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fandoms--fluff · 1 year

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Family Reunion

Salvatore Reader x Stefan Salvatore x Damon Salvatore

Summary: You decide to surprise your brothers

Warnings: Swearing, panic attack, I think that's all

a/n: it might not be as good because I had it perfectly written out but the stupid app didn't save more than half of it and all of it deleted. So I'm pretty pissed off about it.

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Ever since you were turned you've been keeping an eye on your brothers. Damon - your twin and Stefan -your younger brother. Some of the times they knew you were also there and the others they didn't. This was one of those times where they have no clue.

You were about to change that very soon though, considering enough shit has gone down in this town it's been not even two years yet. And by soon that means in a couple minutes since you're currently sitting on the kitchen counter in the boarding house while your brothers are arguing about the moonstone in the main room.

How you got in there may you ask? Here's how: it was pretty easy considering they didn't lock the door. Idiots, right?

You sighed and jumped off the counter, making no noise and started heading over to the main room when things got more escalated. Them still not noticing you're there, you leaned against the corner of the wall and crossed your arms.

"Damon, why the hell would you invoke her? She's already pissed off at us as it is!" Stefan exclaimed to Damon for phoning Katherine earlier today.

"I agree with Stefan over there, that was an incredibly stupid thing to do" you said, making yourself present.

The two turned their gaze over to you.

"Y/N?!" They simultaneously said.

"Long time no see" you smirked and pushed yourself off the wall.

Though the next second you were hit with Stefan wrapping his arms around you and nuzzling his head between your neck and shoulder. Immediately you returned the hug with one of your hands secured on the back of his head. You guys stayed like that for a good twenty seconds before pulling away.

"No hug from you?" You teased, turning over to Damon.

"I'm not exactly a touchy, feely guy" he said, pouring himself a glass of bourbon.

You rolled your eyes and took the glass of bourbon he was holding for yourself.

"Okay, seriously though why would you answer the phone call I mean she already wants you both dead enough as it is" you lectured him.

"Alright, alright, so it wasn't the smartest thing to do, at least we have the moonstone safely hidden now" he admitted.

"Oh yeah? Where did you hide it?-oh wait let me guess, you hid it with the soap" you raised an eyebrow.

"You found the stone already didn't you?" Stefan pieced it together.

"It was way too easy" you said, pulling the stone out of your pocket.

Damon tried to grab it from you but wasn't fast enough, as you put it back into your pocket before he could even brush his finger tips against it.

"Wouldn't she want you dead too, not just us?" Stefan asked.

"No, you see unlike you, my dear brothers. I have a great friendship with Kitty Kat and don't let her push me around" you said drinking the rest of the bourbon in the glass.

"So you're getting the moonstone for her. That's why you're here" Damon said, getting angry.

"What did I just say?!" You exclaimed.

He stormed out, going up to his room you presume. You sighed and turned to face where Stefan is standing.

"You know I really missed you" he said, tears welling up in his eyes.

"Come here, I missed you too" you said, opening your arms and you guys hugged again.

Later that night you went up to Damon's room to find him pacing around, clearly frustrated. You made your way over and gently placed your hand on his shoulder, haulting his movements.

"Damon, Day. What's wrong? I'm here for you" You said softly.

"Everything is moving around in fast circles, I can't think, can't sleep. I don't know how to calm down" he said, starting to hyperventilate.

"You're having a panic attack, that's alright it happens to the best of us. Here try to match your breathing to mine" you said.

You lightly grabbed his hand and placed it on your chest, over your heart so he could manipulate your breathing pattern. When he started to calm down a bit and the hyperventilating stopped you started to talk to him gently.

"I want you tell me five things you see"

"Um, my bed, your hair, my hand, the floor, the window" he whispered.

"Good, and now I want you to tell me five things you feel"

"Your heartbeat, my shirt, my shoes" he said, calmed.

"Are you okay with sitting down now?" You asked softly and held his hand in yours, rubbing tiny reassuring circles on it with your thumb.

"Yeah"

You guys sat down on the end of his bed.

"Thanks for helping me" he said breaking the silence.

"As I said, I'm always here for you" You reassured, rubbing a couple circles on his back.

"I know y/n/n, but can you not tell Stefan about this, I don't need him to know" he said back to his sarcastic self.

"I won't but Day, you know he looks up to you right? He may not show it, but he does. He he's since he was old enough to walk and follow you around. And probably even before that if I'm being honest" you said and kissed the top of his head, before leaving to go back downstairs where you left your phone and apparently where Stefan also was.

He looked up at you from where he was sitting, "are you leaving already" he asked, disappointed.

"Not for long Stef, I'll just be gone long enough to annoy Katherine about she can always go back to being nice to the both of you. Ya know, big sister responsibilities" you sighed, jokingly and left. Planning to be back before sunrise.

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cljordan-imperium · 9 months

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If you could not guess from my post earlier, I have a slight issue with clowns causing some serious anxiety...like shaking and hyperventilating..it's not a joke, whoever did this is seriously sadistic and fucked in the head to not consider there are people with real issues. Due to the fact that the site has made it so I cannot get the cursed image off of the desktop version and being on my phone is not an option while I'm at work, I'm sorry but I'll be scarce today. I will miss you my lovely mutuals. I am going to use this time to work on the next chapter for Anna & Rose (which will include Jasper & Alfie), the next chapter of Magical Mistakes, and finish the revision of Bending the Law. The next chapter of BB&BA needs HEAVY revisions because of a change I made later on in the story, so that one I'm putting last. And I have to check who is up next in Imperium. Inbox is open for Asks. DM's are open for chat, and I will do that faster than anything else on here because it's like texting.

UGH...I hate clowns...fuck this...

#from the author goddess #coulrophobia is real #fuck clowns #fuck not being able to make it go away #fuck the dev team for this #just fuck

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onippep · 1 year

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Who Else

Aaand breathe.

...gggguhh. S-sorry. That was. Uh. Super embarrassing.

...

...Thanks, for, uh. You know. Being... my crutch, yet again.

...Will you be good to work tomorrow?

...(shrug)

There might be stressors. I don't want you spiraling.

I can do it.

...

...Uh, if I need to-- need to leave, though, I will.

I don't want you to be alone at home.

What, I'm not gonna do anything. I'll go straight to bed.

Peppino...

The fuck you want me to do then? We can't just-- close the store for tomorrow. We need the cash. And we gotta take care of the weirdos living in our vents.

You should call Gerome.

A-- AH? WHAT? Why?! O-oni--

RrrrRrrr. Hang on. Hear me. You should call him, because this is making you feel like this. Maybe you two can have a talk about it.

Like FUCK am I ever gonna face those Pillars after hearing this today. Oni, that's a horrible idea. I can't do that.

...Gerome still cleans the shop, every weekend. Does the blood and stone on your hands still stain him? Even if it does, what does he do then? He still brings his broom and mop to our Pizzeria. He dedicates himself. No malice in any crevice no matter where you want to find it.

... What did you just--!? When did you get so--...

...

...(sniffles)... y'can't just.. assume that... he-- he.. could... he could be doin' this because he.... he...

...

(hic) good-- good god.. Oni, I don't know, it--

...Wouldn't do any harm to try. But only if you want.

Christ... (sob)

RrRrrrr... sorry... here...

Don't--

--Don't leave this spot with me. I need to think for a while.

Rrrrr.

...

...I don't want to alarm you, but I also remember.

(sharp inhale) Fucking-- no, seriously? O-oni that REALLY doesn't help right now-- wh-what do you MEAN you remember? What do you remember?!

The dread you felt. The grief. Terror. Remorse. The rotting dark muck inside of you every night that prevented you from sleeping. All of it--

(hyperventilating) oh god WHO ELSE r-remembers-- WHO ELSE-- shit-- SHIT--

RRrRrrrrrrRRrr...!! Peppino..! Here, here, hey!

YOU LIVE WITH ME AND YOU KNOW I WAS A COWARD! AND SPED THROUGH W-WITHOUT THINKING! I COSTED A LIFE, I--

I know. You don't have to believe me right now, but you need to know that this is okay. I do not hate you. Nobody hates you. Not even the ones that caused you such torment.

(harsh, heavy breathing)

Everything you have done outweighs the loss that could have been had. A miracle to a privilege to even be able to make this world even better. You took it. You did it. Peppino, you're amazing.

Igh...!! (gross sniffle) I'mgonnapassout...

Rest. Want to take a bath?

Th-th--that mi-- th-- (panting) Th-- that sounds-- great. Actually. C-can we? F-fuckin-- smooth talker, asshole--

Rrrrrrrrr. Let's get you calm... breathe again... rrrrr....

H-how do you know what exactly t-to say, I don't get it. Goddamn-- demon-- (breathing in, slowly, shakily, for a little while; starts to calm down)

...You... you care. Too much.

It's the least I can do.

#;pizzaplot #;second lap #new tag incoming))#;pizzawhump #<--this one will be used for the more angsty posts))#;oni speaks #;peppino speaks #long post //#me a couple hours ago: wrow ppl rlly liked that angst i wonder if i can just--))

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sirendeepity · 7 months

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As of today (November 1st) Blaketober is officially over and, my goodness, what a ride. I am a changed person. Lowkey proud of myself for respecting the timeline, even when I thought I wouldn't make it (tragic) and entertained the idea of cheating a little (fyi, I didn't, except on one (1) small occasion, but it was just 20 pages and life got in the way,so-).

Like basically anything else in my life, here are my unasked for opinions on all the books <3

Needless to say, there will probably be spoilers

Alone with You in the Ether [★★★]

This challenge didn't start off very strong for me. Although I did overall enjoy the story, this was the book I struggled the most with—the only one, actually. The writing style was phenomenal, to no one's surprise, but I found the pace to be a bit slow, and didn't particularly connect with the characters. Not to mention the theories (seriously, Olivie, leave quanta alone). To sum it up: Not my cup of tea, my cute little brain was not made for this. But the bees !!!

One For My Enemy [★★★★★]

This, on the other hand, my brain very much enjoyed. My heart can't say the same, given the fact that I was in physical pain after finishing it, but anyway- I felt for Dima, for Masha, for Dima and Masha, for Sasha, for my baby Lev (love that man, seriously). I even felt for Roman. Roman! Someone give that man a hug. What a tragedy, this book. Olivie blake could easily write Romeo and Juliet, but could Shakespeare write One for my Enemy? I don't think so.

Masters of Death [★★★★★]

One of the best books I've read this year. Favorite one out of all five. Easily. Even if ghost Thomas Edward Parker the fourth was a child of Twitter, yes. I spent half of the book laughing out loud and the other half crying. I wish I were joking, but I'm not. I was hyperventilating by the end of it. (Not fun.) Fox and Brandt could step on me and I'd thank them. Seriously, go back and do it again. Don't walk, run to buy this book.

The Atlas Six [★★★★]

It was supposed to be 3.5 stars, since I felt like it missed that ✨sparkle✨, but that is to be expected when you already know the plot points and twists and all of that, so I decided to change it and leave the rating as it was after the first read. If I gave it 4 stars, there's a reason. I don't really have much else to say about this? I still didn't understand shit about physics and quantum theory (again), but I did understand the characters a little better this time around. Or, at least, I started to appreciate them for who they were instead of what I wanted them to be, Parisa and Libby included. A win is a win, right?

The Atlas Paradox [★★★★]

Repeat after me: Nico can learn how to live without his left hand (Libby), but he can't learn how to live without his conscience bECAUSE HE DOESN'T KNOW WHO HE IS WITHOUT GIDEON !!!!!!

@olivieblake don't worry, I'll take it well if they're not endgame 😊(🔪)

Anyway, Dalton? Hello, hi, nice to meet you. Also, who told Callum he could be so hilarious? That man is not appreciated enough, methinks. I am so ready for The Atlas Complex and whatever new project our lord and saviour Olivie is working on. Take all my money. Take my firstborn too, I don't care, just give me the gays and the theys.

#dee reads #blaketober #alone with you in the ether #one for my enemy #masters of death #the atlas six #the atlas paradox #the atlas series #olivie blake

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zee-has-commitment-issues · 2 years

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Alright, it is officially July 1st for me. The 1-year anniversary of Young Royals. It only seems appropriate that I say something. It's practically an essay, but this show means too much for me to not say it. I am, as always, super fucking dramatic. So don't think of me any differently, darling. I'm still insane, but you know... just a little more emotional rn.

TW: mental illness and stuff.

I cannot even begin to explain how much this silly little gay show means to me. I actually cannot put into words how much I adore this show. I like to joke about how I'm hyper fixated on it and how I'm obsessed with it, and that's all true, but it's also so much more than that. I simply cannot express to you how much this show means to me as a person, as a teen, and as someone who is queer.

When I found this show, I was at probably the lowest I had ever been in my entire life. I was so low that I didn't know what to do with myself. I was 17 years old, a freshman in college, in the middle of a pandemic, and genuinely not doing well. The last thought I had before I started watching this show was "if you like the first episode, you're not going to end it tonight."

I watched the show twice that night.

It was the first time I'd watched a show and genuinely felt seen by it. Not only in the characters, but in the actors who beautifully portrayed them. Teenagers actually being played by teenagers. People with acne. Queer people. Unconventionally beautiful people. Girls who aren't just obsessed with boys and drama and pulling each other down. Boys who show emotion. Teens who are openly queer. Teens who are finding themselves at their own pace. Wholesome queer romance. Healthy sex positivity.

Do you know how fucking rare that is?

And the anxiety. The true and authentic portrayal of anxiety in this show literally brings tears to my eyes every time I watch it. It isn't just fidgeting or hyperventilating or the "pretty" forms of anxiety that we show in most media. It's a bitch, and it sucks, and it changes your life and how you look at things. Young Royals managed to show that beautifully in varying degrees in multiple characters. I had never, and haven't since, seen anxiety shown in media the way it is actually felt by people who have anxiety.

All this to say: this show fucking saved my life. In my super dramatic, unfiltered way, it saved my life. Had I watched a different show that night, had it not been the way it is, I don't think I would be here today pouring my heart out for strangers on the internet.

And I got you guys. Which is a weird thing to say, but it's true. I logged back into Tumblr because of this show, and look at us now. Seriously, what the actual fuck? There are people who follow me here now? And want to listen to me? And will read this entire fucking essay about this show?

That's crazy.

This fandom is honestly amazing. You guys are amazing. The mutuals I've connected with because of this show are amazing. It is honestly one of the craziest things. I didn't know a tv show could mean so much to me, and here we are.

So thank you to this tv show. Thank you to its creators. Thank you to the actors who bring it to life. Thank you to the fandom. Thank you to my mutuals. Thank you to those of you who continue to follow me for some unknown reason. Just thank you.

With love,

Zee

#young royals #young royals netflix #one year of young royals

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kneelingshadowsalome · 1 year

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oh i can't babe, busy (reading refugee for the third time today, because it is a sweet treat after a long ass day and it keeps me excited to read it all over again)

Seriously whaat I can't, it's like your comfort read 💖?! I'm hyperventilating

(I just can't believe the response this fic has had like wtf. I knew it might resonate with some people but this is just 🫠❤️‍🔥🥲)

#answered

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apathbetweenthestars · 9 months

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Something I've been thinking about lately, what if mental health and women's health in particular was taken more seriously? In my case, young teenage me getting the help I needed when I needed it. How would my life be different?

(please read the tags before continuing)

I now know I have some undiagnosed anxiety issues, and looking back on my life, it was pretty obvious that some of my problems going through middle and high school were anxiety related. However, when my mother took me to a doctor back then (around the year 2000), all they said was that I had a nervous stomach (I would vomit before school at least once a week for no apparent reason). So I learned to live with it. I learned how to control my nausea and talk myself down.

You're going to be fine. You're not going to throw up. Just breathe.

As I learned to control my "nervous stomach" (which took years to really get it under control), I started having other issues. I would get these attacks of back pain. Honestly felt like someone had punched me full force right in between the shoulder blades, but the pain would build gradually until it was so bad it made me throw up. Then it would dissipate.

Once again, went to the doctor and they basically just shrugged and said to come back when an actual back pain incident was happening. They only recommended OTC pain meds and heat. (Side note, as a child/teen/young adult I couldn't swallow pills because of an over active gag reflex, so OTC pain meds weren't even really an option for me.)

The back pain attacks would come randomly once every three months-ish, but they eventually stopped around 9th grade or so. By this point, I'd gotten much better with my self talks. I still definitely got the "nervous stomach" attacks, but I could talk myself down pretty easily.

Fast forward to college. I started getting these incidents where my chest felt tight and hyperventilating was an issue. They would happen randomly with no apparent trigger, but usually when I was alone at night in my off campus apartment. This time I didn't bother with a doctor. I just modified my strategies.

You're okay. Nothing is wrong. Take deep breaths and count down from 100.

It helped. I would eventually fall into an exhausted sleep.

In college, I also started to get intrusive thoughts. Things like a voice telling me that no one really liked me. In fact, my friends all hated me and put up with me because they had to. And maybe it would be better if I just left... Went far away and started a new life somewhere no one knows me. The intrusive thoughts were harder to fight. I didn't have a strategy for them. My brain tried to convince me that my friends hated me, so even seeking them out was too much, because what if my brain was right?

Eventually I heard the term "intrusive thoughts" and learned more about them (because that's what I do... I research everything) which helped me to better understand and create a coping strategy.

You know that's not true. Your friends don't hate you. Swipe left on that shit.

My first teaching job (oh hey, I'm a teacher, btw) was at a middle school. I loved it! The kids were fantastic and I loved being part of their education and someone they trusted. What I hated was my backstabbing co-teacher. I won't go into detail about what all she did, but it created a lot of insecurity in me in regards to if I can actually do my job and if I can trust my colleagues and administrators. This is still something I struggle with today... Intrusive thoughts telling me I'm a crap teacher. That my colleagues are talking about me to the administration. That I'll be fired any day now.

You're colleagues like working with you. Your admin trusts you. Your contract will be renewed next year. Breathe.

Fast forward to 2020 and the pandemic. My little sister started going to therapy after having a breakdown from all the stress from the pandemic (this was when we were in lock down with no sign of a vaccine yet and the George Floyd riots were in full force). Her therapist started suggesting strategies to use, things to do to help cope with the anxiety and stress. She would tell me about the strategies and in the back of my head I'm thinking, "Hey, that sounds a lot like what I do." So then when new issues came up for her, I gave her some of the things I did. She would bring them back to her therapist who would say, "Oh, yeah! That's a great strategy!"

Queue me starting to realize that maybe what I've had all this time was anxiety. Maybe if I'd been diagnosed way back in middle school, I wouldn't have suffered so much? But what I have experienced isn't terrible, right? Other people have it worse. I can handle it. Therapy and medication are for people with more serious issues, like those contemplating suicide, right?

You deserve recognition. Your struggles are valid. Just because someone else's suffering is "worse" doesn't mean yours is invalid or not worthy of treatment.

*sigh*

I'm working on it. And maybe someday I won't have to work on it alone anymore.

#mental health #anxiety #tw anxiety #tw descriptions of anxiety attacks #tw sui ideation #long post #self talk #coping strategies

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im-a-heartstomper · 10 months

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recovery update (please read?)

OKAY OKAY OKAY I know most of you don't care but I do so SHUT THE FUCK UP.

today we had a pretty long conversation and it was really nice! i probably shouldn't get used to that... im only really going to text her one more time today and then probably spend the week... not doing that (i wouldn't but i already said i would and i don't want her to think im like dead or something!!!)

i never really thought about this until today, but i don't know if this "occasionally talking" thing I want should happen. im like obsessed with this girl! not in a creepy way, ive never like stalked her socials. she's just so fun to talk to, and if i allow myself to talk to her im never going to want to stop. i think she should just be the kind of person i text stuff like "happy birthday :)" or "merry christmas ☺️" or other things along those lines.

luckily the relationship ending isn't bothering me that much anymore! like ive said before, i never really needed to be in a relationship with her to enjoy her company or to love her. the relationship was really nice, and admittedly things going back to the way they were sounds pretty fuckin cool. but im okay with this. i just don't think im going to be completely okay with it if i don't let her live her own life and if i don't leave to live mine. god i hope she's not reading this. being friends sounds wonderful, but i just don't know if i can.

today while we were talking she asked if she could ask me a question. so obviously i said yes. but usually when she does that, it's for a serious reason. and that just scared me to death. if i wasn't doing this well in my recovery i would've had a fucking anxiety attack. i wasn't able to breathe properly until the moment had passed, and i just felt. dizzy. and my mind was running wild! it was all like "she's using that tone. this is serious. what if she's changed her mind. what if she decided she doesn't want to reconnect ever again? what the fuck will you do then?" and it just fucked me up. im okay now, but it's terrifying how a simple change of her tone can affect me. and i just cannot be around that until im fully recovered.

and even though my recovery is going well, that's going to take a long time. the simple changes of her tone terrify me, and the thought of simple phone calls with people who aren't family is enough to make me hyperventilate. this whole situation has seriously damaged me. and i don't think i can be around that, i don't think i can be around her until this damage that has been done is repaired. so maybe instead of waiting a week, i should wait until these fears are gone.

on another, more lighthearted note, i have not stopped the self-care challenge. im still going strong (although im running out of things im allowed to do...) and it feels great! I'm replaying a game I adore (NSR), I reset my island on ACNH (i wasn't aware i was a boy when i started that one, that's why) and i just took a bath. overall, im doing well! thank you for reading and caring <3

#breakup recovery #an update #im doing better #:)#<3

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magicalboynova92 · 1 year

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It's been awhile since I have actually posted anything personal on here...

I'm struggling real bad and I feel like I am annoying/stressing out everyone around me.

Long story short, I just got my license back...it was suspended because I got in a wreck and my insurance had unfortunately lapsed at the time. (Couldn't afford the payment.) I finally got everything settled.

My wife is a truck driver...and hates the job bc she is never home and it's taking a toll on her.

I feel helpless bc I have such a hard time holding down a job for multiple reasons. It's not from a lack of trying, mind you. I get overwhelmed and so stressed easily that I tend to shut down and become severely depressed. I have moderate to severe panic attacks...and I also have been having major stomach issues, so it's hard for me to determine when I am able to work. So I decided to try instacart...something I can be like "Okay...I feel pretty good today, I can work!"

I have only been able to complete a total of 3 batches because I panic when I'm shopping/delivering. And for some reason the app is so confusing to navigate for me.

I thought the app would be self explainitory. I signed up last month. My first batch was a disaster because I accidentally accepted a double batch. I managed to get all the items I could. Then I went to check out but my app was glitching and I couldn't figure out what the pin was. The employee ringing me up was getting irritated with me and was super impatient which...didn't help me at all. I tried to contact support but the app kept sending me in circles...it was messing up bad. I started to panic because I had cold/frozen stuff and the delivery was due real soon...and I was stuck at check out. It was insane. Then when I finally got in touch with support, I checked out....it was pouring rain....got all the groceries in my car. The app was still messing up. I couldn't figure out how to get to person A or B's house. I'm shaking and hyperventilating. I finally find the navigation and drive to each house

But I couldn't figure out how to complete the orders bc my app didn't give me an option anywhere. So I just dropped the groceries off and left. I contacted support again and told them what happened....

Then the next batch I tried doing....it started with 10-15 items. No problem. That's great! Super easy. Ill be in and out. But then...the customer kept adding stuff. I was literally stuck in the chip aisle for a good 20 minutes. I'm not even joking. And every time I tried leaving the aisle something else was added and I had to turn around and go get it. I was at the store for way longer than I should have been and my phone fucking died before I could even finish the batch. I left the store midpanic attack....I sat in my car to charge my phone and turned it back on. I had to cancel that order because....oh my God I couldn't deal with that customer. They kept adding stuff. They wouldn't communicate with me...they kept sending me everywhere around the store. Completely fucked up my shopping trip...there was just no way. There seriously needs to be a cut off point. Because that totally fucked me all up. I shouldn't have been gone that long. It was ridiculous.

Anyway...I completed another batch with my wife the other day and it wasn't bad...it was a lot easier with someone with me. But like...I was still extremely stressed and anxious. I don't know if instacart is for me...and I'm very upset. I need to do something. I'm disappointed in myself bc I promised I would try hard...but no matter how hard I try, I still fail...

It should be a simple job for me. And yet...it's not. I'm so...so tired...

#personal

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nothingbutalgae · 1 year

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Had a panic attack at a continuing ed conference today in the last like 30 minutes of it. So that was fun. Basically we were doing group scenarios, and I was with a few people I knew and a few I just met and my group immediately decided the scenarios were dumb and were just having discussions regarding them and what you would do, until one of the ladies I didn't know was like "well you haven't talked very much, why don't you talk?" To me and I said "well I've been trying to talk but everyone else is talking louder" and either her or the other one went "well just talk louder then, cut in!" As like an encouragement, and then they just go "so what would you do in this one?" and i started trying to think and talk, and then one of those two just absolutely flipped it and went "well you two haven't talked much or done a scenario so do one now!" And so the other guy light-heartedly started it and made a joke and everyone laughed about it for a good bit and i didnt respond because i was like haha joke and everyone was just staring at me waiting for me to say something in response and I got super uncomfortable very fast. It was very, very clear that I was very uncomfortable with the sudden attention and I slid out of the circle to hide as a "uh yeah I don't want to do this" but they were like "no, no, you cant hide, do it!" And staring at me and I made a comment that everyone is staring at me and the new girls I didn't know are like O_O at me more and the people I did know were smartasses and like turned so they werent looking at me at all and I'm still trying to process everyone that's happening with a lot of attention on me suddenly and the lady that threw me into the situation like leans over and tells me what I should say in a way that comes off super patronizing and I'm just like "im not dumb" and just immediately shut down completely and another lady I knew took it over and took the spot light off of me and I started crying and hyperventilating. I cannot tell you the last time I hyperventilated. Having 4 people with significantly more life experience and career experience with you staring at you, while two of them throw you under a bus for being the quietest in the group when literally we were just having discussions and weren't doing that anymore and I let me guard down completely thinking I wouldn't have to worry about it and have my actions in a fake scenario judged by people with more experience. I just feel like an idiot bc I couldn't calm down either and I made a terrible impression and two of the group members (one of which I know and am somewhat friendly with) were like whispering and talking to themselves when the group broke apart and I feel like an idiot bc I'm sure they think I way overreacted but like. Seriously I was trying to stop hyperventilating for a very long time and the one lady who caused it I just said "hey, I'm not dumb, but everyone had been laughing at the joke and then expected me to answer on the spot" and she was like shit, sorry, I've been in your position before and I just wanted to crawl into a hole and the other lady was like "awh, it's nice to communicate and I'm glad you said something" and it's like okay lady you aren't involved shut up. One of the ladies i had been hanging out with all weekend apologized later for being part of the problem later and hugged me. But like, damage is done. No recovering from that one.

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nagito-kissmaeda · 3 years

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Horny on Main Disease - Komaeda x Reader

Summary: Reader catches a strain of the despair disease that means she says everything she is thinking. Kind of awkward considering all she can think about is how much she wants to jump Komaeda's bones. This is intended to be sort of funny, but i still wrote it pretty seriously, just want to make it clear that i did not half ass the smut. i whole assed it.

Word count: 4444 Contains: fem reader, they/them pronouns, despair disease, explict sexual content, unsafe sex, voyeurism Read on AO3 ミ☆ Please send me a DM or an ask if you’d like me to write something for you!

It’s not even a particularly hot day, and yet you’re sweating bullets as you walk over to the dining hall like you do every morning. Your legs are wobbly and your head is aching something terrible, you assume that you’ve caught a cold or something , whatever the problem is, it’s going to be a question for Tsumiki when you meet up with her at breakfast.

Kuzuryu is standing out by the pool, pensively staring into the still water. He probably misses Pekoyama, but you’re smart enough to know not to-

“Hey, Kuzuryu! I bet you miss your dead girlfriend, huh?”

He just stares at you, and it takes a good few seconds for you to even realise what you just said out loud. You clap a hand over your mouth, horrified.

“I don’t know why I said that!” You squeak

Kuzuryu doesn’t look...angry? He shakes his head at you and sighs, “you’re acting weird today too, aren’t you?”

“What? Weird? Who’s weird?”

“Owari was here a few minutes ago, bawling her eyes out on the ground.” He crosses his arms and looks away from you, “I think the bear is planning something again.”

You nod sternly, “anyone with tits as big as Owari has nothing to cry about! Something is definitely suspicious.”

Oh god why did you say that??

“Oh god, why did I say that??”

You just keep saying everything you’re thinking!

“I just keep saying everything I’m-“

Kuzuryu grabs you by the wrist and starts tugging you towards the dining hall, “something is definitely fucked up.” He looks down at where his hand is gripping yours, “Jesus Christ, your skin is on fire!”

“Yeah, cause I’m hot !” That was already an embarrassing thing to say, you are horrified when your mouth drops open again to follow it up with, “bow-chicka-wow-wow!”

There is definitely something wrong with you. In general you are the sort of person who takes the time to carefully curate every word that leaves your mouth, the fact that you are just speaking without even thinking about it is bizarre and alarming. The ache in your head is also steadily growing stronger and you’re starting to feel dizzy, maybe you’re just delirious with flu? It doesn't make sense for you to catch the flu on an abandoned island, but weirder things have happened already.

It is at this moment that you realise you have been (only semi-coherently) mumbling your full internal tirade outloud to Kuzuryu, who is now helping you up the stairs to the dining hall. He has very diplomatically, been either ignoring, or at least pretending to ignore everything you have been saying.

“You’re nice. Probably the politest yakuza i’ve ever met.” you pause, “I’ve never met another yakuza, i'm not sure why i said it like that.”

Kuzuryu scoffs and tugs you up at the last step. Deigning to give your comment any sort of response.

As you step up onto the dining hall landing, you freeze. This is dangerous. Your nails are biting into the skin of your palms, and your already warm face feels even hotter. Don't look at him, don't think about him, don't look at him, don't think about him. Kuzuryu is giving you a look, you must be verbalising your own mental gymnastics, but that is less embarrassing than the alternative.

“Don't look at him, don't think about him, don't look at him, don't think-”

You look up, like an idiot . Komaeda is sitting by the window with his chin in his palm, just sort of staring off into the middle distance, not really looking at anything. The morning sun cascades through the window and catches in his hair. It shimmers. Your heart twists and turns in your chest, you have been trying to keep this little fascination of yours under wraps, but he slowly closes his eyes and takes a deep breath in through his nose and-

“He looks like an angel .” You say, and you say it loudly.

All eyes in the room turn to you. Hinata especially is looking at you with his particular brand of exhaustion, that says this is not the first weird thing he has heard today. You scramble, trying desperately to think about anything other than Komaeda, to stop yourself from saying anything stupid. In your desperation, what you say is: “Yes hello! I was talking about anyone in this room apart from Komaeda. Please do not be confused, it was not Komaeda. I want to make it crystal clear that i am NOT attracted to Nagito Komaeda. This is a very convincing lie and you all believe me!”

Mioda straightens her spine and salutes you, “Roger! You are not attracted to Komaeda, I believe you!”

Your sweating even more now, it’s getting hard to breathe, “Forget I said anything!”

Mioda salutes again, “Consider it forgotten!”

“What is happening?! ” Hinata exclaims, gesturing wildly to you, Mioda, and Owari who you suddenly notice is leaning against the far wall and sobbing, “This is not normal!”

Your eyes slip to Komaeda again. He is looking at you and he is blushing-

“He looks so...cute…” You whisper, and Hinata yelps.

“Why are you all being so weird???? ”

Monokuma takes that as his cue to finally show up. Waltzing on into the dining hall like he owns the place, clearly buzzing with excitement, “A good question!” He says, clamoring up onto a vacant chair and holding a paw in front of his face to hide his laughter, “ Oooh , this is my best motive yet! Looks like three members of the class have come down with a bad case of the despair disease!”

“D-Despair Disease?” Tsumiki contributes, nervously playing with her hands, “I’ve never heard of such a thing!”

“Yeah, well. It’s pretty self explanatory!” Monokuma says, “The main symptom is high fever, along with some other fun despair related effects! It’s a bit of a mixed bag though and no two cases are the same! For example, Moida is suffering from the Gullible Disease...Owari has the Cowards Disease.” Then, Monokuma points his stubby little paw in your direction, “And you have the No Filter Disease. You just say whatever you’re thinking! It’s been lots of fun so far, upupupupu~”

“Oh, does that mean all those things they were just saying about Komaeda were the truth?” Sonia says. Her brows draw together, and she taps her lips with a finger, “How interesting.”

“It’s not my fault he’s gorgeous!” the words escape you before you have a chance to stop them. You squeal and clap a hand over your mouth before you start talking again. Komaeda is now bright red to the tips of his ears.

“That was true? GROSS!” Saionji exclaims.

You glare at Monokuma, “If you wouldn't kill me for doing it, I'd rip out all your stuffing right now.”

Monokuma withers a little, “Aw~ Is that what you really feel? Here I was thinking we were great friends.”

“I’ll gut you like a fish.” you pause, “a bear-fish.” another pause, “a fish-bear.” You groan, “UGH, I can’t stop saying stupid things! I’m all sweaty! This sucks !”

Tsumiki steps over to you, her hand is shaking as she brings it up to your forehead.

“Oh…” you breathe, “your hand is cold.”

“S-Sorry! I’m just checking your temperature.”

“You smell like lavender.”

She recoils a little, “It’s j-just my shampoo!!'' Then she shakes her head and turns to the rest of the group, “Monokuma is telling the truth. They’ve got a fever.”

Hinata hurriedly presses his hand against the foreheads of both Owari and Moida, confirming that they’re also burning up, “What do we do, Tsumiki?”

Before she can answer, Monokuma pipes up again, “did I forget to mention? It’s contagious~~”

Saionji squeals and backpedals all the way to the stairs, “Contagious!?”

“Yeah and I'm a conta- genius . Get it?”

Souda gives you an uncomfortable look and scratches the back of his neck, “How much space in your brain is taken up by bad puns?”

You’re feeling really dizzy now, “A lot of it! But usually I don't say any of them!” your knees wobble and you almost fall over, luckily Tsumiki is still close enough to grab you before you topple to the ground, “I am going to kill that goddamn bear .”

“Could-could someone help me?” Tsumiki squeaks, “If i keep holding them up like this we-we’re just both going to fall over.”

You giggle a little, slipping into a semi-delirium as you cling to Tsumiki for dear life. Hinata and the others start working on a plan to keep everyone safe until the illness runs its course, “Hey Tsumiki…” you whisper, “Komaeda’s got real nice hands, huh?” she is too busy trying to keep you upright to answer, “I want him to carry me. Unless I'm too heavy, Tsumiki, am I too heavy?”

You’re all but draped over Tsumiki now, who is trying in vain to shuffle you over to a nearby wall, when you suddenly hear her sigh in relief, “Oh...Th-Thank you. I’m not very s-strong…”

You manage to flop your head around to face the other direction, lacking the strength to turn your neck properly. Komaeda is looking down at you, it might just be the fever, but you feel like you’re going to burst into flames.

“Aha, I’m sure i'm not much stronger than you, Tsumiki.” He says, gently wrapping his arm around your shoulders and tugging you over to him. You might have moaned, you can't be sure, “But I do have the height advantage.”

The utter tsunami that leaves your mouth is unavoidable. Literally medically unavoidable, but that doesn't stop it from being the most embarrassing moment of your life.

“He’s touching me. He’s touching me…” your head has come to rest on his chest and you are practically hyperventilating, “He smells like chamomile soap and clean laundry...His hands are cold, his shirt is soft...Oh god i'm so sweaty, he probably thinks i'm disgusting! Komaeda, i'm so sorry , this was meant to be a secret!!! I wasn't going to tell you, everyones gonna think I'm weird!” your thoughts are leaving your mouth faster than you can think of them, if Komaeda is reacting to anything you have to say, you don't notice because despite your mouth running a mile a minute you still have an ounce enough of shame and bury your face in his chest to hide from your own words.

The world is spinning, your head feels heavy, everything is so hot , “Your hair is nice, did you know your hair is nice? God, I've wanted to run my fingers through it since day one. This is so fucked up, you almost killed someone! I want to stop talking , i feel like i'm gonna pass out, i'm gonna pass out, i'm gonna pass out. Im gonna…”

***

“I think I passed out.” Is the first thing you say when you wake up. You’re still hot and the back of your neck is sweaty, but you can see that you are now in the hospital, and that you’re wearing a hospital gown.

“Who undressed me?!” You exclaim, disappointed to find that you still can’t help saying everything you think.

At the sound of your voice, the door to your room opens, and Komaeda steps in.

“No! Not you!”

He freezes, withering under your gaze, “Ah, I see. Being greeted by garbage like me in your current state, it must be insulting .”

You feel like an asshole .

“That’s not what I meant! Please don’t go, I never want you to go.”

Komaeda laughs a little, still lurking nervously in the doorway, “You’re confusing me.”

“I don’t want you to hear what I’m thinking. I want you to stay, but all I can think about is how much I want to suck on your collarbone.” You freeze the second you stop talking, a high pitched whine leaving your mouth as you hide your face in your hands, “I’m so sorry! I can’t stop it!”

Stepping further into the room, Komaeda quietly closes the door behind him. Your heart is pounding.

“I’m nervous.” You say.

He tilts his head, walking over to the side of your bed, “I can still leave if I’m making you uncomfortable.”

“No, I’m not uncomfortable.” You shrink under his gaze, “it just, the way you closed the door it makes me feel like you’re planning something, like maybe we’re going to have-“ you manage to cover your mouth before the rest of the sentence escapes. Keeping your hands tight over your lips as all you can think about is his long fingers, his soft hair, his half lidded eyes.

“Are you...still talking behind your hands?”

You nod.

A smile crawls up the side of his face, “are you saying something embarrassing?”

“I wanna stick my tongue in your mouth.” You say, loud enough that even the tight grip of your hands doesn’t muffle it.

Komaeda remains remarkably calm, “You keep saying those things. This disease...means you say whatever you’re thinking, doesn’t it?”

“Yes. It’s driving me crazy, I’m just being such an idiot and I’m probably freaking you out. I’m sorry.”

“No, that’s not it.” He sighs, moving slowly as he sits down on the side of your bed, “Honestly, why would you let such thoughts about scum like me take up so much real estate in your mind?”

“I can’t help it!” You exclaim, “I’ve been trying not to think about it, but I just can’t! I want you so badly. I…..I-“ you hold your breath, you can’t let that last part out, no matter what, you can’t say that last part. You’ll die of suffocation before you let him hear it.

“You...what?” He asks

Oh god. You can’t stop thinking about it. Your lungs are aching, screaming for you to just open your mouth.

“What are you hiding, hm?”

It’s too much. The nerves, your sick and weakened body, him right there . You can’t do it, you can’t stop it, the next time you see Monokuma, you are drop kicking him into the sun.

“I’ve touched myself while thinking about you!”

The words echo off the walls of the room like a gunshot.

For a moment Komaeda just stares at you, but then, his shaky hands reach out and wrap around both of your wrists. His throat bobs.

“Hng. I want to suck on the side of your neck, I want to see you covered in marks from my teeth-“ you try to cover your mouth with your hands again. Komaeda grips your wrists tighter.

“No.” He whispers, trembling, “keep going.”

“ God, your hands are so big. I want to know how deep your fingers would reach inside of me. I bet you’re good at it, I bet you’re really good at it.” He just keeps staring at you, ghostly green eyes blown wide, chest heaving , “Are you turned on? Is this turning you on? Just pin me down and fuck me, do it, do it, do it!”

“How...how often are you thinking about me like this?”

“Oh, all the time.” You freeze, mentally (and therefore also verbally) berating yourself, “Not all the time! Just like, a normal amount. However much that is.” He is still just looking at you, the pad of his thumb slowly brushes across the pulsepoint in your wrist and you shiver, “Yes, yes! I’ve wanted this intimacy with you for so long . I couldn't tell anyone, I couldn't tell you. During the first trial, when you went on your weirdo rant about hope and despair. I was scared, i was so scared, but oh god- ” you can't stop yourself. Every thought in your head is pouring out of your lips. Filling up the room, the mortification is drowning you . All you can do is squeeze your eyes shut to avoid looking at him, “I was wet , Komaeda. I went back to my cabin and came three times to the thought of you, I am reprehensible . What do you think the others would do if they found out, huh? That all i can think about is you fucking me over my trial podium. They’ll tie me up next-”

The bed squeaks, and Komaeda brings his knee up and over your hips.

“-Oh my god. You’re doing it aren't you?”

His other leg comes up on the bed, and he settles, hovering up above you. He shrugs, “I honestly don't understand why this is something you want,” he leans down over you, resting his palms on either side of your head, “but who am I to deny the wishes of an ultimate.”

If not for the warmth of his lips pressed against yours, you are sure that you wouldn't be able to shut up, based only on the number of thoughts tumbling through your head like they’re on a spin cycle. You are still sweaty with fever and probably look disgusting, but Komaeda shuffles down in between your legs and hikes your hospital gown up to your waist. So you are suitably distracted.

He laughs as he hooks his fingers around your panties and tugs them down your thighs, “I cant believe that you want scum like me to touch you like this. Usually I would assume that you are lying, or taking pity on me.” He grins, running a finger up the length of your sex, “But everything you say to me is your exact thoughts, isnt it?”

“Yes! Touch me, please! ” You’re quivering beneath him, barely able to breathe in between your frantic pleas, “You feel so good, you feel perfect . I want your fingers inside me so bad .”

He hisses as he slips his middle and ring finger inside of you, eyes glued to where your entrance is swallowing him up, “Ahaaa...you’re drenched . You really do want me don't you?” he pistons his fingers in and out slowly, slowly and deliberately, “Someone like you, desiring me so terribly. It’s such a waste , but i can't help it. I must be selfish and take this chance while i can.”

“Not a….waste....” You force out, helplessly grinding on his fingers, “Want you....want only you…”

“Oh- Ohhhh .” He moans, “I can feel you, squeezing around my fingers. You’re so wet...so warm…”

You hear a zipper coming undone, and your thoughts go into overdrive, “oh my god, oh my god. Komaeda’s going to jerk off in front of me, wanna watch, wanna watch! ”

His fingers still inside you for a moment as he tugs his boxers down far enough to slip out his cock. Your eyes follow the movement of his long fingers as he slowly curls them around the base, and tugs them up again, rolling the pad of his thumb over the head. His hips buck, and you moan.

“You...you’re tightening around my fingers…” he breathes, choking on a moan as he pumps his cock again, “you like watching me touch myself?” Your hips stutter, grinding your clit against the meat of his palm as he continues stroking himself. His eyes are wide as he watches you writhing beneath him.

“The face you make when you do that...it’s so cute.” You say, whining as his fingers start moving inside you again, “it’s even cuter than I imagined. Your cheeks are all red.” You swallow, “and your cock is so pretty...I want you to cum inside me, so bad .”

His breath hitches, “you want me to cum, inside you?” his cock is leaking with pre-cum now, painfully hard in his hand. His chest is heaving.

“Yes yes yes! ” You plead, “I want you, please! ”

“I don’t understand.” He breathes, and you whimper as his fingers slip out of you, “How could someone be so desperate for my pathetic seed?”

“Fill me up , Komaeda!” You exclaim, at this point you are long past embarrassed. The words leaving your mouth are the absolute truth and there is no way you can deny them.

He groans at that, an octave deeper than you are used to hearing and it seems he is having trouble denying you. His own desperation mingling with yours and overtaking his painful self-doubt, he wraps a hand around the base of his cock, and slowly edges the swollen head against your entrance, “f-fuck…” he mutters as he slips inside you, “you’re so warm .”

You can barely even register what you are saying anymore, it’s little more than a string of compliments about how good he feels inside you. About how handsome he is. Your tongue feels weird and loose in your mouth from overuse, but you still can’t stop talking.

He looms above you, halo of white hair bouncing as he thrusts in and out of you, the unmistakable jangle of the chain hanging from his jeans. All things that confirm it is Komaeda inside of you. Your heart races with the fact.

“Th-thank you, for permitting me to do this with you.” He stammers, sweat slowly dripping down his brow, “it’s...so good...it feels like I belong inside you. ”

A moan rips through you, and you hook your weak ankles around his waist, “you do belong inside me. You fit so perfectly , I was made for your cock. GOD I sound so filthy…..I- I can’t help it.”

“ No.” He hisses, eyes meeting yours, “Keep talking.”

“You say that like I can stop.” You dip your head lower, and wrap your lips around his left collarbone, moaning as you suck hard enough to leave a bruise. He keens above you, hips snapping against yours even faster, “Your hip bones are digging into my thighs…”

He squeezes his eyes shut, “I-I’m sorry, do you want me to-“

“Don’t you dare stop, Komaeda. You’re mine , I want to feel every inch of you.”

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

You bring a shaky hand up to his cheek, he nuzzles into your palm, “You aren’t hurting me. It feels wonderful.”

He kisses you then, messy and wet, his lips taste like desperation. Even with his tongue tangled with yours, you are still trying to speak. Sweet nothings, forceful demands, anything and everything that comes to mind is trying to force its way out of your mouth. Something is in the pit of your stomach is twisting tight and you moan greedily into the cavern of his mouth as his hips meet yours again. You can feel that he’s losing his rhythm.

“S-sorry. I’m...im close…” A moan rips from his throat and he buries his face in your neck.

Your hips have started canting up to meet his, you want so badly to be close to him, to feel all of him, “M’close to. I love having you inside me, i want to do this again and again and-”

Komaeda freezes, eyes turning to the door on the other side of the room. Footstops.

“Who is it? Did they hear? Are there going to come in? What do you think they’re going to do if they see you inside of-”

Komaeda covers your mouth with his palm. You’re still talking, but at least it’s muffled now. Kuzuryu and Hinata are chatting in the hallway, the footsteps seem only to be growing closer. You can't stop thinking terrible, horrible things, and while Komaeda’s hand keeps you quiet enough that they can't seem to hear you from outside, Komaeda can definitely hear you.

“I wanna keep going.”

His eyes are blown wide, but you feel the tell-tale throb of his cock inside of you, “ What?! ” he hisses, “there’s no way you can keep quiet like this...they’ll definitely hear us.”

“I don’t care if they hear us, I want them to hear us. I want them to know what you’re doing to me.”

His hips twitch, and he bites his lip hard to keep in a moan, “You're not ashamed to be seen intimately with someone as despicable as me?”

You coo at him, running your index finger down the front of his throat and over the mark you left on his collarbone, he tentatively removes his hand from your mouth and pushes some sweaty hair away from your forehead, you smile, “I’m not ashamed of you. I’m in love with you.”

Komaeda sucks a breath in through his teeth, and it is only then that you realise what you have said.

“Oh GOD. I didn't - I'm so sorry.” your eyes are wide, you’re ready for him to jump up and bolt out of the room, “I just thought it and then i said it, and jesus christ im so sorry-”

You’re cut off by his lips. The kiss is gentler, less desperate, but filled with the depth of passion. He starts thrusting in and out of you again, and you gasp in surprise at the feeling. He pulls away from the kiss, and rests his forehead against yours, his breathing heavy as one of his hands slips down under your knee. He pushes your leg up higher and you choke on a moan at how much deeper this new angle feels.

A high-pitched whine leaves his throat as he continues moving inside of you, he swallows, “I...I love you too.”

“Aaah... ahhh .” You’re so close at this point, the coiling in your stomach is about ready to snap, “I love you so much, I want your cum, please! ”

“I’ll give it to you, I...hah...I’ll fill you up...is that what you want?”

His hand slips down to your clit and you shriek , clenching hard around his cock, “Yes, yes, yes! I’m close...i'm so close…”

“I’m gonna...I...I…”

A moan rips through you as your climax finally hits, for the first time this day your mind is void of thoughts. All you can do is feel . Your fingers dig into the bedsheet under you, and your legs tighten around Komaeda’s waist. He writhes and moans above you, he just keeps going, harder and harder and harder, and then, with a heavy groan you feel him release inside of you.

“Thank...you…” you mutter, “thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you…”

Before Komaeda has a chance to say anything in return, someone clears their throat on the other side of the door. The two of you freeze.

“Are you two done?” Hinata asks, he sounds exasperated.

Komaeda clears his throat, “Um...yeah...pretty much.”

“His dick is literally still inside of me! Maybe give us a few minutes!” You wince at the blunt sentence that just left your mouth, Komaeda is clearly trying not to laugh, you huff “Sorry Hinata! I can't help it!”

This disease was going to be the death of you.

#komaeda x reader #nagito x reader #komaeda nagito x reader #my writing #danganronpa x reader #danganronpa fanfiction

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what-nani-ano · 2 years

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Hey, Jani.

Which do you prefer?

*hyperventilating*

O-OH MY GOSH-

AAAAA- UHH- I-IDIA

HDUAHDWUHDWL

I'M SQUEALING IRL DHUWAKHDAKWDK HUUUHHHHHH *cant breathe* MHHHHHHMMHMHMHMHHHHHHHHH

I WANNA HUG THE CUTE ONEEEE

BUT I ALSO WANNA GET TOWERED OVER BY THE- THE oTHER ONE AAAAAAAA

SCREW IT THE CUTE ONE HAS MY HEART TODAY 😭😭😭😭💗💗

why

you have opened a gate that has my Idia simping and brainrotting flooding out

*losing my mind* SERIOUSLY I JUST CRIED SAYING "PLEASE MARRY ME" IRL

#GET ME BOTH

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ecclais-fouoras · 3 years

Text

SOFTER ON THE INSIDE

"if you hurt me again, I swear I won't forgive you"

Previous one here

WARNING ⚠️: Slight violence, mention of abusive relationship and sexual violence.

Dinner time was around the corner, sometimes you and mina arrived at the table at the same time. Gaining looks from everyone else at the table, they had already been suspicious when they'd heard you make her laugh, to which she had replied that she was just laughing at how ridiculous you were.

People were really wondering what you had done to gain Ms Venable's clemency.

Wilhemina venable was a strong woman, she needed to keep her bitter and strong look in front of everyone else, even if she truly loved you, at times she had trouble trusting herself enough to let you help her and show you her true self. When the lights were down she'd let herself sweep in your love as you'd hold her in your arms, and spray kisses up and down her neck. You're love making was tender and passionate most of the time, you were still surprised at how well she could let you fuck her recklessly. Here moans filling your hears so nicely.

She had never known love before you, and she convinced herself she would never. But you showed her true adoration.

At dinner tonight everyone was sat down she entered the room and made a move to lower herself on the chair, but as she was bending down, a pain shot trough her back and she stepped outwards before stumbling. She fell on her ass and Everybody started laughing.

You immediately stood up to pick her up, leaning down to help and she flinched when your arms reached her shoulders. She lashed out suddenly at you. "AND WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING MS Y/L/N." She stood back up regained her scary posture, straightened up her back. The look in her eyes was unlike anything you'd ever seen, the mina you knew was far gone. With those eyes she could have killed you. You're hands reached up to hold her steady and you muttered.

"Mi..ms..venable....are you okay.."

Something flashed before her eyes and she raised her hand in the air and slapped your face. You stubbled and backed away into the corner of the room.

"Everybody out."

She ordered the other survivors and guards when they didn't move.

"Grey's too"

You were shaking badly and starting to hyperventilate. Head resting between your knees as you held your body in your hands protectively.

She tried to get on the floor next to you when she realized what she had done.

"Oh god. I'm sorry y/n" when you didn't reply she tried to place her hand in your hair, the movement in your shock state made you push her away.

"DON'T touch me !"

"Y/n.."

"I SAID DON'T TOUCH ME"

"IF YOU want to have it this way."

She got back on her feet and left the room.

The evening passed and you were able to calm down a bit. You're heart was still racing fast form the panic attack and you're palms were sweating.

Another grey came to you and tried to make you feel better. They talked to you and brought you some water.

When you had fully came back to your senses you got up.

The nauseated state you were still in made it hard for you to go back to your room but you still managed to make it.

You were definitely not expecting wilhemina to sit on the edge of your bed.

"What are you even doing here"

"Come on. You can't be mad at me for such a simple thing"

"Get out. I'm not in the mood. I'm too tired to fight with you"

She stood up and went to you.

"Y/n..."

"Seriously mina. Go back to your room, maybe some sleep will actually show you how much you fucked up"

"How does it feel to be such a touchy feely person"

"I'm not a "touchy feely" person you slapped me ! In front of everyone"

"I can't treat you any differently than anyone, they'll get suspicious..."

"I don't care. We are dating ! And the real problem isn't that you can't treat me different. It's that that's how you treat everyone else."

"You never had a problem with how I treated people, that's who I am."

"No. That's not "who" you are, that's how you act. Now get out" she let out a Laugh before trying to place her hand on your arm.

"Why are you making such a big deal out of this ?"

"Because I was trying to help you up and you hurt me ! For no reason ! I saw the look in your eyes Mina ! I saw what you are capable of."

"Is that really what you think of me ? Do you really believe I'm going to hurt you ?"

"I honestly don't know. And I can't take that chance so please leave"

"I..i don't understand...i thought..i thought you loved me ?"

"I do. But that has nothing to do with what you did"

"I don't understand... Slapping is nothing.."

"Slapping isn't nothing"

"My parents slapped me and I turned out just fine !'

"Yeah, that's why you're scared of being vulnerable, never show you're feelings, has a shit tone of self hatred. Seriously ? "

"I..I'm.."

"Yes slapping isn't the most violent act ever, bit it's usually the first one before them. I can't let you hurt me. I can't even take the chance."

"I...I would never hurt you again...I'm sorry I was just out of my mind... humiliated..I didn't know how to react anymore..."

"I know. And I'm sorry for that, I truly am."

" I never thought you'd react so badly"

"That's the thing, you don't know what people might feel when you hurt them. Some of us have trauma, some of us have complex and singular PTSD, some of us can't bear being yelled at, some of us have spent our lives being degraded by people we loved, you can't just go around treating people like shit."

"I...know..I'm just..."

"Trying to protect yourself I know, but you don't need to anymore, I'm here, I'm not going anywhere unless you hurt me ever again, and I love you"

"I'm sorry."

"I know you are, you should be"

"I really am, that's why I came here, I feel terrible about it. I should have never raise a hand on you" she didn't know all of your past, of course you had talked about it a bit, but you left the hardest parts away, she didn't know about the tremendous amount of times where she had apologized to you like this after hurting you, you swore to your life you'd never fall for that again, and here you were forgiving her, you needed to make things clear, wilhemina had her own demons, but sharing them would make them easier to fight. Together.

So, you took you're clothes of and went to bed, signaling her that she could do the same. Your gaze following her silhouette across the room while her hand ran through her hair, and the other one adjusted her nightgown.

You both laid facing each other, mina's apologetic Look piercing your skin and you battling away when was the right moment to speak. Her hand found your cheek where she'd hit you, her delicate fingers caressing you as if to say, 'you are safe, I made a mistake and I'm deeply sorry, but I love you still'. You took a deep breath and started

"..I reacted badly because...I've been there before. I've let it happen once, what's to say it's not gonna happen again. Here. Where I don't have anywhere else to run to. I can't let that happen again, it hurt to much then. It took me years to build myself back up, years of medication, therapy, and it had taken me years before that to build me again. I've been shattered to many times, I've had people break me for fun, for love, for traditions for family to many times before."

She listened in silence a single tear leaving her eye as she tried to sniff quietly.

"There was the person I called my best friend, there was my biological father, there were my other relatives. They all hurt me by using my body for their own pleasure, some more violently, but in the end Sharon was the only one who apologized, she was the only that I loved and the only one who claimed to love me back. In the end she ended up with her hands around my throat and my blood on her clothes in front of my son."

Her hand found my neck while she tried to bring me, or was it herself, some comfort.

"And I need you to promise me that you will never ever do anything like what you did to me today, I don't care if they know, my safety should be more important than hiding our relationship."

"I know...I'm sorry for what I did today, I love you so much" she said while crying sofly.

"And I love you too mina baby"

You said cupping her face and kissing her lips gently.

"Now we should sleep it's late and I'm exhausted."

You both laid in each others arms, the live you had for each other was enough to heal the bleeding wounds that you both wore on your heart.

A/n sorry for the delay I'm very very very very busy

#sarah paulson fanfiction #wilhemina venable x reader #wilhelmina venable #soft!mina #sarah paulson characters #wilhemina venable #ms venable

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