#its like 3am here and im EXHAUSTED

[buqbite]

Some sketches to remind myself how to draw link again (ft. Zelda)

#They call it legend of zelda because getting to actually see zelda for longer than 20 minutes a game is a distant legend from the past #Link you are So BBG I cant WAIT to see you again #loz #legend of zelda #botw #breath of the wild #totk #tears of the kingdom #link #zelda #my art #I dont thinj I can describe what it does to me that link now runs around with his hair open. #I was and am OBSESSED with hiz hair bc its sk #o. #scnrunkly #I #Guys can you see that I'm bareky fucking conscious #its like 3am here and im EXHAUSTED

[fushiguro-megloomy]

I hate anxiety I hate anxiety I hate anxiety!!!

#its 3am and i work in the morning #i was nearly sleeping #then my body was like haha bet #heres a panic attack #im so exhausted man i just wanna go to bed #GAD #generalized anxiety disorder

[missingn000]

#YOOO MY CONFERENCE PRESENTATION WENT GREAT #i was nervous as fuck lmao but everyone was super nice and i got great questions & feedback #feeling epic and sexy but in an intellectual way #IM SOOOOO EXHAUSTED BABYGIRLS ive been up since 3am[: met up with the girlies (my academic colleagues) #at 7am and been with them all day until dinner & #got invited out for drinks after #i dont drink but it was nice to be invited #but by this point im like. almost in tears from exhaustion #shoutout to my advisor for seeing the pain in my eyes and being like #'haha i think [redacted real name] is gonna celebrate by getting a good night's sleep!' #i would die for you king i hope you know that #NOW I CAN CHILL FOR THE REST OF THE CONFERENCE WOOOO #ok. ok. Ok. gonna watch jjk baseball ep and maybe futurama and pass out. jetlag so bad smh #surviving on 1 hour of sleep and a 20 minute nap i took on the bathroom floor before my presentation #gn probably. its 9pm here

[kyopmi]

i just want to rant a little EW feel free to ignore this i just needed a void to yell at <3

#for the past week especially ive been so anxiety-riddled because of a some deadlines and exams #but its like the universe hates me sm </3 (am i being dramatic? yes probably) #like my skin has been breaking out #my atopic dermatitis was flaring up #ive been losing so much sleep #like i just cannot fall asleep bcs i keep worrying if i can make the deadline or pass my exams until im absolutely exhausted at like 4-5am #and everytime im on my phone on tumblr or a game or other social media to distract myself from the anxiety i just feel guilty #for not being productive #but anyway i got some things done today and i think im a little calmer now #so i dont feel like im simultaneously numb and but also had 10 shots of caffeine at anymore #and i want to catch up on here too sobs #but it IS 3am rn bcs i accidentally took a nap at like 8pm oopsie #i think #i just need to get through the next two weeks or so preferably with all my tasks completed #idk if im less anxious or if ive just reached the acceptance stage LMAO #but anywayss hello if ure reading this!! sorry for the negativity and i hope ur day is going well!!! #u can click away and pretend u never saw this post now <33

[sunnyvaler]

I should sleep but im just thinkin ab kurt and his stupid little 🥺 face

#ooc. #idk if mich.ael intended it in the way he played kurt but hes the most puppy dog eyed fucker ive ever seen #the way he looks at nick. either mich.ael was playing him gay or the actors had real life chemistry nc #*bc how r u gonna look at him like that and it not be kinda gay. how is that not intentional #hes so fucking 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 i want to squeeze him #its 3am and im absolutely exhausted but here i am

[sphylor]

hey, mind sharing some kitty dew thoughts? please im obsessed

oh i would love nothing more than to share kitty Dew thoughts!! so here are some headcanons under the cut because i am just as obsessed over him as you are:

kitty Dew is nonverbal. he can talk if he needs to but he can only manage a few basic words at a time and it is very exhausting for him so the other ghouls have learned how to communicate with him in other ways. he communicates mostly through chirps, chitters, meows, purring, mrrps, hissing yowls and other noises. he also uses body language to get his meaning across. various tail flicks and flagging are used to show different emotions as well as general posture and movement.

he does the slow blink thing that cats do to show affection and trust.

he makes biscuits on the other ghouls when feeling comfy and content.

he LOVES his fishy girlfriend but HATES the water and so he'll sit on the dock or at the edge of the lake and watch Rain like how cats watch fish in a fishtank. he has jumped in the lake, forgetting that he hates water and then scrambling to get back out, hissing all the way, many times... Rain will surface every now and then to check that he's ok (and also because he cant stand to stay away from Dew for too long lets face it) and Dew will gently bap him on the nose every time.

kitty Dew just likes to bap everyone and it can mean so many different things. it can be out of affection, curiosity (he bapped Mountain's glasses right off his face when he got new ones), annoyance, etc.

he also likes to bite. like, A LOT. when he gets too overwhelmed with emotion he will most likely bite the nearest person. its almost never enough to actually pierce the skin (almost) and is usually caused by too many positive things rather than negative. for example: when Dew's getting doted on by the other ghouls and he's getting a bit too much positive attention he just has to release that in some way... and Aether has the scars to show for it hshbjfhbjh.

he'll "cry" (not in the human sense but in the cat sense) if he's left on his own for too long but then once people come to join him he is just not at all interested in their attention and will most likely get up and go somewhere else. he will of course start "crying" again because he's on his own and the cycle will repeat.

he can be incredibly clingy when he wants to be, though. sometimes he will choose a ghoul to follow around for the day and he rarely grasps the concept of personal space. he is going EVERYWHERE with whoever he has chosen to follow around that day.

he loves to be doted on by the others. he loves the attention. he is just an adorable kitty and can do no wrong in their eyes. even when he knocks things over on purpose or gets a case of the 3am zoomies he knows that all he has to do is look up at them and meow oh so sweetly and they will fawn over him and coddle him and all will be forgiven.

he LOVES scritches at the base of his horns.

and lastly:

kitty Dew will fall asleep on people and will get upset if they have to move:

Swiss: "Dew, buddy, I need to go piss. You gotta get up."

Dew: Glares up at Swiss

Swiss: "-or I can just hold it in. Yeah, I'll hold it."

Dew: Gives a content little mrrp and goes back to napping

#kitty dew #dewdrop ghoul #nameless ghoul headcanons #i love him so much your honour he is just a little guy a little kitty #the kitty Dew brainrot is so unbelievably strong you have no idea #i will gladly talk about kitty Dew all day long if i could

[littlemissfasd]

Not edited, i write this at like 3am and i was sick so..if theres mistakes..shhh.

I look out the window, the rain pouring and smashing against the windows calms me. The storms have been harsher this winter. They've ruined our crops, lucky we had stocked up on canned stuff. I stare out the window for a while before noticing a person stumbling through the farm land, my eyes widen seeing the person's tattoo. "Ellie?" I gasp, i sprint out the door seeing her collapse to the floor "oh my god!" I collapse next to her, placing my hand on her cheek. She's covered in dirt, blood and bruises and she looks exhausted. "I need to get you inside okay?" She lets out a low sound, i wrap my arm around her waist pulling her up to her feet.

"Come on, i got you." I practically drag her up onto the deck, when i feel her entire body weight fall on me i know she's passed out, i groan and drag her onto the couch laying her down "hey, wake up for me love." I say, her eyes flutter open but she cant keep them open.

"Shit.." i whisper "i need you to sit up okay? I need to clean you." She lets out a groan as i pull her up, my heart breaks seeing her so weak. God damnit tommy. I shake my thoughts away knowing it's not fair to blame him. If he had just..let it go. "Arms up." I pull her shirt over her head leaving her only in a bra, she has a large bite mark on her stomach along with scrapes and bruises. "Jesus el.." her eyes open and stare at me "i..im sorry." She whispers, i shake my head.

"Lets get you in the shower okay." She nods and lets me practically drag her into the bathroom. I sit her down on the tiled floor and help her undress, she says nothing the only thing that leaves her mouth is gasps and cries as her entire body aches. I turn on the shower, her head tips back letting the water hit her face. I run my hand through her wet hair, letting the dirt fall to the floor.

She hums quietly as i move the shower head, wiping her neck and chest. "I-it hurts" she whispers, her voice cracking, i nod and gently clean it "I know, i'm sorry. I've got to get you cleaned babe." She coughs, a mix of phlegm and blood lands in her hand, i give her a worried look to which she shakes her head, placing her hand under the water to get rid of the fluids.

I go down, wiping her things and legs, the bruises on her knees are forming in an angry manner "almost done." I say, finishing up. She leans her hands on her knees letting out a shaky breathe, she lets her head fall against my stomach "I'm so sorry" she whispers, i can feel the warm water seeping through my shirt as i run my fingers through her hair.

"Don't apologise el." I let her lean against me, feeling her entire body shake. "I lost my ring." She mumbles, i look down and see she is in fact not wearing her wedding ring. "Its okay, i'm sure we can find another one." I assure her, she looks up at me her eyes are glassy and puffed up from the amount of tears shes cried. "Really?" I smile and cup her cheek "Really."

Her eyes light up slightly, i kneel down and her forehead leans against mine "I shouldn't have gone.." she admits, her voice cracks as the tears try to escape.

"You did what you had to do." I wrap a towel around her, she doesn't seem to notice and stares blankly instead.

"Can we go to bed?" She asks, it almost sounds like a beg. "Yeah of course." I pick her up, she winces as my cold hands hit her warm body. I walk us through the hall and into our bedroom, she leans her head against me "here." I mumble, laying her down on the bed, wrapping her favourite blanket around her.

"Stay..please" she whispers holding onto my wrist, i nod and lay beside her "I'm not going anywhere" my arm wraps around her loosely careful not to hurt her.

"I couldn't do it." She whispers.

"You couldn't..what?" I ask, she lets out a sigh and holds my hand tightly.

"I had her.. i had her right there.. but i..couldn't do it."

Abby is still alive. Her leaving was a meaningless thing. I told her note to go. God damnit tommy. I think.

I let out a sigh and place a kiss on her head.

"It's okay.." is it?

She picked revenge over me. I begged her to stay. Hell i screamed at tommy for putting the idea back in her head.

"You don't have to stay..y'know" her voice is weak, her body tenses slightly.

"You're my wife el. I'm not going to leave you. Not now. Not ever" I move slightly and feel the heat radiating off her "You're burning up." I mumble, moving the blanket off her.

She reaches up, placing her hand on the back of my neck her eyes dart between my lips and my eyes "i love you, y'know that?" I smile "well you married me so i would hope so." She lets out a laugh and leans up placing a gentle kiss on my lips, i pull her up towards me allowing her to deepen the kiss.

Instead, she pulls away looping a few strands of my hair around her bruised hands "I'm sorry..for everything." My eyes soften, my thumb moves back and forth on her bare skim "i know. I know love."

Her eyes harden before she giggles, i give a puzzled look as laughter takes over her "what?" I ask, genuinely confused.

"I'm fully fucking naked." She laughs looking down at her naked body, i giggle with her.

"Eh its a good look on you." I comment, my hands travel up her side forcing a small shiver from her.

"I missed this, i missed you." She admits, blushing slightly as if she's embarrassed. "Promise me you're not mad."

"I'm not mad, love. I mean i was for a while but.. your alive. Your here." My hand intertwines with hers.

A small smile creeps onto her face as she nods slowly.

"So we're okay?" She asks for reassurance.

Instead of answering i slip my ring onto her finger, turning over and wearing my engagement ring instead. She smiles at the gesture, pulling me in for a kiss. This time it was needy and passionate, her hands slip under my shirt, she moans softly as i bite on her lip before pulling away.

"When im healed.. i'm going to fuck the hell out of you." She says point blank making me laugh.

"Well hurry up and heal then, asshole."

#joel miller #the last of us #tlou2 #tlou hbo #ellie williams #ellie x reader #ellie x fem reader #tommy miller #apocalypse #wlw love

[scarsmood]

clinical lycanthropy

Content warning: abuse, violence, symptoms of delusions and trauma

I wanted to document my experience with clinical lycanthropy so people may understand exactly what it encompasses for me as an individual. My experience is going to vary from others but typically i think people are under the impression you mental shift or experience transformation on a non physical level.

Since I can’t afford therapy (we love america) it has come back since mine is based in trauma. Without trauma therapy it has come back.

Here’s what I experience:

Pseudoseizures- often to me feel like left over energy from trying and failing to shift. I get those twice a day now.

Nervous system overstimulation- my highly sensitive nerves are more raw and on end than usual because of the stress from shifting every night and turning into an animal

Emotional ups and downs- my emotions are more animalistic and raw. You cry some days you snarl at people. Its very hard for me to control my emotions and impulsivity since im tired and have the urge to turn into an animal that can’t perceive consequences

No more late nights- my clock for friends stops at 9pm now. Typically i used to stay out till 2-3am but now I have to be in a designated safe space by 9pm. I have 2 hours from when i first feel the urge to shift starts. That gives me time to either drive home or improvise and find somewhere safe for me to sleep.

Shifts- painful and disorienting. My m-shifted mind has its own set of values and associations to objects. I notice routine is the most benefit and anything related to my bed or my own smell is comforting since it means i was there before. My personality definitely anxious wolf type behavior. I’ve growled at walls because shadows make them look slightly different

Diet changes- I’ll eat more (ig that helps the developing eating disorder lol) i now crave blood and organ meat often and a lot, along with beef or goat. Though sometimes i just want water filled vegtables.

Exhaustion- staying up till 3am every night cause your a scared dog pacing its enclosure is not fun on your body. I am in pain often and tired more so.

Friend averse- I don’t wanna make friends. I don’t want to talk to people. I often want to cut any ties i can. This is due to the stickied add on to this delusion that a werewolf is a monster and it’s better people don’t interact with those. Touching and hugging takes much more of my tolerance now and i wouldnt be suprised if i snarled at someone now instead of just being polite

Sadism- hunting and killing animals at night is what my brain wants to do every night now. Issue being. Everything is an animal. It typically triggers when im starving and never ate that day. Some days i just want to eat anything i can. Including people. I do remember that i can recognize faces to some degree but its more like flipping a coin and not a garenteed thing.

Strained muscles- my werewolf self loves over excerting itself and doing stupid things. Sometimes seizures or particularly active nights i wake up with strained muscles.

Inability to understand human society- as this continues the passive inflection to understand how humans and human culture works will slowly leave me. Until i feel completely alien and rejected from society. This often turns to anger and anxiousness. Which can trigger day time shifts.

Inability to read, write and understand language- as time progresses i may slowly loose these abilities. During shifts I completely loose them until I wake up the next morning. I can learn commands similar to other animals but i cannot understand english if that makes sense.

Red eyes- I’m not at this point (yet) but as my delusion gets stronger it’ll come back. Red eyes is a trigger state while I’m m-shifted that is 100% rage. This is how I’ve attempted to attack and kill my previous partner due to abuse. Red eyes is fun that it isn’t an if but a when. Each shift that doesn’t trigger a red eyes moment adds onto the pressure to trigger a red eyes shift. Similiar to setting a bear trap each m-shift is another additional weight against the spring until it sets off. This in particular is why I stopped having irl friends before trauma treatment. As i am simply straight up dangerous to be around. Not even a muzzle is gonna fix that shit.

Chaotic mindset- my mental alignment typically shifts from content and chill to aggitated asshole. I may start passively picking fights or in general be harder to be around because i am just abrasive. This typically is most apparent with places like jobs or with strangers. I seem to usually be ok with friends.

I just like this song rn have it as a gift

In short? Being an actual werewolf is stressful. My suicide risk probably went up 70% if this keeps up. Because living in constant pain, fear and anxiety of a world you do not understand that is working against you is extremely stressful.

Would I ever recommend someone to try werewolf’ing? No

#delusion #clinical lycanthropy #otherkin #therian #endel #Spotify

[isekaisyouwithmyforearmlaser]

i feel disconnected from everything. i come into these bouts where im painfully aware of how alive i am and its immediately drowned out. i cant sleep without feeling like im fading. i get sleep paralysis so when i manage to be asleep i feel utterly trapped. but being awake is so exhausting. like im walking around and working and paying but im alive and its such a miracle and yet im treated so poorly or have been i only rmemeber so much but my body remembers sooo much more. a couple of nights ago i cut up an apple as a snack for my little sister and didnt think anything of it until i looked down at the apples as i was giving it to her and all of a sudden had this intense fear and had a panic attack afterwards and couldnt sleep until 3am. likr WHAT? OVER AN APPLE? no idea. i remembered something but my brain immediately blocked it out. and its like. one day, i wont be alive. and i will rest. and i know then i will be safe because i will be back with god. i dont knkw what that will be like but i feel like its soft and warm and envelopes you. i feel trapped in my body. im so tired. i was aware that i was on mh bed and im sick rn and cna barely move. and i work so hard all the timr and varely sleep anymkre. and i dont talk to any of my friends anymkre cause i have a kid and im working onstantly and they are put in college or finishing college and travelling and i feel like, not trapped per say, i love my family and i actually am happy, and im not lost, i just deel like. im in thebback of my head. im just constantly working and i cant aleep anymore. and i dont eat well. and i always have headaches and im sore. i feel weird. and i get scared and pray when i start becoming aware. of everything. and lately i feel cold. before i would feel god and i still know god is there but i just feel cold right now. and i dont think its thst god isnt with me, i think i feel so inside myself and pushed away and im closing my eyes and plugging my ears and curled up in a vall constantly. im not here. do you know? like i dont know how else to describe this. its exhausting keeling my eyes open anymkre but im so afraid to go to sleep because if i pass no one would be here to take care of my family.

[jupio]

tl;dr my uni house sucks absolute fucking ass and its been building but one things happened today and it has. tipped me over the edge. so its either write it out or scream

i just want. one fucking week in this house where noone does anything that makes me want to beat the shit out of them

we had a couple silverfish earlier this week so i put my houseplants on a window sill in the shared hall outside my room because of the damp. this was 4 days ago and i havent watered them since so they should be bone dry. 

last night i went to bed first but the other people who live here decided to stay up and get drunk

i got my plants back in today because there havent been anymore silverfish and went to water and prune them but when i leant in closer to the first one i noticed two things. 

1. the soil was soaked through and messy 2. it fucking stank of piss

so yknow i dont want to jump to conclusions but what other fucking conclusions are there here. someone in this god fucking awful house thought it would be funny to take one of my plants and piss in it for fucking what??? for the laughs???

theyve poured wine on my dishes, they broke my kitchen scales, theyve screamed and tried to break and kick in my door at 4 in the morning when high on ket, theyve made fun of me to my face, theyve made fun of my hobbies, they make snide comments where i can tell i’m being made fun of but i cant work out what i’ve said wrong, theyve slammed doors at every hour of the fucking night for weeks, they scream up and down the stairs at 3am, they call me boring, they call me stupid and autistic and unfunny and bitchy and nit-picky and overly sensitive and i am so fucking SICK of trying to live here

every day i am masking so hard that i’m even more irritable and i go to bed exhausted and full of anxiety because i know!! i know everytime i leave a room they all look at each other like oh thank god ollie’s gone we can finally be offensive and i’m not sleeping properly, and i’m always on edge in my own home. i cant relax here ever

and idk. someone else might take this less seriously and brush it off. but i cant and i’m tired of trying to explain to them that maybe its funny to prank each other but when you fuck with my stuff it’s not funny, it completely derails my expectations of things and especially with adhd my reactions to things can be out of proportion. so its not funny at all. im just so angry that im shaking and i want to beat the shit out of someone. so no, i dont take well to it, and im not gonna laugh and deal with it, im gonna cry, and react like a kid. and then noone is having any fun because everyone acts like its so awkward that im upset when really they could just be normal fucking decent people and leave me the hell alone.

and now i have to try and deal with this and i have no fucking clue how im even meant to approach it. “hi guys, just wondering who pissed in my beloved trailing ivy? it was £25 so would love some financial compensation and also for you to hold still so i can break your fucking nose!” 

i dont even know if i should just leave it because its just not worth it. i dont even care if im a pushover at this point i am so. tired. of trying to make them respect me as a person. thats what it feels like, it feels like they dont even see me as a person they just see me as a fucking circus freak.

the plants still in my room. i dont even know what to do with that. i dont want to touch it because just touching the pot made my hands smell. so just everytime i look up i get upset and scared and angry all over again because its right there. and im 90% sure i know who did it but if i confront him about it he’ll do that thing where people go cmon its just a joke why are you being so sensitive? jeez, lighten up its not a big deal and ill look stupid and sensitive and different like i always do

ive got 4 more months of living here and then i am fucking gone and i am never speaking to these people again. 

#you know its bad if its getting me to re-consider moving back in with my parents #this is. a kinda long and very angry rant but honestly im shaking right now so its warranted #local old man #vent post

[y0un1ce]

3:43am

Regrettably Drunk

Modern au; Venti x Fem!Oc (Miriam) (Can be read as x reader or x y/n idc)

Cw; Drinking, Unrequited but maybe Requited love, Fluff to Angst/No comfort, cursing, oh and also implied xiaoven but not rlly official but lingering feelinsg between them that wont appear here.

Note; I haven't written in a long time and its kinda shitty. This is also not read proof bc it is clearly 3am

—

Its about 1:50 am. It's clearly midnight now with the dark sky covering the world and its splattered stars in the sky kissing its smallest light on to the ground. Down below there are miriads of houses and with one of it having loud booming yet muffled music and closer look there are crowds of people all ages and gender there- except literal children obviously- and just a blocks away from the house there could be seen a silver colored car parked on the side of the road.

And that certain silver car has our two destined people who start this story. With a close look inside, there are two people sitting at the back of the car, the smaller of the two, Venti, had black hair with two braids on the side of his face showing a visible gradient of teal hair dye and his outfit, a white collar shirt popping up underneath the teal sweater and loose black pants with one having a loose thread and ending with a pair of teal converses. And who is visibly holding a bottle of what seems to be a wine bottle at the tips of two of his fingers that was barely holding on whilst laying the back of his body to someone whos trying to remove the bottle.

Now the taller of the two, Miriam, had her hazel hair put up as a bun with several strands of the front of her hair fell and her outfit being an orange wrap shirt with bell sleeves showing beautifully sewed light orange flower designs clearing showing her stomach and a small view of her top half and paring with a black pencil skirt with a few flowers sewed onto trim of the pockets and ending with some parker boots that had few scratches on the bottom of the boots. And who is trying to stop the small man ontop of her from drinking too much and who is also practically vibrating inside on how close they are too each other.

"He-hey! I, uh I promise I won't drink too muuuch" Venti whined to Miriam clearly trying to take another sip from the said drinkable wine bottle. "Venti we've been over this—! Hey! I saw that- your dumb charms wont work on me" Venti trying to persuade Miriam into giving back the bottle by giving her a quick kissnon the cheek that tends to work in his favour. "Come oooon, please, please, hic pretty pleeeeeeease? I hic really do promise to noooo-t! Drink evah againn- just please on mworhe sip!" Venti drunkly ended his sentence with a pop before again trying to take the bottle back before he visibly felt Miriam behind his back move forward to put the bottle under the front passengers seat.

"H-ey!" "Venti please I'm trying to hel—! Hey stop that and listen! Im trying to help you with this drinking problem, and also that shits not gonna work on me again now!" Miriam was internally and externally exhausted with Venti being drunk and the partying too much taking effect even tho she was fully sober. If you were to put a peeved exhausted Miriam next to an apple there wouldnt be a difference. After a few seconds of silence from Venti, Miriam was getting worried considering she never had experienced a quiet Venti before. "You know.. you're really pretty hic like a freshly picked rose, ehe, that's so clicheee" Venti confided to Miriam, his head laying on her chest had been moved as well his body to be straightened a little with a slight slouch and his head turned to her with a slight tilt to it and with a dumb smirk with droopy eyes that were a bit red eyed.

What "What?" Miriam craved for an answer to what the hell did he intend with that unexpected sentence. Miriam wasnt blushing from peeved exhaustion anymore, she was now blushing with the blood rushing to her face from that really flattering comment from her supposed friend and was she going crazy or was her heart spiking weirdly and her breathe hitching a little. "Eheh— come oooon- I can just shee-shay it to youu! You ar-are hic reallyyy reallyyyy! Prettyy.." Venti specified, his body wasnt turned slightly anymore but now the front of his body was facing her now with his arms interlocked at the back of her head and his knee was ontop in the middle of her legs and the other at the lazily on the bottom. Miriam was practically melting on the inside feeling the pit of lava that is called infatuation growing hotter and hotter in her she felt so bashful and embarrassed from this out of nowhere sort of confession from the guy she liked for a year.

"That's- uhm- That's re-really flattering Venti—" Miriam was cut off her sentence by the sudden movement of Venti's arms sliding suspiciously farther until her eyes looked back from the floor to him seeing him much closer to him than before with the back of his slightly arched. "You- you look hic much prettier like this.." Venti quietly settled, now mesmerized by each freckle on her face they were like the stars to him. Miriam felt her heart spike greatly and felt a twinge of fear and some kind of anticipating from how close they were if venti just slowly slid his arms farther then theyre lips would meet- oh god now all she's gonna think is about Venti's lips now! But then again this isnt the first time thinking about his lips.

"He-hey Miriam.." "Yeah?"

There was a couple beats of silence until Venti hazily looked up at Miriam with doopy dreamy look on his face that made him look too ethereal and what he said next made Miriam's anticipating heart burst.

"Can I.. kiss you?"

Miriam's heart felt like it had escaped it's shell and was jumping in joy with fireworks bursting out of every cell in her body to make her feel ecstasy but she remembered that she's still in the moment of his question and hadnt answer yet. "Yes! I me- mean, yes you- uh can.." Miriam bashfully answered, now there was a pause of silence between them. Venti removed one of his arms behind miriams neck and slide it onto the side of Miriams face cupping her cheek, making Miriam anticipate again until both of their eyelids flutter down and have their lip meet by the softest and warmest impact onto one another. The kiss to Miriam was practically what she imagined back then even now and it was still that relaxing and yet exciting feeling to well- feel.

The kiss lasted for a few seconds and yet those lasting seconds to Miriam left her a flustered yet loving look when her eyelids hazily opened back still trying to catch that last moment of what was left lf his lips. "Eheh.. I guess I can deduct that hic you are a good kisser.. Xiao.." Venti Drunkily mused. Venti turned back to his first position with his back facing Miriam and going take a hazily nap ontop of her. Miriam felt her ecstatic heart fall back to its cocoon and she felt so fucking stupid, what was she thinking, no what the fucking was she even thinking in the first place that someone like Venti would like her back, it was so fucking stupid to hope or even dream for it. And to think that even for a moment that maybe just maybe Venti couldve like her back, what did Xiao have that she didnt, thinking now alot of things Xiao could do better that stupid fucking Miriam.

"I love you Venti, I hope one day that your future lover would have the courage to say it too." Miriam softly spoke now accepting and to also smile softly with a single tear letting go like this infatuation with Venti. It's 2:00am now.

Her heart felt so fucking painful, she obviously notice her vision going hazy from the tears building up on her eyelids she didnt care now that her cheeks were streamed with wet and felt like lava tears to her. She was so hopeful, but no, the fucking world decided to give her a good kick and decided that the guy she loved loved to be paired with the most incomparable best person for him to be with its so fucking unfair. Miriam looked down at Venti who snores softly with his head at her chest, she couldn't help but move a braid of his hair behind his hair just to look at his face one more time before it all changes to the way it was.

#genshin #genshin impact #venti #venti x oc #venti x you #venti x reader #venti angst #xiaoven is also metioned #idk i felt really sad #genshin impact angst #no comfort #genshin modern au #modern au #genshin headcanons #genshin imagines #genshin oc

[ownheartbeating]

Hi there! Secret Santa Swiftie here! my exam is finally over (and have none this weekend...have one next weekend) Sorry for not being active!!! How are you doing? Did you drink enough water? Also, I would like to know your top 5 taylor swift lyrics (im not gonna say from albums cuz ik its hard to pick from so many album) from midnights (3am tracks included and Hits Different!) anddddd CHRISTMAS IS NEAR!!! HOW ARE YOU FEELING?? (sorry for all caps..i dont mean to yell..its just me jumping up and down excitedly hehe)

hello!!!! good luck on your exam next weekend ahhh!! glad u have none this weekend!!!

hello i just drank water lol!! thanks for the reminder 🌼🥰

okay my top 5 midnights lyrics in no order:

1. and all the voices that implore, you should be doing more to you i can admit that i’m just to soft for all of it -sweet nothing (at first listen i didn’t like this song, but now i love it so much awhh)

2. you wouldn't take my word for it if you knew who was talking, if you knew where I was walking. to a house, not a home, all alone 'cause nobody's there. where I pace in my pen and my friends found friends who care. no one sees when you lose when you're playing solitaire. you should find another guiding light (guiding light), but I shine so bright. -dear reader (i know it’s long but i just love it so much 😭😭😭)

3. everything you lose is a step you take. so make the friendship bracelets, take the moment and taste it. you’ve got no reason to be afraid. you’re on your own, kid. yeah, you can face this -you’re on your own kid (this part is so comforting to me ahhhh)

4. the bridge of the great war 😭😭😭😭😭

5. and now that I'm grown, I'm scared of ghosts. memories feel like weapons. -WCS (this song hurt me)

YES christmas is near and i’m excited !! i finally have a break from work (1 day off lmao) and i’ve been really really drained and exhausted lately. and sleepy lol. so i am excited to just rest for a bit. and my anxiety has been getting the best of me this week, but i feel better so that’s good. i’m so happy you’re excited, it’s so cute 😭🫶🏻🫶🏻

#answered #santa swiftie #anonymous

[sashabearnf-blog]

Dont feel like another B. Dont feel like doing the dishes. Google search recommends journaling. So here we are. I mean, yes, of course I feel like another B...I just dont feel like it would help much...

Im emotionally exhausted. Im wired as well and up late.

Again, I hate myself...and my life. I feel like a failure. That doesnt mean I am, I know. I have a lot to be thankful for. I feel that way though. Very deeply.

*sigh*

Its 3am. I wonder if doing dishes would be too loud... I do have to do laundry. Ill go do that first. Then who knows...

Folded laundry. Ran a load. No dishes yet. Maybe a podcast will help.

[kyopmi]

med school (*ﾟﾛﾟ) omg. that must have been pretty exhausting as well?? ‹//3 im so proud that you've made it through, tho ( ˶ˆᗜˆ˵ ) only good things will happen from here on out ! ! >:))

pls i mean adulting in itself isn't TOO bad. its just the ✨ responsibility ✨ of everything. and plus i have the worst memory possible 😭💔 so it doesnt go hand-in-hand, at times...

hmm probably the nicest thing of moving into the city is that everything is so easily accessible?? there are city botanic gardens not even 5 mins from my apartment and i love love going grocery shopping on my own and just wondering about the supermarket while i listen to music through my headphones ! !

i have had problems with my neighbour early in the morning tho... he plays valorant at like 3am and squeals to his heart content pls T^T other than that, people are okay?? its the city though, you get occasional assholes, but thats expected anywhere

it's been (and still is) a journey🫠 but thank you so much bby!! sending you a big hug and all my love ♡(*>ω<)ω<*♡

there's definitely a lot more responsibility once you're living on your own :,)) maybe a simple agenda/to do list would help? hehe

A BOTANICAL GARDEN SOUNDS SO NICE!! and omg i love browsing the grocery store too, it's almost a therapeutic activity ✨ i hope your neighbor starts getting more rest at 3am tho :-) BUT i'm glad to hear you're enjoying living in the cityʕ≧ᴥ≦ʔ

#[incoming message] #[💬: niverine]

[mihai-florescu]

Mentally ill people and their stupid rituals. *breaks down*

#i cant get into bed if i dont shower before and like ily my friends who can just get under the covers without doing this- #but we're never gonna share a bed. im sorry i just Cant accept anything that was touched during the day in the bed #'oh but dont you not have a living room? what do u do?' i have a blanket that i only use to separate my day bed vs my night bed #and i refuse to touch it with my night bed pajamas bc thats a Day blanket #i also have day vs night plushies that get to be on the bed #if this seems exhausting to keep up with imagine youre me falling asleep at 10 in my day bed and waking up at 2am cuz i cant- #NOT sleep UNDER my covers so i just go take a shower at 3am just so i can get in my night bed #do you see the issue #the issue is that hypothetically lets say against all odds i manage to fall in love with someone. if they dont have the same Ritual- #its genuinely a deal breaker #Am I Actually Aro Or Do I Just Have A Lot Of Dealbreakers Cuz Of My Mental Illness Hmmm Lets End This Here For Now #i think both can be true #rant #ok to rb tho

[wollfling]

.

#mostly just complaining out in the open but im okay #feeling reflective over the past year. i feel like i wasnt actually here for any of it. i feel like ive forgotten most of it #but i feel like ive grown a little. in some places and not others. the growth is a little uneven i mean. #and as ive grown to understand myself a little more and why some things sting. there is relief in realizing the source of the hurt #but a lot of frustration that i cant ignore anymore. hard to explain #this year i also have come to learn that i dont know how to be angry #i havent understood my emotions as anger. in a strange way. cant explain that one very well either #but im slowly getting there... i dunno #but anyways. i think the most difficult thing to deal with is that im always hurting. i cant seem to get a break from it #and i feel it just ruining everything around me too i guess #but its physical hurting and i know its from emotion. and over the months the symptoms transform alongside whatever my head and heart think #and process through. lately im burning embers. thats what it feels like in my chest. heavy and hot and seeping smoke #but a few weeks ago it felt different and i was thinking different things. #ultimately i guess its just very annoying. feeling emotions physically. its so dumb lol #i dont rly wanna talk about it but i also want to mention it. silliest thing. #these days i think 'ouch' a lot in response to how my body feels because of all this. for months its just very annoying. #and situations and problems just continue to add themselves to the pile by the day & week it seems. tired exhausted etc. #despite it all ive remained outwardly calm and im just waiting. well #enough of my nearly 3am online complaining session. i hope to get some art done soon and if not that then sewing. just something #i need to create... anything! goodnight