#i need intense mental help

[greentea-mp3]

what do people do to hang out with friends...? where do you go? like when you're doing something other than being at one of your houses. when you're outside or whatever the fuck. i heard people go to the mall or out to eat?? where do you go when you don't have money tho? going to the mall just sounds like sensory overload waiting to happen too.

#friends #hangout #hangout spots #friendless #i am lonely #shut in #social anxiety #anxitey #autism #adhd #audhd #neurodivergent #neurospicy #i need intense mental help #i need to go outside #big boy problems #text post

[aho-dapa]

This fandom is honestly...

Like, there is something to be said about fandoms in general and how they've changed as a whole generally but

There's also something about how the acotar fandom is especially toxic like

The idea that a post is surprised a murder hasn't happened yet and I found myself agreeing??? Is honestly telling

Like, also. A massive part of this is shipping and maybe it's because I have my corner of this fandom, but even then shipping the "wrong" thing in general has become something I honestly have to take in consideration when thinking of my mental health and if I can personally be prepared for any backlash??

This fandom at large doesn't feel safe and that's majorly concerning tbh

Maybe instead of saying shippers as a group are doing harm, we should just disavow harmful actions in general and not be complicit in it idk???

#anyway #just having thoughts #anti sjm #like I'm also pro Tamlin? and that doesn't help #i had to stop making intensive tamlin posts because my mental health honestly couldn't handle the constant discourse #which is sad when people genuinely come with the intent to discuss but since its all horrible in general I end up not having a lot of #emotional space to have a good conversation most of the time sighhhh #i also just end up blocking people in general when my timeline messes up my interests but #i have yet to block main ship tags because I still want to interact with my side of fandom on it but I'm sooooooo close to blocking #main tags because some people are vile on here #don't even get me started on gwyn because people end up saying shit they shouldn't be just because of shipping #and I don't have any personal feelings about gwyn but the way people say she's not important as a character gives me the ick tbh #like I get it from a sjm is a terrible writer standpoint #but gwyn did have narrative importance in acosf despite however I feel about how it coulf have been better written #and also as a character that is very explicitly a SA survivor some people here need to THINK about how they talk about her

[kamenrideryeets]

You realize that Surge has just... lost her motivation?

She was screaming about destroying the world when she first got the Dynamo Cage, but at this point she's just being casual about fueling her power addiction. She doesn’t mention being “superior” to Sonic. She doesn’t mention Starline. Because it doesn’t matter to her anymore.

Her and Kit just hollowly stare at each other before confronting Sonic and Tails, in an utterly emotionally broken state. 

Look at them. They don't even want this. Any of this. They don't care about it at all.

Ian has literally said his view on this is that Surge can't let go of her hate, because it is literally her only identity. If she stands down in front of Sonic, if she gives up fighting him, she is an empty shell with no meaning and no purpose. And the same goes for Kit leaving Surge’s side. He is literally nothing without her.

At this point, their only motivation is spite. They just don't want Sonic to win.

And walking away, letting go, trying to find a new life, responding to what's happened to them in literally any healthy way, is what Sonic told them to do, ergo, it counts as Sonic winning.

After issue 56, regardless of Surge’s mental state, regardless of the fate of the Dynamo Cage, regardless of the status of the duo’s relationship, whichever way all this unfolds, I AM NOT GOING TO BE OKAY.

#Everything Sonic #idw sonic spoilers #Surge the Tenrec #Kit the Fennec #glitchsibs #the climax is finally here #it's not as intense as we thought it would be #but it's certainly SOMETHING #I practically expect Surge to end up lying there completely mentally broken #and BEGGING SONIC TO PUT HER OUT OF HER MISERY #AND HE CAN'T FUCKING DO IT #HE CAN'T BRING HIMSELF TO DO IT AND HAS TO COME UP WITH AN EXCUSE #which is probably 'Kit needs you' but #my god #they are beyond help #ready the continuity nukes and prepare for evacuation to AUs #everything is fine #(everything is not fine)

[niishi]

That scene post dressrosa where luffys sleeping off his fight and Zoro wants to wake him up so bad.... makes me think about how Zoro only rlly sleeps(not naps) 4hrs a day. so, he's up late a lot and sometimes gets a spike of energy and just gets bored and goes to luffys bed to wake him up bc he knows luffys always down to clown

#time to get analytical bc i started down a thinking about zoro rabbit hole #but anyways #i feel like zoros mediation helps him regulate his emotions (amongst other things) #meditation** and i had to fix autocorrect like 4x and it still didnt fix it smfh #and that he uses that to gain mental and emotional strength and that is a big part of his character #and hes rlly good at it #but everyone gets those moments where they cant sit still #where their nerves are on edge #and theres many instances u can see that in zoro #and usually when hes like this #hes also antsy to drink #or like during fights where he turns to nonstop joking to cope with the intense situation #or he turns to luffy for distraction or guidance (always think about when they got off the ship at thriller bark) #anyways these are the moments where you see the “imperfect” parts of zoro #the natural parts of him that are intrinsic to who he is as a person #he can regulate and cope as much as he wants but #hes still a goober that gets anxious and nervous #what i love is that he recognizes it though #how hes feeling and what makes him feel better and more at ease #he takes care of his emotions as its needed #imo #anyways he wakes Luffy up and they play night crawlers on the deck and eventually usopp hears and he joins too #and eventually robin but shes just tickling them #with her 100 arms

[gloaming-sometimes]

google: how to stop thinking about a new and extremely intense special interest when it is consuming your every waking thought

#the answer is you dont #the spin chose me and who am i to deny it? #it is inconvenient though because when i need to do anything that isnt related to that i can get frustrated and irritatable #its okay though because i would not give it up for the world <33 #can you guys guess what it is? (hint: take a look at my blog layout & recent reblogs lmaoo) #this is probably the most intense special interest ive ever had #god help all the people in my life who have to hear me infodumping about mentally ill vampires constantly #i cant help it guys the spirit of lestat has bewitched me #actually autistic #autistic #autistic community #autism #autistic problems #autistic things #actually asd #asd #autism spectrum disorder #autistic special interest #special interest #hyperfixation

[milo-is-rambling]

I can’t even imagine living without anxiety. Like. How. What?

#I mean if I woke up tomorrow with a normal amount of anxiety it would be a shocking difference to my daily life. and I am medicated!!! like. #what? am I missing something here? #my mom tells me that meds can only do so much and that they’re really just meant to make it so you can get out of bed every day #but now I’m wondering like is that true or is that my mom is on the wrong dose herself and something could be done to help us both #gahhhhh idk I just feel helpless bc I’m scared of making big changes and the big changes have to make are scary and large and I need a #bulleted list made of things I can do (and break down into very small steps) to actually progress in a positive way in my life instead of #being SO afraid and SO stagnant. it’s been six months since (ptsd diagnosis causing thing) and I don’t feel like I’ve made any progress even #with a therapist. I’m working towards a more intensive program but I feel like it’s almost making me feel more alienated bc I’d have to like #go be surrounded by other mentally ill people and medical people which brings dad dying trauma and like I know I’m running from it bc I’m #afraid to face the changes I need to make and the feelings that are going to come up but fuck man can’t I get some fucking meds that make #this easier to deal with!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! grief and ptsd and long term isolation and anxiety and chronic pain like fuck it’s #so exhausting!!!! I feel like I’m fucking fighting thru life and then from the outside it’s like I’m doing nothing cause I stay in my room #and get stoned and play animal crossing and watch tv and cry and over eat and sometimes I drive around in circles so I can scream sing until #my throat burns and I get a headache and everything finally quiets down in my head for a second. I know I look like I’m doing nothing and #that’s because I am doing nothing but waiting for the next time a mental health professional will talk to me for an hour like it’s so sad #anyways. you ever take a big dab and then start crying and type all of this like it’s an epiphany even tho it’s things you already know. #honestly crying in front of the air conditioner is so slay slight breeze over my face cooling the tears the white noise calming me down

[maxellminidisc]

Sometimes I want to reach out to people when I'm having incredibly bad days with my anxiety and panic but it's like I really really dont want my friends to get loaded with the extent of just how severe and exhausting my mental health is.

#my period is giving me some really intense mood swings its genuinely very upsetting #and im pretty much on my own having to be the responsible adult in my home rn but like that plus my mental health rn #is pretty fucking bad #its also making me feel phsyically ill which in turn is triggering my compulsion to over monitor #every little thing in my body and i feel bad #because my mom really needs medical help and i dont want to be cutting in on the time she needs getting it #because i cant be a functioning adult damn near 30 #its so frustrating because last time they left i did perfectly fine but this time around my anxiety is being a bitch again

[bri-does-art]

Hi, just popping in to say I'm alive, still working on the next chapter and those ask responses, everything's good. |'D In case anyone was worried!

#i'm so sorry it's taking so long y'all #i'm just going through some INTENSELY STRESSFUL SHIT and it's taken a huge toll on me #but i'm doing my best i promise #i've had to take quite a few mental health breaks in the past few months #didn't help that a big part of the chapter was pretty difficult to write from a linguistic and technical perspective #but i've completed it!! now i just... gotta write the rest :')))) #maybe i'll do another poll for splitting the chapter or not because my god i am gonna finish this one in august at this rate #also random thoughts but #sometimes i think it'd be nice to join fnaf servers and meet and talk to people #make some more friends who love fnaf as well with whom i could talk and stuff #i keep going ''hmmm that'd be nice'' BUT #then i remember how i barely am active even on the server i am a mod for and i think of how big this fandom is #and i break into hives just thinking about it lmao #i don't want to be in a huge server i know it'll just stress me out and i'll end up muting it forever OTL #i perform so much better in little groups or one on one #but #to find these cool little groups or the cool people to talk to 1-on-1 i NEED to go through these hugeass servers and honestly no thank you #i am too autistic for this ;v;) #or maybe i am just growing old :'3 #i know there are some very cool people who follow me (how did it even happen i do not know) who i'd love to reach out to #who probably don't even realize that we'd be mutuals if it wasn't for this being a sideblog i can't follow back from #and i kinda want to keep my main blog kinda private just for online living hygiene reasons #*long wistful sighing* ah well

[august--and-everything-after]

Ok actual real goal of my forever is to build a life where I'm doing so many things daily (or regularly) that support my mental health that I no longer need antidepressants. I know they're essential to me for the time being cause the alternative is - not something I want to talk about - but I think with the right, highly focused combination of habits I can support myself drug-free.

#for example #apparently with a certain (duration/frequency/intensity) of exercise you can equal or better the impact of antidepressants #i need to follow up cause i only saw this in a video by a licensed psych doctor but id like my own look at the evidence #plus there are a ton of things you can do (or not do) that demonstrably support your mental health when done (or avoided) with regularity #ive always know meds are essentially the pilot light of my coping/recovery but i always struggle with the follow thru #the aim is to use the springboard of medication to help build a lifestyle that truly supports and nourishes me to the point that its #self-sustaining #i do believe it's possible. i just havent landed on the right combo of help+effort yet #august talking #mental health

[solarisgod]

Every single day I'm so relieved of the fact that Micah would be able to get into therapy sessions since xe entered university.

#ASK TO TAG CW #/// #// #/ #𓁹 ༑ ࿐ྂ ⩇⩇ : ⩇⩇ ⚠︎ [ 𝙴𝚇𝙸(𝚂)𝚃 : 𝙶𝙾𝙳 ] * ‹ THOUGHTS . › #𓁹 ༑ ࿐ྂ ⩇⩇ : ⩇⩇ ⚠︎ [ 𝙴𝚇𝙸(𝚂)𝚃 : 𝙶𝙾𝙳 ] * ‹ MICAH . › #[ for sure xe needs it so much truly while I just know xe's scared of taking medications for xyr mental illnesses ] #[ xe's gonna reconnect with xyr therapist and DID specialist again this season in person especially since xe eventually couldn't keep up ] #[ with the Zoom meetings and phone calls in season two ] #[ but by God did Micah as a teen to young adult feel and think extremely intensely it's alarming ] #[ and it doesn't help back then xe experienced blackouts and memory loss and other stuff a lot ] #[ that xe reacted more strongly to with fear and anxiety ] #[ when xe got older so xe certainly needed professional help while xe was given more time and energy to do so at university ] #[ as opposed to high school you know ]

[myforlornhope]

cptsd is so hard to predict and it makes it so much worse to manage. After a week of feeling like myself more and being more comfortable than I have for a while, I have one interaction that my brain views as similar enough to my trauma that it sends me into trauma response.

Now suddenly I am waking up shaking and hyperventilating because the flashback dreams are so real. Closing my eyes or relaxing in a room is so much harder with hyper vigilance telling me to be on high alert. Every creek in the house sends my heart racing and the world feels too bright and loud all the time.

I think it's hard for people to understand cptsd because it isn't simple to understand triggers. Being a dick as a joke or throwing something at a friend jokingly, all this shit may seem so simple to others but to people with ptsd it can be something our nervous system suddenly had to get involved with.

#i know this makes little sense but i really needed somewhere to rant #it helps me to have a void to yell at after a have intense emotions #and this morning certainly counts as that #cpstd #tw ptsd #ptsd #mental illness innit #my forlorn hope

[skyteglad]

the latest aita is making me sad. the teeth one. because like... when i was a kid, i was told to have braces! and that i'd need an eventual surgery! and because i didn't want to, my parents didn't make me.

that surgery would've changed my life. i'm not fucking kidding. i'm pretty sure 75% of my physical disabilities stem from not getting that surgery. and by the time i was able to bring up trying to have corrective work again, i was two years from losing my insurance, and my parents procrastinated. now it seems like a pipe dream it'll ever happen.

i get being resentful of your parents forcing you to do things you don't want to do, but god damn, if mine had actually really pushed me into getting braces, my life would be so much different and so much better.

#riot.txt #personal #vent #sorry i'm just. really emotional and maybe a lil triggered #bc SO MUCH of my physical and mental health problems can be stemmed to my jaw #and my teeth. #bc i didn't get that surgery i can't swallow easily. i can't take medication i severely need. my back and neck are bent in ways i can't und #due to lack of breathing. i can't sit up straight bc i can't breathe and that's caused so much damage to me! #if they'd have pushed me into caring for my teeth and my body it would've saved me SO much heartache and pain. i'll have no way of knowing #how different life would be #but i know for a FACT i wouldn't have certain issues i have now... i'd be on mental health medication i wouldn't have chronic pain i'd be #able to function in society without feeling like a burden who'll never be able to get on social security #idk im jst... PLEASE iff you have the chance to have orthopedic work done - DO IT. #if your PARENTS are going to be footing the bill and have good insurance i PROMISE thats a fucking blessing #bc i can't work anymore and the surgery i need that might fix a lot of my life is in the tens of thousands without insurance that i cant bu #anyways sorry to ramble n trauma dump but its my blog and if ANYONE sees this and it helps them or convinces them to get work done while #they can then. idk. feels worth it to be vulnerable :'3 #EDIT: also like... if they'd forced me sure i'd be resentful #but ykw i am rn? even more resentful for the intense medical neglect that stemmed from 'well he doesn't want to so lets not make him' #most kids don't want to go to the doctor. maybe if they'd taken me regularily to a fucking doctor i'd have more answers for what's wrong wm #like... god i'd have hated braces then bc ofc i would i was a kid #but i hate even more now knowing just how fucking NEGLECTED i was as a kid bc they let me make my own choices by going the hands off approa #iunno. anyways. nah on that aita. you're allowed to be upset and resent him for it but GOD he is not an asshole for caring about you #'your body your choice' does not apply here at all. i'm so sorry to tell u this. fdkgfdhgkjdgd #EDIT 2: didn't even MENTION the fact i have dehibilitating chronic migraines and headache that i suspect are directly tied to my poor denta #health!! LIKE. AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK FOR THE ENTIRE DAY #SOMETIMES (OFTEN) MUTLIPLE TIMES A WEEK. #i only JST NOW got access to medicatio to help w it and i CAN'T. SWALLOW. THE MEDICATION THAT PREVENTS THE MIGRAINE FROM GETTING WORSE #I CAN ONLY SWALLOW THE DAILY MED... BC ITS _SO FUCKING TINY_. #aahghghfgdfhgdfjd -puts face in hands-

[jordblod]

idk not to be a freak or anything but i am one sooo i’m starting to think i’ve been channeling dtamhd through my fucking psyche these last days like i’ve been feeling OLD i’ve been feeling ANGRY i’ve been feeling OVERWHELMED with the sensation of having multilayered intense and repressed emotions that i can’t understand or process and has fucked with my self image since i was a literal child i am feeling the crisis guys

#like that is exactly what this episode is gonna be huh #dtamhd #dennis takes a mental health day #no worries tho i know this makes it sound like i need some serious fucking help and ur right but this is not news #it's just extra fucking intense rn #i can have a good time And a crisis i can multitask #i'm just ur regular run of the mill traumatized autistic gay guy so #yeah lock me up #iasip 16 #dennis reynolds #i say shit

[pepprs]

ok update i just finished making my card and i said / drew (lol) basically everything i wanted to say in it (except for the things i definitely can’t say now that this is happening lol). so i think maybe i might be ok with not saying what i want to say directly to her. but then when i say that im not ok with it at all LOLLLL so i think i need to sleep on it and maybe see what tomorrow brings

#purrs #sobbed hysterically writing the message and that was like 4 hrs ago (yeah.) and im still like dizzy and puffy eyed from it. i am not having #a good time lol. and it’s only going to get more intense this whole week and i don’t know if i can handle it. ive been overstimulated / #sleep deprived for like 2 straight days bc yesterday i was doing everything in my power to avoid thinking abt it and today i was doing #everything in mt power TO think abt it including being subjected to things that were hard and ofc the walk being a flop kinda lol. but omg. #mutuals i know it’s so deeply cringe but i have been vagueposting abt my work life since before i even got the fucking job. i know i look #mentally ill about it and i definitely am but my colleagues past and present are my best friends and my number 1 reason to be alive #actually. so this is just. idk. this feels very……. especially when this is someone who was never supposed to leave this suddenly. who i thou #thought i had years and years left with. and it’s just over like that and we have to say goodbye and i know it’s not even that big of a move #but it’s actually killing me. like physically. that this is happening rn. i don’t know what the fuck im going to do. and we aren’t even f #gonna be able to grieve openly at all but we are grieving and she doesn’t even.. like idk. maybe it just hasn’t occurred to her that we are. #but we literally are and its soooooooo bad. it’s so bad. i feel like im having a bad dream every day. i already felt like nothing was real #anymore and this helped abt -50000% with that sensation. like wtf is going on rn. she’s LEAVING. ON FRIDAY. FOREVER. FUCK! #but uh yeah the point is i do want to talk to her and if it was anyone else i would. but when it comes to emotional stuff and being honest #w each other abt how one makes the other feel… we are incompatible im afraid. she doesn’t want to talk abt it and all i want to do is talk b #but im shy and weak so i cave and just do everything in my power to give her what she needs and then i feel shattered for the rest of the #day / week / whatever. it fucking sucks and im not like that w anyone else in my little irl world (except my p*rents ofc LMAO) but it’s like #onmgggggg. can we please just talk abt how it is so painful you are doing this and comfort each other in it somehow. LOL! like i am in so mu #much pain i can’t even speak and she didn’t even look at me when i flicked my eyes over to her during the silences. CRINGE! girl she doesn’t #care about you 😭😭😭😭 except she does. idk. it’s just sooooo. idk. my brain is not right it hasn’t been since i got the news. i think im dying #delete later #OMG ALSO it is now the wee hours of july 26 which means that 3 yrs ago right abt now i did something so very stupid that made me have my #first very bad breakdown ever and it led to me realizing i needed counseling again. so maybe in the spirit of this anniversary i will do #this stupid thing (of asking to talk and then saying what i want to say even though i wrote it out) and then have a very bad breakdown and t #then go to counseling 🥳✌️

[aesthetiicly]

wanting to study abroad but also being terrified at the thought of being alone

#bc I just know I’ll be an anxious wreck #debating whether to do one law unit intensively for a week in Berlin and then take an extra 3 weeks off to holiday around #OR to do exchange in Vienna Netherlands or Copenhagen #BUT LIKE #I think emotionally and mentally the Berlin option is more feasible .. also financially #but also ?!?? I CANT fathom doing it all alone #I already find law class in Australia so intimidating and I feel like I’m abt to have a panic attack every time I need to attend #so doing that in a foreign country WITH NO FRIENDS is a terrifying thought #but I still want to use especially the Berlin unit as another excuse to travel #also bc can get few help and potentially a scholarship for travel expenses etc #but then the question would be whether to do it this year or next …… #so much to ponder #UGH I should’ve made more friends in law to do some convincing! #and the one friend I thought who may wanna do this with me is doing exchange with her bf at some point so lol #</3 when the bf takes over rip