#i don't know what's Isolating and Different about me or why i can't fit in groups

[descendant-of-evil]

Under Her Shadow| Gil LeGume

Pairing: Platonic!Gil x Mal's Sister!Reader

Word Count: 1,667

Trigger warning: this story contains themes of emotional neglect and family dysfunction.

A/N: This is my first attempt at writing a one-shot, so please don't be too harsh on me...

Summary: Basically it's a sad & lonely-reader meeting and befriending the ball-of-sunshine that is Gil LeGume...

༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ

You stand in a secluded alley on the Isle of the Lost, watching as Mal and her friends wreak havoc on the poor inhabitants of this forsaken place. You are Mal's younger sister, but it often feels like you don't even exist to your own mother, Maleficent, who openly favors Mal over you, always praising her older daughter's every move and putting her on a pedestal. Meanwhile, you are left in the shadows, feeling invisible and unwanted.

You watch as Mal struts around with her new friends, Jay, Evie, and Carlos. They are now the most infamous gang of Vks on the İsle, known as the "Core Four", and Mal is the leader. They’ve been inseparable since going on that crazy quest (that you weren’t part of) to retrieve Maleficent’s scepter: The Dragon’s Eye.

As you see them all laughing and joking together, a bitter wave of loneliness washes over you (despite knowing that deep down, you'll never fit in with them, no matter how hard you try). You have no one to talk to, no one to confide in, and no one to call a friend.

You try to approach Mal, to see if she'll pay any attention to you, but she brushes you off with a wave of her hand. She's too busy with her new friends, and you're just an afterthought. As the day wears on, you find yourself feeling more and more isolated. You watch as Mal and her friends plan their next scheme, and you know you'll never be a part of it.

Eventually, you decide to wander off on your own. You find yourself in the docks, sitting on a barrel, feeling sorry for yourself. You can't help but wonder why your mother doesn't love you as much as she loves Mal. What did you do wrong?

As you sit there, lost in your thoughts, a shadow falls over you. You look up to see a boy standing in front of you, his arms crossed over his chest. It's Gil LeGume, son of Gaston.

"What are you doing here all alone?" he asks, his voice surprisingly gentle.

You shrug your shoulders, not really knowing how to answer.

"Are you okay?" he asks, concern etched on his face.

You shake your head, tears threatening to spill over. "No," you whisper.

Gil sits down beside you, and you're surprised at how comfortable you feel around him. You've always been too disgusted by Gaston and his sons to talk to them, but Gil seems different.

"What's wrong?" he asks, his voice soft.

Trusting your instincts, you take a deep breath and tell him everything. About how Maleficent favors Mal over you, about how you feel invisible and unwanted. About how you're always left out and never included.

Gil listens intently, his eyes never leaving yours. When you're finished, he puts his arm around you, and you lean into him. It's the first time in a long time that you've felt comforted.

"You know," Gil says, "Blood-Family isn't everything. You don't need the approval of your mother to be happy."

You look up at him, surprised. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, that you shouldn't have to strive to be like Mal, for Maleficent’s approval. You don't have to follow in her footsteps. You can be your own person, and make your own choices. You can do whatever you want and be whomever you want to be… That’s what İ did and İ’ve never been happier."

You nod, feeling a glimmer of hope for the first time in a long time. Maybe he's right. Maybe you don't have to be in Mal's shadow forever.

Gil stands up, pulling you to your feet with him. "Come on," he says, "Let's go to Ursula’s Fish and Chips, I heard that the fries are on discount today."

You smile, feeling a weight lifted off your shoulders. Maybe today isn't so bad after all. And maybe, just maybe, you'll find your own place in the world, away from Mal's shadow.

As you and Gil walk through the Isle of the Lost, you start to see things in a different light. You notice people and places that you've never seen before, and you begin to realize that there's a whole world outside of Mal's group.

You and Gil sit on a bench, eating your chips and talking about everything and nothing. You tell him about your favorite things, like reading and drawing, and he tells you about his love for pirating and sports.

It's the first time in a long time that you've had a real conversation with someone, and you realize how much you've been missing out on.

When the sun starts to set, Gil walks you back to your home. You thank him for spending time with you, and he gives you a smile that makes your heart flutter.

As you walk into your house, you're surprised to see Maleficent waiting for you. She looks angry, and you feel a pang of fear in your chest.

"Where have you been, Y/N?" she demands, her eyes narrowed.

"I was just out," you say, trying to keep your voice steady.

"Out where?" she snaps.

"Just around," you say, feeling a knot form in your stomach.

Maleficent glares at you for a few more seconds before storming off, leaving you standing there, feeling small and insignificant.

You walk up to your room, closing the door behind you. You sit on your bed, staring at the wall, feeling tears sting your eyes. You thought maybe things were going to change, but now you feel like you're right back where you started.

As the night wears on, you can hear Mal and her friends laughing and having fun outside your window. You try to ignore them, but their voices carry, taunting you with their happiness.

You pull your blanket up around your shoulders, feeling alone and forgotten. You try to remind yourself of what Gil said earlier, that you don't need to be like Mal or her friends, that you can make your own choices.

But it's hard to believe that when you feel so unloved and unwanted.

Eventually, you fall asleep, but your dreams are plagued with visions of Mal and Maleficent, both of them looking down on you with disdain.

When you wake up in the morning, you feel drained and exhausted. You don't want to face another day of feeling like you don't belong.

But then you remember Gil's words, and you decide to try to take his advice. You grab a notebook and start to write, letting your imagination run wild.

As the day wears on, you find yourself getting lost in your poetry, forgetting about the world outside your bedroom window.

You're surprised when you hear a knock on the balcony of your window. You look up to see Gil standing there, a shy smile on his face.

"Hey," he says, "I was wondering if you wanted to hang out again today?"

You smile, feeling warmth in your chest. Maybe things are starting to change after all.

Together, you and Gil explore the Isle of the Lost, discovering new places and things to do. You feel like you're finally starting to find your own place in the world, as your own person.

As the sun starts to set, you and Gil sit on a rooftop overlooking the Isle of the Lost. You talk about everything and nothing, and you realize how much you've come to value his friendship.

"You know," Gil says, "You're pretty fun to hang out with."

You laugh, feeling a blush rise to your cheeks. "Thanks," you say, feeling a happiness that you haven't felt in a long time.

As the night wears on, you and Gil walk back to your house. You say goodnight, feeling a sense of contentment that you haven't felt in a long time.

But as soon as you open the door to your house, that sense of contentment disappears. Maleficent is waiting for you, her arms crossed and a scowl on her face.

"Where have you been, this time?" she demands.

You feel a knot form in your stomach as you try to come up with an answer. "Out with a friend," you say, your voice barely above a whisper.

Maleficent glares at you, her eyes narrowing. "Out with a friend? Fool! Villains don't have friends, only allies… Your sister is a leader with three minions, why can’t you be more like her?" she says, her voice dripping with disdain.

You feel tears sting your eyes as you realize that nothing has changed. Maleficent still sees you as inferior to Mal, and nothing you do can change that.

But then you remember Gil's words, and you find a newfound strength inside of you. You stand up straighter, looking Maleficent in the eye.

"I'm my own person," you say, your voice steady. "I don't need to be like Mal to be happy."

Maleficent's expression softens for a moment, but then it hardens again. "You'll never be as good as Mal," she says, her voice cold.

You feel a sense of defeat wash over you as Maleficent walks away, leaving you standing there, alone and forgotten once again.

But then you remember the happiness you felt with Gil, and you realize that you don't need Maleficent's approval to be happy. You have your own interests and your own passions, and you don't need to live in Mal's shadow anymore.

From that moment on, you start to embrace your own identity. You spend most of your time with Gil, exploring the Isle of the Lost and discovering new things. You draw and read and write, finding joy in the things that make you unique.

And even though Maleficent still sees you as inferior to Mal, you now know that you don't need her approval to be happy. You have your own place in the world, away from Mal's shadow, and you've finally embraced the fact that you don't need to be anyone but yourself to be happy…

#descendants #disney descendants #descendants x reader #gil legume #the isle of the lost #gil x reader #descendants fandom #descendants fanfiction #reader insert #female reader #sister reader #maleficent #oneshot #imagine

[skrunksthatwunk]

man i think part of what fucks me up (/pos) about the wedding scene (klk) is how well it conveys that the fantasy junketsu puts on ryuko is not a romantic one.

like i think it would've been really easy to make it about her wanting to find a man who could take care of things for her or love her unconditionally and when mako busts her out the message is You Don't Need A Man! You're A Strong Independent Woman!! or something (which is a perfectly fine message btw. i bring it up because i suspect that's how some people read it, especially those who see ryuko as straight, in an utena-hetero-girlboss way (yes i HAVE encountered that reading before. head in my hands)). maybe there's a montage of the groom and her at romantic milestones (confession, proposal, dates, moving in, whatever), and mako busts in while they're exchanging rings or leaning in for a kiss or something. they could have done that.

but the show puts SO little focus on the groom, to the point of emphasizing his facelessness and lack of relevance to the fantasy and its appeal (see the door handle knocking him over and ryuko not noticing, too busy looking at mako), that i think it's impossible to read it that way. and that's great bc what's actually there is so much more interesting and thematically relevant.

ryuko wants a normal childhood with a mom who loves her and spends time with her doing typical family stuff, who sticks with her as she grows up. the fantasy is of a normal development and family structure, of assimilation into a typical path of life for a woman, with its typical milestones. that includes getting married to a man. the fantasy is being naturally what society wants her to be, what will allow her to connect most easily to others within it. she's always butted heads with others, never fitting in for reasons she can't really understand, or often because she thinks the rules themselves are stupid. that came with isolation. loneliness.

the fantasy of junketsu's wedding is of conformity. it is also of conformity without effort, without awareness.

she doesn't want to force herself to fit in, because she knows that feels like shit. she wants it to be seamless. second nature. that's what junketsu appeals to. not the fantasy of pretending to be straight or becoming straight, but simply being straight.

(if it isn't clear by now, i view ryuko as a lesbian. this scene is a big part of why.)

it's ryuko pretending to be (and to always have been) something that will never cause her trouble, that will never alienate her. (or junketsu making her pretend that, though i think it caters to a lingering insecurity of ryuko's, that lack of stability, connection, and conformity in her real life).

it's also part of why mako and senketsu's rescue is not about mako being the right one for ryuko, but about ryuko's identity. her core state of being. who she is as a person.

(personally i read ryuko and mako as romantic (and i believe the show does as well, hence, y'know, the date and the mako hallelujah imagery during her asking her out and mako hitting on her and and and. sorry but however you feel about them as a ship they are definitively canon), and the scene does have romantic appeal/a romantic angle to it. but i think that romance comes from mako understanding ryuko deeply, and from calling her back into the person she is, rather than the person she could have been were she to have lived a Completely Different Life, and showing her that she has community and companionship even without this. she can be part of a group without doing all this shit. she doesn't have to fight alone, and this wedding business isn't the only way out of that loneliness. it's a gesture of love and concern for her as a person, one that comes from senketsu and mako together, the people who love her the most.)

ragyo wants conformity. she is a fascist. she wants everybody to wear the same clothes, to be in their proper place in society, and to submit to those who have rightful power over them. A hierarchy with life fibers at the top and humans at the bottom. ragyo designs and distributes the roles (clothes) people ought to wear, talks about clothes that don't suit people, etc. she wants ryuko to conform like she is, and like she has. a feelingless marriage to some man for what she can get from him. fitting in. she wants to have daughters that fit in. she wants to fit in. she wants to fit in because she's fetishized her place above other humans (pigs in human clothing, in roles unbefitting their pig status), her place under life fibers.

it has nothing to do with love, so ragyo doesn't even bother with it. nor does junketsu. even though the guise of love could be a powerful aide here, the staff chose to leave the message unmuddied. it is about conformity.

for ryuko to fulfill this fantasy, she would have had to be a completely different person, with a completely different life.

ryuko could not be ryuko and still wear that wedding dress. so she tore it off to be herself again (something she'd been lamenting/resisting since finding out she was "a goddamned life fiber monster" shortly before getting put in junketsu).

also note that satsuki used this wedding dress for her own aims as well, though she is lucid through it. it pains her. it's a role she takes on to fight against ragyo (fire with fire). but she says she realizes she couldn't win using others like pawns. she couldn't win from inside the hierarchy, the establishment. she couldn't win using a groom and a dress for her own inauthentic reasons, nor using that clout to climb the ranks of something that was wholly rotten just to get closer to ragyo. the whole tree must be felled.

anyway

#anyway i like the gay battle bikini show a lot #klk #kill la kill #ryuko matoi

[themushroomgoesyeet]

For the first installment of this series, let's start with something easy!

Arcana characters as Disney princesses/princes

Julian - Flynn Rider/Eugene

These two are so similar istg

Dashing, dramatic, swashbuckling rogues with dry humor and a secret, insecure soft side?

The only difference between them is one is ginger with an eye patch and the other isn't

Honestly Eugene would probably be a good pick for a voice hc tbh

Oh hey they're both orphans with big brother vibes too look at that

Asra - Elsa

White hair? Check. Water-related magic? Check. orphans? Check. Unconditional fashion style that doesn't really match everyone else but still looks drop-dead gorgeous regardless? Check

Both of them also have familial abandonment issues and feel the need to isolate themselves from the people they love instead of confronting the problem smh

I will admit their romantic interests are a bit different, with Asra being bisexual and Elsa either being a lesbian or aro/ace at best

Both of them have also been described to have seductive singing voices 👀

Nadia - Princess Jasmine

We👏stan👏 headstrong 👏 independent 👏 middle eastern- inspired👏queens👏here👏

Ngl Jasmine is one of my favorite Disney princesses & she & Nadia would definitely hit it off

Both feel stuck in their respective lives while also wanting to rule, and try to take action for themselves whenever they can

Also both of them would look absolutely stunning in an outfit swap

Muriel - Hercules

Honey you mean HUNK-ules

I know Hercules isn't technically a Disney prince but he fits Muriel too well

Big and strong but shy and genuine at heart? Hell yeah

Their reactions to fame are a little bit different but they are the same when it comes to falling in love; both are so gentle and genuinely caring, and can't stop gushing about their partner

Also amazing idols for how men are supposed to treat women - a.k.a with respect

Both have a heathy amount of respect for their partners modesty (even when said partner is trying to seduce them on purpose), as well as their partners autonomy to make their own decisions

Not to mention they both have estranged families that they didn't know about, and a supportive animal companion

Portia - Rapunzel

I know some of you might be thinking "why not Merida? They look so alike with their frizzy mop of ginger hair!" Well, dear chat, let me explain

While they may look similar, Portia and Merida do not act similar. Merida is rebellious, headstrong, and airheaded, fighting her loved ones on everything and doing what she wants regardless of the consequences until said consequences come back to bite her in the butt. Portia on the other hand, while also headstrong, is spunky, kind, and takes others feelings and opinions into account instead of doing the first daring thing that comes into her head

Which brings me to Rapunzel. Admittedly, Rapunzel is a lot more sheltered and inexperienced about the world than Portia was but they are still kindred spirits. Curious, spunky, headstrong, kind, compassionate, and unafraid to fight for themselves.

They're ready to take on the world even if they don't know enough about it

Both also have evil and manipulative family members (ik Mother Gothel isn't Rapunzel's family; she was still the one who raised Rapunzel & Rapunzel considered her family long enough for it to count in this situation)

Both also meet love interests who guide them through the part of the world that's unknown to them, be it magic for Portia or the world as a whole for Rapunzel

Lucio - Merida

remember all those traits I listed for Merida? Yeah Lucio fits those

Merida and Lucio may be hella good warriors, but boy are they stupid sometimes

Both also have mommy issues™

Both are also wildly inexperienced with magic and should really be more cautious about it

Both just go "oopsies" and expect everything to be fine because of their status when it's never fine

Can you tell yet that these two bother me lol

Both were brought up in a Scottish-sounding culture and you can't change my mind

#the arcana #the arcana game #arcana #count lucio #muriel of the kokhuri #nadia satrinava #portia devorak #julian devorak #asra alnazar #the arcana as _

[nunalastor]

Been catatonic before, and to aid the Dark Forced Family AU and give some information to that one anon who didn't know much about it, I'll give some insight! (This is not a one size fits all, but might as well use my experience as a baseline)

I don't think trippy is the right word, but kind of? My body wasn't working right, but I was aware of my surroundings kind of, in a weird way of everything was there and I knew it was there, but I wasn't consciously processing any of it.

What was actually going on in my head was debilitating anxiety that overwhelmed everything else around me and made it impossible to function. Not really thinking or processing, more stewing in anxiety or other intense emotion you can't escape and distracts from everything else. The lack of real thinking made me barely remember why I was upset, just how overwhelming the emotion was.

One big thing that makes the difference with Alastor is the isolation factor, as another anon mentioned, means his catatonia probably started from psychosis instead of just severe anxiety, which could mean that he crossed the line into completely disconnected, but I don't know many details about that side.

So to answer the question of would Alastor even know the overlords are there when they rescue him, if it's anything like mine the answer is technically yes but consciously no, and either way there would be no visible reaction. If psychosis is involved, and taking into account how severe Alastor's catatonia is in this AU where mine wasn't nearly as bad, from my understanding that would be a flat out no.

👀

#hazbin hotel #nunalastor asks #alastor #Dark Forced Family

[swearyshera]

Unused ideas

My notes app had so many different ideas that didn't make it onto the blog, so I thought I'd put them here and talk about why they didn't get included. A little 'bonus content', if you will.

They're in no particular order, just how they were when I opened it.

Catra sorry but afraid to commit. Adora also afraid This was a bit too general to make it into a particular scene, but I did like the idea that they're both afraid to take that big step and ask for/accept love. I think it got touched on, but I couldn't really find a good opportunity to outright say that.

Adora has nothing real. Catra in heart: I finally know what's real, it's me and you. One of numerous rejected ideas for the Heart scene. The notion of Adora not having anything real (Angella not really being her mom, Light Hope not really being a proper guide, She-Ra not even really being the hero she expected) was a cool idea, but I covered it back at the beginning of season 5 and it just wasn't a strong enough motivation to carry through to the finale.

Mara: You're afraid of being hurt. Adora: Course I'm fucking afraid, I got hurt before This was from the 'you're worth more than what you can give to other people' scene. I loved these lines, but by the time I got to that scene, it was clear the story was about so much more than just admitting her feelings to Catra, it was about the idea of allowing herself a happy life in general.

Dryl is like IKEA If I hadn't thought this up after the episode that took place in Dryl, I would have absolutely done this. We just never went back.

Finale is Catra proposing for real - I can't live without you/A world without you is no world/Love yourself because I do/What's the point in creating a world where you can be yourself if you aren't there too? Various rejected lines and ideas for that 'don't you get it' scene. They just weren't as good as what you ended up seeing.

This is the point of you - to love and to be loved. That's all any of us ever asked This one was also for that scene, and played on Adora's repeated asking of "What's the point of me". It's a great line in isolation, but it didn't fit with the others around it

Wanna fuck?/I've gotta save the universe first We ended up with a toned-down version of this, because there's undercutting the tension and there's undercutting the tension. Yup, there are even times where I reject the cruder lines!

Entrapta has a birth mark. Hordak knows. Another one on the slightly cruder side, but I couldn't really find a place that this worked. Maybe next time...

(On Prime's ship) Glimmer accuses Catra of being like SW and that's why Catra decides to help. "You're not perfect yourself, Princess"/"Wow, you can tell Shadow Weaver raised you" In hindsight, this just looks like it's unnecessarily harsh. I get what I was aiming for, a point of reflection for Catra that she may be going down the wrong path, but now I look back, I'm glad I didn't include this.

Corridors - Glimmer: It would be nice if you apologised for being a bitch to me/Catra: That would imply I'm sorry about it This one would have fit a lot better than the above idea, but the two of them bickering whilst fighting was funnier.

And that's the unused stuff! Would you have liked to see it in the blog? Happy that it didn't happen? Let me know!

[bilbobagginsomebabez]

@[REDACTED] because you heathens can't let someone fucking LEARN. op, I intend this kindly, but I can tell you would not be a friend to terfs and this whole thing is rooted in terf brainrot. I'm choosing community today and going to explain why this is terfy shit fucking over trans mascs.

so the core of the terf belief system is that there is a bioessentialist Quality Of Men that makes them fundamentally an Oppressor who can never face marginalization, right? we disagree with that because we love trans people--both women and men. if men are Fundamentally Oppressors, you can't Change Genders. here's the thing. under the premise of "transmasculine oppression does not occur at any axis so they can't have this word", you have removed the bioessentialist aspect but still accepted that there is a Quality Of Men that innately makes them an Oppressor that can never face marginalization.

now the next logical step that we've taken from "men can never be oppressed or have a -phobia term" is that because the "base model" or cis men aren't oppressed and don't face what would hypothetically be "androphobia," trans men cannot create the term "transandrophobia" to describe their real experiences of pain and oppression. despite this weird semantic caveat, we both fully and entirely agree that trans men/mascs do face real oppression specifically due to being Trans Men/Mascs that is different in nature from the cruelty and oppression that Trans Women/Femmes face. so we fully agree that the phenomenon is real, but you and many others are for some reason saying they cannot have a word to describe it. they can't have a word to describe their real experiences because the "base model" doesn't face oppression and we hate the base model so much they specifically do not and can never have a -phobia word.

what is the point of this? who does this help?

it helps terfs keep trans mascs isolated is who it helps. i just. i think the toxicity of the idea is really represented in action right now. because we are talking about a group of men/masculine people who are actively specifically marginalized. they are telling us they are being targeted for detransition and conversion therapy. they are trying to tell us something and we aren't listening because we're playing semantic games over what words they're allowed to use. because they aren't oppressed enough to "be at an axis." in practice right now, it seems like "be at an axis" has turned into "have a real voice in the community." there needs to be room here, conversations where "trans masc" isn't a performative placeholder for "passing trans men," more fluid boundaries between "Man" and "Woman" and how people identified within those categories face marginalization, less hatred for Men and more love for queer life and liberation. not just to be inclusive of nonbinary people who also exist and face weird mixes of both of these real things--transandrophobia and transmisogyny-- but because right now we are denying solidarity to members of our community and limiting our own discussion and understanding in favor of forcing a Very Harassed Group Of Us to endlessly workshop the term over petty semantic grievances.

and I'm sorry but i really. just need us to collectively take a moment and reflect that the grievance is "this word could be broken down into another word we wouldn't like." and i don't really know what to do with that. there are a lot of good reasons to use the term "transandrophobia" not the least of which is because it's immediately descriptive under the language rules we all know (the marginalization/hate that trans men face) but because it fits in with all of the other queer terms--biphobia, homophobia, lesbophobia, aphobia, queerphobia--we generally went hard in terms of "phobia" terms. trans-andro-phobia seems perfectly reasonable to me to describe the hatred of trans men. i am really really sad that "'andro' can't be in a 'phobia' word because men can never be oppressed" became the dominant discourse on this because it really is just. mean. it's just mean-spiritied. 'misandry' already exists. if whatever you were scared of was gonna happen, it already would have. i really cannot comprehend the preferencing of some nebulous possible harm of "androphobia" over and above our ability to describe real problems facing members of our community.

again i ask you, who does this help? trans mascs are our community and they are being attacked brutally and quietly and we aren't talking about it because?? men can't be oppressed because they're not on an axis? they are asking us for solidarity. and they need it.

trans men are asking us to see that terfs weaponize murderous language against trans women but they are no less genocidal in their aims of targeting trans men and mascs for de-transition, conversion therapy, and corrective rape. "lost lesbians" and "lost daughters" and "irreversible damage" are rallying cries and money makers among the far right--they say "keep your daughters daughters, keep them in the ontological category of victim before they become a predator."

the hostility to the term transandrophobia because "men can't be oppressed" is the internalization of the terf belief that men are fundamentally and innately predators and oppressors instead of people reacting to their position under the system of patriarchy. it's a belief that never allows for the destruction of the patriarchy. it says you can never be a gender-traitor unless you're the right gender--a feminine gender (woman) fighting against the innately violent masculine onslaught (men). there are straight cis men who fight against toxic male gender norms and face violence for it, too. this model cannot articulate that violence beyond "homophobia" and it cannot articulate the violence against our trans brothers beyond "transphobia" and that is a failure. that is not ideological purity-- that is an active failure to real and living members of your community. we need to articulate it.

transandrophobia is a perfectly serviceable term to describe a real problem that needs a term. trans men and mascs face specific violences. your response literally agrees that it's real. we have both stated on multiple occasions that agree that it's real. so we need to be able to talk about it. so we need a word for it.

i would encourage you in general to prioritize people's wellbeing over and above linguistic purity. especially right now when things are getting worse and worse and worse for ALL trans people.

#long but i'm verbose. #transandrophobia #longpost #meat filled gourd

[pinkandpurple360]

Even being the Fizzomdous trash as I am, I'm starting to get worried about some of the ask of those trying to defend it.

Both Fizz and Ozzie are grown men, not children. Yeah, if Fizz and Ozzie broke up: they'll get over it eventually because life goes on. Sure one of them may have a harder time than the other due to attachment issues but if you lived for thousands of years you had to have friends come and go and yeah, I refuse to believe Fizz is the first person he fell in love with. You live that long you more than likely had crushes or grew feelings for someone (unless you're aro and even then platonic queer relationships exist).

That and it's unhealthy to have your life devoted around one person and no one else. The problem I just realized about Viv's pairings in the show is that it seems that both are supposedly completely 'in Love' with each other but don't have a life outside of that. Millie and Moxxie are glued to the hip but are you telling me neither of them have people they hang out with outside of work or their relationship? How often does Millie see or talk to her family? Where's her friends? Does she even have any? Same with Moxxie? Do they have hobbies they both like when they're not together? Even couples are gonna have different interests from each other. Granted, I'm not saying we need to see every part of their life but my point stands that even in healthy relationships, couples do have lives outside of each other. Isolating yourself and spending time with only your partner and partner alone is going to lead to some codependency and I don't know about you, that ain't romantic.

Also people saying that Ozzie and Fizz can't break up for Fizz to be with Blitzo: Um, all three of them have two hands? And damn does Blitzo need a partner that isn't going to talk down to him and see him as a sex object. He gets two loving boyfriends for the price of one! Everyone wins but Stolas but who cares about Stolas he proves he shouldn't be in a relationship right now with how he treats others around him. Heck Blitzo already has more chemistry with Oz than he does with uwu sad owl boi. I know poly isn't for everyone but c'mon people think outside the box!

(and I'm sure Ozzie is more than down for a threesome. just saying).

Seriously, some of you who are grown adults really have a childish view on relationships.

I’m a fan of them myself. And I have no problem just enjoying the story as it is. I’m just trying to take a critical view on it and keep in mind the fact that this show is supposed to be on the maturity level of Bojack, soo what’s with all these heroic masculine characters rescuing feminine characters from all their troubles.

Why are people talking about “soulmates” — a concept I don’t really believe in. Two people can meet at the right time and fit perfectly, or they can just barely miss each other, the attraction and compatibility either gets stronger or weaker with time. That’s why love is so special when you do have it. That’s just my experience though if people don’t like that I won’t force it on them.

Going back to MnM, nobody has dethroned them yet. Not even close. Millie and Moxxie are so so different but they met at the perfect time for something beautiful to blossom. But if Moxxie, a terrified impressionable person in the past, met Millie, a once violent unforgiving person, they wouldn’t have clicked. It would have been the wrong time. Now however they are very much compatible and in love but slowly leaving the honeymoon phase. That transition is very difficult. It explains perfectly why they’re still so rosy cheeked and gleeful to be around each other. The two are newly weds.

Exactly exactly, that annoys me too. So. why don’t the two of them have other friends? It’s all entirely each other or their boss blitzø. But B actually does have friends he used to party with. And probably connections in lust? but we never see them. Wouldn’t it be nice if Millie had a favourite western themed bar with a small social group and knife throwing tournaments? Maybe Mox knows some people from the shooting range or from the opera theatre he loves so much. Idk. Just ideas.

Oh yeah polyamory. What a concept. Blitzfizzarozzie is such a perfect ot3 and you’re right. Asmodeus built a mutually respectful trust with Blitz in what..? Ten minutes? With a foundation that they both love and protect Fizz. And it’s probably been over a year and stolas can’t even have one conversation that is non hostile and non sexual with him. Not one.

I’ve heard rumours that allegedly Viv gets the ick from polyamory. That and her alleged hostility to trans men…so much for a “queer” show. I really really wish she’d put out a statement about how she doesn’t believe this anymore, ‘was in a bad place’ or something, instead of running from it. I wouldn’t be so quick to let it go personally considering how much denial and dishonesty she was in, but most fans would eat it up.

If she has addressed it let me know actually, might be wrong.

#helluva boss critical #helluva boss #fizzarozzie crit

[thatpastelwitchbitch]

I don't think people understand what it means to kin Lain, a rant.

I see people who claim to be just like Lain making memes talking about their "friends" or NSFW topics, and it just kinda ticks me off cause that's just not what Lain is about. In the end, she didn't bother herself with the struggles of human contact.

Spoilers

Lain had 3 friends, two of whom were bullies, and one of whom was happier after forgetting about Lain's existence. The ending of the anime is literally her erasing herself from everyone's memory because she knows how much better their lives will be.

That ending can be interpreted in many different ways. Especially if you try to merge it with the lore of the CD game. The way I see it, though, isn't that it's an allegory for suicide. I intrept the ending of the anime as a form of acceptance. Lain expects that her peers will never be able to fully understand her way of functioning. Instead of trying again and again to fit in and act like everyone else, she accepts that she will have to fight her inner demons alone and isolate herself from others in order not to hurt them.

“If you’re not remembered, then you never existed.”

This quote, in my opinion, is blatantly wrong in a general context. Despite the fact that eventually, in the end, none of us will be remembered. That doesn't mean that we never existed. Just because existence is meaningless doesn't mean it didn't happen. Most things are meaningless in the grand scheme of things, and that's okay. Things only have as much meaning as we assign to it, and that's why we value the lives of others.

But...The quote isn't entirely false either. In the digital age, it can most definitely feel like; “If you’re not remembered, then you never existed.” Because of the fast-paced society structure we now all live under. And it's the reasoning as to why Lain and I decide to just leave people's lives and hope they forget about us.

It's too much of a burden onto others to make people care about you when they'll never be able to understand you.

How I feel:

If I depend on others for remembrance and understanding, then they will inevitably end up blaming themselves when failing at those tasks. But they shouldn't. It's just the way that humans are, we're not all knowing, we'll all forget, and that's just how it is. Until I meet people who have come to that understanding already, I don't want to burden anyone, other than myself, with my existence.

I'm not worthless because of this practice. I still love myself and strive for fulfillment. I just can't bear to cause other people stress in the limited amount of time they have in this plane of existence.

Maybe this practice is selfish or meaningless, but I don't care. I just can't bear to hurt others anymore...

#lain iwakura #trauma #writing #alone with my thoughts #spoilers #rant post #rant #vent #im sorry #serial experiments lain #isolation

[astraladversity]

I saw that you’ve been looking at Genshin but consider this. RvB/Genshin crossover. Please assign everyone a region (to the best of your ability since we’re still in the dark with 2 of the regions) and vision. For science.

HELLO i have literally thought about this so much. okay not actually that much but I have assigned everyone to elements/nations/weapons a few times in my head bc i love making lists. some of them i have like no comments on though. i also have a couple genshin headcanons for some of them and how I think they'd fit into the world. everything under the cut bc this will probably be a lot and also very rambly (ty for giving me an excuse to share this)

quick notes:

most of these are just based off vibes lol. if there's a specific reason behind assigning someone a certain element/weapon/nation i'll specify why. some of these are very vague lol

feel free to add your own interpretation/ideas i love hearing other perspectives

tried making the different elements different colors but tumblr has limited selection :(

i have no fucking clue how the church family works in a modern/not rvb setting 😭😭

okay here we go

Tucker: Anemo Catalyst

i know he seems like a sword user but hear me out: he makes blades of anemo like his energy sword (kinda like childe's hydro blades, but as a melee anemo catalyst user)

I.. have no idea what nation he'd be from. originally i put him as being from natlan because of the vague idea of him being a warrior or something, but i've actually got no clue other than that 😭

i think he's travelling throughout teyvat and taking on commissions as he goes. probably well known by the adventurer's guild

Church: Cryo Catalyst, Mondstadt

cryo fits so well to me. especially bc most cryo characters have themes of isolation/loneliness/or family issues (same reasons why i assigned cryo to carolina as well)

Caboose: Hydro Claymore, Sumeru

blue and strong. also hydro as a concept fits him in my mind.

Carolina: Cryo Polearm, Mondstadt

carolina and wash are siblings in my AU 👍

her and wash both joined the knights of favonius (KOF) at the same time, though carolina ended up leaving later to decide her own path (probably had something to do with her mother's death also. i think maybe she wanted to find out more about it / or didn't believe she was actually dead and wanted to search for her)

assigned her as a polearm user bc in rvb i headcanon her as knowing how to fight with a bo staff. and assigned her cryo for reasons stated before ^^

Wash: Geo Sword, Mondstadt

the other element i'd assign him to would be anemo, specifically wash post-pfl. but ive put him as geo here bc 1. yellow. and 2. he's a sort of grounding presence around the others and that fits geo to me

Tex: Electro Claymore, Snezhnaya

from snezhnaya originally but moved to mondstadt at some point, which is where she met church.

in this AU i think she's gone missing or tends to travel a lot without telling anyone, so the others are just kinda waiting for her to come back.

i think i assigned her as electro bc i associated it with omega (purple). also it looks cool so

Doc: Dendro Catalyst, Sumeru

dendro's generally associated with knowledge or personal growth and i think that fits for him. he's a catalyst bc i can't imagine doc picking up any weapon other than a rocket launcher as o'malley

Sarge: Pyro Catalyst, Liyue

i don't know why sarge is one of the characters i can most easily imagine in the genshin world but he is. (along w lina and wash)

the liyue qixing has personally banned him from using fireworks. he got a little too enthusiastic about helping with the fireworks display at lantern rite..

catalyst user bc i think he throws explosives (like klee) though i can see him as a claymore user as well.

Donut: Anemo Bow, Liyue

i feel like anemo fits him. idk something something freedom to be himself and express himself how he likes

Grif: Geo Claymore, Sumeru

geo is. grounding. and he's chill. idk it works in my head.

Simmons: Hydro Bow, Fontaine

Tried to get into the Sumeru Akademiya but had his application rejected, then went on to travel to Liyue to pursue his own studies which is where he met Sarge and Donut for the first time

Lopez: ......Khaenri'ah?

Built by Sarge out of scrap ruin machine parts that he found out by some ruins. doesn't have a vision, though I think he fights using pyrotechnics or just, pyro.

Locus: Dendro Claymore, Sumeru

former corrupt mercenary, now trying to be a better person. i think he would've gotten his vision after his redemption arc and to him it symbolizes a new start.

BONUS!! freelancers & co:

North: Hydro Bow, Snezhnaya

i think he and south could both be orphans of the house of hearth or something. maybe they escaped from the fatui at some point (or maybe the freelancers *are* the fatui. theres another au i was thinking of similar to that but its very vague)

South: Electro Sword, Snezhnaya

she's soo electro to me. purple lightning fuck yeah

Wyoming: Cryo Bow, Fontaine

bow because he's a sniper. fontaine because he's british. not much to say here

Florida: Hydro Polearm, Inazuma

Maine: Pyro Claymore, Natlan

CT: Pyro Polearm, Natlan

479er: Anemo Catalyst

anemo bc she's a pilot. yeah

Felix: Pyro Sword, Inazuma

i personally think felix would use a delusion rather than a vision. especially because delusions are like a form of "false" power like power that's created rather than gifted by the gods like a vision is. he wants a vision soo badly but he was never given one so he had to use a delusion to feel powerful, and even then he's being actively harmed every time he uses it bc of how delusions drain their user's life force. could be poetic but im shit at wording it lol

Kimball: Hydro Sword, Sumeru

Doyle: Geo Catalyst, Fontaine

#rvb #red vs blue #genshin impact #david stuff #this is so rambly and yet so vague at points. hope thats okay 👍 #you can tell which ones i've thought about more than others lmao

[svartalfhild]

A Case for Jezri

Listen, I know how the DS9 fandom feels about Jezri, but I just wanted to take a moment to explain why I like it. I'm not asking people to agree; I just want to give it some love because there are things to enjoy and to explore in that ship that haven't gotten any discussion.

(Also why is 99.9% of the Jezri tag just people tagging their hate? Who raised y'all? Please be respectful towards your fellow fans who may not feel the same as you.)

I'm no stranger to finding my gold nuggets in the trash heap when it comes to Star Trek ships. I'm the type to find the things to love about something that was executed poorly by the writers. Datasha is my TNG OTP. Need I say more.

So don't think I don't understand some of the main objections people have to Jezri. I get it. I do. So with that out of the way, let's get into the good stuff.

Julian's personal story, particularly in the later parts of the show, has a strong motif of loneliness, which comes from two or three different aspects of his life. The first one is of course the fact that he's an augment. He's socially isolated by his mental and physical superiority. No one can keep up with him, and he has to diminish himself to fit in, especially before the truth comes out. The second is the evolving lives of the people closest to him. There reaches a point where nearly all of his closest friends are either married or in committed relationships, and he's the free floater who has to hope he can still fit into their lives somewhere. The third aspect is his own shit luck with relationships. No one sticks with him for very long for whatever reason. And there was the everything with Jadzia on top of it all. Poor man couldn't catch a break.

And then along comes Ezri. Quark is quick to treat her as same old Dax with a new coat of paint, for whose affections he immediately tries to generate competition with Julian, because he is a sexist little toad. Julian, to his great credit, is like "what the fuck, Quark" and makes it clear that he sees Ezri as a different person, not Jadzia 2.0 who he now has a chance with. Ezri is his new friend, and he's not going to be pulled into Quark's bullshit.

The writing is unfortunately rather uneven when it comes to showing us the establishment and development of that friendship, so we have to piece together the vibes from several disparate moments, some big and meaningful and others more incidental, but that's not too difficult for me. Fandom has done more with less.

Anyway! Through all of that, we kind of get to see that Ezri sees Julian differently than Jadzia did in a way that allows them to click very quickly. Jadzia sort of saw Julian as an adorable puppy excitedly wagging his tail at her (and by the time he matured into someone who was more her type, he'd stopped pursuing her and then she was with Worf). Ezri sees him as the charming guy who knows how to have a good time. It seems natural to me that Julian would quickly latch onto someone who thought his holosuite adventures were demonstrative of a healthy sense of fun and not a sign of immaturity. Ezri is literally the bad bitch he pulled by being autistic.

And they are such adorable awkward nerds with each other! The big eyes! The soft touches! The fumbling! The trying to keep things platonic because they just like each other so much that they're afraid of messing things up! The breaking down and making out anyway because they can't escape the vibes! *chef's kiss*

The thing that completely sold me on Jezri, though, was their moment together at the end of the last episode where Julian is mourning Miles' departure and feeling lonely and then Ezri rolls up like "Hey~!" and expresses the desire to have dinner and do holosuite adventures with him. That was so beautiful to me. Everything is changing and so many of his friends have left and it's the ultimate pit of loneliness for him, but then there's Ezri. He has her now and he's not alone and the war is over and there's hope and the start of something new and soft. I cried, y'all. Like maybe it's because I'm at a place in my life where I feel left behind while I watch all my friends move on with their lives, but man, the way Ezri represents the light at the end of a dark tunnel for Julian just got me so good.

Here are some of the headcanons I have to supplement the sparse canon material and give further depth and enjoyment to my shipping experience:

They're both bisexual.

Since they're both healthcare professionals, they have a lot to talk about where their fields intersect. They make a great team when they're working, but this also results in them developing a shorthand with each other that is somewhat infuriating for others.

Ezri's closeness with Julian allows her to better develop her friendship with Garak, and there are several times when all three of them get up to shenanigans together.

They sometimes get each other new tea blends to try as a fun little surprise.

Ezri tries to teach Julian some of the gymnastics stuff she remembers at least once with mixed results.

Julian particularly loves hugging Ezri, and she particularly loves holding his hand.

Julian persuades Ezri to read Lord of the Rings, and she gets really into it, so they end up doing a holosuite adaptation as Legolas and Gimli. Ezri plays with her beard a lot.

Quark fucking hates how cute they are and Kira makes a point to tell him about every sweet moment she sees between them just to fuck with him.

Ezri very much gets in on the Fuck With Section 31 train and helps Julian do spy shit. The criminal psychology knowledge comes in handy.

Anyway, these are my feels. Please don't air your grievances here. I just want to sail on my dinghy and hope someone out there is sailing with me.

#Star Trek #DS9 #Julian Bashir #Ezri Dax #Jezri #if you're gonna comment just please don't be an asshole I'm so tired

[emeraldkarma]

Ok so my hyper fixation on aphmau has sparked u again, I've decided to share my little Au with the world because my friends are getting tired of hearing about a minecraft roleplay from... oh god it's been that long? Jeez.

Anyway here is what I'm changing about the base cannon of mystreet before I throw in any crazy AUs like Ein being a decent person and living with Aph and Sylvanna during S2 of PDH or mystreet Dante getting stuck in MCD when everyone ditched him.

So I don't know I can fit my whole four years worth of brain rot in one post so we are going to start with the big blaring walking red flag himself Aaron.

What needs to change?

So so muck For starters, apparently, Aphmau needed to listen to sylvannas internet safety lectures a bit more because SHE STILL GIVES A STRANGER HER ACTUAL PHONE NUMBER!!! Sorry sorry this is a post about Aaron not how nieve aphmau is.

Anyway the guys 18 and is dating aphmau who is probably 14/15. This guy is going off to college in a year and aphmau still talks her stuffed cat and hides in a closet before her first day of high school.

Also at first I defended Aaron becouse I thought he just didn't know how old she was when they were strangers texting each other but they have a whole conversation about how nervous she is ABOUT HER FIRST DAY OF HIGH SCHOOL! Sorry again 😔 but if I was Aaron and I found out that the person I was talking to was actually a young girl who was probably fourteen or fifteen (younger actually since they've known each other and have been texting for atleast a couple months) and knowing that I am seventeen or eighteen would break it off and probably unfriend them not keep texting them about it and then start to ask them to reveal there real name.

Then there's the whole like ultima thing I know it wasn't actually written in until like season 4 of mystreet but I have a question 🤔 if darek knew what kind of life was in store for his son having the curse if he feels so bad about having to isolate his son if he knew the curse is a possibility why have him? Why risk have biological children? Or why not stop after milisasa since for some reason the curse only effects the males of a blood line. (You're telling Me the lycan family has never had an all female generation? Is the curse just dormant in females?) I'm changing that we need to change dark put him on the list right above Sylvanna but under KC.

There's also like why are you the alpha of the werewolf pack? Like I get it in highschool but after in season five? You don't know anything about the culture and Daniel ran the highschool pack for four years you don't have to be the alpha now? I genuinely think that was from Jason wanting his self insert to be the ' powerful hot alpha oc trademark do not steal'

So how an I gonna fix this?

Well we are going to start with Aaron's age, He's aphmaus age or well hes sixteen but so were Garothand Laurence. Plane and simple hes sixteen hes a softmore who was homeschooled is life becouse of his secret ultima curse. He does switch schools temporarily for S2 of PHD becouse dark was worried about how frequently Aaron was loosing control and how he still hadn't had a grasp on the curse, I'm gonna get to that hold tight.

That leads me into my next fix how Aph and Aaron met! They were put in the same online schooling class because Rachel is a bissness major, and Sylvanna is the type of mom to make you cry when she helps you study for your spelling bee (she loves her daughter but she does not have enogh patients to be a teacher.) Anyway they meet in the online class and find out they're both into the same things including a popular Online game and being lonely homeschooled kids latch onto each other, (I would imagine that Aaron went under a different name for the homeschooling program since he can't have the media tracking him down or asking questions y'know?) Then once they get to the age were they have phones reluctantly trade Instagram (aph made a separamount. Just for talking to Aaron and not posting pics because her mom follows her mian and Aaron makes his very first acount and only follows aph who goes by Shu on that account.)

Now to fix the lycann family.

Let's start with the curse, like I said makes no sense as to why Dark still had kids with Rachel biological when he Knew what his kids would go through. So the ultima curse effects all offspring male or female and it isn't usually as strong as Aaron's. In my head not being able to control there eyes was grown out of around five years old to seven years old and then there eyes stop turning red without wanting them to they still pose the danger it's just not that hard to control. It's like potty training they learn as they grow up. But for whatever reason Aaron never really grew out of the uncontrollable eyes thing, infact they were almost always red when he was young. This scared Darek who grew up on these stories about what will happen to them if the curse is ever discovered in they're family blood line, (which is why they still hide that they're werewolves.)

Aaron lived his life in solitude while millisa got to go out and experience the world she got to go the boarding schools in Germany and go with mom and dad on they're business trips while he stayed in they're house in falcon claw with either one of his parents or trusted staff. (This is not how millisa sees it BTW but we'll talk about her later.

I hope you enjoyed my brain dump.

#aphmau #fanfic #mystreet #mystreet rewrite #aaron lycan

[apostate00]

ALRIGHT, ANTIRAD LORE!!!

This will be more of a collection of thoughts and texts, with occasional proper writing, because I haven't compiled it into one text yet, so if some wording is a bit awkward, and thoughts seem to jump back and forth, that is why, please bear with me! :D

This is gonna be a long read, over 2k words.

I have also started writing an actual fic about it, if you're interested:

But without further ado, let's dive into it!

Anti-Radical becoming more and more Radical, catching odd glances from his Centrist allies, but he denies being radical wholeheartedly.

Idk how long you can deny your radicalisation into a different ideology, my friend.

He secretly survived Ancap shooting him, retreating out of Centricity to a secluded place, patching himself up, however becoming increasingly angry with more and more undeniably radical thoughts that stopped fully coming from the place of his supposed original ideological reasoning, and a genuine, deep rage.

Imaging his skin tone shifting to more fit the one of a radical ideology and he gets so scared by that, ripping him out of his spiralling thoughts and pushes him to return to the Centrists, scared of what he would become if he kept himself isolated.

It's interesting, he obviously is against any and all radicals but also I feel after almost being killed & his plans being foiled he hates Ancap just a bit more than all the other radicals.

He tries to hide the places of his body that have started to shift in color. Imagine the eye behind his eye patch despite still being blind, has changed color as well.

He's denying it himself so hard and also tries to keep it from the other Centrists.

He totally still fits into the Overton Window, totally doesn't believe all radicals, especially Ancaps, should be exterminated or subjugated, and a totalitarian-esque system (of course he'd never call it that, totalitarian is a radical word after all) should be put in place that ensures everyone be non-radical too.

Pshhh, he would never, who would support a weird twisted Centrist version of Fascism, not him.

He would be... well, off-compass. Not in any of the quadrants since he wants all of them to die.

Him turning on the Centrists because they're too radical in being complacent.

Tempted to make his eyes red simply based on his stronger hatred for Ancap specifically.

Man, imagine while he's still in strong denial, he meets another extremist who just kinda pauses, eyes him up and down, and goes, "...you're not a centrist.. i don't know WHAT you are" (they can feel the shift in his energy, clearly different from the mellow one most Centrists have, but also distinct from the vibe the other extremists give off).

THIS NEXT LITTLE TEXT MIGHT BE DUE TO CHANGE!!!

AntiRad losing it during one of their Centrist meetings and pointing his knife at Moderate Lee for "radical complacency" (not being unradical™ enough to be anti-radical)

He then gets toppled by the other Centrists, narrowly escaping being killed (again) as he was already being scrutinized and now has been classified as a threat since he has "gone off the deep end" and is clearly not a regular Centrist anymore

The other Centrists are very distressed at AntiRad being lose, clearly now being a threat, they can't quite calculate/place.

Moderate Lee is especially shook, wondering what happened to him to become like this :(

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

AntiRad escaping from Centricity, getting out of the Overton Window, but not really finding a safe space to stay and patch himself up for a while cuz yk, there's a war going on, so in his desperation he slips through the cracks, completely out of the compass.

The void found beyond seems to seep into the cracks of his mind, his identity, using his emotions of his ostracization to further corrupt who he used to be.

Beyond the compass, its a no man's land, just before passing into the realm of the off compass.

I'd imagine there are gateways that connect the two properly, but obviously, AntiRad wouldn't know about them

He'd make it through though, (part) of his self warped and yet not destroyed, his ideological sense already being unreal enough beforehand to make it.

I'd imagine some ideologies that are deeply rooted in reality and sense in some way or form would completely lose themselves in that no man's land, not being built to survive in this "antimatter."

Essentially, going to the realm of the off compasses just sealed his fate of losing his former ideology and becoming something else.

Imagine despite being extremely scared Moderate Lee tries to find him and talk to him.

When Moderate Lee follows him he's gonna get himself some help though, probably overcoming his fear and asking one of the fringe ideologies that switches back and forth between the realms, who could guide him to one of the safe gateways.

Technically, Post-Left is kind of a fringe ideology like that, which is interesting.

AntiRad, you should've just asked around instead of going on your own

I know you were very wounded and having a breakdown, losing touch with yourself and reality and all that, but come on...

AntiRad being torn between trusting Moderate Lee and not doing it because he knows that the guy is literally just doing what he's told with no sense of loyalty (or so he thinks...)

I'm in favour of giving Moderate Lee some character development, too.

Imagine AntiRad's now black parts lowkey melting when he gets really worked up or spirals into the insanity that is his new off compass ideology, cuz his body wasn't originally meant to fit into this category of ideology.

I also had the thought of the gunshot scars AntiRad has turning black first since that whole deal was kind of the catalyst for his descend

Imagine ModLee seeing his limb kinda melt or crack and is like !!! D: & tries to help him, telling him to calm down (please)

AntiRad getting kind of shocked/scared by that happening to his body, stumbling into ModLee's touch and letting him guide him to sit down & try to care for him.

ModLee tries soo hard to calm AntiRad, make him come home, saying that they could explain things and that it isn't too late, while AntiRad spirals further into madness

Being off compass slowly messing with ModLee too cuz he's very clearly not supposed to be there at all, especially not for extended periods of time

ModLee staying by AntiRad's side even though being in this place is slowly destroying him

You've stopped being a complete coward, but at what cost, in this moment, it would be the right idea to run back home

ModLee tries to hide whatever it is that's happening to him (not decided on that yet) and it only becomes obvious to AntiRad once it's already pretty bad.

RADCEN MENTION TEEHEE

I had the most insane idea when listening to a song... imagine AntiRad yk goes completely insane and off the deep end, becomes a serious and active threat to everyone... and then in the end its ModLee who actually literally backstabs AntiRad to stop him, finally realising that he can't fix him

The sadness and regret on ModLee's eyes that only worsens when AntiRad turns back with so much shock and hurt and betrayal on his face

ModLee catching him in his arms, sitting down as AntiRad slowly bleeds to death and disintegrates

He hugs him and cries until there's nothing left in his arms but empty space.

AntiRad spluttering "why would you" and "what did I do" and "I trusted you", before he slowly regains some clarity right before his proper, final death, apologising to ModLee for all that had happened and then AntiRad had abandoned the man ModLee begged him to be, ModLee thought he was, and thought he could become again

Oughhh these two... even worse if they did actually start loving each other, but ModLee knew that AntiRad would destroy everyone and everything if he didn't stop him.....

"I thought we... I thought you–"

AntiRad realising before dying that ModLee was right to kill him, and that part of him did it because he loved him, and couldn't stand to see him become even worse.

AntiRad getting extremely panicked and anxious as he's close to dying because he already experienced it once and is horrified that he won't be back this time, so ModLee hugs him even tighter and tries his best to soothe him

So sad too because ModLee tried so hard, he tried everything to try and save AntiRad, to bring him back, to help him get better... but nothing worked so it was his last resort.

AntiRad & ModLee having some genuine good, loving and soft moments which shows ModLee that there is some good in him. AntiRad still has pieces in him that are the man ModLee saw, but it was never enough. And now he has to live with the fact that he also killed that good forever

We were talking about ideologies and death, saying that they most likely would be borderline immortal, so I came up with an idea that deviates from that a little:

Maybe if ideologies are extremely fringe and barely have followers then they have a chance of dying permanently. The more fringe the higher the chance

Because Anti-Rad has become something else, something that's more of a fictional ideology than a real one, ModLee and everyone else was 100% sure that that would be it for him & he was truly dead. But imagine that through his violent transition into this different ideology and his travel through the void beyond the compass, he was kind of forged into an anomaly that prevails in spite of it all

So he eventually comes back, reforming where he died, the site now abandoned, with only a small, but relatively fresh bouquet of flowers and a little arrangement of rocks to symbolise his grave...

ModLee brought him new flowers all the time still and sometimes he sat there and cried for him.

Imagine just moments after AntiRad wakes up and takes everything in there's a scream, and he turns around to see ModLee, dropping the new flowers he brought with his hands clasped over his mouth, looking as if he might faint.

On the other hand I also like the thought of Anti-Rad isolating himself, but there being some trace of his return around the grave that ModLee notices and goes kind of insane over it.

Man Anti-Rad's physical form becoming so unstable because of his ideological standpoint seemingly shifting again after his death, now being sad and beaten down, lacking that anger that once burned holes into his belly (metaphorically)

He feels as if coming back to life after what had happened to him was the cruelest punishment, because what is he supposed to do now? He lost his knife, hunting after his supposed cause now seems pointless, he barely remembers what it was anyway? It's as if his mind is scrambled and he doesn't know what or who he is and what he'd stand or fall for.

Meanwhile ModLee is convinced that AntiRad is alive again and everyone else thinks that he's finally lost it.

Thinking about AntiRad not having his knife anymore genuinely stressing him out and worsening his identity crisis because that was such an integral part of him, his cause and expression of ideology

With it gone it feels as if he's lost an integral part of himself...

The Centrists abandoning AntiRad & leaving him for dead after Ancap shot him...

Most did so because they thought he was done for and didn't actually think they could save him

But my brain wants to make RadCen bad... and make him leave AntiRad out of malice....

Ever since that Libunity fic where RadCen stabbed Post Left.......... he is...... so evil...

And also lowkey just in general???

I have no issue seeing RadCen committing atrocities and smiling about it

He left AntiRad to die because he feared his powers, he worried that he might turn against them, against HIM eventually. He didn't know what that knife would do to him if it ever drew his blood

And that risk greatly outweighed the loss of AntiRad's powers

I really love the notion in Centricide that RadCen never cared about any of the Centrists... yeah...

RadCen didn't show it but when AntiRad returned to Centricity, still very much alive, he both got worried and even more grim.

I like to imagine that when AntiRad snapped, it was actually RadCen egging him on, literally pushing him over the edge, so that he would blow up, and he'd get another excuse to get rid of him once and for all... with the one issue that AntiRad escaped once again

RadCen realised how AntiRad had become even more unstable and played into that.......

Man, AntiRad having genuine trust issues because he knew that the other Centrists just left him for dead, and then finally begins to trust ModLee again just for him to be the one to kill him...

The lyrics to the song I listened to that gave me the idea for this whole thing are:

"Farewell Wanderlust, you've been ever so kind

You brought me through this darkness, but you left me here behind

And so long to the person you begged me to be

He's down, he's dead

Now take a good long look at what you've done to me

He's down, he's dead

He's gone, oh he's lost

He's flown, he's fled

So take a good long look at what you've all done to me."

And I can't help but imagine the "Farewell Wanderlust you've been ever so kind" to be about AntiRad being with the Centrists, being friends w/ them & feeling at home

And then "you brought me through this darkness but you left me here behind" being still him reminiscing about what they'd been through together, including the start of the centricide, until the betrayal of them leaving him for dead......

Them beginning to bring him through the darkness, but leaving him behind before they're fully out of it....

"Now take a good long look at what you've done to me" AntiRad stepping into the barrier into the anti-matter that connects the compass to the off-compass... the instrumental showing a bunch of scenes from AntiRad attacking the Centrists, to him attacking Post Left and then his rise to power in the off compass, the ideologies he's vanquished or altered....

"He's down, he's dead | he's gone, oh he's lost | he's flown, he's fled" ModLee trying to talk to him as AntiRad approaches a sort of "stage" (not an actual stage but yk like a high point to look down on the field below), with the extremists, some centrists and some other ideologies looking up at him....

"So take a good long look at what you've all done to me" is something AntiRad yells at them, ready to finally engage in his ultimate carnage

And then the last few musical notes is ModLee stabbing him in the back.... AntiRad looking back at him with shock... the ideologies below being just as shocked as he was....

The last shot being AntiRad falling backwards onto ModLee....

THAT'S IT FOR NOW!!!!

(kind of I have more bits and pieces but pshhh)

#centricide #jreg #centricide anti radical #antirad #centricide ancap #centricide radcen #centricide post left

[a-tale-of-legends]

Okay one thing I wanted to touch upon yesterday was how I'm noticing that a lot of pokemon villains do what they do out of love. And when I say love I mean love towards something. I dunno if that explains it well but here me out:

Volo is the most recent case, he loves Hisui and wants to end it's suffering, leading him to do what he did.

Rose loves Galar ( also it's clear that Oleana loves Rose. Romantically? Platonically? Who cares, she loves him)

Lusamine, at least in usum, cared for Alola to try and protect it

Guzma freaking loves his crew and will protect them.

Lysandre loved Kalos and the world and thus was disgusted when it became "filthy"

Maxie and Archie, despite their differences, loved Hoenn and wanted to see it grow into what they thought was fit ( Archie wanted pokemon of the sea to have a better place to live, and vice versa with Maxie and humans)

N clearly loves pokemon and everything he has done was for them.

Hell, the team rocket executives in hgss/gsc loved their boss so much to try and get him back.

The only villains that don't really share this love are Ghetsis , Giovanni and Colress imo. Okay. Well. I think Giovanni does care for his grunts, but it's not what's motivating him, I mean.

Edit: So I've been given some points about Colress and Giovanni! Colress loves his science, which drives him to do a lot of questionable things. The reason why I didn't include him at first was because unlike the others science is....science. I really don't know how to explain it, but the love I had in mind was more... personal? Emotional? Though, again, when you really think about it, science is what drives Colress, so I guess I'll give it to him here.

I will fully admit that I don't see Giovanni's love for anything that influences what he does, with the exception of money and power. That being said, Giovanni in the games has shown to care for Silver in his goodbye, promising to come back when he can revive the team rocket. That ...never happened, but the thought at the moment was clear. Again, I really don't think Giovanni's love for his son was what caused him to build a team rocket. He wants to show his son the fruits from his endeavors, sure, but Silver being the motivation seems far fetched in my opinion ( also this is referring to Giovanni). This applies to Mewtwo ( I've always seen the two having more of a mutual agreement than a powerful friendship, though a bond is a bond). What motivates Giovanni that isn't money or power? It's not Silver ( I think) , so is it his team? Maybe! I don't know much about Giovanni, so please know all of this is pretty biased.

Edit #2: IMPORTANT I FORGOT CYRUS. Cyrus is very complicated. Cause compared to Volo, who effectively tried to do the same thing, Cyrus seems more inherently selfish with a destain for humanity, while Volo's seems more just and out of love. In a very very simplified way of saying it, Cyrus is a man who wants to be alone. Him wanting to erase the world of emotion is very much for himself and no one else. However, there's that conversation in Platinum that begins to put a crack in this. Cynthia rightfully says that Cyrus could just fuck off to who knows where and be alone. Cyrus refutes this, saying he can't leave the world in such a state with spirit and emotion. Let's be real here. Cyrus could have very well just isolated himself. But he didn't! Why? Because of humanity. I think this is him showing that he cares, even if it's very twisted and comes from a place of supposed hatred( or Cyrus would just say he feels nothing. Boy, if you really felt nothing, why are you doing this? Dork)

I also didn't mention SM Lusamine! Mainly because I don't have the game anymore ( I lost my cartridge:( ), so I was only going off the memory of her just. Being an asshole to her kids and being obsessed with the UB. Which is still present in USUM, but I didn't consider why she was obsessed with the UB. Mohn. Lusamine loves Mohn so much that it drives her insane. She latched onto the Ultra Beasts, the thing that was last is connected to her husband. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but this goal of finding her husband eventually got lost as she became more and more obsessed with the ultra beast. I could be wrong on that, but that's how I remember it. But I still think it counts because Lusamine's whole thing is "love" so to speak. A mother's love, love for your family, finding people that will "love" you, etc.

The only person who doesn't have any type of love is Ghetsis. He only cares about himself really, but that's not the theme I was going for here so. Yeah.

#r rambles #pokemon legends arceus #pokemon volo #weilder volo #chairman rose #aether president lusamine #team skull guzma #pokemon n #pokemon archie #pokemon maxie #team flare lysandre #team rocket #pokemon giovanni #pokemon colress #pokemon ghetsis #pokemon cyrus #galactic boss cyrus

[raytorosaurus]

i think where people get confused is that mcr did try very hard and very overtly to make their shows a safe space for queer people and women which is not a political act it just feels political because being queer and/or a woman means you exist in a space where your being is politicised by those around you whether you want to actively be involved in those politics or not. but, as you said, the art itself is personal and the message at shows is generally also about personal expression and learning to be yourself and take care of yourself. there's an element of respect each other/respect each others' differences but that's not political there's no call to action there's no fight for structural change and that's totally fine they don't have to be that

yeah no you said it, i totally agree. like i said, they're only political as far as all art is political - maybe slightly more because they made an active effort to engage with a socially outcast audience, tho in their minds that wasn't about specific marginalised groups like queer people, neurodivergent ppl etc - beyond their vocal support of women at shows/in the scene, they were directing their art just at people who didn't quite fit in in general. there's a big venn diagram there (and obviously some contextual cause-and-effect in terms of what kind of people tended to be unwelcome in hardcore scenes lol - even then, mcr never made any statements about race or whiteness) but it's not like gerard started a band to empower or liberate specific identities in a political sense - it was very consciously an effort to sing more about general unifying human experiences - i.e. ones lots of people can relate to. one of mcr's (especially gerard as lyricist) greatest strengths is being able to tap into those "universal" emotions like grief, loneliness, self-hatred etc. and make them a little easier to confront head-on or feel a little less isolating. that's literally why they're popular - if they had been overtly political they simply never would have made it that big! wait i'll let hanif abdurraqib say it because he said it best (brief snippet from his wonderful essay on the black parade in his collection they can't kill us until they kill us - 100% worth the cost of the ebook alone, and all of his essays are brilliant).

that idea is kind of at the heart of mcr and something i really appreciate about it. there's actually very little specificity in mcr's lyrics by design - it's meant to be projected onto and interpreted. that makes it inherently difficult to politicise bc good politics requires clarity of message and intention. that in turn makes mcr pretty apolitical by nature - which isn't a bad thing! different bands (like all types of art) exist for different reasons, and mcr's reason is catharsis and connection far more than it is any kind of activism. we can be pretty assured based on the lyrics and what we know of the guys that their politics aren't terrible and that's enough for me.

the real issue comes in when people act like mcr are political and give them credit for something they're not (and something they've never really claimed to be!). i get that mcr is a gateway band for a lot of people into harder/heavier music - it was for me too! - but even bands one step removed from mcr in the same scene (e.g. thursday) are leagues more political than these guys are.

this goes beyond mcr/bandom now but....tbh i think a lot of it comes from that relatively recent attitude that's common in online circles that activism is heavily rooted in personal identity (which ties in with the harmful pattern of, for example, white queer people acting like they're somehow above other white people in terms of racism) and comes more from individual thought, words, and discussion (in which using the correct language sometimes has more weight than what you're trying to say) than it does from actual community action. this isn't an attack at anyone btw - a lot of the statements about mcr's politics around here are pretty flippant and light-hearted anyway, i doubt too many people are taking them super seriously, but it's probably worth considering. overall, i'm not listening to mcr for politics and i'm certainly not looking to any of them for political guidance, but it's nice to feel connected to them and to all of you guys and to know that they support my identity, but that’s kind of as far as it goes for me.

#me at 6pm: i'm too dead tired to think straight after work :((( #me at 9pm: so in hanif abdurraqib's essay on the representation of universal grief in the black para- #answered #mcr talk #i Think there's an id on that screenshot btw i hope it worked lol (i'm on desktop)

[malicious-vampire]

(Since Tumblr decided to make it impossible to edit an ask that's been saved as a draft, I'm forced to cite it here)

@schizocadaver asked:

"I'll place this as an ask rather than just going straight into messaging you as it feels most correct to me. I've been suspecting for a while that I might have szpd and possibly npd so I was wondering if you might be able to share on your experience of having both and what that's like"

Hello and thanks for the ask! This is a lot since these PDs affect my whole life in various aspects, so I'll try to break it down to the most obvious things, or those that I deem most important. NPD and SZPD complement one another quite well, though there are also some huge difficulties.

For a start, I take incredible pride in my solitude. I prefer spending my time alone and turn to activities I can do on my own, because I hold the core belief that most other people are beneath me and not worth my time or energy. It's also a lot easier to feel godlike and untouchable when you're not perveived by anyone other than yourself - which can also become a problem once I go outside and have to deal with the fact that I can make mistakes and that other people will take notice of that.

I'm a misanthrope and I don't trust anyone. While I do have a few close friends who I care about, I cannot spend more than a few hours at once with them or I'll get annoyed by their presence. Strangers usually disgust me, so it's hard to make any new acquaintances. I do have a perfect pokerface and though people always describe me as friendly and empathetic, I can't form any real emotional connections to anyone. It's like a thin veil or a pane of glass between me and others. Because of that, I never share much about myself. I hate intimacy, both physically and psychologically. Even my closest friends who I've known for years only know me on a surface-level, and sometimes it feels lonely to have no one who truly sees me. It's bittersweet.

On the upside, I can get along really well on my own. I don't want to be around people all the time and I have enough hobbies to keep myself busy and productive without having to rely on anyone else. On the downside, I quickly get bored. Humans require at least a little bit of socializing to function properly, so it's impossible to be truly alone and happy all the time. Therefore I occasionally get a sudden and brief craving for attention, which is difficult to get in that moment when one spends most of their time alone. Then I turn to reckless (sometimes self-harming) behavior or I start spiraling and drown in self-pity, which leads to more isolation and more depression (narc crash). I'm currently working against that by trying to establish a schedule where I get to meet my friends 0.5-1x a week to have enough outside-supply but still primarily inside-supply (e.g. making art and music, studying and turning to other solitary activities).

Part of the reason why social encounters are so exhausting for me is that I mask heavily, even around my family. I intentionally crafted my mask to fit every situation I'm in and I constantly try to adjust it by observing other people's behaviors and matching my emotional reactions (I've heard people describe my personality and it differed a lot depending on the social group, and often wasn't even close to who I actually am). So at least half of my daily energy is wasted on performance.

Additionally, my most present emotions are anger and hate. Since I think very highly of myself, I get offended easily and rarely forgive anyone. This includes myself - if I make a mistake or fail at something, it feels like my chest is about to burst from rage, and it's difficult to calm down. I've been fantasizing about torturing and murdering people on a daily basis for years, partly as an outlet for anger and partly just for fun.

I automatically hide most of my emotions to the point where I'm unable to express happiness or surprise the way neurotypicals do. In general, I rather enjoy thinking rationally and despise emotional reactions as they never really help solving a problem. I may seem cold and apathetic when unmasked, and I often get confused trying to identify my own emotions.

That's all I could think of for now. Spending a lot of time alone gave me the chance to do a great amount of self-reflection, which isn't always nice as I tend to overanalyse everything, but it helps to get a better understanding of myself and my relationship to others.

I hope this small insight helps - Let me know if something's not clear or if you have any other follow-up questions!

#ask #schizoid #szpd #npd #actually npd #schizoid personality disorder #narcissistic personality disorder

[avatar-of-the-web]

I'm seeing posts about amatonormativity but they don't seem to be made by people that have sat with every angle of the subject (fair) so here's my two cents with an angle I've yet to see. Forgive my lack of simplicity and language mistake. Can't afford to write better for now.

It, the nuclear family, the idealisation of a singular monogamous partner and marriage are largely modern concepts, at least in the form they now take anyway. And the whole point of the thing is boosting capitalism and keeping community fairly divided. If we're sectioned off in groups that mostly focus on and care about only people that live in our house with us, where does that leave the collective?

Helping anyone outside is a drag, it's too difficult, it's too much. Engaging anyone outside is a drag, it's too difficult, it's too much.

Why is it so inconvenient?

There is a loneliness epidemic.

On valentine's day, there are a lot of reasons people become severely upset.

You could ask yourself if you're aro, of course, but don't reduce that just to a label—it's a journey, and plenty of aro people spend a long time thinking they want a partner when they really wanted a best friend, or someone who focuses on them before anyonelse without all the excess bullshit, but not all aromantics want that either. We can argue about semantics and where we draw lines in the sand for eternity but ultimately it's individual, it's about what you want and how you want it and how you view that.

If the label helps you find your community then it might be for you. I know I used to be, but I didn't fit in there quite right. I became an identity anarchist instead—I found labeling myself so vaguely confuses people more than it helps. But that's my opinion about me and my parameters.

I digress.

Especially if you seethe with jealousy when you see couples that at least seem to click just right, that show it off but ask yourself if what you need most is an actual support system.

And an actual support system can include a partner, of course, but it should not be compromised of Only or Mostly a partner. But don't mistake this for me saying not having more than that is an individual issue; quite the opposite.

Imagine, a community of people that you can properly interact with and rely on.

Do you have someone or a group even for every side of you? Do you have places you can go to engage with different aspects of yourself and society in a pleasant and meaningful way? Are they accessible? By which I mean, can you actually make it there, and as often as you need to? Can you stretch out parts of yourself too complicated/unrelatable for one group to understand by engaging with another? Whenever you need advice, can you think of a person you can reliably ask, which varies by the subject you need help with?

Do you have someone you can cry to without having to pay a therapist? Do you have anyone who'll be your rubber ducky in a pinch, that you can rely on to have faith in you to grow and not antagonise you for what you said or did once forever?

They don't have to be able to offer advice beyond normal capabilities. Crying to your friends and accepting their advice (which is admittedly usually mediocre BUT still gives something abundantly helpful—a different perspective you don't have to pay money for but friendship instead) is an old social behaviour of humans. Bitching to friends so they can comfort you and/or help you see where you went wrong so you can be more reasonable with the people they're upset with is much the same.

But more and more I saw the attitude of saying "seek therapy, friends aren't for that" rise. And worst, it escalated to "strangers aren't for that", which tells me with the lack of anyone to depressurize with people just started spilling uncontrollably more. And what are they met with? It being called trauma dumping, being pushed farther in to isolation.

I'm not saying every friend needs to "allow" or "put up with" that. That's why it's a COMMUNITY. If the thought of a friend venting to you drives you up the wall—good news! Other people LOVE being that friend, so you don't need to be them, or get personally heated like that. Maybe you're just not That Type of friend. I don't know, I'm not you.

But in a community you can depend on the fact that there will be someone who enjoys everything if only you could mingle enough to explore it and individuals enough to find that out.

In community we challenge ourselves of course! It's full of compromise. But ideally we accentuate our strengths instead of focusing on forcing ourselves through our weaknesses pointlessly. We can lean on eachother for help. It's give and it's take and we pay with favours and trust and joy and quality time and more so that we can keep the support going without burning out; we give.

Humans did not EVOLVE to function alone. Like it or not, we simply can't. The closest we can do is blind ourself to how much the hands of others play a part in our life and wonder why things aren't going so smoothly when we avoid them or they retract, and we're more alone than perhaps we ever even intended.

How do we go back from here?

Who does it benefit if the only question you ask is "why don't I have a partner?" and perhaps "why don't I feel like I can handle one even if I want one"

And the latter is a reflection of this; they'll say you shouldn't put Everything on your partner, but fail to discuss why that's a reoccurring issue in the first place!

Who does it benefit if you're not asking "Where is my community, and how do I help build it?" instead.

Because I don't think it's you!

We all deserve to be well adjusted. And amatonormativity is never going to lead to a society made of mostly well-adjusted people. Almost all of us in places where we've been robbed of community are severely under-socialised, and that ranges to places with apparent community which is largely compromised of vapid attitudes that allow people to have friends at such an arms length that we still feel alone.

We deserve better than that.

#might delete this in a little bit I don't like attention lol #amatonormativity