#it used to be bad in highschool and I remember feeling like shit cuz even tho I had an ED I couldn’t seem to ever reach my goal weight to be

[migueloharaslave]

WARNING!!!!!!!!! NSFW WILL OCCUR HERE SO SKIP IT IF U WANT OR WHATEVER (obv it's not the best cuz im still new to this pookies)🗣🤪🫶

"You always do this shit. Why do you keep asking me that?" Shawn groaned in annoyance as he slammed the refrigerator door.

"Well I can't help it. Sometimes it just feels like you don't even love me anymore. You haven't even took me on a date in a fucking year." You choked back tears as you studied his movements. Shawn then decided to walk up to you, he pushed you down onto a chair, pointing a finger at you. "You're a bitch. You constantly fucking say 'do you even love me anymore?' Of course I fucking do. I don't take you on dates because your always busy with that dumb job. Plus, I think your cheating. Who's that guy you've been texting.. Miguel? Yeah, you didn't think I saw that on your phone? What fucking guy asks a girl 'You free tonight?' You got something you wanna tell me?"

You stared up at him, you felt tears form in your eyes as you stared at him. "M-Miguel is a friend. He's just a friend I've met at work! I wouldn't cheat on you and you know that. I see him nothing more than a close friend. Sometimes we hangout and eat dinner together that's it." You choked back your tears as she you stared at him, fidgeting with the bottom of your shirt.

"Uh-huh. Whatever you fucking say. I'm going out, don't call me." Shawn scoffed as he stormed off out of the apartment, slamming the door behind him.

You stared off into the distance before bursting out into tears, all these bottled up emotions were now coming out. You've been dealing with this toxic relationship for so long.. You didn't know how to get out of it though. You felt so attached to him.. emotionally. He's the only boy to ever lay eyes on you, sure you may had a huge glow up since highschool, but deep down you still felt insecure. You sniffed as your last few tears dropped, then you heard your phone vibrate against the table, you picked it up and saw it was Miguel. You wiped your tears away as you cleared your throat and answered.

"Hey." You said in a soft voice.

"Hey.. You sound weird. Are you alright?" Miguel responded, furrowing his brows at the tone of your voice.

"Yeah, just allergies." You giggled.

"Yknow.. If anything is bothering you, you can always talk to me." Miguel spoke in a stern voice.

"I-.."

"Tell me."

"I don't know.. I just don't want anything bad to happen."

"Nothing is going to happen, I wouldn't let a thing happen to you. Talk to me."

"It's my boyfriend."

Miguel scoffed.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Well anyways, Shawn is accusing me of cheating. Just because we hang out. He thinks just because you asked me if im free tonight that I'm hooking up with you or some shit, it's annoying. I would never cheat, I love him so much."

"Oh... I see. So, he's jealous of me?"

"I guess."

Miguel smirked, "He's jealous because I'm treating you the way any other man would treat a wonderful woman like you. 8 years together and still no ring, he's not worth it. Not at all."

"But I love him. He's just going through a lot.."

"And he takes his anger out on you."

"Well.. I don't mind."

"Are you being serious right now?"

"Yes, I'm not a good girlfriend to him anyways."

"Whatever, stop talking about him. Let's focus on us, hm?"

"Yeah.."

"Great. Soo.. still gonna go out with me tonight?"

"We're not going out together. We're two friends hanging out."

"Still, you wanna go? I have no plans.. "

"Yeah, I'm going still."

"Great, I'll pick you up."

"Okay, bye."

"Bye." You hung up.

"Love you too." Miguel whispered at his phone. He sighed and sat it down on the table. He chewed on the inside of his cheek. God, he was head over heels for you. Although you two barely even met, he felt so close to you already. Call him obsessed with the way he remembers every single detail. Miguel stood up, and walked over to a window, looking out at the city. He had a great paying job, which was the reason he would be able to afford all of those dates. And there should be no surprise that he lives in a penthouse, his apartment was black and red themed, definitely gave off a romantic vibe.

..You put on a white sweater with a casual jean skirt along with white legwarmers to give it a more cozy vibe, and black boots to top off the outfit, the outfit was cute so of course you did a half up half down hairstyle while slipping a white bow in your hair. You were fixing your lashes that you were putting on before you heard the doorbell ring, you gasped when you knew it was Miguel. "Shit!" You scattered around the room to find your purse, you snatched it up when you found it laying on the ground. You made sure to spray yourself with some perfume before dashing out to the door. You took a deep breath before opening it, looking up.. you saw Miguel.

Miguel.. That man knew how to take your breath away. He wore a white sweater and jeans.. just like you did. You glanced down at what was in his arms.. purple roses?

"Heh, seemed like we decided to match." Miguel chuckled to himself as he invited himself in ,walking past you  he looked around, peeked around the corner, then back at you. Scrunching up his nose he asked, "Where's that boyfriend of yours?"

"He went out.." You closed the door and bit your lip as you watched him, eyes examining his strong build before he handed you the flowers.

"Purple roses, just like you told me you liked. I thought since you liked the color purple and roses that'll I'll get you both instead." Miguel hummed.

"Thank you, they're beautiful." You smiled to yourself, you grabbed a empty vase, feeling it with a little bit of water. You sat it down on the middle of the table, taking the roses out of the plastic before slipping them into the vase smiling at them.

Miguel looked at you, his eyes seemed to narrow as he watched the way you moved across the kitchen. You were kinda like a swan, all graceful and soft with your movements better yet you could be a goddess. A goddess who deserves more in her life then some poor idiot. Miguel scoffed and looked off to the side as he just thought about your boyfriend, the way he treated you.. he hated it.

"What's wrong? You look upset." You looked at him before stepping close to him. Miguel turned his head to look back into those eyes of yours, he licked his lips as he felt his throat go dry.

"Nothing." Miguel closed his eyes and sighed, that vanilla perfume you wore was starting to drive him crazy. "Let's go, Hopefully you don't mind walking. It's not too far from your apartment."

"Fine with me." You smiled.

You two made your way out of the apartment making your way down the streets of Nueva York, the streets were crowded so you held onto Miguel's arm as in hopes to not lose him. Soon, you two made it to the restaurant. It seemed to be a fun little colorful spot filled with laughter and a live jazz band playing.

Your eyes widened with excitement at the vibes this whole place gave off, it was so colorful.. it smelled absolutely amazing, there was nothing but happiness all around. You and Miguel found a spot to sit next to near the band so you could watch them play.

Miguel pulled out your chair, when you sat down, he pushed it in before sitting down himself. He watched you as you smiled watching the band play, seeing your smile.. the way your smile stretched across ear from ear, the way your dimples showed. It felt like he was trapped. Trapped in this curse you had put on him, he bit his lip as you looked over at him, you two locking eyes. He felt his heart pound in his chest, only God knows how long he has been staring at you.

You looked up as a waiter walked over with a big grin, handing you two a menu. "Hello, hopefully you two are enjoying your evening so far. I'll be your waiter, any drinks I can start you guys off with. We have soda, water, some wine.. and don't miss out on our little deal for couples!"

"Oh we're not a couple. Just friends." Miguel cleared his throat, you nodded your head in agreement.

"..Oh. Well, how about you skip over that deal." The waiter chuckled nervously.

"Uhh.. I'll have a coke. You, Miguel?" You smiled at him.

" I'll have iced tea." He looked back at you.

"Okay, okay.. I'll get those ready right quick!" The waiter walked off.

"Thank you for bringing me here. I like it.. It's been awhile since my boyfriend and I been out together, it just feels nice to not be trapped in that apartment." You sighed as you looked into the distance.

Miguel reached his hand across the table, placing his hand on top of yours. He dragged his thumb across the back of your soft hands. "Leave him."

"What?" Your frowned at him. "That's a weird thing to say." You laughed.

"No, I'm being serious."  Miguel squeezed your hand, "I.. I think I'm in love with you. You're so beautiful and just overall perfect, someone like him doesn't deserve you. I can treat your better, I wanna be yours."

You stared into his eyes as you listened to his love confession, you shook your head. "No.. No I can't. Miguel.. I have feelings for you too but I just can't leave Shawn. He's.. He's my boyfriend, he's the only guy I've ever been with."

"Let me be the second and last guy you'll ever be with."

"Miguel." You cocked a eyebrow at him.

"Y/N." Again, he rolled your name off of his tongue in such a way that it made your body ache for him.

The waiter came over and sat your drinks down, holding up her notepad as she smiled at you both. "What can I get for ya?"

..About a good hour and a half later, you and Miguel were walking down the street. "Wanna come over to my place, maybe we can watch a movie or two..?"

"Sounds nice" you smiled softly.

"Great. Let me call a uber."

And after a good ten minutes, you finally arrived at his place. When he opened the door, you gasped. "Oh my god.. It's like a vampire lives here." You joked, looking around. Everything was so nice, way better than your old apartment. You started to walk around, dragging your hands along the wall as you made your way over to the window that overlooked the city. It was night, so the city lights were so bright, everything looked like dream as if it could take your breath away.

Miguel followed you, moving to stand right behind you. "Nice, isn't it?"

"Yeah.." You whispered, looking up at him.

Miguel brushed a strand of hair out of your face as you two locked eyes, his lips parted as his heart nearly skipped a beat. He felt as if his heart was running laps around his lungs as if it was going to do a back as if.. and something soft touched his lips before he knew. Suddenly, his hands found their way to your waist, pushing you closer.

You wrapped your arms around Miguel's neck, closing your eyes as you leaned into the kiss. It was so passionate, you had to part your lips just to deepen the kiss. The feel his hands on your waist was driving you crazy.

Suddenly, Miguel pulled away, He stared into your eyes. "God you drive me crazy.."

"Where's your bedroom?" You asked with a smirk on your face. Suddenly your at home life didn't exist, suddenly Shawn didn't exist. Suddenly Miguel was the only man you wanted, suddenly.. you were in his bed.

You two continued to kiss, practically trying to eat each other's face off at this point. You were desperately lifting Miguel's shirt up, trying to get a glimpse of those muscles. Miguel pulled away, lifting up his sweater and tossing it aside. He exposed those strong abs along with those strong pecs, god the way his body slimmed down at his waist honestly drove you crazy. You bit your lip as you caressed those strong arms of his giggling as you sat up, allowing Miguel to take off your sweater too.

Miguel leaned in, pecking kisses along your neck. He mumbled soft praises along your tender skin, hands on your waist dragging down to your skirt. You couldn't help but feel desperate, the way he unbuttoned your skirt with ease, nearly tearing it off he finally toss them aside, exposing your panties to him. Miguel kissed your ankle before pecking kisses down to your inner thigh, he looked up at you with hungry eyes. He licked his lips as he leaned forward, catching your lips in a kiss once again as he brought his hand down, pressing his palms against your clothed cunt

You let out a small whimper in response which caused him to chuckle. You felt your body heat up as you started to grind your hips against his hand, god how long has it been.. your boyfriend hadn't touched you in what felt like forever, better yet he never made sex feel this exciting. Miguel's pulled out off the kiss to catch his breath, his eyes narrowed as he stared into your eyes. He hummed as he leaned down, pecking kiss down until he reached your lace trimmed panties, he pulled them down gently. He looked up at you, smiling softly. "Tell me when I should stop. I want to make you feel good, not hurt you. You're everything to me.. I want you to have every good thing in this world, mi amor." His words was so smoothing and comforting, the way he talked drove you crazy.

You bit down on your lip as you sat up on your elbows watching the way he propped your legs up on his shoulder. You gripped down onto the sheet when you felt him lick at your slit, your voice hitched when his tongue started to circle around your clit. "M-Miguel.." You whispered, bringing you hand down to grip onto his hair as he started to gently suck on your clit. Miguel pulled away and giggled, dragging his tongue along your clit before pushing it inside of you drove you crazy  the way he gently pushed in it out, flicking against your pulsing walls.. everything was pushing you to the edge.

Suddenly, Miguel grew bold, which is exactly why he pushed a single fingers inside, watching your reaction before he slipped a second inside. "Oh g-god.." You cried as you leaned your head back, your walls clenching around his fingers. Miguel started to thrust his fingers in and out at a gentle pace, then he started speeding up as he leaned in and started sucking your clit again. He looked up at you, watching the way you reacted to the way he made you feel.. you were so beautiful, the way your chest heaved when you took a deep breath.. he couldn't help but chuckle.

Suddenly, his pace quickened even more, his pace quickened suddenly and you let out a cry. "M-Miguel..!" You cried out his name, gripping onto the silk sheets of his bed, wrapping your legs around his head as you groaned. "I'm.. I'm gonna c-come.." You whined. You felt your thigh twitched, biting down on your lip you threw your head back, crying with pleasure. Suddenly, just as you were getting close, it all stopped.

Miguel had pulled away, "Not yet." He spoke softly, leaning in and gently kissing you, making you taste yourself on his lips. "But.. Please, Miguel.." You whined.

Miguel smirked as he leaned over, "You might as well get ready.." He grabbed a condom from the night stand, "It's gonna be a long night."

..After a night of nonstop loud moans and the sound of skin slapping against each other, it was finally morning.. and oh boy you woke up to something crazy. Not Miguel, but your boyfriend or.. ex spam calling your phone. You groaned as you sat up, glancing over at Miguel who was still sound asleep. "My god.." You hissed as you felt your thighs feel numb as you tried to stand up. Maybe you should start doing yoga again because you were not ready for this. You grabbed your phone and sighed, you stood up and answered the phone.

"WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU? You haven't been answering your fucking phone, You weren't at the fucking apartment. Your friends said you aren't with them. Where the fuck are you? Huh? Answer me damnit." Shawn grinned his teeth to try and keep his composure.

Just as you felt tears fill up your eyes.. and just as you were about to speak, Miguel snatched your phone. "Hello?" Miguel asked.

"Who the fuck is this? Why the fuck are you with my girlfriend?"

"..The same guy she told you not to worry about." Miguel hung up the phone.

#miguel spiderverse #miguel ohara x reader #miguel x reader #miguel spiderman #miguel o'hara #atsv miguel #spiderman 2099 #miguel ohara x you #miguel ohara x y/n #miguel ohara smut #miguel ohara angst

[killerandhealerqueen]

For the 'ask a reader' meme - A3, A9, B3, B4, C4, C9, D2, D6, D7

A3. When did you get your AO3/FFN/Wattpad account (whichever was first)?

Oh lord...I got my FFN account first and I was in highschool then, probably 9th grade so...2014? I had an AFF (AsianFanFics) account and a DeviantArt account before that where I posted fanfics. That was in middle school so...maybe 2012-2013?

A9. Who was your first ship?

Goku/Vegeta. I still enjoy reading fics for them every now and then but it's very hard to find good ones

B3. What’s the best device to read on (phone, laptop, tablet…)? Why?

I like reading on my phone, just cuz it's right in my hand, but I also don't mind reading on my laptop if I'm alone in my house. I'm on my computer almost all the time, so it's just convenient for me

B4. Who is your current favourite author? What is their best story?

Okay, so other than myself (because it's very rare these days for me to read something other than my own fics) I'd have to say Only_1_Truth. I really enjoy their 00Q fics. My favorite of theirs is Noster nostri. I go back and read it quite a bit. But all of their 00Q fics are really good

C4. What thing that fandom loves do you actually kind of hate? Why?

Hatewatching? I guess? Or like...continuing to watch a drama even though you like...aren't happy with it? Cuz like, if it's not vibing with you or you don't like the characters...just stop watching? And stop making posts about how much you either hate the drama or hate specific characters and shit cuz like...the rest of us don't wanna read that, you know? (I don't know if fandoms love doing this but it's something that irks me. Like if you're not enjoying something, just stop doing/watching it)

C9. What show did you really try to watch, but you just couldn’t?

Uh...I watched the first 2 episodes of Vigilante but I just can't get into it. The reporter in it pisses me the hell off and idk, the MC is overly violent for a vigilante. Not that it's a bad thing, I'm just like...some of his methods are a little...much. For me personally. I normally like these kinds of shows but I think the reporter pisses me off to much for me to enjoy it. Same with My Roommate is a Detective. I got through 10 episodes before I had to call it quits because the reporter in there just pissed me the hell off. In both cases, these reporters care more about stories and fame than actually reporting the truth and sometimes they don't even care about the consequences that their actions might have on the victims of the cases. And as someone who works/has works/wants to work in forensics...you gotta be mindful of the family and their feelings as well as the victims (if they survive the attack). And like...if you blatantly disregard that all for a story...then you're just a piece of shit whose journalism license should be revoked

D2. Who/Where did you get your last fic rec from?

Last fic rec was from a mutual on here who reblogged a Beyond Evil fic. It was really good

D6. How many bookmarks do you have?

352. I'm very picky with my stories and like I said, I mainly just end up reading my own because I write what I wanna read

D7. Why did you leave your most recent comment? Will you share it with us?

The last comment I remember leaving was on a CSI: Miami fic. I wrote: "I adored this fic. It’s so well written, I feel like I’m reading an actual episode. Well done, I loved this"

I left it because the fic felt like I was reading an actual CSI: Miami episode even though it wasn't one. It was just so well written, all the characters felt true and not ooc and just...it was just a nice read. Had me on the edge of my seat the entire time

ask a reader meme | send me asks

#sass answers #took 🐸 #ask a reader meme

[shade-romeo]

S.. sanders sides... b..ba...band au..

(There's a shit ton of info under here but I'm gonna reblog with even more :) ))

(Also let me know if I need to tag anything, I'm not sure if there's anything triggering down there, since it's mostly just a brain fart)

Roman plays guitar.. Janus does drums... Remus is lead vocals... Janus and Roman both also sing backup....

Their band is names Epifany. A misspelling of Epiphany because Remus liked the sound of the word, but he changed the spelling because "Ph doesn't deserve to take away all of F's hard work."

They're all in highschool together, (Seniors, the twins are 18, and Janus is 19, so they're not minors. Just putting this out there so Remus' stage outfit isn't like.. bad.), so in order to keep everyone off their back, they never reveal who they really are when they do band things in public, so like.. they all have what is essentially a celebrity persona.

Roman calls himself Prince, obviously.

On stage, Prince wears a black long sleeved shirt, with a red vest that is absolutely covered in patches, no pins tho, cuz they rattle and the mic might pick up that sound. He also wears like.. grey pants, that /look/ like dress pants, but they actually aren't, they're super comfy and flexible, but they give off the vibe of like.. professionalism. And then of course some nice heeled boots, that you really can't see because of the pants, but they're there.

And then when doing interviews, he wears a white button up, with black tight jeans, so he can put on his pretty boots and actually have them be seen. He also likes to wear his white silky gloves to interviews, cuz silk feels really nice, all slippery when he rubs his hands together, but sometimes he doesn't, mostly because he forgot to put em on that day. And he only ever remembers as soon as they're at the interview and he gets so upset, cuz now he can't rub his hands together and have it be all slippery :'(.

Two things Prince is never seen without though? His mask, and his crown. His mask is a deep red, with white around the edges, and lil crowns in the corners. And his crown, it looks like one of those plastic crowns you get at like party city, which.. it is, only because it has the foam inside to keep it on his head, otherwise it would fall off constantly.

Remus goes by Duke. Again, duh.

On stage, Duke wears a dark like forest green tanktop, with tons and tons of bracelets on his arms, they aren't loose, because if they were, they would clack together, and that's not good for the sound on stage. He also wears a black choker with spikes and a hoop on the front. It literally looks like a dog collar, and lots of fans speculate that it actually is a dog collar that he bought at pet smart. Anyway, uh, he also wears black shorts, and fishnets underneath because bitches wanna be hot, alright? And of course he wears platform boots because yes bitch. And makeup. Bitch goin off.

To interviews, he wears literally the exact the same thing, except with WAY more jewelry, like, necklaces, piercings, bracelets, most of which are loose so he can just shake his arms and it makes maraca noises which is just fuckin awesome.

Remus has decided that instead of a face mask to hide his identity, like Roman and Janus use, he will wear one of those things that goes over your eyes, and makes like.. the electronic eyes?

These!!! He wears one of these, and like controls the reactions during interviews, on stage he normally switches them between songs, and bases it on the vibe of each song. Like if it's a love song, or a song talking about being in love at all, he'll put on the hearts. Then if its a song about like.. death, he'll put on the X's over his eyes.

Janus is Serpent. Honestly I'm not too good at original names.

Snake, on stage, wears a brown leather jacket over a black t-shirt, the t-shirt has a picture of a yin-yang on it. He also wears jeans, and work boots. Very casual on stage to be honest.

During interviews tho? Bro.. u better be ready to simp bro. He's got on a yellow button up, with a black vest, black dress pants and dress shoes, literally just dressin up all sophisticated and hot.

Though Serpent is never, EVER, seen without his bowler hat or gloves. Ever. He has both items on at all times, though he has two separate pairs of gloves for when he's on and off stage, the onstage pair having hidden grips so his drumsticks don't slip out of his hands. He also wears a face mask to hide his identity, though his is different from Roman's. His mask covers the bottom half of his face, but also covers the left side of his face. The bottom half of his mask is a darker yellow, brighter than mustard yellow, but still a darkish yellow, with black accents, while the part that covers the rest of his face, is green and looks like scales. He figures if Roman's gonna play into his Prince thing as much as he is, then he can have a mask with scales. Fuck off.

#sanders sides #roman sanders #janus sanders #remus sanders #band au

[mrfutureboy]

I would like to know when you started drawing and where your passion for fanart started 😊

Oh FUCK dude i did not see this i’m so fucking sorry this is so late 😭 damn you, tumblr, for not fucking notifying me!! Anyway buckle up this is gonna be much longer than you asked for <3

Honestly ive kinda been drawing all my life! I hope that doesnt sound dumb cuz obviously almost everyone drew pictures when they were kids, but i know that it’s been a consistent hobby for me since i was little. By the time i was in 3rd grade I was hoarding notebooks to draw in. Cuz that’s something fun about me: i had a real huge habit of drawing in things that werent sketchbooks. Through middle school and beyond I did buy/receive sketchbooks, but I started out with various kinds of notebooks. One I had from like 2nd grade was like a hardcover, stationary-type notebook that I drew cats in lol, and I have 2 velvet lisa frank notebooks from 3rd grade. In high school and college I had a really bad habit of drawing in the margins on my notes and on handouts the teacher/professor would give. Those classes where the prof just prints out all the notes beforehand and gives them to you to follow along? Oh man, I spent so many classes barely listening while I drew on them! I also used to draw on my physics homework and tests and sometimes I even got extra credit for them (thank you jeff :D). I actually have a folder of various drawings I’ve kept from that 8yr time period and a lot of them are on classwork 😂

Obviously, I’ve been doing a lot of digital art lately, which I’m sure is what u were more curious about rather than the shit about drawing on my homework. I got a surface pro as a graduation gift in 2016 bc prior to that i had a wacom tablet and a janky ass laptop, so the gift was kinda a 2-in-1: i can do schoolwork AND art easily! i like digital art a lot and honestly im still learning new things abt it every time i draw. I use Leonardo currently (i’ll skip that story) but I started out doing digital art on sketchfu WITHOUT the wacom tablet in maaaaybe 2012??? 2011??? does anyone on this site remember sketchfu? Honestly couldnt even tell u how i found that site hahah the internet was just full of wonders back in the day. RIP sketchfu. Once i got the tablet tho some time later i used sketchfu still (i think) but also gimp and krita i believe.

Oh i suppose I should mention that i took art all four years of highschool and also minored in it in college! So it’s something i did academically as well as for fun. I keep thinking about going to art school for realsies but idk. I’m already $$$ in debt from my first degree i dont feel like adding to that 😅😓

Ok now for the second part of your question: I’ve also pretty much always done fan art! Ive never really been one for OC’s, EXCEPT for the self-insert superhero double life “comics” i wrote about a poodle named Sassy when i was in third grade. And then the knock off “comics” i wrote at a later time which honestly it was weird that i did a knock off of my own thing rather than just adding them to the original or making it a spin off with at least one of the og characters. Cuz it wasnt a spin off!! But anyway there wasnt really much to any of these characters; i just needed vessels to get my weird ideas out.

So anyway yeah most of what ive ever drawn has been fan art or self portraits, because its just easier for me to take characters that already exist and bend them to my will (artistically). Well excluding art assignments in school i guess because i would usually have to draw something specific and therefore not something self indulgent. But yeah ive drawn for lots of fandoms like the earliest i remember is warrior cats. Then theres things like pokemon and warriors and random other books i read thru middle school (i used to read a LOT but now im practically illiterate); spn, sherlock, and marvel through high school; and then marvel and bttf thru the end of hs and beyond. Idk i also have always loved looking at other peoples fan art and so im like “shit i wanna do that too!”. Tho i will say marvel was my biggest fandom and the one i had the longest interest in, so that was probably where the passion REALLY came from cuz I was drawing marvel stuff for such a long time (tho not posting shdjsk u have to trust me), but ive been doing fan art forever :)

(Of course, a lot of the fan art i was making prior to recently was drawn in lined notebooks or on homework sheets or what have you, and I wasn’t posting really any of it, but i was still making it and a good chunk of it still exists. Oh i should also mention most of it was with pencils or ballpoint pens like i wasnt doing anything too fancy. There was some digital art in the highschool-college time frame but it also really wasnt…much. Honestly i barely posted any of it here but I know some of it’s on deviantart)

I cant pinpoint the exact time I started getting more “serious” about my art in general, but i know the first pandemic lockdown gave me more free time and i was less stressed about schoolwork so i just kinda had a good outlet. (Tho i will say that prior, I had been in a life drawing club for a short while, and i had also been working on a personal sketchbook project that had me pretty ~inspired~ to do art. Also i watched twin peaks around this time and it inspired a lot of Feelings and i was making funky collages and other art pieced that were sometimes related to that. Some of those are on deviantart)

Honestly I think the Big thing with my digital art was coincidentally getting back into BTTF the summer of the 35th anniversary bc the fandom here was THRIVING and i was like “oh shit wait i want to contribute!” But as i kept drawing i kept wanting to improve and that leads us to right now where im constantly trying new things (whether subtle or obvious) and challenging myself to do full body drawings with different poses, and doing screencap redraws and what have you for various reasons (backgrounds, proportions, pose, etc)

So yeah :) Basically I’ve been doing fan art forever (I didnt even get into all the mediums ive tried but that’s another conversation bc this is already so long and convoluted) and it’s kinda coincidental that ive suddenly really gotten back into it and have improved dramatically in such a short time. Thank you so much @rovermcfly for the ask and again im really sorry you had to wait so long for a response! Stupid tumblr

#rovermcfly #signed sealed delivered #THANK U SM I HOPE U ENJOY KY RAMBLING :) #id love to ramble more if theres anything else u’d like to hear about my art journey :) bc i know this is all over the place lmfao #i will say some periods of life were a bit more inspired than others and thats bc i like will not draw if im too stressed #bc likely if im too stressed im too tired. see: a few weeks ago when that job was draining my life force

[destination-despairing]

Sleep aid

Guess who wrote some Kuzuhina (hint: It was me and River) Read here on AO3

Fuyuhiko knew the signs of sleep deprivation. He'd suffered from it himself on more than one occasion and it wasn't exactly pretty. 

Obviously he didn't care that Hajime looked about ready to collapse. Wasn't his problem. But he was sorta their leader and they needed him, and if no one else was gonna notice how bad he looked well... Fuyuhiko had to take matters into his own hands. 

He felt stupid and awkward as he always seemed to when preparing to face Hajime, but he shoved it aside and knocked on the door to his room.

Fuyuhiko felt worried when it took a long minute for Hajime to come answer the door. When he did he looked down at Fuyuhiko like he was trying to process the steps it’d taken him to get from whatever he’d been doing to answering the door. 

“Yeah?” Hajime said slowly. 

“Geez, you look even shittier than yesterday,” Fuyuhiko snorted, more to deflect the fact Hajime looked pretty even exhausted. 

“... Thanks?” Hajime sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Can I help you or did you just stop by to insult me?” 

Fuyuhiko actually felt kind of bad. He glanced away and shoved the bag he’d been carrying into Hajime’s hands, blushing horribly. “Here. I know sleeping in this place sucks but you have to eventually.” He hoped Hajime wouldn’t put too much thought into the gifts, which Fuyuhiko most certainly had. “I got your meeting with Makoto today canceled, told him you weren’t feeling well. They postponed it to next week.” 

Hajime fumbled a bit with the bag, eyes going wide. “W-what?” He stammered. “You thought I couldn’t handle it?” He seemed to shrink on himself, shoulders falling. 

“No!” Fuyuhiko said quickly, guilt twisting in his gut like a knife. “You’re the strongest person I know, course you could handle it. Doesn’t mean you should have to all the time.” 

“You’re right, I’m sorry.” Hajime pressed his hand to his forehead and then let it run through his hair, tousling it worse than it had already been. “I’m not myself… Thanks for helping..” He lingered a bit with his hand on the doorknob. 

Fuyuhiko tried and failed to not be slightly enamored with the way Hajime’s hair fell messily on his head. He imagined running his own fingers through it and blushed. “You gonna go try and get some sleep? Cuz I can take my gifts back if you’re not gonna appreciate them.” He joked. 

“Yeah, sure.” Hajime gave a weak smile. “I’ll uh, see you later.” 

That should have been the end of it, but… 

“Did you want help?” Fuyuhiko’s blush worsened. “There’s some tea in the gift bag I could make for you, wouldn’t want you burning yourself or some shit with how tired you are.” It was a lame excuse and he knew it, but he was concerned and wanted to keep an eye on his friend. 

Hajime looked like he was considering the offer. “If you like,” He stepped aside for Fuyuhiko to come in, something in his posture showing relief.. 

“No need to sound so happy about it.” Fuyuhiko rolled his eye as he entered the room, being snarky more so to alleviate his own nerves. He didn’t want to overstep and make Hajime uncomfortable, but the worry he felt outweighed his anxiety and pushed him forward.

 He wanted to know Hajime was okay… Which was normal, right? After all they’d been through, they were friends and Hajime was their makeshift leader. It was fine to care, and he cared a normal amount. 

The current hotel the Future Foundation had them set up in was nice enough that they got suites, there was a kitchen and a sitting room attached to a bedroom and bath. 

Once they were both inside Hajime flopped onto the couch, loosening his tie with a huff. 

Fuyuhiko pointedly ignored Hajime’s everything in favor of grabbing the tea out of the bag and escaping to the kitchen. 

He knew now wasn’t the time to be… feeling things. Especially new things. He could explore that later, when Hajime was in a better space. 

Fuyuhiko headed back out to the living room a few minutes later. He immediately noticed how Hajime had undone the top two buttons of his shirt which wasn’t distracting at all. 

He sat on the coffee table across from Hajime and offered him the mug. 

“Thanks,” Hajime blew on it to cool it and looked thoughtful a minute. “It’s really that obvious?” He asked. 

“Nah,” Fuyuhiko let his tone soften. “No one else knows, you’re a good actor for someone going on… What, four hours of sleep in the last two days?” He guessed, raising an eyebrow. 

“... Zero.” Hajime admitted, looking away quickly. 

“Jesus…” Fuyuhiko shook his head and sighed. “What do you need? I mean this shit was just guesses.” He gestured to the gift bag. “Anything you need, I’m here.” He normally would’ve felt embarrassed at proclaiming that but… He cared about Hajime, just like he cared about the rest of his classmates. 

He wasn’t gonna let him suffer alone. 

Hajime looked a little helpless. “I don’t know, sorry. I’ve tried everything I’ve got… I just can’t do it.” He took a sip of tea from the mug, then leaned down to press the mug against his forehead, closing his eyes. 

“Guess I’m gonna have to stick around until we find something that works then.” Fuyuhiko smiled slightly. “I’ve got more tricks up my sleeve if these don’t help. I’m the ultimate Yakuza, I’ll get you sleeping like a goddamn baby.” 

“Thought it was ‘sleeping with the fishes’.” Hajime joked, chuckling quietly. 

“That’s for the people I don’t like, and thankfully for you I do like you.” Fuyuhiko grinned at Hajime’s stupid joke. 

“I’m grateful. Don’t know what I’d do without you.” Hajime said, leaning back on the couch. He winced at the movement. 

Fuyuhiko noticed the wince and felt that worry gnaw at him again. He got up, draping his jacket over the arm of the couch and moved behind Hajime. Before he could fully register what he was doing he started massaging Hajime’s shoulders gently. 

Hajime made an obscene sound at the touch and it made Fuyuhiko’s stomach twist. He was grateful to be behind Hajime so he couldn’t see the fact his face was scarlet. 

Hajime leaned forward, putting his mug on the coffee table and giving Fuyuhiko more room to work. “God, please keep doing that…” Hajime groaned. 

Fuyuhiko chuckled deeply. He didn’t have any intentions of stopping unless Hajime asked him to, and clearly he was enjoying himself. He couldn’t help but feel sympathy. The muscles under his skin were clenched tightly, like he was prepared for a fight that was never going to happen. No wonder he was wincing, if they’d been stuck like that for awhile. 

Once some of the tension was gone he decided to take a gamble, slipping his hands under the bottom of Hajime’s shirt to massage his lower back. 

A shiver ran down Hajime’s spine and he chuckled. “Your hands are cold,” He pulled away and passed the mug of tea to Fuyuhiko before taking his shirt off. “There. You can warm them up.” 

Fuyuhiko froze, ignoring the fact that the mug was just a bit too warm and the longer he held it the more it burned. 

Of course when they'd come out of the simulation things were different, they weren't the highschoolers they thought they were, rather adults. And Hajime of course had the Kamukura project affecting him. 

Still Fuyuhiko wasn't prepared for those back muscles. 

He suddenly felt very warm.

“Hey, careful.” Hajime took the mug away. “I thought I was the space ca…” he yawned. “..det.” 

“Shut up,” Fuyuhiko mumbled, his face bright red. “You want me to keep helping you or not?” 

"Not if it bothers you." Hajime set the mug aside. "Sorry, I didn't mean anything pulling my shirt off like that... I'm so tired I forgot how weird that would be, didn't want to make you uncomfortable."

Fuyuhiko took a breath and carefully started massing Hajime’s shoulders again. “You think you’re the first guy I’ve seen shirtless?” He snorted. Yeah maybe the only other guys were in the locker room at gym but Hajime didn’t need to know that. “It’s fine.” He assured. 

“Good…” Hajime nodded, then he laughed softly to himself like he was having some private joke.

“You know there’s stuff for a bath in that gift bag if you want to relax more.” Fuyuhiko offered. “No wonder you haven’t been sleeping. You’re probably stressed as hell with all the shit that’s been going on.” 

“Shit never stops,” Hajime agreed. “I’d like a bath but I’m enjoying talking to you. I know I’m supposed to be sleeping but it’s nice to spend time with you.” He turned and rested his chin on the back of the couch, looking up at Fuyuhiko.

Fuyuhiko felt his heart flutter and put a hand over his chest to try and stop it. "Not like I'm going anywhere, we live in the same building." He mumbled. "Plus I'd.. Stick around. Anything you need, remember?"

"That's nice of you," Hajime yawned, leaning more heavily on the back of the couch. "I'd like it if you were still here when I woke up... if I ever sleep that is."

"I mean I can stay." Fuyuhiko mumbled. "Maybe it'll make you feel more at ease if you have a bodyguard." He joked, trying to ignore how much Hajime's words made him want to smile.

"Heh," Hajime chuckled. "Maybe I'll try that bath and then try this sleep thing again. You can kick around here if you want, I've got snacks you can steal."

"Nah, let me make myself useful." Fuyuhiko grabbed the bubble bath from the gift bag and headed to the bathroom before Hajime could say anything else. Rolling up his sleeves, he started the water. Once it got warm enough he let the tub fill, adding some of the bubble bath to the rising water. He actually let out a stupid giggle as a bubble hit his nose. 

He'd have to thank Peko again for letting him borrow the stuff, he knew it wasn't easy to come by nowadays.

Fuyuhiko wiped his hands dry and loosened his tie a little as he walked out to find Hajime. He was in the bedroom waiting.

 "All set for ya. Go relax, that's an order."

Hajime just stared at Fuyuhiko after his command, something unreadable in his eye. 

"You okay?" Fuyuhiko asked, mildly concerned. He reached up to press a hand to Hajime's forehead, but his hand was warm from the water so it didn't do much. He frowned. "If you think you're getting sick from lack of sleep you need to tell me."

Hajime’s knees seemed to weaken and he leaned into Fuyuhiko’s touch looking weary. 

"Woah there, don't go falling on me." Fuyuhiko wrapped his arm around Hajime's waist to help support him and brought him into the bathroom, sitting him down on the edge of the tub. He tried very hard not to be distracted by Hajime's chest, which was a losing battle. Still though he felt worried. Hajime looked exhausted and a little pale. He wondered if he should call Mikan.

Hajime seemed to take a moment to process the movement from one room to the next and eventually nodded. "Yeah. Thanks, I'm sorry... don't know what happened..."

"You're tired out of your mind is what happened." Fuyuhiko said with an unusual amount of gentleness. He pressed the back of his fingers to Hajime's cheek, looking at him with concern.

"I really am so tired..." Hajime said quietly, tears filling his eyes. He huffed and tried to scrub the tears away. "I'm going to get in the bath now," he said as he stood. 

Fuyuhiko looked almost pained as he took a step back. "Yeah... I'll uh, I'll wait out here okay?" He really didn't want to leave Hajime alone, not when he was upset and looked close to passing out. He turned and put his hand on the door, then paused. 

"Maybe I should stick around? Would hate for you to pass out in the tub and drown..." He offered softly, fully prepared to be kicked out.

"... yeah," Hajime said quietly. "Stay."

Fuyuhiko felt the tension leave his shoulders. He waited until he heard Hajime step into the water to turn back around. He undid his tie and the first few buttons of his shirt, the steam from the bath making him feel warm.

He watched as Hajime sank into the water, resting his head on the back of the tub.

"Thanks for using something like this on me," Hajime said, moving his hand through the bubbles. "I haven't done this since I was a kid."

Fuyuhiko sat on the floor, leaning back against the sink cabinet. "Yeah me neither," He smiled a little. "Peko loved the stuff when we were kids. I used to steal it for her. It was the one thing I could think to do to repay her."

"Cute." Hajime smiled. "Tiny little Robin Hood." He sank further into the tub as if to try and hide his grinning, leaning against the side.

"Fuck off I'm not tiny!" Fuyuhiko shouted on instinct, crossing his arms over his chest. He groaned a little. "Would you believe I was taller as a kid?" He shook his head slightly, annoyed at the truth and the fact he was telling it. "Was taller than Peko until she turned eight and shot up into space."

"Pretty unfair of her," Hajime replied, playing idly with the bubbles.

"I should've learned to use swords so I could cut people's legs off." Fuyuhiko grinned but it faded fast as he realized how horrible that sounded. He wondered if he actually did things like that, or ordered Peko to, leaving people to suffer in pain and despair for hours before they bled out. 

He put a hand over his mouth and looked away, suddenly feeling a bit sick.

Fuyuhiko heard the water splash as Hajime moved. "... hey, this stuff is really rare these days, I don't think I should be the only one to use it up," Hajime said suddenly, worry seeping into his tone, "You could join me..." 

"What?!" Fuyuhiko looked over at Hajime so fast he hit his head against the cabinet and swore loudly, rubbing where he'd hit. "J-join you?" His face was red and heart beating way too fast, his previous train of thought forgotten as he looked over Hajime's chest which was dripping wet.

He was so fucked.

"Whoa, are you okay?" Hajime hissed in sympathy and made a move to get up, but he seemed to think  better of it and kept a good portion of himself still concealed.

"I'm fine!" Fuyuhiko said hurriedly. He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to force himself to calm down. He was overreacting, he knew that. "Sorry, fuck just... Wasn't expecting the offer." He mumbled.

"Hey, it's cool, look." Hajime seized a nearby towel and quickly stood and wrapped it around himself. "You can just take a bath yourself, huh? I think I'm going to try to sleep."

Fuyuhiko felt... Disappointed. He shouldn't be taking advantage of Hajime in his sleep deprived state though, so it was good he supposed that he didn't jump in.

"You said you wanted me to stay with you, so I'm gonna. I don't need a bath."

Hajime shook his head. "You're so loyal... take care of yourself too." He reached out a hand to help Fuyuhiko up.

Fuyuhiko blushed and took Hajime's hand a little hesitantly. "It's not about being loyal, it's called being your friend and caring about you. Dumbass."

Hajime smiled. "You're still a sweet guy."

"Come on big guy, you really need to sleep. You're getting delusional, thinking I'm sweet." Fuyuhiko snorted and kept their hands intertwined so he could bring Hajime out to his bedroom.

Hajime seemed to have reached his limit, or at least his body had. As soon as he was close enough to the bed he collapsed onto it, not bothering to change into clothes or try to get under the covers. 

Fuyuhiko shook his head fondly. He disappeared back into the bathroom for a moment to grab another towel, which he used to dry Hajime's off to the best of his ability without moving him. Once he was done he tucked the covers around him. He watched him for a moment, seeing his body move slowly with each breath.

Fuyuhiko brought a chair over to sit at Hajime’s bedside and reached out to gently stroke his hair. 

He was grateful Hajime could finally get some sleep. 

Fuyuhiko stayed by Hajime’s side as he slept, playing around on his phone, cleaning the bathroom, keeping the blankets securely around him. 

When he heard Hajime start to rouse he got up and grabbed a glass of water which he set on the nightstand before sitting back down.

Hajime slowly opened his eyes. “Fuyuhiko…” It was the first word out of his mouth as he reached out for him. 

Fuyuhiko felt his heart stutter and he was surprised it didn't stop completely. 

He met Hajime's hand that was reaching for him and took a hold of it gently. "Sleep well princess?"

"How long?" Hajime asked, pulling Fuyuhiko's hand closer like a cat dragging a prized toy to its den.

"I'd say a good eleven hours." Fuyuhiko smiled a little at Hajime dragging his hand closer.

"And you stayed..." Hajime said happily as he pressed a kiss to Fuyuhiko's fingertips.

Fuyuhiko turned scarlet at the kiss and his heart felt ready to burst out of his chest. "W-well yeah. You asked me to, remember? Said you wanted to wake up to me or some crap..."

"Still, the whole day went by." Hajime yawned. "Mm... I could sleep more..." he admitted, squeezing Fuyuhiko's hand like he was afraid he'd leave this time.

"So sleep more, you probably need it." Fuyuhiko said gently, wondering briefly how Hajime's soft lips would feel on his.

"C'mere?" Hajime asked quietly.

Fuyuhiko slowly crawled into the bed with Hajime and hesitantly put an arm around him. He knew that feeling of desperately not wanting to be alone, of needing someone physically near. He could do this for Hajime, ignore the frantic beats of his heart and just be there for him. Hajime of all people deserved it. 

"Now get some sleep." He ordered.

Hajime let out a small sob. He curled up with his head on Fuyuhiko's chest, fingers curling in his shirt.

"Hey it's okay," Fuyuhiko wrapped his arms tighter around Hajime, feeling a surge of protectiveness. "I've got you big guy, I've got you." He knew how stressful it was to lead, and he knew his experience was nowhere on the same level to what Hajime had to do on a daily basis. Of course he was burnt out and tired. 

He wanted to ensure it never got this bad again…

"Love you..." Hajime muttered, wrapping his arms tight around Fuyuhiko.

"Love you too..." Fuyuhiko said, wondering how Hajime meant it, if he did at all or if he was still sleep deprived. 

He ran a hand through Hajime's hair, curly from sleeping with it damp.

Fuyuhiko decided, as Hajime fell back asleep in his arms, that ultimately it didn’t matter. He cared about Hajime, so he would be there for him, whenever and however he needed him. 

He pressed a soft kiss to Hajime’s forehead, and slowly drifted to sleep.

#kuzuhina #Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu #fuyuhiko kuzuryuu #hajime hinata #Dr #sdr2 #super danganronpa 2 #danganronpa #sierra posting #fic

[kawasaki-division]

Meetings and Friendships

Kosuke was pissed. Which was rare since he was usually pretty mild mannered, but he was also someone who grew up having great importance placed on studies. So after a good half hour of not getting a text from Ichiro, whom he was supposed to tutor after school, he left the classroom in a bad mood. He was now hellbent on using the other hour and a half of free time he had on finding and giving Ichiro a piece of his mind.

To any bystander, he would’ve looked like a normal high schooler walking through the streets. But looking closer, one could see how he was walking rather quickly and how his eyes darted around. An hour ticked by, but Kosuke was very persistent.

His persistence paid off.

“Mozuku’s shit! Ow! What was that for Emiko!”

“Well stop using bad words!”

“I use them all time! You’re just taking the chance to smack me cuz I’m shorter than Ichiro!”

“I am the short queen!”

“Well we can’t really disagree with what Kuko’s saying.”

Kosuke’s head snapped around when he heard Ichiro’s voice, and stormed over. The heterochromatic boy felt a chill run down his spine before turning around to see Kosuke’s burning gaze on him.

“W-wait! I can explain!-” Kosuke cut the taller boy’s words off by getting in his face, then started to rant in an eerily level voice.

“How dare you not tell me you were out with friends. I waited for a full half hour and have been looking for you ever since. Do you think I tutor you to fool around? If this was the first time I would be fine, but this is the fourth. This is for the sake of your grades. What kind of a role model would you be if dropped out of highschool?” Kosuke, despite being shorter and slimmer than Ichiro, had managed to terrify the delinquent with his fury as the other two looked on in amusement and shock.

“Hah~ Ichiro’s getting beaten by his tutor!~”

“This is not something I expected to see today.”

“I-I’m really sorry for doing this again, but please let me go Kosuke!”

The purple eyed teen let Ichiro go with a huff and took a step back, glaring.

“So, gonna introduce us Ichi?” Kosuke flinched once he remembered the other two, suddenly doing a complete one-eighty and rushing to give them an apologetic bow.

“Apologies for jumping in on your conversation. I was a bit frustrated. My name is Kosuke Furuhata!” Kuko was just lost while Emiko seemed to brush things off.

“I’m Emiko Akaibara, and this guy’s Kuko Harai! Man you were scary for a moment there.”

“He’s the scariest when he’s actually teaching.”

“Is that how to speak to the person who's helping to keep your grades up?” Kosuke said. His grave tone of voice returning.

“I have twenty minutes left until I need to head home, so  I’ll be going on my way now. We’ll have to schedule a make up session later.” Kosuke was about to leave when Kuko placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Yo, question though. Did you actually spend an hour lookin’ for this guy?”

“Yes.” Kosuke said matter of factly, weirding Kuko out even more.

“Seriously? You coulda just texted.” Ichiro informed, scratching the back of his head.

“Wait, you said you have twenty minutes right?”

“Uh, yes.” Kosuke replied to the blue eyed girl.

“Why don’t all of us chill out somewhere? Y’know, to cool down a bit?” Ichiro was a bit hesitant and voiced his opinion, or rather, his hopes.

“I think he’s busy!”

“No, I want to get to know the people who you missed four session for.”

Ichiro could only give a nervous sweat as Kuko gave him a sympathetic pat on the back.

Kosuke found himself enjoying the next hour. Yes, hour. Because he used Ichiro as an excuse with his parents (it wasn’t out of the realm of possibility after all). He even exchanged contacts with Kuko and Emiko, promising to meet up again sometime in the future.

Is this what having a group of friends is like?

Kosuke decided that he liked the warm feeling in his chest as he walked home.

--------------------

Thanks to @harajukudivision​ for letting me use their oc Emiko! Pls check them out!

#hypnosis mic #hypmic #Kosuke Furuhata #Kosuke #ichiro yamada #kuko harai #emiko akaibara #ocs

[iglooface]

Just Venting bc I'm feeling down but I'm too nervous to bother any particular person or friend bc I don't want to damper their mood bc I'm not perfect

Okay but like is this a universal experience to just be brutally compared to your siblings and peers to the point where you can't even validate yourself for any progress. I just feel like shit today bc of the effect my sister's life has on me. Throughout my highschool experience I tried so fucking hard to make my parents proud but I was never enough and I never will be honestly. But that won't stop me from subconsciously yearning for their approval and validation so I can feel just an ounce of closure in my life. I'd come home with all A's and be at the top of my class in every subject but my parents would say things like "well if you're so good then why are you in regular classes when your sister is in AP World History?" Because we all know the best way to bring up children's spirits is to break down all signs of confidence. Or if when a class got hard and I started getting B's and C's they'd lecture me about how "our family doesn't get B's and C's" and I'd get grounded instead of helped. Or the fact that I graduated nearly a whole year early because of my intensive school work but "your older sister is already moved out and married, what's your excuse" even though I was literally only 17 fucking years old.

Or how about when you were 12 or 13 and you cried and begged every day to not be sent back to school because of how viciously you were being bullied by your peers and that your teacher was verbally abusing you every day and straight up beating you most days as well. But no, you still went back bc "everybody hates school, deal with it."

How often did I need to be told to suffer silently until I just gave up? How many times did I have to be beaten and burned for having emotions until I just stopped? How many of my friends and teachers needed to die before I could no longer have reasons to allow myself to feel any emotion other than happy, helpful, and ready to serve? How is it that I went to school all thirteen years constantly bleeding, bruised, and having minimal sleep and watched the people I loved most take their lives only to outshine my sisters records and surpass every educational goal I was given only to be yelled at and constantly lectured about not being enough? Was it because I couldn't hold a job because of my health and that I was a full time highschool student? Was it because I was a "troubled" kid bc my friends dyed their hair and had piercings? Or was it that I was born a girl when my parents wanted a boy? What the fuck did I do so wrong that everyone around me saw it fit to see how far I could be pushed before I snapped and killed myself.

I can't emphasize this enough, but I was being beaten abused every day in school by a fucking teacher when I was 13. For an entire year. And no matter the toll it took on my physical, mental, and emotional health, nor how many peers it took from me, me how many times I went home exhausted and on the verge of throwing up I was just told to get over it. That I was told that if it was really that bad someone would help me. That I would be saved. Someone would notice and care. But instead I was left scared and alone and had adopted animal like behaviors to protect myself. I couldn't socialize without panicking and I hated being touched, perceived, and even talking. Three of my friends killed themselves over the treatment. And my teachers died intermittently just to add some spice. I couldn't look people in the eyes and I flinched at any movement towards me and loud sounds made me cry. I developed such a bad panic disorder that I had a panic attack so intense it sent me into full blown shock and stopped my heart for 20 seconds and I stayed blacked out for over three hours. All because I was told to get over it and suffer silently. My parents didn't care, they just wanted me quiet and low maintenance. I was treated like an animal instead of a child.

I overdosed on drugs so many times I can't even remember them all because I was hoping that maybe if I didn't wake up, even if it was just for a few hours or days, I'd be better. If I took enough chemical damage I would forget my trauma and become better. That anything I'm the damn world was better than living another day with my wretched circumstances.

And you know what happened? I got in trouble for things my sisters did.

My younger sister took and flunked spanish as a freshman. She willingly signed up for spanish 2 as a sophomore despite not wanting to. She then started throwing temper tantrums constantly and eventually spiralled into threatening to kill herself because she didn't want to take that forsaken class. And I got in trouble for it. I was told I should have told her or guided her so that she wouldn't have signed up for spanish and she would have taken literally any other fucking class available. I was in the wrong bc I was focused on my own schooling and didn't have an omnipotent control over my sister and her education schedule.

Move forward to current day, only about eight months later. My sister's coworker's friend commit suicide via train last night. I instinctively knew I'd be in trouble bc that's just how it works in my family. Despite having received no disciplinary actions last night I was still incredibly nervous because I could feel the impending danger of the situation. Once my sister was at work today my mom lectured me and yelled at me for three hours about how the co-worker's friend commit suicide and how it was bad and selfish of me to have had friends in the past who killed themselves in a time like this. That my past trauma was problematic because I couldn't undo it. That it was bad and sinful of me to even know people who committed suicide when people like my sister new people of the same circumstances. I was in trouble for someone's actions even though I didn't even have a remote relationship to the person. How dare I even have trauma when my sister is suicidal and has a coworker with a dead friend. That I should serve her hand and foot even moreso than I already do bc "she's coping" even though she literally didn't even know the guy. I'm also in trouble because if she keeps flunking her classes she has rn she's going to be forced to drop out and that will make her life harder. If you look closely with your double seeing glasses you can see the amount of bullshit they used to connect those dots.

But let me get this straight, I'm in trouble for having a rough go at school and graduating with honors and a year early and that my sister is suicidal and flunking classes she chose to take and she gets to drop out bc she can't handle the consequences of her own fucking decisions. Yeah. Cuz that makes sense. Child 2 is in trouble bc Child 3 acts irrationally.

Maybe it's the lack of any form of emotional release, maybe it's the pent up rage and anger and depression that I've built up in the last thirteen years, but not a damn thing makes sense there

[fuzzbuns]

Im in a bad mood because american education system is hell so im gonna ramble about stuff no one cares about for that sweet serotonin aka atsutodo* tho really just Mr Atsushi... Sir Joned arbuck-

*?... like i mean its lowkey atsutodo i will not front but realistically speaking im just gonna talk about thier relationship and whether you see it as platonic or not it is up to you but like just know in my minds eye MY GOD these bitches GAY.... good for them tho... good for them

I just legit don’t understand people who either think/ characterize atsushi as someone who is mean or doesn’t like todomatsu. Like the only person who legitimately should ever feel that way is totty but we will get there. like, i get not everyone stans atsushi and has been following him ever since that one tweet after ep 22 where he is shown baking a totty themed meal (srsly look at this. the second i saw this tweet back in like 2016 i was like “oh i love this dude”)

LIKE.... LOOK AT THAT.......

Ok so back to the point : like i get most people do not care to keep up with the guy who had 19 seconds of screen time in ep 22 LIKE I GET THAT but literally the very second you look at his characterization in literally anything it is just so clear that he genuinely likes totty and seeks out his company!

And like i know some people saw how totty reacted to him in the movie and went “uh.” But you guys are literally forgetting that todomatsu is a matsuno.... plus totty literally tried to maul his own siblings? IDK to me it just kinda shows to todomatsu clearly feels close enough to atsushi in order to treat him like his siblings because totty is the kind of person who values what people think of him (including atsushi. In ep 7 season 2 he literally is apologizing to atsushi even when atsushi isnt even there which means he clearly cares about whether he is on good terms with him or not) so like....? If he really didnt like atsushi he just wouldnt hange out with him. He just got pissed off,,,, not very deep. Plus atsushi didnt even react.... which to me is just like.... he is close enough to totty to know he is dramatic and is use to having totty be a drunk menace to society. Also? People think he was being mean with the whole ‘neetville’ thing WHICH LIKE..... WHAT ABOUT IT.... like im not even convinced he meant it like that but even if he did, he is just teasing them....it really not that deep..... it is one negative interaction out of the many postitive ones they have had and its is mostly totty who is making a stink (which is a common theme.... BUT THAT DOESNT MEAN HE HATES ATSUSHI WE WILL GET THERE)

Back to atsushi, i feel like seeing him in highschool made me kinda get his character more (tho its just my interpretation so idk. I literally do not know how they characterize him in tabi or the spin off because i just havent seen translations for that stuff? Tho i know i heard that in one of the tabi events he was in people said he was nice to totty (aka he was a good guy... like we have known this.) but thats like.. it.) We barely see him talk! He is super quiet! Which is... going back to the last part.... kind makes the lines he has make sense? I feel like he isnt really the best at taking the lead in conversations and isnt really even that good of a conversationalist but he knows what people what to hear so he just says that and it usually works out fine? Like he can fake it well, like when i write a paper and think “idk what im talking about” and then i get it back and the prof is like “wow..... this was.... breathtaking...” like thanks my head is empty! idk if that makes sense but he just seems like the kind of person who was forced to get good at conversing when he finished highschool in order to network and shit but like deep down he would rather not. Like he is friendly! He has friends and he likes being with them but i feel like if it was up to him he would be a bit more reserved. And the fact he likes totty kinda speaks to this?

Before we get to that i should probably prove he likes totty but i feel like it is so obvious i shouldnt have to..... he set totty up with the girls in ep 7, he apparently goes to the gym with totty every now and then and like. Looks forward to it. The hesowars sprite where he is waving totty as if totty was some kind of celebrity (in front of the girls who clearly dont want to see him. Like atsushi is so oblivious to the fact the atmosphere is awkward because he is too busy being.... gay??? Sorry homies i decided it is gay.) also the offical art of totty and atsushi on a totally-not-a-date.... even if you take the subjective gay subtext i put on there off its still obvious atsushi and totty hang out and atsushi puts effort in in order to do so. I feel like the fact he is still in touch with totty after highschool speaks to just how much effort atsushi put in to keep him around because lets be 100%. Todomatsu seems like a NIGHTMARE to actually have a stable friendship that lasts more than a year with. This is the guy who literally does not get the concept of friendship... and yet here atsushi is.....very much being his friend

I feel like unless you are someone who is very good at reading inbetween the lines/a good listener, it would be impossible to be todomatsus friend just because of the front he puts up. I honestly think since they are highschool friends, totty doesnt put up as much of a front with atsushi cuz like... he saw totty at his most baby..... like you cant come back from that. But totty puts up fronts even with his own siblings so he definitely still has to put up some kind of front with atsushi. So i think atsushi being this quiet kid in highschool gave him the skills to deal with totty. I KNOW THAT SOUNDS MEAN I PROMISE I LOVE TOTTY IM JUST BEING REALISTIC. when you arent doing the talking and you are just listening and taking in what people are saying you start to pick up on a lot of little things. And because atsushi knows what totty was like in highschool i feel like he genuinely understands todomatsu as a person. Like totty can act self assured and dismissive but we (and atsushi) know that deep down he really craves affection and validation. Which is why atsushi sticks around with him and even goes as far as setting him up on dates. Atsushi is a quiet dork at heart. I will not budge on this.

So like where does the asshole rich man idea of atsushi even come from?? Because atsushi isnt really like that (tho i will admit it is very funny... rich asshole atsushi is very funny i can not lie)? The line about him having a car never came off as snobbish to me tbh it just seems awkward (like you know... a quiet kid who is forced to converse). Remember how i said we would come back to that? We are finally doing it. Todomatsu matsuno has too many insecurities and he projects them on the people around him. Notice how we always see atsushi from todomatsu perspective! Totty see atsushi as the guy who always one ups me and takes girls from me.... the guy who said neetville,,,, the guy who likes to look down on commoners..... but .... totty isnt a reliable narrator. Todomatsu has a hard time seeing other people as being genuine because he himself cant be genuine. So when atsushi hangs around him, he assumes that he must be looking down on him, because why else would someone like atsushi wanna be around someone like totty :( (i suggest “because he is gay” but like-) i think totty genuinely likes atsushi but he is so self sabotaging that he cant accept the idea that anyone who knows who he is could ever want to connect with him so he tries to keep atsushi at a distance and lashes out whenever atsushi unknowingly proves his warped perspection of him (an asshole rich guy) right because the idea of someone using ur misery as entertainment is upsetting to say the least.

Its 2020 and i cant believe i just rambled about atsutodo but i was thinking about atsushi recently plus...... i dont keep up with the oso fandom but i saw shit about people who thought atsutodo was.... bad??? And like I genuinely just cant see how you could get to that conclusion? It doesnt have to be ur thing but to reach and say its somehow “Problematic” ??????? The only messy thing about it is just totty being a matsuno like..... atsushi is genuinely such a chill guy i just... its not clicking for me.

Anyway atsushi is a dork man. Quiet highschool kid rep. Coconut head king. jon arbuckle. And if he wants to hold hands with todomatsu matsuno?? Who am i to stop him.... insert image of fma love is love thumbs up

In fact after all the effort he has put in? He deserves to hold his hand..... AND TOTTYS HAND DESERVES TO BE HELD/??/

Ok i have work to do bye

#fuzzy rambles #im suppose to be writing an paper on stress #but i got so stressed thinking about it i decided to talk about atsutodo like a loser #also forgot to eat dinner so im gonna do that

[two-calicos-in-a-trenchcoat]

CW: transphobia, homophobia. Also pretty long and I'm on mobile so I cant put a read more thing on it.

Ok so this is kind of a personal post so if you don't wanna hear about some of my personal drama, just scroll along. But I feel like I need to get this shit on record somewhere since I don't have the screenshots of the texts this is concerning anymore.

So a little over a year ago, I told the person who'd been my best friend, we'll call her E, since I was about 9 that I didnt want to be friends with her anymore. More on that later.

Back in senior year of high school I started thinking I might be Bi. I brought this up to E and she was super dismissive right off that bat. Saying that I wasnt, sounding like she was trying to console me. Like being Bi was this awful thing that I needed to worry about.

Well fast forward about a year and a half and I went up to my college with her so I could do new student orientation since I was starting the next semester. This is when the fact that I was Bi sort of smacked me in the face because the girl doing my orientation was super hot. I immediately knew I wouldnt be telling E that.

Fast forward to march of 2017. Its spring break. I've reconnected with my high school friends. I've never felt the need to hide my sexuality from them and they were instantly nothing but supportive of me. We never really hung out outside of school back in high school (or in elementary school either in Eric's case.) I start realizing that I've been having more fun with them then I ever did with E. And I finally had people to geek out about sciencey stuff with because E doesnt believe in science but eric LOVES science. It was nice.

Well a couple weeks after spring break me and Es mutual friend Althea asked me to drive her to the shelter so she could get her boyfriends cat fixed (it's way cheaper there then at the vet) and spent the day hanging out with her because she WAS planning to walk back there to pick up the cat afterwards and I was like "uh no. I'm not gonna make you walk across town by yourself." So I finally got to meet her boyfriend. Well that afternoon E came and picked me up to go up to the KU campus to get some more bus passes to go to our college in KC because our school was out of bus passes and didnt know when theyd get more.

Here's when I kinda started to realize I should maybe get out of this friendship. On the way to campus E starts telling me about her day at school and how "theres a girl that used to be a guy in one of my teachers other classes. It's making me uncomfortable."

Me: "that sounds like a you problem, E."

Now I knew she kind of thought that way already. She may not have said shit like that around our other friends but I had to hear it a lot. But because I'm pretty nonconfrontational and she was my only close friend outside of school and I was terrified of being alone, I usually just ignored it or politely debated her about it but generally just agreed to disagree. This was the first time I ever decided to speak up to her about it. Unfortunately I couldnt say much cuz her mom was the one driving us and i knew she agreed with everything E said.

But I'd been hanging out with althea and her boyfriend (who just so happened to be trans) all morning so suddenly having to hear E talk about how uncomfortable trans people make her got me more fired up than usual.

After this I slowly started distancing myself from her. I'd been hoping for a few years that she'd grow up and accept that not everyone is like her and try to be more open minded and accepting of people. Apparently that wasnt happening.

I stopped responding to her texts as often. I was trying to think of a way to talk to her about it but all my past friendships that fell apart, did so naturally and on a silent mutual agreement. So I was half hoping that would happen. Pretty stupid. Dont recommend. Just be straight with people.

After a few months of me only answering her texts every once in a while, she decided to start calling me multiple times a week. Often while I was at work. Sometimes from her mom and sisters phones when I wouldnt answer from her number. Idk y she thought that would work. She knows I hate talking on the phone.

I still didnt know what to say to her. I probably should've just told her I needed some space and she might've backed off for awhile so I could figure it out. But subway stressed me tf out. And i have no idea how you're supposed to end a relationship with your best friend of over 10 years.

(Also some of my other reasons for not wanting to be friends with her were specifically because of althea and I didnt want althea to get dragged into it. Unfortunately it ended up happening anyways. But basically back in highschool, if we were planning for all four of us (me, e, althea, and nikki) to get together, and nikki would have something come up, E would tell althea our get together was cancelled but would still have me come over and then made me promise not to say anything to althea about it.)

Around march or april of last year I blocked her family's numbers. This is when they started showing up at my work. The first time it happened I had a long ass line and was helping my coworker get through it before I left. Her sister came in by herself and just asked how I was doing but left pretty quick after she got her sandwich since it was busy. A couple more times they came and just parked outside like they were waiting for me to get off my shift but ended up leaving. The last time it happened E came in while I was there alone and I really didnt wanna have THAT conversation while i was at work alone and her crazy overprotective mom was out in the car waiting for her. So i made her sandwich very quickly so i could get her out as fast as I could.

I was planning on finally talking to her around the end of april but was still having trouble figuring out what to say.

Unfortunately any plan I had to let her down easy was sort of thrown out the window on may 13th of last year.

My mom texted me that morning about how she got a weird call from Es aunt. On her work phone. This is basically how that call went:

"IS THIS OLIVIAS MOM?????"

My mom, suddenly worried it's my work and something happened to me, "Yes?"

"Why isnt olivia talking to E anymore?"

"............I dont know."

So that kind of crossed a line for me. It really freaked my mom out.

I'm bad at articulating my thoughts when I'm mad or stressed out tho. So my friend Alice ended up writing out the text for me and I read through it to make sure it was ok.

Basically it said "I'm sorry but I dont think we can be friends anymore. The way you talk about the LGBT+ community makes me extremely uncomfortable, especially seeing as I am bisexual and have several friends in the community. The way you used to exclude althea from hanging out with us because you think shes annoying and then expect me to lie to her about it makes me uncomfortable. It was inappropriate to show up at my work unannounced to corner me into talking to you when I needed space. And it was even more inappropriate for your relatives to call my mom at work. I'm sorry I didnt say something sooner but I'm tired of pretending I'm ok with everything you've said over the years."

Then her mom texts me. I dont remember all of it but the gist was "you're a horrible person. E never judged you or anyone else (sure, miss "gay people are gross. I can see how conversion therapy might work." Totally isnt judging anyone and 100% cares about the lgbt+ community.) The only reason she did those things is because she was worried about you."

Then E left me a voicemail that I couldnt understand at all cuz she was crying and I felt terrible even tho everyone was telling me I shouldn't. Now I probably should've taken out the part about althea because it effectively threw my "not wanting to get althea involved" plan out the window. Honestly what really pissed me off about this next part both made me pissed at E but also at myself. E removed herself from the group chat I had with her, nikki, and althea. Blocked althea on Facebook and blocked her number. Didnt bother to explain why. I still feel terrible about this even tho althea has told me many times that it's fine and if she'd had to pick a side she wouldve picked mine. But I still felt like she at least deserved an explanation.

Alice told me to screenshot the texts. I almost didn't cuz I just wanted to forget about all this. But I did.

Anyways life moved on. Eric got a new phone and gave me his beat up galaxy s7. I stuck my s6 into a drawer and let it die and forgot about it.

Then on new years I got a call from althea. Not weird at all. She calls me every major holiday and birthday. Shes done this every year since junior year of high school.

Normal phone call at first. But then she says that her mom has been talking to E's mom. Apparently E's mom told altheas mom that I told E that althea hates her and thinks shes a terrible person and that's why E hasnt been talking to althea. Althea of course didnt believe that but wanted me know about it. This prompted me to try and charge up my old phone and get the screenshots off of it. I had it plugged in for a couple of days and it never turned back on. So that's out apparently.

That's also why I felt the need to get all of this written down. It may not be as great as having the actual screenshots but I'm bad at articulating my thoughts when confronted so I want to have something written down in case any of this comes up again.

#cw: transphobia #cw: homophobia #i needed to get this out while i could actually put it into words #this is the first time in a while that i actually can #personal #homophobia #transphobia #i never post stuff like this so hopefully im tagging it right

[strayneoculturekids]

Bad Boy!Lucas x Good Girl!Reader

Summary: You went to a prestigious private school. For some reason, the desk next to you always remained empty. But you knew there was someone meant to be there. At first, you thought maybe he had a disease or broken bone that he had to miss class for, but as you hear rumors flit round, you learn that he’s actually skipping. You had no idea as to how he hasn’t been expelled yet.

Highschool AU, bad boy AU, enemies to lovers AU

Genre: Angst (kinda but not really cuz I'm bad at angst) with fluff at the end

Warnings: A bit of sexual harassment (not from Lucas obv), violence/fighting (not graphic)

You looked up from your notebook, momentarily distracting yourself from your class studies to glance at the desk beside you. Empty. Like usual. Every single other desk was filled, and not just in your class, in everyone else’s class as well. There wasn’t a single mistake in this school’s system, it would be bad for reputation.  So you knew that someone was meant to be there, sitting next to you. But there never was.

In the midst of your thinking, the bell for the end of the day rang, snapping you back to reality. You slightly shook your head, getting the unnecessary thoughts out of your system and started to pack up your things.

As you left the classroom and got out of the building to walk through the ridiculously large, green grounds of your school, you heard a name that caught your attention. Wong Yukhei. The name that was always called out by your teacher and the only name to never get a response. You started to listen more closely.

“What about him?” said one of the girls in the group

“I heard that he never shows up to class. Ever” Whispered another

“He skips,” said the other, a boy this time

The two girls stared at him in shock.

“Apparently his dad and the principle are super close, so he gets away with anything” Whispered the boy again

After that, you were well out of hearing range from them, the voices fading out. Now, you were never one to eavesdrop but that conversation you had just heard made you a bit more aware. It didn’t take you long to come to realize that Wong Yukhei- or Lucas as he was more commonly called- was the talk of the school. The only boy that had missed more than three days of class. He didn’t just miss only 4 days though, he missed every. Single. One.

Granted, it was still near the start of the school year, maybe he just got an injury over the holidays and wasn’t able to come to school. But the more the rumors flitted around the school, the more they got into your head, and the more you started believing them.

Now, maybe you were making too big a deal of it, he was just missing school. The thing is, it astounded you how he hadn’t been expelled yet. A few conversations even told you that he had never even been called to the principles office either.

You finally made it to the library, surprised at how much you learned just by listening in on a few conversations you would normally stay out of. You went to the front desk, filled out a form for a seminar room and went down to plop your things in the private, sound-proof room.

You were one of the smartest in the school. In fact, not one of the smartest, the second smartest actually. The school had a total of around 3500 students all ranging from kindy to year 12. And you were the second smartest in the entire school. What really itched you was that you were only second. Always second. There was always that one name above yours, irritating you.

You had never taken the time to look at the name, too consumed by the frustration of always placing behind one single person. Today though, you opened your laptop and went to your school’s website, checking the leader-board. What you saw, surprised you. To say the very least.

Wong Yukhei. (A/N: I know Lucas isn’t that smart but bear with me guys)

You blinked a few times.

“No,” you say out loud to yourself “That's- there’s no way! He hasn’t come to a single day of school!”

Suddenly, jealousy worked its way into your systems. How could he be that smart without attending class at all?! Did he only come to school to take tests or something?! You looked over to his picture, He was even ridiculously good-looking?! How the hell is that fair?!

You took a deep breath in and regained control of your thoughts. Just as you picked up your book to start studying and try to leave the jealousy behind you, you heard an overwhelmingly loud laugh. You paused your actions, the loud noise jump-scaring you for a second.

“I thought these rooms were sound-proof,” You said, looking outside the glass room to see, you guessed it, Wong Yukhei

You blinked a few times. He was ever more handsome in real life, a blush threatened to creep its way onto your face but you managed to suppress it by remembering why you looked over in the first place. His loud ass, obnoxious as hell, laugh.

You cracked open the door to the seminar room, he and the other two boys with him, one of them who you recognized to be Kun, also one of the smartest in the school and the other, Chenle, the smartest middle-schooler, with grades that is- definitely not with logic- all looked over to you at the crack of the door opening.

You greeted Kun and Chenle, giving them a warm smile which they returned. You then turned your attention to Lucas, scowling a bit.

“Lucas, I can hear you from inside the seminar room. Loudly. If you wouldn’t mind, can you try to keep it down?” You say, trying to be as nice as possible, still salty about his amazing grades and ridiculously good looks.

“Ah,” He said, smiling brightly and rubbing the back of his neck cutely “Sorry about that,”

You flushed bright red, astounded at how adorable he was. “whatever” you muttered before closing the door again and getting back to studying.

The days went by and you noticed Lucas around the school a bit more, never in class though. His uniform was always out of place, hair disheveled, and somehow you managed to find a new bruise or scratch on his face every-time you saw him.

You’d had a few tests since your first meeting with him. Since then, you’d been studying your ass off, trying to surpass him.

It was the end of the day and you went to the library to study, like always. You opened your laptop and checked the leader-board, not expecting anything different. To your surprise- and joy- you and Lucas were now tying. You smiled widely, glad you had finally moved forward.

Just then, you saw Lucas walk past you, giving you a bit of a side-eye, which surprised you, to say the least. He may have been a trouble-maker, but he had never been hostile towards you. Was he salty that you two were tying? The thought of that being the case made you giddy, you were finally beginning to get ahead of him.

The next day came, and so did Lucas. He sat down in every single class. He did it for the next day, and the next, and so on. Soon enough, Lucas was once again on top of you as the smartest in the school.

He smirked smugly at you when he saw you expression drop when you checked your laptop.

“Oh. It’s on.” you mouthed back to him, squinting

Lucas chuckled a bit at this, completely up for the challenge.

Weeks passed and you and Lucas were constantly battling, the leaderboard switching both your places every time new results were up.

It was once again the end of the school day, and you had gone to the library like usual, what seemed off though is that Lucas wasn’t there like he normally was. It confused you but you disregarded it, focusing on your studying.

Due to your parents’ schedule, you had to walk home today that is, after assuring your family’s butler that you didn’t need him to pick you up, you knew he had other work to attend to.

It was quite late by now, which you knew would happen. So you brought pepper spray and a pocket knife just in case, you were deeply hoping you weren’t gonna have to use either of them.

Just as you had started walking along a deserted street, you hear footsteps behind you. shit shit shit shit shit was the only thing running through your mind. You gripped on the pepper spray inside your pocket and sped up your pace, soon breaking into a run. When you did, you heard the footsteps behind you also get faster and faster. They were getting closer with every step and you were hyper-aware of it.

Just as they were about a meter behind you, you spun around and sprayed the pepper spray, dropping your bag, you turned to run, not looking at the man’s face. He seemed to be in his late 20′s. Going after a high-school girl. Disgusting.

“Argh! Little shit!” You heard him yell, then start running after you, you shut your eyes tight, heart beating at a million beats a second, tears starting to form in your eyes from fear.

The man eventually caught up to you, grabbing the back of your uniform. You wriggled, trying to break free, tears openly spilling from your eyes now. He turned you to face him, you could practically feel his horrific breath on your face.

“no..please...” you say, desperate, trying to get away

Before he could come any closer, a figure from the side appeared, knocking the man off of you. Your eyes widened as he was tackled to the ground.

“Lucas?!” You shouted, finally recognizing the person that saved you

Lucas didn’t respond, saving his energy for the fight with the older man. You stared, hands coming to your mouth.

“Fucking- run!” Lucas shouted to you

“But-”

“Just go damnit!”

Not needing to be told a third time, you ran away from the fight, hearing his grunts in the back.

After a few minutes of running, you made it to your home and realization setting in that you just left Lucas alone to fight a 20-something-year-old. You immediately regretted your decision. Running into your rather large house, your butler stood at the door waiting for you. You grabbed his shoulders surprising him.

“THERE WAS THIS GUY FOLLOWING ME AND THEN HE ATTACKED ME BUT SOMEONE FROM MY SCHOOL SAVED ME AND I JUST LEFT HIM ALONE TO FIGHT WHAT DO I DO?!?!” You shouted at him

After your loud and very quick explanation of what you had just gone through, your butler’s eyes widened and he immediately went to call the police, telling you to stay calm.

A few hours had passed and still no news. You were sitting in your room, stressing over every single little thing. A knock on your door brought you back.

“Y/N,” called your butler “Someone is here to see you”

You immediately opened your door, opening it to see Lucas and your butler, Lucas covered in blood, bruises, and scratches. You gasped, the sight in front of you bringing you to tears.

“You forgot something,” Lucas said, holding out your bag for you with a smile

By this time, your butler had already left and Lucas had invited himself into your room.

Before anything else could be said, you enveloped Lucas in a hug, starting to cry into his chest. He rubbed your back soothingly, telling you it was ok now.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left you there- I should’ve stayed and-”

“no” Lucas cut you off “There was no way I’d let you fight anyways. It’s not your fault. Anyone would be scared if they were put in your position. You were sexually harassed, you could’ve been raped if I didn’t show up when I did. Don’t ever be sorry for being scared in that type of situation.”

His words made you cry even more. You dropped to your knees, Lucas dropping with you, still holding you tightly.

“It’s ok now. It’s ok” he reassured “I’m here. I’ll protect you”

BONUS

You snuggled deeper into Lucas, loving his warm and comforting embrace.

“Remember when we used to fight over which one of us was smarter?” He asked, laughing a bit

“Yep.” You said “good times, good times”

“I like it better when we get along.” He said “Dating you is better than battling you, no matter how good of an opponent you are”

You smiled, nodding your head and closing your eyes before drifting to sleep in Lucas’ safe and comforting arms.

#lucas #wong yukhei #nct lucas #nct yukhei #nct #nct imagines #nct fluff #nct angst #lucas imagines #lucas fluff #lucas angst #kpop imagines #kpop fluff #kpop angst #yukhei imagines #yukhei fluff #yukhei angst

[anarchist-puppet-on-strings]

Stories Worth Telling

SUMMARY: Jackie only said yes to this interview in hopes of getting people to hate him less.

TW - VERY BRIEF MENTION OF PEDOPHILIA

Jackie’s nervous. He hopes to any higher being that may hear this that he doesn’t look as anxious as he feels. When people see him from afar they see someone calm and collected, a joke or witty comment at the ready. He prays this interview doesn’t reveal what a dorky mess he actually is to the public.

He watches with vague interest as the reporter he’d saved a week ago—Danny—got ready. A notebook was pulled out of her bag, pencil pulled from behind her ear, phone opened to the voice memo app and set on the table between them…. It seems like she really thought this whole thing through huh. Maybe she knew he'd say yes.

He fidgeted uncomfortably. He'd never done this sort of thing before. He’s talked to few people for extended amounts of time as Jackieboy Man and that was to calm a few victims, most being children—this is a journalist. The voice in his mind told him he'd mess this all up and make even more people hate him. Oddly enough, that thought is scarier than some criminals he's fought.

The phone sitting on the table, ready to record their whole conversation is more like a viper than a phone at this point. It stares at him like it’s waiting for him to fuck up once.

“Alrighty then looks like we're nearly ready!” Danny chirped happily. “I’m going to start recording our conversation—if that's okay with you,” she said, shooting him a questioning glance.

Against his better judgement, he swallowed and nodded nervously.

She tapped the screen and suddenly the interview had begun.

“So Jackieboy Man—can I call you Jackie?”

He nodded before catching his mistake. “Err yeah. Go for it.”

“Great,” she said absentmindedly, flipping through her small notebook. “First off: why’d you agree to this interview? You’ve shied away from reporters before.”

His mind blanked and he’s left struggling to pick out coherent thoughts. “Uh, well, I was kinda hoping this would clear up some questions people might have about me? I dunno, make them hate me less? And you seem less demanding and invasive than the other ones who’ve asked.”

She hummed, glancing up at him with a soft smile as she scribbled something down and flipped back a few pages. “What makes you think people hate you?”

He scoffed. “Oh please, I’ve seen the looks I get. And I can hear all the rumors.”

Someone started something saying he’s a leader of some new gang or something. While it’s kinda amusing, it hurts his fragile reputation of being the new hero in the city. Enough people didn’t trust him as it was and he didn’t need some stupid rumor messing things up even worse than they already were.

“Well, what you’re doing is illegal,” she pointed out dryly, giving him a look that he’s all too familiar with. Stay in your lane; it’s not your job. That look always pissed him off.

Jackie couldn’t help but bark a sardonic laugh, leaning back in his chair and closing his eyes. “Yeah, well, the cops aren’t doing shit, so I’m steppin’ up instead.”

Perhaps he shouldn’t have said that because now her interest is peaked. Her hazel eyes were glittering in excitement as she leaned forward.

“Ah, I’m sorry; that was uncalled for-”

“No, no,” she said eagerly. “Go ahead. What’re your opinions on the cops?”

Relax, Jay; this is an interview. It’s all about you. You’re not gonna get in trouble… yet.

“Well, I don’t really needta tell anybody how corrupt this city’s justice system is. All I see when I turn on the news is about how some cop abused their power and aren’t gettin’ charged blah blah blah.” Now that he’s clearly listening to himself, he realized how bitter and… sad he sounded.

“It happens pretty often,” Danny noted, pencil scratching against paper.

“Christ, it’s like this happens every few weeks!” He complained, running a hand down his face and over his mask. “It’s stupid! I mean, it’s not hard to be a good person!”

“Is that why you’re doing this?” She cut in. “Because of all the corruption?”

“Well, yeah, why else would I be doin’ all this shit?” He asked. “I have a job and stuff to do. Why would I want to be doin’ something I don’t needta be doin’?”

“People can argue that you don’t have the right to do that. There’s law enforcement after all.”

“Technically we just talked about why we can’t trust the cops but I’ll humor you. Ya can’t just sit around, twiddling your thumbs while you wait for someone to stop the people everyone put in power cuz nobody’s gonna stop them. Sometimes ya have to step up and be karma.”

“That’s… that’s quite the statement. Very raw.”

Jackie hummed.

Silence fell for a minute until Danny spoke again. “A while ago, one of my coworkers caught a video of you stumbling into an alley after a gunfight between two gangs when she arrived on the scene. Did you get hurt?”

Shrugging helplessly, he glanced down at the ground. ”Maybe.”

“Do you… do you get hurt often?” She asked. To Jackie’s disbelief, he heard genuine concern in her voice.

“I mean, yeah… not too often for bad injuries but normally scrapes and bruises here and there every night.” He chuckled. “Most the minor ones are my fault anyways. I’m not exactly graceful.”

More writing.

“Aren’t you scared?” She asked.

“Of what?”

“Getting hurt.”

“Oh, nah, not really,” he said dismissively. “What happens happens. I just brush it off and keep going.”

“Do your family and friends know you’re doing this?” She asked.

He blinked. “What?”

She repeated the question.

“Uh—no. I don’t have any family or friends.” It slipped out before he could stop it.

The look he received was of pure pity. He hated it.

Danny tapped her pencil against the edge of the table, watching as his leg bounced up and down.

“So… tell me about your spray painting.”

“Uhm, what d’ya wanna know?” His brows furrowed. Of all the things she could’ve asked, she asked about that?

She hummed. “Well, what’s with all the messages? You have some pretty meaningful ones plastered across the walls.”

Trying to recall any only resulted in a jumble of memories. All he could really remember is the fumes of paint and the dark shielding him from prying eyes.

“Which ones? I’ve done a lot.”

She flipped through her notes again and pulled out a few pictures stuck between some pages. A bright green eyeball with the optic nerve hanging down with a blue iris and a black pupil was present in every picture but...

Danny spoke before he could examine them of them close enough. “‘Don’t tell me what you want to be; tell me what you want to do.’”

He shrugged. “It’s always what d’ya wanna be when you grow up. I think what you’re gonna do is much more important.”

She furrowed her brows while nodding before moving onto the next one.

“‘Respect existence or expect resistance,’” she read aloud.

“I think that’s pretty self explanatory.”

She gave him a patient smile. “Tell me anyway.”

Jackie sighed heavily. “People don’t respect one another and then suddenly everyone is surprised when others start to say something about it or try to do something. It’s hypocritical.”

Once he made it clear he wasn’t going any further, she continued down the line. “‘Smile because you’re loved.’”

That one made him smile slightly. It’s one of his favorites. “I think reminders are nice. People always have someone who cares, even if they don’t think so.”

She stared at him for a moment before smiling gently. “That’s a nice message.”

“Yeah, I wish people told each other more often.”

“‘Stop being silent.’” She tapped the mute button drawn next to the phrase.

He stared her in the eyes. “Citizens have power. They’re just not using it. They’re trying to scare us into silence and it’s working. We need to do something.

“‘How many have to die?’” She turned the paper towards herself and rattled off, “‘Charlie Unger, Hailey Davis, Michael Crow, Thomas Marsh, Cale Sanders, Macy Parish, Gail Sullivan…’ and there’s many more. These are names of protesters.”

“And people who the cops killed,” Jackie added steelily.

“Why those names?”

“People have argued whether some of these people were “good” or not, but here’s the thing: most of them were children. I know Macy was 16 and the others were mainly older highschool or college students. You can say they were adults but they were still in school. They had things they’ll never get to do now, and they’re not getting their justice. It isn’t fair.”

Danny’s silent as she slid the picture back into her bag. She turned her attention on the next one. “‘Divided we stand, united we fall.’ This is pretty similar to the American motto.”

“Mmm it’s switched around.”

“Why this one? Are you bashing America?”

“Nope,” he said, popping the p. “I’m bashing this city. We all have our differences, opinions, and stories, and we let those define us. But when we fall down, we fall together. We have the same fate eventually. We stand divided but we fall united.”

She hummed again (she did that a lot). “What about this one? ‘Always watching?’”

“I don’t remember doing that one.”

Danny frowned. “It has your calling card by it. Or, at least, what looks like it.”

He frowned, turning the picture to face him. The words were jagged and sloppy with little care for how it appeared. But the eye by the words was… wrong. It was black with a combined neon green iris and pupil. It looked… ominous.

“That’s not mine,” he said. He picked it up, trying to figure out where this was. “Do you know where this is?”

She reached over and plucked the photo out of his hand and flipped it over.

In scrawling letters it read: 65830 Detroit Boulevard

Drumming his fingers on his leg, he hummed.

“Can I, ah, take a picture of this?” He asked, flipping it back over and staring at the cryptic words.

“Go ahead.”

Pulling his phone out of his pocket, he snapped a picture of the graffiti. He copied the address into the notes app before turning it off and putting it away. He slid the photo back to her so she could shuffle them back into her notebook.

She cleared her throat after a minute and continued. “Your latest stunt caused some controversy. People say you have no right to reveal people’s personal information like you did.”

“I’d say those rights are forfeited when you’re caught doin’ illegal things.”

“So it can be argued that your rights are forfeited as well?” She pointed out, jabbing her pencil at him.

He shrugged again. “I mean, yeah, sure.”

The answer must’ve let Danny down. “You’re pretty nonchalant about all this.”

He smiled. “Well, at least I know where my morals lie. I’m happy to say I’m not on the deep web watching little kids like McCallister was.”

At the mention of that, she became uncomfortable. “Why’d you reveal that information to the public?”

Jackie grinned. “Because he couldn’t be left off the hook with the whole city angry, no matter how corrupt the cops are. Even if he escapes criminal charges—which I doubt—people’ll throw him outta office. You have ta get people’s attention for them to listen.”

“I… I think that’s enough for now…” She said weakly.

“Oh? Am I free to go?” He asked.

She shoved her notebook into her bag and picked up her phone. “Sure, just give me some contact info, so I can get in touch to ask follow up questions.” It sounded like she didn’t realize what she’s saying. Contact info from a hero? Psssh.

He laughed as he made his way to the open window. “Nah, you’ll see me around. Just holler.”

“Hey! Wait!” She sputtered.

It’s too late—he’d already swung his legs over the windowsill and dropped down onto the fire escape.

Danny rushed to the window and peered out, watching him vault over the railing and drop into the darkness of the alleyway. She sighed, phone clutched in her hand. She looked at the new recording named by the date and time. “Oh well, at least I have this.”

This would be the biggest story since Jackie’s appearance—maybe even bigger! She could feel it.

(A/N) I’VE WORKED ON THIS FOR  D A Y S  AND IT’S FINALLY DONE!!!

Tag list: @assbutt-of-the-readers, @stuck-in-a-l-o-o-p, @bloodsoakedheretic 

#anarchist tries to write #let me help pick up the pieces #jacksepticeye #jse fanfiction #jackieboy man #firecracker #danny de luna #character analysis #swearing #anxiety #vandalism #vigilante #brief mention of past injuries #interview #corrupt politicians #corrupt police

[id-never-letyoudown]

A Muse List

Wilford Warfstache: reality warping semi-madman. He goes through time and just rolls with the punches. Knows at least a dozen alternate versions of the same person. Makes multiverse ships technically canon. Sometimes he forgets which timeline he's in and acts like a kid who fell asleep in the car and woke up in bed. Kinda OP, but I I'll discuss anything big with the other mun beforehand. For now it's just small stuff. -tagged: pink stache whiplash

Dark: literally watch Damien. Only this Damien had ties to the mafia, which Celine was heavily against. Also Damien and Will had a romantic relationship, highschool sweethearts, promise ring. Then Damien started running for mayor, Wil met Celine, feels were had. (ps: he's got both sets of genitalia, cuz everyone forgets.) -tagged: 3d dream

Fordwil Stachewarf: started as a joke of a bizarro!Wil and now, welp, here he is. He's a manipulative green haired asshole. A creep. He does not "roll with the punches", if one version of you likes him then he will expect all of them to, and he will take. Stuff with him can get hella triggery so I don't use him often. He's a total hardass. -tagged: green jerk

Chase: ha, an average bro. Trickshots. Memes. Bad puns and scraped knees. Anxiety ridden and depressed. Tries to drink away the pain. Also he's a werewolf and used to have hella bad anger issues, they have gotten better, but when it's that time of the month it's easy for him to slip. -tagged: sad awoo

Dr. Iplier: ;A; after losing his V-card to his highschool sweetheart who was moving away, three months later when he tries to break it off, she tells him she's pregnant. So they have a shotgun wedding. Also his family disowned him for this. He had to balance college, a job, and financially caring for his long distance, pregnant, wife. The boy was stressed, and he vented to her. Very next day she says she lost the baby. And ol' doc blamed himself. They've been married since, and whenever he brought up separating she would bring up the baby. He hired a PI who uncovered that there never was a baby to begin with, so now he's just "fuck you, fuuuuck yoooou." Now he's trying to get her to divorce him so she won't take everything. -tagged: doctor love me

Host: ah hah, favorite boi. My Host did used to be the Author, and after getting his ass handed to him, started looking for ways to really amp up his abilities. He found It(not the clown, fck off)and offered a deal "I'll give you a vessel, in exchange for power" and It misinterpreted and took HIS body instead of letting him find someone else. Over the years he's realized his mistakes and has become much more humble. Basically: Host is a host to a being not of this world or even dimension. -tagged: host2

Yan: goes from "not feeling a thing" to "feeling too much" real quick. If you see him being peppy and cheerful, it's an act so ppl don't question him. He wants to feel. So whenever he gets feelings for someone he often takes it too far. Much too far. Also he's a kitsune h e r e -tagged: bloody cute

Winston: fucking pink, pompadour, greaser demon. Him big. Tol. Stronk. Very protective of his partners, especially if they're human. Big teddybear. Loves animals and works as a mechanic. His town? Almost everyone is a demon there, they just wear glamours all the time. -tagged: big pink

Anti: fucking glitchy glitch tech demon. Acts like a computer virus. Very bitter. Up Dark's ass. He has feelios that he refuses to deal with, so he just annoys Dark and insists on being by him most of the time. He likes Dark because he's one of the few who don't take his bullshit and aren't scared of him. -tagged: virus boi

Bing: saaah dude. Super laidback unless he's alone, then he gets to work and is actually semi serious. He's got a few defects, mainly with his eyes, so he wears shades. Default safemode, the dial(yes, dial)is on the back of his neck. Ppl confuse this for volume too often. Notch one: he can cuss. Notch two: he can look up lewds. Notches from then on just increase how raunchy he can be and the frequency of his lewd statements. Very last notch: he can FUCK. also, he has a detachable dick, like, he can still feel it when it's not attached, thanks to bluetooth. Weird man. -tagged: robruh

Virgil/Anxiety: anxious bab with a sarcastic tongue and foul mouth. Total pessimist. Will not go out of his way to interact with people. Loves puns and dad jokes and Disney. Sings. Acts like a damn cat tbh. But surprise! Him a spider. Has giant spider legs coming out of his back that he hides -tagged: smokey eye

Patton/Morality: god, fckin. He's trying so hard. He wants to be the bestest friend/father figure that he can be. Sometimes he holds his own feelings in and bottles them up. -cough-surprise binch, daddy kink and puns. -tagged: pun papa

AD: h e y, I know we all have headcanons n shit, but my Dark would have tried to get their pal DA out of the mirror and into a body, after things settled, somehow. It would have taken him years, but he would have. Course it didn't go quite as planned. By then whatever remained of the DA was far too gone, turns up being stuck in a broken mirror realm can really fuck you up. And eventually turn you into a demon. AD is not the DA anymore, all they remember is that night and that night only.

Any semblance of the DA they once had is now gone. Now they're out for revenge, and when you're able to travel through reflections that can come quite easily. Ofc they look like Mark(more specifically Dark, as he was the one who both put them in and took them out of the broken mirror that was keeping them tied to the manor), only hella scarred and with white streaks all throughout their hair. Their eyes are mirrors, which is just fckin creepy. Personality wise they don't trust easy. A smartass with a sharp tongue. Brutally honest. Redeeming quality? If they see someone/something that's vulnerable they'll protecc. -tagged: spitting image

Kink(Klancy): a kinky mtherfcker. Used to be in a hella abusive relationship with someone who called beating and using him with no regard for his safety at all "bdsm". And it was Klancy's first and only romantic relationship. It wasn't until his bad, horrid excuse of a dom took them to an actual, legit bdsm club that he realized what the dom was doing was abuse. So he dumped him, and Jeremiah and his buddies helped get his stuff. Klancy decided that from now on he'd take his sex life in his own hands. He isn't currently looking for a a relationship, but I'm a shipping hoe so if y'all are up for a slow burn, hit him up -tagged: kink it up

Eric: hoooooo b o y, well, his backstory was awful before. Now it's uh, downright trigger worthy. I won't go into detail, let's just say Pops has a bad touch way of getting Eric to "calm down". He is a quiet, anxious boy. We all know his canon story. He feels guilty that he's the only one of his siblings living now. And Derek doesn't help. He's moved out and with Klancy, because I want them to be friends and you can fite me in the pit. Klancy-aside from Host-is the only one that knows what Derek's been doing since uh, Klancy being Klancy decided he'd try the dad on for size and Derek said some questionable things in the heat of the moment. Klancy has practically adopted Eric, he'll fight Derek.

Eric is a nervous wreck and easy to manipulate. Which makes him perfect for juicy, angsty threads. -tagged: yellow handkercheif

Periwinkle: a defective Google unit made with an experimental sensory system, it made him incredibly sensitive to the point of pain. So he wears clothes from head to toe, along with a helmet, Daft Punk style. He works at a nearby Google place, doing surveys with owners of Google units. He fakes being emotionless when on the clock, as he's been threatened with deactivation due to violent outbursts. -tagged: off limits

Copiplier: his name's Leslie, Officer Morgan. He prefers being called Lee. He abides by the l a w!! No exceptions. Whenever someone makes a noise complaint or some other with the office, he's the one that shows up. Mostly because none of the other officers want to deal with t h a t mountain of paperwork. His hair's on the long side, man bun long. And he buff. When I say he looks good in the uniform I mean "gets mistaken for a stripper" good. Which is fair, because for some time he was a stripper, before police academy(cough, he still is, on the weekends). Strict boi is kinda dense and ever since Yukio gave him some damn pocky he's been addicted to it. Which is great, since he used to be a smoker. -tagged: oh officer

#muse info #muse list

[bubblebubblebath]

I often neglect what I felt for how long as I could remember growing up but it begins to affect me now.

When I was a kid, I kept telling mother that my nanny always scold me but she never believe me. Until one day, long after nanny stopped working for us, and we went to her house for a visit, we found her tied to the bed. The family told us, she was insane that the family has to tie her hands and legs.

Primary school, mother scolded me saying i have no rights to order my sibslings around when she saw me calling my siblings to come home because it was almost sunset. She also always question me weird things when father wasnt home and always making me look bad in front of father. She also slapped me when I didn’t answer her, by now when I think back, I think she was provoking me but luckily I didn’t act the other way round. God knows where would I be now if I did.

Highschool, teen phase where I started buying the cosmetics. I was 15. I’m not sure how other mothers will react to this but mine called me “bohsia” (prostitute) when i was on my way out with my makeup on. How can you blame me for what I did after that, pfft. Okay kidding, I am proud of my previous self for knowing the Dos & the Donts and for still remembering, no matter how awful the parents treated me, they’re still my parents. Not sure if I already got the derhaka title on my forehead to them but I believe God knows and God is watching.

I grew up thinking I will never be good enough or am I doing the right thing, or will they ever pay attention when I talk. I dont share the same interests as my mother and father such as I was into bowling but father is into golf. Whenever I told him I got into bowling tournaments, he only gave me the “yea yea” reaction, never bother but it’ll be the other way round if its my other siblings.

One time, I decided to join golf-club at school, because my roommate was in it too. Only then, my father started gave attention to me. He even brought me to KLCC to get me the drive-set! But we ended up with a glove because the sets were all too expensive, cuz, KLCC. But I felt sad, when he only look at me when I joined the golf club.

I’m turning 28 this year but things just got worse, parents are still the same and it’s eating me up and starting to affect my daily emotions and I hate it. Day by day, I became a hateful person and I am disliking myself for that.

I dont believe in therapist, they won’t give me the solution and it’s expensive. Dont give me “change your mindset/stay positive” shits. What do you think I was doing my whole life?

The first things I always pray to God is always “please open their hearts to accept me” as for my entire life, I never feel accepted in my own family. I grew up with different mother-figure every year, depending who was my close friend at that moment.

The person who I always cried to left me when I was 13. She passed away, left me crying every night for I have no one else to go to anymore. Even in mom’s side big family, my grandma disliked me too cuz she preferred my same-age cousin who is great in the kitchen, unlike me. Whenever we go to sleep, I will placed my pillow next to grandma but she will faced the other side, since she preferred my cousin more. So basically, this is what I faced when I was small.

I grew up trying to win my mother, father, and grandma’s hearts and it was very difficult but I still kept my chin up, playing dumb when inside, I kept on thinking about suicide but ustazah told me, suicide is not the solution because the malaikat will come and ask questions and of course I wasn’t and still not ready for that.

Between me and my grandma, we had a good bond before she passed away. Ever since she got sick, cousin ditched her and that’s why, grandma started to treat me nicely. I wasnt holding grudges against grandma, i accepted her like nothing happened, but I will never forget.

I grew up telling people when they asked, I kept repeating the same answer, “me and parents, we don’t talk, we are not close”. Just imagine a 10 years old girl saying that. 18 years later, still the same answer.

Right now I’m not sure what to do. I need help but I don’t believe in therapists. I’m not sure if I should start taking medicines because I am totally emotionally unstable and it’s getting hard to control it nowadays and I don’t like how myself turned out.

God please help me, I need help.

8/6/19

[badgalyadi]

random survery. / 474 + 560.

How’s your mood? Do you feel any different than you did earlier today? def better than it was earlier

What do you look for in a friend? Is it important that your friends have similar hobbies and interests to you? Or is it more important that you just enjoy their company? i think as long as i enjoy your company, we’re good.

Has anyone ever spread a malicious rumour about you? people have been doing this since middle school lmaooo

Are you comfortable with talking to the opposite sex, about sex? yeah, sex isn’t that deep of a topic lol.

What are your views on people who claim to have had spiritual or paranormal experiences? damn that’s crazy.

Have you ever had a friend that you were really close with, but you ended up drifting apart? Why do you think this happened? lol, life.

How much of an issue would you say peer pressure is for you? FAKE. no way ur gonna get me to do something i don’t wanna do, idc.

Would you be able to give up eating your favourite food(s), if your doctor said you had to? nope.

If you’re single, do you ever feel jealous of people who are in relationships? And if you’re in a relationship, do you ever feel jealous of people who are single? no.

What’s in your pencil case? pens, unsharpened pencils, mechanical pencils, erasers both big & small, a sharpener, a stapler, extra staples, and highlighters.

Is there anything in your room that you wouldn’t want your parents to find? maybe so.

Are you wearing anything fragranced atm? i’m wearing the fragrance i brought back from cuba. it was only $3 and it smells so good, deadass makes me it :(

Was your last illness something contagious? i had a cold, so i guess yeah.

When did you last update your Facebook profile photo? it’s been a year.

Have you ever felt confused about your sexuality? in middle school. terrible time to wanna figure that shit out but 💀

If you found out your friend was sleeping around, what would you say to him/her? nothing b/c i don’t care lmao do you.

How should someone of the opposite sex go about starting a conversation with you? it’s not that deep, just say hi.

Tell me about someone you dislike. Why do you dislike them? Do they know that you dislike them? obsessive and shady asf, can’t mind her business.

Have you ever felt so strongly for someone that you believed them to be totally irreplaceable, as if you could never be happy with anyone else? yeah, and i don’t think i’ll ever feel that way about somebody again b/c i learned u really can live without anybody whether u like it or not.

Out of all the horror films you’ve ever seen, which one scared you the most? uhhhhhh sinister or insidious idk

Who was the last person to tell you that they were disappointed in you? not airing out names. she didn’t directly say it, anyway.

If you’re an only child, do you ever wish you had some siblings? And if you have siblings, would you like any more? i always wish i had other siblings lmao i see people w theirs and be feeling sad as hell :(

Are you friends with the last person you texted? yeah.

Your last Facebook friend request - was it from someone of the opposite sex? no.

What does the eleventh text message in your inbox say? issa meme.

Has anyone ever called you easy? yeah LOL

Would you consider having a child with the last person you kissed? whommm... can’t be having a baby rn when i’m still the baby myself

Is there a cover version of any song that you like more than the original? soooo many.

Have you ever liked someone who was a player? yea lol

Do you own anything that has sequins on it? also yes.

Have you ever done anything to embarrass your parents? not on purpose but they def do shit that embarrasses me too so we’re even 

Do you own a teddy bear? yethhhh

What’s the worst relationship advice anyone has ever given you? all of it. nobody ever knows what they’re talking about LMAO.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how happy are you with yourself as a person? a 6.5 lmao.

Would you ever kiss someone with facial hair? yeah. Have you ever drooled in public? nah. Do you agree that facebook is taking over the entire teenage population? ???????????? what 80 year old wrote this Have you ever met a mainstream band? no. Have you ever yelled at an electronic as if it could hear you? i get mad sometimes & be fighting random shit LMAOOOO so yes Have you ever been bitten by a dog? yeah LMAO

Would you ever shave your head? if i didn’t have to? no. Have you ever spelt your name in Alphabet Soup? no. What do you think would happen if the Earth suddenly stopped spinning? my stupid ass has no idea & i’m not boutta guess so i can be made fun of What did you want to be when you were little? probably some generic shit like a princess idk Have you ever drawn a picture with sidewalk chalk? yeah. What is the worst possible way to die? slow, painfully. Have you ever burnt yourself with a lighter? sooooooooooooooo many times. Would you ever meet someone you met online? mayhaps. What’s your favorite online game? cricket noises.. What do you think of gay/bisexual people? A1. Have you ever kissed the TV? no. Have you ever thrown your cell phone across the room? yeah, then regretted it LMAOOOOO Have you ever been hit with a ball in gym class? not often but once in hs i got sockedddddddd in the face during volleyball & thought it was on purpose so i hit her w the ball even harder and ended up getting suspended cuz i wasn’t discreet about it lmao Will you be single over winter? [brain muscles overworking themselves] what season is this Where do you wanna live when you grow up? out of miami mayhaps. Are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants, or pajama pants? pajama pants. Would you get married if you could right now? nope. Do you consider yourself spoiled? maybe so. Do you get annoyed when you see someone you don’t like? i usually just focus on other shit. Could you see yourself dropping out of high school? surprised i didn’t. Is there anyone you want to see right now? santi?! What were you doing 12 a.m. last night? fixing my living room. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now? :] Are you a mean person? no, i really try not to be. What woke you up today? yesterday*, alarm clock. Have you kissed anyone whose name started with a T? probably lmaoo

Did you date anyone last summer? nah, i was minding my business, enjoying my life. Where will you be twelve hours from now? class. Do you remember the first time you kissed the last person you kissed? yeth Have you ever slept on a couch with that person? also yeth Have you written a letter to a soldier? no. Ever been in a perfect relationship? lmao “perfect” How do you feel about the person who texted you last? loveeee me some them. What are you looking forward to? cricket noises.. Do you think you are an argumentative person? hhhh.. maybe..  How did you feel when you woke up today? tireddddddd asf. Have you ever had a best friend who was of the opposite sex? mhmmm What time did you go to sleep last night? i always go to bed late asf. i’m boutta go to bed now just to be up in two hours. What color are your eyes? brown. The last song you listened to? a veces, it’s literally on repeat. When you shut off your alarm clock, do you tend to fall back asleep? if i don’t get up, yeah. Do you believe change is always good? sometimes.

How long was your longest relationship in highschool? 3 years. Do you know who Philip DeFranco is? nah. What’s the most illegal thing you’ve EVER done? 💀 the OP responded to this with weed, i’m really screaming rn.. Where did/do you want to get married? all these questions about marriage, whew. What’s the highest level of education you’ve reached? i’m in college rn Is your last name extremely common, like Gonzalez? no, but i don’t think it’s rare either. Ever notice how most flags are red white and blue? no. Have you ever had a crush on a family member? what the fuck How old is your YOUNGEST friend? bitch.. i don’t know How old is your OLDEST friend? i don’t. know. How long should people be together before they propose? these questions are starting to make me uncomfortable lmaoo Have you had your first touch screen phone yet? that’s how you know this survey is old. Don’t you hate when parents divorce but then still argue regularly? can’t relate, hope i never do. Would you ever join the military? sike. If you could have any dog, what dog would you have? a shihpoo. Would you ever kill a bunny and make soup out of it? what the fuck x2 Do any of your friends own a ferret? no. Do you believe that Christians are better than non-Christians? no? Do boys really rock pink more than girls do? ????????????????????? Do you own a pair of skinny jeans? yerrr What’s your view on the Islam culture? hard to have an opinion on something you know nothing about. Do you know what, “C'est la vie” means? i know i’ve seen this but idk what it means Do balloons make you have a better birthday? nah; they’re loud asf too when they pop, so. Krispy kreme donuts aren’t as good as Dunkin Donuts, are they? DELETE THIS. What is your favorite song from, “Aventura?” THE SPANISH GROUP?! WAYMENT...... i don’t even know. prob something generic. yesterday i was listening to por un segundo lmao :( If you could legally assassinate any celebrity, who would it be? bro.. Do you use Twitter or Formspring? twitter. rip formspring babie love you. Why did you last cry? a few hours ago, real crybaby bad bitch hours. If you had to lose 5 lbs, how would you do it? lower my calorie intake. Is there anyone who seems to think that you are a pillow? ???????? Tell me about your BEST New Year’s Eve ever. wasn’t this one. If you HAD to change your name, what would you change it to? alejandra, idk why that name sticks with me. i just feel like i look like someone named alee & idk how that makes sense but it does to me LMAO. Lunapic editor is amazing, no? whommmm... How do YOU write, “Okay?” depends on my mood, who i’m talking to, what we’re talking about.

How old was the last person who kissed you? 28. Do you have any plans for the day after tomorrow? not that i know of. Do you have a good relationship with your parents? yeah. What time did you wake up today? 7. Name something you can’t wait to do: idk. If you had to choose, would you rather be an alcoholic or a pothead? pothead. What has pissed you off today, if anything at all? cricket noises. Can you honestly say that at this point and time you’re happy with the way life is going? no lmao. Can you easily tell if someone’s fake? mmmmmmmmmmm.. depends. Is there someone you don’t ever want to be out your life? yeah. Did you kiss or hug anyone in the last 48 hours? yeah. Looking back in time did you ever waste your time on a certain boy or girl? feel like most ppl have been thru this. Has anyone ever sang to you? yeah bfsjklj Can a boy and girl be friends without having feelings for each other? LMAO yeah. Coffee or alcohol? oof.. both. together. Have you ever kissed anyone whose name started with C or J? yeth and yeth. Do you ever cry during movies? hell yeah w my crybaby ass Do you have any piercings? ears. Have you ever found someone you really like? my BOO. 🗣 Did you go outside for more than 30 minutes today? yeah LMAO Do you remember who you liked three months ago? was that november... idk how to do math LMAO pretty sure i liked ques by then.

#sᴜʀᴠᴇʏs /

[buttercup-little]

There's nothing stopping me from killing myself

No, not even myself.

I wish this was a joke this time. I wish that this was a post I could turn around and make funny, or a meme in disguise. But its not. This is a wholehearted plea for someone to hear me

I'm drowning

I'm drowning in myself

I can't breathe

I can't sleep

Nothing makes sense to me anymore

I'm writing several stories that I was so hyped to finish, but I can't seem to grasp that same feeling anymore now, the stories seem hollow. I know no one will give a shit if I ever even finish them and get them published. No one will read them. No one will fucking care.

I draw a picture a day, a doodle a day, and occasionally I post them. But I Dont get the same feeling from finishing a hard picture anymore. No pride, no joy, no happiness. I look at the lines and all I see I hollow. And when I think "maybe I'm imagining it, my art can't be as shitty as I think" and I get the balls to post it, I barely get a like. No one cares about my art. No one give a shit. I stand over dozens of drawing pads, and sketchbooks, and digital portfolios of art that no one will ever appreciate, because its crap.

And I know I'm not a bad artist, I know it because I progressed, and I evolved. But its all still shit

I write poems

Songs

Quotes

Rants

Essays

Stories short, and long

And all of it is garbage, because I'm useless.

No matter how hard I try to be better than I am, I always just end up being the worst.

I spent every day of my childhood hating myself, since I can first remember I hated myself. When I made friends I could see in their eyes that I was still an outcast to them, that if given the chance they would rather hang with anyone else.

Everyday now I try to front like I think I'm this great person. Every day. For so long. I almost had myself convinced that I was better than I used to be. every day I would act like my insides weren't rotting. Every day I would act like my brain wasn't screaming at me. I pretended so well I truly believed it for so long.

For years I believed that I wasn't as sad as I felt. For years I convinced myself that people didn't just "tolerate me" like the voice in my head said. For years I had convinced myself that I was worth something. That I could become someone who would make a change.

But I'm useless. It doesn't matter how much I want something, I'll always be too damn lazy to follow through. It doesn't matter what motivates me, because it'll always stop motivating me. Just like it always does.

And I'm so sick of switching motivators, because I just feel like I'm running out

I wanted to be a teacher when I was young Cuz I wanted to show children how to live their fullest lives, but I barely passed any of my own classes.

I then wanted to be a lawyer to protect people who had been done wrong, but then I realised that I could never save anyone.

Then I wanted to start a business that would help people change the way they see the world, but now I know that I can't even change how I see it.

I was in volleyball for one season and all I ever did was get hit in the face, and talked down to. When I went to tryout the next year the coach told me I had no place to even tryout.

I was on speech team for three fucking years and earned one (1) award for third place in a novice system while I was a second year competitor. Every judge wrote the same thing, "you are not dressed correctly, stop touching your hair, you look too nervous, switch categories Cuz this one isn't for you" I took a beating by the judges every week in every round but I was convinced I could at least get 6th place at least once

I never did

I submitted stories and poems to writing competitions in school, I didn't even rank.

I give up on my dreams while everyone has at least accomplished one thing.

I've accomplished nothing. And I will give a billion dollars to anyone who can list at least one thing I've actually accomplished.

I never got my diploma, despite going to school up till the very last day. I never got my GED,despite attending the classes and even having the test scores high enough to get it. I get mediocre jobs and convince myself they aren't that bad, Cuz (at least I make more than minimum wage). when I talk to people I avoid talking about myself because I'm as interesting as watching paint dry.

Everyone else is a night sky and I'm just a stale crumb.

I've amounted to nothing, and I probably never will.

For years I had myself convinced that I wasnt just rot inside a flesh cover, I had myself so convinced that I was special, and that I could make a difference to someone. But I'm a burden on all who interact with me, I am a burden to my friends, a burden to my family, a burden to everyplace I worked, a burden to every teacher I had.

And now. I cracked.

That's stupid notion that I'd convinced myself of, that I was good enough, that I was worth something, is cracked and for the past few days its been eating me alive.

I haven't felt truly suicidal since freshman year in highschool. Now here I am, barely 22, and I'd love nothing more than to stop breathing.

I'm not making suicide jokes ironically anymore, and they aren't even really jokes.

Every time I chuckle and say "I'm probably gonna kill myself" its not a joke. I probably will. I'm at my end here.

I can't sleep.

I haven't really slept in almost 72 hrs. I mean I was asleep. But I wasn't.

People always say "if you ever need anything, I'm always here" but BULLSHIT!. Every time I lay down everything I can give for others, I do my best to accommodate for everyone. And yet I know the moment I want to talk to someone the only reason they'll listen is because they feel obligated to.

Its not an opinion either. Its not just "my brain making me think things" its for real. Its so real. Its real enough that I've stopped even telling my friends, or anyone anything about myself because I can always see it in their eyes and hear it in their voices, that they Dont give a fuck.

I Dont even know what to do anymore.

Nothing feels real.

I dont even feel like I'm even here.

I'm worthless, I'm lazy, and I'm good at tricking people into thinking I'm not.

And I know for a fact that no one is even going to read this last line here, I know Cuz no one ever cares about my shit, no one gives a crap. And if I never make another post again, well I'm sure none of y'all would even bat an eye.

Sorry this is such a long post.

[notalk-justthought]

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Hehe okay originally I was gonna answer these in an audio post, and I did that, then it turned out to be very quiet and it was 15 minutes of me being awkward af and fully answering like 15 questions soooooo yeah

1: Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie. 

one of my favorite movies is Train to Busan and I thought it was gonna be a regular zombie movie, but I ended up crying at the end,,, I wasn’t ready

2: Talk about your first kiss. 

I can’t cuz it hasn’t happened yet :I

3: Talk about the person you’ve had the most intense romantic feelings for. 

uhhh there’s like two people? but the first one was a crush in 6th grade so maybe it wasn’t really love? idk, then the last one was like last year,,, the 6th grade crush was on this guy I had known since elementary school and idk why I had a crush on him, but 11 year old me liked him,,, but now he’s engaged which is wack cuz we’re both in our early 20s…. then the most recent crush where I had intense feelings for,,, she a gay meme,,,,ye

4: Talk about the thing you regret most so far. 

one thing that I regret so far in my life is my first relationship for a couple reasons….

5: Talk about the best birthday you’ve had.

OH MY GOD my 15th birthday was lit, so my bro invited like 3 of his friends over (my bday in July 4th) and one of his friends brought those fireworks that shoot off into the sky then explode and it was awesome

6: Talk about the worst birthday you’ve had.

I can’t think of a bad birthday, they just kinda happen lmao

7: Talk about your biggest insecurity.

uhhh tbh I can’t think of my biggest insecurity right now

8: Talk about the thing you are most proud of.

I’m proud of living this far in life 

9: Talk about little things on your body that you like the most.

I have like freckles on various places of my body, there’s like 5-10 of them,,, uhh I have this cool birthmark on my finger that’s cool idk what else

10: Talk about the biggest fight you’ve ever had.

I don’t get into fights

11: Talk about the best dream you’ve ever had.

Already answered

12: Talk about the worst dream you’ve ever had.

where I either died or was being stalked

13: Talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time.

my first time is gonna be awkward, I can guarantee that

14: Talk about a vacation.

I went to puerto rico this past summer and it was nice, we stayed in airbnbs, drank a few mojitos, swam in the ocean, saw a lotta cats, dogs, and horses… it was nice.

15: Talk about the time you were most content in life.

uhhhh idk probably like 6th grade lmao

16: Talk about the best party you’ve ever been to.

HOKAY SO this was after volunteering at this camp I had been volunteering at for the past couple years (this was two summers ago) and my bro gets invited to the end of the summer party with the rest of day camp and took me with him. so we went, we played some beer games, had pizza, had snacks and whatnot and it was just a fun time… okay that’s the ONLY party i’ve been to

17: Talk about someone you want to be friends with.

I wanna be friends with this one girl who lives across the hall from me, we have talked once because we have a mutual friend, but she seems cool

18: Talk about something that happened in elementary school.

already answered

19: Talk about something that happened in middle school.

a lot of shit happened in middle school,,,, there was this one guy I knew who wanted to be a werewolf, I balanced a bunch of stuff on my head, i had mini crushes on girls I didn’t realize were mini crushes, shit was wild

20: Talk about something that happened in high school.

there was this one time during 11th grade in chorus class where the alto section was talking about how weird nipples are right? so when we were practicing going on stage for the chorus concert and such and we were backstage, one of my friends was like “hey do you wanna see how weird my nipple is?” and I was like “sure!” and then she showed me her boob,,, it was a gay time

21: Talk about a time you had to turn someone down.

I turned down my friend once when he asked me cuz I didn’t like him

22: Talk about your worst fear.

one of my worst fears is being alone, like romantic wise,,, 

23: Talk about a time someone turned you down.

I’ve never been turned down because I’ve never asked anyone out,,,, okay I GUESS I did kinda ask this one girl to pride, but she agreed….HOLY SHIT that was a date…. I’m so dumb,,,

24: Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot.

My friend Daria sometimes writes little letters to me when we give each other presents and it’s about how grateful she is to have me as a friend, and it always means a lot

25: Talk about an ex-best friend.

there was this one friend I had and we were friends since like 6th grade and we were in so many classes together and we were both into anime and idk it was a fun time, i mean, online, it would seem like we’re still friends since we like each other’s insta posts and say happy birthday to each other still… her birthday is coming up… idk it’s weird cuz we haven’t talked since the beginning of our last year of highschool

26: Talk about things you do when you’re sick.

I do the same things I do when I procrastinate, listen to music, watch youtube, sleep yknow. also I only get sick like 2-3 times a year soooo

27: Talk about your favorite part of someone else’s body.

uhhhhhh my friend Daria has nice thighs,,,,

28: Talk about your fetishes.

UHHHHHH no

29: Talk about what turns you on.

………….imma name two,,,, neck kisses and dirty talk……

30: Talk about what turns you off.

cigarette smoke, mean personalities,,, other stuff I can’t think of

31: Talk about what you think death is like.

already answered!

32: Talk about a place you remember from your childhood.

I remember my mom, bro, dog, and I would take walks to the lake where the town gets water from and such and when we’d get there, Sam would start climbing up this steep hill with his climbing gear and our dog would sniff around,,, we haven’t done that in years…

33: Talk about what you do when you are sad.

cry or talk to myself about why I’m sad/crying

34: Talk about the worst physical pain you’ve endured.

foot cramps, but now I’ve had so many that it doesn’t hurt that much :/

35: Talk about things you wish you could stop doing.

I wish I could stop procrastinating, I’d get so much done and be so much happier

36: Talk about your guilty pleasures.

I like watching anime abridged series a lot,,,

37: Talk about someone you thought you were in love with.

First, what is love? lmao second, uhhh I don’t think I’ve been in love? idk

38: Talk about songs that remind you of certain people.

I can’t think of songs, but certain bands remind me of people, like The Growlers remind me of my friend Audra, MCR reminds me of my friend Ellie, Rainbow Kitten Surprised reminds me of my bro

39: Talk about things you wish you’d known earlier.

uhhh how to study is one of them, time management is another

40: Talk about the end of something in your life.

the end of me thinking about the bad things that happened in my relationship/friendship with my ex was really freeing, like knowing that what caused that was both of us was good to know and it was definitely a turning point. I literally didn’t stop thinking about it until I figured out it was both of us who did each other wrong. I’m glad that I did cuz that would’ve held over me for even longer.

#ask #one-for-all-plus-ultra