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#idk im sick of typing this is like time 3 ive tried to get my thoughts in order and im done im gonna go doom scroll reddit or smthn

icyfox17 · 7 months

Note

WAIT now I’m curious :0

How would you rank all the Lovejoy songs, from best to worst? I’m incredibly interested to see what you think of them :00

Ooh man this is tough . Look I love asking these questions to OTHER ppl but when I get asked them I panic /lh /j

1. It's Golden Hour Somewhere

2. Model Buses

3. Cause for Concern

4. Consequences

5. Everything else /hj

I'm ngl king I am STRUGGLING I REALLY WANTED TO TRY, I EVEN PUT ON MY LOVEJOY PLAYLISR BUT EVERYTIME I WENT TO COMPARE I LOVED THEM BOTH EQUALLY 😭😭😭

so uh o7

5. Scum, Poabs, Sex Sells, One Day, Taunt, Perfume, Knee Deep at Atp, Call Me What You Like

6. You'll Understand When You're Older, Oh Yeah You Gonna Cry, Concrete, Warsaw, The Fall, Posg

7. Perfect Pair (IM SORRYFUFJF ITS REALLY NICE I JUST DIDNR VIBE WITH IY)

8. It's All Futile It's All Pointless

Okay after listening to all of them I actually ranked quite a few higher than I used to. I used to really not like Posg or The Fall bc of the shouting (I am a sensitive soul and don't really like shouting in my music dhfkfk) but I've gotten a lot more used to that type of music so I actually vibed with them super hard

And uh yeah iafiap is still my lowest 😭 which is ironic bc the og is one of my fav songs ever. I just... it has way too much going on, it's so overwhelming for me shfjgkfkfk

But yeahhh jazz hands, ik it's not a super proper ranking but I am physically incapable of ranking them 😭😭

Besides those top 4 ☝️ (honestly idk if consequences is above all of 5... sex sells is sooooo goooddd but yeah for now it's there bc it makes me the happiest when it comes on)

Model Buses used to be MY Lovejoy song (it just... really resonated with me I dunno, I feel like it's my Vibe) but then It's Golden Hour Somewhere came out and it knocked it out of the park LMAODJFJGKG

I still adoree model buses eueueue but golden hour is I think more of my Vibe nowww, y'know? Ive grown. Model Buses was younger me, Golden Hour is present me (wild how much one can change in a couple of years). Model buses is still my baby tho ❤️

Also my ranking for Aya has always been all over the place but cfc being that high up compared to all of the other Lovejoy songs is definitely a newer thing. I just.. I love the trumpets in cfc so much. It makes me feel an emotion none of the other Lovejoy songs do. It honestly might one day get above Model Buses. It makes me so happy. It feels truly the epitome of an Indie Movie and that's my fav vibe ever.

OGOGIGOHIGIGUHOH I PUT ON GOLDEN HOUR AND YEPYEPEYEEPYEPU IT STILL REIGNS SUPREMEEEE THAT BASS JUSR DOES SOMETHIGN TO ME ALSO THE HARMONIESSSS I LOVE THE HARMONIES SO MUCHHH AND THE WAY THE CHORUS BUILDS OHMUGOSSHDJDJFKFKDJGKDKDJFJJFJDJDJFJDJDHFJGKFKDJFKGKGKFKFKSHFJFKDKFKFJDJDKJGKGKDK THE OOOOOOOOSSSS I CANTTT I CANTTT!!!!! GOLDEN HOUR IS MY SONG!!!! I LOVE IT SO MUCH!!! IT IS JUST PERFECT FOR ME!!!!!! AND THE TITLE TOO??? LIKEEEEE THATS SO MY VIBEEEDHFJKG

The funniest part is like. I tried SO HARD to go into wu&io blind. I avoided every concert video like the plague. I scrolled past all those clips on twt. I even debated not listening to cmwyl but . I didn't want to be that left out so I did listen to it (which predictably made me feel sick of it by the time the album came out 😭) but seeing the titles of all the wu&io songs I got attached to golden hour 😭😭😭 and was already being like "I bet u that's gonna be my fav" but I was like no. I will not be biased. And the first time I listened to wu&io I actually liked poabs the best but I think that's just bc of how fucking shook I was by it being the first song I listened to and when I told my friends that it was my fav they all were like "damn I thought golden hour was gonna be ur fav" but then . I relistened to it again (bc for me it honestly takes at least like 3 or 4 listens for me to properly rank bc I am often someone who will just like the song I hear first, same thing goes with covers. It's rare for me to like a cover more than the og song if I heard the og song first. But if I heard the cover first?? I will most likely prefer that one) and then I was like Oh. Oh it's Golden hour is good. Oh. And then I literally looped it like 5 times in a row 😭😭 leaving poabs in the dust LMFAOFJJFKGF and then as I started to listen to it more Consequences just started vibing w me more than Poabs

But yeah lmaoooo, apparently it's not just me who thinks golden hour is my song but I had like 3 or 4 diff ppl instantly clock it as my fav before I even told them/listened to the album 😭😭😭

Ough,,, I love golden hour sm,,,

Anyways thanks for the ask, I had an existential crisis over it LMFOAJFJGKGK tho it's only fair since I made April do it lolll

I'm so bad at ranking stuff 😭 but feel free to ask me more bc this was fun!! U just might have to deal with a lot of ties ^-^

#oops i didnt mean to rant that much help 😭😭#oo o o ooo u should ask me to rank wilburs acoustic songs next smirks #foxieasks #grace tag

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thedragonqueen1998 · 9 months

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I am once again going to rant and rage at AC 3:

WHO in their goddamned fucking mind decided that the shift key is both sprinting and climbing AT THE SAME TIME!? I cannot tell you how many times ive tried desperatly to run from guards, only to start climbing houses because i got too close to them and the game decided that i wanted to climb! And ofc i keep jumping between 2 boxes instead of going down on the floor to attack someone. It keeps fucking happening and im REALLY starting to hate the engine they used.

And how in THE everliving FUCK did they manage to create a combat system thats both shallow and insanely complicated at the same time!? HOW!? It is shallow because you only have 3 buttons: left click to Attack, spacebar to Break Defense and E to parry/counter, but it's complicated because each of those 3 actions can do a million different things the game just DOESNT TELL you about! Like, for example: Grabbing. In the old games i think it was Shift for grabbing and thats fucking awesome, but in this game it's not a button on its own. It is tied to the E button and some other button combo i CANNOT find out. The internet keeps saying things like; "it's the A button after a counter"(Dont know if it actually is, theres so many fucking button combos) and im just like, "WHAT IS THE A BUTTON ON KEYBOARD!?". When i go into the controls section theres nothing on what different button combos do, its just "E is the interact button".

And ofc the game makes it so some enemies cant be parried or countered or breaking defense wont work on them. OR NONE OF THEM WORK! I had to look up guides to learn that this game apperantly has a system that if an enemy attacks you 3-4 times, you can break defense on them, when before that wouldnt work. You know, that is a pretty good mechanic to spice combat up. IF THE GAME FUCKING TOLD YOU ABOUT IT! I am so fucking sick and tired of this game not telling or explaing jack shit about how the mechanics are different from older games. Nothing is explained, NOTHING!

God, i have had less than an hour of fun with this game and ive been playing for idk how long now. Seversl real life weeks and 60 hours+ i think i saw on my save file? And i keep having to take several day long breaks from this game as it literally brings me to tears everytime. Todays stream made me cry in under 30 minutes. 30 MINUTES! God, i hate this game! I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT

Cant wait to be done with this piece of shit ass game and actually play a game that i can actually fucking enjoy for more than a minute. This is literally THE WORST game i have ever had the displeasure of playing. And im still not fucking done. God, im getting fucking depressed and suicidal from this game. I dont have the mental health or capacity to play this game anymore, but because of my personality type(addictive) i FUCKING CANT STOP PLAYING THIS PIECE OF SHIT GAME!

Jesus christ, Edward, fucking save me from your shit son and grandson.

#rant #assassin's creed 3 #i just had a 5 hour gaming session of this game #and it shows #HARD

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lunar-fey · 1 year

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vent or whatever.

when y. when you dont get to eat dinner bc youre broke bc youre disabled and cant hold a job and your parents buy your food but they dont believe in things like "digestive disorders" or "dietary needs" so they basically tell you to either eat something that will make you sick or not eat at all bc they cant go to 3 different places to pick up food and skerples already cant eat the food everyone else eats (autism). and then they get mad at YOU when youre like okay. guess i will not eat then. because they are like ogh youre just being mean because you hate me stip trying to be special and eat it even though it makes you sick like the rest of us >:( like SORRY id rather not eat at all than eat something that will make me throw up. (me and dad have had extended arguments over this. he truly cannot understand this concept and thinks that everyone should eat things that they hate or that make them sick because its food and no one should ever be allowed to like. customize their food or get something else))

they did get me like some potatoes but 1. its like. 3 bites worth (none of us knew it would be that small) and it also tastes awful (i really didnt want to get anything but again they got really pissed at me for saying i just wouldnt eat then (not even like. in a passive agressive way i was just like. uhhh well i think im too sick to eat any of this. itll be fine) and looked like they were gonna cry about me not getting food. like idk but if you care that much about me eating then maybe stop picking the same 2 fast food places that you KNOW and have known for years that i cant eat at. maybe then you wouldnt have to feel bad or whatever. or maybe the real issue is just that you WANT to feel wronged by me + a refusal to accept that people can be sick for their whole lives bc you have been sick for your whole life but refuse to accept it. mom literally cant work and is on ssi bc of her disabilities but also disabilities arent real and no on has them and everyone can just try hard enough to overcome their symptoms. except her of course, because shes your wife. but fuck those kids tho. no matter how old they get they are still too young to have any type of medical problem, because kids are immune to medical problems and adults can simply will them away.)

anyway this time it was taco bell but also just because i want to get this off my chest too im adding it. normally they get like burgers and i can only tolerate mcdonalds burgers and bk to an extent (as far as wjats availble here. i knos everyone hates mcd burgers but they dont upset my stomach like everything else. idk why. they dont taste like a burger but whatever they do taste like is good to me. mostly i think they just taste like salt) and the sheer RAGE dad flies into every SINGLE time he asks what i want and i say i want a cheeseburger with no mustard. he LOOSES HIS SHIT. EVERY SINGLE TIME HE YELLS AT ME FOR IT. im like sorry man but if its got mustard im not gonna eat it. its disgusting. i dont want you to waste money on food im not going to eat. and he gets SO MAD. he doesnt WANT to save money; he wants me to be the perfect little military brat he tried to raise me as who never speaks unless spoken to or asks questions and does as hes told and eats disgusting slop and vomits and says thank you sir. can i please have more sir. and it AINT ME.

anyway if you wanted to know why im bad at starting conversations and you read this far uh. now you know. the ability to speak to someone else first got beaten out of me its not even anxiety i get so scared of getting introuble for starting a conversation that i black out and forget every single interest ive ever had. BUT if someone else starts for me im okay <3

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wolfoblog · 2 years

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been a bit

it has been some time sense i posted to my tumblr, after making that post a couple of months back i started to see things differently between life it self and what a relationship actually means to be a true one and where i had failed not only with freinds but with ones i care and love for, slowly but surely ive started to improve idk if the meds are really helping that much sense ive been on them a few months now and with my primary care doctor not being around where i go anymore to do checkups im not exactly sure if i should contiune the meds till their gone fully or just toss them as it can be harmful to stop them so soon without cutting the prozac into smaller doses, like i do feel better and less depressed but i feel their may be more then just depression that is causing me to act in such ways, ik its not that people arent doing enough as ive told kovo alot of times now i just feel like alot of the time i dont have that feeling to do rp with him at times or feel a need to be well “sexualy driven” to say the least, tho it may just be anxiety that could be the cause of the issue and me just not being comfertable with my self as i still try to go through the proccess of transition from a male to a female and try to find doctors around where i live to get on hrt finaly, at least he is seeing that i am trying for him to make things right for both of us and working this out as a team instead of alone like before, i dont wana lose anyone else or any other freinds

moving stress- so 3 days ago my older brother and his wife and i finaly moved into our new place and across to a new town, first 2 days or so we were all just worn out and it didnt help that we had no gas or hot water for 3 days which made it hard to cook most food or even shower .3.” the fun of being sticky sweaty and smelling not great wasnt fun, then the other day i was tasked to fill our freezer with things that we had from family, my grandma gave us a little to much stuff idk where to even put half of this stuff rn as i type this out, but our freezer is kinda booby trapped rn because one thing after another comes out when we open the door to it and its small and cramped but we make it work, then last night we had a panic attack as my brothers male cat little bit was missing and he was starting to cry as he is a emotional support animal and a big part of his life, tho luckly we did find him after a hour of almost searching qwq, the big goof was moving around as we tried to find him which made it even harder on us

job hunting when you have mental disabilitys- the title says it all it becomes rather hard to do when alot of stress and anxity rolls over you all at the same time, for me it makes it hard for me to land and keep a job longer then a week or month at most as it can get to the point i cant handle it all, get sick by accident and get let go by the work company a day later or so, but i still try my best even if its a little money coming in as long as i can get somthing in to help my family out

i think thats all for now i just wanted to make a small update for the moment but hopefuly anyone who reads this has a wonderful day

nova

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thisdreamplace · 2 years

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Hiii! How are you? I hope you're doing good.

I'm writing because I want to get this off my chest and maybe ask you how you'd deal with this. For a long time I've been telling myself I can't imagine being in a romantic relationship, mostly because many people have told me I'm dry and closed, and deep down I believe I am but I know it stems from fear of abandonment and that thought makes me feel safe. But deep down I know I am a sucker for romance and I'd love to share romantic experiences with someone. I've knocked down many limiting beliefs I had towards relationships and it shows, which I'm proud of, but I realized that I was still limiting myself when choosing "my type" I was literally forcing myself to like guys because they would be the ones who would fit with me. When in reality I wanted much more than that, and I started picturing myself with someone and discarding things I thought I liked but didn't, and thinking limitlessly about who my ideal type would be, but I was feeling inferior to this person I was imagining. I would imagine sitting down with my best friend and telling her about my relationship, and couldn't help but feel cringey? And I tried picturing other friend and felt the same way. Like my ideal person and my current background are so incompatible. Cause I love my friends and I'm thankful for them, but I feel like I like them precisely because they keep me in my comfort zone.

I feel like for a long time I've been infantilized by adults around me and treated like I'm useless. I started getting sick of my mom not letting me cook a freaking egg for myself because "I would make a mess", I am 23 and feel like a child. So it makes sense that I feel inferior when imagining myself next to a man who has his shit together, it makes sense to feel like dating me would be equivalent to failure to someone who's successful on their own. And I thought, then maybe I should get my shit together, maybe I should start feeling like a woman instead of a child, and acting like one. But idk how to do so?? I have gotten to a point where I even dislike most of my friends because I can see myself in them or because they remind me that I am immature. A friend of mine yesterday sent me a meme that "reminded her of me" and I was utterly disgusted about what I am projecting...

At this point and after writing this, I think it's not just about the sp. I do want a relationship. But these uncomfortable feelings are shame on myself for not achieving the things I thought I would have achieved by this age, and fear that someone else would see me the way I see myself, like a childish immature adult that has not adulted and that can't even cook their own eggs.

dear anon, i love you sm. idk, its how i feel so im sharing it. <3

i am doing vvvv well :3 i hope you are too when u see this reply !

so you have a lot to unpack. at the end of the day though the only question that matters is what you answer to the question, “who are you?”… “i am…” because god’s name is I AM. and I AM is what u are expressing (aka what u experience daily). its not about going out and proving yourself to others (“look at me ! i’m a capable adult !”) — it’s about being true to you. and if you are unsure who that is, i promise it truly reveals itself the more you let go of who you are not (all of the unloving labels you once accepted as true for you).

my best advice to you would be to sit down with these uncomfy feelings and really feel them out, down to the core. down to the pain. i adore the honesty in this ask, because honesty with oneself truly is so, so important. you cannot change what you are not aware of, and you are aware. so sit with it, feel it out and cry if you need to.

then transform it. give love to it, because you’re actually giving unconditional love to yourself. and experience the absolute freedom that love can afford us. full acceptance for our parts that we don’t like, allows us to become empowered. it allows you to see, ive felt the love within myself as i am right now — i can experience love from another just like this. there was never anything wrong with me — it was me who labeled it as wrong. and you lift yourself from that burden through absolute love.

don’t be harsh on yourself if it doesn’t go away after one sit down sesh — breathe through it and be patient and gentle with each moment. love always shines through, it always dissolves our deepest burdens if we just allow it to. so no more fighting, its time to love. this is the truest emodiment of the god within.

i hope this helps. always remember this: you are the light. you are the sun. ☀️💙

#allowing #i am #sp

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craigkinnietime · 3 years

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hi guys im into homestuck again and i have too many headcanons of dave that i simply cannot keep to myself cause im a loud mouth its under the read more

also i tried really hard not to like STEAL anyones ideas cause idk where some of these came from but i saw them before and ive been thinking about them ever since

I HAVENT FINISHED HOMESTUCK YET SO SOME OF THESE MIGHT BE BS IGNORE ME IF THEY ARE LMFAO

dave strider is a bisexual demiboy albino poc

he watches slime makeup mixing videos with karkat and laughs when karkat screams cause the colour is gross at the end

his fav colour used to be blue cause its the opposite of red and he didnt like his eyes, but now he said fuck u and reds his fav colour

he also had a phase where he despised the colour red, absolutely hated it

his eyes are like a bright red and he can see fine colourwise but bright light hurts and he squints, which is why he wears sunglasses (he also wears them cause he doesnt like his eyes but-)

DAVE MOST DEFINETLY SOUNDS LIKE GEORGE WATSKY, everytime i listen to seizure boy by watsky all i can think is “this is literally dave”

i feel weird explaining why cause i dont wanna trigger someone but he would have anorexia or BED (i have an ed im not just pulling this out of my ass so you know) even though he is skinny because of this hes naturally thinner than average

relating to the last one he would hide apple juice in his closet i swear all he consumes is apple juice

god this guys horrible at expressing his emotions, he had to keep up a poker face his whole childhood so its just default setting and now he doesnt know what feeling is what and why its happening

dave definitely has insomnia cause (nightmares, not being able to get to sleep, not being able to stay asleep, the whole shabang)

i feel like he would fuck with a dress. like he makes a makeshift dress from like random clothes around and is like hell yea this is sick yk

secretly loooooves cats

even tho hes albino he has some freckles you can see very faintly on his nose bridge, cheeks, and shoulders

maaaaaaad voice cracks. he gets super embarrassed by them

LMFAOO HE WOULD PROBABLY BE A SOUNDCLOUD RAPPER

I JUST FUCKING KNOW THIS GUY WOULD WEAR THE SHIT I WORE IN MY TOP PHASE LIKE CONVERSE A FLANNEL JEANS AND A BAND TEE I JUST FUCKIN KNOW IT either a band shirt his like brand cd shirt or a random shirt with a pun on it cause its ironic also he has like 3 pairs of black skinny jeans

this guy would have a thing with old consoles. like ps3 ps2 gameboy ds any of that type of shit and he would bug people to come play games with him on them (his fav gam would def be crash bandicoot)

hes gotta do shit at like an exact time or else he wont do it like eating, playing a game, showering, ect

when he gets upset or like tired his southern accent would come out more

sometimes i see him having snakebites (the peircings not like actual bite marks from a snake) and sometimes i dont but i thought i would just throw this out there he def has earrings tho

most of the time all he does when it comes to laughing is a low chuckle, but when he finds something like absolutely hilarious he laughs super fuckin loud i feel like he would start wheezing too

in the winter he forgets just how utterly COLD it is so then he goes out in like jeans a tshirt and a hoodie and practically dies

he wears headphones or earbuds all the time youll never catch him not wearing them (and hes definitely listening to his fav rad beats, might start rapping too if youre not careful)

EVERYONE TALKS ABOUT POKEMON BUT I JUST FUCKING KNOW THIS GUY FUCKS W DIGIMON AYYYYYY digimons the shit and he would love it. dont get me wrong tho he likes pokemon too idk what his fav digimon and pokemon would be tho for digimon maybe tentomon or agumon

he has trouble with like rambling so when he realizes hes beein rambling he gets like hurried and flustered (?? idk if thats the right word) trying to find a good time to end the conversation

i couldnt find any way to word what i was thinking really well so i went to go look for someone else who explained it well and i found this here u go dave mf strider https://bunsoldblog.tumblr.com/post/19906628739/trigger-warning-many-disorders-potential-mental

uhhhh thats it ig ok bye

#homestuck #meteorstuck #dave strider #davekat #headcanon #uhhhh maybe i should put tws #tw abuse #tw ed mention #dave strider headcanon #homestuck headcanon #most of these are just shit i do lmfao

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smalltragedy · 3 years

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* ryan destiny, cis woman + she/her | you know kira blake, right? they’re twenty four, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, ever? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to babooshka by kate bush like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole lazily stretched out in a ray of light, daisy shaped irises and daisy chain braids, performing an intricate dance to move the ocean's waves thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is october 31st, so they’re a scorpio, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( james, 22, est, they/them )

hllo ive hd kira in my head fr a bit bt i also know ntohing abt her! this is me winging it even though i hv no right to <3 this is my third character maybe whose birthday is in honor of ella n coincidentally 2/3 of them r in this rp. yea im messy smirks sexily.

DEATH, GRIEF, DRUGS TW

mini playlist.

wuthering heights ;; kate bush / babooskha ;; kate bush / dreams ;; fleetwood mac / california dreamin’ ;; the mamas & the papas / lavender moon ;; haroula rose / time of the season ;; the zombies / after the storm ;; kali uchis / left hand free ;; alt-j / always forever ;; cults / wait a minute! ;; willow / your dog ;; soccer mommy.

statistics.

full name: kira blake

nickname(s): keely.

birthday: october 31st, 1996.

zodiac: scorpio sun, cancer moon, aquarius ascending.

mbti & temperament: esfp & catalyst / sanguine.

label: the ebullient.

sexuality: bisexual.

pinterest.

biography.

born to two original hippies which hs pretty much set up who kira is fr the rest of her life <3 the type of ppl who didnt like the boundaries of marriage n held off frm it fr as long as possible until theyd hd a spur of the moment elopement involving a celebrity impersonator at fannie’s <3 yea theyre lesbians lets go <3

nvr rly took things srsly until kira ws like 5 yrs old n then they were like ah gee ah fuck we probably shld probably settle settle. n they job hopped n worked many odd jobs until they found their footing in careers they liked n one of them probably does like. blown glass art. n the other prob fixes old computers n other ~vintage~ mementos of the past fr ppl.

they make a decent living n they live in delpinius heights n they try a few times fr another kid bt it nvr rly works out (raises an eyebrow. adopted siblings anyone?) n fr the most part kira as a child spends her time running around town and tugging on the hem of other’s shirts to ask them small favors (mostly to play a game with her)

often left unsupervised as a kid, bt not in the way tht her parents dnt care (bc her parents love her a lot a lot a lot like she is their world) bt in the way tht they simply raised her the way they were raised. running amuck all day n coming home jst in time fr dinner, front porch light always on, cat always waiting faithfully on their stoop.

pretty evident frm a young age tht kira’s mind saw things differently, in a different light - the world an array of light n mystery n sound n taste n sometimes those collided n created new experiences. prob hs some form of synsthesia bt dnt ask me which one yet. she’s a painting prodigy with an excellent understanding of color theory.

always ws known as a kind of like. rambunctious kid. a well meaning class clown who cld nt keep her mouth shut fr the life of her. grew up constantly with a yellow card beneath her name in school bt ws always well liked by her teachers n classmates alike.

jst a very bright child who did well naturally bt always ws turned more towards art.

feel like her parents very noticeably turned a cheek when she started smoking weed w the cool older kids when she ws 13. the type of person who wnts 2 b liked so bad she’d jump over a hurdle fr it. hs jumped over many hurdles n many fences n many other obstacles to be liked bt does it without breaking a sweat.

(edit: nw tht i think abt it hwevr i dnt think she does tht anymore i think while a bit of a mess atm she. likes herself. n doesnt rly want or need the approval of others anymore she jst does her own little thing. bt when she ws younger? she jst wnted 2 b friends w the entire world.)

nothing bad rly happened fr like. a good bit of her life. got into psychedelics at some point in high school n tht only heightened her artistic abilities. most of her high school art portfolio ws probably done while high bt <3 does it matter.

hd a high school sweetheart n they were pretty serious like. full on in love. a total believer of soulmates kira ws jst like. this is the one. there is nobody else i cn imagine my life with.

death tw

death tw.

death n grief tw // yea. sometime during their freshmen year of college. car incident. kira ws nvr the same though she’d like to pretend tht nothing’d ever happened. like theyd nvr existed. like she didnt plan out their entire lives together hiking thru hills n valleys n boating across various bodies of water n traveling together until they were old n wrinkly. end of death tw //

cld nt explain 2 u why kira hd bought a van n completely demolished it only to drain all of her savings remodeling it bt nw she lives in it by the beach. hd dreams of travelling the world bt cannot go long distances in a car without feeling sick. sees planes n feels envy. stopped painting fr a long time bt she’s started back up recently. took on surfing. told her parents tht it ws fine n tht she ws fine n theyre concerned bt shes always by the beach, her van rarely leaves. she’s trying her best bt its only been a few yrs n i think ppl cn sense tht shes jst nt the same cheerful girl as they once knew. end of grief tw //

anyways. tugs on my collar. tht’s kira! she lives on the beach n surfs everyday n is obsessed with daisies n is prob growing her own shrooms somewhere.

personality & facts.

always been very emotional n a little dramatic. nt a drama queen bt is a little messy n does not hv like. many rational thoughts up in there. very cup full or cup empty.

regardless though she hs an. overall reputation fr jst being. enjoyable to be around. her her little moments bt shes also pretty like. laidback. in a way. KDSHFSDLKHGHFLKSD

prob bc she smokes a lot or is often <3 on a trip if u know wht i mean <3

god. got obsessed with the 60s n 70s aesthetic at some point n hs not gone back evr. big fan of psychedelic rock. is a prodigy painter bt her life dream outside of traveling ws always to own her own record label. hs nt happened yet, maybe will never happen? works at a record shop though n does hide the good vinyls tht she wants away frm the customers.

very cheerful n usually uplifting n she doesnt like to b negative around others bt smtms she cnt control it n smtms thinks tht ppl r out 2 get her jst out of. anxiety. hs long bouts where she’ll sit in a still sort of sadness n then shake out of it n hop back into conversation like nothing’s happened bt. its fine we’re fine kira is fine.

shes not gullible or naive bt wants to believe tht everybody hs a heart of gold even if its false. keeps giving ppl second chances bc she hs a savior complex n thinks she cn change ppl.

is very into zodiac n will judge u by ur chart. knows everybody in town’s natal chart. even newcomers. it’s a little scary hw quick she finds this information bt its very important to her.

kind of like. into spirituality bt i wont lie its very surface level n a little superficial. learning tarot cards bt cannot fr the life of her memorize the meanings so smtms she jst makes up things on the spot. hs so many crystals she will not stop buying them.

i think a part of her is desperately trying to cling onto tht like. think positive. self care. msg thts super prevalent online without addressing or actually helping any of her problems. it is her flaw </3

hates to admit when she needs help. wld rather do everything herself.

head is a little in the clouds n her parents r a little concerned fr her bc shes nt rly doing much rn bt like. she jst needs time i think. shes jst doing her little thing.

does not give up on ppl easily she absolutely hates dropping ppl frm her life even if she grows 2 resent them over time which is bad bc she is bad at hiding when she is upset at someone or when she doesnt like someone.

like shes jst passive aggressive abt it n does not properly communicate <3

bt this is rare i think ... negative feelings abt other ppl

self centered bt not selfish if tht makes sense. she will do things fr others without a problem n sometimes trips over herself 2 do it bt at the end of the day i think she cares abt herself the most.

hs only been in love once bt hs hd many infatuations n many like. admirations n very surface level feelings. her body is a temple n she loves 2 b worshipped.

prob does fkn. beach yoga. probably vegan bt also maybe breaks tht every once in a while. almost noncommittal its hard 2 distinguish between her being carefree, not taking care of herself, or jst hving commitment issues? flaky or not? who knows.

feels jst a bit too strongly bt tries to contain it. jst full of multitudes or smth. idk. icon <3

like. cares bt doesnt care. does thinks tht r purposely self destructive n then acts like shes like. cool girl monologue frm gone girl. bt does it while being like peace n luv on earth x

ok thts all i hv goodbye

wanted plots.

a pseudonym 2 fool ‘em... ;; jst hd this idea pop up bt i like the idea of kira going undercover 2 expose cheaters. whether she does this on her own accord or is personally requested by smbdy is up in the air. a plottable point. she h8s cheaters n is chaotic good she prob thinks shes the relationship vigilante testing the strengths of other’s relationships. once again she cld b. specifically going undercover fr smbdy 2 help them out. im sure she wldnt go 2 very. extensive srs measures like actually. sleeping w the assumed-cheaters bt once again. world is our oyster n i lov drama?

crystal visions ... ;; once again. shes super into crystals n astrology n she will base sm of her opinions of others on it. this is nt just abt her being judgmental of others bt also jst. catching her running around in the rain trying sooo hard 2 fkn. charge her crystals in the rainwater bc she forgot 2 charge them under the full moon the night b4. this is her giving wrong tarot readings. she hs no idea wht shes doing at any given time bt acts like she does know. acts like she knows the entire world. she gives crystals as gifts n will do ur natal chart for u bt will also pack her things n leave if ur a capricorn.

time of the season... ;; i dnt knw admittedly. this song’s abt being horny so perhaps? perhaps. kira isnt rly able to keep a grasp on long term relationships rn due to. factors in her life so she hops frm person 2 person often. smtms jst flings smtms its jst a relationship accidentally led on. shes noncommittal n a little flaky atm when she’s usually ride or die fr others. perhaps this is all in the name of some good fun! world? oyster.

literally anything .dsfskhdkgs ;; god. shes so new i jst dnt know. childhood friends. current friends. friends shes hd frever. enemies n ex lovers n ppl shes constantly pushing away or scorned lovers or both or anything?? she pushed them out of the roller rink to make more room fr herself or maybe they did tht to her. perhaps theyre both constantly pursuing some sort of fkn. meaning in their lives tht they cnt quite grasp. mayb they go on an acid trip together. who knows.

#irvingintro #death tw #grief tw #car accident mention tw #drugs tw #specifically weed n psychedelics i think

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imaginethathaikyuu · 3 years

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How did I find your blog? I was looking for soft Kuroo content on google. And your soft birthday hc’s for him came up. And that’s also how I found tumblr

What was the first story of yours that I read? That Kuroo piece ^

Roughly, how long have I been following this blog? Well I found that piece shortly after it was posted so…. Around the beginning of December 2019 I think. Got a tumblr a few months later and you were the first person I followed (had you in my bookmarks bar before that! (still have you in my bookmarks bar and when I share my screen in classes there are occasionally questions. I ignore them))

What’s something I’ve noticed about you personality wise? You’re really clever and funny. But you’re also sweet. But because you’re clever you have no hesitation in setting up and enforcing your boundaries, and I really admire that strength and confidence.

Have we ever interacted, either by PM, ask, or in the comments? What was my perception of you? YES!!! PM, SOOOOO many asks, comments, and you sent me an ask. And reblogged it. And I cried. A lot. My perception: you’re lovely and I want to h*ld your h*nd ….please.

What’s my favorite story of yours? Oh how to choose. Firstly, I’m a nb, biracial, bisexual. Honey, I’ve never made a choice in my life. But let’s try here. Anything you’ve written for Tsukki. Literally all of it is gold. Fight me. I was going to write “especially [piece title]” but I LITERALLY CANNOT CHOOSE ONE. Your Bokuto nightmare piece. Your Kuroo angsty fight. Your Tendou dealing with S/O with parents who yell piece. Your Kinktobers. Your Futakuchi and Mattsun pieces. And your Terushima pieces. Ugh. I CANNOT CHOOSE. OH AND YOUR STREAMER KENMA!!!!!! OKay just… all of it. I can’t choose. I tried, and I failed, and I’m willing to admit failure.

What’s a story I’d love to see you write? I don’t want to say this… because it hurts me… but I just KNOW you’d write brilliant angst. Some of my fav pieces of yours are pained beginnings with happy endings. That fight with Tsukki after a bad day at work. The pieces I mentioned above (nightmare pieces and fighting pieces and angsty home life ha.. ha.ha.ha.). That Oikawa one where the reader wakes up in bed without him and thinks he left. You write these gorgeous atmospheres and descriptive, visceral feelings, and if you chose to use it for evil…. You could get evil shit done. You’re SO powerful. So I want to read it… but also…. I don’t. I’d love to see you write ABO like you mentioned a while back or just see you explore a cutesy soulmate AU or something. I think you’d be really good at writing an AU where you hear what the other person’s listening too. I feel like you’d be so good at making me feel something for someone who was in another city. (think this would be cute with Tsukki cos he’s headphones boy, OR terushima because I like the dynamic of someone flirty, who clearly cares about looks, falling for someone he can’t see) ANYWAY….

Favorite pairing you write for?/fav reader insert? Tsukishima x reader. It’s my fav self-ship. (but also Mattsun, Bokuto, Oikawa, Tanaka, and Akaashi because you write them SO WELL!!!!)

Have any of your stories helped me through a hard time? Of course. Your self-harm piece came at a time I needed it. Iwaizumi’s in particular saved my life. But also your Tendou dealing with S/O parents who fight… came right when I needed it. Also starting college… was hard.. And reading and rereading your fluff really pulled me through it.

Have any of your stories hit closer to home? YES (see above).

Do I genuinely like your blog, it’s aesthetic or posts? It’s overall feel? It’s content? Yes. The aesthetic is, ngl, a wee bit basic. But I kinda love that. And the feel? It feels like home. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Your blog is my safe space. So, yes, I love. It’s content? YES. OF COURSE. Your personality probably could have kept me here even if your content was kinda shit, but I follow you RELIGIOUSLY because of your content. So yes. I adore.

Is English my first language? Kinda??? I grew up in a trilingual household so I kinda learned three languages at the same time while growing up. But no, I don’t need to translate it in my head. Because English was one of the three.

Anything I want to share? Yes. Please keep being kind to yourself, caring for your mental health, enforcing your boundaries, loving Akaashi, and just generally being you. You’re so lovely as you are, and I hope you continue grow, but never change. Also I’m sorry about all your work stuff…. It literally makes me feel sick. And I hope you find a job where that’s not tolerated, or that your work finds a better way of protecting it’s employees. I know you know this, but none of it is your fault. I just hope things improve. AND I love you… a lot. And I’m so proud of you hitting 9K and you deserve so many more followers because your pieces are just... GORGEOUS. I can’t wait until I’m at Barnes and Noble in a few years and I can pick up a hardback copy of your debut novel. I’m so excited to say “I knew Em Akaashi (which is your legal name as far as I’m concerned) before she was so popular among the masses.”

so ive been trying to figure out the correct and worthy way to reply to this ask since the moment i got it......because its so fucking sweet and kind and amazing and pure and perfect and i just dont know how to use WORDS to explain the way it makes me feel so.......i will just reply in bullet points in regards to every question u answered to make it a lil easier :D

- the fact that u found my blog on google ....... like this may be odd and a very specific thing but before i made this blog i always hoped that 1 day my fanfic would pop up in google searches bc thats ALWAYS how i found fics when i was reading them religiously and i felt so much ENVY!!!!! LIKE I WANTED TO BE THERE I WANTED MY FICS TO B POPULAR ENOUGH TO POP UP ON GOOGLE.....that may sound very selfish but its true......so thats just very cool to me... :]

- u’ve been here for so long omg 🥺🥺🥺🥺 if anyone in ur classes ever asks jus promo my blog like its nbd

- thats so sweet what 🥺🥺🥺 i try my best to advocate for myself and be confident for myself.....ive spent far too much of my time being silently uncomfortable because i was afraid of pushing someone’s buttons seeming rude.....but NO MORE!!!! i know what upsets me, i know my triggers, i know what i dislike experiencing, and im never gonna let myself be anxious or uncomfortable for someone else’s sake, esp if theyre being rude 2 me. i would say its less strength and confidence and moreso me attempting to take control of my anxiety in the places i can (aka on the Internet) bc i am SICK OF ANXIETY ATTACKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- BBY no dont CRY!!!! im racking my brain trying to think of who u are i wanna know so bad so i can thank u personally for being the kindest person in the world n so i can send u more asks >:(........MY HAND IS URS TO HOLD!!!!! dont tell akaashi tho

- OMG my TSUKKI pieces.....hes so hard to write why ;-; thank u so much im so glad u enjoy my works<3333

- NOT ANGST NOT LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!! pained beginnings to happy endings are my specialty.....IMAGINE me writing a sad ending like i CANT!!!!!!!!! ive only done it a few times and it is so Difficult.....YALL ARE SO LUCKY IM NOT EVIL!!!!!! ive had this idea for an angsty akaashi fic that i think about and write in my head every night before falling asleep and it Hurts and i wanna write it but i also can’t make myself :D ABO would be very fun but i genuinely do not know how to explore the concept while making it feel like it’s Written By Me.....u know what i mean? same with soulmate aus, i really dislike writing them because theyre just boring to me like they all feel the same everything’s been done for them.....which is FINE!!! but i write enough cliche stuff as it is HAHA, a long distance type soulmate au could be fun and interesting but ldr’s trigger me bc of a past relationship so </3 but hey maybe someone else could use the idea!!!!!

- gotta love tsukishima <3

- im rlly glad my writing could be there for you friend, one of the biggest reasons i write fanfic (and write the kind of fics i write) is bc i know firsthand how much reading sweet stories abt ur comfort characters can help u through the shittiest times - i just wanna offer ppl some support and happy feelings and love cuz sometimes fanfic is the only time we can find those things (and theres nothing shameful abt that either if anyone bullies u for reading fanfic i will fight them)

- I KNOW MY LAYOUT IS LAZY AND BASIC AS FUCK AND THAT IS BECAUSE I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT LMAOOOO so im glad u think its ok...... like i dont have the patience to create a fancy ass layout that actually works are u KIDDING ME??????? I COULD LITERALLY NEVER plus i kinda like that its just the basic kinda ugly boring default layout like it makes it simple and easy and i feel like it brings focus to the only thing on this blog that i care about which is my writing, i rlly only care about the content here and not aesthetics jdbljdabsdk that blue background will be there til i Die......i adore u more btw

- WHOA trilingual what the hell ur so cool tell me more

- you have my word, friend, that i will continue to do all of that so long as you do the same. take care of yourself, be kind to yourself - i know u can do it, ur so kind to others and u deserve to be kind to urself, too so this is the part that genuinely brought me to tears because *sappy dumb shit ahead* ok look ever since i can remember the one and only thing ive wanted to do with my life is become an author ...... dreams of book covers with my name written on them and words in pages written by me and fanart of my characters and going into my local bookstore n seeing my book there....these thoughts all haunt my fucking brain because i want it SO BAD!!!!!!!! so bad that it makes me CRY!!!!!!!! ive never wanted something more and just!!!!!!!!!!!! idk how much u meant that part but holy fuck!!!!!! i hope so bad that one day i can send u a free copy of my book as a thank u for being the person u are. u have all my love friend, every last bit of it <333333333

#ily<3 #long post

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rescuethewretched · 3 years

Text

hi friends! fun little life and mental health update

so i’ve been trying to get a handle on my really bad anxiety the past few days. (my aunt is sick w/ brain cancer, I am searching for work, having an existential crisis, dealing with trauma that is resurfacing, and other fun things). most recently, I bought a book of affirmations to help with anxious thoughts that I can read every day!!

i’m also using my film camera more so I can get back into photography as a hobby (bc ya know, hobbies and creative outlets are good for you I think)!!!

I haven’t been eating a lot lately bc ive been so worked up and anxious, and that’s really taking a toll on like my actual health lmao so I actually ate 3 meals today for the first time in like 2 weeks!!! which is a step!!!

also, I am back on meds and im starting back at therapy for the first time in like? 2 years or something?? which will be good for me!!! my first meeting is in 2 weeks!!

I may take a Swing at writing (probably star wars related) just to say that I tried it. i am not a creative writer by any stretch of the imagination, but it may be good to have a Project to focus on, ya know? I dont know. just an idea.

but yeah, thats how im doing!!! I hope yall are doing well. im not even sure why I typed all this out, but maybe it’s good to write out all of my feelings and “send” them off somewhere. idk! thanks!

#text #personal #eating tw /#cancer tw /#anxiety tw /

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kyufiber-moved · 4 years

Note

got any bl show suggestions?

abso-fucking-lutely i do !! i typed out this WHOLE thing then my computer crashed so this is my second time answering this ripskfjd

also i went in depth about everything so it got long, and imma put a keep reading!! here are some bl show recs:

love by chance ::

summary: pete is a popular and wealthy student who is very shy, which is caused by the fact that he is secretly gay. he meets ae, a fellow student and they quickly become friends. pete starts to have feelings for ae, but doesn’t want him to experience ridicule for being with a man, so he attempts to repress his feelings

my thoughts: this show is amazing tbh. one of my alltime favorite dramas ever ngl. it has 5 couples that are shown on screen (with small cameos from / mentions of tharntype), all of which are cute (except klano. we dont talk abt klano.)

ending: mixed, depending on the couple. the main couple (aepete) has a happy ending, but three of the side couples have open endings, one of which is super angsty

sequel(s): there’s a second season coming out in february, in which the side couple that got the angsty ending (tincan) will be the main couple!!

where to watch: youtube

history 2: border crossing ::

summary: yuhao is rebellious and has a short temper. when he is approached by the captain and manager of the school’s volleyball team, he isn’t interested, but eventually ends up joining. he then develops a very close bond with the team manager, zixuan, which turns into something more than friendship

my thoughts: very very cute !!!!! i loved it so much omf. also the side couple is step brothers and although they don’t get much screen time, they’re still cute. also the kisses b/w yuhao and zixuan (despite 1 of the only 2 being in a dream) are F A N T A S T I C

ending: happy!!

sequel(s): there’s a 2nd season coming out sometime in 2020, but idk when. also it’s apart of a series called HIStory which has several different storylines, all of which being bl. they are not related to each other in terms of characters or anything, though, so don’t expect to see familiar characters ^^

where to watch: youtube

sotus: the series ::

summary: kongpob is a 1st year engineering student who stands up against head hazer and 3rd year arthit, who the first years feel is cruel / overly strict. the two start out as enemies, become friends, and eventually develop feelings for each other

my thoughts: no sexual stuff like many other bls, instead focuses on the romance part of it, the evolving relationship/friendship between kongarthit, the internal struggle of figuring out one’s sexuality, and the bond formed between students/friends/classmates. honestly?? storyline is gotdamn beautiful and i cried more than once just bc i was so overcome

ending: happy :)) (for all seasons and special eps)

sequel(s): there is a 2nd season titled sotus s: the series which takes place 2-3 years after the 1st season, where kongpob has become head hazer and arthit is now out of college and in the working world. kongarthit is also featured in the multi-bl special sequel titled “our skyy” which has special episodes set after the main official dramas surrounding various bl couples !

where to watch: it’s on netflix yeehaw ! but if you don’t have netflix it’s on youtube

together with me ::

summary: korn and knock are childhood best friends who meet again in college and, after a drunken night out, end up having sex. knock, who has a girlfriend, makes korn promise never to tell anyone about it and pretend like it never happened but you can’t hide falling in love forever :))

my thoughts: god SO much angst. it isnt an ep of twm if there isn’t angst smh my heart hurts watching it. BUT . it also has cute moments, funny af moments, and some SEXY AF moments . the sex / kiss scenes are unmatched bro . holy shit . watch the uncut versions too theyre even hotter i cant breathe 🥵

ending: happy

sequel(s): there are two “sequels”, one: together with me: the next chapter (which apparently wasn’t as good as s1 but i havent seen it) and then two: bad romance which features kornknock but the main couple is boyxgirl (and it aired first, but it’s set chronologically AFTER twm)

where to watch: youtube

theory of love ::

summary: third is secretly in love with his best friend, a straight playboy/manwhore named khai. he tries to stop his feelings, but is unsuccessful until he overhears something he wasn’t meant to. third, heartbroken, decides once and for all to stop loving khai- but just when third stops, khai starts.

my thoughts: anGST goddammit bl dramas love their angst huh. anyways i love the general plot of this and also like ? how aware the creators are of the plot sorta bc the movie flipped is a large af part of the show . also the kiss that ive seen ?? whew YES bro . also like before we get the happy ending there’s SOOOO much angst, even after they both know that they like each other ksjdf i haven’t finished it bc im mentally preparing myself

ending: happy

sequel(s): n/a, but if you want another drama where these actors are together, puppy honey has the same actors as a the couple pick and rome (idk if they have a happy ending though?? i havent seen it)

where to watch: youtube

great men academy ::

summary: love is a girl who is a huge fan of vier, a boy who attends great men academy (an all-boys school). one day she helps an injured unicorn by a lake (dont ask BRO DONT ASK) who then grants her one wish: to fulfill her love. unfortunately, the unicorn interprets love’s wish differently than expected, and turns her into a boy. love decides to attend great men academy in her male form, but she must remember to return to the lake and submerge herself every night before midnight to turn into her female form again, or she’ll be stuck in her male form forever

my thoughts: this drama........ whoever thought of this plot was on crack or smth. s’cute though. all the male characters are members of 9x9 (including captain, who plays noh in lovesick) also the main lead ends up with the person everyone acTUALLY wanted him/her to end up with so . YAY FOR US. still a WEIRD ass plot though

ending: happy

sequel(s): n/a

where to watch: kissasian

honorable mentions::

bolded : watched/watchingitalics : unwatchedstarred *** : hasn’t aired yet

- until we meet again (only an honorable mention and not an actual rec bc i haven’t seen it yet so i don’t know as much about it, BUT i know it’s good)

- kiss me again (the prequel to kiss: the series and also good but not PRIMARILY bl, focuses on three het couples/storylines and then the one bl storyline, but petekao is still otp asf)

- 2moons / 2moons2 (2m2 is a remake with a little better acting, a different cast, and more focus on the side couples than 2m. it is NOT* a sequel)

- make it right: the series (a bit old and kiiiinda shitty but one of the classics. also the second season is a little better imo bc the characters look more mature and the cinematography is better but ! s1 is a classic. also very . VERY sexual pls god do not watch it without headphonessjfkds)

- love sick: the series / reminders (love sick: basically the first mainstream bl uhhh ever. not particularly good / bold compared to more recent ones but it paved the way for current bls so we Respect love sick. ALSO reminders: is a modern sequel type thing set after love sick 2 when phun and noh are in university. also :: features almost all the main couples/actors from love by chance but has no relation/isn’t the same universe)

- the stranded ( i haven’t seen this but i know it has some gr8 bxb relationship shit ! but it’s not the main focus of the show i believe)

- 2gether: the series *** (hasn’t aired yet, but looks juicy af)

- my engineer *** (also hasn’t aired yet but again . i am inTRIGUED)

#asks #anonymous #drama recs #bl drama recs #recs #there's more but i dont want my computer to crash again and lose everythingskdfjds #plus like #you'll be preoccupied watching those before u need / want more recs haha !

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sodrippy · 4 years

Text

thank u legend @honeyreynolds for tagging me!!

1) do you make your own bed? no but not bc someone else does it for me, i just dont....make my bed...judge me but i dont care about folding and laying out my blankets when im just gonna come back in 15 hours to crash out

2) what’s your favorite number? i think it used to be 16 or 18 but now 7 has a very fresh spicy vibe

3) what’s your job? im a vfx artist! soon to be an unemployed vfx artist but until then i work as a junior artist in the compositing department

4) can you parallel park? when i was taking driving lessons my instructor said i was really good at it but sometimes if its a tight park between two cars ill half do it and then decide its not worth it and just leave grjdfcn

5) a job you had that would surprise people? ive only had like 3 jobs, i think the most surprising one is my current job actually

6) do you think aliens are real? dude duh

7) can you drive a manual car? i WISH

8) what’s your guilty pleasure? i think im pretty embarrassing on main already anyways, maybe though like reading fic counts as a guilty pleasure only bc i only read a very very niche type of fic and sometimes i will go back to years-old shows and pairings

9) tattoos? ive got the lyra constellation with some little flowers, and medusa on the back of my arm, and im biding my time to get some new additions (next on the cards is swords)

10) favorite color: how can i pick one bro it depends...i love turquoise and seafoam tones, but for clothes in particular im a sucker for that mustard/ochre yellow vibe, love me a good deep green too, i cannot choose

11) things people do that drive you crazy: seconded about grown ass people who just dont clean up after themselves but in particular people who use bathroom sinks and leave the whole fucking counter wet? what the fuck are you doing bro?? you bathing in that sink?? whys the whole place look like a fish just tried to escape your clutches?

12) any phobias? bugs. barring bees, if youve got more than four legs stay the Fuck away from me thank you!

13) favorite childhood sport? i used to play field hockey which was so fun, and i Loved baseball when we played it in high school sport but they didnt have any leagues or anything when i was a kid unfortunately. idk if gymnastics counts but i loved that too, only it wouldnt have mattered if i had been able to continue it bc of my back problems and all

14) do you talk to yourself? always babe!

15) what movies do you adore? i dont really watch movies bc i cant focus for that long, but genre-wise the only one im not a fan of is horror. theres heaps of movies that if you mention them ill remember how much i love them, but i can only remember like. the mummy and potc right now fdjnbn

16) do you like doing puzzles? i do but im really not smart enough to figure them out, and i absolutely hate doing anything of the sort in front of other people

17) favorite kind of music? i shift a lot between indie-pop and rock, as well as folk, but lets be honest my fave kind of music is simply hozier

18) tea or coffee? coffee babey! the only tea i like is my ma’s chai, and ok lemon-ginger lipton when im sick

19) what was the first thing you remember you wanted to be when you grew up? probably a writer, but lawyer is also up there as one of my longest-standing dream careers

id like to tag @gaylukecrains @pendraegon @lesbianbobbiedraper @valentimanes and @lizortech

#thanks dude!! i love 2 talk about myself grhfdcn

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feralhogs · 4 years

Note

1-100 TELL ME ALL

Get To Know Me Uncomfortably Well

1. What is you middle name?

Jesse

2. How old are you?

3. When is your birthday?

dec 9

4. What is your zodiac sign?

sagittarius

5. What is your favorite color?

purples

6. What’s your lucky number?

7. Do you have any pets?

8. Where are you from?

bc canada. my great grandparents are from russia

9. How tall are you?

5 something

10. What shoe size are you?

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

3 that i actually use

12. What was your last dream about?

i dont remember my most recent one but i had a banger of a dream i described in another post

13. What talents do you have?

i think expressing myself, or music, i have some talent that needs discipline

14. Are you psychic in any way?

well i am a spiritual person, in a way. and growing up in a toxic drama filled family, i have Developed the Skill of guessing how people are feeling and what they are gonna do. and i analyze dreams. so not psychic but i am really interested and intuitive whats goin on in there

15. Favorite song?

for some reason https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oilVq8-F4_Q colours by roosevelt ive been obsessed with lately i just loop that shit. loop loop loop. blaringit into my ears and speedwalking down thestreet. the beat.!!!! i feel like I took all the colours

16. Favorite movie?

spiderverse. i really enjoyed always be my maybe.

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

someone who doesnt make me feel like im Too Much

18. Do you want children?

not RIGHT NOW

19. Do you want a church wedding?

i have no idea actually. id want a special wedding definitely.

20. Are you religious?

yes, i honestly feel like i just come like this, i dont go by any books and i dont want to be associated with christians. if i be too religious i start getting the Bad Feelings

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

yes visiting sick relatives. and one in a psyche ward.

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?

i got a parking ticket

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

no. maybe i did and i had no idea who they were because id never heard of them

24. Baths or showers?

showers.

25. What color socks are you wearing?

alien socks that are green and black

26. Have you ever been famous?

no. what does that even mean !!!!

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?

yes because money but noooooo. its hard when one person definitely doesnt like me. if im famous some people just wont like me and theres going to be more of them

28. What type of music do you like?

stuff with electric guitars in it. funk. bops. i cant get enough lately

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?

one. and sometimes NONE. i dont fucking know why its just more comfortable. id lie down on a floor and pass out

31. What position do you usually sleep in?

i usually cant fall asleep unless im on my face with my arms tucked under me for warmpth and general log shape. after that though its chaos. dreamin

32. How big is your house?

BIG!!!!!! so many rooms. so many people.

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

on a Functional day, cereal. not because its my favourite thing but it doesnt require a lot of attention and its easiest to tolerate. my appetite is just. like this

34. Have you ever fired a gun?

HELL no.

35. Have you ever tried archery?

in my child days i shot my hair elastics around and pretended i was fighting aliens. this is definitely archery.

36. Favorite clean word?

i dont really think about words like that. pizza is a nice word.

37. Favorite swear word?

bitch. its really fun to say.

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

not all that long. if i was up the entire night i am usually sleeping in midday no matter where i am. ive disappointed many teachers. its called not caring.

39. Do you have any scars?

yes, but theres no dramatic stories to them, just me not leaving scratches and bites alone as a kid. they look kind of cool though. and theyre so mysterious. youd think id have scars from self harm but no.

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

i believe so...

41. Are you a good liar?

yes, when i am 100% like morally committed to lying.

42. Are you a good judge of character?

NO. my thought process is: its rude to assume someone is going to behave badly, and they will be offended and have hurt feelings if you anticipate that. i have to like. treat everyone with exactly the same respect unless theyre a dick. otherwise its being judgmental. and it ends up as naïveté. but im okay with that . the price of being a good person

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?

i could do a british one once i guess LOL and it looks like now ive Absorbed a mexican accent but i never really try to talk in other accents

44. Do you have a strong accent?

i dont know how to answer this

45. What is your favorite accent?

idk i like new things i havent heard before. and thinking about how other languages work. theres a lot of different accents at my work and i honestly enjoy listening to them

46. What is your personality type?

that.... INFJ. see. psychic

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?

one of the gay jackets

48. Can you curl your tongue?

dont think so

49. Are you an innie or an outie?

innie

50. Left or right handed?

left

51. Are you scared of spiders?

depends. i had these big house spiders in my dungeon at my parents house, and id just be “hi” and set them free. but if i see one where im not expecting it i might yell a lot and tell everyone and run around and then set it free

52. Favorite food?

tacos from my old work. i was indeed. screaming, lost in the sauce. i waited until i was away from the restaurant because i knew all my dignity would vanish

53. Favorite foreign food?

idk... i need to eat more curry. i need more curryin my life. bring it on.

54. Are you a clean or messy person?

clean

55. Most used phrased?

“this slaps” i feel like ive been saying that a lot

56. Most used word?

57. How long does it take for you to get ready?

a whole entire fucking hour (when i wake up) otherwise 5min

58. Do you have much of an ego?

i do, but i hide it.

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

chomp chomp. i am not a patient man.

60. Do you talk to yourself?

yes, when i know no ones around, or when im not worried about seeming like a crazy person at work

61. Do you sing to yourself?

nah

62. Are you a good singer?

no. i can sing and it sound okay. nice even. but good??? like beautiful?????? no.

63. Biggest Fear?

someone dying, natural disaster, new illness

64. Are you a gossip?

maybe. i feel like i have the Tendencies and then im like “am i being a bad person right now”. i want to know the deets though.

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?

i Simply Dont Have the Attention for Those

66. Do you like long or short hair?

BOTH . long hair is more fun to draw. short hair is hot

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

fuck no. why would i. fuck off. i dont care about your states.

68. Favorite school subject?

ART ART AR T

69. Extrovert or Introvert?

introerverte

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?

71. What makes you nervous?

people who are not Definitely Cheerful

72. Are you scared of the dark?

no. unless i think about things to scare myself on purpose

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

no unless they need to know. because im not a fucking ANIMAL

74. Are you ticklish?

depends. i can be not ticklish if im determined.

75. Have you ever started a rumor?

i dont think so... i started a rumor i was from mars

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?

maybe i was supposed to train some girls and then i probably didnt do a great job and they didnt listen. they say my job now is somewhat authority and im like...... ok......

77. Have you ever drank underage?

78. Have you ever done drugs?

79. Who was your first real crush?

someone whos OUTTA MY LIFE

80. How many piercings do you have?

two? i got them pierecd at claires lmao and i didnt get an infection because im so salty. then i took them out because they were from claries

81. Can you roll your Rs?“

hell yes

82. How fast can you type?

so fucking fast. faster than my work finder helper. im fast im very fast

83. How fast can you run?

IM VERY FAST

84. What color is your hair?

orange

85. What color is your eyes?

green

86. What are you allergic to?

im still trying to figure that out. whatever it is gives me hives

87. Do you keep a journal?

yes. so i can get better at handwriting and just talking in general and hear what my voice sounds like. and to have a space away from other peoples needs and pressures

88. What do your parents do?

my mom is a stay at home mom and my dad shoots pop bottles into the sky

89. Do you like your age?

sure

90. What makes you angry?

everything. cabbage. i swore about cabbage for a long time the other day. i am just full of anger.

91. Do you like your own name?

YES. i mean i chose it i better. honestly my first name ......... i feel self conscious about it sometimes. i think it was the only name for me though. it wasnt the ideal most wonderful namei could find because those didnt fit, it was MY name.

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?

im going to have two sons and im naming them brick and rusty.

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?

yeah, i want a boy a girl

94. What are you strengths?

my strengths doing all 100 questions, this is serious muscles

95. What are your weaknesses?

the exhaustion of jumping from one question to the next especially when they are vague. im not complaining this was my idea

96. How did you get your name?

i pfound it in the baby name book and i was lie “hey yyy, i saw that name in black beauty, lets use it for my gay coded villain what the hell!”

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

no but i did have some ancestors who lives i a mansions andhad fucking SERVANTS. before you call me problematic my other part of family was like sewing things and not going to school

98. Do you have any scars?

weve been over this. when im older im going to get a cool scar fighting a dragon

99. Color of your bedspread?

pink, white, blue

100. Color of your room?

white

#chatty tag #WHEW

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ryan-is-here · 5 years

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Just a rant on a little bit of everything (I need advice)

Yeah I already know my grammar sucks

1.My dad is older so he doesn’t really understand the whole trans thing so I’m giving him time on it but when I complain about looking like a girl he goes “you are a girl”

2. I used to do makeup and I actually like it but I stopped because it was really uncomfortable and made my Dysphoria really really bad and I’ve done my makeup twice this week because I figured “fuck Dysphoria I’m going to do what I want” but noopppppeee lmao I thought I’d get over it so the whole day being upset and uncomfortable(I was at school)

3. Jeans are killing me because I can’t help but notice my thighs and it just makes me so uncomfortable and even when I wear regular guy jeans it shows and I don’t know what to do and I used to be into cross dressing and drag but it made me super super Dysphoric so I gave up on it for now like with the makeup

4.teachers:

I have a French teacher (I’m not taking French again next year) and she is so so sweet but I’m not out to teachers at school(just everyone else) and she keeps calling me mademoiselle and it’s so uncomfortable to me but its already the end of the year and I’m not talking it again so I’ll just bare with it I also have a sociology teacher and I have her class again next year for phycology 1 and 2 and I don’t know if I should come out to her now or what

5.My “friends” : I don’t really have any friends anymore but I still hang around these people who don’t support me there’s tori who has told me that she’s still call me by my deadname even when I started on T(she’s not transphobic just ignorant and self absorbed) but other then those type of comments every once and awhile she’s nice then you have my other “friends” they used to be my actual friends but they practically ignored me all the time I’m sure they didn’t mean too but I felt like they did and I’m hanging out with them in the mornings again and it’s happening again there’s also this one girl in the group and I’ve known her since I was 7 or 6 so about ten years now and she is obsessed with the lgbtq+ community like badly she’s lesbian but feels the need to tell everyone and ship every character together that’s female and she dose the same thing to gay guys and real people (like Eurovision idk if that’s what it’s called I’m not really that into music stuff except like heathers and bmc and I don’t really like talking about it I’d just keep it to myself) and she’s obsessed with trans people and constantly tells people for me that I’m trans I know I sound stupid I’m happy she supports us and all but I just can’t help but feel labeled as the trans guy by her and I’m more then just a gay trans guy hell im just a fucking regular guy that happens to be trans and gay

6.t

My insurance covers testosterone but finding a place that will do the bloodwork and the therapy shit to get it that takes my insurance is impossible (not sure what insurance I have) and I don’t have the money currently to go privately and I’ve been waiting to get on it since the beginning of the year and have been waiting for the 1st of 2019 to come since October now (I know I shouldn’t complain because people have waited way way longer than me) and I’m sick and tired of looking like a butch lesbian(no offense)

7. Weight loss tw

I’m like ether 5,3-5,5 and I weigh 150-162 pounds and my goal is 130 or 120 whatever’s healthy and looks good to me really and It’s hard for me to lose weight ive gotten really insecure with my weight to the point that I’ve just tried to not eat at all really but that lasted a full 3 or 4 days before I gave up because I love food and I’m definitely not recommended or saying “fuck yeah do what I did” because thats stupid and what I did was stupid and that goal was stupid you get the point but I just couldn’t help but think about the results now I’m just trying to loose weight by eating better ex: no soda or sweets except for a one small pice of dark chocolate every day almond milk fruits and all of that good shit (I’ve tried apple cider vinegar)

8.i just need friends like I’m lonely af my age is in my bio and all I really like is skating even though I can barely stand on my board yet birds mcr alternative stuff cadge the elephant the story so far blink 182 neck deep knuckle puck real friends and some pop stuff like Ellie Goulding

Anyways I just wanted to ask for advice on the teacher and ftm stuff maybe the weight loss shit too if y’all could give me it on that I’d absolutely love that (please)

#ftm #trans #advice #lose weight #female to male #gay #music #i want friends #yeet #i dont know how to tag this #lgbt #lgbtq

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talkingtomyselfblog · 6 years

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mourning journal 3

Agh! My apple AirPods ran out of charge! A new challenge I will need to be mindful of I guess. Here we go with another stream of consciousness. i watched the new cartia mallan vlog this morning and i am just so obsessed with HER-- like her aura, her style, her humor, her love for adventure, she has such amazing vibes. keep typing sheila keep typing you just arent getting into this like you thought you would you just need to keep typing. im going to yoga today! which will be fun. im wearing heals today that might be uncomfortable we’ll see. ive been thinking lately about love, in like a lonely way lol. idk. i want to feel it. im at home and dont feel love like i think others feel it. i dont feel comfortable at home. at least, not fully. and idk. i want a companion. but like, i havent felt anything close to that in a while. sometimes i think about my ny guy but i convince myself he never thinks about me. i guess this is all my doing though. lets rewrite that. i bet my ny guy thinks about me. hes probably sad the moments gone like i am. and i do feel love at home. its unique and im lucky enough to experience it. i am grateful. i am grateful for the trees which give us so mcuh. im thankful for the opportunity i have to work in san francisco. I am grateful for my parents who love me so much they dont know how to handle it. i am grateful for my brother who tries his best. i am grateful for my introspection. i am grateful for the bart, which is saving me all the gas money. im thanksful for the friends i do have. im grateful for all the love i recieve. im thankful for nature for giving me so much love and comfort and beauty. so ive been thinking about looking more into wicca. idk it just kind of feels right to me.... like a religion worshipping nature feels safe to me. and it embodies all ive been thinking about lately, with my facination with tarot cards and crystals and yoga...idk it came to me and it makes sense. i appreciate this time ive been given to be alone because it has forced me to look at what i love and what facinates me. i can say i have a hobby and passions which was missing . before. so i hope to really go al in and doing the necessary research to feel comfortable with it all. i want to really know astrology and i want to be able to confidently give a tarot card reading and i want to know when to use what crystal and talk about them to other people with ease. i hope really diving into the things i love will help me meet someone who i vibe with. because i do love myself dont get me wrong...but i wanna experience life with someone else. not just anyone. but having company sounds nice. ugh i was about to stop tyoing but realized im not even car sick thank god so i should keep going! work has been good. stressful but good. i hope i make friends soon. but i also dont want to rush it. idk. i guess i am really fucking lonely man. i still think about the friends ive left behind and am really fucking proud of my strength because why interact with people that probably arent thinking the same thing abut you and probably dont think about you nearly as often as you think about them (hence the reason you broke up with them in the first place) im so sick of the toxicity i jsut want to meet someone where its so easy to get along and we just mesh and understand each other and i dont care who it is i dont need a romantic partner i just need a partner and if its romantic or sexual then thats a bonus but i dont want to be closed off to any ideas. i also think about how no one in the family who is under 32 is talking to me. makes me feel like im, diffoicult to get along with, or i really get under peoples skin. and it really hurts when its familty. becaue they are suposed to love you for who you are, unconditionally. but not even the americans are cabable of doing that. its really sad and i dont htink theres much i can do about it cause its their problem. im great. and if you dont want me. thats your loss. its your loss. im fantastic. im funny, im clever, im introspectiive and philolo[hical so can hold a great conversation. im pretty, im fun, im always down to try new things. i am cabable of loving so har.d im a catch. i know why peoiple have an . issue and its just because we edont work out rightn now in our lives. things will work out when they work out and i just need to be patient and take things as they come. stop dwelling in the past stop thinking about the future just focus on the now. how do i feel right now? im a bit tired but ready for the day. im so grateful for this seat i was able to find on bart. im grateful for this opportnity to write my thoughts down. and im so happy i stuck with it because this felt good :) omg someones storing behind me LOL. things i want to manifest this year are moving out and going to columbia to visit yvonne. thats all i would liek to manifest. and i missed the eclipse and im so sad about that. i want to meet more people into this stuff to maybe help me remenber important dates like that. nbuut i alwso want to be able oto remember on my own. i just need to keep reading sheila. you need to jeep reading because you are more than capable of becoming comfrotabel with this knowledge on your own. i know youve alwasy taken the easy way and not help as much responsibility when it comes to learning probably due sto insecurity and your inferiority complex given to you through emotional abuse in your household. but you can do it. especially now. because you are so grwon and have really learned from so much that has happened. im so freaking proud of you. IM SO FREAKING PROUD OF YOU SHEILA!1!! you have gone through so much and i know it. i see it. i see you, and i love you.

#mourningjournal3

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