#knowing you have a place somewhere

[malinaa]

if i think about the hunger games in peeta's perspective i WILL start sobbing

#imagine you're a boy who's going to die. you're in love with the girl you've been watching from afar. you know your fate. #you just want to help her‚ but then there's the announcement and she's here in front of you‚ kissing you‚ risking her life for you and you #think‚ i could live and i could love. you think she loves you when she hands you the berries‚ when she puts them in her mouth. #then you both survive and you go back home and nothing is real anymore. you have nothing. no family. no friends. no love. just an empty #house. a drunk for a neighbor. the love of your life walking into somebody else's arms. you think‚ i survived the games. i could survive #this. and you also think‚ i should've bit down on those berries‚ should've felt the juice burst before i died. #and then the third quarter quell announcement rings in your ears and you think‚ she will live and i will die as i should have in the first #place. the girl you love kisses you on the beach and somewhere you heart stirs and your mind revolts and you savor every touch she has ever #given to you‚ in front of the cameras and off. because you are a tribute and you are always being watched and snow's presence looms and #you think‚ i know she cares. but you get taken. you get drugged. you get tortured‚ your mind altered. the girl is a mutt‚ a murderer. she's #everything you despise‚ your mind stirs. your heart revolts. you gain more awareness but cannot distinguish reality from fiction and you #have never known katniss' love. the war ends. you heal. you come home. you plant primrose for her. years down the line‚ you grow in love #more than you thought possible. but some days‚ you cannot tell fiction from reality so you ask the love of your life‚ you love me. #real or not real? and she says‚ real‚ and kisses you. #and you sigh and kiss her back and revel in this. a home. a life. a love. #lit #the hunger games #everlark #otp: real or not real? #katniss everdeen #peeta mellark #text #tais toi lys #thgpost

[bookwyrminspiration]

i love writing. i also would rather be doing literally anything else

#NaNoWriMo #writing #shitpost #girl c’mon open your laptop put some words there #you don’t have to do it all in one sitting like yesterday #but you will if you don’t pull urself together and write enby #*write rn!! #it’s because I want to find this one page of notes im pretty sure is in my room somewhere #to see if it has details for the epilogue #but idk where it went!!! #i don’t think I’d get rid of it…? but i don’t know where else I would’ve put it #if it’s not the places I checked

[bacchuschucklefuck]

while teen while goblin while aroace while injured while doing your best

#fantasy high junior year #fhjy #riz gukgak #figueroth faeth #sklonda gukgak #dimension 20 #this. mmmmhhh this is so. I did Not know how to draw this really. #I am very normal about riz (<- lying) #it's a brennan-dm d20 campaign the bad guy is always capitalism (I am saying this with clenched teeth) #riz out of all of them being aroace fucks with me SO bad. bc its also established that elmsville specifically and probably the #majority of solace is not. made for goblins. and that becomes sklonda being worked to the bone and pok dying on the job #and riz spending all his time trying to keep his friends together. maybe to the point of it being injurous #like. do u get what I mean. its an economy of time it takes your time it eats up your time #not just the gukgaks but everyone you have to spend time to get to live and you don't have a lot of time left in a day #and you have to spend it carefully. you have to prioritize #you're somewhere without an established community and companionship is bought with your time spent working #this place doesn't take care of you. at the end of the day who do you have who'd prioritize you. do you understand me #the evolved aroace loathing where if your friends and family are granted more time nobody would have to choose. we live in a society #holds ur hand we live in a society. idk if Im making any sense #anyway . uhhh riz is my favourite that's my statement thank you for listening. au revoir

[murdermitties]

And I love Vermont, but it's the season of the sticks, and I Saw your mom she forgot that I existed and It's half my fault, but I just like to play the victim I'll drink alcohol 'til my friends come home for Christmas And I'll dream each night of some version of you That I might not have, but I did not lose

Stick Season - Noah Kahan

#mothwing #leafpool #mothpool #mothwing x leafpool #warrior cats #wc #apparently i have a thing for tragic lesbians #these two and daisy and squilf too #stick season by noah kahan lives rent fucking free in my head as a mothpool song #what if your wife died and you had to hear about it second hand #and you dont believe in god so you can never see her ghost as she sadly follows you wishing you'd look back at her #i know I KNOW thats not how starclan works in the books BUT I DO NOT CARE #tragedy is my bread and butter when it comes to these two #what if you haunted only the places where you and your wife went on dates and met up #but she's always somewhere else and you never guess the right location and you dont hear her talk to the air hoping youd hear her

[cdelphiki]

Way off topic but you know something the state of Georgia does that every state in the union should do? Require restaurants and such to post their health inspections somewhere visible to their customers and also upload all inspection reports online into a database easily searchable by the public. My sister was going out to dinner tonight and right there on the door was a giant sign that said the restaurant had failed their health inspection yesterday (but it wasn't low enough to require them to shut, just post the "U" grade right on the front door). Usually the grade is posted somewhere near the register or at the little lobby area inside. I pulled up the report and read everything wrong with the restaurant. They have rats, don't wash hands, are storing food at the wrong temp, storing raw meat improperly, don't have properly functioning thermometers in the freezer, and aren't cleaning their ice/drink machines. Every state should have that kind of transparency. I want to know if the place I'm eating at is handling food safely! Food poisoning is NOT FUN!!!

#i still dont know if i got food poisoning a few weeks back from thanksgiving or cheesecake factory #it was cheesecake factory that I ate last before nothing stayed down anymore #but homemade food that sat out too long made more sense #but you know #it really could have been either #anyway my sister is eating somewhere else #i sent her a list of the places with scores under 85 in her town after going down the rabbit hole lmao

[cinnamontoads]

i missed drawing them

here’s a compilation of all my reigen teru dad moments

#if you wanted to know the extent of my file naming talent the one of them in the scarves together is titled 'poop' #so #anyway putting these all here cause i want somewhere for them to be in one place #i could swear there were more of these tho..... wtf #i think theres some in my sketchbook i dont have pics of maybe #mp100 #mob psycho 100 #reigen arataka #teruki hanazawa #arataka reigen #hanazawa teruki #reigen #teru #fanart #mp100 fanart #my art

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

ah yes! the joys of executive dysfunction and something being Fundamentally Broken In Your Braincase!

#quick vent Look Away Nothing To See Here #i just needed to place my emotions somewhere before i really started to spiral #texts from cherished friends should not cause nausea-level anxiety! and yet! #here i am! running away from the ever-present miasma of guilt and stress! #you know a few months ago i was like 'im going to be better about responding im going to do better' #i Immediately started doing Worse! #i think i stressed myself out too much #pretty much every relationship i have ends up completely deteriorating due to my own insecurities and guilt and fucked up brain <3 #ah yes and how could i forget the Commitment Issues and Emotional Block #mentally i am banging my head into a wall #but its fine Its Fine #i mean its not. its really not. but sometimes it seems like the harder i try the harder i fail #which is something i should be used to by now! #okay so it looks like i Am Indeed spiraling so #i am going to go... list some good things in this world and uhhh #well i dont have the car this weekend so cant go for a drive and some boba. um. #i need to organize my room table Yes that sounds distracting and falsely productive #not gonna tag this with anything actually. #love treating tumblr like my personal diary #ah yes its just me. my personal feelings. and the couple thousand people that follow me. #perhaps i will also buy something online with one of the gift cards i found the other day #buttons from michaels!!! i need buttons! i will go do that! #with the knowledge that i have unopened messages to respond to looming in the back of my mind like a noose! yippee yahoo!!! #gonna... turn of replies/rbs just this once since its just a Vent #i just needed to get it Out yk? not looking for anything other than relieving pressure on my brain #ok it looks like i cant turn of replies for individual posts #just... pretend you didnt see this for both our sakes <3 #look away look away

[heich0e]

trigun college!au where knives doesn't think you're good enough for vash, and hates how close the two of you seem to be getting as your friendship develops. so of course the obvious solution is to fuck you within an inch of your life on a semi-regular basis so that you don't get any ridiculous ideas about trying to date his little brother.

#no one is online and therefore i'm allowed to post this #nai wanted him and vash to go to a better more prestigious school #but vash's heart was set on this one #so he followed (with the obvious intention of convincing him to transfer somewhere more respectable after a semester or two) #you and vash meet at frosh week and have a few classes together #and knives resentfully watches as the years pass and you ingratiate yourself further and further into his brothers life #he waits until you're at a party one night to put his plan into motion #finding you in a dark corner when you FINALLY leave his brothers side for more than a few fleeting moments #and he corners you with his big BIG frame and has every intention of questioning you and YOUR intentions with regards to vash #but you're blinking up at him with slightly intoxicated doe eyes that make him uncharacteristically hesitate #next thing you know he's dragging you into some random room at the stupid house party he never even wanted to attend in the first place #and the rest they say.... is history #(plot twist your friendship with vash is completely platonic and you've had a crush on nai all along anyway) #trigun college!au

[rhymesswith]

Simply a long winded way to say that i want to smooch these two grown men on the cheek. 

#word of honor #WoH #wenzhou #wen kexing #zhou zishu #rhymeswithwoh #my arts #technically part of the #ladyhawke au #but honestly at this point so far removed it's like fanart of my fanart #what are they betting on? it doesn't matter #all you need to know is that guest healer wxk has been waging a campaign of harassment toward stoic imperial guard zzs for months now #and this is the moment his seduction hits home #zzs was expecting a full on shameless kiss on the mouth #or somewhere even worse #and instead receives the tenderest kiss on the cheek #it's super effective #these two have the most perfectly placed beauty marks and it kills me #anyway nobody look at this it's just for me #woh/tyk

[thebirdandhersong]

I think the problem. the problem is that I have always been afraid of not being invited into the inner circle. and am always wanting to be part of the inner circle. inner circle being the circle of love and companionship and communion. of course being a TCK and a bit of a sheltered homeschooled oddball child has nudged this further along over the years. but I didn't realise how STRONG that desire still burned. to actually be wanted.

#in other words today has been an oddly sad day! discovering that the friends you've made have their own group chats #that are separate from the general group chat (that no one ever talks on) that you aren't a part of is......... i don't know #i KNOW i'm liked by them and i KNOW they love me but do they WANT me around? #like. i know i'm not UNpleasant to have around. i am a good listener and a good conversationalist. #i work very hard at it because it doesn't come naturally to me. #but clearly that's not enough to be added to exclusive group chats! clearly that's not enough to be part of inner core circles #i don't know this just came out of nowhere and i feel as if i've been slapped in the face #sitting at a table where people are talking about the thing someone sent to the group chat #or the photo or quote or reel someone sent to someone else is....... bizarre. #i am trying not to be so hurt by it! i am trying not to take it so personally #it happens. i know it happens. i know it will keep happening. it is just that i thought this was a place where i wouldn't be lonely #and this is the dorm community i've invested so much of my time and energy and love into since last year. #so i think i'm justified in being a little upset! #i'm not crying about it but that's because i'm not about to cry with other people sitting here in the study lounge! #the math is probably really wrong here but i thought that if i poured love in for the sake of pouring love in #somehow somewhere along the line i would also receive love. that i would actually be a part of this community. #anyway that's not going to change how i live here! i committed myself to doing my best this last year #because i don't want anyone to feel left out or unwanted or lonely. i already made the decision #to do everything i can to love the people here. #i'm not trying to toot my horn this is just what i actually want to and have decided to do! #i have birthday cards planned! i have midterm snacks planned! #i've just worked out how i can print christmas and easter cards and stickers! #i'm GOING to love darn it all i'm GOING to pour love in #i think it hurts especially because there's the boy problem going on too #of not being wanted in an area that i DIDN'T expect to be wanted in #and then learning that there is a collective not being wanted in this whole community #it is a Lot and it is very hard and i don't know what to do with it! #i have had this lie (that i'm inherently unloveable and undesirable) in my head since childhood #and i've worked SO HARD to shut that voice up. and it is so so hard to not believe it right now

[scuba-divers]

sometimes its really awkward to explain to allosexual alloromantic cishet people how just because im asexual doesnt mean im also aromantic. i am alloromantic and for some reason people cant understand that you can experience romantic attraction without sexual attraction, somehow this even happens within the aspec community?? also when people tag aromanticity focused posts with asexual its. kinda buggy 4 me cuz its really hard to find people and memes i can relate to because a big majority are aroace focused and its hard to find posts to relate to and it makes me kindof sad. im not saying stop making aroace memes and posts, i just wanna see more posts that include people who are aspec but still feel romantic attraction !! the lack of posts i can relate to make me feel like i dont really belong in the aspec community :[

#asexual #alloace #not really cuz im grey/demi or something but. you get why im tagging it with this #yes i am on the aromantic spectrum #somewhere #i dont know where the fuck but i am #its kinda like the r/traa situation where there are so little transmasc and enby posts that they get drowned out !! #dont stop making aroace posts!! just make for posts for people who are on the ace spectrum that can feel romantic attraction #so that we feel like we have a place in the community #a diver's communication device #aspec

[a-s-levynn]

So i had a dream last night which wasn't a nightmare and i even remember most of it! which is super exciting. I barely ever remember dreams that are just simply that so this is a fairly rare occasion for me.

It was weird tho

But it was.. i don't even know what it was so let me ramble about it in the tags a bit

#there was this bioluminescent and also biotoxic creature in a city at night #it was bipedal sort of humanoid shaped but with definitive deep sea features #it had that transparent skin and flesh and body with bioluminescing highlights #which i have no idea how it worked because the entire dream took place in a city enviroment on very much dry land but it's a dream innit #the face was definitely not human more a jumble of fishy features #it was gorgeous btw in a humanoid monster sort of fascinating way #it had this weird feel to it that it's something very old that should not be here now.. some sort of reminiscence of a bygone era #i might try to draw it but i don't know how successful i'd be to be honest #anyway so i was part of a group (don't know what kind exactly) and i never seen any of them i just knew they existed #and there was this innate knowledge that the creature was kind of hunting or more like luring us but we also were hunting it #i don't know if it did something to us before or we just had this unexplainable pull towards it but we definitely were fixated on it #and it was supposed to be a big threat even just by existing and walking around but also would have been bad if it was dead #but i don't know why was it so bad because the “toxicity” of the creature wasn't lethal it just made you stuck in a blissful delirious stat #just by being too close to it and which in most cases would fade when it moved away so the other alternative felt way worse #cuz if it would die something else would have gotten loose which would have been worse than the delirium #it was some sort of unstoppable deadly madness i think.. at least that was what i felt the dream eluded to #and i think we wanted to neutralize it somehow but we had no idea how to avoid disaster that surely would come if it dies #but it would have also revitalize nature on a basically divine scale by giving it's body back to it so there was this dilemma the whole tim #but none of us would have any answers so we just followed this inner draw regardless of the uncertainty #and the entire dream was basically us lureing the creature somewhere but simultaniously it was somehow luring us in as wel #to the same spot #it was a vast moonlit fieald outside of city bounds surrounded with tall dark trees and the sky was littered with stars #and a sharp cliff to one side #so we arrived there and we were standing on opposite sides and look towards each other #but looking into the creatures eyes literally woke me up #there was a noise it made and i know i understood it as words inside the dream but i can't remember what it was after waking just the noise #and that was it #it wasn't long i think tho it felt that way

[brehaaorgana]

People joke about ADHD all the time, even swear up and down they totally think they also have it, but then if you ask for an accommodation, to please please please provide things in fucking writing, EXACTLY what they want and need, you will even work it out WITH them, like they promised they would do — repeatedly over and over, and then you don't get it people really will fucking be like:

I am using the incorrect bathroom (TM) to place my shelving and store my things. Homegirl literally removed various sundries and toiletries from a CLOSED CABINET and SHELF because she's interested in boundaries and accountability for my mess.

I said months ago I wanted to improve things for her comfort level and needed a written list of what precisely that fucking looked like in order to achieve it and not miss anything she deemed important. I explained how ADHD works, why I needed a written reference. Why I had to have it laid out, and if something needed changing we needed to write it all out. I would've made the list myself, but they said they would make it for the whole house to hold up their end of things. And, thinking this was a very reasonable adult solution to keeping the house in good shape, I said okay, come up with the list of expectations and what is needed and that way we can update how we handle chores. Awesome. I will do that to uphold my end.

No list ever gets made or drafted or anything despite my bringing it up, knowing we need to do it, but I DO get berated for failing to meet expectations and boundaries that were never fucking provided or delivered and include "don't store toiletries in this particular bathroom because I don't like it."

I can't believe I am a goddamn adult who gets treated like an idiot child for expecting adult communication instead of snide ass passive aggressive bullshit and basic respect for my things.

Because when I fucking get home, my shelving has been removed and a cabinet emptied of my things and placed in the "correct" bathroom.

🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃

Oh shit she solved it, this doesn't look cluttered at all!

What a vast improvement to storing things in appropriate storage!

#my mortal sins include a laundry basket in the kitchen which is where the laundry room is #doing something INCOMPREHENSIBLE to work with my adhd like use the downstairs bathroom to get ready in the morning #instead of the upstairs one because that works best for me and keeps me moving in the morning #storing hobby supplies i was using in the living room in a milk crate basket to clear space at night easily #i left an oil painting to dry on a tabletop easel on MY coffee table and she tried to clean it up causing some of the paint to come off #i used to keep an empty up placed on the mat next to the cat water fountain to remind me to fill up often #not a mess of cups not half emptied cups. a dedicated refill cup tucked behind the fountain #when it kept getting removed i switched it up and placed the cup on top of the cat food bin to clearly indicate it was a cat item #no this is UNACCEPTABLE #also all my coats were removed from the coat rack i feel insane #coats GO ON THE COAT RACK #have you ever had someone actively sabotage your tools to manage your adhd bc its not fun lol #'i can understand why it feels shocking now' literally the most vile snide snake shit when you didnt communicate boundaries at all #its not communicating an expectation to gather up my personal belongings and dump them somewhere else and then text me about it during work #this is how you know shes only ever lived with blood relatives before this lol the entitlement #adhd blogging

[archduke-enver-gortash]

mmm essay about sally and kid gort in the tags (cw for child abuse, mentions of suicide, animal cruelty and a murder attempt. i always hope i don’t have to say this but just in case: i don’t excuse or condone any of her or gort’s behaviour at all.) this is literally not even touching upon everything i have to say because i hit the fucking tag limit lmao. NOBODY READ IT’S BAD BRAINSTORMING I JUST NEEDED TO GET IT OUT SOMEHOW

#thinkin too much about gortie side characters again. #sally this time and why she specifically talks about him the way she does #like dravo is obviously still shitty but to me he was. ‘just ‘neglectful #while sally actively hated and even felt terrorised by her own child #like. it’s not like i don’t understand her at all. #imagine you and your love don’t have much besides each other and your shop and you get pregnant and ready to raise a child #only for it to not be a child he didn’t and doesn’t cry ever and he learns everything so much sooner than most but then he never calls you #his parents and it’s not just a petty thing kids do sometimes you feel that he doesn’t see you as family and the worst part is that you #agree deep down #and as he gets older he doesn’t have any friends and actively rejects the notion of the entire concept #but then as time passes you hear about how he has entire groups of children following him and then several of them commit suicide #and that thing coming to sit with you and dravo at the dinner table says that he did what you did last week when the axe to chop wood broke #and you discarded it and got a new one #and he has these habits of ripping out flowers and making sure that they don’t regrow #and then you hear rumours about a friend’s daughter’s cat disappearing and think nothing of it #until you visit his tree house a month later and find a declawed cat and birds with clipped wings and crushed bugs that he keeps fondly #and then you see him with other children and they don’t know and his face is different and body language is entirely different #and were it not for the fact that you know better you would never see anything but a normal child #and you know that you are one who painstakingly brought this thing that should not be into the world and so you decide to end it all one da #and go to him as he’s asleep with the knife shaking in your hand #but he cries when you’re above him! screams at the top of his lungs! #so you beg for forgiveness even though you don’t deserve it through tears but as soon as the knife is put away you see the act drop and fee #his clever fingers having twisted your brain inside and out and you know that you can do nothing #and so the opportunity arises to at least remove him out of your life if not everyone’s lives and you take it immediately. #but you heard him talk. how he will close his fist around the world one day. and you know that it is not a matter of if but when. #like. imagine that. jesus dude. #like i hc her as someone that is messy and does not know a lot about life and she certainly wouldn’t have been a good mother but the love #or at least desire to love is there somewhere. and believing that having a child is really the only somewhat meaningful thing she can do #with her life. she’s not some hero or rich or anything of note. so there’s a lot obligation and not genuine desire for family here. #but she never really got the chance to be an actual mother in the first place so. who knows what that might have looked like