#i woke up crying and laughing rememebering this

[calygocat]

this came to me in a dream

#:3 #tf2 #i love tf2 #team fortress 2 #team fortress fanart #tf2 soldier #tf2 sniper #i woke up crying and laughing rememebering this #team fortress two #tf2 fanart #snipers a stoner can we all agree #soldier is a little confused but he got the spirit

[horrorkingdom]

What is a doppelganger? It is the ghostly double of a living person. The following doppelganger stories are supposed to be true and happened to real people.

1. I Was The Doppelganger

One morning, I was asleep in my bedroom when I was awakened by my brother yelling at me from downstairs and asking what I was doing. I got out of bed and went downstairs to see what he wanted. The moment he saw me coming down the stairs, his face went pale and there was a look of shock and fear in his eyes. “What’s wrong?” I asked. Just then, I heard the bathroom door at the end of the hallway slam shut. It was strange because we were the only two in the house. My brother said he had just seen me walk by him less than a minute ago and as I passed by I had given him a creepy smile. That was why he yelled at me and asked what I was doing. He said I didn’t pay any attention to him and just kept walking down the hallway. When he turned around, he saw me coming down the stairs and got the shock of his life. We ran down the hallway and checked the bathroom, but it was empty…

2. Mom? Mom? Mom?

One night, when I was 9 years old, I woke up around 3 AM and saw my mom standing in doorway of my bedroom. Something wasn’t quite right. Something about her was off. She looked pale… almost see-through… and she was just standing there in my doorway, staring at the wall.

“Mom?” I asked in a worried voice. She started moving towards my bed very, very slowly, and the whole time I kept asking, “Mom? Mom? Mom?” but she never answered. When she finally reached the head of my bed, she reached out to me very, very slowly and just as she was about to touch me, she suddenly vanished.

I immediately freaked out and scrambled out of bed in a panic. I ran to my parents’ room and when I opened their door, I saw both of my parents lying in bed, fast asleep. To this day, it still creeps me out when I remember that… thing… coming towards me very, very slowly…

3. The Garage Roof

I was 10 years old and I was playing hide-and-seek with my older sister in the backyard. When I finished counting, I started to look for her. I was surprised to find her crouching on the garage roof. She was just staring down at me and grinning from ear to ear. I thought it was strange and yelled at her to “come down!” She didn’t move a muscle. She just stayed there grinning down at me. Just then, I heard someone behind ask, “Who are you talking to?” I turned around and my sister was standing there. To this day, I have no idea who or what it was crouching on the garage roof. Our house is over 50 years old and a long time ago, someone apparently died in a fire in that garage. You can still see burn marks in the old wood…

4. The Other Me

My friends and I once spent the night in a haunted hotel. It was the Congress Plaza in Chicago. There were three of us altogether – myself and my two friends who were girls. We booked a twin room, so I slept in one bed and they slept in the other.

When we woke up in the morning, one of my friends was being really quiet. Her face was pale and she was trembling. We asked her what was wrong, but she didn’t want to tell us. After some coaxing, she said “It was probably just a dream… I’m sure it was… It had to be a dream…”

She said she had woken up in the middle of the night. The room was in darkness. She saw me standing there in the dark. I was facing the wall and had my back to her, so she couldn’t see m face. She said she sat up in bed and called my name, but I didn’t respond. She asked me what I was doing, but I didn’t answer her. Then, she looked over at my bed and saw me under the covers, sleeping peacefully. When she looked back across the room, the other me was gone.

5. What Are You Talking About? He’s Right Here

I woke up in the middle of the night and heard a noise downstairs. When I walked out of my room, I saw my dad in the hallway downstairs. He was sort of slumped over and he was opening the front door. I just stood there and watched him as he walked outside and sat down on the sidewalk. I watched him through the window. He was just sitting there, staring up at a tree. There was no expression on his face. He looked really pale… almost translucent. I got scared and went to my parents’ room to wake up my mom. I asked her why dad was sitting outside. “What are you talking about?” she said, “He’s right here!” I looked over and my dad was lying asleep in the bed beside her. It still terrifies me when I think about it…

6. Grade School Doppelganger

This happened to me when I was in third grade, and it scared me so much I started crying and had to go to the office to talk to the principal about it. I was in the hallway and my friend came walking out of the classroom to my right. He passed right in front of me and we said “Hi” to each other before he headed down the stairs. About 20 seconds later, he walked out of the same classroom, passed in front of me, and headed down the stairs. I just stared at him, confused and afraid. He stared back at me with a puzzled expression on his face.

7. Green Shirt and Denim Jeans

One day, I was home alone and lying on the couch, taking a nap. I heard the garage door slam and my brother walked by. The weird thing about it was that my brother didn’t say a word. He just turned his head and smiled at me. It was a very strange, unnerving smile. He was grinning from ear to ear. I thought it was odd, but I didn’t think much more about it. I hadn’t seen my brother all day and I noticed he was wearing a green shirt and denim jeans.

Three hours later, my parents came home and my brother was with them. I turned to my mom and said, “But… he was here a few hours ago.” My mother gave me a strange look. “I just picked him up,” she said. “He hasn’t been home all day.” And what was my brother wearing? Of course… A green shirt and denim jeans.

8. Mommy is Floating

When my son was 2 years old, he would often get up in the morning and wander around the house before my wife and I were awake. One morning, when I woke up, I came downstairs to find him standing in the kitchen. He was pointing at something and laughing. I asked him what he was pointing at and he said, “Mommy is floating in the kitchen.”

I didn’t think much about it at the time, but an hour later, my wife came downstairs. She said she had just woken up from a very strange dream. In the dream, she found herself floating out of her body and she rememebered floating down the stairs and into the kitchen… Freaky.

9. Who Was That Guy?

I was 24 and I worked at an office. One morning, my alarm didn’t go off and I overslept. When I woke up, I was already 30 minutes late for work. I got dressed as fast as I could and raced to my office, worried that I would be fired for being late. I made it to the office, parked my car and ran into the building. As I stepped off the elevator, I noticed people giving me weird looks. Everyone was staring at me. I started to panic because it was as if they all knew I was going to be fired or something.

When I saw my desk, things started to go from weird to terrifying. Someone was sitting in my cubicle, typing on the computer. It was a man. He turned his head and looked over his shoulder. Our eyes met and I felt the blood freeze in my veins. The man sitting at the desk was me. He had the same clothes, the same hair, the same face. He looked at me, startled, and then started to frantically pack up his papers. As I was walking towards him, he suddenly darted out of the cubicle and ran around the corner. I ran after him, hoping to catch him, but as I turned the corner, there was nobody there. Even worse, everyone was looking at me like I was crazy.

I checked the entire office, but there was no trace of him. I asked my workmates who had been at my desk, but they all said my desk had been empty all morning. They hadn’t seen anyone. I felt like I was going crazy, because no one else saw this guy who looked exactly like me sitting at my desk. The way he ran away, it was as if he were doing something he shouldn’t have been doing. I went into the bathroom and splashed some water on my face. I remember looking at my reflection in the mirror and feeling very uneasy at the sight of it.

This was one of the creepiest moments of my life. I quit my job at the end of the week and never went back. It’s been years since that incident, but I still find looking at my own reflection in a mirror strangely unsettling.

10. Dad’s Double

My dad used to work the night shift. He had to get up at 3 AM every morning to got to work. I would sometimes wake up and go downstairs to give him a hug before he left. One morning, when I was about 4 years old, I got to the bottom of the stairs and noticed that the front door was standing ajar. When I opened it, I saw my father walking down the driveway to his truck. He was dressed in his work uniform. I called out to him and asked him come back and give me a hug before he left. He slowly turned around and just STARED at me. He was giving me such a strange look that I started to get scared. I began crying and asking him what was wrong. He didn’t answer and just kept walking towards me.

Just before he reached me, I felt a pair of arms grab me from behind. I turned around and freaked out when I saw my father behind me. He was dressed in his work uniform and was staring at his doppleganger. The double took one look at my dad and ran down the driveway. My dad pulled me into the house and locked the door. I would have dismissed this as just my overactive 4-year old imagination, but my father also witnessed it. He refuses to talk about it, but my mom told me he was so freaked out that he didn’t go to work that day and she spent the day reassuring him that he wasn’t nuts

#horror #creepy #horror community #follow #creepypasta #scary threads #scary short stories #doppelgänger #true crime daily #true scary story

[gen0kill]

Nighttime fell upon her once she hit the bed for some dream time-- hoping for one of those wholesome dreams with maybe Asriel or Chara but it wasn’t that. It took her awhile to fall asleep but once she covered herself in the blankets and got all cozy; that’s when the nightmare begin to hit-- it began to overtake her from her peaceful slumber, while someone in the back with red eyes stared-- BEAMED at her from the distance of her room, the vibe was dark, darker than it could EVER BE, it turned the room ice cold.

[Dreams] She smelled breakfast, the smell of pancakes, bacon, eggs, and, the sweet smell of the SUGARY syrup that she always adored when she ate pancakes or waffles. She got out of bed as she instantly made her bed-- strange. She really never made her bed-- that she could REMEMBER. She walked out before she saw a person-- a woman to be correct; she had ginger hair with tan skin and freckles-- with bright blue aqua eyes, hair going down to her hips-- she was wearing a white dress with ruffles in the front. Myos stepped back before the woman spoke back softly... 

“Good morning my little flower! I’m guessing you got up for breakfast, your father is at work! So it’s just me and you time, darling!” the woman said smiling with hope. Myos froze in her steps-- wait-- father? She didn’t REMEMEBER having parents! Of course she knew she was human-- but she thought she was just-- FORGOTTEN. Eyes starting flooding with the water works, the woman tilts her head, “Frisk, why are you crying? What’s wrong my child?” 

“... I’m your... C-Child?” Frisk spit out as tears dropped down her cheeks, seemingly making a puddle of sorrowful tears, but-- a bit of happiness. The woman nodded with a raised eyebrow then a laugh with a snort, Frisk knew where she got that from now. “Of course! You were in my belly for 9 months silly! Now, come here... You now remember don’t you? If not it’ll still come to you shortly.”  her mother asked. A shake with her head no, her mother frowns a bit sadly. Her mother had that look of sadness, like keeping a secret from a little child about the TOOTH fairy or Santa. “Honey... You are from Norway, that’s why you speak what you speak.  Noytral-Ceoltair is your last name. I hope you know me and your father loved you so dearly and we’re sorry...  So sorry...”

She woke up instantly with a SCREAM, in a pool of sweat and tears. She grabs her hair into chunks as she starts to sob-- her head hurt but it wasn’t that fuzzy anymore-- it felt a bit better but it still hurt. Her illness slowly started to crack but not FULLY. 

#〔STUDY MORE ╱ WRITTEN HC〕 #tw long post #tw pregnancy #OKAY I NEVER SEEN ME DO THIS BEFORE BUT ENJOY HER PAST AND NIGHTMARE #〔PASSAGES FROM THE PAST ∕ NON-STARTERS〕

[gweniala]

Quantum Uncertainty

After re-reading Dake of the Past by shinakazami1, I was so violently inspired that I spent the whole afternoon, evening and morning writing. This is the 9-page result. I am proud of my muse.

If you’re not familiar with my five Guardians, have a look at NH: The Guardians at my dA page. That should do for an introduction so that you’re not confused who is who.

Important note: Several parts of this fanfiction, mostly the “flashbacks”, were taken from shina’s Dake of the Past and adapted so that they’d fit with my writing style a little more. I don’t claim ownership of those pieces. In fact, this entire thing is heavily based on Dake of the Past, it’s basically a retelling from another angle and... making it cannon. Go shina, your ideas are strange and awesome.

***

„Adah!“

The scream woke Ruze up like a knife stab. He shot up and looked around wildly. He heard a thump in the darkness… and when he finally made light, he saw Dake lying on the floor next to his bed.

“…What?” Gome asked sleepily.

“Dake?” Ruze growled. The Guardian of Fire groaned.

“I think I was having a nightmare…”

Ruze snorted, half annoyed, half relieved. “Don’t scare me like that. You almost gave me a heart attack.”

“Sorry…” Dake muttered, picking himself up from the floor. “Good night,” he said, lying down again.

“What was the nightmare about?” Gome asked curiously. He was shushed by three of his brothers, but Dake answered in spite of that. “I don’t rememeber anymore…”

“Lame,” Gome yawned.

Before Ruze went back to sleep, he saw Dake light a scented candle beside his bed. He usually kept one alight throughout the night, said it helped him sleep. Did he forget to light it in the evening? Ruze couldn’t remember.

They all fell back asleep one by one.

***

“Tell me only once more ‘I love you’… and I will never go away again.”

***

“Look at that beauty,” Dake said and nudged Kamzik in the rib cage. The Hoodian jerked and spilled dynamite powder on his lap.

“What?”

Dake pointed. Caline and Krevel were walking across the Arena toward the Explosive Shack. They were chatting amicably.

“May I remind you that she’s married?” Kamzik pulled one brow up and returned to stuffing his dynamite stick.

“Yeah but… do you see those huge… stems?” Dake grinned shamelessly, gesturing in front of his chest.

Kamzik rolled his eyes. “Why won’t you just leave her alone?”

“Because she’s one of the very few girls here!” Dake retorted, his gaze never leaving Caline’s body. “I can’t waste this opportunity.”

“It’s always girls, girls, girls with you,” Kamzik looked at the Guardian angrily. “What’s your problem? There aren’t any girls on the Neverhood. The only ones we’ve got is Tao who’s weird and Klaya who’s your mother! Why do you keep going on about them? Aren’t guys enough friends for you?”

“Ah-ah,” Dake wagged his finger. “You have to learn to appreciate beauty, my friend. The curves of a female body are the most refreshing gaze one can… Hello, madame,” he took off his non-existent hat and bowed to Caline, who had just entered the Shack. “May I interest you in some fireworks tonight?”

“No flirting, we’re just passing through,” Krevel told him sternly and pushed Caline through the Shack.

“They will start at eight in the Arena if you take a fancy!” Dake called after them with a wide smile. “Anyway, as I was saying,” he turned back to Kamzik. He paused when he saw what the Hoodian was doing with the dynamite stick. “That is going to explode in your hands, you know,” he said dryly.

“No, it’s not,” Kamzik defended his craft, covering the stick end and inspecting the finished product.

“Uh-huh,” Dake nodded, unimpressed. He took the dynamite stick from Kamzik’s hand (“Hey!”) and walked out into the Arena (“What’s your problem?”). “Watch and learn,” he told his discontented friend. He snapped his fingers and the fuse caught on fire. He barely had time to extend his hand before the dynamite exploded.

“For Quater’s sake, you madman!” Kamzik cried out, running out of the Shack toward his friend. When the smoke cleared, he saw that Dake was covered in soot and completely unharmed. “You’re crazy!”

“And you can’t stuff a dynamite stick,” Dake replied swiftly. “Come on, I’ll show you how it’s done so that you don’t lose a limb or two the next time.”

***

“Dake, why are you sleeping on the ground?”

It was Loopid, one of the youngest Hoodians. Dake groaned. He found Loopid terribly annoying. Whenever Dake approached a lady, this guy would appear out of nowhere and spoil his plans.

“What do you want, Loop?” Dake growled as he picked himself up from the ground. “I’m not bothering anyone right now. Is there a problem?”

Loopid didn’t answer. He was looking at his feet, rocking from side to side gently. Then he smiled, waved at Dake and walked away.

What is up with this guy? One moment he hates me, the next he’s all smiles.

But he wouldn’t waste any more time on him. He needed to see Klem, one of the Neverhood medics. Surely she would give him her time of the day.

***

Arig was tending to a gramophone flower sapling when he heard the inarticulate cry. He looked around quickly, recalling whom he had recently seen in the Garden. When he couldn’t see anyone, he felt out. Immediately he noticed a Hoodian lying under the five-leaved ivy. He rushed over. It was Dake, lying on his side and twitching.

“You said to her… live for… three more years, and…“ he was mumbling.

„Dake,“ Arig called out to his brother. Dake didn’t react.

“Without any memories about me…”

“Dake, wake up,” Arig nudged him gently.

Suddenly Dake’s eyes sprang open. “You BASTARD!” he bellowed and swung his arm, sending a fan of blazing fire out. Arig leaped backward. The heat singed his face and chest, leaving behind nasty burns.

“D-D-Dake?!” he stuttered, wide-eyed and terrified. He felt his face; the wounds were regenerating.

Dake blinked and sat up. He looked at his hand. “What?” he uttered, disoriented. Then he looked at Arig and his eyes widened. “By mother, bro, I’m so sorry,” he got to his feet and went to hug Arig, but the Hoodian scooted away. Dake stopped, looking regretful and ashamed. “I must have been having a nightmare.”

Arig nodded, taking deep breaths to calm himself down. He had not seen that coming at all. It had been harmless, all in all, but for a Guardian to use his powers against his brother… “I know. You… you realise that they keep coming back, right? Are you doing anything about them?”

Dake shrugged helplessly. “Candles help. I didn’t want to fall asleep here… Arig, I’m sorry man…”

Arig waved his hand. “I’m fine, you just scared me. Come on, let’s sit down. Do you remember what the nightmares are about? You keep calling someone called Adah…”

“Adah…” Dake repeated thoughtfully. “Doesn’t ring a bell. Maybe Hoborg knows something about them.” He rubbed his hands gleefully. “I hope it’s a girl! Then I could have one at least in my sleep.”

***

“Adah,” Bobuslaw set down a large dusty book, “was a historical figure. She was a wife to Nuri and the sole survivor of the burning of Lides. She lived on a world created by Arven a long time ago. Her name survived to this day because the village’s gruesome end attracted much attention, including that of historians.”

“What happened?” Krevel asked, sipping at his cup of tea.

“Bad business,” Bobuslaw shook his head sadly. “The village shaman, Majeer Shanem, went mad. He murdered everyone in the village except for Adah and then set his house on fire. The fire blazed so high that it could be seen hundreds of miles away. Adah was found scrambling through the ruins, half insane with pain from the burns. She was trying to find the corpse of her husband, Nuri, among the corpses of the villagers, but they were all burned beyond recognition… She died on the same day, but not before she told everyone what had happened. That’s how she made it into historic records.”

“Why did the shaman spare her?” Krevel asked.

Bobuslaw shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe he liked her?”

Krevel made a small sceptical smile. “Thank you, Bobuslaw. You’ve been a great help. Your library’s really the best. We couldn’t find a mention of Adah in the entire Castle or in the Hall of Records.”

Bobuslaw blushed and chuckled from the praise. “Do you want to borrow the book? Perhaps you’ll find more interesting things in there.”

“I would like to,” Krevel nodded curtly. “Ottoborg?” he called upstairs. “I’m done here. Would you mind coming down and giving me a ride back to the Brokenhood?”

***

“Nuri was a Guardian of Fire,” Ruze muttered darkly, flipping through the pages. “The shaman didn’t burn his house down, it was Nuri who came in there and fought him with fire. Dake shouldn’t be remembering this. He’s not supposed to recall any of this.”

“But he doesn’t, does he?” Gome piped up. “He has no idea who Nuri or Adah are. He doesn’t remember that previous life when he’s awake.”

“He’s not supposed to remember it at all!” Ruze raised his voice. “Sorry. Fuck.” He ran his hand across his face. “This is really bad. I don’t know what’s happening, but it’s really bad.”

“How can you tell?” Arig asked carefully.

Ruze hesitated. “I don’t know. Gut feeling. I’m just getting the feeling that remembering your previous incarnation is really, really not supposed to happen. I’m worried that the hothead might be interdimensionally sick.”

“Interdimensionally sick,” Gome repeated in admiration. “Psyche… I wanna be interdimensionally sick.”

“No, you don’t,” Ruze snapped, but he couldn’t help smiling.

***

“Higher, higher! Nuri, I want to go higher.”

“Hush love, any more and the fire might hurt you. I can’t let that happen.”

Adah just laughed and told Nuri to give her a break. After their hot-air balloon touched down, she made dinner for them, and like every day, they ate it together in the garden.

When they were just about finished, Adah disregarded table manners and began to sing:

“Something so unfair,

a woman kills a man.

Why did we not beware

and why did you say it, Shanem?

We will die anyway,

but what will it be for

if we have to start up everything

right from the beginning once more?”

She stopped and smiled at Nuri. He knew that his wife’s health was getting worse. He needed to go alone to Majeer Shanem and ask him some questions. And one of those questions was…

***

“We don’t think this is a good idea,” Ottimo shook his head.

“Please,” Ruze stepped forward. “You and Tuborg are the only ones who can help us. Hoborg has rejected us twice now, and Ottoborg doesn’t want anything to do with it.”

“Have you considered that they might have a reason for that?” Tuborg asked snidely. “I’m not saying a machine that can read dreams is impossible…”

“…but it’s really immoral,” Ottimo finished for him. “I like my privacy when I dream.”

“You share half of your dreams with me,” Tuborg narrowed his eyes as his twin.

“You don’t count,” Ottimo shrugged.

“Then it’s possible,” Ruze latched onto the only important thing he had heard. “You can get inside someone’s head and see their dreams.”

The twins looked at each other. Ottimo pinched the bridge of his nose. “Let me get this straight. You’re worried that your brother is ripping through reality when he sleeps, which is why he gets dreams about his past life.”

Ruze nodded. Ottimo stared at him in exasperation.

“Don’t you think that it could be a coincidence? Maybe he just have heard the name Adah somewhere. Dreams are weird.”

“And repetitive,” Tuborg added. “Sometimes you’ll have the same dream for years.”

“On top of that, your brother is a womaniser who can’t keep it in his pants for shit,” Ottimo continued.

“He’s been constantly hitting both on our mother and our sister, who are both happily married,” Tuborg elaborated.

“Why would we want to help you get inside his head when we don’t like him very much already?” Ottimo finished.

Ruze bit his lip. “I can offer a favour.”

Ottimo waved his hand, dismissing that option. “Favours are a Neverhoodian thing. Raise the bid.”

“You want money?” Ruze stared at them in surprise.

“What? No!” Ottimo recoiled.

“Best klay would be nice, though,” Tuborg interjected thoughtfully.

“Brother dear, don’t get distracted,” Ottimo told his twin. Tuborg shrugged and smiled.

Ruze huffed. “Fine. Then what about information?”

“Ooh,” the twins said in unison and leaned forward.

“Now you’re talking,” Tuborg said.

“What kind of information?” Ottimo asked, grinning. “A new robot drive?”

Ruze turned his palms up, shrugging. “I may come up with something. Let me into your workshop and I’ll figure something out.”

Tuborg caught Ottimo’s eye. “Are we really going to sell out like this?” he asked, a little concerned.

“Depends on what miracle of technology he comes up with,” Ottimo shrugged and smirked. “Think of dad’s reaction when he sees it. It has to be real good if we’re constructing a dream reader in return.”

***

“And I’m supposed to sleep with this thing on my head?” Dake asked sceptically, turning the dark grey helmet in his hands. “Won’t it explode and tear my head off?”

“It won’t, I checked,” Ruze assured him.

“Right.” Dake rubbed his lips. “I’m still not totally cool with this, just so you know. I’m not wrong it the head. A dude’s allowed to dream.”

“Just put it on,” Usha rolled his eyes and prodded his brother. “We’re all curious about Adah.”

“One more thing,” Dake said as he was putting the helmet on his head. “You’re the only ones who’ll see this, right? Bros before hoes. You’ll tell no one.”

“We promise,” Ruze knocked on the grey helmet affectionately. “Now go to sleep. I hope you’re not too nervous to fall asleep.”

“I’ll keep you all awake for hours,” Dake laughed sinisterly.

He was out within ten minutes.

***

“It’s nice to have such a good patient,” Klem smiled at Dake, wiping her hands clean on a white peace of cloth. “But next time, please, don’t visit ill ladies again. You might not wake up again. Capishe?”

“Of course, Klem,” Dake smiled back, appreciating the view of her curving body. “I don’t understand what happened either. I wanted to find you because I didn’t feel so good, and then I don’t remember anything.”

“Not even what you did in the waiting room?” Klem asked, raising a brow.

“Eh heheh, you know me…” Dake laughed it off. “I’ll see you.”

“Take care,” Klem said, catching and holding his eye as he walked out of the infirmary.

***

“Wow, it’s his dream girl! Did you see that look? That’s what I can flirting!”

“Hush, Gome. You’ll wake the loverboy up.”

***

On his way home, Dake found something completely unexpected.

“Hello girl!” he whistled. “Do you come down here often?” Finally, a new face! He had never seen this Hoodian, and she didn’t look like she knew this place either.

“Yes, quite often,” she smiled at him and batted her eyelashes. She made his blood boil just by that little gesture. “Tell me, darling, where can I find Hoborg?” Her voice was so familiar. But, as he looked at her chest, that wasn’t the only familiar thing about her. That chest didn't belong to the girl from his dreams. No, it was…

“Of course,” he heard himself say. “But first, won’t you tell me your name?” It couldn't be. That chest was the same as Loopid��s. The shape of it was different, of course, but the threaded markings definitely looked similar to his.

”This is my problem,” the girl sighed. “I need to find the king so that he gives me a name. My brother already has one, but I don't.”

“Who’s your brother? You know, most of us can be siblings and lovers at the same time.” He smiled at her, as bright as the sun, while his stomach was turning like a restless otter. He felt like he knew her.

“Well, his name is Loopid…” she told him intimately.

He remembered Loopid's birth. He was born with three brothers, no sisters. But let's play this game of yours, he thought. “Really? Where is your brother now?”

“Oh Nuri,” the girl purred, coming even closer to him. “He is here.”

Dake’s eyes widened. “What did you call me?” Nuri. That name… it belonged to him. How? He felt like something was tearing… “What is this game?” he grabbed the girl by her shoulders. “Who are you? How do you know-” Unwelcome images flashed in his mind: a great fire, a crouching shaman covered in red… a great despair.

Her smile vanished. She looked down and said: “You said that one day I would be the one to forget you. And yet I see you here, chasing other women, not remembering me… Loop is doing a good job.” She sounded close to tears. She looked him in the eye hopefully. “Don’t you remember someone named Adah?”

It was her. The one he had been longing for. Wordless, he hugged her. He was happy that only she could see him cry. Corrupted memories were flooding in.

Then he heard a male voice.

“Welp, I see this session is over. I thought she said she could be here a little here longer.”

***

Dake yelped and jerked awake. Arig went to calm him down, helping him take the grey helmet off. The Guardian of Fire squinted at the static-filled screen.

“Well? Did you see something?”

His brothers responded with silence.

“What? I don’t remember anything. Was it scary? Was it rad? I think I woke up with terror, but I can’t really remember what it was about…”

Finally Ruze broke the silence. “This is really bad.”

“What?” Dake bristled. “Why? You guys – what did you see?”

“It was another Neverhood,” Gome said with wonder. “Different from this one. There were different buildings and different people… I hardly recognised some of the places. But it was definitely the Neverhood.”

“Oh,” Dake perked up. “Were there girls?”

“You talked to two of them, but I saw a lot more,” Gome nodded. “I thought you said the image would be hazy and blurred?” he turned to Ruze. “But I could see everything in detail. And were we supposed to hear Dake’s thoughts, too? By mother, I’d never looked at someone’s chest with that much intensity.”

“We weren’t,” Ruze growled from where he was leaning against the wall, arms crossed. “That’s the point. This wasn’t a dream.”

“What about a very vivid dream?” Usha suggested.

“No!” Ruze barked, making Usha jump. Then hid his face in his palms and groaned. “Why are you doing this to me, Dake…”

“I’m not doing anything, you’re the one who insisted that you take a peek at my dreams,” Dake protested. “Not my fault you didn’t like what you see. I don’t remember any of it!”

“Do you really not remember a single dream?” Arig asked. “Not ever?”

“Not ever,” Dake confirmed. “I’ve always been jealous of people who remembered their dreams. I know that I have dreams, but I forget them the moment I wake up.”

“Ruze?” Gome said. “Do you mind telling us why you’re so upset over this?”

Ruze let his hands down and glared at his well-meaning brother. “Sure,” he said in the end. “What Dake’s having aren’t dreams. He’s tapping into another reality. That’s why the image is so clean. His brain isn’t making it up as it goes. It’s genuinely happening, somewhere very far away, and our lover boy switches between bodies and realities as he goes.”

“Ahem,” Usha cleared his throat, breaking the still that followed. “Not to be a spoil-sport, but are you sure that you’ve been getting enough sleep? You sound half delirious right now. I’m pretty sure that other realities don’t exist.”

“I’m-” Ruze began to snap back, but then he noticed the others nodding. “…You really think so? That I’m making this up?”

“I’m just saying that you’re reading a lot into it,” Usha shrugged apologetically. “How would you convince us that what you’re saying is true? Do you have anything beside your gut feeling?”

Ruze hesitated. Then he sighed, defeated, and leaned back against the wall.

“It would explain one thing, though,” Arig spoke up in a musing tone. “Didn’t you find it weird that Dake always chased after girls, even though there weren’t any? Maybe he does it because he remembers them from his dreams. After all, there were a lot of girls there.”

“I don’t remember anything from my dreams, I’ve just told you,” Dake pouted. “Don’t make me out to be deranged.”

“No,” Arig shook his head, “I’m not saying anything like that. It wouldn’t be the first time someone I knew switched back and forth between an alterego and didn’t remember anything.” He paused, looking at his brothers expectantly. Confused stares was all he got. “Really? No one’s told you The Perfect Stone yet?” He shook his head in disbelief. “I’ll have to get Nike to tell it to you once he comes back again. It was Krevel. For reasons I can’t begin to speculate about, he put Hoborg’s crown on many years ago. He turned evil and forgot everything he was before.”

“Holy water,” Gome interrupted. “Krevel put on Hoborg’s crown? And they just let him walk around the Hood after that? He’s a security risk!”

Arig shrugged uneasily. “I… don’t think he is? Anyway, that’s beside the point. What I want to say is, after Krevel turned into Leverk, he didn’t remember anything about being Krevel. And after he turned back, he didn’t recall anything about being Leverk either. But Nike and Nehmen insist that it was still the same person, with the same background, opinions and insights. He just didn’t keep any conscious memories. It was all in the subconsciousness.” He tapped his temple. “The same thing could go for Dake. He doesn’t remember any girls in particular, but he knows that there are supposed to be girls.”

“Are you serious?” Dake frowned at him. “Your theories are even more unhinged than Ruze’s. Don’t tell me you actually believe the guy.”

Arig made a defensive gesture, sitting back on his bed. “Don’t shoot the messenger. I’m just pointing out that there’s a precedent.”

“I don’t have an evil alter ego!” Dake cried out. “Seriously, I think this entire business with dream reading is a load of bullshit. I don’t know why I agreed to it in the first place.”

“Your previous incarnation apparently burned his shaman’s house down to the ground,” Ruze growled.

“He was very obviously upset that his entire village had been killed!” Dake threw his arms out.

“Yes, my point exactly,” Ruze bared his teeth, rising up from the wall. “He let his fury get the better of him. As far as we know, both he and the shaman burned to their deaths in that house.”

“Don’t compare me to some lunatic!” Dake hissed, getting up from his bed as well. “Should I dig up some historic records of your previous lives, see how you fared in the big cruel world?”

“Guys,” Gome said unhappily.

“Go ahead and try,” Ruze hissed back. “Whenever we find references of previous Guardians, it’s always the Guardian of Fire. Who was the first one we learned about, huh? The Warrior of Fire, Gerard. Very moving story, tells how you got your cool sword. Begins with how you burned your house down and our parents with it.”

“Burn in hell!” Dake shouted, stomping his foot. Sparks came out from under it. “You don’t get to order me around like this! My past selves are long gone, and my dreams are mine alone!”

“Funny thing that,” Ruze snarled. “Cause it seems to me like you’re breaking the fabric of the universe in your dreams. You always did what you wanted, chaos. As thoughtless as ever.”

Dake placed his palm over his chest and bright red light seeped from between his fingers. “You will NOT-”

There was a loud crash followed by a splash. Dake yelped and jumped back as rivulets of water ran across the floor. They converged in Gome’s hands as one bobbing blob of water.

“Alright you hotheads – I have a bucketful of water and I’m not afraid to use it!” the Guardian shouted, taking a battle stance. “The first one to smite the other will get wet from head to toe! Seriously though,” he added in a tone much less aggressive and more pleading, “quit it, please. You look like you’re gonna murder each other. Can’t you just take a break and talk it out? Ruze, you don’t gotta rub Dake’s previous lives in his face, you know that’s a low blow…”

Ruze seemed to deflate at that. He slumped his shoulders and said quietly: “I see. That’s how it is, then. None of you believe me.” And he turned to leave. He ignored when several voices called out “wait”. When someone grabbed his hand to stop him, he tried to yank it out. But the grip was stronger than he had expected. He turned around to glare at whoever was stopping him from leaving. He hesitated when he found that it was Arig.

“You…”

“Don’t run away,” the Guardian of Earth said quietly, covering his brother’s hand with his other palm. “We’re here, we’re with you. If something is wrong, we need to know.”

Ruze wavered. Arig pressed his hand and pulled him back gently. “Come. You need to explain where you’re coming from. Otherwise we’ll never understand you.”

Ruze took a deep breath and released it in a sigh. “Fine,” he murmured. He plopped down on his bed and hid his face in his hands. Gome gave Dake a threatening look and wobbled the water bubble in his hands.

“Put that away,” Dake muttered nervously.

“No playing with swords in the bedroom,” Gome reminded him. “Um, Arig? Would you make me a bucket? I don’t have anywhere to put this.”

Dake lit a scented candle it the meantime. It filled the room with the fragrance of chamomile.

“Alright,” Ruze raised his head when they were all settled down. “So… you know that I’m the Guardian of Order, right?”

“Order?” Usha echoed. “You’re the Guardian of Invisible Forces, aren’t you?”

Ruze nodded. “I thought you might not know. Yeah, that’s what they call me. Earth, Water, Air and Fire… and Invisible Forces. Didn’t that seem odd to you? That the fifth element is kinda… redundant?”

“I thought they didn’t know what to call you, so they just came up with something,” Dake shrugged.

Ruze smirked. “I’d think you were trying to be a smart arse, if that wasn’t exactly how it is. Thing is, we didn’t start out as the Guardians of Earth, Water and so on. We started out as three Guardians of the real world and two Guardians of the meta world. The real world, obviously, falls onto you three,” he gestured to Arig, Gome and Usha. “You don’t have elements per se, you command the three states of matter: solid klay, liquid klay and gaseous klay. Earth, water and air just happen to be their most prevalent examples.”

“Oh yeah,” Gome lit up. “I found out I could control molten metal the other day. Cool, right?”

Ruze nodded. “Arig goes a little out of this context because of his second contract, but his flower power is just a wild mix of empathy and regular solid klay skills.”

“Don’t call it flower power,” Arig protested weakly.

“And then,” Ruze paid him no mind, “you’ve got me and Dake. Anyone take a guess what our ‘real elements’ might be?”

“You said you were the Guardian of Order,” Gome said in an unsure tone.

“Congrats, you have an attention span longer than a fish,” Ruze smirked. “And Dake?”

“You called me chaos before,” the Guardian of Fire muttered reluctantly.

“Yep,” Ruze stared at his brother. “You’re the Guardian of Chaos. You could also be called Energy, or Entropy, or Change. Either way, Quater’s original intent was that three of his Guardians represent matter, and two Guardians the antagonistic forces that shape matter. I get to make the rules. You get to break them.” Ruze rubbed his eyes with his palm. “I can’t imagine what the world looks like to you, guys. I suppose you’re ‘one’ with your element. You can feel it, you can move it, it feels like a second nature to you.”

“Something along those lines,” Usha commented.

“To me, the world is a set of rules,” Ruze continued. “I feel the tick of time. I know the structure of things and how they fall one into the other. I get the most basic of forces, gravity, electricity and magnetism, because everything else is too complex for me to fully understand. I get a few cool tricks, but they’re not terribly useful in real life.” He sighed and glared at Dake. “And then there’s you. Who’s able to break my rules without any conscious effort. Who apparently travels in space and time and between alternate realities in your sleep, just because you can.”

Dake shrugged, and seemed somehow pleased with himself.

“Your ‘element’ is phoney, just like mine,” Ruze frowned at the self-satisfied expression. “Fire is a chemical reaction, not a real thing like the air or the earth. Your original power lies in disregarding rules and making your own reality.” He sighed and ran his hand over his face again. He seemed tired all of the sudden. “And that’s why I have such a bad feeling about your dreams. I can’t prove that something is wrong with you. After all, you’ve been having these dreams since we were born and I didn’t feel any tears in the fabric of reality yet. It’s possible that your jumping between timelines is completely safe. But it’s not the way it’s supposed to be. You’re not supposed to recall your previous lives. You’re not supposed to know about another Neverhood where girls are plentiful and chasing skirts is normal. I’m sorry for freaking out on you, but… by mother, it just gives me such bad vibes…”

“Is that all?” Dake asked curiously. “You went this far on a feeling?”

“Sod off,” Ruze mumbled and turned away, flustered.

“And here I thought Gome was my eternal rival!” Dake laughed. “I didn’t know I should hate you in particular.”

“You shouldn’t hate him or Gome,” Usha frowned. “That’s like saying that I should hate Arig just because our elements are so different. You should work together and let your powers complement one another.”

“Hear hear,” Ruze smirked sarcastically. “There’s something about what you say, though. I noticed that not only is the Guardian of Fire the most popular one in literature. He’s also the one who brings the most disasters. Neither Gerard’s nor Nuri’s story ends well. I think Quater might have tweaked your powers a little so that another Guardian could keep you in check. Hence the Guardian of Water.”

“You think so?” Gome asked excitedly. “Then is it alright if I splash him a little from time to time?”

“I will smite you,” Dake began to hiss. Ruze waved his hand quickly to stop them both.

“You don’t splash anyone unless they’re making trouble. But, uh… the bucket was actually good thinking on your part.”

“Hee,” the Guardian of Water smiled.

***

“You won't escape, Majeer. I will find you.”

***

Dake woke up in cold sweat. He unclenched his stiff fists and kicked the blanket off. His brothers were still sleeping. His candle had gone out.

He rubbed his fingers against each other to light it again.

In the bed across the room, Ruze stirred. “Dake?” he mumbled, rising up to one elbow.

The Guardian of Fire waved for him to go back to sleep. Ruze grunted and lay back down.

Dake stared at the ceiling for a long time. He didn’t remember a thing from his dream. Not even the feeling. Was it loving? Had he been with his wife? Had he been fighting the mad shaman? Had he flirted with a pretty girl? He didn’t know. He had no way of knowing.

He closed his eyes and tried to fall asleep again.

At the threshold between waking and dreams, he thought: Adah, my love… I’m coming.

#neverhood #fanfiction #guardians #usha #arig #ruze #dake #gome #nuri #adah #krevel #bobuslaw #loopid #klem #shinakazami1 #ottimo #tuborg #kamzik #ottonandpooky

[dreaminginretrospect]

He woke up because he was numb all over. He tried to get up but stopped because he couldnt move. That’s when he rememeber where he was, they are in bed together and she’s hugging him tightly. He let out a little laugh and tried to disengage himself from her, god he was hot and sweaty. She whimpered and hugged him tighter, her face inching closer to the nook of neck. He gulped. This isn’t good, he thought. Trying to get the erotic thoughts away from his mind. Now is not the right time. He heard her whimper again and he looked at her, really took a good look on her. Her eyebrows are together and she had this look like she’s in a bad dream

“Hey” he tried to wake her, touching her face. She squinted her eyes open and let out a small smile. Sh’s beautiful, he thought. He felt a tightness in his chest as he remebered this same thing 9 years ago when they first slept together, not having sex but just spending the night together and then seeing her face first thing in the morning. He remembered how happy and content he was and he felt sad because it was all in the past. She let out a little cry again like she’s in a dream. This time he woke her up. She looked up at him, apparently confused and disoriented.

“Dont...” she whispered and closed her eyes as if in pain. She doesnt seem to have woken up yet. “Dont what?” He asked, touching her cheek. “Dont wake me up”

Confused he raised an eyebrow at her then saw tears brimming her eyes, he panicked a little, “what do you mean? You’re awake, why are you crying?” She is sobbing right now and hugging him tighter, as if he was a figment of her imagination. “No im not,” she hiccuped,”for the past years that you entered my dreams, this is the first time you let me hug you, the first time i felt like you love me again,” she sniffed, hiding her face in his chest

“Even in my dreams you reject me, you leave me”

His heart went out to her and he hugged her in return as she continued to sob. “This is not a dream, im here” he tightened his arms, as if trying to chase the nightmare away. He could see how much she has struggled all these years. The trauma and scars that left her to continue living in the past, unable to face the future.

She stopped crying and pointed her face towards him, like really looked at him. Realization came to her eyes and she opened her mouth but couldnt say anything. He couldnt hold himself back any longer and gave her a long, deep kiss. The kind of kiss that told her that the past years he thought of her too, the kind of kiss that reminded her of home. When their lips parted they were both out of breath. His eyes searching hers.

“Are you real? Are you really here?” She whispered, lifting a shaky hand and stopping inches away from his face

He kissed her again.

“You kissed me in my dreams too”

And kissed her again, this time much longer, if only this kiss could make up all the years they lost, all the years they both suffered. He kissed her hungrily, wildly, until he felt his chest scream out for breath, he still kissed her.

“I love you... i never stopped”

Note:

I actually forgot that i had this saved on my drafts. For the longest time i wanted to write about my story, i wanted to write what I wanted to happen. I thought that in stories, at least I could have a happy ending. But i never got to. I don’t want to dip my hands to the deepest recesses of my heart. Actually i dont know how to feel that deeply again. My heart’s been in defensive mode since then. This post is not perfect, there may be a lot of grammatical errors, somehow i dont know how to put emotions to my writing but the part where i always dream of him is actually true. Sometimes i wake up crying because in my dreams he is still avoiding me, in my dreams he stopped loving me. And there are moments where i just think and wish that maybe this is all a dream, maybe one day ill wake up and he’s there beside me, loving me.

[flowerpowell]

Secrets VIII (Liam x MC // Drake x MC)

Somehow the song by TS “Out of the woods” seems like a perfect “””moodboard””” for this part. Part 8 is here and I hope you’ll like it! It was quite emotional to write haha.

All right for the characters go to Pixelberry, the plot is inspired by Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte, I don’t own these rights either.

Rating: Normal

Tagging: @flynnomalleys @walkerduchess @choices-sideblog @kickbuttbookworm @client327 @kingliamthirst @lilsouthernsunflower @damienazariostan @katurrade @mynameiskaylabella @bizzyschoices @furiousherringoperatortoad @speedyoperarascalparty @jared2612 @liam-rhys @confessionsofabrokegirl @drakelover78 @darley1101 @laniquelove @umccall71 @theroyalweisme @hopefulmoonobject @littlegreenmoo ♥

At first she didn’t believe it. 

But the moment she saw the look on Drake’s face she knew. He wasn’t any better. 

Oh how could she be so stupid and blind? Drake lived here, he might have hated these people but it was impossible he wouldn’t know anything. And how he argued with Liam, why didn’t she see that earlier? Riley didn’t know whether to laugh at her stupid self or cry because the only person she thought she could trust turned out to be a liar too. 

“What? He didn’t tell you?” Maxwell asked noticing Riley’s face. 

No he didn’t. He made me believe he didn’t know. He made me believe he was the honest one. He made me feel stupid. 

“No” she rasped. Her eyes were glossy, she could start crying any second now. 

“Riley...” she heard his voice. He was on the verge of crying too, she could sense that. For the first in the past few minutes, the minutes that pretty much changed her world, she looked at Maxwell, then at Hana, and then on Drake. 

They all lied. 

She swallowed hard and abruptly ran out of the stable. She was running so fast as if Madeleine was chasing her. The voices of her friends became distant as she reached the castle. Nowhere to go. She ran up the stairs right to her room but Liam noticed her and started yelling her name. Riley didn’t listen. He ran after her but luckily she managed to close the door. 

“Riley, open the door, please, we need to talk.” Riley brought her hands to her ears and blocked any sounds from around her. “Riley!” Liam yelled knocking on her door. She didn’t hear anything. She didn’t feel anything. Lying on the bed, Riley cried herself to sleep.

When she opened her eyes it was much later. The sky was dark and she realized it was night already. It’s been the longest day ever. Riley got up and noticed a piece of paper on the floor. Hesitantly, she lifted it and realized it was a letter. From...Drake. With new tears in her eyes she started reading it:

Hastings Riley,

There is nothing I could possibly say that would make you forgive me but at least give me a chance to explain. I would be mad at myself too so I totally understand. First, I’m sorry I never told you about Liam. I was going to, I swear, right before Max and Hana came. It just didn’t feel like my place to say anything. When I realized you might felt something to Liam I tried to talk you out of it because I knew the mess Liam was in. I am his best friend since childhood and I would never tell his secrets. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for everthing I did wrong. If that’s any help, that whole marriage was supposed to be kept in secrets because Liam was tricked to it. But surely he already told you that. So that’s all I guess. Please, forgive us. I really couldn’t tell you his secret. I’m sorry.

Love, Drake

Tricked? Well, whatever. She didn’t care anymore. She understood Drake kept his friends secrets but still believed they should warn her, at least. After all, what’s the big deal in telling someone was married? It should’t be a secret, right? 

A weak knock on her door startled her. “Riley?” 

Liam. 

“Riley, I don’t know if you can hear me but I will tell that anyway.” Riley sat down on her bed and listened. “Riley, I’m sorry. For everything I messed up. I should have told you from the start I had a wife. That I was made to marry her and then she locked me here with no chances of getting out. She’s a monster but I can’t divorce her. I can’t get out. Please Riley, I know it sounds odd but I swear that’s the truth. Riley, come out, eat something, drink something, you’re probably hungry.” Another knock. “Riley, I need to know if you’re okay. Please, say something.” 

Riley sighed. “I’m alive.” 

She heard a sigh of relief. “Can you please come out so we can talk?” Silence. “Okay, I understand.” He muttered. 

Liam didn’t say anything for a while and Riley thought he was gone but then he spoke again. “My father arranged it, you know? He thought I should marry Madeleine because she would make the best wife. And I trusted him. You usually trust your father, right? I did.” He stoped and sighed. “Turned out it was his plan. She was a part of it.” 

Riley still didn’t understand. She opened the door and her eyes met Liam’s. Red, tired, teary. He smiled weakly when he saw her. “You came.” He tried to touch her but she stepped back. 

“Because your story doesn’t add up. What was his plan? Why can’t you get out? Why can’t you take her to the police?” 

Liam inhaled deeply and looked at her. “Because she’s the Queen of Cordonia.” Riley was stunned. A Queen? “But...wouldn’t that make you--” 

Liam sadly nodded. “That was the part I didn’t tell. I needed to marry someone before I could become a King. I never knew what love was. So when he proposed to marry Madeleine I agreed. I wanted to be a good King. She already had Amelia and I was happy thinking I would have a wife and a child. Justin was the wedding officiant, he’s Madeleine’s brother.  Right after we got married my father asked me to move in here. He told me Madeleine and him would stay at the palace to talk about business. Instead, they issued the statement that I was dead.” Liam stopped, tears rolled down his cheeks. “He wanted Madeleine to take the crown but I was his son so I needed to marry her. Turned out she was the daughter of my stepmother. And my father would rather listen to her than his own son. My father threatened that if I ever show myself publicly he’ll execute me himself. That’s why I live here, with only closest friends. No internet so I don’t have to read about my own death.” He sighed. 

Riley thought for a while. “What about Olivia and other guests? Aren’t they surprised you’re actually alive?” Liam shook his head. “No, they don’t know I’m the King. For them I’m a simple, boring noble. They’re from outside Cordonia. I would never invite here anyone who would know about me. That’s why we hire people from outside, like you.” 

And suddenly, everything made sense. Everything. 

“It doesn’t change the fact that you lied” she whispered, “I’m not sure I should stay here anymore.” 

Liam looked her with panic. “What? No, don’t leave, Riley please.” He pleaded and took her hands in his. She was already crying. Liam leaned down and kissed her cheeks and eyes. He wiped the tears and clasped her to his chest. 

“Don’t leave me, please.” 

Riley gently pulled away. “I will think about it okay? And we’ll talk tomorrow?” He nodded, still looking down. She disappeared in her room closing the door behind her.

She was lying on her bed, not being able to sleep. Riley thought of everything that happened. When she learned Liam’s secret, when she found out all her friends here knew about it. And then, that moment with Drake just before he betrayed her too. And Liam was a King? That sounded so weird but everything made sense. She knew now why no one told her the truth but she still felt upset they lied to her. So many times. What if there is something else? She was so tired with everything. 

Riley sat down and looked around her room. She needed to make a choice. Either this or that.

Slowly, she got out of the bed, took her bag and started packing the most important items. She knew she promised Liam she’d stay but her thoughts were killing her. She couldn��t stay here any longer, that would destroy her. Riley glanced at the clock, it was four in the morning, everyone was still asleep. 

As quiet as she could be, she walked out of her room and closed the door. Quickly she walked to Amelia’s room, kissed her fingers and pressed them to the door. 

She stopped at Liam’s room and stayed there for a while. “Goodbye Liam. I forgive you. And I will always remember you, Phantom.” She pressed her kissed fingers to his door too and headed out, grabbing a banana on her way. 

She finally got out of the castle, of the garden and entered the woods. It was still very dark but she went straight ahead.

She was walking for hours now and still no sight of any city on the horizon. She might have been walking in circles, at this point she didn’t even know where she was going. Too tired, too hungry, and lost. Riley ate the only banana she had and cursed herself for not taking more food. She tried to call Maxwell at some point but there was no signal. Riley didn’t know what to do. Using all the strength she had left, Riley kept going and going. She took a short break under the shadows of some trees and took a nap. When she woke up it was already getting darker. She groaned at the thought of spending the night alone in the woods. But then again, this forest wouldn’t be creepier than the castle. She dreamed of going back to New York, to her parents. She wanted to forget she ever came here.

Few hours, that felt like eternity, later, she couldn’t go any longer. She was very hungry, she needed water to drink, she was tired, and her feet were killing her. Her grandmother’s dress she was wearing was ruined. Her eyes were swollen from crying. Riley stopped and lay down on a rock. She curled up and started crying again. She knew she was going to die, right there, right at this moment. There was no one to help her. Riley rememebered faces of people she loved. Her mom, dad, friends. She even saw Liam, Amelia, Drake, Bertrand, Maxwell, and Hana. They were all smiling at her and repeating that everything would be fine. She smiled at this thought, knowing it wasn’t happening for real. It was just her tired mind, playing tricks on her.

Riley started losing consciousness, her eyes slowly closing. She was drifting towards the unknown when she felt a pair of strong arms lifting her. Painfully, she opened her eyes to see the face of her savior. It was a man she didn’t recognize. He looked familiar yet completely strange. He carried her somewhere, she didn’t know where but didn’t care at this point. 

“Who are you?” she asked, her voice weak and tiny. The man looked at her face and smiled. “You’re safe, don’t worry.” Riley wanted to protest, it wasn’t the answer to her question after all but her eyelids were too heavy and she didn’t manage to say anything more. 

Right before she lost her consciousness for good she heard the man speaking again. 

“Leo,” he said, “My name is Leo.”

#trr #the royal romance #the royal romance fanfiction #drake x mc #liam x mc #leo x mc #drake walker #king liam #RoE Leo #maxwell beaumont #hana lee #olivia nevrakis #playchoices #play choices #choices stories you play #choices fanfic #choices fanfiction

[irregulardiaryposts]

00:53 21/06/2021

Hello again <3

so i think im gonna write about my mental health today because i dont feel like i have anyone who understands fully apart from myself maybe so i need to Organise my Thoughts. as a kid i had a pretty normal childhood, a mum a dad and a brother - pretty nuclear right. but as a child i felt like my family maybe wasnt quite right, that this wasnt supposed to be what family is? perhaps. - i was scared of my mum a lot because she wasnt very understanding of me - and i was a great kid, never getting into trouble, very good at school, no issues whatsover. the thing that really shows how i thought of my relationship with my mum was when i was like maybe 8 or so having a parents night and at it my teacher had nothing bad to say apart from i was kinda bossy in group settings (im sure i dont need to explain how misogynistic that actually is- i was not bossy i was a natural leader) and when i got home my mum told me off for that and i felt like she was kinda cold to me and not taking all the good things about me into consideration when telling me off for that.

i feel like thats a really defining moment in my life when i realised i cant expect adults to Understand me, realised how people treat young girls, also started my defiant behaviour maybe or was kinda one of the key moments that made me dislike certain authorities in my life, that if people wont understand me regardless of how i explain myself then i wont bother trying to be understood by people who wont matter to me. anyway yes i was scared of my mum-like petrified sometimes- but my dad wasnt great either, he also had his shortcomings. i feel like he never really cared about me like he was kinda apathetic towards raising me like a parent - i feel he would be better suited as an uncle to someone rather than a dad - the funny childish guy that makes kids laugh -not the uncaring dad that cant be bothered to really learn about his kids. and i feel im sitting here complaining about my parents when the fact is that a lot of adults should never be parents, society has conditioned people into thinking the only way to be fulfilled in life is to live vicariously through your kids when life gets to such a boring and monotonous place where you feel the need to create a new life to spice things up lmao. i feel a lot of parents regret having kids but they cannot express that regret because it was their choice and they should deal with that, also saying you regret it would be pretty horrible to the kid.

so while yes i am complaing about my parents i dont think they were Bad in any way just not that great yaknow. also i just notice all these things growing up and i feel its been pretty impactful to understanding myself and my parents. also just some anecdotes from my childhood - i used to watch my dad play video games like the uncharted games i think theyre called, and whenever i got scared i used to hide behind the couch until the scary part was over (usually a lot of guns and high energy fight scenes thats too much adrenaline for a 7 yo) and sometimes when i would take out my dad/brothers game i would get them to fo the hard parts and do other stuff myself - i dont remember many games i played apart from one of the spidermen games where u could just web around the city and not progress apart from sometimes you would come across some strippers and i accidently got into a fight with them (also hot women with umbrellas they use to fight- maybe i went near them on purpose) i would yell to my dad and get him to do it for me. also on new years eve whenever my mum was working and we werent going to any family parties we would make a bunch of food and put it out in the kitchen - wed make like homemade onion rings, chips, have crisps and dips, and a bunch of junk basically and watch like austin powers or some shit and genuinely miss those times they were so simple. but a lot of thats tainted now from what happened. also my brothers always been annoying as shit but when we were kids we couldnt be in the same room without arguing which like whatever thats how kids are esp brothers and sisters for some reason.

i think thats majority of the background needed for the rest. wait this is a little addition but i meant to mention this here so ill put it in- basically sometimes on holidays i would geniunely think my parents hate each other/ were getting a divorce like once when we were in florida in 2012 my dad convinced my mum (as well as me and my brother convinced her since we liked them) we convinced her to go on a water slide thing that u had to walk up the stairs for, it was outdoors, and it was kinda tall and then we got in one of the big donut things and it swooshed from side to side a lot and was generally pretty scary i suppose for someone who doesnt like rides esp since you had to hold on to the handles there were no buckles or anything, and so when we got off the ride my mum was big mad at my dad and like wouldnt talk to him and stuff like that which was pretty uncomfortable to have to be the 8 year old mediator of that but there was also another occasion i think (maybe also at florida) where they were made at each other and i asked my mum if they were getting divorced and all she said was 'ask ur dad' like???? no sort of consolation to this child who thinks their parents hate each other nooo just petty 'ask him' and theres also been other times when they fight/ are mad and they dont feel the need to hide it from us so i felt quite anxious around my parents sometimes.

so ahnyway . yes. when i had just turned 13 my parents split up and it fucked me up in a multitude of ways. also i cant beleive i stopped being a proper kid at 13, like as soon as i turned a teenager life hit me like a fucking truck. so the context as to why they split is still kinda lost to me ngl but they didnt tell me much anyway since i was young but my mum basically said my dad didnt love her anymore and he wanted to separate. its kinda funny because leading up to this my dad had been sleeping in the living room for like a few weeks and there was on and off fighting i could hear and i basically thought they were fighting over me and that i was in trouble and it kinda used to keep me up coz i could hear loud voices when they thought i was asleep- which is probably the cause of why i get veryyyy mad and angry when i hear my mum at like 1 am downstairs when shes drinking and im trying to sleep, probably something ive internalised (is that the word?) and made me respond so strongly to those type of noises.

anywayyyyy yes i thought i was in trouble when they were actually just getting a divorce so ... yeah you can really tell i was young and didnt understand adult issues or really couldnt figure this out myself from all the arguing and him sleeping downstairs lmao. anyway my dad moved out and it was just me my mum and my brother now and at this point my brother wouldve been about to turn 18, so although still kinda shit, not really as affected my it as a 13 yo, just to keep in mind. so i was devastated obviously and my whole world was kinda shattered but i had to hold it together a bit, also i was sometimes my mothers own therapist having to say things like 'everything happens for a reason' 'itll get better' in response to her deteriorating mental health and her questions that would be really hard for me to answer like 'why did he leave' etc (bish im a child be there for me not wallow in ur own pity, u have ur whole life to sort this out youre an adult, im a 13 you and only months away from wanting to kms hun think of ur CHILD please) anyway this left me feeling like a burden if i were to share my mental state because when my mum shared her stuff she was burdening me (AGAIN i was 13 she is an adult) so that made me bottle a lot of things up also the fact that i had no one to share it with because she works as a nurse and now shes a single mother and so she works almost all hours of most days and i dont see her much, my brother was either working at this time or just didnt give enough of a shit about me to make sure i ate.

i went from being catered to for every meal because i didnt know how to cook to suddenly no one being there for me so i had to learn how to do it myself. needless to say that lead to a bunch of unhealthy eating habbits like eating the same things every day - frozen pizza, cheese toasties, i cant think of anything else probs because i didnt make anything else just ate chocolates or didnt eat breakfast coz i woke up at 2pm. just general unhealthyness both in substance and like how healthy that was for my head yk. also this is during the summer btw so it gave me the option to be incredibly depressed - im not saying that as an edgy teen thing to say im being 100% genuine i was very depressed like textbook style - not eating or overeating, not showering/ taking care of myself, extreme lack of energy and hated doing social things coz i had to put on a farce that i was okay meanwhile i couldnt wait to get into my bed and sleep the next day and a half away.

i very vividly remember at the start of the summer holiday my friend asked me if i wanted to go out and do something and i rememeber just crying at that because i had no reason to say no but i just didnt want to and felt like i couldnt do anything and so i lied and said i wasnt feeling well and then put my phone down and curled up in my bed and cried coz i was frustrated and upset and i couldnt really understand what was wrong with me and why i was Like This.

god i didnt take into account how tired i was and how late it is when i started this huh, this isnt even half of it, but i have obligations in the mornign, the last until uni or whatever so ill put this in my drafts and finsih it somethime. alrigtht it is 02:08 btw z_z. also ive just now decided im gonna re organise my tumblr so if this ends up being an actual blog thing i can navigate it easier by adding tags and such. anywau goodnight.

20:21 30/06/2021

MOTHERFOIUHIFIUDVMKCVKM V

MY LAPTOP SHUT DOWE IN THE MIDDLE OF THSAT SO ITS ALL GONE BASICALLY I WAS DEPRESSED BURTNOUT GIFTERD KID AND IT SUCKED YADDa YADDSZ ANYTWAY

so

23:01- well. yes earlier i wrote a little about the ages 13-16 and how they sucked but whatever it got deleted the more pertinent stuff happened in the last year or so anyway.

um yeah so i started the last year of highschool as a 16 year old with a fucked up brain and never having learned any study techniques or work ethic in the slightest. i took 3 uni-level courses only one i actually wanted to do, most people take 2 at most or even 1/0 but do other classes. honestly it fucking sucked this year for school but i scraped all passes so thank god for that. so i started the year quite optimistic, or as much as i could be and in all fairness the content of this year wasnt actually that bad considering i was doing 3 hard classes but corona really truly fucked everything up and by November i had mentally dropped out of my classes but of course i still had to go to them. i feel like im an oddly independent teen because ive never had a solid parental presence in a while, like i had to do a lot for myself and maybe i should thank myself for getting me through it all because i really did pull through.

my thoughts keep drifting from what im writing coz i wanna talk about different things and im just thinking maybe i shouldve just posted the last one then added a reblog when i could be bothered to write and not force myself because if theres ever a reoccurring theme in my life is that if i force myself to do anything i will hate it with my entire being, so maybe i should just do a short synopsis and write about something else afterwards.

so i took 3 hard classes, slowly lost all motivation because in jan it switches to online classes and i could Not deal with those it was horrible, and i became more of a "troublesome student" in one of my classes *cough* maths *cough* and almost got "kicked out" of taking the class just because the teacher was a control freak but like wanted to control all of our actions and behaviour, also i think i may have adhd and another kid in my class i think he does too and surprise surprise the teacher "dislikes" him too but its only a farce because he doesnt actually dislike him its only so that i cant call him out for singling me out when other students behave "badly" too. but anyways maybe ill come back to this in a while when i can be arsed explaining my complicated relationship with my parents.

the only reason i wanted to write this today was so that i could tag the post with like june 2021 or something and not june/july, but i might make another post later, Anyway happy end of pride month i supose, hope u figure it out me!

#why does tumblr break up the paragraphs like this #there isnt supposed to be paragraphs #maybe i should change that #anyway off to fix all my post so far and tag the all like -> #june 2021 entry #2021 the year of fun

[allthempledges]

Written on October 2nd 2017.

About four years ago, I fainted alone in the middle of the night while my parents slept in the room not a meter away from where I was, and I still woke up and supported myself to the nearest couch. A few weeks ago, I fainted again and woke up to my parents' screams. Both times it started with heartache. Moral of the story is I woke up both times. The second time I even knew the sequence; a little heartache, extremely high blood pressure, vision blacks out, I faint, and I wake up very limp for about half an hour, and then life is normal again. When my father woke up with a heartache at around 2 AM on the 23rd of September 2017, he fainted in my mom's arms and I held him for the longest time in my arms, waiting for him to go over the same scenario as I did. I waited for him to wake up, I shook him, I tilted his head, I laid him on his side. Until at one point he let out a very harsh breath, which my false hope had me thinking for about five minutes afterwards that he was trying to catch his breath, wake up; while in fact that was his final breath.

I knew he was dead and I still waited for him to wake up. I saw the paramedics try and revive him and I waited for him to cough or move a limb. I saw my mom spend the night at the side of his head after he was pronounced dead and I couldn't look at him for long because that face hasn't ever been so emotionless to me, I was waiting for a crease of his brow, a movement of his mouth; anything. But I did know he was dead.

Baba was a big man, he would fill the door frame. He had very big hands and an awfully expressive face, he would radiate the emotion he was having because how intimidating or joyous he used to be. The sound of him opening a door used to make me sit straight. I absolutely hated when he tickled me but I smiled because he was in a good mood, despite of me asking him not to tickle me almost every time over the years. So the most surreal image to me is my limp father in my arms, refusing to respond, refusing to blink or move. It was not my father. You felt my father in your surrouning.

I was waiting, and I am still waiting a week later for this episode to end. My friends say it's denial but the man died in my hands, I knew he was dead when he died. I just don't like it, I can't comprehend the fact that he is no more.

The last thing my father bought me was omani sweets. It was a dull day during my mom's exhibition and he came and took me by the hand to a neighbouring booth to taste from a variety of flavours and choose. I had a rigid face the whole day that day but when I was tasting it I wore a smile akin to the sun. And he, too, was happy. So yesterday when my aunt fed me a spoonful of it, I cried. I hadn't cried enough. I know I didn't cry enough. My friends tell me people have different ways of expressing grief, but mine still is good old tears. It hit me today in class. It hit me today before prayer. It hit me when I rememeber how I had to arrange a friend to tell my brothers. It hit me when I hugged uncle Mahmoud Eissa at the airport. It hit me when I talked to Sawsan's dad. It hit me when I realised that the man that arranged for baba's body to travel home the same day he died was a man he never knew in his life, and was a man that only wanted to help. It hit me when I hugged tante Nemet although it was my first time meeting her in the funeral; I never knew her before that. It hit me when I hugged Samah, I hit me when I saw my brothers cry after having buried him. It hit me when I saw Youssef cry as if he had lost his own father.

I cried little episodes at the most random timings, but I did not cry when he died in my arms, I did not cry when mom was in shock after they pronounced him dead. I still feel tense and disoriented. I still feel lacking and I still feel like I'm betraying some unspoken rule when I laugh with someone.

I think I know he's good an okay now because every time I switch on the radio there's a verse on God's mercy on the dead, on doing prayers for the dead, on the heaven they see. I think he's good because seeing his bed and gathering his clothes didn't make me cry, at least not yet. I think I need to cry for the betrayal I felt for the fact that I was waiting for him to wake up, and he didn't. For the suddeness of it all. I need to cry to start to fathom the idea of baba who is no more.

[chipsandgravyfan]

Can i request a headcanons about SITS guys reaction when the MC wake up from her coma because the accident she have in your latest headcanon? Thank you~ I really like your work by the way~ ♡

Your wish is my command :D

Kyohei: Three weeks has passed since your accident. Kyohei stayed by your side, never wanting to leave. He felt as though it was his fault. If only he had picked you up, walked you home, or even convinced you to stay home. If you didn’t make it, he would have nothing left to life for. “They say you don’t know what you have until it’s gone,” Kyohei mumbled, soft like a whisper before closing his eyes as tears began to spill, “But I knew what I had with you, so please, don’t go.” Holding onto your hand, he drew it close to his face as tears fell on your fingers, “Please don’t leave me, I need you. I love you.”

“I know I can seem arrogant, and I just want to show off. But above all else I love you more that I could ever love myself. You bring the light to my life. You are the reason I want to continue on with my dreams. You are the reason for everything. And I don’t know what to do if you leave me. Please, I’m begging you, wake up and come back to me.” kissing your hand as though both of your lives depended on it, shoulders shaking uncontrollably and tears falling without any signs of stopping. Kyohei didn’t notice when your eyes began to flicker.Whispering his love while pecking kisses on your hand, he was startled when he heard a cough, “____?”Once you cleared your throat, you answered back with a dry voice, “Kyohei, what happened?”Needless to say, you were attacked with a bear hug from Kyohei and a brief describtion of what happened. Once you were caught up, Kyohei looked you in the eyes and stated, “I’m never leaving you alone ever again. Wherever I go, you go. And that’s final.”

Iori: Iori wasn’t sure how many days had passed since that fateful day, but who would? How could this even happen? Is it what the world wanted?He grew up hating women, the world didn’t like that. Along came ____, he fell in love, the world didn’t like that.“Why…” was all he could whisper, as his heart felt like it was broken into a million pieces. As it felt as though there was a darkness inside him wanting to swallow him up.“Please make it, you are all I have to live for. Because of you my father and I are closer, you helped fix our broken family. You helped me become the man I am today. You brought the light back into my life. You are the reason I wake up, smile, rejoice, hope, fear, cry. You are the reason…” he couldn’t continue, his voice wouldn’t, no, couldn’t continue on. His heart was too broken to even try to continue.Wipping his tears, Iori began to talk again, “I’m sorry I enjoy teasing you, being mean to you. I just love you so much I don’t know what to do. So I show it the wrong way. I try to hide behind my teasing so you don’t see how much I really do love you.”Looking at your face, in a deep coma, Iori stood up, “So that is why I am doing this for you.” Bending down to your face, he closed his eyes, “If you were awake, you would be day dreaming about this,” smirking, Iori added, “because it would be like a fairy tale, and I am the prince after all.”With that, he kissed you as though you were sleeping beauty or snow white. Inside praying that maybe, just maybe all those fairy tales are right about true loves kiss.Pulling away, he stared longingly at your face. After a few seconds you took a deep breath and woke up.Hugging you with all of his might, Iori whispered, “Maybe those fairy tales do ring some truth.”

Kota: “I do love you, I love you so much. I never knew I could love someone so much.” Kota whispered to you, like he did every day. Ever since that fateful day, Kota spent every available second with you. Lying on the bed with you, hold you close, he would whisper how much he loves you.Three weeks had gone by, and during those three weeks Kota kept whispering sweet nothings into your ear.Sighing, Kota tightened his grib on you, “I’m sorry I have trouble telling you my feelings. I do try to show you but then I get scared that you will laugh at me, or even reject me.”“I do notice you, when you are day dreaming, working, what excites you, saddens you. I do care about you.” Kissing your temple, Kota whispered, “Please, wake up for me. I miss you.”At some point Kota fell asleep. He knew it was a dream because you were awake and welcomed him home. You told him how much you loved him. Everything was perfect for just a little while. He turned to face you as you whispered his name, “Kota… Kota… Kota…”Waking up he felt someone nudging on his shoulder, “Kota wake up.”Opening his eyes he saw your face, “What are you doing up, ____?” before you could reply, Kota shot up and yelled your name, “____, you’re awake!”Holding you close, Kota began to let tears fall from his eyes, “I’m sorry I pretend that I don’t care. I do love you. So please, don’t scare me again.”

Nagito: “… and rememeber when Little Yamata wanted your ice cream? The moment Ko came down stairs and you turned your head to say hello, Little Yamata took a big bite and ran away.” Nagito laughed as he held your hand, “Or when…”He had to stop. His broken heart just ached more when recalling all of your shared memories. “I’m sorry I’m not strong enough for the both of us. I’m trying, I really am.”Looking at your pale face, Nagito continued, “The guys always ask after you. Wanting to know if anything has changed. Everyone believes you can make it. But each day their belief dies a little. I think Ko is the one who started to lose faith. Would you believe that the only one that still believes you will make it isn’t just me, but Iori as well.” Wiping away his tears Nagito added, “Little Yamata sits at your door every night. We don’t have the heart to open the door so we just tell him you are tired and need rest.”Looking at the clock Nagtio kept talking, “I haven’t been able to sleep much. Every time I close my eyes I fear I’ll wake up and find out you didn’t make it, or you have forgotten about us.” Glancing at your ring finger, Nagito smiled, “By the way, your ring did fit. I hope you don’t mind that I left it on. I just wanted you to have something from me, even if you couldn’t remember me.”Falling victim to the tears of hell, Nagito cried his heart out, “Please wake up ____, please remmember us. I miss you, we all miss you. I need you with me. I can’t do this anymore.” Dropping his head on the bed, Nagito just held onto your hand, nearly ready to give up on all hope, “I love you.”After a moment of silence, Nagito felt your hand shift, and the bed move a fraction, “What’s going on? What happened?”Hearing your voice, Nagito smiled and yelled, “____! You’re awake!” that’s when his smile fell, “Do you remember me?”Confused, you asked, “What are you talking about? How could I forget you?” with great rejoicing, Nagito couldn’t hold his excitment inside. He hugged, kissed and continued telling you how much he loves you.

“I’m so happy you are with us again! You had me so worried. Please, don’t leave me alone again.”

Takashi: Waiting in the waiting room, Takashi felt like he was in a void. The little bit of hope and life he had he spent on wishing for you. Praying you will make it, that by some miracle the doctors will have a successfull surgery. Because if you didn’t, he would have nothing left.He has heard the saying, ‘sometimes God gives, and sometimes God takes away’. Why? Why couldn’t it be his hearing, or the melodies in his head he could take away. Why ____? In the pit of his stomach he felt ill. ____ was the only one who could make him feel things that no one else could. So if people were to move forward then why take away the one thing that could lead him forward.Thinking back to when they met, he remembered how he wasn’t too pleased about her presence. Then one day he found himself enjoying her company. He noticed how her voice left him wanting to hear it more. How he always looked forward to her walking up to him and having a conversation, how their walks was the highlight of his day.He went from being a robot, to a human.Then why did this have to happen?While lost in his thoughts he didn’t see the doctor walk up to him. Once he made eye contact with him, the doctor opened his mouth, “The surgery was a success. Miss ____ is in room 305. Please give her time to wake up.”Once by your side, he sat on the side of the bed. Your face looked so weak, yet so strong. Who could ever hurt you or want to use you at gun point?Replying all of your memories together, Takashi lost track of time. So when you began to wake up he was pleasently surprised.“I’m so glad you made it.” Takashi smiled, relieved that he didn’t lose you.“What happened?” you asked, confused about what was going on.Smiling at you, Takashi just told you, “Get some sleep.” Watching you close your eyes and fall asleep, Takashi whispered, “Sometimes God gives, and sometimes God takes away… they forgot to mention that sometimes God isn’t to blame… but the people responsible. I love you ____.”

Ryo: Sitting by your side, Ryo just sat in silence. Sometimes writing on a note pad. Just looking at you made him want to cry. Why couldn’t he be the one to go, he would give anything to be the one who… He had to stop thinking like this. Thinking on the past won’t help the present. “I can hear you right now, 'work on the lyrics, I’ll be okay.’ well, I’ve tried. Even though everyone agrees that they are good, we can’t use broken hearted songs for a CD. I’ve tried writing something cheerful but I just can’t. Not without you.” Sighing, Ryo moved his notepad and pen on the seat next to him, “I know, I know, just like about the good times we had.” Ryo frowned as he continued, “But when I remember the good times, it just reminds me of the hurt I feel right now. No use thinking about before I met you because it just leaves me feeling cold and alone.”Tears threatened to leave his eyes, “So why did this have to happen? It’s just not fair. Why must life be so cruel?”Looking at how peaceful you looked, “I remember when I first met you. You had that look about you, that you had the world just within your grib. Then one day I was selfish and forced you into a world you were not ready for. Yet you managed and somehow gained favour from everyone in the band. Something not many people can say. I remember helping you with the lyrics. I remember falling in love. I remember our first night… I remember your hurt face when…” Unable to finish his sentance, Ryo changed the topic, “I’m sorry that you had to meet me, that we fell in love. If I had known I wouldn’t have chosen you.”“Please forgive me…” with that, Ryo said his final good-bye to your cold, empty body. He knew he would see you again, just not in this lifetime.

#Scandal in the Spotlight #sits #kyohei rikudoh #iori enjo #kota igarashi #Nagito Aoshima #takashi ninagawa #ryo chibana #part 2 #I don't know what happened with Ryo's part #it just happened

[jizemderler]

Stone by Stone -Dean Winchester

I don’t usually do the warning thing but WARNING: DARK REALLY DARK, includes death

I started picking up stones right after my first doctors appointment. I didn’t tell him why, I just did.

“What’s that for?”, Dean asked as he saw me pick up a little stone by the street. “It’s…just pretty.”, I shrugged it off and put it in my pocket. I smiled at him, and he smiled back.

***

“Dean, stop it!”, I laughed and tried to get out of his grip but he kept tickling me. “I like your laugh.”, he just said and placed a kiss onto my neck. “I mean it!”, I laugh but he hugs me even tighter.

“You’re beautiful.”, he says out of breath. “You’re a jerk.”, I answer and punch his shoulder plafully. Suddenly the scene changes. Blood is dripping down my Hands and I’m holding a bloody knife. My whole body is shaking and I look up in horror. Dean is lying infront of me. Vomiting blood, holding his bleeding stomach. I scream. I scream as loud as I can.

“Y/N..”,he chockes and I shut my eyes.

“Y/N!”

I woke up screaming and shaking in Deans arms. I grabbed his shoulder and bit myself into it still trying to get out of the dream. “It’s okay. I’m here. You’re awake.”, he tried to calm me down but we both knew that it would take me at least two hours to come back to myself.

***

I had attacks like that every other night. I couldn’t sleep alone. I couldn’t be alone in genral. I would loose track of time and place. I would hear things. See things. “Y/N? Are you alright?”, the voice of someone pulled me out of my thoughts. “Hmm?”, I said still staring at the table trying to figure out what was going on. “Could you give me the butter?”

I looked up to see Dean. “Hey Dean.”, I said and smiled at him. His face lit up and he took my hand into his.

“Hey baby.”

“Aren’t we hunting today?”, I asked him and tried to remember our last job. “No. We finished last night. It’s our day off.”, he said and flashed me a smile. Little did I know that Sam was already on his way to handle the job that came in that day and Dean was staying behind for me.

***

And then there were the worst days. I mostly don’t remember them. They always have to tell me what happened afterwards. It usually starts with me hearing things. Voices. Telling me to come. To do stuff. And then I start seeing things. People. Loved ones. “Y/N…Please put that down.”, someone said but I shook my head furiously. “No! I have to kill you. You’re a monster. Monsters don’t deserve to live. That’s what we do we hunt you.”, I said the voice in my head telling me I was killing a Djinn.

“Y/N. It’s me. Dean.”, he said and I shook my head again. “Dean told me you’d say that. You’re lying! You’re trying to manipulate me.”, I shouted and was ready to shoot.

“Cas now!”, he yelled and suddenly I felt two hands on my head and my knees gave in. Gun falling. Immediatly two strong arms were there to catch me. “I’ve got you. I always got you.”, he said and I laid my head against his chest feeling dizzy. “What happend?”, I asked and was wondering why we were on the floor. “Nothing.”, he assured me but it was not nothing. It was everything.

***

I had collected 112 stones until that particular doctors appointment. “You’re doing amazing Y/N!”, Dean exclaimed as soon as we left the office and swept me off the ground into his arms. “You’re making progress. You’re going to be fine. We are going to be fine!”, he added and spinned us around until we were left a giggling mess. I made small progresses. Babysteps. Less terrifying dreams. Less voices. Less wounds. Less…damage.

I had 112 stones for a long time. About a year. Dean had started to go on hunts again, while I stood at home. I was able to sleep for longer periods of time. I wasn’t dreaming that bad. I wasn’t…hallucinating. I had 112 stones for longer than a year. I was even thinking about throwing them away. But then…Charlie died. And I started collecting again. 113, 114, 115, 116… Nightmares, Voices, Hallucinations and counting.

***

I don’t know when I decided to use my stones. Maybe stone by stone. Maybe not. But I can rememeber the evening. Dean in his room. Crying. I’ve never seen hin cry before. He was looking tired. Exhausted. I haven’t seen him smile in….yeah how long? He was always worried, always at home, always ready. I walked up to him and took him into my arms. I took care of him. It was one of my good times. Where the old Y/N existed. It was the only time in so long where we were only Dean and Y/N on the bed. Spending time together.

I woke up early in the morning. Dean was still asleep. Snoring lightly. Even though he said he wasn’t. I stood up quietly and gave him a last kiss on his head, before I put on my jacket with the deep pockets. Up until that day I had collected 257 stones. I put 128 in one pocket and 128 into the other, so one stone was left. It was hard walking but that wasn’t concerning me. I was feeling…light hearted.

I took that last stone and put it on the note I left for Dean on the table. And then I walked out of the room. Going to the lake. Our secret place with Dean.

***

Dean must’ve found the note when he woke up. I don’t know how he reacted but he must’ve read this:

Dearest,

I feel certain I am going mad again. I feel we can’t go through another of those terrible times. And I shan’t recover this time. I begin to hear voices, and I can’t concentrate. So I am doing what seems the best thing to do. You have given me the greatest possible happiness. You have been in every way all that anyone could be. I don’t think two people could have been happier till this terrible disease came. I can’t fight any longer. I know that I am spoiling your life, that without me you could work. And you will I know. You see I can’t even write this properly. I can’t read. What I want to say is I owe all the happiness of my life to you. You have been entirely patient with me and incredibly good. I want to say that – everybody knows it. If anybody could have saved me it would have been you. Everything has gone from me but the certainty of your goodness. I can’t go on spoiling your life any longer. I don’t think two people could have been happier than we have been. 

I may have forgotten a lot. Confused a lot. But I always knew one thing. That I love you with all my heart. And I want you to be happy. Be happy, Dean.

Forever yours,

Y/N.

***

I don’t know what happened. What he did with the letter. With the stone. But I know what happened with me. After I left.

“I love you Dean.”, I whispered before I jumped into the water. The weight of the stones pulling me down. Stone by stone.

A/N: I’m…sorry?

#dean x reader #dean #dean winchester #dean winchester one shot #dean winchester imagine #sam #sam winchester #sammy #spn #spnfandom #spn ship #spn season finale #spnedit #spn imagines #spn oneshots #cas #castiel #supernatural one shot #supernatural #supernatural imagines #supernatural edit #angel of the lord #crowley #bobby singer #angst #death #suicde #love notes #good by #mental health

[victoraronesino-blog]

July 3, 1:14 I can't sleep I Lowkey miss a relationship .. thinking about how I was right that you were gonna leave me .. faviola I was right I rememeber when I said baby please don't ever leave .. I really miss you even your toxic for me .. I really love you I wanna be with you .. I miss sleeping with your .. and your laugh and how funny you are. The reason why I don't think I'll ever be happy is cause there not you all I want is you if there not you then I don't think Ima be happy . Honestly .. I remember the times we got winged stop 😊 shit was amazing .. I was so happy ... I can't believe I would be sad like wtf the fuck is wrong with me like I'm. Sorry I'm like this .. shit Daum favi I hope you doing good ... i hoping he's making you happy .. is he worth it? Are you loyal to him are you happy? Do you think about me? Or no ...... I'm feeling like empty ... I just am wondering why still like always but why tho a, I stuck on you ... I just feel like disappointed .. sad wanting to cry and how my family does want me anymore I feel it and how I can't even be home ... like yesterday my mom overwhelmed with emotions and shit and expect me to know and shit like I swear I'm just a teen I got a lot of shit going thru my head it's hard enough to deal with shit and you gotta add on to my plate of thoughts,... fuck faviola you really had leave me huh .. I just wanted you baby and I fucken told you that I loved you ... I told you I can't live with out you but nah ... I told you everything part of my life more than anyone ...... like fuck why did you gotta do me like this faviola ... I fucken miss you everyone leaves me ... I don't got anyone who's 💯 with me no more like fuck ... everyone hurts me ... she was all I needed all I craved want thirsted for ... I didn't need one but you .... I would give up everything for you again ..... I think honestly like fuck I'm so weak for you .. I feel my heart lowkey hurting like it's breaking ... I'm not crying I'm just staring at this eye iPad blankly .. this is why I never sleep cause of you ... I miss playing hide and seek with you and you brother and sisters .... but oh whale .... just me thinking how you fucking him and sucking him up and shit ... lowkey hurts me and you loving him .... lowkey hurts me ... was I not the one? Like why him was he better cute or what please tell me .... why couldn't you just say you didn't want me instead of me getting sprung on you huh? Why favi you honestly make me wanna kill my self more like honestly I'm gonna start smoking again ... thanks to you .. my life rn really getting close to an end honestly no one is really making me wanna be here ... I don't feel wanted happy just moments ... I just wanna be in your arms happy crying saying I fuckened missed you and crying and balling my eyes out saying why did you have to leave me . Like fuck the memeories I had with you .. your birthday .. I was so nervous I fucken misss you so fucken much .... like it's hurts my soul I have so much balled up I JUST WANNNANNA FUCKEN BE WITH YOU FAVIIIIII I FUCKEN MISSSS YOUR STUPIED ASSS .... you made me so happy more than anyone else did .... like please I hope you come back one day ............. idk why I'm waiting I'm lowkey might start crying ....fuck dude I'm not crying but when I start to think I just become like black blanking stareing and just think about you ... I ain't even gonna talk to anyone about my problems ... honestly just Ima die one of these days and who ever sees this I say sorry for making you crying ... and it's just the way I feel there's nothing to it I have a father who never wants me in his life he doesn't try doesn't make me feel wanted .. it really hurts. Me I really miss on how me and my father were before my step mom plus my dad hit me with a stick when we went to Mexico and I remember crying washing my shit pants on a scrub board in my underwear while he hit me ... and on how he just is ... like he not a total asshole but idk just we never talk ... and my mother I love her so much but you would beat me cause my father stupied ass descion when I was young and I rememeber that time you left and said you weren't gonna come back and when you told me my dad didn't want me like as you made my dad practically come in you and that shit makes me feel so unwanted ... and I remember how we were cool mom then you had a big ass mouth and told everyone everything so I stopped being close to her and the number one thing that fucked me up the most last year my mom told me she wishes she had an abortion just cause my grandma wanted money and I was like I would give to her so she would stfu . And she was mad but you gotta be careful what you say when your mad cause honestly it fucken hurts what people say ... but the point is when my mom said thta day I went to he movies with a girl was 19 and I was 16 and I was broken asf I just wanted to die ... and before this happened my ex lied to me about being pregnant and cheated on me and played with me and played a njgga ... like honestly I never have good luck with love but yeah and I was broken but not as bad as I am rn cause I went thru that and those 5 months I thought about scucide and death and the meaning of life .. and if I didn't go thru that I bet I would be dead rn honestly if it was for my ex I would be dead from my last ex cause my last ex hurt me so bad ... but back to the story me and that girl didn't really talk at all we were just friends and shit and we were getting close talking about real shit and she told me her scrects about her life and shit and it was really serious and I thought we had an connection and she had a thing with an other dude and I was like I thought we had a thing and she was crying on my shoulder and I was lowkey dieing inside but I was still there for her even tho she made me feel like that .. and not once I tryed anything with her and we would hang out like around 12 am till like 8 or 6 am in the morning ... and we just hang out ... now I'm talk about the day of me and my exs break up that morning I woke up cause I only slept for 4 hours cause I couldn't sleep right or eat right cause me and her were friends for 2 days but still talk and I oculdnt do it no more and she called me saying Ima turn off my phone cause I wanna think about shit and that day I was planning on going to her house cause I hate talking threw the phone .. so I went to her house around 3 and she didn't get home till like 4 and she got a ride from someone she said her friend but idk and she looked really pretty even prettier when she was with me .. and it lowkey hurt and I was like can we talk pleas ei wanna know wat we are like I can't eat or sleep right I neeeda know favi ... what are we and I acted like I was gonna leave and I felt like you weren't gonna try to stop me so I just would come back ... I just wanted to see if you wanted and you told me finally after like 20 minutes talking about how you wanna be friends and shit ... you said it you don't want me no more ... and then I fucken broke .. crying . And I was like really ... duammm .... favi I fucken gave you my everything Ik it ain't much but it was everything and you just left me broke me and then I just started beggin her .. I said I would let her do what ever she wants cheat on me fuck other dudes if you want space I'll give you space .... like I was really willing to let her fucken kill me inside out for just to be with her ,... I was that in love with her ....I fucken begged her on my knees crying my heart out saying please and ahit .. and she took me back and for an hour we were just like distinct and I just layed there wish she would come over here to this couch and hug me ... but I didn't say anything cause I didn't wanna lose her ... then we were cool and around 4 or 5 I went to the room with her and we were just laying down teying to go to sleep and I was huggin her and like her phone keep on ringing ... and I was like nah chill idc ... lowkey was hurting me and then I kinda got horny and I started kissing her neck and stuff and then I rubbed her p thru her close and she didn't want me to till I turned her on and then I fingered her and I felt a weird but witch made me believe she fucked someone else most likely ... and then I made her cum and I lowkey wanted to fuck but she didn't want to and then her phone rang again and I was like oml and I looked and It was him ... micheal camargo... saying so wait what are we ... what are we ... that shit made me so mad dead inside ... hurt I was like really favi ... like that ... just like that .... your just gonna move on that quick ... like Duma favi .... and I was mad I wanted to hit her but I was like nah Ima leave so I called my uncle and he didn't wanna give me a ride till I begged him crying saying I won't ask for anything else ..... and shit he's like yeah and I was like pick me up at the 711 and then I was walking out and the parents of hers were outside in the living room and her mom asked me what happened nad I didn't say anything just ask her ... and then she asked are you okay and I was like no and she was like you got a ride and I was like yeah and then I sat outside the house for alittle crying ...... in cats it was so windy and sandy ..... I just was fucking hurting wanting to die thinking like what the living fuck did I do wrong .... like daum Victor you are such a fuck up ........ smh victor and then I started walking to 711 and each car that pasted by I was thinking of walking towards it .... and it was so tempting and I got to 711 and got a drink and waited there thinking like oh her parents will try to find me or something but nah I got picked up .... and shit and that's that ... and also I didn't eat shit for to days like literally nothing till I hung out with Julissa real she made me eat food .... and make me become kind of normal but I honestly wish I just died ...

[i-smile-so-i-must-be-fine]

1: What is your name and does it mean anything? jess and not sure what it means 

2: How long have you known your best friend? 3 years 

3: What position do you normally sleep in? on my stomach or on my right side 

4: Were you a part of any “clique” in high school? none 

5: Who was your favorite teacher in high school and why? p.e teacher and she was cool 

6: Do you wish to travel a lot? yea 

7: Did you participate in any sports while in school? only class i liked 

8: Show a sample of your handwriting: no 

9: Have you ever given blood? once 

10: Do you like the way that you grew up? it was alright 

11: Do you like your siblings? Why or why not? hes alright 

12: How did you meet your best friend and why did you become friends? im engaged to her and we met on a dating site 

13: Name one movie that made you cry. fault in our stars 

14: Do you prefer to read poetry, write poetry, or neither? neither 

15: Things about someone that you find attractive? shes awesome, shes an amazing mum to our child, shes just beautiful 

16: What song are you currently listening to? none 

17: Have you ever broken a bone? If so, how? wrist - rode a bike into a lamppost  shoulder - got hit by a car 

18: A random memory from you childhood: when we went to spain 

19: Where did you grow up? england 

20: What was the last thing you watched on tv? tippping point 

21: Do you think you’d make a good parent? i do alright 

22: Would you like to meet any of your Tumblr friends in person? i’ve met 2 of them one of them i don’t speak to anymore 

22: What was the last dream you remember having? nightmare 

23: When is your birthday? september 

24: How many pillows do you sleep with? 2

25: Do you wear glasses? If so, how long have you been wearing glasses? only for reading 

26: What color is your hair? brown

27: Name 5 facts about your appearance:

28: What is your favorite soda? coke or red bull 

29: What is a strange talent that you have? none 

30: How’s the weather right now? cloudy 

31: Why did one of your friendships end? coz she didn’t like the fact i wouldnt answer the phone at 4/5am when my girl was sleeping 

32: Who do you miss right now? my girl 

33: Why did your last relationship end? not getting into that 

34: Are you still figuring out who you are? kinda 

35: Have you ever been admitted to a hospital? Why? pregnancy.. got hit by a car 

36: What is your favorite restaurant? frankie and bennies 

37: What is word that you always seem to spell wrong? dunno 

38: Would ever adopt kids? yea 

39: What is your favorite kind of pizza? pepparoni 

40: What was your first thought when you woke up this morning? can’t remember 

41: When was the last time you got really really happy and why? dunno 

42: What’s the strangest thing you’ve ever eaten? dunno 

43: How do you start a conversation? hey or morning 

44: What’s a band you’ve been obsessed with lately? not really obsessed with a band atm 

45: Do you come from a family “of money?” no 

46: Do you have a bucket list? kinda 

47: What is your favorite series of books? her 

48: When was the last time you laughed so hard your stomach hurt? can’t rememeber 

49: Where do you go when you’re sad? my room 

50: 5 random facts about yourself: