#i've gone full bananas

[brightnote]

Okay hear me out (again) is a revival on the rise? Secret Invasion Spoilers!

I am once again…… posting a Maria survival potential outcome (mostly because this is more fun than working and I can’t stop thinking about it)

We are going back to the bar scene in Episode One. 

So question, why did Nick and Maria not arrive together at this bar? Weren’t they staying in the same safe house, working together? Maria is just like I need a night off after getting my ass kicked by five foot G’iah which definitely made a lot of sense …. So I am just gonna head off to a bar alone in Moscow because I am not an important lady with an important never described job and I am not an American agent hiding in Russia for an unknown reason, and no one would miss me if I just took off for a night. In fact, apparently no one even misses me if I just like go rogue and stop working on whatever I was working on and go kick around with Fury.  All of this makes perfect sense, no notes. (Ok but see my notes below)

So then Nick comes later to the bar and meets Maria there but Gravik is already at the bar (no one comes in the bar behind him) So wouldn’t this suggest to you in an alleged chess themed spy thriller that Fury was watching where Gravik was going and not Gravik was watching where Fury was going? I mean we learn later that Fury knows Gravik is looking for him and wants something from him and that Gravik has worked with Fury before, and why would these two boneheads just go out to a bar in public when people are looking for Fury- unless they want to be seen.

So then Maria says OUTLOUD in PUBLIC at a BAR THAT GRAVIK IS AT that world famous spy Nick Fury has been ignoring her (!!!) and he hasn’t been the same since the blip and he needs to sit this one out. Nick Fury you cannot do your job and the only reason she called him was because Talos asked her, even though he has your number.  Again, this makes perfect sense, no notes. (But ok again, see my notes below)

- so what if Nick wasn’t ignoring Maria’s messages or calls but what if Maria and Nick just had this conversation out loud where Gravik could hear it. Then Nick can barely even play a simple game of chess against his long time bestie. What if this is all a show and it’s all an act for Gravik. And then Maria is like practically shouting “THE FURY I KNOW IS ALWAYS THREE STEPS AHEAD, STAY OUTTA THIS FIGHT MAN SIT THIS ONE OUT” (even though I called you and picked you up— makes sense. Ok.) Isn’t this conversation weird? Like, Maria, c’mon who is gonna fight the Skrulls? YOU? LITTLE MISS I LEFT MY BULLET PROOF VEST AT HOME? YOU ARE GONNA DO IT? I DON’T THINK YOU ARE GONNA DO IT. Just saying. side note: YOU ARE TELLING ME THAT VARRA AND G’IAH HAVE TIME TO PUT ON BULLET PROOF VESTS THAT THEY JUST HAVE WHILE BEING SHOT AT BUT MARIA DIDN’T WEAR ONE TO A BOMBING? MARVEL WHAT?

- so then after Gravik probably hears this whole conversation I would assume since he also seems to think Nick is some broken sad man.  Nick, Maria, and Talos, engage in what is probably the stupidest fucking plan of strategic spy geniuses anyone could imagine. They go to a planned bombing with absolutely nothing but infrared glasses apparently that they just happen to have and they are going to grab the bombs and put DIRTY BOMBS next to their human/skrull mortal bodies and also does this plot make sense for Nick Fury who is so unbelievably afraid of death that he wouldn’t come back to earth for years? YET somehow this alien-human hybrid bomb squad sans back up is gonna move these bombs away from a crowd and themselves and do it before Gravik sets them off and they will not die next to these bombs, how? Two of these bozos can’t even survive a bullet and a knife wound…apparently… so ok… what? I think everyone universally agrees that this is a stupid stupid stupid plan and it’s so obviously stupid that it genuinely confuses the entire fan base. 

But is this actually evidence of a fake out Maria? She is wearing slightly different clothes and her cut has kind of healed way more than you would think overnight.  Because what if it was okay for this version of Maria to die? It make sense that she would just run up to a bomb bag and grab it ….. because otherwise… that would be really fucking stupid and what would stop Gravik from just blowing her up if she took the bag??? [YES I KNOW THERE ARE NO BOMBS IN THERE BUT THEY DON’T KNOW THAT YET---unless they do? gasp?]

Maria also loses her infrared glasses somewhere around this point.  I thought she lost them in the bombing but she actually wasn’t wearing them then! Just saying if you know a bomb is going off like maybe protect your eyes but ok sure it’s not like she protected anything else that day so idk. Additionally, Fury saw Maria get shot and instead of shooting Gravik right away he just doesn’t? Right right, he couldn’t take the .01 second to fire a bullet at Gravik, he had to run to Maria clear his name and then abandon her body on the cold Russian ground….in front of Gravik… (ok Gravik does leave after a hot second) but hey maybe this is another show! I mean after all, Maria did think she could just strut away with a dirty bomb for some reason no one can explain. 

Maybe real Maria is in hiding and got some super skrull antidote serum and is gonna sharp shoot it into them. Maybe Maria always knew Skrull Ross was a Skrull and some shit was was up Rhodey and she just had to like pretend or something. Maybe she wanted Rhodey to see she sent a message to Fury, I mean if she sent them before why would this one suddenly cause alarm? I feel like true spy thrillers generally come full circle by the end.  And maybe Maria is who Fury was calling on his ear piece since that is like kind of their thing. And the person on the other side has to be someone expecting his call, it pretty much has to be someone on earth… probably… and Nick already said he wasn’t calling any avengers to get involved so I can’t imagine any one else who is waiting for his call…  so it could be a surprise alive Maria! But it’s probably just G’iah sigh. (lol maybe it’s ant-man jk lmao let’s just have one marvel tragedy at a time please)  

Also, the reason potentially that Maria is alive, is that her death just became very public. There’s video of it and it’s going to have to be explained a way some other than “that wasn’t Nick Fury it was just a secret alien disguised as Nick Fury murdering someone.” Because I think that is gonna raise a lot of questions that no one is going to want to answer. And the best away to navigate that whole issue? She’s not dead. SHE’S NOT DEAD. GIRL NOT DEAD. (can’t wait for next Wednesday when they reveal she’s dead dead)  

But of course they have to pretend she’s dead because Rhodey is a skrull and they didn’t know that Hill Mommas were gonna get involved and maybe that’s why Fury was an aloof idiot at the body transfer which is not a funeral btw cause Talos had a real body burning funeral and we just saw a box. 

So what if the Maria who died was a skrull who shape shifted as Maria but was wearing the Widows Veil as Maria DOUBLE SHAPE SHIFT which is why Maria didn’t turn green when she died. ALSO if Maria was actually Soren that would explain why she thought G’iah was someone suspicious….? But then of course Talos would have been a mess so probably not and  actually I think this would be kind of a terrible explanation for this— the whole thing the double shape shift included (I just thought it was funny) but Talos has to be in on a plan somehow because how did get a car to take him and Fury away from the the scene so fast? Was that always their plan? So they had some kind of tech and plan going on here? This is why the writing in these style of shows is really important because it otherwise comes across as a chaotic mess with too many plot holes?

Also, can Nick Fury really be so terrible he only gets (billion dollar) tech to protect himself, and everyone else has to fuck off and die? I mean I guess so, but this whole I have to do this alone angle is actually pretty dumb for a guy who spent his whole life bringing people together. Also side note the Rick Mason (I figured out his name) cameo was probably legit and not Maria in disguise after all. If Talos dying fixes a broken Fury, then what purpose did Maria’s death serve at all? Everyone has to die for Nick Fury to get out of his man baby spiral — half the fucking planet disappeared in the blip man, get a therapist. In fact, at this point, if this show doesn’t come full circle with a Maria reveal, I would have rather watched six episodes of Nick Fury in therapy, Dr. Katz style. 

Either the point of this show is that Fury was three steps ahead the whole time (which tracks), or Fury has gone full on ‘Maria is still alive delusional’ (like me :) ) he’s either right and he is always in even when he’s out, and that nobody calls him nick, and that he can defend the earth like him (which I think would include his closest allies but lmao sure ok) or he is just the old out of touch hanging onto the past sad sack who is so totally out it’s embarrassing and I just can’t imagine they would write a show about that. 

Marvel also really went out o the way to give Maria zero cool moments in this whole series … so far and she has so many cool ones in the Secret Invasion comics, they have to give her one!!  ALL SHE DOES IS DIE. SHE DOESN’T EVEN WIN A FIGHT AGAINST A FIVE FOOT LADY SHE RANDOMLY DECIDES TO FOLLOW. So expecting them to comeback with something AWESOME with this character is a full state of delusion that I can’t even comprehend but here I am living it and sharing it with all of you. They even took one of the coolest moments from Maria when they made her a skrull back in Far From Home (which I get they had to do but that means her only other moments are her coughing (the word) testosterone at Tony Stark and Thor (A++ moment btw) and freeing Captain America, Black Widow, and the Falcon (A) but you don’t even really see that one. So they just brought her back to die, and then blast that death on full volume in every episode? Mm nah. I don’t buy it anymore. I mean Marvel go ahead and disappoint, but it would be really cool if you didn’t. Also it would totally change the whole show in a good way. At first I thought a fake out Maria death would be cheap, but now I don’t (bias aside) I think it’s necessary.

So full disclosure on this delusion, Cobie herself has said in a number of interviews that she thinks Maria Hill is dead, “it looks real to me!” “It felt different” “but I don’t know it’s the multi-verse” and she “doesn’t know anything” about being in the Marvels etc. She also said Marvel told her “Maria was going to get shot by skrulls.” Idk i think some of these are interesting phrases but probably nothing. She also posted  a good-bye to Maria Hill on IG but deleted it 40 minutes later. Screencaps here. Interesting though that she used Maria as an LMD escaping the Skrulls. I also believe she has been giving us secret messages via her clothes but probably she didn’t even know what she was posting and was like wow look at these cool Maria action shots in the comics and posted them and then everyone freaked out because she posted Maria as an LMD escaping the Skrulls and she was like whoops gonna delete that. That’s my best guess. 

edit: actually i think there is going to be a double shape shift but it won’t be related to Maria it’s going to be G’iah shape shifting into Nick Fury with a full body widow’s veil of Fury too!  that’s why Fury mentioned the new widows veil was full body and G’iah as fake Fury is going to fight Gravik since she’s a super skrull! Bummer Maria is gone for real probably but eh this was a fun theory to rant out.

SECOND EDIT: Maybe we are going to see a flashback involving Maria and Rhodey as we are still waiting on these scenes that Maria and Rhodey supposedly have. Maybe Maria is the one who notices something is up with him from awhile ago?  I know Maria and Rhodey are buddies and it would be great if she was the one who secretly survived and saved him. You can’t tell me Fury didn’t know skrulls were high up in the US Government for sometime now. Maybe we are going to see Ross again in the last episode when everything is explained (I hope cause a lot of explaining needs to be done here?) Like there has to be a reason that Maria and skrull Ross are working in Russia they have to have more of a set up than “we open in Russia where Maria is (no reason) and she is just driving around on her Moscow Vacation but still working and Ross who is also in Russia (no reason) calls her for a pick up and surprise he dies and is a skrull! But don’t worry Talos says not really Ross fake Ross and no one investigates this and wonders about it or even brings it up again.”

If this is really what Marvel did, it would be as stupid as sending a 20+ years of experience agent into a planned bombing and without a shred of protective gear which apparently other women can get and put on in a shoot out... but the one person who probably would definitely have one... for some reason doesn’t and no one has explained this to us why... I just want everyone to know that when I saw Varra and G’iah put on those bullet proof vests I flipped the fuck out. 

#Omg I posted another one #i've gone full bananas #this is more fun than working #marvel show up and don't disappoint #maria hill #maria hill is alive #justice for maria hill #agent hill #deputy director hill #aos #agents of shield #marvel #mcu #marvel cinematic universe #secret invasion #secret invasion spoilers #cobie smulders #nick fury #samuel l jackson #talos #ben mendelsohn #g'iah #emila clarke #secret invasion theory #human alien hybrid bomb squad #little miss i left my bullet proof vest at home #girl not dead #i know it's gonna be g'iah he called but let me pretend

[scientia-rex]

I've been trying to figure out what the deal is with prediabetes so I can write a meaningful response to an ask I got about it, and I just keep going wait--okay--here's one paper--but here's another one--here's a Cochrane review--but here's a different meta-analysis--and here's newer data from an RCT...

It's nuts! It's bananas. And anybody who says we have good, crisp, clear guidelines around what prediabetes even IS, much less what to do about it, is FULL OF SHIT.

What I really need to know in order to feel more confident about my handle on whether to medicate pre-diabetes is the population incidence. Not prevalence. Because if I take the most optimistic studies about medication as an intervention, specifically, I could be looking at about a 30-40% reduction in risk of progression to diabetes. But! How many people is that, actually? Because medication is not without its harms! We need to compare number needed to treat with number needed to harm, we need to have high-quality evidence that says yes, if we give this medication to everyone who meets X level of criteria for pre-diabetes (it's different in different sources AND it's changed repeatedly over our lifetime!), we will see a level of benefit sufficient to justify making these other people who would not have progressed to diabetes without it endure the hassle and side effects of taking a medication for the rest of their lives.

AND HERE'S THE REAL FUN PART: we don't really know where tissue damage begins! We thought we did! 6.5-7ish A1c. But it turns out there is a marked risk of retinopathy beginning at 5.5! Which is considered normal. AND ALSO we should probably be thinking of it as at least three separate disease based on our current ability to measure--A1c is a broad marker that collapses multiple forms of dysregulated blood sugar, and when we use more fine-grained tests, we see meaningful distinctions that probably affect preferred treatments between people who have impaired fasting glucose, people who have abnormal values on an oral glucose tolerance test, and people who have both. We should treat these groups differently because they reflect different underlying pathways: elevated fasting glucose means your liver is breaking down too much glycogen while you sleep, which is one issue, while elevated post-prandial glucose means your skeletal muscles (OR SOMETHING ELSE they're not totally sure) are behaving abnormally in response to insulin. IT'S NOT THE SAME THING and people with both impaired fasting glucose and abnormal post-prandial glucose are at higher risk of progression to diabetes/tissue damage than people with just one of those. AND WHILE WE'RE AT IT, what is diabetes? What's the best cutoff? What's the best measure? How many underlying pathophysiologies are getting collapsed into the same group????

THE MORE I LEARN ABOUT THIS THE MORE QUESTIONS I HAVE and experts are all being serenely confident while contradicting each other so I have to actually dig in the data a lot harder than I usually do. I've been meaning to do this for months, but one of the presenters this morning made a comment about the benefits of putting prediabetics on metformin that made me go "hm, do I need to start doing that?" and I've gone from my kneejerk answer being "no, we studied this and it doesn't help" to "I don't fucking know and neither does anyone else."

...as always, Cochrane is probably right.

#the attending dr. kristophine

[spockandawe]

Here we go! I have some smaller books to share as well, but I've been absolutely VIBRATING with excitement to share a BIG one, and I'm going to indulge myself and post that today, then figure out words for the rest. Because I bound a new cnovel. Check it out, guys, I bound jwqs/clear and muddy loss of love :D

Let me indulge myself and backtrack a little! First, these are quarto books, so they're short. But I think these average a little under 500 pages each, and jwqs is a LONG book (my beloved), and this adds up to a total eleven inches of lesbians. More like twelve once they're in their cases. It's over a million characters in Chinese and I think the English translation comes in somewhere around 890k, it's HUGE

Making these books was SO FUN, I hadn't read jwqs and still haven't, and will probably read on my phone when I do. I don't have any exciting photos of the typesetting, but I knew this was an imperial succession story, and that made me nervous, those stories don't always click for me. Well, the process of typesetting and adding footnotes for this beast definitely confirmed that I'm going to have a good time with this thing when I have the time to read it, but there was also so much going on that only the vaguest of spoilers sank in. I went into an absolute FRENZY of typesetting, and after I printed, cut and folded it, well. That was one afternoon of sewing. You're looking at the reason I'm scrambling to make up a few hours of missed work, hahaha

After that, I needed cases. At the very beginning of march, I received a shipment of some FASCINATING bookcloth. It's called Duo, and it's made by layering a thin gauzy fabric of one color over paper of a different color. Depending on the combos, you get a really cool range of color-shifting effects. And they've gone out of production! But I was part of a group order to get some of the goods, and hadn't yet finished a new project. Reader, I went for it.

That purple and green is bananas!!!! It's so hard to photograph, this midnight picture of a few cases is one of my most successful attempts to capture the full range up close. Originally I'd been thinking of trying to evoke imperial gold, but I figured this was still the kind of drama and luxury suited the book, and also something something the hidden colors suited Qi Yan's character. I tied it back a little to the imperial gold with the endpapers, then titled them in silver foil, since the endpapers had silver in them.

But once the books were made, I felt like it wanted something... more. Something like a BOX!

And me, I chase novelty. A set this large would be tricky for anything clamshell, but a slipcase for all seven would leave books tipping all over if it was wide open, but putting walls between slots would be demanding in terms of precision and would risk similarly-sized books getting stuck in the wrong slots. Then I remembered learning about slipcases where you could put in a little insert to support the weight of the text block, and the concept SNAPPED into place.

Colors aren't going to photograph well at midnight, but I made the supports using the scraps and off-cuts from my endpapers, to tie it back into the bindings. The back of the case is lined in more of the duo, and the walls are lined with a faux leather bookcloth I like a lot, it feels buttery smooth and seemed like a good neutral material to tie the papers and bookcloth together. I listened to some of the DEEPEST layers from the nine-hour conspiracy theory iceberg video while I was working on this, haha, it was a TRIP.

And in the end, each of the supports is sized to comfortably sit in the smallest of the volumes, and evenly spaced, so I believe it will take the books in any order with no problems. It's easy to grab the books without having to cut notches into the walls to grab them from. And even though weight is less of an issue for quarto sizing, the books in here have their weight supported no matter what angle the box is at! I'm so, so pleased with how this concept worked out and definitely plan to do more with it in the future.

So there we are! Jing Wei Qing Shang! I had such a fabulous time with this project, and I'm so excited to get to share it with all of you. The story was fun to work with, the bindings and box were fun to make, and everything here came together just as well as I could possibly have hoped. I'm so proud of this, and incredibly, incredibly excited to show it to you!

#crafts #bookbinding #box making #oh boy what is this story tagged #jwqs #jing wei qing shang #clear and muddy loss of love #I'll pick one to stick with later 😂 #long post/ #so proud of this one!

[utilitycaster]

Hi there, I saw in one of your tags recently that "if you think the raven queen was being unfair, I'm not really interested in your opinions." I was wondering if you could talk a little more about that because I'll be honest, Vax isn't my favorite character but I've seen all of C1 and I really don't get why some people HATE the RQ, call her unfair, manipulative and pretty plainly say this moon conflict is mostly her fault because she took Vax and through a Domino effect Ludinus is releasing Predathos. Also, I enjoy your theories and analysis for CR so much you got me listening to Midst, so thank you.

Hi anon,

Great question! This is going to be a very long post, with a relatively short initial answer, because there is both the literal misinterpretation that indicates this is not someone with strong analytical skills nor knowledge of canon, and a number of potential mindsets that lead to this manner of thinking in the first place, none of which I respect. You happen to have sort of hit upon the foundational elements of my whole deal re: CR meta, so, buckle in.

The first part is simple: Vex died because Percy triggered a trap before she'd been healed up. We've seen this sort of trap elsewhere in non-divine contexts (Folding Halls of Halas); it's just a form of trap. A particularly nasty one, but this is for a very powerful relic she doesn't want falling into the wrong hands, and, moreover, the party could have likely disabled it either through rogue skills or magic had Percy waited. Vax, then, as the third part of the resurrection ritual, told the Raven Queen to take him instead of Vex. The Raven Queen did precisely as he asked. He did not need to offer this (Scanlan was going to make an offering, the other parts of the ritual had gone well, it was Vex's first death so the DC was low, and Vax could have made any number of other, less dramatic offers), and he did so with the understanding that he would die in lieu of Vex, right then and there. He did not. I think that's the only case, actually, where the Raven Queen was not 100% upfront with her intentions before Vax accepted something; but he offered it voluntarily. Vax was a person who formed extremely intense connections, to the point where it was perhaps unhealthy, and did not believe life without his sister was worth living, and was willing to sacrifice himself to a god.

Everything after that was extremely straightforward. Vax communed with the Raven Queen, who spoke very directly with him in his vision in the Raven's Crest. She was extremely clear when she met with him following his disintegration: he was given the option to refuse her offer, and he took it instead. It is not manipulative to give someone a difficult decision, and if a character you like makes a choice you don't like, it is not automatically the result of manipulation.

As for the moon conflict being her fault…that is, to put it bluntly, unhinged, and what's more, ironic given that that's the manipulative argument. Ludinus tried to commune with Ruidus using a random crystalline artifact beneath Molaesmyr, centuries before Vax was born. He was going to do this regardless. If he couldn't get Vax, he'd get some other sliver of divinity, and what's more, it's been all but stated that Vax is not actually supposed to be leaving the Shadowfell to protect Keyleth, and is disobeying the Raven Queen directly (and it's been stated that this isn't necessarily helpful for Keyleth, who is trying to grieve and move on). So: Vax made his choices with the knowledge of what they entailed, is trying to bend if not break the conditions to which he agreed with full knowledge in a way that probably isn't healthy for him or Keyleth, and it's bananas to be like "wow look at how the Raven Queen made Ludinus try to free Predathos." Like. Even if she had tricked Vax, which she didn't, Ludinus literally could have just kept on his racist imperialistic longevitymaxxing beat indefinitely and left the moon well enough alone. The domino meme is a meme. I mean, while we're at it, couldn't we trace it back to Vecna instead, for killing Vax with Disintegrate in the first place, since had he not done so, Vax would have either survived that fight or would have been resurrected normally? Or perhaps it's Percy for triggering that trap. Or the Chroma Conclave for being the reason why Vox Machina was seeking the Deathwalker's Ward in the first place…but that only happened because Allura and Kima didn't kill Thordak but rather sealed him, and because a priestess of Melora cursed Raishan so that she had reason to ally with Thordak. We can go on indefinitely; the point is, to assign blame specifically to the Raven Queen when Ludinus literally did not have to do a goddamn thing with the moon is a fucking stupid take.

Below the cut, I talk root causes behind why people might decide the Raven Queen was unfair and come up with the above nonsensical argument to support that, since I don't think people say stupid things just to be stupid.

I think one root cause for this mentality of this is that the person in question wishes Vax hadn't died and is looking for someone to blame because they don't want to blame Matt Mercer and Liam O'Brien, even though yeah, that's who to blame. The thing is, as we learned in Campaign 2, character death is quite literally on the table. Had Vax not made his bargain, either in episode 1x103 or his original one during Vex's resurrection? He might have simply remained dead. Had he not given his life for Vex's, he was pursuing paladin anyway with the Everlight, and we don't know what she'd have required of him. But more importantly, for all people like to bring up a PC-centric perspective (which, in Actual Play, is inevitable) Vox Machina's frequent use of resurrection spells was in fact a massive privilege most people in Exandria do not have. And, unsurprisingly for a table whose DM made up rules specifically to make resurrection more difficult, the Critical Role cast is open to a story where death exists. I do not think it's an accident that resurrection has been made even harder in the subsequent campaigns. I also happen to think that Campaign 1 is a far richer and better story with Vax's death, given the other events that occurred. Had Vax not been the sort of person who would offer his life for a god to take in exchange for his sister? Sure, he'd possibly have lived to the end. But he was, and that's the character those people who wish he were still alive loved. If he wasn't that person, they wouldn't have liked him in the same way.

D&D is fundamentally about exceptional characters becoming more powerful, and will be focused on those characters. I do not think D&D supports a story about characters who reject all power. They can give up political power (the Mighty Nein, for the most part, do this - certainly more so than Vox Machina, and Bells Hells is yet to be seen) but they will progress in levels, which is power. Even if unwanted, it is power, because most people in the world are commoners with 5 HP and 10 in all their stats. With that said, a lot of people desperately want a subversion of this power narrative. Vax is, I think, the closest we get. In D&D you are not going to get a player character who finishes a campaign and remains Just Some Guy. But you can have someone like Vax, who doesn't have any interest in power (compare to Vex, who very much is about power and who gets a much happier ending) who nonetheless ends up on the Tal'Dorei Council and the favored of a god…and yet, in the end, his equally powerful friends still can do nothing to save him. I think a Power Bad story is overly simplistic, but "there are limits to power, and ultimately none of us have complete control" is not. I think Vax's death gives the story of Vox Machina a finality and heft that it would lack otherwise.

A second possible cause is the "What if the gods are BAD" argument. I'm going to be totally honest: I did not see this in the fandom until Campaign 3, and honestly, not until EXU Calamity in any widespread sense, which does lead me to believe that most people did not come up with it as a reasonable idea on their own until characters started saying it, because it is so plainly in conflict with the themes of Campaigns 1 and 2 that to make this argument would be obvious projection. Do I think a nuanced view of the gods as flawed beings, rather than perfection, is warranted? Absolutely. Mortals, too, are flawed, and we don't kill them all for it. I think Vax's story makes them uncomfortable because it makes it clear divine favor is not, as Ludinus Da'leth tries to argue, the gods just bestowing and withholding their gifts arbitrarily, but rather that divine favor comes with a divine responsibility as well. Clerics and paladins do not study the way wizards do; but they must live lives in service, whereas a wizard can shut the book at the end of the day and do whatever. Clerics and paladins have powers that can be taken away; a wizard does not. That's the fundamental concept behind the Age of Arcanum - wizards trying to get around the fundamental rules of this world! Vax's paladin powers came at a price. His options are guided, but also limited, by the oath he took. He is far more fettered than a wizard, in the end, and I think that fucks with the narrative of the gods cruelly withholding their gifts from all but a select few, so they instead make their gifts into manipulative punishments…while still, contradictorily, arguing that characters such as Laudna or Ashton or Imogen were denied the mercy of the gods. Now, setting aside the obvious, that these characters have their backstories because Marisha and Taliesin and Laura decided they would because this is a story, and one in which someone had a perfect life would be boring and so the gods didn't intervene with Laudna because Marisha Ray wanted to play a Sun Tree corpse (see next section), it really is fascinating to see how people who hate the Raven Queen so neatly align with Ludinus. It's fine for sorcerers to have inborn powers, apparently, and Ludinus actually has himself tried to ape druidic magic; it's not about power, it's just about that power source. Honestly, they're not even above the gods as a power source - Ludinus used the crystal beneath Molaesmyr seemingly unaware if it were of the Archheart, and he's demonstrably using Vax, and everyone loves a resurrection from the gods, but heaven forbid you pay someone for the work you feel yourself entitled to. (Entitlement: this will also be a theme throughout the rant portion of this post.)

As a brief subsection to this: the idea that bad things happen to good people because the other side of that coin is free will is an ancient theological and philosophical discussion, and one we are obviously not going to solve here, though it is a little depressing I have had multiple rewarding conversations on this topic, thanks to an academically rigorous religious education, starting from the tender age of 9, and a lot of adults on Tumblr seemingly can't engage on the level of my third-grade classmates. I think, however, it tells a truth that fits in well with the wizard (and entitled fan) desire to control everything. People are terrified of random forces. Cancer, for example, is a matter of probability. There are things that can increase your chances of developing cancer, to be sure, but the simile I used when I was taught about radiation-induced cancers was that of lottery tickets: if you buy more, you have a better chance; but sometimes someone who bought a single ticket "wins" and someone who bought a ticket weekly never does. By believing the gods of Exandria are on trial for not intervening with every little hardship or for not taking Vax precisely as he intended, they reveal a profound terror of random chance and of the free will of people who are not them. Which is very funny when you consider we're watching Actual Play, where random chance is a deliberately induced element. I think the takeaway of all of this is "I think some of you guys are really mad this is a D&D game." But let's continue.

The third, and honestly most likely cause, is honestly sort of a continuation of the first but not centered around Vax so much as just a general, in my opinion deeply childish discomfort of any sort of tragedy or unhappiness in fiction. I've noticed this a lot lately, and I am not a cultural critic and don't have a high enough level view to pretend to be one, but as others have noted a lot of people seem affronted when whatever show they are currently watching does not meet their specific standards of "comfort media" or "hopepunk." It's a self-infantilization I don't care for, and it's certainly not limited to the CR fandom (see: any grown-ass adult passionately defending a choice to only watch children's cartoons and only read YA) or even fandom at all (see: the baffling popularity of the Mr. Rogers "look for the helpers" line which was intended for anxious young children, not for adults who can and should be the helpers). It really came into focus for me with CR when people referred to both EXU Calamity and to Candela Obscura's Circle of Needle and Thread as specifically "hopeless." They are, to me, deeply hopeful series. They are sad, and tragic, and many characters do not get a happy ending, but they are ultimately about how some people will endure, and will live on and find meaning after great loss. Calamity explicitly states that because of the actions of the heroes, while devastation will occur, total annihilation is mitigated. It's like the adage of how courage only means something in the face of fear; hope only means something in the face of darkness. Happy and fluffy tales are not hopeful; they are merely not things that require you to have hope. The root word of catharsis is that of cleansing and purgation and it originally related to physical excretion - cathartic stories are about getting those complicated and ugly emotions and fears out and feeling better for it by briefly feeling, perhaps, worse! Now, again, this has worsened with Vax's story with time. Shortly after Campaign 1, it was very common to see stories where Vex or Keyleth were utterly distraught, indefinitely, but those at least were engaging with grief, even if in a very shallow and unproductive way. But this has morphed into this idea that the fact that a work of fiction might make you even feel sadness makes it bad, and wrong, and hopeless, and the machinations of a cruel and heartless god. Which brings me back to the entitlement narrative: it's really as simple as "the story didn't give me what I wanted (whether that was a happy ending for Vax, or for Keyleth, or just a lack of sadness generally, or a narrative about the gods that validates my personal beliefs, or a way to justify Ludinus's actions), so it is bad." Which again is about being in control of the narrative, which again, in D&D, is simply not something anyone can claim. Why are these people here watching a D&D game? I don't know.

So that's really it: on a basic level, if you think the Raven Queen is unfair, you are profoundly ignorant of canon, so I'm already going to have to fact check anything you cite (if you cite at all), but there's a much deeper refusal to meet stories where they are and expand one's own comfort zone at play, and that means any analysis will never consider the possibility that your pre-existing beliefs were wrong (absolutely crucial in meta). You will always play it too safe and be uninspired and reactionary because the alternative is uncertainty and fear. I think a refusal to embrace tragedy in fiction is itself a profound tragedy; that is someone who is terrified to believe that life goes on.

#answered #Anonymous #cr tag #long post #candela tag #ngl i'm torn about not maintagging this; kind of want to but it does go somewhat far from the original topic

[call-me-little-sunshine84]

Heat Wave ~ Santiago 'Pope’ Garcia x female reader

Rating: Explicit ~ Minors DNI

Characters: Santiago 'Pope' Garcia x female reader ~ Triple Frontier

Words: 1.2k

Summary: you find some fun ways to ride out a heat wave with Santi

Warnings: smutty smutty smut, just filth really; oral sex, unprotected sex, thigh riding, multiple orgasms, squirting

A/N: this is shorter than most of my others; I'm always nervous about writing for a character I've never done before but he just...ooof. I have so many thoughts

Hot. Why is it so damn hot here? That thought ran through your head for probably the tenth time this week, sweat beading its way down your body. When your work had relocated you to their office in Columbia, you had no idea what it would be like. But you also had not expected to meet the drop-dead-gorgeous man who was currently sitting half-naked across from you at the kitchen table, so the weather was an acceptable trade off. That wouldn’t keep you from complaining about it, though.

You had met Santiago Garcia about a month after you arrived in Columbia. Some of your new coworkers wanted to take you out to see the sights, and you had ended the night at a local bar. Two margaritas in, you saw a man staring at you from across the room. The literal definition of tall, dark, and handsome, he looked like he had just stepped out of a magazine. It was lust at first sight. He came home with you that night and pretty much hadn’t left since, except when he took a job with the guys.

“Santi, how do you stand this,” you whined, pulling your tank top away from your skin and fanning yourself with a magazine. “Stand what?” he laughed, looking up from the newspaper he was reading, knowing full well what you meant. “This god-awful heat!” you responded, getting up and pacing around the kitchen. The air conditioning just wasn’t keeping up, and you were beyond irritable. You opened the freezer door, feeling the cold air hit you and groaning with satisfaction. Then an idea struck, a bit of divine inspiration that would both cool you off and put you in a better mood. You pulled a banana flavored popsicle from the box inside the freezer, walking over to him. Making a show of peeling the wrapper from it and tossing it aside, you slowly slid down until you were straddling his muscular thigh. Running your tongue along the frozen treat, he cocked an eyebrow, watching you intently with lust blown eyes as you took it in your mouth. Sucking on it slowly, never breaking eye contact with him, you then pulled it out of your mouth with an audible pop.

Leaning over, you kissed him, the sugary sweetness filling his mouth as your tongue swirled with his. “Mmmmm,” he hummed, putting his hands on your hips, rocking you back and forth on his leg. Closing your eyes, you focused on the feeling of his thigh rubbing against you through your thin shorts, feeling your arousal already leaving a wet spot on him. You pulled back and began tracing the already melting popsicle across his chest, leaving a trail of juice dripping down. Bending toward him, you ran your tongue over his skin, licking up the delicious mess you had made. 

You were already gone, lost in desire, the sticky-sweet from the popsicle mixing with the taste of his sweat and making you ache for him. You stood up, pulling him to his feet. Not wanting the rest of the popsicle to go to waste, you quickly removed his shorts, freeing his already hard dick. The sight of his naked body still took your breath away. You ran the remaining popsicle teasingly up and down his length, making him groan and roll his eyes back in his head. Crouching, you licked him up and down, sweet mixed with the salty flavor of his pre-cum making you want to utterly devour him. You kept it up, licking him clean, until he gently pushed you back, not wanting your fun to end just yet. 

After you stood up, he removed all your clothes, leaving you bare before him. You tossed the popsicle stick in the sink, licking your fingers. “Two can play that game, hermosa,” he said, walking to the freezer. He opened it and removed a handful of ice cubes from the tray. He instructed you to sit on the table. You watched him, your body thrumming with anticipation. He took the ice and rubbed it in slow delicious circles around your nipples, making them achingly hard and leaving a watery trail dripping down your torso. He followed the ice with his mouth, sucking and gently nipping with his teeth, the warm on cold sensation making you moan. 

He dragged the ice lower, down your stomach and toward your center. Finally reaching his destination, he spread you apart with his fingers. Gasping as he ran the ice cube through your already slick folds, you arched your back, bucking up into him. “Santi, please,” you screamed as he found your clit with the ice, the feeling almost too much to take. “You’re okay querida, ride it out,” he said, kissing your inner thighs and then replacing the ice inside you with his mouth. Pulses of pleasure shot through you as he worked you over with his tongue. Wrapping your fingers through his curls, you ground yourself on his mouth, feeling your climax building and building until it took you. Thighs trembling, you felt a rush of arousal dripping out of you. You realized then that you must have squirted on him. Oh my God, that’s new you thought. He licked it up greedily, and then pulled back with a smirk. He knew no one could ever own your body the way he did. 

Pulling you to your feet, he spun you around and bent you over the table. Legs already unsteady, you tried to stay upright as he spread you apart. You could feel his tip already rubbing against you, seeking entrance. “Need you now, please Santi,” you gasped, desperate to have him fill you up. He entered you slowly, but not for long. He put one hand on your hip and wrapped the other around your ponytail, pulling you back hard against him, thrusting into you so deeply you thought you could feel him in your stomach. 

You yelled his name over and over, unable to do anything else as he edged you closer and closer to paradise with every thrust of his hips. The sound of his sweat-slicked skin colliding with yours filled the room. He moved the hand that was on your hip up to twist your nipple, the other hand still tangled in your hair and pulling your head back. His thrusts became unsteady, and you knew he had to be getting close. You grabbed his hand off your breast and moved it down to your clit, holding it in place as you helped him rub circles on your already swollen nub. Your vision went white as your second orgasm crested, and if you weren’t bracing yourself on the table, you would have crumpled on the floor. He groaned your name as he also came, spurting inside you before gently pulling out. 

You stood up slowly, and he kissed you sweetly before walking over to the freezer. Opening the door and looking inside, he turned to you. “If this weather keeps up, we’re going to need another box of popsicles,” he said with a wink and a smirk.

#santiago pope garcia #triple frontier fanfiction #santiago garcia smut #santiago garcia x reader #santiago garcia x you #oscar isaac #triple frontier #triple frontier smut

[copperbadge]

[ID: The exit of the Louvre museum, a large room with a glass pyramid descending from the ceiling, letting in light but also dominating the room; in the foreground, people line up for entry to the museum as well.]

The Louvre, as a building complex, is kind of bananas. You have a very old building with a bunch of new stuff grafted onto it, but essentially it's a labyrinth like many old museums are. I did at one point do a complete loop of ten or so galleries by accident (which was how I knew I was getting tired and it was time to go). Currently there are also a lot of areas fenced off on a rolling basis, which makes finding a) things you're interested in seeing and b) a bathroom that is open and accessible both pretty difficult.

I do like that they funnel you out through a single exit and you can't get to the gift shop without exiting, because it keeps that part of the museum out of the way. But also it's hilarious because once you do exit, the Louvre dumps you out into a proper full-sized underground mall. I've never seen anything like it from a museum. I could have gone to like, whatever the Parisian equivalent of Hot Topic (Ot Topique?) was on the way out.

I had a really great time at the museum today, but it's definitely a more challenging museum than the Musee D'Orsay; it's more interesting but I think, perhaps, less fun. I missed almost all of the paintings because I was busy in the more ancient sections, but that's something for next time, and anyway those rooms were super crowded. I saw a lot of great sculpture and a lot of history (some of that is incoming eventually, prepare thy eyeballs) so I'm satisfied.

I'm not nearly done reading through the online records of the Louvre yet, so perhaps in another thousand pages of records I'll go again and have new stuff to see!

#sam travels #the cheese tour #paris #louvre

[brightlight-dazzlingeyes]

where the sidewalk ends | pablo gavi

🎃 synopsis: Sofie meets an ex-hookup during a Halloween party. The full moon is high in the sky, the Summer they shared is now only a memory, and there are weirder things to worry about. warnings: alcohol consumption, smut, spooky themes, social media, fluff (Wc: 3k)

(this is a sequel to ibiza night fever, but can be read as standalone)

|the playlist|

“But all the magic I have known I've had to make myself.” ― Shel Silverstein, Where the Sidewalk Ends

It’s finally October, every melancholic girl's favorite time of the year. After a breakup and a much-needed Hot Girl Summer, what Sofie needed was a Sad Girl Autumn, and she’s been taking advantage of the season.

She started doing yoga and has been reading a lot more; you can confirm that by checking her Insta feed – she’s been filling it with intellectual aesthetic pics.

Strolls through the park, loud sighs, pumpkin spice drinks—anything that makes her look like the protagonist of a pretentious European indie film.

Tonight, though, is a special night. Tonight Sofie is a sexy Barbie Cowgirl, and she’s accompanied by Black Swan, Sleeping Beauty, and Carrie. Or, Chiara, Luisa and Becca, as they are known the rest of the year.

It’s Luisa’s annual Halloween party. It’s been a hit since the first edition and the first time Sofie will be attending it as a single lady.

If the last few months have taught her anything, it is how to be casual, or at least how to appear casual. Sofie was focused on having fun, holding her phone in one hand and a gin tonic drink in another. She scrolled through social media while taking another sip. She wasn't trying to arrive already drunk at the party, only to loosen up a bit.

She and her friends have already posted their outfits; half of them were already at the party. Sofie took a deep breath, put away her phone and walked out of the door.

chiaraaraujo

liked by rebeccaamorim and 307 others

i am so stressed out #natalieportman

oliviaaraujo amen sister ⤷chiaraaraujo 🦢 ⤷sofiemartins 🦢🦢🦢

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rebeccaamorim

liked by pedri and 752 others

its halloweeen happy birthday stephen king

sofiemartins uhh so i just googled stephen king birthday and... uh... ⤷rebeccaamorim nah i got it right, shut up ⤷pedri 😂😂

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sofiemartins

liked by pablogavi and 326 others

🦄💗

luisafernandes girl marry me chiaraaraujo gatinha 🖤

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luisafernandes

liked by chiaraaraujo and 956 others

i'm your favorite disney princess 🩷

francisca.cgomes tão lindaa rebeccaamorim u the love of my life. fr.

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When Sofie walks into the party, she gasps with excitement. The decor was straight out of a Halloween movie. A fog machine was filling the room with mist, cobwebs were hanging all over the place. Jack-o'-lanterns grinned from every nook and cranny, their flickering faces casting playful shadows, giving the whole scene a spooky, dimly lit charm.

It was clear Luisa had gone all in to make this party amazing.

And the guests really brought their A-game in the costume department. Among the crowd, there was a wickedly realistic zombie, a time-traveling Doctor Who, a whimsical unicorn with a shimmering horn and even a comically oversized banana. The variety was as entertaining as it was impressive.

Music was thumping from the speakers, mixing old-school Halloween hits with some current jams, setting the mood for the night.

Sofie's eyes locked onto a familiar face in the sea of costumes – it was Pedri, dressed like a pirate and laughing at something Rebecca said. He looked a bit different since she last saw him, sporting a cool beard that suited him perfectly.

Sofie wasn’t surprised to see the two chatting; Becca and Pedri have been in a complicated long-distance situationship since they met in Ibiza, in the summer. But seeing the football player at the party gave Sofie goosebumps, as she tried to forget her own antics in the Spanish island.

She goes on to greet the couple.

“Cool beard, you really committed to the theme, didn't you?” Sofie jokes about his costume and Pedri laughs. “What are you doing in town, anyway?”

They were in Lisbon, far away from Barcelona, where he should be. Sofie half asks because she worries about her friend ending up heartbroken, but she’s mostly scared that his answer might get herself in trouble.

“We had a game here last night. Figured we could stay for the party.” Pedri winks.

We. There it was, what Sofie was scared of.

“We?” She asks, anyway, even though she knows the answer.

Pedri then tilts his head to the other side of the room, pointing at something. Or someone. When Sofie looks, she’s met with a figure standing by the door, somebody wearing a Ghostface costume. She rolls her eyes and looks back at Becca.

“I’m getting a drink, have fun you two!” Sofie says.

“Don’t get lost!” Becca yells and Sofie gives her a thumbs-up and a nod, but the moment she turns away, the music swallows her up. Luisa's mansion was like a maze. Sofie knew she was in for a tough time trying to do what Becca had asked.

The music was blaring, making it feel like she'd stepped into a nightclub. There were chill-out rooms with people sprawled on fancy couches, a glittering dance floor with a DJ dropping beats, and dimly-lit hallways that seemed to lead to who-knows-where.

Sofie's search for a drink brought her to a bustling room, where she was comforted by another known face, Chiara. She was dressed as Black Swan and deep into a lively, tipsy, philosophical convo with a small group of friends.

Sofie couldn't resist joining the shenanigans. "Hey, Chiara," she chimed in, with a wide grin, “what are you guys talking about?”

Chiara turned her swan-like gaze toward Sofie, her theatrical makeup adding extra drama to her expression. "Oh, you know, the meaning of life, the universe, and why we all wear costumes on Halloween," she replied, her words accompanied by giggles from her friends.

Sofie grabbed a chair and got cozy, all set to dive into the amusing and philosophical banter.

But the conversation didn’t last long; A muffled scream suddenly pierced through the party chatter, instantly grabbing their attention. Sofie and Chiara exchanged a concerned look.

"Did you hear that?" Sofie asked, her eyes darting around the room.

Chiara nodded, her curiosity piqued. "Yeah, that sounded pretty real. We should check it out."

They both rose from their seats, leaving their group of friends momentarily and headed in the direction of the mysterious scream.

Sofie and Chiara followed the sound down a dimly lit corridor. The place was spooky, and their nerves were on edge, so they just froze, waiting to see what would happen next.

They exchanged nervous glances, ears perked up, hoping to catch any hint of what had caused that scream. The whole scene felt like something out of a suspense movie, and they were bracing themselves for a sinister revelation.

“Hey,” 

The girls screamed at the voice behind them, as they jumped in shock. With a hand on her chest, Sofie took a deep breath, looking back to the figure standing now in front of her. Ghostface.

He took off his mask in a hurry. It was Gavi, and he tried to show them there was no need to be scared.

“It’s just me…” Gavi says.

Sofie and Chiara breathed a collective sigh of relief. Sofie was particularly happy to see that it was Pablo, and for a moment, she considered giving him a hug. But that thought made her freeze in her tracks, and her mind drifted back to their time in Ibiza, and the nights they shared. They hadn't talked since then.

“Is everything okay?” Gavi asks, torn between wanting to laugh at their reaction and genuine concern.

“We just heard something weird,” Chiara begins to explain.

Then, out of nowhere, loud banging noises erupted from the same place they'd heard the scream. The sudden, unexpected noise sent a fresh wave of tension through the group.

Sofie, swallowing hard, spoke up. "So, we came here to check it out..."

Pablo, shaking his head with a sly grin, says, "I don't know, I'm not super into the idea of investigating 'bang' sounds." He shot Sofie a knowing look.

“Do you think that that's somebody having sex?” Sofie asks, almost relieved at the possibility, since she had not considered it.

Chiara doesn't buy the theory, it doesn't sound to her like somebody is having a good time. “But if it's something serious, we should at least make sure everyone's safe." She says.

Pablo relented with a sigh. "Alright, fine. Let's check it out. But stick close, and let's not turn this into a horror movie cliche, okay?" He jokes.

With cautious steps, they followed the sounds down the corridor until they reached a closed bedroom door. The weird rhythmic banging noises were definitely coming from inside, and a mix of curiosity and fear gripped them.

Gathering their courage, they exchanged one last glance before Gavi, the designated leader of the group, slowly turned the doorknob. The door creaked open, revealing the dark room on the other side. 

When they pushed the door open, they were in for a surprise – a room filled with Roomba vacuum cleaners gone rogue. The little bots were spinning around, bumping into furniture, and beeping like they were part of some bizarre dance routine. It was like a small-scale robot rebellion.

Gavi burst into a loud laugh, "Seems like the robots have picked Halloween for their big uprising, huh?"

“That’s why I don't trust robots…” Sofie says, tip-toeing closer to Pablo, trying to avoid the bots.

“What about the scream?” Chiara couldn't help but bring up the initial reason for their investigation.

The group tenses up once again, remembering what brought them here in the first place.

"It was me," came a voice from the corner of the room. Luisa was sitting down, carefully wrapping a band-aid around her toes. "One of these things nearly took my toe out, and I don't even know how to turn them off."

With everything finally making sense, the group gathered their efforts to grab the rogue Roombas. After some trial and error, they successfully managed to turn off the little vacuum cleaners and carefully piled them up in a closet. 

luisafernandes

liked by pedri and 873 others

thanks everybody who showed up. it was the best halloween party ever. my vacuum cleaners literally almost unalived me. i love all of my friends so so much. happy halloween!

rebeccaamorim what was that in the middle? ⤷sofiemartins don't even worry about it pablogavi 👻 chiaraaraujo maybe like. get a broom or something

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Pablo and Sofie stayed behind after hushing the girls back to the party. In the dimly lit bedroom, it was just the two of them. Pablo sat at the edge of the bed, and Sofie stood by the window. They both felt the urge to talk but weren't sure where to start or what to say. The unspoken tension loomed in the room.

Should they bring up Ibiza? Or should they pretend like nothing happened? They exchanged glances every now and then but mostly remained silent as they gathered their thoughts.

"It's pretty crowded out there..." Sofie says, her thoughts interrupted by the party noise.

Gavi cleared his throat, nodding in agreement. "Yeah, I know... This is better. I prefer being alone."

Sofie couldn't help but giggle,"Well, you're not entirely alone. I'm right here, you know."

Pablo met her gaze and said, "When I'm with you, it doesn't feel like there's anybody else in the room." Gavi's face flushed like a tomato, and his eyes nearly popped out of his head when he realized what he had just let slip. "Do you... um, understand what I'm saying?" he mumbled, his words stumbling out as he anxiously awaited Sofie's response.

“I feel the same way.” Sofie says, her words escaping before she could even fully process what she was saying.

A palpable tension hung in the air as they locked eyes. It felt like an unspoken challenge to see who would look away first. It was like a silent game of vulnerability chicken, and neither of them was ready to blink.

In an instant, Gavi was right in front of her, his hand gently resting on her hips. His eyes pleaded for permission. Sofie, taken aback by his bold move, simply nodded, her eyes fixed on his lips.

He kissed her hungrily and passionately. Their minds immediately turned into a total mess, as they both desperately tried to savor the moment while also trying to let each other know just how much they'd missed this.

Sofie instinctively placed one hand on his chest, while running her fingers through his soft hair with the other. Pablo deepened the kiss, taking his time exploring her mouth and playfully licking her bottom lip.

He carefully guided her to the bed, lowering himself onto her. Their lips finally parted, leaving them breathless and flushed.

They stared into each other’s eyes intently. They couldn’t wait anymore. The desire between them was so strong, neither of them could speak. They both just wanted each other, no more holding back. 

Sofie grabbed him tightly by the neck, pulling him closer. After gasping for air, Gavi brought his lips to her again, his hands moving down her sides and gripping her waist firmly.

She took off her shirt and Pablo gently pulled off her lacy pink bra.

“I missed them so much.” Gavi jokes, looking at her breasts. Sofie gives a playful slap on his arm.

“I missed you too.” She whispers in his ears. She can feel the goosebumps all over his body as she says that.

“Are we really doing this?” He asks, tenderly kissing her neck. He can’t seem to keep his mouth away from her body for too long. He knows they don’t have much time together, he’s going back to Barcelona in the morning.

“I want you so, so much.” Sofie answers in between whimpers, she’s already too lost in pleasure to consider the consequences of what she’s doing.

“But we have to be quiet.” Pablo looks at her with a mischievous glint in his eyes. “If somebody hears us moaning, they might get worried for our safety.” He whispers. Sofie has to bite her lip to hold back a giggle.

“I can be quiet.” She promises.

Pablo enters her slowly, taking his time to enjoy every second of their reunion. They get lost in each other and it feels like their first time all over again.

She wraps her legs around him and digs her nails into his back, demanding more of him. His body starts rocking, slowly thrusting harder and faster until he loses control completely.

Their bodies move together easely. Sofie has to put a hand on her mouth to stop herself from crying his name out loud.

The sigh of her desperation is enough to drive him off the edge. He reaches down and starts massaging her clit, just like he knows she likes it. Pablo speeds up his pace, when he senses they’re both close to orgasm.

He collapses in her arms and Sofie holds him close as they reach their peak together.

They have their eyes closed and for a while the only thing on their mind is each other's heartbeat.

But then, Sofie feels her anxiety creeping in, and it is enough to break the magic surrounding them. "We should probably head back to the party," she whispers. To their ears, her words seemed louder than the music outside.

"Right," Pablo mumbles, eyes still closed, lingering in the moment for a little longer.

They quietly slipped out of the bedroom, making their way back to the party without exchanging another word. 

Even without speaking, as they get out of the bedroom, they share a sly, knowing look, hinting at the possibility of meeting again, without the need for words.

Sofie, without Gavi noticing, sneakily slipped a piece of paper with her phone number into his pocket.

#pablo gavi #gavi #football fanfic #pablo gavi fanfic #football fic #ibiza night fever #oc fanfiction #halloween fic #gavi fanfic #social media au #pablo gavi imagine #gavi smut

[every-aj-needs-an-angel]

Chapter 9!! I genuinely cannot believe I've actually kept up with this 😅 honestly I'm the worst ask every teacher who ever wanted coursework from me 😂 the love and support I've received from everyone who's enjoyed this has been mind-blowing and I'm so grateful to each and every one of you 💖

Betting It All On Love

Robin, surprisingly, took him shopping, which was only surprising because of how much she truly hated it. She hated the crowds and the trends the masses felt a weird compulsion for, and that was before she got on to the whole thing about consumerism. But she knew how much he loved it, knew how a new outfit could bolster his mood, how the hum of voices echoing through the space soothed something deep in his soul.

The one advantage to still having anything to do with his biological parents was that they still paid off the credit card they'd given him when he had gone on a class trip to the zoo in middle school, so on the rare occasion he felt the need to go wild in the aisles, he didn't feel like he had to feel too guilty about using it. Especially when that meant he could buy Robin the plaid coat she hadn't been able to take her eyes off of from the moment they'd walked into the mall.

Especially when she grinned like that at her every reflection as she wore it around the air-conditioned space, which was far too chilly for the tee and shorts combo she'd chosen for the day. Not that Steve was quite sure why there was a surf and ski clothing store in the middle of Nevada, but it didn't matter, he knew the coat would be perfect for when winter came to Indy. It hadn't been quite perfect in the moment, of course, and he was seriously considering giving in and just going into the nearest store to buy her yet another hoodie.

"Steve, I'm hot!" Robin whined as she wandered listlessly by his side.

"So take the coat off," Steve reasoned calmly, shifting the shopping bags in his hands to take some of the pressure off of his tattoo.

"But then I'll be cold!" she countered.

"Truly a cross to bear," Steve muttered under his breath, rolling his eyes to himself as he steered them back towards the souvenir stand; because no way we're they ever going to own another average hoodie, it was going to be the most disgustingly gaudy 'I heart Vegas' glaringly obviously touristy hoodie humanly possible. 

Except as they continued to stroll along their new route, it took them right past the food court, Robin enthusiastically exclaiming "Ice cream!" That was how they ended up crammed into a booth, the amount of bags they'd acquired practically pushing them off their seats, a giant bowl of banana split sitting between them as they both picked their favourite parts out of the dessert.

"So, how's things going with Chris?" Steve asked as he shoved a spoonful of strawberry ice cream into his mouth.

Robin nodded, chewing thoughtfully on the caramel coated banana, "Good," she admitted, blushing deeply and ducking her head. "She's amazing, Steve, I've never met anyone like her. She's like a ray of fucking sunshine, you know? Like the kind cats curl up in. Just joy and warmth and, I don't know, magic, or something," she gushed, waving her hands and her empty spoon around as she talked, saying more about her feelings than what was actually coming out of her mouth.

She bit the inside of her cheek but couldn't keep the lovesick grin off of her face as she stared into the distance, gazing vaguely at the lime green vinyl of the booth seat just over Steve's shoulder, "I swear to God, at Charlie's last night, I was this close," she pinches her finger and thumb together so there's only the tiniest sliver of light between them, "to asking her to marry me! And not just drunken Vegas marrying, like full on, come home and meet my folks, months of planning and white dresses, marrying. That's insane, right?" she asked, finally looking at his face.

Steve wasn't entirely sure how he was supposed to respond, part of him was insulted that she thought his marriage was less than because of how it had happened. Part of him was just incredibly proud of her. It was crazy, and it also wasn't crazy at all. Sometimes when you know you just know and given how long they'd all actually spent together, it wasn't like she was just jumping in feet first. Robin had probably spent more hours with Chrissy than she had ever spent with Sammi and that relationship had felt like it was never ending.

Luckily, he was saved from actually answering when, after swallowing another mouthful of partially melted chocolate ice cream, she jabbed her spoon at him and exclaimed, "And oh my god, Steve! In bed! The best I've ever had!" And Robin might've continued to elaborate on that, but Steve had unceremoniously dropped his spoon to cover his ears and “la la la” loudly until her lips stopped moving.

It was a running joke between the two of them, the first guy he'd been on a date with after Billy had been phenomenal. Alex had blown Steve's tiny small-town mind, and even though they’d both agreed that their relationship would only ever be a casual hookup, it hadn’t stopped him from wandering around for three whole days like he was on an actual cloud. Robin had quickly become sick of his permanent grin and had asked him "what the fuck he had to be so happy about?" She hadn't liked the answer and ever since whenever either one of them went into specifics about their love life that was what the other one did.

She laughed, and he did too knowing full well she'd tell him, in intricate and unnecessary detail, all about Chrissy's skills in the bedroom as they finished their shopping spree; they still had to find Dustin’s book after all, and they both knew he would listen while she gushed about what an incredible lover she'd snagged, and he'd try desperately not to be green with envy that she'd found the love of her life and was actually going to get to keep her.

They didn't talk about Eddie, he could tell she wanted to, she kept opening her mouth to ask questions and then just snapping her jaw shut and carrying on, distracting him with pretty things and tasty foods. Part of him was glad. Part of him wanted to talk it through with her. Part of him just wanted to enjoy time spent with his best friend and live in the delusion that everything was fine. He had no doubt there'd be plenty of time to talk about it when they got home, even if Robin and Chrissy immediately moved in together, and he had to learn to talk to Chrissy the same way he talked to Robin (which he honestly didn't think would be that difficult) he had no doubt that they’d make space and time for him to mourn his loss, and maybe even mourn it with him.

At least with Chrissy across the hall, he'd finally have someone to watch sports with again. Chris' taste in sport had so far been Robin's only complaint. She'd been excited to finally find someone she was attracted to who actually liked sports but had been quickly disappointed to find out that Chris preferred watching basketball and the NFL like Steve, which meant that Robin still wouldn't have anyone to watch soccer with.

Even though Steve was always happy to watch it with her, he just didn't share her enthusiasm for it. That was the thing that apparently baffled Robin, because “how could any self-respecting bisexual not enjoy a field full of men in tiny shorts chasing a ball?” And honestly, it was the chasing the ball part that seemed to be the off-putting bit. It kinda felt more like watching golden retrievers in the dog park, and although the whole point of football and basketball was to get a ball in a goal, he was proud that neither were a game a dog could play.

As he was ambling around the bookstore looking for the fantasy section, it occurred to him that it would probably be the last time he’d be asked to do anything like this for the kids. Not that you could really class a bunch of twenty-somethings as kids anymore, but it occured to him somewhat horrifyingly that all of them were about to start going out into the real world. They’d all soon be grown-ups and would soon have to deal with all the problems that came with being an adult that were coming for them thick and fast. Real relationships and jobs and rent, for most of them this summer would probably be their last one at home with their parents.

It might even be the last summer he had a chance to see some of them ever again. Max still wanted to go home to her dad and the chances of him getting an invitation to California were probably slimmer than he’d like to admit. As he picked up the copy of Earthshaker he’d been searching for, he vowed to himself to spend more than one weekend back home before they all headed back to college. Take his camera home, organise a big party, and tell them all how much he loved them. It’d be fine, the summer wasn’t over yet. 

Robin interrupted his rapidly derailing train of thought when she came bounding around the bookshelf, a stack of books cradled to her chest like a newborn. He purposefully didn’t ask, especially when he could see that the one on the top of the stack read ‘Nuclear Medicine In Tropical And Infectious Diseases’. He just grinned knowingly and waved Dustin’s book in the direction of the register, mainly because they both knew full well that given the opportunity, Robin could and would happily spend the rest of their vacation immersed in the endless racks and shelves. 

He did, however, self indulgently snag the latest Jackie Collins novel to add to his growing collection as he passed by the display. Sweet old Mrs Johnson had been the one to get him hooked. She used to read them when she would babysit, at first to herself, but then there’d been a bad storm one weekend when he was six and the electricity had gone out for hours. It was winter so although it had been early in the evening, it was dark and he was scared. But Mrs Johnson had just pulled him into her lap and let him curl into her while she read by candlelight.

He hadn’t really understand the story itself, but she had had a nice voice, and he had liked listening to her read. From then on it had been what they had done on rainy days. In fact, the weekend before she had died, it had been stormy, and they’d spent two whole days curled up in her favourite armchair in his living room while she read to him.

The books had made him mad for a while, after she’d left him, but then when he was older and trying to navigate high school he quickly realised he preferred the salacious crime novels to Shakespeare or Chaucer that were, as far as he was concerned, basically the same thing but written in another language. It hadn’t been until he was older still that he realised that some of the characters in those books had also been vital in helping him create the King Steve persona that kept him safe for four years.

 

Steve hadn’t realised how quickly the day had disappeared until they made it back to the hotel. Not that he minded, his stomach full from the tacos they’d been unable to resist, and he’d had a wonderful day with his best friend.

They’d bought so many things that even in the short walk from the lobby, his fingers had started to take on that distinctive claw shape as the handles had dug into his skin. Sighing heavily in relief as he finally released the bags onto his bed, and again in frustration as Robin cheerfully tried and failed to check their voicemails, nearly making a collect call by accident. He used his one still fully functioning finger to press the necessary buttons, flopping down next to his best friend on her bed.

Beep. “Hi. It’s me. Chrissy,” she paused giggling to herself, “I hope you two are free tonight! Meet by the creepy looking goat statue at six?” she sounded so happy and hopeful, Steve couldn’t keep the endeared smile off of his face. Robin almost cut the message off before Chris had had chance to finish, and he couldn’t help feeling like a bit of a hero when he stopped her movements just in time to hear “Okay, see you soon. I love you!” Beep. 

Robin’s eyes immediately bugged out, if she wasn’t careful it was likely they’d fall out of her head altogether. She glanced franticly between Steve and the phone, her whole demeanour screaming “You heard that, right?” Steve grinned and jostled her playfully, enjoying the deep blush on her cheeks and her silent fluster as she processed what she’d heard.

Not that they really had time for an emotional crisis, “Come on, blushy! If we’re meeting at six, that only gives us half hour,” he reasoned, flipping himself off the bed and heading to his wardrobe to find his black pinstripe shirt and dark jeans. He had no idea what they would be doing, but it’d be a fine outfit for an evening in Vegas.

He was standing over the sink adding some serum to his hair when he heard her mumble from the doorway, “Isn’t it a bit early for ‘I love you’?” She sounded so small and hesitant, he dropped his hands immediately, stepping over to her and wrapping his arms around her shoulders, being extra careful not to get sticky fingers on her fancy blazer.

“Is it ever too early to say how you feel?” he asked, pressing his cheek against the top of her head.

“I don’t know” Robin muttered glumly, grabbing two fistfuls of the back of his shirt and scrunching it between her fingers anxiously. “There’s no way she meant “I love you” right? I mean, she can’t be in love with me, Evie. It doesn’t make any sense! We’ve known each other for what? A few days! There’s no way she could… She must’ve meant “love you” you know? Like in a friend way,” she rambled frenetically; whether she was trying to convince him or herself, he really couldn’t say.

Steve hummed thoughtfully, “Does it feel like love in a friend way?” he asked evenly.

She scoffed harshly like he expected her to, “No! But she wasn’t just talking to me, she was inviting both of us,” she pointed out.

It frustrated him how easily she could convince herself that people couldn’t possibly love her. He sighed heavily trying really hard not to roll his eyes, “She was talking to you,” he affirmed, because he had heard that message, and contrary to popular belief he wasn’t actually stupid, and he’d witnessed with his own eyes how crazy Chrissy was about her, how crazy she was about Chrissy.

Huffing loudly, she removed herself from his hold, so she could look him in the eye “But it’s been days!” she whined, still trying to convince someone that the facts weren’t the facts, probably because she was actually just kinda scared.

Steve just shrugged his shoulders, “Yeah, but how many hours has it been? How many hours did you spend with Mickey? You were in love with her. How is this different?” he asked, rather reasonably considering she was driving him up the wall because how could she not know by now how easy she was to love.

“Does sleep count?” she asked, wincing even as the words fell out of her mouth.

He laughed dryly, “No, Robbie, you can’t count hours you weren’t conscious for!” he deadpanned, tugging her back into his chest before she could start pacing like a caged tiger.

She made a pained sound in the back of her throat as she leaned heavily into him, gripping the sides of his shirt, moving her fingers around as she counted against his ribs. Eventually, after at least three recounts, she huffed the way she always did when he was right for a change.

“Do you think maybe you’re freaking out because you feel that way too?” he asked calmly.

“Maybe,” she muttered sighing heavily like she was holding the weight of the whole world. He knew he’d hit the nail on the head when she huffed a frustrated breath through her teeth and pushed him off, “How would you feel if Eddie said that to you!” she accused, pointing a finger at him.

Steve snorted derisively, too tired to be anything but honest, “Honestly, I’d be fucking delighted. I’m so fucking in love with him, it’s insane!” he admitted, trying desperately to ignore how whiney and pathetic he sounded.

All the fight dissipated out of her as he spoke, her eyebrows scrunching together in sympathy, “Really?” she asked softly, a pained look taking over her face when he nodded solemnly, “Have you told him that?”

Steve snorted a humourless laugh, “No! Jesus, Bobs, I’m not a complete fucking idiot!”

“But you just said--”

“Yeah! Because it’s obvious you feel the same way!” he yelled, not entirely sure why he was shouting. It wasn’t her fault he’d got himself all tangled up in infatuation again, “Sorry,” he muttered.

Robin wasn't fazed though just waved off his apology and raised a singular eyebrow at him, “And it’s not with Eddie?!” she asked condescendingly, folding her arms over her chest.

“No!” Steve exclaimed, because it was very unobvious, thank you very much! Robin didn’t argue with him, just threw her arms in the air like he was being the frustrating one, tutting and heading back into the bedroom to finish getting ready, leaving Steve to deal with the silence and his half serumed hair.

Chrissy, as it turned out, had procured tickets for a boxing match of all things. It wasn't something neither he nor Robin ever would've chosen, but apparently Chris' best friend from her cheerleading days, Beth, was now a ring girl, and she had pulled some strings and got them into a private box. They had their own bar and a balcony view over the proceedings, meaning they could see everything without getting coated in blood, it was different but once-in-a-lifetime experiences were kinda what Vegas was all about.

Robin was leaning with her back against the bar, Chrissy curled into her running her hands up and down the lapels of Robin's jacket, both of them giggling and whispering like schoolgirls. As much as he was glad Robin seemed to have overcome her earlier conflict, he was starting to find it all a bit sickening. It wasn’t their fault, and he wasn't really mad with them at all, he'd just been in a terrible mood since bickering with Robin and the dark cloud hanging over his head had only worsened when Eddie hadn't been waiting with Chrissy in the lobby like he had hoped.

He'd offered to go back to the room, part of him wanting to let them have a night to be together, the other part just wanting to be alone so he could sulk some more, but neither of them would let him. They’d giddily pulled him into their hold, linking their arms with his and practically frog marching him out the front door of the hotel and into the waiting taxi. 

In the seclusion of the private space, however, and with two or three shots in each of them, both girls had dropped all their inhibitions and seemed to have forgotten all about him. Honestly, he’d never been a third wheel before, not even with Tommy and Carol but he was seriously starting to feel like he should go home and call Barb and apologise for every time he and Nancy had made her feel how he was feeling because maybe he was technically married, but he’d never felt more single or more alone.

He sighed heavily, snagging a beer from the bartender and heading out onto the balcony, leaning heavily against the railing surveying the crowd below him. The venue was packed, not a single empty seat to be seen anywhere, which struck him as odd because the match wasn't due to start for at least another twenty minutes, and he'd been to enough ball games in his life to know that normally there was a mad dash to grab your seats before the game actually kicked off; but apparently the ring girls were supposed to be their entertainment, like some sick warm-up act.

The last time he'd seen a crowd as rowdy was at the strip club when he'd been inexplicably invited to Mark's stag do. Mark was his dad's number two, the guy being lined up to take over the company when his old man finally bit the dust. The bloke had spent the whole night weirdly trying to rub it in Steve's face how close he and his dad were, only finally shutting his mouth when after four beers Steve had lost his temper and had casually asked: "So are you sucking his dick, or--?" Mark had blushed furiously, started stuttering and stammering and had quickly disappeared. Steve had just downed the rest of his beer and hailed a cab, heading home to Robin to bemoan a wasted Saturday night.

Robin had whined about how it hadn't been fair that he'd been invited, but she hadn't. Everyone at the company had assumed they were a couple and after their first few jobs together they'd learned to just stop correcting people. Mainly because if they didn't their coworkers wanted to know why there weren't dating and usually "because we're like siblings" wasn't a good enough answer and then they had to deal with months of constant badgering and peer pressure to hook up. Robin had been right, of course, she would have enjoyed the strip club far more than he had. Personally, he thought grown men drooling over a half-naked woman, especially ones young enough to be their daughter, was a little grim.

A petite brunette who he assumed was Beth when she'd bounced up and down waving excitedly to him as she had headed into the ring, and her friend, who were both dressed in nothing but a metallic bikini and high heels, seemed to be enjoying themselves, however, especially when Beth's friend caught the attention of a stag do sitting in the front row. 

The groom-to-be was obviously a high school jock surrounded by his "bros" and by the looks of things, either his father or the father-in-law-to-be who was glancing anywhere but at the ring, looking like he’d rather be anywhere else. It made Steve shudder to think that if his life had gone a little differently, if he and Nancy had stayed together, if he'd stuck with Tommy and the team, would that be him now? Would that be his dad? Or worse, poor Ted? 

Thankfully he didn't have more time to dwell on it when Robin appeared next to him bumping purposefully into his side, swapping his empty beer for a cold one with a gentle smile. Chrissy quickly joined them on the balcony carrying a beer and a tray of nachos to share, shouting over the noise of the crowd to explain the rules to Robin when she had asked how they'd know who won.

Steve knew Robin knew the rules of boxing. Mainly because her grandpa had been an Olympic boxer, but he wasn't about to call her out on it. Plus, he liked how patient Chris was with her, he thought it was sweet when he wasn’t busy being a grumpy bastard.

The ring girls left the ring, Beth waving enthusiastically, shooting Chrissy a few hand gestures that Steve didn't understand but made Chrissy belly laugh as she headed out of sight. Then it was time for the match to get started; two gigantic blokes followed by a team of helpers charging into the ring, bouncing on their toes next to the smallest ref Steve had ever seen.

There was a bit of chatter and then the bell dinged, the ref moved, and the giants started to dance around one another, sizing each other up and dodging a few hits before the real action started. One hit, two. The excitement of the crowd and the anticipation were getting Steve's adrenaline pumping. 

That was why he jumped three feet in the air when he felt hands land on his waist (that's what he told himself anyway).

Eddie laughed brightly as Steve spun around, his hands raised placatingly, "It's only me!" he yelled, giggling adorably. He smiled, placing a careful hand on Steve's shoulder and squeezing some of the tension out of his shoulder blade with gentle fingers. Slipping Robin a placating smile as she no doubt glared at him over Steve's shoulder. He elbowed her absentmindedly, giving her a look that said "eyes on your own date!" before turning his full attention to Eddie.

Steve was honestly kind of dumbfounded by Eddie's presence, when Chrissy had been alone in the lobby, he'd just assumed that Eddie wouldn't be joining them at all any more. He wouldn't have been at all surprised to find out that Eddie had packed up and gone back to Indy with Dan, even if he had spent the past half an hour trying desperately not to think about the implications of that. Especially when Chris had deliberately not said anything when Robin had asked the only question that had been on Steve's mind, “Where’s Eddie?” 

Even a foot away Steve could tell something was off, Eddie’s eyes were puffy and bloodshot, and he’d done a terrible job of trying to hide it behind a thick layer of eyeliner. There was a permanent red patch down the side of his nose, like he’d scratched or rubbed at it too many times, bursting the tiny blood vessels. His hair was overly oily at the roots like he’d spent the day running his fingers over his scalp and his fingernails were bitten down to the quick; the skin looked painful to even look at and Steve had no idea how he’d dealt with acetone and nail polish to repaint his nails.

It was the gasp of the crowd reacting to the first real punch landing that brought him back to himself. Steve glanced behind him in time to see blood pour from the slightly taller one's mouth, followed by cheers and screams as the smaller of the two landed a second punch.

Steve shook his head, immediately turning back to Eddie, "Hi," he mumbled in astonishment.

Eddie smiled cautiously, "Hi," he greeted, stepping closer and reaching up to tuck a loose strand behind Steve's ear, "I'm sorry I'm late," Eddie yelled over the roar of the crowd, "Can we talk? After the match?" he asked nervously.

Steve's brain very obviously and very quickly went to the worst case scenario, that Eddie was here to officially ask for a divorce, but his poker face must not be what it once was because Eddie cupped his cheek gently forcing Steve to meet his gaze, "No! Nothing bad, I promise. I just want to tell you about my day, maybe we could go for that dinner we talked about?" he asked hopefully, pulling Steve’s SuperEl shirt out from behind his back and offering it to him.

Steve blinked at the shirt for a second and felt the smile tugging at his cheeks threatening to split his face in two. Hope starting to bloom unchecked in his chest, making his heart skip out of beat. Eddie's hopeful little smile had been the most adorable thing he'd seen since he'd seen him drooling into his pillow that morning.

Eddie beaming back at him when Steve nodded bashfully, nervously tugging the collar of his shirt through his fingers, came in a close third. Eddie’s hand got dislodged from his face when his head automatically flicked back to the action when the crowd let out an elongated "ooh!" as one of the boxers went down hard. 

Steve took the opportunity to take Eddie by the hand and lead him out onto the balcony, leaning against the railing to face the action, waiting for Eddie to mirror him and get absorbed in the match, then turning to watch Eddie react with the most adorable second-hand winces as the smaller boxer tried and failed to get up.

Steve quickly found himself wanting to watch Eddie more than the fight. He tried to stealthily turn his whole body so he was leaning sideways against the railing. The metal bar digging into his ribs a painful reminder that he was here and this was real. That Eddie was with him, and he wanted to go to dinner and talk. That he wanted to tell Steve about his day! Wanted to take him on a proper bonafide date! Because he’d brought Steve his shirt. Honestly, he’d forgotten that he’d even left it in Eddie’s room. The thought that he must’ve hung it up in the closet for him, so it wouldn’t get wrinkled was so sweet it was making his heart want to burst out through his chest. 

He knew he must look like the worlds most lovesick fool stood staring at Eddie's profile like he was the most beautiful man on the planet (which he was) and like he was the luckiest man alive to even be in Eddie’s presence (which he was) but he just couldn't find it in himself to care, he was going to take this moment while he could and store it in his heart forever.

The bell dinged again and Eddie looked over, flicking his eyes down noticing Steve's posture and smirking to himself. Steve felt the blush creeping up his neck and turned back to the action, forcing himself to not push himself too far into Eddie's personal space, but he needn't have worried. As soon as Steve was settled against the railing again, Eddie threw his arm around his shoulders, jostling him lightly and smiling joyfully at him, pressing a gentle kiss into his shoulder.

As the match went on Eddie's arm slowly slipped down his side holding onto his waist, then slipped further down to his hip where Eddie gave up and just hooked his thumb through Steve's belt loop, tucking his chin over his shoulder and pressing the odd kiss to any bit he could reach but just staying as close as he could, curled tightly into Steve side for the rest of the night; until the bigger of the two boxers had been knocked down for the final time, and it was time for the masses to disperse.

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Part 10

tag list my beloveds @estrellami-1 @gregre369 @adhdsummer @nerdfighteratheart @anaibis @dolphincliffs @hbyrde36 @marinarasarah @deadflowercollector @lunabookworm @a-couchpotato @wonderland-girl143-blog @ddharrington @abstractnaturaldisaster @lololol-1234 @bestwifehaver @steviejeebiez

#you know i proof read these things to death but tense changes and punctuation are my kryptonite!! #i'm just going to post this before i edit it again. sorry if there's any mistakes #steddie vegas au #steddie au #steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #robin buckley #chrissy cunningham #platonic stobin #platonic hellcheer #background buckingham #steve's pov #aj writes

[familyvideostevie]

Just some lovely, sickening post-story established relationship fluff would be AMAZING… I love no good at waiting so much 🥺

thank you for reading!! here's a little scene of steve x bee girl spending a morning together that winter :)

fluff, [0.7k], a no good at waiting one-shot | au masterlist __

Though Steve has assured you multiple times that the barn loft is well insulated, you are finding winter mornings to be almost unbearable. Well, maybe that's dramatic. But you can feel a chill in the air without the warmth of him next to you in bed.

You're due for your shift at the library soon, but Steve begged you to stay for breakfast first. Apparently, El made banana bread last night in the main house, so he went to fetch some.

Sometimes when he leaves you in his bed you think back to Halloween, how he must have run back up the stairs with sweets in hand and called your name to an empty room.

You promised not to leave him like that again. Not to leave him ever, you mean but didn't say. So, as a selfish extension of that promise, you hardly leave the bed until he's back. Some of Steve's heat lingers under his comforter with you, heat you curl into and find it hard to sleep without these days.

Everything smells like him -- the sheets, the pillows, the fabric of the hoodie you're wearing with nothing underneath. You're even wearing his socks. Maybe it's time to ask if you can keep some clothes here. He's got a drawer at your place, after all.

"I'm back!" Steve calls, the door swinging open. He's been gone for maybe ten minutes max, but you missed him even still. The sound of his voice, full of adoration and excitement to come back to you makes your heart flutter.

"Still here," you call to him like you always do. "Still cold."

He laughs. "I don't know how hungry you are, but I got like, half of the loaf," Steve says. You hear him toe off his boots but can't get a good look through the cubed shelves that separate his bed from the kitchen. "Are you coming over here?" You groan and toss the covers away, the colder air making you shiver. The clock on Steve's bedside table reads 7:45 am. You don't have to leave until 9 to make it to work, but Steve is used to getting up early.

You catch Steve in a yawn when you step into the kitchen. His hair is still the mess it was when he woke, cheeks pink from the cold his glasses askew and nose scrunched as he takes you in, expression fond. You yawn in reply and rub your hands over your arms to emphasize that you're cold. "Aw," he pouts teasingly. "'C'mere."

He opens his arms and you step into them without hesitation. You rest your head on his shoulder as his hands rub up and down your back gently, his breath synching with yours.

It's a nice moment, sweet and lovely until --

"Steve!" His hands are like ice on your lower back, so shocking that you push further into his chest to get away instead of jumping back. He cackles before pulling them back, running them up and down your arms instead.

"Sorry," he says, not sorry at all. He kisses you to make up for it, a soft but quick peck before he turns to unwrap the banana bread. "I think it's got chocolate chips in it." He makes quick work of grabbing a knife and cutting off the end for you, which he knows you like best.

"Oh my god," you moan. "This is the best thing I've ever put in my mouth." Steve has the nerve to frown.

"Really?" he says. You ignore him.

"Wow," you say. "Fuck me." Steve's nostrils flare. Then he takes a bite.

His eyes widen. "Oh, that is really good, actually." You both chew in silence for a few seconds before you realize his pupils are a little big.

"Steve, are you seriously turned on by me eating banana bread?"

"You were moaning!" he says. "Plus, you're cold. And I know how to warm you up." He wiggles his eyebrows and you roll your eyes. "How much time do you have?" You turn his wrist towards you so you can see the time.

"An hour, maybe?" he says. He reaches out to gently wipe away a smudge of chocolate from your mouth with his thumb. He makes. a show of licking it clean, eyes on you the whole time. Despite his juvenile antics, you feel the hook in your belly jerk.

"Fine," you say. He cheers. "But a hot shower after!" He surges forward, cold hands on your face this time but you don't pull away as he kisses you sloppily.

"Whatever you want, honey."

#steve harrington x reader #steve harrington fluff #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington x y/n #steve harrington x you #steve harrington x fem!reader #steve harrington fanfic #no good at waiting

[kodared]

☆ Welcome home Neighbor~! ☆

Howdy is tasked with finding a way to supply you with clothes, Sally has joined your party Chapter 3/? Word Count: 1954 Out of 6215

Human Reader/ Welcome Home

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Chapter 3:  …you are tended to by Howdy and Sally until Wally is notified of the situation by Eddie, Suddenly this doesn't feel right. 

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….The spare clothing that Howdy had mentioned at one point sounded like a blessing until you realized the man had two sets of arms and legs. Which somehow only dawned on you after he offered them to you. 

“Ah… Sorry Howdy, I don't think I can fit into these..” 

A small grin took hold of your face as you held up the absurdly large t-shirt. If it wasn't already for the fact you didn't have two sets of arms, the shirt wouldn't have fit you anyway. 

“Oh… Sorry about that Neighbor! Eddie, would you happen to have anything?” 

Eddie solemnly shook his head,  

“Im afraid none of my clothes would fit Y/N either, maybe Sally could stitch them an outfit or two!” 

Sally? That was a new name, which meant it was once again another puppet you would have to meet. This was getting absurd, 

“It's alright really! Howdy do you have any spare fabric and a sewing kit? I'm sure I can fix my pants up myself-” 

“Nonsense! Eddie! Could you go fetch Sally! I'm sure she would love to meet you Y/N!”

…These puppets were getting on your last nerve. Your social battery was running out fast and the idea of meeting the whole neighbourhood was not one you were fond of. At least not in one day.  

Before you could protest, however, Eddie was already out of the door, seeming to take off in a full sprint down the street,

  “...Why is he running?”

Howdy returned to his place behind the counter, pulling a rag out of his pocket and absentmindedly cleaning the top of the counter. 

“Thats Eddie for ya, I can't say I've ever seen him not running, unless he's with Frank of course,” 

Frank was another new name to you, but you were not about to ask who he was, you barely wanted to meet this Sally person. 

The hunger that was once gone had returned with a new vengeance it seemed, your body was finally retaliating at you for neglecting to eat for this long.

“Say Howdy, could I buy some food? I haven't eaten in a while,”  

You chose to keep it short and sweet as you walked over to a shelf and observed it briefly, you were sure Howdy wouldn't mind anyways, this was a store after all. 

“Of course! Have anything ya like!” 

With Howdys permission you picked a few food items off of a shelf, you chose to keep it light since you didn't know how long it had been since you ate, and you weren't keen on getting a stomach ache. 

    You set a banana and an apple on the counter after much consideration, 

“What do I owe you?”  

You had already begun ruffling around in your pockets for the wadded-up five,

“Hmm… how about an Answer!” 

…. 

You looked at Howdy for a minute, contemplating what he meant, 

“...What?”

“I ask you a question and you provide an Answer! Only seems fitting for how little I know about you Neighbor!” 

“...And if I answer your question I get my food?”

“Yep!” 

…. 

‘You guessed that was fair’ you thought as Howdy began to bag up your apple and banana, 

“Alright, what's your question Howd’s?” 

If Howdy had noticed the nickname he made no remark on it, instead opting to tap at his chin in contemplation, 

“Hmm... Well, I guess it's only fitting to ask how you got here! And if you don't mind me asking what you are?” 

“Mm that was two questions Howd, But to answer your first question..” 

you looked at Howdy trying to figure out how to phrase how you got here to him, you didn't know just how much you wanted to reveal to him. Yet at least. 

I mean, if you were to tell him you were trespassing onto a Studio that animated and puppeteered him, you wouldn't know if he would call you insane or if it would shatter his world as he knew it. 

So you opted for lying, 

“I got lost in the woods looking for my cat,”   You said as you shrugged your shoulders, Hoping he would believe you, 

“I'm sorry to hear that Neighbor! Lucky for me to have found ya then!”  

A small exhale left your nose as the tension left your shoulders, he bought it, which was good. You couldn't help but feel bad for lying to Howdy when he had been nothing but nice to you, but you would tell him eventually. 

“And to answer your second question,”  You began as you grabbed the bag and pulled out the banana, 

“I'm a human, which is basically... Hm.. hard to explain, I'm like you just a bit different”

Maybe it was the hunger talking but this was a damn good banana you thought as you took a bite out of it. As you looked up you saw Howdy trying his best not to stare as you ate,

“If you got any other questions ill be happy to answer Howdy, just count it as... Store credit!” 

 You hadn't expected Howdy to take it seriously, the guy's eyes lit up and his antennae perked slightly, looks like you were in for it now. 

“Of course! I do have another question, why do you need to eat?” 

…

Okay, so he was going for the hard questions now, 

     “Well, it's like…”  

 You were honestly stumped on how to explain organs and bodily functions to a puppet. 

“It gives me the energy I need to function, so if I wasnt to eat for long periods of time I wouldn't be able to walk or talk,” 

“That makes sense! Now what if-”  

The dinging of the store doors being opened stopped Howdy from continuing his flurry of questions, looks like you were saved by the bell this time, 

“Oh. my. STARS.” 

…

Maybe you weren't saved after all. 

You couldn't even fully turn around to greet her before you were basically tackled into a hug, in your quick thinking you put the banana back in the bag before it could be dropped.

  “You are more spectacular than I could have ever imagined!”   

 You looked down at the girl who had pulled you into a hug. She appeared to have a star-shaped head with… really colourful clothing. 

If she was going to be the one making your clothes you could only pray she wouldn't make your eyes bleed. 

“Haha, yeah I'm hearing that a lot around here…” Trying your best to pry the girl from your waist you let out a small uncomfortable laugh. 

“Oh my! Where are my manners! I'm the one and only Sally Starlet!”

Free at last from the girl's hug, she moved on to firmly shaking your hand dramatically, she seemed to be overflowing with constant energy as she bounced on her heels.  

“Nice to meet you Sally, my names Y/N” 

“Oh, what a lovely name! Now I hear you are lookin’ for some new clothing, just leave that to me! You'll be looking amazing in no time!” 

You looked towards the door expecting to see Eddie, but he was nowhere to be found, 

“Hey, Sally, Wasnt Eddie with you?” 

“Hmmm..” She seemed to be lost in thought as she tapped her chin dramatically letting go of your hand finally. 

“I think he went to get Wally! But don't worry about him, we need to get you into new clothes stat!” 

Before you could protest Sally took hold of your hand again, taking you towards the back of Howdys store where you could see a door labelled “Howdy Only!” 

“Hey wait a minute!” 

—------------------------------------

Sally had laid a wide array of clothing seemingly out of nowhere for you to pick from before shoving you into Howdys bathroom to change, As you looked in the mirror you realized just how much of a mess you were.

Your hair was a complete mess, not to mention the dirt that caked onto your skin and the uncomfortable feeling of scabs on your body. 

After wiping as much of the dirt and scabbing off as possible, You chose an outfit that would cause you as minimal eye damage as possible and stepped out of the bathroom. 

“EEEKK!! Look at you!! You look amazing!!” 

If it wasn't for your hands being busy trying to put your jacket back on, you would have covered your ears at Sally's squeal.  

“C'mon C'mon! We gotta show the others!” 

Others? Surely you weren't in the bathroom that long… right? 

You were swiftly proved wrong however as you stepped out of Howdys office to see a few unknown faces, the feeling of cold dread grasping at the back of your neck again. 

You saw Eddie and Howdy of course, but now there seemed to be a grey puppet with a very prominent frown, 

And a very familiar figure with yellow skin and a blue pompadour. 

“Everyone! This is Y/N!” 

If they were talking to you, you couldn't hear them. The feeling of a panic attack once again made you freeze as you tried to press yourself against the door behind you. 

You thought you had gotten used to their stares but you felt that sinking feeling you felt in the warehouse all over again. 

“...Neighbo…? Ar.. Alright..?” 

Howdys hand at some point went to place itself on your shoulder, your eyes darting back to his in an instant, you could tell he was talking to you and you could make out some words, but your breaths became wild and you felt lightheaded. 

The feeling of fleeing was taking over again, but right before you could put your plan into action it looked as if Howdy was… shooing people out? That was new. 

His eyebrows were creased and he looked worried as he glanced at you every now and again, moving to pick you up from the ground, when did you fall over? 

He set you carefully on top of the stool that was behind his counter, one pair of hands holding onto your shoulders and the other holding your hands. 

“Dee… Breaths… Thats it... Just calm down Neighbor..” 

It took a few minutes to fully calm you down from your panic attack, but with Howdy grounding you through touch it helped pull you back to reality. 

“ M’sorry Howdy... I think I just met too many people today... Got overwhelmed.” 

“That's alright! It is gettin' late anyways, you need to get some rest, meetin’ the rest of the Neighborhood can come tomorrow!” 

As much as you knew Howdy was trying to comfort you, that thought provided you none. 

“Ha.. yeah, ill meet them tomorrow..” 

“Now, If you would like to you can stay with me in the bugdega, M’sure I have a spare cot for ya! Or Sally would be more than happy to offer you a room!” 

Seeing as you just met Sally, you would much rather stay with Howdy for the night, 

“Yeah, I think ill stay with you Howdy, thank you again, for everything,” 

“Don't mention it! Let me go get it all set up, don't run off!” 

Howdy gave you a playful wink and you caught yourself letting out a laugh, what a weird bug. 

You lay your head down on the counter, looking out of the glass doors at the dim sunset. At least for now, you had a place to stay, but you couldn't take your mind off of your friends back at home. 

Your mind quickly grew foggy as your eyelids drooped, the adrenaline and panic from the day clearly taking a toll on your body. 

As well as your body feeling lighter as you drifted into a dreamless sleep, you couldn't help but also notice your pockets felt significantly lighter. 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

As Always my Ao3 Is updated much more frequently than my Tumblr! [Although I'm starting to really enjoy Tumblrs formatting...]

Feel free to Request Welcome Home Oneshots! I'd be more than happy to Write them! ʕ •ᴥ•ʔゝ☆ https://archiveofourown.org/works/46521304/chapters/117211732#workskin

#howdy pillar #sally starlet #wally darling #howdy pillar/reader #eddie dear #eddie dear/reader #welcome home #ao3 #ao3 link #Updates #Welcome home Neighbor #Welcome home

[sophisticatedyet]

if anyone's having a bad day, let me run you through what just happened to me. (content warning for rotten food.)

so, it's 1pm and I'm experiencing a wave of work-related procrastination that's enabling me to get chores done around the house, like empty the food waste bin in the kitchen into the bigger bin outside.

because it's been about a week since I last took the bins out, the food at the bottom has been in there long enough to rot causing the compostable bag its in to also start decomposing. no biggie, it happens: I grab another compostable bag, tip the bin on its head to avoid touching the icky rotting food, chuck a couple of very old bananas from the fruit bowl on the top, tie it off, and throw it in the outside food bin. great job me!

a little while later, I go to reassemble the kitchen bin and the lid's... not... there? it's not anywhere in the kitchen? the answer to the mystery where this lid has gone immediately presents itself to me, but I reject it and do another look, until I can't deny the obvious, and go check the outside bin.

to set the scene: it's a really nice, sunny day today. it feels like the first proper day of spring we've had all year. wildlife abounds: there are butterflies feeding on the cherry blossoms, the fish in the pond have come out for the first time since autumn. the bin is made of brown plastic that's warmed nicely in the afternoon rays. there's a little cloud of flies buzzing around me as I approach.

I open the bin and there, straining against the bags, is a corner of the lid.

there's nothing for it at this point, I'm not buying a whole new food bin because of my stupidity, so I rip open the first bag, BUT remember how I cleverly double-bagged the waste to avoid having to touch icky food? oh-hoho. I hate myself.

but fine. whatever. I rip open the next layer, like I'm playing the world's worst game of pass the parcel. this layer has been marinating in bin juices long enough to revert to a texture that's difficult to describe, but it's how I imagine an organ feels to the touch: slippery and wet and hot. at least it falls apart quite easily (along with my mental state).

I grab what I can of the lid and try to pull it out, but it only slides a few centimetres before jamming to a halt on the three rotting bananas that I added to the pile at the last moment. I try to wiggle them out the way but they aren't budging so I pinch one between my thumb and index finger. It's old enough that the skin slides away immediately, and my fingers sink into the meat of the banana. THIS is an easier texture to describe: it feels like warm snot. (I am reflexively crying at this point.) still, now that the skin it out the way, I can force the lid through the mucus. i have to repeat this process two more times before finally, the lid is free. (there's something on my finger, and I genuinely don't know if it's a grain of rice or a maggot.)

the saga's not entirely done, though, because the refuse collectors in my area don't take your food waste if it's not bagged, and I now have a bin full of scraps of plastic and a heap of rotten food. I use some egg shells to scoop up what i can and throw them into the gaping hole at the top of the bag and then it's I'm done.

obviously, I immediately run inside and start scrubbing my hands. something weird is happening, though: there are these spot of brown-and-yellow that just. won't. come. off. it's literally like I've super-glued rotting food to my hands?????

...I turn to look at the table.

...at the superglue I had been using thirty minutes earlier to fix a clasp on a broken box.

i am beyond tears at this point: the whole situation has gone past through horrifying into an absurdity so profound I must be dreaming.

I eventually scratch off the super-glued rotten food from my fingers (I don't know how long it takes me because I have detached myself from reality) and then wash my hands another hundred times before finally sitting back down at my computer because it's 2pm and a work day. I read half an email, before I'm interrupted by a strange noise that sounds like a gentle trickle of water. I turn around and my cat is in her litter box, butt positioned just on the edge, pissing directly onto the floor.

#i was just going to tell the groupchat but i decided it was so vile i had to inflict it on as many people as possible #when i promise you not a SINGLE bit of this is exaggerated #this is a factual retelling #long post #cw: rotting food

[annionebutme]

To help the drought, here is a little snippet of a thing I've been occasionally working on when I have thoughts

Voldemort/Harry Au where Voldemort is desperately seeking his soulmate who really, really does not want to be found.

The night his life was ruined, the Dark Lord Voldemort, future ruler of Wizarding Brittan, sipped his ale quietly. He did not normally partake of ale but for today he would have a half pint or two to please Evan. He'd been coming to this dingy pub in The Knocks for years now, desperate to find an occasional escape from his followers inane nattering during their slow, careful infiltration of the Ministry. That occasion had slowly gone from monthly to twice weekly, more if he could get away with it. He enjoyed the atmosphere immensely. It was the kind of place where most of the patrons knew each other well enough, and got on despite some dramas. There was none of the bitter in fighting and rivalries, but there was enough leave yourself to yourself that Voldemort was not expected to participate in any of the interactions he witnessed. Though he was always well recived when he did. All of this was due to the strict oversight of the patrons bythe barkeep, Sam, also known as Sam-on on account of the vibrant orange fake tan that he maintained even through the winter months. Though the person that really brought him back each time was the server.

He was far from Evan's only admirer, most of the women and so inclined men had noticed him as he'd grown from the tiny, too skinny brat who flinched at any angry voice to the confident server flirting with customers. He'd been so terrified of Voldemort's alter ego, Anthony, at first that he could hardly bring himself to ask for the man's order, which made him one of the few who could still sense the danger of his magic even through the dampening spell. It was the one reason he didn't just write the boy off as useless. Watching him closely had revealed small feats of wandless magic intended to be secret, a quick wit, and a high tolerance for hard work and pain.

The disbeliving voices that rang through the pub indicated that another fool had taken up the chilli challange. It was Evan's idea. Anthony mouthed the words along with him as he set it up. "50 galleons to see if you can withstand a chilli better than me. If you get to the end of the row, which noone ever has, it's 5 miniutes without aids before you win. No popping off to the loo either. Win and get double your money back plus free drinks for your table all night. Lose, and your money and dignity are both mine." Evan had, to Anthony's knowledge, never lost this particular bet. It was always a pleasure to watch the short, still skinny young man completely annihilate his far tougher and rougher opponents. Often while mocking them.

Recently he's begun offering a kiss with his mouth still full of painful chilli to anyone brave enough. No one ever takes him up on it. Anthony would, in a heart beat, if only he could get over his anxiety somehow. Evan was his first experience with romantic attraction and he was completely terrified that any wrong move will send him straight for the hills.

Enjoying the crush was more than enough in it's own right for now. Being able to imagine taking him up on the offer to the cheers of the bar, experiencing the desire to impress someone that he hadn't felt since childhood, his habit of ordering another drink he knew he wouldn't finish just to get one last smell of him for the road, and the deep satisfaction of being able to watch the object of his affection freely were such new and unique feelings for him that had taken him until the past year to even recognise it for what it was

Peppers lined up from mildest to hottest and money counted and on the table for effect He settled himself in to watch the contest only for the idiot who challenged Evan to start sweating after the banana pepper. It was an easy victory, over quickly. Harry took a big bite of the final pepper, a Bhut Jolokia, and offered a kiss first to his opponent then to anyone else.

It would be such a small price to pay, one day. He ordered his last drink, last smell. Evan was covered in a thin layer of sweat that glistened like silver under the worn material of his shirt, which fell in just the right way to let Anthony see down to where the flush from the chilli ended, just for a moment. He left a bigger tip than normal in exchange.

He walked a few blocks to the designated apparition point, enjoying the cool air on his skin after the heat of the pub. Once home he wasted no time, climbing straight into be while Evan's sent was still fresh in his mind. He imagined Evan putting on his Ultra confident persona for him, letting his shirt fall, and asking "Is there anything else you'd like to buy for the night?" Voldemort would whisk his prize away to the manor and never let him leave, but Anthony might fuck him in the alley behind the bar while imagining doing it on his usual table for everyone to see.

It was a good life with simple joys and all of his dreams , right up until Yaxley pointed out that he had "Harry James Potter" scrawled across his left hand.

#harrymort #harry potter #ao3 #fandom #fanfic #tomarrymort #voldemort #monstermort #this one is planned to be angsty as fuck #if its still down in the morning ill post the next chapter of keep me safe #it's very pornography. you'll like it.

[angelosearch]

Okay I promise this is the last time I post my dumb not-ff8 on this blog and I'll make a sideblog. BUT

So one thing about me is that I have a big practice of journaling. I have journaled on and off for the last decade and very consistently in the last five years. I journal to track my moods, which helps with my bipolar disorder. I journal because I read an essay once on how it makes you a better storyteller and I need that energy. In the last four years, I've journaled because I've been on a mental health journey and it's nice to see where I've been (journaled and journey both have jour- in them... hmmm). In that same four years, my memory has gone to shit and journaling helps me look up stuff I've forgotten.

I love my journaling practice. And my favorite part of my journaling practice is my New Year's entry. I've been doing a letter to myself on New Year's for a long time. I learn a lot by reflecting on the year and planning for the future, and it's interesting to see what changes from year-to-year.

Then, three years ago, I found a beautiful journal that I decided to dedicate specifically to my New Year's entries. Once I did this, I went bananas. It was no longer just an entry, and it was not just about reflection and planning. No, it's a full-on mixed-media art project with hand drawings and photos and stickers and magazine clippings. I document my favorite moments and recap my year all while trying to utilize as many of my craft supplies as possible. It is basically a scrapbook of my year. I am so glad I started doing this and it really feels like a gift I give to myself every year.

Anyway, every year has a cover page (this time I did a spread) and a theme. In 2021, it was the year of the frog. 2022 was the year of Transformation, Exploration and Discovery. 2023 was... my Hot Dog Era.

Not perfect but this spread DEFINITELY captures 2023 for me. I just wanted to share.

I am finally done with all my pages for 2023! Time to write my first journal entry of 2024!

#art therapy #my hot dog era #collage #mixed media art #journaling #new year reflection

[j-a-nuary]

Date Roulette: Jiyong

Tuesday

Intro Week Start

Seungri Week Start

Daesung Week Start

Taeyang Week Start

Seunghyun Week Start

Jiyong Week Start

Next

=====

Warning level: suggestive (higher end of suggestive)

=====

I woke up with my head smushed against Jiyong's shirt, and his arms wrapped tightly around my body. Which is to say: I woke up confused. I remembered everything, but I couldn't really make sense of it.

I was not the type to back down from a building argument. At least, I tried not to be. And kissing him again? I knew how I had gotten there, but in the light of day I just couldn't make the logic work out the same as it had last night.

But I could work that stuff out later. Right now, I had to peel a human banana clip off of myself and track down a production… assistant? Director? It occurred to me that I didn't actually know what Chul's job title actually was.

Again, not a priority at the moment.

I shook my head, trying to knock loose the cobwebs that had accumulated in there overnight. I immediately regretted the action as an invisible band tightened itself around my temples.

Muffling a groan, I rolled towards the edge of the bed, finding my escape from his clutches easier than I had expected.

Jiyong only let out a soft whine, but stayed asleep. I grabbed one of the pillows and pushed it towards his arms. He readily accepted it, pulling it into his body in a stranglehold.

=====

Once I was above deck, I located a staff person that I vaguely recognized. I had seen her around a few times, typically with an assortment of cords in her hands.

This morning however, she was leaning against a railing. In one hand she had some sort of snack bar, in the other she seemed to be scrolling through sns.

As I approached, she gave me an apologetic look - covering her somewhat full mouth and bowing. I waved a hand and shook my head, hoping I was coming off as nonchalant and not grimacing too much from the growing dizziness between my eyes.

"Sorry for interrupting," I started, "I just wanted to know if Chul is around."

"Mm," she paused, finishing chewing before continuing, "he's still downstairs. I guess he's got motion sickness pretty bad."

"Ah," I frowned, "I was hoping to talk to him before everything really got started today."

"Hmm…" she looked a little unsure.

"Please."

After a second, she nodded. "I'll show you," she offered.

I followed her back below deck.

=====

The room was smaller. Substantially so. Obviously meant as staff quarters.

It annoyed me, but I figured I'd gone on enough anti-capitalist tangents before. Besides, if Chul wasn't feeling well there was no reason for me to bring more negativity to him.

I also had something more urgent to address.

Chul looked like shit. He was rumpled. Hair stuck out at odd angles, wrinkled clothes, and that wince of illness. He was busy shaking some tablets onto his hand.

"Hey," I took a seat on an empty bunk, "anything I can do to help?"

He shook his head, wincing again.

"I've got dramamine and pain killers," he huffed, "I'll live. What's up?"

I sunk into myself slightly, feeling a little guilty that I was - once again - coming to him for a favor.

"I…" I paused as another staffer came in for a moment. They grabbed a bag and left without a word. Wordlessly, Chul handed me the bottle of pills. Taksen. I took two, nodding in thanks as he handed over a bottle of water as well.

I waited an extra second after swallowing the pills before starting again.

"I'm worried about this week."

Chul nodded, silently urging me to continue.

"I woke up and…" I blinked, brows dipping as I thought it over again, "I can't make sense of last night."

"Yeah," he agreed, "I didn't expect you two to get over things so quickly."

"Exactly!" I nodded - ignoring the headache, "it's like Ji… he just knows how to get past my guard somehow."

Chul hummed, a thoughtful look taking over his features.

"But… what does this have to do with me?" He asked.

"I… I don't know. I just wanted…" I frowned. What did I want? Someone to keep an eye on me? Someone to talk to?

"I just wanted to know if I was crazy or not for thinking it was strange."

He laughed. Not at me. More of a what can I say sort of laugh.

"The whole thing is strange. Has anything happened to you this last month that isn't strange?"

I rolled my eyes, huffing at him and crossing my arms.

"Okay," I conceded, "but this is extra strange. I couldn't stand his jealousy, but one conversation later I let him sleep in my bed?"

Chul lifted an eyebrow, teasing me.

"Shut up," I snapped, "nothing happened. Just sleep."

He shook his head, raising his hands as if showing his innocence.

"But it's still weird!" I pushed. "I remember the conversation. That one bit shouldn't have been enough."

He sighed, shrugging.

"This whole thing between you two has been a roller coaster. Maybe this is just another up."

I groaned, but didn't speak. He had something close to a point.

"You just have to survive a few days. Tomorrow is a group day, then Sunday as well."

"You know that this won't just end on Sunday," I grumbled.

"True," he leaned forward, patting my knee reassuringly, "but we can worry about that next week. For now, let's just focus on today."

"Fine," I agreed, "but just…"

I stumbled over my words again.

Luckily, Chul knew what I was getting at.

"Hey, I can always make up some technical interruption if you need me to. Not forever, but for five minutes at least."

I nodded. Standing up, I placed a hopefully not overly familiar hand on his shoulder.

"Thank you Chul," I squeezed his shoulder slightly, "seriously."

He nodded.

=====

I had hoped that Jiyong would be gone by the time I returned to my cabin. Or at least still dead asleep. Instead he sat up when I entered, pouting over my pillow at me.

I froze, just for a second. Thankfully, he seemed sleepy enough to have missed it.

"You left me alone," he croak-whined.

"I figured you could use the sleep," I shrugged. I sat on the edge of the bed and hauled my backpack from where I had stashed it on the little armchair yesterday.

His pout stayed in place as he shoved the pillow behind himself and lifted his arms towards me.

"Come back to me, my love."

I cringed at the endearment. It sounded hollow somehow.

"Luna?"

I looked up, meeting his gaze. His eyebrows were drawn together, and he appeared to be giving me a thorough looking over.

"Hmm?"

He didn't immediately answer. Instead, he sat up and leaned forward. Supporting himself on his knees and one hand, he reached forward and pushed the hair out of my face.

"Are you not feeling well? I'm sure I have medicine or something with me."

I shook my head, pulling away from his hand.

"No," I turned my attention back to my bag, "I already got something from Chul."

Jiyong crawled forward, invading the space next to me.

'What did he give you?"

I shrugged, still searching through my bag. "Just something for my headache. You know how it i- Ah there it is!"

I held my toothbrush aloft in triumph.

Jiyong smiled, presumably at my antics, but continued his questioning.

"But what specifically?"

"Why does it matter?" I retorted, moving towards the ensuite so I could finally brush my teeth. I laughed at Jiyong's expression, now looking extra concerned. "I doubt he'd try to drug me or something."

"Of course," he nodded slowly, "he'd have to be a psycho to do something like that."

He moved awkwardly, getting himself untangled from the bed so he could follow me.

"Still," he took up residence behind me now, sneaking a hand around my stomach as I brushed my teeth, "it might react poorly with that tea."

I rolled my eyes at him through the mirror. I felt crowded, but resisted the urge to push him away. Maybe it was the… was this a hangover? PMS? Regardless, there was an uncomfortable feeling lingering through my body that I couldn't help interpreting as danger.

Jiyong took my lack of rejection as encouragement. He hooked his chin on my shoulder and lifted his free hand to brush my hair back from my face.

"I want to make sure that you're safe, my love."

That was going to get real old, real fast.

I shrugged myself from his clutches, spitting and rinsing my mouth before speaking.

"It was just Taksen," I turned to face, fixing what I felt was the fakest smile I had ever worn onto my face, "I'm sure I'll be fine Ji."

=====

We had lunch on the boat, a vegetarian take on naengmyeon.

"You know," I broke a not quite awkward silence as we ate, "I used to hate soup."

Jiyong looked up from his dish, frowning slightly.

"I'm sure they could make something else."

"No," I shook my head, "this is fine. I just was against soup on principle."

Jiyong blinked, squinted, and finally placed his elbow onto the tabletop and his chin into his palm.

"On principle."

It wasn't exactly a question, but it was clear he wanted further information.

"Well," I lifted my spoon, observing its contents closely. After a moment, I downed the liquid before continuing. "Soup is different back home." I held the spoon up, now watching the way the sunlight reflected off its surface.

Jiyong patiently watched my antics.

"Mostly it just seemed like someone made a meal and then," I shrugged, "decided to put it in water."

Jiyong looked down at his own bowl, brows drawing together as he considered the food before him.

"How is that different than this?"

I shrugged again. "Soup here seems to be done on purpose."

His frown deepened for a moment. Then, after shaking his head, he burst out laughing.

"What?" I asked, unable to remain serious in the face of his outburst, "what's so funny?"

"I just," he shook his head again before leaning forward and resting his chin in his palm, "never know what you're going to say next."

A month ago - hell even a week ago - I would have expected that sentiment to be accompanied by a frown. Disapproval of what and how I choose to be. Now however…

He seemed to have forgotten his food, simply gazing at me with something like wonder writ across his face.

"Eat," I nodded towards his bowl.

His smile deepened. Shaking his head, his lips parted to speak.

"I-"

"Don't tell me you're full by watching me," I cut him off. "You need to eat."

He let out an abrupt laugh, but lifted his spoon regardless.

=====

I wasn't sure if it was exactly typical for yachts to pull up on Sindo. From what I could see, the boat that we were on was the only non-ferry visible. There was some discussion between pier staff, show staff, and even Jiyong himself at one point, before we were able to fully… park? I made a mental note to look up proper boating terminology.

Something about the way that Jiyong returned from the conversation sent a flag up in my mind. He looked sheepish, but happy - victorious, but a little shy. He had a bounce in his step that translated to his silly straw sun hat flopping slightly as he approached.

He looked like a dad on vacation that had just gotten a bargain.

"Is everything okay?" I asked as soon as he was close enough to talk to.

"Yes," he quickly answered. "I just have to, ah…" that slightly embarrassed look replaced his smile for a second.

"You didn't bribe them, did you?"

He laughed, but didn't answer. Not directly anyway.

"The manager's wife is a fan," he explained. "I just offered to sign a picture."

I squinted at him, trying to play up my disapproval.

"Jagi~," he stepped closer and wrapped an arm around my shoulder, "I got us a spot, right?"

I pursed my lips, letting out a "hmmph" noise.

"I did well," he wiggled my shoulders back and forth, teasing, "right jagiya?"

"I guess it's okay," I gave him a sidelong look, "as long as we're not breaking a law or anything."

A slightly confused look took over his features for a moment as he tilted his head.

"I don't think so," he murmured, "even if there is one, it will only be a fine."

I sighed deeply, remembering a phrase that my friends back home and I used to say pretty often: 'Punishable by a fine' just means 'legal for rich people.'

=====

We navigated renting some scooters, including two bigger ones that were more like golf carts for the staff and their gear, and headed out. It was already near noon when we had arrived, so we stopped in a small cafe for something to eat before heading towards Modo.

It was something like a break, but not really. Jiyong had suggested we share a scooter, but I had wanted a little bit of extra freedom.

"Think of the show," Jiyong pouted.

"I am," I countered. "Just imagine how fun it will be for the audience when I inevitably run off on my own and you have to chase me down."

I heard Chul snort out a laugh somewhere off camera at that.

"My love," Jiyong's pout deepened, "think of the way their hearts will flutter when you put your hands around my waist."

I shook my head, rolling my eyes for good measure.

"That's actually dangerous. If anything I'd have to grab your hips or shoulders," I shrugged. "Holding your waist messes with your center of balance."

The pout was gone. In its place was a blank stare, seasoned by a few blinks.

In the end, I allowed him to "convince" me. Truth be told, I was beginning to have a headache again, and I figured I might be better off if I let him "drive". I also begged another painkiller off Chul, who made a point of holding the back of his hand to my forehead and squinting at my eyes and hands.

"Do I pass the inspection?"

Chul's eyes narrowed, "for now. Here."

With that, I was handed a tablet, a bottle of water, and a helmet before settling in behind Jiyong on the little moped.

=====

The air on my face felt nice, doing a little bit to clear the ache in the center of my forehead. It also helped that most of what I could smell was salt, mud, and algae. I breathed deep, shutting my eyes to block any potential motion sickness from compounding the horrendously loud pounding of blood in my ears.

I was a little disappointed at missing most of the view while we rode. I had searched the island online when the plan was initially proposed and knew that I was surrounded by greenery and farms. I hoped I'd be able to see them on the way back.

At first, I was a little bitter about going to Modo with Jiyong. It was on my list, buried in my liked photos on my private Instagram. Somehow, I doubted Jiyong knew that though. Much more likely was the chance that he simply looked up day trips on the islands and things to do.

Not that that was a bad approach. I had simply been spoiled by Seunghyun and Daesung's attentiveness.

I allowed myself a moment of malcontent before convincing myself not to let petty details ruin Baemikkumi for me.

Getting an afternoon snack also helped. I excused myself to the bathroom after ordering, taking an extra moment to pat some cool water over my face and neck. The day was hot, extra humid due to being on the series of islets.

It also gave me a moment to respond to messages that I had been ignoring.

From: Hugeboy Any clarity on that mysterious situation you were in? σ(^_^;)? From: Hugeboy Ah… I know you're probably just busy but still it feels a bit… From: Hugeboy I want to call you From: Hugeboy But I don't want to be a bother From: Hugeboy I miss you ｡･(つд`｡)･｡ From: Hugeboy Maybe I should be embarrassed about saying that From: Hugeboy No! I don't care if it's embarrassing! From: Hugeboy I! Miss! You! ♡♡♡♡♡ (*T^T)

I couldn't help but to half smile, half pout, at his messages. Reading back over them I couldn't help but feel a little bad about not having responded. Still, I supposed I had a pretty good reason. At least on Sunday.

To: Hugeboy Would you believe me if I said I miss you too? To: Hugeboy I had a sort of… medical issue?? To: Hugeboy Nothing serious. Just stress. To: Hugeboy Honestly, I think I'm still recovering.

For perhaps the second time ever, he didn't instantly respond. Well, that's only fair. I checked my other messages.

From: Zico You know what I'm going to say, right? ㅋㅋㅋ From: Zico I think he's really lost it this time From: Zico Seriously… are you a witch or something? ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

That last message had been accompanied by a blurry video of what appeared to be Mino. He sat with his phone in his hands, staring at it with an obvious pout on his lips. I couldn't truly make out what he was saying, but I could tell it was something like:

"... doesn't… nothing…"

A few seconds before the video ended, a new message came in from Zico.

From: Zico

I would ask why Mino just texted me asking for advice on playing it cool, but I think I already know the answer.

I snorted a laugh and quickly typed a reply.

To: Zico Why should he start now?

To: Hugeboy I like that you're embarrassing~~ ♡ To: Hugeboy Better to be embarrassing and real than to be cold and uncaring From: Hugeboy Fine! I miss you more than makes sense (*T^T) From: Hugeboy When can I see you? To: Hugeboy I don't know. I'm sorry. From: Hugeboy It's not your fault ＼(_ _) To: Hugeboy Still… To: Hugeboy I have to go. I'll message you again soon I promise.

With that, I clicked my phone back to locked, and headed back outside.

=====

Jiyong insisted we rehydrate, a set of iced teas mixed with fruit juice already on the table when I returned.

"Making sure to take care of me?" I teased him.

"I always take care of you."

At Jiyong's suggestion, plenty of photographs were taken. Primarily of me. I did offer a few times to take pictures of him, but he'd simply shake his head and say he had enough photos of him to last a lifetime.

That seemed both reasonable and a little unfair. Not to him. He was right. Nobody needed more photos of him. But it was unfair to put me in the spotlight with so little warning.

Once we were in the park, it was every few minutes with him. He'd point at something and ask me to pose next to it. As if I knew the first thing about posing.

I tried to push the negativity out of my mind. For years I had been the photographer for my friends. Ninety percent of the photos that existed of me were mirror selfies, or taken using a makeshift tripod and the timer function. I took a moment to be grateful for the influx of proof of life provided over the last few weeks.

Besides, the picture of me being held in giant metal hands did come out nicely.

=====

Just a short while later, Jiyong was sulking.

Well, not actually. He was playing it up for sympathy, scowling as the yacht pulled closer to the dock on the mainland. I pretended that I hadn't noticed.

"It's a shame," I said as casually as I could.

I was rewarded with shining puppy eyes from Jiyong.

"We didn't even get a chance to go into the ocean water this whole time."

Jiyong grimaced. Obviously, this was not what he had been hoping to hear. No doubt he would have liked for me to say I wished we could spend another night on the boat. Or perhaps that I didn't want to return to the house.

Truth be told, I was itching to get into the giant tub in my room. I couldn't wait to stretch out in a familiar bed again.

But the summer sun was still well above the horizon, so I was willing to bet that the approaching dock was not the end of the day.

=====

We ended our day at a bar masquerading as a barbecue restaurant. Nothing fancy, thank god. Just a little meat, a few vegetables, and a small gas fire to cook them over.

And soju.

Of course soju.

I contemplated the mushroom tipped shaft before me, pretending to ignore the shot that Jiyong had placed beside my plate.

"Come on," he whined slightly, meat tongs now back in hand. "Don't make me drink alone."

I sighed, biting the earthy brown cap off the skewer in my hand before turning to down the drink.

"That's my girl."

I made a point of rolling my eyes at his words. He just laughed and tossed back his own drink.

He's in a good mood. We had been in that weird confrontation for so long that I had forgotten about this version of him. Relaxed, happy, not mistaking jokes for attacks - this was the version of him I had fallen for in those early days.

"Hey."

I blinked, shaking my head slightly as I came back into the moment. The cup next to my plate was full again. I reached out to take it, but two fingers fell across the top to stop me. Looking up, I saw Jiyong watching me with that soft look he had been wearing for the last two days.

"Where'd you go?"

The seat I was in didn't really have a back to it, otherwise I would have leaned back. As it was, I supported myself with an elbow on the edge of the table.

"I was just thinking. About the beginning."

A moment of silence passed between us then. For me, it was reflective. For him… well…

He shook himself out of it and set the food aside so it didn't burn. After making sure everything was safely set, he sat down facing me. He shuffled to the edge of his seat and reached forward to grab the legs of mine to pull me closer.

"What?" It felt like a reasonable enough question.

"It can be like that again, jagiya."

He picked up my hand from the table, winding it into his own. His thumb brushed over my fingers for a moment before he pulled my palm to his cheek. Quickly, he pressed a kiss against my hand before securely holding it against his skin.

"I can make it like that again," he stared, an intensity that made my skin flush but also crawl.

"Ji," I tried to pull my hand away.

"No," he renewed his grip, pressing another kiss against my fingers before continuing, "I'll do whatever I need to do to make you realize that it should be me."

I experience an odd mix of reactions to that. My neck tensed, hairs prickling up off my skin as if his words had sent a cold breeze across my back. I felt goosebumps raise over my arms.

On the other hand, my stomach swooped and fluttered. A warmth spread down from my gut, part of my body clearly reacting well to the earnestness of his words.

"Just let me prove it to you this week."

=====

I silently wished that we had taken one of the company cars to the pier yesterday. Not necessarily one of the giant vans, but just something with another driver. A chaperone.

As we hadn't, I was stuck in Jiyong's car with him. Not that I thought he'd do anything too scandalous. There were still cameras in his car after all.

No, it was a more internal issue than that. With an external cause. That I was internally incapable of solving.

Jiyong's hand was on my thigh.

Which was fine. It was fine. It was a respectful enough distance between my knee and my hip. It was simply resting there, largely inactive save for a few swipes of his thumb over my skin. It was fine. I could deal with this.

Except for that gut churning warmth from before that was still sitting behind my waistband. Except for the tell-tale sensation of my body preparing itself for something that it was not going to get.

But it was nice. In a way.

I glanced at Jiyong, which may have been a mistake. I don't like to think of myself as being shallow but good lord the budding tension would be easier to prune back if he wasn't so fucking pretty.

=====

Finally we were back home, as much as that word meant anything anymore.

I was glad to be back in the house. I tried to remember where I was in my cycle. Had I last had my period during Seungri's week? Maybe it had been Daesung's? It wasn't totally out of the question that my hormones were simply amped up.

It usually wasn't this noticeable though. I was overtly aware of the wetness between my legs. Every step I took was accompanied by a naggingly persistent glide of self-lubricated flesh.

In a number of different situations, it would be titillating. In this one it was almost concerning.

"I'm going to head to bed," I was perhaps a bit curt with my words, but I was aching to get into the bathroom and clean myself up.

"Are you feeling okay?" Genuine concern filtered through Jiyong's words.

Maybe I wasn't doing as good of a job covering as I had thought.

"I'm fine," I cleared my throat. Doing my best not to meet his eye, I came up with a weak excuse. "I'm just tired from traveling and everything."

In the periphery of my vision, I was aware that he was nodding. I pretended to focus on putting my shoes away neatly.

"Jagi," his hand found my wrist, "I…"

I forced myself to meet his eye. He really was so fucking pretty.

I wasn't aware that my mouth had opened until I felt his thumb brush over my bottom lip. When had his hand reached my face?

Against my better judgment, my tongue dipped out - primarily to wet my lips, but incidentally lapping at his skin.

He even tasted pretty.

This close, I could see the blemishes underneath his makeup.

"Oh you guys are back."

Jiyong pulled away from me, scalded by embarrassment or annoyance.

Taeyang stood in the openway, in all the glory of what I was sure was one half of a matching couple's pajama set, holding a glass of water. His eyes shifted between the two of us. There may as well have been chemical formulas flying around his head with how hard he was staring at us.

Good lord I was glad to see him. His presence had been exactly the shock I needed to escape whatever was going on with me. Hormones, alcohol… whatever it was, I was glad for the distraction.

"I'll go first," I mumbled, carefully avoiding touching either of them as I moved.

=====

My body bounced with the force I had thrown myself at the mattress. The inspection I had given myself in the shower had confirmed what I already knew. I debated texting Daesung, weighing the chances of us somehow getting caught. Typically I'd have no problem staying quiet, but with how amped up I was… there was really no telling.

Though I had teased him about tying him to the bed. What better time to try it than ri-

My thoughts were cut off by a tapping at the glass doors. Scrambling for decency's sake, I retracted my hand that had been making its way between my legs of its own accord. I tightened my robe around myself before pulling the curtain aside just enough to see who was there.

I was greeted by raised eyebrows paired with one hand holding a bottle, and the other holding a pair of wine glasses. The eyebrows jumped comically. Laughing, I took a step back and unlocked the door to pull it open.

"I thought you might need to debrief."

I shrugged, making my way to the seat by the vanity.

"It's legitimately strange how well you know me sometimes."

Seunghyun just smiled as he toed off his shoes and slid the door shut behind him. After being prompted by a pointed nod from me, he made sure the curtains were back in place as well - a shield for our private conversations.

"I heard he took you on a boat," Seunghyun stated it like a fact, but I could tell he wanted confirmation.

I hummed, watching him uncork the bottle and pour us both a glass. His fingers were deft and swift. They moved with confidence through the series of motions.

"-by? Yah…"

I shook my head, pulling myself back to the moment.

"Sorry," I frowned, "what were you saying?"

He chuckled, holding a glass out towards me. I stood to take it, standing perhaps a little closer to him than was absolutely necessary.

He held his glass towards me. Raising my own, I lightly tapped it against his.

He gave me a pointed look.

"No," I said, "you should drink first oppa."

He raised an eyebrow at that, but he also raised his glass. After allowing him to take his time to taste the wine and swallow, I spoke up again.

"How is it?"

"Jammy," he said after considering his words carefully, "a little tart. Not bad."

I hummed.

He had to have known what I was doing. No way was I subtle about it.

He didn't stop me though.

I couldn't really make out such details that would lead to the descriptor of "jammy", but I could taste the remnants of sweetness and sourness well enough on his tongue.

After a moment I pulled away. Lifting my hand, I thumbed away an invisible droplet from his lips. The thumb was then placed against my own, my tongue coming out to taste it in a much more acceptable adaptation of the earlier moment with Jiyong.

Trained as they were on his face, it didn't escape my eyes the way Seunghyun's attention was locked onto the movement.

"Put that away before you cause trouble," his voice sounded strained when he spoke.

"Hmm…" I smiled up at him, "don't want to."

He took a moment to carefully place both of our glasses further back on the vanity. Straightening up afterwards, he took another moment to look me over. One of his arms looped around my back, pulling me close as his eyes ran over my face, neck, and assorted other spots of exposed skin.

Eventually, his eyes landed back on mine.

"How are you feeling?"

What a loaded question. I had already been fighting a losing battle against an unexpected wave of arousal when he showed up. I was a little embarrassed that all thoughts of Daesung had been pushed from my mind until this exact moment. That of course led to a brief detour into shame. That particular spiral was then cut short by how good Seunghyun's fingers felt on my skin when he reached up to brush my hair from my face.

His stern features were soft. It was a look that I kept seeing from him more and more often. A look I could see myself getting used to.

A look that simplified my answer.

"Good."

He nodded, serious as ever.

"A little more…" I tilted my head, thinking of how to describe it, "awake than I expected," I admitted.

There was a moment then. We both seemed to be waiting for something, but I didn't know what that might be.

It turned out to be my tongue. Once again, I slid it over my lips. More from nerves than anything else.

Seunghyun dropped his head slightly to press his lips against mine.

I hoped he wouldn't hold the sound I made against me. It was embarrassing enough just to have such a strong reaction to him. My head spun, thinking about the ups and downs of our dynamic over the last month. Or maybe it was from the kiss itself.

We had kissed before. Obviously. But this was different. This was a fight against a riptide, and I was more than willing to drown.

"Baby," Seunghyun was mumbling against my lips.

I groaned, annoyed at the attempted interruption.

"Baby."

He forced us apart this time. It was like he was determined to ruin the vibe.

"What?" I couldn't help the annoyed tone that slipped into my voice.

Confusion flashed over his face for a moment before he hardened his gaze.

"What happened?"

I blinked. I was not following his train of thought at all.

"What… you mean with Jiyong?"

He nodded, solemnly watching me.

"Nothing," I shrugged. "We went on a boat, we went to a sculpture park, we…"

I cut myself off. Did it really matter? A momentary lapse in judgment in a yacht hot tub with a man who was functionally my ex?

"Baby," softer this time, "you don't have to hide anything from me."

"We…" I huffed, then started again, "I…"

Seunghyun maneuvered the both of us, moving so he could sit at the vanity and pull me onto his lap.

"Take your time."

I let him pull me into him. Resting my head against his shoulder, reveling in the feeling of his hands soothing down my back. Breathing deeply, I could smell some faint cologne struggling to cover up that ever present tobacco scent that clung to him.

"It's stupid." I was pouting again, but trying not to let it color my voice too much. I'd much rather go back to the kissing than talk about how Jiyong could seemingly climb inside my skull at will.

"What is?"

"Me," I moved against him, getting my head into a more comfortable position. If that position also put me in closer reach of teasing his neck and ear… he didn't seem to notice, "probably."

"We both know that's not true," he laughed.

I didn't protest, but I didn't agree either. Instead, I simply sighed heavily, trying to sneak my lips onto where I could feel his pulse in his neck.

"Baby," he gently admonished me. His hands pulled me upright to meet his eyes again. "You know I'd love to keep going, but you also know this is a coping mechanism."

I rolled my eyes, "don't pretend you know me better than I know myself."

That got a reaction out of him.

His hand raised, tightly gripping my chin so there was no way I could look away again.

"Listen to me baby," his voice had gone deep with the intensity of his message, "I would have no issue fucking you until you couldn't walk, if that's what you truly wanted."

Another embarrassing sound eked its way up my throat and out from between my lips.

Seunghyun paused his lecture to kiss me, rougher than I had expected. He bit my lower lip, pulling a groan from me as he pulled back.

"However," he shook my chin slightly, demanding my attention raise from his lips to his eyes again, "I will only do so when I am one hundred percent certain that it is what you want and not just a distraction."

What was there for me to do besides blink? And after that, what option did I have but to start crying?

"Baby," he dropped his grip from my chin and tugged me against his body in a tight hug. "Oh, sweetheart, don't cry. I'm sorry baby. Please don't cry."

"I… I just don't understand…" I sobbed, embarrassment no longer a concern. "How…. He… Ji…"

"Deep breath baby," he crooned into my ear. He started rocking slightly, obviously going all out in his attempt to comfort me. "Breathe for me. You have all night to tell me what happened."

I'm sure all eloquence was lost as I tried to explain through unintelligible sobs and the deep breaths that Seunghyun would occasionally remind me to take, but eventually I was able to explain my concerns. At least to the point that Seunghyun eventually started telling me that I didn't need to explain anymore.

"It's okay, baby," his voice was low, quietly reassuring me, "I understand."

"The worst part is I don't even know why I care," I whined, "I just want him out of my head."

By now, we had made our way onto my bed. Seunghyun laid on his side, arms pulling me protectively into his chest while I had rambled out my complaints.

"Just being around him is like getting drunk," I mumbled. "I feel defenseless."

"You-"

A knock on the glass doors interrupted him. He frowned, looking down at me questioningly.

"Did you invite Daesung down?"

I shook my head, nerves twisting my gut.

"Maybe he want-"

My text tone interrupted me. Shuffling to free my hand from between Seunghyun's and my bodies, I turned to grab it from where I had dropped it on the mattress earlier.

From: Llyong Boho Awake?

I shut my eyes, holding my phone up for Seunghyun to see. I felt the soft vibration of another message coming in while he looked at the screen.

Seunghyun's jaw tightened. He took the phone from my hand and sat up.

"Don't…"

He leaned down to press a kiss against my forehead.

"I'm not going to message him. Just wait here for a moment, okay? I'll tell him you're sleeping."

I nodded, wondering why he looked so tense.

He stood up and ran his hands through his hair a few times. Back and forth, messing it up and then smoothing it back. After a second he undid the buttons of his shirt, all of them undone before he misbuttoned one near the middle. He paused for half a second. Nodding to himself, he then took his belt off. He let the leather strap land on my floor before he turned his attention back to me.

"Unlock your phone."

I pressed my thumb against the fingerprint reader and handed it over to him.

"Thank you baby. Pull the blanket over yourself, okay?"

I did as he asked, going as far as turning to face away from the sliding doors so Jiyong wouldn't see my face.

I heard the plastic rattling sound of the curtain runners, followed by the whooshing noise of the sliding door opening.

"What do you need?"

"What are you doing here?"

The crunching of gravel, followed by the whoosh of the door. I assumed Seunghyun had stepped outside.

It was a little disappointing to not be able to hear the conversation. However, I could appreciate not being drawn into it at all.

After maybe fifteen minutes, there was that whoosh yet again. I felt my body tense up.

"Baby?"

I relaxed, turning over to look up at Seunghyun. He gave me a small smile.

"He went back upstairs."

I nodded, "you didn't have to do that."

He placed my phone on the bedside table before unbuttoning his shirt again.

"I know, but I'd rather I deal with him than make you do it."

He moved as he spoke, draping his shirt over the seat by the vanity before turning back towards me. He nodded at the space next to me on the bed.

"Can I?"

Rather than answer, I simply opened my arms towards him.

His smile was wider this time, as he bent down to crawl up the mattress and over my body.

Supporting himself on his knees and forearms, he brushed his nose along my neck. It was followed by his lips pressing against my jaw.

"Hyun…" I sighed out his name as what had started as me baring more of my neck towards him turned into a stretch.

"Yes?" He asked, pulling away to watch me.

I traced my fingertips over his ribs and onto his back, pouting slightly. "Don't stop."

He moved, working one of his knees between mine and coming in for a kiss.

Just shy of my lips, he spoke again.

"I'm still not going to fuck you tonight."

I whined, digging my nails into his back to further express my annoyance.

He laughed, leaning onto his side slightly so he could run a hand down the side of my body.

"If you need me that badly," he paused to kiss my cheek lightly, "there are other things I can do."

His fingers paused, dipped just slightly under the waistband of my pajama shorts.

"Would you like that baby?"

#date roulette #dr:bb #dr:jy #bigbang fic #bigbang fanfic #bigbang x oc #bigbang #big bang fic #big bang fanfic #big bang x oc #jiyong #kwon jiyong #seunghyun #choi seunghyun #t.o.p #g dragon

[homerforsure]

sending all my love in exchange for you talking about long way home or angel!buck OR a snippet, whatever sparks joy *insert eddie diaz MWAH*

Reverse MWAH!

Long Way Home my absolute beloved.

Here's a thing I don't think I've ever said outside the groupchat:

Um. We're just under halfway through?

Which seems BANANAS, I know. But I realized that I couldn't just get Buck healthy and healed and kissed and stop there knowing that Eddie has a meeting with a bullet at the end of season 4. So because it's their story, we're gonna power right through and get Eddie his healing too (on a much much more compressed scale than actually happens in canon).

But I'm focused hard and I know the entire trajectory now for the first time since I started the project so, you know. I won't let it take as long as the last four parts have.

“Hey, you don’t have to be sorry,” Buck says. “Come on. I’m- I’m- I’m right here. You’re okay. It’s okay.” 

Eddie can’t come up with a response to that. The sound he makes is somewhere between a laugh and a sob, strangled and bitter, and he tightens his hold on the railing until the pain sharpens again. “No, it’s not,” he says.

The sky is black above them. The star he saw earlier is gone, consumed by darkness, and its absence stokes a terror in Eddie’s chest that makes him dizzy. He can’t breathe. 

Before he can even register the burn of fresh tears on his cheeks, Buck is already standing, swinging around to kneel in front of Eddie, and he rests both of his hands on Eddie’s knees, squeezing tight. “Hey. Let me help, Eds. Please. Tell me what’s going on.”

Eddie’s shaking his head before Buck even finishes the request. He can’t. He can’t possibly. This thing that’s got a grip on him is enormous. It’s sharp and it’s dangerous and Eddie can’t reach the edges to even begin to understand the full shape of it let alone find the words to explain what’s happening inside him. If he lets it out, there’s no telling what kind of damage it could do to everyone around him. Just like Frank said it would. 

But that’s not the worst part. 

The worst part is the familiarity. It’s the way this crushing dark settling around him feels just a little bit like home and the way a part of him would consent to being covered over by it. He’s so tired. 

“Whatever it is,” Buck’s saying. “Eddie, I promise. I promise we’ll get through it.”

#wip game #long way home

[music-traveler]

Tagged by @barkingfortheocean !! Thanks for the tags! I've been on this site for probably 12+ years and I've done like 2 of these ever 😂

1. Nickname - Lil, which is short for my full name which has always been a struggle for people to pronounce for some reason, so I've always gone by Lil. I had some teammates that said Lyle was my alter ego nickname though once upon a time 🤷🏼‍♀️ and then a friend's kid calls me Little which has stuck.

2. Height - 5'10 (5'11 on a good day 😂)

3. Last google search - totally honest, it was grubs hahaha it was work related... I was trying to ID what kind of grub someone had found in a tree stump. It was possibly stag beetle larvae if you care to know 😬

4. Song stuck in my head - none currently but had Madison Cunningham's version of The Age Of Worry stuck earlier today.

5. Number of followers - a meager 315. I used to have more, but then I went on long hiatuses from Tumblr and I guess they left. Or I had more bots than I knew. Who knows. 🤷🏼‍♀️

6. Amount of sleep - 9 is good for me but I usually try to shoot for 8 on work nights. I am pretty good at functioning on little sleep though.

7. Dream job - who knows... Invertebrate microbiologist was a dream for a bit. But my current job as an arborist is pretty darn cool and it's not bad. Not needing to work would be ideal though, let's be honest. I'm ready for retirement 😂

8. Wearing - jogger sweat pants and a PWHL Minnesota jersey 🤙 (I had a VERY hard time choosing between my Boston and Minnesota jersey tonight...)

9. Movie/book that summarizes you - I truly have absolutely no idea.

10. Aesthetic - Sporty, lumberjack/woodsy, fun print button ups and blazers... I don't know what to call that.

11. Favorite authors - Akwaeke Emezi, Travis Baldree, Amy Stewart

12. Favorite song - I listened in to so much music, I could never pick one favorite. So I will give you one I've listened to a lot as of late: Expert in a Dying Field by The Beths

13. Random fact - Bananas are radioactive. Since they're potassium rich, every banana is actually slightly radioactive thanks to containing the natural isotope potassium-40.

I don't know who is on here these days, so I'll tag some folks and see. Also if you these and want to do it, great, please do!! Also if anyone tagged doesn't wanna, that's great too.

@shortandsweet @an-ungraceful-swan @thesadnessinyoureyes @allthe-smolthings

#ask game #tag game #answered