#idk whether to tag this as a vent post or not tbh

[fleabuki]

okay but why am i literally him

we're both unemployed, anxious 24/7, twitchy, and have trauma and parental issues 👍

#ts2 #nervous subject #idk whether to tag this as a vent post or not tbh #i'll tag it just it case #vent post #depending on how you look at it #strangetown

[ariaste]

Hello hello! If it’s all right with you, I would like to vent for a moment: Back in the day, I used to be really into BBC Sherlock. I know it was bad, but it was “Be Gay (solve) Crimes” and I couldn’t resit. One of my favorite parts of the fandom was reading fan metas. I enjoyed reading your ridiculously long meta! I am not very clever and I enjoy reading people noticing things that I can’t. It’s fun watching people passionately pick up clues and put them together.

I don’t think I’m the only one getting superwholock flashbacks lately. Sherlock also tried an unreliable narrator in S4 and it was an absolute shit show. People thought thought the finale was fake, it was so bad. TBH, the entire show was a dumpster fire that thought it was more clever than it was. Moffat was a good writer for single episodes for DW, but a garbage show runner. And they called us crazy for picking up what they were putting down.

But Good Omens gives me a spark of hope. It is unashamedly queer, fun, drinks its respecting women juice, and, unlike moffatiss, I think Neil and the crew may actually be clever enough to pull something big off. I adore the Discworld series and Sir Terry, and I have faith Neil will to do right by him.

Good Omens is restoring my faith in nerdy queer fiction and reminding me why I love fandom so much. Please keep up the crackhead theories. I love them 💕

Thank you, that's very kind!

(Ended up writing a very long reply about the response to my essay and also about queerness in media. Idk why i am writing such long posts these days SORRY LOL. Anyway I'm putting it all beneath the cut so I can tag it without clogging people's dash or the tag pages)

It does make me sigh a little when I see people scornfully comparing my long essay to The Johnlock Conspiracy or saying that they're having Sherlock flashbacks, because the both the contexts of the shows and the methodology of the theorizing are VERY different. To my mind, a more direct comparison of methodology would be the Gravity Falls fandom's "Stan Has A Secret Twin" theory. Writers and showrunners DO like being sneaky and clever from time to time, and many of them are much better at it than Moffat is.

But whether or not my theory is right or not is... kind of irrelevant to me? I wasn't out to force anyone to agree with me, AND writing it was a really fun way to spend a weekend, AND I'm proud of the work I did and the story I told, AND it felt good to have a satisfying workout at the Brain Gym. So even if I'm proven utterly and completely wrong, I won't feel like I wasted my time. :)

Good Omens is a great show, and I am SO HAPPY to see it (and other shows!) embracing queerness, sharing the fans' enthusiasm for the story, and honoring and respecting the fans' love rather than punishing them for it. As more and more time goes on, I think we're going to see more and more shows like that, because some of the people who grew up reading tumblr discourse are going to be showrunners themselves one day, and they'll have learned serious lessons about what it feels like when the audience is met with love rather than disgust and disdain. In fact, we're ALREADY seeing more shows like that than we had 10 years ago! There is so much canonical queerness on-screen these days that the me of 10-15 years ago is ASTONISHED and feels wealthy beyond counting. Of course, there is so much further to go, but man... when i was a kid, we had to walk uphill in the snow both ways just to see two dudes making sustained emotional eye contact, and we were grateful for it. (Jokes but also.... kind of real tho)

We've seen the exact same thing happen in scifi/fantasy publishing in the last seven or eight years, too! (Went off on a long tangent about Queerness In Media from an insider perspective, continuing below a cut so I don't clutter everyone's dash)

Even as recently as 2013--ten years ago--you might not have even been able to get your book published if it was openly gay. Hell, you might not have been able to get an agent to represent it, even. It would have been labeled "unmarketable" and passed over; if it DID get published, the queerness would have been camouflaged and downplayed and hidden in the marketing as much as possible--you wouldn't have known by looking at the cover that it was queer, you wouldn't have been able to tell by reading the back cover that it was queer. In literally 2016, seven years ago, a few months before I got my first book deal, I remember having a conversation with a friend and being very very worried that if I wrote books as queer as I wanted them to be, I would be "pigeonholed" as "ONLY writing Gay Books", that I would be passed over for any of the publisher's marketing budget and publicity efforts, that I would be sidelined and ignored... In 2016, I thought I was facing a choice of writing stories with more "mainstream appeal" OR writing the books I wanted to write and potentially undermining the rest of my career.

That didn't happen, thankfully, because in the next couple years there was this incredible explosion of queer scifi/fantasy. You see, ten to fifteen years ago, a truly stunning percentage of my colleagues -- writers, editors, publicists -- were writing and reading fanfic, and they carried their tastes and story-hungers with them as they grew up and got Real Adult Jobs at publishing companies. And suddenly, as if out of nowhere, a lot of us came of age all at once and there was this absolutely enormous wave of queer SFF that in my opinion has brought us into a new golden age of the genre: The Locked Tomb series by Tamsyn Muir, The Chorus of Dragons series by Jenn Lyons, She Who Became the Sun by Shelley Parker Chan, Ancillary Justice by Ann Leckie, The Tensorate series by Neon Yang, Priory of the Orange Tree by Samantha Shannon, Light from Uncommon Stars by Ryka Aoki, The City in the Middle of the Night by Charlie Jane Anders, the Birdverse books by RB Lemberg, The Traitor Baru Cormorant by Seth Dickenson, The Jasmine Throne by Tasha Suri, Reforged by Seth Haddon, The Sorcerer of the Wildeeps by Kai Ashante Wilson, Ocean's Echo by Everina Maxwell, The Fifth Season by NK Jemisin -- and these only the ones I could remember off the top of my head in 30 seconds, and I have a flavor of ADHD that makes my brain go blank when people ask me to think of specific examples of things! It is harder for me to think of a SFF book published in the last 7 years that ISN'T queer.

And then almost exactly a year ago, my book A Taste of Gold and Iron came out with THIS COVER:

Which. Is not so much a step forward in openly queer SFF as it is a fucking gauntlet thrown down in challenge. I cannot impress upon you strongly enough how much I would not have gotten this cover 10 years ago, and that's if the book was even accepted for publication in the first place. This cover SCREAMS gay fantasy romance. There is no attempt to hide it or camouflage it. It is advertising exactly what it is, right up front.

I got the absolute privilege and honor of having this cover--and I do consider it an incredible honor--because of the work that all my colleagues put in with their own work. Each queer book that got published wedged the door a little wider for the next one, and then a little wider still for the next one, until finally someone could get their foot in the door and squeeze across the threshold, which opened it a little wider again. So when I look at this image, I don't just see a beautiful cover that I am delighted to have on my books--I see an entire history of slow, steady progress by so many incredible writers who risked damaging their careers just to drag us to a point where a book as gay as this one could get a cover as gay as that one and STILL get the full and enthusiastic support of both the publisher and the audience. And the most incredible honor and the most humbling privilege out of all of this is the fact that the success of this book meant that the door was wedged open another little bit, that I got to contribute in this small way to the efforts of everyone who came before me, so that ones who come after us will find the door flung wide -- or that there's no door left at all to block the way, because we've collectively torn it down.

So yes, @eyona, I think that having your faith restored little by little is a very good thing, and I am delighted that Good Omens is doing that for all of us. And what's even better is that even if Good Omens doesn't play out exactly how we want it to, that's... kind of okay? Because there is always the next one, and at the very very least, Good Omens is wedging the door open further so that the next one can have an easier time of it. We don't have to walk uphill in the snow both ways just to get a moment of emotionally charged eye contact anymore. We don't have to starve anymore, not like we used to back in the bad old days. And that alone is a wonderful thing. :D

#good omens #a taste of gold and iron #publishing #queer media

[casual-flower]

anti-shoutout to the shitheads that were taking the piss out of me speaking my native language on the phone;; fuck u lol

#the thing is #if they were like 12 i could let it pass #but these mf's were my age if not older 💀 #just baffled me tbh. like wtf r u doing at ur grown age #they started smoking a cig right next to me as well. smelt like shit lol pls #they looked like they came straight outta a roadman meetup in mcdonalds yk #idk if i should tag this as vent and xenophobia but i will just in case #vent #xenophobia #i also dont know whether to delete this later or not;; idk man #my post

[haootia]

my dad chickened out by ******* ******* when i was 10 bc knowing some of the shit i know about him now i would have dragged his ass to hell PERSONALLY. im sorry but its the truth </3

#he was kinda cringe tbh. like ok the real vent post is in the tags but i did have good memories w him but like... sometimes my mom #just drops these random facts about him into conversation and im like. sorry WHAT #and i know for sure she is not giving me the whole truth on some of this shit but idk who she thinks shes protecting? #he is Dead and i already hate him sorry. can you like be truthful about whether or not he uhhhh ********* ** ****** ** *** ** ***?????? #like this is kind of a Big Deal idk whatever maybe ill never know. but fuck him. #he did build a mean chicken coop though

[chubsonthemoon]

tagged by @storybookprincess!! (thank you!!) here are some of my fave fics I’ve written! tbh this was kinda difficult; I am very aware that nothing I write is neither perfect nor very polished (it wouldn’t be even remotely fun for me if I tried to do that), but mostly everything I’ve written I’ve written for the sole audience members of me myself and I (and also sometimes a friend :3), so these are some of my more recent faves. under a cut because this got kinda long, whoopsie!

tagging! @superish, @dodici12, and @owletstarlet! <3

Letters from Heaven: haikyuu!!, kagehina, 60k

this fic was written for last year’s kghn big bang and it was so fun! It’s the longest thing I’ve written yet, and boy oh boy it was such a challenge to juggle a bunch of different things that I hadn’t done on this kind of scale before, like longer character arcs and, especially given that this is a violet evergarden AU, describing things in a way that fits with kyoani’s style and VibeTM. My last longer fic, thy kingdom come, was about half this length and almost made the list simply because of how bonkers it was (like I hadn’t written at all that year and suddenly signed up for a big bang and then had to take a month long break in the middle because of school stuff, and then boom I ended up writing the latter half of it a few days before the deadline LOL), but anyway. It’s not perfect (nothing is!) but it’s chock full of recurring metaphors and long-winded descriptions about the sky and pining out the wazoo (basically: all wildly self-indulgent things catered to me and me alone) and I love it all the same. (also bajillion thanks to janine for this one heh she is to blame for most of my kghn madness)

over the edge (of all our knowings): hunter x hunter, killugon, 13k

okay this one almost went to my other killugon fic again bc everything I write is so self-indulgent but!! this fic is probably one of the few fics that I set out to write very intentionally? that sounds weird, hmm how to explain. I tend to write fic mostly to let out Emotions but tbh it’s so much easier and way more fun for me to do that through reading other people’s works--less work for me to read abt my faves than to write them, after all! so most of what’s on my profile before this fic is exactly that: I sat down at like one in the morning with my notebook and fever-dream scribbled out a oneshot that I spent maybe the next two or three days typing up, reading over once, and then yeeting it up onto the archive. but not with this fic! I had already written my Vent fic for the boys in question, but my goals with this fic were more deliberately geared towards examining and changing up my approach to writing: 1) I really wanted to explore gon after the world tree and what his healing might look like, but gon is Really Hard for me to write (the boy is so!! ARGHSLKDFJ). So: deeply inhabiting unfamiliar character pov practice. Asking myself, after every single line of dialogue and event and inner monologue, how this character would react and why. How will this impact their next action? How will it impact their relationship with this other character? How about this? and this? and so on and so forth 2) I wanted to find a balance with my metaphors on both a sentence by sentence and an overarching basis (I tend to just go for the first--I can’t help it I love purple-y prose jslkdfj). 3) Time!! I also went a lot slower with this one. Every night for over a month, writing a little bit at a time in my notebook. And I found that going slower...is actually really nice? Takes a lot of the stress away. tldr; this fic was basically one long exercise in me examining my writing (also ngl my creative writing professor’s feedback on my work for class really kickstarted this LOL) and boy oh boy was it satisfying to see it posted when I finished. I learned a lot! Also I got some of the kindest comments that made me tear up, which was so wonderful. god this got long okay moving on.

your heart, bright heart: natsume yuujinchou, tanunatsu & gen, 7k

after over a year of quarantine I’ve read more fic than I ever have in my LIFE and I have figured some stuff out about what makes me go absolutely bonkers, writing-wise. this fic was an attempt, after several months of reading literally hundreds of fics across dozens of fandoms and relationships and pairings (like geeze! hxh, run with the wind, hq, yuri on ice, the great pretender, ouran highschool host club, snk, mdzs, final fantasy xv, and yes natsuyuu too LOL), an attempt at making myself go bonkers, if you will. and I still can’t quite put my finger on what it IS but I know it has something to do with the naming of things. like an author will Name a Thing, very specifically, whether it is an action or a character thought or something very simple about the environment--and that something speaks volumes about the character and their relationships and the core themes of the series and it’s like. it’s like there’s a moment of understanding between that character and the reader, an oh! I know what that means. it’s wonderful and I’m butchering the explanation here but anyway. I still have no idea how to do this myself yet but goddammit I’m gonna get there one day. This fic was my first attempt in the Naming of Things. idk if there are any oh! moments in it myself, but natsuyuu is the perfect series for the kind of quiet that I think you need for those small moments. 

holy SHIT this got long uh. if you’ve made it this far--thank you?? this was also useful for me to articulate what the hell I’m doing in hamsterland. Recently a visiting poet came to one of my classes at university and talked about language-making as a physical art. Language has a physical existence, she said; it leaves the body and enters another and causes a physical reaction in both speaker and listener. She talked about how writers are creators of physical things, and how writing is mostly thinking before the creating. The physicality of language. To say it made me lose my marbles is an understatement!! tldr; there’s so much inspiration everywhere, and I wanna write more!!! So I’m gonna!!

#tag game #rambling #my fic

[kaibacorpbros]

3 6 9 10

| Mun Views |  3. On smut.

「When it comes to others writing it/on dash etc--so long as it’s tagged and tagged something relatively easy to tag instead of a bazillion emojis that I have to do some witchcraft to highlight and put into my filtered tags--go for it. I don’t mind other people doing it so long as I have a choice on whether or not to view it, because often I am just not in the mood to see that/it downright repulses/squicks me. 」

As for myself--people that follow me should know off the bat that (romo) shipping and / or smut are not my goal or primary purpose to RPing. I’m here to write a story first and foremost. While romo and sex may be a part of that story and may be pretty important part for SOME muses, I hate the idea that it is the end all be all. Romance or sex is NOT a need. You can live fine and dandy without it, but that’s all a rant on amatonormativity for another day.

I’m not a huge fan of it due to being sex-repulsed most of the time, though I have done it a few times, in private disc.rd RP which is the only place I’ll ever do it and only with Mun’s I’ve known for a while and trust. I’m not against it though, don’t get the wrong vibe, I just don’t do it often compared to other RPers and don’t like to do it just for the heck of it? It is kind of “simpler” RP I suppose because it’s not as tied to a character arc usually or some intricate plot? So it can be a nice break from the latter here and there, but I still like there to reason behind it if that makes sense? Like, use it as a chance to explore the orientation of the muses or deepen or harm their intimacy levels with each other, establish boundaries between the two of them, etc. Not just write it because “ooo hawwwttt” 

Though have it be noted with plotting I’m not against more complex things or muses figuring out where they stand on this matter. 

I.e. my Jou muse is Aromantic but not Asexual, so for example I wouldn’t be against exploring him being conflicted at first with sex and romance appearing inherently connected and then realizing after a one-night-stand he finds another character physically attractive, but he’s not in love with them. But again, with plotting.

When in doubt, (and this goes for shipping in general as well) if we’ve been mutuals for a while and have some interactions and chemistry between our muses ask, and just be clear with me instead of trying to drop hints or whatnot, that confuses me more and usually aggravates me tbh. I’d rather people just be up front about things so there’s clear communication.

Salt thing though: I will say I dislike blogs that revolve around sex and romance for the most part. Like... don’t yall get bored? IDK like... seems kinda lazy to have the only reason your muse interacts with others is in a romantic or sexual manner. What about friends? Enemies? Character arcs? Family? Self-improvement? There’s so much more to explore! But I know, I know sex and romance sells so 🤷‍♀️ that’s enough to be a selling point for some people and all they care about. Glad those blogs are having fun I guess, but that’s not for me. I just with those blogs also wouldn’t advertise themselves as “being open to more things than romance <3″ when really all they care about and respond to IS romance/smut?

6. On ‘burnbookisms’/anti-blogs.

Do those exist? I’ve seen those confession blogs but obviously they don’t name fandoms or names. Given that the whole “burnbook” concept comes from a group of fictional bullies in a movie like... seems to not be the best thing imao. I understand having a bunch of pent up salt or whatnot, but to me you should just either keep it to yourself or only vent privately to someone you trust.

9. On OOC posts.

I don’t mind them for the most part so long as they aren’t excessive? Like I REALLY don’t need mood updates of the mun 4 times a day. I used to follow someone who did that kind of thing far too often and it just got exhausting to follow them after a while, especially if they’re feeling bad and it’s not tagged as negativity or something. I’m an over sympathizer and it just makes me feel like a shitty person if people put some passive-aggressive “no one wants to write with me” or shiz like that. Please don’t do that.

10. On URLs.

For the most part I don’t care? But things that are easier to spell and remember are always nice?

I dislike things that are clearly something someone plugged into google translate that likely aren’t correct or applicable within the context of the culture (i.e. some pet name in Japanese as a URL along with the muse’s name doesn’t make sense because they don’t really use names of endearment like they are in English). Speaking of, I also tend to dislike URLs that are like “other muse’s name boyfriend” or having the muse’s orientation in the URL or anything along the lines like that. It hella feels and makes the muse out to be SOLELY defined by their partner/orientation which is : / ew.

I don’t mind people using x’s in their URLs especially if the one they wanted was taken but also like?? Choose one letter ok? Either change all the O’s to X’s or all the C’s or something. When the X’s are just speckled around randomly I can never remember how to spell it 😩

#Anonymous #salt cw #(goSH THIS GOT LONg sorry) #ooc: Mew mews

[bigskydreaming]

lesbianscottsummers replied to your post:

Jfc. Okay, let me be perfectly fucking clear,...

I just wanna day as an inc*st survivor myself I’m so sorry what has happened to you, what these anons are putting you through, and what they will undoubtably continue to put you through. I’m here if you ever need to vent/talk/etc ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜❤️

*hugs to you for your shit as well* 

Thanks, I appreciate it, but honestly I’ll be fine. The thing none of these anons ever get is how fucking powerless and pointless they are. Its like....LMFAO, I’ve survived abuse, rape, and a gaybashing. You really think your shitty little hostile messages are what’s going to break me or shut me up? LOL, please. You’re embarrassing yourselves. The most they’ve ever managed is being obnoxious gnats that are hard to swat and annoy the shit out of me.

Tbh, its not the anons that really bother me. Its the silence about their behavior. I’ve been out here catching shit like this for years...and so does most every other survivor I know who’s vocal about their trauma and how unsupported they feel by the very fandoms that pay the most lip service to caring about abuse, rape and rape culture. Not to mention all my friends of color who are vocal about racism, etc, etc.

And yet how many non-survivors (most white, because let’s be real, the vast majority of other ‘antis’ who are non-survivors themselves are people of color due to the overlap between people who fetishize and invalidate racial generational trauma and people who fetishize and invalidate survivor trauma of all types and individuals).....like, time and time again, you hear about ‘anti’ behavior and how disruptive it is to fandoms....with this signalboosted and perpetuated by people who just claim they want to ‘stay out of it’ and be civil and mannered and can’t we all just get along....

Well, no. We fucking can’t.....because the day some of us, whether survivors, people of color, nonbinary or trans individuals, started to say “hey, there are elements of fandom that actively are HARMFUL and ostracizing to us” a lot of people decided they just didn’t want to hear that, and only peeked their heads up to acknowledge when ‘antis’ rocked the boat a little too loudly.

But yeah, its only us who go around harassing people, never the other way around. At least, that’s the impression anyone would get from looking at any of the blogs of people who just want everyone to be nice and civil to each other....but only seem to get the alert when that goes in the direction that requires zero action on their part.

I mean, just speaking strictly to matters pertaining to being an abuse/rape survivor, I’m just so fucking sick of hearing all the lip service about how “I support survivors”.....from people who then make it clear that only is actionable for them WHEN NO ACTION IS ACTUALLY REQUIRED.

Hence why there’s always that tiny little qualifier in arguments around various forms of ‘anti’ discourse.....stuff pertaining to rape, incest and pedophilia fetishization....so many people when they say they support survivors in fandom ACTUALLY seem to mean “well I really MOSTLY support the survivors who say they write these things to cope, because even though I don’t ship or read or write these things myself, I support their right to do so, as opposed to those other ‘anti’ survivors’ right to have fandom experiences that don’t require being IMMERSED 24/7 in romanticized reminders of their own traumas.’

*Shrugs* I’m sick of it. I’ve watched it happen for YEARS, being right in the middle of it, and no one can tell me this isn’t EXACTLY what’s been happening for all this time, and why so many fandoms have remained exactly the way they are, problems and all, with zero effort to change or be more inclusive of all the people on the margins for various reasons saying “HEY WHAT ABOUT US”....and then turning around and patting themselves on the back for being so civilized, so courteous, so ABOVE descending into the kind of barbaric behavior that only antis are guilty of. Never the reverse. Never the things that INSPIRE our anger or vitriol as a reaction to the fact that we’re just trying to fucking EXIST in fandom spaces and everyone else who was just fine with the way things are now saying “no, change doesn’t actually work for us, because that means....effort?”

How can you say you support survivors if you never actually DO anything supportive? How can you say you support people of color if you never actually SPEAK UP for them when you see or are surrounded by blatantly evident racism? How can you say you support LGBTQ+ individuals if your READING PREFERENCES are more of a priority to you than their living experiences?

I’m not pissed off about the barrage of insects in my inbox, honestly. 

I’m pissed off by the crickets that resound from everyone who at other times is first in line to say “I absolutely support xyz! Just, y’know, in that quiet, invisible way that’s more enabling of toxic, harmful, racist, homophobic, transphobic and rape-culture tropes and individuals than like....the actual people I’m claiming to actually support.”

Here’s a “if a tree falls in the middle of the forest and no one’s around to hear it, does it make a sound” for the social media age:

“If your support can’t be pointed to, quantified, singled out, observed, identified, or in any way meaningfully proven to exist....then DOES IT?”

Idk. I mean, I just really love how in just the few months I’ve been an active presence in this particular fandom, I’ve garnered a reputation of being unreasonable and disruptive and overly aggressive....all while sticking ENTIRELY to my own blog, not going NEAR any tags, only jumping on someone else’s post a grand total of three times that I can think of....and all while my own fandom related posts are continually garnering hundreds and even thousands of notes and being spread around by people who at the same time actively avoid interacting with me as an individual because I’m ‘unpleasant’.....as opposed to all the big name incest shippers who well, even if someone doesn’t ship those icky things themselves, at least they can say those incest and pedophilia shippers are a lot less disruptive and unpleasant to be around and know how to be polite and well-mannered.

LOLOL.

When civility is indistinguishable from apathy, you’ve fucking missed the entire freaking point of civility. 

THAT’S why I don’t bother blunting myself with it, when I don’t particularly feel civil. Because its become pointless. People have fucking WEAPONIZED it to use it to silence people, and that’s so gross to me. Nobody benefits from that unless they’re already benefiting from the status quo, and the status quo is fucking gross to me too.

My question, to all the people who see things they think are wrong and never say a damn word about it...is and will always be:

WHY????

[mybiasisexo]

😍 MUTUAL APPRECIATION 🤤

HELLO~! So this is my first ever mutual appreciation post. ive been wanting to make one for a long time bc whether you've been following me for years or weeks, I genuinely enjoy the connection that is a mutual following. most of yall ive never talked to before but thats not gonna stop me from showering you with affection!! I hope we can all stay like this for a while!! im giving you a virtual hug rn and its gonna be long so dont get uncomfortable!!! bless you all and hope you have a great 2019!!!!!  💓❣️💕💖💗💘💙💚💛💜💝💞🧡❤️🖤����💟

@baekberrie - soft 😌. so so soft for bbh and I appreciate that and need more of it in my life. your stories always make me feign for him in the worst/best way! Keep up the good work!!! *standing ovation*

@baek-me-right - you say you're a suhoe I say where??? no but tbh you have a url I just know when I see it. a rare multi fandom blog I can obviously tolerate, its not too much. Well balanced like my diet lacks. Anyways, I hope that in the future we can get well acquainted 😊

@baekphia - tbh???? im still shooketh. You’re one of the most popular exo blogs and you follow lil ol me. I feel bad tho cause I'm always late to the party so you'll prob never reblog anything from me but aye hopefully my tags make up for it 😬! I hope that we can talk soon~🙃

@bitten-by-the-kai-lovebug - RIN! you were the first friend I made on here so you will always have a special place in my heart. you are also the only friend on here that has a tag name with me in it (if you ever want to revisit our convos its under rinjin). hope all is going well! I know you out there grinding! hit me up whenever you're on so we can catch up!!

@blvenight - a shinee mutual. You keep my heart full and I love your tags, especially ksoo ones cause SAME

@brokeandjetlagged - I want to be your friend sooooo bad 😭. you're not on much but your stories are a1. when I first found you I was reading one of your sehun stories and it was so similar to the one I had just posted and I remember hoping you didnt think I stole the idea from you cause I didnt!! I promise!!! anyways I look forward to more of your works and hope to see you on more!!

@byunfirstlady- you are one if not the biggest supporters of mine! Whenever I post any of my writings its def with you in mind!! I hope that you continue to enjoy my stories, cause I will always enjoy your feedback!! Thank you!

@cave-0 - lmaooo idk if I should actually be tagging you in this but since we are mutuals it is what it is. the only person I know irl that follows this god awful blog. I love you. I miss you. thanks for not reading my tags to me in person lmao

@certifiedtostaystrapped - well, you're me. I love you binch!!! lets get this bread!!!

@chaisoo - a cutie??? a cutie 😌. we love a stan. I’m happy you were able to be blessed by yixing’s presence and love watching you fangirl haha. 

@chanbaektiful - you're as multifandom as it gets and I respect that!!! Its odd bc I feel like I dont see you a lot on my dash :/. if you ever need to fangirl with someone over exo--particularly chanyeol, you know where to find me 👀

@g-exo - firstably you are so adorable. Your writing is adorable. the way you ‘talk’ is adorable and im sorry im a shit replier. take care of yourself girlie and hit me up whenever you need to vent about anything. I’m not that great with advice BUT im an awesome listener

@jeulgi - you're perfect. thats it!! haha but yeah I feel like you havent really been on here much this year. I miss seeing you on my dash! But I get it. You’ve introduced me to so many things and I appreciate the love you have for all of it but most importantly exo of course 

@jhopeismybutthole - GIRL!! we've been mutuals for awhile. we havent talked much if at all but I still consider you a close mutual lmao. See you're still doing the reactions, keep up the good work!!!!

@jodecicryforluna - live for the url live for the quality blog 🤷🏾‍♀️. you're right and you should say it!!!

@jongiinns - IVY!!!!! a long time mutual whom I love and adore. I see you popping in from time to time but I dont wanna harass you lmao. know that I miss you tho and am always thinking of you ❤️

@kais-ride-or-die - pretty sure you're inactive but still a mutual nonetheless. hope all is going well!!!!

@kanye-hyung - first I am LIVING for your url. everytime I see it I just like get hyped yknow? we've been mutuals for a while which is wild bc idk if we've ever talked but thats ok! maybe some day in the future that'll change! keep up the quality content bb!!! 

@korean-ninja-penguin - everything about your blog is so nonchalant and like yeah and I adore it. you stick to your word on bringing us quality humor and Kpop even sometimes blending the two and I respect that ✊🏾

@ksoosheaux - you're so pretty! and you remind me a lot of myself cause we the same age and both have October bdays and are both from Florida and our lil sisters are the same age too!! You're another one I find really intimidating which is so lame cause I feel we have so much in common! 

@kyungsooskhakipants - I forgot we were mutuals cause I didn’t think you followed me :/. I live for your tags!! I’ll try to hit you up often to fangirl with haha

@kyungtoe - did you change your url recently 🤔??? imma be honest I have no idea who you are and ive been following you for a while. im sorry :/. hopefully we can change that tho!!!!

@kyungwhore - you're on hiatus rn but hopefully when you come back you'll see this 😊. You're lowkey intimidating haha you seem to have a great circle of friends on here which is nice! I hope all is well and that you come back better than ever!!!

@laysoo-l - imma be real with you rn... I love you. we barely talk but I love you and thats that on that!

@mininjas - JAS!!!! now im not gonna be mad that you left me for a real life man. I understand like thats the ultimate goal. but 2016 really bonded us and I mean we facetimed each other when I was drunk and tbh nothing will ever beat that for me 😭. I miss you so much and hope that we can meet in person some day!!!

@oh-ottoke - Hello??? I feel like we’ve been mutuals for a while. I KNOW your icon haha. You are one of the few bts stans I follow, which says a lot lmao. Glad you’re doing your thing. Hope to continue seeing you on my dash!!! 

@panic-hispanic-at-the-disco - you are my meme queen!!! whenever I need a good laugh your blog will never disappoint!!! thank you for your service lmao 

@park-chanyeezy - you're not on much but I think you mentioned something about changing that???? if so it will be great to see you on my dash again. if not, I understand, be free my lil birdie!!!

@puervy - I live for your aesthetic. Everything about your blog is so beautiful. We’ve never talked before, but I've been watching out for you. Glad everything seems to be going well!! Hit me up whenever you want to talk about life or just fangirl about exo!!!

@ravyeolii - another one of my writing supporters!! You’re awesome! and we def need to talk more outside of the writing realm! Hit me up whenever! Lets talk!!

@sehun-ist - I dont think you're on here anymore but there really isn't anyone that I know that loves sehun with as much passion as you and thats the tea on that!!!

@simplesunbeam - do you know what Kpop is?? lmao well either way you have a beautifully inspiring blog and thats why im still here!!!

@sleepytea5 - dimon.... you are literally the only person who I tried desperately to get to follow me lmao. I remember trying to impress you for so long cause I wanted to be your friend so bad!!! you are one of my og mutuals. its interesting to see how you've grown throughout the years. I know you've been going through it, but I believe in you and hope for your happiness. love you 💖

@stars-in-the-galaxy - now correct me if im wrong but you're kind of one of those silent bloggers. I see you. I appreciate you. lets make this bread!!

@the-pizza-lich - STEVIE!!! I feel like you're my older sister lmao. we need to fangirl over exo more thats a FACT ☝🏾. you always speak your truth and are so intellectual yet so funny. you always have me dying!!!! we've been mutuals for a long while and im so glad 💜

@timetohajima - the astrology queen! I want to get into astrology so bad ever since I found your blog! I really want to get my chart read also so I need to learn quickly. I’m glad you’re feeling better and pray your health stays on the good side! 

@tinypcy - no complaints here! awesome blog! we've been mutuals for a long time but havent ever really talked which is a shame 🚶🏾‍♀️

@xiuminsmygrandpa - your blog is a1. its quality content across the board!! Unfortunately thats all I got so we def need to talk and change that!!

@yeolaconda - you're not on as much but its ok bc that url will forever be #Iconic

@yourmajestyqueenchelseachels - jbs goddess!!! You are so funny and pretty and lovely. A breath of fresh air!! I know you out there rn grinding and im hoping for the best!! next time you go to Korea tho pls take me thanks!!! haha

@yubarikai - NIKKI WHERE ARE YOU?!!?!? I miss you :/. pls come back so we can fangirl over kai more pls thanks love you 😥

#mutuals #DID I MENTION I FUCKING LOVE YOU ALL?????? #personal

[badmusesarch]

1, 25, 36, 38

1. What would prevent you from following someone?

knowing they’ve harassed/abused/bullied someone, or have been openly and unrepentantly bigoted. Also there’s a couple of people in the rpc I will never ever follow again because of irreconcilable differences but that’s between them and me

25. Are you open to duplicates? Why / why not?

I used to NOT be open to duplicates, then got over it. It was mostly, very much an ego and self-doubt thing. However I’ve been at this RP thing since 2011 (2012 on tumblr) and I outgrew it I guess. I prefer duplicates from RPers I already know, respect, and love than those from people IDK. I have no issue with people like vindictar, marvelousmulti, luckstruckleo, etc playing muses I got because I know they’re good beans and trust them to do right by them

36. What’s one thing that other people seem to hate that doesn’t bother you?

tbh I don’t know? Uhm. I guess the duplicate thing is a pretty big pet peeve to some? Which it used to be for me but not anymore? I DONT KNOW. I’m coming up dry on this. 

38. What advice would you give to someone new to rp?

- Beware of “purity cliques”. What I mean by this is the people who are like “great you’re in and we love you but if you step out of the line we hate you” which is petty, small minded, and doesn’t leave space for personal growth. (I occasionally say, I wasn’t born an intersectional feminist lmao) 

- Don’t lose sight that this is a HOBBY. It’s ok to take breaks. It’s ok to vent. It’s ok to focus on other shit. It’s ok to play it HOWEVER you want (as long as you’re not willfully actively hurting people). 

- Reach out. Reach out. Reach out. Don’t hesitate to follow first, to message first. We’re a bunch of awkward potatoes looking for penpals to be weird with. 

- Read everyone’s rules at least once and try to remember whether they’re ok with non mutuals or not. That’s one of my pet peeves right here. I put in my sidebar that I’m mutual only and yet some non mutuals contact me. It’s one rule I won’t budge or negotiate on. 

- Set up a rule page. Trust me, you’ll feel more comfortable after you set boundaries. Pet peeves, squicks, triggers should be listed somewhere on your blog so people can easily see them. 

- Tag common triggers. It’s a courtesy thing. On top of being awkward potatoes, lots of us are traumatized awkward potatoes. 

- Don’t be an abusive or manipulative douche. or if you are try to work on those traits of yours and better yourself. It’s tough but I personally hate seeing passive aggressive posts on the dash trying to guilt people. I do understand we’re flawed humans though and won’t unfollow for it. Just. Try to avoid. (However we all have bad days, and some of us have mental illnesses, and it’s okay to vent) 

- unfollow and block and disable anon if it makes you feel better. Don’t feel guilty over it. It’s all good. We’ve all been there at some point. I wouldn’t take it as a personal slight. 

#ask: mun #thecorteztwins

[shyheadbanger]

im not happy abt that ending

this is just a vent post so sorry if it accidentally ends up in the tags for a certain character & ship that im trying to censor out

if you liked the ending hey good for you have fun with that im glad you did. there are a lot of things i genuinely enjoyed about endgame but i just wanted to write out my negative feelings about that ending bc while the way thors character was treated genuinely made me upset this is what i feel most comfortable talking about on my blog

beware: endgame spoilers!!!

i wanna start by saying i actually love p*ggy c*rter so much & i like st*ggy in some circumstances but rn the ship upsets me bc it just reminds me of that ending. like i feel kinda similar to before aou where i genuinely liked br*cen4t until the movie cam out, then i hated the ship, but im back to liking it in some circumstances but def ignoring canon decisions bc they were Not Good. i know i probably will end up being ok with st*ggy again but for now its in my serious NOTP area bc just thinking about it makes me upset

ok so im not happy with steve going back to live his life with p*ggy it feels so wrong esp since hes erasing the life she had after she had very much moved on. it feels like she has no agency in whether or not she gets to decide her future bc it seems like steve decides for her & therefore decides for her whole family. whole people have now never been born & honestly it makes the st*ron kiss in cacw so much worse bc steve has now made out with his own niece. like we dont see him truly grieving for the friends he lost in iw but for some reason hes super hung up on p*ggy now.

it also gives two potential alternatives to steves character, neither of which im a fan of tbh:

he does very little to change the past to ensure the future. i am not a fan of this bc it means that steve rogers sat idly by while hydra was growing inside of shield & while bucky was being actively tortured let alone having him try to stop other issues. it feels like a giant “fuck you” to the same guy who says “if i see a situation pointed south i cant ignore it” & “i dont like bullies. i dont care where theyre from.” that steve rogers could NEVER sit idly by while all that shit is going down. in cacw, we see bucky actively struggling with his self worth & he tells steve that “[he doesnt know if he’s] worth all this”, whether it be steves time, his care, whatever & then steve goes & proves him right by leaving him. even though ill admit im more of a stucky shipper, it doesnt matter how you see steve & buckys relationship, if he even slightly cared about bucky & even just looking at the fact that if this is the true path then he actively chose to do nothing with regards to his torture. im sorry but if this is who the writers claim he is then he should not be worthy of mjolnir or even p*ggy’s love bc that would say a whole lot about his character & i truly dont believe she could love a man who would do that to supposedly his best friend. this would not be steve rogers.

he actively changes things in accordance to what we know his character to be. he saves bucky, stops hydra, who knows what else, certainly not us. this means that even through all those changes the timeline would branch so little that it would let him come back to that timeline, which means that hydra are the most pathetic villain organization to exist because for everything hydra tried to do there was so little impact on the world. this undermines hydras use narratively as villains and also devalues buckys suffering and p*ggy’s achievements in the original timeline. it basically means that these powerful & important characters & everything they do is pretty much meaningless & has no impact or value. fuck that too.

honestly i have no conclusion for this post im just pretty unhappy with this characterization. honestly aside from the implications of the st*ggy relationship in the movie i loved steves character. ill admit i mostly had a lot of fun. maybe another day ill post about what bothers me about thors character but tbh thats really super personal for me & not just me being upset about canon so idk

#marvel #endgame spoilers #endgame salt #steve rogers #shy speaks for once

[unproduciblesmackdown]

Hi!! So this is an honest question so i hope it doesnt come off as rude or anything- but doesn't the thought that everything you post here can be reblogged make you more reserved or anything? Idk how to explain it but whenever i wanna post something here i think about doing it for a super long time to be sure i want it to possibly be on the internet forever- but i see you're comfortable with sharing pretty personal stuff so i was just wondering if it affected you any way or maybe it was just me?

lmaooo it’s cool!!! there’s an unending AMA going on here and off the top of my head i can’t think of anything off-limits to ask about

it’s definitely not just you!! out of the ppl i know off the top of my head i’m probably really far and away doing the Most airing my bullshit. if you ultimately don’t like the idea of stuff just kinda sitting around to be seen by Anyone, that’s valid and there’s no problem with feeling like that makes you wanna Not Post some stuff

like this is especially true for young teens on the soche media…hell i just entirely threw out the blog i’d had from like 14 -18, and not because i was particularly embarrassed or anything, it just felt mostly obsolete. you can become someone so different in even one year and that’s fine and you might not want Old Venting and the like just sitting around out there. it’s definitely okay to be real private about that kinda stuff

i know sometimes ppl having sorta Compromises where maybe they’ll create a second blog / account specifically for talking abt personal stuff, and then only maybe allow friends (or nobody) to access it; or people will just tag everything with Delete Later and then go back and delete it later so it’s not out there forever, or just because they find it embarrassing soon afterwards lol

for my part, there’s definitely multiple reasons i pretty much don’t care

1. i never used to Vent post back in the early days. but one of my earliest examples maybe was this sudden essay i dumped on my blog when i was 16? 17? abt how unhappy i was at home. it took me till i was 18 to really start to realize that what i’d always lived with was literally abuse, and it was things like The Sudden Venting Essay that really helped me put it all into words and be able to organize my thoughts enough to write about it and realize that there was a lottttt of shit i was rly miserable about2. ever since then really i’ve found that when i write about something, whether messaging it to someone or just posting it in general, a ton of times it helps me kinda make connections or figure something out or just feel like i have a better grasp on an idea.3. even after i started maybe doing the occasional venting post, for a long time i was really hesitant about it, but this was mostly b/c i felt like i didn’t have ~real~ enough problems and/or nobody would really care. as for the former, well yesterday i was saying how i still have this underlying feeling that i’m an imposter / don’t count / not REALLY as ___ as other people or whatever, so i’m still working on that, but it definitely doesn’t upset me as much as it might back in the day. re: the latter—tbh i dont care if nobody cares. i write abt personal shit b/c i care. my entire blog is About and Because i care, and if other people care, great, if they don’t, ok.4. a lot of this is about having compassion for myself. i don’t look down on other people for making personal posts, so i don’t look down on myself, either. 5. more self-compassion: there’s probably olden text posts from the early days of this blog that don’t even sound like me coz my Outer Demeanor has changed a lot these past 5 or 2 or 1 yrs. but even if i stumbled across some Old Post of mine and was like “lmfao whats up w THIS loser” it’s like….well, i’m sympathetic to my Earlier Selves. this applies to like, me never deleting Late Night Sad Posts or whatever (even tho nowadays they’re never exactly like i’m upset, maybe just Melancholy or in a mood to talk abt something saddish) coz i’m like, well, even though rn i don’t feel like i Need this post, back then i did feel like venting to feel better! and that’s fine. i don’t find that embarrassing. it’s like if you’re thirsty on one day and you drink some water and at some random point during the next evening when you’re not thirsty you think back on that time you were drinking water and you’re like “wow, embarrassing.” well clearly its not a perfect analogy but the point is sometimes you might feel you need to talk, and sometimes you don’t, and both times are ok. its not an embarrassment to have been upset6. this blog is the most personal thing in the world for me lmao its my Main social media presence, goes back five yrs, and for like. well the whole five years its been what keeps me from being way more isolated than i am. irl friends have been long distance this whole time (save a couple exceptions) and mostly my way to talk to ppl has been on here. this was especially important when i was at my parents house for a couple yrs. it was fairly awful and being able to be in touch w ppl and being able to SAY it was awful was clearly important, and i became more inclined to write abt shit rather than hold myself back b/c my being able to say anything was important7. i still talk about things b/c being able to say anything here to people in the outside world is important8. i can’t be like “i cant talk abt this b/c its not important/interesting enough” coz if i did i wouldn’t talk abt anything. i just write b/c i have things to say, and this is my pointless blog9. i don’t expect i’ll ever become Well Known in any circles. for me the more likely concern is kinda disappearing either due to dying or incarceration or some other shit scenario. the times i talk on here are good b/c that hasnt happened yet and i have the option10. even if i did become well known, i don’t really care.11. also for uh…all the times i was living in my parents house thru my life i was really really isolated. for eons i was used to nobody knowing shit abt me and keeping p much all my thoughts to myself. nowadays this blog is what lets me be able to sorta Known and Seen and able to get in touch w ppl if we wanna. basically, there’s nothing TOO personal. i’m not even trying to push myself to “overshare” coz like i said, p much nothing is offlimits. i’ve just had a lifetimes worth of being very invisible and unknown to anyone12. actually i can still be very cagey abt myself in person. learning to be more open On Here is a bit helpful for that. 13. idk that anyone else would give a shit about old vent posts from me either. when i talk abt me im talking abt *me*, its really not even vaguely interesting when removed even one degree from that specific context. 14. maybe there’s the chance some shit will happen to be Relatable to other ppl and somehow helpful to them15. for example, a lot of how i realized i was actually experiencing abuse for real was thru anecdotal / qualitative posts abt it. sometimes there’s shit you think is Just You only b/c nobody else who it applies to is talking about it yknow16. maybe making it seem less a big deal to talk abt your bullshit if i unapologetically talk abt my bullshit17. i remember my younger self feeling like i didnt ~deserve~ to talk abt my own thoughts & feelings the way other ppl did coz mine weren’t as good, so i kinda do it for them / in celebration of no longer feeling that way18. i actually like to talk. i just usually can’t. irl i very very very very rarely talk at length about myself, i don’t talk much at all. for me this is where i get to talk19. hmm i may have skipped or forgotten something obvious but hey. for now, there’s this. no-limits milo they call me

#long post ///

[saphore]

saphore’s long ass mutual appreciation post (pt. 2)

i recently reached my follower goal so i decided to make an appreciation post for my mutuals! This is part 2 uwu

@bam-hera : oh my god you are every blog’s dream follower. We don’t message each other often but I feel I’ve learned so much about you from your asks, and I appreciate how interesting your questions always are. I can tell we really connect in our views on art and I always look forward to seeing the paintings and artists you suggest I look into. One of the main reasons I started this blog was to expose myself to art and you’ve been a huge part of helping me with that. I’m going to try to tag you in more art because I want to interact with you as much as you interact with me. ilu Oscar, u little gay.

@jenomutual : rosie stop reblogging my horny on main posts we get it u need benis. Uhhhhh but in all seriousness I love interacting with you, your url is all too accurate because you rlly are a service top when it comes to your mutuals. You are so kind and I feel that your ask games and stuff are always really interactive and it’s refreshing to have someone I feel like I don’t have to message in order to connect with, if that makes sense? Also ive only just began my career as a jeno stan and that’s probably your fault so thank your for your donations to my death.

@astrobee : ah yes, my emotional support mutual. First of all you’re one of my favorite aesthetic blogs because from the moment I made you an archive mb, I’ve admired the way you organize the various aesthetics under the same blog. It’s a system I haven’t seen before and I find it really impressive. Both of us have helped each other during hard times; you let me vent about my breakup and I let you vent about family problems. It��s nice to have someone to talk to about these things. I hope you’ve been doing well these days and I’m always going to be here for you to talk to. Thank you angel <3

@peachyjenos : iSAISAISA MY DAUGHTER! You’re a lot younger than me but I still feel that you’ve been a positive influence on me. Something about you is very calming and you’re someone I know is always there for me to talk to. Every comment I see from you makes me happy because it lets me know that there is someone who is listening to what I’m saying. A lot of times we have trouble understanding each other and where that would probably be an issue for most friends, I find it kind of funny and endearing just because you’re so lighthearted about it. You’re a great person I have faith that you’re going to become an even greater person as you grow. I wuv u.

@seofthours : you know I don’t even think we’ve messaged each other? but I feel joy every time I see your posts on my dash. I’ve said this before but you’ve always given me really soft nostalgic vibes and the whole soft stan mode you’re always on is just adding to that. Even before we were mutuals I saw you lurking around on other mutual’s blogs and I could already see how sweet you were. Lily, you’re so kind to me and idk if I deserve it but it does make me feel like I’ve got some really warmhearted friends on this site. Thanks babe uwu!

@kunsleo : ai, I’m sure you’d be pleased to know that you are truly my token slytherin mutual. The bitchiness is palpable and I fucking love it. You’re my one stop shop for all Kun material and I thank u for your sacrifice to this china line deprived community, you are a local hero. Like all fire signs you tell it like it is and I find it interesting to see your opinions, even if they’re ones that you know are likely unpopular.

@hyucksbby: you’re another one of my mutuals where although you’re a bit younger, I can already tell that you’re so talented and I’m looking forward to seeing you grow. I wish you a lot of luck with your writing because I have so much respect for all fan creators whether it be art or literature. I find it really impressive that you are able to keep coming with scenario’s and moodboards and I hope that you are able to continue being such a great creative influence on this community in the future <3

Mutuals that I want to get closer to

@0mile: I absolutely love your blog because you’re one of the only other light aes nct blogs that i’ve seen. Your blog is so pretty but you also seem really funny so I’d love to interact with you more.

@cupidjohnny: tbh I still find you intimidating because you’re a god and your aesthetic is great but at the same time id love to have a chat with u on my chemical romance where I don’t have to pretend im not still stuck in 2008.

@vampireseo: we became mutuals really recently but you’ve been sending me art which is the key to my heart and I know youre  fan of noel and cody so I’m sure we will become closer soon enough

@yvesgrl: both of us have had some rough moments that we’ve talked about recently and I think that’s a good start but I’d also love to talk to you about your interests and passions in the future so that we can learn more about each other.

@wlwhyuck: korin!! I love all dream biased mutuals, they always have the best personalities and you are no exception. I just started a relationship (long distance) and looking at you and z makes me happy to see you two doing so well together, it gives me a lot of hope for my own relationship <3

#im an asshole so this is the sweetest thing i will ever do #i love you all so much uwu

[jocelynships]

Not about anyone here but fucking HELL can random blogs stop reblogging my fucking personal posts, which are often times vents. I’m sick and fucking tired of shit that shouldn’t get reblogged get reblogged by people I don’t fucking know thinking it’s “relatable”. Idk how many fucking people I’ve blocked for doing that.

Again, not about any followers (or anyone in the selfship community at all), but I do ask that you guys not reblog posts that seem personal whether it’s a gush post or a vent. I usually put a tag on it, but it makes me super fucking uncomfortable when people do that, especially random blogs that aren’t self ship blogs and who don’t know me. I don’t necessarily want my posts getting outside of selfship tumblr tbh :/

#d/nt r/b #I’m gonna have to start making a banner for this #but again I wanna stress that absolutely no one here or in the community has done this #it’s all random vent blogs and it’s making me fucking uncomfortable #these people don’t know me for gods sake #and for them to reblog a vent post of mine bc it’s ‘relatable’ really fucking annoys the shit outta me #maybe I’m overreacting but I’m not okay with it

[rnjrsupportsquad]

I made a fun little post on my side blog and it started a form of war in the "comment section" uuuuugggggg, I had to vent about it, how should I deal with those situations in the future?

uuuummmm well, a big part of it is thinking about what you’re posting and thinking about how it might be received. Like if you make a post that you know is going to incite drama and you aren’t prepared to deal with it then ask yourself if it’s really worth posting. If you still want to post it as a form of venting but still don't want to incite any drama i would say don't tag it with fandom tags and use * or / to break up names or words that might have the post show up in major tags

as an example, when I want to vent about r/w/b/y things i do it on my personal blog and always under a “read more” 

And I mean you can’t control how people are going to react to your posts. But then again if you are making posts that you know are going to incite discussion or discourse, you’re putting yourself in that situation. Its a kinda “you made your bed...” kinda thing. Whether you decide to just ignore the comments or not its all about taking responsibility for your words and actions.

tbh i’m probably not the best person to ask just b/c i learned very quickly that discourse is exhausting for me and so i try to stay out of it as much as possible but that's my input on the situation.

Idk if this makes any sense or helps at all im sorry 

#mod talks #I've said it once i'll say it again #you get to decide what your experience is with fandoms #if you make a post that you know is going to incite discourse and don't want to deal with it #then don't make that post #v4ul7-hun73r

[queerascat]

i found an old post about a poc ace and went on their blog and they know say they don't identify as ace because aces are bad, basically. and like, i'm literally crying. idk what to do, that just really struck me. someone who wrote about being queer, ace and a poc like me shitting on me and telling me my identity is inherently problematic when it's the reason i can't access mental health atm, which is something i need cause the 'discourse' & the violent abuse i faced on this website for (cont)

(suicide ideation, death threat and conversion tw) including death threats, caused me to fall back into suicidal ideation. and the only therapist available to me suggested conversion therapy (i live in a small central american country, there’s not much knowledge about these things- she thinks if i can be converted to straight, i will no longer suffer from my orientation). this is horrible tbh. i’m sorry to unload but as another poc ace i feel safe around you. i guess what i’m trying to say is that this ‘discourse’, which is just a bunch of people thinking they can gaslight and abuse aces or call the ‘bad’ or ‘cringy’ and don’t want to have any sort of intra community discussion but literally deny us our experiences and be abusive, is harming my mental health. friends i trusted turned out to be acephobic, send me literal death threats. in what kind of WORLD is that fucking ok? idk where im going with this, im sorry. do you know of any ways i can deal with this wave of ace and aro hatred that’s spread this website? i don’t know how to go about it. and now in the spanish speaking online lgbtq+ community, enbyphobes have copied it to exclude enbys for ‘being actually cis’ and are calling us ‘cisnb’ after regs in english calling aces and aros ‘cishet’ so that’s just fucking great :( that’s because the community is only now starting to realize enbys exist. and it’s also learning that about aspecs, so im starting to hear it in spanish too. i just can’t escape it.

i genuinely feel like i’m in no place to be giving any sort of advice on things of this nature– especially right now when i’m just managing to keep my own head above water for various reasons, but…

i’d first like to say that venting has been (and continues to be) a significant part of self-care / coping for me personally and i am beyond flattered that you feel safe enough to vent your feelings to me. no need to apologize, anon. i don’t know if i can be of any help to you, but i hope that the very act of venting in and of itself has been a step in the right direction for coping for you like it often is for me.

i also want to say that i’m very sorry to hear about all of the shit that you’ve been (and continue to be) put through. while i haven’t had your exact experiences, i can very much relate to feeling like you can’t escape “discourse” or otherwise harmful ideology as both it itself and the effects of it pervades other aspects and intersections of your life both on and outside of Tumblr. not to mention how it feels to finally find that rare, illusive something or someone that you share important but seemingly less common intersections with only to discover that that thing or person contributes to the very thing that’s, for lack of a better expression, fucking you up.

…ah, yes. like those old posts by a formerly self-identified ace and queer person of color who now not only advocates against asexuality but who does so in a way that blatantly shits on aces of color by pitching them against other QPOC, among other things. that’s some fucked up shit, ain’t it?

cough. anyway… my personal coping and self-care strategies.

my go-to strategies for coping and self-care certainly don’t work for everyone or in all situations, but with Tumblr and social media-related thing in general i often try to:

remove myself from the source of the distress.

even if only temporarily for a few hours, days, a week– whatever, i do what i can to mentally and / or physically check myself out of whatever it is that’s negatively affecting me and do my best to turn my attention to other things. i go to Starbucks, read a book, clean my apartment, focus on a personal project, catch up on shows, turn off my computer and my phone and finally make myself food– whatever. i focus on things that are actually tangible and perhaps offer some form of self-gratification even if it’s just in the form of tasting good because goddamnit, the time and cost required to get a caramel macchiato is (and quite frankly should be) far more worth it to me than the time and (mental) cost spent giving a damn about someone else’s bullshit. or so i tell myself.

if the source of the distress is outside of the internet, as might be the case with a therapist, i cut that person (or thing) out of my life even if it’s just by silently breaking off communication with them by not returning their calls or not going to their therapy sessions temporarily or indefinitely. as i said above, that person / those people / that thing is not worth the time or (mental) cost required of me by dealing with them.

limit or manage my exposure to the source of the distress when removing myself from it completely isn’t possible.

i feel like this often ends up being more taxing than simply removing myself all together, but blocking / unfollowing immediately upon coming across something or someone that can potentially or does set you off is important. blocking applies to more than just people, blogs or posts but also blacklisting tags, keywords etc using something like Xkit for Tumblr, the native block & mute features on Twitter, etc. if the distress comes in the form of asks, instant messages, etc then i disable those things at least temporarily, especially when blocking an IP fails to get the job done. i also avoid browsing through tags, which can be tough when you actively want to find something to help yourself feel better about yourself / your experiences / etc…

when the source of the distress isn’t online-based, i try to manage / limit my exposure by avoiding the person or thing in question when possible. again, actively avoiding someone or something requires effort on my part and can in and of itself be taxing, so it’s not ideal… but i do what i can.

venting.

while venting is by no means The Solution to anything and comes with its own set of risks / problems when done publicly, venting can be done in so many different ways. it’s a relatively easy form of instantly relief for me regardless of how small that relief may ultimately be. whether it be tweeting, journaling (online or pen & paper), venting on sites specifically made for that purpose, scribbling feelings onto a piece of paper and then immediately ripping that paper to shreds, typing heatedly into a text document and then closing it without saving– whatever, it helps for me to take even a moment out of my day to acknowledge how i feel and speak those feelings into existence beyond just the mess that is my own head at times. even if those feelings only exist in the world for seconds before i delete or physically destroy them because Anxiety And Shit, it still helps.

but perhaps most importantly is to:

focus on the fact that no matter what anyone else says or does, i am The Authority on who i am, how i feel, etc.

i know who i am, but i also know that who i am is not the problem even when others make me feel otherwise. regardless of how i may feel about the things that i face in regards to my sexuality, my gender, my race, etc, i try to keep in mind that those things that i face are a product of the society that i live in and the people who insist on interjecting their own personal bullshit into my life. imho, this is as true of Tumblr “discourse” as it is of life in general.

while it may not be possible to escape society or shitty people all together, there is a lot more to society and life in general than the bullshit that we find ourselves faced with at times. i try my best to look beyond or through “discourse” on Tumblr and see the communities of people both on an off Tumblr who, like me, are against such bullshit. while shitty therapists and shitty people in general may rebrand and rehash the same old tired, hurtful shit that’s been said to others for forever, i try to look past that and focus instead on the fact that a lot of people aren’t like that and have actually learned from the past and and are better for it. i try to focus on a future where i will have access to competent mental health resources and care even though i do not have that now…

…….i’m not sure why i ended up writing this short novel of a post that ultimately amounts to nothing, but yeah. anon, no matter how hard things get, please know that you’re never going at it alone. there are others out there struggling, coping, surviving in spite of the same or similar things, it’s just that if hardly anyone talks about it we end up feeling alone in it, unaware of others’ company…

….which is one reason why despite the potential risks, venting publicly even in the form of anonymous asks can be worth it sometimes and i very much welcome such asks on this blog.

all the best, anon.

#mental health #self care #coping #asexual #asexual POC #ace POC #acephobia #nonbinary #NBPOC #enbyphobia #nonbinary erasure #binarism #gatekeeping #identity policing #discourse #intersectionality #intracommunity issues #intercommunity issues #lgbt community #QPOC #personally relevant #asks #anon #long post #i'm longwinded when i'm tired

[deadhaven]

Rules: list twenty beliefs or practices, whether moral, personal, fandom, etc that your followers should know about you, then tag ten people.

i was tagged by @jujubiest. i’m normally really bad about doing these, but her list was super interesting and it got me thinking of my own stuff pretty immediately lol jk @jujubiest tagged me in this ten million years ago and i started it then forgot about it until just now my excuse is that i was dicking around in another universe and im sticking to it

the rest is under a cut bc a) it’s fucking long, and b) im pretty sure y’all don’t want my crazy all up on your dash, so

practice (general): i hug my cat. often. lucky for me, i’ve been doing this since she was a baby and she doesn’t seem to mind at all 

belief (crazybrains): im still half convinced that im not legitimately human 

belief (crazybrains): without going into a lot of detail: scrupulosity! i have it in spades and it makes me believe weird things

practice (as an addendum to #3): i collect ... idk, protection? like i have a metal bat by my bed and a few knives and i carry a first aid kit in my bag. (but also more metaphysical shit like rosaries and salt and brick dust etc etc. it’s weird bc i don’t consider myself particularly religious when i sit down and try to reason it out. it just makes me feel better) (tbh this is probably why spn appealed to me in the first place i mean yeah sure the chars who don’t completely suck are either dead or sam winchester but by golly that home grown relentless paranoia is #relateable)

practice (addendum to #4): tbh the above is nothing new; i used to booby trap my room as a kid because monsters

belief (crazybrains): i barricade my closet because, again, monsters

practice (general): im not particularly fond of kids, but i make it a point to smile and wave at any baby/toddler i make eye contact with in public 

practice (general/creative): i started writing bc i had to tell myself stories to get myself to fall asleep at night

practice (social): kind of terrible but i save all of my discourse energy for facebook, bc honestly we complain about tumblr but any disagreements i would have on here would largely be over nuance. people on my fb (90% blood relatives btw) need to be yelled at a lot (A LOT) more than u guys do lemme tell u

practice (social): i read everyone’s tags on everything. it doesn’t even have to be my post, i just want to know what yall think about shit

practice (emotional): i bake when im upset. (i also sing when i cook.  sometimes actual songs, usually nonsense humming)

practice (general): i’ve been known to moonbathe (feel free to make fun of my Addams Family ass)

practice (social/emotional): i actually really enjoy listening to people vent and helping people with issues they might have. like, it’s not something i would ever consider “fun”, but that kind of emotional labor (when it isn’t taken for granted or demanded, i suppose) lets me feel useful

practice (? sort of??): i occasionally go for days without speaking and im perfectly content with that

practice (general): i will work on a project for as long as i can without stopping bc i know that if i don’t finish it in one sitting i’ll probably not finish it at all

not really a practice or a belief, just a fun fact: i really hate sunlight. i tell people it’s bc it gives me headaches (which is also true i guess) but honestly it just makes my skin crawl

another fun fact: maybe it’s bc i’ve lived in a flat marsh my entire life, but good lord do i love visiting the mountains. like, there’s always this sense of homecoming, especially when i get to tennessee (which kind of sucks bc the land might be lovely but everything else in tennessee is fucking terrible) 

belief (crazybrains, but nice as opposed to lowkey terrifying): im pretty sure celestial bodies (stars, moons, planets, nebulae, even black holes and comets) are sentient? like, probably (definitely) not in the way humans are, but idk. it’s a big universe, and maybe im just desperate to believe that humans aren’t as good as it gets, intelligence-wise

belief (addendum to #18): oh, and the multiverse is totally a Thing

practice (holiday edition): for the better half of the last decade, i have named every thanksgiving turkey and christmas ham my family has cooked. paul, john, tim, brandon, etc. they all get named. (though lol i tend to name inanimate objects anyway. my current car is josephine (the one before that was ruby, and my first one was clive), and my (currently bricked) phone is (was?) icarus).

not tagging anyone bc i am super lazy. pls feel free to make a list if yall want to do it; honestly id be super curious about it, but i don’t want to make anyone feel obligated lol.

#tag meme #only not #that #that took a very long time #sorry if this is tmi and i just don't realize it #also there's some mention of magical thinking and stuff like that so #if u need me to go back and tag any warnings just shoot me an ask #apologies to jujubiest #this took forever and yyyyyeahhhhh