#im sure you can understand

[musingsbycaitlin]

if i must give up, then so must you: a wip intro

it's been about a year since i last posted on here, and even longer since i posted a wip update or intro, and i apologise for that. basically living away from home at uni made me ✨anxious✨ and ✨mentally ill✨ so the only writing i ever did was for assignments and my creative brain was turned off entirely. but! now that i'm back home and getting help, boy do i have a wip intro for you!

tw: gun violence, alcohol abuse, emotional abuse

disclaimer: this is my original work and plagiarism is never tolerated.

okay let's go:

genre: literary fiction

setting: 1800's, somewhere in the wild west

predicted word count: 50k

pov: first person, present tense, unnamed narrator

status: about 5k into the first draft

aesthetics: loading a rifle, wind whipping up skirts, dusty earth under feet, struggling to breathe, sleeping for a week, floral wallpaper, sunlit dust in the window, long-legged spider crawling along wooden floorboards, fingernails brushing arm hair, dogs barking in the distance, creaky gates, chewing tobacco floating in a whiskey glass, snuffed candles, laced lingerie hanging on the back of a chair, teeth touching

summary: it seems odd that her grandmother would lie, but our unnamed narrator is questioning her late grandmother's wisdom after a group of bandits raid her town. over night, she feels compelled to follow a lone cowboy she spies from the edge of her town, and finds herself going on a reflective journey across the wild west. From town to town, she wanders and meets people; she falls in love with someone she didn't expect; she learns what it means to be a woman without the burdens of her grandmother's lies. 'if i must give up' is a story about learning truths whilst growing up secluded, and reflecting on past traumas and the guilt that lingers there.

characters (the few main ones at least):

narrator: 20, (she/her), this barbie is down on her luck fr. she is just muddling her way through compulsive thoughts and actions and following this guy just because she can. a truly chaotic queen.

anne: 30, (she/her), the definition of gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss. she says, dont talk to me unless you're pretty, but if you're pretty she can't talk through the drool. somehow a simp. anne please explain yourself to me.

jonah: 30-ish, (he/him to a hellish extent), good god please sir just sit down. major gael vibes, let that sink in. this ken's job is emotionally manipulate. im done talking about this man.

brady: 46, (they/them), a cowboy just out for a good time, riding and riding in both connotations of the word iykyk. lets give a hand to the obligatory orville peck inspired character of the book. if tassles on cowboy hats where invented, they would be rocking it daily. oblivious yet knowledgeable, gruff yet softly spoken. they are my fave, i will take no further questions.

#okay okay ill hold for applause #wip intro #if i must give up #lit fic #wip #im actually obsessed with this story idea #im only 5k in but it is already so juicy and chaotic #also sorry for hating on jonah its just that i hate him #im sure you can understand #rachel of rachelwrites said in her youtube live that a old western lit fic sounded cool and my ego smashed through the ceiling #anyway #enjoy and hopefully ill be able to post more updates x

[lotus-pear]

yeah sure therapy is nice but teen soukoku is faster and a lot cheaper

#LITERALLY STILL IN SHAMBLES OVER 109 THIS IS HOW IM COPING #thinking abt how much harder teen skk hits bc that's when chuuya started using corruption and they had to learn to trust each other #like with their lives. #not ''hey dazai i'm lending you five bucks so you can get me a coke from the vending machine i trust you'll give me the change'' #although i'm sure that's happened and dazai runs off with the change despite being explicitly told not to bc he's an ass #anyway despite not having mutual understanding or even sympathy for the other person they entrusted their lives to each other #also the fact that chuuya isn't likely human but so desperately wants to be and dazai is the tether to his humanity #likewise how dazai was so traumatized to the point where he couldn't feel human #but meeting chuuya made him think living was worth a shot #the parallels are paralleling #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #nakahara chuuya #chuuya nakahara #soukoku #skk #lotus draws

[mmmairon]

Please. I don’t want to hurt you.

Inspired by @wyvernne ’s vampluc

#sad and angsty vampire turned against his will and only drinks from animals because he sees himself as a monster #which leaves him incredibly weak and thirsty for real sustenance but he would rather drink his own blood than hurt you #his control will only last for so long! #sorry for being incredibly inactive and unresponsive with asks #lots of change in my life right now that’s leaving me incredibly anxious #can’t focus well so I just avoid things constantly. im sure someone can understand what I mean #oh well #diluc #my art #genshin impact #vampluc

[kagoutiss]

does anyone. share my vision

#stardew valley #stardew valley spoilers #sdv #sdv spoilers #grandpa #mister qi #mr. qi #‘youve made us very proud!’ ok so you guys are in crazy old man love i see how it is. i understand #can an old man farmer ghost and an immortal(?) old man capitalist freak fall in love. Apparently #theyre so funny sorry. also i just think it’s very cute how Qi seems to perceive himself as being superior to everyone else in existence #with one exception. which is apparently your grandpa. who is front and center in this cutscene instead of Qi #who for once seems content to stand at someone’s side. instead of them both standing equally in center screen #or viewing him as just another limitation to surpass #idk im for sure reading way too into it but. ​the farmer’s grandpa seems to be very special to him lol;;

[fossilizedhysterics]

guess who finished tlok tonight and immediately had this come to him in a vision!!!!

#i. really like tlok. like a lot #i understand why people dont like it #and i can accept that OBJECTIVELY its not that great #but i had a fantastic time with it #anyways yeah. gay people #tbh. would not call zhu li and varrick normal. most queer straight couple on the planet. #hes a gay man. shes a lesbian. theyre in love. do you get it. #i dont have that many thoughts abt wuko. i really really like it though. #wu is like the webkinz milk cat to me. i need to throw him against a wall really hard. #and of course. korrasami. what is there to even say there #one thing i will say is before watching it i TOTALLY thought asami was a fire bender and also evil #like i kept thinking “yep this is when she turns evil and then theres enemies to lovers” but nope #not a bender or evil and honestly im glad #she totally wouldve been justified in becoming evil though. i sure wouldve #love her.so much #korra too ofc #i have SO MANY more thoughts but im gonna run out of space #last thing i will say is i am a guy who will just always prefer media i can criticize #love atla. but theres nothing there for me to really sink my teeth into or like bitch about #i love it when media is KIND OF BAD and i can RANT ANGRILLY about it #the legend of korra #tlok #legend of korra #korrasami #wuko #zhurrick #korra #asami sato #mako tlok #prince wu

[deltoidlover]

TREPIDATION.

drew this while i was on a holiday, wanted to experiment with a limited colour palette

#gordon freeman #half life 2 #half life fanart #my art #gman #im still pretty happy about the colours in this piece #it was inspired by the hl1 promo art with gordon looking over his shoulder you know the one #i thought that portraying the gman as a collection of abstract shapes would show that he's more than just some guy in a suit #maybe what he is is more than we can ever imagine #i like when people portray the gman like that i'm sure you understand what i'm getting at

[mihotose]

anyway probably the best way to play disco elysium is to not zone out when its talking politics at you. its the talking politics at you game

#sowwy i get mad when i see liveblogs like that. if you dont understand the politics you can like. google words #gemitus #i have a fun system of making posts where i see something stupid and go to make a post about it #and then i calm down and its not that deep so i just save it as a draft. and then i see it happen again so im finally allowed to press post #thats not relevant to this one of course. haha. . #disco elysium #sure it can go in the tag

[thelilylav]

We only see each other at funerals

(On Jason, Thalia, Nico, Bianca, and their parallels/connections)

The Titan's Curse (Rick Riordan), @/anxiousmaya_, Right Now (Gracie Abrams), The Battle of the Labyrinth (Rick Riordan), Joan of Arc (Mary Gordon), The Lost Hero (Rick Riordan), Episodes Toward and Elegy for Halley's Comet (Lindsey Drager), Jason Grace (Riordan Wiki), The Gods Show Up (Michael Kinnucan), The House of Hades (Rick Riordan), What the Living Do (Marie Howe), The House of Hades (Rick Riordan), Planet of Love (Richard Siken), The Blood of Olympus (Rick Riordan), Tangerine (Nolune), The Blood of Olympus (Rick Riordan), The Blood of Olympus (Rick Riordan), I Bet On Losing Dogs (Mitski), The Burning Maze (Rick Riordan), @/abhorarchive (Twitter), The Burning Maze (Rick Riordan), Seventeen (MARINA), The Burning Maze (Rick Riordan), @/rollercoasterwords, The Tyrant's Tomb (Rick Riordan), @/the-overanalyst, Where Things Come Back (John Corey Whaley), Grit (Silas Denver Martin), Softcore (The Neighbourhood), The Tower of Nero (Rick Riordan), Frost (Mitski), @/moonbends, I'm Your Man (Mitski), Sun Bleached Flies (Ethel Cain), The Tower of Nero (Rick Riordan), Three (Sleeping At Last), My Art

#nono you don't understand it's about the siblings #it's about how thalia lost jason once only to get him back and lose him again #it's how jason and bianca both walked into their deaths with their eyes wide open #it's about zeus trying to kill nico and bianca and him doing nothing to stop jason from dying #it's about thalia being in the hunters and nico hating her but he knows how to grieve with that kind of loss #so he'll help her. for jason. for bianca. because no one deserves to mourn a sibling alone #like these four barely interact but they're soooo connected i could go on forever #i'm so sad thalia and nico never actually got a scene together after the burning maze #and ALSO #it's about the fact that reyna is one of the most (if not the most) important people left in their lives #LIKE #do you think thalia found out how close nico and reyna were and started watching her more closely #because every person the two of them have shared has ended up six feet under #so reyna gets annoyed with how protective thalia is but she doesn't stop her bc part of her can tell thalia needs it #and nico constantly checks to make sure reyna's life force is still strong #bc he never wants to be caught off guard by a death again #ok im done now i promise #the trials of apollo #trials of apollo #nico di angelo #reyna ramirez arellano #reyna avila ramirez arellano #web weaving #fanart #my art tag #thalia grace #jason grace #percy jackson #percy jackson fanart #bianca di angelo

[viperbooty]

Back to talking about the Fantasy Fandom and the racism that tends to be part of it!

I genuinely think if Wyll were white he'd get way more attention and love. He'd have sparkle flower crown edits saying "My sweet cornball!!" "My boys got daddy issues!!". Also Warlock is a class beloved by many. And as someone who plays a warlock in bg3 having two of them fucking ROCKED, I always had spells at the ready. So really saying "buh! buh! two warlocks is just bad!" its really not, short rests and cantrips out the asshole really make it easy.

Anyway.

If Gale were black he would be fully ignored and people would, in masses, complain about how annoying he is, how useless he is, how he doesn't really fit in with the rest of the "way more interesting cast". How he's so unbearably straight because all he talks about is his ex.

Lemme keep on this though because if Shadowheart was a Black Person she would have been fucking Crucified for the way she talks about other races, other religions, and just in general the way you have to pull information out of her like pulling teeth. Also if she were a black woman she'd be reduced to "uncaring boss bitch who "dont need no man"" or "unbarable bitch who needs to be Killed"

Am I getting my point across enough?

Wyll was shafted by the game by having literally less content than the rest of the party. Wyll DOES have an interesting story. Wyll is also corny, he's funny, he's so sweet, and his conversations with Karlach are soooo great and yet it's all abandoned because he's generally viewed as "boring".

And by the way. You are allowed to like and dislike characters. But I see a lot of people side stepping the Fantasy Racism to say "but hes just boring thats why I dont like him". Like sure, if you gave Wyll an honest chance and still found him boring then that's your opinion and choice! HOWEVER!! We CANNOT ignore that he is being LEFT OUT of edits, of fan art, of character discussions. When I see posts that are the entire cast MINUS Wyll it tells me everything I need to know about you.

Also one last thing... I cannot imagine being Wyll's VA and seeing how many times you are being left out on purpose. How so few add your character to edits, or fan art. It has to be crushing to some extent, even if you expected it.

#bg3 #bg3 wyll #the color of a characters skin seems to be the measurement of love and interest for the fandom #i genuinely do not understand why people also shove him into “token straight cop” HES LITERALLY NOT. #as a black person it makes my heart ache for the fact he would be absolutely ADORED if he were a fucking white boy #the way people would swoon for him and his cornyness - or explore his background with his pact #feel free to add to this anyway youd like but if you comment BUT HES BORING im going to spear you like an angry caveman #also this is coming from seeing the fucking new wave of hate for a new castlevania black vampire #sure sure you can believe a fantasy world full of magic and creatures but BLACK is where the line is drawn like bffr

[tangledinink]

look what i just got!!! :D

thank you so much @sopafa i adore it! it's beautiful <3 super soft and comfy i'm showing it off to everyone i know, hehe. and thank you so much for the extra surprise goodies i got too! ;3c

ft. my swannie plush from @theaspieasp coz i love any excuse to show him off and i know he'd love the chance to pose for some pics~

#its perfect im so excited ; w ; #worth the wait for sure!!! #and it has BIGASS POCKETS #I CAN ACTUALLY FIT STUFF IN HERE #MY WHOLE PHONE FITS <3 #thank you so much! and for taking the time to run around and fight with suppliers to make sure we got something wonderful! #if im understanding correctly i know u may still be fighting the good fight for the other jackets for the rest of the mad dogz #GODSPEED! BEST OF LUCK! I BELIEVE IN YOU! #im sorry youve had to struggle with it but i believe in u <3 #rottmnt #rottmnt donnie #rottmnt donatello #rise donnie #rise donatello #tmnt #tmnt 2018 #tmnt 2k18 #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise of the tmnt

[lizardsarecute]

#hi fi rush #found this in the game files ;-; #i'm feeling a lil bitter today im sure you can understand #tango-chan you deserved better #sad laughs considering the premise of the game

[starry-bi-sky]

how do you clone a fey? that's trick question; and fey love those!

@the-navistar-carol (<333) brought up a good point while I was talking about my changeling danny au with her -- Dani! How would she exist in this au? Danny's a changeling - a fae. How would Dani, a clone of him, be created? How do you make a fey? Not through any means that Vlad is doing; you can't make a fey through unnatural means, considering the Fair Folk are nature. And Vlad's not a fey himself -- he's a halfa, even if he could make a fey, it's not in his best interest too. He's a powerful ghost, but even the weakest fae can overpower the strongest ghost. He won't want a clone of Daniel to be more powerful than him.

(In a three tier hierarchy it goes Ancients -> Fae/Mythos -> Ghosts. They all live in the Infinite Realms, but on different Planes. The fae live above the Ghost Zone in the Fey Wild, while the Mythos live beside the Wilds or down in the ghost zone depending on where they are. Places like the Frozone, the Athens Acropolis, and other such large islands climb throughout all three Planes.)

(While Ghosts can travel into the Fey Wild, its generally advised against as the ectoplasm tends to manifest differently there due to close contact magic. It can make it rather disorientating for a ghost, and as human spirits, the Fae living there would jump them faster than they could blink. So unless you're willing to play mind games with 'steal thy name eat thy face' fae, most ghosts keep out of the way of the Wilds. Fey can travel down into the Ghost Zone, they just don't bother.)

That's of course, not taking into account if Vlad even knows Danny's a fae himself. Vlad doesn't ring me as someone who really cares much about ghost culture or the going ons of the GZ. He might be aware that fae exist, but the moment he realizes he can't use them for personal gain he just doesn't bother with them. The risk is greater than the reward, and he'd rather not get eaten. But lets assume he's aware by now that Danny is fey, and has to take that into account while cloning him.

So, how does Dani exist? Good question! Honestly; i'm not sure. She might not exist at all, or if she does, she's more halfa than fey. Vlad would need a lot of human dna and ectoplasm to balance out all that fae magic. He manages to steal DNA from Jack and Maddie to do it, and since Jack's fey ancestry is very dormant its much easier to use alongside Danny's DNA.

In turn, it results in a little girl whose more human-ghost hybrid than clone. With that little extra boost in fey magic making her not a fey, but still relatively powerful. Dani is less of a clone and more of a lab-grown little sister. It's a rather tedious, complex process that has Vlad tearing his hair out trying to figure out. But he does eventually figure it out.

#dpxdc #danny fenton is not the ghost king #dpxdc crossover #changeling danny au #danielle fenton #danny phantom #still no mention of DPXDC yet so i'm adding the DP tags if thats alright lmao #how do you clone a fey? trick question! you can't. you can only make something that's not-quite fey but has ties to them. #dani's fey ancestry is an ounce of water compared to the bucket of everything else. which is more than the drop in the pond compared to jac #but not quite as powerful as changeling daniel. whose more fey than human at this rate. which is very fun to think about in terms of #his rogues haha. imagine going into the human realm about to cause chaos only to come face to face with a baby fey. a changeling. #i'd simply pass away a second time. where is your parent. human raised or otherwise?? are they nearby??? shit i thought fey hated urban #cities. what are YOU doing here baby man. im going to get eaten holy fuck. that's so many teeth. #. oh. oh you think you're a ghost. hm. hmhm. i can work with that. lets just. make sure you keep thinking that okay :) great :)) #like jumpscare dude. i just saw my afterlife flash before my eyes. hello unsupervised fey child. holy fuck are you teeny tiny. #vlad probably uses some of his own dna to get the halfa effect so really dani's more of a lab grown *half* sister. Danny's gonna end up #stealing her anyways in the end. his sister now :). non-human danny my beloved #catch me using fey and fae interchangeably. my bad #some food for thought sorry if its hard to understand. #steal thy name. eat thy face fey

[lollytea]

I don't think Willow and Hunter start dating immediately after the events of W&D. They know they're something and they're both open to exploring that when they're ready. But they also agree that it would be in their best interest to adjust to their new normal and do some soul searching before they make themselves an official item. They don't consider themselves dating but they don't consider themselves single either. And the way the two of them approach their feelings for each other in this murky limbo state is vastly different for both of them.

Like if somebody asks Willow if she's in love with Hunter, it's like

Willow: Am I in-...? Well, it's...complicated. It's a very complicated situation we're in and I don't want to make any bold decisions right away. Do I love him as a friend? Of course I do. Am I physically attracted to him? Yes, but hormones don't mean love. Am I also emotionally attracted to him? Yes, but a crush isn't love. Do all of these things at once equate to being in love? Well, that seems like the kind of question that would keep a very nervous very scared person lying awake all night. Good thing that's not me, haha. It's not like I'm scared to be in love and I'm subconsciously avoiding confronting the fact that I am. I just believe in staying rational and analyzing your emotions so you don't get too reckless and dive into things without thinking. You'll hurt yourself. I've heard that's it's really easy to hurt yourself when you're in love. You see it's...we...Hunter and I met at a really crazy time, when I was just starting to become the witch I want to be. And then everything got so much crazier and we were confused and scared and it was hard to think about who you wanted to be when you weren't where you wanted to be. So now we're home. And finally, we have the chance to figure ourselves out. And that's exactly what we're gonna do. I want to be with him...eventually. When we're ready. I like him and I want to kiss him but I'm not in love with him. I'm totally not.

Meanwhile, on the other side of Bonesborough

Del: Willow seems like a nice girl.

Hunter: Yeah. I'm in love with her.

#do you understand my vision of Willow having a very tangly brain when it comes to putting her heart in somebodys hands #i feel very strongly about this #also i really enjoy the idea that loving somebody is one of the few things that Hunter is certain about #since LR aired ive been seeing headcanons from hunlow dislikers and hunlow enjoyers alike #that hunter is confused #always confused about how he feels about willow #thinking for the longest time that this is just platonic admiration #or people saying hes confusing platonic admiration for a crush #confused. confused. hes always confused #nothing wrong with that headcanon #everybody can interpret hunlow whatever way they want. im not a cop #but for me personally i always saw it as like. once he realized this was a crush he knew exactly what he wanted from it #never been so sure of something in his life #huntlow

[strawglicks]

currently thinking about this one godawful take i saw about a year ago in the clashcord server where someone said- no, someone DEMANDED that you cannot ship cogs because they are evil and corporate.

the implication that shipping characters who are morally bad is problematic. the implication that because characters are morally bad, that they are automatically bad for EACH OTHER. the implication that characters who are morally bad cannot have a healthy relationship, even with another character who is morally bad and shares similar bad morals, which would likely make their bond stronger so what even is that load of dirty barnacles.

the FURTHER implication that every cog is flat evil with no nuance or complexity, completely erasing the depth of their characters. it just keeps going.

this is truly one of the takes of all time. this has LAYERS. several bad takes wrapped in one single sentence. this person publicly DEMANDED this in a busy chat in a big server. they thought they were cooking up a full coarse meal with this one. the confidence in such an abhorrent take is hilarious and it's stuck with me to this day. i still wish i could see their reaction when firesetter was officially canonized, and clearly treated as a ship that is, in fact, okay and encouraged to ship.

hell, lets use firesetter as an example:

Flint commits arson on a regular basis towards toons, the citizens of this town the company he works for is invading and colonizing. They seek confidence and pride through doing this as its the only place their arson is encouraged by the people they work for.

Graham is overlyconfident to the point of tearing others down for the sake of his own pride. Wants to take over the whole company one day just to fuel his ego, be on top, be the best, be praised by people that he sees as below him.

Meanwhile, these two are in a happy relationship in which Graham encourages Flint not to let people walk all over them while Flint is there for Graham in his more vulnerable moments (meeting of two minds when he was flipping out over the job). They are canon, encouraged to be shipped, have several references in the game and lore, and wouldn't you know it, their plushies are being released together with pride flags attached in like a week.

They're both shitty people and yet they love and support each other.

Make no mistake, this is not me complaining or being angry over this take. I was angry at the time it was freshly shat out of this person's mind, but nowadays it gives me a hearty chuckle. A guffaw even. A kneeslap perhaps. Getting angry gets tiring. Sometimes you have to laugh at it.

#toontown #toontown corporate clash #ttcc #i understand being annoyed when someone ships to the point they ERASE a characters flaws or bad morals. that is an understandable complaint #but that is not what this take was saying #i . i guess ill tag firesetter? #firesetter #I NEED TO CLARIFY TO MAKE SURE NO CREEPS FIND THIS POST AND THINK ITS A SAFE SPOT FOR THEM. #no proshitters this is not a place for you go away. #this is not me saying you can enjoy genuinely unhealthy and creepy ships. #this is me saying that characters who are bad people can still have a HEALTHY relationship #ok cool #edit: i feel like this post comes off as rlly aggressive and its BOTHERING ME #this is genuinely me having lighthearted fun LMAO #this is actually one of the few posts ive made abt bad takes #where im not like. upset #or bothered by it #idk felt the need to add this. i hate coming off aggressive when its not my intention #i just talk a lot

[dancingastralwitch]

I hope you're all aware of what's going on in Palestine. If you're not, they lost contact with wifi yesterday night and Israel are bombing hospitals, houses, shelters, and schools, using white phosphorus in real time, which is an internationally-banned weapon.

Palestinians are being annihilated in real time in the dark without access to internet. Israel already cut off water, electricity, food, and most hospitals in Gaza have already shut down. They have a full blown medical crisis, the ministry of education announced that the 2023-24 school year was cancelled because all the students are DEAD.

Last night, the bombing made the sky ORANGE. You could see Gaza on fire from the Egyptian border.

I'm going to reblog resources where you could find more information, and I'm gonna ask you all to do the same. Please. Palestinians are humans just like the rest of us, and the world wants them gone without question.

Don't let Israel get away with this.

#im not trigger warning and im sure you can understand why #i did not put up any of the images i saw and you SHOULD be disturbed regardless #an entire human race is being slaughtered as we speak #stop posting about your faves and have a bit of heart #palestine #free palestine

[ghostsberry]

do you have a brush tutorial up

pretty please w cherry on top

of course! heres a quick one ive just did, mainly explaining why i use every brush, i dont use a lot of them tbh just the same four

and heres a step by step i did a few months ago where i also talk about brushes"

im not sure if this is what you were refering to, hope these help you :)

#also i hope you can understand my handwriting hahah #if you want the brushes dm me #im not posting them here bc they arent mine so im not so sure about sharing them to a whole lot of people #the texture extravaganza and oil brush 1 i think are from airi pan #the other two not so sure #ive lost track from where each brush is from