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freed-justine-my-wife · 24 days

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Thunder legion hcs but some of them get weirdly specific bc i think abt them too much

(Part 1??)

- Originally Bickslow and Freed lived together as roommates, Evergreen lived in fairy hills and Laxus had his own penthouse. When Fairy Tail disbanded they began living together while they were in Blue Pegasus as it was just easier, and they never stopped (im running off the hc that theyre all living together for most of these)

- Freed is the cook of the raijin tribe, they used to have a cooking rotor but it slowly became just Freed cooking every night

- Evergreen CAN cook basic meals but hates doing it so just, wont. Back when there was a schedule she asked Freed to do it instead and he usually agreed because he enjoys cooking

- Bickslow also can cook, but likes to experiment quite heavily and will not be convinced to make a normal meal. Got banned from cooking after he served shrimp pasta with ice cream

- Laxus can cook you a damn good grilled cheese, but thats it. Only cooks when people are feeling like grilled cheese

- Bickslow is a painter, not-quite Reedus level but still good, they like to paint from the imagination more than from reference which ends in very interesting (and only mildly disturbing) pieces

- Evergreen likes to garden, its something she started when she was young because her mother told her fairies like to care for nature. Their apartment is filled with various plants that she keeps and cares for, and while she could use magic to help them grow she prefers doing it by hand

- Freed enjoys playing a lot of musical instruments, hes best at violin and has been playing since quite young along with piano, but can also play gutair and bass as of more recently. Also has a collection of books in the apartment, originally all stored in his room before he ran out of space

- They have a schedule of getting up at about 7am at the latest most days, its not heavily enforced day to day but they stick to it on missions, if not getting up even earlier depending on the job

- Off-mission though? Nobody is actually getting up at 7am. Bickslow doesnt have a set time to wake but tends to actually be an early riser, he enjoys the mornings so he usually gets up a bit before 7, occasionally to do some painting or stretch ect

- Freed wakes up at 6am sharp and gets straight out of bed, no yawning or stretching or anything just stands up and walks away

- he is also the one attempting to enforce the 7am rule (sorry king) but bickslow usually joins in if only to annoy people

- Evergreen prefers to sleep in a bit more where possible, usually till half 8 or 9 if she can get away with it, then spends way to long in the bathroom doing her hair, makeup, and picking an outfit

- Laxus normally gets up at 10 and is impossible to wake before that, youd have to kick him awake and hes still grumpy afterwards

- Freed is French (I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL) and comes from a military background, specifically a noble house that specialised in military trading and training in France (i have an entire backstory mapped out for this freak if anyones interested drop me an ask)

- Bickslow grew up in the circus, hes always been naturally flexible but its where he honed that ability as well as learning some acrobatics, however it burned down when he was a teenager and the puppets (“babies”) he keeps around are the result of friends who died in that fire

- Evergreen is Scottish and grew up mostly raised by a single mother, her father was around for a few years but was generally a horrible man, a drinker and abuser who eventually left her mother alone. She also has a brother a few years younger than her who she helped to raise and is still close to

- Freed is the tactician of the thunder legion, comes along with being a leader but hes usually the one coming up with the plans

- Speaking of, hes someone who prefers to have a plan before a fight where possible, particularly as his magic is one where its difficult to construct quickly, especially if he wants a high powered jutsu shiki. So while he can think quickly on his feet hed rather have a plan mapped out

- Evergreen is the one who’s best at thinking quickly, if they end up in a situation where a snap decision needs to be made shes confident enough to make it and order her teammates around without second guessing herself

- They also all understand the importance of teamwork and its the main reason they’re so effective (as seen in the battle of fairy tail) their close bond allows them to work extremely well together, even if they tend to argue sometimes

- When Bickslow dislikes someone they have a habit of showing it on his face, usually by pulling a disgusted expression

- Ever does this too in a more subtle way, usually exchanging a glance with one of the thunder legion if shes not liking what somebodies saying. She WILL be gossiping about it later

- If Freeds not interested in a conversation he just silently walks away when youre not looking, people have gone 10 minutes before noticing hes left before

- Laxus just leaves mid-sentence though, doesn’t even think about it just walks away

- None of them can drive anywhere for various reasons, Laxus obviously gets extremely motion sick so is out for the count right off the bat

- Bickslow was banned due to being deemed “a danger to himself and others” after he got too many speeding tickets and crashed the car into a postbox

- Evergreen literally applies makeup while driving, shes blasting the radio while doing lipstick without looking at the road and its terrifying

- Freed is who people THINK would be the most responsible driver, and while he’ll get you to your destination safely, he also has a bad habit of ignoring the speed limit and accidentally running red lights. Unlike Bickslow however hes somehow managed to avoid getting any tickets

#fairy tail #fairy tail headcanons #fairy tail freed #freed justine #fairy tail evergreen #evergreen #fairy tail bickslow #bickslow #fairy tail laxus #laxus dreyar #thunder legion #raijinshuu #raijin tribe #thunder legion hcs #long post #why was this so long hello?#thats what she said #i literally have so many more of these boo i feel so cringe #did i proof-read this? no. its 5am and i havent slept just pretend this ones a banger guys

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redbleedingrose · 1 year

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okay hear me out, u and lucien r in love. mates if you will. everyone knows it apart from the two of you - in fact u find each other so excessively obnoxious even though there isnt any serious reason for it. you argue and tease and fight constantly, but you also bring each other so much genuine laughter and being in the same vicinity as him - and him as you - immediately calms and relaxes each other. even if it leads to play fighting. youre both so content with the dynamic you have going on that even when you get jealous of elain looking at him for a moment too long, or when he gets irritated by you giving azriel a hug when youre upset, neither of you move to do anything - rather you choose to ignore it. at least until you get hurt and lucien quite literally goes berserk bc he doesnt know if youre okay or not and then and only then does he decide that his feelings, whatever they are, definitely cannot be ignored.

DAMN I JUST KEPT GOING IM SORRY- i j needed to share with SOMEONE its been eating me alive i stg

OH MY GOD?!?!?!?!

Tell me why this ask had my heart pitter pattering in my chest!!??!!!

No because you and Lucien are SOOO annoying!!!

It is literally so obvious to everyone except you two.

And I mean everyone.

Even Lucien's favorite little babes, Marwa and Twila have asked their mama, Lucien's favorite sister in law, if Uncle Luc is gonna marry their favorite Auntie (who happens to be one of Mama's best friends), in front of Uncle Luc and their papa.

Eris cackled at his babes, picking them up, squeezing them into his chest, and pressing kisses into their chubby cheeks, sending a mocking wink to Lucien who rolls his eyes because why the hell does everyone think you and him are in love??

You just hang out together sometimes...

all the time

Okay so it started off innocently. In honest truth, Lucien didn't even like you at first. He watched with envy as Marwa and Twila ran towards you instead of him to capture you in a hug that nearly knocked you over.

They are supposed to be his nieces??? They are supposed to run to him???? What the fuck is so good and exciting about you, besides the fact you are stunningly beautiful???

So Lucien, ever the courtier, struts over to you, and introduces himself, finally catching your name.

It suits you, he thinks to himself

And as dinner is served, he finds himself seated next to you... so obviously he has to keep the conversation going because he is a gentle-male??? And that is the polite thing to do...

Definitely Not because he wants to know more about you.

And you know when you meet someone and you have this wrong initial first impression, but as you continue to talk to them, your entire perception becomes warped?

That is how poor Lucien felt

You talked the entire night, teasing each other left and right, picking fights just to see the other get flustered.

Anytime either of you walked off to talk to someone else, one of you would ineviteably end up drifting back to them to continue the teasing conversation where you left off

And that night...

It was the beginning of a beautiful, wondrous friendship. situationship

One that Lucien cherishes, one that he never wants to mess up or let go of. your friendship situationship is easy. It is comfortable. Him softly tossing you onto the couch, you gently yanking at his hair, him pushing your shoulder as you walk together, you kicking at his feet under the dinner table. Your obnoxious teasing settles him, it settles his heart. It is so easy for you two. It is easy for Lucien. And it is easy for you. Because it is never serious, only playful. Because you don't cross each others boundaries. Because outside of the play fighting has been deep conversations that have delved into your trauma and his trauma. Because outside of the play fighting, you understand each other. Your situationship is easy because Lucien feel genuine peace around you... peace that he hasn't felt since Jesminda

From the outside, it is so clear that he is down bad for you.

Because when you aren't teasing him, he is gazing at you with the biggest puppy dog eyes, begging for your attention.

Because when you aren't kicking at his feet under the dinner table due to you being too engrossed in your conversation with Azriel, his cheeks become ruddy with frustration and he cannot control the scowl that tightens the muscles in his face

And gods, you don't spare a glance at him when he nudges your shin, trying to grab your attention.

Part of him knows this is just a tactic to mess with him.

And it shouldn't mess with him...

But it does

He huffs, focusing on the glass of whiskey in his hand, turning it up to swallow in one gulp, allowing the sweet burn to distract him.

But if that is how it is... if that is how you want it to be... if Azriel is the one who makes you this intrigued, if he makes you that happy... then who is he to stand in the way? You are only friends? All Lucien knows is that he doesn't want to lose you. The best thing that has happened to him in his entire lifetime.

So if that means he has to let his jealousy fester, find peace with you and Azriel talking, then that is what he will do.

Gods, you are just talking to him. It is not even that serious, Lucien thinks to himself, irrate with the shadowsinger's uncanny ability to make you giggle.

"Hello Lucien," a soft gentle voice reluctantly pulls Lucien's gaze away from you

Elain.

He half-heartedly continues the conversation with the female, letting her fill his glass with two fingers of whiskey malt.

And thats how the night continues...

He talks to Elain, letting her stare at him unabashedly.

He smirks to himself when he feels a soft nudge at his foot halfway through the night, turning his entire body towards Elain and nodding to whatever speech she was giving about the flora she was cultivating in the garden of Rhys and Feyre's home.

Because two can play it that game

And you feel a sharp stab at your heart when Lucien ignores you, feeling a bit sorry for your earlier teasings, now that the tables were turned on you.

And you know that this is probably Lucien giving you what he got, finally getting his chance to annoy you this evening

But from where you are sitting...

He looks like he is enjoying himself.

Returning smiles at Elain's shameless staring, nodding to her rambling, adding his own anecdotes in a soft voice.

A soft voice he never used with you

So what if he is enjoying himself?? So what if he likes Elain?? So what if he talks to her... and touches her... and kisses her

Ugh, you are only friends with Lucien. You have no right to feel the way you feel right now.

Seething with jealousy

Frustrated that Lucien is winning at your own game

So when Morr asks you to accompany her to Rita's tonight, you don't turn down the offer.

Even though you are supposed to return with Lucien to Autumn tonight to watch Marwa and Twila while Eris and his wife have a private night at their seaside cottage.

Lucien's head snaps towards you, almost giving himself whiplash in the process as he glares holes into the back of your head as you pull on your burgandy coat

Part of him wants to take you by the arm, and drag you home, tired of the games you both were playing tonight. But he didn't. He didn't call out your name to stop you. He didn't drag you home like he wanted to. He didn't stop you. He let you go. He let you walk out.

A fact that has the male wanting to burn himself alive a couple of hours later, when Morr winnows back carrying your passed out form in her arms, yelling at the top of her lungs for a healer as blood seeps out of a gash on your forehead

He moves so fast towards where Morr is holding you, she flinches at his sudden appearance, her grip on you loosening as he reaches and craddles you into his chest as Rhys winnows in with Majda, who demands the youngest Autumn heir to set you down onto the couch.

He is panicking, heart racing, head spinning, everything that is being said at him is fading into a background of ringing in his ears.

He stares, nauseous, as Majda begins her work, snapping himself out of his stupor as rage fills him.

Who dare hurt you? Who dare touch you?

The urge to vomit the bile that has risen in his throat only enhances as he hears a soft moan of pain pass between your lips, still unconicous to your surroundings

He turns towards Morr, who is staring helplessly at your form, all his rage suddenly directed towards her.

How dare she let this happen to you?

He is in total disarray, there is not controlling his emotions right now. Lucien yanks Morr towards him, not enough to hurt her, but enough to direct her attention to him, Azriel charging to pull her away, but not before Lucien can scream, "What the fuck happened to her?"

The poor female bursts into tears, resting her head on Luciens chest, "I don't know... I only left her for a moment... Oh gods, I am so sorry."

Regret floods through Lucien as Morr cries into his chest, and he moves to wrap his arms around her in a hug, rubbing at her shoulder until she is calm enough to pull away

But his thoughts aren't on Morr.

His regret isn't felt at yelling at Morr.

His regret is directed at you.

You. His best friend. His favorite being in the entire world. His favorite being to ever exist. He was the one who let you go. He was the one who didn't come to find you after you left, even though it had gotten too late into the night. He was the one who made you leave in the first place.

And in that moment. In that moment, he realized that he couldn't do this anymore.

The holding back. The fear of losing you if he tried to be anything more with you.

Because what if he loses you tonight? What if he loses you without telling you how he feels about you?

So when Majda is done, and she informs Lucien that you will be just fine with some rest, that your wound was only surface level and did not result in a concusion... he waited

He waited next to you, holding your hand throughout the night, resting his head right next to yours as you slept, letting one of his fingers trace your nose and lips before pressing a soft kiss onto your forehead, begging Mother above to have you wake up before his courage wears out

When you wake the next morning from snores coming from the fae right next to you, you find Lucien's long hair is practically in your mouth.

You grin, pushing his head slightly, jerking back when his head snaps up, glancing around, eyes wild.

A belly laugh erupts, "Oh Gods Luc, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you that bad."

And Lucien just stares down at you, incredulous that you are seriously playing games right now. After what happened last night.

You pause at Lucien's silence, awaiting his scolding for waking him up this early and so abruptly, but he just stares down at you.

"What the fuck happened last night?" he practically growls, unamused by your teasing

And then it all comes back. Slamming into you.

The male next to you. His nose had started bleeding perfusly. Like seriously, it was insane. And the sight of the blood dripping down his nose and onto his shirt had you feeling whoozy.

And the next thing you know...

You're waking up to Lucien's mane in your face.

Oh Gods, you must've fucking passed out and hit your head against the table when you fell.

Your entire face and neck flushes as you stare back at Lucien, not knowing how to respond without sounding like a complete fool.

You try coming up with an excuse, but your brain is still foggy from the slam against the table, and you are coming up empty.

So you lay there... gaping up at Lucien.

Totally not noticing the way the sun is making his golden skin glow... Totally not noticing the way his hair looks lucious for someone who slept in a slumped position the entire night... Totally not noticing his pink lips being so close to yours, that if you lean up, you could absolutely steal a kiss...

"Uhh.."

Thank the mother above Lucien doesn't let you finish, "I love you."

The words take a moment to register.

The initial feeling of thanks you were giving to Lucien for not forcing you to tell him how you made a complete fool of yourself is replaced with shock.

You were stunned.

The female was too stunned to speak. Literally.

"I have loved you since the moment I met you. And I can't believe I waited this long to tell you. But I was afraid. I was afraid of losing you. But Gods, I almost lost you last night. And mother, if I had?? I don't think I would be able to live with myself. I wouldn't be able to live without you. You are my drive. You are my hope. My reason to get up in the morning. My reason to live. I love you. I love you. I love you."

His speech comes out fast.

But you catch every word. And you hold it close to your heart.

And then you feel it. And so does he. A bond. A golden thread coming to life between you two. A thread that ties your hearts together, humming at the unbrideled joy you are feeling.

You shut your eyes, savoring this moment. Wanting to live in it forever.

"Are you okay, sweets?" Lucien asks you in such a soft, gentle voice, his hand coming to rub at your hair, pointedly avoiding the stitches.

A singular tear slips down your cheek, hot and fast, "I am perfect Luc. And I fucking love you too."

You push yourself up, your face a centimeter from his, staring into his amber eyes, his mouth wide open in shock. Your tongue slips out, licking at his upper lip.

A gasp barely escapes from his lips as he slides his arms around your waist, and you are fully pressing your lips into his.

Anyway... you tell Lucien what happened last night a couple hours after he fucks your brains out. And he cackles at you. For like ten minutes. To the point his entire face has gone red because he cannot breathe. As you lay there with your arms crossed grumpily across your chest, glaring at him for laughing at you.

Don't worry though, he gives you six orgasms in apology

At least it makes for a good story, and explaination, for when you go both go home to a pissed off Eris and his clearly amused wife.

And it has his favorite babes, Marwa and Twila, screaming at the top of their lungs that they are gonna be flower girls for Uncle Luc's mating ceremony with their favorite Auntie.

#lucien vanserra x reader #lucien x reader #marwa and twila #eris acotar #girldad!eris #angst #lucien acotar #lucien fafic #rose rambles #rose answers #fluff

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louscartridge · 2 years

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mileven x reader

cw- semi un-edited bc im not doing this rn, violance, angst, i (kinda) changed some things, STRANGER THINGS SEASON 4 SPOILERS!!, swearing, i forget tbh i wrote this like a month ago im trying yall.

request/sumerry- When you get a chance can you do a one shot with mileven x reader but in season 4 where instead of max, vecna goes after the reader instead and mike, Jonathan, will and eleven are there with Steve, max , Dustin and Lucas and they are there trying to help like the same thing with what happened to max at the cemetery but with the reader and they are visiting her dad that passed . And while Dustin was calling for nasty he gets in touch with mike and they are already back in and weren’t too far and then they see the reader begin to float and mike and el panic. Mike gets really angry because of what happened and fearful and that they should have came back sooner and basically fluff and angst. (Sorry this is a lot)

-----------------------------------------------------------

the ride to the graveyard was painfully silent, you sat in the middle of el and mike, dustin in the passenger seat and steve in the driver's seat along with jonathan, will, max and lucas following behind you guys.

“turn here.” you said bluntly, staring out the window.

dustin turns his head around from the front seat to look at you “here?” you nod you head in response as he keeps looking at you for a few more seconds as steve turns into the graveyard.

“y/n?” mike hurriedly ran towards you with el following closely behind.

“guys please just wait in the car.” you yelled to them but this only served to make them run faster.

“y/n just wait! y/n, please.” mike pleaded while you kept walking up the hill to your dad’s grave.

“guys just wait-”

“just listen to me. just- please” mike pleaded, the two of them running even faster now.

“i know something happened back there with your mother.” he stated but his tone revealed how worried he was. there was a pregnant pause, everyone quiet for a moment.

“was it vecna?” el asks quietly trying to make eye contact with you, but you look everywhere that isn’t her.

she carefully studies your movements, the way you avoid eye contact with both her and mike more than usual, the way you chewed your lip anxiously, the way you absentmindedly fiddled with the zipper on your jacket.

you notice your actions and decide to look up at el. you held the eye contact for as long as you could, but you had to break it away.

“i told you; im fine. okay?” you can feel the tears welling in your eyes.

“i mean, im as fine as someone who’s hurtling towards a gruesome death can be.”

you trailed off, brushing the stray tears that fall off of your cheeks. quickly blinking the tears away, you look at mike, then down, then back to your left. it was quiet again for a second and you could see el going to move but she changes her mind.

“y/n.” mike says again but doesnt say anything after, nor do you.

el then decides to move again but goes through with it this time, pulling you into a hug. you dont hug her back but she still stays there, he arms wrapped around your torso tightly. when she doesn’t remove herself after a while, you open your arms, unwrapping hers from you. she thought you were going to hug her back but when you didnt she steps back to where she was before, next to mike.

“you know you can talk to us.” mike assures you.

“yeah, i know that.”

“okay, then why do you keep pushing us away?”

mike huffs when you don’t respond.

“okay look,” mike pulls a letter out of his back pocket, motioning to el and she quickly does the same.

“we dont need a letter. we dont want a letter. just talk to us. talk to your friends. they’re right here. we are right here.”

“okay? we’re here” el adds.

“just wait in the car. i wont be long.” you ignore both of them and run to your father’s grave.

————-

you swear you had been staring at your dad’s grave for hours now but surely you hadn’t, steve would be nagging at you to come back down.

“dear ronnie. i dont even know if you can hear this but i’ll say it anyway. two years ago i would have said ‘that’s ridiculous, impossible.’ but that was before i found out you would be dragged into me and my friend’s dangers, so.... im just going to get to the point. so much has happened since you left. me and mom started getting into fights. bad fights. i dont think she could stand being here without you. so she left. and she didnt leave me much. ive been living with my boyfriend and i got another job with steve. basically ever since you left, everything’s been.. a total disaster. and the worst part is, i cant tell anyone where you’ve gone. that you saved el’s life. that you saved my life-”

you stop for a moment, the tears welling up in your eyes blurring your vision.

“i play that moment back in my head all the time. and sometimes i imagine myself running to you, pulling you away from it all.”

you stopped again to wipe a tear.

“i imagine that if i had, that you would still be here.” you continue to read the letter you wrote for him about 2 hours ago, inbetween sniffles and sobs.

“everything would be right again. i imagine that we- that we couldve- that we couldve had a good, or at least better relationship. like- like a real father and child. i know that’s stupid. you hated me. i hated you. but i thought maybe. maybe we could try again.”

at this point you could feel steve, el, and mike intensly staring at you so you looked over to them but they all turned away and dustin started talking to steve acting as if they weren’t all being the nosy-ist people alive right now.

you roll your eyes irritably, looking back at your dads grave and down to the paper in your hand and continued reading your painfully long letter.

“but thats not what happened. i just- i just stood there. and i watched. for a while i tried to be happy. normal. but i.... i think a part of me died that day too. and i haven’t told anyone this. i- i just cant.”

you flip the letter over taking in a deep breath, ready to finish this. you cursed to yourself, annoyed at how long you had made this, hoping you didn’t make everyone else’s as long.

“if you can even hear this; i really hope that you can... im sorry... im so so sorry ronnie. love your shitty child y/n.”

as you closed the letter you could hear thunder crashing above you and the sky began to darken quickly.

then you started hearing... clocks? you were outside, there are no clocks?

“y/n...” a familar voice drags.

———

steve looks at his watch, impatiently tapping his finger on the car door.

“alright, its been long enough.” steve says firmly, walking up the hill to y/n.

“steve just give her some time.” mike protests.

“i have.”

“y/n!” steve yells making his way up to you but you dont respond.

“time to giddy up, yeah?” he pants lightly hitting your shoulder, but you still don’t respond.

he steps in front of you seeing your eyes glossed over with white, your body completely frozen. he grabs your shoulder, shaking it roughly.

“y/n? y/n. y/n! y/n!” each time he says your name the panic in his voice rises.

“y/n…” the familiar voice says.

the voice is distorted, preventing you from knowing who it could be, all you know is that you’ve definitely heard the voice before.

“i’ve been waiting to hear those words, y/n.” you cant pinpoint where the voice is coming from. it surrounds you, almost like it’s coming from you. you slowly stand up and walk around in a circle, searching for where it could be coming from. you were still in the graveyard, except you cant see anyone who had come with you.

“i waited so very long.”

the voice starts to manifest itself in front of you, and you see someone slowly walking up to you.

“dad?”

“wake up!” steve shakes you still trying to get you out of your trance-like state. “hey!” he lets go of your shoulder to clap next to your ear.

“hey, are they ok?” will ask jonathan who is sat next to him. they still haven’t gotten out of the car.

“what do you mean?” max laughs behind will, sitting sideways facing lucas because they had been playing pattycake.

“nice job letting Jonathan answer!” lucas snickers hitting max’s hand harder than before.

“no, shut up. listen. do you hear that? that’s steve yelling.”

jonathan rolls down his window and sticks his head out.

“hey are they ok?” he shouts to everyone infront of him. he doesn’t wait for a reply, quickly getting out of the car.

dustin looks up from above the car, standing on the bottom of the door, lucas slowly getting up off of the hood of the car, and mike and el get off the trunk of the car looking up to where you and steve are.

“ohh something is wrong” el whispers, steve calling your name still echoing throughout the graveyard.

“guys!” steve shouts to everyone at the bottom of the hill, waving frantically and motioning for them to come up and help. el was the first one to start running, and the first person to reach the top of the hill.

———

time. time seemed to be going by so slowly. you felt like you’d been in this place for hours but your logic told you that you couldn’t have been. you assumed you were in the upside down, your surroundings were familiar and you recognised them from the last time you were here. all of a sudden the sound of the chiming clocks stopped, and all that could be heard was your heavy breathing and the cruel words and assumptions your dad spat at you.

“you have sometimes wished to follow me.” he growled. he just wouldn’t stop. one thing after another but then he pauses, the sound of clocks starting up again.

“follow me into death - that is why i am here y/n.” you rapidly start shaking your head and start saying ‘no’ over what he’s saying, trying to drown out his voice.

“to end your suffering once and for all.” he boomed.

you didn’t even realize he was walking closer and closer to you and you were walking backwards until you fell, you breathing getting heavier.

looking back up to your dad - suddenly he didn’t look like your dad anymore. instead this creature was a lot taller than him, wider too. it looked as if he didnt have the first few layers of skin. all pink and purple and covered in veins. you stare at the thing in fear and confusion, unable to take your eyes off it.

it was vecna.

“it is time y/n” it says tauntingly slow with more distortion than before.

“time for you to join me.”

you quickly get up, tripping and contiue to run as fast as you can. where? you dont know. but you just ran.

———

“y/n! y/n you gotta get outta there!” mike says shaking your shoulder roughly.

“can you hear me?” el speaks into your ear, stood next to mike waving her hand infont of your face.

almost everyone was yelling frantically, desperate to try and wake you up.

however steve wasn’t. he kept pacing back and forth behind everyone, and jonathan watched him pace until he remembered a certain someone.

“oh my god nancy! did anyone hear from nancy yet? is she ok?” jonathan quickly says, now pacing himself as steve stops to look at him. nancy and robin. they were supposed to be talking to victor creel about this to see if he could help.

“call nancy and robin!” steve yells out of nowhere pulling dustin’s shirt, and pushing him towards the car.

“go get ‘em! call nancy and robin! go!”

the continued shouting drowns out the sound of dustin rolling and falling as he heads for the car.

“shit!” “shit shit shit! shit shit shit!” he curses, running faster than he had ever ran before.

this is his best friends significant other and he was not going to let them die. no matter what.

after missing the walkie a few times he finally got it. “nancy? robin? do you copy? this is a code red. do you copy?” he yells into the font of the walkie talkie. “shit. robin!” he yells even louder, still not getting a response.

———

you’d been running so fast, your legs ached and you desperately tried to pull air into your lungs. you stop, hiding behind a brick wall. leaning on the wall, you slowly peek around the corner and see the vecna again. you whip your head back around suddenly.

“you cannot hide from me y/n” vecna continued to threaten you.

———

“robin where the hell are you? this is a code red! i repeat! this is a code red!”

“dustin it’s robin. we copy.”

“holy shit finally. please please please tell me you have this shit figured out!” he exclaims in frustration and relief. if anyone were to see him now they would think of a baby throwing a tantrum.

climbing onto the roof of the car, he balls his hand into a fist and jumps up and down. “guys i got nancy!” he yells over to everyone even though he wasn’t sure anyone could even hear him above the sound of their own screams.

“ok so long story short-” robin was cut off by jonathan.

“nancy!”

“jonathan?”

“oh thank god you’re ok!”

“no no no! now is not time for this! robin please continue.”

———

“mike! el!” you yell still running. you have no idea where your running you just have to run.

“mike please help me! el!” you soon come to a stop, the air turning red and rapidly making its way towards you. you look around, deciding that you have no other choice and walk straight into it.

———

“music?”

“music!” robin and nancy tell dustin that if they find out y/n’s favorite song it should snap her out of her day-dreamy state. dustin hurriedly gets down from steve’s car and runs over to jonathan’s.

jonathan watches the boy for a second while being confused. “what are you doing?”

“max’s backpack. i need max’s backpack!”

“it’s in the back somewhere”

dustin quickly swings open the door and gets her backpack.

“found it!” he grabs it, tipping it upside down and dumping everything out onto the seat. he gathers all of the cassettes and the cassette player in his arms and runs up the hill, jonathan following him. a few of the tapes fell from his arms but jonathan made sure to pick them up.

———

you walk carefully through the red fog, sounds of creatures snarling around you and leaves and branches snapping underfoot.

in front of you was a horrible storm, but there was no rain. just booming thunder and crackling lightning.

the entire place was almost as dry as a desert, the only moisture being the pools of blood on the ground. you began to hear screams and saw a building coming into view before you, similar to a castle.

it’s daunting, but you make the decision to walk further towards it, hoping one of the doors in the building could be a way out. you had come so far already, right?

———

dustin and jonathan finally return to the others, gasping for air and dropping the tapes on the ground in front of everyone.

“what is this?” el asks, somewhat startled from the two boys’ sudden approach.

dustin wastes no time in getting to the point.

“what’s her favorite song?”

“why?”

“robin said if she listens...”

as dustin explains as quickly as possible, steve looks at jonathan, slightly flailing his arms about. jonathan is still panting and warm from the run up the hill, and peels off his black jean jacket and disposes of it on the ground before walking up to him.

“do you think it’s gonna happen to me too?” will asks, his voice shaking as he stares at the group with tears in his eyes.

“huh?”

“i mean..what if it already happend to me? this has happened to me before remember? a few years ago. it was one of my episodes. mom came to pick me up from school and i was in the middle of the field, pretty much like this.”

“i- i cant hear you” jonathan speaks loudly, unsure if his brother can hear him over the yells of dustin and the others.

“what! is! her! favorite! song!”

———

slowly lifting up your foot after hearing a rather unpleasant crunch, you look down to see a bunch of white balls and tiny spiders crawling out from under your shoe.

vecna was saying things to you but you couldn’t even fully hear what he was saying, sounds were just fading in and out.

you turn around quickly, sensing something but soon wish you hadn’t.

chrissy cunningham, bones all broken and twisted, eyes drooped down and big black tenticals wrapping around her and into her mouth.

you soon realised this was more than just chrissy. it was everyone who had suspiciously died. mangled and broken and tied around trees that surrounded you.

all of a sudden you started turning back around but not willingly. it felt almost as if a force was dragging you, forcing you to turn around.

“would you like to join them, y/n?” vecna said, still in the same distorted, taunting voice.

you couldn’t move. you couldn’t run. you couldn’t walk. just blink and breathe.

“i’ll give you a head start.” and with a snapping sound you could move again. not wasting a second you immediately started running.

“el! mike! help!” it was no use. you knew it was. you were in the upside down and were going to die and you knew it. “will! someone help! please!” you sobbed more and more with each word. “wi-” your words were cut off by one of the vines coming up and wrapping around your ankle, pulling you down to the ground, dragging you back to where vecna was. you had never screamed this loud before. you could only hope the sound of your screams could be heard by someone or rip a hole in the upside down somehow. once you got to the nearest tree you were too wrapped around it, your airway being cutoff, breathing becoming increasingly more difficult. the horrifying realisation that you would die here began to sink in. there was only one difference between you and the people around you: they were dead. you were almost there.

--------------------------------------

after el finally told dustin y/n’s favourite song, dustin and will started flipping through the cassettes, hoping that max has the tape.

“which one is it?” dustin asks helplessly to no one in particular.

“did she say running up that hill?” max whispers to herself.

“what?” will responded quietly.

“i think i have the tape they’re looking for.” max says moving her arm, shuffling things around in her pocket. “please please please...yes!” she says triumphantly. “dustin?” max shouts, waving the tape in the air.“guys!” she shouts a little louder.

el turns her head. “what?!” lucas, mike, dustin, and steve all yell together, looking impatiently at max.

“oh thank god.” lucas whispers but barely enough for anyone to hear it.

“where did you even get that?” mike asked anxiously, breaking the silence.

“i was listening to it earlier.” max commented, passing the tape to dustin.

“thank you” el slightly smiles, looking over at max.

“okay! headphones!” steve clapped making dustin quickly place the headphones on y/n

.“now!” dustin yells, signalling for mike to press play on the cassette player.

----------------------------------------

the straining sounds coming from you were fading, your desperate movements of trying to shift the vine from around you began to slow down. the sound of kate bush could be heard and a hole seemed to be burning its way into the air. it was like a portal, you could now see into the graveyard through it and hear sounds from the real world, the voices of your friends, the sounds of people talking and birds twittering too. you could hear them yelling to you,

“y/n wake up!” and “come on y/n we’re right out here!” can be heard coming from the portal.

“they can’t help you, y/n.” vecna says as the vine starts tightening around you even more. you were getting lightheaded from the lack of air. “theres a reason why you hide from them” he continues, inching closer to you.

thunder in our hearts

“you belong here. with me.” “you’re not really… here” you manage to cough out. “oh but i am, y/n. i am” before you could even process what he had said, he lifted his big hand and stuck his long, sharp pink fingers into your face.

and if i only could, i’d make a deal with god, and i’d get him to swap our places

“wh-why is she floating?” el stutters.

“isn’t that what eddie said happened to chrissy before she died?” will said, fear in his voice.

“y-yeah” lucas breathed.

“y/n!” el cried. she had only just gotten you back. you had just stopped ignoring her and the attention you were giving them isn’t the nicest, but you were getting somewhere. she cant lose you again. she can’t lose you for good. “y/n please! please dont die, y/n!” el continues to scream and sob.

the entire time, throughout everyone’s efforts, mike just looks on silently. he says nothing. he felt like he was gonna pass out as if he had been screaming for ages when in reality he hasn’t said anything. he takes el’s hand and pulls her towards him and she latches onto his arm still crying incoherently and calling out your name.

you could see the little people you knew as your best friends through vecna’s fingers. they looked so tiny but you could see them. you could hear them. you could see and hear el. “y/n please! please dont die, y/n!” you heard the sobbing of el. you felt so bad, you had been ignoring her and being a bitch to her, you regretted it so much now. you don’t want the last thing you ever said to her to be “just wait in the car. this won’t take long.” you were pushing her away. not just el but mike too. you were pushing away everyone.

“we don’t want a letter. we’re right here.”

“this tastes so good!”

“oh! i like this dress a lot!”

“y/n… friends don’t lie”

you started thinking of memories that you have with el, mike, you and the rest of the party hoping it would snap you back or something.

let me steal this moment from you now

“mike did you hit play?” dustin asks impatiently, looking back and forth to his bestfriend and then to his bestfriend’s s/o.

“yes i hit play!”

“so if the music is on why isn’t it working?”

“i dont know! you’re the one with all the information!”

“guys we can’t do with this arguing right now!” steve interrupts making the two of them go silent besides some heavy breathing.

come on baby, come on darling, let me steal this moment from you now

“see? zoomer.”

“the movie was complete shit but the popcorn was good so it’s whatever”

“oh- i… i dont know how to dance”

“i don’t want you to go”

“you’re doing great!”“

“this is your first time having ice cream?”

memory after memory replayed in your head, eyes closed, the vision of all the memories of your friends along with the voices of your friends and your favorite song. you felt.. airy? floaty? you couldn’t describe how it felt but you know it felt good. digging your nails into the vine on your right arm, you heard a squelching and a squeak and pressure being lifted off of your arm, signalling that the vine had released itself from you. you confidently brought your hand up to vecna’s neck and dug your hand into his neck, causing him to grunt in pain and fall over.

the rest of the vines then released you from their shared pain. you fell down off of the tree and fell on your side hearing a soft crack and a sharp feeling in your rib.

“i hope the injuries i get in here aren’t mirrored in real life’ you thought to yourself.

pushing yourself up, you wince in pain, but immediately start running towards the portal-type hole. almost there. however, before you could get too far away, vecna got up and started making a gravestone fall almost on top of you. you fall and wince at the pain again but get up only to be covered in someone’s blood from the puddles all over.

and if i only could, i’d make a deal with god, and i’d get him to swap our places

you were so close now, but it was taking you so long to get there because of the gravestones and now fenceposts that were being thrown at you. you had so much blood covering you the leaves were sticking to the soles of your shoes, causing you to slip a few times.

be runnin’ up that road, be runnin’ up that hill, be runnin’ up that building

“are you sure this is their favourite song?” max asks nervously.“you didn’t see any of the other tapes in there that might be it?”

“no no this is it!” el was so sure that it was.

“then why is it taking so long?!” mike snaps tighting his grip on el’s waist. she tries to step away from him. el was irritated. she understood that a lot was happening right now and how everyone was under so much pressure and stress. she just wished she still had her powers to try and do something to help. something more than just tell them a name of some silly song.

say if i only could, i’d make a deal with god

so...close…you were so close you could see yourself floating and your friends under you yelling your name. you let this spur you on, you ran faster and faster, or maybe it was just time making it seem that way?

“y/n!” everyone was yelling for you, dustin being the loudest of course.

suddenly you gasp and everything looks normal again. well, everything but the height you were at. you quickly fall down onto the ground and everyone spreads out away from you and away from eachother. even mike and el. but no one stayed far apart for long when they heard you gasping.

“y/n! y/n!” you hear at the same time as you feel someone grab you by the arms and lift you up. you yell at the sudden contact, unsure of who was touching you.

“it’s steve! it’s steve! you’re okay!” he says while quickly letting go of you. the touch was soon being replaced by a pair of arms wrapping tightly around you, who you soon realised was mike when you saw his familiar t-shirt. you expected your rib to be aching from mike’s arms being wrapped around you but it didn’t, nor were you covered in blood. you didn’t seem to be physically injured at all.

you keep gasping in shock and not used to the sudden normal amount of air into your lungs and grip mike’s lower arm with your hand to steady yourself.

“its ok. its ok. its mike. ok? its me mike” he whispers into your ear a few times, helping you to slow your breathing back down.

“el. el! where’s el?” you asked desperately, still panting. you detached your arms from mike and turn around.you see el standing behind you, tears silently slipping down her cheeks.

“i thought we lost you” el starts sobbing again as she speaks, her bottom lip folding.

“no, no i’m right here. see?” you pat your body and spin around, displaying to her that you had come back.

el lets out a breath she was holding in despite her sobbing before quickly running up to you and giving you the tightest hug either of you would ever experience.

“its hard to breathe to begin with el” you wheeze and laugh a little.

“right. sorry.” she lets go immediately but you can see the relief present in her face. “i’m kidding, it’s okay. hey listen, i need to tell you this quickly and i wanna talk to you more about it along with mike too but im so sorry.i don’t know why i was ignoring you guys and being an absolute bitch when i wasn’t ignoring you. you guys probably would’ve helped me through everything and im so sorry.”

“i love you, please give me another chance, even though we never actually broke up but-” your ranting was cut off by el awkwardly pulling your shoulders towards her and kissing you. despite the awkward hold she had on your shoulders the kiss was extremely comforting

.“of course i will and im sure mike will also. and i love you too”

no matter how many times you had heard it from her or mike it never failed to give you butterflies.

“hey! i walk away for two seconds and you guys are making out? what’d i miss?” mike jokingly yelled to you both while jogging over to you guys as if you didn’t almost just die.

you and el turned and looked at eachother and started giggling then look back at mike. “what?” he chuckled.

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mechanicalriddle · 5 months

Text

the moment weve all been waiting for EXALTED SECRET 2023 BIOS YAAAAAY

Heres my bios for the secret santa ! this years theme is Girls Who Rot, Have Rotted Previously, or Are Rotting Right Now

I like to provide some little details, tidbits, tone and setting ideas in my bios in case you want to draw them in like a little scene; don't feel obligated to get that fancy, though!

without further ado.

Pleione (Plin for short, she/they, roughly equivalent to early 20s) is a Marrow Aspect forged from the remnants of a young royal from a long-forgotten kingdom, resuscitated from the depths of the mausoleum in which her body was interred by (accidental) necromantic means. She's spent the past two decades quietly living on her Anchor's manse-estate, indulging in her passions for art and botany.

Plin is a big chicken who is deathly terrified of conflict and does a lot of screaming and cowering when things come to blows for someone who

Her personality is particular, peculiar, and holier-than-thou. She's got dynastic sensibilities, snobbish and disinclined to associate with 'the proles'. Get her on the subject of one of her special interests, though, and you might find each other fast friends.

Motifs- Plin has an orchid motif on account of the fact that she needs a dose of a special tea made from a (formerly) extinct orchid several times a day in order to NOT DIE. She hasn't died yet. She doesnt know she can come back give her a break. Some other motifs include glass, terrariums, spiders & fireflies; marble & porcelain, old-timey anatomical drawings, delicate floral and baroque patterns; antique-white, minty green, deep purple, and black.

Ideas- If you want to draw her doing something she is equally likely to be found reclining on a huge pile of pillows with a book or with her knees planted in the dirt rooting around in a thorny shrub. She loves to dissect and draw plants and is liable to be found at a desk or behind an easel doing one of those activities

Anima- Currently I am thinking... a grove filled with ghostly-white plants twining over enormous bones (hopefully of the animal variety, but hard to say, really) and probably features giant flowering orchids that are shaped suspiciously like skulls... Also its hard to say but the ground does look an awful lot like meat, and those stringy bits look an awful lot like connective tissue... hmm

---

Desert Fang Grim Devil Lioness (Grim for short, she/her, 36 yrs old) is a renegade Midnight caste former-warlord-turned-backwoods vampire-MILF. upgrades!

Grim was fazed a lot as a child (being pawned off by your family as a slave will do that to you) and vowed to grow up into a woman who Wouldn't Be Fazed By Anything. Having achieved this (with a few notable exceptions), she mostly gets her way by via being larger, stronger, and scarier than as many of her problems as possible. Sometimes problems don't and can't have physical largeness, though, which is annoying.

One of these problems included being counter-merc'd by one of her targets and dying of exposure under the desert sun. She didn't... quite... let this stop her, though. There are people in need of her skillsets, and dying isn't really a disqualifier for their service. She was raised as a deathknight and for several years served as one of the First and Forsaken Lion's most fearsome officers.

Another problem is... More recent. Having run off with her lunar mate and tried to start a family far, far from FAFL's stomping grounds, it turns out toughing it out in the wilds of the North can kind of suck.

Motifs- Pretty normal deathknight stuff. Black iron of the wrought variety, and soulsteel; tattered and blood-drenched fabric, rough-hewn basalt and dark masonry. Honestly got stronger canid than felid vibes, to spite the name. Black-and-red is an obvious throughline but grimy grays and natural tones complete her overall color scheme. Things that are totally inert and lifeless, and will always remain as such.

Ideas- Riding her terrifying steed (basically just a half rotting perma-permafrosted elk corpse with a broken antler), slicing something in half with her awesome reaver daiklaive, hovering over a pot of survival-stew boiling over a crude hearth, walking thru the woods in the dark covered in blood. Or maybe hanging out with her awesome baby (pictured) if youre inclined to draw something... Nicer :)

Anima- A bit stereotypical, I think like. a blasted land with bloodsoaked earth so barren and expansive that it blends with the crimson sky, as well as off in the distance banners that tower like skyscrapers which only flutter by virtue of their enormity. Not even Mela's breath will touch this forsaken place.

Grim is the current wielder of Gorgon.

---

(WHOOPS forgot the tattoos in the second thing but like hell im fixing that at this point)

Last but not least, the Gunstar Autochthonia Girl Hirudana Siithavari (Siithi for short, she/her, 32 y.o.) a No Moon ostensibly still answering to the Deliberative; at heart, a roustabout and a scallywag. She crawled deep into Authochthon's world-body on a suicide mission and then beat all odds by sheer cockroach-style stubbornness, earning her Luna's favor. Also, terrible death-sorcery (necromancy is sort of an unknown factor in our rendition of the Gunstar shard but she somehow managed to make contact with the neverborn and stumble into its practice)

she likes drinking, and gambling, and yelling, and generally being a nuisance. Sometimes a little bit of heart-of-gold shines through, and quite frankly everyone is probably better off with the secrets of necromancy in her hands rather than someone slightly less grounded in reality.

theres more pics of her in her tag if you want to poke around.

Motifs- Bronze, brass, grimy earth tones mixed with bright accent colors. Black leather, studs, needles, teeth. Tubes, pipes, gears, grates and various industrial junk. Worms, bugs, and other vermin. Dankness, darkness, the sickly shadows of Black Non. Smoke-haze and drug paraphernalia.

Ideas- Generally she spends most of her time at the bar, the gym, in her lab, or asleep. you could draw her pumping iron, or taking a toke on a decrepit sofa in her dingy weed-cave (not a literal cave though that would be kind of fun), or sitting at an industrial workbench pouring over a half-disassembled chainsaw. or corpse. or both at the same time.

Anima- Her lower-level anima is kind of gloopy like a lava lamp. Iconic is a swamp with oil for water, populated by mangroves assembled from pipes and black plastic tube-vines, with the moon reflecting brightly on its surface. Her spirit shape is a Buffalo Leech, one of the largest species of leeches (on earth at least). i'll attach a pic of her hybrid form if you wanna draw that instead!

(necessary disclaimer for these sorts of things) youre welcome to take this as an opportunity to do some experimenting but if you don't think you can passably represent a certain characters body shape i would recommend picking one of the other options. thank you!

#exalted secret santa #exalted secret santa 2023 #exalted rpg #waaaagh im here. hi

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forlorn-crows · 5 months

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Oh boy maybe it’s the fever making me brave but here we go! Cumulus!! Everyone characterizes her as super fem, very soft, care-giver type, very maternal. And I think it’s her shape. As someone with the same body type, I’m not that at all. I feel like she’s more the type to enjoy the finer things in life, be waited on hand and foot, step on someone’s balls if she feels like it. And if someone tried to latch on to her like they were nursing???? Annihilated. (I’m sorry I respect everyone elses’s HCs I swear please do not yell at me) I think she expects those around her to act like an adult and I am sure she is of course willing to be supportive, a shoulder to cry on etc like a normal friend. But NOT LIKE YOUR MOMMY. And expecting her to act like that while you’re fucking? No. NO! (Again I respect everyone’s opinions I’m sorry!)

i swore i saved all the cumulus specific ones to add to this one but alas, i guess i answered them all already lmao.

anyway. i think your ask is a perfect example of something i said earlier about trans ghouls, where one person's experience might lend them to liking something more than the other. and i hope the following things im gonna say a) make sense (lmao) but b) show a little bit of a different perspective or idea about this topic.

firstly, yes. it is absolutely true that cumulus has been deemed the 'mom' of the group. and i absolutely know that part of it probably does stem from internalized fatphobia, as well as societal stereotypes about fat women. that in order for them to be likeable they have to fit the traditional idea of femininity, to be maternal, to be 'done-up' and pretty and presentable at all times. that their worth is based on their ability to care for others. and thats fucking bullshit, and something i obviously, as a fat woman, dont condone.

on the other hand, the way i see cumulus, to most people, probably fits that mom friend type. and i can absolutely understand how you and others see that and go 'i look like her and im tired of being represented as such'. which is so fucking valid. but i cant deny that part of me projects that mom friend type of myself onto cumulus specifically because i look most like her. she's sweet. she's caring. shes supportive and loyal to her friends. she's got a beautiful, round, soft body that i wanna snuggle up to. and i know thats surface level shit. but i feel like i see her and she's just warm and kind.

but you know what? she's also a bit loud. likes to tease. DESERVES to be treated like the princess that she is. she's goofy. maybe shes clumsy. she gets crazy fuckin bedhead and has to spend so long untangling it. and i bet she serves a real sexy aloofness if you get her in the right mood. to me she's that mom friend trope. but thats not all she is, just as thats not all i am. and not at all how you would see yourself.

like i mentioned a little bit ago, i dont think there's anything wrong with having a character have a little bit of stereotype in them. but it does have to be balanced out. shes not JUST the mom friend. and something too that i do agree with you is, while i might label her that, she's not the pack's mother. she isnt their caretaker. they arent her children. i dont think they would treat her as such or assume that of her, if that makes sense. and yeah, totally understandable about the mommy during sex thing, or the nursing or whatever. a lot of that is more kink territory too, so if its not for you, then its not for you!

if anything, i always imagine aether to be running around making sure everyones got their shit together (even though we know he doesnt). and absolutely no ones forcing him to wear that damn frilly apron he always seems to be wearing in the kitchen . . . hmm . . .

but! i also see sunny as more of that warm, caregiving type personality too. as well as a boundless thing of energy. i def dont want cumulus to be pigeonholed into the 'mom' of the group either. but i still have certain ideas about how she is that could be labeled as such. you and everyone else is right that that's not all she is.

we just have to write her more. dig into her character. put her into those situations we want to see and that also challenge those two dimensional aspects of her trope character

i know that i push a little bit against that dislike of the mom thing. i dunno. but she's our lus and i love her very much, and would really like to see her more in the artwork & writing space <3

#obviously the 'you' is almost always the generalized you in this context lol #but i hope you get what i mean!#ask #midnight-moth #i fully acknowledge i project a lot of myself onto her hahaha #but shes got many other things about her

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writingtohealmytrauma · 25 days

Text

5/4/24

she left me 2 months ago and the pain is still so real and unbearable. 8 years of our life gone, she is now a stranger we dont talk, i want to talk so bad but she wants to move on and asked us not to message i want to talk to her everyday but i need to respect her decision's she still hasnt blocked me and i cant bring myself to block her number, not that it would do any good as i know her number off by heart, i managed to get the strength to archive our conversations so im not constantly seeing her name and our life everytime i message someone, i had been messaging her out of desperation and longing for connection with her and i can see by the read reciepts that she is seeing my message but choosing not to respond and it just hurts so much that this is clearly what she really wants and she is trying her hardest to get over me and us.

she tells me "We pushed it as far as we could" in reality she pushed it as far as she wanted. she tells me that she wants to have a family and she doesnt see a future with us after 8 years so she needs to leave me and find someone else to have a family with. she's 26 and wants to have kids before 30? so she cant waste any more time with us. i spent my life serving her, but it wasnt enough. i gave her everything. i literally made her breakfast and dinner every day for 3 years to prove my love to her, i flew her business class around the world i showed her a life she never dreamed off. i was there every day when she got home waiting to hear about her day, i ALWAYS made and had time for her always. she was my purpose i lived to serve her. all i ever wanted was to marry her, everyone use to have a go at me saying "why dont you marry her?" "hurry up and put a ring on her finger" like i was the problem? she was the one that would never commit. all i wanted was a family and life with her. I know her past trauma's have played a huge part in all of this, she come from a very broken family and has carried alot of trauma her whole life that she refused to deal with and that leaked into our relationship in so many ways. i truly believe if she had of dealt with her passed issues we would stil be here. she was not the only one to blame i also brought issues to the table but i have worked and turned myself out inside as a person to try and fix/overcome these and i feel i really did. she had an avoidance schema which was a real issue she would always run and shut off from us whenever things were hard, my mind is constantly telling me she was overwhelmed and her avoidance schema kicked in and thats why she ended it as there was no good reason to end it, weeks before she ended it she was telling me that she was finallly ready to get engaged after 8 years?? im so confused? I worry that she has realised this was an overreaction to a minor problem but her pride is stopping her from saying hey this is blown out of proportion can we try and fix this?? i would come running! i'd lay my life down to fix this, what ever it took whatever love she needed it is hers. I worry by the time she comes to this conclusion i will have moved on, not because i wanted to but because the pain is to great and i dont want to take my own life from grief. does one ever truly move on? will i still think about her in years too come? there is that weird sense of hope that we will get back together but i cant hold onto that. when we first started dating she saw a psychic (I dont believe in that stuff) but he told her that she was going to meet her partner and they would be together for life like penguins and that she would have twins with them. over the years i truly believed that and i made that a promise to myself that she was my penguin and that we would be together forever and have twins and i held onto that promise for so long, that promise got me through the hardest time in our relationship and now i feel its been broken it makes me sick to think that im not her penguin and some other man might be? she will have twins and a family with another man? makes me want to curl up and die.

It hurts so much that she wants to move on she couldnt do it anymore 8 years, meant nothing i know she wasnt in it for a long time i just kept pushing and pushing and exhuasting myself trying to fix it, i knew in the back of my mind that it was over a long time ago and that we wouldnt work in the future. she was my best friend though and the only family ive ever had all i wanted was to serve her and love her but there was always this twisted gut feeling in my stomach everytime i thought about our future, not from fear just uncertainty. we broke up once before for a short period of time and she bought someone back to our house within a couple days of us breaking up my mind reels at the thoughts of who she is with now who she is seeing.

**DREAM

I had a dream last night that we met up and i asked had she been with anyone else i asked her and i wanted her to say yes so i could hate her and move forwards in my dream she told me after a week of us separating that she had been sleeping with someone else she began to describe the sexual encounter to me with such joy saying it was hot and sweaty and that they didn't use protection and i remember feeling such a sense of a rage and sadness and sickness all at once in my dream, the though of her with another man made my sick. **DREAM

i woke up and i felt relieved as my mind was still telling me that was a real conversation and i hated her and could let her go and after properly waking up and realising it was a dream i cant shake the feeling the thoughts of that dream and what it meant to me. now i feel like i need to know if she is sleeping with other people so i can move on? WHY IS MY MIND ATTACKING ME LIKE THIS? i want to know that she is with other people so i can hate her so i can detach as i feel thats the only way i can move forward but at the same time i dont want to know either. i have no interest in other women right now, i dont think i ever will. i gave her every part of my heart and soul. ive only ever slept with 2 people in my life and have no interest in sleeping around being with other people, the thought makes me feel sick.

everytime i see anything slightly sexual it reminds me of her it makes me feel sick to my guts as to who she is with. i was her first and she was my second and to be intimate almost every day with the same person for 8 years is so special. i think its a mix of jealousy and fear fear because i know what other men are like and what they are capable and that she has not been exposed to how feral men can be and jealousy because what if she finds someone better than me? what if they pleasure her better or love her more. what if she is more attracted to them then me? she said to me that she still loves me and thats not that she doesnt want me she just doesnt think we have a future?? which is so insanely confusing cause how can you love and want someone but not be willing to commit to marriage and life together and risk going out into the world and hoping you find the connect you had with someone else.

she was my bestfriend, all i wanted was to be around her and in her presence and i think that makes this all so much harder for me. i feel like im one of those people that is always surrounded by people but feel so alone always. she took away the loneliness made me feel complete and normal maybe it was bad that i needed her to make me feel that way, maybe i should learn to feel that way before getting into another relationship. thats what everyone tells you to do. but does anyone actually truly do that? does anyone ever wait untill they are complete and feel whole before getting into another relationsip? i feel like if you were complete and happy being alone you would never get into a relationship at all so i feel like that kind of advice is a lie? what else would compel you to be in a relationship if you have learnt to be happy alone, i understand women having a biological clock and im led to beleive that some women have overwhelming maternal instincts and the need to have children but as a some what succesful male, if i learn to be happy aloen and enjoy my own company? why would i want to get into a relationship what would be the driving force behind that? so i think that type of thinking is a lie and fanciful.

i feel scared to go back home, i know i need to though. i left the state i live in to go stay with my cousins for a wgile to try and clear my head i dont know if it has helped our made things worse? im genuinely not sure.

im so scared of running into her, im so scared of running into her with another man. i dont know how to deal with these feelings of fear and jealousy. i just love her so much and my heart screams for her day in an day out.

even writing this now i feel sick at the thought the she is talking to somoene else and flirting with them and doing sexual things with them.

i think the hardest thing for me to grasp is her being sexually intimate with someone else. that seems to be the trigger for me to spiral and feel sick.

my psycologist told me that those are grief thoughts and to label them grief thoughts and that they will pass but they just make me sicker and sicker everytime i think of them.

im not eating, im not sleeping all i do is train. i feel so insecure and so scared i feel like ive aged so much in our relationship and that im ugly and un lovable so im just destroying my body to stay fit and become stronger than i am. i worry its becoming a mental ilnness almost a body dysphoria i hate myseld and everything about myself.

she was younger than me buy a couple of years and i know she is going to date someone younger than me and they will be fitter and stronger than me and it just hurts so much to think that.

i get angry cause i feel like she used me and robbed me of my life and my best years and that she never had any intention of seeing this through. she just used me as a vessel to get her setup in a career and financially.

#relationship #breakup #trauma #heartbreak #healing #self refle

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ratmans-notebooks · 5 months

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Actually here is an excuse to go off Abt thrashgrace; ur portrayal of their relationship is really interesting to me? Thrashers loves, adores scapegrace, and does not argue with his unkind gestures. Spacegrace loves thrasher, but is so. Mean to him? Citing ur 'he puts out his cigs on thrasher', I'm just really curious about what's going on with em how you portray them? /Genuine interest I might be bad at wording things

OKAYYYYYYYYY ^_^!!!!

obviously thrasher is obsessed with scapegrace in a crazy way everyone knows that. i think part of why he puts up with being treated like shit because even bad attention from scapegrace is still attention⭐ like in the beginning tgeres definitely weird magic zombie attachment there which is why he calls scapegrace "master" and "sir" but since scapegrace's urge to serve seemed to wear off after getting his brain moved around i must assume thrasher's did too. especially considering in book 9 he called scapegrace by his first name and suggested they be equals, which i dont think he would have done when he was still under the influence of necromancer magic. And! i think thrasher loved him separately from his instinct to serve him because none of the other zombies really gave that much of a shit about scapegrace. so thrasher was always a faggot, being zombified just skewed it in a creepy direction. <- that got really long. what im trying to say is thrasher has mental problem and if he doesnt get to follow around his favorite guy who hates him he'll DIE

as for scapegrace 🌠. well. he also has mental problem but completely in the other direction. And This Part Got Really Long so im putting it under a cut🙏

to understand scapegrace's relationship to thrasher we must first examine his relationship to everyone else he's ever interacted with. he spends his first few appearances getting beaten into a pulp, all his old friends hate him, and then he gets killed, and then he has to walk around with all his appendages falling off and he finds out he's going to rot to death and everyone tries to beat him up again, he's beheaded and thrown into a body he didn't want, everyone sexualises and misgenders him, and he has one moment at the very end of phase 1 where nobody is being mean to him because they need him to do that thing in the necropolis. nobody is nice to him ever and he has no friends and everyone is always whaling on him and nothing good happens to him for like. eight years. the difference between scapegrace in playing with fire and scapegrace in mortal coil is SO JARRING hes like a whole different (much worse) person which does tend to happen when you relentlessly run someones self worth into the ground for multiple years. all this to say, scapegrace's feelings about thrasher are an absolutely vile combination of envy, mistrust, possessiveness, aggression and repressed homoromanticism so all in all he's not really having a good time🌠 he hates thrasher because despite their similarities (general incompetency, talking too much, poor social skills), nobody else is as harsh on thrasher about it as they were on scapegrace. but! he likes having thrasher around because 1. thrasher worships the ground he walks on and 2. he gets to be an asshole to someone without fear of getting his teeth kicked in. and he can never ever ever let his guard down and be nice because if he shows weakness he risks losing his only source of positive attention and/or physical repercussion such as the above mentioned kicking ^. (he doesnt really but in his mind this is always a looming threat.)

In conclusion: scapegrace puts his cigarettes out on thrasher because thats the safest way for him to get close and thrasher lets him because the cigarette was in scapegrace's mouth at one point and that's basically kind of like kissing🖤🚬

#chuffing #thank you this was so fun. I spent an hour writing this #im so happy u think my portrayal is interesting🔥🔥🔥!!!#skulduggery pleasant #vaurien scapegrace #thrasher #thrashgrace #analysis

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yuuli-xiv · 4 months

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abt roleplay

i have basically not roleplayed at all since i broke away from the cat guy but im still a bit salty about the fact that a thing i only realized now is that every single interaction id had with both him and others at that point was primarily focused on how people acted toward eachother, centering mainly around how they navigated attractions and divorced from most other situations. only the scenes i initiated for my personal lore sharing were about what they actually were and what function they served in the setting.

not only that but he even had a strange away of understanding attractions and interpersonal relationships both in and out of character. his character only started treating the one of mine he was dating with affection after i directly asked him to, which he did relent to but not without telling me "sex acts are a form of affection" or something similar to that. it was a bit unusual for me.

but additionally like being a cat person played absolutely no part in any single interaction, and this extended to different alts of different races. and there were many such cases where the basics were not at all acknowledged. professions? irrelevant. upbringing? irrelevant. personal belief systems? irrelevant. goals and ambitions? irrelevant.

the only relevant information in these roleplays were sexual orientation and whether or not you could get away with treating someone badly or being disingenuous for the comedy value of doing so. that was it. its given me quite the distaste for snarky rogue types.

im at a point where i dont feel anything about the cat guy anymore, could never talk to him again but theres no malice at this point, im just frustrated at the lack of creativity that was being put forth even though i was engaging with these roleplays for several-hour-long sessions. turns out writing about sex is not rewarding for me at all lmao

compared to what im doing with my current partner its a night-and-day difference. i was looking for story. i was looking for stakes. i was looking to build upon and develop my characters. and i have gotten all of that in spades. even when we go long swaths of just not working with these characters at all i still feel satiated, i dont have that gnawing hunger for these things anymore because it doesnt feel so far out of reach now.

when i asked the cat guy about any of those things, i got these stories about how we needed to set aside "planning time" and how he was too exhausted from putting effort into running his dnd campaign to put effort into those things for me, and the "planning time" never came around in the end. our time together was near exclusively erotic roleplay that he "didnt have to think about" and was using to unwind.

i cant really begrudge him that but i wish he had been transparent about it from the beginning so i had never set up these expectations at all, heck i didnt even know what i was consenting to the first time we roleplayed and he kept saying "consent is key" before he started fingering my character lmao. i think that is why it confused me that he felt so heartbroken when it all ended… even if i do feel bad i still dont understand.

is... this an allosexual thing? am i too demisexual to sound normal here? was this something i should have expected all along? i just dont know.

i wouldnt make this post at all ordinarily but i cant let go of it if i dont talk about it somewhere. will probably nuke this when spring rolls around

#🍳

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trainingdummyrabbit · 9 months

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Hi! I'm the one who sent in that "Tanjiro sees ghosts" AU ask, and I'd love to hear more of your thoughts on it!

[re: this post!]

!! oh hell yeah! :D ill disclaim really quick that these are less of "fun facts" or "Worldbuilding Beats" and more of "i thought abt this character in this scenario a bit too hard and now theres a mini narrative." . meaning its a little long. ofcourse. So!! under the cut <33

ok just gonna get the bias one out of the way <33 in regards to the whole "not every ghost is nice" thing, Yahaba is actually one of the ghosts that remained hostile post-death. which wouldve been a problem for Team Foxmask to deal with-- but before much can happen, everything is interrupted by one (1) very distressed susamaru, going on and on about how theyre ignoring her theyre ignoring her they cheated and now theyre ignoring her, its not fair!! trying to calm her down and figure out what the hell shes trying to say is enough of a distraction for Team Kamado to step in. yahaba originally wouldnt have listened to a word anyone had to say to him, but hearing everything from an outside perspective (and listening through how they speak to susamaru) is enough to slowly de-escalate the situation. this serves both to double down on exemplifying the shoddy hand demons are often given, and also to give the Kamado Family a bit more characterization-- to give them more agency other than "fridged family that turns up sometimes." show off where tanjirou gets his values from! anyway those two stick around a little while, mostly just keeping to each other rather than anyone else. (theyre still poking fun of tanjiro in the background. and everyone else. i shrimply believe they should get to actually become friends. :] )

the pillars have. SO many ghosts. a lot of the time, they really dont want much of anything to do with him-- not usually because they dont like him, but because they have someone to watch out for. two exceptions are masachika and kanae. masachika so very badly wants to actually get to talk to this kid, but unfortunately: Sanemi is Sanemi. he rarely gets the chance to see tanjiro, and when he Does, things are kinda. stressful. because sanemi fucking hates this kid. masachika could easily give a good entryway to hinting at sanemi's softer side-- and also a way to up the escalation of the conflict in the pillar training arc. (sanemi would Not much like this kid suddenly talking about his friend that he Shouldnt Know About.) kanae, i feel, would actually like hanging out with nezuko more than with tanjiro! he might actually not figure it out for a good chunk of time, only catching on when he hears rumors about nezuko running about in the middle of the night, seemingly playing with someone who Isnt There. she would give some good character insight on shinobu-- maybe giving some extra depth to the conversation she and tan have on the roof.

muichiro. is going to be So Weird. yuichiro is likely ridiculously clingy-- constantly watching out for his twin, completely unheard. he... doesnt like tanjiro much at all when they meet for the first time. (though... that scene where mui and tan meet is a bit... complicated. its unsettling watching mui act like that, but yui's also inherently going to side with him on anything. do Not touch him.) they dont get to talk one on one (yui+tan) but it could very easily serve to both give more of an insight on mui's... Weirdness. and also to setup those hints that yui is just. he cares so much. this also gives very very fun opportunities for talk between mui and tan as tanjiro cant get a grasp on what exactly is going on with the ghost situation (its like a weird mirror..? its not the same, but...) and muichiro is just. completely oblivious. ("hey tokito-kun, have you ever died before?" "no, that's stupid. i'm real, and ghosts aren't." [the two continue saying more and more outlandish things to each other with complete sincerity as everyone around them try not to stare.])

honestly there's just a lot of good opportunities for interesting plotlines w/ this concept-- a ghost that helps tan unravel a demon-related mystery that everyone else had trouble finding a way to unravel. the ghost ends up being a family member or dear friend from the demon's previous life who was killed when they turned-- and they just want to be able to put their soul to rest and tell them they dont blame them for what happened, despite everything. ...or even the opposite-- a ghost who misleads any slayers from their turned friend in stark denial of what is going on-- causing a sort of double-antagonistic force that requires both tanjiro And the ghost squad to properly quell.

so like!!!! yknow!!!! waves hands around! its just a really fun way to get more subtle character details across without the characters themselves saying it-- especially for the less sociable ones. yknow. Get Haunted, Idiots(tm) <33

#long post #ask game #kinda..#kny #also hope u dont mind th wait; i wanted t make sure i was. conscious. to write KJFNSDKFJ #theres also some fun potential t include nezzy and extrapolate on her arc a bit more--#--especially since so much of what happens with her is wordless.#i also think itd be fun if she was able t mess with ghosts w her demon art too. honorary Ghost Tan Protection Squad member.#ANYWAY. YKNOW. characters and scenarios. does a lil bow.

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astranne · 2 years

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I will happily give you more bodyguard!xiao brainrot!

Okay im making this up on the spot right now so stick with me

Imagine famous!reader ONLY ever having Xiao around i mean i think some famous people swap out bodyguards?? Idk im not rich. But only Xiao is allowed into their room personally and only xiao is allowed to accompany them to important places or any personal matters

EVEN BETTER THE FLEETING TOUCHED AND KISSES??? i am so soft for Xiao liking forehead kisses and just being completely soft like HAISJSIEJSISN

After a long day, your half tired and he carries you to your desired resting spot and he kisses your forehead and whispere goodnight?? Id fold so fast for that man. Anyways, Bodyguard!xiao practically threatening your obsessive fans that get to close or crowding your personal space? Him checking over you to make sure you have everything and your okay? HELLO IM GONNA DIE????

Bodyguard!Xiao rubbing your knuckles when your nervous about a gig or going on stage or a important meeting with your manager

Bodyguard!Xiao running his fingers through your hair while you lay on his chest and hes whispering reassurances to you and helping you relax

Soft bodyguard!Xiao only softening his gaze for you and smiling softly whenever you smile about something

Observant!Bodyguard Xiao watching you from the corner of his eye reading your body language like a hawk and whenever you show discomfort he comes over and makes an excuse for you to leave the situation

OKAY ONE ANGST FOR XIAO

Little Brother!Xiao isolating himself because he feels alienated from his classmates and he cant connect to them on a emotional level and he feels as though nobody truly ants to be his friend but because hes practically the straight A student hes always picked to do all the work on projects but hes use to it and doesnt say anything to his caregivers.

-🪶

you really said ‘lemme serve you a whole as meal’ huh? i’m not complaining, i’m thanking you while on my knees my dear fischl anon 😌

soft bodyguard!xiao... *muffled screaming* the forehead kisses?! the only bodyguard and just- AHHHH xiao carrying you in his strong arms, hugging you when you have a nightmare and waiting until you fall asleep again. he will protect you and always be by your side and if that means to scare your nightmares away?

i'm dying over my own silly little writing help me

soft and observant xiao just looking out for you, calming you with his presence when you're overwhelmed and whispering reasuring words. he will play with your hair, draw tiny little shapes on your blissful face and spoil you with kisses and hugs.

blushing rn, like,,, imagine. just imagine.

HHHHHH- THE ANGST- why do i feel called out. xiao will sit in the back, always taking notes since he can't talk to someone during lessons. he will listen to soft music, most times classical music, in the library and revise his notes, even do some future research for what else he has to do?

all his siblings are the golden apples of his caregivers, the oldest the most popular one, the middle one super sporty and he? he only has academics left, he doesn't want to fall behind and yet... yet he feels like he is being left behind.

so yes, he will do all the work, if that means the teacher will compliment him and his group for their awesome for, he will do all the work, if it means his caregivers praise him, even if it's only a short moment. what else does he have?

i'm so close crying,,, why am i writing angsty xiao, he- he doesn't deserve this!!!

anywhore- fischl anon, i love you and your brain. your brainrots are always and will always be welcome here <33 pls gimme more, i'm begging

#genshin impact #genshin #genshin xiao #xiao #soft xiao #bodyguard xiao #xiao brainrot #🌚 knowing moon #✨ star dust #⭐️ 🪶.star

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livawritesshit · 1 year

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Ink Demon! X Selv Preservative Reader!

Gender isnt really implied but i imagined it to be , AFAB Think whatever makes you happy!

Like He tries to manipulate you and make you do stuff you dont want to and shit and you finally have enough and tell him off

Slight Angst? Crying Swearing Violence Slight fluff , The ink demon wants you to be his partner in his hell of a domain lol, but you dont want to knowing nothing would come out of it , slight manipulation? But it doesn’t even get that far

It was yet another day in the ink demons lair, just as depressing and empty as all the other times he would make me sit in here , im tired of this shit! He keeps trying to make me do his work it all leads to nothing anyway . Every. Single. TIME. I hear something outside ,splashes outside the wall , hes back .. you have to be fucking kidding! I hurriedly , scribble Down on the paper i found last Time i escaped for a little bit , writing on it saying i had left and i domt ever want to see him again, perfect! I slide it where i was previously sitting , i hurry over to my makeshift hiding spot behind the film tapes, as i Peek out , noticing him Enter the room , he looks around for a moment before growling , is he angry? He notices the paper and picks it up , there goes a few seconds before he lets out a Roar and hurriedly leaves , supposedly to find me . im not even sure why hes so obsessed with me .. im not That special theres Audrey and uhh Alice ,

oh no! Alice is a bitch! , i sit for a moment before Looking if he were to come back, and sure as hell he did , he was thrashing slightly , his ink seemed more liquid as if he were panicing . Serves him right! I Watch on as he searched around not even thinking i would ever hide under his Old tapes , if he were to find me now he would for sure kill me.. then he lets out that damn .𝑾𝒉𝒊𝒎𝒑𝒆𝒓. It makes my heart ache every time , i hesitate hiding for Long , he sounded so pained.. no i cant! hes just trying to manipulate me .. nothing special ! he keeps whining and whimpering , looking around before laying Down on the floor by where i previosly had sat nuzzling?… his head against Where im guessing my warmth was slightly lingering , he whimpered and whined constantly most likely trying to make me leave my spot ,

maybe some minutes passed? Time is crazy Down here.. before he Got up slowly walking off . I wait and he doesnt return , i quickly get up from my spot making sure to be quiet , before sprinting off , Freedom! I make Way to heavenly toys , before getting away . Alice was gonna kill me! Most likely after last time.”where can i hide?..” whispering to myself , a few miracle boxes were nearby , thats great! . I walk over to a door ,

𝘛𝘩𝘶𝘥 .. 𝘛𝘩𝘶𝘥. as my heart rate goes up and thoose voices tell me tp hide yet again whenever im near him, i run off to a miracle box slamming the door shut , as i wait inside, i can hear him , 𝘏𝘦 𝘏𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘥 𝘮𝘦.. Thats not good.. I hear him run as he stops in front of the door clawing at it growling , I hold my breath . He stops and leaves , as I huddle closer to the wall , if theese miracle boxes didn’t exist I would have been dead long ago..

I wanted to stay in the miracle box and never leave .. i was safe.. for once in this hell of a studio, he was so obsessed with me.. didnt he have Audrey to chase around ? She was a danger! Not me i just sat around .. “that fucking demon..” i felt anger rise , i could feel my vision go blurry remebering audreys sweet face and voice and little Bendy . Not the hell of a a demon hes become now. He was so silly and never wanted to hurt anyone.. he just wanted someone who loved him .. not like joey that fucking bitch! If hes alive ill strangle him and rip out his eyes , i clawed at the Walls , as tears streamed Down my face , i just cant help it , i just wish i had never taken that job offer! I punched the wall , effectively making my hand hurt like hell , “fuck!” I wanted to scream , why does this happen to me! , i knew he could hear me , i cant give a shit . It would be better to die and be free from this everything Down. Here is trying to kill me left and right anyway! , he was coming and he had heard me. Fuck”im so fucking stupid i need to calm Down and Think!” I whispered to myself , he was banging on the door clawing at it, doing whatever he could to possibly harm the door , he whimpered like a puppy. He had made a few small dents but the door never budged, he was whining now , low growls as he tried to get in , the door was creaking like hell , almost as if begging for him to stop , he never .. did stopping for moments before coming back with more agressive attacks, the door slightly moved i could almost hear him smile , as he was practically going on feral on the door , it moved again one of the hinges coming off, i could hear him step back before launching his body against the door as it fell off and opened , revealing him standing there with that evil smile that was permanetly sketched onto his face ,

He walked over on all fours like a animal , i could feel his gaze on me like i was a delicious Chunk of Meat, he opened his mouth , closing my eyes i knew he was going to eat me , but the pain or teeth never came a Long forked tongue licked me , as i felt him Press his head against my chest , as if he wanted me to coddle?.. him , a deep PURR emiting from his throat like a growl , his head nuzzling against me , he had pushed himself on top of me like a dog wrapping his limbs around me , covering me in his ink as i struggled to get him off , he kept on licking me spreading his ink everywhere on my clothes and face , seemingly satisfied before grabbing the nape of my shirt dragging me off like i was a cat! “Let go of me! I didnt ask for this!” I struggled thrashing about to make it as difficult as possible before making him lose a grip on me , as i shook off his ink most of it falling off, he whined as he most likely knew i was about to run off again as he quickly grabbed me again to cover me in his ink yet again. “Stop doing that its disgusting! Ill smell like you and Audrey Will get scared!” He whimpered licking my face, ..“sᴏʀʀʏ“ he had to wheeze it out as if talking made his whole body burn in pain, yet i was dumbfounded that he talked , “what?..” i turned to him , his ink looked more solid then when i was gone , “please put me Down Bendy..” he didnt oblige until we came to his lair , making sure i couldnt escape as he Picked up the paper handing it to me before pointing with his claws to where i had wrote ,𝑰 𝒏𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒆𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒂𝒈𝒂𝒊𝒏 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒊 𝒉𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖, saddening , he was trying to guilt trip me into staying in this hell hole? “Seriously you can’t fucking expect me to want to stay here! Or even see you again? You keep holding me prisoner ! Everything down here wants to fucking kill me left and right wherever I go something wants to rip off my head as if I killed their family with a butter knife! Especially you!” I point my finger at him accusingly , he growls “you used to be so sweet and generous , look at yourself you kill and slaughter. manipulate , nothing ever leaves you unscathed! Like Audrey ! Look at her now! you emotionally Tore her apart , nobody would want to stay here! Except you because you know you have nowhere Else to go where you wouldnt be called a fucking monster and you know it!” I hissed back at him surprised at my own tone , he didnt do anything , he just sat there , god the tension in the air was heavy.. “I’m not really sorry I know it’s all joeys fault but you make people fear you bendy… thats why they often most cases are so hostile fearing your there .. i cant do this and i dont get why you dont just kill me , you just bring me back here everytime .. i Dont want to be here” his head lifted slightly , his gaze was pointed at me , “why do you keep me here?..” he sat up moving closer to me , i slightly moved back earning a whine from him, he kept moving closer and i kept moving back , until i hit a wall , he was gurgling something? Ink spilling off him as if he were crying , “.. ʀᴀʀᴀɢғʜᴀ.. ʟʀᴀᴠᴀ.. ʟᴏᴠᴇ.. ʜʀᴀʀɢᴀʜ ᴍɪɴᴇ..“ he was reaching out for me with his clawed hand , i shook my head , “Bendy i couldnt love you even if you werent like this.. you keep me stuck like a prisoner , you made me seperate from Audrey.. we aren’t the same species so it couldn’t work ..I’m sorry I can’t love you with all Theese barriers in the way .. “ he seemed to gurgle as his hand stopped returning to him as he sat on the floor across from me his ink spilling rapidly but recollecting onto him , he 𝑾𝒂𝒔 crying..?, he didnt make a single Sound except his ink falling and recollecting onto him , a whimper left him as he turned and left , ok that made me feel like shit but i cant handle that i cant love him. Even if he were to change … i scooped off some of his ink , looking at it for a moment before placing it on the floor , he had just left without a trace? , i need to find out what is his deal with all that? .. “Love?… mine..” something clicked, he wants me to be his mate..

As i sat there pondering, I had to make boundaries, if it were to EVER happen , he would kill me if he went on a rampage most likely.. the footsteps came ,he had returned as my heart rate and the voices arrived , but i didnt listen ,as he went into a corner of his lair , curling into a Ball his ink still pooling and reforming around him , i Got up walking over , “Bendy..?” I reached out to him stroking one of his horns , he purred before pulling away slightly , i had really upset him with what i Said.. “im sorry i was so harsh on you .. i just coudlnt help it , you wouldnt like it if joey just trapped you and made you stay all alone ..” he turned to me , before turning around to stand on Two legs , “Hello.. come sit with me wont you?” I patted in front of me , he hesitated it was obvious , he sat Down leaning his head towards me stopping to check if i would push him away, i wouldnt this time , he leaned in his head making contact with my lap , stroking his head , complete silence except his deep purrs , he was staring at me again , “Bendy .. listen to me okay?. If this would ever happen you would have to respect me , i dont want to do your job i am not a puppet for entertainment , i truly am flattered you would Think of me in that Way, but you need to stop manipulating me.im tired of it ..” he let out a slight whine as if to say sorry , he had moved his face up towards mine his hot breath on my face

He licked me once , as if to agree or maybe something else ? No idea , he bumped his forehead against mine , it’s slightly hurt since he was mostly solid “ow..”

He licked me again, I’m guessing he’s apologising , as he grabbed me , with such tenderness you would think it were a blanket but no it was the ink demon who was ruled to be feral aggressive, shows no mercy, yet here he was coddling me as if I would break , my neck was starting to hurt. Ow “please let me go i can walk by myself “he whimpered , he was trying to speak so I patiently waited “.. ɪ ᴄᴀʀᴇ .. ғᴏʀ . ʏ/ɴ ..” i Sighed”i know i know.. but please let me go . “ he obliged , as he sat and stared like a puppy , “your honestly like an animal.” He was gonna be a piece of work but ill make it work ..

ᴛʜᴇ ᴇɴᴅ..

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transgenderer · 2 years

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i can never decide how apologetic, in the religious sense, i want to be for the modern world. i think for the last ~5 years ive been trending more apologetic. but this makes me feel uncomfortable, cruel sometimes. except obviously i dont think the modern world is *optimal*, its subtler than that. its more like, the ways the organization of the modern world is suboptimal, its mostly not because its benefiting a handful, or like the world-equivalent of a handful, some 0.1%, over the rest of the world. its mostly because its benefiting some large group, if not the majority than a significant minority, in such a way that the cost/benefit tradeoff for the whole population is bad OR a better way is possible but not taken less so for dastardly reasons and moreso because changing systems is difficult and costly.

so like for example the way housing works in the US is bad, and i think it would be better on net if housing wasnt an investment, if there was not an expectation house value would always rise, if there was way more construction, etc, but the current order benefits homeowners, who *are* a majority of the population. of course this isnt always true. i think the massive underuse of nuclear power is just straightforwardly suboptimal in a way that doesnt benefit a significant population (i mean, it SORT OF benefits fossil fuel workers, but 1) theyre <1% of the pop, and 2) i think they would be better off in the long run).

or like, for example the senate sucks and is dumb and like a gardener from outside the system coming down and creating the Republic wouldnt include it, but also like shitty compromises between existing power structure is what new governments ARE, theres sort of a realpolitik sense in which the real sin of the senate is not actually representing power accurately, thus creating a drive for violent reorganization of the system, in the model where the virture of democracy is approximately representing real power such that you dont need a war to figure out who would win in material conflict, you can just take a vote to get a barometer

anyway so like an example where i feel conflicted is the financial indsutry. how much is the financial industry like, doing something, helping to distribute resources optimally, and how much is it pure economic parasitism. the apologetics side of me wants to get a bit chestertons fencey, say its probably serving some role, and while it might not be optimal we should be slow to assume its total or significantly parasitism. but i think a total reflexive urge to defend the modern world is obviously going to lead to some defending of ghoulishness. and like, im in an economic/social position that i benefit from a lot of modern ghoulishness! so yknow. that makes me doubt my own judgement. but i also feel like...when someone points out "this is suboptimal" im usually pretty convinced, but when they say "this modification would make it better" im usually pretty unconvinced. not always, but often enough that i feel like theres some meaningful sense we're at like...not a local maximum, but something sort of LIKE a local maximum? like if youre imagining the current organization of society as some point in a very high dimensional space, and you take the gradient of the "goodness" function of society at that point, its gonna be close to 0 in most axes yknow? idk, maybe thats a stupid mathy way to think of it. but im trying to get across a sort of "difficult to locally maximize" property

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infinite-wanders · 2 years

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Never Have I Ever ...

Over analysed a TV trailer and its subsequent stills (Devi x Paxton heavy)

Previous theories here and here

For @seeyoumondaydevi @kcollgewoman23

3x01 - NHIE ... been slut shamed

Spoiler alert if you havent read the s3 e1 table read >>> Most of the trailer comes from episode one.

We have the Daxton entrance; the mean girls slut shaming Devi in the bathroom; the girls in Devi's room talking about (who's not) having sex; Devis boyfriend party session with Dr Ryan; Daxton make out sessions at Devi's and a failed one post date at Paxton's garage.

3x02 - NHIE ... had my own troll

The popularity that Devi had longed for isn't all it's cracked up to be, as the hate and jealousy of others start to trigger her buried insecurities and traumas.

The Gossip Girl blasts from Lady Whistleboy are coming it hot.

Will we finally find out what the anonymous text means? My bet is still it being Paxton's biggest fan, Trent Harrison.

I think the "we don't make sense" conversation happens early in the season as Daxton navigate the roller-coaster that is their first serious relationship. They reconcile and survive their first bf/gf fight ... but it starts going down down in an earlier round (will they go down swinging?)

3x03 NHIE ... had a Valentine

Hoping for some love all round in the form of Treleanor and Kamanish (is that what were calling Kamala and Mr K now? Idk you tell me).

Anyway, Paxton makes her dinner and it's too cute. The little things. Like ya know he got those roses from the garden and put it in a beer cup cause he couldn't find a vase.

However, it doesnt end well as per Devi’s expression pictured right. Nalini busts them (finally, cause how long can Devi get away with him in her room). As memory serves, she does not approve of Paxton.

Nalini starts running interference with a goal to set Devi up with whom Nalini hopes to be her future SIL - Super hot, Stanford bound, Des.

Devi is in big trouble which is why she has conditions to attend next episode's party.

3x04 - NHIE ... made someone jealous

So now it's confirmed this is when we are first introduced to Des, and 100% not an uggo.

Raise your hand if you felt personally victimised when it's revealed who she was really looking at with wide eyes.

In the same episode theme, this could also be a possibility of Aneesa's jealousy rising. Please don't do my girl dirty, she deserves the world too.

3x05 NHIE ... been ghosted

The fallout of ep 4 ... oh dear, looks like we may have a character arc backslide by P.H.Y in this one. Let's hope not. My soft boy deserves growth. Protect at all costs.

Maybe this is when we'll have more Treleanor to balance the drama. If the play is Romeo and Juliet ... so help me God. I love it but also a bit on the nose?

3x06 NHIE ... had a breakdown

"What do you have to lose? Certainly not your dignity."

Her mind.

She's is absolutely going to lose her mind and shit.

3x07 NHIE ... cheated

I thought I read that he appears in ep 8 but for now I'm going to assume it's 7. Deacon Phillippe will appear as Parker, Devi’s debate team rival from a well-funded private school, he’s able to coast through debate tournaments thanks to his school’s advantages and is always down to party.

I assume Addison makes their appearance in the same episode ❤️ played by Terry Hu, a non-binary person from the local private school, bringing more than impressive trivia skills to the group.

Please Mindy and Lang >> No physical or emotional cheating. Idc if it's academics, debate, or even board games!

Lets not do the old once a cheater always a cheater.

3x08 - NHIE ... hooked up with my boyfriend

In the words of Poorna herself:

🍆 + 🌶 = s3

Same nerds. New Drama.

Like I said, we get it. The D's V card gets swiped.

And in my favourite twist, it's revealed Paxton is also a virgin.

3x09 untitled / 3x10 untitled

So as I've written this, I've realised Daxton will experience some relationship obstacle or challenge each episode.

Pressures of sex, feelings of incompatibility, family members that don't approve of you, jealousy and insecurities of other people that you think your partner likes more, lack of communication, shutting down / shutting out, having a partner that is not in a healthy state of mind, general cheating, actual intimacy.

The last two eps will address the outcome and also whether we see Paxton graduate this year.

And from here it will go one of two ways:

1) Endgame.

2) First love, but not last love.

#excuse my rollercoaster analysis #nhie #observations and theories #never have i ever season 3 #never have i ever netflix #devi vishwakumar #paxton hall yoshida #eleaner wong #trent harrison #nalini vishwakumar #aneesa qureshi #fabiola torres

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grox · 2 years

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The world is so small. And everything will be gone, even that which we work so hard to archive. I wish I could put every singl human memory, every insigificant moment, the hisory of every single grain of sand, just lock it up in a flash drive that cant even be destroyed by the sun. I find it unfair that time, even on a scale so insanely wide that it literally doesnt matter to any of us, will be over. Every single thing will die. I find it hard to take comfort in this. I don't want things to end. The scale of human suffering and joy upsets me, the existence of every single thing upsets me. If every moment was worth a billion moments it would not matter. If immortality was avaliable to us it would not mater. I guess realizing this has shaken me somewhat. I'm very disillusioned about the 100% chance that I will die. I cant imagine myself actually dying. I cant imagine my friends dying. I've come to terms that I'll die a nobody, no human makes history in the grand scheme of things. But I cant comorehend that I'll sctually die. I'm scared of heaven, and even more scared of hell. I think, to not exist at all would be worse than hell. To suffer is to at least remain conscious, and even the worst pain imaginable, scaling eith tolersnce, is something. My greatest fear in hell would for the torture to be over. My greatest fear im heaven would be for heaven to be over. We dont know how eternal any of that is, weve only had it for as long as weve had ourselves. Even coming back to earth in a new body, or remaining as a ghost, if this awareness remains it will not be good. I'm having trouble finding a reason to even remain alive now that I know how completely worthless this is in the long run. I'm scared out of my mind because of it. My parents will die, so will my peers. Any suffering I give them with my death wont matter. I wont kill myself. It's a heartbreaking feeling to lose a friend. Its torture to not know if the last thinf you said to someone will truly be the last. Its horrendous. But that brings me to another point. Would me killing myself just be like ripping the bandaid off? What's it matter if were old and shitty ornyoing and shitty? I dont want to be old. I'll never find peace. Every action I take will add up. I can pretend the past self is seperate from the present now, but sich way of thinking is a poison. It'll get me whem I'm old, when I've either served my purpose or failed to do so. Every time I realize that earth is a planet I get nauseous in a physichal sense. Like I'm on a rollercoaster, I feel my stomach move. Part of me wishes to have been born a bug that inherently knows its born to die. A human has to learn, and a human wants to fight it. I don't want to fight it, but I can't accept it. I don't want to die in an accident, I don't want to die without people knowing. But I cant choose that, can I? Any time I leave the house I have to acknowlege it. Just the general laws of happnings. A murderer could break in tonight, and cut off my head. My house could collapse. Will anyone mourn me? What if my car crashes? What if a stray bullet gets me? What if my body realizes that it kinda sucks, and kills itself without my cosent? I don't want to die. I don't want to lose my influnce over things. The point of a living human is to create stories, and to have witnesses so their story remains. What will I do when nobody remembers me after I'm gone? Sulk about it? Kill myself? I don't know. I'd sure like to try. I don't care anymore I think I was just having a woman moment- no, elderly dementia atack. Get out of here

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jaccsonhyde · 1 year

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finally finished perez's wonder woman run, have a lotta feelings on it. i love it, first and foremost. perez you could tell was a writer who deeply cared about diana as a character and respected her and her ideals and i love the groundwork he set up that was set to be the basis for the character for a long long time.

diana herself i think was overall really well done, you could feel how much she cares but she also gets to be genuinely powerful and smart when she needs to.

i really like julia and vanessa kapetalis in this run, i love that wonder woman gets a concrete family and essentially base of operations and i like how relatively grounded both the characters were. vanessa sometimes was just a caricature of Every Teen Girl through the lens of an adult man which was funny but by the latter half i was surprised by the shift her character shift being about her mental health and such. julia ofc is just a really grounded, level headed parent figure for diana and it works for diana as her intro to mans world. i know the kapetalis' will be dropped shortly and im not looking forward to that

steve and etta are... pretty boring. i dont have many opinions on them one way or the other im mostly ambivalent to their story and romance but i do at least like them

hermes was one of my favorite characters of the run and i loved his relationship with diana when it wasnt romantic. a major question of the book is essentially "Are dianas gods worthy of her and everything she does for them?" and of course diana and every amazon would answer yes, so imagine my surprise when hermes comes in and says no actually, theyre not, himself included. i like the mutual respect they garner for each other and i especially like how towards the end of it, diana speaks to hermes rather bluntly. instead of in a way of reverence, more in the way of an equal. she questions him and his plans irt the dr psycho arc and he listens to her and complies which while it doesnt sound like a lot, this was someone she worshipped. to see them develop from patron/worshipper to comrades in arms was one of the highlights of the whole run for me. and it helps hes the only olympian consistently willing to stick his neck out for diana.

the amazons and themyscira themselves i overall like buuuut overall wish more was done with them and we explored more of their complexities. i like seeing how diana essentially reflects them and their ideals, how you could see where she learned specific traits from. the question of are the gods worthy of diana is briefly expanded to include the amazons as a whole instead of just diana which makes sense but didnt go far enough. thats a common complaint with perez's themyscira. when heracles was brought back and hippolyte forgives him, i wont necessarily say that was a misstep, i think it works, and i know for a fact george knows of the complexities of this topic, he brings them up more than once through the voice of my favorite of the amazons from the run, Hellene, whos shown to be a naysayer to diana and essentially her philosophical antagonist. shes rarely ever mean about it but she often voices really good opposing points to dianas sentiments. irt heracles, she asks, are they all obligated to forgive their abusers? does this mean men have a free pass to abuse women but be absolved as soon as they apologize? and to me it shows that georges heart was in the right place but its equally frustrating as these questions mostly serve to lampshade the complexities of the topic and just acknowledge them rather than actually explore them. it becomes even more frustrating when hellene herself is killed off screen right before war of the gods. a really interesting character that imo shouldnt have died especially as she filled a really important role among the amazons. the rest of the named amazons are mostly fine i dont have many major issues or opinions on them.

the bana mighdall, however, are a whole different story. an idea of georges that couldve been so so interesting and been a step further into hellene's ideas that instead becomes a vehicle of racist caricature upon racist caricature. the idea of an amazon faction that became disillusioned with the gods and the amazon's secluded ways that they go to mans world to try and enact real change, no matter what, couldve been such a good foil to themyscira as a whole which couldve made both factions incredibly well rounded. instead we get a bunch of gray skinned misandrist barbarians whos main driving force is a lust for blood. i dont wanna rant too much on them or else ill get legitimately angry, all I'll say is the bana deserved better.

as for the series other villains, lets blaze through some first. ares is barely a villain imo, hes more of an origin story and works well as one. eris was a fun villain for that one arc where diana takes a bunch of global representatives to themyscira. decays a cool concept but not much more. dr psycho. cheetahs alright but bordering on very ableist tropes and in general the cheetah isnt often an interesting villain to me. valerie beaudry's silver swan is proooobably my favorite iteration of the villain, both in story and in costume, i think shes so pretty and i wish shed show up more

CIRCE! if you know me, you know circes one of my favorite dc characters ever so seeing her completely in power here was amazing. i love everything about this character. i love her haughty, devillish personality, i love her stupidly convoluted and endlessly cruel plans. i really love her simple green robe design from this run. i love her as a complete opposite of diana in almost every single way. i love her dialog i love her motivations i love every panel shes in i just simply love love love this character and cant wait to see more of her eventually.

overall im so glad i went and started reading this era of wonder woman. i miss george perez every single day im reminded of him and i love him and the work he left in this world. i cant wait to continue the volume and i especially cant wait to eventually reread cassies first appearances

#dc #diana prince #wonder woman #george perez #wonder woman volume 2

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