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dontaskmemybias · 10 months

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Needy

Pairing: Non Idol!Lee Felix x afab reader Request: Yes Theme: First Time. Established Relationship. Contains: Oral sex (f and m), Protected sex, cursing. Word Count: 2,514 Note: MINORS DNI!!! This is a work of fiction and does not portray any of the members irl. Sorry this took so long! I had friends in town then it was my birthday and yeah long story short I've been running around like crazy. I hope you enjoy!

It had been a month since you and Felix had started dating. Everything was amazing, the cuddles, the brownies he would bake you, and the cute kisses he would place all over your face. Felix always made sure you were comfortable with him, you felt like you could really tell him anything, so you told him everything.

Felix knew you were a virgin when you had started dating and he never teased you or made you feel pressured about it, always the gentleman. You had had some heated make out sessions before always initiated by him, but he never pushed it too far. You realized that if you were going to go past that it would be you who had to initiate it.

After a month of dating and a long time before that as friends you decided you were ready. You wanted to have sex with Felix. You had read your fair share of smut and watched porn and whatnot but you were still nervous and not exactly sure how to start it all, so you decided to take your favorite tropes and try them out.

That night you picked out a movie for the two of you to watch (there were some racy scenes you'd hoped would get him going) then you would invite him to spend the night and wear your most revealing nightgown (you had bought it for this occasion but you planned on saying it was 'the only thing you had clean') and then while cuddling in bed you would 'accidentally' rub against him.

The whole plan was perfect really, that was until your smoking hot boyfriend walked in in a pair of grey sweatpants and a tight fitted tank top, his silver hair messily pulled away from his face in a ponytail. You probably looked like a cartoon with your jaw on the floor and drool coming down your chin. Felix just smiled at you like he always did and came into your apartment. Once he was inside and took his shoes off he came over and gave you a tight hug.

"Hello gorgeous." His deep voice drifted into your ear and you shivered. You hoped he would just think you were cold. But Felix wasn't an idiot, he knew exactly what he was doing. He had found your fanfic account where you had read all your smut. He found the note in your phone with a list of your favorite tropes titled 'plan to lose my v-card' (who makes a note for that?!?) So he knew what you had planned for the night, why else would he come over in boy lingerie (grey sweatpants for heavens sake)

He pulled back and pecked your lips lightly, a tiny almost inaudible whimper left you when he pulled away from you.

"Are you hungry? I brought takeout." He looked back at you, frozen in place. You just smiled and nodded, your arousal gathering in your panties. You almost lost it and told him you were hungry for him but you had made a plan and damn it you were going to follow through.

~✨~

You and Felix had eaten dinner and now it was on to phase one of your plan: The movie. The movie was funny, a classic rom-com, but it did have quite a few steamy scenes that you'd hoped Felix would get worked up over.

What you had failed to think about was the fact that you would also get worked up.

It was the second steamy scene of the movie that really had gotten to you. You and Felix were cuddled up on the couch, your head on his shoulder with his hand on your thigh, drawing patterns mindlessly as you both watched the movie. You had your arms wrapped around Felix's middle and your feet tucked underneath you.

The scene that was unfolding on the screen had your face red and your arousal leaking into your panties. The girl on screen was bent over a desk, being pounded into from behind. The man lifted her by her neck until she was flush with his chest and he started rubbing circles onto her clit. This was your biggest fantasy playing out right in front of you and it took everything in you not to press your thighs together.

You didn't notice but your breathing had become a bit heavier, Felix's hand on your thigh gripped a little bit tighter.

Felix had been stealing glances at you through the whole movie but during this scene he couldn't take his eyes off of you. He saw the blush form on your cheeks, your breathing getting heavy, he knew you were thoroughly enjoying the scene.

It was as if your hands had a mind of their own. You didn't mean to move but before you knew it you had brought your hands down and under Felix's shirt, now softly caressing his bare skin.

"Someone is enjoying the movie I see." You snapped your head to face your boyfriend who was devilishly grinning down at you. It took you a second to realize that you were no longer touching a shirt but bare skin under your hands. Your blush deepened as you jumped back and started stammering out an apology.

"Where do you think you're going little one?" Felix moved so he was now towering over you, his hands placed on either side of your head. "Is someone feeling a bit needy?"

Oh god. Fuck the plan. This new side of Felix was doing something to you and if you wanted him before it was nothing compared to how much you wanted him now.

"Maybe." You said it softly, almost a whisper. He was close enough that he heard you but he wanted to have a little fun.

"Sorry beautiful I didn't quite catch that." He leaned in so he was less than an inch from your face now, you could feel his hot breath on your cheeks when he spoke. "You'll have to speak up princess."

A shiver ran through you as you tried to find your voice.

"Yes." Felix wanted to tease you more, he really did, but he was just as needy as you. He thought maybe you had wanted to wait a bit longer to be intimate with him so he had been holding himself back, but after finding the note? The private fanfic account? Not to mention seeing you so hot and bothered and needy for him? God it made his cock throb.

He crashed his lips onto yours and you let out a shameless moan when his hands began to wander. You were shaking with nerves and excitement. Felix felt and pulled back from you, a soft hand came to cup your cheek.

"You okay? You're shaking, am I moving too fast?" Felix's eyes were filled with worry and your heart filled with love for the freckled boy. You reached up and cupped his cheek.

"No, I'm just excited, and maybe a bit nervous?" He smiled warmly down at you and ran his thumb over the apple of your cheek.

"Don't be nervous baby, I'll go slow and walk you through it. How does that sound?" You smiled and nodded your head. Felix leaned down and kissed your nose before sitting up and pulling you with him. He pulled you into his lap and wrapped his arms around you. Then he stood up and carried you to your bedroom where he laid you down on the bed. "Let me know if you want to stop or need a break okay princess?" You smiled and nodded.

Felix leaned down and kissed your lips, then he moved over to you neck kissing and biting until you were squirming under him. He pulled at the hem of your shirt. "May I take this off?"

"Yes 'Lix please." He slowly pulled your shirt off and stared for a brief moment before he went back to work placing kisses all down your chest. His kisses got lower until he was at the hem of your pants. He looked up at you placing one more kiss before hooking his fingers in your pants. "What about these?" He asked, his breath hot on your skin.

"Please." Your voice was a whisper but he had heard you loud and clear. He took his time pulling your pants down and once they were off he ran his hands up and down your bare thighs.

"You are so fucking beautiful Y/N. You have no idea." Before you could speak Felix lowered himself so he was within inches of your clothed core. He took a deep inhale through his nose. "You smell so fucking good too, can I taste?" He said while playing with the lace on the hem of your underwear.

"Yes 'Lixxie please, take me." He smiled before pulling down your panties, taking less time than he had with your pants. You supposed he was also feeling needy at this point.

Every thought left you when he licked a fat stripe up your bare pussy, humming at the taste of you.

"Fuck princess you taste incredible, better than I had imagined." After that he dove in. He wanted to make your first time memorable and enjoyable so he took his time, noting anything that made you cry out louder and doing it over and over again. Your hand came down to gently tug at his hair, your way of telling him he was doing a good job. Felix ate you out like it was his job, making sure you were enjoying it.

" 'Lix fuck I-I'm gonna cum." You moaned out. His efforts doubled as he sent you headfirst into bliss. Licking and sucking you through your orgasm Felix didn't stop until you pulled his hair a little tighter. He finally detached from you and you pulled him up to slam your lips into his.

"Fuck baby the noises you make, I almost lost it down there." Felix looked almost as fucked out as you with his messy hair from you tugging at it.

" 'Lix I need to feel you, please, I want you so bad." You whined at him. Your begging almost made him lose it but he got his shit together again, this was your first time and he wanted to give you everything an more. You leaned over and pulled a condom out of you nightstand, Felix took it from you and placed it between your teeth.

"Hold that for a second baby." It wasn't until he stood up that you realized he still had all his clothes on. He stripped his shirt off and tossed it on the ground then locked eyes with you as he started undoing his belt buckle.

"I'm going to treat you so well baby, just like my princess deserves." He said while pulling his pants down and kicking them across the room. Now standing before you in just his boxers you could fully see the prominent tent he had been pitching since he first tasted you. Your eyes locked onto the little wet patch of precum that was staining the fabric of his boxers as he slowly started to pull them down.

You had seen dicks before in porn but seeing Felix's cock spring free from his boxers was something else entirely. You felt excited and nervous but mostly you felt happy. Giving yourself to Felix felt right.

Felix came back to the bed and held your chin up so the edge of the condom wrapper stayed in your mouth. He tugged and ripped the package open then slid it onto his length.

"Are you ready princess?"

"More than ready 'Lixxie." He smiled and led you to lay back on the bed. He lined himself up with your entrance with one hand and intertwined your fingers with his on the other.

'Tell me if you need me to stop okay baby?" You nodded your head and he leaned down and pecked your lips.

He slowly pushed into you and you moaned at the sensation. You were so wet from cumming earlier that he slid in easily. You remembered friends telling you that their first times hurt but this didn't hurt that much (you attributed it to your dildo thanking your past self for the purchase)

Felix slowly pushed in until he bottomed out and gave you a minute to adjust. "Fuck princess, so tight, so warm." He all but groaned into your neck.

"You can move now 'Lixxie, please move." You moaned. Felix didn't need to be told twice. He started slowly, still holding your hand, his other wrapped around your waist. He began to pick up speed and your moans got louder. You could feel your high approaching again as he rocked into you and tears pricked at the corners of your eyes as he continued to make you feel good.

"Are you okay princess?" Felix noticed your tears and slowed down his movements.

"Yes, just f-feels so -fuck-fucking good 'Lixxie please don't s-stop." you cried out. When he was assured that these were good tears he picked up his pace again, slamming his hips into yours. You were gasping, whining, moaning, trying to tell him how good it felt but you couldn't find the words. When his hand moved from your waist to your clit you knew you wouldn't last long.

"FUCK 'LIX cum- I'm cum-" You couldn't finish your sentence because your second orgasm of the night came barreling into you and you let out the loudest moan of the night. Felix fucked you through it and your clenching walls almost sent him over the edge but he kept it together for you. Once your legs stopped spasming his hips started to faulter.

"Princess I'm close where do you want me?" As if that was a question, you had thought about this for days now.

"My mouth 'Lix, wanna taste you."

He groaned and pulled out of you and pulled the condom off. You opened your mouth and he laid the tip of his dick on your tongue. He started jerking himself but to his surprise you swatted his hand away and too his length into your mouth, jerking what you couldn't fit with your hand.

"Fucking hell princess look at you, sucking my dick s-so -fuck- so fucking well. Look so good with my cock in your mouth." You hummed around him and he let out a low moan.

"S-shit princess I'm cumming!" He groaned and then you felt his warm cum coating the inside of your mouth. You sucked a but more until he was done and then pulled off with a pop. Felix looked down at you and you smirked mischievously before opening your mouth and showing him his load. Felix's eyes went wide when a little bit spilled out of your mouth and onto your tits before you closed your mouth, swallowed, and opened it again to show him you had taken it all.

"Jesus Christ baby where did you learn that?" His face was beet red now and you giggled a bit.

"I read about it."

#skz smut #stray kids smut #felix smut #lee felix smut #stray kids hard hours #stray kids hard thoughts

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minniiaa · 1 month

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Sorry if this seems repetitive but I haven't been active on social media in yearsss

Is it true that there's a lot of lawlu hate on tiktok and Twitter? I'm so confused because there used to be so much love for the ship back in 2017/2018 from my perspective (Amino era).

The short answer: yes and no. Let me start by saying I'm not the best person to answer this since I purely consume on twitter. I made my personal twitter in 2007 like it's everyone I've ever known irl and has nothing to do with shipping or hobbies and I follow approx 0 accounts related to anime, manga, or lawlu. I just looked up lawlu a few times and browsed and suddenly it's my whole fucking timeline and there’s no going back and now I have a lawlu twitter (This makes me very happy).

So if anyone else has an opinion on this that is more in the community, please feel free to comment away. Otherwise, below are my observations.

First off, there IS a ton of love for the ship. Most of what I see is beautiful art (they got the nsfw ayo), memes, fanfics, and headcanons just like tumblr. There are tons of comments of people swooning over these posts, Lawlu IS one of the most popular OP ships after all.

There's just a vocal minority that are very against the concept of shipping and in that subset there are those who are very against Lawlu. There people out there that will literally list accounts to block that ship lawlu or write lawlu DNI in their bios. The same can be said for other ships, it's not just this one it’s any they deem a ‘pro ship’ (problematic ship) and Lawlu is generally considered one of these. Below as is an example:

The biggest issues I’ve seen with Lawlu are the following 1. luffy is aroace and cant be shipped period 2. law groomed luffy and the age gap is gross. IMO I think most of these people are just infantilizing Luffy as some goofy autistic kid that doesn't know what love and sex are when in reality he's very self-aware and happy does not equal stupid. Also he's 19 he’s not underage. He met Law twice when he was 17, one of which was saving his life as a doctor and Luffy was unconscious most of this time. Let's not forget Luffy's a war criminal kicking the asses of people 4x his age in a pirate world, age doesn't really work the same as irl.

BUTTT Not that any of this matters because you can ship whoever the fuck you what because guess what? It's ~fiction~. I could rant about how people can ship whatever the hell they want all day but I'll save my breath for now. (my opinion of course)

Also there are just mentally ill people who enjoy telling others to kys if you like something they like do. Lawlu shippers are just their chosen target demographic. Creators get foul messages in their inboxes, rude comments, just general hater behavior. Twitter is just a firey cesspool and all fandoms have 'fans' who do nothing but hate. We live in an age of negativity where being a hater is the cool thing to do.

HOWEVER, I see more people posting about why those people are wrong and stupid than the actual negative tweets but maybe that's because I actually support the ship and the algorithm sees that. Not sure how twitter works, nor do I want to know about that dumpster fire there's a reason I came over to tumblr.

As for tiktok, I don't really consume a lot of tiktok so I can't speak on it besides seeing cosplayers and cute animations/art. I'll leave that to the tiktok people to look into.

For argument's sake, I went through the lawlu tag and picked some lovely tweets to share with you so you can see the toxicity for yourself. Sadly only 10 images per post but I think you get the point. Thanks for the ask hope this was informative. :)

#Lawlu #anti shipping #shipping #asks

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olderthannetfic · 9 months

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Tumblr seems to be sliding in a downward spiral, and it feels like the start of the end of a fandoming era for me. I've been through it before; platforms are born then die, and life fandom finds a way. I'm just not looking forward to floundering for a bit, and dreading what the next hub will look like.

AO3 isn't really a place geared or meant for the same thing, and that's fine. My only fandom-related activity took place on AO3 only for a few years between my leaving LJ and joining Tumblr, and I lived ;-) But during that time, I was my own little island in fandom. Reading, leaving a few comments, not being super active. It's only when I found a community again that I was back to being really active in fandom once more.

And it's not that I actually use Tumblr to post about myself, but I do use it to read and reblog cool things - art, gifsets, science stuff, discovering new fandoms, and the like. I'm not sure where else I could find my people, with sameish purposes. The other sites I've tried didn't fill that niche in a way that suited me, in part because of how they look and work, in part because of who and what is(n't) there.

I have DW & PF accounts just to be safe, but I'm not very fond of group chats Discord-style - and without Tumblr, IDK how I'd even hear of new communities where I might pop in once in a while, loins girdled and everything. The micro-blogging platforms are not what I'm looking for either. Sure, I can follow a few DW comms and blogs; I already occasionally do and I will be more consistent about it if I must.

But one of my greatest fear is that the next platform will be phone-based, app-only, or some such BS - and that is something I just won't be able to deal with. Phones are tiny, it's uncomfortable to write anything, I don't like touch screen and much, much prefer a proper keyboard and a mouse (copy-pasting on a screen? (x_x) << it me), art/pics are too small to properly appreciate, a phone isn't comfy to hold for a long time for me, and the app system means you have no control over anything as a user… and that anything there must be Apple Approved, dick-free, blood-free, and tasteless. And I say this as someone who's pretty much uninterested in sex IRL or in my entertainment ;-) I still support and want the tits, the gore, the everything, and as long as I have the tools to curate - oh, wait. Curate things myself? That's not something that's popular these days, is it? It's not going to generate money, if I'm happy ;-)

So… I guess I'll play some more on Neocities, and see if anyone wants to have webrings again? (it would be fun and nostalgic, but not really viable on a large scale; people who haven't known those would just laugh and point and go on the InstaTok of the time).

So here is my little cane-waving rant of the day! I know things evolve and change and that in ten years I'll be rolling my eyes at my moping. It's only that I feel tired of moving from one shitty platform to another, of fearing I won't adapt (or more accurately won't want to adapt given the annoyance/benefit ratio) to whichever new place things will move in a few years. It's saying goodbye to a former home, moving, and hoping you'll make another home elsewhere kind of sniffles today!

We already know the next platform. It has been Discord for a few years now.

If you want the one after Discord, I think you're looking at waiting things out for quite a few years (or until Discord makes a major misstep as a company).

True, real time chat is not for everyone, but small discords with well-chosen channels can operate more asynchronously. Just like a lot of people who hated the look of Tumblr early on eventually capitulated, a lot of chat haters have jumped ship to Discord already.

Realistically, 90% of fandom always goes where the action is, no matter how much they claim the features make that space impossible, and 10% disappears.

We might get the 10% back on the next platform or they might leave fandom for good. There were LJ-haters who resurfaced post LJ era.

But as for where you'll find out where people are... probably AO3 author's notes.

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the-captain-mangle · 5 months

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Inbox: 3/5

Requests: Closed!

(Read the request etiquette before sending a request)

What I do

Stimboards

Moodboards

Xeno suggestions

Pfps

Character outfits (Closed)

Username suggestions (Closed)

Want something not listed? just ask, and i might do it!

Dni

Basic dni, transmed, misogynists, detrans kinks, any kink accounts of any sort, dark/immoral-ships, bullies, jerks in general, anti multispec gays/lesbians, gender/sexuality police, etc

About the blog

You can refer to us as Mangle, Foxy, or The Rot (note, The Rot is a separate part of us (kind of like an alter, but not actually an alter.) so if you refer to her she'll be the one replying

I instinctively tag things as kins, so if you dont want that please let me know!

i will NOT do extreme gore or any graphic content involving veins or eyes

in your requests please give me a theme you want me to do

i am not taking mod applications

We love getting promo requests

If we're an anon on your blog, we use the signoff "Capt. Mangle" (note: if we dont reblog/like what you made for us, we probably didnt see it! for some reason our tumblr doesnt give us notifications when we go on anon.)

Sometimes we refer to ourself using we/us/ours, but this blog is ran by one person

We have trouble doing comfycore or any emotion (hope, sadness, happiness, etc), so if you want that we reccomend going to another blog, but we can do our best!

Follow my main, @strzbzr

Anon list + how to become an anon + whitelist and blacklist + about the blog owner under the cut

Anon list

🐊 Anon, 🛡️ Anon, 🧺🎞️ Anon, essay anon, 🌈🎀 anon, 🐀🕸️ Anon, 🦝🎸/🍥🦴 Anon, Infected Anon, Spook anon, Chat/Vex anon, Mx. Nibbly anon

(did you ask to be an anon or use your signoff and youre not on this list? let us know! we'll fix it asap)

How to become an anon

all you have to do is use your signoff or ask me! the signoff can be letters, words, or emojis! as long as it isnt either taken by someone already or offensive/problematic, you can use it!

Whitelist (note: you can request other fandoms! these are just fandoms i know well / or arent commonly accepted on these types of blogs!)

(note no.2: I DO NOT WANT DISCOURSE HERE. the reason i allow problematic sources is to provide a safe space for everyone and accommodate for as many people as im comfortable with. If you try to start any discourse with me, you will be blocked.)

❤️ = favorites to do, 🩷 = ones we like to do, 🧡 = neutral, 🖤= fandoms we arent in/dont know anything about but still accept

Fandoms commonly accepted

Fnaf 🩷

Your turn to die 🩷

Oddities Roleplay / Minecraft Fnaf Roleplay ❤️

Welcome Home 🧡

The amazing digital circus 🧡

Danganronpa (games) 🧡

Danganronpa (anime) 🖤

Sonic 🧡

Springtrap and Mangle / S.A.M (Au by Quiettomato) ❤️

Slice of life (Fnaf au) 🧡

Regretevator ❤️

DDLC 🖤

Cookie run kingdom 🖤

Invader zim🖤

And some others I might have forgotten! (more on the carrd)

Fandoms commonly not accepted (please note that i do not support most of these!)

Boyfriend to Death 🩷 8:11 ❤️

Nekopara (NOTE: im only willing to do the characters who look like adults, the ones that look like kids give me the ick, sorry) 🖤

Dream smp / any smp in general 🖤

Most games with ns/fw (as long as the request is sfw)

The coffin of Andy and Leyley 🖤

Super Sonico 🧡

You and me and her 🧡

Blacklist

Alfreds Playhouse

Monster high (personal reasons)

Fandoms that entirely revolve around something super bad (not sure what counts? just ask me!)

About the blog owner

Our fictkins: The Mangle, Amy Rose, Streber (Spooky month), Pest (Regretevator), Beetle (8:11)

Our irls: Ryker Dublin, Sara Chidouin, Funtime Foxy (tor)

Kinsidering: Empty!

Our traumakin: Shin Tsukimki

Our regression kin: Ruby gloom

Our pronouns: bug/she/it/him/they/xe/exe/nyan

Our sexuality: Gay, multispec (quoigender), Polyam, demisexual

#NAVIGATION TAGS ::#🦴 SOON YOU WILL LOOK JUST LIKE ME! ♡ ACCEPTED #🦴I WANTED TO WAIT UNTIL JUST THE RIGHT MOMENT TO DROP IN! ♡ DENIED #🦴 THEY'RE ALL JUST JEALOUS OF HOW PRETTY I AM ♡ STIMBOARD #🦴NOW I GET TO PLAY TAKE APART AND PUT BACK TOGETHER! ♡ MOODBOARD #🦴i must be made whole! ♡ pfps #🐊 anon #🛡️anon #🧺🎞️ anon #🦴 after this is all over dont be a stranger. ♡ non kin post #🦴so many pieces! so little time! ♡ outfit suggestions #essay anon #(dont tell anyone but essay anon is my favorite at the moment!)#🌈🎀 anon #🐀🕸️ anon #🦴i know i put that piece somewhere..♡ username suggestions #🐾💫 anon #🍥🦴 anon #🦴 now.. wasnt that worth the wait? ♡ favs #chat anon #vex anon #🦝🎸 anon #Mx. Nibbly #🦴 see? i can be put back together again ... ♡ xeno suggestions

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snailsgoingdowntown · 2 years

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Dirty Little Secret | Xiao x Camgirl! Reader

College au that’s also kind of friends with benefits au.

Summary: He found out your secret. And you’re pushing aside your dignity to keep his mouth shut.

Warnings: blackmail, Xiao being an ass. Like. Damn. I wanted to punch him my self and I’m the one who wrote this. Threats of physical violence, xiao trying to make himself not look like an ass.

Nsfw warnings: Protected vaginal sex, fingering, oral (m receiving), riding, cowgirl position, implied dubcon the first time they almost do it a + when they actually do it the first time. it’s only mentioned though. Loss of virginity

Please tell me if I missed any warnings.

To be honest, I gave up halfway. I’m not really… satisfied with the end result. I could do better, I should do better, but sadly I’m not sure if I can even redo this. Like, the plot is kinda weird and the reader goes from ‘Fuck u” to “fuck me” during certain parts. Idk, it’s just weird.

Minors and ageless blogs dni unless you want to be blocked.

This blog contains dark content, so if you don’t like that, then don’t interact with me or my post(s). or I will block you if you have some shit on your dni like “dni if you support dc cuz that means you really do want ppl to get raped irl”. I have seen that shit too many times in today alone, and they had the gal to follow me.

For @ayatonomy Girls on Film Collab!

Thank you for letting me join and I hope you enjoy this!

I forgot to check the wc before adding all the warnings and notes. Sorry about that.

Unedited.

---

You had options.

You had choices that could either make it or ruin it. And if you were being brutally honest, both options were awful. Extremely awful, extremely fucked up and thus, made you distracted from your day-to-day life. After all, how could you concentrate on anything when the knowledge that someone you knew in real life, in the flesh, was holding your dirty little secret over your head like bait for a fish.

He had you, completely and brutally. And you weren’t sure what he had against you, what drove him to dig into those accounts deep enough to find yours. To take screen shots and screen record the videos you posted on it, face out of angle, the camera showing only from the breasts down majority of the time.

Despite your best efforts to hide your face, you had made a single but big mistake – in one of your videos, one of the earlier ones, you forgot to hide the recognizable trinkets that were in your room. Your dorm room rather, only preforming these perverted acts when your roommate is either at class or too busy to be in the room.

You managed to keep it a secret from her, you think. And, if by chance she did know (which is extremely likely) she’s either too embarrassed to say anything about it, or simply doesn’t care. She never alluded to it, however.

So, saying she does know about your… ‘streams’, you can’t say for sure she was the one who told Xiao, or not. Logically speaking, you could ask her… at the risk of telling her what was once a hidden secret. You’re not sure if she knows or if she doesn’t know.

When Xiao first came to you, one hand in his hoodie, the other holding his phone, you thought it was nothing. He didn’t say anything at first, simply staring hard at the screen. But he was blocking your way out of the library.

So, of course, you politely asked him to move. And he did, without uttering a word of rejection or apology. He just stayed quiet.

Until he spoke, words stabbing into you like a steaming knife.

“Didn’t know you were that perverted. Streaming yourself doing lewd things… fucking yourself with a dildo and even saying things they paid you to say. Surprised you didn’t show your face since you were already showing everything else off.”

Freezing in place, you couldn’t find any words. Even now, as the memory resurfaces, you cringe at yourself. You delayed your reply – hell, you didn’t even have to reply. But you were shocked and horrified, and before you knew it, you said something.

You don’t remember what exactly you said, but it was something along the lines of ‘What do you mean? I don’t have an OnlyFans account.”

“I never mentioned OnlyFans.”

And that was mistake number two. You’re not sure which mistake was worse – leaving recognizable objects in sight or letting your mouth run on auto pilot. Maybe they were both equally bad.

And from there…. From there, he just looked at you. Teal dyed hair bright under the library lights, golden eyes sharper than usual. He stared at you, and you stared back, time slowing down. You remember the way you couldn’t breathe, the way he just… stood there.

“You could have played it off. But you didn’t, so all you did was confirmed my suspicions.”

No matter, you wanted to say. You wanted to attempt to at least laugh it off and say he played around too much. That you didn’t know he could be such a jokester.

And so, your dirty secret was revealed under the bright, bright lights that suddenly felt a little too bright. And of course, he followed through with the classic blackmail. It reminded you of a manga you read, once.

Where the male lead blackmailed the girl into pretending to date him so his parents could get off his back. But with time, they started to genuinely fall for each other.

But this wasn’t a manga. There was no particular reason he chose you, nor did it make any sort of sense. Because he didn’t want to tell you, enjoying the way you squirm under pressure. Xiao wasn’t madly in love or even obsessed with you, as you would later find out. He just so happened to come across your account due to one of his friends showing him, and the body type just reminded him of you.

So, he dug a bit deeper, gross curiosity getting to him.

Granted, he knows what he’s doing, what he did, was extremely wrong, but since he already had the information, might as well use it, right?

He knew your dirty little secret and you opened yourself for attack. You want to blame him, and he wants to blame you.

You remember the way the corner of his lip lifted the tiniest bit as he held back a smirk. Even now, the memory of it makes your blood run cold.

“Would be a shame if your family, or even the school were to find out about this. Could get expelled, probably. And your poor family… they would be really disappointed, wouldn’t they?” he showed you the phone screen, your OnlyFans displayed. You tried to swipe his phone, moving towards Xiao only to trip over yourself.

And by the Devil, you fell onto him, chest pressed against his, Xiao stumbling a bit back into the door frame. And just like that, you decided that you despised him. Not because of the boner he was uncomfortable with himself, but because he had whispered into your ear after the shock wore off.

“Didn’t think you would throw yourself at me like this. That desperate to hide your dirty little secret?”

And back to the present, you had two options.

Option one: Tell your parents, your friends, that you were a cam girl to get a bit more pocket money.

Option two: Admit defeat and go to him with your tail tucked between your legs.

Both were horrible because option one would obviously well, ruin your life. Your parents would be disappointed in you and probably regret having you, and your friends would start to look at you differently. And who’s to say that your male friends won’t tease you for it?

Or even try to convince you to sleep with them.

Option two… option two, you don’t know how it would play out. You don’t know what he has in mind, if he’ll ask for money or for sex. Not sure if he would record a video of you doing something humiliating.

But if you don’t choose the options he gave you, he would reveal it to all.

You sigh, closing your eyes. Everything was a mess. Everything was… awful. And you’re not sure how to fix it or even how to sooth it over. Could you convince him?

You had an idea. An idea that probably won’t hit him (Or if it did, he didn’t think much of it, probably wanting you to suffer more) until you brought it up.

Another idea, adding to your original one. Would it work in the long one? You’re not sure. But considering who his father was – Zhongli, a former CEO of… you forgot what, honestly* - he would most likely want to avoid a scandal.

Hopefully.

With that in mind, you stand from your desk and text him, his unsaved number still in your phone from three weeks ago. From when all of this started.

Xiao was not… good with people. He wasn’t social, his friend group small and tight. Even then, they don’t know everything about him. But he doesn’t know everything about them, either. Secrets were surrounding everyone, everyone had something to hide. Him included.

And he was surprised to find out your own secret.

He came across your OnlyFans by chance. Happened to have a ‘friend’ (a classmate really, only sticking around to have Xiao tutor him without many complaints) who was subscribed to your account. And, attempting to get on Xiao’s good side, showed what was displayed on screen.

His eyes glanced over what was shown, not paying too much attention. Until he saw it. A very specific tee-shirt. A teddy bear that was on the bed in the background, grey covers with pink circle patterns. And… he remembers that mole on your thigh, accidently looking up your skirt when you were walking up the stairs with thigh highs.

The tee-shirt was a birthday present from Venti, he thinks, and like an idiot, you left it hanging from the edge of the bed. The teddy bear had a brown bow and was grey in color – a gift from Lumine, no doubt. Because he was dragged to your birthday part last year when you were still freshmen.

And the reason he recognized your bed covers was because your roommate – Lumine - dragged him into your dorm room, wanting help to move furniture once. But, he thought, it could have been someone else. Maybe they had a similar room. The same mole in the same place, even.

Now, he would be lying if he said he didn’t have perverted thoughts of you. About you.

Hiking your skirt up as he takes you from behind, your moans being muffled by his covers as Venti was away for classes. Sucking his cock, all wet and messy as drool covers his length. Riding him like your life depends on it – he had those thoughts on lonely nights.

But he also had those thoughts about other girls too, or even porn stars whenever he was too pent up. And those thoughts were few and between, too busy with classes or work, not enough time to even fantasize about fucking a girl, let alone get a girlfriend.

He wasn’t one for romance to begin with, causal one-night stands that happened once in a blue moon if he had the chance and was in the mood. So, he wasn’t in love with you. didn’t even talk to you outside of politeness or forced into it by a third party.

But Xiao was also a scumbag.

The moment he saw the account, his curiosity took over. So, like a reasonable and normal member of society, subscribed to you with a different gmail once he got back to his dorm. He whistled at the price – twenty dollars per month. Alright, he guessed.

He has to respect the hustle.

He had scrolled through your videos and pictures, finally finding the video his classmate showed him. Originally, he thought it was fairly recent. He was proven wrong when he looked at the posting date.

You had posted the video five months ago. Upon scrolling down further, he found that it was your third video. You started five months ago, it seems, still amateurish at the time for obvious reasons. He should have left it there. But then he got more curious.

What would be your reaction if you found out Xiao knew about this?

He was mutual friends with your friends and met your parents at your birthday party. And well, you could be gullible at times. Not naïve, but gullible. And besides… it would… be nice to sleep with you, just once.

It’s been the only thing on his mind ever since he discovered your account.

And well, if you decide to play along, he’ll leave you be afterwards. As long as this was kept between you two only.

It’ll become your new dirty little secret.

And even if you said no… he would find something else to hold over your head. The choice was yours honestly. While it’s preferable, he won’t force you into sex. He would probably make you… do something else.

Like cleaning… no, that’s not a good idea. Probably have you do his homework for like a month or so. You’re better in English then he is anyway.

He’ll figure it out later. Something that won’t last long and wasn’t severe, and you two can say goodbye as soon as you graduate. Never to see each other again.

As much as he would like to fuck you if given the chance, he won’t chase after you if you said no. Truth be told, he was, more or less, using this as a form of entertainment. And once he had his fill, he would disappear just like that.

He knows you will too.

You couldn’t find it in you to hit send. The message was left as a draft, forever staying in the little bar. It could be used as evidence if someone were to ever look into your phone. Which is why you never used your phone to record your streams in the first place. It’s the most private thing a person could have these days.

Which is why you found yourself standing in front of his dorm room, the outfit you wore different from your usual wardrobe under a light coat. Long enough to cover majority of it, fishnet tights and heels on.

It was a holiday and most of the students were off to visit family, The college was basically a ghost town. And venti was gone for the week.

Xiao made a point in telling you that he was going to stay in the dorms.

You think he won’t expect this. He probably thinks you wouldn’t go for this approach. And that’s for the better, camera in hand as you gather the courage to finally knock on the door. You wait for a bit, only for nothing to happen.

Granted, you should have probably texted him. But that could have been risky. Then again, this was probably riskier because anyone could see the security cameras and they would see you go into Xiao’s room. And the fact you won’t leave for at least an hour, maybe less, maybe more, would give them the impression

And despite all that, you were still taking the chance.

Truthfully, in order to even do this, you had to… prepare yourself. A low setting that couldn’t be heard and was barely even felt due to your nerves.

“Fuck… why am I even doing this…,” taking in a deep breath, you knock again. only silence is returned, still holding in your breath. You let it go after a few more seconds, unable to hold it for any longer. Nervous, you fiddle with the camera.

Did he lie to you?

Or maybe he was asleep?

Gone out for a bit?

So many possibilities that cross your mind in the blink of an eye. You bite your lip, scared now. Worried. Not sure if he would show up or if he was even in his room.

Everything and anything was going through your mind, circling like a dog chasing its tail. Despite the chaotic state of your mind, you didn’t pace back and forth, instead standing in place. The only thing moving ere your hands, fidgeting with the camera.

Your thoughts were coming in waves, and you were drowning in them.

“…llo? Hey?”

Jumbled words leave your mouth in a scream, head snapping in the direction of the voice. To your right, there stands Xiao, hair slightly messy, hoodie and sweatpants adorning his figure. Heart still pounding a hundred miles per second, your camera drops to the ground as your hands clasp on your chest. You never understood why people often huff and pant in movies whenever they recover from a scare. Until now.

It really did feel like you were out of breath.

“Oh… oh, it’s you…” a sigh as your body finally relaxes, momentarily forgetting the reason you were here. Forgetting the entire situation, the reason why you were dressed in such an embarrassing outfit in the first place. Instead, only relief fills your system at the fact it’s just him.

Confusion colors his face, a bag of snacks hanging off his arm, hands in pocket. He wants to say something, question why you were here, but doesn’t. instead, he lets you recover from your fright, staring at you. He takes in your appearance.

A beige overcoat that stops just below the knees, fishnet tights covering your legs. Heels that made you a few inches taller. And then his eyes travel upwards… to see the bunny ears. Bunny ears. Fucking bunny ears.

This was supposed to be Christmas, not Halloween.

But then his eyes drop back to the ground, camera catching his attention. You brought along a camera. For what? To take pictures? Ah.

You must be doing cosplay –

“I swear to God that if you think I’m doing cosplay I will throttle you.” crossing your arms, you raise a brow. Sure, he barely – if ever – spoke to girls willingly. But he was attractive enough to gather some attention from themselves, yourself included for freshman year.

Surely, surely, he’s not dense enough to not realize the situation at hand, right?

Or maybe he was in denial because he was such a virgin.

“Um…,” your face and neck start to feel warm, remembering why you were here. You become meek, unable to look him in the eye. The camera catches your eye and as such, you squat down, knees close together and then you stand again. You fiddle with it.

“I… um… are you going anywhere today?”

“No,” he hides a yawn behind his hand, “I’m not. I was planning on… wait, why are you asking?”

You want to throttle him. You can’t tell if he was in a daze, the bags under his eye making him half-dead. Or if he was teasing you, about to embarrass you in some form. But from the way he carried himself, so lax and unbothered, tired even – like he himself forgot the blackmail he found.

You want to keep quiet, to say sorry that you showed up ‘without reason’. To tuck your tail between your legs and laugh it off once you were alone. But just because he doesn’t remember it now – probably due to the supposed lack of sleep judging from the dark circles under his eyes – doesn’t mean he has forgotten it completely.

You dig your heels in.

You were taking a risk. And, disgustingly so, the risk almost seemed…

“Well… I think it’s better if I explain inside your room. If you’re okay with me going in, of course.” Roleplay. You try to think of this as some roleplay.

The thought only works so much, but enough to where you can feel the vibrations. Still on the lowest setting, prepping you.

You hate the fact you had to get yourself wet, at least a bit, beforehand.

Xiao doesn’t say anything, raising a brow with unsaid questions. But with a shrug, he walks to the door, right by you. The floral scent hits him the moment he gets near you. It’s light and even soft. He takes another look at you while fishing out the dorm key from his pocket.

He didn’t notice that you slightly curled your hair the first time. Nor did he notice the eyeliner and mascara, a nice shade of red on your lips. He blinks.

Suddenly, he doesn’t feel as tired anymore.

You’re left in confusion when he goes from s taring at you to violently turning his head away. At first you thought you had offended him in some manner – only to see the tips of his ears turn red.

You were still scared. Nervous. Wary. But it seems like he got the idea, finally realized your intentions. Realized why you showed up at his door at fucking 6 in the morning. Granted, you should have hit send. You were lucky he was even awake at this hour.

“Next… next time you do something like this, doesn’t matter with who, make sure to tell him ahead of time…,” he mumbles, not expecting an answer. Like it was supposed to be under his breath, but he said it louder then intended.

Heavy silence falls over you. Heart racing in your chest, you go in before him as he holds the door for you. He goes in after you. Gulping once he locks the door, legs shaking.

Half of you thought he would laugh at you, mock you – degrade you. That there were hidden cameras in his room, that maybe Venti had stayed behind and was waiting for this moment. To catch you on camera and call you a whore, post the video on a livestream.

The other part half expected him to throw you on the bed like a rag doll.

You tried to prepare yourself for both possibilities mentally. Quietly, like a meek mouse, you take a look around his room.

Two beds, one on each side of the dorm. A gaming computer with a few empty bottles of energy drinks, a slightly messy bed that’s colored with hues of white and purple. Posters of horror movies and video games. It was Xiao’s side of the room, because on the other side, it’s… neater. Like the person hasn’t been there for a good while.

Unlived in.

And Venti, you had learned, is a somewhat messy person. Messier than Xiao, by a glance of his side.

“Um… nice… nice room,” you complement stiffly, the awkward silence cutting and suffocating you. The same could be said for you as he mumbles out a thanks, not making an effort to make you feel more at ease. Maybe because he wasn’t exactly at ease himself.

“So,” you start, swallowing your fears down your throat, turning around to look at him. “So, you… know why I’m here, right?” Your hands feel clammy, the camera close to breaking with the iron grip you have on it.

By now, there was a rush roaring through your veins. Could this be considered taboo?

“Yeah… Sorry for uh…, thinking it was cosplay. I… didn’t think you would uh, do this, ya know?” His eyes look at anything that’s not you. A red hue that’s slowly blooming across his cheeks as lewd thoughts cross his mind no doubt.

You almost found it cute.

Almost.

“I mean… it’s not like you’re black mailing me or anything,” a bite to your words, trying to sound playful. Trying to sound confident, in a way. You’d rather him apologize for blackmailing you.

You’re confused on what and how you should feel.

Maybe he is too.

“Ah… yeah. Listen,” he walks towards you, placing his hands on your shoulders. Away from any possible ‘accidents’ that could happen if his hands travel any lower. Any higher and he might kiss you.

“Listen,” he repeats before taking in a breath. “I… I’m not… I’m not going to force you to have sex with me. I won’t lie and say the idea didn’t cross my mind. truthfully, I didn’t think you’d do… well,” he gestures to you with his eyes, “this.”

“Then what did you think I’d do? Better yet, what did you plan on doing?” one hand abandons the camera, now griping onto his arm. Your nails dig into his sweater, fingers twitching. It’s amazing, how quickly someone’s emotions could change.

“Did you plan on taking pictures, perhaps? It’s not forcing me into sex, right? Oh, maybe you’ll film me so you could have masturbation material – not that you would need any, considering you’re fucking subscribed to my account.”

“Hey, you’re the one who decided to make it in the first place- “

You cut him off, so pissed that he could feel your fist hitting his face already despite your hands pushing him away instead. The camera falls to the floor.

“And so, what if I did? That doesn’t give you the right to use that against me. Me having that account doesn’t make me any less of a person. And it sure as hell doesn’t give you an excuse to try to use me while using that as blackmail.”

The newfound silence isn’t awkward. It’s heavy and hot, burning every inch of your skin. It burns, it suffocates, it stabs. The confusion you felt earlier, unsure if the ‘rush’ you felt was genuine or if you were tricking yourself. That confusion was still there but buried underneath the anger that’s brought to the surface.

You had a point, he thinks.

But he never said he was a good person, he never said that he would tell people. He just phased it in a way you thought that he could. But he never said he would.

And maybe that makes everything worse.

He knows he’s an ass – a person using blackmail for entertainment. Not like he could say that now though, not when you’re seconds away from choking him.

“… I’m not sure what you want me to say. Sorry? Do you want me to say sorry? We both know that won’t do anything here, and even if I really am sorry, it doesn’t take away what I’ve already done.”

He’s confused too.

It was a fucked-up situation.

“I wish I never met you.”

He wasn’t in love with you. Didn’t have a crush on you. Didn’t even see you as a close friend.

But he would be lying if he said those words didn’t hurt. Because you had whispered them so quietly it was almost impossible to hear. Because it looked like you were about to cry and scream. Because it just reminded him of how awful he is.

He doesn’t chase after you when you stomped away, slamming his door shut only for it to bounce open as a result. He doesn’t even look in the direction of the doorway.

The only thing he looks at is the camera, all alone on the floor.

The slides on the screen don’t make sense. Formulas that look like a different language dance across the screen as your professor goes to the next slide. You twirl the pencil between your fingers, a distraction that could potentially hold you back from passing the class.

It was a new semester.

A new year, rather, your senior year in college. How many months that passed since the… incident, you don’t know. You just know that if there is a God, then they despise you. extremely so.

To your right, a single desk in the other row, sits him. Xiao.

And he just seems as bored, if not more than you. Flipping the pages of the textbook, the chattering of the rest of the class as they converse with the professor. Questions being asked, answers being given. Yet here you are, wondering if you could throttle him just a bit.

He never revealed your secret.

As a matter of fact, the only time he talked to you outside of classes that required teamwork, as when he asked for help to unsubscribe to your account because the both the site and app hated him, apparently.

And also, because he completely forgot he was even subscribed in the first place for a good few months, face paling the moment he realized his card was being charged, the fact that he even forgot something so important.

And that was months ago.

And now, in the present, you had two classes with him out of four. Two classes where awkward glances and stiffed words are exchanged solely inside the classroom. Two classes where you have to resist the urge to throttle him, to cry and scream and ask him if he was planning on blackmailing, again.

You never do.

And neither does he.

Instead, when the class ends on a somber note, you gather your things and walk past him. His desk was at the back of the room, one of the closest to the door. Across from you by a few feet. And of course, per usual, you couldn’t help the curious look in your eye as you accidently made eye contact.

He’s the first one to look away, shoving his things into his bag before getting up himself. His shoulder brushes against yours when you both try to walk through the door.

“Excuse me.” Curt. Strained. Nervous all the same.

He became nervous around you. Maybe there was some guilt, but you could never tell. Instead, you’re left guessing why he kept his mouth shut for months on end. The ideas you come up with were never good, always ending with a bad ending for you. You had good reason to not trust him.

And he had good reason to fear you, in a sense.

Good reason to lock the door whenever you come by the camera you left behind filming the lewd acts you perform on him. Faces out of view or completely blurred out, his bed sheets changed, and posters removed.

The blowjobs that leave him panting and fingers clawing into his covers. Lipstick stains that covered his cock and had smudged traces left on his lips. The bunny suit you wore as you ride him, whispering in his ear as sweetly as you could.

I’m willing to take you down with me.

There were times where you consider letting go of the entire ordeal. Of deleting your account, putting the whole thing behind you. Behind the both of you, the videos deleted, and polaroid photos burned. Yet the rush becomes your drug.

His drug.

There wasn’t any sort of romance blooming between you. Only lust, pure canal lust, lips dancing against each other, saliva being shared. Fingers that tug and pull at dyed hair, fingers that scissor and curl inside you, moans and squeals that are muffled against either his lips or his pillow. You’re drowning in each other, waves of physical pleasure that starts to burn the longer you go at it.

The longer you keep it up.

It wasn’t supposed to end like this, really. You didn’t plan on going back to him, didn’t plan to kiss him, didn’t plan on blowing him until he couldn’t think straight and ended up swallowing his cum.

Not that he complained, just… worried. In a way where he kept asking if you wanted to do this, if you were under some effect of a drug, if you were drunk…

You only wanted your camera back.

But it led to the creaking of the bed, nervous touches that linger on your skin. He was a virgin – you had to show him how to touch someone. How to touch you, how to finger you until you couldn’t take it anymore, how to put a condom on properly.

But that was months ago, now.

“You really are… something,” he mumbles against your skin, rolling his hips against yours, cock sheathed inside your very welcoming cunt. You were wearing the outfit you had on the first time you ever went to his dorm. The bunny girl outfit.

Fishnets ripped at the crotch area, bunny tail bouncing with your movements. His bed creaks, and you’re almost certain the people next door can hear it. After all, they saw you go into his room tonight. And who goes to a guy’s room at 9 at night?

It was obvious, what was happening.

“Ah… you are too. Mmh… you’re lucky I don’t plan on uploading this video.”

He grunts, burying his face into the crook of your neck. The smell of your shampoo makes him feel like he’s drunk. So does your perfume, floral surrounding him. His room always smells like you now, and it also contains some of your belongings. Shirts, panties, make up, snacks – little things that remind him of you. And the same goes for you.

You still have his hoodie, green in color, draped over the backrest of your chair.

You were both lucky to have the same roommates as last year. People who don’t have questions. People who keep their mouths shut.

There wasn’t any romance blooming between you two. No looks of adoration nor love. You were more than ‘friends’ but also less than that. Your relationship was complicated, confusing. You’re not even sure if this’ll continue after graduation.

Part of you wants it to. It – he – was your drug, and you were his.

“Consider it a birthday gift.”

He replies with,

“It’ll be our dirty little secret.”

#genshin smut #xiao smut #genshin x reader #xiao x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact xiao x reader #genshin impact #xiao

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universeinthebox · 10 months

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Hey again

Shout-out to all the people who liked and commented on my last post. Glad to know that Squeak hasn’t been forgotten. =)

Comments:

winterstraystar said: For Sonic: Thank you for still looking out for his blog, it means a lot. For Squeak: Hope you are going better wherever life has taken you. I hope you live with no regrets

You’re welcome. I should mention that I’ve done a little writing, and one of my stories is about Squeak. Here it is: https://www.fimfiction.net/story/528407/thanks-for-the-memories

I can’t believe how long it took me to get a fimfiction account. It says something about all the trauma I’ve been through.

There were a lot of us in the Box with mental health struggles of one sort or another. It was really valuable to have that space to talk, and also create! It reminds me of that one Subnormality comic...

pinkusponkus said: Squeak did so much for so many people. I miss him!

Thank you! We miss him too!

kasamari said: I miss the care and love of the whole team you guys put together. I will keep following this and Squeak’s other spaces in the hopes that I get the chance to tell Squeak that the soldier who left his pregnant wife for training all those years ago is now a proud father of 4, still married to the same amazing woman. I will always be so grateful for the story of Good Night and for the wonderful Ponies in a Box that worked to share so many stories.

CONGRATULATIONS! Hip Hip Hurray! I hope we can all be so fortunate. =)

You didn’t ask for advice, but I’m gonna provide some anyway. My favorite parenting book is Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn. Also, conventional school sucks and kids would be much better off at Sudbury Schools: https://www.facebook.com/HudsonValleySudburySchool/videos/10155951019968804/ (The teachers are better off too!) Anyway, give your kids a hug from us. And maybe show them an old PIAB video or two =)

And hopefully, hopefully someday you’ll be able to tell Squeak the news directly. I’m sure he’d be happy for you. =)

warbalist said: I miss writing music for his stuff. 😭

Oh wow, you wrote music for him? (Sorry, I don’t recognize the username!) What did you write?

I miss working with him too. I miss the sheer sense of possibility we had in 2012, in the brony fandom generally and especially with Pony in a Box. I still remember how I was on vacation and Squeak came up with the idea for The Best and within 12 hours it was fully written, recorded and posted on Youtube. Or how about that time the other boxers and me secretly made a short for Squeak’s birthday?

I miss hearing our stuff premiere on Celestia Radio. I miss reading the comments as they came in. I miss the little ARG we did for Wrong Way Backwards. I miss the feeling that anything was possible.

I’m really sad that I didn’t go to BronyCon 2013. A lot of PIAB people were there, and in retrospect that was the best opportunity I ever had to see the boxers in person. But my mom had cancer and I had anxiety mixed with self-hatred and the flight seemed too much of a risk and it didn’t seem fair to mom so in the end I didn’t go. =(

I miss my box friends. Too many of us had IRL problems at the same time, and we gradually scattered to the winds. We’ve still got a discord server but it rarely gets any activity. It’s so sad. =(

Special shout-out to Togpie, who was a vital support to me during some extremely difficult times in my life. I think maybe she burnt out, caring for me all the time. If so, I don’t blame her. She worked really hard to help me when she was already busy with her own problems. I haven’t heard from her in over a year now. I hope she’s ok...

It’s strange how Life is so much grander and deeper than it seems. Do you know what I mean? There is so much meaning and passion and joy and opportunities taken and opportunities missed just in this one little group of people. There are so many things that shaped us, so many traumas that the Box helped us face, and then the Box itself drifted away because we still hadn’t found perfect solutions to Life’s problems.

And here I am, posting this little thing that a handful of people will see. How will it impact you? What’s your story?

A good life is possible, I’m sure. The solutions involve things like Children’s Rights and Sudbury Schools and Democracy and Universal Basic Income. The solutions involve things like ponies and fandoms and community for its own sake. The solutions involve knowing that you matter and your feelings matter, and it’s ok to cry when you’re hurt and it’s ok to get mad at abusive people and systems.

I think of the billionaires of the world and I wonder why they don’t just feed the poor. I’ve had a lot of friends who deserve money, good people tied down by bad circumstances. I’ve given a few thousand myself, trying to figure out how much I can afford considering I still can’t manage a full-time job (on account of my mental health). And I wonder why anyone thinks Elon Musk is a good person, seeing that he has so much money but he refuses to help people.

I think back to a time when guys openly liking ponies would have been impossible, when this fandom would have been impossible, where the formation of Pony in a Box would have been impossible. I wonder how many wonderful memories past generations never got to experience because of their stupid rules, and I’m glad for the progress we’ve made and the hope of more progress to come, and I’m also very sad that more progress hasn’t happened already.

Every so often I google anti-aging medicine (which is a legit field now) because I want to make up for all the time I’ve lost to trauma and abuse.

In the meantime, though, I’m glad we had Pony in a Box. And I’m glad that the fandom still exists. And I hope that the choices I make today will help future generations. Maybe new opportunities will come our way, like the TARDIS fading in from the Vortex.

Thank you, my friends.

Onwards and Upwards --Sonicsuns

#brony #SqueakAnon #pony in a box #sudbury schools #children's rights #universal basic income #progress #fandom #trauma #hope

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dreamingofmuses · 4 months

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New Year's Resolutions: RP Edition

Howdy all, Ash here. I've been having a think while with family this week, and I've decided I'm going to implement some new 'resolutions' to try and help make writing in 2024 be way more successful than in 2023. This will include things from the running of blogs to jobs I really want to get finished. I'm putting them under a read-more to keep the dash nice and clean.

I will say, this has taken me an hour to write up, and I'd recommend you doing likewise if you think there's little ways you want to improve.

Overall Running of Blogs

I'm going to experiment a new approach to running the blogs. For this, I'm going to put all active blogs to low-medium activity. In other words, even if I am personally lurking on mobile, I won't be constantly writing things if I'm not able to. (Work is just about to get super busy and I'm anticipating chaos)

A queue/schedule function will be used for all blogs. I intend to dedicate one weekday evening to working without interruption on replies. Taking commutes to the city and family visits into account, this is looking to be a Thursday, which is the only day I am neither travelling to the city nor have a guaranteed family visit. Of course, this may fluctuate, but that's what I'm hoping to work with, assuming those things stay as they are.

However! What all this means is that I am going to tentatively take skullandbowties off hiatus. With that blog being quiet, it should be possible to juggle it better now. Plus, it's officially off-season so the demand for him from new blogs ought to be low. I'm very smart :D

I also plan to update all pinned posts. I am aware some of them are marking a vacation from months ago.

Individual Blog Maintenance

Create "New Here?" posts to add to the pinned posts/info tags. This is going to be a very quick crash course on what to expect from the blog, especially where some characters might diverge from fanon expectations.

FINISH. WILF'S. BIO. It's not actually relevant to anything being written on the blog itself at present, but I really want to flesh out his character and show that he was stuck in stories for years, decades even! The doc has the word count to 4,888 at this precise moment. This is a mix of summary and brainstorm. Since it's getting a 'little' out of hand, I intend to have a 'tldr' at the start that people can read, and then longer versions if they're curious to get the full story. Maybe even have it that they can jump to particular parts but... I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

Likewise, Noah's version of Space needs to be finished. This one is going to be a summary, but it's a case of making sure the pieces are in place sufficiently to have parts match canon Space, but also make it clear that there is a lot of differences between canon and what he went through, with his plot entirely spiralling away for 'Part 2'. This is at 5,794 words, and the ending has yet to be ironed out...

(I am going to stop creating needlessly long-winded projects for myself that realistically add nothing of value to my blogs. These two projects are exhausting...)

Theauthorlives is returning to a very small multimuse. Any muses that aren't ones I genuinely enjoy writing are being fully archived, unless they are muses that get no traction but I want to keep the possibility open. Details of that will be shared when I do this.

Redo some muse icons (not all of them!). Though the selection I have for particular sets is a lot, I still feel like I'm missing some expressions or poses. I would like to remake one batch of icons for three characters, and finish iconning a third. Replies seem to be shifting toward iconless, but I like them for asks or IC commentaries.

OOC/Mun Related stuff

Following matters that have happened both online and IRL, I've decided to take a step back from actively engaging with people. My focus will be people that I have been in good communication with for the last twelve months (as well as people I don't talk to frequently but am on friendly terms with) rather than people I feel I have to 'chase' after. Saying that, I'm going to try and not let past experiences meddle with anything in with new writing partners - whether these are brand new to the community or people I've not had the chance to properly interact with prior to this. Just be aware that I might not be super outgoing at first. (This is where setting limits and boundaries is good practice, everyone! Don't sell yourself short, and don't spread yourself out too thinly!)

Which is where I now say I want to send even more asks! Not just memes or sentence starters, but general questions about headcanons or muse opinions. I want to get people thinking more.

My stance on Discord still stands, in that it's solely for OOC stuff, but I'm not giving it out to everyone. However, I have been in two group servers that have little-to-no connection with writing rp threads in them. I would hope that I can fully regain my sense of comfort using Discord as a whole.

Art related

Despite socially stepping back, I still want to keep some semblance of 'community' where my blogs are active so people don't feel isolated. For instance, I want to do something that encourages invasions of ask boxes. That was good fun to watch as the chaos began to spread, and when people are good-humoured to go along with my silly ideas.

I want to have one huge art-related event at some point this year. I'm not entirely what or how to do it, but I think it would be a great excuse to practice something. Portraits, comics, something like that. I'll have a think. (For those who remember, the water gun event was supposed to have an art conclusion but plans for that fell through.)

I want to try and upload drawn responses to heythereneighbor once a week if I can. Obviously, this is depending on how busy it is.

I'd also like to try doodling more on other blogs? But I'm not sure if this is even something people want to see anymore. People might prefer I focus on writing if I have free time instead of doodles or little comics.

... the writing blog. I need to do stuff with that in general. Whoops.

Finally, I want to do what I can to the best of my abilities on a particular day. I've always told people over the years that real life comes before rp, and I still stand by that. Whether I'm around or not every day isn't the end of the world. The communities I write in are a lot slower paced than they were when I started, which is great! I need to remind myself that I don't need to be writing just because I have a bit of free time.

#(but some of these won't be starting this week because my work week is a little jumbled up)#(one tldr is that I intend to have one day a week for writing that should hopefully be a Thursday #but not Thursday of this week because I'm commuting to work and have personal stuff on as well)#(aaaand now I sleep. Have to catch a bus in the morning.)

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winderlylandchime · 4 months

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Don’t even worry about responding to my messages. And I hope your work becomes at least a bit more peaceful so you get your precious scrolling time back. It really does suck to be an adult some times.

And if I remember correctly we started the episode directly at 11.15/16 pm. Because he went back to check how long the episode was and when the reunion happens. And it happens at 43,15 minute mark. So he just kind of tried to do the math and hope for the best and it worked out. Never before has he ever put this much of effort into something.

And yes, the rabbit hole of bts and certain drama has completely taken over his life. He is not a fan of Hal and is now fully convinced the guy was method acting the whole time and he is very upset that he was shady towards them and even tried to figure out what happened but realized that he can’t. So then he decided it maybe had something to do with paychecks and jealousy over that. He is now going through Randy’s podcast and I wish you guys were there to witness his reactions when he found out Randy is polyamorous. Literally walked into the room with a smile on his face and went ‘HE’S NOT FUCKING BORING! He’s actually kinda lowkey but not really like Justin.’ He came across some posts(?) about Randy and his dislike to the show years ago and he was very understanding but he got scared that maybe Randy is real life Ben/Mikey..aka boring. I wanna say that he officially ran out of fan forums to learn any bts drama but I’m not fully sure. So I’m just letting him spiral for now.

As for which fics he was reading/enjoying on the day of his big spiral: I only see daylight by kiranerysed, you know for me it’s always you, now i wake up at night & watch you breathe and you’re in love (true love) by ivysunna. I don’t know if there were any other ones but I’m 99% sure there were. But these were the ones he remembered in the morning when he was telling me about them.

And as for his Bri Bri playlist: it’s songs from the soundtrack that he believes best describe Brian in one way or another (he made me swear to tell you guys that this is a work in progress aka not fully finished yet) but these are some of them: Boys Keep Swinging, How Soon is Now?, Good Old Fashioned Loverboy, Infra Riot, Weapon, The One You Wanted, Brother Down, Unlovable by the smiths, Here nor there. And obviously Lover’s spit and Sandstorm. He has made this song so many people’s problem. He was obsessed with it back in the day so this for him is just nostalgia at this point. Anyway he is weirdly very proud of his playlist. Mind you once upon a time he created a playlist that still exists named ‘first date’ and it’s just Accidentally in Love like 50 times..

I think work will be easier... um after February? I have a lot of new admin tasks and new meeting tasks but the meetings should mostly be over by then.

Hal was method acting! That is certainly an interpretation.

RANDY IS POLYAM! I know! I always assumed he was boring too but he's not! He is a bit of a snob though. He is not an IRL Ben/Mikey though. Thank goodness. (Also based on the podcast, I think he used to put more effort into trying to be monogamous before realizing it's not his cup of tea. So maybe he is formerly boring.)

Also, I saw this on a walk the other day and thought of you, all the podcast devotees here, and your brother.

All the fic you listed are by @kiranerysed ! They have two different AO3 accounts and I know how happy this will make them because they have been following your brother's journey since the start.

The way I almost died laughing about his "first date" playlist. It sounds like his playlist creation skills have advanced somewhat since then. But I swear I was crying from laughing so hard.

#ask winderlylandchime #dear sweet anon #queer as folk #a straight man watches qaf us 2000 in the year of our lord 2023 #2024 edition

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babycatlix · 1 year

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hello friends! 💖 and happy new year! i hope 2023 is kind to us all!

let’s just get into it! at the tail-end of 2021, i wasn’t really sure i was going to stay on tumblr. a lot of the friends i had made on my main and on another side blog had moved on from tumblr/we didn’t talk anymore. the few IRL friends i do have, i don’t follow on here bc i got rid of my old account (c. 2011) so i wasn’t really sure i was going to even be on tumblr during 2022.

but then... march, 2022, my friend wanted to show me a music video. i wasn’t super jazzed but said “okay.” and he said, “have you heard of stray kids?” and me being into kpop for the better part of 16-ish years i said, “yes, i’ve heard of stray kids. i don’t stan, but i have heard of them.” fast forward a few weeks, he’s made me watch the maniac mv like 10 times and he thinks now is a good time to tell me, “by the way, stray kids is a self-producing group.” in case you didn’t know, i love groups that self-produce. see the other groups i love, bigbang, bts, seventeen, winner and ikon. so as soon as he said that, i was done for. i fell even deeper into kpop and fell into stray kids.

in april, 2022 i decided that i should make a side blog for stray kids. i didn’t think it would grow into what it has. i just thought it would be like my itzy and blackpink side blogs, where i occasionally post some fan photos and other ppls creations. instead... i thought a good way for me to catch up on 4 years of content was to start giffing and here we are. i say this every time i do a follow forever, but i'm so happy here in my corner of stayblr. everyone is so kind and wonderful! and i want to thank everyone that shows my gifsets love! i'll tag some ppl below, but i want to mention a few special ppl to me first:

@yonglixx and @quokki my lovely sun ☀️ and ale! 💚 we may not talk a whole lot these days, life is busy and school is way too much, but you two were some of the first ppl on stayblr that i really talked to 💖 you guys were my first mutuals 😭🥰

@jinniebit ahhhh anna! we also don't talk a whole lot, but you are special to me! i followed you from your svt main and when i realized that you were here on stayblr, i plucked up my courage (i'm a huge chicken when it comes to interacting first! 🙈) and filled out your mutual form 💖 and i'm so glad i did!

@changbeens wonderful, amazing, talented bee! you mentioned me in your birthday follow forever and i was like, "how have i NOT seen them in my notifs?!" turns out, i was just blind, you were there all along. i love the way you express yourself and you never hesitate to stand up for your friends.

@sunnishine my sunshine 🥰 i'm so glad you were brave one day (i know it took a lot of courage and i'm proud of you 😭) and reblogged one of my gifsets, bc you gave me my own tag and an emoji to go with it 🥺 it was so cute and tbh... i was so nervous to tell you that i wanted a different emoji 😂 but i did and the rest is history.

okay, with the sappy emotional stuff out of the way, here are other ppl that i love a whole lot. if you're not following them, consider doing so! they're all so talented and wonderful! no special order, just alphabetical!

@agibbangs / @atinystraykid / @chanrizard / @chanstopher / @cheekyquokka / @freckledbbokkiee / @geniaparadox / @ggthydrangea / @hanjesungs / @hanjisoonie / @hyunchanz / @jerirose / @jisungs / @juiceofmoons / @jisungsjaistandjeekies / @khairemisthios / @lee--felix / @leefelex / @leenow / @minzbins / @missyedits / @nevoono / @seo-changbinnies / @skz-films / @snug-gyu / @straykidsgallery / @winterfloral

i love you all, you've made being here on stayblr so nice and wonderful! i would've done this sooner, but i worked both new years eve and new years day. but better late than never! i hope 2023 is kind to us all! 💖

#new years 2023

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weirdthoughtsandideas · 5 months

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If DCLA characters had Tumblr 🕺🏼

🌟 supernova-number-one follow

Thanks for all the comments on my latest fic update! Chapter 140 should be up any day now <3

#continue to give me comments! #it makes me so happy! #except for that one person please stop giving comments i’m scared

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🌼 punk-not-dead follow

I am convinced I have found one of the girls in my school’s fanfiction account. I can’t confront her about it because she will never admit it, so I have left cryptic comments on her fics to leave hints that I know.

♻️ 🌟 supernova-number-one follow

So I’m obviously not her, but on my fics, someone has left a bunch of really weird comments and I am so afraid that it’s someone I know irl. I wouldn’t want anyone to know I write fanfiction, as I am paranoid it would lead to my mom finding out, and that could lead to her looking through my fics. And I swear she’d look through every single chapter of my 139 chapter long fic.

Though, it’s kinda funny that you do it to the girl from your school. Hope she gets busted haha.

♻️ 🌼 punk-not-dead follow

Oh yeah, I really get that! Let’s hope whoever it is leaving cryptic messages on your fic is someone nice, or just a troll.

I’m close to busting her… I’ll give an update >:)

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👩🏻‍🦱 dangerously-beautiful-ant follow

You ever see a girl and you’re just… yeah.

♻️🏳️‍🌈 creyendoenmi follow

Felt this.

♻️✌🏼 arodarmivida follow

Not sure if this is about girls being pretty or not but I choose to believe the gay view

♻️ 👩🏻‍🦱 dangerously-beautiful-ant follow

Good. That was the intention 😉

♻️😎 rapmiro follow

LOOOL not me thinking it was about someone starting to rap the second they saw a girl

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🎤 singing-is-who-i-am follow

Tfw you don’t remember if that thing you recall happening in your childhood happened when you lived in the UK, France or Congo, or if it happened in your home country at some point

♻️📸 felicityfornow follow

OP, respectfully, how many countries have you lived in, and why?

♻️ 🎤 singing-is-who-i-am follow

I have lost count.

Long story short, my dad thought moving to new countries would help him deal with his issues :-)

#he was SURPRISED when I said I needed to go to therapy

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🎨 biamakesart follow

Hi! I just wanted to say, I’m open for commissions! Check my pinned post for more information.

Everyone remember to keep cool and always be yourselves 🌈💖🫶

2k notes

🏳️‍🌈 creyendoenmi follow

Another day of being painfully in love with your female best friend while everyone thinks you’re in love with this annoying boy, because ”you seem so annoyed with him, thus you must care and have a crush on him”. Like shut up??

♻️ ✌🏼 arodarmivida follow

Oof yeah I hate everyone assuming you’re straight. Sadly I was in a comphet field for so long and had this mindset both about my friend and of others.

I also have a crush on my bestie. Everyone says she’s in love with a boy but she herself dismisses it. Hm. Do you think I should ask her if she likes girls?

♻️ 🏳️‍🌈 creyendoenmi follow

Uh!! Yeah!

Please update when/if you did!

Maybe I should confess to my friend too… hopefully it goes well.

♻️ 🎀 italys-biggest-bow-collector follow

It’s been 3 days. How did it go? Did anyone confess?

♻️ 🏳️‍🌈 creyendoenmi follow

So, here’s a funny story…

Turns out @arodarmivida and I know each other irl. I should have guessed by her username, that’s literally my bestie’s favorite song.

♻️ ✌🏼 arodarmivida follow

Yeah guys plot twist we are the two best friends who secretly pined after each other and anyway we’re dating now 💜

♻️ 🌼 punk-not-dead follow

Happy 2 years to this wonderful post

♻️ 😎 rapmiro follow

Am I the only one curious about the boy they thought one of them had a crush on?

22k notes

💍 queenoftherink follow

Not my ”mom” trying to shape me to be exactly like her and then becoming surprised when I have the same stubborness and willpower as her.

♻️ 🏳️‍🌈 creyendoenmi follow

Why do you have ”mom” in quotations?

♻️ 💍 queenoftherink follow

There are some things that are too complicated to explain, my dear lesbian on the internet.

999 notes

📸 felicityfornow follow

It’s so funny because I’ve had this blog for so long that I forget that not everyone knows that my real name is not Felicity.

♻️ 🌼 punk-not-dead follow

Lol, reminds me of people who wonders why I have this url.

What can I say, it was 2012 and I had a phase. Now I am too lazy to change it.

♻️ 👩🏻‍🦱 dangerously-beautiful-ant follow

My url’s backstory is so funny because it’s from one (1) conversation I had with a girl where she called me an ant and then it just got stuck like this

♻️ 🌟 supernova-number-one follow

That’s so funny because I called my best friend an ant once. I guess it’s a common thing to call people 😁

My url is self explanatory obviously 😚😏🤩

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🛼 rollerskatingonthemoon follow

Fell out of my bed again 🤣🤣🤣🤣

♻️ 💍 queenoftherink follow

I’m so glad I decided to stare at you sleeping tonight so I could see that action.

♻️ 🧢 everythingscominguponmaxi follow

Why did you stare at her sleeping?

♻️ 💍 queenoftherink follow

We live together.

♻️ 🎤 singing-is-who-i-am follow

It still does not answer the question?

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🎸 beanie-guitarist follow

Here’s a reminder for @rollerskatingonthemoon to take her adhd meds, bestie I know you have forgotten

♻️ 🎸 beanie-guitarist follow

@ queenoftherink can you remind her if she does not see this

♻️ 🛼 rollerskatingonthemoon follow

I didn’t forget 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😆😆😆😆😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

♻️ 💍 queenoftherink follow

She ran into the kitchen and said ”WHERE IS MY MEDICINE I FORGOT” and then sat on the counter kicking her feet in the air as she took it.

Needless to say she did forget. Thank you for reminding her.

♻️ 🍓 chico-fresa follow

It’s so funny following y’all, because you sound exactly like people I know irl 😃

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#tell me if you want a part 2 #ALSO IT WAS SOMEONE WITH AN ACTUAL URL CALLED ’QUEENOFTHERINK’#thus the space #violetta #soy luna #disney bia #if dcla characters had tumblr

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