting everything.

-image link 1 and image link 2, not my art and I expect that you as the moral paragon of the homestuck fandom to bring down retribution on the two blogs i found those from also you beacon of just purity.

-image link 3... it broke me.

... Ya’ll are stupid, Moddux isn’t a minor, even a cursory glance at my blog for more than three seconds could have shown that. This, this is the point I actually realized you don’t give a shit about evidence and stopped taking you seriously as someone concerned about non-existent things, again, untagged on a blog marked (18+).

- link 4, not my art, link 5, a cheeky little accusation of “transphobia thrown at me” ;) you shouldn’t have you sly dog you.

link 5, actually my art, and was requested by a different blog, and within tumblr’s terms and conditions. also a casual “himself” throwing out genders on people you don’t know, very rude~.

link 6, I cannot defend myself on this one, sorry everyone, Terezi should be even bigger and I should have drawn Aradia in there as well, Sorry everyone again... Maybe a Vriska and Feferi flipping the viewer off as Kanaya is doing a handstand?

link 6 part two, you seem to be a progressive type so i’m honestly quite hurt you’re against different female body types, so fucking ruuuuuude.

Point of note, I don’t care when I reblog, my mind is pretty much abscent, i see are and i’m like, neat, reblog, I get drawing prompts and requests from people and i’m like, k, and draw it.

There’s nothing there except meme, shitposting (for the most part) and doing art requests for people that want/ask for it/have a troll description but no art of them, also weird requests because fuckit, i’ve seen the modern internet from its birth to its rapidly approaching slow death.

https://rhysing-oc.tumblr.com/post/183302440860/and-yet-from-those-pictures-linked-none-of-them

-pointing out any problems with previous post ::

- If you can brand people monsters unjustly in a fever of self righteousness and cannot handle when people call you out on, perhaps just do with normal people do, block and move on with with your life instead of throwing hissy fits.

https://rhysing-oc.tumblr.com/post/183302505740/anyway-anyone-else-who-wants-to-come-at-me-can

- “you have no critical thinking”

-shoo

- sounds to me like someone doesn’t like backlash after accusations, but that’s none of my business as i’m blocked.

https://rhysing-oc.tumblr.com/post/183302705580/minor-here-who-saw-them-popping-up-on-my-dash-a

-an anon with a reasonable point of view a reasonable response to feeling uncomfortable with content and that’s fairly impartial and says a reasonable response. And what do you do?

- you make yourself a nice big dose of dopamine right to the head and tickle your ego to justify all this shit, dragging someone’s name through the mud, dragging a bunch of others through the mud just to make yourself feel G O O D that you did it and for no real reason.

https://rhysing-oc.tumblr.com/post/183304003670/if-i-may-ask-youre-not-mad-at-the-artist-that

home stretch.

-tagging post purge on tumblr is FUCKED.

- there was a nice tag where it could all be safely stored but it’s gone because tumblr is FUCKED.

-it would be real nice if... if there was some sort of check box one could tick on one’s blog to put it in a nsfw state where people don’t just stumble onto it all the damn time... oh wait, there was...

“And it was beautiful...”

A few solutions - Bring back the nsfw tag (won’t happen)

Purge all over 18 blo- oh wait... they tried that, it did fuck all except make a ton of content producers leave.

...

purge the under 18′s from the site... Could work but would likely do much like option two.

Long story short, my blog is marked 18+ in the description (which it already is), I’ll think about maybe sprinkling some more tags on content, and other than that... eh... nothing else will really change almost like I was doing nothing wrong to begin with and this is all just a collective waist of everyone’s time for the most part that did nothing but waist time, made you feel good and made a lot of people very disappointed and very cross.

final note, those wanting to keep this fake ass nonsense going, just... don’t, you probably have better things you could be doing with your time, like... anything at all really.

#moddux #the final shitfest post #a good unfiltered rant to put a close to this bullshit #and get back on with my normal content again

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kyulkyungs · 6 years

Text

enemies-to-lovers!renjun

Request: can i please request an enemies-to-lovers story of nct’s renjun? he doesn’t have much aus :(( thank you!!! 💕💗💞💘💓💓(YES I CAN TOTALLY DO THIS!!!!! YOU ARE THE ONE I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR ILYYYYY, but seriously he gets no love and i’m prepared to give him the entire universe)

others: lucas | yuta | jisung | hendery

this guy is your neighbor, you’ve known him for a couple years but have not actually known him???? you feel me???

like, the two of you are familiar faces to each other and you know his name and his family

but you’ve never really interacted beyond that

one thing is is that you don’t want to

because he always has his friends over and they’re so loud and you’re trying to s t u d y and w o r k and w a t c h y o u t u b e

or he’ll be helping his mom garden and stuff but like he’s so messy?

he throws the dirt into your yard somehow and you have to go and scoop it back to where it belongs

you’re sure at this point he’s messing with you because when you shut your blinds or messily throw the dirt back over

his friends either get louder and louder or you’ll even find some pebbles and plant bits on the path or smushed against something

but the biggest thing of all?

there’s a park nearby the neighborhood that you like to go to and a swing set that you love and it’s your favorite thing

however, there’s only one swing...

and he always takes it

the thing is you think he’s purposely and knowingly taking your favorite spot ever

sometimes you think he’s laughing when you see that he’s taken the swing

and it’s not just because that thing is super fun and it’s always in the shade and just the right height no matter how tall you are

unless you’re like an 87 foot man aka johnny

but you love that thing to bits and not only has this kid taken up your time cleaning up your own house after him, having to relocate multiple times in your house to avoid being in a room that’s closer to his, and having to turn your heel and walk like two blocks once you realize the swing has been taken over

not only that but sometimes he even brings his friends there and there’s no way you can get through like 200 guys all sitting in the shade and hogging the tree swing and area near it

the nerve of him he didn’t even realize that he was there for like four hours because when you came back he was still. there.

the one time you had asked him if he could free up the swing he looked at you like you asked him to launch himself into space and never come back

which is kind of what you wanted him to do when he just looked away and said sorry no can do go somewhere else

so you did and walked home and sulked on your bed because dang you just want to swing man it’s not that hard but like....... you love that thing

it’s so closely attached to your childhood and the shade feels nice and the wind in your hair where you get higher up from the ground......... nothing can beat that

except for this guy u G H

one day he had his friends over again

and normally you’d just wait it out until that storm blows over

but not this time when apparently all of his friends were over for a slumber party and probably celebrating something

and with that celebration they were oh so loud from like 5pm to whatever it was in the forbidden hours of the morning where no sounds should be disturbing your precious sleep

but there you were holding a pillow over your head and using your blankets as the ultimate cocoon around you to try to block out whatever sound possible

but it seemed that everything you did was useless and they got even louder somehow when you covered yourself

you have half a mind to call the cops and stuff but you’re just like nope nope i’ll just go swing my worries away

you know for sure that it’s a safe neighborhood after living there for a long time and plus it’s super late who would be around?

so you go in your pajamas and bring a coat with you just in case and the second you step out of the house you can hear the boys at a greater volume than before

they all sound so joyful and are laughing a lot and you’d be fine with it any other time............ but they’ve messed so badly with your sleep and you’re up to here with it all

you’re about to turn and head for the park until you hear the loud noises of the house get louder and someone inside go

‘hey, let’s go to the park! we can run around more there so my parents don’t get mad’

and you’re like noooo oh no these guys are NOT gonna go there

so you march up to his door and when it swings open you see your neighbor with a bunch of his friends behind him

and renjun looks at you and freezes because oh my he was not expecting you right there at his door his neighbor that he doesn’t even know the name of

but also????

you look kind of................ cute.........

with your messy hair and grouchy face and kinda pouty lip and oh gosh those pajamas are...........

and you realize what he’s looking at and you’re like

aSDGKNFG LEAVE MY FLUFFY DUCK PAJAMAS ALONE THEY’RE COMFY OKAY

but renjun snaps back into the world and is awkwardly like

ohhh sorry.... are we being too loud?? we’re going to the park-

and you cut him off like no bucko, i’m going to the park

and he’s kind of confused like uh???? what???

‘‘i’m going to the park’

and he’s confused like

‘we can go together????’

and you start making a bunch of frustrated noises trying to bring coherent thoughts together at like 3am and he doesn’t get it until you start swinging your arms around like

oh............

so he cheekily smiles and turns to his friends and is like yknow what how about you stay in, i’ll try to see what’s wrong with my neighbor

and some of them give him a l o o k and others are just fiiine i guess we’ll play another round of mario party 8

and when he shuts the door behind him you hear the chatter of his friends fade away deeper into the house

then your neighbor turns towards you and is like

‘i’ll race you to the swings’

which prompts you to go nonononono i am not giving those up

so you give in to his game and you start sprinting and you can hear his footsteps behind you

little do you know that renjun probably has the full ability to outrun you but he’s purposely pulling back and letting you win this race

when you two near the swingset you make a dive for it and land right on top of it while renjun puts on his biggest ‘awww i lost’ face

but the smile makes it so that you know he really wasn’t that upset about it

‘here since i lost, i’ll push you’ he says and before you can object he’s already behind you and starts gently pushing you while you’re still trying to catch your breath

once you’re stopped heaving he asks ‘why do you like this thing so much anyways? you’re always on it and get kinda upset when you’re not’

you huff and not answer him

he doesn’t mind and just keeps pushing you

‘you give me a lot of trouble, you know that?’ he says after a little while and you swing your legs so that the momentum knocks you into him slightly

but he catches you and pushes again, taking a step back so he doesn’t get knocked completely over

‘trouble? me? you’re the one giving me trouble most of the time’ and you can practically feel the confusion radiating off your neighbor in waves

‘what do you mean?’

you bite your tongue and try not to rant to this guy, because hey at least he seems like a decent person and he’s not being a total jerk to you right now

plus he let you have the swing

begrudgingly you end up spilling some of those pent up feelings you’ve had about his shenanigans and you’re like

‘well first off this swing is wonderful. i’ve grown up with it and it’s never failed to always support me and help me with my problems’

‘ah like a comfort food?’ you nod and then continue

‘second... you’re so messy helping your mom garden i have to clean up so much after you in my own yard’

renjun apologizes but you miss the cheeky grin that comes along with it

i admit that i am a messy gardener, although i’m the one that brought my mom some ripe strawberries’

you gave him a light, joking scoff and clapped your hands twice as a way of saying ‘good job, you did something!’

he pushes you a little harder as a joke, startling you yet it came back to bite him as you fell back into him square in the chest, making him emit an ‘oof’ sound

‘your friends are loud too’ you say after he starts pushing you again

‘yeah, sorry. that’s mainly my fault for inviting them over so much... thanks for not calling the cops on us a bunch of times though’

and make a sarcastic mhm sound and he snickers, gripping the back of your shirt and dragging you backwards

you yelp at the sudden tugging and how far he’s able to get you above the ground and the sudden hard push he delivers

‘you know swinging isn’t supposed to make me feel stressed out!’ you yell out, feeling him continue to push you higher and higher you try to drag your feet into the ground to stop him but he tries regardless

‘well, this is how you’re making me feel!’

‘stRESSED? bUddY If anYthiNg-’

‘no! like i’m soaring!’ you let his words sink in for a second and then when you ask him what he means he continues his yelling out

‘i actually think you’re really cute! sometimes i’d throw dirt over on purpose to get you to come out but you always do when i go inside! other than that i’m legitimately messy.......’

you snort at his quieter statement

‘and i always have my friends over in hopes that you’d come over to tell us to quiet down and i could smoothly invite you to hang out with us, like in the shows!’

you can feel the cold wind much better on your cheeks than before, the speed of the swing stayed the same

your cheeks were just beginning to grow red

‘or my friends could dare me to go over to your house and talk with you but they never once mentioned you!’ you turned your head and saw him pouting and throwing his arms around

he honestly looked super adorable doing that

when he saw you looking at him he stopped the swing and held you in place, speaking into your ear softly now

‘and i kept stealing the swing because i knew you were always there and i hoped you’d come over to talk to me’

you felt red by how close he was to you, with his hands nearly touching yours on the swing

‘yeah i hoped you swung so hard you flew into space to be honest’ you managed to get out, but you squeaked and he chuckled once seeing how flustered you actually were because of him

‘sorry, that’s completely on me’

he moved away and stood in front of you this time, then crouching down and looking up at you while you tried to get your blush down

‘this hasn’t gone the way it does in dramas and movies........’ he admits plainly and honestly

this makes you throw your head back and start cackling because this guy has been acting so weird and has been bugging you because he was interested in you... but he was following romcoms

he smiles up at you in reply, no shame taking over his features

‘if you’re willing to forgive me for playing the really dumb and annoying next-door-neighbor role can i just play the regular-boy-next-door one like i should?’ you manage to calm down and sigh, deciding to let your grudge over the swing go for this cutie

when you nod, his smile turns into an ecstatic grin and he hops up

‘okay! cool! i’m renjun and i’m your neighbor and i think you’re really cute! can i be the one to push you on the swing from now on?’

#elli writes #renjun #nct #nct dream #nct scenarios #nct imagines #nct fluff #nct dream scenarios #nct dream imagines #nct dream fluff #enemies to lovers au #neutral pronouns #fluff

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simul16 · 4 years

Text

Rime of the Frostmaiden Follow-Up

Something that annoys me about the adventure is how blase people are about the situation. "Just another gruesome day in Icewind Dale" says the opening "read this to the players". No it's not! "The tavern is abuzz with talk of"... How can the taverns be abuzz? And how can it be on any topic other than "How are we going to survive the next week". The rest of the adventure reads like this is just a normal, if severe, winter, rather than the apocalypse ( and it IS the apocalypse, albeit a very local one). The locals seem to have an attitude of "Oho! Cold enough for you? Ah you weak southerner". But buddy, you're not surviving this either. I can see how the villages with pop of 100-200 might survive by hunting or ice fishing, but even then: After a year of winter, there should be no more fish: Not because the humans have eaten them all, but because the fish themselves have no food. Hunting and ice fishing is how they weather a normal winter. I was listening to the Dragon Talk podcast and the question of how the bees of Goodmead have survived. This was answered by saying they live in the mead house which is kept heated. And I can see this is how the bees survive a normal winter, but what are they eating? There are no flowers and have not been for 2 years, and yet the bees are not only surviving, they are still producing enough honey to make enough mead to supply the entire region. Even assuming the people of 10 towns are getting food shipped in ( And they're not, more of that later ) or have magical means of food production ( cauldrons of plenty, create food and water, goodberry, which requires a level of casual magic 10 town's doesn't have and I'm not willing to give it ), we're looking at total ecological collapse last year. No more reindeer, fish, moose, crag cats, yetis, gnolls, etc etc. - tolcreator, post on ENWorld.org

My somewhat hasty and casual critique of Icewind Dale: Rime of the Frostmaiden was largely based on the issues I had with the structure of the adventure, with a few nods made toward odd choices in content. Then I read the post quoted above on ENWorld's message boards, and became even more regretful of my decision to purchase the adventure.

The criticisms in tolcreator's post are spot-on: the adventure explicitly states that "the average temperature in Icewind Dale is -49 degrees Fahrenheit (-45 degrees Celsius)" (p.11), and that Auril's ritual "prevents the next day's sun from rising above the horizon, turning midday into twilight and trapping Icewind Dale in winter's dark embrace, with no sunlight or warmth to melt the snow and ice." (p.5) Under these circumstances, no sunlight gets into the lakes to cause plants to grow to feed the fish that the residents of Ten Towns have, up til now, used as the primary staple of their diet. Flowers don't bloom, so the bees of the town of Goodmead, said in a podcast to be living in the meadhouse for warmth, have no place to gather pollen and nectar to feed themselves, much less to allow the residents to produce their normal quantity of fermented honey wine. If this had just recently started going on, it would be a catastrophe in the making, but as the adventure points out that this has been happening "for more than two years" (p.5); adventurers arriving in Ten Towns shouldn't discover adventure, but widespread death and ecological catastrophe.

However, some still try to defend the details of the adventure. A different poster, TheSword, summarizes all the individual responses to tolcreator's original argument:

It's a magical world with magical animals and plants.

While it is true that the Forgotten Realms has much more magic than our Earth, that magic is limited; not everything is magical, and for the most part, magic doesn't really impact peoples' daily lives. Much of the Realms is merely exotic, not outright magical. For example, instead of musk oxen, the people of Ten Towns domesticate axe-beaks, oversized birds like arctic ostriches, as pack animals. The bees of Goodmead aren't magical -- they're normal bees, and the 'knucklehead trout' which are one of the signature beasts of the region also aren't magical, just very large, strong fish.

Not to mention that if there was a magical grain that could grow in the near absence of sunlight and in devastatingly low temperatures, a great deal of what we'd think of as the horror of Icewind Dale's predicament disappears -- if the people have the means of surviving in this 'eternal winter', just as they did before, then there's not really much point in using the 'eternal winter' as a means of providing urgency to the PCs actions in the adventure. After all, the people are doing OK.

The ecology of a fantasy world can be better adapted to extremes.

This is true, but trivial. You can just as easily say that some human cultures on Earth have better adapted to extreme ecological conditions, but if you don't explain how this happens, and what impact it has on those cultures, then you're not really saying anything with any signficance. Being able to explain how a culture like the Inuit or the Yanomamo, who dwell in extreme ecological conditions on Earth, are able to survive and even thrive to some degree goes a long way toward explaining the human capacity for adaptation, and helps define the limits of what kinds of cultures humans are capable of creating. Just saying, 'eh, the Inuit survive in the northern climes of Canada, so our culture could do the same' is over-simplistic hand-waving and is arguably untrue -- modern technological culture would likely only survive in the state we know it in by making significant changes to the ecology of northern Canada; without the ability to make those changes, our culture would likely change to much more closely resemble that of the Inuit, simply because environment informs and can even dictate culture and modes of survival.

And again, if the residents of Ten Towns have actually adapted to the eternal winter, what's the rush to resolve the problem?

Druids can help keep ecology alive more than we could expect.

Druidic magic in D&D actually would have a profound impact on a culture's ability to adapt to changing ecological conditions, so bringing up this point is a good one. Unfortunately, the adventure itself presents good reason why this wouldn't be much benefit to Ten Towns. First, in the section on Magic in Ten Towns, the adventure points out that there are no high-level spell casters in Ten Towns, and that one person in a hundred dwelling in Ten Towns is a "friendly druid, priest, or mage". Here's the official census for each of the ten towns:

Bremen = 150

Bryn Shander = 1200

Caer-Dineval = 100

Caer-Konig = 150

Dougan's Hole = 50

Easthaven = 750

Good Mead = 100

Lonelywood = 100

Targos = 1000

Termalaine = 600

Fewer than half the locations in Ten Towns have a population large enough to possess more than one of these special individuals, and while I don't want to get hung up on the 'druid, priest, or mage' description to say that these professions are equally probable, it's pretty clear that some number of places in Ten Towns won't have a druid to assist them.

This is important due to the other factor noted by the adventure: Auril's ritual and its effects have also "heightened rivalries that have simmered for years, turning neighboring towns against one another as competition for resources becomes increasingly intense." (p.19) So even if there is a druid in Easthaven -- a decent bet given their population -- that druid is going to either be disinclined or be persuaded by the powers-that-be in their town to not provide assistance to their rivals, in this case Caer-Dineval and Caer-Konig, either of which is small enough that it might not have a druid of its own.

The biggest problem, though, is that some portion of these druids and priests are going to be servitors of Auril herself, and will not be providing assistance, but rather enforcing the sacrifices that Auril demands of each of the Ten Towns (Sacrifices to Auril, p.21)

Lastly, if there were one or more druids trying steadfastly to maintain the ecology of Icewind Dale in the face of Auril's ritual, you'd think that interacting with and assisting those druids would be part of the adventure, given how fitting such an interaction would be to the adventure's setting and themes. It isn't.

Priests would be expected to support their communities with magic where possible.

This is really just a subset of the previous point -- as noted, many communities won't be large enough to have a priest (though most should have either a priest or a druid), and even those that do likely have a priest or druid of Auril as their representative, which isn't actually going to help. And due to the increased competition for resources, communities without such assistance can't rely on getting it from communities that have it.

Winter stores would exist that would allow people and livestock to survive albeit weakened and in a depleted state.

This is superficially a good point -- after all, cultures have been laying in stores for the winter for generations, even centuries. There should be some reserve that the residents of Ten Towns are tapping to remain alive. And if the crisis had started just a few months before, that would be a reasonable argument to make. After all, when that first winter began, the residents would already have put aside enough supplies to get through the normal expected winter period, with maybe a bit extra just in case of a late thaw. If it was now supposed to be mid-summer after the first such winter, some folks might be out of supplies, while others are just getting down to the last meager scraps they hoarded the previous fall.

The problem is that this disaster has been going on, by word of law, for "over two years". Not only would no one have put aside that many supplies to survive two entire years of winter (it would be a waste of supplies, for one, since some portion of those supplies wouldn't keep and would need to be discarded anyway, plus nobody expected the winter to go on as long as it has, so would not have seen the need), but the first year of perpetual winter would have hurt the production of new supplies to the point where there would be far less to stash to survive the now harsher second winter.

In fact, given this point, it's really hard to justify that some towns, rather than holding a lottery to determine which of their residents they're going to sacrifice to Auril's demands, simply give up a day's worth of food instead -- in a community where food has been at a premium for a couple of years now, surrendering food is not really much different than consigning the most vulnerable in that community to death, not that the adventure spends any time really pondering that justifiably horrifying conclusion.

Icy temperatures would allow food to be preserved far longer than would be expected normally.

This, again, seems like a reasonable argument -- after all, we have refrigeration and the ability to freeze food to preserve it, and the folks in Icewind Dale can take advantage of the climate to freeze food for no additional cost.

The problem here is two-fold: not every food can be effectively preserved by freezing, and once frozen, the food becomes inedible until thawed and/or cooked, which requires more resources than Ten Towns really have.

Many of the Ten Towns rely on fishing as their main source of protein, and fish can be fairly easily prepared and frozen. Root vegetables like carrots or onions also freeze pretty well. But leafy vegetables like lettuce, celery, and even some root vegetables like radishes don't freeze well. Likewise eggs, which separate and can lose nutritional value as their proteins are broken up by ice crystals. Milk and other dairy products also don't keep well frozen, with most sources saying that, if you do plan to freeze dairy, you should use it within a month or discard it. Starches made from grain also don't keep well when frozen, with rice and pasta being prime examples of foods that don't need to be frozen before cooking, and shouldn't be frozen after cooking.

More importantly, frozen foods can't be eaten while frozen; they need to be reheated before being consumed. Otherwise, the body spends significant energy simply heating the frozen food in your stomach to the point where nutrients can be extracted from it, resulting in fewer calories that can be spent on normal activity. (The frozen food also lowers your internal body temperature, increasing your risk of hypothermia.) And, as noted in the adventure itself ("Fuel Sources", p.19), Ten Towns residents have a relative lack of fuel to use to heat themselves and their food, with wood actually being at a premium and most residents of larger towns relying on whale oil purchased from whalers who work the Sea of Moving Ice. Whale oil stoves do exist, but they are roughly the size of camp stoves we see today that use kerosene or other fuel sources; there's really no such thing as a stove like the ones we see in our kitchens that run on whale oil.

Hunting and fishing still exist.

Yes, but the original poster's point is that they probably shouldn't.

Lake ecology is fairly straightforward: Light is absorbed by plants and bacteria which produces both oxygen for breathing creatures like fish as well as food for those creatures to eat. Temperature is also an important factor because most species of lake creature don't have internal temperature regulation systems and live at whatever temperature the water they dwell in happens to be. As noted by the original poster, Auril's ritual both reduces sunlight and lowers temperature, so not only should the fish be driven into deeper water where the temperature stays close to what they need to remain alive (and thus become harder to catch), but the lack of light reduces plant life, which lowers both the amount of food the fish have to eat as well as the amount of oxygen they have to breathe, noting as well that, the deeper you go in a lake, the amount of oxygen dissolved in the water naturally decreases, as light can't penetrate beyond a certain depth of water and thus photosynthesis to create oxygen is impossible.

A few months into the first unnatural winter, and the fisherman would be complaining about smaller catches and having to work harder to get them. Two years into the crisis, and it would be a small miracle when any fish is pulled from even the largest unfrozen lake.

(And don't think that since fish can normally survive a winter beneath the surface of a frozen lake means that the fish in Icewind Dale would get off scot-free; again, fish survive a winter of the surface of a lake being frozen by going into a torpor, using less oxygen, and feeding on the plant life that remains uneaten in the unfrozen portions of the lake. If the winter goes on too long, the plants that are eaten don't grow back and the oxygen vanishes, and all the fish die. This is why even if you solve the temperature issue by, say, presuming that some of the lakes are fed by geothermally heated streams of underground water, the lack of sunlight still dooms the fish to annihilation.)

The winter has not necessarily always been this bad, it could easily have progressed over time.

This argument is mere wishful thinking -- it is directly contradicted by the adventure's text: "This powerful magic prevents the next day's sun from rising above the horizon, turning midday into twilight...with no sun or warmth to melt the snow and ice." (p.5)

I could see where someone might argue that the effects of the sun being so restricted might have progressed since the first time Auril cast the spell, but all indications are that Auril began casting this ritual during Icewind Dale's winter, so while the effect may certainly have gotten worse, it's not as though the region went from spring or mid-summer and slid back into winter slowly -- it simply never emerged from the winter that started "over two years ago". It also belies that simply ending Auril's casting of the ritual will fix everything overnight -- if it took two years for things to get this bad, then it's going to take some significant amount of time even after things return to 'normal' for the ecology of the area to recover, which again isn't covered in the adventure.

It isn't pitch black (the sun just hasn't risen over the horizon so there absolutely is daylight every day, must not very much and not for long).

In a world where daylight is magical, maybe the difference between actually seeing the sun and getting its light filtered though the atmosphere would be a distinction that made no difference (though I suspect such a world would still have some effect from actually having the sun in the sky, particularly if the sun is itself divine). There are two factors that make this unlikely in the Realms, though.

First off, most plant that we consider crops require direct sunlight and cannot thrive without it. Fruiting vegetables (like tomatoes, which already don't grow in Icewind Dale), most varieties of grain, and even rice need large amounts of direct sunlight to thrive. Some root vegetables can grow with lesser amounts of light (and interestingly, those vegetables also tend to be the ones that are most frost-tolerant), so carrots and the like could likely still be cultivated, but they'd be rather sickly and nutrient-poor compared to their counterparts in warmer, sunnier climes. Similarly, lake plants that feed fish also tend to prefer direct sunlight, and grow poorly in indirect light, which again speaks to the point about fishing above.

Second, that Icewind Dale has this sort of behavior during its winter normally (nobody seems to think that having only four hours of light a day is unnatural, just unnatural for how long it's been going on) suggests that Icewind Dale is close enough to the equivalent of the Arctic Circle on Earth that its summers should feature very long days with 20 or so hours of sun, and its plants would have adapted to that kind of environment much more than to the relative lack of sun in the winter (since the plants do much of their growing and reproducing in the summer and thus would adapt to that environment more than to the winter period when they tend to be in torpor).

Temperatures are average in the wilderness not in protected buildings, carefully designed settlements, crags, ravines, pine forests, glacier lees.

I'm not really sure what the point of this comment is supposed to be.

For starters, the adventure already knows the above, and incorporates it into its text, specifically in the 'snowflake rating' of each community's Comfort. A community with three snowflakes in Comfort (like Bryn Shander) can find decent food and drink and warm beds, but "a one snowflake town might have a cold shed or attic where characters can crash for the night, and that's about it." (p.21) The smaller the community, the more likely it is to be a one-snowflake town, despite the 'carefully designed settlements' noted in the comment above.

More to the point, some communities, unwilling to either sacrifice their citizens or their food to Auril's demands, appease her by forbidding the lighting of fires between dusk and dawn (which, remember, is nearly the entire day), and "[a]nyone who dares to light a fire is savagely beaten." (p.21)

Out in the wilderness, though, a crag, ravine, or 'glacier lee' (whatever that is; my Google search returns Lee Glacier in Antarctica, and the images returned for that search are not glaciers, but scree and other geologic formations formed from retreating glaciers) may protect you from the wind, which might help with the "as much as 80 degrees" colder that the temperature can feel due to wind chill, but doesn't do anything to make that location any warmer in an absolute sense. Caves can be warmer than ambient temperature if there's a heat source, such as a geothermal fissure or nest of creatures, but even there the best you're normally going to get is respite from the wind, not from the cold.

Finally the most important argument to my mind. Things are really really bad here, sacrifice to evil gods, cannibalism, mass starvation and horror are not measures of a society thriving. People are suffering from the issues and are on their last legs. They are doomed if the heroes don't act. Don't worry about calculating precisely when this should have happened. It happens when the PCs arrive.

This is simply the most cynical and dismissive explanation of all, not least of which because of an odd wrinkle when comparing this adventure to another published hardcover adventure.

The idea that sure, there's a lot of bad stuff that's presumed to have been happening here, but none of it has any real impact on anything until the PCs arrive to do something about it is, at its heart, the most horrifying thing about the adventure. It suggests that having communities form a lottery to determine which of them will be exiled into the wilderness to satisfy a deranged goddess, or savagely beating anyone who dares seek respite from the cold, or any of the other ways in which this society has been warped by the events of Auril's ritual are ultimately meaningless unless a 'hero' is there to note it, give their disapproval, and do something to fix it (specifically, go out and beat up the aforementioned deranged goddess). It posits that the people of Ten Towns are basically powerless to deal with the problem themselves, and in the absence of a 'hero' to deal with it for them, have descended into depravity, madness, and horror, on the verge of no longer being a viable civilization.

It's curious that the adventure should go here, especially given WotC's recent statement affirming that they're trying to achieve greater diversity in D&D. After all, an adventure where a party of adventurers arrive on the scene and violently set things back to 'right' has a not insignificant similarity to a story where a 17-year old takes up weapons, travels to a small Wisconsin town, and shoots people he sees as contributing to unrest there. It's one thing to say that these two things aren't equivalent because the adventure is about heroes and the news event clearly doesn't feature heroism, but that depends on who you ask. If Wizards of the Coast really wants to deal with issues of diversity and human dignity in their role-playing game, they need to do a much better job of not supporting these kinds of narratives in their adventures, rather than just eliminating ability penalties for non-human PC races. (In all honesty, this paragraph probably could and should have been the extent of this article, as it's a very topical issue that highlights deep issues with the very idea of 'heroic narratives', especially in the context of those 'heroes' beating down the 'bad people' and taking their stuff. I honestly couldn't blame someone who found the implications of these narratives disturbing and offensive.)

However, there's also another issue, not as culturally important but arguably more significant to some players' likely experience of the adventure, related to the time in which the adventure takes place. As noted in an early sidebar on "Tendays and Dalereckoning" (p.5), "This adventure is assumed to take place in the winter of 1489 DR or later. The exact date is not important." The problem is that an earlier adventure, Storm King's Thunder, also takes a party of adventurers to Bryn Shander, and that adventure "isn't set at a specific time but is assumed to take place sometime after 1485 DR" (Storm King's Thunder, p.13). On the surface, this wouldn't seem to be a problem, as Storm King's Thunder is assumed to occur 'after 1485', while Auril's ritual would have first been cast sometime during the winter of 1487, giving two years before the actual assumed earliest start of Rime of the Frostmaiden in 1489. However, the tiny section of Rime of the Frostmaiden that deals with Bryn Shander (just five pages) doesn't reference anything about the attack just a few years earlier by frost giants (and nothing in Storm King's Thunder foreshadows Auril's plot save a dim possible connection between Auril and the Ring of Winter, ostensibly why the frost giants are attacking Bryn Shander), and if a DM finishes running his PCs through Storm King's Thunder (as a DM I play with just did) and decides to follow up with Rime, the subtle but significant differences between Storm King's Bryn Shander and Rime's Bryn Shander will be jarring to the players, likely salvageable only through the fact that the PCs those players are running will be different, thus amenable to the idea that the adventure they're now playing takes place significantly after the adventure they just finished, explaining why their previous PCs didn't notice anything amiss about the weather or the behavior of the townsfolk.

Most of these issues aren't insurmountable -- a savvy DM can provide foreshadowing of the events of Rime of the Frostmaiden while running a party through Storm King's Thunder, and one who prefers a more realistic depiction of the climate catastrophe represented by Auril's ritual can shift the time between the first casting of that spell from 'over two years' to just a few months without significant harm. The structure of the adventure itself, though, as with Storm King's Thunder and frankly all the WotC hardcovers, where normal people can't solve problems themselves and must rely on the intervention of self-proclaimed 'heroes' whose activities largely boil down to murdering undesirables and taking their stuff is a harder problem to resolve within the context of what's actually written in the adventures, and arguably makes them problematic on a level that can't really be adapted by any but the most astute and sensitive DM. And if you are that kind of DM, for the money you'd be spending on these adventures, you'll probably be far better off writing your own adventures free of these problematic tropes from the outset rather than having to spend at least as much time and effort untangling them from the so-called 'experts' of D&D adventure and campaign design.

tolcreator's post provides me with yet more reason to regret my purchase of Rime of the Frostmaiden, as well as to discount the well-meaning but ultimately toothless claims by Wizards that they are planning to effectively address issues of diversity and equality within their flagship role-playing game.

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magzoso-tech · 4 years

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New Post has been published on https://magzoso.com/tech/snapchat-spectacles-3-review-pretty-pricey/

Snapchat Spectacles 3 review: Pretty, pricey

No one’s going to pay $380 for decent point-of-view video glasses and some trippy filters. But that’s kind of the point of Snapchat Spectacles 3. They’re merely a stepping stone towards true augmented reality eyewear — a public hardware beta for the Snap Lab R&D team that Apple and Facebook aren’t getting as they tinker in their bunkers.

Still, I hoped for something that could at least unlock the talents of forward-thinking video creators. Yet the unpredictable and uncontrollable AR effects sadly fail to make use of Spectacles‘ fashionable form factor in premium steel. The clunky software requires clips be uploaded for processing and then re-downloaded before you can apply the 10 starter effects like a rainbow landscape filter or a shimmering fantasy falcon. This all makes producing AR content a chore instead of a joy for something only briefly novel.

Spectacles 3 go on sale today for $380 in black ‘Carbon’ or rose gold-ish ‘Mineral’ color schemes on Spectacles.com, Neiman Marcus, and Ron Robinson in the UK, shipping in a week. Announced in August, they’re sunglasses with two stereoscopic lenses capable of capturing depth to produce “3D” photos, and videos you can add AR effects to on your phone. You also get a very nice folds-flat leather USB-C charging case that powers up the glasses four times, and a Google Cardboard-style VR viewer.

“Spectacles 3 is a limited production run. We’re not looking for massive sales here. We’re targeting people who are excited about these effects — creative storytellers” says Matt Hanover of the Snap Lab team.

Gen 1 featured a “toy-like design to get people used to wearing tech on their face”, while Gen 2 and 2.1 had a more subdued look abandoning the coral color schemes to push mainstream adoption. What Gen 3 can’t do is force a $40 million write-off due to poor sales, as V1 did after only shipping 220,000 with hundreds of thousands more gathering dust somewhere. Snap is already losing $227 million per quarter as it scrambles to break even.

So it seems with Spectacles 3 that Snap is gathering data and biding its time, trying to avoid burning too much cash until it can build a version that overlays effects atop a user’s view through the glasses. “We’re still able to get feedback from the customer and inform the future of Spectacles. That’s really the goal for us” Hanover confirms.

His CEO Evan Spiegel agrees, telling me on stage at TechCrunch Disrupt that it would be 10 years until we see augmented reality glasses worthy of mainstream consumer adoption. That’s a long time for an unprofitable company to spend competing to invest in R&D versus cash-rich companies like Facebook and Apple.

tl;dr

Spectacles could be worth the steep $380 if you’re a videographer for a living, perhaps making futuristic social media clips like Karen X Cheng, a creator Snap hired to demonstrate the device’s potential. They’re cool enough looking that you could wear them around Cannes or Coachella without people getting weirded out like they did with Google Glass. And as Snap’s Lens Studio lets anyone build 3D effects for Spectacles 3, perhaps we’ll see some filters and imaginary characters that are more than just a momentary gimmick.

[embedded content]

But for those simply seeking first-person camera glasses, I’d still recommend the Spectacles 2 at $150 to $200 depending on style. The 3D features don’t carry the weight of paying double the price for Spec 3s. And at least the 2nd-gen Specs are waterproof, which make them great for ocean play with fun underwater shooting when you don’t want to risk losing or fizzling your phone.

“We’re testing the price point and the premium aesthetic to see if it lands with this demographic” Hanover says. But Snap’s Director Of Communications Liz Markman notes that “there isn’t this perfect one-to-one overlap with the core Snap users.”

The result is that Spectacles 3 are really more for Snap’s benefit than yours.

Slick Eyewear, Now Where’s The AR?

The Spectacles 3 software is disappointing, but you’ll be delighted when you open the box. Slick black packaging reveal sturdily built metal sunglasses with a luxury matte finish. As they magnetically dislodge from their charging case, you definitely get they sense you’re trying on something futuristic.

The style concurs, with a flat black bar at the top connecting the round lenses with a camera on both corners. Unlike the old Specs that sat right on your nose, feeling heavy at times, Spectacles 3 offers adjustable acetate non-slip nose tips to keep the weight off. All the tech is built discreetly into the hinges and temples without appearing too chunky.

Tap the button either arm, and LED light swooshes in a circle to let people know you’re recording a video for 10 seconds, with multiple presses growing that to up to 60. Tap and hold to shoot a photo, and the light blinks. There’s no obnoxious yellow rubber ring to shout “these are cameras”, and the defused LEDs are more subtle than Gen 2’s dots while remaining an obvious enough signal to passersby so they’re not creepy.

One charge powers up to 70 captures and transfers to your phone over a combined Bluetooth built-in Wifi connection. The 4 gigabyte storage holds up to 100 videos or 1200 photos, and Spectacles 3 even have GPS and GLOSNASS on-board. A 4-mic array picks up audio from others and your own voice, though they’re susceptible to windshear if you’re biking or running.

The magnetically-sealing folding leather USB-C charging case is my favorite part. I wish I could get an even flatter one without a battery in it for my other sunglasses. It’s a huge improvement on the unpocketable bulky triangular case of the previous versions.

A Toy Not Fun Enough For The Price

So far so good, right? But then it comes time to actually see and augment what you shot.

Pairing and syncing is much easier than Gen 1. The glasses forge a Bluetooth connection, then spawn a WiFi network for getting media to your phone faster.

If you just want to share to Snapchat, you’re in luck. Spectacles content posts to Stories or messages in its cool circular format that lets viewers tilt their phones around while always staying full-screen to reveal the edges of your shots. Otherwise, you still have to go through the chore of exporting from Snapchat to your camera roll. Spectacles can at least now export in a variety of croppings for better sharing on Instagram and elsewhere.

What’s new are the 3D photos and videos. They utilize the space between the stereoscopic cameras in the corners of Spectacles employ parallax to sense the depth of a scene. After tapping the 3D button on a photo, you can wiggle the perspective of the image around to almost see around the edges of what you’re looking at. Spectacles will automatically pan back and forth for you, and export 3D photos as short Boomerang-esque six-second videos.

Unfortunately, I found that I didn’t get much sense of depth from most of the 3D photos I shot or saw. It takes a very particular kind of three-dimensional object from the right angle in the right light to much sense of movement from the wiggle. Snapchat’s algorithms also had a bad habit of mistakenly assigning bits of the foreground and background to each other, breaking the illusion. Occasionally you’ll have someone’s ear or their hair left behind and disembodied by the 3D effect.

Don’t expect these to flood social media or convince prospective Spectacles buyers. The 3D selfies you can shoot on Snapchat for free look better anyways.

The biggest problem comes with the delay when playing with 3D videos. Snapchat has to do the depth processing on its servers, so you have to wait for your video to upload, get scanned, and be re-downloaded before you can apply the 3D AR filters. On WiFi that takes about 35 seconds per 10 second video, which is quite a bore. It takes forever over a mobile connection. That means you often won’t be able to apply the filters and see how they look until you’re home and unable to reshoot anything.

The filter set is also limited and haphazard. You can add a 3D bird or balloons around you, wander through golden snow or neon arcs, overlay flower projections or rainbow waves, or sprinkle on sparkles and light-bending blobs. While the bird is cute, and the rainbows and flowers are remarkably psychedelic, none of them are more than briefly entertaining.

The 3D objects often glitch through real pieces of scenery, and you can’t control them at all. No summoning the bird mid-video. My favorite trick, learned from Karen X Cheng, was to export unedited and filtered versions of a video and splice them together on my computer as scene in my demo video above. You can’t actually do that from within Snapchat.

Snap will have to build a lot cooler filters with interactivity if they’re going to compel creators to fork over $380 for Spectacles 3. It could hope to rely on its Lens Studio community platform, but so few developers or users will have the glasses that most will stick to making and using filters for phones.

Spectacles 3 are too expensive to be a toy, but don’t excel at being much more. Videography influencers might enjoy having a pair in their tool bag. But it’s hard to imagine anyone not sharing content professionally paying for the gadget.

[embedded content]

Iteration vs Ideation

“We’re now pushing to elevate the technology and the design to master depth technically” Hanover tells me. “Holing ourselves up within an R&D center for years and years? That’s not our approach. It’s important to meet the customer where they are today and continue to iterate and get that feedback.”

But this iteration doesn’t feel like Snap meeting the customer where they are. That raises the question of whether Snapchat is really getting enough data out of the whole endeavor to justify publicly releasing Spectacles at all. The company will have to hope that testing short-term is worth thinking short-term, when it’s trying to win the long-term war in augmented reality eyewear.

#Uncategorized

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sheminecrafts · 4 years

Text

Snapchat Spectacles 3 review: Pretty, pricey

tl;dr

youtube

But for those simply seeking first-person camera glasses, I’d still recommend the Spectacles 2 at $150 to $200 depending on style which remain available. The 3D features don’t carry the weight of paying double the price for Spec 3s. And at least the 2nd-gen Specs are waterproof, which make them great for ocean play with fun underwater shooting when you don’t want to risk losing or fizzling your phone.

The result is that Spectacles 3 are really more for Snap’s benefit than yours.

Slick Eyewear, Now Where’s The AR?

A Toy Not Fun Enough For The Price

So far so good, right? But then it comes time to actually see and augment what you shot.

Pairing and syncing is much easier than Gen 1. The glasses forge a Bluetooth connection, then spawn a WiFi network for getting media to your phone faster.

Don’t expect these to flood social media or convince prospective Spectacles buyers. The 3D selfies you can shoot on Snapchat for free look better anyways.

One extra feature the team is working on is to let you see a special colored light flash on the glasses’ internal recording-on signal to alert you to incoming Snaps from certain friends. If that’s popular, would Snap try giving us more notifications through that light? Hanover says “potentially in the future.”

youtube

Iteration vs Ideation

from iraidajzsmmwtv https://ift.tt/2KcBlWS via IFTTT

#IFTTT #iraidajzsmmwtv

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technicalsolutions88 · 4 years

Link

tl;dr

The result is that Spectacles 3 are really more for Snap’s benefit than yours.

Slick Eyewear, Now Where’s The AR?

A Toy Not Fun Enough For The Price

So far so good, right? But then it comes time to actually see and augment what you shot.

Pairing and syncing is much easier than Gen 1. The glasses forge a Bluetooth connection, then spawn a WiFi network for getting media to your phone faster.

Don’t expect these to flood social media or convince prospective Spectacles buyers. The 3D selfies you can shoot on Snapchat for free look better anyways.

Iteration vs Ideation

from Social – TechCrunch https://ift.tt/34Pxas3 Original Content From: https://techcrunch.com

#Technical Solutions #SEO #Online Earning #Youtube Marketing #Android Developer

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ecotone99 · 5 years

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[MF]In the Shape of the Big Dipper

Celine had eyed me curiously while I paid for our lunch at the little grille we found in Charleston. I did spend a lot of money that day, but Celine acted like I was a drug lord or at the pink Caddy level of a pyramid scheme. I simply paid cash to keep better track of my spending, that’s all. Money, much like life, doesn’t last. You can’t keep either, so you must learn to spend both the way you want. I never had a red cent to theorize about until recently, much less a fortune of dirty money to move twelve hours away to avoid confronting. Here I was, though, hiding out in the boonies with nursing students, numbing myself with crab cakes and sweet grass baskets. Trusting Celine wasn’t the hard part— she was a good, Christian girl who didn’t believe in strangers, white shoes after Labor Day, or mole people. The problem was I hadn’t told anyone the truth yet— my parents are thrilled; they think I left to go to school. School is a joke, but I enjoy the curriculum and making my folks happy. I owed them that much; they left the beauty of Palermo, the Catholic Church, and the 20th century behind for me. My ex-fiancé, Rob, was just fine with it. He doesn’t know that I know he had an affair and isn’t so excited I’m moving on to bigger and better things. He screws his next-door neighbor every Saturday, the 35-year-old named Judy, with a hideous affinity for vintage bobble head Dobermans and flesh colored lipstick. His mother told me on my way in the night I left, told me I needed to kick the little bastard to the curb, so I obliged her. She was a wonderful mother.

As important as they all were, I didn’t belong to the Maple Street gang anymore. Diana was the catalyst to my new life. We got to know each other during her monthly check-ups. She

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was a patient of Dr. Hales, a sweet old man who’d traded Scarsdale balloon boobies, expressionless faces, and ski-slope noses for his beach house. Diana’s favorite thing was to make me uncomfortable, and if she could encourage my wild side, all the better. She often brought me coffee, offered me cocaine a time or two, and told Dr. H he wasn’t paying me enough every time she visited.

After Celine went home, I had some time to myself, so I began to tell myself the truth. Diana had come into the office for a checkup, after which I relented to a long-standing rain check to visit her apartment. She was a fine thief, something she had no doubt spent a long time perfecting, but I worked with the public.

“Please don’t steal the magazines,” I urged her.

“I paid for these, baby, this doctor charges me $500 just to talk,” Diana said.

“Well, they’re going to ask me what happened to them—I’ll be responsible for replacing them.”

“No, not okay, that’s arrogant and unfair. You’re just a kid and cannot possibly be expected to answer the phone, file papers, take a lunch break, then do the same thing until 5 o’clock while corralling unruly patients.”

“Are you making fun of me? I’m not stupid. I choose to be here and interact with the unruly patients, do my job, and find time to craft 200 Christmas cards by hand.”

“Big shit, I bet you never made a croquembouche while glancing up to make sure Pierre’s boogers didn’t fall into your nearly burning glaze.”

Page 3

“Is Pierre your boss?” I asked.

“Nobody has ever had that displeasure—he was my mentor and my friend. He died when AIDs had us all too scared to swap spit with anyone but WASPS.” Diana answered.

“The Princess of Wales wasn’t afraid. Have you seen Dallas Buyer’s Club?”.

“No, I refuse to see Matthew McConaughey in such a state.”

“It was pretty graphic—what are you always seeing Dr. Hales about anyway?”.

“That’s for me to suffer through and you to look at later when I leave, and you file it away.”

“I can’t look at your medical records, they’re all online now.”

“All the juicy stuff is. Since we’re doing personal questions, how long have you been married?”.

“I’m not, well, I hope he proposes soon. We’ve been together for a year, and I do everything I can to make him happy. He just seems so disinterested in me these days; I’m not really sure what to do if he doesn’t.”

“You’re making 200 Christmas cards and have no husband? You never fail to disappoint me, Greta. Come have a drink and read this Cosmo I’m taking home. You’ve been avoiding my invitation for years.”

I took a cab with Diana back to Manhattan after her appointment while my conscious and Changes by 2Pac blared in my head. We pulled up to a gorgeous brownstone that smelled like leather and rain. The first floor was all tile hallways lined in thick, pastel rugs with shiny, mahogany stairs-- her actual house was the next story up. Once we got in there, I sat down with my pack of smokes and decided I was going to stay for an hour, have a drink, and take 1 aspirin when I got home.

Page 4

Once I was settled, I rammed the business end of my flip-top box into the leg of Diana’s white director’s chair. I inadvertently bounced my curls and breasts, the latter nearly out of my shirt. I flipped the first cigarette I touched upside down, placing it back inside to pick another one, just like Pop- pop showed me. Diana noticed my ritual and nodded in approval.

“What’s up D?” I asked, sucking out my first draw.

“Well first, nice tits. Second, your options are now a sex lesson from me instead of the daft editors at Cosmopolitan or the greatest adventure of your young life.” Diana said.

“What’s more interesting than sex?” I responded, carefully tugging up my dress.

“Stamp collectors, the price of bananas, warts.” Diana said.

She walked over to the left of her living space, squinting to see the sunset out of the bright stained-glass window.

“I’m disappointed you didn’t pick the second option, Greta.”

“I don’t need another adventure, D. I’m already uncomfortable.”

“Your coming here is part of it, so just calm down. You won’t have to actually do much more, sweets.” Diana cooed.

“That croak in a bush thing you mentioned earlier sure sounded interesting.” I said as I surveyed her true crime selection. I noticed most were stolen library books, which seemed overly fitting.

Page 5

“You need professional help. Maybe this was a mistake.” Diana said.

“I don’t mean to be rude--I joke when I’m nervous.” I was enjoying myself more than I thought, but it was getting late. I’d had enough of deciphering these interactions for one day.

“I brought you here to give you something.” Diana turned on her heels and walked over to me. “Something I would give to my kid, save only for two facts: I cannot track him down, and I don’t have enough time to track him down. Either way, it will get passed on just as I received it: from strangers.

“You have a kid?” I asked.

“Yes, and I left him just like my parents left me, no family and no explanation but lots and lots of dough. Any more questions?” she said.

“Not right now. Except maybe for what exactly you want to give me?” I asked.

“More than you bargained for.” Diana said as she walked back to her window. She was squinting harder now, to see the stars through the thick smog.

I had worried when I got there that she was either going to kill me or seduce me. Although I think she could have easily done one, and certainly managed either, Diana didn’t bother me again until 2 days later: the Sunday after my visit to her, when I picked up the Times. She was dangling from a gaping hole where that stained-glass window had been, for all the world to see. No cat eyeliner, no hair, and wearing a suit. The glass on the ground below her had shattered in the shape of the Big Dipper.

Page 6

I excused myself from my parent’s breakfast table, taking page 6 and a lox bagel with me to my room. I wondered about a lot for the rest of the day, but the most unsettling of my ponders was the way D had looked. I knew she probably hadn’t started off as a lady, but I figured her masculine days had to have been far behind enough to disregard. I guess it made sense we got along, I was a sucker for complicated men.

I arrived early to work on Monday. Dr. Hales was also surprised that she’d killed herself, although he did admit he was not a psychiatrist. He’d spent Sunday much the same way I did as he had known her for a long time. Apparently, Diana used to be a Mr. David Dawson; her transition required hormone therapy when those medicines were not yet regulated. They caused a rare and aggressive cancer that would have killed her no later than Valentine’s Day. Dr. Hales was trying to reverse her damage, begging her to do chemo, but D had insisted on more hormones: male ones. My best guess was that D had too many regrets about transitioning, perhaps because it made her so sick. When it didn’t work, she killed herself. This was what I resigned myself to believe, and it made me feel better as well as it explained her strange behavior every step of the way.

For the first few weeks after D’s death, I worried about being questioned. I was the last one there, surely someone else knew that. The papers even called it a most unusual suicide, updating the public every so often on the charismatic chef who’d met a gruesome end before they eventually began to lose interest. On St. Patrick’s Day, I got a call from a guy who told me he was a lawyer who wanted me to meet him outside of Bay Ridge about a patient of Dr. Hales. He wouldn’t give any details, but I knew who it was about. Worst case scenario it was a setup to

Page 7

interrogate me about D’s death, best case it was information about her that further explained my narrative. I decided I would make an appearance, no matter how it shook out.

Finally, after 3 hours in gridlock, I arrived at a small, but clean hotel. The concierge handed me two credit card style keys. They unlocked the door to room 340, where I found no lawyer and no cops, but a short letter accompanied by a bank card, checkbook, and briefcase. The letter is where I learned of the more-than-I’d bargained-for gift D had set me up with.

Dear Ms. Cannuciari,

We thank you for your assistance in the removal of D.D., simply some of the most extraordinary work we have seen. He was our most beloved detective, but the betrayal we experienced was far too great. The sum is broken down into 1 million USD in $100 bills, which are lining the briefcase. A secure account with our financial institution will house the remaining 76 million USD until either the day you die or the day you speak of our transaction to anyone, for any reason. Mr. Dawson chose the option that’s no longer available, which is to have your genitals cut cleanly off with a Jian--we greatly implore that you do not Google that.

Thank you again, madam. We do hope you will work with us again sometime.

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