#and i felt so guilty abt leaving but like. was crying at work any way to be? i dont think so | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

basketofvoilets · 1 year

Text

my comedic car wreck and hospital visit in chronological order (so i don’t forget)

1. i’m driving home from work (alone, thankfully) and i REALLY have to poop

2. suddenly i get t-boned right on my door, the car goes flying across the highway until i got control of the wheel (tip: put your car in park as soon as you can. that’s the first thing my mom taught me when i learned how to drive)

3. the airbag hit the left side of my head with such ferocity that it brought me out of my shocked state and back into reality. thankfully i got the worst of the impact & i was the only one “injured” (i use air quotes bc i have minor injuries, just keep reading)

4. i got the car stopped and at this point i am FACING oncoming traffic and i’m NOSE TO NOSE with the cars behind me. i am certain they will forever be haunted by the look of panic on my face. literally the first thing i did was call my mom and i am violently trembling but somehow i didn’t cry at any point

5. ppl started getting out of their cars to help me and the 3 other cars (southern hospitality) and some kind stranger had to coax me out of the passenger side of my car like a scared animal

6. luckily my mom was in town so she was like 10 minutes away. so i called my gf like heyyyyyyy i’m alive! as soon as i checked my phone my friends were texting me asking if i was okay bc they SAW me standing next to my beloved crashed car. HUMILIATING!!!!

7. i started talking to the passenger of the car that started the accident & he was like going around making sure everyone was okay (he was very nice)

8. when my mom showed up i almost fell to my knees. i literally have the best mom. the first responders show up and the firemen move my car out of the middle of the road bc there was no way in hell i was getting back in there.

9. all the cars get moved to a parking lot nearby and somehow i find myself hugging the lady who hit my car (she was also very nice and had a very cute toddler)

10. guys. i fucking love my car. she is the most perfect little car in the world and i’m so sad. i hope she is repairable💔the tow truck shows up and im like….. but :(((

11. we talk to police n stuff & we leave so i can go home to change and POOP before we go to the hospital

12. i get home, hug and kiss my gf, and poop

13. i get to the e.r with my mom and we get called back almost instantly & girl. that little hospital bed was comfy. they start asking me questions & i could tell they were entertained by my dry delivery of the previous events.

14. they give me muscle relaxers and ibuprofen, and the muscle relaxers IMMEDIATELY kick in bc i’m a lightweight

15. a nurse with a really cool traditional tattoo sleeve takes me back for x rays in a wheelchair and i was embarrassed bc i can walk and i felt like i was being dramatic despite it being hospital protocol

16. the nurse was really cool and he seemed to think my lightly sedated state was entertaining. the funny thing abt this guy is that he saw the car wreck while he was going to work and he was like well i’ll see y’all later. i told him i was the one standing on the side of the road like an idiot

17. they discharge me & say i sprained my neck & have a bruise on my head. bitch i got thrown across a highway and all i got was a sprained neck???? incredible

18. my mom and i went to waffle house and i embarrassed myself so bad trying to order bc i just could not. make words happen. at all. i ate more in one sitting than i do in a week and it was so fucking delicious that i don’t even feel guilty

19. so basically i’m fine but i was warned that the next few days i’ll feel like HELL. good thing i just bought vodka. i’m so glad everyone else is okay💕💕 but i am so sad about my car :(( and i hope the girl that hit me can forgive herself :( i stand by the fact that toyota corollas are the best cars. drive safe y’all

#story time

4 notes · View notes

softxsuki · 2 years

Note

HEYYYY (this totally isnt 🍄 anon) could i please make a request. school has been really stressful, especially with my depression and ive been completing less and less each day and I have been feeling so so guilty abt it. my thoughts happen mostly at night when im trying my best to sleep. though, the voices in my head wont leave me alone:,D Ive been crying sm beacuse of it and the voices in my head keep telling me that I shouldnt be feeling this way, and how I have everything I need etc.

kuroo, being my comfort character, i would like to request a sceneario where he wakes up one night to gn reader crying at abt their depression etc. and where he reassures us abt it all? ik you just did like 2 kuroo fics alrdy so im fine w you putting this request aside and work on other requests before this one:)

tysm in advance:]<333

Kuroo Comforts Reader At Night About Their Depression

Pairing: Kuroo x Gn!Reader

Warnings: mentions of depression, stress, guilt, feeling like giving up

Genre: Comfort

Post-Type: Drabble

Word Count: 990

Summary: In which Kuroo wakes up to you crying at night about your depression and stresses with school so he comforts you c:.

[A/N: HELLOOOO SORRY FOR THE WAIT! I'm insane for keeping my requests open when I have over 100 pending right now aaaaaaahhh, but I'm so glad I can write things like this to help you guys out <3. I've been sick this whole week, coughing my lungs out and sneezing like crazy, so apologies if this sucks. I blame the mucus in my brain (that's gross I'm sorry NBFHEABFK) UHHH YEAH, I'm sorry you're feeling so stressed with your studies and juggling your depression and guilt as well. Things WILL get better so keep pushing forward. Once school is over you'll feel a lot lighter, but for now we can just keep trying. TRUST ME once I graduated it felt like a breath of fresh air. Keep fighting through each day because I promise you that better days await you, and you're not gonna want to miss that! ;) <3 Hope this drabble helpsssss. Also I wasn’t sure if you wanted this to be romantic or platonic SOOOOO if you wanted it to be platonic, then you guys are cuddling and sleeping together as friends 🧍‍♀️ :) okay bye ]

It was late, around 3am as you sat wide awake in bed with Kuroo snoozing beside you. Drops of moonlight seeped into your room from the windows through the gaps in your blinds; it was a serene night, a huge contrast to the utter turmoil you felt within you.

It had been weeks since each day seemed to drag on and on. Small tasks seemed like huge chores as it felt like you were barely making it through each day. You were falling behind in your studies for school and your parents had called you multiple times in concern, which just made you feel guilty. The dark pit in your stomach only grew larger as each day passed, threatening to eat you whole at any second.

You turn away from Kuroo in bed, shuffling away from his arms that were once wrapped tightly around you as he continues to sleep. You curl into yourself as warm, fresh tears make their way down your face as your thoughts completely consume you. Why couldn’t you just get your act together and get everything that you needed to get done, done? Why did you have to feel so stressed, which only made your depression even worse as the fear of disappointing your parents and Kuroo loomed over you? Why couldn’t you just DO IT–study, do everything you needed to do? Why did you have to cry about it now? What was crying doing for you? But each negative thought just made more and more tears fall down your face.

You try to hold your sobs back, but they eventually escape your lips as your body trembles and shakes with each sound. You feel Kuroo stir beside you as he sits up in bed.

“Hey, what's wrong?” He moves towards you, leaning over your form to get a look at your face, but you turn away and stuff your face into your pillow so can’t see you in that state.

“I’m sorry for waking you,” you say between sobs with your head still stuffed in the pillow, hoping he can make out what you’re saying, “I’ll just go to the living room.”

You begin to move, crawling out of bed, but a firm grip around your wrist stops you, “Y/N,” Kuroos calls you, “Tell me what’s going on.”

You hesitate. Did you really want to drag Kuroo into the mess you called your mind? You glance back at him, a desperate look on his face as his expression falls further at your tear stained face. Ultimately, you sigh in defeat and sit back down on the bed as you explain everything to him, from your depression, to the high stress you’ve been feeling lately, and so on.

“I just feel so guilty that I haven’t been able to do anything around the house or find the energy to study for my classes. It’s almost like I get paralyzed the more stressful my classes get and I can’t seem to get anything done. I feel depressed and just tired of everything. I just…want to lie down and give up sometimes,” you confess as guilt once again spreads throughout your body.

Kuroo sits beside you the whole time, his hand that still held your wrist rubs soothing circles into your skin, encouraging you to speak until you were done.

“It’s okay to feel stressed sometimes. I’m sorry for not noticing sooner,” he sighs and looks over toward you with a small smile, “There’s no need to feel guilty about not meeting others expectations of you. You’re doing your best and school can get extremely stressful at times. You’re doing so well fighting your own battles with your depression, your daily tasks, and juggling your studies on top of everything. What’s important is that you’re trying.”

You take a shaky breath in and meet his gaze, “But what if I can’t try anymore?”

If your words shocked Kuroo or scared him, he didn’t let his expression falter as he gives your hand a squeeze, “Well that’s what I’m for. I’ll help you get back on your feet. We’ll take each day at a time, starting with getting you slowly back into your studies. Perhaps we can find a fun way for you to study so you feel more motivated to do it?”

You think it over, imagining yourself laughing and smiling beside Kuroo while studying instead of dreading it, “Yeah, I think that would be nice.”

So together you both come up with fun ways to study; from treating yourself to your favorite things like food, a quick anime break, or music break, to studying outside to expose yourself to new scenery like a park or library instead of the same four walls of your room; Kuroo was intent on helping you ease your stresses from your classes.

“Of course this is just a start as I’m sure your classes aren’t your only problems, but we’ll slowly get through this together, okay? Now wipe those tears and lets get back to bed,” he says while pulling you back onto the bed with him into his arms, “And don’t feel guilty about things like this. Everyone can see how hard you’re trying, so never be afraid to ask for some help and guidance. Your family and I will always be there to help you when you need it.”

“Thank you Tetsuro,” you whisper as your eyes suddenly start to feel heavy.

“Anytime Y/N,” you can fainly hear Kuroo reply as your eyes flutter closed.

It was as if all the negative thoughts and voices in your head vanished as the emotional weight you had been carrying released you, allowing you to relax in Kuroo’s arms long enough to feel at peace. With your eyes closed and Kuroo holding you close to him, you dream of the future where things would be brighter and lighter each day, and it was all thanks to the man beside you.

REQUESTS ARE OPEN :D

Posted: 4/18/2022

53 notes · View notes

gubler-me-up · 3 years

Text

No Need to Rush

Request: can u pls do a spencer x bau fem! reader where she’s dyslexic but also a genius like spencer and like someone maybe another member of the team/unsub makes a comment abt her being stupid. and she gets really upset abt it. then later spencer comforts her and they have really romantic but rough sex. where he’s just like reassuring her of how smart and beautiful she is.

A/N: Thanks for the request, anon! Sorry this took a lil long to complete but I wanted to make sure I wrote this accurately and incorporate everything you wanted into it! Please let me know if you don’t feel as if this representation of dyslexia sits right with you and I will edit it no problem. This fic also concludes smut week (woo!) so I hope you enjoy 💓

Couple: Spencer Reid/Fem!reader

Category: Smut

Content warning: Learning disorder degradation, mentions of violence, rough sex, fingering, penetrative sex, creampie, choking

Word count: 3.2k

-------------

It was the dead of winter in Seattle, Washington and a sniper decided it was the best time to have some target practice. His target practice ended up taking three innocent people’s lives as they were living their day-to-day lives. To top off his killing spree, he wrote handwritten letters to the police department. His letters were rambles about him not stopping until he finds his final target.

Hotch had left Spencer and you to go over the letters to try and figure out any indications of who his final target could be. He had sent JJ and Morgan to interview the victim’s family members to try and see if there were any similar people in their circle. Having you four working diligently on piecing the entire story together could end up saving another person from meeting an early demise.

You loved working with Spencer because the two of you were always up to speed with your thinking process. Both of you analyzed each letter with care, making sure nothing was missed which could possibly be used as a clue in identifying who this person and who their real target is.

You felt as if you were taking too long to go through every letter. There were about 20 of them and his incoherent rambles were giving you a hard time efficiently reading them. You had 10 to go through and Spencer was already finished and writing on the whiteboard clues he found in the letters. You were still on your seventh letter, dissecting and writing down what you thought was important. You couldn’t help feeling bad you were taking a long time.

“I’m sorry,” you said.

Spencer looked back at you with a questionable expression. “For what?”

“For taking forever. I’m taking up time reading these letters when I should be brainstorming with you.”

“Y/N, you’re not slowing down the process. If anything you taking your time can identify some major evidence.”

“Yeah, but you could do it within two minutes.”

“Doesn’t mean anything. Valuable information is valuable information no matter how long it takes you to find it. Besides you’re the smartest person I know, so nothing will get past you.”

“Doesn’t feel like it sometimes.”

“I’m here to remind you it’s all the time. I’ll be here to remind you every day if you ever doubt yourself.”

You smiled as you felt your worries drifting away. You were always self-conscious about having dyslexia. Growing up with it was the hardest part of your early years because people would see your extraordinary capabilities but questioned them whenever you had to read or spending longer than usual completing tasks. It was embarrassing for you. Even in adulthood you felt anxious about letting people know you were dyslexic because you were worried they wouldn’t see you as a genius.

When you let the members of the team know you were dyslexic, they accepted you as you were. It made you feel welcomed and understood for once in the longest while. It was especially nice hearing Spencer say you were a genius regardless of your dyslexia. You felt as if he understood you the most out of everyone because he had a rough time growing up as a child prodigy.

As you continued to read through the letter you were on, something caught your eye. You looked up at the whiteboard to see what Spencer had written. He had written about sunsets, trees and a park. He had concluded it was about Kerry Park in Seattle and speculated the unsub could possibly live near there. What you had read though made you think of a different possibility.

“Kelly Park,” you said aloud.

Spencer turned to you. “Kelly Park?”

Before you could explain your findings, Hotch and detective Royce entered the room. You were happy they did, so you could explain to everyone your theory as to who the unsays actual target is.

“Find any useful information we can put towards finding the unsub?” Hotch asked.

You nodded. “Yes. Kelly Park’s the end goal.”

“Kelly Park? You mean Kerry Park by West Highland,” detective Royce said.

“No, I mean, yes, but the unsub slipped up…uh no, they-uh- replaced Kelly with Kerry because there is a Kelly Park who lives nearby,” you explained.

“Wait, so is it Kerry or Kelly the name of the person who lives nearby Kerry’s Park?” Hotch asked.

“Sorry, sir. It’s Kelly Park who lives nearby Kerry’s Park.”

“How can you even speculate that?” Detective Royce asked.

“Because it’s in this letter. He says, ‘I spend my days looking at Kelly Park and wondering when I’d be brave enough to leave. I don’t think I am but one day I’ll be free,’” you said while holding it up.

Detective Royce took it from your hand to take a closer look. He furrowed his eyebrows as he read. He looked back up at you questionably.

“Maybe he’s dyslexic. Only an idiot would write Kelly instead of Kerry when referring to Kerry Park,” he said.

You clenched your jaw as he said his ignorant statement. You knew the unsub wasn’t dyslexic and you had a clue right infant of you. You snatched the letter away from his hands as you took a deep breath to calm yourself down.

“I’m actually dyslexic myself and I can tell you right now this unsub is not,” you said.

“I should have known from the time you mixed up Kerry and Kelly in your explanation. For a genius you sure don’t talk like one,” he said.

You felt your eyes stinging from the tears which were trying to breakthrough. What he said was familiar to everything you heard from your childhood. It was degrading to hear it when you knew you were on to something. Especially evidence which could potentially save someone.

“Don’t talk to one of my agents with such disrespect, Royce. My team and I would never slander your team, so we expect the same courtesy back,” Hotch said.

“Hotchner, you can’t seriously believe this is a connection,” detective Royce said.

“Who said it couldn’t be?” Spencer said.

“Common sense. He’s trying to mess up his words on purpose to take us off track from what really matters,” detective Royce said.

“Well, I’m not taking that risk. While you stand there with your arro…ignorance, I’ll actually go and do something about this piece of evidence,” you said as you walked by him to exit the room.

You could feel your heart drop with every step you took. Before you called Garcia you took a trip to the washroom. You went into a stall and made sure it was locked before you let your tears escape. You hadn’t felt humiliated for the longest time. The questionable look and harsh comments detective Royce spat at you made you feel sick. You knew you were smart and you knew you were onto evidence to save someone’s life. Yet you were doubted.

You wiped your tears away and took a few deep breaths before exiting the stall. You couldn’t let what he said distract you from finding Kelly Royce. You knew it would affect you for the rest of the day but you would sleep better at night knowing you saved a life. You didn’t want to be crying over two things tonight.

------

You sat on the edge of the hotel room bed. You had finished getting ready for the night and were ready to get into bed to forget about the day. You were happy you were right about Kelly Park and saved her hours before she was scheduled to go into the heart of Seattle for an appointment. Her ex-boyfriend, Michael Richards, had plotted for months on how to make her death look like an accident. Too bad his guilty conscience and ego didn’t mix well and he compulsively wrote down his thoughts.

It bothered you immensely detective Royce still didn’t give you your flowers at the end of everything. You understood not everyone would apologize for their ignorance and you should be used to it by now. However, you couldn’t help but think about it over and over.

You heard a few light knocks on your hotel room door. You looked at the clock. It was 11 p.m. You got up to go peek through the peephole to see who was trying to get your attention this time of night. You looked through the peephole and saw Spencer standing outside. You opened the door. As you opened it he looked at you with a smile but you could see the concern in his eyes.

“What brings you to this part of town so late?” You asked.

“I want to make sure you’re okay before you go to bed. I know how frustrating today was for you and I don’t want you going to bed with doubt on your mind,” he explained.

You stepped aside and gestured him to come inside your hotel room. You were happy he had stopped by. He was always the first one to give you words of encouragement and a reason to put your doubts aside. You closed the door and made your way over to the edge of the bed to sit. You patted the spot next to you for him to sit down. He took the seat next to you, sitting closer to you than expected. You two were shoulder to shoulder and thigh to thigh. It was comforting to you for him to be so close.

“You know, if it wasn’t for you pointing out Kelly Park in his letter, she might not be alive,” he said.

“I know and I’m glad it worked out in the end. I just…”

You trailed off as a wave of doubt overthrew your thought process. You started to think if you had been wrong, if it were just your dyslexia getting the best of you, an innocent life could have been taken. A tear slipped from your right eye. You quickly wiped it away before Spencer saw. He must have seen it escape because he placed his hand on your thigh and squeezed it.

“You have a beautiful mind, Y/N,” he assured you.

“It doesn’t translate properly when I say the wrong words, read slower than average, mix up-”

“And all that doesn’t make a difference to how you save lives every day. If detective Royce wasn’t so prideful he would have thanked you properly for bringing to light what they brushed off,” he said.

You chuckled. “Yeah, he is a prideful idiot.”

“Exactly, so don’t let him or other doubters get to you. I believe in you wholeheartedly and always will. The team does as well, so we’ll always back you up.”

You smiled brightly at him as you felt your deep sadness fade away. He had such a way with words you felt as if you could rule the world solely based on his encouragement. You opened up your arms and embraced him in a hug. He wrapped his arms around the small of your back. He rubbed your back gently as you placed your head comfortably in the crook of his neck.

“I love how you’re always here for me, Spence,” you whispered into his neck.

“I’ll always be here to remind you of your worth and beauty,” he said.

You leaned up from his neck and faced him straight on. Your faces were just an inch away from each other as you lost yourself in his eyes. You softly smiled and found yourself saying things before your brain could process them.

“I could just kiss you right now,” you blurted out.

“Why don’t you?” He asked.

You were now speechless as you weren’t expecting him to be open to the idea. Perhaps he did find more than just your mind to be beautiful. One of his hands moved from your back and found its way to the side of your face. He moved your face closer to his and your lips finally met each other. He gently eased his tongue into your mouth before he dived fully into your mouth.

You placed your hands on his chest. You pulled on his shirt to bring him forward even more to minimize the space between you two. He moved his hands and placed them both on your hip. He brought you onto his lap without breaking your kiss. You glued your hands to his face to prevent him from even considering moving away from you. His hands squeezed before slipping his hands down your pyjama pants.

You didn’t give it a second thought and raised yourself off his hips so he could pull your pants off along with your underwear. He leaned away from your lips as he stared at you with a deep yearning in his eyes. He caressed his hands up your thighs, to your hips and then under your shirt. He pulled your shirt off to reveal your bare breasts.

“I hope you like what you see,” you said.

He smiled. “Of course. You’re beautiful beyond words.”

He then placed your right nipple in his mouth and swirled his tongue around your nipple. You moaned loudly as his tongue made your nipple feel a stimulation you never thought they could feel. He freed your nipple from his mouth as he quietly hushed you.

“We can’t let anyone know where in the same room together,” he whispered.

“I don’t care,” you said as you desperately leaned into him to steal another kiss.

He kissed you back. You held his head in place so he wouldn’t dare move away from you again. You soon felt his thumb circling around your clit. It wasn’t enough to make you stop kissing him but it made you release endless moans into his mouth. You then felt him shove two fingers into you which made you stop kissing him and set your moans free into the atmosphere. He pumped his fingers in and out of you so quickly you couldn’t find the time to catch your breath.

“If you can’t handle my fingers, how do you expect to handle my dick, beautiful?” He asked.

“I…I can,” you stammered.

He smiled. “I haven’t doubted you yet, have I??”

He took his fingers out of you and went to work on undoing his pants. You stared down at his huge bulge as he slipped down his pants and then his underwear. Your eyes widened as you saw his dick. He looked at you to see the amazement in your eyes. He softly chuckled as he grabbed your ass and squeezed it tight as he brought you forward to position you.

“Sit down on it and try not to be too loud,” he demanded.

You did what he asked and lowered yourself onto his dick. The further you went beyond the tip the more your mouth went agape. You could barely even get to the base without feeling as if his dick was already completely inside of you. He did you the favour and forced you all the way down on his dick. You let out a shriek which was cut short by him sticking his two fingers coated in your juices inside your mouth.

“Bounce on it and don’t make a sound. Understand?” He asked.

He nodded your head ‘yes’ for you and you started bouncing on his dick. You could feel your legs quaking as you engulfed his dick in and out of your repeatedly. Once you established a rhythm, you rolled your eyes to the back of your head and enjoyed every inch of his dick stretching your walls.

“How about we pick up the pace?” He asked.

Your eyes shot open as he bucked his hips up and disrupted your rhythm with his new set motion. You moaned heavily around his fingers as his dick kept ramming into you with no mercy. He used his other hand and squeezed your left breast. He licked your breasts before gently biting your nipple.

“Fuck,” you moaned.

“I only ever treat extraordinary women like this,” he said.

“Really?” You moaned.

He lifted you off his dick and laid you on the bed. He gently wrapped his large hands around your throat as he positioned himself on top of you. You could feel your adrenaline pumping as he lowered his face down to yours and kissed you softly on your lips before he stared into your eyes.

“You’re the only extraordinary woman I know,” he said.

“Fuck me like an extraordinary woman,” you said.

He obliged and rammed his dick into you with urgency. You moaned repeatedly as you took in every inch of his dick inside of you. He kissed along your jawline before reaching your ear.

“Who gets fucked like this?” He asked.

“Extraordinary women,” you whimpered.

“And what are you?” He asked.

“An extraordinary woman,” you whimpered.

As he continued to fuck some sense into you, he whispered nothing but the sweetest things in your ear. He called you beautiful, brilliant, amazing and his favourite, extraordinary. It felt nice hearing those things being repeated over and over in your ear especially by him. His dick definitely enforced the message as with every word he said to you, his motion would intensify. You wrapped your legs around him as he continued to fuck you.

“Where do you want me to cum, beautiful?” He asked.

“Inside of me,” you moaned.

He tightened the grip around your neck. “Louder.”

“Inside of me,” you shrieked.

“Look at me while I cum inside of you,” he demanded.

He grabbed your face to keep you still so your eyes were focused on him the whole time. He bit his bottom lip as he stared at your worn-out expression as he fucked you. He slowly stopped going at his rapid pace and soon stopped. You felt his cum fill your insides and you let out a soft moan at the feeling.

He let go of your neck and eased up from on top of you. You felt him stick two fingers in you and he pulled them out quickly. He placed his cum covered fingers on your lips. You opened your mouth and licked the cum dripping off his fingers.

“I don’t ever want you to doubt yourself again. You’re fucking amazing,” he said.

You leaned up on your elbows and smiled. “You are too.”

“Since I can’t stay in your room for the night without raising suspicions in the morning, how about we do something when we get back home and you can stay the night at my place? You know, for extra reassurance,” he said with a smile.

You giggled. “I’d love that.”

He leaned into you and gave you another big kiss on the lips. As he parted from your lips he stared at you with softer eyes from before and brushed your hair back.

“Maybe I’ll stay for a few more minutes. You like cuddles?” He asked.

“I love them,” you said.

He chuckled. “Great because I have a deep desire to cuddle you and make you know you’re treasured.”

You could have cried when he said that. Instead you wrapped your arms around his neck and pecked him on the lips. It wasn’t the best time to cry. You wanted to cherish the moment as a positive part of the day.

“Thank you, Spence. You’re extraordinary.”

“I guess that makes us a perfect match.”

“It sure does.”

—–

Tagged: @shadyladyperfection, @slutforthegubes, @pinkdiamond1016, @spencerreidsthings, @itsmyblogandillreblogifiwantto, @slutforsr @bxtchboy69, @fallinallinmendes

MASTERLIST

1K notes · View notes

ahjustroza · 3 years

Note

I saw a hc post abt how Last Legacy love interests react to MC actually going back to Earth,so can I ask some hcs abt this one? I'm curious of what you come up with!!

I actually made the same request to @lucigucci !!

For this ask, I had to play the entire game once again because I couldn't come up with anything. Hope you'll like it!

MC Going Back to Earth Headcanon

Warning: Sad feelings and pain...

Anisa

Before giving in to her emotions she will make sure to not miss anything important for your return to Earth

She'll check with important magical necessaries for the portal

Check if you have everything you would possibly need

If you ate well

Will check twice everything she prepared for you to take with you to remember her

She will also give you the Orlando postcard

It is important to her but also you two shared many memories together talking about Earth looking at the postcard

She knows when you visit Orlando you will remember her

After she is done with everything

The realization of you actually leaving her will hit her HARD

She knew you for only months but fell for you in a way with no return

You became her breath

The meaning, the cause she wanted to live further

The center of her life

Her priority

Her peace

Her shelter, and safe place

If only she could stay in your arms for a little longer...

If only she could find a way to see you again

The smell your scent while she buried her nose to your neck

To your hair...

She misses you always

Even for a couple of minutes without you within her eyesight makes her feel troubled

She misses you to death before even you leave her...

She will use all her strength to not cry in front of you

But the moment you hugged her and kissed her the last time she broke

She never struggled like this

Never felt hurt like this

The devs mentioned that each character will have multiple endings, so I headcanon two different happy endings in this situation

One is being Anisa letting you go while she stays in Astraea

She knows that she might not be able to fit in

You are people of two different worlds

Quite literally

And it shows

Anisa however will never love again after you

She will refuse every potential partner both in her romantic life or in her bed

She will confess her feelings for you and give you her hair ribbon as well as the most painfully mesmerizing kiss...

The other ending being Anisa leaving Astraea with you.

She is half-human and can tell people that her marks on her face are tattoos on Earth

She will see this as an opportunity to start a new life

Without the guilt of who her parents are and what they have done

Without the danger of magical monsters or assassins tracking her all around

She is smart, a quick learner, and curious about Earth

With your support, she can get used to life on Earth and get a job

I am thirsty for Anisa as a workout or martial art trainer

But I can also see her going to college and finish it quicker than expected to work in a school

Counselor Anisa

You two will travel the world together

No matter the lifestyle you live Anisa is happy

She doesn't need a lot of money

All she needs is you

Also another surprise, she doesn't miss Astraea one bit

You are what she calls home now.

Sage

I am a Sage hoe myself but I can't see him leave Astraea with you

He can't fit in to Earth

He has to be free and living on Earth means he has to follow so many rules that he struggles to understand

Also Sage will absolutely refuse to leave Tulsi behind

There are only two people he actually cares about in this world

You and Tulsi

You two are his family and home

He is a family guy

And oh my god does he want to make his family larger secretly

Sage is a character that struggles with emotional confessions

He is also a good liar

So even tho he wants a future with you

If you want children, raise your children together (adopted/surrogacy/biological/a found family...)

Finally settling down and actually live in a home

Sage will experience the feeling of home with you the first time

He never felt safer and not worried about being vulnerable to someone

Having family dinners, family meetings with auntie Tulsi...

Celebrating anniversaries

Getting yourselves in trouble and moving to a different town

Even though he would fight the gods themselves to have this future with you, he will not tell you to stay

He will not say anything at all

He'll watch you and make sure to prepare everything for your return

And to make sure of your security during the process

You will look into his eyes each passing hour, hoping him to say something

Anything

But he will not

He'll only give you his signature soft half-smile with tired eyes

He will drink the entire day before your depart

Spend the whole night with you

Watch you sleep

Memorize your face

Your body

Will listen to your breathing

He will take everything he can get to never forget you

Also, cry too

Silently

Without you noticing

Tears will fall down to the pillow one by one

He wants to scream and tell you to stay but he can't force you to do anything you don't want

Any word out of his mouth might make you change your mind and do the opposite of what you want to do

You have a family too and you have to see them

A life you have to return to...

So if you don't say that you want to stay he will stay silent forever

If you choose to leave, do give him something to remind him of you

A necklace? Your laser pointer? Your foam sword?

He will carry whatever you give him with him

Always

Until the day he dies

Let's say you gave him a necklace, anyone who knew you will feel the pain in Sage when they see him still wearing the necklace after all those years...

He will never love again. It was a one-time thing.

He will not open up to anyone

He will not let anyone see the real Sage the way you did

He might have bed partners but it is not emotional

He is in pain and will either drink or throw himself somewhere to spend the night without thinking anything

But that can only happen if he is too drunk to remember what happened the night before

If you choose to stay, he will feel relieved

Guilty too but mostly relieved

He will build the future he desires with you

But will also look for ways to make you visit Earth and come back

Felix

I don't think Felix can fit in the Earth either

He grew up as the Arcmage's son and spent all his life studying magic

He can't live in a world where magic doesn't exist

He can't live a lifestyle where he will have to learn everything anew

I just think he is too sensitive for our world.

But unlike Sage and Anisa, Felix will ask you to stay

He'll ask you to stay and live a crazy but full of love life with him

He'll promise to take care of you since he is filthy rich

Then admit his fears of losing another lover

If you decide to leave he will feel betrayed and abandoned at first

He'll cry, then disappear for a while, then appear and tell you that you gave him a lot of hope

And disappear once again

He'll get drunk and then cry loudly too...

After Rime, you taught him how to love again

You made him feel safe and supported

Accepted for who he is...

You taught him how to properly love someone

No toxicity

No lies

No rivalry

He only wants to sleep in a bed in your arms around him not wake up for years

The idea of you leaving him hurts like someone stabs a dagger into his heart

He'll start to believe that this is his cruel destiny

To be the one stays while the other leave

He wants to follow you but he knows he can't live with you on Earth

He couldn't even fit in his own house yet...

Once he cooled down he'll admit how important your life back at home to you

And how it is his fault to steal that life away from you by bringing you to Astraea

He will open the portal for you himself

He is not trusting anyone else for this work

Before you leave he will tell you that he loves you and promise to never forget you

Here comes the pain

But he might fall in love again after you

You will always have a different place in his heart and in his memories though!

Felix did try to bring someone he fell for back from death then fall in love with someone else

I just think he will be more flexible with what life brings in front of him

And get even more depressed with time...

If you accept his offer and choose to stay his eyes will see nothing but you from that day and forward

You are officially his spouse now, no ceremony necessary

You will go on the vacation you both need and deserve then get a house to live together

You two will be the scary power couple

People will talk about you two as "the small necromancer and his spouse- yes the spouse. They are the one that fought the Lord of Shadows and the undead Rime. I also heard they got a relic the moment they stepped on Astraea- I KNOW it is crazy..."

Felix will share everything he owns with you, even his thoughts

He is so open to you that he knows you understand him the best

#fictif felix #fictif anisa #fictif sage #fictif last legacy #fictif games #sage last legacy #sage lesath #sage headcanons #felix escellun #last legacy felix #anisa anka #anisa last legacy #anisa headcanons #felix headcanons #last legacy headcanons #some writing

174 notes · View notes

bubsdolan · 3 years

Note

hi angel, so i dont want to bother you bc im dure that you are writing s lot rn but i just wsnted to send this concept to u. Gray has been adking his girl to stay over a lot but she’s always saying no and giving him excuses until he confronts her abt it and she confesses how she had trouble sleeping and gray just reassures her that it will b fine and he helps her have a good night sleep<3 sorry if this is dumb, love you.

“i best head home, it’s getting dark out,” you cut through the comfortable slience with a sentence grayson will never get used to hearing you say. he hates ‘goodnight’, ‘i have to head home’, ‘ill see you tomorrow’. he wants nothing more than to take you up to bed and wrap you protectively in arms so he can fall asleep to the sound of your heartbeat- happy and content.

it appears every time he asked you to stay over, not ready to end the night or part from you, you always made up some poor excuse that left him heartbroken and often surviving on approximately 3 hours of sleep a night. you loved to use the excuse that you had work early in the morning, even on your days off it was your number one, and being the gentleman he is, he never questions it. you leave before he gets the chance to. if not work, it’s you forgot your night wear, tooth brush and essentials, or you simply brush it off and say “maybe another time”. another time never came.

grayson spent his time laying awake in an empty bed and overthinking why you refused to stay over. were you not as committed to the relationship as he was? did you feel uncomfortable spending the night alone with him? did you snore? grayson always blamed himself for not making you feel welcome enough in his home, but he was unaware that your inability to stay over, had absolutely nothing to do with him.

“baby-“ grayson begins to plead with you, like he always did whenever you got up to leave. pulling gently at your wrist to prevent you from picking up your keys and abandoning him for more hours then he can bare to be apart. sure it was early days in your relationship, and grayson was known as the soulmate connoisseur, but with you it felt different. you were different.

“i’ll be back before you know it,” you send grayson a guilty smile, leaning over his body to kiss his tender lips that you’re now addicted to and found yourself drowning in whenever you got the chance. you hated leaving him as much as he did, you longed for the day you could get over your bad sleeping habits and bask in the safety and comfort of your boyfriend. tangled together beneath the sheets in a world of your own.

you’re about to head for the door, ready to make the dreadful lonely drive home, before grayson’s tone and harsh words stop you in your tracks. a frown to appear and a pit bubbling in your stomach that you hated the feeling of.

“y/n, if you don’t want to sleep in a bed with me, just tell me. i get it, you aren’t as into me as i am you- but fuck, please stop giving me shitty excuses.”

grayson huffed, turning his back towards you in order to head to his bedroom and try and cool down. he never meant to raise his voice, or for his words to come as harsh as they seemed, but he was quite frankly fed up. he never had to work this hard in any relationship before, and yes he was patient but you were making it difficult for progression.

“i have nightmares,” you blurt out, tears welling in your eyes as you finally admitted to something out loud in front of grayson, that you wished to keep quite for as long as you could. you needed him to trust you, to know you love him as much as he did- if not more. you needed him to know it wasn’t him, it was you and your own self doubt and you weren’t here to mess around and play with his emotions.

grayson says nothing, turning back sit on the couch and wait for you to continue. knowing in this moment you needed to do the talking more than he did. he patted the spot next to him, only for him to pull you into his lap when you get close enough and holding you tight. scared you would disappear if he didn’t.

“ever since i was little, i-ive had trouble sleeping. i toss and turn all night, i wake up every hour or so, and i have nightmares. bad- bad nightmares that sometimes causes me to wake up screaming, crying and sweating. it seems to have only got worse with age.”

grayson brings one hand up from your waist that was keeping you securely on his lap, and rubs it across the skin of the back of your neck. his own way of comforting you and telling you he understands what you’re telling him. he offers you a warm smile, eyes burning into yours deeply that you feel all your fears banish.

“it’s not you. i wish nothing more than to sleep over, to wake up next to you and your face be the first thing i see when i open my eyes. but im scared, i don’t want to spoil your sleep and ruin the night for you.” your voice cracks, eyes avoiding his gaze as you felt even more embarrassed then you did before. “im sorry i didn’t tell you sooner. i didn’t want you to ju-.”

“sweetheart,” grayson pulls your body deeper into his chest, needing to have you as close to him as possible. touch being his love language that he was going to use to his advantage to show you how much you mean to him.

“you don’t have to ashamed to hide that from me. im so fucking sorry you gotta suffer like that, but s’what im here for,” grayson brush’s the hair from your eyes and tucking it behind your ear. he’s turing your face towards him as he makes sure you can witness the sincerity in his eyes.

“why don’t we try it for one night. me, you in my our bed. i can’t promise it’ll be the best sleep you’ve ever had, but i can damn near try to make it as perfect for you as i can. i’ll protect you angel, always.”

you nod your head agreeing to finally spending the night, then you kiss him. a passionate, sensual kiss that has you pouring every ounce of emotion into it. the gratitude you had for him was like no other. you knew you never should have doubted him, you should have put your faith in him sooner and spent the night in his embrace that you had deprived yourself from for so long.

carrying you up to the bedroom, bridal style, grayson makes sure you’re nothing short of comfortable. providing you with his clothes to sleep in, helping you do your skin care routine that you do every night and helping to calm your nerves when the lights turned off and you were left in darkness and a void of slience.

grayson instantly brought you into his arms. your head on his chest as he squeeze your body as close to him as humanly possible. pressing kisses into your hair as he whispers words of reassurance- ‘you’re ok, baby’, ‘im right here’, ‘don’t be afraid to wake me up anytime, ok, we do this together.’

after all these years of staggered and broken sleep, sleeping in grayson’s arms would finally be the cure you needed for peace. in his bed, wrapped in his scent, his arms and the beat of his heart, was everything you neeeded to have the best night sleep you had in years.

169 notes · View notes

steponmepinkjun · 3 years

Note

I NEVER FINISHED MY STORY OMG. ok so i left off at being too proud to tell my friend she was right and kpop fucked hard. the difference between u and me is that i’m too good of a liar. too good. i kept up the “i hate kpop it’s cringe” facade for ALMOST TWO WHOLE YEARS, I SHIT YOU NOT. why? bc my dumb ass, extra ass, dramatic ass self thought “ok if i’m gonna have to deal with the embarrassment of admitting i’m wrong, i better do it in such an extra ass way it’ll knock ur socks off so hard that YOULL be the one embarrassed not me.” the original plan was to learn the entire choreography to bts dope, bc it’s the song that she told me to listen to and inevitably the song that got me into them, but later switched to bts fire bc i saw too many of those “choreo matches w any song” videos, and then her birthday party came up. and here’s the real kicker. her birthday is April Motherfuckin Fools. so it would be So Perfect for me to reveal my kpopism as a birthday present And a april fools prank in one. so i was Set on the Reveal being on april 1st, but the day rolls around and god that choreo is so fucking hard and i am Not a dancer. never have been. so i abandon that and go ykno what… i’ll do it Next Year. BC MY BITCHASS WAS LIKE NO THE MOMENT IS TOO PERFECT TO DO IT ON A NORMAL ASS DAY ITS GONNA BE ON APRIL FOOLS ON HER GODDAMN BIRTHDAY OR NOT AT ALL. a year rolls by, i’ve told most of our friends except her and they’re all in on it, i’d made so many subtle kpop references to her without her realising they were fully intentional and had too many scares where she almost figured me out but i lied my way out of it, and i’d given up on showing off with choreography bc i couldn’t make that shit look good. i’m not a dancer. i am, however, a rapper, and a damn good one, so i inhaled the agust d mixtape and decided i’d just rap the eminem of kpop’s anthem at her face. in korean. and change the lyrics at the end (if u haven’t listened to agust d, the bridge repeats “i’m sorry” a lot) to “i’m sorry i kept this from u for so long” and “i’m sorry i actually ult got7 not bts” (this was like the april after skz debuted ok i was holding onto got7 for dear life knowing full well skz we’re going to convert me smh) and the best part? she never saw it coming. her official present was a cd with a bunch of kpop on it but she thought it was just a personalised mixtape for her so i told her to play the first song out loud and she knew the song Instantly. it has a long intro so she was like “i guess u did listen when i recommended u this song!! i knew you’d like it since u like rap so much!!” and then i started rapping and i shit u not. she started SCREAMING. like the initial reaction was her jaw dropping and then instinctively covering her mouth but when i kept going and she realised i wasn’t fucking around she just fucking screamed like a banshee. at the end during the sorry bit i threw off my jacket to reveal a got7 shirt on the inside and she fell off her chair and started rolling around on the floor. needless to say it was every bit as satisfying as i thought it’d be LMAOOOO afterwards her ass was like “I CANT BELIEVE U HID THIS FROM ME FOR OVER A YEAR” and when i tried to explain my ego couldn’t take the “i told u so” she was like “you know i wouldn’t have made fun of you for it right? i would just be glad you’re not hating on my boys anymore” so basically i’m a big dramatic fool and she was always too good for me.

don’t mind the weird spaces here my ipad is being all fucky wucky w me rn. damn sad to hear ur sideblog experience didn’t go so well, i’d have shown u the cool side of the fandom if i knew 😤😤 leading u thru the cursed halls of kpop stan tumblr like a sketchy tour guide that’s actually 3 small raccoons stacked on top of each other like a trench coat, like “over here we have the fanfic writers that honestly need to publish a book, over here we have the gif makers that are responsible for my entire camera roll, if we take a quick swerve past the death threat anons and the twt fanwar screenshots - mind ur feet bub the 14 year olds were tryna make a grab for ur ankles - ah here’s the holy grail of shitposts, you might be here for hours, to the right we have the weird aussie side of the fandom that projects our childhoods onto chanlix but also all the members as we decide what their life in australia would’ve been like, and down there is a secret trapdoor to the blogs w endless random headcanons that will make you laugh, cry or blush depending on if the author woke up and decided to choose violence today. enjoy your Stay!” but then again i’m not so active on tumblr anymore (ngl you’ve become the highlight of my tumblr experience these days, interaction wise,) so maybe all my Local Hotspots are inactive now. i know a bunch of them are, it’s sad. “i don’t fw stan twitter for the same reason i don’t hang out in meth dens” oop. guess i’m a meth addict. no but i get u i rly do, it’s a hellhole out there, but the fact that things get shared and spread a lot easier than on tumblr and how short most things have to be (therefor keeping up w my adhd attention span without having to resort to the mental torture that is tiktok, with the added bonus of not always needing headphones.) that i just. couldn’t leave if i tried. maybe i should try being active on tumblr again but it’s a dying site in comparison.

“their music doesn’t consistently hit for me as much as skz” i’m sorry we can’t be friends anymore. what. what. you don’t dramama ramama ramama hey? you don’t feel a little jealousyyyyyy, naega anin? you don’t shoot out, shoot out, shoot out, or aremdaeun love killa love killa? you can’t be your hero du du du du du du du du du dududu? u disappoint me. literally like everyone i know who likes skz music likes mx music like it’s a rite of Passage. they’re kindred spirits, monsta x music is like skz’s music’s cool but mildly heterosexual older brother. neither of them know what a bad song is it runs in the family. and both their music runs in my VEINS. whenever i describe my music taste they’re always the first two that come to mind, skz being my number 1 bc they are my best boys but mx bc of the Flavour. pls listen to the entire the code album then get back to me 😤🙌 ok but fr ur so right they are 7 of the finest men i ever seen (yes i say 7 bc i’m including wonho cause he deserved better and i’ll die on my ot7 bullshit.) like don’t get me started on them either LOL i LITERALLY downloaded that one insta video of changkyun working out his back n arm muscles w his tattoo showing bc i needed that shit saved for Science. they could do Anything w me like frfr. yes vixx is the bdsm contract group i’m telling ya they wildin. or at least they were. it’s been years since their last comeback idk what they’re doing anymore tbh. and yeah that makes sense, savouring the hyperfixation i feel it, but also i’m so attached to skz that i never let it die. like i hyperfixate on other things and other groups but i will Always go back to skz cause they’re my homeboys. hell, they’re my home. being a predebut stay i’ve spent more time w skz than most of my actual family members at this point. but that’s just me you do u boo xx just know that if ur anything like me ur never letting go once skz it’s been my longest lasting fixation cause they hit like Nothing Else Do. ik i’ve already said that but i cannot stress it enough. they’re really special. i’m gonna stop here before i get all sappy and emotional bc i really love those boys so fucking much and i don’t drop the L bomb often. SIDE NOTE I WOULD LIKE TO SEE UR LIST OF GROUPS RANKED BY THORSt. i need to judge ur Taste. and omg cat&dog is such a guilty pleasure song bc the lyrics make me cringe so much bc while pet play can be fun they be doing it in more of an “i’m an innocent soft dogboy uwu” kinda way that just Does Not Sit Right with me. it comes back to the objectifying of asians that asians themselves don’t help in industries like these and maybe i’m looking too far into it when rly it is just wholesome n cute or maybe they are into some pet play shit idk idc i will bop to the song regardless but i will not acknowledge the lyrics nope.

YOURE RIGHT THO SKZ’S OPENNESS IS IN FACT, A BIG DEAL, i’ll grab them for u if u want but i found these twt threads of skz supporting the lgbt community and i just felt a special kind of happiness man like sure the delusional part of me likes going “haha they’re gay” bc my brain likes to imagine them as my polycule of mlm boyfriends bc sometimes thats what gives me the serotonin to get me thru the day ok don’t judge but also bc it’s nice knowing that yes i’ll never know them personally, but at least i can support them knowing they’d respect my gender identity and my pronouns, they’d respect who i choose to love, and that’s already more than the general public can say so shit, it is special! it’s special that they don’t treat being cishet like the norm - they constantly remove gender from their songs and speech entirely, they don’t assume all stays are female anymore, we don’t talk abt the babygirls incident cause we got babystays in the end outta that ok, and it’s just. so refreshing and important to me bc i can’t get that anywhere else!! like my semi ults are the boyz and while i love them very much and there’s no way all 11 of them are straight i refuse, i do get just a little bit sad whenever they she/her their fandom by default and call them their girlfriends n shit even tho i do still identify as a girl, i’m also genderfluid/nonbinary/transmasc, and i have a very love/hate relationship w my womanhood and rarely use she/her pronouns, cause it’s like, do you not see me? see us? the ones who aren’t cishet women? i mean i know kevin does bc he congratulated a fan who came out as nb but it’s just not the same as the openness we get w skz. like how do i trust cishets i could be supporting them as a queer person when in reality they’d call me a slur. what would i know, behind the screen? so it’s so good that skz go the extra mile to make it a safe space for everyone. this is already long enough i will reply to the second half of that ask in another message… tomorrow cause it’s 1am and i’m tired gn -felix bi anon

I'mma have to start putting these under a readmore so that i don't absolutely make everything who is still following me for some reason go totally fucking insane 😂

NDJDHWJJAHFNAKBSJSBFBHHDBDNAJD YOU HAVE NO IDEA THE FACES I WAS MAKING READING THIS, I WAS FUCKING CACKLING AND GASPING EVERY OTHER SENTENCE SO HARD THAT I SCARED THE CATS NDJWHSHSB the fact that you went "oh you want me to get into kpop? Give me a hot minute, and I'll give you a whole ass private concert for free" biduehsjdbd biiiiiiiiiiitch you're a fucking ICON, I stg I could NEVER 😂 (and not just because I couldn't find a tune if you gave me a printed set of Google maps directions and that I embody the steriotype that white people can't dance, like my sister kept sensing me tiktoks of the whole "dance like a white girl" trend going lmfao look it's you and eventually I was like "sis please this trend has me feeling like being white is a disability and these mothafuckers are being ableist 😭 also I could NEVER be that on beat so yall ain't even doin it right 😭😭😭😭"). Tbh if I told one of my friends (lol what friends, i got jokes) to get into Skz and they showed up at my bday and performed the entirety of I Got It I would simply shower them in money and go "aight everyone else go home, you are no longer needed, you are being laid off, your position has been eliminated, we're downsizing, the company is moving up and you're moving out, you are not qualified for this role any longer, best of luck with future endeavors" 😊

I think part of the reason I can't deal w Twitter is the exact reason I refuse to leave tumblr, in that I've been on tumblr since 2006 and twt since 2008, and tumblr literally has not changed at all, not even a little, whereas going from the early days of twt where there were no corporate sponsorships or ads and you had to manually copy and paste someone's tweet and @ them to retweet it, to how it is now, like 90% ads and showing me shit from the timelines of people I don't even fuckin follow n whatnot, it's just not enjoyable. Idk how anyone finds anything on twt, it confuses and frustrates me because I am old and have not adapted well to technology changing 😂 But arguably, the skz fanbase doesn't want me on skztwt anyways so like it works for both of us lmfaooo. I am old and cringey, and also still think of twt as stream of consciousness whereas tumblr is your teenage bedroom where you can decorate the walls with anything that interests you. I do really love the nonsensical kpoptwt shitposts tho fhshsbdjjss like it is a very specific flavor of mental instability that I enjoy immensely 😂 OH and also I initially misread part of that and thought you were saying you actually irl do meth and I was like 😳 WHAT DO I SAY TO THAT. HOW DO I HANDLE THIS. Like how do I express like "I wasn't being judgy of people who use substances cause I've been there but I was just being insensitive 😳" And then went back and reread it and was like WHEW, IM JUST AN ILLITERATE FOOL 😂😂😂😂 ejeywhdhrhjwbfbdjshdhdhd I spent like an hour bwign like "IS THE REASON WE GET ALONG BECAUSE THEY'RE ON METH???? WHAT DO I DO WITH THIS INFORMATION??????" hrhehshe I am literally a fuckin idiot it's fine

It's not that I don't fw them, it's more like... Okay so like there is no situation in which I am going to skip a skz song if it comes on shuffle. You will not ever catch me NOT in the mood to listen to Sunshine, if God's Menu comes on we are THROWIN the meager amount of booty meat I got hither and thither, I could be in the happiest mood of my life but if Ex comes on I will stop to SOB. And I'm not like that with most music, so mx just falls into the category of "there is a time and place." Idk why but it just doesn't forcibly grab hold of my heart and ass the way skz always does. I really don't WANT my skz fixation to ever end, but I know that eventually it'll stop giving me dopamine bevause my brain is my worst fucking enemy 🙃 like my arcana fixation is to date the longest running hyperfixation I've ever had, going on almost three years, and I used to not be able to spend every single second of every day thinking about Asra, but now... I just feel nothing when I look at arcana stuff. As you can probz tell by the fact that I hardly post arcana anymore 😂 So I know that eventually all my happiness will end, it always does, I can never stay just as obsessed with something as I was for long. I CANT SHARE THE LIST BECAUSE I DONT *HAVE* TASTE YET 😭 I'm basically just compiling a list of any group someone tells me I should look into, ranked by how strong the kitty purred upon googling pics of them 😂 My mom read my ass to FILTH over txt lmfao she was like "they're not that adorable. Maybe your standard for adorableness has gone down with You Know Who still on hiatus 🤔" bfjwhdhd like MOMMAAAAA THE LIBRARY IS CLOSED 😂 she attacks me any time I even hint at stanning other groups, she is a skz purist and stans skz only, unofficial Momma Stay of All Stays keeping me in check lmfao.

I feel like skz really do follow thru on their promise that they're a safe space for stays, it's nice to see that they hold space for anyone and everyone in their fanbase and do it in a really simple and elegant way, I feel. Like they never make it seem like "okay here are the fans and here are the token weirdos that were only recognizing to make a buck off of them" the way a lot of artists make it feel like 😑 like they don't go out of their way to act like it's some revolutionary act to do the bare minimum of not shitting on certain parts of the fandom, if that makes sense. They feel very "yeah, of course we love all our stays, this is a welcoming space for literally anyone, that's how it should be, that should be normal," instead of like "Hi fans we love you 😊 and special shoutout to you ell gee bee tee folk, make sure to buy my rainbow merch after the show!!!" you know? Like, they're the friends who would never make you feel weird or different for some shit, the friends that take the attention off you if something they know ur sensitive about comes up, instead of weirdly snapping at whoever brought the unfomfy thing up which ruins the mood and makes you feel tiwce as bad, yk? They just give off this vibe that they, and the space they create with their music, is just a genuine and chill place to be and hang out and relax and bond. I feel like they'd be the friend group that is so goofy and sweet and silly and accepting and lovely and always makes you feel loved and excited to be alive 🥺 They are all good noodles 🥺🥺🥺

#felix-bi-anon #asksteppie

5 notes · View notes

xelles-archive · 3 years

Note

3, 5, 7, 12, 15 for the s/i asks ^^ pick whoever you want

hi ari! ty for stopping by ^w^ i promise i'll work on the asks y'all sent supposedly meant for f/ovember rhfhfifj

i'm gonna use kryxelle baden because they're the most i have worked on, hehe. i'm also gonna put this under a read more bc i got carried away whoops.

3. Does your s/i have a full backstory yet? Or is it still in the works? If it's done can we see it?

yup, it's technically completed now! though i don't really have a story or an outline lol. but it basically goes like this-

they were abandoned by their biological parents (they left them somewhere near shore)

they were discovered and soon adopted by a married couple (who happened to be both bakers)

they have an extremely supportive adoptive sister named samantha (i haven't drawn her yet but i have a tag for her!)

they grew up to be a baker (wow how susprising)

they were around their late 20s when they met jose

they met jose late at night near the bar he was drinking in

"how about you stay at my place for the night?"

"no."

the bastard was drunk, don't be surprised.

since they weren't interested in the man, they instead tried to hook up their sister with him.

... that did not work out so well.

they rampaged to jose's office and slapped him LMAO.

a few days later, they found out they were adopted by accidentally eavesdropping on their parents' heated conversation.

"they're the reason why our REAL daughter got upset!" (dad)

"but that doesn't mean they're not a part of our family!" (mom)

wowowow dramatic scene, they ran away crying and stayed on the beach for a while.

oh, what, tall lanky man to save the day?

they were cold towards him at first, but eventually warmed up as they started to hang out more.

the beach was like, a place they can run to.

don't worry, their parents alongside their sister apologized to them.

several months has passed and they eventually gathered up the courage to confess to jose.

*insert kissing scene*

over the next day, they were struck with the news that jose had a fiancée (the queen's daughter).

now this is where the song 'love story' starts to apply. :]

"since when?"

"just yesterday!"

jose tried to explain to them that it was a forced marriage arranged by his father but they wouldn't budge.

~dramatic running away commences~

jose hasn't seen them for a long time, and the day of the wedding came.

he was fidgeting as the marriage officiant was saying his thing.

he caught a glance of kryxelle at the very back, a disappointed look plastered over their face.

they walked away without saying anything, and jose had the biggest urge to run after them.

and he did.

his father was angry lol.

he was able to catch up with them.

"marry me, kryxelle."

"what?"

"it's you whom i love."

yay, they shared another kiss in front of other villagers! :D

jose's father was stomping his way towards them, they were expecting him to be angry but he cried instead.

he felt guilty for trying to lure them away from jose.

they finally got married near the shore.

a few years has passed, and jose's father suddenly disappeared without a trace.

it was a drastic time for both jose and kryxelle.

there were bad rumors spreading around, itching at jose's head. he started drinking more than usual.

fortunately kryxelle was there to help him.

soon, jose had to leave to look for his father.

though, before he left, he and kryxelle did some *cough* funky business. 😳

that's where he ended up in the manor for nearly ten years.

he came back to their house with louis being the very first to open the door to him.

he didn't know about louis being his son yet, and so he got tricked that kryxelle and their family immigrated (that boy lmao).

his worry was washed away as soon as he saw kryxelle coming out of the kitchen.

*insert another kissing scene*

turns out jose brought some comrades along (naib, kevin (fuck you kevin), william, and murro).

both jose and louis were shocked when kryxelle explained their relation.

and now they're all together again. happy family. :)

5. Do you speak about your s/i in first or third person?

both! but i mostly speak in first person because i feel more "connected" so to say.

7. Give us 3 random facts abt your s/i!

they have motion sickness (this explains why they don't go on jose's ship a lot)

they get flustered very easily, especially in public (which is why you shouldn't leave them with a drunk jose)

if they were able to arrive in the manor like jose did, they would've been most likely to be called the "Baker" (though i don't really know what their ability would be).

12. Can we see a picture of your s/i?

yah! i drew this in 15 mins lol, don't actually use it as reference-

15. Does your s/i interact with any other self shippers s/i's?

unfortunately no. D: i'm too much of a coward to ask fellow idv shippers, but god i wish. ;w;

s/i ask meme

#since i'll probably never be able to write out me and jose's backstory y'all can have this ;-;#i actually haven't drawn them in a while so ty for giving me the chance to do so again hehe #most of my s/i's back stories are developed in the bathroom lol #i could stay there for an hour just thinking of scenarios between me and my f/o's #xelle.answered #ari tag 💕#self ship ask game #s/i: kryxelle baden

3 notes · View notes

sunsetsover · 4 years

Note

i'm so sorry about the election result, it's pure shite :( for headcanons/fics, god PLS do either mama highway coming back oR callum and lexi x

don’t be sorry, it’s not your fault :-( it’s david cameron’s fault. he literally started this whole shit storm and now he’s pissed off somewhere meanwhile the rest of the country is fucked lmao danny dyer was RIGHT

i would love to talk abt mama highway tbh but i feel like in order to do the subject justice i’d have to really sit down and go back to see what callum/stuart/j*nno have said abt her in the past bc i remember little bits (like didn’t callum talk abt getting a valentine’s card from her last year? but then stuart told whitney that they hadn’t spoken to her in years? so did they retcon that out? idk i have Questions) but i probably don’t remember loads so maybe i’ll come back to her another time and do a proper post abt it. but i do really hope she comes into the picture at some point in the future bc i think it would provide some really good conflict for callum (like just imagine the undeniable anger he’d feel towards her for leaving him with j*nno vs his desire to have a mum and some semblance of his own family... trying to figure out if he wants her around and if can forgive her or if he even WANTS to forgive her... like what if callum wanted to forgive her but stuart wanted nothing to do with her and it caused a rift between them? there’s so much the writers could do w that and it would be so GOOD) and some much needed background/history for callum and stuart. like there’s so much missing there bc none of the highways have really spoken abt her or what happened at all so all we really know is that she left and has (assuming the valentine’s thing has been reconned) never really had anything to do w her sons... but like why did she leave? WHEN did she leave? did she go bc j*nno was an alcoholic and scumbag, or did her leaving make him like that? did she leave for good and basically have nothing to do with any of them, or was she still a mother to them initially? did she try to take them with her, or was she happy to leave them behind and live her own life? does she have other kids now? like??? there is SO much there and it would be so good to explore and it would be so much fun to write.... @ ee hire me

(also lmao i said i wasn’t gonna talk much abt her but look.... i just can’t help myself apparently)

but callum and lexi... god their relationship really is so sweet and i am especially emo abt it today.... i just think it’s so interesting how ben having a kid has never ONCE been a problem for callum like he embraced her straight away and is more than happy to be a part of lexi’s life and god yeah i just love them sm

here are some headcanons for ur enjoyment (i’m sorry i didn’t write u a fic but i do have a lot of callum/lexi in the fics i’m gonna be posting soon so i hope ur not too disappointed 🥺️):

callum is really nervous initially to spend time lexi outside of like normal everyday stuff - like taking her to school, for example, or being around during her bed time. it’s not that he doesn’t like her or doesn’t want to be there, he just doesn’t want to impose. and he worries that he is imposing by doing stuff like that, or maybe she didn’t actually want him there - or around at all - and is just too polite to say. ben assures him, when callum tells him that, that if lexi hadn’t wanted him around she would definitely not have a problem letting everyone know. callum had appreciated him saying that, but didn’t believe him until one day when he was stood in the school playground with ben waiting to pick her up, and she had burst out of the building and went straight for callum, eager to show him the picture she had drawn for him during lunch, when they’d been kept inside because of the weather. ‘oh that’s nice, innit?’ ben had said, feigning insult, ‘you draw a picture for callum, but you don’t draw one for your own dad?’

they bickered playfully while callum had just stared at the picture, a little bit confused as to what it was he was looking at, but appreciative of it all the same. it even had ‘to callum’ in spiky, childish letters written in the top corner.

he turns back into the conversation just in time to catch ben saying ‘no, you can hold callum’s hand if you like him so much’, to which lexi whines and tries to pull ben’s arms away from his chest where he’d crossed them tightly so she can take his hand. he caves a moment later, lifting her up and throwing her over his shoulder and running off with her. a few other parents look over when they hear the commotion - lexi is half laughing, half screaming, and ben is tickling her sides, growling something that sounds like ‘you’re my baby, mine’ - but ben doesn’t even seem to notice. he just stops by the gate, looking back at callum, waiting for him to catch up.

the picture goes straight on his fridge as soon as he gets home. he doesn’t doubt what ben tells him about lexi ever again.

the first time callum and lexi spend proper time alone together, it’s the school holidays and ben is ill at home, and lexi is going a little stir crazy being stuck in the house, which really isn’t helping ben feel any better, but no one else can look after her bc they’re at work or out. so callum offers to take her out for a little while, get her out of ben’s hair so he can rest. he’s never seen ben so grateful.

they only go to the park, but lexi seems excited anyway - holds his hand on the way there without him having to ask, doesn’t wonder too far away from him. he pushes her on the swings for a little while then sits off a ways to watch her play with the other kids at the playground.

at one point she trips and falls while running and callum absolutely freaks out bc she’s scraped up her knees and palms, but lexi bothered at all. she doesn’t even cry. in fact she’s already stood herself back up by the time callum gets to her, dusting the gravel off her raw knees and palms. she even makes to run off again - callum has to stop her so he can take her somewhere and get her cleaned up.

he’s still freaking out, so he takes her to the pub, figuring mick would know what to do. mick, much to his dismay, laughs when he sees the state callum is in about the whole thing (compared to lexi, who is very much over it), and pulls out a first aid kit for him to use. callum sits her on the bar, and lexi chats to mick about what they’d been doing as callum cleans the dirt off her scrapes, then slathers them in antiseptic cream and carefully puts plasters on both of her knees. he honestly thinks he’d been less stressed dealing with literal war wounds.

callum orders her a lemonade and a packet of crisps out of sheer guilt, which makes mick shoot him a look that screams ‘soft touch’ even as he pulls out a glass and starts filling it. then, as callum passes money to him across the bar, he can’t help but ask mick ‘what am i gonna tell ben and lola? they’re gonna kill me’. mick just laughs. ‘they’re not gonna kill ya. she tripped and scraped her knees, halfway; she’s a kid, these things happen.’ and then he’d passed him his change, and they’d both looked at her, drinking too fast through a straw, kicking her legs against the bar from her stool. ‘look at her,’ mick had said, ‘she’s absolutely fine, ain’t ya?’ and lexi had just smiled around her straw and nodded.

(for the record, ben and lola had not killed him when they had found out. in fact, lola had laughed nearly as hard as mick had when she’d seen how guilty he felt.)

less specific but lexi loving to sit on callum’s shoulders bc he’s so mf tall that she feels like a giant

lexi inviting him to come see her in her school play and callum getting embarrassingly emotional about it

callum being the ONLY ONE who can make her eat her vegetables........ like she will only willingly eat them if she knows callum has cooked them.... it’s actually a bit of a problem bc now she won’t ever eat vegetables anymore....

ben coming home to find lexi AND callum sat on the floor colouring, so immersed they don’t even realize he’s there

callum and lexi being the early risers in the house so most weekends they’ll end up sitting on the couch, sharing a blanket and watching cartoons in the morning while they wait for everyone else to get up

i could literally talk abt callum and lexi all day but i’ll stop there bc this post is long enough as it is but just know i Love Them

💖💖💖

#callum highway #lexi pearce #ballum #eastenders #some bonus fluff after tonights fluff i guess LMAO #ashpanesars #question

34 notes · View notes

lanamemories2 · 4 years

Text

clip clops in on horseback wearing a pointy little dunces hat n sipping frm a rly long crazy straw tht says ‘goblin’ w all of the swirls. Hlo. i’m nai n it’s rly nice to meet u all!!! 23 n she/ha pronouns. i’m one of the three admins here (cleo lazuli on the main) n i’m literally So Excited to get started i cld honestly beat my chest like caesar the ape over it. more abt lana under the cut!!! also like this or hmu if u wna plot n her pinterest is here 👺🌚

『KRISTINE FROSETH ❙ CIS-FEMALE』 ⟿ looks like LANA JAMESON is here for HER JUNIOR year as a DANCE student. SHE is 21 years old & known to be VIVACIOUS, ALLURING, CHILDISH & IMPULSIVE. They’re living in NOLAND, so if you’re there, watch out for them. ⬳ NAI. 23. GMT. SHE/HER.

AESTHETICS:

scalding your fingers in shower water until they glow like rudolph’s nose, cherry red gym socks tugged high and nothing else, stepping out into a cold breeze in just spaghetti strapped silk, a red lightening stripe painted over your eye like a new take on the scarlet letter, crowning each finger with a miniature raspberry, hugging a knee close to lick a stripe of fruit juice off the bruised cap, doodling penises in condensation instead of sitting still, a water pistol topped with rum and covered in glittery pin-up stickers, believable smiles that feel more like baring teeth, playing where’s waldo with your lipstick in the crowd of a party and finding red on at least six people’s mouths, a bumper sticker on the back of a convertible cadillac that says ‘SCRAPPY DOO IS A FILTHY SLUT’, prancing around in your underwear to a vinyl record with the curtains open.

HISTORY:

lana grew up in a big house in albany, NY. i picture it w dark oak floors n lots of light furniture. albums framed on walls. mayb some rolling stone covers too frm way bk when of the bands her dad’s label signed. kind of like… a rock star palace w no evidence of children at all. i think i described it best in one of lana’s self paras once when i said the garden ws “as big as it was unloved”

lana’s mum victoria (vic) ws a music journalist w a pretty fruitful career ahead of her when she met lana’s dad richard (rich). his record label ws jst starting out, founded on the coattails of his rich best friend’s (jensen peters) investment w his other best friend (who he jst calls knoxville). it rocketed to success when they signed poppy injects, a rock band w an electric stage presence, n victoria ws drawn to the glitz n glamour of a man tht ws at the helm of his aspiring industry. their love ws very impulsive, all or nothing right frm the start, n it ws almost like she ws mre in love w his accomplishments n what he represented than him. jst a leetle bit Fractured in its intentions.

anyway so jameson records repped a few big rock bands bk in the eighties, altho poppy injects r who they’re mostly known fr, namely bc of hw brightly they crashed n burned. they were a big chart success bt the lead singer hd quite an intense struggle w heroin (wsnt rly subtle abt it either while he ws in the public eye as u cn probably imagine frm such an on-the-nose band name) n he ws always in n out of the papers. it eventually brought down his career n it ws a big publicity nightmare

lana pretty much… grew up around figures like this throughout childhood. rly troubled characters who wld kind of… b extremely volatile n destructive abt their troubles. the jameson house was kind of an open one as welcoming clients went n a lot of parties took place there. a lot of the time musicians wld b snorting lines in the kitchen when she wnted to grab a bowl of cereal fr breakfast n it was just. a very strange environment fr a child to grow up in

her parents always kind of jst… didn’t like her much. her older brother caleb ws unplanned bt they sort of welcomed the surprise more bt… quickly realised they weren’t cut out fr parenthood n then when lana came as another surprise 3 yrs later they didn’t even try to hide their resentment abt the situation. her mum ws actually booked in to have an abortion bt cldnt go through with it at the last minute. once when lana asked her why shes so cold towards her she jst turned her head frm her dresser, looked at her, told her abt this n said “idk why i didn’t go”. lana didn’t kno wht to say to tht so she jst left her room n closed the door

(dissociation tw) bc of this growing up lana adopted this weird like…. she didn’t rly kno what it ws bt it ws a delusion of sorts where she thought she ws a ghost. she’d jst sort of… drift around the halls w noone acknowledging her n sometimes she ws jst convinced she wsnt actually there or they cldnt see her n she ws jst haunting the house frm a previous family

the one saving grace tho tht sort of?? gt her thru this n made her feel Seen ws caleb. lana quite genuinely hs always thought the sun shines out of her older brothers ass like she jst thinks. hes the best person in the entire world. wld b rly bewildered if anyone questioned tht. he wld always look out for her in the zoo they called a home n cut the crusts off her sandwiches (he’d cook fr them most of the time bc their parents were too busy/didn’t care to) n sometimes wld even sleep at the bottom of her bed curled up like a guard dog. it ws always lana n caleb n his best friend tommy against the world in tht house (tommy lived next door n was always over bc he had very strict parents including a military father tht he found suffocating)

SO when caleb n tommy announced tht they’d signed up to the army lana ws understandably…….. completely blindsided. she ws rly upset tht they were leaving bt she tried not to b mad at them n made them promise theyd b safe n back as soon as possible. she even asked if they cld somehow take her w them n they were jst like :/ it doesn’t work that way luv x

(death tw, ptsd tw, grief tw, trauma tw, hospitalisation tw, drugs tw) anyway caleb ended up getting discharged under grounds of severe ptsd when he witnessed tommy die in an explosion tht took place in a shock raid. caleb returned home sans tommy bt he was never the same after tht. he’s been in and out of hospital twice nw n he’s currently dipped off the radar after starting to use. lana kind of felt like two of her brothers died out there in a way n jst like tht it wasn’t them vs the world any mre, it was jst her. she doesn’t talk abt this tho. when she feels the urge to cry she usually jst smiles

ANYWAY whew tht rly…. took a dark turn there….. chuckles nervously at hw sad lana’s life is bt it’s fine it’s all fINE!!!!!!! ok. so on a mre lighthearted note the jameson family r pretty well off n bc of her relation to such a big music industry figure she’s hung out w a fair few relatively high rep ppl thru her teens. mostly kids of celebrities n stuff like tht. she amassed kind of an instagram following mainly fr her style (v penny lane-esque in some aspects aka lots of fur cuff trimmed jackets bt then also jst…. a wild combination of everything honestly. pastel faux fur coats, seventies style platforms, flame red cowboy boots, pink fishnet tights n glitter used like highlight Everywhere) n bc she’s undeniably Very Pretty

(trauma tw) after caleb got back he was rly withdrawn n depressed. he shut lana out n was kind of harsh to her a lot of the time, always telling her to leave him alone or pushing her away. it didnt help either tht lana had a rly traumatic experience w some of her dad’s colleagues at the label when she ws 16 n he was away n she cldnt even tell him abt it once he was bk bc of his own traumas. she kind of jst shut it all in n kept it to herself

(hypersexuality tw) this obviously?? made her spiral a lot. she was already a girl tht loved sex (she’d only rly done foreplay before tho) but since her trauma it got…. completely out of hand. it got to a point where she couldnt rly go 2 days without it, probably not even 1. her lowest point has probably been scrolling thru craiglist for anonymous encounters n meeting up w strangers on there fr a quick fuck jst for the thrill even tho it’s insanely dangerous n she cld wind up getting herself killed. it’s v clear at this point tht she has a sex addiction whether she’s ever admitted it or not. it kind of… almost mingled w tht same feeling she used to get when she ws younger of being a ghost?? like she jst. only rly feels Real when she’s being touched

(violence tw) a mre recent point of history is her involvement w danny nielsen (an evil npc of mine who is possibly the antichrist??? pending investigation). he attended radcliffe n lived in a house w a group of guys near campus. it wsn’t a registered frat bt he essentially…ran it like one it ws kind of a weird set-up where he ws the King Of The Roost. essentially he found out tht lana n a guy called zeke slept together n he ended up beating him to near death in front of her bc his pride ws rly bruised since they were meant to be dating (if u can call it tht bc danny’s idea of dating is very Warped). ANYWAY he ws found guilty n sent to jail so it ws like Intense n a gd example of the kinds of disastrous relationships she gets herself into. perks of being a wallflower voice: We Accept The Love We Think We Deserve.

PERSONALITY:

always smells vaguely of wild cherries or strawberry starburst or jst the candy aisle in general. if she ws a vinyl record she’d b this one n she’d only play good vibrations by the beach boys, dancing on my own by robyn, play that funky music by wild cherry, femme fatale by the velvet underground n (i can’t get no) satisfaction by the rolling stones

deliberately puts on tht kind of Magnetic Alluring Act tht femme fatales wear in movies w most ppl. kind of…. is always playing A Role of the person tht she wants to b seen as. chameleons to situations. feels like she’s performed as the vivacious n fun loving Lana Jameson fr so long tht she doesn’t rly kno who she is beneath tht bt she isn’t too keen to find out

she’s always been rly spontaneous n adventurous. always doing something weird n wild every weekend. she has ten thousand ridiculously absurd n chaotic stories

always dapples her fingers thru the breeze when she’s driving in a car w the window down. she almost always has some sort of sweet on her, whether it’s sour haribo cherries or strawberry lollipops.

she adores david bowie n prince n madonna n anyone tht’s a vintage style icon w little care fr what ppl think.

daisies n poppies r her fav flowers bc daisies r wild n overlooked n poppies r the first thing u look at in a green field. she’s had like 8472493874 ‘relationships’ n none of them hav lasted beyond a month / hav been terrible / hav seen her being treated badly / she’s cheated on them. i dnt think she’s actually ever been w anyone she hasn’t cheated on in some form or another

PLOTS:

exes tht lana’s fucked over hideously. she’d probably cheat a lot and it’d be a whole…mess.

mayb someone tht flipped the switch and cheated on her?

a cousin plot cld b fun too. a friend tht lana fel out w bc she slept w their significant other.

a fake dating plot cld b fun honestly

someone tht’s getting lana into drugs?? she’s kind of impressionable/down for anything so tht’s a likely scenario she’d get into tbh

an unrequited crush!! (either way is cool)

someone tht is just hanging out w her/using her bc she has a lot of instagram followers or they want to b signed to her dad’s label

someone in a band!! she’d probably make like penny lane n b their groupie/sleep w them all fgjkshgkh

umm a good influence too mayb?

oh and a past summer romance/fling tht cld either have meant a lot or not have meant anything at all. bonus points if both of them hav a diff viewpoint on it.

honestly?? anything is fine i cld ramble for days. mayb even one of the high profile kids she grew up hangin w idk. world’s our oyster fellas!

#radintro #hypersexuality tw #trauma tw #hospitalisation tw #violence tw #death tw #grief tw #ptsd tw #dissociation tw #drugs tw #ok this is literally insatiably beefy bt. feel free to jst skip right to personality n plots #anyway shrieks in glee n hits post

13 notes · View notes

theodcra-blog · 4 years

Text

✱ kim doyeon. she / her. cis female. — i know that theodora “ theo ” jung is one of the roses. which makes sense because the twenty year old’s parents are hollywood royalty known for producing and recording multi-platinum awarded albums. rumors say that they are the quixotic of the group , but who knows if that’s true. + plucking petals off of daisies in the name of a crush , steeping teabags for too long , the scent of perfume left behind on a pillowcase.

hello ! im xan and im late as usual but alas ... 😔 im 22 , from the est timezone ( even though my sleeping schedule … does not reflect that sjbdwjkbdjdw ) & i go by she / her pronouns ! i truly ... never know what im doing with intros they just turn out long & messy aha ... are u ready ? *jungkook vc* let’s get it ! 😋

━ ˙ ˖ ☆ QUICK STATS !

full name: theodora marie jung.

nickname(s): theo, teddy, dora ( but only by bullies 😠 ).

zodiac: libra sun, aqua moon ( click ! )

sexuality: bisexual.

occupation: singer / songwriter, model.

birthplace: los angeles, california.

current residence: wherever this rp is taking place aha x

━ ˙ ˖ ☆ BACKSTORY ! ( tw: sexual themes )

so her parent’s story was actually a pretty big scandal in the 90′s ! basically theo’s mom was the pretty famous front woman of a band ( think stevie nicks in fleetwood mac ) who was long engaged to the guitarist of that same band....until one day it was announced she was quitting the group and starting her solo career, leaving her fiance, and signing to a new label.....which was run by theo’s father, a young up & coming producer taking over the family business. not even three months later theo’s mom releases her first solo album, produced and co-written by theo’s father, basically detailing this years long affair the two had been having... in a series of really catchy, moving, and wildly successful songs.

the public went crazy over the drama, especially when rumors started circulating ( through detailed analysis of the lyrics to all of theo’s mom’s solo songs ) that the well known band had actually been quite toxic. basically it was enough to convince media outlets and fans alike to forgive theo’s parents for being cheaters and breaking up the band JSDBWBDJWBD. by the time theo was born in the last year of the iconic decade that launched both her parents into stardom, everyone couldn’t be happier the two stars were getting the happy life they deserved <3

so here comes baby theo.....and the world kind of just immediately labels her as america’s sweetheart. her mom had some minor health issues which just meant it would be safer to not have anymore kids after theo, so not only was she this little angel to the public, she was also her parent’s little miracle baby ! lets just say she had some big shoes to fill bc of all the expectations ..

luckily no one had to worry abt her being a demon child JSBDJWDWJ because she turned out to be a very sweet kid ! she was a HUGE daydreamer since she spent a lot of time alone growing up </3 her mom had retired from singing and was now helping theo’s dad run the label, and the two of them were always busy looking for new talent to sign. she didn’t have any siblings and although she had a really attentive nanny it just .. wasn’t the same ?? so to #Cope JSBDWBSBDJW theo was always creating these super elaborate little fantasy worlds. it wasn’t uncommon for u to find her deeply engrossed playing barbies alone like she had scripts and everything

by the time she was a preteen her parents were both really pressuring theo into thinking about a singing career, so wanting to please them ( and knowing that it was something she was kinda into anyway ) theo said ok sure ! and that’s where.....things start to take a turn. since she was so young she had this very very clean, innocent, cute image ( think disney stars ) & most of the music she was making was used for kids shows or movies. she didn’t really mind it so much but she noticed that her creative process wasn’t really valued ? or taken very seriously by her parents, because in their eyes like that’s their kid you know she’s still young, she’s always had her head in the clouds, they just really didn’t think it was a big deal if they took control.

so theo put up with it, but the years kept going by, she kept getting older, and nothing was really changing. she still had a squeaky clean image, little say in the type of music she was making, but on the outside everything looked great. the public loved her, she was a role model for kids ( even though she was a teenager now ), it was all perfect.....until it wasn’t. when she was 16, she had a scandal akin to the vanessa hudgen’s nude photo leak, except it wasn’t as explicit ( not a nude, just a suggestive pic ) and it was way way worse considering theo was a minor.

legal action was immediately taken by her parents, but once something’s out there you can’t really stop it from circulating, so the photos existed, just not on any official media sites. it was traumatizing for theo having her privacy breached like that, especially because instead of talking about how disgusting it was that someone would leak those photos when she was just a teen, gossip sites & fans alike were too busy talking about how her image was ruined. since she’d had such a clean, innocent reputation, people kinda forgot that... she was an actual person going through life growing up, and that she wasn’t perfect.

theo, being the optimist she is, was like hey you know what? this is my chance to stop making music i dont love. after what was probably her first truly honest convo with her parents, they agreed she should be free to figure herself and her art out. so for the remainder of her teenage years theo fell off the face of the music world....

only to pop back up in the modeling one ! like most celebrities, social media had a big say in this. since reputation wasn’t something theo had going for her anymore, what she did have was a hell of a following still and two famous parents ( not to mention ... shes tall JSBDJWBDWJ ) she did maybe one runway show before deciding she hated that. tbh she hated any modeling that felt too constricting, which is why she never ended up doing anything for big names & mostly does stuff for foreign brands & magazines.

she liked how much aesthetics had to do with modeling, and to some extent being a part of shoots satisfied that creative itch she had, but music was always her first love. theo really wanted to go back and revisit it, but she was scared the public’s reaction wouldn’t be what she hoped /:

so following in her mother’s footsteps, theo’s re entrance into the music scene was an ep ( 100% written, produced, edited, you name it, by her ) she released on the eve of her 18th bday basically explaining everything she went through with art. it was only four songs + an interlude, which would become the most talked about part of the whole thing because it was snippets of various reporters talking about that photo leak.

the public had mixed feelings ! unlike with what happened with her parents, not everyone was ready to “forgive” theo. and since she hadn’t done any promo for her music, or for her career as an artist independent from her parent’s famous label, it wasn’t like she was making crazy money and getting all this recognition. but !! she was insanely insanely happy, and that’s when she realized making music wasn’t something she did for other people, just something she liked to share, so what did it really matter if she could be more famous if she was an artist under her parent’s label ?

cue present day theo, model & singer, although the labels are pretty loose. although her music is getting way more recognition than it did three years ago, she’s still trying to do things independently from her parents, and she still has yet to become a chanel ambassador or anything crazy SDWBKWKFW. because of that she’s kind of garnered this new reputation for herself as one of those celebs that don’t really feel like celebs, like maybe she’s just like u except let’s be real she’s rich and her experiences are NOT universal even if her cute insta pic talking about ~her feelings~ in the caption makes u think they are

━ ˙ ˖ ☆ PERSONALITY + TIDBITS !

not even gonna lie to u guys....she is baby. i dont mean that in a uwu shes 20 but im gonna weirdly make her act like a child way im not a freak shes just baby ! like i mentioned earlier theo was a HUGE daydreamer growing up, and tbh she still is except now that’s she’s older her overactive imagination can kinda get her into trouble. a good example of that is the fact that since she’s so keen to see the silver linings in life and the bright sides, she can neglect the bad sides of people and situations so things still fit into her romanticized vision /: this was the cause for many heartbreaks in theo’s life, and she’s still guilty of doing this although she’s trying to work on it !

very much the kind of person to treat everyone like a friend ( that means strangers too ) until you prove you should be treated otherwise. it takes a lot for her to not fuck with you, so if she doesn’t like you then you probably did something to deserve it /: she’s always had a curious personality as well so it’s really easy for her to connect with people just because she’s constantly fascinated by what she doesn’t know about a person. sometimes it can make ppl uncomfortable just how casually she can have a deep convo, but she just never had that filter where she has to know you for 5 years before she opens up about her trauma </3 you know how when bp’s rose and red velvet’s joy had dinner for the first time rose made joy cry bc she was talking abt her family and stuff ? JSDBWBDW theo is rose ... she’s out there sharing trauma deepening that bond day 1 of knowing you baby ! 🤧

despite all that she’s still kind of maintained this elusive air to her? it’s not like she does it on purpose, or like no one knows the real her, it’s more like just when you’ve learned one new thing about her you realize there’s that many more things you don’t know. it also doesn’t help the fact that she’s constantly romanticizing everything, most of all herself, so she’s really crafted this “dream girl” persona without fully realizing it. im not exaggerating when i say john green wants what she has </3

a lot of times people see her as naive, not because she often sees the good in people or anything like that ( although she does ), but because she has this overwhelming sureness that everything works out in the end. to be fair though, for her, things usually do. call it good karma, luck, whatever you want, but the fact of the matter is even when it looks like there’s no way a situation can turn out well for her, somehow it does. it’s a healthy combination of money, privilege, and a charming personality but to theo it’s proof that she’s right.

naturally.....as an air sign JSBDJWBJWBD she’s a huge flirt ! the media’s always linking her to someone because she really makes it seem like she’s dating half of hollywood when the reality is she’s just being friendly. when she actually likes someone it kind of turns into a huge deal like she gets infatuated with her crushes, swears she’s in love — and then poof. one day she wakes up & realizes she’s kinda over it ... until the next person comes along of course <3

hates conflict and confrontation.....and i mean HATES it to the point where she doesn’t even confront stuff within herself ( i.e. “negative” feelings like sadness ) until one day it all bubbles over and she’s having a legit breakdown and dying her hair red.

yes, that’s exactly what happened last year, although if you ask theo about it she’ll just be like aha what do you mean i just wanted red hair luv x

pictures like these ( click ! ) of theo when she'd be walking around LA in her school uniform used to go viral on twitter.

desperately wishes she was the type of singer ppl would throw their bras at on stage when the reality is she’s out there making some chill bedroom pop kind of stuff so rip that dream </33333

knows how to play the piano and the guitar, but keeps joking one day she’s gonna make an album and only use her recorder as the instrumentals.

has a white british longhair kitty named zoe.

is 100% that bitch that can only drink sweet drinks & fruity cocktails and u know what she’s valid for it !

if she wasn’t famous she’d be making slime. legit running a slime making insta, those were her guilty pleasure & shes so mad they aren’t that popular anymore JSBDJWBDJW

u know that post that’s like “i hate making tea i always feel so bad about throwing away the tea bag i feel like i should just eat it” ? thats theo

━ ˙ ˖ ☆ WANTED CONNECTIONS !

BEST FRIENDS: a power duo the public either loves or hates, ride or dies, that 1 person theo would drop everything for no matter what.....yeah 🥺 they’d be the person she’s closest to & vice versa !

CHILDHOOD / FAMILY FRIENDS: their famous parents were friends, so it’s only natural they wanted their kids to be friends too. just imagine the stories ..... the memories .... maybe they got along really well and are still friends today ! or maybe theo pushed your muse off of the swings ( she claims it was an accident ) and your muse never forgot and to this day they’re sworn enemies.....</3 or less dramatic......they just drifted apart and now it’s like hey we used to be so close aha thats awkward let me just smile at you and walk away ....

LIKE SIBLINGS: someone who sees theo as a sister, and who theo considers her unofficial sibling. most likely she’s gonna bother the shit out of this person as siblings do but they really mean a lot to her because it’s the family she never had /:

CONFIDANTS: the one person theo keeps finding herself talking about the things she usally keeps inside with. i think it’d be funny if both of them find it weird to do things like go out to lunch or shop together because that’s not what they’re used to !

ACQUAINTANCES: friends who are only really friends when both of them are wasted or friends who only comment heart eye emojis and fire sign emojis under each others insta posts but don’t actually talk much for whatever reason

FRIENDS THAT DATED: maybe things just ended amiably between them, or maybe it’s like an “everyone told us we should date so we tried it and boy was that the weirdest thing we ever did” situation. either way the outcome is they’e still friends <3

CAHOOTS: what is this u may ask ? someone theo can be in cahoots with. she has a dumb idea that no one else is likely to say yes to? she goes to ur muse. ur muse has an idea no one in their right mind would say yes to? they go to theo. these two are in cahoots !

BAD INFLUENCE: although that america’s sweetheart reputation is gone, overall theo is still seen as a “good girl” by the public. she’s not one to be in a lot of scandals so i think it’d be really fun if your muse is corrupting that ( whether they’re doing it on purpose or not ) and whenever theo’s with them she just somehow always manages to end up in trouble.

THE BIG EX: theo’s first real relationship, and first real heartbreak. everyone before them had been an infatuation, but your muse was the real deal. maybe the media ruined it, or they ruined it themselves by being too scared of their feelings to stick around, or maybe one of them was willing to try but the other wasn’t. either way it ended badly, and whether those feelings are resolved or not....thats a secret i’ll never tell x

SUMMER FLINGS: give me past & current ( or maybe even recurring ) summer flings where they both know it’s temporary but boy is it fun while it lasts. google their names together and you’ll find paparazzi snapshots on the backs of vespas, on million dollar yachts, holding hands in museums or sunbathing on the beach but by the time fall comes creeping in the romance is over.

HOOKUPS: friends with benefits and it’s not awkward between them, friends with benefits and it’s super weird between them because they may be crossing over into real feeling territory, one night stands / hookups that were huge mistakes, one night stands or hookups that were or are being kept secret from the rest of the roses for whatever reason, someone who leads theo on but never gets serious about her, or someone she leads on but she never gets serious about, her go-to hookup on a night out when she’s partying, etc.

WILL THEY WON’T THEY: a friendship that always teeters on the line of something romantic ! maybe they’re both oblivious to the chemistry / tension or maybe they’re aware of it because they get jealous when they hear about the other being with someone else… maybe they refuse to do anything about it because they don’t want to complicate things or maybe they purposefully cross lines when they feel that jealousy…..could be more angsty or it could be more wholesome depending on which way it goes 😈

ARTIST TO ARTIST: i don’t think .... we have any other singers / ppl in the music industry but i could for sure be wrong JSBDSJBDJWD but ! i still would love to have people theo’s worked with before. maybe if your muses has been acting since they were little, theo could have mingled with them back when she was doing music for kids shows & movies. maybe your muse is a model and theo and them have done shoots together before. maybe theo’s written a current song for a movie / tv show your muse was a part of. maybe your muse is a model and theo asked them to feature on the cover of one of her albums. maybe she hired your muse to act in the music video of one of her songs ! maybe your muse can also sing even though that’s not their main thing and theo’s asked them to feature on a song with her. there are soooo many possibilities that could be lots of fun <33

MISC: “we used to party together all the time until that one thing happen that neither of us talk about and now we don’t do that anymore”, someone who took care of drunk theo once and ever since then she’s taken that as an open invitation to knock on your muse’s door at 3 am completely wasted, “we tried to date but the paparazzi caught us on a date and we were too scared / sick of the public eye so we never got far”, flirty friends who say no i’d never sleep with you haha…unless you’re down?, your muse was theo’s first time OR theo was your muse’s first time, stereotypical happy go lucky and grumpy relationship where the grumpy muse pretends not to enjoy the other’s presence, enemies but it can’t be anything petty it would have to be pretty serious so if u want that drama....

that’s the end i promise it’s finally over 😭😭😭 i truly just ramble & ramble im really so sorry abt that JSDJWBDJWBDJWBDJW i tried to include as much info as possible to make plotting a little easier for all of us so lets pray this works </3 u can come message me on discord to plot @ seulgi ily ʕ´• ᴥ•̥`ʔ#8172 so give this a like if u wanna .... do that ahahahaha x

#╰ ♡ . 𝒎𝒂𝒍𝒆 𝒇𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒔𝒊𝒆𝒔 𝒎𝒂𝒍𝒆 𝒇𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒔𝒊𝒆𝒔 ── ooc !#i didnt proof read a thing if u find a typo u can keep her <3 JSBDJWBDJW #this is . ridiculously long for no good reason im so sorry but now u know the real me ...#roses:intro

8 notes · View notes

lanamemories · 4 years

Text

crash lands a giant animatronic john travolta (wild hogs era complete w a receding hairline n leather jacket) onto the dash n dismounts frm his back without any explanation as to my vehicle...... helo........ nw tht i’ve made the world’s most unsettling entrance i wil? introduce myself. i’m nai n i’m 23 n live in Manchestoh (typed w a fitting n blood curdlingly british accent). my pronouns r she/her n i currently want a pet baby yoda i can feed strawberries to n tuck into a tiny baby yoda sized bed. anyway. lana’s pinterest can b found HERE n more abt her is under the cut!!

KRISTINE FROSETH / CIS-FEMALE — don’t look now, but is that lana jameson i see? the 21 year old dance student is in their sophomore year and she is a rochester alum. i hear they can be exuberant, alluring, childish and impulsive, so maybe keep that in mind. i bet she will make a name for themselves living in murphy’s beach homes. ( nai. 23. gmt. she/her. )

aesthetics: scalding your fingers in shower water until they glow like rudolph’s nose, cherry red gym socks tugged high and nothing else, stepping out into a cold breeze in just spaghetti strapped silk, a red lightening stripe painted over your eye like a new take on the scarlet letter, crowning each finger with a miniature raspberry, hugging a knee close to lick a stripe of fruit juice off the bruised cap, doodling penises in condensation instead of sitting still, a water pistol topped with rum and covered in glittery pin-up stickers, believable smiles that feel more like baring teeth, playing where’s waldo with your lipstick in the crowd of a party and finding red smudges on at least six people’s mouths, a bumper sticker on the back of a convertible cadillac that says ‘SCRAPPY DOO IS A FILTHY SLUT’, prancing around in your underwear to a vinyl record with the curtains open.

BACKGROUND:

this obviously?? made her spiral a lot. she was already a girl tht loved sex (she’d only rly done foreplay before tho) but since her trauma it got…. completely out of hand. it got to a point where she couldnt rly go 2 days without it, probably not even 1. her lowest point has probably been scrolling thru craiglist for anonymous encounters n meeting up w strangers on there fr a quick fuck jst for the thrill even tho it’s insanely dangerous n she cld wind up getting herself killed. it’s v clear at this point tht she has a sex addiction whether she’s ever admitted it or not. it kind of… almost mingled w tht same feeling she used to get when she ws younger of being a ghost?? like she jst. only rly feels Real when she’s being touched

(violence tw) a mre recent point of history is her involvement w danny nielsen (an evil npc of mine who is possibly the antichrist??? pending investigation). he attended lockwood n lived in a house w a group of other guys. it wsn’t a registered frat bt he essentially…ran it like one it ws kind of a weird set-up where he ws the King Of The Roost. essentially he found out tht lana n zeke van doren (full name it’s official business Babey) slept together n he ended up beating him to near death in front of her bc his pride ws rly bruised since they were meant to be dating (if u can call it tht bc danny’s idea of dating is very Warped). ANYWAY he ws found guilty n sent dwn bt the trial ws only recent so. it was just intense all around. crosses my fingers across my chest to ward off his Evil

PERSONALITY:

growing up lana was always a huge social butterfly. knew everyone n everyone knew her. she ws one of those girls tht ws kind of impossible to ignore or forget. very animated, always made u feel like u were the centre of the universe whenever she spoke to u, always made it feel like u were best friends even if ud only spoken to her once. she has this magnetic way abt her tht is kind of hard to find in real life. it’s something ud only rly expect out of a movie character n she like. deliberately puts tht on sort of. kind of…. is always playing A Role of the person tht she wants to b seen as. chameleons to situations. feels like she’s performed as the vivacious n fun loving Lana Jameson fr so long tht she doesn’t rly kno who she is beneath tht bt she isn’t too keen to find out

she’s always been rly spontaneous n adventurous. always doing something weird n wild every weekend. she has ten thousand stories tht always earn a laugh or a gasp over how ridiculously absurd they r

uncontrollably flirty. boundlessly confident. cld make a joke out a paper bag n her comedy is sometimes surreal / absurd. she tends to laugh when she feels like crying n has a smile brighter than a ray of texas sunshine. always dapples her fingers thru the breeze when she’s driving in a car w the window down. she almost always has some sort of sweet on her, whether it’s sour haribo cherries or strawberry lollipops. she adores david bowie n prince n madonna n anyone tht’s a vintage style icon w little care fr what ppl think. daisies n poppies r her fav flowers bc daisies r wild n overlooked n poppies r the first thing u look at in a green field. she’s had like 8472493874 ‘relationships’ n none of them hav lasted beyond a month / hav been terrible / hav seen her being treated badly / she’s cheated on them. i dnt think she’s actually been w anyone she hasn’t cheated on in some form or another

PLOTS:

exes tht lana’s fucked over hideously. she’d probably cheat a lot and it’d be a whole…mess. mayb someone tht flipped the switch and cheated on her? a cousin plot cld b fun too. a friend tht lana fel out w bc she slept w their significant other. someone tht’s getting lana into drugs?? she’s kind of impressionable/down for anything so tht’s a likely scenario she’d get into tbh. an unrequited crush!! (either way is cool). someone tht is just hanging out w her/using her bc she has a lot of instagram followers or they want to b signed to her dad’s label. someone in a band!! she’d probably make like penny lane n b their groupie/sleep w them all fgjkshgkh. umm a good influence too mayb? oh and a past summer romance/fling tht cld either have meant a lot or not have meant anything at all. bonus points if both of them hav a diff viewpoint on it. honestly?? anything is fine i cld ramble for days. mayb even one of the high profile kids she grew up hangin w idk. worlds our oyster fellas!

#huntingtonintro #trauma tw #hospitalisation tw #hypersexuality tw #ptsd tw #death tw #grief tw #drugs tw #dissociation tw #this is. kind of beefy honestly bt feel free to jst skip to her personality section bc that's all u rly need to kno unless ur Curious!!

8 notes · View notes

parkaiur · 5 years

Text

(Un)popular Opinions ep 9!

wowowoow so like... this whole thing was a R O L L E R C O A S T E R and like ten times worse cuz im so emotionally fragile after all of this is over djfhjkhfggj

this turned into “what i liked abt each performance” instead of unpopular opinions BUT i still added some throughout so :^)

OK LETS GET INTO IT :D

so honesty hour~ i was scared when Seunghun was joining treasure 5... NOT that i think hes untalented in any way shape or form, but he’s the oldest and it seemed like the group would be seunghun + the kids LMAO

BUT I WAS SURPRISED (not rly) that he fit so well into Going Crazy ??? Like i was so shook that seunghun could sing any song and totally slay it ,, like wowowow he keeps surpassing my expectations

i screamed when he appeared on stage

BOOMERANG PERF ! : )

ok ok okokokok for those who dont know... jihoon .... is my bias and this performance i have been dreading looking forward to the entire week

i know YG edited it and made it seem like Boomerang was too powerful and strong for dohwan and yeongue, but honestly, out of all the groups, i think boomerang was most suited for this team ,,,

like yeongue??? singing daehwi’s parts?? i didnt know i needed that til now... their voices are so similiar (like tone and style) and their dancing was similar as well !!

all of them were so good? like dohwan is an amazing dancer + vocalist and yoshinori..... really.... wearing that... rapping like that.... sgjdfghsfdjgh

plus,,, where are those ppl who were calling jihoon untalented?? BOY WAS LITERALLY THE MAIN VOCAL IN THE PERFORMANCE U HOES

anyways, choi hyunsuk......... he is an amazing leader wowow like when he was leading the boys in the rehearsal and shouting at them while they were literally on stage kdfjdhskd that was a side of him we hadnt seen before

and the fact that he choreographed the dance breaks ?!?!? like he couldve asked jihoon to help him, but the fact that he carried that on his own is AMAZING ... they truly had the hardest dance to learn and when they made it themselves,, it made everything 10x cooler

GROWL TEAM !

well ,,, this was depressing cuz i knew only one of them would survive ...

tbh my pick wouldnt have been junghwan, it wouldve been jongseob, but i agree that junghwan did very well !! like he has lots of stage experience and knows what to do on stage ,,,, i mean jongseob too but idk man he is underrated : /

anyways , DUMB AND DUMBER PERFORMANCE !

ok like from that teaser... we all knew they were going to win ... it was just expected with confetti guns and backup dancers 3 members of team a +mashi and yoonbin,, all very talented boys and mashi has been training for a long time as well

in my opinion, this song suited Byounggon and Doyoung the most! they really caught my eye in this performance !! like i knew they were going to win as soon as Byounggon yelled “PARTY PEOPLE~~” like...ok byounggon if u wanted my attention, all u had to do was just ask ;-;

byounggon looked really good in this perf... like really good..... too good *chokes*JFGKDGJKJSGF

im usually not fond of that “wet hair” style,,, but it looked so good on him...... /i cant breathe/

ALSO Doyoung’s singing??? i knew he was a good singer but this song really suited his voice and i got chills when he sang

anyways, DNA TEAM ! :D

they were amazing as well !! :D but their stage wasnt as flashy cuz DNA isnt really a flashy song,, its very straightforward LOL

anyways,,,,, yedam and seunghun’s high note was a literal out of body experience like i cant even function thinking abt it cuz it was so beautiful ... it was so flawless as well ...

they sang so smoothly together ... i’ll never be over it ...

i wish i could actually see them tho wtf was that green lighting

also can we appreciate how hard yedam works? i know lots of ppl say yyg exaggerates yedam’s talent and basically calls him a God LMAO ,,, but like,,, after this ,,, he truly is a genius cuz i cant even fathom learning a dance and song in an hour tops wowowow on top of studying for exams??and how much stress that is ?? i can barely eat when im studying for exams oml

.... he really is amazing ... and doesnt deserve all the shit yg throws at him

OVERALL !

ok ok ok so now it gets controversial

ELIMINATIONS : (

ok so as expected, Keita and Seunghun were eliminated which was such a shit move on yg’s part :/ like Keita is the longest running japanese trainee and seunghun is the longest running korean trainee... like wtf

and before i get shit for this, obviously i didnt want any of DNA team to be eliminated (i dont want anyone to be eliminated period),,, but c’mon ,, a 14 year old who has been training for not even a year VS 9 year and 5 year trainees ... ,, i’l admit, i think seunghun deserved that spot,

and jeongwoo thought so too ,, like the look in jeongwoo’s eyes were not “oh yay i won!!” they were “me park jeongwoo??” kdfjdgkhsfd ,, he looked at seunghun immediately which was so sad cuz these trainees dont even have the time to be happy for themselves cuz they are too busy feeling sad for their friends... ... /sigh/

ok boomerang elimination time freaked me TF out cuz jihoon is my bias of like the entire show and ;-;;;;;;;;; jihoon ;-;;;;;; like obviously hyunsuk was expected, but i was thinking yoshinori or jihoon? really dont know with yg :/

bUT IM SO HAPPY JIHOON MADE IT AJFKDFJSKGJ like yes i love Yoshinori but ugh my heart hurts for jihoon .. he’s been through so much ... (but later i felt better keke)

and after those eliminations were over,,, like hyunsuk’s crying really got to me... he was crying ever since seunghun was eliminated and we all know hyunsuk cannot hide his emotions for shit so he was covering his ears during DNA eliminations and he apologized multiple times to the boomerang team and looked SO guilty... my heart ached hearing his sobs... they sounded so child-like and pitiful. it really put things into perspective ;-;

before this, i was unsure if hyunsuk was fit to be a leader, not cuz he cant lead, but cuz he’s so emotional ... but after boomerang team, i think he really can lead Team A if/when they debut... like wow he was a really amazing leader and sometimes showing/feeling emotion can be good as a role model ... but ofc all team a members are amazing leaders LOL (also jihoon aka leader of team b)

ok i already said my peace abt growl so yeet ,,, was expected and i heard spoilers... /sigh/

and ok ok ,,, so i truly think Dumb and Dumber deserved to win,, but all the groups did so well ! i enjoyed all of them except growl tbh (maybe cuz that song has been covered so many times and im lowkey sick of it sdlkjfhdsjgs) but !! they all worked so hard :’(

ALSO THAT ENDING AHAHAHAHA :))))

i believe the trainees who come back are Seunghun (i know it is LMAO) and Yoshinori(??) i say that cuz the camera zoomed on Treasure J members and Haruto opened his arms up for a hug !! and i feel like he would do that for another one of his members kldsjfdgahfjd

PLUS Hyunsuk looked so happy and i know that happiness was directed at Seunghun too, but Yoshinori was also on his team which probs made him feel so much happier !!

****** Another side note: Seunghun is LITERALLY SO UNLUCKY & HAS IT SO BAD ... like first, he lost against Mashiho when he was chosen by the 100 treasure makers (mashi was chosen by yg). then he won against yoonbin and yeongue, but was called out by everyone by being a popularity contest (which no one is complaining about now even tho these performances were all chosen by the fans ahah funny weird lmao ahah more sarcasm) + YG didnt even compliment him and/or Byounggon ?? :///

AND ON TOP OF ALL THAT, he gets chosen to be in the Treasure 5, which i was initially SO excited for, but then D&D wins over the Treasures, leaving seunghun to be eliminated...he can never truly win ... + the only time he got complimented was right before he was eliminated, so waht the fuck...

we really though yedam was the protagonist of this show but UHH we thought wrong: it’s Seunghun !! :)))

also my inbox is open to im open to debating/talking/crying/screaming over all of this dksflhdsgkjhasf also fangirl/boying is allowed :^) especially about jihoon

#yg treasure box #ygtb #unpopular opinion #yg treasure box unpopular opinions #yg treasure box opinions #this turned into more of a fangirling session more than unpopular opinions but WHATEVER #if u read til here im shocked

30 notes · View notes

goldenkamuyhunting · 5 years

Note

re your post abt killing the tiger, can I ask abt ‘As Tanigaki showed he’s not good at taking care of others and at taking his own responsibilities’? what instances particular are you referring to? Thanks so much! I don’t really remember having such an impression of tanigaki while reading the manga haha :’D (But I do agree w you abt him rushing to revenge being a risky thing)

Sure you can ask!

I don’t mind explaining my view of Tanigaki but, of course, I can’t claim to own the truth about him so it’s okay if you feel like not agreeing with me.

Now... although I often end up talking about Ogata and Asirpa, Tanigaki too is one of thecharacters I love. He’s actually one of the guys who got me into Golden Kamuy. And ofcourse, like all the characters I love, he makes me wish to bang my head againsta wall.

Now... first, to make sure, I think the post you’re talking about is this? Feel free to correct me if I’m wrong.

And now, back to Tanigaki, I’ll try to explain you my feelings regardinghim.

Mind you, I’m sure Tanigaki isn’t a jerk or a guy prone to slack off. He’sa complex man who’d like to mean well but... made many mistakes and hadn’trealized it... or has actively turned his eyes away from them.

I’ll go in chronological order instead than in a chapter order because Ithink it’ll be easy to follow his story.

Beware, what follows is a list of moments in which Tanigaki showed he’s not good at taking care of others and at taking his own responsibilities. Tanigaki isn’t just this of course, there are other moments in which Tanigaki is a great guy. This list however isn’t meant to list them.

It’s also a subjective list as it reflects my impression on his actions so don’t take it as words from Noda sensei.

And now let’s start.

In chap 75 we learn of the drama that signed Tanigaki’s life and set him onhis current path.

His sister’s house had been burned to the ground and, inside it, he foundhis sister’s burned body, stabbed by Kenkichi’s knife, while Kenkichi isnowhere to be found.

His first assumption in the middle of his emotional storm is that Kenkichi has murdered her and so he goes in mad rage to the home of Kenkichi’s parents and threatens them.

Now I understand in that moment he was in an emotional storm and wasn’t thinking straight but times go by as he searches for Kenkichi (and then hears a rumor saying he has joined the 7th division).

At this Tanigaki immediately decides to go join the 7th division so as to get revenge on Kenkichi. His family is against it and he leaves them with rude words as his revenge on his dead sister is more important than his living family members to him.

And this is already a pretty bad thing to do.

We see his mother is crying, the rest of his family is probably grief striken. I get he’s angry because his sister was murdered but did he have to hurt everyone else because he was hurting?

He could have left them in a gentler manner if he really felt he had to because it would drive him insane not to go... but really, truth is he shouldn’t have left at all and remained to take care of HIS LIVING FAMILY, instead than trying to avenge HIS DEATH SISTER that won’t have any benefit from it.

It’s not all though. Time has gone by. His anger should have calmed a bit. Kenkichi was someone he knew, someone he probably could call a friends as the two were close enough to go on a first name basis without honorifics and only a year apart. They had likely grown up together.

Why is he so sure Kenkichi could have done something like that?

I understand circumstances were against Kenkichi but was Kenkichi such a terrible person it was obvious to assume he would murder his sister in cold blood, burn the house and escape with no good reason at all? Shouldn’t he had thought ‘I’ll give him the benefit of doubt and ask him what had happened first and afterward, if he turns out guilty, I’ll kill him?’

No, he didn’t.

Murdering Kenkichi is Tanigaki’s way to cope with the pain of his loss.

He’ll always blame Kenkichi for his pain even when he’s told he also played a part in his mother’s death.

What’s worse is the way he wants to kill him.

It’s a clever way, of course, as Tsurumi likely had Ogata kill whoever was on his way with the same method... but whose murders are tactical in nature. Ogata is fundamentally Tsurumi’s hit-man. No, it’s nowhere near a good thing, actually it’s pretty terrible but that’s how things work. They’re clearly not good guys to do such terrible things, but well, I don’t expect them to be, considering their aim. It’s job, nothing personal, and Tsurumi is likely careful to make sure the killing will happen in such a way it won’t cause damage to the army and therefore to himself. Tsurumi doesn’t want to lose this war or to get killed.

Tanigaki was supposed to be a good guy... nothing like a bad one... yet his murder is personal, but he doesn’t have the guts to face Kenkichi first and make sure he’s really guilty, he’s trying to find a way out from being punished for his murder and, although Tanigaki is presented like a guy who believes in comrades, war buddies and stuff, he wants to murder one of his comrades (on the battleground Kenkichi is one of his comrades) in the heat of the battle without caring for the damage this can cause to his faction.

If he had shoot Kenkichi sooner, Kenkichi wouldn’t have managed to save them by stopping the guy with the bombs strapped on himself.

This is not anymore a murder in the heat of rage and desperation, it’s a planned murder in cold blood, whom he wants to carry on without caring about the damage he can inflict to others and of the possibility Kenkichi might be innocent.

Tanigaki is so taken by his narrative in which Kenkichi is the culprit and the person to blame for everything he doesn’t want to see any other possibility.

But still... Tanigaki isn’t a monster. Although he still plan to murder a dying man who had just saved his life... he hesitates.

Maybe ironically what stopped him are Ogata’s words as Ogata assumed he was there to help Kenkichi, reminding Tanigaki at the core he is a good person, not a murderer, maybe not but still Tanigaki hesitates and this gives him the chance to hear Kenkichi call his sister’s name.

This pushes him to do what he should have planned to do at the beginning, ASK FOR EXPLANATIONS before judging Kenkichi. Fate will help him in get what he’s asking and from Kenkichi’s explanation it’ll turn out he wasn’t the monster Tanigaki believed him to be, that he deeply loved Tanigaki’s sister and that he did what he did because it was the only way he had to help her. While this brings peace to Tanigaki in regard to his sister’s death... actually he doesn’t know how to build upon it.

Kenkichi’s confession proved his path to revenge was the dumbest thing Tanigaki could make. He caused further pain to his mother, who died, he attempted to murder a man who actually was innocent, he ended up involved in a bloody war that mentally scarred him and all... for nothing.

Tanigaki is ashamed of himself... which does him honour as he realizes he’s the one to blame but, instead than acting like an adult, go back to his home and apologize, he prefers to hide in Hokkaido.

What if his father is suffering like his mother for the loss of his sister and for how Tanigaki left? What if he merely managed to hold a little longer than his mother but the grief will eventually kill him too?

Tanigaki is ashamed... so he hides, he doesn’t apologize, he doesn’t want to go to his father and say ‘I’m sorry, I was wrong and you were right’. He doesn’t deliver Kenkichi’s words to his relatives but let them live in the uncertain and grief.

While I understand him... well, he’s not taking care of his family or facing his responsibilities.

It gets worse.

Tanigaki decides to remain with the 7th, is involved in Tamai’s little expedition, wounded by Retar and left there.

Now, Tanigaki is a soldier with obligations toward the 7th and toward the comrades who were with him and that were using him as guide.

What’s his reaction?

He wants to hunt Retar.

He doesn’t go to report to Tsurumi. He won’t search for his comrades. He wants to hunt Retar. Tsurumi and his men were searching for him Tamai and the others, a sign he wasn’t allowed to disappear for so long.

This is of no concern to Tanigaki. He wants Retar.

Of course this is his subconscious trying to tell him something, to go back home and return being a Matagi but the point is a mature person would have still kept in mind his obligations to his comrades and the Army.

Tanigaki instead goes on his personal quest to find Retar and joins forces with Nihei.

I love the relationship with the two with Tanigaki in the beginning looking down on Nihei due to him using a Murata rifle,

without knowing anything about Nihei’s phylosophy...

way to hunt...

or life (Nihei also uses that rifle because it belonged to his deceased son).

Again, like he did with Kenkichi, he judged someone without knowing all the facts and was proved wrong.

Nihei, who doesn’t even know half of Tanigaki’s problems, tries to help him by understanding what Tanigaki truly need, to go back home. He understands Tanigaki is making excuses because he doesn’t have the guts to go home but wants to. Nihei wants to give Tanigaki a way to overcome his shame by giving him Retar’s pelt once they’ll have killed him.

I think Nihei wanted to help Tanigaki because he saw in him the son he lost and who couldn’t come back home. I love how they bond and how Nihei tries to be a father for Tanigaki, teaching him but also listening to what Tanigaki knows and accepting his suggestions. Nihei really wants to help Tanigaki go back home.

Although Tanigaki needed medical aid ironically Nihei understood what Tanigaki needed the most was going back home. That if he weren’t given an excuse to go back home he wouldn’t be capable to do it on his own.

On the reverse side, although Asirpa and her grandmother will give Tanigaki medical aid they won’t encourage him to go back home but they’ll let him keep on hiding from his family in their village (no, I’m not blaming them, they don’t know Tanigaki’s situation).

Now, I get Tanigaki didn’t want to warn Tsurumi about being there in fear this would betray the fact Sugimoto too hung around that village but his actions were still irresponsible. He should have found a way to tell the army where he was as they were searching for him. He wasn’t really allowed to decide he could remain among the Ainu to help them.

The Ainu could also end up in troubles as Tanigaki could end up being judged a deserter and in many countries who helps a deserter to hide is punished as well. The truth is Tanigaki doesn’t want to go back to the Army and while I fully understand his wish, this is again irresponsible and wrong toward the guys he called comrades.

Then Ogata drops by and we see it’s only due to him Tanigaki spared a moment to worry about Tamai ando Co. His surprise makes clear he hadn’t asked about them to Sugimoto so he doesn’t know how they had ended.

Tanigaki is however fast to judge them. If they aren’t with Tsurumi they’re nothing to him even if Tamai and Co hadn’t attacked him, Ogata is attacking him under the belief he killed them and Tanigaki knows nothing of their reasons...

Too bad he’ll later tell Ogata he ‘has cut ties with the 7th’.

If Tamai and Co were despicable for having cut ties with the 7th why he doesn’t feel bad for doing the same?

And he has cut ties with the 7th already even if he’s not really admitting it to himself, because he takes advantage of how everyone is distracted by Ogata to sneak back to the Ainu...

...and later will move disguising himself.

The Ainu points out to how, by now, since Tanigaki is making obvious how he doesn’t want to go back to the 7th he should return home...

Note how Tanigaki doesn’t say ‘yes’ nor seems happy at the idea.

Then Inkarmat came along and she worried Huci and he decided to go search Asirpa. Now... I don’t want to think he did so to escape going back because, really, Tanigaki seems genuinely worried for Huci but... we’ll discuss it later.

For now let’s focus on Tanigaki’s travel and how Cikapasi will join him.

Tanigaki’s idea of dealing with the problem was... doing nothing and hoping it would go away by itself (as in that Cikapasi would go home by himself). When it turns out that’s not the case he finally faces him. Cikapasi asks to say, Inkarmat agrees and Tanigaki... plays along, I guess. I can’t find him warning the Ainu about Cikapasi being with them but since he wrote to them I’ll take he did it. The point is when Inkarmat is in danger is Cikapasi who hurges Tanigaki to save her. They were travelling together, she’s now a woman in danger and Tanigaki needs a kid to tell him to help her?

And so we reach the Anehata arc. Tanigaki has said he travelled all that way to bring Asirpa back to Huci.

However when Asirpa rejects the idea thinking it’ll make her look as if she were a child, Tanigaki says nothing.

Asirpa wouldn’t have acted as a child if she were to go back. Tanigaki knows first hand the treath on Huci’s health is genuine. His mother died for the same reason and he set himself on that travel to avoid this happening to Huci. Yet he does nothing to make Asirpa change her mind. He doesn’t tell her about how he lost his mother, he doesn’t tell her going back wouldn’t have been the act of a child but of a caring grandaughter.

It would have been fine if he were to try and failed, but he doesn’t. True, he’ll remain with Asirpa to support her in her travel but he doesn’t really set her straight on the risk Huci was running. This makes me fear he’s using the whole thing as an excuse not to go back home.

It’s clear he doesn’t know well how to handle his relationship with Inkarmat. I’ve talked other times with it and I’m also willing to give him a pass as he’s apparently not experiences with women so, probably, he doesn’t really know how to act with her but, although he tries to protect her from Ogata, he’s of no real support to her.

Inkarmat is a troubled woman with a sad past behind herself, plagued by Wilk’s memory which is, apparently, the happiest memory of her life.

When Tanigaki confronts her about the whole rice thing his reaction seems the one of a jealous man, more than of a supportive man. When Inkarmat explains him her reasons, he accepts them but he’s still not really supportive, more like ‘I’ll let up to you close this chapter of your life and once you’re done with what you’ve to do and I’ve done with what I’ve to do we can be together’.

This is not terrible per se as he were letting her have freedom and trust... but it’s not offering support along the way even though Inkarmat just told him about her sad past and she might have needed support to face it. But okay, as I said I’ll give him a pass as the whole thing with Inkarmat is mostly ‘unknown ground’ for Tanigaki... even if this might be part of why Inkarmat will feel it’s all right not to warm him about how she was passing info on Tsurumi.

Fast forward to post Abashiri, Tanigaki decides to leave Inkarmat in Tsurumi’s hand to ‘save Asirpa’ or so he says but fundamentally he carries along Kiro’s knife to ‘return it’ by stabbing him as he stabbed Inkarmat. He doesn’t make sure Cikapasi will remain home (even though he was the adult in charge of Cikapasi) so Cikapasi ends up tagging along and since they’re hunting two dangerous men the travel might be dangerous this time.

And so we reach the point in which he stabs Kiro.

Differently from Kenkichi this time it was self defence, so I don’t blame him for stabbing Kiro... I blame him for wanting that so much he left behind Tsukishima and, when Koito went back he didn’t follow him. Tanigaki was their guide. He should have made sure Tsukishima was following and shouldn’t have left Koito alone. The same way I scold Koito for leaving Tanigaki alone, I also scold Tanigaki for leaving Koito alone. Tanigaki is probably older and surely more experienced and they had been just attacked. He shouldn’t have left him alone.

So that’s my list of moments in which Tanigaki failed either at taking care of others or of taking care of his own responsibilities or both.

Mind you, as said before Tanigaki didn’t do it out of ill will or lazyness. He often meant well or did so by mistakes or because misguided by his own feelings. Tanigaki genuinely wants to do the right thing, to be a good person. He cares for many people and would like to help them. But still, he failed here and there and, in some cases, other people paid for his failure.

I was really, really hoping his travel to Karafuto would end up showing he had grown and can be supportive and help the people he cared about because I know Tanigaki is a good guy and can do it... and I’m really sad to see among his goals for the Karafuto trip there was ‘return that knife’.

I wanted him to be the one who’ll support Sugimoto, who’ll tell him revenge will bring no good and instead Tanigaki had a wish of revenge in his heart as well.

Tanigaki has changed from the start of the story, changed in many ways but sadly not in this one. This is a true pity and I’m really sad for him because Noda seemed to have set up things in such a way we can expect Tanigaki to have to pay the price for his own wrong choice.

And I can’t help but be worried for him.

Now of course you might feel differently from me, as said before I’m not Noda and I don’t own the truth on these characters but still I hope my reply at least helped to clear up my past words. Thank you for your ask!

#Golden Kamuy #Tanigaki Genjirou #Ask

19 notes · View notes

lenalvthor · 5 years

Note

Ayyyyy, so idk of this is the right blig, but if you wanted ideas for little mini fics relating to the hsau, I'd love to see how Sara and Ava's relationship was before the whole thing with Ava's coming out. Anyway, I love the fic and I hope you have a wonderful day!

hi!! 💛apologies for leaving this in my inbox for so long, this last week has been a ROLLERCOASTER but i promise you, i did see this and get very excited abt it and send it to rachel and we were both freaked out a bit abt getting prompts for the fic

so we have many, many ideas about pre-fic avalance in this au. like Many. many to the point that we don’t have the time to write an actual mini fic about it because the fic would be the furtherest thing from mini. also, bc it would be rlly weird to have to try and go back and write them before all of this, like we go back and read ‘don’t you like you’ and everything feels so strange bc we wrote it before we had this big detailed plan for everything that was gonna happen between them and it just feels crazy that they were in this place where they weren��t even friends let alone in love

but what i am gonna do. is give you a fuckload of bullet headcanons instead. so i hope that suffices bc buckle up, there’s gonna be a few 🌈🌈

so ava and sara don’t go to the same elementary school. they’re both star city natives though so they kind of know of each other. sara did dance when she was little and was in layla’s dance class and ava was sometimes there when barbara came to pick her up etc etc.

(ava’s school was a little nicer, was the fancier star city school that barbara teaches at. damien insisted nora went there bc of it’s good reputation and gary’s mom wanted the best possible start for her son, hence how the three of them ended up there and became friends)

so by the time middle school comes around and they actually become a part of each other’s spheres, they know the other vaguely by name and the like

in middle school, ava and sara meet and they don’t quite get along but they don’t rlly know each other so it’s not an issue - sara’s this reckless trouble maker that ava wants nothing to do with bc she wants to just do well and be liked and successful and normal while sara’s off getting into fights and sneaking out of school and never doing anything by the rules, so not interacting pretty much suits them both just fine

until in 8th grade, after spencer leaves to join the army and ava’s still trying to piece herself back together and he left around the time that she decides she was going to quit basketball after this season and she was scared she might be gay and starts vehemently ignoring any and all possibilities of that fact - that’s when sara lance comes out as bi

and sara doesn’t know why ava suddenly makes a point to argue with her more than usual, or call her out in her bullshit, or just be a general pain in the ass but she is, and what sara doesn’t realise is that ava’s angry that sara came out bc it put ava in a position where we had to actually confront herself abt her sexuality

sara has a quiet suspicion of why ava’s acting like this, and it would sort of make sense that ava would be gay (or bi, but sara thinks gay) but also she doesn’t wanna assume so she leaves it and just pushes ava’s buttons just as hard

but it’s not all bad, bc the day nyssa and sara start dating, everyone at school is talking about it and ava knows her friends will be too and she’s terrified bc she doesn’t want to know if they think it’s weird, but kuasa just goes “whoa, no way” and lily whistles and says “damn, they’re probably the hottest couple at school” and gary doesn’t say anything but he’s got this look of curiosity and relief on his face and nora is looking at him carefully before she just glances over at sara and says “good for them” and ava doesn’t know if she wants to laugh or cry with relief

(and it’s still 2 and half years before she even tells nora - the first person she comes out to - but it’s a start at least)

ava and sara get better for a bit in 8th grade, but then high school happens and suddenly they’re in the same homeroom and heaps of classes together and being partnered / grouped up for projects all the time and they both just get on each other’s nerves to no end

both of them are vying to be rip’s favourite in class and it makes ava furious and sara so smug because ava wanted to be the teachers pet bc she worked hard and did a load of extra curriculars and was always polite and on time and we’ll behaved, whereas rip just liked sara because she was entertaining and good at soccer and a little too cocky for her own good

and around this time, sara is slowly becoming friends with amaya and ray and jax and nate, is being less reckless and dangerous and unbearable as she was in middle school, starting to mellow a bit

but anyway; they’re at each other’s throats all of freshman year but their rivalry ends up being kind of fun bc arguing in class when it’s actually about school isn’t as frustrating for all the teachers and sara notices that ava actually makes her think, makes her feel smart, bc she can actually kind of keep up with the smartest girl in their entire grade, and ava meanwhile realises that sara is actually pretty smart, she’s actually kind of a genius and if she actually tried, she could probably give ava a run for her money and that both infuriates and pleasantly surprises ava

but then early sophomore year, nyssa leaves. sara’s not at school for a few days and by the time she comes back, everyone Knows because it’s high school and nothing can stay secret for long, and everyone’s trying not to gossip bc sara’s slowly become quite popular around school but they can’t help it, they all wanna know what’s going on

and ava detests sara but she’s always admired her for coming out, for being so proud abt it and dating nyssa when there was like a grand total of 3 other lgbt people at school all of whom fit every single stereotype that ava wanted nothing to do with (and she’ll never admit it, but she had always felt kind of safe and comforted knowing nyssa and sara were dating bc it made her feel like she would be ok one day), so she can’t even imagine how sara feels especially if the rumours about why nyssa left are true

sara’s heartbroken and angry and confused and she keeps pushing ava with jabs and mocking retorts and remarks that are lot harsher and more biting than usual but ava just smothers the urge to respond and rolls her eyes pointedly and ignores her bc she knows sara’s just lashing out

and at one point in gym, sara just drops her back and turns to face ava and demands “what the fuck is your problem sharpe?” and ava crosses her arms and goes “pretty sure you’re the once with the problem here, lance.” to that, sara glares and spits out “i’m not the one walking around with this fucking holier than thou attitude as if you’re better than me. can you at least argue back instead of rolling over like a doormat?” and ava literally wants to throw a dodgeball at her but she just holds her ground, doesn’t say anything, keeps sara’s gaze before biting her lip and looking away for the briefest of seconds. sara makes this smug huff of triumph, as though ava’s abt to fight back but ava just looks back at sara with an expression that’s too gentle, and says “i’m sorry about nyssa, sara.” and goes to join her dodgeball team

(amaya comes over to ask sara what it was about and sara can’t bring herself to answer, just shakes her head because she doesn’t quite know what just happened)

things get better quickly, like. sara would never say it at the time but zari is this refreshing burst of fresh air who didn’t know nyssa the way all her other friends did and it’s so nice to have her around, even tho she’s still quite new. and then wally comes to star city and everything is fun and exciting w the legends and things aren’t perfect, definitely not bc oliver and laurel break up and sara and laurel have been fighting just usually like sisters do and dinahs been calling, on saras ass abt her slipping grades at school and sara just wants to piss them both off so she hooks up w oliver (and they’ve known each other for so long that they both feel guilty abt it and they try to make it a Thing bc they don’t want to admit that they both just used each other for different reasons)

it it’s sometime after that, after she and oliver collapsed under the very weak foundation their relationship was already built on, after laurel starts dating tommy, after amaya promises sara she’s not a bad person for what happened with oliver, it’s sometime then that ava makes that challenging retort abt sara even trying to get a better grade than her in french

and all sara can think of is laurel, the way laurel hadn’t been mad when she hooked up with oliver, the way laurel had just snuck into her room late at night and slipped under the covers and hugged sara close as sara broke down abt why their mom just didnt care abt all the good things sara was doing, the way laurel had softly murmured “you’re brilliant sara. you are, you’re so smart and so capable and if mom can’t see that, then she doesn’t deserve to.”

so sara does try. and she gets an a+. and the beam on laurel’s face when she sees it on sara’s desk, the pride on quentin’s when sara tells him - sara never looks back (and she also starts to look a bit more at ava, because maybe she’s not all horrible)

gary comes out at the very end of sophomore year, sara goes over to give him a hug and she sees the expression on ava’s face - proud and protective and kind but also sort of hurt and definitely, definitely jealous, and sara suddenly remembers the way ava had acted towards her after sara had first come out and she remembers her vague, kind of unfounded assumption that maybe ava was gay, realises that ava’s never had a boyfriend, never said yes to any of the numerous attractive guys who have asked her out

but also, sara’s known ava for like, 4 years by now and she knows what kind of family ava has and she feels this sudden ache in her chest bc ava must be in the most difficult position - sara doesn’t even know if ava is aware of it, so she doesn’t wanna say anything or offer support (also bc ava still grinds her gears to no end)

but she just keeps an eye out, checks ava’s facebook / instagram every once in a while to see if she’s posted anything abt it or added smth like a pride flag to her bio

and then on a sunday evening in october junior year, ava comes out on facebook. sara doesn’t see it first, in fact, she’s lying on the living room couch trying to not fall asleep reading her social studies text book when from the armchair, laurel lets out a quiet “huh” and both quentin and sara say “what?” at the same time and laurel goes “ava sharpe’s in your grade, right sara?” and sara nods and quentin’s like “is that the girl you did that chem assignment with earlier in the year?” and sara wrinkles her nose and goes “unfortunately. she’s a pain in my ass.” and laurel just hums and says “well, she just came out.”

sara almost falls off the couch, scrambling into a sitting position and snatching laurel’s phone and ignoring laurel’s protesting “hey!”

she reads the post through several times before she goes to comment and realises she’s on laurel’s phone, grabbing her own but then she hesitates, wanting to write something genuine but it feels too vulnerable so instead goes “ffs sharpe, on top of everything else, i now have to compete with you for hot girls too?”, but she opens messenger and goes “hey, just wanted to say congrats on coming out. i know it’s nowhere near easy to tell your family so like, hope that went okay. and i’m here if you wanna talk abt it at all.”

and the day after, as they’re clearing up microscopes and stuff in bio, ava quietly thanks her for her message and sara shrugs, goes “i get it.” and ava pauses before quietly admitting “you know i always admired you for being out. especially when we were so young back in middle school. i’d only just started thinking about it then and … i was a mess. seeing you being out and happy and just - the same person you’d always been … that helped more than you know.”

and it’s probably the most meaningful conversation they’ve ever had (or at least had in a Long time)

and 4 days later, ava shows up on sara’s doorstep after a fight with her mom at dinner and this entire fic began.

also, for your own reading pleasure, some other random moments we thought of;

sara only ever called ava ‘sharpe’ or ‘sharpie’ or any other variation of her name until they were both 15/16

ava used to roll her eyes every time sara got a a bad grade because she could be so much better if she tried, but she doesnt

sara nearly started a fight the first time she and ava had to work together on a project, and once they started it and it became clear they worked well together she was the Most Annoyed™️

back in middle school ava always scoffed and made some patronising comment every time she watched someone break up a fight sara had gotten into (except for the one time in the first few weeks of class when she had to stop sara throwing her second, or maybe third punch at a homophobic jerk in their class who’d cornered her on the way back from school - that time she shoved him away and watched him go before turning and cautiously asking if sara was okay, and sara glared at her and told her she’d had everything under control before storming off in the opposite direction)

there are probably many many headcanons for this part of the universe that we will think of but i hope this suffices for now, feel free to come yell about anything legends / fic related bc this was so much fun 💖💞

#lot #legends of tomorrow #avalance #you make me smile #anonymous #cileme writes #lot hs au

60 notes · View notes

creaturebloom · 5 years

Text

the end of things

so in october of last year i ended my incredibly intense and all-consuming relationship with crush man. it was the right thing to do.

i was more open on twitter abt like all the things that happened, negatively speaking, but i know at least a few people were somewhat invested in this story so here is my final thoughts on things

crush man was ... great, until he wasn’t anymore. we were very close and i very much loved him, and as we know he did not feel the same. after that things really started to change. before that things were not always so great. i felt angry a lot and didn’t know why.

the thing of it is, when you spend a lot of time around someone who is angry, it makes you into someone who is angry.

once he moved back to the states it was ... strange. a quick spiral, let’s say, downwards.

it was a relief once he got a job and was busy all the time. it was a relief and i remember those months before thinking to myself that i only had to hold out a little longer. that i only had to wait it out and then we would just drift apart and that would be fine. i would be fine with that.

that did not happen.

a few months in he quit his job and by this time i had gotten, for once, back into my own life. i realized how much i had been missing out on. how much freedom i experienced in those months when he was working was more than i’d had in the last year and a half.

i no longer felt compelled and obligated to spend all of my time with him. i no longer felt the sincere need to work my schedule around his, and always, always make plans that involved him. and this filled me with an extreme sense of guilt, which is something i have always struggled with. guilt.

the signs were always there. he was always controlling, and he was always manipulative, only i didn’t know it then. maybe he got worse at hiding it, or maybe i started paying more attention.

at some point during the course of our relationship to one another i came across the book “why does he do that?” about abusive men, and i didn’t read it then because i thought it would only make me anxious, because i thought it would only put ideas in my head. the truth of it is that i was scared to have my anxieties confirmed. i was scared that he was being emotionally abusive.

but i loved him, you know? i really did.

and i felt responsible. i felt so responsible for him. if he was having a bad day, it was my fault. if he got upset over something, it was my fault. if i could just do things the right way and listen to him enough, well, then things would be fine, wouldn’t they? i could calm him down. i could help him work through whatever recent crises he was having, of which there were many.

the thing about angry people, though, is that eventually they turn that anger on you. no matter what, they do it. you become available and easy to target. the easiest target, maybe.

it’s hard because it’s hard to recognize abuse when it’s scattered with good things. when it comes cloaked in a personality that makes you laugh so hard your face hurts. when it is disguised as someone who genuinely cares for you. i’m not saying he didn’t care for me. he did, in his own way, i’m sure. he cared for me the way someone cares for the person they think is going to save them.

he drowned me, the way someone drowning clings to their savior, the one that is foolish enough to get into the water and swim out to them.

but you can’t save someone who is drowning that does not want to be saved. he did not want to be saved. he did not really want my help. he would ask for my advice, wrap himself up in my assurances, and do nothing. he would do nothing to change his situation though he had all the means to do it.

it was hard, often. going back through this tag sometimes i wonder if i really wrote these things. if i really felt that way. i know that i did. i know that i wrote often of our closeness and how i had never felt so comfortable with someone. but that didn’t last. not really.

i became wholly uncomfortable, but didn’t quite realize it. i was afraid to do anything that he might not like, even when he wasn’t around. because he would get so mad about things, such little things. i died in a game once, and he got mad about it. i didn’t follow his exact instructions, and he would get mad about it.

i tried to, over video chat, help him to build his computer, which i had picked out all the parts for because he could not or would not do it. he got mad because i wasn’t understanding a question he had. he got so frustrated about it all. i told him i’d never done it before, never built a computer, but he still got so mad at me, like it was my fault for even trying to help him.

other things, worse things, but i don’t want to speak of those. just always he was angry. at me, at his family, at his life. maybe at himself. perhaps mostly at himself.

how do you help someone who has been traumatized? how do you help someone who turns that trauma into rage? who feeds off of it, who cannot let it go, who uses it as a reason to be the way they are? maybe that’s unfair to level at him. maybe he didn’t want to be that way. maybe he didn’t want to be so angry all the time. but he was. he was and he was angry at me and i don’t know why.

far in enough and i wasn’t allowed to have other friends. i wasn’t really allowed to have anything to myself. he wanted to insert himself into every aspect of my life all over again, but i had stopped being in love with him a long time before this. i think i resented him.

he wanted everything to go back to how it was when we met, but that wasn’t going to happen. i was doing things, living my own life, accomplishing things i had not been able to do for almost two years at this point. because he took up all of my time. an obsession. we were, without a doubt, obsessed with each other.

it was not healthy from the get-go. i didn’t know it then but i know it now.

he was unkind to me, moreso in those last months. the last time we spoke he basically threatened to do some irreparable harm to himself, all because i was not spending enough time with him.

he asked if i would just try. if i would just try to save him. over and over and i said no. i said no and could not bring myself to say that i had been trying. that i had been trying so hard and for so long. i could not bring myself to tell him that he did not want to be saved.

that’s the other thing, really. you can’t save someone. you can help them to save themselves, surely you can, but you can’t do it on your own. changing someone’s life only works if they’re willing to make changes, too. he was not willing.

i tried too hard and for too long to make our relationship something that worked for the both of us. establish healthy boundaries, and all that. he hated it. he absolutely hated it and he resented me for taking my life back.

see the thing is, he loved, loved, loved the fact that he was the center of my life. but i was not the center of his. not by any means. if he didn’t contact me for a week it was “sorry, i lost track of time” and that sad little voice. apologies. he apologized so many times for so many things, and i always forgave him.

but if i wasn’t around, it was a crisis. it was unforgivable that i not be there for him when he needed me. and i felt that. i felt guilty all the fucking time for it.

that’s what emotional abusers do, though. they make you feel guilty for not doing what they want. they make you feel like you’re the bad guy here. it was my fault, of course, always, for everything.

the funny thing is that he once told me that he’d been in abusive relationships, both sides of them. he meant physical, i’m sure, but i don’t think he realized what he was doing to me also counted as abuse. and it does. i can admit that now.

did i have a bit of stockholm syndrome going on? i don’t know. i definitely had a guilt complex. i definitely thought that all the good things we had between us were worth the awful things. they were not worth it, it turns out.

earlier today i read a post somewhere that was sort of humorous but it boiled down to “pretty sure your soulmate isn’t the guy making you cry every day”

that was me !! i was crying every day ! all the time !

i thought he was going to fucking kill himself. i thought if i didn’t behave a certain way or do things just how he wanted, he would kill himself. he would get so upset sometimes, truly he would, and i didn’t know what to do about any of it.

anyway this post is very long. i’m still processing, i guess, these four months later.

our last phone conversation was awful. he woke me up and immediately started crying and ranting. the point of it was, though he did not say so many words, that i was not spending enough time with him. that he was so upset because he missed me. no. that’s what he thought the truth was, maybe, that was what he had convinced himself of.

the truth was that he could not stand to be alone, and i was the fool willing to put up with him. in my journals there are many entries where i refer to myself as his companion animal, and it truly felt that way sometimes.

it didn’t matter that i was me. it only mattered that he wasn’t alone. it only mattered that there was someone willing to take all of his shit and all of his anger and all of his abuse and put up with it. because i loved him. because i didn’t follow my gut and leave much earlier. because i thought there was good in him.

and there is. good, i mean. there is good in him. the thing that makes it so confusing when you’re inside a relationship like that is the good parts. if it was only ever bad, well, i would not have stayed. who would? but there were good parts. you can read about them.

anyway, after this final phone conversation i wrote him a letter and very maturely and delicately explained things to him, and that i was leaving. i blocked or deleted him on everything, except for email. i said that if he had something to say to me it was only fair, and he could write me. he never did.

he tried to call a few times, but i set his number to go straight to voicemail. he never left a message. i have heard of him, through a mutual friend. he seems better now, so has been said. i hope that’s true. i hope he’s doing better.

but i cannot speak with him and i will not put myself in that position again.

my favorite way to phrase it is: i don’t want to talk badly of him, but also fuck that guy.

#crush man saga #i realize i never really updated this uhh tag #so here it is #warnings for mentions of like mental / emotional abuse

1 note · View note