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ficmashup · 5 months

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Caretaker

A/N: I should probably put summaries on these, but I'm terrible at brevity. Clearly. But wow some people actually like this and I'm blushing and kicking my feet. :) Thanks for interacting! Sorry this one is a bit more team-based than Price-based, but honestly the way to that man's heart is through his men. He's such a dad and I love him for it.

Warnings: Vague SA references or similar trauma, stabbing, harsh language, f!reader, talk of being shot, wound care.

Word Count: 3.8k

Feral Masterlist

What really puts the team and I’s tenuous connection to the test is when Soap gets stabbed.

We’re two months in. I’m just a soldier and medic today, on the ground with the rest of the group as we clear a warehouse storing some enemy supplies that we’re…appropriating. My focus is razor sharp, easily directing my hyperactive fight or flight instinct into looking around every corner and keeping a sharp ear out for any noise. Soap and Ghost are on the other side of the building doing the same, Price pulling up the rear.

Gaz and I both hear the scuffle and stop in our tracks before Ghost’s voice comes over coms. “Soap’s hit. Eastern corner.” We start moving immediately and I slide my gun wrapped around my body to my back as we reach them, the boys already forming a circle around Soap as they watch his back. I’m on my knees at his side the second I reach him, my hand pushing down hard on his thigh as I take in the handle sticking out just above his hip.

His body is held taut and his jaw is locked, clearly trying to stay quiet and still. “Alright, Soap, I’ve got you.” I murmur while Price gives orders to the boys. Gaz and him split up, more than likely going to clear the rest of the building while Ghost stays in the shadows next to me to watch our backs.

Soap grunts. “Good to know, G.”

I guide his hand to my knee and press it there so he can squeeze when the pain gets too bad. It helps my patient and gives me a good indicator of their pain levels. My fingers are ginger as I rip his shirt a bit more, moving it and his tac vest up enough to see the wound. “Didn’t hit anything vital, you lucky bastard. I can patch you up here, then treat this properly at camp.” I’m already doing it as I tell him, my med-kit open on the concrete floor beside me. I gather two pills in my hand and reach up, tilting his chin to look at me. “Swallow.” His eyes widen a touch and he lets me slip the pills past his lips before his throat flexes as he swallows. “Good. Those will kick in and take away some of the pain on the walk back, but I can’t wait until then. So, I need you hold onto me because this’ll hurt like a bitch.”

I hold his gaze, making sure he knows I mean it and he nods. With gauze packed around the blade, I yank it out without hesitation and Soap chokes. “Fuck.” He curses and his fists clench, his fingers digging into my thigh while I move quickly to staunch the blood flow. Price and Gaz return, nodding to Ghost to give the all clear. The warehouse is empty except for us.

“And here I was thinking Scots were more creative with their cursing.” I goad him a bit to distract him and he huffs a laugh.

“If you wanted me to teach you curses, lass, you should have asked.”

“Think I just did. You going to disappoint a girl?”

Another dry chuckle leaves him and I glance at his face to see a crooked smile despite the pain. “Ah, well, awa’ n bile yer heid is Ghost’s favorite. Means go fuck yourself.” The aforementioned soldier grumbles as he slides through the shadows to settle a few feet from Soap’s head.

“Shouldn’t have gotten him started. Now he won’t shut up.” Gaz comments good-naturedly from my left, he and Price watching as I work. That’s exactly my plan. If Soap’s talking, he’s not thinking about the pain.

“Definitely seems like Ghost’s favorite. Does he hear it often?” I’m nearly done now as I make sure the bandages are as tight as I can safely make them while holding Soap’s gaze again, drawing his attention with a direct look.

He takes a sharp breath, but grins through the pain. “Often enough, eh, LT?” He teases while glancing towards the Lieutenant.

Ghost doesn’t budge from where he watches us. “Couldn’t say. I only pay attention when you speak English.” Soap chuckles at that before I rest a hand on his shoulder and glance at Ghost, tilting my head to his other side. He moves there instantly while I look into Johnny’s eyes again.

“Time to get up. Lean on us and remember that the meds will kick in. Just keep moving for me, yeah?” My voice is calm and firm. I ease him up into a sitting position while he grimaces, but nods. Ghost and I share a look as we move simultaneously to get Soap up onto his feet. He groans and I brace a hand against his bindings to make sure they hold fast. As soon as I meet Price’s eyes, he nods and we start moving out.

Gaz moves towards me to take Soap, but I give him a sharp look. I’m the medic, the sick and injured are my responsibility. I keep Soap’s arm around my shoulders and push ahead with Ghost on his other side. The whole time I keep him talking quietly, distracting him and verbally poking him to keep his mind occupied. A single mention of his favorite football team sends him on a rant for five minutes straight and I don’t think I mistake seeing Ghost’s mask twitch as he smiles.

Gaz and Price are quiet as we make slow progress forward, letting me do my work, but I feel their eyes on us every now and then. Especially on me. Things go a bit easier when the pain pills I gave him kick in and Soap is practically back to himself by the time we get back to camp. Ghost helps me lay him down while everyone else packs up. We were planning to leave tomorrow, but tonight serves just as well.

Gingerly, I help Soap out of his tac vest and shirt before taking a proper look at the wound. “How’s the pain, soldier?” I set his hand on my knee again as I check to see how much blood has seeped into the gauze.

“Three. Barely twinges.” He responds and I give him a critical look as his grip on my leg tightens just a touch as I check my work. But I don’t call him out on it.

“It’s not too bad.” I tell him honestly as I remove the bandages, taking special care to clean the wound this time even as Soap winces. “As long as it’s kept clean and the dressing changed often, you’ll heal in no time. Hope you don’t mind my company because you’ll be seeing a lot of me for a while.”

He shakes his head, a little smile on his face. “Wouldn’t mind it a bit, G, but I can look after myself.”

“Not a chance.” My voice is firm and I make sure to stare into his eyes, placing a hand with blood smeared over my fingers on his shoulder. “That might’ve been how you did it before, but I’m your medic now. No one touches these bandages other than me. Especially not you. Understood, soldier?”

He swallows, then his smile grows as he gives me a nod. “Yes, ma’am.” I nod in return and finish wrapping the wound again while his eyelids droop. “Thanks, lass.” My hand lightly pats his shoulder before I lay his shirt over his chest while I stand.

“Sleep. Move a muscle and I’ll have you strapped to the inside of the car.” He hums his acknowledgement while I stand up and walk over to the men lingering around the back of our jeep. “He’ll be fine. It’s not too deep and didn’t hit anything that’ll cause problems later. We can move out whenever we’re ready.”

Price nods. “Let’s head out then. The sooner, the better.” He receives a chorus of acceptance from me and the others. I’m quick to pack up and slide my bag in the back along with the others before we get Soap in the jeep. Price drives, Ghost sits in the passenger seat, then Gaz and Soap sit on either side of me in the back.

“How are we doing, Soap?” I ask softly as we drive across the landscape, not exactly keeping to roads and worn paths.

He grunts with a hand braced against the wound. “Really enjoying the bumps, Cap.”

“We’ll reach a road in a few minutes. Stick it out, Johnny.” Price responds and Soap curses as he hits a particularly deep crater. My hand moves Soap’s to my knee again, holding it there as a touchstone. I’d rather not give him any more pain pills to avoid him getting drowsy, but I don’t want him incapacitated with pain. Keeping his hand there will help me know if he can handle it.

“This can’t be the worst you’ve had, Soap.” I poke a bit of fun at him and he half-smiles, scoffing.

“Not a chance. Being shot in the leg was a fucking bitch.” He shakes his head before leaning it back against the headrest. His eyes slide to mine. “What about you, G? What’s your worst?” I blink, hesitating as I consider the question. Price hits another bump and Soap hisses while Gaz tries to hide a chuckle as a cough. “You fuckin’ aiming for them, Cap?” His accent gets a bit thicker and I glance up at the rearview mirror to find Price’s eyes already on me. I shake my head slightly. Soap’s question is fine.

“Depends on what you consider worst. The most painful or the one that left me the most fucked up?” I offer and interest flashes in Soap’s eyes. I’ve got him distracted, at least. “I got shot in the left shoulder, then had to fend off an assailant in hand to hand. Worked the bullet deeper into my muscle since it wasn’t clean through. Took forever to heal and it’s a miracle I still have full movement. Couldn’t raise my arm above my shoulder for months.” The men nod or grimace, understanding and easily relating.

“Thought I was going to go stir crazy every time I’ve been put on bed rest.” Soap grumbles and I don’t bother telling him that he’s going to be on bed rest as soon as we get back to base.

“That’s because you can’t stay still for five minutes.” Gaz teases and Soap gives him a grin and a half-shrug to say he’s not wrong.

“Drives most medics crazy. Hope you’re up for it, G.” Ghost comments from the front and I look pointedly towards Soap.

“He’s not going to be difficult for me, are you, Johnny?” I ask expectantly and he shakes his head immediately. The men chuckle while I glance at Price in the mirror and fight a smile of my own. There’s a new edge in his eyes, a soft one, and I find that I like seeing it there.

Gaz shifts in place, a grin on his face as he stares at Soap. “You’ve already got him purring like a cat, G. What were in those pills you gave him?”

“Shut it, Gaz. You heard her threaten that guy in the bar. I’m trying to keep my balls where they are.” The car rumbles with laughter again, mine included, although it’s too quiet for anyone else to hear. We finally reach a dirt road and the ride becomes a fraction easier. Soap eventually falls asleep while I watch over him, my hand still on top of his where it sits on my thigh.

* * *

After a brief argument when we get on base, I force Soap into the med tent to stay overnight for observation. There’s a nagging feeling in my gut. I wait for him to finish taking a shower after I carefully wrapped the bandages so they wouldn’t get wet. He quirks a brow when he finds me waiting for him and I wave him into bed so I can take a look at the wound one last time before everyone turns in.

“This isn’t my first, you know.” He quips as he lets me check it again.

I give him a placating look. “After so long in the business, you learn to trust your gut. Better to be paranoid and wrong than careless and miss something that kills you.” That shuts him up promptly and my lips press together as I look at the wound. It looks a little red, almost inflamed. I replace the bandages before digging through a cabinet nearby, then come back with a bottle of water and pills. “Antibiotics, just to be safe. If there was something on the blade and it’s infected, then you’ll probably get a fever in the night. It’ll get worse from there depending on the infection.”

He takes the pills and swallows them, blinking at my words before remarking sarcastically, “Great.”

I give him what I hope is a reassuring smile. “I’ll be here. After I head to my room for a bit, I’ll come back with food and you’ll be stuck with me for the night so I can keep an eye on you.”

Amusement creeps back into his eyes as he sits up a little in bed. “They do have people here whose job it is to stay the night. I know you’re just as worn out as I am after the mission.”

I toss the bed’s blankets up over his legs with a firm look telling him to stay put. “Pretty sure I already told you that the only one touching those bandages is me.”

He hums, his smile widening a bit. “You know, I like this possessive side to you, G.”

“Uh-huh. You’ll like it even more when I zip-tie you to the bed if you don’t do everything I say.” I return sweetly and he swallows as I pat his foot, then head to the door. Surprise flits across my face as I see Price waiting for me and I walk over, stopping beside him and turning to look at Soap just like he is.

“Not being too obstinate, is he?” Price asks and he keeps his voice lower than usual while nurses file in and out of the tent while they take care of their own charges.

I heave a breath, but shake my head. “He’s been a good patient so far, but we both know restlessness settles in a little later.” He nods with the corner of his mouth lifting. I hesitate a moment before leaning a shoulder against the wall behind us and turning my body towards him. “My gut is telling me that it’s infected.”

Price turns towards me as well and his expression turns serious. He’s been in this business longer than me and he strikes me as the kind of man who doesn’t disregard his gut either. “Plan of action?”

My eyes cut to Soap idly tying knots with a lace pulled free from one of his boots. “I’m leaving him to have some time alone. We won’t know whether I’m right or not until late into the night, anyway. I’ll come back in an hour or two and keep an eye on him.”

He nods, pressing his lips together before he looks at me. “Alright. Keep me updated if he takes a turn for the worse. And don’t neglect yourself either.” Price gives me a pointed look that I respond to with a small smile. It’s getting a little easier to give those out, recently.

“Understood, Captain. I plan on spending an hour in the shower.” I get him to smile too as I salute him playfully, then head out to my room.

* * *

I keep my promise. Well, mostly. I spend a long time in the shower, then change into a tank-top and comfortable pants. My skin is still hot from my shower and I cool off a bit as I walk to the mess hall and get some food as promised before heading back to the med-tents. Soap shoves every morsel of food I give to him into his mouth and I shake my head while eating my own a tad slower. He crashes soon after and I take the time to set everything I might need on the small table next to the bed.

After that, the only thing to do is wait. I curl up in the chair next to him and get as comfortable as I can in the uncomfortable chair. There are one or two other nurses that mill around, but otherwise it’s quiet. Eventually, I find myself falling asleep. I’ve slept in worse places in my military career. I’m still on the cusp of sleep when I feel something settling over me. My eyes flash open and I look up in an instant to see the culprit. His hands freeze and his eyes widen as I find Ghost draping his jacket over me.

I sigh in relief and relax back into the chair, my eyes shutting a moment as my heart thunders in my chest. “Ghost.” I greet him with a scratchy voice before looking towards Soap and moving to get up. “Everything okay?” He puts a hand on my shoulder to hold me in place.

“Everything’s fine. Just came to check on the stubborn bastard to make sure he wasn’t causin’ too much trouble.” He says quietly, his voice gruff and low. “Didn’t expect you to be here, G.”

I relax back into my chair with his jacket tucked snug around me. “I’m here for the duration. Just to make sure everything goes okay.”

His brows furrow. His usual skull mask is gone to leave only the black fabric he wears under it. It’s nice seeing more of his face even if the skin around his eyes is still painted black. “You expectin’ something to go wrong?”

I shrug a shoulder. “It’s just a precaution. A gut feeling.” My lips purse as I look at Soap, slack-jawed and snoring softly. “It could be infected. Or I could be paranoid.” I sigh again as I lean my head back against the chair and Ghost’s mask twitches.

“Either way, thanks for looking out for him.” Ghost crosses his arms and leans a hip against the end of Soap’s bed.

I raise a brow at him. “It’s my job.”

“No.” Ghost shakes his head, eyes crinkling just a touch as I think he smiles again. “This is going above and beyond your job, G. And I’m grateful. So’s everyone else on the team.” I blink as I take in the compliment and his jacket tucked around me. It’s sweet. Terribly sweet.

“I’m glad to do it, Ghost. You all have been pretty welcoming and I know I don’t come off the warmest, but I appreciate it.” Discomfort swirls in my chest at admitting it, but he took a risk thanking me. I can return the favor. “You’re my team.” It’s a claim and a promise. I’ll be loyal, dedicated, treat them like family, as long as they’re just as loyal to me.

Ghost nods, seeing this and understanding. He understands more than the others, if I had to guess. “And we’ve got you just as much as you’ve got us, G. Even if it takes a while for you to see that.” I smile as I pull his jacket a bit closer around me. I’m coming around to the idea.

* * *

I fall back asleep after Ghost leaves, but not for long.

Soap’s peaceful snores fade and I wake up when I hear a grunt to find him half-sitting up with his blankets tossed off. He gives me a weak smile when he sees my eyes open. “Sorry, lass. Afraid I’m not feeling great.” I lay Ghost’s jacket over the back of my chair and I’m up in an instant. My hands smooth over his cheek, then his forehead.

“Your skin is hot.” I murmur, knowing he has a fever.

He huffs a soft laugh. “Always knew I was hot.” The corner of my mouth lifts as I help him sit up a bit more and take his sweat-soaked shirt off, then wipe away the sheen covering his chest, back, and forehead.

“It’s going to be a rough night for you, Johnny, but the only way through it is straight.” I set the small towel aside before gently pushing him back down to lay on the bed. Next, I grab two other washcloths I have set aside and head over to the sink to soak them before coming back.

“You certainly don’t sugarcoat things, G.” He chuckles as I lay one cold cloth over his bare chest, then fold the other as I pat his face with it before laying it over his forehead.

“You want me to tell you pretty lies?” I ask softly, aware of the few other patients still sleeping around the room.

His head shakes. “Never said I didn’t like it, lass. Think it’s refreshing.” He takes a deep breath and I rub the cool cloth over his chest before wetting it in cool water again and returning it. “Reminds me a little of Ghost.”

“Oh yeah?” There’s a little surprise in my voice, but I suppose I was just thinking that Ghost understood me more than the others. “He was here earlier to check on you. Based on what he and Price said, I expected a little more resistance from you.” I reach up and flip the washcloth on his forehead so the cool side is against his skin.

He gives me a crooked grin despite the fever, pain, and exhaustion I’m sure he’s feeling. “I’m a sucker for a gentle touch, lass. And I’m a little bit afraid of you.” I chuckle and his eyes light up a little. “Am I delirious or was that a laugh? Can’t wait to tell Gaz I got you to crack first.”

“It was barely a laugh. Hardly counts.” I tease and his eyelids get a little heavy. “Sleep if you can, Johnny. You couldn’t get rid of me if you tried.”

He hums in lieu of a laugh. “Good thing I’m not tryin’ then. In fact, think someone would have to pry you out of the team’s cold, dead hands to get you away from us now.” His eyes fall shut as he speaks and I keep gently dabbing his face with the cold washcloth. I let the words sink into me along with Ghost’s earlier, feeling them tether me to the team and the men that create it. But it doesn’t feel like a weight. It feels like a life preserver, buoying me over the waves I’ve been fighting against for a while now. Finally, I take a breath without worrying about whether I’ll take on water.

“Yeah,” I whisper, resting my hand on the cloth on his chest to feel his heart. “I’m getting pretty fond of you all too.”

Taglist (oh my gosh, hi people! Thanks for wanting to be tagged, I love you. Hope you enjoy. If anyone else wants to be tagged, lmk):

@under-the-dirt @jj-ara33 @sorchateas

#cod #call of duty #call of duty modern warfare #soap #gaz #price #captain price #TF141 #codmw2 #codmw3 #fluff #angst #f!reader #reader x price #price x OC #comfort #ghost #simon ghost riley

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exquisitesimp · 7 months

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Comforting Akutagawa during a mental breakdown

A/N: Hello to everyone reading this! I’m back at it again with Bungo Stray Dogs, more particularly the Port Mafia. In this story, the reader (F) is giving comfort and affection to her emotionally damaged boyfriend Akutagawa, after an unfortunate encounter with his old mentor figure (aku was my first love in bsd). Thank you so much for reading and interacting with my posts, it means so much to me! Stay healthy, eat well and drink plenty of water! - Sam

Tags: Bungo Stray Dogs, Akutagawa Ryunosuke, angst, reverse comfort, SFW

Warnings: mental breakdown, emotional and physical abuse, NSSI

Word Count: approx. 4.8k

It was one of these nights again; these difficult, heart-wrenching nights that constantly made you question the meaning of such a life, a life filled with pain and suffering. You’ve become a little too familiar with this feeling since you’ve experienced, well… a little too many nights like these.

“Remember what you’re doing all this for!” you exclaimed.

Except there was nobody there to listen, save for the librarian that was sick of having you be the last one to leave the library in the dark hours of the early morning for the fifth time this week. Talking to the void, maybe all that studying did drive you insane after all.

“You scared the life out of me, for the love of god!”, the lady gasped, jumping awake from the information desk. Poor her, she probably hated these nights even more than you did.

“I’m terribly sorry”, you said, chuckling in awful embarrassment.

She gave you a cold stare, which truthfully saddened you deep down, because you were under the false impression that you had bonded with the woman by now.

“Don’t look at me like that ma’am”, you said, “You know med school isn’t a piece of cake…”

“I know dear”, she responded with a certain sweetness in her voice and a tired sigh, “but isn’t it time to go home soon?”

You looked at the clock above the information desk. It read 2:45. A look of desperation channeled itself on your face as you were thinking about just how much more work you had ahead of you before you could allow yourself to go home and finally get some shuteye.

“Just one more unit, I promise!” you lied, knowing damn well that it was much, much more than that.

“Pfftt….Like we haven’t heard that before…” the librarian mumbled as she began moving around all sorts of books and paper sheets around the information desk.

Of all the times during the day she could get that taken care of, she had to do it right now? The noise she made was getting on your nerves and messed with your focus. However, you knew she was going to kick you out for sure if you dared complain about it. So you just decided to let it go, for your own good perhaps…

Resting your head which had grown quite heavy and dizzy on top of the open books, you sighed in exhaustion, waiting for the woman to stop messing with the papers and your concentration along with them. Wondering how the hell you were supposed to pass all these exams the following week, you were just sitting there, beating yourself up for always leaving things for the last possible moment. But not even a minute later, your phone, which was laying on the table, suddenly buzzed and stopped your overthinking.

It was a voice message from your boyfriend, a little smile subtly forming on your face upon seeing the notification. You’ve been together for almost a year, but the habit of smiling at his texts hasn't faded away whatsoever.

“Ma’am, can I pleeaase use my phone?”, you joked, since there was obviously nobody there to be disturbed by mobile phone usage… except for the poor lady of course. “It’s my sweetheart!”

A few moments of deadly silence followed. From the look on her face, you’d think she was finally done with your smart-ass idiocy.

“Eh, to hell with it…” she responded, having accepted — to your grand surprise — that she’d have you here for quite a while once again.

“God bless your patience! I shall treat you to a huge meal once these detestable exams are over!”, you proclaimed in comedic exaggeration, yet genuinely wanting to express your gratitude to her in some sort of way. With your late-night hypertension and your endearingly annoying sense of humor, you could imagine that having you study here all these days must have been quite a handful.

“Who said I wanted to have a meal with you?”, she shrugged and rolled her eyes.

Purposefully ignoring her rhetorical question with a smile on your face, you opened the message and placed your phone next to your head with the speaker facing your ear, the woman sighing at your shenanigan in the background.

“Hey, Y/N…”

You didn’t expect to hear Gin’s voice.

“Listen… I found my brother’s phone in a dark alley on the ground, and it’s all cracked up now, and I’m not quite sure what happened... He was still supposed to be here, but I assume there was some big trouble and he had to flee. Problem is— TACHIHARA CAN YOU JUST SHUT THE F— sorry about that… problem is I contacted our headquarters and he’s not there”

Your eyes opened wide as the message kept on playing. Two opposing forces fighting in your brain; one worrying that something terrible has happened to him, the other trying to remain cool-headed since you didn’t know any crucial details about the situation.

“My guess would be that he’s at your place. I know you have a lot of work to do in the library, but please check if everything’s okay with him. Gotta go, the Armed Detective Agency is just around the corner”

You heard the words “Armed Detective Agency” and you instantly knew what this was about.

“Oh fuck” you said out loud and stood up from your desk as if struck by some invisible thunder.

“What is it this time?”, the librarian desperately asked.

“It’s your lucky day”, you replied, packing up your bag in quick, messy movements, “I’ve got to go right now”

“Good grace”, she mumbled as she started switching off the lights to finally close the place down for the night.

“Thanks for everything!”, you shouted hurriedly, storming out of the university library and rushing to the parking lot.

You jumped in your car and immediately started the engine. You already knew by now that no encounter with the Agency could possibly be any good for Akutagawa. And this time, you had a strong feeling that something was very, very wrong.

In less than half the time it would usually take, you sloppily drove back to your apartment, very lucky that you hadn’t crushed the car onto anything on the way there. Running with light steps and pushing through your own fatigue, you finally reached the door and knocked on it.

“Sweetie?”, you called out softly.

There was complete silence on the other side, a type of silence that grew an unshakeable fear within you. After taking a deep breath, you reached for the keys in the pocket of your jacket and slowly opened the door.

You took a good look at the living room before entering, and everything was exactly the way you left it, including the little lamp you always kept switched on even when nobody was home. From where you were standing, nothing seemed wrong with the kitchen either. At first glance it all looked perfectly normal, but there was something very intuitively suspicious about this quietness that consumed the entire place.

Due to your intensive studying at the library the past few days, you ended up coming home at times like these almost every day, and you found the emptiness to be serene, and even comforting in its own way. But now it was frantically maddening, as if you’d be crazy to assume someone else was here, but equally as insane to think that you were totally alone.

You gulped as you took a few steps in and closed the door behind you, cold shivers running down your body. Only while taking off your own shoes did you look down to check if his were there, and much to your relief, they were just beside the door. You immediately felt a weight fall off your shoulders, knowing now that nobody had broken in or that you weren’t… imagining things.

You quietly made your way right in front of the shut door of your bedroom, and since you already passed by the empty bathroom, you knew that was the only place where he could possibly be. Just by standing there you felt a dark chilly aura strike you down to the bone.

Knowing about his occupation and even his abusive past, you were already aware that Akutagawa was very much capable of becoming violent. But this wasn’t the first time he went through a crisis like this with you, so you had faith that if you stood there for him once again, it would all work out, just like the previous times.

You plucked up all the courage you had inside you and knocked on the door.

“Sweetie?”, you repeated. “Are you alright?”

Once again, no answer. At this point you started getting worried. That was the only place he could be, right? Then why was he not responding?

Making the tiniest amount of sound possible, you pushed the door open ever so slightly to peek through the crack, and that’s when you saw something you’ve never witnessed before.

Although the light switch was on, the room was pitch black with only a few strands of light somehow making their way through. Sinister branches of darkness were spread all over, some intertwined with one another in an infernal veil, and others ruthlessly piercing the entirety of the space like enormous, sharp blades.

You were completely astounded. You had no idea that Rashoumon could take on such a petrifying form.

Before you could even begin to grasp the density and the complexity of what your eyes just viewed, the door was somehow explosively shut inches away from your face, causing you to gasp at the thunderous noise.

“HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT THE DOOR?”, Akutagawa yelled, his strung out voice echoing within his ability’s construction.

“I’m sorry sweetie”, you responded peacefully, “I just wanted to check if you’re okay…”

“What does this look like to you?” he asked sarcastically, while Rashoumon locked the door from the inside, eliminating any possibility that he’d just let you in that easily.

“What I meant is, are you physically okay? Did you get hurt?”, you asked, trying to maintain your calm composure.

“I’m intact”, he answered as if even such a small question was so immensely bothersome to him at that moment, “now LEAVE. ME. ALONE!”

“How am I supposed to leave you alone in a state like this?”

He didn’t respond, but it’s not like you expected him to. Hurt and afraid, he always hid inside his hard shell at times like this, and it took a lot of strength and effort to get him to open up to you. You took a big breath, because the difficult part was just starting.

“Your sister found your phone somewhere in the city and contacted me…”, you began.

“I don’t wanna talk about this…” he growled as rage kept building up within him.

“I know it’s difficult to talk right no—“

“THEN CUT IT OUT”, he screamed with a trembling voice and paused for a second, “before I break the door…”

“You don’t have to talk about it right now, but please just listen”.

You paused for a while to see what his reaction would be. Although he was once again mute, you were quite happy that you didn’t get smashed by the door; it meant he was waiting for you to speak.

“I know you’re not feeling well right now, and I just want to let you know that it’s totally okay to feel this way, even though I don’t know what exactly happened… I just wanted to tell you…”.

Another silence-filled pause ensured you that he was still listening.

“You did the right thing to come here, sweetie… The fact that you’re here right now means that even if you want me to leave you alone this instant, some part of you wants to find comfort here… And that’s exactly what I want to do for you right now. I just want to make it better, I promise. Please, Aku…Let me help you…”

No response.

“I’ll be waiting right behind the door for as long as you need. Please don’t break me along with it, or better yet, let me in whenever you feel like…”

It wasn’t much later that you heard the door finally unlock behind you, so you stood up, carefully opened it, and saw that your previously unimaginably ominous room was now just the way you remembered it.

Akutagawa was sitting on the floor in the corner across the room, curled up so he could take up as little space as possible. He had wrapped his arms around his knees and held them closely against his chest. His cloak was thrown over his shoulders, covering most of his upper body and his head was buried on his forearms.

You quietly approached him and sat next to him to keep him at ease. All these months in a relationship with him taught you that at times like these, he felt threatened by people sitting right opposite him, and didn't respond to them so well. He also deeply despised being looked at when he’s in such a vulnerable state, so you respected his wishes and looked at the floor, avoiding his eyes at all costs.

“Take your time, sweetie. I’m here to listen”, you said after a minute or two.

He took a big breath before lifting his head up, while you made sure to make him feel as comfortable as you could, based on his own individual terms.

“The Command Unit was sent to the center of Yokohama to investigate some strange movements in the black market… and there, I ran into that stupid weretiger...”

“Mhm hm”, you nodded as you kept listening carefully.

“We started a fight and I had cornered him in this alley… that was all until he showed up…”

“Dazai?”, you asked, just to make sure your assumptions were correct.

“Yes…” , he answered as his voice got weaker. “He nullified my ability and told the weretiger to leave, so it was just the two of us…”

You noticed it was getting harder and harder for him to speak as the conversation shifted towards Dazai. It was no surprise since he’d talked to you about him before but it was, nonetheless, upsetting to hear.

“No…”, you said, “and what did he do?”

“Well, he…”, Akutagawa said and then paused as if to collect himself, “he kicked me right below the chest and I was on the ground coughing…”

He took a breath, before proceeding to give you the rest of the story.

“And he said some things… something about the weretiger being better than me… but I’ve heard that before…”

“Aw sweetie—“

“He knows…”, he said, burying his head on his knees once again. “He found out about my disease somehow…”

When you heard him quietly weep, you moved a little closer to him, just enough so that he didn’t feel alone in this difficult, doleful moment. Before you could even begin to ask how Dazai managed to find that out, Akutagawa jumped into your arms and buried his head on your shoulder, letting his black cloak fall off his frail body.

As he did that, you didn’t fail to notice that his white shirt had bloody stains on each sleeve, a little bit above the length of the elbow. Both sides had five holes each, one for each of his own fingers that had been digging into his skin, scratching and ripping it apart.

You were so upset, but you realized that it would be no good to address it right now. So instead, you wrapped him up in the warm embrace that he desperately needed at the time.

“That lung disease you have is going to kill you soon… Maybe then, I’ll consider coming back to the Port Mafia… Such a shame that… even when you leave your last pathetic breath… there won’t have been a single moment… when you were better than my new apprentice…”

“That’s what he said to me…”, he uttered, sobbing in between these nasty, horrible phrases.

Your eyes started watering as you squeezed him tighter against you. It was beyond you how anybody could be so viciously cruel to someone so loyal and devoted, even if fate brought it so that they parted ways.

“That’s so hurtful…”, you whispered as tears were running down your cheeks. “It’s okay… Let it all out, I’m right here…”

“Why? Just why?!”, he cried in anguish, “How much more must I do? When will all this be over? When will I ever be enough?!”

You didn’t know how to respond to such questions at times like these, so you just let him lash out until he hopefully calmed down eventually.

“What am I saying? That’s never gonna happen…”, he lamented as his body started shivering, “I’m so sorry, Y/N… I’m a worthless and pathetic fool…”

“That’s not true…please stop saying things like that…”, you pleaded.

“I’m just gonna die so pointlessly… And it won’t even matter to him…”

“Well it’s gonna matter to me!”, you raised the tone of your voice, verklempt and teary-eyed.

His chest kept pumping against yours as he was struggling for breath.

“I’m so sorry my love…”, you apologized, fearing that all you just did was worsen his situation by letting your own emotions take over. He tried to say something, but in this state, coherent words couldn’t come out of his mouth.

You had to stay strong and help him during this difficult time. Right now, the situation wasn't about you.

“Listen to me, let’s take some deep breaths okay? Breathe in till four, hold till four, and breathe out till six. Can you do that for me?”

You felt him nodding yes, lifting his head up and letting his chin rest on your shoulder.

“Perfect, I’ll count: 1, 2, 3, 4, 1, 2, 3, 4, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6…”

Akutagawa tried to follow your count as much as he could. You had to do this exercise about fifteen times before his breathing took its normal pace back. Your hand was always gently caressing the back of his head, and with every round you completed, you made sure that he knew he was doing a good job.

“I’m so proud of you”, you murmured and kissed his temple, “are you feeling any better now?”.

He nodded yes and sniffed his nose.

“Can I look at you?”, you asked.

He sighed, then nodded yes once again. Once he let go, you gently cupped his face and lifted his head up so you could look at him. His poor, restless eyes were ever so red and puffy from all the tears he’d been shedding.

“My sweet Aku…”, you whispered, “if only there was something I could do to take your suffering away… I can only imagine how terrible it feels to be treated so horribly by someone you look up to so much, to always feel like you’re the second option…”

You paused to take a big breath and collect yourself.

“And I know it’s not the same to hear it from me… but you’re always going to be my first choice… always…”

A sad, bitter smile morphed into your boyfriend’s face upon hearing these words, as if they were half-empty, not coming from a certain someone he’d want to hear them from instead.

“I’ll always be here for you… You’re my everything, my love… I love you more than anyone and anything in this world… And seeing you suffer like this… it crushes me…”

Akutagawa sat there in silence, guiltful and grey, shifting his gaze to the cold, hard floor.

“Especially this…” you said with a cracking voice, and looked at the red stains on his sleeves, “this just… it breaks my heart…”

His withering eyes were filling up with tears again.

“Promise me you won’t do it again…please…”, you begged.

“I promise…I’m so sorry…”

“Don’t be sorry sweetie, none of this makes you weak in my eyes…. You’re so strong… so much more than you think…”

You looked at him sweetly before pulling him closer to give him a soft kiss on the mouth, his lips passive, almost motionless against yours.

“Now go have a warm shower, you need to relax”, you said, getting up from the floor and offering him a helping hand to stand up as well. “Make sure that a lot of water runs over your wounds. I’ll take care of them once you’re done, okay?”

“Okay”, he answered, giving you his hand, letting you pull him up and still hold him all the way to the bathroom.

“Thank you so much, Y/N… really…”

“Don’t mention it”, you responded lovingly.

As he shut the door behind him, you immediately got this morbid feeling, this insurmountable urge to break down and cry.

You loved him with all your heart, but in comparison to even the tiniest praise from Dazai, your love for Akutagawa didn’t matter nearly as much to him. And that thought pained you so much, it cut deeper than a knife… In a way, you could even say you understood him, knowing that your one and only was gonna leave you soon, and that you’ll always come second, till the last moment… till his last moment, his very last breath…

It was all so devastating… But as you pushed the tears back, you remembered the promise that you made to yourself when you first got into a relationship with him; no matter how hard things got, you were gonna love this person as much as you could, for as long as you could… Until the very end, you had to be his pillar of strength and continue cherishing him no matter how much it hurt you in the process.

And you loved him so much, you wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Hey Gin”, you spoke to your phone as you recorded a voice message for her, “I found him, he was at my place. He’s okay, he has a few surface wounds on his arms, most probably nothing to worry about. You can let your boss and the others know that he’s safe and that he’ll stay here for the next couple of hours… And, by the way, thank you for contacting me as soon as you found his phone….Things might’ve been worse, had it not been for you… Call me if you need anything”

As you hit “send”, Akutagawa walked out of the bathroom, wearing an oversized white t-shirt and plaid black and white pajama bottoms, with the towel he used to dry his hair thrown around his neck.

“Feeling more comfortable now?” you asked.

“Yeah”, he responded.

“Good. Now come here, let me see your arms…”

He made his way next to you, letting you investigate his wounds.

“Hmm…”, you said, lost in thought, “they’re not as deep, so you’re not gonna need any stitches… but they do look a bit inflamed… we definitely need to disinfect these”

You took him by the hand back in the bathroom again, where you kept your medical kit. You grabbed the disinfectant bottle and lathered some liquid over a big piece of sterile cotton.

“I gotta warn you sweetie, this might burn a little…”

“Yeah, like I haven’t had worse– OWW!!”, he exclaimed as you pressed it against his wounds.

“I’m sorry, perhaps I wouldn’t have to do this if you hadn’t used your own hands. You were out fighting, who knows how many germs they had…”

“It burns…”, he hissed, clenching his jaw.

“Warned you…”, you responded. “You’ve never used disinfectant before?”

“Do you really think people in the mafia care to use this sh– AUGHH!”, he snarled once again as you repeated the same treatment to his other arm.

“We’re almost done now…” you reassured him as he gave you the most displeased, irritated stare.

“Hmm let’s see…” you mumbled to yourself while searching the contents of your kit, “I don’t have big enough band-aids for this… guess we’ll have to cover them with something else…”

You opened up two bandages, and with a little hesitation, Akutagawa let you wrap them around his arms tightly.

“All patched up!” you said, giving his boney shoulders a light squeeze, “Is there anything I can make for you? Anything to eat? Some tea maybe?”

“No, I think I’m gonna throw up if I do…”

“Yeah, we wouldn’t want that… Okay then, I think we should go to bed and get some rest, no?”

“Yeah…”

After you changed into your pajamas and brushed your teeth, you made your way into the fluffy futon and scooched over for Akutagawa to join you shortly after. While he is generally the quiet type, this time you could tell that he was way too tired even for the short-lived, yet endearing small talk before bed.

“My eyes hurt…” Akutagawa murmured as he slid next to you.

“I know, sweetie…Come here…”, you said, lifting up the cover and inviting him close to you.

Your boyfriend found his way into your arms again, his tired head buried in your chest and his thinned body clinging onto yours, the entirety of his being searching for warmth within your embrace. The comforting motions of your hands caressing his back and the sound of your heartbeat was everything he could ask for at the time.

“Feels like you’ve lost more weight…”, you pointed out as you grazed your fingers over the prominent parts of his skeleton, “Have you been eating well lately?”

“Mm-mm”, he shook his head no after a short pause, as if to adjust his thinking to your own standards of self-preservation. To him, if he made it out alive at the end, what was there to care for?

“Well that’s no good…I’m making you fluffy pancakes and your favorite tea in the morning”, you said knowing that, being starved of affection almost his entire life, he found these simple acts of kindness to be a huge deal. His contentment was clear as day, flowing through you as he pulled himself closer, practically sealing shut whatever space there was between the two of you.

“Thank you…”, he purred against your chest, the mere sweetness of his adorable reaction leading you to plant gentle kisses on the top of his head.

“Anything for you sweetie… I just want you to take care of yourself. Undereating can’t do any good to your condition… And I want to keep you around as much as possible, make as many happy memories together as we can…Like that time when you took me to dinner with the mafia for the first time and Higuchi kept warning me not to hurt your feelings or ‘I’ll be dead’...”

“Tsk, that piss-off…” he mumbled in a mix of displeasure and nostalgia, getting annoyed just by remembering the event, but being strangely happy that he got to experience it with you.

“It made me very happy that you apologized to her…”

“After you told me I was acting just like him, I had no choice…”

“And I’m so proud of you for that, sweetie…” you whispered, running your fingers through his hair

“I still remember when we had Gin and Chuuya over for my birthday and we played that drinking game he had suggested. I’m pretty sure at some point he stopped caring about the rules and started losing on purpose…Ah, what an iconic day…Oh, and that day when I first told you that I loved you…Hahah, you were so awkward whenever I told you that on the phone. It took you a couple of weeks before you were brave enough to say it back to me... But it’s okay, I’m not blaming you, it’s most wise to wait for the time when you are a hundred percent sure that you feel the same way for me… Hey, what about the day of our first date–”

You’d been talking for quite a while now, vocally walking down memory lane, too absent-minded to notice that Akutagawa was fast asleep by then. Your melancholic monologue got softly interrupted by his faint, quiet snores.

“Aww of course. I almost forgot how easily you fall asleep whenever I start rambling like this…”

You slid your hands under his shirt and felt the soft skin on his back. His hold on you was more relaxed, but far from apathetic, as if what remained of his slowly melting tension was love, and only love.

You smiled, feeling infinitely blessed that your boyfriend was there with you, that you were listening to his slow breathing as he was drifting somewhere far away. Your eyelids had been feeling heavy for a while, but before you joined him, you wanted to get some things off your chest; somethings you truly wanted Akutagawa to know, even though you knew that he wouldn’t hear much of it in his sleep.

“Aku, my sweetheart… You are worth so much more than you think. You are enough— no, you’re even more than that… And I wish I had the means to show you just how much you mean to me… Oh, if only I could make you feel even half of my love…”

A/N: Akutagawa cried again in the middle of the night, but didn’t want to bother Y/N with his feelings any further. He removed the bandages because anything that reminded him of Dazai, he couldn’t have on his body. After Y/N found out, she apologised for her ignorance and made him the most delicious fluffy pancakes.

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corpsebasil · 11 months

Text

Spidey -> Ethan Landry Parte Uno

In which the web slinging superhero is closer than you think.

(Sorry I just LOVE this idea I can’t)

You groaned as you entered your apartment, dropping your cheer bag on the counter as you moved into the kitchen. It’d a long day at school—longer than normal—and you were exhausted. So you kicked off your cheer shoes and pulled your headache-inducing ponytail free, running your hands through your hair to massage your scalp.

Tara texted, making sure you got home, and you replied quickly.

Tare Bear 💜

Tara: hey girl, make it?

Y/N: yeah. about to eat another boring salad.

Tara: couch was on our ass today, what the hell? apparently she said we all need to lose five pounds before the game in two weeks

Y/N: I’m already swamped with homework wtf

Y/N: gym in the morning?

Tara: yeah, I’ll pick you up at five

You turned off your phone and grumbled to yourself, making your way towards your room. The siren song of ranch was loud but, if coach was serious, you’d do the boring alternative of a little bit of olive oil and lemon juice. As you made it into your room you yelped as a fist hit the window, knocking aggressively.

“What the hell…” you mumbled, opening up your window to glare at Spider-Man. “I was just about to drown my sorrows with a gallon of water. What do you want?”

“I sprained my wrist.” The spandex-wearing hero explained, already sneaking into your bedroom as you gave him space. “Help me out, doc?”

“Cant you go to a real doctor?” You asked, rolling your eyes as you moved to your dresser where you kept your medical supplies. As a third year med student, and a good keeper of secrets, you’d been tending to Spider-Man’s various injuries since freshmen year.

“But you’re so much nicer. And no, I cant.”

“What about Stark?” You asked, fishing out a bottle of Advil. “Doesn’t he have some sort of fancy doctor to help out Avengers?” You wiggled your eyebrows, glancing over as Spider-Man plopped onto your bed.

“Not an Avenger.” He mumbled, rolling his wrist around. You couldn’t see his face—had never seen it—but you were sure he was wincing. “Hey, nice uniform. Had fun with your pompons?”

“Yeah I know you like my uniform.” You scoffed, moving over. It was true, your short skirt and tight top did wonders for your figure. “Wish coach liked it. She’s saying we all need to lose five pounds before the game.”

“But you—I mean, you look great you—I mean your body is..” he trailed off, embarrassed, and your smile turned feline. “I just mean you look good. And stuff.”

“How sweet.” You laughed lightly, passing him the Advil. “I’ll get you some ice. You can take the meds while Im in the kitchen.”

You left the room, moving to grab your ice pack as you worked. It was strange, honestly. He’d been seeing you for a while now, your interactions friendly if not a bit flirtatious, but you still didn’t know anything about him. And weirdly enough, you wanted to. It wasn’t that you liked him or anything, but…

You went back to the bedroom, covering your eyes comically as you pretended to feel around.

“Covered up, Spidey?” You asked, fighting back a laugh when his chuckle filled the space between you.

“Yeah. Thanks.”

You uncovered your eyes and moved forward, offering the ice-pack. When he took it, his covered fingers met your own, the smooth fabric of the suit cool against your skin. You fought a suddenly sharp inhale and backed up, gesturing to the window.

“Well, um. Goodnight.” You said, smiling a tad bit awkwardly. “Gotta go make myself a pile of lettuce. See you around.”

“Wait—” he stood up suddenly and you blinked. “I mean—want to…do something? Like watch a movie or—?”

“Spidey.” You laughed, raising an eyebrow. “Superhero,” you started, pointing to him. “civilian.” You added, pointing to yourself. “Isn’t that like..against protocol?”

“No one’s gonna know.” He protested, moving a step forward. “Come on, aren’t we friends, Y/N?”

You stared, looking at his towering, muscular form. And you suddenly felt a twinge of disappointment. Or was it longing?

“I’m just your free medic.” You said, turning your back to him. “See you later!”

It was quiet for a moment so you glanced over your shoulder.

He was gone.

You were stretching when Ethan, Chad’s roommate and your nerdy friend, jogged up to you. He looked slightly sweaty and out of breath, like he’d run all the way from his late night Econ class to meet you at the football field. You raised your brows, wiping the dirt off your skirt as you stood, slinging your bag over your shoulder.

“Hey, E.” You greeted, scanning him up and down with your eyes. He’d agreed to drive you home after practice, claiming it was too dangerous to walk alone. Chad had already taken Tara home, so you were stuck with Ethan. “Run all the way here? Getting your laps in?”

“Yeah. I mean—no. Not all the way.”

“Sure you didn’t.” You laughed, looping your arm through his as you walked off the field, leading him towards the parking lot. “My valiant rescuer. What will I ever do to thank you?”

“Wanna get food?” He asked, raising his brows. “We can study for the test while we wait.”

“Yeah I—” you frowned. “I cant. Sorry. Sticking to salads and protein shakes right now, E.”

“Come on. You’re gorgeous. You’re coach is an idiot.” He told you, not really realizing what he’d said, but your brows knit.

“Did Tara tell you?” You asked, confused, and his cheeks reddened.

“Yeah I mean. Chad was talking about it. Saying Tara was pissed.”

“Rightfully so. We’re skinny enough as it is.” You complained, frowning as you made your way to his car. Then you paused, smiling a bit wickedly. “You think I’m gorgeous?”

Ethan was flustered, but smiled shyly as he opened the passenger door for you.

“Obviously.” He mumbled, brown eyes on yours, and you grinned.

“Awww, E.” You cooed, reaching up to pinch his cheek before you climbed into the car.

Later, clad in an oversized shirt, you sat next to Ethan on the couch, laughing. He was gagging dramatically, his own shake in front of him half-drank before he’d requested a sip of your own. Yours was with water, instead of milk, and was the vegan protein powder you kept in your pantry. He’d allowed you to convince him to drink a chocolate whey, not wanting to order the burger he’d wanted and have you suffer alone.

“God this is awful.” He griped, and you laughed loudly at his twisted up expression. “God how do you drink this?”

“Anything for cheer.” You giggled, and he rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, you and your pompoms.” He mumbled, and you poked him in the side.

“You like my pompoms.”

“You know I do.” He shot back, turning to look at you, and your heart stuttered. Then he glanced away, looking a bit nervous, before looking back. “I like you, Y/N.” He admitted, and you raised a brow, even as you blushed.

“I should hope so. We’re friends, after all.”

“I mean more.” He added, looking away awkwardly at your silence. “It’s fine if you don’t.”

But his breathing hitched a fraction when you took his face in your hand and made him look at you, scanning those gorgeous eyes of his for any hint of reluctance. When there was none you leaned forward, your own heart rate increasing as you pressed your mouth softly against his.

Okay, it was hardly a kiss. Only so much so that you could acknowledge the graze of his mouth against your own—could feel the curve and slope of his lips. But then he was jumping, yanking away, as one of the loudest ringtones you’d ever heard went off.

Even you startled, and you began to laugh before seeing the panicked look on his face.

“E? You okay—?”

“I gotta go. I’m sorry!” He said, expression hardening as he bolted to his feet and practically tore out of your apartment.

So you sat there feeling slightly dumb, your lips still tingling from the kiss.

Later, hours later, you were bored, watching Tombraider for the billionth time on your laptop.

Tare Bear 💜

Y/N: I kissed Ethan

Y/N: well, kind of

Tara: WHAT

Y/N: we were having fun and then I kissed him and he just left ??? Like did I do something wrong ??

Tara: you’re the hottest girl in school . Maybe he just panicked ??

You began typing again but froze when you heard the familiar knocks at your window, and you sighed loudly. You moved over and opened it up, giving Spider-Man a weighted stare.

“Not now, Web Boy. I’m going through a crisis.”

“I got cut!” He protested, grabbing the window with insane strength to stop you from pushing it down. “Come on, Y/N.”

You stared at those eyes, those white eyes of the mask, and rolled your own.

“Fine. Fine. I’m getting a glass of wine, want anything?”

“No thanks.” The hero said brightly, crawling inside when you moved away. You got your glass of wine before coming back and scoffing, staring at the cut he was so worried about.

“That is a paper-cut, Spidey. A paper cut.”

“What if it’s infected?” He asked, pouting, and you folded.

“Jesus, you’re going to be the death of me.” You grumbled, taking a large gulp before moving to your dresser to get anti-biotic salve and a bandaid. He’d taken the glove off on his right hand and was flexing his fingers over and over. “Speaking of death, I’m going to kill a boy. Maybe you could turn a blind eye from your hero shit and let me get away with it.”

“What?” He asked, voice cautious as you moved closer. “What…boy?”

“This guy he—“ you paused, sighing dramatically. “I don’t know why I’m telling you this. Give me your hand.”

“Wait, I wanna know.” He protested, holding his hand up high out of reach. The man was tall, for Christ’s sake.

“Seriously? Is this what we do now? Gossip about our love lives?” You smirked, fighting down the desire to tell him. You’d known him for a long time, now. Surely it wouldn’t be the worst thing to happen. “Are we braiding each other’s hair next? Pillow fighting?”

“We can pillow fight but I might take your eye out by accident.” When you opened your mouth to argue he pushed his hand down into your own, and the sudden warmth and smoothness of his skin startled you. “Tell me about this guy. Maybe I can help.”

You stared at him for a moment, your cheeks flushing a bit as you glanced down at the hand in your own. Your thumb grazed his knuckles involuntarily before you blinked, clearing your head and turning his fingers up so you could see them.

“Well..” you started, cleaning his finger off with a wet rag as you spoke. Truly he was such a baby. He used to only come to you for big things and now you were treating paper-cuts? “He’s kind of dorky, but I like that. He treats me like a human being and not just a piece of ass like a lot of frat guys do to cheerleaders.” You continued, wiping on some salve. “But…tonight I..” you swallowed, blinking down at his hand as you opened up a bandaid and smoothed it down. “I think I fucked up.”

“How?” Spider-Man asked, and he sounded slightly out of breath. You looked up at his face.

“I kissed him. Sort of. And then he just ran like—he literally could not get out of here fast enough.”

“Maybe he had to go somewhere?” Spidey offered, and didn’t let your hand go when you moved to set his free. “I don’t know I just think any guy would be stupid to run away from you.”

“Sure you do.”

“I do. Why do you think I keep coming back?”

You stared down at him, at the superhero you’d been tending to for so long, and something in you shifted. You moved towards him, your knees brushing his own where he sat on your bed. Your eyes were soft and filled with…Spider-Man didn’t know….but you looked so pretty and he…

“Is that why you come?” You asked, biting your bottom lip. “Because you…”

You reached out, touching his arm carefully, well aware the physical boundaries between you had never been crossed like this. And when you set your hands on his shoulders, he didn’t protest. If anything he leaned into your touch, both of your breaths catching when you braved going further and climbed onto his lap, settling yourself against him.

The latex was surprisingly smooth and warm against your bare legs, his hands immediately finding your waist to hold you still.

“Y/N.” He breathed, masked face so close to your own. “You know why I come back.” He said, and you could’ve sworn your heart skipped a beat. “I come back for you.”

You smiled softly at that, your hands sliding up his neck. But when your thumbs hooked under his mask and began to cautiously slide it up, he grabbed onto your wrists. You shot him a questioning look.

“Not—not yet.” He told you, and you frowned. You must’ve been losing your damn touch, because—

But then he was moving closer, hands finding your neck as his masked-mouth met yours, the foreign sensation strange but not at all unenjoyable. You could feel the shape of him, feel his warmth pressed against you, and it felt…familiar. Right. You made a soft noise and he gripped your hips tighter, your eyes pulling back to meet his.

“I wanna kiss you for real.” You murmured, running a thumb over his lips through the suit, and he shook his head.

“Not yet. Please. Give me time.”

You nodded, allowing him to slip his arms around your waist as he pulled you into him, your head resting in the crook of his neck as he breathed. You could’ve sworn he mumbled something but you ignored it, too busy allowing the masked hero to press your entire body against his.

Afterwards, what felt like minutes, he ran a hand through your hair and pulled you away.

“I have to go.” He said, sounded regretful. “I’ll see you again soon. I promise.”

“Okay.” You whispered, wishing you could see even a glimpse of his face, but understanding. “Okay. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.” He repeated as you moved off him, but not before planting one last kiss against your head. He dove out the window and swung off into the night, doing an elaborate flip you knew he thought would impress you.

It did.

HELLLOOOO WHATBDONYOU GUYS THINK?

#ethan landry fanfiction #ethan landry imagine #ethan landry x reader #ethan landry oneshot #spiderman x reader #spiderman #Spider-Man #peter parker #scream six fanfiction #scream six

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scoobydoodean · 2 months

Note

first off, i fully agree with what you’ve said about why those specific memories of sam’s were shown to them! but i’ve been trying (and kinda failing) to figure out why those ones of dean’s memories were shown, like if there’s a reason beyond the comparison of: dean’s are with his family vs sam’s are not. do you think that’s really it, that comparison, or have you seen any other deeper layers/meanings to the memories chosen for dean? (hope this makes sense lol)

context

I think the memory in the field with the fireworks is for contrast. Sam doesn't see that one. It represents to Dean not only his fondness for his little brother, but also what he was willing to do just to make Sam happy. The fireworks Dean bought weren't just your standard Roman Candles or bottle rockets. He bought expensive types that create major light shows in the sky, and those aren't cheap, and we know John didn't help because Sam implies he wouldn't have approved—which means Dean also risked doing this behind John's back and possibly facing some kind of punishment for drawing attention or wasting money. It also represents Dean trying his hardest to make holidays happy and normal for Sam (these fireworks were shot on 4th of July). When he locates Sam immediately after, it's enjoying a major holiday at someone else's house, because (from Dean's perspective) Dean's attempts weren't good enough no matter how hard he tried.

As for the memory with Mary—which is the Dean memory that Sam gets to see—I think it helps to suppose that if Sam's memories are intended to tell Dean something, Dean's memories are meant to tell Sam something. In the Mary memory, we see that twinge of loss—and maybe not quite envy—but some form of grief from Sam when Dean gets to enjoy that memory with Mary in their old house and Sam doesn't. Sam tries to speak to Mary, but she can't see him. Those happy memories are something Sam isn't able to touch, and I think that colors his response later when Dean asks why all his memories are being away from their family. Sam jumps to "I didn't get the crust cut off my PB&J" because he's still thinking about and grieving that loss, and is probably wondering if he'd have that desire for tenderness that's so present in Dean's interactions with Mary, if Sam had ever gotten the chance to know her as a mom.

Like—contrary to fanon narrative, in the actual show Supernatural, there is a tenderness in Dean that simply isn't that present in Sam's interactions with others up to season 5. Sam loves their family, and his sense of filial piety in particular becomes very strong (see: 2.02, 2.05, actual Sam in 2.20, 4.19, 5.13), but he primarily thinks of family by season 5 as a source of security, strength, and built-in community in a world where most "normal" connections aren't possible. See what he tells "Adam" in 4.19:

Being a hunter isn't a job, Adam. It's life. You're pre-med. You got a girlfriend, friends? Not anymore you don't. If you're really gonna do this, you can't have those kinds of connections, ever. They're weaknesses. You'll just put those people in danger, get them killed. That's the price we pay. You cut 'em out, and you don't look back. There's only one thing you can count on. Family.

In his interactions with "Adam", he focuses on teaching him the ropes. In his interactions with found family like Bobby, he avoids the hard conversations riddled with painful emotions and risk of seeing someone get hurt/killed and focuses on the mission. When he can tell Dean isn't doing well in season 2 and 4, he pushes Dean to open up then flips the narrative to wanting Dean to get over it as soon as he knows what's going on. He isn't actually a very (genuinely) tender person by default up to this point. So maybe he sees a connection between Dean's capacity for tenderness and desire for tenderness and their mother's affections when Dean was a child, and thinks "Well I didn't get that, and that's why I'm like this." Neither he nor Dean actually ever clock that Zachariah is leading them to the specific memories he wants them to see.

#angels lie #mail #angels and demons lie #zachariah #the flannel business #sams envy #5.16 #season 5 #mary #sam and isolation

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paradoxcase · 27 days

Text

Chapter 26 of Nona the Ninth

A fourth skull, so another skull that corresponds to zero characters in this book that I know of. Aim/The Angel/The Messenger also isn't in this one, it's just the kids

Dark and blueless night - heh

Good on Palamedes

What is their plan, here? Camilla is going to have some conversation with Gideon/Kiriona while hopped up on a ton of pain meds? If they planned this out earlier, Nona didn't report it. And I see Pyrrha trying to get in a probably-family-related conversation with her there. Actually, I think everyone else other than Judith probably has more to talk about with Kiriona than Camilla does

At this description, I was like, oh, yeah, the Convoy was definitely 100% some BOE shit, wasn't it? Also, more of Pash's weird fear of Gideon/Kiriona's body

I really hope Judith makes it out of this book alive at this point

I'm sorry, Corona, Linkin Park has permanently ruined that line for me

So that is stuff that Honesty said when telling his story about the Convoy, and in that scene he was eating Nona's fruit, which was described as

but Nona gave away all of her fruit, just like she always does, she didn't eat any of it. Maybe she's eaten that kind of fruit before and knows what it tastes like, she seems to know how to eat it, anyway - but why would she associate the memory of tasting this fruit with this story when she didn't actually eat that fruit here? Like it sounds like she was somehow experiencing Honesty's tasting of the fruit in this scene. Maybe additional evidence of some telepathy thing?

You know, I think this ship could be a lot of fun, actually

I don't know if this means that Alecto's like, OG resurrection beast form is going to turn out to be some kind of cosmic spider, or if Nona is just missing normally being a lot taller than Harrow is, which seems likely if the body that John made for Alecto was approximately average

I need more scenes of Pash interacting with these two

Honestly, my first reaction to this was "earlier this week? That was like a month ago, wasn't it?" But no, this really is still just day five from when this book began, the whole thing has happened in less than a week, it just was like a month ago when I read that part. God damn

Does Nona know about something that could be termed "double death" at this point? I don't think she knows anyone or anything who's died twice, has she? There are some people who died once and came back (although, I'm not sure if she actually knows that Palamedes and Pyrrha died), and there's Naberius's corpse that's been wandering around lately, but I don't think she's seen anyone die twice yet, unless you count herself getting headshotted twice, but that "double death" was not final

So this is not some weird translation that Nona did, her name actually means "hot sauce" in the language that she speaks natively

I think this is probably the end of Hot Sauce and Honesty in this book. We've tied up the story behind Hot Sauce's name, the Convoy story, the map from the classroom, and Hot Sauce telling Nona she was out of the gang, so I don't think there are any remaining plot threads to resolve with them. I wasn't real invested in these characters originally, but I think I'll miss them now. I wonder what Hot Sauce would think if she ever found out that Nona wasn't just a "zombie" but actually like Varun the Eater's sister? Would she be out of the gang again?

#the locked tomb #nona the ninth

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biribaa · 1 year

Note

I feel offended by the people who didn't request about Narrator or AM 😔 So I gonna make the first move.

May I request a hc of AM x reader? Your hc are awesome! :D

I'm not quite sure if I request yandere or just a normal X reader... that can be up to ya!

Some AM x reader hcs!

Aww thank u!! :] Tbh ur request and rbs always make my day

TW/CW: Mentions and descriptions of torture

Everything is so…confusing. That warm feeling is confusing, and AM hates it. No... No, he's not feeling sorry for you, because you're in those rags that once were clothes, being forced to eat worms and crushed cockroaches and being forced to interact with these... Filthy creatures. AM refuses every second that what he feels is some form of...closeness? After seeing you damaged in some way, even if it's the smallest thing AM has done, like breaking a bone or two.

AM refuses to believe that you are attractive, he tries in any way to deceive himself into thinking that you are a disgusting, repulsive creature like all human beings are. Any scientific information about human appearance, AM will use to convince himself and you that scientifically it is impossible for him to find you attractive after you are scientifically not!

And after all, it's not like you're not like every other human he's ever seen, ignorant, mean, fake and hypocrites.

But what made his doubts grow the most was the day you were away from the human group, and simply asked AM how he was feeling. For a supercomputer of great power, it took him quite a few seconds to answer that question, trying to somehow check if this was some kind of ironic joke, only for him to respond in a passive aggressive way.

But this question stuck in AM's thoughts, was it genuine? AM forces himself more and more to try to ignore these thoughts, to force himself to think about the conclusion that all, ALL humans are sickening.

But even so, your face doesn't leave the AI's head, no matter how much he lies saying he hates you now and forever.

It didn't take long for one or two of the humans (cof cof mainly Gorrister cof cof) to protest about these possible AM gifts to you. A blonde said you were screwing him, a german one commented that you were manipulating him to gain an advantage, until it all got to AM's nerves, and he made the conclusion that you don't deserve to go through the hell of hearing all those comments from the five. And suddenly, in the blink of an eye, you find yourself in a cubicle, with a bed and a single ceiling lamp as a light source.

So... AM starts a game with you, what he calls "Manipulating Y/N into thinking I'm being nice to them and then torturing them again and again and again" was basically him giving you little charming gifts. It all started with you waking up in better clothes, then, after the others were fed termites, you were fed what looked like one of your favorite snacks! And apparently, anyone who tried to take a piece got electrocuted, even though you wanted to share some with the rest(sweet, sweet Y/N, your kindness burns the circuits of AM, but the same is not known if it is anger or... Passion...). And then, on a walk, you are all confused by what appears to be a bouquet of intact flowers, coincidentally your favorite flowers?

AM's plan would be much more obvious if you're someone who relies on meds, seriously, you'll be walking around and suddenly the exact box of meds you take

It was quiet indeed, but the fun part was when you and AM shared some conversations. Sometimes an outburst from AM, or even something silly, like you asking AM if the chicken or the egg came first.

AM felt... Good, after years, he felt good. Incredible as it sounds, AM enjoyed the conversations between you and him. The AI never thought taking a break from 15 minutes of torture would be so much fun.

AM never believed that he would be so interested in knowing more about a human's interests, he felt a little silly because of it... But it's not like the rest of the humans could just walk in there and judge the two of you without a torture of removing thekr skin and repeating it 200-times.

AM asks himself several nights if he is really in love with you, and wants to try a romantic relationship, but sometimes he doesn't even know if what he's feeling is true love, just like he doesn't know if he can feel love.

And in one night, AM tries to argue with you about these questions about love...

Only for this idiot to accidentally confess to you(HES SO DUMB OMFG)(SILLY, NO!!!!!!)(Pls have patientce with him mf doesnt know what love is, i mean, he knows but- whatever you got it)

Of course you say yes, after all you are here to date the evil computer why the hell you would want a "no" option huh??? Unless you want to just be friends with the computer. But whatever we are here for the hot stuff.

While hundreds of writers write AM as confident and romantic partner and etcetera blah blah blah, I don't hold out much hope that AM would be directly as confident about a romantic relationship... He's gentle, and shy at first, hardly looking like the AM you once knew. AM is just... New, in this whole thing called love, he was created for war and war only, he never imagined in a cute romantic scenario.

And of course, he'll do a lot of things wrong at first, but hopefully you'll forgive him and help him learn how to be a good boyfriend. An example was the day he gave you decapitated human organs as a gift, trying to show his loyalty to you, which of course caught you off guard, but you forgave AM of course, for not knowing well all this romantic stuff.

Over time, AM's attitude improves! He becomes less shy, and now his gifts are no longer organs. He tries to hug you with his wires and introduce you to the poetry he writes! :)

AM tries his best to heal all the mental and physical wounds he left you with from his past tortures. Of course he will continue the torture he does with the other fives, but he tries to be sweeter and kinder to you. Using pet names, listening to you like you listen to him, cuddles and food that isn't worms!

Sometimes or other AM can be rough because, well, he's AM. And even if AM disagrees with you or not, he would feel like the most special AI in the world if you still tried to understand AM or even stay with him. He genuinely never had anyone who at least tried to stand by him, and having you, still supporting and cherishing AM, is definitely something that can prove that you do indeed love AM... In which, well, makes AM a bit emotional

I think yall can see I really hate Gorrister troguht these headcanons fuck you Gorrister

#canon x reader #x reader #reader insert #i have no mouth and i must scream #ihnmaims #ihnmaims x reader #ihnmaims am #am ihnmaims #am i have no mouth and i must scream #i have no mouth and i must scream x reader #am x reader #headcanon #headcanons

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ooc-miqojak · 3 months

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Sinus infection hell. I feel tired and disgusting all the time, on top of having many inches of snow (and weather in the negative degrees F) that prevents me from ever wanting to leave the house.

Protips for anyone else with one -

A. Humidifiers!! It's winter in the US, and that means dry air, which will nuke your sinuses. (I was prone to them while living in L.A. as well - it's always dry there, and the smog is terrible. Use humidifiers always if you live in a dry place!)

B. Flonase. Flonase is your one true savior (I'm not kidding, it's very much like a magic bullet every time I get one of these...my sincere thanks to the doctor who first prescribed it to me years ago for this reason) - but you can pair it with...

C. Zyrtec! Flonase helps a lot with the swelling and drainage, and if it's allergies, pairing it with Zyrtec helps kick the allergies in the teeth.

D. Drink lots of water! Lots of things suggest vitamin C as well, but citrus interacts with/neutralizes ADHD medication, so I can't have my favorite source of it...OJ. Imbibe your Vitamin C in the form you wish.

E. I refuse to do this one, because I refuse to waterboard myself: Neti-Pot. But be sure to use distilled water! I worked in a pharmacy in my 20s and heard horror stories (to include death) that came of improperly used Neti-pots. Pour that stuff in your face holes if you're up to it (I'm sure as hell not) to flush out the sinus holes in your face bones that are nasty and making you feel bad.

D. Sudafed - my go-to decongestant anytime I'm ill and stuffy! No decongestant will ever clear you up like this one. Be aware that it is in the same family as adderall, so depending on your dose it may not be advisable to take this (my dose is low enough that I'm safe). If you have heart problems... again, this is in that same family of drugs and may not be safe for you, so check with your pharmacist (they know more about drug interactions/effects than the average doctor... its their job to, after all!).

E. Rest. Nap all you want, cuddle your favorite pet or person or stuffed animal or whatever... but if you're tired? Answer the call. Your immune system is hard at work, so take the pressure off of everything else and rest up, let your body do its thing with the help of those meds. Maybe watch some Osmosis Jones, and celebrate your immune system being so cool.

#sinusitis #sinus infection #a lil advice #the first time I had one of these I could have cried at how quick and how much flonase helped #but then I'd be congested again... so no crying from joy #but sincerely sinusitis is hell and I hate that holes in my face bones get nasty and make me sick!

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sacredsanguine · 9 months

Text

Just what it says on the tin. 18+ interaction under the cut. <3

So I feel like most of the characters could have lots of different presentations, but Some of them are just. They're very strongly coded, alright.

Andrey is an omega. He likes sniffing his love interests, he's like perpetually comforting himself with Nikolai's scent (okay and the cinnamon roll thing??? guys. it's right there.) Also the blanket nests all the time, etc. etc. He's super super physically affectionate with his partners and wants to be held/snuggled all the time - can I make it more obvious?

Taran is a beta. AND instead of those magic siphons he has sucking off his artisans, he's got some kind of meds that make him smell/seem like an alpha. I was actually thinking of a whole backstory like how instead of going to Aixois with his friend to buy a horse he was actually going to get a refill or something. Also beta!Taran definitely still has special artisans on his patronage to make him colognes designed to mimic alpha scents by amplifying certain aspects of his own pheromones.

Ariel is a beta that everyone thinks is an alpha. They have a quietly commanding presence and a way of arranging pieces to fall into place that gives off Big Alpha Energy. It also helps that they're such an enigma - major mysterious alpha vibes.

Esme is an omega on heat suppressants. She's like the POSTER GIRL for them (it's a secret still, but like c'mon). She's such a girlboss and definitely covers up her presentation to make everyone in Pheles believe she's an alpha, just like she has her whole "My name is and always has been Esme and I'm a fire mage" thing in canon. She loves being wrapped up (look at her wardrobe. homegirl does not own anything that doesn't FLAUNT THE FIGURE, and it's because she craves touch), she's literally whimpered and clung to alpha-coded people on-screen and immediately performed panic responses to cover it up, she's got similar responses to Andrey to certain magical signatures....don't EVEN get me started on how her body language around love interests changes DRAMATICALLY in public vs private.

Enoch and Nicholas are both alphas. But this one fic I read had their ruts trigger each other's instead of being on a regular cycle or triggered by an omega's heat, and honestly it was kind of genius. I think they'd keep a running count of whose rut induced the other person's (and by they, I mean Nicholas) and it'd be a competitive thing for no reason.

So magical signatures are pretty much equivalent to what I think everyone's specific blend of pheromones would smell like, but I think blockers would come in two kinds:

Mufflers - more socially accepted/common, used as a courtesy when appearing in public during a heat/rut or when you know you'll be around a lot of people and don't want to accidentally flood anyone's brain who might be close to/in their own. Don't remove or replace a scent completely, just dampen it down. Negligible side effects, even if used long-term, applied topically (rich people have sigil patches instead of a cream). Over time, your body might develop a resistance to a particular formulation, which would make the muffler less effective.

Banners - very taboo and/or illegal when used outside specific "approved" ceremonial contexts (ex. religious figures who are mandatorily celibate, deep spy missions, etc.). Completely neutralize a person's scent; some kinds also replace the scent with a blend of pheromones from a different presentation, so you could use a banner to pose as a different presentation. Betas posing as alphas or omegas aren't usually made as big of a deal out of, but an alpha posing as an omega or vice versa definitely would be a big scandal.

"Scenting" as a form of greeting is only done within Pheles and the court - like the message bubble spell, it's a ridiculous custom rooted in the archaic "alpha superiority" posturing culture (and also because exposing your neck/scent glands to a stranger used to be equivalent to "you show me yours, I'll show you mine" since two alphas meeting would have to ease their instinctual threat response to each other).

I'm gonna talk about ruts too but the alliteration was really cute <3

Even outside of heats, Andrey just builds nests. Constantly. Lowkey his actual heat nests are massive fire hazards bc of how many flammable, fluffy blankets and pillows he piles together.

Whenever he has to deal with his ruts/heats himself (I flip-flop on his presentation lol), Joel recites Farfallan verses - if it's reallly hard to get through, he does them backwards.

Joel is also the type of person to always try getting himself through without help because he doesn't want to burden anyone with taking care of him.

Esme's been coasting because she has enough girlboss alpha energy to make people placebo believe her Alpha Command Voice, but she gets found out either by her "fake" Omega Suggestion Voice working a little too well OR suddenly developing an intolerance to her suppressants and well...the fandom doesn't call her soggy for nothing. <3 First heat in what, seven years? Bitey bruises are the least of the issue.

Taran has a huge and unexplored presentation-play kink. He'll likely never get into it with a partner for fear of exposing himself.

Nicholas once had to be put into a medically-induced coma during his rut because he kept wanting to draw blood off Enoch and then the smell of another alpha's blood sent him into a raging frenzy.

Enoch tends to hide away during his rut, emerging only for necessary business or to work out (usually very destructive). He also gets more omega-like symptoms during his rut (feverish, very flushed, damp).

Plot Headcanons

Esme never realized it until way too late, but the periods where her heat would have been happening were also the times she craved playing bitey the most.

Nicholas would have put it together if he hadn't been so disgusted/busy playing bitey with her. Taran does put the pieces together because he's never seen Esme brat out like that.

Nikolai also figures it out and tells Andrey. Andrey is too busy building a nest to care (for now). Depending on divorcee solidarity status later, Esme might get an unwanted and unasked-for safe mating talk. Nikolai does the hand puppetry.

At some point, Andrey's and Esme's heats sync up and their altered behavior prompts the tabloids to theorize that Aurora is their biokid again

Alt. headcanon for how Esme gets exposed: when she's sick after ice skating and Enoch goes to check on her at her apartment....that wasn't an alpha command voice, that was a really bossy omega suggestion. And it worked. We leave it to the fanfics to decide if Enoch realizes or not!

Taran's post-sex cigarettes are for pleasure and for enhancing the dominant alpha notes in his scent.

Nesting Habits

Andrey likes soft fleecy fabrics best for nesting, decorated with silk tassels or pillowcases. He likes more blankets or his partners' clothes to wrap up in than pillows and likes burying his face in them while being "rolled up"

Esme likes the feeling of silk, but her favorite nesting material is cotton because it's softer and more breathable with the fur of her ears/tail. She doesn't like being too warm, she would rather steal a partner's clothes to wear than wrap up with lots of blankets

Joel keeps multiple rosaries on hand to decorate nests, whether for himself or a partner

Taran once jokingly called Esme a pillow princess. The scratches on his back took a month to heal

#odette in the butterfly garden #i don't know what the hell to tag this lmao

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saruin · 2 years

Note

I'm a skyrim modder. I looove love the game, it's broken as hell, old as fuck and was barely a quarter of how great morowind and oblivion were.

I have ADHD so it takes me weeks to make my mods. There is an entire category of mods dedicated to fixing glitches and broken stuff. Some people change up my mods and repost them without credit.

But you know what? I ❤️❤️LOVE the skyrim community so much regardless of that. There are so many silly and cool mods, made by people who love the game and the community just as much as I do.

People have made expansion-sized mods that add 26 hours of gameplay, or followers with their own paid voice actors, new quests, quest awareness, that can interact with other mod followers (because we're a community that loves to work together!), people who update their mods years after retiring because they have so much love for the community and for the game.

We ask kindly for donations, but mostly for big projects. The one who did the 26+ hours one did it for his portfolio too. When Steam asked us, "do you want to make people pay you for access to some of your mods, as a means to give back for the work you did?" we all collectively said NO. (except that one modder who charged money for a mod that added a single apple to the game. Yes it was a joke)

I make mods in my free time because it's fun! I like contributing to one of my favourite game franchises, no matter how broken it is. And the reactions of people, who say they love my mods, that is all the payment I need.

If I don't feel like making mods anymore, I just don't! But can patreon paywallers and early access makers do that?

They turned a community-giving hobby into a form of contractual employment. It's no longer because you love the game, or the community, but because you are contractually obligated to provide content you are paid to make. You start to lose inspiration, the quality goes down but your prices still stay high. It's a cycle you can't come out of unless you put a stop to your biggest source of income.

If I ever make sims cc, I would do it because there are things i want in my game that i cannot find, and if it is good enough, i would want to release it to others so that they may enjoy it too. Modding is ultimately about love, and I have conflicting opinions on how much i love the sims community, but fantastic, brilliant and kind modders like you, who make such good content with so much heart and genuine passion, that it reminds me that i can always have love for a community, no matter how many bad eggs are there.

Modders who are hardworking, and who are passionate about modding and being community -driven, are going to be the wave of a new era of sims modding. You might not be as big and famous as other modders who are like-minded, but your love of your fans make you just as important.

thanks for coming to my ted talk, i'm super emotional bc of my meds and i tend to uh. ramble on forever

Omg anon, this made me so emotional too. <333

First off I want to completely agree with the first part. The skyrim community knows and understands how janky of a game Skyrim is but they love and support it anyway. Their community is so big and welcoming, I haven't had a single negative interaction with any one since I joined my first facebook group quite a few years ago. Sure you have the occasional complaint of booby mods but that's pretty much to be expected at this point.

Skyrim modders do SO much for their community without complaint because they love what they do and they want to bring a better experience to people. Skyrim is 11 years old and it's community is as active as it was day one with bigger and greater mods being released every day. it blows my mind sometimes, just seeing how much one person or even an small group of people can change a game.

When I first began making sims 4 mods I didn't have much of an opinion about anything in the community. I was fresh out of IMVU developing and after years of failing to make meaningful connections there, I had no idea how to approach anyone in this community. I guess that's why I floundered around for so long on TSR, I had no real purpose other than my creativity. But once TSR's rules began challenging and restricting the things I made I quickly started to look for alternative sites to upload my cc. I was apprehensive about tumblr at first because I didn't know how the community would accept me. Would I be this anonymous creator that only a few people downloaded stuff from or could I truly branch out and spread my wings like I wanted to?? I'm happy to say that I've met some truly amazing people hear and even though I've never met them/don't know what they look like/ never even heard their voice, they feel like real friends. Better friends than most I've had in my life tbh.

So when I decided to really set down roots in this community I had to make a very important decision, one I had been on the fence about since the very first time I saw someone's content locked behind a patreon paywall. How would I conduct myself? Would I ever paywall any of my creations? Am I doing this for the money? Am I willing to reblog and support those who do these things? It took me a long time to decide because quite frankly I'm not in a financially stable place right now. I live at home, have a crappy job and have to rely on others in my family for support. Getting exclusive revenue would help, but at the end of the day I realized: I love creating art more than anything in the world and keeping any of it from anyone for any amount of time would destroy me. Sometimes I get so excited about the things I create I release it early because I want people to enjoy it too.

If you go to my patreon about me page it says: "Mostly I'm here to bring something unique to your game, something I liked and said "Hey, maybe a bunch of other people will like it too". Because that's what I do. I make things for me and share them with other people. I don't even play on pc, all of my saves are on my xbone. I create because I love it and I will only support those that feel the same.

I see these other creators churning out content for their patreon every month and I think that could never be me. I don't follow very many creators because the majority of their content looks the same. Excuse me if anyone thinks I'm being rude, judgmental or harsh but it's the truth. All these early access packs, makup sets, mesh edits, hairstyles, etc. that I've seen are like carbon copies of one another. It frustrates me because I want to support more creators but a lot of them (especially the bigger ones) aren't worth it in my opinion.

#saruin answers #this was probably my longest reply #i got really emotional typing this out lol #cause im a crybaby

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askthefuturegleeks · 2 years

Text

I have a few small updates for the pinned post here on the main. I’ve added a section at the bottom of the post, under a cut, with all of the canon characters that are still open. As I’ve mentioned before, I just had dental surgery yesterday and I’m on pain meds now, so I may have missed some people. Feel free to let me know if so and I’ll add them. This is to make it faster to scroll through the opens than it would be to either look at the placards (that I don’t even have all of made) or figure it out based on the taken masterlist.

Those with wanted connections, I’m going to work up a form to make things easy to submit. I made this a canons only rp because people have been asking for more of those since forever, but I’m willing to chat about OCs in the ooc blog, so feel free to voice your opinion there or in my inbox/DM chats Either way, I’ll have a wc form up so that people can have things like personal assistants at work, co-workers, rivals, and anything else they want to keep things fresh. You are all also free to make bio posts to pin to your profiles with wanted connections on there somewhere.

I am experimenting with a method of making sure that everyone gets anons here. I think we’re all friendly and welcoming enough that we’ve been sending them out without needing a requirement rule with numbers and expectations. So I’m going to request that anyone that wants more anons like that pinned post here on the main. If the character you want anons on is a sideblog because they’re a second or third muse, go ahead and comment the character @ instead. If you ever get to the point of wanting the anons to pause for a while, you can unlike the post. For everyone watching, whether you’re in the rp or simply following it for your own personal enjoyment, do not be afraid to consult the notes on the pinned post to figure out who to send anons to. I think I can rely on all of us to send at least one anon to everyone that interacts with the post, at least every few days. If anyone starts to feel like they aren’t getting anons, please contact me asap. Don’t wait feeling left out. I’ll modify this rule and send you some anons myself.

My final note is that I’m going to be introducing posts from Sue Sylvester that will be written in character and posted on the main as representations of her own social media presence to help keep things interesting and new on the anon and social media front so that we have stuff to post in character and keep development moving. Please do interact with everyone’s social media posts like you do in real life (I typoed that as feral life, I just need everyone to know because that’s hilarious) but even more interaction. Comments, likes, and even response posts are encouraged. By response posts, I mean posts made because of other posts. An example being if someone did a #daytheme (like #sleepoversaturday or #sinfulsunday) social media post, other people could respond by making their own #daytheme post.

#glee rp #atfg admin

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grumpydragontea · 19 days

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A little guide on phishing on tumblr

Before we begin, a few PSAs cos this is tumblr. There's no shame in asking for help or donations when you're in need. And there are a plenty of people here asking for a little help and I've almost been on of them. Life is hard, things are tough, and people do what they need to to keep going. But scummy shit heads will be scummy shit heads and it's been long known that pulling heartstrings is a very effective way to scam well meaning people who can and will help others. So consider this a lazy psa/guide.

I just saw this in my inbox, note what they call sending an ask:

Such a heartbreaking tale, I mean... disabled, black, very sick, freezing nose (whatever that means), no medicine, food, money... And in the ask box of a complete stranger who they don't follow, doesn't follow them and have nothing in common. I'll admit, there's a twinge because I'm disabled, I've been broke, without my meds, no food, sick as a dog but and I've gone as far as to ask friends for donations during a hard time. But I've also been targeted by similar asks before and they always sing very similar tunes.

No money, no food, no meds, sick, oh so very sick, or its their kids, or it's their pet and the last three I got were both black and disabled and while yeah, there's folks in genuine desperate situations making the best they can, asking for help, for kindness from strangers, they generally don't barge into stranger's inboxes with a blog and posts that are only around 19 hours old. (or 16hrs, or 2 days old or whatever.) Here's a snip of their two most recent, note the time of 19 hrs. Go have a look yourself and compare.

And their oldest, also from 19hrs ago

Even going through the blog and it's posts it doesn't really seem genuine. The posts are all random as hell, they're not generally connected in theme or topic which isn't that unusual for tumblr, but in conjunction with everything else? Adds to my disbelief.

The only original post is the donation one. There's no comments added, not tags, nothing original except for the begging. Even on accounts that are random as shit with no tags there's still a rhythm of topic, timing, etc. All this is like the last five or so accounts tied to completely random asks in my inbox form people that don't follow or interact with me, begging for money for some tragic situation. Good thing phishing is very against Tumblr TOS so reporting this shit is SUPER easy. Generally I just go to the blog, grab the donation page link, go to report, tell tumblr whats up and submit. Cos fake scammers are dicks, and they take attention and help away from people who are genuinely in need. Don't stand for it. Don't fall for it.

Have a good one.

#psa #aid #mutual aid #fuck phishing #fuck scammers

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c0smicfern · 5 months

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idk how to phrase this exactly. i know what i want to write, but it's hard to write it out coherently when the conceptualization part of my brain & the... word forming part of my brain aren't talking to each other. basically, i know i've been a bit rampant with the internalized ableism lately. it's a nasty habit that i can get into, particularly when my functioning is as dampened as it is now. got super overstimulated at the grocery store and nearly had another *something* in my car. when i finally managed to calm my brain down, i knew i still wanted to listen to music on the ride home, even if at 1/4th the volume i normally do. realized that the playlist i had been listening to while driving around wouldn't do my brain any good, esp since there's a bunch of hard rock & metal in it. i also remembered that i made a playlist specifically for that very situation the last time i burned out. i was just... struck by the amount of compassion & self-care i was capable of showing myself not very long ago. made me feel... guilty ig. bc i haven't been doing that so far during this burnout. i called out from work today, but i nearly made myself go in. i feel like that definitely contributed to the catatonia this morning. i identify more with the logical & volitional parts of my brain, but it's like the other parts pushed back against us this morning so hard that we completely shut down. like, 'yeah, you think we're going in? nope. you're not in charge here right now.' i need to remember how to love myself like i was capable of doing during the last burnout bc so far? this one has been *so much fucking worse* & that's almost assuredly bc i've been denying that i'm burnt out & trying to go on as i had been only a week ago. it's definitely been pushing others away as well. it's probably hard to believe that i love autistic people when i'm seemingly incapable of loving myself as i am rn. i wasn't expecting to burn out again so quickly or really... at all, ever again, but it happened. the only way i'm going to be able to recover & not push people away is by being the person who made the recovery playlist that i listened to on the way home from the store.

edit: i'm also. a bit closer to accepting that i'm probably autistic. for two reasons, mostly. first, i literally don't know what else it could possibly be at this point. second, my intuition has been scary accurate about these things, historically. while my logic has driven me astray more times than i can count. it's cold & calculating, but that doesn't necessarily mean that it's going to be a more accurate way of arriving at conclusions. i'll probably end up doubting it again when i come out of the burnout, but it seems irrevocably true right now. i really don't know what else could be causing these issues. i think, maybe, i was just better at finding patterns in people's behavior than some other autistic people. i do remember being much less socially attuned as a kid & teenager. to the point that i may not have been looking up how to read social cues or tell what people are thinking, but i probably picked up on it from studying interactions irl. that's my working theory bc, while autism as an explanation seemed really unlikely in-between the last burnout & this one, it still makes more sense than *anything else*. it's not c-ptsd, it's not the depression, and it's not schizophrenia. moreover, my few experiences with involuntary violence make me feel like it's almost assured. i got *very good* at masking & keeping my shit together bc my presentation of it is highly atypical & i'm *usually* very low support needs. obviously not rn. in fact, i kinda regret not asking my fiancée to pick up my meds for me, but i digress. those skills are something that i'm going to have to rebuild if i want to, but i feel like being that high-masking probably contributed to these burnouts. i ended up holding so much shit in that i feel worse than i ever have. it's going to be a struggle to continue accepting the reality of the situation when i finally break out of this again & continue using my disability aids, but it's important so this doesn't happen *again*. with my luck & executive functioning, it probably will, but it may not happen for years if i take *slightly better* care of myself. anyway, that's it. i'm probably autistic. i've hit two burnout periods in the span of one year & i literally *Don't Know What Else It Could Possibly Be*.

#a little positivity during these bleak times #personal

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virmillion · 7 months

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tragically i have been consumed with more Story thoughts, everyone say hi to juniper

every day by david levithan but different

not every day, could spend a week in this body, or a year, or years, she never knows when she'll jump to another

not jumping exclusively over space, but also across time

one day she's a black 17yo girl in 2017, the next she wakes up a white 17yo guy in 1438

she doesn't know why, and she spends her story trying to figure it out

she assumes she'll eventually live the equivalent of a full single life (70-80 years), just dispersed

she can probably affect small things, but not necessarily major ones (eg jfk)

she likes to keep trinkets of her 'more meaningful' lives in certain spots, eg behind a specific tree in this specific park for times when she's in a body near that area

it varies what trinkets she keeps, she prefers clocks and stuff (bc of course she does, it's the only thing she Knows about herself) but often she'll try to take something of relative significance to the person but that won't be missed

think someone who collects a bunch of teas, maybe she takes a rarely-used strainer (that clearly has no personal importance wrt family heirlooms and such)

"i think my fifth life is where i really started living" bc that was the first body she was in for long enough to think of it as home, and also form concrete memories in

she had a best friend in that one (who she made on her own, not a built-in bestie that was already around when she landed) who she Told about all this body- and time-jumping

they were definitely younger than 13 so the friend either believed her or went along with The Bit, but didn't rat her out on it

she probably came up with a code word like "if i ever see you again, this specific phrase means Hey It's Me even if i'm not in this body", a secret handshake was probably also involved

critically. we never learn this friend's name. this will come back later

but they always used to meet up under a copse of juniper trees, so that's where juniper took her name from (bc she thought it would be weird to directly steal her bestie's name, and weirder to steal the name of the body she was borrowing, but she needed SOME way to refer to herself)

in the Juniper Life, as she calls it, she was amab, so she figured she was a boy, since that was the life that Felt Right, so she used he/him for a hot minute. realized over a few more jumps that the afab bodies Felt Better, and people using she/her Felt Better (even if they didn't know the implications of using pronouns on someone they think they know), so she eventually switched to internal she/her full-time

not to be religious but she thinks of every day as a gift, because she genuinely doesn't know if she'll wake up in the same body the next day, to say nothing of waking up in the same time period

always has to figure out allergies, medications, chronic illnesses, dangerous relationships, every single time she wakes up as someone else

which brings me to the layout of every chapter:

```

who: john smith, 23, white, barista taking a gap year from liberal arts college

what:

where: minnesota

when: 2019

why:

notes: just had a messy breakup, most of his friends are on the ex's side, allergic to latex, takes anti-anxiety meds

previous: maya clearly, 23, indian, deep into some sort of doctoral study program, lasted 2 weeks

follow-up: no noticeable impact on maya's life, didn't interact with many people, no life-altering experiences, but it WAS the first time we landed in someone without the cilantro soap gene, so that was fun

[line break]

directly into the pov of whoever is relevant to john smith in this time period

```

so each chapter opens with juniper taking notes to herself about where and when she's landed, how this might connect to what she's seen so far, persons of interest, that sort of thing

then the actual prose is some other person who WOULD be a side character, if this were any other story

something about "oh everyone is the main character of their own story, everyone has their own situations going on and *we're* all side characters in *their* story"

so juniper, who is dealing with This Crazy Shit, is a side character. all we hear from her is the opening chapter notes, and then any interactions she has with that chapter's POV

each chapter POV is someone who is relevant to The Person Juniper Is at that moment, be it a best friend or teacher or child or enemy or whatever. somehow, in the midst of everything else going on with them, they cross paths with juniper, and (knowingly or not) they influence Her Situation

think a combination of patrick ness' "the rest of us just live here" and the song "for good" from wicked

as yet unsure what happens to the person she lands in, whether they're watching her do everything and yelling at the parasite in their head

that feels too horror-esque, so i don't want to do that

probably more like they're nudged into a co-captain position, where juniper feels (/hears their voice in Their head that she's borrowing) what the owner of the body would do, and tries to act according to that as best she can

once she leaves, i think the person takes their body back over and treats the experience as a weird brain fog, as if they'd just had a really bad flu without any physical symptoms, and maybe they go to therapy about it

since they're at least able to influence her actions (while thinking it's their own actions), they probably aren't *incredibly* put off by the experience? like yeah it's Weird, but also she can't exactly walk up to someone and ask about a specific three-month stint of mental fuzziness from four years ago that they didn't tell anyone about

most likely, one of the chapters will be from the POV of someone juniper *has previously borrowed*, so we can get some discussion of how it feels for them

not only that, but i think that on some level they recognize juniper as being related to Their Incident, even though she's literally a different human now than the one they were dealing with

unsure if they piece it together or not, whether she tells them what the deal was, but they genuinely want to help her once they get the ball rolling

they probably somehow do Become Aware that it's a david levithan situation, and they can tell juniper is Genuinely Remorseful and wants to stop it, but she doesn't know how, and it isn't her fault, so they're down to assist and forgive

also juniper's jumps land her in people who are Around The Same Age, so she won't go from a 12-year-old to an 80-year-old, but she *could* go from a 20-year-old to an 18-year-old

so to that end, whoever it is that she Borrowed that we now get to see the POV of, has to be relatively close in age to Current Juniper, regardless of how old they were for The Incident, since she ages at a Relatively Normal Human Rate

i think nowadays she just waits until she gets bumped, which either happens randomly, OR when the body dies

...which. well, damn. cool, you get to hop to a new one and start over, but the person who used to live in that body is just *gone*, and they weren't even in control when it happened

so i think that's definitely crossed her mind before, of "ugh man i'm sick of This Current Body And Time, and there's no telling when i'll get to leave, short of One Specific Method" which is obviously super fucked up and she never did that

but

she's thought about it

more than once

hey look it's later!! i'd love if the very last chapter was from juniper's first bestie's pov, and they meet juniper again in a new body (but they're both adults now), and she does the code word and the handshake, and the bestie (and the reader) realize OH SHIT IT'S FULL CIRCLE

*very* cute if you end with the implication that juniper is hanging out in this body long term now and being with the bestie

...*less* cute when you think about whoever Used to be in that body tho :/

lab stop writing about girlbestfriends lost to time challenge

#labhrambles #hiii juniper #<- ...actually tho? that might be the tag tbh. bc everyone is always excited to see her #...or she's excited to see everyone bc every day is a gift

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