#i'm so sorry it's way too long for something so irrelevent considering all the recent events

[posletsvet]

Thoughts on Geto Suguru's Psychology Pre-Defection

There's something that I've been meaning to talk about for a while now, and that is Geto's apparent tendency to conceal his negative impulses that allows for, in my view, faulty interpretations stating that he was faking his righteous beliefs all along just because assuming high moral ground gave him a sense of superiority and fed his ego. Meanwhile I would argue that, on contrary, this habit is more indicative of Geto's insecurities and heightened sense of self-awareness.

My thoughts on this underneath the cut, but beware: it's going to be long!

To begin with, I think there are two major factors playing into the misconception that I mentioned. The first one boils down to prejudice forcing people to look upon younger Geto through the lense of a person he would go on to become. The kind of cautious logic that says that a deeply empathetic, caring highschooler couldn't have turned into a murderous cult leader preaching the merits of genocide, and thus seeks ways to dehumanize him from the very beginning (because that's a terrible concept to wrap your mind around, I agree). And the second factor being... well, that Suguru's behaviour really does come off as fake at times.

We experience 'negative' emotions as naturally as 'positive' ones, and despite some of them are conventionally accepted as 'good' whereas others are painted as 'bad', no emotion is inherently harmful or invalid; they all are a part of what makes us human. While it's undoubtedly a chilly and ominous concept for someone to be completely devoid of any positive traits, just as unnatural it is to display positive responses only. Perfection is stored away at museums, no living breathing human being can go through their life without being affected by negative impulses or thinking. But more often than not negative emotions are condemned and stigmatized (in the end, we still refer to them as 'negative'), and self-consciousness can make one ashamed or guilty of experiencing them. The end result of this would be trying to hide your feelings under one more appealing appearance, creating a warp between what's intuitive and what's manifest, an inadequate emotional response.

Gojo (at least in his teenage years) is widely outspoken and doesn't hesitate to outwardly express himself, whether verbally or via body language. It probably takes root in Gojo's upbringing: he was spoilt rotten, revered for being born with a silver spoon in his mouth, his every whim indulged and tended to. There simply wasn't any need for him to try and make a good impression by faking docility and emotions that are more pleasant and easier to digest. Gojo may be boisterous and bratty and obnoxious, but he isn't trying to 'trick' anyone into thinking he's better than he really is, and this paints a more sincere, believable picture to the audience.

On the other hand, Geto's emotions, partly due to his more solemn demeanour, are often toned down or consciously concealed. For instance, when Riko manages to strike a nerve in him, his response is to immediately plaster on mawkish 'customer service' smile to not give away his annoyance. This scene is especially interesting to me because of how Amanai's reaction gives voice to the audience's concerns. Referring to Suguru, she says, 'You look like a liar!' -- and by doing so calls him out on his tendency to mask negative emotions. Intuitively, she can still read his feelings in his body language, in the delay in his expression rearranging itself into a smile, and so can the viewer. We know he's annoyed, and his words about having no intention to harm Riko don't exactly align with how he behaves (even if in a playful manner) a moment after saying them. It creates a tangible contradiction between what he says his intentions are and what his actions speak of, between the appearances and what lies behind them. And this contradiction raises suspicion, in a way that if somebody's making an effort to hide something, then there must be something to hide.

In retrospect this doubt might seem reinforced and justified. I see how it's easy to fall into thinking that Geto, having become a criminal who's done unspeakably cruel things and who backs up his delusional ideals with bigoted reasoning, should've been hiding darker parts of himself behind all those fake smiles and talks about righteousness. But pinning the blame on Geto alone by claiming that he had violent tendencies to begin with is essentially disregarding systematic issues that the story strives so much to convey to the audience. Holding innate individual qualities accountable for the catastrophe is basically the sort of thinking that the higher-ups display, whose main strategy for dealing with problems is public scapegoating and disposing of every single threat to the current order by giving out one death sentence after the other. I don't think we as the viewers are supposed to reach the conclusion that Suguru is at fault for what happened, which is not to say he's faultless, nonetheless the narrative goes to great lengths to make us sympathize with him, not the other way around.

Now, there's really a handful of ways in which Geto's character seems to contradict himself. He shares overspilling empathy for the people around him, that is his character's core trait, but that very empathy spells out his downfall when it degrades into resentment and hate. He displays a largely considerate and sympathetic demeanour, but he's first introduced to the audience as someone who backhandedly bad-mouths Utahime for being weak. He's one half of the strongest duo, but whereas Gojo is a natural-born genius, Geto evidently struggles with his powers. His entire career as a curse user is based on the mentality which justifies the means to an end, but reaching the end goal is impossible for him as he is, Geto himself as much as admits to it during his last conversation with Satoru. He sets on his wild-goose chase for power, but ends up stagnating to the point where his use of Curse Manipulation in the Hidden Inventory Arc is much more inventive and creative than in Jujutsu Kaisen 0. The list goes on, but you got the gist.

To live for the purpose of being yourself. And for that goal, Geto could only continue to pursue his twisted dream, drowning himself in a curse that lies in the gap between ideal and reality.

I believe this to be such a poignant phrase when it comes to Geto's characterization because of how well, in my view, it encapsulates the conflict of his character -- or, if you will, the contradiction of it. It succinctly expresses his outlook on things, where he views the world how it's ideally supposed to be rather than how it realistically is. I've actually somewhat already elaborated on this in my very first rambling on here:

To me, Geto seems to be a type of person who needs something to guide him, some clear-cut ideal to make it possible for him to navigate through his life. He is pedantic in that sense: the sharp outlines of his views define his surroundings, the very way he looks at things and perceives them. He needs everything to fall precisely in line with his own set of ideals, which seems to be quite verified and well-adjusted within his mind, like a strict and refined concept he constructed for himself, like a routine he's used to following out of pure principal. His own belief system being so defined, it's that which makes him indulge in excessive discourse on the subject of morality and responsibility, like he's patiently laying out the basics in front of a disobedient child to help them wrap their mind around some fundamental truth that is so obvious and natural for him.

In a way, Geto concealing his negative emotions is not a false front put up against scrutinizing looks that could reveal his 'true nature'. Quite the opposite, I think it speaks more of his well-meaning intentions. When trying to change the way things are, start at yourself, and I guess this is the principle Geto's trying to apply here. By following through his own ideal, Geto does his best to be an upright person he believes himself obliged to be, whether that means forcing himself to absorb curses or putting on a customary smile. It might be juvenile and wishful thinking on his part, probably akin to 'fake it till you make it', but it's important to keep in mind that at that time he was still but a teenager. Moreover, he was put on par with somebody as praised within jujutsu society as Gojo, he must've felt on top of the world, too entranced by their warm spring of youth to care too much about the occasional slips. With Satoru by his side, I imagine Geto could afford to cut some slack and participate in the mischief. Later we see post-defection Geto drop his frivolous facade only when he's entirely alone -- another hint at how Gojo was really the only person Suguru allowed himself to confide in, that is untill the SPVI put uncrossable distance between them.

While I do say that Geto's intentions are well-meaning, the way he positions himself actually reveals some quite problematic aspects of his mindset. Namely, his attitude towards non-sorcerers, whom he clearly sets into a different category from himself and his fellow sorcerers. Regular people lack crucial understanding, they are weak because they are helpless, therefore they have to be shielded from the source of harm. This is a largely patronizing concept of empathy, since it's based on the notion that the 'weak' are inherently inferior to Geto himself and others involved in jujutsu society. It's interesting how it's reflected in Geto's insistence on the necessity of curtains. The use of curtains furthers the extent of non-sorcerers' ignorance, they never learn how to stay out of harm's way as they are deprived even of as much as their perception of the existing danger. It reminds me of how a parent would brush a child's concerns aside because they're too young and naive and do not need to be aware of adult life's hardships. Just like Geto's paternalistic outlook, it does not come from malice or negligence, it's just an attempt to keep someone less experienced and skilled safe. Nonetheless it's harmful as it puts that person in a position which denies them agency.

In my view, Suguru's fake smiles are an extension of his acute sense of responsibility. In front of those over whom he assumes responsibility, he presents himself as calm, collected and dependable as if it's supposed to reassure them. It's his job to protect them and make them feel safe, so there's no need showing them his own struggle. Even if such thinking is condescending, it's not in any way malicious. Geto's entire character arc would be simply non-existent if he wasn't completely genuine in his sentiments.

So why do I talk about Geto's insecurities when first introducing the topic of this post? Well, I'm about to take a deep dive into the field of speculation and theories and finally get to the point why I'm writing all this in the first place (took me long enough, lmao). There's also a reason why I brought up Gojo's upbringing when talking about his personality and how it contrasts Geto's. You see, like Satoru's way of dealing with his emotions can be linked to his childhood experience, Suguru's behaviour might also give us some clues about the circumstances he grew up in.

The more I look into it, the more convinced I become that Geto was in one way or another exposed to emotional trauma in his childhood. Remember when I mentioned inadequate emotional responses? While being one, smiling in reaction to stress may act as a defense mechanism of sorts, shielding the person from the chronic nature of the unpleasant experience. It also may serve as a way to avoid alienation by others who are not privy to the source of your distress or are not comfortable with it. Affiliative smiles are motivated by social factors, it's a tool used to create and maintain social connections. Human beings are hardwired to connect with others, feeling alienated by the people around us causes us great pain.

The thing us, we must assume that Geto is relatively new to the jujutsu world in the flashback arc. Given his non-sorcerer background, chances are he was the only one in his immediate surroundings with the ability to see and exterminate curses. There couldn't have been a way for him to confide in someone with his concerns and fears born from interacting with something only he could see. So I assume that eventually that resulted in Suguru developing an unhealthy habit of masking his emotions before the ones he cared about. And as over time he grew more aware of his abilities and got a grasp on how his CT works, I imagine Geto committed to exorcising curses in order to protect ordinary people from them -- all by himself. This, in turn, must have solidified that conception in Suguru's head which ultimately othered him from the people around him and put them in a position inferior to him since they were the ones depending on him and his powers.

As Geto should've mostly kept to himself, I also see how he might have grown heavily reliant on his analytical mind. Overthinking is a habit developed early on in life as a way to wade through feeling uncertain or unsafe. It's an attempt to make sense of confusing reality by applying an analytical lense to it and compartmentalizing it into neat, easily understandable categories. And also a way to regain sense of self when you find yourself in a situation you otherwhise have little to no control over. And while over-analyzing can create a sense of security, it may also interfere with a person's emotional responses. I guess it's something that could be applied to Geto, too, because for such a self-reflective character he always struck me as someone with oddly little regard of his own feelings.

As a side note, I like how Geto's tendency to over-analyze things is shown in that one scene when Yaga's briefing him and Gojo on the upcoming mission. Suguru's clearly presented as someone who's very mindful of how the world around him works. Understanding helps him assign meaning to different aspects of life, and he relies upon it heavily. Also, as someone who's been uprooted from his former society and introduced instead to an entirely different world, I guess it's important for Geto to fit in. Him being highly knowledgeable about such essential details is, in my view, indicative of such effort on his part. Whereas Satoru simply does not care about such details, the reality makes sense to him as it is as he was born perfectly fit into it.

Last but not least, Geto's infamously guilty of a dichotomous, or black-and-white, outlook on things. This is the all-or-nothing mentality that leaves little to no room for nuance and does not allow two opposite statements to be true at once. It's a common cognitive distortion that manifests immature thought; a rigid mindset more often than not bordering on extreme. Meanwhile the very foundation of Geto's downfall is the inability to adapt to the complicated reality which doesn't align perfectly with his idealistic vision. He ultimately failed to wrap his head around the world with grey areas, his black-and-white thinking thinking prevented him from doing so.

The development of such maladaptive personality traits has been repeatedly linked to the effects of childhood trauma. If the environment which a person grew up in was traumatic and chaotic, black-and-white thinking might have given them a sense of control through rationalization. That's why a mentality which doesn't allow for nuance and doesn't reflect life in its intricate complexity comes off as childishly simplistic. Seeing the world in all-or-nothing terms in some way means reverting to your inner child. And this is actually something that Shoko accuses Geto of during their brief conversation in Shinjuku. In his thinking Geto doesn't grow past his traumatic experience, whether it was his parents actively abusing his abilities for their own gain or the ache of being alienated at such an early age.

If the nature of Geto's relationship with his parents was abusive, it would also explain his altruism. Suguru goes out of his way to express his concern for well-being of those around him, and he does genuinely care, but all the while it could be a way for him to tend to his own unsatisfied needs by helping others. He seems to be highly attuned to others through his empathy, but also somewhat has trouble advocating for himself, resulting in harmful patterns of self-sacrifice or self-neglect.

It's true, there is a lot of contradictions housed within Geto's character, which are evident in his mindset and his actions. But I don't believe this to be due to sloppy writing, on contrary -- it's the kind of writing that speaks through detail and nuance and invites the reader to ponder why is this or that character the way they are.

#jjk #jujutsu kaisen #jjk analysis #jjk meta #geto suguru #gojo satoru #might as well tag him #i'm so sorry it's way too long for something so irrelevent considering all the recent events #and it probably needs proper structuring #i guess i'll edit it some time eventually #maybe

[talkfantasytome]

Going to delete ask posts that directly linked other people's posts, based on this feedback and suggestion (which I thoroughly appreciate!), as I'm not trying to point fingers at anyone or directly tell a specific person they're wrong. I'll repost the general content, with a summary of what was asked, starting with this post.

Anon Ask: Some people are saying that SJM has confirmed Vassien by saying that she'd like to do retellings of firebird legends, swan lake, and Vasilisa the Beautiful, using some shots of her comments. What are your thoughts on this? And the time on facebook that Sarah said E\ain and Lucien have a lot of "tension, growth, and healing to be found (together)".

The most important thing to consider here is timeline. Both of the twitter shown were made in April of 2015. The first one is, honestly, fairly irrelevant. First of all, she's just saying fairy tales she might like to retell. And, for the record, she has also said she'd like to do a retelling of The Little Mermaid, yet often people disregard that as an argument for Gwynriel. So, either her comments on what she'd like to do a retelling of matter, or they don't.

And, if they're saying that those comments are foreshadowing a Vassa + Lucien book, then clearly The Little Mermaid comments are foreshadowing a Gwynriel book. And then...where's E\ain's?

E\ain is getting a book, so which fairy tale gets the short straw?

Or, maybe, the story won't be exactly like the fairy tale.

I do think that both of those comments are important, but Sarah said she wants to do a retelling.

That could literally mean anything. All that tells us is that she will take themes and ideas from the story. I'm not saying Vassa won't be important in a later book, but Sarah can retell the story any way. She could have Vassa betray E\ain, get Koschei to transfer the curse over to the middle Archeron, and now E\ain is the swan on the lake (cause, come on, E\ain's def. a bit swan-like), and Lucien has to rescue her. Or, maybe Jurian is the one that rescues Vassa while Lucien and E\ain deal with Koschei?

There are so many options in a retelling that to say SJM telling us she wants to do a retelling of these stories is a clear sign that Vassa + Lucien are endgame is, honestly, not a very critical analysis.

I'm going to address this tweet next:

This twitter exchange happed April 30, 2015. ACOMAF was published in May of 2016. This post can not be used as foreshadowing of Vassa + Lucien, because it happened before we found out E\ain and Lucien are mates. That "at some point further down the road" literally means "any time after book 1".

People keep using this tweet and presenting it as if Sarah's response came recently. They're spreading misinformation - it may not be purposeful, they may not have seen or noticed the date, but this twitter exchange can't be used as proof that Lucien's person has to be someone other than E\ain, because when it was made we did not know about the Lucien and E\ain possibility.

That doesn't mean it definitely is talking about E\ain, but my point is that this is not proof of Vassa + Lucien, of someone else + Lucien, because of when it was posted.

As for other comments on retellings Sarah would like to do - it's the same argument as the first one. Sarah said she wants to do a retelling of the firebird and swan like. We all know this. It's not new information. People who are saying Vassa + Lucien won't happen aren't ignorant of this fact. We're well aware, and we're also well aware of every other thing Sarah has said, mentioned, foreshadowed, and we're tying it all together. Focusing solely on stories Sarah has mentioned she'd like to retell - not confirmed she will retell - and ignoring everything else doesn't provide a solid analysis. You have to weave how those stories would fit into the grander scheme, and look at the other surrounding factors as well.

And, again, we need to remember that Sarah can do whatever the hell she wants in terms of the story and how she chooses to retell a fairy tale. I mean, how often is Little Red Riding Hood turned into a werewolf story? And sometimes even Red is the wolf?

Writers use fairy tales as a base, a foundation, but then they make it their own. No writer is going to tell the fairy tale exactly how it first was. They're going to adjust it...a lot...to make it their own story.

I'd also like to point out that both times she mentions Vasilisa, she says "Vasilisa the Beautiful". The first time she also said 'the Brave', but the second, solely 'Beautiful'. Vassa is beautiful, of course, but one of E\ain's defining characteristics is her beauty. Even in ACOSF it was again mentioned, discussed, about how her beauty made others hate her.

Could Vassa be Vasilisa...of course. However, I think people are a bit blinded by the similarities in names. Remember, Vasilisa the Beautiful wasn't the firebird - those are different stories. And, honestly, after doing a bit of research into the tale, I'm starting to get more and more sure of the thought that the character who would portray Vasilisa is E\ain.

I think I'm going to do a post on it...

In the later comment on retellings she'd like to do - which we know came after the first as the first came out in August 2015 and that story she's telling was given after the second set of books was confirmed - I also find it interesting that she said Vasilisa the Beautiful (specifically) and Swan Lake, subbing out the firebird.

Why would she do that? Perhaps because she's already brought in the firebird pieces she planned to bring in. We already know that retelling, and how it's come to play. Vassa is a firebird by the curse.

I'm not saying it couldn't end in a Swan Lake thing, as that is what the curse reminds me of. But, personally, I think the fact that she's saying Swan Lake now is also symbolic of something more, possibly another character getting trapped by Koschei.

As for the other piece you asked about, I don't have much to say about it, because it feels like the closest we'll come to an elucien confirmation.

That was also posted a while ago, back when ACOMAF came out. So, it's not like this is recent information Sarah is providing us. However, we know that Sarah can sometimes end up choosing endgame based on gut and things that just hit her. Cassian and Nesta - literally didn't know about them until she wrote them on the same page and was like "oh shit". So Sarah saying that she and Lucien didn't see E\ain coming...I'm sorry, but that feels almost more telling than even the next part of the sentence - where she says they have growing and healing to do together.

That's so huge. And we haven't seen that yet. We've only really seen the tension.

Sarah said this back when ACOMAF came out. And it was around writing or publishing ACOWAR that she got the okay for the second set of books (I think?). Which means she was likely thinking about the longer-term stories before that. Which would explain why we didn't get that growth and healing in ACOWAR.

Instead, she left them in a spot where it seemed like a possibility, and then for the later books has just added more tension. But that journey is still there. She's had it planned for so long. And yes, maybe she could change her mind, but we only know of two cases where she did just that:

Az and Mor

Nesta and Lucien

For Az and Mor it was because she decided to make Mor bisexual and unable to be in an emotional relationship with a male. This was due to complaints over diversity. It's the closest Sarah's probably come to 'fanservice' - except, admittedly, this is so not fanservice. Fanservice is doing something like, say, having Voldemort and Bellatrix have a secret love child despite the fact that Voldy never once came off as having any form of romantic or sexual feelings for her or anyone, ever. (Seriously, that guy was asexual and that is a hill I'll die on.)

Adjusting a character due to legitimate complaints and concerns on diversity, not just fanservice. It's more a full on social service, really, to try and provide that representation better. Yes, it wasn't done in the best way, but she did make an attempt.

The second one - Nesta and Lucien. That was her general plan, until she put Nesta and Cassian on page together. Then it all went out the window. Just like all of Nesta's thoughts when she saw Cassian. Just like Cassian's entire brain when he saw Nesta. 👀

And we get it, because we see it too.

So, while Sarah could have changed her mind about E\ain and Lucien, the only reasons she'd do that don't yet apply. She's already made a change for the diversity complaints, and I don't see her doing that with these two. As for finding out they actually belong with someone else when she sees them on page - well, that hasn't happened yet. She made the E\ain + Lucien decision after we see E\ain and Azriel interact, so clearly Az is not that for E\ain. And we've seen Lucien and Vassa on page together. There's nothing there except Lucien being pained about her curse - which, yeah, she's his friend. How often is one IC member described as looking pained for another? Or thinks about how much it hurt them to see their friend hurt?

But we know what it looks like when the chemistry is so undeniable it will adjust Sarah's plans. And if you're not sure - go back and read all the Nessian scenes in ACOMAF. And then see the one scene where Lucien and Vassa are on page together - I think you'll find there's another male there that, with Vassa, rings closer to the Nessian home.

There was no on page chemistry between Vassa and Lucien, and certainly not enough to change Sarah's mind. Which would also mean E\ain already wasn't meant for Az, which is likely why no one arguing for Vassa + Lucien seems to care as much about that, because most people who ship them are already dead set on E\ain + Azriel.

So, there you have it, my point of view/rant on those two pieces. But it's always important to look at the context of a post, and especially the "source material" people use to provide proof. It's why I tend to stick to the text where I can, and only use SJM statements that don't have an expiration date to their importance. SJM saying something about how she loves happily ever afters, for example, no expiration date. SJM telling us in 2015 that there is someone special for Lucien down the road - an expiration date after the first sign of a possible love interest for Lucien. Once E\ain was declared to be his mate, that statement became irrelevant, because regardless of whether it will be E\ain or not, you can no longer state that it's clearly hinting at someone else, since E\ain is a love interest for Lucien.

#ask box #acotar #acotar thoughts #acotar theory #elucien #antielriel #anti elriel #anti vassien #elain archeron #elain and lucien #elain x lucien #lucien vanserra #gwynriel

[justrandomselfships]

Little steps- my self insert Fic (S/I POV) with a bunch of silly illustrations! Oh did I mention that this involves Kaeya? Well he's the main focus here even though Lisa is mentioned shit ton of times! Might write something for her focus too someday.

I finished it ages ago but I was afraid to post it- I'm not anymore and also✨ it's my birthday ✨

~~

Ever since I joined the knights I decided to write in a diary, it helped me keep track of time. Lisa told me that it can help me in various ways, like for example remembering names of the other knights, or checking my personal progress. Now that I think about it, it was long since I checked my old entries. Nothing interesting happened today anyway so I might as well read some. I don't really remember anything that was going on when I started so I suppose I could refresh my memory.

Today Lisa wanted to introduce me to someone- she probably wanted to help me by looking for training partner for me, however I had to refuse. You probably remember why was that, I got scared of meeting someone new again. I couldn't get that mess on her shoulders when she has so much to do as it is! And there was no way I'd meet them alone it'd be too akward for both of us!

I remember the exact moment I tried to come up with an excuse for future me... It kinda made me giggle how stupid I am sometimes, but let's look at something else...

I've never felt as lonely as I do now, I don’t even know why. I don’t miss anyone nor I ever craved any interactions... But to make that feeling go away I thought about talking to Amber but when I left the house she was talking to Noelle and I got scared to approach them... Instead I decided to sketch something and stay inside for the rest of the day.

I immediately looked at my sketchbook, I don't even have to look inside, I was drawing what's outside my window like always. Maybe I'll find some better memory if I keep looking?

During my patrol I got a bit lost... It was scary... But I wasn't alone, an Adventurer found me... However he got lost too. It was a bit unlucky day since I picked the wrong maps, we also got attacked a few times by monsters. I kinda feel bad for him since he tried his best to cheer me up but I stayed silent. It should've been other way around a knight shouldn't le

Bennett! How could I forget his name when I was writing this? He was such a sweetheart I obviously had to mess it up and make him feel uncomfortable... But I did make up for it! Maybe I'll finally read something positive? I somehow can't remember how exactly that went... Or if I was daydreaming about apologizing?

I decided to bake something for Bennett as thank you and apology for acting so cold towards him. But I had no idea on how to find him... Or what to say... So after thinking for few minutes I decided to talk to Katherine and ask her to give it to him. After "talking" to her I locked myself in my room out of embarrassment, I messed up again. I just said "Bennett" placed my pastries and left. Now I probably won't be able to face her for at LEAST two months.

I cringe at the memory... Gosh now this will keep me up at night for sure... I finally forgot about it and now it'll haunt me.

Wait a second... Did I really not made any progress at all!? I was trying so hard to socialize with others and get out more but I seem to still not be able to do it right. No, it's impossible. I'm good friends with Lisa! So I definitely made any progress... Or is she just so easy to talk to? Time to take a final look at something recent for a change...

Capitan Kaeya Alberich wanted to talk to me outside work... It might not sound like a big deal but somehow I just froze... I wasn't able to respond properly and he probably guessed what I was going to say, not that he ever can't do that... I might be too predictable. Either way I feel bad, my behavior was really disrespectful and I knew better than that to just ignore someone like him. I still have much to learn and I'll need to properly apologize for staying silent.

I only ever failed... There is no mistaking it. Great way to note down progress huh? Too bad there is none.

Think, what do I need to do to finally do better? I am the problem for sure but what do I really need to change? Maybe I should just start observing how others act... After all I never bothered to do that. It might help in one way or another...

Obviously there's only one place where there is a lot of people and I won't look like a total creep if I'll just listen in the conversations and look at random people... It's no other than the tavern. I'm scared to go there alone... But I don't have to!

Lisa would be willing to go right?... Then again I rely on her a bit too much and going out like this could be an opportunity to break the ice with someone else...

Jean is always busy, Amber will be way too distracting and we might end up somewhere else, Eula is too scary, Venti... I don't even know why I'm considering him.

Maybe that offer from capitan Kaeya still stands? It's from bearly 2 weeks ago so maybe if I get lucky and he happens to still be interested, I can actually go...

What am I even thinking!? I didn't even apologize for the last time... But being around so many drunk people is terrifying... However I can't bet on the fact that he won't drink too much... On the other hand he seems to handle people and I'll definitely learn something.

Screw it. It might be scary but I need to do it. Tomorrow I'll ask him! That's for sure! He's the most respectable and trustworthy person who isn't always busy and will not distract me.

~⏳

I'm scared to do it but I have to! I need to... Did I really say that I'm gonna do it today? Or should I just pretend that I never thought of it. He's probably busy today. Yup definitely that no need to feel stressed.

I haven't seen him back at the headquarters nor did I see him around town when I was coming back from my patrol- that's a good sign. It's still pretty early but I don't think that I'll see him today... What a relief!

Before I left the headquarters after finishing some paperwork I hear a voice that belongs to a beautiful librarian I am lucky to be able to call a friend.

"Hey there cutie, are you okay?"

"Just a little bit nervous that's all, nothing new haha"

"Do you need me to pass a message again?"

"No need! It's something I need to say myself..."

"I see..."

"But if you happen to see capitan Kaeya it would be nice if you could tell him that I was looking for him" out of habit I grab my hair and begin to play with it. Lisa's warm soothing voice blessed my ears as she said "No worries darling, I'll let him know" before she left and giggled to herself...

Wait... Oh no.

Why did I say anything!? Is she that magical that I can't say anything but what's on my mind.

If she happens to meet him my request will be unavoidable! Even if I tried thinking of something else Kaeya will know that I'm lying. I can't avoid him either... Can't waste his precious time...

How do I even ask him!? Do I need to change from my work clothes before I go? What should I do...

I didn't realize that I started walking in circles before someone approached me.

"Heather?"

I turn around and see the man I was thinking about all day. Dammit... I have to say it. I can't think of an excuse and staying silent is now unacceptable.

"Oh-uhm... Greetings Capitan Kaeya"

"Lisa informed me that you were looking for me"

"Oh right!... That... Haha..."

"I don't want to rush you, however I do have some business to attend to"

"I'm so sorry! I mean- since you're busy then my silly request is irrelevant"

"Come now, I believe that I should be the judge of that" his smug look made it ever so slightly more challenging to say anything.

"I just... Ugh..." I took a deep breath "Look as you know I was trying to loosen up recently and well I realized that I wasn't making any progress at all. So I remembered that one time you asked me to go to the tavern with you and I refused... I mean ignored you, which I am VERY sorry about but now I think that it was a mistake and today I wanted to ask you to accompany me but since you're busy let's just forget about everything" I felt relieved getting that off my chest.

"I don't think that will do, in fact I was heading towards the tavern so if you really want to I suppose you can join me" Oh right... I forgot about him gathering some information there from time to time. So it might work after all! He won't pay too much attention to me and I could investigate without tons of distractions.

"Let's get going then capitan" I say before he smiles softly in response "Wait do you want to get going now or-"

"Yes" he cut me off, which was fair and I'm glad he did it before I said something dumb.

We're almost there. Before we get closer I suddenly stop.

"That reminds me!" I realized I spoke out loud, as he looked at my direction my confidence dropped dead "I've never actually tried any alcohol so would you be so kind to recommend something for me? I figured that since I'm already getting out of my comfort zone might as well try something new" I said under my breath but he definitely understood what I meant judging by his facial expression and well... response.

"Absolutely" my heart skipped a beat. I desperately tried to start a conversation topic... But choosing alcohol might be something I'll regret...

Kaeya started listing few drinks I could enjoy his words were poetic as he described the beverages, however the names of the drinks went over my head. It wasn't that bad but I just felt stupid over how clueless I was. He definitely knew what he was talking about and I'm more than interested in hearing more. The more he talks the less likely I am to say something I'll regret.

"Obviously since I don't know how much you can handle I won't be forcing you to try too much too soon" he paused "Your father probably wouldn't be happy either if you returned drunk" he said teasingly. It invited me to respond less seriously.

"Oh no! This means that we'll have to do it again, how awful"

"We didn't enter yet so you can feel free to leave now before you regret spending time with me of all people" his voice was now suddenly much more hostile... Did I mess it up!?

He laughed softly "I'm sorry did I go too far? While I don't want to force you to do anything, I won't lie... I'm a bit curious to learn something new about you tonight"

We were still outside standing right in front of the entrance to the tavern if not for chatting we could hear from the inside there would be total silence.

"I'm sorry for being quiet again! It's just that you caught me off guard haha" I look away "There isn't much to know about me so I feel like I'll only disappoint you"

"I'm not so sure about that part"

"Wait... Did my father tell you anything about me!?"

"Look let's just get inside, We'll discuss it later"

Nervously I followed him yet again. The atmosphere was warm and I could see different kinds of people all over the place. We sit down.

"So did he tell you anything?" I ask immediately.

"Relax, he didn't" he seemed amused by my desperation to know. It's understandable... And I'm probably overreacting anyway. I collect my thoughts "I'm sorry"

"What are you sorry for?"

"I'm just making this into some big deal for no reason. Maybe the reason is the huge amount of respect I have for you that makes me freak out"

"I see, well I don't see the reason to be so formal now. We aren't working after all" his soft smile was enough for me to calm down.

"Thank you" Maybe it was all I needed to hear, after that everything went smoothly.

I start feeling proud of myself... Maybe I can change after all? Either way it only shows that I have to write it down! And once I was back home I did just that.

Today I had enough courage to take a step in right direction! I went to a tavern with capitan Kaeya. It was fun and for the first time in years I wasn't that scared. It wasn't totally perfect but it was definitely worth it.

#❄️ frozen in tide 🌊 #selfship #self insert #oc x cannon #self ship #my self insert #self shipping #my f/o #kinda self ship related #my self ship #kaeya x oc

[witchcraftingboop]

Further Insight on Briar's Recent Discourse & Prim's Apparent Grooming of Younger, Newer Witches

It was suggested to me that instead of making one long post (which I was genuinely sorry for creating in the moment as well), that I should offer the second half in a separate one so that it is easier to share and harder to simply ignore as a wall of text.

Here is the link to the first half of the current JBird and Briar discourse floating around. I highly encourage everyone involved in the Witchblr community to review both posts and not just this final addition. 

Regarding Prim stirring the pot, I actually do have proof of that on my page somewhere if you wouldn't mind my sending it to you? The person I reblogged it from, Mahi, also received death threats from Prim when they were only 16 and Prim was 20 (I can't ask him to share that though because Prim has since used her following to drive him off of Tumblr and he's still fairly [and justifiably] sensitive about it.)

Regarding Briar's statements more specifically though, I can see where the confusion is coming from. After the "in France" part, she's just defining a relevant term (hence the use of "irrelevant details) and then giving an explanation of how she came to be so knowledgeable about that term/concept. I wouldn't say she's calling Prim's activism an "irrelevant detail," but pointing out how Prim uses it as a shield against backlash whenever another blog (not just tradcrafters) calls out her platform. I don't expect you to fully understand or see what I mean when I say that, of course. Because you are still new, and these are habits I've observed of hers from nearly a year of following their interactions. I would, however, like to point out that Briar doesn't say anything racist about Prim and does not once bring up her race. In fact, I think if you read her entire post and not just point 3 as Prim has it cropped out in all of her mentions of it, you would see more fully the depth and amount of frustration Briar is trying to express. Similarly, Briar never threatened to dox Prim. She has, in fact, repeatedly tried to point out that Prim should be protecting her online information and be more aware of how to stop others from finding out about her private life/situation. These statements, however, have since been warped by Prim and her followers to come off as a threat on her life. Briar's statements above aren't a threat of doxxing. She's never once posted Prim's personal information or told others to find it or use it in any way. She has, however, searched for Taglocks on Prim, something witches especially are known to look for. In that search she found more than she was even looking for, despite trying to tell Prim repeatedly to stop being so open online with the information she posts about herself. Doxxing though is not racist. It is something used by them, sure, but it is not inherently racist.

Additionally, Prim has raised money, sure, but I still have not seen any actual receipts as to her *actually* donating it to any public or private organizations. This, for me, is highly suspect. In reality, we still have no idea where that money is. Whereas with Briar, she took no money in for a couple days on her readings and instead merely asked that those requesting a reading first submit proof of donation to an organization linked in the post. She raised substantial money for the BLM movement, but no one seems to want to bring that up in all of their "she's a racist" discourse. Also, the observation that someone is misleading or gaslighting their following is not racist. Just because she said Prim was recently using her BLM reblogs & promotions to do it *this time* still does not make it racist. Questionable wording is just something the reader disagrees with, in my opinion, and should be addressed as such.

I'm not going to lie, I do feel a little frustrated at this point. I was really hoping to come to you and see that you had concrete proof to offer that Briar is a racist. I do understand that you have your own reasons for feeding into the assumptions and twisted outlooks already taken on Briar's words, but I don't have enough energy in me to fully swallow my tongue on this one. I really do hope that you at least consider what I've said here. I'm not sure what I can say at this point because all of the information I've read from you thus far has been purely conjecture or assumptions or just "not feeling right" about the wordings on a single post. A racist, from my perspective, is not something I would ever feel comfortable calling someone off of this lack of evidence.

I understand it is hard to separate preconceived notions from your mind when reading through the words of others, but I really do miss when you were more open to the words of others. If I could ask one thing of you, it'd be to please try to read Briar's post again but from the perspective of seeing it how it was meant to be: a witch who has been on the butt end of Prim's harassment for going on three years now. She is tired of the wild accusations and constantly having to defend herself, and even when she supplied her proof a couple years ago, no one wanted to hear her. She has, largely, given up on being heard, and now screams into what feels like a void when attacked.

Proof of Prim stirring the pot that I offered: An example of Prim actively seeking out the community and trying to stir the pot with an already dealt with situation that had passed over a year ago.

A direct source that I offered as further proof of what has occurred already: This is one from the account mentioned before who was directly involved with the previous discord server where the Trio incident took place a couple years back.

[A Reply.] I think, to be fair, I saw your comments on her previous posts through your main, and with how much aggression you packed into those messages, I don't necessarily blame her for deciding not to engage with your private messages. As I've said, she's very used to people attacking her like that, and in her mind, unfortunately, you've probably been added to the list of aggressive people ready to fling the blame at her rather than look at the situation as a whole. I do apologize for the way her post may have made you feel, but I think it's also important to remember the potentially aggressive things you left on her page (I'm not saying you meant to come off that way, but even I couldn't help but read that way). Also, regarding the ask, it's no small secret that the occultists of the tradcraft group are skilled and well-versed in hexes and curses. When reading her posts about how she may respond to further antagonism on Prim's part, I see a fully realized occultist wielding their most well kept and trained weapon: baneful magic. I'm sure Prim herself also understands that the "threat on her life" she's saying she's so afraid of, isn't a physical threat, but a metaphysical one. She has repeatedly and continually tried to drag these people through the mud, and now that they're refusing to just sit back and be canceled, she's afraid. She knows how strong their magic is, and they aren't shy about it 🤷‍♀️

[A Reply.] No, I completely understand where you're coming from. I, personally, have seen your willingness to talk things through, despite how aggressive you can come off at times in the things you say, so I think that's why I was genuinely so surprised to see your comments on some of her posts. But I do think her response and refusal to further directly engage with you is warranted and her right. Unfortunately, it is hard to tell who is genuinely open to talking and who is just trying to bait and add to the problem. And with how aggressive your comments were, 8 honestly think she most likely was responding from a place of "oh look another young Prim follower here to bait and berate me." I don't think she looks down on you for your age, but her views are likely a reflection of the fact that a lot of 18yos follow Prim and have openly harassed her without even asking for her input on the matter.

At this point, I would like to talk about the second half of the title of this particular post. Grooming. This is a very serious allegation against Prim that I have not spoken on previously because I had no proof that it was happening. With this person's permission, I would like to share how exactly they wound up fighting Prim's battles for her.

I will note: I am highly disgusted by what follows.

[A Reply.] Oh no! You cannot fault yourself for this! Prim is a known manipulator, and the fact that she was able to make you somehow think this is part of your being "gullible and naive" is just testament to the fact that she's gotten wayyy too good at what she does. This is in no way your fault or because of some fault within you. Practiced manipulators are cunning and dangerous even to the best of us. It was unfortunate that she chose you, but her twisting you around is in no way a bad reflection on you as a person!

I've chosen to include my reply to this person rather than our continued discussion because of how personal and involved our conversation turned. I've included it to show, as well, that grooming others to fight your battles is (though this should go without saying) NEVER OKAY. Prim has shown her true colors, in my opinion, and while I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt time and time again, I simply cannot permit myself to ignore the harm and damage she's inflicted on not only the tradcraft community, but also this innocent group of friends. A group who that has hitherto dedicated their time to sussing out predators, terfs, nazis, and racists. A group that should never have had to deal with being gaslit and manipulated by a well-known and respected blogger on this platform.

I cannot reiterate enough how sorry and deeply shocked I am at the information this person has brought to my attention. I am still stunned by Prim's activities and unable to fathom how many other potential individuals are out there being groomed to support and fight for her cause. I am sorry to the Witchblr community as a whole. I feel as if I have sat by and watched as Witchblr has been manipulated and am therefore complacent in the damage and needless hurt that has been allowed to spread throughout our community. I am just so very, very sorry.

I will be taking a couple days off of Tumblr because of this, as I feel as if I need space and time to think, but my inbox is always open and I am always available to speak with others on my return.

#witchblr #witch community #witchblr discourse #discourse #nightshadeandroses #grooming tw #grooming in the witch community #tradcraft #traditional witchcraft #beginner witch #novice witch #baby witch #witch predator #long post #gabrielle #chthoniaa

[bettsfic]

Hi Betts, this is a long ask, so thank you in advance for bearing with me. I've been a lurker of your blog and have seen it as a lifeline in the past year or so, and I'm so grateful that you have offered it as a space for advice, storytelling, and collaborative thought. I'm a woc of indeterminate queerness from a largely lower-class background who has just graduated from college, and i had initially planned to rest and recover from school before thinking about the next step. I'm still (1/?)

insisting on doing so, but recent events in my life have reminded me that my home situation (I just moved back in with my parents) has always been incredibly unstable, emotionally damaging, and at times unsafe. This realization has given an urgency toward considering if graduate school--specifically applying for an MFA--is the next step in my life I should be working toward. I identify strongly with a lot of your previous reasons you stated in regards to why you wanted to get your MFA, (2/?)

I feel like I have just gotten started in pursuing my academic and creative work, and I have been encouraged by multiple faculty members at my previous institution to consider continuing into graduate school. Yet I suffer from a lot of self-doubt and self-depreciation that makes it difficult to see myself the way others see me, and not someone who is too young (as a person and a writer) to be considering this option and is really just kidding themselves anyway. My home life has made it so (3/?)

that an MFA seems like an escape from a bad situation, but I don't know how much I should consider this feeling as a legitimate factor in my decision. Add to that my pre-existing doubts and my mind cannot handle considering the future for too long without going down the same spiral of negativity and uncertainty with no resolution. Thoughts? (4/4)

my thoughts are this:

doubt will kill you if you let it.

you have a fundamental right to pursue your best life, and any thoughts that impede you achieving your best life do not deserve to be listened to. i’m hearing two things here: you think you’re too young, and you think grad school is just an escape. i’ll tackle those individually.

the great thing about writing is that age is totally irrelevant all the time. you can publish your first book at 13 or 92. your age will always have an effect on your writing, but it will never determine the quality of it, and it will never dictate your worthiness to tell a story. your voice is eternal. 

moreover, an MFA is just writing training, like an apprenticeship. you get an MFA to learn three skills: writing, reading, and teaching. you can learn these skills from a lot of different places, but it sounds like you’re interested in academia, so an MFA would probably be your best option. there’s nothing wrong with going from undergrad to grad school, in fact i know a lot of people who have done that and they just consider it being “traditionally taught.” i also know a lot of people who took a gap year or two. and then there are people like me who had no background in writing whatsoever and just kind of flung ourselves into the fray.

of my friends who are going into an MFA at 22-24 years old, yeah, they do have some unique struggles. they have more doubt than those of us who are coming in at 28-32. they have fewer personal experiences to draw from, but in fiction, imagination is just as important as experience anyway. conversely, they have the benefit of hitting the ground running. they know what they want to do and they’re given the tools early on to accomplish their dreams. they didn’t have to meander around in a 9-to-5 soulless office gig for however many years before launching into their passion. and as much as i needed my 5 years of administrative assisting, i recognize i only needed that because i grew up in an environment where i never learned to ask myself what i wanted because i didn’t believe happiness was actually an option for me. if i could go back and tell my past self anything, it would be (after forcing my dad to get a cancer screening when he turned 50) “you don’t have to be miserable, and your sadness does not define you.”

that’s where this self-doubt is coming from i think. you have the gift of having a passion already, but accompanied by the self-sabotaging mentality that you don’t deserve to achieve it yet. especially in creative work, i think we’re inclined to believe our suffering gives us the best impetus for writing, but that doesn’t have to be true. you don’t have to wait around at 22 struggling to survive just so you have a story to tell at 31. 

as far as using grad school as an escape, hey, if you can get into a fully funded program doing something you love, that’s the best possible escape i can imagine. think of it in terms of risk/reward. what exactly is the risk? what’s the worst case scenario? an MFA is just two or three years, hopefully paid, doing work you enjoy and meeting likeminded people. it’s hard, yeah, but any job is. any life change is. learning any discipline is.

i think there’s a big spectrum of “escape.” there’s running away from your problems, and there’s digging ourselves out of a bad situation. i know a lot of people who run away. they get too far into something and then they break free and start over. they do this compulsively. it doesn’t sound like you’re one of those people, though, because they hide it about themselves. they don’t come into askboxes questioning the notion of escape. to them, it’s the most natural thing in the world. 

but if you’re born into a bad situation and you can work your way out? do it. because that’s not escape, that’s growth. 

i’m sorry you’re in this position. ideally you could make this decision in a vacuum, from a place of safety and comfort, and be confident in your future. but unfortunately that’s never our reality, so we have to work with what we’ve got. it’s okay to be afraid, and it’s okay to have doubt, but you have to do whatever it takes to move forward in spite of these things. 

#writing advice #grad school tho #dow17 #Anonymous

[mermaidsirennikita]

Sorry if you've been asked this before or if this is overstepping, but would you be able to recommend some important/influential etc. art history books for the early modern period? I'm about to graduate with a History degree (focusing on Europe 1500-1800) and I'm thinking of moving in an art history direction with an MA in the future. Thanks so much - also doing my own research of course but you're the first person that comes to mind when I think of art history!

Omg!  This is the most flattering ask anyone has ever given me, it’s not overstepping at all!  It’s super exciting that you’re thinking of moving towards an art historical track.  Honestly, a lot of art history majors end up going after museum studies (which like, cool, but it’s not for me) so it’s awesome that you’re thinking of switching from history to art history.  I actually did the opposite (began as a history major, switched) and while the two are very different, if you’re interested more in cultural studies I feel like art history has a lot to offer.

I focus primarily on the role of women in the eye of painters and how art worked in relation to politics in the Italian Renaissance, so a lot of my recommendations will have to do with that!  I also focus more on social/feminist art history. 

Okay, this got long so it’s going below a cut.

Some basics that everyone had to read in my undergrad include Frederick Hartt’s History of Italian Renaissance Art.  

For the Northern side of things, check out James Snyder’s Northern Renaissance Art: Painting, Sculpture and the Graphic Arts from 1350 to 1575.  For more Northern stuff, I’d check out articles by James H. Marrow and Craig Harbison, as they write about iconography and symbolism in a way that is relevant to art of the early modern sense in general.  Joseph Koerner’s The Moment of Self Portraiture in German Renaissance Art is also great.  I referenced that a lot for a recent paper on Hans Baldung Grien, who is just fascinating.

Whitney Chadwick’s Women, Art, and Society is a great reference book imo, though it covers a lot more than JUST the Early Modern period.  It can be difficult to find anything out about female artists of that time (aside from Artemisia) so I think you should definitely consider that.

If you haven’t taken an art historical methods class, you definitely need Hatt and Klonk’s Art History: A Critical Introduction to Its Methods as a basic.  Even if you have, get it.  You’ll probably be expected to be familiar with Hegel and Kant and Marxist art history and all of that, and this is a greater primer.

Erwin Panofsky is considered a father of modern art history, and with good reason.  Much of his theories can be applied to art within the period that you’re referring to, and you should probably read as much of his stuff as possible.  His The Life and Art of Albrecht Durer is really important, as is his Studies in Iconology, Renaissance and Renascences in Western Art…  Just be expected to read a lot of Panofsky.  Not all of his theories are really considered relevant today, but even if they’ve been discounted, they’re influential–and a lot of what he says and how he approaches art history is very much used today.

Meyer Schapiro’s approach is REALLY HARD TO READ, but he’s important for the same reasons as Panofsky.  I had to read his The Sculptures of Souillac–and honestly, whether or not you’re interested in what Schapiro is talking about is really irrelevant, you just need to be familiar with his approach to art history.  Less fun than Panofsky, but like…  Important.

Roberto Longhi is considered another influential art historian of the early modern period, and is credited for reviving interest in Caravaggio.  He also did some important work on Piero della Francesca.  Longhi tended more towards essays than books and obviously wrote largely in Italian, but try to get your hands on his work.

As I’m sure you know, you’ll want to read Vasari’s Lives of the Artists and like….  Take it with a large grain of salt.  It’s Vasari.  He’s like “one time I met Michelangelo and I came in my pants” one page and “RAPHAEL CAN SUCK A DICK” the next.  But take it nonetheless.  Ascanio Condivi wrote an important biography of Michelangelo that you’ll probably want to at least look over.  Again, these contemporary biographies are to be taken with a grain of salt, but a big part of studying art history is looking at how people approached art history before it became like… a discipline.

Then there are some things I’ll recommend to you because I love them/used them:

Anything by Paola Tinagli–super interesting take on the role of women in Italian art, specificall their images.  Women in Italian Renaissance Art: Gender, Representation, and Identity is a cool book she did with Mary Rogers.

Luke Syson’s Leonardo da Vinci: A Painter in the Court of Milan is very recent, but interesting and informative.  Syson also contributed to Stephen J. Campbell’s Artists at Court, which is a good book, also recent.  (You end up using a lot of recent things if you can because theories are constantly changing in art history lol, depending on what is in fashion at the moment.)  I wanna say Campbell is at Yale right now?  He’s somewhere important.

Beyond Isabella: Secular Women as Patrons of Art in Renaissance Italy is very interesting, focuses on culture.

Katherine A. McIver’s Wives, Widows, Mistresses, and Nuns in Early Modern Italy: Making theInvisible Visible Through Art and Patronage is a really interesting book.  You should also check out Picturing Women in Renaissance and Baroque Italy.

Joanna Woods-Marsden writes about Renaissance self-portraiture–check that out too if you can.

I recently bought Art and Love in Renaissance Italy ed. by Andrea Brayer, and though it’s a book that came out in conjunction with a Met exhibit some years back, it offers some interesting essays on things that people don’t often talk about–like decorative arts of the domestic sphere, cassoni, etc.

Obviously, I have a slant that I love–but this might be a good starting point, and hopefully you’ll find something helpful!

#art #art history #books #recs #Anonymous

[aviewfromtheclouds25]

I'm loving these theories. I also just remembered --- wasn't it strange timing to introduce Rebecca just before SSW --- maybe a week before? so it could lead credence to the theory, especially since you would want to increase promotion for SSW.

Me too, anon! And we create the theories, so technically no one can take them from us haha. But right, anon? This is a very good - and important, I feel - point you make. We had five episodes to “get acquainted” with Rebecca before SSW consumed us all. Five. Tuesday she arrives; Wednesday we learn more of her and Robert’s plan, which Robert informs Aaron of; Thursday Rebecca meets Aaron and there’s the instant clash of jealousy versus suspicion; Friday she makes a play for Robert and he rejects her and plans to propose to Aaron. So if the long-term plan was always for these storylines initiated in SSW to somehow come full circle and culminate alongside each other again, then yes, the week before SSW was the perfect time for Rebecca’s arrival and just goes to show how integral her character is to all of this.

Do you mind if I talk about Rebecca for a moment? This is just an objective analysis - neither negative or positive - but I feel like there are so many different directions this storyline could go, but they’re all entirely dependent on Rebecca’s mindset. It only occurred to me recently - after being reminded me that the episode where Rebecca considered leaving the village was at the beginning of February (because this storyline feels like it’s been going on so long, I was convinced it was back in December or something haha) - that there was literally not a single Robert/Rebecca scene between that episode and the week of The Incident. This is discounting Rebecca making some quip to Chrissie about Robert being a “useless tool” and also the Rebecca mention from the wedding because it got cut - for which I’ll be eternally grateful, but the fact that it was written in at all just goes to show how she’s wormed her way into literally every single aspect of Robert’s life. But the fact that they cut the mention at the wedding means from Rebecca’s perspective in the onscreen narrative only, it’s gone from Robert asking her to stay in the village, to The Incident. So I decided to consider the past few months from her perspective and her mind, because the narrative is focusing only on Robert’s but this whole storyline is being controlled by whatever Rebecca’s motive and angle is. So, this is what we get starting with the big fight in January, and right up until now:

Robert lies to Aaron about being with Rebecca.

Aaron doesn’t trust Robert, particularly around Rebecca.

Robron's relationship is on the rocks.

Robert asks her to stay.

Robert is unhappy.

Robert and Aaron’s marriage is over.

Robert still wants her.

Robert wants to be with her.

Robert didn’t want her.

Robert used her.

Robert doesn’t care about her.

Robert never cared about her.

Everything was a lie.

You see how different this would be if that mention hadn’t been cut from the wedding, so it wouldn’t go straight from Rob saying she should stick around to his marriage breaking down? There’s a reason it was cut. Because this is Rebecca’s perspective - regardless of her motive or angle, whether she’s the victim / stalker / spurned lover / lovesick ex / bunny boiler or whatever else she has been referred to during this storyline. As I say, my analysis isn’t intended as a positive or negative reading of the character - anyone following me will know I’m not a fan of Rebecca and that I love Robert, but for me the only “victim”/innocent party in all of this is Aaron - but this mindset of Rebecca's is the only fact. Whether she’s dealing with unrequited love or obsessiveness, her thought process isn’t any different. Because the direction of this storyline will affect Robert’s perspective, as it will Aaron’s. And so, too, will it shape the audience’s. But whatever direction this plot takes, Rebecca’s perspective doesn’t change.

And that’s why I’m convinced this whole thing is wrapped up in Rebecca’s character, all the cards are in her hands. She is driving the narrative. And that’s why these connections between now and SSW, and the timing of her arrival just fit. Because not only does it make sense of the narrative, but it also gives her character a purpose and a role all along. And I’m really hoping all of this will finally become clear over May. And I’m sorry, anon, for turning this into a rambling, slightly irrelevant tangent haha.

#apologies for taking so long to reply to this anon #Emmerdale speculation #Robron speculation #SSW speculation #the realms of neverending theories and overanalysis

[michin--yeoja]

Awww that's so nice! I'm glad you had a good time :) I'm studying biotech. And I studied in Sweden for my exchange. It was such an amazing city and everyone was so nice~~ And it was the first time I experienced so little sunlight XDI feel you though haha. I'm kinda of in this weird limbo where I want a job just so I don't have to keep studying, but I also don't want that kind of responsibility. But good luck with your applications! What are you studying? Oh and I'm from the U.S-- hi, neighbor!

I did see his long teaser! God it’s so aesthetic. I’m kinda busy right now so I haven’t been as involved in his comeback as I was with the group comeback but I would’ve giffed every second of it if I could lol. And every song seems like a jam! Sentimental definitely has a really nice beat. I also like Stay, but I can also see myself adding attraction to my bubbly Infinite playlist.           

I also hope it’s a nice promotion! I hope short promotions aren’t a new woollim thing (even tho it’s been that way for a while). I know they probably just rushed Tell Me since they’ve kept us waiting. But Woohyun told fans to prepare to be blessed so maybe all these promotions now will mean something big for the second half of the year? Lol at least I hope. And I got into Infinite from watching running man! My roommate studied abroad in Korea and showed me the show when she came back     

It was the Summer Idol Competition one. I thought just the combo of cool L and hamster Gyu was hilarious. And I heard destiny in the background so I looked into it and got hooked on the group. I ended up liking Woohyun a lot because of his voice. And as I got to know him I realized what a marshmellow he is. I used to think he talked too much at first cuz I wanted to learn about Gyu and Myung, but he grew on me haha. Who was your original bias group??  

LOL I’m sorry for sending so many in. But I like seeing your long answers. Worry not, I’m also really awkward. Ahhh I feel like I haven’t been to Asia much in general. My family is from Taiwan. So I want to go around everywhere and Singapore is definitely high on my list haha. The food looks amazing

There def were a lot of plot holes and a lot of “but….why” moments but I somehow still really liked it lol. I recently realized I like things comic book/super hero style things? Haha it’s weird, I didn’t expect to like that sort of thing. I’ll add those dramas to my list for when I have a break and need to watch something. I try not to commit to dramas during the school year since I usually end up binging them all night.            

Hehe…I feel bad asking more questions after all that, but what are your favorite concepts/songs?             

You’re a fellow science student! What’s biotech exactly? And what do you hope to do when you graduate? My mother actually told me to look into biotech, but my Genetics prof made it sound like it was all about DNA coding and such, which I wasn’t interested in.

I studied Health Science in undergrad… Not what I expected as it was all about policy and not really science based. I’m applying to med schools! But my chances are slim… I didn’t do so well in my last year >_

Where in the States are you from? I’m from Ontario… Near Toronto. I guess I’m kinda used to sunlight deprivation, but it’s definitely not as drastic as it would have been in Sweden! Were you in Stockholm? Did you only stay for one semester? And did you have the chance to travel around Europe?

Have you been to Taiwan? Do you have family in the States or are they largely still in Taiwan? Also, I’m wondering, do you have any siblings?

Isn’t being asked where you’re from such a weird question? I moved from Singapore when I was 7, so I hardly know anything about the culture, but I still consider myself Singaporean. Plus, most people generally mean ethnically when they ask that question, and for me that’s India, but I don’t consider myself Indian at all… I tend to give very convoluted answers that try to fit all 3 countries in ^^;

Have you seen the MV/listened to the album yet? I really love Nell, so when I heard Kim Jong Wan was helping to produce the entire album I was super excited (plus it’s cute since Sunggyu’s such a big fan of his). I really liked Attraction and True Love, but I think my favourite off the album is City of Angels.

I totally get what you mean about being too busy to be really involved in the comebacks… But for me it’s more I’m too lazy/tired than busy. I keep thinking I’ll gif/edit, but never do. It’s quite terrible. How long have you been making gifs for?

Was Infinite the first KPop group you listened to? Are they the first you were really a fan of? Destiny was such an epic song and I totally get how it hooked you. It was such a fierce song. I can’t remember Sunggyu and Myungsoo in that episode of Running Man… I remember more the Winter Olympics one (unless I’m remember wrong and we’re talking about the same episode). I love Running Man, but I preferred it more in the beginning episodes because I loved the nametag chase and they rarely do that anymore. If you haven’t already, you should watch the first ~100 episodes (with Song Joong Ki), they’re seriously hilarious.

My first bias group was MBLAQ… It’s so sad they disbanded. Again, I loved them because they were such dorks and their variety shows were hilarious as well. If you want to watch something for laughs, watch MBLAQ Goes To School… It’s too funny. Have you seen all of Infinite’s variety shows? I haven’t seen their last couple, but Sesame Player will always be my favourite. If you’ve seen Sesame Player, what was your favourite part? Mine were the pranks.

If a drama is really good the urge to binge is so strong! That’s why I like watching currently airing dramas, I’m forced to wait ^^ If you like light hearted dramas, I think you’ll like Suspicious Partner. The main couple is adorable like in SWDBS (also, I’m totally biased toward Ji Chang Wook… Hence the icon…).

Your last question… Is that specifically in regards to Infinite? That’s kind of tough… I actually kind of got out of touch with KPop while I was in university, well with music in general, so I actually haven’t heard many of Infinite’s new songs. But I really love Tell Me… Sunggyu’s voice and Dongwoo and the dance and the outfits… Gosh, all of it slayed me. So I guess that’s you’re answer? What about you, what is your favourite concept/song or Infinite’s?

On another note… What genre of English music do you like? I love Alt Rock/Grunge and I tend to stay away from R&B/Hip Hop.

(Also… Don’t feel bad about sending so many messages! I love reading them and as you can see, I’m a rambly person so the more I have to respond to, the less I feel like I’m being irrelevant ^^)

#I had to write out my response twice... I accidently went to my next page in messages and thus my first answer was deleted... My luck #Inspirit Buddy #Oh gosh... Seeing it posted I basically wrote an essay!! #Reply #Anonymous