#i’ve been crying for three years?

[interestinglittlerelationship]

I miss you Sunset Curve.

I miss you Dirty Candi.

I miss you Julie and the Phantoms.

I miss you Juke.

I miss you Willex.

I miss you Carrie Wilson.

I miss you Carlos Molina.

I miss you Ray Molina.

I miss you Flynn Taylor.

I miss you Reggie Peters.

I miss you Willie.

I miss you Alex Mercer.

I miss you Luke Patterson.

I miss you Julie Molina.

Happy Three Year Anniversary Everyone!

#julie and the phantoms #jatp #fuck netflix #i’ve been crying for three years? #how is that even possible #dirty candi #sunset curve #juke #willex #carrie wilson #carlos molina #ray molina #flynn taylor #reggie peters #willie nolastname #alex mercer #luke patterson #julie molina

[worstversionofme]

After spending so much time watching dimension 20 I seriously don’t think I’ll ever be able to tolerate regular tv. My little gay heart has never seen this kind of queer representation in tv and it is nourishing my soul. And queerness is never the butt of any joke and the characters experiencing and figuring out their sexualities isn’t always sad and dramatic.

I have never related to something so much. This silly show of just a bunch of cool actor friends playing D&D has probably changed my life: I feel like I know who I am better now???

I am eternally grateful to Brennan Lee Mulligan and literally every person involved in Dimension 20 for giving us this show and this outlet to figure ourselves out. Also gonna be eternally annoyed with Dimension 20 every time I have to watch a straight romcom - give me gay wizards and fairies and candy people any day

#legit almost crying writing this wtf nerd #i was watching Lost before d20 and I cannot imagine going back and caring about Sawyer and Kate and Jack #lazuli and caramelinda or rue and hob or Misty Moore or Pete Conlan are all SO MUCH MORE COMPELLING and my gay heart feels represented #and the straight(er?) couples are also SO MUCH BETTER THAN REGULAR TV like Esther and Ricky or K and Evan #and the bonds between friends are also SO GOOD #regular tv has been ruined #I’ve seen downton abbey LIKE THREE TIMES I loved it - fuck that shit I’d watch ACOFAF instead if I ever wanted a period piece #who gives a shit about supernatural when you have the unsleeping city which also includes monster hunting and didn’t queerbait for 15 years #wow this is an insane post and some insane tags #dimension 20 #Brennan Lee mulligan #fantasy high #the unsleeping city #a crown of candy #a court of fey and flowers #misfits and magic #I’m missing some but that’s a lot of tags already

[callixton]

oh i am on the Brink of a mental breakdown. and like a real one. i am going to feel so so fucking terrible and guilty if i don’t go to the first week of mac rehearsal bc i need to recover but i am also getting the sense that i Need to recover. i have never been this burnt out or genuinely terrified of starting a new semester in my life.

#we go back to campus a week early for mac. to be clear #and god they’ll be long days and they’ll be physically emotionally and mentally draining and i genuinely dont know if i can take that #but i am also going to be missing SO much time. and i won’t be there to support the people who i need to #i have also. been thinking a lot about how i’m scared that i think so much abt death bc i’m gonna be one of those people #who seem even more than everyone else like they have a finite time and then they die young #and then my mom compared me to jonathan larson tonight #so maybe that’s some sort of sign that i need to slow the fuck down #i am crying rn. for myself. which happens about three times a year #and yeah one is usually during winter break so we’re on schedule #i don’t know. idk!! i don’t know what to do here #and i still have to do my fucking scene prep for tomorrow #bc i was talking my mom about it and i really needed support which she was giving and then she has to leave for five seconds #and when she came back the entire conversation was just about her own problems again which we’ve already talked about every fucking night bc #- you can’t leave conversations with her and i hate when she fucking drunks i hate it i hate it #i am Not Well. i’ve sort of been avoiding admitting to myself just how badly #but man. i can push through anything until i drop but when i start wishing that i’ll drop so i have an excuse for a break….. not good #ted talks #the west wing

[frecklystars]

i need ken to squeeze all of the sadness out of me. or til my spine snaps in half. whichever comes first. he hugs me super tight and lets me wear his sweater while I cry into his chest. he says something stupid in attempts to make me laugh. it works a little. we watch cartoons and he keeps his arms around me the whole time. i am smothered in plushies. plushies don’t normally cheer me up but he thinks they’re helpful so who am I to deny my boyfriend of piling 50 plushies around us like we are in a fortress made out of stuffed animals, mainly consisting of horses and those little palm pal ponies

Six is ready with hair ties on his wrist 24/7 to hold my hair back if I’m vomiting during a flashback. he knows all about c-ptsd and nightmares and flashbacks. he’s lived through it all. he gets it. he spoons me even if I can’t sleep we just lay there and he promises nothing is gonna come and hurt me anymore, and even if something did try to get me, he’d stop it before it even comes close to me. his shoelace is tied to the door so he’ll jolt awake if someone tries to come in. he tells me stories about when he and his brother were kids; the good times, even if there weren’t that many, there are some good memories. his voice is a nice distraction, there’s a certain grit to it, especially when he’s so tired.

driver isn’t a man of words but he would leave little doodles in my sketchbook like “me and you” and it’s two stick figures holding hands. he writes “I love you” on a post it note and sticks it on a styrofoam box with an extra slice of apple pie on the counter. he tells Shannon I’m having a bad time so Shannon goes out of his way to give me extra hugs every time we stop by the garage. we go for a drive and he turns the music up because he knows how loud the depressive thoughts can get. his hand holding mine the whole time. he doesn’t know what to say so he doesn’t say anything, but the look on his face when he glances at me to make sure I’m ok is worth a thousand words.

jacob hasn’t experienced ptsd but he’s experienced his fair share of loneliness and possibly depression. he is, in his own words, wildly unhappy and he’s bought so many things to try to make that loneliness go away. he distracts me by showing me all of his stupid things he’s wasted money on… such as calf pants (pants for your calves). that one makes me laugh. he makes us each an old fashioned so I can “loosen up” and in the middle of drinking he admits he doesn’t even like the taste all that much, he was just told that’s what he’s “supposed” to drink (like when Ryan said in an interview he doesn’t even enjoy the things he’s doing and saying and wearing. he’s only doing it because he thinks it makes him successful). either way he gets me to laugh and that was his ultimate goal. we ditch the drinks and just eat fruity pebbles straight out of the box at 2 in the morning

#vent #been lying facedown in bed crying for like 4 hours #this month has been so hard it’s like I cannot go three days without some sort of ptsd episode 😭 #i know why. but still #i am so unbearably lonely and half of my friends only talk to me if I draw them something #the second I’m not drawing it’s like.. conversation over. Keri has lost her usefulness #either I’m someone’s punching bag or their art machine I don’t seem to just be a Person #I’m tired #I’ve had the worst experience with friendships in the last year I just keep getting hurt constantly

[nationalharryleague]

I have done so much crying in the last few days I’m going to dehydrate

#I’ve just been highly emotional lately #work stress is getting to me #I love love love my job but it’s a lot right now #also got contacted by someone who I cut out of my life over three years ago today #not crying over it but it definitely threw me off my game

[foxgloveinspace]

I know that no one will be interested in this, but I decided since I knew I wasn’t gonna get much sleep tonight anyway to stay up and watch that movie. Yeah, so, I finally watched Into The Spider-Verse (yes. The First One) and I really liked it!! Which I knew I would, cause spider-man was my earliest ‘long term hyperfixation’. Now you maybe be wondering why I haven’t watched since it’s been out for *checks the calendar* 5 years. Damn. The answer??? There isn’t one. I have adhd what did you expects?! I bought it yesterday and I procrastinated watching it SINCE I WOKE UP THIS MORNING…. Yesterday morning, now.

I got spoiled for so many things, but yet none of the important parts?? Which is crazy???

Anyway, I bought the combo pack so I’m gonna watch the second one in the morning, good night y’all.

#very much so #alsooooooo sorry I was completely gone today #I was having a time of it… obviously. #anyway yeah I really liked the movie #I’ve been having a hard time watching stuff here lately #I tried watching the new d&d movie too today but I don’t like the pacing at all #reminds me of that last dragon movie Disney did a few years ago #threw me off and I just found myself getting bord ugh #which sucks cause I wanted to like it a lot #I love Chris Pine so much #oh yeah!!! I cried Three Times while watch into the spider verse. I don’t cry very easy!!!! #like… the only time I cry is when I’m angry anymore… but that point where angry turns to grief you know?? #ok I’ve said too much lmao bed time

[daydadahlias]

I don't know if this is normal because I'm new to tumblr but there's frogs on my screen and they're soooooo cute

me googling “tumblr frogs??” and finding no answers

#I don’t know if it’s normal either ig it’s not #I’ve been here for three years idk what frogs ur talking abt #where the fuck are my frogs I’m so jealous #pigeon #anon #someone get me frogs rn #before I cry #thank you for sharing LMFAO #just a little update on ur life 💙 sharing ur journey 💙 #thank u bestie

[clueless1995]

ok reading a book by candlelight CANCELLED due to my brain

#had a panic attack thinking too much about if this med doesn’t work #well. having #tw self harm #im still really overstimulated or maybe understimulted but the only way i could start to calm down is cutting myself #which by the way is so embarrassing like im an adult i’ve been in therapy for years why do i still do this #it’s not even out of self hatred anymore it’s just the only thing that relieves the pressure of Being for a why #while* #anyways. i am going to have a cry and try to sleep #it will not work due to me having a three hour nap this afternoon #but it is something #sorry for whinging so much on here again. just gotta make it to monday

[brockachu]

the sedins and luongo are being inducted into the hhof on their first year of eligibility. first ballot. i’m in tears i’m not kidding. i’ve been down fucking Bad with covid for the past 4 days and today on the first day i can fucking breathe and stay conscious for more than 4 hours at a time the sedins and lu are going into the hhof i’m laughing and crying in my lil armchair i’m So Happy

#i just. i’m alive and i’ve been writing and i’ve been thinking about these fucking dudes for weeks #i’m just like really fucking happy to be alive and enjoying it like idk how to say this without sounding fucking ridiculous #i have a fucking chronic cough i was so worried this would make it flare up or actually make it worse #i’ve been sick in bed filled with dread and catastrophizing for four fucking days #my dog has been crying outside my door for three days bc i can’t let him sleep in here in case he carries it to my housemates #i couldn’t listen to music for the past 3 days bc the migraines got so bad and i basically live with music on usually #at its worst with my cough i literally can’t laugh without hyperventilating. it’s so depressing. #i just like 2 months ago finally shook of a really bad depressive episode paired with the Worst seasonal depression in years #i have survived this past 9mos by transmuting my feelings through hockey #the sedins & lu in hhof is so gratifying. so important. one day maybe i’ll have the words for it in poem #god do i need to write a sedins poem & a lu poem. they’re just. so important. so good. #did y’all know lu was the only nhler to speak in support of the marjorie stoneman douglas kids? yeah #i just told someone on twitter about the sedins & bc children’s hospital #i’m fucking happily sobbing listening to muna & bad bunny & rina sawayama #i am So Grateful to be alive and mostly healthy and for my brain to not be fighting me as much and god yeah #i’m not even mad i missed pride this weekend! 😂 the sun is shining and so is motherfucking aily #aily talks #canucks lb

[desertdweller]

I was able to get through the end of my shift without crying, even after hugging my coworkers goodbye………….. then got out to the parking lot and saw they had all snuck out and wrote sweet wishes all over my car in that chalk marker stuff and soBBED LIKE A BABY

#I’ve been with all the same people the last three years #them mfers got me good :’) #my heart is full……. and I’m crying again god damn it #yeah capitalism sucks but having great people to work with really makes a difference #personal

[seventh-district]

why have i suddenly been gripped with the desire to get back into fishkeeping

#Seven.txt #fish stuff #fishkeeping #fish keeping #fishblr #i’m not complaining cause i’ve lowkey missed feeling so passionate about the hobby but. my brain couldn’t have picked a less convenient tim #me: trying to spend less money and manage my time better #my brain: hey hey hey you know what you should do? you should get back into a really expensive and time-consuming hobby!!! it’ll be fun!!! #and i mean. it’s not like i truly ever got out of it i just sort of dialed back the number of tanks and fish i have over the past few years #so i’ve currently got a bunch of empty tanks and equipment sitting around collecting dust #i do still have three fish that i thought would be my last for a While. i’ve had them for a number of years and they’re all old by now #so i’m just trying to help them live the rest of their days as comfortably as they can #well. Paprika and Thing One are near their end but in spite of the Mystery Growth on Thing Two’s head that little guy is still doing fine #so he could still be here for awhile. who knows. but anyways #fishkeeping was one of my first really intense and long lasting special interests/hyperfixations so it’s such a strange feeling #to have it come back so strongly and for no obvious reason. but. that’s the nature of fixations i suppose! #insert Drake and Josh ‘I do not control the hyperfixation’ meme here #anyways. the project to finally set up the 75gal that’s been sitting empty for years is finally underway!!! so that’s exciting! #now i’ve got to make a list of things i need and find somewhere to set up a quarantine tank. hrmmm #and also cry over the fact that the filter i need is 200 dollars ahahahaaaaa why did my brain have to latch onto this hobby oh my god #oh man. i’ve gotta order the snails and activated media before the weather gets any warmer or they’ll cook in the bag on the way here ugh #This Post Brought To You By- me sitting here refreshing my email every 10 mins. waiting for Cynthia to let me know if she still has #these two adorable Sakura Ranchus avaliable to purchase. i mean. they were listed in Sep. 2021 so i will be Shocked if she still has them #but maybe the universe will smile upon me and i'll get lucky!

[windowsandfeelings]

I must be PMSing because I just had a minor meltdown over my company’s shitty joke of a return to office policy.

#they were doing so well for 2+ years! #and now it very much feels like a big fuck you we don’t care if you get Covid now #and I know I’ve been lucky to make it this long without being screwed over by work #and that most people had to go back ages ago #and I only have to be in the office once a week #but I’ve been exposed two of the last three times I’ve been there #and it’s not like I work in a big office!! I’d say there are less than 20 people there most tuesdays! #(and I agree that there are some benefits to being in person) #(for example the promotion that I’m getting any day now would not have happened if I weren’t seeing my boss in person once a week) #(and he literally told me that on Friday so I’m not just guessing here) #I have just sacrificed so much company and human contact over the last 2 years as someone who lives alone #with the single goal of not getting sick #and I’m so angry that it feels like I can’t control that anymore #(and I’m so lonely all the time even now) #and being in the office one day a week just does not feel worth that cost #now I’m crying again #great

[andromedaa-tonks]

:’(

#i’ve been with my family in california the last two weeks and i have to go back home tomorrow and i can’t stop crying #i hadn’t seen them in three years i feel like i just got here #i don’t wanna leave them im not gonna see them for another 2 years probably #im so sad #shut up mia #😢

[raeathnos]

.

#it’s been over a year since I had covid #I was diagnosed two months after I had it with long covid (mild thankfully but still) #I think it may finally be starting to get better? #I’m still really tired and achy all the time #and I still have the awful rattling cough #but I’ve felt that in the past maybe like two or three months they haven’t been quite as bad #and then I went into my basement which has consistently smelled like rotting meat after I had covid #you guys #it smells normal #it doesn’t smell like rotting meat anymore #I’ve been down there four times between the last two days when I first noticed #I thought maybe it was a fluke or something #but it smells normal #I wanna cry #like holy fucking shit I walk in the basement without feeling like the smell is gonna make me puke #I’m gonna fucking cry am I finally getting better? #when I got diagnosed they said there wasn’t a lot of info and symptoms might be permanent #and like I was lucky cause my symptoms were mild #(never mind actually having covid that fucking hit me like a truck) #but like it’s been over a year and I was resigned to just dealing with it for the rest of my life #I cannot believe #I know I said it seems like the other symptoms are improving #but here’s hoping they fully go away too #I’m gonna fucking cry holy fucking shit

[sp00kymulderr]

My gym is closing for good next month!!! 😭😭😭😭😭

#noooo #we thought it might stay open til March #I’ve been going there for three years! I have a community there 😢 #I haven’t found anywhere else to join that I can even afford yet #it’s literally the place I’ve spent almost all my free time these last few years #I genuinely might cry #sad Gideon hours #this sucks

[rosipuree]

Haunted

Toji cannot move on, until he realized too late.

Warnings: Angst, slightest fluff (reader and baby 'gumi moment)

You were just a girl, standing in front of a man, asking him to love you.

How hard was that for him? Yes, he wasn’t good with his words but he wasn’t good at anything else either. He was just there.

Maybe because the woman he truly loved—he was still mourning over her. His sad eyes every time he watched an old couple dance together, wishing he had been doing that but with her. The cute babies babble with their mothers as Megumi babbles with his father, how he wished his wife was still here instead of you. He never said it, but that’s what it felt like. 

And perhaps that's what it was. 

Sometimes he curses himself out when he accidentally calls you his wife's name. During intimate times only. You tried—trying to keep the emotions in as if it wasn’t breaking every part of you, was the hardest part. “Look he’s walking...” You smiled at the dark haired baby who was walking towards you. Toji smiled, making sure he’d record every second of it; deep down he wished his wife was the one the baby was walking towards instead of you.

And it was wrong—so wrong. 

“This relationship, I’m with you but Toji—Toji this is the loneliest I’ve ever felt.” You whispered while he ate his leftovers, his brows still furrowed from the argument occurring earlier. Having Toji work from 9–5 wasn’t the best but good thing he had you, helping him out with so much. Picking up groceries, picking up his lovely son—until you mentioned that one of his teachers mistaken you as his biological mother. That right there was enough to make Toji angry for weeks at least.

But not this time.

He stopped chewing on his food after you spoke, waiting for more of an explanation. Which you figured he needed, “I don’t think you’re in love with me–” 

“I like you [name], a lot.” He cleared his throat. He leaned back on his chair as his arms crossed waiting for you to continue the sentence he interrupted. 

Right, he liked you a lot. These three rough years you’ve been dating Toji—that particular l word was never uttered once, not even if he was drunk, or having a special moment with you. You huffed trying to find the right words for Toji to understand. That was until little Megumi started crying from his room. “I’ll try to put him back to sleep, finish eating.” He watched as your fragile little body sulked its way to Megumi’s room.

He knew this was gonna happen, he knew you were bound to leave him sooner or later. 

You smiled as you opened the door to see the little Megumi standing on top of his little bed. His hands wiping his tears as he ran towards you, his arms now wrapping around your legs. “Sleep with mama and papa.” He cried out as you leaned down to pick up the little boy. “[name] and papa, not mama okay?” You corrected him, if Toji were to find out that he had been calling you that, then that argument would’ve climaxed.

The little boy nodded, his tears now gone as you swayed him around. “Sleep with you.” He mumbled, leaning his head on your shoulder as he played with a strand of your hair. “Just for tonight.” You whispered, watching Megumi pick up his head and smile. Content with your answer. 

Toji’s heart could just swell at the sight. You treated his son as if he was your own and nothing looked so much better right now, except for the fact that he wished it was his wife.

Megumi was now soundly sleeping between you and Toji, “I don’t think I can do this anymore.” His eyes shut tightly hearing those piercing words leave your mouth. It hurt when his wife left him, but this hurt was different—different because he knew it was coming yet he didn’t want to do anything about it. 

“I’m sorry—”

“You don’t need to be the one apologizing.” He watched your soft gaze stare at completely nothing. He was confused, this was his fault. He never treated you how you needed deserved to be treated. “It was my fault for throwing myself at a man who simply was not ready.”

The next morning was silent—baby ‘gumi was confused at the saddened look on your face. Constantly walking up to you asking if you were okay. He was still just a baby, yet he read the room so well. “I’m sure we can work this out—” Toji now sitting next to you on the couch, some cartoon playing in the back as Megumi’s little head sat on your lap. “You’re not ready, Toji.” You nodded, eyes still glued on the tv as if it was meant for you and not the little Megumi. 

“And how are you so sure—”

“Tell me you love me then.” Your eyes are now fixed on Toji’s. It was hard, he felt as if his mouth had been glued shut. You sigh, bringing your gaze back to the tv, “I love you—but it’s hard when it’s one sided Toji.” 

It hurt much more, seeing you drive away as the clueless Megumi waved you out. Poor thing thinks you’re simply going to the store. The house that once felt like home was so dull now. Toji sat little ‘gumi down on the couch. 

His constant, “mama?” or “[name]?” while he kept his gaze on the door every so often. Nothing prepared Toji for this. Megumi cried that he wanted to sleep with his mama and papa, his heart swelled knowing that he had been talking about you.

You were gone, just like his wife. But it hurt—it hurt so much more knowing that you’re alive trying your best to…move on. He stayed up late that same night, stumbling upon a video from two years ago. When Megumi first learned how to walk. You and Toji had just started dating but the look of happiness plastered your face as you watched the little baby walking. 

That was one thing Toji never forgot about, how much you loved kids. Telling him how once you had kids of your own you would finally be able to live in peace. How he heard of it less and less as the years went on, he wonders if you still think that.

next part ->

#jjk #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen #jjk x y/n #angst #jjk angst #jjk toji #toji fushiguro #toji x reader #toji x you #toji zenin #jujutsu toji #toji fushiguro angst #toji fushigro x reader #jjk x you #jjk drabbles #rosipuree