#just fucking sucks that the same energy is not reciprocated and it makes me so upset that i could screeeeam ugh

[truly-twirls]

among the stars - c. beomgyu

Word Count: 1,437

Warnings: Reader is in a depressive episode, toxic behaviors, slight food mention

Characters: Choi Beomgyu

Genre: Hurt/Comfort (Reversed but reader is also comforted)

AO3 Link

Tags: @beomqutie

🌱🌱🌱

“You fell asleep with the TV on again.”

“And what about it? You would’ve still fallen asleep.”

So this is how tonight’s gonna go… dammit.

“Y/N, wouldn’t it be easier to just.. let me be here?”

Your vision was a bit blurred from the blankets and dried tears, but you could still make out the figure of your boyfriend sitting in front of you. You could see his eyes, and what was behind them.

Annoyance.

Truly, it was mostly worry that filled Beomgyu’s eyes, but the slightest tinge of annoyance was present and that was all you could see.

He was sick of this. Of course he was. You’ve been glued to this couch for the past day and a half, only getting up to use the restroom. Food? No. Shower? No. Water? Only because Beomgyu brings you a water bottle every now and then.

To be fair though, you slowly fell into this state over the course of two weeks. So at the very least, the switch was such a shock to you.

Nor to your boyfriend.

“Baby, I’m trying my best for you here, the least you could do is tell me what’s on your mind, yeah?”

Even that’s too much for you right now. No one asked him to stick around, you definitely haven’t. Why would he put himself through this? Does he pity you that much?

“Then leave. I never asked you to bother with this sack of shit. Door’s right over there, Gyu.” 

You didn’t dare meet his eyes as these sour words left your chapped lips.

“I never asked you to deal with how hard it’s been for us because of promotions, tours, late night practices, performances, have I? Why do you stay if I never asked you to?”

Your tongue felt knotted, blocking thoughts from becoming words with each breath. You know the answer, but for it to be reciprocated felt nearly– no, entirely impossible.

“I care about you, Gyu, I truly do. I love you, but this is different.”

“How is it different?”

“You’re out working on your career, making the most out of what’s being given to you, and here I am, rotting into this lump of leather. Tell me how us two compare to each other, it must be exhausting for you to waste any of the energy that you have at the end of the day when dealing with me.”

There was silence for a few moments as the man in front of you allowed your words, and his anguish, settle in.

“...What have I done to make you feel like this?” Beomgyu was fighting tears, but you didn’t notice. You still were focused on the wooden floorboards where your nearly empty water bottle sat.

“You must be feeling so over it. Over me. I was fine a while ago, but here I am again. Disgusting, not knowing what to feel other than hopeless. Not really sure about what. And everytime you see me on this damn couch, you have got to be annoyed. I know that I sure as hell would be if I saw myself fall into the same spot over and over again. Hell, I am fucking tired of this. So, I truly don’t understand why you’re still here, can you please just–”

“Please don’t finish that sentence.”

You wanted to oppose your boyfriend’s words, but a small hiccup made your head involuntarily jerk towards Beomgyu’s face.

He was crying. You made him cry. 

He wiped his cheek with the sleeve of his blue hoodie, letting out a dry chuckle, “I’m gonna be honest, that was a little mean, Y/N. I wish you wouldn’t see me like that.”

It was like a bucket of ice water was hurled at you, a breath of fresh air being sucked into your lungs. The weight of your epiphany almost made you collapse onto your tear-stained pillow.

Mean. That’s how your view of Beomgyu is being interpreted. Someone who’s so cruel and lacking sympathy when seeing their partner doesn’t bring them worry nor the desire to stick by their side. But rather it brings upon waves of disgust and resentment. Was that how you thought of Beomgyu as a boyfriend? As a person? 

No. Absolutely not. Quite the opposite, in fact. You’ve never met someone as patient as Beomgyu, someone who would drop everything they were doing to simply listen to your word vomit for thirty minutes, someone who was willing to understand your state of mind and navigate such treacherous waters.

He was the most amazing person you’ve had the joy of meeting. 

And you made him think otherwise.

“Oh Gyu… No. No, no, no, no.”

You felt your limbs surge with newfound energy to slide off the couch and reach towards Beomgyu, who kept a solemn expression.

“I’m sorry. I truly am, from the bottom of my heart. You didn’t deserve that, you’ve been doing everything you could, I’m so grateful baby..”

“Then why do you refuse me? You almost shun me from this place whenever you feel like this. I want to be next to you through anything the world or the mind may throw at us.”

“It’s hard for me to accept the fact that I actually have support, I guess.. It’s not just me by myself this time..”

“And it’s never gonna be just you. We can rot on this couch together.”

You chuckled, knowing that’s not really what either of you want. “I think the ground will suffice for now.” You placed a chaste kiss on Beomgyu’s cheek and rubbed his back.

“I don’t see you like that. I never have, but I am scared that one day you might. But you never disappointed me, you have never hurt me, you never not cared for me. Gyu, my heart will be yours as long as I’m still remembered.”

You took a deep breath to calm your nerves as you began again, “I’m going to trust you won’t ruin it.”

He stared at you in awe, not only from admiration at how well you were able to articulate yourself finally after nearly a week of not being able to do so, but also from how thankful to hear such a confession. He knew how difficult it’s been for you to fully trust someone with your endearments, and to be that someone? His heart was soaring among the clouds and stars.

“Y/N, I’ll protect your heart with everything I have. I only ask for one thing.”

As sweet as the reconciliation was, Beomgyu was still hurt from the words earlier, rightfully so.

“Please don’t take your emotions out on me. I don’t want to become your go-to release. I want you to be able to talk to me but not yell. Promise me that we’ll learn how to talk these types of things out?”

You nodded along as he spoke, truly reflecting on what he was saying and brainstorming ways to be able to prevent such conflicts. You had work to do, and you wanted to be the best partner and person for Beomgyu you can be. And honestly…

You wanted to be the best person for yourself too.

“I promise, Gyu.” You pressed tiny kisses along the palm of his left hand.

Giggles invaded the room as he leaned towards your face and pressed several kisses on your face in return. Soft embraces as the two bodies fell over as you relished in each other’s comfort. You wiped any remaining tears from your boyfriend’s cheeks and kissed him once more.

“I love you so much.”

“And I love you so much more.”

- Two months later -

The two of you sat on a bench at a park near your apartment, the weather was chilly and the moon was shimmering in brilliance. You had just come back from a celebratory dinner with your coworkers after receiving a promotion, and Beomgyu had recently been given a week long vacation after a successful comeback. 

Your head found its place on your boyfriend’s shoulder, you mindlessly twirled the ring that had recently met your left finger. A promise ring. You still haven’t wrapped your head around the fact that after such a long line of heartbreaks and hurt, you had found someone who would become the support to your foundation, and to be there when there’s some instability.

You looked up at the night sky and learned that even in the light-polluted city of Seoul, among the stars there was always one being who’s spirit never diminished when you look at it.

And he was sitting right next to you, nodding off into a sweet slumber.

🌱🌱🌱

#heyyyy lol #um so yes i have been in and out but uhh #trust me i rlly enjoy writing #the spurs of motivation are sparse sometimes lol #hope you enjoyed :) #truetwirls writes #choi beomgyu #choi beomgyu x reader #beomgyu x reader #txt x reader #txt scenarios #txt fluff #txt hurt/comfort #beomgyu fluff #beomgyu comfort #beomgyu angst #kpop fanfiction #hurt/comfort

[valkyrayn]

in the club // marius x reader

tags: nsfw, fingering, dirty talking, exhibitionism, public sex (or semi-public sex?)

loud music blaring on the speakers and people crowding the dance floors. your white shirts glow under the dark blue lighting. skin touching against skin, it’s hot and humid—your body slams against his as he pulls you closer by the waist. your eyes fixated on the sweat dripping down his chin.

your fist clutching onto his shirt as he leans down to suck on the skin of your neck. you feel the flat of his tongue licking the sweat off of you—the sensation so erotic it makes your cunt clench. ‘marius…’ you breathe, your fingernails sink into the skin of his back, leaving red crescents—he’s going to be the death of you.

he captures your lips with his—wasting no time sliding his tongue inside your mouth. this kiss is different, not the usual sweet, sensual kiss that you’re used to. there’s something more intense about this one—it’s hot and dirty and lewd. he moans into your open mouth, lips, tongue and teeth fighting for dominance. you reciprocate with the same energy—desperate to taste all of him.

you push him away, giving you both a chance to breathe. your forehead rests against his as you both stand there staring into each other’s eyes—filled with nothing but lust, your chests heaving and despite the loud blaring music, you can only hear his laboured breathing.

almost as if he read your mind, he throws you over his shoulder and start making his way out of the crowd and towards a dark secluded spot in the club.

the moment your feet touches the floor, your hands are everywhere on him, unbuttoning the rest of his shirt before pushing it off of him. his mouth is on you again in no time, sucking and tugging on your lower lip as he pushes you against the wall, his large hands pinning your shoulders to restrict you from moving. ‘marius…please.’ your back arches off the wall when he slots his knee between your thighs, forcing them open.

‘look at what you’re doing to me…’ he presses his body closer to you so you can feel his erection straining behind his pants—pressing against your belly. god you want him so bad, you want nothing more but to sink onto your knees and suck on his cock.

he steps back, his dark eyes on you—admiring your disheveled appearance. sweaty, the thin material of your white crop top sticking onto your skin, your nipples protruding and begging to be sucked. your lipstick smeared and hair a mess.

he’s a mess too. his hair sticking to his forehead, lips red from your lipstick. sweat dripping down his athletic body and disappearing behind the waistband of his pants—bringing your attention back to his covered erection. you feel yourself getting wetter just at the sight of that. you’re going to lose your mind when he actually strips himself fully.

‘marius…we can’t do this here. it’s too public.’

he steps closer to you again, closing in the distance. he leans down and licks the side of your neck, sending shivers down your spine. ‘let them watch…’

his breath is hot, brushing against your skin. you’re feeling lightheaded from all the sensory overload. the music becomes louder and the lights strobing more violently. you feel his large hand grab onto your thigh, lifting it up to rest against his hip while his other hand finds its way towards your cunt.

he pulls your panties aside and lightly brushes his fingers against your pussy, smearing your fluids all over before inserting his middle finger inside you. ‘fuck, you’re so wet…’ he pulls it out of your and brings his fingers towards your face. you watch him play with your cum on his fingers through half lidded eyes, your sanity slipping away slowly. marius pushes his fingers past your lips and into your mouth. ‘you know…there will be people taking pictures of us…’ he pulls his fingers out and runs his thumb over your bottom lip. ‘what will they say…when they see you bent over for my cock—willingly…”

fuck he’s right.

“maybe they’ll take videos. and then they’ll hear you screaming my name. begging for me to fuck you harder…” he inserts his fingers back inside you again, his thumb rubbing against your clit—tantalizing. teasing.

stop.

“i’ll make sure to fuck you as hard as you want me to. and i won’t stop until you beg me to…”

he curls his fingers, forcing your back to arch off the wall again, a loud moan slips past your lips.

“i won’t stop until i fill you up with my cum—until you’re full and leaking of me…”

st—op…

“what will they say…when they see you fucking the enemy?”

marius is no longer part of the nxx. he’s the enemy. you need to stop this. you must stop this. you have to—

“marius…please fuck me—“

lust won.

——

full tags (cus i didn’t wanna spoil): nsfw, fingering, dirty talking, friends to enemies to enemies who fucks?, exhibitionism, public sex (or semi-public sex?)

a.n: had a burst of inspiration and horny fuel. so this is the result. it’s 1am, i’ll fix whatever errors there are tomorrow. but for now enjoy the cliffhanger 😌

#brainrotdump #marius von hagen #marius von hagen smut #tears of themis smut #marius x reader

[apothecaryforwearysouls]

Position talk ;p

Okay so I truly feel like only a handful are viable. No karma sutra craziness here lol no pretzeling.

I'm just gonna shoot from the hip and you can add and discus as you'd like <3

Doggy is always a good go to for alot of reasons. I'm a lover of the body and it gives me a wonderful view of ass, back muscles, movements I soak up the little details! Plus being able to put my body weight down and really rutt into someone is other worldly. Not to mention the things they/I can do from the bottom (disclaimer I have yet to have the pleasure of bottoming or really ventured into that space unfortunately). I'm a sucker for matching the rhythm of the thrusts, pushing back onto them ugh!!! Reaching back and feeling them up, making out from behind all of it!

I'm also a big sucker for being ridden like just letting me lay back and be used and enjoyed while I get to absolutely admire and worship your body! Like I said details details details I'm looking at all of them, also hip grabbing no matter the position is the best thing to ever be ever. Reverse isn't something I've had any real experience with outside seeing other people do it but fuck if it wouldn't absolutely melt my brain. I'm a horny mess as it is so you give me anything and I'm absolutely addicted.

Oh oh oh big fan of bigspoon, littlespoon cuddleducking oh gods do I love that!!!! Cuddling on the couch and watching TV and suddenly pulling your bottoms down and slowly fucking them while hands roam bodies gods take me now lol. I truly am a slut and will match your horny energy as best I can!

Anywhere for the most part is game for me I'm not super shy when we get me to that comfort level. Whatever position we need to pull off to make whatever space we are in to work I'm 100000% down. Hell I know alpg of people consider 69ing to be impractical but holy hells do I absolutely love someone putting their weight down on me and letting me enjoy a full meal! Head is something for me that is so interesting to me, I haven't really had it done much at all to me. The partners I have/had just didn't have the want to reciprocate or even the desire to give me that solo pleasure. So I have this sorta obsession with it lol.

Mim a service switch so I'll do what you want me to lol.

Throwing legs over shoulders is always super fun! Like full mating press! (Breeding kink goes burr) I really tiptoe into the few sexual encounters I've had because I can become so ravenous with partners. I love sex so much and if you have that same energy I can't keep my hands off you. I just lose myself in it.

Oh another one that just came to mind but any form of standing/carrying positions!! While difficult at times oh gods does it do something to me. Like I always imagine someone standing behind me or vise versa perking me off and whispering just the dirtiest things.

Speaking of dont let anyone tell you hand stuff isn't worth doing! I use to be on that boat but I was fooling myself. Touch me, kiss me, lick me, suck me, bite me I do not care just as long as you make me yours!! Like if you actively show me that you want me physically I'm over the moon!

Not a position per se but texting, pics, phone sex definitely counts in my book. Super into it! Long distance relationships are something I have no issue with whatsoever, I will make time for you as much as I can :p. Finding ways to keep that flair alive is so so fun! You just get so innovative with ways to please your partner!! Ugh I'll for sure have to do a part 2 to this or if people respond I'll just continue talling there im on Like 2hrs sleep in 48hrs (sleepy sex is my favorite as well lol)

#<3 #spicy talk #love being open about this stuff! #im 100% and open book #feel free to comment #ask whatever #<33

[monstergirlstink]

Which animal crossing characters have the best girl stink?

Ooh this is a fun one. I mean first and foremost I gotta give it up for my girl Izzy

She's definitely rocking a cute little furry sheathe under that dress and it gets so fucking humid in that little island office with nothing but a fan to cool her down? You know she's fuming under that desk and is way too busy to properly clean herself out down there. I want a full time position under her desk slurping the scum out of her sheathe and sucking the stink off her puppernuts. She’s got so much pent up stress and I wanna slurp all of it off of her at the end of a long work day.

Sable Able's in a similar situation where she’s working super hard and never leaving her little sewing table so her fat balls are just marinating in their own stink. She’s so busy she might not even notice you while you’re guzzling her girlstink but she’s polite enough to thank you after she busts a fat load down your gullet. Over and over again. Maybe if you do a good job she might let her sister get involved (both of them!)

Gracie gives me huge “Old Gay” energy, like she’s got that air of sophistication that comes with a long life of destabilizing the establishment with her world-changing fashion designs. That means that she’s seen it all and yet she still can’t help but laugh when she sees your eyes go wide at the sight and smell of her long lady schlong when she frees it from those musty nylons. Make no mistake, all the perfume in the world can’t hide her strong, mature girlstink that’s been aged to perfection. You’ll never forget the feeling when she finishes on your face and calls you a good girl.

BONUS ROUND: VILLAGERS

People have been coming around on Hazel lately and I’m GLAD. She’s a top tier design from her cute buck teeth to her beautiful blush stickers, and I have nothing but respect for a girl who can rock those WOW BROWS. Plus I mean it might be a little obvious but a spunky little squirrel like her deserves some PHAT NUTS that are just sopping wet and waiting for a cute face to drape over. That track suit means she’s out there SWEATIN, and once you’re done sucking the steam off her sack she’s got a pair of pits that need desperate attention.

Tangy has a fat pair of naranjas and fuck anyone who says otherwise. I bet she could cum for hours with those overripe fruits dangling between her legs, and no doubt she’s got a hot steamy stream of tangy juice for anyone depraved enough to kneel down and let her loose that golden sunshine all over their face. She lives up to her name with some tart and tangy girlsmell that gets your mouth watering every time. She’s the best part of waking up.

Some people might not like Truffles. Those people are idiots. This pudgy porker has a chubby chode to match the rest of her body and you can bet her spunk slinger doesn’t stop at one or two fat loads sprayed all over your face. Plus the most important thing is that she’s more than eager to reciprocate all your hungry sniffing. That fat snorfer of hers is made to suck down girlsmell and while you’re getting drunk on her sweaty pork perfume she’ll be doing the same, snorting herself till she’s spunking on your face from the smell alone. She’s a girl who both loves AND supplies girlstink.

#ask the stink #girlsmell #trying to keep things nice and varied

[stolencrownsofplenty]

GET TO KNOW YOUR ADMIN !!

name — Phoenix; Nix is even good if you want to keep from using a mouthfull of a name :D

pronouns — They/Them/He/Him/She/Her. I prefer any of these, but am cool with they/them used mainly for convenience.

preferred comms — Just prefer discord as my main communication. Tumblr IMs are used to either add someone or if they don't have a discord at all.

name of muse — The Emperor, or in some other cases The Lamb. (They do have a mortal name, but they don't remember it so dw about it.)

experience in RP — As far as memory serves, I have 10 years of RP experience under my belt. First started on Fa.cebook with an OC I've long forgotten due to it being a self insert, but eventually settled into tumblr when I discovered the website because of meme reposts. I did not know an RPC existed on here until two years in that the community was super active at that time. Went from FN.AF muses, Stev.en Uni.verse briefly, did Por.tal 2 muses for a few months, then got stuck with MS.A muses and CO.TL canon and OC muses to make up my whole history on here. I know my way to adapt to villain and hero personalities, and have years of character study with different personalities to know my way of getting the right nudge of perfecting a character personality.

Would that be enough to say I have a passion for a my craft? That's up for you to debate lmao.

best experiences — I vaguely remember getting my entire dashboard to go into a cursing (saying fuck) frenzy for a few hours when I was posting crack commentary with a few people I don't write with anymore. The RPC for MS.A was still pretty big and active back then in 2018, so when I followed a ton of those blogs, everyone kinda knew everyone; and thats where it started. I think it even went to non MS.A blogs too, but I won't too sure since I wasn't paying attention at that point.

pet peeves/dealbreakers — In general breaking boundaries one will set for their own well being. Yet another thing that turns me way off is not being matched with the same amount of enthusiasm I may have with interacting with someone. I do try my best to interact as much as possible, but it does put a damper on ones mood when the person at the end of me reaching out doesn't really reciprocate my interested energies. Yeah, irl stuff often comes first and whatnot, but if we haven't interacted during the first few months of following each other? I'll just unfollow and softblock, just to save myself my wasted time.

Sometimes people don't click and that's okay. It still sucks, but ya gotta move on with life though.

muse preference ( fluff, angst, smut ) — i don't really have a preference, as I'm normally fine with whatever my rp buds may want to throw at me. Smut I may be semi-selective with, but its not off the table if I know you and your muse enough if that's something you're interested in. I'm still outta practice when it comes to that one, but in general I like to put my muses in situations and just let them react to it. Sometimes you can get the best threads (as long you guys got the base idea plotted out) with spontaneous works.

plot or memes — Got a preference for memes as icebreakers, but plotting does get that foot in the door as well. I like the icebreakers just to let people or myself put themselves out there because it gives people a chance to interact without the pressure of having to write someone out in major detail. But I do also prefer plotting with a loose guideline when me and my RP partner can be confident enough around each other with what we both may want out of an rp thread.

long or short replies — depends on my mood and how much energy/time i have to spare! typically though, i write longer replies; i like to give lots of detail and really set the mood with my posts. it doesn't super matter to me how much my partner writes tho, i kinda just do my own thing regardless...but shorter stuff has its perks, too. so i guess i can go either way!

best time to write —Whatever my muses is feeling tbh. I do not control how my muse energy works, but I do know I am the type of putting all my moves into one big attack and then having to rest for the rest of a gaming match sorta deal. Replies take a lot out of me and I have only a limited amount of spoons when it comes to it. I let my muse guide me and help keep them track on the way so it doesn't derail the entire thread.

are you like your muse?: I mean,,,,, They ARE a self insert I created for my own enjoyment and control fantasy, but I will say I do strictly follow the mun=/=muse rules; while my muse may be a murder and cannibalistic with a colony of followers who would die for them, I do not reflect my character. Anything that happens in fiction stays in fiction. I like my character because they help with the confidence boost, but I still keep them at a distance when it comes to "am I like my muse?" questions. I love them to pieces though as any OC creator is with their baby. Just gotta remember that if I ever met them irl I would run for the hills lmao.

TAGGED: @damnlamb TAGGING:

#dash games #ooc

[silverskyy]

God the lack of reciprocated compassion and good faith 🙄🙄

Spending all this fucking energy on trying to not step on your toes (and I know we failed we apologized at the time for the parts we understood then and apologized more when you brought it up now) and you say we bullied you?? Sometimes shit just happens man! Sometimes people miscommunicate and make mistakes and hurt each other by accident! That word fucking has intent. We were actively trying not to hurt you. You insistently ascribing malice to mistakes is actually kinda hurtful on your end??

I'm trying so fucking hard to be understanding and to recognize my privilege in the face of your life of unimaginable trauma. The ways my behavior can trigger you unintentionally. The assumptions I should examine and the ways I can't expect you to show up. But it's like in the process of advocating for yourself you refuse to recognize the ways you contribute. "I bristle at the phrase "you didn't say"" well you didn't!!! We're not mind readers. How the fuck are we supposed to know that things were hurting you if you never told us? Hell if you hadn't yet even shared the traumatic soup influencing your reactions. Which ofc you are never obligated to do but then we don't have context and we can't notice what to avoid!

God that one really gets to me, it's a pattern with you, how tf am I supposed to react to 1) you've been working to advocate for yourself and your needs more but 2) any reference to you not mentioning a problem is someone avoiding culpability. We should've been more insightful but also You Didn't Say. Not to mention we're halfway across the damn country and I had only met you online fr a few months earlier, like. No shit we're not going to pick up on everything.

I'm tired of this. I'm tired of constantly feeling like, because I have so much privilege compared to you, any time I hurt you it's malice and any time you contribute, or make a mistake, or yeah actively hurt me isn't worth mentioning and bringing it up is in fact defensiveness. I keep wanting to believe you're extending us the same grace we extend you but you don't even seem to acknowledge we're doing that. I don't want a pat on the head. I don't want a damn parade for being a good white person. I just want my friend, my partner's long time friend, to recognize that relationships are reciprocal and be willing to genuinely discuss the ways we all can work to improve. To not treat me like I'm two seconds away from stabbing him in the back.

Like no wonder you've cut so many people out of your life. I do believe that people have treated you poorly and discomfort is necessary when recognizing your own privilege, but I'm not fucking surprised people haven't been willing to put in the effort to work through that and meet your standards of behavior when talking to you about problems sucks this bad. When I'm sure any attempt to explain a situation or point out your own contribution is ascribed to ignoring privilege and your needs. And then every person who fails reinforces your perception that people aren't willing to support you and you get more defensive.

Speaking of that, I'll fucking kill you for saying my partner has a defensiveness problem. I know my protectiveness contributed to this in the first place but I don't care how dare you. The hypocrisy!! They're trying to oh so carefully advocate for their needs, the same thing you are not so carefully doing for yourself, but suddenly that's not allowed? You have free reign to throw a fit anytime people upset you but they can't get sad or be overly emotional? Without ascribing blame I might say? Jesus fuck take a look in the mirror bud. Or does their lack of trauma mean their needs are inherently worth less than yours?

Anyway to break the illusion obvs this isn't at anyone here, venting didn't help me feel less mad like I'd hoped it would, and I gotta get to work now, so bye

#personal #I am actually posting this instead of sending it away to the ether bc I do want a record. I want to remember how I felt about this #because it Is unfair and I don't want to sweep that under the rug #can't believe we've sunk over $1k into visiting you (and others) in april #can't believe I've been genuinely considering moving out there to be closer to y'all so my partner can have a support system #act like a fucking friend

[sn0tcl0wn]

long ass incoherent rant time because i'm tired of this bullshit:

i genuinely can't believe people still push the narrative that jocks are inherently egotistical assholes that get all the pussy while nerds are the overlooked underdogs women reject for shallow reasons. most jocks i know embody a certain level of friendliness and good vibes even if they're mean as hell or egotistical. meanwhile, a lot of self proclaimed nerdy guys are generally much moodier and harder to chat up on the fly.

jocks don't get girls because they're tall and buff (a lot of them are either super skinny or big boys tbh), it's because they give off positive energy, have a productive hobby, and actually want to talk to people. even if he is the worst dude alive, jocks are literally raised and trained to have positive outlooks, be personable, and to be team players. those are all very attractive traits they are literally supposed to have if they want to engage in team sports and shit.

and i know a lot of them are dicks, but when comparing my jocky friends to my nerdy ones, the jocks are actually some of the nicest, most upbeat and encouraging guys i know. those dudes are my hypemen even when i'm on my nerd shit while nerdy guys are either trying to use support as a method to get in my pants or just straight up don't care about it, especially if it's out of his scope of personal interest regardless of importance to me, their supposed friend. all my nerdy friends come to me for an uplift or to vent their frustrations with no desire for actual conversation. when we talk about art it's always what they feel they can't do or what they don't like. it's always so fucking negative all the goddamn time. i have never had this problem with jocks, if anything sometimes they're obnoxiously positive but i would rather that than have my soul sucked out by someone's misery or the fact they can't hold a discussion unless it's solely about their interests the way they like it and how everyone else sucks.

not to mention, if i hang out with my jock friends, the chances of them switching up on me the second we're alone are way slimmer. either they were always horny for me or they really do view me as their boy and don't let appearances determine how they treat me because they actually get to know me. nerds, on the other hand, act like your friend for months or even years consistently pushing how they just wanna be your friend or playing shit off as they get closer to you and figure out an in and the moment they get you alone the mask gets ripped off and if you don't reciprocate they get angry. like at least when i turn down jocks, 9 times outta 10 they take it with stride and, unless they're truly stupid and think i'm playing hard to get, they don't pursue any further. worst case scenario he calls me a fat, ugly slut and inform me at least twice that he can fuck whoever he wants while i ignore his texts.

and none of this is to say i haven't been harmed, harassed, or generally fucked over by jocks and i'm fully aware of the toxicity in the culture, but at the same people in general are willing to accept this. society doesn't actually pressure women and afab people to date jocks, they pressure us to give the pathetic nerd a chance because he was brave enough to make a gross sexual comment about you and pass it off as asking you out. i'm just sick of it.

maybe it's because i'm generally considered a jock irl but i'm sick of the slander from fucken dweebs when my worst bullies and abusers were always fuckin nerds. even the worst adults in my life. nerds. all of them. proud and loud about. everything from cosplayers to gamers to larpers; the absolute worst interactions i've ever had were in nerd spaces. meanwhile, after about age 15, nothing jocks said or did were of any significance and they usually didn't care enough to cause actual harm. they grew up and their breed of torment really is usually immature bullshit caused by an inflated ego thanks to the trophies. nerds have no reason to have those egos but they actually grow worse after age 15 and often become demons in their 20s while most jocks either end up being clueless burnouts who peaked in hs or the kind of person you find yourself admiring because their vibes are immaculate and they take good care of themselves.

i don't hate nerds because that's hypocritical and i don't hate myself or any of the wonderful women, non cishet men, and NB/genderqueer people during my lifetime being deeply engrossed in the culture. it's the Straight Men™️ and the pick mes who want their approval, but really but when we complain about jocks we mean the same brand of dude anyway so idk why nerd guys are still treated like some kind of special case where if they muster the courage to speak to you or you're nice to them for more than three seconds, you need to give him a chance.

do we really have to pity them because they're kinda creepy and like sitting on their ass and shooting virtual bad guys and watching weird shit in the spare time they have way too much of ?????? i just do not get it and i'm sick of my friends and me being called shallow whenever we say we don't even wanna hang out with those guys, let alone date them.

#every group has assholes and scumbags and abusers etc etc #why do nerds get a special pass for doing shit that would clearly not fly w the general public if any normie did it ?????????????????? #long post #rant

[faetedforglory]

Grimsley? Terrible switch. Either will do everything or next to nothing, good fucking luck figuring out which beforehand unless you tell him or he seems tired.

Bites. Bites a lot. not always to draw blood but sometimes it happens.

"Not all vampires suck blood, some suck DICK"

But you have to earn it

If you don't reciprocate when he goes down on you, you lose all generosity privileges

Chaotic stupid vampire brain go brr from emotional output. Might make his partner pass out from exhaustion afterwards while he's buzzing from being an energy/emotional vampire

Good news: will make you food (actually good food)

bad news: you're going to be very tired for the next day or so, please sleep

"Pull my hair and tell me I'm pretty"

"I bet you (insert stupid sexual wager that's a win for him no matter what)"

Loud. Unapologetically.

Do not make him stand up too fast right after, he will pass the fuck out on the floor bc he does not handle standing up fast at the best of times and just getting him to sit up could have the same result.

Clingy and asks questions solely to be annoying bc he thinks it's funny to ask if you'd still love him if he were a worm right after.

Probably makes stupid jokes, for sure likes to be a little bastard and laugh during. Likes feeling close and compatible.

Not here for flings. Hes got a kid and he's not some young vampire anymore. He wants a relationship with stability, he literally craves the emotional connection.

#nsft #( headcanon. ) #muse : grimsley #{Snsns no one asked for this} #{Woe thot vampire be upon ye}

[greenfiredragonfly]

below is a very venty vent post! so no one has to read it, lol. sorry. sometimes i just need to shout into the void when the stress builds up enough.

(and i do acknowledge that sometimes people leave sweet replies on my personal posts--to those individuals: I love you dearly.  You are lovely human beings, and I appreciate you so much even though I often don’t respond)

“Oh, I’ll do X thing! :D” *never does it*

.......it’s not like i expect a lot. i definitely never ask for a lot. but i am just. so. tired. I know I know I know that people have stuff going on, but for once in my life i would like someone in my family to just follow through.  You don’t have to care as much as I do--I’m not expecting that.  You do not have to match my energy, or reciprocate to the same fucking degree, or...fuck.  I know they’ve got issues and all the fucking mental disorders, but goddamn.. it would be nice to feel like someone else cared.

anyways, i am getting to the point of interpersonal burnout once again. i will resist the urge to ghost literally everyone :)

it’s just....i’m just so tired of putting as much as i can into relationships and getting nothing. (maybe I need to hold back a little?? should I try to not care about people as much??? ...that seems too hard--how can you put a leash on your heart? you just feel what you feel. :/ )

And! Okay!!! Everyone will say: “Just talk to them! Communicate!!!!”  As if i haven’t.  Fuck.  Anyways, they’re my family so I’m not gonna just drop them like... uh... like i admittedly have with past relationships where I was the only one putting in ANY effort (and again, i don’t need people to match me.  I just need something.) (and, yes, yes, “did you try telling them how you felt?” shut uuup i just want to complain right now). 

aahhghghhhh it kinda sucks because i’m using up all my energy. just on them. trying to...not get frustrated.

And you know what? I would also like someone to care as much as I do, for once in my life. And I know it’ll never happen!!! But!!!! What if!!!???!! What if someone one day put in the same level of effort as I did.  God, imagine. (that’s the stuff of daydreams,,, silly fantasies.  Aaaand that’s what writing fiction is for--I’ll never have it in my own life, but i can experience it in fiction, yeah? hahahaha)

....Okay.... Ugh. Whatever. I’m choosing to care because I want to, not because I’m expecting anything in return. So. It’s fine, yeah? I just need to take a nap or something and get over it. (ahahahaha “get over it” is my least favorite phrase in existence, and yet i use it on myself.) Also, the truth is that everything i do for them is at least a little bit for me as well, because making them happy makes me happy. so. at least there is that!

#vent post #sorry #feel free to ignore this!!!! #i am just complaining #i'm so tired #it's always the same story #fuuuuuuuck #i really am going to take a nap #the stress rn has tipped me over the edge and current family dynamics were just the final straw #hhhhhhh #personal #i'm so sorry for putting this on your dash #my brother last christmas: i got you this gift but it's the wrong version so i'll need to return it and get the right one #and then he never did #:/ #anyways i'm still gonna try to find a real good gift for him this year--tho it'd help if he ever responded to any of my messages *sigh*

[themelancholyofasadblackwoman]

intro 7/19

life at the moment fucking sucks. you know how you watch those tiktoks or movies or videos on youtube about growing pains and somehow empathizing with someone thats going through the same thing as you makes you feel a little more significant? yeah well, the feeling doesn't go away. growing up is about being okay with never talking to the people you thought were your life long friends every again. not because you had a fight or a falling out, but because thats how life is and people just drift apart. i want to be as candid as possible when i write my feelings out. i decided to bring blogs back alive one post at a time. no these posts wont be edited. i wont even look back to read them. i suffer from perfectionism and honestly if i went back and edited anything or read anything i wouldn't want to post this. my goal is to go back and read these in 10 years and hopefully smile at these points and show myself how much ive actually healed from now.

but back to what my intro was mainly about. growing up is experiencing love and heart break every step of the way. growing up is realizing that people are not who you percieve them as, and you are not how you percieve yourself. growing up is realizing everyone has their own story, and your more of a narrator than a main character. honestly, I don't mind being the narrator, at least I get to watch a lot of things happening from a birds eye view. but the problem about being the narrator is that in this reality, you don't know the future. i wish i got a 30 second instagram reel of the next 4 months of my life. I truly have no idea what i want to do with my future and i am scared of how much i romanticize just disappearing physically and possibly mentally. I really want to disappear. I don't want to end it all, I truly believe I have a lot more to offer in this world, but its hard when all I dreamed of as a kid was to be in a relationship and have a bunch of friends and family around me. how its looking is that ill be single forever and my friends will constantly come and go.

i feel like the love that i put into my friendships is honestly as passionate as the love i put into my family, and it sucks when people dont reciprocate that perspective. its hard to set more boundaries for myself to lower those expectations. growing up is realizing that you might have morals and expectations that you think are common sense or common decency, but are not. not everyone grows up this type of outlook. people say that you should always present your authentic self so the people that deserve you will gravitate towards you, and while I don't disagree with this, its really hard to put it into practice in this day and age. i don't know how much energy i have left to show my authentic self for those who don't deserve it. its hard to constantly have to put all of your energy into a friendship or relationship to realize that its not going to work out and you have to find it elsewhere. its exhausting. im fucking exhausted and i'm only 22. I thought 22 was going to be different. I hope 23 will be different.

I feel like the world is a battlefield and i'm getting hit from all fronts. i cant seek a relationship because men are manipulative or deceiving. i cant seek friendship because people are dealing with their own shit and will either brush you off or dump shit on you. it feels like i just cant be bothered to have friends. but i'm not the type that can be alone and not feel lonely. i'm just sick of all of this shit and getting older fucking sucks. I'm only 22 but I feel like if this is what its like to live on this early for 22 years, I can't even begin to grasp how being 40 feels.

this blog is an echo-chamber. please do not provide rebuttals. i am not looking for help. i want to this to be a self-improvement journey that was done by me, for me, and with only me.

#growingpains #gettingolder #friendship #friendtrauma #beinghappy

[november-scorpio]

002 - Interview with a Lover

The following is an interview with someone I hooked up with a few years ago. We only had the chance to hook up once before they moved out of state, but we stayed in touch, and every so often we’ll check in on each other and talk about our sex lives and sex in general. I thought it’d be fun to discuss our encounter in detail for the sake of this project.

So, I think you know me by now. I’m cerebral, I’m an over thinker, I’m obsessed with details, etc.

You really are a true Scorpio haha.

Haha facts! So, because of that, I really wanted to get into the specifics of our situation. We’re both sex positive, we’re both open books, and we ended things on good terms. It’s rare to be able to dissect something like this together so openly, so why not take advantage of that opportunity and really get into it? So I guess I’ll start with this: What attracted you to me? And furthermore - when did you know you wanted to hook up? Was it instant? Was it attraction that grew over time? Because I can tell you straight up, for me - the minute I saw you, I knew haha.

Haha aww. Well I mean, we met on Tinder, so. Obviously there was some attraction when I saw your profile, otherwise I wouldn’t have swiped on you. And obviously Tinder is pretty much for hooking up, but it’s not automatic. The guy can end up being a total douche, the chemistry could be lacking, etc, so it all comes down to how they are in person.

So when I saw your profile, I was like “He’s cute, he took the time to write an interesting profile. Let’s see what happens.” When we met, I was just like “Please be normal. Please be normal.” A lot of guys try too hard, a lot of them don’t know how to relate to women, and they blow their chances without realizing it. But we met, you were chill, your energy was the same in person as it was online, I knew I was moving soon and was just looking for something quick and casual, so, why not?

“Why not?” How romantic.

Hahaha, you know what I mean!

Haha, I’m fucking with you! But yeah I totally get it. So, was there a moment during our first date where you said “Okay, it’s happening. I’m fucking this guy.”

On my way home after our first (and only!) date, I was like, “I’m gonna invite him over to make dinner and I hope he makes a move...”

And make a move I did!

You totally did!

Okay so let’s really get into it now. Was there anything in particular that stuck out about our sex?

Yes, actually! A few things. Foreplay was definitely one. A lot of guys wanna rush through it, if they even do it at all, but you took your time with it and it seemed like you were genuinely into it.

I was. Foreplay is better than actual sex in my opinion.

Yeah I think you’ve mentioned that before.

It’s the best time to explore someone’s body and really soak up the moment. When I’m fucking, I have to consciously think about technique, making sure I’m hitting it right, making sure I don’t cum. Foreplay allows me to just live in the moment more. Plus (I think I’ve mentioned this before as well), I get my pleasure from worshipping my partner’s body, and making them feel good in general.

That’s so hot. And yeah, it definitely showed when we hooked up. Enthusiasm makes a big difference, and yeah, guys who genuinely enjoy foreplay are the best. Which brings me to the next thing that stood out and it’s also foreplay related - going down on me. Some guys are super weird about it and won’t go down on a woman right away? If at all??

Eating pussy is life!

You would think so! But some dudes are selfish and expect a blowjob but won’t reciprocate. So yeah, extended kissing, extended foreplay, then you went down on me first - it was like “Hello, hi. Who is this person?”

I know everyone is different, but I honestly don’t get guys who don’t eat pussy. Like, even if they don’t like it, most women enjoy it. And more women cum from oral than from penetration. So, you know - fucking suck it up and eat some pussy. It’s a simple act that when done right, will make both of you happy. And most men wanna be seen as these dreamy, fuck machine studs, but don’t wanna do the most basic shit to even put themselves in that conversation. You can’t be a good lover if you’re refusing to do something an overwhelming amount of women want done to them.

Okay, can we get what you just said printed on a billboard or something? Or at least on a t-shirt?

Ha! I’ll see what I can do.

No but seriously, yes. Once again, some guys take themselves out of the running early without even knowing it. It’s 2022. If you’re not eating pussy, you’re getting replaced.

Yesss. So, that’s what stood out when we hooked up? That I went down on you?

I know. The bar is on the floor. But no, there were a few more things.

Do tell. And please, be as detailed as possible.

You know, I wanna hear good stuff too! What about me? Did I stand out?

Hahaha yes! You definitely stood out. For one, your body is fucking amazing. Especially your ass.

Okay thanks, love that, but I’m gonna have to stop you right there. I know you have an ass fetish. Everyone knows you have an ass fetish. I feel like you’d love my ass no matter what it looked like???

Ha! Okay, true. But I mean, it’s still an objectively great ass. Okay how about, your ass is so nice, it would convert tit guys to ass guys. It would convert them to assism.

Assism. “How romantic.”

Don’t steal my line!

Too late! But okay, noted, I have a nice booty. Thank you, really. But what about my skills? Did you think I had skills???

I’ll say I definitely loved how you rode me. The grinding back and forth was so hot. I’m actually not really into the bouncing stuff.

Bullshit.

No seriously! I mean I’m not gonna turn down a good bounce, but grinding is just hotter to me.

Really?? Most guys like the bouncing more.

Well, as you’ve made clear here, I’m not like most guys right?

True. True. So grinding, huh?

It makes more sense doesn’t it? Clit stimulation?

Funny thing about that actually, and I was gonna bring it up before we started talking about “assism.” One of the other things that stood out to me was your attention to detail, I guess? It’s the little things. Like, at one point when I was on top, I leaned back a little, and immediately you started rubbing my clit with your thumb. And then when you were hitting it from the back, you reached around and rubbed it there, too. It’s like “Oh, he realizes the clit exists after oral.” It was nice. It goes back to the foreplay stuff of you just being genuinely interested in my body and pleasure and recognizing what it takes to get me going. You were tuned in.

Wow. Thank you. Well, now I feel bad that my answer was lame compared to yours.

It was a little lame and you should feel bad.

Haha okay, so I loved your body, I loved your grinding, and I loved your overall energy. I love the whole bubbly, perky sexual personality thing you’ve got going on.

Ohh I like that. “Sexual personality type.”

I think different people have different personalities in bed. Some are super serious, some are playful, some are romantic, some are a mix of those, etc.

Yeah for sure.

I’d like to think I’m a little bit of everything, but that’s just me.

Hmm. Well, I think you have like…relationship sex energy?

Hmmm.

In a good way! I don’t mean like a loveless relationship where you’re just going through the motions — but like, considering what we had was a one night stand, you were way more attentive and passionate than a typical one night stand. Like, it felt like we had had sex before, if that makes sense? It felt comfortable. It felt familiar.

Alright look, you gotta stop outshining me in this interview.

Sorry! Can’t help it!

No but seriously, that means a lot, thank you. I do think one night stands are inherently awkward, but also hot. Like, 9pm you’re at a bar flirting with a complete stranger, 12am you’re inside them. But I’m well aware of how big of a risk it is for women, how rare it is that they actually enjoy a one night stand, etc. And honestly, I’m not really built for one night stands. I want more. I mean, there’s always an exception of course…*ahem*.

Totally! But again, that’s why I really enjoyed our sex. It didn’t feel cheap and sleazy and awkward. Maybe it’s because we got to know each other a little bit before we actually hooked up, but yeah. It definitely felt familiar and nice.

Seriously blushing here. Damn. I’ve accepted that you’re way better at this shit than I am, and I’m a fucking writer!

Haha yesss. Perhaps I should document my own sexual adventures hmmm…

That would be a hot read tbh. You totally should. Your life is way more exciting than mine.

My life rules.

So, if you had to pick your favorite moment from our - I want to say tryst.

That word isn’t used enough. I like that. Our little tryst.

Right? Maybe I’m not such a bad writer after all. But yeah, what was your favorite moment from our little tryst?

So physically, definitely when you went down on me. But I also loved how vocal you were. Again, not something that’s really common with men.

I feel like I’m too talkative at times, but I’m not changing that. I am who I am.

No, dude, don’t. Never change that. A lot of guys don’t realize it how hot it is to hear them say things during sex. It definitely takes it to another level. Again, the little things!

Very true.

Okay can I guess what your favorite part was?

Please.

When I rode reverse.

Wow. Nailed it haha.

You’re soo predictable hahaha.

I like to think there’s a complex duality to who I am, where most aspects of my life I’m super deep and philosophical — but then it’s like, put an ass in front of my face and I go full caveman.

Absolutely. And it was so obvious too because that’s when you were talking and moaning the most!

Doggy and reverse cowgirl are finisher positions for me. Especially reverse cowgirl. I just lose control.

I think that’s so funny and so adorable. It’s like your kryptonite.

It is. It’s such an enigma. Watching an ass ride on my dick is the most beautiful image on Earth, but if I stare at it too long I blow my load and the party’s over. So it’s the best and worst thing.

I’m laughing because you did plenty of spanking and grabbing in that position, but in the heat of the moment, I didn’t really feel all of it. I woke up the next day and my cheeks felt all tender and sore and I was like “He wasn’t kidding. He really is an ass man.”

Hahaha. I’ve heard something similar from someone else. They woke up the next day and texted me “Looking at the bruises on my thighs and thinking of you.” I was like “Oh shit my bad, I left those?” She was like “Yeah when you nibbled on them. Don’t worry. They’re a nice reminder of last night.” And I was like, fuck.

Sore ass cheeks? Bruises on thighs? You really are a caveman!

Guilty. You gals bring it out of me!

And we love that for you. And for us.

I love that for us as well. So, I think that pretty much covers everything?

You don’t wanna talk about what we ended up making for dinner?

Homemade pizza.

Yes! Didn’t you just love it.

I did. Okay, now is that everything?

Pizza, pussy eating, caveman. Yeah that’s everything!

I think you just gave me the title of my next book.

[killherfreakout]

.

#ok rant on being a fic writer on this site incoming #idk like i’ve been posting my fics for almost a year and just wish i had more recognition for them :( #the worst part is seeing a post like an anon asking for headcanons or wtv about a fic and that post has MORE notes than my chaptered fic.... #haha that shit h u r t s bro like. imagine putting so much time and effort into a multichaptered fic for it to just...not get noticed #the fact that i made a similar post to this before posting the last chapter..lol i look like a damn fool thinking it would get better ig #and i ALWAYS try to support every writer and fic i come across by liking/rb/commenting/talking in the tags/sending an ask to rave abt it!!! #just fucking sucks that the same energy is not reciprocated and it makes me so upset that i could screeeeam ugh #and then whenever i talk about my wips there seems to be a good reaction which is so cool!!!!! but then when i post it’s crickets lmao..... #and this is not me fishing for compliments or expecting anything of anyone i’m just so defeated whenever i see the recognition i want on- #-my dash all fucking day man...and it makes me want to not post bc i fucking hate feeling like this and putting myself through it #but i still will bc i love to write! but :( u know #just pls support small writers it means the world :( #for real: i don’t want compliments i just want my writing to be read :( #but the sweet comments mean absolutely everything to me and i promise if you have given one i have not forgotten 💞 #end of rant sorry i needed to get this out

[asteriismos]

flashing lights — bill denbrough

pairing: bill denbrough x fem! reader

warning(s): smut, eighteen! bill denbrough, is it choking if he doesn’t squeeze?, fingering, piv sex, cursing, ig kinda degrading idk tho judge for yourself, unedited

summary: bill, the star baseball player of derry, and you, from another high school, meet in the locker room and get to know each other. 

words: 3.1k

note: don’t say i never gave you anything i am a woman of my word

sitting here in the bleachers adjacent to the baseball field, with the setting sun in your gaze and the feeling of newly spring wind on your skin, you had high hopes that your schools baseball team would win. out of all the schools in lieu with your own, bangor high school, derry’s team was the most anticipated of in the season. where most high schools in the nation favored the fall sport of football, the central part of maine where you lived actually liked baseball more, so when the first sprouts of spring showed, everyone was excited for the next season. 

you were a senior, almost finished with school and personally tasked yourself and your group of friends with trying to go to every single baseball game that you all could make it to - whether they were at home or away. 

“look, he’s up to bat,” your friend marcella said, catching your attention by lightly tapping your shoulder and motioning to the field. there you saw your close friend owen, who was the star player of your school’s team and one of your friends since you were a little kid. he was the person who introduced you to the group that you were here with now, here specifically to cheer him on. 

you saw him walk to home plate, bat in hand and getting into position to swing. your eyes took you across from him to the pitcher of the other team, who you didn’t know but could see the name displayed on the back of his shirt. denbrough. you raised your eyebrow at the last name, it didn’t ring a bell. 

the crowd started to cheer for your friend, waiting for denbrough to throw the first pitch. everything became silent, and the ball was thrown with stellar accuracy. whoever this denbrough boy was, he was seemingly a really good pitcher. when the second ball was thrown and owen missed yet again, your hand ran through your hair nervously. you could hear people whispering all around you, wondering if he was going to strike out. 

just as if someone of the heavens was listening to the anxious worries of your fellow classmates, denbrough went to throw the ball and owen swung and the ball went flying, going straight for the outfield as owen ran with all his might to first base. you cheered with your friends, yelling words of encouragement and praise towards your team. 

the game, from that point, was in your high schools favor. it was seemingly decided almost halfway through that bangor high school had it in the bag, which did nothing for any person in your crowds ego. just as the last inning was finished, your school came out victorious. 

“hopefully this means that we’re going to the championships this year,” you heard people say. “and maybe we can host it at our school so we don’t have to drive all the way out here again.” 

you were anxious to see your friend, running down the stairs of the bleachers and shouting his name, but owen didn’t hear you. sighing, you turned to your group to say, “should we get back home?” the team would have to come back by bus anyways, which sucked, because you wanted to congratulate your friend on such a good win. 

“yeah, probably before it gets too late, you know how bad those backroads are,” jake stated. “do you want to catch a ride with me? im sure marcella can take your car back.” 

half of you wanted to go with them and just see owen later, but to you, it felt like poor taste to make him wait that long. plus, maybe you could catch him before he left. you shook your head, “no, i’ll stay. i want to see the team. go without me, I'll see you tomorrow.” 

jake laughed. “okay, just don’t get lost.” he wiggled his eyebrows in a teasing manner and walked away, taking your friends with him and leaving you alone in the front of derry high school. 

you had been here once before, just for a short while and after a baseball game like right now. but that was all the way back during freshman year when you were trying to find the bathroom, you really had no idea where the locker rooms were. 

opening the large door, you started along the main hallway, looking at the posters that aligned the wall that reminded you of your own school. derry was really similar in layout, so perhaps it wouldn’t be that hard. turning the corner, you saw a sign that pointed to the gym and the locker rooms. in no time you were there, but there was no one coming out of the doors. had they already left and you missed them? it was silent. 

you put your ear to the door and listened, hearing some rustling. you knocked, but there was no answer, making you raise your eyebrow. and you don’t exactly know what prompted you to open the wooden door and make your way inside, but you did, and along the array of closed lockers, your eyes took you to the one person who was in there. 

it was the denbrough pitcher. 

you got a good look of him now, with his honeyed locks that fell messy on his forehead, standing taller than you. his back was slightly turned to you and through his jersey you could see his toned back muscles, making you lose yourself for a moment and send you almost stumbling over your feet. you knew that he was attractive from the moment you set your eyes on him but you didn’t know that he was this attractive. 

he turned around now and immediately those dazzling cerulean blue eyes landed on you, making your face heat up in realizing that this was not the visitors locker room like you had intended on trying to find. 

“sorry,” you fumbled out after a moment of shameless staring. “I was looking for my friend.” denbrough tilted his head to the side and you watched him take out a bag and push his locker door closed. instead of walking out like you should’ve, you just stood there watching him. it was in poor taste, since the longer you looked at him, you could see clearly that he was angry. 

a tiny grin came to his face. “it’s fine, no one’s in here except me anyways.” a silent moment passed and then a quizzical look came to his face, eyes falling back on you. “wait . . . weren’t you cheering on the other team?” he had noticed you, just as you were now noticing him. the room seemed a lot smaller than it had earlier and you ignored the fluttering feeling in your stomach the longer he stared at you. you didn’t even know his name. 

“yeah, it was a good game,” you shrugged your shoulders. 

“we should’ve won that game.” 

a cocky grin splayed on your features. “well, im sure you’ll get another shot next time.” you would have to play them again to secure a spot in the championships, it was still rather early in the season anyways. 

“will you be at the next game?” denbrough asked, he walked closer to you now, and there was a look in his eyes that was not easy to mistake. he was looking at you like you were a full course meal and he was the hungriest man on earth. and you liked the way that he looked at you, this gorgeous boy that you had barely met, and you wanted him to keep looking at you like that. well, you would rather him be doing other things. “maybe we could go do something together afterwards.” now you were certain of his likeness for you. 

you gave him a smirk. “well, i don’t know about that, i wouldn’t want to get involved with the opposing team.” when he noticed you were directly giving back the same energy he was giving, his feet stopped so he was just inches away from you. it took everything in you to keep yourself from grabbing him by those large muscles and - 

in a moment of weakness or just pure idiocy, you did exactly as you thought, lunging yourself forward, hands reaching for his face and pulling him into a searing kiss. when he reciprocated your movements, you had to stop another smirk from rising to your face, pushing it down and focusing on your hands that made it’s way to his soft hair. 

your kiss was unexpected by denbrough, though seemingly not unwelcome since his hands found their place exploring your sides, not being exactly gentle with his touches which you didn’t mind. this was so unlike you, doing something like this with someone you didn’t know. and to be honest, it was unlike him, too. 

but both of you were giving each other the ‘fuck me’ eyes and well, you only live once, right? 

as the kiss became more sloppy and he broke it to press kisses to your jawline and trailing down your neck, you breathed out and closed your eyes. “I don’t even know your name.” you sighed into his touches though, not really caring what his name was but knowing that it would probably be useful sometime soon. 

denbrough came back up to meet your gaze. “it’s bill,” he gave you a grin. “pleasure to meet you.” there was a sense of teasing in his tone, which you would’ve laughed at if his hands weren't reaching for where your shirt met your pants. 

“y/n,” you said weakly, already feeling your legs start to give out by the way that he was looking at you. you reached out to bill, wanting to feel his body pressed against yours again. he chuckled at your eagerness, giving you what you wanted by slowly pushing you against the lockers behind you. you felt the cool metal through your shirt and instantly realized how hot it was getting in this locker room, your skin was already on fire. 

bill reattached his lips to your skin and you spent the time trying to undo the belt that was around his pants that nicely accentuated everything that you wanted from him. thank god for baseball pants. 

tentatively, you pressed your hips against his and you heard a groan leave his throat, his lips stalling for a moment and then going back to his earlier movements. you were well aware of how excited he was, taking a moment to note that you could feel that he was absolutely fucking enormous. 

of course he was. 

as if he had enough of this teasing, his hand reached down and went straight under the band of your pants, being met with the wetness that was gathering in your panties. you bucked your hips forward into his hand and he smirked at how compliant you seemed to be with him. his other hand was gripping your side, keeping you close to him while the other pushed your panties to the side and the pad of his pointer finger came into contact with your slit. 

you moaned out and bill covered your mouth with his own, not kissing you but keeping it there. “so tell me,” he said, breath hot against you, finger tracing a line from your slick folds to your clit, making you almost keel over if it hadn’t been for his hand keeping you up and body pressing you farther into the locker. “this friend of yours, he was on your team wasn’t he?” 

you nodded, not trusting your voice. but he didn’t seem to like that, his hand stalling and not moving no matter how much you tried to gain friction. 

“answer me with words,” the hand on your side coming up to the bottom of your throat so you were forced to look at him in the face, those blue eyes on him seemingly had become darker. 

you took in a sharp breath. “yes,” you answered. his movements started again, but this time he took one finger and pushed it inside you till he was knuckle deep in, a large moan falling off of your tongue, eyes rolling to the back of your skull. 

“and how do you think he would feel seeing you like this for me? the star player of the other team?” bill’s tone was condescending and you wondered if he was normally like this, or he was just angry about the outcome of the game. his finger sped up, soon being joined with another one that slipped in with ease. you were so wet for him already. “but you wouldn’t care, would you?” 

it was seemingly rhetorical, because he didn’t wait for you to answer and instead attached his lips to your throat, teeth grazing a point that had you gasping, hand coming and tugging on those locks of his, the other falling to his neck. 

“bill,” you muttered. “please just-” you were cut off by a moan, gripping him close as his thumb came into contact with your clit and rubbed tight circles against it. 

he looked up at you from the mess he was creating on your neck. “please what?” 

“just fuck me.” 

you were really in no position to be making such requests since bill seemed to be in control (which really, you didn’t mind if it meant that he was making you feel good in the process), but at this point you were too strung out to care what he thought of the rather forward request. you knew that you needed him and you needed him now. 

bill pulled away from you and you took in his now ragged features, noticing the tint of red in his cheeks and the freckles that dotted them, and the goldenness that he seems to radiate. in some ways you hoped that this wouldn’t be your only encounter with the denbrough boy, but that was something to worry about later, since his hands were undoing the rest of his belt and you knew that was your cue to do the same with your own pants. 

soon enough you were back in the same position, one of his hands next to your head on the locker behind you as he moved to position his cock at your entrance, eyes meeting with yours as he pushed in to look at your reaction. and it was everything that he hoped to see, your mouth opening into an ‘o’ shape, lips parted and eyes never leaving his own. 

once he bottomed out, he already started a fast rhythm, giving you little to no time to adjust. but you were so needy you didn’t care, not one bit because he was making you feel so good that you wished for this moment to last forever. and you were already so wet and willing, bill couldn’t wait a second longer. 

your hands gripped onto his forearms, steadying yourself, but it was hard to keep your legs from giving out. bill must've noticed your struggle and leaned down, grabbing you by the back of your thighs and hoisting you up in his arms, using the leverage of the locker to fuck into you. 

the change in position made you quiver in his arms like putty, arms wrapping around his neck and caging him close to you. incoherent words fell from your mouth that wouldn’t close no matter how hard you tried, while his pace became fast, rough, and unrelenting. you didn’t know bill well but you could tell that he was adamant about making you feel good, which fueled the fire inside of you even more. 

if he was tired from playing the game, he didn’t even show it. bill fucked into you with such a frenzy that it was almost animalistic, which made you wonder how much energy this boy possibly had. what you didn’t know was it was your moans what were spurring him on, your moans that kept him going. bill had already been to point of exhaustion from the game but you were able to give him a second wind and he was not fucking up this one like he had fucked up in the game. his determination both of the field and in this moment caught up with him and well, he was bringing all of his emotion out. 

and you loved it so much that you couldn’t think straight. all you could do was try and keep yourself still, words stringing together into barely put together sentences of oh fuck yes and that feels so good. 

it was a moment of pure bliss that you didn’t even feel yourself start to clench around him, noticing it finally when you felt every inch of him scrape against your willing walls, bringing you closer to that cliff into a sea of pleasure that only he could give you. what finally made you break was the groans that he was making, which were hot and heavy and like heaven to your ears that you knew you would be playing on repeat before you went to sleep tonight. 

and then his hand slipped between your legs, pressing up against your swollen clit and that was it. you were sent into a state of pure, fucked out bliss as you came around him, your moans everything but silent. luckily there seemed to be no one around to hear, and if they did they didn’t bother with stopping it.

a few thrusts afterwards and with an insistent command from you to cum inside you because you were on the pill, bill came undone and it was the most beautiful thing you had ever seen in his life. as if this boy couldn’t get more perfect, haven been basically sent to you on a gift from god himself. he pulled out and you could feel the evidence slightly dripping out of you and onto your thighs. 

there was a moment of cleaning up, where he actually grabbed a towel from his locker and helped you wipe away everything and eventually sit down onto the bench between the sides of lockers. where you thought would be awkwardness, there wasn’t, a few words passed between the two of you and then you told him that you should go, you had to drive home. 

surprisingly, he asked if you needed help and then you remembered you barely knew him and shook your head. it was late anyways, he probably had things to do. 

and when you got control of your limbs again (which bill cheekily smirked at), you walked out of the high school, him trailing behind you. you gave him one last look before parting ways, and in the heat of the moment, you told him your number and to call him if he ever wanted to get together again. 

#bill denbrough #bill denbrough imagine #bill denbrough x reader #bill denbrough smut #it #IT movie #it movie 2017 #it movie imagine #it movie x reader #it movie 2019 #it smut #bill denbrough x you #stanley uris #eddie kaspbrak #richie tozier #beverly marsh #ben hanscom #mike hanlon

[hopefullystillatheatrestudent]

i'm so excited about you taking asks again ahhhh okay so. if you'd absolutely had to choose. what would be your top 5 cockles moments, and why? thank you ily <3

here’s the thing: there are so many routes i could go down with this, because cockles moments come in all shapes and sizes and formats. these include moments from their panels, their bloopers, the footage we get when they don’t even know they’re being recorded, stories being passed down from photo ops & autographs(one of my personal favorite ways to get cockles, tbh, because they’re all insane), and social media(tweets to each other, instagram posts & comments, etc.). 

SO! since many a list like this has already been made, and i want to stand out from the crowd, what i’m gonna do is definitively give the number one spot to each of these five categories.(i might even throw in honourable mentions because they’re so despicably in love that they warrant that. i really put my whole pussy into this, guys, i hope you’re happy.) 

disclaimer: these are my own personal opinions. but that also means i’m right. so. enjoy. 

number one: top cockles panel moment

so we’re starting off with a bang, because how do you even BEGIN to rank what atrocities jensen and misha commit at jibcon. every single one they’ve had is damning in it’s own right, for different reasons.

however, considering just how much unabashed fuckery they’ve given us to sift through, it’s a good thing i do have a personal favorite despite it all. it’s heartwarming, the sweetest thing i’ve ever seen, AND it’s jarringly cinematic - mainly because it has a whole ass arc to it that was years in the making. it might even be surprising to some people, but my favorite cockles panel moment, and what i consider the one that encompasses their entire gut-wrenching journey from 2008-2013 in the most sweepingly romantic gesture possible, is this one.

i want this burned into my retinas. i am not even joking. when i'm through with my explanation, let me convince you why this is thee most romantic cockles moment of all time.

first, some history: people call this the resume off, but many seem to forget the botched attempt at a resume off a year prior. and yes, you guessed it: it's during their break up. it's a juicy time period for a reason, guys. it came across as exceedingly one-sided and VERY awkward. let me refresh your memory as to just how bad it was, and just how hard jensen was trying and ultimately failing at winning misha over: the funniest part of the whole resume off in 2013??? every joke/bit had literally already been made/done. they were just going through the motions again, but the difference THIS time...is that misha reciprocated jensen's energy. it. is. fascinating. i want to get into it more detail in another post, and i'll link it here when i'm done, but the main takeaway, i think, and the main difference that showcases how much they've grown in a year, is that in jib 3, misha flat out refused to do an accent, and this time around, he indulges jensen for literal minutes. when i tell you they're crazy, they're crazy. i can't wait to actually dive into it later.

ANYWAY, the resume off culminates in this moment here. and, like, a million things happen in this gifset. actually, more like a million and one. the music starts playingneediremindyouthatthesongissingingintherain(h e l p), misha starts dancing, jensen 'perpetually fake grumpy' ackles lets misha think he's not going to join, misha sits down defeated, but no!!! that was jensen's plan all along(look at his stupid fucking smirk) and he offers his arm to his dance partner who immediately grins like a fool, jensen then leads misha into their kick step, they perfectly synchronise and let loose, and are then very clearly having the time of their lives, hanging off of each other with joy and ease. from their expressions alone i can tell that this moment is so. so. so. so! much more than what initially meets the eye. i mean-misha is fighting back the biggest smile i've ever seen. to me, it reads like jensen is offering something to misha, something that misha kind of gave up on expecting, and him offering his arm like that is like, a surprise to him in the best possible way(and it's so not platonic, let me just say that.) as soon as jensen did that, it ushered in a new era of cockles. this panel is jensen and misha's favourite for a reason, and i think this moment is the biggest clue as to why.

whew!!! ok. that took a lot out of me and that was only point one. moving on,

number two: top cockles blooper moment

cockles bloopers hold an extremely special place in my heart, because it shows just how fucking disastrous jensen and misha are. they are so goddamn infatuated with each other that they HOLD UP PRODUCTION ALL THE TIME TO FLIRT WITH EACH OTHER(???). let me repeat. let it sink in. jensen ackles; arguably one of the most professional actors on that show who puts everything he has into each scene, with mountains and mountains of notes to prove it: would rather hold up production to flirt with misha collins. this sounds fake. it's not. he does it. all. the. time. and here's the thing guys!!! i'm gonna let you in on a secret!!! misha loves it. he loveesssss it. on top of that-misha collins: overlooked because he's pranked and people assume he's unprofessional as well, but his only pranks are in retaliation/off-set, and he rarely if EVER causes problems if he can help it....lets himself get carried away when it comes to jensen making kissy faces at him!!! are you actually kidding me!!! i mean. misha. it's just a face. you've seen it a million times. i don't buy that it triggers something in you that strongly....you like it, and you like jensen's reaction. you can't fool me!!! lisa berry's face in that one gifset shows just how fed up the crew is with their gross, coupley boyfriend antics.

i could pull up so many examples. sooooooo many. but my favourite was sealed since the moment i saw it.

i actually already wrote an analysis on it but i can't find it :(((( which SUCKS because i really unpacked the whole thing. i'll try to summarise.

basically, a backstory is part of this too!!! jensen and misha both had a really really hard time with this scene(because it's explicitly romantic there i said it), they sat down for hours and poured over their scripts together, they were super super nervous going into filming, both of them, jensen especially, were super hard on themselves for their performances not being true to their characters but they both complimented the other's work(boyfriend moments fr). so, yeah. they weren't confident going into shooting. and how do they get themselves to feel better???? by cuddling each other, apparently.

a lot. a LOT. happens in this specific blooper. to the point that i saw it years before i knew about cockles and it raised all sorts of flags for me.

1) stop pulling my face towards your crotch(as a thinly veiled request that misha would, in fact, move jensen's face towards his crotch, considering it was jensen moving himself there in the first place. also, why so comfy down there guys???) 2) you're my baby daddy i know(in the most intimate voice i've ever heard please) 3) i know, i know, i love you too i didn't say i love you i know but you wanted to say it etc. misha's right, of course. that's what jensen meant.

it just reeks of comfort, familiarity and intimacy between the two, and it's a moment that is extremely sweet and silly at the same time. they're so <3

number three: top cockles found footage moment

WONDERFUL category. truly the culmination of the cockles experience. many people have said that shipping cockles doesn't work because 'they're just onstage you dummies!! they're playing it up for the audience!!!' here's the thing, love. i could not disagree with you more. once you climb your way up the cockles ladder, you soon learn that they are, in fact, playing their dynamic DOWN, not up. they really are just Like That™, and they could not care less about the paying audience, if we're being honest, considering how much time they take to giggle with each other and refuse to let the audience in on the joke. and i love them for it <3

anyway, my point is that this category is for all you naysayers out there, all you 'jensen and misha's relationship is just for show and is real life queerbaiting'(?????lordhelp???) oh yeah? ok, explain this.

he. he. he calls jensen sweetheart. literally enough said. there's nothing to really add here, except, misha and jared then immediately engage in damage control. jared's method is distraction and misha's is retconning('get out of the car, dude') this was what got me to buy into the cockles dumpster for GOOD good. you don't call your buddy sweetheart accidentally and sound so completely earnest while doing it! especially not when that buddy is jensen ackles!!! you think he would let any of his friends call him that? do you?

one more thing; if it was a slip of the tongue, little mouth thing or whatever, you think jared wouldn't have jumped on it immediately??? i can hear it now. 'did you just call him SWEETHEART???' yeah. that's what i thought. you know why he didn't? because it was too revealing.

number four: top cockles autograph moment

i mean, i think we all know what it's gonna be, and if you don't, well, do i have the piece de cockles resistance that is gonna send you over the edge.

if you haven't heard of this story by now, as a cockles, truther, i'm gonna go ahead and get you to read it, because there is no possible heterosexual explanation for any of it, and you're fooling yourself if you think otherwise.

spoiler alert: it's the story where phones weren't allowed in an auto session, jensen nuzzles himself in misha's hair, leans his full body weight onto him, holds his hand, etc. etc. i'm imploding just repeating this back, actually. also, just, the sheer amount of stories from photo ops where they tackle hug each other or slap each other's asses or sing romantic songs to each other or almost kiss is, frankly, a lot. if i could wish for anything, it would be to witness them in person.

and finally,

number five: top cockles social media moment

this one is super difficult, because there's obviously a lot to choose from. but you know what? full send, i'm going with this one:

i just. what to say about this. how often do misha and jensen watch sunsets together for it to qualify as ‘always’ ??? why are sunsets synonymous with their relationship??? that’s like??? a very romantic thing????? ‘this guy’??? the fact that it’s a CANDID??? i don’t know guys.

that could have been better but i am TIRED so. there you go rose ily

#cockles #cockles ask #liz answers #i really just. spend hours. writing about misha and his boyfriend. #why. why do i. do that #long post for ts

[bestiesenpai]

Night time - Fushiguro Megumi

Homie i like that shit too thanks for the food lol everyone is aged up 18+ and femme reader

TW: pseudo-incest, dubcon(?), somnophilia

Megumi was tired. He didn’t even want to think about the way his day had gone, and the ache in his body was more than enough to keep him occupied. He nearly fell asleep in the bath, and it was all he could do to throw on a pair of sweatpants before crawling to his room at nearly midnight.

He noticed your body as soon as he opened the door. Sleeping in his bed, all snuggled up and unaware of just how provocative your body looked with only his shirt on. He knew it was wrong to have these thoughts about you, but it’s not like you grew up together. You were close in age to him when your mother married his father, and yet your relationship didn’t feel like you were equals.

You called him big brother, even though he’d said you didn’t have to.

You trailed after him when he was home and you were bored.

You often pouted to get your way with him, and on more than one occasion you’d stolen a shirt or a hoodie to wear in your room.

He didn’t feel like waking you up and kicking you out, so he just crawled around you and settled into bed.  Your body had made it warm for him, and it was easy for him to slip in comfortably.

It was only when the brush of your bare leg against him that he dared to look under the covers. The blanket had obscured your bottom half, only coming midway up your arm, but he’d just assumed you’d be wearing shorts or something.

But the exposed skin of your cunt in the low light of the room wasn’t something he expected to see. He was a fool for thinking you’d do anything less than this, and he couldn’t stop his hand from grabbing the fabric bunched at your hips and pulling it up a little higher, to expose your belly button and the bottoms of your breasts.

Megumi knew it was wrong. There was a part of him that hated this.

Yet, his hand went under his shirt and cupped one of your breasts. Your nipple pebbled so easily under his ministrations, and he watched your sleeping face intently as it screwed up a bit from the pleasure. Tugging on the bud a few times, he switched to the other one, repeating the same motions until both your nipples were hard and peaking out from under the shirt.

His breath was on the cusp of being too loud, but Megumi couldn’t be bothered to care. Trailing his fingers down your torso, he stopped right above your cunt. His face flushed at the thought of touching you, he’d jerked himself off to the thought before, but with the opportunity right in front of him he could barely think straight.

One finger. That’s all he allowed to dip between your folds and find your clit. The wetness that had begun to form between your legs was enough lubricant for him to swirl his finger around it.

When you moaned in your sleep and rolled onto your back, Megumi’s heart thumped hard against his chest. It wasn’t that he was nervous you’d catch him and hate him, oh no. He heard you moan out his name late at night when he’s passed your room to grab water. No, he wasn’t nervous you’d hate it. He was nervous that once you woke up, he wouldn’t be able to stop himself.

Pushing your legs apart a little more, he spread your lips with his other fingers. Megumi had to bite his lip hard to stop the groan at seeing your cunt beginning to shine with arousal. He put two fingers on your clit this time, and rubbed in firm circles.

You moaned, a little louder than a sigh, and your eyes scrunched up just a little.

Unable to help himself, Megumi leaned over your body and pressed his lips to yours. It was soft, gentle, barely even there, but he loved it all the same. He didn’t need you to kiss him back, at least not now.

“G-gumi…” The slurred word on your lips was barely audible, but he still felt it. Pulling himself back, Megumi stared into your half lidded eyes. His heart was beating hard, and his ears were beginning to ring. In his stupor, he didn’t even realize his fingers on your clit had picked up, not until you let out a loud moan.

“Sh.” Slapping a hand over your mouth, Megumi’s eyes grew wider. Your fingers gripped his arm, and the sounds you were making behind his hand would be burned into his mind forever. “Just be quiet.” He said again, but he didn’t really mean it. He wished you could make as much noise as you wanted, but your parents were still right down the hall.

Even when you nodded, Megumi didn’t take his hand from your mouth. His eyes drifted down to your cunt and his glossy fingers, and he let out a low groan himself. The blanket had fallen somewhere during his ministrations, and the scent of your arousal was starting to cloud his head.

The fingers gripping his arm got tighter and you moaned a little higher, and Megumi groaned again. He knew that sound. When it was just you two in the house, sometimes he’d hear that sound coming from your room.

“Gonna make you cum.” He mumbled to no one in particular, and his fingers dipped down into your entrance. They slid in easily, and he was even able to add a third as he fucked you. With your hips pushing up to meet his fingers, Megumi could close his eyes and imagine it was his cock instead.

He no longer cared about the noise level, and his palm slapped against your cunt loudly. The already sore muscles in his arm were aching even more now from the energy he was putting forth, but he refused to stop.

You’d started to drool under his hand, dripping down your face and staining his pillow. Megumi had his eyes locked on your face again, and when you came with a loud cry, he etched your face into his memory.

“Fuck.” He grunted, pressing his forehead against the side of your face as your walls fluttered around his fingers. He fucked you through your orgasm, pulling his fingers out and rubbing your clit furiously as well.

“S-stop.” You cried, squirming legs trying to get away from the overstimulation. Biting his lip, Megumi did as you asked, and withdrew his hand. Holding it up to his face, he could smell your release. Sticking out a tongue, the second he got a taste of it, he stuck all three fingers in his mouth.

The room was quiet as you calmed down. Megumi stared at you, and when his fingers were clean, he bent down to kiss your forehead. His cock was aching in his pants, and he sat up to leave the room and take care of it.

“Wait.” Grabbing his arm, you forced him to lay back down. Your hand clumsily found the waistband of his pants, and just as you were about to grab his cock, Megumi pulled your hand away. “Big brother!”

“Quiet.” With a glare that didn’t have any bite behind it, he held your hand away from him.

“Let me make you feel good too.” You pouted, trying to push your way past him. With a little bit of struggling, you got your way, and Megumi's cock was in your hand. You’d convinced him to take off his pants as well, and he hissed when the cool air hit him.

“Make it quick.” He mumbled. He didn’t want it to be quick, he didn’t want to be harsh with you, but the last few walls he had up refused to go down. Your hand on his cock made him suck in a breath, and he was thankful for the darkness to cover up his blushing cheeks when you looked at him.

“Can we…” Leaning forward, you bumped your nose against his a few times before you found his lips. Megumi had to admit, this was better than when you were asleep. Reciprocating his actions, he was easily able to stick his tongue in your mouth and take over.

His face pressed hard into yours, refusing to let you breathe. Tongue and lips dominated yours, and when you whined and pulled away, his mouth chased yours. Pressing your head back into the pillow, his hand grabbed yours and he spit in your palm before returning your hand to his cock.

With an iron grip around your hand, he moved it faster on his cock. The pace he set was frantic, head swimming with pleasure. Letting go of your hand, Megumi was happy to see that you kept it up, even though your arm was probably screaming.

“Shi-” He cursed, feeling the first waves of his orgasm coming. Back was his hand on yours, faster this time as he came. He pulled away from your lips to press his head into the pillow, cheeks ablaze as he let out a guttural groan.

His hand refused to let go, even after he came. Megumi had been desperate for this very thing for so long, and after denying it to himself, it felt amazing to let it go. He fought through the overstimulation to milk this moment for a few seconds longer before he eventually had to stop.

It was his drool now coating the pillow, mixing in with the dark patch that was already there from you. His pounding heart was so loud he worried you’d be able to hear it, but no amount of deep breathing could calm him down.

Laying in silence, his skin prickled as it cooled, and he could feel the cum that had landed on his stomach and hands. With a few more deep breaths, he lifted his head to see his hand mostly covered in it, and some on you as well.

“Napkin.” He huffed, and you grabbed a few tissues from the side of his bed. He didn’t let you clean him up, opting to do it himself and not risk getting hard again just from you wiping him down. Once everything was clean, he tossed the napkins in the trash and fell back on the bed, his heart still pounding.

“Love you.” Quickly wrapping your arms around him, you buried your face in his neck. Megumi grunted, and the words ‘love you too’ were stuck on his lips, refusing to leave. Unable to speak, he wrapped an arm around you as well, pulling his shirt down so it covered you again. Drawing the blanket up high, Megumi had forgotten all about his shitty day, and how bad his muscles ached.

Pressing a chaste kiss to the top of your head, he sighed. He felt content, happy even, and sleep found the both of you quickly.

#jujutsu kaisen #fushiguro megumi #megumi smut #tw: pseudo-incest #tw: somnophilia #tw: dubcon #jujutsu kaisen smut #jujutsu kaisen fanfic

[silversatoru]

Hello! I wanted to request for a chubby reader x Levi oneshot. I feel like there aren’t many stories that have chubby readers ): As for the storyline, I’m not sure if it falls in the angst or hurt/comfort category. It would be the reader feeling insecure about themselves because they have a harder time training than the others (them blaming it on their own weight) and seeing how everyone is much thinner than them, they start avoiding food. To not make it look suspicious, they’d go into the kitchen alone and put the food away along with the left overs. The reader would act normal with Levi and he doesn’t suspect anything at first. Later on, the reader would push themselves harder to the point where they’d train on their own whenever they had to chance so they can lose weight and improve their training. At this point, Levi starts noticing the reader looking paler than usual and the slight difference in their weight. One day during training, the reader ends up fainting from exhaustion and dehydration. They wake up on Levis’s bed with him looking over them. He asks what happened and the reader lies by saying they didn’t drink enough water. Levi calls it bs and ask if they think he’s stupid and goes on to tell them about how they noticed the reader sneaking off into the kitchen with a plate and coming out without it. He didn’t think anything of it at first, but he started putting the pieces together. They end up telling Levi the truth, the way they feel towards themself and how they don’t like the fact that they’re bigger than Levi. He comforts the reader and lets them know that they’re an idiot for thinking that way, etc. Thank you! I’m so sorry if it sounds so cheesy!

hello dear!! i dont think your idea was cheesy at all, i love it actually. these kind of issues live very close to my heart, so writing about them is always really fun for me. that being said,, this fic definitely got very dark and very real, and i would advise everyone to read the warnings before deciding to read this <33

empty

levi ackerman x gn!reader

synopsis: levi catches you skipping meals and does what he can to help

tags/warnings: eating disorder, skipping meals, hurt/comfort, but it does have a happy ending! 

word count: 2.2k 

Throbbing headaches and hollow, gnawing pains in your stomach — they’ve quickly become your new normal. You see everything through a hazy fog these days, nothing feels real and everything hurts but it’s worth it — that’s what you keep saying to yourself. You’re tired of lacking the same agility, momentum, and grace that your thinner counterparts have. 

Your weight was always something that ate away at the back of your head, but joining the scout regiment multiplied it tenfold. You were constantly working twice as hard as your fellow scouts, and it seemed like it was never enough. Everyone around you was not only ridiculously athletic, but so fucking thin. You didn’t hate your comrades for their bodies and the way they were born, but you made up for it by inflicting all of the hate onto yourself.

You wonder if anyone notices your zombie eyes or the abnormal paleness to your face — god, you hope they don’t. The last thing you want to do is have to confront your feelings and admit what you’ve been doing lately. Every night you shamefully sneak back into the kitchen and pour your plate of food into the large pot of leftovers. You pick at food here and there when your friends are watching, but behind closed doors you haven’t eaten much of anything lately. Your body is running on empty, and it’s only a matter of time before it fully catches up to you. 

You hear your last name echo from across the training fields, slowly turning around to see an angry captain sulking towards you. His face was twisted into an unpleasant grimace, his eyebrows knitted together into what almost looked like concern. 

“I’m excusing you from the remainder of training, leave,” his words were flat, but there was a subtle emotional edge. 

“Sorry, what?” you gave him a confused look — Captain Levi never excused anyone from training, not unless they were practically on their deathbed. 

“Go home, and eat a big dinner tonight, your energy has been less than adequate lately,” his face softened slightly, “I expect you to be back to normal by tomorrow. Your skills and abilities are needed here, so go get some rest and be better tomorrow, yeah?”

“But, I-,” you stammered, trying to come up with some kind of valid excuse. 

“That’s an order, cadet”. 

His words surprised you, and before you could even rack your brain for an appropriate way to respond, he was turned on his heels and walking away. You swallowed thickly, your throat dry and stuffed full with anxiety. 

Reluctantly, you followed his orders and made your way back to the Scout’s base early. You grabbed a stack of fresh clothing from your room before heading to the showers and scrubbing yourself free of all the sweat and grime from training. You were careful to avoid mirrors when you navigated bathrooms, and tonight was no exception, your eyes glued to the tiled floor. After showering, you hesitantly walked to the kitchen, preparing a plate of food and bringing it back to your room.

That food stared you in the eyes for hours, taunting you and teasing you and making intense nausea creep up your spine.  Tears were stinging the backs of your eyes and your lungs were shaking with heavy, anxiety-filled breaths. You couldn't do it, and you were overwhelmed with shame and guilt. If you couldn’t do it for Levi, you were hopeless that you’d be able to do it for anyone, never mind for yourself. 

After making countless pitiful attempts to take a bite of your untouched meal, you decided it was going back into the leftover pot — just like everything else. The other scouts should have returned and been sleeping by now anyway, you’d just silently creep down the hallway, dump the food, and creep back, no harm no foul. 

Except for that a certain short, dark-haired captain was standing at the end of the hallway — you didn't notice him, but he certainly noticed you. A boiling anger rippled up inside him as he felt an overwhelming disappointment in your actions. He’d been suspecting this kind of behavior for a while now, but watching you tip-toe down the hall and into the kitchen with an uneaten plate of food confirmed all of his suspicions. 

You could barely crawl out of bed the next morning, your ribs aching and your head pounding with a dull pain. You grasped at your tall dresser, catching your balance as you dangerously swayed back and forth for a few seconds. After regaining consciousness and stability you carefully changed into your uniform, having to stop and take breaks every few seconds because you were running out of breath. Your body felt utterly devoid of any kind of energy, and you wondered — when was the last time I actually ate something? 

It was far enough back that you couldn’t quite remember, maybe a few days at this point, you really weren’t sure anymore. You’d have to suck it up for training though, because the last thing you wanted was to be confronted by the captain again. 

You chugged back a full glass of water before lacing up your boots and throwing on a convincing facade. People don’t seem to notice something is wrong as long as you're smiling, laughing, and going along with what they say — it’s easy enough to fly under the radar of your fellow scouts. 

Levi’s radar is a little sharper though, and he keeps a close eye on you from the second you walk up to the training grounds. He’s disappointed in your hand to hand combat — it’s sloppy, slow, predictable. Your hands look shaky too, and maybe it's the light playing tricks on him but it looks like the color is draining from your face. 

Things are feeling deplorable on your side — you can barely stand anymore, never mind throw punches or avoid the oncoming attacks. Your vision was starting to tunnel, foggy black surrounding your periphery as you began to lose feeling in your fingertips. You tried desperately to cling onto whatever semblance of consciousness you had left, but failed miserably, your body collapsing to the hard earth beneath you. 

The soft glow of warm candles illuminated the walls around you when you finally woke up from the earlier incident. This wasn’t your room, where the hell were you? You uncomfortably shifted to the side and flinched when you saw your captain sitting in a chair in front of you. His arms were crossed and one of his legs was propped on top of the other, an icey look in his eyes.

“What happened today?” His words were very short and his tone was flooded with irritation — he didn’t even give you a chance to take in your surroundings.

“Ah- I didn’t sleep well last night,” you lied, “And maybe I haven’t been drinking enough water or something”. 

“I’m offended that you think I would fall for such a pitiful lie,” He clicked his tongue off the roof of his mouth, “I saw you sneak into the kitchen last night, how long have you been doing that?” 

Your eyes grew wide with anxiety, your heart abruptly dropping to the floor — you made sure to go extra late last night, why the hell was he still up?

You stayed quiet for a moment, pondering over how honest you should be with Levi right now. The two of you had always been a little closer than he was with the other scouts, but unfortunately there was no room for things like love in this world. You also assumed that maybe he never reciprocated your feelings because of your weight — but that was just more toxic fuel to the fire blossoming in your head. 

“Pretty long,” you sighed, ultimately deciding to be fully honest with him, because knowing Levi, he’d continue to see right through your lies anyway. 

“I figured,” He grumbled, uncrossing his legs and leaning back into his chair, “Why?” 

“Everyone around me is thin, I stick out. And, I’m not as agile or flexible as the other scouts either. I just thought that maybe...,” you bit down hard on your bottom lip, rolling onto your back so you wouldn’t have to look at him, “I thought my weight bothered you too, and also that I’d be more useful to the scouts if I was skinnier”. 

“You think I’d like you better if you were dead?” Levi was leaning closer now, heat boiling in his eyes, “Because that’s where you’re headed right now. If you truly think you’ll be more helpful to the scouts when you’re six feet under, you’re delusional. And who the hell gave you the idea that your weight bothered me?”

His harsh words were cold slap in the face, your eyes burning and threatening to spill over with tears. You didn’t want to die, not really, you just didn’t want to hate yourself anymore. 

“No one! I don’t know, I just thought, maybe because I was bigger than you-,” You continued to stammer over your words, tears beginning to leak down your cheeks. 

“It doesn’t matter,” he waved you off, not wanting to push the issue further, “You’re wrong, and I’m hurt that you’d even think that. I’ve never once thought that you were anything other than the way you should be”.

“I’m sorry,” your voice was weak and shaky, but your heart was pounding against your chest at his words. 

“I’m not the person you should be apologizing to, that’s something you owe to yourself” he shook his head and stood up to retrieve two small bowls of food from a nearby table, “I brought you something to eat”.

You watched him intently, pondering over his words about apologizing to yourself.

“It’s only a bowl of soup, so you can start small, yeah?” He offered one of the bowls to you, which you hesitantly took into your hands as you sat up. 

He sat down again across from you again, leaning back and taking a sip of broth from his bowl. You were grateful that he was here, that he was eating with you — it made things a little easier. You grasped the spoon in your hands and scooped up some brothy vegetables before lifting them into your mouth. 

“Good, finish the bowl,” nodded at you, giving you a reassuring look and lifting his own bowl to his lips again. 

The two of you ate in silence until you were finished, and then he sat the bowls back on his nightstand before finding a seat next to you on his bed. 

“Stay here tonight,” he stared at you with his signature tired eyes, but there were hints of concern laced through them now, “We’ll have breakfast together in the morning”. 

“Okay,” you gave him a weak nod, trying desperately to bottle up your growing emotions, but they were becoming too much to bear. 

Small sobs began to rack through your body, your chest tightening and your stomach lurching with anxiety. You were experiencing so many feelings tonight — eating for the first time in days and being here with Levi, it was overwhelming to say the least. 

You could barely see the captain through your blurry vision, but you could feel his arms maneuver themselves around you and pull you against his chest. You stayed like that for a while, Levi’s arms delicately holding you in place while quiet sobs worked their way out of your lips. 

“You’ve dug yourself into a deep hole, I won’t lie to you,” you heard him let out a tired sigh, “And it’s gonna take time and effort for you to dig your way out, but you’ll get there. We’ll start by having breakfast and dinner together every night, how does that sound? Just you and me, no one else has to watch”. 

You nuzzled a tiny nod into his chest, your tears finally running dry. It was a terrifying thought, eating normal again, but you were starting to feel hopeful that you might actually be able to do it. 

And so the two of you met every morning and every evening for your scheduled meals, and day by day things began to get easier. You even found yourself staying over in Levi’s room after dinner and into the morning for breakfast sometimes. Spending so much time together was definitely pushing the two of you to address the feelings you’d been hiding for so long. 

But not everything was perfect, it would be irrational to think it would be. You still have bad nights, where eating is so hard you break down into tears, and where you want nothing more than to rid yourself of the food in your system. It’s a draining process, but Levi works hard to make sure you stay on track with your progress. 

It’s slow, but eventually your face starts to glow again, your skin gets smooth and soft, and the aching pains in your body start to fade. Your war with your body is far from over, but you’re doing what you can, and you’re healing yourself one day at a time.

thank u for reading this, and now i would like to give you a gentle reminder to do something nice for your body today. eating disorders and mental illnesses are huge mountains to climb over, but taking things one day at a time makes it a little easier. try and eat a meal today (even if it’s small), go to sleep early and get some rest, take a shower and rub lotion all over your legs so they feel nice against your blankets when you lay in bed. baby steps are better than no steps at all, so be patient with yourself. n go drink some water, ur body loves that shit

#attack on titan #attack on titan levi #attack on titan x reader #levi #levi ackerman #levi x y/n #levi x reader #levi ackerman x reader #levi x gn!reader #hurt/comfort #angst #levi hurt comfort #attack on titan x gn!reader