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total-drama-brainrot · 1 month

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TD World Tour AU, where Noah doesn't tell Owen that Alejandro is an eel in London... In Area 51, Noah is accidentally splashed with an alien truth potion (which wears off after a few days) and he talks to Owen... Owen asks Noah what he truly thinks about Alejandro, and Truth-Potion Affected Noah says this: "I have mixed feelings for Alejandro. He's a brilliant, interesting guy and I like him, but I don't trust him. He's like a slippery eel dipped in grease, swimming in motor oil. Basically, Heather with social skills. Wait a minute, why am I telling you this?!"... What if Alejandro secretly heard Noah call him all those conflicting things + Alejandro also learns that Noah is affected with an alien truth potion? 👽

Alright, you got me. I'm an absolute sucker for truth potion plots, especially when the character(s) effected by them are usually either pathological liars or incredibly secretive- of which Noah absolutely falls into the second category, given he shares so little personal information.

I'll gloss over why Noah declined to shit-talk Alejandro in London (though there's so many ways this change in behaviour could be justified) since the focal point of this hypothetical centred around their time in Nevada, so let's start from the beginning of the Area 51 challenge.

Area 51:

Before we start, it'll have to be established that no one was eliminated in London. Let's say that the majority vote went towards Duncan (team CIRRRRH voted him out immediately because they found his re-admission to the competition unfair, I guess. I imagine he'd also vote himself, if not as a plan to escape the competition he'd been actively skiving from, then just as an act of spite) but Chris instead claimed it was a rewards challenge- much like he does in Greece- because he doesn't want to let Duncan slip away again so soon.

I see no reason to alter the first part of the challenge- the sneaking into Area 51 portion- since team CIRRRRH's course of entry is fairly straightforward. Noah's presence doesn't make much of a difference to how it would play out; the majority of them throw their rocks and run, Owen gets lasered over the fence and Owen-napped, ect ect.

When both teams have managed to make their way into the Black Box Warehouse, Noah immediately suggests they should prioritise rescuing Owen. Tyler's quick to agree, since he's a firm believer in the "no man left behind" mentality (and he probably makes a not-so-subtle jab towards Noah for his chance of tune compared to London, where both he and Owen did leave Tyler behind) leaving Duncan and Alejandro to split from the group- Duncan in search of Gwen, and Alejandro just takes the opportunity to finally be free from his 'incompetent teammates' and prioritises finding an artifact.

Noah and Tyler come across the contraption Owen's trapped in, Tyler punches it in a futile effort to break it open, and the face hugger cube drops into Noah's hands. This is where the point of divergence comes into play; Tyler has his E.T. moment with one of the face huggers, but Noah- who's a tad bit more observant than Alejandro, and used to dodging surprise attacks from his various older siblings (and Izzy)- anticipates his own face hugger attack and promptly starts a game of cat-and-mouse with a taser alien hot on his heels.

The commotion of which attracts the rest of his team. Alejandro and Duncan arrive on the scene to see Tyler being electrocuted by an alien and Noah running in circles evading another.

Duncan attempts to rip the face hugger from Tyler's face, finding success at the cost of sending Tyler trampling into Owen's captive contraption (essentially taking Alejandro's canonical place in this scene) and inadvertently freeing Owen.

Meanwhile, Alejandro swipes up the nearest box he can find and snags the alien chasing Noah, who's still very loudly panicking as he flees, and succeeds! The alien is swiftly captured into the box, netting team CIRRRRH their artifact, and Noah promptly goes careening into the nearest tower of junk in his face hugger-fuelled hysteria. This causes another box to topple from the peak of the tower, landing directly on Noah's head and spilling its contents onto the bookworm- glass vials filled with a mysterious, luminescent cobalt blue liquid shatter into pieces drenching Noah in whatever they contained. (i.e. truth potion.)

Owen has his false-amnesia moment, characterised by his Joker makeover, and Alejandro enacts his revenge post-hypnotic suggestion after being addressed as "Al" one too many times.

Noah, understandably, swiftly objects to Owen's treatment and demands that Alejandro snap him out of it. Alejandro concedes, and Owen's brought back to himself. At least, for a moment, before the fatigue of having his mind messed with sends Owen into near-catatonia (the same as canon), meaning he has to be ferried through the Warehouse and back to the Jet by Alejandro and Duncan.

Things carry on canonically from there; Noah's just sort of there for the most part, though there'd be a minor hint to his newfound proclivity for honesty. Something along the lines of him giving an uncharacteristically honest answer to Owen as to who he's voting- Tyler, of course, since he was the one who ultimately threw the challenge for them... and also because Tyler still holds some resentment towards Noah for what happened in London, and Noah feels guilty about it every time he looks at the jock. Wait, why did he say that?

Sometime between this and the elimination scene, Noah wipes the truth-goop off of himself, but not before the effects have already started.

Tyler's voted out, yada yada yada.

The Jet:

Thus begins the start of "Picnic at Hanging Dork". Team CIRRRRH, consisting of just Alejandro, Duncan, Owen and Noah, are slumming it up in the Economy Cabin. Alejandro tries to rally his team by asking how to break apart Courtney and Heather's tentative co-operation. Owen suggests having Alejandro seduce Heather, since it worked for both Bridgette and Leshawna. Duncan makes his "Babe Olympics" comment. Noah pipes up that playing with someone's feelings is pretty scummy, even for someone competing for a million dollars.

Alejandro takes Noah's reluctance towards his methodology poorly; he hadn't spoken up before, when Alejandro had utilized the same strategy against other girls- and even Owen noticed that, so surely Noah did too- so why was he to outwardly against him using the same tricks? Duncan agrees, and offers ''his'' idea of having Alejandro flirt with Courtney to throw both her and Heather off their games (since Heather has an obvious crush on Alejandro), and things follow canon.

Then, the scene between Alejandro and Courtney happens. Noah scoffs at the display from the side lines, prompting Owen to ask him why he's so against Alejandro's plan.

"I mean, you never said anything before, when he flirted with Bridgette and Leshawna." Owen comments, light-hearted in nature but with an underlying questioning tone.

Noah's eyes flicker with a cobalt glow, easily mistaken for a trick of the light, and he speaks without even thinking.

"Yeah, because I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. Bridgette was happenstance, and Leshawna's whole deal could've been a coincidence, or some massive misunderstanding. But this?" Noah extends an accusing hand out towards a smug looking Alejandro, then pans it over to a flattered Courtney, "He's outright toying with Courtney's feelings after she was cheated on in front of an international audience. It's scummy."

Owen nods in understanding, momentary contemplation evident in the pouted curve of his lips, and he chimes in.

"Does that mean you don't like Al?"

"I never said that."

"Well, how do you feel about him, then?"

Again, a flash of blue light against the hickory backdrop of Noah's eyes, and he responds thoughtlessly.

"I guess I have mixed feelings about him. On the one hand, he's slippery, like an eel dipped in grease, swimming in motor oil. He's like if you took all of the worst aspects of Heather, wrapped them up in a pretty package, and gave them social skills..." He holds his hands out before him in a scale-like manner, with the left tipped downwards and tie right raised by his chin. Then, the two hands swap positions.

"And on the other hand, he's brilliant. I've never met anyone as talented as Alejandro; he's smart, he's athletic, he's funny. It's almost unfair just how perfect everything about him is- even his face is perfect. It's ridiculous! Infuriating, even. It's so hard to dislike him, even when I know he's bad news, but that doesn't mean I trust him."

Owen stands slack jawed beside his best friend, both impressed and stunned at the raw honesty of Noah's tirade. Noah, now a little more aware of himself, realises that he's said more than he intended to- more than he thinks he's ever spoken in one go throughout the entirety of Total Drama. He's not usually one for speeches, after all, let alone honest ones.

He's always been the type to play his cards close to his chest, so why...?

"I, uh, didn't mean to go off like that."

And he also didn't mean to admit it, either. What was going on?

The look Owen gives him is, in a word, vivid. The blonde has a shit-eating grin stretching across his face, a sort of elated smugness practically glowing from his features.

"Sounds like someone has a cruuuush!~"

What? No? No! Not at all, where would Owen even get that idea?!

Noah splutters to correct Owen's assumption (to disastrous results, because he does sort-of has a crush on Alejandro, so the truth potion doesn't allow him to outright deny it), and in his preoccupied state he misses how a calculating pair of sage green eyes never seems to stray from him.

Alejandro has a lot to think about in regards to a certain cynic, it seems.

#I'd like to apologise for taking this idea and running with it.#Cutting myself off here before I breach 2k+ words or else I'll be here all day.#Sort of entered actual Writing Mode at the end there instead of Outline Mode but this idea is. So Full Of Potential I couldn't help myself.#But from here it'd basically be Alejandro using his newfound knowledge of Noah's crush on him to his advantage.#Whilst Noah's doing his best (and failing) to deny that he has any feelings for Alejandro.#Eventually leading to the two of them having a Bonding Moment where Alejandro gets Noah to divulge some personal information.#And in turn- or an effort to garner some trust (to be abused later)- Alejandro also lets himself be vulnerable towards Noah.#Something something Alejandro tries to use Noah as a pawn but ends up catching feelings of his own.#Then of course the potion wears off and Noah goes back to being just as prickly and standoffish as he was before.#A point of conflict maybe? Imagine bearing your soul out to someone only for them to close themself off to you not even days afterwards.#...Also imagine being practically forced to divulge information about yourself to someone you don't trust because of a truth potion.#Oh yeah. That's some good angst material right there.#Especially is you have Alejandro be- if not fully aware- than at least suspect that Noah's not being agreeable on his own terms.#Anon why have you given me The Thoughts?? I can't keep brainstorming AUs when I already have fics to work on!!#ophe's ranting in the tags again #total drama #td noah #td alejandro #team chris is really really really really hot #alenoah #-ish #silly ideas #other's ideas #long post #replies #kinda drafty in here (posts from the drafts)

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flowerytale · 2 months

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me: haven't posted regularly for a while. also me: convinced that everyone on this site hates me for this reason. the whole world: *barely noticed I ever existed *

#still not sure about this #the way I miss this site but also I feel like I don't have nothing to say anymore #even use others people beautiful words it's difficult right now #I don't know what I feel #It's like I have so many words inside myself and they are trying to come out in some way but it's too much all in once #so in the end they are useless and incomprehensible #I'm very chaotic even while I try to explain my feelings #I'm so sorry #ignore me

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mewtwo24 · 4 months

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Something about Hua Cheng's expression here is killing me--I know this is supposed to be a delicate moment of reassurance but the pure hater energy radiating off of him is just immaculate

#tgcf #hua cheng #xie lian #hualian #words cannot express how much I love hua cheng being a hater #hua cheng in this pic is that energy when you keep spamming the A button when an npc you don't like won't stop talking #like his face when lang qianqiu keeps going on and on about his parents meeting an untimely unjust and grisly end #is so 'it was hundreds of years ago and it wasn't even gege's fault for fucks sake grow up'#'leave my goddamn wife alone he raised you with love and diligence'#'you had your bloody revenge what more do you want. figure it out far away from us.'#spoken like a true ghost king who slaps eming every single time it expresses a single inconvenient emotion he has #every day i have to resist the urge to gush about hc he's just hilarious and peak every single time i love him #no notes just banger after banger after banger #that's the face of a man who was orphaned as a child and clawed his way through life to survive and keep his loved one alive + well #a bastion of unmoving strength for 800 years #unmoved by the whining of a young man born with everything and mourning the loss of his innocence way past his expiration date #10/10 hua cheng you've done it again #hc said 'oh? a traumatic life event? we have several dozens of those git gud'#and honestly i mean that with no malice i just feel like lang qianqiu is old enough to start parsing the world in a more nuanced way ;;;;;#as much as xl thought lying to him was the best outcome hc was right--the truth d o e s matter--and not just to absolve xl #its also about giving lang qianqiu closure and moving on. about qi rong facing the consequences of his actions #so much of what is wrong with the heavenly court is the obsession with maintaining appearances over being sincere #and so much of what hc adores about xl is that xl was never really interested in those empty words and empty sentiments #he truly wanted people to prosper and live well no matter the cost to himself

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fili-the-jester · 4 months

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The more I think about Azure Lion, the more uncomfortable I feel about him

#fili jesting #lego monkie kid #lmk #lmk azure lion #not that I don't think he's a good character #but when I think more in-depth about him and his relationship with swk #I see how he essentially seems to have manipulated swk for his own goals and than he manipulates qxt and his friends #and how he isn't even like lbd who is openly antagonistic #he seems like he's nice but than he just smiles as he's imprisoned qxt's mentor and than he blames qxt for trying to get swk back #he seems like a 'the end justifies the means' kind of guy #and he did seem to have somewhat good intentions #but good intentions isn't a justification for manipulating and hurting people #and lmk is known for having unreliable narrators #and while I do think that there was some truth to azure's words during the flashback he showed qxt #namely the heaven not aiding humans and letting demons hurt them without regard #but he is also trying to get sympathy from qxt about himself and his goals #even when he seems like he's being honest #he's manipulating people and trying to get their sympathy so they'll go along with what he wants #and when he's not doing that he's praising people and putting them on pedestals like he did with swk #he uses flattery as a form of manipulation and he played right into swk's own pride to manipulate him #idk #might be overanalyzing but I am having thoughts

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invinciblerodent · 4 months

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Another case of the "I'm not done"-s seems to have possessed me, because the immortality and rebirth of elven souls and this fucking elf/vampire!elf romance I'm doing right now is kind of ruining me.

Because, well... look.

This shit is ripe for angst.

For so long, there is no real reason to think much about the passage of time. Death, it's but an abstract far in the future- a bridge to be burned when they get to it. It's easy enough to practically forget that mortality is a thing to account for: with both the endless stretch of centuries they have and her body as unchanging as his, that thought can be kicked further down the road for what feels like it might even be an indefinite amount of time. Their lives just inch along, endlessly, and twine together like the roots of an ancient forest, building around- and with one another. Friends come and go, live and die, and yet, every moment, every day, is permeated by the other's presence: even in their "sleep", they're reliving shared memories (there is scarcely another kind, by now) while holding one another.

Talking about which of their adventures they chose to remember in Reverie is one of his favorite parts of the night.

Until one evening, as she opens her eyes to greet both him and the nightfall with a smile, he catches... just the faintest opaque, silvery glint in her pupils. It's barely a flash, gone in an instant, as if it was merely a trick of the light, but the thought, like a pesky insect, begins buzzing in his head. It will not let him rest.

With this new thought gnawing at him, he can't not see that there's almost a... strange distance, to her now. Even with this hazy half-awareness, it would have slipped his note if he hadn't come to know her quite so intimately over the past half millenium, if he hadn't memorized her cadence and heard her every loving thought as if it was his own. But he's attuned to her: even as her fingers glide through his hair, and her lips speak her words of love like they have so many times before, the same words, they... ring slightly hollow, robotic, automatic in their sweetness now, and once the dreaded Sun begins inching over the horizon and he's forced back into the shadows once more, her kiss goodbye lingers just one second longer, she holds him just a touch tighter before she'd be out the door.

All day, he circles the darkened room like a trapped animal, mind flush with thoughts of robotic words, silver glints, and a creeping dread. Surely, it cannot be what he thinks. It cannot. It wasn't a half-moon, it's not the Transendence, it was merely a... a reflection off something, moonlight bouncing off a silvered picture frame, or the twinkle of a magelight lighting the street glancing through an improperly closed curtain, a... a stomach bug that she's toughing out and is too stubborn to say anything about, something. It cannot be what he thinks, fears that it was.

The day drags on, the hour he'd expect her back comes and then passes, and when she returns, it is closer to sundown than it normally would be. Usually when she must leave for the day, she tries to time her return so that they can rest together, and then emerge from their chambers at the exact moment of nightfall to maximize the amount of time shared, the time he can walk free with her on his arm, but today, she returns with darkness on her heels, and bittersweet sorrow marring her face.

"Arael, we need to talk," she says, and the beloved endearment in their shared native tongue, 'heart' and 'hearth', 'center' and 'lover' in a single word, turns to acid in his ears. Instantly, he knows what she's going to say.

"How long have you known." It's not a question in tone, only phrasing- the hiss of his own voice feels alien in his throat. "When were you planning on telling me."

"It's been... a few days."

A few days. A few days, she's been...! He can't bring himself to think the word 'dying'. He can't. His knees give way under the weight of her words, and he crumples onto the nearest chair.

"You.... should have told me right away." He wants so dearly to be furious. His hands itch to rip, to tear, to destroy everything, his tongue aches to spit bile that'd make her feel exactly the pain he does in this moment... Gods, it was so easy to grow complacent and start believing in forever, to stop counting the hours, the days, the years, and still, it's her godsdamned near-forgotten mortality that's come knocking-- now, that his life is inexorably intertwined with hers, that she's been the other half of his soul for long enough to see the birth and death of friends and enemies, the rise and fall of monarchs, nations. And yet, her life's thread is soon to be clipped, while his must stretch on, infinite.

He buries his face in itching palms and swallows the bile to make room for the flood of grief. "I could have prevented this," he whispers now, "We could have had the chance, at forever... forever, if I could have turned you, if only I had-- if I--"

A soft hand on his shoulder stills him now. "Arael," she repeats, and traces a line to his chin, gently urging him to look at her. "I could not have dreamed of a more blissful, blessed life, than the one I shared with you. But--"

"Don't say it!" She winces as he snaps, and his hand is now grasping her wrist, insistent, hard enough to almost hurt, as he presses her palm against his cheek. "Don't, it's not over yet-- she may be calling, but you don't have to answer, you can stay--"

"I can't, my love."

"But--!"

"Arvandor is calling my soul, Astarion. The Gate is open. Sehanine has shown me; I must answer."

"But not yet, there's still time, you--!"

Her thumb gliding feather-light over his lips cuts off his desperate shout. "I have time enough to get my affairs in order," she says, her voice barely above a whisper, "but I can delay it no longer than maybe another tenday. For now, please... simply be with me."

That night, they make love. Tender, aching love that leaves them both tearful in one another's arms- his whole body shakes, racked with heavy sobs as he buries his face in her chest, as if that way he could melt into her, to keep her here, keep her safe, keep her for himself, or... or follow her, anchor his soul to hers, stow away and smuggle himself into the afterlife that rejected him, so they can be reborn together, find one another again, have another six hundred years, and another, and another...

Hopeless. A fool's desperation, no more. There's no tricking the Seldarine: he had rejected rebirth in favor of this wretched, eternal half-life the moment Cazador's fangs sunk into his flesh so long ago now, and his soul was rent from Arvandor. There's no changing that now, no fighting it, and no putting it off longer either. So he kisses her through the sobs once more, makes love to her once more, and drinks deep from her once more, willing his tongue to carve this memory of her taste, her essence, her love as deep into his mind as it may.

She takes the promised tenday to get her affairs in order, and to set up all that may only be done during sunlit hours: she organizes herself a nighttime funeral, arranges for her assets to be dealt with as she may, and makes sure to hold him tight, to mourn with him as if she herself wasn't the one dying. And each night, she speaks sweet, reassuring nonsense of the permanence of memory, of rebirth, and the aching, heartrending beauty of gentle endings.

And once no more minutiae is left to handle, there is no more delaying the inevitable.

She is laid to rest in a modest ceremony, in a small circle of trusted friends, under the light of a waning moon.

He mourns, bitter and alone, for years- barely leaving his chambers out of necessity, flitting through the nights as a ghost not entirely unlike the one he was so long ago, until one evening he wakes to find the pain... bearable. There will quite possibly never not be a wound on his soul now, but even the deepest wounds, they scar over: there's new, tender flesh, pink and gnarled, stretching over the void of her absence now. And life, it continues as it does, relentless.

Decades pass. The new flesh, it toughens, thickens, until it can scarcely be seen, unless you know where to look for it: the loss now lives only in the absent-minded seeking of her warmth in his cold slumber, in the automatic gesture of taking two wine glasses from the cabinet only to set one back down; it lives behind the locked door of her untouched workshop and in the slip of parchment left between the yellowed pages of the book she had never finished reading.

Until one evening, shortly after nightfall, there is a knock, hard and insistent, on the door.

His body redies itself for a fight, as if a hunter might be so bold as to announce their arrival- but curiosity, it's too hard to resist, and he scarcely makes an effort.

It's... an elf. But not any elf- a woman, younger, taller, and fuller in figure than she was, and her hair, it's a tightly curled warm chestnut rather than her blood-red waves, but it's unmistakable: her features, they are exactly the same. The same fire amber eyes, the same freckles dotting her cheekbones, even the same raised mark at the edge of her jaw that sits there like an insect had folded its wings and chosen to make its home on her skin. And the stranger speaks, with her voice, before he could find his own.

"So you do live!" she says, equal parts disbelieving and relieved, "Or, well, something like that. I could tell that you were a vampire, from the-" she gestures vaguely to his face, "-fangs and all, but I still wasn't sure I'd ever actually find you."

There's... a prickle of understanding. It's her, but... not quite. Her soul. Her, but born anew. And she returned in a way, to reminisce, to meet him once more- and his mouth opens, but the words, wary and elated and tender at the same time, get lost on their way to his lips.

It's an imperfect replica of her laugh that leaves the woman's mouth. "Gods, don't gape at me like a beached carp like that! I've been seeing nothing but your damn face in my trance for decades now; I was looking for you, hoping you could answer some questions I have." The familiar stranger flashes her mischievous smile. "Can I come in? I feel we have a lot to talk about."

There is no love in this. But, there's nevertheless something... bolstering, in the unique opportunity he can present to the new owner of her soul: the opportunity to get to know, truly know, who she once was. Halting and strange as it may be, they do talk quite a long time, and when she leaves, it's with gratitude, and a short, awkward, one-armed hug that she bids her farewell.

And time stretches, infinite yet again.

As long as he may live, her soul, it continues seeking his across however many lifetimes, until one day, the strange elf finds the door in their hazy memories hanging off its hinges, and the home, collapsed and empty, maybe for decades now.

Occasionally, it is still said that in each generation, there may very well be an elf born whose soul feels an irresistible need to make a curious, solitary pilgrimage to the ruins of a city once known as Baldur's Gate, and hope against hope to find a pale man with red eyes wandering the empty streets.

And maybe, a woman who had once lived there so many centuries ago was right: there's an aching, heartrending kind of beauty in that.

#squirrel plays bg3 #squirrel writes #astarion #astarion x tav #baldur's gate 3 #look it's the closest thing to actual fic that I've written in like 6 years #there needs to be a Cool Internet Slang Abbreviation for 'head in my hands'#i've decided right this second that i'm going to make it happen and just use 'himh'#himh take this away from me #i feel a weird urge to add just one or two more words because this is 2022 words it seems #but even though it's def not perfect i kinda don't want ot keep touching it #ANYWAY have quick and dirty and hastily written angsty fluff sometime far far far into the future

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nerevar-quote-and-star · 2 months

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Trying to transliterate Leara's name into Quenya, and it somehow becomes, uh,

Lëarra

Which basically means "You Sealion!"

And I'm just, "Oh yes, this is That Sealion Woman, and she can breathe fire, as all sealions do."

If Leara, for any reason at all, needed an actual Quenya or Sindarin name for any fun Elvish shenanigans, we'll just use Calairie/Calearil, which is "Light of the Sea" in Quenya and Sindarin, and what Leara actually means.

#I mean yes she uses vilya as her spy name but that's elrond's ring (ps elrond is my favorite i wanted you to know)#and elanor is her middle name and what she used in the blades but that's just a flower which yeah leara is big on roses #BUT ELANOR IS ALSO SAM'S DAUGHTER I CAN'T DO THAT #how did lin manuel miranda get on my likes playlist wth oh it's moana cool cool #anyway #coining a name like artanis felagund for a character has made me so twitchy that i have to do languages right now or not at all #ever look at aldmeris/altmeris and quenya and sindarin side by side and go 'huh there are a lot of crossover words what's up with that?'#BUT YOU KNOW IT'S BECAUSE TOLKIEN IS THE FATHER OF ELVISH AND ANY OTHER ELF LANGUAGE IS GOING TO BORROW #it's like uh oh he'd hate this comparison but it's like tolkien elvish is latin/greek and TES elvish is english #but yeah i brought maglor's name over into aldmeris so leara needed to be taken into quenya and sindarin #it's totally not because i'm still thinking of that hypothetical Skyrim/lotr leara/glorfindel fic #okay i am but it's even more pipedreamy than leara/astarion #keeping count is going to be 50+ chapters I am a COLLEGE STUDENT i am so tired please help me #I'm going to go make cookies in the air fryer now like an unhinged feral fey faerie child #which is what i am in case you were wondering which i note you WEREN'T #ahem #oc: leara roseblade #languages #mod post #BUT NO HOLD ON i don't know ANY D&D ELVISH WHATSOEVER but they told me astarion means little star and it's his childhood name #and i am like obviously because 'ion' means 'son of' in Sindarin and can easily become a diminutive suffix #i am dangerous around languages i can tell you where any cow is from just on the name alone its madness (is it? is it madness?)#okay now i'm done

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arabian-batboy · 2 months

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Wanting to only give back the West Bank and Gaza to Palestinians while continuing to occupy the rest of historic Palestine and not allowing the Palestinian refugees who were ethnically-cleansed from there to return doesn't make a person any less of a Zionist from those who want to continue occupying all of Palestine from the river to the sea, no matter how much they swear they are not a Zionist.

#At least we reached a point where SOME of these colonizers are ashamed from being called Zionists #not because they don't support Zionism or the genocide of Palestinians #but because they don't want to deal with the negative connotation that comes with that word #so they will hit you with the I'm not a Zionist I just believe innocent Jews have the right to live in stolen homes :'(#but only in 75% of Palestine! The poor Palestinians deserve to keep at least 25% of their homes #because they're equally as much of a victims as us <3 #except the ones who want to return to their homes form -pre-1948 Palestine #those are evil Jew-killing monsters who should be grateful that peace-loving Israelis even want to return an inch of their land back #anyways wanna talk about Hamas?#palestine #palestinians #anti israel #anti israeli #anti zionist #anti zionism

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notmoreflippingelves · 2 months

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It's dawned on me suddenly

And for no obvious reason

That I can't go on

Living as I am.

#esteban flores #elena of avalor #disneyedit #eoaedit #don't you hate it when you have a blorbo; a million song lyrics that suit them; and no photoshop skills to speak of?#esteban flores and pierre bezukov (specifically the version in great comet) would get along great tho #the same bruised desperate heart longing for purpose and overflowing with love but no vessel to put it in (at present)#the same intellectual snobbery as a faulty mask for profound and permanent self-loathing #the same...'survivor's guilt ' isn't even the right word...it's definitely that but it's also just 'existence' guilt #like 'yes; I failed to die alongside those I love on the battlefield. but even before that; I failed at being loved in the way I wanted to'#'which is like the one job we are supposed to have as humans: to love and be loved.'#'once I'd like to think I was worthy but now I know that I am not. I have wasted my chances and made too many mistakes'#of course they both Esteban and Pierre still ARE worthy of love but it takes time and effort and willingness to change to find it #am going to try to also do something with 'dust and ashes' at some point #not to mention like my million BATB broadway; Frozen broadway and JCS lyrics that suit Esteban #myedits #mygifs #obligatory ' I used to be butter; I used to be butter; I used to be butter' joke here

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pokimoko · 10 months

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I have had it with these motherfucking spam bots on this motherfucking site.

#personal #tumblr stuff #vent post #spam bots #i've been getting like 1000 spam bot followers a day for the last few days and blocking them all is getting--dare i say--TEDIOUS #wake up. block 300 bots. go to work. come home and block 500 more bots. spend evening checking tumblr to block bots. it's becoming a chore #it's starting to feel like I offended the tumblr gods or something. this is ridiculous. but like hell will i let them win #i won't let my follower count be 50% bots. i feel like a deserve a tumblr badge or something for fending off so many bots.#tribble #the trouble with tribbles #a very apt metaphor i think for these bloody spam bots; block one and five more come to take its place #but upside: the spam bots are helping me compile a Rosetta Stone for the word 'Untitled'. woo #also if you just joined tumblr and want to follow me: for the love of god personalise your bloody blog #i don't care if you have a icon or a summary. if your blog and likes are empty i'm blocking you #because i don't trust empty blogs and i really don't have the time to sort out who's real or not right now #(though if the blog's offering free mp3s 'just click the link!' or is advertising US keto gold coast gummies i know for sure it ain't real)#but hey! good news to people who followed me in the last four days who haven't been blocked; you passed the blog captcha test #anyway just had to get this frustration out of my system; gonna go block some more bots now i guess. i'll be very happy when this stops

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godsfavoritescientist · 11 months

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Biting the bars of my enclosure about autistic ford tonight. There's something about him using vocabulary and turns of phrase that seem "outdated" or "pretentious" that feels so painfully genuine to me. When people say he talks like that just to "try to sound smart" I wish I could explain what it's like to be so ostracized from your peers growing up that you spend all your time reading instead, to the point where you pick up your way of speaking from books instead of from people. And then what it's like for people to call you out for "talking weird" over and over again, not able to wrap their heads around why the fuck you would choose more archaic or technical or formal words than the simpler ones that surely come to everyone's minds first. What it's like to have to dedicate a sizable chunk of attention to filtering through every single word you say out loud in real time before you say it, to make absolutely sure that it isn't a word people will judge you for using or make fun of you for using, just so you'll have a chance of being taken seriously. Learning through trial and error how to filter out the words that other people don't think are normal or casual enough for the conversation, even though for you, the word choice that's "natural-sounding" enough for them is the third or fourth word you came up with when searching for the right way to phrase something in your head. I wish I could explain just how long it takes to say fucking anything after spending a lifetime doing that during every single conversation, and how repetitive and long-winded you end up being when you spend so long coming up with alternative ways of saying every little thing you ever think. And I wish people realized that, at the very least for autistic people and autistic-coded characters, speech that's seen as pretentious is really just the way they talk when they're not putting in the extra effort to filter through every word they say just so others will take the time to listen.

#ford meta #actuallyautistic #everyone go read the wikipedia page for 'stilted speech' right now #long post #ford isnt very good at masking. he doesn't have the kind of (unintentional) autistic coding that is Palatable To Neurotypicals.#definitely looking-too-deeply-at-a-kid-cartoon right now but in *some* ways. a world where the majority of people think its easy to like an #-understand ford is a world that would feel safe for me to unmask in.#i truly truly hate that fully explaining my thoughts on ford requires me to say so much about myself. but god is it such a crime-#-to use a fictional character as a lens through which to try and explain to people how to be more understanding and accepting-#-of things like this.#making fun of stilted speech is so normalized that people don't even realize they're making fun of someone for being weird.#people think its Someone Thinking They're Better Than You but its something people lay awake at night wishing they could stop doing.#and yet they still end up using the Wrong Words and being labeled a Pretentious Asshole just for talking differently than the norm.#maybe there really are people out there who deliberately use big words to try and sound smarter than everyone else. I don't know.#all I know is. in a world where its pretty obvious that people who use a discongruently complex vocabulary get made fun of for doing that.#why would someone deliberately trying to impress people do something that would only get them laughed at.#sorry for being genuine on main. as if its my fault </3

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