#ive never felt more like myself!!

[drowsyfairy]

i got bangs

#i love dem #ive never felt more like myself!! #i wish i didnt wait so long but im so happy i fonally got them!! it was my first time at a salon in like 10 yrs #i found a curly place and they taught me so much about my own hair #i feel like a new woman!!! and like a doll hehe #curly hair #coquette

[vroomvroomwee]

Who was gonna tell me that sitting down on a cold hard floor alone in a room barely illuminated with only a small lamp light in the dead of night, hugging your knees while putting the same song on loop to play over and over and over again as you close your eyes and start rocking side to side softly and slowly for 30 minutes FELT SO GOOOD??

#ive never felt more fresh #i honestly teared up a bit #because i felt myself relax #i dont think i remember ghe last time i did that #god the feeling hit me like a train #stimming #is this stimming? #i think i should really get that diagnosis #autism #adhd #audhd #actually audhd #audhd things #neurodivergence #neurodivergent #neurodiversity

[roachemoji]

🤡 ⭐️ funny little cardigan 🌙 ❤️

maybe I'll actually dress up and style an outfit or something

#bo posting #my art #crochet #granny square #FINALLY TOOK BETTER PICTURES!!!!!!!!! AUGH #im still unbelievably proud of this #enjoy me never shutting up about it #its the first thing ive finished.... in months #and i feel like crying #ive been so envious of everyone around me being able to even hold a pen #and i had to chanel my creativity elsewhere and that was in this and this only #i was tired and felt guilty for how sick it made me feel to be in artistic spaces #or seeing my friends draw #like??? unproductive. helps no one?? 🗞💥🧠 #so this was my solution #its the only creative thing thats made me happy in a long time #its the only creative thing that ive done for myself lately too #doing something creatively for other people has been hard #wahhhhhhh #i want to put my creative energy ive put into crochet into more things. i dont like how hard thats been #idky i havent been able to talk about it #like articulating it properly is one thing but like? never... even tried #i think it hit when it was the only thing i could tell my therapist that i could do that made me happy rn #the only expectations were my own #wow i did NOT intend to vent but hey thanks for reading 💏💖💋💞

[werewolf-w1tch]

finally finished the dtiys that @ask-the-cat-cafe is hosting! honestly wasn't sure i'd make the deadline with finals crunch lmao

#honestly this isn't usually something i'd pick up #but i liked the idea of it and i needed a way to challenge myself i think #i took out a few cats bc i understood the want for visual clutter #but i felt that the original wasn't cluttered with intention if that makes sense? #like the push for getting every character in frame actively hurt its coherency in a way that just made it look muddled #ive never participated in a dtiys before and i had fun! #might try more in the future #tccdtiys #my art #im not gonna look too hard at the mistakes its been SO long since ive done something fully inked colored and shaded

[black-leather-sketchbook]

#wolfstar #remus lupin #sirius black #the marauders #harry potter #hello my never forgotten side blog! #ive missed you! #i could sketch more now that i have a foul mood #i surely am not capable of painting a full artwork without hating it so much i might risk throwing my pc through the window #or throwing myself #so sketches for now #ive started a while ago with a lot (a lot-lot) of sketches from reference to practice right angles and right proportions; it's always fun #then when my hand (and head) felt loose enough it was time to add my own style to it #style number 3 - to be precise lol #maybe i will draw some little scenes like i did with drarry #we'll see!

[rubitheracoon]

Who knew the first humanoid I would ever draw decently would actually be the character I've been obsessed with for the last 3 months

ANYWAY I FINALLY MANAGED TO DRAW A PERSON IM SO HAPPY!!

#ive spent the last 2+ years just saying to myself “i need to learn to draw people” and NEVER doing it because i didnt have the motivation to #then hazbin hotel pretty much turned into my sprcial interest and ive since felt more inspired to develop my art skills than ever before #like i may love this show to an actually unhealthy level but it has done so much for my neverending art block #before hazbin i had to physically force myself to draw something cuz i just couldnt think of anything #and because of that it was usually something i was comfortable with draeing #so instead of branching out to drawing different crestures i sorta just got stuck in a limbo of drawing 1 or 2 crestures #AND LOOK AT ME NOW! #i can draw deer (ofcourse) ive been figuring out how to draw cats #horses goats dragons birds snakes #ive improved so much #hazbin hotel #alastor #hazbin alastor #hazbin hotel alastor #hazbin #alastor hazbin hotel #radio demon #hazbin hotel fanart #alastor fanart #next on the agenda #hands #bleh

[elisedonut]

Luna Lavender Percy adventure

where after the war when Luna invites him to go with her to hunt for some creature he knows for a fact is not real he decides to go anyway

because by this point he is suffocating in his life and he just agrees without thinking too much or his family pushing him to like do something makes him decide to

Lavender is included because no exhibition type thing should ever be only two people thats no fun

Luna invites Lavender because she's also very stuck after the war what with almost dying (and because personality wise it's a fun choice and i like her) also she was cooped up in the school and then the hospital so i just think she would enjoy it as well as it being a distraction for her before having to join the real world again

anyway

camping for wizards is very different to like normal camping so because of that i think both Percy and Lavender could actually enjoy it even though i do think both would hate magicless camping

especially if Percy gets to be in charge of the packing and stuff because he will get a good tent

also Luna almost falls off a cliff and has to be pulled back by a spell by Percy at some point

Also also even with the scars on her being very gnarly and it messing with her self image a lot Lavender is the best out of the three when it comes to getting info from random people they come across.

Obv the info doesn't really lead anywhere because the creature in question isn't real but you know it's about the like three month long journey about the bonding about adding more trauma that none of them really need more of but now they share when they keep almost dying from wildlife shenanigans

also side note the concept of some of his family pushing Percy to get out there more. to stop being so cooped up in his house all of the time. Then Percy telling them he's going to be gone for like three months while they're just you know that is not what we meant

#percy weasley #once again on my Percy humoring Luna more often than not bullshit #luna lovegood #lavender brown #is this in a shipping sense? idk like 100% idk #can be platonic or eventually romantic ig #i have make every relationship romantic disease i think its because ive never felt it myself personally #but typically both Lav and Luna are not people i put romantically with Percy #maybe he's a third wheel a chaperone if you will

[napping-sapphic]

God i’m thinking about how easily and unknowingly strangers can grant you salvation like i found it in how my old classmate told me once that i was a kind person and it was the first time i’d ever believed it

in how a coworker once said that i always seem so happy and have a nice smile and i cried about it when i got home since i’d always been told i seem too serious or mean

in how someone once told me i was good at comforting them when i’d always thought i was bad at it

Just god they’re out there somewhere and i barely remember what they looked like and we’ll never cross paths again but they changed me so deeply, they’re out there but they’ll never know how often i revisit those memories and think of myself even just a little more kindly they’re out there and i don’t know them but they’re the most important people in the world to me somehow

#me?? having a Night™️?? more likely than you’d think #im missing the people i never really knew #and im stuck echoing their words to myself #it’s honestly so important to hear things from people who don’t have an agenda to hurt you #who didn’t form a perspective of you at 14 and never let it go #i dont know #it’s just insane how badly ive always felt about myself #how inherently true i thought it was that i was mean or cold or unlikeable #only to have so many people tell me differently the past few years #and i still feel so mean and cold and unlikeable so often because of the people close to me!! #and i probably will forever to some extent!! #and it’s such an awful feeling #but just knowing even one person saw me as kind or happy is such a balm to that pain #that even if every person i meet from here on out found me flawed #there was at least one that saw kindness and joy in me?? that’s healing #idk #idk im emotional and tired and just want to believe i can be a good person sometimes #and sometimes i feel like that one ‘you’re so nice’ i received three years ago is the only thing holding me together sometimes #god just ignore me

[wolfblood-of-anubis]

Mara Jaffray, daughter of Athena, goddess of wisdom and battle strategy.

Willow Jenks, daughter of Iris, goddess of rainbows and messages.

Mick Campbell, son of Ares, god of war and courage.

#ok so because im so happy that the percy jackson adaptation has arrived #i am not only doing incorrect quotes but TA DA ive assigned them their cabins! #i was in a long battle w myself as to whether willow was a demeter or iris child #in the end iris won #house of anubis #hoa #mara jaffray #willow jenks #mick campbell #fyi small spoiler for my choices but fabian is also a child of athena #in my head mara and fabian just never happened #never liked the pairing anyway felt last minute and forced #anyway more to come!

[waterfallofspace]

A Word-Filled Update

that no one's asking forrrr~

Sooooo, hiya~ ^^

Realized I kinda dropped out without much word, and wanted to give a lil update to anyone who may care, (and specifically to all the unfilled requests that have been sat in my inbox for months now T~T)

Dropping it under a cut because it gets quite long~ but I'll also TL;DR it with: been a bit burnt out, trying to get back into this, I apologize for all the unanswered asks, and I will be trying to get to the ones I can, but I'll be focusing more on trying to enjoy the process of making content~ Thank you to anyone who's stuck around <3

(Tw for brief mention of mental health/neurodivergencies~ nothing in depth or dark, but just incase anyone wants to avoid that <3)

Nothing serious has been going on, mostly just burn out and a bit of drama in main friend group, combined with free time just being a lot more limited recently~ (not a bad thing, most of it is because I'm getting to talk more with friends I've gotten closer to this past year~)

That said, I've been trying to get back into content, making it, reblogging it, etc, without letting it become all-consuming. I find, with the way my brain works, mostly to do to some wonderful neurodivergent tendencies, I tend to fall heavily into 'all of nothing' mentality.

This shows up in my day to day life, (ie: can't wash the dishes for weeks until I suddenly do them all in one day) and I've definitely noticed it with content creation. Need to write and finish a story in one go, record a wav as fast as possible, always afraid I'll lose that motivation.

But honestly? I love making content on here! And I'm not a huge blog, nor do I care if I am (at least trying not to, if I'm being painfully honest~) but I genuinely love making content. Whether it's just for me, a request that I am hoping one specific person will enjoy, or a story I write with a community in mind, I just love creating~

So, I'm trying to ease my way back into this! Bit by bit, let it be fun, and enjoyable, with less internal pressure to produce as much as I can, as fast as I can, and make it be perfect.

I won't lie and say 'numbers don't matter to me', if I'm honest, they do. But I'm learning more and more how to let it be about the content, and to just enjoy the process~ (and if people like it, that'll be a wonderful bonus!~)

Wooo this is getting so long, I apologize sincerely! Last thing, something I've mentioned a few times previously but never really let myself get into... requests~

I'm so honoured that people care about my content enough to have asked for things, and getting any ask, request, praise, ask lists, heck even just a 'hi!' is honestly the best part of this blog for me!

Buuuut, I definitely worked myself into burn-out before with a "every request needs to be filled and fast" mentality, that led to just... not filling any.

So! I'm going back through my inbox, and deleting some older ones that I don't have a clear vision/motivation for. I apologize to anyone who requested them, though by now it's possible they're long gone~ But I think this will help me not only start enjoying the creation process without feeling so overwhelmed, but also start actually getting more content made~

There are definitely a bunch that I still adore, and am thrilled to get to test out, but if there's one you remember sending, and you really want to see it completed, please feel free to send another ask saying what it is you want done, and I'll see if I can get that going <3

And if you've stuck it out to the end here- uh hi! ^^ I'm sorry this is so long, I'm such a words person, but I appreciate you so much, not just for any support you've offered, but just bothering to read this <3 I genuinely didn't expect most to make it this far, so thank you so deeply <3 and I hope to see you guys around as I start reblogging stuff more!~

#waterfalltalks #waterfallrambles #more like waterfallparagraphs im so sorry hahaha #been thinking about making this for awhile- but always felt so anxious??? #idk why specifically... maybe cause i cant be short to save my life #or maybe because it feels like ive left it too long?? been promising so much and never fulfilling #but i am gonna try!! not to fulfill everything but- to start enjoying it again #i worry this comes off like i have an ego... i really dont haha~ i dont expect anyone to really interact with my blog or care #it was always meant to be for ME- and i just hoped to create things ID enjoy and that #if anyone else enjoyed it too that i could start giving back to the community thats given me so much content ive adored #anyways this is a LONNNGGG post and so are these tags hahaha~ #using this blog as a journal again i think! but its mine! so okay! im gonna let myself! #gonna add here too that i might be reblogging with shorter tags for a bit- i promise its not cause im not excited!!! #just trying to make it the least overwhelming situation so i can start really getting back into ENJOYING it~ #thank you to anyone who read this far and a huge thank you to all my friends from here and anyone who stuck around <3 #i appreciate and love you all so dearly <333 #not snz

[seiwas]

a good cry always does wonders

#sorry for the vent ! feel free to scroll past ! #had a nice conversation w my bf today #let out a good cry #and idt ive ever loved him more #was anxious about sharing lots of things w him bc i didn't really know how he'd react #or was afraid of disappointing him or smth but #he could already tell #i never used to fully grasp what it meant or felt like when ppl would say: someone who knows u better than u know urself #but today he rlly showed me just that #he's been hinting smth at me for the past few months that he thinks maybe this one thing i'm trying out isn't really for me #bec i guess he could really see that i was just trying to force it #and when i was sharing how i felt today and couldn't really voice it out #he tried to help me w it and asked if i was feeling x way and y way #and it was exactly that :( he said it was cos he's been noticing it from me for a while #and he was so sweet with the way he responded too #all love and support and not in any way disappointed at all #and idk i just feel like wow. isn't that such a special thing? to have someone know and respect u like this #i appreciate how he didn't push/pry at me the months before (bc he knows i don't really like being prodded unless i share it myself) #(i like to keep things to myself for a while to give myself the chance to handle it before involving others) #and idk i'm feeling a different type of soft today #and like a huge weight was lifted off me #lovebug #i talked so much again

[toastsnaffler]

in a hilarious turn of events my flatmate didn't even know I use any pronouns....

#i thought when she was talking abt how her parents thought i was gonna come out as trans and kept checking my name/pronouns- #that the joke was that im ALREADY trans but in ways they dont know abt.... but nope she genuinely didnt know 🤭 #to be fair. i dont rly let anyone in on my gender business unless we're close enough to be dating or its an anonymous online space #like im legally cis and thats fine. idc abt ppl using my name + she/her bc thats not my gender identity its just AN identity that i use- #to navigate the world without ppl being fucking nosy bc i pass as + am sociopolitically treated as a woman (if butch lol) #to ppl who are friends ill joke that my gender is dyke (true) and to friends whose gender falls on a similar spectrum- #or who are transmasc ill talk a little more honestly abt it bc theyre usually able to understand better than anyone else #other butch dykes w a weird gender going on are the only motherfuckers who actually Get It but theyre hard to come by tbh #to be frank i dont fucking know whats going on w my gender. and i dont rly care enough to do the introspection to figure it out rn #i have so many other problems in my life and im lucky that most of my beef w gender can be solved by presenting butch + binding #and using any pronouns around other queer ppl. its actually incredibly funny to me when ppl she/her me bc its like tch. this chump hasnt #unlocked my level of gender yet. pronouns and names in general are so far disconnected from the way i exist in the world... #its just smth thats fun for me to play around with + makes me feel weird sometimes but in ways i havent distilled yet yknow #and this has been my approach to gender for like?? 4-5 years now??? and likely will continue to be for a long while.. #anyway. its not actually that surprising my flatmate doesnt know bc shes cis so ive never felt compelled to have a deeper conversation #abt gender with her. but also i could sweeaaar its been mentioned bc almost all our other friends are trans lol #and also ive been introducing myself at queer sports socials w any pronouns and i swear i talked abt that w her..... whatever #and my pronouns are on discord and shes def seen my tumblr before but maybe i didnt have them in my bio at the time... i digress #i kind of prefer cis ppl she/hering me tbh. theyre not able to they them or he him or whatever else me in a way that matters..... #altho i do find it fascinating when she or other ppl elect to use neutral or masculine terms for me. raising an eyebrow and taking notes #like when she got a job and joked abt me being her househusband.. pulling up the fem/masc tally chart and chalking a line up #a la nona the ninth.... ive been trying to figure out whos inhabiting this body my entire fucking life with no luck girl #ANYWAY just smth to think abt. im so tired i think my brain is gonna start seeping out my eyeballs #im gonna watch some more pluto and read and then -> 🛌 #another 6:30 start tomorrow woohoo #.diaries #zzzzz

[gibaraltar]

as far as social media sites go, even if some people on here are. A Lot. And there's bad corners, as per everywhere... Still, compared to Some Other Large Sites there is an appreciation for the Human here. The experience of being human, the joy of creation, exploration of the reasons we share things and the motivations and experiences of authors. Of reflecting on how works impacted us. How even simple funne posts or whatever impact us.

#in the corner ive pruned for myself at least i feel much surer that we all understand that intention in media matters lol #like. i saw a post by some tech shithead about how “the future could be that we never have to watch or read the same thing twice” #implicitly that thanks to AI we'd never have to consume the same thing twice. #and i just. felt like an alien #bc even though he was obviously being ratioed to fuck #very few people were saying explicitly “that would blow who even wants that” #but i know for a damn fact all my mutuals here who have read the same 3 books on rotation for decades bc they were formative got me lol #personal #text post #People who don't create and have in fact removed the idea that they could ever create are black holes of humanity btw #even if you think you aren't creative most of us have at least some hobby where we make SOMETHING #whether you took to mending your own shoes or DIYing or playing guitar or dnd or woodworking or 3D printing or collecting retro synths #you likely have something you relax with #channel feelings into #these people seem to have never once experienced the human concepts of exploration or creation or play. all they have is consumption. #and its making me even more mental than i already am lol

[nebucat]

spending a couple weeks away from home and away from my toxic parent in a loving and comfortable environment at my partner's home has been an interesting and eye opening experience.

#vent #just had a conversation over text with my parent and they pretty much guilt tripped me like 5 consecutive times #because i havent been home and have been operating more independently #unfortunately i cried because it sunk in how controlling of my life theyve been #and how much theyve sabatoged it #i hate it so much that ive felt so helpless and stuck in life progression paralysis #because i was never set up to succeed #and i dont want to have to depend entirely on anyone anymore #but there's still so much i dont know how to do when it comes to being an adult #part of me feels guilty for prioritizing comfort and fleeting happiness for so long #that ive neglected to do the hard parts myself like moving and taxes and indepence #things i wish i had figured out by now #regardless #the shock of having true peace when youve gone so long finding comfort in an uncomfortable situation #is astounding

[newfeeling77]

i love my friends so much my connection with other ppl makes my life worth living. i love finding common ground and understanding with regular people and understanding im part of something bigger than ill ever truly comprehend, because human relationships (to me) are another plane of understanding and love, from short once in a lifetime interactions to lifelong friendships, because its about memories and how much of a wonderful scrapbook you can make of your experiences… im grateful for every second no matter how painful or scary because i know its my only shot at living which means so much to me because i wasnt always sure id make it… i was going to just put this in my notes app out of embarrassment for sincerity but everyone i interact with gives me this feeling and that includes you people on here. its really incredible

#not sure if this makes sense bc im super drunk but im just saying. #i love my close friends old friends new friends everybody i know because it feels so good to know people. #ive been so depressed lately but i never cross over because i truly love life. experiencing new or old art all the time. #meeting new people and feeling love for humanity #learning and feeling better about myself #loving the people around me #it really is worth it despite my pain. #and i hope i never have to go to the psych ward again #and i can learn to cope… depression is a disease i suffer from but not a death sentence #and i need to believe in myself and my abilities #ill be alright… if only i felt like this when i was sober :( lets go substance abuse #anyway i wish my therapist was more helpful n not telling me its okay to pursue relationships with 40yo men

[the-gayest-sky-kid]

chat do you ever feel entirely absent from your relationships or did i miss the memo on being a person

#sorry this is the mental illness again disregard this im rambling #but. well not that ive been looking back ive always felt like this. but i always felt like i was the outsider in my ms group like #i love them dearly still and they got me through ms but like #it was always more that i was listening to them and i never got any of the jokes and they all knew each other better than they knew me #and like whenever we met up it was always me being awkward too #and then in hs it was like i was acquaintance in all of my friendships there too #because again i didnt understand anything and they were already in cliques and like. I always felt horrible bc #like you can't say no to someone youve been riding the train home with for like a month but i just never liked it #so actually thats probably on me maybe I was never open enough #aguh #even online it feels like im not providing enough of myself #aethers rants #cw vent #personal posts and stuff idk