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#i guess i drew a bit so its my art

diorsbrando · 1 month

Text

I’D DIE FOR YOU (AND I HAVE). ( s.a. )

sousuke aizen & black!fem!reader.

cw ━━ ! minors, blank and ageless blogs DO NOT INTERACT. reader is portrayed as a black woman but you do not have to imagine her that way. using this map of the seireitei as a reference (i searched high and low for a consistent accurate one but it was hard). the first half is set pre-ryoka invasion / pre-soul society arc. the second half is aizen-centric (from his pov told from the 3rd person) and set post-tybw arc, years after he was sealed away in mugen, also including mention of events from vol. 1 of can't fear your own world (a light novel that's post-tybw & can be considered canonical); so all this being said: SPOILERS i guess???? of course you're welcome to read if you don't care about spoilers! somewhat based on 'die for you' by the weeknd & even more loosely based on 'dark red' by steve lacy. contains themes of heavy-ish angst, existential crises (?) & inner emotional turmoil within reader + aizen (separately). descriptions of character death, blood and violence. descriptions of manipulation/mind games. aizen is an unkind man. proofread (i did my best).

word count ━━ 11k

notes ━━ ! the way this fic was supposed to finished a month ago...but life once more gets in my way. and the way that it's this long....i anticipated the max being 10k but i greatly underestimated how long it would take to flesh out my idea. anywho i'm somewhat reentering my bleach era again. i’m not sure what it is but character analyses in the form of fanfiction is my jam rn like i really enjoyed writing this (i got tired of the length by like... 7k words lmao) but i like how this turned out. i've watched & read quite a bit of content that provide explanations as to why aizen is the way he is so i wanted to try my own portrayal of that in the context of canonical events. how i characterized him here is partially inspired by a fic i read about him last year so shout out to them for their support :D i hope i've depicted and humanized aizen well ♡. reblogs + commentary are heavily appreciated!!!!!

THE PAD OF YOUR THUMB SLOWLY glided against your bottom lip, the lingering aftertaste of jasmine tea still on its surface and on your breath. The absentminded motion of your thumb caressing your mouth, as if in deep contemplation, continued as you stared at the clock hanging on the wall above you.

It was past eleven, and the midnight hour only continued to draw near as time sustained its temporal march. And there you sat at your desk, floating in the limbo of your mind that was filled with hesitancy and admittedly, budding anticipation.

Your gaze lowered to the now empty porcelain cup, nothing remaining of its contents except the shriveled remnants of herbs and a few wayward drops of the brew.

Your senior comrade, captain Sōsuke Aizen, was correct in his prediction that you'd take a liking to its floral and delicate taste when he gifted you a jar full of the jasmine tea leaves as well as other ingredients.

The captain of Squad 5 seemed to be correct about a lot of things.

His intelligence and foresight, along with his kind and politely witty disposition, were qualities that you found somewhat charming, and gradually drew you closer to him.

Being the current third seat of the 9th company, your barracks and those of squad 5's were relatively close to each other's, so often you'd catch glimpses of and run into Captain Aizen on a pretty normal basis. Over the years, the conversations that bounced between the two of you expanded past the realm of formalities between a higher and lower ranking officer, and instead ranged in territories from literature, to art, to food & drink, and even to the politics of the government for which they were soldiers for.

Sometimes, you found it hard to believe that you managed to befriend a man like him. A man who seems to have mastered the balance between being a gentle soul, helpful to others, but also possessed enough refined power and skills to be named a captain within the Gotei 13.

Especially a man who wasn’t even of your own squad.

Despite the increasingly friendly relations and generally pleasant conversation, there were few moments where Aizen's words didn't feel quite. . . . real━ he didn't feel real. He spoke eloquently, often relying on figurative language to further illustrate his point and to breathe meaning into seemingly plain and meaningless words. But at times those words, his tone felt stained; stained with some substance or color you couldn't quite place. An enigmatic façade was painted over his speech, and it took too much mental capacity to try and find your own meaning in it.

So you'd often brush it off. Your over-reliance on your own reasoning that 'you weren’t able to come to a conclusion because there is no problem a conclusion could be generated from' successfully quieted your mind’s voice. You'd also frequently blame exhaustion, or your newfound hobby of watching human psychological crime shows during your off days for these subconscious ideas you had.

But you feared that the request Aizen made of you yesterday, the source of your current predicament, couldn't be blamed on any of those things. You looked at the clock again before returning to stare at your empty tea cup. For what reason could Sōsuke Aizen wish to meet you outside of the 1st division barracks? Specifically at this hour? You immediately thought of his question as uncharacteristic of him but prevented yourself from jumping to any further conclusions.

Aizen was a reasonable man, and you were sure there was a reasonable explanation.

With a final sigh of acquiescence, you stood up from your sitting position to retie your yukata before slipping a thicker, dark colored haori on top. You were unsure how cold it was this late at night or how long you'd be out, but it was better to be safe than sorry.

You paused for a moment, glancing longingly at your vanity mirror a few times, clearly torn between a decision, before giving in with a soft groan. Grabbing your favorite perfume, you quickly spritzed the spray onto both your inner wrists, either sides of your neck, and stray areas on your clothes. You’d proceed to make sure your hair was in order and your lips were as moisturized and glossy as a pair of tear-filled eyes before making your way to the door and slipping on your sandals.

Meeting with a captain— with Aizen of all people— in the dead of night resembled too closely to forbidden lovers rendezvousing under a fruit tree to fulfill their desires of embracing one another, with no one but the moon as their witness. The comparison alone caused the apples of your cheeks to burst aflame with embarrassment, and you lightly chastised yourself for even indulging in such an inappropriate train of thought. Such a scenario seemed far too deluded to even be considered ‘wishful thinking’.

But those delusions still seemed to make more sense than whatever other conclusion you have yet to reach.

Making your way out of your personal quarters, you activated your shunpo technique, stealthily hopping from one rooftop to the other in an effort to make it to Squad 1 barracks quicker.

After several minutes, your mind mostly engulfed with the 'what if's', the soles of your sandals finally touched ground, and you stood a few feet away from the massive walls and bridges that connected to and from the barracks. Even at night you were able to make out the bold-printed kanji for the number 1 that was painted on the building.

When you arrived, even from a nearby rooftop, you didn't see anyone around. Feelings of confusion and worry began to creep up and flicker to life in your mind.

But, as if your thoughts were as audible, you felt a light breeze of wind behind you, a familiar sound that indicated someone had made their presence known.

Startled, you reflexively reached for your zanpakuto, when you remembered that you hadn't even brought it with you. It still laid against the wall near your bed, just where you placed it earlier when you were relieved of your duties for the day.

You didn't think you needed it necessarily if you were just going to meet with Aizen, hence why taking it with you slipped your mind.

The flickers of concern were swiftly extinguished as your brain caught up with your body upon realizing who just appeared. A relieved sigh left your lips, a breath of air that seemed to release all the tension that had a grip on your heart and wound tight within your muscles. "Ah! Good evening Captain Aizen. You caught me off guard for a moment there."

"My apologies, that was not at all my intention." The Fifth Division Captain sported a dark colored scarf, his long captain's coat and the standard shihakushō all Gotei officers were supposed to wear. In the sash around his waist resided his own sheathed zanpakuto. His tawny hair maintained its usual part but looked slightly tousled, yet still remaining so in a meticulous fashion that made it look intentional.

The state of his hair alone, and his current facial expression made Aizen look more . . . approachable if that’s how you were to describe it. There was a glint in his eyes that you had seldom seen before.

"Thank you, for making your way down here to accommodate my rather. . . . atypical request. I again extend my apologies if I have inconvenienced you in any way."

You shook your head in reply, "It's alright, I wasn't doing anything too important anyway. Just having a cup of tea and delighting myself in a book before bed."

You glanced downwards at the foot or so of space that was wedged in between the two of you. You forced away the murmurs of your lingering thoughts that took note of how the moonlight and shadows danced across the surface of Aizen's face just right, and emphasized his decidedly handsome features.

"But having a complete and good night's rest is important to be fully functional in all areas of one's performance. Wouldn't you agree?"

You couldn't help but chuckle softly. "Yes, I do agree with that sentiment."

Aizen all but hummed in acknowledgement, letting a moment of silence fill the air before speaking again.

"Shall we be on our way?"

You nodded in agreement, following him as the both of you walked about the First Division grounds. From what you could tell based on your position, your aimless nightly stroll drew you closer to where Sokyoku Hill was located. The area became increasingly more grassy and contained less buildings.

Although Squad 1 grounds weren't terribly far from either of your barracks, you still weren't sure as to why Captain Aizen wished to meet out here. Initially you thought that perhaps he was just fond of this particular scenery, but really it could have been anything.

But still, you believed Aizen always had a purpose for everything he did.

After several moments, his warm voice replaced the evening silence, vocalizing your current thoughts. “I assume you are contemplating why it is I have asked you here, and I’m afraid the reason is quite benign. Truthfully, I just wished for your company. I often go on night walks to clear my head after a long day and thought I might invite you to join me this time, and have a conversation with each other."

Your brows shifted upwards, for that was not quite the answer you were expecting. It seemed too . . . simple. “Really? You just . . . wanted to talk with me? Plainly?”

The Squad 5 captain let out a short, soft laugh at the disbelief that was painted on your face. There was an expression of fondness present in his eyes and in the light smile he offered you. “Yes, exactly. I quite enjoy our discussions actually, they’re intellectually stimulating and relatively pleasant. You crossed my mind, and before yesterday, it has been quite some time since we’ve had the opportunity to unwind and talk.”

You hummed an mhmm in agreement, tearing your eyes away from Aizen’s side profile in favor of the hem of his captain’s haori, watching how it danced in the soft breeze. It seemed to be less distracting than the way Aizen peered down at you from time to time.

"I see. I am. . . . truly flattered by your words, Captain Aizen; you're too kind. Forgive me for asking but," you took longer strides so that you could fall into step next to him━ as if to speak to him more directly, "Why at this time? To talk with me, I mean. It couldn't wait until more . . . . . conventional hours?"

He chuckled again, and answered as smoothly as if he were awaiting you to ask him that. "Unfortunately, today's tasks ran a little long today, so I had to stay at my office later than usual." The spectacled man paused for a moment, before setting his soft gaze on you, "And besides, that completely defeats the purpose of inviting you on a night stroll, doesn't it?"

You ignored the heat flaring up in your cheeks again. Your mind refused to move past the fact that you had crossed Sōsuke Aizen's mind enough times━ or the times that he thought about you were significant enough━ and highly enough to invite you into his realm and indulge in these moments with him, when he very much could have done that alone.

A tender smile appeared on your lips, more towards yourself than the man next to you. "I. . . suppose it does."

The ashen-white moon only rose higher in the sky, providing an ambiance of tranquility as the both of you talked about whatever crossed the surface of your minds. Other times, the stillness of the night did the talking, and you'd listen to the leaves, and the wind, and the crickets sing together in harmony. Gradually as you walked and the beaten path grew more narrow, your figures drew closer together, until you could feel the long sleeves of his haori brush against your own.

You hadn't noticed that the two of you eventually stopped walking and paused under a tree until Aizen struck up conversation once more. When he called out your name in that gentle, velvety voice, you swore your heart was going to lurch out of your chest. The sound of your name rolled of his tongue so smoothly, the desire to hear it again grew within you.

"Uh━ yes, Captain Aizen?"

"Are you satisfied with way things are at the moment?"

You stood next to him, perplexed at his inquiry due to its vague nature. "Um, what. . . . things? I'm afraid I don't understand what you're asking."

The wind brushed Aizen's dark ochre tresses across his face as he took a step towards you, like the breeze itself was pushing him towards you. "Hm, perhaps I should be more clear then. Are you content with being a soul reaper? Are you satisfied with being a soldier for the Soul Society?"

With your brows slightly furrowed in thought, you remained silent for several seconds and overanalyzed his every word, trying to predict where he might be steering the conversation now. The longer you thought it over, the stronger that nagging feeling from within your soul became. The one that often told you what he was asking wasn't exactly . . . it didn't quite feel . . . . .

"This feels like a prelude to another insightful discussion on Shinigami━ and by extension━ Seiretei politics." Your words cut off your own thoughts, as if your mind was trying to sweep something under the proverbial rug.

Aizen huffed in amusement, before lightly shrugging, leaving your statement definitively unanswered.

You sighed as you seriously considered his question this time. "I mean sure, I guess. I'm somewhat satisfied with my job and all of . . . this," gesturing your hands in the air around you to emphasize your point. The 5th Division Captain made another humming noise, indicating that you still had his full attention. He inched a little closer into your personal space.

The mere action caused your next words to die in your throat and a quiet chuckle resounded from his, before your thoughts revived themselves again.

"Of course things could always be better but. . . . y'know. This is just how it is." You weren't quite sure if you should voice negative opinions about the Soul Society so plainly to a senior officer, even if he was the one who asked you in the first place, so you treaded lightly.

The same plainly relaxed smile from earlier remained painted across his lips, held in his chestnut irises was an emotion akin to affection. He seemed somewhat pleased that you were expressing your thoughts with him.

“And you? Are you satisfied, Captain Aizen?” You were unable to keep the teasing endearment out of your tone as you returned his gaze, casting aside the notions of Gotei officer seating and ranks for the moment. The air seemed like it shifted━ towards what, you weren't sure of━ but it kind of made you feel like you were adrift, floating in isolation from everything else around you.

It was still hard to process that you were alone with Captain Aizen right now. . . . at night.

A low hum reverberated within his chest, contemplative in nature as he replied, “Perhaps.”

The wind whistled lowly again, erecting goosebumps on whatever part of your skin happened to catch the midnight breeze. You fought the instinctual urge to twitch towards the nearest source of heat, which happened to be Aizen. Now that would be even more wholly inappropriate than the 'lovers meeting at midnight' scenario.

The silence between the both of you was brief, but comfortable nonetheless. Once more his mellifluous voice cut through the quiet, leveled and calm, like still ocean waters.

“Come. I want to show you something,” Aizen reached his arm out towards you, your spine as straight as if someone stuck a metal rod dipped in ice water down your robes.

The captain's movements seemed steady and slow━ it had felt like time itself had hesitated for several moments. You thought he was going to . . . . well you weren't sure what he was going to do, and that's what you made you nervous.

Was he going to touch you? Cradle your cheek? Remove a stray leaf that happened to land on your head? You were left somewhat dangling in anticipation, not daring to flinch backwards because you felt it would be disrespectful or offensive. You hadn't even blinked, subconsciously fearing that this was only a very vivid daydream.

But alas, when his arm drew near it extended past your head, slightly above you, and held a small branch in his palm it like a delicate flower. You released a breath you didn't know you were holding, but that breath drew short again when your gaze was eye level with his lower neck and chin.

He seemed . . . . closer.

“I think that regarding the condition of the Soul Society," Aizen began in a quiet voice, referencing his own reply to his earlier question, "and therefore my thoughts about it, is akin to this set of leaves on this branch."

Snapping out of whatever stupor you seemed to have slipped in, you exhaled softly before stepping back a bit to look at what he was talking about. In his palm he cradled a wayward branch that grew from one of the other sturdier branches of the tree. The green foliage of its arms had started to weaken and dull in color. The cold air due to the seasonal transition to autumn caused the leaves become brittle, nearing closer to the edge of death.

The sound of just how brittle they were resounded in the air when Aizen thumbed the leaves in between his fingertips, observing their texture with pity laced in his small movements.

"These leaves will fall off as it gets colder. And soon, the rest of this tree will be bare as well. When the time comes, when the right circumstances fall into place, the old die to make way and usher in the new; it's simply the way things are. I think of the Soul Society government is structured in a similar manner."

You hung onto his every word, like he were imparting crucial wisdom to you. Even though you were a bit confused on the last part, and on the connection between dying leaves and Soul Society, you still listened intently, waiting for him bridge the gap between the two.

"The Soul Society as it is now can be thought of as a season. And this particular season, this climate has remained so for several centuries. How can nature continue━ how can we continue to progress when the old have yet to be washed away by the currents of time? It defies that of nature, yes?" He directed this question at you specifically, in search of your agreement.

You nodded your head, tearing your gaze away from the branch and directed it at the grass beneath your feet. Your brows furrowed a little as you mused over Aizen's words. He gave a rather ambiguous answer before but now, his words sounded like vague displeasure and muted criticism. Everyone was entitled to their opinion, and on some fronts, you'd sometimes agreed with the 5th Division Captain. The Soul Society was far from perfect, too much emphasis on nobility and status, the government resembled too closely to an oligarchy . . . But you didn't━ wouldn't voice these thoughts, though.

Instead you hummed quietly under your breath. There was that tugging sensation again. This time it told you that there was something deeper to this conversation than meets the eye. But what could there be? Was there anything at all or were you just overthinking it?

The voice-like sensation in your soul was calling out to you, but you couldn't hear it that well or quite make out what it was saying. It's as if someone was calling out to you in a crowded room that had music playing on the speakers: you felt like if you listened hard enough you could make it out but ultimately, the result would fruitless.

"And when that happens," Aizen continued, "sometimes nature has to be gently nudged back on track to keep things moving smoothly. That may require . . . shaking the tree. Pulling a few harmful weeds from one's garden, so to speak."

"Weeds?" You echoed. You felt like you understood this analogy and therefore what he was trying to say, but at the same time you didn't. Or was it . . . . you didn't want to understand what he was implying?

Because if you were interpreting his words correctly, if he were inconspicuously comparing the higher-ups and the government itself to dying leaves and harmful plants that needed to be removed, then . . . .

"You, dear child, are a mere weed in this scenario."

Wait, what did he just━

Your thoughts were cut short when a gush of air that smelt strongly of Aizen━ warm oak, vanilla, and a kind of musk that you weren't sure how to describe but was still pleasant all the same━ brushed against your face and took you by surprise.

But there was another aroma that arose, steadily becoming more apparent alongside the increasingly painful throbbing feeling you felt in your abdomen.

It smelt metallic. And it was something that you've smelt all too many times before.

It was blood.

Your gaze that was initially narrowed in confusion lowered as it followed the source of this pain. Your eyes slowly widened in as you struggled to comprehend the blade that was currently ran through your torso.

Aizen's blade.

"Actually, instead of weeds, a more accurate and befitting analogy perhaps would be blades of grass. You unfortunately have to step on them in order to reach the weeds you want to remove."

You couldn't really focus on what the captain was saying, because your brain was still struggling to process what the hell just happened. Your hands slowly rose from their sides and shakily grazed the zanpakuto, wanting to believe that if you touched it, it would pass right through your fingers like mist. But no, the sensation of cold steel was as real as the robes you wore on your back. You only just now are processing the muffled squelching sound of his sword impaling your flesh.

You wanted to scream, to cry in pain, to vomit, to push him off━ something. But all you could do was stand there, stunned, words completely failing you. "Wh. . . . what? Why did . . . . you . . . . "

A cough replaced your attempt at a comprehensive sentence, and you tasted iron in your mouth.

Fuck....was this really happening?

"Please don't push yourself trying to talk," His voice was like an index finger to one's lips, similar to a parent's gentle caress to quiet and sooth their child, "You'll only hasten your death. And I'm sure you wish to know the reason for my killing you, yes? You'd have to be alive for that."

'Killing me?' 'My death?' The certainty that rang in his words chilled the blood in your veins, and they confirmed the one conclusion you hoped wouldn’t come true: that you were going to die.

The frigid embrace of fear and dread engulfed you from behind and you shivered, causing the blade snugly lodged in your organs to shift. The pain of that foreign object moving even a little bit shot through your entire body, causing a groan to emerge from your throat.

Desperate to conserve your energy and the oxygen that was becoming a little harder to take in, your breathing became uneven and a little wheezed. Even then, you couldn’t bring yourself to meet the gaze of Captain Aizen to confirm if this was really happening or just an extremely realistic and vivid nightmare. The sight you might be greeted with could be more frightening than the actual impaling of his sword.

As if his betrayal couldn’t actually or figuratively cut you any deeper, just then there was a noise that grew louder and louder within a matter of seconds until it was almost deafening. You’ve distinguished it to be the sound of glass crackling.

Your surroundings formed cracks everywhere on its surface, like it was just an oversized window. Even on the grass you stood on, or what you thought was grass, began to crumble away.

A dumbfounded but panicked look was plastered on your face when your world literally shattered around you, the only remnants of it being you and the Captain.

What was underneath the mirage━ or you should say, the fact that it was a mirage at all━ only disturbed you and increased your perplexity.

Slightly hunched over and breathing heavily, it took a minute to process where you were, but you noticed that now the two of you stood in a formal room that looked like it was used for important meetings. The lights in the room slowly started to brighten, most likely due to motion sensors. Even with Aizen's scent lingering in your nose, you could still pick out a rather stale aroma that hung in the air like dead fruit that hadn't fallen off the tree.

"Is . . . this Cen . . . tral━ "

"You are correct. Where we currently stand is the assembly hall for Central 46, the judicial power of the Soul Society. All judiciary as well as legislative trials and proceedings are held here."

All around the room were seats with partitions, the kanji for 1 through 46 printed on them. In the seat for the 19th member, your gaze caught onto something on the translucent barrier. It was a little farther up so you had to squint your already blurring vision to see it properly.

You saw, and your heart promptly sank as a result, eyes widening once more.

There were splatters of a dark colored substance on the partition━ undeniably blood. And the lithe, bony fingers of an older man laid lifeless, peeking out from the side of the screen like the appendages themselves were trying to escape from the body they were attached to.

That man . . . was dead. That stale aroma you smelt was the stench of death.

It was only after that unsettling epiphany did your eyes dart frantically around the room and realize that every member of Central 46 was dead.

The disturbed expression on your face only intensified as your stare was pulled back down to where Aizen's blade still resided in your body.

" Cap.....Aizen," you uttered, swift to correct yourself. All the moisture in your throat dried up like water underneath the unrelenting rays of the sun. You kept gulping your saliva in an attempt to assuage the sensation, but relief only last for a fleeting few seconds. "Did you ━ you killed them . . . didn't you?" Your question was laced with shaky hesitance and swelled with apprehension, fearing that you already knew his reply even before he answered.

There was a moment of silence and a hum before he replied. "Smart girl."

The muted mirthful tone in his voice sounded like sarcasm, and it was enough to finally draw your attention away from everything else and directly look at him. Almost instantly, you regretted it.

His umber tinted gaze was colder than you remembered. You couldn't find anything in his eyes that hinted that all of this was just a big misunderstanding, or a dream, or that Aizen had a secret sense dark and complex humor.

This was your first, and apparently your last time, that you have ever felt a fear such as this. Your mind was struggling to comprehend this was the same Aizen that spoke with you so gently, full of encouragement and wisdom. The same man that recommended you books to read and gifted you tea to drink and gazed upon you like . . .

Well, none of that mattered now. In this moment, Sōsuke Aizen wasn't the same man anymore. This Sōsuke Aizen was someone else, and it frightened you.

"When?" you croaked, your voice no longer sounding like your own. Nothing felt real anymore. "W-When did you . . . . . how? Why?"

Another noncommittal hum resounded from the spectacled man as he closed his eyes, feigning the action of thinking of an answer. When he reopened them, his narrow gaze returned to you.

"Everyone in the Thirteen Court Guard Squads was previously aware that the ability of my zanpakuto, Kyoka Suigetsu, allowed me to confuse the enemy using bodies of water, mist and even moisture in the air in order to attack. However, that is not my zanpakuto's actual power; there is more to it than just simple confusion. Kyoka Suigetsu's true power is Complete Hypnosis. Essentially, when someone looks at my blade, I am then able to take control of that person’s five senses, causing them to believe that something is real ━ or that something isn't real. In a way, once glancing at my unsheathed zanpakuto, that person forfeits their sense of existence to me. Kyoka Suigetsu is quite flawless in its deceptive abilities."

A heavy silence, aside from your uneven breaths, endured in the space between both of you. You didn't need him to spell out what he was trying to say.

It was all . . . . an illusion. A convoluted, premeditated illusion. And you walked right into it without even knowing or considering, that it was all fake.

The Fifth Division Captain inwardly smiled at the despair clearly written on your face as he watched you mentally put the pieces together. He took your lack of reply as a sign to continue. "The members of Central 46 have unfortunately been dead for quite some time now. And as for your question of why......"

The taller man stepped towards you which inadvertently (or purposely, you began to fear), drove his sword deeper into your abdomen without warning and slight force. You bit down on your bottom lip hard to stifle your exclamation of pain. In an attempt to somehow resist him, with the little strength you had left, your hands automatically took purchase in his oversized sleeves, but it did nothing. You found it ironic that you could feel how warm Aizen was underneath his robes, but his soul was anything but.

" . . . . I believe I already mentioned it earlier, yes? All flowers die eventually and the weeds......must be removed."

At that moment you remembered that tugging sensation that told you something felt off in some instances whenever you talked with Aizen. This must have been what it was. Damn it all. You still didn't understand exactly what bad things Central 46 and the Soul Society have done to cause his actions, but based on what you've been told and your current position, it must have been heinous. Again, you actively swallowed the urge to vomit.

"You . . . you lied. I can't believe━ how could it have all b-been a lie?" Another nasty cough rattled your body, followed by a shiver and a groan.

The brown-haired man slightly tilted his head, like he was truly confused. "Lied? Hmm, well. I suppose you could put it that way based on your limited knowledge of the circumstances, but I wouldn't put it that way. Besides, this isn't really about truth or lies. It is, and always has been, only about the reality of what is. And what is, is that you were unable to anticipate my deception. No one could, because it was outside the domain of your thoughts. What is, is that the current way the Soul Society operates is tainted, and I shall be the one to remedy it."

You drew another shuddering breath and looked down at the ground with a grim expression as your blood continued to pool at your feet. Briefly, you even considered unsheathing yourself from his blade and take the chance to make a run for it, but the chances of you making it to the outside world, let alone coming across someone before you bled out and died were slim. Besides, it was clear that you couldn't even trust your own senses anymore after Aizen demonstrated that he had complete control of your reality.

Which reminded you of something else.

" . . . when?" you asked the same question again, but much quieter than before, despair palpable in your voice. 'When and how did you subject me to your zanpakuto's Complete Hypnosis?', is what you were really asking. And being as intelligent as he was, the spectacled man understood.

Abruptly, with a large palm on the small of your back, Aizen used his gentle hold grip to pull you towards him in order to close the remaining distance, causing him to drive the remaining length of his zanpakuto all the way through until the tsuba of his blade rested against your stomach. You looked like a skewered piece of meat.

You didn't have the willpower to hold back the piercing shriek of agony and physical anguish as tears sprung forth from your eyes. You could no longer tell if your blurry vision was due to your tears obstructing your sight or if it was from being a step away from death's door.

"Do you remember . . . the first time we met?"

The hand that rested on your lower back slowly glided upwards until his fingers found your jaw. With a tenderness that reminded you of a time before his betrayal, he lifted your chin and guided your gaze to look at him directly. His thumb moved to graze your bottom lip just as you've done mere hours ago━ as if he knew that, as if he watched you do it. His thumb was dangerously close to slipping inside your mouth and that both excited and scared you. Your breasts against his, your breaths synchronized with his, your body and his were fully pressed against each other and it made focusing on his question more difficult.

Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion. The first time . . . we met? Sure, with a little bit of effort you could easily recall the first time you formally met Aizen. It was sometime in the spring, and you remembered him running through combat formations with his lieutenant and the rest of his squad. But why d━

A silent gasp left you. Another epiphany, another figurative blade piercing your heart.

Battle formations, and he . . . offered you to join them . . . his zanpakuto . . . . .

Confusion crumbled away, and was replaced with vacant horror and sadness. It seems you've already been defeated, for many, many years now.

Aizen seemed to murmur something under his breath, a pleased sound you couldn't quite decipher. His mouth brushed over yours, rendering you literally speechless, before he closed the distance and brought your lips together. You could barely process what was happening.

It was ironically tragic how soft and skillfully gentle his lips were against yours. The kiss felt longing, like a departure between two sweethearts and their last meeting together. It also felt heavy and final, making you want to cry.

And you did. Silent tears streamed from your eyes and rolled onto the fingers that still held your face so affectionately. The captain reacted by guiding your chin up a little further, dipping his head a little lower, so he could deepen the kiss. You weakly scorned yourself for thinking about how the two of you must really look like lovers now, sans the sword sticking out from your back.

Oh, how cruel this was; how cruel he was. It was cruel for him to kiss you like this, hand still splayed on your back like he needed to touch you stay sane. And how cruel it was that still managed to enjoy it, even as you stood there dying. Your lips moved together in tandem, slow and almost passionate, all while tears stained the apples of your cheeks, drying up the plush youth that once resided in them.

Aizen's tongue had slithered its way into your mouth, and you suddenly felt like crying harder. There was a tart, sweet flavor lingering on his tastebuds, and you absently wondered what is was. Perhaps hibiscus from tea, you surmised. And he too tasted the sweet jasmine and citrus that clung your tongue and lips. At this, he chuckled quietly into your mouth, humming before retracting from you by a few inches so he could speak.

"I knew you would like the tea. It's sweet and flavorful, isn't it?" You hated how low his voice was, how its timbre pleasurably vibrated and rumbled against your lips, and you hated that lidded stare he gave you. You again thought it unfair that you couldn't even revel in the rare sight of Aizen's lips slightly wet because your lips were intertwined with his.

"I have to thank you for humoring me and my recommendations. I really appreciated it. And I also," you winced loudly and cried out in affliction as Aizen finally began to withdraw the sword from your body, "must to bid you farewell now. It seems you don't have any more time left, and this has dragged on for longer than it needed. I'm not surprised you've held out for this long, as I already knew you possessed commendable strength. But alas it wasn't enough. I am sorry that you have to die; it's rather regrettable that you happened to be that blade of grass that ended up underneath my foot."

Another wail was yanked from your chest as he steadily removed his sword from your abdomen. The pain was becoming excruciating, you would have collapsed by now if the taller man weren't holding you.

You saw two things before the light in your eyes had all but faded away. The first were the colors of faux pity and apathy that swirled in Sōsuke Aizen's irises, spiraling like a storm that was certain to wreak havoc in its wake. His gaze was devoid of any regret or remorse; the final metaphorical nail on the coffin. The second was a small smile.

But this wasn't one of his smiles you were familiar with. No wait . . . . the one you knew was simply a veneer of what is.

This smile was slanted, the corners of his lips tilted upwards and was sharp. Sharp enough to cut open your already gaping wound further and completely tear you apart, spelling out your demise. It looked insidious as if it were hiding razor-edged fangs. This was what is; Aizen's real smile.

"I. . . I see. Aize. . . ." were the last words you were able to manage. You didn't have the strength to be upset or hurt any longer, so you gave in to the exhaustion.

Your body permanently relaxed, long lashes veiling your now empty eyes as your arms lifelessly dropped to your sides. The captain found a disturbing amount of pleasure in his name being the final word you attempted to speak before succumbing to the sleep of death.

And even after the fact, the facade of doomed, star-crossed lovers persisted as your body slumped backwards. Aizen's strong forearm wrapped tightly around your waist being the only reason you didn't fall to the ground in a puddle of your own blood.

That day was the last anyone saw of you, your zanpakuto still laid idly in your room, its spirit destined to forever wander in the afterlife between worlds alone, eventually fading from existence without ever feeling the presence of its master again.

They had declared you missing by the end of the next day. Lieutenant Hisagi was probably the most perturbed about your sudden disappearance. Days, weeks passed, and they never located you. The Gotei 13 was left unsettled by the lack of progress, but ultimately had to rule your case inconclusive. Some believed that you were simply killed by a stray hollow, or even ran away from your duties because of the stress.

The news of what happened spread like wildfire across all the squads, that a high-ranked officer just up and vanished without a trace. The spirits and morale of the thirteen companies dampened, sorrow and worry swelling like a festering boil.

And that boil burst when Ryoka infiltrated the Soul Society, and when it was revealed that all of it was carefully orchestrated by Sōsuke Aizen.

Like a blade of grass that somehow snuck into one's sandals or in between their toes, during his time in Hueco Mundo, images of you flashed in his head at unexpected times when his mind was quiet. He'd remove the grass, tossed you aside, and moved on with his day. There was no room for you in the grand scheme of things. Such reminisces were beneath someone like him.

And yet.

He'd always find another piece of grass from the greenery he stepped on whenever he advanced a step in his plans. There you were again.

It was common knowledge that if you kept repeating the same action over and over, it will eventually wear you down.

━━━━━━ 鏡 ━━━━━━━

It was dark, and there was nothing.

There had been nothing for quite a long time now. Utter darkness and the abyssal shade of black engulfed every inch of Aizen's body and surroundings.

He saw nothing, the seals over his eyes too opaque to let anything through. And even if they weren't obscuring his vision, he would barely be able to see three feet in front of him; there was seldom a few lanterns in his cell to begin with. He felt nothing but the bindings that kept him imprisoned in one of the deepest pits of the Seireitei. At times it felt like even his internal organs had stilled in their functions. He heard nothing but the unrelenting quiet of his cell within Mugen's maw. The only thing that served as proof that he hasn't spontaneously grown deaf yet was the occasional muffled noise that originated from outside of the entrance. And even then, he could hardly hear much of anything.

Such is an ironic fate for someone who, with a stray thought and a glint of his blade, could control someone's senses and take away their free will to experience those senses in their reality. And now, he was stripped away of all of his in nearly every capacity.

Sōsuke Aizen was rendered stationary and stagnant, qualities he detested and were the antithesis of his ambitions and plans, perhaps even his existence.

Aizen had always believed in being in control of your own destiny and making your own choices; if you had the opportunity and the power to change something━ especially if it was something that was wrong, unfair or immoral━ then one should be able to move towards that goal by making change, even if by force. The former captain had always been intentional about his actions and his desires right from the start.

And yet, here he ended up.

Spending years strapped to a chair in this dark, cloistered hole, Aizen had nothing but time to reflect the reason for his arrest: that orange haired Ryoka boy, Ichigo Kurosaki. He had nothing but time to admit to himself and settle on the conclusion that his last battle with the substitute Shinigami . . . did something to him.

Fighting the Ryoka boy ignited something inside him that he previously believed would forever lay dormant.

The thrill of a challenge.

Adrenaline was injected into his veins with each clash of their swords, spreading far and wide across every inch of his body. It no longer reacted in the measured, calculative manner he had programmed it to, but with unadulterated, pure instinct and raw power━ all in an effort to not only withstand such potent spirit energy from his opponent, but to come out on top and win.

It made him feel alive.

Aizen's desire to be the victor in battle and in his philosophy━ to prove himself right━ both fueled him and consumed him so thoroughly it led to his own downfall. That was a rather difficult fact to acknowledge; so much so his head started to pulsate intensely whenever it crossed his mind one time too often.

All of it unfolded right in front of his eyes and yet . . . he didn't really see it happen.

As time passed during his perpetual incarceration, with hooded eyes, the former captain spent an unfathomable amount of time tossing and turning every single event that led him to this underground prison, even pondering his temporary release by the Head Captain Kyōraku to fight in the war. Scenarios both minor and significant displayed itself in front of his mind's eye as if he were watching a film.

Every so often, a blurred visage of your image would make a brief appearance, like the flickering sparks of a match before they were able to come to light, fading away into the void and were overshadowed by his other thoughts. It was as if his own consciousness and intentionally muted any manifestations of your existence in his memories. As if he wasn't able to or allowed to see them━ to remember you for too long.

Mentally reliving moments from the last several months, years, decades, centuries━ trying to analyze each moment and decipher where it could have went wrong━ turned out to be quite an exhausting task. His mind and body would grow heavier with inertia, and eventually he would succumb to the alluring pull of slumber. After some time he would rouse from his sleep, and continued from where he left off.

These were his daily activities day in and day out (even though he had trouble distinguishing day and night in his chambers) for years. He saw a positive side to it though. He'd instead think of it has him getting stronger because he had spent so long . . . thinking. Ruminating. Contemplating every possibility in the past, present, and future. His mind would become as sharp as his zanpakuto.

Aizen had always been intentional about what he did, what he said, and how he conducted himself. He was sure in his abilities to orchestrate an image━ a belief for others to have faith in, and act on it in order to further his goals. He was always sure in that image, knowing who he was and what he stood for.

Or at least, that's what he thought.

Aizen wasn't consciously aware that his certainty in this crafted image had already begun to waver. He could not and was unable to anticipate how severe these small fractures had become until after a certain lieutenant paid him a visit outside his cell of confinement, right before he was scheduled to be thrown back into that dark hole of the Mugen.

Lieutenant Shuhei Hisagi was quite emotive when he burst through the doors. His expressions were contorted in volatile mixture of frustration, anger and sadness. His emotions were every which way, directed at everything that has happened so far, including himself. He was especially emotive at Aizen specifically for what he did to former captain Kaname Tosen and 'corrupting him with his twisted ideals.'

Aizen found amusement in that.

Before he was rolled away by the punishment force and therefore out of earshot, a particular set of Hisagi's words caused the small, content smile on his lips to uncurl ever so slightly. "Everything . . . and everyone that has ever gotten themselves involved with you has been trampled on by you and your ideals one way or another, and they all end up dead. If you think what you did to Captain Tosen was justified━ to call it mercy . . . . . then there is truly no justice in this world. You will . . . forever be the enemy in my eyes."

There was a trembling anger in his voice. Pain that wanted to cry out and be set free but, the thin lid of reason prevented it from doing so. And after a moment of silence, the corners of Aizen's lips curved upwards once more. A little bemused, a little more wolfish this time. He maliciously imagined Hisagi's reaction if he ever discovered the true reason for your disappearance.

But instead, all he said was. "What an interesting thing to say, Shuhei Hisagi. Your conviction is admirable." Any evidence of emotion that might have been reflected in his sepia irises was swallowed up and obscured by the darkness of the Mugen's jaw.

The cracks in Aizen's sense of self, in his beliefs, in the image he invented started to cave under the weight of Hisagi's words before he himself realized it was happening. They were like stains in the fabric of his mind that refused to come out.

What puzzled him more, was that with each attempt to figure out just why Hisagi's words echoed in his mind, they all lead back to you, the third seat of the 9th squad. Annoyingly so.

The tattooed lieutenant hadn’t said anything particularly profound ━ at least, Aizen didn't think so. Your name didn’t even fall from his lips. So why were memories of you and your likeness the only clear thoughts he could make of Hisagi's speech? Was it because he was aware of how close the two of you were? He doubted the reason were that trivial and insignificant.

His thoughts grew more discordant by the day, his soul a little more weighted than usual. Perhaps these new seals that Urahara had fashioned actually had an effect on him, Aizen thought. It made sense. His intellect, other than his own, were the only ones capable of creating such effective restraints.

After a while, he had a revelation. This was a different kind of weight.

This heaviness, the closest word he knew to describe it as . . . . was loneliness.

Time taunted him as it seemed to drag on━ Aizen grew even less sure of how much━ when he came to this realization. Hisagi's words were a clear mirror to the loneliness that echoed within him after what happened to you and to Tosen. It was so . . . potent, that it seemed to strike some chord in Aizen he had never heard before.

Such a chord, this sound of loneliness, it was strange and uncomfortable; he wasn't very fond of this sensation. He'd try to scrub it away, but it was all for naught.

His eyes had slid shut at some point, his ruminations leading to dead ends and wearing him down. And, almost as expected, there you were again, in all your translucent glory. The hem, the sleeves, and even the smell of your yukata slowly dragged across his dreams, haunting his thoughts like a lonely wraith.

And Aizen hardly dreamt of anything.

When he regained consciousness he was plagued with yet another epiphany. An additional reason behind this newfound depth.

Aizen's own loneliness. Guilt. Much to his own quiet horror.

How foreign and unusual a thing like guilt is. It was like looking into a mirror and not recognizing something you had never noticed before, but wondered if it had always been there.

But the thing Aizen did recognize, how lonely he actually felt, was something he had hoped would never resurface again. It was a notion he hadn't had the time or regard to consider━ 'loneliness'. Its only purpose, if any, was solely to serve as a motivator. At times though, it was more like a hindrance.

Something akin to nausea slowly started to bubble up in the pit of his stomach, but he suppressed the sensation before it became any more intense.

What of his previous actions did he need to feel guilty for? He hadn't felt it then, so why would he feel it now? Again he ruminated such a question endlessly into oblivion.

The former captain had no doubts that his plan to remove the Soul King, and therefore the Soul Society's sins, were necessary.

Nor did any hesitancy about removing the opposition or dead weight━ whether shinigami or arrancar━ existed.

He certainly had no reservations against killing Kaname Tosen, for he knew the man well enough to know that Tosen would have been so thoroughly appalled with what he had become, it would have drove him mad.

So what was it, then? Why were such useless emotions as guilt and loneliness being amplified n━

"Y....know, S....."

Even covered by the seals, Aizen's eyes widened and his brows were slightly furrowed in distress. Had his mind finally tipped the scales of sanity and madness, to the point where he was hearing things?

It was quiet for several moments longer, before his senses caught onto the sound of water dripping onto a hard surface.

One drop at a time.

Its cadence a little too rhythmic to be natural. And for a second time, he heard that soft, ominous sounding whisper. Its voice a little clearer this time.

"You...know.....Sōsuke."

In the second it took for his eyes to flutter shut behind its seals to blink, when he reopened them, he was no longer sealed to the walls and floors of the Mugen, nor was he surrounded by every shade of darkness imaginable. His limbs and senses were finally freed to breathe for the first time in what felt like ages.

That relief was short-lived when his senses absorbed the unending landscape of water underneath his feet, water lilies lifelessly floating on its surface, and the dim sky illuminated by a full pale moon.

Aizen was in his inner world, and now he was aware of how he got here, or rather who brought him here.

"You . . . already know the answer to that question, Sōsuke." The voice was even more clear, its sentences more comprehensible. And it sounded it eerily like you.

Why the voice was impersonating your likeness had caught him off guard for half a second, but he realized it was only the work of his zanpakuto, Kyoka Suigetsu.

An illusion it may be, there was an untouchable quality about your voice and how you spoke that even Kyoka Suigetsu couldn't replicate.

A few feet away from him, the water was disturbed by a being emerging from the depths. Ripples formed around a manifested version of his zanpakuto, who took the form of you, smiling ever so gently. The smile felt airy, and it didn't seem like the same one that haunted his dreams and every waking thought as of late. It felt....knowing.

Still, the former captain couldn't be bothered to maintain eye contact with his sword spirit, so he turned around and opted to keep his unreadable stare trained on the vast expanse of water and white lilies.

"It's been quite a while since I have stepped foot into this realm. There must be something you want . . . Kyoka."

The zanpakuto chuckled, it sounded like the way you would softly laugh at one of his clever quips. But this wasn't you.

He didn’t want to admit that something about that fact didn’t sit right with him.

"Judging from your tone, would I be correct in assuming you don't want to be here?"

Silence rang out within the soul scape, before Aizen interrupted it, his gentle voice colored a shade darker, and a little rigid. "And I fail to see the reason why you must take that form when you revealed yourself to me. Is your aim to get a reaction out of me? Or something along those lines?"

Your eyes━ the eyes of Kyoka Suigetsu━ narrowed at its master's back, as if they were trying to create concavities in his skull. But the expression was washed away the moment it appeared, the serene smile from before was back in place.

"You know . . . it's considered quite rude to not look at someone when you're addressing them. That, and when you deliberately ignore things they say. Your manners have been deteriorating, Sōsuke. Tsk, tsk."

Kyoka-dressed-as-you suddenly appeared before him, as if they had teleported. Even when they were in his peripheral vision, Aizen still maintained his stare off into the distant nothingness.

"Unless, you can't find it in yourself to look at me. . . that's correct, isn't it? It's because I look exactly like her, right?" The zanpakuto continued to provoke him, taking a step closer into his personal space.

With an exasperated sigh, his eyelids fell shut for a second, using that time to gather the strength he didn't know he needed, and directed his gaze to meet his spirit's. Aizen's face gave nothing away, but his heart lurched about his chest when his bronze eyes met with yours, or what was made to look like yours. The undesired affect it had on him was all the same.

"If you wish to chastise me about manners, I suggest you take your own advice. You didn't answer my first question, either: what is it you want? Why am I here?" Again the former captain chose to not address the other parts of Kyoka's statement. For the sake of his sanity and his thinning patience━ or was it to preserve his resolve?

Its smile widened a bit, moving another step closer to their master. God, Kyoka even smelled like you, mimicking your signature honeyed scent that Aizen didn't realize he found so intoxicating until this very moment.

"I called you here to save you from yourself."

Aizen remained silent, only narrowing his eyes in speculation. "Meaning?"

"Didn't I already say it earlier? I think you already know what I'm talking about, Sōsuke. You've always known."

Fate's pairing of Kyoka Suigetsu with Aizen was a match crafted from the spindles of heaven, but also a maddening curse pulled from the depths of hell, for they complimented each other a little too well. The zanpakuto was too perfect a reflection of Aizen and his soul, looking at it started to hurt his eyes.

His sword spirit insisted that he already knew the reason for his coming here, and perhaps he did have an inkling the moment the light of epiphany was shone on his profound loneliness and guilt. But that couldn't have been what it was referring to . . . . could it?

"You cannot feign ignorance here, my dear Sōsuke, however I do find it rather humorous you bother trying. If you'd like, I don't mind humoring you by spelling it out for you. I'd be glad to unearth the truth that you have buried in the most neglected corner of your heart."

"When you were . . . . subjecting yourself to such mental torment, it had an affect on this world as well. The ripples, the waves in this scape become quite . . . tumultuous." The nuances in your voice were perfected by his zanpakuto, but the way it talked sounded like a fog that was gradually closing in from over the horizon. The uneasy feeling that resided in his chest traveled down to his stomach, but Aizen's face remained steely, even when Kyoka Suigetsu took that final step to close the gap in between them. "And the reason for that, the reason why Hisagi's words rattled you so is because you regret killing that woman."

The creased line in Aizen's brow grew more prominent as he stared down his sentient sword spirit. With its breast pressed against his, they placed a hand on his clothed chest in a tantalizing manner, but he felt nothing. There was no warmth from its palm, much unlike when your hand touched him. There wasn't even a cool sensation either. Even minutes before your death, your touch brought a soothing heat that permeated through his shihakusho and penetrated his skin.

Kyoka's face grew nearer, their smile━ although still tender looking━ grew cold at its edges, nearly resembling that of a predator eager to see despair reflected in the eyes of its prey. It didn't fit the graceful allure of your face at all, and seeing this expression deeply unsettled the former captain more than he would like to admit.

"You regret . . . killing me."

A chill tore through Aizen's body, the weight of Kyoka's words adding onto the heaviness that still hasn't been alleviated from his heart; he was hardly able to suppress the involuntary shiver.

Without warning, Kyoka's mouth suddenly became dangerously close to their master's, its lips brushing against his in a provocative manner. Aizen's expression darkened when he realized that it was reenacting his last encounter with you when you were alive. His mouth started to grow uncomfortably dry, despite his soul scape being full of moisture, and there was a taste on the back of his tongue that's been lingering there since he arrived.

The lilt in Kyoka's tone continued to taunt him. "That is the reason for your guilt: regret. You have been in denial. And in the spirit of unearthing truths, I suppose I can admit that perhaps . . . . I've been . . . . encouraging said delusions, adding drops of fuel into the flames of your emotions and ambitions. But after all that's happened, when it comes down to it there's no point in continuing this hallucination any longer. I've grown tired of this game, so it's time to for you wake up now, Sōsuke. I've brought you here to release you from your own illusion, to completely shatter it."

Aizen's back was as stiff as a board, not moving a millimeter when Kyoka's lips grazed his again. They were breathing softly onto his mouth, but he hardly felt any puffs of air.

The former captain was having a rather difficult time processing the fact that his zanpakuto had its own agenda and had been manipulating his emotions without him noticing. Specifically the emotions he felt towards you.

He never truly believed that such a thing was possible, one's own blade having such a deep-rooted influence━ no, control over their master. Or would it be more accurate to say that he never expected himself to be controlled to such a degree? He that prided himself on being freed from the marionette strings of fate that were tied to his limbs and mind, he that relished being able to do what he wanted, think what he wanted, feel what he wanted━ or what he didn't want━ it was hard to believe that none of that mattered in the end.

Kyoka Suigetsu's deceptive abilities were indeed undeniably perfect. No one, not even Aizen himself could have anticipated that Kyoka's most absolute and complete hypnosis would be enacted on himself.

"Do you know now, Sōsuke? Do you understand?" Kyoka's voice was as soft as a whisper, but it couldn't hide the edges of its tone that were still sharpened from finding amusement of seeing the truth flash across its master's face. "You had destroyed the solution to your existential question of loneliness, before you could fully understand the question itself."

Yes . . . . . Aizen understood now.

He didn't bother acknowledging what Kyoka had said. His grim facial expression━ still, tinged with dolor, and paired with an indescribable, distant look his eyes━ said all that it needed to. His silence was as much as an admission as any.

Kyoka-dressed-as-you leaned forward again to fully close the gap between their lips and Aizen's. Tenderly, like the intentions of a lover, it spoke against his nearly closed mouth. "Have you figured it out yet?"

Nothing but quiet could be heard between them, as Kyoka's mouth moved about their master's face and placed something like kisses upon its surface, but not quite.

Aizen's cocoa-shaded eyes slide down to stare at his sword spirit pressed up against him. His gaze was hard, and yet something swam underneath its surface that his zanpakuto had never seen before. Melancholy, it guessed? They weren't quite sure.

Kyoka pressed on when Aizen remained quiet. "The taste in the back of your mouth. Have you figured out what it was? You know it quite well....."

Aizen's tongue grazed the roof of his mouth, sensing the rather unpleasant taste that has coated the inside of it. And within a moment, because he was faced with the current circumstances, Aizen had finally placed a name associated this particular taste. How unfortunate this was.

Upon his realization, Aizen's head lowered, and his brown tresses hung freely over his lashes. Perhaps it was so Kyoka couldn't properly see whatever remorseful expression painted their master's face, but it mattered not. Even from here, the sword spirit could already sense exactly what it was he was feeling.

And they loved it.

"It's a sweet and flavorful taste, isn't it? Quite lovely." Kyoka Suigetsu mimicked the exact words he uttered against your lips all those years ago when he tasted jasmine tea on your tongue, and sealed your death with a kiss. "It's too bad you don't seem to enjoy it anymore."

Aizen's chest continued to rise and fall calmly, and the hands of his sword spirit that rested there glided upwards to cup his strong jaw, caressing his skin with its thumb. Its phantasmic touch did nothing to stir their master.

"Sōsuke, do you know what the jasmine flower from that tea symbolizes?"

Aizen's lips were slightly parted, but again he didn't say anything. Instead, its corners twitched and lifted upwards by an inch, and he huffed softly.

Kyoka Suigetsu grinned in reply. "Good."

The next time Aizen blinked, he was plunged in darkness yet again. The restrictive feeling that swallowed his being whole had returned, and was an indicator that his zanpakuto had released him from his inner world. He was consciously back in the Mugen, back in this abyss they called a prison cell.

Kyoka was indeed as much as a formidable force in its own right, as much as, if not greater than Aizen himself.

The conversation he had with his sword spirit would be cemented in his head for all eternity. When he grew senile and began to physically wither away, the one thing that would remain vital like a young heart, was this epiphany that he had. This realization that he actually . . . .

As the chains of despair bound him tighter to the bottom of the metaphorical pit, regret and his loneliness corroding his flesh and spirit like metal exposed to moisture, a stray memory of his time in Hueco Mundo flashed in his mind. He recalled having tea prepared for meetings with his Espadas and he could not pinpoint when, but at some point, Aizen developed an aversion for jasmine flavored tea. For one reason or another, he no longer found its taste appealing; whenever he drank it, it always tasted bitter.

Now that reason had become painstakingly clear.

The binding on his mouth muffled a rueful chuckle at the though, and it trapped the flavor of jasmine on his lips.

(#) @soaringmirror @stygianoir @ryukenzz @blkjupiters @chrissie2003 @nymphoheretic @dejwrld @triangularz @souyaszn @kuujo @honeybleed @valentineluvu . let me know if you’d like to be apart of my tag list ♡♡.

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everybodyloveshippos · 4 months

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Children of Malice

Vierna, Maya, Briza Drizzt, Nalfein, Dinin

redraw/redesign of the Do'Urden family (probably will draw Malice, Zak and Rizzen next)

design notes/headcanons under the cut

i usually just have thoughts about the character as im designing so for a few things i was like 'oh thats a thought' also yes i know children of malice is a CR thing too haha

-i wasnt originally gonna draw 'lolths embrace' since these are just my own designs not visual dictionary but like....facial markings are really cool and so i ended up looking up various spider markings (i only used those specific realworld spider designs for dinin, who i also gave darker marking as opposed to lighter) and briza

-i also prefer the idea that its not actually anything to do with lolth, its just a genetic marking that some have and some don't. also the proximity to magic/faezress theory (?) was cool so there's not a huge meaning here; though i guess im guilty bcus I didnt give them to drizzt or vierna

-maybe zak doesnt have them and neither do his kids which sorta spurs on the heretic theory when its actually just a genetic thing that has no actual bearing on lolth's favour

-the women wear more gold and the men more silver, however the men can wear gold; they just have to be wary with standing out more than their sisters. any given day could be too much and cause for a beating

-nalfein likes jewelry and decorations/makeup and is more flashy when he's away at sorcere. his ears are marked up from training with/lessons from zak, who frequently would smack his ears when he was displeased with him. they blend in with lolth's embrace and he will cover them with makeup or a glamour on occasion. i just got the sense he was somewhat insecure given how he kept challenging zak and was written off by his family as mediocre. i think he liked being at sorcere more than at the house

-drizzt takes out his braids whenever he can. he likes his hair loose

-so does dinin. i think a lot of his appearance is meant to attract attention and establish his individuality

-i've always given vierna bangs and a ponytail BUT i love her braids in the comic so I gave her those too. her hair is unruly, like drizzts. she has a couple visible scars as opposed to her sisters because she trained more with zak. he felt bad about it but a bit relived when she didnt make a big deal out of getting a bit marked up. malice was angry

-maya has markings on her ears, so she doesnt pierce them. she wears makeup but forgets its there, and sleeps in it and wipes it off by accident. since her hair is shorter she decorates with little spider gold clips

-i will die on the headpiece hill. og drizzt oldman swag

-compared to my older art of them (first fanart of the series! i knew i was in when i drew all the siblings lol) i think i changed nalfein most to be less ...square....i hit him w a yassification beam and gave him eyebrows

#clare's art #legend of drizzt #dnd #dungeons and dragons #drow #drizzt do'urden #dinin do'urden #vierna do'urden #briza do'urden #maya do'urden #nalfein do'urden

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captainzigo · 1 month

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hey hi hello , as a fellow trans girl pony enjoyer i love ur art and posts and the like!!

do you have any headcanons abt how HRT affects ponies? personally when i transitioned i made my self insert OC have a lighter coat & mane color and changed her name a bit so she transitioned with me :) the hormones been brightening her up quite a bit

:3 yes! i think it changes your cutiemark

on the left that’s marble pie from the show. pinkie’s sister. and that is octavio pie on the right. pinkie’s brother. from the silly pony life show. identical in design to marble, and not mentioned once in any of the many friendship is magic episodes about pinkie’s family. that’s because these are before and after transition pictures. i doubt anyone thinks of pony life as canon, but if it were then what im saying would be straight up canon. like not even headcanon.

one of the reasons people headcanon trixie as trans is she uses some animation assets normally used for the boy ponies. the only one i remember is her irises, but i seem to remember she may have also had a bigger horn? i don’t know if there’s any headcanons to form from that lol. but i like coming up with really alien biologies. like maybe some ponies wear contacts as an affirmation thing? that’s weird but it’s kinda cool to me. also possibly getting horns reshaped somehow

also i think they probably do transitions with magic. or maybe they do it with potions. but whatever they do its all fancy and whimsical like the rest of the stuff they do. when trixie and twilight had that magic duel they said no one can do the spell that “turns a mare into a stallion” but that’s not really what gender affirming procedures do anyway.

Prickly Pear, my oc from my profile. was just an oc long before i started using her as a sort of sona. i will not be revealing her assigned gender. but i did draw an actual sona one time and that bitch definitely used to have a different cutiemark. probably something i hate but was still kinda good at. like choir

man i drew her a while ago. her proportions are weird. although i guess i do have a lot of ass in real life so maybe that’s fine

i realize now i talked mostly about affirming procedures and not just hrt, but close enough. i think your cutiemark changes magically when you redefine your own identity for yourself. also this is just a headcanon i have. i’m not denying the transness of ponies who’s cutiemarks stayed the same through transition.

#mlpfim #my little pony #ponysona #octavio pie #marble pie #transgender #trans headcanon

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serpenndragon · 3 months

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cw for horror-esque design art!

Just some concept art of Bad but it's intentionally spooky this time so :P

+ some fountain pen doodles so It isnt just a text thumbnail O-o

ignore that he doesnt have his scars or uhm. hair

We need more BadBoyHalo being a scary monster so I am here to deliver 🫡 If you havent seen my other art this is his "true" form and what he's worried about the other members seeing, even though a few already know (like quackity, wilbur, niki, tubbo, ect) and the other's probbaly wouldnt judge him or see him differently other than being a bit surprised.

This is turning into a bit of a species info dump but that's what tumblr is for I guess so !

Some things to know- This strange looking ten foot tall monsterish form is what regular Wither demons normally look like! Ofc they're not always pissed like how I drew here but the unsettlingness can still stick around when theyre not trying to be threatening just because of their large teeth, claws, and well being large LOL Bad, coming from the nether originally got the gist firsthand how the overworld viewed WIther Demons and most people were scared of him, so as a safety measure and for his own anxiety he learned transfiguration magic over the coarse of a few years to create himself a smaller, less thretening form. At first it was hard and painful to maintain his smaller form (which is about 5'6, gets rid of most of his teeth, smaller horns/tail/wings that can't fly and less defined leg joints) but after a while of using it frequently along with getting better with his magic he's able to maintain it prettymuch constantly! Though he does have to revert back for at least 30 minutes a day to avoid health issues and longterm transfiguration detriments. (I had a breif idea that during purgatory he would be forced into his true form to defend himself and/or because he kept his smaller one up in front of everyone for too long) Anyyyways Dapper and most of the other babies know about his real form! He lets them ide on his back sometimes and teaches them how to fly/roar and other silly things. hmm another fun fact, Bad has the demon equivelent of a dad bod, if you notice he shed the spikes on his upper back and neck (which parent demons do so their babies can ride on their backs safely), and gained the barbs on his lower neck (which he can rattle to better communicate and imitate the call of a baby demon, it doenst serve much of a purpose with the baby dragons seeing as they aren't wither demons but they've grown fond of the sound when Bad would make it on accident, and can mimic it <3) AKA with the addition of the dragon babies his body went into dad mode like it had when JR was born, he can't really control it but doesnt really mind and it does kinda help him with them anyways. In addition to the physical changes, he's also beome incredibly protective over them Despite them not being his bloodborn children (this is common for wither demons, since their species is scarce they evolved to get these paternal instincts and hormones when they take a paternal role which was meant for ophaned baby demons but works with other species too, Bad's just like oh okay I have a handful of baby dragons my body thinks is its own now woah okay

Went off on a tangent there LMAO i could talk about him all day anyways hope you like my ideas :D

#qsmp badboyhalo #badboyhalo fanart #badboyhalo #skephalo #bbh #qsmp art #qsmp fanart #qsmp #skeppy #skeppy fanart #bbh fanart #horror

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kuradex · 2 months

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I wanna know about your art style. How you draw like that??

i tried putting down considerations as well as a (very) general step by step of what i do; if there's anything more specific you want me to explain lmk i guess?

first off, general (self imposed) constraints / purpose of project -- this informs what i draw & how i draw it

i.e. "kuradex" is pretty different from my normal art (my 5 latest rough illustrations):

or my monster hunter charms:

or my pokemon tcg contest illustrations that im not allowed to show until june (😉):

although i've said its for merch purposes, ive started drawing these because i wanted to practice conveying "liveliness" and noticing key features / nuances of a given design, but i didn't want to spend a large amount of time on each one.

so what i came up with is

i want to draw things on-model in terms of proportions ( + take note of weight / tapering of shapes / etc )

no backgrounds & minimal "props"

experiment with / practice line/texture/color/flow/rhythm/etc

spend <1 hr on each pokemon on average (this is a bit more difficult for me to track, but for example, the cyndaquil line took me less than 42min to color, combined, and means at some point in time instead of focusing on cleaning up the art as much as i can, i stop after cleaning up most of it)

that said, the pose & the rhythm/flow of lines are key in conveying liveliness, and if i have a concept in mind i usually end up going with it, but i may go thru a few if i dont.

i consider pokemon origin / lore or a key point in its design, and if i'm particularly stuck, i try looking up pokemon card illustrations for inspiration. (i noticed the research i do is essentially a truncated version of how Atsushi Furusawa does research before doing an illustration.

(& even despite all this i do get stuck sometimes and don't exactly understand a pokemon and just opt for "as cute or cool as i can make it i guess?", but i think it's part of the process...?) (theoretically things that are A Shape should be really easy to draw but with what i want to practice in perspective i find them difficult...)

this is from my latest paid req but these are my first sketches of chesnaught -- i was thinking of how one of its inspirations is a warrior / tanker from RPGs, so i drew a pose where it's shielding its face.

i do another pass and take note of details.

in general i draw overlapping shapes and erase (it's a bit visible on one of the spikes)

because i opt for quickness i start coloring at this point -- i actually just use a colored "color burn" layer & i actually colorpick official art & lay down messy flats & set the color layer to 60%

60% multiply layer for shadows. i tend to use both hard and soft brushes

for bigger projects i would use 2-3 shadow layers to create more "layered" shadows

here i use overlay layer (60%). this is just throwing colors at it and seeing what works and doesn't work. i personally prefer to throw red under the eye and a yellow or blue near the top of the head. this is mostly done with a soft brush

before this point, everything is under the rough lines, but now i actually start drawing/painting over it, color picking the colors that have been laid down from the previous steps and cleaning up / rendering textures (making the green on its arms look fuzzy) / fixing anything that i forgot or looks too off (i.e. the spike on its shoulder and the way the tail curves)

I could potentially keep cleaning this up, but this is where i usually stop 🫡

#not art #barely a tutorial?

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numbbface · 7 months

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A whole lotta Creek...

(just as the title suggests... its an art dump/repost of my stuff from twt with more words lol) 🤷

i know this isn't that much of a creek art but our man Craig is there so it counts... 🙈

Also Baker Tweek!!!☝️☝️☝️

Just drew this bceause i just really wanted to go to the beach and there was a power outtage and had nothing else to do...

also i guess this was also a bit of a supposed idea or scene for my Creek Karaoke AU but decided to just separate it midway.

this one has long been my idea to draw... i just keep forgetting to get to it and now i've already did it.

So this one is definitely part of the Creek Karaoke AU since the name of the Baked Goods are their pet names for each other or at least what Craig came up with and calls Tweek fer time to time.

Yes, i headcanon Craig as a Big Eater, or at least someone who's not very picky with food, thought it would be cute since in my AU, Tweek likes to cook and bake and his taste tester is Craig who either ends up Happy for being able to eat really good food or a round trip to the toilet.🤷

Also as much as Tweek likes to bake or make sweets he's not very fond of'm but Craig on the other hand🧍...

thought i'd add a side by side of the sketch and the finished one...

was originally going to do all this one MsPaint but idk... changed my mind halfway. Not much thoughts on this one, just fluff :3

oooh golly been meaning to draw them in this style for a really long time😭😭😭

just been having a hard time replicating or at least adjusting their features to the art style that it honestly doesn't even look like the one i was aiming for, all you need to know that this art style came from a pretty old BL manga. Art is really good, Story... not so good, no happy ending😔

genuinely just thought of drawing them more anime or manga shounen-ai style without it looking like parody or come off as ironic

lmao this was just for funsies and i was so pissed and tired that day that i just wanted to draw something to take me out of it. Inspo idea for this one was from those one Shoujo manga's of Good Girl x Delinquent/Bad boy/indifferent guy troupes

damn.. its been so long since i've actually read manga or watched anime lmao🧍

#southparkfanart #south park #sp craig #craig tucker #sp tweek #tweek tweak #sp creek #craig x tweek #my art style keeps changing ...#i just love them lmao

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tiny-vermin · 18 days

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I want to know more about the m9 artist au!! I remember reading a post or two about it a billion years ago (and would love to read them again) 💜

hi jess!!!! thank u for being interested hehe :")

so ever since i drew that lil thing of essek painting a frank stella inspired painting (or even before), ive been thinking of what kinds of art each of the m9 would do. essek ofc is inspired by a minimalist show that i went to here, all the big names from that movement were shown, but those really dark, sinkhole-like paintings are speaking to me. another artwork of boxes made of mirrors also seems like the thing he would do too

there's a kiln here that we visited which was huge, and surrounding it were artists' studios and some other ceramic sellers, i imagine the clay family having a place like this in the middle of nowhere amongst the trees, and caleb would do his work there

anyways because at heart im a shadowgast luver its centred around them,, they meet at an artist residency or something like that and its an incredibly slow burn that involves talking and not-talking and looking and not-looking. in the end i am but a simple wong kar wai fan so. that kinda vibes would definitely influence this, i would describe it as a quiet burning i guess?? time skipy and words that are not said

i think im gonna rant a bit more about their different mediums and styles so i'll keep it under the cut

i think caleb sculpts figures and portraits, but in a sad, kathe kollwitz charcoal vibe. maybe some funky looking animals, perhaps some pots and vases to look at the pretty glazes. he's interested in using fire to burn texture into different mediums, like ive seen it being used on shellac to make a really cool net of ink looking structure.. but yknow, just seeing the aftermath of glazed ceramic from the kiln is enough, and probably better for him to keep his distance anyways

the clay family produces most of the ceramic to sell, vases, pots, plates, cups, teapots, yknow just a whole array. and its really colourful too, depicting every family members different style. i think caduceus would do some matte glazes with a lot of different colours, theyre all a little wonky but theyre better off that way anyways. he does some really mean ink calligraphy and painting though

jester definitely does,, everything, whatever her heart desires kinda thang. she makes pastel textile installations and lighthearted cute paintings, but theyre always so contemplative and soothing. she gets m9 a lot of work cus her mom has connections, etc etc. i really love the idea of jester creating works that talk about the female body and femininity (definitely not projecting no)

beau is a printmaker and photographer who's really experimental, she loves cyanotypes and printing flowers (for yasha), idk she seems like she would put fabric and rocks into the washing machine to see what would happen. u would probably catch her in someone elses studio learning about what they do or in the library learning about what old people did

veth works in a museum as a curator, getting beau to help her sometimes with gathering artworks and artists etc. she probably organises community art projects for kids and public art installations. her house is full of m9's artworks and various other artists shes worked with.

yasha does bouquets as her post-retirement part time job, prior to that no one really knows what she did ("she probably murdered a bunch of people and is now hiding from the government"). fjord draws comics for fun but is also not a job for him, molly is a question mark for me. but these guys probably wont be in it as much anyways

im still not sure what format i wanna do this in, im actually having fun just writing it in my notebook now (digital does not facilitate the creative juices) but i do want to do some visuals like fake movie stills or storyboards. maybe they will work together well???? dunno. working on the other shadowgasty thing im doing made me realise how much easier it is to draw when there's a script already there, so im writing the script for myself

im definitely not as practiced in writing as i am in drawing, but idk im just gonna have some fun and see where that takes me, meanwhile try not to feel too bad that its fanart HAHA (very bad habit)

edit: i just saw my previous thoughts on beau being an art journalist, but i kinda like this better.. but maybe she can do both muah

#working tag for this ->#the kiln #honestly if u had any tips for writing #i'd love to hear..#i was insulted once on my writing and never wrote again HADHSFHF #oh and also emo smoking #that is somethng i want to draw more of

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howlonomy · 1 month

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Alllllrighty, got them all done now:

Star is looking very good, and a lot more vibrant than the other version I already had

And here we have the other Ceroba, ears looking a bit weird to me again, but I don't very much care if they do since they still slightly remind me of a fennec fox

And I guess for fun since I have the OTHER area bosses done, the Axes:

Yes, I did draw the background for the first one by hand, that is a major reason why I decided to go for the Justice Beam for the Genocide fight, I was NOT drawing all of those by hand again (they're all slightly different shades of green, so while I could have just Ctrl+C Ctrl+V'd them all and then fill tool them which honestly I should have, I decided to draw them individually one at a time with each different shade. My hand hurt so much after that)

Alright, that's all the serious art ideas done now, now only the sillies remain

HEHEHEHE YEEESSSSS MY BELOVEDS!!!! did not realize how cool my starlo design looked until you drew him and the ceroba looks SO GOOD!!!! she is a fox lady so every fox works for her <3

AND AXISSS i almost wish i redesigned him too but man he already looks pretty cool. and i do not blame you for not wanting to do all that, its sounds super tedious and i dont want you to wreck your hand for that AHDJSK coloring all the 0s by hand is dedication but man please be careful 😭😭 no carpal tunnel!!!!

#asked and answered #art for me #ALSO I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO THE SILLIES!!!!!!

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koitrash · 2 years

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Sunday Morning

You always assumed your crush was untouchable. She was always so close but so far away until one night you both got a little too loose and found yourself somewhere you'd never expect.

Pairing: College au! Ellie x F! Reader

Warnings: NSFW MDNI!! it’s dirty. Fluffy (like so much fluff. Tooth rotting.) Fingering, receiving oral, praise, begging, Intoxicated sex, overstim. Oh this is actually pretty tame now that I typed it out.

Word count: 6.7k hehe

A/n: THIS SHITTTTT!!!!! I swear I passed out multiple times while writing thing. The smut. The fluff. ITS JUST. GOD. I’ve been working on this one for like over a month and it’s my favorite thing ever. I hope you guys enjoy it as much as i did bc WEW

Also this isn't proof read sorry i was just really excited to show y'all this

“Fuck, You're so beautiful.”

It felt like it was impossible to catch your breath. Ellie was kissing you. Her hands were all over you, fingers grazing every inch of your body. She was in your ear whispering sweet nothings to you. Your hands moved to lift her shirt up, to which she gladly assisted with. Her skin was hot and sticky, not that you could blame her because you felt like yours was on fire. Likely caused by the alcohol strumming through both of your systems.

Just a half hour ago you were at a party, chugging liquid courage since Ellie decided to show her face. You wouldn’t say you two were friends but you had a couple classes together, so you knew each other. You studied together before. You grabbed food together once. She walked you back to your dorm one time- well twice. But you wouldn’t say you were friends.

But you certainly had a crush.

And right now your crush was hovering over you. Leaning down to press her lips into yours. Swiping your bottom lip with her tongue to ask for permission. The short, sweet moan that drew from her mouth as your tongues pressed together. Strands of short brown hair that hung over her shoulder brushed your cheek when she lifted herself. Green eyes that seemed to almost sparkle every time she pulled back to fully look at you in between kisses. You were mesmerized by it all. So fucking mesmerized.

“Is this okay?” She asked and you could only focus on how flushed her lips were and it was so fucking attractive. Or the way her breath danced over your skin because she was just that close. “It's more than okay.” You weren't sure if your words slurred together because you were drunk and the high Ellie put you in didn't make things any clearer. She smiled her cute little lopsided grin that she always does and your heart did backflips.

“Why are you laughing?” Ellie’s brows pinched and her smile widened a bit as she watched you giggle to yourself.

“I just- I can’t believe this is happening right now.” Liquid courage was doing its thing apparently because you didn't even realize you were even laughing, let alone saying what's so funny. You let your hands brush over her cheek like she was a work of art, so delicately crafted to perfection. That's what Ellie was to you. Perfection. Something you wanted to touch and taste for so long, to finally have it in your hands. Devouring the very thing you craved.

“What?” She let out a small breathless giggle.

“Nothing.” You replied, pulling her face back down to yours to let your lips connect yet again, sloppy but it did the job. Her hand cupped your breast and your back arched into her touch, gasping into her mouth. There was a passing thought about how you were definitely drunk because you didn't even realize you two were naked, heat of the moment you guessed. Not that any of that mattered. The thought was drowned by the others of how good it felt that Ellie was touching you.

While you were so wrapped up in your hazy mind, Ellie had made her way down to your breasts. Her wet mouth cupped your nipple, completely drawing you from your mind with a moan. “Oh my god” You mumbled, shivers running up your spine. Her mouth and hands on you drove you insane. You jumped as soon as her fingers pinched your other nipple, letting your head fly back into the comforter.

Intoxicated was the only way you could describe it. Pleasure strummed to your core, wetness building between your thighs as Ellie’s tongue rolled over your nipple again. Your breath was heavy and it felt like the whole room was spinning as you gasped into your hand.

“Lemme hear you.” Ellie slurred, lifting herself to move your hand from your mouth. “I wanna hear those pretty moans. Can you do that for me?” Her voice quite literally turned you into putty. So warm. So lustful. So eager. You nodded, not trusting your own voice and knowing you'd squeak out ‘Yes’.

“Good girl,” She pinched and pulled again, drawing a low moan from your lips. “Just like that.” But you couldn't take it anymore. “Ellie,” You whined, grabbing her free hand and guiding it down between your legs, “I need you.” The words desperately flew out your mouth. You were practically begging for her fingers to be inside you. Her cheeks flushed and she sat there for a second, eyes flickering over your features.

“Fuck,” She groaned and for a second you thought she was annoyed with you. “You have no idea what you do to me.” She leaned down quickly, smashing your lips together as her finger brushed your slit. The kiss was heated and rough, your teeth clinked together as your lips slipped. The moment Ellie's finger pressed down on your clit you swore you saw stars.

“Please, Ellie- more.” You begged, she was moving far too slow for your liking. She didn't have to be told twice. “Jesus, you're so wet.” Her fingers ran up your lips, spreading them apart and feeling how desperate she made you. “All this for me?” She pushed them inside easily and your fingers curled into her toned biceps. Your walls clenched around her as she started to pull out, then push back in and your moans filled the air.

If your eyes weren’t screwed shut you would have noticed Ellie was now down between your legs. Her wet lips kissing and sucking your inner thighs and you bit back a moan. “Ellie,” you huffed, barely above a whisper but she heard it loud and clear. Her lips finally met your slit, kissing around it delicately as she continued to thrust into you. She wasn’t rough with this. The way she slowed down and really savored this part made you think. If she did this to everyone- no wonder she had girls lined up for her. Because if you weren’t already in love with the girl, you were now.

You shuddered as her hot tongue licked up your clit and your hand found its way to her hair. A whine bubbled from your throat and her lips closed around your sensitive bud, sucking and moaning with you. Her fingers concentrated again, specifically right after your entrance , thrusting in and out with a purpose. You propped yourself up on your elbows because you really watch her eat you out, more than anything in the world. And you were not disappointed.

Her brows were pinched, sweat making her hair stick to her skin. Cheeks flushed, almost drowning her pretty freckles littering her bridge. Her eyes snapped up to yours, piercing gaze that made you feel like you were caught exactly where she wanted you. Her fingers pushed into you more, curling to make a ‘C’ as she pulled back out and your hips jerked into her mouth. Your fingers raked her scalp as you pulled, other hand fisting the sheets. Wet sounds filled the air along with your lewd moans and her soft grunts.

It felt like an orchestra’s build up to the crescendo, steadily gaining intensity. “Jesus- fuck El,” You slurred, pleasure making you forget that you were even talking. Ellie lifted herself from you just for a moment so she could speak without you bucking your hips into her jaw. “I know baby, I know.” It was something about the way her voice made your heart skip a beat along with her fingers hitting spots you didn't even know existed. Your eyes screwed shut again, mouth hanging low as your moans became loud, and quick. Her fingers slipped out of you and before you could even open your eyes again her warm, wet tongue dipped in your entrance.

You moaned something along the lines of ‘FuckElliedontstop’ that hopefully wasn't incoherent enough for her to understand and you needed her to understand. The coil in your gut pulled as her other hand swiped your clit. The sensation was too much for you to handle, you were seeing the damn moon at this point, fuck the stars. It was so intense. So loud. So good. God it felt so good. Her other hand kept your thighs apart and you didn't even notice you were closing her poor head in between them.

Your legs trembled and toes curled and you listened to the sounds in the room. The wet noises, Ellie grunting after she swallowed around your walls, your heavy breathing. One of her hands flew up to grab at your breast, pinching and twisting your nipple. It was all too much. Too intense. “I can't,” You cried, screwing your eyes shut as she continued to lap at your clit. “El, Im gonna cum”

“Not yet, baby.” She kissed around your slit for a moment before looking up at you. “A little longer, I know you can do it.” Her fingers thrusted into you, her eyes locked with yours and your jaw dropped. You whined, watching your boobs bounce with every thrust she did. “I can't,” You repeated because that's all you could do. Your brain was fried at this point, overrun with pleasure. Ellie returned to your clit, sucking harshly as her tongue swiped side to side. You moaned, whined, cried, and begged- anything you could do- it was all too much. The crescendo was coming, you heard it. The build up. The anticipation. The craving.

“I can't,” You whined again knowing your words were falling on deaf ears. Ellie only hummed against you, sending vibrations up your spine again. You never imagined someone could have you so… desperate.

“Ellie please.”

“Cum for me Y/n” She purred, warm breath dancing over your clit before diving back in. It was so loud, so demanding, so clear. This was it. The anticipation was killing you. You wanted to cum into her mouth so bad it made you dizzy honestly. Your hips jerked again as her fingers thrusted into you and she circled your clit with her tongue.

You imagined the orchestra finally reaching the crescendo, pleasure overwhelming you as you came. It was almost poetic. Your legs closed as you clenched around her fingers, letting out a strangled moan. It was amazing. All you could have possibly asked for and more. You trembled as she continued to lick you clean of all your juices before lifting herself to admire you. “That's my girl.” She purred but you couldn't even concentrate. The feeling of sleep overcrowding your senses right after you finished. Your eyes drifted closed as your orgasm induced high clouded your mind. Ellie’s hands pushed back your hair so she could see your face. “You did so good for me. I love you so much.” You only opened your tired eyes to see her hovering over you, chin sleek with your cum.

“El,” You trailed off breathlessly. Not only was that the best climax of your life but you were also pretty drunk and sleep was desperately needed. “Are you falling asleep on me?” She chuckled. You only hummed in response as you let your fatigue win.

You groaned as you finally stirred awake. Immediately noting the body underneath that moved you with every rise and fall of their chest. You rubbed at your eyes, expecting to wipe off last night's makeup but you were pleasantly surprised to feel nothing but clean skin. “You finally up?” That same smooth, husky voice that you dreamed of graced your ears and you mentally cheered. You wiped at your eyes some more to clear your blurry vision as you lifted yourself to fully see what the hell was going on.

Ellie laid there, white sports bra on and you saw the red print of your body pressed against hers on her stomach. Her hand held her phone, some social media app pulled up and you figured she was mindlessly scrolling waiting for you to wake up. Her hair was down, sprawled out over the soft gray pillows. She watched you wipe your eyes again, trying to cover your utter disbelief. And you wiped again. And again.

“I gotta go to the bathroom.” You muttered as you rolled off the bed. The room wasn’t spinning like you anticipated, which was good but… why wasn't it? You stared at your disheaved frame in the mirror, or at least what you expected to be disheaved but it wasn't. You were put together like you got prepared for bed last night. You wore one of Ellie’s oversized shirts and it was only then that you remembered getting up, per her command.

Did she get you ready for bed last night?

You ran your hands down your face, recalling everything up to you falling asleep after she gave you the best head you've ever received. Your nose wrinkled as you thought back on it. Didn't she say I love you? No, surely you were mistaken. There was no way she said that but you remember it so clearly. It wasn't something you could just forget. Even if she did, it was probably a heat of the moment kinda thing. People say that to eachother while having sex right? But you guys werent just people having sex, that was a one night hook up kinda sex.

Fuck.

You pushed the door open to return back to bed because none of that mattered right now. Ellie smiled as she opened her arm out, welcoming you to her warm embrace. That's right. Right now you were gonna milk this one night stand and get every last drop she was willing to give you. “Still tired?” God, her morning voice was gonna you wrapped around her finger. Her arm draped over your waist as your head rested on her chest again.

“A little. I just wanna stay here a little bit longer.” You whispered, melting into her embrace and you watched her continue to scroll on her phone. This was nice. This was amazing actually. This was the best thing that could ever happen to you and you prayed that she'd still be here when you woke up. Because this literally felt like a dream. You never suspected in your wildest dreams that you'd be cuddled up in bed with your crush after hooking up with them the night before. And there was the weirdest sensation of home around her. Wrapped up in her arms as you drifted back to sleep, you felt so at peace. The way you could hear her heartbeat banging in her chest. Or the way your breathing slowly synced up with hers as you laid there together.

Her fingers ran through your hair and you could have cried from joy in that moment. The moment on the edge of sleep and you desperately wanted to wake up. Pinch yourself to ensure this is real. But you didn't, instead you fell asleep as the smell of her shampoo invaded your senses.

The second time you woke in that familiar bed of hers you were alone. The strong scent of bacon and burnt…? Burnt- something but you couldn't put your finger on what. You were about to roll out of bed to find the source but the smell of Ellie was smothered all over her pillows. Who knows when you'll be in this bed again- if ever. You dove your face in the pillow, bringing the covers up to your chin so you could really get her scent. Did you look a little crazy? Probably. Did you care at this point? Unfortunately, yes; more than you wanted to admit. Just a few more seconds and-

“Oh- you're still asleep.” Ellie’s voice startled you but she didn't notice. Okay, all you had to do was pretend you were sleeping- easier said than done. When you were a kid your mom would always catch you up late at night playing on your little videogames underneath the covers. You were never good at pretending you were asleep. Seems like a plausible thing to grow out of right?

Ellie stood at the foot of the bed, gently shaking your foot to wake you. But the smell of burnt food was so damn strong, it was throwing off her scent from the pillows. “Did you burn something?” You rolled over, wiping your eyes to desperately cover the fact that you weren't actually asleep.

“You can smell that?” Ellie scratched at her arm awkwardly as she made her way over to you, still laying in the bed.

“I'm pretty sure the neighbors can smell it.” Your nose scrunched as you slid off the bed. “What did you burn?” You stretched your arms up high and your shirt lifted to expose soft skin hiding beneath.

“Well, I tried to make you breakfast. Hoping you'd stay long enough.” Her hands rested on your hips as she leaned in to place a sweet kiss to the corner of your mouth. “Guess I'm not a very good cook.” Your brain was basically screaming at you to keep your composure. It wanted to wander to the no man's land of ‘Why’s’ but you wanted to live in the moment. If Ellie was kissing you good morning and making you breakfast it was because you had the best pussy in the game- whatever that meant. All you knew was she was extraordinary with that tongue and was giving you the girlfriend treatment? Say less.

“So what did you burn? The eggs?” You gazed into her eyes as she held you close, thumb swiping over your skin. She was stuck in a trance just as much as you were. You two stayed there for a moment. You anticipated an answer but she wanted nothing more than to kiss you all over and take you back to bed- forget about the poorly made food.

“It was toast.” She spoke softly. The type of soft that had your heart melting and palms sweating. The type of soft that threatened to ruin the moment if it wasn't soft enough. This was so soft it made you think she was telling you a secret that the world could never know.

“How do you burn toast?” You giggled. And she scoffed. And you laughed some more because this was all so silly. This was so stupid but it was the best you've ever felt in a really, really long time.

“It's easier than it looks.”

“I'm a little scared for the rest of the food.”

“Okay the eggs might be a little questionable.” Her lopsided grin grew as you leaned in close. So close that your chests pressed together and you wished you could slow down time. Slow enough so that you could feel your heartbeats pound against each other's chest. Slow enough so you could cherish the way her fingers slid up your back as yours danced over her jaw. Slow enough for you to count every second she held her breath before you spoke.

“I wanna taste.”

It was barely above a whisper and just like before, she could hear it loud and clear. The tension was so thick you could pour it on pancakes. Your lips smashed into hers rather harshly but you two were so desperate for each other you couldn't help it. It was heated, no doubt, sloppier than you'd care to admit. But you loved kissing her. You adored the way her lips felt on yours. You craved her taste, the way she sighed, her hands pulling your hips close. You wanted it all.

You couldn't help but smile. At least a little bit because come on- look at where you are right now. Someone could have told you you died and went to heaven and you would've believed it wholeheartedly. She felt you smiling against her lips and pulled back, one hand now cupping your cheek. No words were exchanged but you knew everything she was saying. All she did was look at you. Her eyes drinking up every feature on your face and you did the same for her.

The way her smirk lifted just slightly to the side. Her mesmerizing freckles littered all over her face. The way her eyes put you under a spell every time she gazed at you like this. Her slightly flushed face as she leaned in close again. Connecting your lips but so much gentler this time. So soft and sweet- savoring the way your heart was doing somersaults right now. God- this was so perfect.

Why were you guys kissing so passionately like this? Beats you. It was a question you really didn't want the answer to honestly. You wanted to just enjoy the moment because the end was soon and you knew it. You'd never be here again as painful as it was to think. You wouldn't be kissing your crush like this again because if you did you don't know who you'd become. Ending up as friends with benefits with Ellie Williams? And she treats you like this all the time? Hard pass.

“I think it tastes good.” You smiled and she chuckled a little.

But the food did not taste good. Like at all. Now you were seated on her couch with a plate full of burnt eggs and 5 pieces of bacon- well 4 now since Ellie grabbed one when you weren't looking. The bacon was the only part that was edible- the toast was burnt so bad it wasn't even in the question. You tried to stomach the eggs but they were so horribly burnt it tasted like it was from a chicken beyond the grave. Shit- it tasted like she went to heaven herself and brought back an egg. And then tried to cook it back to life.

Ellie barely touched the eggs. She knew how badly she fucked it up by the way you awkwardly moved them around your plate. She tried to act like she was so focused on the morning cartoon playing instead but you noticed how she only ate the bacon. You honestly think she ate around 7 pieces.

Your legs were draped over hers as you two giggled to the goofy children's show that was on. You were the one who got dibs on picking what to watch and she only shrugged once she sat down beside you. It was incredibly domestic. Like this was girlfriend shit right here. You half expected a crazy ex to come bang down her door because if she treated one night stands like this…

“I think I'm gonna hop in the shower and then I can give you a ride home if you want?”

“Is that an open invitation?” Your head rolled on the back of the couch, the soft fabric pressing into your cheek. Her lips cracked into a smug grin. Excited was the only way you could describe her expression and you'd be lying if you said your heart didn't start pounding out your chest.

Ellie didn't say anything. There was nothing she could say. You just looked so fucking pretty. So pretty it gave her tunnel vision. Her hand flew over to your jaw and pulled you in to smash her lips against yours. Sure the kiss was nice but you were more worried about the plate full of gross food sitting in your lap. You couldn't concentrate on Ellie the way you wanted to, so badly. You pulled back first and grabbed the almost-fallen plate.

“I'm not going anywhere.” You giggled at her eagerness unaware of the promise you just made. Her face just flushed before she picked up her plate and yours and stood. Her other hand grabbed your wrist and dragged you along with her to the bathroom, gracefully sliding the plates on the table as she walked.

You undressed as she flipped the water on, letting it run over one of her hands before turning around. You were down to just your bra and panties when she saw you, ready to drop some more pieces of clothing.

Her eyes marveled over your body, the soft dips and ridges of your skin. The way your face seemed to heat up under her gaze. “God- how did I end up with someone so sexy.” Her hands rested on your waist again, pulling your hips into hers as she peppered you with kisses. This was her favorite part. She loved the way your lips curled into a smile against hers. Or when your fingers scratched her scalp when you grabbed her hair. And what really sent her over the edge was the little ‘mmmm’ that bubbled from your throat when she kissed you.

“So beautiful baby.” The words trickled from beneath her breath but she'd say it loud and clear if given the chance.

Her hands reached back and unlatched your bra, dropping it to the floor as you attempted to lift her shirt. With the bare skin to skin contact things got more heated. You could taste her desperation with every sloppy kiss she placed on your lips. The water heated quickly, making the small bathroom fill with steam. At this point you couldnt tell if it was the way her hands moved on your body or the fact that the mirror was starting to condensate, but your head was spinning.

“We're gonna run out of hot water soon.” You finally pulled back and she almost pouted by the way you left her lips so lonely. Ellie turned around promptly, dragging you behind her as she stepped inside the shower. You followed her in but let the water run down your back. Ellie’s passionate kisses didn't go unrewarded, as a result of her hasty actions you were now incredibly turned on.

Your arms wrapped around her neck as you leaned into her strong arms, letting out a satisfying hum when your breasts pressed against hers. You would think for the billionth time today kissing Ellie would start to become all the same. It wasn't. Every kiss spoke something different. You don't know how she did it but you could tell this kiss was passionate, lustful, hungry. She wasn't being particularly rough or fast. Just something about the way she softly moaned into your mouth everytime you lightly scraped your nails over her bicep.

You two probably would've kissed all day long if you didn't pull away, much to the other girl's displeasure. But you hated the feeling of pruney fingers so staying in the steamy shower for an extended amount of time didn't seem appealing. But Ellie could have stayed there forever. She could have sat there and watched you run soapy studs all over your soft skin. She could have watched the way the water rinsed them down your body. She could have admired the way your tense muscles relaxed under the hot water. She could have done this for hours.

What she couldn't do for hours was keep her hands off you, especially not in this state. It crossed her mind for a moment that this might be a little much for a one night stand. She couldn't help it. Ellie has had a huge crush on you for months. Secretly pining, wishing, hoping you'd see her the same way she sees you. The small attempts she made to get closer to you. Walking you to your dorm, waiting for you after class, offering to help you study. So to finally have you in her arms right now? She was going to milk this for every last drop she could get.

The dips and curves of your back.

The droplets of water that slid down to your ass.

The tips of your fingers that danced over your shoulder and made your back muscles flex, just slightly.

It was all making Ellie fucking dizzy.

She appreciated the hum that snaked through your lips when her hands danced up your side. She figured you knew it was coming, it was quite difficult to keep her hands off you. “You just can't keep your hands off huh.” She watched your head lean to the side and grant her access to your neck. You hummed again when you felt her soft lips press against your skin and her hands meet your breast. The shower was steamy enough to have you breathing heavily but with Ellie on you? You were seeing stars.

“Can you blame me?” She continued down your nape, pressing soft kisses to your shoulder blades. Her hands traveled with her lips, moving lower and lower. Low enough to have you leaned forward, water trickling down your chin. “You can tell me to stop.” Her voice was muffled against your wet skin, drowning in the loud stream of water.

Her finger dipped between your slit, landing firmly on your clit. Some water got in your mouth as you slightly parted your lips, back arching into her touch. Her other hand left your breast, choosing to snake up to your neck to hold your jaw. “Do you want me to stop Y/n?” Her sweet whispers danced over your ear and you whined, just a little, but enough to make Ellie go mad. She wanted to watch you unravel in her hold, lose control so the only thing you can mutter would be her name and hers only.

“Say it babe.” A kiss right below your ear. “Come on, lemme hear your pretty voice say it.” God, she could have licked all the water off your body like this. With you practically begging to be touched by her and fighting a losing battle to keep your composure. She liked the way you seemed to lose it just with her words. “Tell me how you want my fingers inside you.” Shit, in a second Ellie was going to be the one begging if you didn't speak up.

“God- Ellie” A precise circle of her finger and a short whimper,

“I need your fingers in me” Two fingers slowly sliding up your walls.

“Please” And a beg. A desperate, short, perfect plea.

Ellie wanted you in her skin at this point.

She wasted no more time, almost delirious with lust, pushing you against the cold tile wall of the shower and lowering herself. Steamy water ran down your side as you steadied your leg on the tub, hand holding wherever it could so you didn't slip. The shower was small, it was a tight squeeze for sure but Ellie made it work easily.

“Right there.” She mumbled, staring at you perfectly positioned in front of her. She knew her knees were going to start hurting at some point so she noted to make this quick. This was like a proper meal to her. Kissing around you slowly, making marks on your inner thigh, letting her fingers pinch at your nipple. This was a proper meal.

And it was wild to you how fast she had you losing it. She didn't even touch you yet but the sight of her on her knees, between your thighs, kissing you so gently. Losing it was almost an understatement. Her hair was dripping wet, clinging to her skin anywhere it could. Her eyes heavy, maybe to block out the little droplets of water dampening her thick lashes. Her tongue darted out to lick her lips just once before sliding up your inner thigh like tasting a lollipop. She hooked her arm around your hip, pulling you in close and separating your folds. She kept eye contact with you as she finally tasted you. She wanted to see it.

You stifled a moan as soon as her tongue flattened against your clit but you couldn't deny the way your body practically melted into her. Your hips bucked as she continued playing with you. She only hummed and sucked at your clit harshly, granting her a rewarding moan from you.

“Oh god- El.” You trailed off, pleasure distracting you completely as her finger entered you. Dipping in smoothly before you clenched around her. It was a lot. The steamy water never ceased. The pleasure strumming to your core only got more intense. The grunts and hums Ellie was making along with your sweet moans only made you more horny. “Right there,” You whined as she thrusted her fingers quickly right after your entrance. God it felt so good- so fucking good.

Your hand found her head, cupping wet hair between your fingers. Ellie honestly felt like she was being used by you. Used to fulfil your every need and she was more than happy to oblige. With your hand on the back of her head and your hips jerking into her mouth you were basically riding her face. And Ellie was basically in heaven. Your whines, your moans, your pleas- Ellie was drinking it up like she was deprived of water for seven days. “Mm- right there- Elliepleasedontstop”

This was her favorite fucking part.

She watched you, watching her please you. Your head rolled to the side, eyes half lidded with pure ecstasy clouding your mind. Jaw dropped and your brows creased and her favorite- water trickling down your chin. Sliding down your neck. Running over your breast. Down the dips of your stomach. Right down to her face. You were like a fucking piece of art to her.

She slipped her fingers out of you and before you could protest it was stuffed in your mouth, tasting yourself on her fingers. You sucked on them for only a split second before your jaw dropped again. Ellie tongue dipped into your entrance, circling around inside you. You couldn't even form a word, only moaning loudly around her fingers. Her hand found comfort on your boob, pinching and twisting the nipple again. “God-” You swallowed a moan. “Feels so good.” It was basically gibberish at this point. It was hard to breathe honestly, speaking was hard. “Don't stop baby, please don't stop.” You whined, and whined, and begged, and moaned, anything so that she wouldn't stop.

Her hand, sadly, left your breast to circle at your clit again and you felt the climax nearing. It was so strong, so loud, so demanding. It was coming and there was nothing you could do to stop it because you were chasing it. Desperately. Your moans were loud, water running into your mouth no matter how far you tried to get away from the hot stream. She licked up your slit, making contact with your sensitive bud again as she sucked harshly. Fingers thrusting into you again but curled far inside, pulling out in a ‘C’ shape.

“Fuck Im gonna-”

There it was. The climax. An orgasm so strong you felt lightheaded. You cried out, legs shaking as pleasure overwhelmed you. But Ellie didn't stop. Of course she didn't stop. You were begging for her not to stop 30 seconds ago but now you were reeling. She continued to pleasure you and it was too much. God it was so fucking much. “Ellie!” You cried out again, hands flailing around to try to get her off but you felt a second climax nearing. You couldn't think. You couldn't pull away. You were so sensitive it almost hurt but it felt so good. You were blabbering. You knew it. You couldn't form any words other than ‘Ellie’ and ‘Please’ but they were all cut off by your own gasps and moans. And all she could do was mumble something along the lines of ‘I know baby’ which came out as incoherent as you'd expect.

This time the orgasm snuck up on you. You were literally overwhelmed with pleasure. The second climax hit you like a damn brick, making you double over as you cried out the girl's name. Ellie hummed, finally slowing to a stop. Kissing up your body till she was back at your mouth, which took a while since she couldn't stand too quickly. “You did so good, baby.” Her hands held you steady but you were still so washed over with pleasure it was like she was talking to a rag doll. “So fucking good.” She planted kisses all over your face till she finally made way to your lips. She kissed you so sweetly, just like last time. Just like she'd been doing this entire time.

Even after the shower she continued to plant sweet little kisses to your lips whenever she got the chance. So you might have started doing it too. Just a couple. One right after she got dressed. Another when she was cleaning up her breakfast mess. And she always smiled after it, dazed in a state of admiration. Because to Ellie this was literally what she always dreamed of. The shit she'd think of while she stared at the back of your head in class. If you never made a move on her at that party none of this would have happened.

“Ready to go?” Ellie grabbed her dingy lanyard, holding her keys and other miscellaneous things. Truth was neither one of you guys were ready to end this but it needed to happen. You only nodded and followed her out the door. As soon as she locked it she turned and opened her hand out for you, almost as though it was her final act. You gladly took it though, a smile stretching across your face.

“Did you study for Professor Eugene's test?” You asked.

“No, do you want to study together later?” She opened the passenger door for you. You only furrowed your brows as you thought about it. There's no way you can be okay with just letting this go. She loaded into the car after you, turning it on and getting comfortable before looking over to you, cute grin plastered on her face.

“Ellie, do you do this for all your one night stands? Because if you do, I think I might go crazy.” You chuckled, maybe more nervous than you'd care to admit and she only stared at you for a second.

“No, I don't.” Her voice was soft, barely there, scared even and she started fiddling with her hands, avoiding eye contact with you.

“You don't?”

“No, it's weird with you. It's like everytime I look at you my brain just goes blank.” She finally made eye contact with you again, her brows creased and face flushed red. “Feels like I'm going crazy.”

There's no fucking way this is happening right now.

“Well if you're saying what I think you're saying then, I like you a lot too.” You giggled and she smiled so wide it crinkled the corners of her eyes. You two just stared at each other for a second, admiring one another's goofy smiles. She leaned in just slightly and your hand flew over to her jaw, pulling her into your lips. This kiss said ‘I want to stay with you more than anything’. It was steady, reassuring, delicate. It was a kiss that expressed how you both have been longing for each other. You could absolutely get used to this. These kisses meant everything to you. She meant everything to you.

“We have to work on that god awful cooking though.”

“It wasn't that bad.”

y'all y'all y'all i don't think you understand the way these kissing scenes have a HOLD ON ME. “so beautiful baby.” i didn't stop thinking about it for DAYS after i wrote it. this- omg- this is honest to god my favorite thing ive ever wrote THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING!!! I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH <333

#ellie williams x reader #ellie tlou #ellie williams #ellie tlou2 #the last of us #the last of us x reader #tlou #tlou2

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bogleech · 10 months

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In 2010 I illustrated the party game "Chimera Isle," by Kevin Lanzing which randomizes creatures from heads, bodies and tails, but for both convenience and fun I drew them together as complete creatures that would be split apart later, based on simple lists the creator sent me for "attributes" he wanted in the game; like a card that would make a creature the fastest, or the tallest, or a grazer or a scavenger. The game went through some rules changes by the time it was released, and my real-life friends felt the unreleased beta rules were the easiest and most fun. For $10 patreon patrons I've uploaded a zip of all the creatures in high resolution, an extensive text file detailing my conceptual rationale, and a PDF of what those original gameplay rules were like, but I'll also include a little bit of the art stuff right here:

"GRASS EATER head," "JUMPING body," "DEXTROUS" tail: Lanzing really liked my first concept for a grazer head, a goatlike animal with a lawnmower-like trunk. I reused his concept of spring-shaped legs for the "jumping" body, and then I assigned "dextrousness" as a tail piece with a cluster of tentacles, wielding a spear. I guess most people would expect dextrousness to be tied to the torso limbs, but this was approved for being unexpected and fun.

"SCAVENGER" head, "FLIGHT" body, "FASTEST" tail: for a scavenging creature I went all out with my personal tastes, making a vulture head that's also a fly head that's also a coiling earthworm, so the all-purpose "flight" body card became condor-like. Lanzing didn't assign attributes to body parts for me, but let me decide what should be what, so I made the "fastest" attribute a tail piece and designed it like a many-finned shark. This originally had a rocket jet on the end, but we changed it to a propeller because we already had a different fire-spewing tail.

"SENSE OF SMELL" head, "SOCIAL" body, "SYMBIOTIC" tail: for sense of smell I designed a bison-like head with a huge, comical nose on the end of a little trunk and no visible eyes. Kevin's notes also included "SOCIAL" and "SYMBIOTIC" as two different attributes he wanted in the game, and they were the most fun to think of ideas for. I assigned "social" to a body card, and I drew it so whatever head card you drew, it would end in a little round rump with legs, with the rest of the body card featuring a band of different creatures: a little piglike thing, a flying eyeball, and a stalk-eyed flightless bird who leads into whatever tail card you drew. I then assigned "symbiotic" to a tail card resembling a tree branch with a little weird bird perched on it, and I decided to draw these three attributes together so they'd be a whole pack of creatures relying on a blind leader who sniffs out the food. Again these "original combinations" wouldn't be seen by players, so they're just my own internal behind-the-scenes combos. I didn't include the following in the patreon file but if you're having a hard time picturing it here's how the Symbiosis Body card looks on its own, like all body cards still lining up with any possible head and tail:

In retrospect, we settled on pretty bad background colors, the cool grey way too close to the dull green template of the creatures, especially given that they were done without any lineart. Should have gone with totally white backgrounds, but we thought that looked too cheap!

You can still buy chimera isle on the gamecrafter here, but I don't get royalties or anything, it was all one big commission, which did prove to be more money than I would have made off its sales!

#art

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gurinpotte · 4 months

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let's talk process!

Bellow is a video of my latest thg art! I think I never shared video on here, so I thought I'd give it a go!

I wish this was a reblog of the original post but tumblr didn't let me. So here we are! I felt like talking a bit more about this piece because it was so good to make it. I am actually proud of how it turned out! The impression of depth works well enough and the lighting too, which made me very happy - happy to be able to give Katniss and Rue this sweet moment in such a dark story. I can't recall if this exact scene happens in the book, but it must be similar enough.

Still figuring out My Katniss. That's not exactly how I want to draw her. But a victory here is that she looks like an actual teen - something I struggle with tbh hehe. Little Rue is not exactly how I see her as well, but I love to see her sleeping peacefully like this with someone taking care of her.

This just......sprung up in my brain as listened to thg yet again because i have brainrot and need to be constantly entertained to be able to work lately. And it broke my heart and mended it continuously. Rue is so little and innocent, and even if she wasn't reaped, she already had a miserable and exploited life in district 11. That's so unfair. And the way Katniss stood by her, gave her the most she could, told her she was strong, lifted her up in the short period the two had together - makes me love them so much. Makes me love Katniss very much! This girl dared to > LOVE <. I guess that's the heart of this illustration, the daring to love in the direst circumstances.

As for the makings ofs its. T'was made on procreate with a funny little brush named quoll. Very ill tempered. But very beautiful watercolor look. I did have to do it in layers of color to get it right, which is also very watercolor-like. The thing to make it look like people are LAYING DOWN is to draw their faces as seen slightly from below. Does the trick every time. Now for the ground, I think it's the blue that gives the depth, and the lack of detail. The unfocused leaves gave me a bit of a hard time, hard to figure out their color and lighting. Even drew focused leaves. I very much lack the processing power do draw leaves and flowers and complex things. But we manage! Just keep arting and you'll manage.

#thg art #katniss everdeen #thg rue #the hunger games #gurin illustrates thg #gurin talks #art process #procreate #long post

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insertsomthinawesome · 3 months

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Sorry if this doesn’t make sense but how do you… art? Like from looking at your art, there’s just so many different fandoms and it’s all fantastic!! How do you not stick to one or feel like you *have* to stick to one? Sorry

Aw Friend! No need to apologize! :D You asked your question plenty politely! That's a really interesting question actually, and I'm fascinated to be asked it! Because I actually do know the kinda thing you're talking about! or at least I have experiences that feel like they line up with what you're asking. A lot of its... growing up? I guess? And not in the sense of like. becoming an adult. but the non-stop process of growing and learning more about life. When I was younger, an actual child, I just Did it. I drew whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I didn't question hoping to a new interest or drawing different fandoms. I just did it. But the older you get the more complicated a lot of things get right? 😔 That was true for me.

I actually spent several years terrified, of moving on. Of leaving old fandoms behind. There was one fandom I actually forced myself not to leave for like... 2 years? Because I was afraid of all the projects I wouldn't complete, all the stories I wouldn't tell, all the art i wouldn't make. But honestly that was a horrible decision? It burnt me out of the specific fandom SO BADLY. Its only been around this last year that I've been able to enjoy things around it again without an overhanging shadow of stress.

I was still scared to fandom hop after that incident tho. Despite having gotten burned by caving to my own fears. It wasn't until I got into Trigun that I actually started to get less scared. A friend I met in that fandom, someone who was older than me, told me that... things have a way of coming back around. If you know the song "Everything Stays" From Adventure time? She said it was like that song. You will inevitably get older. But these things won't be gone. And you can always come back to them :) That clicked in my brain... and it took a bit longer, a bit more time of accepting that fact for me to find peace... but honestly? I kinda have now. At least for this moment in time. I wouldn't be surprised if the fear comes back around again, fear is funny and insidious like that. But I have the tools to beat it now :) The other two things I would mention are these: For starters: this might be obvious? But I'm a hobbyist artist. I don't make money off of my art, I don't sell it, I don't need numbers or clout in order to pay my bills. I'm completely free to do my own thing! Ain't nothing wrong with making a living off of your artwork and if that's the path that you want to walk GO FOR IT. But that path does have its own challenges. Because I don't walk that path, I am free to make whatever I want, without worrying about how it might reflect on my finances. The other thing is...

PERFECTIONISM...

THIS, NASTY LITTLE VILE COCKROACH, WILL RUIN YOUR ART LIFE SO BADLY ITS INSANE. It will ruin your NORMAL life super fast too 😔 it is an insidious little shoulder devil telling you, that you will be happier if you just do it the "perfect" way. IT IS SO SO SO SO SO SO WRONG. That is the key to the door of endless procrastination and broken dreams. SFLJSLF to get less metaphorical about it though: If you're always waiting for the perfect moment to make art for a fandom, to leave a fandom, to join a fandom (in this case i just mean "Get into the thing that interests you" when I say "Fandom") or create literally anything, you will be waiting forever. I know because i have been :') And its made it very hard to draw both in my past, and right now this very day.

Truthfully i'm still working on that one??? I've had some epiphanies recently that have helped a lot with my perfectionism... but I haven't tried drawing since having them? (drowning in the new Honkai Star Rail Patch WHEEZE) So uh. Not sure If I'm over that hill yet xD But yeah, if that's one piece of advice i could give you to take seriously, its don't chase perfection, in ANYTHING. Especially art. It will never be enough for you. And if you're doing it for other people, it will never be enough for them. Art is wonderful and messy, and human. And that is okay.

Its taken me a lot of soul diving and thinking and a lot of help from outside influence and kind people for me to figure this stuff out too. So don't feel bad to ask for help kay? We all need help. A lot xD I'm still not like, the king this stuff either. There are a lot of smaller, more niche, fandoms, I want to draw for, but still haven't, because of my own anxiety and embarrassment. There are fandoms I haven't drawn for because I don't feel like i have the adequate amount of information to be, ""allowed"" too (which is totally a fake standard btw, there is no barrier to entry for when you're "allowed" to draw something). I'm working on these problems every day.

Oh actually one last note: People can influence how hard it is for you to draw for a bunch of fandoms too. If you know you'll get made fun of for drawing something, its hard to draw. If you know you'll get praised for drawing something, sometimes that makes it easier to draw. Both of those things can mess you up BAD. Constantly drawing for other people (when its not a deliberate gift) can make you feel really upset and angry, and dissonant with your artwork.

But it can be equally as hard to realize nobody will share your enthusiasm if you don't draw what they like. That's not a judgement against anybody's friendships, we all got our own interests, and nobody can be 100% Invested in everything their friends enjoy. But It can make it a bit more emotionally challenging sometimes. And it can be hard to like?? Emotionally deal with that? in a way it makes art that you know will perform well, either with your friend group or online, like... "Candy". Its tastes good, but it doesn't give you long term energy (ie there's nothing wrong with it, but its not sustainable as your only form of sustenance) Meanwhile making art that is purely self indulgent is like eating a full and healthy meal. It gives you that long term energy of personal satisfaction, and your enjoyment and happiness also doesn't inherently hinge on whether or not other people appreciate it like you do. Obviously there's no issue if what you genuinely want to draw would also do well online/with your friends!

ANYWAYS, yeah, I'm still maturing and learning and growing with a lot of my opinions and perspectives and emotions on this stuff? Its definitely easier said than done, and while from the outside it looks effortless... I understand why you'd be struggling anon. I hope you can figure it out for yourself too! Best of luck :D also i could go on and on and on about this topic for years because alsjdfaksjdflJSDJGSD ooohhhhhhh boy I have learned and witnessed and thought many a thunk.

#isa screams #ask #anonymous #long post #I hope this helps you out anon? I'm not offended if it doesn't tho asldfjLKSJGSD #For all i know i completely misunderstood your question xD

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