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karliesbuzzcut · 3 years

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(100) Million Dollar Lawsuit

Intro | part1 | part2 | part3 | part4

We are on the last chapter (for now) and this the most chaotic one. Mainly because it doesn’t follow any kind of chronological order (or logical sense), it’s just Russ going in circles for literal years.

But I’ll try my best to condense it for you, so all you need to do is to keep your seat belt fastened until the aircraft stops completely.

Right after the failed Ari lawsuit, Russ goes back to his one and only love: Taylor Swift 💫 And he has learned a lesson — not a good lesson, mind you, but a lesson: small claims courts won’t take him anywhere. If he really wants to punish women for not complimenting his suit, he will have to file a multi-million dollar federal lawsuit.

But, since denying sex from The Russell isn’t illegal (yet), he had to come at it from a different angle. I’m going to give Russ a chance to explain himself first.

Before you ask: yes, the following was Russell’s response to a woman thanking Taylor for visiting an 8 year-old girl who was very badly burned in an accident.

As I’ve always said, it’s okay if you aren’t fluent in Bullshit. That’s what I’m here for.

You see, Russell views human interactions as a series of transactions: I make a tweet worth liking, you go on a date with me; I take you to Olive Garden, you give me a handie for free; I put on a suit, you hug me and smile; I write you a song and sue you, you produce said song. Whenever women don’t fulfil their side of the deal, he becomes enraged.

But the reason he has such a strong hate-boner for Tay, is because she seemed to also follow his same ‘moral code’. A kid makes a cute video, she visits them at the hospital. A fan writes her a letter inviting her to their wedding, she goes to the wedding. A couple of kids fold 1989 paper cranes for Andrea, Taylor invites them to one of her concerts.

Russ thought “this is a done deal”. He didn’t write that song for Taylor because he particular liked her; he just thought she’d be the most likely artist to produce it — or at least acknowledge his existence.

I mentioned before that Russ wrote a whole-ass book about this. And I think it’s as good a time as any to talk about it. For a short amount of time, Russell chilled out about the ✨100 million dollar lawsuit ✨ but my guess is that he thought his book would get him the same results as a lawsuit? To be fair, the book is fantastic. 5/5, would recommend.

He details the harassment he went through after suing Taylor Swift (the first time). Apparently old ladies at coffee shops would scream at him because he dared to sue Our Queen. A Mexican even pointed a gun at him (it wasn’t me, guys! Just a fellow countryman ❤️) and ordered Russ to drop the lawsuit. Computers at his job caught on literal fire because he was sent very powerful viruses. His friend Ken — who definitely exists! — was hit with a Molotov cocktail. Yep. 2016 was definitely the year people were willing to murder for Taylor Swift.

There’s also this brilliant dream sequence that involves an owl with the voice of Morgan Freeman, and Taylor’s agents guarding a tower in which she’s being held captive.

ALSO ALSO: an entire chapter is called “SHE CHOSE HIM OVER ME”. Taylor Swift chose Joe Alwyn — a man she actually knows — over a man she’s not even aware exists. Women, amiright?

I think Russell would enjoy the Kaylor community to a certain extent. Not the lesbian part, obviously: he doesn’t trust women who don’t want to touch his peen. I just mean the baseless hatred of Joe. Look, I made a little collage of his rants ❤️ tell me if any of this sounds familiar!

You know — I’ve been joking around a lot about Russell just wanting to do the nasty with Taylor. But you know me, I like joking around. In reality Russ only wants what is fair. He wants to put a stop to all these senseless acts of kindness perpetrated by Taylor ‘The Generous’ Swift.

This isn’t about him at all, actually. Shame on you for thinking there’s an ounce of greed in that selfless little body of his. HE’S DOING THIS TO PROTECT THE KIDS WITH CANCER!

There are no ulterior motives here! This isn’t about a date!

THIS IS NOT ABOUT A DATE AT ALL GUYS STOP SAYING THAT.

I think this is my favourite post of his, because– grammatically speaking –he doesn’t specify which of them is wearing the red dress. And that sends me every goddamn time.

Anyway. The book, as magnificent as it was, got him absolutely nowhere. I know, I can’t believe it either. So he went back to focus on his lawsuit. But apparently not enough, because he didn’t serve her properly..? Now, don’t expect me to understand this, because I am very stupid (so it’s quite a good thing that I haven’t sued anybody for millions of dollars) but something about him sending the lawsuit to her old legal team..? And then trying to force UPS to serve her? I think he even said he was going to serve her in the middle of one of her concerts... but I’m guessing that didn’t go as planned 🤷‍♀️ oops.

Of course, Russie wouldn’t allow such an anticlimactic ending. Can you guess what he did? Please tell me that you can guess what he did. HE MADE ANOTHER SONG 😭❤️

This one is called ‘I Don’t Get You, Taylor Swift’. Another masterpiece that we definitely didn’t deserve 🙌

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This was around April, 2019. By then I was being lured away by Kaylors, so I broke it off with Russ. I know that he filed a 3rd lawsuit against Taylor last year, which is just like the second one but hopefully this time he’ll be able to serve. And listen— I know that sounds like an awful thing to wish on Taylor, but I’d rather have Russell occupied suing a rich woman (who isn’t even going to deal with him), than a poor sex worker in Nevada. I bet TayTay would prefer that too.

Well guys, I’ve mentioned this a few times already, but I really had to be selective with the amount of information I was going to throw at you. I’ve avoided some of the shittier stuff he said or did, because I wanted to keep these posts as lighthearted as possible. I also didn’t touch on many things because they would just derail us. Like for example: one of the few lawsuits he has filed against someone who isn’t a woman, was against the state of Utah. I know, right? He’s trying to singlehandedly legalise prostitution in Utah, and even wrote a book (more like a pamphlet) brilliantly titled ‘Why I'm Making It Legal for Your 18 Year Old Daughter to Get In Bed with a Complete Stranger for Only 500 Bucks: A Short Essay from a Pro Se Litigant who is Challenging the Utah Brothel Bans’.

I copy-pasted that title guys, I swear to god.

The book is very graphic. This one I certainly do not recommend as I still suffer nightmares because of it.

Soren is a character who also had to be cut out — which is a shame because he really tried to be a good christian and help Russell. Not as in “I support you, Russell” but as in “why don’t you take a nap, Russell”. Turns out, even cinnamon rolls have a limit. Russ, of course, blames Taylor Swift for the fact that he’s losing his friends. I’m not joking — it’s an article in his lawsuit:

Greer has lost family relationships, friend connections and business connections because of the trauma of Taylor Swift. His family tells him to "get over it," resulting in shouting matches and strained relationships. Greer's friends get annoyed by his focusing on the trauma of it, when nobody knows the pain of getting rejected by a public figure — twice — and the fallout that has resulted from it.

Russell embodies that comic/meme of the little guy who puts a stick in his bicycle’s wheels and then blames Taylor Swift when he inevitably falls.

Sooooo...

Maybe someday I’ll write a post about Russ’ latest antics. I know he still posts stupid stuff on Facebook, which he later deletes. He shined especially bright at the peak of the BLM movement. He also plead guilty to electronic communications harassment— did you see that conviction coming? Yes, yes you did 😌

Regarding Taylor, I read that Russ knew someone who knew Todrick Hall — and Russ sent him a song and video for Taylor. All he got back was a Cease and Desist letter. But I’d have to do a bit of digging to get the details. I was already so overwhelmed with organising the information I was previously aware of, that I decided to leave the newer stuff for another time. You know, once I’ve had some time to inform myself... as well as a really long shower.

Since I left so much shit out, I’ll be taking questions if you have any. And if you can muster the courage to ask them. I’m weirdly proud of being some kind of Russell encyclopaedia. I might not have much going for me...

There’s no ‘but’ — that was the complete statement.

Before I go, I wanted to add this screenshot. I absolutely love it because it summarises ✨The Russell Experience✨. Russ wants Taylor to know pain, poverty and punishment. But when asked “why?” his answer is just “oh, I was ignored lol”

*none of the screenshots are mine

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keiscait · 3 years

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hey, may i please request a bedroom matchup LOL 😏

she/her, bisexual (men over women (unless it's a big tittie goth gf)

sagittarius sun and virgo rising

ravenclaw 😏

sexual: i like being the top. call me mommy LOL. i also like being topped, i have a major knife kink 😏 im in charge most of the time, however it can change every now and then. when i'm the bottom i want my partner to spit in my mouth 🧎‍♀️ neck and ear bites plz 😏 i'm very vocal 👹👹

things i look for in a partner:

-LOYALTY!!1!1!2!2'

-has to have a good sense of humor

-chill

-very understanding

personality: i'm very outgoing and friendly to most people, but i keep my friend group small. i'm the loud friend of the group and i'm always trying my best to make my friends laugh. i say really weird things at the most random times and i often look really high so people think i'm on something. i'm a good leader though and take charge in the three sports i'm in. (i'm varsity captain in one of my sports!!)

appearance:

plans for future: i'm currently a senior in high school and i plan on going into the national guard or air force when i graduate :). the military will pay for college and i plan on either going into the criminal justice field or information technology field :p

music taste: literally everything except for country. you can catch me listening to dr dre, schoolboy q, blackstreet, and kendrick lamar one minute and then queen the next. i also love my female rap artists 👏👏 90s rock and rnb are also a must. i listen to 00's club music on a regular 😏

Hello and welcome, my dearest Bri! AND ADVANCED HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Wish I could bake you a cake, but all I can do is send some love (੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭* Let’s get right to it then! ٩(◕‿◕｡)۶

Look who we have here, hon!

Suna Rintarou! (Runner up: Kageyama Tobio)

Suna here has a really cold and icy demeanor, which I think has to be balanced out by outgoing people (like the Miya twins). He likes to act like this dark and brooding person, but deep down, he’s actually just a little gremlin like most of us.

- Okay okay, I know what you’re thinking. Yes, I already know that you’re a Suna stan, but I genuinely could not think of anybody who matches your personality description better, the two of you would just be *aggressive chefs kiss*

- I’m kinda getting an enemies-to-lovers-ish vibe with this dynamic, but also like a partners-in-crime-to-lovers type of deal. Either way, it’ll start out a little bit chaotic

- Has a crush on you immediately, I just KNOW it, but he won’t realize this until later on, and may even totally deny it to himself

- He doesn’t really know when exactly he starts catching feelings for you, but the realization probably hits him when he sees you going about your daily activities

- You could be doing any of your extra curriculars - basketball, track, or marching band - and he sees how much you enjoy it, or maybe even after you just said one of your random thoughts. Whatever makes him feel like he’s getting to know you a little bit better

- it’s when you laugh right after, and suddenly he feels like he’s just been spiked a ball in the face, and he just audibly goes “ah shit.”

- Has no fucking clue what to do at first KDHFKSJHL someone pls help him!!!

- He ends up being a little awkward when he tries to do anything about it, and it’ll all just feel so unnatural HAHAH

- “Let me carry your bag” “No Rin it’s fine I can--” *pries your bag from your hands with way too much force*

- in his mind he’s like “Ah yes that went perfectly 😌”

- he tries to communicate his feelings in little ways like this, hoping you’ll catch on

- No, Suna Rintarou, poking fun at someone is not a declaration of love, but nice try!

- he’ll get so frustrated if you don’t catch on (or maybe you do, and you just want him to say something first), and eventually will straight up yell tell you how he feels

- once you two are together, he’ll still try to act he’ll try to keep up his icy exterior, but trust me, he’s completely whipped for you

- SHARED PLAYLISTS!!!!

- Appreciates that you keep your friend group small, because at the end of the day, he’s still a pretty reserved guy

- Admires your leadership qualities, and will not be insecure and toxic about it, despite what other people believe. He honestly wishes he could be more like you, in that sense

- He’ll be your # 1 fan in everything you do. Will support whatever it is that you want to achieve, and will cut any bitch who tries to get in your way

- boy is in LOOOOOVE

- If he ever gets mad or annoyed at you, just give him the smallest peck on his cheek, and he’ll be all putty in your hands again

- Likewise, I think he’d be so good at making you blush too. It’s not all the time that he does this, but when he does, it’s 1000000% effective

- A FRICKING TEASE SKJDHFDSJFGLSGJ CHANGE MY MIND

- Honestly I love this dynamic so much that I wanna make him your bedroom matchup too, but I feel like that would be a cop out

You were exhausted.

It was never easy juggling all the activities that you took part in - each of them was truly a labor of love. Today was particularly draining because it was, after all, your birthday, and it just HAD TO fall on a weekday. You plonked on your bed and started scrolling through your phone.

Your tight-knit group of friends continued to send you birthday wishes, despite having already done so when you saw them earlier that day. They had sung to you and let you blow out a birthday candle - it was all they could do, given your busy schedules. You looked forward to the weekend you had planned with them and your boyfriend, Rintarou.

Speaking of Rin, you thought to yourself, as a message notification from him popped up.

- You’re already home, right?

- Yeah! Just got here. So tired

- That’s too bad. I was gonna ask you to open the door for me but I guess I’ll just go home

You ran to your front door faster than you expected you could manage, and there stood Suna, a balloon and a box of pizza in hand. He pretended to walk away slowly, making you giggle before you grabbed him and dragged him inside.

He pressed a soft kiss to your temple. “Happy birthday, babe.”

You were giddy, not expecting him to show up. “I thought we were gonna wait til the weekend for my celebration??”

“Do you not know me by now?” he chuckled. “As if I’d let today pass without doing anything about it.”

You smiled and looked at him for a few seconds. He rarely looks so sincere, and so warm, and you just wanted to drink up every last drop of this moment.

He teased, “But y’know, I guess if you’re too tired, I can totally scarf down this pizza by myself.”

You groaned before dragging him to your room and setting up the playlist you guys worked on together, getting ready for a night in.

I hope that was alright, bb! Let’s make our way to the bedroom now ٩(◕‿◕｡)۶

For some private time, I’ve invited over...

Oikawa Tooru! (Runner up: Suna Rintarou)

Despite how other people believe he’s a dom, I think he’d be a switch, at best. I think in the bedroom, he’d love to let his partner take control, just as much as loves having his way with them.

- What really gets this fucker going is pleasing people - and who would he love to please more than his s/o?

- He loves how your confidence translates into your bedroom behavior

- I headcanon that he easily falls apart in bed, and would gladly do so for his partner

- He is s e n s i t i v e. Touch him, kiss him, grab him EVERYWHERE

- LOUD, but a lot of it is trying to get his partner to be even louder

- How does this man have both a praise kink and a degradation kink? Idk but I’m so sure he has both

- Would be totally onboard with your knife kink. He’s super into sensory play

- Speaking of which

- BLINDFOLD HIMMMM SKDJHFSDJFK THAT WOULD BE A SIGHT TO BEHOLD

- Once you ask him to take charge, I think he would still be a service dom

- Knows all your sensitive spots. Made sure to take note of them so that he can get you back for all the times you hit his sweet spots

- Loves mouth stuff. His mouth. Your mouth. Putting stuff in them. Tongue stuff. Loves all of it

- Great at aftercare, just a bit flashy with it. Kind of makes a show of what he’s doing but in the most adorable way

- Delicate with how he handles you after. Or if you’re the one giving him aftercare, would praise you the whole time

- Will hold you til you fall asleep 🥺

As a little extra gift, I wanted to give you a dressing room matchup too!

I think your gorgeous face would look SO GOOD with...

Miya Atsumu! WHAT AN INSANELY GOOD LOOKING COUPLE YOU WOULD MAKE

That’s it for now, darling! I hope that was worth all the waiting you did. Thank you for being such a wonderful housemate - don’t hesitate to chat with me anytime. Advanced happy birthday again! (੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭*

Thanks for stopping by! (ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ

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collegestudentvevo · 4 years

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a thought on cancel culture

inspired by this post from @veraiconcos

i think we should cancel cancel culture. it’s become so toxic and overused that it doesn’t do it’s intended job anymore. i also believe that “cancel” has become so much of a buzzword it doesn’t have a proper meaning either.

i think it is completely necessary to hold celebrities accountable for their actions but to also remember that they are human and by no means perfect. we forget that celebrities are also people who are bound to make mistakes. but how they move forward from those mistakes is very telling about the people that they are.

as explained in the post i linked above, matthew gray gubler is a celebrity who is by no means perfect. he has made mistakes and he has said things that we would now consider “problematic” or something we should “cancel” him for. he has previously used the r word and mentioned in a poem that he is “dubious of lesbians” which has been interpreted different ways. i have my thoughts about those actions of his but i am neurotypical and i am not a lesbian so i don’t have a place to speak on those actions publicly. i will say that the word “dubious” is defined as “unsettled in opinion, doubtful” by Merriam Webster’s Dictionary. which i interpreted to mean that he does not anticipate being in a relationship with a lesbian, therefore making sense to me, but i also think it wasn’t needed to be said in the poem. again, that is not for me to decide. it is for the lesbian community to determine the value of that statement. here is another post listing things matthew has done that may be considered problematic.

tw // SA

there also have been sexual assault allegations made against matthew, that i have heard of. i also was told that the woman who made those allegations said that they were false. but i have no receipts on this information so if anyone has info or links regarding this, that would be greatly appreciated if you could send it to me or reply to this post!

i would also like to mention, that as a victim of SA, i will always stand on the side of victims and survivors. first and foremost, we need to believe women, victims, and survivors before coming to the defense of the accused.

back to celebrities and cancel culture in general

i believe that to some extent, cancel culture has been used for good. especially cases in which racism, sexism s*xual assault, homophobia, transphobia, etc. have played a part in certain celebrities’ lives. some people refuse to educate themselves on the matters at hand and i don’t think anyone should continue to “stan” or support celebrities, groups, etc. that uphold values like that. i don’t believe anyone should support celebrities, groups, etc. that have beliefs and political values that don’t align with their own. some people say that they like to “separate the art from the artist” but i don’t believe that that is possible in today’s day and age. if i listen to an artist like xxxtentacion or whatever the fuck his name is, who has multiple r*pe and p*dophilia accusations against him (i believe) i am indirectly supporting him. streaming his music on spotify gives him streams which translates to a certain amount of profit. giving streams and support to artists like this, tells them that they can still be successful, even after doing the terrible things that they’ve done and refusing to apologize or change their actions.

but there is a time when cancel culture is used far too often. if someone says something slightly wrong they get canceled almost immediately. for example, demi lovato had a finsta account on which she was presumed to be making fun of and tearing down selena gomez. i did not see the actual posts or account, only screenshots, but i agree, tearing down other women is not acceptable. but demi wasn’t doing this in the public eye and she did address it afterwards. although i’m not sure if we got an apology, she addressed it and her actions have shown growth since then.

i think the important thing to remember is that we are all human. we all make mistakes and what matters is that we learn from them. we all (including celebrities) need to take accountability for our mistakes and to also take the time and resources we have to constantly be educating ourselves on issues in other communities that we may not be privy to. a big example of this is the black lives matter movement. i am a firm believer and support of the movement as i believe everyone else should be. and if someone doesn’t know or understand what the movement is about, they need to take matters into their own hands and educate themselves on the systemic racism in america, the problems with the police force, right wing arguments, left wing arguments, etc., etc. no one, and i mean NO ONE has an excuse to not be educated. yes, make a mistake but make sure you learn from it. when someone tells you that you said or did something wrong, offensive, incorrect you need to listen to them. listen to their story and to why they are upset about what you said/did. then, take it upon yourself to further educate yourself on the issue.

cancel culture has been blown out of proportion and the fact that “cancel” is such a buzzword nowadays i do believe that it has lost its meaning.

but. if a celebrity does something that a group says is offensive or problematic, we need to listen to that group. we can’t excuse behavior just because we think “he would never do that!” or “he’s so sweet i can’t imagine him ever saying something like that.” just because it’s hard to believe doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. at the same time, we need to allow celebrities to atone for their sins. celebrities need to be allowed growth as well, just like anyone else.

the issue of cancel culture is complicated and complex but it’s worth talking about. if i made a mistake in this post or in any of my posts please let me know! if i ever did something that was offensive or rude or anything that may be negative, i want to know so i can learn from it. i think everyone else should hold that belief as well.

i could probably talk about this for years but thank you if you read my thoughts on this.

one last thing: i love matthew gray gubler. and as i said earlier, he is not perfect. i would love for him to apologize for everything he’s done wrong in the past, but i’m not even sure if he realizes or remembers doing those things. that doesn’t excuse his lack of apology, but we don’t know how he’s changed since then. he seems to me to be a person who tries to be kind to everyone and to stand up for what is right. but, we, as fans, are not a part of his personal life. we do not know the true matthew gray gubler, who he is on a daily basis. we can ask for him to speak up on issues or to apologize for saying a word or something in that vicinity, but we don’t know what he does in his own time. i don’t think we can expect him to broadcast his every move and every political belief and every value. i just think that is unrealistic. we won’t know where he stands on every topic ever, we just have to trust that he would do the right thing and if proven otherwise, we take it from there, i think.

these are certainly just my personal thoughts and by no means are they not flawed. i think there will always be flaws in arguments about topics like these. i think all we can do is try and learn and expect those we look up to to do the same.

i love you all. treat people with kindness :)

#m #cancel culture

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arethereanyoriginalusernames · 3 years

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I’m sorry

I’m sorry to my followers, my mutuals, and most of all, to put I call friends. I’m so, so sorry

I know at least one person’s going to want to reblog this, saying that I’m not a shitty person. Well, this post is for you I guess. I hate just being here, trying to convince myself and others that I’m a good person, but really I’m not. I’ve ruined potential friendships and actual friendships over and over again. All because I want people to validate me, because I want people to pay attention to me, because I think that what I think needs to be shared with everyone.

I’ve wasted people’s energy, time, and I think I might have ruined at least one person’s offline life because I thought I could help them when I had no place to do so.

If for whatever reason you don’t think I’m awful after this, well I guess I can’t stop you. But I hope that this might finally get people to recognize that I’m not someone worth supporting. Enjoy my content if you want, but don’t pretend that I am, by myself, an enjoyable person.

1. My “contribution” to the Zoophobia fandom

You know, there’s nothing on my blog that I’m more ashamed of than my Zoophobia critiques? Back when I first started on tumblr, my pretentious ass thought that I was going to be super special and become “a zp critic who didn’t hate Vivziepop and enjoyed her content”.

Yes, I was that up my own ass.

At the time, the only zp critics I knew of were the ones on the bad wiki forums and the late Zoophobia Critiques account. Which, for the record, I still agree that a lot of the criticism gave there was super spiteful and overblown. I gave the excuse that we could learn how to improve our own writing by analyzing works we love when I was criticizing a 4 and a half chapter webcomic the creator wasn’t proud of.

You know, I’m at a loss for how nobody has called my critiques out for being misinformed, disorganized, poorly spelt, and like someone who just heard of writing criticism and was parroting stuff they heard on a YouTube video. My criticism of how Addison’s ptsd was handled was disgusting, and my criticism of Jack was vague and was clearly a reach.

And my non critical Zoophobia content wasn’t even that good. I made a bunch of nothing posts that only discussed a couple or one character ever, and they were so stupid.

Then there’s how I acted during the pre Hazbin Hotel Vivziepop drama. You know, where I acted like a deluded three year old? Voicing “my concerns”, and totally not babbling a bunch of nonsense and pushing it onto others. I remember how one former mutual of mine, Lisaury, rightfully “burst my bubble” (that’s how they put it) by pointing out my flawed information.

I honestly don’t blame Lisaury for never talking to me again. God, I barely spoke to her to begin with. Just sent her worthless post after worthless post.

My “criticisms” of Vivziepop were idiotic at best, and now? Zoophobia and criticism of it may have resurfaced thanks to Bad Luck Jack, but this only made me realize how nothing my posts were.

Other critics would just call me a wishy washy sheep, and fans would rightfully see me as an idiot if I posted now what I posted then. Ever since the short, I’ve been fearful of someone finally pointing out my bullshit, making it clear to everyone how awful my content was. And I feared it because I knew it was true. I just didn’t want other people to realize it.

Fuck, you’d at least expect someone to notice how much of a dickhead I was when critiquing people’s fanfics.

2. Art / characters

In 2020, someone invited me to join an art discord, and I created an account to do so. This discord had actual artists, many who had been to art school. So when my self taught, delusional self posted art into a criticism channel, they rightfully tore it to shreds. Called it out for the lacklustre, mediocre anime garbage it was. Gave me advice, and pointed out exactly what was wrong with it. One person made a very accurate description of it. “It looks like something someone drew on those shitty phone apps without a pencil”. And they were right.

And how did I react?

I had a meltdown, deleted a bunch of my art and posts, ran crying to a bunch of people, desperate for validation, because I, someone who made criticism posts, couldn’t handle actual criticism. And the same group rightfully called me out on it. I lost the log in info for my first account, so I don’t interact with that group anymore, but I should have listened. They rightfully pointed out how all my male characters looked like traps and how my art lacked any artistic skill. And what did I do? I screenshoted what they said and showed it to others, like “omg, pity me!”

I can’t look at my old art without wanting to vomit. I still can’t understand how anyone can enjoy what I make, despite people telling me that they do. Especially when they make better art than I ever could.

And despite how shit it looks, I just shove art and all posts I make in people’s face, because they “have to look at it and pay attention to it”

3. Such a great “friend”

I don’t have conversations with people anymore. The majority of my Tumblr conversations are filled with me sending post after post after post, weeks with just my fucking stupid posts, because they totally matter so much. I barely have any conversations with anyone anymore, and I don’t even return the favour of reblogging their content. Because after all, I need my friends with bigger follow counts to reblog my stuff. That’s the only way my posts get attention and I get validation, after all. Seriously, look at posts reblogged by eclecticcoyote, and compare the notes there to those he doesn’t.

If I didn’t constantly send people like him posts, expecting a reblog, I probably wouldn’t have followers. I know my content wouldn’t get any attention without his help, and I feel disgusting because it just feels like I’m taking advantage of someone’s audience.

Although it’s probably better I don’t talk to people whatsoever. One friend I have... well had, I don’t expect him to contact me ever again. I’ll refer to him as B for now. B was dealing with issues related to his mental health and offline life. I initially reached out to him after he made a post about having no friends

And then I didn’t message him for a while and was surprised when he told coyote that he felt like I didn’t care about him.

I started crying at him like “I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry” (no I’m not kidding). I ended up talking with him through several emotional break downs, because I didn’t want him to kill himself. I had the nerve to talk like I knew what I was talking about during those times. I gave unhelpful advice, like “go for a run”, “punch a pillow”, etc. Hell, one time, I had the audacity to say that it felt impossible to talk to him because it didn’t seem like he wanted to listen to people trying to help him, and that he only heard what he wanted to hear.

And I shoved my personal issues onto him as well. Because, again, my life is so important.

Then, at some point he developed feelings for me. I don’t feel the same way about him. And at this point, he sees me as one of the people who have helped him out the most with his issues (ironic, considering how I likely just made his life worse). So, what did I do when he confessed to me?

Oh, you know, instead of being mature and responsible, I panicked, got another friend involved because “I don’t know how to deal with this 😭😭😭”, made B upset and depressed all over again, and I basically got someone else involved in what was a personal moment for him, betraying his trust and throwing privacy out the window.

I tried to apologize the next morning, but it was too late. I honestly hope he doesn’t try to contact me again, and realize that I have, and can only make his life worse.

I constantly keep freezing out friendships on here by not actually talking to people and just sending them post after post. Recently, one person who reached out to me and tried to be my friend? Looking at past conversations with her, I come off as disinterested in her and dismissive. I might not have intended to, but...

Oh, and then Coyote invited me to his discord server. I recently started deleting all my posts on there, so that nobody would have to waste time scrolling through my bullshit. I shit you not, I would go on essay long tangents about my characters and art, while, comparatively, the attention I gave to others’ content was close to none. And in the first couple months there? I still tried to help people when I clearly couldn’t.

For fucks sake, I even dragged people there into my own personal irl drama when they didn’t need it. The night I self harmed in front of my parents, I should have kept it to myself because I. Knew. That people there would become distressed by it. But nope, because my problems are so important.

I would say dumb shit that ended up upsetting people, I would post over people, and overall just act like a self entitled, annoying bitch.

Just yesterday? Someone I considered my friend shared an image of some characters of hers that were in a polyamourous relationship. And what did my dumbass do?

“You know, I find people in poly relationships admirable bc I have trouble hanging out with more than one person irl bc lol social anxiety and lalala, lemme make this all about meee~!”

And then someone replied saying that they don’t understand poly relationships but support them, then I’m pretty sure the who posted the picture got uncomfortable at that point.

And wouldn’t you know it, recently that person announced that they were taking a break, which hey fine, and they mentioned that some of the stuff said on the discord was upsetting them.

Gee, I wonder who contributed to that?

And then there’s my constant validation seeking, me being silly during situations where the person needs me to be serious, my overall inability to respond in a way someone should whenever people don’t enjoy things I suggest or share...

Look, maybe I’m overreacting and being stupid. Wouldn’t surprise me. I currently have no friends outside of discord and tumblr, and I’m constantly disappointing my family and everyone around me by always failing at everything no matter what.

I just don’t know what to do with myself anymore. I don’t even know if this is just me attempting to get validation or what.

I just... can’t do anything. I can’t trust myself to do anything. If someone requests that I do something, then fine I guess, but

I don’t want to hurt anyone else

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r3b3lgrrrrrrrl · 4 years

Text

A LunaTic and her Gunn (Part 109 2Xs2) "Welcome To The Hotel Diablo"

@crystalbaby12 @backoftheroomandnotbelonging @5sosfam1dlover @rosefilledhearts-blog

El Diablo begins play as the lights go up. The masses lose their minds at the sight of the full stage. Luna's next to Colson with Casie. Pete, Ashleigh, Dom and Ashley are close by. Sam's near Baze as Dub, Noah, Mod, Caroline, Naomi, Trippie and Skies spread out around them.

Only Colson has a mic but you can barely hear him as everyone rapid fires the lyrics with him. Luna dances with Pete, Ashleigh and Casie while teasing Colson as he moves around his friends on stage. All of them loudly shouting how they KEEP THEIR CIRCLE TIGHT.

It's a fun and unique sight. Something that will never be recreated again. A true gift from Colson to his original fan base.

"THANK YOU!! WE FUCKING LOVE YOU FAM!! SEE YOU AT ESTFEST!!" Colson screams as the lights go down one final time.

Kissing Casie's cheek, he glances over at Ashleigh. Her nod tells him she's Got It. With that, he slings a squealing Luna over his shoulder and trots OffStage. He's got his own Backstage Ritual to attend to.

------------------------------------------------

"That was so fucking intense, Bunny!" Luna exclaims once Colson sets her down.

"I know." His mouth buzzes into her's as they strip off each other's clothes.

Colson lifts Luna up onto the small table against the wall. Having lit a joint as he carried her down the hall, she lifts it to his lips.

"I love you." He lightly chuckles as he exhales.

Guiding his thick cock into her warm pussy, Luna groans out in pleasure. Wrapping her legs around him to pull him in closer as he begins to thrust into her. Luna sucks on Colson's neck before lifting the joint to his lips. Grabbing her by the back of her neck, he kisses her hard. Exhaling his hit and filling her lungs.

The extra carbon dioxide makes Luna heady. She closes her eyes and runs her hands through Colson's hair. Enjoying his cock as he plays with her pierced nipples and nibbles on her ear. There's a sweet electricity to Colson and Luna's sex. It's passionate and rough but not aggressive.

Clenching herself around his dick, Luna lowly moans out Colson's name. Letting him wash over her as she gets them high. Colson grips her ass and lower back, making his way deeper into her. With her head back and neck exposed, Colson draws his tongue over her tattooed skin before opening wide and biting her JUST enough to make them both cum.

"Holy FUUUUUCK, Bunny!!" Luna cries out as her body shakes with his in pleasure.

"Can't say I don't know your spots." Colson sighs with a grin as he kisses her.

"I love you too." Floats from between Luna's lips in a content sigh as she closes her eyes and leans her forehead against his.

-----------------------------------------------

Dressed in a pair of tight, black shorts, sheer tights, a printed black tank and knee high black boots, Luna's hair is still loose. Colson had tossed on a dark T and jeans while Luna had cut out their lines. Burning, kissing and snorting before making their way BackStage.

Everyone's in high spirits, celebrating the epic show and album's success. Casie reminds her dad of the necklaces and helps Colson pass off the coveted Double X chains to Naomi, Trippie, Ashleigh, Skies and Dub. They all go on to toast Colson, Hotel Diablo's release and each other while hugging and joking together.

It's not long before they have to head out to Velvet Dog for the release party. Casie gets huge GoodByes and Love before Bullet leads her and Ashleigh out to a private SUV. Her and Bullet will meet back up with them after dropping off Casie to Emma.

------------------------------------------------

The rest of them pile into multiple other SUVs. They're headed DownTown to a smaller, more intimate nightclub. Each of them chatting, drinking and getting stoned along the way in the five seperate vehicles.

Leaving Agora wasn't a problem. Pulling up to Velvet Dog, they can see it's gonna be much more of a hassle getting in there. Fans and The Paparazzi are surrounding it from all angles. The venue's own security is doing it's best at controlling the chaos. Benny's driving Colson, Luna, Rook, Baze and Sam.

"What do you wanna do, Kells?" Benny asks looking over his shoulder.

"Fuck it, make a path and let's get the fuck in there." He shrugs at Benny. Turning to Luna, he looks at her seriously. "Do NOT let go of my hand." He asserts before kissing her.

Luna nods a silent Yes as Benny taps on the window. Grabbing Luna's hand, he confirms everyone's ready before opening the door. Making Luna laugh when he shouts WE OUT.

Outside in the dark it's bright. It's loud. People are aggressive and Colson is on a mission. Clutching Luna's hand, he pulls her through the crowd behind Benny. Colson's super focused. Knowing how much she hates crowds, he's trying to successfully get them inside before anyone can stop them, seperate them or say anything to piss either of them off.

He does. Like a champion. Winning him a thousand happy kisses from a grateful Luna.

-----------------------------------------------

Inside is just as crazy. Record executives are there. Other artists from Interscope. More family and friends from Cleveland along with fellow supportive friends who flew in from LA and Philly.

Normally ones to seperate and work their own aspects of a room, Colson keeps Luna close to him tonight. She doesn't mind, happily staying by his side as he introduces her to those she doesn't know and they greet mutual acquaintances and friends they have together. Watching them in action, they truly are a Power Couple. Both of them smart, charming, gorgeous and engaging. Easily laughing and enjoying each other as they glide through to the nightclub celebrating Colson and The Boys.

They run into Johnny, Colson's partner in his 27 Club coffee venture. Unlike Dub, Johnny isn't leery of Luna. Colson listening with amusement as the two easily connect over music, the pain of starting up a business and his shocking love of her paintings.

"Yeah, I caught your exhibit back in '15.... Your shit is incredible. I wanted to buy a piece but none of it was for sale surprisingly..." Johnny trails off with furrowed eyebrows.

"That's myyy girl for ya." Colson laughs as he tosses his arm carefully around Luna's shoulders. "Dawg, she's a snob. She don't sell shit... if I didn't hear them myself, I wouldn't even believe she has seven fucking records!" He laughs looking down at Luna's rolling eyes as he kisses her forehead.

"Maaan..." Luna begins to whine with a smile.

"Why don't you sell your stuff?" Johnny asks.

"I hate you." Luna lightly chuckles as she nuzzles her head against Colson's chest before answering Johnny. "Most of my physical work is made for someone or something intentional. I'm not comfortable with someone else owning something that holds my intimacy with another." She tries to explain to his accepting nod.

"So then why release your music?" Colson challenges her.

"Because that's universal.... And it's MY guts I'm bearing not some..."

"You got like 20 mins, Kells." Ashleigh interupts them.

"Oh shit, alright. You coming with me, Kitten?" He asks looking down at her.

"Of course." She reassures with a smile. "We'll catch up later. It was a pleasure to meet you." Luna beams as she shakes Johnny's hand.

Before he can agree, she's gone. Hand in hand with Colson. Blonde hair trailing behind her like a memory.

------------------------------------------------

Their performances during the record release party were equally on point. Some more fun while others are more thought provoking and gut wrenching.

Catching certain faces before he had hit the stage, Colson decided to have Luna pop OnStage during Hollywood Whore. Cutting in only to recite the changed lyrics the way he wanted her to. As always, on and off stage, Luna was nothing short of a wreckage to be dealt with. Her powerful voice reaming out the room with Colson's truth as she moved her tiny, tattooed body seductively around her Lover before propping herself against his slender one.

🎶It's because of y'all//He couldn't understand//The worth of his career//'Cause of y'all//He hated himself//For so many years//'Cause of you//He never thought//That he could trust//But//You better watch your back//Cuz he's about to wife//ME up🎶

Her slip in had been flawless. Sending their friends into an uproar as Colson grabbed Luna's ass. Neither missing a beat while she trotted OffStage.

The rest of the gig went off without a hitch. Smoke and lights exploded around them constantly while Naomi and Phem's voices were on perfect pitch. Trippie and Lil Skies nailed their own features with Colson and Dom killing their performance of I Think I'm Okay.

With no encore planned, Luna and Colson went HARD on Bad Things. Both of their voices strong as The Boys roared behind them and they passionately played and pushed off each other. Their performance intense and extremely sexual as Luna ran the stage with her presence and Colson with his guitar. To this day, it's both of their favorite times OnStage.

------------------------------------------------

Trying to escape to his dressing room with a laughing Luna over his shoulder, Colson is stopped. By Diddy and Jimmy Iovine of all fucking people. Setting her down, the couple addresses the two men.

"Yo!! Be proud, Son. That shit was fire!!" Diddy proudly proclaims as he pulls Colson in for a full on hug.

Luna and Jimmy stand eyeballing each other. He doesn't know what to say to her and she's not fucking up Colson's Big Night.

"You too, Kid!" Sean says to Luna as he pulls her in for a hug once he's released Colson.

"That was an extraordinary show." Jimmy says, offering his hand to Colson.

"Thank you. I appreciate that. I leave everything I have OnStage every time I perform." Colson answers as he shakes his hand.

"It shows." Jimmy nods his head, never seeing Colson perform before he's beyond impressed by the underrated artist.

"He's going overseas..." Sean says to Luna as Jimmy and Colson interact.

"I know." Luna answers with a nod.

"With Hotel Diablo debuting so high, if the momentum keeps up I'm adding more US dates after." He says as he studies her reaction.

"Then you better get us a bigger bus... And. I don't want fucking Don." Luna eyes Diddy with a seriousness to her tone.

"What's your problem with him?" He asks with a laugh.

"He's a fucking douche who has no respect for Colson.... You know how I feel about that, Sean." Luna giving two answers that they both know.

"Alright, no Don." Diddy laughs at her.

"And a bigger bus?" Luna pushes.

"We'll see." Colson's boss laughs at his girlfriend. "Just don't mention any extra dates. I don't wanna hype him up til I'm sure..."

"So, bigger bus?" Luna smirks.

"Yeah. Bigger bus, you bitch." Diddy laughs as he pulls her in for a hug. "He's lucky to have you. You're one of the very FEW I give into." He continues to laugh as he kisses her cheek.

"I know." Luna grins at him. "And I love and appreciate you for it." She asserts before squeezing him again tightly and making him laugh even more.

"You better marry this bitch before she changes her mind!" Diddy continues laughing as Luna releases him from their hug.

"Psh... As quick as I can, Boss." Colson laughs as Luna tucks herself under his arm.

"YEEEOOOOOO!!!" Comes a loud voice above them.

"Looks like you got more shit to attend to. We'll catch up soon. Congratulations, Slick. I'm proud of you." Diddy says, dapping it out and hugging Colson once more before disappearing with Jimmy.

"I SAID YEEEOOOOOO!!" Tyree shouts as he bursts through the BackStage crowd.

"My mans!!" Colson hollers in delight as they embrace each other while Lamar and Luna happily greet each other in the meantime. "You made it!!" Colson says excitedly.

"Yeah... But without Ash we'd be dust in the wind, Homie." Ree replies with an annoyed look.

"My bad, Yo. But you're HERE!!" Colson shouts as he pulls Luna, Lamar and Tyree in for a group hug.

"Look at these motherfuckers." Dub comes up with a laugh.

Lamar and Tyree turn to greet their longtime friend. Dapping and laughing, the boys catch up while Luna stands awkwardly amongst them. Finding her exit clause, Dub calls her out.

"She don't like me." He teases her.

"Nah, Motherfucker. Don't put that shit on me.... You're the one who came up in here all Strong Man, Strong Man." Luna cocks her lip as she narrows her eyes.

Standing amidst Lamar and Tyree, Colson can't help but laugh at Dub from behind her. They may know... But he has no idea what he's in for.

"I don't know what your fucking problem with me is or where the fuck you get your Word from but until you climb on that bus or in a house with us... You better check your resources MOTHERFUCKER cuz you don't know shit. Bestfriends or not, we can buck. Right here. Right fucking now." Luna snarls with squared shoulders and a deadly look in her eyes.

"Ho!! Calm down, Shorty!!" Dub laughs, putting his hands up. "Don't shoot. I don't wanna fight, I was just pressen' you. You know. I gotta make sure you live up to that hype if you gonna lock my boy down!" Dub continues to laugh.

"What's goin' on over here?" Slim asks as he throws his arms around Luna and Dub.

"You, Bitch." Luna asserts as she ducks out from under his weight. "Don't think I don't fucking know." She spouts as her drunken eyes bounce between Slim and Dub. "It's alright though... He'll learn just like you did." She asserts as she snakes her head at both of them before dropping a middle finger, a kiss on Colson's long neck and turning to find someone more fun to hang out with.

"For real?" Colson asks both of them.

"Hey, I'm just goin' off what Slim said." Dub defends himself.

"Dawg, I AIN'T SPOKE TO YOU IN LIKE A WEEK!!" Slim uncharacteristically shouts, refusing to be thrown under the bus.

"Annnnnnnnd?" Dub cocks back.

"SHIT CHANGES!!" Slim continues to holler at his high school friend.

"Yo... Yo... Yo... Chill." Colson interupts them. "If anyone should be pissed it should be me, you back alley bitches. You got questions, words or problems with me and Luna, you come to ME. Don't be a couple of old lady pussies talking shit behind my fucking back."

"It wasn't shit, Kells." Slim starts to explain.

"It was enough for Dub-O to form a negative opinion about her before meeting her though, wasn't it.?" Colson shoots back as he tries to hold his anger.

Slim looks down sheepishly at Colson's words. He hadn't trusted Luna. At all, for a while. Even after she'd thrown down for his bestfriend multiple times. It wasn't until she stepped up when Bleta threatened Ashleigh and Benny and refused to lie to Colson, did Slim finally accept her. Dub doesn't know these things though because he wasn't on tour with them.

"Hey... Hey... Hey..." Dub comes jogging up behind Luna. "I'm sorry..." He says as he grabs onto her shoulder.

It's the wrong choice. The music and noise are too loud. The small BackStage area is filled with too many people. Not hearing Dub and only feeling his firm hand upon her, the New Yorker in Luna kicks in as she turns and lands a solid blow straight into his nose. Busting it wide open as he stumbles back off of his feet and onto the floor.

"WHAT THE FUUUUUCK!!" Dub shouts as he grasps his face.

"Don't ever fucking touch me." Luna replies emotionlessly before grabbing her leather and disappearing.

------------------------------------------------

"Hey.... You okay?" Colson asks after finding Luna alone on the steps out back of the nightclub.

"I don't know... I think I'm losing my shit..." Luna sighs as she passes the lit joint she has to Colson.

"Why?" He asks as he takes a hit.

"I don't know... I just laid out one of your bestfriends, was rude to a fan on the street and fought with my Mom-Mom all in the last 3 days ." Luna let's out with an annoyed sigh.

"Why'd you fight with Patti?" Colson asks.

"Fuck me and my big stupid mouth." Luna mentally curses herself.

"It's nothing." She tries to brush Colson off.

"No, it's not." Colson isn't having her bullshit, he knows Luna doesn't fight with her grandmother.

"I need a PreNump." She sighs with frustration.

"Okay?" Colson asks with confusion.

"What do you mean okay?" Luna's drunk and irrational.

"I mean okay. I'm not marrying you for your shit so.... OKAY. I'll sign whatever as long as I still get YOU. That's all I want, Baby." His voice breaks as he climbs on to the step behind her and wraps himself around a confused Luna. "You."

"You don't care what the PreNump includes?" She asks with a slight attitude.

"No. I don't give a fuck." Grabbing her chin, he pulls her eyes to him. "I'm marrying you, Luna. Not THAT Brooklyn Bitch. Not Patti Smith and Robert Maplethorpe's granddaughter. Not the coolest chick in The World. Just you. My own personal Addy." He grins as he begins to attack her with sweet, sloppy kisses.

"Ahhhh!!! Stop!" Luna giggles as she tries to wiggle out of Colson's grasp. It doesn't work. Submitting, she holds his face in her hands as she stares into his beautiful blue eyes. "Thank you." She says first as she gently kisses his lips. "And I'm sorry for hitting Dub."

"He shouldn't have fucked with you." Colson replies with a shrug and a smirk. "Back inside, please?" He asks as he stands and offers Luna his hand.

"Yeah." She agrees as she rises to kiss him.

------------------------------------------------

Back inside, the nightclub is going off. The DJ playing Hotel Diablo again in full as everyone dances and grooves. The words maybe alarmingly dark but the bop is on point.

"Yo. My bad." Dub immediately approaches Colson and Luna. "I was just trying to fuck wit you and clearly I shouldn't." He apologizes with a light laugh.

"No. I shouldn't have just swung, I'm sorry." Luna apologizes as she begins to rub her forehead.

"Nah, Ma, you good. I pushed to see how hard you'd rock... I didn't expect this shit but now I know!" Dub laughs at himself.

"I still feel like an Asshole." Luna admits.

"You good. I'd rather have Kells with a chick holding a solid right than some VSCO boujie bitch. We ride hard... And as much as it kills me to say it... I think you might ride harder!" Dub laughs again as Colson joins him.

"Enh... I got my name for a reason. Still, I'm really sorry about all that." Luna says as she gestures towards his nose.

"Stories, B. Stories." Dub winks at her with a smile as he opens his arms.

With that, Luna and Dub become friends. Her appreciating the lengths he will go to for Colson. Him respecting her fierce loyalty and the strong right fist she has for herself and her man.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

The album release party is still in full swing. Colson dips off as Luna grabs her and Dub drinks before she looks at his nose. Apologizing for the thousandth time to his laughter before they make their own way into the party.

Sam and Baze are making out like teenagers in a corner. Luna finds Naomi, The Ash's and Dom as Floor 13 kicks in. Drinks in hand, they jive, jerk and rap along Colson and the unique beat. Colson's with Slim, Benny, Pete, Mar, Ree and Dub by the bar busting it up. Noah, Caroline, Mod and Phem find Luna, the Ash's and Dom, easily coaxing them to the dance floor as Roulette begins. Rook can be found macken' on girls with Trippie and Skies while Bullet watches all from his perch at the bar.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"What cha guys doin'..." Luna asks as she approaches The Boys at the bar.

Bad choice. Colson and Pete immediately pounce on her like the night at 30 Rock. Linking their arms together, they catch her again like they're playing London Bridge. Shaking her all about as they happily sing their made up song.

🎶We gotta Moon Pie. We'll never let her get by🎶

"Whhhyyyy????" Luna moans as they justle her back and forth.

🎶Even when she asks why. She's our drunken Moon Pie🎶

They continue to laugh as they toss her around. It takes strategic planning to get out of a mess like this, only a skilled mind could handle the pressure. Being a smart cookie, Luna turns and throws her arms around Colson's neck and pulls him in for a perfectly distracting kiss. With her fingers climbing up his neck into his hair and her tongue dancing in his mouth, Colson has no choice but to let go of Pete's hands as they begin to roam around Luna. Pressing his large palm in between her shoulder blades as he kisses her deeply.

"Man... Fuck you guys." Pete complains as he leaves them be.

"🎶And a Moon Pie got away🎶 Luna sings to herself as she enjoys Colson's mouth much more than his and Pete's stupid ass game.

"Mmmm... You may taste good but you're not slick." Colson smirks once their mouths seperate.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Luna replies with a devilish smile.

"Okay, Moon Pie." Colson laughs before kissing her again. "Grab a drink?" He asks as he gazes at her.

"Yeup." Luna smiles brightly at Colson, standing on her tippy toes to kiss him before they make their way to the bar.

"KELLS!!!" Naomi comes barreling up to Colson, grabbing him around the waist into a huge hug. "I haven't seen you but I met Luna!!" She exclaims. "I LOVE her. Where is she??" Naomi adamantly asks.

"Right here." Colson laughs, pointing behind him to Luna's back, she's facing the bar ordering them drinks.

"She is the best." Naomi drunkenly decides. "Do you know that she keeps dry shampoo in her bag and that she's got these weed candies that taste like yellow SweetTarts? She gave me two. One for now and one for later... Who does that, Bro? She's like a tiny, beautiful, little, tattooed drug pixie. I think you should marry her." Naomi declares.

"Good thing you chose first then, hunh?" Luna comments with a huge smile as she joins Colson and Naomi.

Holding her Old Fashioned, she passes Colson his Henny straight up. Always having a trick up her sleeve, Luna easily passes Naomi her seltzer and lime as a vodka and seltzer. She's too drunk to tell the difference and water is gooood.

"I love this SON OF A BITCH!!" Naomi shouts as she grabs ahold of Colson. "Will you take a quick picture of us?" She asks Luna, handing over her phone.

"Sure... Hold on... Ready?" Luna asks trying to set them up.

It's in the the dark. On a phone's camera. In a club. Looking at it, it is definitely NOT her best work.

"I can retake it." Luna offers.

"No!! I love it" Naomi gushes as she hugs Luna. "Catch you later?" She asks, pointing at Colson's confused nod. Two quick kisses to each of their cheeks and she's off with a "Cool... Love you guuuuyyyysssss!"

"She's fantastic." Luna states as she watches Naomi disappear.

"SHOTS!" Rook hollers as he makes his way towards Luna and Colson.

"So, I heard you hit Dub." Rook immediately states once they've downed the clear liquor.

"What the fuck... I'm never gonna live that down." Luna groans as she puts her head in her hands.

"Nope." Colson and Rook say in unison, their laughter makes Luna groan even more.

The release party keeps going. Top shelf liquor easily flowing. Everyone's having a blast. Dancing, drinking and joking as they enjoy each other's company. They keep the party rolling until they're kicked out around 430A.

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Almost EVERYBODY comes back to Colson's. That would be The Blonde Don himself, THAT Brooklyn Bitch, Rook, Ashley, Dom, Lamar, Tyree, Noah, Caroline, Phem, Mod, Trippie, Skies, Benny, Bullet and a gaggle of girls.

Ashleigh had decided to go home to her family instead. While Baze and Sam tried to catch some privacy at his spot and Naomi some sleep in her hotel. Slim deciding not to go home but to follow the party as it rages on.

Always having instruments on hand, they begin a jam session. Starting off with the original riffs from Hotel Diablo before twisting them into acoustic versions. Luna and Noah subbing in for Naomi when needed.

Alcohol and blunts roll through the room as they run through different songs, joke and laugh at each other. The party going well into the ACTUAL sunshining morning.

"Yo. That could work.... That acoustic jawn. It's something different and totally sick..." Slim tells Colson as he stops him and Luna on their way upstairs, knowing exactly the seed he's planting.

-----------------------------------------------

"I'm so proud of you." Luna coos as she pulls off her shirt and bra.

"I'm proud of those titties!" A naked Colson laughs. "Now bring 'em hear!" He demands as he pulls Luna closer to him and buries his face in her plump breasts.

"Mmmm.... Show me more of what your proud of." Luna giggles.

"I'm proud of this nipple and this nipple." He says as he lightly nips at them. "I'm proud of this scorpion." He says as he traces it with his tongue. Pulling her shorts off, he kisses each thing. "I'm proud of this leg and this leg...." Colson looks up at her with a cocky grin, grabbing her ass cheeks he pulls her closer to his face. "I'm proud of this pussy." His deep voice says, his lips just barely touching her lips but his baritone easily vibrating her skin.

"Alright." Luna pants as she pulls his face up to hers. "You got me, now give it to me." She says after she kisses his soft lips.

"Get on the bed the way I like." Colson directs Luna.

On all fours she goes, ass in the air, perky and dying in anticipation. Colson gives her one HARD

❗SLAP❗

Making her squirm in delight before dragging her closer to him by her hips. Running his fingers along her lips he can feel her dripping for him. Reaching around, he sticks his finger in her mouth as he enters her. Luna's back arches as she sucks her juices off his finger. Both moaning in pleasure as Colson makes his way deep inside of her.

Releasing her mouth, Colson slaps her ass again. Making Luna buck against him. Slamming her ass into his hips as he fucks her from behind. Colson runs his hand up Luna's bare slender back to the base of her hair. Wrapping his fingers inside her long locks, he grips her hip tighter. Demanding her to cum.

Luna's already came twice before so a yank of the hair is just icing on the cake. Letting her body go, she shakes and quivers as she feels Colson's dick pulsate inside of her as he drops his load.

"Fuck, Luna." Escapes from his pants as he moves her hair to kiss her lower neck, making her purr.

They lay there quietly, Colson's still inside of Luna as he plays with her hair. Just as she's about to drift off, his voice brings her back to reality.

"You're still gonna go tomorrow?" Colson asks lowly as they lay together.

"I have to." She replies lightly as she tries to train her breath.

"You HAVE to take a shit. "You don't HAVE to see Jackson." Colson states as a matter of fact as he rolls out of her.

"But I do have to mindfully wipe my ass after I take a shit." Luna retorts irritated by his frustration.

"What does that even fucking mean?" Colson jerks his head to look at her.

"I don't know..." She giggles as she pulls his face close. "I don't wanna fight though... Can we just be? We never get to just be." Luna says as she drunkenly snuggles into Colson neck.

"You're coming home tomorrow?" He asks with a trembling assertiveness to his tone.

"Absolutely.... Now, can we just be Us?" She answers with a pout as she lifts her head to kiss his neck in reassurance before snuggling deeper into him.

"Yeah, we can just be Us." He sighs as he holds her naked body close to his and kisses her tossled hair.

"It better be just Us...." Colson's heart pounds. "I swear to God, I'll kill 'em both.... Fuck, she's gonna leave me like my mom... She can't... I'll will FUCK some MAJOR shit up... Calm down, Kells. You trust her.... Don't fuck this up by spinning out.... You're not Justin.... You've got her. She KNOWS that.... She loves you." Colson's mind is trying to battle all the underlying insecurities that are bubbling up.

"Bunny... You feel alright?" Luna sits up asking.

"Yeah... Why?" Colson lies.

"Because I can feel you not breathing and your heart pounding through your chest... So... What's up?" She asks as she begins to stroke his hair.

"Ahhhh... Nerves." He sighs, half lying now.

"About?" Luna pries as she continues to stroke his blonde hair.

"Fucking Jackson." He slightly admits as he reaches for a joint.

"And...." Luna continues to lead as he sparks it.

"And that you'll leave me like my mom did." He exhales a cloud of frustrated smoke.

Luna pulls Colson into her chest. Stroking his hair again, she's silent as they share the joint. It's not an awkward silence. It's the sad silence of two children who never had their mothers for different reasons.

Once the joints finished, neither need to speak. Colson reaching over to turn the side light off as Luna slides down comfortably into the bed. Resting his head on the pillow with her arm under his neck, they lay face to face in the dark. Colson pulls her closer by the small of her back as they tangle their legs inside each other. Luna let's out a shuddered breath of content as she falls into Colson's body and hold. Stroking his face, in the dark, there's no words. Just a heartfelt, lingering kiss and one thought that drifts between them both as they fall asleep.

"FUCK, I fucking love you."

----------------------------------------------

Word Limit 2 of 2

To be continued.....

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abri-chan · 4 years

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I'm only in a few discords and don't even share fanfics in servers anymore: it wasn't worth the return of time spent since I'd mostly get readers on ao3 and from advertising on Tumblr and Twitter. But it proves my point that a lot of threads and posts people share about supporting writers is just lip service, and a way to pat ourselves in the back that we're good fandom citizens and do care.

The fact that fandom writers came to attack me, a fandom writer, when I just pointed out that maybe if fans don't treat us with respect we should treat each other with respect, and maybe we as writers read from our fellow writers and boost. That there's a problem with writers themselves that we care more to kiss up to artists than interact with fellow writers, and this exacerbates the problem of fandom already seeing us as second class citizens. That writers also fall prey to the same behaviors we criticize when consuming fics: we don't promote fics or writers we like, we don't read outside of our comfort zone (maybe if you read ships then read gen, or vice versa), etc. And sometimes we even shun other writers, even in fandom circles or servers meant for writers only.

But somewhat what fellow writers got from my thread (now deleted on Twitter, but you may find it somewhere on Tumblr) was me being salty that people don't read my gen fics, and "sorry people in the servers aren't pissing themselves to read your works or pander to you", and maybe I should shut up bc these servers are there to help writers and I'm talking shit.

All the while, earlier that day, tags and threads on how writers need to be treated better were shared around Twitter, and by other writers too presumably. You say writers should be free to talk about their experiences, but when you don't like what we say, when we say something that you can't relate to, it's suddenly okay to ridicule us and claim that we are entitled. So which is it? Are we entitled or undervalued? And yes, so much for writer solidarity, bc writers also attack other writers that disagree with them.

"Readers should explore more fics and not see reading as commitment when compared to consuming art."

"Hell yeah!"

"Writers should also do the same when it comes to exploring the work of fellow writers."

"Wow, how dare you! Are you going to assign us summer reads? Shut up, no one gives a shit other writers were mean to you."

These were more or less comments I actually got (not verbatim bc I don't remember the exact phrasing).

Anyways, you don't have to give a shit about what I write. I may not write what is popular but I know I'm good. And I write to get better at telling the stories I want to tell. I write to explore, so that one day I can be at the right stage to publish original work. And even then I will write bc there are stories I want to tell. And I will keep pushing the ways I can tell these stories.

Yes, I like sharing my stories with others, but I'm not deluded that I can force anyone to read if they don't want to. To paraphrase Saitama in One Punch Man: I don't ask for fans, but it would be nice if someone noticed what I've been doing. I can't lie that it's not nice to get validation or get people excited over my stories. But I can't force people to validate me.

Every writer knows they can't draw validation out of people. So I felt really hurt that I trusted I could share my experiences and pinpoint problems I may not have solutions to, but at least I'm shedding light on them. Only to be attacked by popular/older fic writers; good for you--you keep clutching that popularity tight and let me write on characters no one gives a shit about. I wasn't even attacked on merit or talent at this point; just on having had experiences in general. You sure showed me writers don't shun or antagonize other writers but doing exactly that.

***

If anyone wants to share their experiences, writer or not, my asks are open.

I will only delete if you send hate, bc I don't want to extend my energy to that. Keep screaming into the void.

#anime manga rambles #fandom #writers #artists #people don't want to check themselves first #just point at others

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thelocalshooter · 4 years

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The Local Shooter Vs. Kira

(LS) Goodmorning thank you being part of this great come up, and welcome, so Kira; do you mind telling us where you’re from and why it is that you do?

(K) Originally I’m from Mesa but I been all around, I initially got into making music by making beats. This was when I was living In Alexandria Virginia, I had a homie who had the same interests in music as me and we would try to create our own version of shit we were listening to. The homie actually put me on to a lot of legends in this scene We were barley walking into. Those artists consist of Lil Ugly Mane, Supasortahuman, and SpaceGhostPurrp, just to name a few. These influences really shaped the type of sounds I was using in my beats. I eventually started releasing my beats as $limKira just before I turned 18. I would promote myself on twitter a lot by posting little snippets of beats I was working on at that time. People would fuck with it and I was really social on my Twitter at that time always working making new connections, always sending out beats that type of shit, I happened to find myself in a group chat full of artists that were from a lot of different parts of the country and I just kept building from there. Eventually I turned 18 and made my way back home to Az were all this music shit for me really started and where I Progressed into becoming an artist of my own. FuccKira.

(LS) Being from Arizona how do you feel the music scene has changed in the last couple years? I know we’ve had prior interaction through Ace McCain but doing it back then I’m sure was a bit more different and definitely harder based off the fact people didn’t really have venue selections, or even ways to get music recorded, but now everyone is throwing shoes left and right! Do you think Arizona separates themselves within groups or? As far as being an east valley or west valley artist.

(K) Not too familiar with Ace McCain but I’m really close with Multiplexes out there, he pretty much took me under his wing when everything else didn’t pan out as planned, really good and genuine dude he is. But to be honest I feel like I haven’t been in Arizona in so long I can’t give an opinion on the current state of the music scene, I know when I was out there in 2017-2018 the group I was with would get shows at club red or it’d be a warehouse show and shit would be jumpin. Recording wasn’t really a problem for me cause we’d just record at a homies crib or wherever we were staying at, it’s all about the mixing lmao but a lot of bridges since then have been burned so for me now it’s really a matter of staying true and making good music. Don’t get me wrong although the Music scene in Arizona can get hectic, it is definitely full of talent no matter where your from within it or who you fuck with out there, and just for the record I have love for everyone out there It takes a lot to be an artist and to be a successful one at that and so it’s always respect from my side.

(LS) You’ve released many projects and have done a handful of shows, why do you think you’re still missing as an artist? Are you constantly elevating yourself to be greater or are you still trying to figure it out yourself?

(K) Facts, I have released many tracks but they’re not anything I would say I’m proud of and that’s why I’m missing as an artist because I’m still trying to figure out what music I love making. I haven't truly focused on only myself or my own progression with my music and that’s another reason why I feel I’m still missing as an artist, my confidence behind each track needs to be 100% in order for me to drop and feel good about it. That’s why most of my tracks are on private and I’ve only got 3 tracks on my SoundCloud currently . They need to be worth listening. I want people to hear my music and want the next track immediately. Shows are always fun and give people a way of seeing a face behind the music, my experience with shows has taught me it really brings a better connection with your audience/fanbase when your up there performing what they been bumping on their own time, that was a big favorite of mine out there was seeing the energy at each show. I remember waking up the next day after my first show with my whole body sore ready to schedule the next one. As far as the question goes I’m still trynna figure myself out as an artist, but progress is definitely being made. I’m always looking to make a better track than my last, so I would also say it’s a goal of mine to continue to exceed my own Expectations.

(LS) What the next move? You currently dropped “Voodoo” (https://soundcloud.com/fucckira/voodoo-prod-srry ) over 48 hours ago, now do you plan on doing any visuals or are you already back in the booth?

(K) A visual would be cool for the track, I might look into getting one made for it if the track continues to do well. Visuals are 2nd to my priority when it comes to what I’m trynna do right now. Actually releasing quality music is my main focus right now but like I said I’d be down to do a video, I actually know a couple people that can get that done. As far as any new music I do have a song ready to release prod. rose (my lil bro) , it’s wild my lil bro watched me do all this shit as a kid and now he’s making beats for other artists and myself. Deadass makes better beats than I ever did and he makes em off his phone lmaoo fuck a beat pad kids only 15 too. No doubt in my mind he’s gonna be successful. Lil dude is already building connections wit people on his own it’s only a matter of time.

K- Goals for me this year is to really gain and maintain a steady fan base. Thats something I’ve always strived for and wanted, I love when people give me feedback on how the songs make them feel, like I said energy is a big thing for me. I also would like to finally figure myself out as an artist and find my own sound I feel like I’m on my way there. Besides music I fuck with clothes heavy my homie Albert owns a brand out there called Macabre, fuckin ridiculous. I don’t own a single shirt that doesn’t say macabre. Anyway I would be down to do modeling for any upcoming clothing designers or any street wear brands. I’ve done it in the past for Garza out in AZ, (idk if your familiar) but it’s pretty cool would love more opportunities like that from other designers/brands.

(LS) With music being a main focus for you I’m sure it has a heavy impact on your life, when do you first remember falling in love with music? Was it a certain track? A certain time in your life?

K- I remember the first major thing I did for

music was use the money I had saved up for a

car to buy a new computer to make music on

because my laptop had completely died. Had to use my skate board to get everywhere until I turned 18 and got a car lmao. During this time in my life my parents trust in me was at 0 so I pretty much was secluded to my room most of the time making beats and getting high. Music was all I had when I felt I had nothing so I believe buying that computer was a pretty fuckin good decision. Just wish I coulda used Uber back then lmao

(LS) As an artist, do you find it difficult to work with other artist? Especially other local artist? Being that everyone in Arizona has their own sound, do you usually go out of state for collabs or how does that work?

K- working with other artist isn’t hard at all. I’m very straight forward when it comes to the music ima be working on. If I dont fuck with it I’ll tell you and try to find something I can get a hit with us both on. As far as Collabs go I don’t like doing them if I’m being honest. Reason being I just truly believe I’m better off on my own shit UNLESS the energy is right. If we in the Stu and everything is going right and the engineer knows what he’s doing and everythings organic then fuck yeah that’s a collab ima fuck with. Dont get me wrong I still got collabs on the way. matter of fact I have a few with some artist out of El Paso, TX

Chris Apex , Saybien and Jesse Commas just to name a few.

(LS) Are you looking to stay independent? Or to sign a deal one day? What’s your game plan as far as career wise? And why? Which do you think will help you more in the long run?

K- I wouldn’t be opposed to signing a deal one day but the freedom of being an independent artists is something that would be hard to give up. I’m really early in this scene as far as being an artist so for now I’m just focused on releasing quality music and gaining a loyal fan base. I feel if my supporters are behind me with every track I drop it’s bound to bring me more opportunities in the future.

(LS) Making music for over 5 years already, what’s are some tips or struggles you faced as an artist you’d like to let new up and coming artist know? Any motivation you can give knowing how hard the grind is?

K- lmao don’t join any groups. Stick to yourself. Be transparent and be consistent! Don’t be scared to be social either that’s how you build connections. When I first started I would send beats to MY favorite artists for ex. Supasortahuman was one of the first artist to follow me back and support my music by telling me through dm. That was wild to me because like I said previously he was an inspiration for me when I was barley starting making beats. For him to tell me he fucks with my music and he keeps up with me really gave me the motivation to keep making music and sending it out.You never know. Shouts out sortahuman too he still supporting the music I make as an artist.

(LS) Thank you again for being apart of this great come up and is there any last things you’d like to mention to the viewers? And links you wanna add where they can check out your music or even contact you? Much love Kira!

(K) Viewers can keep up with me through my social media’s!

Instagram.com/fucckira

Twitter.com/fucckira

Also my Music Links:

SoundCloud.com/fucckira

Apple Music: https://music.apple.com/us/artist/fucckira/1485190577

Spotify:

https://open.spotify.com/artist/0brnKNJ2UDC6e4dAOXU6YN?si=mx245oXGTEO6WtaBlRLK3Q

Thank you for the opportunity to let y’all know a little bit about me and what my goals are looking like this year. I appreciate all the love and support. More music coming soon!

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gaawachan · 5 years

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So... Mulan... I’m Not Happy :(

I'll be the first to admit that there were some problems with Disney's Mulan. Mushu is a very important secondary character, but he should not have been a dragon. The emperor never should have bowed her her and she should not have touched him; the Emperor was poorly done all-around. There were some artistic errors that were culturally insensitive as I recall. Chi Fu was not so great and his character really needs to be updated (not to be more likeable, but to be less of a caricature). There's a gag involving a panda that should be written out. The ancestors thing ought to be completely cut. There is an over-reliance on some stereotypical tropes that ought to be at least downplayed in a new film if they aren’t servicing the story with their over-emphasis. Easily the worst thing about the film is the dehumanizing depiction of the Huns. These are all problems that can be easily fixed without outright scrapping 9/10ths of the cast. . I was planning to talk about Mushu first, but I think it's impossible to talk about Mushu without talking about Mulan, so that's where we're going to start.

In the Disney film, Mulan is NOT trained in combat, but she is smart and a quick problem-solver, agile, and dedicated. Mulan's angst is not so much that society doesn't value her for what she has to offer, but that what she has to offer is not enough for her to feel of worth to society. In other words, the expectations placed upon women in this setting are something that Mulan internalized and she finds herself wanting in them, because she cannot perform the ideal female standard in her society and if she can't do that, then she has no worth. The important take from all of this is that isn't raging against society. She's raging against her own inability to be an ideal female archetype in her society.

Mulan ends up joining the military for two reasons. The first is her father's physical state. The second is a desperate desire not to prove her worth to society, but to prove her worth to herself. Once in the military, she particularly struggles with training; unlike in the folklore, she is not used to this particular form of labor, and she nearly gives up until she comes to the realization that her training isn't something that she is supposed to brute force her way through. It is ultimately in the military that Mulan finds her intellect to be of value, something of hers that she can see is contributing meaningfully.

However, just like throughout most of history, Mulan's worth and behavior is judged on the merit of her gender first and foremost, which is why her gender reveal after the battle at the pass take her to such a low... and this is also why Mushu is an important character. Mushu, more than anyone else in the narrative, is the one who bolsters Mulan's self-worth. . I already said that Mushu should not be a dragon. But he also should STILL BE IN THE MOVIE. Mushu is the most important animal side-kick in Disney history within the associated movie. Within Disney's Mulan, there is an admonishment directed to society about placing people in positions where they feel they need to be something they are not in order to retain or acquire social standing, something that doesn't do much for a person's self-worth. Mushu has, throughout the narrative, lied about his own identity and role... to MULAN, and unlike her, he's done it purely for his own self-interest. That is not to say he is unhelpful; his presence and actions actually save a lot of people, Mulan included, but just like Mulan, that fails to address the underlying issue of self-worth. It is in this moment of Mulan's weakness that Mushu confesses this.

"Mushu: The truth is, we're both frauds. Your ancestors didn't send me; they don't even like me. I mean, you risked your life to help people you love. I risked your life to help myself. At least you had good intentions. Mulan: ...... Let's go home. Mushu: Yeah. This ain't gonna be pretty. But don't you worry, okay? Things will work out. We started this thing together and that's how we'll finish it. I promise."

Mushu's ability to come clean just so he can be as supportive as possible to Mulan is what makes him such an important character, because immediately after this, Mulan rushes to the capital to help regardless of the consequences. This isn't coming out of nowhere. Mulan's ability to accept Mushu's flaws and benefit from his support is ultimately what kick-starts the change in her own self-image. Mulan needs there to be someone on her side who knows she's a woman and still sees value in what she can contribute because she can't overcome her own internalized misogyny and self-loathing without support. Which is, btw, the whole freaking point. . Shang next. I don't know where people got the idea that Shang was some sort of comic relief character. Other than herself, Shang becomes the person Mulan is most driven to prove her worth to, first as a soldier, and then as a human, and this is why his judgment at the pass cuts so deeply. Shang following in his father's footsteps serves as a twisted mirror to Mulan's own journey, and the death of his father carries heavier emotional wait as a result. While it's never stated in the movie, the general's death also reminds the viewer of one of the big reasons why Mulan is in the military in the first place. Mulan's push back against his bigoted dismissal of her in the capital is a big signifier that her self-image has changed. Shang's recognition that his failure to trust Mulan when she warned him that Shan-Yu was in the capital put the emperor in danger coupled with his seeing that Mulan's tactical mind is no different than when she was Ping is ultimately what seals his own approval of Mulan as a whole person. Whereas Mushu is vital for starting the change in Mulan seeing herself of value, it is Shang's opinion of her that carries the most weight, because Shang has no familial association with her but he is still a fundamental part of her sphere that she wants approval from. . Yao, Ling, and Chien-Po are the three soldiers who become Mulan's friends in the military, and while they are mostly comic relief, they are still worth mentioning. They are casually misogynistic, and when Chi Fu insists that Mulan face punishment, they ultimately fall in line and reject her; though they aren't happy about it, none of them are willing to step out of line that much. I've seen people say that they do that because of extreme sexism but I disagree. Imo it has less to do with their misogyny and more to do with kowtowing to authority+bystander effect; you'll notice that they are outright eager to fall back in with Mulan as soon as the Emperor is attacked.

Mulan's friendship with these three is important not just because all three of them are wonky, flawed people who she is incredibly awkward and weird around but who still ultimately accept her, but because it's also supposed to demonstrate the camaraderie developed between soldiers at war. I don't want to go into this at length so suffice it to say that I'm going to be very disappointed if that aspect of the story is cut out of the live-action version. . ... Okay, now we get to talk about the most problematic part of Disney Mulan. The Huns. Uh... it's really bad. It's inaccurate on so many levels that I don't want to get into atm. I was actually excited at the prospect of the live action film heavily re-writing this such that the enemy forces would not be so de-humanized and maybe the story on the international scale would be made to be more nuanced/gray, but instead, they decided to scrap them altogether in favor of a... witch. A witch. In Mulan. A story about a woman finding her self-worth in an oppressive society and you made the villain A WITCH. You know, that negative female stereotype about evil magic women that's resulted in thousands upon thousands of women being murdered over the centuries?

Why? In part it's obviously to avoid any sort of controversy that might have come about from keeping a foreign invasion as part of the story, though it also significantly hamstrings any chance of the narrative saying anything meaningful on that topic in typical, cowardly modern Disney fashion. However, Disney has shot themselves in the foot on this one. I can already see where they're trying to go with this change and I do not like it. Problematic depiction aside, the primary antagonist of the original movie, Shan-Yu, was interesting because he is the only human in the story who did not seem to give a single fuck about Mulan's gender. When Shan-Yu looks at Mulan, he sees a competent threat who killed most of his men and he goes after her with that perspective. However, he slips up when he thinks he has Mulan backed into a corner and she pulls out a feminine symbol, a fan. He fails to see how something like that could stand up before him, and that is why he is outmaneuvered and defeated. Mulan defeats the hyper-masculine Shan-Yu openly as a woman in women's clothing using a feminine tool. That? That won't work in a story with a female protagonist vs a female villain. . When Mulan returns home, her father helps her complete the healing of her self-image; she didn't need to do a damn thing to be or prove of value to him. The final thing I want to point out about Mulan is that while it certainly critiques society for what it does to people by enforcing ridiculous and oppressive roles and expectations on them, the story is not about changing society. It's about one person's self-image and the way the people immediately around her shape that self-image. Because of that, Mulan can be read as a low-key call for acceptance and support of non-conforming people in general. . . I want to talk just a bit about some of the music of Mulan.

“Honor To Us All” is intentionally stereotypically over the top because the audience needs to know what Mulan's own ridiculous standards that she's set herself up to fail to meet are. It's not just that the standard is absurd; it's that she wants to meet them. The song, while tonally light-hearted, is meant to capture the immense social anxiety of oppressive artificial social roles. Incidentally, Chi Fu more or less serves the role of being the external expression of said oppressive artificial social roles, and he does it a bit too well to the point where everyone hates his character both in the movie and out, lol. "'Tis a woman! She’ll never be worth anything!"

"I'll Make A Man Out Of You" is meant to be cheekily over-the-top and ironic. I shouldn't have to explain this. Shang is using his over the top, silly similes about masculinity to try and pump up his incompetent recruits, but it's ultimately Mulan's intellect that propels her to become his best soldier. I also want to point out that while Mulan is particularly incompetent at the start, ALL of the recruits are, and Disney Mulan has had NO experience with that sort of labor so it makes sense that she struggled particularly at first. There's been a lot of great writing on the topic of this song already so I'm gonna stop here.

There really is no excuse for cutting “Reflection” and “I’ll Make A Man Out Of You.” The other two songs are not so important but these two are.

Also, she doesn’t cut her hair. What the fuck, Disney? God damn it.

God, why did I write this? This is just a massive badly constructed rambling rant, I’m sorry.

#disney mulan #mulan #fa mulan #mushu #li shang #shan yu #sorry for the rant #self love #social commentary #they replaced Shan Yu with a WITCH #WHY #no snide comments if you please

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traincat · 5 years

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I really like MCU spidey on a surface level but I don’t understand why other MCU stans can’t admit the flaws in it. There have been flaws in nearly every spidey franchise so far and MCU stans are fine to acknowledge the flaws in them, but with the MCU franchise they insist it’s perfect when it isn’t. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t even want to tell fellow comic stans that I also enjoy MCU spidey because I know they’ll assume I think the MCU version is perfection.

I don’t know if I was the right person to send this message to since, as you probably know, I’m like, really openly critical about how the MCU has chosen to interpret and present their version of Spider-Man, the messages within Spider-Man, and his supporting cast in his first solo film.

That being said, I think you might be putting too much stock in other people’s opinions. I think you need to allow yourself to feel fine in, if it’s what you want, engaging with people about MCU Spidey (since you do seem to want to engage with other fans, both comic and MCU) and going, “So I like this thing but I’m critical of x and y or z.” And either they’ll engage with you back on that level or they won’t, and at that point you can decide if pursuing the conversation is worth it for you. I personally have a habit of not letting debates go unless I feel like I’ve won, which is probably the product of being half Hungarian Jewish and half narcissistic sociopath, thanks dad, and the jury’s still out on whether that’s bad or not. Personally, and this is just me talking about me, I’m an aggressive person, especially in debates, but I do think it’s a valuable thing to keep in mind that you can walk away from a discussion if you want to. No other reason necessary. And you’re not required to care about what anyone else thinks about your opinion. Like, anybody, ever, at all.

We all see different things in media; my perspective is not the same as your perspective is not the same as anyone else’s perspective. This is true of movies and it’s true of the comics -- not every comics stan has the same opinions. And I’m very critical of Homecoming and the MCU’s take on Spider-Man in part because I have the ability to state my opinions clearly and eloquently and I have had people tell me that’s helpful to them, that they were bothered by the movie but weren’t able to put their finger on why, and if I can help in that regard then I’m happy to do so. But I know there are plenty of Spider-Man comic fans out there who did like Homecoming, and who, discounting movies entirely, also don’t agree with my comics opinions. (Trust me, THAT’S been made apparent.) So it’s all variable, you know? And I think it’s more worthwhile to hunt around and find people who agree with you on the big things while acknowledging you’re not going to agree on everything and that you’re going to have different experiences. There’s a reason I tag all of my Homecoming criticism with the specific “Traincat talks Homecoming” tag, and it’s because I know there are people who follow me who did enjoy the movie and if they don’t want to see negativity about it I do want them to be able to have the ability to blacklist that.

My final note on why people are so hesitant to criticize the MCU outside of specific areas -- the MCU has been doing this for a while now. Over ten years, and what, 20+ movies? They know what they’re doing. People have been criticizing Captain Marvel for being formulaic, but that formula works very well for the MCU. And Spider-Man: Homecoming screams that it wants to be liked. There’s a reason a director with basically nothing under his belt was hired, and it’s because the studio didn’t want a strong artistic vision to get in the way of what is a very overproduced piece of cinema. This is the price of fandom in the modern day: everything we do is visible to people who want to take what is a huge, largely profit-free community, and figure out how to squeeze as much money out of us as possible. Everything we do online is visible. Every piece of fanfiction and fanart and every tumblr shit post that blows up with 20,000 notes. The more popular, the more visible. And a lot of Homecoming’s elements are clearly copied directly off of fan effort: Peter’s perceived youthfulness and eagerness to impress older adult heroes despite the fact that this age gap is hugely inflated from the comics and that Peter as a teen was extremely prickly, the idea of Tony Stark as a father figure, the kid Avenger role. This all featured very heavily in fandom at one point. So they went in knowing what a large group of people already wanted to see because they’d told them, and presented what is honestly an easier version of the Spider-Man mythos to digest. No worrying about financial troubles, no worrying about an older caregiver, no concept of your personal responsibility to the people in your life warring against a greater responsibility to your community thrust on you in a twist of fate. No grieving for dead Uncle Ben to bog down the narrative when what you’re concerned about is making “a fun movie.” What I’m saying is that big companies with lots and lots influence and lots and lots of money are very good at producing pieces that people will ardently defend because the piece has told them not to think too closely about it. Which isn’t great, but it is a reality. So I think when you encounter people who aren’t willing to criticize a major blockbuster that they like -- even if you also like it but are willing and want to criticize it -- is that a lot of money and a lot of calculated effort has gone into creating that response. And the best thing you can do for yourself is either debate your side as earnestly as you can or simply not engage, depending on whether or not you feel it’s worth it. There’s no right or wrong way to have this conversation, ultimately. There’s only what you feel comfortable with personally.

#*replies #Anonymous

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myragemylovemylife · 5 years

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Making of the We Are Revolution Radio book

This year, I published a book of Green Day fan stories and art. I wanted to document the band’s incredible impact on a diverse fanbase. So, I gathered stories and fanart from fans of all ages, from Greece to California to Costa Rica to China. All 161 pages are a truly wonderful testament to how Green Day have changed lives and the devotion of their fans. I knew I was going to be proud of it – and everyone in it – but quite how proud I was didn’t hit me until I opened up the box.

Click “keep reading” for the full story (don’t want to hog your dashboard with a big post!)

How it all began

I was making My Rage My Love My Life – a documentary of my own experiences following Green Day on tour – when I got the idea. I knew I was going to exhibit my photos. They'd quickly become a document of the fan community as a whole, rather than just myself. I thought a little book of other fans’ stories would be an amazing addition. I asked for submissions – at this point just for stories, not fanart – and made a short book in InDesign. Then I exhibited it. It was the most popular part of my exhibit (sadly, no one got in my survival bag).

Exhibiting My Rage My Love My Life in Cornwall

A while later, I put the book up for sale so everyone could read it. It was surprisingly popular!

I knew at this point – shocked by quite how much the stories moved me and knowing there were even more out there – that I wanted to make a bigger, better book. This time, I asked for fanart submissions, too. It would be the final book, so it had to be good!

Volume 2

Looking for more stories and art was a slow process. A lot of people who weren’t too shy, or too busy to submit already had. I kept plugging the submission page, but there was little interest. I tried approaching fan artists on Instagram, but they didn’t reply, deleted my comments or blocked me. With my 9 to 5 job, I didn't have much time to continue going out of my way to get submissions. The deadline passed, but I never got around to printing. I felt very disillusioned with the Green Day fandom and its drama and hierarchies at the time, too. How much the book meant to me and what a great project it was faded from my memory.

When I pinned My Rage My Love My Life as an Instagram highlight, I included a few excerpts from the book. Unexpectedly, a lot of people messaged me saying they wished they’d been part of it, that they weren’t even aware of it until then, or that they wanted a copy. I went back to read it again. It immediately reminded me why I was doing it and how important it was to me and to document this. So I reopened submissions (feeling bad that I'd never got it done before!).

People now had months to submit. It was, again, a slow process, but this time I wasn’t letting it go until I’d got as many fans as possible into it!

Getting more submissions

I tried a few different strategies. One was offering the option to submit in Spanish, French or Portuguese, but no one did. I made fun and more ‘serious’ calls for submissions. I encouraged friends who’d previously expressed interest or I thought would like to be in the book. Half of my attempts were successful. My most successful plan was recruiting my East Bay native partner to speak with fan friends in the area and one in LA. Some were shy or struggled to write, so I ‘interviewed’ them or we just chatted about Green Day and pieced together stories. They were stories I’d never have found by only appealing to visible or ‘super’ fans – but they were some of my favourites and moved me to tears!

The biggest obstacle was definitely convincing shy or uncertain people their stories or art were absolutely worth a place in the book. I don’t know if I made a mistake giving people months to submit. Other than my partner’s unpaid internship at My Rage My Love My Life, the most submissions came in with my last minute reminders. Maybe I should have done that all along. It’s so easy to procrastinate or just forget to make time when you have forever to do something.

Deciding whether to publish an eBook

I had a long think about this. At first I was definitely going to offer a cheap eBook version to make it more accessible to everyone. A few weeks later I thought about how if I did, a free PDF would be much more likely to end up on the internet for anyone to see. Which isn’t inherently bad – I wasn’t looking to make money from it, after all. But the contributors shared personal stories under the assumption it would be a limited physical print people had to buy to see, not an easily accessible PDF. I also felt it wouldn't be fair to people who’d previously bought the physical book. So I decided against it. It’s a shame because I’d love it to be more accessible, but I don’t trust the internet with everyone’s stories.

Why not make more books?

A few people have expressed disappointment they weren’t in the book. Some felt I should make more books. Volume 2 is the final version, though. For starters, I don’t think expecting people to keep paying for extensions of the same book is fair. In total, people had almost two years to submit. I chased a lot of people who said they wanted to be part of it and approached others I thought might be interested. The majority didn’t reply or just never got around to it. Most genuinely didn’t have time and that’s a real shame. Before printing, some people had been waiting months to buy the book, so continuing to extend the deadline wouldn't have been fair to them either.

I really wanted as many people as possible to be part of this, but if people don’t submit, there’s not much I can do. The same will happen if I make another book. A few more people will submit, but most who didn’t have time last year won’t have time this year. I did make it clear when I opened submissions for Volume 2 that it would be the final book, so I don't think it's unreasonable.

Printing

This time, with the book being over three times longer at 161 pages, I had to use a professional – and pricier – printer instead of the simpler company I’d used before. In early February, I put the book up in my store for £14.99 until February 18th. After that, I’d put in a bulk order. If I only sold a few books, I’d lose a huge amount of money and end up paying to send the books out. It was a scary gamble at first, but I soon sold enough to cover everything. As February 18th approached, I finalised the file in InDesign and prepared to send it to the printer.

Despite having learned all about this at university, I was nervous. After all, studying something in a classroom and actually executing it are totally different things… and I wanted the books to be perfect for all the amazing people who’d supported and contributed to the project over the last two years. What if I messed it up somehow? I had a quick chat with the printer to make sure I was doing everything right and then I sent off the file.

A heavy box arrived with DPD on March 6th. I opened it and there were all my very own, professionally printed books! It was surreal.

Opening the book box (having excitedly taken a few out already!)

They were thicker than I expected. Even though I’d already published one book, this even better final product was somehow even more incredible. Flicking through and seeing everyone’s amazing art and stories there, in full colour and all their glory – I felt so proud! Despite having stared at my own art and story on InDesign for months on end, I was excited and a bit emotional to see that there, too. I knew then exactly why I’d done this and, regardless of inevitable drama, how special Green Day’s fandom really is.

Shipping the books

This was quite a big job, but also exciting! The first five orders got a little gift for their support. After carefully wrapping the books, I passed them to @greendaycollection to be sealed in mailers. Her sellotape fortresses then went into a Primark bag, ready to be shipped the next day.

The parcels were transferred to some transport sacks (also known as my Pokémon backpack and Berkeley Bowl shopping bag) and we took them to the Post Office. I was a bit worried the Post Office lady might run away screaming. But no, she was professional and got it all done quickly. She even knew American Idiot. I left with a stash of comically long receipts.

And then it was done. My books had officially been published and dispatched. I felt like a proud parent.

I hope this might inspire someone else to make their own book! If you need any guidance, feel free to get in touch. 💖💚💖

#green day #we are revolution radio book #green day fans #green day fan stories #green day fanart #green day book

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gaslightgallows · 6 years

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So, there's an artist I follow here: @eliciadonze (and if she would prefer that I untag her or not mention her by name, I will absolutely respect her wishes). She is one of the most talented, original, uncompromising, unapologetic artists I have ever had the privilege of encountering on Tumblr. Her work in photorealism is like something out of a muzzy neon dream and it never fails to make me Feel Things, which - to me - is what the best art does, or ought to do.

And because she is an artist posting her work online, because she is a woman and doesn't apologize for herself, she get hate. A lot of hate. Nothing unusual about that, unfortunately. It's disgusting, and it ought to be unusual, but it's not.

She gets rape threats. She gets death threats. She gets messages both anonymous and not, urging her to kill herself. I know this because she doesn't stay silent about the abuse she receives. She publishes a lot of them. And then she gets shit for posting them, for refusing to stay silent, for wanting people to believe her.

And compounding all of this bile is the frequent response of people who consider themselves to be her fans and supporters. 'Just turn off Anon messaging!' 'Don't let it get to you!' 'Just think positive thoughts and keep following your bliss!' 'You're better than this!' All of it well-intended, and probably a lot of it frustrating and useless.

Because it put the onus of fixing the problem on her, as though the relentless abuse she gets is her fault. None of this is her fault.

Louder for the people in the back: none of this is her fault.

She knows she's amazing. She knows she's fucking talented, and that the people who harass her are motivated by jealousy and misogyny and the feeling of invulnerability that hiding behind a weird URL or being on anon provides. I know she knows these things because she tells us, repeatedly.

Elicia talks about the abuse she receives, and asks for help. So we ask, 'What can we do to help you?' She tells us to reblog her work, to commission her, to send her money - tangible support that will actually help her get by from day to day. And I hope people do that. I try to. But so much of what she gets are good wishes and 'emotional support' that makes the sender feel better and does jack-all else.

It is the 'thoughts and prayers' of online harassment. It is less than the bare minimum that any of us can do, and it doesn't matter a single damn if those good wishes come from a genuine heart-felt place. It doesn't make Elicia feel better, it makes us feel better.

But when she points that out? When she expresses a very real and understandable frustration and anger at people insisting on helping in ways that they decide are best, rather than in the ways she has specifically asked for? When she tells us (and I include myself in this, because she doesn't know me and has no reason to exclude me from the rest) that she can't trust any of her followers and that we're all haters waiting to happen, as soon as we're tired of her?

She gets called a bitch, and ungrateful, and needlessly mean to her followers 'who are just trying to help'. She gets frantic messages of 'No, not me, I've never sent you hate!' and 'Not all Supernatural fans!' and 'Just because we don't speak up doesn't mean we don't care.' She loses followers in droves.

Maybe I'm overstepping my bounds, here. I don't know. I've tried not to ascribe any opinions or feelings to Elicia that she hasn't talked about on her blog, repeatedly. But it's painfully obvious that we are all - all of us - continually proving her right to mistrust and fear her own followers, every single day. And she's done nothing to bring this on herself. She's done nothing wrong. Once again: none of this is her fault.

Elicia makes pop art and posts it online. That's all. She demands respect for herself and her work. That's all. She is a real person, and deserves better from all of us, and it's not her job to stop people from hurting her, or to make us feel better about the abuse she receives. We shouldn't feel better about it, ever.

It doesn't matter if we (and again, I include myself in this, because I was raised on Planet Earth and have had to unlearn a whole lot of toxic shit re: women) think she's not nice enough or not grateful enough to be worth helping - that's a shitty opinion and we've all thought it, if only reflexively and if only for a moment, because we've all been indoctrinated to believe that women must always be polite and nice and grateful for any scrap of kindness. But Elicia doesn't owe us niceness, or gratitude, in exchange for respect and for us to not send her fucking death threats. She doesn't owe us those things, and even if she did, we've certainly done nothing to deserve them.

No one should be treated like this. Full stop. No one.

This is not Elicia's fault, and it's not her responsibility. It's ours. We have to be better, and do better.

Reblog Elicia's work. Check out her website. Commission her. Send a few bucks to her Ko-Fi. Believe her.

Be better.

#eliciadonze #long post #online harassment #believe women #silence is not support

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girlsbtrs · 6 years

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Q&A with Paige Backstage

Getting started in the music industry is a daunting task, but luckily there are amazing people out there willing to help! Paige Backstage is a freelancer who has written articles for Billboard and AUX and worked at Universal Music Canada to help market Halsey's EP and first album. With loads of knowledge and a blog and YouTube channel dedicated to supporting new music and upcoming industry professionals, Paige is eager to share her experiences and knowledge with others in hopes to make their journey easier. We reached out to all of YOU and asked what questions you had about getting your foot in the door in the music industry and Paige sat down and answered them all for us; check it out below!

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Do you believe that going to shows can help to make valuable connections? If so, how? My dream is to become a talent manager.

Absolutely!! As frustrating as it can be, a lot of opportunities in the music industry come from the connections you've built with other people. Especially if you want to be a manager, it's important to get in front of the bands and show that you care enough to be at their gigs supporting them, even before you work with them! Talk to the bands after the show and learn more about them, connect with other fans, just get to know people! It makes it a lot easier to network when you get used to sparking up conversations with people in a more natural way. Plus, if you want to work with one of the bands performing, it can be so helpful to get to know them, the bands around them, and the audience they bring in.

What’s the best way to put yourself out there as a freelance writer/editor? What’s the best way to get started and get jobs?

I got my start in freelance writing through Twitter, oddly enough! I write for my own blog and wrote this looooong deep dive into Halsey's new album. One of my followers from Billboard read it and asked if I could write something similar for them. And then boom! It was something I never really attempted because I assumed I wouldn't be qualified for it, but now I'm writing all the time. So while I can't help on the more technical/educational side of things, I can't speak highly enough to the effects of social media on music career options. You can get to know so many people you'd otherwise have no connection to, and it's free! Sharing things you're already writing for yourself or other outlets can help other publications to see that you're out there and writing great content. Also, I know we all abandoned Facebook years ago, but... did you know Facebook groups are like the BEST way to network?? I'm part of some for music journalism, women in music, blogging, entrepreneurship... there are groups for everything. Sometimes you can find opportunities in these groups, and you can always find like-minded people who are looking to bounce ideas around and see what they can create together. I fully recommend finding a few (like the GBTRS group!) and joining in! Even if you don't participate at first, it's good for getting to know who else is around you and what the community is like.

Hi! I'm currently in university studying audiovisual communication and I'm interested in the music field and record labels. Would I be able to get in the industry with that degree? Maybe I could start an internship somewhere, but what do they want from me? Thanks :)

I'm in Canada so I can't speak for everywhere, but our record labels have one rule for internships: it MUST be part of your school program. We don't allow unpaid internships here, so they have to be part of a required school curriculum. I think your degree would definitely fit in with a lot of places within the industry, so there's no worry there! If your school doesn't allow internships, it's not the end of the world. Some places offer internships for a lower salary or volunteer positions (but that's kind of what we're trying to avoid here because unpaid labour sucks). You can also apply for entry level jobs! It might be worth looking into experiences or places you could shadow while you're still in school so that you've got a leg up once graduation rolls around!

Where would you recommend starting if there aren’t a lot of opportunities where you live?

The internet is always a good place to start, depending on what you want to do. The web knows no borders and there are lots of remote job opportunities or ways to create your own projects in a space that everyone can access. However, maybe there's an opportunity for you to create something cool in your community to fill that void! There are probably other people near you, whether they're interested in creating music or working in it, that would love to work together to make something. Local band showcases, a music publication focused around your city, a network to find other bands to play with... there's lots of things you can do to build up your own music community. And if you build together, it brings everyone up!

What would you recommend if you know you want to work in the music industry but you’re not exactly sure what you want to do?

This was me 6 years ago. It's so hard because there's not as much information online as there should be about what different music careers entail. I've been working to fill that gap as much as I can through my own blog, but I've found a couple other people who can offer great insight as well. Jamie New Johnson from Smartist University makes tons of videos about different parts of the industry, and even offers online courses (which I've taken and LOVE). I like going through Coursera once in a while to see if they have any cool music courses. The GBTRS blog is awesome for getting a glimpse into the lives of different women in music right now! And if it all becomes overwhelming, don't be afraid to just ask other people. If you see someone on Twitter who's doing something you find interesting, send them a message and ask about it!

Do you believe in this field it’s not what you know but rather who you know?

Ohhhhh boy, yes. I hate to say it, but it does have a ton to do with the connections you've made as opposed to your abilities. However, you can know as many people as you want and still not be successful if you don't have the skills to back it up. Knowing people just makes the process a lot easier. For instance, if you apply for a job with 500 applicants, knowing someone at the company can help get your resume seen in a pile of identical resumes. Once you've started to establish yourself, it's not uncommon for people to reach out to you with opportunities instead of you always applying, because they already know and trust you. And with the invention of social media, it's so much easier to "know" people. Start making connections with people you look up to on Twitter and you never know what kinds of cool projects and partnerships you could open yourselves up to! (just make sure there's always a give/take, no one likes being used)

Did your gender ever affect your experience/job opportunities in the music industry? Have you found it to be sexist since it is so male dominated?

Unfortunately, yes. And I find it happens in the absolute weirdest ways. For instance, I worked somewhere where none of the younger women on the staff were allowed to talk to bands because it was perceived that we were either huge fans that would freak out and cry... or we were going to try to sleep with them. I literally could have been fired for networking (???). But the men could text artists and go for drinks like old pals! Plus you get the usual culprits, like sexual harassment in the workplace, lower pay, etc. I know that makes the industry sound like an absolute nightmare (and sometimes it is)... but I can't explain how great it feels when you start to break down those barriers and become successful despite everything working against you. Finding other women who've been in the industry longer can help you navigate all of it, and there are some incredible women out there to have as mentors. It also helps to be able to share your experiences and hear that you aren't imagining it, and it's just something that everyone goes through... for now. I'm hoping our generation is the one to break the curse.

You can keep in touch with Paige via her socials!

YouTube | Website | Twitter | Instagram

#industry spotlight #q&a

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my-dianathemoon-blog · 5 years

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a saint.

So, I dated Noland Bo Chaliha a.k.a Nolan Nicholson Fisher for two years. He love-bombed me after I had gotten out of a particularly intense relationship and we ended up together.

He seemed like the friendliest, most helpful person. When I was with him, I used to say he was a saint. In fact, one of our first interactions was right after we met on OKCupid, he helped me dispose of an old mattress. He loves David Foster Wallace, Lacan, poetry, claims he plays violin, tells amusing stories about his South Asian grandfather, Tuval Chaliha. He also has a very “feminist” façade.

I didn’t realize anything was out of the ordinary (save for some red flags here and there that I ignored because he seemed so caring and supportive) until I came home and he was with another girl. Had it just been cheating, it would just be a failed relationship, big whoop, I’ve been happily partnered for 6 years now so that would be water under the bridge...but that was actually how I discovered his true nature because it all spiraled downhill from there.

I called Alicia (name changed), who he had tricked me into believing was his former abusive roommate who I should avoid at ALL COSTS, only to find out she had dated him for 7 years and that he had actually left her with a mountain of credit card debt without a trace on Christmas morning in HER car with a bunch of her belongings. The first thing she said to me was, “I’ve been waiting to hear from you.” Now mind you, I didn’t know her, but she wondered how long it would take for me to realize that Noland was a predator.

When I called Alicia, Noland started threatening to kill himself and actually took a chef’s knife and lay on the kitchen floor of our apartment holding it to his chest. I took the knife out of his hands, threw it out the window and called 911, at which point he ran out of the apartment.

So I called a friend, and he helped me pack up as much of my stuff as we could so I could get away from Noland. While I was packing, I found that Noland had created a noose out of rope and hid it in a backpack of mine. He had given me his old iPhone as a gift (I later understood that he was using it to keep track of my whereabouts) thinking that it had been wiped clean, but I looked at the history on his YouTube to find “how to tie a noose,” and “how to evade a police interrogation” videos. I then found notes on his iPhone pertaining to pathological lying, and crimes that had been committed by serial killers (for instance, nurses that euthanized patients).

So, he cooked for me ALL THE TIME. Flashback about two weeks before the shit hit the fan, and I couldn’t eat a chicken curry dish he made because it tasted super metallic. Very shortly after I escaped, I looked in my supplements to find that HALF my brand new bottle of iron pills were gone! He also poisoned me with hydrocortisone, manganese pills, prescription drugs that he had stolen from others or ordered off the internet, and left me with damage to the hippocampus and Cushing’s Syndrome, diagnosed by my doctor.

I had no clue why I was getting so sick, gaining weight rapidly (15 lbs in two weeks), losing my hair in clumps, and losing my memory. I even had horizontal lines in my nails (Beau's lines) indicating that I had been poisoned. I told him I felt like I needed to go to the ER, and he brushed it off, reassuring me I would be fine in the morning.

Another tip-off aside from the metallic taste of my food was that I got a rash called erythema multiforme, which had been a side effect from a medication I had taken briefly that I had discontinued due to the reaction, but still had the pills in my medicine cabinet. That bottle, too, was empty when I left.

In the early stages of our relationship, I called him and asked him to take me to the hospital due to the reaction from the medication, but he didn't take me, my roommates did. My doctor had told me to watch out for any rashes because they could turn into life-threatening Stevens-Johnson syndrome, so when I got the rash I freaked out and called him and told him about it. I think he was hoping that if he put the same medication in my food I would get Stevens-Johnson syndrome and die, but all I got was a tiny rash. The rash is super distinct (it looks like circular rings) and I knew it was the same one I'd gotten from the medication...only I wasn't taking the medication, so...yeah.

I also found out that he had sent text messages to our mutual friend, John (name changed to protect individual), who is now my boyfriend (and was also one of his victims), telling him that I “was in a dark place.” The text messages and the noose would be “evidence” for the cops/coroner that I had been suicidal, which was not at all true, and John knew it.

Shortly after I found him cheating/lying but before I realized he was poisoning me, we were making amends (I thought) and he took me up to the top of a parking garage because he “wanted to show me his reading spot.” Thank God I am afraid of heights and wouldn’t go to the ledge with him, because now I firmly believe his plan was to throw me off the building, because his plan to get me to lose my mind and commit suicide by putting psychiatric drugs in my food, or kill me with poison in my food wasn’t working fast enough and his plans were unraveling as I was becoming cognizant of his lies.

He sent a very blurry porn video to John, telling him that it was me. John knew right away that it wasn’t. He told me (and most likely others) that he had sex with John (who is straight), which was also not true. He also asked John in passing how he would feel if I were to die.

He stole and disposed of irreplaceable disks of years worth of my late father’s writing, who was a well-known author. I had brought the disks out of storage for the express purpose of publishing these works, and now they are gone. Tons of my material possessions were stolen or destroyed, including a sapphire and diamond necklace my mother gave me when I was a child, and vintage wedding dresses that he spilled ink on. He gave some of my belongings to other girls, as I discovered that he had sometimes months-long relationships with other girls under the guise of having a second job.

I contacted both the police and the FBI, but they wouldn’t pursue it. Since I had thought all along that he was a great guy and we were in a good relationship, I didn’t suspect a thing. He was many steps ahead of me with a plan to create a smear campaign against me after I left, and thus filed a restraining order against me to convince the police I was the bad guy.

Alicia had told me that he stole her banjo and digital camera when he abandoned her, and he had brought an expensive guitar (buttercream-colored 90s Telecaster) home one day with a very flimsy explanation of where he had gotten it, so I brought both those instruments and the camera with me when I left in order to give the former back to Alicia and find the rightful owner of the guitar. So when the police officer came, he interrogated me and was actually ON THE PHONE with Noland telling him where I was, and asking me if I took the guitar. I said yes, I took the guitar, because I did.

Since I had been getting sicker and increasingly losing my ability to work my coffee shop job, Noland encouraged me a few months prior to quit and get into sex work, which he later used against me with law enforcement, as well as to spread gossip about me to friends – claiming my work was actually recreational cheating I was doing behind his back.

So the officer had “proof" that I was a thief, a whore, and my crying my eyes out telling the him Noland tried to kill me and steal my identity was enough to convince him that I was mentally unstable. The officer told me to go to a walk-in psychiatric clinic and give the guitar back, and then he left.

I spent a long time researching after this ordeal. Noland is what’s known as a cerebral psychopath. Quite intelligent and charming. Plays the victim with a sad story about how his mother treated him poorly in his childhood (despite the fact that he still talks to her on the phone all the time and receives large amounts of money from her; both his parents are successful realtors in Arizona). He will tell you all about all of his “crazy ex-girlfriends.” One being his high school girlfriend who supposedly even tried to stab him, which now I realize is fabricated.

He plays the helpful, gentle, childlike, artistic type supposedly concerned with the welfare of marginalized folks. A lot of his personality traits, he actually co-opts from friends and lovers he has discarded. Poetry was mine, as he didn’t have a single book of poetry when we we met, and David Foster Wallace was co-opted from my boyfriend John, along with a host of other aspects of both our identities.

He uses the stories of predatory behavior that he's inflicted on others and pretends like it was the other way around. I'm pretty sure that the story where his high school girlfriend attempted to stab him was actually him trying to stab her, because when I tried to contact her, she said that she didn't want anything to do with him, she didn't even want to talk about it because she was so traumatized.

I've read some David Foster Wallace since I escaped him, and some of his "childhood memories" and stories are lifted straight out of those pages. I was so damn trusting that I never questioned it.

After I caught him with the girl, I snooped in his phone, and he had been sending photos to other girls saying he had an online vintage wedding dress boutique. They were my photos, my dresses, and my online boutique.

Alicia believes that he terrorized her cat while she was at work as well, as she said her timid, fearful cat blossomed into an affectionate and social creature after Noland moved out. He HATES animals, he’s very jealous of them, as they compete for the attention of his friends (his narcissistic supply).

At one point, I called a friend of his who was a writer for the Portland Mercury, and she told me that Noland had mentioned performing psychiatric drug experiments on unwitting victims. One being me, and another being Jane (name changed), a woman he had a brief fling with who moved to L.A. When I spoke to her, she told me that he had given her “vitamins” that made her feel dizzy.

A few months after I left Noland, I got a call from a woman named [name redacted]. She told me that she was being cyber-stalked and that her hacker friends had traced it to Noland. She was using a burner because she, like I, was afraid. Apparently he also had very disturbing, if not illegal, porn on his computer. Several such women came forward to tell me that he had stolen from them, behaved sexually inappropriately towards them, and I also found out that his employers at IKEA had reprimanded him for following CHILDREN into the bathroom.

Other crimes he committed include property damage, theft, auto theft, identity theft (when I moved out, I found drivers’ licenses and credit cards of numerous people – one I confirmed through Alicia was their former roommate – and he had also tried to take out payday loans online using my social security number and passport that I thought I had lost). He stole another friend’s car registration papers. He also stole money to create his Snoot shirts brand and failed to pay artists for their work, and then took off for South America for a spell. I was also told he faked a cancer diagnosis in high school, and raped a girl in high school. He raped me as well, insofar as he tried to impregnate me against my will.

He happens to prey on vulnerable people, namely women and non-binary AFAB folks, so I try to warn those in his social network. He doesn’t play violin (or if he does play it now, he plays it remedially, despite saying he used to practice 6 hours a day), so if he’s ever told you he does, and you want to prove that he’s a pathological liar, ask him to play the violin for you. He also claims his violin is a $10,000 instrument when it’s a rental.

When I posted in a Portland group outing predators on Facebook, I was amazed by how many women came out of the woodwork to tell me their stories. Whether you believe me or not, at the very least I would suggest not allowing him near children or eating his food. In fact, if he invites you to dinner, take a spoonful in your mouth, go to the bathroom, spit it into a jar and have it analyzed. Or bring a tupperware to “take home leftovers.”

I moved out of state to get away from him.

#nolandchaliha #abuse #abuser #portland #pdx

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buffok-blog · 6 years

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5 Advanced strategy to Triple your E-commerce business

New Post has been published on https://buffok.com/advanced-strategy-ecommerce/

5 Advanced strategy to Triple your E-commerce business

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. –Mark Twain “

p.s. This is not a guide for beginners who are trying to make a side income. This entire post is a step by step guide for serious business owners who would like to take their E-commerce business to higher levels.

This guide is about strategic investments to make it big.

If you are serious about your business and ready to do whatever it takes, this is for you.

Buy popular blogs

We all know content marketing is the best strategy to promote your online business now.

Educating the people, creating awareness and then converting to sale is the underrated tactic that most of the businesses don’t do.

But building a blog from scratch includes a series of steps like

Setting it up

Customizing the design

Integrating more tools and plugin

Then building a fan following and creating that engagement

which is time-consuming and expensive.

So, a sneaky little shortcut is to buy an already working successful blog that already serves your target customers.

Content marketing is one strategy when done the right way, can simply accelerate your business growth.

Here are 3 prime reasons on why Content marketing must be taken seriously.

Content marketing is cost effective

Pay per Click or PPC is one of the most popular internet marketing models. It becomes even great when you aid it with content marketing. Here’s a brief mathematical explanation.

“Suppose each click from your PPC campaign cost $2, then you will be paying $2000 for 1000 clicks. Now, if you can buy a blog which drives 10,000 views a month it would be super cost effective in a long run.”

Builds trust and boosts brands

Sometimes the best way to convert a lead into sales is by educating the customer about the problem and potential solution. More than just driving sales, it also boosts the trust and credibility about your brand among people and gives them the confidence to buy.

Repeat customers

Getting repeat customers simply implies that your brand is building a reliable customer base. You get repeat customers because of all the elements that come with a blog, social media, email marketing, SEO and so on.

It is much more cheap, hassle free and is effective. You need to make sure the blog you pick is worth your investment, there are tons of blogs on the internet today which are useless.

You need to research, brainstorm and pick the one with high engagement.

You may think that this sounds too good to be true. If you are not sure how to do it, reach us for help and we will be more than glad to guide you.

Buy social media accounts

The most important aspect of advertising a brand is social media integration.

When you buy a blog, it should come with social media accounts supporting that.

However, not all blogs have the popular social media accounts.

As an alternate option, you can also go and buy a popular social media account targeting your market niche.

So, buying a social media account is another way of accelerating the sales of your E-commerce rather than building it on your own.

However, you need to be careful as there are many social accounts that are fake and worth nothing. Make sure you do enough homework before you go ahead and purchase.

Alternatively, you can also buy influencer ads.

Pay per campaign type ads from popular influencers in your domain space to promote your product through their social accounts for some cost.

Build Sales funnel based on your analytics data

One very understated yet powerful marketing strategy that many businesses overlook is building sales funnel based on their analytics data.

Most of the businesses today build sales funnels based on industry standards or some random templates.

It is very rare to see people build a funnel based on their own website analytics data.

The 2 most common errors that we see in ecommerce sites are

Many use plugins that shows some random products and see no conversion at all.

Many send offer emails that make no sense to the customer or the timing is inappropriate.

Click funnels is one of the platform where you can build some powerful funnels for your business.

If you are not aware of the term sales funnel. Here is a quick video that explains sales funnel.

Invest in Technology

It is the era of technology taking over everything. Investing in the right technologies could push your business to unbelievable heights.

Technology can help in the following

Deep analytics – Many businesses already have all the data about their customers, their behavior and even their interest. Just that they don’t know where to find them and make it actionable. Installing the right tools and technology will help scale your business multiple folds.

Automation – We live in the world of artificial intelligence, that means almost everything can be automated. The good news is these tools and services are readily available for any sized business. Investing in these automations will pay off in multiple folds quickly.

Integrations – Another powerful use of technology is integrating with partners and vendors in the same business domain. Without technology, it is nearly impossible to grow our business all by yourself.

Hire top talent and build a dream team

I saved the best for the last.

It’s always the people behind the scenes who make any project or business successful.

You will never make it big if you are trying to figure out everything on your own. Hire the right people with the right expertise for developing your business.

Any successful business will have the best people supporting it.

To start with, split the job functions into roles and find people who can do it best.

Product research – To research products and see if they would sell at maximum profit.

Brand Marketing – Social media marketing, creatives creation (images & videos), storytelling and PR.

Content marketing – Internet marketing using content and education materials, along with email marketing.

Advertising – Facebook ads, Google ads, direct media buying, newspaper ads, and all advertising management.

Customer service – A prompt customer services team need to focus only on taking care of customers.

Technical team – For building technical solutions that are needed for building business processes.

People and process management – If you have a large enough team you need a management team to manage projects, product, and people.

If you need help or more information in any of the above, hit me up and we can chat.

Conclusion

“Good artist copy great artist steal”

Accelerating business doesn’t have to be hard. More importantly, does not have to be reinvented.

Time is the only resource that is scarce. Smart people understand this and find ways to leverage other resources to attain their goals faster.

Let money work for you.

If you need help, leverage us and lets make it big.

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trendingnewsb · 7 years

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Millennial influencers who are the new stars of web advertising

Beauty vloggers and cult celebrities are being courted by luxury brands

Seven years ago, Chiara Ferragni was a fledgling 23-year-old fashion blogger, studying law at university in Milan. She never finished her degree, but now lives in a $3.5m Los Angeles mansion packed with antiques, and spends her days travelling the world in midriff-revealing tops, Gucci sweatshirts, cut-off jeans and a collection of Louis Vuitton. How do we know this?

Every day, the Blonde Salad shares images of her gilded lifestyle with her 9.6 million followers on Instagram, making her one of the cult celebrities of the social media world. Unlike Taylor Swift, Beyonc et al, who have all made their names elsewhere and maintain fanbases on the photo-sharing platform, Ferragni has found fame and fortune solely by publishing photographs of herself wearing a variety of designer ensembles in a range of glamorous locations. Now worth a reputed $12m, with a line of branded shoes selling at up to $500 a pair, and a contract with Pantene as a global ambassador, Ferragni is a role model to a generation of digital natives who have established a viable career as social media influencers.

On her 30th birthday earlier this month, her boyfriend, Italian rapper Fedez, proposed on stage in Verona, singing a song dedicated to her at a concert broadcast live to their home nation. Almost one million fans liked the Instagram video of the moment. That same day, almost half a million clicked the heart symbol below an image of her in a black mini dress, featuring the hashtag #ysl, while 700,000 followers liked another image Ferragni shared, showing her next to a vast 30th birthday cake emblazoned with the Leading Hotels of the World logo, with the hashtags #leadinghotelsoftheworld, #LHWtraveler and #kempinskivenice.

To those unfamiliar with the machinations of social media, it is highly likely Ferragni had a commercial arrangement with these luxury brands, keen to tap into an audience that wants to emulate her lifestyle. She is not alone in utilising her position as a social media star with a loyal and highly engaged following.

Earlier this month, 17-year-old Amanda Steele shared images of herself on the red carpet at the Cannes film festival, hanging out with Hollywood A-listers Jake Gyllenhaal and Tilda Swinton. The YouTube beauty vlogger, who shares make-up tips under the MakeupbyMandy24 handle, was flown out to the French Riviera, dressed and made up, and given tickets to the premiere of Okja courtesy of Christian Dior all in return for a caption shared with her 2.8 million followers that read: Thank you sooooo much @diormakeup for treating me like a princess!!

In just a few years, the power of blogs and platforms such as Instagram has created a new marketing genre that has seen brands investing heavily in collaborations with the big names in the online space. Beca Alexander, founder and president of the social media casting and management agency Socialyte Collective, represents about 100 influencers, each with between 30,000 and 2 million followers.

One of our top influencers did about $1m last year and the average for those on our books is around $200,000 a year, says the digital entrepreneur from her New York office.

Chiara Ferragni on Instagram. Photograph: Chiara Ferragni/Instagram

There are a variety of ways they earn that revenue and we work on strategies that best suit the individual style and audience of each one. Some might focus on promoting as many brands and products as possible but always being aware of the natural synergy with their own brand, so it feels authentic while others have contracts with a curated range of brands to work on exclusive long-term campaigns.

Alexander, a former fashion news blogger who takes 10% commission from her portfolio of clients, founded her business seven years ago and has seen double-digit annual growth and a predicted 2.5 times rise in turnover this year. While women dominate the influencer space, she has also established a reputation for nurturing a number of male stars, such as her most successful client, Adam Gallagher, whose elegant, well-travelled lifestyle has won him a lucrative long-term contract with Armani fragrance.

When you get to the top tier of influencers, they go to great lengths to portray the perfect image online, often recruiting a retinue of still-life and style photographers, make-up artists, stylists, assistants and editors to support the burgeoning business of being a brand in their own right. Many have a signature style to their posts, using specific filters or a trademark pose, but the key, says Alexander, is to remember who your audience is and retain an authenticity that means they remain engaged with your output.

And you dont have to have a mega-following to earn money from social media: companies are spending up to $1.5bn on Instagram marketing, says Thomas Rankin of Dash Hudson, who matches influencers with brands. Even users with 5,000 followers can attract $250 for a product post or endorsement if they have the right audience.

Alexander developed a programme two years ago known as product bombing, whereby a co-ordinated campaign saw numerous, carefully selected micro-influencers paid to talk about a new product at a specified time, thus saturating the social media space within the target demographic. That worked really well, and created huge awareness and demand, seeing stock sellout rapidly, she says.

However, the speed of change within the tech world and the evolution of algorithms to change the user experience means this approach isnt as effective today. Instagram has recently changed the way consumers see posts, from a simple chronological feed, guaranteeing a user would see all posts in the order they appear, to a more nebulous feed based on the users individual engagement with those they follow.

Currently worth around $1.5m, Julia Engels pastel-tinted Gal meets glam feed is brimming with high fashion and has 1.1 million subscribers. She generates revenue using the popular app LIKEtoKNOW.it, which sends followers direct to websites selling the clothes: if they buy, she gets a commission. She has also collaborated with #AmExPlatinum in highly stylised posts that convey the perceived luxury lifestyle promoted by the financial services brand. Each one carries a carefully worded caption and the #ad tag, defining the post as a piece of paid-for advertising. This boundary between independent editorial posts and those that have been paid for in some way is one that is blurred in this new era of social media marketing.

We have no issue with social influencers working with brands, as long as consumers arent misled, says Guy Parker, chief executive of the Advertising Standards Authority, which is working with the Federal Trade Commission in the US and the newly formed International Council of Advertising Self-Regulation to develop some kind of oversight of influencer marketing. We define advertising as a tweet, vlog, blog or Instagram post where the influencer has been paid and there has been some control over the content. We therefore expect the post to have #ad on it in a prominent position, not buried in 30 other hashtags, but in the first three lines of the caption, so it isnt hidden to followers. Its not fair to consumers to expect them to play detective and deduce whether something is an ad or not.

Many millennials believe this isnt necessary as they claim to be able to see whether content is sponsored, but we believe it is imperative to protect consumers who arent that savvy, and ensure they know.

Callum McCahon, strategy director at the social media agency Born Social, says the industry needs to be self-regulating, and that Instagram must take some responsibility for protecting consumers using their platform. Users scroll through feeds fast and are trained to skip past hashtags. I believe Instagram needs to have its own mandatory labelling system for a paid-for post, which Facebook which owns Instagram – has launched recently as branded content.

There is no doubt that a generation of style-conscious entrepreneurs are making a good living in some cases a fortune by building their own personal brands online with fan bases to rival many established global businesses. The challenge will be for newcomers to join a crowded market, and for those with a substantial following to keep them loyal.

The reason a brand is using an influencer is the trusting relationship they have with their followers, says McCahon. When its done properly it is a very effective method of building a brand and selling product.