#i just find them... unenjoyable i guess

[rottmnt-residuum]

Any other LGBTQ+ Headcannons that are canon is the comic??;)

*patiently awaits Cupioromantic Donnie*

hmm... had to think about this for a while and talk about it with co-author, but here's what we got. we mostly base this stuff on how plausible it is in show/if there's evidence for it. with a dash of personal experience. This only applies to residuum, btw. I have different personal headcanons for these characters outside the comic.

april: lesbian. this is mostly based off of the fact that most aprils get with their caseys & the comment she said to dale. which could be taken as disinterest in dale specifically, but she seemed more concerned with impressing that popular girl earlier and that reads as more... saphic, i suppose. or at the very least homoromantic.

raph: raph is just raph. we look at him and basically just *tv static*. go crazy. all we got is jokes or stuff that has too little evidence to support. so, yeah, he's whatever you want him to be i guess?

leo: trans. already said my reason in the other post. also, gay. if gay were a power source he could power the entirety of the united states for five months straight without a single power outage. failing power grid notwithstanding (< thats the actual word. its supposed to be mushed together like that. wack.).

donnie: as much as i'd like him to be ace/aro spectrum rep, he just doesn't have the evidence in show for us to apply it to him in this comic. it's funny, for being hc as ace so often he sure is the most outwardly romantic/sexual turtle in the show lmao. one! cherry: "you're so cute, but you're so mean! why do i always go for your type?" two! astrogirl?? (whatever her name is) he is very very romantic with her. he has a type y'all. also just look at those two, he's a leg man lmao (bootyyshaker9000 anyone? ha!) anyway. and with the bromance/instant chemistry he had with that one guy in the purple dragons... Pan. or possibly Omni as he does seem to favor... cute brutal femme... Yeah. Omnisexual.

(you have no idea how fucking bad i want this boy to be ace spectrum. hes got the colors y'all!! The Colors!!!!! but alas... i am bound by my canon plausibility creed for this comic)

mikey: ace. possibly ace/aro. he shows interest in literally no-one. we're aware that the common hc is pan but... we know a pan 13 year old, and let me tell you ahahahaha, kids going through puberty are very uncomfortable to be around sometimes, especially around their partners. or crushes. and mikey... well, that boy is ace behavior personified lmao. aces in the back you get what we mean right?? right??? anyway commiting to aroace

#residual asks #rottmnt #i really get a kick out of he/him butch lesbian raph and ghostbear-sexual raph #but i'd never use those seriously. or at least in this comic #co-author says what they get if they really had to choose for raph is ace homoromantic #but otherwise... #he's just raph #like we can't apply any identity to him. and we really mean ANY identity. not even straight or umbrella terms like queer #its a very odd feeling #i also really like trans april but we don't have enough evidence for it #in fact there's actually counter evidence- but don't let that stop your dreams y'all. it just stops ours :P #sorry for stepping on your donnie dreams anon #but honestly i think that label applies more to 2012 donnie imo #i really do personally prefer ace/aro donnie. but i'd make everyone ace if i were able lmao #co-author would also do the same thing ahaah #i just don't like depicting romantic relationships. or attraction ahahaah #with mikey... we get why people hc him as pan... but like its a fandomism stereotype #that literally every fandom applies to optimistic friendly characters. and honestly i really don't like the fandomism stereotypes #i just find them... unenjoyable i guess #cuz like y'alll... your sexuality isn't inherently determined by your personality or vise versa #cuz like i know for sure that in fandom spaces- if i were a character- i'd be stereotyped as pan or a hypersexual cis het #to which i am neither. at all. #and co-author would be stereotyped as the demure femme book lesbian #which they are VERY much not #and i know this because i've been fandomified by people in my life more than once #it is a very uncomfortable experience y'all #whoops rant in the tags #residuum #rottmnt residuum #residuum wb

[bloodenjoyer]

oh Please spill the tea on RWRB because I hear a lot about it from book blogs I sort of vaguely follow and I'm dying to hear a mutual's takes on it at this point,

well honeslty i dont even judge ppl who like rwrb like i myself will sometimes indulge in YA romance whatever ...esp if its nostalgic to me..(i know i have a few friends and mutuals who dolike rwrb) and forgive me because im not entirely sober. but basically that book Sux majorly. like.

Okay hi picking up from where i left off. The politics were stupid and bad ( which like. Doesnt automatically make a book bad or an unenjoyable read but still) Like they were so weird and wishywashy democrat. Very "there are good people on both sides!!!!!!" but also like theres this gay republican guy who outs the main character for his own campaign? But like it didnt make a lot of sense. also a lot of emphasis on the. diplomatic relations between the usa and the uk LOL i didnt find that offensive or anything and honestly it was kind of silly. Very fanfic-y but not necessarily the worst part of the book just silly . Oh also loved to suck the english monarchys dick. like...a lot. There was so much "ohhhhh its so hardddd being the prince of england and also im gay its sooo hard and people dont get how hard it is for meeeeee also we colonized people which is sad and embarrassing but yiu just dont get itt" like idk. Weird

Then like the romance aspect was like...idk. It was supposed to be enemies to lovers (<Trope! Always forced trope but whatever) but like it was more like. Mad-at-eachother to friends-with-benefits. Like there was no real romance to the book imo??? readers are expected to believe theyre in love because the book STATES theyre in love but theres not much actual depiction of them falling in love. Like oh wow theyre fucking and stuff. Also their EMAIL SEXTS get leaked. which was really fucking funny not gonna lie. it was just. it was just typical shitty ya i guess. very very obviously fanfic with the names changed. like i do get why people couldve enjoyed the book maybe. but personally it wasnt for me and if the movie is bad im not surprised!

#Also there was that weird insensitive joke abt israel that made my skin crawl but apparently they took it out of more recent prints?idk #i could probs say more but its been years since ive read that book. So i forgor #asks

[anormalgirlwithanormallife]

everyone is sharing their s5 finale hot takes rn lol so i guess it's my turn

tbh, i think that @buggachat's recent posts about the finale mirror my thoughts (here and here) and are really really well said. in short, she argues that the decisions made in the s5 finale mesh really well with adrien and marinette's respective character arcs, and that it sets up future seasons to have more conflict and tension.

i wanted to elaborate on a few things that she said. first, i wanna talk about the role of emotion in the viewing experience of miraculous ladybug as a whole, and especially the s5 finale. miraculous has always been a show of building tension and denied catharsis. the entire premise of the show–that these two superhero kids have crushes on each other but their secret identities keep them from being together–is basically designed to be a frustrating experience. but while it's frustrating, it's not necessarily unenjoyable! in fact i think that the frustration is what draws people to it; we keep watching in-part because we want the tension to resolve, but we also watch in-part to see the tension build and build and build. speaking personally, it's an experience that i really enjoy, and i like how s4 and s5 both found ways to progress the narrative and create interesting new dynamics while still maintaining the central tensions of the show.

one of the main points of tension is, obviously, that adrien's dad was the villain all along. as viewers, it becomes very easy to hate gabriel as both a dad and a villain because he sucks in both domains. so of course, the show implicitly posits the questions, "what would happen if adrien finds out that his dad was monarch? what would happen if gabriel finds out that his son was chat noir? (of course we have seen what would happen there in the chat blanc ep) what would happen in the final battle when ladybug and chat noir defeat monarch and see his true identity?"

a lot of people found the writing decisions made in the s5 finale risky and unexpected (myself included!) but in retrospect, it really makes perfect sense when you consider that miraculous ladybug's emotional pull is to tantalize its viewers with catharsis, and then deny them that. i don't think that it's inherently bad or good, but i do think that it is effective at getting people emotionally invested, and it is an experience that i enjoy. but i do think it could lead to some negative or uncomfortable feelings, esp when viewing the finale. i remember watching the end and feeling...kinda bad at first. it left a bad taste in my mouth, watching gabriel being celebrated as a hero when we, the viewers, know him to be an abusive piece of shit. it also felt so uncomfortable and heartbreaking and adrien doesn't know anything!! he's operating under the assumption that his dad was a martyr, and there is something that feels so unjust and wrong about that.

and i think that a big reason for these emotional reactions to the finale was that it denied the viewers catharsis. we thought that we would get a big cathartic reveal moment but the show said, "nope! not happening :)" just like it always does. and that experience can feel really uncomfortable and turn some people off from the show, but it isn't indicative of bad writing. if anything, it's consistent with the way that the show has always operated from an emotional standpoint, and it sets up future seasons to explore interesting dynamics and conflicts.

i’ll make another post about how i think the finale’s decisions ties into the character arcs and the themes later!!

#miraculous ladybug #ml #miraculous: tales of ladybug & cat noir #ml s5 finale #ml s5 spoilers #marinette dupain cheng #adrien agreste

[robogart]

Quick DS3 Thoughts :

Just finished and didn’t link the fire and this ending theme is GORGEOUS 😩💕💖

Game is visually STUNNING like I am truly obsessed with all the environments and the enemy and boss designs are soooooo fucking cool!! 🥰🥰🥰 LOVE the DLC areas the most I think! Corvian Settlement and the Ringed City were spectacular! Oh and also the Untended Graves portion was so haunting, I loved it!! OH and the dreg heap and kiln were incredible too!! Just wanted to stand and look around omg 😍

But honestly overall the actual gameplay was really unenjoyable for me - I was playing a Dex build and it was TOUGH and got incredibly worse as the game continued. To the point where I had to summon an NPC or player for help at nearly every boss which really sucked! I played dex builds in DS1, ER and bloodborne and I really love zooming around and biting people’s ankles! But here you’re just so severely punished by mob enemies and boss combos alike that it really zapped the enjoyment out for me, like damn 😔

I played through all the DLC and the only boss I didn’t fight (attempted like 10 times but just went to find Soul of Cindy instead) was Midir because Fuck That! Gorgeous fucking boss though!! Jumping down and having that big cavern/cave and Midir spreading their wings like???? INCREDIBLE!!! 🥳💕💖 But fighting was just like… ugh woof = w =;;

Anyways I might yell about this more later and I might try a Str build since I’ve been trying to read up and a lot of other people are saying it totally made the game more doable for them because POISE (why did you CHANGE IT LIKE THIS???)

But anyways yeah! Game is done even if it wasn’t how I wanted it to really go! But back to my other playthroughs for ER and Bloodborne instead I guess!✌️💖

#ds3 thoughts #ds3

[inkfamy]

what do you mean by vetting people for server invites?

I guess it sounds a bit serious. I started my comic club server with the intent of it being more of a group chat than A Community Space. I don't really have the time or energy to have to moderate an open environment, and it's not something I'm interested in doing.

To those ends, I reserve the right not to extend an invitation to someone whose views/politics/behaviours are ones that I would find unenjoyable to be around - everyone in the server is someone I'd quite happily chat to in private as well as share a group space with them. This isn't to say that everyone has to think what I think (and they don't), just that I'm curating the space.

So far I've invited friends, mutuals, and people I haven't spoken to before and everyone has turned out to be really lovely and fun to be around. I really like the space that's been created and all the people there, so I'm keen to keep it that way and part of that is continuing to keep it a private space rather than an open community server.

All that said, people are free to ask to join and ive only declined 1 invitation so far.

#inky answers

[squirmydonnie]

Vent: CW: unreality

I'm just very upset lately. Very angry.

I don't want to do any of the things that I've done for my whole life.

And I guess that's because I've done them for my whole life but it feels weird.

Nothing feels the way that it did. Everything is wrong and weird.

Nothing feels the same or different.

Everyone I know I don't know anymore.

Everything I do isn't the same anymore.

Most things I do make me upset.

Not really that they've become unenjoyable.

Because the things that I'm talking about aren't enjoyable things. They are things that usually bother me or make me sad. But now it makes me sad and then angry.

I'm more upset most of the time.

Not enjoying things.

I'm just mostly upset all the time.

I've been shaking this whole time writing this. Not out of anger.

I just have so much anxiety.

Nothing feels right at all. I'm just waiting for it to be over.

But I've been waiting for so long.

That most things just feel like me waiting. Waiting for it to be over.

I know how long I have. But it's become pretty tiresome.

I'd really like for time to just speed up.

It doesn't help that this is the boring and uninteresting I've ever felt.

My friends and family are gone.

I don't have them. So I miss them. But do I really?

What I'm really missing is everything they gave me.

But if that was all just me, I've just been alone this whole time.

I don't have my friends or family.

I don't even have myself anymore.

before coming into "real contact" with my daydreams, I only ever talked with Cookie 12.

We could short conversations with each other.

He didn't really know who or what I exactly was. It sometimes seemed like he didn't really know where he was.

We were like on a white piece of paper. White screen. White walls.

I enjoyed talking with another version of me. And of course I did.

I've always done this. Making stories about myself and changing my name in them even though it was clearly me.

I like putting myself into stories. I like thinking of myself in a very vague way.

But once I'm unable to do that, I don't know "what I are".

I don't know what I'm doing. Its extremely lost. Theres nothing I can do.

Theres nothing I can look up and find for this.

I find this problem often. So much that i don't like it when something is like me. Or if it relates to me. And don't like clones.

Or people who I sometimes see as my clones due to my similarity to me.

I've since had less problem with this. But. I really do like clones. When I can tell its me.

I like Cookie 12 and BC.

I miss having BC.

Earlier this week I wanted BC to brush me.

I don't know how to explain this, but I was in class and something was wrong with my back.

So I wanted her to brush it with a brush?. But she can't because shes gone.

So it was just me in the white room being brushed by nothing. Like the brush is floating and brushing me but no one is there but me.

Cookie 12 isn't gone, but I know he doesn't want to talk to me. Xe used to be okay with it. But now that he knows I'm the one who's been doing all this stuff to him. He obviously doesn't want to be around me.

I used to take Mama from him and just have her in my room.

If I didn't take things so seriously and at face value I wouldn't have this kind of problem.

And I'm specifically talking about things that can be considered imaginary or fake.

These kind of things I take as real.

And when it's not that. Its serious subject that everyone else takes as a joke.

And this seriously effects me. Its hurts me so much I can't move on from it.

I'm hurt by these things and I can't handle it.

I hate so many jokes and I find nothing funny a lot of the time, despite how humorous I am.

It's all just very confusing.

It's the first time I've been human I guess.

Everything's is just wrong now.

#cheeseburgerboy #cookie12 #mama #BC #where is my family #most other people don't keep everything inside for the betterment of others with a specific timeline. #because mostly that makes no sense

[nyctarian]

ok questions stolen from This Post

How many books did you read this year? Did you meet any of your reading goals? Which ones? I am currently at 156 books read out of my GR goal of 80, so I met and surpassed my goal by a lot but i include DNFs and this year i read a Lot of short books, several short poetry collections, more graphic novels than i normally do, etc

Did you DNF anything? Why? What is the most over-hyped book you read this year? Yeah lol. If i get bored if a book if something shitty happens if a book is lame etc etc. I started the year desperate for Any book to catch my interest and wasted a lot of time reading very bad romance books recommended by various instagram reels. basically all of the really dumb ig reels romance books that had bad plots annoying characters and a million fans saying it was SoOoOo SwOoOoOnY is most overhyped to Me.

Did you reread anything? What? Notable rereads includes: keturah and lord death by martine leavitt (fun but cheesy as always), book lovers by emily henry (less enjoyable but still good), and Nimona by N.D. Stevenson (which i reread for the first time since i read it in tumblr webcomic format and for the most part held up even if my recollection of what the story was and how it ended was Not Accurate)

Was there anything you meant to read, but never got to? Yeag,. I have So Many books i intended to read but either didnt want to start at the wrong time, couldnt find, or just like. Wanted to But Didnt Want to Read.

Any books that disappointed you? yeah lots. one that was annoyingly disappoint was happy place by emily henry bc shes normally a reliable Fun RomCom Author for me but i just could not get into it at all the whole premise annoyed me the characters were annoying etc etc etc. it was annoying bc i knew the plot didnt interest me at all but i was still giving it a chance bc shes a reliable author but then i hated it. there were a few others that i was excited for bc they sounded thoughtful and weird and then they were just shallow and derivative. OH and bitter medicine by mia tsai! i wanted to like it so much and large chunks of it were reallllly good but the swapping pov was just annoying and the main characters felt inconsistent depending on whether they were the pov or not. and the relationship didnt develop well which was annoying bc i really wanted to like it. the girl who fell beneath the sea by axie oh was one that i was really enjoying until the conclusion and then i was like. Oh Okay Guess That Was The Ending, which was Very Annoying to experience lol. oh also not really disappointing comma bad book but disappointing comma not for me was I'll Go On by Hwang Jungeun which just wasnt the type of story i like wasnt enough like one hundred shadows (which, my enjoyment of that one was the only reason i tried it)

What books do you want to finish before the year is over? i have 29 books on my currently reading and i do Not think im finishing most of them before end of year and there are a bunch on there that should be on my year end best list but im just. not gonna finish. this includes stuff ranging from the idiot by elif batuman, untold day and night by bae suah, open city by teju cole, house of cotton by monica brashears, and like. a lot more lol. Trust by Hernan Diaz is on my year end list and my currently reading.....

Did any books surprise you with how good they were? One Hundred Shadows by Hwang Jungeun Please Please Please read this book everyone hey everyone have i told you how much you should read this book yet hey everyone!!! a few other Surprising Faves this year but that one is my indisputable #1 book of the year. others that were better then i expected include the invoice by jonas karlsson, mona by pola oloixarac, whereabouts by jhumpa lahiri, fever dream by samantha schweblin, and lots more lol i tried to read Good Books this year bc so many fun books were bad and unenjoyable. my only standout Fun Books That My Brain Liked of the year was the Heaven Official's Blessing series by Mò Xiāng Tóng Xiù

What reading goals do you have for next year? EYE am going to be doing a Lower goal next year even tho i read the most books since i started doing the GR reading challenge but i think im just gonna maintain a baseline goal of 50 books. also i want to clear out my Currently Reading and i want to not have it all cluttered the way it has been for months.

#personal #book recs #bookblogging

[actual-bill-potts]

🤔 and 🔥 for the Silmarillion ask game! (I will shamelessly enable WIP procrastination)

oh hell yes, tyvm <3 <3 <3

already answered🤔 here, but just for you here's another one: Finrod can't taste bitterness very well, and finds things like green tea and dark chocolate and dandelions very bland and unenjoyable. He also has an enormous sweet tooth :)

🔥Give us your hottest Silm hot take. Oh you KNOW what I'm going to say: BEREN DID NOTHING WRONG. ever. in his life. i will die on this hill and what's more i will kill on this hill.

"beren should have gone to find his mother and people instead of following his father/after his father's death" - no he should not have, first cuz he had no guarantee they were alive and second cuz he was being actively hunted by morgoth and had a price on his head as high as fingon's. The most caring thing he could do for the (possible) remains of his family was to stay the hell away from them so Morgoth would leave them alone.

"beren was wildly presumptuous to dare to love lúthien/creepy for following her around in the forest/should have broken up with her when thingol told him to" - first off who gave elu thingol internet access. second off do you really think lúthien - you know, lúthien, famous overthrower of dark lords and spurner of fëanorians, ring any bells? - would have put up with any creeper nonsense from beren? i think not.

"beren should have just run away with lúthien" - oh yeah? run where? remember that price on his head? well guess what, it's doubled, because now thingol is also hunting him down. on a more serious note: I think Beren leaving on the silmaril quest is his way of "soft" breaking up with Lúthien. Beren knows that without Thingol's approval, he can offer Lúthien nothing. He has no home, no family, no safe place to raise children - and if she makes a drastic break with her family because of him, she will live to regret it when Beren inevitably dies and leaves her completely alone. Lúthien is the only bit of happiness or hope that Beren has had for years: after she is ripped away, it honestly makes complete sense that Beren would set out on a suicide quest.

"beren shouldn't have asked finrod for help getting a silmaril" - first off, the text never says that he did ask for that help. for all we know, all he asked for was a map. and also - beren has been driven out of any safe place, shelter, or home he's ever had. he is completely alone, friendless, and in despair. finrod and nargothrond was his only hope of a friendly face or a place of shelter: of course he sought finrod out!

(cont) second off, I think it's a patently absurd reading of the text to suggest that beren is knowingly asking finrod to go to his death, even if he does ask for help getting a silmaril. he grew up at the very end of the Long Peace, during a time of (probably) very high tensions, growing darkness, and isolation as each kingdom bolstered their defenses. it's entirely reasonable to believe that he doesn't know the whole sordid history of the silmarils, just that they're gems that morgoth prizes highly - which would be a pretty cool thing to steal! beren alone held dorthonion against morgoth for years, and then managed to pass into doriath: both incredible feats. it's not actually outside of the realm of possibility that beren with a team of elves could successfully infiltrate angband.

(cont again, this is off topic but it's another hot take i have) should finrod, who knew more about the politics at play and had seen morgoth's power firsthand, have told beren no? maybe. i think people make this out to be far more simple of a choice than it actually was, though. thingol knew exactly what he was doing when he asked for a silmaril; and finrod knew thingol knew. asking for a silmaril isn't the kind of thing you do when you're willing to be talked around. the most pragmatic thing for finrod to do would probably have been to just offer beren shelter in nargothrond (not luthien; he can't endanger his alliance with thingol when his people might need to flee to doriath); but beren wouldn't have stayed. given that, i think it was entirely reasonable for finrod to offer support and help, and ask his people to stand behind him. Everything that happened after that was an argument that spiraled wildly out of control (under the influence of the Doom of the Noldor probably...remember that the Noldor are fighting all the Valar in Middle-earth in one way or another, not just Morgoth).

and the final one, the kicker that i see a lot: "beren committed genocide against the dwarves of nogrod" - he...didn't? in fact i feel like he was the only one who reacted kinda proportionally during the ruin of doriath. thingol is an asshole (bad) - the dwarves kill him for it (bad) - the elves kill them back (...not entirely unreasonable? but bad) - the dwarves perform a FULL SCALE INVASION OF DORIATH (what the hell, seriously) and kill A LOT OF LUTHIEN'S PEOPLE - and then beren and lúthien, hearing that the dwarves of nogrod took an ENTIRE ARMY to LUTHIEN'S HOME and KILLED HER FATHER and SLAUGHTERED HER PEOPLE and are now leaving with LUTHIEN'S STUFF to do who-knows-what, attack them right back. which...is fair. in my opinion.

no h8 if u disagree with my beren opinions. but boy do i have them

#beren #long rant #sorry #asked and answered

[svankmajerbaby]

not to keep sinking into a monster high shaped hole or to bring that wednesday series topic again but yknow since i had to see dull memes about the avatar sequel stuff guess this is my revenge

anyway. millar and gough who are the actual showrunners of the netflix wednesday show, not tim burton, and who wrote and produced the series, also produced and wrote the monster high movie so many people were pissed off by at first and slowly, i think? they came around to. and i find this interesting bc these are two franchises/properties which i see a lot of similarities between but that in the end i feel like should be treated as different things bc of their respective tone and general audience.

monster high in general is meant for younger kids especially now that it has softened its image to relatable instead of aspirational, which to me is fascinating from a marketing toy line perspective. the addams family was alwys meant as skewing older. i really assumed that the series would be about riverdale/teen wolf/supernatural level horror/suspense/adult content, and having a meaner edge and really much darker humor. in the end bc of the need to have stakes in the netflix series a lot of the humor was softened in a way that it doesnt really appeal to me/becomes a character quirk of wednesday instead of something that its normal inside this universe, the sort of casual cruelty and cartoon logic of the 90s comedy movies cant apply when you also have to be worried about characters dying tragic deaths and there are harry potter-esque mysteries and drama going on. that change in tone to me was what really killed it, it took away what made the addams interesting and left it at a level in which it was purely aesthetic surface. im not saying its completely unenjoyable, after all it has millions of fans who seem to vibe with it. im just saying that it doesnt really carry the spirit or the tone of the 90s movies, or even the 60s tv series, which was more focused on comedy overall and was much better at it.

with monster high the movie though, i think the gothic magical high school mystery works much better since it already has a few animated movies that have that sort of tone. the franchise itself works with issues of adolescence and therefore identity, self-acceptance and friendship (issues that the wednesday series wants to give to the protagonist, to varying degrees of success). and i find it really interesting that ive seen so many posts that say something like "oh the outfits are so bad, the fashions all wrong, why didnt they get actual cosplayers", etc. i dont expect everyone to know this but tv movie budgets, especially channels like nickelodeon or disney channel or the like, are pretty small even compared to streaming movie budgets. they usually recycle sets and costumes from other series by the same production company/costume company in the area, and between preproduction and shooting there is barely any time or budget for customized pieces. this isnt an excuse as much as reasoning. and apart from that there is also the nature of the new generation which is more focused on relatability and being appealing to a wider demographic than the first generation, which was more aimed at shocking and calling attention to itself. in that sense im kinda happy with what they went with, the clothes looks kinda cheap but it also looks like what kids in the 14-15 year range would believably wear to look cool and that remains accessible while also being fashionably easy to identify and distinguish themselves and their tastes. the actors are all Very Much covered in makeup and wigs but there is a difference in the styling of the generation 1 dolls/fanart/restylings that make them look much much older, and that would probably spark more controversy that mattel might not be super keen on rn. so unless they literally went the riverdale route of hiring actors in their mid to late twenties to portray fourteen year olds, dress them in miniskirts and risk losing that 8 to 11 year old audience to upset parents, what we ended up with is next to the best we could have hoped for.

apart from that, what im most curious about is how they will touch upon the issue of the two worlds in conflict, monsters and humans. the wednesday series didnt quite work it out in a way im satisfied with, partly bc of burtons and burton properties' own difficulty applying crítical thought to the very concept of "outcast" and marginalization, and partly bc of a tendency of wanting to apply allegories and analogies to these matters. you want to create meaningful comparisons to real feelings of alienation to emotionally appeal to the audience. but also you as a writer have no real experience reading about real actual marginalized identities and just have a general idea that things were bad and people are angry and people protest about it and also that the Teens™ are complaining in social media using new terms you can stick in the mouths of your characters. in that sense monster high's aim at the younger audience saves them from embarrassing themselves too much, which i cant say the same for wednesday (or the winx netflix series, and a bunch of other teen-aimed media, for that matter). so what remains for the monster high franchise is to figure out how to properly handle something like the idea of the two worlds of humans and monsters needing to find some common ground (something i think its really cool in the way it could be sparked by clawdeens new status as a werewolf being half human half wolf), though its the sort of thing that the writers of future iterations should be careful about and really just not be afraid to shake things up a bit and defy their own narrative status quo. like not be scared to have characters like claire the goth girl from that one animated movie, or the jekyll/hyde kid that was also technically half "normie", to explore further aspects to the idea of identity and marginalization that have a much more appropriate home in something like monster high.

#. 🦴 #full disclosure i havent finished the wednesday series i dont have the energy in me to invest that much attention in boring subplots #i saw a recap and know what happens and im sad that bianca doesnt appear so much later on #netflix wednesday #monster high the movie

[angelatmidnight1]

hi friend, i hope you're doing well and also drinking a lot of water! I was playing apex the other day as horizon, and i got paired with another ash on trios, and when i tell you we were having a hectic game. Our other teammate DC'd early on, and even though we were on pubs, it felt like a ranked game, because we were constantly running low on supplies and we had to run for most of the time in order to stay alive. We also held our own to try and fight off hungry squads, and i must say, i was surprised at how great of a teammate my ash was. She stuck close to me, she'd revive and use her portal to get us out of a sticky situation, she'd push in with me, and in return, i tried to give her shields and even my secondary weapon once hers ran out of ammo. I haven't played Ash myself, so i understand that this might be out of character (i also haven't kept up with her lore a lot–), but basically after this game i guess i kind of got more comfortable with the idea of a Ler Ash that isn't as menacing or cold towards the reader? Like, sure, she's a bad scary robot and all, but maybe the reader isnt as intimidated by her as other legends may be, which kind of makes her have a bit of a soft spot for the reader. So she could still have her cold ash-like remarks whenever she tickles them, and in fact shethinks that tickling is kind of pointless and childish, but she'd still poke and prod anyway, finding it curious how the reader just allows it to happen/ doesn't reaaally try to run away. While she wouldn't be as eager to tickle the reader as wattson or mirage would, I'd like to think she also wouldn't push them beyond their limits, to the point where it becomes unenjoyable. Thoughts?

Anyway sorry for the ramble, and i hope you've been having a good summer so far! :D

So, I honestly see Ash as a more merciless ler compared to the other Legends. Not quite on Revenant’s level, but maybe not too far behind. I agree that she’d look at tickling as childish, but I also think she’d be the type to use it against her opponents and add it to the list of what makes humans weak and, by default, her strong. Because I think Ash is all about being a perfect combatant, and if there’s something she can do to bring her opponents down faster, then she’s all for it.

But characters can be multilayered, so I could be convinced that Ash isn’t brutal all the time with certain people. I just think that she’d have to view the person as someone who is worth her time, maybe someone who’s really good at fighting or is consistently practicing to improve. I think that’d be one of the few times where she wouldn’t push too far, because then she’d have someone worthy to train with. And that’d be reason enough to not totally wreck them 🙃

My summer’s been alright, kinda boring though. Right now I’m annoyed because every time I go to the dmv, there’s something I didn’t do or something I don’t have and I haven’t gotten anything done. I’ve realized that I’m not as patient as I thought I was 🤦🏾‍♀️ But yeah other than that, my summer has been okay.

[moss-reads]

Caraval by Stephanie Garber

Rating: 3.4⭐️

I originally started writing this review with 2 hours in the audiobook left, but decided to scrap it because it was much more generous then i'm going to be now

with all the praise ive heard for Once Upon a Broken Heart i'm so confused that this was written by the same author, and now i'm not sure if i'm as willing as i was to start that series, when i'm not even sure i'll even start Legendary or Finale

I listened to the audiobook, narrated by Rebecca Soler and i think her voices are quite good and its easy to forget she's just one person narrating all the characters, and i think thats why i continued with it till the end because the experience wasnt completely unenjoyable

I will say sometimes the performance was a bit dramatic, but i imagine that could be from the writing, which i think felt extremely basic and i think for this being the first in Stephanie Garbers at least well known books (considering i cant even find titles of what wikipedia says shes written before) that can happen and i try not to fault authors for that

the plot felt extremely muddled and confusing, and the pacing was extremely off in several paces but it didnt feel like anything mattered that much anyway, the twists and turns felt too high in quantity to really know what exactly was the truth, but not in a fun way like a book that keeps you guessing, it felt more like there was a full point you were supposed to get but it was so shoehorned in it was hard to grasp it fully

the romance wasnt bad,but it both didnt feel that necessary and felt too necessary, and it sort of took away from how we're suppossed to believe Scarlett loves her sister above all else, when her reunion with Julian had way more depth, and his character felt the most well written till the ending

donatella dragna is probably one of the most insufferable badly written characters ive ever read, and finding out she's supposed to be 15 makes some sense until you remember all the illusions to sex with her character and then you just get a bad taste in your mouth

i dont want to dunk completely on this book, because i did enjoy some of it especially around the middle point when they first arrive on the island, but as it got further on i just wanted it to be over, as i stated earlier i got to about 2 hours left and started to write this review because i wanted it to be over but i didnt even continue the book for several days because it just didnt draw me in enough

i might later continue the series out of curiosity, and because i would like to give Once Upon a Broken Heart a chance but i am so extremely disappointed since this has been on my tbr for a while, i even almost bought the physical copy a few months back but i am so glad i got three other books i thoroughly enjoyed instead because i had attempted originally to read the ebook from my library and could not get through it

tldr: i did not like caraval, i dont think it was the worst book ever written but i dont think it was very good either,and honestly i think the love interest was a better character then any of the rest of them, and only for about half the book

#Caraval #caraval by stephanie garber #moss reads #moss reviews

[trustoc]

Lost in random cost

LOST IN RANDOM COST MOVIE

If you love slightly creepy fairytale stories, then this is a very good one. With great ideas and creativity I felt like Lost in Random was really close to being super great, but is let down by the cumbersome gameplay. Thankfully you can just set the game to story mode for really easy fights, but to me that sort of defeats the purpose. Things get mixed up a bit with boss fights and board game bits, where your rolls also move a giant pawn across a board, which is a bit of fun but ultimately it still suffers from the issues in the core combat. You can customise your deck to suit your play style a little more, but the card variety is somewhat lacking. I found myself getting fatigued, and just wanting to move on. There is a lock on feature, but I didn't find it worked well.įights can also go on for a long time, with multiple waves of the same kinds of enemies. And dashing is another major problem but for a game that relies on it so much, the controls really aren't fluid enough. Before you get any crystals there's no way to damage enemies, meaning you can get stuck in long bouts of dashing before you can really do anything. You can break them by pinging them with your slingshot – but this can be tricky, especially with faster enemies - or by dashing through them right before they strike. One major problem with combat is the collection of crystals. Whatever number you roll is how many tokens you get, so even if you draw a good card there's no guarantee you'll get to play it! Random rules! You can then freeze time by rolling Dicey and entering the Dicemension. Each card has a particular token cost to play, and they can be things like weapons, bombs, or power ups. Enemies have crystals on them, which you need to break and collect to move cards from your deck into your hand. This is arguably the part of the game that involves the most "playing", and as a result any problems in the gameplay become much more obvious here. Sure, it looks cool, but having dark, fog-laden environments makes it really hard to see!Īnd then there's the combat. The clunky movement made running through the rabbit-warren-like towns pretty unenjoyable, and I got lost very often. Well, compared to the very good story elements, it feels rather under-polished. If I'm playing a game then I want to be playing, not watching! So how does the gameplay stack up? Now, in general I'm not a huge fan of long cutscenes. It is worth noting that things can get a little spooky at times, and it might be a bit be a bit too much for younger spawnlings. The characters burst with personality, and the world feels rich with history.

LOST IN RANDOM COST MOVIE

It feels like a movie at times, with lots of conversations and cutscenes that are beautifully voice acted. One of the game's strongest points is definitely the story. Now it's your mission to try and get her back, all with the help of Dicey - your living die pal who wields a mysterious power. When it's your sister, Odd's turn, she winds up being taken by the Queen to live with her in Sixtopia. By order of the Queen, every child in Random rolls a die on their 12th birthday. You play as Even, a young girl living in the kingdom of Random. RAD Lost in Random is an adventure game set in an eerie, fairytale-like world ruled by dice! Well, I guess technically speaking, it's ruled by a Queen who uses dice.

#Lost in random cost

[wiypt-writes]

Leave No One Behind

Chapter 16: Endings Beginnings

Co written with @icanfeelastormbrewing​

Summary: Ari and Hannah settle into life back home, but it isn’t all as smooth as they’d have hoped…

Warnings: Bad Language words.

Pairings:  Ari Levinson x OFC Hannah Horowitz

Word Count- 4.5k

A/N: It was recently brought to our attention that in a few other chapters there have been a couple of things that Ari has said/done that are not technically accurate for someone of Jewish heritage. First up, it was reference to Ari observing a ‘Sunday Roast’ when he visited Mama Navon. We just wanted to remind people that Hannah is of Catholic Christian and Jewish heritage (Spanish Catholic Mother, American Jewish Father) and her and Sammy’s upbringing has always been a combination of the two. So, when Ari visited Mama Navon when he was home from Sudan, clearly this was her tradition he was observing. Secondly, in another chapter Ari was praying to the ‘God and the Saints’. Of course, Judaism does not have saints, so there’s a slip up on our part with that one. As with the third point, when we described Ari rushing Sarah to the alter. He would have rushed her to the hoopa.

Regarding all of the above, we would hasten to add, that Ari grew up in the USA, leaving when he was 18. From what little we learn of him in the film, we know was taken by a British Soldier, who married an American Nurse. From the way he talks about it, we don’t get the impression his ‘adoptive’ parents were Jewish, so that alludes us to suspect he had a largely Christian upbringing, whilst clearly  being aware of his heritage. Therefore, we don’t think it is beyond the realms of possibility that he would pick up the odd little thing such as the above three points.  

That aside, we hope the above didn’t distract anyone else from the narrative as it did the reader who brought it to our attention.

Now, just a personal plea from myself in general. Myself and Storm do this for free, and not being a person who pays much attention to religion at all (that’s another debate in itself) it is for this reason I was VERY nervous about continuing this storyline beyond the plot of the film. We certainly don’t have the time, nor brain capacity to be researching things into any kind of huge depth. It’s why most of my story lines centre along similar types of things that I have a good background in. This fic was never supposed to focus on the ins and outs of a particular race of people, just the lives of two dumbasses in love. As all writers on here, we do this for free, and the moment it becomes hard work or unenjoyable, we won’t be continuing. So any other little slip ups, please, unless they’re offensive, give us a little leeway and put it down to Ari being exceptionally Westernised as pointed out above.

Sorry if this comes across as being a little harsh, but this has been playing on my mind a lot over the past few days, to the point I was seriously considering if we ended the fic where it currently stood. That said, I think we have a lot left to tell of Hannah and Ari’s story so, I’ll shut up now and let you read it…if you want that is.

Leave No One Behind Masterlist // Main Masterlist

Part 15

“You haven’t forgotten tomorrow?” Hannah heard her mother ask, as the woman stood up from the table while holding the teacup and saucer to place them in the sink. “You do remember you have to pick Sammy up from the airport tomorrow afternoon, right?”

 Hannah rolled her eyes at her mother’s back. “No, I haven’t forgotten,” she sighed as she played with the crumbles of the pastry she had been nibbling on, “I mean, it’s not like I’ve got anything else going on, is it? Seeing as Ari is with Maya and according to Sarah’s stupid rules I can’t be there with them…”

 At that, Maria Navon turned, giving her daughter a sympathetic look and Hannah snorted in anger.

 It had been four months since they arrived back in Tel Aviv, and Hannah had to concede that for the first few weeks it was fine. She and Ari settled nicely in the apartment Mossad rented in Ari’s name once all the paperwork following the end of the mission had been sorted. Ari had asked Isaacs for an upgrade of his living quarters, given he was now having Maya over to stay every other weekend, plus numerous nights of the week. Not to mention the fact Hannah was moving with him. When Isaacs had asked Ari to put a justification forward, he had simply shrugged, “I fucking earned it, Isaacs.”

 So he got it. Just like he usually got what he wanted, one way or another.

 Hannah was back working at the clinic. Her hands and the experience she had acquired while in Africa were needed more than ever now that it was only her mother and her to run it, although how long it was before her mom decided to retire fully was anyone’s guess. It had been a couple of busy months, what with interviewing for new nurses and locum staff, but Hannah would be lying if she denied having enjoyed every minute of it. She might have Mossad secret agent skills, obviously passed down by her father, but she was a doctor at heart. And that hadn’t changed in the two years she had been away.

 The team had split up within a month of arrival back in Tel Aviv.  Ari and Max had been working to help the refugees. Many of them had simply melted away post their arrival, still not trusting the mysterious white men who had come to their aid. However, some had stuck round; being housed temporarily in hostels, and was those who Ari and Max were tirelessly working for. They focussed their efforts on obtaining them permanent, legal status along with finding them better places to live and jobs of sorts to help them fit in their new reality. 

 Jake had headed back overseas to continue work as a diving instructor, this time in Jamaica, whilst Sammy had been in the States with Rachel for almost two and a half months now, and was, as Maria just reminded Hannah, due back the following day. Hannah suspected, however, not for long, fully expecting him to move there permanently to be with Rachel.

“Sammy is lucky, you know? He has none of this shit with Rachel’s ex.” Hannah grumbled, “Sarah is just being a pain in the ass. And I know for a fact it’s because we told her we got engaged. She was fine with me being there when Maya was until that point.” Hannah finished her rant as she placed her teacup and saucer on her mother’s extended hand. 

“You can’t be sure about that, sweetheart. Maybe there’s something else."

“No, she’s being a bitch.” Hannah quickly stopped her mother’s attempts at justifying Sarah’s behaviour. “She seems perfectly fine with us having dinner during the week and going out and stuff but won’t let Maya stay when I’m there on a weekend, basically just preventing us from spending those days together, for no reason other than she’s bitter.”

Maria Navon sighed. She knew where her daughter was coming from but, being the gentle and caring woman she was, she couldn’t help but try to put herself in the other woman’s shoes. She saw Hannah bite her lip and twirl her engagement ring round her finger, a rounded blue sapphire as deep as the ocean set against a halo of smaller white diamonds on a white gold band, before she spoke again.

 “I wouldn’t mind mama but they’ve been legally separated for years! The terms of their divorce are basically already been agreed. All they need to do is sign the damned papers but recently, well, Ari seems afraid to even raise the issue in case Sarah starts making it all awkward again and stops him seeing Munch.”

“Hey, sweetheart. Listen to me.” Hannah’s mother caught her attention as she pulled out a chair to sit next to her. “Everything is going to be ok, she’ll sign eventually. She knows there isn’t anything she can do about it, she’s just grieving.”

 Hannah’s brow creased at her mother’s choice of words. “Grieving for what? She left him, years ago!”

“She left him because she couldn’t cope with his lifestyle anymore, and he wasn’t winning any awards for being husband of the year, Han. That doesn’t mean she didn’t love him,” Maria woman spoke softly as if to appease her daughter’s raging tone.

“So, basically, I’m just stuck here waiting until she gets her head out of her ass?” 

“Have a little patience, honey. You two have waited over a decade, one way or another, to be together. You sure can wait a few weeks more.” Maria smiled as she reached out for Hannah’s hands who were fiddling with a teaspoon. 

“That’s the thing, Mama.” Hannah sighed as she looked up to meet her mom’s eyes. “I don’t think it’s just going to be weeks.”

“You don’t?” The woman frowned. “Well maybe she’s more stubborn than I thought.”

Hannah shook her head and then noticed her mother’s features had suddenly softened into a smile and she was looking straight over her shoulder. Hannah turned to see Ethan walking into the kitchen in his signature crisp work suit.

“Hi Ethan,” Hannah smiled at him and then looked up at the clock over the fridge before standing up and shrugging. “I should go. Spend the night with my fiancée before I’m banished back to my childhood home for the weekend like a love sick teenager.”

As she left the kitchen dramatically, she heard Ethan ask Maria. “That bad?”

“She’s pissed off,” Hannah heard her mom whisper back, “can’t say I blame her but she needs to make an attempt to see this from the other side, so to speak.”

With an angry growl, Hannah slammed the door and set off walking back to their apartment, in even more of  bad mood than she’d been in when she arrived at her mother’s. 

 Why was anyone treating her like she was the spoiled brat?

****

Ari was getting ready for Hannah’s arrival. He had been cooking, or sort of, making an attempt at dinner for a while and was now setting the table for two. He wanted to make tonight special as he knew this week was going to be the third weekend out of six that he and Hannah would be apart thanks to Sarah and her fucking rules. 

He was finding it hard himself. He’d gotten used to sleeping besides his Firefly since they had got together in Sudan, especially at night. But he knew Hannah was finding it harder. He was sacrificing their time together so that he could spend his allotted weekends with his daughter, which lessened the blow a little, but Hannah was basically being banned from living her life as it was for two days every two weeks, and that make his heart ache. 

And the worst bit about it all, was that he had seen it coming a mile off, and had been powerless to prevent it.

It was a bright Friday morning when they told Maya about their engagement. The previous evening Ari had proposed to Hannah for a second time after buying her a lavish ring. Thus, they had decided to take Maya for a walk and ice cream to break the news to her.  The little girl had been over the moon with the idea of her dad and Hannah getting married, which hadn’t surprised Ari seeing as his daughter had been all over his fiancé ever since they had met at Mossad headquarters the morning they had arrived home.

Now, as he approached Sarah’s apartment to take Maya back, he was about to tell his ex-wife and he was not particularly looking forward to it. But, he was being cautiously optimistic. Sarah had, after all, been amendable since they’d gotten home and seemed okay with Hannah being a part of Maya’s life.

Still, he felt his stomach churn as Maya walked up the apartment they had all shared once upon a time, and rang the doorbell.  No sooner had Sarah opened the door, Maya bounced in blurting the news out without hesitation.

 “Mom, guess what? Dad and Han are getting married! He asked her yesterday and she said yes!”

Ari groaned internally to himself, “Sarah, I didn’t ask her last night,” he smiled bashfully as he explained himself, “and I certainly didn’t do it in front of Maya.”

Sarah shook her head and brushed it off.  “Don’t worry, Ari and … erm, congratulations, I guess.”

“Erm… thanks.” Ari blinked. “I just thought you should hear it from me first… even if you technically did hear it from Munch.”

Despite the civil exchange, Ari could tell that Sarah was hating she didn’t have time nor the privacy to digest the news, and that wasn’t what he’d planned at all. He’d wanted to tell her, quickly, and leave, but Maya had put paid to his plans. Ari could feel coldness of his estranged wife’s stare, along with the tell-tale faint twitch of her nose and upper lip. He knew Sarah well and he, also knew how she deep down felt about him and Hannah. 

“She seemed cool about it but I know her, Han. Too cool for Sarah.” Ari told Hannah that night over dinner. “I can’t help feeling this is going to be bad…”

For once, Ari wished to God he’d been proven wrong. But, Sarah ended up doing what he feared, reverting back to being petty and petulant. She called him the next day to announce from that moment on, when Maya stayed with him, be it during the week or on her agreed weekends, Hannah wasn’t to be there overnight because, as Sarah had put it, it wasn’t appropriate for Maya to be around when they were… well, “up to stuff.

Hannah went ballistic, telling Ari his estranged wife was being ridiculous and she could go to hell, but Ari knew Sarah well enough to know she needed to get this out of her system. He tried his best to explain to Hannah that until she did, there was nothing he could do but roll with it, certainly for the time being. Making Sarah angry would not only risk her going back on terms of the divorce they’d set out in their separation degree, but also, he feared, make her get pissy about him seeing Maya. And that simply wasn’t something he was prepared to risk. He’d already missed too much of Maya over the years, admittedly through his own fault, but he didn’t want to miss a single second more than he had to.

Just as Ari was turning down the heat under their dinner, Simon’s ears pricked up and a second later Hannah’s key was heard in the door. Air smiled at the dog, who let out an excited whine, and leaned to give him a scratch behind his ears.

“Mama’s home, buddy.”

The pooch looked up at his master almost like he was pondering his words and Ari scoffed. 

Yeah, home. Bar the weekends when she’s banished to her mother's…

 Simon trotted off and soon after Ari heard Hannah greeting him. A moment later she walked into the living area and gave him a tired, but genuine smile. 

“Hey Lobo.”

 Ari beamed at his fiancé as he walked to meet her and without warning, he grabbed her face with both hands and stamped his lips on her plump ones, kissing the hell out of her. Hannah moaned in surprise but melted into his hold, her hands instantly reaching for Ari’s bearded cheeks.

“Hey Firefly.” He whispered when he broke the kiss.

She smiled at him as her hands travelled upwards and tangled in his hair. “Something smells good.”

“Thanks, I just showered.” Ari drawled, a cheeky smile on his face.

“I meant the food, you ass.” Hannah laughed as one of her hands slapped Ari shoulder, but his grin never faded.

“I’m a whole meal, honey.” He continued, playfully. Hannah rolled her eyes and stepped back. “But yeah, I’ve been cooking or rather mixing things in pots and pans.”

“Hmmm should I be worried?” She shrugged off the light jacket she was wearing to shield her from the summer showers.

“Well, Simon tasted everything and he’s still breathing.”

“Simon used to eat jellyfish, Ari. That’s not a bar to measure your cooking with.”

“Hey, I tried, okay? Give me some credit. I’ve never cooked for a woman before.” He grabbed her hips and pressed her to his body, one of his big hands splaying over her back.

At that Hannah smiled at him lovingly. He was right. She suspected he had never cooked for Sarah and he certainly hadn’t cooked for her, not once. Never in the brief amount of time they had been secretly dating, and at the resort it had been Chef Aziz's job to cook for everyone.

“I’m honoured, and I’m sure it’ll be great. Give me five to go wash up okay?”

“Sure, babe. I’ll plate the food and open the wine.” He winked at her and Hannah stood on her toes and gave him another quick peck before she headed into the bedroom, Simon following her.

True to his word Ari had done a pretty good job and thirty minutes later they were both sat at the table after having enjoyed a dammed passable and tasty attempt at a beef stroganoff on Ari’s part that left Hannah pleasantly surprised. 

She sighed with satisfaction as she left her fork on her plate and when she looked up she noticed Ari was looking at her intently, his eyes shining under those long eyelashes.

“You trying to seduce me before my carriage turns into a pumpkin tomorrow, Levinson?” Hannah asked before bringing her glass of wine to her lips.

“Hannah...” he sighed.

“What?”

“Please don’t, sweetheart. I don’t want to argue.” 

It was her turn to sigh, heavily. Ari’s words were more of a plea than a warning to her, but she couldn’t help the way she was feeling. Granted, she wasn’t quite as pissed as when she had left her mother’s house, but she still had a sour feeling which was nagging at her. 

“I don’t want to either, Ari. I just don’t like the prospect of spending my weekend away from you. Again.”

“And you think I do?” He asked, reaching for her hand over the table. “Honey, this won’t be forever. Sarah just needs to get her stupid tantrum out of her system.”

“Yeah, I know and I don’t want you having trouble with Maya because of me, I wouldn’t keep you from Munch, ever. But you’re my fiancé and I just...” she trailed off, shrugging, “I don’t want us to be apart.”

Ari licked his lips and pondered for a moment as he looked at their entwined hands. “Okay, I’ll talk to her when I pick Maya up tomorrow.” He nodded with determination when he looked up at her. “See if I can reason with her and...”

“Don’t Ari. You’ll only set her off.” Hannah rapidly cut him off.

Ari groaned and let go of her hand, his look and voice growing harder. “Well then, what do you want me to do? You literally just said-“

“I know, but I don’t want you to poke the bear! I just want this fucking ridiculous situation to be over.” Hannah shook her head. She knew she was riling Air up, but she was sick of everyone trying to get her to accept the situation they were in without so much as a word of complaint. “I’m not blaming you, it’s just…forget it, can we just pretend we are a normal couple who are having a normal evening dinner?”

“We are a normal couple. Well, as normal as most anyway.” Ari took her hand again, his features softening. “Look, I’m sorry. I really am. I just don’t know what I can do.”

“Love me.” Hannah stated after a while.

Now that puzzled Ari. Was that a request or was she doubting him. She couldn’t be doubting him, right? With concern written all over his face he pushed his chair back to stand up and hurriedly crouched beside Hannah, his hands grabbing her thighs firmly as his eyes searched for something in hers. 

“Firefly, I do love you. You know this… I mean, at least, I hope you do.”

“I do.” She nodded as she looked down to him. “Just don’t stop loving me, no matter what crazy ideas Sarah comes up with.” 

“Hannah, that’s not gonna happen.” He assured her after swallowing hard. “I promise you. Nothing she says or does is gonna change the way I feel about you.” 

****

Ari meant what he said and took it upon himself to make sure his Firefly was left with no doubt as to his feelings for her all through the night. And then again he made sure she hadn’t forgotten the following morning too before she left to pick Sammy up from the airport.

Ari collected Maya, as arranged, from the summer holiday camp run by her school and then, throwing caution to the wind, took her to Maria’s to see not only Hannah, but Sammy and the family. Hannah was surprised, but pleased to see them both and hugged Maya tight as the girl threw herself at her, chatting away about her day. They ate a lovely dinner, courtesy of Maria, and later, retired to the shared garden in the warm, July air. 

As Maya sat with Sammy, who was telling her stories about the states and Rachel’s kids, Ari found himself watching Hannah. She was sat with her mom and Ethan, the three of them sipping wine as the dusk drew in. It wasn’t long before the first little twinkles around the tree flashed through the darkness, signalling the fireflies had come out to play. 

Ari’s mind quickly travelled back to when he first met Hannah, how those little bugs had been present in the garden, earning her the nickname. His nickname for her, which had stuck and become a term of his love for her, symbolised by the pendant round her neck. It was that pendant, or more specifically how he had given her that pendant, which had fixed the idea on how to present her with the sparkling sapphire and diamond ring on her finger…

It was a Thursday morning, and Hannah walked into the bedroom after her morning shower. Ari looked up from where he was fastening up his short sleeved shirt and smiled as she grinned back at him. 

“You really do suit that colour, pretty sure Ethan’s secretary will approve.”

“Ethan’s secretary?” Ari continued, stopping two buttons under the collar.

“Yeah, that’s what I said Lobo.” 

“Ethan’s secretary is nearly a hundred years old, Firefly.” Ari rolled his eyes with a chuckle, his hands on his hips as Hannah frowned.

“Well who was the young, blonde girl at her desk the other day when I called in?” She picked up her hairbrush from the top of the chest of drawers that served as her vanity unit.

“Lorraine? She’s an intern, Mrs Goldman is training her.”

“She likes you. I can tell.” Hannah hummed, combing out her locks which had been piled on top of her head to prevent them getting wet.

Ari rolled his eyes as Hannah pulled her hair back into a neat ponytail. “Whatever.”

“You can whatever me all you want,” Hannah sang as she picked up a bottle of lotion and sat on the bed, “I can sense these things.”

Ari snorted, looking down at his girl as she sat on the bed applying lotion to her legs. “You getting all territorial on me?”

“Do I need to?”

“Don’t be an ass!” Ari snorted, leaning down to kiss her. 

As they moved around the room, Ari took his time, a lot longer than usual, dragging his morning routine out as long as possible. If Hannah noticed he was making a meal out of tidying his beard up, something he had taken to doing since returning to civilisation, she didn’t notice.

He was stalling for one reason, and one reason only. The surprise that was waiting for her in her underwear drawer.

After what seemed like an age, she crossed the room and pulled it open. Ari held his breath as she reached in for a pair of panties, but instead she gasped, he hand flying to her mouth.

Bingo.

When Hannah spun around, the red, velvet box in her hand, Ari was waiting on one knee, beaming up at her. “Still wanna marry me, Firefly?”

Tears brimmed in her eyes and she nodded, her voice thick with emotion, “yes, you know I do!”

“Had to ask with a ring, sweetheart.”

He watched as she opened it, her mouth dropping open once more as she stared at the ring. 

“Lobo, it’s gorgeous… I… I love it!”

As Ari rose to his feet, he sighed with relief, “good, ‘cause I had a hard time finding something worthy of my girl.”

“It reminds me of the ocean,” she smiled up at him, “and your eyes.”

“Kinda why I bought it, the ocean that is.” Ari smiled as he took the ring from the box, slipping it over her knuckle, watching as the sapphire settled at the base of her finger. “Hannah Maria Navon, I love you, baby girl.”

Hannah glanced at the ring before she beamed, her hands cupping his cheeks, “and I love you, Ari David Levinson.”

Ari smirked a little at the memory, they were totally late for work after getting a little ‘distracted’ so to speak celebrating their engagement once more, only this time in a bed and not the back of a shitty jeep in the Sudanese desert. 

“Dad?” Maya bounced into his lap, drawing a huff from him as she accidentally elbowed him in the ribs, “Are those fireflies?”

“They are Munch.” He nodded, kissing her head as she watched them zipping around. “Can you see now why I call Hannah my Firefly?”

She grinned, “yip!”

Hannah, who had been watching them, cleared her throat. “Ari, it’s getting late. Shouldn’t you two be heading back to your apartment?”

Ari looked at her pointedly. “Our apartment, sweetheart.”

Hannah was about to shoot a response back but then remembered Maya was there so she merely sighed. “Ari, look, you shouldn’t even be here now anyway. It’s not worth the argument if she finds out.”

“Why can’t we stay here, dad? I wanna stay with Han!” Maya piped up and Hannah groaned a little, shooting Ari a look.

“Because Han needs to stay with Sammy tonight, she’s not seen him for a while. You can stay some other time, okay?”

“I’m not gonna say anything to Mom if that’s what you scared of.”

At that, Ari and Hannah exchanged a look. “Why do you say that? Why would we be scared?” He asked and Maya shrugged.

“I heard Mom say some things.”

“What things, Munchkin?” Ari smoothed her long hair back and waited for her to reply.

“Well, I was upset, because at first I thought Hannah didn’t like me anymore as she always left when I stayed over. But one day last week, I heard Mom tell Grandma on the phone she had made you and Hannah spend the weekends apart because I was with you.” Maya paused and looked at Hannah, “Is that why you don’t stay with us at the apartment?”

Hannah blinked, she was stuck. She didn’t want to lie but also didn’t want to start bad mouthing Sarah in front of Maya, no matter how tempting. “Erm, it’s, well it’s complicated, sweetie. You and your dad need to spend time together. But I promise you it’s absolutely not because I don’t like you. I do, I love you very much.”

At that Maya stood up and launched herself at Hannah.  “I love you too, Han.”

Ari and Hannah could do nothing but exchange a look, which Hannah broke as she leaned down to hug Maya, tears visible in her eyes.

And it left Ari feeling even more like shit than he already did.

No, he had to fix this, even if it meant pulling Sarah up on her attitude despite Hannah asking him not to. Whilst he understood Sarah’s anger, and that she had every right to direct it at him, the fact that it was clearly having an impact on Maya was something he couldn’t let slide.

With a sigh, he stood up, instructing Maya to bid everyone good night. Before he left, he pulled Hannah into a kiss, his hands cupping her face.

“I’m gonna fix this,” he whispered against her lips, “trust me, baby.”

“I do.” She sniffed a little, her nose bumping his. “Go, go on. I’ll see you Sunday.”

As they walked the few blocks home, Maya’s hand locked in Ari’s, he was only partially listening to his daughter as she spoke. 

“Dad!” Her voice drew him from his thoughts about how exactly he was going to approach the subject with his soon to be ex-wife. He glanced down at her.

“What?”

“We’re you listening to a word I just said?”

“Honestly, no!”

“Daaaaaad!” She whined and Ari chuckled.

 “I’m sorry baby, what were you saying?”

“I was saying that I should get Hannah something for luck.”

“What do you mean?”

 “Well, Mom was talking to Auntie Louisa, and she said that Hannah was going to need plenty of luck being married to you so…”

Ari took a deep breath, anger flashing through his system, rolling his eyes. “Oh, did she?”

“Yup.” Maya nodded.

“And, do you think Hannah’s gonna need luck?”

Maya looked at him, and grinned cheekily. “Well, you are an idiot!”

“Rude!” Ari narrowed his eyes playfully, “mind you, technically, you might look more like your mom but you’re half me. Guess that makes you half an idiot, huh?”

Maya went to dig him in the ribs and with a chuckle, Ari swung her up and onto his shoulders. Her hands tangled in his hair as she giggled, before she leaned down, fingers threading into his beard.

“Han’s right, you do look like a wolf.”

Ari laughed, his hands tightening around his daughter’s ankles as her heels lightly bounced against his chest with each step he took.

#leave no one behind #ari levinson x ofc #ari levinson x original female character #Ari Levinson #ari levinson fanfiction #red sea diving resort #red sea diving resort fan fic #chris evans #chris evans characters

[lordoftherazzles]

I absolutely LOVE answering questions about fics or writing in general, so of course I needed to participate in this week’s “weekend wips”! Here is a link to the original post by @fellowshipofthefics!

💜Feel free to ask me your own questions as well!!💜

I would LOVE to chat with my followers, anything you want to ask about my fics is fair game and I’ll do my best to give you a great answer! But anyway, PART 1 OF 2 for the weekend wips interview session!

Answering honestly, what do you really think of your writing?

I am usually quite proud and fond of my writing!! I’ve surpassed the negative thought process of not being able to read my own works and now find myself enjoying going back and rereading the things I’ve posted (and not posted ehehehe). With every new piece I feel my skills, as well as my love for my own writing, growing and that’s something important for any writer, I think.

What made you want to start writing fanfiction?

Honestly, I had been RP writing for a LONG time, and it was weighing way too heavy on me. The expectations that others set on me and that I had of others just didn’t align. It became unenjoyable and ultimately I needed to step away from the majority of all of that.

I wanted to continue writing, and have always wondering what it might be like to write my own stories versus relying on others, and I gave it a shot with some much needed encouragement of some weedy mutuals. Here we are!

How many fandoms have you written for?

As far as fanfiction goes, I’ve really only written for The Hobbit, though I have done a handful of VERY SMALL WWDITS drabbles for some ask games! But as far as writing as a whole goes.

I have dabbled in a few other fandoms such as Dragon Age, Final Fantasy, and some original works/world building back in my rp days.

Which do you prefer writing: one/two-shots or multi-chapter fics?

Yes.

I like doing both, I feel like the one shots are a nice break from the heavy worlds of multichapter fics and give me an opportunity to play with things that don’t really fit into any of the bigger stories I have. If I have an itch to quell writing wise, one shots are sometimes the best cure.

That being said, I really do love the big stories and multichapter fics as well. I’ve really gotten to enjoy fleshing out bigger tales and getting to enjoy a story alongside the readers! I have a general idea of how the fic with go (through amazingly detailed bullet points....kind of), but they can always go sideways or change in ways I didn’t expect. Being invested in a longer story as a reader and a writer always seems to appeal to me more.

What’s the WIP/finished work you wish people would ask you about?

All of them LMAO

- May Your Forge Burn Bright - Where the Shadows Lie - Bookbinder//Songwriter - Kurdu ‘abadaz

What’s the WIP/finished work that you usually get asked about instead?

Dragonhearted - this is the fic that always lands in my inbox when ask games happen, I feel. It may be the “second place” fic behind MYFBB, but it certainly seemed to gain the most interest when it comes to questions!

Which character(s) is easiest to write about?

Thorin, I have been writing within his headspace for the longest of any character now, spanning over a few years. I like to think I have my own headcanons, mannerisms etc built into me that make him the easiest character to portray. Bilbo is getting there though the more I write him, they’re both very enjoyable.

Which character(s) is hardest to write about?

Thranduil, absolutely. Or any of the LOTR characters (not that I’ve dabbled in this, though I’d like to?) Thranduil just has an elegance about him that I find intimidating to capture. He’s a fun character, but I always have to second guess myself when it comes to writing him in any one shots or fics.

Do you see the Hobbit as your “retirement fandom” or do you still have the itch to write for other fandoms? (from @sunnyrosewritesstuff​)

I am honestly not sure!! I wouldn’t mind dipping my toe into the WWDITS fandom as far as writing actual fics goes, but my nerves keep me stuck to what I know ahaha. So we’ll see. I see myself writing within the Hobbit fandom for a VERY long time, though.💜

#weekend wips #razzy's rambles #ask me anything you want!!

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

I don’t get you, CJ. Why are you so quick to throw around the term “bad writing” when you don’t agree with something? Why not simply chalk it up to having different likes or dislikes than other people and move on?

Instead of deconstructing characters you don’t like, why not use your platform to empower other voices and highlight others with different tastes or opinions than you? Different people notice different things about the games. That’s one of the nice things about fandom.

You clearly love writing and analysis, but when you post answers to asks that hold different opinions than you’re own, you often go “you’re valid, but…” and launch into paragraphs upon paragraphs of your opposite opinion rather than truly exploring theirs.

I guess what I’m trying to say is I think your blog and analyses would be stronger if rather than dismissing plot points or characters as “bad writing” you step outside yourself and ask others what they see in that writing since it’s not connecting with you.

To be fair, anon, I don't get me either.

But I hear you, so if you'll allow me to do the thing where I launch into paragraphs upon paragraphs, let's talk about this.

I assume this might've come about because of the recent Violet talk here? Or maybe it's from older posts, I dunno, you didn't specify so I can only speculate and use the Violet posts as the main example here.

So here's the thing... deconstructing characters and storylines is something I enjoy doing. Hell, it's one of my favorite things to do. It doesn't matter if I like or dislike the character, or if I agree with plot directions, or if I think it's "good" or "bad" writing. That's how I work things out for myself, how I try to understand why I'm feeling the way I am about certain characters and story elements. I break apart the different aspects of these things and analyze them so that I can improve the content I create and try to avoid the same mistakes I've come across that I wanted to be better.

When it comes to me tossing around "bad writing", or just implying it, I'm not trying to say that "bad writing = trash, garbage, unenjoyable, anyone who likes this is a dingus, how could you?" it's more "I see flaws here and I want it to be better, I know it can be better and it frustrates me that I can't fix it," y'know?

And I'm fully aware that other people might not see it that way. With that basketball Violet post, I know that a lot of the Violet crowd are gonna read that and be like "no, I love the bell tower scene! It fits well with her character! What are you talking about?" and that's fine, I expect that. That post was me writing something that's been on my mind that I wanted to share, it wasn't me trying to scold anyone for liking it or trying to dismiss their feelings about it.

When it comes to differing opinions, especially on Violet, I've come to the conclusion that we just gotta agree to disagree. I've tried for years at this point to understand the appeal of Violet and gone looking for answers about her in hopes of being enlightened, and I have asked around.

In the past, I have made posts inquiring about what people see in Violet [Minerva, too] and why they prefer Violentine, and I got little to nothing in response. So I totally get where you're coming from when you say I should ask others what they see in the writing that I don't, but there's only so much I can do when no one is willing to answer me. So, I have to look around myself.

I've searched through several threads on reddit and none of them have been insightful, unsurprisingly.

That's what sparked my mini-rant about Louis before. On reddit, a lot of the answers on why people like Violet are either "she sided with Clementine, she's just really sweet deep down, she has more trauma, and lesbian," or "I like Violet more because Louis is a traitor," and what the hell am I supposed to get out of that, y'know? They're not really telling me anything, they're just looking to argue among themselves and I've had to throw in the towel on that one.

I've had better luck here, having read some truly insightful posts about Violet, her arc, and her relationship with Clementine. The conclusion I've reached it that the things people find appealing about her are things that I don't.

If you need an example, we'll use the aftermath of Marlon's murder when Violet turns on the group to defend AJ. Every post from the Violet crowd I've read that talks about that scene praises her for turning against her friends/family to defend AJ when they were gonna attack him, it shows what she's willing to do for them, that's something that drew them to her. Then there's me, who sees that as adding unnecessary aggression to the situation when none of them were going to attack AJ, they weren't looking at AJ, and none of this is helping. Neither of these interpretations are wrong.

Guess what I'm trying to get at is I'm one person, and having discussions takes more than one willing person.

Moving on, "when you post answers to asks that hold different opinions than you’re own, you often go “you’re valid, but…” and launch into paragraphs upon paragraphs of your opposite opinion rather than truly exploring theirs."

I've thought about this for a while, and maybe I do actually do this but don't realize it. I like to think that I'm engaging with the ideas that people send me, but I dunno, maybe I can be dismissive of things because I have a hard time being objective. That's something I've always struggled with, and I'm sorry if I ever came across as dismissive or didn't fully explore ideas, that's something I can definitely get better at.

As for "why not use your platform to empower other voices and highlight others with different tastes or opinions than you? Different people notice different things about the games. That’s one of the nice things about fandom."

I've done character nights, ship nights, season nights, etc. for about two years, give or take. That's what those nights were about. Usually, I'd put up a poll and we'd all vote on what we wanted to discuss, and then the floor was open for anyone to give their input, and we'd discuss.

I stopped doing them a little while ago because I was burnt out on themed nights. Remembering to make new polls, setting aside part of my weekends to spend hours answering asks the best I could, usually dealing with other projects on top of it all.... it may not seem like it, but god, those nights took a lot out of me. I loved doing it! Having those discussions were some of the best parts of running this blog, but now my new job has me working 40+ hours a week, four days with ten hour shifts and occasionally some overtime on the weekends, I just don't have it in me anymore to do it every single weekend. Not with how tired I am and with all the other projects I'm working on.

That's why I've started testing the waters with these shorter posts of me throwing out ideas or going on mini-rants. They're something simple I can do with no pressure, just me with an empty document getting whatever's on my mind out... and it helps that it feels like my last fuck has just flown away to the heavens to weave itself into the boat god's beard like as he sails among the clouds and stars..... so now I'm gonna talk about whatever I want and the fact that it's my opinion is implied.

I'm sorry if I'm coming off as a little defensive with this part, I tend to get that way whenever people tell me what I should or shouldn't do with my blog, even if they're just trying to be helpful and I don't believe you have any ill intent with your message. I've had this blog for three years now, and I've always had people telling me I shouldn't do character analyses, I should stay in my lane, just write fanfics and do character nights. I should answer more asks otherwise people will think I don't care. I shouldn't write headcanon posts, that's what other blogs do and I'll be taking content away from them. I shouldn't write that one au I've always wanted to because I should be working on [with you]. I shouldn't write anything but [with you.] I shouldn't talk about Violet because I'm a Louis blog.

And that's dumb. All of that is dumb! No one owns the concept of headcanon posts or character analyses! Just like how I don't own the concept of character nights!

Again, my last fuck is lost in Kenny's beard, I don't have it anymore. I'm going to write and analyze whatever I want, when I want, and the best I can do is promise to be better. My inbox is open, I'll try to answer and engage with you guys when I can, I'll keep doing these posts where I ramble about whatever topic is on my mind, and I shouldn't have to put a disclaimer of "This is all my opinion and it's okay if you disagree, I'm not trying to invalidate you" because that's implied.

Before I close out this long response, I do wanna add a thank you for the ask, I do appreciate the constructive criticism. Usually anons that have any problem with me after I talk about Violet will just call me a piece of shit and tell me to delete my blog. Maybe this helped you, maybe it didn't, either way thanks :)

#asks #twdg clementine #twdg louis #twdg violet

[babyflossy]

i promise | m.l

gif credits to owner

pairing: mark x reader

requested: yes! my requests are open!

summary: you and mark had been inseparable since birth, you had done everything together. that is, until he starts ignoring you in your senior year.

genre: highschool au, angst, fluff, best friends to enemies(?) to friends to lovers au i guess

warnings: underage drinking

word count: 3.1k (i got carried away)

mark lee had been a constant in your life since your first memory. in fact, your very first was of him; you were in preschool and you had laughed as he was told off by the teacher for breaking a toy plane. it was hard for you to remember anything big in your life that hadn't included mark. your first day of elementary, middle, and high school started by the two of you catching the bus together, talking excitedly about how this was going to be the best school year yet.

he was always there. until he wasn't.

at first it didn't bother you; it was well known that friends naturally drifted apart as they grew up. but when he started avoiding you in the hallways, gaze shooting away when you met eyes, you couldn't deny it hurt you. it hurt that the one person you thought would be with you through everything, the person that had been with you through everything, seemed to be growing tired of you.

it was the first time mark lee didn't sit with you on the bus on the first day of school. instead, he slumped in the seat next to donghyuck, a tanned boy with a fiery personality who had adopted the name haechan throughout highschool. he was rowdy and disruptive and everything you weren't. it may have been the first time mark sat with someone else, but it wasn't the first time you found your thoughts clouded with him the whole day.

as the year progressed, your relationship with mark deteriorated into nothing. the only word to describe him now was a stranger. whenever he wasn't avoiding you, he was laughing loudly with his new friends, a group of six others from varying year groups. you wondered what about them was special enough for him to basically exile you. you decided you didn't want to know.

the only link you now had to your ex-best friend was a boy named jaemin who you partnered with in chemistry, and who flirted incessantly without fail. you were used to it now, avoiding burning cheeks and shy smiles unlike the start of the year. it wasn't that jaemin was a bad person, you just couldn't help but notice how completely and utterly different he was to mark. then again, you guessed time changed people in ways you wouldn't understand.

the school buzzed, as per usual, with the news of hwang hyunjin's upcoming party. the only difference about this particular one however, was you being invited due to your friendship with his friend minho. you had never been one for parties, finding the obnoxious mix of loud teenagers and bass-heavy music unenjoyable at the best of times.

but that was then, and this is now. this is now and as you pulled up your black jeans and looked at yourself in the mirror, you couldn't help but feel a surge of excitement. the dark brown you had smoked around your eyes made you look far more confident than you felt, eyeing the skin-tight outfit with slight apprehension. it wasn't over the top, but it showed your figure in the most flattering way and you made a mental note to thank yeri later for helping you pick it out.

the first thing you remember thinking when you first entered the house was that your eardrums were gonna burst. the second thing you remember thinking was that mark lee looked really good leaning against the wall opposite, even if his eyes were focused on his drink. your eyes followed his gaze to a blonde stood next to him, and you looked away immediately once you realised she was trying to get his attention. her giggling fell on deaf ears as he watched you head straight to the drinks table, stopping to talk with hyunjin on the way. a dark leather jacket clung to his arms as he slung one around your shoulders, smiling down at you and handing you an empty red solo cup. you surveyed the options on the table, equal parts impressed and concerned at the wide array of spirits and beers. deciding now was as good a time as ever to find out what your favourite alcohol was, you picked up an unnatural blue bottle, filling your cup to halfway. it was sweet and slipped down your throat with surprising warmth, enticing you to finish the cup.

you should have known there was no coming back after the first drink.

time had lost meaning to you hours ago, your head swimming as you swayed with yeri on the dancefloor. you had lost count of how many drinks you had consumed quickly after you entered, finding it much more enjoyable to just try everything. from across the room, a blue-haired boy slinked his way through the crowds of people, a devilish smirk on his face. jaemin slid behind you, resting his hands on your waist to stop you moving so he could lean down the whisper in your ear.

"we're doing shots in the kitchen, wanna join?" under any other circumstance, you would deny straight away, but something about his hands on your waist and the loud music made you forget your worries, grinning at him and letting him lead you away.

the kitchen was the only room in the house with sufficient lighting to see people properly. it was white and blinking and it hurt your eyes momentarily, your vision swimming. it was only when he let you go that you realised jaemin's hands had remained around your waist the whole journey to the kitchen. after your eyesight had recovered, your gaze swept across the other people jaemin had deemed worthy to do shots with. donghyuck stood whispering something to a boy you knew as lee jeno, the school's star quarterback. on his left was huang renjun, the person who had tutored through your chinese class in freshman year. at the end of the countertop was the only pair of juniors deemed worthy enough to be invited to senior parties. park jisung and zhong chenle.

the last person in the small gathering stopped talking to renjun when he saw you and jaemin enter. mark lee stared at you wide-eyed, a shot glass halfway to his mouth. he shot jaemin an exasperated look over your head, rolling his eyes in a way that made you feel somewhat undeserving to be stood with his group. donghyuck's smile when he saw you was teetering on diabolical and you watched him cautiously as you reached over the cool marble to grasp the clear shot glass he offered.

"this is y/n, she's my chem partner," jaemin's voice was accompanied by the loud clink of glass bottles bumping together. jeno nodded in recognition, smiling at you as he pulled two clear bottles from the centre of the table, reading both labels before choosing the bigger one. as if instructed, everyone placed their shot glasses into the middle of the counter and you followed suit. some of the liquid spilled over the edge of the glasses as jeno filled them all.

right before you lifted it to your lips, haechan spoke up, "well, y/n, i hope you're not a lightweight." you shot him a fearless grin before downing the liquor, allowing yourself to revel in the way it burned the back of your throat.

despite the fact you were halfway to wasted, you found yourself regretting judging mark's new friends so early on. they were all so welcoming to you and you fit into their dynamic easily realising over many shots and glasses of cheap alcopops they were all actually really cool people. haechan matched your humour and made you laugh so hard you thought you were going to throw up; renjun relived all the memories you had shared from tutoring lessons, telling you through near tears how bad your pronunciation had been; jeno had indulged you with embarrassing stories of the whole group, jaemin hitting him on the back of the head when he spilled jaemin's crush on your spanish teacher. even jisung and chenle had joked around with you, mainly make fun of you for being so much shorter than them.

it felt like you had known them all for years, except the only one you actually had known for years. mark had expertly avoided every attempt from the others to prompt the two of you to so much as acknowledge each other. you couldn't help but think there was something they all knew that you didn't, but the dizzying mix of laughter and the alcohol in your system distracted you swiftly.

the first time he outwardly mentioned you was to stop jeno from filling your shot glass again. you pouted in response and mark nearly froze, the unpleasant skipping of his heart making him feel ill. "guys stop, she's already wasted." it wasn't untrue, but the blatant concern in his voice swirled up a bewildering mix of emotions. joy that he obviously still cared about you deep down but anger that he thinks he can ignore you for the better half of a year, pretending you don't deserve the time of day, and suddenly control your actions. you would have fought back if your vision would stop betraying you and leaving you with an inability to focus on much.

when donghyuck had joked about you being a lightweight, he hadn't taken into account the fact that you were much smaller than all of them. it was stupid of them to think you would be able to drink as much as jeno, the football star for christ's sake. when you tried to walk to the sink for a glass of water, you had swayed so much on your feet jaemin's hands returned to their earlier position on your waist, steadying you with a chuckle.

you listened to them chat back and forth as you focused on the pleasant coldness of the water. it soothed the growing ache in your head but did little to clear the haze over your eyes. "you wanna dip? we could go get mcdonald's?" you think it was jisung who spoke. but maybe it was chenle. their voices blended to one as you refilled your glass.

unaware of their silent debate, you looked up in surprise to see them all staring at you. it was donghyuck who voiced their question. "do you wanna come with, y/n? we're gonna get food and then probably go back to mark's house." the first sensible thought in a while enters your head. do you really want to leave all of your friends here and leave with a group of boys you barely know while intoxicated? maybe it wouldn't be a very good idea–

"guys, i don't think it's a good idea, she should stay here." there mark goes again with his concern, his attempt to exile you again. it was pathetic really, but this was the first time in so long you had been able to see him, and you didn't want it to end.

"yeah i wanna come." as you followed jisung out the party to the front door, you missed the icy glare mark shot haechan, and the amused quirk of the younger boy's eyebrow in response.

mcdonald's is deserted at nearly three am on a saturday. the walk from hyunjin’s house had involved haechan pushing you on his skateboard to stop you falling over every fifth step. he laughed loudly at your screams when he pushes you too fast, his strong grip on you not letting you fall. jeno and jisung skated in front of you, their balance much more impressive than yours. inside, you all crowd around one of the touchscreen machines and add more and more food to the order, playing rock-paper-scissors to decide who has to pay and cheering in triumph when hyuck is the loser. he grumbles about how he shouldn't have lost when it was his idea to play as he pushes his card into the reader.

it takes fifteen minutes of you all giggling like toddlers for your food to be ready, trying to all fit into one booth. you end up balanced on jaemin's left thigh and mark's right and you can almost feel the differences in their personalities from the way they sit. jaemin's free hand is rested on top of your black jeans, his chin coming down periodically onto your shoulder so you can feed him fries. mark is stiff, sitting in any position that means he doesn't have to touch you. you're unaware of his heart hammering in his chest.

the food helps sober you up enough for you to be able to walk unattended, still sipping on your strawberry milkshake – you had nearly coughed it over the table when renjun playfully choked chenle over a joke he made. the remaining alcohol in your system helped a warm feeling of belonging settle in your chest, your words still slurring together slightly.

the group decided to take you to one of their favourite "hang out places" as jeno had so ominously put it. you were curious to see where you ended up, but seeing as you had had more fun in the past six hours than in the past six months, you didn't really care. a skate park happened to be the mysterious location they were taking you to and you shouldn't have been so surprised considering it seemed to be their main mode of transport.

jisung shot in front, still on his board, flying down one of the ramps and hooting in glee at the feeling of the warm night breeze through his hair. jeno and haechan followed close behind, leaving the rest of you to sit on the edge of one of the ramps, dangling your legs over the edge. chenle and renjun sat on your left talking light-heartedly in rushed chinese. they snickered at your confused face, chenle telling renjun he must have been a terrible tutor, receiving a swift slap to the back of his head in return. you simply laughed at their playful arguing and turned to face jaemin and mark.

jaemin sat separating you two, his eyes watching the others skate around at insane speed, heckling them every now and then. at some point, a speaker had been turned on and a lazy beat echoed through the deserted the park. you let yourself fall back, spine resting against the grass. it was a clear night, not a single cloud obstructing your view as you stared in awe at the sky. your eyes sparkled and the stars twinkled back at you, spreading a calmness through your veins.

eventually, jaemin had stood up and run quickly down the slope to avoiding falling, meeting the others and laughing as he nearly toppled into jisung. with chenle and renjun engrossed in their own conversation, it left you and mark unaccompanied. you hadn't expected him to say anything, to even notice you. shock filled you when you saw him shimmy next to you, lying back so you were sharing the same view.

"i'm sorry, y/n, i really am," his voice was quiet and heavy, choked up. when you said nothing in return, he leaned up on his elbow, looking down at you so he could read the expression on his face. it made him hard to ignore and as you met eyes, you couldn't help but think he looked breathtakingly beautiful from this angle.

"why'd you do it? what did i do wrong?" the vulnerability in your voice made him drop his eyes, scared to look at you. you returned your gaze to the stars and he returned to his position lying next to you.

"i was scared," a sniffle follows his words and your eyebrows furrow slightly. scared? scared of what, exactly? you thought, scoffing in your head. "i was scared that i would ruin our friendship by thinking of you as more than that." oh, is all you think. "i know it's been a long time, but seeing you tonight made me realise i would rather have you as a friend even if i can't have you as more, even if i still love you."

it was overwhelming. maybe because of how pretty the stars looked tonight, grounding you and making everything seem slightly more in perspective, or maybe because of the alcohol still pumping around your system, or maybe just because mark lee is finally sat next to you again and he's describing the feelings you've had since sixth grade but before you know it you're facing him again.

"promise you won't do it again?" there's a childlike innocence in your voice, and he's taken back to the time you made him promise not to steal your candy anymore. as if to punctuate, you bring your pinkie finger up between you, grinning when he wraps his around it and shakes.

"i promise."

you wait until he's facing away from you to speak again, "you know i've loved you since we were, like, ten, right?" he whips his head back to face you so fast you think he'll get whiplash, the stunned expression on his face causing a soft smile to spread on your lips. his eyes are lit up like this and you have a fleeting thought that they're way prettier than the stars above you.

the others melt away into the background, their shouts and laughter going unheard by the both of you and it strikes you suddenly how close your faces are, and you're unable to stop your eyes dropping to his lips where a sad smile rests. it feels as if you're the only people in the skate park, the only people in the city, in the world as your eyes meet once again, an unspoken agreement passing between them. you think your heart is gonna stop as he leans in slowly at first, then more desperately when you don't move away. his lips are warm and safe and more than you had ever imagined. you're so close together now that his cologne invades your senses in an intoxicating mix of familiarity and yearning. the hand that comes to rest on your waist instils a dizzying effect much different and stronger than the shots had earlier and you lean further into his touch.

when you separate, the air is different. your friends are still shouting and joking, you and mark going unnoticed by them. mark looks at you like you hold the answers to the universe. "maybe we could start over as more than friends then?"

"i'd like that."

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