#im an adult and ive been taking on most of the responsibilities at my own expense and she still manages to make me feel small lmao | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

risingscorchingsuns · 10 days

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hey guys! my posting/writing/general activity is probably going to get a little slower for a bit. i’ll still be here, but im going through a tough time right now. its been a frankly pretty awful week and im getting the feeling its gonna be rough for at least a solid minute. longer explanation below if you’d like it, but tw for mentions of trauma and abuse.

So ive mentioned it before, but i have complex PTSD. my parents split when i was very young, and my stepmom moved in with my dad almost immediately afterwards. when i try and remember it too much my brain gets foggy, but to put it simply, she was horrifically abusive to me and my younger siblings. she resented us for being born, as living reminders that my mother got to my father first. for over a decade she was the sole adult influence in my life, and from the age of eleven she manipulated me to believe she was the only person in the world i could trust. she bullied me for my neurodivergence, my appearance, my interests, anything she could get to lord over me. i had no escape for most of my formative years, because she cut me off and isolated me from any form of support I could possibly have, from trying to force me to change schools to convincing me my own father gave up on me. I only cut her off permanently last year.

Summers are really, really hard for me. When she and my dad moved across the country, I had to spend summers in Texas with her, and her alone. I had nobody. In a state far away from everyone who loved me, where she had full control and access to any form of communication. She’d regularly go through my messages I sent to friends, partners, even my mother to make sure I wasn’t “making up lies about her”. I was trapped, and completely, utterly isolated. Every day was about survival, and every day was about just making it to that night, through that hour, through that minute. Every single minute I lived in anticipation of the next, walking on eggshells to appease her impossible standards. When the weather starts to get warmer, my brain starts to anticipate going back there. I shut down, and go into survival mode. I have a tendency to isolate, though it’s something I’m working on.

The weather is starting to warm up where I live. I’m starting to get nightmares again, and I wake up feeling heavy. I’m stressed out all the time, and I constantly feel either hypervigilant to the point of paralysis, or completely dissociated. I know I’m in for a rough patch until my brain realizes I dont have to go back, and settles down my trauma responses. But it may be a while before that happens. I only ask to please be patient with me for a little while. I’m really sorry.

It’s hard for me to admit I’m not doing well. I might take this down if I find myself overthinking it. I will have good days, I always do. But for now, I’m in a bit of a dark place, and I deeply apologize for the resulting change in my interactions. I love you all deeply, and I want you to know I’m safe- I have a support system, and I dont ever have to see her again. I’m in a better place than I used to be, and I’m stronger every year. But the weather is starting to warm up, and I’m starting to shut down.

Please be well. I’ll respond to things as best I can, and I’ll still be around when I’m able.

Leon 🪲

#not kny #serious post #long post #tw abuse #tw trauma

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look-how-they-massacred-them · 9 months

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Preliminary Poll

Marinette Dupain-Cheng

Submission reason:

Reduced to only having her motivation be her crush on a boy repeatedly. Disallowed from being able to make mistakes or have faults. Made to take on responsibility for the mistakes of other characters to learn the ‘lesson’ of the episode.

They make her loose all logic when thinking about pretty much at this point nonsensical crush and make everyone against her when faced against the worst lies. They also make her know less about her own heritage than a white boy. Overall just the writer's only caring about making their white boy look good and limited her character growth and potential

victim of both the crew's misogyny n racism she cannot have something genuinely good happen to her a rule of the show's bible is that marinette must always be the one to learn a lesson pretty much every character in this show could be submitted including the writers' favorite boy adrien but im submitting marinette specifically as shes literally the protagonist of the show n they cannot be fucking normal towards a 14 year old asian teenage girl theres a lot of shots that show off her ass for ~totally~ no reason (there was even like a screenshot where it compared her normal ladybug model to one of her kwami fusion models n the kwami model dont remember which one literally had a bigger ass like what the fuck) surely theres nothing weird about how she has the most obvious body paint suit among the girls had a comic where she was depicted as not having any clothes after she changes back from being ladybug (something invented entirely for that comic alone n has never been a problem otherwise) leaving her to having to wear a fucking cardboard box n one of the crew literally drawing her naked n the show's creator defending them (ive never seen the actual art but the creator defending them does imply that someone on the crew did do that) n thats not even getting into the writing im not gonna touch on the racism myself cause i dont fully remember all the moments n might get some details wrong but from my experience it was relatively easy to find fans of color talking about it anyway the writers on this show seem to have a personal fucking vendetta against teenage girls n especially teenage girls in love i know chloe's been submitted a lot n shes is only one of many victims of it if girls like the same guy they will get into cat fights n be mean as hell to eachother (marinette chloe n lila) while if guys like the same girl theyre allowed to be friends n it not really factor into their relationship (luka n adrien) they write marinette as being weird obsessive n stalkery towards adrien simply because shes a teenage girl with a crush n lack awareness that some of the stuff would be entirely reasonable for her to know cause yknow adrien is literally a celebrity just cause they think peak comedy is bad stuff happening to marinette when she tries to move on from her crush on adrien (something they literally wrote her to do) cause its only ever resulted in her getting humiliated they yanked her back after giving her an actually good love interest who respects her boundaries just god theres a fucking lot going on here n i dont think i even covered the worst of it

her parents are literally based off of the creator n an ex girlfriend of his (his tweet stating that is still up btw) so to me that adds like a whole nother layer to the way shes treated in the show cause he called marinette his virtual daughter

Propaganda:

this is a show specifically designed to be as unpleasant as possible for anyone who isnt interested in watching a dumpster fire n there are aspects of it that make it legitimately concerning that its target audience is children especially young girls i wouldnt have as much of a grip with it if it was just trashy adult show but no this is for kids n its just gotten worse as time goes on it had a decent first season i watched most of it in one night when i was like 12 but godddd kids deserve media that actually respects their intelligence time n doesnt seem to viscerally hate them n this aint it

#look how they massacred them poll #look how they massacred my girl #miraculoustalesofladybugandcatnoir #mlb #miraculous ladybug #miraculous marinette #marinette dupain cheng

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theneighborhoodwatch · 1 year

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not to theorize hard bc im new here, but sparking off the wally & autism coding ask, what ive gleaned from all the info on how like. wally had to be taught what a joke is, doesn't understand hugs, doesnt say piss words - other than he's an audience surrogate as you said - i feel like is driving home the theme of being & growing up heavily sheltered. It comes through in the overall setting of the story being a children's show, Wally as the main character of the show is required to have a static, codependent relationship to Home for the sake of episodic material, also the benefits gained off ignorance by the person housing you (in this case, its entirely the show runners, but a real life parallel would be like an abusive parent).

The show's narrative necessitates his ignorance of simple concepts, even as an adult character, because the show requires it of him as a protagonist in order to keep writing material. There's a lot to be said just on becoming aware of that alone in the context of the ARG, but stepping back from it and thinking in relation to the real world, that's terrifying. It would be an indescribable horror to realize your entire existence has been catered to fit the narrative of someone who was supposedly taking care of you, which like. we're seeing the ramifications of that in the prologue already. It screams metaphor pretty much out the gate, I feel like. Admittedly, I'm also self projecting with this take on it by a LONG mile, lmao. not discoursing btw; while i do feel that the overall presented themes should inform the intent of the material, it's genuinely interesting to see the differing reads people have based off their life experiences. I also enjoy your analysis on WH, its all good food.

addendum i feel like i should add that my ask was all more a response to the idea of infantilization and child coding, not refuting that the characters have autism that would be buckwild

(context)

oh, no worries, i didn't take it that way at all! i actually agree with a lot of what you wrote, or at least i think it's very plausible in terms of Overarching Themes and Metaphors. i don't even think its mutually exclusive with the aforementioned experiences with one's own neurodiversity - i've written about that briefly before; it's part of what i mean when i say things like "cosmic horror coming of age" (meta horror coming of age, as well?)

i will say, though, i don't think it's exclusive to wally. as it's been said before, every neighbor is the nebulous age of Adult, even if some seem to be considered more mature than others even in-universe - but i think they each have some degree of immaturity about them, in their own way. their environment doesn’t seem to give them much room or encouragement to grow, for obvious reasons. something something status quo is god, something something their existence seems to be both sustained and limited by human interference, in all its imperfection and susceptibility to bias (particularly in the context of 60s-70s usamerican culture.) it's just that based on what we know so far, wally seems to exhibit this the most.

#banavalope #ask #welcome home #wh speculation #also. i hope this isn't rude or awkward but #you voiced a character from my previous special interest so i was very honored to see this lol

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femmeferengi · 2 months

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would love to hear more about your ocs if you’d like to share!

I’d love to!!! gonna put it under a read more so it doesn’t clog up anything

My ocs are (mostly) from this little farming moon colony in Cardassian space that was basically abandoned to be self-sufficient after the dominion war.

so essentially you remember the Maquis storyline where it said that all of them are in prison or dead or Voyager? I’m ignoring that a little but also using that. basically in the blind terror of getting away from the dominion a marquis cell (so about a dozen/two dozen people roughly) crashed onto this moon

There are basically two sets of ocs - the merge generation, where one of the farming districts, the Taar district, starts incorporating the maquis into their community due to need and resignation, and then there’s the colony collapse generation, which is the kids from the merge generation all grown up and contact a relief mission to help them before they lose their home

As for actual ocs, ive fleshed out the kids more because that’s where i started. Carver Raju Taar and Lelli Kozett are my favourites/most formed. Carver and Lelli are also the first Maquis-Cardassian merge children to be born, so they’ve been pretty knee-deep in all the politics over the roughly 25-30 years the colony has been on its own.

Taar’s mother Priya was an ex-Starfleet human Maquis that was pregnant when they crashed and presumed dead for a while after she disappeared. She was rescued and helped by Gena Taar and eventually they formed a bond. Carver was adopted by Gena after Priya died when he was still a baby, with Priya’s consent. Gena was pretty important politically for the colony and her adoption of Carver really fucked things up lol but no one could really tell her no and by the time people found out Lelli’s parents had gotten together so it was just dealt with in stride. Carver actually ends up being the person slated to take over for the district in the end, despite having older cousins, so he gets to be stressed about responsibility and a family legacy he has been routinely estranged from that he still longs to maintain. poor guy lol

Lelli’s half betazoid, half cardassian. Jaska Kozett and Eirris Zei were assigned to work together once the cell was discovered and subsequently fell in love. The maquis kinda saw it coming (Eirris wasn’t subtle) and so this was accepted with resignation. Jaska is important to the district, not entirely sure how yet, so she was pretty brazen once their relationship was public. Lelli is kind of a rainbow baby, her siblings didn’t survive, and she spent much of her childhood being smothered by her parents whenever she wasn’t with the district doctor. As a teenager her psionic abilities developed abnormally; she projects her own emotions constantly but has no read on others. Her dad managed to convince Vossa, a Vulcan (and Maquis), to teach her how to control her emotions when controlling the projection appeared to fail. As an adult Lelli has taken over most of the district doctor duties in secret with her mentor’s secret failing health. She’s also stressed lol and still completely unqualified to do the medical stuff she’s doing. She wants to leave the colony but responsibility keeps her there.

My other guys aren’t as developed/concrete yet but im concentrating on the district and cell rn haha. timeline wise i think that in the end the colony just cannot sustain itself and the kids who have defined themselves through their roles to the community are forced to reckon with what to do when that community may no longer exist ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ it’s a work in progress!!

#it’s been so long and yet it all still feels so half formed #but the story mostly follows Lelli and carver who btw don’t even like each other very much #they have a political alliance but they’re very much frenemies. no one else understands them but they can’t stand each other #very funny to me. what if you were besties with your work rival #anyway thank you for asking to hear more!!! i love shouting into the void so it’s nice when the void shouts back #fennels log #moon colony ocs

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entei · 1 year

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diary march 2023

my life has been weird lately.

i have been enjoying my new medication. i find myself taking joy in little things i previously found myself too pessimistic or focused on a bigger picture to slow down and appreciate. ive stopped dreading the hours after the sun sets and dont feel afraid being alone with my thoughts as much as i used to.

ive mostly spent the time trying to be present. mostly attending to my real life responsibilities and using my free time to focus on the people i care about and trust the most.

that being said, i still feel really incomplete. one of my goals with the meds was to feel more motivated in daily life. my executive dysfunction is something i had always attributed to my depression, but now that ive improved on that front its been easier for me to grasp my individual symptoms and what might be going on...

ive always known im neurodivergent in some way, and ive had some pressure on me as a child from the adults in my life to get it sorted out. struggled in educational settings. barely floundered out of special-ed tests and sessions. saw counselors long term. my parents hadnt thought me special in that regard though. jules has anxiety, most kids have anxiety. i had tried to communicate that i felt uniquely different a couple times but i was young, without the words to describe what i was going through, without the agency to seek psychiatry on my own, to even know that psychiatry was an option.

ive definitely also internalized some of the internet rhetoric ive seen about self-diagnosis even if i dont agree with it. i told myself for a long time that because an authority never told me i have adhd that i was being attention-seeking if i even SUSPECTED anything, not realizing that "hey, i identify with these symptoms and think i might have a problem!" is an important part of getting diagnosed to begin with 😭

all of that to say, i feel decently confident that i have inattentive adhd. ive spent some time researching and talking to friends who deal with it. more and more things become obvious in retrospect. i want to be able to think clearly! i want to be able to focus on one task for more than 15 minutes at a time! i want to go a day where i dont forget to do the most utmost basic things to care for myself like... eating!!!!

i feel bad for continuing to have to put my life and projects on hold while i get help (yay having to wait several weeks just to talk to my doctor for 10 minutes and get a referral to even get started), but i cannot stress how much i cant, like, DO!!!! i CANNOT focus. ever. at all. its SO frustrating, and even if i get diagnosed i have weeks or months of experimenting with different medications ahead of me until i might start feeling productive again. the thought really stresses me out. do i have adhd? who knows dude!!!! im kind of running out of options. the only way out is through (the perfume department).

#woowoo log

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beserkerjewel · 2 years

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So i read your response and I will say I'm a bit taken aback

I think starting it off by kind of dismissing me for my age was really innapropriate, I turn 20 in less than a month, not that it matters but I am still an adult, and I still have feelings. Just because I'm younger doesn't really mean that I should be kind of shoved to the side like that

Also you did kind of say, maybe not directly, that writer's tend to gloat and boast about their own works and not take criticism, I don't think I really interpreted anything wrong there but if that isn't what you meant by your wording then I'm sorry

I'm glad we are on the same page about really, kind of disgusting writer's/anons on here, and I'm sorry that I didn't pay attention to the fact that you are a writer, but I don't think you've read some really good writer's on here.

Fanfiction is still writing, and people can still write it beautifully, personally I think, and while they are not predominantly smut writer but @/neonun-au and @/husbandcheol are really really deep writers, i truly love their works and I think they can fit into the small catergory of fanfiction that reads like a book

I personally thought I was being pretty respectful with my opinions, I didnt bash you or anything and I calmly stated what i wanted to, I dont really think that shouldve prompted any passive aggressiveness but I do realize that getting an ask like that can be irksome, its happened to me before too

But i do think, if you state an opinion that you know would get backlash, and someone decides to openly respond to it, then you should be more open to that opinion, and not try to directly bash me for it, that definitely ties into the criticism thing

While i do still agree, we should totally push out all of the bad writers who write about really disgusting stuff, i dont think we should leave an opening to discredit some of the good writers on here like the ones ive mentioned that work hard

Fic writing isnt bad writing, just because its different doesnt mean it should be bashed

Im trying really hard to be as respectful as i can, truly, i dont want to come off as super rude or aggressive as i kind of had a problem with that in the past, i honestly wanted to just address this issue as it seems your post has been noted of in some of my personal mutual circles, i want to talk about this like adults

Hello i keep forgetting to make points im sorry, but i forgot to mention that im really glad that the ladder half of your post was respectful, as i was worried

Still, the first part make me kimd of go 'huh?' But i think for the most part we are on the same page, we just interpret things differently

Okay I can see how bringing up age is often dismissive and I do apologize for that. My logic was that, as a 31 year old, me fully blasting you would be inappropriate and would be a bad look on my part.

It's true that we definitely seem to have different ideas of writing, but you seem to have decided to misinterpret my words into something adversarial and keep putting words in my mouth that I didn't say. Fan fic writing isn't bad, but there are parts of it that do need to be called out, and that's all there is to it.

#asked and answered #huiranghaes #writing

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wildlycuriouswanderercj · 4 months

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Its been a while since i vented. I only vent when i need to let go of heavy baggages. Like a pile of shit in my chest. Idk if aum likes me. She out there with jonny in bangkok. With her friends. Theyre drinking. She doesnt call me. She looks like shes having rhe time of her life. Happy. Thats great. Thabks jonny of taking care of her. But personal i dont like that. I rather have her just wait st pattaya like a real girlfriend. And not go out drinking. She didnt have to go. Why her. Natapon couldve went. Why it had to be her. Why she making fun videos with jonny in the same room. Why is she seem so happy. Why she dont call me. Why she only ask what im doing and dont tell me what she doing. Why. Why so i even care. I dont like her. Shes too big for me. Her wnergy is good. But shes not the match for me. I think imma let her go. Its ok if we can still be friends. But i think im done with her. Im not jealous. Im not angry. Im kinda of sad. I want to do some muay thai. I think im going to stay in pattaya. Or im going to koh samui. I dont want to go home. Im going to save much money and live out here much as possible. I dont care about a silly tradtional dinner. Its my life. Its my last time i might be out. Im not going back until i use up all my money and more. I dont care about my credit. I just need to relieve my shit in my chest. I thought she csred sbout me. Im at these few days were i feel the most lonely ive ever been. Past month i been so fill with people. Today i meet yan and izaya. It was fun listening to and talking sbout japanese culture anime and songs and showing them thailand. But in the end im alone. And im sad. I need some company. The time i need company rhe most i dont have anyone to share with me. Its 3 in the morning. Cant sleep. But ill try. Tmrw i go eat more laksa. Because thsts my favorite. I wont post anymore on ig. Im done with ig. I dont care unless its somone tryig. To contact me. Which thwres nobody to really contact. Maybe we go see alien eye girl. Maybe not. She kind of freak me out. Tmrw we go for a run. Then a workout. The. We go eat laksa. We get in shape this year. We get smart. We est fish. We get fast. And we live well alobe. We need to take care of ourspeves. We can only rely on our own company. We dont need anybody else. We dont want to reply to anybody. Anyone. We dont need anyone. We have ourselves. Thats all. We only eat good. No. Tmrw we go eat poke. We only est dry food from now on. Bread. Pasta. Salad. Fish. Kura kura is ok. We will no longer reply ro aum. We are finish. She wasnt there for me these few days. She make me worry during tike i neeed company the most. I needed someone to talk to. She wasnt there during these most critical times. When school starts in 3 days or 2. I wont have the time to be lonely. Ill be busy. So busy i dont have time for anybody. Not for love. Not for anybody. Just me and the spirits and lessons. After this 4 weeks. We go back to soi 7. We get our roght chest done. We dont drink for a day. We go pattaya at night. We get the piece done the morning of. We dont drink that day. We go and simple relax at the beach in jomtien where nobody is. We just chill. We drink coconuts and eat at terminal 21. Becuade thats our favorite chill time. We go find a gym. We work out. We lift. We relieve ourselves we get fit. We just strong. We go shopping. We got buy expensive necklace for protection. We go visit our friend in big buddha. We pray to the gods for protection and guidance. We give back to the great society of thailand. We stay in pattaya until tatto is finish healing. On the 6 or 7 we leave to koh samui. And thatll be that. We dont want to go home. We dont need to go home. Home is not where we belong. I need to live my life my way. I need to become my pwn adult. I need to take responsibilities for my only life. We dont not need to chade fame. We just need to know oursleves. Life live life outside our comfort zone. Live below our means. And ask marco if we can borrow 3k. Or 2k. We go koh samui we race we love. We meet and see new places. And we go koh tao

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greetings-humans · 10 months

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introductory post (includes some interaction boundaries, more details on me (ao3 acc, etc) & a dni under the cut)

yeah it's about time I made one of those ig (disclaimer: I'll edit this, if/when the need comes)

so, hi! im deelay! you can call me dee, if you want! [btw if you know my irl name, not here you don't unless we're DM-ing]

gender is so weird and I'm okay with any and all pronouns (barring it/its)!

for details on what to use when talking to me or about me (like pronouns and gendered terms etc) you can go here

-currently in uni, studying to get an english degree (every new thing I learn about teaching makes me want to yell at some of the teachers I've known, did they even study in uni? did they even keep in touch with pedagogical studies?? definitely not, form what I can tell)

-im a young adult and that's like all imma say age-wise. however please take that into account when interacting with my blog! i don't wanna dni under 14s, but some of the reblogs/posts here might not be what I'd have been okay with seeing when I was under 14. so yknow. exercise some modicum of caution please.

-I'm technically a writer? like I write,,, supposedly lmao. like all the greats, the one thing I never seem to do is yknow write-

I write sometimes, let's say. and I'm also really interested in writing my own crime fiction novel one day. but that's for some day in the future lmao

-definitely a reader tho (yes ao3 and i are in a committed relationship)

my interests and fandoms are. a lot. for example (and in no particular order):

DC (the bats, mostly)

the magnus archives (ive never listened to a podcast before and I'm just around the end of s3 as of April 2024)

fullmetal alchemist brotherhood! (i used to have roy on my pfp, he's my favorite character! i also wanna write a huge character analysis essay on him but uni responsibilities mean that's very slow going)

riordanverse (pjo, hoo, magnus chase, a little bit toa, pjo show [which was very good, it just needs more screen time to fix up the pacing and add more depth in the appropriate moments])

star wars (prequels, kotor, clone wars)

criminal minds (im at early s13 as of November 2023, so mind your spoilers humans) (ngl as of Jan 2024, this hyperfixation of mine is dying a slow and steady death but who knows there might a revival one day)

jujutsu kaisen! (I'm just about to finish s2 as of April 2024 but I know what's happening by the end of s2 and I've given up on the storyline so spoil away, I'll just ignore you and okay in my fanfic sandbox:] )

yuri on ice is an old love of mine (ice adolescence😭😭 one day😭😭 oh one day😭😭so that was a fucking joke, mappa count your days and also im stealing viktor you can't have him, im gonna write iceado WITHOUT YOU) (well imma write it with a friend but like most importantly WITHOUT MAPPA and I urge all creative yoi fans that think they wanna try doing their own version of iceado to go ahead and give it a go!)

sasaki to miyano (saw the anime and the movie and fuebdehhshahgdhe)

haikyuu!!(all caught up, manga and anime-wise! also patiently waiting for the movies that should've been a season but anyways they better not fuck this up too much-)

bungo stray dogs is also an old but semi revived interest of mine (im pretty much up to date with the manga, just haven't read all of the light novels)

tian guan ci fu / heaven official's blessing (as of Jan 2024, I've finished s2 and tgcf is amazing it's wonderful, im starting book 1)

there's like. so much more.

sooo muuuuch moooreeee

so I'll just let you figure the rest of it out

If you wanna see some of my thoughts without infinite scrolling, you can also search for the tag "deelay words".

Another tag of mine is "deelay's tbr" (which stands for "to be referenced") which you'll find at posts that really make me Think™ and that I want to keep in mind when I do anything creative with the characters involved.

That said, I'd also appreciate it if you gave me a heads up on spoilers in any asks.

When interacting with my blog, if you want to avoid spoilers at all costs, I suggest blocking the fandom tag because what you consider spoilers might not be what I consider spoilers if we're at different arcs of whatever that media is.

if you're here for any of my fics then well.

if you're here for pjo, um. those fics are truly discontinued/on indefinite hiatus. that hasn't changed. I have tentatively decided to attempt to reread some of the books, and I'm also watching the show, so if I get inspired enough and manage to plan out a decent fic out of Percy Jackson Revealed,,,, then maybe there shall be a fic. But!!! I have no idea what the ending is gonna be, and without an ending I'm doing nothing because the chances of me dropping the fic (again) would be higher than my anxiety during exam season (aka very very high)

if you're here for the man behind neal caffrey tho!! hi, there. I am working on that sequel, don't worry. it's just long and I'm also working on uni and this other writing project I have going on. feel free to send me an ask with any questions or comments or whatever.

unnamed grishaverse project: yeah so, I have a project going with my friend noel @fifteenth-entity, we're fixing the darkling! this fic will take place like around 50-100 years pre-alina, and will feature the darkling doing darkling things while that generation's most prominent grisha (aka a bunch of queers) also do things that may or may not affect the darkling. and his views. and personality. there may or may not be character development in the works. (there is, he gets better). this fic is canon divergent before canon even happens. the entire plot of shadow and bone will be eventually reworked. (also, no darklina, no darkling romance, in general, this boy needs to get mentally healthy without worrying about romance or sex okay) [for more info on this just search "unnamed grishaverse project", it's the tag I've used in like the only post about this. do feel free to send me an ask about this tho!!]

Another thing: If you have a genuine, not malicious or mean-spirited, question, feel free to send me an ask. Keep it chill, though! if you try to pick a fight i will delete the ask for the first time, but on strike 2, you're blocked.

i like to think that I'm open to discourse but not if you're starting out all aggressively cause if you're aggressive, I will be defensive (while privately having a panic attack) and we're not gonna get anywhere.

so. once again for the people in the back

If you're here to pick a fight with me then gtfo please.

I don't like fighting, it makes me anxious, so save us both the trouble and be as civil as you can be if you have a disagreement with me.

that said, unless I'm literally at your post saying shit you disagree with. don't come at me. literally block me. it's fine. I quite literally do not mind or care. like, if you saw my post or reblog and decided I suck then just block me will you? if your goal is discussing tho, then go on!! debating can be very fun!

Moreover, if you ever want fic recs for a fandom I'm in, you're definitely welcome to send me an ask! but if you don't feel like talking, anything I will ever tell you is straight from my ao3 bookmarks. sooo, feel free to hunt around those! [in case the link isn't working for you, my ao3 username is Justice_not_Revenge]

ao3 disclaimer: anything before 2021 is not necessarily something I claim. So like don't think I'm into this thing or that I'm passionate about this ship just because in 2019 I bookmarked 100 fics with it, people tend to grow and change so yeah.

some generic DNIs

if you're anti-lgbtq+ in any way

if you support AI art or AIs stealing fic content

if you support relationships between adults and minors (with an age difference over 1-2 years or sth)

racists, ableists, sexists/misogynists (yes incl. swerfs), incest shippers

literally anyone who thinks violating someone's concent is nice and fun and quirky

okay that's all! thank youuu-

#introductory post #dni #btw im treating my dni like a fucking contract which is why it's a bit weirdly detailed #im just covering at least a lot of my bases #i don't wanna leave a lot of loopholes there and all

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fraener · 1 year

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2/27/23

im drinking some tea that tastes like oatmeal with syrup in it. it’s chai and chestnut tea together with a bit of milk and sugar. last night i made lamb chili and watched a movie from my childhood. i really liked the message of it, i remember it didnt take off quite as big as other childrens movies at the time and i think its cause it had a very clear but convoluted storyline revolving childhood trauma and building resilience from an understanding that things always change and move and the future may be better. this morning i just read something about children being outside of the time conception of adults and how we force them to see and feel time the way we do as they grow up. ive been wondering if time moves so quickly for us because there are so little joyous surprises. all of the surprise is reserved for accidents, illness, death, bad news. our days are too carefully planned by ourselves- children have most things planned for them and we do our best to give children enjoyable and kind experiences. i wonder if things would be different if we treated one another with the compassion we have for children. i also wonder if things would be different if people surprised one another with joyous things more often as well. it shouldnt be rare to hear that someones partner or friend planned a whole day(only just a day) just for them, full of things they thought they’d like and all of it a surprise. children get that every day. im often convinced i knew just as much when i was a child as i do now. it feels like the other wrench in the machine is knowing too much about people. i used to know much more about the smaller animals and plants and things and i felt more like i could be on their time. less responsibility then or more forgiving responsibility so i could do things at my own time was something different as well. i havent been trying to juggle everything for very long, only a couple of years, but i really dont like having so much responsibility. im not sure that anyone does. i want to relearn surprise and find ways to live in which i dont have to “carve out time” from my day. i dont want to live with time anymore and i think id feel a lot better about it if it wasnt so engrained in me at this point. I shouldnt be able to guess the time down to a 5 minute range at any given moment. i remember some of the days going fast when i was a child and some of them going really slow. i dont actually think that time felt like it moved slower then or necessarily that it feels like its getting faster now, i think im just being forced to pay way more attention to it than i used to. this week some of the days have gone really slowly and some of them have gone really quickly. time passes much faster when youre deep in thought or in rest or in a project. time passes slowly when youve got a lot of things to do. i think it might be about finding contrast or ways to build contrast so the different types of time feel more varietal. and to find people who will surprise you. its been snowing on and off the last couple of days between the rain and the freezing. im nearing the end of the quarter, the buds on the oak are getting fat and anxious, ive been hearing the finches rehearsing their spring songs. i feel very clearly that the thing missing from my life is attention to the right things- attention to detail, attention and trust in joy, attention to time moving slowly. a lot of me is consumed by other things. i want to divert my attention away from my obsessive thoughts and cycles. i know this ocd flareup isnt about the food at all. it has nothing to do with food. i think thats just something my parts decided they could control. i think school and the emotional fallout from being in a big abusive relationship and then several smaller, sometimes more disrespectful relationships has really sent me spiraling. i think i need to focus on figuring out what exactly i >can< control.

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reqvlvs · 3 years

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id personally like to address a few things ive been seeing in response to monday's episode because i like putting my personal opinion into places people don't want it :)

first off, need i remind some of you that Maddie has a mental illness? mental illness isn't rational. to her it seems like she's doing the best she can in order to protect her daughter. while we are aware that this is not true and that'd she'd never purposefully hurt her daughter, Maddie doesn't see it this way. some of you Maddie antis are using this to prove that she's a bad person or a bad sister to buck and it is really fucking annoying. buck is a grown ass adult. he doesn't need his sister to rely on so that he can have stable mental health. i get that he loves her and hates seeing her hurt because everyone with a relationship with their sibling gets it, but buck will be fine. can we, for this one, just focus on Maddie and hope that she gets home and she gets better instead of focusing on how bucks dealing with it? this is not to say that buck isn't going through it and that buck doesn't have a right to be sad, i just wish we could take the time to acknowledge Maddie is not a bad sister and that she does love buck, but she for this once needs to take time for herself.

second. read this very slow so you'll understand what im saying. eddie would never, EVER threaten anyone. this one's specifically for you fanfiction writers. a lot of you take Eddie's overprotective behavior towards buck and you think he'd literally kill a man for buck. while it is true that Eddie will do anything he can to protect buck, he would never go to chim and threaten to hurt him if he "ever touched buck again." like i said before, buck is a grown ass man. he knows how to figure out his own shit. Eddie loves his team, they're his family, he's protective over all of them. sure there might be slight preference towards buck simply because of how close they are, but he would never go up to chim and threaten to hurt him over a split second mistake. you all took Eddie's Street fighting arc and just ran with it, making him out to be a violent person. when Eddie was street fighting, he was going through a lot of things that he didn't know how to handle. fighting was just a way to get out everything he was feeling, albeit in an unhealthy way, but he didn't know how else to do it. he's grown since then. he's realized he can deal with his emotions in some other way. that whole POINT of him going to therapy was so be could work through this issues without violence. and and regardless, if there was anyone would understand what chim is going through, it's eddie. he too has been left by his child's mother before. he understand the emotional termoil that comes with becoming a single father out of nowhere. he understands chim. he'd never hurt him.

third and finally, i do not in anyway blame chim for punching buck. i really don't. while everyone has no doubt been going through it since Maddie left, chim has really really been going through it. he's been left alone with his daughter and his girlfriend could literally be anywhere. a situation like that is understandably emotionally taxing. he's going through a lot right now with almost no way to regulate his emotions. he's angry at himself, he's sad no doubt, and he's scared with no way to regulate this emotions properly. of course he was going to snap eventually. so when he found out that buck had been talked to Maddie, every emotion he was feeling bubbled to surface just exploded. of course, violence is never the answer and chim did make a mistake but i understand why he did what he did. and most importantly, he will apologize. once he's realized what he did and how he hurt buck, he will apologize, because chim understands and grows from his mistakes. you people just have to give him some time jc.

also to the fanfiction writer i saw saying that when Maddie came back that she should be mad at chimney "for not looking for her" a giant sincere, fuck you. chimney has literally been working himself to the bone in order to find her specifically as she said NOT to. Maddie might be slightly upset about went on between chim and buck but she would never be mad at chim for not looking for her. jesus christ y'all, i fr sometimes think im not watching the same show as everyone else.

anyways, feel how you feel about the latest episode, just make sure you take into account what is going on around theses characters and their actual personality traits. shit is happening and they're all going through it. and that mine friends, is the second installment of opinions no one asked for

#911 #911 opinions #911 show #911onfox #911 fox #eddie diaz #maddie buckley #howie chimney han #evan buck buckely #madney #buddie #911 5x04 #buck x eddie #chimney x maddie

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mitts2002 · 3 years

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Aight’ Bet

Hi this is my first time posting on here so I hope whoever is reading this enjoys!! This is a noritoshi kamo x reader where the nori and (Y/N) need a little push from their wonderful Gojo sensei to finally confess~

"Dont you think (Y/N) and noritoshi would make the cutest couple!?" Gojo screamed over the phone to Utahime who sighed in response.

"I can't help but disagree Gojo, Noritoshi doesn't seem ready for a relationship plus is the only reason you rang me really to discuss our students non existent love lives?" Utahime retorted knowing that the couple would in fact be adorable yet refusing to accept that Gojo could actually be right about something.

"No Utahime! I bet if them two were able to spend a few hours together the tension would build up so high that one of them would burst and BAM a couple would be born" the blue eyed male replied, the volume of his voice increasing with each word trying to convince her that they were the highschool sweethearts the jujustu world needed.

“How could you even say that!? I get that its cute whenever they glance at each other and shy away with cute little blushing cheeks but i bet it would take more than a few hours for a whole relationship to-” “OH you bet“ Gojo interrupted an obvious smirk on his face knowing Utahime wouldn’t back down from his advances.

“you know what i meant idiot i wasn’t actually trying to make a bet with you especially after what happened last time” the black haired woman scoffed after hearing a chuckle through the phone.

“Aight’ bet! tomorrow ill bring my second years to kyoto for some training and then lets see if something happens between our precious students“ Gojo proposed excitedly as if he were a child in a sweet shop.

“you know what fine! and im only agreeing cause i know nothings gonna happen tomorrow between them i mean noritoshi is too stiff and (Y/N) always backs out last minute” utahime exclaimed not wanting to prove Gojo right. “GREAT! if i win then you will have to be my slave for 2 whole days and if you win ill be your-” “wait i never agreed to that!” “see ya tomorrow then!” Gojo had quickly rushed his farewells before hanging up relieved he avoided Utahime’s lecture.

"Alright class!" Gojo sensei yelled excitingly as he burst through the doors. This overgrown man child always had something new, it could never be a regular class where his students actually learn then were let out for a break. No Gojo Satorou had to be the most extra male on this earth and for the first time ever it worked in his second year student (Y/N)'s favour.

"What it is now?" Maki groaned with an annoyed expression on her face. No one could blame her though after all the blindfolded man put his beloved students through. "Don't be so sour maki! Be like me a sweet little mochi~ Oh and before I forget I wanted to let you all know that we will meeting with our lovely sister school for some training. Isnt that great!?" Gojo sensei had announced clapping his hands and smiling brightly.

'I wonder if training is all this is' (Y/N) thought to herself realising how sus this situation was before speaking out "wait Gojo sensei weren't we meant to learn a super secret technique today? You said that you were gonna show it us yesterday and that nothing could stop you" (Y/N) questioned as Inumaki gave a little "shake" for support.

"Well my dear (Y/N) something VERY important has come up and we must go to kyoto immediately. You have no right to deny and we will be leaving in 30 minutes so go grab whatever you kids need" Gojo sensei had practically sung before skipping out the door. What an odd man everyone collectively thought before getting up to grab whatever they needed.

30 minutes has passed and in that time panda had gathered his and maki's weapons while you and toge stocked up on cough medicine and basic medical equipment. The journey was short since Gojo had practically teleported you all there and all that was left was to approach the students.

A few figures from the distance were slowly coming into view and (Y/N) could vaguely make out that only utahime, miwa, mai, momo and noritoshi had attended this last minute joint training.

Despite the others reaching and gathering around your small group of second years giving their greetings the only thing your eyes could focus on was noritoshi’s thick black hair as it gently swayed in the breeze. Honestly it was as if the man was in a L'Oréal advert or something.

"(Y/N) stop staring we all know you both have this weird thing going on but we're here to train not flirt dumbass" Maki had whispered into your ear but little did she know that you were in fact here to flirt and not train due to a certain bet between two teachers.

“alright kids listen up! me and the wonderful Utahime sensei have set up this last minute training as its always good to train with new people and techniques. Everyone will be working in pairs“ Gojo announced before Utahime continued.

“The teams we decided on today will be Maki and Miwa, Momo and Imumaki, Panda and Mai then (Y/N) and Noritoshi. Eveyones free to do whatever they want in their sparring matches just don’t severely injure each other, me and Gojo will be watching over the matches and determine the winners“ Utahime informed all the students before they scurried off to in different spaced out areas.

"So Noritoshi how are you? Its been a while since we've last seen eachother" (Y/N) said trying not to let her nervousness show.

"I'm alright just studying and training to be honest. Although I recently started to practice cursive and can even write my own name now" he responded with pride and a small nice.

You laughed causing Noritoshi to cock his head to the side in confusion. "Is there something wrong with cursive?" His deep voice asked with clear offense.

"No no it's just that's so freaking cute and you look so happy about it too" (Y/N) teased with more laughter and ruffled his hair

"Oi don't touch my hair do you know how long it takes to do these wrap bang things?"

"Well how would I know I've never done them nori"

"Well one day I could teach you if you'd like" Noritoshi offered looking to the side trying to hide his red cheeks.

"Aww I'd love that I'm awful at doing hair to be honest so learning some new styles would be great but first we gotta get this dumb sparring match over and done with" (Y/N) moaned as she got into position.

_______________________________

An hour had flew by and the students were taking a break from their matches happily chatting away while the teachers spoke in private about their progress. “come on look at the way they look at eachother OH (Y/N) touched his shoulder SHES FLIRTIN-” “GOJO SHUT THE FUCK UP YOUR SO DAMN LOUD” “sorry but loooook they in love” Gojo cried out with fake tears in his cerulean eyes

“Alright lets just observe look theyre going to the vending machine to get some drinks like FRIENDS DO“ Utahime emphasised on the friends worried she might lose and become this awful mans slave for 2 days.

_______________________________

“Nori im gonna go get a drink from the vending machine do you want one?” “Actually ill just come with you if you dont mind” “OH sure thats fine does anyone else want anything!?” (Y/N) yelled to the whole group receiving a choir of get me this please or get me that and the single tuna mayo.

The walk to the vending machine was quiet but a comfortable silence had fallen upon the pair. It was always like this when you were around Noritoshi Kamo. Peaceful. She didnt feel the need to go the extra mile to entertain him or ensure he wasn’t bored in your presence as your playful banter and sarcastic remarks towards one another was enough for the both of you.

“(Y/N) is it me or have Gojo and Utahime sensei been staring at us more than the others?“ Noritoshi questioned unable to shake off the feeling of being watched. “Um i’m not too sure i havent been really paying attention to anything other than yo-“ Embarrasment washed over (Y/N) as the words flew out of her mouth before she could stop herself.

“Is that so?“ Nori smirked slightly as you swore you could drop dead right here in this moment. “No i just meant that” “Meant what?“ Noritoshi interrupted leaning closer as you fumbled through your words

“OH LOOK the vending machine is right there better get those drinks“ You quickly said and scrambled away before Noritoshi could get any closer.

“SEE Nori was too intimidating and (Y/N) ran off despite clearly wanting him! its never gonna happen today“ Utahime whispered to Gojo benhind the bushes as he shook his head. “Trust me i have faith in my wonderful (Y/N) I AINT RAISED NO BITCH“ He exclaimed in response while Utahime facepalmed.

The two young adults had collected all the drinks they needed and were ready to walk back to the group. ‘come on (Y/N) you’ve liked this man forever now and everyone knows he must like you back ITS NOW OR NEVER HOE’ (Y/N) screamed words of encouragement to herself before grabbing Noritoshi’s sleeve.

“Is everything alright (Y/N)?” “I have something ive been meaning to tell you Nori, I um like you a lot and i’d like to take you out if you dont mind” (Y/N) had practically yelled at the poor boy because of her stupid nerves and adrenaline.

The silence was broken by an angelic laughter coming from none other than Noritoshi Kamo. “Well i would’ve liked to be the one to take you out but i guess sometimes its alright for traditions and stereotypes to be broken by the younger generation” Nori responded as he walked closer to (Y/N) wrapping his arms around her and pulling her into a sweet kiss. The kiss was messy and clearly new to the both but filled with much love and passion that was finally being expressed by the pair.

As their lips eventually pulled away never wanting this to end, heavy breaths filled the air and cheeks flushed but all that was interrupted by a white haired male clapping in the background screaming “YES I WIN” while the other teacher crouched to the ground tears in her eyes.

#kamo noritoshi #noritoshi kamo x reader #jjk x reader #jjk fluff #jujustu kaisen #jjk noritoshi

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animereaderinsertwriter · 3 years

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Cupbearer (Eren/Reader)

Part II

Part I (complete)

Part III (complete)

Part IV (in progress)

Warnings: MINORS DO NOT INTERACT (im watching you, if you see this, begone!), vampire!eren, hunter!reader, fem!reader, smut, some amount of predator/prey dynamics but only kinda?? there is also a significant age difference but only cos eren is immortal and all that jazz. we're all adults here. there will eventually be smut.... and do i really need to say that there's gonna be blood in a vampire fic?

Description: A story of falling in love in 4 parts.

Eren is a bad man (well, a bad Creature) who has done bad things. When he meets the great-great-great granddaughter of one of his former friends in his favorite blood bar, however, he thinks it might not matter so much what happened in the past, so long as he can make the future something worth living to see.

Ao3 link here

Making deals with a vampire was one thing, (Y/N) supposed, but fulfilling such a deal was quite another.

When Zeke— who held the contradictory position of the regional Commander of the Hunters as well as the alpha of a local werewolf pack— had approached her with the idea of infiltrating Eren Jaeger's inner circle, she had jumped at the chance; her great-to-however-many-degrees grandfather really had been Jean Kirschtein, and she had read his old journal, and her curiosity about the Old Ways was always bubbling just beneath her skin. Zeke, she thought, must have known of her curiosity, because his offer had been everything she was searching for.

You'll have your answers, he told her, And we'll have ours. One way or another, the problem of Eren Jaeger will be solved through your efforts. There is no possible way to lose.

If only she had known how wrong Zeke had been.

At first, things with Eren were simple— well, as simple as things could be with such a delicate arrangement. It had been beyond easy to bait him into approaching her at the Creature bar on 76th Street, and aside from the first time, allowing time for Eren to feed was almost nothing. Even the process of feeding itself wasn't much of an ordeal— there was hardly any pain since he drew from her wrist after a warm soak, and the whole thing took less than five minutes— but around the second time, when the visions began, things began to be… different.

Little snippets of Eren's past began to come as the two of them interacted more and increased the amount of regular feedings. Sometimes it was as little as a feeling, a memory of a face that (Y/N) had never seen before; other times, it was like (Y/N) was truly there centuries ago, in a land that would one day become her home. Now, almost every time she let Eren drink from her, she was thrust back into a world where humanity was (literally) with it's back against the wall, fighting demons and mindless monsters just to survive; and, sometimes, the visions were so intense that she would come back from them terrified, shaking, and incapable of cogent thought. It was during those times that Eren held her, silent, resigned, and yet somehow caring until she was herself again.

It was strange; in the visions, Eren was often passionate to a fault. He was wild, like an animal, but kind, too. During times like these, when he cradled her in his arms as she was trembling with the force of a particularly poignant memory, (Y/N) wondered if the centuries had truly changed him, or if he hid that passion beneath the jaded indifference she had come to expect.

"You think too much," he told her as she buried her face into the crook of his neck. "Your heart is racing."

Of course it was— the terror of watching hundreds of people be consumed by the very wrath of hell itself would do that to a person— but (Y/N) had no rebuttal. She did think too much, and the end result was muddled reports sent back to Zeke and a clouded heart.

"You loved her."

It was a statement, not a question. Mikasa— the brave, beautiful woman that Jean Kirschtein had once loved— may not have always known it, but Eren truly had felt very deeply for her.

"More than life," Eren replied.

(Y/N) thought back to the memory— the sheer panic Eren had felt at the thought of losing his comrades, the desperation with which he strove to save them— and she amended her statement.

"You loved them all."

Eren hummed.

"More than the wide, wide world."

And (Y/N) thought that, perhaps, he truly meant it.

"What did you see this time?" he asked, his voice soft.

(Y/N) pulled back so that she and Eren were face to face, her legs straddling him. His eyes were glowing-green, and she shivered beneath their scrutiny.

"I saw a field full of demons," she told him, unable to meet his gaze. "You and Mikasa were defenseless, yourself having been pushed to your limit, and Mikasa's blades having been broken. There was nowhere to run, and you— you screamed, and—"

A large, warm hand caressed her cheek, and it occurred to (Y/N) that it was her own blood within Eren that gave him such warmth with which to comfort. She placed her smaller hand atop his, and the world seemed to freeze for a moment to allow this brief, intimate interlude.

"Do you understand now?" he asked as he did almost every time she had a vision. "Do you see why I did what I did?"

As always, (Y/N) shook her head, moving his hand from her face.

"No, I don't."

The response was never met with anger or frustration; Eren was only ever resigned to it. Before, (Y/N) might have felt scorn for such a man who cared so little, but now that she had seen who Eren had been, what he'd been through… perhaps he was simply tired of caring so much.

"You're beautiful when you're thinking."

The words caught (Y/N) off guard. She had known that Eren had thought she was attractive— his emotional feedback told her that much— but she had never thought that he would voice such a thought. The compliment heated her cheeks, and (Y/N) had to fight the urge to bury her face in her hands.

"I've always thought," said Eren, speaking slowly, choosing his words carefully, "That one can never truly appreciate the beauty of a blush until one could see it with the eyes of a vampire, or smell it as it rises on the cheek."

Eren placed a hand on her face, tilting it until their eyes were level.

"And as a vampire who has seen many beautiful blushes on many beautiful women, yours is the most bewitching of all."

(Y/N) swallowed thickly.

"Why are you saying this?"

Eren cocked his head to the side, studying her. It was a long moment before he spoke, but when he did, he gave an answer that (Y/N) was not expecting.

"Because it's true, and because I would very much like to kiss you."

(Y/N)'s heart leapt into her throat, but she didn't dare move one way or the other. She just stared at Eren, slack-jawed, as he stared patiently back.

"Why?" she asked when she had collected herself.

Eren shrugged. "Does that matter?"

(Y/N) supposed very much that it did matter, but she didn't feel the need to say so. She studied Eren closely— the latent hunger in his eyes, the set of his jaw, the stain of her blood on his lips— and she thought of how gentle he had been with her, how patient. She had no doubt that he would prove to be equally so in other matters, and she wanted him— but something stopped her.

It would be wrong of me to allow this, she thought, letting her eyes wander to Eren's lips. I'm his enemy, a spy for the Hunters. Allowing him and myself the potential of intimacy is too deep a betrayal, even for me.

Even so, she didn't stop him as he shifted her closer; even so, when his lips brushed hers, she kissed him back, tasting her own blood on his tongue.

"This is a bad idea," she whispered against his lips, shifting in his lap.

"How young you are," he said in return. "There is no such thing as a bad idea, only poor timing and execution. Take it from someone who has centuries of experience; rarely ever is the regret for having done something greater than the regret of not having done it."

So saying, he kissed her again, and (Y/N) threaded her hands in his hair as he reached beneath her shirt. His hands— warm, now, with the heat of her own blood— reached beneath the cup of her bra to cradle her breasts, and she exhaled a hiss as his fingertips found her nipples. She arched into him, pressing her flesh into his hands and parting their lips; he chuckled, dark and low, and she shivered at the sound.

"How many other Creatures have you tricked like this?" he asked, pressing kisses against her neck. "Tell me, pretty girl— just how many have fallen prey to your charms so that you can run back to your little doggy master with their deepest, darkest secrets?"

(Y/N) froze, stuck somewhere between fear, dread, and ecstasy. Eren knew— somehow, he knew— and yet he continued to touch her, kiss her, caress her as though nothing were amiss. Her whole body went still with shock, but Eren never stopped even for a moment.

"Come now, you can't think I didn't know." His lips were just below her ear now, and he closed his teeth around the lobe, teasing her with the sensation. "I can smell him on the papers in your bag; I can hear the clicking of the letters as you type your memos after I've pieced you back together for an evening. Most of all, I can hear the way your heart pumps a little faster when I feed you the information you want. I can taste your guilt in the very blood I take from you. You can hide nothing from me."

"Eren," she said as fear— rancid and terrible— began crawling up the back of her throat, "Eren, please, I haven't told him about the important things, I'm trying to make a case for you—"

He pulled away then, and when his piercing green eyes locked with her own, she stilled like a sparrow caught in the gaze of a cobra.

"I don't care," he replied simply. "You are what you are, and at your core, you cannot change that. It is the same with me. I'm not afraid of my half-mutt half-brother no matter what you tell him, and as long as you want what I have to offer, there's no reason not to take it for your own."

(Y/N)'s mind was reeling.

"Half-brother?"

Eren chuckled at her confusion.

"Oh yes, pretty one. Zeke Jaeger is my older brother, and I suspect he sent you to me just to you with the both of us." With a carnivorous grin, he added, "But little does he know that I play for keeps, and you're not the good little Huntress he must assume you are— that is to say, he must have no clue at all how hungry you are for vampire cock, hm?"

(Y/N) would be lying if she hadn't pictured Eren in… less than appropriate situations, but for fuck's sake, she wasnt blind. The man— vampire, Creature, whatever— was fucking gorgeous, and he damn well knew it, but that didn't mean she was gagging for it.

Did it?

"We can't do this," she said, pushing at Eren's chest, though he didn't budge an inch. "We shouldn't do this."

Eren cracked a grin, toothy with fangs that glistened.

"Says who?" he asked, his large, strong hands coming around to grab her by the ass. "You were perfectly fine with letting me kiss and touch when you thought I was in the dark— is it no longer any fun now that you don't feel like you're taking advantage of me?"

(Y/N) couldn't take it.

"Eren, be serious—"

"I am serious."

When she looked in his eyes and reached out with her own heart, (Y/N) knew that he was telling the truth. He wanted her regardless of anything, regardless of everything.

He simply wanted her.

Could that be so bad?

***

Eren didn't think that this would happen even in his wildest dreams, but when he saw (Y/N) splayed out on his gold silk sheets, he knew it wasn't the madness that Armin accused him of lying to himself about. No mind, well and whole or not, could ever conjure up such a vision. The woman who lay before him— naked and gorgeous— was beyond imagining. She was something from another world entirely.

"What are you doing?" she asked, puzzled as Eren stood over her, watching the rise and fall of her breasts. "Come hold me."

And how lovely was that? His natural enemy, his perfect prey, asking him to come hold her, as though his skin on hers was blessed assurance that he was there and wanting.

Maybe Eren was mad— or, perhaps he was dreaming. If he was, he hoped he never came back to himself. A world without this was not a world he ever wanted to return to.

"Yes," she hissed as he crawled atop her, his mouth suckling at her breast. No other creature that walked the earth could ever taste as sweet as her— having tasted many, many before, Eren would know— but even were that to be disproved, Eren wasn't sure he would much care. This woman would be his undoing.

"Touch me," she demanded, canting her hips up to him. "I want to feel you."

How could Eren ever deny her? He brought a hand down to her sex, caressing her there before parting her folds to quest for her clit. Having found it, he drew small, teasing circles, and she whined.

"Am I still a monster to you?" he asked into the hollow of her throat, placing biting kisses there as his hand kept busy with its work. "Still something to hate and abhor?"

"You're still a monster," she replied, so startlingly honest even now, "But I never once hated you. Oh Eren, please, I want you inside me, I—"

Her wish was his command; Eren plunged two fingers into her depths, and (Y/N) gasped at the intrusion. She was so wet already, and so tempting as she squeezed down on those fingers, rocking her hips as he withdrew them just to the tip and repeated the motion. The way she felt around his digits shouldn't have turned him on as much as it did, but as Eren slid in a third finger, he had to keep himself from letting out a groan.

"You're so beautiful," he told her as she writhed beneath him. "You truly, truly are."

Distantly, Eren wondered what Jean would think if he were alive to know who was finger-fucking his great-granddaughter, but when Eren remembered the nasty right hooks the taller man used to give him when he was being a shit, he figured that he would rather not know. Still, as he watched (Y/N) come undone on the tip of his fingers, he couldn't help but think that perhaps it was something of Jean's spirit— the part that even Eren had to admit was better, kinder, more human than most— that drew him to her.

"I want you," he said, withdrawing his hands and licking his fingers clean of her juices. "Do you feel ready enough?"

And then, as though to prove his point, (Y/N) sat straight up with the cutest little Jean-like scowl he had ever seen and pushed at his chest with no small amount of force. He went with the motion, and he found himself being mounted by her as she said,

"I'm not made of glass— if you can't wrap your head around that, I'll have to show you just what I'm capable of."

She did— and how! Powerful thighs— the thighs of a Hunter— levered her up and down on his cock, squeezing him until he thought he might die from it. He thought she was never going to stop impaling herself again and again, and by the time she did eventually tire, Eren was sort of hoping she never would. He was in ecstasy with her, and like the selfish bastard he was, he wanted it to last forever.

"Such fire," he said, reaching up to press kisses into the skin just between her breasts. "You've made your point, now let me take over."

Let me take care of you.

"Yes, yes, yes," she chanted as he thrust up into her, the head of his cock buried so deeply within her that he marveled at how she didn't seem to be feeling any discomfort. "Oh fuck, right there, please don't stop—"

Eren didn't stop; he couldn't. He was beyond restraint.

"May I?" He asked, tapping the wrist that was trapped in his right hand. "I won't take much, but I want to show you something."

Delirious, drunk with lust, (Y/N) nodded, and Eren pierced her skin with a single fang, letting a drop of blood fall onto his tongue. In that moment, as they connected physically, her blood connected them spiritually, and Eren groaned as he physically felt how close she was through the link he had created.

It wouldn't be long now.

"Oh, fuck!" she cried, and Eren buried himself as deeply as he could within her as he came. "Oh, oh, oh—"

And then (Y/N) was following him, shaking and gasping as her orgasm overtook her. It seemed that the world had stopped existing for a moment, and Eren found it hard to breathe even though he had no particular need to do so at all.

In the afterglow, they clung to each other like the survivors of a shipwreck; when the world began to exist again, it felt new, and as Eren closed his eyes to sleep, he knew that this changed everything.

I must keep her, he thought as sleep overtook him. I don't know if I could feel like this ever again for anyone else.

#aot x y/n #aot x reader #aot #aot fanfiction #eren x reader #vampire!eren jaeger #aot smut

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fairycosmos · 3 years

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hey! i just saw your post and i was curious: what do you miss about being 17? is there anything you would change if you went back to that age?

this is a super interesting question for me and it's about to get SADDD but i promise i don't mean for it to like. lets not read too much into it - you don't mind if i get dramatic right? lol but basically i have a million answers and im sorry this is gonna be so long. it's funny because i didn't particularly enjoy being seventeen at the time, but if i could go back, i would. i think the glorification of youth in general has left a mark on me - you feel like youre going to live forever, and the world likes you young. especially if you're a woman. most importantly though, at that age i had ample time to fuck up. i was just drifting along taking classes i wasn't even sure i was into but it was okay because thats kind of how everyone else was back then, too. it was normal to act like a dumb kid because thats what i was. it was alright if i stayed holed up in my room for a week straight, and it was alright if i spent nights out getting fucked up and not coming home till the next day. nobody cared. and technically i could still do that now, and nobody would care, but it would come with this added heaviness. a layer of intangible responsibility and the ever present knowledge that time is running out. in a very real way. the change has somehow been subtle but brutal at the same time. it's kind of like that thing lorde said about being a teenager: all my life i’ve been obsessed with adolescence, drunk on it. even when i was little, i knew that teenagers sparkled. i knew they knew something children didn’t know, and adults ended up forgetting.

so now i think i'm forgetting it, whatever i knew back then. it's weird because i was always very aware that i would get older and that the future would be full of grief. and i didn't really take advantage of being young. i actually kind of wanted to grow up because i thought it meant life would improve. i was always told i was mature for my age and all that crap. but it's one thing to know it and another thing to experience it and lately ive been experiencing it a lot, the start of it at least. i think this is all leading up to what i miss most about being seventeen and that is that is that my sister was alive, and my childhood didn't seem so far away, and future worries were just that. future worries. i didn't think life would die out around me this quickly honestly, my own life as well, and its messing me up. to answer your question, if i could go back i would do everything differently. i would have way more fun, and i would actually try, and i would help the people around me more than i ever did back then. i would just enjoy not having to know what to do. i would just "be" better. if i had been aware that the next four years would be like this it would have scared the shit out of me. there's things that have happened that can not be reversed or helped, and it's super hard to comprehend that the consequences fall on my shoulders. now i just have to sit day after day knowing that it's too late, and i never had that feeling when i was seventeen. and it's like, one of the worst emotions to carry around with you so yeah. i miss not having to mourn all the time and not having to care about tomorrow!

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saudade-mayari · 3 years

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I don’t blame people who says Aizawa is a bad teacher or a hypocrite, but you’re an account that I am comfortable sharing this because you also love eraser head. (It’s okay if you don’t want to post it)

Even Aizawa admitted to himself that he is a terrible teacher and mostly forced to teach as based on the vigilantes manga where Nemuri recommended Shota to be a teacher, but what he did to DEKU is somehow relevant for me.

Yes it is true that during the first part he hated Izuku’s guts and regarded him as having no potential but Aizawa was also testing the kid because whichever way watchers should know, Aizawa is right on the fact that Izuku just can’t attack recklessly and impulsively after having such destructive quirk. He did not disregard Izuku’s quirk, he is merely testing the kid to find his other resolve. As for Bakugo’s case Aizawa truly had a hard time disciplining him but he is watching him closely like what Mitsuki (Bakugo’s mom) said, so when All Might took tutelage of Midoriya (and Bakugo) he had no objections because as a HOMEROOM teacher, All Might is the best training for Izuku’s quirk (which is relatively passed onto him)

He is never a hypocrite for teaching Shinso. I don’t see anything wrong about that because I really understand that some training teachers have their own prodigy and he’s a homeroom teacher all he is accountable off is the overlooking at the their hero training which he did well because he focused on the student individual’s strength in the summer camp.

Aizawa also mentioned in a chapter in manga (254) why he expelled students in the past. He knew his capability as a homeroom teacher and he himself knows that he is a terrible teacher hence, re-enrolled them to other school where they would work with a new homeroom teacher. Some may see it as escaping of “escaping duties” but I really think during that time, Aizawa was just thinking what he thinks is best for the students. Afterall, he had proven himself good in manga as someone who really cares for ALL THE STUDENTS.

Blaming Aizawa for the events in 1A is practically uncalled and irrelevant, might as well just say the entire UA should be held accountable. He just had a poor decision making most especially when the truth about Kurogiri is revealed. However, even though he is not the best teacher, I can safely say that Aizawa is a decent and good teacher.

v v v long post ahead

yes anon!!!!. not my biased self speaking... he is not as great as other teachers, but saying shouta is a terrible teacher is uncalled for. he is a decent prof for me. made some mistakes, helps his students. it’s decent.

i firmly believe aizawa and all might are better example as a pro hero than teachers.

(Gonna point some of his mistakes in my perspective as a former teacher under the cut)

he was strict for a reason but he showed his care for all the students during the fight in manga (not gonna say since its spoiler) even aizawa himself knows he is terrible at teaching but at least he is trying😂

i also heard fans saying that because momo, tenya and todoroki are from rich and well known prohero family aizawa never bothered to scold at them. AGAIN IT IS WRONG TO SAY THAT.

momo, iida and todoroki...yes rich and families are known for being heroes but they practically never did anything to trouble aizawa so why else bother them? during their test, aizawa gave advice for todoroki and momo which considerably helped them.

aizawa’s way of teaching is to give harsh critiques and let the student have their own resolve. but as a former student and teacher speaking, it is both right and wrong to have that approach.

it’s definitely okay to let them figure out their own resolve (HAPPENS A LOT IN MED SCHOOL PROFS ARE HARSH HUHU) but it is important to somehow give them base and foundation before actually figuring out their so-called own resolves. i think it’s what aizawa lacks the most AS A TEACHER. but then again his entire character build up clearly says he’s not for teaching.

he was also called a hypocrite for teaching shinso but they aren’t picking on all might for mostly focusing on deku nor endeavor only wanting to focus on shoto. it’s not wrong to have their own prodigies because at the very least aizawa helped overlook his students like what he did in the summer camp and like what all might did in student practicals.

not just aizawa but all might, endeavor, nighteye and even gran torino have personal decisions on closely training those selected kids

aizawa WAS the only teacher who called the entrance/admission test irrelevant for non-physical quirks. HE KNEW IT WAS A PROBLEM SO HE HELPED SHINSO TO BE ON HERO DEPARTMENT bc he know the kid’s opportunity to be a pro hero in the future. he experienced that himself, although his quirk is powerful it was completely non-physical that is why his and shinso’s ability are less likely to be recognized. coz i agree the quirk admission test was somehow iffy... there should have been psychological quirk test too but i understand the point where fans tell that “it’s a student’s job to take advantage of their quirk rather than complain in the disadvantages of having a non-physical quirk.”

I agree on that statement but as a former student myself, i think reconsiderations should have existed coz there are probably lots of great students in general course department (like shinsou).

—and tbh... aizawa and kakashi are often the teachers who are regarded as ‘terrible ones’ but i don’t think so.

im not gonna point out kakashi’s but im gonna say aizawa’s role as a homeroom teacher. back in highschool, ive homeschooled in japan for 2 yrs due to personal reasons and i can say that based on their culture in japan and asia countries in general have a different approach on homeroom teachers.

homeroom teachers in japan are technically the ones who overlook the students, ppl who argued that aizawa should train them is irrelevant because all might is their combat and hero training teacher. aizawa is not meant to teach, but rather supervise.

which is why aizawa (as the homeroom teacher) and all might (the hero training teacher) are the ones who had council with parents because technically, aizawa is responsible for the students safety. HOWEVER....

manga spoilers on the cut

some anti aizawa fans are totally wrong to blame everything in him for 1A always being in dangerous circumstances because after reading the on going manga, they have no damned idea AT FIRST who the league of villains is responsible of. THE ENTIRE UA SHOULD BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE, not just aizawa I agree on that anon.

for aizawa and the rest it is still a puzzle in the early, i repeat early chapters of the manga what the league is really after aside from killing all might and changing the system of pro heroes.

yes. I agree he had bad decisions on the victims, mainly Kurogiri because he knew it was his friend. He regarded Kurogiri as a ‘victim’ but somehow disregarded the casualties it caused. It was irrational for aizawa to say it like that coz it was obviously a word out of his feelings in the past. can’t blame him (imo) but it was truly irrational and irrelevant for him to say it like that.

there are times aizawa as a teacher just harshly criticized them and let them have their own resolve which is in fact, pretty harsh for a bunch of 15 year olds. but i think aizawa only wants them to have their own resolve since its what aizawa has been doing since episode 5.

i think it was bad for aizawa to let iida go where his brother was attacked, he should have acted upon it as a homeroom teacher to secure iida’s safety but then again, ITS FOR THE SAKE OF PLOT😂

im going to say this again... as a former teacher speaking, it is bad for aizawa just to give the students harsh critiques and letting them figure their own resolves.

it’s not a bad teaching approach BUT that kind of approach doesn’t work ALL THE TIME. sometimes, aizawa needs to teach the basics, base and foundation so the students would have an easier time to HAVE AN ACTUAL SOLUTION

because as a student for 9 years in pre and med school, it is definitely hard to make critical decisions WITHOUT being taught the foundation and base first.

it’s like aizawa not teaching an intern general surgery but letting them have their own decisions if the intern is gonna decide whether to lead the surgery or not.

his teaching approach is not bad but it doesn’t work all the time. as a teacher, pro hero and adult he needs to imply his own experience as well which where the erasure hero lacks. But then again it’s plot and aizawa’s introvert character build up so we can’t really blame him because they need the plot to keep going.

personally, aizawa’s main mistake is not knowing what to teach for the answers to questions the students are not expected to know from teaching answers to questions the students are expected to know.

if aizawa’s gonna be that perfect teacher and all, the show would have been boring😂

though aizawa did assessed on their quirks during summer training arc but i think it was not enough for the fans.

aizawa is much more better as a pro hero alone. he does his job perfectly as pro hero.

so in conclusion, i think aizawa needs to have seminar with me 🤪 im gonna teach my man the proper and basics of teaching. HAHAHAHA KIDDING 🤪 (lowkey not kidding)

#READ MY LAST PARAGRAPH #THAT’S THE BEST RESOLVE #shouta aizawa #aizawa shota #eraserhead #aizawa shouta #aizawa sensei

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