#if i ever asked this lol

[touretteculture]

QOTD:

Is there anything you wish people knew about tics/tic disorders?

#disability #disability pride month #tics #motor tics #vocal tics #actually tourettic #tourette's syndrome #it's a common question #but people has been following more so ig i can ask it again #if i ever asked this lol

[inkskinned]

so while i was writing the book, i became violently suicidal.

this was mostly due to the fact that i had a very bad reaction to some meds and my brain stopped producing any serotonin. also i was in the last semester of grad school where it's actually illegal to feel anything but dread. so it wasn't going well.

somewhere in the fog of it i became aware i needed help. nobody was taking clients or my insurance. i didn't want to do inpatient care - it wasn't right for my needs. there's not really an "in between" stage between "inpatient" and "no care," but i was trying to do the right thing. i was trying to activate the chain of command that was my emergency plan. i knew i needed help now.

i used betterhelp.

i know, i know. i'm a straight-A student and so smart and so clever, how could i ever use something so blatantly bad. to be honest with you, i didn't feel particularly keen on it from the getgo - things that seem too good to be true usually are. also, if something online is free, the price is usually your privacy.

the thing is that there was kind of a global pandemic happening at the time and i worked 5 jobs alongside of being a fulltime student and also like writing a book on the side. it is a miracle that i even thought about getting help. i would love to tell you i had the mental wherewithal to like, process whether this was the right choice for me. mostly i was desperate. i was so suicidal that i was trying to find a reason to stay inside of fortune cookies. i was the kind of suicidal that looks like splatterpaint. i hadn't been that bad in an entire decade.

they took my data. i gave them it freely. somewhere out there, they have a dossier on me. on everything i survived. my story in little datapoints, scattergraphed beautifully.

the first woman told me that really i should be grateful, because (and this is a direct quote): "at least you're not anne frank." i said that i felt that statement was antisemitic, as anne frank's life and experience shouldn't be compared to like, a nonbinary lesbian in western massachusetts. the therapist said that i should try to use lucid dreaming to try to picture myself in an actually scary situation, like running from nazis.

i applied for another therapist. i was willing to accept the possibility that there was a bad apple in the bunch. the next therapist and i even laughed about how inappropriate that statement was. and then, in our next session: the new therapist said if i was struggling with body image issues, i should just work harder on my appearance. she spent 3 sessions in a row talking about how she was grieving, and made me memorize facts about her grandmother so "she can live on through my clients."

i am a three's-a-charm kind of person. okay, so what if the last person made me uncomfortable. i figured it was just a misunderstanding of priorities - she had felt she was sharing with me, i had felt like i had to take care of her. i applied for another therapist.

the last woman asked me to help her pray. she bowed her head. i stared at her, frozen, while she said: lord, i beg you: cure her. take the pain of being gay away from her.

i spent somewhere between 2.5 and 3 months on betterhelp. in that whole time, i was not getting the professional help i so desperately needed, even though i was fucking trying.

in the end, i survived this because i finally could get off the meds that were literally killing me. a request for a real therapist finally went through. i survived because my friends saved my life. because nick let me sob myself dry in his arms. because maddie took the razors out of my room when i asked them to. because grace slept over in my bed for like 3 weeks in a row since nobody trusted me not to hurt myself when i was alone. i survived because i got fucking lucky. because even when i was desperately suicidal, i was too old and too self-aware to take "you need to be prettier" as good advice.

the thing is that there's a 19 year old me who isn't like that. who would have heard "just think about how grateful you should be" and said - oh, i see. i would have assumed that is what it means to be in therapy: the same thing my abusers used to tell me. that i am just pretending and lazy. that i am ugly and unworthy.

betterhelp positioned itself to take advantage of an incredibly vulnerable community. it preys on desperation. it knows it is serving people who are not doing well mentally. it saw that there is a huge need for real, immediate, compassionate mental health care: and then it fucking takes your money and privacy.

i still get their ads on instagram. last night i watched as a woman in a pool pretends to talk to a different woman. they discuss her anxiety.

there's a 19 year old version of me, and she didn't survive this. she was too tired, and drowning. i almost fucking died. this thing almost fucking killed me.

in the ad, the woman playing the therapist takes a note on a clipboard and then nods once, sagely.

i have to admit it's a pretty scene. the steam and light coming off the pool water lands on the actresses. like this, it almost looks baptismal, holy.

#writeblr #the book.... #coming soon #hey so if ur someone who has ever said “you need to write a book” #i wrote the book #it's ... probably the best thing ive ever written #this is maybe too honest lol #okay to reblog thank you for asking i love u i am in love with u our wedding will be in may

[stealingpotatoes]

I feel like Kanan is the type of person to get drunk, improvise the worst love song for Hera, and call her baby girl. What do you think?

(This is canon and you can’t tell me otherwise.)

HUGE agree

(donation doodles! // tip jar)

#i actually drew this like. a 2 months ago w the ask i just forgot to ever hit export LOL (why it looks worse than current art) #found it by accident #kanan jarrus #kanera #star wars #star wars rebels #my doods

[soepwashere]

I was rereading the rise comics recently and I feel the need to point out that Mikey is carrying Raph and Leo on his shoulders so casually in these panels

#rottmnt #save rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt 2018 #rottmnt mikey #rottmnt leo #rottmnt raph #rottmnt stuff #he does ask if raph can be on the bottom next time in the first panel #but aside from that he doesn’t seem to break much of a sweat lol #add this to the catalog of mikey being very strong #he is carrying his two older brothers just like that and we need to talk about it #i wonder if he’s ever tried to carry all of them skjsjfkskfd #kind of want to draw something with this now… #but i already have so many ideas that i haven’t even started help

[batbabydamian]

hihi! i’m the anon that asked what your damijon looked like! AND THEY WERE SO CUTE OMGMG, but i’d also like to ask what your super sons damijon looks like as well? 🥹 tyty 🙏

hii thank you for that ask, and i'm glad you liked it!! here's a super sons ^^

#ask #damian wayne #jon kent #damijon #jondami #idk if this is shippy enough for these tags but also jic for muting purposes #i checked the last time i ever drew something shippy and it was 2021 asdfgh #it was nice to shake off a bit of the rust so ty again!! #i struggled deciding to keep an older Damian in the Robin suit but i just couldn’t think of anything else he would wear 😭 #so my interpretation is this is around his later teens when he would give up Robin #…my last ship art was velmilla if anyone knows it LOL my beloved tales rarepair… #batbabyart

[pokeberry5]

If you are still taking requests, may I please inquire if I could have a drawing of Jason and Tim working together as a team, please?

this probably isnt exactly what you had in mind, but i think that red robin and batboy from that one death in the family movie ending are so precious

the cowl in question:

bonus:

#sart #jason todd #dc #tim drake #asks #the fact that one of the few good endings is the one where tim shows up .... #gotham still needs him even if it doesnt need a new robin #(i cant remember if they baby damian ending was a good ending or not) #i dont think i've ever drawn jason this baby before lol #im sort of taking requests in that you're probs best off waiting for when i specifically put out a call but if you send one in #and you're polite (like this anon <3) and i get inspired i might draw something #trying to speed run an art rut rn sdadfgdfgdgad i should probably just take a break but i wanna draw TT-TT

[wispscribbles]

I want to eat your art and writing thank you so much

Haha well I'm always happy to keep you all fed. Here, have some old sketches <33

#ask #anon ask #ghostsoap #soapghost #doodle #my art #sketch #*throws old crumbs at ya because im currenty out of gourmet feasts* #these are from various times in the last year #but yea watch wisp's art style be the least consistent thing ever as they jump from brushes and programs due to indecision :> #some old aus in there too #kid au and mw3 fixit stuff and whatever the rest of this stuff is #nrftw doodle of ghost w the guitar #and beard too #also hi Gaz!!!! he's been randomly thrown in there to be glared at by ghost. poor guy #debated giving u some writing snippets as well but i didnt want to clutter my reply lol #im working on a fic that im so excited about #its actually making me write again pretty consistently so im happy

[alenkosx]

Then & Now. 

“She likes you.”

“She didn’t at first.”

#swedit #jsedit #swjsedit #jedisurvivoredit #gamingedit #jfoedit #merrical #cal x merrin #cal kestis #nightsister merrin #merrin #jedi fallen order #jedi survivor #mine #jedi survivor spoilers #i'm so glad i replayed jfo recently so i can gif it too lol #anyway i've had this in my head ever since i got kata #asking about cal and merrin in my playthrough #my kinda ship you know? :') #1000 #2000 #3000

[zarla-s]

Think you’ll ever draw/write Luisely again? :0

it's been 3000 years........

[patreon]

#asks and answers #tyytanb0n3d #luigi #prince peasley #luisley #or pxl as we used to call it back in the day #z art #man it's so much easier for me to draw luigi now #if i ever need a reminder of how far i've come then this is it lol #mario & luigi superstar saga #superstar saga

[inumbrapugnabimus-maybe]

Another @linkeduniverse panel redraw!

@bluevaractyl, sorry this took so long!!

Version without the text and also the og panel under the cut :)

Tbh the main reason this took so long was because out of all the panels you sent me I accidentally chose the one with rather complex hands 🤦‍♀️

I have a whole new level of respect for Jojo now XD

#This was so fun though #I have like one or two more panel redraws and hopefully I’ll be quicker about them lol #my art #art #linked universe #lu #linked universe fanart #linkeduniverse #lu four #lu wild #asks and such #Lu fanart #linked universe four #four linked universe #wild linked universe #linked universe wild #comic panel redraw #panel redraw #lu panel redraw #sorry about my handwriting btw XD #Ok but can I just say Wild’s color scheme is like the best thing ever #It makes me very happy #Also I colored four and wild about 3 weeks apart and I feel like there’s a difference :(

[frogisanut]

gammastuck au !

au with my friend that goes something like "earth c kids discover glitched version of sburb and the codes goes so wild that caretakers and beta kids are switched so badly that these are completely different versions"

eM - "mom lalonde" mF - "bro strider" eN - "dad egbert" fN - "bec"

#homestuck #homestuck au #bro strider #mom lalonde #dad egbert #becquerel #june egbert #well at least mention of them ig? #anyway i might answer some questions if they are going to be asked lol #frogisanut-issuesh gammastuck #miss them so much actually like the best designs i ever made

[evercelle]

Hi!! I'm a big fan of your work and I was just wondering how you plan out compositions?

for me, the story/concept/feeling u wanna convey is the basis for all composition! technical components like line weight, posing, coloring, etc. are all in service to "what is the image supposed to say?"

example: wanted to draw valentines-themed saiou, so i drew them in a chocolate box! ...but it was kind of unsatisfying, so i re-drew ouma and moved some bg elements to try to make a more balanced and interesting composition.

posing reflects a lot of a personality, so "how does the pose express the character's own personality/feelings towards the other?" prompts ideas for how to arrange the composition. like in this case... western valentine's theme -> if ouma had cupid''s arrow? -> needs more distance to nock and draw -> ouma perching on/pinning saihara down. that's the flavor -> then, rearrange the ribbons and treats to follow the flow...

i'll also check layout and values throughout: for example, after finishing fontaine's aq, i wanted to draw smth about furina & focalor's partnership, and focalor controlling her from the shadows... so the concept was "a dance where you can't relax from your partner's lead."

the lineart's a hot mess, but the spotlight helps divide the image, direct the focal point and ties into the aq story.

tl;dr: pose, sightline and visibility are the key traits i focus on in a draw, but the bottom line is always "story" first. hope this helps... even a little bit (':

#ASK EVER #i feel like someone asked me about composition before but i can't find that ask. sorry... #the other aspect that drives all my poses and comps is just “how much can i twist these two characters into each others personal space” lol #or the third option “theres a lot of empty space in this canvas... (add wings) (add wings) (add wings)”

[inkskinned]

crows use tools and like to slide down snowy hills. today we saw a goose with a hurt foot who was kept safe by his flock - before taking off, they waited for him to catch up. there are colors only butterflies see. reindeer are matriarchical. cows have best friends and 4 stomachs and like jazz music. i watched a video recently of an octopus making himself a door out of a coconut shell.

i am a little soft, okay. but sometimes i can't talk either. the world is like fractal light to me, and passes through my skin in tendrils. i feel certain small things like a catapult; i skirt around the big things and somehow arrive in crisis without ever realizing i'm in pain.

in 5th grade we read The Curious Incident of the Dog In The Night-time, which is about a young autistic boy. it is how they introduced us to empathy about neurotypes, which was well-timed: around 10 years old was when i started having my life fully ruined by symptoms. people started noticing.

i wonder if birds can tell if another bird is odd. like the phrase odd duck. i have to believe that all odd ducks are still very much loved by the other normal ducks. i have to believe that, or i will cry.

i remember my 5th grade teacher holding the curious incident up, dazzled by the language written by someone who is neurotypical. my teacher said: "sometimes i want to cut open their mind to know exactly how autistics are thinking. it's just so different! they must see the world so strangely!" later, at 22, in my education classes, we were taught to say a person with autism or a person on the spectrum or neurodivergent. i actually personally kind of like person-first language - it implies the other person is trying to protect me from myself. i know they had to teach themselves that pattern of speech, is all, and it shows they're at least trying. and i was a person first, even if i wasn't good at it.

plants learn information. they must encode data somehow, but where would they store it? when you cut open a sapling, you cannot find the how they think - if they "think" at all. they learn, but do not think. i want to paint that process - i think it would be mostly purple and blue.

the book was not about me, it was about a young boy. his life was patterned into a different set of categories. he did not cry about the tag on his shirt. i remember reading it and saying to myself: i am wrong, and broken, but it isn't in this way. something else is wrong with me instead. later, in that same person-first education class, my teacher would bring up the curious incident and mention that it is now widely panned as being inaccurate and stereotypical. she frowned and said we might not know how a person with autism thinks, but it is unlikely to be expressed in that way. this book was written with the best intentions by a special-ed teacher, but there's some debate as to if somebody who was on the spectrum would be even able to write something like this.

we might not understand it, but crows and ravens have developed their own language. this is also true of whales, dolphins, and many other species. i do not know how a crow thinks, but we do know they can problem solve. (is "thinking" equal to "problem solving"? or is "thinking" data processing? data management?) i do not know how my dog thinks, either, but we "talk" all the same - i know what he is asking for, even if he only asks once.

i am not a dolphin or reindeer or a dog in the nighttime, but i am an odd duck. in the ugly duckling, she grows up and comes home and is beautiful and finds her soulmate. all that ugliness she experienced lives in downy feathers inside of her, staining everything a muted grey. she is beautiful eventually, though, so she is loved. they do not want to cut her open to see how she thinks.

a while ago i got into an argument with a classmate about that weird sia music video about autism. my classmate said she thought it was good to raise awareness. i told her they should have just hired someone else to do it. she said it's not fair to an autistic person to expect them to be able to handle that kind of a thing.

today i saw a goose, and he was limping. i want to be loved like a flock loves a wounded creature: the phrase taken under a wing. which is to say i have always known i am not normal. desperate, mewling - i want to be loved beyond words.

loved beyond thinking.

#spilled ink #writeblr #personal #please don't ask me to talk on my experience on the spectrum lol. i hate how ppl talk to me about it #i really try not to write so specifically about it #bc inevitably someone talks to me like im a child #i think this is the first time i've ever openly identified with it but i've been hinting for years #i might delete this. feels big. #the thing is that being on the spectrum actually IS a spectrum #and if u say ur autistic #inevitably someone makes an assumption about ur needs/symptoms #please do not treat me differently than u usually would. like.... we can tell when you do #and like i mention. i do appreciate the effort. i do truly appreciate the effort. #but it still feels like... #when i was blind. sometimes people kind of did the same-ish thing. #they'd find out i was blind and start talking really loudly? #and while i KNOW they're just trying to help. it would be like. i'd be trying to find #the right way into a building (sometimes only 1 door is unlocked and i couldn't see the signs posted about where to go) #and ppl would be like ''OH UR BLIND? YES SO THIS IS A DOOR. IT OPENS INTO THE BUILDING. IT IS LOCKED NOW." #''A DOOR CAN BE FOUND IN MANY LOCATIONS.'' #and it feels like. when i admit to being autistic #someone comes screeching into my life being like THIS IS A DOOR.

[zoe-oneesama]

What do you think of the voice acting of miraculous ladybug

Overall really great! I follow almost all of the VAs on instagram to track them down to anime conventions and get their autographs lol.

Main character Bryce unfortunately has the "I only know two voices - Good Boy and Slightly Evil Boy" issue, which is fine in ML. It just means when he pops up ANYWHERE else I can clock him immediately as either "Adrien" or "Felix". But I've met him and he's pretty cool, at least in the brief moments we've talked.

There are a feeeeew background characters that stand out to me as Not Great, but if I was doing the characters they were stuck with, I probably wouldn't bring me A-Game either.

#I'm on a mission now to get the VAs to sign the SL covers I did of their main character #Right now I only have Mylene's VA's signature on THAT but I've met Nino's current VA and obvs Bryce #and also Keith for Hawkmoth~ #I just had them sign quick sketches I did lol #Bryce was the first ever and I had him sign a pencil pouch I'd bought and the signature smeared #and he was so nice and signed something for me the next day at no extra charge TT^TT #anyway I wonder if you can guess the specific character that I think phones it in #hint: technically the VA does 2 sub female characters so you can guess either one of them #ask zoe

[turtleblogatlast]

Leo’s natural intuition and perceptiveness are so good and subtle but seen throughout the whole show many, many times. And it’s interesting to see how these natural characteristics of his give way to other traits of his as well.

Like, him loving twists and betrayals and surprises goes hand in hand with him being so naturally intuitive.

Canonically, he knows his fam so well he can predict how they’re going to react (knowing what state his fam would be in during the base Shredder fight, being able to trick everyone in Lair Games, knowing Splinter would fall asleep after milk and cake, etc etc etc etc), and he also knows how to predict and manipulate his enemies as well (the “salami paper”, everything with Big Mama, etc etc etc etc).

This intuition comes off as very natural, so it makes so much sense that anything that throws that off would be fun for him to encounter! Provided that the “surprise” isn’t, y’know, world ending.

Moreover, this intuition and perceptiveness also goes hand in hand with how he’s secretly more responsible than he lets on, having to remind his brothers to be aware of how they appear or what may be too much for them or who they may hurt if they’re not careful.

Lastly, and this one is obvious, but these traits are also what fuel Leo’s sense of strategy, which is displayed not only with his actions on the battlefield, but every conversation he has outside of it. After all, it’s a long game to play, to appear a certain way. The Face Man is just another strategy.

So yeah, he knows people. He knows people very, very well.

And he tries very hard to make sure no one knows him.

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt leo #rottmnt headcanons #rise leo #which in turn makes Casey Junior so offputting to Leo #because he DOESNT know Junior but Junior knows HIM #or at least #he knows a different mask #one that Leo isn’t finished making quite yet #but that’s fine he finishes it by the end #also side note but there’s actually a tonnnn of times in the series where Leo just sorta??? knows what’s up??? #imagine someone asking a question like I wonder what [insert anyone here] is doing right now #and Donnie goes to answer since he’s (totally ethically) recording everything ever but Leo just answers nonchalantly #when asked how tf he knows he just gives a punchable grin and says lol I guessed

[maicrowave]

dnp literally bought a house together and still every time they compliment each other on camera we're like omgggg they like each other in real life guysssss it's not just for the cameras

#dan and phil #dnp #is this like faked celebrity duo trauma #where ppl wanna prove that duos/groups are 'actually friends' #it's giving that one dan liveshow where someone asked dan 'do u like phil' and dan thought it was the funniest question ever #and he was like yeah lol fs guys i actually dont like phil. definitely