#its february. u can see how well that went
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I’VE NEVER WANTED TO PUNCH SOMEONE IN THE SKULL MORE-
but I wanna punch u in like a loving way ya know 🥹🥺🙈🙊🙉😭
i-
ok i didnt have time to talk abt last chapter, but honestly all u have to know is that i loved every single word, every punctuation mark, every period, every space-
omg this chapter was wild i cant-
yoongi and y/n, I’ve never met a couple whose good and bad at communication at the same time i cant- no cause like him writing a song for her bc of her, when he played it i imaged Butterfly for some reason, the melody is so beautiful on the piano 🥺🥹 omg not him with his shirt off at the b-ball court. He rlly flexing huh, yeah sure ur too HOT 🥵 omg she got a vision, LIKE HER MOM! Will this be a reoccurring theme with her? Oooo. OMG THAT FIRST KISS WAS SO SWEET WHEN IT SORT OF CAME FULL CIRCLE WITH YOONGI ASKING HER TO KISS HIM! AND THEN HIM ASKING FOR MORE OMG ITS SO HOT WTF I KNOW I SHOULDNT BE THIS HORNY YET BUT UR WRITING IS JUST 🤌🏼 💋 THEY ARE IN LOOOOVE FR LIKE WE KNEW THEY BOTH HEAD OVER HEELS, SO HEAD OVER HEELS THEY COULDNT GET SLEEP FOR WEEKS/DAYS~ OH MAN SECRET RELATIONSHIP YEAH WELL-
omg wtf yeah secret relationship went down the drain lol. Either hobi’s hearing is super good and he’s near the room or everyone heard y/n fucking whining into yoongis mouth dam. Or he saw that quick kiss in her room omg ur cliffhangers dana drive me INSANE! Hobi is such a tease too! Now him teasing her for her heart palpitations poor girl cant handle all the handsome men around her like same girlie pop-I do wonder how this will effect the hybrids dynamics with each other and her 🤔
omg jinnies b day he deserves the world. Not him feeding her, he KNEW what he was doing and in FRONT of everyone too 😏 him warming up her hands with his breath i cant- and then going to take cooking class in February. HIM SAYING HE DOESNT WANT TO GO WITH ANYONE ELSE BUT HERRRR 😭 him saying lets go home bc home is smth he never truly haddd and he feels safe mow eeek😭😭😭😭
Omg not tae driving the way home- KNOWING THE WAY HOOOME. No cause like you can tell they probably all know the way home by heart bc they cherish her and the house sm its means so much to them i cant i actually had to stop reading after that line bc i got so emotional. Omg tae is taking his photography seriously 🥰 im so glad hes really delving into his passion! Omg their ID’s lol they must be so cute and funny 😆
ofc jimin is a responsible cutie we love, cant wait to see more scenes with him later~ but him saying y/n looks good in any photo ✋ stop sir u are such a charmer i cant- eeeeeek
omg joonie so cute. He cares for her sm and he’s the type of person to not beat around the bush. He cares and wants her to be straightforward when shes upset 😭 eeeek
omg the scene with jk- i LOVE BANTER SM and their scenes always crack me up. Jk’s dialogue is so fun! No not her giving the puppy dog eyes 🥺 and it not working… or maybe it did 😏 omg and her being bold with that KISS ON THE CHEEK- i was imagining jk when he gets surprised or zones out 😲 its so funny 😂 omg y/n has W Rizz for sure~
omg ben already predicted this my mans was just waiting for her to catch up- its so good to see him again I love y/n’s friends. Him lifting her up but also humoring her is SO what i would do if my friend was in a similar situation! Like Y/N GIRLIE POP I ARE THE IT GIRL U GOT NOTHIN TO WORRY ABT!
THANK YOU SM FOR THIS UPDATE I LOVE U SM DANA!!!!! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!! Remember, make sure to take care of urself first and foremost! 😤 Love you byeeee~
FDJSKAFHDSAF I GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO PUNCH MY SKULL LMAO!! I'm so so happy that you loved the last two chapters, there was SO much that went down, I can't wait to chat about them hehehe 💜
SO fhdjsaf you're right on the money with Yoongi and MC not knowing how to communicate with each other for SHIT. Like I think they rely on telepathy or vibes too much, neither of them are mind readers... so much of their conflict these past two chapters could have been resolved if they just sat down and talked calmly about things for an hour or so!!! 💀BUT stop it right now Butterfly is one of my favorite BTS songs, so so gorgeous on the piano, and I could imagine a very similar melody that Yoongi would write for MC being something like that too. 🦋
HNNNNGGGFF Yoongi all sweaty on the court without his shirt.... damp long hair....teasing MC the whole way UGH I just know that I'd be drooling! 🥵And with that vision WHEW I'm so happy I could incorporate that into MC's character finally, I will say that this is something that will begin to happen more frequently for MC-- ever since she has been diving more into her spirituality and practices, her psychic abilities have been getting stronger.
The kiss. THE KISS!!! I'VE BEEN DYING TO WRITE SOME ROMANCE FOREVER NOW MY GOODNESS IT TOOK 13 CHAPTERS!! I just feel like Yoongi is such a 0 to 100 kind of guy when it comes to kisses, sweet and tender to begin with, then BAM super passionate and intense. I really really loved writing that scene, I'd say that Yoongi was truly desperate and yearning for MC for so long that he couldn't help but beg for more hnnnnngggg. But now they have to tip toe around for a little bit until they figure out how to tell the others, which turns into MORE yearning and AH I wanna chew on my drywall!!!! 👹
djkafdakfdask I'm excited to continue off where we left off! You know I always gotta leave you all on a cliffhanger. I wonder how MC is going to dodge Hoseok's questioning, and we don't know if he heard those two making out (he shouldn't have been able to, the music room is soundproofed...) or was perceptive to how weird MC and Yoongi were being with each other. I also feel like if Hoseok heard them, some of the others would as well, and I can think of a few (Namjoon, Tae, Seokjin for ex.) that would probably bust down that door!!! But also your theory of Hoseok possibly catching their kiss in the hallway is something that could have happened eeeee. Also I love teasing Hoseok as well he raises my blood pressure... poor MC can't even hide her heartrate from them!
UGH Jinnie's birthday he's such a sweet darling, I love that he was able to go out somewhere yummy to eat and spend time with everyone. I also really love when he feeds MC... it's so hot to me idk why like yes PLS grab my face and stare at me and treat me like a princess Jin!!! Always making sure she's warm, wanting to go to the cooking class with just her, and feeling truly at home with her and in their house I CAN'T He's just such a love. 😍
Tae baby... just like Jin, he knows where home is now and AH they're just all getting so close. You're so right, they really cherish her so so much. Tae and his photography too is so fun to write about, it's nice that he gets to express himself creatively and the other hybrids let him take their ID pictures was a sweet hidden moment that I'm happy you noticed!
Definitely more Jimin on the way!! It's been the Yoongi show for a bit, but that's just how I've planned these few chapters. Don't worry, each of them will get their turns to be the stars, which I'm super excited about in the future! Charmer Libra Jimin is my Roman Empire, totally more of a flirt and a romantic as time goes on. Joon UGH!! My little wolf, he's warmed up so much to MC, and he's very straightforward and stern like you said-- ever since the Incident, he seems to be very concerned about weather or not MC is feeling upset.
HA I love writing MC and Jeongguk's interactions, they're both such little shits and you can tell when they get on each other's nerves, but it's less antagonistic these days and more playful. He totally called her out for pouting, and while it might work for some of the others, it doesn't on him LOL. But she got him back with that kiss, huh? I bet she's been dying to do that for months...
I'm PSYCHED you mentioned Ben. He's my favorite side character to write, and it's nice that MC is able to confide in him about any of her worries. You're right, he totally caught onto her having crushes on all of them (it's probably dead obvious to him) But ahh it makes me so happy that you love him as well!! I agree, I'd probably act the same way towards MC if I were Ben-- teasing her but trying to encourage as well. 🫣
FDJAKSFH THANK YOU FOR READING AND SENDING ME SO MANY LOVELY COMMENTS!!! As always I look forward to what you have to say about updates, and I love you sm as well! Hope you had lovely holidays and a fun new year my sweets! 😘💜
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ita officially been like 2 weeks since i visited your blog which is crqzy to me because used to be here every day and send in a message at least once a week idkw happened to me star 😭😭
i feel like i feel better than i was before but im still like really just mentally tired in way where i cant really bring myself to do anything 😞😞 its ok though i feel like im getting better!!
hru star?? how was valentines? i miss talking to you and sending you little asks patiently waiting for you to reply being all excited abt it like a little kid waiting to open their christmas gifts the night before 😭
my valentines went okay! my friends got me flowers and i got chocolate for them in return (⇀‸↼‶)⊃━☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟits officially been over a year since i last dated anyone since i broke up w my last ex a few days before february started in 2023
i feel like ive just been avoiding dating or relationships in general cs my past experiences just turned out pretty shitty and i dont think i really see a point in it anymore
i think its working out pretty well for me though cs i actually ended up getting a lot better and a lot less insecure and stressed, etc afterwards 🥳🥳
excuse my little rant but sending lots of luv even though i havent been here on a while!! luv u sm <3
~《☘》
HI BABYYYY I MISSED YOU !!
I feel like so many of us have just been going THRU it lately ☹️ it’s been a tiring 2 months for sure but I feel like I’m finally starting to be where I need to be and I’m finding inspiration as we get closer to spring! I’m so sorry to hear you’ve been in a bit of a slump, but also don’t apologize for being absent! I’m always here if you need me, go take care of yourself whenever you need to and know that I’m rooting for you all the while 🫶
I’m doing GOOD !! I’m still super busy with work and my best friend is getting married in like 8? Days?? Which is CRAZY to me bc how is February almost over 😧 I’m also turning 25 in like 2 weeks or something and I am terrified BUT I am almost done writing this book and I’m still aiming to get it out before February is over (hopefully the weekend of my friend’s wedding so yall can be entertained while I’m gone all weekend👼) and I just feel so INSPIRED !! My Valentine’s was good too, nothing special because I remain sworn off dating entirely but I was very busy at work so I live vicariously through my coworkers and their love lives 💓🫶 I also totally get the notion of feeling like you’re growing when you’re not in relationships, since focusing on myself I’ve been so much more successful in every sense of the word and I have zero distractions so I can sit around and write poetry about skz all day long. It’s great 🤸♀️ but also please know that if you ever do decide to put yourself back out there again, you deserve to be with somebody who will make you feel loved and appreciated the way you deserve!
Sending you so much love my lovely clover, I’m always here for you 💕💗🩷👼💖💓🎀 I LOVE YOUUU
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05 || target in february
series ; in love with love (with you)
description ; you’re a romantic. jungkook? jungkook is not.
chapter 05 ; target in february
prev || next
word count ; 2.9k
tags ; it starts off good but then we get baby angst, jungkook says some mean things but it’s not on purpose, pls go to main masterlist for more / general tags
(p.s. i was going to release this tomorrow but.. happy birthday 🖤 anon, i hope u have a good one. thank u for always dropping into my inbox to ask about my day and make sure i’m doing okay 💕)
“how many advils can someone take before it’s detrimental to their health?”
jaehyun opens his mouth but only air escapes him when he sees the state you’re in. he grimaces a little. “whatever it says on the bottle?” he doesn’t say it so much as he asks.
“six,” jungkook stretches an arm past jaehyun to set a cup down on your desk. “in 24 hours. but i think you just have a sugar addiction that needs to be fed right about now.” he tilts his chin toward the cup.
you squint at him. “you get the wrong order for jaehyun again?”
jaehyun frowns. “when-”
jungkook kicks him in the shin and jaehyun chokes a little, but you don’t notice because jungkook is talking over jaehyun’s pain, saying, “it’s presentation day for you, isn’t it?”
“it is,” you wrap your hands around the cup, decidedly not questioning jungkook’s generosity. you have bigger things to worry about. “in two hours.”
“i’ll be there too,” jungkook says. he means it reassuringly, and for some reason, it works. you glance up at him and he smiles, a small, soft one - not the cheeky one he always gives you, just a gentle curl of his lips, warm brown eyes promising he’ll support you.
your heart fumbles in your chest at the sight. the fact that jungkook has any kind of pull on your heart has you going into full mentally avoidant lockdown mode, mind quickly flipping through flash cards of excuses to find the fastest way to get rid of jungkook and think of literally anything else instead.
“well,” you turn back to your computer. “i should prepare for the presentation. see y’all in two hours.” your voice is a clear indication that they should get the fuck out of your cubicle, and both jungkook and jaehyun take the hint to leave, good luck wishes murmured as they depart.
you slump in your seat as soon as they’re out of sight. your fingers tap with nervous energy against your desk, eyes falling onto the cup of hot chocolate jungkook had brought you.
it was thoughtful of him to bring it to you. especially on the day you need to make your presentation, knowing it’d bring you some comfort. you bicker so often with jungkook that you forget that he can be extraordinarily attentive when he wants to, remembering the little things and carrying through when it matters most.
your finger idly traces the logo to the shop he’d bought the hot chocolate from. it’s from a place a little further down than the usual cafe the people in your office tend to visit, meaning jungkook went out of his way just to get it for you because he knows you like that one better.
nope. no. you’re not traveling down that train of thought, because it’s dangerous and jungkook has been a general nuisance in your life for forever, and that is how you plan on keeping it, sweet gestures be damned.
except now your thoughts are floating in the opposite direction, wondering who it was jungkook had dinner with the night that he usually spends with you. you scold yourself for the bitter feeling that sneaks its way in, how terribly nosy you feel for wanting to know who was so important that jungkook - who’s never missed a thursday dinner with you since he started it, not unless he was out sick - would ditch you on a night that has, somehow, become yours and his.
you sigh, one hand reaching up, about to run your hand through your hair before you forcibly lower it back to the table so you don’t mess up your hair before your big presentation.
this is stupid. it’s just one night, and jungkook has never been obligated to spend it with you, he just does because you’re friends and that’s what friends do.
your eyes land on the hot chocolate again. your lips twist, ultimately turning into a tiny smile. jungkook might have the meeting invite sitting in his inbox but you know from the sincere look on his face and the cup on your table that it was never about the meeting reminders in his calendar. he brought the drink two hours before your meeting just to reassure you; remembered to swing by the better cafe just for you.
it makes it hard to feel too left out when jungkook has always made a point to remind you that he thinks of you when it counts the most.
.
.
.
you’re fuming. jungkook can tell, because while your smile is polite, your eyes are sharp, dark. director lee has a wide grin plastered across his face that jungkook can tell you’d love to slap right off.
but you’ve never been the type to make a commotion. you won’t speak up, even though you presented the entire deck only to have director lee swipe all your achievements from under you in the very last minute, thanking you only for presenting the data while snatching the work’s credit for himself.
even your juniors are in disbelief. one looks like they’ll speak up but your eyes snap to them and jungkook can see the way the analyst metaphorically sits back down immediately. do not disrupt this meeting; you will get your ass handed right back to you by management. they’re happy with the project. that’s good enough.
it’s not. it’s not enough. not for jungkook.
“any questions?” you smile sweetly when director lee is done. for someone who so frequently has her heart on her sleeve, you do an impeccable job of hiding the way you want to hurl director lee out the closest window.
jungkook raises his hand.
your eyes flit to him. you hold a silent conversation for less than three seconds - you demanding that he put his hand back down; jungkook defiantly keeping it held up.
“yes, jungkook?”
if he wasn’t trying to have your back right now, he’d snicker at the underlying hiss in your tone that only years of friendship could detect.
jungkook lowers his hand. he straightens in his seat, arms folding across the table. “i don’t have a question, per say,” he starts, and he can feel your irritation rise. “but, i just wanted to point out and say thank you for the collaboration between our teams. it was a group effort but i think we can all agree that you spearheaded the program and handled every road bump with nuance and grace. the overtime you did to make sure everything was in order has not gone unnoticed from our end so i hope our directors with us today can recognize that too. so thank you, y/n.”
you blink at him. he stares pointedly back and you kick back into gear, nodding and murmuring your thank you’s back, a standard corporate spiel about being grateful for working together with a good team. when you sit back down for the next team to continue presenting their end of the project, your eyes glance up to meet jungkook’s from across the table.
he smiles. you smile back.
it’s enough.
.
.
.
“you’re not serious,” jisoo gapes at you as you retell the story with animated hand gestures. jungkook can practically see the steam coming out of your ears now that you’re no longer at work, free to shit-talk all you want. your vacation hours are finally kicking in - starting from today, you officially have two weeks to just relax.
starting with ragging on your sad excuse of a director.
you’re all at yoongi’s place this time, crowded into his apartment. jimin is passed out on the couch in spite of how loud you’re being, taehyung and jisoo being your willing listeners, cursing out your director with you.
jungkook stares fondly from the kitchen. yoongi and jin are helping to get drinks, an assortment of snacks laid out on the kitchen counter. jungkook is supposed to be helping too but he’s too busy watching you pout at jisoo so she’ll coo and squish your cheeks, telling you that you did a good job and you’ve worked hard.
yoongi is placing the mugs on a tray, grabbing a can of whipped cream and shaking it. “oh-” jungkook stops him with a hand on his arm, yoongi glancing over in confusion.
jungkook grabs a handful of mini marshmallows out of the bag jin left on the counter. he sprinkles them into the mug of hot chocolate yoongi had made for you, then pats his hands off on his jeans.
yoongi stares at him.
“what?” jungkook shrugs. “she likes it.”
a corner of yoongi’s lips twitch upwards into a smirk, but it’s gone as quickly as it appears. “sure,” yoongi says agreeably. he finishes off various toppings on the others’ drinks, hauling the tray up to carry it out into the living room. hoseok emerges from the bathroom and goes to help, jin moving to stand beside jungkook in the kitchen, watching their group of friends as you all receive your drinks.
jin eyes jungkook with amusement at the way jungkook grins when you light up, seeing the mini marshmallows decorating your hot chocolate. you beam so brightly at yoongi, so easily excited by something as simple as a winter drink.
jungkook exits the kitchen to settle into the spot next to you on the ground, holding his own cup. “mini marshmallows,” you tip the cup towards him slightly, eyes crinkling happily in the corners. “just how i like it. yoongi always remembers the little things.”
just like that, jungkook’s smile drops. but your attention is already elsewhere, stolen by jimin who is waking up on the couch.
he doesn’t know why it bothers him. and because he doesn’t know why, he also can’t bring himself to correct you - that it’s not yoongi who remembered, it’s him. it’s not yoongi that knows the little things about you, it’s him. it’s not yoongi that’s next to you, it’s him. the feeling sits uncomfortably in his chest, eyebrows pinching together as he frowns.
jisoo spots him and beckons him over, jungkook scooting across the hardwood to sit near her. “something wrong, kookie?” she asks, but there’s too much of a knowing look on her face. his frown deepens.
“there’s nothing wrong,” he mumbles but he sounds like a child whose favorite toy got taken away and jisoo has to bite her lip to keep from laughing.
“it’s okay to be jealous, you know,” she means it sincerely, even if there is the slightest teasing tone to it.
“i’m not jealous,” jungkook says defensively, even as he’s glancing over his shoulder to find you still seated on the ground but with your arms crossed on the couch as you lean forward and prop your head on your arms to talk to a still sleepy jimin. a twinge runs through him when jimin pats your head.
“i’m not,” jungkook repeats, even though jisoo had said nothing in return. jisoo hums noncommittally.
before jungkook can dig himself a deeper hole, hoseok is clapping in a kindergarten pattern. instinctively everyone stops talking, taehyung repeating the claps and earning him a snicker from jimin. “yoongi has news,” hoseok says proudly when he has everyone’s attention. yoongi clears his throat, looking embarrassed.
“i… have a date to this year’s gala,” he says, eyes slowly lifting to glance around the room for your reactions.
it’s chaos instantly. jimin is scrambling off the couch to tackle yoongi for information, yoongi complaining loudly at the bombardment. but jungkook’s not looking at jimin or yoongi, he’s looking at you.
jungkook always thought your crush on yoongi was just that: a crush. starry-eyed, silly, nothing substantial. puppy love, at most. he figured it was always about the fantasy of it all more than anything else - your brother’s best friend, a cute story that spanned over a decade of your life.
but maybe there was a part of him that didn’t want to believe it. you couldn’t actually be in love - right? he’d seen you in love before. he’d seen the boys you carefully lent your heart out to - even watched them shatter it, feeling like his hands were tied every time, unable to help you. because you loved love, and they never did. love you, or love.
yoongi was only supposed to be a pipe dream. a representation of all the movies you watched, the books you read, the shows you’ve seen. a dream - not the reality.
so why did you freeze?
why did your eyes widen just a millimeter?
why did you force a smile on your face, holler out congratulations with the rest of your friends, then quietly excuse yourself, disappearing in the midst of all the excitement?
jungkook has known you for over a decade. might even know you better than most of your other friends - you’re the same age, went to the same college, work in the same office. he’s been with you every step of the way. so he knows that you’re the kind to light up at the idea of a new relationship in the friend group. seeing your friends happy - it beat out every rom-com you ever watched, every happy ending to every drama you’d ever cried over. it didn’t matter if your friends were in relationships or not - you bounced around at every accomplishment, excited for every move your friends made that took them a step closer to what they wanted.
yoongi looked happy. so why weren’t you?
.
.
.
the gathering ends with loud choruses of goodbyes as you all leave yoongi’s apartment. yoongi looks tired but happy, pleased by the supportive reactions his friends gave to the announcement of his not-anymore-secret girlfriend. when you say good night to him, yoongi smiles gently down at you, ruffling your hair.
“thanks for always rooting for romance, kid,” he says, for only you to hear, but jungkook catches it as he stands waiting outside yoongi’s doorway for you. “i don’t think you realize how much it helps when the people around you refuse to stop believing in love, in whichever form it takes.”
it’s supposed to be comforting, but jungkook can tell from the way your smile doesn’t reach your eyes that you don’t know that. his heart aches at the sight. it’s not yoongi’s fault, he knows, that your feelings aren’t reciprocated. yoongi’s done everything short of embarrassing you by saying out loud that he doesn’t see you as anything but a little sister to show you that he doesn’t return your feelings. he’s always drawn the line firm and bold between you and him, even had girlfriends before, but today is the first time jungkook’s ever seen it affect you the way it did.
he steps into view then, yoongi’s eyes shifting to meet his. you don’t even look at jungkook when you turn to leave, trudging away. yoongi sighs quietly. “get her home safe, kook,” he says simply, and jungkook nods in return, slowly.
it doesn’t take long for jungkook to catch up to you. the subway ride back is silent. you hop off the train in silence too, hands tucked into your pockets, shoulders a little hunched. jungkook follows after you, hesitant, as he falls into step beside you. he wishes he could tell what was going on in your mind.
“i didn’t know you actually liked him,” jungkook finally says, quietly, breaking the silence.
you whip your head to look at him so fast you’re surprised you don’t injure yourself. “of course i fucking liked him, jungkook, what the fuck did you think i meant when i said it all those times and made it so stupidly obvious?”
jungkook sputters at the fierce reaction, waving his hands around in jerky, awkward movements. “i don’t know, i just - i thought you were just being you! a romantic! the inside of your brain is probably identical to a target in february at all times so i just - i mean, y/n, we all knew he doesn’t even like you!”
he throws his hands up in exasperation. doesn’t realize that he should stop talking, stop talking now, but - “he doesn’t even care! he doesn’t give a shit about - oh, fuck,” jungkook curses when he sees the tears rise to your eyes, and he quickly starts babbling, desperately backtracking. “i didn’t mean it like that. fuck, wait - y/n, that’s not what i -”
jungkook exhales heavily, scrubbing his hand across his face. “fuck. please, don’t cry. i didn’t mean to make you cry.” he holds your shoulders gently, hands moving slowly to cradle your face. “i didn’t mean it like that. he does care about you, y/n. but not like you do. not the way you want him to.” his voice is soft, softer than you’ve ever heard jungkook speak before.
yet somehow, the words he says feel like the worst things he’s ever spoken to you.
the tears slip from your eyes, and jungkook’s shoulder deflate. he looks defeated, thumbs coming to wipe away your tears gently. jungkook doesn’t know what to do with girls like you. girls who feel too much, who cry so easily, who love so fiercely. he doesn’t know how to handle all of your emotions, not when they sit heavy in his chest, to see you crying over someone who doesn’t love you, yet again. he can’t bear to watch you stare at him with your hurt feelings refracting in your eyes, so he swallows hard and pulls you in close, smoothing his palm across your back. he tucks your head under his chin, closing his eyes when your hands curl around his coat, clinging to him.
“i’m sorry,” he murmurs. “i’m sorry, y/n.”
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taglist ; @ahundredtimesover @nadzzzblog @apollukee @codeinebelle @yoongimentita7
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08.03.2024
sooo its been forever since i did a blog post omg
february seemed to go by too fast. i spent most of the month trying to revise for the mock exams i've had over the past two weeks. my last one was today! i feel like the only one that went well was psychology. i kept running out of time in both of my sociology papers which is kinda weird for me because i've never had that problem before. maths went kinda ok, but im not looking forward to getting the results back hahaha
i've been going out more often recently. me and my bestie got matching tattoos on valentines day which was super fun! we've gone out for drinks a few times which was nice as well :) we're supposed to be going out tomorrow for drinks with another friend who recently turned 18, but her id might not arrive in time - hopefully it does though!
i've been getting increasingly annoyed at a classmate recently. she's nice and all but she almost always dominates conversations and talks about herself and her life frequently. it's fine but when it's constant it gets a bit annoying. she keeps talking during lessons when im trying to pay attention and it's really distracting. im not sure how to talk to her about it though. she can get a bit argumentative sometimes and im not the best at voicing myself in situations like that. i don't know. maybe im overthinking it.
at the moment im mostly glad that exams are done for now. it's kinda scary that the next ones will be the real ones though! its like less than 80 days now - i think my first paper is on the 17th may?? something like that. mine are quite spread out, which is both nice (more revision time) and annoying (loads of my friends finish before me). at least im going on holiday after!! i still need to start booking hostels and stuff - oops
see u laterr
-🍋
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hi sunbaenim! am back to tell u everything in detail bc i sent the last asks when i was sleep drunk right b4 goinf to bed. here it goes:
1. my roomie and one of the best friends i have since we moved in together last year due to college dated a guy for ~3 years until february when he broke up w her (important info: he goes to the same uni we do, started studying here bc of her influence. i knew him and we had a somewhat strong friendship, we used to talk a lot ab our insecurities and all. he said he adored me all the time). she got extremely sad bc she loved him a lot and even thought she'd marry him at some point. it was v difficult for me seing her so down. in march, we were talking and she asked me what my thoughts were ab some situations that happened between them when they dated and with what i said she realized she was abused. she went to talk w him ab this and at first he seemed sorry and all. but last month a friend of ours told us this guy tried to justify his abuse with something ridiculous and disgustimg im not even mentioning here AND ALSO SAID I WAS THE ONE WHO "PUT IDEAS" IN MY ROOMIE'S HEAD??????? i turned into the ex' crazy friend so he wouldnt be the one to blame, u know? then my roomie had to talk to him in private some days after we discovered that and she had to call me to "rescue" her bc he was saying the most violent things to her... i got there and i started to reply the whole MENINIST NONSENSE he was saying to her and to me at that point and in the end we said we didnt want any type of contact w him. me and my roomie got v emotionally unstable due to all of this, but now shes finally free and we're already better.
2. my roomie went for a trip and accidentally got bugs in the luggage she's taken to that trip so our apartament got infestated w them when she came back :D we had to fumigate (is this the right word) it all last week, spent a night out so the substances wouldnt poison us and in the next day spent 6/7 hours cleaning and putting all back in place. it was hell.
2.5 i kinda got a could the following day after we cleaned it all and i absolutely hate to be sick. :D
3. 2 days after having our apartment bug free, there was a fire in our building? and its very windy were we live so the fire could spread fast. roomie was in uni but i was at home and i had to be through the entire fire bc the smoke could get me sick (even more, bc i had a cold, remember?) if i tried to get out of here. fortunately it all went well, but we had no electricity until 8pm, and the fire started around 2pm.
tea spilled. thats has been my life happenings for the last 2 months. im putting my life together again now even though it has been looking like a sitcom ou smth... pls somebody tell god im not his strongest soldier i cant handle being tested anymore
-hoobae anon
HELLO!! IM ALREADY CRYING 😭😭
1. oH HE DID NOT?????? OH MY GOD FBWKDHWK HE IS SO???? not the menist oh lord 😭😭😭 HOW DID UR FRIEND EVEN LIKE HIM FHWJDHWK IM SO GLAD U SHUT HIM DOWN OH I CAN JUST IMAGE IT ANON 🫡🫡🫡🫡 ok but like the communication between u and ur friend??? top tier everyone need a friend like u
justify. abuse. electric chair.
2. STOP THIS IS A NIGHTMARE PLS WHAT THE FUCK I WISH U WOULD SEE MT FACE RN FBWNDJQK OH THIS NASTY 😭😭😭
3. fight, bugs and now fire. anon, idk the right terms but i know u gotta cleanse or sage yourself bECAUSE HELLO????? NAAAHHHH THE EVIL EYE GOT U, U GOTTA DO SOME JUJU
tea spilled, i screamed, no ur right this is like a sitcom like i can imagine the laugh tracks after u find yourself in a situation 😭😭😭 crying this is so chaotic but i guess it’s a story to tell in the future!!! im glad ur safe i hope the concert will be good tooo!!!!!
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umm, hello guys, long time no see.
If it feels like I've been at best absent from here and at worst straight up gone, it's because I've pretty much been those things. I'd like to throw a ready excuse and say 'school's hard, I haven'ts had the time' but althought that's also true, a lot more has happened to me other than just that.
Well, to say it shortly, fandom life has felt like it has run its course for me. I have lost contact with everything that made it feel like a safe community for me. And that comes from several reasons.
Beggining last year, around february, I kinda had a rough patch. I'm sure if you absentmindely followed my #luiza talks posts you'd see that I was kinda (?) involved with a guy that was very much NOT the person for me. He pushed me to do uncomfortable things, say uncomfortable things, and told me very untrue perceptions about myself that wrcked my self-esteem and peace of mind for basically 6 months (which may seem like a short time in the grand scale of things, but while I was going through it, it was the most terrible time of my life, and my life has not been easy). We were never official, and while I can recognize that he may have helped me in some aspects, he definitely destroyed others.
During that same time last year, I was going back for my first in person semester at my uni since 2019. The pandemic was a hard time, but going back to uni after spending 2 years studying at home was much harder than anticipated. I'm an applied physics major, the sciences are usually fields where big egos come to play. I didn't have any luck and I got 2 of the biggest and most assholish egos to teach me for that first semester. I wasn't nowhere near ready for that reality, and I found myself going down a rabbit hole of so much anxiety, there were days I couldn't step foot in the classroom without feeling like the walls were closing in on me. It was bad. JUst straight up bad.
All in all not a good time.
I was feeling disconnected from everything. I burried myself in the only thing that brought me some modicum joy which was, surprinsingly, VALORANT. I felt alone, truly and deeply alone. While that was not a novelty for me, it was so intense, and I felt like no one would truly understand what I was going through. I didn't know how to talk to my friends about it without sounding like I was just some complaining baby, I didn't know how not to find fault at behaviors that I didn't agree with, I didn't know how to deal with anything that wasn't what I thought was right and comfortable for me.
After a particularly bad night (that I woke up crying and didn't stop until my mom urst into my room and took me to her bed to help me calm me down), I went to see a psychiatrist. I got lucky that the first doctor I went to see was the one who truly understood what was going on. She medicated me, and slowly my anxiety subsided. I can say today I'm like 1000000% better. I haven't had an anxiety attack in months. Who would have thought that drugs would be the answer?
The doctor also said: "You know, you say you can't pay attention properly in class, you have rituals and such. I need you to do some neuropsychological tests, okay? Because you could have, adhd, ocd or aed." (AED: autism spectrum disorder).
Hearing from the doctor that I might fit in one of those boxes was a mix of relief and fear. I didn't want to be labeled sick or disordered. But at the same time, if I was, things would make so much more sense. Cut to me spending from september to january going to see 2 psychologists and doing endless of tests, talking about my past, and apologizing everytime I didn't have a witness to corrobate something that I said. My parents didn't stop me from doing the tests, but they didn't exactly agree that something might be wrong with me. For them, every behavior I had displayed since I was a tiny baby was normal. I don't know how many times I said to the therapist "No I don't have any close friends from childhood who can help you understand this about me." "No, I don't have any close relatives that can help you get to know how I was as a kid. They're both dead." "No, I don't think my friends would know how to answer these questions, I'm sorry."
I finally got the diagnosis in february, a year after this whole circus started. I'm autistic. If I had been diagnosed like 15 years earlier, they would have said I have Asperger's Syndrome. Today, I can say I'm just autistic. It made so much sense. The tantrums I threw when something didn't go my way. The tics that I have when I'm nervous. Why I can't make friend easily, and why I just need to sit in the same spot everytime, I just need to. But mostly, why I couldn't be like everyone else.
It lifted a huge guilt that I carried around for not being like others. For not being able to stand loud noises, and strange smells. For not dancing at parties, and not kissing drunken strangers. For felling so little in those places, and leaving so exhausted I just couldn't speak the next day.
But at the same time, it was so cruel to see all that I have been through, because I was autistic. All the bullying, and name calling. Feeling isolated and being mocked because I was sensitive and cried when I didn't get the grade I worked for or for not being heard. All the times I wished someone looked at me and saw more than those things, but they just couldn't. Because they didn't understand and they never would. They'd never respect me, and my boundaries, my quirks and needs.
I'm lucky enough to have my parents, that respect me and feel like everything I do is normal (thank god). I'm so lucky to be with a person that loves me so much, and respects my boundaries, and waits for me, because he knows my time is slower than everyone else's.
And although I still fell isolated, specially know that I've been going through sort of a friend group transition, is so much easier. At least I have these 3 people that get me. Even if I wished I had more, I have them.
Anyway, that's all that has been going on. I'm sorry I kinda abandoned this place. I miss it sometimes, truly. I still lurk around here, but I don't feel like being so active in fandom is in my future anymore. Who knows, maybe another catastrophe will happen and I may come back, but for now this is (sort of) a goodbye from my fandom days.
I hope this finds you well and safe,
Luíza (04/22/2023)
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not a day goes by where i dont think about c!tubbo's presidency
#this was meant to be for nov 16th#its february. u can see how well that went#im nto even that happy with this but i needed to post SOMETHING#tubbo#c!tubbo#dsmp tubbo#tubbo fanart#l'manberg#dsmp#dsmp fanart#dream smp#dream smp fanart#mcyt#mcyt fanart#president tubbo#i scheduled this please work please#nicos art tag
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About Me: Cancer Edition
I’ve gained some followers and not everyone knows the whole story. If nothing else, this will be an easy-to-link-to summary to catch old friends up to speed. There’s no need to read this if you’d rather skip it; I won’t hold it against you. I’d rather skip it, too, but I’m the one with the cancer, so I don’t have the option.
It first showed up in late 2013, and it was pretty apparent immediately what it was. The dermatologist I went to in January of 2014 knew it as soon as he looked at it. He sent my biopsy results and information over to the University of Michigan because they’re one of the leaders in melanoma treatment.
Melanoma, if you don’t know, is the worst kind of skin cancer. My melanoma is a particular kind called “nodular melanoma”: instead of spreading out along the skin, it goes vertical, which means it not only raises up from the skin, it goes deep down into it as well. Nodular melanoma is the worst kind of melanoma (thus making it the worst kind of the worst kind of skin cancer). But if mine hadn’t been nodular, we might not have known it was there. Y’see, I had a mole growing on the back of my head, in my hair. I kept whackin’ it with my hairbrush. That’s how I knew it was there, and growing quickly. I couldn’t see it without mirror assistance.
A couple of surgeries followed: to get the rest of the “initial site” cleared (the dermatologist had known this was the sort of thing that would follow and deliberately didn’t take as much off as he could have, because taking more would have required a longer healing time before I could be treated and he wanted me treated ASAP), to test the local “sentinel” lymph nodes, then to clear out all the lymph nodes on the left side of my neck, because the cancer had already spread to there.
After that, we discussed options and decided to wait and watch. It meant scans twice a year at U of M (we lived all the way across the state, near Lake Michigan), but that wasn’t so bad. And so, for almost exactly five years, that’s what we did. And every time, the news was good. No Evidence of Disease (NED).
In February of 2019, my scans turned up something on my liver. We did a biopsy and, sure enough, The Cancer Was Back. Not only that, it had progressed to be farther away from its initial site (the back of my head). I had already been diagnosed at Stage IIIC before; now I was Stage IV.
Stages I, II, and III break down into As, Bs, and Cs (so you could be Stage IA, IB, IC; Stage IIA, IIB, IIC, etc.,or whatever, depending on the criteria). Stage IV is just Stage IV; it doesn’t break down into letters. There is no stage after IV.
I was - and am - officially at the worst stage of the worst kind of the worst kind of skin cancer. The cancer was on my liver, in a couple different spots, and on my spleen.
But I wasn’t worried, because I kept up with things and I knew about a great immunotherapy treatment for melanoma that was a combination of two drugs. And that was, indeed, what my oncologist at U of M wanted to start me on. I’d need to have treatments once a month. It would be the combo of both drugs at first, and then I’d move to just one of them.
We moved to Ann Arbor (where U of M is at), and I started the combo. Side effects weren’t bad in the short term, but I developed adrenal insufficiency during the course of the combo treatment. That complicated matters a bit, but I went to just the one drug and my side effects eased. We began to talk about surgery to cut out the liver tumors. The liver surgeon asked for an MRI instead of the usual CT I would have gotten.
The MRI showed a lot more liver spots. As well as an increase in the size of the spots we already knew about. Y’see, some of the tumors were so little that they just hadn’t shown up on the CT yet. The MRI is a more precise (and expensive) scan, and it caught the ones too small to show up on the CT.
My oncologist basically said he didn’t have anything else for me. Immunotherapy is the big dog in the melanoma world, and I had progressed (gotten worse) while on it. He suggested I go to this place called START where they do clinical trials and studies of new and upcoming drugs. It’s not in Ann Arbor though, it’s over in Grand Rapids.
So we moved to Grand Rapids.
I’ve been through one clinical trial but I progressed while on that, so I was taken off of it. We’ve run into the same problem here that we had in A2, really: most of the studies for melanoma are immunotherapy-based. It’s hard to find something that isn’t.
In the meantime, my liver is being literally replaced with cancer. My entire left lobe and a good portion of the right is just tumor now. My oncologist at START recommended me to an interventional radiologist who is going to pump my liver full of Yttrium 90 (Y90), which is a radioactive isotope that is administered via little beads so tiny that they’re 1/3rd the size of a human hair. This targets only the cancer and, over the course of months, should help shrink the tumor(s).
It’s a treatment, not a cure. But it will hopefully buy me time for START to find something that could cure me, or at least work better than the last study did for me. At some point, my spleen may be removed entirely, but that’s not a vital organ. The liver is the big concern.
I also have some melanoma on my scalp (and a spot in my freaking ear), but those are potentially useful for future studies. Anything I take for the cancer at this point - other than the Y90 which is specifically and only ever for the liver - has to be systemic: it has to fight the cancer EVERYWHERE. So if my little scalp spots start to shrink, that means the treatment is working. And it’s a lot easier to biopsy a bump on my scalp than it is my liver or spleen.
WHEW! That’s a lot, and it really is the quick version. I have times when it seems hopeless but I’m doing pretty good at staying positive, overall. Still, I’ve come to the conclusion that liver cancer is how I’m going to die (unless I get struck by lightning or hit by a bus or something random like that). It’s just a question of when. That’s what I’m fighting for: time.
Fingers crossed for another good, non-immunotherapy clinical trial to crop up that’ll take me. In the meantime, I just work on living my life. I’m still pretty good, all things considered; I can still do most of what I want to do, but I wear out quickly. I’ve got physical therapy to help me work on my stamina and strength. I haven’t given up. It’s way too soon for that.
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can u do a hc on how the brothers n u would b in quarantine? ik there would b no quarantine in devildom but yk dhsjsjjs-
Of course! And as someone who has been in quarantine since almost February, this was a little too real XD
Lucifer:
Oh? There's a quarantine? Time to be productive!
He goes full mother mode and starts cleaning the whole house while also making the brothers clean their rooms and help him up.
He doesn't use the "does this spark joy?" Methods, nah, he uses the "if it's on the ground it's getting thrown out"
That's how Levi almost lost one of figurines. Poor boy dove on the floor to save it a still has the scrap
Besides cleaning, Lucifer also spent most of his time doing the paperwork he would usually do at night.
This man went in strong and finished all the paperwork in 2 weeks and so...he was forced to spend time with his brothers.
Worst/best months of his life. He has never been so close with his brothers...and he absolutely hates it-
On the bright side, he has discovered new ways to punish his brothers in different, inventive ways. (RIP Mammon)
Mammon:
While some may think he would be from the ones that have the hardest time, he actually suffered from it the first few weeks and then he just...grew uses to it?
Tho, Lucifer did give him a hard time with his room. Was his floor always this color? Or did it change when you mopped it?
Also, how the hell was there loose change in his room?! How the hell did he not know about it!?
After that he offered to help clean the others room just so he could snatch any loose change they had.
Tho, the part that most bothered him of being quarantined was not being able to go out and go to casinos or get to his usual schemes
But then, he found a couple of online games that fueled his addiction to gamble
"I mean! It's a gambling game, with all the real life stuff...but get this! You don't actually have to spend or lose any money! Isn't that great?!"
"You do realize that also means you don't make any money...right?"
"...what-"
Leviathan:
This boy didn't even know there was a quarantine the whole time.
He thought it was weird how everyone was always home all of a sudden but he had many events, games, animes and mangas to care for to ask his brothers why they were at the house all the time.
This whole thing did make him grow closer to his brothers tho. Since, he is basically the king of isolation (Elsa who? Nah, Levi) all the others kept constantly bugging him and asking him for recommendations of games and even shows to watch.
He has like 70 new records on his games and didn't even bat an eye when Lucifer told him they would be taking online classes. His response was just “Nice, less people!”
Which got a whine out of Asmo who is so touch starved
The day Lucifer announced the quarantine was over everyone was happy except for Levi who just ???
“There was a quarantine going on?”
“You are a useless otaku, you know that-”
“SHUT UP MAMMON”
Satan:
This man went into quarantine with a whole ass library worth of unread books and he came out being able to recite them like old poetry, learned 6 languages (without including morse code), is basically a chef at this point, has a whole ass youtube channel to debunking stupid theories he saw on the internet and knows how to play violin, piano, and the flute.
He wasted zero seconds being stuck in that house. He used them all to gain knowledge.
He even started to read some mangas from levi just because he had read ALL of his books at least twice and he wouldnt be getting any new because he couldn't leave to go to the library.
Tho, his and Lucifer’s relationship got better...and worse at the same time.
The two spent so much time stranded with one another they are physically sick of seeing the others face. Satan literally put a spell on Lucifer so that he wouldn't be able to see him for a whole day. He was grounded an entire month.
Being grounded from the stuff he liked to do ended up making him have to play along with his brothers ideas. Which only gave Lucifer more headache. Satan 1 - Lucifer 0.
Asmo:
“DEAR LORD THIS TORTURE!”
“It hasn't even been 3 days-”
“AND YET I HAVE LOST SUBS, BEEL! This is all because the lightning in this house is LESS than ideal for my beautiful skin!”
This poor demon has never been as touch starved as he is during the whole process.
He is constantly whining about how he just wants to be hugged and held. It makes all the brothers sick of hi by the third day. Tho, he does manage to get some hugs a day from them! Even from Levi the reclusive.
Also, you KNOW this man made himself an only fans account.
He got so fucking popular on it even Diavolo heard of it...which obviously meant Lucifer found out and close the account.
“Eeeeeh?! But what about my fans?! They cant possibly survive this quarantine without my precious face!”
“I’m sure they will manage.”
“You are so mean! Where am i going to get from the attention and compliments I deserve?”
“You literally compliment yourself every 2 seconds in front of the mirror.”
“It’s not the same, Belphegor!”
Also, this boy did so many g=face masks and shit he basically came out shinning-
Beel:
This poor boy gets in trouble so much. But he cant help himself! he gets hungry and being able to just...get up and go into the kitchen is a possibility he is not about to throw away!
Like! How is he supposed to resist?!
Besides! It was Lucifer’s fault for buying a month worth of groceries knowing Beel would be around. They didn't last an hour.
On the other hand, has actually been working out quite a lot.
And! Boy even managed to convince Levi to work out with him as well!
Granted, Leviathan didn't make it 10 minutes in, but it was fun for Beel to instruct his brother! : D
Beel actually would be one of the less that suffered during the whole time. Yes he missed going out and tasting new restaurants. But he loves his family and enjoys spending time with them quite a bit!
Belphegor:
He literally slept trough the whole thing.
The day it started he looked at Lucifer and went “Welp, i’m going to hibernate. Wake me up when its over.”
Lucifer only rolled his eyes...but almost a week later he realized that Belphegor was being serious about not waking up at all-
So, Beel was instructed to wake him up.
He was in a bad mood for being woken up, and groggy the rest of the day. But after that, he started to spend a lot of time with both Asmodeus and Leviathan playing games.
He even managed to win against Levi once!
Also, Belphegor spent the whole time procrastinating on doing any chores Lucifer gave him. Clean his room? Good luck waking him up. Do the laundry? Awe, too bad Beel ate the detergent. Help Satan on the kitchen? He almost burned Mammon in the process because he feel asleep watching over boiling water.
Bonus on one of my Mc’s just because I can
During this whole thing I can see my Mc, Amaria,driving Satan crazy! She wouldn't leave his side at all XD. She would also be constantly helping Mammon, Belphie, and Satan on their pranks on Lucifer
Hope y’all enjoyed those little headcanons! I dont know if this is exactly what you wanted but I had fun with it! Stay safe people!
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The President Wears Prada (William Nylander | Chapter 19
A/N: IT’S VALENTINE’S DAY BITCHES!!!!!
February 14th, 2020
Aberdeen Bloom was packing her tote bag.
Thankfully, the team had Valentine’s Day off. Over the past few weeks she’d heard the guys talking about their plans with their wives or girlfriends. John and Aryne were getting John’s parents to watch Jace while they went for dinner in Yorkville. Morgan was bringing Bee to Alo for dinner, in his crutches and all – he wasn’t letting his injury stop him. Jason was going to buy his girls each a bouquet of flowers and have a special night in with them and Jennifer. It all sounded very sweet, and she was happy that, after missing New Year’s with their families, they were at least able to have Valentine’s Day together.
Evan was coming over tonight and Kasha was cooking him a romantic dinner, so Aberdeen had decided she was going to camp out at her local Starbucks with her laptop and notebooks and work on her writing. It was when she was almost finished packing her tote bag did a text come through on her phone.
can u be ready in 15 mins?
Between William and Brendan, she’d just about had it with hockey players telling her to get ready in an absurdly short amount of time.
Why?
did u really think we wouldn’t celebrate valentines minskatt?
She almost dropped her phone on the floor. She had no clue what he was thinking. Clearly he wasn’t.
I don’t know what the custom in Sweden is, but usually you tell a girl if you’re going out on Valentine’s Day so she can look pretty
what’s the fun in that when i can surprise u with something
plus u always look pretty
its impossible for u not to
What if I already made plans?
Less than ten seconds later, her phone began ringing. She snorted before she picked up. “Hi.”
“You don’t really have plans, do you?” he asked, worry in his voice.
She looked at her notebook sitting on her bed, the one she was supposed to have packed into her tote bag before leaving for Starbucks. Where she should be drinking coffee and writing. Exactly like the stereotype. “Evan’s coming over. I was supposed to go to Starbucks and write,” she informed him.
William knew how seriously Aberdeen took her writing ever since she’d read a lot of it to him during their days alone during the All-Star Break, so he was genuinely worried. “Do you think you can spare a few hours for a Valentine’s Day date? I’m like two minutes from your place,” he said. “But, uh, no pressure. I mean if you want to write, you can go write.”
Aberdeen smiled, though she couldn’t see him. His anxiety was a bit cute, she had to admit. This was the first time in her life, she thought, that she made a boy nervous. The last time she’d tried to use writing as an excuse not to go out, Zane got annoyed and pouty and forced her out to his friend’s birthday party where she had the worst time. “I’ll meet you downstairs,” she said quickly before hanging up.
By the time the elevator took her down to the lobby, she saw William’s Volvo already waiting for her in front of the lobby doors. She slipped into the passenger’s seat quickly, closing the door and immediately noticing how already hot and cozy it was in the car. She looked over to William. “Hi,” she smiled shyly.
“Hi minskatt,” he smiled too, a soft, confident smile on his face. “You look beautiful.”
“Stop trying to butter me up.”
He leaned over the centre console and placed a kiss on her lips. It was supposed to be chaste – supposed to be – but he should have known better, because once his lips were on hers it was endgame for him, and he kept kissing her and deepening the kiss for as long as she’d let him. When she pulled away, she was smiling. “Where are we going?” she asked.
“It’s a surprise.”
“Willy.”
He reached over and grabbed her hand, pulling it over to his lap. “You’ll see, minskatt.”
Aberdeen digressed. He put his car into drive and turned the corner to rejoin Adelaide Street. He grabbed his phone carefully from the cupholder and handed it to her. “Want to play some music?” he asked.
Aberdeen arched her brow. She took the phone from his hands and began scrolling through his Spotify. During the All-Star Break, she’d added more songs to his “Minskatt” playlist, and they’d listened it as they sat around the apartment, or cooked, or did whatever it was they did for those three days – which was basically just eat and have sex. She noticed a couple of songs had been added by him since then, too: ‘Ageless Beauty’ by Stars, ‘Cold Feet’ by Loud Luxury, ‘Honest’ by The Band CAMINO. They all suited her and her taste in music so well.
But she had ulterior motives.
William waited patiently for a song to begin as he drove through the streets. Every time he glanced over at Aberdeen, he saw her smirk getting bigger and bigger. “What are you up to over there?” he asked. “Are you destroying the playlist again?”
Aberdeen giggled and tapped the screen dramatically. She waited.
When the opening notes of ‘Passionfruit’ began to play, William’s jaw dropped dramatically as Aberdeen burst into a fit of laughter at his reaction. “What the hell is this?!” he demanded playfully. “You roast me about my choice and now you play it?!”
“I never said it was a bad song,” she said through giggles.
“You are something else,” he said, pausing dramatically between the two words as he reached over and tried to pinch her on her thigh playfully. She yelped but continued to laugh, grabbing his hand and holding it hers, like she was holding a baby bird. “No extra meatball for you.”
Her eyes lit up at the mention of a meatball. “Sugo meatballs?”
“No,” he shook his head, bringing his car to a stop at the red light. He looked over at her. “San Remo Bakery meatballs.”
She gasped dramatically. “Willy, we’re going to San Remo?”
“Mhm,” he nodded his head. The famous bakery in Etobicoke clearly had her heart, and he knew it would. It was the first thing he thought of when he was planning tonight. “You’re gonna get us whatever’s good and we’re gonna eat.”
Aberdeen wiggled excitedly in her seat. She controlled the playlist and songs as William made his way to Etobicoke the long way – aka, not taking the highway. He was perfectly content with taking King Street and The Queensway the entire way there while maintaining easy, fun, and interesting conversation with Aberdeen, who was suddenly full of stories of other Etobicoke establishments she’d haunt during her high school days. She told stories of she and her friends packing themselves into a car to drive to San Remo Bakery in grade 12, making it back just in time for their afternoon class but smelling like freshly baked bread in the process. She told stories of running through the streets of The Kingsway neighbourhood throughout university when she would go on jogs to clear her head. She told stories of hiking along the Humber Marshes with her dad and traditional afternoon tea at the Old Mill with her mom and taking the subway back home to Royal York station after nights out with her friends in university. She’d memorized the train schedule and knew that the last train going westbound left at 1:52am. For all that she went out, she’d only ended up taking a taxi back home three times.
After every story, William would kiss her hand.
When they were on Royal York Road, Aberdeen became silent as she looked at all the storefronts on the way to the bakery. The sun was just starting to set, and even though it was the dead of winter in Canada, the night was clear and crisp, the sky starting to light up a mixed shade of orange and pink. She looked over at William, his eyes illuminated by the setting sun. For all her thinking half the time that he was so perfect she didn’t think he was real, she was reminded of his status by the beanie he was wearing on top of his head, the Maple Leafs logo glaring back at her.
He pulled the car over to the curb right in front of the bakery. Aberdeen could see inside, and it was pretty busy – like it usually was. She looked at him again. “Do you get recognized a lot when you’re out and about in the city?” she asked.
William shrugged. “Enough.”
She looked between him and the busy bakery again, biting her lip. “Then how about I go in and bring the food back,” she said sheepishly. “That way it’s not…I mean we’re not seen toget—”
“I understand, Aberdeen. It’s okay,” he said, kissing her hand.
“I’m sorry we can’t, like, eat it inside or whatever,” she said sheepishly, knowing that it was because of her anxieties about being caught that they couldn’t be seen in public together. Sometimes she wondered if he had the same, although she doubted it. He was an extremely private person and didn’t let the media know about one iota of his life or who he really was as a person, but he was so carefree with her that she wondered if he let his guard down because his love for her blinded him or something.
“Hey…” he said, leaning over the centre console again so he could give her a soft kiss. “It’s fine. I’m just happy to be spending the night with you. Now go.”
Aberdeen came back with a feast. A giant slice of lasagna (for him), gnocchi in a rosé sauce (for her, her absolute favourite), and two sfoglio cannolis. When she got back in the car, bag filled to the brim, William was smiling. The smell of all the food instantly filled the car and he almost melted right then and there. “God, that smells fucking incredible,” he said. “Alright, next stop.”
“What’s the next stop?”
“You’ll see.”
Aberdeen rolled her eyes again. She didn’t have to wait long, though, because within minutes – seriously, the food was still steaming – they’d arrived at Prince of Wales Park, a small park on the edge of the lake with an amazing and underrated lookout towards the Toronto skyline. The park was empty, with it being the middle of winter, and so was the small parking lot. William parked right at the end, facing the skyline as the sun set over the city.
Aberdeen and William looked at each other at the same time once he put his car in park, turning off the engine but leaving the heating on. “You were planning to eat in the car anyway, weren’t you?” she asked.
“Maybe,” he smiled mischievously.
She took out the food. William audibly moaned as he took his first bite of lasagna. Aberdeen lay her back against the door as she forked some gnocchi into her mouth, sighing at the taste. Between mouthfuls of gnocchi and lasagna and feeding each other little bits to taste, William began to speak, unprompted, just like she had on the way to the bakery. He spoke about growing up with his big family in Sweden and the United States, going back and forth every year. He spoke about skating on rollerblades in his backyard and hitting the corner of a barbecue while his dad chased him and needing three stitches. He spoke about his mom cooking traditional Swedish dishes and his dad being the master of pickled herring. He spoke about hockey and being drafted and moving to Toronto at eighteen. He spoke about having to leave his friends in Sweden but being able to see them every summer. He spoke about how much she would love Sweden, how he wanted to bring her there, how he wanted to show her their family place in Stockholm but also their secluded country house.
After every subject change, she’d lean in and kiss him, and he’d taste like lasagna and she’d taste like gnocchi and it was all just perfect.
When they finished the food, and had washed everything down with some water and put the empty containers back in the bag that Aberdeen tied up and placed at her feet, she looked at William once more. Although everything was sweet, and perfect, and lovely, and everything she would have wanted out of a Valentine’s Day date, the fact of the matter was they’d just had dinner in a car. Alone. Because they couldn’t spend it in a restaurant together. Because they were together, but they couldn’t be together – out in the open, at least.
“Hey Willy?” her voice was sheepish, her mouth speaking before her brain could tell her not to.
“Minskatt?”
“You uh, you know how we’re keeping all this a secret? Like nobody on the team knows we slept together last June, and nobody in the world knows we’re sleeping together now, and the guys on the team think it’s all like…I don’t know, like you having a harmless crush on me or whatever?” she rambled.
“Yes…” William was unsure of where she was going with this.
“So, um…what are we, then?”
He stayed quiet for a moment. “What do you want to be?” he asked.
“Nuh-uh. I’m not making the executive decision here,” she shook her head. “Either we make a decision together or that’s it. We need to define what this is because right now we’re in this weird friends-with-benefits stage even though we’ve already said I love you—”
“I want you to be my girlfriend,” he blurted out, interrupting her. “I thought…I mean, I’ve wanted you to be my girlfriend since the elevator. I thought you knew that.”
She had a hunch, but she needed it confirmed by him out loud so she knew her mind wasn’t playing games with her. “So…so we’re going to do this, then?” she asked timidly.
“Do you want to do this?” he asked, making sure. “Because you already know my answer. I think you’ve known it this whole time, you just hesitate to accept it because your judgement is clouded by the fact that we have to sneak around to love one another and be together.”
For Aberdeen, the answer was easy. It was wrong, and it was immoral, and it was a blatant disregard of the rules she needed to follow professionally and the rules she should be following societally, but it was easy. “Yes. I want to do this. You’re my boyfriend.”
“Then you’re my girlfriend,” William smiled.
“We have a bit of a problem though.”
“Besides the fact that this is against every company policy known to mankind and completely inappropriate?” he asked. It made Aberdeen giggle. “What’s the other problem?”
“Valentine’s Day can’t be our anniversary. It’s too corny.”
William giggled. He grabbed her hand and kissed it before he held it in his lap, his thumb gliding over her backhand tenderly. “When’s our anniversary then, minskatt?”
Aberdeen thought for a few moments before she came to a conclusion. “January 9th.”
William knew the exact date she was talking about and knew why she would choose that date to be their anniversary. “Alright then. January 9th it is.”
Aberdeen smiled, leaning back into the door, satisfied. They had an anniversary. They were official. They were on the same page, regardless of whether or not they liked that page – that page being not being able to share their relationship with anyone or anything. It wasn’t the best page. But they both knew there were better pages ahead.
A secret only they knew.
“What’re you thinking about?” William asked softly.
“You,” she replied. He smiled. “C’mere,” she beckoned.
“Come where?”
She abruptly opened the door, slipping out of the passenger seat and instead moving to the backseat. William watched as she did so, slipping out himself when he realized what she was doing. Once they found each other in the backseat, Aberdeen climbed on top of him and straddled his lap. “You’re being very bold, minskatt,” William smiled.
“Count your blessings,” she winked before leaning in and crashing her lips against his. He reciprocated readily, however ‘shocked’ he was by her bold actions. He was just as hungry for her as she was for him, and his actions showed that: his hands wandering along her thighs, grabbing at her waist; his tongue down her throat, biting her bottom lip. They kissed so much their lips were red and swollen; kissed so much they were fogging up the windows.
Layers. There were too many layers of clothing. It was winter, so they both knew there would be, but it made things annoying. They’d taken their jackets off long ago – William had his off when Aberdeen got in the car, and she’d taken hers off soon after, not bothering to put it back on when she ran in and out of San Remo Bakery – but now there was William t-shirt and hoodie to worry about, and Aberdeen’s sweater, and…
Aberdeen felt William’s hands go underneath her sweater and shivered.
“You alright, minskatt?” William asked as he felt her body shake at his touch.
Aberdeen nodded. She began kissing him again, grinding her hips against his lap, causing him to groan. His hands kept traveling higher and higher against her bare skin until he reached her bra. Aberdeen helped take off her sweater. William took his off, too. She could feel how hard she was getting as she grinded more in his lap, pressing her bare skin onto his and feeling his body heat. Eventually, he pushed her bra straps down, kissing his way down to her breasts before taking a nipple on his mouth. Aberdeen threw her head back. “Willy…” she sighed out, the feeling of his tongue flicking against her nipple making her shiver again. He switched to the other breast. “Oh, Willy…” she began to pant harder.
She dropped her hands in between them.
As Aberdeen stuck her hand down his pants, William stopped. “Ab—Aberdeen—”
“Willy please tell me you have a condom somewhere.”
He huffed, looking nervous. “I d…I don’t think I do—”
“What?”
“I wasn’t expecting this, minskatt. I swear.” Okay, so they couldn’t have sex. But they could still have fun, she thought immediately, because there was no way she was going to stop now. She was too far gone. “If you want to stop I underst—”
“We are not stopping,” Aberdeen said firmly. “I’m—I—help me pull your pants down.”
She started on her own, eagerly, but William helped. She saw how hard his member was and grabbed it. She noticed William’s sharp intake of breath. She began to stroke him, looking him straight in the eye. “D’you like that?”
William nodded. He pulled her pants down, too, and moved her underwear to the side. “I want to make you feel good,” he whispered.
“You always do,” she smiled.
He smiled back at her. He began teasing her core before slipping one finger into her. She gasped in pleasure, biting her lip as she moved her hips slowly. “That’s good?” William asked quickly, only for Aberdeen to nod her head just as quickly, letting out a sigh. She tried to steady her breathing as William’s finger began moving in and out of her slowly, curling every so often. For her part, she kept jerking him off too, his grunts her fuel.
“D’you like when I touch you like this?” she asked, mumbling against his lips, biting down on the bottom one.
He kissed her in response, sloppy and wet to let her know what he thought. He used his thumb to start rubbing circles against her hot core, and the sound of her mewling out his name over and over again was driving him absolutely insane. “More,” she whimpered. “More, Willy. One more.”
William slipped another finger into her easily and curled them both. “Oooooh, fuck,” Aberdeen sighed out, along with every other swear word in the book. She quickened her strokes of his cock and he grunted again, bucking his hips slightly. They kissed for a while longer, both their hands working magic on the other, until she felt him buck his hips again. “Are y’close, Willy?” He nodded, unable to form words. “D’you wanna cum in my mouth?”
Willy’s eyes bulged out dramatically. “You’ve gotta cum first.”
“Willy—”
“You don’t hav—you’ve gotta cum first,” he repeated more definitively, curling his fingers in her again, making her cry out.
“Don’t stop, then,” she bit her lip. “I’m so close.”
William leaned forward to kiss Aberdeen, and with a few more curls of his fingers and circles of his thumb, she began writhing and shaking on top of him, moaning his name over and over and over again as she rode out her orgasm for as long as she could. She buried her head in the crook of his neck as she came down from her orgasm, feeling his fingers slip out of her. She watched as he brought them up to his mouth and sucked. She was surprised he’d do something that bold, but then again, he had just fingered her in the backseat of his car after she’d initiated the entire rendezvous. “Fuck, Willy.”
“Felt good?” he asked quickly.
“Felt fucking amazing,” she responded, trying to suppress her giggle. With her hand still miraculously on his cock, she continued stroking, slowly at first. “You ok?”
He nodded his head. “You look so fucking sexy,” he mumbled, referring to how her bra was still pushed down and the red flush that had taken over her body after her orgasm. It was his favourite sight to see. “I love it when I hear you moan my name. I…fuck Aberdeen.”
“I love how good you are with your hands,” she smiled mischievously.
“I love how good you are with yours,” he giggled, sighing slightly as her thumb grazed over the tip of his cock. They kissed for a while as she continued to stroke him. “God, you’re so fucking good. I’m not gonna last much longer.”
“D’you want to cum in my mouth?” she asked again.
There was no backing out of the question now, but William didn’t know how to respond. Of course it would have been nice, but there was so much to consider. “You don’t have to. It’s okay.”
“But Willy—”
“—I haven’t even eaten you out yet and I don’t think it’s fair—”
“—But I want to, Willy,” she said, eyes wide and staring at him with a mix of fake innocence and real determination. “I want to.”
He didn’t say another word. Aberdeen kissed him a few more times before she shifted her position and took him in her mouth, sucking the tip of his cock. William leaned his head back and watched through hooded eyes as she continued to stroke and suck, leaving him utterly speechless. It was only when Aberdeen started to go deeper that he could feel his release coming, and he suddenly found his voice again. “Aberdeen—” he tried to get out, but couldn’t. She looked up at him with big eyes and he was ready to die right there. “Aberdeen, I—”
“Cum in my mouth Willy.”
With one last stroke and a buck of his hips, Aberdeen felt his hot cum in her throat. William moaned and repeated her name over and over, much like she’d done before, and tried to keep his eyes on her as she took every last bit of him. His jaw was practically on the floor as he looked down at her, and she up at him, until he couldn’t take it anymore. “C’mere,” dragged her up, planting a messy, wet kiss on her lips as they moaned together, William wrapping his arms around her protectively as he could feel his cock soften.
They kissed for what felt like hours again, kiss after kiss after kiss, until their pace slowed down and their breaths returned to normal and they realized what they’d just done, what they’d just participated in together, willingly, in a car sitting in an empty parking lot of a park overlooking the Toronto skyline. In about twelve hours, they’d be on a plane together en route to Ottawa, solely work acquaintances to everyone around them, keeping their secret close to their hearts.
“I love you, minskatt,” William mumbled, his head still a bit dizzy but his heart still full from what had just happened.
“I love you too,” she responded, her chest rising and falling with her breath, her head equally as dizzy and her heart equally as full.
***
William couldn’t keep his eyes off of Aberdeen, now that they were back in the driver’s and passenger’s seat, on Islington Road heading north to get on the Gardiner Expressway. She had a flush on her cheeks and a small smile on her face as she looked out the window. The night was completely dark now, with only the streetlights illuminating the road for them until they got back into the city. The playlist was playing in the background, but neither bothered to turn the volume up or change the song yet.
William drove slowly. To have more time with her.
“Minskatt?” he asked softly as they were stopped at a red light. Aberdeen turned her head to look at him. “Being with you feels right,” he told her, his voice firm and with conviction.
“Even though what we’re doing is wrong?” she asked.
William shook his head. “That doesn’t matter. I don’t care about the rules.” He considered her words – how she admitted it was wrong – for a moment and got nervous. “Does it feel wrong to you?”
“No,” she replied immediately shaking her head. “Not at all. But you have to understand that this…this is simultaneously the most wrong thing I’ve ever done, but also the most right. I don’t know how to explain it.”
“I get it completely,” William said. “But I don’t regret any of it.”
“I don’t either.” Aberdeen surprised herself by saying those words out loud. But they were true. She didn’t. She didn’t feel any regret. “You…you know that right?”
William smiled softly. He was very, very well aware how much she was sacrificing to do this – to be sneaking around with him – and he was very well aware of how, for her, everything hung by a thread. Everything for her was on the line, everything, and she was willing to risk it all for him. That was why he was so protective. That was why he was so secretive. That was why he tried his best to keep everything so low-key, to not have people catch on, and if they did, to not take it too seriously. “I do.”
When she picked up his phone as he took the on-ramp onto the Gardiner Expressway, she chose another song, ‘In Your Eyes’ by the Weeknd. William recognized the tempo immediately and smiled. They moved along to the music, singing the lyrics together as they drove on the highway. Aberdeen danced in her seat and William grooved from side to side as much as he could while still being alert and paying attention to the road. Near the song’s end, Aberdeen grabbed his phone again and queued the next song.
When the familiar chords began to play, the synth coming in and the beat loud and strong, William looked over to her and smiled. “How did I know?” he asked.
“Did you expect anything less from me?” she asked rhetorically, giggling slightly.
Midnight…
You come and pick me up, no headlights…
Long drive could end in burning flames or paradise…
Hearing her sing was one of the best things in the world to him. Almost as good as hearing her talking about writing. Almost as good as hearing her read her own writing. There was such a lack of inhibitions in the way she sang and the way she moved, the way she didn’t care about facades or rules or appropriateness anymore, that made every lyric, ever hand motion, every movement and every head bop so endearing to him. When she took out her phone and began recording the lights on the horizon, all the skyscrapers lit up in the crisp winter’s night air, he reached across the console and held her hand. Hands that held the ring he got her on it.
Because he could now. Without any reservation.
And when Aberdeen smiled, all was right in the world.
When they got back to her apartment, Aberdeen was reluctant to leave. William had put the car in park but neither of them moved to say goodbye or do anything, really. They were lucky that her street wasn’t a main street; that it was residential and tucked in behind two other, more major streets, so that they wouldn’t be honked at or bothered.
“Have you packed for tomorrow yet?” Aberdeen asked, her voice quiet.
William shrugged. “Just gotta choose a suit, really. There’s nothing to it. You?”
“Yeah,” she nodded her head. “My suitcase is pretty much always ready to go nowadays. I’m uh…Brendan actually gave me lunch time off so I can meet up with Siena.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. She’s even coming to the game. Not in the press box or anything but she’ll be in a seat somewhere in the arena. You might get to see her.”
William stayed silent for a few moments. “Did you like tonight?” he asked.
Aberdeen smiled. “Very much so.”
Some more moments of silence. It wasn’t until William leaned over to give her a kiss that there was another sound. “I love you, minskatt.”
She smiled into the kiss. “I love you too, Willy,” she said, for what felt like the tenth time that night. She put her hand on the door handle and pulled so the door would open. She knew if she stayed any longer, they’d be there all night, either kissing or just sitting there in silence. “Get home safe, okay? Text me.”
He didn’t want her to leave, but he digressed because they both had an early wakeup time tomorrow. He also knew that he’d be seeing her in a few hours again, anyway. “I will, minskatt,” he gave her one last kiss before letting her go.
When Aberdeen walked into her condo building, it was like the concierge was waiting for her. “Ms. Bloom?” he asked as she walked by the desk.
“That’s me…”
“This is for you,” he said, handing her a large manila envelope. “Courtesy of your friend,” he nodded towards William, still waiting outside in his car until Aberdeen turned the corner to get to the elevator where he wouldn’t be able to see her.
She furrowed her brows. When…? How…? “Thanks…” she took it from him, thanking him politely before making her way towards the elevator. Once she was in, she pressed her floor number and tore open the seal.
Inside, there was a valentine. A poorly made and executed valentine, but a valentine nonetheless. William had cut out a giant heart out of red construction paper. He’d glued googly-eyes on it to make a face, glued pipe cleaners and cotton balls and stickers where necessary, and had even used glitter. She laughed out loud – it honestly looked like a valentine made by one of her mom’s first graders. When she noticed it was a card, she opened it up. She saw, in William’s handwriting:
Jag tänker på dig när jag inte ens tanker
It was when she got to her bedroom that she punched in the words, with all their accents, carefully into Google Translate on her phone. Again. He was always making her translate things, although she highly doubted there would be a communication error this time around and think he was calling her ‘little shit’. When the translation came up, her heart skipped a beat.
I think about you when I’m not even thinking.
#william nylander#william nylander imagine#william nylander fic#william nylander fan fic#toronto maple leafs#toronto maple leafs imagine#toronto maple leafs fic#toronto maple leafs fan fic#william nylander blurb#toronto maple leafs blurb#nhl#nhl imagine#nhl fic#nhl fan fic#nhl blurb#hockey#hockey imagine#hockey fic#hockey fan fic#hockey blurb#the president wears prada series
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Motherland: Fort Salem. A Timeline
I’ve have seen a bunch of random posts about how Raelle and Scylla have been together for two seconds, how can they possibly be in love. Or how can the Unit be going through all this after only being on base for a couple of weeks. Now, I’m here for a good U-haul joke about the gays running away together after two weeks but below is my breakdown for why this assumption may be incorrect and that they have in fact been at Fort Salem for 11 weeks as of the Bellweather wedding.
Before I begin; a caveat. Yes they filmed the pilot in 2018. Yes they filmed the rest of season 1 in Spring 2019. While I’m sure they didn’t really pay that much attention to weather in the details, I’m going to provide my explanation at the end to account for unchanging weather that is likely a direct consequence of a limited window for filming as opposed to planned, historical canon.
1) Conscription day is February 19th. Based on the Spree attack on Conscription day being at a mall in winter and the fact that the Salem Accord was signed on February 19th (1692). Since witches answer the call as dictated by the Salem Accord, we can infer that Conscription day is synonymous with the date the Salem Accord was signed.
This is also supported by the cold weather (mentioned) and snow seen in New York, where Abigail is during Conscription day.
Raelle lives in the Cession near Carolina, so it wouldn’t be terribly cold or have snow in February.
2) Witches report to Fort Salem on February 20th, the day after Conscription day, based on the conversations between Raelle and her neighbor and Tally catching a flight to Boston day after Conscription day. Raelle meets Scylla within her first week on base, probably within a day or two since it seems like she bails on the first training session; Anacostia lectures her for getting demerits in the first week.
3) The Pageant in Salem town is in late March. It is very possible that witches do not feel cold the same way civilians do. Abigail’s indifference to New York winter weather also suggests this. However, at Gallows Hill you can see civilians wearing heavier jackets and beanies (and not the hipster kind) even while witches only wear their dress uniforms. There is no snow, but it’s still cold for normal people. This could match well with the weather in and around Salem in late March.
Aside. If this is true, that means that they’ve been on base for about a month or more by this point. It means that the opening scene for episode 2 is NOT a direct continuation of the closing scene from episode 1 (aka, not the morning after for Raelle and Scylla). It means Raelle and Scylla have been sleeping together for a few weeks at least, let’s say ~4 just to fit nicely into this proposed timeline. This also means they don’t make “girlfriends” official right away.
4) Men arrive on base April 30th, the day before Beltane. Though not explicitly stated, this can be assumed based on context and small bits of dialogue, most notably the fact that Porter dies either the night before or day of Beltane and he went to go confront Scylla his first day on base.
Aside. This means that the first three episodes cover 10 weeks of time on base. Raelle has since given Scylla maybe 5 or 6 weeks to open up and talk about herself after saying “take as much time as you need” in the graveyard. Therefore, her telling Scylla “no you don’t get to do that with this one, you either tell me what’s going on or I’m leaving” when Porter is being creepy in Memorial Hall is not her going back on her word of patience. It’s Raelle saying, ‘I’ve been patient, you need to tell me what’s going on because I’m hurting’.
I just really like this screen shot so I’ll include it. Look at her face, LOOK at it.
Patience is wearing thin.
5) Beltane is May 1st since it’s based on an actual Wiccan holiday. Episode 4 is a direct continuation of episode 3.
6) The Bellweather Wedding is May 8th-10th, a week after Beltane. Abigail says, “My cousin is getting next week” on May 2nd, the day after Beltane. Episode 5 therefore starts a week after Beltane which means Raelle has been trying to get Scylla invited to the wedding for days. This also fits the weather in that region around that time and civilian wedding guests are not wearing coats.
Justification for why it’s not FREEZING at Fort Salem when the witches arrive on base. (New England winters are BRUTAL).
Back to my caveat. The easy answer is simply because they filmed the series in Spring. You can’t film year round for a 10 episode season on a Freeform budget. This isn’t HBO so they don’t have the luxury of delaying production just so there is real snow. But this makes telling time difficult so here is my crafted justification for why it’s always so damn nice on base when it shouldn’t be based in this timeline.
1) As mentioned above, it seems as though witches are less sensitive to cold then civilians.
2) Witches in the American military literally control the weather. I’m guessing they keep the weather neutral and alter it to see fit (i.e. for training or courting purposes).
3) Fort Salem get’s its power from General Alder. It is linked to her life force. We see this in A Biddy’s Life. So if she’s healthy, the base is thriving and beautiful. If she’s sick or injured, the base suffers and dies.
Cheers - let me know if you agree.
#motherland fort salem#motherland: fort salem#raelle x scylla#raelle collar#scylla ramshorn#scylla x raelle#tally craven#abigail bellweather#mfs theories#alt universe
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Sleepy Moments (Javier x Reader) {MTMF}
Title: Sleepy Moments
Rating: PG-13
Length: 1500
Warnings: Brief allusions of sex.
Notes: You can find everything about Maybe Today, Maybe Forever here. Set February 1993. This was supposed to be longer, but I got trapped in my VR world.
Summary: Javier comes home from a statekout.
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You wandered out of your bedroom, stifling a quiet yawn as you made your way, barefoot, into the kitchen to find yourself something to eat for breakfast.
Instead of heading for the cabinet with the cereal, you went straight for the freezer and grabbed the carton of ice cream out.
You sat it on the counter and opened the fridge to find the orange marmalade that was stashed in the door. An odd combination, but something you’d be craving since the middle of the night.
You grabbed a bowl out of the cabinet and a spoon out of the drawer and headed for the kitchen table.
At least Javier wasn’t there to judge your eating habits — though you were certain he was starting to get used to your cravings.
You popped off the lid of the vanilla ice cream, spooning some into your bowl, before dumping a heap of marmalade over it. You groaned as you took a bite; the sweet combination of milky dairy and fruit hitting the spot.
A noise in the family room caught your attention and you jerked your head towards the sofa — brows furrowed as you waited to hear it again. It almost sounded like snoring…
“Javier!” You shouted and he jerked bolt-upright on the sofa, nearly falling off in his haste.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” You questioned, holding your bowl of ice cream as you glared at him.
“Shit.” He rubbed at his eyes, raking his fingers through his hair. “I finished the stakeout at four.” Javier explained, scratching the back of his neck as he walked into the kitchen. “Didn’t want to wake you.”
You rolled your eyes, “You gave me a fucking heart attack.”
Javier gave your bowl of ice cream a pointed look, “Yes, I can see you’re terrified.”
“Fuck off.” You flipped him off, before taking another bite of your treat. “You have no idea what it’s like to have these cravings.”
“I’m not immune to cravings.” Javier retorted, gesturing to what you had on. “Is this what I miss out on when I’m stuck on stakeouts?”
You glanced downwards, “I was hot. Do not judge me.” You were still clinging to the clothes you’d been able to wear before you started showing. The tee you had on had ridden up to show off your rounded stomach and your underwear. It was definitely a look.
“Not judging.” He smirked, “I’m definitely admiring.” Javier ran his tongue over his bottom lip. “What are you eating?”
“Ice cream and marmalade.” You shrugged, taking another bite. “Nothing else sounded good.” Your brows rose upwards, “As much as I miss stakeouts, I don’t miss the ones that dragged on into the next day.”
He pinched the bridge of his nose and nodded, “I’m fucking wiped,” Javier said as he stepped around you and moved to make himself a cup of coffee. “Handed our info over to Search Bloc.”
You sat down at the table, smiling when Javier grabbed the carton of ice cream and put it back in the freezer for you. “I promise I’ll let you sleep today.”
“It’s fine,” He assured you, stifling another yawn. “I don’t need to sleep.” Javier grabbed a chair from the table and pulled it around to sit down next to you. “How’d you sleep?”
“Your daughter kept me up all night.” You said, rubbing your hand over the swell of your stomach.
His lips drew upwards at the corners, “Sounds like we both need a nap today.”
You nodded your head, taking another bite of the ice cream. “Wanna try?” You questioned, spooning up another bit of ice cream and marmalade and holding it out for him.
Javier bypassed the spoon, kissing you instead. “Not bad.” He smirked, brushing his knuckles against your cheek. “And easier to manage than tracking down Cheetos in the middle of the night.”
You grinned as you took another bite and licked the spoon. “I’m a simple woman of simple needs.”
He reached out and rested his hand on your stomach, brushing his fingers over the bare skin revealed to him under the hem of your shirt. “Do you need me to bring over more of my shirts?”
You scrunched up your nose, “Maybe.” You took your last bite of ice cream, licking your lips as you sat the bowl aside. “You should’ve come to bed this morning.” You told him, reaching out to fluff your fingers through his hair.
“Didn’t want to wake you.” He told you, closing his eyes as he enjoyed you playing with his hair.
“If I had known you were out here, you could’ve helped me with a little problem I had.” You said, dropping your voice low as you traced your fingers over his cheekbone.
His brows rose upwards, “And what was that problem?”
You bit down on your bottom lip, feigning innocence. “Oh, just a dream about you.” You sat back in your seat, “Your coffee’s done.”
“You’ve caught my interest.” Javier told you, resting his hand on your upper thigh. “What was this dream about?”
“Well,” You started, leaning back in your seat and let your thighs part. “What have I been dreaming about?”
His brows furrowed, “Last week you dreamed you were being chased by the Rocketeer. Underwater.” He reminded you, his lashes fluttering as he blinked slowly.
Working until four in the morning and being abruptly woken up at seven has taken a toll on him.
“Okay, so my dreams have been weird.” You laughed, pushing your fingers through your hair. “Just forget it.” You gave his hand a squeeze with your other hand, before rising from your seat to throw your bowl in the sink and get his coffee for him.
“Baby,” Javier drawled out as he rose from his seat and followed you towards the coffee pot. “Come on, you can tell me.”
You turned around to face him, leaning back against the counter as you met his gaze. Your cheeks were burning hot. “I had yet another sex dream.” You pointed at him. “Between being kicked in my kidneys all night and waking up from very erotic dreams when I do sleep, this pregnancy is going to kill me.”
Javier crowded in close to you, one hand on your stomach and the other at your cheek. “I’m not against helping you, baby.”
“Javi,” You said warmly, cupping both of his cheeks. “Your bags have bags and I can tell you’re trying to keep your eyes open. I love you, but you’re going straight to bed.”
He grumbled against yours lips as you pressed yours to his, “I just need a cup of coffee.”
“And six hours of sleep.” You patted his cheek, before taking ahold of his hand and leading him down the hall to your bedroom. “Come on.”
“Fine.” He sighed, kicking off his shoes and ridding himself of his jeans and his shirt.
You both climbed back into bed, sinking down beneath the covers comfortably. “Maybe this afternoon we can explore my dreams and watch some telenovelas together.” You told him, playing your fingers through his hair as he rested his cheek against your shoulder.
Javier ran his hand over your stomach, “Sounds like a plan, baby.”
You kissed his forehead, “You’re exhausted. They’ve had you out every night this week.”
“It’s bullshit.” Javier huffed, his breathing evening out, despite his ire. “It’s been a hectic week.”
“Even the paper load has been doubled.” You pointed out, “Not that it's comparable.”
He rubbed your stomach reassuringly, “You do important work too, baby. Don’t put yourself down.”
“I miss being out in the field,” You sighed, letting your lips linger against his forehead as you spoke. “But I don’t see how I’d manage in this state.” You gestured to your stomach.
“Baby, you’re gorgeous.” Javier told you, pressing a kiss to your cheeks, his breath hot against your skin as he sighed sleepily. “I don’t think I say that nearly enough.” He murmured, his voice heavy as his hand slowed its strokes against your stomach.
“You say it every day, Javi.” You reminded him with a soft laugh, winding your fingers through his hair. “Sleep.”
“I am.” He murmured, growing still beside you. You could feel the way his body relaxed, slowly at first, but then more apparently as sleep took ahold of him. You weren’t that tired, but it was awfully nice just to lay there in his arms.
You still couldn’t believe this was your life sometimes. How many nights had you spent wondering what it would be like to be with Javier? Of course, in those fantasies you weren’t heavily pregnant. You’d never really envisioned yourself pregnant before.
The reality wasn’t terrible, just different. At least Javier was understanding. So understanding. The man would do anything you asked him to do, if it meant making your pregnancy a little bit easier.
Of course, there were still things that he couldn’t do. He couldn’t comfort you during the day when your hormones got the best of you and everything upset you. He couldn’t be there every night — not when the DEA kept sending him on assignment every night.
But you made it work. You lived for these moments. The ones just like this.
Even if he slept the whole day, it would be a damned good day because you weren’t alone.
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Text
A Decade and a bit
*Trigger warnings*
*18+ content*
It’s been about 12 years since I met a guy and ended up pregnant. I wanna say it was a choice, but it most certainly was not on purpose. I remember finding out, and being so afraid he would leave; telling my mom the same, just to have her blow up at him. Funny because now, I look back, wishing he’d have left right then and there. For the next 11 years it was bound to be hell; and all I can think is, how did I do this to myself? How did I allow this all to happen to me? How was I too blind to know I deserved better? I don’t know but still to this day, it haunts me, and unfortunately 60% of the time, I still don't believe I deserve better. February 2010 my daughter was conceived, honestly I was so happy, excited even. I remember hearing her first heartbeat, he wasn't there. I remember walking home with the biggest smile on my face, and feeling so stupid at the same time, walking around with this big weird smile on my face. She was a blessing. In the very beginning I decided I would raise her right, and try my best to build her up and make her strong. My mom always put me down, told me I couldn’t do anything. Well, she, that’s another whole different fricking story. Being pregnant was amazing, feeling baby move and just patiently waiting. I got lucky and didn’t even have bad morning sickness or pains or anything. Months roll around and these little red flags popped up but for some reason I was blind to them till later. I guess I just can handle a lot of shit. 6 maybe 7 months pregnant and we were walking somewhere, and i remember him like pulling me along and rushing me, and I was just so pregnant that I was getting stitches and it hurt, but he didn’t care cuz we had somewhere to be. I don’t even remember where, but the red flags came more and more, and I ignored them all. Not wanting to feel like I was an ass for thinking he was being an ass. He was an ass, and it only got worse and maybe I was an ass too, I don't think I'm innocent here, maybe we are both victims. I remember the day my daughter was born. I remember staying in Edmonton at his dad’s, doing the waiting game. November 23 2011, at 4:30 am, I remember waking him up and telling him that I was counting my contractions and I thought it was time. Now, after previously wishing he’d have left at the very beginning, this here is the next moment I wish we’d have separated and never turned back. Okay and first I have to say, this wasn’t one of those pregnancies where u end up going into the hospital ten times and just unsure. I went in once, around my due date to get induced, a week later, here we are. he looks at me, half asleep, and says “okay, well you go, and call me from the hospital if it’s time.” I wish i had walked out the door and let him miss it, sure seems like he didn’t even wanna be there. I have heard a lot of pregnancy stories, and I for one, had it easy. I went in at 4:30 am and had her by noon, with no complications. And while in the state I was in I sure would have liked to sleep, but here I’m looking over and he’s sleeping on the cot. Not enduring this with me, sleeping up to the very last moment. Just feels like the majority of these moments I look back and he wasn’t there. I thought the first couple years were good with the three of us, but I keep remembering things. Within the first year and a half of having her, I remember getting into an fight, and I remember him throwing a chair and being so afraid every time he would come near me. I’m pretty passive, until someone comes at me all aggressive. Honestly, this isn’t even the worst. Well, I’m not going to lie, in the first year or two with my daughter I spent a lot of nights going out to the bar, and he was pretty good about staying home with her, I mean even if he was just gunna sit and play video games all night anyways. I loved the bar. I loved the music, the way I felt so free and so good. Unfortunately, it got out of control. Maybe it had been so long since I felt the sparks of someone just simply touching a shoulder. A touch that didn't make me cringe, and I will tell you, if it makes you
cringe, I swear to god, go with your gut. Anyways, so I ended up way to drunk, and I ended up making out with the wrong guy. I remember feeling so good but so bad. I have a pretty good conscience, so I came clean. And boy did I eat shit. Well deserved I know, I crossed a line, maybe broke him, I'm not sure. I have never been more sorry in my life. And from that day on I basically quit drinking, we split up, kind of. I wanted that attachment so at this point I was basically willing to do whatever it took to get him back. To get him to see that I could change and i could be better. After a few months of doing these things I absolutely hated doing, he left and called me name after name after name. Letting me in just enough to get the good feels, then shoving my down in the ditch to drown, because for all i knew, that's what i deserved after what i did. 6 months apart, he’s living in Edmonton with his brother, unfortunately his brother was quite a mess at times too. Couldn't hold up his end, the bills were too much and my ex, well he needed help. So, he finally decided to let me back in. I remember the day we drove to Edmonton, it was February 2014, it was still winter and the winds were so bad, my mom didn't even wanna drive. It was like sign after sign after sign. The winds were like 100km winds, semi’s were blowing off the roads, and yet, I went. It was fine for a while, the three of us all living in one room, until one night my ex is at work, and his brother gets wasted and just starts getting so mad, clearly I just don't deal with aggression well. My ex came home and we ended up having to leave cuz his brother was on house arrest. He lost his job too for leaving to deal with our family crisis. We ended up grabbing everything we could from this place, losing a lot because all we could take was what we could take on the train with us. We managed to find another place, again all three of us living in one room sharing a house with a few Filipino people, they were pretty cool. The fighting never dulled or stopped. It was always something. I remember once being shown a Facebook account, with a Latino name and being assured that i had a fake Facebook account. The only thing was, it wasn't me. I will tell you another thing, a really shitty feeling, is when you're defending yourself persistently for something you didn't even do. Being told over and over again that your wrong when you know you're right. Being told I cheated with someone I never had. The landlord ended up selling the place so we found some roommates to move in with, another couple who had kids. These people were, intense to say lightly. Some what the same though, She couldn't leave without being harassed to come back home and deal with the kids. At this point I couldn't even see my best friend, because she had guys with her. I remember her coming to town and asking me to go to Red’s or something, and it was just such a fight to let me go. Are there guys? He didn't want me to go, and i remember swearing up and down that it wasn't his fault that I wouldn't go. He eventually did let me go, but when i came home it was assumptions and accusations. Seems like after this point every time i left the house, to go to work, to anything, I always walked back in to assumptions and accusations. I remember getting phone calls at work, with him screaming at me, and my coworkers just looking at me like I'm fucked. I wish I knew why I put up with it all. At this point I've probably been solely providing for my family for at least 4 years, since he lost that job. It was so hard to make ends meet with 13 dollars an hour and i just wore myself out. Sadly those were the days, i would ask my boss if i could stay longer, just so I didn't have to go home. This is where things really took a turn, because it wasn't just things I was doing anymore. Now its things someone else is doing, some stranger logging into his games and apps with convenient names to harass and make him feel bad. Which, I don’t know, I still to this day see as coincidences. Maybe I was wrong for not supporting him, I
honestly didn't know how. After all the times, I honestly felt like I would be lying if I said I believed it, and I had no one to talk to. I had already lost touch with reality. One day, the fight got so bad, I will never forget this day, it severely haunts me, and I pray I never get treated this way again. I don't even remember what we were fighting about, but it was bad, there were things thrown everywhere, glass smashed all over the place, my favorite things all broken. I remember standing in the kitchen while he picked up the weeks worth of garbage in the can and dumped it on me, and called me trash. And people wonder why I have no self worth, because I dealt with shit like this for too long. I broke. After the trash it was bong water, all over my Chili Peppers shirt stained with resin for life. I remember this was close to my daughters birthday. I was making her a cake and he threw that everywhere. I still have the video of the way the house looked. Whore, cunt, bitch, stupid. I pray that no one ever gets put down in this way. And fuck me, I still went back to him. Still allowed him another chance for what I don't know. With my mom and my best friend telling to leave, I justified it. Relationships are hard they take work, but hun not this much. Her birthday comes and he sits in his room the whole day. I don't remember the fight after that, the only thing I do remember was my daughter and niece in the living room probably only 4 and5 and he picked up my PlayStation and just threw it flat down right in front of them, and they looked so scared. At this point I’m yelling at him to get the fuck out. Do something to me that's one thing, I can take it a lot better than those poor little kids, whom had done nothing. As he was walking up the stairs I said his name and he turned around. I punched him in the face, and that was the first time I had ever hit anyone in the face ever. Its weird, I get to a point where I've had enough but then I'm okay and decide I guess I can handle a little more I don't know maybe it will be better, they say things get better… they didn't. I think it was 2017 when he finally moved back to our old town. Not long after I followed, I guess I just couldn't give myself the time to find something better, someone better. Ended up moving back in with him. This time, was the last time. This argument was horrid. Not as bad as having bong water and garbage dumped on you, but words have a way of sticking in the brain. Another fight i don't remember at all what I did, but I remember sitting on the deck begging my friend to come get me, when he throws a bag of roast beef sandwich meat at me and says my cunt smells. This guy has torn me down in every way possible. I honestly don't even have a clue as to how to rebuild myself. I wanted to leave the meat behind on the bed, with a note “ For when you start to miss me” I wish I had, but I guess I just didn't want to sink that low. I didn't realize how low I was already sinking. When he wanted sex that was it, he was either gunna belittle me until I just laid there and took it or he’d go watch porn and grope me while I tried to ignore it all. Honestly this is my biggest pain. I never want to feel what that feels like ever again. Lets be clear, he never once actually hit me, before he had pushed the back of the rocking chair and basically thrown me out of it, and this last time, he put his hand on my face and he shoved me. And I don't know why, but that's when I really broke. I walked out that door and never came back. We tried to be friends later, but it was too hard. He would try to kiss me and honestly cringe, to having to turn away to block a kiss u don't want. I so nicely explained how hard we tried and that we just had to let go. Spent a few months doing a lot of molly together. Before I realized I was sinking again, this time to molly. She felt so good. Gave me that feeling I wanted. Peace in my heart. No worries. No anger. Nothing. Peace. Just over two years separated and I honestly hope he leaves our lives and doesn't come back. I am sorry, that he misses
out on his kid, but I cannot fathom the idea of her going through the same tragedies I have. Today, I have anxiety, severe depression, mostly likely BPD, 60% of the time I feel like I'm drowning, or wish I was. I cant work, I hate going out for fear of people thinking and seeing me the way he did. All of those things he said have shaped the way I see myself and its so sad. One day, I hope I find my worth. And you, remember to love yourself more than anything else. I didn’t and it destroyed me. I had all the chances in the world to turn my life around, don’t miss yours.
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