#ive been dipping in and out of this for months and now im sick of looking at it so here you go lol

[cursedwoman1859]

Arm Candy (Silco/F!Reader)

“I need someone who can look pretty on my arm and be trusted not to make off with the silverware from a topsider estate. That’s you.” Silco needs a plus-one for a fancy topsider party. You don't really have a choice but to agree.

AO3 Link

Rating: Explicit (18+, MDNI)

Words: 5.8k

Content: Resolved sexual tension; semi-public sex; vaginal fingering; dirty talk; dubious business ethics

---

It wasn’t often you got called into Silco’s office first thing in the morning. You were a paper-pusher, not one of the battle-hardened henchmen who usually hung around the Last Drop, and your work mostly kept you at your desk. Calculations came as naturally to you as breathing, and you could crunch numbers faster even than Silco himself. In the few months you’d been working for the Eye of Zaun, you’d made yourself indispensable. You helped keep track of the Shimmer shipments going to and from Zaun, you effortlessly slipped the profits from the drugs business into the earnings from the various factories and bars and properties that Silco owned, and once a week you’d spend the evening alone in the office with your stern, exacting boss while you went over that week’s financial reports. Silco needed someone to cook his books, and you prided yourself on being the best damn chef in the undercity. You kept to yourself, you prayed he never noticed your furtive glances up at him when he was absorbed in his work, and you did not cause trouble.

So it was only natural that your stomach twisted itself into knots as you stepped into his office, and that those knots tightened when he looked up from the paper he was reading, his bicoloured stare pinning you and making your walk to stand in front of his desk feel like miles instead of metres.

“You wanted to see me, sir?” you said when you were near, and the way his eyes flicked over you, almost too quickly for you to notice, did nothing to calm you.

“I did,” he said, his chair creaking as he leaned back in it. You’d definitely never wondered if it could hold two people. “What are you doing tomorrow night?”

You could swear that sentence made your brain fritz like a faulty wire. “I, um—” Absolutely nothing was the real answer, but for some reason you didn’t want to admit that. “I made plans with…Ran and Dustin,” you said, saying the first names that came to your mind even though you’d never shared more than small talk with either of them.

Silco’s eyebrow raised as if he could see right through your lie. Which he probably could, because it was completely transparent. “Then cancel them. I need your help at an event.”

“What kind of…event?” you said, your mind reeling with all the things Silco could be alluding to. Shakedowns, back-alley deals, assassinations…

“Don’t look so frightened,” Silco said, taking a cigar from his ashtray and lighting it. He took a deep drag, letting the smoke billow around him as he spoke. “Are you familiar with Ko Shosu?”

It took you a moment to remember the name from some of the background research you’d carried out on Silco’s competitors. “Doesn’t he own that factory that makes gears or something?”

“The very same. He’s hosting a party at his residence topside tomorrow night and unfortunately, I’ll need to make an appearance. Shosu seems to think we’re acquaintances. And on top of that, I happen to know that one of his associates has run into some financial trouble as of late. His factory makes components that are essential to the Shimmer-tanks we’re developing. Now isn’t that a stroke of luck?”

“You want to get to this associate so you can get him to work with you?”

“Exactly. His name is Rupert Torek and he’s run up gambling debts with some very unsavoury people. I’m sure he’ll be cooperative once he realises I can lend him enough money to get himself out of debt before his wife finds out.”

You decided not to ask how Silco could have information like that on someone he’d never even met. For your sanity’s sake, it was better not to know. “And why do you need me, sir?”

It might have just been your imagination, but you could swear Silco looked you up and down again. Slower this time. “I thought that would be obvious. I cannot exactly show up to something like this alone. I need someone who can distract Torek’s wife so I can get five minutes alone with him, and who can look pretty on my arm and be trusted not to make off with the silverware from a topsider estate. That’s you.”

“I, um—” you floundered for a minute – the words look pretty on my arm setting your heart racing, which was stupid, he’d literally just said he wanted you to be his arm candy for a night, it meant nothing – and Silco raised an eyebrow at your hesitation.

“You’ll be paid overtime for your trouble, of course,” he said.

“That wasn’t—thank you, sir,” you said quickly.

“Good,” he said, flicking through some of the papers on his desk, his focus already slipping back to his work. “Meet me outside Ko Shosu’s house at eight sharp. Wear something nice and do not be late.”

It was a struggle to focus on your work for the next two days. The figures that usually came so easily to you seemed to blur together until you had to triple-check your spreadsheets in case you’d made an error while your mind insisted on screeching Silco think’s I’m pretty over and over like a stuck record. You were sure he’d meant nothing by that offhanded comment, but that didn’t help anything.

It was almost a relief when the next evening rolled around just so you could focus on doing something.

But that relief didn’t last long when you realised you didn’t have the first clue what you should wear to a party at a topsider’s fancy estate. There wasn’t time to hit up the markets even if you could justify the expense, so you settled for a black dress that was simple, but showed off your figure without showing too much of anything else, as you could at least guess that anything shorter than the knee-length hem of your dress might not go over well among the stiff, buttoned-up topsiders. You’d had the dress a long time and had to stitch it once or twice, but surely nobody would notice a little thing like that.

You felt strangely buoyant as you made your way through the upper districts of Zaun, where at this time in the evening business was just starting to pick up. Lines were forming outside the nicer clubs, the street hawkers were packing up to make way for the crowds, and the air nearly sparkled with Shimmer residue as you passed the open doors of some of the edgier establishments, where topsiders went to get a taste of the undercity without actually having to venture below. You couldn’t even find it within yourself to be annoyed at the arrogant topsiders who came to Zaun to indulge in all the things they couldn’t in Piltover before returning to their cushy homes and easy lives. Tonight felt like an infiltration, and it was you who would be inserting yourself somewhere you could never belong.

-

You met up with Silco outside the gates of Ko Shosu’s estate. He’d gone straight there from a meeting with some topsider businessman, and he was dressed as elegantly as he always was. As you approached you glanced at the people milling around on the wide driveway, and you suddenly felt underdressed.

“You’re almost late,” Silco said by way of greeting, and the nervous knot in your stomach only tightened.

“Sorry, sir. Border guards held me up. You know how they are.” The Enforcer at the checkpoint on the bridge had made a huge fuss over your ID photo having a slightly different hairstyle than you did now, just being an asshole because he was an Enforcer and he could.

“Hm,” was all he said as his eyes raked over you, and your mind instantly went to those little stitches in your dress. You suddenly felt as if he could see every little flaw in you, and the feeling only worsened when a couple of women in glittering floor-length gowns swept past, arm-in-arm and laughing airily.

“Do I look all right?” you said just to break the tense silence. “This is the best I have.”

“You look perfectly acceptable,” Silco said, and that was almost worse than if he hadn’t said anything. Acceptable. You’d be lucky if you weren’t mistaken for a servant. “Shall we?” he said then, offering you his arm. When you hesitated, he rolled his eyes. “Take my arm. We have to at least appear as if we both want to be here.”

“Do you want to be here?” you said as you curled your hand around his elbow, trying to ignore the jolt you felt at touching him, even if he was wearing a coat.

He scoffed. “Of course I don’t. But needs must.”

As you made your way up the long driveway, you couldn’t help but gawk at your surroundings. You knew this wasn’t even close to being the grandest house in all of Piltover, but at that moment you could have believed it. There were at least four floors, the upper two ringed in balconies spilling over with hanging flowers and vines. The next closest house had to be at least a hundred metres away, and in the dark space between you could make out the open expanse of a lawn lit by a ring of ground-level lamps, and manicured trees on each side. You couldn’t imagine what the topsiders would do with such a space – you could probably fit a whole other house in there, even one as large as Shosu’s.

And when you entered the house itself, you actually gasped. “Someone lives here? It looks like a palace.”

Silco shot you a glare as you stared at your surroundings with wide eyes, barely even registering the doorman who came to take your coats. “Remember how I said you were the only one I could trust not to fill your pockets? Don’t make me regret it.”

But you were hardly listening as your eyes roved over the crowded ballroom. It was a sea of fine suits and jewel-toned gowns, with servants darting through the throngs like the quick little fish that lived in the shallows of the river, trays of drinks and tiny pastry-like things balanced on their fingertips. Music drifted from somewhere you couldn’t see, almost drowned out by the chatter, and diamonds glittered at fingers and throats – and even on the ceiling, you noticed as your eyes drifted upwards, or at least it seemed like the chandeliers were draped in strings of gemstones that scattered the lights in every direction.

“Concentrate, girl,” Silco muttered close to your ear, making you shiver. “Remember why we’re here. Torek is over there,” he said, though you couldn’t possibly guess which of the guests he was indicating. “Do you remember your task?”

You dragged your eyes away from the spectacle before you to meet his mismatched eyes. “Keep his wife distracted while you get him to consider working with you. I’ve got it.”

“Good. We won’t need to stay long – an hour at most, then you can go home and do whatever you’d like. Maybe you can even catch Ran and Dustin.” As he said this the corner of his mouth tilted up, and you realised with some shock that the Eye of Zaun was teasing you.

You shrugged in what you hoped was nonchalance. “It takes as long as it takes. You know I’m not one to rush a job.”

“I’m aware,” he said as you started to make your way through the crowd, weaving through the throng as if you weren’t aiming straight for your unfortunate target. Perhaps it was because people knew he was from the Undercity, or maybe whispers of the things his people did in dark alleys and dingy establishments travelled ahead of him, but the dense crowd of people seemed to loosen before him, as if people suddenly remembered they had other places to be when he approached. If it offended him, Silco gave no sign, but instead he leaned in to you again. “He is close now. Laugh like I’ve said something terribly clever, you look petrified.”

“I’m fine,” you insisted, but you did as he asked anyway, and it seemed to help. The tension you had felt in the air around you receded a little, and before you knew it Silco was shaking hands with a tall, portly man. You barely heard as he introduced you as his guest for the night, your heart was pounding so loudly in your ears. Rupert Torek had an open, kind face, his eyes crinkling at the sides when he smiled, and he didn’t seem surprised that Silco had sought him out. You wondered if he had any idea how fucked he was.

“We haven’t met before! I’m Liana, Rupert’s wife,” a voice at your side said, making you start, though you quickly smoothed it over with a smile as you turned to the woman who had appeared next to you, introducing yourself and hoping you sounded like you knew you belonged here, just like she did.

Liana glanced between you and Silco, who had already captured her husband’s full attention. Her brows lowered slightly, and you wondered if she had suspicions about her husband’s gambling. “I didn’t know Silco had a partner,” she said carefully.

“Oh, we’re not…together,” you said, laughing airily. “I’m just accompanying him tonight.”

“I see,” Liana said, though now her smile seemed frozen in place, and you wondered if you’d offended her somehow. But nevertheless she called over a couple of her friends, whose names you quickly forgot, and for a moment you were very pleased with yourself. There was no chance Liana would try to join her husband’s conversation while you had her distracted like this.

It was at this point that things started to go wrong.

In hindsight, you should have realised what Liana thought you were implying when you’d said you were accompanying your boss, and what a topsider would think of that particular occupation. But you were a few minutes into a banal, vapid conversation with Liana and her friends about something that you weren’t really paying attention to before you realised that they all thought you were a whore he’d hired for the night, and apparently found this very offensive judging by the bladed smiles and barbed compliments that started heading your way. It didn’t help that you were inadvertently showing much more skin than any of them – and how you were supposed to know the current fashions topside, you had no idea. Pretty soon your fingers were itching to take off one of your high-heeled shoes and beat Liana’s face in with it, but you couldn’t exactly square up in the middle of a ballroom as if you were in a Zaunite dive bar.

So instead, you just played dumb.

You let the thinly-veiled insults, the insinuations that you didn’t belong among them, glance off you. Nobody spent their whole life in Zaun without growing their own kind of armour. Right now yours was keeping your smile frozen firmly on your face, and so Liana was too busy with you to notice that her husband was making a business deal with the Eye of Zaun himself, right under her powdered nose.

That thought made you glance over at Silco, and the second your eyes met his, you felt a strange sort of calm descend over you. Rupert Torek was still chatting away, not even a hint of discomfort on his round face. Silco gave you a minute, almost imperceptible nod, raising his glass of wine slightly.

It had actually worked.

You tried to keep your face blank. That only became harder when Silco turned his attention back to Torek and you realised that when you’d looked over at him, he’d already been watching you.

-

Soon after, you excused yourself to go to the ladies’ room. You were pretty sure Liana and her friends forgot all about you as soon as you were out of sight – or at least you hoped so. You didn’t want to know what they’d be saying about you as soon as you were out of earshot.

You didn’t head to the bathroom, though. Instead you went out the way you’d come in, not bothering to collect your coat from the doorman as you went down the stone steps as fast as you could without running.

As soon as you were outside, away from the glare of the house’s lights, you felt the tightness that had settled in your chest loosen. You hadn’t even noticed the anxiety creep under your skin with every barb Liana and her friends had thrown your way, but when it finally dissipated you wondered how you’d been able to breathe at all.

You should go back now that you’d got your fresh air. You couldn’t just disappear.

But one glance back at the shadowy figures moving through the ballroom windows had you moving away from the house, into the shadows of the grounds where nobody would notice the Zaunite girl who was hilariously out of place among them.

The pathways were lit by low electric lights, and there was nobody else out here. You chose a path along the edge of the grounds, shielded on one side by a high wall and on the other by a huge rosebush bordering the lawn. You weren’t sure whether you were really supposed to be out here, but nobody stopped you as you wandered further into the grounds. 

Eventually you found a bench and you sat down, tipping your head back to watch the stars in the sky. You’d only ever seen them when Silco sent you up to Piltover on business, and on those nights there was never time to stop and really look at them. Down in the Undercity it was difficult to see the sky at all through the smog, let alone the dozens of stars that shimmered through the haze of Piltover’s lights.

For some reason you couldn’t name, tears sprang to your eyes unbidden, and you tried to blink them away without ruining your makeup.

Of course, that was the moment you heard footsteps approaching.

“Drinking alone already?”

Your head snapped up to see Silco strolling towards you, and it was then that you realised you still had your glass of wine in your hand. You sighed, taking a sip as your boss sat down next to you.

“Just needed some air,” you muttered as Silco slung his arm over the back of the bench. It didn’t escape you that if you leaned back, he would have his arm around you. “How did it go with Torek?”

“I expect we’ll be getting a visit from him or one of his associates in the near future. His wife wasn’t too much for you, I take it?”

“I handled it. But they’re all just so…ugh.”

Silco chuckled as he pulled a cigar from somewhere in his coat, and you tried not to let the sound startle you. You’d never heard Silco laugh before, not even a little, and the sound was surprisingly warm. “Don’t worry, we won’t have to do this again for a while.” You watched as he held the cigar between his crooked teeth as he flicked his lighter, the strange angle of the lights highlighting his sharp cheekbones as he took a long drag.

“You know, I don’t think we’re allowed to smoke out here.”

“I don’t care.” He blew a long puff of smoke out into the crisp night air, staining it with a rich scent of tobacco and spices. “Is something bothering you?”

You searched for words to explain the anger tightening your throat, but came up with nothing that made sense. You were a numbers girl. Words were Silco’s thing. You shrugged. “It’s stupid. It doesn’t matter.”

“I’m asking, so I would say it does.” His voice had hardened, and you glanced over at him in alarm, though he didn’t look angry.

You didn’t want to push it, though, so you sighed and took a sip from your wine to buy a few seconds, feeling Silco’s mismatched gaze on you the whole time. “It’s just…all they did in there was bitch about things. What I was wearing, how I acted, their husbands, their lives. And yet…” you gestured vaguely at your surroundings. The gardens that must have needed a whole team of people to maintain. The lawn that sat empty when it could have grown enough food to feed a whole street of hungry Zaunites. The house. “They have all this, but it’s all they’ve ever had, so they can’t even see how privileged they really are. Meanwhile we have to scrape every penny just to put food on the table and some people in Zaun don’t even get that. If I lived up here I’d never complain about anything ever again,” you finished, and by now you were speaking into your wine glass, your eyes fixed on the ground.

Silco was quiet for a moment, and you didn’t dare glance up at him to see if you could gauge what he was really thinking. You’d never been so candid with your boss before, and you half expected him to leave and pretend tonight had never happened. The very last thing you expected him to say was, “What if I told you that tonight had been something of a test of your loyalties?”

Now you did look up, and he was watching you with that kind of calculated detachment he was so good at, though something in the hard lines of his face had softened. Or maybe it was just the moonlight.

“I don’t understand, sir.”

He took his time answering, taking another long drag of his cigar and releasing the smoke in a ring. “You’ve been with me a short while now, and you’re a very talented accountant. With your skills and some forged papers you could easily find work topside. Something with less risk and more pay.”

You flushed at his insinuation. “You pay me just fine.”

He rolled his eyes. “All wages are higher topside, you know that. You could have walked out of that house with a whole list of people who would pay you far more than I can for the same work, but you didn’t. Instead you stood there and allowed me to work on Torek while everyone in that room thought you were just some girl I’d hired for the night.”

You started to splutter a protest, but it died on your lips when you realised Silco was right. If you’d revealed your real job it would have raised Liana’s suspicions.

“It’s a long road ahead of us until Zaun is an independent nation. The topsiders won’t let us go without a fight,” he said, his voice dropping in case you weren’t alone in the gardens. “There will be times when you are tempted by offers of money, better jobs in better places, employers who won’t ask you to break the topsiders’ laws every day. I needed to know that you were true to the cause, that you would remain loyal to me even when you had the opportunity to make things easier for yourself.”

“You were giving me an out,” you said as it clicked into place. “Why now?”

“Because by now, you know exactly what you’re getting into by staying. Your choice to work for me is a genuine one.”

“So did I pass? Your test, I mean.”

“We would not be sitting here now if you had failed.”

You weren’t involved in the…bloodier side of Silco’s business, but you weren’t ignorant to it, either. You knew what he did to people he suspected of disloyalty. Would he really have let you go if you’d wanted? Or would you have disappeared into the shadows of the Lanes, never to be heard from again? You wouldn’t be the first. But then you realised that you’d never been afraid of that, because you would never give him a reason to doubt your loyalties. Zaun had to break free of Piltover, and he was the only one with the wits, the resources, and the sheer bloody-mindedness to finally cut the undercity free.

A sudden cold breeze blew in off the river, making the hedges surrounding you tremble, and you became acutely aware that you had left your coat inside. Before you could give yourself the chance to think better of it, you leaned back, and as you’d suspected, Silco didn’t move his arm. He didn’t quite put his arm around you, but he traced a circle on your bare shoulder with the back of his thumb, almost as if he was reluctant to touch you in case he scared you off.

“We can return to the party if you wish,” he said, and now he was near enough for his warm breath on your ear to send shivers along your skin that had nothing to do with the chilled night air.

“I prefer it out here.”

“As do I.” He held his cigar between his teeth as he reached into his coat and produced a small metal hip flask.

You couldn’t help but snort as he uncapped it and the smell of whiskey hit your nose. “You brought your own alcohol?”

He took a swig and then passed the flask to you. “Better than the swill they’re serving in there.”

“That swill is probably very expensive.”

“So is this. Drink.”

You took a small sip and were proud of yourself when you didn’t cough, even though the whiskey was strong enough to make your eyes water. A pleasant warm sensation spread out from your chest as you swallowed, though, and you shivered as you licked a drop off your lip. “Definitely tastes expensive.”

You looked up at him, and Silco’s eyes quickly snapped away from your mouth as he made a vague hum of agreement. For a while neither of you spoke, and you only passed the flask back and forth in companionable silence. The music that drifted towards you on the wind picked up in pace, and you heard the occasional drunken shout in the distance. Still nobody ventured into the dark grounds.

“Earlier I told you that you looked acceptable,” Silco said all of a sudden as he tapped out his half-smoked cigar and put it back in the tin. “I believe I should have told you that you look lovely instead.”

You felt a flush creep up your neck, and you risked a glance up at your boss – who had told you that you would look pretty on his arm, who had trusted you with this mission and had noticed when you slipped off to be alone. Nobody ever did that.

Maybe it was the whiskey. Maybe you were delusional or perhaps just stupid. You didn’t really know why you did it, but before you could think better of it, you leaned over and kissed him.

It was only a quick, chaste press of your lips against his, and you instantly regretted it when Silco stayed completely still against you. You jerked backwards, already apologising. “I’m so sorry sir, I shouldn’t—”

You didn’t get to finish your sentence. Silco’s hand was firm on the back of your neck as he pulled you towards him and kissed you. Properly this time. It was your turn to freeze in shock, but you quickly got over it as his tongue danced against yours and you tasted whiskey and smoke. You eagerly let him in as he deepened the kiss, shivering as his hand slid up your leg from your knee to your thigh, and for the first time that night you were glad of your too-short skirt.

You gasped in surprise as he pulled you onto his lap, barely breaking the kiss as he made you straddle him, your skirt riding up as your thighs spread. Feeling bold, you ran your hands through his soft hair, and he hummed in approval as you raked your nails through the short hair at the base of his neck. In response he gave your ass a firm squeeze, grinding you down onto his lap.

And onto the hard length beneath you.

You circled your hips against him as he moved down to your neck, holding you in place with a hand in your hair pulling just tight enough to hurt as he bit more than kissed you, leaving marks that would definitely be impossible to hide in this dress. You couldn’t give a shit. No way were you going back into that stupid party after this.

“Tell me how long you’ve wanted this,” Silco said, emphasising his point with a sharp snap of his hips up against you.

“I—” you started, but you could only focus on his hands creeping up your thighs again. Except this time, they didn’t stop.

“Go on,” he coaxed, as if you were supposed to focus on anything except his fingers hooking into the waistband of your panties. You hissed as he tugged them down and the cold night air hit your pussy, and it faded into a whimper as he trailed his fingers along your lips, pausing to circle your entrance in a way that made your back arch. “And don’t you dare try to lie to me, sweetheart, because you’re already wet for me.”

“Um…” you tried to focus on anything but the soft, barely-there brush of his fingers against your pussy. Every time you tried to grind against his hand he moved away, keeping his touch just a little too soft, the bastard. “I think – maybe…”

“A few weeks?” he prompted.

“Mm – no…”

He raised an eyebrow, but rewarded your answer by pressing his thumb against your clit, though he still refused to give you what you wanted. Needed.

“Months?”

“Longer. Since… I wanted this since my first day working for you.” Finally, Silco slid one long finger into you as his thumb drew an agonisingly slow circle over your clit, and your eyes fluttered closed in pleasure.

“Do you want to know a secret, my lovely?” he said, his fingers moving faster, obscene wet noises filling the air.

“M-hm.”

“I have you beat. I’ve wanted this since I interviewed you.”

Your eyes flew open at his admission just as he sank another finger into you without warning. Later. You could think about what he’d said later. For now you just let yourself enjoy the curl of his long fingers inside you, the expert ministrations of his thumb on your clit that sent waves of warm pleasure up your spine.

Until the bastard stopped.

He withdrew his hand from you, and his fingers glistened in the moonlight from your wetness. Your eyes widened as he licked them clean, then he motioned for you to stand. “Get up. Go and stand at the end of the bench.”

You followed his directions on shaky legs, and Silco followed, casually strolling around to stand behind you. You had a good idea of what he intended. He trailed his fingers up your bare arms, then fisted one hand in your hair while the other held your bicep in a bruising grip. “If you want this to stop,” he purred in your ear, “say the word now.”

You only pushed back against him, feeling his hard length behind you.

“I thought not.” Then he bent you over the arm of the bench, the ornate steel armrest digging into your hips as he lifted your skirt and pulled your panties down to your knees. You weren’t sure if you shivered with the cool breeze or the anticipation as you heard him unbutton his pants, his hand still in your hair. Then you hissed as you felt the press of his cock against your centre, arched your back as he slid it through your wetness before finally sinking into you as his free hand started playing with your clit once more.

Your voice rose in a high, keening cry as he sheathed himself inside you, easing the ache of his entry with his fingers on your clit. He stopped abruptly, pulling you up by your hair. “Hush now,” he hissed in your ear as he let go of your hair and shoved his fingers in your mouth. You could taste the echo of yourself on his skin. “You don’t want them to think you really are my whore, do you?”

You choked around his fingers for a moment before you relaxed your throat enough that you could shake your head and make a garbled nuh-uh sound, which earned you a low chuckle.

“I didn’t quite catch that, sweetheart,” he said as he started to move, setting a quick, urgent pace that reminded you that anybody could come around the corner and see you bent over a bench with the most powerful man in the Undercity driving into you from behind as you gagged on his fingers. Every thrust of his hips ground yours against the metal armrest, and you knew you’d surely have bruises in the morning. “I wish we were somewhere I could fuck you properly. Take you apart piece by piece until you’re nothing more than a writhing, crying mess in my bed. But perhaps you do like the idea of someone seeing you, seeing how well you’re taking me. How wet you are.” His breathing was becoming shallow as he fucked you, but that didn’t stop the stream of filth from his mouth. “I don’t know about you, but I would kill to see the look on Ko Shosu’s face when he realises we used his party to lure his friend into our web and then defiled his rose garden right under his nose.”

He said something else after that too, but you’d stopped listening to his words and let the low, rough cadence of his voice be the final push you needed over that peak you’d been approaching, once interrupted and now higher than ever. Even Silco’s fingers in your mouth weren’t enough to muffle your cries as you came, your thighs shaking from the strain of standing while your walls clamped down on Silco’s cock, over and over again in waves of agonising bliss. He followed soon after, and you felt a warm rush as he spilled himself inside you with a groan he muffled in your neck.

For a moment you both stood there, catching your breath. You sighed in relief as Silco removed his fingers from your mouth, and after tucking himself away he cleaned you up with a handkerchief before pulling your panties back up for you. “You felt just as good as I’d imagined you would,” he said softly, pressing a kiss to your abused scalp.

“Is that something you imagined often, sir?” you said teasingly.

“Most nights,” he murmured into your hair. “And perhaps some days, too.”

Well, damn. You had no idea what to say to that, other than, “Me too.” Maybe you had actually drank too much. “Take me home,” you said, leaning back against his chest as he straightened out your skirts. You felt him smile against your hair.

“It would be my absolute pleasure.”

#arcane x reader #silco x reader #silco x you #arcane x you #arcane x female reader #cursedfanfic #ive been dipping in and out of this for months and now im sick of looking at it so here you go lol

[foreverxdaydreaming]

if you know any of these, i respect you and your taste dearly... but also, how hard is that nostalgia hitting you rn? pretty bittersweet, eh?

#jj.jpg #my post #jj.mp3 #been dancing to and blasting a fuck ton of songs and just had to let the feels out somewhere #cause holy mother of fuck where has the time gone fr 😭 #not me coming back once a month ish to post 3 pics and dip again im sorry yall #genuinely been work and friends and/or being sick or taking care of a relative who is.. a bitch can just never catch a break lol #but on the bright side ive been more social lately & i feel like even tho it has its swings and i have my days.. i do feel a lil bit better #between forcing myself back out there and getting back into therapy last year.. holy mother of fuck have i seen the difference.. #now just hoping my seasonal bullshit (summer for whatever reason... i blame cancer season ngl but anyway-) doesn't fuck over all progress #hajjdjjff but anyway that's more than enough tag rambling #hope you've all been well; best wishes for yourselves and all your loved ones #take care and until next tiimeee xo <3333 #psst...ik u see the notifs..... don't fuckin mention it---

[killiths]

so where do i start...

well... i just wanna say that i’m fucking sick and tired of this shit. like, i am done taking this shit from natalie (@/simon-haynes) not taking any fucking responsibility and not being able to be accountable for the shit she’s done and people eating up her lies like she’s a fucking saint... i am totally, completely and unbelievably sick of this bitch... can’t even say it differently. and whilst the reason im writing this is because of rae, i have my own story with natalie to share :) because i am SICK and TIRED of this bitch acting like a saint compared to rae... because trust me on this... she really is NOT. also, the reason she’s going round spreading lies abt rae is pretty much similar to what ive gone thru w her so... like, not in what happened but like... rae upset natalie and she snapped and went around spreading lies. i got upset bc of natalie but i didn’t snap and go into other servers that weren’t even remotely involved to talk smack about her and spread lies. innit funny how i am literally like 7 years younger than her but clearly more mature? :)

anyways, i might not have all the receipts but nor does she, actually, and ppl believe her bs lies about rae so here i come with the TRUTH that i’ve been keeping quiet for so long because i didn’t think i’d need to bring it up for people to see how fucked in the head she actually is ???

but yeah,lemme just mention some of the shit she’s been doing to rae recently:  compulsively lying about her to make herself look better to people we don’t know in servers we ain’t in... plus we’re also mentioned in there several times for god fucking knows why so...

but to what natalie did to me, well... it’s been months actually, i think it happened all the way back in july ??? so yeah, that’s how long i’ve kept quiet about this bc at the time i thought we were friends but this bitch is as fake as it can get. :) 

back in july 2020, i joined the womens server created by fleur and i was actually talking to her and the people there. i genuinely liked them and was really happy that i could talk to them too along with my other friends, but then the womens server got mentioned in our friend group and suddenly everyone wanted to join. rae and i have already been in there, but rae was barely talking. bru and zoe joined and dipped the instant they saw the chat, so that’s that. and the only person who stayed was natalie :) fleur kept saying how the womens server is supposed to be a positive and safe place for everyone in the chat, so i warned her that natalie can be a demon, in a joking/not joking way bc our friend group is known to be cunts to each other and it also projects to other ppl who don’t always take it the best way but anyway...

so i warned fleur about natalie possibly acting like a cunt bc that’s just what she did at the time bc it was all fun and jokes... but then fleur actually brought it up to natalie in private messages that natalie herself shared with us, and what she did afterward was make a bunch of REALISTIC manips that said I (ME) was bullying natalie into being a cunt and a demon, a SEVENTEEN YEAR OLD (i was still 17 at the time) bullying a grown ass TWENTY-FOUR YEAR OLD woman into being a cunt to a bunch of strangers :)

yeah, sure.

but that happened and natalie was joking and laughing about it. until i had a BREAKDOWN and an ANXIETY ATTACK because of it. she literally “joked” by compulsively LYING to fleur about me a SEVENTEEN YEAR OLD bullying her into being a cunt. do y’all hear this?

anyways yeah... i had a breakdown. i was shaking, i was crying and i couldn’t calm down. until RAE offered to go on call with me to help me calm down. and it actually helped. but the funny thing about that is... as i was on call WITH RAE, natalie literally messaged rae that i’m and i quote “a little bitch” for having a breakdown over her compulsive lying, trying to make me into a bad person to people that i was befriending at the time. obviously i was fucking UPSET.

and you know what? i never even got an apology. because natalie genuinely didn’t think she did something wrong, even though she caused me a fucking breakdown. to this day, natalie still doesn’t think she did something wrong because by now, she doesn’t even remember it. but you know who does? ME. BECAUSE I WAS FUCKING TRAUMATISED. NATALIE IS LITERALLY THE REASON I DECIDED TO GO TO THERAPY. and i wish i was lying about that.

so say what you fucking will, think what you fucking want about rae. but whatever natalie says... it’s all fucking lies that are written purely from her point of view, and often wrong (which she also admitted btw but still acts as if she’s the victim and WE’RE attacking her).and yeah... rae is a demon, but she actually helped me through a breakdown that natalie caused whilst natalie called me a little bitch for it, so natalie has NO FUCKING RIGHT to act like a saint in comparison to rae. because she made a MINOR cry and didn’t think there was anything wrong with it. :)

i’m just done. and sick. and fucking tired. this bitch doesn’t deserve anything. not even a fucking apology from anyone because she’s just as bad as anyone she decides to shit talk in her dozens of servers that we’re not in.

(note: been sent more receipts of shit natalie said about me back in july that i didn’t even know about for this post. innit fun?)

and to y’all believing natalie’s lies

the chat is full of bullshit that natalie said and lemme tell you she likes to make the victim out of herself because she’s such a fucking saint isn’t she? well, fuck all of you who side with this bitch. honestly i could write a whole fucking essay about the shit natalie said about rae but then again that doesn’t concern me because it’s not about me of course... but even as a person outside of all this drama who has an objective point of view on everything that happened, i promise you... natalie is NOT the angel she makes herself to be.

#im just sick okay #every single atom in my fucking body hates this bitch #and anyone who believes her fucking lies is fucked in the head #i don't even care

[anythingandeverything1d]

Congratulations

“(y/n)” the nurse called out from the door. You stood up and walked over with an anxious smile. She handed you a clip board of medical information that you needed to update and then said she would grab you once it was completed and turned into the desk. You sat back down in the waiting room and flipped through the pages. Ugh I wish my mom was here...am I allergic to anything? I mean I don't think so but maybe Im just unaware of it..I don't remember having surgery-well my tonsils were removed but does that count? You were filling out the page to the best of your ability when your phone buzzed. You looked down and saw his name flash across the screen before immediately ignoring the call. You rushed to finish the paperwork and handed it in as the nurse came back. “Ready?” she asked.

“Yeah.” you followed her down the hall where she took your height and weight before escorting you into the room. You hopped onto the chair and anxiously tapped your foot as she checked your temperature, blood pressure, and oxygen levels. After finishing up she sat on the stool and smiled. 

“So, what are we here for today?”

“Uh...” you looked at your feet and shifted in the chair. “I think I may be pregnant.”

She smiled and nodded, “when was your last period?” 

“My period tends to be irregular but the last one I had recored was around two months ago.”

“Okay, were you on any kind of birth controls, or using any type of contraceptives?”

“I was on a birth control, am on a birth control but I missed a few days while I was on vacation which is when I believe this all happened.”

“Okay. Have you had any symptoms other than your missed period?”

“No, not really.”

“Okay. Have you taken any pregnancy tests at home?”

You nodded, your brain flashing back to that day. 

*Tears were flooding down your cheeks as he grabbed his last hoodie from your closet. All you wanted was for life to stop. You wanted him to say its okay, to make a change in the relationship, to stay. You sat on the bed crying as he walked out the door for the last time, taking with him every once of happiness you had. You ran to the bathroom, physically sick from the situation. It wasnt until you were hunched over the toilet that you realized the box of tampons had gone unopened. Missing periods was normal for you, they had never been regular. There was a slight doubt in your mind though. You had never missed a period more than once, so the fact that you were going on two means something was wrong. You had been under a lot of stress though, the distance, the lying, the excuses, all of it. Wiping the snot running from your nose, you had gotten up, washed your face, and thrown on sweatpants and a sweatshirt. You had mustered the courage to drive all the way to the drug store, purchase three pregnancy tests, and drive home. You had gotten three, you wanted to be sure. You wanted to be positive before making any other decisions. You sat on the bathroom floor after peeing in a cup and dipped each end, turning them over so you couldn't see the lines. You set a timer on your phone and closed your eyes. The only thing that could've possibly made this situation better was having him here. Of course he was gone already but you could still dream right? When the alarm on your phone went off you anxiously flipped them all over. Picking the first up and squinting you saw the dreaded double lines. Picking the second one up: dreaded double lines. And the third: PREGNANT in bold. You dropped them all on the counter and threw your phone. Of course, of course this this happens. He leaves and I end up pregnant with his baby..just like the movies except he won't be coming back. The rest of the day had been a blur. You had kind of just ignored the fact that there were three positive pregnancy tests in the bathroom. When your friend Luke had come over, you had cried into his arms. Cried about him leaving, about the break up, and finally about being pregnant. “(y/n) if you have positive pregnancy tests you need to call him.”

“No. I can't do that. Im not doing that.”

“(y/n)...hes the father, he deserves to know.”

“I may not even be pregnant though..they come up wrong all the time.”

“Not this wrong though.. this seems pretty sure.”

“I mean I've been stressed lately maybe its just a hormone thing.”

“I think you should go to the doctor and check. And if you are then you need to ball up and tell him. Seriously he needs to know”

You had nodded and cried some more before Luke left. Then you had called your doctor and made an appointment.*

Now here you were answering questions about your sex life and body. The nurse handed you a cup and showed you where the bathroom was. She said the test would take only around ten minutes but that she would be coming back to the room to do a blood test as well. Great, what a fun day... You quickly peed in the cup, leaving it on the counter for the nurse and wandered back to the room you had been assigned. Your hands were sweating and you felt dizzy. Having your blood drawn was probably your least favorite thing. In fact, you fainted almost every time. You checked your phone and thought about texting him...instead you texted Luke and told him how terrible the doctor was and that you were going to die while having your blood drawn. His only response was “lol” and you rolled your eyes. Typical guy.. The nurse came back in with a smile and sat down. “Well it does look like you are in fact pregnant so congratulations! We want to do a pelvic exam and ultra sound today just to see where everything is at and then have you come back for a blood draw in the future.” 

“Thanks.” you smiled and relief flooded your face. At least you didnt have to have your blood drawn today. On the other hand, you were pregnant, which was a whole other nightmare in its own. Not that you hadn't wanted and dreamed of having kids. You just thought it would be under different circumstances and that you would be married. 

“Im going to leave this gown here if you just want to change real quick we can do an ultrasound and hopefully see where the little baby is at.” She left for a minute and you quickly changed, your warm body freezing against the chair. When she came back in, she had an ultrasound machine on wheels. She started with the pelvic exam, lightly pressing all around your pelvic region. Satisfied she got out a tube of gel. “This is going to be cold at first.” You had nodded and watched as the clear gel squirted out and the ultrasound machine rubbed against your skin. You watched the screen as she moved it around looking for the baby. After what felt like months, she found a small white dot looking blob and smiled. “There it is...looks like you are measuring around 2 months right now which makes sense to when you thought everything happened.” She looked at you and smiled. “I know it can be a lot to take in..I’m guessing this is your first?”

“Yeah...its just a lot I guess.”

“It is, but it gets easier. Want to hear the baby’s heartbeat?”

You smiled and nodded. She pressed a button and you heard soft thumps. Tears slipped out of the corner of your eye and you wiped them away. “Thats pretty cool.”

She smiled and nodded before handing you a towel. “You are all set to go, we will have the pictures at the desk where you can make your next appointment. It was nice meeting you (y/n) good luck on your pregnancy and congratulations again.” You smiled and thanked her before climbing back into your clothes. 2 months pregnant...theres a living being in there...my baby...mine and Harry’s baby...oh god, what am I going to tell Harry? At the desk you scheduled another appointment and the receptionist handed you a picture saying congratulations. You looked at the little pea shaped blob inside you and grinned. Thats mine...thats inside me. 

Luke surprised you by standing at your car door with an ice cream sundae. “Soo did you faint? did you die? did you live?”

You laughed, “Yeah I lived. I didnt have my blood drawn at all actually.”

“Oh? Why’s that?” You took the sundae from him and smiled taking a bite, the hot fudge melting in your mouth. 

“Because of this.” you waved the picture in your hand and he grabbed it his mouth dropping. 

“Is that what I think it is? Do you have an alien growing inside you?”

“Lukeee seriously”

He laughed and looked into your eyes. “Okay okay but wow, a baby. That’s amazing. How are you feeling about it?”

“I feel like it hasn't sunk in yet....but that I’m really happy. I mean Ive always wanted a baby...why not do it now? I don't need a man in my life. Im a strong and independent woman.”

“That you are, but don't worry you will have me too. Im going to be a great uncle, its the best job anyways. But uh- are you going to tell Harry?” 

You shrugged your shoulders and continued eating. “(y/n)...it is his baby right?”

You rolled your eyes and nodded. “It cant be anyone else's.”

“So then you're going to tell him.”

“Idontknow” you mumbled, your mouth full of ice cream.

“You have to..you know he would want to know.”

“Theres a lot I wanted to know and he didn't tell me so I’m not sure yet. I haven't decided anything.”

“Okay...” he gave in and hugged you. “I’m happy for you I really am.” 

You hugged him back and smiled. “Thanks. I’m glad you're here...I’m glad I have someone to go through this with. And I’m so so glad you brought ice cream.”

“It’s okay. What are friends for right?” You nodded and jumped in the car after saying goodbye. You didn’t quite know who to call yet so you decided to just enjoy some time with yourself. You did the only logical thing you could think of after finding out that there was a baby inside you: you went shopping. You picked a local baby store and walked in, looking at all the onesies, furniture, blankets, binkies, and bears. 

“Hi! Anything I can help you find today?”

“No, thank you I’m just looking.”

“Okay well we are having a two for one deal on onesies and bibs so make sure to check those out.”

“I will thank you.” you smiled at the girl working but she kept looking back at you. 

“Are you (y/n)...the girl dating Harry Styles?” she asked shyly.

“I was dating him, not anymore actually.” She nodded and gave you the look, you know the one of pity and sorrow? You went back to shopping looking at all of the little outfits, there were so many choices. You also had no idea if you were having a boy or a girl..something told you it was a boy but obviously you had no clue whatsoever. You decided on a cute grey onesie with little animals on it...gender neutral. You also grabbed a cute binkie that had a stuffed bear attached to it. 

“These are super cute.” the girl said while checking out. “There's a whole collection that goes with this if youre interested.”

“No, that's okay this is enough for now?”

She nodded and wrapped the stuff in a bag. “So how far along are you?”

“Not very far, only a few months.”

“Well congrats! I hope everything goes smoothly and I hope to see you back here soon for more stuff.”

You smiled and nodded. “I for sure will be back.” 

You drove home, your phone blowing up the entire way with twitter notifications, instagram tags, and more. Inside you scrolled through it, only to find pictures of you shopping for the baby clothes. Your name attached to headlines stating you were expecting but not far along. Great...this is not what I need...how do they even know.... you were scrolling through more twitter notifications. Harry’s name was now being brought into this. Another daddy in One Direction? Harry Styles Expecting? ugh...this literally cannot be happening.. and then everything got worse.. Harry’s name and photo popped up on your screen as he called. “Harry?” you answered anxiously.

---

Part 1 of my new series, hope you all enjoy! Goal is to have another part posted tonight or tomorrow! This is kind of just an intro to the story, I’m hoping to have them be a little longer but let me know what you all would rather: longer and less stories (may take more time to upload) or shorter and more stories (updated a little faster)

Let me know what you think so far and what you think will happen.

xoxo

#one direction #one direction fanfiction #directioners #one direction imagines #Harry Styles #harry styles fanfiction #harrystyles #harry styles imagine #harry styles imagines

[briannartoonz]

Hey guys, important so please read this is an update on me and where ive been!

Hi, so its been a while, uh hi, so a lot has been going on since ive been gone, some good some bad, ive been participating in artfight this month, ive been sick, and a lot of other stuff! 

but i wanna make this post cuz i wanna share some stuff thats been going on with me and other stuff, now that ive decided to come back to tumblr to be active here again

so to start off, ive decided not too long ago that im gonna be returning to the hazbin hotel/ helluva boss fandom, i really enjoyed being apart of the fandom when i first started posting here, i made a lot of good friends in that fandom, i loved the ocs/ngs i had and relationships they had with my friend’s ocs. My bf got me back into it and i decided to give the fandom another shot, so yeah, im gonna be using my hazbin ocs/ngs again and im back to being apart of the fandom

also something else thats bee going on is im currently working on a new show that i have my friends working with me one called “Kingagers” (i’ll post stuff about that show at some point in the future) but its a project we’re working on, have voice actors for, as well as animators and other people to help out, we’ve currently taken a break from the show for a bit, but my friend is working on a storyboard for a trailer for the series, which im excited for cuz i really wanna get to animating and working on it to show to everyone and get opinions on, its a project im really happy to be working on and im happy to have other artists and animators that im glad to be friends with helping me put this together! ^^

also my bf joining tumblr and he’s gonna be posting his artwork and such there so if y’all could go follow my husband that’d be amazing! he’s very talented and draws a lot of cute stuff! he’ll also be drawing hazbin related stuff as well! (i’ll @ him in another post when he’s done setting his blog up)

also i now have a twitter https://twitter.com/BriannARTOONZ so if you wanna go ahead and follow me on there, there it is! 

last thing i wanna say, im sorry for dipping for a good few months, my mental health hasnt been the best lately, ive been busy with a lot of things, and ive been losing a lot of motivation for art, and ive been trying to better myself as well, i hope to be more active here, sorry ive been gone for so long

-Brian

[instafuck]

COMFORT MEDIA POST HAHA

my comfort media is SOOOO embarassing its sooo cringe cringe is dead but my comfort media is CRINGEE okay so.. god theres no good place to start so ill go w least offensive first

- titanic

ive simply seen it so much i was so obsessed with the titanic when i was a kid that the librarian ordered more books about it when they got new ones every year for me personally bc she knew id check out all the titanic books over and over she literally told me one time when the titanic movie would be on tv and what channel even though it was airing at like 11pm-2am but i think it was so my parents wouldnt get mad at me seeing me watch it bc s3x scene she was literally the coolest so all that makes me <3

- rick and morty

IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SOOOO SORRY its just so familiar and ive seen it since i was 11 so i dont even like it that much and only admit to having seen some of it but its comfort bc i can turn my brain off and relax and its familiar

- futurama

SAME SHIT SEE ABOVE

- twilight zone

ive seen it since i was baby so its just part of a constant in my life and the first time i watched it like start to finish was during quarantine b4 qe knew it was quarantine (school was "temporarily" out) and i was going thru some things uncorrelated to quarantine but in short like i wasnt eating and i was having major identity crisis and i would only eat like tortilla w cheese dipped in ranch but even that made me sick so i would just stop eating it and watch twilight zone

- thomas and friends

THIS IS THE BIG ONE im not even embarrassed!!!!!! i had totes of the toys when i was a kid the metal take a longs i have the old ones on vhs i still watch them i always watch it idc the narrators (ringo starr, alec baldwin, johnny morris...) their voices literally make my mind tinglingly numb like post jerk off numb and i will unironically rant abt the beauty of the sets the sunsets they made and the softness of the grass and trees and their voices idc idc idc i watched it all thru hs and still do to this day sue me!!

- sword art online

first anime i watched didnt even know what anime was i was in middle school something abt it got my attention so solidly i stared at the screen in my dark ass room in my chair thinking of and doing nothing else i literally was so isolated back then and had no friends i literally lost months of my life to sao and i watch it when im bedriddenly sick bc i do the same thing ebery fckng time i watch it my mind just glosses over like a glazed donut bc it just takes me back to that

- carrie

this one is more recent i only watched it start to end the first time out of nowhere last year but since then something abt it just. makes me feel like crazy time im insane now i will stay up for days after watching tht movie

- regular show

i mean do i even need to explain... i seen it since i was very young and its like ingrained in my brain literally the reason i say yea-yuh and i didnt even like. intentionally i just realized when i rewatched it recently that i say it and that must b the reason why

- heathers

i have watched this movie on endless loop since i was about 12 i know every word i literally can talk along with it without looking its just... the music, the cinematography in some scenes all is just.. too much 4 me

- john dies at the end

idk i walked in on my dad watching it late at night when i was like 10 and he let me stay he didnt say a word so i just. i couldn't tell u what its abt bc i always fall asleep in the first 20 mins bc its comforting bc i just remember it and watched it

honourable mentions

- steven universe

OKAY NOTHING MORE CRINGE THAN SAYING SU IS COMFORT MEDIA MAYBE but listen. ive been the same age as steven since the air date and idk what cosmic nightmares done this to me but its like so much of the like. lessons taught were pertinent to my life at the time and i literally grew up w steven LITERALLY THE SAME AGE our birthdays are less than a month apart so i just connected with it so hard and the reason its only an honourable is bc i dont think ill ever watch it again. literally ever. its too personal to me bc so many of the conflicts and lessons i made such a personal connection to and drew parallels to that it literally is actually painful bc i just remember all that junk when i watch it ajshhdis horrid! dont blame me tho i was like 13 and going thru stuff w no one to talk to abt it no friends rlly and it was just my outlet :/

- digimon!

i never watched it truly as a kid but i watched it in middle school! and got so into it but then i stopped and forgot everything abt it so when i watch it now its very relaxing and i just like feel whole akdjjs bc its a very good thing from middle school era even tho middle school era was HORRIBLEEE FOR MEEE THE EMOTIONAL TURMOIL THE FAMILY DRAMA THE EVERYTHINGG but except digimon ❣ it just doesnt quite hit the comfort media mark 4 me

- jurassic park!

i rlly love this series and ive seen it as long as i can remember but idk that its rlly comfort media moreso just a series i rlly like... the BOOK is DEFO comfort for me tho its one of the only books i remember reading all the way thru by choice as a kid

#instagrum #brain rot #long post #very long post #very long uninteresting post #but #comfort media #<3 #i just realized last night after #wanting comfort media #how cringe my comfort media is 😖

[princesspuddle]

im.nervous about tomorrow, i feel sick and sad and idk what to say tomorrow :(( no body to tell, ask, brainstorm or anything, i wish i could tell people but it just feels pointless and like weight on people. While im happy to keep it to myself im also unhappy to. I read back my old letter today and in the note section about who to go to when i need help was a name i can no longer go to help/talk to for and it made me laugh a bit, i also told them if im ever in a crisis he is the only one they can contact that i trust. And this was less that 6 months ago.. im just trying to think of my future self and that what im feelikg right now, going through and healing is all so i can be completely finenin the future.

The only times it crosses my mind is the small things id be doing in the day where id probably message him what im up to.. other than that i feel like nothings changed.. its almost more sad this way because im trying to think of how the relationship was actuallu adding anything different to my life..

Im struggling with getting tasks done right now.. the same as in the relationship

Im not getting physical attention.. i wasnt in the relationship either..

Im not inspired to be healthier in my food/excersise.. i wasnt in the relationship either

Im not super encouraged to attain personal and futute goals.. i wasnt in the relationship either.. or it felt more like that was a cursed topic.

I dont feel majorly unwanted because i didnt feel super wanted in the relationship either.. if anything, this is more uspetting me writting this right now. What has changed? I feel the same, better, most days. Now i am just having to be self reliant, like i always was. But with less depressive feelings of being in a co-partnership and not being equal supported.

It was hard and draining.. i feel like i was always giving and giving and it was being taken and taken at no consideration of my expense. Im proud of myseld because i did ALL of that and still was strong enough to push myself as well. I felt like a duplicated mother and not a girlfriend, bringing meals to his lap, asking if hes saved money, planning what we do...there wasnt much in it for me, just being taken from all the time and for the most part didnt get appreciation either.., i feel like i was the one to tell him everything, he never asked about my finances, savings together for holidays or life, even working on my website, he never asked to see, only when i completed it and showed him. My uni grades, mental state, if im eating fruit.. i get it if i was too much sometimes, but at least you had me there for you in all capacities of your life, i was truly trying to look out for you everywhere, to help everywhere, personal progress, physical health, mental health, finance, living, future plans, dates, long distance dates, calls, texts, plans when in person, fixing your forgetfulness, fixing your lateness, EVERYTHING

Im angry because if i had recieved equal and mutual support, i feel like i would have been more amazing than what ive tried already, but even now im still only dipping my toes in things, and im.imagining the feeling of being inspired by a partner, the boost in life it would give me, not having everyhting be so serious, laughing at mistakes together, taking a plunge together, and the feeling of that person trying their hardest to get themselves to a situation where they could access me easier, both of us.. even after saying you were hopeful for our future and i mentioned how id need to live close to someone, you kicked off at me and wouldnt dare consider looking outside of the city.. it hurt because i wasnt TELLING you what to do. I hoped that you would understand ina relationship you would wwnt to be close to the person.

I felt like you were just waiting for me to do everything.. i didnt feel like you were even considering the thought of living with me after my 3rd year because it would be easier for you to wait until ive figured it out and plan it. I kept thinking as soon as i finish id be the one looking for flats and trying to scramble it together so we can be close, while he sits and just lets me do 90% of the work. That vision used to make me so upset that i just wanted to grab onto any thread of feeling he would give me that he wants to live with me soon, more than a 'yes i do'.. but everytime i wanted to talk about it there came a sigh, a hastle, a tone of voice that made it sound like such a huge dent in the evening, that it was always a 'Yess YESS I GET IT' and always put off.. the time was coming really soon and i was so thinly holding onto the idea that living with me would make him see life with me differently, and it took so much for me to emotionally bear with the fact that this person could barely show an interest in any aspect of a mature life together. This person that would say they love me and truly feel connected with me and in every card would write how we would always be together.. sighed and left the conversation everytime i wanted to chat about it. I was ready to move onto the next chapter of my life with you, and while.i know you were having it rough and going through things and wanted to figure things out. I didnt see you wanting to make effort for you or me, i was in limbo on my future, i was ready to adjust and put things aside and compromise for a relationship as you should. But i was so scared of these compromises i was making at the expense of myself, for someone who wasnt making any for me.. i dont know when this started happening... i dont know if this just is your personality and i was invested in what i thought would fit for me, but it feels like all of this is because of university. That the year you left, it all went downhill, innmy eyes became severely depressed, addicted to videogames and numb to a lot of the world including me. Events happened in your life after that and it piled on top until yoi just shut off everything. I wanted to support you throigh it and im so sorry these things happened.. i know i could have dome better for you but i had to keep myself up too and i was so prepared to do that for a long while to see you get better, i was still ready until the night we split. I have spent time thinking if he finished uni would it all be different? Would he be in a job he loves? Would he have gone straight into moving out getting a car and us being happier straight away? Im confused as to if all this time i was just tryint to squeeze you into someone who would be a suitable match for me, or if you really were just having a rough time and will be happy and everything i could have wanted once you feel better and are no longer suffering?

I dont think you ever told me what you want.. i feel like from the beginning you always knew i was adventurous and a big dreamer, but you never opposed to those things or made it seem like its not the life you want, but if in fact you only dream of having a decent job, not living far from home with a few holiday a year, a small family and a homey wife then why wouldnt you make thay clear to me sooner? You never said that either so how would i know if i was pushing you too far.. even to this day i dont know what he wants.. my biggest dilemma is "hes unhappy right now and thats why he is the way he is about us, or its just the way he is and hes unhappy because im pushing my vision of us too far"

The biggest thing that hurt was the feeling of how much of a struggle it felt like to talk about living together.. thay our dream since we started dating was to be with eachoyher fulley one day.. and we got so close and i no longer felt you wanted that.. it just felt like we had been building up to this moment, part reason i came 5 hrs away from home yo uni was so i could be at one closer to you, but the uninterested tone in your voice when regards to you moving slightly out of your comfort zone to be with me hurt so weirdly like id never expect... it hurt because i keep wondering how you were going to move and live in japan for the most part of a year, but with me a bit further than your city.. its too much.. :((

[a-ffection]

1-99 🐸

BET YOU THOUGHT I WOULDNT DO IT SCRUB. I tagged this #long post if yall dont want to see it btw sorry

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?

According to Spotify Me its 1. Hail to the King - Avenged Sevenfold 2. The Beautiful People - Marilyn Manson 3. Holy Diver - Killswitch Engage 4. Sick Like Me - In This Moment 5. Girls in Black - Airbourne 6. Shrike - Hozier 

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

MY SOULMATE DAMMIT

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

ugh ”Now the bad news, im afraid, is that we won't be home for supper.”

4: What do you think about most?

Money

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?

“Maybe not” - from you

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

Without8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)

Girls are cute; Boys are cute but at what cost?

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?

Yup

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?

Idk last week11: Do you have any strange phobias?

Public bathrooms and men with neck or face tattoos

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

When i was younger i used to stick straws up my nose

13: What’s your religion?

Roman Catholic

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

Walking the thot

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

Behind, I don't trust most ppl to take pics of me

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

Uhhh Avenged Sevenfold probably

17: What was the last lie you told?

idr

18: Do you believe in karma?

Yup

19: What does your URL mean?

It’s pretty self-explanatory 

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

Procrastination; Loyalty 

21: Who is your celebrity crush?

Currently Henry Cavill 

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

Its on my to-do list

23: How do you vent your anger?

Chores lol

24: Do you have a collection of anything?

Mushroom decor, books

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

TEXT

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

Happier yes

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

Crowds; Nature

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?

”what if i tried harder and passed this class the first time around?”

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

YES x2

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

Cell phone; cookie

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?

Nothing really

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

LA

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?

West Coast

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

Hozier

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?

To impact the world and/or its inhabitants in a positive way. 

36: Define Art.

Art makes you feel some typaway

37: Do you believe in luck?

Yes, only because i have horrible luck

38: What’s the weather like right now?

drizzling

39: What time is it?

6:23pm

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

yes and yes

41: What was the last book you read?

Sea of Strangers by Lang Leav

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?

Yes

43: Do you have any nicknames?

Jaz, Jazzy, princess, noob (curtesy of my bro) 

44: What was the last film you saw?

Ready or Not

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

Hairline fracture. Urban Air. Rock wall. Jumped off. Ouch.48: What’s your sexual orientation?

I like boys

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?

lmao YES

50: Do you believe in magic?

I believe in portals to other dimensions does that count?

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

Yup

52: What is your astrological sign?

Leo

53: Do you save money or spend it?

Both

54: What’s the last thing you purchased?

Starbucks

55: Love or lust?

Both

56: In a relationship?

No

57: How many relationships have you had?

idk

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

No

59: Where were you yesterday?

Why do you want to know frog boy?

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

Dogs collar

61: Are you wearing socks right now?

No

62: What’s your favourite animal?

Owls

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

Be really nice and smiley to them but like in a low cut blouse66: What is your heritage?

Native North American. Mexican, Spaniard 

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?

Sleeping

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?

Morningstar

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

I-

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

Yess

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

Save the dog, my boss is a cunt anyway.

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

Uhg a) Yes b) Things ive always wanted to do c) Probably 

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

Love, since it comes with trust anyway

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

Hail to the King

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?

6744

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

Communication, trust, honesty, time, consideration, maturity, sexual attraction

77: How can I win your heart?

Have these traits: Beard, muscles, weeb, a sweetheart, sense of humor, be Catholic, have a decent career path, give me all the attention

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?

yes

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

uhh

80: What size shoes do you wear?

9 in heels; 9.5 in shoes

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

Something that will make goth kids take pictures on my grave

82: What is your favourite word?

Bastard

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

The Sacred Heart cause im catholic and hispanic

84: What is a saying you say a lot?

Bad words and insults

85: What’s the last song you listened to?

Old Time Religion - Parker Millsap

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?

Teal, Green, Red, Black, and Pink

87: What is your current desktop picture?

A pretty forest

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

Id save it for a rainy day

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

”Have you ever watched hentai?”

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

Put collars on them and teach them tricks

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

Healing - people, the land, etc.

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

dunno

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

Ive already did that according to the therapist i had

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

Im saving myself for marriage 

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

Ireland

96: Do you have any relatives in jail?

Yes

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?

Yes, when i was a kid

98: Ever been on a plane?

Yes, to Cali

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?

Your governments will always consider your freedom a burden

#long post #not-racist-frog

[littlebitoffanfic]

Eventually

Fandom: TMNT Characters: Mikey, April Relationship: Mikey/reader Request: Hello! I absolutely love your work! Could you do a tmnt ff where Mikeys s/o is coming over to visit but walks into April and him kissing but what she didn't know was that April had just initiated it and didn't know they were dating. S/o has body and self issues (chubby) says something along the lines of "I knew something like this would happen eventually, I'm not angry, I'm happy you found someone better than me" and runs home hating herself for not being good enough. Mikey follows and comforts you walked towards the lair, a soft smile on your lips. Mikey had called you earlier, saying he really wanted to see you and wanted you to come over. Having been dating in private for about 6 months and things couldn’t be going better. It had been your idea to keep it quite for a while. You didn’t want to be judged by the others, not that they would. Your low body image and self worth issues were a big obstacle in the relationship, but Mikey seemed not to mind. You truly believed he loved you now. He always wanted to see you, to be with you. While overdramatic at times, his want for you allowed you to forget that nagging voice in the back of your mind for just a moment. Of course, that changed when you were alone. But then your phone would ping with a message from Mikey about how he couldn’t stop thinking about you. Slowly but surely, you felt yourself becoming a little more confident. It was only trickles, like sand, but it was building. It wasn’t with everything you did, just when you were with him, but it could lead to so much more. you were incredibly grateful to Mikey, not just for his love but for his support. Hes so use to being the clown, that you thought this might be a challenge for him, but its not. Glancing at your phone, you saw you had made it here in record time as you walked into the living space of the lair. But then your heart stopped. IN the centre of the room, was April standing on her tip toes and pressing her lips against Mikey’s. She had her hands on his shoulders and her body pressed to his. In a moment, you felt everything you had worked towards, everything you loved, shatter into a million pieces. You should have seen this coming, you should have seen it from a mile off. There was no chance that he would chose you over her. Tears streamed silently from your eyes and the only sound that alerted them to another person presents was your phone dropping from your hand and clattering on the floor. Mikey jumped as he pulled back, his eyes moving towards the noise and meeting your stunned and heart broken figure in the door way. Your mouth slightly open and you eyes wide with surprise. April looked at you too, her cheeks lighting up red as she stepped back from Mikey. “[y/n], it aint what-“ Mikey moved quickly towards you, his voice shaking as he left a confused April behind him. You shook your head as you bend down to grab your phone from the floor. You didn’t want a reason to have to come back here. When you stood back up, Mikey was in front of you, his hands on your upper arms. “Its not-“ He stuttered, his eyes giving away something you had never seen in them before. Fear. “Its okay.” Your word took Mikey by surprise as he started at you in confusion. “I knew something like this would happen eventually. Im not angry. Im happy you found someone better than me.” stepping back from him, his hands dropped from you. He sputtered a little, his mind racing as you backed away from him before running out the door. After a moment, you heard him following you but you kept going, making it into the streets before he could catch up. It was raining heavily todays, so it hid your tears from the strangers walking down the side walks who were few and far between. Occasionally you stop to nip into an alley way and sob to yourself when you were unable to hid it properly. April would be better for Mikey. She was smart and funny and incredibly attractive. You were good friends with her, which was something else which had hurt you deeply. But in her defence, she couldn’t have known anything. She had managed to get out of you one time that you were seeing someone but refused ot tell her who. She had never made the connection. eventually, you made it home. Once your door was closed, you collapsed against it, sobbing so hard into your hands that you were barely able to take a breath. Your chest ached, physically and emotionally. You felt sick to your stomach as you realised you had lost two things that meant a lot to you. Your friend, April, who you had grown close to and adored like a sister. And the love of your life, Mikey. You couldn’t stand to see them together, to see him look at her like he use to look at you. To see his arms around her, his lips on hers. you tried to breath, to get some air into your lungs, but you couldn’t. you sat, shaking on the floor of your dark apartment as every negative thought you had ever had come floor back to you, being screamed at you by every voice in your mind. your eyes squeezed shut as your body shook. “[y/n]?” A timid voice from in front of you made you jump. Opening your eyes, you saw Mikey, kneeling in front of you. His eyes were streaming with tear, his bottom lip shaking slightly. “Mikey? W-wh-what-?” you couldn’t even string a sentence together as you tried to figure out why he was here and not with her. “it wasn’t…. I didn’t….” Mikey stuttered, seeming to mirror your inability to speak properly as well. “April, she just kissed me. I didn’t, I didn’t want… I wanted you. Always. She… shes not you and I don’t…. I cant live without you. It was once. Only once. I swear. I didn’t chose her over you. I love you.” Mikey seemed to begging as he spoke, his voice shaking badly as he struggled to breath like you were. “but I saw-“ you tried to say, without having that picture in your mind. But it came back and you noticed something. When Mikey kissed you, his hands were always on you somewhere. He normally liked them to be on your waist or wrapped around you. But in that kiss, his hands were by his side and open, like he had got a fright. “She just kissed me. Once. I swear!” Mikey moved close to you but not touching you, which you were glad of. You didn’t want to be touched right now. “It doesn’t matter. You don’t have to stay with me if she-“ You tried to reason, not wanting him to think he had to stay with the poor, pathetic girl in front of him if he had a chance with someone else. But he shook his head. “I don’t want her.” He sobbed, tears streaming down his cheeks as he spoke. “I told you I loved you. Only you.” “Mikey?” You moved so you were sitting on your knees in front of him. You had never seen him so distressed like this in his life. He was shaking and crying, why? Because he thought he had lost you? “I didn’t realise you thought I would eventually…” Mikey trailed off, his gaze coming up to meet your own. “Most people do. Its fine. I just want you to be happy.” You try to calm him down despite your own appearance being just as bad as his. “Im happy with you. Happier than ive ever been before.” He reaches out, taking your hands in his own shaking ones. “Is there a chance we could… that you would-“ His question was left unfinished when your phone buzzed and April photo and contact came up with a message. She had tried to call you a couple of times on your way back. ‘Im so so so sorry. I didn’t know you and Mikey were together. I would have never done anything if I thought it would hurt you. Nothing more happened. I kissed Mikey, I admit it. But it was a rash decision. I was just feeling lonely. I know it doesn’t excuse what I did, and I never meant to hurt you or to cause any problems between you and him. And I know theres no competition between you and I and Mikey would chose you in a heartbeat. I just thought you had been seeing someone and I saw how happy they made you. I love you - you are like a sister to me. I hope you can forgive me.’ you read the text over again as she confirmed everything Mikey had just said. Placing the phone o the side, you look up at Mikey, who was staring at you. “I’ll do anything to make it up to you.” He breathed, earning a soft smile from your lips as you looked down. Yes, you were hurt. Yes, it would take a lot to regain the trust that had been broken tonight, but it was malicious on either of their sides. They weren’t doing it to hurt you. April had been desperate for affection which you knew was something she was known to do. Could she even have been jealous of you and your mystery lover. And Mikey had come straight to you, he was begging for you back. Looking back up to him, you knew you couldn’t send him away or reject him. “You can start by ordering a pizza.” You said, your voice still shaking but not nearly as bad as it was. Your response took Mikey off guard as he stared at you for a moment before a smile dawned on his face. You much preferred to see him smiling that upset. you slowly got to your feet, and Mikey followed, even helping you stand when you back ached from the way you had been sitting. Once on your feet, Mikeys eyes dipped to your lips. “is it too soon?” he asked. You shook your head and Mikey dived at the opportunity. He wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you tight against his front as he ducked down to kiss you, his lips moving against yours in a desperate way. Your hands settled on his shoulders then running up to rest on the back of his neck as he kissed you. He pulled you to the sofa and sat you down. Running to your bedroom, he pulled through the covers. The two of you settle on the sofa, Mikey ordering a pizza with your favour toppings as you chose a movie to watch. This was what you needed. Just time with him. You messaged April back, telling her you would speak to her tomorrow properly but told her things were okay. Once again, you would have to work on trust issues with her as well, but you were willing to do that. Mikey spent the whole night with you in his arms, peppering kisses wherever he could and it made you smile. He refused to leave your side for a few days after that, but his brothers didn’t say anything. You wondered if maybe April had told them what had happened. At least you wouldn’t have to do it yourself then. You knew it was a long road ahead, but with Mikey by your side, you knew you could do it.

#tmnt #michelangelo #michelangelo x reader #mikey #mikey x reader #angst

[hontou-baka]

a post.

been awhile, hasnt it, tumblr.

i have a fair amount of followers, half of which are probably old spam and porn accounts, so i doubt anyone will read this and i doubt anyone cares. venting, self indulgence, i guess.

im not sure if im back. i hope not. not to sound condescending, but im trying to spend my time doing meaningful and purposeful stuff. tumblr is just another social media app that sucks up my time when procrastinating. but i might try to get back into art, and tumblr is maybe the best place to put that, so.... idfk.

i came back once, fleetingly, when white diamond was revealed- knowing tumblr was my best place for content and info and craving it. same goes for right now. i just finished the homestuck epilogues and needed to see others thoughts, some content, i need it for my own catharsis.

ill give my hot take on the epilogues. im sure you could already tell what my opinion is from the posts ive shared. to my relief, this seems to what the majority of others are feeling, too (based on my scrolling through the homestuck epilogue tag for a few hours). they were fucking awful. felt like an edgelord's "pain is the epitome of human emotion" fanfic. it solidified my feeling that hussie no longer cares about homestuck. no, it confirmed to me that he violently LOATHES homestuck, and perhaps even (or especially) its fanbase.

i always thought homestuck would be the most important thing to me. it was, ever since i started reading it 6 or so years ago. there will never be anything that even comes close to what homestuck was for me. it was the only thing that kept me alive through some of the hardest parts of my childhood. i made some great friends at the time because of it (not that any of them stuck around). i was planning on doing homestuck cosplays for the rest of my cosplay existence, to prove that homestuck was still my #1. i wanted to get homestuck tattoos once i was free of debt!

but the ending of homestuck left me bitter. imo, the fandoms bullshit and the hiveswap fuckery left no love in hussies heart for his creation. he wanted it over, and just ended it. but nobody was satisfied with that of course, including me. so i was ecstatic to hear there would be an epilogue. but as weeks, months, years went by with nothing... i began to accept that wed probably never get epilogues. id just love homestuck for what it was, be salty about the ending, and that was that.

then, they came.

reading the epilogue tags, i thought they were a joke, just as many others did. it sounded like every sensitive subject that could ever be tagged was in there, including shit that just seemed ludicrous. but i persisted, like a fool, desperate for the sburb-logo hole on my heart to be filled.

the prologue already gave me so many red flags. my husband had hope, liked where it was going. a huge time skip, ten years we just have to accept went by. all of the characters had drifted apart so bad it was jarring. johns depression and mistakes and regret was daunting. everything felt so off.

and it only got worse. i started with candy. i was confused that thered even be the option all written out for john to stay. at first, i thought i was going to get some good ship shit. rosemary was the only good thing about candy. johnroxy started, took the fuck off, then just... it all fell apart. not a singe character consistently behaved in a way that felt like a natural progression of the characters we followed for so many years. what was the point of jane becoming trumphilter? to angstily show the duality of man? what was the point of all of the weird ass sex? it just feels like such a forced thing, like "oh, everyones grown up now! gotta fuck, and dont you dare even THINK any of it is going to be vanilla fluff and not.... anything but that...."

im not usually one to get upset over content that most find triggering, unless its real or shown in a very real way. but, for example, i honestly felt sick when dirk killed himself. i could go on about candy but it just felt like there was so much bait for a semblance of happiness, just to make it all as bad as possible.

meat was worse. hastily attempting to tie up plot points (like lord english) while also making dirk akuma homura...

also, apparently the author of family never ends had a hand in this? ive never been one for fan fiction, but for some reason i read that one, and it fucked me up. bad. i had the worst bout of depression and even suicidal thoughts for the first time in a while because of that fic. so, it feels like hussie wanted to recruit some ruthless-ass people to make something to intentionally hurt the people who demanded so much of him for a work he clearly hates now.

i... i think i dont like homestuck anymore, EXCLUSIVELY because of this. it feels like im throwing away one of the biggest parts of myself. it hurts so much, i feel so, SO betrayed. i would rather hussie have just announced he no longer had passion for homestuck, give us a shitty .txt file of a true ending (or the gist of one), and have left it there. but i guess that wouldnt have made him money now that viz bought the franchise.

i think, i will not come back to tumblr. it hurts. i had plenty of reasons for leaving, including everyone dipping out of homestuck. and i have other interests now that just dont align with the tumblr ive made and the followers i have (not like, core shit like lgbt+ rights or anything, im just really into health/fitness and particularly nutrition and i doubt my followers signed up for that plot twist). without homestuck, its even more just a painful past that haunts me here.

thanks for everything, if anyone ever even reads this. it was fun while it lasted.

-Hanna, aka hungoverterezipyrope

#i dont even remember my personal tag anymore... #the sickest thing about all of this is i will might always keep up with homestuck. #if i come back- it will be a completely new account #with no fandoms. just health and fitness and nutrition and shit like that i guess.

[killerqueenjoy]

99 Question Tag

okay okay I know i got tagged to do this like a month ago on my main blog by @santonicababy iM SORRY LIN ILY BUT THIS WAS SO DAMN LONG

1) DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR CLOSET DOORS OPEN OR CLOSED

I sleep in the room where everybodies closets are and they all gotta be closed goddamn do you know how spooky it is to even have one open during the night

2) DO YOU TAKE THE SHAMPOOS AND CONDITIONER BOTTLES FROM HOTELS

my parents do, but alas I don't use them in case they have silicones or sulphates in them because I got a whole lotta curls to protect

3)DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR SHEETS TUCKED IN OR OUT?

if this refers to the sheet protecting the mattress, then my answer is in because how the fuck would you be able to sleep with that moving around???

4) HAVE YOU STOLEN A STREET SIGN BEFORE

NO SORRY IM BORING

5)DO YOU LIKE TO USE POST IT NOTES

heck yeah, but for random shit

6) DO YOU EVER CUT OUT COUPONS BUT THEN NEVER USE THEM

nee my parents are fancy fuckers who use the coupons on their phone (our local supermarket has a damn app skskksksk)

7) WOULD YOU RATHER BE ATTACKED BY A BIG BEAR OR A SWARM OF BEES

a bear because its one giant son of a bitch and not millions of tiny motherfuckers and also I've never been stung by a bee and intend to keep it that way because majority of my family seem to be allergic

8) DO YOU HAVE FRECKLES

nope! I have a couple beauty spots on my hands and face but thats kinda it

9) DO YOU ALWAYS SMILE FOR PICTURES

not really but if I've been told to smile then its 200% dead inside

10) WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE

i find many things annoying

11)DO YOU EVER COUNT YOUR STEPS WHEN YOU WALK

only when i go up and down stairs, but i also try to make sure i step with each foot equally (if that makes sense) and i step on only certain colour tiles when im bored

12) HAVE YOU EVER PEED IN THE WOODS

the real question is have i ever been in the woods? both answers are no

13) HAVE YOU EVER POOPED IN THE WOODS

refer to question 12

14)ummmm idk what this question is meant to be curse you Lin

15)DO YOU CHEW YOUR PENS AND PENCILS

nope, the idea weirds me out

16) HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE YOU SLEPT WITH THIS WEEK

none, this week and in general

17) WHAT SIZE IS YOUR BED

one person and a long yet smol doggo size

18) WHAT IS YOUR SONG OF THE WEEK

Eddie from the Rocky Horror Picture Show has been stuck in my head for the whole week so yeah i guess that

19)IS IT OKAY FOR GUYS TO WEAR PINK

HeLL YEAH DUDE HAVE YOU SEEN RAMI MALEK IN PINK

SKSKSKSKS END MY LIFE

but yeah, anyone can wear anything they want to wear (although a suit made out of meat might not be wise)

20) DO YOU STILL WATCH CARTOONS

dudeeeee scooby doo and tom and jerry are my jam I watch them on the regular (among other things)

21)WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVOURITE MOVIE

uhhm idkkkkk I tend to repress bad movies sksksk

22)WHERE WOULD YOU BURY HIDDEN TREASURE IF YOU HAD SOME

idk shove it in the closet ig at least it will be hidden behind my sexuality

23)WHAT DO YOU DRINK WITH DINNER

I usually only drink before or after but ig water??? cooldrink if I'm in a restaurant

24)WHAT DO YOU DIP A CHICKEN NUGGET IN

depends on the nug

25)WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE FOOD

How dare you assume i only have one favourite

tbh it depends cos i love pizza and pasta and stuff but then i cannot live with my granny's curries ksksmks

26) WHAT MOVIES COULD YOU WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND STILL LOVE

borhap, sing street, rhps, the natm movies, the harry potter movies, any mcu movies

27)LAST PERSON YOU KISSED/KISSED YOU

ahhahahahahahha bold of you to assume anyone wants to do that

28) WERE YOU EVER A BOY/GIRL SCOUT

nope but I was a catrobat which is basically my preschools acrobatics team that was actually really terrible

29)WOULD YOU EVER STRIP OR POSE NUDE IN A MAGAZINE

nahh m8

30) WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE A LETTER TO SOMEONE ON PAPER

this week for a transactional task at school (It was in Afrikaans and I got a C skskskks)

31)CAN YOU CHANGE THE OIL IN A CAR

omg no

32)EVER GOTTEN A SPEEDING TICKET

not old enough to drive!

33)EVER RAN OUT OF GAS

my parents never have for as long as i can remember

34)WHATS YOUR FAVOURITE KINDA SANDWHICH

cheese because I am actually John Deacon

35)BEST THING TO EAT FOR BREAKFAST

MUFFINS!!!!

36)WHAT IS YOUR USUAL BEDTIME

school nights its 11pm otherwise i dont have one lol

37)ARE YOU LAZY

YES BUT MY LAZINESS MAKES ME ANXIOUS OOF

38)WHEN YOU WERE A KID WHAT DID YOU DRESS UP AS FOR HALLOWEEN

we dont celebrate that here but i rly want to it seems fun!

39)WHAT IS YOUR CHINESE ASTROLOGICAL SIGN

Ram, which is really cool because im an Aries, so I'm sheep squared

40)HOW MANY LANGUAGES CAN YOU SPEAK

English, Afrikaans (at a basic highschool level), I could speak very vERY basic isiZulu when I was younger but I'm not sure about now, I know a bit of French and Telugu, and I'm gonna start learning Hindi soon!!

41) DO YOU HAVE ANY MAGAZINE SUBSCRIPTIONS

nee

42) WHICH ARE BETTER, LEGOS OR LINCOLN LOGS

i didn't play much with legos and i have no idea what the second one is rip

43)ARE YOU STUBBORN

to an extent

44)WHO IS BETTER, LENO OR LETTERMAN

I kept reading Leno as Lenin ffs

45)EVER WATCH SOAP OPERAS

I watch them occasionally with my granny, but I don't keep up with them very well (Kasamh Se is my shit tho)

46)ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS

no, im afraid of falling in general tho

47) DO YOU SING IN THE CAR

My dad and I bop frequently to Never Gonna Give You Up in the car, and also classic bollywood songs (we have even learnt the choreography for some)

48)DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER

i perform

49) DO YOU DANCE IN THE CAR

well theres not exactly much space

50)EVER USED A GUN

nope

51)LAST TIME YOU GOT A PORTRAIT TAKEN BY A PHOTOGRAPHER

not sure

52)DO YOU THINK MUSICALS ARE CHEESY

most are but thats why i like them

53) IS CHRISTMAS STRESSFUL

we don't celebrate because we're not Christian (we still eat a lot and exchange presents tho), but it can get stressful if we have to visit extended family, mostly because my extended family loves to insult everything about me so thats great!

54)EVER EAT A PIEROGI

not i good sir

55) FAVOURITE TYPE OF FRUIT PIE

never had one, it doesnt appeal to me

56) OCCUPATIONS YOU WANTED TO BE WHEN YOU WERE A KID

a vet

57)DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS

i am a ghost

58)EVER HAD A DEJA-VU FEELING

not that i remember

59)DO YOU TAKE A VITAMIN DAILY

yes, I take a multi vitamin, a vitamin D pill because I'm vitamin D deficient, and im not sure if this is a vitamin or not but i take evening primrose oil so that im not outwardly a bitch due to pms

60)DO YOU WEAR SLIPPERS

i wear slipper socks, because my doggo got jealous of my doggie slippers and murdered them in cold blood

61)DO YOU WEAR A BATH ROBE

i have one and rarely use it because i forget it exists

62)WHAT DO YOU WEAR TO BED

a random shirt and pants, though ive been known to kick pants off (ive been doing that since birth), occasionally i manage to get the matching pj set

63)WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CONCERT

ive unfortunately never been to a concert before

64)WALMART TARGET OR KMART

ive never seen any of these stores in my country

65)NIKE OR ADIDAS

i own neither

66) CHEETOS OR FRITOS

neither

67)PEANUTS OR SUNFLOWER SEEDS

Peanuts because thats my doggos name!

68) EVER HEARD OF THE GROUP TRES BIEN

no sorry

69)EVER TAKE DANCE LESSONS

i went to a bhangra class for about a year, and we performed for our parents at the end of that year (i was in one of the few groups that didnt have to dance in lehengas thank goodness)

70)IS THERE A PROFESSION YOU PICTURE

YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE DOING

probably something creative, but I don't mind as long as they're happy with what they're doing and its not harming others!

71)CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE

yep

72)EVER WON A SPELLING BEE

never entered one, having to spell out loud makes me anxious

73)HAVE YOU EVER CRIED BECAUSE YOU WERE SO HAPPY

i think so

74)OWN ANY RECORD ALBUMS

nope

75)OWN A RECORD PLAYER

i wish

76)DO YOU REGULARLY BURN INCENSE

my granny burns incense while I'm at school because my mom and i both get really sick when its just been lit and the smell is strong. Going to the temple is a damn nightmare because of it

77)EVER BEEN IN LOVE

no, too busy fangirling

78)WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE IN CONCERT

oof a long list

Queen, Twenty One Pilots, Waterparks, Frank Iero and the Future Violents (ffs fronk stop changin the name), Panic! at the Disco...to name a few

79)WHAT WAS THE LAST CONCERT YOU SAW

refer to question 63

80)HOT TEA OR COLD TEA

both

81)TEA OR COFFEE

coffee

82)SUGAR COOKIES OR SNICKERDOODLES

sugar cookies

83)CAN YOU SWIM WELL

i wouldn't drown, but im no professional either

84)CAN YOU HOLD YOUR BREATH WITHOUT HOLDING YOUR NOSE

im doing it right now

85)ARE YOU PATIENT

eh

86)DJ OR BAND AT A WEDDING

I've only ever been to Hindi,Tamil and Telugu weddings and lemme tell you 90% of the time bands flop at those weddings because they can't sing the classics without failing miserably, so DJs are generally better. However, in that case, if a band can perform those songs, then I'd prefer a band ig

87)EVER WON A CONTEST

yep, a couple of reading contests

88)HAVE YOU EVER HAD PLASTIC SURGERY

nope, not planning on it

89)WHICH ARE BETTER, BLACK OR GREEN OLIVES

dont like olives rip

90)CAN YOU KNIT OR CROCHET

i can knit!

in fact, my friends and i are so cool that we're in our schools knitting club (which besides myself, @grandfunnyemopainter and @imjustabruh , only has 2 other members)

91)BEST ROOM FOR A FIREPLACE

lounge or study/library

92)DO YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED

i guess, its not on my goal list tho

93)IF MARRIED, HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN MARRIED

no

94)WHO WAS YOUR HIGHSCHOOL CRUSH

currently in highschool, and in love with the borhap cast, sebastian stan, stephanie beatriz and band members (theres more but yeah)

95)DO YOU CRY AND THROW A FIT UNTIL YOU GET YOUR OWN WAY

nope, i have only two ways to deal, be a total pushover or a total bitch

96)DO YOU HAVE KIDS

nope

97)DO YOU WANT KIDS

kind of undecided, but i do want more pets

98)WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE COLOUR

Dark Blue

99)DO YOU MISS ANYONE RIGHT NOW

my dog, shes been ignoring me for about four hours now because I stayed at school for an extra hour (for knitting club!)

@softspaceboibrian @roger-taylor-owns-my-wigg @im-inlovewithmycar do it cowards

[pineyyyy]

2018.

A year of roller coasters. Taught me a lot. I would say that this year was not my year. Ive been through a lot. Started with few months after finishing my spm, got my license for both motorcycle and car after few months struggling at that one hell place that I hated so much yet Im still that coward dumbass to drive the car. Everyone knows that. Sometimes I wish I did not have that anxiety when driving but idk...... I think I had great time relaxing and not doing anything after my spm. And not forgetting, my highschool friends made it super fun when we spent time together. But i am still that one useless daughter at home. Im sorry for being one, for not cooking eventhough all i ever did was scrolling through the social media. Got a job but refused to go because i thought that this was the only time i got to spend with my parents because im leaving home real soon. Got my spm results, 6As 5Bs.. everyone was hoping for more including me.... but that was just not my rezeki. I felt all my dreams were destroyed the moment i got that result but alhamdulillah got so many offers that i applied for. Upm asper, matrics science, kmku sc, dip acc kpm beranang, interview for cat-acca. I was in dilemma which one should i go for. Lastly...... my heart actually wanted kmku so bad because i wanted to drop physics bcd im suck in it, upm was a good idea too i think both of my parents would want me to go there but since my dream was to become a dentist, I rejected all and chose matriculation that was never in my list after all. Plus matric was the only way for me to make a comeback. Last minute decision got me to do everything in just one day and I went there... It was fun because you still got your highschool friends but no longer until today.... First impression of my classmates were boring.I was not being myself. I love to laugh and make silly jokes but that class was just lame. We just dont have chemistry. Alhamdulillah survived semester 1 but it was really really damn hard. I kept on feeling sick,homesick,loser in class and many more negative feelings. One of my dreams was to enter any abroad school but thanks i just wanna stay at home from now on. Final exams were damn difficult and i was just hoping to pass. Got my muet results and final results on the same day. Deep in my heart, i hoped this time is my rezeki eventhough I could not do well in exams but then I forgot Allah only helped those who helped themselves at the first place. Yes i studied my all my efforts were last-minute-efforts. And the outcome was band 4 for muet and 3.17 only for final exam. It was my fault after all. I know i have to say goodbye to all my DREAMS, dentistry jordan wadi mujib wadi hidan JUST dead sea, thank you for coming into my life. If Allah wills it, we will meet one fine day. My time of study in matriculation was the toughest i would say. I had hard time trying to understand because idk what was wrong with me why cant i received all the ilmus why is it so hard for me to understand i felt like i am the stupidest ever in class. Sometimes I wish Allah shows me what i actually did wrong... So i can improve myself. I know my parents were disappointed eventhough they kept on supporting me to do better in the future. Semester 2 was okay.... my classmates had improved a little bit but not the same like it used to be during my highschool year. they were still boring. I met a lot of new people with weird behaviours that sometimes i felt so annoyed. They tend to point out my physical appearance, my flaws and kept on trying to underestimate me and make me down. Plus boring too. Did not match my attitude that sometimes i wanna have some fun. But its okay as long as they did not influence me to do something bad then it would be fine. As time passed by, I realized my highschool friends were getting apart. Everyone had new friends. I dont mind but this one best friend of mine was not there when i needed her and only came to me when she had something to ask regarding maths and when i have food.i guess thats just life. People change. Maybe i was the one whos toxic.

[my-insanity-is-irrelevant]

You already knooooooow what's up! all of unusual asks my dude

firstly, i hate you lots of love

Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? spotify

is your room messy or clean? messy af

what color are your eyes? green

do you like your name? why? I find it to be boring

what is your relationship status? single af rn

describe your personality in 3 words or less. weird and ambivalent

what color hair do you have? blue but im a natural redish head

what kind of car do you drive? color? baby blue Oldsmobile

where do you shop?  kroger

how would you describe your style? girly punk lesbian trash

favorite social media account? My nsfw tumblr

what size bed do you have? full

any siblings? 3 sisters 2 brothers

if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why? Northern California bc im a west coast kind of gal and i like the cold and rain

favorite snapchat filter? the one with the glasses and freckles

favorite makeup brand(s)? Nyx

how many times a week do you shower? 4ish

favorite tv show? Full Metal Alchemist: Brotherhood

shoe size? 10 in ladies 

how tall are you? 5′ 6′’

sandals or sneakers? sandals i hate shoes

do you go to the gym? noooooope

describe your dream date. Buy me sushi and lay in bed with me and pretend to watch a movie while we make out

how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment? 3-4 dollars

what color socks are you wearing? black

how many pillows do you sleep with? 8

do you have a job? what do you do? Im a server at a cute lil restaurant 

how many friends do you have? a max of 10 but im only close to like 3

whats the worst thing you have ever done? didnt text my best friend back on the night of his suicide

whats your favorite candle scent? apple cinnamon 

3 favorite boy names? Nathaniel, Simon, Jace

3 favorite girl names? Daisy, Ella, Calliope 

favorite actor? Jason Momoa

favorite actress? Ellen Page

who is your celebrity crush? Ellen Page

favorite movie? What We Do In The Shadows

do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? I used to, The Kite Runner

money or brains? money, i got bills to pay

do you have a nickname? what is it? Em, Emma, Dissapointment

how many times have you been to the hospital? ive only been twice for myself but practically lived up there while my mom was sick

top 10 favorite songs. thats too much of a total discussion, which id be happy to have is someone pms me about my music tastes

do you take any medications daily? nope

what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc) neither?

what is your biggest fear? being totally without anyone to love me

how many kids do you want? none

whats your go to hair style? i just let is dry bc its too short to necessarily style

what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) a small farm house

who is your role model? Billie Joe Armstrong

what was the last compliment you received? @lisathecreep called me a godess

what was the last text you sent? I was telling one of My Boys about a cute rat video

how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real? i dont ever remember believing in him

what is your dream car? a vintage convertible bug, pastel pink

opinion on smoking? cigarettes stink and give you cancer but weed is lit

do you go to college? no

what is your dream job? working with ceramics

would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? rural

do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? no bc im picky about my shampoo and conditioner so i wont use them

do you have freckles? toooons

do you smile for pictures? occasionally

how many pictures do you have on your phone? a few hundred

have you ever peed in the woods? yes

do you still watch cartoons? yes

do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds? mcdonalds

Favorite dipping sauce? bbq

what do you wear to bed? panties and a large shirt, if that

have you ever won a spelling bee? no im shit at spelling

what are your hobbies? sleeping

can you draw? sometimes, if the stars are aligned

do you play an instrument? no

what was the last concert you saw? Never Shout Never at warped tour

tea or coffee? tea

Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts? dunkin donuts

do you want to get married? no but i want a wedding

what is your crush’s first and last initial? no clue

are you going to change your last name when you get married? no

what color looks best on you? green

do you miss anyone right now? yes, my ex cause im pathetic

do you sleep with your door open or closed? closed

do you believe in ghosts? yes 

what is your biggest pet peeve? people correcting harmless mistakes like theyre a big deal

last person you called` My Boy Eli

favorite ice cream flavor? chocolate

regular oreos or golden oreos? regular

chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? niether

what shirt are you wearing? a pink velvet crop top

what is your phone background? a painting of flowers

are you outgoing or shy? both, it just depends on the atmosphere

do you like it when people play with your hair? i absolutly love it

do you like your neighbors? i dont have any

do you wash your face? at night? in the morning? at night 

have you ever been high? i am right now

have you ever been drunk? yes

last thing you ate? pizza

favorite lyrics right now? well im drunk again and youre guilty like youre  irish catholic

summer or winter? winter

day or night? night

dark, milk, or white chocolate? white

favorite month? october

what is your zodiac sign? libra

who was the last person you cried in front of? my ex

[sanhatation]

ri’s thicc 2017 reflection post !

its still quite a few hours away from 2018 for me but i just wanted to take this time to reflect on my absolutely Lovely 2017!!! yay time 2 get sappy as i word vomit and overshare about my year on tumblr.com !!!!

thank you loads to all of my LOVELY followers !!!!!!!!! yall are the cutest, make my day on the daily ! i wish you the best 2018 that the world can offer !!! stay healthy, take time for yourself, love yourself, love others, and be kind! 💓💓

this Riley Rant here, is gonna be here for me than anything. like a Fat journal entry !! and i am an Oversharer so here she goes [jeopardy music]

to begin, i have met and befriended so many amazing people on here this year and WOW!!!!!! lovely and supportive and talented, beautiful aroha friends??? it doesnt get better than that!!!!! i would attempt to tag all of u but yall know who u are ;)) im endlessly grateful to those of you who have really made being on here worth it. heck ya sometimes im like “why do i even spend time on here” but then!!!! idk sunny comes swingin in with just a heart full of love or sara comes swingin in with her eggs or marian comes swingin in with her rare pairs or j comes swingin in with her baking posts and thats not even HALF of it !!!!! seriously.....love you guys tons.

to my friends who i have had the pleasure of remaining your friend this year and getting closer to u !! i love you. i really dont know how yall handle me especially 2015/2016 me?? a MESS! yall are the REALEST. again, yall know who u are ;)) i hope we can continue to talk and have fun in 2018, i wish yall the best. 

and lastly....heres a THICC shoutout to my six shining stars. 

as for me as an individual, 2017 was a freaking Whack year. it was incredible....dare i say, iconic. and now its time for.....RILEY’S 2017 HIGHLIGHTS !!!!!! (also includes: the sucky parts bc even those allowed me to grow !)

- man, did 2017 start out pretty rough when my country decided it was a good idea to elect a freakin cheeto for president. however! i had the lovely opportunity to attend the women’s march at my capital the day before inauguration !! and it was powerful!!!! truly an experience ill treasure forever!

- binch....thank u Winter Dream for my whole life. tbh i wont forget sobbing at my best friend’s house when it dropped. thank u Miss Again Dance Practice. thank u Miss You & Me MV. thank u Miss Cotton Candy Choreography. thank u. 

- ah.....when some pinhead started that tr*mp chanting at a basketball game lol! so iconic that we made the new york times! gotta love that....

- OMG !!! HOW TO SUCCEED !!!! an absolutely amazing experience. granted, the male lead was a Snake, but i had a blast. Rosemary will forever be close to my heart and ill always cry a little when i hear Brotherhood of Man or Paris Original !! such an awesome opportunity. i learned a frick ton about myself as a performer. i improved a ton in acting and dancing, and also came to learn that i am very good at receiving instructions and memorizing lines quickly. i learned that i need to work on some of my facial expressions and i also learned some of my habits ! i miss u Queenie H2$ :’’)

- had my first tap dance performance ever??? i really enjoyed learning tap, and i hope to pick it back up in the future !!!!

- BIIIIIINCCH i had the opportunity to visit my sister in korea!!!!!!! wow.....truly the BEST week of my entire year, maybe even LIFE! i went to the dog cafe, the sheep cafe, mcountdown, the lunar festival kick off, gwanghwamun palace, dongdaemun, shopped a ton around hongdae, ate food by the han river, visited namsan tower (but not without getting lost), hit the noraebang TWICE, walked into a private Fantagio board meeting, ate delicious chicken on a STIIICK, ran in the rain, ordered delivery mcdonalds, had the BEST fried chicken, met a bunch of monks, was led around dongdaemun by a very old korean man, SAW EUNWOO AND DOYEON AND RECEIVED MUCH LOVE AND NEARLY DIED, hit the convenience store literally every day, snuck out, GOT A WAVE FROM KEY :((( , bought Winter Dream and lots of skin care products and lots of cute clothes, had the clearest skin ive ever had in my life, went to a buddhist temple, witnessed a drunk man fall into the splits inbetween the ground and the subway, ran up and down 1000 subway stairs, fell in love with a man named Peanut, drank too much banana and strawberry milk, sobbed my face off at the festival as korean grandmas bowed to me, tried tons of new foods (including the nastiest bowl of cheese ramyun ive ever had in my life), bought lots of socks, rode an airplane for......like 40 hours in total? literally the best week of my Life

- had my junior vocal recital ! it was a cute girl. i felt my acting had really improved since sophomore voice recital !! 

- had prom on my 17th birthday and had a jolly good time !!! my mom made my dress and i felt like a Stunner

- dream pt. 01...she rly is that Bad Bih. best era. miss her loads. none of us ever deserved her. 

- les mis !!!!!! two whole weeks.....another Best Time. i learned so much, made so many lifetime friends, had a blast, sang my heart out.....such a freaking good time. i miss her

- got to spend the ENTIRE summer with momo!!!!!!!!!!! literally the ENTIRE!!!!! and what did we do? hit the park, watched lemonade mouth and fantastic beasts and starstruck and that random unicorn movie, made the Best slime, made that ICONIC weki meki video, laughed a ton, cried a ton, stayed up all night for the sunrise, stayed later for the sunset & thunderstorm, walked home in the pouring rain & lightning (IT IS VERY WET), went to the beach, met many dogs, got me hairs cut, befriended that Cat, and went to a painting class

- cabin week !!!!!!!!!!! whatta lovely time

- my brother’s wedding !!!! honestly? my best outfit of the year... had a bangin time. his wife is truly a cutie and i love her tons!

- there was that Mess in august and i still feel sorry to those who felt hurt because of it. i learned a lot about how things especially on the internet can be easily misunderstood and misinterpreted, so u gotta be EXTRA careful with your words ! 

- through that i also came to accept that u cant get everyone to understand or like u, and tbh that is okay for now. all we can do when we make mistakes is try to understand & learn, apologize, and try to better ourselves. and sometimes even when u do that, u still may not be liked. and thats okay. as long as you are trying your best and recognize mistakes, its all good. 

-skinny dipped at girls time wow what a freaking TIME

- woah dude i dropped out of my arts school lmao!!! the BIGGEST change in my life since 2014.;..wow! i dont even have the words to say how much stress was lifted off of me and i love senior yr !!!!

- momo came to CT!!!!!! 

- seeing svt live !!!!! but tbh the best part was seeing momo, “I LOVE A MAN WHO CAN SEW”, “I!!!!!!!!!! LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JIHOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”, “IM UNDERAGE”, and when Mo BLASTED to that other line

- LAKE COMPOUNCE LMAOOOOO I LOVE JIHOON PT2!!!!

- my mom, sister, and i took an eight week painting class! i finished two paintings and learned a ton!! honestly a good time

- dream pt. 02.....shes that other Bad Bih....absolutely adore her

- i also learned that its okay to cut people off who are toxic. especially if you have already informed them that they make u feel bad, they are not worth trying to please or keep around. take care of yourself. similarly, its okay to block people, and you dont owe them an explanation

- MADI CAME HOME !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my other half...missed her so much :(((

- riley’s calligraphy christmas !!!!! was so much fun and i loved people’s reactions and i loved learning arohas favorite astro lyrics !!!

- ah...............one of the hardest weeks of my whole life. the pain still lingers, and i know itll hit me again like a boulder the next time we see only four of my angels standing on stage. for four months, i was worried sick about another member, and i even knew he was hurting, that his mental illness was real. my heart aches and there is a piece of it missing, but it will never be replaced. i know you are much happier now, jjong. i love you. 

- and also because of that, i have been able to think a lot about how i live my life. thoughts like ‘am i watching out for my family and friends enough?’ ‘am i listening enough?’ ‘is this funny comment worth it?’ ‘am i happy?’ im trying to be better. to not take things for granted, to only be kind, to always be there for those i love, for those who love me. and i will try my hardest to not complain about small or petty inconveniences. to try harder to be optimistic. 

- christmas was with my whole family for the first time in five years ;;; she was such a cute girl!

and now on to the next act !!!! its called RILEY’S NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS !!!!!!!!!! 

1. lets start with the basic stuff that im 99% not gonna pull through on: keep ur room clean. keep everywhere u go clean, it makes mom upset. eat better, u know there is other foods in this house besides peanut butter and pepperoni and popcorn. 

2. send out at least one Lovely Ask per day. i made this goal sometime over the summer, and i did it for a few months until i started to forget ;; its not that hard, u just gotta remember to do it !! 

3. sis.....quit Procrastinating.......GET ur FREAKING application done...do ur homework the night before lmao! call who u need to !!! write those thank u cards!!!! go get them scholarships!!!! enter that graphic design contest lmao!!! just DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!! time is wasting

4. just be happy 

#hot frick this is four pages on google docs FHFJJDSLASJ #anyway heres a word dump #if u actually read this......ur insane................and i love u #about me ! #riley's thicc 2017 post #riley really really rambles

[soaimagines]

Drunk Dialling

Request:

 Imagine your away on business and Chibs calls you because Juice is having an anxiety attack and wants you & 

Imagine being away on business and Chibs calls you to come home cause Juice is drunk and only wants you.

I combined these two requests cause they were so similar, I hope y’all don't mind x also sorry these ones took me so long 

Also I am having total mind blanks when it comes to naming these so I apologise for the shitty titles lol

Text in bold is text messages x

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‘I miss you babe. 😔’ You smiled at the message on your screen and quickly typed back. ‘I miss you more, Juan Carlos x’ Maybe it was attachment issues, maybe you were both ridiculously needy or maybe you were just two kids in love. Either way, neither of you were coping well with the sudden distance between you. Ever since you had met Juice seven months ago you had been practically inseperable. It had started with countless nights spent in each others arms and eventually grown into a solid relationship. He had been warned by his brothers not to rush into anything, especially asking you to be his old lady. But when the boys had seen you two together they knew they had nothing to worry about. You were perfect for each other. You were his old lady and he was crazy about you. So crazy, in fact, that the second you had gotten into the cab to head for your business trip he was already sending you messages. But it was only for two more days. Two down, two to go. And you would be home. Juice hadn't been very pleased when you had arrived home from the office and told him about your business trip. Four days in the city. That was all. You could do it. ‘Impossible. Come home baby x’ You slid into the hotel bed and pulled the covers up around your neck as you typed back a message. ‘I wish, Juicy. Not long to go tho babe. I love you’ You curled your body into a ball and pulled the covers over your head. The hotel was nice, the company had really gone all out. But it wasn't home, and seeing the pristine room with the decorative cushions and generic paintings on the walls, and the sounds of the bustling nightlife below was a constant reminder that you weren't in Charming. It had been a big day, your boss had managed to cram eight meetings in and you were drained. You came out of your blanket cocoon only to grab the remote and turn on the television mounted on the wall. But you didn't watch the images flickering on the tv, you buried your head back under the sheets. You fell asleep to the muffled sounds of traffic and a soap opera, oblivious to the text messages from Juice blowing up your phone.

The loud ringing of your phone woke you up and you groaned, your eyes squinting shut as the bright light of the screen in the dark room nearly blinded you. Incoming call from Juice. “You better have a good reason for waking me up, Ortiz.” “Baaaaabyyyyy!!!” You raised an eyebrow and stifled a yawn as you rolled over. The alarm clock on the bedside table read 3.47am. “Are you drunk Juicy?” You grumbled into the phone. “Nope!” “Really?” “I mean I might have had a couple of drinks. Two. Maybe three.” You rolled your eyes but a grin came on your face. You could never stay mad at Juice for long and drunk Juice was always adorable, “Is that why you calling me at 3.47 in the morning?” “I missed you.” He slurred. “I miss you too, Juice.” “Come home.” You laughed and rolled on to your back and stared at the ceiling and the patterns dancing across it from the tv you had failed to turn off. “I’ll be home tomorrow night babe.” “Okay.” Juice said loudly. “Okay?” “I’ll come to you baby I’ll be there soon.” “Juice.” “Please babygirl, I need you.” You sighed and chewed your lip. “I know baby.” You could practically hear him pouting through the phone and it took another half hour before you finally convinced him to get some rest. Eventually he said goodnight and you hung up the phone. It was 4.15am now and you knew you wouldn't be able to get back to sleep, so you threw the covers back and headed for the shower. One more sleep, and you could go back to Charming.

“And so, going off the data we gathered it seems that bringing more business back to Charming could benefit not only us, but the entire state of California.” Your boss nodded approvingly at your words before taking over and addressing the rest of the people in the meeting. You shuffled the papers in front of you when you felt your phone vibrating in your pocket. You ignored it, knowing without checking that it would be Juice. He had already called you twice this morning and you had been forced to put your phone on vibrate so that his calls wouldn't disturb any more meetings. The phone went through to voicemail and you cleared your throat, trying to focus on the words your boss was saying. The vibrating began again and you took a deep breath. Juan fucking Carlos. But a quick glance down to the screen proved you wrong. Chibs’ name appeared at the top of the screen and worry instantly filled your heart. Your boss had finished talking when you stood. “I’m sorry, Ive got to take this.” Your boss nodded and you excused yourself, shooting down your pencil skirt as you left the office. As soon as the door was closed behind you you lifted the phone to your ear. “Chibs? Whats wrong? Is Juice okay? Whats happened? Is he-“ “Calm down, lass.” You took a deep breath. “Is he okay?” “Aye, physically he's fine, love.” You could sense the ‘but’ in his tone of voice. “He needs you back here, (y/n). I’m sorry to call ye like this but you've gotta come home. We cant take anymore of this.” You leant against the wall, a sense of relief rushing through you. So he wasn't hurt. But you knew Juice suffered from severe anxiety attacks and by the way Chibs was speaking you knew things must be bad. “I cant come home yet, Chibby.” “Look, sweetheart. He’s rearranged everything in the clubhouse and I’m worried if he doesn't stop whistling soon Jackie boy might send him unprotected into Mayan territory.” You smirked into the phone. Whistling was a habit anxious Juice had picked up a while back and even though you loved him dearly, his whistling drove you mad. “Keep him safe a little while longer? I’ll leave soon.” “Aye. Hurry, love. I don't think Happys too impressed with his whistling either.” You laughed and thanked the Scot before hanging up the phone. You had just slid it into your pocket when your boss walked out of the office. “Everything okay?” “Not really.” You put your years of drama lessons in high school to work, and within seconds you had fake tears running down your cheeks. “Its my dog, umm..Tiggy. He's sick.”  It wasn't really a lie. Your boss wrapped an arm around your shoulders and squeezed you comfortingly. “I need to get her to the vet.” “Of course, (y/n). Take all the time you need.” “Thank you.” “I hope Tiggy gets better soon.” “Me too.” You wiped the tears away with the back of your hand and turned away, heading for your hotel room. “Me too.” You repeated, smirking to yourself.

The cab pulled up in front of your house and the driver turned to you. You could tell by the expression on his face that he was questioning why a woman dressed all in a business suit would be stopping at a house that was blasting 90’s rap music, but he accepted your payment and helped you get your bags out of the boot. It was mid afternoon and the sun was still beaming down on you as you hauled your bags to the front door. The music was so loud that Juice didn't hear the front door open and you ditched your bags in the living room before kicking off your high heels. You pulled your hair out of the slick bun you had been wearing all day and treaded across the carpet. Following the strong smell of bleach that was drifting through the house you made your way to the bathroom. Juice was shirtless, wearing sweatpants and yellow rubber gloves. The bathroom was spotless and sparkling, and you wondered how many times in the last three days had he cleaned this room. He was scrubbing the tiles in the shower, his back turned and you smiled to yourself as you studied his back muscles tensing as he worked. A bucket of water sat in the centre of the room and you crept inane dipped your hands in the hot water. “What the fuck?” Juice practically yelled as he felt drips of water being flicked onto his bare skin. He turned and when he saw you he nearly kicked the bucket across the room. “Babe!” He wrapped his arms tightly around you, pulling you tight against his body and burying your face in his chest. “Cant. Breathe!” “Sorry.” He smiled at you sheepishly and released his grip on you. “You missed a spot.” You said, pointing to a spot on the wall behind him. “Where?” There was panic in his voice and he turned to the wall with wide eyes. You instantly felt guilty but you tore your shirt from your body, exposing your bra. He turned back to you, his brows furrowed but when he saw your half naked body he licked his lips. “I missed you.” “I missed you, baby.” He whispered, his hands grabbing hold of your hips. “Why don't you show me how much, Juicy?” You reached on your tiptoes and pulled his lips to yours. Juice leant forward, reaching down and lifted you up, your legs wrapping around his waist. He growled and you squealed as he arrived you to the bedroom and threw you onto the bed.

“Please don't leave me again.” You looked up at him, from your spot in the nook of his arm while the two of you were curled up together, naked in the sheets. “i won’t, baby.” He kissed the top of your head and traced patterns on your shoulder with his fingers. “Im not.. good on my own.” You sat up and took hold of his face, forcing him to look at you. “Juan Carlos Ortiz, you ,listen to me. I am here. I will always be here.” “But what if your boss wants to take you on another trip? Or you get sick of me? Or-“ You pressed your lips against his, silencing him. You left them there till you felt him relax and you pulled away. “I’m not going anywhere. And if my boss wants to go away I’ll just tell him that our dog is sick and I cant leave him.” “We don't have a dog.” You smiled. “Not yet.”

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@i-want-to-be-watered-by-roger @daniehelene27 @hellsmurf96 @thejulietfarciertlove @blustar02 @homicidalteenagedream @sons-of-anarchy-fan @trinasoftballgirl 

If you want to be added to the tag list for any or all Sons please let me know.x

#sons of anarchy juice #soa juice #juice soa #juice ortiz #juan carlos ortiz deserved better #sons of anarchy juan carlos #Juan Carlos Ortiz #juan carlos #juan carlos ortiz imagin #sons of anarchy chibs #sons of anarchy happy #sons of anarchy opie #sons of anarchy kozik #sons of anarchy #soa #samcro imagine #samcro juice #soa fanfiction #samcro fanfic

[xsunflowerkid]

1-100 - for the unusual game!

1-Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora?

♧ spotify!!

2-is your room messy or clean?

◇ messy well if I have to be honest my room is messy and clean at the same time if that makes sense lol.

3-what color are your eyes?

♡ my eyes are light brown and I love them.

4-do you like your name? why?

♤ I hate when people call me by my full name, but I love it cause it means lilac in Bulgarian and I really like lilacs - they smell really good!

5-what is your relationship status?

♡ ??

6-describe your personality in 3 words or less.

◇ a baby, emotional, caring.

7-what color hair do you have?

♧ I'm usually a brunette, but atm my hair color is a mix between dark purple and brown.

8-what kind of car do you drive? color?

♤ I dont drive.

9-where do you shop?

♡ lots of places actually, but I dont really know the names lol

10-how would you describe your style?

◇ I dont even have a style lol, I just love clothes that are comfy.

11-favorite social media account?

♧ tumblr and Instagram.

12-what size bed do you have?

♤ I dont really know the size of it but it fits just 1 person.

13-any siblings?

♡ I have an older sister.

14-if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? Why?

◇ Spain, Russia or UK, just because I love them.

15-favorite snapchat filter?

♧ I dont have one.

16-favorite make up brand(s)?

♤ I dont really wear make up, so I dont have one.

17-how many times a week do you shower?

♤ I shower everyday and wash my hair every 3 to 4 days.

18-favorite tv show?

♤ switched at birth

19-shoe size

♤ in depends on the shoes, but anywhere between 39-41.

20-how tall are you?

♤ 166cm (5'5)

21-sandals or sneakers?

- sneakers all the time!

22-do you go to the gym?

-yeah, sometimes.

23-describe your dream date

-on the beach.

24-how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment?

-my money are not in my wallet rn, so none haha

25-what color socks are you wearing?

- one white and one black.

26-how many pillows do you sleep with?

- one or two.

27-do you have a job? What do you do?

-im a cashier at a grocery store.

28-how many friends do you have?

-idk I dont count them? Lmao

29-whats the worst thing you've ever done?

-i'll keep this to myself.

30-whats your favorite candle scent?

- I dont have one, they make me feel sick.

31-3 favorite boy names?

- August, Santos, Miguel.

32-3 favorite girl names?

-Mia, Lilian, Cara.

33-favorite actor?

-i dont have one.

34-favorite actress?

-chloe grace moretz

35-who is your celebrity crush?

-chloe grace moretz and Billy eilish.

36-favorite movie?

- lost and delirious.

37- do you read a lot? What's your favorite book?

- yes and the book thief.

38- money or brains?

-brains!! I dont care about the money.

39-do you have a nickname? What is it?

- уиуи(idk how it's spelled in English lol) and Lil.

40-how many times have you been to the hospital?

-lots of times. Let's say it's more than 20 haha

41-top 10 favorite songs?

1. Halsey- nightmare

2. Skillet -hero

3. Skillet - monster

4. Skillet - Feel invincible

5. Hayley kiyoko- what I need

6. Panic! At the disco - hey look ma I made it.

7. Gabbie hanna - butterflies

8. Gabbie hanna - pillow case

9. Gabbie hanna - perfect day (a True story)

10. Gabbie hanna - Medicate/broken girls.

42-Do you take any medication daily?

- yes I do.

43-whats your skin type? (Oily,dry,etc)

-oily

44-what is your biggest fear?

-dark, rejection, death, ghosts.

45-how many kids do you want?

-2or 3

46- what's your go to hair style?

- dont really have one, depends on my mood and how lazy I am haah

47- what type of house do you live in? (Big,small,etc)

-i live in an apartment.

48-who is your role model?

-my mom and gabbie hanna

49-what was the last compliment you recieved?

-umm I think it was that I'm beautiful, idk.

50-what was the last text you sent?

-"Happy birthday you old bitch. Thank you for everything you've done for me, I'm so lucky to have you as my bestie, don't forget that I'm always with you, right by your side, and don't you dare finding a new bestie in Germany. Wish you all the best and ilysfm ❤❤❤🍰🍰🎂🎂🎂🍰🎂🍰"

51-how old were you when you found out Santa wasnt real?

- I was pretty young I think - somewhere between 6-8 years old - I recognized my grandmother's handwriting on one of the gifts haha.

52-what is your dream car?

- range rover.

53-opinion on smoking

(Ghh I'm getting tired of answering those questions haha)

it's bad, dont do it kids (I smoke, but still)

54-do you go to college?

-nope I dont.

55-what is your dream job?

- a writer or a photographer.

56-do you rather live in a rural areas or the suburbs?

-maybe a rural area idk.

57-do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels?

-ive done it just once, haha.

58- do you have freckles?

-yess, really small one around and on my nose, but I want more.

59-do you smile in pictures?

-yes, even tho I hate my smile.

60-how many pictures do you have on your phone?

-3780.

61-have you ever peed in the woods?

-mhm.

62.do you still watch cartoons?

-yes I do and I love them.

63-Do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy's or McDonalds?

-ive never tried chicken nuggets+we dont have wendy's in Bulgaria.

64-favorite dipping sauce?

- ketchup.

65-what do you wear to bed?

- a tshirt or just my underwear.

66-have you ever won a spelling bee?

-whats that??

67-what are your hobbies?

- writing, reading and taking pictures.

68- can you draw?

(I'm already bored and I have to finish cleaning my room ooof)

no-no, I can't.

69-do you play instruments?

-nope.

70. What was the last concert you saw?

-i dont really remember tbh.

71-tea or coffee?

-coffee of course!!!

72- Starbucks or dunkin donuts?

-never been to dunkin donuts if we even have them in bulgaria and I dont like Starbucks soooo...

73- do you want to get married?

-yes.

74-what is your crush's first and last initial?

- 🤫🤫🤫

75-are you going to change your last name when you get married?

-im not sure cause I love my last name!!

76-what color looks best on you?

-black? Idk.

77-do you miss anyone rn?

-yes I do.

78- do you sleep with your door open or closed?

-closed.

79. Do you believe in ghosts?

- yeah and I'm afraid of them.

80-what is your biggest pet peeve?

-loud chewing

-people who chew gum loudly.

-people who talk on loudly on the phone.

-noisy eaters.

-tapping, clicking oens.

And a lot more

81-last person you called?

-my mom.

82-favorite ice cream flavor?

- chocolate.

83-regular oreos or golden oreos?

-regular.

84- chocolate or rainbow sprinkles.

- I hate sprinkles.

85- what shirt are you wearing?

- a crop top t-shirt

86- what is your phone background?

87-are you outgoing or shy?

-shy asf.

88-do you like when people play with your hair?

-i absolutely love it!!!

89-do you like your neighbors?

-i like some of them and hate some of them.

90-do you wash your face? At night? In the morning?

- and night and in the morning

91-have you ever been high?

-yes, a few times.

92-have you ever been drunk?

-yup, I have.

93-last think you are?

- chocolate.

94- favorite lyrics right now?

- "You like broken girls because they make you feel put together.Broken girls, rip it open then you'll kiss it better"

95-summer or winter?

-spring and autumn haha

96-day or night?

-night.

97-dark, milk or white chocolate?

-dark and milk.

98-favorite month?

- August 🥰😍

99-what is your zodiac sign?

- pisces.

100- who was the last person you cried in front of?

- I think it was my aunt.

#ok that was tiring #thank you #anon #anon ask #ask meme #ask game #ask and answer #ask me questions #ask me anything #asks #ask me anons