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#i was gonna have a free week but guess not
a-b-riddle · 2 days
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Part Three
Warning: If you don't like Taylor Swift, you're not gonna like this chapter that much, homie. But So Long, London is so fitting for this drabble series. (I guess a series since it's longer than a drabble at this point)
Can’t stop thinking about reader just trying to move on
You had to remind yourself several times not to check in with the guys. It had almost become second nature doing something big like this. But going to another country…
Not that they would care. You told yourself. It was for the best that way.
The expo went better than you expected. You didn’t believe that there would be a line out the door of eager readers wanting to read your book, but you got a decent amount. More than a few told you they couldn’t wait to read it. Several asking for photos and asking questions on any future books, a spin-off or even continuing the series.
When one a particular large group of girls your age asked for a group photo, you could have cried. They were had found each other in an online book club. You had given them your book several months ago. All copies signed with a note thanking them for taking the time to read what you had poured your heart into.
You had spent a large chunk of your free time talking to them. Bonding more so as women than over your book.
"Have you listened to Taylor's new album?"
It had only been out for two days and you had been able to avoid it like the plague. You didn't need to even listen to 'So Long, London' to know it would fucking gut you. So you would enjoy your time in the states. Save the listening experience for when you were packing up their stuff.
They had posted and tagged you before continuing on with the rest of the expo. You had reposted the photo to your own social media. Or at least one attached to the pen name you had crafted. You only had twelve thousand instagram followers, but it was something.
The first day was much like the second. You had attended several Q & A sessions with a panel of more experienced authors and managed to go to a few meet and greets. Before you knew it, it was time to pack up shop.
The agent the publishing house had assigned to you had stuck with you for most of the day. You were able to pick her brain a bit about new ideas for possible future plot lines and her thoughts. Overall, the trip was great.
Not only were you able to make great connections and take a lot back home with you to reference, but for a few days you forgot what waited for you back home. Or rather what wasn't waiting for you.
By the time your plane landed back in London you could barely hold yourself up. You left the expo, went straight to the hotel to shower, pack and head to the airport.
Your flight was delayed. Your luggage was taking forever to get onto the belt. It was only seven, but fuck if you weren’t ready to just call it a day. Tomorrow you would have to start again. Opening up the shop. Coming back to an empty flat. Maybe start gathering up the items the boys had left behind.
Should you give them in separate boxes or just one giant one and let them sort it out themselves? It was easy to discern whose sweatshirt and t-shirts belonged to who, but when it got to things like socks and chargers...
Yeah.
They could sort it themselves.
You could drop it off at Kyle's when you knew he would be at the gym. He was good at avoiding you anyway.
It wasn't until you stood in your apartment did it hit you.
You were alone.
For the first time in over a year you couldn't call one of them over to soothe that ache of loneliness.
For the first time in over a year, you had to relearn how to handle just being alone.
You usually showered at night. Washing away the grime of the day before settling into bed. But today was a new chapter. You woke up wanting to start it on a good note. Plus you went straight to bed after getting home so you still had a bit of airport funk on you.
It had been a week. One official since you had sent that text nailing the coffin shut. You had touched base with your friends who didn't bat an eye at you dating four men at once. They liked them, even if Simon scared them. You didn't give them the details of the breakup or the cause. You were pretty private in your problems and if you wanted relationship advice, you would seek an unbiased unopinion.
You had a good group of friends, but the moment you told them that you were well and truly heartbroken, they would insist the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. Something you were nowhere near ready for.
So you needed to look like you had your shit together. You put on a dress that was feminine and, most importantly, comfy as fuck. An A-line floral frock paired with a light sweater and some white trainers. You knew a few of your friends would be stopping by for tea so you need to look like you were taking the separation well. Even if you were barely holding it together.
With makeup and perfume on, you started the early morning stroll to your shop.
You loved openings. Starting up the register and selecting the playlist for today. Picking out the essential oil to put in the diffuser even though you mostly stuck with a lavender and vanilla blend during the spring months.
For the morning you stuck with a Taylor Swift Instrumental playlist you had found initially for studying, but you liked the peaceful feeling it brought. Even when it covered the most gut wrenching songs.
You had started to collect the online orders that had accumulated over the last week. Sending out the e-mails alerting to your patrons that their orders were ready for pick up. Luckily you weren't set to receive a delivery until tomorrow.
It was eight and everything was set. Although not many people came to a bookstore at eight in the morning, it really didn't bother you opening up that early considering you were the only employee that was on the payroll. It gave you the possibility of making money, but mostly you spent the morning reading or writing.
You flipped the sign over from CLOSED to OPEN. Ready to start take on the day.
You had turned the kettle on in the back room when your friends had stopped by around lunch. You always said it was just tea, but you always had an array of snacks on standby for you all to munch on.
Meredith was complaining about what a dick the new client at the law firm was being. An absolute slime who had been married to his wife for almost twenty-five years before he decided to fuck his twenty-two year old assistant.
Tabitha didn't want to talk about work. To her, her career in tech was just a paycheck. She did what she needed to do and left when she was done.
You talked about the expo and how your book. Although neither of them really read, they had promised that they would read your book. You didn't hold your breath. They had reposted your posts as well as making ones of their owns in celebration of you. Words of praise about your dedication and hard work.
You realized that even though they couldn't give you the support you needed as readers, they supported you blindly. You could have written absolute garbage, but they would still support you.
You talked about how many people liked your book and wanted pictures and to sign their copies.
Then came the question you had been rehearsing since you had texted them a week ago. They both shared a look before Meredith finally asked.
"How are you holding up?" You gave a half-smile and a shrug. So perfectly rehearsed in your head you were ready to deliver your lies lines.
"I'm fine," you lied. "It was just fading so there isn't much of a difference, I guess." Not necessarily a lie. "We just wanted different things and were on different paths in life." Not a lie. "It's for the best." You weren't sure if that last one was a lie or not just yet.
They both shared a passing look before returning their gazes back to you. "You know you can come to us about this stuff." Tabitha's hand reached across the table, placing a hand on top of yours.
"It wasn't going to work out." You added. "Situations like that don't and I should have known better."
"A situation?" Meredith asked. "When have you ever called it a situation?"
"It always was one."
"I love you enough to call bullshit." She raised her eyebrow at you, crossing her arms over her chest. "You loved them and you need to stop pretending this is easy."
"You're a divorce lawyer, Mere," You reminded. "You see marriages fall apart every day."
"I do. I get to see from across the table how a woman is still willing to take her cheating arse of a husband back. So the fact that you went from on cloud nine with all of them to not even talking about the break up is concerning to say the least."
"Tabitha," you looked at your only ally left. "A little back up would be nice."
"I'm with her on this one." She confirmed. "You loved them. Not that I cared, but if you weren't talking about books or the shop, you were talking about them. What you did, where you went. How they fucked you."
"I think I'll miss that part the most." Mere sighed. "I lived vicariously through you."
"You know you could actually date people." Tabitha suggested.
"I'd rather live with chronic carpal tunnel than a man." You almost choked on your tea. If you were wearing pearls you would have used the comedic relief of clutching them to break the awkwardness of the current topic of conversation.
"That should be put on a t-shirt." You suggested
"I wouldn't mind it on a welcome mat to be honest." Tabitha added.
"But in all seriousness, cut this bullshit." Meredith gave you an sympathetic smile. "We're here. Good, bad and ugly."
You returned her smile. "I know."
You had closed up shop for the evening. Your lunch had gone longer than expected so now you were left doing the dishes and clean up during closing. You were setting the last cup on the drying rack when you heard the front door chime.
Shit.
You must have forgotten to lock the door when you turned the sign.
“I’m sorry!” You apologized, making your way out of the back break area and to the front of the store. “We’re-”
“Closed.” He said, locking the door behind him. “I saw the sign.”
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arkos404 · 5 months
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i missed drawing them :)
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amaliatheartist · 2 months
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I forgive you
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aleki-lives-here · 2 months
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nicmares404 · 4 months
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Bruh, this is the third time i've been sick in the last 2 months. Viruses have to actually be targeting me at this point, cause this is just ridiculous (⊙_◎)
Like yeah I have a weaker immune system, but I'm literally not even going anywhere! I guess whatever traces my sister brings home from school (she's in HS) is enough. To make matters worse, my toddler brother is about to start pre-school. I sense so many more illnesses in my future O| ̄|_
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xxswagcorexx · 8 months
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grabs u by the shoulder. hey. hey u. have you've ever wanted to learn about a mcrp arc with themes about violence and the death of innocence, scary arcane experiments, political murder, and interdimensional travel where u meet alternative versions of urself?
well if any of that sounds awesome to you, BOY DO I JUST HAVE THE THING FOR YOU!!! midmysticx's egg arg in lifesteal season 4 has all of that!!! it had to be cut off short because of meta reasons, but with what was released so far, it was. So Cool .
now i HIGHLY recommend checking this out for yourself (a curated playlist that i made can be found here! it's pretty short but. imo the themes of it carry it in SUCH an interesting way), but if you don't have the time/want more. propaganda reasons why you should watch it, there's more under the cut!
(mild cw though for the "having a voice in your head through magic items/powers" trope! it plays a very small part in the story, but i'd figure i'd give a heads up just in case 👍)
ok so like. this arg happens in the canon of lifesteal season 4 (lifesteal seasons fully reset like hc seasons) and the main "progatanist" of this arg is c!midmysticx/c!mid, and most of the "lore" is told in the format of vhs tapes
that being said, c!mid is a little confusing in the way that s4!mid is implied to be a different character that c!mid from other seasons
i say that bc s4!mid made an "application video" for lifesteal, citing about how shes excited to join (even tho cc!mid has been a part of ls since s2)
also. very interestingly, mid excludes herself from the s4 start in a replay shot (even tho cc!mid was present during the s4 launch)
and interesting enough, s4!mid seems a bit. naive in the application video? like she mentions she's "good at editing" as one of her attributes on why she should be added to the server and mentions. nothing about the violence of the server (other than introducing the mechanics of the server which is LITERALLY about killing people to gain hearts and losing hearts when you get killed)
halfway through her application video, though (after a few months passed according to the date on the bottom of each video) she sounds very. bitter
the video changes to be all in black and white and she starts asking: "why? why do you all kill and ruin friendships and betray? all for hearts?!"--a MUCH different demeanor than what she had when she started. bitter and resentful, almost, compared with the excitement she showed earlier in her "application", and it ends with her announcing she stole the dragon egg and she's made 4 trials for people to look for it
anyways, moving onto the first tape that takes place ~around 2 months before the shift in demeanor, s4!mid starts to record video tapes about experiments she's doing with the dragon egg, eventually combining a heart with the dragon egg and opens up a portal
she doesnt know what on Earth it is so. shes testing it out right. like any person with safety concerns would
and well uh.
she puts a pig through and it fucking died
so . Erm! not a good start
anyways she eventually feels a voice/urge calling her to go through the portal even though she knows its risky, but she's been having such bad headaches that she goes through the portal anyways, ditching her plans to figure out how to control the power of the egg before going through it
and uh. heres where things get confusing again because this is where. the interdimensional stuff comes in
she arrives in an unknown location right. and. jumpscare . it ends up being a manor (and i'm just gonna call this mid "murder mystery!mid" bc the manor is the same one in one of her other videos, a halloween special where mid + co do a whodunit)
and basically, s4!mid witnesses a mayor election (which is a big part of murder mystery!mid's story), and after s4!mid explores for a little, s4!mid and murder mystery!mid eventually . make eye contact
and um. you see. s4!mid accidently eavesdrops (im assuming so? there's a tape of that and its been established that s4!mid films all of them herself) on murder mystery!mid's plan to kill the mayor and Uh. s4!mid. ends up also witnessing murder mystery!mid's murder as well
s4!mid gets chased and has to go back to the portal to escape, but the issue is. the portal doesnt bring her back to lifesteal. it brings her to eclipse smp
AND FUCKING BRINGS HER TO ECLIPSE!MID'S GRAVE
she eventually sees someone crying over eclipse!mid's grave before going away into the woods before hearing a sound and running away
that's where the arg (unfortunately) had to be cut off but like. Still. the part that makes me constantly rotate this arg in my head is the fact mid literally saw her own death. the different versions of her. her witnessing a version of her that was Willing to commit murder. the whole change in demeanor in the application video in such a short time .
anyways, if i had to homebrew an "ending" to this arg, i think mid would have traced back and started to Learn more about the other versions of herself, and eventually had a character arc where she just. witnesses all of this destruction and pain and suffering
and just. Realizes how much of that there can be and realizes how much stuff like that effects lifesteal and how. pointless it is in the end.
and eventually, in a last ditch effort to have everyone work together again and despite all she's been through, makes the egg arg
also on a meta level it would make sense i think (since a lot of the actual arg puzzles involved trust and working together and trusting your teammates)
and on the topic of the egg arg meta, it fucking worked. the lifestealers did work together and put trust in each other even when threatened with death to solve the arg.
it did bring lifesteal together. even just for a little bit
and i am just. man thats fucking cool!!!!!!
not to mention just. the cool character study stuff you can do on c!mid. the thought of seeing yourself throughout all of this. realizing about how these things can effect you in different ways. witnessing your own death TWICE. and by the time to come up because of it, you're a changed person on a fundamental level. and in the end, looking at the thing that caused all of this, and throwing it out there in a last ditch effort to make things right again. in the worst scenario. even though you're bitter and angry now. you try anyways.
that concept is so. cool to me . i wish more people talked about it but yk. this is me throwing my hat into the ring
egg arg my beloved fr <3
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ereborne · 1 month
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Song of the Day: March 22
"Too Sweet" by Hozier
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freebooter4ever · 5 months
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my 'ive given up on life but i cant live off maple syrup marshmallows and peanut butter sandwhiches i need to get groceries' outfit. for some reason it looks like i took this in daylight but its dark as night outside despite only been 6 and its the most depressing thing i should have gotten groceries in the sunlight ugh hindsight.
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jamminvroomvroom · 7 days
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it was all going too well for me i think
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girlypsyop · 9 months
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Man. Leaving a toxic relationship is just an exercise in learning how to live in your own head again.
#lot going on in here folks :'(#but also :')#for a few weeks i couldnt be alone couldnt be in silence couldnt just. think.#im loving myself again. im laughing and connecting and god im so excited for what comes next#june 19th lana..... you are my soulmate my rock my queen you are everything to me#bc june 19th lana had the strength to leave#june 19th lana swept me off my fucking feet and she fought and yelled and stayed up for 4 days straight#so that 4 days later i could be free again <3#i will work so fucking hard for june 19th lana.... i never want her to have any regrets... any whatifs....#im going to give june 19th lana the life she hopes shes fighting for#those four days were torture... moving... yelling... crying crying crying... more moving... driving...#she did that... for me....#literally she talked to me often... she would sit amongst the boxes and fear and heartbreak and shed talk to her future self#which ig is me <3 and shed tell me how she loved me and how i better not screw this up and she begged me to love her again#god i love her again. i love that mess of a girl. beautiful and strong and terrible! and she got out despite the torture.#june 19th lana. also june 20th 21st and 22nd lana. i hear you. you will have such a beautiful wonderful life i swear#one you will never ever second guess#he fucking killed us! he killed you! the connection the devotion the love it masked the insidious truth that you had to die for that shit#the life he could give you...its pathetic compared to what im gonna give you.#and unlike every promise he ever made... i never go back on my word :)#ok bye
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kohakhearts · 5 months
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well folks its been a good two months of denial but i am finally ready to admit that the reason everything sucks is because of major depression relapse. if i werent so depressed id make this everyone elses problem by projecting it on to blorbo but alas
#taylor.txt#incapable of making this not a joke but i do have to say it kinda sucks#like obviously ive never been 100% free of my depression probably on account of it developing when i was a Child and then not getting any#treatment or even really any sympathy for until i was in my late teens but. BUT. even my historic mental breakdown 2 years ago didnt really#feel like depression. like yeah i was sad and hopeless but this is very different. sad and lethargic more so. simply too tired to be lost i#despair. which is i guess a good thing because it means its easier for me to fix. its just that right now im kinda stuck in it#i dont know if id say ive experienced major depression since my first year of uni#thats why ive been denying it all this time despite it being pretty…glaringly obvious#anyway. good news is im meeting with the prof of one of the classes im currently failing this week#and now i guess i kind of have an idea of what to tell her because all this time ive been struggling and i havent understood why#the content makes sense. i understand whats going on. but my memory has gotten so bad recently and the energy required to do my assignments#has been way too much. and im past my limit on that at this point unfortunately. like yeah shes probably gonna tell me well that sucks but#theres nothing i can do to save your grade and thats fine but at least i know even if it was a Me Problem that i let myself get depressed#again in the first place being actively depressed is a major barrier that i at least know isnt 100% me being an idiot with a bad attitude#i will struggle to the finish line but i will make it there. even if i fail a class or two in the process#and regardless of if it gets better i will finally go see my therapist again in the new year </3 something obviously led to this so whos to#say it wouldnt happen again if i just let that fester. whatever it is#also writing has been tough for the same reason school has been tough but its still happening and i will do more of it when school is over#i PROMMY
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shoekinn · 2 years
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[Ruler of Ephemeral Flow] Itsuki Shu ☆
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polaraffect · 5 months
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#damien.txt#so listen. i've been kind of fucking depressed for the past 3 months ish#and im going to tell a story related to that in the tags so. if u continue to read. judgement free zone for me pls okay?#cool cool so im like. Really bad abt taking care of my self & my surroundings when im depressed#esp bc like. im in school & work so. literally ALL of my energy goes to those two things#and i will go. weeks upon weeks not cleaning my room#not throwing out trash. which i am AWARE is gross. but truly i would get home and pass tf out and then wake up and#start the day again. like i just truly was not engaging it in any way#anyways. so there's this library book that's been sitting on my nightstand for around a month ish#and ive also been using it as a place for other nightstand things- putting cups on. glasses at night. etc.#well. so i get an email that this book is due back tomorrow. so im like 'oh i should put this book in my backpack'#and i lift it up..... and fuck. there is literally spotty mold ALL. OVER. the back of this fucking book#i guess one of the cups i left on the night stand leaked liquid onto my nightstand and then it soaked into the book or something#and the book didnt move for a Month so like. it's had forever to just sit there and mold over.#and fuck. fuck! i was having such a good night before this too.#now im like.... what the fuck do i even do#i probably just need to go turn it in & pay the fucking expensive fee but like. fuck me. i wanna cry#it always feels like one thing on top of another. like things just are constantly going wrong in my life#and like i Know this is not. the biggest deal in the world. but it just feels like such a dumb fucking thing to happen idk.#anyways. gonna cry abt that and. i guess figure out what im doing with it tomorrow /:
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thresholdbb · 7 months
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The return to constant Voyager marathon has rapidly accelerated the brain rot
My apologies
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espresso-cookie · 6 months
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my bitchass thinking about cookie run multi animator projects again
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year
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...
#i was supposed to spend the last 2 days prepping and relaxing for the start of this big project tomorrow#but ive spent thr last 2 days frantically coding as fast as i could and focusing v hard to get a lot of bullshit done#and ive fixed things since yesterday. the changes i had to make were too too bad bc the thing that went wrong was so fucking weird#but it should be okay by tomorrow. knock on wood. but this does mean ive done fuck all to prep for tomorrow#so we r winging it bby. ugh. just gotta fucking pray that everything goes ok. pls let nothing b broken and let everything seal properly 🙏#i was also supposed to meet with my boss today. probably for her to make sure i dont fuck up this project but apparently their safety hood#was having an emergency... whatever that means. so im sure shes having a week as well. and im free to fuck everything up for everyone#ugh. im so. theres a certain point in burning out where youre not really in pain anymore. you dont really feel anything all your joy and#hope dissolves away and u just exist to be useful. and i feel like its easier to maintain that than trying to b happy#i do not advise that bc its a fucking miserable. wasteful way to live but i dont really have time to try for anything better#god. i really hope my measurements friday dont take a full 8hrs. i dont know if i can handle that. literally i would have stay intensely#focused with my brain being Interrupted every 5min so i can manually record data points. its gonna b agony#so that fun. but maybe it wont. maybe itll be great and fun and ill have a wonderful time. seems unlikely but ya never kno#lets not think abt the fact that having to rush all this is preventing me from being able to do all thr other bullshit i need to get done#to prepare for the future. future? what future? hard to imagine from the bottom of this pit im digging myself#sigh. in a few months i can leave this place and never come back. soon but not soon enough#lol i was literally crying listening to cold play earlier bc idk thats the type of music my parents would put on at parties in summertime#so it evokes a v specific mood. which is i guess me hiding away from ppl at parties haha#back when i didnt have to worry abt things so much and i could just listen to the frogs chirping and watch the fireflies#oh god. now my boss is asking if i reached out for help tomorrow. no. lady i would rather drink bleach than have to direct an undergrad#tomorrow. its 10pm im fucking tired. just let me be sad. did i reach our for help? no my brain is on fire#tomorrow is gonna b a long day ugh#unrelated
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