#idk if i really explained myself properly but yeah thats how i feel | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lunatic-fandom-space · 1 year

Text

Guess who just wrote a really long and detailed post in my notes app that I accidentally managed to delete. meeeeeeeee <3

So yeah, for better or for worse, heres a more condensed version of a very long post where I complain about 2000!Judas again that Ive written in like, two hours probably (I know that sounds like a lot but trust me, it isnt for me)

Basically, when I watched this version for the first time I thought the reason I didnt like this portrayal of Judas and thought he was really unsympathetic was because of the actor and some of the directorial choices made for his scenes. But then I rewatched it, paid closer attention and even made pretty detailed notes as I was watching like the nerd I am, and I realized that no, the direction is consistantly really good and does a great job at putting you in the characters head, which is a good way to get an audience to sympathize with a character, even for Judas' scenes. Heaven On Their Minds is a great example of this, here are the notes I took during the scene bc it took me days to write that original post that I deleted and I dont feel like rewriting stuff:

• At the start of Heaven On Their Minds: Judas singing directly at Jesus while theyre engulfed in blue but glowing orange before the apostles show up and the lighting changes to something more orange-y golden (signaling Judas snapping out of his thoughts about Jesus and back into reality) • At the end of Heaven On Their Minds: Judas stepping out of the warm golden light with Jesus and his apostles back into a cooler, blue-ish light to signify his disconnect with the others, wavering trust in Jesus

So, if its not the direction thats the issue, what is it? The actor? Well yeah, I think the actor is definitely the bigger issue for me here. idk if thats a hot take, I certainly dont think it should be. However, there are two big directorial choices that I have issues with, one thats very obvious and mostly concentrated in one scene and one thats a bit more 'spread out' so to speak and that I initially had some trouble pinpointing

The first and more obvious one is the Superstar scene. This song already has some tonal issues by virtue of being a funky disco song sandwiched between The Scene Where They Brutally Beat Jesus and The Scene Where They Brutally Crucify Jesus and having Judas be all smiley during it like hes happy about Jesus dying a slow and painful death only to get all sad at the very end when they actually start crucifying him does not help. Like at all. Its like they didnt get that Judas was meant to be like, frustrated during this song because it acts as an extension of his character throughout the musical, who was very frustrated with Jesus because he didnt understand him or why he did the things he did. Its also meant to be an expression of the audience's presumed feelings, since we, like Judas, just spent a long time with this guy and thought we kinda understood what his deal was only to then realize that no, we did not, actually.

Thats pretty much it, there is a similar weird kind of smugness and almost schadenfreude permeating the rest of this guy's performance as well, its just the most noticeable in that song

Now, Im gonna change the topic here for just a second because I think its necessary to talk about the costuming, specifically the colors of the clothes, to properly explain myself. Unlike the 2012 version, which did its own thing when it came to assigning colors to these characters, the 2000s version takes pretty much all the notable character colors from the 1973 movie. That means Jesus wears white, Herod also wears white which could be a way to visually connect them since Herod is referred to as king and seems to have some kind of special authority over jewish people even though he apparently doesnt have a lot of actual state power, kind of how Jesus is also hailed as king of sorts even though he obviously doesnt have any kind of stately power either ? idk, Im not analysing this further bc thats not what the post is about, Caiaphas, Annas and their three guys all wear black, Pilate wears purple (albeit a cooler tone than the 70s version thats closer to the purple the roman guards wore), Judas wears red and Mary wears red... in the 2000s version. She wears orange in the 70s movie

So, why would they change that when they otherwise changed very little about the costumes' colors? Im not gonna beat around the bush here, they were trying to emphasize the idea of Judas and Mary as foils and romantic rivals with Judas being the dark 'incorrect' "option" and Mary being totally morally good as a contrast. Think about it, Judas wears mostly black in this version with the red being closer to an accent color while Mary wears mostly red with black as an accent color, theyre wearing the same color scheme but inverted and Judas ended up with the darker and more menacing version of it (although I would argue its kinda hard to style the red-black combo as anything but edgy, vaguely threatening, vaguely sexy and seductive or a combination of any of those), Judas is a lot more physically aggressive towards Mary in this film which wasnt the case in the 1973 version (I havent rewatched the 2012 one yet and I dont remember a lot of the details but Im pretty sure he wasnt as physical in that version either), theres that weird bit right after I Dont Know How To Love Him where he inecplicably shows up to, idk, intimidate Mary? which then leads directly into Damned For All Time/Blood Money and the way its framed makes it seem like his betrayal was motivated by jealousy and some weird yandere-esque "If I cant have him, no one can" line of logic which is just weird. Like, I dont dislike this concept on the face of it, but they had no idea how to pull it off well

Actually, now that I think about it I feel like they work well enough as foils without any attempts to emphasize them as romantic rivals. Like, obviously Judas sings that little reprise of I Dont Know How To Love Him before his death but also his whole thing at the start of the musical was that he was turning away from Jesus while Mary's thing was that she was very close and loyal to him from beginning to end, like thats one of the things that Peter's Denial demonstrates right

Whatever, thats kind of it. I feel like thats a pretty abrupt ending to this but I dont care that much lol. In conclusion, although I love this movie for the direction and lighting I have a lot of shit to complain about, mostly relating to Judas and also this post ended up being a lot longer than expected, hope you enjoyed

#jesus christ superstar

3 notes · View notes

rrxnjun · 1 year

Note

tbh word counts suck so much imo😭 it must be annoying having to delete parts and even just figuring out what to delete must suck ☹️ (although sometimes i wish i had this problem cuz i never reach the limit🥲) writing essays for philosophy doesn't sound like fun thats for sure!🫡

i don't think u sound like a nerd!! it just shows that u enjoy what u are learning rn, which is a very good thing imo!!!!🥳🥳

this school term is the last one where i officially have to learn german but i will still need to get a language exam from it to be able to finish my university studies one day😭(but i have a couple of years until then so hopefully i will be able to actually learn it properly by then🫡) reading a book in german sounds interesting but u definitely have much will power (?idk if this is the right word to use for it?) that u looked up words!! i don't think i could get myself to do that🥲definitely hoping that we will get better at it!! i agree it certainly is a pretty language!!! although i feel like sometimes it just feels silly in a way(??)😭 idk how to explain it but some words just do not feel like they should mean what they mean (like i just learned the word ernst and it means serious but it just doesn't sound serious enough for it to mean that, i really hope this makes sense and i don't sound crazy🤣😵‍💫)

send your essays over to me i'll do them for you AHAH /j. philosophy definitely isnt fun (at least not for me) BECAUSE IT MAKES 0 SENSE???!? and i picked a topic ive never heard before,, and then all the sources were in english so i had to mentally translate everything into my first language and try to understand it and yeah it was such a struggle 💀💀 and thanks for saying i dont sound like a nerd 😭😭 im definitely grateful and happy that i can study something i enjoy, considering that nobody really believed in me getting into this major lol

oof good luck w the german then!!! im sure you'll get there some day💕 abt the german book,,, i used an ebook reader that has the translator built in so it didnt take that much effort 💀💀 if i had to manually google each word i just wouldnt do it. GERMAN HAS FUN WORDS sometimes they make complete sense and sometimes they just dont. i enjoy words that make perfect sense,, the long ones that perfectly describe what they mean like gloves being Handschuhe and hospital being Krankenhause makes sO MUCH SENSE i love it. but you are right,, ernst doesnt sound serious enough😶

#💌ask #liebestraum anon

0 notes

indistinct-office · 1 year

Text

tw // uh nsfw mentions and suicide and general mental illness stuff idk

i love fukuzawa sm but idk if id rather him mentor me or fuck me

i think i should die to be honest im sad dude ill cry i wonder if i have a dissasociativive disorder like. depersonalisation seems concerningly familiar well like it makes sense of course derealisation and deperasalisation

idk how to spell but they make so much sense. on the other hand one must consider that i am evil and pathetic and dont deserve an explanation for my feelings nope im jsut bad and should die. but apart from that

im tired man. im very tired i want to cry. i also. cant seem to move

so idk if i have dpdr or im just tired or have executive dysfunction everythings very confusing im trying

why

and is it unreality or is it me philosophising or

whats going on i know no one else knows i dont i feel like i have never been a person i feel like a mirror more than anything i dont know and feelings are so complicated i want to cry and i dont understand whats going on and im so sick of myself but i cant seem to stop and everything i say feels like a lie and i cant remember anything i feel like im fading also how is it almost 11pm

i feel like i dont have any agency and

like if someone has moved the content of this image way to far off the edge

and i dont know if the whole "i dont feel like a person" thing is dpdr or succh strognly engrained self loathing or a combination of both or me making excuses for being lazy or i dont know and it always has always felt like there are too many people in my head. whcih sounds yk. not great. and it isnt but then what if ive convinced myself that i have dpdr/whatever because i just want a label and something solid or i dont know but no i think i do and who is i anyway who am i referring to ive been through this so many times before and nothing changes nothing has every changed and nothing will help

and i know it sounds like im having a panic attack because i am but this is how it feels all the time

i used to joke to myself that my brain was either so full of thoughts it hurts or completely empty and full of fog but that might be dpdr

like, anxiety/trauma or dissacociative

oh no

but idk i havent really had an trauma what if im making this up just because i want my friend to know whats wrong with me and me to get better and have a nice little storyline and get better

it feels like whenever im lucid im in pain

ha. well. thats a thing now i guess

im so tired of this. but its all good its fine. i cant even self harm properly

what if the reason im so anxious all the time is because im scared of why im doing something

it feels like im comingn to some big resolution but what if im just convincing myself of that so i can feel good but everything will stay the same? there are dried tears on my laptop and they look like stains of cum

oh no i think i might be dpdr. like. when /that/ happened. i distracted msyelf and felt "usual" and then i was reminded of it and it hurted so much

oh no oh fuck what

well. theres that i guess

yeah no im pretty sure i have uh depersonalisation/derealisation disorder. it makes a lot of sense. at last the puzzle of the self is completed and im better and everything is fine /s

no wonder i relate to will wood and jreg so much.

there is now the issue of

a) who the fuck am i

b) what the fuck do i do now

uh i need help i think ( yeah no shit )

it really does feel like there are hundreds of people living up in my brain

im scared about what i should do next.

i have to go to london tomorrow

no wonder i find it so hard to explain my thinking process and emotions. of course. it makes sense now

im posting this so theres some external record of what happened today. but this is basically a diary entry so yknow.

#depersonalisation and derealisation

0 notes

rafecameron · 4 years

Note

idk if u do rqst but i love ur writing! can u do jj x reader in a secret relationship bc shes a kook & also kiara’s enemy? maybe kiara having a lil crush on jj and when she found out, thats when the drama happens? kie confronts y/n and they get into a fight!! 🤭 im sorry if you dont do requests ): just ignore this then!

thank you so much for requesting! I haven’t written for JJ in so long I hope this is okay!

You didn’t necessarily enjoy sneaking around. You hated lying to your friends about where you were and what you were doing but you knew it was for the best. You knew your friends would look down on you for dating a pogue, but that wasn’t even what you were worried about. It was his friends. One friend in particular. Kiara. You knew kiara from school and you even used to hang out with her during her kook year. You were never what you would have called friends but you got along and were civil so when she completely turned on you at the end of last year you were more than a little surprised.

You had tried to talk to her, even if you didn’t much care for her you didn’t want any animosity between the two of you. But she hadn’t wanted to know and you’d given up trying pretty quickly. If she wanted to isolate herself from the whole school then you’d leave her to it. You never imagined your paths would have to cross much again besides sharing the same maths class. But then JJ had happened. And it hadn’t meant to happen.

You’d been at a kegger, nothing unusual about that. But your friend had ditched you to hook up with a touron so you’d found yourself wandering around the fire pit alone and more than a little intoxicated. That’s when you’d bumped into him. You’d seen him around before but you’d never spoken nor had the chance to get a god look at him. And now you had? You were enchanted. His messy blonde hair wasn’t something you’d usually find attractive but it suited him. You got lost in his blue eyes, eyes full of hope and laughter. You’d spent hours sitting with him, talking and laughing. Until kiara had appeared and all but ripped him from your side.

“Kiara what the hell?” You’d asked jumping up from the log you were sat on with a glare.

“Stay the hell away from my friends.” She spat back with a scowl to match yours.

JJ had intervened before a fight could break out, he held kiara back, profusely apologising to you before pulling her away. He’d found you on Instagram the day after and sent you another apology and since then you’d been practically inseparable.

“Do you think we will ever tell anyone?” You ask. Your chin was resting against JJ’s chest as you looked up at him, the sunlight coming through your window casting an ethereal glow across his tanned skin.

“I dunno y/n.” JJ sighs, he hated when you brought this topic up, “it’s complicated.”

“I know,” you lift your head, reaching a hand up to caress his cheek lightly, “but I mean in the future. Surely we can’t hide forever.”

JJ lifts his head, eyes softening as they meet yours, “one day yeah. Don’t think I don’t ever want the whole world to know you’re mine, cause I do.”

You quickly crawl up his chest and plant a kiss to his lips, the smile on your face making it hard to kiss him properly, “I want the whole world to know I’m yours. I want kiara to know I’m yours, so she can stop eyeing you up.”

JJ rolls his eyes and drops his head back with a groan, “not this again,” you hear him sigh, “she does not have a crush on me, y/n.”

“Yes she does!” You sit up, straddling his lap so you could look down at his face, “you don’t see the way she looks at you! Also, you’re completely oblivious to everything. I was dropping hints for weeks before finally out right saying I liked you.” You roll your eyes.

“That was different! I just convinced myself you would never be interested in a pogue like me.” JJ looks up at you, a small shrug rolling off his shoulders.

“JJ you know I don’t care about that stuff.” You lean down placing a kiss lightly to his lips.

“I know that now.” JJ replies, placing his hands on your hips as he kisses you again.

—-

It had been months since you’d started dating JJ, seven to be exact. And you’d both done a pretty good job at hiding the fact from other people. Your parents were out most of the time and your neighbours were elderly so it wasn’t hard to sneak him in and out of your house. You’d been to his a couple of times but he liked to keep you away from his dad as much as possible and you were perfectly okay with that.

You were currently attending what you were sure would be the last kegger of the year as the nights were starting to get noticeably colder as winter rolled around. You had a hoodie on, oversized and pulled over your hands to protect against the chill. You found it increasingly hard to stay away from JJ at keggers, because every time your eyes found him there was some touron trying desperately to get into his pants. You trusted JJ but that didn’t mean you liked to see it.

Your eyes were only pulled away from the blonde as a commotion broke out behind you. You weren’t at all surprised to see Rafe tackling someone to the ground, Topper not far behind him. Before you knew it there was at least eight people rolling around in the sand fighting. You tried to get away from the punches but before you knew it someone had been thrown in your direction, tumbling into your legs and pulling you to the ground with them. You let out a squeal as you fell backwards into the sand, hurting your lower back as you landed.

“Get off of me.” You growled pushing the drunk kook away from your legs.

“Y/N!” You heard your name being shouted, the kook was lifted away from you and chucked into the sand and suddenly JJ’s concerned face appeared in front of yours, “are you okay?” He asks his hands coming to rest on your shoulders as he looks you up and down for any obvious injuries.

“I’m fine.” You smile resting your hands gently on his wrists, “my back hurts a little but I’ll be okay. People will see.” You tried to pry his hands away but he wouldn’t let you.

“I don’t care, that asshole could have seriously hurt you!” JJ complains, his hand moves to your cheek, “are you sure you’re okay?”

You open your mouth but you don’t get a chance to reply. “What the hell is this?” Kiara asks appearing behind JJ with a look of disgust on her face, “JJ? What the fuck?”

JJ looks at her over his shoulder, his brows furrowed in a scowl, “back off kiara, nows not the time.”

“I think nows a perfect time to explain what the fucks going on.” She crosses her arms in front of her chest as her friends join her, confused looks crossing their faces.

“Kiara-“ you begin but she cuts you off.

“I wasn’t talking to you! I swear to god if you’re messing with him I’ll beat the crap out of you.” Kiara steps forward, popes hand on her shoulder stops her.

JJ stands up, helping you up with him, “she’s not messing with me! We’ve been dating for seven months. We didn’t tell you because we knew this is how you’d react.”

“Seven months?” Kiara splutters out, “what the hell? If you’re using him for some plot to get back at me-“

“I’m not using him!” You step around JJ and closer to Kiara, “I have no plot to get back at you because I have no reason to! You’re the one with a problem here not me! I’m sorry that you’re like in love with him or something but he isn’t interested!”

“I’m not in love with him, you have no idea what you’re talking about.” Kiara steps forward again, now only inches separating the two of you.

“Okay let’s calm down a minute.” John B speaks up pulling Kiara back as JJ tugs on your arm, “I think we should hear them out before starting any fights.”

“Look, I’m sorry that I’ve been lying to you guys, but I knew the reaction we’d get. And we really like each other, we didn’t want anything to ruin it.” JJ explains with a sigh, “and in y/n’s defense, she wanted to come clean months ago, it was me who said no.”

“Well I didn’t see this coming.” Pope speaks up but he smiles and lets out a chuckle, “it explains why you’ve been so damn happy lately man.”

“You’ve really been dating for seven months?” John B asks with raised brows, you both simply nod in answer, “Look, I’m okay with it. Like Pope said, this is the happiest we’ve seen you in a long time.”

“Well I am not okay with this!” Kiara cuts in with a frown, “you know how I feel about her! I can’t believe you guys don’t even care.” She shoots you another glare before turning on her heel and storming off.

The boys watch her walk away for a few seconds before turning back to you, “we’ll talk to her, she’ll come around.” John B sighs and hurried after her.

“I’m happy for you guys!” Pope calls over his shoulder with a grin as he follows after his friend.

JJ lets out a huff of breath he hadn’t realised he’d been holding, “that went bad, but not nearly as bad as I expected.”

“Are you kidding? She wanted to smash my face in!” You complain.

“Babe, she always wants to smash your face in.” JJ looks at you with a cheeky grin, “but at least I can do this now.”

He grabs your hips and leans forward, his lips meet yours in a slow kiss, your arms wrap around his neck and hold him close to you, “and I don’t care who sees.” He mumbles against your lips before connecting them again.

#jj maybank x reader #jj maybank imagine #jj maybank #outer banks #outer banks fic #outer banks imagine #my writing #requested

246 notes · View notes

gayspock · 2 years

Note

komaeda

(starts chasing you)

How I feel about this character lets embarass ourselves right off the bat. because you know? you know what? ive got horrifyingly complicated feelings. and its like... jesus god... (shakes head)

i guess its just.... he's just separate entities now, isnt he? IM NOT TRYING TO- you know.... like im not trying to make it all so much more than it is, but it kinda just happens. like- he's sort of become a punchline on this site in particular, whether that be fingers in his ass sunday (good lord, thats rotten to say like that) or a "cursed" "meme" (ACK!) post or whatnot. but then there's also the VERY removed fan interpretation of him, in its mant variations, and that- well... a lot of those versions of him are also fucking loathsome.

but then for me personally. i dont know. i also have multiple different perspectives on him, in of itself. does that make sense?

because jeez, man- LIKE... he genuinely DID mean a lot to me as a younger teen. JOKES aside he was hilariously quite special to me which god bless your fucking soul... when i first interacted with DR, i did quite sincerely obsess over him and obviously. that did sort of... morph over time, then? because- you know how it is.... when you're in a "fandom space", your perceptions will shift and change with it (i do have a ramble about that locked and loaded im specifically going to stop myself from getting into here GOD bless) and i know with himit did become several layers of well im still obsessed, well this is a joke, well this this embarrassing, this that and the other... etc. etc. etc. lalala. i think its fun and cute to do that you know and get yourself all twisted into silly knots that you cant explain to anyone, not even yourself<3

BUT FR. now looking back on it its like.... if i just strip it back. i do still really do like him as a character, yknow? funnily enough. and i do still identify with some aspects of how i felt before but... with a hopefully slightly more mature perspective? LIKE- OKAY... RIGHT. LIKE. I THINK WHAT KIND OF EMBARASSES ME THE MOST is like... his whole little inferiority complex and very particular thought proocesses (DO be quiet...</3) really were things i found a lot of solace in (shut up</3) as a 16 y.o and its like bestie... in many ways im still like god. well yeah. but also its like cmon if we have to be like that does it have to be through fucking komaeda..... because like also obviously, along with my perspective on him, i dont rlly feel the same way abt DR as a whole as i once did. obviously. now im like- HELL im strikingly indifferent to it now. huh. weird. BUT EH.

All the people I ship romantically with this character you know its funny. i dont actually get.... invested-invested in "ships" and dying by particular ones. LIKE- for the most partits like i do LIKE certain dynamics and think theyre fun to entertain but i rarely ever have dedicated a whole lot of my interaction with a certain media to just that with like... the exceptions of j*hnlock when i was 13 and the MUCH later appreciation for spirk (though obviously i love other parts of tos- but they are an actual pairing where im like ok.. sniff sniff yah.. and did have a particular grip on me for a hot sec) AND........................................ komahina.................. which also fucking. yeah. i guess its just a fucking. every 5 years i get something wrong with me. thats actually a very funny regular schedule.

i dont think i do seriously commit to anything else, though. i liked the ot3 with them and nanami but i dont know how i feel about komaeda/nanami or if its just hinata has TWO hands. i really havent revisited SDR2 recently enough to properly assess that but my inclination is still a "uhhh, idk..." bc i do v much see komaeda as a gay man. im not opposed to some naegi/komaeda sentiments but i also dont rlly take that aboard more than like a passing haha sure moment rather than any proper exploration of it.

My non-romantic OTP for this character hmm... not sure! i think i need to revisit for some more specific interactions bc hell its been a LONG time since i replayed sdr2... but even then. i think any "brotp" type pairings WOULD be very much in the realm of hypothetical headcanoning - bc you know... HELP. he isnt offered much in the text. i think ive always liked the idea of like... komaeda being friends with anyone else from his class if he had the proper chance. and i think, like as i said above, with him, hinata and nanami if they WERE together it'd obviously be with him and nanami being besties but i guess thats also hard to asses with so much distance from the damn thing

My unpopular opinion about this character hhow.... hhoow. i think. chrit. I DONT KNOW HOW YOU KNOW. unpopular..... i think the interpretations of komaeda can be so fucking insane to the wall yet somehow so rampant that its literally so hard for me to say sth does tha tmake any sense.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon i wish he wasnt in danganronpa. i wish none of the cast of the first two games were in danganronpa. i wish dr3 was better despite the fact i had a lot of fun on this blog in 2016. i wish i wish i wish upon stars but ultimately its fine if none of it comes true ive made my peace <3

#egg yells back #Anonymous

2 notes · View notes

sukirichi · 3 years

Note

hello! um

i just wanted to pass around to say that i cant stop thinking about your mitsuya fic (yea the one that fucked us all up)

it has literally lingered in my mind since i finished it, sounds really weird but it just got like... plastered in me. i dont know how to explain it. cause when im doing my everyday shit, it suddenly overcomes me, this random ass sad feeling that started since the moment i read it. and its just so weird.

even the song that you attached, that accompanied me while i was reading, has stayed with me ever since. and the freakiest thing is that i actually dont understand a single word from it because i dont speak that language at all, but i still felt it in the deepest part of my being. everything felt real, raw. the pain crossed my phone screen and went direct to my fucking heart but it was just..so..beautiful..

the draken appereance and dialogue caused irreparable damage (the entire thing did but i needed to remark this) and i wanted to point this out honestly cause damn, the writing was immaculate. there were TEARS and im not even an draken x emma shipper cause im a selfish mf

quitting the crap, im being honest when i ask you to embrace the talent you have with words and dont ever let it go, cause it will take you places, its gift, for real.

so thank you so much for sharing it with us and also, thank you for all the feelings you awakened with your writing. excitement, despair, shyness, pure love but also pure sadness, they were all overwhelming; but that was the best part of the fic, cause all those emotions make us humans, we feel, and thats fine. right suki? you fucking nailed this.

i will never forget this story and it will take some time for me to get over it (cause for now im pretty much fucked), but i will be around reading more of your stuff cause its incredible.

good luck! take care and have a nice one, much love to you <3

*sends virtual hugs*

okay uhm, i received this the other day when i was crying a lot bcos i had a bad day and anon i was just like. speechless. left to ponder for a moment because wow like genuinely i am taken aback with your kind words. i think you dk how much this message means to me but yeah it really does mean a lot, i remember reading this for the first time and crying harder bcos i was like,,,ah life is not that bad yknow? there are good people out there who take their time sending me sweet messages and idk im sorry im just so emotional rn thank you very much 😭

is it weird that i am actually quite warmed by the thought people have lingering feelings and still think about my stories even after reading it? bcos as an avid reader, i feel that a lot. i read a piece and it hits me hard that i just carry it with me and for me, i think its a very beautiful thing that we somehow leave little pieces of ourselves to others and just...i just find it very nice and heartwarming. so yeah this ask really got me bawling BAKSKWKW. that mitsuya angst meant a lot to me 😭 oftentimes its up to my dedication to finish a fic, but that mitsuya fic was one of those fics that i wrote bcos the idea just sat heavily to me and the words were flowing, the emotions were felt and i was like. lost in that zone. so yeah i perfectly pictured them and i was extremely passionate about that certain story so knowing that people connected to something i poured my heart on - and that you really took the time to let me know your thoughts - it reallt does make me happy and just so ?? IDK THE WORD IM AWKWARD UH WHAT ARE WORDS BUT BASICALLY it just,,,hits me deep in the heart, in a very good way !! and i could be wrong but the song i attached was talking about how two people wished that when they confess, they would be received or met halfway. ofc there’s also this HUGE fear of confessing your feelings which i am an expert of bcos i like to keep things to myself 😎 but yeah idk the fic just hits diff to me.

“everything felt real, raw.” ANOM I CANT EVEN LITERALLY EVERYTHING YOU SAID I JUST WANNA REPEAT IT OVER N OVER AGAIN IM SO GRATEFUL AAAHH PLSSS TAKE MY HEART RN 😭😭😭 and omg yes the draken appearance, i feel like he just HAD to show up again bcos someone needed to bear witness of someone’s love at least yknow ?? i feel like...silent lovers are underrated. and i just really wanted draken to carry on the precious memories of mitsuya and y/n’s gifts and feelings shown and accepted in its own way. ALSO YEAH I AGREE lmfao in fanfics i am totally draken x y/n all the way i am so sorry 😭 but when we’re talking about canon, draken x emma just hits diff lemme cry again 😭

ANON UHM TBH you literally left me speechless im kinda just sat here bumbling and fumbling and i really wish i could thank you more properly bcos uhm this message cracked my heart from the overwhelming emotions but then patched it up again and yes i love you thank you sm 😭😭😭 wish you could just read my mind so you’d know how happy i am to hear this but lemme say this again anon THANK YOU VERY MUCH 😭💕 have an even nicer day and i send all my love to you anon !!

#asks with naoya's trophy wife #tokrev: manga spoilers #suki: for keeps

6 notes · View notes

omisbreakfast · 4 years

Text

i rank every summer outfits from a3! because??

because i can. also fuck you.

the first version of this was deleted by tumblr in my drafts and now i have to re write it entirely and i fucking hate it here... anyways.

i’m biased as fuck

sorry it’s a long post

harugumi :

itaru : yeah no actually it’s pretty fine. ngl itaru is kinda hot when he dress correctly so there’s that. also, he’s often in pink. it suits him, but i don’t like it. still.... cute. but it’s also itaru so not too much praises. 9/10

citron : why.......... the shoes.... what the fuck are those shoes.... where did you even find them..... do you wanna fight or something.... this fills me with rage... you’ve disappointed me, citron... also hate the shirt. 3/10

tsuzuru : casual, soft, classic boy... nothing much to say here. but WHY THE FUCKING HAT??? IT RUINS EVERYTHING...... at least wear it correctly PLEASE. YOU DUMABSS. and the shoes would have been better in another color. i just,,,,, why tsuzuru, why the hat... 4/10

sakuya : i can’t bring myself to say bad things about sakuya. (also the fact that i don’t remember what i wrote before the first version of this post got deleted in my drafts pisses me off) but like,,, he’s cute. i mean it’s a classic outfit. tho the choice of the shirt is questionable as fuck. also HES SO TINY BABY. 6/10

masumi : yeah no actually i like it. i really like the shirt for some reason, it suits him. BUT BUT BUT the pants looks weird as hell LMAO?? like... it makes him looks like a crotch less ken doll??? it’s,,, really weird. also the shoes are.... hmmm.... overall good balance but there’s some weird stuffs going on. 7/10

chikage : garbage boy stink man. fucking looks like a rich white boy coming home from tennis and i fucking hate it here ™ if i’m objective about this it’s actually NOT bad but it loses several points for the sole reason that it’s fucking chikage and i won’t take shit for it. 6/10

natsugumi :

kazunari : why. why do you do this. why. why. how am i supposed to ever learn how to love when you backstab me like this, kaz ? what do we do now ? i trusted you and you betrayed me. i can never find love ever again............ yeah ok. pls let’s skip to the next one.... 2/10 (and two points is because it’s kaz and i just can’t bring myself to truly hate him.)

yuki : it’s not bad but i hate this dress. like. his outfits are usually ok but this? no. YOU LOOK LIKE A GOOD CHRISTIAN BOY, DAMN IT YUKI. are YOU GOING TO CHURCH TO PRAISE THE LORD TODAY TOO? also the colour of it... no. 4/10

tenma : congrats you rich boy you finally have a decent outfit ! though i don’t understand the concept of your zip being infront but ok. bet his stans like it smh. also i like the color of his jacket. very nice. 8/10

muku : baby i love u so much but u look like the pinterest girls who take aesthetic pictures in flowers fields and are smiling like the sun @ the camera.......... which is not per se but it’s a whole vibe. also stop wearing orange. it doesn’t go with your hair well........ ilu cutie. 8/10

misumi : my sweet boy. why are you wearing an hoodie with a jacket. why. it’s summer you idiot. you’ll get overheated. stop. but overall he looks very nice. idk i just think he’s neat......... i. i love u @ misumi. 9/10 (don’t look at me)

kumon : he... he looks like.... a j-j-j*ck..... which he is............... i just........... oh my god. i love kumon but he IS a jock i JUST ???? LALFKGKK. also his fucking shoes makes me lose my mind because this is so fucking bullshit ???? so ugly it hurts my eyes.... he’s lucky he’s a good boy. 4/10

akigumi :

juza : nah he hot as hell in this pass on it. if you’re asking yourself why he looks so good, here’s your answer : his arms. his arms are great. i can excuse his sandales this time cuz IT IS summer but yeah. yeah no he’s cute and- yeah. ok. yeah. hm hm. 9.5/10

taichi : so the thing with taichi is that his style is NOT bad per se but like. he’s a skater boy. so my standards are already very low for him,,,, like no offence i love taichi so much but,,,, that’s how it be.... his shirts are usually so big he looks like a GOD DAMN FLAG i can’t with this. and i don’t like how baggy his pants are but yeah,,,, it’s just a whole look.... anyways................ 6/10

omi : in which yosei boys decided to fucking test my patience by putting on classic, good looking clothes and decided to absolutely ruin my entire hopes and dreams (if i’m being dramatic ? no i am not.) AND their WHOLE outfits adding an useless stupid fucking hat thay doesnt seems even to be worn properly. omi, tsuzuru, you’ll pay for this. 7/10

sakyo : (i’m tired as heck and i almost forgot about sakyo when he’s right in the middle) actually i like this. it’s color coordinated and i think that’s very nice. but i wish his pants would have been a little bit longer. yeah no that’s it for real. also idk what’s about this outfit but he really shows how skinny he really is LMAOOO. shithead sakyo. 8/10

azami : the thing about azami is that usually his upper half is pretty well dressed, or whatever, but when we look at his pants/shoes its where everything goes to shit. Like ???? what the fuck man you could have done so much better if you didn’t decide to put this gigantic pants who looks like you’re gonna fly with it or fucking whatever (i don’t need to make sense i’m TIRED) also his shoes bothers me. can’t believe he’s fucking 15 like shut up. 6/10

banri : ...... *inhales* FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUU. fuck you and your ugly ass little hat and your zombie like haircut i. fucking despise you. if he were standing right infront of me, no he wouldn’t be because he would deck him so hard. YOU HAVE THE MONEY TO BUY CLOTHES AND THE TIME TO TRY AND MAKE IT LOOK GOOD ?? SO WHY???? what’s going on in your ugly ass little head bitch. THANK YOU god he isn’t wearing any animal prints in this, thats one thing. imagine this awful outfit with the ugly shoes and stUPID FUCKING HAT that i hate, with a leopard print shirt.... yeah cursed. i know. sorry banri stans i cant hear you over the sound of your man fishing with joe and bertrand on a sunday morning at 6am. 3/10

fuyugumi :

tasuku : ... idk man. he’s just there. why is... his shoes... so flashy........ bruh...... also he looks like a very straight man and idk how to feel about this. we know u gay bitch. 7/10

hisoka : except for the fucking weird ass pants it’s actually ok. he looks.... very comfy. 10/10 would CUDDLE...... pls hisoka.... i’m tired... fluffy boy..... ugh..... i don’t have much to say about this ok he just.... spare some cuddles. 7/10

actually i like it. well. there’s two things that bothers me. GREEN. DOESN’T. SUIT. HIM. PERIOD. if u think otherwise i’m sorry. it’s just awful with his purple hair (or whatever color it is) imo. and the second..... the square should have been a triangle. i won’t take no’s. 8.5/10

tsumugi : ngl tsumugi gives me little lost boy looking for his mommy vibes. at first i thought it was his outfits but no, it’s just his face. and this ? doesn’t make it better. idk how to explain but how he wears his shirt makes it look like he’s floating and it’s kinda cute in a... special way. he’s just a very sweet boy. 7/10

azuma : i can’t bring myself to even say bad things about azuma... it’s physical. i just can’t. i have a theory his power is that strong and therefore i cannot critizice this beauty. he just. is. ya know........ sigh...... 9/10

guy : if he dresses like this, that’s.... that’s not your man, ladies. that’s your loving, hardworking and dedicated husband who just went to pick some flowers in the prairies next to your little farm in the middle of the nowhere but who’s still paradise on earth cuz it’s the two of you and you couldn’t ask for anything more. deadass. fucking peasants. 4/10

#a3!#a3 #and now i’m going to sleep #THE ORIGINAL ONE WAS MUCH FUNNIER OK #also if you’re wondering i care at all about all the mistakes i made.... no. no i don’t #UGH #long post #in which i still think i’m fucking hilarious

86 notes · View notes

dyketubbo · 3 years

Note

idk if you want any reassurance, maybe you dont in which case im sorry, but youre one of the blogs i respect the most on this website tbh. i wish people knew how to respond to opinions they dont agree with maturely like a normal person :/ i hope you feel better soon :(

i dont mind whether people respond or not as long as its not through an rb, and i appreciate it. it just. it wouldnt matter as much to me if they were all my age, i guess? because then itd feel more like im just dealing with my peers, i know how to deal with other teenagers, ive been to school. but, ive checked ages, yeah? and its like. people in their 20s. im not good at guessing ages, but even with the ones who dont have them public it feels like theyre adults, and i dont know. i havent even been 16 for more than a month yet, it feels so gross to me that adults are talking about me Like That because i spoke up abt something that made me uncomfortable. it feels like instead of actually trying to engage with me, theyre just.. trying to One Up me.

i really did try to talk within what i know of the streamers boundaries (and so far, even through all of this all we have is, phils confirmation that he doesnt mind hcs, but again i have complicated feelings on that clip and how the dono was worded that i doubt i could properly articulate in a way that wont add fuel to the fire), i tried to make it clear that i know not everyone who does qpr art was just trying to get away with romantic art and slapping a "not a ship" disclaimer, i tried to articulate that i dont see queerplatonic as equalling platonic, tried to talk about how i just wanted to be respectful towards the ccs and how i dont think anyone who does qpr stuff w them is a bad person, tried to explain my reasonings, tried to explain using my experiences, used examples, established over and over that this was just a personal problem that i wouldnt have elsewhere, etc etc.

and then most of the responses from people who disagreed just felt.. condescending. and i cant even say that i just felt like they were accusatory because thats just fact that they were accusatory. then the whole talking about me thing is just.. disturbing. i get vaguing like, an opinion shared by a group of people, ive done it, obviously. but theres that, and then theres. vaguing someone specific. and stumbling across people vaguing specifically me, getting confirmation that some might not even be giving the courtesy of being vague, sometimes even seeing it because its in the tags of a post i might agree with.. i just wish those people had any sort of sympathy for how that effects people. and it sucks that they managed to vague some paranoid kid with delusions because like, shit dude. theyre making my fears real, yknow? ive been scared my whole life that people hated me, were talking about me. sucks to see i was right.

im gonna inevitably have my ups and downs, but. i dunno, i just hope itll be over by the end of this month. i can barely deal with it now when im at home and have all the time in the world to distract myself with stuff that makes me happy, i dont want to find out whatll happen if this stays a constant when im stuck in school and all i have to distract myself is work and my bigoted ass peers who probably havent even heard the word aromantic in a serious context once in their life. cant believe im starting to wish for summer to be over, but if it means getting out of this hell then shit, september cant come any damn quicker

#long post #angel answers #and again irks me that this is happening because of me asserting that qprs count as shipping. like goddamn #in other fandoms id be stressed out bc like. people are fucking racist or antisemitic or just generally gross or some shit #and sure mcyt fandom has that but like.#mlp fandom had a big nazi boom a few years back. might have even only been 2-3 years back #and thats obviously a horrible stressor and traumatizing as hell #and its not as if i havent been directly targeted before #but i guess in this fandom it hits so hard because of how. different it is. and its so much more. personalized #and the general age group of ppl who are having critical thoughts about it is like #just young enough that most people are immature but just old enough that sometimes i see certain people be shitty and im just like #hey. arent you supposed to be better than this?#why are you getting so mad at teenagers over shipping discourse? werent you a teenager? why have you forgotten what its like?#idk. its fucked up #i guess shipping stuff has just never mattered this much to me before #before i could go 'oh thats kind of fucked up' and ultimately id find my group and be able to just quietly enjoy myself #personal opinions about ships that didnt have anything inherently fucked up were just met with like.#'thats fair but i like it so im gonna stay with ppl who do like it. id appreciate if you dont interact w me to talk abt it'#or 'yeah i dont like it much as well but in the end its all good fun so i dont bash on anyone'#and assholes were easily blocked and ignored #never been in a situation where i looked at a common relationship went 'huh thats a lil weird not for me' and gotten. this kind of response #in the end i dont think qpr aeduo is like. super morally wrong #it just makes me feel weird and i wish i could interact w aeduo stuff w/o seeing it idk #culture shock but with fandom ship stuff ig and im getting harassed rather than just dealing w different opinions. fucked

3 notes · View notes

brightokyolights · 3 years

Note

3 and 17 for the questions to ask at 3 am?

Well coincidentally it is in fact 3am rn! (Totally didn't intend this aha how fun) time to expose ourselves!!!

3. Do you really think there is somebody for everybody?

So I have like 3 kinda thought paths for this.

Immediately my optimistic side wanted to be like yes of course there is! Because I dont want people to be down on themselves and not believe in love. I feel like there is someone for everyone. But I dont feel that way about myself.

So then my more realistic side was like of course there's not one special person just for you. And I'm not gonna get too personal about it but just deep down I feel like nah?

But you know what. If I am logically thinking about it. The answer to this is yes. Like there's no reason this has to be romantically inclined right? And like there will be someone for you. Maybe you'll have loads of specific people for different things. I think we shouldn't close ourselves in boxes thinking you need to have only one person who does absolutely everything for you. While that would be great and if you have that amazing! I just feel like you have different people in your life for different reasons. And they are your someone.

Idk if I've explained that properly at all its 3am I am exhausted lmao. Brain function at 4%

17. Did you have imaginary friends? Do you still have them?

Listen I had like. A whole imaginary universe when I was small. It was fucking epic honestly. I'll not go into detail because it was like a long ass storyline (I had it since I was like 5) but basically I was like queen of ghosts. Yeah thats probably the best way to summarise it but there was a LOT to it lmao. If I was any good at writing it would totally make for a sick book.

Unfortunately... I dont have these imaginary friends anymore. Like obviously I still remember them and stuff but... it is just gone really. I think if you ever had this as a kid and you've grown up you kinda know what the feeling is. Like when you're a kid and play make believe everything is so real to you but when you grow up that just kinda goes. I miss it a lot. I used to have so much fun with it. I really wonder where that imagination goes when you get older.

Anyways! ahahaha thanks for asking me these you can now erase from your memory! Dhdhbxh

*send me an ask from q's to answer when its 4am and you cant sleep*

#im actually so embarrassment #sbdcebdhdbhdhdbdh these asks are so good though #i really love the questions #long post #ask #wasnt-expecting-that

5 notes · View notes

taeminie · 3 years

Note

it’s admiration hours, my dear sugar blossom! how are you? i hope you’re having a beautiful morning (if im guessing right on this time zone thing) or afternoon, when this message finds you. i apologize that it’s a bit later than i usually respond, i got surprisingly busy today and yesterday and finally made time to sit and reply tonight!

it’s nice to know you prefer tea 🤔 i like coffee too but... i think tea is my favorite as well 😌 do you have any favorite kinds? and i’m glad that things have been better for you lately!! 🌷 ✨ 🤗

omg the thing about the boots is that they’re a classic case of like, they look good on other girls, so do i like them cuz they’re sexy on other women or because i want to wear them... or both? yknow that feeling? so for christmas this year i leaned in and bought them and feel like i’m serving looks on the runway, it’s such a confidence boost! anyway enough about footwear 😂

oh you paint such a pretty picture of your home, it sounds really beautiful! and i think it’s enviable how near you are to the beach, i love the beach! hopefully summer stays at a manageable temperature this year 😅 i can feel the weather here turn toward spring and i’m hoping the same thing- that summer isn’t extremely hot this year 😨 i have big plans to ride my bike a lot more and i can’t do that if it’s 40+ degrees out 😱

oh that’s so sweet, they’re perfect petnames for you too because!! you are such a sweetheart! ah!! and yes, as an aquarius (which explains the theatrics, and the rambling) i’ve poured over these messages to you trying not to sound... insane. you can let me know if it’s worked or not😂 😇

and though it was busy, i did have a really nice day! i got to do some yoga and workout, and cook and watch an interesting travel show with my sister, where the host goes to places that maybe aren’t considered top travel destinations- but he usually finds in the end that they’re all delightful and worth traveling to. it turned out really informative and visually beautiful! it also added a lot of places to my travel list 😂

in closing i wanted to ask- what’s bringing you joy lately? what things/people/etc are brightening your days? 🤗

hi love!!! i’m sorry it’s been so long and i replied so late i saw this lovely message and didn’t have time to read it all so i wanted to properly read it.

you know when u think things are better but then u fall into another slump... yeah. but i am feeling much better now i promise hehe

my favorite tea is red fruit mix!! i’ve been loving this one from a brand called nature’s heart and they also have a box with mixed flavors that include peach, mango, coconut, it’s so so good and i have that usually before bed every night to calm me down.

i’m really glad u decided to buy the boots for yourself fuck what anyone else thinks if u feel good in them thats all that matters and im glad it gave u more confidence bc that’s what counts. i’m sure that they look lovely on u :)))

the weather has been so hot lately like to the point where its unbearable. i dont leave the house usually but the other day i literally went for a walk bc i couldn’t bear to be inside my house lmaoo and we’re coming on to autumn soon so i hope the temperatures do drop a bit. and ohh im happy u get to ride a bike!! i dont have one myself but my friends always ride around the park near my house and i get to see them sometimes :D

about the petnames im super happy with anything u choose. i couldnt have guessed u were an acquarius tbh idk why but dont worry u dont sound insane im loving ur messages a lot hehe. im a virgo btw from september and yeah the whole overthinking and perfectionism character traits.....very real.

omg i love travel shows, whats the name of that show?? i might check it out. right now i’m just catching up on some tv shows that i watch and watching dramas weekly like atots, we best love, lovely writer. but i also wanna watch something on netflix that can keep me entertained for when i need it.

you’re so so sweet for this message and i’m the worst for replying so late but i guess to answer ur question, i haven’t been really feeling genuine happiness lately so that’s why i felt so down. but if i had to name some things... teaching kids online makes me very happy if there is something i enjoy and i’ve been eating healthy and working out for 2 months now and i’ve been super motivated so i’m proud of myself for that. well also i really enjoy cooking, i’ve been trying out new recipes as well so that brings me happiness. and i guess something cheesy like staring at the sunset bc the summer sunsets here are just so gorgeous hehe. thanks for reaching out and i hope you have a lovely night in so cali ;)

#reply #whispersecrets #anonymous #im so sorry im so late aaaaaaah

1 note · View note

kunoichi-ume · 5 years

Note

7. List your NoTPs from each fandom you’ve been in. 8. How did you get involved in your latest fandom? 17. Who was your first OTP and are they still your favourite? 23. Name a fic you’ve written that you’re especially fond of & explain why you like it. 41. List and link to 5 fanfics you are currently reading: 46. If someone was to read one of your fanfics, which fic would you recommend to them and why? 😁

ThisFanfiction Questions

Wow that is a lot of questions, nosy much? Jk thanks friend :D

7. List your NoTPs from each fandom you’ve been in.

I don’t know that I have proper NoTPs just ones I am not really fond of - especially in fanworks. Idk why but for some reason fanfiction about a canon couple is just boring to me, I already know they are together so why would I need more stories about it?

One Piece: Luffy and well... anyone. He is too in love with adventure to have a romance and lets be real, always feels like a little kid unless he is in one of his “gotta win or everyone is screwed” serious moments.

Fairy Tail: I do not like Ju.via and Gray, enough that I don’t even want to chance her name ending with this in her tag because many people in that fandom are toxic and last time I dared say I don’t like this ship I got bitched at for it. Sorry, I just don’t find stalking someone until they give in to be romantic.

Naruto: I do not get people liking Sasuke with pretty much anyone, but especially Sakura or Naruto. He is an ass to them repeatedly and they both deserve better - and being very honest, he deserved much stricter punishment for all the ship he pulled.

Star Wars: I am going to preface this with this: I haven’t seen Clone Wars. Not all of it. Probably won’t. But I don’t like the Obi-Wan and Satine relationship. Everything I have seen of it just doesn’t jive for me, even though both voice actors are adorably sweet and meeting them was a blast.

Swtor: I have not done all the romances yet, so this may change, but the SW and Jaesa is just... disappointing. Its mostly about her being possessive and manipulative and very little actual romance. The other SW relationships prove is doesn't have to be that way, so why is she? I get that they were probably going for the whole “fallen Jedi going balls to the wall crazy” but yeah, didn’t need to happen and I hated it so much I cut the romance planes I had for her and Tully even though I already planned to write it differently.

8. How did you get involved in your latest fandom?

I started playing Swtor and didn’t know about the romance options so when I could suddenly flirt with Doc I even stopped playing to turn to my husband and go “omg I can flirt with this guy?” He knew this of course and was just like “yeah...” (Honestly I had made a trial account for swtor when it first came out and if I had known about the romance options in the stories I probably would have staying with it instead of forgetting about the game). It was only a matter of time before I wanted to write a story about Noara and Doc, because I did totally ship them until a certain blond Mandalorian made his presence known.

17. Who was your first OTP and are they still your favourite?

First otp... I think that would be Nami and Trafalgar Law from One Piece. I love them so much, even now despite not being active in the fandom and soooo behind on both the manga and the anime. They are not my current favorite though, that has to be Noara and Torian.

23. Name a fic you’ve written that you’re especially fond of & explain why you like it.

Oh goodness a fic I am especially fond of? And why? Thats a tough one because I have little bits of love for all of them but I mean.... A Poor Stand In is probably one of my favorite things I have ever written for many reasons, the subject matter, approach and reactions mainly. Plus it just makes me laugh, I find it very funny on a lot of levels. Still waiting for someone to ask me wtf is wrong with me that I wrote this but since no one has maybe people are more into Khem then they like to admit? ;)

On a more serious note I am very fond of Well Played Cadera because I like the blend of Noara’s anxiety and fears, the arguing, the humor. Torian is a little shit in it and is so right to be, and it works too. He is figuring out how to get his Jedi to listen to him, even if it means taking off all his clothing.

41. List and link to 5 fanfics you are currently reading:

I have been terrible about reading fanfiction lately but seeing as how my Goodreads challenge is sitting at 98/30 for the year I am going to cut myself some slack and just say I am on a sicfi romance novel kick that is taking precedence over fanworks. That being said there are some that of course I am following and even if I am a little behind on I totally intend to catch up.

Heart on a Trigger by @cinlat

Part 4 of the Meet Me On The Battlefield series about Mandalorian turned Republic Trooper Fynta Wolfe and Aric Jorgan, plus a large cast of other amazing characters (like Cormac, I love that big fluffy teddy bear). I am sure anyone paying attention to my blog is surpsied I am keeping up with this one, I get sneak peaks at updates before they come out (or are even edited properly) and my girl Noara is a small background character.

Something Better by @shimmersing

This was recently finished and omg, I need to go read it all but I just know it’s going to be good. I adore the way Shimmer writes Aitahe and Erithon and, honestly, it being a non-canon couple availabe in game makes it just that much more appealing to me (because no matter how this JC and Trooper end up together, it’s new to me and not just rehashing the game, makes it exciting!).

Abundance of Faith by Laivaaja

The Summary: Star Wars Fan Comic: Emperor Palpatine's suspicions of Darth Vader grow intolerable, which will cause the Empire and the Imperial Navy to be torn into two separate directions. Several officers will step up in this time of confusion, and Darth Vader will form new surprisingly faithful alliances.Yeah that’s it, great art, comic book story telling, Vader being surprised by his men. It’s a fun ride.

Chaos and Opportunity by @inquisitorhotpants

I haven’t read it in a while, but anything I have read as many times as I have this one needs to be on this list. I love the dynamic between Marr and Kryn and how their relationship develops and the way this story doesn’t accept canon (I was so concerned about Marr’s in game death and at least in this story about them that didn’t happen and I for one am thankful for it).

The One That Got Away by @punsbulletsandpointythings

Another SW but not Swtor one, this one has so much wonderful angst, fluff, humor and love in it and every update has left me dying to know what was going to happen next. Give me some time travel possibly doomed from the start romance any day.

46. If someone was to read one of your fanfics, which fic would you recommend to them and why?

Humm... of works only written by me probably I’ve Got You even though I haven't updated in ages (I have been working on it the last few days though, that has to count for something) because it is what really got me back into writing after not doing it in a long time and the main story really exploring how a Jedi and a Mandalorian can work out in a relationship.

Of things I wrote with @cinlat Thunder and Scars for sure. The whole undertaking of this fic was both so much fun but also such a labor of love and heartache. There is one scene in it that even thinking about it now makes me tear up a little and I am not usually that emotional. Exploring those emotions through Noara and the family she found with Fynta, Cormac and Aric was a wonderful learning experience both for her as a character and me as a writer.

#Fanfiction meme #about me #and my writing #and my reading #and fics I am obsessed with #cinlat

13 notes · View notes

theycallmemrgluskin · 5 years

Text

Letting it all out.

I’ve decided to vent this one all out so if you don’t like negative stuff, then just stop here and know that I’m in a rough situation right now.

With that said I’ll start off from the beginning.

Last week I got caught up with a few things in my personal life and then when I checked my shifts on roster I noticed my shifts had been cut back which is very unusual for a night staff. We always do 7 on 7 off if that makes sense. So when I saw that someone else had been given my shifts I was really hitting rock bottom. I honestly spent my first nightshift last Thursday night crying. On top of that my Team leader asked me to come in for a performance review, which at first i was excited about until I had been told another staff member had taken all of my shifts. Then I started to dread the harsh reality of things.

What if someone had said something to the team leader and made me out to be unprofessional? Because in a work place that is dominated by shitty, bitchy women that act like a bunch of school girls...everyone is out to get each other.Which is sad considering we have a job to do and have to act as a team to properly take care of the clients we look after.

So I tried to keep to myself on Friday but again reality daunted on me. Where are my friends when I need them? I felt alone, nobody ever checks in on me, nobody ever really cares about me. It hits pretty hard when you feel like youve done something wrong and then feel like all the people around you treat you like a palgue. Like you are stupid and aren’t worth talking to unless you need something from me. Hell even one person I thought I was close to hasn’t even bothered to talk to me. SO Ive given up on the idea of having friends, of talking and venting things out because it feels like I’ve been here for so long in this dark box. Like sometimes I watch my friends and how they all rp together and yet there me, just watching and waiting and I know its none of their faults, they have their own verses. Its just hard seeing some of your friends happy together and when you try to involve yourself you just feel like crap.

It brings back memories of someone who used and abused me and manipulated me and everything they used to say about the others and how I was being treated. Idk maybe this is also partly my own fault for not reaching out to my friends but in all honesty who reaches out to their friends just to complain? Thats why I haven’t bothered to contact any of them because I feel bad, I don’t want friends to think the only reason I’m talking to them is to bitch about things. Whether its work or rping.

I’ve felt like this for a long time but I suppose it just took for me to hit pretty hard to realize how I’ve truly been feeling deep down.

Ontop of that I had my ‘performance review’ today and its absolutely pissed me off and hit harder then a ten tone tessy.

There are two reasons why I was taken off nights.

1. Apparently I am not cleaning to the Team Leaders liking. This actually devastated me because if you know me in person, I clean, I clean and clean and clean and I know I leave that place spotless. However the TL says when she comes in its a mess. I honestly wish I had of kept taking photos of how clean things where before i left just to prove to her that I am doing my job.

I explained to her in depth of the things I clean, the areas that get dirty the most, what I clean with exactly and what I find works best with certain things. SHe took all of that in and I even told her of a few complaints i have with other staff not doing their job. Will they get into trouble? NO, because they aren’t night staff and it seems to me that nightstaff always cop the blunt of it because Day staff often look at their jobs, sign them off, but never do them because to them they don’t want to and it can be left for ‘nightstaff’ to do it all. Which again comes down to the fact that I do it all, I work so hard that I put in so much effort into it and yet here I am copping bs because other staff can’t clean and can’t do their proper jobs.

I honestly would like to know whats a mess, whats dirty, when i leave? Because everything I do I keep clean and I clean more then whats just on my sheet of to-do-list.

So this has hit pretty hard for me and I’m at that point where I just don’t care anymore. If they stumble upon this then so it may be, I’ve done everything I can, I have worked till my back aches and my hands heart from constantly scrubbing and cleaning and going up and above. And here I am, feeling like shit, being told that part of the problem is that fact I can’t clean to top grade when thats exactly what I do and I now have to redeem myself. Like wtf? why does everyone else have to come first, why can’t people actually listen to me and understand I am doing my job? why don’t people understand there are two sides to a coin?! seriously, why?

2. thing that has come against me is another staff member. Which proves just how fucked up my work place is and how they seem to favorite certain people. In a nutshell this other staff member stepped down from a higher position and wanted to do nightshifts and because I am a casual and they are a permanent part time, I literally copped the short straw of it all. Heres the funny thing, legally I have to be informed of this and legally I have to agree to completely lose ALL of my shifts because thats what they have done and left me with no shifts at all. Which in a legal point of view is wrong. Casual is understandable shifts can be taken away and its never guaranteed, but to take them all away and leave the staff member with nothing, even though said staff member has put in inquiries about it and never informed, yeah...you get the point.

I’ve just been feeling like I’m getting treated unfairly in every situation I’m put in and to be honest, I am very much over it. Where is my turn to actually feel appreciated? I’m just over this feeling, this damn rollercoaster of trying and failing so hard only to be felt like a fool at the end.

#[absolute negative]#{ooc}; voice of the mun

3 notes · View notes

caps-clever-girl · 5 years

Text

thoughts on endgame.

fair warning, i am not going to be kind. i enjoyed watching this movie, for the most part. it was funny; it had many good jokes and good, pure and well done interactions between multiple characters. but i didnt like it, and here are the reasons why.

unfortunately, this isnt a ‘nitpicky’ post. my main problems are with a lot of the bigger points points of the film, and had quite a few. this is a LONG post.

• “marvels first gay character!!!!!!!!!!!!” shut up. you joined the ‘fad’ late for brownie points and it was a cameo character who got about 3 lines. there are plenty of canon queer and gay characters who could have been introduced, either as cameos or in earlier films. dont even get me started on the fact that tony has more canon bi material than most others and marvel could have taken the time or even the slightest bit of effort to make this. while i enjoyed the jokes about steve being Incredibly Hot and his ass being Gods Gift To America (which honestly??? correct!) that could have been expanded on. several characters made comments about how nice steve’s ass is, and could have been used as actual material for a queer character, instead of sticking a random chharacter in there. i get the whole ‘gay people could be anyone! its normal!’ thing by giving the ‘role’ to a regular person, but you would also prove that by making any one of your 30+ main cast actually queer instead of making gay jokes and hints that could be retconned and explained away by humour.

• slapping someone out of a panic attack, and treating the panic attack like a joke. yeah, i get it, they didnt have a lot of time. still, come on. did iron man 3 teach you nothing? apparently not since tonys ptsd was pretty much never brought up again.

• speaking of thor. now, i am not an expert, but when a person gains weight, they do not keep their abs. certainly not after five entire years - not even asgardians. i also found it odd that thor became the way he did. i understand gaining weight and comfort eating after all the trauma thor went through losing his home and brother and people, i really do, but 1.) do it properly, at least, and 2.) thor is the leader of his people. does he want the task? not particularly. he hasnt wanted to be king since the first thor movie, but hes been forced into the role. even depressed i dont think thor would shy away from it, not completely. hes always wanted to do right by his people and i think that hed stuck to it, especially after The Snap backing him into a corner, if that makes sense. to clarify, i dont have a problem with chubby/fat thor. (IF done right instead of with weird, shitty cgi, that is.) i have a problem with the fact that thor, even though he doesnt want to be king, would abandon the last remanents displaced people to build a new home all on their own and become a hermit gamer boy. ESPECIALLY with valkyrie around. she’s been through a derpressive, alcohol fuelled time in her life and thor pulled her out of it. (mostly anyway, asgardians are party animals and im p sure she still gets trolleyed on the reg) i have bo doubt that after years of wallowing she would do her damned best to try and kick his ass out of it, even if it were just because his people need a leader, instead of letting him drop everything on her and just let him stew while new asgard gets on with it. i also didnt like the fact that all of thors emotional moments were treated as jokes and made to be funny when hes genuinely Fucked Up about eveything thats happening and made his image into a whiny crybaby.

• professor hulk. more of a personal one, this, simply because i just didnt like it. fair enough if y’all disagree on this one, im not going to fight it. i just never saw him wanting to combine himself with the hulk. ever. when he apleared on the screen i was completely blindsided, and his explanation, and the way he interacted with the kids????? i just want to know where all of this confidence suddenly came from. i use the term ‘suddenly’ loosely, since its been five years, but bruce has never been the guy to care about strength or looks or fame. hes always been shy and nerdy. not afraid to stand his ground or make his opinion known. hes bot a catchphrase, posing and flexing ‘hell yeah lets take a selfie’ guy. i get that thats maybe the result of the hulk and bruces combined personality but it just felt WEIRD to me, like, there wasnt a time in the film where i felt comfortable with the character. this was the final avengers film, with all of the original six avengers in it. but it didnt feel like that, it didnt feel like bruce or the hulk was in the film, even though there was a lot of funny and good moments with orofessor hulk, it felt like a stranger with some familiar characteristics. it ruined any feelings of nostalgia for me. i like bruce, and i like the hulk. i like the way their differences add to the story and the way they interact with eachother, and the slow change in their relationship. sorry if its petty but i prefer them seperate, theres just so much more to them for me.

• clint and natasha’s journey for the soul stone. both times, in infinity war and endgame, a male character and a female character went to get the soul stone. both times the male came back and the female died, and we lost possibly two most developed and main-line female characters in the entire mcu. now i understand the reasoning for both, and out of the characters that went there, i agree with the choice. thanos and gamora; it was thanos who was aware of the sacrifice and who chose to make it. gamora didnt get a choice and was unaware until it was too late. thanos was never going to die there. he knew there would be a sacrifice and chose to take gamora, because she would be the most likely sacrifice to actualky sucsesfully yield the soul stone because she was the most loved by him. i get it, but we lost gamora and i dont like it. clint and natasha; looking at it completely objectively, clint has a family, a wife and three children, that he wants to get back. natasha does not have any children, nor any (blood) family. if i had to choose, based on facts like that, id choose her too. but i still hate it, because there goes the only female member of the avengers. also, nebula (and i think maybe rocket?) KNEW that a sacrifice would be made and either accidentaly or deliverately left out the terms of aquiring the soul stone. it would have been easy to tell, if not easy to solve. but nothinb was said, and two best friends had to make a fucking awful and horrible choice when they might not have had to.

• on the ‘feminism’ tangent; the random congragation of women in the end scene??????? i dont????? okay so i am marking myself as a hypocrite here because i did love this scene!!! it made my lil gay heart go boom to see so many good and strong women all in one place - ESPECIALLY rescue - and it also made me realise how many women there actually are across the mcu??? which was really nice?? but it just felt... so forced? the way they ALL suddenly apleared and stood together even though they were all mixed in around the battlefield. it was a wonderful thought and i did enjoy it, but it seemed too Off and Odd to seem as much more than a bid for Feminism Brownie Points.

• captain marvel. i dont know about you, but i was actually looking forward to her being in the film. for a character so hyped to be the saviour of the avengers and the end of thanos, she was barely in the film. ‘i have other planets to save, the earth isnt the only one affected by thanos’ yeah but earth is the only plannet actively attacked by him. its where the people who are rallying to fight him and reverse what he did are. dont you want to stick around and help them? surely it would be a hell of a lot easier with your help, and faster too. yes, she blasted theough the ship at the end, but she did fuck all to help defeat thanos himself, and the help she did give with the ship came at the end. i genuinely think they kept her out of the movie because she was too powerful, and would have made fighting thanos etc too easy to get all the suffering and noble sacrifices in. if she had been a side character i dont think id be as mad, but she got a whole MOVIE in which she is clearly the start of the entire avengers initiative; she is their HISTORY!!!! she is so powerful!!!! and yet she has 5 mins of screen time!! it pisses me off that she was So Strongly implied to be the character the avengers NEEDED, the one that without whom it would be IMPOSSIBLE to defeat thanos; the woman that really tipped the scales in there favour, and yet she did fuck all. (and lets not even get started on the carol/rhodey and carol+tony bromance we COMPLETELY missed out on.)

• (speaking of bonding what the fuck happened to tony and nebula????? after they were rescued it was like they never met)

• the whole entire concept of time what the fuck!!! ‘dont change anything’ okay well for the most part you did okay, and the PLAN and CONCEPT was actually really easy to grasp, at least to me, which is hard when working with paradoxes and wibbley-wobbley timey-wimey stuff. but that went out the water when past!thanos and his army were brought into the future and disintergrated. does this mean they’re dead in the past - since they would have just. Left and not come back and therefore ceased to exist from that point???? or did tonys Snap simply send them back to their point in time, with no memory of what had occured? idk because it aint explained.

• speaking of; loki. again - his past changed; he managed to escape, with the tessarect. this is not explained nor expanded upon. assuming the events of thor 2 came about - which were impossible if he escaped - then his timeline would carry on as normal, and would PERHAPS explain the tessarects wacky timeline. (i dont know for certain, because i cant work it out anyway). but loki disspearing means he wouldnt have gone to trial on asgard, nor would he wouldnt have been in thor 2 - also by extention meaning that frigga is still alive. technically if he went back to get odin off the throne anyway, everything else after thor 2 involving loki/asgard would still come to pass. either way, we dont know. it was a nice way for endgame to give fans what we wanted; the posibility of loki coming back. but it doesnt make a lick of sense, and we have no idea if hes still alive/escaped or not, and why. personally i have no fucking idea and im pretty sure it was a cop out so they could give us what we wanted. which brings to my other point:

• giving the audience what we wanted. we got loki interaction. we got loki ‘escaping’ and ‘surviving’ (????) we FINALLY got rescue, who many fans have been asking for since i think iron man 2, and even more so since The Badass That Was Pepper Potts in im3. we got morgan stark and tony and pepper married, we got jokes about steves ass, and more jokes about male characters admiring how hot other male characters are. and, most importantly, we got tony having the nice relaxing life he wanted out in his cabin in the woods with his wife and kids (even if it was a horrific way of getting there). i dont quite know how to explain it, but to me it seemed like they were shoving as many ‘fan-requests’ into the film as possible - so that when they killed off 2 of the original 6, and removed another by ageing him out of use, they could lessen the backlash and justify the changes by going ‘but you got so mych that you wanted beforehand!!’. a tactic they drenhed us with because one of those 2 was a fan favourite that people were BEGGING not to be killed off because they felt that he hadnt recieved anywhere near the peace or happiness he deserved so far - and now never will. which brings me to:

• tony’s death.

there are two parts to this.

one, i was incredibly pissed off because strange’s Big Plan, the ONLY reason he saved tony in infinity war, was so tony could use the gauntlet and kill himself anyway later. anyone in that film could have used that gauntlet - and many wouldnt have suffered fatal injuries; captain marvel, steve, t’challa, peter quill to name a few possibilities - basically, anyone who is in anyway enhanced would have had a better chance of surviving and would have therefore been the better choice; aka, half the mcu. i think it was a proximity thing; tony was closest. he had the oppertunity and the others didnt. but tony didnt know about the option of using it until strange looked at him and gave him ‘the signal.’ the signal to sacrifice himself. and of course, this is tony stark. when is he ever going to refuse that.

but reason two, and this is the one that stings the most; tony started the mcu.

in my opinion, he is the character who has put the most in during the whole ten years. he, of ALL the characters, deserves his happy ending of marrying the love of his life and having a kid, without constantly fearing that hes foing to have them ripped away from him, that hes going to have to fight to the death to keep them safe.

one of my friends, when i complained about tony dying, said; “it was his time. plus, he had a legacy! with pepper and morgan, and the iron man name. how can you be upset?”

i can be upset because tony got the happiness he wanted after losing exactly 50% of what he held dearest. i can be upset because hawkeye got his family back, but tony only got five years with his wife and less with his kid, instead of getting the oppertunity to grow old with his wife and watch his kid go to collage like clint will. i can be upset because the character that has gone through the most trauma, both physically and mentally, who spent the last ten years trying to better the world and everything in it and protect it, who got the most shit for every decision he made and who ended EVERY SINGLE FILM with a broken limb or his face littered with bruises and cuts while every other film centric character ended the film usually scrape free, didnt get his happy fucking ending. sure, he has a legacy. but i dont give a shit, because that legacy - of iron man, of morgan and pepper and stark industries - would have been there whether tony was alive to see it flourish or not. but he wont be.

this goes beyond being a ‘tony stan’ or tony being my favourite character. out of every single character, from start to finish, anthony edward stark fucking deserved a happy ending and by god he deserved it the most. i will argue that until my end of days.

i watched tony stark on screen for ten years, and i watched him get progressively more scarred and fucked up. his parents. the ten rings. losing yinsen. obie. vanko and hammer. the palladium poisoning. new york; the nuke and the wormhole. the ptsd, the panic attacks. the iron legion and retirement attempt. killian and extremis and the end of that returement attempt. wanda’s vision. jarvis being destroyed. the accords and subsequent civil war. finding out about the winter soldier and his hand in his parents death. finding out that steve knew. siberia. struggling to balence iron man and the accords. losing peter. being stranded on titan, in space for weeks.

tony in that wheelchair, shaking and rail thin and unable to stand for more than a few moments will haunt me forever.

i watched him suffer for ten years - longer, even, in-universe - clawing for his quiet, happy ending while fighting for the happy ending he thought the rest of the world deserved, and instead of getting rewarded he just got beaten down and beaten down. after ten fucking hears of watching the backbone of the entire franchise get nothing but shit piled on him until he struggled to breathe for it, excuse me for thinking he woukd finally get the chance to crawl out from under it and be happy. no strungs attatched, no awful, sacrificial price to be payed, just for a man who had given so. fucking. much. to finally get something for once, and be allowed to keep it.

well i was wrong. and i feel so incredibly fucking stupid for even hoping otherwise.

and thats what i didnt like about avengers endgame.

#thanos might have snapped first but now its my turn #endgame spoilers #marvel #avengers #thor #bruce banner #tony stark #squeak.txt #rant #avengers 4 #captain marvel #iron man

15 notes · View notes

xuune · 6 years

Note

Dang mate, I gotta say that your art is some of the best I've ever seen and I always find myself on the edge of my feet staring at anything new you post cause I can't wait to look at it. Heck you deserve a whole lot more then nice comments. That's just all half of us can give you so we have to settle for that when we wanna like, shower you with glitter and shake your hand or something. Good gravy shaking your hand would be surreal. I love your art, can you tell? Lol.

my guy i cant even emphasize more on how i could tell this message was more than just 100% genuine, and it means a lot to me when i read these long messages that express so much wholeheartedness into it. i dont even know how to properly go in depth with how i felt about your message when i read it. like shit dude even if there was a possibility for you to shake my hand youd have to wait until i actually do tabling at conventions or some shit, and thats something i actually wanna do some day. maybe one day i would be able to meet some of you and talk or something idk. but even then im shit with talking with people since im just one of those people who usually dont have a lot to say unless theres actually something going that could keep our conversation rolling. not to mention, im really self conscious about the impressions i make on people so theres that lmao.

as much as i want to convince myself or have myself understand that people do actually like the art i create, everything just goes on a full circle of doubt where i doubt my own skills and capabilities even when i do work on myself to improve. sometimes it doesnt seem like it since what i present here will not always be explicit with the thoughts i have since some of these things i believe is part of no one’s business to care about unless i wish to address it or just shout it to some void.

i wont always be able to tell what people on the other side of the screen is thinking, so with that too its just hard to convince myself that people enjoy the things i make (and more so the reasoning on why nice comments through inboxes just catch me “off guard”). this sounds selfish, even while im typing this right now, but just seeing nothing in terms of comments on the posts i create just doesnt have me believe that people actually like it. if the notes are just reblogs with no actual comments or thoughts mentioned in on it, then i just wont see what i created as having actual value (”value” being the feedback i get and the opinions expressed by the people that saw it). i will only see the number of notes as just a mere number, not as people explicitly showing me that they genuinely enjoyed the content. and yea, theres the things with ppl using tags and putting their comments through that and you could just look through those, but to me, comments added to reblogs, comments itself on the posts, and messages through inboxes or dms just seem more valuable in terms of feedback; its more straightforward and open. so when people actually directly say how they feel about my art, it puts it on a whole new level for me in a way. im pretty shit with explain this whole thing on how im perceiving it, but i hope you and others reading this get what i really mean with this.

most of the time, i tend to find more value in seeing the feedback i get on tumblr than the ones i see on ig due to the fact that comments on tumblr are just so much more rare for me since tumblr’s system is based primarily on reblogging and tagging. sending something in through the inbox can be something intimidating for people, especially when theres no anonymous option, and i get that, but if i see a comment, then damn, thats just something that makes me go “woah, someone commented”. my surprise from that comment would just increase if the person commenting would mention further on how they felt about it. sometimes the more you mention just holds a lot of importance to the person reading it and has the person reading it deeply understand further on the feelings the person wants to express. i get the impression that some ppl would think that sending something less concise would be a bother for me, but it really isnt if you want to express more on how you enjoy my art and things like that. just talk to me fully if you want to do that even if it seems like my response to you isn’t long or just seems lacking in response to show equal reciprocation. im just pretty lackluster with words.

to get this out of the way, and to just mentioning it: my choices of actions here, the way i interact here, will always be different compared to how things are on my ig. some of the things i say here will always stay here, and wont belong on or be mentioned on ig, and i wish for it to be that way. i feel more personal with the people i speak to here, and i enjoy that a lot. through the inbox system, people are being exclusively direct about their message thats intended to grab my attention, and i love that when its someone who wants to express their genuine feelings through giving a compliment. ig’s environment compared to tumblr is just entirely different, and its often because of the vibe from the audience/followers that gets created. comments that get put on a post in ig just makes it seem like the comments are much more for the broader audience viewing it, and that just kind of deprives the idea of sending more personal feedback towards the creator of the content where it is strictly direct.

so yeah, often times its just harder for me to recognize when people are genuinely enjoying my stuff even when all the signs are there, but all those signs just dont give much of a meaning to it when no one is being explicit about it through words for me to read. its just the feeling that comes with it that makes everything more different about it.

#answered asks

37 notes · View notes