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talesofesther · 3 years

Text

Anchor - Part 13

Five Hargreeves x Reader

Masterlist with the other parts

See part one for important notes

A/N: Oh I know you guys have been waiting quite some time for this part, and I'm sorry it took me this long. But I really didn't have much time lately and I haven't been able to focus. But anyway, it's finally here, I truly hope you like it. And I have to say that the next part might take some extra time to be posted too, but don't worry, I won't stop writing ♥. If you wanna be added to the tag list, let me know. ♥

The first rays of sun painted the sky and birds could already be heard from outside. The curtains from the open window flew with the slight breeze that was coming in. The cold air made Five snuggle just a tad closer to the comfortable warmth beside him.

About a minute passed before his sleepy brain realized what just happened. Five tensed even before opening his eyes. The boy took in the feeling of an arm holding him close, a hand clasped loosely around his own, and soft and steady breathing just beside him.

Five's eyes opened and his heart almost stopped. It took everything in him to not full-on panic right then and there. She was so close. Y/N was laying beside him, their noses just barely touching and she was holding him. Five felt the skin in his hand prickle. What happened last night? He couldn't remember, he knew he definitely didn't fall asleep like this.

The boy felt his breathing become ragged and anxious. He felt lost, scared even. He shouldn't be here. He wanted to, but shouldn't. Five closed his eyes and gulped trying to calm down, he never woke up having someone beside him. He analyzed Y/N's features for a moment, she looked so peaceful, so relaxed... So beautiful.

Five's expression softened, and he gently touched her nose with his. He would gladly wake up to this every morning if he could. He felt guilty for wishing that, but it was inevitable.

With the softest movements he could muster, Five freed himself from her grasp. His chest tightened in protest, telling him to go back to her.

Sitting up on the bed, Five looked at her. Bringing one of his hands up to brush a strand of hair away from her eyes, he lightly caressed her cheek and brought her blanket up to her shoulders to protect her from the cold. Five let out a long sigh as he buried his face in his shaky hands. Feeling a drop of wetness escape his eye.

He wanted to punch himself. For getting so attached to her, for letting his lonely heart fall for her. He tried to deny but it was impossible now. Five curled on himself, bringing his knees to his chest, he was desperate. He told himself he had no right to feel like this towards her, that it was wrong and he didn't even deserve it. And yet the feeling never left. Five's heart was already hers.

If someone told him before that he would fall in love with a girl like this, he would laugh, say it was impossible. But he didn't take into account how damaged he was, how much he needed affection. And when she gave it to him...

Five shook his head and chuckled. He didn't know what was worse. Realizing that he loved her, or the fact that she would never love him back.

Shame and guilt washed over him as Five wiped his eyes and got up from the bed. His chest hurt with every beat of his heart as he looked at Y/N's sleeping form.

______

Y/N's eyes opened not too long after Five left. The girl instantly felt the empty space beside her, stretching her hand on the mattress where Five should be. She cursed herself for being so tired and not hearing him leave.

Sitting up on the bed, she stretched herself and ran a hand through her messy hair. Looking out the window to the rising sun, Y/N assumed it was still kinda early in the morning.

After she went to the bathroom and fixed herself, she made her way to Elliott's kitchen, and could already hear people talking there.

"... We only have one option. It's time to get The Umbrella Academy back together" Five's voice echoed through the kitchen as Y/N reached the room and braced herself on the threshold.

Diego and Luther were sitting at the table, Luther was eating a very large plate of scrambled eggs. Elliot was just beside Y/N and Five was braced in the counter with a coffee mug in his hand. "Morning guys" Y/N's sleepy voice greeted them.

"Hey Y/N" Diego smiled at her.

"You're.." Luther started, pointing an unsure finger at the girl's direction.

"Y/N. Klaus's friend, remember?" The girl smiled at him.

"Right" the big man smiled back and put another spoonful of eggs into his mouth. "Hey, can one of you get Allison please?"

Diego's eyes widened at his brother as he leaned a bit closer. "You two still a thing?"

As the two talked, Y/N walked to the counter to grab herself a cup of coffee as well, which was just behind Five. The girl's eyes regarded him with certain insecurity behind them. Five was tense. For all she knew, he could be mad about what happened last night.

"Morning Five" Y/N gave him a half-smile when she stopped just in front of him.

He didn't meet her eyes, his fingers holding the mug started to go white. Five stepped aside so she could reach the coffee pot. "Y/N" was all he said.

Pouring coffee into her mug, Y/N bit her lip in nervousness. Holding the mug between both her hands, she turned to face Five noticing he was wearing his uniform again. For some reason that brought a tiny smile to her lips, and she reached out a hand to touch his arm, but he took a small step away from her.

Five clenched his jaw and tried not to show any emotions on his face, even if he was feeling a million of them. "I'll get Allison" The boy put his mug down and walked past Y/N like she wasn't even there.

"Can you uh- get Vanya without squeezing her to death?" He stopped and looked at Luther.

The big man gave him a humorless laugh. "I'll try"

Five just nodded and started to walk away.

"Five, I'll go with-" Y/N started, but before she could finish, Five was gone. The girl scoffed and closed her eyes with an annoyed smile on her face.

Diego smirked at Luther upon seeing what happened, but Luther only shot him a confused glare.

______

"I'm not eating that" Y/N whispered to Vanya. Them both, and Luther, were sitting beside each other on Elliott's couch. While Diego sat in an armchair as Elliott excitedly shared the story behind an ambrosia he had just made. But it looked more like some kind of gone wrong slime.

"If we have some will you shut up?" Diego said with a bored voice.

"Maybe" Elliott proceed to put some of his ambrosia in a bowl.

"How are you feeling?" Luther turned to Vanya.

"Pretty shitty to be honest"

"Where would you say you are on a scale from one to... Ending all life on this planet?" Diego stepped in, turning a knife in his hand.

"Diego, stop with the knife, she's fine" Y/N complained.

"Last time I saw her she had me suspended mid-air, sucking the life out of me with energy tentacles" he continued to play with his knife. "I think I'm allowed a little time to process"

"I would like to see an energy tentacle" Elliott said, amazed.

"You wouldn't" Y/N whispered to him.

"I don't remember what I did, but I'm sorry... If that means anything" Vanya sat up straight and said with an honest voice.

"It does" Diego's expression softened all of a sudden. "I'm just going through a lot right now"

Before anyone could say anything else. The front door from downstairs was opened and they all could hear people talking coming in.

A sweet "hello?" Could be heard as Vanya, Diego, and Elliott got up and looked down at the new arrivals.

"Oh, I know this is impossible but... Did we all get sexier?" A shiver ran through Y/N's body as she heard her friend's voice, she got up so fast she almost got dizzy and ran to the railings to look down.

Five, Allison and... Klaus stood downstairs, looking up at them. Y/N could already feel tears welling up in her eyes. "Klaus?" She said almost out of breath.

Klaus's eyes met hers and his expression softened. "Y/N" his hand came up to his mouth and he slowly walked to the stairs.

"Oh my god" the girl said as she ran down the stairs as fast as she could to meet her friend, almost falling down in the process when she slipped in one of the steps.

Y/N threw herself at Klaus and clutched to him like her life depended on it. The tears now falling free from her eyes while she held the fabric of his shirt between her shaky fingers. "I missed you so much" the girl chuckled amongst her tears.

Klaus held her body against his just as tight. One hand on her back and the other holding her head in a comforting manner, he closed his eyes and buried his head on her shoulder. "I missed you too, so goddamn much" he smiled as his own eyes filled with salty wetness.

Five watched his brother and Y/N with curious eyes. Feeling a weird sensation in his chest upon seeing them both so... Close.

All the siblings greeted each other as well and also shared some curious looks, none of them has ever seen Klaus be so sentimental with someone.

Y/N pulled away from her friend but her hands remained on his chest as a means to make sure he wouldn't disappear. "I- I love your hair" the girl said with a big smile, admiring Klaus's new look.

"I love yours too" the man said as he used his thumbs to clean what was left of Y/N's tears and gave her a kiss on the forehead.

Five's breath hitched when he saw that, he felt uncomfortable and had to look away. "Let's get down to business" he said and made his way upstairs.

***

Thank you for reading ♥ the next part should be out soon. And if you have any idea about how this story should progress or anything you would like to see in it, please send me an ask or message and I’d be happy to include it. All opinions and feedback are appreciated ♥

Taglist

@alexander-hamilhoe @noneyeahbusiness @anapocalypseinmymind @yikes-matey @vicfull @flowertoty @shlokage @flaminghotcheetoos @moneyyhoneyyy @n1ghtsh4d3-67 @nappinggecko @megasimpleplan4ever @peterbeans @greeknerd007 @my-things-things @malfovs @sweetjellytine @soft-slytherin-sweetie @marylimlp @lunna-does-real-doodle @sauberwisch96 @weepingplaidhoundpanda @tired-of-this-shit @moatsnow @yourbloodyqueen

#five hargreeves #five x reader #the umbrella academy #tua #five hargreeves x reader #five x you #imagine #fluff #angst #slow burn #number five #number five x reader #anchor #fanfic #my story #five tua #klaus hargreeves #five x y/n #tua x y/n

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stevesnailbat · 4 years

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So I was wondering maybe some angst between Steve Harrington and a sister Reader? Maybe he almost looses her (or she just dies) somehow?

warnings: mentions of violence and blood, sibling angst

word count: 1.2K

She had no idea where she was, but she knew she wasn’t in the right place. It had been four hours since she’d stormed away from Steve and the party, and she’d been wandering in the woods ever since. The only thing keeping her from losing her mind was the comfort she got from holding her nail bat in her hand, the spare one she had stolen from Steve’s trunk.

It was getting hard to see now, the sun had gone down and it was getting colder. She knew where she was going, but didn’t know how long it’d take to get there. The Byers’ house wasn’t far from theirs, she knew that at least.

She was cursing at herself as she went through the woods, wondering why she thought that it’d be the best route to take. She had to push through, though. It was close, she could see a porch light. There was something near her, though. She could feel whatever it was nearing her with every step she took, but she tried to keep going without looking back. The wind was blowing, which moved the branches and the leaves, she told herself.

There was an overwhelming feeling of fear that crept up in her as she got closer, like something bad was going to happen at any moment. She didn’t look back, which probably wasn’t the best idea. She didn’t realize something was on her until she felt all of its teeth cling to the skin of her arm, making her screech in pain.

The white-hot pain coursing through her arm was almost enough for her to pass out on the spot, but she persevered. She caught a glimpse of the demodog on her arm as she swung at it with the bat, the tears blurring her vision making it hard for her to aim properly. The bat definitely hit her arm too, but there wasn’t much she could do about it in the moment. After getting the demodog off her arm, she was able to get a good enough swing in to knock it cold for a moment. She knew there was more of the monsters to come if she didn’t run.

So, she made a dead sprint towards the porch light, despite the pain she was feeling from the loss of blood in her arm. She nearly face planted on the stairs twice on her way up, but made it to the top eventually. The frantic knocking on the door startled everyone in the house, but Steve recognized the sobbing almost instantly.

“Okay, okay, c’mon, get inside.” Steve said in a panicked voice, reaching to bring her inside but she pulled away immediately.

“I can walk, Steve.” she snapped, walking towards the kitchen table to sit down. “Don’t act like you care about me now.”

The party looked at Steve to see his dumbfounded expression, which quickly turned to guilt. Max ran over to Y/N with a wet towel and cloth to wrap her arm with. She smiled at the redhead as she started to wipe up some of the blood, but took the towel from her to do it herself.

“What the hell happened?” Steve asked as he watched her peel her blood-covered sweatshirt off to have access to the wound.

“I almost died, okay? You didn’t want your stupid sister dragging you down, so I left.” she said, rolling her eyes at him. “I tried to go home and then decided to come back, but those damn demodogs, or whatever they are, they’re out there now.”

“Hey guys, uh—can we talk for a sec?” he asked the kids and they nodded quickly. “Just me and her, like, alone.”

The four kids left the kitchen for their privacy, but Y/N didn’t seem like she wanted to talk. The glare she was giving her brother seemed like enough to kill in the moment.

“Don’t even try to apologize to me right now.” she said, standing from her chair shakily to grab a glass of water.

“Woah, hey! You need to sit back down. I don’t want you passing out now.” Steve said while grabbing for her as she nearly fainted when standing. “What are you trying to get?”

“Water. And pain medicine if you can find some.” she replied with narrowed eyes.

“Okay, stay there and I’ll get them.” he said, beginning to rummage through the cabinets.

“You let me go out there by myself, you—you let me leave.” she whimpered, finally feeling her emotions break through as she shed tears of anger and pain.

He stopped looking for a glass when he heard her sniffle behind him. When he turned around, she had a fearful and helpless expression on her face. As much as they fought and acted like they hated each other, they were still siblings and they still loved each other deep down. He immediately felt guilty after seeing her tears, knowing that him being an asshole definitely caused some of the damage.

“You just left, what was I supposed to do? I didn’t want to stop you if you thought you’d be safer at home!” he replied, trying not to be too harsh with his words as he stared at the cabinet in front of him.

“You could’ve told me that I’d possibly die out there alone.” she snapped, wiping her tears away.

“Yeah, I could’ve. But you wouldn’t listen because you never do. You like putting yourself in danger, right?” Steve asked bitterly while handing her a water and ibuprofen.

“Not really, but sometimes dangerous situations are better than being around you when you’re being an ass.” she noted, taking the medicine quickly.

“Look, Y/N. I know that I’m a really shitty brother sometimes—well, a lot of the time—but, I’m trying. I’m trying to keep you safe, okay?” he said as he sat in the chair next to her. “Honestly, you’re all I’ve got right now in our family, so I can’t afford to lose you. You may hate me sometimes but you’re kinda my rock and I need you here.”

“Yeah, I—I guess I can’t afford to lose you, either.” she said, rolling her eyes at her brother.

“Do you promise not to do anymore stupid shit until you’re healed?” he asked.

“I think this night is gonna be full of doing stupid shit, Steve.” she remarked and he narrowed his eyes in annoyance. “Okay, okay. I promise I won’t do anything stupid.”

“Good, now let’s get this nasty cut covered up before you bleed out or get an infection.” he said with a smile, ruffling her hair. “This is gonna give you a pretty badass scar, y’know.”

“There’s a pretty badass story behind it too, y’know.” she laughed while letting him finally clean her arm up.

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urlocalbunny · 4 years

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.collaring - aaron.

i came back from the shadows with another shitty smut, hohoho.

warnings: if you don’t like some verse energy don’t touch it lol there’s no dominant part bc they’re fighting.

1.626 words. enjoy!

THERE WILL BE SOME NOTES IN THE NEXT ONE.

Eloise was in front of a pet shop's register, looking at an older man that could be her grandpa. He had a cute smile on his face.

"Sir, how much does this one cost?" She asked shyly with it in hands. "I want to use my credit card."

He held the product and showed the tag to her. "Is this okay with you, miss?" She nodded. "You must have a big dog. Are you sure you can walk with it? You seem young," he said innocently.

"Ah, yes, it is one big... Dog, indeed. But don't worry, I can do this!" She looked at the black leather spiked collar, the leash that came with it hanging on the shelf. She used the card, and he packed the items, bidding her a cute farewell.

The girl was red and full of guilt, but her feet still rushed home before it was night. On her way, she felt like she was sitting in the parlor, but soon was as if she left in a hurry. Aaron was probably rushing to meet her at the door. The girl winced. As soon as she entered the manor, she heard the quick and heavy steps coming in her direction.

"Where were you?" He asked curiously. "Kinda startled me when I felt you running home like you're mad and feeling extremely guilty." Aaron towered over her, a pleased smile on his pretty face. He was happy to see her. But she knew he was also trying to look at what she was hiding behind her back. "You won't even let me look? You truly are acting weird since last week..."

"No!" She laughed nervously.

He frowned. "What's happening to you?"

"It's Nothing," she squealed. "Why are you acting weird?"

"I'm happy to see you and also curious, is that bad? I'm not going to ask too much since you don't seem to want to talk, though," He held her waist, kissing her lips softly as a 'welcome back' gift. "Did you have a good time?" She nodded and pulled away after a long time, stepping on the stairs, one step at a time, trying to take the damn collar up. "Where are you going?" He asked, suspicious of her.

"To the bathroom. I'm, um, practically peeing on myself!" When she turned around, being careful of the pet shop bag, she saw a horrified Vladimir on the steps.

"Don't stay there looking at me!" He pointed to the hall as if she was going to pee on the floor. She ran for it, locking herself in her room instead.

Eloise sighed in relief, pulling the collar out. Now, it was just a matter of thinking. Would he be offended? How would she dress, how would he react, how would she ask? She hoped he would like it. She grabbed her bathrobe and walked to the bathroom.

The chalice knew that it was not a good idea to take a long bath, but she took it nonetheless.

She finished moisturizing when she felt him wandering around the door. She yelped, covering herself in the bathrobe and running to her room. There was nothing, but the uneasy feeling of not feeling Aaron anywhere made her suspicious. She locked herself in and sat down, looking for the collar and the leash. Finding both where she left them, she finally relaxed, sitting on the bed with her back to the door.

All of a sudden, however, someone rested their chin on her shoulder. It was him.

"So, that's what you were hiding, my beloved?" He looked smug. "A collar?"

"Hey... Aaron. How did you hide from me?" She was now lying on the bed as she got scared for a second. He crawled like a wolf would walk towards his prey, and his hips swung. He tried to cage her like he usually did before he pounced.

"You were so nervous that you didn't even realize I was here." Aaron shrugged. "Who's the pet, my beloved?" He asked, "Is it... Me?" His hand grabbed the collar. "It suits me." He seemed to be having fun with the teasing, but he was also blushing. "Were you trying to find a way to ask me to be your pet?" He said, giving the collar back to her.

"U-uh, yeah, I wanted you to let me put this on you..." She squeaked. "But if you don't want to, it's okay. I don't mean to make you feel bad. You know that, right?" When she lifted her head, he was looking at her as if in a trance. He lowered his head after a good while of intense eye contact.

Eloise slipped the collar on and kissed his head lovingly. He rested his cheek on her chest and nuzzled on her, waiting for her to fix the chain. When she pulled, he more than willingly followed, biting her neck, earning a moan from her.

"Are you going to try to tame me, or am I going to have fun as it is?" By how she opened her legs as much as she could to show him her dripping core and untied the knot in the robe, showing him her boobs, he knew it was all his for as long as he wanted. The thought made a growl rip through his throat. He went for her lips, kissing them passionately, feeling the way her hands clung to the chain and pulled every time he gasped for air. As much as he wanted to have his way, he was going to push her around a little.

"Fuck me, just- skip the foreplay." She whined. He pretended not to listen and lowered his head, ignoring the pulls on the leash. He wanted to see how far she would go without acting like an animal herself. He pulled the robe off, sucking a nipple in and squeezing her other boob. At this point, she already realized what he was trying to do.

His hands gripped her ass, stopping her from pulling his shirt off. She groaned, punching his chest lightly. He went for her other boob, this time, sliding a finger on her slit, collecting a bit of what she had to offer. It was almost too tentative, but he kept going.

"Listen here, you little tease." He smiled, looking at her with, ironically, puppy eyes.

"Don't be mean to me." He said, smiling a stupid little grin she was going to wipe out of his face for sure. Eloise pulled on the chain, crashing her lips against his once more. Her tongue tasted a little bit like iron. He knew the bite she gave him drew blood. She rushed for his shirt, pulling it and tossing it to the side.

This fight went on for several minutes after Aaron was bare, but Eloise wouldn't lose now that he was with the leash on. Their kisses weren't enough, and soon he had two fingers buried inside of her, curling and twisting just the right way. She squeezed his wrist with her hand, trying to make him pump faster, a little quicker than that. But he wouldn't budge. She was getting angry, and if she knew of one thing is that if you're unsatisfied with something, you do whatever it is yourself.

She pushed him to the side roughly, making him beam and show his white fangs. She let out a breathy laugh, straddling him and gripping his length with a firm hand. He sucked a breath in as she pumped him slowly. "That's it... Good, good boy." He growled at that. He was a wolf, not a puppy. That was a warning. She giggled. "You're so cute." He was about to protest, but it turned into a loud moan and unconscious thrusting when Eloise guided him inside her until there was nothing out.

"My, my, you are quiet, puppy. What happened?" Her hips rocked back and forth, and as much as she wanted to keep the strong facade, his dick was too much. She started losing herself just as much as him as soon as she got what she wanted. For a long while, the only sounds they'd make were harsh thrusts, breaths, and the sudden pull of his leash when Eloise felt herself clenching around him too dangerously.

"Stop fucking edging yourself on my cock." He growled, flipping her and speeding up. Her hands pulled on his hair instead of the leash, earning an approving hiss from him "my beloved, I'm telling you..."

"You're so full of warnings, aren't you?" She teased, making him pull her legs to rest on top of his shoulders. His nails scratched her ass when he gripped so tight, and she didn't waste any time in biting his neck. He whined. At this point, her headboard was snapping against the wall. Their moans were too needy, their sex too good to stop. Her first orgasm washed over, making her legs tremble on his shoulders. He looked at her like he was winning.

"God, I don't give a fuck, just- more, more!" He looked smug even when her hands pulled roughly on the leash for a kiss that he would keep as one of his favorites. Her hips moved so nicely under him that his vision was getting blurry.

"Hm, gonna cum, gonna cum." He whined.

"Me too." She squeaked, arching her back prettily for him. Aaron couldn't resist the urge to cum inside her, so that's just what he did.

He kept himself buried to the hilt, a deep groan slipping through his gritted teeth.

The sweethearts laughed when they looked into each other's eyes, feeling their heartbeats speed up again, basking in the high and kissing each other's cheeks and hands as the daylight rose behind the curtains.

#moonlight lovers headcanons #moonlight lovers #moonlight lovers fanfiction #moonlight lovers smut #moonlight lovers aaron #ml aaron #aaron smut #kinktober 2020 #collaring #bunny's writing #aaron x eloise #nsfwbunny

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locoslowpoke · 4 years

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My opinion on why people like and are more forgiving of the other diamonds compared to Pink Diamond/Rose Quartz

Here goes my stupid take and opinion on why some people attack and hate on Pink Diamond/ Rose Quartz compared to the other Diamonds. I’ll first start with Pink Diamond first. KEEP IN MIND, this is not a full out attack on Pink Diamond. I personally have a love hate relationship with her character and have deadass written a 3 part essay on the bad and the good things she has done, analyzing them to the best of my ability and why she is morally. Now lets begin on Pink.

One of the most obvious reasons as to why some people have taken to hating on Pink Diamond is because of the reveal that it turns out all along, she was Rose Quartz. Keep in mind, throughout the show, Rose Quartz was built up as this humble, selfless, and kind gem who was willing to fight to the death not only for the lives of humans, but for the freedom of her fellow gems. Rose was shown to have some shady little secrets, but overall we mostly believed that she could do no wrong and that if she had done some mistakes, if we considered her situation, that those mistakes would be justified. Then it all came crashing down when it turned out our hero had originally been a villain with a shit ton of skeletons in their closet.

This reveal right here is what caused a lot of people to turn back on her and start hating her. I know that we are seeing Rose/ Pink’s development in reverse, but with seeing it in reverse, that ruins the impression we initially had of her. It’s like finding out your role model who you think could do no wrong, has actually done a lot of shitty things in his past. It totally changes how we view Rose as a whole. Before the reveal, she was a hero who had secrets and made honest mistakes, but after the reveal, she was a liar. Someone who was so willing to hide her past mistakes and identity in order to start fresh, that she swore to silence the only person who really knew who she. And that’s mostly why people in this fandom hate her. They hate her because she lied. She lied about her past and who she was to be accepted by everyone and leave her old life behind and forget it. And this is where people get a little hypocritical. Who hasn’t once told a lie in order to be seen as cool or to be accepted, not wanting the people they meet to know who they truly are? KEEP IN MIND, I AM NOT TRYING TO DEFEND HER MISTAKES OR FORGET AND FORGIVE THEM, I HATE THAT. I AM JUST TRYING TO SEE THE REASONING AS TO WHY SHE MADE SAID MISTAKES. But this right here is her biggest fault, the lie that she was a selfless and kind hero from the beginning, when in reality, she was much more complex than that. I believe it’s the fact that she lied is what ruined her character for some people. In the end, it all boils down to the impression we had of her. We all thought she was a good person from the start, with the stories we heard from all the other gems, when in reality, she worked double time to change her ways and become the hero we know as Rose Quartz. I’m not saying we should forgive and forget her actions, just like how we shouldn’t flat out forgive and forget the other diamonds actions, but at least try to keep in mind, that she honestly thought the actions she made were because those actions were the only option.

Now onto why I think for the most part, people are more willing to forgive and forget the other diamond’s actions. Lets start with the impression we had of the diamond’s before they were revealed. Yellow and Blue were both portrayed to be heartless, not caring about the lives of others as long as it didn’t affect them. When we are first introduced to Yellow, we see for the most part she is what the gems say about her. A calculating warlord who will do whatever it takes to get what she wants. But as the series progresses, we see that there’s more to her. She’s still cynical and blunt, but we see that even though she chastises Blue to stop grieving over Pink, that deep down inside, she misses her too but she pushes those feelings down. Yellow even expresses guilt over Pink’s death, believing that she in some way was responsible because she let Pink have a colony when she wasn’t ready. Blue is similar in this way too. Before we are introduced to her, Garnet said that Blue is a shatterer and will shatter any gem for the smallest of mistakes. This gave off the impression that she is cruel and unforgiving in her nature. But when we are introduced to her, we practically see a shell of the formidable and unforgiving tyrant we were led to believe she was. Instead, we see a grieving and crying gem who still misses Pink and also feels guilty for her demise, so much so, that she practically dedicates all her time either crying for her or preserving her memory and legacy. Even with White, basically the worst of the diamonds, we are shown that the reasoning behind her actions are because she honestly believes that her way is the right way, that they are suppose to suppress their feelings and emotions as she believes that feelings make her weak, when she’s suppose to be perfect. All these insights and reasons basically makes our villains a little sympathetic, which in reality, are all the villains on this show. Except Kevin. That’s why we are more forgiving and understanding of them. I feel a good example of this would be like Catra. We all know Catra has done a shit ton of bad things, but when we take in consideration her past and her reasons behind her actions, we might let it slide a little bit. ONCE AGAIN, I AM NOT TRYING TO SAY THAT WE SHOULD FORGIVE AND FORGET THE DIAMONDS’S ACTIONS, ESPECIALLY SINCE THEY WERE LITERALLY DICTATORS, BUT JUST LIKE PINK/ROSE, WE CAN TRY TO AT LEAST APPRECIATE THE CHANGES THEY’VE MADE TO BE BETTER. As we all saw in the Homeworld Bound episode, the diamonds’ have made great strides in order to better themselves and change their ways. Yellow now tries to fix the gems she has shattered and experimented on, Blue is finding ways to give gems happiness instead of shattering them or making them feel sad. And even White channels other gems to better understand their feelings and what they are going through. We are seeing their character development happen in the right way, rather than backwards like Pink. This in turn makes them more likeable as we see them actively make efforts to change their ways from bad to good, compared to seeing Pink’s development from good to somewhat bad.

It all boils down to the first impressions we had of these characters before we actually got to really know them and see the ways that they had changed. Rose was suppose to be our hero who could do no wrong and the diamonds were supposed to be evil, heartless, and cruel tyrants. Those statements are still in a way true though. The diamonds WERE evil, basically heartless, and cruel till they changed, and Rose WAS the hero, but before that, she was kinda the villain. Just as always, the true message about this show is about change and the ability to change. Whether we see it in reverse or forward, change still happens. Sometimes it seems, we as a fandom seem to forget it.

Welp, that’s my take and opinion on this topic. Please don’t just blindly attack me as I have experienced in the past for my opinion and just kindly write a comment as to why you might disagree or what I got wrong or send me a DM. I’m pretty open to other ideas and am willing to listen. Thanks for reading!

#steven universe #steven universe future #su #suf #pink diamond #rose quartz #yellow diamond #blue diamond #white diamond #the diamonds #the diamond authority #su critical #su tag #garnet #pearl #the crystal gems #steven quartz universe

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evohealed · 5 years

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◀ REX’S CARING COMPLEX ▶

Watching through Generator Rex with @evodeal last night and I’ve noticed that Rex seems to have a sort of complex with Caring but never caring about himself, and I have a LOT of thoughts on it... so thank you @heartcheeks & @briilliance for enabling me to post this. I’ll refine it more later bc it’s adhd rambles right now, so it’s a bit messy, buuut... basically his complex with caring is like this;

Rex knows that nobody cares at providence for him. Of course, minus six, holiday, and bobo. rex also knows that nobody in providence ever likes him or cares about him without a motive. in fact, people have been doing that ever since he became the nanite king tbh. and from what he's learned about his past, i think it like. fucks him up in some ways with trusting people. because sure, he really craves people caring about him -- he craves having family, he just wants friends and he'd do anything for their approval and trying to befriend them ( thanks party episode for proving my hc b4 i even knew about u) but when it boils down to it, rex has to trick himself into believing that others care. even if he knows it's not true and the only reason he's even still alive is because white knight sd he was the cure, people are alwasy still trying to murder him for just existing all the time. ESPECIALLY white knight.

He's in huge DENIAL that Providence doesn’t care, and that most people hate him for just being an EVO -- something he can’t really help -- to the point of attempting murder on him. Constantly. which is why i think he's so.. forgiving with wk. but wk has traumatized rex a LOT. they made his life so as little people cared about him as possible on PURPOSE, so he's really, really bad with making friends. because providence over controls EVERY aspect of his life, and are super shitty to him. and i've ranted off about how they treat him like a weapon and make him think it's ok to hurt himself the way he does, but that's for another time.. which is also why i do think that, despite being friends, until rex and noah talk about it there's always going something telling him in the back of his head that noah doesn't really care.

As much as he WANTS to believe others care about him, it's absolutely INCREDIBLY HARD for him to comprehend sb wanting to know him or care for him without an ulterior motive.for pete's sake, even if holiday and six and bobo care for him, they still had a motive to care originally. they probably wouldn't have even cared for him if he didn't have the healing ability they could exploit. he's still a teen, he still wants people to care, but he can never really tell when someone DOES care. i think that the deeprooted belief that nobody is caring about him without a selfish reason also plays a big role into brushing off worry and throwing himself into VERY reckless and life threatening situations and seeing how his friendship with noah started out... well he tries to bury that feeling, but it's never going to go away UNLESS he talks. i think he probably feels really guilty about it but it's kinda hard to just get over someone only knowing you because they wanted to use you, be it for their own purpose or working for sb else. he does genuinely care about noah and loves being his friend, but it's going to be.. very very hard to get through how much you actually care about him, simply because of how he's been treated to think and what he's had to go through.

so yes, guilt eats away at rex over it but he tries to bottle aaalllllllll this up and never let it bubble to the surface ever, right along with the rest of his emotions. gotta never show weaknesses! :^) what hurts my heart is how hard he tries to make friends, but everyone thinks he's just a freak. dear god i wanted to cry when they kept calling him that,but what's worse is realizing that a majority of the world and people out there think of him like this too I Wanted To Cry For My Baby Boy while watching that ep and sure maybe i'm being dramatic but .. he was TRYING SO HARD!!! he was so genuinely excited to try and make friends even if they're a bunch of jerks and didn't care for them and all he got was treated the same as providence soldiers treated him

nobody gave a fuck about him unless they were using him to get their way and to manipulate him, and he's so desperate for people to care about him that he caves and lets them do what they want or he straight up just. gets manipulated he's pretty easy to manipulate despite being a master of manipulation himself but it's not like he had a choice in being manipulative when he had THAT talent ingrained in him by quarry. he's just ... so lonely man, it makes me big sad and he's always in denial that people don't like him, and sure he said "well i know i'm awesome!" but did he even really mean it? yes, he's cocky, but that quote came from the very episode where he had to deal with an entire town's worth of people trying to kill him and he said that to the dude who kept reiterating how useless he was and that he was just providence's stupid tool does he really know that or is he telling himself that to try and keep himself from drowning in the fact that he doesn't know what the fuck he's doing half the time, distracting him from the fact that nobody cares about him and everyone thinks he's some freak that providence just uses like a trophy dude whatever???

because he sure was hellbent on trying to prove he did mean something and that he was worth liking and caring about in that episode and it left him getting PRETTY fucked up because it threw him so off his game and when nobody ended up caring he just went "haha i know im cool!" but im just ... if you knew you were cool and you're okay with people not caring about you... why care and why bother to try and sway public opinion? or more like. one dude's opinion mostly.why go through all this trouble? if you DON'T have that complex, then why get so bent out of shape when you're forced to face the facts that sb you DON'T EVEN KNOW doesn't care about you?? the ep where the dude was doing propaganda against him -- whether it was willful or not, he was absolutely ignorant to the fact that everyone hated him ( though something tells me it might be willfully ignoring that ) til everyone kept telling him to scram which is when he started getting SERIOUSLY super upset. boy's tricking himself into thinking other ppl care even if they explicitly don’t.

It might ALSO play into how he can never pick up when people genuinely like him or care about him in canon. I.E. The complex explaining shit like... the double date episodes -- the haunted house one in particular. It was PAINFULLY clear the girls preferred Rex over Noah in everything they did, which upset Noah -- and yet, Rex never noticed for a single second. Even when Noah called him out on it, he didn’t fully realize it til Noah explained the situation to him and he deadass just goes. "NNO WAY THEY DON'T ACTUALLY LIKE ME THAT MUCH DO THEY???" lookin like the YOU WHAT meme ( from spongebob ). N NOAH HAD TO BE LIKE "UH DUDE ARE YOU BLIND ????" Someone? Caring about / Liking Rex?????? It's more likely than you think

Like, yeah.. sure he can be a total sleazy flirt at times, and he can be pretty manipulative if the situation calls for it, but there's also the matter of how Rex responds to any genuine care or interest in him. He tries to come off as this big macho cool hero, but he’s really just a dork maladjusted to any kind of affection or genuine care. It’s why he can barely function or why he’s always surprised if you hug him back, why he’s so hands on -- he is also touch starved so he’s always super hands on, but that’s another rant for another day. It’s why he can barely function if you give him a kiss or any kind of affection -- like for example, almost every single kiss ( few as they may be ) that he gets or instances of ppl saying they care about him, he makes THIS face and kind of just stares into the distance.

tl;dr?

rex: haha please care about me rex: rex, internally: but you can never really care about me without a motive. don't pretend like you don't have one.

#◀ Well my heart is gold and my hands are cold ▶ ( character study )#IT'S YOUR FOOD LADS...#do not rb

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supernaturalmistress · 6 years

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Lost Soul Series_Pt 1.- Found

Summary: You went missing for four years under Sam and Dean’s watch. Once they get a surprising call from a friend saying that you’re in Kansas, they find you, take you under their wing, but something seems off about you. Like something is missing, and once Dean believes he should confess his love to you, he finds out just what you lost, your soul. His only mission is to retrieve your soul from Crowley and all the while wanting to tell you just how he feels…but knowing he can’t.

Pairings: Dean x Reader, Sam x Reader (barely)

Future Warnings: SMUT, Fluff, hella angst, heartbreak (but will be fixed, I swear)

Word Count: 1,611 words (chapters will get longer as we get into it)

Author’s notes: I kinda just came up with this series idea, and since I only write once in a blue moon I figured why not go out? My b-day is in like 4 days so its kinda a gift to me!(conceited much ikr) but yeah, pls leave feedback, if you have any ideas pls send them in cuz I like need more ideas lmao. Love y’all so much, I’ll be writing this series every two days (so each chapter will come out one day then I’ll have a day to write and edit then I’ll post between 9 and 10 P.M.) so yeah thank you so much. Please ask for anything you need. Tags are open!!! (btw I’ll be posting a masterlist later on tonight). Enjoy!

ring ring.

Dean’s POV

I answered the phone only to be greeted by Jasper’s gruff voice. He had news that I couldn’t believe until he gave me his word that it was true.

Jasper, are you sure?

Yeah man. I just got the call from one of my most trusted, she’s in Kansas, Dean. Near Lebanon. Said she was staying at the White Palm. Room 17.

My heart sunk in my chest at the thought of how in the hell she got back. We thought we’d lost her all those years ago.

Four years ago

It’d had been a hard week. Alpha vamp, killing off innocents in New York, no way in hell we could capture him. We’d gotten him to come to terms to stop killing, but he only wanted one thing, J.J. I couldn’t just give her up that easily, she was the love of my life and I sure as hell wasn’t using her as bait, but she insisted and pleaded that she would keep safe as long as we caught the son of a bitch. But like always, we were dumb and stupid enough to actually think we could get him on our own, leading to her getting captured. Ever since that day, I’ve been missing her, wondering and hoping she would come back to me.

Present

“All this time we thought she’s been being tortured, or worse. Now that I know she’s alive, I ain’t ever letting her go” I said to myself as I gripped the steering wheel tight on Baby. I pushed the gas hard, trying to get there as quick as I could before you were gone, knowing I couldn’t waste another minute away from you.

I’ve missed you as long as i could imagine and every since that day I’ve felt guilty for what happened. Now, it was the time to set things straight once and for all.

We arrived at the White Palm, my hands filled with sweat as we walked to Room 17. I was shaking because I had no idea what to do when I saw you. Didn’t know if I should hug you, apologize for all the shit we put you through, or hell I even thought about kissing you.

Sam looked at me with reassurance while knocking. Whatever happened, we both knew you were still our J.J. and you meant the world to us, to me.

The door opened swiftly as a well built, tall, shirtless black haired man stood in the doorway. I looked him up and down.

“Yeah?” he asked with a deep voice.

Sam and I looked at each other, and I was having doubts you were actually here.

Sam asked “Um, we’re looking for J.J., is she here?”

“Sorry bro, no one here by that name.”

My face fell but as soon as I heard movement inside I looked behind him only to see your beautiful figure moving to pack some clothes.

“J.J.?”

You turned and as soon as we locked eyes, a smile grew on my face and a smirk on yours.

“Well, I’ll be damned. Sam and Dean Winchester. Been awhile since I’ve seen them pretty faces.” your smooth voice ran through me as your beautiful Y/E/C burned throughout me. Just then every shitty thing in my life gone to dust, fixed by your lovely face.

Your POV

You were shocked at the fact they actually found you, thought they’d left you behind in their memories long ago.

“Well uh,” you said as you started to give the black haired man his belongings, pushing him towards the door, “Thanks uh Jacob for, last night. It was fun.” Poor thing seemed confused and corrected you,

“Jason.”

“Right, well Jason, bye,” you said as you closed the door in his face. Sam and Dean looked very surprised at this new version of you, for one night stands used to be a big no-no for you.

“Little harsh there, don’t you think J.J.?” Sam asked with a laugh.

You chuckled.

“Well boys, it’s good to see you too.” You hugged them. They took awhile to hug you back before looking at your face. Dean carried out the hug a little longer.

“So, no call, no text, no smoke signals, no nothing?” Dean asked, getting serious.

“Sorry, I’ve just been busy with things. Hunting.”

“Yeah well, I figured as close as we are, you’d check up. Thought we were family. Figured if you came back, we’d be the first people you’d call.”

You scoffed. “Right mom, sorry I didn’t call you to check in, last time I checked I was an adult who makes her own decisions.”

They both asked the same question in their mind: What in the hell had happened to you? Cause this sure as hell wasn’t you.

Sam tried to quickly change the subject, for he could already feel the tension rising between you two.

“So J.J.--”

“Y/N/N.”

“Hmm?”

“I just go by Y/N/N now, haven’t been called J.J. in years.”

Just then it hit Sam the crossed Dean. Years? What’d you mean by years?

“Wait, wait. Years? Y/N/N, how long have you been out ever since…” Sam began to ask.

“After the incident, things happened and let’s just say I got lucky.”

Dean got heated and began to get impatient.

“Answer the question J.J. How long have you been out?”

You sighed, looked at the ceiling in annoyance, trying to calculate exactly, “Umm, about four-ish years? Yeah, I’d say four.”

They both looked at each other with disappointment and disbelief.

“You’ve been here all this time and never even called to let us know you were ok, or alive at least?!” Dean had finally snapped. He thought he’d lost you all those years ago, all the while you’ve been running around the country going on hunts, sleeping in cheap motels and having shitty one night stands. The love of his life, alive, this entire time.

“Oh calm your tits grandma, I’m sorry that as soon as I got out I didn’t want to call the only to people who I completely trusted only to get me kidnapped, tortured, sliced and diced each and every way,” you said, finally tired of their bullshit.

They once again looked at each other, faces and minds full of guilt. You were right. It was their fault you were taken and they had no room to argue. Dean couldn’t bear the thought of what you went through so all he did was move swiftly across the room and hugged you. He kissed the temple of your forehead and whispered ‘sorry’ one too many times.

“Ok Mother Theresa, it’s all good, I forgive you, both of you.” You gave them a small smile which was all they needed.

Sam was more than curious to find out how in the hell you escaped an alpha vamps nest.

“So, J--Y/N/N, I have only one question...how in the world did you escape and alpha?” Sam asked with caution.

There was a long pause until a deep British voice interrupted your conversation.

“Why me of course moose, that poor girl wouldn’t have stood a chance against those blood-sucking parasites.”

Dean jumped from the bed and raised his gun to Crowley.

“Oh calm down squirrel, I was just coming to check up on the girl,” he said as he helped himself to the mini bar in your motel room.

“What do you want you son of a bitch?!” Dean asked.

“Oh, darling I see you haven’t filled them in on our little dilemma. You want to tell them or should I?”

You looked at the boys then Crowley.

“Dean, please,” you asked officially annoyed.

“Not until someone explains what this snot-nosed asshole is doing here!” Dean yelled.

“Oh squirrel, always putting violence before knowledge. Might wanna let your girl explain herself and put that thing down before you hurt somebody.” Dean hesitated before looking to you for reassurance and you nodded to him. He put the gun down, while he and Sam waited for you to begin.

Dean began “J.J., please don’t tell me you made a deal with this shithead?!” Dean snapped.

“Hurtful.”

“J, what the hell is going on?” Sam asked after a moment of silence.

“Ok, yes Crowley did save me and yes it came at a price but I know more than to make a deal with a demon--”

Dean interrupted you while crossing his arms, “Ok well please explain what this “price” is, please.”

“Well, that’s my cue.” and with a snap, Crowley was gone and left you to explain the rest.

You sighed knowing your ass is toast after this, which is why you never called them in the first place, because if they knew they would lose their shit. You began to pack up for leave while you told the story.

“Ok, well after about three months with the vamps, some would come and go, feed then leave. Some would come to taunt, cut, bleed, or do whatever to me and I was just about on the brink of death...before Crowley had somehow found me and told me he could free me, heal me and help me, for something that I had--that he needed,”

You looked behind you to see the boys worried about what you were going to say.

“--he said it was something that was special, innocent, and pure. Something he could use to get himself off the ground in hell and could use to get around and get himself back where he needs to be.”

“And what exactly was it he needed--oh excuse me, what he got from you?” Dean asked.

You sighed, with a shrug of your shoulders.

“My soul.”

Tags for this series are open, just ask ;-)

#spn #supernatural #lost soul series #dean x reader #sam x reader #spn series #smut #fluff

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laffayettereincarnated · 7 years

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shortish boyf riends fic

been ages since I wrote whoops

enjoy a short and crappy and maybe cute boyf riends fic about Jer being jealous and the squip being shitty and Michael being a literal sweetheart

you can also read on AO3

http://archiveofourown.org/works/11867328

Jeremy walked into their shared College dorm room, and was greeted with a sight he never thought he’d see; Michael, out of his customary red sweater, looking smart. Not ‘these jeans don’t have-holes-in-them-smart mentality that Michael usually adopted. Smart.

He was faced slightly turned away from Jeremy, adjusting his hair in the mirror. He had his hair slicked back more so than usual, and was wearing an ironed button shirt and smart, skinny jeans. Really skinny jeans. That really suited him. That really…

“Jeremy!” Jolted from his thoughts, Jeremy looked up to see Michael with a flustered expression and shit he was wearing contacts Jeremy couldn’t handle his cuteness when he was like that.

“uuh,” Jeremy stuttered out, trying as hard as he could to not stutter like a total idiot. “you look…”

“I know I probably look stupid, right?” Michael admitted, chuckling nervously as he scratched the back of his neck. No, Jeremy thought. No, you look fucking hot.

“no no, you look,” Jeremey tried to think of the nicest compliment he could drop without revealing how flustered Michael was making him. “Real, like dapper? And smart. But not like too smart! Just uh, enough uh….” Jeremy’s thought process was trailing off as his eyes started to trace the curve of Michael’s hips, and…” uh, where are you going? Exactly? I’m not meant to come, right? Cos, I know I don’t have anything like that and…”

Michael chuckled, not helping Jeremy’s situation in the slightest. “No dude, not unless you wanna 5th wheel, or something.”

Jeremy’s heart stopped.

“huh?

“oh yeah!” Michael said, smiling bashfully, a slight flush tracing his cheeks. “Rich and Jake were moaning at me for complaining about being single, so they uh, set me up? With a guy they know. They said they’d turn up so he couldn’t like, I dunno. Become all weird, I…”

Michael was speaking, but Jeremy couldn’t hear anything over the roaring in his ears. Michael. On a date. Michael was going on a date. And just like that the squib’s voce was there in his head, suddenly louder that his own thoughts, smirk evident in its tone “you waited too long Jeremy. I told you, his little high school crush wouldn’t stay around for you to…”

“Jer? You okay there buddy?”

Jeremy looked up, his heart thumping painfully in his chest. Michael looked so nice, with his hair all smart and his glasses no longer obscuring the little mole just below his right eye, and…

“yeah of course.” Jeremy chuckled shakily. “um, just why didn’t they set me up too? I mean, I’m also single. And I complain loads…”

Michael looked up at that. “oh, well I guess that since you and Christine broke up kinda recently, I don’t know.” He looked kinda guilty, glancing to the side just a little.

Jeremey could feel the jealousy that was surging in his gut, because Michael looked so nice, and it was for some jackass who didn’t know Michael. “yeah, well me and Christine weren’t really going out. You know that.” It came out harsher than he expected, the hurt making his words sharper than he intended.

Michael held up his hands in mock surrender. “okay dude. I know. Rich and Jake don’t I guess.” Michael raised his eyebrows and Jeremy could feel the mockery, hear the squip in his head saying, “you’re making a scene Jeremy. Change the subject.”

Jeremy breathed out shakily, trying to release the tension in his chest.

“Well…what’s he like? The guy you’re…” Jeremy could feel his mouth restrict around the words, his stomach tying in knots.

“oh, I don’t,” Michael looked nervously to the side, a slight smile gracing his lips. Stop thinking about how kissable they are. Stop it. “I don’t really know him. I know he’s on the football team,” Michael said with a chuckle.

Jeremy felt so bitter. “You have no right,” began the squip, and with all the thoughts swirling in his head it was hard to drown it out.

“you okay?” Jeremy must have stayed quiet for too long; Michael was looking at him quizzically.

“yeah,” Jeremy replied, “I just,”

“Jeremy don’t be pathetic.” The squip snarled in warning.

“shouldn’t you know a little bit more about him before you go?”

Michael’s smile froze. “huh?”

“I mean,” Jeremy knew he should stop. “What if he turns to be, I don’t know, a bad guy or something.”

Michael’s eyes narrowed. “Dude, that’s a little unfair. Besides, like I said, Rich and Jake are coming too, to keep tabs…”

“But what he stays nice until they like leave and he’s…like a total creep!” Jeremy stepped forward, feeling the jealous energy build and build. Stop. Stop… “Besides, you always said blind dates were stupid, and here you are…”

“Jeremy, Jeremy whoa. Calm your ass.” Michael joked, his eyes looking nervous. He moved forward, and the close proximity made Jeremy squirm. Jeremy flinched when he felt Michaels’s hand on his shoulder. “He’s way too good for you,” the squip supplied, and Jeremy had to agree with it.

“you sure you’re okay, bro? You’re acting tenser than that time you hid porn on my computer so your dad wouldn’t find it.” He said laughing, but his touch burned Jeremy’s shoulders. Jeremy tried not to picture Michael putting his hand on the mystery guys shoulders, but being more tender, moving his hand to his face and…

“I’m fine!” he snapped, leaping out of Michael’s touch.

“geez what’s got you all defensive.”

He was worried about Jeremy, he was only worried; Michael’s eyebrows were furrowed as he said it, and the squip’s voice telling Jeremy how much he was worrying Michael only made it worse.

“Well, you’re the one who just rubs his amazing new date in my face the minute I walk in.” Jeremy choked out, the pain constricting his throat making it harder and harder to think. “You think this is a plan, Jeremy?” the squip snarled at him. “acting whiny and needy isn’t an attractive trait, Jeremy.”

Michael took a step back, stiffening. “You’re the one who asked me! Don’t be an asshole.”

Yes, he knew he was the asshole. He was. He should stop while he was ahead…

“Excuse me, you’re the asshole!” Jeremy yelled.

“What?” Michael shouted back. “are you kidding me? How the fuck am I the asshole in this situation?”

Jeremy really wanted to stop this, Michael looked hurt and angry, and without the glasses obstructing his face it was easier to see the anger in his eyes. But the squip was spitting insults in his ear, and he wanted him to

“shut up!” When it echoed in his own ears he realised he said it out loud by accident.

“Excuse me?” Michael let out a bitter laugh. “just because you’re jealous, or somt…”

Panic ripped through Jeremy’s already fragile mind-set. “why the fuck would I be jealous! You can date whoever you want! Date the entire campus for all I fucking care!” he screamed, lungs aching. “Jeremy, what are you hoping to accomplish with this pitiful outburst?” the squip laughed, not even needing to appear for Jeremy to see the smirk that would be on its face.

Michael said something, low and angrily, but Jeremy couldn’t hear him over the growl of the squip in his ear; he felt something brush past him and the distant sound of a door slamming shut.

Then he was alone.

The instant Michael was gone, Jeremy broke down.

What the fuck did I just do.

Everything swam, the slam of the door echoing in his head. He’d been a total asshole, and there’s no way Michael was stupid enough to not guess the correlation, between his date and…

“aah, jealousy. The ultimate spanner in the works,” the squip said with a sly smile, as he materialized in front of Jeremy. Jeremey snapped his head up at that, because the squip never appeared, only if it got really bad.

“shut up,” Jeremy hissed.

The squip chuckled, and Jeremy’s blood curdled in his veins.

“If only you’d followed my advice, Jeremy. If only…”

“Then what!” Jeremy didn’t care if the whole campus could hear him yelling at nothing. The squip grinned at that, somewhat satisfied with Jeremy’s reaction. “Stop pining after a guy you hurt and expecting him to forgive you.”

The image of the Halloween party flooded his brain, and the guilt started to burn through him. “He’s forgiven me for that,” he breathed out, not sounding at all certain.

“Has he really?” The squip paced forward and stared straight into his eyes. “in his position. Would you?”

The panic was rising in his gut, and his throat felt like it was caving in. The dark thoughts curled into his mind like smoke; the squip’s voice was all encompassing. Normal positive thinking wasn’t working. He needed, he needed…

Mountin dew red, he thought. Mountin dew red.

The squip’s calm demeanour vanished. “Jeremy, no. Jeremy…”

Jeremy ran to the end of the dorm room in an instant and tore open the door of their minifridge. He could hear the squip insulting him, insulting Michael, its calm demeanour cracking as Jeremy reached for the bottle with shaking hands. At least the squip no longer had full power over his body anymore. He grabbed their nearest bottle-which they kept in times like this- and chugged it back. Instantly a white-hot pain shot through his skull and he heard the distinct sound of the squip screaming his name, and his own garbled cry of pain before he dropped the bottle to the floor and fell to his knees. It always hurt, every time.

But the squip’s voice was gone, and that was enough.

The silence filled the dorm room, and it was almost overwhelming in its peace. He felt hot tears cascade down his cheeks, and his chest began to heave with relief. He tried not to think about Michael, and how he was such an ass; he could feel the guilt churn into anxiety in his gut.

Dammit dammit dammitdammit…

“Jeremy?”

Jeremy jerked and pulled himself up, shame washing over him. Michael was standing in the doorway, and he looked like he’d run back. Why? Jeremy didn’t deserve that. He wiped at his tears, cringing as his voice cracked saying, “Michael?”

Michael’s eyes tracked down to the bottle of Mountin dew red lying next to him, several red drops staining the already hideous carpet. “shit.” Jeremy scrambled to grab the bottle and rub at the marks. “Sorry, m-Michael, I’m sure I can get it out…”

“it’s fine.”

“No it’s n-not,” Jeremy gasped out. “I’ve gotta, I’m…”

Jeremy distantly heard the sound of slow footprints approaching him, praying to god Michael was going to punch him because…

He felt a slight tap on his arm and looked up, seeing worry crossing Michael’s features.

“The squip?” Jeremy didn’t know what to say so he nodded dully in response. “ I heard you shouting at nothing when I left.”

Jeremy dropped his eyes to the floor, numbly aware of his hands shaking still. Michael took the bottle from his hands and said, “go lie down” in a voice that suggested this wasn’t an option. Jeremy staggered to the bed, wishing Michael would yell at him because he felt too guilty otherwise. He pulled himself into the bed, lying on his side and feeling his chest heave in and out unevenly. When Michael returned, he expected him to go. He didn’t. He sat down next to him, leaning back against the wall. Jeremy looked up in shock. “your d-date…” he stuttered out.

“Cancelled it.”

Shit

“no, no Michael, don’t, dammit, Michael...”

“It’s fine”, Michael mumbled in response, letting out a soft sigh. It didn’t stop Jeremy worrying though. “I didn’t really feel, up for it anyway.” Jeremy knew why. It was him. All his fault. Jeremy curled up tighter, heart thundering in his chest.

“I wanted to talk anyway.”

Jeremy tensed and Michael must have sensed it because he quickly blurted out a “you don’t have to, if you’re not up to it, cos I know the whole squip thing can, like mess you up for a bit.”

Jeremy let it hang in the air before murmuring a hesitant ‘okay’.

Michael breathed in; the panic settled in Jeremy’s entire body, feeling glad he was facing away from Michael right now.

“about that fight.”

“I’m so sorry Michael,” Jeremy gasped out. “I was totally out of line, I was a complete asshole, it was all my fault,”

“that it was.” Michael said with a chuckle. “but… when I said you were jealous,” his tone switched instantly. “you acted as if I accused you of being jealous, of the guy, I was gonna go on a date with? Not the fact that I was going on a date in the first place, like…uh you” Jeremy felt his throat constrict. “uh…never mind.”

Jeremy knew what he should say. The truth that was always sitting on his tongue, whenever Michael would get high with Jeremy and turn all giggly and cuddly and Jeremy just wanted to blurt his feelings out. Whenever the squip came back and Jeremy was shaking and his eyes were darting around the room, and whatever the situation Michael would grab hold of his hand and take him home; they’d sit on the bed, playing videogames until Jeremy’s nerves were calmed, and when Michael looked so relieved when he gave the all clear, he wanted to say it then. Say that he loved him. Say how much he needed him, and how he didn’t deserve any of this. And somehow, of all the things that he wanted to say, that’s what slipped.

“I don’t deserve you.”

“what?” he felt Michael twist around on the bed. “dude, no…”

Jeremy pulled himself closer, his head feeling oddly empty without the squip mumbling at him.

“everything about me is so terrible.” How I get jealous though I have no right, how I ruin your night because I’m a horny teen who can’t keep his emotions in check.

“no, no” Michael scrambled for Jeremy’s shoulders, turning him around to see Michael’s face above him. “everything about you is so…” Michael breathed out shakily, his voice breaking slightly. “wonderful.”

Jeremy pulled away. “everything about me makes me wanna die” he said, voice barely above a whisper.

Michael crawled on top of Jeremy, turning his head upwards so he could see his face when he said, “Everything about you is so alive.”

Jeremy hated the warm smile Michael gave him; he hated the way that warmth spread across his chest; he hated that Michael still stuck around, looking at him like he was everything.

“Don’t look at me like that.” Jeremy grumbled, trying to stay mad when Michael’s tanned, gorgeous face was inches from his own.

“like what?” Michael said, his eyes lit up with a hopeful smile.

“Like I’m…I don’t know dude…” Jeremy could feel his cheeks flushing, suddenly aware of how close their chests were, and the way he could feel Michael’s breath against his lips.

“like you love me, or something,” he murmured, his voice sounding punched out, his emotions flattening his chest.

“but I do.”

What.

Jeremy’s eyes snapped up, heart hammering in his throat. Michael looked a little panicked, like he might retract his statement any time, cheeks flushed and deep, brown eyes watching Jeremy with such…

But I do.

Jeremy swallowed; his heart felt way too big for his chest. He felt so scared, because he didn’t deserve Michael in any way, but he wanted him. Selfishly, he wanted him. So fucking much. Michael was hovering above him, and time stood still.

And Jeremy risked it. He broke the bubble between them by leaning up, slowly and cautiously, because what the fuck was he doing and Michael had a date tonight, with someone who is not you. He leaned up, too scared to open his eyes, and pressed his lips so lightly to Michaels they practically didn’t kiss. Their noses bumped slightly, and Jeremy pulled away almost instantly, already forgetting the warmth of Michael’s lips, how they felt.

The moment after the kiss, Jeremy lay back, his head screaming at him; he refused to open his eyes. He knew that Michael kinda confessed to him, but he could have meant it platonically, or Jeremy made it up, or misheard him or…

But his thoughts were silenced the minute Michael’s lips were back on his, certain this time. Deliberately pressing against his own. Every thought was filled with Michael Michael Michael and Jeremy was frozen for barely a minute, before leaning up as best as he could with Michael on top of him. The brief kisses he’d shared with Brooke and the pecks from Christine were nothing on this: not even close. Michael’s lips were warm and rough, and his hand that had sneakily crept up to frame Jeremy’s head was gentle and sure. Why didn’t he kiss him earlier?

Michael pulled away to breath; Jeremy felt his cheeks heat up embarrassingly quickly as he took in Michael’s lidded eyes and flushed cheeks. A moment passed, and the Michael laughed. “So, you really were jealous, huh Jer?”

Jeremy’s laughter bubbled out of his throat, giddy with shock. “Shut up” he chuckled, punching Michael playfully in his arm.

“No” Michael said with a lopsided smirk.

Jeremy breathed out shakily, gazing up at Michael with his giddy grin and the deep flush spreading across his cheeks. He could see the slight nerves in Michael’s eyes, the slight flash of fear. He could see how he couldn’t stop grinning, like he was incapable of stopping. Then out of nowhere the situation hit him, the fight, the…

“Your date.”

Michael looked confused for mere seconds, before realisation hit him and his eyes widened. “Wait, Jer…”

It hit Jeremy all at once. How Michael couldn’t love him, not when he was going on a date with some guy, and… Jeremy pulled himself inwards, heart thumping so loudly against his chest it was all he could hear; he couldn’t hear Michael begging him to listen, and his soft voice telling him it was okay and…

He didn’t fully snap out of it until he felt a warm hand gripping his tightly, shaking almost as much as his own. Jeremy looked up, only to see a flustered Michael staring anywhere but Jeremy’s face. Jeremy was so awestruck by Michael that he didn’t fully register that he was actually talking.

“wait…uh…what?”

Michael gave him a brief glare, before chuckling lowly.

“That date was ‘cos… I couldn’t get over you.”

A brief moment of Jeremy’s brain short-circuiting.

“I couldn’t stop complaining about… being so hopelessly in love with you that I couldn’t stop thinking about it, about you…” Michael breathed out shakily. “it wasn’t cos I didn’t uh…cos I do.” Michael turned around to face Jeremy, and he looked gorgeous (well he always did but more so than usual). His cheeks were flushed and without his glasses he looked so vulnerable, although the worried expression was one Jeremy had to fix. Because he loved him. And Michael…

“oh.”

Jeremy was frozen. Until it hit him. The reality of it.

“oh!”

Michael laughed, his entire body shaking. “you look like you’ve cracked the fucking da Vinci code or some shit.” Jeremy looked up, a laugh bursting out of his chest before he could stop it.

“yeah.”

Michael grinned over at him, looking so happy that Jeremy couldn’t handle it. His heart felt like it was going to explode out of his chest. Without thinking he grabbed the front of Michael’s shirt and pulled into another kiss, but with both of them smiling so much it was almost impossible to keep it going. When they parted Michael was flashing his winning smile, and Jeremy felt it slip from his lips automatically.

“god I love you.”

Michael’s eyes widened. “oh.” Jeremy simply grinned, his entire chest warmer and his heart beating a mile a minute. “I love you, so much.”

Michael’s cheeks heated up ridiculously quickly, and he had to cover his face, letting out a breathy, “okay.”

“what you said it first.”

Michael slapped him playfully on the shoulder; even with his face covered Jeremy could see that even the tips of his ears were pink.

“it’s different when you say it.”

Jeremy grabbed Michael’s hands, pulling them away from his face. “How come?”

Michael fixed Jeremy with a lopsided grin.

“Cos, you sound like Mickey Mouse on helium compared to my rich baritones.”

“why you FUCKING…”

Jeremey tackled Michael to the bed, grabbing his sides and tickling him mercilessly, revelling in Michael’s laughter as he giggled and squirmed on the bed. And if they exchanged a couple kisses in between the laughing and the play fighting, who cares.

#boyf riends #boyf riends fanfic #mywriting #be more chill #micheal mell #Jeremy heere #the squip

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jjjkily · 6 years

Text

My Father, who art in my heart

So, today was Father’s Day. Those of you who have me on social media might’ve seen the gifts and throwback pics I posted for my dad, whom I lovingly call “daddy joe”. If I’m being completely honest, I was never planning on doing anything super extravagant for my dad. Both my parents and I have always had somewhat of a rough relationship. After moving out for college, I barely called home, and even more rarely would I visit. (I even spent most of my Thanksgiving and Spring Break away from them in different cities.) My relationship with my father has hit very deep lows (in both argumentative strife and physical altercation) at times, and we’ve always had to put in effort towards having a better communication. Out of both my parents, I definitely have felt a deeper connection and understanding of my father, though my mother is the easier one to talk to (usually on more superficial matters). But today, today was a special day. I woke up today to the sounds of my parents yelling at me and each other in a hurry to get to church. After they left, I contemplated going back to sleep or actually getting out of bed and doing something. I decided to do something since last year I kinda rocked Mother’s Day and Father’s Day never really got its moment to shine due to an emergency trip to a homeopathic doctor in Houston for my dad’s arthitis. I thought of my dad’s favorite food and fairly cheap-priced desires. I went to Walmart, purchased ingredients and a couple cute gifts, and headed home to prep the meal. After the meal was done cooking and my parents still weren’t home, I got a little worried. My mind, of course, went to the worst possible scenario and I wondered if they had gotten into an accident. To calm myself, I looked through old photos and thought of older memories – good ones – that I had with my father. When I was younger, my father and I would spend every spring season gardening. We would plant flowers around the beloved big oak trees that shaded our house. It was something I would look forward to doing all year. As I got older, and my opinion of my father changed, I refused to work with him on this. Personally, looking back, I was unhappy with a lot of things in my life, and I took it out on people who were mostly undeserving of my wrath. I held my parents to a standard that was nearly inhumane- a standard of sheer perfection that was born when I truly idolized them as a child but was unreasonable to continue as I shaped my own perpsective. A couple years ago, my father decided to remove both of the huge oak trees that guarded the house. It upset me but it was a logical decision; the grass had turned yellow because of the obstruction of sunlight that the trees caused. Now, there are no flowers in our garden, and the good times I used to spend with my father has withered away as well. People often tell me that I am the spitting image of my father. Not only do I look like him, but I think like him too. Part of this contributed to the fact that we were so stubborn our arguments and fights. Part of this also contributed to the fact it was (and still is) hard for me to ask my dad for help. In my first year of college, I would go days without food or rationing to one meal a day because I couldn’t swallow my pride and ask my dad for money I needed. He was very stringent about money when I was a child, and I always felt inherently bad for asking for more of it. In March, I got my first speeding ticket, I couldn’t bring myself to tell my dad about so I spent an extra hundred dollars of my own money so it wouldn’t be his burden. In the end, my dad found out due to increased insurance rates, and we had a huge fight about it. Growing up, my dad would always talk about how his own father never helped him financially, so I inherited my father’s mindset towards his own father. My parents eventually did come home, and I gave my dad both of his presents while we ate lunch, a meal that I cooked. One of the presents were slippers that my dad wanted to be exchanged for a smaller size. I agreed to go back to Walmart in that moment and exchange it. I didn’t mind because I loved to drive and it was going to be a quick trip before my mom’s new work shift. On my way back from Walmart, I stopped prior to making a left turn but I forgot to check my right view. Seemingly out of nowhere, I hit a white Honda in the backseat of the passenger’s side. After a moment of complete shock, my mind raced. I’m gonna be completely honest: part of me wanted to just drive away in that moment as the damage on both cars was solely cosmetic, but I knew in my heart my dad taught me better than that. I signaled the other driver to pull into a nearby lot, which happened to be an emergency clinic. I relunctantly called my father and told him what happened. He immediately headed over. As a I waited for him, my heart flooded with guilt- all I had wanted to do was celebrate my dad for his sacrifices and I had ended only costing him more. I sat and dwelled on how my father would yell at me. I knew in my heart that the every insult I could imagine him saying would completely right. I felt worthless, yet as my father pulled up to the scene, something was different. He didn’t yell at me; we talked and he was pretty understanding, which left me confused and ultimately even more guilty. When we got home, my dad, of course, made me tell my mom what happened to her car. She was reasonably upset, and she started yelling at me the way I expected my father to. My dad, in that moment, came to my defense and respectably told my mom to back off. I, all the while, remained speechless. I went to my room and sulked, beating myself up. Soon after, my dad came in and tried to comfort me again, but I wouldn’t let myself be comforted. I spent the rest of the day trying to make it up, thinking of ways I could make and save money to pay for the damage, and hopefully, even, a new car. I couldn’t take thinking about it any longer and I almost went to bed. When I told my dad that I was about to go to sleep, he insisted on having family prayer early, which we usually do every night with my mom but because of her new work schedule should’ve been postponed till midnight, when she got home. When I grabbed the Bible from the shelf, I winced in pain and I noticed a bruise on my arm where the steering wheel had been. My dad saw the bruise, and finally raised his voice (mostly) out of concern. He insisted that I needed to pray more to help my physically and spiritually, which was odd to hear from him because 1) he is not the most religious man and 2) he hadn’t known that I skipped church that day. It hit close to home and it set me off – I broke down and I told him that I don’t think I should ever drive anymore because I was so terrible at it. Instead of his usual teasing and goading of insults, he told me that it wasn’t true. I apparently have shown him so many times that I can be a good driver, though today I definitely wasn’t the best. He gave me confidence and said I shouldn’t be scared going forward because my many mistakes. Instead of feeling guilty, I should learn from it. It was the first time in 19 years that I was glad to have asked my dad for help. I don’t know what I’m trying to accomplish in writing this. Maybe I’m pointing out a vicious cycle of parent-child behavior that we can actively change. Maybe I’m pushing for people to get to understand their parents before being upset that their parents don’t understand them. Not just by getting who your parents currently, but be asking about their life before you, or maybe even when they were you. Maybe I’m just a girl sitting in her room with swollen eyes and a puffy nose trying register what may have been a significant moment in her life. Maybe I’ve just been having a shitty day and typing it all out on a Word document is way cheaper than therapy. Either way, Happy Father’s Day.

#father #father's day #prayer #shitty #it gets better #Bible #parents #parent-child #relationship

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