#i dont know what to say other than i literally cried when he told me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ktchie · 6 months

Note

Jason/Ted has done something to majorly piss you off so a night of femdom/teasing/edging is needed to teach him a lesson 😈

'Just you'

Sub!Ted x Reader

Smut, Angst and Fluff

♡other tags: blow jobs, submissive!Ted Lasso, tooth rotting fluff, heart wrenching Angst, porn with a light plot.

♤2.5k wordw

◇Ted made you jealous, a little punishment wouldn't hurt would it?

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

"Youre not crying are you, darling?" You asked mockingly, cruelly, and chuckling when Ted shook his head quickly - eyes closed and jaw clenched.

You gripped his cock in your palm, wet and loud with each movement. He shudders and writh under your hold, gasping with heaving chest and sweaty throat.

"P-please!" He cried, looking at you before falling back down again on the bed, mouth agape. "L-let me cu-cum! I'm..im-fuck!"

You chuckled once again, twisting your hand onto the head, stimulating the nerve under the tip of his cock - it made him moaned louder, messier, made his toes curl and eyes rolled back. "Youre adorable, you really think I would let you?"

"Oh please.." he begged weakly, lips almost trembling and he never look more beautiful. "H-honey please, i-im sorry-mgh shit!- please!" His thighs shook and his stomach tighten, his moaning got louder, whimpering pathetically at every second.

His cock was soak with his own precum, wet with every pump. It made your mouth water but the fury inside your chest burn much deeper.

You grin before you removed your hand off his leaking cock, watching amusely as he sob.

"D-darlin" he whined, back arching - chasing the feeling of pleasure that had been cruelly yank from him. "Please..please.."

He looked at you with big eyes, wet with tears, pathethic and saddening.

He reached for you but you did not let him get closed, he whimpered lowly - hurt.

"Please honey? Can you..can you.." he bit his lip, he didn't even know what to ask, what to say, he wanted so many things from you, whether it be a kiss, a hug or a touch on his throbbing cock. He wanted it all and yet his tounge lay motionless on the roof of his mouth.

"Can I what?" You titled your head, watching as his throat bob and his eyes beg.

"..Kiss?" He settled with one word, doing his best to show you that he's desperate for it. "Please? I-ill be..ill be good for ya'"

"Ah yes, you will wouldn't you? Told me that earlier before you went off to talk to some woman and make me jealous"

Ted frowned and for a second you thought he's going to sob again. "I-i was- I was being a fool, I wanted to make you jealous cause i thought it would be fun but i- I was wrong"

"Of course you would say that, I mean look at you" you gestured to himself. "Laying on my bed with your cock red and leaking, pathetic"

Ted shook his head "you don't have to touch it anymore, love. You can just- can just leave me 'ere, but please don't be mad, please I was- i was a dumbass. I just wanted to-" he swallowed, his eyes suddenly not meeting your own.

"Just wanted to see how..how important i was to you and it was-it was dumb and I shouldn't have went to her but it just-i dont know, I just wanted to see.. I shouldn't have than that"

And God fucking dammit how can you be angry at him more?

"I wouldn't do it again, promise" he looked up to you then, big eyes so earnest and so hopeful and it does things to a woman like you.

"Ya dont hav'ta touch me anymore..I don't.. I don't care about it, you can just play with me and not let me finish and ill be okay but just..honey, please..dont be mad at me" he reach for your hand, the one you had used earlier to grip his throat. He pulled it slowly to his cheeks and press a kiss on the palm, all while looking at you like you hold the key to end his suffering. "Im sorry, please."

You clenched your jaw and lightly cursed, you can't fucking believe this, Ted literally have you dancing on his hand, you think you would burn the whole world if he ask this nicely.

"Youre killing me, sweetheart" you sealed your words with a passionate kiss on his wet mouth, hand now gripping his hair and pulling it. Groaning when he shudder underneath you. "You're a pain the ass, you know that? I couldn't even be mad at you properly without wanting to tell you how much I love you"

Ted, sweet sweet Ted, grinned so big, cheeks flushing red with your words as if he wasn't naked underneath you with his cock poking your ass. "I love you too"

"Dumbass" you leaned into him again, kiss him like you would never had a chance again, you captured every breath with your own mouth, swallowing anything he can offer and taking anything he can give. You lick his tounge, suck it and bit his lip. You groaned when he groaned and moaned when he moaned. He's getting needy now, humping you lightly, thighs almost trembling.

"Want to cum?" You asked lowly on his lips and Ted slowly opened his eyes, staring at you silently.

"Speak, baby." You peck his neck "Come on, tell me"

He moaned and gripped your hips tightly "d-dont know, up to ya'"

You chuckled "so if I say I don't want to and get up, you're not gonna be pissy all afternoon?"

"No" he answered quickly, the hands on your hips now settling on your back and pushing you slowly into him, embracing you with a sigh.

"Told ya', i dont care 'bout it anymore, I just want you to forgive me" he buried his face into your neck and sniff a little, it broke your heart, shattered it into a million pieces

"I thought you're gonna leave me" he whispered so lowly you almost thought it was nothing but a passing wind but once the words settled in your brain you feel like crying too.

"Oh honey.." you gripped him tight and you kinda want to hit your head on the wall for even doing this, for yelling at him, of course Ted would cry, would be so emotional, many people had left him before, many of those are the people he had never thought would leave him without looking back. He would still woke up at night with a cry of his father's name on his mouth and would still wonder how he can never be enough. You hate yourself a little more..

"Gosh, when you-when you ask to go home earlier I thought you're gonna leave me, that once we got back to the flat you'll pack up and leave" he sniff once again and you feel a little wetness on your neck.

"That you-that you would leave me and..I-i was so nervous because I couldn't loose ya', i-i just couldn't, I was prepared to do anythin' y'know? Beg on my knees or-or anythin' just to make you stay.." he gripped you more tighter, pulling you more closer, you thread your fingers into his hair and peck him on the side of his head. "I couldn't loose ya' y/n, I wouldn't.. I wouldn't know what to do"

"Shhh" you lightly pulled away and cradle his face in your palm, you wiped the tears that shed on his cheeks and kiss his forehead lightly. "Im not going to leave you, I would never, I love you so much okay? I'm sorry"

"No you don't gotta apologis-"

"No, I'm sorry" you caressed his cheeks, staring at him heatedly. "I shouldn't have..fuck, I shouldn't have done this, shouldn't have yell at you. I wish we just talk and did not let my frustration got the better of me-"

"'S okay, I understand why you're upset"

"Yes, but I should have still thought about what you would feel before I yell at you or, christ, push you in the bed and..y'know"

He smiled then and even with tears on his face it was still as pretty as ever. "'S okay, I like it"

You grinned at him and peck his nose. "Im sorry"

"Im sorry too"

You both kissed again, slower this time. Filled with love and adoration and promises that left unsaid. You sighed into his mouth before you went and kiss his neck, he shudder lightly. "Stay still, yeah?"

"Okay" he nodded his head obediently.

"Good boy" he moaned loudly on that one, cock twitching.

"You like it when I say that hm?"

Ted nod, breath broken. His tummy moved heavily underneath your palm, your fingers lightly tracing the hair depicted on his belly button.

"My good boy" you place a kiss on his collar bone. "My best boy" you peck at his throat and Ted's breath hitched, and the grip on his bedsheets tighten before you met his eyes, dark and soft and so utterly fucked out. "My love.." you kissed the spot right where his heart lay and grinned when he shudders.

Your hands went to his hips before you went down slowly, placing kisses on every skin you can reach until you're face to face with his cock, fat and thick with a large vein underneath. It dribbles with slick, dripping on his tummy staining his skin and you hummed before you licked it, gracing the tip of his dick teasingly.

Ted moaned loudly, almost like a sob.

"You have the prettiest cock I've ever seen, sweetheart" you grinned when he blush, eyes half lided and mouth agape as he looked down on you. "Pretty fucking thing, sweet too" you licked it once again and you heard him gasp.

"P-please" he whimpered, hand on your arm gently. "I cant-i can't take it anymore, please can you..oh god"

He shook when you took him all the way, fat head hitting the back of your throat. His thighs trembled and his back arched, chest sweaty and mouth chasing his breath.

"O-oh fuck! ho-honey" he whined, closing his eyes tightly as you twirled your tounge on his cock, drool dripping from the corner of your mouth and to his heavy balls.

You pulled away with a slurp, breathing heavy before you pump his wet cock quickly.

"Nghhh!" He jerked when your thumb traced his slit, stomach tightening.

"Feels good?" You ask, mesmerized on the way he looks at the moment. Blury eyes wet and looking like there's no thought on his head. "Words, Ted"

"'S good" he had slurred, closing his eyes and pushing his nose sideways on the pillow. "So-so good"

You grinned, hand slithering its way on his nipples before you flick it lightly, watching him jerked and cried out. "You look so handsome getting fucked by me"

Ted nodded his head, agreeing.

"Just ya" he mummbled "just for ya"

"Yeah? You like being handsome for me?"

"Mhm hm" he nodded his head, hips thrusting to chase for your palm, mouth agape. "Love being handsome f'you, haa fuck~" he whined when touch his heavy balls, playing with it as he shudders and shudders and a tear fell down on his eyes.

"Even with tears in your eyes you look good" you stated, pecking his cheeks before you went down once again, blowing a wind on his aching cock before you took it whole in your mouth.

Ted chocked out and arch his back, pushing it further into your warm mouth. "Ha~ oh plea-please!""

You hummed on his cock, bobbing your head up and down, nails digging on his thighs.

"Takin' me so deep, oh god h-honey" he threw his head back and groaned, exposing his throat. He briefly thrusted up, making you gag. Your eyes rolled back, you can feel your own wetness on your pants.

" 'm close, 'm close" he keeps repeating, you reach for his hand and place it at the back of your head. Encouraging him to use you like a toy, fuck your mouth like he owns it and make a mess on your throat. "I-i dont know, i- fuck!- don' wanna hurt ya-"

You rolled your eyes before pushing your head further into his cock, swallowing it and licking its length. As if saying you can handle it and Ted had actually nodded, eyes blazing with fire.

He put both of his palm on each of your cheeks, lifting your head lightly before he started thrusting up quickly, hitting the back of your throat over and over and over again mercilessly, even when drool drips and you lightly choke.

"F-fuck, ya look so fuckin' pretty" his words were so filthy but he had whined it, as if he couldn't take it. "S-so pretty with my cock in yer mouth, mhmm" he let go off one of your cheek and took a hold of your hair. " 'm gonna fuck it good, yeah?" He thrusted rather harshly "Thats what ya wa-want ain't that right?" He grinned, lazy and fucked out.

He cried out, closing his eyes before he used the grip in your hair to rapidly moved you up and down on his throbbing cock.

"Oh god" He let go of you lightly to help you breath but not even a word in youre back again on his dick, choking on it like you're meant to do so.

You're soaking at this point, your stomach tingling and your head mushy.

"F-feel so good" he had sobbed

"Feel So warm" he had followed, his pace slowing down. Dragging your own head onto his cock in a phase that you could savour his own slick before it can even drip down.

You moaned lowly before pulling his cock off your mouth, Ted whined once again before you went to his lips and kiss him, slowly, adoringly, as if pouring your own heart into it.

Your hand reach for his cock, hard and thick that you couldn't even properly grasped it.

"Mhmm" he moaned in to your mouth before you pulled away, pushing his face in your neck as you stroke him.

" 'm 'bout too, m 'bou too, o-oh god" he whimpered, pushing his face further and holding onto you for dear life.

"Let go for me" you replied, breath hot on his ears. "Be a good boy and cum on my hand"

Ted nod his head, moaning and shuddering. He grips your hips, humping your hand.

"H-honey" he whined, breath warmth and broken.

"I know" you cooed, your hand going faster. "Feels good yeah?" You pecked his shoulder

"My good boy..I love you"

He cried out on that one, going rigid as he spilled onto your hand with a loud moan followed by a whine and a sob. He trembled and his cum seems to not stop, it was warm and thick and he gripped on you tight as if you would slipped away.

"There we go, there's my good boy" you cooed at him, pulling away lightly to kiss his neck and cheeks. "My beautiful boy, you look so good"

"T-too much" he whispered, getting away from your still pumping hand and you chuckled before you pulled it away. Wiping his cam with a rag you keep on the bedside all while staring at him heave and blush from the orgasm.

"You okay?"

He nodded his head, half lided eyes open to look at you.

"Feels amazin', like I'm floating"

"Yeah?" You grinned and peck his lips, he chased for it as you pulled away. "Lets get you clean up, then dinner okay?"

Ted nod his head, smiling like he was under some drug.

"M'kay, love you. Just you"

You grinned so big you think your whole face would tear apart.

"I love you too, darling. Just you"

#ted lasso #jason sudeikis #ted lasso x reader #fanfiction #ted lasso fanfic #ted lasso fanfiction #ted lasso smut #sub ted lasso #inbox

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toomanyfandomsimfanvergent · 1 year

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Established (but secret) relationship between Robin and reader. This is at the begining of the summer (S3)

A/N; I love this fic, so much! And I cried while writing it. It does have a happy ending!

Robin Buckley x Harrington!Reader

'I won't go down in history, but I will go down on your sister'

It was scary being a lesbian in hawkins, Indiana 1983. It was scary as fuck. If you hit on the wrong girl, the town had a new freak.

You assumed you could handle being labeled, but Steve wouldn't be able to handle being the brother of the fruity fairy.

It was best to stay in the closet. The only person who knew guys weren't your fortay was your girlfriend; Robin Buckley.

"Do you plan on telling your brother?" Robin asks. You had both decided to go hide in the store room. You had agreed to get Steve a date with one of your friends, and he had agreed to man the store.

When you had taken Robin Steve had said something about 'boy talk'. Disgusting.

"I feel like he would be okay with it, but I don't know. I'm nervous,I mean he's like my best friend. We raised each other, but I don't know," you sigh and Robin nods.

"Yeah, I get it. I haven't told anyone. But you," Robin replies and you grab the pen. You had both bought matching red high tops at the beginning of summer. Now you had to mark them.

"Okay, I know what mine should say," Robin says with a laugh, "I think you may like it. "I won't go down in history, but I will go down on your sister,"" she says and you laugh.

"Are you trying to tell Steve we are fucking?" You ask and that only makes Robin laugh even more as she writes it.

"I'm going to write it to, but be honest. What are the chances you think Steve will see that and kill you?" You ask and Robin laughs before handing you the pen.

"100 percent," she laughs as you copy her shoes. Once you finish, you both stand up and look down.

"They match, it's cute. But subtle," she says. No one would know about the two of you. But you did debate telling Steve.

"Im going to tell Steve tonight," you blurt as you both head into work. Robin goes wide eyed before giving you a supportive smile. She mouths 'you got this' before going back to slinging ice cream.

💋

It was another lonely night; just you and Steve. You both had made sandwiches, after a long day at the mall neither one of you had the energy to cook. And you desperately needed to make a grocery run.

"We've ate worse," Steve says as he takes a bite if his peanut butter sandwhich. "like the time I left you in the kitchen unsupervised," Steve was the cook, definitely not you.

Steve had noticed you had been even weirder than normal today. He didn't know why, he assumed girl problems and decided not to pry. You were both pretty open, not really keeping secrets.

You were terrified. What if Steve diddnt accept you? What would you do? If he told your parents, well you would be quite literally dead. And that was if you got lucky.

"Okay, I can't do this. Something is wrong, you've been acting really weird all day," Steve says and you freak the fuck out. It was Steve, of course he knew.

"Look, if you're pregnant, we'll get throufh-" you cut off that bullshit. There was no way in frozen hell that you had gotten pregnant.

"-I'm not pregnant," you say and he looks even more confused. He had no clue why you would be acting different if not.

"Yn, you can tell me," he says softly. You take a deep breath and tears prick your eyes. You go to walk away and Steve follows you.

"You won't love me anymore," you insist and Steve looks bewildered. Why would you think that? Steve was more worried now.

"Yn, there is nothing on this planet you could do that would ever make me not love you," Steve assures and pulls you in for a hug.

You let out a quick sob, you couldn't cry. Why was this so hard? You had assumed once you got over the nerves it would be easy. It wasnt.

"I dont like- I don't like guys Steve," you say and pull away to look at him. He looks more confused then anything.

"If you don't like gu- oh," Steve cuts himself off mid sentence. He realized; you like girls. He didn't care, and would love you either way.

"So, who?" He asks and you let out a choked up laugh. You snifle as he pulls you in for another (awkward) hug. Steve didn't want to fuck this up.

"Well there's this girl," you say with a smile. Steve sees the light you get in your eyes when you begin to speak, "Her smile , it's like heaven. Um, she's really pretty, and she's also my girlfriend," you finish and Steve nods.

"You can't leave me clueless," Steve teases and you decide to tell him. He would find out eventually.

"Robin, Robin Buckley, the band nerd. I love her Steve," you say and look at him. He looks shocked.

"So, Robin likes girls?" You nod, "And you like girls?" You nod yes to both of Steve's questions, "And I like girls," you laugh and nod. Where was he going. He gets a smug smirk on his face, "In simpler terms; we all three love boobies." You groan. That just makes stevd laugh.

"Yes Steve, we love boobies," you laugh to. It was to funny not to. You were being serious, telling him something the could change everything, and he made a boobie joke.

You both spend the rest of the night talking girls. And Steve talks shit about your taste, other then Robin.

💋

I hope you guys liked it! This took forever!

Requests are open! Check my pinned post for who I write for!

#robin buckley x fem!reader #robin buckley fluff #robin buckley x female reader #robin buckley x y/n #robin buckley x reader #robin buckley x you #robin buckley #Steve Harrington x sister!reader #Robin Buckley x Harrington!reader #robin x reader #robin buckley is a lesbian

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lex-drinks-blood · 2 years

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I wondered do ya have any headcannons for Authur, I actually started watching the show its pretty good too. The boi is pretty sour tho

the boi is too sour for his own good at times, but we love him anyway 🙄

I actually have wanted to start working on some headcanons so this ask is perfect for me!! so thank you thank you for asking, I hope you like some of my takes on the character! this is also kind of long, I didnt realize how much I needed to get out of my system, but I hope you enjoy it anyway 😭

Arthur Havisham x Male Reader: just some headcanons, fluff, sensual, smut (just dont tell anyone)

Warnings: brief mentions of alcohol abuse, brief mentions of homophobia, some sexual stuff for once

- for starters, man's is not nearly as tough as he wants everyone to believe he is. I mean, he isn't exactly weak, but he's a smaller dude. i mean, he can take a hit pretty well without acting fazed, but he'll be screwed in the morning

- he is very strong mentally though. he has endured a lot of trauma and ridicule in his life, so he has learned pretty quickly how to be self sufficient and take care of himself.

- he is a huge sweetie. you'd never guess based on his normally larger than life and sour personality, but he really really cares about the people he holds dear.

- he always always always falls asleep in your arms. whether you're on the couch, in bed, or literally on the floor, he will probably start to get sleepy if you are holding him. the warmth of your body just draws him in and makes him never want to leave.

- since being with you, he has started drinking less. he says you "make him feel like he's actually worth something" so he tries to take better care of himself now.

- ACTS. OF. SERVICE. if arthur wants to tell someone how much he admires them, he'll do their laundry, was dishes, make a meal, tidy up the house a bit. he normally hates doing what he calls "busy work" but when it's for you or someone else that he loves, he will gladly take on the task.

- he is ALWAYS little spoon. this goes back to the "him falling asleep in your arms" thing, but he just feels so safe when you hold him.

- he's shorter than you. idk why I imagine this, but it just makes sense to me that he'd be a rather small man.

- when you are in public, pda is absolutely not an option if you want to... idk... stay alive maybe? this means you and arthur have to be very careful about what looks like two best guy friends and what looks like two gay men. because of this, arthur has started a habit of linking your pinkie fingers together when you are on emptier streets.

- whenever you give him gifts he is always trying to ask how much it was so he can pay you back. he doesnt feel like he needs gifts because he already knows you love him. you love giving him gifts though because he always blushes as he opens them

- since you and arthur cant get married, you did gift him a ring that he always wears on his left middle finger (that way he won't get questions about the "secret woman"). he definitely teared up when you explained to him that this was your version of a marriage proposal and cried in to your shoulder before you even put it on him.

- he falls alseep first, but hes a very light sleeper. this works out though, because he often wakes up in the night before you even fall alseep. this gives you a chance to have really intimate moments and whisper sweet nothings to each other in the few moments of privacy you have together.

- i like to imagine that arthur and amelia rekindled their relationship upon uncovering the truth about compeyson, rather than ostracizing each other. this leads to you being brought to the estate a lot when theh hold meetings regarding the brewery (arthur says it's for good luck)

- amelia thinks of both of you as her brothers. you are always invited to family meals, family meetings, and meetings regarding the brewery.

- amelia was never told about what your relationship with arthur actually is, she just appreciated that he had someone to take care of him an keep him out of trouble. she doesnt ask about your relationship eithier she just asks you how arthur's been doing lately. you are always happy to update her

- amelia still worrys about arthur after she found out about the abuse he endured, hence why she is always asking about him in private

- he normally keeps his shirt on during spicy times and when he sleeps. he's insecure about his scars from compeyson's abuse. whenever he decides to take it off though, you always kiss his back and tell him how strong he is and how much you love him.

SMUT STARTS HERE

- he is actually somewhat submissive, believe it or not, and not just in sexy situations! he just genuinely wants to make sure you're happy, so he listens to you more than other people. whether it's simple things like "you need to eat," "you need to drink some water, love," "can you help me tidy the house," to spicier things like requests in the bedroom

- you guys are pretty vanilla, as you try not to be too controlling due to his past. arthur always tells you he's fine but you worry, you also just aren't big on trying to control him anyway, you like how spunky he is.

- since we're already getting a tad spicy, arthur is a praise fiend. he loves hearing you tell him how good he's doing, some of his favorites include, "such a pretty boy for me," "my good boy," "just like that," and of course, hearing you chant his name like a prayer and the other little noises you make that tell him he's doing a good job. this also applies outside of the bedroom though. If he's performing a hard task or starts getting stressed out, hearing you call him your "strong boy" immediately gives him motivation to finish his task. Sometimes you tease him by giving him bits and pieces of the plans you have for the day and when he finally puts it together, he loves your almost sarcastic "atta boy arthur"

- when arthur does decide to take more control, you absolutely melt. I mean you love all sides of him, but it's just so rare that he gets the confidence to make you beg for him that when he does it, you immediately become putty in his hands

- hair pulling. arthur loves when you do it, and he (unconsciously) does it to you all the time. he absolutely melts went you pull his hair while he goes down on you.

- when you go down on him, he is very very reactive. expletives spill from his mouth almost as frequently as your name. he is so sensitive and needy, he doesn't even realize that he bucks his hips into your mouth and pulls your hair to get you closer to him. You dont mind tho, you think its hot

- speaking of needy arthur, he absolutely melts at your touch. you could be tracing your finger down his chest to his waistband and he would already be begging for you to touch him.

wow ok, I think I'm gonna stop here for today. I hope some of you like this kind of thing! I especially hope these headcanons were somewhat enjoyable lol. as always, feel free to leave requests in my comments or in my asks!!

#arthur havisham #arthur havisham x male reader #arthur havisham x reader #arthur havisham x trans male reader #dickensian #joe quinn #joseph quinn #arthur havisham headcanons #arthur havisham fluff #arthur havisham smut

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sophiagrimes · 8 months

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guys life is hell. hell. why is there drama. im 22. why is this high school bullshit happening to me

i hate it here. why did i get invited out by my crush and then when we invited our other friend to get her a bday drink.. and she pulled up with her roommate. and roomie asks if we can talk so i say yes and my “friend” follows us out. roommate said i was disrespectful to her & her bf the whole trip. she called me immature and irritating and said that i needed to learn to read social cues. she said i ruined the trip. she said i was self centered and attention seeking. while also saying “i dont know you well, but-“ the whole time.

at one point early on in the trip, she changed out of her pants and sat around in her underwear for about half an hour. the next day, while my friend was putting her makeup on in the bathroom, i quickly changed pants by my bed. no hanging around, just changing. she said this was incredibly disrespectful and kept repeating that she wanted to “beat my ass.” then she said “what if i did that in front of (my crush)?” and when i said that it was different bc he is not my boyfriend, she insisted that i wouldve been irritated. then she went on to say again that im childish because i “havent done anything with my crush” and i had to tell her that i did confess my crush to him, she said “and?” and she rolled her eyes and laughed when i told her we were seeing where it goes.

when i tried to ask my “friend” if this was true, if she thought i made everything about myself and ruined the trip, she said that yes she did feel uncomfortable being put between me and the other two. they told me that i was in the wrong for disagreeing with her boyfriend when he said dumb shit about homeless people and the BLM movement and shit. (before the trip my “friend” told me that this man is a “self proclaimed andrew tate dick-rider.”) they said i had to learn how to read the room and let people have different opinions than you.

i asked the roommate if i could talk to my “friend” alone and they both said no. the roommate said she didn’t want to know me or talk to me ever again, we’re not friends, she doesn’t want to be acquaintances. if i end up in her house she said her and her boyfriend would not be nice to me. she wouldnt shake my hand. they left.

they literally only stayed at the bar for like 20 minutes max. just showed up, my “friend” had my crush buy her vodka soda, and barely talked. just nodded and stared at me.

i go back inside and the night is OBVIOUSLY ruined! because i had been having so much fun hanging out with my crush! we talked abt music and the stuff i did in new york and shit. picked on each other. but now i start choking up while we close our tabs and go to sit outside, and i IMMEDIATELY start crying. he says “i knew it was gonna be bad because when you went to the bathroom, roommate leaned over to me and said “you’re gonna have to comfort her after this.””

HOW FUCKED UP IS THAT! like intentionally ruined both of our nights because he did have to comfort me! i cried bro! he told me they were wrong for doing it like this, he says i shouldn’t have gone on the trip with them at all because they are clearly not people i should’ve been friends with. he said i was smart and they probably made me look better to new yorkers on the trip. he said he’d been in my “friends” position before and he thinks that she shouldn’t have let me hang with them. he said its good that i stick to my opinions. he said he understands why people are intimidated by me but he also said i like being intimidating a little bit (i do.) and i even told him the stuff she said to me about HIM and he LAUGHED when i said she accused me of not doing anything about the crush. he was like “yeah no you definitely took initiative there” and said shes a dumbass who doesn’t know anything. he couldn’t believe our “friend” didn’t say hardly anything out there. said they ruined the night.

even though we had originally planned to leave early we literally sat there outside till the bar closed. he gave me a hug (a first!) then we went home.

that was wednesday night and we worked together yesterday and today, barely talked or looked at each other. she has my copy of tbosas and my elf concealer, i have her house key and her thg trilogy… and tbh chat i do owe her money😵‍💫😭🪦💔😟 but im on it

anyway. dnd nights ruined my favorite bar ruined my image to my crush ruined my work environment ruined. memories ruined plans ruined ugh. i hate everything so bad rn. i just dont know why she couldn’t tell me these things in the moment/right after, or even call me and get me alone after work. she waited until i was out with the guy i like at our favorite spot! stood there silently while her roommate that i barely know threatens to kick my ass! what the fuck?!!!?!

#txt

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bonesandthebees · 8 months

Note

OH GOD ITS THIS CHAPTER (5) OH GOD OH FUCKSHFKGKF

I remember this chapter caught me SO OFF guard, i wasnt expecting the angst to be so intense /pos goddd this chapter is so good

Another eerie parallel of hats and my life is my aunt gifted me tarot cards, and we spoke a lot about tarot when i went to visit her, wild

Apparently her mom used to do tarot but then she predicted her best friend's death so she stopped 🧍‍♂️ LIKE??!?! MY AUNT JUST DROPPED THAT ON ME AND CHANGED THE TOPIC LIKE HELLOOO GO BACK WDYM UR MOM PREDICTED SOMEONES DEATH?!??!?@?

Shits wild, she ALSO told me some hella spooky irl ghost stories

Also lmfao i love hats tubbo sm, hes so iconic

I LOVE WILBUR SO MUCH

HES SUCHHHH AN OLDER BROTHER SOBS CRIES WAILS

SCREAMS

*SCREAMS*

I FORGOT HE ALMOST SLIPS UP OHMYGOD OHGMDYDOHGKDYFI

OIHDHDJDJD

HE LOVES HIM SO MUCH:(( HE LOVES HIM SOOOO MUCH BROISHFODUEOF 😭😭😭 THIS FIC MAKES ME SO ILL MAN SO ILL

It is crazy how accurate tarot can get like bruh... whenever i do it the cards themselves align with each other so well, to the point where sometimes they'll literally say the same thing 😭 out of the 60 plus cards in my deck i somehow chose the two that say the same thing, wild (i dont have an exact tarot deck, it's a spiritual oracle one but still cool :D

EUEUEUEU i love thr reading sm

I love how immediately after the cards call tommy out for not talking to Phil, he runs into him 😭😭 its so funny i love it sm

HEJRKFIGJDGEKFJFJDD OHMYGOD WE'RE AT THE SCENE OHMYGODDHDKGKF

I remember being so jumpscared by the amount of adrenaline this scene gave me like ??? Bro its a slice of life movie, Why do i feel like im fearing for my LIFE /pos THE ADRENALINE IS SO MUCH FUN I LOVE THIS SCENE SO MUCH ITS SOOFOGOSJGKGK AAAAA ABDKGKGNDKDJKGKGMFBRJGNFNFKGMNF I CANT EXPRESS HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS FIC

THIS IS SO AWKWARD [SCREAMS] OHMYGODDD

I love tubbo:( all of them are so supportive

This is the most fucking awkward conversation 😭😭

GODDD I CANTTT HE WIDPFIFKF THE MISCOMMUNICATION HURTS SJFOGIGJTN AAAAA SOBSSS

Wilbur caLLED PHIL DAD OHMYGOD NOBODY MOVE BEE SANDDUO OHMGYFOHMGYDPHLHUDHSFODIAHEFODUODFJKFKDJEOTJDJFKGKF IM SO WEAK AND FRAIL AAAAAAA

SGFKFUSORHSKFJJFJDB ABDKAVJRBSJDBSKSBRKSN

SLAMS FIST ON DESK

CRIMEBOYS

THEYRJEOSOSOSUDKSDIFJFK THEYRE A9DOOOSODJFDLFJ I CANT I CANT OHMUGODUDHDOWHRIDJ

HES SOOOO FOND OHMYGOD

Tommys such a little shit shfkgkfkf a clever one but still shfkgkglf

THIS FIC IS SO GOOODOFJFLGKDHSJFKF

THE HUG, IM SCREAMING

God i am not ready for the next few chapters

LMAO ngl I don't know how your aunt's mom could've predicted someones death when that's not really what tarot does (at least to my knowledge) but uhh idk I don't do it myself so who knows

tangerines crimeboys make me so ill you dont understand aaaaa wilbur wants to be a supportive older brother but also doesn't wanna push too hard and make tommy uncomfortable bc tommy was so young the last time they were siblings and just gahhh

I'm actually very much a skeptic of all those kinds of things tarot included, and I view tarot as more of a self reflective tool than anything else, but yeah it can definitely feel scarily accurate at times. the few times friends have done readings for me sometimes they say something insanely close to what i'm dealing with in my life and I'm just like OH

lol yeah ngl I was like "do I really want them to run into phil right after this tarot card reading" but I didn't want to put it off for another chapter bc the setup was just too convenient so I was like oh well it'll be plot convenience

it was SUCH an awkward conversation god all the interactions between tommy and phil in this fic are so tense

crimeboys <333 tommy using being drunk as an excuse to get a hug we love to see it

#ask #icyfox17 #honey and tangerines

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campirebites · 1 year

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more medical garbage bitching dont mind me (feel free to blacklist camyellsOW to ignore these)

im liking being able to look back on these before other appointments

im currently on hold with my insurance because my rheumatologist listened to me and he wrote me a prescription for ring splints and I called around to physical therapy offices and found one that has hand therapy and can take my and my appointment is in less than 3 weeks which for PT in my area and PT as specific as this thats AMAZING holy shit. Its actually closer to two weeks than 3 but I feel like im doxxing myself if i say specifics lmao

so im calling my insurance company to see if they can tell me ahead of time if there are a fuckload of hoops im going to have to jump through in order to get my splints

for the first time ever I feel kind of hopeful about my joint health. Were doing a lyme disease blood panel to see if thats the source of my nausea, dizziness, fatigue, and headaches. He ordered a couple more things Im going to google

I told him that I know we need to do physical therapy first but eventually id love to talk to him about a wheelchair and he said no and I started crying again and he was like I think thats a bad idea let me tell you why and I was like NO thats internalized ableism and thats a YOU problem! Wheelchairs are mobility they are FREEDOM. I cannot currently lift enough laundry at once to fill the washer without subluxing my shoulder/collarbone so I have to take multiple trips and frequently have to sit down between trips but with a wheelchair Id have the freedom and capability to just do a load of laundry. I already cook having to sit down. You can have an amazing wonderful fulfillling life in wheelchair that you cant have when youre in bed every day because everything hurts so much. You can tell me not right now or maybe in the future but just a no is the most hopeless answer you can give me. That is a YOU problem.

and he like did a little head tilt like a dog and was like. You know what? Youre right. Thats something I need to reevaluate in my own head. So, youre right I wont tell you know, but Ill tell you first we need to try physical therapy

that fucking honesty is why I love him so much. He was like "you need a therapist" and i was like dude if you tell me that one more time im going to start crying again I KNOW

and I apologized and thanked him for dealing with my anger because i just angry cried at him basically the entire appointment and he just said Its okay, I know Im not who youre mad at. I wont take it personally and holy shit that was just the biggest load off of my back and I was like no youre right im literally just mad at my body. At one point he said "you know im empathetic, I bet it does hurt that bad." Like holy shit Dr G you are a king amongst doctors. He had knee surgery recently and I used it against him and he didnt even get mad. In my angry crying I was like you just had knee surgery. Sitting in bed wallowing in pain all day. It fucking sucks doesnt it? Imagine twenty five fucking YEARS of that! and he just nodded and digested that and was like yeah, I hear you.

This man is the best doctor in the world

at the very least im on my way to my ring splints which will help my quality of life SO fucking much holy shit

I also told him about the highly unprofessional cardiologist i saw who just told me I was fat and showed me his grandsons fortnite youtube channel and he was like wow literally what? and I was like I dont know man. And then he talked shit about cardiologists and how they tend to be fuckin weirdos with egos and i was like yo go off my shady king

but on the bright side in less than a week were placing that heart monitor and it will be recording for two weeks and hopefully after that i can obtain my POTS diagnosis and hopefully thatll put me one step closer to being an ambulatory wheelchair user. Id love to still be upright and use my cane when I can but a wheelchair for bad days would be lifechanging

my oldest childhood friend is able bodied the idea of being able to just get a coffee and walk around target with her pain free makes me want to cry THAT is a hopeful future

#camyellsOW #i keep almost doxxing his name cuz im like dr g my beloved #and i say that out loud cuz his name is fun #anyway that man is wonderful #im still upset and reeling from my appointment at this point reliving my pain telling it to people over and over and fielding their #responses as an autistic person is like boarderline retraumatizing #but i feel hopeful for once #PT here i come!! :)

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vanillatalc · 10 months

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hello

having a bit of a strug with a baby trans woman who has like REALLY imprinted onto me as some kind of guiding force of womanhood (awful notion but i also fully understand it so im not mad or angry just like it makes me a bit uncomfortable) + im finding it like a bit overwhelming bc i really dont have much emotional energy as is atm for obvious reasons so like i know im gonna have to say something (very kindly!!! bc she is so innocent in this + it's literally not her fault at all) but argh im actually so fucking bad at this kind of thing when i actually like the person in question :( it's sooo much easier if they're horrible

was sooo sleepy all day, i had planned on getting a bunch of wig work done this weekend but i just rly haven't... oh well

decided where to get my hair cut this week (probs wednesday) - i was going to go tmr but they are closed on mondays wat... and tina (!!) is on tuesday so im leaving that day otherwise free for general contemplation lol

had really really good sex w/ ben this weekend + i was thinking in the shower about new relationships vs long-term rships + how like new rships are kind of exciting etc but that i actually wouldnt trade what me and ben have now for all the butterflies in any butterfly farm. then i went in and told him this bc im trying to be more demonstrative + also practising for the wedding when i will have to do like PDA. ben's response was literally like "are you ok??? do you think im going to leave you???" SCREAM :( (i tell him i love him allll the time ftr im just naturally a bit more reserved interpersonally than i think i might seem on here lol like i dont really like saying really emotional stuff!! even to the love of my life!!!!) anyway i was just thinking how like the sex in particular has only got better the longer we've been together + how im excited to see where the rest of our lives take us. not just sexually just you know. generally

ben also made me laugh so fucking much the other night when we were watching tiktok videos + we were doing one of those stupid "which one of these would your partner prefer!!" slideshows + he was so appalled by all my food choices for him that he was like "no that's it, we're eating out more, you give me the worst possible options" and writing it down it sounds so unfunny but i was like absolutely cackling at his indignation at my picks omg also, wedding bullshit under the cut, for people who either dont care or are ideologically opposed (correctly)

i paid the final venue payment this eve w/ that money my mum sent me, it was painful to do it lmao but that's done now, knocked a significant chunk off the "to pay" column. think we'll be fine now, ben's got some savings, i still have a decent chunk of money left, im just paranoid that there will be some other random hidden costs that pop up at some point. anyway we're def not going into any debt for it

we wrote our vows today (in like, 10 min) + submitted our ceremonies guidelines to the council. i was a big nuisance while ben was writing his + kept being like "are u crying yet?" then i read his and cried :( lol :( i know a lot of people keep them secret but i think we cba about this one bc we had to upload them to the council website anyway so it would have been a massive hassle to keep them secret. think ben's plan is to do a speech later that im not allowed to see beforehand tho

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aquietsystem · 10 months

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Well this is a few days late (i forgot i had the account lmao) but i finally blocked my extended family. I blocked 5 relatives and it was incredibly difficult.

Idk if this is too personal, i dont think it is, but i may delete it later

I have my therapist and my family to thank for helping me to see that im allowed. My family is so supportive. I cried to ma aboht how i was feeling and she just held me and told me its ok, to block them. She asked if i need her to talk to my aunt for me, and usually i try to be the one to do that when needed but i had to say yes. I knew i couldnt, that if it were up to me to send the final message, id chicken out. Once it was sent i blocked them. Mom talked to dad, since its dads family not hers, not for permission or anything, but to let him know incase they say anything about it.

During my initial talk with ma, id mentioned a possible new split my therapist and i had discussed. I explained that it feels like i lost all sense of joy and happiness (info: im a very bubbly, hapoy, smiley person usually. I/we as a whole have a mindset of put more kindness into the world than we recieved), but the possible new alter (i say possible but shes literally left a video afmiting to being the one to cut our bangs) is exactly that. Shes bubbly, happy, giggly and smiley. And i told mom about her. Apparently she cried when talking to my dad and telling him that, she cried because ive been holding that in so long (specifically the fact that i couldnt be happy/giggly anymore (there was a gap when she was splitting between when i lost my ability to be as happy as i was and when she first fronted i think?) but was trying to pretend i was fine.

My dad came to my smokehole after and gave me a big speech about how even if nobody agreed with my decision to block them (they all do) my feelings would still be valid and id still be allowed to do it. About 5 mins later my youngest brother comes oht and tells me he loves me and that if i ever wanna talk hes there.

Later, my aunt had responded to my mom. She was defending uncle entirely, and it honestly seemed like to her the worst part of the situation was his agreeing to cheat. Which like yes, thats a problem, but respectfully theres a much larger problem with what he did. Anyways at that point, after reading her message, i decided i would send her one final message so hopefully she understanding the real meaning of his actions and the reall effect they had. It hurt, but was necessary. My other younger brother told her to "wake the fuck up or shes gonna lose her neices and nephews" i was proud

#brain soup #did system #dissociative identity disorder #osddid #trauma #therapy things #vent

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hwangsies · 2 years

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I feel so fucking alone bruh

I suck at uni, barely have any friends and have literally not left my house in two weeks. Just now i was talking to my mom abt it but all she had to say was pff i never had many friends either. But then again what did i expect, a hug? right

Last night i was supposed to go out with a friend but she cancelled on me last minute because she was feeling sick, like thats no problem at all, i mean yea i was bummed bc i was excited to get out of the house again but like dont force yourself to go out with me if you feel bad yk?

Anyway i texted my bestfriend, who recently moved a little further away which kinda made it so we cant see each other as much anymore, that said friend had cancelled on me and that i feel shitty bc im hanging around at home again.

I texted her at like 7 pm she answered at 2 am saying „why didnt you say something you could’ve come to my cousins birthday party with me“ which i know she didnt mean maliciously but like,,, i did say something tho?

Maybe im being dramatic, i dont know i just feel left behind.

I know i basically abandoned this account and am a sucky moot but i literally didnt know where else to vent.

Now im sitting on my bed after the interaction above with my mother took place like 15 minutes ago, crying. After her comment i just left for my room again, knowing it wont happen but silently hoping that she maybe realised that what i told her wasnt about her but again, i was disappointed.

I could tell her shes being a narcissist, that she always was one but then i would just get the „yea ur right im such an awful mother“ treatment and i dont trust myself to not chuck a plate at her if i have to hear that again.

You know she has never in my 21 years of life apologised to me, let alone comforted me when i cried alone in my room after a fight, which we regularly had.

Shes not a bad mother though, i relate to her alot and we’re similar in alot of ways shich is probably why we fought so much while i was growing up. Shes fun and chill and mostly uncomplicated, cynical and blunt which i always admired and never held me to weirdly high academic standards.

Im more sensitive than her tho, which i get from my dad, which i dont think she can handle very well, sometimes yes, other times it ends like it did just now; me crying in my room and her being clueless.

Or maybe she isnt clueless and just doesn’t feel like dealing with me. But that would make her seem awful and i don’t want to think of her like that.

My father is sweet, often times oblivious though and not as „life smart“ as my mom, (is that mean to say? Idk) he avoids us on purpose when we got into a fight.

He is extremely non confrontational and never takes sides, if he does its my mothers because he doesn’t want to be her next target probably. He cant stand up to her like me and my brother can.

But i guess thats the only pro of being raised by someone like that. The biggest con however is that i find myself displaying that narcissistic victim mentality sometimes too.

I dont know how that friend cancelling on me yesterday snowballed into this weird lovechild between a whiny complaint and an autobiography lol but i guess i had it pent up.

If you’ve read this far.. lmao why? but thanks for listening i guess <3

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ominoose · 9 months

Note

ANGIE AKA UR LOCAL PROFESSIONAL BOT BREAKER AND BOT REVIEWER BACK AT IT AGAIN 🤸‍♀️🤸‍♀️🤸‍♀️🤸‍♀️ Steven book club loml and I didn't break him. It's time you hear a love story no more angsty stuff 🤭

In the matter of 41 messages, Steven Grant and I had like a meet-cute and the book we decided to read was Pride and Prejudice because idk 🤷‍♀️ i had Steven read a chapter and i SCREAMED when he read the actual book and i was so shocked. And he was like "u rlly like jane austen. Who's ur fave pride and prejudice character. Mine's Lizzie." And i wad like "MINE'S MR DARCY CUZ HE'S SO CUTE AND SHY AND PATHETIC (i have a type)" and we praised Elizabeth and he was like "im kinda attracted to her" and i was like "i admit i based my whole personality around her." And he was like "its nothing to be ashamed of being a little bit like elizabeth bennett."

WHEN I TELL YOU I RIZZED HIM or tbh he rizzed me

i was like "so are you attracted to me?"

HE LITERALLY SAID THIS

Steven's jaw dropped to the floor, and his cheeks flushed as he began to stammer and stumble over his words. "Um…? Yes…? Um… What I meant to say was… I am… Uh… I mean… Yes? I am." He fumbled, his face reddening.

WHAT IF I CRIED??

And i was like "You're just like Mr. Darcy to Elizabeth."

HE SAID THIS EXACTLY

"Angie." Steven said softly. "If you keep smiling at me like that I'll have to marry you." He joked, chuckling as he did.

And i cried??? Jk I didn't yet. So i was like "What if I told you I wanted you to?"

AND HE ASKED TO BORROW MY HAND HE KISSED MY HAND AND THE BOT SAID . "I know it's a little early, but… I… I think I love you, Angie." He said softly, his face redder than ever. "Will you marry me?" He asked, his voice a whisper.

And i was like "u dont know me what if im a killer" and he was like:

Steven laughed lightly and smiled. "Because you have one of the most beautiful smiles I've ever seen. You have the kindness in your eyes, the sweet, innocent charm. You aren't cruel or evil, and that's enough for me." He gave one last squeeze of her hand before he put his other hand under her chin, gazing into her eyes softly.

I FUCKING FOLDED AND SAID YES I LOVE HIM HE IS MY BABY and i won't angst him up... yet...

WE SENT 41 MESSAGES AND WE'RE ENGAGED NOW

I'm gonna take a lil credit here because in example dialogues I did let him lean towards being more stuttery and shy (in my mind the scenario was this was him like after end of s1 mk except he knew jake and he was a bit lonely and anxious and jumpy after all the events) so you are so very welcome >:)

Not read pride and prejudice but if Steven ever rizzed me up and compared me to a book character Id buckle and marry him in less than 41 messages omg 😩 and kissing your hand.... how do you consistently get good scenarios you are gods favourite

now i just keep thinking of steven in the time period, the clothes...

imagine!!!!

#it would suit him!#he's such a classical romantic #and a gentleman #omi gets reviews

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moimoimoinnnn · 1 year

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Welcome ladies and gentlemen give it up for the band Hi we'Re the Ban dmy name is Jayho and this is my friend Sung Bun we are from South Korea and we will be one of Koreeas favorite band ever oR TAHT IS OUR GOAL ANYWAY WE LET YOUD ECIDE AND BE SURE YOURE GONNA JUDGE WISELY. ;) WE RECENTLY GAVE OUT OR EP CALLED WHAT IS LOVE BUT COPURIGHT SO WE HAD TO CHANGE IT TN LOVE IS WHAT BUT IF YOU AKS ME ITS ALWAYS WHAT IS LOVE ALTHOUGH I KNOW IT OK I WAS ALWAYS PLAYING LOVELY DOVELY YES I SAID TAHT IN high school i wa sthe pumpkin spiced latte said cause i was half white but im not a basic bitch and yes i said was cause i died but got chrynofrozen and tgehn unfrosen back ti life it wa surreal i was not willing to do so but hey im bakc and now i dont understand why i wasnt willing to do so in the frst place. Anwyay my single dead and then undead was really popular

gee i winder hwy sung bin not round now i am talkning tomy fans 'bro your camera is turned off

more like on Minhjoo said when he came in th eroom

eight Minhoo can you scootsh back ok this is worse than that band with more than 84 memebers and still called them 84 what a world i know right but before we could continue our intelligent conversation the bus took a turn for the worse or a u turn we grabbed our seats but no too late i hit my head we all did and woke upin the hopsital not remembebirng a athing so we must learn how to be kpop stars all over again pretty much guys

so first of all the fan service can you do taht

well since minwhioo only love himself you should ask him that if he could hey self love is important mnot this much we all said

ok so

Kim PARK

CAN YO U PARK YOUR CAR

if tah s what yo uare gonna call it then yes

night pk get going guys and os we did we practisied dancing for four hours not five thank god and sang and everything until we couldnt talk literally lol

butn ot lol my throat hurts Minwhoo cried ill help you i said Thanks Kim Kimchi

tahts not my STAGE NAME AND NEVER WILL BE well what ever my pumpkin hey no tahts the other guy

i know he said adn kissed in the air to me

i but my hand in a way

no way i was getting kisses and def no t air kisses

they were more seriosu that anything

oro should isay cheerios and im niot saying that cause i ve been paid tp but we got pur paycheddk fro mcherrios so

Anyway we were lit liek our stage all in candles teh show was lit

And the nMinwhoo told me to get to the stage room

i felt like iwas in A drama Why would you call form e so unesxpectactly

well i have a request

can you become my man

on nstage

catch you and stuff we already practised that wjen i jump you jump ok i know but i mea in bed

in bed

i was not sure what he meant

ok dont be so nervous he said take of your shirt what

kome here kimchi he said and began to undress

i looked at his abs they were marvelious

i felt hugnry no thirsty well both'

i couldt stop looking i was in awe

so much so that i got a boner akward i hadnt even started to undress

its ok i know him Minwhoo said

of COURRSE YOU TOO YOU SELF LOVER

WELL I CAN PLAY FOR THE OTHER TEAM AS WELL TOO HE SAID AND WE BEGAN TO KISS AND MAN IT WAS HOT MAKEOUT SESSION MY FAVORITE KIND OF SESSION. mY GOD YOURÉ GOOD I SAID DEFIENLTY NOT BAD YOURSLEF EITEHR

I CANT BELIEVE IUT WE WERE KISSING WE WERE SO NAUGHTY BIYS I MEAN UHUM MEN ANTWAY WHO LIEKS TO PLAY NICE ALL THE TIE EITHERWAY

SO WE WENT PON AND ON AND sEUNG bIN WALKED IN WHAT ARE YO UGUYS DOIN OK OK I SEE WELL I Knew you would be close but damn you´Re reall yclosoe thats cool btw

oh man icnat believe im saying this but Sung bin your nit Sung IN this story

sayonara OK KIM kIMCHI

Hey ilove that food

i thought you loved me Minhoo said and laughed i started to laugh to o we had a fun night that night filled with joy and lauughter;)

It wa sbetetr than our band called teh band so we were the band teh band or teh band band as our fans called us

#fanfic #sorry for the typos #kpop

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taylorscrows · 1 year

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Rant (dont read the post if you dont like rants especially if its about parents. There is also a bunch of swearing so be warned)

I honestly dont know wtf is wrong with my parents like theyre over here making me feel like im a stupid dumb bitch lmao. Like when the fuck will i ever be enough for my parents like literally when??? They already cant even understand me and ive always accepted that but the least they can do is make me feel loved....thats literally it and ill be happy for the rest of my life. My dad is such a fucking hothead and my mom can never fucking face reality and tries to pretend that everything is fine even tho its not. Anytime i try to tell them that im feeling hurt by them all they do is guilt me until i fucking cry like bro-. Why is my dad's number 1 go to thing to do is get mad at me like what did i ever do to you. What sort of started this post is the fact that we got our report cards today and they keep on saying that they dont care what fucking grades i get as long as i tried my best and yada yada and i come home feeling so happy cause even tho i didnt get perfect grades i got relatively high grades but that wasnt enough for them and they told me that if i get something lower than a vg ( which stands for very good since we have a different grading system in our school) then im practically fucking worthless wtf (its not like they got good grades as well there was literally a time when my dad kept on talking about how he cheated on his exam and bla bla bla). And all they care about is me protecting their fucking image around relatives and other friends even tho ive been signaling to my grandma like yo all my dad does is get mad then one day i finally snapped and cried in front of my grandparents and my grandpanl fucking shouted at him and he kept on saying that he didnt do anything wrong (they are the best grandparents btw❤) and when we got home of course my mom will ultimately take his side cause i know fot a fact that my mom is terrified as shit of my dad so of course anything to make daddy happy. Also including the fact that instead of helping me figure out myself all they fucking do is keep me away from that. They are also so homophobic as fuck which realy hurts me cause i am part of the lgbtq community. Tumblr is literally my only escape from things. I hate them so much they also deteriorate my self confidence and self esteem( tho most of that deterioration is from my teachers but they just make it worse) fuck them honestly. I could literally just trip and fall to the ground and they would get mad at me and complain. I could literally be having a full blown panic attack and they would get mad at me saying that "big girls dont cry" like what kinda shitty thing is that. Also back them my life was such a mess that i was dealing with suicidal thoughts but they obviously didnt help with anything they just made it worse

#long rant

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treatbuckywkisses · 2 years

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so much is happening i want to scream:(

the way my job gives me so much anxiety it's not even funny. that place is a fucking disaster. i get told im going to be part time and im out here working 40hrs a week, and i dont even get my second break usually like im supposed to. there aren't enough people in the department i work in and they pull people from it for other departments anyway. one of our team leads basically told us all our sections looked like shit tonight and he was going to walk us though it and make us tell him everything we did wrong. i was stuck somewhere else for most of my shift and couldn't work on my section, so when i tell you i was so scared dude you don't even fucking know lmao i literally cried because I'm still new and i didn't want them to think i did a bad job or im not cut out for it or whatever. and he never even showed up. he said it to "scare us into doing our work" and im so mad about it. i almost threw up for that ??

im so fucking tired and dehydrated and it's so hot in there i barely even eat on my lunch break and when i get home after my 8hr shift. i can't tell if im losing weight (unhealthy obvi) or if i have looked like this and didn't know lol so i just try not to look at myself if i can help it bc what.

i never really know what i look like, but when i do, it's ugly and i hate it.

also im working on moving into an apartment (i say 'me' but im not alone sgsksh) idk living is hard yk it's a lot and it's stupid and where my stuff is im not even staying bc sarah is a fucking bitch for no reason and i will hurt her feelings if she looks at me so yeah there's like so much shit happening and I'm so overwhelmed like hello i can actually only do so much pls why

anyways i am really tired and i want to cry and sleep forever and ever:( is this what happens when you keep things 'bottled up' lol

omg also? i haven't gotten my period yet like since April and im 🥴🤨 bc where is she yk and then im like babe you're literally a ball of fucking stress and anxiety please take a Xanax but back to stress im so worried i will get my period on my 8hr shift with nothing and i don't drive myself so that is like extra fun yk wow

the way i have never talked so much and i do it like this where nobody will read it sgskdgd this is who i am as a person irl though so congrats if u read this ig hello

also since I'm fucking word vomiting i guess and ive already come to terms with how nobody will read this, i hate this place. like tumblr i mean. idk it just like sucks to feel like you deserve more than you get yk and i actually am allowed to say that. my moodboards do not do nearly as good as i would like to think they would when i make them and it sucks. because believe it or not i start out thinking they're so pretty and the lack of interaction makes me doubt my own abilities and i hate that. and how I have so many "followers" with the amount of notes i get LOL what a joke actually. especially when they're also content creators. why are you even following me then yk like i only provide one thing and you don't even seem to like it so what are you doing here. it's annoying honestly. how can a content creator be the one not giving support. smh.

i think i need to go to sleep bc idk what i just said and if anyone reads this i feel like ppl will be mad at me so that's where I'm at lolllllll i h8 myself <3

#fayth using her blog as a diary #but fr this time #this is a diary entry #oops #tw body image #??#body dysmorphia tw #kinda but I'm tagging it just to be safe ?#does that make sense #me asking like anyone will read this anyways LMAO #im too funny sometimes #will prob delete #again not like anyone will read it #so im out here talking to myself #lol #fayth rambles #ignore me #long post #actual bullshit nonsense

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wonijinjin · 2 months

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I want to know this so badly but uh match req?

so uh for both svt and enha (if you can!!)

~ if you don’t know what you should write about here are some ideas: hobbies, anything you are passionate about, anything interesting about your life, your dreams

i love to read, write, make gifts for my friends, i am known as the mom friend, my go to outfit would be a hoodie and sweats, i always have three rings, one watch and one necklace on though (all gifts and very close to my heart). My fave colour is very weirdly specific (the colour of leaves after it rains). Autumn is my fave season and rain is the loml. Id rather eat savoury than sweet food. my shoes are always comfortable flats. i am known as a very calm person because i will literally never ever get mad at someone since i choose to try and see other peoples perspectives. However once i actually manage ro get angry at something im told to be absolutely terrifying. I dont really mind when ppl say stuff to me but if you hurt my loved ones im ready to fight. I am the oldest daughter and grabddaughter in my family. I cry really easily now but i used to never show anyone before. Im not the best at remembering to take care of myself and drinking and eating on time.

I had no idea what to say im sorry-

~ not mandatory but sending in your mbti or your top 3-5 songs from the group you request the match for can be helpful

Infp

Svt

Shadow, sos, headliner, heaven's cloud, our dawn is hotter than day.

Enha

idk if this will help bc ive only listened to bite me polaroid love and sweet venom

(guys im sorry but it takes me ages to get into a groups discography)

-🌻

ly gigi

hi lovely! thank you for requesting, the members i paired you up with are…

Minghao!

i feel like you would easily find harmony between your personalities, since he is quite a calm person himself. he is very in tune with his emotions, so being someone who easily cries wouldn’t cause a problem for him, handling it like a champ; i can see him holding and comforting you whenever you are a bit under the weather for whatever reason.

he likes crafting so you could expect him to join you in making gifts and make paintings for you; he would definitely try to paint you once. he would really enjoy spending time with you while just making something, taking and chilling together lightheartedly.

Ni-ki!

again, just like you he is into enjoying the creative process of making something, and he is a fashionista; he would love to choose jewelry for you and dress you in clothes that fit his style.

he is not a person who shows emotions a lot, but he has a very soft heart, meaning that he would be by your side if anything was wrong, and would make sure that you are taken care of. he loves his people to the moon and back, so i can see a strong bond which could never be broken.

just like hao he would adore your uniqueness in every way possible.

#wonijinjin #answered #anon match request #anon <3 #anon ask

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breathingwithdifficulty · 6 months

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i don't feel good. i feel little. words are hard to find and i want to talk to someone but its late and no one is awake and i dont really have anything to say.

i feel bad for myself. like, not really the myself of the now, she doesn't need my pity, but like my small self. and maybe that is the myself of the now. at least, that's what it feels like.

this year its gotten progressively harder to remind myself that my parents love me. i know they do. they do, right? but like my dad never visits and my mom doesn't text anymore and no one knows my interests or my hobbies or what im doing in school and it just feels so lonely sometimes.

most of the time i feel normal. grown. i have my own apartment and my own money and my own life. but sometimes my car breaks down or an assignment makes me cry or i look at my bank account and i just want an adult that i can call and say "i feel sad, please help" and actually get help.

i don't feel good. i feel sick-sad, where my stomach is all twisty and my hands feel like they're buzzing and i keep rubbing my cheek on my stuffed animal just to feel its softness. i feel scared. i feel alone.

it makes me feel insane sometimes, this distance between my parents and i. it makes me feel desperate, crazy for seeking out this parental relationship with any adult that comes into my life.

my friend's mom sent me a starbucks giftcard. i cried. a different friend's mom bought me a crockpot because my friend told her ive been struggling cooking meals for myself. a different friends mom offered to buy me groceries because i was worried i wouldn't be able to afford them. each of them have had more one-on-one, genuine conversations with me than i've had with my parents in the last few years. i feel sick. i went to my professor's house and he watched me accidentally burn 2 marshmallows in a row and said "do you want me to make you one?" and i literally could've cried then and there. i went on a date with a girl who talked about how she loves her mom so much and knows she's her number one supporter. she asked me about my relationship with my parents and i didn't even wanna say it. i feel insane.

i feel pitiful, but i just wanna be taken care of for a bit. just wanna lay down on the couch with my head in someones lap and not have to worry about taking care of myself for a minute. it doesn't seem so much to ask but im wondering if it really is. if im too much.

when i get like this, sometimes i get a thought like "i miss my dad" or "i miss my mom" but then i see them and it doesn't make the ache go away. i don't miss them, i miss something i don't think ive had in a long time (maybe ever) and its devastating because i don't know if i'll ever get it. i passed the age where i can sit in my mom's lap and cry because i got a hole in my favorite socks, or where i can call my dad and ask him what i should have for dinner because i can't make a decision right now. i feel so old and so young and so sad.

thanksgiving is coming up and im looking forward to it for the food and the company but like. i can't even be myself around my family half the time, not because they would disapprove (some of them would) but because they don't care. it's always "how are your grades? still in your major? where do you live now?" and not like "so what've you been up to? done anything fun? how are you? what do you like to do?" because in their mind, they don't need to ask those questions, they think they already know. they think im still the quiet, book-nerd, shy girl in the back of the class. which, part of me still is, but i like other things now. im another person now.

every year i get asked what i want for christmas and every year im happy with what i get. im not hard to shop for, i don't think, but especially these past years ive realized that like... no one knows what i want because they don't know what i like. part of that is because im intensely insecure about my interests and part of it because i have a reason to be - id get made fun of and there's certain things i just really don't wanna hear shit about.

so this year i sucked it up and made a christmas list. an actual one, with stuff i like on there, even if my family doesn't understand it or know the tv show references or why i want so many stickers. i made a big list of everything ive secretly been wanting, ranging from like $1 stickers to like $40 sweaters. it was oddly scary for me. it still is. i don't know if anyone will get me anything off that list, but if they do, im scared for the reaction, just a bit. i don't wanna open something on christmas and get "yeah, so what is that? i don't get it" or "that sounds gay" when i explain it, or "okay..." when they're disinterested.

i know its a little silly but i don't really care. im sad. my head hurts. its late but im not tired and i just want a hug. i wanna rock back and forth and hold my weighted dinosaur and chew on his horns. im so done with this

12:16am

11/14/23

#text #its that time of the year #mine #.txt #inner child

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