#i remember someone of yall posting about that

[mintytealfox]

You mentioning that post about hand movements got me thinking about something. If I recall correctly (forgive me if not), you mentioned in that post that you didn't have much on Norton's handwriting to go on. And only now I'm remembering, he actually does have a canon signature.

Don't know where I was going with this, but I thought maybe you'd find it interesting ^^;

GAAAASSSSPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

THIS IS A GIFT TO BEHOLD THANK YOU FOR SENDING IT MY WAAYYYY -WEEEPPSSS- LOOK AT THAT SIGNATURE OOOOOOOOOHHH MMYYY GOOODDNNEEESSSSSSSSSS!! Its so on brannndddd ITS SO ON BRAND I CAN'T BELIEVEEEE

OKAY OKAY OKAY OKAAAAYYY OKAAYYYYY I AM SO EXCITTEEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

ARE YALL READY FOR THIISSS?? LOOOL

Some of it I can't really apply cause this is a signature instead of a paragraph or sentence lol but THERE IS SOME GOOD GOOD TO GLEAN HERE 👀

FIRST THING: There are hardly any loops in his writing and when there are its cause cursive calls for it, they are barely there 👀this tells me he is closed off and tense. Which, yes lol

SECOND THING: He writes his letters RIGHT LEANING, this tells me that he is intense and impulsive. Which.......yea, with his intenseness but impulsive? I think he has his moments now, of impulsiveness, but he strikes me as someone who takes things carefully and is only impulsive in those Fool's Gold moments

THIRD THING: He writes B I G, which tells me that he demands attention which is interesting 👀 almost like 'Watch me, I am going to be successful'

FOURTH THING: The cross of his 'T's are hella HIGH and barely on 'the stem' so here I would say that is borderline 'goals might not be grounded in reality'. Its like smack between that and 'Hight Self-Esteem' and honestly both are applicable cause I do think he technically does have high self-esteem. The only thing he doesn't have enough of, according to him, is money lol and it isn't a 'because of him' thing, its a 'because the world is unfair and sucks' thing, he believes he can get the money he needs to be free, its just the world that keeps it away from him, for now.

FIFTH THING: The writing is in a sloping upward direction! And this means he is 'Optimistic' lol which is also technically true, he is 'getting that bag' no matter what LOL Bro is optimistic about changing his life, for sure!

SIXTH THING: I want to say that he is actually writing in print and just connecting the letters and that tells me he is efficient. His letters just seem so deliberate and clear and very print like, its the simple connections that give off the vibe of cursive.

SEVENTH THING: This one is hard to tell cause this is a signature instead of a sentence where it would more clearly show, but the spacing between the first name and last isn't particularly that big of a gap or all that close either, so I think he is somewhere in the middle with this one which makes me want to say, he doesn't like crowds but does get lonely easy ;; (This one feels like I am stretching it but 7 is my favorite number and I just needed this one last ONE to get to 7 LOL)

Now I want to reassess Alice's writing to see what I missed cause I know a little more now than when I did back when writing the original hand break down before 👀

but anywho, THANK YOU FOR SENDING THIS TO MEEEEEEEEE

#identity v #norton campbell #idv #idv prospector #idv norton #identity v norton #identity v norton campbell #idv fool's gold #minty speaks #minty answers #ask #asks #THANK YOOOUUUUUUUUUUUU AHHHHHHH #I JUMPED FOR JOY SEEING THIS AAHHHH #He has such a lovely signature MY GOODNESS #I reblogged something on the graphic design of the signatures on my twitter but I haven't gone back to look and study yet #and forgot BUT NOW I GET TO HERE YAAAYYYYYYYYYYY AND GOT TO REALLY DIVE DEEP INTO IT #AHH AHHH #I LOOOOOOOOOOOOVVEEEEEEEEEE #THANK YOOOOOOOOOOOUUUU

[1337wtfomgbbq]

Jackie: You're just jealous. All my friends tell me I remind them of Jacky.

The Squad: *screaming*

François: He looks like Jacky? Are you out of your fucking MIND?

Ronnie: Jacky, sweetie, I am SO sorry. I am SO SORRY that an ugly-ass bitch like this would even say that. Oh my god.

Mario: Jackie? Jackie? Jackie? You know who you fucking look like? You fucking look like Emerson!

#who of yall was constantly confusing jackie and jacky and emerson??? #i remember someone of yall posting about that #incorrect f1 quotes #classic f1 #f1 #formula 1 #jackie stewart #happy birthday jackie #you are not ugly #i love you #jacky ickx #françois cevert #francois cevert #emerson fittipaldi #ronnie peterson #mario andretti

[histrionicscribbler]

people on this website are notoriously unable to be normal about things they love, but less discussed is the inability to be normal about things they hate and only one of those is a problem imo

#hint: its not love. be so weird about your interests #but maybe be a hater in a more well adjusted way ? #nobodys saying stop being a hater my god be a hater #but please like......... think before you solidify a belief that is undeniably Too Much for the subject matter involved #yall will be wishing death on people who are mid level crummy #calling stuff shit that is ok to average #the black and white thinking goes fucking crazy #remember kids: its ok to be a hater. its not ok to be an asshole #just bc you dont like it doesnt make it bad #just because someone is a bit shit doesnt mean they need to DIE #good lordt #vivziepop #hazbin hotel #helluva boss #vivziepop critical #hazbin hotel critical #helluva boss critical #sure why not. thats what this is abt lol #be fucking normal in the notes or i smite you #peeb post

[widevibratobitch]

me when im obsessed with dead singers from 50 (well... mostly 70-120) years ago and im heartbroken to know i'll never see them on stage... never hear them breathe, never see them sweat, never even touch the hem of their garment...

it really is enough to drive a person mad...

#this is so funny because this is the one vaguepost that i wholeheartedly 100% agree with skdhsjshsjdhsn #like yeah!! it does indeed pain me that the level of operatic singing has so drastically decreased over the last 50 years! #that top operatic stars of today are all either nasal or wobbly or knödely or completely inaudible without microphones #but some of yall are just not ready for this conversation. example a #anyway. as many have said before. its kinda easier to understand how some people cant appreciate certain operas #if they never heard them sung well lol #sorry im out of blood today. i know this is a very uncomfortable subject for many but. #you can actually judge someone's singing in a pretty objective way. there are nuances of course. but from a technical point of view #it really is pretty simple #(also its not like i dont enjoy *some* modern singers lol have you SEEN my kwiecień posting???? lmao #hell. there are even some modern singers i have a soft spot who i KNOW sing... Not Very Well. but i enjoy them lol #not many ofc but. yknow) #also 50 years ago would be the 1970s if im doing my maths correctly and. that is really the point in opera history #when it all started going downhill (sadly partly because of one of my all time favourite singers' influence... but thats a different story) #anyway. remember when luis tetrazzini said that the future generations of singers will be The Best singers in history #because they'll have access to all those recordings of The Greats Of The Past that they'll be able to listen to and learn from? #lmao queen you were right about so many things but that was tragically not one of them </3 #opera tag #yes im stirring the pot of boiling liquid shit and putting this post gently into the main tag #*luisA tetrazzini ofc #lol and lmao im out FOR blood* shdgsjsghs

[mcybree]

Ok ok ok I'm not Tryna start discourse but bluestars prophecy was my first ever warriors book and bluestar will always be my favourite so I'm gonna make some counterpoints to you about her being a Smajor character

bluestar has always been led by an intense loyalty and dedication to those she loves and cares for - this includes her mum, her sister, her clan, eventually Firepaw when he joins the clan, and she has a VERY strong moral compass when it comes to doing the right thing - when she sees thistleclaw teaching tigerpaw to hurt a then baby scourge she very much discourages it and is against it

Afaik scott is Not like that, he doesn't have an emotional or love-driven moral code, he does things because they're smart decisions in the long term or because he wants to. Granted I havent seen a ton of his stuff but I have seen his limited life and 3rd life perspectives and he is very much a singular team player there, there to look after himself and well if people align with him that's great he's got allies (jimmy and Martyn) but he won't go out of his way to care for them

Bluestars defiance of starclan in the first series is BECAUSE she gave herself to them and what the warrior code demanded so much - yes she broke clan rules by having kids with crookedstar but she did everything in her power to make sure they'd have a happy life and felt terrible that thrushpelt was willing to say they were his to save her reputation. She didn't do it out of a selfish want, she only ever wanted to help her clan and those she loved, and her becoming clan leader is emblematic of that want. When she rejects starclan so wholeheartedly in the first series it's because THINGS KEEP GOING WRONG WHEN SHES TRIED SO HARD TO STOP THEM FROM DOING THAT - starclan has never cared about the sacrifices she made to keep her loved ones and clan safe, she lost her mother, her sister, her kits, her mate, literally everything, and things STILL KEEP GETTING WORSE. it's not a demand that she deserves to have everything good, it's a cry for help that shouldn't something go right after she's tried so hard???

C!Scott isn't like that. He puts himself above others and inherently believes he will get the best if he just plays his cards right, and he is good at it, he's very competent at lasting a long time in life series and getting what he wants - the ruthlessness of gem driven by desperation kills him in secret life, Martyn's complete fucking about face kills him in limited life, and I'm pretty sure it's etho who gets him out in 3rd life by luck. He doesn't plan to look after the ones he cares about, because he cares about himself first and foremost. Yeah you can argue when he doesn't get what he wants he gets annoyed, but his is less of a 'why don't I get this don't I deserve it' and more of a 'oh fuck this didn't work. Ok new plan double down on getting what I want by appeasing to people cos they're easy to read and therefore account for'

I don't doubt Scott would make a bluestar adjacent character if he made a warrior cats oc BUT his character would honestly be closer to darktail or ashfur than bluestar and that's that on that.

(sorry you activated 13 year old me's unskippable cutscene sjdjsjsjja this isnt meant to be a serious argument I just love bluestar a lot and love talking about her)

OKAY 1. this is fucking awesome thank you 2. i am going to do something new and exciting (advocate for scott instead of beating him to death with sticks) because unfortunately this bluestar info has only made me believe she is a smajor character even more.

As a general note when I talk about smajor characters as a collective here I’m referring to characters more in the realm of esmp/traffic/rats/pirates/etc, less vampire scott or necromancer scott who are intended to be villainous.

Scott characters tend to operate under a “If I am not a Good Person I may as well die” rule, and consequently abide by a strict moral code to keep themselves feeling clean. For instance: traffic Scott will never go back on his word, he will avoid dishonesty, and he won’t take from others unless he is sure that he can repay them. He will never betray his seasonal primary ally (even when they betray him first), and will often give people things just because they asked him nicely. He stakes a lot of his own identity on this, because it is through being a “good person” that he justifies his superiority (and, by extension, his own existence); in his mind he deserves the best and *is* the best because he is such a good person. When things don’t go his way, he thinks he doesn’t deserve it because he has been nothing but good, so he tries to place a reason. He often assumes that somebody must “have a vendetta” against him, even if this somebody is the world (see: him asking if limlife episode 1 boogeyman is some kind of joke played on him for not giving in to the boogey curse in Last Life.) which is very Bluestar to me, convinced that her misfortunes are a divine punishment.

This is all to say that Scott does have a strict moral code and deep sense of loyalty. Being a “good person” and devoted partner in the ways he understands it are so ingrained into what he is that I think he definitely has the capacity to be a Bluestar if he were raised being taught clan values, even if his internal systems are often built around never letting gross emotions be fully felt rather than what those emotions compel him to do.

#ive always wanted to partake in pointless character debate on tumblr #considered maintagging this but didnt want people looking at your ask weird. sorry yall we serve fucked up scott here #“But bree” you might ask “what about pearl? He wasnt a very devoted partner then!” #and to that I say: pearl isnt a person to him. and neither is jimmy. Scott fucked up with both of them and unfortunately if he is not good- #and justified 100% of the time he loses his entire identity so convincing himself that they are incompetent or crazy so that he #doesnt have to self reflect is how he gets by. he would literally rather kill himself than earnestly admit fault for anything #… huh. about the above tags I dont remember the lore but is there any parallel there with the whole bright heart thing #genuine question bc I do not remember why blue star did that and I dont trust the wiki #(Trying to space out names so they dont tag) #I really hope this makes sense btw bc I feel like I usually list a lot more examples… but im tired #I can elaborate on any point here if need be ig. I dont talk about this aspect of him often because the literal entire fandom does already #Every scott analysis post out there is about his damn loyalty… anyways yeah scotts loyalty is transactional more often than emotional but #It’s still loyalty and also. hard to draw the line between where the emotions stop sometimes because he can stop giving a fuck about— #most things on a whim. How much scott genuinely cares about something is a forever undefinable concept #asks #he is genuinely a very good ally to have usually. like jimmy was very much the exception there #he does like helping people out he does. he’s just also emotionally detached so he tallies his favors and good deeds to bring up later if— #someone he’s helped decides to go against him. If that makes sense #sorry man I just keep talking. I love this blue animal……. #thanks for the ask genuinely I love when paragraphs about characters #anyways im gonna pass out and. Shakes myself STOP ADDING MORE TAGSSS i think im so tired man

[unforth]

Unpopular opinion: the heavy push toward anti-advertising on Tumblr does nothing to harm the advertisers you hate but is doing a huge amount of damage to small businesses who rely on reblogs to get the word out about their stuff.

#unforth rambles #i have so many rants stored up about the infuriating nature of anti advertising #and how it boils down to i dont want to know about new things unless my friends tell me organically #well how do you think your friend found out #somewhere along the line someone needs the ad shoved in their face or else the thing is completely invisible #i could really write 5k words on how frustrating it is #and how huge corporations and prime adding ads and youtube ads none of that is affected by your i wont reblog ads activism #who is affected are the small time creators who started on tumblr and rely on tumblr and are making things tumblr has said they want #like queer books and xxxxl skirts and indie games and and and #youre so bad at capitalism but youre only hurting your own #its exhausting tbh #anyway maybe yall should rethink your syances on advertising #tho the only people who will see this are people who already know and support me and others like me #so im preaching to the choir #im sorry yall youre doing enough and i love you #i dont know how to force the people who ACTUALLY need a wake up call on this to see this post #i can remember a time when if a business started from tumblr with actual fandom people everyone was excited and it spread like fire #now the minute we try to sell things made by tumblr based creators were categorized as just as evil as megacorps #and honestly wtf why

[hoodies-n-cola]

Hope you're doing okay! I miss your posts 😢

🥺😭 this really does mean a lot to hear, thank you so much anon ♡♡

Things have been a bit touch and go, I'm trying to be here for my friends who need me while also dealing with my own stuff n it's got me wrapped up in a heavy brain fog where I just can't seem to think of stuff to draw

Even then most of my drawing energy has been put into rebooting my ask blog @ask-edd and doing drawings for it when necessary

I do genuinely wanna post here more and keep up my drawing energy and such, maybe yall can send requests in if you've got any

Idk if I wanna do a fun little song based one or maybe I can reblog an expression challenge or something or just give yall free reign idk

Maybe one day I can just do a request stream in my EW server (which is linked on the ask-edd blog if you wanna join)

#slightly venty/negative tags but like #i forget sometimes that im a whole person that people remember and know things about #so hearing that someone actually misses me and wants me back just gets me all teary eyed and means the world to me ♡ #i would genuinely love for this to be a daily post blog #even if it's just talking to yall or posting sketches #i just cant seem to form ideas without some kind of prompt or even be able to focus in general #im constantly getting distracted and side tracked and it sucks #i just wanna draw all day like i used to 😭😭😭 #but yeah ramble over thank you again for the ask ;-; #ask

[greyeyedmonster-18]

(i just wanted to pass along a little thank you for everyone.

i am actually still baffled that a lot of yall are still here now that we're in month...idk 4 of no fics or barely fandom stuff? Really since July, I haven't posted much of anything and idk.

thanks for sticking around in hopes that I'll write other things again some day! we appreciate it!

we appreciate the continued comments on my fics

i see that NMTW is a breath away from 800 kudos which is fucking wild to me. a fic i thought no one would like, literally not a single soul would like.

ten reasons is making the rounds in a little fan fic book club?? which is ????i cannot.

even my moonchaser fics are getting some love; and the fic that shall not be named

so a thank you to all the folk who have gone back to re-read old fics and scroll through my blog and comment/reply/send an ask that says "wow this is still lovely!"

thank you <3)

#but to be quite honest #i dont have any wolfstar ideas in my head #i want to write a starking but idk if that'll happen #and i know ive made jokes about retiring from writing #and retiring in general tbh lololol #but like it feels like it might be true this time around #so many things have happened in my life over the past year #for the good and for the wild and I'm in a transition point right now #and im trying to figure out how fanfic fits into that--how my romance fits into that #idk yall #im also not just being melodramatic about this either #i remember last year at this time i was editing and posting CMA #and writing NMTW #and had weekly dribbles being put out here and artwork??? #helllloo remember when i drew? #so much of my life has shifted #and as someone who has always written romance as a way to find hope in love stories that...arent exactly love stories #im finding that i really need to invest myself in my own real life love stories atm #because like...head in the clouds and i get caught up in the STORY of it without. knowings whats real #not only that but like...no plot bunnies. none. #i think i was searching for something here when i started writing fanfic #maybe? #idk. #but i also think maybe i found it. #thanks for sticking around in the meantime though

[starlooove]

Some of y’all forget the canon fodder is supposed to be canon fodder

#yall acting like that loa thing means tim doesn’t care for human life or is neutral about killing #it’s the same argument as Bruce doesn’t kill ppl but he beats them till they bleed out #first of all convo that’s been had In universe #and second of all. idk how to say this #like how to word it #but like. it’s like if someone spoke about how Bruce’s parenting exacerbates so many of the other bats interpersonal issues #and someone responded with ‘Bruce can’t be a bad parent bc he’s nice to civilians all the time and hugged each of his kids at least twice!’ #like. ok. and. #that doesnt negate what he’s doing or what the narrative is choosing to focus on #sorry this is about tim #i hate the convo that tim is chill with killing bc it’s just. more giving him characterization that’s not really there #as far as I remember the blowing up the base wasn’t treated with any narrative importance #and #yknow what I’m gonna draft this and I might fix it later I’m rambling #or I’ll post as is in a draft dump idk #anyways if editing; point out how the lack of care towards those assassins is rooted in racism #and unfortunately they’re not seen as human beings worth mourning or worrying about killing for by the narrative #and through extension they’re not worth mourning or debating the code about to tim #technically logically we know ppl had to have died #within the narrative tho they don’t matter and using that to explain Tim’s utter apathy just looks bad when u realize they don’t matter not #just bc they’re background characters but bc they’re evil brown background characters #it’s the weight of dick beating the joker to death vs the weight of dick prolly scrambling some goons brains with the escrima stick #and tbh taking it fully seriously and debating how it might be to tim would be fine #if this wasn’t just used as another ‘tim is so badass!’ w/o actually exploring his character and how this may impact it #it’s like if they said Bruce doesn’t actually care about his killing code bc he’s prolly killed ppl by beating them before #maybe technically but not narratively! and that’s bc background characters (some of the time. don’t be stupid) are not really ppl #it’s like that ‘getting shot by the sniper so the main character knows there’s a sniper’ trend #getting beat silly by Batman so the audience knows how tough he is #but with no regards to realistic damage #getting blown up by Red Robin so the audience knows how cool is

[dandyshucks-moving]

proship ppl don't always like the shit you mentioned. You meant comship lol.

This is the only thing I'm ever going to answer or say about any of this subject on here. This blog is literally just a very silly and self indulgent space where I'm having fun, and I despise this subject in its entirety. The only reason I am answering this is to have something to point to in case it ever comes up again so I don't have to say anything further.

I could not give less of a hoot about the label somebody uses. If you think fiction has no affect on reality, and/or if you think creating (in any form) jerk-off material about kids is even remotely okay or normal, then I need you to leave and block me. Doesn't matter what label you use - just block me so I do not interact with you. I'm not interested in arguing; at the end of the day, underage and incest fiction make me incredibly uncomfortable, and that's reason enough to avoid it.

The reason I specified any label at all in my pinned post is because I think sometimes people skim through pinned posts to find that word specifically so they know if somebody is safe to follow or not. I included it to be easily visible so people will know I'm safe to follow. I'll probably take it out honestly at this point to avoid ... [gestures at this ask] happening again, and if someone can't be bothered to read through the post and see my clearly laid out stance, then that's on them.

#this is also making me laugh a little tbh like... you saw my sideblog with its silly pfp ... #... and u thought ''yeah this is someone I need to anonymously Um Ackshually about this'' ???? hello???? #i am absolutely FASCINATED by your thought process sjdfjkl but also please do not attempt to converse further w me about this #im just having fun over here my friend. what are u doing. why did u think this was needed LOL #gave me a good opportunity to lay things out though sdfjkl #dandyshucks #hmm i should add a tag to find it later for quick reference in case it comes up again. uhhh what am i going to remember later LMAO #stance #yeah we'll go with that fsdjkl #also yall let me know if you need this CWd at all !!! i am unsure if it needs any CW tags so pls feel free to lmk !! #i won't be posting anything like this ever again so this will be the Only Post here about any of this stuff!

[justasadboi]

I love when people like post from forever ago because they are like sad and ominous and I don’t even remember what I was talking about at this point lmao

#bpd #someone liked a post from February of 2021 about having too much tea to spill #and it’s funny as fuck cause I don’t even remember what I was talking about #my memory loss is no joke yall

[zeawesomebirdie]

So I subscribed to Tricycle (a like, 30+ year old Buddhist magazine) the other day and they do regular haiku contests, and they also have classes and stuff about how to write haiku. I've never really been one for poetry before, but thch after going through their backlog of haiku and stuff I think I might give it a try at some point

#just screaming into the void #oh dear me is that becoming a regular tag on here? #i think it is #but anyway #i run into issues with my fics where someone finds a riddle or a song or whoever whatever but bc im trash at poetry i never end #up getting to include those segments #idk #haiku seems like a good entry point since im already here on the buddhism train #im literally just rambling lmao #but remember when i used to be able to write proper one shots? #man those were the days #anyway #if i ever dredge up the confidence to attempt haiku ill post about it #love yall

[pandoratheprocrasticreator]

you know that subsection of owl house fans? you know, the one who keeps coming up with power fantasies where alador blight “redeems” himself by Putting His Wife In Her Place and Asserting Himself As The Benevolent Authority Figure Of The Family. it comes from a fundamentally mistaken view that alador isn’t completely aware and onboard with that his wife is doing. ppl probably think this bc he’s neurodivergent and therefore he cant POSSIBLY be a bad father without the interference of an Evil Woman Who Doesnt Know Her Place

its fascinating how fans will (rightfully) call disney out for being backwards on their policy around queer characters all while their own perception of women still rests squarely in the 1970s

#owl house #toh #alador blight #odalia blight #misogyny #this is because of the discourse thats been going on ever since they were introduced #but also because after the last alador episode yall have become so insufferable #i saw this one post where someone was like #i want alador to tell odalia that she doesnt deserve to be a blight and never has #which #the children should be doing that not her fucking husband like holy shit #do you even understand the sexist implications of this #yall hate women so much its not even funny #this guy doesnt need to grow a spine #he already has one #and hes using it to abuse his children with his wife #he needs to talk to his children and realize their happiness is more important that social status and profit #which is also what odalia needs to realize #remember in reaching out he just said he'll get odalia to back off on amitys hair color #literally not a word about the emperors coven or anything else amity is upset about #and even then only because amity proved herself as being really good at abominations #anyway feel free to defend either of the blight parents or dont #i dont believe a redemption arc is something that a character deserves rather than something that just happens to them #bc by definition a redemption is when theyre shitty and they learn to be good #so if theyre good enough to deserve an arc they dont need one #its more if you think a character is interesting enough to justify a redemption #because having them work with the heroes would be more interesting in the long run #but anyway regardless of whether either of both blight parents get 'redeemed' #if i see yall being sexist assholes under the guise of #'uwu but theyre abusive so its okay to call odalia a bitch and wish that her husband would tell her to shut up and maybe do violence'

[dulcewrites]

Your post about the constant misreading of both Alicent and Rhaenyra was so good I wish I could had it printed on a shirt. Like omg yes, PERFECT TAKE

I’m just gonna assume you mean the most recent one bc I (unfortunately) have quite a bit of post about the bad faith misreading of Alicent, and other characters lol. But thank you ❤️

#I promised myself to not many of them bc frankly I felt like it opened me up to weirdos in my inbox #the vast majority of people who interact with those posts are cool and sometimes add interesting analysis #but I can’t take the back and forth drivel #also people who agree but then reblog in bad faith makes me ill lol #like I remember making a post a including how unhidged it is to talk about Alicent’s treatment then turn around and harass the women writers #and someone literally reblogged just to say they blame it on the? yep you guessed it female writers in the room #anyway this is convoluted but hiiiiii #if yall want to chat im here 🙂‍↕️ #hotd talk

[endtimers]

came 2 the realization earlier this week that im. definitely autistic. and i think ive kinda known that for a while but ive also felt really unwilling to admit it because i can make myself be normal most of the time. and then i took the cat q test and i was like ohhhhh. it's masking it's just all masking. that's why i feel so exhausted after leaving the house and having to socialize. that's why i feel like a fake person. that's why i have a pathological aversion to talking about anything i'm interested in. that's why i feel embarassed over anything remotely true to me. that's why i feel like i have to perform wherever i go. that's why i feel like if i ever let anyone see myself in my truest state they wouldn't like me at all. i don't know who i am because i've frankly just refused to let myself be. i've been told my entire life that who i am isn't right and that it needs to change and now that i've changed to emulate normalcy i'm just tired and sad and feel like nothing. sorry for the bummer post but i feel a little heartbroken over this. it's reached the point where i feel like i need to turn on the mask even when i leave my room at home. my dad thinks i spend too much time in there but it's the only place where i feel like i don't have to put on a show. i don't know how to make this not be a thing anymore.

#i remember. making lists of interests to tell people that i thought were socially acceptable. leaving out the things that i was actually #enthusiastic about because all ive been told is that my enthusiasm is something i should be ashamed of #idk yall im kinda going through it today. #ive spoken to ppl in my life about Being Yourself and unabashedly Doing What You Want #and i can't even do that myself at such a basic fundamental level #Like on all levels except physical i just feel like a fraud #i want to be known. i want somebody to be able to look at me as myself and like it. #but at the same time it's like ive convinced myself that's impossible #vent post #overall on a logical level i know this isn't true. because i know i'm capable of loving someone in the way i want to be loved. #and i cannot believe that i'm the only person like that. #it's just hard. to connect with people on deeper levels. #idk man