#just the growing anxiety

[queensconquest]

my anxiety:  >:) me, slowly turning on the hxh soundtrack: ......

#〉the angst empress〈 — ✭ ⌜ooc⌟ #im handling it better than i thought i would #probably a lot thanks to you guys last night & today <3 #i've got like an hour and a half before i need to go #and ive been too anxious to eat but #i at least haven't been full on panic attacks #just the growing anxiety #but its okay #i've got this #and the music helps #idk if thats dumb or not but it does #esp chain user ost #i don't think i'll do any more actual writing till i get back #i'll probably watch some videos to distract myself #but also be around for discord / IMS and casually lurking

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

A new challenger approaches (slowly)

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #wen chao #jin zixuan #jiang cheng #lan wangji #tulu xuanwu #Wen Chao's turtlephobia starts now. I wonder if that's ever going to come back into play? #Slight re-ordering of events for the funny punchlines but we're close to getting back on track. #The mianmian stuff happening right after we also have a Torment Tortoise looking for blood makes this scene so chaotic. #A good kind of chaos as it is supposed to be overwhelming and anxiety inducing! #I have been sitting on the idea of the Beast being just a normal turtle with a knife for ages. Years in fact. #It's stupid as hell but that's sometimes what art is. Indulging the past you who would have loved to see the dumb thing be drawn. #Making it canon now that A-Qing's turtle (the one pd-Lan Sizhui found) is a descendant of this turtle. #Maybe she was so defensive because she has eggs she was watching over! How insensitive of these cultivators! #You can insert your own choice of boss music here - I did not grow up playing video games so I have nothing off the top of my head. #I am making a BOTW reference here so you could substitute one of those themes but I find them more melancholic than menacing.

[revrads]

The Sorcerer

#dungeons and dragons #dnd honor among thieves #dungeons and dragons movie #honor among thieves #dnd fanart #simon aumar #fanart #art #digital art #drawing #doodle #((BEST BOY!!!)) #((Another one into my growing collection of pathetic sopping wet cat)) #((He's so full of anxiety and self-esteem issues. he just like me fr))

[bamsara]

are you actually cancelling the shipment of the new laptop or was that a joke?

It's a joke but. What if I did auuugh

Making big purchases like this give me anxiety to a heavy level because low key I feel like I'm wasting money and that I don't need it because Arson, even though he's clearly not meant to last a lot longer in that shell and is corrupting and losing files, is still booting up and therefore I feel like I've done this 'too early' and that I don't deserve to get the new pc

Like I KNOW I need it and it will help me immensely but. You know

#ive been saving up for about 2ish years now since arson started showing signs #and hes well past his 'shelf life' but if youve been following me for a long time you know i dont really like replacing things #until theyre practically scrap metal #theres also the thing where if you grow up without a lot of money then you develop the mindset of #'now that youve spent that money you wasted it and also theres gonna be an emergency that will happen and youll wish you hadnt' #'what if you hate the pc' #'what if it ships in broken' #'what if something else happens and it breaks when it gets here' #just anxiety anxiety #i hate making large purchases i have such fears around them #also i actaully am really attatched to arson as a character which makes me crazy but hes like the little dude in my head aka my desk

[taikanyohou]

BOUNPREM + FILMOGRAPHY (2019- ).

“Everyday for the past three years, I always knew that tomorrow, there would be Between Us. When the camera turned off (after filming the last scene for Between Us), I felt my heart linger in that moment. I don’t know what the goal will be now tomorrow. More than having to wait, is the fear that there’s nothing now to wait for. So, what am I waiting for? My ultimate goal for the last three years has always been Between Us.”

#bounprem #boun noppanut #prem warut #asianlgbtqdramas #asiandramasource #* #faiza gifs #i just really wanted to make this bc .... like. between us is a passion project ... yeah. but thats LITERALLY what these have been striving #towards ever since their debut. and im SO happy it could come to life! #and in between that they got to grow SO much with the different roles they played that weren't team and win #BUT. team and win is HOME for them. #and if THEY BOTH found it THIS HARD to say bye to them I .. NO lets not even GO THERE. #but also! THEY'RE GOING TO GET SO MANY MORE CHANCES TO BE SO MANY OTHER CHARACTERS! #it can be so anxiety inducing not knowing 'what not?' BUT! THEY'LL BE OKAY! #anyway! like i say! they're truly SOULMATES in EVERY SENSE of the word and i cant WAIT to see whats next for them!!!!!!! #as individual projects AND couple projects!

[daily-hanamura]

#p4 #p4g #persona 4 #persona 4 golden #hanamura yosuke #yosuke hanamura #look everybody else has a special line in this scene telling yu how special he was but this esp hit me the hardest because i'm yosukebraine #it's in the last line “don't go partner” LIKE DUDE the way it calls back to yosuke's cut romance dialogue when he says “don't go” #im not saying that yosuke has separation anxiety but uhhhh i also think the trajectory of his story arc has been about the ppl that left hi #and how he copes with it and grows and matures and moves on but BUT BUT #yu is different #yosuke has managed to let go of the superficial friendships that he held on to from the city #he's learnt to let go of saki #he's learnt to live for himself and for the people that have come and gone BUT. BUT YU. yu has changed his life so much #and it's not even because yosuke actually hasn't grown or accepted that people in his life will come and go he has it's just that #he doesn't want yu to be another one that leaves. bcause he knows what it feels like to have someone leave and how it feels to “get over it #and he doesn't want to get over yu #and i'm #just #sitting here #sobbing #he's good with his queue

[solargeist]

I'll also take some credit for the religious trauma. Mine is more of the cult flavor I think tho

-Lunar

we’re rly in this together

#Ask #I was only vaguely religious growing up aksnsjsk so not baptized and not super educated on it #I enjoy talking abt religion and values n stories tho TBH just not with bigots AKDNDJSKSK #especially when it comes to the beauty of nature and the universe and stars and helping ppl and animals 💥😤 #intense anxiety and ocd and going crazy but I luvvvv humanityyyyy humans r sooo cuteee sometimessss

[odysseys-blood]

i wonder how much longer the devils' lifespan is compared to a human. because the kings have been around for AGES when you take into account the fact that they were all full fledged adults with their countries well established by the time solomon first made contact with them. but also what's been messing me up about the longevity of their lives is the fact that the mc meets children! (from satan's bath card preview)

and from this conversation with sitri and ppyong devils are no longer being born because lilith, mother of all devils, has disappeared along with god and solomon. (ch3)

of course we know solomon is dead but the other two's existences are kinda up in the air at the moment. and with the fact that they all disappeared a long time ago its been. a few millenia which means any devil children have been babies and children for. a VERY long time from a humn perspective. and in that time many generations have sprung up between solomon's death and the mc being born. but also time passes differently in hell (likely slower from the fact that mc wasn't aware that the anniversary of their parents' death approached and passed (in ch4), as well as the fact that sitri says solomon spent a century in hell when solomon only made it to his 50s on earth (unles pretty busy has changed this for the story but i dont think they have)

with how all the devil's act you really would think that solomon disappeared just yesterday to them! thousands of years have passed on earth but theyre still heartbroken like they last spoke to him just last week! how short is the life span of a human to them. is it just like a blink and you're gone. are they aware of how limited their time with the mc is. because even with hell being so technologically avanced there's death every day. there is no cure for death. you will die and they still haven't even coped well with the death of a man that lived so long ago.

#cliffnotes/.txt #whb #what in hell is bad #whb spoilers #its just. AUGH. #i know theres also a likelihood that mc will go back to earth long before they die #or at least thats the plan #but would their entire time in hell just feel like a week to the demons? #its just sad to think about #and then they'd be getting sucker punched twice losing solomon and his refraction in what feels like a short period #of time for them #also thinking abt if the mc were to have a child with one of the 72 upper devils or kings #its likely that they'd die pretty early on in that chil'd life yknow #regardless of whether that child grows up in hell or on earth considering unholycs i believe also live long #(ik that tie in was likely just done for fun but im using it anyways) #so like. idk. #has pretty busy put that much thought into any of this and the cohesiveness of their own narrative? #most likely not. #will i overthink it anyways? #absolutely i have adhd and anxiety all i do is overthink #so sorry for long media analysis in the tags #it will happen again. #edit: nawt me being vagued in the tags w/ a point i wasnt even making lmao #the bit abt minhyeok's substory in ch4 was abt being disoriented bc of the difference #to the point where the mc did not notice the approach of such an important date tho there is a lot going on also #not 'oh i think its been a year'. thats stupid. #id give the events of ch1-4 like. a span of a week in hell tops. barely even that if im bein honest #if itd been a whole year i dont think mc would still be trying to adapt

[erabundus]

HAPPY BLOG ANNIVERSARY!

it's  officially  midnight  here,  which  means  i'm  allowed  to  post  this!  so ...  happy  one  year  anniversary  of  enduring  the  plague  of  avalon  upon  your  dashboards!  alternatively,  thank  you  so  much  for  giving  me  a  place  to  babble  about  my  #1  favorite  comfort  character  who  has  experienced  zero  comfort.  (  i  swear  i  am  being  SO  NORMAL  about  this.  yes i did literally buy  cake  and  party  hats.  )  whether  we  speak  on  the  daily,  you've  just  gotten  here  or  anywhere  in  between,  i  want  to  extend  my  sincerest  gratitude  for  being  on  this  absolutely  wild  ride  of  a  blog  with  me.  there's  been  ups  and  downs,  but  ultimately  i  feel  like  my  passion  for  writing  has  been  ignited  stronger  than  it's  ever  been  before.  i  am  still  always  so  excited  whenever  i  get  the  chance  to  log  on  here  and  create  stories  with  all  of  you  —  and  i  wouldn't  have  that  opportunity  if  it  wasn't  for  this little  corner  of  the  internet  you've  helped  make truly special.

there  are  so  many  of  you  i  feel  lucky  to  have  met.  (  and  so  many  i  would  love  to  get  to  know  better,  too!  )  i  hope  we  can  continue  writing  together  for  many  more  anniversaries  to  come.  and  if  the  day  ever  comes  that  they  finally  pull  the  plug  on  this  cockroach  of  a  hellsite,  i'll  forever remember  this  community  as  the  rpc  that  got me to  laugh  at  petrichor.

have  a  wonderful  day  /  night!  i'm  sharing  the  cake  with  everyone  in  spirit.

#𝟎𝟎𝟏 : 𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧-𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘴𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯. ◟ ooc .◝ #( i struggle sometimes because i know i tend to hide behind my muses / headcanons / ic posts -- #because i am honestly just so bad about talking about / as myself & i think part of it has to do with me being really nervous / awkward ) #( we all love ye olde social anxiety & the myriad of ways it manifests etc etc ) #( but!! i just wanted to do / say something silly because i really do appreciate you all so much ) #( even if we don't actively talk / write imagine me liking your posts as a little high five of appreciation for what you create here ) #( this blog & rpc have helped me grow so much both as a writer and as a person. ) #( having a place to express my interests & meet other people with similar interests has had such a positive effect on my life ) #( i'm making plans to meet my best friend in person one day and it's only happening because i made this account & reblogged a gifset ) #( yes it's sappy but i really do mean every word )

[whentherewerebicycles]

everything is still so good!!! heartbeat is super fast and strong and is now firmly in the upper band of healthy/normal. behold the little seahorse (now less seahorse-y because its tail is almost gone) floating around in there attached to its little yolk sac inner tube!!

#pregnancy tag #iui tag #my doctor is being super nice about my pregnancy anxieties #she was like even when you switch to prenatal care you can come in anytime for a quick scan to see the heartbeat/reassure yourself #it's no big deal and we'd rather you felt secure than stressed #i am going to try to wean myself off needing to see regular scans #according to this one study my chances of a live birth rise to 98% after seeing a strong heartbeat at 8 weeks #so i think i am just like... barring disaster... having a kid #i think my body is just like... growing a baby #and seems to be doing it with minimal fuss so far lol. i don't feel unusually fatigued #and i'm only mildly nauseous some days some of the time #aaaaaa ok. well. here we are #moving forward!!!

[legionofpotatoes]

not a huge fallout enjoyer but I like how the show is shot and graded with a distinctly early aughts feel. No sweeping location filters or flattened midtones and the blacks are rich-black and the whites are bright-white and everything reads and pops off the screen and sometimes a meticulous prop or makeup application will be tastefully shrouded in motivated shadow instead of forcefully blasted with an even softbox. on the flipside though todd appears to have named the stinky cowboy after himself, so like, it's a tossup

#the thesis of this deranged universe still eludes me but i appreciate how the show at least tries to steep it in character drama somewhat #it really deflates at the end there where it should coalesce with more energy but overall it was well constructed #plot construction yeah that's the word. that was done well #and the characters are not just superficially quirky they are genuinely flawed and that's cute to see. room to grow! #and listen a surprise matt berry cameo is never not winning points from me #not a bad effort but gotta go back to watching the bear and experience pure anxiety through their shot designs #fallout spoilers #text

[sassyandclassy94]

Look at this and hear me out for a sec.

That poor girl!! She attended the party. She dressed up for the party. she sat down kinda next to Don. She probably had her eye on Don the entire night and even after Bobby tries to push him, he still doesn’t ask her to dance. Like you don’t understand this really bothers me! And it’s not like Don didn’t have his eye on her too, he did! But he did nothing about it!

I love you, Don but you deserved to be dragged up to that piano.

#he has such closed off body language too with his hands are shoved into his pockets (but that’s not necessarily rude just evidence #of his social anxiety - which I understand) #BUT WHY?! SHE OBVIOUSLY WANTED HIM TO ASK HER TO DANCE BUT HE NEVER DID😭 SHE EVEN SAT DOWN kinda NEXT TO HIM!!! #ugh!!! why does this scene bother me so much??🥴 #like… just grow a pair dude😭 #Don Hume #Jack Mulhern #Bobby Moch #Luke Slattery #the boys in the boat #these are a few of my favorite things

[mrkgrl]

De-aged Derek angst can't be that bad right? Yeah. Yep....

#teen wolf #sterek #eternalsterek #stiles stilinski #derek hale #konpyuutart #rkgk #been trying to post this for over a week now #my anxiety is skyrocketing every time I'm thinking abt posting #and I feel myself grow more and more resigned which... mh.. is really not a good sign #but I guess it doesn't matter anymore #it doesn't matter at all... #oh well #woops I'm rambling lol ignore it I really just need some sleep

[ace-and-ranty]

So I just recently quit a job.

It was relatively chill, with pretty good pay for the amount of work involved. But see, before that job, I've scheduled my own work hours for every job I've ever had. Since I worked mainly translation, well, clients don't care when you're sat down in front of the computer working, as long as they get things by deadline.

The fact that this job had specific working hours, during which I was expected to have my butt sat at the computer, was driving me insane.

It gave me the kind of low-level but constant anxiety that is the bane of my existence. It's the kind of anxiety where I cannot disconnect, I cannot relax, because I know in X hours I need to be at the job, and I hated it so much I, an extremely non-confrontational people pleaser, scrapped together the gumption to quit.

Why am I telling you all of this. You wonder. Well. Because for years now I have wondered, on and off, if maybe, perhaps, I'm like, a little bit autistic? I feel insane, in that I don't relate to a lot of the struggles autistic people often mention, but I feel just weird enough, just a-bit-to-the-left enough that I don't feel neurotypical, and I don't know what's going on there.

And well, one of the struggles I never connected to is "need for routine" because hum, no, actually, I've never really felt the need for a lot of routine. But oh? What's this? Now there's an expectation for how I gotta use my time, so my schedule is out of my control? And it's making me itch out of my fucking skin? How curious??

All to say, yeah, I don't know what's going on under the hood. But thank God for flexible working hours.

#I JUST DON'T KNOW #I was 100% fine with demands on my time at school and college. I don't know. Did I just get unused to it? #is it because the job itself was anxiety-inducing in other ways? #or because it was much more hours than I ever had to dedicate to college and school? #and do I feel like a big ol' whiner for being so anxious about a remote job with relatively low workload? yes. #my second theory aside from a touch of the 'tism is that my anxiety just knocked my neurons about some. #it isn't very bad nowadays #but it was bad growing up.

[forlorn-crows]

You want ~ghoul prompts~ you say?

There's been an influx of mean Rain lately (correctly so, we love mean Rain), but how do we feel about mean Aether? Mountain needs to be broken just right, and I bet Aether knows exactly how to do it.

Aether ended up being only a lil bit mean. But we're still breaking Mountain, don't worry.

I recommend listening to Hypnosis by Sleep Token while reading.

Mountain’s head is spinning. He’s been pacing the greenhouse for hours, unable to shake the worry and frustration. There’s no reason for it, just something that visits every so often to haunt his mind. He thought the grueling two hours of rehearsal would beat it out of him, but, in fact, it now burned hotter, seeping deep into his veins. His mind is maddening. Exasperating. And he wants it turned off. 

Thankfully, a certain quintessence ghoul has a knack for doing just that.

“Aether,” Mountain says, a little frenzied. He’s decided to burst into Aehter’s room unannounced, unable to take it any longer.

“You okay, Mountain?” He takes in his lanky form, little beads of sweat dotting his forehead, chest heaving, wide, pleading eyes. Shoeless, naturally. Little vines of ivy growing behind his ears where his elemental control waned. “Woah, hey big guy.” His tone is worried, understandably so. But Mountain doesn’t want pity. He wants direction. He wants—needs—an anchor. He wants everything else to fade to a pinpoint, where all he can think is Aether.

He wants him to break him. Fuck his consciousness into tiny little pieces and put him back right and whole again.

“Turn it off,” he rasps.

Aether stands to meet the ghoul in the doorway. Shuffles him inside wordlessly and closes the door. That heinous look is still on his face: searching, worry, confusion. “Mount, what do you need me t—”

“Turn.” Mountain kneels in front of him. “It.” Grabs Aether’s hands. “Off.” Places both of his warm palms to flank the side of his head, just below the horns. His words are demanding and pleading at the same time.

Aether’s expression softens, a knowing smile quirking up the corners of his mouth. “Oh.” His fingers card into those mousy brown locks, lightly scratching at the scalp.  Mountain’s hands slide down to his sides as Aether gets the hint, and he sighs, long and drawn out. “Ah, there’s my gentle giant.” Aether pinches off the vines with deft fingers, reaching up to pluck the little brown mushrooms that found their home around his horns, too.

“Please,” he croaks, melting into the touch.

Aether steps closer, hip just inches from the earth ghoul’s cheek. “You’re so polite. Who would I be to deny a ghoul in need?”

Mountain looks up at him. His eyes are already fluttering at the suggestion of magick sparking from Aether’s fingertips, sinking into his skin as one hand caresses the back of his neck, threads into his hair and—

Pulls.

Just like that a shock of quintessence surges through his brain, kicking all the worry and unwanted stress out of his mind and leaving it blissfully and dizzyingly empty. Mountain never takes for granted how his powers could absolutely kill a ghoul—leave him a crumpled, hollow shell of a vessel in an instant and with a simple snap of his fingers.

But he doesn’t. He tows the line between a simple haze and a voided fog, and it makes Mountain fall perfectly every time. Lucid, but just . . . blank. Malleable.

Breakable.

Mountain’s head slumps forward, cheek resting against Aether’s hipbone. Aether huffs out a laugh, running his hands down the curve of Mountain’s neck and onto the tops of his shoulders. “How’s that, pebble?”

Mountain groans. “Don’t wanna think anymore. Need you to tell me,” he slurs.

“Hmm,” he hums. “Bend you, twist you whatever way I want?”

Mountain nods, pants already growing tight. “Anything,” he breathes.

Aether ducks down, lips barely grazing against the pointed ear. He hovers there; doesn’t kiss, doesn’t tease him with any words. It has Mountain leaning further against him, yearning.

Suddenly, he’s thrown off balance as Aether stands up and pulls away from him. He lands on his hands and knees at Aether’s feet.

“Needy,” Aether comments, a little bit of bite in his voice. “Up. I think you’re gonna start by sitting pretty on my cock.”

And he does. Legs trembling as Aether guides him down, stretching him wide.

“Ah fuck, Aethe—” His own cock, rigid and heavy between them, leaks a spurt of precum as he bottoms out. He tosses his head back and forth, sensations made ten times more overwhelming and consuming with quintessence running through him.

“You take so well, pebble. That’s what you want isn’t it; to be tamed?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Mountain chants. He grinds down, reveling in the way he’s filled out. Split open. Aether rolls his hips in response, grinning lazily at the gasp it earns him.

“So sensitive. Bet you could come just like this. I’d barely have to do a thing.”

Mountain’s cock kicks in response to his words, because of course it does. He brackets his hands around Aether’s head, gripping the headboard he’s propped them against. He can barely keep his eyes open any more, giving in to the slide of Aether inside him and the warm magick seeping into his bones.

“Aether,” he breathes. “Please.”

The quintessence ghoul grips his hips, nuzzles his head into the crook of his neck. “Yes, darling?”

“Oh,” Mountain moans. “Aethe—I need—” the words die on his tongue as Aether sucks at the junction of his neck and reaches around to stroke at the base of his tail. Mountain’s hips stutter against him, and he’s shaking his head again, trying to get the words to come out.

“Too loud, ‘s still too loud.” He means his thoughts, but it’s all he can muster. Despite the hypnotizing ways Aether is touching him, his mind is starting to cut through the haze again, somehow.

“Mountain,” Aether says deviously, knowing exactly what he means. The desperation is rolling off the earth ghoul, palpable. “Oh, little pebble, you just want to be taken, don’t you?” His mouth creeps up Mountain’s jawline. “Owned.” Darts his tongue out to lick at Mountain’s bottom lip. “Broken.”

Mountain whines, and it’s all the confirmation Aether needs to crash their lips together and roll Mountain to his back before he fucks him with reckless abandon. Thrusts hard and fast, wringing moan after wanton moan out of Mountain’s slack mouth. Mountain takes everything Aether is willing to give.

It’s in the throws of unholy flesh melding together that his mind finally, finally, falls away.

#peep the 'mountain growing mushrooms on his head' part #i just had to #anon #ask #mountain ghoul #aether ghoul #the band ghost #fanfic #ficlet #mountain my love #mounty has crippling anxiety pass it on #no im not projecting what do you mean #no beta we die like men

[smowkie]

i am so tired of people equating proshippers with people who think pedophilia and incest is okay. we don't, actually.

i know this may come as a shock to some people, but we actually can differentiate from fiction and reality, and just because we think something is fun in fiction doesn't mean we think it's fun in reality.

fuck, i constantly wrote Sterek as the clingiest fuckers alive and i hate that personally, i cannot fucking sleep if someone is clinging to me, but i LOVE the thought of Sterek not being able to sleep unless they're practically glued together.

so why should i think incest is okay because i ship Wincest? why should i think pedophilia is okay because i enjoy reading some fucked up shit from time to time?

#i just saw a post about a new discord server for one of my ships and they don't allow proshippers #so i can't be there because i don't think it's morally wrong to ship things that could be problematic if they happened in real life #like grow the fuck up #Smowkie talks #Smowkie whines #again #god i'm in a mood today #that anxiety really fucked my day