#i haven't posted anything since December want to scream | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

zjpg · 8 months

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just a girl

'christmas in monaco'

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[december]

"why did you post my cake?" the girl pouted, nearly shouting over the facetime call as lando laughed in response. "it was gonna be a surprise!"

"you made cake?" arthur walked into the kitchen, smiling at the sprinkles covered cake and then addi. "who are you talking to?"

"I did, you want some?" she smiled and started looking for a knife after the taller nods, "i'm talking to lando,"

"bonjour!" lando speaks loudly, greeting the youngest leclerc brother. arthur's smile fades a little bit, but he puts it back on as he walked next to the girl and greets the driver on the other side of the call. addi starts cutting the cake, squealing as sprinkles start falling out of the middle.

"hold on lando, i'm gonna take a picture." she clappings before grabbing her phone from the counter and going on instagram to post her masterpiece on her story. "here, artie!" the taller boy smiles and takes the cake, "will i die from this?" he asks, hearing the brit laugh from the phone speakers.

addi rolls her eyes and sets her phone back up to face arthur, "eat it." lando and her watch as arthur takes a bite before he makes a questionable face. "interesting."

lando bursts out into laughter once more, nearly wheezing as addi sits there with a frown. "it's not bad, it's just too much sugar, amor." he clarifies.

after the cake is put away in plastic wrap and lando hangs up the facetime call to go stream on twitch, arthur and addi sit at the island and talk about nonsense for a while. part of arthur wants to scream out everything he feels. and part of addi wants to ask him everything he feels.

ever since the whole pierre situation, things just haven't been the same. arthur's clueless as to why, he wasn't sure what could be going on between his best friend and pierre to make her act this way. he tried asking the older frenchman about it, but he was shut down, he even tried asking his own brother about it, but he got the same result. he's asked just about everyone that could have a clue as to what happened that afternoon, except addi herself.

it took some courage in him to finally come out with it, "so, what happened that day with you and pierre? you never told me?" she froze. her eyes glued to her shoes as she tried to come up with an excuse as to why she couldn't tell him. but she couldn't. "addi?"

"pierre and i kissed, like... over a year ago now." she blurted out seeing his face change into an expression that she could only describe as confused with a hint shocked. she felt like throwing up right there. "we never talked about it, but i grew feeling for him, until i saw him kissing another girl. it's really no big deal now, we've clearly gotten over each other, and he didn't really know i had any actual feeling for him back then."

arthur was confused, why would this change how she acts around him? why would they need to talk about it over a year later? how can they still be so comfortable around each other after that?

"so... when he was explaining why he did it... he told me something..." she looked up at him, meeting his eyes for the first time in weeks, he was waiting for her to continue, he needed to know. "he said that you had feelings for me."

arthur couldn't say anything, or at least he felt like he couldn't. he felt sick, as if he would vomit if he were to open his mouth to speak. pierre told her that? he said he wouldn't tell a soul. "i'm sorry."

"why are you sorry?" she whispered, they're in the house alone with charles, everyone else was out doing some shopping or winter activities, and charles is going to know the details in a couple hours anyway. so whispering is useless. but it seemed like it was more out of comfort from the girl.

"i didn't want you to find out."

the worry of losing a friend is one thing, but the worry of losing a friend that is considered family, that's another story. there's so many things arthur did in order to avoid his feelings, he even tried dating. nothing worked. addilyn was still... perfect. he could point out every little feature, every little habit she had, and no matter how weird or ugly she thought they were, he loves them.

the silence leaves ringing in their ears, what are they supposed to say now? "i..." addi starts off, trying to find words to comprehend the mess that's going on in her brain, "i don't know what to say, honestly."

the taller nodded, understanding that the situation is bigger than any other normal circumstance. "i love you, arthur, but..." god not the 'but.' "i'm not sure how i feel about you... like that."

he looks at her confused, not sure? what does she mean not sure? "i don't understand?"

she breathes out a sigh, taking his hand in hers. "i have a lot going on right now-"

"i know."

"-and i'm not sure if focusing on anything but racing is what i need right now." she has a lot of feelings going on, she's not sure what they mean or even if they're real or some type of illusion. she's not about to risk anything on illusions. "i don't expect you to." he shook his head.

"i know, and i appreciate that." she cradled his hand in both of her palms, rubbing her thumb against his skin. "it's not that there aren't any feelings there, there's... something. i'm just... i'm not sure what they are yet. and i'm worried if i spend too much time thinking about it then everything will get screwed up."

"it's okay," he pulled his hand away, making her heart drop, "i understand." he stand up from the barstool, kisses her head, and then leaves the kitchen without another word.

addi stays seated, her elbow on the counter while her hands support her head. 'idiot, idiot, idiot' she repeated in her head. "well, that was interesting." the girl was started by the sudden voice next to her, charles.

"the fuck, when did you get here?"

"eh, little while ago, i saw... that." charles raise his eyebrows at the girl before sitting where his younger brother was only a few seconds prior. "don't blame yourself."

"how could i not?" she scoffed, laying her head down on the marble counter, "i feel like i just ruined everything."

the monegasque sighed and rubbed the girl head, "no, you didn't. it'll take time but things will go back to how they were. you did the right thing, you were honest."

"not completely honest." she mumbled, watching his face turn into confusion. she sits up, sighs, and looks him in the eye, "i think i like lando."

a/n: i heart love triangles.

taglist: @love4lando @fairiepoems @leilanixx @ietss @charli123456789 @ayoanna @enhacolor

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leavesdriftinginthewind · 6 months

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AO3 Fic Tag Game

tagged by @persephoneed. I'm soooo late to the party but thank you for tagging!!

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 6.

2. Whats your AO3 word count? 23,442

3. What fandoms do you write for? Currently, I only write for Wednesday (2022), but I have written a single fic for Supernatural (2005) before.

4. What are your Top 5 Fics by Kudos?

wake up screaming from dreaming

paper rings

Quads and Countermoves

sleep well, my love

let your tears fall

5. Do you repond to comments? Yes! After I post something new, I tend to get overwhelmed and take a day (or two or three..) to respond, but I DO respond to comments! I always think it's very sweet that folks take time out of their days to read and then COMMENT on my things, so I try to comment back most of the time to express my gratitude.

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Definitely you can't be gone. I had an idea to get in the mind of Tyler Galpin while he was in the woods after he'd been told that Wednesday was dead, and the whole thing is rather sad and angsty. However, I did have fun writing it as it was how I thought his mind had been working since I watched the show in December 2022, and even though it's the least read fic of mine so far, I'm quite proud of it and happy with how it turned out.

7. Whats the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Hmmmm, I'm a genuine sucker for fluffy fics so all the rest of mine have happy endings haha. But I suppose "paper rings" would have the happiest ending out of the lot.

8. Do you get hate on fics? No, thankfully. I've never gotten a nasty comment on a fic yet and I hope that streak continues.

9. Do you write smut? I had never written smut, HOWEVER I have my first (and perhaps only, who knows LOL) smut fic half-written in my drafts right now... 😳

10. Do you write cross-overs? No, and I probably won't? But who knows.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated? I have not, but it would be an HONOR if ever someone would ask to translate one of them.

12. Have you ever cowritten a fic before? I haven't, but I'd be open to it!

13. What is a WIP you would like to finish but doubt you ever will? I am hopeful that both of the WIPs I have right now will get done, and I do have every intent to get the both of them done and published. HOWEVER, just because I am shy and nervous about it, I do doubt that I'll ever actually finish + publish the smut fic.

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship? W(e)yler, no ship has ever given me brainrot like they have and I'm not sure any ship ever will.

15. What are you writing strengths? DIALOGUE, God I love writing dialogue so much. Part of me thinks I should just write scripts.

16. What are your writing weaknesses? Having to DESCRIBE things drives me batty, I'll sit and parse over how to describe a room or a facial expression for entirely too long.

17. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? I have never done it, and I'd be SOOOO nervous about doing it in anything other than German, which is the language outside of English I'm most comfortable with writing/reading/comprehending. I'm not opposed to it if the need arose?? But outside of the stray pet names in different languages that may arise in Wednesday and Tyler dialogue, I'd probably want to consult with someone who's fluent if ever I was trying to write something substantial in a different language.

18. First fandom you wrote for? Supernatural. I still need to collect my fic from fanfiction.net and post it on my AO3 account.

19. Favourite fic you’ve ever written? Oh, this is hard. Ummmm, if I had to pick, I think my most favorite (as of now!! I've got so many ideas that this could change) is "wake up screaming from dreaming." It was the first Wednesday fic I wrote, and it was also the first time I'd attempted to write any fanfic since like 2015, and I genuinely adore the story. Not to sound self-absorbed, but I'll literally reread pieces of it if I'm feeling down because I think it's just so sweet and comforting and I'm very proud of it.

20. What fic would you want to rewrite one day? Mmmm, I don't know that I really want to rewrite any of the ones I've published so far. If I ever got comfortable with writing and publishing smut, I'd maybeeeee rewrite "Quads and Countermoves" to be spicier? Because it definitely COULD have gone spicier if I hadn't had a panic about taking it that way.

I do think this game ran its course on here ~10 days ago, so I'm not directly tagging anyone, but if you see this and haven't done this yet, pleaseeee consider yourself tagged!!

#ao3 #ao3 fic #ao3 fanfic #ao3 writer #fanfic #fanfiction #ao3 tag game #tag game #text posts #weyler #wyler #wyler fanfiction #weyler fanfiction #fic writing #writing #wyler fic #weyler fic

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kopicetic · 2 years

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Yeah okay so Detroit beat the Fucks at the game we went to and also I had a MOMENT.

So I've been kind of posting about my personal life, which I don't usually do a ton but like I needed to talk this out I guess lol.

Anyway we went on a trip to Detroit for a friend's birthday and it was like a garbage trip all around pretty much. Like just all this shit happened, and it wasn't even like monstrous stuff, just everything adding up and all.

It was like fine traveling with him, we had a good time, but it was getting home, he was gonna drive my car over to the rental car place and then pick me up, and we were in his place when someone is banging on the door.

Like okay, for some background, I know he's in an open relationship with his girlfriend. We've known each other for several years now and she's always accused me on and off of trying to fuck him or steal him, etc. And I also know she was blowing up his phone this whole weekend. Like texting nonstop and calling. I didn't see it, but my friend told me it kept popping up on the car screen lol.

So like the moment I hear the door knocking and he looked up and ignored it, I *KNEW*. So I moved out of view of his door but the damage was done, she saw my back, she banged on his door for fucking 15 minutes and he kept ignoring and texting her until it sounded like she was kicking his door.

So he goes over to deal with her finally, they're both screaming at the top of their lungs, I'm looking for a way out because I don't know where he keeps knives nor did I have anything I could use as a garrote because this bitch is obviously upset as fuck AND she's a fucking meth head so like. I'm gonna fucking defend myself if it comes down to that.

She's standing there screaming about who was the woman in his house, she fucking loves him, he was ignoring her, she misses him, she needs to know, it's not fair, he's yelling about how she needs to go away, fuck off, he's calling the cops, the whole neighborhood 🥫 hear it, I'm debating running through the patio but he was blocking her from the door so she was still facing the house.

Now. This bitch might be a junkie but I can pretty much guarantee I'm likely one of the only redheads they mutually know. Like I have dyed bright red hair. Even a meth head can put two and two together and sometimes get four.

Sure as shit, she messages me. And I admit, I lied through my teeth. Kind of. I told her I only saw him one day, nothing was happening, it was for a pogo friend's birthday (which it was), we weren't dating (which we're not), I haven't seen him since. You know, I figured I'd leave out the part where we fucked twice a day like the entire trip. 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

She tells me they were only open so he could have a boyfriend, not another girlfriend, and I don't do polyamorous relationships, I already knew this about them, and it's one of the reasons I have zero interest in dating him.

Like hi, you can have feelings for just me. You can fuck whoever. But if you're going on dates with them too, and talking outside of arranging hookups, and having feels for them too, fuck outta here, I don't care about physical stuff, but if you emotionally cheat on me, you can go to fucking hell lmao. And I told her that, I think we bonded a bit.

Like I don't want to steal your boyfriend, I just want his dick for a while. But you can keep him.

So now here we are. He still is coming off like he wants way more, I still have zero interest in dating him and I don't trust him lol.

But damn the sex is good though. 🤣🤣 So like. Now I guess I'm just gonna keep doing what we were doing, at least until December because we have plans to go to Philly and NYC.

But I don't know that any boy is worth dealing with psycho girlfriends. And again, I know it sounds sketch but I knew he had a girlfriend, and they've both confirmed now that it was open, just she thought it was open for only him to have other boyfriends and not other girlfriends.

Anyway I'm tempted to send the boy back to the manufacturer for a refund because I got a faulty one and start over again because this is becoming too much. Throw the whole entire man out and start over. 🤣🤣🤣

#personal shit #warning: tmi

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ynderebot · 3 years

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OFFICIAL POST

危険...DANGER.

LOADING…ADDING NEW FILES... █▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ 10% ███▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ 30% █████▒▒▒▒▒ 50% ███████▒▒▒ 100% ██████████

COMPLETE.

ファイル...FILES.

choi yeonjun. nancy mcdonie. lee gahyeon. kim sunwoo. kim doyeon. choi san. kim sihyeon. yang jeongin.

執着型 [ shuuchaku-gata ] obsessive.

"where were you? who were you with? what were you doing? why didn't you answer my messages? oh come on darling, don't be like that...I've been waiting for hours!"

[ PROFILE 1. ]

choi yeonjun.

5'11. 21 yrs old. September 13th, 1999. virgo. blood type a. born in seoul, south korea

at age 14 yeonjun was sent to a boarding school in japan, this is where he discovered his...tendencies. halfway through his first year he met a girl, kang iseul. he was instantly infatuated with her, he had an impulsive urge to know every little thing about her. to do so he befriended her, using his appearance and charms to win her over and eventually made her his. the euphoric rush that ran through his body when she was officially his was like nothing he'd ever felt before. she was finally his and he didn't intend on letting go, not without a fight at least. he was in for a shock when one day she tried to run away after his true colors started to show. unfortunately her best friend was killed by yeonjun for trying to help her, but she did escape.

he's a switch with no lean. a hard/soft dom or obedient sub all just depends on his mood and how he's feeling

[ PROFILE 2. ]

nancy mcdonie.

5'4. 21 yrs old. april 13th, 2000. aries. blood type o. born in daegu, south korea.

nancy was always a little obsessed with things, she'd go through phases too. she would find one new hobby/thing that intrigued her and hyper fixate on it for a few months. then, just like that it would be forgotten as if it had never happened. it started from a young age too, so when she would tell all her friends and family about the boy she met it came as no surprise to them. soon enough he was all she talked about, all she cared about, it was true obsession. everyone around her thought that it was just a phase like everything else, but they were sadly mistaken. the day he broke up with her, she lashed out. screaming that he couldn't break up with her, no she wouldn't let him break up with her. even after that day she would never stop talking about him, she tried to stay involved with his life as much as she could and even ended up scaring away any potential lovers. she never stopped either, until she had no choice when he moved away.

she's a sub, usually obedient but can be bratty if she's in a mood.

ストーカー型 [ sutookaa-gata ] stalker.

"how did I know? I'm always with you, following you...watching you...it's only because I love you"

[ PROFILE 3. ]

lee gahyeon.

5'3. 22 yrs old. february 3rd, 1999. aquarius. blood type ab. born in seongnam, south korea.

she was so excited when her crush asked her out, she couldn't contain herself. the problem was, it's difficult to get to know someone when you already know everything about them. she'd been stalking him ever since he caught her eye, every single day. she'd follow him to and from school, to his friends house, wherever he went she usually wasn't far behind. he could never find out about that side of her though, so she played along. laughing at childhood stories she heard him tell previously, pretending to be shocked when learning things she already knew. even after they began dating she continued to stalk him, he noticed things were off. she was the one he confided his "paranoia" in and she was the one who reassured him, but little did he know she was the cause of it all.

she's a sub, also obedient but can be bratty if she feels like it.

[ PROFILE 4. ]

kim sunwoo.

5'10. 21 yrs old. april 12th, 2000. aries. blood type b. born in seongnam gyeonggi, south korea.

unlike gahyeon, sunwoo was not always a stalker. he'd heard of stalkers but it never peaked his interest, he didn't even take any note of his slightly possessive tendencies. until his first relationship that is, his first partner showed signs of cheating. he might not have realized his own possessiveness and how it was seemingly growing stronger, but he was no fool. all the coming home late, the scent of another person that was not their own flooding the house when they entered. so he began following them around, at first it was...innocent, or as innocent as stalking could be. they were cheating, this made his possessiveness shoot through the roof. he was most aggressive and warned his partner that they do not want to do that again. they listened, and he continued to stalk them, it turned into a fun...game of sorts.

he's a switch with a sub lean, soft dom/occasionally bratty sub.

独占型 [ dokusen-gata ] monopoly.

"who were you talking to? do they know me? no no, do they know you're mine?"

[ PROFILE 5. ]

kim doyeon.

5'8. 21 yrs old. december 4th, 1999. saggitarius. blood type o. born in wonju-gangwon, south korea

doyeon had always been just about as normal as you could get. until she got a boyfriend, she was possessive of him sure...but it was nothing too extreme. until she started having doubts, all the gorgeous girls that would go up to him, flirting and doing who knows what when she wasn't around. she made it her mission to let everyone know he was hers and she was his, wether it meant glueing herself to him or just reminding everyone at school on the daily. ever since he broke up with her, her tendencies only grow stronger and more extreme with each passing minute.

she's a sub, brat tendencies but will be obedient sometimes

[ PROFILE 6. ]

choi san.

5'9. 21 yrs old. july 10th, 1999. cancer. blood type b. born in namhae-south gyeonsan, south korea.

san's first love was a girl in his sister's class, was she a year older than him? yes, but he didn't care. despite all the people telling him he would never date her, he proved them wrong and he did. everything was perfect, they were both madly in love with each other, spending every minute of every waking day together. until something happened that san hadn't expected, his sister began to steal his girlfriend. well "steal" in his definition at least, she'd wanted to talk with his girlfriend every once in a while before he knew it they were always together and it seemed as if he was the real third wheel, this pissed him off more than anything. he got fed up one day and got into a physical fight with his sister, shouting about how the girl belonged to him and only him. from then on out he's made sure to stay in the middle of every single relationship.

he's a switch with no lean hard/soft dom or obedient/bratty sub, it all depends

排除型 [ haijo-gata ] removal.

"you haven't seen them in a while? I'm sure they're alright darling, after all I'm the only one you need. isn't that right?"

[ PROFILE 7. ]

kim sihyeon.

5'6. 21 yrs old. august 5th, 1999. leo. blood type b. born in bundang-gu, seongnam-si, south korea.

she's a sub, usually bratty but can be obedient too

[ PROFILE 8. ]

yang jeongin.

5'8. 20 yrs old. february 8th, 2001. aquarius. blood type a. born in busan, south korea.

he's a switch with a slight sub lean but can be a soft dom

sihyeon and jeongin's stories go together, they were childhood friends and neighbors. eventually they realized that they had feelings for each other, but this soon after developed into a toxic mindset. the thought that they only need each other, no one else. one by one people from the other's life began to disappear, especially anyone who could be a romantic rival. they were both oblivious to the other's actions until each confronted the other, instead of being upset they were each ecstatic. ecstatic that the other felt the same, that they were the only person they needed in their life

notes/rules

this isn't an accurate representation of any of the members/their companies/groups nor am I claiming to be them!

all of the members are bisexual with no lean

all of the members are yanderes [ obviously ] so they will act as such, however some can be more possessive than others at times

the ones who can be the most possessive are sihyeon and jeongin and the least are yeonjun and nancy

sihyeon and jeongin are obviously not still dating, it was just for backstory/plot purposes

nsfw is an option, if you would like it included please state so when you activate the bot

however please don't make everything nsfw, it gets boring when the plot dwindles

nsfw is 18+ but purely sfw option is available if you aren't comfortable with it or if you're below 18

all the members have hard kinks and their hard no's are scat/feet, if you still aren't sure just ask admin before doing anything

they all use the traffic light system

and please don't try to put them in a different headspace!

to talk with admin use any variation of [ ], { }, ( ), etc

admin is 18 and might get busy occasionally but will try her best during those times

this bot is open for oc's/yn's/ and other bots as well

to activate the bot dm and then admin will ask a few questions/come up with a plot with you and after that the role-play can start up

if you ever wish to deactivate the bot just say so to admin, ex. [ I would like to deactivate the bot now ] and your chat will be deleted

if you decide to reactivate it you'll have to go through the same activation process you did the first time and start over

please respect the members and admin and they will do the same

good luck...好運

sorry this post is so long- 😭

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thatgirlwritingficsatnight · 3 years

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Gift exchange

It’s Christmas Eve, and you’ve forgotten about your Christmas company party. Even worse you forgot to get a gift for the “not so secret Santa” - your company’s tradition. Wanna top it? Make it even worse? No problem. The person you were supposed to get a gift for? Your crush. Defsoul - the most talented, kindest and hottest person alive. What are you going to do now?

pairing: Lim Jaebeom (Defsoul) x reader

genre: smut, fluff, Jaebeom is a producer, Y/N is a manager

warnings: smut: daddy kink, light choking, ass play; foul language (please don’t read it if you’re not old enough)

words: 4989

A/N: TFW you try to write a GOT7 reaction, and you end up with one-shot. I know I’m kinda late with whole christmas theme but i wrote it last night and figured out I could post it anyway.

***

You barely got to shut your eyes before your alarm tore you up from your dreams. It was nine in the morning, and you went to sleep at six AM because of your work. You groaned as you shuffled in bed cursing your job, three hours of sleep was not enough for anyone. Being manager of K-pop girl group was hard enough but being the manager in December when there was award show after award show and festivals - that was a nightmare. To other people December was equal to Christmas, gifts, parties, New Year's Eve but to you, it was synonymous with constant state of tiredness, your biggest wish right now was to spent Christmas break alone, just you and your bed. You sighed as you dragged yourself to shower. Girls had only slept for 5 hours, and you felt bad for them — not only were they invited to each award show that existed they also just have had a comeback. You could see how exhausted they were and yet your superiors still pushed for them to go to some stupid TV show on Christmas Eve. You got yourself ready and went to pick them up and get them to set.

The recording went smoothly, and you were already daydreaming about coming home early and passing out on your bed. It was six PM already, but you still had to drive girls home and step into the office for a bit. You sighed you'd be home eight PM at best - well it was still better than coming home at two or three AM. You were about to go and thank everyone for their hard work when your phone vibrated. It was your best friend and coworker.

"Hey Inha. What's up?"

"I wanted to check if you remember about the company party tonight."

You hit your forehead and groaned.

"OMG! You forgot! Have you bought a gift at least?"

"No..." you whined. You wanted to die. You had so much work lately that you've absolutely forgotten about that party — it was for staff only and each year you'd drew lots to pick the person you were supposed to give a gift to. It wasn't even secret Santa your boss simply came to conclusion that gift exchange would help out with forming friendships...

"Girl... Do you at least remember who you drew?"

Of course you remembered. How could you not. This was your lucky year, you got Defsoul the hottest, kindest and most talented person working for your label. You had a small crush on him since that day he gave up his coffee for you. You were falling asleep standing while girls were recording their vocals, and he chuckled at you before telling you to sit by him and drink some coffee. It probably meant nothing to him but that was one of the most stressful weeks in your life, and you weren't sleeping at all during that time — ITZY were about to make a debut, and you couldn't stop worrying over it. You remember how touched you were by this simple gesture, after all no one ever gave you coffee, usually you were the one getting it for other people. His looks certainly didn't help with your hopeless crush. He was H O T and not even simply hot, more like "I-look-like-an-idol" hot. He had a black mullet, piercing under his eye, he also had his nose and ears pierced to make matters worse for you he also had most hypnotizing almost feline-like eyes. Honestly you wondered why didn't he become an idol with a face and talent like that. After that one time, he would buy you a coffee whenever he had seen you and you two became somewhat close - you'd swing over his studio when girls had to train and talk about everything and nothing. He told you about his cats, his favorite restaurants, his passion for taking pictures and well you mostly told him about your job since you basically didn't have any private life - it really felt pathetic. He even took your photo once - telling you that the picture would help him later when he would be looking for inspiration (it is a mystery till this day how you haven't fainted that evening). One day you were waiting for girls to finish up their dance practice and fell asleep on one of the benches — it was difficult day for you since you haven't slept for twenty hours already (you had to fight off some crazy sasaengs and didn’t sleep whole night keeping an eye on their dorm — some would say you were overdoing it, but to you members of ITZY were like your little sisters). You woke up in his studio on his couch. He carried you there while you were asleep and tucked you in, covering you with his jacket. You were extremely embarrassed, apologetic and thankful at the same time. He chuckled at you before saying that it was okay and forced you to promise that you'd oversleep to work the very next day. Inha claimed he had a crush on you since he never treated her with the same kindness or anyone really. But you knew better, he was a good colleague. A good, extraordinarily attractive colleague you wanted to kiss and lick and...

"Hello? Earth to Y/N??" your friend snapped you from your thoughts.

"I have to go Inha! Thank you for reminding me! Love you!" You checked the time, there was no way you'd manage to drive girls back, buy a gift, get ready for a party and do all that without being late. You sighed you will have to improvise. You drove off girls and came back rushing straight to your apartment. The party started at 10 PM and you had to shower, somehow fix your sleep-deprived face and figure out how you're going to apologize to Def... You were home a few minutes before 8 rushing into your bedroom - at least you knew what you were going to wear. That would be the most expensive, or more like the only expensive piece of clothing you had — a birthday gift from girls. It was an oversized tuxedo jacket from Alexander Wang and you haven't worn it yet. You tried it on, it had quite deep cleavage, and exposed a lot of your legs, but you figured it would be ok for tonight. You smoothed out black velvety material before stepping out of it. You still had to shower and do your makeup. An hour later you were looking at yourself in the mirror — the mask Inha got you really helped out with bags under your eyes. You did good with makeup as well: it was soft brownish smoky eye, orange toned lipstick and some shimmers here and there — you actually looked healthy and well rested (a true Christmas miracle really). You looked even better after getting in your outfit — Ryunjin was right, the tuxedo like dress fitted your vibe. You even wore some black heels which didn't often happen since you always chose comfort over looks when at work.

Fortunately you got to the party on time even though you couldn't catch a taxi for twenty minutes or so. People inside were already mingling and drinking, and you decided to grab something to drink before looking for Def. You located a small table with champagne in the corner of the room. You downed two glasses as quick as you got there, and were already grabbing a third one when a voice spoke up startling you so much you jumped a little.

"Rough day?" Defsoul was standing next to you, whiskey in his hand, smirking at you. You immediately blushed and gawked at him. He was so handsome it was simply unfair. This man clearly woke up today and chose violence. He was wearing a silky black shirt — and it was quite unbuttoned, so you had a chance of seeing his broad chest (you were currently having a heart attack), and slacks he also styled his hair so that his forehead was exposed with one defiant streak of hair falling onto his brow bone. You wanted to groan. You fucked up — this could've been your chance to get him to like you more...

"Y/N? Are you alright?" he was genuinely concerned, and here you were, basically salivating and staring at him like a starved, nasty man. That was so embarrassing. You cleared your throat and looked away.

"Yeah, sorry. I'm just really tired today..." He smiled at you warmly, and you wanted to punch yourself for not getting him something, anything.

"That's great!" You gave him a confused look, and he bit his lip nervously while scratching the back of his head. He was so cute you could kiss him. Well to be fair you felt like you could kiss him any time. Why...why did you have to forget that bloody gift...

"I mean it's not great that you're tired... It's just… ah, shit I suck at this. Here." He handed you a plastic card, and you read it absolutely puzzled. Lifetime pass for coffee with Jaebeom — it also had a cute chibi character that looked just like Def, except it had some cat ears.

"Now you can get coffee whenever you want. I mean I know you can have it whenever you want anyway, I just thought that maybe you'd like someone to get it with... I mean get it for you… It's ok if you don't like it really, oh by the way I'm Jaebeom, I don't know if I already told you my real name or not…" he was rambling, and you were screaming inside your head. That was so cute. So kind. You wanted to hug him and kiss him so badly. "Ah, shit. I really do suck at this." he said more to himself than to you. You finally looked at him and grinned.

"I love it." you said and his eyes turned into big orbs before light pink colored his cheeks.

"You do?"

"I do. It's a perfect gift." you smiled, your heart swelled with happiness. You could technically go on a date with him whenever you felt like with this handy piece of plastic. That is if he wouldn't start to hate you in the next few minutes for forgetting his present.

"I'm glad." he grinned and it took your breath away. How come he was so perfect? You got even more nervous looking at the gift from him.

"Ah... I was your not so secret Santa as well…" you started.

"Really? So what did you get me?" he was genuinely interested, and you wanted to go back in time and kill yourself for forgetting about this party. You looked up. His eyes were gleaming with curiosity — you were fucked.

"It's me! I'm your gift!" you joked and looked down to cover your nervousness. You were about to say that it was just a stupid joke and apologize before he spoke up.

"I love it." his voice was deeper than normally, and you looked up shocked by it. He was checking you out, his hungry eyes traveling up and down. You've never seen him like that. You could feel warmth spreading on your cheeks under his intense stare, a tight knot forming somewhere near your core in excitement.

"Y-you do?" your voice faltered, and he chuckled while moving closer to you. He smelled musky with a hint of citrus. Your legs were about to collapse under you.

"I do." he hummed he was so close you could feel the warmth radiating from him. His hand brushed against yours as he bent down to reach your ear. You were sure your skin was burning where he touched you. "So, tell me Y/N, when can I unwrap you?" his tone was dark and dangerous and when he straightened up you've seen this gleam in his eyes as he smirked. Your legs felt like made from putty and you'd collapse if his hand weren't already wrapped around your waist. You couldn't believe it was happening. Your heart was beating so hard it was about to spring off your chest — you were wondering if he could hear it. You certainly could even though blood ringed in your ears. You felt your throat going dry and your panties getting moist.

"Def…" you started weakly. Shocked by your own voice — it sounded so needy.

"Call me Jaebeom.." he purred. "Would you like to go to my place? I don't think I can wait any longer to enjoy my gift…" You quavered from excitement, his voice was laced with a promise of sleepless night.

"Yes, let's go." you said and he smiled at you. You were sure you lost any oxygen you still had in your lungs at that moment. His hand left your waist, and you wanted to catch it and wrap yourself with it again. Instead, he grabbed your hand and interlocked your fingers with his, smiling at you sweetly before he led you outside. You couldn't focus on anything else, but his fingers wrapped around yours. His hand was warm, and he held you firmly, his skin soft and delicate. You managed to quickly catch a taxi and through whole drive Jaebeom's hand lazily travelled up and down your thigh. His gentle fingers sending sparks to your core every time he brushed the inside of your leg. You glanced at him, eyes filled with desire — he shivered, and it made you feel a different kind of excitement — you didn't know that you had this kind of effect on him. You got out of the taxi and his hand was instantly on yours, he was almost dragging you skipping every other step as he rushed upstairs to his apartment. He opened the door and let you in. Immediately three cats came in and brushed against your legs. You smiled softly.

"They like you.." Jaebeom murmured against your neck while taking off your coat for you, you gasped at the feeling, and he released low chuckle before he started planting soft kisses against your neck — each time his lips touched your skin your muscles clenched with anticipation. You couldn't wait any longer. You turned around and looked at him, his eyes were glued to your lips and excitement bubbled somewhere below your stomach.

"I waited so long for this..." he started but never got to finish as your lips were on his in a second. Even his lips felt like cotton, and you sighed against him when he kissed you back. He was clearly enjoying slow kisses. You grew impatient once again and licked his lower lip, he gave you access you asked for, and your tongue brushed against his hungrily. You could already feel how wet you were, arousal making your panties stick to you painfully. Jaebeom's hand travelled around your back dropping dangerously low now and then but never grabbing you — you really wanted him to hold you and take you roughly. Once again you grew impatient this night. You took his lower lip in between your teeth, you bit it hard and moaned. That seemed to make him lose his cool, he let out a growl that travelled straight to your core.

"Bad girl..." he said before he turned you around and pushed you against the wall so that your back was facing him. His tongue already on your earlobe, you sighed and shivered when he licked it and let out breaths against wet, sensitive skin. "I wanted to take it slowly, but you're so eager, so impatient…" he was purring into your ear, and you were aching down there more and more with each syllable.

"Jaebeom..." you moaned as you pressed your ass against him. He sucked some breath in when you pushed down against his hard length, his body working on its own accord, one hand already on your hips pressing you harder when the other one cupped your breast. This is not how he envisioned tonight, he thought that he'd at best confess his feelings not have you here crumbling in his hands while moaning his name. Your hips bucked against his by itself as soon as you felt how hard he was. His hand grabbed your clothed breast, and you regretted wearing anything. You wanted to feel him against you naked skin not through layers of clothing.

"Jaebeom-ah..." you moaned his name again, and he rewarded you with sucking on your neck — it was painful yet pleasant, and you almost forgot what you wanted to say before he licked the fresh mark and kissed it. "Didn't you say you wanted to unwrap me?" You said in weak voice still affected by his mouth on your neck. He laughed against your skin, and you thought that's how paradise would sound like.

"You really are impatient... do you want me to fuck you so bad?" he asked rubbing into you, his dick almost in pain from the friction.

"Yes...please..." you panted out, and he let out some animalistic sound upon hearing how needy you were. He made you face him and unbuttoned your tuxedo-like-dress before he tossed it somewhere behind him. You shivered under his stare. He pulled you into him and his hands immediately travelled to your ass, grabbing it and lifting you up without effort. He began kissing your jaw, neck, collarbones, and you tilted your head, so he could have better access. He carried you to his bedroom and laid you down carefully on the mattress before he took a step back. His sheets smelled just like him, and you sighed in pleasure, sinking deeply into his fragrance. He bit his lip seeing you in his bed, wearing nothing but lacy underwear. However, you didn't want just lay and wait, you got up and reached out to his own shirt undoing the buttons hastily, but he didn't let you, he was in control. He held your hands and pushed you back on bed. You bounced and your hair created a sort of crown, spreading around your face — it emphasized your features even more, and Jaebeom felt as if he was making love to some kind of goddess. Your lips, eyes, hair, body everything was perfect. He wanted to taste you already.

"You need to ask me nicely." He smirked at you and you pouted a bit before a mischievous gleam appeared in your eyes. You let one of the straps fall from your shoulder and gave him an innocent look before taking off the other one as well. Just one move and Jaebeom would see your torso naked. He bit his lip unintentionally, when you pushed your breast closer while also moaning.

"Pleeeaaase... undress already and fuck me... daddy." He groaned - you'd be the end of him. He quickly tore any clothes that were on him leaving only his boxers on, and you stared him down hungrily. Saying he was beautiful was and understatement. He was perfect. His skin was light and smooth, it gleamed in the moonlight that illuminated the room through a small window located right above the headboard. It was still dim, but you could clearly see the outline of muscles on his stomach, and a tempting v line, waiting for you to be licked on his abdomen.

"Take off your bra." he ordered and you obediently followed. His eyes devoured your glistening breasts, two darker beads already hard and inviting him in. He licked his thumb and brushed it against your nipple watching intently for your reaction. You didn't disappoint him as you arched your back hungry for his touch. He took another one into his mouth, his tongue making circles around it for what felt like forever. The sound of his wet licks and your quickened breath feeling the silence of the room. You squeezed your legs looking for any kind of release, it didn't help much. Your core was aching and since you could only wait for him to bring you pleasure you closed your eyes and focused only on the sole path of his tongue. It was almost like a torture and Jaebeom seemed to enjoy it greatly, lazy licks, circles around your nipples, blowing cold air on them to hear your whines. And so when he finally sucked on your swollen nipple you moaned his name so loudly his neighbors could hear you. His dick twitched in his boxers. He couldn't wait for much long either, you were the most beautiful person he ever saw, and you were squirming under him, waiting for him to fuck you. He was honestly shocked he didn't take you against that wall in his hall when you pushed your ass against him. He smirked at you, he haven’t even fucked you yet and you were already having this kind of expression. His lips travelled from your breast lower and lower before his face hovered above your panties, hot breath on your wet, clothed pussy sending you almost over the edge. You looked down at him, his eyes were full of lust. He was so beautiful you felt like it was just a dream, not reality. When he pressed his nose against your wet folds you moaned again. He inhaled it a few times as if it was the most ravishing smell in the world.

"You smell so good I might go crazy." He actually was going crazy as his cock let out a bit of pre-cum only upon him smelling your pussy.

"Daddy... please..." you pleaded looking him in the eyes, he couldn't take it any longer. In one swift move he tore the panties off you, they were soaked, and he sniffed them one last time before throwing them out. He took off his own underwear, and knelt between your legs his cock in his hand already.

"You're so wet for me. Such a good girl, I'm going to fuck you so good." he purred out, and you could go off his words only. He put on condom quickly and teased your entrance before sliding into you slowly. He was watching your face intently as he didn't want to cause you pain.

"Just don't move for a second, you're so big I need to get used to the stretch." It was painful a and pleasant at the same time - the way he filled you up. He didn't buck his hips as you asked, instead he kissed your lips, your jaw, neck, and you kissed him back with passion. Soon he started rocking into you and you moaned into his mouth.

"Harder." you managed to say between the panting and kissing. He straightened up and increased the tempo, sweat building on his forehead.

"Harder..." you said and his hand went to your throat while he almost crushed into you. He choked you lightly, and you felt the orgasm building already.

"Daddy... harder..."

"You dirty girl. On all fours." You obediently followed his order and soon he was fucking you doggy style, his hand spanking you lightly. "You like that? You like when daddy takes you hard?" His voice was so low you shivered under him.

"Yes, daddy." you moaned out when his huge dick filled you with each thrust.

"You're so dirty and good to your daddy. I will reward you and play with your other hole." Before you could say anything he spat on your ass and his finger danced around the other entrance. Just that was enough for you to see white. Your toes curled and your head went back, you screamed his name like it was the only thing keeping you alive, and you could feel how he twitched inside you when you clenched around him in orgasm spasm.

"Y/N, ah... I'm cumming, I'm…" he said through gritted teeth while pounding into you. You both reached your highs and fell onto the bed. He discarded the condom and started kissing your back lazily.

"Do you want to shower together?" he asked.

"Yes, but I don't think I have enough energy to go for another round…" you said while turning his way. He was looking at you lovingly, his expression completely fucked out. He was beautiful, the most handsome you've ever seen him actually. You sighed when his fingers brushed off hair from your face in sweet gesture.

"That's ok, I'll just shower you and we can go to sleep." You nodded, and he took your hand and guided you to his bathroom. He switched on the shower and pulled you under the water when it was warm already. He was so delicate with you, soaping your body, shampooing your head. You smiled at him warmly, and he chuckled.

"You're really cute." he said with a smile after making and weird shapes out of your shampooed hair.

"Stop it, I'll blush." you said while getting under the water, he was quickly spooning you, kissing your back almost with devotion.

"Good, you're even cuter when you blush."

You both towelled yourself dry and Jaebeom even brushed your hair for you before pulling you back to bed. You cuddled your face into his chest and he closed his arms around you. You didn't know if it was one-night stand only, but you'd worry about your possibly broken heart in the morning since his scent was already inviting you to the dreamworld.

You woke up to some rumbling. You opened your eyes and shot up, fear washing over you — that wasn't your bedroom. Memories of last night came next, and you fell back to the sheets squealing quietly into his pillow. That's when the realization hit you. What if it was just one-night stand, and you were rolling around his bed happily in love like an idiot? You sighed but before you could do anything, the man in question came to the bedroom smiling at you warmly.

"You finally woke up sleepyhead." He sat next to you and bend down to kiss your cheek. You looked down. "What's wrong? Have I done something?" He looked concerned.

"I.. no." You said sitting up, and he raised his brow on you. Ugh, he was looking great wearing a plain gray hoodie. You sighed.

"Was that one just for one night? If it was a one-night stand tell me now before I do something stupid."

"One-night stand?" He looked at you offended. "One-night stand?! Do you even know for how long I've been crushing on you? It was few years of my desperate attempts to ask you out, buying you coffee, looking for you constantly. Hell, I even made Yugyeom exchange the stupid lottery draw with me, so that I could give you that card. I actually thought that would helped me out with asking you out. One-night stand?! Jesus, Y/N, he made me basically his slave for a day, and you're asking me if it's one-night stand?" He was angry, and you looked at him shocked, you have never seen him like that. "Do you want this to be one-night stand?!" he raised his voice again.

"No!" you answered him immediately.

"No?! Great, then you can... wait you said no?" He cleared his throat, and you could actually see him smiling like an idiot before he cleared it again. "Well… good because I made us lunch already, and it would go to waste otherwise." He tried to act cool. You giggled at him and pushed him down before sitting on top of him.

"You're cute." You said and he blushed looking away.

"I'm not."

"Yes you are. You are the cutest actually." He groaned in response getting even more red, and you giggled once again. It was the first time you got him to blush so much, usually it was just light pink appearing on the apples of his cheeks. You kissed his face leaving pecks all over it, he chuckled before speaking again.

"I don't want this to be one-night stand. I like you I was actually planning on asking you out yesterday."

"You were?"

"I was. So would like to go out with me?" he wiggled his brows at you and you grinned before nodding.

"Mmm. I'd love to." you answered and he pulled you for a lazy kiss.

"Come, I prepared some food for you. It's hardly festive, but it's something"

"I'm sure it's great. I just need to put something on myself first."

"You can have my hoodie and sweats." he said while looking through his cabinet. "Here." He handed you clothes and blushed once again mumbling that he will wait for you in the kitchen. He got embarrassed — that was just too cute.

You slipped in his clothes, his smell wrapping around you. You got out of the bedroom only to be greeted by three cats purring and brushing against your legs. You smiled and petted them, scratching them on their chins. Jaebeom was just standing and staring at you, still not believing his luck. You were wearing his blouse, it was hanging on you like a dress basically and his heart ached at this picture. You looked up and grinned.

"They like me!"

"I'm pretty sure they're going to like you more than they like me." He chuckled. "Now come, let's eat."

You nodded and entered his kitchen, there was kimchi jjigae and rice prepared for both of you. You smiled and sat down already salivating because of the delicious smell.

"Merry Christmas Y/N." He said looking up from his dish.

"Merry Christmas Jaebeom." You smiled at him lovingly. "So what did Yugyeom made you do?"

"Don't even ask." He said and you giggled. Let's just say you didn't get to spend the Christmas break alone in the bed like you wished.

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lacharcutiere · 3 years

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still [sawamura daichi]

1,6k words

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part eight of i’m gone i’m gone i’m gone miniseries. you can only put these things off for so long.

JST: japanese standard time (GMT +9). EST: eastern standard time (GMT -5). EDT: eastern daylight time (GMT -4).

tings // fluff, a little bit of angst, kinda suggestive at the end ?? // i swear this søng is abøut eating øut my best friend's pussy - cøzybøy // dm, ask or comment to be added to taglist ! minors dni.

��𓆙𓂻

— JAPAN, SUMMER 2024.

the summer passes like this: you and daichi laughing too loudly in busy restaurants and train cars; having arms around each other in the back of taxis on the way home from clubs; making instant udon at three a.m.; walking up and down the neighborhood a hundred times; laying silently side by side and not needing to say anything. it's a routine, it's familiar—it's home.

a couple weeks before you're set to head back to new york, daichi asks you a question as you lay next to him on a blanket in your driveway, staring up at the stars.

"have you decided what your plans are after college?"

"i'm gonna come back here."

"i thought you wanted to go to grad school? you can do way better in the states, especially with a degree from columbia."

you roll onto your side so you can look at him better. "i know. but i've been away too long already. i miss you."

he gives you a little smile. "but i'm right here."

"right here is pretty fucking far from america."

"hm."

that's the end of the conversation.

— 2 AUGUST 2024. 23:09 JST.

everything happens the exact same way it has for the past three years: he takes you to the airport. you try hard not to cry; you say your goodbyes. check-in, security, buy some candy to eat at the gate. board the plane. sixteen hours later, you're in america.

one thing was different, though.

when he said goodbye, his lips touched yours.

you don't stop thinking about it for weeks.

☾𓆙𓂻

— AUGUST TO NOVEMBER 2024.

slightly relieving is the fact that amid thesis writing and too many classes and working an internship under one of your professors (that one's nice, it even earns you enough to get a small apartment a few blocks from campus), there proves to be little time to be spent missing daichi.

you finesse your schedule to fit weekly facetimes on friday evenings (new york time) and shoot random texts back and forth about your day between classes and during meals, and without much space for anything else, it's enough. good things are worth waiting for, anyway.

— DECEMBER 2024.

but then winter sem break rolls around and there's no school so it's back to having too much lonely alone time with your thoughts. you write daichi a christmas card and drop it off at the post office. it's early this year, but oh, well.

☾𓆙𓂻

a week before christmas you receive a call from an unknown number. the phone speaker crackles when you accept the call.

“hello?”

“hey.” the voice on the other end is bright, smiley, accented. it’s tōru.

“tōru? what’s up?”

“i’m outside,” he says, “come down and meet me?”

you’re a little confused, but you decide to humor him. “uh, okay, give me a minute… do i need anything?”

“bring a coat, it’s cold out. i’ll be waiting down here.” the call ends.

a few minutes later you push through the doors of the building to be met with a brisk wind and tōru standing by a payphone, grinning.

“do you have your subway pass?”

you feel inside your pocket for it and nod.

“good,” he says. “come on, we’re in a hurry.”

“where are we going?”

“downtown.”

“ohhkay?”

he laughs. “‘s not anything you won’t like, promise.”

you follow him into the nearest subway entrance, lost in thought as you push through the barrier and step onto the train. it's only when he nudges you and says, "this is our stop," that you realize you've been looking at the ground the whole time.

tōru notices how absent you seem to be and asks, "are you okay?"

"i would be if i knew what was going on," you respond.

"yeah," he says, leading you up the stairs and into the terminal, "yeah, i think you will be."

you're in grand central. tōru asks if he can borrow your phone for a second. when he hands it back to you, he doesn't say anything, just takes you by the arm smiling widely and leads you into the fray of commuters that fill the station.

"tōru!" you groan, "can't you just tell me where we're going?"

"magnolia," he replies simply.

"we came all the way here just for coffee?"

"mhm."

"tōru!" he stops walking and turns back to you, trying and failing miserably to stop grinning for a second. "what the fuck?"

"come on," he says, "you'll like it."

"we've been here before! what's so special about—"

"you'll see."

☾𓆙𓂻

coffee in grand central is surprisingly good. it's also surprisingly expensive. ah, well, it's new york. new york has much more to offer than just overpriced cafés.

such as... this. such as a laughing man that leads a remarkably pissed-off looking girl by the arm, towards this stupidly good, stupidly overpriced café.

the pair are weaving through a stream of people, almost there, and then they're there, and the girl is looking much less agitated now. she looks somewhere between crying and wanting to run in the opposite direction. thank god, she chooses the former.

he loves you. so much.

☾𓆙𓂻

"daichi?" you mean it to be a scream but your voice cracks a little and it comes out airy.

he has the exact same look on his face that tōru's had this whole time. "hi."

"oh my god, what the fuck?"

"you said it was lonely, tōru told me maybe it would be nice for you to have a date for new year's, i had some extra money saved up. so i came."

"you— what?" you look back at tōru. "you planned this? just? last minute?"

"nah," daichi laughs, "no, i meant to come visit you for christmas a while ago. i already had tickets and everything, i was gonna tell you but then i got your card and figured it might be more fun if it were a surprise."

"oh my god." that's all you can think to say.

— CHRISTMAS 2024.

you can't even explain how good it feels to wake up and walk into the living room to find daichi asleep on your couch on christmas morning, how good it feels for it to not just be you. the whole time he's been here, though, you've forced yourself not to think about the fact that he's going back home in a week and a half, forced yourself not to do anything just yet. soon, though. just a few more months.

☾𓆙𓂻

when he wakes up, you're making coffee for the two of you.

"merry christmas," he says, wrapping one arm around your shoulders. he places a card on the counter in front of you. "open it."

its message is simple.

you do as it says.

"i, uh, haven't gotten you anything yet, but—"

"daichi," you laugh, "it's okay. and um, i may have also not been able to get you anything. also because i didn't know you'd be here."

"wait, wait, i'm not finished."

"okay?"

"what do you want to do after you're done this year of school?"

"i already told you," you say, "i'll move back home."

"no, what do you want to do? you want to go to grad school, right? continue studying here?"

"no, i just want to stop waiting." you sigh, a little frustrated. "i don't wanna have to keep putting this off, it's been—"

he cuts you off. "i'll be here."

"huh?"

"i'll be here. or wherever."

"i don't get it?"

you've always loved the way daichi's nose scrunches up when he smiles. "you're the one planning on studying more, not me. not immediately, anyway. i'll go with you."

"daichi."

"what?"

"you're fucking joking."

he laughs; you look so confused right now. "i'm not. promise."

"i don't even—"

"hey."

"hm?"

"think you can handle long-distance for five months?"

"uh—" you inhale sharply. "yeah."

"good," he says, "then we don't have to keep putting this off."

it's been five months since you last let your lips touch his. it still feels just like the first time it happened.

— 31 DECEMBER, 2023. 19:36 EST.

he tries not to let you pay for dinner, but in the end, you slip the waiter your card while daichi's in the bathroom. it's his birthday; it's your treat.

and after dinner, there's that new year's eve party that tōru's been going on about. it feels good, so good, not to be there alone. it feels good to watch the broadcast from downtown and count the seconds to midnight as daichi's arms are wrapped around you from behind. the clock reaches zero; daichi kisses you hard. you're both drunk on champagne.

you watch him smile across the room at tōru, who's got his girl on his arm. the two of them look happy, too. everything is warm.

— DEPARTURE: 3 JANUARY 2025. 08:15 EST.

daichi's asleep next to you when the alarm on his phone goes off. you'll miss not waking up next to him for the next five months, but at least that's all it will be.

he makes faces at you in the mirror as you both brush your teeth; keeps trying to tug your sweater off when you get dressed. you spend these thirty minutes laughing with him until it hurts. the two of you take the subway back to grand central; make out in a corner of the terminal while he waits for his train to jfk international to arrive.

"see you in may."

— 21 JANUARY 2025.

taglist: @sakruisin-thru @softetsurou @oligbia

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rydiin · 5 years

Note

What parts of the book did you already talk about? If you haven't already can you talk about the chapter of his time at MSD?

I apologize for such a late response on this 😞 When I made my posts about the book, I basically just noted any *new* information that was released in the book (or information that we had already known but that has been forgotten by most). That being said, the chapter on NC's time spent at MSD will likely just be a refresher to you since its info you probably already know and I also mentioned some of it in my other posts, but I'll summarize the chapter in case you're still interested 💜

NC starts school at MSD as a Sophomore in Fall 2015

"Stay in Your Lane"

During his first semester there, he was scheduled to spend his first 5 periods at Cross Creek, and last 2 at MSD.

In October, his ESE Specialist (Jessica DeCarlo) went on maternity leave. The Asst. Principle tasked Tara Bone to cover for DeCarlo, but neither DeCarlo nor the Principle told Bone about NC. She knew nothing about him at this point.

By the end of October, Bone was told she needed to speak to teachers who taught NC in anticipation of a December meeting to decide whether to mainstream him full time.

Once she got a hold of his IEP, she "read it, highlighted it, and ran to every MSD administrator saying this was bad. Bad, bad, bad."

His IEP suggested that he had shown progress such as: not stealing anything while atttending Cross Creek and being "very focused on making appropriate choices in both the school and his neighborhood community".

But there were also warning signs: "He continues to lack impulse control so he needs to be monitored while in both the school and neighborhood communities...He also has poor judgement in social situations. Recently he was punched numerous times by a peer for using racial slurs toward that peer. Cr*z...refused to accept that the comments made by him caused the peer's reaction."

Bone was alarmed when she found entries by three different educators about his fixation on guns and k*lling. In high school students are allowed to read their own IEP so educators typically walk a fine line of writing the truth but also being encouraging to the student. Bone was shocked to see these intense statements such as,

"NC, at times, will be distracted by inappropriate conversations of his peers if the topic is about guns, people being k*lled, or the armed forces."

"He becomes preoccupied with things such as current events regarding wars and terrorists. He is fascinated by the use of guns".

At this point NC was taking English and JROTC at MSD and the chapter reveals that DeCarlo attended the meeting where Cross Creek decided to mainstream NC for English and JROTC and she left the meeting without even reading his IEP.

Bone voiced her concerns to principle Reed about none of them reading his IEP but Bone was told to "stay in your lane". After voicing concerns, Reed began ostracizing Bone at work and it became a stressful environment. "Between the hostility she felt from Reed and her fear of Cr*z, Bone started looking for a new job six days after she was told to stay in her lane".

On December 14th NC was mainstreamed to MSD full time.

Prior to this "he had made progress in the intensive therapeutic setting of Cross Creek where well-trained professionals could watch him like a hawk. But when he transitioned to MSD, his old behavior management plan was discontinued and no new plan was created. Teachers were left uninformed about who this student was, what to watch for, and how to support him.” Bone lamented, "They just threw him to the wolves".

Ignoring Death Threats

NC's first full day was January 11th, 2016

On February 5th, 2016 a woman called the Broward Sheriff's Office to report an instagram post where NC showed off a gun and wrote, "I am going to get this gun and sh**t up the school."

The responding officer informed the woman that this insta post was "protected by the First Amendment right of free speech". She asked if there was a way to prevent him from buying a gun when he turned 18, but the officer told her his right was protected by 2A and nothing could be done.

This officer was wrong. Threatening to sh**t up a school is a felony that could have prevented NC from buying a gun, and even just an arrest here would have made a big difference.

The officer didn't write a police report for the call but he did notify Scot Peterson. Five days later Principle Thompson emailed staff and parents, "Please be advised that we received a report of a potential threat through the school district's tip hotline today. School admin and security staff followed all district safety protocols. The school district police and local law enforcement were immediately notified."

No further action was taken on this threat. This threat was never even added to NC's official records. On paper NC appeared to have been a model student in the Spring semester of 2016.

But in reality:

Teacher Sandra Rennie says security staff were always calling NC over, calling him up to the office, and keeping an eye on him. Medina affirmed that they were always watching him.

He dressed in full camo, mask included, and jumped from behind poles to scare students

He brought dead animals to school, sometimes fondling them under the desk, other times putting them in his lunchbox and telling another student there was a treat inside

He threw food at students

Brought knives to school, tried to sell them

Wrote "I Hate N*ggers" on his backpack and carved swastiikas on tables

Despite often going to the principles office, his misbehavior was only documented once that semester. That day was different because Reed was absent so he was sent to another Asst. Principle.

This chapter talks about the breakup between him and Emily, including the threats to her, Dana, and Enea.

Dana submitted a written report to the head of security at MSD. She wrote about the deaththreats and offered to show screenshots as evidence. Nothing was done.

Six weeks after she reported NC's threats, he walked into her class and stood over her, staring and breathing loudly. Security escorted him out.

-In updating NC's IEP, Bone noticed that there were some classes where NC conducted himself quietly and unremarkably. Some students and teachers insisted that he was trying.

One of his math teachers wrote that he "tries very hard and works with the only high level student in my class on a regular basis...he seems very committed and his work is always complete just not usually correct".

"We Measure Our Success by the Kids We Keep Out of Jail"

-The chapter talks about Scott Israel signing the PROMISE agreement and boasting about not arresting juveniles.

The Sheriff's Office visited NC's home 45 times (including incidents involving Zach). But never made any arrests. Their reason is that many of these incidents were too minor. However, as mentioned previously in the chapter, even NC threatening to sh**t up the school was seen as "minor", which says a lot.

One of NC's old neighbors told the authors of this book that NC shot his son with a BB gun but that the sheriff's office didn't do anything. There is no record of anything matching this description in the documents released by BSO.

Other neighbors told the media that NC routinely shot squirrels and stabbed rabbits, and once got his dog to attack piglets, but there are no BSO records matching these incidents either.

Fall 2016

MSD math teacher Suzanne Giorgione found out she'd be teaching NC and refused to step foot in the same classroom as a student who had previously threatened to k*ll her. Administrators rearranged NC's schedule.

Other students and parents complained about being in class with NC, so admin rearranged their classes.

Enea:

NC had sent threats to Enea from Emily's insta account.

He approached Enea and called for a truce, saying "he could have her".

Shortly after that, Enea and Emily began to date

In early September NC followed Enea as he was leaving school shouting "Stop talking to her!". Enea refused. NC took a pen, held it like a knife, and started running at Enea shouting "N*gger! N*gger! N*gger"

Enea ran away

The Fight

During lunch on September 20, 2016 NC screamed "Hey, n*gger! Fuck you!"and threw a water bottle at Enea (which didn't hit him).

NC jumped on top of Enea and punched him. Enea tried to throw him off but NC held on tenaciously, at one point attempting to bite his face, only to catch Enea's hair in his teeth and hold on that way. Students say everyone was taking videos.

Dana and her friends went to administrators- they were fed up. They reasoned about NC's troubling behavior. One girl claiming to have nightmares about NC sh**ting or stabbing her every night. She said she couldn't go to school because she was so afraid.

Students who took footage of the fight were told to delete it. These videos would have provided clear evidence of a hate crime. But as usual, MSD wanted any evidence of misbehavior erased so they could pretend it didn’t exist.

Summary Quote:

"To recap: a deeply disturbed student with a history of threatening to sh**t up the school and kill his peers called another student “a n*gger” (not for the first time) and attacked him (not for the first time). At that point, five students provided statements to Assistant Principal Porter that Cr*z had threatened to kill people and brought weapons to school. They also expressed concerns that Cr*z might be carrying weapons and could kill someone the next time he became angry. At the students’ urging, administrators allegedly searched Cr*z’s backpack and found bullets (or bullet casings).

It is difficult to imagine a set of circumstances that would more strongly argue for an arrest. But Scot Peterson’s police logs from that month show no evidence that he was even consulted. Instead, administrators gave Cr*z a two-day internal suspension and developed a “safety plan” that banned him from bringing a backpack on campus. The obvious rationale: if he has a backpack, he could bring a deadly weapon to school and kill people.

They decided that NC was too dangerous to be allowed on campus with a backpack but he should not be arrested.

This may seem astonishing, but it is actually entirely faithful to philosophy of the Broward school district, as expressed by Superintendent Runcie: “We are not going to continue to arrest our kids” and give them a criminal record. The fight with Enea was four days before Cruz turned eighteen, the age at which anyone without a criminal record can purchase firearms."

#meadow #why meadow died

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jamiebluewind · 5 years

Text

Thank You

Just wanted to say thanks to everyone for being kind. I know some of you must be... annoyed that I haven't been sharing anything lately (I have too if I'm being honest), but nobody has thrown any hate at me for it and for that, I'm grateful.

I've been resting up since I got out of the hospital, a fact that has been driving me crazy if I'm being honest. Only so many hours in a day and I'm spending so many of um in the bed (doesn't help that dad fussed at me for it)! Then I tell myself that if one of you were in the same position, I'd be fussing your ear off for thinking such a thing and trying to get you to rest, so I'm trying to give myself the same courtesy.

I'm... hesitant to share what went wrong, not for embarrassment but because I don't want yall to worry. Then I realized that this post has probably already make you think far worse, so here goes...

WARNING: Blood mention, illness, body function mention, pain, menstruation, confusion, dehydration, (please tell me if I missed any!)

I got an IUD put in. I didn't want it, but my periods are bad and my insurance wouldn't cover just removing the parts before trying this first. It caused a lot of pain due to having nothing for pain, the person putting it in not knowing what they were doing, and them using silver nitrate without rinsing it off which gave me chemical burns on my cervix. I stayed in pain and they responded saying to take a tylenol and I'd eventually be fine. During this time, I bled constantly. Not a lot, but some. I also had my normal periods to deal with. I found out it was even effecting my mood and making me tired (hormones, constant cramping, or both, you be the judge). Two months in, I wanted it out. They said I just needed to tough it out and I would be fine by 6 months. I'm pretty sure my face did a thing that symotaniously screamed confusion and "fuck you", but I did as I was told.

In the meantime (during December and even now), my heater thermostat started doing something weird. I set the temp, but it would let it get down to like 55° F (12.7° C) at night when it was set on like 68 (20° C). During the day, it would get about 10° F warmer than what it was set (so like 78° F or 26° C). It was kicking on, but not regulating it how it was supposed to. I told my landlady, but they take for-freaking-ever! So out comes an electric blanket to keep me warm at night. I basically lived under the thing after the sun set! I just kept it on one or two so I wouldn't get too warm. I was also feeling crapy (*gestures to previous paragraph*), which meant more bed time than normal.

A few days before Christmas, I got a shot that was supposed to last a month and help block a nerve that causes migraines. I have debilitating hemiplegic migraines and the risk was very low, so I decided to give it a shot. The medication is very new and due to my rare form of migraine reacting atypically to medications, you would think I would know by now not to try medications that haven't been out long.

The fourth and final domino in all this was all the running due to the holiday season. I'm disabled and I have a weak immune system, but I kept pushing myself. I walked so much price shopping for things for everyone that would both mean something and not break budget (even when me left leg wanted to nope out) because Dad gave me a bit of money last minute to help me buy gifts and I only had a week. I wrapped gifts for dad and myself. I cleaned and did some baking. Then there was the driving and the great but exhausting time with family and playing catch with my youngest nephew until my arm was nearly falling off. When I eventually got back home, my whole body had this bone deep ache. Not like overworking muscles after not using them for a long time, but like I had the flu. This is on top of the cramping.

*Note: Some of the information past this point is things the medical staff told me happened, things my dad said happened, and texts*

I would get better and worse. Always worse when I first woke up (remember the blanket?). I went to dad's for a traditional southern New Year's meal. He said I was spacey, lethargic, and far more quiet than normal. My eyes had trouble focusing and I had trouble concentrating. I looked tired so, he made me sleep before driving home. I woke up about 3 am, drank a glass of water, drove home, wrote a post about it (which took entirely too long for me to write), and went to bed.

The next morning, I woke up and just... laid there. I was having trouble figuring out where my body was. It just felt numbed somehow. I called my neurologist thinking it was a side effect the the drug. I'm not sure what I said, but they made me go to the ER.

I'm not sure how I drove there to be honest. I do remember somebody honking. I'm glad it was close, but still. It's a wonder I didn't get in a wreck!

I don't remember much. A yellow floor sign. A woman writing with a marker. Another woman with brown drawn on eyebrows. A machine that had a small piece of that brown first aid tape stuck to it. A name that made me think of the green emoji face (which my normal brain has yet to figure out). I had trouble talking and thinking. I remember repeating "stay still" over and over the (I think it was) several times I was instructed to, because if I didn't, I'd forget. I'm pretty sure I left my room several times. I know I went to my car once. I remember eating food, but I only recall a pineapple cup because I realized partway that I had a spoon that I could use. I kept forgetting to tell them I was hurting when they asked. I had a headache and sick stomach. I also felt so cold and my feet were like ice, but I was running a low grade fever after all.

I started feeling a little better, but the doctor still admitted me. I had a white count, but they couldn't figure out from where. I messaged a few people to let them know what was going on finding typing easier than talking. I used that to my advantage and typed out my allergies to show a nurse.

They struggled getting the IV in, even on my hand. When it finally was in I was hooked up to fluids to keep it open. More blood taken to try and figure out what was wrong. I gave them what urine sample I could which was tinted (I couldn't help it). They had already done some type of brain scan (but I didn't remember it). I kept having minor dizzy spells, but I attributed it too all the blood they took.

They kept giving me stuff, but nothing helped my headache. It wasn't a migraine, but still very nasty. I was grateful when something finally seemed to help.

My nurse came back with lots of juice to go with my super so I'd have something to drink and a container of ice water. She was new to the hospital and hung around at times just checking on me and talking. Just a nice person. It was otherwise a lot of sleeping.

The longer I stayed, the easier it was to communicate, but the tests couldn't figure out why. They ruled out seizures and a stroke. A mini stroke was highly unlikely and didn't fit. They couldn't find an infection anywhere. My white count went back to normal. They couldn't figure it out.

That was until my nurse from the previous day came back. We just talked about general things until I made a joke about the urine sample from the day before. She asked if it was clean catch and I said yes, but just barely. That ended up causing questions and her checking charts. Turns out that despite being there since the morning before, I had peed twice (with the last time hours before). She pressed on my bladder which wasn't distended. 3 bags of fluid, 3 meals (2 of which I know I ate all of), plus whatever I drank. I had been dehydrated to the point that it had caused my white count to go up and was the reason behind my confusion, lethargy, dizziness, headache, nausea, and low urine output. I was pretty surprised. I was released before lunch.

Pushing past my limits, minor medication side effects (including one long term med), staying under an electric blanket too much to stay warm (combined with exhaustion which meant longer in bed and less time awake to drink water), and pain and constant bleeding due to my IUD... all those things combined causing it to happen. I'm still... oof. Still tired. Still weak. Still recovering. Sleeping so much that the days fly by. Drinking lots of water. And otherwise doing just fine (save for my sleep schedule going to shit again). I still love my electric blanket; it's just been temporary retired until I can get myself rehydrated again. That means my other blankets are out of the vacuum bags and piled up to keep me warm ^_^

Speaking of warm, I have my very own love bug/velcro/snuggle buddy Danny who has been on me like white on rice since I got home. He's a good boy

#bluewind talks #story time #dehydration #cat danny #danny is a good boy #tw blood mention #tw menstration #tw illness

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