#i just... always start thinking of how i couldve done it better

[mimisplayground]

If I can’t have you baby, no one else in this world can. ʅ（◞‿◟）ʃ

I hope everyone likes it! This is part two of my other Toji fic where he was jealoussssss~ I hope u all enjoy :3 (part one linked at da bottom)

Tags: Dacryphillia (brief), Rough sex, Mentions of Murder, Mean Toji, He talks abt marrying you during sex????? (not clickbait)(gone wrong)(gone sexual), Spanking (kinda brief too), JEALOUS TOJI!!!, very light bondage, HES SWEET BUT IN SUBTLE WAYS!!, Degrading, Overstimulation, Thigh Fucking (brief), Doggy Style, Mating Press

I couldve missed some tag sorryyyyyyy, MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!!!

——————

Toji hadn’t heard from you in a week. A whole week of no contact from you, and he could feel his eye twitch as he knocked on your door.

And he was even more angry when you opened the door with a bratty pout on your face. “What do you want Fushiguro?” You huffed out, frowning at him.

He had to resist the urge to lean forward to smother you entirely. He treats you real nice and you wanna call him by his last name? Like he didn’t have you screaming his first name only a week prior? “Wanna know why you’re ignoring me, baby.” He tries his luck with being sweet with you first, a disingenuous smile on his face.

He quickly regrets the sweet act when you roll your eyes in his face. “Made me block my other guy.” You muttered out, and Toji felt his hand fist up for a moment. “He was a good fuck,” you started off, stupid of you to do in Toji’s opinion “and you made me block him like you’re up here all that often anyways. Can’t keep me satisfied and got rid of the one who could.”

By the end of your sentence, Toji had reached the end of his patience. He leans forward, and his hand grips your shoulder for a moment. “Im gonna go, and I’m gonna bash that guys skull in. And when I’m done you’re gonna be on the bed, where I’m gonna fuck you so hard you forget your own name. Ok?” He was at a borderline whisper, and you felt yourself shuddering at the threat he spoke last time being reiterated.

You throw yourself to hug him when he goes to turn. The idea of some man dying just for getting his dick wet didn’t sit right with you. “Tojiiiii,” You whined out, looking at him as pitifully as you could. “I didnt mean it Toji, I was just trying to get you riled up.” You admitted bashfully (in a poor attempt to earn pity points from a man who doesn’t pity anything), ignoring how hot your face felt when you heard - and felt - his chuckle at the confession.

You’re led into your place, a hand gently cradling your back as you’re led to your room and you can’t help but think that your confession had subdued Toji’s anger, even momentarily.

So imagine your surprise when you find your face smushed into the bed, hands tied behind your back when a soft satin ribbon and your ass in the air. And the first time his hand landed on your ass it was shocking enough to make you jolt forward with a small squeal. The hits that came after still earning groans and grunts of pain from you.

Even if he wouldn’t admit it, he was being soft on you, he always was. But he made a promise that you would forget your own name and he intended to hold true on that.

“Fucking whore” he huffed, another smack landing on your ass “bratty bitch, gotta be put back in your place.” His hands grip your hips and you squirm in anticipation.

His fingers find their way inside you first, working you open with so much precision you felt he was playing you like an instrument. Three fingers deep inside, and god did they hit the perfect spots each time. “You tryna get dick from someone else? I’m all you need baby.” He says, jealous vemon laced in every word.

“Just you Toji, ‘m sorry, didn’t mean it.” You whined, and you hear a cruel laugh as his fingers leave you. “Now I’m Toji? Not Fushiguro?” He questions in a mean tone even as his hands massage your back.

(He said it was to help with prep when he first did it. Your questioning leaving him a bit scrambled before he claimed it made the sex better. You had believed him at first, until you realized it was just a small act of care. You never called him on it, you enjoyed it even.)

“Begging isn’t gonna work on me this time, cute little whore.” Toji says with a mocking coo, pushing his pants down to pump his dick with his own fist a few times. And as he stares at your back, he can’t help but want to break his own promise and just fuck into you. Not that he actually would, but he was tempted.

He slips his dick between your thighs, thrusting lightly and kissing at your neck. “Talking about another guy in front of me, giving me a bitchy ass attitude,” he seems to be recounting his grievances with you, a hand reach to grip your waist when you try to grind down onto the dick between your thighs. “Don’t know who you belong to yet? That it? Maybe I should put a ring on your finger and make you understand.” He groans, listening to your pleads for him to just put it in already.

And when he finally complies it’s like bliss. His hand is gripping your wrists before he unties the ribbon holding them together. Your hands grip the sheets at either side of you, and you sigh happily as he kisses your poor red wrists. You turn your head, kissing him on his cheek.

Toji’s mind seems to blank for a moment before he’s pulling out and flipping you onto your back. And with your legs thrown over his shoulders as your bent almost in half, he fucks you into a mating press so brutal that your mind blanks.

“Gonna make you mine baby, put a ring on your finger. You’re never gonna get away from me.” He grunts and almost growls, watching your eyes roll back with tears streaming down your face. “Gonna keep you locked in, you love saying my last name so much, now you’re gonna share with me.” His thrusts were deep, and hard, and agonizingly perfect that you could help but violently twitch as an earth shattering orgasm runs through you.

He fucks you through it, and you feel an awful sense of deja-vu as you go hurtling toward your next one.

Toji grabs your left hand, and you stare at him in a stupid, fucked dumb look of curiosity and whined when he bit your ring finger hard. And you whined even more when he forced his own left ring finger into your mouth, telling you to bite hard. You comply and watch him fill with a sinful glee. “There you go baby, it’s our wedding rings.” He says with a soft grin, his brutal thrusts being an absolute opposite of the look.

With orgasm three coming quick, you’re almost relieved to feel his rhythm falter and stutter, and you scream into the room filled with sweat and sex as you feel another final brutal slam of his pelvis into yours, and you feel your insides fill up with his cum.

He pulls out, getting up and walking to the bathroom, and you sigh through closed and tired eyes as you feel him wipe you down with a warm damp cloth and few minutes later. A blanket is thrown over you both as he spoons you.

His thumb traces the bitemark he left on your finger, you completely pliant and stupid in his arms. You couldn’t seem to think of an answer when he looked at you with a devilish smile and innocently asked “so, what’s your name?”

*

The next morning, waking up to Toji cuddled up with you and a subtle rumbling snore coming from him had to be the best feeling in the world.

Your legs were jelly, and when Toji woke up and had finally pulled himself up, he brought you water and a small plate of fruits. You watch him get dressed with a pout. “Toji…where are you going so soon?”

He turns and the smile he had was an almost boyish expression. “I told you last night,” You felt your blood freeze for a moment as you stared at Toji, your legs unable to move.

“Im gonna go bash that guys skull in.” He left a small peck on your forehead and a promise that he would he back soon.

God you hope that other guy had a quick death, if nothing else.

—————

UH….SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG… LOTS OF THOUGHT PUT INTO THIS ONE!!

Requests open :3

#jjk #jjk fanfic #fanfic #jjk smut #toji smut #toji x you #toji x reader #toji fushiguro #smut #requests open

[slut4els]

Old Flames 1

ok so i havent written in a while and im fairly new to tumblr so i apologize if this is horrible but if you do like it lmk and leave some requests for anything you wanna see me write!

Contains !meanellie x !scared/shyreader, eventual smut, sexual thoughts, angst, set in a college au and i think thats it! lmk if i forgot anything but otherwise enjoy <3 (oh and ofc like all of my fics r gonna be, 18+!)

you were getting moved into your dorm with your best freind dina. you were just about done decorating and setting everyting up. "ok! i think thats everything!" you say sitting on the edge of your bed sighing after finally finishing hours of decorating and moving things from your car to your new dorm. dina layed down next to you before she spoke, "finally! you have wayy too many things, anyways whos your roomate?" dina asked. you didnt know who your roomate was actually, all you knew is that she was going to be a girl but aside from that, you were totally clueless.

"not sure to be totally honest, i just hope it isnt going to be someone i knew from highschool, i wish we couldve been roomates i hate the thought of living with a total stranger, or worse, someone i havent seen or spoken to since graduation." you said laying down next to dina starting to think of all of the worst possible outcomes, 'what if its one of ,my exs? what if its one of my ex bestfriends or old hookups?' you thought to yourself your anxiety suddenly skyrocketing at all of the worst possiblilities. you were quickly pulled out of your thoughts however when dina began to comfort you. "hey dont stress too much! youll be fine i promise and your always welcome at my dorm with me and luna!" you thanked her and gave her a slight peck on the forehead. "i dont know what i would do without you dina, your serioulsy the best thing thats ever happened to me, honestly. i would probably be dead if i didnt have you with me all the time" you said laughing slightly.

"honestly i dont know how you survided even with me! Hey i wish i could stay longer but i still need to finishe up my own dorm, wanna come with? you kinda owe me" dina said as she stood up and began to put her shoes on "as fun as that sounds i should probably wait for my roomate but ill be sure to let you know if its anyone we know or something" you said sitting up and scooting back to where your head was able to rest on your headboard. "aww ok finee but atleast promise me youll come to the party tomorrow? Its at one of jesse's frat guy friends, ill send you the info" you sighed before saying fine and saying goodbye to dina. you hated frat parties but you knew dina would get mad if you failed to attend another one.

After a few hours you had taken a shower and gotten into your pj's which consisted of some plad red shorts and a black lacy tank top. you had basically given up on your roomate showing up that night so you we laying ontop of your covers watching hbo max with the led lights set to a dim purple color. your eyes were starting to feel heavy but before you could shut your laptop you heard the door to your small dorm open and you immediately sat up anxiety skyrocketing, it was a little past 12 am and you were not ready to meet whoever was about to walk through the door, especially once you saw her face.

it was ellie fucking williams. you stared at her shocked.

you and ellie were once very close, you were better friends with her than dina at the time and you both were in your senior year of highschool, but you realized you were developing feelings for her. every touch, every flirty comment weather it was sarcastic or not it always gave you butterflies. you never told her how you felt however, especially when cat came along. When she first started hooking up with her she talked about her nonstop. day and night it was always cat this, cat that. and everytime ellie had mentioned her you felt a punch in your gut. you were going crazy and you almost couldnt handle hiding your feelings for her anymore. you realized this when she said she was going to ask cat to be her girlfriend.

after she told you that you went home and cried your eyes out. the girl you loved was in love with someone else. you couldn’t take it anymore and decided to ghost her. you knew that it was a shitty thing to do but you didn’t know what else to do. you couldnt just tell her ‘hey im in love with you so we cant be friends anymore bye’ so you completely cut her off. thankfully the school year was almost over and you didn’t have any classes with her. you avoided every party with some lame excuse like ‘im focusing on studying for finals’ and what not. you did everything humanly possible to avoid her and spent whatever free time crying about it to dina but over the summer you were able to somewhat get over it. obviously you never forgot but you stopped crying every night and ranting to dina about it.

but now there she was. standing in the doorway of your now shared dorm staring at you with anger confusion and maybe even disgust. your mouth was open slightly suddenly re imagining everything you tried to forget. looking at her forest green eyes and freckles perfectly spread across her face. you didn’t know what to say but she finally spoke after what felt like hours of staring at eachother.

“you have got to be fucking kidding me. your my roomate?” she said scoffing and shutting the door shut behind her “ellie i-i didn’t know you were gonna-“ you tried to get words out but she interrupted your lazy attempt at forming a sentence “yeah no shit i know that you didn’t pick me since you would do basically anything to avoid me”

“ellie thats not it, im really fucking sorry but-“ you tried to form an apology but she cut you off again “no dont even try to pull the ‘im sorry card’ we were great, we did everything together and all of a sudden you just dissapear, i dont see you or hear from you at all if it werent for dina letting me know you were alive i wouldve thought you had died or some shit” she said setting her backpack down and now she was standing at the foot of your bed. you felt tears forming in your eyes and it took everything in your power to hold them back while you responded

“i know what i did was shitty but you dont get it, maybe one day ill be able to tell you but i had to, it was the only way i could deal with-“ you cut yourself off mid sentence trying to think about how to explain the situation without confessing to her. “i was just dealing with a lot ok? you didn’t do anything, on purpose atleast but it was all a me issue, you didn’t deserve that but i had to do it for my own sanity”

she looked at you for a second seeing the tears forming in your eyes. she felt bad but she still wanted a better explanation. “why cant you tell me now? why couldnt you tell me then?? we were so close you knew you could talk to me about anything but since you didn’t i want, no i need to know. what. happened.” she said demanding an answer. you felt a tear fall from your eye and you couldnt keep it to yourself anymore.

“i loved you” you said quietly. ellie could barely hear what you said “don’t whisper fucking tell me” she said angrily. “i fucking loved you ellie ok?! is that what you wanted to hear?? but you were so obsessed with cat and i couldnt take it anymore. i didnt want to ruin our friendship but it was gonna happen either way, so i took the safe way out, for me atleast”

ellie just looked at you mouth wide open not being able to respond. she thought about how heartbroken you must’ve been and how she was too stupid to notice the signs. if she knew how you felt then she wouldve left cat in a heartbeat. of course she liked you but she thought you wouldnt feel the same but unlike you, she got quite good at hiding her feelings but she thought about how she would feel if you had gotten a girlfriend or something and all of a sudden she sympathized with you.

“y/n i didnt know im so sorry.” she said walking over to the side of the bed and wrapped you in a hug. you couldnt contain your tears anymore. you hugged her back tightly, sobbing into her shoulder.

———————————————————————

A/N: yall im so sorry for how short this is but i kinda just wanted the first chapter to establish the background and foundation for the whole story, i’ll probably post the second part tomorrow but please give me recommendations and lmk if yall like this so far !!

#ellie the last of us #ellie x y/n #ellie williams #ellie williams x reader #ellie tlou #ellie williams fic #ellie williams smut #ellie williams angst

[toorumlk]

Harry/Ginny

AH HINNY!

oh man, i oscillate between really liking hinny one day and feeling completely indifferent towards them the next.

hinny might be the relationship i like the most for harry, and it's all because because of the family aspect. through marriage w ginny, harry officially became a weasley family member. and, of course he always was one, but he actually is a weasley on paper and i think having that in writing would mean a lot to harry. and my golden trio heart can't not mention that by hinny being married - ron and hermione are literally harry's brother and sister (in-law) now and !!!!! that just makes my heart melt (i know those two were always harry's family but bc of the aforementioned reason, etc. you get it)

so right off the bat, when i try to organize my more positive thoughts on hinny, i'm mostly focused on how the relationship best serves harry, and only harry. and this is where my frustrations with the ship begins: it's so hard to think the other way around because ginny's narrative purpose is just to be harry's ideal love interest, instead of being a fully fleshed character. i really love ginny with all her spunk and feistiness, but she's so underutilized. she had a cute crush on him in the start of the series which was adorable, but her character was inarguably just "ron's younger sister". and after she gets possessed by volde/gets saved from the CoS by harry, she still continues to have a puppy-love crush on harry until OoTP!!! GAAHHHH!!! Apparently joanne said hinny were always meant to be soulmates and i think if these two had a consistent "invisible string" motif throughout the series, it would've been so good (and almost as good as romione's slow burn). So...

here's how i'd fix hinny (lmao):

i wouldve made the ginny a much more prominent character in PoA and beyond.

we get to see hinny actually have heart-to-hearts about the incidents of CoS - for ginny to play such an IMPORTANT role in the titular plotline of the second book, then to just have her blend into the background afterwards just boggles my mind - that was the perfect oppurtunity to make ginny an invaluable character in the cast. she has this huge experience in common with harry - being personally victimized by voldemort - that harry doesn't have w ron or hermione at that point and it would've been so nice to see harry find an equal, a confidant in ginny from then on - like, dont let the readers forget that harry and ginny have this huge thing in common, have it be with us in the back of our heads the whole time!

start the hinny romance subplot fr fr in GoF

the potential of ginny being a maybe date for harry to the yule ball, harry feeling jealousy towards neville for getting to dance and spend time w ginny and harry being like "wait a minute! i'm supposed to crush on cho! im jealous of neville??" that wouldve been FUN - again, they couldve been a less insane version of romione hello

having the hinny subplot unravel in tandem with harry's crush and relationship with Cho in ootp

in ootp, you can argue that the story attempts to make a foil between cho and ginny's characters but if that were the case, it could've done a way better job of it

with harry's relationship w cho - harry likes her bc she's cool and pretty but she wants to connect with him through their connection via cedric and his death, which is off the bat a hugely touchy/traumatic topic for both of them and cho couldn't possibly fathom what it's like to be in the presence of voldemort/tom but guess which other character does ehehe...

now we're at hbp and this is where the good stuff starts bc if i'd had it my way, we'd have gotten their friendship in poa and two books of solid romantic build-up up until now

i honestly had a such a fun time with hinny in hbp, ginny in her OWL year being so cool and harry's hugeass crush on her- harry being a hormonal teenager was hilarious to read like its implied that harry is having increasingly inappropriate thoughts about her throughout the novel and theyre just intercut with "BUT RON-" that's some good shit

my one gripe w hbp's hinny is that i wish we actually got to see their dates sneaking around hogwarts, finding the perfect hideaways for makeout sessions, etc etc i know hp wasn't a romance fantasy by any means but imagine how swoony it wouldve been if we got to actually see these sunset dates instead of just being told about them - it wouldve been cathartic to actually see harry actually live the life of a normal teen boy before everything fell apart lol

if we got all these invisible string moments between them throughout the series, harry thinking about ginny and how good it felt to kiss her lips before he walks to his death in DH would've felt so much more earned

from a storytelling perspective, the case with hinny begs the question of if you can have a love interest for the jesus figure of your narrative? can you make a believable, grounded and balanced love story for the chosen one? i honestly think so but then you'd have to put equal amounts of effort and work into creating two nuanced characters and unfortunately we don't see that effort be put in ginny's character and that's why harry's endgame falls short for so many people. earlier, i said that this is the ship i like most for harry, but honestly that isn't saying a lot - i think with an almost saint-like character like harry, its hard to imagine a satisfying love and partnership for this kid. i like tomarry as a ship for when im feeling a bit insane but other than that, my main harry ship is him with a lifetime of peace and healing.

i also want to argue that hinny was never meant to be a primary romance in this story - the main romance/love story in the series is ron and hermione's and i think joanne's romance prowess all went into romione and i'm so thankful for that because i think it makes for better story (also i'm totally biased)

i also cant not mention the freudianess of it all with hinny, right? like god freud would Love hinny bc what do you mean they look identical to jily, what is going on here. that and the fact they had their first kid at 22/23 years old like my god, WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING you should be at the club!!!!! i do dig the failmarriage vibes they were serving in TCC, also.

#wow i do love to yap #pro hinny #hinny #harry x ginny #hp meta #harry potter meta #hinny meta #toorumlk #nusreplies

[genderless-naper]

a gift for you

bangchan (skz) x gf!reader

synopsis: he got you a gift so you dont feel alone

lowercase intended !

chan has been spending much more time away than he’d like to admit. in between producing, practice, and other scheduling it wasn’t like you had room to complain to him. he came home late and left early the next day.

although you tried your best not to let it get to you, he knew. he knew that you started to feel distant. he knew you were feeling less happy. he knew you were losing sleep trying to stay awake for him. he knew and it made him feel terrible. he explained to his members whats been happening between you two after they cornered him into confessing why he was acting so weird lately. all he had to say for himself was that he ‘doesn’t know what to do to make it up to you’

half of the members looked mad at him for treating you this way, while the other half looked at him with pity. minho shook his head and replied, “she cant be in a relationship with someone who’s never there”

“i tried to make time for her but i cant. our schedules are too different”

minho just looked at chan like he was the dumbest boyfriend in the whole world. he easily couldve been considered it.

“if you cant be with her physically then give her something so she knows youre always with her”

chan was more confused by this than the times he tried to film tiktok videos with the members

“but she has everything she ever needs, what could i give her?”

minho rolled his eyes, “if she had everything she needed we wouldnt even have this conversation. you need to figure this out on your own. you know her the better than we do”

for the next few days chan pondered on what to give you. he spent hours in his studio on amazon rather than producing trying to find a perfect gift. soon he realized he was running behind schedule and needed to leave for a skzoo photoshoot.

when he arrived he set you lots of pictures. pictures of the members, of the plushies, of the shoot set, and more random things. he always sent you pictures wherever he was. he was happy for you to see them but that quickly changed when you left his message on opened without a response. he was hesitant to send one last picture.

he sent a picture a picture of him with a lifesize wolf chan plushie along with a message, “please dont be mad, you’ll make wolf chan and channie sad” you giggled at his immaturity. you liked his selfie and responded to his text, “im not mad chan, i got busy doing the laundry” he called you once he was done with his part of the shoot. you were happy to finally be talking with your beloved boyfriend.

“you know chan, wolfchan looks strangely like you a lot. i mean look at his dimples! and his little curled piece of hair. theyre just like yours!” chan smiled at your thoughtfulness and asked, “do you really think he looks like me?”

“of course, you two are like twins” in the distant you hear chan’s name being called and so you ushered him to get back to the shoot. he wanted to say no but you already bid your goodbye and hung up.

all the members got a gift basket of their represented skzoo. chan stared at the wolfchan in his basket and instantly remembered your comments on their resemblance. he decided to take the basket home to you once the shoot was done.

he ran into the bedroom and pulled you into a tight hug, “i got you something special!” you raised your brow curiously, “is it that basket?” he replied with a nod and quickly sat you on the edge of the bed. he placed the basket on your lap and sat on the floor in front of you all while smiling from ear to ear, dimples exposed. he ushered you to open and look at everything.

“okay okay chill, im opening it channie!” you giggled and ruffled his hair to calm him down. you took out the wolfchan, and chan took it from you and peppered it in kisses. he handed it back while his grin widened, “there, now you’ll always have a part of me with you y/n!” you could’ve practically melted by how cute he was being. you nodded and hugged the wolfchan tight while showering chan in thank yous and kisses.

you never spent your days alone after that. where ever you went wolfchan went as well. when you missed chan you would talk to wolfchan. he was always there for you and warmed your heart.

oftentimes chan would come home from the studio just to see you tucked away in bed hugging the mini-version of himself tight to your cheek while you were fast asleep. he was glad that you appreciated it as much as he appreciates you🖤

ahh wolfchan is such a cutie patootie. i finally got mines today and i love him so much ahh. everything abt him brings me mega serotonin vibes

#stray kids #skz #bang chan #bang chris #christiphorbang #bangchan x you #bang chan comfort #bang chan x y/n #bang chan fluff #channie #wolfchan #bangchan skz #bang chan soft hours #bang chan imagines #bang chan oneshot #bang chan fics

[squeaksinc]

2023 creative year in review! 💦💦

The most stand-out thing to mention was this was arguably my most active and productive cosplay year...maybe ever? its incredibly uncommon that I can handmake 9 costumes in a year, but on top of that, 7 of the 9 were also custom designs, which is pretty wild.

costume-wise, i learned a stupid amount of skills and really pushed what i was comfortable with. IMO the best from the year are the collector, knives, pupet, and nekomancer at least just from a craftsmanship perspective. I try not to brag or be an ass, but I am genuinely very proud of those. they posed fun creative challenges that kept me engaged, and I'm happy with how they turned out!

the other side of the coin is although last year was my most dormant cosplay year, other crafts were super active....and the reverse happened this year _(:3」∠)_ i didnt really draw much at all other than making cosplay designs, and other physical media didnt get much time to shine either. I made some plushies, but they were lackluster, and I think I made maybe one unfinished figure lol. but I did try BJD making and loved it!! I made 4 this year and have plans to do more haha.

thats the upbeat overview, the readmore is going to be a more negative perspective so proceed with caution haha.

More than anything I wish i had more time to do art and build up Stitch in The Ditch/more OC work, but honestly this year was also objectively insane in the non-creative front. like i hit the worst patch of chronic pain i've ever had/found out my abdominals have been ripping themselves apart and bleeding for the past 10 years lol/had to go to the hospital like THREE!!!! goddamn times and now i'm dealing with the news i'm going to need abdominal surgery, got a teaching promotion/award, got my physics masters, utterly INSANE family happenings, had gastroparesis for 2 months and couldnt eat more than 200 cal a day in that time which caused all my blood levels to crash and i'm still reeling from it, and of course, have just been Cashually working goddamn 60-80 hours a week in an experimental physics lab in the background during all of this which is driving me to the point of madness- suffice to say i hit my limit like months ago lmao.

like looking back i know i should be happy and proud i did so much but i cant help but feel disappointed and wishing i had done better quality stuff. honestly, i know i goof about how hard work is, but its really really getting to me. i've always been happy with my ability to juggle so many things and preserve my ability to have a cool job, make cool things, and independently take care of myself, but work is month-by-month morphing into more of a monster thats just been suffocating everything else out. I really dont know what next year will look like, as i've been wearing thinner and thinner i'm noticing a trend where I just dont have the energy that I used to to do anything outside of my job.

I bring this up because on paper I should be happy with what I made, but I still feel like im in a stand-still. I made a lot of costumes, but tbh they were low quality/lackluster. like the number went up, but the quality didnt and I couldnt do much of any other art things. I couldve, and shoulve, been able to make much better work this year than I did, but it didnt happen as a combo of being snuffed out by my job physically and mentally.

in 2023 I got a head start/built up momentum from the beginning of the year that carried me through when things got insane in spring/summer/currently, but I'm already starting 2024 from a low point. yall. im so tired. im so goddamn tired. like its funny to goof about how much I do but its catching up fast and i think this is going to be the year when I just cant keep up anymore. Its hard to talk about since the "being crushed to death by your job" topic isnt one people want to engage with, and unless you're experiencing it first hand its hard to understand what living like that really means.

for 2024, i know theres no way I will be able to match this same number of costumes, but my goal is no matter what I want to start making things that are more solid on a construction level. fewer projects, more polish. also doing more non-cosplay stuff like world building and dolls would also be awesome. will that happen??? lord only knows. honestly usually these predictions/goals go haywire but this is also more of a response to external things outside of my control so ???? ??????? we'll see lads

[queatherine]

td spoilers episodes 9-13 (long post; more in depth thoughts towards the end)

ep 9:

the dudes being there for priya awwwww that was so sweet !!

hey julia, is that car cool enough :)

sighhhhh mkulia

julia is that tiktok lumberjack lesbian,, i think shes canadian too

ep 10:

listen, i think we could all agree that the moment damien found that immunity idol way back when sealed his fate that he was NOT going to be a finalist,, so i wasnt surprised, just saddened

julia manipulation truly is everything i love evil women

ep 11:

MACARTHUR??!?!??!??!? truly not the cameo i expected, but i did not mind it!!

can we stop this annoying distrust arc between priya and caleb?

cant believe they killed off raj

so like,, did dinosaurs just never go extinct in the total drama universe??? is this one of the insane lore bits like 9/11 never happening (or happening some time after 2009???) 9/11 was the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs

CANT BELIEVE THEY VOTED OFF RAJ NOOOOOO IM WAYNE FRRR

ep 12:

me 🤝 priya afraid of lighting + thunder

OLD MAN TENNIS YAOI????!?!?!?! PULLED THEM OUT OF THEIR GRAVES FOR THIS CAMEO WOW

can we stop this annoying distrust arc between priya and caleb? pt2

i dont ship juliayne (juliayne shippers i do not hate you please do your thing i love you), but goddamn i want more interactions between theyre sooooo silly

ep 13: listen, i think wayne winning is fine. do i love himbos? yes. was i rooting for him in the finale? yes. in the grand scheme of things, do i think he is a good finalist? no. we can all agree that hes very much an owen, and i dont mind that!! i actually think having a fan favorite, comic relief, underdog third party winning makes sense in this season, because i dont think caleb or julia winning would be a satisfying end (especially how they were handling them by the end)

caleb's story was messy, and at the end of the day (and i know that the intentions changed), he did start his alliance with priya to use her. him winning, after all of the drama, after priya was gone, wouldve just idk felt shitty. he did get the girl in the end, which concludes his story better than him winning it. (if im comparing this to the tdi 2007 final three,, i guess hes the gwen)

as for julia, she had two seasons to be villain, and it was amazing. she is so good at what she does and she is such a joy to watch. and we all know how total drama handles its villains, they need to get their comeuppance. did bowie double cross her last season? yes. and she came back still was the main villain and was AMAZING at it. but she was still the villain for another 13 episodes, AND HER GETTING PRIYA OUT LAST EPISODE, she cant win. was her just desserts satisfying? meh. nice callback to heather (we all know julia is the heather of this comparison), though i can understand people who dont like this callback and think its tiring or something. they couldve done something else, but im not mad (i kinda fuck with the mullet). i just see no satisfying way for julia to win with how she was presented in these seasons: she was not world tour heather, with three full length seasons and a greater threat to overcome; she was island heather, and therefore could not win.

overall thoughts of the season:

im someone that thinks the hockey bros jokes nearly always land, so i enjoy the shit out of them (i think im in the majority?)

im someone that did not like priyaleb at first, grew to being more neutral about it, but still found it to be a bit tiring. i like priya, i like caleb, i dont like tiring romantic subplots, and it sucks that that was the entire thing for these characters this season

the julia mk duo was AMAZING, one of the highlights of this season and one that i never wouldve expected to be real. mkulia wins in my heart and i hope they start their podcast (JULIA WAS GOIGN TO USE THE MONEY TO START THE PODCAST WITH MK HOLY SHIT GIRL IS IN LOVE)

it sucks that certain characters really got nothing this season (millie, nichelle, emma, and even axel to an extent).. but i get that characters like millie and emma already had a lot of screentime last time and someone has to be an early boot (just realize the ones i listed off were all women,, damn the writers fr just hate women)

at the end of the day, i really enjoyed this season. and i think the most important part of that enjoyment was this was the first time i got to watch a season and have no idea what was going to unfold. i watched the first four season of total drama when they were airing, but i was a little kid with poor comprehension skills. the first three seasons aired before i knew how to read (i learned to read late). and with tdpi, rr, and tdi 2023, i watched them after the fact and knew who the winners were going in. this was the first season i watched were i truly did not know the winner, and that added to my enjoyment. not to mention this being the one and only time i was present in an online space to talk about show as the episodes dropped. this season was a bit messy here and there, but it delivered some great stuff. i found myself laughing out loud and just having a good time, which is all i need out of my silly little cartoon

#total drama #td spoilers #total drama spoilers #total drama 2023 #someone gave me a microphone

[mugentakeda]

i just loveeeee the idea that there was a big gap of understanding between lu ten and iroh the same way theres a big gap of understanding between zuko and iroh. mistakes that iroh didnt realize he made with his son he then also made with his nephew and still not realizing it. a whole world of things about lu ten that iroh didnt know about, and will never know about. im gonna talk about it though because i am insane so look away from my cringe

lu ten had gone to his father with problems before, and iroh cant help but wonder, now, if his son had ever been trying to imply deeper things in between sugarcoated words because there were things you just didnt say in the palace, and irohs head had been so far up his ass he hadnt seen it. despite it being waved practically right in his face by his son, desperate for sound advice from his father, whos brain was too waterlogged by thoughts of how he was going to pull off his next bloody conquest. like how zuko was always howling for help, hurt and confused like a cornered animal, hidden deep under his fits of rage, and irohs head was Still so far up his ass that he kept meeting zukos silent begging for straightforward guidance with convoluted proverbs. he can sit here and bury his face in his hands in shame over the sheer amount of times hed failed his nephew without realizing, and how much convincing it'll take to get his nephew to understand that yes, iroh did fail him so many times, and he couldve prevented so much suffering simply by holding himself to the same standards he held his nephew to. all those times during those three years before the avatar returned that he couldve done something. sit here and think about how sad it is that he has to even try hard to convince his nephew such a thing, how sad it is that he finally got zuko to stop seeing ozai as some all-wise god that can do no error as a father, just for zuko to start seeing iroh as some all-wise god that has done no error as an uncle. but he can at least go and do something about it. he can never do something about what he did to his son. the things he knows he did, the things he doesnt know he did, and everything in between. he will never find out what lu ten truly thought about him. he will never have that reconciliation, that silent scream of relief and violent shiver in the crook of his neck that zuko gave when iroh yanked him in close after their separation, with his lu ten. he just has to hear about his own son through word of mouth and somehow be content with that. and worst of all, its all his own and his god damned family's fault. no amount of healing and learning by trying to do right by zuko and the world he helped nearly ruin not much more than a half decade ago can act as a balm for the agony that brings him. he knows healing his guilty conscience isnt supposed to even be a reason for why he helped the avatar, but god- it's when the rationality leaves him and he realizes that this is something he cant seem to make himself be the bigger person in. he knows its his own fault, that there are hundreds- thousands, maybe- of earth kingdom sons he personally stole from earth kingdom fathers, and only gave up on his siege when the consequences of his war came into his own backyard, but he cant help it. doesnt want to help it. hes still angry and hateful anyway. his son should still be here. his son should still be here. his son should still be here. and if he tells zuko about how much he still hates himself as both an uncle and a father, zuko will definitely rush to reassure him, all the while he is chained to his desk and meetings day in and day out, fixing this uncles mistakes best he can, losing sleep and forgetting to eat. none of it will mean anything to zuko, if it means he can make his uncle feel better. and if that happens, iroh might actually vomit in front of his nephew.

#i love when characters outright refuse to heal or move on!!!! yayyy!!!!!!!!! three cheers for bitterness and hate forever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #making lu ten a personality and then remembering hes lit dead so so cool. Like hes just dead. he will never come back. No plot armor #sometimes... characters having unsatisfying unhappy ends.... is the best. #THIS NIGHT HAS OPENED MY EYES.... AND I WILL NEVER SLEEP AGAIN........................ #HE SAID HED CURE YOUR ILLS... BUT HE DIDNT AND HE NEVER WILL.................................... #(starts vomiting blood everywhere #i should tie this with my hcs about ursa and lu ten being close cus they were left alone together in the palace a lot #and how lu ten helped shoulder a kind of deranged amount from her by basically co parenting zuko and azula with her #meanwhile ursa was a grown adult and lu ten was like . 15 #oh the curses of being the eldest sibling oh the horrors #atla

[laneydays]

you owe me, part 2 // billy showalter x reader

i dont rlly like this put here u go the long awaited part 2.

part 1 here

we're gonna IGNORE the fact that i was supposed to publish this like 5 days ago im so sorry for lying i had school and family stuff and guitar lmfao

anyways school is cancelled for the rest of the week cuz of a hurricane, i might start writing another oneshot ;) maybe vance? dont know! but i hope u guys like this, felt i couldve done better but eh :)

___________

after billy showalter had showed up by your house on his bike, your day was just a little brighter. he had really cared enough to go out of his way to deliver one more paper, just for you. he remembered, that you read the paper and kept it to make art or decorate your room with. even if reading the paper made you look like a total old man nerd, he went that extra mile for you. or in his case, a few blocks down from his route. the thought made you feel giddy and high.

you had came back in the house with a little more pep in your step, a stupid grin on your face that kept coming back whenever you looked at the flower pressing that you preserved on your dresser. the muscles in your face hurt from how good you felt. it was funny, to you. teachers would always say how one small thing a person can do can make another person's whole day. no one ever listened, including you. you thought it was bull, so it was amusing how the paper delivery boy proved you wrong. even if the flower seemed to shrivel slowly after a few hours, you couldn't help but think about it. billy showalter, of all people. he must be a goddamn saint if he can make me change my mind about him after a day, you thought. 

"holy shit," donna had blurted out from the phone when you told her. you had hushed her, even if no one was there to hear you besides your sleeping dog early in the morning.

"he totally likes you." she teased. you almost stumbled, clutching the phone in your hand a little tighter. "thats funny, donna. well, i don't like him," you scoffed.

you told her that to get her to leave you alone about it. (you doubted she would) but you would be lying if you said billy showalter didn't intrigue you with his actions toward you. nevertheless, you owed him big time. so, begrudgingly, on the monday before school, you emptied your piggy bank and counted the dollar bills and cents to pay billy back for everything he did. it was five bucks. you sighed, it was a decent amount of money to owe a boy. and it made you realize just how nice he was being to you.

you pocketed the money, getting ready to go to school. you jumped down the stairs, alerting your dog. they circled around your feet, barking and jumping excitedly. you rubbed their ears, talking to them in a high pitch.

your parents said your name, making you look up. "i thought we told you not to jump down the stairs. you'll break something," they instructed with a disappointed voice. your mother was at the table, and your father cleaning dishes at the sink. you winced slightly. "yeah, sorry."

you sat down at the table, eating the slightly burnt piece of toast your mother had set out for you. chewing on it, you watched your mother open up the paper as she sipped her coffee. you nearly choked, coughing. she was reading the paper.

she looked at you. "yeah, where did you get this? we don't get the paper," she asked. drinking your water, you tried clearing your throat before you replied. "yeah.. you know billy showalter delivers the paper, right?" you said slowly. your father chimed in, "of course. he stops by every sunday to get what we type up." your mother turned back to you, finishing for him. "but he doesn't stop by our house." 

you smiled sheepishly. "yeah. well, we're partners in class for a project. he stopped by yesterday because i told him i read the paper."

your dad looked over at you with a confused smile. "you read the paper?" he said, obviously making fun of you. your mother gave him a look before sipping her mug again. "how sweet. he's such a lovely boy. i'm glad you're becoming close," she said to you. "yes, it's about time you got a boyfriend," your father finished. you finished your toast, extremely flustered while your mother scolded him for assuming things.

you took a shy drink of water. "i have to go to his house later today. for the project." smiling, your mother held your hand. "good, that's good." 

"don't come back late," said your dad. you stood up, grabbing your backpack and slinging it over your shoulder. "yeah, don't worry." you kissed your mother on the cheek, and hugged your father goodbye. 

"be polite, and tell billy and mrs. showalter thank you," she said before you left. you agreed, closing the door. you took a breath, trying to console yourself and your embarrassment.

you walked to school. it was starting to get colder out, now. and you wished you had brought a thicker jacket. you spotted more kids walking as you got closer to school. you rubbed your arms, feeling the chill of the weather.

hearing your name being called, you turned around. gwen was jogging to catch up to you, finney following right behind her. "hey," you said to the small girl. "hi," finney finished for her, as she was catching her breath. you three walked together to school every day. it was a shame donna couldn't, her house was further away from yours. "kinda cold out, huh?" gwen said. you scoffed, "no kidding. wish i had brought a different covering."

as you got closer to school, you turned to the siblings. "i have to go to the library, i'll see you later nerds." gwen hugged you goodbye. "why the library?" finney asked. you turned away. "for a project. see you." they waved you goodbye as you entered through the double doors. there were less kids in the halls because you were a little early. 

you weren't lying to finney, you really did have to go to the library. you wanted to put effort into it the same way billy was, so you thought you'd find a book or two to help you with research.

upon entering, the library was pretty much empty. it was silent except for the pages being flipped by the librarian behind the counter. she muttered a 'good morning' under her breath as you walked in.

the isles were empty, but you saw a silhouette of a young boy. you searched through the books, in the history section. taking out many, reading the backs and then returning them to the shelf. you were impatient, and already becoming antsy. you wish you could just find a book already.

you turned the corner into the next isle, stopping when you saw the boy. it was griffin. he was reading a book, when he noticed you standing there and looked up. he was surprised to see you, you noticed. "hi, griffin," you said with a smile. "hi." he replied. you approached him, sitting next to him. "what are you reading?" griffin tilted the book so you could see the cover. it was the shining by stephen king. "stephen king? he wrote carrie. you like him?" he nodded at you. you were a bit shocked that a kid as young as him would be into that stuff. but he was smart, so it was probably okay.

"what are you doing here?" griffin asked you this time. he was right, you weren't usually in here. "i'm looking for a book. for a project."

"is it the one with billy?" he asked quickly. you almost stuttered, he was fast. you swallowed. "yeah. how'd you know?" you asked. griffin closed his book. "he told me." you smiled. "oh yeah? what else did he say?" you joked. the boy looked up at you. "he said you make him nervous sometimes."

you pressed your lips together tightly. a weird tight feeling in your stomach. "oh." griffin shook his head lightly, his curls bouncing. "but in a good way, he said. i don't know." the weird feeling was replaced by a new once, a weird kind of knot. you smiled sheepishly. 

"he likes you. you should be friends," the boy said. you looked away, trying to tame the heat in your face. "o-okay. i just need a book first," you laughed. griffin asked what type of book you needed. you told him what your project was about, and he got up enthusiastically, taking your hand and dragging you into an isle.

"this one," he said, taking out a book and holding it out to you. taking it gently from his hands, you read the back. it was great for your project. you looked back up at him, smiling. "this is perfect. thanks, griffin!" 

he smiled bashfully, his freckled cheeks rosy. you looked up at the clock, at the time. "the bells gonna ring in a minute," you looked at him. "want me to walk you to your first period?" griffin smiled wider. "okay. but its in the sixth grade hall," to which you replied that it was okay. you checked out your book, and the younger boy hung onto your hip the whole time. 

the bell had rung as you walked out the door with griffin, the book tucked into your backpack safely. griffins classroom was a little further than expected, but it was okay. you said goodbye to him and went back to yours. you kept thinking about him as you sat down, and how you really saw him as a little brother. it was a sweet feeling. 

the period was unfortunately very boring. you were learning about the layers of the earth, and honestly, you weren't really paying attention. you were just doodling all over your paper. until you felt a pinch in your back. you turned around to see robin arellano. "you free after school today?" he whispered. you shook your head. "no, i have to work on a project with billy showalter. sorry." robin's eyebrows furrowed, confused. "huh? showalter? for real?" you nodded, shrugging with a smile before turning back to your paper.

you continued drawing before a piece of wrapped gum dropped on your paper with a smiley face and an '-R' written on it messily. you turned around, blowing robin a joking kiss. he 'caught it' in the air, and held it to his chest. you held your hand to your mouth, trying to stop yourself from laughing as you unfolded the gum wrapper and placing it in your mouth. 

the bell rang, the class was over. you didn't listen to whatever your teacher was saying, and you just packed your stuff to leave, stopping by the door to wait for a slow robin. he caught up to you, and you walked together.

"so, you and billy?" he asked. he had a teasing look on his face. what was it with people joking about you and billy? "yeah, i have a project with him in civics." robin rolled his eyes, looking off. "just say you're going out with him. i've seen you giving him heart eyes across the lunchroom before." you turned to him swiftly, pushing him harshly. "shut up! i do not!" you growled, a furious heat in your cheeks.  robin held his hands up, trying to defend himself from your wrath as he giggled uncontrollably. 

you sighed angrily. "i'm serious, though... its just a project," you mumbled. robin flashed a smile. "sure, okay. i'll see you later." you were about to make him stay so you could keep defending yourself, but you just sighed once more as you watched robin head off to his next class. you would keep getting teased. and you would be lying if you said you didn't have a crush on billy showalter.

you sat down in your next class, trying console yourself. it's not like you liked him that much. maybe the reason you disliked him at first, was because you wanted an excuse. but it was hard, with his stupid smile and his stupid laugh, and his stupid hair and his stupid job. it was stupid. you were stupid. you hated having crushes.

the rest of your classes went by faster.  they mostly consisted of you laying your head on the desk and sleeping, and or ignoring anyone who tried to ask what was wrong with you. the only person you'd answer was donna.

"you're a mess," she shook her head. you peeked up at her. "no kidding." she sighed, slumping down next to you. "maybe you should just talk to him." sitting up straighter, you took a deep breath. "i will. when i see him." 

donna looked at you pitifully. she knew how much you hated these type of things. you looked back at her, reading her eyes and sighing. "don't look at me like that. i'll get over it, i always do." donna pushed your arm slightly. "but do you want to get over it? it's nice when someone likes you, yknow," she told you. you didn't reply, you only put your head in your hands and groaned.

lunch came quickly. you sat down with robin, finney, donna, and gwen, chewing on an orange slice. they were talking about whatever while you zoned off, thinking about the upcoming week and your assignments. until there were fingers snapping in front of your face. you looked up to robin leaning toward you and snapping from across the table. you smacked his hand down with a growl. he sat back with a grin. "stop daydreaming about your boyfriend," he giggled. your eyebrows furrowed and you stood up in your seat, your hands placed firmly on the table. leaning forward, you gave robin a mouthful. "he is not my boyfriend!" you exclaimed with a heated face. finney and gwen looked at you both with puzzled expressions, while donna seemed concerned.

"leave them alone, robin," she whispered. taming your outburst, you looked away shamefully. you saw griffin and billy sitting with each other. and bruce yamada, was his name? sat with them, too.

"wait, you have a boyfriend?" gwen said dumbly. you sighed with a dry chuckle. "no. it's a long story." gwen and finney looked at each other before the curly haired boy shrugged. he looked at you again. "is it billy?" he questioned innocently. you shut your eyes tightly. "ugh," you groaned, and that told the siblings what they needed to know. 

you felt the dread set in your stomach as you walked to your period after lunch. it was funny to you how people described getting butterflies as a cute fluttery feeling. you didn't get those. it was more like fuzzy worms crawling inside your organs. both of them still came from the same thing however; and it was liking someone. the someone that happens to be out of your league, and the someone you completely denied your feelings for a few days ago. you huffed, you weren't gonna be a pussy about it.

you sat down in your seat, watching as students piled in after you. you didn't care, until billy walked in. your chest tightened a little and you watched him sit down in his seat, his hair framing his face perfectly. he looked back, and caught your eye. he gave you a comforting smile, and your heart squeezed, giving him a simple wave back.  

no! don't let him seduce you with his attractive antics! you furiously told yourself, placing your fuming head in your hands.

everyone was seated, your teacher beginning to speak. "settle down. settle down," she projected. people got quieter.

she interlaced her hands together. "alright, this period will be dedicated to working on your project. i will pass out a paper to fill in information, but remember it will have to be put on a project board. you may use your notes for it aswell," your classmates got louder once again. she cleared her throat angrily. "don't think this is a free period. i will be watching you and making sure you're actually working," she snapped. they muttered words under their breath.

"thank you. now, you may join with your partner while i pass out the paper."

everyone stood up, giggling and gossiping. you pushed your chair back dramatically, making your way to billy. you made eye contact, but you immediately looked away as you sat next to him. "hey," he greeted. "hi," you replied.

he coughed awkwardly when your teacher came to you, giving you one paper. you looked up at her confusedly. "don't we need another?" she nearly rolled her eyes at you. "we're sharing," she sighed. you slumped down in your seat slightly at her annoyed tone as she walked away. 

billy looked at you again. "so, do you have any ideas?" he asked. he wanted to get you talking. he wanted you to talk to him, and hear your voice.

you perked up. "yeah! i do. i actually went to the library this morning because it felt like you were doing all the work, and you're probably smarter than me and i wanted to carry my own weight, y'know? so i got a book," you rambled, taking out the hardcover book. you mentally pinched yourself at what you said. sometimes billy made you want to talk ten times more or never talk again. the latter seemed more appealing when you looked up to see an embarrassed look on his face, his cheeks flushed. 

"i-i'm sorry," you stuttered. "i didn't mean-" you cleared your throat. just stop talking, you screamed internally.

"you're smart, too," billy mumbled. you almost crumpled the paper from how tight you gripped it. you laughed nervously, averting your eyes to the paper. you tapped your pen anxiously on the table, extremely aware of the noise it made. "so, do you still want me to come over after school? to study, i mean. you got the supplies, right?" billy nodded at you. "yeah, i did. my mom freaked out i was having a friend over."

you stopped tapping the pen. "oh, was she not expecting it? sorry," you fretted. billy shook his head. "no, no." he looked away bashfully. "it's just, erm. she- uh," the boy stuttered. he cleared his throat when he saw you blink. "nevermind," he muttered. 

it took a lot in you not to laugh at his embarrassment. and billy recalled the conversation he had the previous morning with his mother, and it made him even more embarrassed.

he had just gotten back from delivering papers, feeling extra good about the gratitude he saw on your face. his dog barged in before him, alerting his mother standing by the coffee maker.

"what took you so long?" she tapped the counter suspiciously. billy hung up his bright jacket on the hook by the door. "i delivered an extra," he replied. his mother sighed. "you know you're supposed to stick to your route, billy."

he shrugged, sliding into a chair at the table. "it was just someone from school.." he said shyly. unbeknownst to him, the woman felt a knowing switch in her mind. 

"and i hope you don't mind them coming over after school. we have a project together," he stated innocently. she folded her arms, a grin on her face. "are you two dating?" 

billy choked. "mom! no, i- they're just-" he stumbled over his words angrily, a furious flush on his face. he stood up, stomping upstairs to his room while his mother giggled. 

he shook his head back into the present. "let's just work on this," he sighed loudly. you grinned at him warmly.

the class period consisted of billy doing most of the talking. he was really serious about school. you would add on your own knowledge and he would smile excitedly and scribble it down on the note paper. it made the wormy feeling in your stomach disappear. maybe the worms actually turned into butterflies.

eventually you took out the book you had checked out after you two went through all of the notes. you opened it up to the table of contents, sliding it over between you two and letting billy read the contents. you pointed your finger at a chapter, "i thought this one had a lot of good information." he nodded, flipping the paper to the right page number and leaning towards you to read what was inside. you held your breath as you saw the details of his face, the curl of his eyelashes. he looked up at you again to find you were already staring, and he swallowed, leaning back after he saw your face close to his. 

you checked your watch awkwardly. "it's almost time to go. we can finish the notes at your house, yeah?" you asked. billy agreed. "yeah."

the teacher tried to tell everyone goodbye, but without success. the bell rung and everyone bolted. you waited for billy by the door as he got his stuff, and you two walked out together. 

the halls were crowded, you and billy pressed shoulder to shoulder to get through without running into someone. you felt a sharp tug at the back of your hood, making you step backwards and grab billy's shoulder for balance, making him stop as well. 

you turned around to see robin with a shit-eating grin on his face, looking from you to billy and back to you. huffing, you fixed your hood. "you scared the shit out of me. come on, you're crowding the halls," you snapped, taking robins hand and dragging him forward next to you and billy as you kept walking. the bandana wearing boy couldn't help but giggle at you two, and you almost pushed him into the wall telling him to shut up.

you made it out of the school, turning to robin. "fuck you," you said bluntly. he held a hand to his heart, "you make me blush." you sighed. "you make me blush too, unfortunately. tell finney and gwen i'll see them tomorrow, i'm going with billy for the project."

robin winked at you. "right, the project." you held back an angry remark, holding your breath instead and grabbing billy. "let's go.." you muttered. the blonde smiled awkwardly as he led you to the bike rack by the school. 

you stopped as you watched him put in the lock combination for the bike. he held the handlebars. "wait, i don't have a bike," you said quickly. billy hesitated. "oh, right."

he thought for a moment. "you can ride on the back. just.. hold on," he told you, swinging his leg over. you nodded slowly, stepping over and sitting down, holding onto the sides of the bike. to say this was a very awkward situation was a huge understatement. nevertheless, billy pushed onto the pedals, harder because of your extra weight. he tried very hard to not show how weird he felt in the moment. he had scooted forward so you had room to sit, but it was tight, and you were nearly pressed against his back. he didn't know if it was the sun but he felt incredibly warm in the moment.

he must have ridden over a tree root, because you both felt a bump, and you reached forward on instinct and clutched billy's shoulder so you wouldn't fall over. "sorry," you breathed onto his back. "it's fine," he said. no, it wasn't fine, he almost crashed the bike but it was okay, he didn't want you to fall.

finally, you arrived at his house. you stared up in awe at it, the front door a pretty blue color. you finally jumped off the bike, billy kicking the kickstand down by his garage. "sorry if my mom is weird," billy told you, unlocking the front door with the key in his pocket. 

he opened it, and you walked in. the inside was even prettier. you knew billy lived in a pretty white kid home, but it was still nice. until you heard barking, and saw a golden blur and felt a pressure on your chest. you were on the ground now, a golden heap of fur between your legs and barking at you. now winded, billy's dog began to lick your fingers. 

he immediately grabbed it, yelling "no," or "bad dog." you held yourself up with your hands. billy turned to you after calming his pet down, rushing to help you up and rambling nervously. "are you okay?" "i'm so sorry," "are you hurt?" he helped you up on your feet, and you patted his shoulder reassuringly. "i'm okay, don't worry." he sighed. 

"who's this?" a voice said. you turned your head, to see a woman with a striking resemblance to the boy next to you. puffy blonde hair, with pink lips and glittery blue eyeshadow. you smiled. "hi, i'm billy's friend. i came to work on a project with him, i hope you don't mind." the woman smiled, flashing her pearly white teeth. "oh, yes! billy told me about you, it's so nice to meet you!" she gushed, grabbing your hand and clasping it between her red nail painted hands. 

"would you like anything to eat, or drink?" she asked cheerfully. you shook your head. "i'm okay. thank you, ms. showalter." 

she smiled. "of course. you two hurry on up and get your work done," she ushered. you and billy looked at each other. he pointed to the stairs.

you sat down on a chair in his room, spinning and admiring the interior. the habitat of billy showalter. he had a few posters up, and a messily made bed. "cool room," you said. he sat down on his bed, opening his notes. "thanks. i have the poster board over there, so we can start working on it now," he got straight to the point. you sighed, throwing you head back as you spun. "oh, right," you groaned. 

billy stopped for a moment, watching you spin around endlessly, and then back to the binder in his hands. he looked back up. "we don't have to do this, you know." 

you stopped spinning, feeling dizzy as you turned to him. "i thought you wanted to?" you asked, confused. he sighed. "you think i actually like doing schoolwork?" you bounced your leg. "yeah, you're like, the grade golden boy," you stated, waving your hand around. billy shrugged. "i'm still a teenager."

you watched him as he put the binder back in his backpack. "then what did i come here for?" ouch. did you not want to be here? billy inhaled. "we could do teenager stuff?" 

"i don't do drugs!" you said frantically. billy stuttered in shock. "i don't either! i meant like, cards or something!" 

you blinked. oh, that was embarrassing. you couldn't ever see billy doing that stuff either. "okay, okay, good. keep being golden."

speaking of golden, billy's dog burst through the door, trotting laps around you and the boy excitedly. you ran your hands through its thick fur, it turned around to sniff and invade your personal space in reply. you laughed, it tickling your ears with its breath. "what's the name?" you asked. billy watched you carefully. he was glad you liked dogs. "cooper." you rubbed cooper's ears, staring into his big black eyes. "he's cute."

he watched you, his heart swelling. he was really, really glad you liked dogs. 

"so, you got a girlfriend?" you asked out of the blue. you were actually curious. not that you would be jealous or anything. he just looked at you, a furrow in his brow. "what? no." you looked at him in return. "a boyfriend..?" billy shook his head furiously. "i don't have anyone." you gave him an 'oh' face. he hesitated, looking away. "do you?" 

you set your hands in your lap, cooper licking your fingers. "no, i don't. do you like anyone?"

"maybe," he replied. "what about you?"

you broke eye contact sheepishly. "maybe." 

it was quiet for a few moments, neither of you looking at each other. you coughed. "so, what about those cards?" billy got up from his bed, you on the floor. he got the pack of cards from his bedside and sat down on the floor directly in front of you. "you know how to play uno?" you squinted. you had seen them in the grab 'n go, but you never cared to buy them. "no." 

he smiled at you. that god awful, perfect smile that made you want to crush him. "cool, i'll teach you then." 

he distributed the cards between you, each getting seven. you had grinned idiotically while you watched him struggle to shuffle the cards. 

"okay, so basically, you have to match the card to the one the other person puts down. so if i put down a green 8, you have to put down a green card or an 8. but there are also special cards, and they can make the other person draw more cards, or skip them. but the objective is to get rid of all your cards. you get rid of them, you win. got it?" he looked up at you from his eyelashes. you nodded. he explained it well. "okay."

he set down his card. a red 4. you looked through your cards, making sure he didn't see any as you set down a red card. he set down his, and it kept going between you. either of you would put down a plus two or plus four and the other would groan dramatically, the other laughing. billy won, eventually. so you played again, over and over. and billy beat you every time.

"you've gotta be cheating," you huffed. you were a sore loser. he squinted. "beginners.. misfortune?" he said questionably. you threw your cards up. "man, thats not even a thing, you just wanna make me feel better." he chuckled at you. "yeah." billy scratched cooper's chin. he sat next to both of you the entire time, wagging his tail when either of you got excited. 

you were interrupted when billy's mom called you and him from downstairs. "i made dinner!" she sang. you checked your watch. "ah, i didn't realize it was that time."

billy and you headed downstairs. you smelt the food she prepared, and it smelt good. "thank you for dinner, mrs. showalter. i hope you don't mind." she set down the hot plates on the table, your silverware already out and ready. "of course not! billy's father is coming home late because of work, so i really appreciate the company. and billy does, too," she winked at you, making your cheeks warm. you sat down at the table, billy across from you next to his mom. she instructed you to eat, and you started. it was delicious, noodles and cheese and bacon bits sprinkled on the top. good thing you remembered your table manners, or else you would have wolfed the whole thing down.

"so, you two. how's the project going on?" she asked you. you stopped eating for a moment, looking at billy who was already looking at you. you tried to hold back a smile. "it's, uh, going good. we have the notes ready." 

she nodded. "that's good." it was silent after that, just the sound of the forks on the plate as you ate. you looked at billy again, who was trying to hide his smile as well. you decided not to tell her that you two were just playing cards the whole time.

you all finished up, bringing your plates to the sink to wash them. "billy, would you take out the trash, please?" his mother asked over her shoulder. he nodded, pulling the trash bag out of the trashcan and leaving your view. mrs. showalter stood next to you, drying the plates you cleaned. "so, are you two dating?" she asked innocently. 

heat bloomed in your cheeks, and you scrubbed a little harder. "aha, no, it's not like that, we're just friends." whether you were trying to convince her or yourself, it didn't work. she sighed. "denial, denial. from a mother, i see how my boy looks at you. and i see how you look at him. look a little harder, okay?" she murmured sweetly. you handed her the last plate. you hated it, but she was right. 

billy came back, and told you it was getting late. almost 7:00. you went upstairs to retrieve your stuff to go home. 

you had to say something to him now. "i never got to thank you, by the way. for the newspaper," you said slowly, slinging your backpack over your shoulder. billy was sat on his bed.

he shrugged. "it's no big deal."

you sat down next to him, looking away and fiddling with your fingers. "no, it is. i don't know why you did it. but thank you."

thats why billy did it. he would never admit, but he was a sucker for praise. hearing it coming from you felt ten times better. he could have kissed you, if you were looking at him.

"you're welcome," he whispered. 

you turned to face him. his heart was beating, and he wouldn't be surprised if you could hear it. the air felt thicker and heavier than it did a minute ago, as he stared at your face, which seemed to get closer the more he looked.

his eyes were so pretty, and so brown. his skin seemed glowier than it did in school. 

you looked away again, trying to steady your breath. "christ, showalter." 

billy frowned. "what is it?"

you ran your fingers through your hair. "i don't even know. you make me feel things i don't want to," you huffed. billy's chest squeezed. reluctantly, he touched his pinkie to your hand next to his. you flinched slightly, but interlocked pinkies with the boy. a simple, innocent gesture that made you feel fuzzy. 

you inhaled sharply. "i should go home now," you said quietly.

billy stood up, holding his hand out for you to take it. fighting a smile, you slid your hand in his and got up.

"you're free to come any time," mrs. showalter said gently. "it's our pleasure having you here," she winked. you grinned faintly, thanking her for her hospitality.

"i'll walk you home," billy volunteered. you furrowed your brow, "are you sure? i know its-"

"no, i want to walk you," he insisted. you nodded, smiling at him. "okay."

he pushed the door open for you. the sun was down, the sky a beautiful mix of purple and orange. you walked silently, side by side with the delivery boy, your hands interlocked. 

you didn't want to hide your feelings from him anymore. when you did, you felt that wormy feeling. but when you were with billy, it wasn't there. mrs showalter was right, he did look at you. he saw you. he saw the way your hair rounded over your head, the curve of your brow and the dip in your nose. he saw the way you looked away when you got shy, and the way you fidgeted and held your fingers, and the way you would flinch ever so slightly when he made contact with you. and he loved every part of it.

you saw billy, not just in the halls, or on the streets. you saw the corner of his lips twitching upward into a smile, the scars on his palms, the golden glow of his brown eyes. and you were attracted to him.

your house got closer, the slightly scratched up door in your line of sight as you walked beside billy on the sidewalk.

just say it.

you breathed. "i think i like you, billy." 

both of you kept walking. you didn't hear the quickened pace of his heartbeat, or see the growing hotness in his cheeks, or feel the slight sweatiness of his palms.

"i think i like you, too."

you stopped, your front door not even 15 yards away now. you turned to him, slowly. he looked at you, from the corner of his eye. you gave him a closed-mouth smile, to which he smiled back instinctively. a pure, genuine smile. both of you laughed slightly, your hands still interlocked. 

you felt weird now, like you had just taken multiple shots of pure caffeine. but you stayed in place, your knees threatening to give way as you and billy showalter stared at each other.

you slipped a hand into your pocket. "right, i, uh. i wanted to pay you back for, everything. i owed you," you told him awkwardly, holding out the crumpled dollar bills. he frowned at you, asking if you were sure, that it was really okay and you didn't have to pay him. 

you shook your head. "no, i want to. let me do this." you flipped his hand over, sliding the money in his hand. "so we're even now." 

he closed his hand around the money, a smile growing on his face. "yeah, we are." 

you averted your eyes bashfully, looking to the ground. his converse were almost touching yours, by an inch. you stepped back, a sweet, nervous look on your face.

"i'll see you, then?" you said unsteadily, backing towards your house.

billy nodded, shuffling his feet. "yeah. you bet." 

you grinned, your fingers wrapping around your doorknob. "okay. bye, billy." 

he raised his hand in response, watching you close the door, and standing there for a second before turning around and making way back to his house. all with a stupid smile on his face.

you stood behind the door for a while, rubbing your eyes and your warm cheeks. it felt like a dream. a really good dream.

you ran immediately to your room, ignoring the yelps of your dog and your parents greeting as you dialed donna's number with shaky hands.

you liked billy showalter, a lot.

_________

#the black phone 2022 #the black phone #the black phone x reader #the black phone headcanons #the black phone x you #black phone #paperboy the black phone #paperboy #billy showalter #billy showalter x reader #bruce yamada #bruce yamada x reader #finney blake #finney blake x reader #vance hopper x reader #vance hopper #vance the black phone #gwen blake #robin arellano #robin arellano x reader #griffin stagg #tbp x reader #tbp bruce

[emoangel44]

HI RAXZ IT TOOK LONGER THAN EXPECTED AS IT'S BEEN A WEEK BUT!!! DURING ALL THAT I DIDN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT YOUR FIC/S It's just one of those pieces of fanwork that leaves so much of an impression on someone, that it just ends up sticking and changing what you initially thought of a character, because of how well done the things most would just move aside or chalk up for simple reasons. you seem to be the only person who really does get Chara like no other, and I hope it's not strange to say you write them almost as if you know them or you are them that I'm sorta afraid nothing else will live up to how you written them and asriel in ur fan fic LOL but no matter... i will prevail. I love how you were able to portray charas self hate and self harm, i love how you didn't hold back on the ugly side of it and how far and disturbing it can be especially for someone as young as chara. There's just something so realistic about it that don't see alot anywhere else. 

I also like how you made asriel be childish, childish in a way a kid can be bratty or selfish(?) in the first half, that might not be a good descriptor but my puter is lagging from the many many words I've written for this ask so I'm making do </3 the point is you really know how to write these kids. Also enjoy that the tone of each fic is starkly different from one another, asriels pov feels grounded in comparison to charas inner thoughts

HOPEFULLY this all makes a little sort of sense, I've read both of ur fics three times so I'm praying it does, amen. ANYWAYS……. Love ur brain, would love to hear any thoughts you have on utdr in general if you ever decide to share em…. godbless. perhaps i couldve worded this better in a diffrent time but oh well, we ball. i hope u have a great day emoangel44🫡 will be looking forward for ur new utdr stuff

FIORE!!! i have been waiting for this day.. thank you so much. ive had several people say that i really get chara including like, literal veteran chara fans. its very nice to hear, theyre pretty important to me as a character. which is rather funny because the only analysis ive ever actually written on them that wasnt fanfiction was an essay on how i think theyre kind of actually a little poorly written LOL. to understand someone you have to know their weakpoints i guess... even if on a meta level.

for my asriel interpretation i try to incorporate a lot of "flowey-isms" as i say. the way i see asriel is that he was always a bit of a bratty, selfish kid that struggled with low empathy. he chooses to do what he thinks is right because he knows its right and not because it provides him with positive feelings himself... i think thats even more admirable. as opposed to this is think chara is high empathy which is part of the reason they did what they did. asriel is just way more of a people person than chara and so comes off as more understanding, charas just naturally a bit off-putting no matter how hard they try not to be.

chara and asriel are quite different people so i tried to make that clear in how i write their perspectives. chara is kind of stuck in their own head and lives in a world with walls of misery and think prose. theyre very direct but also very metaphorical. its a weird combination but it gets easier to write when taking in account their canon dialogues (one day youll get a fic from me with a more light hearted tone where chara will get to make their dog puns and nerd jokes. maybe). this is also the reason i write them with a strange mix of first and second person. it just feels natural for our narrator.

asriel on the other hand is much much more of an emotional person and is much less formal in how he thinks. he has a lot more filler words and "i-think"s and "i-feel"s and such.

i figure ill write a bit on what inspired each fic.

for my chara fic, i actually started writing it while bored in class. it was inspired a narration line in one of the fights in undertale, the one i used for the summary. the main thing i wanted to play with was metaphors and metaphors upon metaphors. mainly related to charas self hatred though the lense of soil and dirt and flowers and gardens because of course.

for my asriel fic, the main thing i wanted to play with was, quite obviously, writing from asriels perspective. i had already written 2 fics from charas perpective (the 1st one isnt as good as the other two and was mostly written as a characterization and perspective test) so i figured it was time to give him a turn, especially since it we only realy got a peak and asriels personality through charas eyes and i wanted to show it off more. the other thing that the fic ended up centering on is something my friend said to me about how they felt my chara characterization was screaming to be understood under all the hurt. basically the thesis of this fic is "asriel did not fully get chara but he was also the closest anyone ever got by a long shot which counts for something".

if youd like to see my other undertale stuff, here is some poetry ive written about chara (and asriel), here is my art tag which is full of stuff with them (alternatively, just use my undertale tag if you dont want art of anything else), here are my chara and asriel playlists that i always listen to while writing, and here is that chara essay i mentioned.

speaking of my thoughts on utdr... i actually dont post the majority of them. but id absolutely love to talk about them. so if you (or anyone else) have any questions about my thoughts on utdr or want to start a discussion about it Please do. Im actually begging you. i need more engagement guys send me asks. thank you for reading this absurdly long response

#raxz.ask #undertale

[stupidrant]

RANT INCOMING!

I have to talk abt this as this has been in my mind for months and this i think is the only safe space to talk abt the fandom and their weird antics towards the characters/actors and overall games.Im not against criticism but theres a line between criticizing and going overboard with hating.

One thing i dont understand abt the god of war fandom is that they complain about alot of things not being “accurate” and thats doesnt make sense to me bc when has gow ever been accurate? I thought it was obvious from the beginning that SMS wasnt going for that and never truly will. Its always their own interpretation. They also have this weird hatred / ignorance towards atreus that i also dont understand? Yea he was a little annoying in the first game but thats understandable as hes… a kid. Ragnarok expanded his character pretty well imo and i feel like alot of these people for some reason cannot get past him in general? Maybe because they are afraid of him taking over the series and “forgetting” kratos (idk why thats in their minds LOL) or they just hate him just because. I feel like the fandom wants kratos to forever be this god who destroys things and whatnot and its all so weird. like they never gave him a chance. thankfully he has fans but majority hates him. Dont even get me started on how they treat angrboda. Its really so ridiculous to me that they can be so hateful for no true reason. they call her a bitch for yelling at atreus when all the women in the game get annoyed or disappointed in him atleast once. And they dont understand that she has only known this prophecy shit for her whole life and she couldnt do anything outside bc of the threat. ofc shes angry bro LOLL its also in her name like i dont understand 😭.  Atreus helps her get out of that mindset and assures her she can do whatever she wants now. Laya is so strong idk how she does it :( I also noticed they treat thrud as this “replacement” of angrboda bc they dont like her either cuz shes black or bc they hate her and everything related to atreus but as long as he has a character they can like thats not angrboda its fine. Its all so weird bc theres no competition between the two. There never was. I dont think they actually like thrud for her character they just want to be weirdos and i feel kinda bad for her and mina bc they really dont give a fuck. Im so shocked chris sunny and others even INTERACT with this bullshit of a fandom they are all really strong bc id say fuck all of you and go 😭 im not against criticism at all and i try not to take this shit seriously but its hard when you see a insane group of people take alot of this shit to the next level. this fandom is a bunch of whiny babies who hold onto their precious destroyer too much. The hate everyone has gotten recently is just so stupid and they often times try to make it their goal to hate. I see that SMS is trying to diverge their fandom to a broader audience and they are taking a bit more risks esp with atreus and i love that despite the backlash against him, they continued with his character regardless. I hope they do the same thing with the other characters as well and expand them no matter how much these people want to hate and act all high and mighty. I can understand certain critiques like the ending being too fast or maybe they couldve done blah blah better and whatnot but i think alot of people are overreacting and being ridiculously nitpicky with alot of things when it comes to ragnarok. 

Last thing and also kinda random thing SMS is very wrong for what they did to TC Carson and i acknowledge that completely and i hope they never do smth like that to any of the current cast either bc i would be fucking pissed if so LOL

#God of war #god of war fandom #Gow #kratos #Atreus #angrboda #freya #thrud #thor #sif #yall are some fucking assholes #fandom #bullshit #gowr #god of war ragnarok #my stuff

[pixiecapsalt]

time to qsmp talk

theres multiple things about the new server that i do enjoy i love the new mods and i mean lootr is so awesome for dungeons and theres a lot more cool blocks and decorations to build with and i think bounties are actually fun to give people stuff to do and i love the new world and everyone starting from zero and new builds.

but theres also the cons! i truly would not have minded the economy system if it wasnt so invasive to the gameplay. i dont mind “money” being established when it comes to buying silly things like cosmetics or the plushies or generally things that dont impede you being unable to craft. i understand why everything is behind a paywall, i get it, they want to really promote this system and get the players involved but its such a drastic shift from being able to simply craft a waystone.. to having to pay for every single one you want. it’s rough. it dont see the point really in having a mod in the game but locking it behind money and removing essentially its utility to the players. with every con though theres pros like its interesting to see how players develop transportation for themselves to get around easier i mean points towards foolish have you ever seen a man so dedicated to breeding fast horses. but again that doesnt lessen the unfortunate aspect of waystones, warpstones, and such being less available.

i dont see the point in putting the nether behind a paywall i dont get why they have to grind for it as if they havent waited long enough and tried millions of things go get the nether already. its odd. though again i think these choices make sense in the story like the island is being run by a new character mr bunny and he’s obsessed with money so it makes sense for the players to live in this capitalistic hellscape where they need to even pay to teleport. i think it reinforces the power and imbalance between the federation and the islanders. they thought they had it bad but they continue to make their lives worse. i think all of this works actually really well in the story my issue is that when you look at it from any other lens its not fun. it feels unnecessary and forced onto the players, which again makes sense in the story, to partake in. idk i think if the admins wanted to delay the nether being opened then they couldve just done that without the collective spending. it feels really weird. i always wanted the nether opening to be this cool grand lore moment but it feels like its just going to be “woo u wasted money congrats here u go” not nearly as thrilling as if the players idk uncovered information from the federation and the bunnies and found a way to make a permanent functioning portal that would lead to this opening moment.

the whole thing with the coins is such a shame because i wanted it to be good but as of right now it doesnt bode well with me. also makes me question what about all the players duck coins they had earned prior to the reset? where did those go? once they go back to their old builds can they deposit that money?

i wouldnt even say earning coins is hard like the admins have offered a variety of ways to get coins my main issue is all the things behind these payments with the coins. i dont get the nerf with waystones i dont get why. i dont know. i’d like to have a genuine chat with the admins over what the future of the smp looks like to them and what their aim is with all these features. i want to understand better so im able to watch and know what the point is before simply criticizing ignorantly. but im sure they’ve received a lot of negativity already and i dont want them to be discouraged. im just honestly curious like the beginning of purgatory was confusing and jarring but once we got the premise of what it is and what its purpose is meant to be in relation to the server i personally ended up enjoying it throughly.

anyways peace and love on planet earth ily admins and qsmp team (please set us free)

#im not that pressed at the end of the day but i do miss stuff from the 2023 server

[dumplingtrait]

thank you @authorspirit for tagging me !!

what's your resolution for your simblr?

i really want to improve my cas skills and find my 'sim style', i really want to make distinct sims that are special to me - i hope that happens this year. i also want to be more active in this community in general - i'm terrible at replying back irl but i'll try to be better here, i'd love to get to know my mutuals more 🙏 oh i also want to learn how to make better pics !! maybe i'll finally use dsr and learn photoshop 😂

what do you want from the sims franchise?

hm, that's a tough one. as much as i appreciate south east asian representation, i think they couldve done a little better with for rent. if they could make it less buggy, populate the world more, and maybe add more/ bigger lots? that would be a good start!

any other new years resolutions?

a big priority for me is to find a better job this year, i've just recently left so jobhunting is high on the agenda for me 😂 other than that, i'd like to learn to enjoy gym, get a better skincare routine, and travel more 🎉

it always makes me happy when i get tagged in these cute little trends, thanks again 🥰

i'd like to tag @box-of-sims, @graveyard-gumbo, @bittersimmer, @theosconfessions, @noeyinthemist, @jonquilyst, @havenroyals, @ashubii, @matchalovertrait, @wastelandwhisperer @plumbewb, and @thebramblewood - feel free to ignore if you've already done it !!

#txt

[zeta-in-de-walls]

ctommys ending wasnt pointless, like i agree it wasnt the best and couldve been better, but if you really analyze it, there was a lot that worked quite well.

Ctommy got his closure in a way (finally getting his question of why cdream hurt him was answered). Finding out cdreams true motives which is something he always wnated to know

Seeing for himself that cdreams true motivations were true. He knew cdream was not making it up for once as he saw it for himself

Ctommy winning against cdream (and cpunz) , finally getting cdream to break as well as killing both cpunz and cdream. Cdream even feeling alone and betrayed before dying yet giving into ctommy beating him since he didnt try escaping and instead just stayed there and looked at ctommy. (Dying lonely just as what he had done to ctommy.) And yes ctommy died feeling like he had been too foolish and impulsive but both of these instances highlighted both characters flaws. Ctommy being too impulsive + stuck in the past to his downfall, and cdream being too stuck in an ends justify the means long term plans shit + stuck in past lead to his down fall.

it was important for cdiscduo to both die because both were stuck in a loop of this need for simplistic things whilst also having no shot of truley fixing things as things just were too far. Ctommy was planning to make a new country and was still thinking excessively about how cdream treated him in the past(not his fault), and cdream and cpunz were obsessed with that revival book and 'fixing the server'.

ctommy simply killing them after getting his closure and leaving wouldnt of fixed things exactly either cuz by that point it was just too late.

The s2 start was ok because it had what both cdiscduo wanted (simpler times again) even though past cdiscduo would of never known that things were reset. They never knew that they got what they wanted. And now all that sht is left to interpretation, there were hints that cdream in that new memory wipe thing still had some memories so people just can assume whatever. Since its never happening (which is for the best for obvi reasons), we can just speculate if one wanted too.

Tommy's DSMP ending was really bad.

Character with suicidal thoughts comes up with a plan that involves him dying. As a result, him and eveyrthing he loves dies.

His story had a theme about the importance of attachments and love and Tommy loses everything. Including all his memories. You don't burn memories. Even at his lowest during exile, the photos of Tubbo helped keep him sane.

Tommy's validation comes in the form of him coming to an understanding and literally seeing the one who so cruelly isolated him and deliberately made him think that he was worthless and promised to kill, to see his point of view.

On realising Dreams motives and winning against Dream, as I've said it really serves Dream's character more than Tommy's. Tommy is damaged by Dream and his arc should be about being able to move on from that pain and to make sure Dream can't hurt him again but instead he ends without his memories as Dream's friend.

It's fine that Tommy likes things simple but the comparison with Dream is not satisfying nor does it feel convincing in the stream itself.

What's the point of a character struggling to live and heal and become the best version of themselves if at the end of it they die by their own hand, with their last words being words of regret towards the one who hurt them?

#meta #analysis #replies #please see my other posts on my thoughts about the ending they should be under my tommyinnit tag #sorry but i hate it and believe it is thematiclally unsatisfying

[lunatic-fandom-space]

since ive been really obsessed with elisabeth: das musical and I found out that a bunch of different guys from that musical made one about rudolf as well, ive been thinking about watching it but i was never really in the mood because im not much of a Frank Wildhorn girlie ngl, like his music is fine, its not bad at all it just always leaves me thinking "eh, couldve been better" and as far as I was concerned i already HAD better so why bother. BUT for some reason I was like "I dont wanna just go to bed early on sylvester like ive done these past few years because thats super lame" and I decided that I would stay up until 22:00 and then watch this rudolf musical as the new year comes in. which is only slightly less lame than what i usually do

Anyway, i did that, I dont have any strong feelings about it, the only reason im telling you all that is that I need to share a with you the moment during my watching experience where my thoughts and the musical managed to achieve perfect synthesis by complete coincidence

so ive talked before about how i would really like to read and write elisabeth fanfics but I cant bring myself to because its technically rpf and my brain simply prevents me from doing that. Well, fortunately for me my weird brain doesnt prevent me from reading fanfics about den tod, which is to say fanfics where people just plop elisabeth!death into some other fandom for the purposes of having their blorbos engage in some philosophical and/or romantic interactions with that gnc af man. And theres this one fanfic that i read, i believe it was a les mis fic (the les mis fandom loves den tod btw more than other fandoms for some reason) where this guy who always has Death sortof hangin out in his periphery for some reason thinks to himself something like "oh, hes quite beautiful, i bet it would be fun to have a little death with death ;)" and I really like that fic Im very surprised that that was the only time ive encountered a joke like that. Maybe theres more of those in the actual elisabeth fanfics idk

back to the other musical, i just got through the first act and it was fine but Im getting pretty tired because Im usually in bed by 18:30 but now its like 23 pm, so I start to zone out a little and I start thinking about that fanfic I just described to you like damn, you would think i wouldve encountered the idea of connecting literal death with the metaphorical little death before but I guess not.maybe i just need to read more idk. And just as Im thinking that, we get to a scene in the musical where Rudolf is at like a brothel or smth hangin out with a bunch of women and shitty guys and they start singing this song about sex but its also obviously a song about suicide and I am immediately at attention again babeyyyy these historical musicals know just how to reel me in

#also if i got a dime everytime a musical number about crown prince rudolf inspired me to write a short story romanticising death #im about to have 2 dimes babey #except its gonna WAYYY hornier this time #the short story #not the figurative dime #some personal shit #rudolf affaire mayerlin #elisabeth das musical

[yuinova]

Despite everything that Jiwoo has done to Seojoon I can never bring myself to hate him because I know exactly where he's coming from. I only wish everyone else would also stop saying that Jiwoo is some monster and that he ruined this relationship which is partly true ofc but saying this typa shit is exactly what makes a person like Jiwoo worse .

When you're insecure and have low self esteem from a young age you start genuinely believing it as you grow. Most of the time when you're as severe as Jiwoo is you can't just magically fix it by just talking to your partner. and honestly who even wants to go up to their partner they genuinely love and knows loves them back and tell them "I feel so lonely because you have a life and friends of your own and I feel like im insignificant and i hate myself because you don't make me feel like I have a place to belong" Like you can't just say these without in some way offending the other party when they are also trying the best at the relationship. and Jiwoo knows that this is something he has to fix on his own. and thats why Jiwoo says that Seojoon never did anything wrong

but that doesn't mean Jiwoo did anything wrong either (however i do feel the breakup couldve been handled alot better and in a way that doesn't trigger the trauma and ptsd Seojoon has, that being said i can also understand why Jiwoo didn't want to have a face to face confrontation bc he knew he would have to leave no matter what and that would've been difficult if he was seeing Seojoon and seeing him cry and fight for him to stay wouldve most probably made him stay) You can't control how it makes you feel. Always second guessing everything, always being anxious, always thinking that at any given moment your partner would suddenly have an eye opening realization that you're beneath them and that would be the end of it.

But Jiwoo KNEW he was everything to Seojoon, atleast to some extent. He knew how he was blowing off friends and work and risking his career just so he could spend time with him. If i were Jiwoo being in that position would've make me feel so guilty and selfish. Jiwoo tries to hide all those insecurities but now its clear that Seojoon sees through it all. The feeling that you're ruining somebodys life, esp when its someone you love, by being "selfish"... its a gut wrenching feeling. This is how it goes with having no self esteem and self worth. You want to have it all but when you do you feel you're selfish and that you're a burden. Wanting to feel like someone's one and only person but when you finally do it makes you think if you really deserve it, makes you unbelievably scared of losing it, and the fear of knowing you might not be able to reciprocate the same level of love the other party is so openly and endlessly pouring out to you because of all these feelings that bring hesitation, it makes you want to run away and stop being that "burden", while also simultaneously building walls that would protect you from the pain that comes from losing it and that's exactly what Jiwoo did.

Jiwoo loves Seojoon Too Much to put him through a relationship with someone who can't even fully appreciate his efforts.

#no more jiwoo slander #please #he's trying his best #he has also been so lonely all this time #to my star 2 #to my star #son woo hyun #kim kang min #나의 별에게 #나의 별에게2

[axemetaphor]

my dad got his hands on a copy of Sonic 06 for the xbox and asked me to be his play-tester after having a lot of trouble with that speed level right at the beginning (catching up to Eggman's ship on the beach) and i got as far as the Silver battle before giving up, so here's my notes

DISCLAIMER this isnt an invitation to dunk on the game in the notes of this post alright we've seen enough of that. i dont hate the game. no, really, i dont. i respect everything it tried to be and feel bad for literally everyone working on it because, from what i gather, they were green and facing extreme crunch time. sucks for everyone involved. anyway:

the load times on xbox were VASTLY better, which makes a lot of sense, given from what i know the ps3 has a ... strange way of storing/retrieving/loading data, but they were still pretty long and a little too frequent for my liking. still, probably not anyone's fault, tbqh. i'll have to see if the emulator my dad's working on getting on his PC (finally, he's been trying to do that for years now lmao,) has the same issue to figure out if it's a programming problem or hardware. personally im pretty sure it's just hardware.

it's much easier to steer sonic if you use the camera and his movement, but the camera will still fuck you over. this isnt 06 specific though game cameras are Always hard to wrangle lmao

the animations for this game are so strange... i dont say this as a negative whatsoever. it looks like they were mocapped, which is fascinating to me, translating human proportions onto sonic--it doesnt always work, and i personally wouldn't've made the choice to do that, but it makes me want to study it lmao

the voice acting as well is strange, at least in english; im not knocking anyone's work, whatsoever. i still really love the performances. but i think back to this one tweet i made about silver's intro dialogue where i mentioned that i loved the performance, but the poor guy sounded like he'd done a hundred takes of the audio and was losing grasp of Words themselves (As happens to everybody) and Silver's english VA not only liked the tweet but started following me because of it. this was during the trend of not actually giving VAs context for their dialogue, and not really.. respecting them at all, and it makes me sad to think that maybe they did stick everyone in a box, hand them lists of lines, and make them say them over and over until the director got whatever they wanted--or, on the opposite end, were only given enough time for a single take out of the inherent disrespect for VAs that's present in Many fields

the environments are fucking gorgeous and i was genuinely surprised by how many things i could interact with in the levels. granted, i did get stuck on them sometimes, but i doubt the poor devs got any chance to fix that shit. i liked especially ramming Eggman's Cerberus into a statue instead of the wall and watching the statue completely shatter, that's genuinely pretty cool, they couldve just had it be like the walls, static and unreacting. i also liked how the Cerberus decimated those pillars, but thats mostly because the camera kept getting stuck on them

there's very little active direction in the game, save for the floating (?)s, which can sometimes be wordy enough that ive already fucked up and died before theyre done talking. that's probably on my dumbass though.

collision physics in this game ... sure is. i cant remember if all games from the 2000s were like this given i have more experience with older games (pre-00's) + brand fucken new ones so someone else weigh in on this s'il vous plait.

the pre-rendered cutscenes are still fucking gorgeous. delightful.

so much of this game is such a lovely awkward development-stage kind of thing, like awkward teen years. the homing-attack mechanics make me grateful for the auto-targeting of later games. the way he goes from 0 to 100 is in character but hard to play (unwieldy) and makes me glad for the more measured sliding scale of other games. the sprint parts of the game, where youre just steering him, are so fucking cool but i am so fucking bad at them and im glad that in future games the sensitivity of the controls was turned down. it took me some lives to get into a proper rhythm with it, get a sense of just how much of a hair trigger the directional changes were. tails' attacks in this game definitely felt like they could've been much better (throwing the bombs is So difficult to aim, thanks to the camera and how long the animation for it is) and i'm glad they're different in other games--the bombs is a cool idea, just needed to be implemented differently imo

if you knwo more about the development n shit of this game id love to hear it, all i know is they had serious crunch time to release the game alongside the ps3 as its flagship game and had to cut a lot of steps from the process/cut a lot of corners. i attribute a lot of its flaws (and "flaws") to that tbqh. sonic 06 is not a bad game, it's a game that was failed by its circumstances. i dont know fully, im just an animator, i have never in my life made a proper video game.

also this may just be me but i have a theory that this game was meant to be like the Shadow the Hedgehog game, and not rated E for Everyone after all. the darker storybeats (sonic's murder, elise's death, silver's future etc) all feel like they'd have been better-executed at a level closer to that. it feels To Me like they were developing the beginnings of this game (script, designs) in tandem with the endtail development of ShTH, and when it received pushback for the guns, swearing, and violence, they panicked and had to neuter the story. i have a lot of respect for what the game COULD have been.

#sonic the hedgehog #sth #sonic 06 #rambles.txt #i do genuinely want people to educate me more on the game's development i know there's people on here who know more #anyways. the last bit i have there about the story is exactly why im working on an 06/johndies crossover it rly works so well man #also if you know how to beat silver. let me know. he murdered my ass a Lot #one time he threw me up against the sky boundary that was interesting JHGVFCG