#i think most of the people posting these are pretty young-

[canisalbus]

It's probably fair to say that, as a child, Machete's goal was to just survive. Even as a young adult, survival obviously remained a principle goal.

But slowly, over time, he gained power, and is now a cardinal. He no longer struggles to fend off death (weakened constitution notwithstanding.) He probably still sees himself as trying to survive day-to-day, but clearly it becomes more than that, even if he's not fully cognizant of it.

I guess what I'm wondering is, besides "survival", what are Machete's goals? As a cardinal or otherwise. What prevents him from leaving or resigning his post? Does he have aspirations other than Vasco? Does he see himself as subservient to God, or is it something else?

I'd say his aspirations are pretty mundane. Security and stability are probably the biggest priorities overall, financially and health-wise. He doesn't thrive in unreliable and unpredictable surroundings. The fact that he knows he will have his basic needs met for the foreseeable future, there are people ready to prepare him a warm bath at a moment's notice, a reputable doctor to look after him, and armed guards that are never too far away, eases his mind considerably. A large part of his work revolves around routine, carefully crafted plans and immutable etiquette, with relatively few unpleasant surprises. He's so high in the hierarchy that very few people can treat him disrespectfully and get away with it.

He wants to prove that he's capable, competent and useful. His deeply rooted inferiority complex (that largely stems from the demeaning and belittling way his mentor treated him when he was his apprentice) has made him a lifelong overachiever, which in turn has served him well in his career. He's ambitious and driven but I wouldn't call him power-hungry in an egoistical way, he can come across as overbearing but it's because he's a perfectionist control freak who's obsessed with doing his job well and has a tendency to think most people around him aren't up to the task. He isn't in it for fame and wealth in itself, it's more about having a purpose that makes you worthy of respect.

On a more personal level he's passionate about reading, studying and learning. Partly because he's inquisitive and genuinely enjoys it, knows he's good at it and feels good about being good at it, but also because he wants to be the most learned, most cultured and most academic person in the room. Not necessarily for bragging rights, but to feel like being smart will always keep him one step ahead of the others and that way no one can pull the rug from under his feet.

He would never be able to afford the things he wears and the luxuries he has access to if his life hadn't taken the exact turns it did. He spent his early childhood in a monastery and was trained by a priest who valued asceticism and self-denial so he didn't have a lot of nice things growing up. Now as a high ranking church official he has more spending money than he could've imagined, and while he has an expensive taste, he oftentimes fails to enjoy the benefits of his status properly. He has a comfortable home with a massive bed, but it's not uncommon for him to sleep in his office or forgo rest completely. Even though he could be savoring the rarest most complex dishes every day, there aren't a lot of foods he likes eating. He would like to look pretty but even his outlandishly costly and carefully tailored silk garments can't redeem the fact he doesn't feel comfortable in his skin.

He can't resign because his sense of self-worth and lifestyle are tied to his job. It's the one thing he's demonstrably skilled at. He's worked himself to the bone to get where he is now and the prospect of losing it is simply unfathomable. He doesn't have ties to his biological family and his friends are few and far between, if he gave up his position he'd have functionally no one to rely on but Vasco. On top of that he does feel like he owes his life to the church and serving it to his best ability is his lot in life. His state of faith and relationship with God is complicated at best but he's nonetheless terrified of what might happen and how he might be punished if he ever chose to abandon his post.

#answered #nateynate0 #Vaschete lore

[twinsunstars]

What if the Imperials Were the Rebels?

So I was thinking about if Star Wars had a “What If?” series like Marvel does, and I starting thinking about how some characters part of the Empire would be the rebels in another universe. I found it pretty interesting (and Star Wars should really do a “What If?” series), so here are my own versions of what roles I think the Imperials would play if they were the ones fighting in the Rebellion (and Palpatine is still Palpatine). (I didn’t include Kallus because he did defect to be a rebel in canon, so in my AU he would possibly remain an Imperial, as this focuses more on people who never defected and stayed loyal in the canon universe.) I’ll discuss just a few characters below and my thoughts on them.

Feel free to let me know your own thoughts and add some Imperial characters I didn’t discuss, and if you want to write about any of this feel free to credit this post and tag me on your writing!

Darth Vader: He would remain Anakin Skywalker in my AU, helping to lead the rebellion. Also being one of the Jedi part of the Rebellion, he helps to fight against the Inquisitors and lead the Rebellion towards the right path. The Empire had taken his padawan, son, and daughter away from him years ago and had assassinated the love of his life; he would do anything to bring them down. Is also one of the strongest pilot fighters the rebellion has.

Wilhuff Tarkin: I imagined Tarkin as like an individual similar to Commander Sato from Rebels and General Dodonna from the original trilogy/Rebels. He leads one of the main rebellion fleets and is highly respected as a commander. Was offered a position in the Empire but had immediately refused in its early days, not wishing to serve under this new regime. Has led many of the rebel attacks against the Empire with many success rates.

Thrawn: As a general and a pilot fighter in the rebellion, Thrawn leads one of the powerful squadrons in the rebellion. Often comes up with many of the attack strategies when preparing for an ambush, and is ready to command and attack when the Empire gets a level up on them. Often feuds with Hera Syndulla, one of the most powerful admirals and TIE fighter pilot in the Empire.

Orson Krennic: An engineer and a rebel commander, Krennic has helped design many of the weapons and starfighters the rebellion uses against the Empire. Has led many rebel fleet attacks while stationed in the base, helping to direct the fleet to their target.

Inquisitors: I viewed them as the Jedi of the Rebellion, as characters like Ezra, Kanan, Cal, Ahsoka, and other Jedi alive during this time would be the Inquisitors. They would be spread around in the galaxy, continuing to help keep up the fight against the Empire and protect young Force-sensitives from the hands of the Inquisitors. Have all met Anakin Skywalker and would follow him into battle any day.

Morgan Elsbeth: I felt like thinking about her and how she would potentially fit into this AU, as she did basically design those TIE fighters that Thrawn adores so much while she worked inside the Empire, as seen in Tales of the Empire. Morgan would be an engineer like Krennic, focusing her designs primarily on the starfighters for the rebellion to help them succeed. Has worked with Thrawn and designed the fighters for his squadron, watching the fight from the ground. The Republic was responsible for the execution of her native people, and now that it had become the tyrannical Empire, her only wish was to destroy it.

Edmon Rampart: I based this off some of the theories I would read about Rampart potentially becoming like Kallus and turning around to become a rebel, but we saw where that went lol. I see Rampart as one of the rebels part of the Alliance who had escaped the Empire after being caught by Hera Syndulla, conveying a lot of important information to the rebellion while remaining in an Imperial position. He has helped lead many rebel attacks and add successful strategies in the fight.

Royce Hemlock: You may be thinking, how does someone like Hemlock become a rebel? When I was thinking about this AU based off his skills and use to the Empire, I thought of him as being a lead medical doctor in the rebellion and partly an engineer, using his skills for healing and designing useful assets and weapons for the rebellion to take advantage of. Not much of a direct fighter but knows how to handle a blaster, would rather stick to the base instead of being up with the pilots, but would do anything to make sure the Empire meets its demise.

Eli Vanto: A commander of another rebel fleet, and Thrawn’s partner in many of the rebel attacks and strategy meetings, Eli is respected for being the one to find out many of the Empire’s secrets through his spies scattered around the galaxy and his own aspirations to perform deep research into the Empire’s hidden goals. Used to only be a minor admiral in the rebellion until Thrawn took note of his skills and Tarkin found him worthy of promotion to do more for the rebellion’s military.

let me know your thoughts and hopefully you found this interesting!

#star wars #what if #star wars rebels #the bad batch #star wars original trilogy #rogue one #tales of the empire #thrawn novels #ahsoka series #darth vader #anakin skywalker #wilhuff tarkin #grand admiral thrawn #thrawn #orson krennic #director krennic #inquisitors #grand inquisitor #morgan elsbeth #edmon rampart #royce hemlock #eli vanto #thranto #sw tbb #tbb #hera syndulla #thrawn trilogy #thrawn books #mitthrawnuruodo #ahsoka show

[essycogany]

Amy Rose’s Quills

Yes, it’s that time again! Where I ramble about character designs and why I adore them so much. In this post, I want to talk about Amy’s quills and why I like the different ways it can be represented in official and none official media.

Just like Amy’s eye color. I’ll also make guesses as to why her overall design changed officially and in canon to make things interesting. Let’s get started!

Long Quills

This style is in Amy’s first design. Being the Minnie to Sonic’s Mickey, she had the same quill style as him. Aside from her bangs. While I do think the quills look cute, it almost makes Amy look like Sonic’s sister. I guess that’s why they changed it later on.

I say this only in comparison to her modern design. The Minnie inspiration is the reason she’s here. I’m only talking about her changing designs and making it less identical to Sonic.

My favorite iteration of her classic look is in Sonic Mania Adventures Christmas special. Just look at the differences. It may not be a HUGE change, but even her nose is slightly smaller. I just love the Mania’s designs in general. They’re awesome! I still do love the OG design too. Classic Amy is so precious.

Look at how Sonic’s quills are messier then Amy’s here? I think it gives them more dimension. Showing how one cares more about grooming themselves than the other.

It’s kind of cool and I wish it was integrated in canon more. Not because it’s “important” but it’s a fun idea.

Short Quills

Ever since Sonic Adventure, Amy’s design changed immensely. Even Sonic himself noticed it in Adventure 1. Her outfit, eye color, nose, and quills (besides her iconic bangs) are different. Giving her an older more teenage look. I say this because Amy doesn’t look any older or younger then Sonic.

(Or any other teenage/young adult character for that matter)

They are sometimes even shown to have the same hight at times. Back to the quills, Amy now barely resembles her classic design and definitely looks less like a Minnie Mouse inspired design. Her classic design is still amazing, but I believe the change was a necessary one. The differences between her and Sonic are more apparent and noticeable and I think that’s a good thing.

Mixed

Here’s my own example, but there are many other fantastic fanartist who does something similar with both styles together.

Why do people like this quill style a bunch? I’d say it adds more flavor to her personality. Her having the classic long quills along with the short front dreads could symbolize her adventures side along with her girly side. It blends the two nicely and overall looks visually interesting. While I will say her shorter quills does differentiate her better, I’ve seen plenty of artist change it up a bit in unique ways. It’s fun to create and see what ideas an artist could have for Amy.

Why Amy’s Quills Were Changed?

I’d say the official reason is because of the things I said before. But the in canon reason could be Amy wanting to look pretty enough for the next time she sees Sonic. Or perhaps she thought to change her appearance simply because she wanted to look cuter. Though I’d say the first answer is the most likely because her love for the blue blur was much more prominent in the past.

Conclusion

Did I use this as an excuse to gush about Amy again? Yep! I regret nothing. I love love LOVE Amy Rose and how interesting her design is in the past and present.

Stay Creative! 💜

#sonic the hedgehog #sth #amy rose #amy rose hedgehog #sonic and amy #Sonamy? #classic amy #classic sonic #sonic adventure pose #sonic fanart #fanart #my art #sonic art #tailstube #sonic mania #sonic fandom #sonic design #design analysis #character design #quills #art on tumblr

[chilled-ice-cubes]

on sunday & the dreammaster // sunday's parallels with aventurine

the dreammaster's relationship with sunday is actually extremely fucked up and uncomfortable when you look at it as a whole:

when the siblings find the charmony dove, he tells robin that her idea of simply building a nest for the dove is "idealistic" and prods at sunday until sunday finally says that he wants the bird to live no matter what, even if it's in a cage.

ages are vague in star rail, but at least from the ~vibes~ sunday gives off (+ robin is referred to as a "young songstress" at one point), i think we can say that sunday was probably pretty young when he was made the bronze melodia. gopher wood is the dreammaster, the leader of penacony—and he's okay with making his orphaned foster son, who was p much already displaying trauma responses as a child (the immediate conclusion that "the dove's parents abandoned it", saying he has no dream and simply following what robin says her dream was) listen to the confessions of the sinners of the dreamscape? sunday being appointed as bronze melodia is the direct triggering event that leads to him losing faith in the harmony.

the dreammaster telling sunday about robin getting shot and almost dying—this is such a strange way to tell your adopted son that his sister was in mortal danger. "perhaps as a reward for her consistent deeds of harmony" its all just rather passive-aggressive and manipulative; definitely aiming to be the nail in the coffin for sunday's faith. if robin, the ideal advocate of xipe, can't be protected while doing charity... then what is the path of harmony even worth?

the most damning part of course is sunday's final conversation with the dreammaster, where the dreammaster references robin, basically sets down an ultimatum for sunday that one of the siblings must follow the path of the order and fulfill the plans they've set in motion till now. by now sunday's relationship with the dreammaster is much colder than it was in the two flashbacks about the bird and robin's gunshot wound—he clearly doesn't fully trust him anymore, but at the same time he has lost all hope and believes only in the path of the order that the dreammaster personally set him on.

the two excerpts below basically summarise sunday for me—"someone has to stay awake in the sweet dream" // "we sleep because we are afraid to awaken from our sweet dreams." firefly admits that sunday is a pessimist who feels deep compassion for all; he creates the sweet dream paradise using the order's power because he genuinely believes it will enable everyone to live their best lives.

the interesting thing is, a rejoinder to sunday's thesis of: "people sleep because they are afraid to wake up from their dreams" was already given in version 2.1, through aventurine's character arc and the conclusion he comes to during his conversation with acheron. i've already talked about sunday and aventurine's surface parallels here, so i'd like to focus specifically on their views about "dreams" in this post.

acheron and aventurine agree that people sleep because they are not ready to welcome death, and are preparing themselves for their inevitable ending—ratio adds that it is impossible to be "dormant" in the dreamscape. this is directly contrary to what sunday wants. sunday rejects that inevitable death, and wants to create a stagnant, safe, paradise in a cage for everyone. a macrocosm of what he wanted to do with the charmony dove as a child all those years ago.

version 2.1 and version 2.2 directly build upon each other, especially through sunday and aventurine's character arcs. you would imagine that aventurine, who has constantly suffered, is terrified of death and not really a big fan of living as his life was atm, would be exactly the sort of "weak" person that sunday wants to build a paradise to protect. but as he goes through his journey in 2.1, we see that he comes to an entirely different conclusion from sunday. he decides to keep moving on, so that he can make his parents proud when he meets them again at the end of his journey. sunday, meanwhile, loses all hope and quite literally falls from grace. still, robin catches her brother at the end; there's still hope for him.

#this is such a long rambly post lmao :/ the yapping never stops here... #anya.txt #honkai star rail #honkai star rail 2.2 spoilers #hsr 2.2 spoilers #sunday hsr #aventurine

[ivory--raven]

thoughts on ocean sunfish (mola mola)?

A controversial fish and one I have not seen in-person, though I'd like to. This post deserves a picture.

Mola mola is a huge planktonic bony fish - planktonic meaning it lives in the plankton, goes wherever the currents take it and can't outswim them. Most plankton are really small. Can't see them without a microscope small. The common ocean sunfish (mola mola) can weigh up to 1,000 kg. They look like giant heads - or moons. In French their common name is poisson lune, moon fish. They get their bad reputation because they're basically giant heads and they can't swim and they only reason they're not eaten is that they're too big to eat. It's an effective strategy. Natural selection doesn't care about coolness.

I do care about coolness, but my metric's weird. I think ocean sunfish are cool.

Here's a sea lion just chomping out of a sunfish. This is one of the perceived flaws of sunfish - but y'know, sea lions also straight up eat marine iguanas' tails for fun, so sunfish aren't uniquely bad for being eaten by them.

And ocean sunfish are cool. They're a member of order Tetraodontiformes, along with pufferfish, porcupinefish, and filefish (yes, filefish are a real fish). This order is one of ray-finned fishes and they're known for their weird body plans. Most fish are pretty predictable with their body plans, favour manœuvrability or cruising or acceleration. There's a cool diagram about that.

Tetraodontiformes, ocean sunfish included, are doing something else. If I had to put them on the diagram, it would be in the manoeuvrable corner, cause they're rubbish at everything else. I've scooped up a filefish with my bare hands.

The order name is more or less tetra + odont + iformes, meaning four + tooth + shape. And the whole ending in formes thing is pretty typical for orders - people like to name them "shaped like this" or what basically translates, in scientific latin, to "[example organism] and friends." For Tetraodontiformes, it's all about the jaw bone being formed into a beak shape with four chunks. Fish with beaks.

Beaks and weird body plans. I'm sold!

One cool thing about ocean sunfish is their spikes. Yep, spikes, like their relatives.

Left - a porcupinefish. Right - a pufferfish.

Left - a porcupinefish. Right - a pufferfish.

And a young ocean sunfish.

As young fish (the word is fry) they are spiky! And pretty cute, I think.

Ocean sunfish manage to steer themselves by squirting jets of water out of their mouths. They have very few bones, and no swim bladder, which is unusual for a fish that lives so close to the surface. They use cleaner fish to get the parasites off them and I'm a fan of mutualism. They also might use seabirds to clean themselves off, floating at the surface and getting the birds to pick parasites off. That's pretty cool.

So yeah. In general I'm an ocean sunfish fan.

#ocean sunfish #mola mola #thanks for this ask #i love talking about fish

[oceanwithouthermoon]

Haiiiii, do you hate people like this

Like bro that's so mean, like just respect what people do

LMFAOOOOO YEAH. i see these on pinterest allll the time.. pinterest is like a hole for people to either steal content or make weird 'controversial' posts like that, its pretty funny.. i mostly use the app for photography and art references, but i run into these quite a bit..

ive had a few arguments with people in the comments of posts like these ngl HAHA

most of them are just people who are stereotyping aroace people which im obviously especially bothered by since im aroace- i really dont like when people insist that saiki has to be aroace because he fits their stereotypical view on aroace people..

#i think most of the people posting these are pretty young- #so im not really for just being like MEAN to them #but i do think they deserve a reality check and need someone to tell them their opinion isnt everything- #and they shouldnt force their hcs on people and get mad when others dont hold their opinions in high regard #i guess the reason i dont wanna be MEAN about it is cuz i know some random girl on the internet isnt gonna change their mind #but i will continue to argue with people being mean on the internet either way #if even one person is like 'wait yea i really should be kinder' then its worth it to me #even if they dont idrc- its fun to have conversations about it either way hehe #saiki k #tdlosk #the disastrous life of saiki k. #saiki kusuo #meows post

[earlgodwin]

kinda fucked around and sent a dm to david just for funsies and...it's interesting because i admire neil's writing for the show and i think it's fascinating. but i've always wondered how he felt about the way neil suddenly flipped against juan's character in the final episode but it seems like it's clear now lol

#the idea of making him out to be an enemy of the people he loved the most even though everything he did was to protect them #but they'll always think of him as a menace and no one cared about him when he died except his father #i gotta say though...i've always admired mr. oakes for being juan's number one truther #because it was pretty much obvious that he was indeed a victim of the circumstances which made him behave the way he did #he'll always be the young duke who was treated unjustly imo #the borgias #juan borgia #david oakes #text post

[hua-fei-hua]

i need to do tumblr archaeology to find ancient gq posts. for my health

#i think abt this every time i do tumblr archaeology for old xv posts #the thing is that i usually need to start off with like. a seed post that is Old so i can go through its tags #find someone who tags their ships n then look through their tag. rinse n repeat #xv was like. BIG in the fandom for a while so this isn't terribly hard n also it was still pretty young #when i first got into it n nat spammed the hell out of us so like i had those links as seed posts basically #花話 #i also suddenly became like. acutely aware that most people who draw m/m ships don't usually draw f/f or women all that often. unforch.

[britneyshakespeare]

i have been working with kids for four years and i had to write my first ever note just now about a seventh grade boy being inappropriate towards me. i don't know what the hell this could possibly lead to or what. he was trying to feel my legs repeatedly to the point where i had to stop sitting next to him (and i was subbing for his one-to-one para!!!). he's got high support needs. in that kind of job, you're supposed to sit next to them all day and look over their work.

the teacher whose classroom this was happening in could also tell something was wrong. the whole class was acting kinda crazy because it was the day before school vacation week and there was another class coming in to share projects. so like, he was swamped with keeping order already. but we were sitting two feet away from his podium at the front of the room. the kid was giving him and me a hard time when he wouldn't take out his chromebook as he was instructed. and then when he did take out his chromebook, he immediately, for some reason, places it on my lap. he had been ogling my legs the whole time. he puts his computer ON MY LAP. and i'm just like, stunned, because what the hell? can you not keep it on your own lap, for some reason? i don't even know what to say, i just hold it a little above my lap while i'm thinking why on earth would this be happening? he would NOT do this to his regular para if she were here, would he? this can't be normal.

and the teacher sees this and within a minute places a stool in front of the kid for him to put his laptop on. and i'm like. oh ok. yeah. he notices exactly what's happening and that that's not appropriate. and then when the other class comes in to share projects he tells me "miss b——, you don't actually have to sit next to c—— this whole period if you don't want to." and he grabs me a chair for me to go sit with the other paras in the back opposite corner of the room. like he KNEW. and thank you mr. d—— for recognizing that because i was just kind of shocked and didn't know if i was overreacting in my head to all of this.

when there's a point in the class where the kids are discussing stuff, i privately mention what's happened to the para who's sitting closest to me. and she says that the thing about him calling me pretty is something he's been known to do, but the fact that he kept trying to touch my legs is new behavior. and that's a completely different class of behavior. i was telling him NO, don't do that, and he kept doing it. and the fact that he was calling me pretty repeatedly, even when i was giving him instructions that he wasn't taking. and this is the second to last class before the end of the day, so she says she'll take a walk with him before learning center and talk to him about it, and i'm grateful for that. she does. the kid apologizes to me as soon as i come into learning center. but like. WHAT the hell.

i'm STILL like what the hell. this is unfathomable to me. the other adults who i told about this or who witnessed it were supportive of me. but. what to do??? i wrote a long note to his regular para about this, because i knew she was going to hear about it at least from the first para i told. the second para i told about it after school had a kind of... i'm not gonna say enabling reaction, but i suppose since it had already been "taken care of" (or at least, he had been spoken to and apologized) she didn't really have much to add in the way of discipline. i told her what happened after school and she was just like... a little bit, laughing? like oh, yup, that dog. she at the very least confirmed he KNEW what he was doing, that that was not an accident. she said to me "i had a feeling he was going to develop a crush on you" (me and these other paras were together for most of the beginning of the day too). but it's like. it's not about that.

i have worked with children for FOUR years. children have had crushes on me before; i'm quite unfazed by it. boys from the ages of 5-to-15 have told me i'm so pretty before and asked me to marry them. i've never had them feeling up my legs before. i've never had them making me physically uncomfortable. it's NOT about this seventh grader having a crush on the pretty substitute. he is NOT unusual for that, at all. but i've never had a boy of any age or education level repeatedly touching my knees and thighs. THAT is problem behavior!!!

because what if i wasn't assertive enough with him to tell him to stop? what if i was a girl his age? worse, what if i was an adult who encouraged this behavior? i don't come to the middle school to be a seductress. i had no intention in putting on a pair of tights and a skirt this morning of being viewed as an attractive object, especially not by a pubescent boy. what if i did though? what if his interpretation of me wasn't so incorrect and offensive? what if i let him keep touching me inappropriately and saying flirtatious things to me? me, an adult in my mid-twenties, towards a middle school boy?

in no world would that be ok. if i had been feeling up and overly-complimenting a CHILD at my place of work, holy shit would there be reports about me. so a child acting that way could never be ok either. if it'd be firable for me to be reciprocating that action, then that action should not be happening to me. ever. and that child should never repeat that action again to any other adult again.

like i am simply not there to be treated as an attractive young woman. i put on a skirt that shows too much knee and get paired with a boy, though, and that's apparently just a natural consequence. hooo-ly shit. like i don't know what to do. first of all, the more time passes since this has happened, the more i am just unable to stop thinking about it. i wasn't "hurt" or too emotional in the moment but i'm just still processing it and it gets worse. i'm just more and more disgusted.

i don't know what i expect to come out of this, or the email i sent to his regular para. like, am i gonna have to attend a fucking meeting? what is the precedent that this sets for him? WHY do i feel BAD for him about this? well, because he's a child, of course. a child who has done wrong he may not be able to understand. but he knows WHAT he did. he just doesn't know WHY it was wrong.

and i couldn't even say something to him that was like, "well, how would you like it if i was touching you like this?" because young boys do not understand how inappropriate it'd be. i'm sure this kid thought he was gonna get away with what he was doing at the very least. but probably not unlikely he (being a child with no concept of how wrong it'd be) thought he could get some sort of "positive" attention for treating me like this. either way he was simply doing what he wanted to do, with no perspective of how it would make me feel or that it could be classified as harassment. teenage boys think it'd be awesome if the older attractive woman would reciprocate their affections. they're wrong. i, as the older attractive woman of his affection, cannot be the one to convince him of that, though.

i don't know. i don't know. like it's just so not ok. but if i didn't tell another adult about this, he would've gotten away with it. he would probably do it again. and him being in trouble for it is not the same as him understanding that it was wrong. unless someone has a REAL talk with him about inappropriate attention and consent, it's not unlikely that he'll just repeat the behavior in a setting where he thinks he won't be caught or told on. THAT'S the problem. me, i could just never have to be this boy's para again. in my email, i didn't say that i would never be ok working with or around him ever again. he already knows i didn't like it and i'm not afraid to tell on him; as far as that lesson applies to me, individually, i think he's become too ashamed to repeat that.

i don't know. i don't know. i very much expressed that i, i guess, "forgave" him in the email that i wrote. i clarified that i was writing it for the sake of having it on the record. i think that could potentially be very important for the purposes of preventing further similar or escalating behavior from him in the future. i don't want him to be in trouble. i don't think i will be blamed for this, especially not with how promptly i acted, although i don't know to what extent this will be framed as me thinking i'm a "victim." i'm not... i don't feel victimized. i feel disgusted. i feel afraid for the sake of what could happen to or with him in the future, if he thinks behavior like his towards me today is ok.

i feel like if i end up having to further respond to this, this will be made about me. in a way it kind of was. is? in the moment it was happening, it was certainly about me. because i was the one this boy was giving all this unwanted attention to. but to make the consequences of this about me and to involve me any further, i also don't want. because i said what i said already, i don't care if a student has a crush on me. this isn't about me being the pretty substitute. i'm the pretty substitute all the time, to tons of people. that's not really something i've been concerned about up until now.

but do i have to reexplain my personal embarrassment? that i was wearing a skirt? that he was ogling my legs? really? what more do i have to gain from sharing that, other than having the adults at my place of work confirm or deny me in their heads as the pretty substitute? i don't know. perhaps that's REALLY overthinking it. but i don't want to be the substitute that caused a problem for this special ed kid. i don't wanna be the reason that he can't be around me anymore, the person people think of when they're monitoring how he's acting around girls and young women. i DON'T want to be the one people think of when they think of his past misbehavior. i'm NOT here for that.

that's just fucking humiliating. and in this being a thing that could follow him, i have to be ogled and touched over and over again in people's minds for this to be taken seriously. but for this to be swept under the rug would be even worse, no? i don't know. i hate this. the principal is a nice guy; i wouldn't be surprised if he and/or people from the special ed department reached out to me sympathetically about this. but i don't wanna be reached out to. i don't wanna have ppl i work with tell me "sorry that kid was just so attracted to you he couldn't help himself" like come on. if the kid himself doesn't change then i don't really care to remember this incident. and no one reaching out to me and saying they've talked to this kid will actually prove to me he understands. this is the kind of inappropriate behavior it takes years for people to understand why it was wrong, especially a child who has no idea. i mean come on.

#tales from diana #long post #sorry i should probably put this under a read more but it was just a long stream of consciousness #and idk. im tired. im so tired #do you wanna be known as the substitute teacher a kid kept touching inappropriately? probably not #thank god for the first para i told bc she took it really seriously seemingly. i mean idk what she told him in their conversation #not EXACTLY what she told him. she obviously said this was wrong and she reiterated in learning center again #that if that were her daughter she'd be through the roof and that she'd be telling his regular para #i mean of course i had to tell the regular para directly. i would rather it come from my mouth #i'm the one who has the most information of how and why it happened. i think other ppl telling it would just reduce it to #'he thought she was so pretty and he kept staring at and touching her legs cuz she wore a skirt' like come on #the indignity of that! #i already feel undignified enough. #and also thank god for the social studies teacher. the more im processing this the more im like thank god #i dont know him well. he had already been a nice dude to me before in my interactions w him #like as a sub you notice the people who are really affirming of the strange and irregular work you do #earlier this week i was subbing for the math teacher across the hall for instance and he came in before class started and said #that if anyone's giving me a hard time to just send them to him. bc that group can be a little rowdy/wild #my classroom discipline skills are not that bad where i felt the need to have someone more experienced defend me so to speak #like i know i look young and am assumed to be new. but with most classes. i can handle most misbehavior #i can put my foot down in a way kids normally respect. i know how to keep em on task #and for MOST of the day with this kid that's what i was doing. but if that social studies teacher hadn't done what he did #i might not feel so bold in just straight up walking away from that kid. after saying stop stop stop repeatedly #like he had his own job to do independent of me but i remember the gestures and like. i could cry. he KNEWWWW #that's just a very trustworthy person i feel. he didn't want me to suffer through that any longer #a lot of teachers (unfortunately) largely ignore the kids with paras and/or expect the paras to communicate to the kid exclusively #that teacher is not like that. he was willing to mind that boy while i escaped that situation. so so grateful to him

[loftwinglullaby]

wow thank you so much

#this is aoa's official youtube. it has 20 million views. :') #also this is the performance version of 'ai wo choudai' and like. God the choreo is . ooughw :( #it is So bland. this is one of The Songs Ever to me. and the choreo is giving Nothing. #it's not even... a decent sexy choreo. bcus this is so rooted in the era of kpop girlies either give cute - sexy or badass #yeah i Know it released in 2016 but aoa stayed true to their roots to the end lol. and 2016 was the tide changing anywya. #honestly the trichotemy was pretty bad but i tended to enjoy anything that fell under the 'sexy' label. the BEst bangers came outta that #(exid i lvoe you. sistar i love you. stellar i love you. fiestar i lvoe you. hellovenus i lo) #and. oh i feel terrible saying this. i would rather have the miserable trichotomy than most groups giving #~feminism~ through the lens of misogyny. it's like. Feminism but make it marketable and tell young women this is Fine #also softcore queerbaiting. #like every Knew the trichotemy was misogynist af. i didn't have to read posts saying that blackpink gave women rights #okay actually. wait. people were genuinely saying things like hyuna's red were feminsit anthems weren't they. okay nvm #i think the bar for 'progressive' is so low in kpop that it is in hell. to be honest. #like we have and have had more progressive thigns in music videos and lyrics in mainstream kpop #mostly from soloists or solo work from band members #moonbyul's shutdown is. clearly about having sex with a woman. #brown eyed girls' abracadabra is okay.... YES the angling is steeped in male gaze #but having a clearly wlw relationship in the mv Was iconic for the era. still is mroe brazen than most mvs dare to be. #also that sistar one where they kill a man together and run off being fruity. #one mroe day! that one! #so yknow. shoutout to the actual icons. #loftwinglullaby rambles #kpop

[2010s-nostalgia]

I’m confused what exactly was “tumblr grunge” + why is it harmful?? (Not trying to be annoying or rude I just think I either don’t remember or I missed out on that despite being on here since… 2012 god)

Eh, maybe I shouldn't say the whole of the grunge thing was bad; I'm sure there were people who wanted nothing to do with the negative side of it, but from my experience that era focused a lot on depression and self destruction. Every time I come across an old grunge blog from that time that's pretty much all I find.

Maybe I'm too separated from my teen years and I'm being lame. Like I understand why I, and other teenagers, wanted to see themselves in those screenshots of Effy Stonem; I had all kinds of issues that were going ignored. However, wallowing in aesthetics of despair and self destruction didn't do me any good, and it's not doing the next generation any good either. Sadness shouldn't be a look to be achieved

#i also wouldn't call it harmful #i mean it was harmful kind of #but it's not in the sense that it was mostly young women venting and posting it as pretty edits or screenshots #and other young women relating to them #but people got stuck in it and followed other people who were neck deep in it so most of what they saw online was sadness #making it harmful overall #least that's what I think happened according to my own experiences and accounts I've read #asks

[arthur-r]

(wrote this song before i left for college but it’s sure applicable to life right now!!!!)

lyrics: falling from grace, i’m a rusting lace artifact / tears down my face as i break my immortal pact / trust me, i want to be healthy / trust me, i want to be special and loving and sweet / trust me, i know that i’m broken / please, i just want one more chance to prove that i could be the— / best friends know how to reveal me / best friends know how hard i try to have something to say / best friends know that it’s not helping / can i just go far away to where there’s nowhere else to— / turn around, up and down, i’m melting!!!! / turn around, i have something to say!!!! / color bleeding, heartbeat leaving, need a place to lay my head / arms are folded, fine print bolded, everything is overloaded!!!!!!!! / color faded by the sun, i bite my tongue, i’m coming undone / color faded by the sun, i bite my tongue, i’m coming undone / color faded by the sun, i bite my tongue / trust me, i want to be healthy / trust me, i want to be special and loving and sweet / trust me, i know that i’m broken / trust me, i know that i’m broken….

#when i write a song and don’t know what it means and then i have a breakdown and suddenly know what it means #turns out i have been compartmentalizing since i was a VERY young child as if there are two parts of me completely separate #and one of them is this golden child perfect person always so ready to please #and the other one is a literal fucking monster. that’s how i’ve been thinking about myself since i was a little kid #and i sort of. i had a breakdown about that last week and then yesterday i was so upset about not being able to separate myself from illness #how i’ve always been treated and treated myself as if there’s a perfectly healthy person in there somewhere who is just plagued with demons #so i’m constantly reaching for this person that doesn’t exist and never has and never will #because i can’t accept myself as a whole being complete with good and bad parts of me #it’s also just autism/POTS venting shdhdhdf but i knew that much #it wasn’t until i thought about my childhood though that i realized i’ve always been autistic i’ve always had mobility issues (though less) #and that i have never let myself integrate those aspects of myself into my permanent identity. like i’m waiting for them to go away so i can #prove myself and show how good i can be at just being normal. so i don’t know. anyway here’s a song #P.S. i processed my emotions so good and i’m normal now. gonna get dinner with that guy today and have a normal person conversation #so don’t worry about me. i pretty much fell asleep after i posted and i’m doing a lot better now #anyway i’m not great at this instrument shdhdf and i’ve also been crying so like as a piece of music this isn’t great #but as an expression of a feeling and idea. these are the feelings and ideas i’ve been thinking about #of all the things to theoretically be overheard by a ton of neighbors though. living in a dorm is nerve-wracking!!!! #most people don’t hang around my dorm at this time of day though i’ll be alright. hope everyone is doing well #me. my post. mine. #ask to tag #music

[altruistic-meme]

wdym by peeking in and out of the yr tag?? 👀

kfkakfkakkd I mean I hadn't opened it since before s2 premiered, I opened it and scrolled through for maybe a minute or two, then exited back out of it again :')

I know people are entitled to their opinions and I expected that there were definitely going to be things I disagree with in the tag which is why I haven't been actually looking in it, but ultimately I think I'd rather enjoy my own little bubble I've created a little while longer before I subject myself to whatever I may find there.

#i am also one of the people entitled to my own opinions and i accept that others will disagree with me as well! this is okay with me #but i saw 2 pretty negative posts and one that i wholeheartedly disagreed with that was put in a very bad way so i left the page #better to not engage anyway if they arent being respectful about it to begin with ya know? #im all for conversations about differing opinions but only if you arent an ass #so #most if not all the posts ive shared are one that i found on my dash. posted or shared by people ive been following for a while #and if one of them has a differing opinion from me thats also fine but i trust them enough to think they wouldnt be rude about it #which is why im okay being here at all #young royals #ginna tag that mostly for my own sorting but also ya know in case others need this reminder #about accepting others opinions are different and being polite about it #askers #404royals #also hi!! i saw that you followed me recently so welcome to the chaos <3 #shh ac

[tears-of-boredom]

So I don't know what you would call Peppi Längström in english. I'm not even sure that that's how you spell it in swedish. But anyways, I was a huge Peppi fan growing up, except that I probably had one singular storybook, and never watched any of the movies. The only source of Peppi content I had, was playing the video game over and over on this old ass computer that was at our grandparent's place. Like it was so old that the the depth of the screen was probably longer than six year old me's arm. I played that game on repeat along with this one Moomin game. I was truly a gamer before I even knew that there were thinner computer screens.

#honestly im really young. but i grew up around pretty old stuff.. #i think a big thing was that it was just cheaper that way.. #we even had a nokia fliphone as a house phone. that i later took to school with me because my red nokia got locked like after 4 days.. #i was so baffled how other kids had touch screens at so young. because my mom had made an age limit for us on owning touch screens.. #at our dad's place we just casually watched vhs tapes before bed time.. #i kind of got nightmares from them. even though they the tapes just had looney tunes.. #it was mostly the coyote guy. with some sam dog in there.. #yeah this post kind of sounds like im a pick me. except for older people.. #its just that nickelodeon was always the premium channel on tv.. there were some special days that it was avaliable. most of the time not.. #the free nickelodeon days sometimes overlapped with sick days. which was always amazing.. #idk i feel like i couldve been a nickelodeon kid if we had money to pay for it.. #really missing my actual childhood right now.. #i want to play the sims 2 on playstation 2 again.. #or i want to play that worm game that i literally never played.. i could settle for watching that one care bears movie.. #or playing the sonic game again.. #tearful stuff

[ethxrxalitys]

i genuinely think my partner is such a better person than me, its…. ridiculous. they automatically assume people are good, and i admire it so much. i think a huge amount of that is their past experience and some of its coming from their appearance / the fact they are…. a very built person who people arent going to fuck with? and i know im a judgemental bitch about a lot? but the strange thing of existing in the body im in / with certain things like ptsd is… realistically, i know on certain levels im not going to change. im not going to stop judging, and im doing my best to keep that mean girl in check, but at least for as long as i exist as a decently attractive women, i think its maybe unsafe for me to begin to at least fully abandon that. bc every time i try and break elements of that down, im often met with reinforcement that tells me i was originally right. and almost as often, im wrong, but id rather watch from a distance and let other people vet someone before i place myself in a position where i could hurt myself or others. i KNOW im a decently volatile human. a lot of the systems ive built up around me just feel like damage control.

#personal #eeek. #not a fun post #idk man. ofc i have an ego #but so do most people #including them? #we all just exist in slightly different skins with different experiences #and unfortunately of course people are going to interact differently to my partner than they are to me #since ultimately #im a decently young pretty quirky femme. #i dont think that everybody deserves access to me. its not my job and i think thats okay #but that still feels so mean.

[drchucktingle]

this was a comment on one of my post from a recent live event. it was photos of joyful queer buckaroos celebrating together and proving love is real through creation, community, and a trot of love. most important I AM LITERALLY IN PHOTO AS A REAL FLESH AND BLOOD HUMAN

it got me thinking about how DEEP AND VICIOUS the irony poisoning of these early internet communities goes. the way buds like this cannot fathom someone just being a sincere person unrelated to their OWN old days of cynical posting. it is fascinating, and i will admit, sad too

despite a DECADE of work, countless live events, 350 tinglers written well before large language models were a thing, there are still people who cannot imagine someone like me could exist. it is a strange place to be. not just part of me, but my entire EXISTENCE is often gatekept

it is easy to say ‘well chuck your art IS strange’ but honestly i think it is more than that. magical realism is common. there are stories about dinosaurs and bigfeet and unicorns. this scoundrel reaction is about two unspoken things: my art is neurodivergent, and my art is queer

heres the thing: I WILL BE FINE. what concerns me is not an issue of MYSELF, it is a concern for the other young outsider buckaroos who see comments like this one and think ‘is that what they will say if i express MY unique way? will i be dehumanized like this at every turn?'

i will be honest, i cannot say that WONT happen, but i CAN say this: for as deep as this irony poisoning goes, it is slowly dying. the way i was treated at the start of my career is LIGHTYEARS DIFFERENT from the way i am treated now. there is a massive shift towards sincerity

BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY. to young artists trotting up, the things that i am harassed over and doubted for and made fun of for are NOT tangental to what has made me successful, THEY ARE LITERALLY THE SAME THINGS THAT HAVE MADE ME SUCCESSFUL. YES I AM STRANGE, WHAT OF IT?

the things that you tuck away for fear of a review that says ‘there is a PROBLEM with this art because it has always been done another way’ THOSE ARE YOUR SUPERPOWERS. the gatekeepers want you to tuck those parts of yourself away because THEY TUCKED AWAY THOSE PART OF THEMSELVES

never forget that your unique way is PURE UNFILTERED 100 PERCENT ROCKET FUEL. it will stick out (maybe, if you are lucky, scoundrels will even say that someone like you could never actually be real), but sticking out isnt so bad when you are waving the flag of love.

in fact, when youre waving the flag of love, sticking out is pretty dang cool. what are flags for, after all? LOVE IS REAL BUCKAROOS. thank you for reading, and if you enjoyed this long post then please consider preordering BURY YOUR GAYS.

LETS TROT

#buckaroo lifestyle #chuck tingle #tingleverse #queer #actually autistic #love is real