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venomquill · 7 months

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Unattended

[A Sun and Moon/lost child souls fic. Remember when children were killed and their souls stuck into robots? This is that, so violence warning! Also, Vanny! :D]

The lights were on.

Laughter and squeals and crying mixed with storming footsteps and bouncy music to create a magic cacophony that married the vibrant explosion of colors in organic and inorganic shapes and extreme hues and vibrancy. Currently, a twelve-year-old boy sat cross-legged on the bars the jungle gym entrance tunnel of the bridge on the smaller side of the play place, a book about space monsters in his hands. He knew he wouldn’t fall; he spent years practicing sitting or standing on the monkey bars while reading. He knew his limits.

His sister on the other hand…

He heard a hard thump and a few gasps. He peered over his book below the bridge. His sister lay spread eagle flat on the floor like a pancake. A messy off-white shirt and bell-bottomed, pink pants fanned out on the ground. She popped her head up and chirped, “I’m fine!” She laughed and hopped to her feet, baring her teeth in a wide grin. A few gaps, some partially full, marked previous stunts. The other kids around her backed off as to not get hit by the girl by accident.

The Daycare Attendant ran up to her, almost as frazzled as the girl that had just fallen off the bridge. “Alright, back to your games, little ones.” The kids complained, but with more coercion, dispersed. “Jade, are you okay?”

“Yes, Miss!”

“What have I told you about playing on the bridge?” The woman prompted.

“Well, I didn’t get hurt?” Jade edged. “Miss, you see me all the time!”

“Yes, you and Onyx are here every day,” the Daycare Attendant agreed. “But that doesn’t give you any special privilege, okay? Why don’t you go ask your brother to play something safe? Something on the ground this time? Where is he…?” She looked around and then she bent her head back and her eyes met Onyx’s. Onyx’s face flushed and he hid behind his book.

“Onyx!” the Daycare Attendant squawked. “Please get down from there! How many times have I told you not to climb on the equipment? I swear the both of you were birds in another life.”

Onyx bookmarked his book and climbed onto the bridge and, after a half second’s consideration of just hopping down, climbed down through the play place. Jade’s stunt would be encouraging enough for other kids to fall off the bridge, he didn’t need to reinforce it.

The Daycare Attendant put her hands on her hips. “Now, Onyx, Jade. I need you two to make me a promise. Keep your feet on the ground for an hour. That includes using the bridge at all, even normally. If you manage to do that, I’ll give you both some Carrotdrop candies. What do you say?”

Jade’s eyes lit up and she nodded. She puffed out her chest and put a hand to her head. “You got it, Miss!”

Onyx, clutching his book, nodded with a quiet, “Okay, Miss.”

Jade turned to Onyx as soon as the Daycare Attendant turned her attention to the other children. “Okay so… what do you wanna do? That isn’t reading?”

Onyx puffed. “Why not?”

“Because we’re in a play place Onny.” Jade shouldered him. “We’re supposed to have fun jumping on stuff!”

Onyx grinned. “One book? I brought a few! We won’t accidentally get in trouble for climbing on anything doing that!”

Jade raised an eyebrow. “All you read are scary stories and the last time we read a book together you picked out I had nightmares for a month. No thank you.”

Onyx sighed. “Yeah, sorry about that. I didn’t think it was that scary.”

Jade sighed and punched him in the arm, eliciting a yelp from the boy, and laughed. “It’s fine! Come on, spooky boy! Let’s go… jump in the ball pit!” She darted off to the bridge.

Onyx stuck his book in his little book bag and raced after her. They had to take two different bridges to keep from colliding, but they threw themselves into the pit of colorful plastic dirty imperfect balls.

He threw his head up first, laughing at the exhilaration of the short run. “Ha! Jade! Jade, I…! Jade?” His smile fell and he looked around. A couple of other kids played in the fringes of the ball pit, but Jade hadn’t reappeared, nor did she stand on the bridge, laughing at him for jumping in the gross pit as she sensibly stayed behind. A pair of hands grabbed him, and he let out a squeal of fright and spun around, throwing balls high into the air and around.

Jade pushed herself back and popped into existence, cackling. “I got you~!”

“Jade!” Onyx puffed, the skin on his cheeks much too warm. “You jerk!”

His twin scoffed, her grin maddeningly wide, “You eat nightmares for breakfast, Onny. Don’t tell me you’re scared of your big sister.”

Onyx, promising himself a shower when he got home, dove under the surface, grabbed her ankles, and yanked back. He heard her yelp and the rush of exploding balls overhead. Onyx released her and threw himself up and then fought his way back to the bridge.

Jade popped up with a gasp. “Oh, it’s on, now!”

Onyx hopped onto the bridge, wrinkled his nose at her, and darted off into the play place. Jade stumbled out in hot pursuit, the hair in her twin braids reaching a tangled bird’s nest.

Onyx dove into the play structures and slipped between the obstacles, slowing her down significantly. Eventually, Jade powered through and tackled him, throwing them both to the ground. They rolled into the exposed floor of the play place, the light from the Daycare lights and glowing clouds bright in their eyes and partially broken by the edge of the bridge they hadn’t used. Jade hugged him, growling and biting the collar of his jacket, pinning him with her body weight. Onyx went limp, head on his hands and eyes closed. His chest and stomach pressed into the soft floor, but not overly hard as she didn’t push him with any strength. He yawned.

Jade let go of his jacket collar and set her chin on his shoulder and closed her eyes. “You’re the wimpiest little brother ever.”

Onyx huffed but couldn’t force too much more of a response with a kid his weight pushing down on most of his lungs.

The Daycare Attendant approached them. “Jade and Onyx? How are you two holding up?”

Jade raised her head. “Okay!”

“Tired, huh?”

“Yeah, he gets tired easily, Miss. I don’t, though.”

“Heh. Well, in forty-five minutes, we’re going to have naptime.” The Daycare Attendant sat on her heels. “Your hair gets so messy so fast, Jade. Have you tried a different hairstyle?”

Onyx opened his eyes and looked up at her. He said, “That’s the only one I know, Miss.”

The woman thought a moment. “Well… how about I teach you a new hairstyle?”

Jade perked up. “Like yours?”

The Daycare Attendant smiled back and set a hand on her head, where her hair was pulled up into a flat ball. “Yes. A bun. I think it will last for much longer and it won’t get as messy as fast. And it’ll be very easy for you both to learn.”

Onyx said, “Thank you, Miss.”

“You’re welcome. You’re a good brother, Onyx. You’re both good kids.” She thought for a moment and glanced at her watch. “So… I know I said an hour… but…” She sighed and looked back and then at them. “Do you want your candy now?”

Jade nodded and scrambled off Onyx, who huffed and got up as well. “Yes, please.”

“So polite!” The Daycare Attendant got to her feet and waved them over to the cabinet next to the fridge unit, opened it with a swipe of a card, and plucked a few blue and purple packaged candies from one of the shelves and gave it to them. The twins chorused their gratitude as they unwrapped and immediately ate their candy. So, carrot wasn’t the greatest flavor ever, but it was their favorite candy. After all, the stories behind a specific food could make its value far more than its base flavor.

The Daycare Attendant said, “Hey, Jade and Onyx? I just want you two to know that you are very appreciated and loved, okay?” A pang went through Onyx’s heart, and he decided to look at Jade, who continued to keep her attention on the Daycare Attendant. She went on, this time her speech directed at Onyx, “You have such a wonderful singing voice, Onyx. You know such lovely lullabies. Do you want to help out with story time?”

Onyx blinked. “I-I hel–wh–st–wh-what?”

She chuckled and repeated her question.

Onyx hesitated and glanced at Jade, who grinned and gave him the thumbs up, and then smiled, turned back to the Daycare Attendant, and nodded. “Yes, Miss. I-I… I’d like to.”

* * * * *

The lights were off.

Alien invader themed decorations filled her vision. The characters dressed up in suits, aliens, lasers, guns–the whole nine yards all spaced out amongst the stars and planets clung to the neon gilded maze and the beams and ceiling above. Dark wetness dribbled down her arm from her shoulder. Her wide brown eyes flicked in every direction as she crept through the maze, her nerves on a razer’s edge and ready to bolt at the slightest noise.

“Onny?” she dared to hiss. “Onny where are you?”

Muffled laughter oozed out of the maze behind her. It was unnatural and cold, like a noise made by someone who didn’t know what joy was and tried imitating someone who did. Her heart lurched and she took off in a random direction in a sprint.

“Ja-ade~!” the feminine voice sang. “Jade, where are you going? Slow down, you’re going to trip! Why don’t we take a break, and we can play a game together? You me and your brother!”

Her heart skipped at the mention of her brother and her eyes stung, but she kept moving.

“I’m sorry I hurt you. It was just a gli-itch.” Her voice modulator warbled.

Jade skidded on the carpeted ground as she nearly ran into a wall and doubled back, gritting her teeth at a headache. Still, she persisted in her running, eyes narrowed and determined against the insistent force trying to disconnect her mind from her senses.

“Let me help you. Then you, me, and your brother can spend the night together. All of us.”

She found a door not labeled as a locked elevator and burst through it. Unlocked?

“Twinkle, twinkle little star,” a quiet voice sang, cracked and thin with terror.

Her breath hitched and she froze.

“How I wonder where you are.” The voice was faint, and quiet to begin with. Onyx was quiet when he sang himself out of bad times.

Oh no! No, Onyx, bad time! Don’t! No! She’ll hear you!

Fingers shaking from nerves, she listened intently as she ran and searched. She ran into a few short sections of gray hallway and clutter and a room of technology. There was a small, gray area clustered with various random objects, both from Fazer Blast and not. A wall here, a generator there. Some color and neon light. A staircase curled up at one end. A light glowed in this last room, outshining the neon and the dim buttons and screens.

Then, Jade stopped, and her hands flew to her mouth.

Onyx’s voice continued to sing, quiet and rhythmic and hitched by the occasional whimper and muffled sob. Standing before her, head cocked so her ears flopped to the side, big red eyes on her, was the patchy white rabbit. In her left paw was a little square device. In her right paw was Onyx, chin touching his space themed shirt and his dark blue eyes misted over. Red stained his dark shirt and pants, gleamed on his cheap and shiny “Storytime Assistant” badge, and bloomed over the rabbit’s arm and leg and both paws. Jade’s stomach churned and she wanted to vomit up the snacks the Daycare Attendant had given them. Her body was hot and cold, and she was shaking and tears rolled down her cheeks and she choked on the snot blocking her nose.

Click.

“Hello, Jade,” the white rabbit purred. “Would you like to join–”

Jade hurled herself at the white rabbit with a scream. Her body collided into the patchy furred suited one and she felt her brother at her calf. She grabbed the white rabbit’s wrist and arm and bit her jaw just behind her mask and lurched to the side.

The white rabbit staggered, releasing Onyx and the recorder. She swiped at Jade’s hair once–it was in a bun like the Daycare Attendant’s, good luck with that–before grabbing her by the neck and tearing her off. The white rabbit flinched and wheezed as she was stricken in the chest and stomach and thigh. Jade’s blood rubbed on her suit and in return, bits of the rabbit’s lint and fur caught under the girl’s nails and in her teeth.

Jade tasted her brother’s blood as the rabbit pried her off.

Sharp pain exploded in her abdomen. She couldn’t breathe through her sobs and snotty nose and screaming. Still, she clung on with her teeth and nails and strength. Pain and punishment over and over and over for her struggles. Her head knocked against the cement, and she saw stars. The stun ended her screaming and thrashing.

The white rabbit stood above her, wheezing, drooping, a hand holding a knife dangling under her dripping with blood running up her hand. Jade coughed and gaped like a fish on land. She tipped her head to look at her twin. Red slithered out of her mouth and runny nose.

The white rabbit leaned down. “You were a little fighter,” she panted. She jabbed Jade in the neck with a needle. The girl convulsed and some bubbles popped out of the stream of red coming from her mouth. The white rabbit dropped it, picked up Onyx, and skipped off.

* * * * *

The bot scanned the room. The room was vast and edged by machines and spattered with papers, blueprints, and various lights and objects. Lights blazed above along with a network of different arm-like constructs curled up like crab legs. A team of people stood around the center table with the animatronic lay flat on it.

The animatronic contemplated staying still. Then, as the brown-haired one next to it started to fret to the black-haired man, it pulled itself up so that it sat. The team of people stirred–all eyes on it. It looked over them and then itself. It had a cream-and-yellow shell with three red buttons on the front, puffy pants with vertical gold and yellow stripes, red ribbons around its wrist and red sash around its waist, and gold, curly shoes with a bell tipping each one.

Tink, tink!

As it moved its hand, the bells attached to its wrist tinkled. It cocked its head and something creaked. The spokes around its flat face followed and shrunk in and poked back out on a delay since they were on springs.

The brown-haired one he’d seen walked around in front of it. “Hello, Sun!” he greeted. The animatronic looked at the man and lowered its hand. “My name is John Remington. I’m Head of the Engineering Department here at Fazbear Entertainment. You are Sun, future Daycare Attendant. This is my partner, Dennis Harvey…” Mr. John Remington went through and introduced Sun to all of the different people on the team who created it.

The head engineer asked, “Now, what is your name?”

It took it a moment, but the animatronic responded, “Sun. I am Sun, future Daycare Attendant.” The crowd gave a positive response–smiles, murmuring looking at John and then it.

“That’s correct! What’s my name?”

“John Remington,” Sun stated and again received a positive response from the crowd.

Mr. Remington shooed the other engineers back and stepped back himself. “Here, stand up.” Sun obeyed. The bells on its shoes chimed as it got up. “Good! Let’s do some practice.”

Sun… quite enjoyed Mr. Remington’s practice. He talked and he had it move in certain ways and directions and routines. It kept its balance well, but it would challenge itself on occasion, switching feet and trying to do things one-footed. At one point, it rolled forward and stood on its hands, drawing out surprise and glee and some nervousness from the crowd. Mr. Remington, impressed, and excited, switched up what he asked Sun to do to incorporate more of his weird movements. At one point, it looked up at the ceiling and saw a beam close enough it could hop up and grab onto. So, it did. It stopped in the middle of its routine, crouched, and leaped straight up, climbing onto the top of the beam, and crouching low to avoid scraping the ceiling. There was another emotion, one warning it against this action, but it ignored it in favor of its own curiosity. It analyzed the crowd, finding shock and confusion, and quite a lot of amusement. The quiet laughter was Sun’s favorite part.

Mr. Remington chuckled. “Well, as funny as that is, it’s time to come down. You can think of your own ideas and ways of having fun without being taught. That’s very interesting.”

Sun looked at him and then down. Oh. Hold on. Sun could get hurt getting down. If it wasn’t careful, it could break or bend something. Its spokes retracted slightly, and its fingers tightened their grip.

Mr. Remington’s soft voice turned stern. “Sun, come down. Now.”

Sun shuffled and shook its hands to jingle the bells and scanned the ground. Then it gripped the beam in two hands and released it with one foot and sank to the ground as gradually, but quickly, as possible until it could fall safely. It held up its arms when it landed and scanned the crowd. They looked to Mr. Remington, and the crowd itself wasn’t all in agreement with one response be it positive or negative. Mr. Remington, however, frowned at it. “Sun, you broke your routine and then you didn’t come down when asked. That’s not good behavior.”

“I could have broken or bent something,” Sun stated.

“You could have,” Mr. Remington agreed. “Which is why I didn’t ask you to climb up there. Now, aside from that, you’ve been a very good bot. Ms. Alabaster! Shut off the lights, please.”

The lights above shut off.

Then Sun changed. Its spokes retracted and cream and yellow colors changed to navy blue and white. The gold and yellow stripes of its pants became blue with yellow cartoonish stars. A floppy blue nightcap with yellow stars, a bell at the tip, and lined with white fur sat on its head. The right half-moon of its face turned white while the left half turned a nearly black shade of blue. Its eye-lights glowed baby blue.

Not-Sun hunched over, its eye-lights on Mr. Remington. Mr. Remington held a flashlight pointed at the ground.

Mr. Remington smiled. “Hello, Moon. You are also the future Daycare Attendant. You and Sun both.”

“…Sun and I both,” Moon rasped, its voice slightly deeper and quieter than Sun’s. It looked around at the team and it couldn’t help a slight bit of apprehension. Another emotion, this was Sun’s it had to be, prodded at him, encouraging him.

“What’s my name?”

“Mr. Remington.”

“You can share information. Good. So, let’s go through some exercises.”

Moon went through the same dance as Sun–almost literally in some cases. He was jittery and didn’t like standing straight for long periods of time. He tended to hunch in on himself and stayed lower to their eye level. He shifted from foot to foot. But he kept his bells quiet. Moon didn’t jump onto the ceiling beam.

“Later, we’ll teach you some lullabies, stories, songs, procedures, everything you need to know,” Mr. Remington reassured him. “But we don’t have that right here, right now.”

Moon asked, “Why can I not learn now?”

“We don’t have the things here,” Mr. Remington answered. “Now, I’ll turn the lights back on. We have one more test to do, okay?”

Moon nodded.

“Ms. Alabaster, please?”

The lights turned on.

Blue turned to yellow.

Sun stood up straight and shook its hands, jingling the bells on its wrists. “When are we going to be the Daycare Attendant?”

Mr. Remington chuckled. “Sooner rather than later, the higher ups hope. But whenever you’re ready.”

The far door opened.

Sun looked over Mr. Remington’s head curiously as a few people walked in wearing a mix of uniforms, including a delivery one. The delivery one was wheeling in an animatronic in the shape of a fuzzy purple rabbit. “…thought it gave them the creeps or something.”

“Everyone says that,” the engineer complained.

“Hey, Sun?” Mr. Remington asked. “They’re doing a delivery. Sometimes people outside the Pizzaplex buy endos. But that’s not part of your training.”

Sun stared at the rabbit as they crossed the room and then stopped near one of the doors. Moon stayed quiet as well.

“Hey? Are you responsive? Sun?” Mr. Remington stepped backward, toward the rabbit.

Rabbit, danger. Sun’s eyes glared a sharp shade of red. It let out a shrill wail. Every human entity in the room jumped and the person holding the Bonnie endoskeleton released their hold on the equipment. Sun tried to grab Mr. Remington and pull him back behind itself. However, it had just gotten its grip on the man when a powerful electric jolt seized Sun. Sun seized, released Mr. Remington, and collapsed. After a few seconds, its system went back online and it shot across the room with another alarm, not even bothering to get upright first. The engineers that came to help jumped back at his very sudden recovery. Well, if Mr. Remington wasn’t going to let Sun defend him, that was fine. Sun would just neutralize the threat before it could get to him.

The humans by the Bonnie endoskeleton scattered.

Sun shredded the velvety outer layer as he ripped out its internal mechanisms. Metal screeched on metal and wires snapped and fur ripped. Then, the lights went out. Sun twitched and ceased his assault but didn’t dare resist turning into Moon.

[NO CHILD LOCATED]

[THREAT REPORT UPDATED]

Moon released the balled-up servos and wires in one hand and safety latch in his other. Eyes still glowing red rather than turning to its natural blue, he leaped back between Bonnie and the engineers, his feet crunching on bits of metal and plastic. Though it was hard to really call what was before him Bonnie. The main body was still strapped to the dolly. Wires, gears, warped scraps, velvet, fluff, and plastic lay all over the ground around it. A jaw there, some fingers here. Its voice box and eyes lay past its feet. Bonnie’s mask lay face-down a few feet away.

Mr. Remington walked up beside him. “We have the threat under control, Moon. Thank you for your assistance. Stand down.”

Moon’s eyes flickered back to blue. It looked at Bonnie and then Mr. Remington and crouched lower and backed away until its feet no longer crunched over discarded plastic.

Mr. Remington asked, his voice perfectly neutral, “How do you feel, Moon?”

“My fingers have sustained some amount of damage,” Moon managed to answer. “Sun did not harm you. He was protecting you from the rabbit.”

Mr. Remington asked, “What would you have done about the rabbit?”

“I would have blocked off the rabbit’s route of escape and then call for security.”

“Why did Sun attack the rabbit?”

“He did not wish for it to harm you. Please do not harm him.”

Mr. Remington smiled. “I won’t hurt Sun. He was only trying to help. Come on, Moon. Let’s fix your fingers.”

Moon crouched lower. “You believe he is dangerous.”

“It wasn’t his fault,” Mr. Remington soothed. “It was just a glitch. That’s what this process is about. Fixing glitches. We’re just going to need to tone down his processing a little bit and remove a lot of his security protocols. And… maybe do something about your shared memory while we’re at it. Perhaps we overwhelmed you. Too much, too fast. Perhaps you’re inherently incompatible with other animatronics. What did the rabbit do?”

Moon looked at his scratched fingers. “…I am unsure.”

[Find more of my notes on my Archive of Our Own version. But I've got a ton of headcanons I'm pulling from here. SB is unfortunately very Sci-Fi. :( Not a lot of fantastical remanent stuff, which is why I joined the FNaF community in the first place because I otherwise dislike horror. The only glamrock I don't have a kid for is Freddy because Glammike lmao]

#fnaf security breach #fnaf sb #fnaf sun #sundrop #fnaf moon #child souls #child murder #fnaf vanny #except she has screen time and is dangerous #storytime assistant #moondrop #VenomQuill

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virtue-and-beneviolence · 2 years

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I wish you’d make me cry (but finished this time)

Mitsuya is the perfect boyfriend. He just might not be perfect for you.

cw: reader is a piece of shit and 'suya loses his temper. like 900 words. This one's for you @pulchritxde also go listen to the UPSAHL song of the same name for the vibe

Mitsuya cooked your favorite meal. He knew you had a bad day and wanted you to feel better, make you feel cared for. Somehow these gestures only pushed you deeper into a dark place. The devil in your skull reminded you how your perfect boyfriend could never tell how you felt. How he treated you so goddamn perfectly. Like you were a little trophy wife. Like you needed to be coddled. Like he could worship the ground you walked on. Being treated like a perfect little thing when you were a messy person, chaotic in nature, a walking disaster in so many ways…it irritated you to absolutely no end. You pushed the food around your plate with your fork. He either didn’t notice or call attention to it. Was giving you your space, you could just about hear his voice day in your head. Your jaw tightened.

The air was thick with a one-sided tension you’ve become accustomed to. Mitsuya was chattering, unbothered, about his day and you occasionally gave half hearted responses. Nights like this were the worst. You should love this, should love him. He loved you. He treated you like anyone could only dream of. He cooked, he cleaned, he tended to your needs, listened to you vent. He let you yell to him, at him even. He took on all your distress and anger without even batting a lash. So why couldn’t you accept it?

Maybe you hated the domesticity. Maybe you resented the way Takashi never lost his temper. Maybe you just wanted to feel messy and in love. Maybe you just wanted something passionate and imperfect.

But Takashi was perfect.

And it grated on you.

So you pushed.

“Y/n…?” Mitsuya’s voice was far away, “Hey, y/n? You okay?”

“Huh? Oh. Yeah. Sorry.” You clipped each word once again trying to bite back on your aggression out of habit.

“You don’t seem right, today. Did something happen, baby?” his eyes were soft. The sweetness was sickening rather than endearing. You bit your cheek. Didn’t he get it?

“Don’t you get tired of it Takashi?”

“Tired of what, work?”

“Tired of this,” you gestured wildly at the space between you. “Tired of taking care of me when I push away your kindness. Tired of acting like it doesn’t bother you how I don’t listen about your work? Tired of being so fucking sweet and kind and doting? Tired of being so goddamned put together all the time? Of waiting on me hand and foot? Of my attitude?” You weren’t sure when you stood up, or when the venom started to really pour into your words. You saw a subtle shift in his eyes but otherwise his calm demeaner was intact. He was patiently waiting for you to finish your tirade. You obliged. “Because I’m tired. I’ve had it to fucking here with how perfect you are! Isn’t it fucking boring being the perfect man? Don’t you ever want to let go and give me a taste of my own fucking medicine?”

“What would you have me do, y/n?”

“Anything! Anything to show you’re a person with feelings! Show me your messiness! You anger! I’ve earned it. Tell me how miserable I make you. Tell me off! Make me fucking cry, Mitsuya!”

He shot to his feet at the mention of his last name, “You want me to tell you how I feel? You’re an ill-tempered, contemptable, ungrateful bitch.” He spat the words with equal, metered emphasis on each, right in your face. He gave you a light shove towards the wall and stalked over you, making you trip into the wall at your back, “You don’t appreciate a fucking soul, you callus fuck. I could save your life and you’d spit in my face.” He grabbed your jaw and dug his thumb into your cheek roughly. He glared down at you with derision so intense you didn’t think those kind eyes could muster. You winced at the pain of his grip but didn’t buckle under the intensity of the look in his eyes. “You’re a goddamn monster, y/n. I give you every fucking thing you could possibly want and more, and you have the nerve to go and act up like the little petty cunt you a-”

You ripped his hand off your face, dug your nails into his wrist and pulled his face to yours, meeting his lips in a messy toothy kiss. You immediately lapped at his tongue with yours. His free hand rooted a fist in your hair and left no opening for escape from this clattering kiss. He swallowed your moan eagerly. He shook your hand off his wrist and brought it to your throat, cutting more of your air supply, not that you were sure you even remembered how to breathe at this point. When he felt your knees buckle slightly he let you break away and gasp for breath through swollen, bitten lips. His were at your ear.

“You want to be treated like the selfish bitch you are? I can arrange that too. I’m perfect, remember? I can fucking do it all.” He all but growled in your ear. You reveled in the bass of his voice. The red-hot ire he spoke with sent a shiver down your spine.

“It’s about fucking time you did, Kashi.”

Masterlist

taglist: @sano-obsessed @hanmasslvt @zensbiceps

#mitsuya takashi #mitsuya #dont hate me #tr #tokyo revengers #mitsuya x reader #tokyo revengers x reader #lmao fuck sorry again

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momtaku · 3 years

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I’m sorry if you’ve been asked something like this before, but what do you think about Marie? Personally, I think she was just a childhood crush of Ewin’s and nothing more. He did give her up to fight in the Survey Corps and then mention that he didn’t regret his decision, after all. He even helped Nile write love letters to her or something, right? My Eruri is being threatened and I need to know this lol, please help me!

I occasionally get asks that talk about Marie in an effort to "prove" that Erwin could never have feelings for anyone else or else that he is permanently and incurably straight.

I also get asks pointing out Erwin's flaws - his ruthlessness, his depression, his deceptions, the pursuit of his dream - as proof that he is canonically a horrible person and therefore unworthy of anyone's honest care or concern.

I recognize all of these types of asks as bait and unless I can use them as a leaping off point for something I want to talk about, I ignore them.

Your ask might be bait as well. So many these days start with "Hello fellow eruri!" in a pretense of trying to seem sincere. It makes me laugh a little. Do I seem that naive?

Regardless, I'm in a mood and I can use your ask to talk about something I want to. So thank you for that. Whether your ask was bait or not, I will answer your question sincerely.

Here is my advice to you, Anon. If the existence of a decades old crush "threatens your eruri" maybe you should stick with less nuanced characters and less realistic relationships. Read stories where people fit more neatly into boxes of good and bad. Because everything, all of this, just makes Erwin better. It makes him more realistic. More interesting. It makes him a complex person with the sort of issues that affect complex people. Like all of us he was a multidimensional mix of good and bad, of inconsistency and constancy, of sinner and sainthood. And I love that about him.

His realistic portrayal makes all of his relationships feel real and believable and messy and imperfect in the same way my own irl relationships are.

So yes. Erwin and Nile had teenage crushes on a girl named Marie. Erwin didn't act on it. He was self aware even at a young age to recognize that his dreams were more important to him than a traditional family. As a nice guy, he encouraged and helped Nile and Marie's relationship.

He genuinely cared about Nile and Marie. You mention the love letter smartpass but my favorite is the one that touched on his and Niles childhood games and how he used one of those games to surprise Nile and Marie with baby gifts and best wishes since because of a mission he'd be unable to do it in person. He realistically knew many of those going on the mission, including himself, who were friends with Nile might not return.

So we have Erwin caring deeply about his longtime friends. But we also have Erwin being manipulative as hell and using his friendship to further his cause. Erwin genuinely wanted to help Nile and Marie and the people of Paradis. He also very genuinely wanted the MPs on his side so he didn't end up swinging from the gallows. I have no issue with this at all. People are rarely 100% altruistic so if a character is they wouldn't interest me.

As an eruri, I love this detail about Marie. I love what it reveals about Erwin. It shows that he was focused even as a teen, that he genuinely loved his friends, and that he had emotions. It adds to my enjoyment of the series.

Nothing in the manga "threatens my eruri" because I don't view the relationship as a fairytale romance. I'm going to quote @lostcauses-noregrets here because she's the writer not me and she says it perfectly:

One of the reasons that I love Eruri is that it’s a deeply complex adult relationship. This is not a romantic infatuation, this is a relationship that has evolved over many years and it’s one that is founded on mutual trust, commitment and support. It’s not all plain sailing, adult relationships rarely are. Erwin’s behaviour clearly frustrates the hell out of Levi, but his trust in Erwin is unshakable, and you never question their commitment to each other.

And my favorite (and more colorful) lostcauses quote for people who don't see Levi and Erwin's canon relationship as special:

What the hell do they think a relationship looks like when you’re an exhausted 30 + year old war veteran who has spent their entire life fighting for survival. It looks like this; finding someone who you can trust with your life. If you were to ask me what characterizes a successful adult relationship I would say it’s exactly this; mutual trust, respect and understanding, and when push comes to shove, the willingness to do everything in your power to help the person you hold most dear, even if that means letting them go.

And my other favorite lostcauses contribution used without permission and not requiring any explanation:

Thanks for the ask!

#chatting with friends #eruri #I had a lot of feelings to get out this morning #ok?#thank you for giving me an ask to do that #writing is so much easier with a prompt #also lost <3333

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that-was-anticlimactic · 3 years

Note

22 with Zukka for the prompt list? Also hi :)

"Give me a brush. I'll fix your hair for you." + zukka

Zuko was angry.

He supposed that wasn’t that shocking—he was angry a lot—but the amount of genuine anger and frustration he was accumulating due to his hair, now that wasn’t fair nor normal.

It was stupid—he had to attend some dumb public event since he was the Fire Lord and stand at the side applauding politely, then say a few words. Really, he’d been through more stressful times in his life than that.

Even still, there was an hour left before he had to arrive, and he was getting ready in his chambers. Or, he was supposed to be getting ready. He was still in his sleeping robes, aggressively pulling a brush through his hair

Honestly, at this point, he was just beating his scalp.

No matter how carefully or slowly he ran the brush through his hair, it was still tangled. It still looked greasy, and even when he said “screw it” and just threw his hair in a top knot, he nearly chopped it all off because it looked terrible. The bumps at the top of his head were so large it looked like he hadn’t even brushed his hair in the first place!

Logically, he knew that his dad was far far far away right now and would in no way, shape, or form be attending the same event or see said event, but he couldn’t block out Ozai’s voice in his head telling him how big of a disappointment he was due to the state of his hair.

Zuko grunted, throwing the brush across the room and leveling the cursed object with a furious pout. It’s what the brush deserved.

“Hey, Zuko! I can’t decide whether I should wear my cobalt robes or my lapis robes. I know you don’t think there’s a difference, but I swear to you—are you okay?”

The angelic sound of Sokka’s voice caused Zuko’s face to shift from fury to a soft smile. He turned around, his fingers twitching when the brush left his sight because it needed to know how angry he was, and shot Sokka what he hoped was a soft look.

His boyfriend was also wearing his evening robes, something far too casual for the event they were attending, and it took everything in him to focus his gaze on Sokka’s face rather than his shoulder where the fabric was slowly slipping off.

In his hands were two tunics which absolutely looked the exact same color-wise, but he just chalked that up to Sokka being picky about his wardrobe (no, he wouldn’t acknowledge that he was unsure whether it was that or the fact that he couldn’t see properly out of his left eye).

Sokka’s hair looked impeccable, tied tightly in a wolf tail, much unlike his own.

“Sunshine?”

Oh, he’d been staring, hadn’t he?

“Sorry,” he mumbled, running a hand over his face and collapsing onto his bed. “I’m just trying to get ready.”

He watched as Sokka’s eyes flickered between Zuko’s tapping foot, his hair, and the brush on the floor behind him.

His face morphed into understanding and he carefully draped his clothes over the back of Zuko’s vacant chair, sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Give me a brush. I’ll fix your hair for you,” he said gently, nudging Zuko’s foot with his own.

“Get it yourself, Lazy,” Zuko muttered, but either way he shifted his position so he could roll onto the other side of the bed and reached, swiping the brush off the floor and tossing the cursed object at his boyfriend.

Sokka poked at him with his finger (and Zuko tried not to melt at the way Sokka tapped in patterns of three—it was the nonbender’s favorite type of pattern, he did everything in three’s. It became Zuko’s favorite number as their relationship developed and became not only a form of comfort for Sokka when he had his bad days, but also for him) until he got the signal and turned so his back was to Sokka.

“Your hair is very pretty,” Sokka remarked, gently grabbing a small chunk of his hair and starting at the edges.

“It’s greasy.”

“No, it’s really not. You know I don’t like touching greasy hair. I wouldn’t touch it if it was greasy.”

They both knew that was a lie—Zuko’s hair was an exception.

“You wanna tell me what’s wrong?” Sokka asked, twisting the edges of the now brushed section of Zuko’s hair while separating it into a second section.

“My hair.”

“I got that.”

“It’s not… it’s not perfect…”

And that was it, wasn’t it? The event wasn’t that big of a deal—in fact, it was so insignificant to him that he wasn’t quite sure what exactly it was, but when his hair wouldn’t work the way he wanted, he started getting stiff and on edge.

If his dad saw him like this… Zuko couldn’t help but shudder at the mere thought.

“Babe, Sunshine, light of my life,” Sokka began and oh how Zuko practically melted, “you don’t need to be perfect.”

“That’s rich coming from you,” Zuko shot back. “But I do have to be perfect. Everyone’s watching me—I’m the Fire Lord! If I don’t look perfect then…” he trailed off, squeezing his eyes shut and attempting to focus solely on the feeling of Sokka’s fingers in his hair.

“Oh, I get it,” Sokka said softly. “This isn’t about your hair, is it, baby?”

Zuko just sniffed.

“I know I’m not the best person to talk to about being okay with things being imperfect, but something I’ve begun to learn over the years is that there’s never a time when everything’s perfect, no matter how hard you plan… or brush…”

Zuko chuckled.

“But something that you can always count on is me being there; you know I’ll always be there, right? Because I will be,” he continued. At this point, Zuko was certain Sokka had set the brush down and was just using his fingers, which was somehow more comforting despite the slightly uncouth method.

“Besides, you’re already perfect to me. You don’t need to try and please everyone else anymore. Quite frankly, they’re all idiots.”

Zuko laughed. It was quiet and more half-hearted than anything, but it was a laugh all the same. He could feel water beginning to pool in his eyes, and Zuko let out a choking gasp. “Sorry.”

“Shush, you have nothing to be sorry for.”

“I just… I saw my hair and it wouldn’t—it wasn’t right and I didn’t know what would—“

“Shhh.” Sokka coaxed him into silence, purposefully taking deep breaths along the way to remind him to breathe (which was really helpful since he had forgotten).

“It’s just me. No one else is here—he’s not here. It’s just you and it’s me. And I, personally, think you have the prettiest hair in the entire world, even when it’s greasy.”

Oh, what did Zuko do to deserve someone like Sokka in his life?

Sokka stopped running his fingers through his hair, and Zuko felt the bed shift as Sokka adjusted his position. The nonbender flung his arms around Zuko’s neck, holding him close.

“You’re going to have the best public appearance in the history of pubic appearances today,” Sokka informed him, and Zuko hummed, allowing himself to fall back into Sokka’s embrace. “And if anyone complains about your hair, they may have a run in with my boomerang.”

“Thank you.”

Zuko opened his eyes, allowing his face to fall into its natural frown, but prayed to Agni that Sokka could see the appreciation and adoration in his eyes.

He slowly rose, pushing himself off of his bed and turning so he could see his reflection in the mirror.

His hair it… it wasn’t bad. But it still made his muscles clench and his breath hitch. There were some strands tumbling out of his top knot, falling out of rhythm with the rest of his demeanor.

It was so insignificant, but that’s what Zuko thought when he was younger.

(There was nothing insignificant when it came to Ozai.)

He felt more than saw Sokka stand beside him, and together they gazed in the mirror.

Despite knowing he was being self-conscious, Zuko found himself biting his lip in anticipation as Sokka looked at him. He knew Sokka didn’t think he was disfigured or that his hair was an awful mess, but that wasn’t enough prevent his heart from racing and his fists at the ready to raise to block his—

“You’re beautiful,” Sokka breathed, his eyes so wide that Zuko thought they could contain the depths of the entire ocean, encompass the entirety of the night sky. What made his face flush was that the stars in Sokka’s eyes were directed on him—focused solely and only on him.

“Oh.”

It pained him that that was all he could say. Sokka could compliment him like it was nothing, but Zuko couldn’t do any more than reply with one word.

Sokka frowned and no, that wouldn’t do. Zuko didn’t like when he frowned—more so, he hated being the reason his boyfriend’s smile vanished.

“Are you still…” He cut himself off, his neck jerking and lips pursing, then he waved his hands around for emphasis, as a way to finish the sentence.

Shamefully, Zuko nodded.

Without warning, Sokka grabbed hold of Zuko’s hands and placed them on the top of his head. He intertwined their fingers, almost as if they were holding hands, then started moving them.

For a moment, Zuko held his breath because what was this idiot doing? His hair was the definition of perfection—no strands were loose, he looked regal, the blue and red beads in his hair were perfectly placed… and here Sokka was, guiding Zuko’s hands around his head and messing it up.

Zuko tried to pull away—tried to free his hands from Sokka’s grasp because they couldn’t do this—they couldn’t mess up is hair! The Fire Nation was already terribly critical towards Sokka, being Water Tribe and all, not to mention being the Fire Lord’s boyfriend meant more publicity than either of them were comfortable with… the public would tear Sokka apart if he walked out with messy hair.

“What are you doing?” Zuko hissed through grit teeth, still trying to yank his hands away to no avail. “You’re messing up your hair—I’m messing up your hair!”

Sokka ignored him, but Zuko couldn’t find it in himself to glower at his idiot because his tongue was sticking out of his mouth the way it did when he was concentrating and it was so authentically Sokka and so adorable and—

“There,” Sokka said, interrupting his thoughts. “Now we match!”

It was then that Zuko realized his hands had been released, and he clutched them close to his chest defensively.

Sokka was cheekily grinning at him, his eyes shining, and his hair… oh. His hair was a travesty. His wolf tail became undone and half of it was falling out. The top of his head looked like someone build hundreds of tiny bridges with the way his hair had been tugged at.

As terrible as it was, Zuko was basking in the absolute adorableness of his boyfriend.

“It may not be perfect,” Sokka started, locking hands with Zuko once more, “but we’re doing it together. Okay?”

“Yeah. Okay. Thank you, Penguin.”

Sokka leaned over and kissed his cheek. “Okay, then: should I wear the cobalt or lapis tunic? I feel like lapis is a more luscious color, but cobalt brings out my eyes…”

Most of what Sokka was saying made absolute no sense to him, but Zuko knew Sokka so he knew that his feeling weren’t being brushed aside. Sokka was just trying to distract him—to make him laugh.

So, Zuko sat back down and listened to Sokka ramble about the pros and cons of each color, even though they had to be at the event in half an hour.

Sokka was right (he always was)—it was never about his hair (maybe it was a little about his hair, whenever Ozai was involved, it was about everything). He spent the majority of his life trying to live up to the standards of everyone else—his hair had to be perfect, his back had to be perfectly straight…

The Fire Nation thrived on the idea of perfection. So much so that Zuko knew if Sokka had been born and raised here, he would have been isolated or forced into muteness due to his imperfections, or his tics. It was a terrible thought that was proved true by the looks he saw shot his boyfriend’s way by some elders—from the way that some people would address Zuko rather than Sokka when they were together or ask Zuko why he hadn’t fixed Sokka or what places he took Sokka to to do so.

But they weren’t imperfections, Sokka’s tics. Zuko reminded him countless times that they were just a part of who he was, something that made him as special as he was. And he supposed that’s what Sokka was trying to show him… though through his unorthodox and irritatingly charming methods.

Zuko never did fix his hair for the evening—he wanted to continue matching with Sokka.

[this can be seen as a mini prequel to threshold of eternity hence why zuko gives azula the advice about how to 'handle' her hair and toe kind of inspired this one hehe]

'101 ways to say i love you' prompts

#saaabriel #corey writes:)#... i got excited oops #this got kinda long iugyfuhi #i counted—it’s 2.1k words lol #i just... i love them #why yes... sokka has ts in this and zuko is autistic in this wHAT #sokka with tourette’s #hehe #i am so sorry with how carried away this got lol #i got so invested and then suddenly it was this long oops #thank you for indulging me! the others will come soon !!!#we don't need to talk about the fact that i literally cannot choose what terms of endearment to use and always switch WHAT #oof poor Zuko he’s just trying to live:/#I really chose zuko violence huh #like it didn’t start that bad but then i kept trying to sneak as much angst in as i could #tw child abuse #also feel free to ignore the reference to toe (… i hate that the fic acronym is toe’) because it’s what inspired the direction i took and #uhh it's 1am and i need to pack so imma que this oops #ngl still kinda proud of that one lol #corey rambles:)

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remuscore · 3 years

Text

I'm enjoying this au too much lmao I'm sorry for the person I have become but since I cannot draw for awhile, y'all are gonna get small oneshots of them instead.

Warnings: Descriptions of a dead body, a little bit of body horror?? Idk what else. Oh yeah and since pronouns don't matter in this au, I used mostly she/they for Janus just cause that's what I ended up writing

_____________

Virgil remembers little of his rebirth.

He remembers sitting and waiting in a small dim room, filled with sheet covered science equipment and dusty glass tubes. He didn’t have the best hearing after it all― they always felt clogged― but he remembers hearing that smooth voice from the other side of the door talking about things he couldn’t understand. He remembers Janus coming in and wiping their hands on their pants despite their gloves, shaking them out to release some buzzing excitement. They had smiled at Virgil and said it was time to show him off.

After that was a blur of yelling and hands trying to grab him and suddenly Janus had grabbed their arm and they appeared in a little old cabin in a forest.

Virgil had a lot of nightmares of hands and tearing after that night. He would trace the missing fingers that someone had stolen when they grabbed his hand. Now, Janus had gotten him some form of prosthetic so that he could still use his hand, wooden joints and bones melding into the taunt flesh. Virgil often got stuck staring at them, just trying to bend the bark.

“Good morning, Virgil,” Janus said, descending the rickety steps of the cabin. Their cape dragged on the floor and trailed soft yellow petals with it. They didn’t need to step over any loose rocks or twigs, the objects simply moving out of the way when she came near. She smiled at their experiment as they put in their earrings. “How did you rest?”

Virgil kept silent like usual. Talking either caused black gunk to spit from his teeth or was just useless babbling. Most of the time it was both. It was hard to talk when all your muscles were only strong enough to hold your head up. He wanted to talk. It felt like hell not being able to say a single word since he had been awakened.

“Not going to try today?” they asked. Once their earrings were all on, they sat on the steps besides Virgil. She had made some furniture out of wood, but they weren’t the best. Her magic was more about science and spells than making things, hence why Virgil was such a disaster. “Do you want to try a ‘hello’ or maybe a ‘hi’ at the very least?”

Virgil didn’t care about those things. He just wanted to ask one thing. One syllable.

Why.

It was a long struggle on the ‘wh’ just trying to get past that point. It was already gathering spit and falling from his lips, but this is the farthest he’s gotten so far. Janus was grinning nonetheless, pointed teeth barred. Virgil had the sudden thought that maybe Janus thought he had said ‘hi’ but just a really messed up one, so he tried again. Repeating the word with more strength to his broken voice to make it more obvious. Janus just nodded in delight.

“That’s very good, Virgil,” she praised. Their hand came up to wipe away a bit of sludge that had dribbled down his chin and heading towards the stitches in his neck. “I know it must be frustration now with having to relearn these skills from when you were a child, but you’ll get there in―”

“Why?” Virgil interrupted angrily. He jabbed his chest with his stiff fingers, hitting the large stitches in his chest from where his organs had been taken out and put back in. He jabs the same hand into Janus’ chest too, making her pull back in surprise and rub the spot. “Why? Why?”

“Why?” Janus parrots, ears lowering. Her expression turned sad as she looked at how hard Virgil was hitting his chest (he didn’t have any control of his strength now that his nervous system wasn’t working. He was completely numb). “Why… why what?”

“Why!?” Virgil shouts in a volume that shocked even him. His body really is all out of control. He pushes Janus' chest this time, shoving her back against the banister. “Why me? You? Why you— to me?”

It was so humiliating how hard it was to get those words out. He had to swallow pointlessly against the gunk under his tongue. It was pouring out his mouth now. He brought up his hands to try and wipe it away, but he still couldn’t make a fist or turn his wrist to use his palm so all he did was smear the gunk on his fingertips.

Janus gets up suddenly and Virgil doesn’t watch to see where they’re going. He felt like he wanted to cry in anger, but didn’t know if he even could. He hasn’t drank or eaten anything since he was alive. Janus returns to the step and reaches out to him again, wiping away all the drool with a cloth. Virgil let them just because he didn’t feel like trying to do it himself and risked humiliating himself more.

“Why did I bring you back?” Janus said, clarifying that that was what Virgil was trying to say. He nodded with a sharp jerk up and down with his head. They sighed softly. They folded the cloth over to the dry side and continued cleaning his face. “To tell the truth, you were the freshest body on such short notice. They haven't cremated or buried you yet, so it was easy for me to just take you and bring you back. And I know stealing a body isn’t exactly ethical, but I was saving a family from the heartbreak of identifying your body. Sure, it was probably frightening to hear your son died and someone had stolen his body and next thing you know, you’re watching the news and hear about a local manic that had—”

They stopped themself and shook their head, laughing faintly. “Anyways there was no significance on why I chose you. You died from the drug I needed and were healthy enough to keep all original parts. I’m sorry I don’t have a better reason.”

She pulled away finally and took Virgil’s messy mistake, wiping at his fingers. The black sludge was stubbornly sticking to his wooden fingers and Janus had to adjust their grip on it to wipe more furiously. They sighed again in frustration.

“I didn’t expect anything like this,” they said, their normally smooth and controlled voice was now bitter and imperfect, a small lisp slipping through. “I thought my notes would at least be taken into account. They were all so impressed by the doll and yet when I showed them you, no! That is sick and disgusting! I brought a man back to life using the same drug that killed him and that was all they had to say about my findings? It’s ridiculous!”

They stop. Virgil still has stuff in between the cracks in the wood. Janus’ thumb brushes against what would be the nail and Virgil could almost feel it. It was a weird feeling. He wonders if he’ll ever forget what it’s like to feel.

“I’m sorry,” Janus gasps and Virgil looks up. Her eyes are screwed shut and they rub their forehead, mouth pulled down into a harsh frown. “God, I’m so sorry. What have I done?”

Virgil wasn’t sure what to do. He didn’t know Janus, they were just forced together now. Janus was a big question mark in the beginning but now they’re an even bigger question mark with how their morals kept switching around. Just seconds ago she was boasting about what she did and now she’s apologizing for it? And Virgil couldn’t bring himself to be angry either way because on one hand they had brought him back to life which was honestly amazing because Virgil distinctly remembered not wanting to die when he was dying, but on the other hand Janus had stolen his body from his family and he is practically a prisoner here because if he were to go back to human society, he would probably be euthanized or worse; dissected and studied like a rat, never to die because his existence is revolutionary.

That’s another reason why Virgil couldn’t bring himself to be mad at them. She practically saved his life.

She was a weirdo freak, but Virgil guessed he was now too.

So he brought up his hand and placed it on their head, making them stop. He dragged his hand slowly through their hair, combing through any small knots and petals stuck in there. They opened their eyes and they looked so sad. Virgil didn’t understand why, but maybe she just felt guilty. Maybe she should be, but Virgil still didn’t want them to be.

“Don’—” spit flew from his mouth and his lip twitched into an annoyed scowl. “Do… no’ cry.”

“I’m not crying, dear,” Janus awed, bringing up her now empty hands and holding Virgil’s face in her hands, pressing against the stitches. He knew she wasn’t crying, but it was easier to say than don’t beat yourself up about it. “At least you’re nice. I don’t know if I could handle a mean little monster.”

Virgil grunted. Guess he was a monster now.

#remuscore #janus sanders #virgil sanders #monster au #fic #body horror #tw death

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maneskinrollercoaster · 3 years

Text

~ We’re Everything To Each Other That We Ever Needed ~

Pairing: Ethan Torchio x Chiara Russo (fictional character)

Word count: 2625

Warnings: very detailed smut, swearing

Summary: Ethan finds his soulmate.

She was sitting at the bar dressed in a black tight satin dress revealing her tattooed skin. Her hair were brown, long and curly. Black smokey makeup emphasized her beautiful dark brown eyes. Red lipstick made her lips look full and plumpy. Her cheeks slightly pink. She looked stunning.

- Girl, it’s so good to see you! I’m so glad you came! - Victoria said excited reaching Chiara at the bar.

- Oh my god Vic, hey! You look gorgeous! - she said hugging Vic.

- Let’s go, they’re all waiting for us. - said Vic grabbing Chiara’s hand and pulling her towards a group of people sitting in the corner of the pub.

Victoria along with Thomas, Ethan and Damiano decided to go celebrate the wrap on their new album Teatro D’Ira. She thought it’s a good idea to invite Chiara since they were friends for a while and introduce her to her band mates. They met spontaneously in a plane to Rome and for the whole flight they managed to get along with each other pretty well. When they arrived in the airport they exchanged numbers and became good friends.

- Guys! Meet Chiara, she’s the girl from the plane I told you about! - Vic said when they reached the table.

The second Ethan laid his eyes on her, he immediately felt his heartbeat going faster. She was gorgeous, probably the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen. Her lips were full, eyes soft and cheeks covered in cute little freckles, not even mentioning her body, perfectly wrapped in a black dress. Ethan was intimidated but he couldn’t stop looking at her.

- Hey girl, nice to meet you, your tattoos are dope! - said a girl with black hair, she also had a lot of tattoos on her arms. She stood up and hugged Chiara. - I’m Giorgia - she said with a smile.

- Heyy, it’s so nice to meet you! - said Chiara sending Giorgia a warm smile.

Chiara looked around and saw three boys. The first one had slightly long dark brown hair and dark eyes, also a lot of tattoos. He was dressed in black jean shorts, black leather jacket revealing his bare torso and black Dr. Martens. Red choker on his neck.

- I’m Damiano, this is Thomas and that is Ethan. - said the tattooed boy and pointed on the other two introducing them.

Ethan. He immediately caught her attention with his long dark brown hair. He was wearing black tight jeans, black boots and red satin shirt. He looked really attractive. His jawline was sharp and his gaze was slightly intimidating. Chiara found him really handsome.

- Ciao, Chiara - said Thomas and Ethan bowed his head and smiled to her gently.

- It’s really nice to meet all of you. - Chiara said smiling.

- Okey all of u, treat her like your sister, she’s amazing! - Vic laughed - Now, let’s get you something to drink. - she said pushing Chiara on the leather couch next to Ethan and Thomas and walking away to the bar.

***

The night was going well. Chiara talked a lot with Ethan who turned out to be really polite and gentle. He held his hand on her back and was smiling to her all the time. He was a bit shy and Chiara found that intriguing since she wasn’t a quiet kind of person at all. She was spontaneous, open for all the people, happy and smiley all the time and positive about everything. Ethan on the other hand was rather quiet than loud and mysterious at some point. He didn’t like big crowds, he was shy with meeting new people and preferred to stay alone at home or with his closest friends. Chiara was surprised that someone with such an introverted personality could be a crazy drummer of a rock band but she thought it was kinda cute. From their conversations Chiara saw that Ethan was very smart and responsible and she couldn’t get her eyes off of him when he was telling her about the way he first saw drums and immediately fell in love with them.

- So you write music? - Ethan asked Chiara lighting up a cigarette.

They went out to the little garden outside the pub to breathe some fresh air and take a break from all the loud music and scent of alcohol.

- I used to write lyrics yes, I started when I was 16, there was a lot going on in my mind and I didn’t really know where to put all my emotions so I started writing songs. - Chiara said, remembering all the words written on the paper at 3 am in a hotel room when she had nowhere to go and no one to talk to.

- Maybe you’ll show me sometime. - he looked at her smiling gently

- Maybe, I’ll think about it if you share a cigarette with me - she laughed, poking his arm jokingly.

- Oh, you smoke? - he asked, raising his eyebrows.

- Surprised? - She said, sitting at the bench near the tree.

- Yes, I didn’t really expect you to smoke, but here, let’s share - he said blushing.

Ethan was looking at her closely when she wrapped her lips around a cigarette and inhaled the smoke. He was mesmerized. He didn’t know if it was from the alcohol that he drank but she was turning him on with every possible meaning of this word. He found it hard not to look at her when she opened her mouth to let the smoke out. She was seductive but on the other hand sweet and kind and he didn’t know if he wanted to kiss her gently or take her to the bathroom and tear her dress off from her body.

- Let’s go inside, Vic is going to get nuts - Chiara laughed finishing the cigarette, grabbing Ethan’s hand and pulling him towards the entrance.

*a few months later*

Their friendship wasn’t like any other you would see. Honestly, they both didn’t know what they were to each other. They spent every minute together, they laughed, they cried, they argued, they kissed occasionally, but both of them couldn’t figure out what they felt towards each other. Ethan cared for her like for his little sister, he supported her in good and bad and he did everything to make her happy, but sometimes when they were alone in the house they were completely crazy about each other and they couldn’t stand a minute without kissing or touching. He couldn’t stand her having a friendship with other boys and she always scared off every girl who was trying to get to know him. Chiara knew that something was between them, she felt this special bond, connection that she’s never felt with anyone. He understood her in every way possible, he saw her flaws, her imperfections and he still managed to make her feel like the most beautiful girl in the world. They talked many times about their unique friendship but in the end they both didn’t know how to name it.

- Hey, amore mio, what are you doing here alone? - Chiara stepped inside Ethan’s hotel room.

It was the night Måneskin won Eurovision and all of them decided to go to hotel’s private club and celebrate their huge success. They were all having fun, dancing to their own songs, taking pictures and crying from all the happiness. After a while though Chiara noticed that Ethan was nowhere to be found and she got worried so she went to find him. She knew he didn’t like too much partying but since it was such a success she thought he will want to celebrate all night.

- I was so overwhelmed with all the feelings, I needed to be alone for some time. - he said peacefully laying on the bed.

- Do you want me to leave? I can come back in some minutes - she said, standing in front of him and sending him reassuring smile.

- No, no. - he said - Come here - he held out his hand to her suggesting that she should lay down next to him.

She took off her heels and laid down in his arms, putting her head on his chest.

- Are you good? - she asked, stroking his chest with her palm.

- Yes, amore, don’t worry. - he said kissing her forehead.

- I was just surprised you went so fast, I thought you’d want to celebrate all night, I mean, winning Eurovision is a huge success - Chiara said looking up at him.

- It’s not like I’m not happy - he chuckled - I was just overwhelmed and I felt a bit lonely to be honest, when they all were hugging each other and congratulating everyone I was going through everything by myself. Yes, you were there with me but I mean Vic, Thomas and Damiano, they were all crying together and hugging and everything and it looked like they completely forgot about me. - Ethan said with some sadness in his eyes.

Chiara’s heart ached. She didn’t know Ethan felt lonely, she would never think he would feel like they forgot about him. Her eyes got teary, she wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tightly.

- My babe, I’m so sorry. - she whispered into his ear. - I didn’t know you feel that way. - she pressed her face to his neck hugging him even tighter.

- Don’t worry, Chi, it’s all good, they probably didn’t do it on purpose - Ethan said stroking her hair with his fingers.

She pulled away and looked at him. He was stunning. She slowly leaned in and planted a gentle kiss on his lips. She knew he needed her to be there for him and make him forget about all the misunderstanding. Ethan smiled to her and pulled her to another kiss. That one was more passionate, messy. He grabbed her back and pressed her body closer to him, cupping her cheek with his hand.

Ethan started slowly pulling down the straps of Chiara’s dress and she started unbuttoning his shirt. She sat on his lap and wrapped her legs around his hips. He grabbed her neck and squeezed it a little, then he pulled down the zipper on her back and her dress fell down revealing her naked breasts. She pulled him closer and took of his shirt throwing it somewhere on the floor. She put her palms on his chest and then went down on his stomach. He let out a quiet moan and she looked at him chuckling, but with so much desire in her eyes. They were both looking at each other for a second and then Chiara started unzipping Ethan’s pants. He stopped her though pulling her closer to him. He kissed her cheek and after a second pushed her lightly off of him and stood up standing in front of the bed. She sat down, opening her legs so he could stand in front of her. She looked up at him, touched his stomach and went lower slowly, pulling down his pants along with his boxers. She sighed when she looked at his erection. Ethan gently pushed Chiara back on the bed and pulled down her dress. He started kissing her neck and she let out a loud moan. She wrapped her fingers in his hair and started tugging them. Ethan went lower and lower with the kisses and Chiara looked at him with her mouth slightly opened. He grabbed her lace thongs with his teeth and slowly pulled them off.

- Ethan.. - Chiara moaned throwing back her head on the bed.

He then grabbed her thighs and started kissing her up and down. She felt overwhelmed. So much pleasure went through her body and her blood was boiling in her veins. He licked her up and looked right into her eyes, checking if she’s okey. She couldn’t stand him playing with her like that so she grabbed his neck and pulled him up. He was right in between her thighs. She kissed him desperately and stroked his cheek.

- Please, fuck me. - Chiara said looking deeply into Ethan’s eyes and he couldn’t believe his ears.

He pushed her on the bed, turned her around so she was kneeling in front of him from behind. He grabbed her hips and slowly but gently placed his erection in front of her entrance. She could feel his tip inside her and when he thrusted himself all the way in, she moaned loudly from pleasure.

- Are you okey, amore? - he asked politely leaning in to her ear.

- Yes.. - she moaned.

He then started going in and out a bit faster but still gently so she could adjust to his size. He let out a deep moan and grabbed her neck squeezing it firmly.

- Ethan.. oh fuck - Chiara moaned grabbing the sheets.

- You’re so fucking gorgeous - he sighed, harshly squeezing her hips.

They were moaning each other’s names and Ethan’s pace went faster with every thrust. They were both in heaven. Suddenly Ethan grabbed Chiara’s neck and pulled her up. They were both on their knees, her back pressed to Ethan’s chest, her head laying lightly on his shoulder when he was thrusting inside her even harder. He could feel her walls slowly clenching around him and he was also close to reach his orgasm. Chiara could feel his erection twitching inside her. She grabbed his arm for support and she knew she’s gonna reach her climax any minute now.

- I’m close - she moaned loudly.

- Me too - Ethan sighed wrapping his one arm around Chiara’s waist and the second grabbing her face and kissing her. She bit his lip and pulled away moaning.

They were all sweaty and desperate. The only thing that could be heard in the room were their moans and a sound of their skin hitting against each other. Chiara was moaning Ethan’s name without stopping and he was whispering dirty words into her ear. And suddenly they both felt everything collapsing, they came together, moaning each other’s names. Chiara’s walls clenched around Ethan’s erection and she felt his warm sperm spreading inside her. Ethan pushed her gently down on the bed and thrusted inside her a few more times before pulling out.

They both collapsed on the bed next to each other, holding hands and breathing heavily. Ethan wrapped his arm around Chiara’s waist and pulled her close to him, hugging her tightly. She pressed her face to his neck and put her hand on his chest, wrapping her leg around his hips. They were laying like that for a couple of minutes, enjoying each other’s embrace.

- Ethan? - she asked quietly.

- Yes Chi?

- What are we? - she asked, drawing circles with her fingers on his chest.

- We’re eternal lovers, amore. We’re soulmates. We’re everything to each other that we ever needed. - he said kissing her forehead. - And I’m sure of one thing now, Chiara. I love you more than this world has ever seen. - he said.

She looked up at him shocked that he actually just said that. He was smiling widely, pure happiness in his eyes.

- I love you too, Ethan. More than you could ever imagine.

She laid back on his neck still drawing circles on his chest. For the first time in a long time they were both sure about each other and happier than they’ve ever been before.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tag list: [ @teenyweenynightghost ]

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mxdnightlvers · 3 years

Text

Late Nights- A Komahina Smut Oneshot

A/N: I'm not really active here but I thought I should at least post this.

The moon was at its highest, accompanied by a starry night. Hajime was working at his small desk in the corner of his shared room. The sound of paper and typing occasionally filling the silent room. Nagito was asleep but Hajime could not share the same peaceful position as him. He was busy all day and he ended up working late into the night, and even though Nagito protested and tried to get him to rest, Hajime was set on finishing his work tonight. Tiredness pulled at his mind in a battle between work and sleep, sleep becoming victorious as his head rested against the smooth desk surface. He allowed his mind to wander for a few seconds before he realized he was drifting off to sleep. He jolted awake, his hands rubbing his eyes in an attempt to refocus on his screen. The words became an incoherent mess on his screen and he was too tired to continue working.

The blue light was not easy on his eyes and the effects of his cup of coffee had worn off. He wasn't the type to be worn out like this but he wanted to finish any work he had, so he can rest as much as he wanted after. He let out another long sigh and rested his elbows on the desk and buried his eyes into his palms.

"Hinata-Kun?" A soft but recognizable voice called out to him.

Hajime raised his head and turned around, looking into the darkness of their room.

"Ah, did I wake you Nagito?" Hajime replied hoarsely, his exhaustion audible.

"No its fine Hinata-kun."

Nagito replied and the room fell silent. Hajime could barely see in the darkness but he could tell that Nagito was looking at him. His eyes adjusted and he could see Nagito's silhouette. He was sitting up, the blanket still covering his torso. His messy white hair was slightly visible. Hajime wanted to leave all his work behind and crawl into his boyfriend's arms and fall asleep but he was prevented from doing that. Hajime hadn't even realized that he's been staring at Nagito without saying anything.

"Hinata-Kun you've been staring at me for a while, are you okay?" Nagito spoke up, finally breaking the silence.

"Ah...I'm sorry I spaced out for a bit."

Hajime smiled and turned back around and continued to work. Nagito hadn't responded so Hajime thought that everything was fine. In truth, Nagito was simply worried for Hajime. Nagito could hear the exhaustion in his voice. When Hajime faced him, he could see his tired expression illuminated from the computer screen behind. Nagito was frustrated. He had suggested Hajime rest multiple times but he refused every time. Hajime had only gotten Nagito to step down after promising that he would not overdo it and Nagito trusted him. However, after seeing Hajime's state he knew that he had broken their promise. Nagito was trying to prevent this from happening and Hajime refused to listen to him.

"Hinata-Kun," Nagito called out.

"Yes? And we're alone, you can use my first name."

"Hajime...you promised you'd rest," Nagito replied sounding slightly annoyed.

Hajime sighed and turned around, "Look Nagito-," he paused, softening his tone, "I'm almost done, there are only a few more emails to sort out and I'll be free okay?"

Hajime would be lying if he said he sincerely made that promise earlier. He meant his promise and he really was close to finishing, but he mainly said it to make Nagito stop pestering him. Nagito had picked up on his frustrated mood and decided to leave him alone but he couldn't help and be worried for Hajime. After all, how could he not be worried? Hajime had accepted Nagito for all his flaws and imperfections even after everything they've been through. Someone as talented and hopeful as Hajime had chosen trash like him over everyone else. Maybe this was all Nagito's luck but he truly did care for Hajime.

The silence in the room broke with a small robotic noise coming from Nagito's hand and a quiet, "fine" from him. Content with his response, Hajime turned back around and resumed typing. Part of his fatigue faded away knowing that Nagito had let him finish up. With new determination, Hajime's focus on his work increased and he continued to type away. He was so focused, he did not even sense that Nagito had been standing behind him. He felt a pair of arms wrap around him and white fluffy hair tickling his skin as Nagito laid his chin in his neck. Hajime flinched but leaned back into his embrace, eyes still fixated on his screen.

"If I can't get you to rest, can I help you finish up at least?" Nagito whined, his voice sounding slightly needy.

Hajime did not mind at all, instead, he was relieved that he could finally feel the warmth of his lover. The back of his chair prevented them from being closer but it was enough for him to feel satisfied. He wrapped his left hand in Nagito's hair and his right hand took over typing. However, this moment was cut short when Hajime replied to Nagito's question.

"You're not gonna give up are you?" Hajime chuckled, amused but relieved at Nagito's persistence.

Nagito buried his head further into Hajime's neck, trying to hide his embarrassment even though his face wasn't visible to Hajime. He nodded with his eyes squeezed shut and Hajime unwrapped his hand from Nagito's hair.

"Then, can you get me a glass of water please?"

Hajime was quiet but Nagito heard him clearly. He pulled away and Hajime found himself regretting his decision at the loss of his touch. Hajime heard Nagito's footsteps fade out of their room and he resumed typing away. He hit send on the final email and that instantly brought his mood back up. He let out a long sigh, all his hard work finally coming to an end with a wave of relief and accomplishment. He smiled and leaned back into his chair. stretching out his hands. Hajime could only describe this feeling as if all his stress were being drained away, healing his body in the process. Hajime stared at the ceiling for a few seconds before readjusting his position and moving some papers onto his lap. All that was left to do was to sort these final documents into their piles and he'd be finished. The door creaked open and Nagito entered the room with a glass of water in his hand. Hajime spun his chair around, greeting Nagito with a smile, and held out his hand to hold the glass of water.

Only for Nagito to trip and spill the ice-cold water on Hajime's lap. If there were any trace of tiredness left in Hajime, it quickly disappeared as the feeling of cold water leaking through his pants shocked him awake. Hajime squeezed his thighs together and he shook any ice cubes off to ease the uncomfortable feeling. He moved the papers off his lap but that was quickly replaced with Nagito hands frantically trying to fix things.

"Ah, Hinata-Kun I'm so sorry! I'm so clumsy I'll dry you immediately!" Nagito panicked, dropping to his knees and, brushing a nearby napkin over Hajime's sweatpants.

Hajime didn't know which to be more worried about; his boyfriend panicking beneath him or the fact that Nagito hadn't realized where he was touching Hajime. In an attempt to stop Nagito's movements, Hajime placed his hands firmly on Nagito's shoulders. Nagito's hands paused abruptly and his head shot up, everything happening in a blur. Nagito was on his knees directly looking up at Hajime. His expression was taut, eyebrows raised, and his mouth slightly apart. And even though Hajime tried to stop Nagito's hands, his hands were stalled on Hajime's pants. The world seemed to pause for Hajime. With the expression of the boy below him, the placement of his hands, that kneeling position he was in, Hajime couldn't help but think lewd thoughts.

"God, Nagito why'd you have to be so..."

He temporarily broke eye contact to hide his red cheeks. He was supposed to be calming Nagito, and yet, Hajime was the flustered one. He felt a familiar tension in his pants and it became difficult to ignore by the second. Only a few seconds had passed but it felt like he was trying to hide his arousal for minutes. Hajime, suddenly aware of his actions, snapped his head back to stare at Nagito. He refocused his mind to the present, to calm Nagito, and to prevent the tent in his pants from growing. Hajime looked at him with an expression that was stern instead of annoyed, not daring to make his boyfriend feel like he made him mad.

"Hinata-Kun I'm-"

"It's fine Nagito." Hajime quickly cut off Nagito, trying to prevent him from blaming himself.

Hajime smiled softly at him as if he were saying a silent, "don't worry, it's not your fault." Nagito opened his mouth as if he was going to say something, but he closed his mouth and nodded instead.

"Hey..." Hajime mumbled, placing his hand on top of Nagito's own with new intentions.

"I'm basically finished with work so I'll rest now okay? I just need to change out of these clothes, since...." Hajime remarked, pointing to the stain on his pants.

"Ah," Nagito breathed out in relief, "Of course Hinata-Kun."

Nagito had begun to pull away from Hajime, but he tightened his grip and pulled him back down to his knees. Hajime moved their hands to their previous position as he had hoped that his intentions would catch on.

"H-Hinata-Kun?" Nagito replied, flustered and shocked.

"I didn't say to get up did I?"

"But-" Nagtio was once again cut off when Hajime directly moved his hand on top of his boxers.

Hajime breathed out, as he finally received the touch he so longed for. Nagito just watched in shock and curiosity. He let Hajime guide his hand as Hajime started to rub himself through his pants. It wasn't long before they were both hard, letting themselves go in the moment. Nagito started moving his hands in rhythm with Hajime, edging him to move his hands faster. Nagito was dazed, entranced by the movements of their hands. He couldn't look away, he didn't want to. He didn't want it to stop either. He was always lucky in the moments he could please Hajime. The brunette found amusement in Nagito's expression, gaining a weird sense of euphoria from the way he can please Nagito without doing much.

"Hah...I'm warming right up arent I?" Hajime breathed out as he no longer felt the uncomfortable cold on his thighs.

Nagito hummed beneath him, too dazed to properly reply. Nagito's hands started speeding up, eager to please his boyfriend more. Hajime started to lose control of his actions as his mind began to feel dizzy at the pleasure. The brunette's hands slowed down and the boy between his legs started to feel more confident. Nagito's free hand moved to caress the inside of Hajime's thigh, slowly inching up to his waistband. Hajime let Nagito take over, his hand now lazily resting on Nagito's. Both of the boys quickly became impatient, the need for skin-on-skin contact growing by the second. Nagito gave in and pulled Hajime's waistband down, the other boy wiggling his way out of his pants. They wasted no time and pulled his boxers down allowing Hajime's dick to spring free.

Nagito wrapped his hand around Hajime, slowly stroking him. He let out a low groan as if he was the one being pleasured. He dragged his index finger over the tip of his cock, spreading precum up and down. He leaned closer, flicking his tongue against the tip. Intoxicated by Hajime's taste, he moved his tongue in a circular motion, wanting to taste more. He pulled away, a string of saliva and precum connecting him to Hajime's cock. He took a moment to look up at Hajime, who was completely lost in the pleasure. His head was tilted back, eyes squeezed shut and cheeks tinted such a bright color of red. Hajime's mouth was slightly parted and he was breathing heavily with beads of sweat running down his face. Nagito had seen him in many ways, but the way he looked in this moment was the most amusing. The former Ultimate Hope was above him, but yet Nagito was in control, making him a mess.

"I've barely even touched you Hinata-Kun...and look at you, already a mess for someone like me," Nagito whispered, lazily jerking Hajime off.

"Hah...you're a mess too Nagito." He breathed out, opening his eyes.

"Maybe but," Nagito paused to lick up his cock, "You're more of a mess than me."

Hajime did not even have time to reply when Nagito reached into the empty cup and pulled out an ice cube. He jolted up when he felt the ice against the tip of his cock.

"A-Ah! Nagito what are you doing?"

Nagito only hummed in response, continuing to slowly drag the ice up and down his cock. He ignored Hajime's question as he writhed in pain and pleasure. Hajime was propped up on his hands, looking down at Nagito, not sure if his moans were from the pain or pleasure. Nagito kept slowly dragging the ice up and down with a sly grin, that showed anything but good intentions. Hajime may have seen it as Nagito teasing him but, he was actually testing to see how Hajime would react to the ice. He looked up at Hajime, mischief plastered over his face- the shy, insecure boy he was moments ago, completely disappearing.

"What does it look like I'm doing Hajime?" Nagito finally replied in such a velvety tone, saying Hajime's name in such a lustful manner that he left the ultimate hope speechless.

There was no need to say anything more and Nagito resumed his actions. He dragged the ice over the tip once more before placing it back into the cup. Hajime watched in anticipation as Nagito wrapped his lips around his cock. The warmth of his mouth instantly soothing the painful cold. He traced his tongue up and down the trails of water left by the ice cube. He then took Hajime in his mouth, slowly moving up and down his cock at first. Hajime wrapped his hands in his hair, trying his best not to force Nagito further down. Nagito looked up at him as he went deeper, his cock hitting the back of his throat. Hajime stopped trying to hold his moans back, not caring anymore. Nagito lifted his head and went back down on his cock, or so Hajime had hoped. The other boy pulled away from Hajime and reached into the cup once again. Hajime immediately realized what Nagito was planning to do, but his thoughts cut off when he felt the ice cube against his dick again. The ice burned sweetly against his cock and he was a whimpering mess.

"Hehe, what cute noises you're making Hajime." Nagito teased the submissive Hajime above him.

"Shut up Nagito and just-"

"Hm? Just what Hajime?" Nagito asked before a playful idea popped into his head.

"You have to tell me what you want or else how would I know?"

Nagito was a person you needed to be direct with but this was different. He was purposely avoiding Hajime's needs. Hajime wanted to keep some of his dignity, but Nagito wasn't going to budge if he didn't hear what he wanted to.

"Fuck you Nagito, you never change," Hajime said to himself, before obeying Nagito's order.

"J-Just suck my dick already," Hajime replied in one breath, squeezing his eyes shut as if he wasn't trying to hear himself.

"Ah! The former ultimate hope begging for my filthy tongue around him!" Nagito remarked as if he was the one being touched.

This would be a strange sight for anyone else. Someone like Hajime was melting in his chair. Nagito was holding a melting ice cube on his dick while he somehow praised and degraded himself at the same time. However, Hajime couldn't care less. The ice became painful and his position in his chair was not easy on his back. He was not going to let Nagito get sidetracked after losing his dignity like that.

"Arent you supposed to be doing something?" Hajime looked sternly down on Nagito as he made sure to get his point across.

Nagito paused and smiled at him before placing the ice cube in the cup. He leaned into Hajime's cock once more and pressed his lips against his shaft. He licked up his cock, a trail of saliva and water being left behind. He flicked his tongue against the tip before taking in Hajime's cock once more. He wasted no time and started bobbing his head up and down. His hair fell in front of his face, blocking Hajime from viewing him properly. He tied his hands in his hair, moving his bangs out of his face to see his boyfriend go all the way down on his cock. Nagito looked up at him, eyes watery and clouded with lust. He moved up to swirl his tongue around the tip and moved his hand to stroke his shaft.

However, his hand was still cold from holding the ice. Hajime let out a shocked moan in response as Nagito continued his actions. He dragged his tongue up and down while his hand massaged the places his tongue couldn't reach, all while keeping eye contact. The stimulation of hot and cold was quickly bringing Hajime to his climax. His cold hand running up and down his cock. His warm tongue over his tip and shaft. His needy boyfriend looking up at him so lustfully. Hajime was already close to his orgasm. He was a breathy, moaning mess, both of his hands now forcefully holding Nagito's hair in a ponytail. Nagito was palming himself through his boxers while he worked his tongue and hands faster to bring Hajime to his orgasm. It only took a few more flicks of Nagito's tongue before Hajime was forcing his head further onto his cock as he came. Hajime's hips twitched and jerked as Nagito tried to swallow all of his seed, some spilling anyways. Nagito pulled away from Hajime as soon as his grip loosened on his head. He looked up at Hajime who eyes were shut, still panting from his orgasm. Eventually, he came to his senses and looked down at a messy Nagito. His eyes were heavy with desire, his hair even messier than it normally was, and cum dripped down the corner of his lips. The sight was enough to bring Hajime to a full erection again.

Hajime opened his mouth to say something but he was still trying to steady his breathing. He bent down to place his palm on Nagito's cheek. He wiped the cum off Nagito with his thumb. His thumb lingered on his lips, cleaning feeling like a secondary concern. Nagito turned his head slightly to suck Hajime's thumb in, licking the cum off. The brunette froze for a second which allowed Nagito to push past his hand and sit on his lap.

"Ah- Nagito wait a sec," Hajime stuttered but Nagito didn't listen.

He tried to speak up again but his words turned into a moan when he felt Nagito's teeth against his neck. He felt slender hands grip his hair, pulling his head back to give Nagito better access to his neck. Nagito started rocking his hips back and forth while sloppily marking Hajime. Nagito was dominating Hajime and he was having a hard time protesting. Luckily, as more time passed, Nagito was slowly losing his dominance to pleasure. Instead of hungrily biting at Hajime's neck, he was now quietly whining. Hajime felt Nagito's hand loosen and took that opportunity. He gripped the other boy's hair and forcefully pulled him away from his body. Hajime thought that he was probably a little too rough but Nagito's expression said otherwise.

"H-Hinata-Kun?" Nagito yelped but he quickly realized his intentions, "I'm sorry I-"

"Be quiet."

Nagito froze in place. It was as if those two words sent Nagito into a deep subspace. He looked at Hajime with wide eyes of anticipation and obedience. Hajime smiled at himself, proud that he had control now, and that his shaky attempt worked. He regained his composure as the dominant and sat up straight. He loosened his grip on Nagito's hair, still holding him in place, but enough to make Nagito relax a bit. He pulled Nagito down for a kiss as his other hand slowly started guiding his hips back and forth. He wasted no time in picking up the pace, making Nagito rock back and forth at a comfortable speed.

Nagito ran his hands all over Hajime's chest, just wanting- no, needing to feel more of him. They pulled away for a second to take Hajime's shirt off but were instantly back in their previous position. In Hajime's eyes, Nagito was so adorable. He was grinding helplessly against him, face red and the cutest of whines. Hajime pulled away from the kiss to touch Nagito through his pants. He reached inside his boxers and pulled out his dick that was leaking with precum.

"A-Ah! Hinata-Kun!" Nagito whined as Hajime pressed his finger against the tip of his cock.

"Who's a mess for who now?" Hajime teased, leaning into Nagito.

Nagito just shook his head in response and Hajime shuffled his pants off him. He started jerking him off, somehow making Nagito even more flustered. Nagito fully melted into Hajime's touch and buried his head in his neck. He softly bit onto Hajime's shoulder, careful to not hurt him. Hajime bent his head down slightly to see his hands move swiftly along the other boy's cock. The two boys were quickly growing impatient. Not to mention, Nagito was still slowly grinding against Hajime. As much as Hajime loved to see Nagito like this, he pulled his hand away. Nagito whimpered at the loss of his touch but soon felt hands around his waist, picking him up. Hajime walked towards their bed and placed Nagito down.

Nagito said nothing and let Hajime be in control. Hajime positioned himself on top, brushing some of the hair out of Nagito face. His hand then fell to his shirt, tracing over the buttons before undoing them. He rubbed his hands over Nagito's bare chest before leaning down to place small kisses all over. He marked the delicate boy in every place his lips touched. Nagito's hands moved to play with Hajime's nipples, trying to pleasure him as well. Hajime continued his actions, biting and kissing him. He was taking his sweet time with Nagito, despite being impatient a few moments ago. He was appreciating his boyfriend through his actions- through his kisses. Nagito didn't mind at all. He loved receiving affection like this from Hajime, especially since he needed reassurance like this from time to time. However, this moment didn't last forever, as their dicks were still hard and they were still horny as ever.

"Hinata-Kun..," Nagito whispered and Hajime pulled away.

He looked at Hajime with pleading eyes and a small frown. Hajime had caught on and would've gladly given into his pleas but, he looked like he had more to say.

"What's wrong Nagito?" Hajime asked in an attempt to edge Nagito along.

The other boy paused for a second, before speaking up, "I...need you."

"....Inside me," He whined, turning his head and squeezing his eyes shut.

Hajime paused for a second. Taken aback by Nagito's state.

"Fuck. Okay."

Hajime closed his jaw that had opened unknowingly before he immediately pulled away. As if he was possessed by lust, he reached into the nightstand and was back above Nagito. He had a bottle of lube and applied a generous amount on his hand. He pushed his finger in, feeling Nagito stretch around him. He slipped in another finger with ease, the heat, and moans of Nagito spurring him on to move his fingers faster. As Hajime thought he had prepared Nagito enough and was about to pull away, Nagito impatiently spoke up.

"Hinata-Kun...," Nagito whimpered, almost sounding like a sob, "Please..."

Hajime chuckled and pulled out his fingers, "Desperate arent you?"

"Maybe I should tease you a little more hm?" Hajime taunted despite wanting to slam into Nagito this instant.

Nagito shook his head rapidly as he wanted Hajime inside him right now.

"Haha alright alright," Hajime complied as he spread Nagito legs apart.

He positioned himself, looking down at Nagito who eagerly waited. Hajime started to slowly push himself in only to be met with more pleas from Nagito. He was almost surprised at how impatient he was. Amused, he lifted Nagito's legs and slammed into him, almost as if Hajime was rewarding him. Nagito screamed out, making Hajime worried that he had hurt him. He looked down to make sure he wasn't in any pain only to be met with a Komaeda that was lost in pleasure. He was looking at Hajime through his bangs, cheeks red, and eyes that just begged Hajime to keep going.

Reassured, Hajime started moving in and out, gradually picking up the pace. With the feeling of Nagito's warmth around him, the tightness that sucked his cock in, the lewd noises from both of them, Hajime was already dizzy with pleasure. Nagito hands wrapped around his neck and pulled him down. He kissed Nagito, muffling both of their moans. He slipped his tongue past, sloppily kissing each other. Nagito hands found their way to his hair, keeping Hajime's head in place. He only let Hajime pull away for air, before pulling him back into the kiss. Nagito let one of his hands fall and grabbed Hajime's own. Nagito guided their hands down his body before reaching his cock. Hajime let the needy boy guide his hands, finding him amusing. Nagito started jerking himself off but quickly lost the energy to do so, letting Hajime take over. He let Hajime pull away from the kiss and let him focus on their hands. His hand started moving at the same pace, overstimulating the boy beneath him. Nagito raked his free hand up and down Hajime's back, his name being the only words Nagito knew to say.

"Hah...fuck you're such a mess Nagito," Hajime spoke up, slowing down a little bit.

It was quiet, almost silent, but Nagito chuckled softly through his moans, "Only for you Hinata-Kun."

He pulled Hajime back down for a short kiss. They kept eye contact for a second before Hajime smiled and pulled away, "Guess I'm the lucky one now huh."

"Shut up," Nagito whined and turned away.

Hajime smiled and picked back up his previous pace. He lifted Nagito closer, causing his cock to go deeper. The tip of his cock brushed against Nagito's prostate causing his back to arch off the bed.

"There! Hinata-Kun!" Nagito cried out, begging for Hajime to reach that spot again.

The brunette listened to his pleas and angled himself so that he was now repeatedly thrusting into his prostate. Nagito let out a string of "yes" before his words slurred together, losing himself to Hajime's thrusts. Nagito's nails dug into his shoulder and Hajime was sure that it had left a mark. Hajime's dizzy mind caused him to bury his head in Nagito's neck, biting lightly.

"H-Hinata-Kun...your hand," Nagito managed to stutter out and Hajime pulled away.

Nagito pulled his hand away from his dick and held Hajime's hand. Hajime bent back down, moving their hands above Nagito's head. He started moving again, holding tightly onto Nagito. As much as he hated to admit it, Hajime was close. He wanted to bring Nagito to his high first so he slowed down, edging himself so he doesn't cum yet. Thankfully for him, Nagito was also close. It only took a few more thrusts for Nagito to reach his orgasm, letting out a shriek as his back arched off the bed. His walls clenched around Hajime which was enough for him to also reach his high, thrusting a few more before emptying himself inside Nagito. Regaining his senses, he pulled out of Nagito, a small whine of disapproval escaping from him. Both of them were breathing heavily, still feeling the rush of their orgasm. Hajime looked down at Nagito who was not quite connected with reality yet. They were both a mess, Nagito being worse with cum splattered on his chest, bite marks on his skin, and tears staining his face. They were still holding hands except Nagito's grip had loosened. Nagito was the first to speak up despite still trying to steady his breathing.

"Did I...make you...feel better?" He asked in a tone that was mixed with 'just came' and 'self-loathing'.

It only took Hajime a second to realize that he was referring to his work earlier.

"Hah...yeah you did," he praised and planted a kiss on Nagito's forehead," You did amazing Nagito."

Hajime rested his palm on Nagito's cheek and he nuzzled into his touch. He moved his hand up to brush the hair out of Nagito's face, whose eyes were closed, simply enjoying Hajime's presence. Nagito looked so peaceful. He had a soft smile and he looked genuinely happy at that moment. He was happy to be with Hajime, happy to have someone who cared for him, happy to be loved for once. Hajime poked Nagito's cheek lightly, making him open his eyes.

"Oi don't go falling asleep we have to get you cleaned."

Nagito eyes widened before letting out a disappointing sigh Hajime knew too well, "You never change huh? You're still annoying as ever."

"Haha, that's why you love me though." Hajime jeered causing Nagito to roll his eyes.

Hajime tried to pull away when Nagito hands snaked around his neck and pulled him back down. Hajime's face fell into Nagito's chest, letting out a shocked noise. Nagito rolled them over so that they were now both laying on their sides.

"Nagito?" Hajime asked muffled against his chest.

"Let's stay like this for a while," Nagito replied quietly, almost as if he felt guilty for asking this.

Hajime positioned himself so that Nagito was buried in his chest, "We can stay like this for as long as you want."

Hajime couldn't see, but he knew Nagito had smiled. He pulled him closer, one hand wrapped in Nagito's hair, lightly scratching his scalp. The AC had cooled them off a bit and it left a peaceful atmosphere. Hajime pressed his lips against Nagito's forehead as if trying to convey all the words he left unsaid. They did exactly as Nagito requested, enjoying each other's company before eventually having to clean up the mess they made.

#smut #danganronpa #nagito komaeda #hajime hinata #komahina #sdr2 #nagito smut #danganronpa smut #hajime smut

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akitokihojo · 3 years

Text

Stay

Woah, two posts in one day? Yeah... yeeeeeeah. I don't usually post so late, but as I sat here staring at this document, I realized that if I don't post it now, I never will.

Okay, look, this story is extremely personal for me and I want to give a warning about that. If you know me or have been following me for a while, you may have noticed I tend to keep to myself, I'm quiet, and I'm private. But, as most humans, I have things I battle, too. I've been through things, too.

My coping mechanisms are humor and "add to cart." My therapy is writing. I decided to give this a shot. I've gotten personal with older fics before, but it's vague and I sort of lightly mix it in there like food seasonings. "Everything's Okay" and "A Moment" are examples of which. This story is largely based off something real. The emotion behind it is real. Very real.

Now, I will admit, the comfort added isn't. It's something I've realized over the past couple of years that I both crave and deserve. It's something that would help me incredibly, and maybe it's unrealistic, but that doesn't take away from the fact that I want it. So bad. So, I wrote. I made it happen.

I decided to project everything into my comfort otp, so if either Kagome or Inuyasha seem out of character, it's because they are. Sorry about that. It was difficult to keep their characteristics in tact. Particularly, Inuyasha. He's unbelievably soft here.

This is sloppy. I did my best to edit, but like I said, the longer I sat on it, the less likely it was bound to be posted. Just consider it unfiltered emotions if it seems messy, because that's what it's supposed to be.

Some disclaimers that I'll open up about: Yes, all of those negative things have been said to me by a past ex. What Kagome tells Inuyasha is very real for me. Also, replace "abusive father" with "abusive mother" and you've got it. :) I just didn't feel comfortable disrespecting mama higurashi with such slander, so since Kagome's father isn't in the picture, it was simpler.

Okay, I'm done. Thank you. If you read this, thank you. Again.

---

“Come on, Kagome. Show me.” Inuyasha encouraged supportively.

Kagome sighed, adjusting the shorts a bit better around her waist as she stared at herself in the mirror on the inside of the door. She’d comfortably tucked herself away in the walk-in closet of her boyfriend’s bedroom, preferring the space she had and the length of the mirror as opposed to the bathroom that only showed her up to her hips unless she bounced to her tippy toes.

“Houston, we have a problem.” She spoke.

“Define ‘problem.’” Inuyasha proposed. “Because, I realized a long time ago that you and I have two totally different definitions of the word.”

No, this was a definite problem. Unfortunately, it seemed she’d purchased clothing from one of the retailers that didn’t quite grasp that some woman had thicker asses and thighs. The shorts fit, but they hugged her in places she needed a little more room in. God forbid, she sit down. Then, they’d fit her like underwear.

The band was comfortable along her hips, but felt a little better if she pulled it up a smidge toward her waist. But then the underside of her booty cheeks popped out, and that for sure wasn’t something she could sport in public. Or, she could. She just wouldn’t be comfortable doing so. It wasn’t her style. She preferred a hint of more modesty. Not to mention, the shorts were very tight against her lady bits, and that was definitely something she didn’t want her clothing riding up on.

“Babe.”

“Curse these thighs.”

“Oh, see what I mean?” He chimed from the other side of the door. “That’s the exact opposite of a problem.”

“It’s a problem if the shorts don’t fit, Inuyasha.”

“Show me.”

“They don’t fit.”

“Okay, we’ll return them. But, show me first.”

“Why do you want to see them if they don’t fit?” She laughed lightly.

“Why wouldn’t I? Do I have to spell this out to you every time?” Inuyasha asked, making it obvious that he was feigning irritation.

“It doesn’t hurt.”

“Alright, first of all, I know you’re ridiculously critical of yourself. I have a more objective point of view, and therefore that makes my opinion the only valid one here.”

“Hey -“

“I’m not finished. Second, I love seeing you in tight clothing. That’s a given. You don’t have to keep it, and you should always wear things you’re comfortable in, but at least do the right thing and let me see first. I think I deserve that much. Third, and most importantly, ass and thighs. Your ass and thighs.” Inuyasha made a chef’s kiss motion even though she couldn’t see, losing himself in the thought of some of his favorite assets of hers. “You know damn well how much I love them. So, please - please - come out and show me, Kagome.”

Behind the door, she fought her smile, losing so quickly it was as if she hardly stood a chance against it. It wasn’t that she didn’t like her body, but he was right. There were some imperfections that had her self-conscious at times, and he knew without saying when they started dating over five months ago that her thighs were one of them. And, she could tell the half demon she called hers genuinely adored everything she deemed unworthy.

Giving a minor adjustment to make sure the area between her thighs had enough room to breathe, she sighed out any apprehension and opened the door. Inuyasha sat on the edge of the bed waiting, golden eyes instantly on her. He skimmed over the way she’d tucked her shirt into the underside of her bra to keep it out of the way, gazed at her tummy for a small moment, then drifted his sights down to the shorts hugging her snuggly.

He barely blinked, his expression practically blanking, and Kagome’s cheeks went red hot.

“Inuyasha?”

“Shh. I’m concentrating.”

Kagome laughed, turning away from him bashfully.

“Shit, no! I wasn’t ready for that!” He cried, pressing the heels of his hands into his temples as if he were in a panic. Her ass. It looked phenomenal. He wasn’t mentally prepared to see just how plump it looked in those bottoms, and it sent his mind reeling.

“What!?” She gasped, her hands instinctually falling to cover her butt as she spun back to face the way she’d originally been.

“Oh my god.” Inuyasha mewled. “Are you kidding me, Kagome!? Where’s the problem!? Where’s the mother fucking problem!? Because, I don’t see it!”

It was thought to be impossible, but she felt her face flush even hotter. So hot, she wanted to hide it, knowing full and well her embarrassment was visible and prominent. She kind of tucked her head down slightly, hoping the dim lighting in his room would be her ally and shade her blush while she presented her issues with the garment of clothing.

“Well, it’s tight on my thighs. See, when I do this -“ She explained as she lifted her leg slightly as if she was going to take a step forward. The bottom hem of her shorts tightened against her quad, squeezing around the plush before riding up an inch. “It’s not very comfortable. I like a bit of a looser fit. And, then my butt. It’s suffocating. I’m scared one wrong move will make these shorts rip.”

“God forbid.”

“Inuyasha, seriously.” She deadpanned.

“Sorry, sorry. I’m listening. Anything else?” He apologized with a grin, conceding.

“Yes. I can’t sit in these.”

“Why not?”

“Too tight.”

“So, you literally can’t sit?”

“No, I mean I’m sure I can. It’s just not a good idea.”

“Because, they’ll rip?”

“That. Or, they’ll turn into chonies.”

“What?”

“Underwear.”

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t aware you got such versatile clothing. I could have sworn we were nowhere near the lingerie section.”

Kagome laughed through her groan, tossing her head back in minor exasperation due to her boyfriend’s sarcasm. It was going to be hard to describe, and she was sure if she attempted such he’d only throw more jokes her way, so she shut her mouth and decidedly took to demonstrating her vexation. She crossed the floor, hoped for the best, and plopped into a seat right next to Inuyasha. Her thighs fluffed out and her shorts effectively rode all the way up, giving her legs the attention they apparently demanded.

Inuyasha’s eyes were glued to her thighs and the way her clothing wrinkled along her anatomy. He’d had to press his lips into a tight line to prevent their proud and joyful crinkle, but it was so desperately difficult to fend off. Kagome was quick to notice and her brows pinched together, a small pout forming.

“You tricked me.” She murmured. “You wanted me to sit down, didn’t you?”

“I’ll admit, it was a lot easier than I expected it would be.” He said, gently stroking the pads of his fingers over the softness of her legs. “Again, I find it important to remind you that you and I clearly have very different definitions of what a problem is. This… this is not a problem. Not at all.”

“Well, see, I sort of wanted to be able to wear these outside of your apartment.” Kagome giggled, inadvertently melting into his touch. It was so light, it almost tickled, but she felt his warmth radiating from his hand, she felt his attraction, she felt his good-natured and honest feelings toward her body, and it was nothing short of what she both wanted and needed right now.

“I know, I know. We’ll return them and get a larger pair. Still, not a problem.” He grinned, planting his whole palm on her thigh and sliding it inward, shoving it to sit in the heat between. He leaned over and kissed her temple.

“Don’t even think about it.” Kagome hummed, leaning into his tender touch.

“Hm?”

“You’re about to lay down on my thighs, aren’t you?”

“What? I can’t?” The half demon pouted with legitimate shock on his brow.

“The moment you’re down, you’re down. You know damn well you’re not getting up if I let you, and I want to get out of these shorts.”

“But, Kagome -“

“Boy, if you knew exactly how these are constricting certain areas, you’d understand.” She laughed, playfully shoving his hand off of her as she stood. Before walking toward the closet where she’d left her skirt, she turned to face her boyfriend, bending at the waist and pushing his bangs from his forehead to plant a kiss against his skin. “I should get going soon, anyway. It’s getting late.”

“Don’t go, then.” He said, tone gruff as his amber eyes met hers. “Stay with me.”

It wasn’t the first time he’d asked her to stay the night, impromptu. Far from it. Every time, though, caused something in her chest to stir, something in her stomach to flutter, something in her bloodstream to effervesce in both a wonderful and unsettling way - the unsettling part deriding from a different emotion she’d recently noticed planting its roots somewhere inside of her. Inuyasha grabbed her hand, running his thumb over the tops of her fingers while his expression shifted to one of seriousness. No jokes, no funny business, no sarcasm was present any longer.

“I don’t feel like I got all the time I wanted with you. Since we were out and about most of the day, I feel like I had to share parts of you with the world, so now that it’s just you and I, I’m not quite ready to let you go. Will you stay?”

Internally, Kagome was telling herself to keep it together. It was such a small gesture, such a tiny request, but it was always the little things he said to her, like this, the mannerisms he displayed when he was sincere, the way his amber eyes met hers when he waited for her answer that had her feeling unstable. Like, she could cry. Like, she was more afraid than she was thirty seconds ago, or an hour ago, or when she saw his smile earlier this afternoon when they met up, or last night, or when she crashed and burned upon realizing what, exactly, it was she felt for Inuyasha a month ago. She swallowed, forcing herself to show none of that as she made a small smile appear on her face.

“Can I borrow a shirt to sleep in?”

A grin sprouted on Inuyasha’s lips as he kissed the hand he held, standing to cross over to his dresser.

“You want your favorite, or a different one?” He asked, ignoring the twitch his own sensitive ear gave as the wood scraped open.

“Whichever. Can I take a shower?”

“Of course.” He said in a manner that suggested she knew she didn’t have to ask by now. He was well-acquainted with her routine and how she preferred showers before bed as opposed to first thing in the morning. That, and they’d recently gotten her some extra toiletries to store in his bathroom for times she stayed over. He was equipped for her company, and sooner or later, Kagome was bound to learn that she was more than welcome to treat his place as her own. Her scent, her voice, her contagious laughter were all he needed, and if his apartment was filled with it, Inuyasha couldn’t think of anything that would make him happier.

Kagome took the large band tee the hanyou offered with a grateful smile and snagged some boxers from the top drawer he’d just opened with a playful, little scrunch of her nose before ambling over to the closet to pick up her skirt and reach for a towel on the shelf.

Why? Why was her heart thumping uncontrollably? She was so happy. So, so, so content. But, yet a crippling sensation was crawling its way up her esophagus to make home in her throat; to grow large, and dense, and sit there to make it impossible to swallow any longer. Ever since that night a month ago, when she’d hung up the phone after a goodnight call with Inuyasha - who was traveling at the time for work, was beyond tired, spoke to her in that husky tone she was utterly weak for, and who’d called out of mere courtesy to let her know he’d made it to his destination safely - she hadn’t been feeling secure. Not because of him. He hadn’t done anything wrong. In fact, despite their little, bickering spats and his tendency to get a bit jealous over guys she spoke to, he was doing everything right. He wasn’t the one giving her reason to fear. It was her.

It was what she’d been through.

It was something she was so terrified he would turn around and say to her, that it practically debilitated her rational mind.

But, still, the feeling it stemmed from grew and expanded, the tree roots burying themselves in the soil of her heart, and Kagome was positive by now, after thirty days had passed with no decrease but, instead, the exact opposite, that there was no convincing herself that it wasn’t there. Because, every time she saw him smile, every time he held her hand, every time he expressed himself to her, it banged on her walls like an innocent prisoner demanding freedom.

When she was sure her emotions weren’t superficial, when she was positive there was no changing anything on her end, Kagome had to really look within herself to figure out how to maneuver about things. Did she openly tell him? Was there a right time to say these things? She even debated never saying anything at all, and for a good while, she was settled on that option. It wasn’t the right thing to do, though. It was like she was allowing her past, her previous broken heart, to dictate how she expressed affection toward others, and the potential ‘others’ who hadn’t done her wrong didn’t deserve that. Kagome had always been the type to wear her rather large and vulnerable heart on her sleeve. The cage she held it in now, it wasn’t locked. She wanted to put it back where it belonged, but she was so scared, it made her nauseous. The cage door was opened, held cracked from the inside, the weary organ protecting itself behind a barrier that just needed some encouragement to come out from.

Again, she’d wondered to herself countless times: was there a right moment to say something like this? Was there a procedure she needed to follow? She’d said it first last time, and nothing ended in her favor, so maybe she shouldn’t be the one to initiate this topic? Maybe it applied too much pressure? Should she just keep it to herself behind lock and key? Was he going to be receptive? Was it going to scare him away? Please, don’t scare him away. Please, please don’t leave.

And, countless times, she ended up in tears from the crushing weight of it. Kagome knew the truth. She didn’t have to consult anyone to know what the right thing to do was. It didn’t matter how many nights she stared at the ceiling obsessing over right and wrong, this or that, pros and cons, yes and no’s, because in the back of her mind, the answer was right there in big, bold letters. She was just trying to dance around it. It was so stressful. Something that was depicted as a happy and liberating occurrence was reduced to horrifying and anxiety-inducing for her.

The fact of the matter was, no one should have the power to change her heart. More so, Kagome shouldn’t give anyone that power. The way she felt so deeply was, in fact, a good thing. It was. It was. It was a fight just to get herself to understand that again, feeling like she was convincing herself of something she no longer believed, but she knew the only way she would, once more, feel that freedom was to open up. Stop hiding.

The thought was heavy. It didn’t sit comfortably with her. There were certain things Kagome was okay talking about, and there were certain things Kagome would rather eat up, swallow, and take to the grave. But, that was vulnerability, and she understood that if anyone deserved that part of you, it was your partner. Inuyasha was her partner. He was patient. He listened to her about things that made her uneasy, he took into account how she could be both a social butterfly sometimes and introverted during others, how when she was overwhelmed she had a tendency to shut down, how physical touch was her love language, and he even went so far as to ask her how she would prefer he respond to certain predicaments if she were to ever get overstimulated with him around.

Inuyasha had proved time and time again that he not only wanted to experience every side of her, but that he deserved it. He deserved it.

It jostled her to the core as she considered telling him now, her stomach churning, her heart pounding erratically, her bottom lip quivering as she’d learned to expect rejection. It was why she struggled initiating anything. It was why she had trouble saying the words to anyone but herself, “I want.” It was a learned reaction to her past trauma, but Inuyasha, the half dog demon she called hers, the silver-haired man who always did everything he could to make her feel safe while with him, the person who treated her as special as he’d insisted she was, wasn’t the one who’d hurt her. So, she’d decided over a week ago, she was going to do it. She was going to do it and let him know. Best case scenario, it was always nice to hear you’re loved and he may end up appreciating her confession. Worst case, things were going to get awkward and tense and it may end their relationship for good.

Kagome wanted to be Kagome again. Not the person she was before she’d met her ex. Not exactly, at least. She still wanted the lessons she’d learned with him to be applied to who she was. They were valuable, and not everything she learned had her closing off. As an open-minded thinker, she realized that not every wound left a scar, so not everything that happened made her a victim. Some things are just incidents that taught her lessons to take into tomorrow. So, she wanted to return to Kagome, the bright girl who faced her fears, who wore her precious heart on her sleeve, her loved with everything she had no matter what, but who was just a few experiences wiser. But, no one could do that for her. No one could give her that push she needed. It all came from within.

Of course, so did fear. So did nausea. So did that anxious part of her brain that said, “Let’s do it tomorrow, instead. Or, the day after that.”

Kagome took a deep breath, trembling as it may have been, and looked over to her boyfriend. He’d just removed his shirt from over his head, his short, tousled, silver strands appearing slightly messier than before once he was free, and he glanced over his shoulder her way, most likely feeling her eyes on him.

“Inuyasha,” She tried to come off as stable as possible, but there was an obvious waver in her tone that gave her trepidation away.

“Hm?” He hummed, the corners of his lips twitching downward before he dropped his shirt on the floor and faced her better.

“Can I - um…” It was impossible to hold her eyes steady on him, her deep, brown gaze falling to the floor every time she picked them up to look at him. “I need to talk to you about something.”

“Okay. I’m all yours.”

Kagome took another breath, willing her body to stop fidgeting. It was Inuyasha. It was just Inuyasha. As soon as she realized there was no stilling her fingers beneath the clothes and towel she held, or the way she bit hard into the inside of her bottom lip, she felt the best course of action was to simply carry on; wavering eye contact, trembling fingers, quivering lips, and all.

“Let me first preface this with: please don’t say anything. Just let me get it out there. I don’t expect anything from you in return, there’s no pressure whatsoever, and I would rather you not say anything at all. Like, at all. Okay?”

Truthfully, Inuyasha was freaked out. Had something happened? Was she about to admit to something bad? Kagome looked about ready to breakdown and cry, and the fact that she was asking for him to remain completely silent only told him she was afraid of judgement. Never had she asked him to stay quiet before. And, he hated how apprehensive his girlfriend looked right now. His instinct was to solve the problem, so what was he supposed to do here but agree to her terms?

“What’s going on, Kagome?”

“Please?”

“Alright. I won’t talk. Now, spill.”

She pinched the back of her wrist to stay grounded, to keep from crying. God, she was so pathetically nervous, and three times now, she’d almost convinced herself to back out and pretend it was a joke. That wouldn’t be right, though. She wanted to cry so bad and she hadn’t even said anything yet, so she pinched herself harder, her nails incidentally digging in. As soon as she felt a degree of control fall back into her grasps, Kagome leveled her gaze at him.

The words sat on her tongue, weighted with the shackles she’d placed there herself. A lump had formed and solidified in her throat, clinging for dear life and making everything so much harder than it needed to be. God, she was really shaking. Her breathing was becoming unsteady as if she’d already started crying and she could feel her expression crinkling into something terribly sad. She knew that was how she appeared only from the way Inuyasha’s lips parted, how his brows curved in worry, how he wanted to reach for her but seemed so confused that he could only stand there and wait.

Like a bandaid. Once the words were out, it wouldn’t be so bad anymore. She just had to get through it.

“Um - I - I - I am -“ The stammering was relentless, and out of sheer obstinance, Kagome shied away for one moment, took a short breath, huffed it out, then faced him again. “I’m in love with you.”

There was a slight arch to his brow, and his chin inched to the side minutely. Very slowly, Inuyasha’s lips sealed and his gaze hardened, falling to the ground. Hastily, Kagome followed her confession with disclaimers, irrevocably panicking.

“A-and, I don’t expect you to say it back! You don’t have to say a word about it! There’s no pressure at all, Inuyasha! I swear!” With each statement, he seemed to be growing more and more tense, and Kagome was terrified she was only making matters worse, but she blinked profusely so her tears didn’t have the chance to breach the brim of her lids. “I just wanted you to know. So, yeah. Now you know.” Her voice had fallen to a hitch just above a whisper at that point, admonished.

Inuyasha kept his promise. He didn’t speak. Kagome was stiff in her spot, not quite knowing what move to make next. She hadn’t thought this far ahead. It was hard to think beyond her admittance in the first place. It was too quiet, and she could hear the clock in the living room loudly ticking seconds by.

“Just nod or shake your head; do you still want me to stay?” She asked sheepishly.

Finally, Inuyasha’s glowing stare rose to hers again, and it frighteningly seemed to grow harder, more tense. She saw the rigid muscles of his jaw clench, and his chest rose with the very slow inhale he took through his nose. Steadily, the hanyou responded with a firm nod. In the next moment, he gestured for her to head down the hall to the bathroom with a notch of his chin, which she wasted no time in complying to. Kagome bit her lip, hard, shakily turned on her heel, and left Inuyasha alone in the room.

The second he heard the bathroom door lock and the shower turn on, Inuyasha dropped his seat on the bed, crumbling forward as he braced his forehead in his hands, elbows jabbing into his thighs. His chest was physically aching, his throat tight, and Inuyasha felt thoroughly crushed. He could literally see the fear in her eyes, the anxiety holding her by the neck. Why? Had he given her some reason to worry? Had he made it seem like that was a taboo topic?

It didn’t take long to rationalize. Logically, he knew it wasn’t him. It wasn’t personal. And, he knew that because he knew exactly how it felt to be afraid of unadulterated vulnerability. It felt like you were naked, exposed to the world, trusting someone with something so valuable and important when you weren’t even sure if you could trust yourself with something like that. It was hard. It was nerve wracking.

But, there was something deeper to it.

Why else would she insist he didn’t respond? It was clear as day. He knew that feeling. He’d been hurt before, too. They’d been together for almost half a year, he knew a good portion of her story, and she knew just as much about his. It was impossible to know it all quite yet, though. Five, six months may seem like a long time to some, but it’s honestly nothing in retrospect. They’re just scratching the surface. He knew the general aspects about her abusive father, he knew she had an emo phase in high school, he knew the superficial shit like her favorite colors, foods, drinks, what medications she needed to take and how often, he knew how she tasted, her tickle spots, where the heating pads were stashed in her apartment - because she had multiple for easy accessibility depending on what room she was in while she was down for the count on her period, and he knew she’d had her heart broken before. But, he didn’t know every little detail about certain things yet.

Inuyasha had had his heart broken before, as well. He knew that feeling. He knew how gruesome and tedious it was to start over, how awful the idea of opening up all over again was, how awkward and weary it felt to tiptoe around specific subjects until you felt comfortable enough describing them, so on and so forth. He knew. Just, apparently, not as well as Kagome did. He was willing to guess that her heart wasn’t just broken. It was trampled on.

His most recent relationship was up and down. He and his ex were never on the same page. He fell quickly but his feelings were unrequited. Then, later on, she began to show more affection, but he’d become closed off by the time that came. Nevertheless, neither of them spoke those words. They never truly opened up about what they felt, how they felt, or why they felt anything, especially romantically. Up until now, Inuyasha had never heard the words, “I’m in love with you.”

Up until recently, Inuyasha had never felt the urge to say, “I’m in love with you.”

No.

That’s wrong.

Sure, recent was a broad term, but it happened several months ago. Several months too soon, he’d deemed. Kagome was playing with his niece, teaching the six year-old how to use a toy compass she’d brought home from class, and congratulating her excitedly whenever Rin got something right. His niece wasn’t shy by any means. She was talkative, playful, bubbly, and bright. But, she had this thing about being touched. She didn’t like it. Only certain somebodies could hold her, hugs were off the table unless you were one of four people, high fives were a maybe, and yet he watched the little girl ask Kagome to watch a movie with her when she was done with the compass, cuddle up next to her on the couch, and fall asleep on her lap without persuasion.

That was it. Kagome respected Rin’s autonomy and boundaries, and Rin let her in by the third time they’d met.

And, Inuyasha fell. Hard.

Again, too soon. So, not saying it was easy. No big deal. After a while, it sort of began spilling out in his idiosyncrasies, in the way he touched her, worshipped her, in the way he craved the knowledge on how to properly care for her. In his terms, he was being painfully obvious. It was almost humiliating how obvious he was being.

It just looks like it wasn’t obvious enough. How could he have expected her to understand? It’s not like she was fluent in his body language or habits. At this point, if she needed it spelled out to her, he’d happily do so.

Because, despite her overwhelming and damn near crippling fear she’d just waded through, Kagome still told him the truth. Kagome courageously stood there, attempted to look him in the eyes, and told him she loved him, no matter how scared or nervous she appeared. If he needed to say it back in order for her to understand, he could return the gesture without hesitation.

First, though, he needed to comprehend what was going through that head of hers. He wasn’t going to jump to conclusions. This wasn’t the time to do so. What she was feeling, that look in her eyes, it stemmed from something deep, something that wasn’t quite healed. He needed, desperately needed, to know what happened. He’d promised to keep his mouth shut earlier, but he hadn’t promised how long he’d hold that. She may have meant about that topic entirely, but that was something he couldn’t and wouldn’t agree to. There was no way in hell he was going to let this slide. Eventually, they were going to have to discuss this.

Now was that time.

Inuyasha suddenly stood, filled with a rage that had surfaced as soon as she shakily asked him if he still wanted her to stay, feeling so irate that he could only clench his fists and pace the floor. There was a good fucking chance this originated with her ex. Maybe her father, but his gut told him otherwise. The things he knew about that relationship were vague. Kagome didn’t like to fixate on it, which was reasonable for anyone who’d moved on, and they never really found a good time to open up about nitty gritty details pertaining to failed relationships; they were more focused on one another and their individual lives. He was fuming. What the fuck had that motherfucker done?

He knew they broke up over two years ago. He knew he’d dumped her just before their anniversary. He knew their relationship wasn’t entirely horrible, but much like he and his own ex-girlfriend, they were rarely on the same page. That’s about it, though. He’d heard a thing or two about how she’d realized way after they’d broken up just how toxic their relationship actually was - one of those late night, shower-thought epiphanies - but she never much elaborated. Hell, she talked about it all so rarely, Inuyasha had even forgotten the fucker’s name. He was her ex-boyfriend so that naturally deemed him irrelevant, because Inuyasha was her current boyfriend and that was all that fucking mattered. But, now he wished he remembered because it would make it at least a little easier to track the bitch ass down and punch his lights out.

She’d opened the door, and he needed to know what was on the other side of it. Inuyasha not only craved, but found it a foundational necessity to understand what had her so anxious to tell him how she felt. First, he recognized he needed to calm down. He couldn’t approach this with heightened emotion because it would cause Kagome to feel insecure and unsafe, which he would never allow her to feel around him.

That was hard for him to do, though. To swallow his frustration, push it aside. He felt things passionately, much like Kagome did. For her, for the light he always looked to for a sense of peace and felicity, for the woman he respected and cherished, he would do it. He could do it.

It took a moment, but Inuyasha left his room and headed to the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of water to sip on and an extra one for his girlfriend. The shower had stopped running moments ago, and the hairdryer was now blowing. She was biding time. Kagome, more often than not, let her hair air dry. This was killing him. The fact that she was so afraid, so nervous, the fact that she felt anything but contentment in the face of pure and unbridled emotion. Inuyasha just wanted to burst through the bathroom door and tell her to stop, demand she look him in the eyes and say it again and watch how he would never turn away from her. What could he have possibly said that had her more content with silence?

Content wasn’t what she’d felt at all though, was it? Even after he’d kept his mouth shut, Kagome was still trembling, still incredibly uncomfortable.

He was going to the bottom of this.

But, something in his heart wrenched. Overall, he just hoped with everything he had that she didn’t regret telling him.

There was careful deliberation on where he should wait for her. He’d debated standing outside the bathroom door to guide her back with him, but that would apply a lot of pressure straight from a safe zone. There was always the option to sit on the couch until she emerged, but still, he was worried she’d feel like she was under a spotlight. No matter what, Inuyasha was going to be taking her back into his bedroom. It was cozy and comfortable, and he just wanted to fucking hold her. The best course of action was to let Kagome come to him. When she was ready. No matter how much patience wasn’t his virtue. So, he ambled back through the doorway with both water bottles in hand, placing them on the nightstand as he got himself into more comfortable clothing. He’d never finished changing after dropping his shirt on the floor. He grabbed his grey sweats off the end of the bed and shoved his legs into them after removing his jeans, then fished a black tank top out of his dresser, easily and quickly pulling it over his head.

It wasn’t a bad thing that she’d told him. Kagome should be proud of herself. Over and over again, she’d repeated that in her head, but she couldn’t stop herself from feeling like she’d done something wrong. Maybe she’d put him on the spot and made him uncomfortable. She should have at least given him the space to tell her he wasn’t ready to say it back if that was how he felt. That she would have completely and wholeheartedly understood without fault.

Now she was stuck in an unknown area, her head was foggy, her fingers kept trembling, and her eyes were puffy from crying like a baby in the shower. The goal was to tell him how she felt. It was a step in the right direction. A step toward who she truly was behind the protective walls. From this point on, depending on how Inuyasha was feeling, it might be best to pretend nothing happened. Sweep it under the rug.

Everything was so conflicting, so turbulent, and Kagome could bring herself to do nothing but stare at the bathroom doorknob. Her hair was dry, she was dressed in her borrowed outfit, smelling purely of Inuyasha, and even though he still wanted her to stay, she couldn’t believe anything other than the possibility that she’d ruined everything.

What would happen once she exited the bathroom? Would things be uncomfortable? Would he be laying down in bed, facing the wall away from her, silent? Would he ignore her? Would he say something she was terrified to hear right now? Or, was she trapped in her unhealthy thoughts? Was she preparing a response to something that wasn’t waiting for her outside that door? Was she not giving Inuyasha the opportunity to respond in his own, organic way, expecting all the responses she was trained to anticipate before?

With a deep breath, Kagome reached for the knob, twisting it to exit. The apartment was as quiet as it was when she locked herself inside, the clock in the living room ticking loudly as she slowly sauntered through. Lights were dim, but the bedroom, through the opened door, was inhabited. The lamps shaded the white walls in warm hues, and as she got closer she noticed a very soft hum of music playing through the bluetooth speakers he had set up in there, quiet but still melodic and comforting.

Though her heart was pounding and a jittery sensation within her chest was causing her to tread cautiously, she followed the path into his bedroom, spotting Inuyasha sitting on the edge of his bed with his head in his hands. He was quick to notice her presence, sitting up and glancing at her, and even though she faked a smile with a curious notch of her head, it was clear he saw right through her. How wouldn’t he? If he already didn’t know her so well, it was obvious she wouldn’t go from cripplingly apprehensive before her shower to sweet and happy immediately after.

Inuyasha noticed the pink in her cheeks, the stupidly cute but feigned upturn of her plush lips, the way her deep eyes bounced away from him before coming right back only to repeat the same motions. His Kagome. His sweet, hurting, beautiful Kagome.

With an arch of his brow, the hanyou wagged his finger at her, ushering her over to sit on his lap. She was hesitant at first. She knew what was coming, but still, despite her slight discomfort, he released a small, breathy chuckle so she knew he wasn’t upset with her.

“C’mere.” He requested softly, patting his thighs.

“What?” Kagome returned, unsure.

“I want you. C’mere.”

Slowly, she crossed the floor, accepting her boyfriend’s support as she straddled his lap and got comfortable. An uncontrollable pout formed on her face when he looked into her eyes, she felt it, and humiliation washed over her, causing her to hide her expression between his shoulder and neck.

Inuyasha was patient, making sure she was secure in her seat before his hands traveled over her. At first, he couldn’t help but hug her tight. In this moment, Kagome seemed so fragile and he could already feel her body shaking against him. She knew he was going to talk whether she liked it or not.

Still, he gave her a little more time, relaxing against him, her chest melting on his, her arms wrapped around his shoulders but accepting his full support as his hands rubbed over her back soothingly.

“You want to tell me what happened back there?” He asked, opening back up the topic.

“Did I do it wrong?” Kagome spoke, her voice small.

“I’m not worried about right and wrong here, baby. Can you look at me for a second?”

Carefully, Kagome leaned back, giving him the attention he requested. His large, warm hands cradled her jaw, his thumbs caressing her cheeks, his eye contact firm.

“I never want you to be afraid to tell me something, okay? Especially, how you feel.”

Immediately, Kagome began to crumble. Her cheeks grew hot and her lips twitched downward sadly. Tears too quickly threatened her eyes, and Kagome was hasty to hide her face in his shoulder again.

“I need you to talk to me, Kagome. What’s going on?” He asked, returning to rubbing her back. In the silence as he waited, he picked up the back hem of the large shirt she wore, pushing his hands beneath so he could gently massage her skin. The heat from her, the softness, he craved it right now. “Was it something I did?”

Kagome fervently shook her head against him.

“I’m never going to understand unless you tell me, baby. That wasn’t the normal amount of nervousness you’d expect when saying something like that. So, what’s going on?”

“I just didn’t want you to feel obligated to say it back if you weren’t ready.” Kagome sniffled, hugging him tighter.

“Okay, I get that. And, what else?”

“That’s all.”

“You can’t lie to me.”

“Can we just pretend nothing happened and go back to our happy date night?” She whined playfully.

“Unfortunately, no.” Inuyasha chuckled, catching her small attempt at laughing off her problems. “I can’t do that while you’re crying on me, Kagome.”

“I’m not crying.” She sniffled again.

“Oh? You’re not?”

“Nope. These are just allergies.”

“And, what are you suddenly allergic to?”

“Feelings.” Kagome giggled, though she began crying harder, only because her boyfriend was being sweet and obviously getting through to her. She both hated and loved it at the same time.

Inuyasha kissed her shoulder, holding her a little tighter as his hand slipped higher up her bare back. The curve from her little slouch against him had her spine popping out slightly, and ever so softly, Inuyasha traced his fingers over the bones.

“What were you so afraid of me saying?” He all but whispered.

Mustering up some courage, Kagome leaned back, using one hand to meagerly clear her messy face of tears. She took a few unsteady breaths before speaking, her eyes falling to the hem of the collar of his black top, and she allowed her fingers to distractingly drag along it.

“I didn’t want you to tell me you loved me if you weren’t ready or felt pressured, because I don’t want you to take it back later on.”

The hanyou’s brows furrowed inquisitively and he was unable to bite back the reaction of his head cocking to the side in bemusement.

“What?” He almost hissed. “Why would I do that?”

Kagome didn’t answer, continuing to play with the shirt he wore.

“Kagome, why are you afraid of that happening? Don’t tell me -“ Inuyasha had to tense his breath in his lungs to refrain from letting his upset get the better of him. “Did your ex…?”

She responded with the littlest nod, worrying her bottom lip incessantly. “Multiple times.”

“Multiple times?” He echoed on an exhale, his expression widening. His hands were holding her hips, squeezing as comfortingly as possible, but Inuyasha was struck cold. Not only had someone shattered her, but someone managed to look at this woman on top of him and take back their love on more than one occasion? This girl? How? He’d only had her for half a year and he was scared shitless of losing her, so it didn’t make any fucking sense that someone would just toss her aside like that as if she meant nothing.

Slowly, Kagome curled forward, tucking herself against his shoulder. It was like a safety net. Inuyasha was so warm, he held her perfectly every time she felt emotional and vulnerable. As much as she didn’t want to talk about this, she knew this topic would come up eventually. It was a staple of her by now, something she was clearly conditioned to expect after years of receiving it, and even before she fell in love with the man stroking her back beneath her shirt, she knew this issue would arise. It wasn’t going to be easy or quick to work through, that was a given, and she knew he was ultimately going to need to know some of the toxic occurrences of her previous relationship; things that were done to her and things she’d done, as well. She’d considered it was going to be something he’d want clarity on as soon as she admitted her feelings. It was fair. Being on the other end of things, he deserved to know what she’d been through and why she inadvertently responded the way she had.

It was just hard. It was hard to think about and hard to talk about.

But, if she could power through her fear of admitting her feelings, then she could give him everything else, too. It was another step in the right direction, no matter how unsteady the pathway seemed.

“I told him I loved him first, and he responded by telling me I shouldn’t. He was my first love, so I didn’t really know how to react or what to say to that. It’s not like I could just take it back or agree or something.”

“Right.” Inuyasha almost hummed, listening intently to her explanation as he kissed her shoulder here and there.

“Almost a year later, he told me he was falling in love with me. A few months after that, he took it back and said he wasn’t so sure anymore since we’d been arguing.”

The half demon couldn’t control his reaction to hold Kagome a little tighter. It was like an attempt to protect her from things he knew he couldn’t begin to protect her from. If he could control it, no one would ever speak to her like that. No one would ever hurt her this way. No one would ever be able to apply that pressure to her shoulders, because how could she not feel obligated to be perfect and compliant in order to feel valued and cherished?

“Then, I don’t know how long later, he told me he loved me again. It stayed consistent for a while. He’d tell me periodically, particularly when I did nice things for him or if I said it first. Then, again, he ended up taking it back. I had felt it that time and asked him if he still loved me. He said, ‘I don’t know.’ Followed by,” Kagome’s fingers clutched Inuyasha’s shirt, exhaling tremblingly, though she had been doing so well at keeping it together. “‘Maybe soon I’ll love you again, though.’ So, I idiotically stayed. I held onto that hope. I waited and waited until we got into this stupid fight and he broke up with me the next day. He made sure to emphasize that he didn’t love me. But, said he might in the future, we’d just need to stay friends. ‘You never know what the future stores.’”

God, Inuyasha wanted to kill him.

“There was one night after we finally found separate places, we were packing, getting ready to move out of our shared apartment, and we were talking about old things. He told me he never loved me. And, I just never understood why things went on for so long just because he wasn’t sure. Why would you say it if you didn’t? Why couldn’t he have let me go sooner? What good was I if he didn’t even want me there? I wasn’t strong enough to leave, but he was because he literally hung that over my head for most of the time we were together, threatening me with leaving if I didn’t do something right. I have so many things to work through because of him, so many trauma responses to correct, trust issues that I’m projecting unto you, and he walked away like nothing ever happened.” Kagome cried, once again shaking against Inuyasha.

All he could do was kiss her, hush her soothingly, hold her tight, rub the hot flesh of her back. Let her cry. He understood now. He got it. It was why she struggled to take compliments the first time around. It was why she second-guessed sweet gestures. It was why she assumed everything was sarcastic and insincere. It was why she thought her love for him was problematic. She didn’t want him to say anything because she was scared of the words, “I love you.” They meant nothing to some people, they were used as tools, and so easily, they could be erased. Sad thing was, Inuyasha was sure that even if he said the words right here and now, she wouldn’t even believe him.

“Of course, he’s obviously not the sole reason for why I am the way that I am. Can’t give him credit for everything.” Kagome gave a wet giggle, again laughing through her problems. Her coping mechanisms were all over the place, but it was still cute.

Inuyasha sighed defeatedly, laughing lightly as he rested his head on her shoulder.

“So,” He breathed. “You didn’t want me to say anything because you figured nothing was better than something I could hurt you with.”

Her silence was as good as confirmation.

Inuyasha pulled her in firmer, an arm supporting her low back as he picked her up, rotated their bodies, crawled a little further on the bed, and laid her beneath him on the mattress. He had a knee between her legs, but rested on her side, an elbow propping him up while he used his free hand to gently swipe her tears away.

“It was more because I didn’t want you to feel pressured.” Kagome finally spoke after moments of peaceful silence, taking the opportunity he provided to calm down before continuing. “But, then I started to panic. I felt like this is supposed to be a good thing, right? Not everyone is going to respond the way he does, right? I just wanted to tell you so bad. It’s supposed to be a good thing, but I got trapped in my head thinking history would only repeat itself.”

“Baby, are you sure you were ready to tell me?” Inuyasha inquired, dragging his finger along her temple to clean the tears that followed gravity.

She nodded, her bottom lip quivering. “It’s bad enough that I’m afraid of love. I didn’t want to allow myself to sink and be afraid to love, too. That’s not me. I feel like I’d only be letting him stick around in my mind if I did that, but I just want to love you. I do.” Kagome cried, eyes falling away from him. “I wanted you to know, and I’ve been holding onto it long enough.”

Inuyasha leaned his head down, kissing her shoulder. It wasn’t enough for him. He needed to feel her skin beneath his lips so he pulled the baggy collar away so he could leave a tender and invisible mark on her clavicle.

“How long?” The hanyou breathed.

“A month or so.” She matched his soft tone, trying to steady her lungs and bring herself back to a calm. “The night you went on your business trip.”

“Europe?”

“Mhm.”

“Not too bad. It was the groggy voice, huh?”

Though her eyes were still wet and the hair at the sides of her temples were soaked, her cheeks flushed, Kagome glanced back over to him with a hint of surprise. “How’d you know?”

“Because, I knew I’d get a response from you. Always do.” He smirked, planting sweet kisses against her cheek, and moving up to kiss tears away.

“You know I like that?”

“It’s my job to read you like a book, baby. I take my work very seriously. You’re subtle, but I see things I do that you like. You’ve got little mannerisms that give you away.”

“Like what?”

He hummed a decline. “I’m not giving that secret to you. Let me have this. You know what I will tell you?”

“Hm?”

“Do you promise to hear me out? No interrupting, okay? Just listen to me.”

There was an increase in the tension that climbed through her muscles, and her pout turned weary. Inuyasha took a moment to continue kissing her temple, her cheekbone, his palm finding its way beneath her shirt to softly stroke her tummy. When she relaxed a little, he leaned back to look at her.

“Remember that day Rin took a nap with you? I stayed up that night. Couldn’t sleep. I had you here next to me, and I just couldn’t stop listening to the sound of your breathing. I was scared shitless, but the crazy fucking part was, even though you weren’t awake, having you right here helped keep me calm. It was counterintuitive. I was both scared of you and at peace with you. I wanted you to wake up and do that thing where you tickle the small of my back with your fingers because, god, nothing feels better than that. It was like you held all of me in the palm of your hands, and you could easily drop it in the trash at any given moment. But, it’s you. I knew you wouldn’t. That was my night, though. That was the moment I realized I was in love with you.”

Kagome hardened slightly, and he could literally hear how hard her heart was thumping within her chest. She didn’t smile, didn’t frown, didn’t make much of any expression really, aside from her brows giving a minor, inward twitch.

“That was quite a few months ago. Nothing’s changed. If anything, it’s gotten deeper. I’m so worried one day you’ll walk out those doors and never come back. I don’t want to lose you just as badly as you don’t want to lose me.” He was the one to hide his face this time, tucking it within her neck as he threaded his arms around her back, holding her close. He hadn’t expected her to clutch him in return, but she did. Immediately. Kagome supported him through his own moment of vulnerability, but more importantly, he felt it was a way to communicate her reception. “I don’t care how many times I have to say it until you begin to believe me. I don’t care what I have to do to make you feel secure in our relationship. I’ll do it all. You know I don’t say shit unless I mean it.”

“I believe you.” Kagome whispered, a small hiccup at the tale end that jostled her chest. “That’s the scary part.”

He nodded again, pulling away to gently press his forehead to hers for a moment.

“I get it.” Inuyasha breathed before leaning back to look her in the eyes. “But, one of these days you’ll understand that no matter what happens, I won’t take a damn thing back. You’ll see that I don’t want it back. I feel like my heart’s safer with you, anyway.”

“Stop it.” She pouted, but he knew that was her way of conceding. Even as she cried a little harder and tucked herself into his chest so he couldn’t see it. “You’re being too sweet. Be mean to me again.”

Inuyasha chuckled, raising his hand, “As you wish.” He said, smacking it down against her butt.

The little yelp she released was so sad but adorable as she flinched away from the sting, but it inadvertently brought her to cuddle closer to him. The hanyou laughed, brushing his fingers through her hair and massaging her scalp.

“Can you do something for me?” He asked.

“Hm?” She grumbled into his chest.

“Tell me again. This time look right at me. Don’t look away, don’t fidget, just trust me. That was my first time hearing it. I gotta hear it straight.”

She hadn’t realized Inuyasha hadn’t heard the words before. She didn’t know that. This was big for him too, if not bigger. Was she his first love? Was she the first person he’d ever said that to? Kagome felt a warmth course through her, and even though she was slightly nervous, she didn’t feel unsteady. Not while he held her. Not while his amber eyes were above her, watching her with an emotion she’d never before seen. She came out of hiding with a level of ease she hadn’t felt a moment ago, secure, one of his hands lightly trailing her side beneath her borrowed shirt.

Her fingers had a mind of their own, reaching for his cheek as she softly caressed it, her thumb tenderly rubbing over his bottom lip. “I love you, Inuyasha.”

It was like a sigh of relief left his lungs, and the corners of his mouth inched upward. His eyes were hooded with affection, and he leaned down to kiss her, lingering on her soft lips.

“Your turn.” Kagome whispered as he pulled away, her brown eyes shifting from his eyes to his lips.

It felt incredible that she wanted to hear it now. And, though he knew everything was going to take time until she felt comfortable with the idea that he wouldn’t take a damn thing back, he knew it would take time to work through her trust issues little-by-little, he didn’t mind. Because, she was his and he was hers, and he was all too happy to hold her hand and walk by her side while they figured everything out. He couldn’t fix this for her. He hated that he couldn’t take her pain away. That’s not how it worked, though. He knew this. She knew this. Inuyasha was her partner through everything, and he’d be the best fucking partner he could be.

He grinned with their foreheads pressed together, his hand on her waist gripping tighter as he couldn’t help but chuckle from sheer bliss. “God, I’m so fucking in love with you.”

Kagome smiled, pushing Inuyasha over to roll on top, once more straddling his hips as she gazed down at him. She wanted to burn this image of him in her mind. She never wanted to forget that soft look in his eyes, or the way he reached up and tenderly wiped away any remaining tears that stained her face. He meant it. She believed him. And, she hoped with everything inside of her that he never took it away from her.

She curled down, cuddling into her chest and Inuyasha immediately turned his head to kiss her forehead. He held her close, gently stroking her hair back and basking in her incredibly comforting heat. He loved her. He loved her so goddamn much. His Kagome.

“What do you need right now, baby?”

“Nothing.” She hummed.

“What do you want, then.”

He knew she struggled with that one, but whenever he asked, she did her best to communicate properly. “Touch my butt again.”

Inuyasha laughed huskily, his hands gliding down her back to take a firm and wonderful hold on her ass.

“And, pizza.”

“Oh, see, I’m a step ahead of you on that one. Ordered a couple before you got out of the shower.”

Kagome gave a short half whine - half squeal of happiness as she cuddled in closer and kissed his neck. “Thank you.”

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