#its a specific person who i never really decided what kind of relationship we have

[the-trans-dragon]

Could a person with mental illness do THIS?

*spends 20 minutes trying to respond to a text, too anxious to commit to a first word such as "Hey" versus "Hi!" versus maybe a unique catchphrase I should incorporate into my personality like "Banjo bonjour!" or, if it would be more logical, "Bonjour banjo!"*

#🙃 #its a specific person who i never really decided what kind of relationship we have #maybe she was technically one of my bosses? but we started on the same day and bonded over #trying to adjust super quickly and not make mistakes (or to learn from them very quickly) and then we #had some really nice chats about our lives and families and partners #so its like. we are casual coworker acquaintances and we are Girls Who Are Friends (im not sure if she #knew i was trans and nonbinary. i think she assumed i was a woman. but the way she perceived and interacted with my gender was comfy in a #very specific way that makes me feel Okay Being Seen As A Girl. it still doesnt feel like ME. but i can fit inside it without #contorting and hiding parts of myself. kinda like the pants i bought at goodwill that definitely didnt quite fit but #my wife hemmed them a bit and i could squeeze my butt into them if i held my breath and they were a great pair of work pants for $7 #anyways lol she was like a peer/mentor/cool aunt's even cooler best friend/woman you sat next to at the ER one time and she felt like you'd #known her forever but it was probably just because it was 2:30AM and neither of you had slept and were both lowkey curious if you were gonna #die before getting medical help/drunk woman who accidentally says something you've needed to hear for the past decade. lol #so idk if its a “hello” situation or a “hiya” or a “hey sup” or what. :3 well there went another ten minutes while i #rambled in the tags. okay byyyyyye. #sorenhoots

[firesnap]

i have a genuine question. i promise i am not at all trying to defend him. ive dropped him entirely, literally deleted everything i had of him and unliked his songs.

ive just been wondering like considering that he has been in therapy, and also considering how if he does take a year off and then comes back, why cant it be redeemable? like cant people change? cant we give them second chances? he is 27. is he just doomed to be an abuser forever?

its just scary and im asking as like a younger person who is in my very early 20s. i know ive made mistakes. i know ive not been a good partner or friend sometimes. (and yes i was also abusive to a past partner...im not proud of it and ive learned from it. i have never ever touched anyone in that way after that. it took awhile but my current relationship isnt toxic and i would never hurt anyone or hit them again yknow?) and it scares me that people keep insinuating that he is irredeemable. like cant abusers change and become better? dont they get second chances? if shelby has grown and healed in 10 months wouldn't it be fair to say the same for wilbur?

im just genuinely asking because based on everything i believe you are older than me and im looking for guidance and just...idk im scared. growing up on the internet has made me so scared of making mistakes and doing anything wrong because when it happens to others i look up to, its always treated as something they'll never be able to change or improve. makes me feel like imma just be a horrible person forever because i made mistakes in the past.

This is a really complicated question that multiple answers can validly fit.

I don't think, personally, that anyone is irredeemable. I think everyone is on a journey of forgiveness and some of us may need more grace than others.

This is tw// abuse even more than the current topic, but my mom was incredibly abusive. We lived in a very rural area and she had a lot of undiagnosed problems and trauma of her own that created a pressure pot of issues. After I was born, she suffered through full on post-partum psychosis that nearly ended about as well as that sentence implies it could have. She was incredibly violent, controlling, and cruel for years. My sister went no-contact with her the second she turned 18. A significant event occurred that eventually spurned her into seeking real treatment that lasted for years. It's still ongoing.

My sister is also still no contact and I support her decision 100%. Those are her wounds and what she needed to do to get peace should be respected. I decided I wanted a relationship with the person who came out of all that work and, even then, it's been hard. I don't know if she's redeemed herself, and my god do we still have bumps in the road, but I support her for trying.

With Wilbur, how he responds to this is going to really impact a lot of things. I mean, I know no matter how he responds I won't be going on whatever journey of redemption and healing he has to go through. I'm tired and I feel hurt enough. I would think, if he wanted to show he was sincere, admitting what happened would be a great sense of closure for a lot of people who put time and energy and faith into this guy for years.

Not every person that causes harm is inherently evil, but there has to be some kind of knowledge that you're aware of the harm you've caused. No one is stuck as anything forever, life is constantly moving, and most people aren't saying his life is just over. You can work on yourself. You can change. And I'm saying that specifically to you, anonymous.

(Saying this, actually, there ARE people who would argue once you've done x you're beyond redemption based entirely on their life experiences as a victim, personal histories and many other factors. Kinda like my sister, that's their choice. And you have to accept that sometimes you fuck up so badly that you will permanently lose some people from your life. But your life isn't over.)

But I do think, regardless of what he says or does about this, his time of controlling a large platform is at an end. He can still do a lot of things in his life after he works on himself -- editing, song producing, directing, writing or whatever -- but being in charge of a large impressionable audience that could enable more destructive behaviors is just not it.

#the current state of things

[exitwound]

Maybe think about why you care so much about calling gerard way a woman to the extent that you equate it as the only correct way to engage with their work, as if art as well as support for the trans community can’t have value by itself, as if that isn’t the point, not their literal personal internal experience of gender that’s no one’s business, the same way trying to decide if anyone is trans is not your business if that person doesn’t want to tell you or talk about it with you, because it’s gender essentialist, and why it’s so baffling to you that a celebrity in general but especially gerard way might want to avoid labels or this specific type of intrusive categorization , as they have explicitly stated as well as created music that is about the same thing. And shouldnt we live in a world where someone can present gnc, and talk about experiences with gender and with femininity in honest ways, without people not just obsessing over whether that means they’re “really a woman” but outright deciding, and acting like they are. That’s a narrow fucking definition of womanhood. And shouldn't we value that authenticity from people who don’t want to choose a label as much as we do from people who identify in ways they do choose to label, (labels or the lack of btw have never been individual terms but tools for relating or not relating ourselves to the world in specific ways,) Isn’t that a better more open and beautiful mode of creating relationships to each other? Why does gerard need to be a woman to you? Why are you so obsessed with this? Why is transness and queerness and gender nonconformity itself, to you, some kind of item, an object or artifact for distribution upon others — and it is not in fact “creating cisnormativity” to accept the way a person wants to relate their identity to an audience. There are lots of trans women and transfeminine people who are doing everything gerard way is doing for transness and much more. If you want to call someone a woman go call a woman a woman. If you want to celebrate trans joy go celebrate trans joy. Please by all means do I will celebrate with you I am celebrating with you and I am doing it while listening to my chemical romance. So what’s the point in acting like this. I really don't get it. But it concerns me because this isn't the only time I've witnessed this kind of attitude and although its well-intentioned and "playful" its ultimately weird, ultimately harmful. So honestly, if this really feels "low-stakes" to you it might be because you've never dealt with the kinds of situations where the stakes exist, or considered the perspective of someone who has a different relationship to the stakes of your argument than you do.

Because not to be dramatic, but these stakes are the same stakes relevant to the literal record numbers of legislation currently being passed in the US using bioessentialism and gender essentialism to install systems of state-controlled gender-enforcing and forced gendering of trans and non-trans gnc children in schools and in healthcare. What you're doing is, if on a small scale, still contributing to the same conceptualization of gender as these laws, and as the people who passed them, even if you're well intentioned and hate the laws, even if your beliefs are reversed, the framework is the same, and that framework is going to empower the dominant culture, not yours. That's how power works. Which is why it's stupid. It's literally just stupid. And it hurts trans people who have had experiences in the real world where people are just as intrusive as you are being about trying to interpret their gender, and you’re no different for trying to clock people. If you don't know the stakes of your words, you should learn them before you use those words. Just because you're in a bubble of people who agree with you and think this is just about being either "right" or "wrong" about gerard way's gender and wanting to be "right" doesn't dismiss you from the meaning of the actual words you are saying and the ideologies informing your beliefs, whether or not you're aware of them, because the rest of us aren't trying to be right, we're not living in a this-or-that world in the first place. Personally I don't know them. I've appreciated & engaged with what they have said about their experiences with gender as well as their art while also respecting their statements about not liking labels, and treated their silence on their own identity as intentional, because I like knowing what words, and the absences of words, mean

#z

[starlost97]

— melt.

summary: After seeing how heartbroken the families of the people who work for the department get when they die, you decided to not get involved with anyone. You didn't expect, however, to have that ice wall melted away by someone — Jay Halstead — in your own unit. And when Jay got hurt in one of the cases, you couldn't help but be mad at him, and it didn't take long for him to figure out the why.

keywords: fluff, personal favorite, kind of grumpy x sunshine trope, Jay Halstead is a smug bastard, gn!reader.

characters: Jay Halstead.

warnings: mention of near-death experience, swearing.

a/n: wrote this after episode 7 of the Percy Jackson series (hence the Asphodels mention) at 2AM. I was actually going to request that but I ended up wanting to write it myself! hope u like it :)

word count: 1,248.

requested?: no.

Grumpy, reserved, quiet. All words used to describe you. And they weren't really that mistaken.

There was a thick ice wall between you and the rest of the world. A wall that didn't allow you to build any deeper relationship with anyone. One that burned people with its overwhelming coldness.

A wall that you build it yourself a little over a month after entering the Chicago's Intelligence Unit. Specifically after you watched how destroyed a family felt after losing a relative who worked for the department.

You felt selfish for even thinking of getting emotionally involved with someone. What if something happened to you? To them? You would never forgive yourself. You'd be rooted in the Asphodels Meadows — trapped with your own regret for all eternity — if anything ever happened because of you.

Everything was going well with it. You weren't that happy, but you were happier than you would be if you carried all the guilt of putting a loved one in danger.

But you never could prepare yourself to the warmth of Jay Halstead.

How cheeky of you to fall in love with a sweet smile. But it was true. You felt pathetically helpless any time he laughed at your jokes and showed you his teeth.

It was bittersweet. His laugh sounded like heaven and it made your life a living hell. How could you not be selfish? How could you think of being a good person when he was so close to you?

You tried to rationalized it. Tried to think that he wasn't that good. That perfect. That it was just your love-starved brain romanticizing him to tempt you.

Which lead you to the mistake of getting to know him.

Everything got worse.

The attempt of hating his flaws turned out to realizing that his loyalty was too much for his own good. He would mindlessly die for you, without a second thought or regret. How intoxicating.

He was like a honey-flavored poison. The sweetest way to lose yourself forever.

And unfortunately, you tasted him. Not only that, but it was never enough. You couldn't get enough of him. He became everything.

So when he almost died during one of the cases because he risked himself a little too much to get information, you were mad.

"Will you tell me why you're not talking to me?" He asked you, leaning over your desk and tilting his head, letting out a sigh. "Come on, I could've died and you won't even talk to me?"

"It's exactly because of that." You murmured, annoyed, not looking at him.

"What? I didn't hear you." Jay said, getting closer.

"It's because of that!" You said, now louder. You two were alone in the office. You were finishing up some papers while Jay ��� who couldn't for the life of him be separated from you for more than a couple hours — made you company.

"You're not talking to me because I risked myself?" Jay asked, confused, watching as you got up from the chair and went to the break room.

"I'm not talking to you because you're irresponsible!" You answered, finally looking at him in the eyes. Your bodies facing one another.

"I did it for the case! We needed the info!" Jay argued and you groaned, massaging your temples.

"Oh, my God, you really don't understand, do you?" You brushed your hands against your face, trying to calm yourself down.

"No, I don't. You do things like that all the time, and usually is worse. But when I do it, I'm irresponsible?" He asked, frowning.

He looked at you, trying to understand what was wrong. You weren't like this. You didn't fight with people unless their actions harm the case. So what was happening?

It was when the realization hit.

You were worried.

"Detective," He called, flashing you that damned smile that you so desired to kiss. "are you mad because I could've died?"

"Wha- What? No!" You mumbled, taking a step back as he approached you.

"Oh, yeah?" He mumbles, smiling smugly at you. "Are you sure of that?" He asks, getting closer and closer.

"Y-Yes, I am! If you died, it would've been a loss for the team and all the time and money that they invested on you would go to waste and-" You gulped, feeling the cold wall against your back and watching as he trapped you, putting his arms on each side of your face. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing."

"Why are you looking at me like that?" You said, nervously pushing his chest, but not really wanting him to leave.

"Like what?"

"Like that! Staring at my lips! Stop it!"

"Or what?" He asked, smugly.

Your breath got stuck in your throat, and as the seconds went by, he got closer. His forehead was soon touching yours, and his smile only grew bigger.

"Looks just like a dream I had." He said, putting his hand on your chin. "It ended very well. "

You didn't answer right away, trying to process your thoughts. You wanted to give a good answer, something that would make him go away — even though you didn't really want that —, but a wave of curiosity hit you with the revelation that he dreamt of you.

"How so?" Your voice was almost inaudible.

"I got to do more than just kiss you." He whispered, as if telling a secret. "But I think that just being able to kiss you would already make me the luckiest man on earth."

Your gaze fell to his lips, and just the thought of kissing them got you nervous. Your heartbeat rapidly beating against your chest, and for a moment he thought that he could feel it too.

But it was actually his own.

"Please," He asked. It could be mistaken for a beg, but the smug look on his face said otherwise. "detective."

"I thought…" You were breathless. Your nervousness didn't let you speak properly, but still, for some reason, you knew exactly what to say.

"Say it."

"I thought you were a man of action," You breathed out. "detective."

He smiled.

His hands — painfully — slowly went to the nape of your neck, holding it as he pressed his lips against yours, devouring it slowly, torturing you with it.

The kiss was the epitome of breathtaking. His lips moved slow and tenderly against yours, savouring you like it was his last meal.

He could live the rest of his life devoting himself to kissing you. How could it taste so sweet?

Jay wasn't much of a religious man, and he was even farther of believing in Greek gods. But as he felt your body against his and your sweet kiss on his lips, he was sure that you must be Aphrodite's work.

Masterpiece, actually.

His hands traveled around your body, feeling your curves, trying to memorize it so he didn't feel so sad when they weren't against his fingertips — even though that he knew it would be his life's biggest torment.

And he got a taste of it when he had to part himself from your lips.

"What were you saying, baby?" He asked, with a smug smile on his face.

"Fuck you, Jay Halstead." You said before kissing him again, feeling his smile melt against your mouth as your fingers intertwined his hair.

"You wish." He mumbled against your lips, lifting you up by your thighs and wrapping them around his waist.

Jay warmth was definitely more than enough to melt the ice wall away.

#chicago pd #jay halstead x reader #jay halstead #jay halstead x you #jay halstead x y/n #jay halstead x gn!reader #fluff #jay halstead fluff

[infiniteorangethethird]

I've been wanting to put my thoughts abt my experiences as a loveless aroapl into words for a while now, and finally I got the chance to sit down and actually write out all my ideas. Obligatory I don't speak for the entire community and these are just my personal experiences; long post ahead.

First of all, there could be many different meanings to the label loveless, depending on who is the one using it. To me, loveless means that I literally do not experience love, that I do not experience the emotions other people seem to define as love. I do experience strong emotions (though some loveless ppl might not, which is also completely valid), but I identify none of them as love.

The reason I've decided to use the loveless label for myself is because after watching people around me for a long while, I've come to the conclusion that I just simply don't feel the same way about other ppl as they do. I hear my friends talk about how much they missed me after we don't see each other for a while, about how much they wish we had more free time so that we could meet more frequently. I see my long-distance friends with whom we only get to see each other once a year desperately trying to find a time we are all free so that we could meet. I get invited to outings with friends before we even have a plan of what we want to do bc to them, the fact that we're spending time together is more important than what we're actually doing.

Thing is, I do enjoy spending time with people. There are a lot of things, activities, that are more fun (or just straight up made possible) if done with others instead of alone. I also enjoy the safety having a network of people around you can give. But at the same time, I've never really felt any pull towards specific people. I enjoy spending time with people in general, but my interest is a lot more directed at the activities we do together and the general concept of not doing it alone instead of the people involved. At the end of the day I don't care much about who those people are, so long as they are decent and aren't actively ruining the experience.

That isn't to say I'm an asshole to them, though. I know very well that friendships (and relationships in general) require a certain level of care in both directions, usually involving spending time together, and just generally being there for the other. I do want my friends to be happy, I do want to make them happy, but it's not really out of an emotional desire to make them specifically happy, rather a more general inner drive to be good to people. I will put in the effort to socialize, to spend time with people, to listen to them and be there for them emotionally bc I know that's what it takes to maintain a relationship, but it's always going to be somewhat impersonal and more I do out of duty than out of an emotional drive to get closer to them.

And yet, the fact that the general population does seem to have this emotional drive while I never felt anything like it made me feel for the longest time that there was something wrong with me. That not feeling the correct way about my friends is making me somehow evil for tricking them into thinking I was actually their friend, and not some kind of monster who was just using their kindness against them - and it's hard not to feel that way. We live in a society that assumes and constantly reinforces the idea that not only is love the purest emotion, but also the only thing a relationship can be based on. Any relationship that doesn't have love at its core is worthless or meaningless, and if you deliberately enter a relationship as a loveless person you are a bad person and the relationship is inherently toxic. It doesn't matter what you actually do, or what feelings might motivate it - if it's not out of love, it's bad.

In this framework, being loveless means no matter how hard you try, you will just never be enough. It isn't enough to be kind or generous or caring, you MUST love the other, and if they find out you don't, there's a really good chance they will take it as a personal attack and break contact with you, even if before they called you their best friend.

It was this pressure that made me pick up the loveless label. For too long have I felt like I wasn't doing enough, like I was missing something, like I wasn't trying hard enough to feel love. I kept beating myself up over not feeling the correct emotions, but unsurprisingly, this did not make me more capable of love. It just made me hate myself for the way I existed. But the moment I accepted myself as loveless? All of that pressure was gone. I learnt that emotions don't inherently make an action morally better or worse, and that at the end of the day, it doesn't matter what you feel so long as you do the right thing. People don't actually see your emotions, only your actions.

Of course, I still struggle with making and keeping friends. Turns out it is rather difficult to maintain a relationship when you don't have an innate drive towards people; then put on that extra layer of autism and low empathy and you got a recipe for disaster. Still, that doesn't mean I don't try, because I do want to be around people, and I do want those people to be happy to be around me, even if it means I have to put in the extra effort to connect with them that to most ppl comes naturally.

I know this turned out to be pretty long but I wanted to elaborate on these thoughts to give them justice as best as I could. Loveless is still a label most people either don't know or are very confused about, and I just hope I could shed some light on the experience for those who are still unfamiliar with it.

I'm open to answering (good faith) questions, but please remember that I am still just one guy and can't speak on behalf of the whole community.

(Other loveless ppl, feel free to add on your own experiences as well, I'd love to hear about them!)

#loveless #loveless aro #loveless aromantic #aromantic #aro #arospec #loveless aplatonic #loveless apl #aplatonic #aplspec #queer stuff #lgbtq

[rebo-chan]

Sorry y'all this one's gonna be a long one lol fun analysis/theorizing/headcanoning whatever the fuck this is under the cut :)

So, lately I've been really thinking about Lambo and Tsuna's relationship, Lambo's connection to Vongola, and Lambo's spot as the Lightning Guardian. I know as a fandom, we tend to disregard Lambo because he has like.. two fights in the whole series or wish that someone else was made the Lightning Guardian because that boy is Literally Five. And I won't act like it wouldn't have been cool to see another character as Lightning Guardian (My Haru Guardian fans rise up where are you) but I think what Amanos done here is really fun too from an analysis perspective.

To start with, Tsuna's family is not really a..traditional Mafia family or even a traditional Vongola family either. Let's look at this here, he's got his Two Best Friends(TM), his crush's big brother, the leader of the Disciplinary Committee at his school, a criminal, a half dead girl, and the aforementioned five year old as his guardians. This is FAR from what's likely expected out of the Vongola family, even when you date it back to Primo AT LEAST PRIMO HAD PRINCES, PRIESTS, SAMURAIS as his guardians. (Though he gets away with having One Best Friend (TM) as his guardian.) Yet somehow, their family makes it work!! They survive the Mafia world, multiple times throughout the series and when it's not working they get stronger as a unit and they fight for each other and make it out together. And I think that's the beauty of their specific family.

So then you have Lambo, who Tsuna would do anything for just to avoid Lambo having to experience a fraction of the shit they go through. And Tsuna actually SUCCEEDS at this, he doesn't normally succeed when it comes to being avoidant of Mafia stuff but this was something throughout the series that he was so genuinely adamant against. He only let Lambo fight when he truly had to and even then he very minimally let the Mafia world wrap its greedy paws around Lambo. Kokuyo arc, Tsuna didn't even sort of kind of a little bit consider taking Lambo with them (which would later help keep Kyoko and Haru safe), Varia arc, knowing that this would disqualify him, Tsuna decided he could not allow Lambo to keep fighting.

Future Arc, Tsuna kept Lambo out of the fight as much as he could, allowing the non-fighters to take care of him and I-pin. Shimon Arc, Tsuna felt real regret at the prospect that he allowed Lambo to come.

(And Arco arc where Lambo was hardly present at either, which I'd like to imagine that if Lambo was involved in Arco arc then Tsuna may have just absolutely fucking died)

Tsuna to Lambo is not his guardian (Frankly, he doesn't view any of his guardians as such, they are his friends, his pride, his comrades, and those he has traded blows with and knows they can be trusted.) Lambo to Tsuna is his little brother. This five year old was sent on an assassination attempt that was absolutely in no circumstance meant to actually succeed and the Bovinos know that. To send Lambo to assassinate the strongest hitman was a death mission. So, Tsuna took this child in (or rather this child stuck around bc his Mom makes banger meals) and immediately Tsuna assumes the role of his brother. Lambo and Tsuna are the closest out of all the kids. (Ofc Tsuna loves I-pin and fuuta too, but I think it's safe to say Lambo is his dumb little brother)

Now, I don't think that Tsuna is ever going to see Lambo as anything but his little brother. I actually theorize that the way TYL Lambo is the way he is because Tsuna never really got out of the habit of babying him. He's calmed down since he was a kid and developed a more nonchalant personality with the occasional tantrum because you can't tell me Tsuna DOESNT STILL view TYL Lambo as a non-combatant. When Tsunas 15, he looks at 5 year old Lambo and goes no thanks that boy is never touching a weapon in his life. When Tsunas is 25, he sees 15 year Lambo and goes that is STILL a child he is never touching a weapon in his life. And yes he's completely unaware of the hypocrisy in my head.

This is a spoiled little brother no one can tell me otherwise.

So we know Tsuna just sees him as his kid brother and not a real guardian. But then you have Lambo's feelings about the whole matter. We know that Lambo doesn't really consider Tsuna a boss but as his big brother, but I don't think that changes a lot for Lambo. While fighting is scary for Lambo, he still desires to follow alongside Tsuna and his friends. He doesn't want to be left behind and makes Tsuna promise him he'll take him wherever he goes. He sees Tsuna freaking out about him being a child in a battlefield and he goes, "No you don't understand, I want to be there."

And that? That right there is what fucks me up after everything. Lambo as a concept for a Lightning Guardian feels really unique because of this. He's the youngest one. He's always going to chase after the others, trying to keep up with them, to walk alongside them. One day, he wants to catch up and be considered a rightful Guardian like the others. And that is so... Tsuna and him would be batting heads over this because I cannot see Tsuna relenting on Lambo staying out of the battle. I cannot see Tsuna ever feeling like Lambo's ready. Not because he thinks Lambo is weak, but because Lambo's his baby brother and Tsuna needs him more away from the battle or else he can't focus.

While Tsuna doesn't react outwardly in this frame, I do think it's not a coincidence that he could focus on fighting the battle and not be "impatient" as Reborn put it, the moment he saw Gokudera and Hibari on the battlefield. He could focus easier knowing his friends were running around saving Lambo and co.

Okay, so you have the Big brother who wants to protect his little brother from seeing the same stuff he does, from fighting the same battles he does, and wants him to grow up as a regular kid (a right which he had been robbed off the moment a certain hitman showed up at his door). Then you have the little brother who wants wholeheartedly to be there, desires to catch up to his big brother and know the world that his big brother knows.

How does this difference in value get addressed? well it doesn't because Lambo is still 5 and Shounen jump are cowards for ending Amanos series when they did <3 B U T we have this.

We all know this scene for when we rewatched Reborn for the first and went "..wait.." because that was some actually sweet foreshadowing from Amano. Okay, so. We have a Lambo who finally did it. Finally is someone worthy of being called the Vongola Lightning Guardian. And Tsuna and co are implied to have just been... Gone. All of Tsuna's efforts to raise this kid in a regular life are ripped away because something happens to HIM, not Lambo. And from Lambo's perspective, he's caught up finally but the person he was following isn't around anymore. He didn't think he'd see him again. I think it's safe to assume that this scene either implies that something happens to Tsuna in his 30s (since we know he wasn't actually dead TYL) OR 20yl Lambo is from a parallel world where Byakuran had actually won and actually took Tsunas life.

And I think that's some real meat to bite into for these characters. A little brother who will lose his big brother if he doesn't do something, get stronger in time. A big brother who won't let him join the battle because he's afraid of losing HIS little brother. A Vongola Lightning Guardian who wants to be a shield for his Boss, and a Boss won't let him be a shield.

And that? That's a good concept for a Vongola Lightning Guardian.

Thank you for reading this far if you did :] this is a bit of a ramble but I was thinking about it and I felt it nice to share. I hope maybe I shared some of my brain worms with you <3

#katekyo hitman reborn #khr #sawada tsunayoshi #lambo bovino #ough this was a long one #why cant i make regular haha funny one liners #whys everything gotta be a thesis paper i s2g

[imagining-in-the-margins]

A Desert Bloom (S.R.)

Summary: Reader has never liked cacti. Spencer finally finds out why. A/N: Written for a very dear friend of mine, and anyone else who might need it. Couple: Spencer Reid/GN!Reader Category: Comfort/Fluff Content Warning: Complicated maternal relationship, minor self-deprecation, implied parental abuse Word Count: 875

MASTERLIST

Having grown up in Nevada, Spencer had always been both put-off and fascinated by the plant stores on the East Coast. While the wide array of colors was breathtaking in its own right, it felt foreign and slightly overwhelming to him.

But when you’d asked him to come with you to pick out a housewarming plant for your first apartment together — so sweetly and with those eyes that made him speechless — he couldn’t say no. He could, however, make a beeline straight to the plants that reminded him of home.

Spencer had known that you were not particularly fond of cacti, but he hadn’t ever asked you why. It seemed like the kind of story that you would share when you were ready.

And that day, you were.

“Why do you like succulents so much?” you asked with your nose slightly crinkled.

“I think they’re funny little things,” he answered with a chuckle under his breath. “The peak of evolution if you ask me.”

“Oh,” you grumbled. You said nothing else.

But Spencer could see in the way your body shifted but failed to really move away that you’d wanted him to say more.

He just didn’t know what, so he asked, “Why don’t you?”

“I don’t dislike them,” you corrected. It was not convincing enough for you, so you tried to explain, “We just… have a complicated relationship.”

Spencer laughed a little, and so did you. But after the noise died down, you continued with a softer voice.

“My mom used to always say they reminded her of me.”

Spencer’s heart sunk in his chest before you’d even had a chance to explain. He knew what was coming and he knew that he was about 20 years too late to fix it.

“She said they were just like me. Difficult.”

Like the cactus in front of them, Spencer bristled. His jaw and his hands tensed at first. Slowly, he released the tension to gently hold a leaf from a burro’s tail without causing it to fall.

With a dark, unamused tone, Spencer grumbled, “The fact that’s what she sees when she looks at desert plants tells me all I need to know about her.”

It had made so much sense to him that he had forgotten to explain. You were used to that, though, so you just asked, “What do you mean?”

“I mean, cacti are one of the most resilient plants in the world. They aren’t hard to deal with, most people love them specifically for their resilience.”

You caught the two words he’d been emphasized the hardest.

“Most people?”

“Well, I personally think those people are wrong,” he said with finality.

“How are they wrong?”

Again, you sought the answer you craved. The real reason why Spencer loved cacti. Perhaps, if you could understand why he was drawn to a plant that had warnings plastered across every inch of its surface, maybe — just maybe — you might understand him better.

Maybe you would finally understand why he’d decided to love you despite the difficulty.

“Sure, a cactus can live in awful conditions, but that’s…” he paused. He swallowed the lump in his throat and blinked away the small tears pooling at his eyelashes, “That’s not how you get them to bloom.”

You said nothing. He continued.

“The people who think they can just do whatever they want and the cactus will survive it, well… they just don’t want to pay attention to shriveled leaves and the rotting roots.”

Each word felt like a prick. You could feel the spines of a cactus reaching out from your heart. They broke through the drought inside of your chest like they had finally found the safety they sought. You wanted to scream, to shout, to say anything at all. You wanted to defend the cactus that was just trying to find a way to make it to the next rainfall.

But Spencer had already known.

“They’re the problem, not the cactus.”

You didn’t even notice you were crying until a tear fell from your chin. Spencer turned away from his reminder of his home and held you, instead. He sheltered you from the world as you released the excess water that the world had drowned you in. Then, when you were ready, he followed you to the plant you’d picked.

That afternoon, as you played with the soft petals of the orchid, Spencer was not interested in looking at the finicky, albeit ornate, plant that you’d picked. Instead, his eyes settled on the most beautiful thing in the room.

Spencer thought about how he’d learned at a very young age that if you treat a cactus right, if you take the time to learn its language and help curate a space for it to grow, it will grow, and it will bloom.

He looked at you. He looked at your tentative smile peeking through the landscape of your new home. He looked at you while you recognized yourself in the softness of a flower. Spencer looked at you above any other beautiful thing that might try to call to him.

He would always look at you because he had always been particularly fond of the desert bloom.

(Tell me what you thought about this piece here!)

P.S. Did you know Tumblr might be hiding some of my posts from you? Learn how to change this setting here so you can enjoy my more scandalous works (if you want), including my most recent one, which can be found here.

#dr spencer reid #spencer reid #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid/reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid comfort #spencer reid fandom #criminal minds comfort #criminal minds fanfic #criminal minds fandom #cm fanfiction

[gryphis-eyes]

⊙ ἀγάπη

" Unable to perceive the shape of You, I find You all around me. Your presence fills my eyes with Your love, It humbles my heart, For You are everywhere. "

⊙ Welcome to this Shape of Water love reading, yes I finaly took my balls and make a love pac hehehe this reading isn’t truly a prediction its more of an assumption about what your ideal partner would be based on your present self but you can technically see this reading as a way to confirm who your next partner would be y’know. It was supposed to be longer but I decided to do it chill since im still a bit rusted lol but I really miss being active on tumblr. For more explaination, the ”core card” is found by additioning the numbers of the cards you picked with Lenormand, for me its a card that show the core/hidden part of a reading but you can use this method in other ways.

◇ Deck used : Rider Waite (only court cards), Lenormand

Masterlist ⊙

 

🜄 Pile 1  

♤ Key, book, ship 【core : coffin】

Court card : king of cups

They seem like someone who’s heart and mind are often clashing but despite it they are quite emotional intelligent, by this I mean that they might be very emotional by nature but they did learn to manage their emotions OR they take an intellectual approach to their feelings, is it a good thing or not ? Well its up to them because this kind of behavior can become toxic for themselves but i got a lot of cards who refer to them being very intelligent. They probably follow a specific philosophy or are into litterature in general, there is this dark academia vibe to them. Very hardworking, full of knowledge but never got enough at the same time, they got bof ”personal intelligence” and academic intelligence, talking to them about various subject must be a great experience for sure. Their intelligence and serious aspect make them quite sensual people might often look at them even if they dont seem to care about other’s look they seem introverted to me. Its like if someone stopped them to compliments them they would be a bit awkward like ”uh? Thank you I guess?”. Very INTP vibe. To be honest I was persuaded that I'll pick the King of Swords to them because of their vibe but not, its the King of cups with the Coffin as the core card so we got someone who have a cold exterior and keep their good side to themselves and to a very close group of people. They have been through tuff situation in their life, would I dare say that they might have experienced depression ? I see them as a melancholic King of cups, imagine an King alone on a cliff looking at the sea, so many thoughts are passing by from a strange theory about a myth to a sad realisation that they are indeed, a hopeless lover. Seems like someone needs to go under that shell to see their true self and heart (but not in a savior way, y’know).

🜄 Pile 2  

♤ Mouse, whip, house, 【core ; whip】

Court card : queen of pentacles

Your ideal partner seem to be... interesting for sure, when I took the first cards I was a bit worried but the last one put the pieces togheter. Basically you got someone who ready to risk it all just to have a quiet and comfy life in their house (the house can also symbolise your relationship), listen to Faith from Karen Aoki the lyrics match them but most importantly for the one who get the reference from where the song come from you might understand the reading in a quite twisted way haha. The character who’s listening to this song is a pretty bad person with a very clean and kind exterior. Of course im not saying that your ideal partner is 100% this character but they remind me of him because he goes as far as killing people to have his quiet life but your reading is LESS extreme haha it just reminded me of him a lot in a softer way. Your ideal partner might even had broken many hearts because they know what they worth and what they want in life and in love, probably even in work and we got an other hopeless lover. They are so focused on perfection that sadly, they became pessimistic wether its because things are too slow, they are faaar from their ideal life or just sometimes they ask themselves if they are good enough or ask for too much in the end but it doesn’t last long since they will quickly get a reminder to not make the bar lower. However when they finally get something wether its a person an animal or an object they take extremely good care of ”it” they are very nurturing and caring, probably got a sweet voice (and touch ?). Once they settle its for the long run, I get something  that they might need a reminder of not being too possessive with their partner because of course a partner is an other human being you can’t predict everything they would do, its the sad truth even the most loving wife can turn into a backstaber (that’s an exemple of course) they are probably terrified of the idea of being cheated on. Especially since they seek their ideal life it probably attract people with the intention to take and disappear. They need a big hug if you want my opinion they probably got some hard time with family and people while growing up. They need love and they know it.

🜄 Pile 3

♤ Sun, cross, Fox, 【core ; bouquet】

Court card ; King of wands

Alright you got the incarnation of the sun here, a golden person ! Very charismatic (and they know it) they make the room light up and when they smile the world is illuminated (I'll stop give it to their ego now). Your ideal partner’s personality remind me of Giorno from jjba. The big light of the sun is balanced by the cross and the fox who add some shade in a good way. Life have been hard on them and so they had to be a fox to survive, sneak their way into situation maybe even got to have jobs that they hated just to get enough money to escape their nasty place. Despite still having a hard time in life they keep up and seem to be always in all of their glory, they are a true born leader and dont mess around. I think if you try to trick them you'll fall from high ground since they are used to hardship nothing can stop them and their heart of gold will always feed their inner flame ! Like the sun they shine bright but alone, despite being great leaders they also do well alone and seem to value those hermit period. People might always say that they are about to fail or that their situation look doomed but you know what ? Even if its need to have some failed attempt they always end up wining,  like I said they are very determined and probably stubborn about their goal. Its someone that you can trust. They got the vibe of the movie Fantastic Mr.Fox, maybe they put a lot of effort into being impressive for ”the public”? Like if someone tell them they can’t do something they will be like ”oh really?” and end up doing this thing better than necessary. Its nice, its amazing but they need some rest and to stop feeling the need to show off all the time haha they know their limit and their worth so they know how to chose their battles, simply because of those things it look like they are always wining.

#tumblr did everything in its power to stop me from posting it #pick a card #gryphis #pick a pile #love pick a card #ideal partner

[polyamorousmood]

How do you deal with insecurity in a polyam relationship?

I've been in a poly V before, with my girlfriend at the time, and her other partner; but I honestly wasn't really invested in the relationship so I wasn't bothered.

I feel like,, if I have a partner and we either a) accept another and form a triad or b) I end up with a metamour again, I would end up worrying that my parner(s) would leave me to simply be together.

(For context, I have AvPD so like... abandonment is a complex of mine and I'm working on it but I'm still so insecure a lot of the time.)

So.. yeah. I've seen you address jealousy/envy, and I know I'd probably deal with a bit of that (in the sense that 'oh, b gets to spend time with c while I'm at work, I'm envious' kind of way) but I know that insecurity would be the thing that would bother me the most

Polysecure by Jessica Fern is generally considered a holy text 🛐of polyamory and this exact question in particular. I haven't read it personally (yet. Its on my list my list is just long 😅) So if you haven't given that a go yet, everyone I know who has read it, has recommended at least sections of it. I know it talks about attachment styles and how to handle those, which might be helpful if you have avoidant personality disorder.

The other thing, of course, is consider bringing this up with a therapist, because I am not one. And this seems like a touchy enough topic that everything I say here is pulled from my experience and should be taken as "ideas to think about🤔" and not "clinical advise that will Fix It🪄" As per usual, LOTS to go over here. So. read more.

P.S. after typing up everything, I realized this post I wrote to help a supportive partner address insecurity might also be helpful for you, and even has a worksheet! Its probably better formatted too. So.. maybe I wasted my typing here 😓. C'est la vie.

Firstly, you never said you identify as polyamorous. So if you're not... you could just date monogamously 🤷 as much as I love 💟polyamory and would like it if the whole world loved it too, if that's gonna be too big a thing for you, there's no reason you have to bother at all.

If you are going to date polyamorously for whatever reason, BEFORE you introduce another person to the mix, have a regular, set time you and your partner spend apart. It sounds counter-intuitive, but maintaining your own social life and identity outside your partner is huge. Do this especially when you're super invested and want to spend every second with your partner. That's honestly true whether you're poly or not, but in this specific case. I think a lot of the fear is bolstered by the idea that without you there, your partner is just spending that time loving the other person. And maybe they'd like to do that more blah blah blah. But this proves that's not the case: when you're not there, you partner is getting drinks with the girls, or building model ships, or any other numerous things they like independent of you. And it also means you're not just pining over your partner when you're gone, you have other shit to do too. And you'll come to look forward to your two hours a week at the coffee shop (or whatever). You will learn reasonable time apart does not equal less romantic interest.

And then, on the flip side of that, set regular protected time with your partner. Not to say never ever will something come up that interrupts that. Emergencies arise🚨, or the time may have to be renegotiated later, etc etc. But having the confidence that no matter what, you'll have a movie date every week, or that Tuesday night is Romance Night, or whatever you decide on, can make it easier. It can help prevent you feeling taken for granted, and can naturally curb NRE with other people if that starts getting unruly. If your partner starts wanting to cut into this time for not-important-shit, tell them you're not okay with that, or -- and only if truly it feels okay to you -- at least get them to make the time up the next day. And you, of course, need to treat it as special too. Make the time important, fulfilling, and intimate. It can be any activity, as long as its bonding time -- quality time, in the truest sense of the word.

Take time to get to know yourself, and share it with your partner. What do you consider to be sacred between you and your partner? Are you okay with your meta and your partner having sacred things -- what type of things? Do you feel better knowing the details of your partner's other relationships, or will that make you more jealous? (I like knowing more, because the thought of my partner having this secret life without me makes me more insecure, but other people are very reasonably of the opinion that hearing that their partner had so much fun without them is a bummer.) How much about you are you okay with your partner dilvulging to your meta(s)? Go through this on as many things as you can think of. Now, what you're comfortable with is not the only factor here; you and your partner will probably both have to make some concessions to reach something workable, but I've found that process, with a good partner, to be more securing in and of itself. You both are working together towards a common understanding. Its generally good practice to avoid hard-and-fast rules here, when possible. For example, "I'm only okay with you dating others if you're home by 11🕚 every night" makes some sense, but if taken literally means if your partner gets a flat on the way home, or has to deal with your meta's mental breakdown, or even just wants to see a movie that won't finish until 11:05 -- that's a betrayal. Perhaps even just asking for a one-time allowance is a betrayal. Instead, work for understandings or guidelines. Maybe the similar understanding in this example is "its hard for me to sleep alone, so I'd like you to generally be home by 11:00, and notify me as soon as possible if that's not going to happen" and then when they bring up wanting to stay out late one night for something, you can ask if its possible for them to do it on a night you don't have to work in the morning (maybe they can, maybe they can't, the point here is that its a dialogue, see below). There will be some trial and error here, so be prepared for that and stick it out.

Don't take every problem as a sign things are doomed, or your partner is divesting, or your partner isn't worth your investment. There will be times when someone is actually abusive, or there will be irreconcilable differences. I'm not talking about those. I'm talking about "My partner is late for the second time this week, they're pulling away from me, this is the beginning of the end"-type shit. No it ain't. A good exercise for this is to explicitly outline your worst-case scenario💣, followed by a best case-scenario🌈, and then a few most likely cases⬜. So from our example above, worst case is that they're pulling away (so you have to pull away faster so you "win" and avoid pain), best case-scenario is that they're late because they're buying you a gift on their way home, and most likely scenario is that traffic's worse than they planned or they ran into someone at the gas station and stopped to talk for a bit or whatever.

Figure out how to self-soothe. Make a stache of nice things your partner has done for you that you can check on your own to remind yourself you're important to them. Reframe some of your jealous worries. Remind yourself of things you're looking forward to with your partner. Make a vent journal. Whatever clicks to you.

And as always, 🗣️talk to your partner. Productively talk to your partner.🗣️ Talk to your partner as much as possible about how things make you feel, and make sure they're doing the same. I talk more about how to talk through problems here, and its worth the read imho (even though its equally long). But for now, know that forming this habit on its own is functionally indistinguishable from being securely attached. As long as the communication is you and your partner vs the problem (and not, for example, your insecurity vs your partner's willingness to compromise), this will be good for the relationship, and you will feel better for doing it. But to form that habit, you have to do it with everything, not just Big Problems. You have to tell your partner sincerely how much you appreciate stuff they're getting right, you have to tell them about small problems that you can handle on your own, you have to tell them about things you're not sure how you feel about yet.

#jealousy #insecurity #poly relationship advice #ask box is always open

[exocynraku]

hi! no idea if this has been answered, but have you considered how groups of seals think about queerness as a whole? are there trans seals? how do they perceive gayness or a complete disinterest in sexual relations (and, tying into this-seals who have no desire to have a partner, whether or not it's platonic?) no pressure to respond d: love ur little guys the gene sheet is so cool

Short answer: our human concepts of gayness and transgendism don’t properly/fully apply to caeseal societies because gender is not a concept that exists. It’s just never been invented. sex-based genders (boy and girl), masculinity/felinity and tradtional gender roles don't exist. The only thing that does exist is different ways seals will PERSONNALY refer to themselves (pronoun wise i talk about mostly). I say personally because the pronouns seals use are ALWAYS DIFFERENT! specifically catered to the singular seal! (with the except of it/its which you'll have to read my long answer for if you want to understand that) Our human concepts of asexualism/aromanticism/things akin to that DO exist but play a more prominent role in pods. Hunts are kind of an odd ball, lol. Long answer: caeseals and their relationships with sexuality and gender are a lot more different than ours, mostly because:

 caeseals have little to no physical difference between sexes excluding reproducing organs. i'm still debating if i want to add any sort of sex-linked gene(s). this is very unlike most real species of seals but i decided on it mostly because i . Like it more than normal sexual dimorphism? that's sort of it. 

with no obvious sexual differences there also isn’t really a concept of ‘masculinity’ or ‘femininity’, and traditional gender roles haven’t been invented. 

and this all does play a part in caeseal society. how sexuality and “gender” both work differ between pod and hunt groups ! 

hunts: with mates being assigned, what we know as traditional romance is pretty much nonexistent. hunt seal romance is more akin to friendly rivalries.

sexual and romantic attraction really isn’t something that cross hunt seals minds. it does occur, but very few will act on them until later in their life (after they’ve mated, when they can do whatever they want). Excluding a distaste towards sex, which they’ll usually act on sometime after getting paired up by killing their partner.

the sex of hunt seals is known by the leader of the hunt. since they are the ones who choose pairings, they need to keep track of everybody to make sure pairings would be able to reproduce. 

all hunt seals start their lives being called ‘it’ (it/its). this also works as a catch-all term if you need to refer to a seal you don’t know the gender of.

most hunt seals will eventually stray away from 'it' as they grow. there are many reasons one may, and i couldn't list them all. but, as they stray away, the terms they choose are usually entirely unrelated to their sex. instead, it's usually related to their fighting style! 

all seals, no matter the group, attack by biting. but attacking is not all you need to know, especially in hunts. hunts teach all sorts of specialized moves, ranging from defense techniques, knowing your limits & how to use your differences to your advantage, surprise attacks, how to use your surroundings, etc etc. and a lot of seals have somethint they specialize in.

hunt seals use this when choosing how to refer to themselves. have you ever heard of kiki and bouba? how kiki sounds sharp and pointy and bouba sounds soft and round? hunt seals apply the vibes and feelings of different noises (letters) to the vibes and feelings of the thing they specialize in. 

a seal who specializes in surprise attacks would go for something short and sudden sounding (ex: t/k/v/j), maybe a noise that'd instil a feeling of dread. (ex: ss/ee) 

a seal who specializes in a battering-ram style charges to throw opponents around would want something that starts slower (oo, uu, aa, hh, gg) and ends solid, but not sharp. (d/g/b/m) 

etc etc, i could make a million examples. hunt seals who specialize in multiple styles could use multiple pronouns or mix two together. if a hunt seal's style changes over time, so could how they refer to themselves. 

what feeling a certain letter evokes does vary SLIGHTLY hunt to hunt, but that doesn't matter, and a hunt seal wouldn't introduce themselves to a seal from a different hunt. they'd just fight each other. 

i’ll probably make a guide for what letters hunt seals associate different things to. but that’ll be later

pods: pod culture around relationships is a LOT more complex than hunts and is a bit hard to define. Gender is . still a bit complex but it’s definitely easier to understand than their relationships

similar to hunts, pod seals begin their lives being referred to as it (it/its). but the way pod seals figure out what terms they’ll be referred to as isn’t actually determined by them. as seals grow up, the people around them and the people they’re close to, usually immediate family, will start referring to them in different ways. whatever their family thinks fits them. as time goes on, eventually certain terms will fall off and others will stick. and eventually, usually when they’re about halfway thru their juvenality, one will REALLY stick. that’ll be how this seal refers to themselves.

similar to hunts, these terms are usually made up, but not related to sounds. they’re related to things that the seals family associates with them. usually physical objects/things or ‘vibes’. this is a little hard to explain, but eventually i’ll make an easier guide/make examples.

If a seal for whatever reason doesn’t like the term that’s been decided for them, they can ask for more suggestions/pick a different one their family recommended/make one up themselves/etc. It’s rare for this to happen but it’ll show up every so often. 

Pods relationships are open and ‘cheating’ is not a concept that exists in their society. Seals who never end up in relationships with other seals do exist but they’re hard to find. Most seals are able to keep track of who they’re in a relationship with but those who like having lots of partners will occasionally keep lists. 

Most seals end up in relationships with those who they grew up with but meeting someone totally new does happen. And when i mean meeting someone new, i mean both from a different pod and inside your OWN pod. This might seem crazy but, i think i’ve mentioned it, pods can get VERY BIG!!!! There is most DEFINITELY a chance there’ll be some seals you don’t meet for a long time or are only acquaintances with. 

Pod relationships are pretty complex but CAN be understood if you put a bit of brain into it. The only relationship that’s not hard to figure out are familial relationships as those just work as. That’s my family. That’s not my family. Otherwise, pod seal relationships usually consist of offshoots of platonic, romantic or sexual. (ps: when i say platonic i don’t mean stuff like friends or acquaintances those are their own thing that word just how they do normally in real life) to give a few examples, someone could have a solely romantic relationship with another seal, but be open to romantic or sexual relationships. Someone could like romantic relationships but only with people they don’t know very well. I could quite literally go on forever. 

But, when referring to another seal, pod seals will generally say ‘i don’t know that seal/we’re acquaintances/we’re friends’ or ‘we have a relationship/we are partners’ and then expand further or not depending on comfort. I’m not sure if i explained that well (like ive done with most of the stuff in this post putting my thoughts into words is brain melting) but i’ll have to cap it here before i die in some sort of way. But i’ll get around to making nice guides eventually, probably when school stops swamping me (who knows when that’ll be though) 

#caeseals #ray talk

[dudeyuri]

I'm having thoughts and feelings about bad buddy must be a day that ends in y. But like, last episode tomorrow, kind of verklempt, need to word vomit

My first watch of Bad Buddy kind of smacked me upside the head. I know this is not a unique experience. I was left reeling for a bit. Watching Bad Buddy was the first thing I did in 2023 and I watched all 12 episodes in one sitting like a glutton and I stayed up til 1am even though I had to get up at 4am the next day (I haven't done stupid shit like that since college). Then I started my rewatch the next day. Then I put it aside for months because it was actually a physical ache in my chest when I thought about it. I just...never?? encountered such a fulfilling narrative that followed through on all its promises. Even with its deliberate deceptions and twists and uncertainties - I put my trust in Bad Buddy's narrative and was rewarded for doing so like never before.

It got me from the first episode - the first episode did what I think almost every first episode should do: tell you exactly what the story is going to be, without telling you exactly what the story is going to be. Fantastic writing, deliberate pacing, satisfying character development, pitch-perfect acting, all top-notch. It kept the energy up all throughout even as it got heavier, and stuck the landing in such a profound and bittersweet way. This was the first Thai BL I've ever watched, and probably the third BL I've ever watched period. One of my first impressions after finishing it even for the first time was that it was, maybe above all else, self aware.

My initial impression was also not a unique one: so far this is funny, charming, an exciting premise. And by episode 4 I was starting to get hit with it: this story is all those things and a knife in your gut, a lump in your throat. And it's queer, and it's tragic. Like, from the jump we see the two households both alike in dignity, we know what this is: it's Romeo and Juliet (or Kwan and Riam). We know how it ends. Pran knows how it ends. They teased us the whole show with Pran's decor, his doorknob hanger, like this show's version of a comedy and tragedy mask - what's it going to be? How's it going to end? Everyone watching knows how romcoms typically end. But everyone also knows how Romeo and Juliet ends.

In a move that can really only be described as revolutionary, Bad Buddy decided that queering the Romeo and Juliet narrative meant a happy ending. With caveats, but happy and alive and together. It was as simple as two characters finding their agency in a world trying to deprive them of it, seeing every path around them that led to tragedy, and instead trailblazing a new one that led to happiness. (everything that could be said about this has already been said; I look to this essay by @chickenstrangers often!! helped me make sense of pat gets shot lol. MK I hope you're not sick of people linking this left and right). It's a narrative choice that resounds.

I was personally struck by that specific pain Pat and Pran experience, the pain of having to lie to your parents and keep love a secret from them - is there a queer person out there who doesn't relate to that in a bone-achingly deep way? Regardless of your relationship with your family. Having to partition yourself like this is part of the queer experience. And it's exhausting because you just have to live like this. It's exhausting because the people who are supposed to love you have made a liar of you instead. You can be surviving and thriving and happy, but your parents will still ask your siblings about their love lives and ask you about the weather (too real??? oops). There's a hint at a possible thawing in the final episode that gives hope, but Bad Buddy does not magically make the parents realize they were wrong and accept their sons' love - I mean, that just doesn't happen. It would have made for a disingenuous ending, it would have been a disservice to the narrative and to the viewers and to the metaphor. If you're lucky enough to have parents who would, you're lucky. It's a sad truth. "We can't change the world...but the world can't change us either."

At first glance, Bad Buddy plays in the "BL bubble". Upon a slightly closer examination Bad Buddy says there can never really be a bubble--stories aren't crafted in a vacuum, the dominant ideology that is homophobia traumatizes and endangers and oppresses all who do not align with it, still there are happy endings for us here. We find each other and carve them out ourselves. To say all this, and to not veer into heavy-handed "yeah okay we get it" territory is a feat honestly! Seldom accomplished in such a riveting and sexy way! How refreshing! Bad Buddy reminded me of reading a good poem - upon first read, a good poem is about "a thing," and it's evocative as is and you don't even have to read it again to enjoy it. But you can also consider it carefully and unearth "the other thing," a deeper meaning, the answer to "why was this written?". Bad Buddy trusts its viewers to get there. I mean I know it's really not much of a hidden message, but again, they are subtle with it, iykyk etc. BB doesn't hold our hand, but it takes our trust and respects it and doesn't break it (though it shakes the jar, like quite a bit, lol. All good stories should tbh).

I think a lot about the form, too. In a less capable storyteller's hands 12 one-hour-long episodes can drag (I'm thinking of some recent gmmtv BLs lol), or even not be enough (I feel like I personally see that in a lot of western shows whose fanbases are out here begging for second seasons to tie up loose ends). P'Aof (and co.) knew exactly what to do with 12 episodes. Has anyone in the entire history of TeleVision ever known what to do with 12 one-hour-long episodes as undeniably as P'Aof and co in making Bad Buddy??

I know I'm being a little dramatic, excessively lauding good writing like this. Like yeah stories should be good and thoughtful and make sense, of fucking course. But I just have to appreciate it in a genre, in a capitalist reality, where a story does not have to be profound or clever or full of love to be marketable. They truly did not have to go this hard. (Though the writer in me who now considers Aof a personal idol also thinks: yes of course they absolutely did have to go this hard in fact It Is The Only Way). I'm so so grateful for it for so many reasons!! And I didn't even breach the topic of how fun and sexy I think Pat and Pran are together. Didn't even mention the fingersucking, the scent kink, the kissies - all genuinely just as important to me as everything else. It's all in the making of a good story! I am taking notes through my tears and I am so thankful

#bad buddy #when you adapt the most adapted tragic love story ever and ‘knocked it out of the park’ is an understatement

[isfjmel-phleg]

Regarding the recent discussion of blaming unmarried women in their thirties for everything that's wrong with society--this is my specific, personal experience on the matter.

I am an unmarried Baptist woman in my early thirties. I have never dated, have never been interested in anyone (beyond a weird crush in college that was less an attraction and more me trying to convince myself I was normal), am not looking for anyone, and have no intention of getting married in the foreseeable future.

Churches, in my experience, have no idea what to do with someone like this. A single woman is already suspect enough but one who isn't pathetic and pining about it? Clearly one of those selfish feminists (which is of course the Worst Insult Of All for a woman, besides calling her a woman instead of a lady) who will never get to know what Real Love is. Oh, and the birth rate is going down alarmingly, and we all know whose fault that is. Don't worry, God has someone out there for you. You just haven't found the right one yet. We're praying for your future husband. A Nice Godly Young Man™. My mom proudly reminds me that she has never pressured me to marry but then tells me things like if I decide I don't want to get married, what if someone comes along and I miss my chance? Or she'll try to reassure me that marriage isn't terrible.

I don't think marriage is terrible. In fact, I take marriage very seriously. That's why I'm not married. It's a huge deal to put that kind of trust in someone and to do so permanently (ideally). There's a lot of risk. People can seem nice but turn out to be not what you thought they were (this happened to my best friend, who married a man who turned out to be a p*rn addict who had no interest in correcting this sin and saving their marriage), and then you--and your children, if you have any by then--can get badly, irretrievably hurt. I wouldn't want to marry anyone whom I wasn't absolutely convinced was worthy of my trust. And quite frankly, I haven't encountered any guy who fits that description.

...because as far as I can tell, my super-traditional denomination doesn't tend to always raise its boys well (exceptions do exist, but I'm generalizing from what I've seen). These Nice Godly Young Men™ often come with a lot of emotional immaturity. A lot of inability to connect with women--we act like men and women are such different creatures that they can never truly relate to each other or share interests and besides, you ladies shouldn't be friends with guys anyway because it inevitably leads to sexual interest--and yet somehow they expect us to meet and connect enough to marry! There's a lot of ego and macho posturing and expectation of being the head Supreme Dictator of the household. And I don't want that. I don't want to be stuck with a man who expects me to be less intelligent than him. I don't want a man who wants to be a sort of combination of father and boss and military commander whom I am obligated to sleep with. I don't want a man who would see me as just a means to an end.

Are there men of reasonably comparable beliefs to my own who aren't like this? Sure, probably. But I'm not going to hold my breath for one even if I were interested in a marital relationship.

I wouldn't want to get married just because it's expected. Or because I'm afraid of being alone. Or because I think it will make me a Real Adult. Or because I want babies (not older children or teenagers or eventual adults--just cute, cuddly babies). Or because some guy comes along who's Nice Enough so I might as well. Or because everyone else is doing it and I need to be in the Wife/Mom Club too. Or because I'm a woman so I Have To. It wouldn't be right. It wouldn't be fair to either me or the man I would marry to enter into something so binding, so serious, on such flimsy pretexts. I would much, much rather be married to no one at all--which really isn't a dreadful fate at all!--than married for the wrong reason and have to live with those regrets.

God, for his own purposes, has not given me a desire for marriage, and I fully accept this. If that changes, he will make it clear to me. If there's someone out there who is genuinely good and kind and mature and wants a Rebekah (not just A Wife--any Nice girl will do for that--but me specifically as a whole human being) and needs to be in my life, well, God can make that happen, I guess. But honestly, I don't need this mythical creature to be happy. I have a family. I have friends. It's taken a long time but I'm becoming better at believing my friends really love me. And that means a lot. I am loved. I have purpose. A different purpose from many others' but still worthwhile.

I do struggle a lot with feeling silently compared to the women around me who have done the Good Baptist Girl thing, and I do wish that people in churches treated single women with the same regard as married ones. But even though that's hard, that doesn't change anything about how God feels about us.

So this whole thing of blaming unmarried women in their thirties for everything that's wrong with society? It's not that these women are ungodly. It's that we have high standards, and our culture is at a place where we don't have to just take what we can get to survive anymore. It's not ungodly to take marriage seriously enough to not just settle but rather hold out for someone who can best model what God really expects a good husband to be--or else find meaning and value in the life of a single person, nonetheless much beloved by the most loving and trustworthy one of all.

#random personal stuff #back on my soapbox feel free to ignore #hopefully this makes sense? I have a hard time articulating what I mean when I feel strongly about something

[simnostalgia]

TW: Stalking, suicide, death, death threats, Zoophilia, Pedophilia, etc.

This is a long read. Sorry about that. I have lots of thoughts.

A Little Background for Those Not in the Know Regarding Sims "for profit" Modding Drama.

Okay, so I know I've already kind of talked about the implications of the new policy a little, but I haven't really talked about what I personally think about it. This seems like a good time though. I don't really expect many people to read this all the way through but honestly, I just wanted to say something about it.

As some of you know I was the old head of DHM (Dollhouse Mafia) and original founder. I stepped down a while ago because I was spreading myself too thin on personal projects and also, I didn't like the way things were going. I have nothing but good things to say about the current leadership, but it just personally wasn't worth it to me. ANYWAY, that being said, I wanted to put my thoughts about how the community has changed regarding its stance on pay content and how it used to be

So back in the days of TS2 PMBD acted as a receptacle for all pay custom content to be leaked. TSR, way back, was the biggest pay site in the community with several other smaller pay sites that specialized in hair or clothes. These sites generally had a specific style and very obviously made their own content. I couldn't tell you how much creators made but I know that other than TSR users it wasn't a huge amount.

So, The Sims team has pretty obviously always had a love/hate relationship with pay content. Even though it seems to have cooled they used to be VERY close to TSR. I know that they've always had a policy against pay content but it's never been enforced really. Like I said though, the only people who seemed to be making BIG money from non-passive income was TSR.

The reason that I bring this up is that I think the reason that things went so wrong isn't because of pay CC. I'm against pay CC and I always will be, we can talk about paying artists all we want but at the end of the day this is a hobby and if you're trying to use it as your main source of income you're in the wrong but I digress...

EA's Relationship with for profit CC

Fun fact, Patreon was actually started by the voice actor that played Teen/College aged men in TS2. I suspect that he got the idea from watching The Sims community try and set up their own personal online shopfronts and figured there was a way to do it better. I also suspect that many people who worked within The Sims Studio were pro-paysite because it created a demand that kept The Sims brand in people's minds. If people were making a living off of it then it was always being bought and you had people who basically HAD to buy it because that's how they made a living.

When talking about his new NFT (gross.) project Will Wright actually mentioned that one thing he didn't like was that piracy was taking place when Sims players were creating pay CC and others would pirate it. I suspect that the only reason they kept the policy they did was in case creators would make something that rivaled the studio in terms of quality (which according to Don Hopkins was an actual concern and part of the reason that EA's CC tools weren't super powerful, we couldn't create anything "too good")

Like anything to do with money, I think people who were mostly outsiders to the community realized that they could maximize profits through unsavory means such as flipping meshes quickly and reselling them from 3D modelling websites.

The problem is this created a flood of people who started using The Sims as their SOLE income and they began making good money too. Enough that they wouldn't easily be able to make that amount doing anything else without a serious career change.

Low Quality, Quick Profit, Unruly Community

So remember how EA decided they wanted to reach out and start the Game Changer program for the better by doing outreach to players by trying to interact with the community online. Then very recently they were like... trying to start a "sims social platform"? Yeah EA isn't really crazy about the fact that we're a self-sufficient community.

Most other gaming communities that have player made content tend to try and keep that player made content in an official store of some kind. Both so they can monetize it and use it as a selling point and also so they can control what can be done with it. Roblox is a GOOD example of how companies tend this sort of thing to play out. Communities that exploit creators and allow companies to control the player content, so everything aligns with the "brand".

Now, I'm just a person who REALLY likes The Sims and knows a lot about it so take it with a grain of salt but I suspect that EA is trying to find a way to keep us under better control. They've likely seen the messy fights that the patreon creators have been getting in. They've also definitely heard about the wide-spread availability of not just sex mods but sex mods that allow for pedophilia/zoophilia.

People can act like this has happened before in The Sims community but not like this. Before people were getting legal threats here and there and a few people were doing some bad stuff with the game but now we're talking doxxing, half of 4chan has started using The Sims as a sex playground, and people are making crazy money from it. EA was willing to overlook sex mods but I doubt they want a replay of the Jack Thompson case or to get the bad press that Habbo of Secondlife got for being bastions of pedophilia and perversion. It used to be that TSR was one company that made a lot of money and acted like a company acts to protect their business interests. However, now you have several HUNDRED people who were using The Sims as a get quick rich scheme and they were willing to attack community members to keep themselves living well. Not all of them, mind you, but it is an issue.

I suspect EA is worrying how this will look for the brand. It was okay when we were all creating a few mods and making pocket change from custom content. But now, because we've all been content creators we're getting better at it and it's causing problems (TM) for EA.

Both because their overlooking of pay content has backfired as it became more of a business AND because their players started becoming skilled enough to create things that both rivaled their own content and sullied their brand for outsiders and started attracting more and more unsavory types (cough cough ColonolNutty).

TL;DR: EA did this to themselves. They wanted the community to create for their games but didn't consider the outcomes of monetizing it. Now no matter what they do, some group will be mad at them. No matter what they do it's going to result in bad press... And you know what?

#Patreon drama #Patreon #Simblr #The Sims #The Sims 4 #Sims #TS4 #ColonolNutty #Colonol Nutty #WickedWhims #Wicked Whims #Roblox #Habbo Hotel #simblr drama #Sim Nostalgia #Simnostalgia #cowbuilt #Mack3030 #EA #Electronic Arts #Maxis #sex mod #Jack Thompson #Sims patreon #leosims #PMBD #Paysitesmustbedestoryed #pescado #This is EA's fault when you think about it

[catholic-character-tournament]

Round 3 - Catholic Character Tournament

Propaganda below ⬇️

Gabriel

Well he's an angel so I'm taking him being catholic as canon. There are a lot of themes in the game that point to catholisism specifically.

He's so fucking funny. he listens to nine inch nails and quotes one of the songs in a fight basically "fight me like an animal". he and v1 kind of have this yuri thing going on. he has an official bodypillow. hes a metaphor for being excommunicated and no one gets him like me and my friends do

The *true* Catholic experience is leaving the church and having a gay awakening, ask anyone

its debatable if Gabriel truly believes he's "the one true savior" or is mocking the idea of it

ok im actually gonna write some gabe propaganda bc despite what you may expect from a game called ULTRAKILL theres a lot to be said about his character and how catholicism is represented

Gabriel is a genuinely caring person who struggles to square his desire to help people with his duty as an archangel. He's the only one in Heaven trying to make things better for those in Hell, but his faith is used to manipulate him into committing atrocities against the people he used to protect (see the "TRAITOR" mural in 4-2)

he only realizes his mistakes after losing everything and being sentenced to death, but he still decides with only a little time remaining to try and make things right. for the sake of spoilers i will just say that the measures he takes are... extremely drastic and very enjoyable. i just really like the idea that even facing the end of all living things, no matter how steep your crimes, it is never too late to fix your mistakes. you are never unworthy forgiveness.

hes also SO FUCKING GAY for this dumb little robot. it mauled him so hard he tasted his own blood and he fell in love right there. theres no way this guy has a normal healthy relationship to pain he is soooooooooo fucked. i love him. please vote for Gabriel "patron saint of gay lapsed catholics" Ultrakill !!!!!!!!

Shadow

In sonic destruction (the AI generated fan thing snapcube made a while ago) shadow was catholic or something which I think is reallyyyyyyy funny

Ok listen. I know this is a stretch but hear me out. He says “oh my God” in the Twitter takeovers so we know this is a possibility. I see him as a Christ-like figure because I saw his whole confrontation with Mephiles and was like “this is a thing that happened in the Bible??” and the pose Mephiles shows him in is literally like a crucifixion and Mephiles is meant to be a demon / false prophet reference. And also he’s called a demon in Shadow The Hedgehog 2005 then the guy who calls him that is like “I was wrong I’m sorry” and that also reminds me of a thing with Jesus in The Bible. But the biggest reason is his whole thing with Maria cause I think he’d come to earth and hear Ave Maria once and convert to Catholicism idk he’s like we’re comforted by a female familial figure named Mary sometimes called Maria?? And her color is blue????? Heck yeah I’m in because I Will Cry. Also feel free to share this as propaganda obv even if he doesn’t get in the bracket just. It’s funny.

I feel like he’d battle a lot with being seen or portrayed as a demon and how the aliens he’s related to very much look and act like demons idk lmao- and also I feel like confession would just be good for him I think he needs it for his mental health

There is a debate on the lovely website tunblr that Shadow T. Hedgehog is an allegory for Jesus Christ.

He is Jesus, idk what to tell you. He lived, he was sealed away, he was awakened again and deemed the ultimate lifeforms, he’s angry but not evil, does what he believes is best for people and the world at any given time. Total loser.

#gabriel ultrakill #ultrakill #cct polls #tumblr tournament #tumblr bracket #tumblr polls #polls #r3 #shadow #shadow the hedgehog #sonic the hedgehog

[disaster-theysbian]

Because @morningsolitude has specifically requested it, here is the rest of the Useless Lesbian Story of how my partner and I got together.

Quick backstory, we'd been friends for a year or so before having a platonic cuddle at a party. Then we realised our feelings weren't very platonic at all, and proceeded to dance around the issue for the next two months because... well, useless lesbians.

It started with me popping round to use her printer. Then it was popping round for cups of tea. Cooking dinner together. That kind of thing. We had a movie night where we shared our Favourite Stupid Films from our childhood, and it ended with a Very Awkward Handshake (story here )

Anyway, the following night was a Christmas movie night with all of our friends, including her brother and brother-in-law. All of them were getting ready to knock our heads together. Whereas the night before we'd had a sort-of cuddle under a blanket, we were so conscious of people watching us that we were sitting bolt upright and not touching.

Then our phones start pinging. A few of our friends started posting cute animal cuddle gifs in the group chat. We were smoking at the ears by this point. I went to the loo and actually heard her voice from upstairs (she never shouts, ever) calling her brother in law a twat!

She gave me a lift home that night and it was excruciatingly awkward as ever. But we both knew something was there, and we both knew that neither of us were going to be brave enough to say it.

So I decided I didn't have to say anything at all.

That week was Christmas, so I made her a card. A silver elephant wearing a Santa hat on a dark forest green background, bordered with holly and ivy, holding a single sprig of mistletoe in its trunk.

She came round for a cup of tea before giving me a lift to our craft group's Christmas party. I gave her the envelope. And promptly hid behind a cushion as she opened it and read what was inside: "Shall we address the elephant in the room?"

The next thing I knew she gently took the cushion away from me and pulled me into the gentlest, warmest, most comforting hug I'd ever had. I let myself melt in her arms.

I had come to realise, and realised over and over during the first year of our relationship, that I'd never known love before I knew her. Attraction? Yes. Desire? Yes. Infatuation? Yes. Codepedency? Trauma bonding? An innate, unmet need for validation that was preyed upon by multiple people? Yep yep yep.

Before I confessed my feelings to her, I didn't really care if she didn't share them. I just loved being with her. I loved watching her smile and laugh, and infodump about her favourite things. I just wanted to be around her. And the way she made me feel.

She made me feel like I was worthy of care and respect, without me doing anything in particular or saying anything in particular, or liking the same things as her, or looking a certain way. This was something I'd rarely felt, not just with romantic partners but among friends and family. As friends, she never treated me like I was extra special, never said anything cheesy like "you're perfect just the way you are". But I felt special just being around her. Just sitting there having cups of tea or eating dinner, folding laundry, doing normal shit. I'm not the only person who feels this way around her. She is so well loved among our friends because she so quietly, innocuously, makes you feel like you matter, without love-bombing you or putting you on a pedestal. She doesn't even know she's doing it.

She has given me back so much of my faith in humanity, in kindness, in patience, and optimism. She has given me back my own self, that I hid under layers and layers of people-pleasing cultivated by 25 years of toxic environments.

On Valentine's day just gone, I asked her to be my wife.

And she said yes.

#wlw #harold they're lesbians #help im in love #le dollar bean #love #women loving women #healthy relationships #useless lesbians #useless lesbian #lesbian love story #healingjourney #healing from trauma #healing from abuse #saphhic #sapphism #disaster lesbian #queer romance #queer love #sapphic romance #sapphic love #sapphic longing #queer stories #queer story #queer #lesbians #lesbians be like #lesbian problems #lessbeans #i love my girl so much #i love her

[kurokmask]

now that we are on Link topic. do you have any other hcs that you've not included in the fanfic? like extra info and stuff?

sorry for the late answer, college blah blah blah

there's lots that haven't made it in explicitly, but they're all still swimming in my head when im writing him. this is gonna be disorganized, sorry!

Link likes being told what to do. secretly he likes having other ppl’s expectations on him bc it gives him security, so he doesn't have to think about who he is

not Link, but every version of OoT Zelda I write is transmasc, whether thats something Zelda is truly aware of or not.

again not Link but Cremia was supposed to have a hot Gerudo pirate gf 💔 sorry girl

I kind of regret not doing more with the Ocarina of Time, and time travel in general. Like, towards the end, Link would definitely try to use it, right? I think I'm going to do a major overhaul of the Termina arc soon.

Link can cannot write more than his name.

Link was originally going to be very open about his past adventures. But i decided bottling everything up and feeling ashamed about it and letting it fester like a rotting wound would be sadder :)

sexuality was going to be a concept i explored in the fic. ultimately i wanted to keep it a T rating so i didn't do this, but. it was definitely a thing! cut things include lotsssss of Sheik baggage, boyish feelings about Kafei, weird fierce deity sex dreams and um. remember Javert?

Javert and Link wereeee... supposed to fuck! I even wrote a before and after scene LOLLL. Javert was going to play a more important role in general, being a semi-reoccurring character. He was planned to be Link's kind of """only friend""" in Castletown. Link was drawn to him because of how much older and experienced he was, and Javert took pity on Link, both in a sort of genuine but also kind of overbearing way. ultimately Link got annoyed by him pretty quickly and once he started to get to know Malon he basically ghosted him. another example of how Link struggles to balance relationships, especially those who really care for him. obviously i. didn't go further with this. but it was planned for about a year before I scrapped it. But i hope you reread their scene together to pick up on some vibes.....

since im already being disgusting um. bottom. praise kink. but he never really finds this out. how sad.

when i was first conceptualizing his character, i was actually going to write link as bipolar. I ended up writing him more adhd/autism as thats closer to my own personal experience. but its still in the back of my mind, and it definitely manifests more as he gets older. but this man has so much going on please project anything you want on him and its real he has it

OoT Link is the only Link i hc as cis bc only a cis man would fumble the bag THIS bad. put those tights on boy

i have a weird hyper-specific modern au where he's living in 1998 germany with his little brother (whos just young link). they play ddr together, he goes to acid techno raves, and dresses like this

again, in a modern au, Link would be a total audiophile. his favorite musicians would be Kate Bush, Fiona Apple, Talking Heads, the Prodigy, Devo, the Mountain Goats, Modest Mouse, Nirvana, Radiohead, Nine Inch Nails, Bjork, the Magnetic Fields-- ok ill stop

if he was an Animal Crossing villager he'd be a gold wolf with the Jock personality

that's all i can think of right now, I'm sure more will come to me and I'll write them here. thanks for the ask, thanks so much for the interest!!!!!

#ocarina of time #zelda headcanon #hero of time #god bless #sorry my mind was in the gutter for some of these LMFAO but like. this is crucial info thats cannot be included otherwise!!!! #if anyone wants me to finish/publish the Sodomy Fic as my beta-reader lovingly calls it uh. let me know