#i love my little cocoon of being free to do what i want without having to worry about new stuff
Note
thank you again for being willing to receive my fics 🥺👉👈🥺🥺😭 i have another part to the one I sent in before… i hope you enjoy, sorry for the long long message :,D it’s kind of an essay sorry ;;
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“Hey, hey, sweet thing, it’s okay, it’s okay, I’m sorry I let go of you, I thought you didn’t want to be touched, shh, shh,” Tav spoke quickly, putting his hands around Astarion’s back.
Astarion grasps around, finding the crook of Tav’s neck and burying his face in. A long, pained whine left his throat.
“…I think bathtime is over,” Tav whispers.
The little vampire stares up with watery eyes. “…Sow‘y…”
“No, no, shh,” Tav lifts him out of the bath, the cold air biting at his skin and only making him want to snuggle in closer. “You did so well. My brave boy.”
Astarion gives him a hopeful look. Brave? He’s brave? Tav seems to sense his silent question and lightly taps his nose.
“Yes, you’re so brave!” he coos. “You’ve been my brave little boy all day long.”
That wouldn’t even describe half of it, really, but Astarion was far too little to talk about everything that had happened. With the little smile sneaking its way onto his gaunt face, he seemed perfectly happy to be called a brave boy for facing the bathtub.
“B’ave,” he smiles to himself, happy enough with the praise to not notice Tav wrapping him in a towel, nice and snug.
He only notices when Tav properly cradles him again and, without access to his hands, can’t grab fistfuls of his caregiver’s shirt to cuddle in closer. This realization is met with a pout and a bit of squirming, busy little mind having all but forgotten his pride over being called brave now that this minor inconvenience was in his way.
And ever the attentive carer, Tav picks up on it right away.
“Oh, now, what are we pouty about, little love? You were so happy a second ago.”
“…Cuddle,” Astarion sulks—even the immense amount of emotional turmoil he’s endured today can’t keep down his impatience, his dramatics, and his dramatic impatience.
“Oh,” Tav tries to stifle a laugh—he knows Astarion has been through enough today, and to his regressed self, something like this is indeed a very big deal. “Oh, dada’s right here, baby, I won’t go anywhere. I just need to get you dried off and dressed and then you can have all the cuddles you want. Brave little boys like you deserve lots of dada cuddles.”
“Cuddle now,” Astarion whines.
Tav said he wouldn’t go away, but what if he did? What if he woke up back in Cazador’s palace to find out this had all been a dream? That there was no freedom, no safety, no dada? No, he needed cuddles now, before that could happen. He tries to squirm out of his little towel cocoon, to touch Tav, to make sure this is all still real.
“Ah-ah, no, Astarion,” Tav holds him steady. “Be patient, please. You don’t want to cuddle before I get you in your pretty clothes. You’ll get so cold, and that’s no fun, is it?”
Astarion whines again, a bit louder this time. No! He doesn’t want to wait! It doesn’t help anything! He waited 200 years for the day he could take his freedom back and he was still just as scared and sad as before now that it was finally here! He writhes more, grabbing about blindly as he tries to shake free of the towel.
“Oh, Astarion…”
Astarion is being laid on his back. Somewhere. He knows dada’s hands are further away than ever, and he hates that. His throat is raw from all the crying and screaming today, but he shrieks regardless, kicking and pounding his heels on the ground as the towel falls away. There isn’t much touch beyond a hand brushing his, but he isn’t having it.
For Tav’s part, he remains kneeled beside him. It’s a strange sight, a full-blown kicking and screaming tantrum from a grown man, but he doesn’t judge, doesn’t raise his voice, doesn’t try and hold Astarion’s arms down. It hurts to leave his baby to kick, scream and cry like this, but it’s all Tav can do. It’s been a huge day. Poor Astarion has so many emotions to get out. The best course of action, Tav thinks, is to step back and wait for the elfling to get all his big feelings out.
Or most of them, anyway.
When Astarion’s cries turn to shallow hiccups, Tav fully closes his hand around his. “There we are. Shhh. I know, little star. You have so many big feelings for such a little one. Is this better, now that you’ve gotten them all out? Or some of them, at least. Don’t you feel less icky now?”
Astarion sniffles and nods. But judging by the pout remaining on his face, he doesn’t like that Tav was right about him just needing a good, hard cry; some of that distaste including his regular adult mind that couldn’t help sneaking its way back into his otherwise regressed headspace just to writhe in embarrassment for his own behavior.
“Okay, fussy boy,” Tav chuckles good-naturedly, brushing some curls out of Astarion’s eyes. “Now that we have all that yucky energy out, let’s sit nice and still for dada, alright? The sooner you’re dressed, the sooner you’ll be warm…”
Ever since he kicked off the towel, especially now that he was cooling down from the stress of his fit, Astarion was finding it a bit cold…
“…and the sooner you’ll get to cuddle with dada, all you want.”
Astarion’s eyes widen as he looks up to Tav. Now that sounds like a good deal. Conniption all but forgotten, he tries his hardest to lay still for him. Admittedly, it does get a bit hard to not squirm when Tav’s hand draws closer to certain places, but Tav proves his intentions again and again as he works, every spot of “bad touch” quickly brushed over.
With Astarion fully cooperative now, Tav is able to diaper him without any fussing or insistence on being a big boy (clearly he’d given up the need for pride), then slip a long, baggy red shirt over his head. With its loose, soft fabric and golden trim, it looked like it would have made for rather tasteful clothes, but a few sizes too big for most people at camp, Tav knew it would instead make for perfect pajamas for his little star. Case and point, Astarion is already running his fingers over the fleecy fabric. Tav stops him before he can finish his little inspection, though—considering for a baby-brained Astarion, that meant he was going to start chewing on it.
While he doesn’t whine at having the sleeve taken from his mouth, he does give Tav a sour look no different than one he’d use while big.
“Ah-ah-ah, don’t give me that look,” Tav pokes his nose, a little gesture that makes Astarion’s scowl shatter like glass, unable to contain a tiny giggle. “That’s not something we put in our mouths, is it?”
Astarion pokes his tongue out. The fabric was just so soft and swishy! What was the harm in a little nibbling? Tav gives an exaggerated gasp of scandal. “Oh, you little rebel!” Astarion smirks in response, but Tav soon smirks back. “I guess that sleeve is more interesting than your paci, then?”
Astarion perks up. His paci? In his state of mind, he’d completely forgotten about the pack of regression supplies he had stashed away in his corner of camp or the inn.
“Bab-ee?” he babbles, trying to say “paci”, but the tension had left him feeling even littler than before, and words slipped uselessly off his loosened tongue.
“Paci?” Tav tries, reaching into a small pouch and pulling out a red pacifier, the bulb covered in little bite marks from the many times Astarion wanted a teether, but even regressed, was too prideful to ask.
“Ba-ey!” he coos happily, letting Tav pop the soother in his mouth.
Whatever tension still in him seems to slip away as nursing on the pacifier gives him that final push into the tiniest headspace possible. Tiny, free, loved, in a time far from when Cazador took him. A little newborn who had never known hardship. If you asked Astarion normally, he would say he loathed regularly regressing so small. But, as with many things, being little made him more inclined to be honest about those feelings, and it was clear that while Astarion hated the helplessness Cazador inflicted on him, this was something else entirely.
As he loosely paws at Tav’s hand, coordination failing him, he knows someone is there to care for him. This kind of helpless has no struggle. Just happiness, and dada’s warm smile as he tries to guide Astarion to a sitting position.
“It’s like posing a sack of potatoes,” Tav huffs, and Astarion giggles in turn, letting himself ragdoll back to the floor. “Oh, you! You’re doing that on purpose, aren’t you?”
OwAaaahhHHHHHH OH MY GOODNESS 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺💖💖💖💖 C R Y I N G this continuation has my heart filling SO MUCH LOEV😭💖💖💖💖 Astarion getting all those big feelings out and Tav being so gentle and caring while his little star expresses and fits aaaAAAAA
Your writing is positively phenomenal and aaa????🥺💖💖💖💖💖
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Hey there lovey! How are you? I was wondering (if you're comfy with it though) that danny ric calls reader "mommy" to see her reaction or where they're just chilling and all cuddly on their family vacation. Butttt I hope you're okay, and you're doing fine. Just found your page, so I'm going to read your stories. Please,remember to stay hydrated and you are love <3 enjoy the rest of your day/night. Btw if it's not too much for you...do you have any f1 stories? (Daniel,Lando,Charles,Carlos,Max, Pierre and ofc sir Lewis Hamilton.)..if it's too much for you, I completely understand.
Hey I’ve gone down a jokey route with this as I don’t write anything nsfw, if you wanted something more along those lines that may I suggest @safetycar-restart !! Also I’m English so I’m gonna put it as Mummy Cus the American spelling hurts my soul 😅
And I do have other F1 stuff, you can find it here on my Masterlist at the top of my page.
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I Take It Back!
You stepped out onto the balcony and stretched your arms above your head as you stepped outside, the sun was warm and the sky was clear. You’d treated yourself to a lie in but as you saw your husband laying face down on a lounger you rolled your eyes playfully.
“Daniel, did you remember to put on suncream?” You said, raising a brow as he lifted his head to look over at you - using a hand to block out the sun.
“No…”
“You’re gonna burn, get out of the sun until you have it on.”
“Yes, Mummy.”
The two of you shared each other down for a moment before an evil grin took over your face and you began to march towards him, he waved his hands in protest. Realising his mistake.
“I’m sorry! I take it back!” He laughed, as you grabbed a towel off the back of one of the chairs.
You launched yourself at him and wrapped him up in a tight cocoon. “Don’t worry, baby! Let mummy wrap you up nice and cosy!”
He squirmed in protest but you managed to swaddle him in the towel and he glared at you as you sat over him. “Not funny.”
“Oh it’s pretty funny. You started this.” You smirked, grabbing the suncream. “Now, let mummy cream you up. Stay nice and still.”
The Australian’s eyes widened as you squirted an ungodly amount of suncream into your hand.
“Y/n!” He whined, not being able to hold back the laughter as you playfully smacked a handful of suncream onto his cheek.
“Gotta make sure the little baby doesn’t burn, hold sti-aaaahh!”
Without warning, he managed to break free from his towel prison and tackle you into the pool, suncream going everywhere. “Hey! What was that about, mummy was just-“
“Oh stop it.” He chuckled, kissing you softly. “I’m supposed to be the funny one here.”
“Gotta get payback some how, haven’t I?” You teased, wrapping your arms around his neck and stroking the wet curls at the nape of his neck. “Because it’s definitely not the same if I call you Daddy is it?”
He opened and closed his mouth a few times and you laughed.
“Thought so.” You cooed, giving him a gentle kiss.
“I love you, silly girl.”
“I love you too.”
************
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because of this post tee hee- Hope you feel better soon! Make sure to drink water and rest because you are amazing :) (Also sorry this took a while, my roommate needed help hwfesdn)
Puppy!Mark x (Overwhelmed) Winged!Reader x Catboy!Mack
-It’s a tough job being captain. You run the ship, which means aside from your own workload, you also have to check up on the crew and other additional tasks. Checking reports, keeping your two head engineers (and boyfriends) from killing each other, all that jazz.
-Mack and Mark do help you a lot, sometimes taking on your workload when they were free, and you couldn’t imagine what you would have to face without them, but still..... It’s just so much.
-That’s why one day, they find you curled up in your shared room, wings fluffed up and wrapped around your face, with small sniffles coming from the makeshift cocoon, and can immediately tell what’s up.
-Mark instantly bounds across the room to engulf you in a hug, whereas Mack cautiously sits down beside you and asks you if your okay.
-When you’ve calmed down a bit, both boys (now cuddled completely into you :)) ask what’s up. You explain the situation, but when you finish the reminder of having to go back outside makes you never want to leave the bed.
-They gently card their hands through your wings while your speaking to make you feel better :D
-They know this, and despite not being able to stay with you the whole day, they decide to make the most of the “Captain Approved” break they made you give. Mack would put in some popcorn while Mark puts on a dumb movie, most likely a comedy, and you three end up cuddling and chatting away happily, barely paying attention to what’s on the screen.
-...until a little while later, when you notice a distinctly sweet rubbery smell.
-”Hey guys, do you smell something burning?’
-”oh sHIT THE POPCORN--”
-After the break when you guys go around doing your work, you may or may not notice the two trailing behind you and making sure you’re okay. :) or if you’re Mack, obsessively trying to finish your work for you-
I told you I’d do it tee hee- Ik it’s short, sorry about that!
shenanigans, shenanigans. We love ‘em. :)
#matpat egos#matpat egos x reader#markiplier egos#markiplier egos x reader#hybrid reader#winged reader#puppy mark#catboy mack#iswm mack x reader#iswm mark x reader#mark x reader x mack
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Don't let go
*Pairing: Mammon x Gn!reader
*Warnings: non, Just fluff:)
A/N: Hi, I'm ludicix, a 17 year on Caribbean writer who would like to begin posting their writing. I am open to constructive criticism as long as your respectful. I'm aware my writing isn't amazing but that isn't and open door for you to walk through and be mean. With that being said i hope you enjoy:)
This is the exact same reason Lucifer doesn’t want us to sleep together. We both know it's time to get out of bed but both lack the will to. This is one of the only times we get to be intimate without the interruption of someone else so both mammon and I try to make it last as long as possible.
He isn’t much bigger than I am but his body heat consumes me every time we cuddle. He is almost on top of me with his arms holding us together keeping space to a minimum. His face nestled into my neck while the blankets binds my comfy prison.
“We.Are.Fuck” I mumbled against his hair wrapping my arms around his neck trying to ignore the situation. All he does is release a hum in response and tighten his arms around my torso. Clearly not caring about the repercussions of our late morning, more so evening, snuggles. He is such a baby when we sleep together. There is no such thing as personal space when we sleep together. He craves gentle touches and being babied so being the 2nd oldest and the victim of constant bullying such things don’t come as often if ever.
“Mammon baby we gotta get up,” I say trying to wiggle free. The only thing that's keeping us from starting the day is each other so we need to split. The strength of a god is harnessed by him as he locks his arms not wanting to let the fuck go. We are about to get the scolding of our lives well I am at least.
“Stop,” he says plainly
“Mammon we are late for school! I missed most of my classes, missed breakfast and Lucifer is going to crucify us”
“There you go with the godly stuff” he mumbles while rubbing his eyes. He finally lets go. It's kind of scary to feel how cold the room actually is compared to how warm Mammon was all night, but I'm not complaining at all.
“So what’s the plan,” He says through a yawn sitting up.
“What do you mean plan?”
“You know the plan to face Lucifer,” Oh,-- right—that
This isn’t the first time this happened and that's both a good thing and a bad thing. A good thing cus we know what to expect but a bad thing cus we know to expect worse than what was done before.
“Last time we were banned from each other’s rooms for 3 weeks, don’t think I could make it through that kind of torture again. This is the only time we get to have alone,” He frustratedly and dramatically plops back down on his pillow. As he just laid there I was captured by how incredibly stunning he looked first thing in the morning. To anyone else, they would say he looked like a mess but, my god right now, to me, he looks worthy of worship. His white silk soft hair is a mess and has gotten a little long with the strands at the back of his head touching his shoulder. His dark-toned skin reflected the warm lights of his room and his lack of clothes only added to how delicious he looked. His deep blue eyes that only look at me with nothing but love seem too brilliant for someone who just got up. To imagine I have all this to myself is like a blessing beyond comprehension.
“Well, you know what they say if you eat the poison might as well lick the plate” I rest my head on his chest and get back under his duvets forgetting why I wanted to leave in the first place. His instant reaction was to hold me and now it seems like we are back at stage one. “Are you sure my love, I know you really care about yur school stuff, I wouldn’t wanna-”
“Shut up you’re too sexy to be talking that nonsense” With that we both relax back into each other’s embrace. His warmth cocoons me and carries me back into a peaceful sleep.
***
“Well this is what you both have been up to all morning”
Before I can react I am tugged under someone as if they were trying to shield me. To open my eyes to see mammon as expected but at the foot of the bed is the reason why he was in such distress, Lucifer.
“Care to explain-”
“It was my fault Lucifer I was the reason we stayed up so late and missed breakfast and school-”
With all the strength I can muster I slap mammon upside the head while pushing myself to get up“I’m not a baby I can accept the responsibilities of my own actions.”
“So you can now,” Lucifer says with he sinister grin. Well, I guess I die young. It was a nice ride I guess.
“Luci listen it was a mistake that we don’t make often ok I swear it won’t happen again mammon and I will get the notes we missed and start our work pronto and we’ll cook dinner just please have merc-”
“Wow slow down,” He raises his arms out in front of him.
“You're not in trouble relax you don’t have to cook dinner and you don’t have to do work ‘pronto’” He says mocking my human lingo. I look at mammon who is already looking at me with the exact same look. What.The.Fuck
Lucifer, noticing our confusion, clarified “You both know today is Sunday, right?”
Another A/N: didn't really like this one but we all start somewhere. Hope you enjoyed it.
much luv
Ludicix
#obey me#fluff#flufftober2022#om x reader#obey me x y/n#obey me mc#mammon x reader#mammon x y/n#mammon x you#obey me shall we date#obey me headcanons#obey me fluff#the great mammon#mammon fluff#obey me x gender neutral reader
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Never fear @celestiall0tus this flightless avian with a gun is here to aid you with your cause. I'm still doing my little what-ifs on the side, but fuck I need a little break from it, and what better way to get the brain juices flowing than rare gems of ships and kwami pairings. I already threw out Marinette & Juleka being a cute couple, but another one that I don't really see a lot of, but could work is Adrien & Rose (I also just realized I switched two couples around lol). Those are the only ones I'll submit for now cause I want to focus on the kwami pairings (I don't usually focus too much on love but I do like the power). I'll only do the characters you listed cause I don't know who else is planning to appear. The first one I said was Juleka & Nooroo because I would like to think he would help her come out of her "cocoon" and help her become a more confident person. I also said that Marinette & Luz would be a good pairing due to the simple fact that she hates liars and Luz is the concept of Honesty, and it's a pairing I'm surprised you haven't used yet. I have to shout out @bakawitch for this pairing being Rose & Psyche cause I can see it (also ignore that I mixed up her power and Fluffs), but yeah with Rose's helpful nature and the fact that with this power she would better know how to help them without overwhelming them plus I want to see her chuck a spear at someone lol. Okay hear me out on this one, I think Adrien & Corbin (only if Emilie is dead) would be a phenomenal pairing. Think of all the times Adrien in the show was a sad little bean a lot if you haven't noticed hell even in the movie he was an all-sad boy, so let's give him sad boy powers (bonus if Gabriel gets Daizzi for how neglectful he is of Adrien). Now for the double trouble, Zoe and Chloe this one was a doozy. Originally I was gonna say Zoe & Trixx due to her being a "social chameleon", but we already have ourselves a "maestro" already, so I thought a little more on it and thought "Huh has Zoe & Kaalki been paired before?" and sure enough they haven't. This pairing could be Zoe's longing to be free from control from her family (honestly don't blame her) and I feel like she & Kaalki would get along. Now onto Regina George herself, this one wasn't hard at all… Mill. Chloe with the Ant is almost poetic her having the power to make people into mindless puppets for her to boss around it was too good to pass on I also wanted to see some love for Mill. Okay I lied, I have one more pairing cause every Regina George needs her Gretchen Wieners, so I propose Sabrina & Mullo this one was also a no-brainer. That's all I can provide my liege so good tidings as I crawl back into the abyss from whence i came from.
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Memoria, sketch pages 17-32
(Radiant Arc 10, 3.35)
Page 17
Mato- (cont.) longer still if you don’t count the Hunters only seeking me for my Nail Art. I could teach the two of you my Nail Art, if you would like it?
Luma- !
Mato- Then it’s settled! Come on through then, little-
Argent- I don’t trust you. I’m only accepting your offer because Luma is.
Mato- Luma! What a lovely name! What about you?
Argent- Argent. Remember it, fool.
-
Page 18
(Honey- Were we fools to dream?)
Argent- Cyclone Slash! This will be so useful…
Mato- They have already modified my technique… Argent reminds me of my brothers. They were natural Nailmasters. Not I. I have two brothers- Oro and Sheo. We have not spoken since long before the kingdom fell. Oro- we parted ways in bitter conflict.
There’s a lot left unspoken for, I cannot resent them, I cannot forget, I can only live. You are lucky to have your sibling, little Luma.
Don’t become like my siblings and I, unbound. Do not forget them. I won’t forget you.
-
Page 19
(Honey- Forget)
Argent- We can’t look back. Not for anyone. Not for anything.
Luma- …
Argent- This is our choice.
(Honey- Left behind… How many did we turn our backs to?)
-
Page 21
((Ch2.20))
Argent- That was close. You saved us, friend. If we’d both been broken… That would be it. We’d be done. Thank you for protecting me, Luma. I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you too.
We can come back from this though. We can find a hot spring to fix your shell, lifeblood cocoons to heal me back up. We can do this, Luma! I know it.
-
Page 22
Argent- We can make this! We’re together in this!
(Honey- Infection. Out in the Wastelands. Why?)
Argent- Luma! I got enough! Here you go.
-
Page 23
Argent- Welcome back~ ! Ah! Hahaha! Let’s continue protecting each other. There is a future for us.
I had hoped these mines would lead to a kingdom but there’s nothing around. We came here for the lifeblood but where is the source? I need it but… This place gives me a bad feeling.
-
Page 24
Argent- Why would there be a mine in the middle of the Wastelands with no kingdom to supply? A kingdom couldn’t disappear, right? But White Palace disappeared… Whatever happened… If done on a larger scale-
Wow- Lumaflies, Luma! Think of how strong you could be with their light! And beyond… That’s the lifeblood I sensed. It’s so far away, but to feel so powerful…
-
Page 25
Argent- The power of a god. It must have been a god. These mines. That god. What happened to the kingdom here…?
(Honey- When a Higher Being dies what happens to their kingdom? When they are forgotten what happens to their creations? And when those who live under their light choose to claim as self, what can gods truly call to their graves?)
((Ch2.26))
Argent- It’s been so long since we’ve seen so many Lumaflies all in one place. It’s amazing.
-
Page 26
Argent- You named yourself after a beautiful moment, Luma.
-
Page 27
(Morpho Helena)
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Page 28
Morléna- Child of memoria. My kingdom has faded with me. There is nothing here for you but memories. Remember and take with you our legacy.
We are long gone. We wish not to remain forgotten. Take us to my grave and set our memory free.
-
Page 29
Morléna- May we live on in lifeblood and ascension. The kingdom of Morléna, we and us.
-
Page 30
Argent- The god died. She left behind her kingdom but it couldn’t survive without her. They believed in her with their whole hearts.
Without her the kingdom faded. It turned to memory, to light. It was… forgotten. She was Morléna, named after her kingdom. If we remember, will it all…
It won’t come back.
-
Page 31
Argent- … It won’t come back but- / I want to remember them. …
Luma- ! (Tip Tap)(Splish Splash)
Argent- Luma… …
You’re right… The Hollow Knight… Hallownest… Our siblings left in the dark…
-
Page 32
Argent- We have to remember them.
This is what happened to White Palace.
The King tried to hide Hallownest from the Infection, like Morléna in memoria. Hiding in a memory- a dream.
But it didn’t work. Nobody believed. Not enough. He could only take the one place that he could truly call his own.
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not really a memory but I got into the band through your stories!!! I don't remember how I stumbled across them or your writing but I started reading only knowing a few songs without knowing much about the members and it went from there. I loved all your stories and I'd always look forward to your updates. I loved the way you wrote the boys and it was so cool how you would include the whole band. I love your fics where there's multiple characters and stories going on at the same time 🩷
Holy shit bro that's incredible? (For me anyway omg)
Honestly aw thats so !!!! I'm a wee bit speechless like that's just so fcking cool I can't believe my shitty little fanfics are what got you big into the band that's sick.
Anyway idc if it's not a memory you're the first person to send something and that's v cool of you!!!
I think the way I got into them was hearing Van on the radio talking to Jo Wiley?? I didn't know any of their music and him doing an acoustic of cocoon on that show was the first time I heard them I think? But I just remember he was talking about his gf being the love of his life and he seemed like such a pure soul and a canny lad that that made me want to like the band. And then their video for cocoon was on MTV a lot? And then he was on never mind the buzzcocks and I was just sold on then haha.
I used to dance around the living room to cocoon back when I was v v unwell with my ED and anxiety, always after college I'd be hungover and feeling rotten from being drunk all day in college (I was a bad student) and like, it just being such a relief and so freeing and joyous to close the curtains, turn the volume on the TV up and go a bit nuts jumping around like a kid for the 3 minutes it was on.
Shot at the Night by the Killers and a song by the vaccines were always on at the same time and it's such a happy memory of just like, it was just me having a nice time by myself and not having to be worried about anything for half an hour.
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TᕼE GᗩᗰE
Dana Ward x Female Reader
Summary: just realized how much i strayed away from the actual request. sorry. reader gets broken up with the night before the game.
Warnings: None?
Springtime, AKA the best time of the year. Not too hot, not too cold. The days are long and the evenings are short. The trees are in full bloom and the birds are chirping. Though everything may seem just fine and dandy, if I'm being real, my life's falling apart.
That's a bit dramatic, but spring's left me feeling pretty down. There's something about spring (as much as I love it) that makes me feel... empty. I've been restless, can't concentrate. Oh yeah, and to top it all off, just when I think everything is going smoothly my boyfriend breaks up with me, and now I have my coach up my ass for not showing up to training because I'm too busy trying to get over it.
It'd been on autopilot ever since we met, I don't think either of us ever had feelings for each other, we were just comfortable. There was never any effort put into the relationship, just two beings as a label. Now I think about it, it was inevitable. Our personalities just didn't mesh well. It's like trying to put a puzzle together with the pieces missing.
It's not that I'm happy without him, I feel like shit. I feel incomplete. Like something's missing. There's a springtime metaphor in there somewhere, but I can't quite put my finger on it.
Several knocks on my door and the slam of its opening grabs my attention, Taylor stood at the doorframe, "You need to get a grip." She exhales with her hands irritatedly placed on her hips, noticing my tired state, cocooned in numerous blankets.
"Huh?"
"I said you need to get a grip, look at yourself." She bleats, pointing to the mirror facing my bed.
I glance at the mirror and see the tired reflection of someone who doesn't quite know what they want. There's a sadness that hangs around my eyes, like a storm cloud that's ready to unleash its fury.
Taylor walks over and sits on the edge of the bed, "I know you're hurting, but you have your priorities, and personally I don't see how important that douche could be.
I scoff, "I don't want to talk, Taylor. Let me sleep." I roll onto my face, letting my pillow almost suffocate me.
"Fine, but I'm coming back in a few hours to check on you, and by then you better be in kit. It" She stands up and walks out, leaving me to my thoughts.
I groan into my pillow, the mere thought of having to leave my room makes my head hurt. I can't even bring myself to leave my bed, let alone get dressed.
Eventually, I give in and crawl out of bed, tucking the blanket around me like a cape. I make my way over to my closet and begin to paw through its contents. It's a struggle to put together anything that remotely resembles clothing, but after a while of rummaging, I find a tank top and pair of running shorts.
I'm hesitant to leave my room, I don't want Taylor to see how terrible I look never mind the rest of Blackwell, but sooner or later I make my way out of the dormitories. The campus is already bustling with students, the odd few stop what they were doing to look over in my direction. I'm sure Zachary made it his first mission to tell his little football bros about our row.
I spend my day walking around Arcadia rather than showing up to today's lessons. I'm simply too exhausted to care. I find myself at Arcadia's lighthouse, sitting on the bench facing the west sea, not really thinking or paying attention to anything.
Eventually, my stomach grumbles and I realize that I haven't eaten anything since yesterday. I'm so tempted to go back to my dorm and curl up in a ball on my bed, but I steel myself and head towards the nearest place that serves half-decent food.
The diner wasn't too busy, the regulars sat at their usual seats, strangers stopping by for a quick brunch and the odd few Blackwell cheerleaders making use of their free period. The familiar smell of coffee and grease filling the air somewhat comforting.
I take a seat at the counter, waiting for a waitress to serve me. I feel a vibration from my pocket, I pull out my phone, seeing a message off of Taylor.
Taylor: u better be off your ass by 2. your coming to the game even if i have to drag you by your hair
I humorously scoff at the message from the blonde, rolling my eyes. I know she's just trying to make me feel better, but really I just want to crawl under a rock and die.
Y/n: you're*
I type back with a cheeky grin on my face. I'd completely forgotten about the game tonight, mainly because everybody's talking about the bigfoot's game, Logan this, Zachary that. Blackwell's internal misogyny always irked me, this year the female soccer team was given a fifth of what the boys' football team was funded. I doubt the team will barely have an audience to play for.
Taylor: nice to see YOU'RE keeping up with your english classes
Soon enough, Joyce leans across the counter, "Long time no see, Y/n." She smiles, dragging my attention away from my phone.
"Hey, Joyce." I smile, returning the gesture.
"What can I get you?" Joyce asks, pen and paper in hand.
I scan my eyes over the menu one last time before responding, "Belgium waffle and a coffee please, Joyce."
She scribbles her blue pen on the small notepad in her hand, "Coming right up.", before wandering off to serve another customer.
I lean back on the stool I'm sitting on, exhaling deeply as I do so. I bring my arms behind my head to let them stretch while turning my head to the left. To my surprise, I'm met with another pair of eyes gazing back at me. Girl from Blackwell, I know that for sure, she's in the dormitories. Danielle? Daisy? Dana. That's it. We've not spoken much, not that I can remember.
I remember the two of us are still staring at each other, I maintain it, thinking it'd be awkward if I just suddenly stopped looking back at her. Though as soon as the thought passes, she breaks the gaze, turning back to the chatter she'd been included in with her cheer friends. I can't help but feel a bit disappointed, maybe I was expecting something more from her? God knows.
I shake it off and focus my attention on Joyce placing my coffee on the counter in front of me. I pick it up, taking a sip before setting it back down, muttering a small "thank you".
"So, Y/n. Heard there's a game tonight." Joyce smiles, crossing her arms.
I sigh, "Yeah, go bigfoots." Unenthusiastically pumping a fist into the air.
"No, silly. Your game. My daughter, Chloe, had mentioned something about it." The waitress unintentionally reminded me.
"Oh, right." I smile, raising my eyebrows.
"Anyway, good luck for tonight, your food shouldn't be long." She winks, once again wandering off behind the counter.
I huff and let my shoulders deflate, taking a sip of coffee from the white mug placed in front of me. I place the mug to my lips, letting the bitter liquid run into my mouth. The sharp taste putting any worries or fears to sleep. I'm in caffeine heaven until a voice beside me speaks up.
"What're you doing here?" The soft voice speaks, making me slightly choke on the liquid in my mouth.
I clear my throat, "Uh, I got hungry." I respond, the sentence coming out more like a question rather than an answer. I shift my shoulders so I could face the girl I'd been looking at previously.
"All on your lonesome?" Dana's head tilts slightly, a playful smile set on her face.
I don't bother answering the question, as it seems pretty obvious. "What're you doing here?" I respond, crossing my arms.
"Same thing as you, I guess." She shrugs, her smile fading a little. She pulls out the seat next to me and takes a seat. We sit in silence for a few moments before Dana speaks up again"You okay?" She asks, her voice gentle.
I nod, "Yeah, of course." I lie, though the truth is I'm anything but.
She sighs, "We've not spoken much have we? How come?"
I chuckle at her silly question, "Don't ask me that." She hums in return, a hand coming up to her ear to play with an earring hooked into her earlobe.
"You seem down, why?"
"You ask a lot of questions, don't you." I think out loud accidentally, "Sorry, that sounded rude."
Dana shrugs, a smile still remaining on her face after my (kind of) harsh words. I let my eyes wander over her soft features as I take another sip of coffee, her brown hair mindlessly twirled between slender fingers. I can't help but feel a warmth in my chest, one I'm not used to.
"So..." She drags, breaking the silence I'd created, "How about your game tonight?"
"Yeah, I don't know. Doubt I'll be there." I'm quite taken aback by the question, who would've thought Blackwell's cheerleaders, the Bigfoot's number 1's, would've acknowledged mine?
She playfully punches my shoulder, "Hey, you're the captain, you've gotta be there."
I sigh, not wanting to expand on the subject, "Are you cheering tonight?" I ask, knowing the answer but still attempting to sound interested.
"Yep, the crowd's gonna be wild tonight." She cheers, but her smile soon fades when she notices the sad glint in my eyes. I'm happy that people are excited about the guys' game, but the mind works in funny ways, and all of a sudden I hate that people are excited. It's the same over and over again, little boys getting thrashed by another team and then getting upset over it later on. If any of the other teams got half the attention, they'd actually give people something to be excited about without the lingering feeling of inevitable disappointment of what was to come.
"Here you go, Y/n." The familiar voice calls and a plate is pushed in front of me.
"Thank you, Joyce." I smile.
Dana places a hand on my shoulder, "I'll see you later, Y/n." She grins before returning to her fellow cheerleaders.
Once I'm finished with my food, I pay Joyce and make my leave. Though I feel a set of eyes on me as I walk out of the small diner. I ignore it, blaming it on my conscience. I'm too lost in my own thoughts and feelings.
I sit on the edge of my bed for a while once I'm back in my room, contemplating what to do. I don't want to go to the game tonight, but I also don't want to be alone. I sigh, slipping off my clothes and climbing into bed. I pull the blankets up to my chest, wishing I could disappear. I know it's childish, but I can't help it.
Taylor made sure I was alive, as per usual. She came and gave a pep talk, totally uncalled for.
Finally giving in, I slip on my red shorts and shirt, making sure my captain's band sat just how I liked it on my left arm. I carry my boots outside of the dormitories along with my shin-pads and everything else necessary in a bag resting on my back.
I step outside, breathing in the fresh air, letting it soak out any worries, and hoping it lends me some sort of superstitious good luck.
With the newfound peace given by the fresh air, I take a seat on a bench, rolling down my socks, and slipping on my shin-pads, fastening the straps when I feel a tap on my shoulder, a very familiar, aggressive, irritating tap (more of a prod). "Took you long enough," Taylor scoffs, ", come on, Y/n/n."
I playfully glare at her, but get up, silently following her as she strides down Blackwell's concrete. We make our way to the pitch, the silence oddly loud. Once we finally arrive on the ground, much to my expectation, a row is barely filled up on the stands.
I greet the girls, and I'm met with many "Where've you been?" and "Back from the dead!", which I can't say I wasn't expecting and dreading.
I notice the stands start to fill up more and more as I begin to warm up the girls, it caught me by surprise a bit but I don't take any notice of it.
I'm called over by the referee along with the opposition's captain, we sort out the centre-kick before we're both sent back to our coaches.
"Right girls, I couldn't care less whether we win or lose, but try to win... okay?" Our coach attempts a speech but fails miserably.
"Really inspirational, Coach!" Taylor laughs whilst running to her position on the right wing.
The environment quietens down while we wait for the ref's whistle, and then the game starts.
The ball is passed back to me and all of a sudden I'm in reality. Two coming in from the right and one from the left, I drag the ball to the left then through the three as a whole through to another mid-fielder. The game goes on and we're 2-1 up within 42 minutes. By now the stands are almost filled and I notice a few familiar red figures running to the sidelines.
I make use of the time the ref is spending on making an offside decision to look at the figures. Noticing the girl, Dana, I'd been speaking to earlier on in the diner. Her and her cheerleaders' routine awfully similar to that of the routine for the Bigfoot's.
It's a massive confidence boost when she shoots me a wave and a smile, and if I saw correctly... a wink?
Only 2 minutes before halftime, you could tell our team was trying to get a last-minute goal. Taylor runs the line with the ball, a player right on her back. Another player, Rachel, takes the ball off of her, continuing the route the blonde had begun.
Rachel crosses the ball over to me, giving her time to run into the 18-yard box, I give the ball back to her, seeing no players had marked her, but instead of shooting she passes it right in front of me. I sprint to the ball, sliding on the ground in hope to get there before any of the opposition, the ball jumping right over the goalkeeper.
Cheers roar from the crowd, and as much I'm loving it, I'm not exactly enjoying the two players fallen over on top of me. I manage to roll out of the trap, and I'm immediately met with Taylor smiling at my side, "Though you got rusty for a moment." She jokes, patting me on the back.
Halftime finally comes around, Coach congratulates us all and the girls have a couple of minutes to chat amongst themselves.
The next half flies by, it was as if every single trouble that weighed my shoulders down had been lifted. It felt good to be doing the one thing I love to do. The score ended up a 5-2 win. And the team and I were ecstatic, the crowd's reaction only adding to the mix and increasing every level of happiness.
I find myself separated from the rest of the team, celebrating our win in my own way, and yes, that may be on my own in the changing room, but at least I'm celebrating. I told Taylor and Rachel I'd meet them later, but I'm not too sure how long 'later' will be.
"Hey, you played amazing."
My ears prick up at the familiar voice, Dana in her red cheerleading uniform stalking around the corner, "Thank you."
"How was the Bigfoots' game?" I question, slightly curious as to how she managed to cheer for both teams at the same time.
"I'm not too sure..." She smirks, "I wasn't there."
I sigh, placing my bottle of water to the side of me, "Dana," I smile, ", thank you so much."
The girl furrows her eyebrows, "What do you mean?" She asks, knowing exactly why I was thanking her.
"You know," I roll my eyes, ", you were meant to be cheering the guys tonight, yet you cheer for us and you bring the crowd with you. It was just what the girls needed, I don't know how I could possibly thank you."
"Um, no problem," Dana blushes, ", though, there is one way you could thank me, on behalf of the whole squad."
"What's that?" I tilt my head, wondering what she has in mind.
She takes a step closer to me, her eyes locking with mine, "Kiss me."
My eyes widen, and I'm momentarily lost for words. All I can do is stare at her, my mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water. She takes this opportunity to lean in closer, her lips pressing against mine. My initial shock quickly turns into something else, something much more intense. I wrap my arms around her, pulling her closer, not wanting to let go.
When the two of us separate, none of us speaks, we simply just stare for what feels like hours.
Dana chuckles, "I've been wanting to do that for a while.", her hand softly resting on my upper arm.
My cheeks heat up at the statement, and all of a sudden I'm unable to form words, "Wow." I say, causing the girl to giggle.
"Come on, let's go."
Back to that whole metaphor about spring or whatever, yeah, I don't think there ever was one. I think I was just trying to blame my self-pity on something. Life had dealt me a pretty crappy hand, but it wasn't the end of the world. And as long as I had the opportunity for new beginnings, Dana, for example, that was all that really mattered.
#life is strange#life is strange x reader#life is strange before the storm#dana ward x reader#dana ward#taylor christensen#rachel amber#joyce price#chloe price#zachary riggins
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@sailor-muno's request for the current event for Finral and her oc Mallory. She requested the use of B7 in a romantic sense.
Summary: Finral thinks of Mallory, of his love for her and the future he hopes to share with her.
Genre: romance
Word count: ~900
..........
All was right in the world. Or at least all was right in Finral’s world.
It was a beautiful spring day with a bright blue sky and a refreshing breeze in the air. He sat outside a quaint cafe and across the table from him was Mallory, his angel of a girlfriend. She had a cup of tea pressed to her lips in a dainty manner. When she set the cup back down on the saucer and smiled at Finral.
“I think the tea this season has been the best it’s been,” Mallory remarked with a fond sigh. “Maybe it has to do with knowing that we’ve averted the end of the world!” Her laugh was like a wind chime, or perhaps a silver bell.
“I think it does,” replied Finral.
With a tilt of her head, Mallory’s grin grew until her teeth showed from between her lips. There she was. So cute and easy-going.
Despite knowing her for several years. Despite having dated for months at that point. Despite already seeing so many sides of her. His heart still fluttered like a butterfly, fresh from a cocoon and eager to try its new wings, all for her.
It was a love that was brand new each day.
“We still have to go back to work though. Lots of rebuilding to do.” Mallory tapped the side of her up with a finger as her gaze lifted to the distant sky.
“Yeah. It won’t be fun but it’s necessary. Especially having to basically train our vice captain on how to do his own job…” Finral shouldn’t have frowned, not while he should’ve been enjoying his date. Stupid deadbeat vice cap—
“Bwahahahaa!” Mallory threw her head back and her hair wavered in the air like dancing flames. “Nacht looked ready to burn the paperwork, didn’t he!”
Finral snorted at Mallory’s accurate assessment. Just like that, Mallory had turned Finral’s mood right around.
That feeling—or perhaps a whole host of loving emotions—which Mallory inspired in Finral’s heart compelled him to stare at gems and rings for hours on end until he had found the perfect one for her. The barely there weight in his pocket felt like the world on Finral’s shoulders.
Finral wanted to believe he was ready. He hoped that Mallory might feel ready too.
“You know Mallory,” Finral started as he set down his tea cup. “On the topic of the future…” He wanted to take breaths to steady himself but he also didn’t want Mallory to notice and think something was up. Stop worrying, stop it! Mal loves you, what’re you even scared of? “What do you imagine for the future?”
“The future?” Mallory blinked a couple times. With pouted lips, she picked up her cup. “Let’s see… Definitely wanna continue working in the Magic Knights… Though I’ll have to retire eventually…” She took sips of tea between her words. “And, well, I’d like to travel a little… Since Spade is opening up to Clover… There’s Diamond too…”
Finral’s hand, and his tea cup, started to shake. He wasn’t getting discouraged, no. It felt awkward to hear Mallory talk of the future and make no mention of their future, that was all.
“Good. It’s good that you’re, uh, thinking…” Finral’s voice trailed off but he quickly caught himself. “You know, I’ve been thinking too.”
Finral reached across the table to hold Mallory’s free hand. Their fingers intertwined as if on instinct. Their eyes locked. With Finral’s other hand, he slowly reached for the ring box.
“I’ve never thought much of what I wanted beyond being a Magic Knight but you’ve changed that,” Finral stated without so much as a wobble in his voice. “Thanks to you, I’ve begun to picture more for myself. Like standing alongside Yami and Nacht as leaders of the squad. I don’t want to return to House Vaude—”Finral shook his head, thinking back on how foolishly desperate he’d been before“—but instead, I want to start a house, a home, of my own…”
Mallory’s face had colored up to a rosy pink. So beautiful. As always. Her smile was so warm and Finral could get lost in the boundless sky and fathomless sea of her eyes.
Say it. “Most of all for my future, I want to marry you,” Finral told himself while holding the ring box in a vice grip, ready to pull it out of his pocket. Just like that.
Deep breath.
“Good thing we’ve got plenty of time, huh?” Mallory asked as she gave Finral’s hand a squeeze. “And we’ve got each other too! Nothing to worry about with that in mind.”
He realized that she was right. There was time. And they didn’t have to be married to be together.
“Uh… Yeah…” Finral uttered emptily as his thoughts of proposing faded. He let go of the box.
He had summoned all his courage to say it, but the attempt ended in failure. Awkwardly, he averted his eyes.
“What’s with that face? Did I say something weird?” Mallory asked and leaned forward.
“No no! Not weird!” Finral waved his free hand in the air. He felt a blush rising. “Just really cute!" No lie there at least. "You’re always doing that, ya’ know! Being super adorable at unexpected times! Ah ha ha ha…”
Mallory eyed him suspiciously before grinning, pleased.
“I’m glad I haven’t lost my charm with you, Finny.”
“You? Stop charming me? Never!”
Finral and Mallory’s laughter rose in the air.
Whatever the future held didn’t matter, Finral realized. As long as the now with Mallory was well, he knew he could make it.
#black clover#black clover fanfic#finral roulacase#black clover oc#mallory demiscura#finmal#bel's oc#the bel of the ball#bringing in the new year#a moment in time#uh oh i accidentally went off on this one.../lh#i think it's because this is my first time seriously writing for the pair so i just wanted to get a lot out there...
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The Chikamori Legacy (Excerpt)
Chapter One (cont.)
Snapping back to the present day, Haruo came awake as he heard the alarm go off, uttering a pungent oath that could curdle milk. He did not like mornings at all, especially not after the last day he had. Taking a deep breath he gathered himself up from out of his blankets and yawned deeply as he realized that the time was almost five in the morning. If he was going to make his new property work for him, he would end up having to get up early and work hard to make his property viable. The property was large enough that if he picked the right crops to plant, he could make a decent amount of a living from the sale of the crops. I need a shower. Haruo thought to himself as he pulled his legs towards him, shifted to get up and placed both feet on the floor. It was an annoyance, what he’d gone through yesterday and he was still annoyed to a certain extent. But as his father had promised him, the double-wide was his refuge that he had sole occupancy of. After all, Haruo had purchased it with his own money and he didn’t want other people living in there at all really.
Then getting dressed he made his way to the kitchen where he made his morning breakfast of orange pancakes. It was one of the morning staples that invigorated him; the aroma of oranges and a little dash of orange zest permeating his little space of a double-wide. His first true home that he could call his own.
He took a long moment to gaze at his nearly empty living room. He was going to have a major problem when it came down to buying furniture. Or he could just scrounge it from the local dumpsters. Others were in a habit of throwing out perfectly good furniture when it no longer fit their aesthetic – so why not take advantage of the situation and snag some pieces at a good price. And it couldn’t get any better than free.
The Previous Evening
Yasunobu’s House; Downstairs Suite
“Maybe moving in with him isn’t the best idea.”
River sniffled and said sarcastically, “Understatement of the year! Mom.”
There was a knock at the door,
“Yasunobu…?” Fiona said.
“I hear my son not want you in his place…”
“Well, understandably, I sprung it on him suddenly without any consultation and well. I can see why he wouldn’t be too happy about it.”
“If, OK, you stay here.”
“Won’t that annoy your wife?”
Yasunobu grinned, “No concern. I control. She no can say anything more. My money my house; she make trouble, you tell me…I kick her out.” he gestured to take in his surroundings, “My decision. I call Haruo and tell him you stay here.”
Fiona was relieved. Mayumi was unable to kick them out since Yasunobu was thoroughly in charge of what went on in this house. And she didn’t have to administer an uncomfortable truce between her daughter and Yasunobu’s son. “Thank you, Yasunobu. That’s so kind of you.”
“OK, you no need pack, you stay here and I keep wife quiet.” He grinned.
River was looking quite relieved at the thought of not having to be around Haruo after the hard rejection of her admission. She wasn’t sure how to feel other than hurt and angry; not just at the rejection but the assumption that she would think that because of what he went through with his mother that he’d receive more of the same from her.
Just where does Haruo get off thinking that I’m going to be a bitch to him just like his mother did to him? I wouldn’t but the fact that he thinks that way…he’s been hurt terribly with no place to turn because his mother didn’t lay a finger on him - the cops wouldn’t do a fucking thing because well they wouldn’t believe that words didn’t cut to the bone; that psychological damage was just a virulent and probably more insidious if you had no proof of being battered. It’s all in your head; just get over it and man up.
River felt again like she was about to burst into tears, not for herself but for the man she still loved regardless of his rejection of her. He didn’t have anyone to turn to so he was going to cocoon himself in a blanket of solitude in order to evade the hurt and pain that he was going to have to face in order to deal with the years of mental abuse that had come down the turnpike from that bitch of a mother of his. He was going to have to deal with years of complex post-traumatic stress disorder with a counselor from years of dealing with Mayumi’s bullshit.
And the hard question in her mind was could she crack open that cocoon that he’d erected to protect himself.
The part of her heart that had been sorely wounded by his callous behavior told her to run away as fast as she could. Avoid ever having to deal with him ever again.
But the part of her who had spent so many years with him as a friend, said, you can’t leave him like this if you’ve ever considered him your friend because you’ll prove right everything he believes is true if you do. He believes that he’s not worth anything to anyone; and I have to prove to him that he is worth something to me.
She said to herself, I’ll give him a few days to get used to the fact that he’s on his own then I’ll go see what he’s doing. I’m not giving up on him. She resolved to herself as she looked out the window at the darkness.
But was she going to be able to withstand the veritable windstorm she was going to end up unleashing? All the years of pent-up frustration and anger held inside of him in a tight grip so that he would never let it get out of control. He needed to release all that to heal, River understood, but would she be able to withstand that fury if it was directed at her? He needed to gain closure, to heal from the multiple dripping emotional wounds that still covered him. To do that, he would have to face pain like he’d never felt before: the realization that his mother never loved him nor had she wanted the responsibility of raising a child to adulthood along with its accompanying bumps in the road of child-rearing.
River contemplated how Haruo would feel throughout the process. Uncovering the raw wound that ate at him. The simple fact was that Mayumi quite possibly used Haruo as a means to an end; to gain acceptance from her father; Haruo’s Grandpa who had been a hard man to please. After all, this was pre-WWI and WWII and post-WWII was coming to grips that they had to rebuild their future so there was no time for the Miyagawas to even contemplate having a moment to rest and think. The children were expected to perform in their academics at a high calibre or run the risk of not being able to cement a stable future. And that extended to the grandchildren too. And Haruo’s mother, Mayumi spent most of her time dumping all over her son; probably as a result of being dumped all over by Grandpa Miyagawa. That still didn’t excuse Mayumi for all the pain that she had inflicted on her son, River pondered. Her abuse was the main reason why Haruo reacted the way he did to any sort of stressful situation. He ended up cocooning himself to keep from being emotionally hurt again. That way, he could get through the everyday things that one needed to do to make a living. But it was avoidance of those painful memories that was preventing him from healing, that made his life so raw whenever stressful things were brought up.
But if he wouldn’t go to therapy…this was going to be the crux where she would have to decide if she had to leave him. He needed help; his anger was a cry for help and River was going to insist that he get therapy to deal with the things his mother had done to him.
A tear spilled out from her filling eyes, otherwise...we don’t have a future together.
#sims 3#sims 3 gameplay#ts3#river mcirish#sims 3 storytelling#river and haruo#sims 3 legacy#haruo chikamori#The Chikamori Legacy#the sims 3#sims 3 screenshots#sims 3 family#sims 3 pictures#sims 3 simmer#sims 3 story
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Lyrics for ‘Three Weeks No Songs’
Whirlpool
When I was a kid it was cumulonimbus
Now it’s mammatus
Before the storm comes
Still haven’t been to the Rio Grande
Still haven’t bought a home
Still can’t last at a 9 to 5
Cause I like to make my own good time
Don’t you like to make your own good time
When I was a girl it was whirlpools
Now it’s waterfalls
Before the storm comes
Still haven’t crossed the states by train
Still haven’t made my bed
Still can’t name all trees I see
But I like to try and reach for it
Won’t you try and reach for it
In this time alive, what could we be
If we decide to share a mind
Would you come home to me
I’m sorry, I feel you
When life gets rough and you’re confused
What you say, what you do,
A whirlpool
Spit
You put your hands on your hips
In the last sliver of the moon
Your goodbye’s shit
I can almost taste your spit
I wouldn’t mind if you came to my castle
Building it brick by brick
Beneath a giant yellow sickle
On a charcoal cliff
I can almost taste your spit
I wouldn’t mind if you tried all my tunes
My kingdom for you
Tracking patterns while she waxes
Hope you’ll be here soon
I can almost taste your spit
I wouldn’t mind if you talked to me nice
You put the glass to your lips
Basking in a grown cocoon
My potions give you lift
When I mix them with your spit
Sun Shadow
We get lost
in a dry creek bed and fall into it
All that sauce
And you make like the river, it seems
Not in heat
Though on the next day
You trickle in and say
Babe I’m free,
Want to get where the water’s deep
Hide inside chagrin
I don’t love it
Wade and pull me in
Won’t have it
Don’t wanna catch it, too
Sun shadow
Sun shadow
Sun shadow or something
May allow, an hallow, our soul and un-being
Hide inside chagrin
I don’t love it
Wade and pull me in
Won’t have it
Don’t wanna catch it, too
Sun shadow
Sun shadow
Sun shadow or something
May’s real tan soul
Sun shadow or something
Sun shadow
Sun shadow or something
An hallow, sun shadow
Sun shadow or something
We get lost
in a dry creek bed and fall into it
All that sauce
And you make like the river, it seems
Not in heat
Though on the next day
You trickle in and say
Babe I’m free,
Want to get where the water’s deep
Sun shadow
Sun shadow
Sun shadow or something
May’s real tan soul
Sun shadow or something
Sun shadow or something
Sun shadow
Sun shadow or something
An hallow, sun shadow
Sun shadow or something
Limes
There is love out there for us
In dry grass and high fences
In hot cement and hornets’ nests
And snakes who call home Texas
So we always lead with enough
In shy pours and pretenses
In soft suggests and compliments
And maybe I’ll see you thens
If I had luck to be yours
I’d bring you limes
Cold and sour
Kiss along the dotted line
There is love out there for us
In dry grass and high fences
In hot cement and hornets’ nests
And snakes who call home Texas
If I had luck to be yours
I’d bring you limes
Cold and sour
Kiss along the dotted line
Bearer
Made it up
World I love didn’t exist
And I really miss it now
Want to laugh
But I wish it’d lasted
I’m a sucker for things
That don’t mean a wink
Keychain
Groping
All of my weight
It moans open
Peace out
On ice
All of my pride
Your eyes broke it
Make a wish
Take a spin
To whittle away
At this mood you’re in
I’m lost and I
Can’t explain
The signs on your corners
The teeth in your grin
Fall much harder in the dark
How do you know my name
Without pouring out my heart
Why do I want to stay
I know that nothing is forever
But watch me
I will see if I can try
Don’t stop me
South First
Congress
Moving the mark
Making a big mess
Manchaca
MoPac
Throwing a fit
It doesn’t sound so bad
Fall much harder in the dark
How do you know my name
Without pouring out my heart
Why do I want to stay
I know that nothing is forever
But I’ll make it that way
Hate to be the bearer of bad news
Choose to lose
Leaps
I take leaps and bounds to love you
Maybe this wasn’t love at all
I’m all done and gone
Maybe this wasn’t love at all
Just a little bit
Just a little bit
Just a little bit wrong
It takes one to know one they say
Thought your voice was as clear as day
I’m open to being broken
Just hoped you’d be around for the fall
Just a little bit
Just a little bit
Just a little bit wrong
So resign my singing
New beginnings will have to wait
Just a little bit
Just a little bit
Just a little bit
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SUGAR RUSH RIDE — ft KANG TAEHYUN
"sorry, but we’re done."
those words, if there’s something that the black haired girl with that porcelain complexion hated the most were those few words. there wasn’t any particular reason behind these. for her, a breakup was an end of a relationship like any other. everyone goes through a breakup, every human being experienced that kind of end but what she had never really considered was that an ending could be painful — to the point she wasn’t even able to smile or to feel happy. this sudden end had left a quite big bitterness in her life that she has known so sweet. 8 months had passed since, sora seemed to digest a little bit better the departure of the one she used to love so much, trying as much as she could to fill the emptiness he left behind him, sometimes her memories resurfaced even if it seems far away. she seemed lost in her mind, closing the last remaining box in this now empty room, letting out a long sigh before someone came to gently put his chin over her shoulder, his head then resting on it while looking at her, worried.
"are you okay?"
"taehyun, i’m more than okay."
taehyun was her lifelong friend, the best friend that anyone would ever want to have, the childhood friend with whom she shared 25 years of her life — basically, kang taehyun was her whole life. before her world fell apart. he frowned in a sad way, he wasn’t easy to fool and even if he was aware of it, he wanted her to talk to him. the young strawberry boy wanted her to free herself, to open up her entire heart to him instead of imprisoning herself unjustly. for the childhood friend, she had the right to suffer and to say it loud and clear. he suffered because she suffered.
"if you’re not ready, you can still stay to my place."
"it’s fine, i already get over it." she looked at him, grateful for his entire existence, resting lightly her head above his friend's for a few seconds.
every little intentions she gave to him made he feel foolish, so much that at every things she made toward him, he felt panic coming over his whole body. — even if they knew each others for years, his heart was still pounding uncontrollably. kang taehyun swallowed, taken by surprise before seizing the cardboard that his friend carried, moving towards the car quickly, as to avoid crossing the glance of the one who occupied his thoughts those past few years. from afar, no one would believe it if they were told that these two people were not dating. these two were like a perfect match, a pair that everyone envies.
—
few months ago right after sora's breakup, her lifelong friend took her under his wing as he always had. even if she ignored his calls or texts, he always found a way to get in touch with her, because he knew her like no one, he was able to find her wherever she might be hiding.
—
it was a rainy day, the rain seemed to be stronger than usual, as if nature was announcing bad news — and it was, something unexpected was coming. kang taehyun had been living alone for almost a year, having left his family cocoon, he had always been very independent. the young boy needed to leave because he was able to live without the financial support of his parents, just because he wanted to do what he wanted. he just come out of his shower, dressed in gray jogging pants and a white long-sleeved sweater, rubbing his wet black hair with a towel to extract the excess water that still remained on his hair fiber at the same time while taking a peek at his watch.
it was relatively late, midnight had just passed.
he was about to turn off the lights in order to go to his bed, perhaps loafing around on his phone in order to fall asleep on it, but plans were taking a completely different turn. really unexpected. kang taehyun arched one of his eyebrows, confused by this sudden visit he was obviously not expecting. stopping completely in whatever he was doing, he rested the towel around his neck, his attention then moving towards the front door. it was getting late and he would never have bothered to open the door, the young boy lived alone and couldn't put himself in danger, especially since the person didn't seem to insist on the doorbell either. but his heart was telling him something else, he had to open it. advancing confidently towards the only thing that separated him from the individual, then he took a deep breath before opening the door and what he discovered made his eyes widen, as if fear had been surrounded by worry. and it was, his eyebrows creased sadly, in his eyes we could read his confusion at the situation that had presented itself to him, in an improbable way.
taehyun’s arms came to embrace the person who was standing right in front of him, tightening her as strong as he could without hurting her. he was protective but gentle, he was feeling several emotions in a whole but worry was the emotion that showed the most on his face. he was clearly worried. finally deciding to release his embrace, he allowed a slight distance between them, his warm hands finding refuge on the cold and rosy cheeks of the young girl who looked at him with swollen red eyes. she had cried under the rain and had certainly decided to do it alone, hidden from everyone's eyes before coming here. closing the door behind them, taehyun came to gently grab her hand after lowering her hood, bringing her directly to his living room and setting her on the sofa, then rushing quickly into his bedroom to take some towels and clean clothes so that his bestfriend can change and avoid a bad flu. he was so worried and in the rush that he hadn't taken the time to ask her what had happened, he wanted to make sure that she didn't get sick. taehyun never really know how to handle such a situation. running almost in all directions, he was interrupted when the black haired girl called his name out, standing at the door of his room. she was sad and that made him even more sadder.
"taehyun."
the intonation of her voice was almost inaudible, as if she had broken it, like she was crying loudly to get it all out. stopping then, he looked at her questioningly with all the stuffs in his arms, at this very moment he could drop everything and just keep her into his arms.
"can i stay at your place for a few-"
"of course-"
but why? she cut him right away, knowing him too well that he would ask her the question he had to, but she just not wanted to make that specific question last for too long.
"yeonjun broke up with me."
"i love you."
those words means his unconditional love toward her — those words means the same for her toward him, but things didn’t go together at the right time. he always made sure to tell her how much he loved her, not knowing that those word means everything to her. especially from him.
he got her into his arms once again, the tips of his fingers caressing along the back of sora who was certainly crying in silence, her arms finally coming to adopt taehyun’s waist firmly who was trying to comfort her as best he could. as he had always done. taehyun was such a nice, gentle and warm human being, thank to him she could feel loved.
—
taehyun and sora used to go out a lot together since that day, the young boy wanted her to feel less lonely even if he knew it was something he couldn’t really help, he tried hard for the one he loves the most. above his intelligence and beauty, kang taehyun was such a gentle and caring person, he may seems cold and distant but with his everything it was different — it was like opening a fairy book. if there was a way to describe the pretty boy, well, no one could believe it. he was the kind to look at her talking for hours without blinking, a big smile on his face, his big doe eyes sparkling every time she laugh. he was also the kind to interact a lot back with her, being excited because he felt comfortable by her side, because she always listened to him attentively and never interrupted him. he was entirely him when he spend time with her, almost all his time, he was like the happiest person when is world mixed with sora’s — when the world belongs only to them.
moon was working in a clothing store, she did it out of spite because she wanted to earn money at first in order to support herself and not face financial difficulties, something she maintained very well despite the fact that she hated her job with her whole heart. completely exhausted, she was working more with her mind than her body, the thing is, her health was certainly not going to follow her mental. dressed in her working clothes with her badge brocaded to her black top, she tried to smile to the customers in order to be the most welcoming possible but too much was too much. a deep sigh was coming out of between her lips, it was getting difficult because besides the fact that she hated her job, her breakup hadn't really helped her. it was way worse than she though. taehyun knew it and welcoming her every evening at home all tired, he couldn't stand it anymore. even if she moved into a new place alone, she always ended up to his place. at late afternoon he had made a quite dumb decision but from the bottom of his heart, he hoped that would make the same decision as him when he came to find her.
he was running as if his life was depending, certainly bumping into people along the way, not even paying attention to the negative remarks that would have been made to him for being so rude. the swarthy acted against his principles because he had suddenly finally made his mind clear — taehyun loves sora too much to let her suffer all alone. but what he wasn’t aware is that she has never been alone, he was there all along.
after twenty minutes of running, he finally reach the store where she was currently working. he could see her through the large bay window, a smile on her lips but a tired look, trying her best to be a nice worker to her customers. crossing the automatic entrance door, he was heading straight for her, who seemed surprised to see him when she wasn't expecting him. her brown eyes widening slightly, she looked at him questioningly but he grabbed her by the wrist, in such a gentle but sure way. surprise was the word, but he was just as surprised as she was. what he was going to do was against his principles, but was she going to follow him and she too, go against hers?
"do you want to run away with me?"
"kang taehyun."
when she said his last name followed by his first name, his heart was beating even more faster than due to the fact that he was out of breath from running so fast earlier. he frowned slightly, afraid that the answer would be negative, even more when she addressed him in this way, in a formal way. he had the impression that the silence lasted an eternity when it had only lasted half a second before she picked up her badge to put it in her pocket and ended up slipping her small hand into his. moon sora, the one for who he was willing to risk his life for was now the one who risk hers for him. it is was a good idea? he wasn’t sure but he know he just wanted to run away with her, holding firmly her hand. she finally ask him, curious.
"where are we going then? far away?"
"to neverland."
"then let’s run away, only the two of us."
taehyun's lip corners could have reached for the sky if that was possible. those words made his heart pounding so hard, the feelings at that moment comfort him in a such a good way that he couldn’t stop smiling. she agreed without even thinking to future repercussions. he squeezed her hand tighter, the two running out of the store, as if it was the two of them against the world, as if they could finally turn their back to the world that was suffocating them. — they were free to choose their own path.
while running together, hand in hand, they certainly hadn't realized the many kilometers they had already traveled as they gently left the crowded city, it was like they were in their own bubble from where no one had access to. they went where no one could have go, where they rested all the weight on their shoulders to be able to breathe and feel free. where they were only the two, far from everyone. but suddenly a familiar figure accompanied by another slowed them down in their little crime, stopping them right when they realized who it was, it was none other than choi yeonjun, in the company of his new girlfriend huh yunjin. it was awkward, all the more heavy because the relationship had ended in a brief way and without any real explanation on the part of the choi who, seemed to have quickly moved on. but it was clear for sora, he had already moved on during their relationship.
"it’s been a long time, sora." he looked happy to see her again after so long, his voice being soft towards the one he left months ago. "how have you been?"
how could he? leaving her as if their love meant nothing to him, not even take the time to explain her anything, why he couldn’t stay with her anymore but has the audacity to ask her if she’s been alright? taehyun looked at yeonjun then at his new girlfriend before to stand up for his friend, intertwining his fingers with sora’s cold ones while stepping slightly in front of her. he knew she doesn’t want to talking back to yeonjun because she just wanted to erase him from her memories. she was grateful but she just can’t, she wanted him gone from her life forever.
"she’s doing well." kang taehyun stand up for her, confident. "from what i can see, you too." but the tone in his voice was cold with a bit of anger.
at the view of sora’s hand into taehyun’s, the little happy smile yeonjun has on his lips suddenly disappear, shrugging his shoulders in frustration, ignoring his girlfriend who seemed to be looking for his intention trying to grab his hand that he had slipped into his pocket — yeonjun was in the wrong but it was too late. he wasn’t happy as he used to be with sora. his eyes were turning red, trying to swallow his pride as best as he could by smiling a little anyway.
"i’m sorry." he truly was, he was even more sorry than the day of their break up. he was deeply sorry toward her. "i am really sorry."
"if you are, then don’t ever meet each other again." sora had finally decided to address these few words to him, she wanted to put an end to this relationship which had never had a definite end. "don’t act like that in front of your girlfriend. thanks to taehyun, i’m really happy."
and that’s how yeonjun and sora’s love relationship ended.
—
they leave the couple there, pursuing the walked to the hill where a beautiful view of seoul awaited them, both having remained silent during the walk. "thanks to taehyun, i’m really happy." — those words looped in the head of the handsome and brave taehyun who thought he had heard wrong. she troubled his feelings even more and he felt like he was going crazy, he was biting his lower lip wondering if he could be able to find an answer to his own question but she was the only one holding that answer. sora suddenly pulling him out of his thoughts while pulling him towards her while looking at him straight into his pretty doe eyes.
he was so pretty.
she was taken aback.
"i’m not sure about what you were thinking but i wanted to thank you, taehyun." suddenly? she was just bad with words but she was always thankful for taehyun. "you may think i’m crazy but i was serious when i said that i’m happy because of you."
"and i’m the most happiest with you, BECAUSE of you." insisting on his words. he smiled softly, his cold hand caressing gently the cold rosy cheek of the girl he loves. "so if you’re crazy, then i am too."
crazy for her. he laugh in such a soft way that the heart of the girl melt instantly. she was so fond of him, she must have always been, but never realized it. there was always this chemistry between them that no one could describe, not even them. — it was as written, it was fate. it was kang taehyun and moon sora. night was falling and thousands of little lights appeared in this dark painting, forming like little stars, like little grains of sugar. it was so pretty that both of their eyes were sparkling, spending days together was such a blessing to them. both discussed about everything and nothing, going from laughing to crying, then finally the seriousness took over.
"if i’m being honest with you, i fall in love with you since the first day i meet you." taehyun suddenly cut the conversation, decided to confess his feelings for her. "i always made sure to hide them even though it was hard for me to see you with someone else."
she looked at him, without saying anything. she wasn’t expecting him to confess anything to her because he had finally decided to go on dates, something that made her feel weird palpitations. jealousy? maybe. she wasn't ready to see taehyun with someone. someone else... than her? she could see his hands shaking, that he had mustered up his courage to tell her something he might never have said openly. he sigh while smiling because he wanted to tell her how much he loves her.
"i was happy for you and yeonjun, of course. but my heart ached." he confessed how vulnerable he was at that time. "i rooted for your choices because i wanted you happy but i wasn’t sure about my own happiness. i know it’s absurd but maybe i wasn’t that happy that you were happy with him. and i hated it even more when i saw how fast he lost his interest in you while i could die for you." his voice cracked, as if he blamed himself for being like that. "the worst was when you were sad, i never saw you like that once. do you know how much i hated yeonjun? i know i shouldn’t but i hated that the person i love the most-"
"i don’t want you to hate him." she leaned lightly to catch his intention, holding his shaking hands. "but i know how hard it is for you to confess to me and i do think i know how you used to feel."
he was pretty sure that she was going to reject him so he was holding his breath, biting his lips but his eyes widened when sora approached his face to his, a few millimeters separating them.
"i love you."
"it’s fine, i knew- what?" he though that he misheard her, both of his hand now holding sora’s face. "can you… repeat what you just said?"
"i love you, kang taehyun."
at that right moment, he knew what she means. it wasn’t an ‘i appreciate you’ or and ‘i like you’, it was the meaning he waited for years, it was the true word love. he smiled in such a stupid way but that was enough to make the black haired girl smile, which made her dimples appear. he couldn't believe it, his heart was pounding and he really thought he had misinterpreted her words. he then questioned her with his gaze in order to have permission from sora who nodded positively while sliding her arms around taehyun's waist who, without waiting a second longer, came to place his pinky lips against those of his loved one. he couldn't stop stopping kissing her but he wanted to be sure it wasn’t just a dream. then resting his forehead against sora's, he opened his eyes to face her once again, the tips of his lips brushing those of the girl.
"i’m a bit late, sorry." she looked at him, all sorry, worried that he may be exhausted for waiting her so long.
"you’re worth the wait." he reassured her then. "i love you. i really love you. i love you, moon sora."
he had dreamed of telling her how much he loved her and he was finally able to do it because she finally realise that she fall in love with him. no one loves her as much as him, no one loves moon sora as much as kang taehyun. — they were made for each other.
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Cat!Zishu AU
Thank you all for being such lovely readers. I really appreciate all the interaction and your nice replies and tags really do make my day! I am writing after a pretty long period of writer's block and things still feel really clunky and slow. I was trying to go for 🥺🥺🥺 so I hope you feel the 🥺🥺🥺
Also, I have no idea what Wen Kexing's profession is! It will become relevant in like two or three parts so let me know what you think fits Inspired by @rhymesswith's wonderful beauty and the cat AU
Part 1 Part 2
Part 3:
When Zishu first gets to Wen Kexing’s apartment, he’s sure that the man has another cat. Wen Kexing gingerly deposits him on a cat bed and tucks him into a blanket, ‘get cozy A-Xu, I’ll just call the vet real quick.’ It’s a little excessive since the apartment is already warm and it isn’t a particularly cold day. Zishu twists around in his little cocoon to get comfortable. Wen Kexing makes an excited little noise in his throat before taking a few pictures of him. Zishu doesn’t have enough fight left to even hiss. So he lets Wen Kexing have his way.
In fact, it’s another three days before Zishu is awake enough to finally realize that there is no other cat. Suddenly, he is filled with suspicion as he eyes the three storey cat tower, the cat bed, the mechanical mouse toy, the small soft spongy balls that Zishu likes to chew on and the scratch board(s).
This man, this man has kidnapped him!
Zishu’s fight or flight instinct kicks in and he frantically scouts the house looking for possible exits.
‘Ah! A-Xu, you’re so energetic today.’ Wen Kexing says, standing in the centre of his living room and watching Zishu dart around, ‘do you want to play?’ Wen Kexing sits on the floor and picks up the little mouse and winds it up. The little metal mouse trudges along slowly and Zishu is so insulted, that he jumps to grab the mouse in his mouth and unceremoniously flings it across the room.
Wen Kexing laughs in delight, ‘A-Xu you’re so good at catch! Next time if you bring it to me, I’ll give you a treat, see?’ Wen Kexing dangles the little treats packets, it’s the good one, the one with the creamy salmon filling. Wen Kexing winds the mouse up again and lets it go. Zishu runs after it, catching it in his mouth. He’s about to throw the mouse at the wall again when he hears the crinkling of the treats packet, sharp and enticing. Wen Kexing is holding it up with a smile and is gesturing with his free hand, ‘come here, A-Xu. Come to me.’
Zishu sighs, begrudgingly won over by food. It was his weakness as a human as well. He wonders if Wen Kexing will give him sake if he performs some trick or other. Zishu brings the mouse to Wen Kexing and drop it at his feet. Wen Kexing makes an exaggerated happy noise and obnoxiously says, ‘A-Xu is such a good boy! A-Xu is the best boy!’ He holds the treat out and Zishu takes it from between his fingers, quickly dodging the head pat that follows.
Zishu takes his treat underneath the dining table where he can eat it peacefully without Wen Kexing taking a video of him. The rewards system started with his meds. Wen Kexing, convinced that Zishu would resist his medication, started bribing him with treats. This was of course unnecessary as Zishu is very enthusiastic about not dying and wants treatment.
But he won’t refuse rewards, necessary or not.
Overjoyed by the success of his little conditioning experiment, Wen Kexing now uses this system for other things such as commands and tricks. Zishu knows how to negotiate with men in power and sometimes when you are a very small cat in a very large man’s house, you need to make compromises. Whenever he’s hungry Zishu indulges him.
At the end of his ten day antibiotics course Zishu is feeling completely back to normal, ready to return to his dumpster. He looks at his soft fluffy bed with some hesitation before he plants himself in front of the door and with everything he has starts meowing, loudly.
‘A-Xu what’s wrong?’ Wen Kexing calls from where he’s cooking in the kitchen. Without pause, Zishu keeps meowing. He hears the tap turn on and off and Wen Kexing is rushing to him, wiping his hands on his apron, ‘A-Xu what is it?’
Zishu looks at the door and howls louder. Wen Kexing follows the movement of Zishu’s little head and his face falls, ‘you want to go outside.’ Zishu keep howling the sound grating as though emerging straight from the depths of hell. He keeps rubbing his little body against the door and looks pointedly up at Wen Kexing, ‘you want to go back?’ Zishu turns his volume down but still keeps meowing, goes to Wen Kexing and rubs his body against his leg, ignoring the look of hurt that crosses his face.
‘A-Xu, what if you get attacked again? Isn’t it safer here?’ Zishu ignores him and keeps meowing. Wen Kexing sighs, ‘you can’t understand me, can you? I wish I could let you know how much safer it is here, how I will take care of you,’ Wen Kexing crouches down until he can pet Zishu, all the way from his head to his back. Zishu arches into the touch, most of the time he can’t actually help it.
It just feels nice.
But then Wen Kexing stands up, takes off his apron, ‘let me turn the stove off and I’ll take you back.’ Wen Kexing says as he’s already walking towards the kitchen. After puttering around there for a minute Wen Kexing goes to his room and brings Zishu’s carrier out. Overjoyed, Zishu meows happily, rubs his face against Wen Kexing’s legs a couple more times before walking towards the open mouth of the carrier.
He stops.
Inside, neatly folded, is his sweater, the one he was wearing the day he turned into a cat. On top of the sweater is his work ID. When Wen Kexing brought him to his apartment Zishu had assumed that his things would likely be lost. He had hoped to find them again around the dumpster alley somewhere but it looked exactly like the rest of the garbage in the alley, so he expected it to be taken away as well.
When he had just been turned, Zishu was afraid of forgetting he was human. He was afraid of forgetting who he was, of forgetting everything he did and losing his chance to atone for his sins in the afterlife. In a surprisingly emotional decision, Zishu had dragged around with him this sweater and ID card, as a reminder, just in case. Before Wen Kexing took him he used to sleep on top of his things, in an attempt to keep them safe and close to him.
The sweater inside the carrier is spotless, almost unrecognizably so. The rip near the neck is mended with yarn that’s in the same shade of blue as the rest of the sweater. His ID has also been cleaned, his human face and alias ‘Zhou Xu’ sparkling, as though mocking him.
Zishu turns to look at Wen Kexing. Guessing what he was thinking Wen Kexing says, ‘I mended your sweater for you, A-Xu.’ He is smiling but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes, ‘you’re still waiting for him, right? Your owner? I checked A-Xu, he is still missing. A-Xu I wish you could understand me then I would tell you that I am trying to help you look for him.’ Wen Kexing looks sad again so Zishu let’s him scratch behind his ears, ‘but I understand that you want to look for him in your own way. If I was a cat, that’s what I would do too.’
Zishu had always wondered why Wen Kexing called him A-Xu. He always assumed that it was A-Shoe as in, he reminded Wen Kexing of a shoe. Zishu knows he’s not a particularly beautiful cat, grumpy and mangy even on his best days. As such, he hadn’t inspected this line of thought very closely. But it’s clear now that Wen Kexing had seen his things and is calling him by the name of who he assumed was Zishu’s owner. Despite clear nefarious intentions of keeping Zishu in his home long term, Wen Kexing had kept his things safe.
Zishu sighs, Wen Kexing is the most annoying person he’s ever met. But he has also meticulously taken care of Zishu for ten days, cleaning his wounds, grinding pills into his food, brushing his hair and now he has gone and mended human Zishu’s clothes. And now he’s look at him with watery eyes, and a too bright smile that means he’s trying to be brave about it. If Wen Kexing could understand Zishu he’d tell him that if he wants a cat so badly he can just adopt one. There’s plenty of strays that are weak and helpless and would appreciate Wen Kexing’s devotion a lot more than Zishu does.
But Wen Kexing can’t understand him and Zishu was not an ungrateful person and he isn’t an ungrateful cat either. With a long suffering sigh, Zishu turns away from the carrier and goes to lie down in his cat bed.
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the study of relationships.
summary — college team's volleyball captain and your roommate-cum-best friend, hwang hyunjin argues with you over guys being better than girls in relationships to help you out of one. or in which hyunjin is in love with you for years now and he finally decides that maybe he doesn't want that best friend tag anymore.
pairing — hwang hyunjin x reader, ft. minho
genre — fluff, angst | volleyball!au, f2l!au, roommates!au
rating — nc-17
word count — 15k words
note — kinda excited to post this very long plotted fic on here because first long fic for skz !!! this fic is brought to you by hq, hyunjin's long blond hair and b me mv that we never got. please please do send me constructive criticism so that i can improve on my writing for this community. happy reading!
"Whoa, whoa, whoa."
Your best friend, Hwang Hyunjin yells at the top of his voice, pitch lower in precision as you open the door and slam it shut forcefully, the sound loud enough to bounce to him clearly. Your feet storm hard against the wooden flooring of your apartment, sound bouncing off from that again and Hyunjin pauses his video game to look at you.
It's a familiar sight. Hyunjin sighs.
"Hey," he tries catching your attention but he fails. You storm into your room, hair flailing behind you in your anger, eyes blurry with the angst you feel that wraps slowly around your heart. You walk into the room and slam the door shut, so loud that a chip of wood breaks from the top of the door and falls down.
"Jesus Christ! Y/N—" Hyunjin yells to no one in particular. However, he drops his controller to the side of the couch and jumps to his feet only after pausing his game. He takes big strides to your room and in high contrast to his rash movements, his knocking on your door is very gentle.
"Can I come in?" He asks, scratching the door absentmindedly. He presses his ear and head against the door to hear a response but all he hears are your soft cries and it makes him sad.
"Y/N—"
"Go away, Hyunjin!"
"Y/N, let me in," he stresses, his leg kicking the air slightly, dangling before that. "I—"
"You're going to make fun of me."
"Will not." Hyunjin knows where this stems from and he won't deny. However, at this minute, he just wants to be there for you. Teasing could wait for an hour or so after you've calmed down. "So please?"
You hum and Hyunjin waits for a sign of protest. When he hears none, he takes it as an approval to open the door and the sight before him hurts him ever so slightly.
You are wrapped in a cocoon of your white blanket and your head is buried in the sheets outside, not ready to look up at your best friend. He frowns as he walks towards you, letting himself to sit by your side. He stretches his arm out and stops when you declare,
"I'm a world class dumpee."
"You are," he shrugs, voice tainted with a slight tease and you look up at him, glaring with your red, puffy eyes. You try shoving him but the cocoon you are wrapped in slightly falls forward too in impact. Hyunjin laughs and stretches both his arms forward to prevent you from falling forwards.
You pout, mumbling with a voice that is strained and is your proof of the urge to cry, "You promised you wouldn't."
"I'm your best friend," he shrugs and pushes your body wrapped in the thick blankets backwards, your head hitting against the pillow. A soft whine leaves your lips, followed by an oomph. "You knew I was going to tease you at the very first opportunity."
And then Hyunjin pounces on you, tickling your sides over the covers and your tickle sensitive being rushes in sensation as you laugh your heart out, chest heavy and mind focussing only on your best friend that you forget about the boy who broke up with you an hour back.
"Stop," you laugh. "Hyunjin," you whine. "Stop, you idiot," you laugh again. "I'm going to kill you—"
Hyunjin's laughter fills the air along with yours. In your perspective through your watery eyes, you see a boy with no worries and all smiles and you want to be like that. You desperately want to be like that. You push your wrapped body upwards to shove Hyunjin to the side and it works. He laughs, slowly receding with yours and he lets out a loud relieved sigh as he looks at your face with less creases and tears that now fall due to laughter.
"Hey," Hyunjin says and you turn your head to face him. His face is rigid, the childish gleam that he had just a while back long gone.
"Yeah?"
He sits up, running a hand through his hair and folding his arms soon after. "The guy was a jerk," he tells, helping you up. His hand finds the end of the blanket and unwraps it slowly from your being. "He was a mighty jerk, okay?"
"He is your teammate, Lee Minho," you stare, dead into his eyes and he shrugs.
"I know," he sighs before shrugging, giving you a nonchalant look. "What was it this time? Let me guess, he broke up with you for no reason again."
You hit the blankets that cover your thigh hard and send imaginary daggers in Hyunjin's way, "Yeah! I just don't understand why he'd break up with me."
"Uh, possibly because—"
"Is it because I'm on like close friend terms with everyone in the college volleyball team? I mean, Lee Minho always said dating—"
"Dating you would be hard, Y/N," Hyunjin continues, mocking your ex-boyfriend's voice. "You hang out with so many guys and all your best friends are dudes that it makes me jealous," Hyunjin pauses, placing his hands flat on the bed from behind as he leans back. "Ah, Lee Minho, that bastard. He always did say that to you."
You look down, fidgeting with your fingers and you roar out in anger. Hyunjin looks at you amused until you say, "Why can't guys be more like girls?"
"Excuse me?"
Hyunjin's eyebrow is raised and he laughs mockingly. He lifts his arms from behind, stretches his back before sitting up straight. He kicks his legs and raises it upwards to sit cross legged, looking straight at you and laughs again. "You are totally kidding me, right?"
"No, I'm not, Hyunjin," your eyebrows furrow. "The reason behind most, if not all, break-ups is the guy."
Hyunjin agrees with you deep down. Okay, maybe not completely but at least a ninety percent and that's a good one. However, he knows how competitive you are and if there's something that can get your head out of this post break up blues, it's this.
A competition. And so just to entice you a little, he sneers, "If anything, girls should be more like guys."
"Bitch, no," you laugh, head falling back at the sheer stupidity that rolls out from your best friend's mouth. "Men are so conceited that they had to make a whole word for treating women equal."
"Not all men simp. Plus, it's an AAVE and that people should not use it. In my defense, I've treated you like a guy my whole life," he shrugs. Lies. Lies. Lies he spews out endlessly because at one point, without him even knowing, things did change and he's seen you as a woman; as a woman he now has feelings for.
Hyunjin, to prove his point, hits you on his back like you've seen him do with all his teammates and your torso bends forward from your hips on impact. "See!" He stretches his arms, tattoos on display in the loose half sleeved black top he wears and you wince, stretching your hand back to rub only for Hyunjin to stop laughing quickly and rub your back, mumbling, "Sorry."
"Hyunjin," you shrug, mumbling, trying to guide your best friend. "Don't ever use the not all men tag, please."
He slaps a hand over his mouth, realising his error, again apologising and you stretch your hand forward quickly to protest, "No, no," you tell, "You don't have to apologise. I just hope you know how it sounds."
"I do," he falls back, lying down against your mattress. "I do and I hate that I accidentally said it."
You follow suit, and fall on the bed, hair splaying around, some falling on Hyunjin's face. He groans, moving the hair away and whining, "It got into my mouth, ew." You laugh.
Hyunjin speaks out, staring at the ceiling, "Whose fault is it that a relationship goes astray?"
"Still going to say the men," you look at the same spot he stares at. "They're—"
"It's a war."
"See!" You exclaim. "This is the issue with men. They cut us off all the time."
Hyunjin laughs, hand stretching out to hold your wrist to soothe you down and mumbling another apology, he continues, "This is a battle, Y/N; a battle that's aged long and has never come to a conclusion. The battle—"
"Get to the point."
"Look who cut me off now."
"Touché."
"Anyhow," he continues. "The battle between men and women."
"You definitely sounded like a prepubescent boy there," you look at Hyunjin. His skin is so clear, you notice, making a mental note to steal his skin care products later. He turns a second later to face you and he nods, "Don't care. Definitely going to win this."
"You wish," you let out a condescending laugh. "I'm going to beat your ass, Hyunjin."
"Kinky," he smiles that stupid, toothy grin of his, "I likey."
"You gross pubescent boy," you shove at his arms only for him to quickly hold your hand, interlocking his fingers with yours in the midst of the squabble. You let him, still laughing lightly, lungs light and mind free from all the sad thoughts.
"I see that I've got an upgrade."
"You did."
You're about to thank Hyunjin for this small gesture that probably seems to be nothing when his phone rings from the other room. The scary unexpected track to Tokyo Ghoul's opening – Unravel – that you can't help but accept that you've grown to like, plays.
He lets go of your hand and jolts upwards, jumping off the bed. A small whine leaves your lips unexpectedly and Hyunjin smiles at that. He pulls up the blankets over your body that he shifted, mumbling, "You should sleep early. You had a tough day."
"No," you whine yet again, "Let's talk more—" His phone rings louder, the scream part of the ringtone jolting you up and your hand falls on your chest in shock. "Hate when your phone does."
"And yet you sing along to it," he sings, humming the tune.
"Pfft," you scoff, holding onto the blanket, scrunching it in your grip. "Go. It's probably about the practise match against Yonsei University."
He hums in agreement, folding the blanket again carefully, right below your neck, his cold hands brushing against your clavicle and the temperature difference runs a shiver down your spine.
Hyunjin switches off the light as he walks out, gently closing the door shut and you watch your best friend throwing a small smile at you before leaving. Did you really deserve all this care? Perhaps not.
Hyunjin, on the other hand, dashes out to get the phone before the caller cuts the call in frustration. He's definitely not spending the money to call back whoever it is. That shit is expensive. He jumps a couple of steps and grabs his phone, accepting the call before looking at the name of the caller.
"Hyunjin…" It's Lee Minho. "Can you come over?"
"I really want to throw a punch at you, you bastard."
And Hyunjin does. Virtually, of course. Over the game they are playing. He couldn't afford to injure a fellow teammate when the preliminaries are right around the corner.
"Bro," Minho sighs. "Can you go easy on me?"
His game character hits Minho's again, the energy bar of the other drastically going down on the screen. Hyunjin can't stop. The frustration that he has pent up over the last hour after seeing you cry and crumble over being dumped by his other friend drives him to the edge and he delivers another punch. Minho's character dramatically collapses as soon as the energy bar is empty and he drops the console by his side, pressing his back against the sofa, arms wrapped against his chest, pouting.
"I—"
"Go on," Hyunjin glares at him. "You better have a good explanation."
Minho runs a hand through his hair and sitting up straight, turning his torso to face Hyunjin, he tells, "I don't."
"You're lucky that we have a match soon, else you'd be six feet underground," Hyunjin sighs, throwing his hands over his head and folding it behind. "I can't believe you did that to Y/N."
"I fell out of love with her," Minho says. He doesn't dare to look at Hyunjin because he fears if the glares would actually result in him six feet underground. "Can't that be the only reason?"
Hyunjin chuckles, moreso at himself than at his friend, mumbling under his breath so low that Minho thinks it's just him humming, "Is it possible to fall out of love with her?"
He wishes Lee Minho could tell him how.
Hyunjin stands up, patting his denim jeans and looking at Minho, he warns, eyebrows furrowing, "I'll help her out with this. Just don't be a jerk and start dating in like two days."
"I—" Hyunjin glares at him. "Fine."
"Practice at seven," he adds and grabs the key of his motorcycle from the table before him. "Don't be late and act normal around Y/N."
"Fine, sir," Minho rolls his eyes. He won't admit it ever but the man warning him could be the reason for his breakup. That and his insecurity and fear of you cheating on him. But it's mostly Hwang Hyunjin. He knows how he feels even if you didn't.
Hyunjin walks out of Minho's house, closing the door on his way out and getting on his motorcycle, he rides back home to you. Just as he had promised you.
He opens the door to your room as soon as he enters his house, removing his shoes and placing it to the side, only to find his ears listening to the soft snores that let free from your lips. Carefully he walks towards you, his thumb and forefinger holding your chin lightly and tilting your head upwards to help you breathe properly.
He pauses for a minute just to watch you. Your eyebrows that you dislike so much just because according to you, it's not thick enough. He loves it however, even though you would never listen to him. Your eyelashes cast a gentle shadow on your high cheekbones and he gasps because you're so beautiful. You're so near to him and yet so far.
He bends forward, pushes your fringes to the side and places a soft kiss against your forehead, mumbling the words he wishes he could tell you straight up. Even if he did, you'd probably laugh and scoff at him.
"Beautiful girl," his lips graze the skin by your forehead, "You are a fighter. You have always been a fighter. You are stronger than you think. You are braver than you believe. Every challenge that life has thrown at you, you've conquered every obstacle that has been placed in front of you. You've overcome every single one of them. You are unstoppable and unbreakable and right now, you are filled with more faith than you have ever been."
Hyunjin pulls away, softly caressing the hair by the side of your face, "So please believe in yourself. You're worth so much love. So much of it, Y/N."
"The jerseys came!"
Bang Chan screams, a huge grin on his face as he opens the door for you. He runs to Felix and holds onto his shoulders before jumping up and down in joy. He is so delighted. "It looks so good, dude."
Hyunjin smiles, running towards you and helping you with the cardboard box. "It's alright," you mumble. "I'm the manager. It's my job."
"Pfft," he scoffs. "And I'm your best friend. It's my job." He picks the huge box that covers your entire upper half, easily and places it down before the coach and the team.
Jisung rushes to your side, nudging you with his elbow, "We've got a pretty good manager." He bends down and rips open the box, taking his jersey in his hand, "Number 13, bitches. Nothing shows what an amazing libero I am like the number most feared." You laugh.
"Number 10 isn't that bad, I guess." You hear Minho's voice break through the cluster of voices and your movements still. You turn your head to look at the brown haired boy who towers over you, wearing a smile so pretty that your heart still skips a beat.
"Hey, Y/N," he smiles. "Thanks for bringing this over."
"Uh," you fidget with your fingers, averting your gaze everywhere else besides at Minho. "I guess. It's my job, yeah."
Hyunjin notices. He always does. The boy runs towards you with his jersey. Number 1 printed in big behind. The setter brings the jersey so close to your face that it's buried in the fresh opened shirt. "Number 1, of course," he laughs, scrunching the shirt in his hand as he raises both his arms above.
"Oh, shut up, Jinnie," you laugh.
"Yeah, shut up, Jinnie," Jisung echoes. The middle blocker, though not the tallest in stature, is excellent at his position and has the biggest love-hate relationship with your best friend. He folds his arms and mocks Hyunjin.
Hyunjin places his right hand down on Jisung's head, ruffling his hair after pressing down on it. He scolds the older boy, "Don't call me Jinnie. Y/N's the only one who gets to call me that."
"Stop gathering around people," The captain claps his hands together to gather all of your attention. You quickly rush to his side and he smiles at you warmly, before looking at his team and glaring at each of them as they gather around him. "Yonsei University was kind enough to arrange a practice match with us thanks to—"
"Y/N," Jisung shouts, pivoting his arms by their sockets before lifting them both high above his head, cheering for you.
"Don't cut me off, Han," the coach shoots daggers at him, frowning visibly at the disobedience. "One more time and you're running around the gymnasium twenty times."
Jisung groans, only after winking at you. You chuckle under your breath, covering your face with the notepad in your hand. Hyunjin rolls his eyes, nudging Jisung to 'keep it in his pants' in the scariest voice ever. You could feel the dark clouds around Hyunjin, the aura darkening for a split minute before he breaks out into a huge smile as he looks at you.
The coach instructs out commands; strategies to help the team win against Yonsei. Moves that he's studied after watching their matches. You know this because you watched Hyunjin do the same at home. He does it at odd timings though.
You would wake up at three in the morning to grab a glass of water and you'd find your best friend squatting in front of the television as he watches every single one of Yonsei's matches. He wouldn't listen to you telling him to go to sleep because, "Being the captain is hard, Y/N. The whole team's banking on me to set the ball perfectly at the right time. I can't..."
And you understand. You understand the worries that go around in his head, the anxiety of being the best because he's no genius. He got to the top, made a name for him all thanks to his hard work and if he needs to keep it — he won't have it any other way — he swears to god that he would practise and study till he drops dead. Hwang Hyunjin loves volleyball that much.
So, you do what any friend would do.
You would make two cups of coffee, one for him and one for yourself. You sit next to him and watch the match with him. Your head lays back against the soft material of the sofa, just watching Hyunjin's eyes fixed on the screen, studying each movement of every player, gasping occasionally at how the setter of Yonsei's team leans his head back to decoy the opposite team only to dump the ball.
You don't remember much from that night because you fall asleep way too quick in the silence and in the presence of a focussed Hyunjin, your cup of coffee half empty. You don't remember anything from that night besides the fact that you woke up in your bed the next morning, or more like, Hyunjin waking you up the next morning because you overslept. Either ways, you were back in your bed and for that, you were grateful.
And as soon as the coach is done with the instructions, the team members scramble before splitting themselves into two groups, first to do serves and then perfect shots and finally, have a practice match.
You sit next to the coach, watching each and every member. That's what the previous manager told you to do. To observe. That's what the manager must do. To observe so well that you know each member well enough to know how their mind works, how their personalities are and who they truly want to be.
This is exactly why you can't seem to ever hate Lee Minho. Because you've seen him on the court, at his very best.
He's the best darn middle blocker you've ever seen. He doesn't tower that much over people with his height but when he jumps, lifting off his feet, he is as good as a wall cemented and strong before the opponent. He has only got better with every practice match and you realise that he wants to be better. And that's how he truly is. The constant urge to do better than the person he was before and perhaps, to Minho, you are someone he wants to leave behind in the past.
There's no one to blame here and you realise that it's a lot better if you accept the truth before it hurts you more than it should.
But then, in a second, Hyunjin takes your attention away whole heartedly. The boy arches his body so beautifully as he sets the ball for Jisung who slams the ball over the net with such force that leaves you gaping, notebook slamming your thigh. The coach stands up, his heels slamming the ground first before his toes do and he is as stunned as you are, eyes wide.
Funnily, Jisung's surprised too.
"We did it!" He says slowly, his words gradually making sense to him and when it does, he rushes to him, holding his shoulders and jumping ecstatically, "Hwang Hyunjin, we fucking did it!"
"When did you guys practice that?" The coach cuts the commotion short with his question. Hyunjin turns to face him along with Jisung, scratching the back of his head. Jisung is so overjoyed that he rushes to the coach, "Today morning! It sounded delusional but we pulled it off, coach."
You look at Hyunjin, who turns his attention back to you as soon as the coach is scrambling off to tell more instructions to Jisung on how he should time it a little bit earlier to hit it with even more impact. You smile, giving him a thumbs up and Hyunjin laughs, rubbing the back of his neck.
"Are you guys finally dating now that Minho's out of the picture?" Chan nudges Hyunjin. The man stumbles a step forward on impact only to quickly look at the older with eyes so wide that he wonders if it were possible.
"What?" He splutters the words out, voice haphazard after the cough.
"Everyone in the team thinks you guys should," Chan shrugs and Hyunjin's face morphs into that of seriousness almost instantly and shoots the other male with, "Did Minho hear of this?"
"Perhaps," Chan catches the ball Felix throws at him. The coach claps his hands to bring the attention back to him, barking out orders to resume the game. Chan pats Hyunjin's shoulders, "You know what we always tell, Hyunjin, in this sport—"
"Take the shot when you see the opportunity."
"Exactly."
"Or someone's going to block again," Chan sniggers and looks at Minho, who was trying his very best to avoid your gaze, "This time round, it could be someone better than our middle blocker."
You're picking up the volleyballs lying around when the guys go to shower and change, dribbling them slightly and smiling to yourself. A figure towers over you as they drop a ball into the huge bucket. You turn around to look up at Minho.
"Can we speak?"
"Do we have more to say?"
"I guess," he shrugs.
"We can still be friends, Minho," you sigh, eyes closed. "I also won't be those annoying types to tell Hyunjin to stay away from you because you broke up with me. You should know better."
"I didn't mean that," Minho looks offended. "I wanted to apologise. I should have tried harder perhaps."
"You should have."
"I know," Minho sucks in his lower lip. "I really should have but you know—"
"Lee Minho," your voice is firm. "I've told you a gazillion times that Hyunjin and I are just friends, Minho. Somehow you made up this sort of weird thing in your head so don't drag me into this mess. This is yours."
Minho scoffs, "You're going to eat your words soon," and picks up another ball. You remember the task you had forgotten in the heat of the moment, rushing to pick up a ball to put it back. The rest of the team is slowly making their way outside.
"I doubt," you sigh, throwing the last ball into the bucket and dusting your hands together. Jisung's darting towards you, hands in the air. Minho moves to the side, gliding against the floor, making way for the shorter man to reach you, bubbling with such enthusiasm you wonder what the cause of it is.
"Felix is treating us!"
Ah, so that's the reason. You smile at Jisung, nodding your approval. You push the bucket to the side of the gymnasium with Minho's help and switch the lights off as the team exits the gymnasium.
"Lee Minho!" You hear a feminine voice through the air, your eyebrows quirking upwards automatically. Hyunjin walks to your side, sighing as he shoves his hands into the pockets of his sports jacket, mumbling so softly that you barely catch it, "I warned that asshole, God damn him."
Minho's face lights up in a way you haven't seen in a while and your heart is heavy. The woman, Irene — you hear Chan shout her name and wave at her — locks her arm with Minho's and walks with him, the man doing nothing to push her away. It shouldn't affect you. Not anymore now that the two of you have broken up and yet it hurts.
Hyunjin quickly pulls you away, preventing your eyes from lingering further even a minute more. His hand holds yours and he drags you to his motorcycle. You look down, biting the insides of your cheeks, alternating between the right and left every time you taste the copper of the blood.
"Your hand is so small," Hyunjin says. "Like look at how it fits into mine," he laughs, lifting your hand upwards as he clasps it tightly. He mumbles, "So small."
You break into a smile, watching Hyunjin tease you, momentarily drifting from the thought that upsets you and it leaves you wondering how Hyunjin does it all the time. He lets go of your hand, ruffling your hair as he bends lightly, "You've got this."
He quickly turns on the heels of his feet, pulling out the keys to his bike and igniting it. You hear Jisung scream from behind, "I thought you were taking me with you!"
Hyunjin screams back, "Carpool with the rest. I'm taking Y/N."
He lifts his leg, straddling the bike as he holds onto the handles, kicking the support free. He turns towards you and tells you to hop on and you do as he says. Your fingers hold his jacket, making sure you're not hugging him from behind. Minho's words run in your head and Hyunjin notices this small gesture of yours but he pays no heed. After all, it's been a while since he realised that what he has with you is better when it's platonic. He is too afraid to lose you.
"Jinnie," you tell him as he starts the motorbike, accelerating behind Jin who leads the way. You hear your best friend scream, "Yeah," through the loud winds that hit you.
You lean forward and speak closer into his ears, your jaw hitting his helmet, "Remember how I said the guys are to be blamed in a relationship."
"Yeah," he hints at you to proceed.
"Here's my first point. Minho back there," you point out. "It was that easy for a guy to move on. That easy," you stress your word. "While I'm here repenting if there was any way to get things back to where it was. However, there's no use in me trying because there's Minho with Irene like our relationship was a thing in the past."
"That doesn't mean he didn't care about you during the relationship. That's how guys are. They give it their everything when they're in the relationship," Hyunjin reasons and you laugh sardonically.
"You're kidding me, right? The girl definitely cares more. It almost seems so easy for the guys to break up and move on. Remember the time when you broke up with Lisa," you speak, raising your tone a little more so that Hyunjin can hear you. The motorcycle moving against the wind causes your hair to touch your mouth and you're spitting hair out facing the side. Hyunjin laughs, his grip on the accelerator tightening as he speeds up just a little bit, causing you to hold onto his jacket pockets a little tighter.
"Bro," Hyunjin mutters when you bring up Lisa. "I cried enough when she broke up with me, okay?"
"You did, for a day or two," you state. "The girl cried her heart out for a whole week. You went partying that Friday with Jisung!"
"Are we now using quantitative measurements to determine how deep our care and love is?" Hyunjin gasps, sounding very offended. "This reminds me why most relationships don't work. Because girls are shallow as fuck."
Hyunjin accelerates, missing sight of the speed breaker in front of him. It hurls you onto his chest, your arms wrapping around his waist to keep you safe. A soft scream leaves your lips as the side of your face buries into his broad back.
"Sorry," Hyunjin apologises quickly. "Didn't see that!" Hyunjin prays that you don't move your arms away but you do and he sighs, face falling. He is glad that you can't see him. Your hand is back to gripping his jacket and head back in this battle of words you're currently having with your best friend.
"It's okay," you tell him. "What's not okay is how you think women are shallow."
"They are!" He takes a turn to the left. Your thigh muscles tighten as it straddles the seat, fingers digging into his side for support. "I mean, let's be real, sweetheart. You take an hour or more to get ready for college."
"Because I want to look presentable!" You hit his broad back and he chuckles.
"Lies! You're shallow!"
"Says the person who walks around shirtless at home and stares at the mirror, lightly touching your abs and saying perfect," you tease and Hyunjin turns to look at you for a minute with his eyes wide before he turns his attention back on the road.
"You saw that?"
"Of course. I see that every day."
"But you're watching the television, how?"
"Reflections," you state.
He's gasping. The motorcycle slows down as it reaches Pizza Alvolo. The pizzeria is adjacent to a pretty park and you can hear the birds chirp lowly right before the sun is ready to set. You jump off the motorcycle, dusting the denims covering your thighs and Hyunjin removes his helmet, hooking it to the handle securely.
The rest of the team are seated in the pizzeria already waiting for the two of you, waving at you as soon as you enter the place. You rush and sit next to Jisung who has been aggravatingly patting the seat next to him. Hyunjin sits opposite to you, next to Chan. He snatches the menu from him and the elder male whines at the behaviour.
You look around and notice that Minho hasn't reached the place yet. Not that it mattered to you. You will slowly learn to stop caring so much for a man and you will soon be able to look at him and think of only the fond memories and nothing more.
Or so you thought.
The minute you see Minho walk into the pizzeria, although not with Irene, you feel the ground slip underneath you. Jisung is nice enough — albeit not knowing of the whole pickle you are in — to hold your wrist and turn your attention towards the stack of pizza boxes that come your way as he gleams, "Pizza! Pizza! Pizza!"
You look away from Minho and toward the direction Jisung points before turning to look at Hyunjin who lets out a loud sigh. You know that he's clutching at his thick thighs, nails digging into it at the sight of your uncomfortability. Hyunjin knows it will take you days to get over this break up, maybe weeks and that as a good best friend, he should wait. He should understand.
But it frustrates him so much. The sight of you being in pain, in hurt because of another man — his other best friend at that — pisses him off way more than he thought it should at first.
Hyunjin quickly takes his phone out and you narrow your eyes at him, mouthing, "Rude. Put it back into your pocket." In a second, your phone dings and you take yours out. Minho sits by Jisung's side in that second, a seat away from you and your heartbeat accelerates. You unlock your phone to see a message from Hyunjin and you lift up your head, raising an eyebrow at him and he eyes at you to open the message.
Jinnie: do you want to leave?
Your eyes widen and your lips part slightly. You don't respond immediately, locking the phone and shoving it back into your pocket. You smile at Hyunjin, trying to signal that you were alright so far. Jisung opens the cardboard boxes of the pizza and squeals. Chan looks at the situation, analysing if it'd be bad for the team on a bigger approach. Hyunjin might be the captain but had it not been for Chan's guidance, the volleyball team would not have lasted a day more with the differences.
Felix announces, "Eat to your heart's merry! I might never treat again." He takes the first bite for courtesy's sake before telling everyone to join in.
The team laughs and Minho smiles, the skin by his eyes wrinkling and your heart stops to remember all the reasons you were so madly in love with this man. It is at this minute you realise it'll take you maybe a little longer than you thought, a little longer than a casual fling and a little lesser than a long term relationship. You should have known this is bound to happen the minute you allowed yourself to let your petty emotions take over.
And maybe, just maybe, it is the fact that you have to pretend to be alright with having Minho around you that makes this heartbreak pain ten times worse.
Surprisingly, Hyunjin already seems to know because he doesn't stop glancing at you after every bite of the slice he has in his hand.
You stretch your arm out to take a slice of the pepperoni pizza on the table at the same time Minho stretches his arms out to take one. Your fingers brush against his and you jolt your hand backwards, mumbling, "Sorry."
Jisung laughs without knowing and teases, "Why would you apologise for brushing your boyfriend's hand?" He takes a bite of his pizza and as soon as he finishes chewing, he continues, "I mean, you guys do nastier stuff and suddenly, you all are prim and proper, Y/N. Love the contrast you exhibit. It's beautiful. You guys could be at it every time I catch you in the gymnasium alone. Also, you're his longest relationship. You should pride yourself—"
Jisung is speaking and you won't look up. Hyunjin has dropped the knife slightly just to try and get him to stop, though in vain and Minho's looking at you. His eyes won't leave your frame and you just want to leave. It is too early for you to be alright with this. Way too early.
"Stop, Jisung," Chan tells him, reading the situation in the room.
"Why?" Jisung's laughing. Felix understands by now, seeing your face hung down and so does the rest of the team besides the man himself. You can't even come to be angry at Jisung because he seems so innocent, unaware of it all.
You spill the beans for your own heart's safety, "Minho broke up with me."
Minho doesn't shift his eyes at anyone else and Hyunjin holds the knife again, a little too tight this time. Jisung's smile turns instantly into a frown and he turns his head to glare at your now ex-boyfriend.
He doesn't bother to filter his words. "Why the fuck did you do that, you arsehole?" Minho turns to look at Jisung for a split second before his eyes are back at yours. You lift your head to lock gaze with him and you feel your chest tighten, eyes water and it hurts.
Everything seems so much more painful.
Chan says once again, his voice firm, ready to not listen to one more word of the conversation, "Stop it, Jisung. Read the room."
You stretch your arm out to have another bite of the pizza and everyone eats in silence. The room is pregnant with the most awkward silence you had been in your whole life. You take your phone out, unlocking it and finally replying to the message.
Jisung puts another slice of pizza onto your plate and you smile at him. Felix tries breaking the uneasy tension by talking about this dude he met in his neighborhood that was kind of cute. After sitting for another two minutes, you push your chair back to Jisung's surprise and stand up. Hyunjin stands up instinctively, his calves pushing his chair back and everyone at the table looks at the two of you.
Jinnie: do you want to leave?
"I just realised I have to do some grocery shopping," you laugh nervously. "There's absolutely nothing back at home. Not that Hyunjin would buy anything and keep, right?"
Hyunjin chuckles and everyone in the room knows quite obviously that you are trying to escape the scene. They are kind enough to let you. Felix asks, spilling the oregano seasonings on top of his pizza slice, "Is Hyunjin going with you?"
"Ye—"
"No," you cut your best friend before he can give his approval. "I'll go alone." You stretch your arm out, palm facing upwards, "Keys, please?"
"Don't hurt my baby," Hyunjin's sincerity is voiced and you laugh genuinely. Little did you know he meant both you and his motorbike. He drops the key to his motorbike onto your hand and you do a little cheer. Jisung mumbles, "Cute," before stuffing his face with pizzas.
"Have a good time, guys," you wish them and grab your bag, hanging on the chair. Jisung waves enthusiastically. Felix, Chan and the rest of the team waves too. You smile fondly at your team and walk towards the door only to find Hyunjin following you.
"What do you think you are doing right now, mister?"
"Can't I walk you out at the very least, woman?" Hyunjin gapes in dismay. He pulls open the glass door and you laugh.
"Sure thing," you say and walk towards his motorbike. Hyunjin leaves the door after stepping out, the glass door swinging back to shut itself. You swing your legs over his bike, straddling the automobile and dropping your chest slightly to balance the heavy vehicle.
"You sure you'll be alright?"
"Don't you trust your teaching? You taught me how to ride this thing. Don't worry."
You look over Hyunjin's shoulder to see Minho still looking at you, worry smeared all over his face and you feel your throat constricting again as you do your best to tear your eyes away from him.
Hyunjin takes a step closer, making sure everything's alright with the vehicle so that it doesn't endanger you. He places his hand over your wrist and you look at him in confusion, "Promise me you'll take care of yourself."
"I will," you laugh. "What are you? My daddy?"
Hyunjin stiffens for a minute before he lets go of all the inappropriate thoughts that fill him for a minute there before teasing you, "Do you want me to be your daddy?"
"Nah," you throw your head back. "You aren't that rich enough." You place the helmet over your head and look at him. Hyunjin taps your helmet and hugs you slightly.
"I'll see you at home."
You start the bike on ignition and look over Hyunjin's shoulder one last time to look at Minho, locking gazes with him before you pull yours away from him towards Hyunjin.
You look ahead, the clear road in front of you and turn the accelerator only after telling Hyunjin, giggling slightly,
"Sure thing, Daddy."
Hyunjin, on the other hand, is too caught up in his worry, eyes lingering behind the trailing presence of yours that finally disappears from his sight into a speck that fades away. In any other circumstances, he would have found your petite figure driving the huge motorcycle and you even calling him daddy, although in a teasing tone, insanely hot.
Right now, however, he just hopes you are safe. He wishes he could be by your side at every second.
Gaho's Stay Here blasts on the bluetooth speaker. Hyunjin pulls open the door only to find you lying on the couch, staring at the ceiling with the most emotionless face he has ever seen you with. His eyes dart towards the empty bottles of soju on the small table in the hall.
"Y/N?"
You sit up, looking at your best friend and your lip pucker out quickly pouting at the sight of him and you stretch your arms out wide, squealing, "Hyunjinnie. You are home."
Hyunjin walks towards you, plopping on the couch and sitting next to you. He quickly lifts his arm up, hand darting back and forth at the air to steer the smell away as he frowns at you, "You reek of liquor, dude."
You quickly hug him, wrapping your arms around his frame from the side and snuggling your face into his shoulder. Hyunjin stiffens under your grip and he looks down at your being with eyes closed and he realises that you might after all just be a small being in need of some loving. He wishes to be the person to do that. Hwang Hyunjin utterly and truly wants to be your person.
Hyunjin takes your phone to stop playing the music — Stay Here that's been currently playing on repeat for the twentieth time straight — and you whine against his skin, tickles running down Hyunjin's spine.
"Don't stop the music," you mumble and Hyunjin looks at you and your figure that hugs him securely, head snuggled by his neck, chin digging into the skin by his collarbone and all Hyunjin can focus on is his heart that is beating furiously against his chest.
"Y/N," Hyunjin's voice seems like an anchor to your woozy mind and you hug him tighter, gripping stronger on to his white shirt. You hum in response and Hyunjin continues, "Gaho's music doesn't seem very fitting for the minute."
You pull apart, your face morphing and changing into that of offense as you glare at him, mumbling, "Gaho is the only one that understands me." You play the music again, the bluetooth speakers blasting with the sad slow tune in the air and you feel the want to cry all over again.
You stretch your arm out to take a soju bottle from the table to down it all out when Hyunjin stretches out to stop you, his fingers wrapping around your wrists. He locks his eyes with yours and in the softest, most caring voice you've ever heard from him, he says, "Don't, Y/N. It hurts me too."
"Can I hold you?"
In a split moment, the room is filled with just the soft beats of Gaho's Start Over playing, your raspy breaths and Hyunjin's lost stare. His grip on your wrist tightens and your mind is far too intoxicated to think if this friendship could be ruined. Your heart is heavy, chest tight and you want someone to free you. Anyone. You are clawing at the imaginary wall all by yourself and anyone could be a help. Anyone that is not Lee Minho.
"Yes," and you fall on Hyunjin at the exact same moment he pulls your hand closer towards him. The timing seems to have lapsed on to each other. Your chest on Hyunjin's, eyes looking up at him as your arms snake slowly over his torso. You snuggle forward, rubbing against his body slightly and Hyunjin sighs.
To Hyunjin, the scene is a lot dramatic just because of the soft music playing and because you are drunk off your head according to him, barely able to make decisions. He just doesn't want to do anything that will make either of your friendships but right now, in this minute with you almost on top of him, locking your eyes in his, your arms around his torso, close enough to feel every part of your being, he wants to be drunk too.
Hyunjin wants to be drunk so that he can make a mistake. Hyunjin wants to be so drunk that he can't think just because he is a coward.
"Do you feel better?" He asks and you snuggle into his chest, burying your face into it as you hold him. Your lonely heart being comforted by just his presence and in the back of your drunk head, you know you feel a little bit more that causes your heart to flutter when Hyunjin cares.
You and Hyunjin are both cowards — two small people in this big world with big emotions unwilling to risk one status for another, over the fear of losing each other.
But Hyunjin wants to risk it tonight. After years of pining, he wants to risk this golden friendship he has shared with you for years now. You are the trigger, however. You lift your face away from his chest and crawl slightly towards him, pushing yourself against him. You look at him, lips pressed together and you stretch your right arm upwards to hold his face in your hand.
"Jinnie," your voice lets out his name in such an airy tone that it seems to disappear away even before it reaches his ear. His eyes are glassy and his heart is in his throat, eager in nothing but anticipation that is risen from all his hoping.
It happens as he has imagined. You lean forward so slowly that he pictures every second vividly and in an instant, your lips are on his. Hyunjin knows it should have felt wrong but God, save him — nothing felt more right than this.
You kiss him and his whole world falls away. It lingers, like a memory that stays behind. Your lips are slow and soft against him, comforting yourself and him in ways that words would never be. Hyunjin's hand slowly lifts up to rest below your ear, his thumb caressing your cheek as your breath mingles only for a split second — one filled with hesitance and uncertainty — before you pull away, looking at your best friend.
It is just a second of a kiss. Something so small and insignificant to seemingly anyone else yet it means the whole world to Hyunjin. It is the whole world to Hyunjin because this is all that is needed to let him astray, hinge released of the stupid restrictions he has made up in his head over you.
Your small kiss is all Hyunjin needs to hold on to because in the next minute, he is pulling you towards him, hands cupping your face tightly and angling it to kiss you, encasing your lower lips in his as he moves against your coral ones. You let out a small gasp and run your fingers down his spine, holding him as close as possible until there is no space left between the two of you and you can feel the beating of his heart against your chest. Loud, clear and unknown to you that it beats for you in this minute.
Hyunjin's lips are slammed against yours, nearly knocking all wind from your lungs and you don't know if it is your feelings or Hyunjin himself. He presses his tongue to the seam of your lips and, the minute you let him in, he delves inside your mouth. Hyunjin kisses you like he thinks it is the last time he will ever be able to have his lips against yours.
Your arms move up his back and tangle around his thick, strong neck. In an instant, you pull away and arch up into his broad chest, moaning in the contact of body heat against your own, before you draw back into his lips. Hyunjin can feel the burn of hard soju in his mouth, thanks to you, and it rolls off your tongue into his, seeping down his throat and he can't hate it. There is a thrill in its own that Hyunjin knows stems from you.
If it was possible, Hyunjin would slow down time.
You pull back eventually only to hug him, humming against his neck, lips pressed against the soft expanse of his skin. Hyunjin's hand is pressed against your back as he pats you in a steady rhythm, instinctively humming to a tune that could calm you.
"Jinnie?"
"Yeah?"
"Thank you," and he feels your weight fall on to his shoulder as you snuggle closer into his neck, your warm breath fanning against him, sending shivers down his spine. "For everything."
Hyunjin holds you for a while, silence and nothing but your breathing that is soft music to his ears, till he hears your soft snores buzzing against his eardrums and he knows you have fallen asleep in his arms, against his chest.
The next morning, you find yourself magically in your bed, comforter on top of you covering every inch of you, head aching thanks to your reckless drinking last night with no memory of whatsoever that happened. Lightheaded you should have known better.
Hyunjin chooses to be a coward, the morning after.
The greens that cover the campus is the only other thing that keeps you sane in this university. The first being, the volleyball team. However, you don't know anymore if it is still, in the present.
You sit on the same bench before a beautiful fountain with a tiger head right in the centre, watching the vast basketball court. A place that holds way more memories to you now than it did a year before.
You shake your legs, feet pointing forward as you listen to music with about half an hour in your hand to waste before you head down towards the gymnasium to meet with the volleyball team. Besides few people that walk down towards their classes, the campus looks pretty stranded as you watch every single person stay happy in their sphere.
"Y/N," you hear your name being called out through yet another one of Gaho's songs and you lift your head up, to look at the person by your side, standing and providing you the shade they probably didn't intend to.
It's the man himself, the one who broke your heart for an explanation that made no sense to you. Lee Minho.
He stands tall, towering over you and your neck aches from looking up at him that you decide to stand up, removing the earbuds and placing it on the wooden bench, next to your phone.
"You're here." You gulp. "Aren't you supposed to be headed to the gym for practice?"
The fountain is everything you associate Minho with — moreover, it is perhaps the relationship with him that you associated the beautiful water fountain with. To see the very same man before you right now is needless to say surprising.
"I could ask you the same thing," Minho chuckles. He takes out a small cone of butterscotch ice cream and extends his arm, offering it to you. You smile softly, thanking him, sitting down back on the bench. "Can I sit here?" He asks and you nod, unwrapping the wrapping paper around the ice cream.
"Yeah," you tap on the seat by your side. You take a bite of your ice cream and Minho visibly flinches, mumbling, "Still the same."
"You broke up with me like two days back. What did you expect? A nirvana attained me?" You scoff. You take another bite of the ice cream, the sensitivity hitting your teeth and you hiss.
"Brutal," Minho chuckles darkly. You scoff, turning your head away and taking another bite of your ice cream. Minho opens his ice cream and you raise an eyebrow at him, mumbling, "You don't eat ice cream though."
"Thought you might want another one," he smiles and the thought of a second ice cream lights you up. "There you go smiling like a dork as always at the thought of it." Minho laughs and you bend forward to take it, your left arm stretching forward. Minho tugs it backwards and your body moves a little more to grab at it until it's too far for you, bringing you to your present position.
Your hand is on Minho's chest, his eyes locked in yours and you are surprised. This is not in your to do list and yet with Minho's grip on your wrist, you drop your ice cream as soon as he edges closer. His face is so close that you can see the perfect plump lips pout slightly, his face glistening in the bright sun and you gasp softly. It has been a while since he has been this close and he still makes your heart go livid within you, beating crazy.
He drops his ice cream in a second, his hands pressing forward to cup your face and pull you into him to kiss the living hell out of you. Your eyes widen, arms falling limp on either side as you stiffen.
"Can I try something?" He hesitates, iron grip on you.
"Try?" You look worried and the next minute, Minho is kissing you, his plump lips on yours for a while before he moves them against yours, taking hold of your lower lip.
It is an instinct. You choose to blame it rather on instincts. Your hand moves to grab the linen draping his arm as you hold it and kiss Minho back. It is as bitter as coffee thanks to all the memories that go along with it and yet — you find yourself drowning. You find yourself wanting more. You find yourself hoping if Minho could stay, if Minho could just pretend to love you, if not.
And it breaks your heart.
All over again.
A lone tear leaves your eyes and then another, till you are crying as you kiss him. A wet messy affair at its finest. Minho pulls back in surprise feeling the wetness against his skin. He cups your face and holds you, looking at you to check for damage — little does he know of the emotional one. Or maybe he does and he chooses to ignore. Typical Lee Minho.
"Did I hurt you?"
Your emotions take over, sanity pushed to the back. You are pulling yourself from Minho as he tries to hold you to calm you down. Your fist plummets down onto his hard chest once and then, for the second time till you are hitting him over and over again till you completely break down in front of him. Minho quickly pulls you into a hug, holding you close till you completely soak his white shirt with your tears.
"I hate you, I hate you, I hate you—" It's a repeated chant. Over and over again till you don't remember how many times you told Minho the same thing. Your mind goes insane with the overdrive of emotions. Did you like Minho still? You don't know. You don't know whether it's the familiarity of his hugs or his kisses or his whole presence that you crave or if it's his love.
"I'm sorry," he whispers and you accept because it's the first time an apology from Lee Minho sounded this sincere. "I'm sorry for breaking your heart." He snuggles into the crook of your neck, swallowed by guilt. Perhaps this is why one should never date their friends; because you lose something much greater.
"I hate you more now for kissing me here," you manage to say, throat rasp from the crying. "How could you stain this memory too? How dare you stain the memory of the location of our first kiss? It was supposed to be a bittersweet memory when I sit here and think." Minho is still hugging you.
"I'm sorry."
It is still bittersweet in a new way, you realise — the fact that Lee Minho kisses you for the last time, you swear to God, in the very same place he kissed you for the first time. The weather changed, the people around changed and the emotions changed. Even after all that, the fountain stays proud and mighty and bears witness to more new relationships and new heartbreaks. Nothing changes besides you. Nothing changes besides what we want.
You pull away from him. Sitting straight, facing the vast basketball court and the juniors playing the game, you make a decision, firm and determined. The soft pink petals fall down from the cherry blossom trees over the two of you and Minho looks at you, and then at the spilled ice cream. To see the boughs that were so bereft in the snow become so beautifully adorned should lift your spirits infinitely and it does slightly. Their scents diffuse in the warming breeze and you hold your head high to savour it.
"Let's stay away from each other for a while."
Minho's eyes shoot up, head lifting up to face you. He does not refute. After all, he knows he has to take a step behind after breaking your heart. What he does not understand is how the two of you could stay away from each other when your friend circles overlap to a large extent.
"How?" He finally asks. "How do I help you with that?"
"By doing just that. Give me space and time to get over you. I'll come back asking for your hand in friendship again," you smile. Your tear stained visage and the difficult smile you put forth is a funny combination but you manage to pull it off well, you'd say. "You don't have to take the first step this time. Let me do this on my own, Minho."
You stand up on your own, grabbing your earphones and your phone. Minho stands up, following suit and asks, "Are you leaving?"
"Yes," you turn only to look at him as you walk backwards. "And you have to head for practice. So get going. I won't have you mess up your performance by all means." You turn back and move ahead. From everything.
"You know I wouldn't," Minho screams back and the last syllable ends with a laugh. You lift your hand to wave and you leave, far, far away from him.
You now have an open wound to stitch back and you know you have to do it on your own.
Hyunjin's phone rings right when he decides to serve the ball. He drops the ball in surprise, the sphere rolling all the way to where his phone is placed. Chan groans, stopping his pace at the sound of the phone ringing, and yells, "Yah! Hyunjin, how many times should I tell you to switch off your phone?"
Felix walks in exactly at that minute, laughing, "Anyone from outside would totally think Chan's the captain!"
Hyunjin runs to his phone, his blond hair strands falling forward, ponytail swinging left and right. Felix laughs at the sight, walking towards the ball and picking it up before throwing it at Chan who catches it swiftly. Hyunjin sees your name on the phone, eyes lighting up instantly and a smile prominent only for Chan to announce, "It's Y/N."
"Of course, it is," Felix scoffs. "Where's the rest of the guys? I thought you said we were to come early—" Felix pauses, eyes widening and gasping, "Hold up! Y/N is late. Whoa!"
"They are probably running towards the gym right now," Hyunjin says before picking up the call. He mouths to the rest, "It'll be short, I promise," and pouts. Chan sighs, only to smile and wave his hand at him to take the call.
"Y/N," Hyunjin cheers up instantly. "Where are—" He hears a choked sob from the other hand and Hyunjin stiffens, face losing the smiling in a second. "Are you alright?"
"I am," you strain it out. You barely manage through with the chokes and that pain that ripples through in waves but you eventually find the words to tell him, "I won't make it to practice today. Yeah?"
"Where are you?"
Hyunjin is angry and he doesn't even know who it is aimed at. He is just beyond mad at the fact that you are crying and someone made you cry. The thought of the skin by your eyes aching and eyes red and burning over anyone made him so angry that he could punch a wall through.
"I'm not telling you," he hears you say and he clenches his fist.
"Stop being a brat, Y/N," he stresses and Chan gestures at him, asking if there was something wrong. Hyunjin nods. "Where are you?"
"Leave me alone, Jinnie," you tell him through the phone, "Please," and his eyes widen before he calms himself down, realising that you are trying to cope all alone, a pathetic self-destructive quirk of yours that he had learned to live with after all these years. He gulps and realises you truly needed time alone and he hums in approval.
"Please reach out to me when you need me," he begs. "Please, Y/N."
Felix and Chan are staring at Hyunjin in worry when the door to the gymnasium opens and Jisung rushes into the room. He is panting and he looks around, searching for someone. Hyunjin turns away, his attention back on the call in his hands and he ends the call quickly, making a note in his mind to check up on you after practise. Not that you would let him miss practise. (Not that Hyunjin would do it to himself in the first place. He'd kill for volleyball.)
He walks towards the rest when Minho walks in, black duffel bag on his shoulder. Jisung is quick on his feet as he runs towards the other man, hands on his shoulders and he shakes the living hell out of him.
"He's gone crazy, dude," Felix mumbles and Chan laughs.
Hyunjin stays at a comfortable distance still, looking at his phone in worry every now and then. The man lifts his head and brings his attention back to the present only when he hears your name leave Jisung's mouth.
"Whoa, dude. You got back together with Y/N?"
"What?" Chan is the first to respond. "You did what?"
"I didn't get back together with her," Minho says, his voice is monotone and lacks anything more than nonchalance and it pisses the hell out of Hyunjin who has his fists still clenched tightly.
"I saw you kissing her but. . ." Jisung drops the bomb all at once in such a lost way that he doesn't realise the impact it was to have in this large gymnasium.
Hyunjin is charging forwards all at once, yelling, "You bastard," as he throws a punch at Minho. The blond dyed man is quick to put two and two together and realise that you are after all, crying because of the black haired man before him.
He pushes him back, Minho hitting the floor and Hyunjin's on top of him, punching him with his clenched fist, mind void and painted in hot red anger. Minho has his arms, blocking his punches and chooses to play on the defensive side.
In fear, we are all monsters. Hyunjin believes that he would be afraid of himself had he astral projected and looked at himself in this minute, all unhinged because of one girl — one girl he would set the world on fire for.
All that rage comes out faster than magma for Hyunjin and is just as destructive. More so because he's the captain. It consumes all that he is, so delicate under that carefully ordered world and carefully put up feign that he is alright with Minho breaking the heart of the girl he loves. Minho shrivels before him but Hyunjin does not stop. He relentlessly keeps going, stopping short of physical violence but doing far more damage with the words that he throws.
Chan tries to pull Hyunjin away as Jisung drags Minho from underneath him. The black haired man is left with bruises and a busted lip. On the other hand, Hyunjin is still fuming, along with Chan, sporting a few cuts from Minho who decided to throw a few punches in the last moment.
"Can you all stop?" Felix sighs.
"Why would you bastard make her cry again?" Hyunjin raises his voice. He's yelling at this point, loud enough for everyone passing by the gymnasium to hear. "Why the fuck would you make Y/N cry again? I told you to leave her alone!"
"This wouldn't have happened if things went different—" Hyunjin tries to rush forward to hit him again upon hearing his words, but Chan and Changbin, another teammate, have a strong grip on him. His blond ponytail lashes in anger and he fights against the two, trying to let go of himself. Minho yells back, "I would have never broken up with her if you never liked her, Hyunjin."
"What?" He stops still in his tracks, limbs falling and Chan lets go.
"How am I supposed to think it's alright for you to randomly stare at my girlfriend with heart eyes? For fuck's sake, you guys hug way more than I hug her," Minho glares, chest rising up as he vents everything he has bottled up so far. "If you had always liked her, you should have told me! I shouldn't have overheard it from Chan telling you to ask her out." Chan's face pales visibly. "I would have tried making her stay. I would have made her stay. I would have," Minho's voice lowers. "I still did, but I was too late."
Hyunjin has no words to refute. His eyes widen and his heart is in his throat, barely being able to say, "You could have taken it out on me. Why would you drag her into this? She loved you. She still wavers because of you. Your faithless love was the only hoax she was forced to believe."
Jisung pouts in awe at the words Hyunjin spills and Minho mumbles, "I don't know. I couldn't think straight."
Felix drops the ball with force, suddenly. The ball squelches before raising high and hitting the wall with impact. He folds his arms and speaks up, "Stop acting like kids." He points at Minho. "You, stop putting the blame of your failed relationship on Hyunjin. Him liking Y/N did not ruin your relationship. You killed it yourself."
"But he—"
"I liked her even before you made a move on her. Nothing has changed, Minho," Hyunjin inhales sharply.
"It's because you're a coward, you arsehole."
Hyunjin closes his eyes, looking away, mumbling, "Not going to even bother denying that. I'd be dating her if I wasn't this scared of losing her."
Felix proceeds to point at Hyunjin, glaring sharply at him, "You call yourself a captain? We have a match in a few days and you decide to lose control and beat up your teammate? One of the best middle blockers out there! What in the world are you thinking, Hyunjin? Jesus Christ, when Y/N hears of this, she's going to beat you up so bad for doing this to him in the name of the team."
Hyunjin doesn't dare to look up at Felix, shuffling the balance of his body from one feet to another. He is embarrassed. He should have never let his emotions take control of his body and yet he did.
Chan walks towards Felix before announcing, "We'll start practice in five. I want the two of you to sort this out by the end of this day. If you haven't, I don't want either of you coming to practice tomorrow."
"I'm the setter!" Hyunjin protests.
"Jeongin can do a darn good job too, so shut up and listen to me well."
"Now," Felix claps his hand, smiling once again brightly before running to pick up the ball. "Let's practice like the perfect team we are!"
"And like I couldn't stop myself. It's like something dragged me to move forward and the next thing I knew, I was on top of Minho—"
"Fuck, that'd be hot."
"Y/N, focus. And like I was beating the crap out of him."
You dab an alcoholic swab over the small wounds on his face as he seethes in pain and you sneer, "Deserved it."
"Ouch," Hyunjin fakes offense. "Side with me at least now. You aren't dating him anymore." You stop, your hand midair and you dab constantly over his wounds till Hyunjins screaming, "Ow, ow, ow. I'm sorry," and holds your wrist and pulls it away.
"But you messed up your team dynamics just because of your anger," you frown. "You and Minho better sort it out quickly, Jinnie. Else, I swear to God." You glare at him.
"What will you do?" Hyunjin laughs, scrunching his nose and teasing you. You place the bandaids over the wounds and raise an eyebrow. Hyunjin prompts, "Bite me?"
"I will," you warn and Hyunjin scoffs, "As if."
You bite him. His shoulder, to be exact. Your teeth hold onto his socket for a good one minute tightly till he is yelping, hitting your back to let go of him as he hisses in pain. You let go of him and narrow your eyes at him. Hyunjin is shocked. So shocked that he blankly stares at you with his mouth wide open.
"Are you a dog?"
"I could be one if you taunt me too much."
"Wow," he blinks and you poke the insides of your cheek with your tongue. "Wow, you're truly one of a kind." And Hyunjin breaks down laughing, holding his shoulder with his hand and bending forward overcome by intense laughter.
"Buy me mint choco," he prompts. "Because now you injured me and I want compensation."
"Excuse me?"
Hyunjin pushes himself forward, edging closer to you, looking you in your eyes before saying, "You know you have to," in a low guttural tone that your heart does a whole somersault, triple axle and then lands with an ovation. "You hurt me."
You push him away and you leap onto your feet, your eyes wide and your hand over your chest. Hyunjin looks at you with a raised eyebrow. To change the mood of the situation, you quickly announce, "Fine. You'll get mint chocolate only if you get ready and come out in five minutes. Else you pay for it on your own."
Hyunjin stands up and holding your wrist, he pulls you with him to the door. You look at him in utter confusion and ask, "What are you doing?"
Hyunjin stops in his tracks and turns to look at you, blond strands leaving his ponytail to cover his eyes slightly and pink lips so plump that you wonder how they feel. The realisation that you have started viewing your best friend as someone more than just that hits you and you look down instantly. When did this happen?
"I'll just wear a coat and so should you," Hyunjin laughs. "Ice cream can't wait."
People think of laughing as a noise that comes from the mouth more often than not, but when Hyunjin laughed it was nothing like that. The laugh is in his eyes, in the way his face changes into that vision of relaxed joy and unrestrained mirth. And yet, in all honesty, it is not in his face either. His laugh comes from within, it is just the way he is wired with the instant ability to comfort someone. Just the sound of his gales, his snickers, his giggles, was enough to transport you far away from all your worries and the tension your life has in the minute.
Enough to make you forget that you have to tell him today about the decision you have taken.
Hyunjin and you walk down the stairs and off onto the road in five minutes as planned. The cool air of the night hits you and you hold yourself closer, the long coat held tightly to your body surface. Hyunjin laughs before wrapping his arm around your shoulder and pulling you close by just a little bit and yet enough to share his body warmth.
"Mint choco, here we come!" And he runs with you.
The thing with your stupid heart is that you don't understand why it is beating so rapidly in this moment, your heart beat easily jumping to more than 95bpm and all because Hyunjin holds you. You look at the man by your side, his blond hair moving with the air, exposing his face and you wonder — had Hwang Hyunjin always been this beautiful?
You have known Hyunjin for a long time now. Too long for you to realise that your heart had a change in its plans for emotions recently. You have known Hyunjin way too long to know that you want him for a lifetime by your side, as a best friend at the very least and the thought that if you did act upon your new emotions that you have just discovered in this cold, breezy night, you are screwed.
Hyunjin turns to look back at you after hearing absolutely no sound from you. His face pales when he realises you are looking far ahead and he wonders if you do remember now. If you remember the drunk night.
So he asks to put himself at ease, "Y/N?"
"Huh?" You jolt up to consciousness, looking properly at Hyunjin. "Yeah?"
"Do you remember the night a few days back?"
"Night? Few days back?" You ponder. "When I was drunk?"
"Yeah," Hyunjin mumbles and you raise your body in anticipation, finally wanting to ask about the magical teleportation.
"Now that we are on this topic," you fold your arms and raise your eyebrows at your best friend. Hyunjin shuffles his balance from his left to his right. "Did you carry me to bed that night?"
Hyunjin chokes on air, sputtering out incoherent words before finally forming one proper sentence, "You knew?"
"You're the only other person I live with and I don't have any recollection of going to bed so like I presumed," you look down, heat rising to your cheek and you fidget with your fingers. "That you carried me to bed."
"That's all that you remember?"
You lift your head up, lips pursed and eyebrows furrowed, "Is there more?"
"Uh," Hyunjin turns back to face forward, his broad back in your vision again as he walks forward to the ice cream parlour by the junction.
"Hyunjin?" He walks quicker. "Yah! Hwang Hyunjin!" You follow him with quick, short strides, almost jogging up to him. "What did I do, Jinnie?" He opens the glass door to the ice cream parlour. "Yah, Hwang Hyunjin, tell me no matter how embarrassing it is." You follow him into the white aesthetically pretty place.
You finally catch hold of his coat and tug at it. Hyunjin turns, his cheeks flushed and you wonder what in the world happened that night. Yes, you have vague memories of hugging Hyunjin and passing out, but for him to act like this — wait, you didn't empty your stomach out on him, did you?
"Did I—" Hyunjin's eyes widens. He turns back, his attention on the man behind the counter and he points towards you.
"She's paying."
"Okay," the man nods and turns to look at you, waiting for your order. You sigh, glaring at your best friend before ordering one quantity of mint chocolate ice cream. Your eyes waver to the green ice cream and you frown in displeasure, something Hyunjin catches sight of your expression.
"How dare you?" He folds his arms, dramatically. "The only people that matter in this world are the one that like mint chocolate." The man at the counter smiles at the two of you.
You open your mouth, clicking your tongue, "I'm not paying money to eat toothpaste."
The man behind the counter laughs out loud and Hyunjin glares at him, scoffing. He takes the ice cream from his hand and waits for you to pay. The tall man looks at the two of you, again, before finally telling, "Good luck on your relationship. It's always fun to see couples have an argument over mint chocolate and still be so in love with each other." He turns to look at Hyunjin only, "For your information, I like mint chocolate."
Both Hyunjin and you look at each other, either of you waiting for the other person to disagree with the man but there is just silence. You can feel Hyunjin looking at you through the corners, waiting for you to refute like you always do. You don't and you do not even know why. The heat builds up beneath the apples of your cheek and the thought of being in a relationship with your best friend strangely brings about a wave of calmness within you, doing its best to shove the uncertainty of so many things away.
"Thank you for the ice cream," you say and walk to an empty table. Hyunjin thanks the man too, and follows you, sitting on the seat opposite to you and places the mint chocolate in between.
He watches you, unsure of the situation and you bite your lower lip nervously before shoving the cup closer to him and mumbling, "Eat. We came all the way here for you."
"You should have gotten another ice cream," Hyunjin frowns.
"It's past nine," you laugh, your hair falling over the chair as you lean back. "I can't let fat into my body after nine. You know that."
"Why do I know you?" Hyunjin puts his hand on his forehead looking at you and then he pushes the cup of ice cream towards your side. "Disappointment." You look at your best friend, disgusted and he won't take the disrespect though.
"It's a refreshing taste," he digs in and takes a big bite. "Plus, it's the right balance." He lifts the spoon with a small amount of the mint ice cream and shoves it right in front of your face. "The perfect amount of mint, chocolate and milk to make the world's most perfect ice cream."
You push his hand away and glare, "Why would you ruin two beautiful sweets," you raise an eyebrow, "Chocolate and ice cream by including," you fake a gag, "Mint?"
"Because mint balances the sweetness of the chocolate," he scoffs. "All you mediocre people won't understand. Mint chocolate was created for the elite class."
"Did you just call me mediocre?" your jaw drops and Hyunjin laughs. It's soft, airy and so carefree that you don't mind the fact that he is laughing at you and not with you. You don't mind one bit when you break down and laugh with him, unable to keep your face straight as you lean forward on the table, your head resting on your hands and you watch Hyunjin.
You decide to tell him of your decision in this minute.
"I'm going to make Seungmin manage the team," you tell Hyunjin and he stares at you, the spoon dropping from his hand and clattering against the glass rim of the ice cream cup. You continue, "He's always wanted to manage the volleyball team and I thought I should let him—"
"Why?" He sounds hurt. Disappointed, in fact and your heart plummets down.
"I thought it's time to move on."
"From the team or Minho?"
"Minho," you say, nibbling on your lower teeth. "I want to go back to him—"
"What?" Hyunjin feels his heart sink.
"Don't cut me off, hoe," you click your tongue. "I want to go back to him and be his friend. I'm not ready to ruin a friendship over this. I just won't."
Hyunjin looks down at his cup of ice cream. His spoon digs into the cold dessert over and over again till he realises that he'll do what he has always done for you — be right by your side as your pillar.
"Feed me," Hyunjin prompts and you stare at him with a void expression, mouth still open, wondering if he suggested this only and only to change the topic. Hyunjin stretches his arm out to shut your mouth. "People are going to think I'm starving you here."
"Whoa." You lift your head up. "And if I do that, people are going to think we're possibly the cutest couple out there still in our glorious honeymoon phase of it."
"Okay," Hyunjin shrugs and leans back against the chair, folding his arms against each other.
"Okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine with that."
You sit up straight and look down before finally saying, "Don't say that."
"Say what?"
"Those words that make my heart flutter. I don't know what to feel, Hyunjin." Hyunjin is too stunned to react and whine over the fact that you called him properly by his name in your conversation. The fact that he too can cause your heart to race a little bit just like you have with his all these years. "Don't say them to me if you won't ever be ready to take responsibility over them."
You place your thumb and forefinger on your forehead, squeezing the skin slightly to calm the slight ache you can feel, the vein throbbing slightly and you know it is your anxiety that kicks in because you almost spilled everything out. You quickly stand up and holding your coat tightly, you look at Hyunjin who is still seated and looking at you intently.
"I need to go to the pharmacy next door. I'll wait for you there. Finish your ice cream and come."
You don't turn to look at Hyunjin as you walk out, slightly embarrassed by your own behaviour. Between you and Hyunjin, you are the one who had to keep your cool, making sure you didn't slip up or make a mess so that you could at least have time to clean his spilt milk.
You push the door of the ice cream parlour and walk out, the doorbell ringing at your push and you hold yourself in the cold breeze. If Hyunjin did not respond to it, it is only safe to presume that he feels nothing more towards you. You could at least put two and two together. Or so you thought till Hyunjin is chasing after you, big strides and dark blond hair in the wind as his rubber band comes loose and slides off a bit.
"Y/N!" He shouts and quickly holds your wrist, pulling you so quickly that you stumble forward into him. Hyunjin grips your arms to steady you and he looks at you, his brown eyes trying to peep into your soul. He smiles, hand running through his hair only to bring more strands forward, covering his vision.
Falling in love with Hwang Hyunjin, you realise, is the easy part. He makes it so easy to fall for him — when he smiles at the sun, covering his eyes or when he is covered by the dogs in dog parks all eager to hug him because that's how he just is. You don't even realise when you fall for Hyunjin but when you do, you know you are already sinking and you are far too gone for saving.
It is, however, admitting to yourself that you fell for your best friend that is hard. The Hwang Hyunjin that you have seen since the five year old boy moved next door to you. The Hwang Hyunjin that would cross dress in your clothes. The Hwang Hyunjin that would steal your dumplings. It is the same Hwang Hyunjin that you fall for. You had all these doors with specifications that opened to only men like Lee Minho and yet like the rude asshole that you oh so adorably love he seemed to tear them down. Or perhaps those doors were meant for others and Hyunjin always had a door of his own for your heart.
You should have asked yourself why but would it have really mattered? You're here with Hyunjin by your side, whether he knows your feelings or not and you couldn't be any less glad, even if you are sometimes hiding, imagining a distance instead of seeing Hyunjin right there.
"I'll come back, Jinnie," you tell him, looking up at him and coughing slightly, trying to move back slightly to put some space between the two of you. "I'm not running away. I just need to buy some strips of paraceta—"
"I want to be responsible for them," His gaze doesn't leave yours. "I want to be responsible for you, your emotions and everything you are, if you let me."
You wouldn't dare to shift your eyes away, or focus on anything else. Just Hyunjin. Just your Hyunjin. Your heart beats so fast against your chest that you wonder if it ever had this much for any man or woman. And when Hyunjin pulls you into him, his arms wrapping around your frame, hand flat against your head that buries your face into his chest, you learn that Hwang Hyunjin's heartbeat is always your metronome — the beat your entire life seemed to have moved smoothly to.
You giggle against his chest, breaking into a smile, "Are you asking me out, Jinnie?"
"I guess," he chuckles into your hair, snuggling himself into you. He pulls you back to explain. "My original plan was to ask you out after the practice match that I'll make sure we win, but you could possibly not be there as our manager and what if I miss the chance?"
"You lovesick boy," you laugh, smiling stupidly at him. Hyunjin cups your face and presses his forehead against yours.
"I've liked you for so long, Y/N," and you blush, lips pursed and you smile back, heart fluttering.
"Thank you," you press a kiss against his cheek.
"For what?"
"For being you and for always loving me."
Hwang Hyunjin holds your face and kisses like he is capable of getting rid of all your worries, slowly bleeding into your marrows and cells and soaking you of the very essence he is. He holds you like you are a precious being — and to him, you are because he finally has you after all these years; he finally gets to call you his.
His lips are warm and tasted of mint; obviously from the mint chocolate ice cream earlier. His hands are wrapped around your waist and yours are locked around his neck pulling him down slightly. His strands of blond locks brush against your face, ticking you slightly and you giggle into the kiss. He laughs against your lips before kissing you slowly, drawing the kiss for as long as he could. When you break apart for air, you lean forward and rest your forehead against his, gathering some much needed oxygen. His smile tells you everything you need confirmation over and you smile back, sinking into his hold.
Hyunjin hugs with gentle arms that still gives the space to breathe; yet it is the hug of a strong pair of arms that tells everything that you are - every fibre of your being - that he is with you, and you wonder how he is capable of that. How he is capable of holding like you are his whole world — like he rather hold you than anything else.
Hyunjin does exactly that. He holds you tight and close to him in this cold night, ignorant of everything else around the two of you, like you and him only mattered in the place, like you and him are fireworks in this velvet dark, the blaze that dares to light up the night.
#hyunjin fluff#minho fluff#hyunjin angst#minho angst#hyunjin x reader#minho x reader#hyunjin#lee know#stray kids fluff#skz fluff#stray kids smut#skz angst#stray kids angst#hyunjin college au#minho college au#college au#hyunjin imagines#minho imagines#hyunjin scenarios#minho scenarios
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@megalommi YOU
do you have ANY IDEA
How much simping i have done for that goddamn wonderful insomniac swirlyboy of yours???????
I sent an anon ask about how he’d react to someone who was resistant to hypnosis and then I had to write a whole ass oneshot to get all those THOUGHTS of HIM out of my head
��� you did this to me
Trigger Warning: Unwilling hypnosis, also a smooch
“... how intriguing.”
The glossy voice ebbed in, ringing like a gentle wind chime... all around you. Inside and outside your mind, inescapably and terrifyingly comforting. Soft rippling darkness with beautiful blue and pink colours radiating through it...
“you’re so... resistant. there’s always resistance, of course, but you...”
So tired. So tired. Something was holding onto you, wrapping itself insistently around you like a blanket, warm strong arms pressing you to just turn over and fall asleep. The feeling was so nice... gentle, soft, like waking up on a Saturday morning with sunlight streaming in from between the curtains.
...But you forced your eyes to stay open, a crack.
N-no... I don’t want to...
You couldn’t see much... just a slit of bright white, an undulating pattern of magenta and cyan. Something, deep inside you, despite the enveloping sensation of safety and warmth, was petrified- it was fighting with everything it had. It was screaming at you, telling you that if you couldn’t let yourself fall under. You couldn’t let him win.
... Who’s him?
A touch on your cheek, and another on your forehead, stroking the hair away from your face. Slow and possessive. You couldn’t feel your arms or legs... but your lips and tongue were tingling, faintly.
The voice was so dark. So calm, so gentle... but you didn’t miss the saccharine, gleeful undertones.
“... i wonder what happened to make you so... unwilling.”
Your head was pounding. But the sensation was distant... someone was banging at the door, desperate to get in.
Or out...
A feeling like fingers reaching into your mind. Pushing gently on the inside of your head, curling around thoughts and feelings... stroking and soothing while holding your hidden memories as if they were just pretty stones he’d found on the shore.
“something in your past, perhaps? a betrayal, an unstable source of affection. or maybe you’re just that stubborn... heh. so many hypotheses, so little time.”
Stop it, you said to him without speaking, as if it would make any difference. You felt your brows crease- a tiny movement you managed to push through the wonderful warm numbness that was encasing every part of you. But as soon as you pushed, as soon as you made the ground of having a coherent thought and an inch of movement, you’d drawn attention to yourself and that part of your head. In your mind’s eye, you saw a swirling iris turning to look dead at you... a wide, dark, fanged grin breaking out on his face.
You could barely get out a terrified whimper before the warmth crept in and pressed down on the little free thought, a thumb snuffing out the tiniest glowing ember. The arms around you pulled you with more insistence, just let go... sink with me. A strong, chemical-like scent.
“... you’re so frightened... you really think you can fight me off, don’t you?”
The ‘blanket’ around you was too restrictive. You wanted to kick at it, it was too hot, you needed to pry your arms or feet out of the cocoon and feel fresh air against your skin. But the more you fought, the tighter it wound around you.
“how adorable.”
...
The sound of rubber gloves being removed... and then a hand was combing through your hair. The sensation of clawed fingers against your scalp sent wonderful light tingles throughout your body... it (didn’t) help that he was stroking with a placating, almost reverent light touch.
A soft sigh. You felt the breath on your cheeks. You realised, with what little and muted panic you had the power to muster, that you couldn’t see him, you’d closed your eyes- you opened them the barest crack and saw his smile centimetres from your face. His teeth had parted a fraction... his tongue was visible, glowing like it was radioactive.
“my little kitten,” he purred. You didn’t understand why, but for a moment the false and over-sweetened glossiness to his voice seemed to be... missing? “claws out...”
You were faltering. You were starting to crumble. With each passing moment, he was getting harder and harder to fight... with every little slip into his clutches, you stopped being able to wriggle free.
“seems only natural that the one i want to control the most is the one who puts up the biggest fight, doesn’t it?”
So tired...
“i wonder how long you could hold out for. it must feel like hours to you. i’m certain i could make some time for my favourite, for us to test that... a little session, just me and you and all the time in the world.”
A sigh.
“oh, look at me... rambling to you again. heheh...
i must sound like a madman.”
Suddenly, the pressure on you increased tenfold. His eye, his tone, even where his bare phalanges were touching you, you felt his magic pushing in a surge of beautiful and disorienting colour. You didn’t stand a chance, already exhausted and barely clinging on to consciousness- whatever grip you had on reality just fell away.
The lovely, lovely warm tingling completely enveloped you. The aching you felt from resisting washed aside, just a handful of sand carried off by a soothing river.
So comfy... you hummed, totally relaxed, totally at peace.
“... sleep.”
...
... The last thing you felt was gentle hands cupping your limp face... and a kiss being pressed against your forehead.
#llama writes#baggs#baggs sans#how daRE YOU BE SO TALENTED AND INSPIRING#you made a simpable sympathetic character and i took that personally#megalosomnia
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Here Without You
Pairing: Soft!Ledger!Joker x Reader
Summary: Your last days have been really bad and exhausting. There are always new problems you have to take care of, you feel tired and burnt out, and on top of that, J hasn't shown up for several days. That was until today.
Word count: 1,344
Genre: probably a bit angsty / fluffy comfort / self-insert
Warnings: Reader has a bad day, low self esteem
Notes: A very big thank you to my dearest best friend @fan-of-pretty-much-2-much for encouraging me to post this fic. What would I do without you, your support and love? I own you so much🥺😭 Also, thank you so incredibly much for this simply beautiful title💜
Well, this fic is a total self-insert😅 I basically wrote it for myself as a comfort. So it's probably too cheesy and my characterization of J is way too soft and ooc. But maybe someone will like it anyway, I don't know. So read at your own risk lol🙈 Also, the text is unedited and English is not my first language, so I apologize for any mistakes.
Taglist: @ajokeformur-ray @sacredempressnatlyia @rommies
It had been days now since you last saw your clown. News reports were your only clues as to his whereabouts and well-being. You didn't blame him, he was a busy man - a free man who came and went as he pleased - and you wouldn't keep him from his business. Even though, if you were honest, you would love to not let him leave your apartment ever again, and instead keep him with you where you knew he was safe; not that he couldn't take care of himself.
But you missed him terribly. And on top of that, your doubts and insecurities were getting worse with each passing day. You probably weren't good enough for him, too boring and annoying with all your worries. Would he ever come back to you? Was he tired of you? Had you perhaps upset him without knowing it?
And today... Today was a particularly bad day. Already early in the morning the day had started with bad news, new things you had to take care of. Problems kept coming up, there just seemed to be no end in sight. Once you had taken care of one thing, two new things popped up. You felt overwhelmed, burned out and tired. You longed for a break. You longed for him.
A familiar noise. But you only heard it very distantly. You were far too lost in your sad and gloomy thoughts. You sat on your bed and stared at the wall. Your eyes hurt because you tried to hold back your tears as hard as you could, even though you knew it was wrong. But you wanted to stay strong, not show any weakness.
The noise came closer, heavy footsteps. The door to your room cracked open and a face painted with makeup peered in, looking for you. When J spotted you, he grinned mischievously. But his good mood soon changed when he saw you in this miserable state. He immediately noticed that something was wrong, even if he didn't quite know what it was yet. So he entered your room without waiting for you to give him your permission. And even when J stood right in front of you and looked at you with his beautiful dark eyes, which actually showed a hint of concern, you hardly reacted, which admittedly only worried him more. Because you normally ran up to him at the first sign of his presence. But today was... different. And he didn't like it at all.
"What's the matter, toots, hm? I'm back, I'm here."
You stared at him, but you couldn't see him. You hadn't quite realized yet that he was truly standing in front of you. It seemed more like your mind was playing a trick on you - an evil trick to torture you even more. "I'm so sorry, J," you finally uttered. It wasn't so much directed at him as you were talking to yourself.
"You're sorry for what?" He frowned thoughtfully. He couldn't remember anything you had done that you needed to apologize for. But it wasn't a surprise that you apologized in the first place. You apologized for the smallest things, sometimes even for apologizing. But this time, he was a little bit confused.
"I don't know. That I annoyed you with... with me being the way I am. I don't know, okay?!" That was the moment you snapped back to reality. You saw him. Standing in front of you, in his usual slightly bent posture, his head tilted to one side as he tried to figure things out. And that's when you couldn't hold back your tears any longer.
Intuitively, J leaned down towards you and reached out to cup your face with his gloved hands. But you flinched away from him, too ashamed and insecure. "No, J. Don't!"
But he didn't let that stop him. Even though you had said the exact opposite, he could tell by the look in your eyes how much you wanted him. And it caused a strange feeling to rise in his chest - he wasn't sure what to think of it, so he just shrugged it off and focused all of his attention back on you. He sat down next to you, wrapped his arms around your body that was trembling with tension, and gently pulled you to him. This time you let it happen; the second he touched you, you were like putty in his hands. Moments later you found yourself on his lap and you couldn't help but cling to him as tightly as you could, your tear-streaked face buried in his broad chest, inhaling his scent between heavy sobs - a mixture of burnt rubber, gasoline and sweat (he had been out there for days, of course, he hadn't had time to worry about such trivialities) and something so specifically J that your heart ached. Oh, how much you had missed him. All you wanted and needed was him. Your J. It was kind of ironic. While others ran away from him in sheer panic, you longed for him. You had never been like others, you saw so much more in him than just a criminal. To you, he was your charming, sometimes pretty grumpy, but still in his own special way caring and loving clown - but you better not say this out loud. You just loved him. This realization hit you so hard that a new wave of emotions washed over you.
"Shush. I'm here, I gotcha." He shifted beneath you, loosening his grip around you, causing you to sigh in frustration. Rustling of expensive material and then suddenly you felt all warm - he had wrapped you in his royal purple coat and then put his arms around you again like a vice. You were in the warmest, safest embrace you could ever think of. Immediately, your body relaxed, your trembling finally subsided. You listened to his steady heartbeat and mimicked his breathing. J hummed and smiled to himself as he noticed your reaction.
When you finally felt calm enough, you lifted your face off of him so you could look at him; your eyes were bloodshot and dark rings stood out beneath them. He hated to see you like this, but he said nothing; he waited until you were ready to talk. And you were ready. You took a deep breath and finally murmured, "Today was just a shitty day. There's so much to do and it seems to never get any less. Everything is too much. And I... I missed you so much... I thought you weren't coming back."
"But here I am, right?" He squeezed you a little tighter to put emphasis on his words. "I know you've got a lot going on right now. But ya got this, toots. You're tougher than you think you are. Aaand..." A huge and devious grin formed on his lips. You could literally see him thinking about all the things he had done in the past few days. "I need to lay a little low for the next few days."
"Yeah, I picked up something like this on the news. What is it this time?" You're no longer able to suppress a weak giggle. And a yawn. You were so very tired and exhausted, you hadn't slept well since J left, when he wasn't by your side. But now that you were cocooned in his protective warmth... Your eyes grew heavier and heavier. "So does this mean you're staying home, J?"
"I'm not going anywhere, sweets." He moved you both on the bed until you were in a lying position, you still on top of him wrapped in his coat. Even though he would never admit it, he had missed you too. And holding you in his arms like that - feeling you, knowing you were safe and relaxed - made him aware of his own exhaustion. He pressed a sloppy kiss to your forehead, leaving a beautiful reminder for you when you woke up in the morning, and then closed his eyes himself.
#ledger!joker#ledger joker#J#ledger!joker fanfic#soft!joker#soft!ledger!joker#ledger joker x reader#ledger!joker x reader#fluff#fluffy comfort#joker fluff#joker fanfiction#tdk fanfic#my fanfic#my writing
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