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#im gonna put random tags now
allcre · 1 month
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loser.
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silenthillbunni · 3 months
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📓🕯️🐇🖤pt.2
#only 30 tags lol i ran out... so furthermore#we only get one life. im gonna try as much as i can to enjoy the little moments. nd to not give up on myself nd my life#i will die one day anyway. why rush it. i'll enjoy as many books and as many walks and songs and tv shows as possible#if i get a loan nd have more money i wanna bleach my hair nd dye my hair green#and later this year i think i might change my name#it was the name i wanted to change to from the beginning. but i was in such a bad headspace i just picked eden at random#i do kinda like it now nd im attached to it but i more feel like this other name actually is me. my birth name nd my current name dont feel#really right. so maybe. i havent decided yet. like i rlly dont know. im also attached to this name for some other reason. like it's who i am#to a person i rlly like and if i change... will i be anything to them? i cant put it into words but that makes me hesitate#but it's unhealthy to stay attached to someone i cant truly have even if i want to. so i mean. idk im just weird abt it#but i do kinda wanna change my name (to embla. my mom wanted to give me that name but my dad was like nooo >.<) i am not 100% sure tho so#when i've been getting used to going to school nd working out at the gym. nd after my surgery nd i have more energy#i will try to face my avpd and try apps for making friends. there r two apps where u can find new girl friends!! maybe i can try that#also like i've never tried apps but i think maaaaaybe i can use bumble to try to find friends and women to date. potentially. idk.....#rn it's hard for me to think in those terms bc. i mean i am hung up on someone!!!! i cant evwn imagine dating or being intimate w anyone els#sometimes i feel like.. they're the only person i've ever felt like it'd even be possible. who i'd event want to do that w#not only physically but emotionally. so ig it's even harder to let go bc im so scared i will never feel like that w anyone else#but i rlly need to try to make the most of whatever life i have. the world will collapse soon anyway#that makes me even more sad that i cant be w who i wanna be w nd do what i wanna do but#all pain will all be completely descimated eventually. it's not forever bc life isnt forever#i've just never felt this before. like i want smth to be real so bad but if it happened once surely it can happen again? right?#i wont spend my life alone without intimacy and love and comfort nd support nd understanding right???? :o hope not#im still so sad nd exhausted rn. nothing in my life is working nd theres no repreive nd no help#it gets sooo hard to endure everything sometimes when everything just keeps piling up and gets so heavy it feels like im drowning#nd atm i dont feel like i have any anchor. nothing that keeps me grounded nd im just floating away nd im constantly being overwhelmed by my#feelings nd emotions. im like a stupid little kid who dont understand how to handle what im feeling. or make rational decisions#i feel so ... stupid and useless. i dont know what im doing. i have no idea. i have no compass. its so scary
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jonny-b-meowborn · 9 months
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Okay I've been thinking about the lil cute therian fic I've been writing, and I think I know how I wanna end it and it's like. Very much self indulgent not really accurate to the mechanisms canon and way too cute but the thing is I can do whatever I want forever so I think Im gonna do it (I'm only like idk 1/3 done tho so don't get too excited fjdnfjndn)
#okay like im gonna spoil it in tags#this is my warning there will be nothing else in the tags#so basically in the fic youre a dog that got kidnapped by the mechs with a bunch of your coworkers#a heist just for fun and to kill some random people out of boredom#but you survive on the ship bc you hide#but then Tim finds you and at first jonny tells him to kill you like the rest#but tim is like. hold on. that person is not a human i dont think. i don't wanna kill an animal#and jonny is like this is stupid. but whatever. were gonna put it back on earth were not keeping it timothy#and thats pretty much all i have for now#but then you just kinda. hang around on the aurora while youre going back to earth and you meet a few of the other mechs#they all have different reactions to you but in the end everyone somewhat accepts that youre a dog#and i wasnt sure how to end it#one option was to just go back home and be done with this silly little adventure and go back to living a normal life as a person#but youre happy you finally met some people that accept you for what you are even if for a moment#the other option would be to stay on the ship kind of as a pet#but that felt a bit off to me because youre not a literal dog youre a human that is a dog yknow. and that feels a bit too. idk weird#but i think i got the solution#what if. you get mechanized#and your human body is replaced with an anthro dog. so you can still be a thinking person you were but with a body that makes sense#like kind of like a permanent fursuit but more metal#and yeah that doesnt make much sense in the mechs canon like thats too nice of them and ill have to think of a good reason for that#but wouldnt that be just. so cute#like thats honestly the dream#i love robots and i am a dog so. if i could get mechanized to be a steel furry id agree right away like not even think about it#kind of like in that one love robots and death episodes with the kitsune#that scene where she transforms into a robot fox is my favorite in the whole ep i think and it honestly gives me species euphoria#so yeah i think im gonna ignore canon for that one but and give the reader/mc a sweet happy ending#and now youre a doggy pirate in space surrounded by people who are okay with that!!! isnt that the best#therian#bee buzz
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currentlyonstandbi · 1 year
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#look this was probably the most experimental post i've ever done considering i had to make the newspaper article from scratch#and to be entirely honest i uuuh im not happy with it lmao#i should've done an obituary instead of the article but too late ! i have no energy to start again#but whatever .the point is that the article is supposed to allude to alex's death okay so yes obituary would've worked better but too bad#idk i think i just had a massive brain blegh halfway through which sucks because i was thinking about this post all day#but the idea behind the whole concept and the QUOTE in the first place and the stupid article concept#was the idea that nigel wasn't the only one to kill himself at the end of the film#alex did too . just not in the literal sense#alex kills the old version of himself . kills the who he used to be#this did not do that quote or the intention behind the post justice but i'm just gonna dump it here and go#also deep in tags is the best place for me to put the random shit i'm thinking of and i've had the trainyard scene on my mind lately#but i left my thoughts to simmer too long and now it's been reduced into thickness 😞 but anyway#greg may have been too much of a coward to give them the maraclea ending they deserved#but he will never be able to take away the fact that the trainyard scene will always be their version of the myth TO ME and me only probs#okay because that story is supposed to parallel the typical conventions of marriage - the consumation when he lays with the body#and then 9 months later the skull symbolises a birth resulting from their union#that moment at the railway ? where nigel shoots himself with the very gun alex is holding?#that's their consumation babes; their union; their wedding#'pray for me pray for yourself we're one now' may as well be their vows#and what do we get as a result of that union 9 months later? we get jack#jack is the product of these 2 people becoming 1 and just like the skull granted great power to the lord#so too does jack grant power to alex; the power to take control of his life and forge his own path forward#me making this post 🤝 cats : oooooo big stretch#seriously#lowkey glad no one will see this in the tag search lmao#like minds
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arthur-r · 6 months
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so close to finally buying a folding cane can i have some words of encouragement maybe?
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ehnrat · 1 year
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i was also lookin up the full versions on the KHR songs and i saw that ponycanon uploaded one of my fav endings 3 weeks ago and HRMMMMMM
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lipstickontheglass1985 · 10 months
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star trek tng s5e5 disaster would be such a beautiful name for a babygirl btw
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todayisafridaynight · 11 months
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'im gonna sleep' he lied
#snap chats#i love making the main text Bullshit and then putting the actual post below. ive said this before but idc its my art#its like... the main text is the title and the tags is the actual article.... does that make sense#i should sleep my eyes are heavy but im being tormented by concepts i want to execute#gotta apologize for all the arasawa posting as of late but ive been enabled#tbh on the lowest of keys i did post bout them on occasion in the past but. but now it's feel-speed ahead#twt has been driving me insane so i just need to hop aboard me other boat yk what im saying... please say you do i refuse to elaborate#for the sake of the people i wont but man if you know you know#anyways. the actual meat of this text post See All That Preamble Shit is meant to deter people. it is a warning#'i am bring cringe down here do not look. wait for it to be art so it's harder to ignore'#'snap i thought you didnt like sharing things if you were gonna do something with it' ok well the delusions are strong tonight#and im too tired to do anything and ill prob be too brain dead to do anything tomorrow LET ME SPEAK#ok cringe time. i just think jo gradually accepting physical affection can be something so personal and good SUE. me.#and when i say 'gradually' it will be ten years before he accepts it and even so it'll be quietly#i think by his 20's hes beyond flinching/wincing at random contact- or at the very least he's very good at suppressing the reflex to#more so if its not something like a handshake- like just casual contact- i imagine he's more confused than anything#i had friends who were obsessed with like. hugs and holding hands and those things always had me like ???#i imagine Same Shit for him ☠️ 'this isnt a bad thing but this isnt something im familiar with What Is???? this feels weird.'#im gonna make myself throw up thinking anymore about this. i be making these hardened yakuza men sweet and sentimental#twitter really is decaying my brain....#let me be worse. cause i hope arakawa introducing that sort of physical affection rubs off on jo. no where near the same level as arakawa#but itd be SOO funny if like.. jo starts walking close enough to occasionally bump shoulders with him#i hope when arakawa starts nodding off in the car and ''''accidentally''' lays his head on his shoulder he stops tensing up#heaven forbid jo even rests his cheek against arakawa. id be ill#Let Me Clutch My Pearls For This One i hope when they hold hands jo starts to hold arakawa's a lil tighter than he used to#just very /very/ little things like that. very little things that'll still make me insane I'M DELU-LU TONIGHT SORRRYYYYY#expect more of this bullshit but. in art form in the future. whether it writing or drawing idk i just need it#i need it injected right into my veins its my weakness your honor TAKE ME AWAY i AM guilty for making the scary gangsters cute#ok im pissing off fr now bye.
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ram-blings · 25 days
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introduction for you sillies
hi! i'm elio or sy, and i use he him pronouns! :3
i honestly don't know what i'm gonna use this blog for, but its here for any passing thoughts i have :evil: i AM a minor, so please don't be weiiirrrddd i also might post art here!! im currently in a art flood AIUGHG some boundaries/info below!
• no sexual comments please! one, i'm greyaroace, and a minor! thank yeewww • i'm okay with being tagged in tag games, but don't be excessive please! • if i post art, please don't send criticism unless i specifically ask for it! same goes for any writing i may post! • i'm alright with PMs, but please don't be weird, i BEG • if i'm comfortable with you, i may give you an alternative social platform to talk on! it's a lot easier that way, in general. • i am okay with tonetags being used towards me, if it makes you uncomfortable for them to be used towards you, please let me know! (i know some people don't like them!) • i will rant endlessly if you give me the chance. slash ess are ess. • if you need anything, don't be afraid to talk to me! i don't mind ^_^ thank you for reading this u silly goober goob <33
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robotiv · 6 months
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sims 4 rly hurt my feelings today !!!!! rambling explanation in the tags
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the-100th-witch · 6 months
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Bloop just me rambling about my life
im driving 2 hrs away tomorrow for a bridal event (super excited for that aaaa) and then driving an hour to have coffee with friends on sunday (where we are all together minus one since she's going to school in a different state) then going to my grandma's as I drive back after. So a very busy weekend! But it's gonna be great!
so im just chilling today and doing some light tasks. I'm gonna have to go to bed super early tonight bc i gotta get up tomorrow and shower/put on my makeup and be out of the house at the latest 9am (but im hoping maybe 8am since traffic can be nuts)
im hoping my car doesnt fuck me over during the trip lol driving an hour is one thing but for some reason 2 hours is scary haha it's been going ok for the last few months (aside from the bumper half falling off)
bloop life rambling under readmore bloop
none of the bridal group is on tumblr (i think?) and they dont know me really but just in case haha under read more!
i was told that it's just gonna be me and one other person of the bridemaids attending. I'm glad im able to go (especially since in the past my jobs ran Tue-Sat with Saturdays being my busiest days) bc man that sucks! I don't know the other bridemaids super well and I understand life happens but idk just kinda sucks that you can't go to an event with the bride that already paid for your spot. But that's just me. I guess some of them knew right off the bat they couldnt go and then some others told her last minute. Again, i get that life happens but damn...
I guess that means I get to hog the bride's attention (along with the other bridesmaid who is super nice) loool~ I'll make it fun for her and we're gonna have a blast! The bride and I have been friends for 10 years! I'm kinda glad I didn't take on a new job just yet when I was laid off.
I had to move my test date again bc my mom needed my help with something on that day that she couldn't reschedule (nothing serious but it's important and hey, i dont mind kinda putting off that math test LMAO) so I rescheduled for November (after my friend's wedding). I'm getting mostly 40/50 on the practice tests (like 38/50 and 44/50 but I'm hitting my goal of at least 37/50 which is what I need to pass the damn thing) so I'm golden.
I think right after I pass and start getting all my ducks in a row I'll begin job searching (obviously) but also planning my next move (either I move out in the middle of 2024 and if that's still in cali or in another state and then i got to see get a different car etc etc). I kinda labeled this year as a recovery year lol like 2020-2022 were pandemic years for me and 2023 was just straight up "Recovery from the pandemic years". It was nice to finally slow down and take my time to refocus my goals and plans.
I really do think, though, that I want to move out of this area (and the state entirely) since it's been touch and go. I dunno what it is with Cali and I know moving to another state isnt a magical fix-it-all but I've out grown it here (plus the outrageous prices holy shit) I'd miss all my friends but I guess that's what video chatting is for lol and it gives my friends a reason to visit another state haha!
Labeling 2023 as a Recovery year kinda helps my "guilt" also. Like it was outta my control I was laid off (esp since everyone and their mom has been laid off this year) but ive been working since i was 18 and going to school so to have all that and then go to nothing at age 30 it was kinda of a shock. Of course...no one planned on a global pandemic either lol life's funny that way.
Either way I'm not out of the woods quite yet but im also not in a totally bad spot. But man i cant wait to pass this test and start sub teaching just to do something lol
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planetpiastri · 11 days
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pairing: oscar piastri x fem!reader [no faceclaim] summary: you're a meme rapper with a cult following on youtube, and oscar is always in your comments, but it isn't until you release your first single that everyone puts two and two together. notes: this is one of the very first requests i ever received, and finally FINALLY it is done!! we are so back
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liked by oscarpiastri, patriciooward, and others
ynusername guys if i wrote a song about dino nuggets would you unfollow me be honest
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username1 yeah
ynusername 😔
oscarpiastri no
ynusername 😁
username2 maybe
ynusername i'm getting mixed signals
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oscarpiastri
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liked by ynusername, landonorris, and 502,876 others
oscarpiastri Oscar goes outside: Japan edition
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username3 you're not even outside in any of these pictures oscar what
landonorris who are we getting dinner with, young man? 🤨
oscarpiastri My mum 😊 landonorris yeah right
username4 omg any yn fans in the comments?? mother liked the post 👀
username5 yeah they follow each other lol i don't think they've ever met though username6 they've definitely interacted, but yeah i think they're just like online acquaintances haha
ynusername nice berries mate
oscarpiastri Thanks, I've heard that before
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liked by ynusername, oscarpiastri, and 251,876 others
mclaren Happy Birthday Oscar! 🥳
view all 7,654 comments
username7 guys why's oscar kinda...
username8 WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN??
oscarpiastri 😁😁😁
ynusername happy birthday. oscarpiastri Ok that's a lot of negative energy please step back username9 help these interactions are always so random??
username10 oscar's waist looking SNATCHED omg
username11 guys is this a safe space for me to confess something?
landonorris no, keep it to yourself
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ynusername
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liked by oscarpiastri, logansargeant, and others
ynusername finally releasing a single woohoo!! 'bark bark' coming out april 19th on spotify and apple music ^-^
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username12 OMG YESSSS
username13 WHAT YN THIS IS SO EXCITING!!!! CONGRATS!!!!!
oscarpiastri What's it about
ynusername you have to stream the song and find out silly oscarpiastri Is it about me ynusername oh my god
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ynusername
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liked by oscarpiastri, landonorris, and others
ynusername the type of face you'd go to war for (look past the camera, he's shy)
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landonorris shucks, i'm blushing
ynusername i am so obviously not talking about you
username14 NEW MUSIC WHEN??
ynusername the single JUST came out CHILL!
username15 the last slide??
username16 new music hint? ynusername no that's just me talking about oscar and lando landonorris ....which one am i? ynusername i literally called you a slut nine times in suzuka username17 so oscar is lust???? oscarpiastri Thank you Barbie!!
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liked by mclaren, ynusername, and 516,392 others
oscarpiastri Busy busy week, but glad the secret's out. My girlfriend is cooler and funnier than yours, by the way.
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ynusername you're so hot i am gnawing at the bars of my enclosure
ynusername the hair?? the smile?? the grabbable waist?? WOW!!
ynusername gonna write another song about you
ynusername if i saw you in the street i'd catcall you
ynusername i want you.
oscarpiastri I love you too
username18 FKSDHJGLKHDJG IM SO HAPPY YN CAN BE UNHINGED AND CRAZY NOW GOOD FOR HER GOOD FOR THEM!!
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request: hiiii babe! i love ur account! i was wondering if u could do an oscar piastri x meme rapper gf with an @addy_kate fc. like shes actually really funny and her music is oddly good (like tmg).
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tagging: @thearchieves @sheridamn @nikfigueiredo @charlig123456789 @ilove-tswizzle @aandreea2005 @sideboobrry @vellicora @eire-the-egg @marymustdie @cocote1410 @taygrls @koalapastries @vroomvroommuppett @nichmeddar @d3kstar @333kiki @ririyulife @resident-swiftie @zimm04 @jupiter-je-taime @ever_bizzare @blue-isnt-avaliable @iifloweringnightsii @graciewrote @formulaal @m0cha-bunny @marvelsimps @mehrmonga @elliegrey2803 @theblueblub @gwginnyweasley @sltwins @f1kenzzz @alexmarie29 @donttouchthegnote @clemswrld @hollieeelol @leireggsworld @luvvtrent @maddie-naps @lilcowboy0 @tygecjjd @skepvids @bwddermilch @pnkwhskyprncss @notawc @landossainz @janegxi @chaotic_version @lookatitlaterlol @cometsrodrigo @lizzypiastri @nixisracing @lavviee @yaesflorist
if you want to be added to any of my taglists, fill out this form
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bluebeary-jay · 1 year
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Let me (put my lips to somethin')
Joel Miller x f!Reader
Summary: 5 times you wanted to kiss Joel, and 1 time it actually happened (or: your relationship with Joel over the years)
Tags: 5+1 babeyyy, VERY self-indulged (i just want this man to call me his babygirl 😫), FLUFF, tooth-rotting fluff even, a bit of angst, age gap, PINING, i could write several fics out of this but no we're doing 5+1! also reader has she/her pronouns (i tried not to but at some point it was getting difficult not to use any :( sorry guys)
Warnings: descriptions of violence and wounds, cursing, getting drunk, David (which is a warning in itself), allusions to SA (but nothing happens)
Word count: ~9.4K (jesus i really got carried away im not doing that again for at least some time)
A/N: i am baack!! i finally had time to finish this monster and i guess it's ready to post <3 i absolutely ADORE 5+1 fics and always wanted to write one on my own. so here it is!! hope you enjoy because i loved writing it
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1. boston qz
You bit your forearm harder, trying to hold back the tears of pain. The man kneeling in front of you glanced up.
“Bite the sleeve of your jacket. Otherwise they’re gonna think you’re infected and shoot you on sight.”
You didn’t answer but nodded, knowing that he was right. Holding your breath for a moment, you took a handful of the material and bit down on it, shutting your eyes tightly. The excruciating pain in your leg was hard enough to endure, but for the first place with it competed an absolutely unbearable look of poorly concealed pity (which you initially took for irritation) on the face of Tess’ friend.
It was through her that you met Joel. At the beginning he wasn’t very keen about letting you work with them but slowly warmed up to your presence – at least as much as a man like Joel could. Most of the time he was grumbling and, in all fairness, looking slightly angry but you’ve soon understood that he’s actually a pretty good guy. Caring. Funny, if he lets you see this side of him. Also really fucking handsome, but that was beside the point.
The job was supposed to be an easy one – just meet with a couple of Zeke’s people, pick up the smuggled items and exchange them for some meds and ammunition. However, none of you expected some random rogue group to ambush you on your way back and attempt to steal the cargo.
Tess has managed to get away just before soldiers showed up, alerted by the sound of gunfire way past the curfew. Before they could spot any of you, Joel quickly pulled you into one of the nearby buildings after one of the strangers slashed your thigh, leaving you unable to run.
So now here you were. Bleeding from your leg and making a pathetic crybaby out of yourself before the very eyes of the man you respected and lowkey had a small crush on.
Speaking of whom, Joel gave you a look of sympathy before squeezing the stapler handle again, ejecting another staple into your skin. You tensed and a broken cry escaped your lips, your breathing rapid.
“It’s alright,” he murmured, putting his other hand on your knee and rubbing slightly. “Just two more and you’ll be good to go.”
You breathed out a humorless laugh and wiped your face, sniffling.
“Just get on with it. This is way more embarrassing than it should be.” In the corner of your eye you saw him look up. He didn’t move the hand in which he held the staple gun yet, so you took this moment to steady your breath and slumped against the wall. “You probably think it’s pretty pathetic, but in my defense I never had such a gash closed with staples like that.”
“M’not thinkin’ that,” he retorted and you blew a raspberry.
“Sure. Tess told me about some of your forays, you know? You could probably get run over by a damn tank and walk it off like it’s nothing.”
Joel was silent for some time. You wiped your cheeks and motioned for him to eject the last staples at the edge of the deep cut in your thigh. He mumbled to you to get ready and you took a deep breath, bracing yourself for the pain.
It hurt like hell and you couldn’t help the tears flowing from your eyes, but soon enough it was over.
The sound of shouting from outside drew your attention from the pain in your leg for a couple of seconds. You tensed up, listening intently if the soldiers weren’t busting in the building you were in, but the noises soon went past you.
“Y’know, if my brother was here, he’d have told you about the first time I had a wound stitched outside of the controlled conditions,” Joel spoke up unexpectedly, unpacking his backpack in search of clean bandages. “I nearly bit off my thumb when he was tryin’ to sew my foot back together.”
You couldn’t help but snort at his confession and he glanced at you from the corner of his eye with a slight smirk.
“Is that true?”
Joel huffed with fake indignation and lifted his left hand to your eyes, twisting it so that the dim light from outside illuminated the side of it. Above and below the small bone at the base of his thumb appeared very light and irregular lines. You looked at his face with an unbelieving smile.
“When was that?”
“Ah… Just before the outbreak, I’d say.”
“And what happened to your foot?”
“Construction work. I don’t remember exactly what that was.”
“But how hard did you have to chomp down on your thumb for it to be still visible?” you asked, laughing, to which he chuckled and shrugged.
“Hey, don’t judge. If it was Tommy who was fixin’ your leg, you’d probably end up without a couple of fingers too, just for good measure.”
He found the bandage and motioned for you to straighten your leg at the knee. You watched him carefully as he looked over your bare thigh and the (not very pretty to look at) sutured wound. The leg of your pants was cut and tossed away earlier so that Joel could stitch you up freely.
“So you have a brother. Is he really that bad at treating wounds?” you asked to distract yourself from the awkwardness of the whole situation, though Joel seemed surprisingly calm.
“He got better with time,” your colleague answered and then looked up at you. “But I didn’t tell you this to bitch about Tommy’s skills.”
“Oh?” you nudged him with your other leg. “So what moral should I draw from this story?”
You clearly saw him suppressing a smile when he shook his head lightly.
“Don’t feel bad that it hurts,” he murmured and the snicker disappeared from your lips. “I’ve seen looks like the one on your face plenty before. It’s a fuckin’ big gash, I’d be worried if you didn’t show any signs of pain.”
You couldn’t come up with any snarky remarks and just blinked when Joel sent you a quick, if not a bit self-conscious, smile, like he wasn’t used to reassuring someone else.
“The fact that you let your tears flow doesn’t make you any weaker,” he said even quieter than before. You still weren’t answering and he cleared his throat, apparently growing uncomfortable with your silence, then grabbed the bottle of alcohol. “I’m gonna pour some of that shit over your wound again. It’ll sting a bit.”
You observed without a word how he cleansed the gash and started to wind the bandage around your thigh.
Weirdly enough, you also noticed that you couldn’t stop glancing at his lips.
*****
2. bill and frank’s
“No. I said no, come back here!”
Giggles erupted from you as Joel tried (and failed) to grab you when you jumped over the couch. He sighed deeply as you made eye contact with him and, with a provocative smile, drank up the rest of the bottle before putting it down on the nearby table. The man looked so disappointed and done with you, it only made you laugh louder in your drunken state.
You two were staying for a couple of days at Bill and Frank’s heavenly place, which you looked forward to for weeks now. Originally Tess was supposed to go with you but there was a last-minute change of plans, and you made the journey alone with Joel. Not counting a few infected you stumbled upon on your way here, your venture was quite nice and after a delightful dinner with your hosts, you sneaked into Joel’s room with the bottle of wine Frank gave you and the stuff you smuggled yourself.
Joel didn’t seem to be having as much fun as you, though.
“I’m never drinkin’ with you again,” he muttered, sitting heavily on the couch with a grunt. You faked a pout, leaning over his head upside down and almost losing your balance.
“You’re grouchy because the stuff you brought tasted like shit.”
“And yet you drank most of it.”
“I didn’t,” you slurred, waltzing round the couch and grinning. “I’m feelin’ great.”
“Be careful or you’ll pick up my accent you so like pokin’ fun of.”
You snorted and flopped on the seat next to him. “Mhm, m’feelin’ fine and dandy,” you grumbled in the deepest voice you could make, ridiculously imitating his Texas drawl. “Yee-haw.”
“You’re the fuckin’ worst,” sighed Joel with exasperation but you could see a crooked smile tugging on his lips. You beamed and plopped down, laying your head on his lap. He peeked at you with his brows raised. “What are you doin’ now, you little devil?”
“Just resting,” you answered. The lamp behind Joel was blinding you with its light, so you covered your eyes with your hand to shield them. “Is that uncomfy for you? Do you want me to get up?”
“Nah. You can stay for a minute.”
As if wanting to make sure you won’t try to stand up, he laid his hand on your hair, brushing some of it to the back. You hummed and shivered when he gently scratched one specific spot on your scalp, and instinctively tilted your head, chasing his touch.
Joel snorted.
“You look like a goddamn cat.”
“Shut up,” you murmured in response, a small smile adoring your face. “It feels nice.”
You opened your eyes and once again shielded them from the lamp. Joel moved his head slightly to the side to block out the bothersome stimulus, causing you to giggle again.
“It looks like you have a halo ’round your head.” You lifted your arm and made a circle, brushing the side of his face when your hand plopped back down limply on your stomach. The older man huffed a smile, looking away to glance around the room.
“I’ll be really surprised if you remember anythin’ of what you’re sayin’ tomorrow.”
“Gimme a break,” you grumbled with a smile, not taking your eyes off him. Your hand raised itself to his face again, as if on its own accord, and brushed lightly the corner of his mouth and the stubble on his cheek. “It looks pretty.”
His brown irises flickered to you before he averted his gaze. With a hum you withdrew your hand and closed your eyes, your mind getting woozy from alcohol and tiredness.
Joel’s fingers were still running through your hair gently and you really hoped you’d remember it in the morning.
*****
3. road, somewhere in missouri
You had no idea how long you had been driving.
Ellie was asleep in the back seat and Joel was getting some well-deserved shut-eye after you volunteered to sit behind the wheel several hours ago. The clock on the dashboard was showing 4:07 and you planned on driving until the sun started to rise, then switching places with Joel.
That is, if you manage to stay awake.
You tried to drink some of the coffee Joel prepared beforehand to wake yourself up but it tasted horrible, leaving a too bitter taste on your tongue. Once you catched yourself closing your eyes for a second longer than intended and the car started to veer off course before you corrected it.
Yes, you were aware driving in this kind of state was extremely stupid, but you knew Joel was anxious to find his brother and drop Ellie off with the Fireflies as soon as possible. And you knew that if you wake him up he’ll insist on driving for the rest of the way himself, ignoring his own needs and exhaustion.
You risked a look to the side at his sleeping form. He had his arms crossed over his chest and his head propped against the headrest. Honestly, it looked like the man was just pretending to nap – his body seemed uptight, as if he was ready to spring into action at any second.
And he looked beautiful with his face bathed in the gray light of early morning. Like a painting you’d gladly admire for hours.
You sighed and cracked your neck, focusing on the road ahead of you. Several more hours to go. There was a gas tank in the back of the car, so you didn’t have to worry about that, and if you remembered correctly the map you and Joel studied earlier, you should get close to some bigger city in the late afternoon. Joel wanted to take the side roads and you agreed, but your supplies… Did you have enough of them? And what was the name of that city again…?
A hand grabbed the wheel and gently straightened the course when without you noticing the car started to veer too much to the left again.
You emerged from your reverie immediately and looked to the right at Joel who was now wide awake.
“You alright?” he asked with concern, and his voice had this enticing, raspy drawl to it that told you he really dozed off for a while.
“I’m so sorry,” you said quickly but quietly, not wanting to wake Ellie up. “I’m fine, promise.”
He eyed the tiredness on your face and the tight grip you had on the wheel.
“If you need to get some rest–”
“No, no, no. I can go on. Sorry you had to wake up.”
Joel grunted and stretched in the small space in the front seat and you tried really hard not to stare at how he craned his neck or at the way his muscles tensed, or at the strip of his skin revealed when his shirt rolled up…
“Pull over.”
You snapped out of your thoughts. “No. I told you I’m fine.”
“C’mon, darlin’, don’t make me wrestle with you in a movin’ vehicle.”
Either he had a clue about what this nickname was doing to you, or he was still half-asleep and it simply slipped out; but whether it was intentional or not, you couldn’t dream of opposing him now and with a defeated sigh (and burning neck) you pulled over, slowly bringing the car to a halt. You glanced backwards, but miraculously Ellie hadn’t woken up yet.
Joel looked you over with concern and you shut your eyes, laying your forehead on the steering wheel. “I’m sorry,” you repeated. “But I really can keep going, at least until the sun goes up.”
“We’re switchin’,” he just said, unfastening his seatbelt.
“Joel, no!” you hissed, but he ignored you and went around the hood of the car, stopping at your side and opening the door for you. “I’m not moving. You need to get some fucking rest.”
“I already did. Now scoot over.”
“No, I told you–”
“What’s going on? Are we there yet?”
Both of you looked back to see Ellie sitting up and rubbing her eyes. In a split second she went from half-awake to alert, and she eyed you and Joel suspiciously. “What’s going on?” she asked again.
“We’re switchin’ places,” Joel spoke up before you had a chance to answer the girl. “Our current driver is pretty tired.”
“I’m not!” you protested, glaring at him.
“You almost drove the car into a ditch.”
“Woah.” Ellie lifted her hands and puffed her cheeks in a nervous manner. “Just this time, I second Joel. I really don’t want to end up in a ditch, thank you very much.”
“You see?” Joel looked at you expectedly. “Outvoted.”
You squinted in the rearview mirror at the teen. “Traitor.”
Ellie just shrugged. With a heavy sigh you unfastened yourself and exited the car, but before you could go around it and take Joel’s previous place, he stuck his arm out, stopping you.
“Actually, Ellie, do you want to ride shotgun now?” he asked and nodded in your direction. “It’d do her good to lie down for a bit.”
“No,” you said firmly at the same time when Ellie agreed with an enthusiastic “hell yeah!”. You crossed your arms over your chest and glared at the pair. “You guys are in cahoots.”
“Boo-hoo,” Ellie had a mean smile on her face. “Get in the backseat and cry about it.”
“She’s so cheeky,” you murmured to Joel, trying to hide your smile, and by the look of it he had trouble doing that, too. You sighed and lifted your hands in surrender. “Alright, you two. You won.”
“Great.” Ellie grinned, then started walking off the street. “But give me a moment, dudes, I gotta pee,” she said before marching further into the field on the side of the road.
“Don’t go too far!” shouted Joel after her.
“Don’t drive off without me!”
With that Ellie disappeared behind a small hill and you turned back to your companion, scrunching your face at him. Joel shrugged and walked past you.
“C’mon. I’ll find you a blanket.”
You huffed but didn’t argue further, knowing nothing will change his mind. He could be stubborn as a mule sometimes.
You climbed into the backseat and waited for Joel to take out the blanket you took from Bill and Frank’s house from the back of the car. He opened the door next to your head and handed it over, waiting for you to unfurl it. You expected him to go take the driver’s seat right away, but he stayed in place. Only then you noticed the folded jacket he was holding in his hands.
He didn’t react at all to your raised eyebrows and questioning look, and just casually laid his jacket under your head to serve as a pillow. The gesture was so sweet it made you melt inside, and you just couldn’t stay mad at him.
“Promise me you’ll get some sleep.”
“Only if you and Ellie aren’t too loud,” you teased, trying to settle down the butterflies fluttering in your stomach. “If you start arguing about some stupid shit again, I’m taking the wheel from you by force.”
He smirked and squatted next to your seat, looking down at you with an amused expression.
“I’d like to see you try.”
You had to be really fucking tired, because for a split second you thought that Joel has just flirted with you. You hid your face in his jacket to partially conceal your smile, but it only made your face hotter because the material smelled of him so much.
“I could. You’re lucky I’m deciding to show mercy.”
“How gracious of you. I’m honored.
“But we’re swapping places when I wake up,” you added, looking at him as sternly as you could. He raised his eyebrows with a half-smile when a yawn escaped you immediately after. “I’m serious, Joel.”
“Sure, darlin’.” He leaned in and kissed your forehead before standing up. “Now sleep.”
You could only stare into space as he carefully closed the door next to your head and walked around the vehicle with heavy steps. The spot on your head where his lips touched your skin was tingling and you inhaled deeply to calm yourself down before he entered the truck again and fastened the seatbelt.
Joel put some cassette into the tape deck and turned the volume down even before the song started to play.
You closed your eyes and wrapped the blanket tighter around yourself, hiding the lower part of the face – and a blush spreading on your cheeks – under the cover.
*****
4. jackson
You looked out the window at the children pulling their sleds behind them and smiled at how happy and carefree they looked. Down the road you could just barely see the big Christmas tree in the square and for a moment it felt like the apocalypse had never happened.
“They’re pretty lucky to be growing up here,” you said quietly. Joel was closing and opening cabinets behind you, clearly looking for something.
“Not sure about it. But I guess it beats growin’ up in any of the QZ’s or Fedra’s barracks.”
After Joel’s sudden change of heart and Ellie’s confident decision that she’d rather travel with you both instead of Tommy, the younger Miller convinced his brother to stay one more day in Jackson. It was honestly a good idea because you doubted any of you three got any rest the previous night. You certainly didn’t, tossing and turning the entire time from worry.
Joel chuckled and the sound pulled you out of your thoughts.
“What did you find?” you asked. He was kneeling in front of one of the cabinets, holding a small box.
“Old cassettes. You want to listen to some music?”
“Sure.” You stood up with a smile. “It’ll be pretty atmospheric.”
Joel gave you a dirty look.
“I’m not putting on Christmas carols.”
“I don’t want to listen to Christmas carols. Find something good.”
He sighed and took out a carton box from the cabinet, and then started to rummage through it. “Alright, so what do you want?”
“You can choose. Pick something you think I’d like.” A thought struck you and you glanced around the living room, furrowing your brows. “Is there even any tape player in here or something like that?”
“Upstairs,” Joel mumbled absent-mindedly. “In Ellie’s room. We can go see if it works.”
Ellie was out exploring Jackson and you doubted she’ll be back very soon. You knelt down next to Joel, looking at him with a grin as he inspected the box, pulling out and reading some of the cassettes before putting them back down. You rested your chin on your hands.
“Just get anything,” you ushered after some time, to which he chuckled.
“You said to pick somethin’ you’d like. Gimme some time.”
“Do you think I’m that picky?”
“Of course you are.”
You rolled your eyes but didn’t have to wait much longer before Joel stood up with a grunt and held out his hand to you. In the other one he held a white cassette.
“C’mon. I’m pretty sure you’re gonna love this one.”
You took his hand with excitement and let yourself be pulled to your feet. It’s been so long since you’ve been able to listen to some music – well, maybe not as long, but you missed it regardless – that you felt a bubbly joy at the thought of hearing something new.
And more than that, something that Joel has picked specifically for you. Doesn’t matter that you had to ask him.
You went upstairs to the room that was currently Ellie’s bedroom and Joel bent down, inserting the cassette into the tape player. He looked over his shoulder at you with a small smile and you beamed right back.
A loud, scratchy sound rang out.
You winced and Joel furrowed his brows. He took the cassette out, checked the empty slot and the cassette itself, and then made sure the power was on.
The first notes started to play, but they sounded distorted, like a scratched record. Joel cursed and tried again, but there must’ve been something wrong with the device, because no matter what he did, the music didn’t play right.
He tried again and again, and finally you decided to put a stop to it. You placed your hand on his shoulder.
“Leave it, Joel. It’s okay.”
“Just my fuckin’ luck,” he muttered, not turning around. “Of course Tommy gave us a place without a working cassette player.”
“It’s okay,” you repeated. You wanted to say something like ’the song probably isn’t even worth fussing over’, but the words got stuck in your throat. He picked it for you to listen to, of course it was worth it. “Maybe I just wasn’t meant to hear it.”
The man worried his lip and you quickly averted your gaze. He straightened up and put his hands on his hips, sighing.
“Nonsense,” he answered, looking intently at the device like he wanted to get it to work by sheer willpower. “You wanted to hear it.”
“Well, I did.” You got embarrassed for whatever reason, not knowing what to say. “But there’s not really anything we can do about that. It’s no big deal.”
Joel’s jaw twitched and he turned to look at you thoughtfully. You offered him a lopsided smile, but he didn’t move a muscle and you could almost imagine small gears turning in his head when he had this expression on his face.
“You okay?” you asked with a stifled laugh.
“I… have an idea,” he said slowly, almost hesitantly. Then he focused his eyes on you again. “Just… trust me for a moment.”
Your gaze softened and you took a step closer to him.
“Joel, of course I trust you. I trust you with my life.”
His Adam’s apple bobbed but his brown irises haven’t left yours for even a second.
“Close your eyes.”
“What?” you asked with a crooked smile, but he just shook his head.
“C’mon, close your eyes. And promise you won’t laugh.”
Confusion washed over you but you closed your eyes as requested. You heard Joel sighing and then he took your hand in his calloused and rough one, slowly putting it on his shoulder. Your neck got way too hot but you tried not to tense or flinch in fear of making him back out.
“Promise you won’t laugh,” he repeated and you just now realized you haven’t answered him. He put his hand on your waist, very, very lightly, and your other hand was raised to  shoulder height, cradled in his warm one.
“I swear I won’t,” you whispered, your heart beating so damn loud you were scared he was going to hear it with how close you two were.
Joel exhaled heavily and you felt his breath on your hair.
And then he started to hum quietly and sway you gently from side to side. You desperately tried to remain calm, but how were you supposed to do that when your body felt so hot and he was so close–
“I reached inside myself and found nothin’ there… to ease the pressure… of my ever-worrying mind, hmm…”
Joel’s voice was deep and harsh right in front of you, and it sounded more like he was purring than singing. You suspected he slowed down the pace of the song significantly to match his movements and your heart swelled with warmth and adoration. The smile on your face widened and you took a step to the left, then to the right, gradually engaging in your dance more and more. You wanted to make it less uncomfortable and awkward for him and it seemed to have worked a bit because the next lines were much more confident, and his voice steadier.
“All my power wasted ’way, fear the crazed and lonely looks the mirror’s sendin’ me these days, hmm…”
His hold on you tightened slightly and you held his hand a little more securely, unable to hold back a goofy smile on your face.
“Touch me… how can it be? Believe me… the sun always shines on TV.”
You were falling for him all over again and it was not fair that he made you promise to keep your eyes closed. Though if he didn’t, you’d probably end up doing something dumb.
Like kissing him.
Fuck, you wanted to kiss him so bad.
“Hold me… close to your heart. Touch me… Give all your love to me. To me…”
Did he just pull you closer or was it you that took a step forward? It was hard to tell without seeing where you step, but you suddenly were very aware of the material of his shirt under your chin and the smell of shampoo he used to wash his hair, the pressure of his hand on your lower back and his quiet, drawling voice right next to your ear.
You were positive you’re about to pass out.
And it felt blissful.
Joel kept humming the chorus of the song, his voice getting softer and lower with each word. You relished in the warmth of his embrace, begging any higher power that he won’t let go of you immediately once he stops singing.
He didn’t.
Instead you two kind of naturally came to a stop but neither of you moved, still standing chest to chest and breathing a bit shakily. Your palm – or maybe it was his – was sweaty, but you ignored the unpleasant feeling, wanting to stay like this as long as possible.
“The original is much more lively,” Joel spoke in a soft whisper after some time and you smiled lightly.
“Well, I really liked your version,” you answered just as quietly, not wanting to disturb the intimate atmosphere in the room. “Joel?”
“Yes, darlin’?”
“Can I open my eyes now?”
A moment of silence.
“Yeah.”
You did so, but didn’t move your head, still keeping it on his shoulder and breathing in his scent. “Thank you for that,” you whispered and you felt him nodding.
“Anytime.”
His fingers crept a bit higher up your spine, but still his touch was so light and unsure.
You realized with a flicker of hope that he wasn’t pushing you away. He was pulling you closer.
Careful not to move too abruptly, you lifted your head and turned it to look him in the eyes. They were already on you, so very close, warm and hesitant, but also not showing any signs of discomfort or regret.
“Joel?” you asked again and you were so close to each other, it came out less as a question and more like a quiet breath. He heard it, though.
“Yeah?”
“Can I–”
Suddenly the door downstairs slammed extremely loudly and you both jumped when the noise broke the heavy silence.
“Hello! Is anybody here?!”
Ellie came back.
Both of you automatically took a step backwards, letting go of each other. Your face was scorching hot and you couldn’t force yourself to look at Joel. With a deep (hopefully unnoticed by the man standing right in front of you) breath, you quickly tried to get a grip on yourself when you heard Ellie running up the stairs.
“I was calling you, guys!” she panted and looked from you to the older man. “What’s up?”
“We…” Joel cleared his throat. “Tried to put some music on. The darn thing isn’t workin’, though.”
“Ugh, that’s a bummer.” Ellie turned to you and tilted her head. “Were you out, too? Your face is all red and shit.”
Even if it wasn’t before, it certainly was now. All attention shifted to you in a second and it made you want to cry.
“Yes,” you uttered quickly, “and… I’m actually going out again. I wanted to ask Maria something.”
You didn’t wait for any of them to stop or question you further – you all but ran down the stairs and bolted outside without even taking a jacket or a hat.
Fuck…
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
*****
5. basement, somewhere in colorado
He was dying.
Joel was dying and there was nothing you could do to help him.
You tried your hardest, though, to take care of both him and Ellie. You went out hunting so she wouldn’t have to starve, you encouraged her to get as much rest as possible while you watched over the unconscious man during the night, and not once did you show any doubt that Joel will get better.
But you had a feeling she knew why you were so reluctant to stay behind while the girl took her turn looking for food.  The truth was, you were starting to crack if you sat for too long at Joel’s side, letting the intrusive thoughts take root in your mind. You needed those moments outside, because they were the only ones when you let your tears flow.
So when it was only you and him in the basement, you spent this time brushing the hair out of his face and coaxing him to drink. You checked his wound every so often, trying to keep it as clean as possible. You held his hand, humming to him that one song he sang for you in Jackson, though you didn’t know the words.
It was painful, to just sit in place and be unable to do anything to help, but you tried not to break down. Not when both of them counted on you.
So you stayed strong, hoping it’ll all turn out alright.
But luck still wasn’t on your side.
The men Ellie encountered the day before were here now, looking for you and Joel, and hungry for blood. She told you all about her interaction with them and since yesterday you were ready for a fight in case they showed up, but somehow it still surprised you and made your heart hammer in your chest in fear.
There wasn’t anywhere you could run to, and Joel wasn’t even able to keep his eyes open, let alone walk. You didn’t really have any other options.
So there was only one thing you could do, and that was to protect those closest to you.
You quickly took your backpack and passed Ellie your gun, closing her fingers around the cold metal.
“I’ll barricade the door, but if anyone comes in here, you blast their skull open, you hear me?” you whispered urgently and the girl nodded. You took Joel’s rifle from the floor and hung it over your shoulder. “I’ll try to take them out and lead them away. I’ll be back.”
“You better come back,” Ellie muttered and you looked at her softly, nodding. Then your gaze involuntarily shifted to Joel.
You didn’t know how many people were outside – if there were three or four of them, you should be able to shoot most of them before they notice you. If you don’t miss, that is.
But if there were more…
Choking back a nervous sob, you knelt next to the mattress and took Joel’s head in your hands. His eyes were only half-open and his forehead covered in sweat. Your heart clenched painfully at how weak he looked.
Acting on impulse, you leaned down and softly kissed the place above the corner of his mouth.
“Wake up,” you said to him firmly, brushing his cheeks with your thumbs. “Please, Joel. Ellie and I need you.”
You knew you had to go. You had to go now and make sure those fuckers outside don’t find Ellie and him.
But you stayed just for a second longer to press your forehead to his.
“I love you,” you whispered, so quietly you barely heard yourself.
And then you pulled away and ran upstairs.
From then on it was all a blur. You managed to kill one of the men with a clean shot between his eyes, but the other one ducked out of the way when he noticed you. Turned out there were six of them – too many – and what’s worse, one of them came up behind you, forcing you to flee sooner than you’d planned.
It would probably be wiser to take the horse but you didn’t want to endanger the poor creature, so you ran on foot.
You didn’t get far. One of the men managed to shoot you in the leg, making you keel over onto the frozen ground with a scream of pain. You turned around and saw him lifting his gun again before another voice yelled that he wanted you alive.
No. No, no, you weren’t about to let them take you.
You crawled towards where your rifle lay in the snow but just before you could reach it, it was kicked away by a heavy boot which then dealt a severe blow to your stomach. You doubled over, wheezing and coughing for air. By the time you managed to somehow catch your breath, someone pressed their foot on the gunshot wound in your calf, forcing a scream of agony out of you.
“Now, stay calm. I don’t want to shoot you.”
You clutched at your leg, glaring up at the ginger man who you suspected was the same David Ellie has encountered.
The man grinned nastily at the state you were in, and you didn’t like his expression one bit. He must’ve noticed that you were ready to lunge at him at any moment because he swiftly lifted his gun to your head. You froze.
“Where is your friend and the girl?” he asked quietly. You sneered at him, baring your teeth.
“Fuck you. I ain’t telling you shit.”
“David, she killed Paul,” spat another, younger one, looking down at you with hatred. “If that bastard has already died, let’s at least kill his bitch.”
You tried to think of a way to get out of this situation, but both of the men had their guns pointed at you and you knew you wouldn’t be able to move quickly enough with the gunshot wound.
You tried to move slightly but David pressed his foot harder on your leg, causing more blood to flow from your wound and you cried out, the pain clouding your vision.
“Don’t try anything, sweetheart,” he murmured in a warning tone. “You might bleed out.”
Your eyes were full of hate and rage but you didn’t dare to move again just yet.
“Where are they?” David asked again and you huffed a humorless chuckle while trying not to show how much pain you were in.
“You know that it was me who killed that idiot?” you asked in the most mocking tone you could muster, in the meantime desperately thinking how the fuck you were going to get out of here, preferably alive. “And your friend over there.” You nodded in the direction of where the body of the man you shot was lying. “Which one of you stood next to him? Was it you?” you asked the younger man who shot you in the leg. “I hope I hadn’t splattered you too much with the remnants of his brain.”
“You little bitch,” the other man sneered, lifting his gun again despite David’s stern order to back off. “I’d love to see the face of your friend when I blast your–”
“Leave her alone, you fuckers!!”
All of you turned your heads and your stomach churned when you saw Ellie on the horse you borrowed from Tommy. More shots rang out in the air when she blindly fired at the two men standing above you, and then the rest of the strangers who emerged from between the trees.
“Alive!!” David yelled after his men when they started chasing Ellie who grabbed the reins and cantered in the opposite direction. Then the man turned back to you. “We will catch her. Then we will find your friend, and he’ll pay for his sins.”
You growled.
“I told you it wasn’t him who killed that man.” He shook his head and you fumed with anger. “You don’t think I’m capable of that?”
“Oh, I think you’re capable of a lot.” His stare slid down your body, from head to toe, and terror gripped your heart at the sadistic excitement in his eyes. “And I think you must really care about him if you’re ready to trade your life for his. Such loyalty is admirable, but your love is misplaced.”
The snow around you was getting more and more red and you really started to worry that the bullet might’ve hit an artery. David’s eyes shifted to your leg as well, and he hummed.
“We’ll take care of that, don’t worry. You’ll be well taken care of in our community.”
“I don’t want to be any part of your fucked up sect.”
“You will. You just need a father to lead you to the right path.” He leaned over you in such a manner that it made your blood run cold. “I’ll teach you personally.”
Suddenly a shot echoed in the air and you heard a distant neighing of a horse. Your head automatically turned in the direction of the noise and David took advantage of your moment of distraction to strike your temple with his gun, thus knocking you unconscious.
*****
+1. silver lake
Joel woke up.
And he felt like he was made out of pure adrenaline and rage.
You weren’t with Ellie when he found her staggering through the snow, the face of the teen terrified and covered in blood. He comforted her as best as he could, relief and fear fighting inside him as he held the girl in his arms.
But she didn’t know where you were held. If you were even alive.
And that was a thought that Joel couldn’t bear. He wouldn’t even allow for the possibility that you were no longer…
He vaguely remembered you stroking his cheek with slow and delicate touches, and your humming while he was laying on the mildewed mattress in the basement. Maybe it wasn’t even a memory, but a dream – it was hard to tell in his delirious state.
But he was pretty sure he wasn’t hallucinating when he felt soft, cold lips right next to his and heard your voice – he knew it was your voice, he’d recognize it anywhere – whispering the words he never let himself hope you’d say to him.
Words he would be damned if he didn’t say back to you.
And that’s why he was merciless with the men he encountered on his way to you and Ellie. His own tiredness and pain piercing his abdomen didn’t matter – nothing mattered when you two weren’t with him, when he didn’t know if you were hurt or even still breathing. The desire to help and protect his girls numbed the pain in his stomach so much that he almost forgot he could barely stand just a few hours ago.
Once he found Ellie and took her to a safe location, he went back to look for you. He didn’t want to leave the girl alone, but she seemed terrified at the prospect of going back and through the buildings, so he left her his gun, promising to be right back.
One of the bastards Joel ran across on his way back was helpful enough (after being shot in both knees and having his forearm broken) to direct him to the place where you were supposedly being held – a small building hidden behind the still burning dining room.
No one else stood in his way when he cautiously reached the structure. He went in and started checking every single room, getting more and more anxious every time he found them empty. At one point he was ready to tear the walls apart and go back to see if there was anyone left alive who could tell him where you were – but then spotted a hidden, smaller metal door, which apparently led to the basement.
It wasn’t locked and Joel didn’t hear anything on the other side so he opened it slowly, quickly walking down the stairs and scanning the room for any enemies, but there were none. Half of the room was enclosed by a chain-link fence and the entry to the cage was slightly open.
And inside sat you, with a cloth around your eyes and hands tied above your head.
His knees almost gave way under him from relief when you perked up at the sound of his footsteps. You were alive. You were–
“If you fucking try to touch me again, I’ll break more than your stupid jaw!” you yelled out of the blue, starting to struggle and kick haphazardly, though the placement of your wrists was forcing you to stay in a sitting position. “You motherfucker, don’t come any closer!”
The fear and desperation in your voice broke Joel’s heart in an instant and made him stop dead in his tracks.
“It’s me,” he hurried to say, but his voice was weak and the next words got stuck in his throat when he saw your bloodied nose, bruises on your face and neck, as well as a dirty bandage tied around your calf with a seizable crimson stain on it.
He ushered inside, opening the door to the cell wide open with a loud scraping. You started panicking even more, cursing and kicking when he crouched next to you, intending to untie your hands.
“I said don’t fucking touch me! I’ll kill you!” you screamed and Joel actually had to back away a little to avoid getting kicked in the ribs.
“It’s me!” he said louder, but it was clear you didn’t hear him. In a quick movement he reached out, yanking the blindfold off your eyes, and put his hands on both sides of your face. “It’s me. Joel.”
In the first moment his touch made you recoil and the look of fury deepened on your face while you continued to scream bloody murder. Your eyes were so wild and terrified, Joel wanted nothing more than to pull you close to his chest and never let go. 
“Look at me, baby. It��s alright,” he whispered soothingly, brushing his thumbs over your cheekbones like he vaguely remembered you doing when he was unconscious. “It’s me. I won’t let anyone hurt you.”
Your eyes slowly started to focus on his face for the first time since he took the blindfold off, and Joel felt like something was tearing his chest apart at the sight of fear and disbelief on your face.
“It’s okay, darlin’,” he muttered in a strangled voice, trying not to show he was close to crying, too. “It’s me. You’re safe now.”
A broken sob issued from your throat when you took in the sight of him, your eyes lingering on his face and stomach where the wound was.
“...Joel?”
“I’m here,” he said softly, quickly cutting the ropes binding you to the indent in the wall and wincing when he saw the red and purple marks around your wrists. “It’s okay.”
It wasn’t okay, not for you and not for him. Your body was trembling when he finally cut your hands free and without hesitation gathered you in his arms. It seemed like all the bottled up stress was pouring out of you now with the tears as you cried into his jacket and he held you tighter.
“J-Joel…”
“I know, babygirl,” he whispered into your hair, rocking you both back and forth slightly. You were clinging to him almost desperately and it pained him physically to see how scared you’ve been this whole time, but you were safe now, you were back with him and you were alive… “I know. I’m so sorry.”
You pulled away abruptly and looked over his shoulder, your face crumpling in despair when you saw no one there.
“They took Ellie, I don’t know where–”
“She’s safe,” he quickly assured you. “She got out and I found her just before comin’ here.”
You nodded with a sigh of relief, and he shifted his gaze to your calf, gently laying his hand just above the bandage.
“How’s your leg? Can you walk?”
“One of those fuckers shot me,” you murmured, not moving or attempting to stand up, which concerned Joel. “I didn’t really have a chance to see if I’ll be able to stand on my own but they sewed it up provisionally.” Your eyes flickered to his and you smiled softly, brushing your fingers over the back of his hand. “Not as well as you, though.” Then your smile disappeared and your hand grabbed his in a firm grip, like you wanted to make sure he was really here. “How are you, though? I was… Shit, I was so afraid I’d lose you.”
Joel could only stare at you, having no clue what to say.
He was not good at talking. He knew what he should do, though – he should examine your leg and make sure it was alright, he should go back to Ellie and get you two out of here, he should calm down his goddamn pounding heart so that he doesn’t pass out and cause you any more trouble.
But he couldn’t will his muscles to move. He couldn’t do anything, he couldn’t think about anything at all – not when you were sitting in front of him, looking at him with those tearful, gorgeous eyes of yours, holding his hand so tenderly but firmly, your touch so soothing, so familiar, and he remembered vaguely the same fingertips caressing his face.
And your voice, those words…
You said his name haltingly, but he didn’t register any of that, instead letting the overwhelming feelings of relief and fear, and – and adoration – take hold over his body, and he affectionately took your beautiful face in his hands.
Your eyes widened slightly but then these irises he dreamt about so often flickered to his lips and your own parted slightly, and that was all he needed before he leaned in and kissed you deeply.
There was a moment of hesitation on your part during which Joel began to worry that he didn’t read the situation right after all, but then you cupped his cheeks, too, and pressed yourself closer to him, letting him envelop your form in his arms with a quiet sigh.
It was better than he could have ever imagined. He could taste a hint of blood on your lips and hot, blinding rage surged through his veins at the thought of those bastards hurting you. His kiss turned harder and more desperate – he needed to make sure you were really here with him, he wanted to feel your every breath in his own lungs. You didn’t pull away, only tangling your fingers in his short hair, and the small noises you were making were driving Joel crazy with lust and relief. He felt dizzy, like he was going to faint again but he pushed through it, keeping his attention solely on you.
The second you two parted, even before you had a chance to catch your breath, the words started spilling out of his mouth fumblingly.
“Listen, I… I heard you,” he whispered, panting like he just ran a mile – and his heart certainly acted like he did. “M’pretty sure I wasn’t halucinatin’, but even if– doesn’t matter, I want… no, I need to tell you this, I…”
He exhaled nervously and shook his head, avoiding eye contact with you because he was damn sure he'd burst into flames if you looked at him like that again.
Fuck, he was really not good at this.
He cursed under his breath, missing a concerned look you gave him, and felt your hand covering his where it was still situated on your cheek. He knew that with this gesture you wanted to make it easier for him somehow, but it only caused his chest to get even warmer and tighter. “Joel, slow down–”
“I… I love you,” he finally choked out, softly brushing your cheekbones with his thumbs. And damn his old, faulty heart, he wanted to gaze into your eyes again, even if it was going to kill him, so that’s exactly what he did. “I loved you for so long, darlin’, and I got so fuckin’ scared that I won’t be able to tell you and, and it’s okay if I only imagined you saying that and you don’t feel that way, but I needed to tell you, I…”
All strength left him when he paused to draw a breath. His vision was becoming blurry and for a second he was certain he’s losing consciousness again, but it turned out they were only tears filling his eyes, blurring your form before him.
Which was even worse, somehow.
“I’m sorry.” He intended to sound reassuring and strong but it came out more like a broken whisper and he hated himself for feeling so weak and helpless when you and Ellie needed comfort and strength. He couldn’t help it though – all this time when he was looking for his girls the only things that kept him going were anger, terror and regret. Now there was relief, yes, but… he felt so very tired and old.
You turned your head slightly to plant a soft kiss on the inside of his palm, and Joel’s head snapped up. Tears were filling your eyes and he immediately scanned your body for other injuries, any signs of damage or pain, but then this gorgeous smile he so loved illuminated your face, and it put all of his anxieties at ease.
“You weren’t hallucinating,” you said quietly. “I did say that. And I love you, too, Joel.”
He couldn’t help a short, breathless and broken laugh that escaped him when he really heard you speaking those words, this time as clearly as day.
You sniffled and mirrored his smile, and in the next second Joel was kissing you again.
He knew you two had to go, had to get back to Ellie and leave this god-forsaken place, so he tried to be quick, but you – your smile, your touch, all of you – were so distracting and not eager to help him pull away in the slightest.
“I love you too, babygirl, love you so much.” He peppered your face with kisses, ignoring tears running down his cheeks and disappearing into his beard and under your hands. “So fuckin’ much… Don’t ever scare me like that again.”
“Because your old heart can’t handle it?” you teased and he huffed a laugh. A damn tease in every situation, he wanted to say, but before he had a chance to chide you, you pulled him in for another deep kiss. Joel decided you’re off the hook this time.
“Exactly, darlin’. Now hold onto my arm, we’re gonna see if you can stand, and then we’re goin’ back to Ellie.”
A hiss and a grunt of pain escaped you when he attempted to pull you to your feet, but you gritted your teeth and shook your head quickly when he froze, worry evident on his face. Turned out you could stand on your own and even slowly limp forward, but clearly had to push through intense pain to do so. Joel offered you his shoulder (against which his tired body protested immediately) but it made walking easier for you, so he sucked it up.
“I got you,” he whispered when he helped you up the stairs, keeping an arm around your waist for support. You whimpered every time you had to climb up a step, and Joel took hold of your hand, brushing his thumb over your skin lovingly. “That’s a good girl. Just a couple more.”
You didn’t let go of his hand even after these ‘couple more’ steps.
He kept his hand on your shoulder when you finally got reunited with Ellie and tears of relief spilled out of your eyes.
You tangled your fingers with his when the three of you were leaving this cursed, cruel place.
You all held each other when Ellie broke down and you both hugged her tightly, trying to make her feel safe again.
He hooked his little finger over yours, not wanting to drag you down when he started to lean on you, getting significantly weaker from how far he traveled and how hard he fought in the state he was in.
You grasped his hand again that night when you laid down next to him in his sleeping bag while Ellie was curled close to the two of you on Joel’s other side.
He didn’t let go when he leaned in to kiss you again, keeping his touch soft and gentle, and pulled you as close as he could, murmuring words of love and sweet promises into your hair.
Both of you knew you had a lot to talk about in the upcoming days – and probably even weeks. All three of you needed time to heal, physically as well as mentally.
But just for this moment, Joel couldn’t be happier and more relieved as it was slowly dawning on him that after this horrible, hellish nightmare, he had both of you right next to him, breathing and alive, and not chased by anyone for now. Two persons he loved in very different ways, but who were his entire world, whether he was ready to admit it or not.
As if reading his thoughts, you shifted slightly and kissed the edge of his jaw sleepily. His eyes closed, hiding the wetness in them.
He really couldn’t believe his luck.
4K notes · View notes
catboybiologist · 8 months
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Hi! I’m CatboyBiologist.
Formerly a femboy, now a trans woman just starting HRT, and a PhD student in molecular biology. I started using this online persona as a fun, shitposty way to explore gender a few years ago. I post selfies (generally sfw, but somewhat sexy, so minors and ppl who don’t like that have been warned), rambles about science, tutorials and advice from the stuff I’ve learned by being a femboy in the past, nature pictures, stuff about the ocean, my adorable grumpy little tortoise, and unsolicited opinions on random nerdy topics. Any pronouns are fine. I don’t plan to socially transition for a while, and still present as a man most of the time, so I’m used to whatever you wanna use for me (for now, I’ll update this if that changes). Please send me pictures of your pets or other cute animals in your life!
As a scientist, I’m also documenting my transition! This google sheet will be updated at least monthly. I also have additional metrics I’m keeping to myself, and pictures that go with this, but I’m not sharing them publicly yet. Keep in mind that this is just one person’s experience with HRT, and may not represent universal trends!
Adding a little something here, bc I think it was an interesting bit a writing: if you want to see me respond to a transphobe about what "biologically female" means, here's a thing I wrote about it. CW for transphobia and discussion, obviously.
Also, if any of my measurements look weird, its entirely possible I fucked up. Let me know if anything looks off!
Here’s some of my favorite pre-HRT pictures:
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If you want to see more of my pre-HRT selfies, browse the “femboy” tag on my blog!
And as of this writing, I’m only 2 days after the start of HRT, so here’s a picture with my tortoise that’s technically post-HRT (but with 0 time for actual changes):
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If you want to see my future post-HRT selfies, browse the “trans selfie” tag on my blog!
Also here's another really cute picture and fanart of my tortoise by @whalesharkcat:
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I have affectionately given my tortoise the title of The Grumpus.
I also wrote a couple of tutorials and general vibes about being a femboy before I started HRT:
Sometimes I make shitposts of myself, I don’t take myself too seriously:
This includes the way I came out on tumblr:
And here’s an overly serious, long ramble about trans thoughts and things that I wrote shortly afterwards:
Later addition: Someone asked how I take selfies, so I wrote a quick and dirty guide with some tips on how I do so in response to their ask:
Oh yeah and apparently I was a 196 microcelebrity? I never to thought I was popular enough for that but apparently some people do 🤷‍♀️. So uh, hi 196 tags, I'm abusing you for my pinned post LOL
As for terminology, I personally do think of myself as a “man who is becoming a woman” as opposed to having always been a woman. If that doesn’t resonate with your experience, I totally get that! But that’s why I freely call pre-HRT me a femboy, while still calling post-HRT me a trans woman. I’m also keeping the blog name as CatboyBiologist for the forseeable future, because at this point, Catboy just seems like a gender neutral term to me.
I’m also trying to put together a script for a podcast regarding how studying biology influenced my perspective on sex and gender- lmk if there’s any interest in that! It’s probably gonna be way too long and indulgent but oh well.
So uh. Yeah. I don’t end these types of things well. Byeeeeee
743 notes · View notes
sturnsbabie · 1 month
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TAG TEAMED- C.STURNIOLO AND N.DOE.
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pairing: chris x reader x nate
summary: in which chris has been friends with benefits with y/n for a while now. his bestfriend nate also has always found the girl hot. one day he asks chris what its like to have her in bed and chris suddenly comes up with the idea of tagteaming her.
warnings: swearing,making out, f!recieving, m!recieving, p in v, unprotected sex,degrading, praising,slapping,creampie.
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chris and nate were currently chilling on chris’ couch just talking about random stuff til nate suddenly brought up the girl chris has been fucking for the past four months.
nate looks at his friend. “weird question but i have to ask what is it like fucking around with y/n?” nate asks if he hasnt imagined having her pinned down on his bed railing into her.
chris chuckled as he looked at nate. “she is so fucking good bro. she has the best pussy ever dont even get me started on that head game.” chris said as he started to think about all the times he has fucked her.
chris suddenly had a idea pop into his mind. “what if i shared her with you for a night?” chris randomly asked
nate widened his eyes making sure that he heard chris correctly. “would she even be down?” nate asked him not wanting to turn down a chance with the girl.
“i mean shes told me that shes always wanted to be tagteamed by me and someone else so im sure she would be down.” chris said
“i mean im down if you’re okay with that and of course her too.” nate said as he started to imagine the girls pretty mouth wrapped around him.
“im gonna text her real quick.”chris told his bestfriend as he grabbed his phone.
i just got out of the shower as i heard my phone go off. i seen that chris texted me. he wanted me to come hang out with him and nate.
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i put a hoodie and a pair of shorts on then slid my shoes on. i grabbed my phone and keys then headed to my car.
once i got to chris’ house i headed inside. this was normal for us since i was always here either for chris or to hang out with nick.
i headed into the living room and felt two sets of eyes stare me down. i sat down next to chris as he pulled me close to him. “hey mama.” he said as he kept looking at me.
nate was nervous for what could happen. he couldn’t believe he was gonna tag team the girl hes been down bad for with his bestfriend.
“hi chris”i said as i looked at him. fuck he looked so good with just a beanie and sweatpants on without a shirt. i could take him right then and there.
“what would you do if i said nate and i wanna tag team you?” chris said as i could feel my heat starting to get wet as i started to squeeze my legs together as they both noticed.
“i think she wants us too. what do you think chris?” nate said as he started to scoot closer to me leaving me in the middle of him and chris.
“i think so too nate. i can tell shes getting turned on just by thinking about us both using her like a whore.” chris said as he pulled me into his lap crashing his lips onto mine.
chris started to grind me down on him as we were making out as nate just sat there watching waiting to be touched by me. nate was so fucking hot, ive always wondered what hes like in bed.
chris suddenly pulled away from the kiss as he looked at me. “i think you should let nate get a taste of you baby. i think he deserves it dont you?” he said as i looked over at nate who was visibly getting hard.
i crawled off of chris’ lap. “come here babygirl.” nate said as he pulled me onto his lap as he grabbed me by the throat kissing me. suddenly it turned into a heated makeout session as i was grinding myself down on him.
“cmon nate lets take her to my room and treat her like shes nothing but a whore who wants to be used by the both of us.” chris said as i felt nate pick me up not breaking the kiss.
once we got into chris’ room nate threw me down on the bed roughly as both of them looked at me.
“strip.” chris said as he started to played with the hem of his sweats.
i stripped out of my hoodie and shorts til i was completely naked.
“i want you on all fucking fours rightnow.”nate demanded as i saw chris slip out of his sweats.
i got onto all fours arching my back for nate as chris got closer to me. “open up pretty girl.” he said as he slid his dick into my mouth.
i felt nates hot breath against my soaked cunt. “shes dripping chris. she really must want to use her. such a fucking slut.” nate said as he attached his mouth onto my clit with no warning.
i moaned against chris as i was deepthroating him the same time i was being ate out by nate.
suddenly two fingers were inserted to me as chris started roughly fucking himself into my mouth. i kept moaning against him in pleasure.
it felt so good to be used by the both of them. i often found myself thinking about what it would be like to get fucked by the both of them at the same time.
i felt chris’ thrusts into my mouth getting sloppier as i could tell he was getting close. “gonna cum in that pretty mouth of yours” chris moaned out as i felt myself getting close clenching around nates fingers.
“cum for me pretty girl.” nate said as i felt him slide his fingers out attaching his mouth to me as i felt my orgasm growing closer.
chris shot his seed into the back of my throat as i felt myself cumming on nates tounge.
nate licked me clean as chris pulled out of my mouth. “taste so good” nate said as he switched places with chris.
“cmere whore.”chris said as he pulled me to him and slammed himself into me as i let out a loud moan. he reached down slapping me on the face as i moaned in pleasure. “such a good fucking whore letting us use you”
nate pulled his clothes off as he got close to me sliding himself into my mouth as chris was pounding into me.
i teased nate as my tounge swirled around the slit of his dick before i took him all the way into my mouth. “dont fucking tease.” nate said
i felt myself clench around chris as he kept hitting my gspot. i kept deepthroating nate as chris was pounding into me.
“such a fucking slut already wanting to cum around my cock.” chris said pulled out slamming back in causing me to moan against nate.
“gonna cum all over that pretty face.” nate groaned as he pulled out of my mouth stroking himself as white strings of warm liquid was being shot onto my face.
“since youre being such a good whore you can cum baby.” chris said as i felt him start to twitch inside me.
chris pounded into me deeper and faster with each thrust as i felt my second orgasm growing closer and closer til i came around his cock.
“good fucking girl.” chris moaned as i felt him cum deep inside of me.
he pulled out of me as i felt nate flip me over to where i was on my back as he hovered over me.
“my turn.” nate said as he slowly slid himself into me letting me adjust to his size.
chris laid behind me as my head was laying on his thighs.
once i got used to the stretch of nates cock he started thrusting into me.
i let out a string of moans as he threw my legs over his shoulders so he could go deeper.
“youre such a fucking slut letting nate use my pussy yeah?” chris said as he was playing with my hair.
chris couldnt help but feel a little jealous at the sight of his bestfriend fucking the girl. he knew he shouldn’t because the girl and him were just fuck buddies. but there was a side of him that was turned on watching another guy fuck her as he had her laying on his thighs.
suddenly nate pulled out flipping the girl over til she was on all fours as he slammed back into her as she made eye contact with chris as nothing but moans left her mouth.
“look so pretty while getting fucked by another guy.” chris said as he felt his cock twitch with the eye contact the girl was giving him.
“wanna suck my cock again yeah?” chris said as the girl slid her mouth back onto his cock sucking him as she stroked him with what she couldnt fit into her mouth.
all that could be heard coming from chris’ room was the mixture of their moans and skin slapping together.
nate pounded into the girl as chris reached his hand down slapping the girls face once again.
“you like that dont you? you like being treated like a fucking whore letting me and nate use you dont you?” chris said as i felt nate slap my ass.
tears were rolling down my face as i was being overstimulated by being fucked by two different cocks.
i felt my third orgasm growing closer as nate kept abusing my cervix with his tip. “gonna cum!” i moaned out as i stroked chris while keeping eye contact.
“fuck you look so fucking sexy stroking my cock the sametime youre being fucked.” chris groaned
“cum for me princess. i know you can.” nate said as he pounded into me as i stroked chris til he came all over my hand.
i licked every drop of his cum off of my hand as i felt myself cumming around nates cock. a loud string of moans left my mouth as nate thrusted a few more times letting me come down from my high before he pulled out cumming all over my ass.
i felt my legs give out as i laid on chris’ thighs. chris pulled me up to him to where i was laying on his chest as he rubbed my back.
“nate go get a towel and clean her up.” chris said as he placed a soft kiss on my forehead.
nate went and got a towel as he came back wiping my ass off.
nate went back into chris’ bathroom to shower as chris cuddled me til i fell asleep.
i couldnt believe i just got tagteamed by chris and nate. something ive wanted for a while now.
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ateezscupid · 1 year
Note
switch yunho x f!reader? 😁
𝗳𝗶𝗿𝘀𝘁 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲 ✩ 𝗃.𝗒𝗁 𝗑 𝖿!𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖾𝗋
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plot - yunho has a problem, and to solve it, he needs to lose his virginity—to you.
genre + warnings - switch!yunho, switch!reader, non!idol au, college au, vanilla sex, aphrodisiacs used, humping, masturbation, oral, fingering (f receiving), handjob, blowjob, praising, light choking, overstimulation, unprotected sex, if i missed anything lmk!
wc - 4.3k (?)
tags - @felixs-voice-makes-me-wanna
a/n - I JUST REALIZED MY TUMBLR GLITCHED WHEN I POSTED THIS? i missed an entire part, oh my god.
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“dude, hongjoong just gave me these weirdo blue cookies.” mingi shoved the box toward yunho.
“what the hell? i’d expect that type of shit from wooyoung, not joong.” yunho laughed as he plopped onto the couch. mingi walked over and sat down next to him, handing him the box.
“apparently they’re cookies that make you super horny. i don’t get why hongjoong needed them though since he’s…not dating anyone. and he doesn’t even have anyone to hookup with. i guess delusion is what keeps him going.” mingi chuckles to himself as he leans back.
“cookies that make you horny… like aphrodisiacs? dudee, we should put some of these in yeosang’s lunch box tomorrow. he’s gonna need them for his girlfriend!”
“does his girlfriend even know what he looks like without clothes on?” mingi raised an eyebrow.
“i dunno, but he needs them.” yunho sat the box of cookies on the coffee table and groaned loudly, leaning back on the couch so much he almost slid off.
“i’m so bored, there’s nothing to do.”
“well, i have something to do.” mingi cackled quietly. “this girl in my math class invited me over to study for a test we have tomorrow and i already know we’re gonna hookup. i’m bringing three condoms just in case.”
“why the hell do you need three condoms if you’re only going one round?” yunho asked him. he was so innocent.
“who goes only one round? i’m not surprised; you’re not familiar with stuff like that since you are a virgin. there’s not one girl in this school who’s willing to get laid by you.”
“i—i don’t wanna have sex with a random person! that’s a you thing, mingi. not a me thing.” yunho sighed.
“im just saying!” mingi stood. “why don’t you call your tutor over? what’s her name…y/n? you have a fat crush on her, invite her over and you’ll be fine.”
“if i invite her over here, she’s gonna force me to do work and i’m not in the working mood right now. i wanna lay down and binge watch cringey reality tv shows.” yunho rolled his eyes. mingi shrugs and turns around, grabbing his backpack and slinging it over his shoulder.
“well, if you do change your mind and invite her over, don’t do it on my bed. i just washed my sheets and i don’t want there to be cum stains or whatever.”
“dude, shut up!” yunho through a balled up piece of paper at him. mingi stuck his tongue out then left the dorm, leaving yunho alone.
he stares at the cookie box on the table and ponders. the box looked really beaten up and old, and when he shook it, it didn’t sound like there were many inside of the box. maybe mingi was playing a prank on him or something. yunho thought aphrodisiacs expired in 2010, but he was clearly wrong.
he picks up the box of cookies and opens it. the cookies were blue, not surprising. they did seem a title hard, but he didn’t know if it was because of the aphrodisiacs or if it was because the cookies were old. there wasn’t even an expiration date on the box.
“blue cookies…” yunho repeated to himself as if he didn’t believe it. “blue cookies that make you horny. he must be joking.”
so, out of curiosity, yunho digs his hand inside and takes out six cookies. he sits the box back on the cookie table and looks at the cookies in his hand. they did look delicious, and it wouldn’t be the first time he’s eaten something stale or expired. plus, he was craving cookies.
without hesitation, yunho eats the cookies one by one. he couldn’t tell if the aphrodisiacs had done something to him or not. he felt fine, and his body temperature remained normal. yunho chuckled to himself and shook his head, standing up and walking to his bedroom. he really just ate cheap cookies that hongjoong gave him and mingi. he knew it was too good to be true.
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yh: hey hongjoong, whered you get those blue cookies from they were good
hj: blue cookies? idk what you’re talking abt
yh: mingi said you gave him horny blue cookies? dude he told me earlier
hj: huuhhhh
hj: OHHHHH THOSE COOKIES
yh: YEAH THOSE COOKIES whered you get them from they were good
hj: … you ate them?
yh: they’re cookies, wtf am i supposed to do
hj: yunho those are aphrodisiac cookies they’re gonna make u hard as hell for hours
yh: mingi told me that too but i’m fine
hj: dude omg these cookies are different, u don’t feel it right away how many did you eat
yh: like 5 or 6
hj: i’m gonna fucking kill tou
yh: YOU CANT EVEN SPELL HOW ARE YOU GONNA KILL ME
hj: YOU WERE ONLY SUPPOSED TO EAT ONE, ONE IS ENOUGH TO MAKE YOU HORNY AS HELL OH MY GOD
yh: ohhh
yh: did i do a bad
hj: i’m gonna hurt you
yh: so basically what ur saying is i’m fine
hj: what i’m saying is you need to find someone to fuck, otherwise ur gonna be horny for days dude and that’s not good
yh: who the hell am i gonna fuck?? i’m a virgin im sure nobody wants me
yh: hongjoong?
yh: OH MY GOD ANSWER YOUR PHONE
yunho sighed to himself and threw his phone. he was starting to feel the effects of the aphrodisiac and knew he was in trouble. not only that, but he called you and asked if you come come over to help him study. he couldn’t study while being rock hard, he’d be distracted. that, and he’d be sneaking glances down your shirt whenever he could.
“fuck fuck fuck,” he mumbled to himself and stands up, walking to the corner he threw his phone in and picking it up. 5:50. he knew mingi would be gone for a long time, and you were coming in ten minutes. he had time.
yunho kept checking the time while he walked to the bathroom, shutting the door behind him and pulling down his pants and boxers. he shuddered just from the fabric sliding off his cock. he was that sensitive.
now he needed something to think about. he could’ve just jerked off and came right away, considering how sensitive he was, but he preferred thinking about something that would normally get him turned on. so, he thought about you.
yunho closed his eyes, wrapping his hand around his cock and flinching at the feeling. he couldn’t even stand the feel of his own hand without feeling the urge to cum. he knew it was going to be a long night.
he brings his hand up to his tip. he runs his thumb across the tip, leaning forward slightly and cursing under his breath. he needed more. his hand obviously felt good, but not good enough. he looks around the bathroom for anything that could help him, and sees his towel hanging on the shower rod.
yunho grabs it then leaves his bathroom. he shuffles back over to his bed and places the towel down, getting on top and aligning his hips. he places a pillow in front of him and lays down it, beginning to push and pull his hips like a mad man.
his fingers desperately gripped the bed sheets for some sort of support as he tried relieving himself. he already felt himself wanting to cum onto the towel, and all he was doing was thinking of you.
from your pretty eyes to your chest, where’d he’s sneak glances down your shirt from time to time. he’s always wondered what it would be like to just touch you. it didn’t matter in what way, he just needed his skin to be in contact with yours. your skin was so soft, and you always smelled like really expensive perfume. your smell was infecting him and he had no complaints.
“please, oh fuck, please…” he whines into the pillow in front of him, gripping the bed sheets the tightest he possibly could. he felt himself beginning to burst already, all he needed were a few more thrusts and he’d be good to go.
and he was right. a few more thrusts. a few more thrusts caused yunho to explode on the towel, his cum splattering onto it as he mewled into the pillow. his breath hitched in his throat and his eyes rolled to the back of his head. he needed that, but yet, he still needed more. he still felt hot.
so, he had no other choice but to force himself back down onto the pillow and continue thrusting. he obviously couldn’t ignore the overstimulation he felt, but he was willing to go through anything just to get rid of this feeling. as good as it made him feel, it was painful. the entire time, he was wondering how you would touch him. he couldn’t lie. he’s fantasized about you two doing intimate things a lot. so much so, sometimes he wouldn’t be able to focus during some tutoring session.
would you have palmed him through his pants? god, he could see you doing it. moving your soft, gentle hands over his bulge, rubbing your thumb over the wet spot in his boxers from his pre-cum. using your fingers to hold his cock and stroke his cock roughly. he could’ve came from these thoughts alone.
what if you had taken off your shirt in front of him? unbuttoning your favorite button up and letting him fondle your breasts. every glance he snuck down your shirt made him want you even more each time. your breasts were so pretty to him. he wanted to suck on them just once. he wished somebody you’d be in his bed, your hand in his pants or the other way around. god, he didn’t know if he wanted to pin you down, or if he wanted you to pin him down.
yunho came a good two more times before you arrived in front of his dorm room. he immediately jumps up, pulling his boxers and shorts up then sprinting to the door. but he needed to calm himself down. his face had sex splattered all over it, or he had the face of someone who had just eaten two jars of aphrodisiac cookies. speaking of the cookies, he may or may not have eaten two more just for the fun of it.
and in the heat of the moment.
there weren’t any words to describe the feeling he had. he was so sensitive, he could barely move but he tried his hardest. he opens the door and looks you up and down, not realizing he licked his lips at the sight of you.
“um, okay? i guess that’s a nice way to greet me.” you nod and walk past him, placing your backpack on the couch then sitting down next to it.
“i didn’t bring anything because i know you have some old worksheets somewhere. and you still have a computer,” you point at the one on the tv stand. “so we can use your computer instead of me going back to my dorm to get mine!”
“i’m, um,” yunho was definitely listening to you, but everything was registering to him slowly. “uh, uh, yeah! yeah,”
“you good? you’re sweating a whole lot and-“
“i’m fine! could never be better! you want a water? i’ll get you a water, you look thirsty! and uh, uh, i’ll get you an orange. we have oranges! you want an orange?”
“yunho, it’s fine. i brought my own-“
“i’ll get you an orange!” and with that, he rushes to the kitchen. he waits for you to avert your attention away from him before he rushes into the pantry. judging his behavior, something was wrong with him. you pat your hands on your knees and bite your lip. it shouldn’t take this long to get a drink.
when looking around the looking room, you notice a box on the ground. you stand and walk over to it, picking it up and looking inside of it. the box had a few cookies in it. you wanted to eat one but wanted to ask yunho. but before you even had the chance to do that, you saw the name on the box and heard a noise from the pantry.
“aphrodisiac cookies…” you mumble to yourself then whip your head toward the pantry. those weren’t just random noises, those were moans. you facepalmed.
“is he really jerking off in the pantry…” you shake your head and drop the box of cookies, walking into yunho’s kitchen and opening the door to the pantry. you couldn’t have been any more correct. he was leaning against the wall, pants down to knees and his hand wrapped around his cock. he was too caught up to realize you were standing right there.
“jeong yunho!” you yelled his name, causing him to jump and look at you. “how many of those fucking cookies did you eat?”
“i-i—look, i didn’t know those cookies were gonna make me horny! i-i thought they were regular cookies! if you’re gonna blame anyone, blame hongjoong!—“
“that’s not what i asked you. i asked you how many cookies you’ve had.” you squint your eyes.
“i-i had like—six or eight? i don’t know, i can’t remember, i feel like i’m gonna burst. y/n please help, everything hurts—“
“i…” you groan and pull him out of the pantry. he rushed to pull his shorts up as you dragged him toward his room, though he didn’t have to since they were gonna be off in the next few minutes.
“you really have me sucking you off because you ate some damn drug cookies.” you scratch your head and push him onto the bed.
“stop talking and do something, please,” he begs. your eyes trail down his body and make it to his cock. one thing was for sure, he was big. “fuck, did you always smell this good? you smell really good.”
“i didn’t even put on perfume today, what are you smelling?” you say as your hand moves against his cock softly, fingers poking his tip. his entire body tensed from the feeling.
“i smell everything. y/n, stop teasing me and do something, i feel like i’m gonna die! i could die! i-i could die if we don’t do anything!”
“jeong yunho, i will leave you in this bedroom with blue balls if you don’t shut up.” you stare him dead in the eyes and immediately curl your fingers around his cock. yunho lurched forward and moaned loudly, thighs shaking and his lips trembling.
“fuck fuck fuck, i’m gonna-“ he came all over your hand. you backed up a bit since you didn’t want any to get on your shirt.
“yunho, i didn’t even move my hand yet.” you sigh and take your hand off of him, bringing it up to your mouth and licking the cum off of it. “i assume that’s all you needed, right?—“
“that’s not even the only time i’ve cum, please. i really can’t- i just- please let me feel you.” he reached his hand out and grabs your wrist, pulling you closer and making you straddle him. he wraps his arms around your waist and begins kissing you all over your neck and chest.
“yunho, calm down-“
“cant, i need you, please…” he dug his nails into your shirt, whimpering quietly with each kiss he gave you.
“okay yunho, okay. what do you want me to do? or, what do you wanna do to me?”
without saying a word, he turns around on the bed and throws you down. his hands ran all over your body. god, he couldn’t get over how soft your skin was. he was so obsessed with you in the best way possible. his hands move underneath your shirt and he starts fondling your breasts, his thumbs pressing down on your nipples.
you held onto his wrist for a few moments until he went down your body and started unbuckling your jeans. once down, he pulls them down and throws them elsewhere before diving in between your legs. he didn’t bother taking your underwear off. he pushed them to the side and dove in, lips attached to your clit.
“holy fu—“ a tingling sensation coursed through your body. yunho made sure to look up a few times to catch your expression change. this was way better than what he’s been thinking about.
“y-yunho, slow down! f-fuck, i’m not going—oh my god,” you couldn’t even form a full sentence. having him stick his tongue between your folds made you spill incoherent words out of your mouth. he had you wondering how many other women he’s been with to be this good. but, it couldn’t have been many women? you could’ve sworn he was a virgin? unless he was lying.
“please, yunho please,” you begged, hands tangled in his hair. “fuck, i’m gonna cum…”
“please do it.” he mumbles against your clit. the pleasure had become too much and you literally exploded on his face, back arching off of the sheets with your face scrunching from the power of your orgasm. but even after cumming, he still needed more from you.
he throws your legs over his shoulders and locks his arms around them, attempting to hold you still while he continued eating you out. he just never caught a break. you were sensitive after your orgasm and knew he was going to overstimulate the hell out of you. you pushed his head back and stared at him for a moment. just looking into his eyes, you could tell he was desperate.
“how…fuck,” you had to catch your breath before speaking. “how many girls did you have to sleep with for you to be able to do that…”
“none.” he said quickly, bringing his hand up and sticking two fingers inside of you without warning. your body jolted and you looked down at his fingers, moaning softly due to the feeling. “can you squirt? i wanna see if you can squirt.”
“y-yunho, wait—“ your thighs begin to shake as yunho hums against your thigh, fingers moving at an accelerated pace. he wanted to make you cum, he wanted you to cum on his fingers so he knew he was doing a good job. yunho could tell you were close because of your moans growing louder and louder.
“f-faster, please!” you cry out. he did so without hesitation, curling his fingers to press on your g-spot. just by that one action, the knot in your stomach begins to unravel. you feel yourself beat up as your thighs clench around his face, trapping him between them as a large amount of liquid left your body. he helped you through your orgasm by moving his fingers faster, his free hand on your stomach to feel you.
once you came down from your high, he took his fingers out of you and sucked on them. he crawls up and kissed you, littering your face and neck with kisses. while he wasn’t looking, you use your hand to grab his cock, gently rubbing his tip and watching his face contort in pleasure.
“y/n, y/n wait…” he whined, falling back on the bed and grabbing a pillow. he wraps his arms around it and hugs it. his pretty moans mixed with the slick, wet sounds coming from him rang in your ears. and you couldn’t get enough of it. it only encouraged you to move your hand faster. you smile and get on top of him, now using both hands.
“p-please, let me inside.” his hips were between your legs when you straddled him, his erection rubbing against your heat. you needed a few seconds to calm your body down before realizing what he meant.
“uh uh, my turn.” you hold onto his shoulders and use every muscle in your body to flip him over. he was on his back and you were on top of him.
“let me suck you off, then i’ll let you in.”
“please, fuck, i can’t wait any longer just-“
you put a finger to his lips. he shuts up immediately and watched as you go down his body, leaving kisses wherever you could. once his cock was right in front of your face, you couldn’t help but give it a small lick. he shuddered from your action.
“fuck, how sensitive are you?” you chuckle, now bringing your hand to wrap around his length. he didn’t bother answering. he threw his head back and groaned, his cock twitching in your hand.
the sight before him could’ve made him cum on the spot. seeing you lay between his legs, your feet swinging back and forth behind you, and the arch of your back made him hornier. you could feel his gaze on you as you licked all along his erection, giggling softly and sending vibrations through his body.
he completely melted in your touch, his groans echoing throughout the bedroom. he was using everything in him not to cum on the spot. you couldn’t lie, he tasted amazing. you’d do this all day if he let you.
“f-fuck, your mouth…i love your mouth, s’good…” he whimpers while sitting up on his elbows, head thrown back and his cock twitching constantly in your mouth. you gently take him out of your mouth and kiss his tip gently, now moving your hands to bring him closer to the edge.
“are you gonna cum? is my pretty boy gonna cum?” you smile. you stared at yunho intently, watching his body break down from the overstimulation. it wasn’t surprising since he said he’s came more than five times today.
“please,” he begged. “f-faster, let me cu—f-fuck, please! please please please,” his cheeks were flushed, and you couldn’t help but coo.
“go ahead and cum, pretty.” his hips violently thrust into your hand. those cookies were doing so much to him, he couldn’t focus.
“f-fuck!” he cries out. “c-cumming, i’m cumming—i’m gonna-“ he finally let go, cumming all over your hand. you slowed your strokes to not overstimulate him before backing away.
“you did so well for me, yuyu.” you spoke softly, gently rubbing his thigh as you waited for him to come down from his high. he slowly sits up and smiles at you. he was still hard, and still pulsing.
“are you sure you wanna keep going?” you tilt your head. “and, um, if this is gonna be your first time then, i don’t know, i think you should reconsi-“
he pulls you up from underneath your arms and sits you on his lap. “if it’s you, i don’t care. now please, i feel like my dick is gonna bust.”
“oh my god, okay.” you smile and lift your hips, lining him up then sinking down onto his cock. yunho watched as you swallowed his length entirely, it disappeared completely and he couldn’t help but moan from the sight. you almost collapsed on top of him trying to control yourself. it’s been so long since you felt this way. you needed this.
“can i move?” your hands run across his chest, lightly scratching. yunho didn’t say anything. he was focusing on not cumming inside of you, you sucked him in like a vacuum.
“yunho?” you lean down. “i’ll lay on my back, so you can move. okay?”
“wait, just—wait,” he moans softly. he finally pulled himself together and gripped onto your hips, flipping the two of you over again so he was hovering over you. your hands wrap around his neck and he sucked his bottom lip into his mouth.
“you feel so fucking good,” he groans. “fuck, i wanna stay like this forever.”
“we can, yunho,” you moan breathlessly. “please move.”
he didn’t start slow. just as you told him to move, he started snapping his hips against yours, the sounds of your skin colliding echoing around the room, just like your moans. you throw your head back and moan, pulling him down and pressing your lips against his. each time his cock drives in and out of you, his name slipped out your mouth.
the both of you were lost in the moment, moaning into each others mouths and chasing your high. yunho backs away from your face and pushes his in your neck, kissing and biting softly. everyone was going to know you were his, now.
yunho grabs the underside of your knee and pushes your leg back further, now thrusting at an angle that made you feel dizzy. your back arched off the bed and his movements became rougher. he was so close.
“y/n, y-y/n, where do i…w-where do i cum?” he pants in your ear. “f-fuck, i’m so close.”
“i-inside! p-please please please,” you begged. and with the last few stuttering thrusts, you feel him basically explode inside of you. you tightened around his cock as you came the same time, repeating his name as if you were a broken record.
you make sure to hold onto him the tightest you possibly could, taking in the moment while moaning loudly. you weren’t sure about what to say or what to do, it was like he fucked the breath out of you. he cuddles against your body, breathing heavily in your ear while trying to stop his body from shaking.
“y/n, please stay with me…” he whimpers in your ear. “love you so much, i love you, stay, please.”
“don’t worry, i’ll stay.”
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