#i think thats it but like thats still A LOT to juggle

[enough-spider-noir-stuff]

Ah, yes, the difficulties of writing fic closely following ATSV canon. Do I mostly stay true to canon and just shift some motivations and backgrounds? Do I drag things out more, change some things entirely? Will Hobie quit the society the second Miles is on the run, or does he stick it out this time due to "i gotta watch out for this kid" and "he's almost like other-me for real" and "i know where to go potentially so it's not quite as dire to get away now" or does he quit anyways and just keeps showing up with the web-warriors watch driving everyone nuts? WHO KNOWS? NOT ME! doesn't matter whether it's the characters or me we're all having a crisis lmao

#a biscuit's rambles #when multiverses meet au #wmm #i just realised how fast things move in the film #but i think i want to drag out the problems a little more before miles goes missing and hobie quits #i need them to get to know each other. and hobie going okay fuck it thats my little brother now #and miles to start maybe somewhat trusting him #and gwen and pav wondering what the HELL is up #before i have them all mix. also im scared of writing so many characters #like. two hobies two pavs one gwen one to two miles (main) plus also pete noir (and the other noir) and margo and peter b and ham and peni #i think thats it but like thats still A LOT to juggle #and ive never written half of them before ever but i dont want to exclude them and i uaghhhh #i mean ill manage. i have as much time as i want. tehcnically. but #ah what the hell. ill just write and keep reading the script right along and then the characters decide what happens #ill just roll with whatever they wanna do lmao

[robbyykeene]

I love your opinions and I was wondering how do you feel about Sam and her future?

Aww ty!! Tbh I have no idea where they’re going with Sam. I know a lot of people expect a “dark sam” storyline where she joins cobra kai, but i don’t really see that happening. Sam’s probably the most consistently written character on the entire show, and her joining cobra kai would be such a wild divergence that I’m pretty optimistic that’s not going to happen. I am really hoping there won’t be anymore bullshit love square drama anymore but 🤷 at the end of the day it’s still cobra kai so

#honestly i think there are a lot of places they could take sam next season #but i will say she had a pretty big arc last season and with them juggling what seem to be 10 million different storylines in s5 #i feel like her role wont be quite as prominent #like shes still one of the four main kids so obviously shell be IN it and have some arc #but i think compared to previous seasons it might be less #thats just complete speculation tho #anyway thanks for asking!!! #anonymous

[hecksupremechips]

Ooooooghhhhhhhhh stressed 🥺

#dont wanna see family tomorrow and im sleeping saur bad lately i couldnt sleep last night and then had a typical fever dream #which gave me a really cute idea for a movie so im gonna keep it in my pocket #but it was one of those things where its like it says a whole lot about me and my trauma and its stressful #um um um and also im juggling all these different things like im sewing im trying to finally write im trying to draw again #while feeling like im failing at it all and then like i still gotta find fuckinnnnn job i neeeeeed money #this time of year is always really hard for me i hate when its warm again i hate easter and i hate knowing that summer is coming #aaghhhh rn im ticking and stimming really bad and im having trouble breathing hnnghhh #and im very sweaty lol i always get so sweaty when i dont sleep good i dont get it #also i think im just horrible like the one person i wanna talk to probably is getting tired of my constant life crisis and how needy i am #and theyre probably off being better without me there and im just a burden and then my therapist idk about him #i dont feel like hes really giving me anything like when i talk about how stressed and unsafe i am hes like you gotta find a way to cope #and he doesnt really tell me how exactly i should do that like mate thats why im here i need the help you cant just listen to me panic and #go ‘wow you need to fix that’ ughhhh and i think hes mad at me because i dont think he believes me anymore when i say im in an abusive #situation and that ive been controlled my whole life by everyone and i have never felt safe #and its just like ughhh like i feel like no one believes me anymore and theyre all fed up with my bullshit incompetence and constant #bellyaching and im a horrible friend and a liar and probably just being dramatic as fuck making myself believe im being abused when in #reality im the abuser the ungrateful brat who treats his family like shit and cant trust them even though they seem so perfect to everyone #and im so stupid and toxic for trying to run away and for being scared to death here #thats how its feeling anyway idk everyone is just. weird and im losing my grip on reality and cant tell whats real anymore

[krashoutluv]

You’ve been given AK Jason so much love thx ☺️ if it’s not too much… what are some of AK Jason’s comforts? Does he have comfort foods? 🥘 Does he like the sound of the rain? 🌧️ Naps on the couch ? 🛋️

Thx 🥰

ill give this man love anytime💟

and its never too much anon, i love writing for him and yall!

Comforting Ak!Jay

(IM SO PROUD OF THIS I 💟 MY AUTISM)

(ngl this also just turned into my character analysis of Ak!Jay’s psychological gymnastics from Comics ((AK Genesis & Batman: AK)) and games) (still wrote the comfort shit tho)

hc, but i dont think any jason todds like the rain. it reminds them too much of the time he was a kid, didnt have a place to stay and went to sleep cold and wet

or when he was still young and with his family, his apartment would get flooded.

BUT ANYWAYS—

alone, i dont think jason can comfort himself very well.

beats himself for it when its over, drops him back into a spiral

just very much not healthy

HOWEVEER with someone is very different ,,

I Ramble Abt Jason Todd

post writing this, i feel like that one tweet thats like, ‘i never realized she was holding a plate of corn in this scene.’

Ak!Jays spirals or episodes come from two things, his self-esteem or self-worth, along with his lack of self-identity

Ak!Jason (Post/During AK) has a very hard time with his self worth, it solely stems from wanting to prove people wrong about himself. he obviously doesn’t like being perceived in the wrong way.

Ak!Jason (Post/During AK) says he’s move pasts his traumas, yet his identity and reasoning is constantly rooted in them, leading to so much contradictory dialogue and mental FUCKING GYMNASTICS.

ak!jay juggling if he wants to be loved by batman/batfam or wants to end it

i think he often ponders if he was better off being killed by the joker, or if he can really be redeemed from his actions as Arkham Knight by helping Gotham as Red Hood.

and if it’s enough for the people around him or someone to accept him.

if he can truly ever be loved

he has a lot of crisises about his identity and purpose more often then not b/c he cant find a reason for either besides his own anger and approval addiction.

, his biggest fear is losing, being worthless, and unwanted.

his constant drive is winning and proving himself as the best.

it causes his always feeling the need to prove himself, just so that hes wanted.

full pic is him on hid knees begging alfred for help,, my baby—-

the first introduction of his internalized self-deprecation is with his father, other then the Arkham Knight Annual

though he rejects this “truth” in the Annual, showing his determination to prove himself more then what Bruce and the Joker idealizes him to be, I think its a good mirror into Jasons mind and what really makes him start cracking

Ex. , his biological father canonically telling him he was a loser growing up, and his mom seems to personify/objectify Jason as gothams gravitation keeping them in gotham.

another example is the way he is talked to throughout scarecrows psychotropic

throughout the comic and game he goes between or showing a desire for a connection with bruce and praising joker for his upbringing, then chastising them.

its very clear jason has an identity issue, with him isolating himself because he believes he is too broken (game dialogues), his need for validation stemming from his childhood, his fear of abandonment, and overall internal dilemmas of wanting a connection or not. obviously hes not good with working out his emotions on his own without doing considerably impulsive things.

jason wanting to be his own person v jason wanting to be a better person for the people in his life

He see’s the place he was tortured as a rebirth for him, along with his plan to destroy Gotham and Bruce.(AK: Genesis)

This only comes from his desire to want his own separate identity, by ending these cycles of Bruces actions and Gothams nightmares he also believes that he will be truly free.

his only true identification with himself is anger and resentment, being built, gravitated, and broken by anger. feeling like hes always losing or lost, and his desire to just win something and therefore be wanted

okay to stop a fuckton of more rambling jason todd, abandoment issues, jealousy/obsession issues, need for connection, validation, relationships, self-destructive isolation, brainwashing induced perception issue, intense mood swings which also cause perception issues.

i guess it could try to be argued that Jason doesn’t actually want validation bc he got over the psychotropic; but i disagree with the way he constantly talks about being underestimated and feeling like he has to prove himself throughout the comics and his dialogue with Barbra in game.

i also want to make it clear that throughout the ak!comics he does help civilians so it does really have morality for other people. He does separate Gothams Gravity from the people, and claims the worst of the worst (villains and such) are the people who succumb to gotham.

(im only stopping bc im on mobile and couldn’t put anymore pictures)

im so upset.

theres so much i didnt get to talk abt

Ok Actually Comforting

so its pretty god damn hard to comfort this dude, he’s a chronic over analyzer, could probably turn anything and everything you say against himself or you, and yet would crave validation and intimacy.

which makes him a bit of a trip,, but i love him. so.

a lot of the time you’ll have to go with his flow

if its really bad he’ll isolate himself, he feels like he’s letting you down by breaking in front of you. He can’t let you see him as weak because to him its a liability for your relationship.

as well as the fact that his perception becomes very extreme/warped when very emotional. he’ll can range from believe your lying to him, to he’s not worth that kind of comfort and he’s wasting your time.

it takes a lot of patience for him to accept that he isnt an inconvenience to you and you do actually care

overtime, a lot of fucking time, he’ll slowly come around to this. instead of leaving for days or weeks at a time, Jason will leave for at most a day or two, but around midnight he’ll be home craving your presence.

he cant be alone again, he really doesn’t wanna be alone again, he needs to make sure you don’t wanna leave him.

probably just goes to sleep facing you, or holding your hand if hes feeling especially mushy.

he’d be so quiet, having the internal battle of leaving you or letting him feed into his desire of just having you around him.

In his words, needing a home. feeling safe, and warm. (I LIED I DELETED TWO PICS TO SHOW THIS)

jason thinking of alfred as home>>

Jason needs that in a partner! Someone who is warm to him! someone who makes him feel wanted or needed! Someone who makes him feel safe!

I think if you catch him just as he gets triggered/begins to spiral, you can help him not crash out.

Being over the top mushy with him isnt gonna work, he needs someone to ground him and be 100% with him.

sometimes he doesn’t need to talk or just doesn’t want to, again presence.

but acknowledging him every now and then to make sure he knows your not brushing him off or forgot about him.

when you’re in a closer relationship he definitely just wants you in his arms, needs to hold you close.

Home-cooked meals with him, justing going about your life with him, making him feel wanted, making him feel acknowledged.

i think he’d open up every now and then, but i think he’s also still a self-assured person who needs guidance at the right time. to just be sure he’s on the right path and youre with him.

one of his triggers is his own jealousy, accidentally making him feel like he’s replaceable or him believing you’ll get tired of him.

he needs so much reassurance.

just be there with him, guide him, love him, make sure he’s on the right path.

he needs a lot of things, sometimes its naps, sometimes its food, sometimes just to be in your arms, sometimes to help you cook, sometimes watching you work, sometimes he’ll have you lay your back on his chest and read with him, sometimes he just wants to fall asleep with you, sometimes he wants to cry in your arms, JUSDHRIDJDJDISO JASON TODD COME HOME WE MISS YOUUUU

HES MY HIGH MAINTENANCE GF

this was so satisfying to write i <3 jason todd

rq/inbox is open !! if you just wanna yap or wanna request somethin’ go ahead!

#jason todd #jason todd x reader #arkham knight x reader #jason peter todd #arkham knight #skullkidwithsunglasses #i ramble about arkham knight heheheej #jason todd headcanon #red hood headcanons #red hood x reader #red hood

[luvfy0dor]

Hello! I like your work. I want to make a request, I hope I can do it correctly. I'd really like to read the guys from bsd praising the reader's homemade food

Thanks and have a nice day :)

"What a Chef!!" ｡⁠♡・ BSD x GN!Reader

╰┈➤ Fyodor, Nikolai ♡

Description; BSD boys with a reader that cooks wonderful food for them.

Warnings; Brief mentions of prayer in Fyodors, maybe ooc but I think I put that warning on all of my little fics

A/N; TYSM!! This is so cute omg!! If I didn't do the characters you wanted to see, let me know!! I'll write a second part if you wanted other characters!! I was gonna add Chuuya and Dazai to this one but I think I'm gonna do them in a separate part at some point

Fyodor Dostoevsky ༉‧₊˚✧

Fyodor likes when you cook for him, it's just one less thing he has to do for himself while simultaneously juggling his work with the DOA. While most times he does eat at all of his monitors, he'll join you at a dinner table at the very least weekly. He shows his appreciation through soft whispers and gentle kisses afterwards.

Scenarios !! ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥

Your boyfriend occupied his usual seat in his little swivel chair, the wheels softly rolling against the ground any time he needed to scoot across the room. Even through the doors of the dark room, he could smell the food you were cooking and his mouth slightly watered at the mere thought of whatever you were preparing. He (im)patiently waited for you to come fetch him, his brittle fingers hitting against the keyboard quickly.

A smile crept onto his face when he heard glass rattling around a bit, not shattering by any means but softly clacking against other glass. He knew by this that you were arranging a plate for each of you and you would softly be knocking at the door, and he was right, per usual. After a quick moment, he could hear your footsteps approaching and then your knuckles colliding with the thick wood of the door. He beckoned you inside, hearing the click of the door opening.

"Dinner is done, Fedya. Do you wanna come eat with me tonight?" Fyodor nods with a small grin as he rises from his chair, walking with you back to the dining room. He rests his hand on the small of your back, almost guiding you to your chair, even pulling it out for you. "Wow, what a gentleman." You say, grabbing your fork. He nods and takes his seat. "Ofcourse, you made me a wonderful meal, it's the least I can do." He mumbles a small prayer to himself before grabbing his fork and taking a bite, humming in satisfaction.

"Just as I thought, very good." He smiles at you, taking another bite of the food. "I love when you cook for me, dear, you always do so wonderfully." You can't help but feel a soft blush creep up on you, heating up your face all because of Fyodors compliment.

"Thank you, I just like to cook a lot, so it's really no problem cooking for the both of us." You say, continuing eating the plate of food in front of you. "I'm glad that you like cooking, it always makes my day." His praise makes the pace of your heart beat exponentially quicken as you deelpy inhale.

"Thats really sweet, I'm happy to hear that from you." You make your best effort not to fumble over your words , your flustered state making it extra difficult. You both sit quietly for a minute, the soft sound of silverware clacking against your plates overtaking the silence every couple of seconds. "You deserve to hear it from everyone." He softly mutters, although he was a bit late to reply, it still melted your heart. "Thank you, my love." You smile.

"Ofcourse, my dear." You both finish your food and you take his dishes and head to the kitchen to clean them. Instead of going back to his work as he usually does for a bit before bed, he creeps up on you and hugs you from behind, resting his head on your shoulder. He leaves a soft, chaste kiss or two on your neck, leaning into you for support. "Thank you, my love, truly."

Nikolai Gogol ༉‧₊˚✧

Nikolai is much more enthusiastic with his praise, genuinely trying to convey how much he loves your cooking. He gets excited when you cook for him, especially if it's something he really likes or requested.

Scenarios !! ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥

You heard one of Nikolais portals open up in the kitchen, the soft, yellow glow cascading onto your skin and the food that you were making. Your boyfriend shortly appeared in behind you, peering over your shoulder curiously.

"Oooo, that looks so good!" He chimes, placing one of his gloved hands on your shoulder, making you smile a bit. "Well thank you, Kolya. Im assuming you're here to taste test, no?" You say with a knowing grin, handing him the spoon you were using to stir a sauce. He joyfully tastes it, humming in satisfaction. "Magnificent as always! Hmm, I bet I can guess what's in this." He says excitedly.

"Go ahead, try, you probably won't be able to." You say, trying to egg him on a bit. "Hmmm, let's see, bacon, kimchi, parmesan...there might be other things, but I can't quite taste them as strongly." You nod. "Good job." Nikolai grins and tosses the spoon in the sink. "Is it almost done? You know I get giddy when I walk in on you cooking." He says, hugging you from behind.

"Mhm, give it like, ten more minutes." You say, stepping away from the stove. He nods. "Alright, I'm just so excited." He whirls himself away to the dinner table, leaving you happily sighing. You finish cooking and plate the food, bringing it to the dinner table and setting it in front of Nikolai.

"Ah! It looks so great! You're even wonderful at presentation." He grins. You smile and sit down. "Thank you, Kolya. Taste it and tell me how it is." You say, taking a bite of the food yourself. You knew exactly what answer you would get from Nikolai. Well, maybe not the exact thing, but that gist. It would be something along the lines of "My dove, this is utterly amazing!" And it made you grin like an idiot every single time. His eyes widened, as if he hadn't expected the food to taste this good.

"Wow, my dove, this is delicious! You did a wonderful job, thank you for cooking for me." He scarfs down the meal and you watch him with a bit of concern, really hoping he didn't choke. "Ofcourse." You giggle a bit.

After finishing your meals, you both bring your dishes to the sink. After you rinse them off and put them in the dishwasher, he pulls you in for a quick peck on the lips.

"What a chef you are, my dove." He whispers against your lips, his thumb brushing over your cheek bone. You blush a little and lean into him. "Thanks, Kolya, I love hearing you compliment my food, it means a lot."

A/n (#2/apology type thing) : I really need to start working on these more in the morning and daytime rather than at 11:30-midnight when i could knock out by 10:30, I feel like im not putting my best writing out for yall, so I'm really sorry for that. It's been real busy lately and I'm so thankful for every single bit of support I get on here, it makes me so happy and thankful : ) love y'all ♡

#bungo stray dogs #bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd headcanons #bsd fyodor #bsd x reader #fyodor dostoyevsky bsd #fyodor x reader #fyodor dostoyevsky x reader #bsd nikolai #nikolai gogol #nikolai x reader #nikolai x y/n #nikolai gogol x reader

[the-s1lly-corner]

creepypastas of your choice being new parents (reader can be included or not, or the reader can BE the kid. either works)

Eyeless Jack, Slenderman, and Jeff as dads/dad figures

getting silly with it. last request in the inbox, might write some other stuff later today for myself but idk we'll see, admins feeling a little sleepy RAAAAAAH no real mentions of reader i think, just the characters being dads but there might be vague mentions of partners so you can imply that is reader. shrugs. i tend to write these notes before actually writing the post this was originally going to have laughing jack but then i got bummed out when i realized that jack would not make a good solo parent simply because hes too chaotic accidentally swapped from saying "the kid" to "you" midway through writing this but im too tired to fix it so uhuh im making it everyone elses problem/j

SLENDERMAN:

by default i think slenderman can be an okay dad and im purely basing this on the fact that i grew up on the 2010s era of the fandom where quotev quizzes and fics for the fandom were peak. i think in the beginning he would be a little lost, especially if hes going to be raising the kid alone. i mean hes a solitary creature that rarely connects with others, he knows knowing about raising a human child. and thats assuming the kid is even human. if he has a kid with a human reader, are they more human or more... creature..? are they a hybrid? how much of slendermans genetics carry over? can he even have children since admin personally thinks he was made by zalgo like all other demons in this timeline? many questions. protective and strict dad, makes sure the kid does their work and chores, but makes sure he doesnt raise a pushover... definitely hostile towards anyone who harasses the kid, be it bullying or generally just being a douchebag. i think if hes the sole parent he raises them in the woods and teaches them things himself. doesnt bother with putting the child through schooling, theyre a child of the woods now babey!!/hj

look at it this way the kid is really self sufficient and can survive in the wilderness for an extended period of time and they know how to kick butt, assuming they also grow up with his proxies. yeah.. thats going to be interesting... would they see them as uncles or as sibling or family friends? its anyones guess. bonus father figures!!

EYELESS JACK:

also does not know what hes doing. i think i wrote somewhere that jack would put the baby in a carrier and walk around with them in the woods. maybe even showing them different animals and plants even if he knows that the kid cant understand him. definitely a case where hes going to need someone else to help him, be it his partner if theyre still around, or someone else... naturally its going to be harder to find someone to help him if his partner is out of the picture for one reason or another. main reason because that jack is... oh you know, literal man eating demon who sometimes goes into blind feeding frenzies if he gets hungry enough + he tries to put off feeding for as long as possible because it literally means taking a life and he still has his humanity in there. not going to say it out right but i think you guys can put two and two together and understand why jack is wary about having a small child hanging around his cabin. also he wants the kid to be able to grow up around other people. its unlikely, since the other person is likely going to be another creepypasta character because any normal person would rat him out... but he might also want the kid to have a 'normal' upbringing. lots of feelings here for him. kind of like a tired dad, between juggling the child and the things going on with him is really going to do a number on him. giggling at the idea of him trying to get slender to help him esp since i hc they have weird territorial beef going on

JEFF THE KILLER:

actually has a decent grasp of how to treat them but thats because he had liu/was an older brother. the dynamic is less father child and more so older brother younger sibling. probably lets you have a fair amount of free reign; he doesnt really strike me as a strict guardian. probably forgets to pick you up from soccer practice/j ....actually wait no i can kind of see him actually doing that on accident. tries to make it up to you by giving you treats because he does kind of feel bad for leaving you behind. you remind him a lot of his brother. im still torn on whether or not liu is still alive in my silly au but imagine hes not and he kind of. tries to raise you good and treat you well to make up for everything that happened. jeff with some level of mental clarity after the height of everything hits me in a weird sad way i can quite describe. like dont get me wrong hes still the knife wielding dude hes usually written as, but hes a little.. just a tiny bit mellowed out. just a tad.. side note i fully blame the idea of jeff being remorseful over murdering liu from a fic that had a chokehold on me in middle school so oooo... you probably know/interact with ben through jeff since theyre good friends. jumping into my personal hc/au jeff carries ben around in a phone since bens usually confined to electronics and they grew up together. obviously jeff outgrows ben because. you know ghosts dont grow up. so imagine you start becoming best friends with ben and ben is just. SPILLING so much old stuff on jeff, mostly dumb stuff jeff did and him being a jackass. idk i just think thats funny. its like when you suddenly get dad lore but instead of getting it from your dad you get it from dads ghost best friend

#creepypasta x reader #creepypasta x you #slenderman x reader #slenderman x you #eyeless jack x reader #eyeless jack x you #jeff the killer x reader #jeff the killer x you

[squeaksinc]

2023 creative year in review! 💦💦

The most stand-out thing to mention was this was arguably my most active and productive cosplay year...maybe ever? its incredibly uncommon that I can handmake 9 costumes in a year, but on top of that, 7 of the 9 were also custom designs, which is pretty wild.

costume-wise, i learned a stupid amount of skills and really pushed what i was comfortable with. IMO the best from the year are the collector, knives, pupet, and nekomancer at least just from a craftsmanship perspective. I try not to brag or be an ass, but I am genuinely very proud of those. they posed fun creative challenges that kept me engaged, and I'm happy with how they turned out!

the other side of the coin is although last year was my most dormant cosplay year, other crafts were super active....and the reverse happened this year _(:3」∠)_ i didnt really draw much at all other than making cosplay designs, and other physical media didnt get much time to shine either. I made some plushies, but they were lackluster, and I think I made maybe one unfinished figure lol. but I did try BJD making and loved it!! I made 4 this year and have plans to do more haha.

thats the upbeat overview, the readmore is going to be a more negative perspective so proceed with caution haha.

More than anything I wish i had more time to do art and build up Stitch in The Ditch/more OC work, but honestly this year was also objectively insane in the non-creative front. like i hit the worst patch of chronic pain i've ever had/found out my abdominals have been ripping themselves apart and bleeding for the past 10 years lol/had to go to the hospital like THREE!!!! goddamn times and now i'm dealing with the news i'm going to need abdominal surgery, got a teaching promotion/award, got my physics masters, utterly INSANE family happenings, had gastroparesis for 2 months and couldnt eat more than 200 cal a day in that time which caused all my blood levels to crash and i'm still reeling from it, and of course, have just been Cashually working goddamn 60-80 hours a week in an experimental physics lab in the background during all of this which is driving me to the point of madness- suffice to say i hit my limit like months ago lmao.

like looking back i know i should be happy and proud i did so much but i cant help but feel disappointed and wishing i had done better quality stuff. honestly, i know i goof about how hard work is, but its really really getting to me. i've always been happy with my ability to juggle so many things and preserve my ability to have a cool job, make cool things, and independently take care of myself, but work is month-by-month morphing into more of a monster thats just been suffocating everything else out. I really dont know what next year will look like, as i've been wearing thinner and thinner i'm noticing a trend where I just dont have the energy that I used to to do anything outside of my job.

I bring this up because on paper I should be happy with what I made, but I still feel like im in a stand-still. I made a lot of costumes, but tbh they were low quality/lackluster. like the number went up, but the quality didnt and I couldnt do much of any other art things. I couldve, and shoulve, been able to make much better work this year than I did, but it didnt happen as a combo of being snuffed out by my job physically and mentally.

in 2023 I got a head start/built up momentum from the beginning of the year that carried me through when things got insane in spring/summer/currently, but I'm already starting 2024 from a low point. yall. im so tired. im so goddamn tired. like its funny to goof about how much I do but its catching up fast and i think this is going to be the year when I just cant keep up anymore. Its hard to talk about since the "being crushed to death by your job" topic isnt one people want to engage with, and unless you're experiencing it first hand its hard to understand what living like that really means.

for 2024, i know theres no way I will be able to match this same number of costumes, but my goal is no matter what I want to start making things that are more solid on a construction level. fewer projects, more polish. also doing more non-cosplay stuff like world building and dolls would also be awesome. will that happen??? lord only knows. honestly usually these predictions/goals go haywire but this is also more of a response to external things outside of my control so ???? ??????? we'll see lads

[elizakai]

HI ? HELLO I ONLY NOW SAW THE POST FOR THE CHARACTER DYNAMIC HEADCANONS SO LIKE,,,, I SAW CERBERUS (HORROR/DUST/FELL/CROSS I THINK) IN YOUR SHIP LIST AND I NEED TO KNOW MORE

WAAAAAA Cerberus, as you said, is a ship between Horror, Cross, Dust, and Fell, and I love it 😭

I cant remember who started it but I’m pretty sure I read about it on a Twitter thread some time ago?? My info could be wrong but what I remember from the general storyline of the thread was like

fell and dust are buddies (heh.) and dust visits underfell, but still ends up going home to wait for the anomaly, because he can’t be convinced otherwise.

fell gives him a collar/necklace thing he keeps with him.

he goes back to underfell one time and it’s😭 empty. Reds jacket is on the ground and everyone’s gone. WHICH SHOULDNT HAPPEN IN UNDERFELL. Devestated, dust takes red’s jacket and, eventually, leaves. He’s gone. he eventually gets yoinked by mr noot himself

AND meets horror obviously. Over time they hit it off😌

I remember some sort of thing between cross and dust, I think it was underverse related, where Cross feels bad for something he did and dust is just like 🤷🏽‍♀️ idgaf.

basically those two have a lot of clashing because cross is like. Insecure basically💀 and that makes horror mad because him and dust have gotten really close, and cross is JEALOUS and HSJSJS DRAMA. they work it out EVENTUALLY surely

AND EUEU I HAVE NO IDEA WHEN OR HOW but apparently Red shows up at some point and I imagine it’s either like dust has to be shocked and try to remind him of who he is with the collar and jacket, or dust is like *sigh* that’s not my red eueueu, and reds like YOOO BITCH???

they get to reunite✨🩷💥 I think fell and horror got along easier then fell and cross because of underverse😀 but they work it out and everyone’s fucking happy ok

something something SOULMATES??? like dust shares part of his soul with cross or something, him and horror soul bonded at some point before they came along, I think reds left out of the soul juggling💀 ✌️ but he don’t need it lmao

anyways yeah I don’t actually know if any of that was accurate but I do know the ship is great even without ANY of that it’s just THATS WHAT MADE ME FALL IN LOVE WITH IT AND THEY ARE ALL SO EDGY AND HURT BUT SOFT FOR EACHOTHER and they have all this beef and drama but they work it out and are like “woah actually since when were you so lovely-??” And the pain of losing a lover and REUNITING AND THE DYNAMICS ARE INTERESTING AND THEY ARE ALL SO MESSED UP I LOVE THEM💔

oh yeah and I’m p sure speculative killermare is a thing while this is going on hehe

#Asks #absurdumsid #I’m not editing this have fun with my nonsense #Undertale #utmv #ut au #sans ships #poly sans ships #bad sanses #horror sans #dust sans #murder sans #fell sans #cross sans #cerberus #cerberus sans ship

[azelfandquilava]

Unhinged Azure Gleam RW ideas

Alright, FE3H musing time again.

I've been floating a bunch of ideas for a hypothetical rewrite of Azure Gleam. Trying to summarise it in neat paragraph is proving harder for me than I thought it would so I'll just bullet-point drop all the ideas I had in rough chronological order:

Keeping a big focus on Dimitri's viewpoint of "Reform Over Revolution". In the official game, this is brought up a few times early on but basically dropped just as soon as the Western Lords arc wraps and the mindcontrol nonsense begins.

Cleobulus is the end villain, usurping Thales as leader of the Agarthans. Her tactics end up being much more chaotic and violent but with a greater cost to TWSITD's numbers. Odesse would act as her version of Myson, Kronya would also be given a bit more prominence (cuz who doesn't wanna see Agarthan Girlies having a bit of fun?)

In keeping with this, I really want to explore the idea of Dimitri and Edelgard forming a truce to take down TWSITD. It'll take some contriveances admittedly, but hear me out.

I'd keep Part 1's layout and premise roughly the same but with a lot of specifics changed. I’m juggling whether to keep Rufus alive for longer, or to just make Kleinman more prominent later on in his place.

The Western Lords are given more explanation of their motives for betraying Lambert, the specifics of his supposed reforms are explored more instead of just aluded to. Even if its a retread of the case with Ionius and the Insurrection of the Seven, that'd be better than the complete nothingness we get of it in the final game par Viscount Elidure's one line about the subject.

Rather than dying in Elidure’s territory like she does in the official route, Cleobulus retreats to Arianrhod where a three-way battle between in the invading Empire led by Edelgard, the remnants of the Western Lords (represented primarily by Count Rowe here, still being kept on a leash by Cleobulus) and Dimitri’s pursuing forces ensues.

The Western Coalition would be snuffed out here, with them no longer of use to her Cleobulus finally ditches her Cornelia skinsuit.

During the fighting Edelgard is badly wounded, prompting Thales to try his "mind-control" ploy from the official game (or maybe he's just going for the kill here, whatever works best). He is stopped by Hubert, who is mortally wounded in a vicious exchange covering Edelgard and the Empire's retreat. This would effectively be a mirror of Ingrid's death in Scarlet Blaze, but with a much bigger impact on the Empire's military capabilities.

Thales himself is badly injured and warps away, leaving him exhausted. Cleobulus uses this as an oppurtunity to finish the old man off and claim leadership of the Agarthans.

From here the Empire is left to lick its wounds, as a much more violent version of Ludwig's attempted coup from Scarlet Blaze occurs. Likewise the Kingdom is suddenly hit with more Slithery nonsense as Dimitri tries to recover following the Western Coalition's sabotage.

That's roughly where I got to, but I do have a few more ideas that I'm not sure where to fit/or if they'd work but here we go:

Rhea is pretty much a non-presence in Azure Gleam as is, apart from popping up for expo at a few points she doesn't really do much for the majority of it. I'm floating the idea of her being kidnapped by Cleobulus during Part 2 with the intent of bodysnatching her/using her blood for Slithery reasons. There's a risk with this tho in that I'd basically be changing the Route Damsel from Edelgard to Rhea. That said I do think Rhea needs to be moved out of the way for the potential truce to even remotely work.

Claude's the odd factor here as I'm not sure how exactly I wanna have him play out here. Both of Dimitri's routes handle the Alliance quite lazily imo as both times they end up siding with him, granted AG doesn't just have Claude give the entire faction to him but still.

Thats all I can muster typing up atm. I'll leave ya with a cool drawing of Cleobulus holding Thales' cut sword just to convey the idea of an Agarthan Girlboss end-villain (credit to @card-queen for the art). Please feel free to poke holes in my ideas or offer any suggestions of your own for this silliness.

#fire emblem three houses #fire emblem #azure gleam #blue lions #fire emblem warriors three hopes #rewrite #au idea #fe3h au #fe3h fanfic #unhinged #cleobulus fire emblem #dimitri alexandre blaiddyd #edelgard von hresvelg

[lmelodie]

Doodle Dump! But it make it more finished, I guess. I had a fair bit of mostly finished stuff lying around so here’s those for ya!

YOU CAN'T STOP ME FROM DRAWING JULIAN! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME! He’s so incredibly complicated, but every once and a while he actually likes being in his own company and isn't trying to constantly hurl himself off a cliff! Sometimes he likes being himself and he never tell anyone that ever.

And I got the scale all wrong with the rest of the frost fam in that next one, but I liked the idea of him picking up Jacqueline like a claw machine, so I rendered and kept it. Fun Fact! I'd like to imagine when Julian picks up all the frost family at once (Blaise in two hands, everyone else in one), he got the idea to learn how to juggle with all six arms. Neither Jack nor Kills knows how to juggle, but Julian is DTERMINED to learn how to do it with SIX ARMS.

I’m still not over @herbalsingularitea Jack design so I think this counts as a little fanart for them! He’s just so SHAPEY and I've been taking style notes because Moss is really good at this you guys. I also did a version where I imposed my own color scheme onto him just to see how it would look. Keep up the great work my guy!

And lastly, these guys are doing an outfit swap, kinda? Style swap, I guess? Their wearing each other's elements basically. I have a lot to say about both of their design choices, but in essence: I leaned real hard in a Mad Hatter direction for Jack and spiked up MN to the heavens. It was just a fun design experiment. 

(I also gave a brown-haired version to Jack because when making it I was still debating whether or not his hair was brown or blue when its thawed. But its firmly blue now. so shhhhh)

He’s only small! You can't get mad at him when he’s so tiny!

Older Frost Kids my BELOVED. This was basically just a warmup thing that I liked enough to do flats on (Thats what MOST of the things here are: Just roughs/sketches/warmups that I liked enough to clean up and color). But this image screamed the frost siblings to me, so I had to do it. Fiera with the mustard is a whole mood.

#digital art #artists on tumblr #doodle dump #The Santa Clause #fusion au #jack frost #mother nature #cs au #crystal springs

[harrisonarchive]

Screenshots rom the e-book edition of Pattie Boyd's Wonderful Tonight: George's letter to Pattie from New York City during the mixing of the Concert for Bangladesh live album. No copyright infringement intended in posting this on this fan site.

This was previously posted some years ago, but I'd removed the post since (copyright!), so this is another try, at the request of an anonymous ask. (An excerpt was posted during 2021's Concert for Bangladesh anniversary special.)

“This is a letter George wrote to me from the Plaza Hotel in New York where he was staying whilst editing the Concert for Bangladesh in 1971. He seems very scattered as his mind races between thoughts, with so much going on and so much to do. […] In the letter he is concerned about the high price of a basin because we weren’t used to spending money. We had no idea about the price of things or even whether we were rich or poor. Money just wasn’t something we ever had to deal with. Everything was always taken care of for us.” - Pattie Boyd, Wonderful Tonight (e-book edition 2011)

The letter (mentioning niece Janet and nephew Paul, father Harold, and others) reads:

“Monday Evening

Dear Pattie, Hello. Hope you are O.K. I tried to call you when I got here but there was no Greg in the Lodge — Can you call me through Apple at ABKCO or the Plaza —> Room 601 (212) PL9.300 to say hello to Hubby! Its a drag not being able to speak to you. You can call ABKCO and tell them a time, and I’ll call the Lodge. The ‘France’ was not as good as QE2 more straights in Tuxedo’s and not as many things to do, so I read a lot in the cabin. Started looking at the film and it should be O.K. for a T.V. show — but a lot of juggling to do — to get what I would like. The Camera men where not too hip on the Rock part — but Ravi’s part seems well covered. Ravi is going to be at the Plaza on Wednesday — so I am going to try to get a Rough cut together by then — so he can tell me where to edit the music — as it should be reduced for T.V., as 15 minutes should be enough for the Film. We have to get the film to about 54 minutes total, for an Hour show. Neil and I are going to work now (tonight) so as to get it started. Bob is coming in the Morning, so we will have to work on his part tomorrow day, and then Ravis again int the Evening, and it will save us time if Ravi has something to see before he leaves town, as his bit is too hard to edit without him (the soundtrack). Saw a great wash basin in a window — full size white with blue flowers but just one Tap in the centre — haven’t been back when its open (the shop) but will get it, if its there, not too much, when I go back. Here are you’re shoes — hope they are O.K. Don’t I write crazy!!! Very fast before Ringo goes to the Airport — What have you been doing? Hope you’re O.K. I miss you — I’m starving — many grilled cheese sandwiches — Love you — Call me or tell me when I can call you at the Lodge. 
Do you need anything from N.Y. cos I will go shopping for a day or 2. Still haven’t been to Lill Nassau’s yet but I passed her window one night and there is some great stuff — Hope I can get the Bed Piece without spending too much bread in there. Saw a good shop with Indian fabric + cushions etc. which is what I want for my room 206. Are there shops in London with that stuff, as the cushions are so big it would be daft trying to carry them home — but I can. What do you think? The Electric Yo-Yo’s are for Paul + Janet (after you finish playing with them.) Eddie Veal was funny in N.Y. with his arm Bands and we took him to the Auto bar. How’s the house? D. Tapp? Any Problems? How’s DAD? — our Lou is coming Tomorrow so thats going to confuse me for a while. Shit! Has Quinnell done the stairs and Rails in 203/4 109 yet? The Bangla Desh Proof of the Box front with guitar, was awful — so I had to jump on that and change it and shout at them and Now it will be O.K. with the original idea of the kid — Its such a pain in the arse all that messing around — just because they didnt like the truth— anyway it will be O.K. in the end except we now have RAGA — B/Desh and Paul all coming in the same month — well I know which will win! (Ha-Ha) Love you — love to Ted - Gred - and Kled George”

#George Harrison #Pattie Boyd #quote #quotes by George #Harrison correspondence #George and Pattie #1971 #1970s #Wonderful Tonight #fits queue like a glove

[rontra]

@lizarr7 replied to your post “yknow it’s occurring to me that I just sorta...”:

the helenas confuse me far more than the karas

NOOO the helenas are so straightforward bc i made Sleepwalker up so she's not real and doesn't count. thats just OC Helena

CTDE Helenas is really easy bc it's just Helena Wayne and then her Evil Sicko Counterpart i made up, whom she would shoot with a gun on sight if we let her. and we should probably let her

the canon helenas are easy to juggle IMO bc they're pretty distinct. but oh if you don't actually care about the intricacies of dc comics: dont open this post. dead inside

like ok yes dc comics might have 3 helenas waynes and at least one or two other helenas (wink) but they're like on a linear timeline so it's pretty easy i think.

helena wayne 1 - the daughter of batman and catwoman - was introduced in 1977. she uses the Huntress name until 1986, when a building collapses on her and she dies, and then the multiverse collapses on everyone else. this is dc resetting their continuity and starting over from scratch, so it all stops existing

helena wayne does NOT come back post-scratch, but is instead reimagined into a new character with a different backstory, called helena bertinelli. helena B sits on the Huntress Throne un-contested for over 20 years. on this blog we mostly ignore her because she's not helena wayne (sorry)

(you ask helena wayne to explain the 25 year gap on her resume and she's like "i was straight up a different guy")

(the comedy of my comics blorbo dying in 1986 is not lost on me)

in ~2011 dc scraps everything and starts over Again, with the new 52 publishing initiative. in this new continuity a lot of characters are given completely new backstories (which are noooot created equal). but on the upside, Helena Wayne 2 somehow crawled onto the Huntress Throne

(now, helena B had been the huntress for over 20 years, so she very much had her own fanbase at this point, who i can't imagine were uh Stoked about helena wayne walking back in and going "oh helena bertinelli can't come to the new 52. why? because she Died Off-Screen". the vibe probably was not friendly there) (but i think it turns out that helena B faked her death or something anyway??? idk that might be completely wrong i'm not really sure i dont really pay attention to her it just FEELS likely to me)

although she's still BatCat's daughter, Helena Wayne 2 is characterized differently from 1, and (per the n52 convention) has a totally new backstory and setup. so she's overall definitely a different guy from helena wayne 1. she smells different. the vibe here makes me think she's doing some conceptual spit-swapping with helena B (thinks about two helenas making out) oh my

anyway, the new 52 publishing initiative ended and everyone generally breathed a sigh of relief. the last time we saw Helena Wayne 2 was in ~2016 or so i think and i doubt we'll see her again. another helena wayne locked up in the vault. helenas waynes just get put ON ICE which i think helps keep things from getting tangled in my mind? they get tidied away 😔

helena B gets to keep the Huntress Throne to herself (and a swaggy new design if i might say so myself) for another ~5ish years or so, before the appearance of Helena Wayne 3 (Current Helena Wayne) who is AGAIN written differently with a different character setup, making her--in my opinion--a Third Distinct Helena Wayne

this one's BatCat's daughter from the future. but because she time traveled back and changed things, her future has ceased to exist and she's stuck here with the rest of us losers. this means YES currently helena B and W are coexisting in harmony, PEACE AND LOVE ON HUNTRESS EARTH!!!

and that's where we're at right now.

for me it's easy to keep the helena Ws straight because they're all different guys and occupy different time periods and never overlap each other. they also have different designs from each other. maybe it's more confusing if you get distracted by helena B in the middle, since she does occasionally overlap with them, but she's a separate guy and i'm very good at going "oh thats helena B so i don't rly care" (SORRY!!!! IM SURE SHES LOVELY!!! I REALLY DO LIKE HER WHEN I READ SOMETHING SHE'S IN I JUST DONT SEEK HER OUT)

most of the time, if you see helena in the wild, it's probably helena bertinelli. that's another thing that makes it kinda easy. when in doubt: probably bertinelli to be honest MDSHBFJSD

the lack of overlap and the very linear out-of-universe timeline make the Ws pretty easy to tell apart for me. i like all 3 of them, but i like them quite separately--they register as different guys to me. generally speaking CTDE characters are rarely 1:1 with a specific comic but as an exception, ctde helena is very easy to identify as being based on specifically Helena Wayne 2 because the main comic shes in is like my comfort comic <3 <3

and sleepwalker is 100% made up but helena would shoot her with a gun as mentioned.

the only thing i know about helena B is i think she might be catholic.

#ive had this ramble locked and loaded bc i think this is genuinely interesting. sorry you activated me. MDJBHGF #help do you guys remember last time i talked abt helena and i was like “do NOT look at me for ANY facts about her history” #and now im like "so it all started in 1977 #i'm aiming for reading completion on all 3 helenas waynes. that's my current mission.

[rad-roche]

im a lil behind on it but i am absolutely adoring dead woman walking. reread dead man talking (almost just abbreviated it as DMT. not sure how that feels for everyone lmfao) before jumping into the new chapters. genuinely glori's chemistry with nick is among some of the best ive read when it comes to sole/nick interactions. the anguish. the unbridled sass. the way theyre just so in love its nasty. and shes certainly my fave fem sole thats further along on the unhinged side of the spectrum. unfortunately not a lot of longfic ive seen of those </3 aaaaand of course i am reiterating that your interpretation of dima is like a breath of fresh air to me. good shit. cant wait to turn into a puddle no matter what happens. hence the attached image keep up tha good work

thank you very much! i'm really glad you dig glori and nick's chemistry, i've hauled ass on it. there's a lot i'd like to talk about vis a vis her character and how i've constructed her, but i'll be good and save it for closer towards the end

still glad you like my DiMA!! i consider you one of the CEOs of DiMA so that's very flattering. i think he's a complicated, nuanced sort of character, and he's a lot of fun to explore in a written format, especially since we won't ever know what he's thinking, just what nick thinks he's thinking.

glad you're enjoying it! the 'who are we how are we getting here' chapters are all done. not accounting for breaks, 7 took around two months to write because it's juggling a lot of difficult things at once. i'm looking forward to sharing it!

#and there's no rush to catch up! it'll be there when you're ready #fallout 4 #dead man talking #dead woman walking #nick valentine #gloria roche #DiMA #fo4 #biggest thing i thought going into making gloria was 'she has to be just some random lady you'd meet' #anything else like general or director etc would be way way too big for the scope of a noir #she wouldn't be stuck in whatever new system develops: she'd be it which is interesting but not what i'm going for #thanks again!

[tainbocuailnge]

i think one of the primary factors behind granblue fantasy’s continued success is that it’s a game that’s very easy to come back to. the barrier of entry for granblue has always been pretty high and has only gotten higher with the years despite repeat attempts from cygames to make the early stages of getting started easier, because in “streamlining” old content they ended up just removing a lot of it which means you have barely anything to do in the game until you hit rank 100 where all the actual content is. I used to really hate the “100 rank tutorial” jokes for being exaggerated but they’ve gotten increasingly real over the years.

however once you’re past that barrier and have a grid and are at the player rank where you have shit to do the granblue fantasy content schedule is very comfortable with you either playing the game nonstop for days or completely ignoring it for months, because regardless of when you last opened the game there will be like thirty little tasks you can juggle working towards and there’s a valor badge event coming soon if you need a more specific goal and all that’s really changed is there’s more characters now and more swag outfits to put on your player character and also they’re letting you skip over some of the more annoying chores now and slipped another 300 ap recovery items into your inventory. being a browser game means it doesn’t even hoard valuable storage space when you’re going through a period of not playing it. there’s going to be new jacked up endgame raids but whatever ol reliable team you set up a year ago is definitely still going to work in whatever raid you made it for, and that raid is probably still going to be relevant to you if it’s the last thing you were farming so you can pick up right where you left off.

so even though my relationship with granblue has been rocky the past few years to say the least, whenever some seasonal campaign comes around I often end up playing for a while again anyway because even if the state of the game progresses it doesn’t feel like i’m left behind. whenever the mood for some number go up strikes my ex game dot granbluefantasy dot jp is ready and waiting.

when it comes to long running live service games and especially gacha games that can’t easily go back on having released something before that’s actually a very hard balance to strike so i think granblue really does deserve high praise for managing to not leave players that don’t actively keep up behind. and I think especially the past year or so they’ve made a lot of respectable efforts towards making sure the older stuff that you put a lot of effort into back when it was the best you could get still remains relevant as the game progresses which is part of why i have a more positive attitude towards the game again lately too. the extra grid slots for bahamut and ultima weapons in both sandbox (casual content) and revans raids + super ultimate bahamut (hardcore endgame content) are a great move when there’s always more new fancy weapons fighting for a grid slot that these former endgame must-haves couldn’t compete with anymore.

the class design on row V classes and recent mastery bonuses for row IV to go with it are a good example too because they clearly made an effort to have row V be both a clear upgrade but also more demanding to use (stricter mainhand requirements due to aux weapons, high commitment for farming shields and manatura) so there remains reason to use the row IV counterpart that you put all those masteries into to get row V in the first place. class design in general has been genuinely really good lately both in visual design (slutty gran outfits) and how it plays. so here too coming back to game dot granbluefantasy dot jp after a long time away you won’t find that everything you worked so hard for is now obsolete but rather that you can just keep playing your favourite class forever and make it fuck even harder if thats what you want

and i say things will be mostly the same whenever you get back but i also think introducing battle system v2 and the recent change to qilin were pretty ballsy moves and good signs that cygames continues to think about the long term health of the game even though they blatantly always wanted to be a console game dev and it felt like they’d put all the competent people on GBVS and relink for years. actually maybe the fact that relink is finally coming close to being a real game is why mobile granblue is getting better again recently. anyway. lord forgive me but i’m back on my shit (playing granblue fantasy again)

#lanceblue

[rise-my-angel]

Heart of the Great Wolf has to be my favourite Robb Stark and Jon Snow piece of writing out there. Seriously, the way you capture both of their personalities is so untouchable that it’s ruined others writing for me. I would rather reread HOTGW over and over again then find something new with a mere fraction of what you have going with your story. It’s truly so beautiful, the way you blend beauty and sorrow so wonderfully. You don’t paint one brother to be worse than the other, that it’s just simply a girl with two loves who has lost too much in her life at such a young age. You are such a gifted writer 😭🫶🏼

This is too kind seriously..thats the end of the ask..I have nothing more to say whatsoever..

Their characterizations are the ones I worry the most about, especially now that I am into a post resurrection Jon having to juggle his true character contrasted to what i think resurrection would change about who he is inside. So I appreciate it because I am constantly terrified you guys are going to think I am way off the mark with these characters. I work a lot to think about what i think would realistically play out and why, and write within those in universe consistencies.

Robb was easier I think, since most Robb x Reader x Jon fics that have a Jon endgame, tend to paint Robb in a different light in order to boost the Jon pairing.

I too was going to underplay it. When this series was first being outlined Robb was way less important. He was more an obstacle to get to the plot I wanted, but the more I outlined the more I realized how unfair it would be to do that. Robb is so important to GoT/asoiaf, people seem to forget that when Robb died, the entire country fell into what was essentially a post apocalyptic state of fear. He died and all hope was shattered for the realm, and I think it does him a disservice to not give his relationship that fair treatment. He is smart, and emotional and deeply caring of his people and cause and I wanted to rectify what I thought was an insulting love interest for him in the show. Give him a relationship with the reader, that was real.

Were Robb not to die, they'd still be together. Regardless if Jon was in the plot now or not, Robb and the reader were real and they loved each other with everything they. It's partially why I made the reader spend three years not talking about Jon. Beacuse she didn't want to risk letting him dominate her thoughts with her husband and its tragic beacuse its in chapter 11 'What Lies Beyond the Veil' when she finally has come to accept she can talk about the man she always loved normally with the man she grew to love and not feel guilt, and its the last time. I wrote that entire wedding reception from Robb's point of view beacuse I didn't want any mention of Jon to make it seem like the reader was thinking of him when she died, when no, their deaths were entirely about each other.

It's also why Jon never thought much about Robb in his pre 'What Lies Beyond the Veil' pov's beacuse I never wanted to give off the impression that his jealousy was out of malice. I never wanted it to be Jon feeling like it was him versus his brother. It was just the cards you three were dealt and as much as it burns him to be the one left in the cold he knows that no one actually chose to leave him behind, it was just how it worked out.

I just don't like fics where it's this kind of double pairing, but Robb doesn't feel like he was given a fair chance. A lot tends to feel like I'm just waiting for the Red Wedding to get to the Jon stuff that they want to do instead, when I was dreading getting to it in mine beacuse I didn't want the Robb saga to end yet. I sort of allude to this when Ned said in the first chapter,

"Just because losing Jon hurts, doesn't mean I don't think you aren't willing to love Robb."

And that's the essence of the double pairing, I hated the idea of one brother being seen as the more important relationship then the other, Robb died in chapter 11 by chapter 29 I'm still writing scenes about losing Robb, beacuse it felt disingenuous to paint one brother as the better pairing for the reader then the other. I didn't like the idea of a double pairing being about Jon versus Robb or vice versa.

Just the story of what happens, when your love finds itself equally.

#the orignal outline for chapter 1 had so much more jon but i changed a lot of that to be in flashbacks of later chapters #it needed to be about robb beacuse thats the life you were going to be in and i never wanted Robb to feel like the disposable love interest #and i ended up liking it better with a much bigger robb focus #i knew jon was the slow burn he was always going to get his day in court but robb was the one here and now and i refused to underplay that #i just hope you dont disagree with my characterization of Jon the futher we go #since post ressurection Jon isnt quite the same man as he was before #and I hope I am decent enough to convey my ideas in a realistic manner or that my ideas arent super out of character in general #long post

[system-of-a-feather]

An interesting thing about recovery and the dual diagnosis of ASD and DID is that as I process trauma and lower dissociative barriers and understand the parts in my system better - the "worse" my autism gets and the less I can mask it and the less I can ignore it.

At least, that is how it appears as a social protector now turned host. Cause before really getting into therapy, I was a little off but nothing that couldn't be explained by 1) growing up in an autistic family and 2) trauma - I didn't have any outstanding sensory issues from the sounds of it, I didn't have any obvious lack of socializing / interpersonal interactions, I didn't seem to have any notable issues speaking or really any notable "autistic meltdowns" or anything. I was mildly symptomatic on all of them, but barely enough to acknowledge it. For many years I went with the line "eh I'm undiagnosable (differential diagnosis could not be made) but thats fine cause tbh I don't think thinking of myself or approaching therapy with me being autistic in mind would help me much."

But I dunno how much of it is the realization and deprogramming of our sister's crap (and specifically the related fucked up way of teaching of "how to survive in the world as an autistic person" that became one of the foundations of my existence as a part) and how much of it is coming to know and understand parts and honestly the majority of the system that have less socially acceptable and passable symptoms - but the past year or two its just been SUCH a thing we've had to accommodate our life around.

Be it sensory, sensory processing issues, communication, talking, and our general social approach and environment - a lot of our modern changes have been to leave space for our symptoms of our autism as much as they have been for our DID / PTSD.

We've straight up been unsuited for a job solely because in the long run it was too damn taxing and literally have retreated into work that literally has us in an underground basement where I literally only see 2-5 people a day and only regularly interact with like 2.

And its just wild cause I used to be this hyper social, hyper extrovert, people juggling, socially motivated individual - and I honestly still am, but the way that it is expressed is So So So much more different

It's really wild honestly but at this point I'm glad I have an autism specialist who is also trained and aware of dissociative and complex trauma stuff cause tbh, navigating the autism stuff without the shitty framework our sister trained me in is a lot more of a territory I am less familiar in than dissociation and trauma at this point.

#alter: riku #actuallyasd #actually asd #actually autistic