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heraldofcrow · 4 months

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Ok, I need to say something and get it off my chest while I actually have some energy.

I know what I want to change for the new year…even though normally I don’t really care for the idea of resolutions because to me there is no guarantee that the turn of a year implies change. I just think everyone should grow at their own pace and transform when they are ready. But my current catharsis just happens to be taking place now, so I’ll make it a resolution. A resolution about creativity.

My energy as a fandom creative has been incredibly low this year, which is weird for me. I have been in quite a few fandoms over the years, but the ones I actively decided to participate in were always fun outlets for me to improve things like my writing and actually make room for my energy. I used to write absurdly long analyses and metas in other fandoms for my own enjoyment and get into in-depth discussions with people about lore, story, themes, or whatever else would come up because that’s where I thrived. I was always the essay spammer lol. I miss the energy that was fueling me then. Something happened to it, and I wonder if it’s because I changed from “writing for myself” to “writing for the fandom” at some point.

Don’t get me wrong, I always loved supportive communities that help you grow and develop in some arena of art. I need that as a person because as isolate and introverted as I can be about my interests, I do have this side that craves the thrill of sharing passion and excitement with others. I love when I create something and other people like it too…I mean, who doesn’t?

That’s a huge part of fandom and of course I am here for that support system, but I don’t want to make my goal to be about supplying content for a fandom.

Just about a year and a half ago I started messing around with drawing for the first time in my life. I had attempted to doodle and scribble as a kid, but it was stick figure stuff. I never was serious. But the urge to depict specific pictures in my head was overpowering. I had to buckle down and watch some tutorials to get anywhere, but I did get…somewhere.

I don’t draw even slightly near the level I want to yet, but I’m glad I practice and learn new little tricks every so often. I just need to break down walls, especially the walls I have been hitting recently. These walls stop me from getting better. They kill my interest in writing. I have trouble responding to people and their conversations with me in fandom…when people express interest in my opinions, I shut down and hide. I don’t put the effort I used to into analysis or research. I am stuck and it is smothering my creativity.

My drawing and writing won’t improve until I stop being scared about challenging myself or being willing to branch out.

That’s my resolution. I need to stop doing stuff for a fandom. I need to smack myself upside the head and genuinely draw whatever the fuck I want and not to create content like a YouTuber. The reason I used to write metas or get into long lore convos with people so confidently is because I was passionate about it and not because I was trying to put something on a platform.

It’s not necessarily that I have been doing this YouTuber thing all year, but I know for certain that the stupid fandom idea of “having a role” or “being The Guy for a certain character” has craftily snuck itself into my head. I adore Bloodborne, I love my Bloody Crow, but I also fucking love Dark Souls, I love Demon’s Souls, I love Elden Ring, I love LOTR, I love Arcane, I love FF7, I love dozens of other films, books, shows, stories…

…I love so much and I want to draw stuff for all of it, I want to write for all of it, I want to express my thoughts on it. I am a subtle participant in plenty of fandoms if they aren’t too toxic, but I have restricted myself to Bloodborne because I felt “safe” about “creating content” here. I also felt a necessity at times.

But truthfully? I am going to suffocate if I force myself to restrict my creativity to one fandom forever. No, I don’t intend to leave it, because I do love it here and I want to still enjoy the community. I also still want this blog to be Soulsborne oriented while my sideblogs are for other fandoms, but that’s just for the sake of my own interest in organization, not because I have to. That’s because I fucking love Soulsborne and its fandom and I want to stay here to share and create. Not because I have to.

I have been hanging around the Soulsborne community for over ten years now…it’s just an infinite vat of creativity and inspiration. I want to contribute because it’s fun. I need to stop limiting myself to the ONE game though. It’s killing the ability to improve my drawing because I don’t truly always want to draw everything from this game. Sometimes I just want to draw knights from Dark Souls.

Sometimes I want to practice drawing armor and not Bloodborne style get-ups. I just want room and space to explore. There is plenty of variety in Bloodborne yes, but it has to be variety I am passionate about or I will half-ass it. I need that option.

It’s the same with writing. My writer’s block has been horrible this year because once I actually started sharing my fan-fiction for the first time, I felt that pressure of having readers and I wanted to make sure everything I put out was perfect. This kills my motivation. It’s utterly deadly. I actually am fine with my writing normally and am very comfortable with improving it through practice, but whenever I succumbed to the likely nonexistent external pressure, I suddenly couldn’t finish editing to save my life.

I need to be free of this and be able to enjoy my fandoms. I need them. 2023 was one of the hardest years of my life. I was so miserable so often, and it’s during those times when I really want a safe space to run and create. It helps me “regenerate.” But if I’m polluting my own safe space with pressure and worry, then what do I have left?

And so yeah, that’s my goal for this next year and the years to come. I want my old energy and passion back, to use this little online outlet to grow and learn more about drawing, writing, and whatever else catches my fancy. I won’t pressure myself about this either, but I hope it comes naturally if I take it slow and try to unlock my brain from the narrow way of thinking.

No more playing into a role. I just need to be free and enjoy myself.

#SO YEAH NOW I AM A PENGUIN AND NOT A CROW #lmaooo #i’m kidding #that would be hilarious #just taking a different role after abandoning one (help)#no but see crows are just ME #that’s different xD #It’s funny because 90% of me has never cared about fandom expectations or roles #but with the bb fandom there was so much drama once upon a time that i got caught in the trap of taking up a role as a form of armor #now that it’s kind of in the past…i really need to move on #fandoms are supposed to be fun…not warzones and i need to stop restricting my creative endeavors to them so much #because even though bb is peaceful now…if it ever happens again i can’t fall into this routine a second time #there is a lot here #but i’m glad i’m thinking about it #personal #new year #fandom stuff #CrowNotes

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mileapo · 11 months

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The Story Of Mile Phakphum In Three Parts

Hello Mile, how are you these days? I'm currently doing well, although quite occupied at the moment. If we were to represent it as a graph, it might appear as a lull period. However, I am utilizing this time to engage in self-care — both physically and mentally — and to make necessary preparations.

 What did it feel like waking up the morning the show debuted?   I'm thrilled to be addicted to the series once again. Its irresistible charm keeps me coming back for more, just like others who are captivated by its captivating story. Seeing people enjoy it and receiving positive feedback brings me immense joy. These moments are truly cherished, and I take great pleasure in being a part of it.

In a few interviews, you mentioned that a career as an actor and singer/songwriter was not your first choice. Looking back, do you still have any reservations about acting? Each of us harbors a multitude of aspirations, not confined to a singular goal. For me, true fulfillment lies in pursuing what truly ignites my passion and brings me joy. I am steadfast in my commitment to constant self-preparation and growth.

When presented with an opportunity, I choose to wholeheartedly embrace it — giving nothing short of my best. I am prepared to immerse myself in the pursuits that captivate my interest, dedicating my heart and soul to them. Though it may not be my ultimate objective, I am aware of my deep desire to embark on this path and so, I persistently ready myself for it.

Your life has now changed seeing that you are arguably one of Thailand's most recognizable personalities. What is one thing you miss from before your fame arrived? Engaging in conversations with strangers holds a special place in my heart. As of right now — due to time constraints — I haven't had the opportunity to fully immerse myself like that anymore. The days of encounters and spontaneous conversations with unfamiliar faces have become a rarity. However, such encounters have always been a source of genuine enjoyment for me. The sheer pleasure of conversing with individuals from all walks of life knows no bounds. Regardless of their background or disposition, I find immense fulfilment in the simple act of exchanging thoughts and ideas.

Any moments with your fans that have had a lasting impact on you? Each encounter with my fans brings an overwhelming sense of joy and fulfillment. Lately, I've been immersed in reading the heartfelt messages written on cards by my devoted supporters. I'm already halfway through this heartfelt endeavor. Last night, I came across a touching note from a fan expressing their desire to learn English in order to communicate with me. It's remarkable to witness the lengths people go to — dedicating their time and efforts to learning languages like Thai, English, or even regional dialects — solely for the purpose of connection. Their dedication truly moves me.

You are almost inseparable from Apo, both on and off-screen. What is your most fond memory of him?   It has been twelve years since we coincidentally worked together, and his unique appearance remains vivid in my memory. Recently, passionate fans stumbled upon a video of our first meeting, leaving me pleasantly surprised. This unexpected revelation serves as a gentle reminder of life's unpredictable nature, occasionally gifting us with delightful surprises along our journey. On fashion, Mile elaborates that “the fashion world captivates us and draws us into its allure. Active participation in this industry involves immersing myself among talented stylists and continuously expanding knowledge.” But while Mumbai is not his first breakthrough with Dior, Mile has always had his eye on fashion. “I actually embarked on this journey at the age of eight,” Mile explains. “Seeing my mother in beautifully crafted clothes when I was young and experiencing the influence of television were transformative moments that sparked my passion for the captivating world of fashion.”

Tell us more about the Dior Men Fall 2023 collection you are wearing today. What did you like most about it?   This collection exudes an exceptional uniqueness and embodies the distinctive character that Dior presents. I was remarkably comfortable during my time in Mumbai, which pleasantly surprised me. Despite the inquiries from others about its potential heat-inducing qualities, I found it to be quite the opposite. Even with its simple yet captivating designs and understated color palette, it effortlessly stands out. Wearing these pieces becomes easy and is an enjoyable experience. Rather than mere excitement, my emotions were fueled by an intense enthusiasm when I delved deeper into the realm of Dior.

How about your first fashion show with Dior, what was it like?  Attending a fashion show proved to be a transformative experience, one that expanded the horizons of my perception. It was a delightful and invigorating journey, allowing me to witness the unfolding of a whole new world. The show by Dior in the enchanting city of Paris was truly remarkable. Each garment conveyed a profound message, intricately woven into the fabric of the event. This combination of creativity and storytelling made for an unforgettable spectacle.

Are there any Dior items in your wardrobe that you would consider your favorite? I love the Dior Lingot bag in the large size, I believe it is the 50. It truly holds everything I need. And when you have a very busy schedule, a large bag is just what you need.

There has been quite a bit of buzz about Be On Cloud's Man Suang, especially since there has not been much information released at this moment other than its debut at this year's Cannes Film Festival. It is noteworthy to mention that the film marks your first main role in a motion picture. Can you tell us more about it?   This movie carries a truly unique essence, captivating its viewers with a narrative that invites imagination and contemplation. It weaves a mysterious tapestry intertwined with the rich traditions and stories that unfolded in Thailand during the Rattanakosin period. The beauty lies in the artful portrayal of each character as they share their tale, allowing us to witness the profound transformations that humans undergo. It serves as a reminder that our beliefs — though held strongly — may not always yield definitive outcomes, offering a glimpse into the diverse possibilities that exist.

Let's also get into the fact that it will be a historical film, and it marks a departure from the contemporary style of KinnPorsche. What kind of research did you do to get into the role? For every character I embody, I dedicate myself to meticulous preparation, adopting a consistent approach. I delve into the era in which the character resides, immersing myself in its historical backdrop. It is almost like method acting and it is very similar to how I live my life. This thorough understanding enables me to comprehend the motives behind their actions and thoughts. I am grateful to be surrounded by a supportive team that encourages my creativity throughout this process, granting me the freedom to explore and bring my own unique perspective to the role.

While it is a new project for you, you will be starring alongside Apo again. Will we see a different dynamic between the characters both of you are slated to play?   In every performance I deliver, there lies a remarkable blend of 90% embodiment of the character and a 10% essence of my own being. This 90% is a testament to my growth as an actor, an opportunity for people to witness my evolution through each role I undertake. I wholeheartedly invite audiences to appreciate the dedication and effort I invest in every project. As each character holds a unique identity, spectators will recognize the striking distinction, unveiling the diverse range and versatility I hope I can bring to the stage or screen.

Before we end, would you like to share any messages with your fans?   My heartfelt gratitude goes out to all the devoted fans who have supported me wholeheartedly throughout my journey. Your unwavering support has touched me deeply and means the world to me. Thank you for being there, from the bottom of my heart.

#mile phakphum #mileapo #men's folio #interview #read the whole article on men's folio website :)

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smirnoffswitchblade · 2 months

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♡⸝⸝ about me .ᐟ

includes: introduction, dni/byf, etc . . .

— Finally im making an introduction after putting it off for a bit out of shyness (and laziness..+ being nervous, but i need to push myself to do things sometimes.) but i thought its time you guys know a little bit more about me! ^^

𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒𓈒⠀. 𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒

‼️ • MDNI • ‼️

♡ ····· introduction

• Hello there!! im Sammy, but i prefer to be called Sakura if we aren’t extremely close. <3

• Im 20 years old! Im also a biracial lady, Bisexual, and my pronouns are She/Her! Please refer to me as so when talking to/about me.

• Some of my hobbies include : Cosplay, editing, drawing, photography (beginner), dancing, gaming, writing, reading, and baking!

• I like to associate myself with certain animals, specifically raccoons/deer/rag-doll cats/lambs/bats! Personally i think they fit me very well..so thats why you may see me repost those specific animals from time to time. (cause i think they’re me! ^^)

Tagged with: #irlsaku

• My few of my interests are cosplay, video games, anime, manga, flowers, greek mythology, herbology, nymphology, gloomy coquette and lolita fashion. among others too!

• i love many little men right now..but mainly ive been very lovey dovey over ren hana/fox, strade, lawrence oleander, sano kojima and vincent metzger! their just my favorites at the moment and i tend to self indulge in a bunch of selfshipping with them (persona x canon and oc x canon too!..maybe i will post my btd/tpof ocs here someday.)

♡ ····· DNI / BYF

• DNI: Minors, ageless blogs, zoos/maps, ableist, racist, homophobic, transphobic, anti-xeno/neopronouns, i dont really have a big dni but these are my mains. I block freely.

• BYF: This account is my primary blog and it’s mostly just for me posting/spamming my brainrot of 18+ medias! (also made for self indulgence and other things but i wont speak on that too much) So please please if you are under the age of 18 or do not have an age stating that you are an adult in your bio you will be blocked! This blog and content is not made for your eyes to see and you can get others and the creators in legal trouble and yourself. Please stay safe and take care of yourself, Thank you.

• If you are not a minor but cant handle the topics/media that will be posted on my blog please don’t follow me, this blog again is simply for my hyper-fixations of 18+ medias, my own enjoyment, and more. Don’t hurt/trigger yourself intentionally by looking at the things i put here, and please look out for your wellbeing because you are special! <3 Thank you!

My sfw blog is @crunchysugarr so i wont mix my other medias with this one!

• I have ADHD/PTSD/anxiety and depression, please be mindful of these things when choosing to interact with me whether its in dms or my ask box!

• You can send anything (quite literally anything..) in my asks! I don’t mind it, but ill ignore it if i don’t feel comfortable answering it or if it makes me feel some type of way. Please remember i may take time to reply to them if you ever do send anything to my inbox. (I also ask that you don’t send me irl gore/animal gore/cp/etc in my ask box.)

- I tag my posts with my own hashtags, heres a few of them so you wont be confused about what I’m specifically trying to post!

- aesthetic: #sakuaesth

- rambling: #sakubabbles

- regular blogging: #sakuposting🌸

(This could change overtime but i don’t know if they will but if they do I’ll let you all know! I hate confusing others on accident, hope this helps somewhat!)

• Im still pretty new to the Boyfriend to Death fandom and other fandoms on here too, I’m always learning something new about these pieces of media every single day! so please don’t get upset if i say anything not really lore accurate (?) i guess.

• You can always dm me or reply in my posts freely! But please ask to dm me in my ask box if you do want to talk to me in private, i usually only chat on tumblr and not discord because only people i’m closest to have my discord. But feel free to ask to dm me and we can talk here on tumblr if thats fine with you <3

• Please be patient when it comes to me replying to messages/asks. Sometimes it can be a bit overwhelming knowing i have to reply to so many people so i may take some time to get back to you all depending on whats going on with me that day, i do have a life outside of tumblr thats way different from how i appear online! But just know i have no intentions of ignoring anybody, i just wanna try and talk to new people for once.

Note: i tend to use emoticons only because i just think they’re adorable simply and i like to use them when texting! (i dont know why i feel the need to specify this so much, or anything else for that matter..but i did!)

♡ ····· other / extra things

ill try and make this as short as possible so you wont have to do too much more reading.. sorry about that!! ^_^’

• on this account the specific content i intend to post is boyfriend to death (1&2), the price of flesh, ykmet, degrees of lewdity, lovers trophy, courtin’ cowboys, this is not romance, and Saw (2004)!

• i can give out some of my other socials below so feel free to follow them if you’d like to, or don’t! i would never force anything upon you or anyone. <3

Twitter: @/crunchysugarr

Pinterest: (the same as my twitter user)

• and i think thats really pretty much everything! i hope you enjoy my company and my blog, if theres any other questions you wanna ask to know other things about me that aren’t listed here then you are free to shoot me an ask anytime! (no pressure of course <3.) Im sure we will become good friends someday! take care ♡

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bosskie · 13 days

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Another Molluck Study Night

Man, I just felt like I gotta learn from my mistakes I did with my previous sketches/studies, so I tried a different approach, meaning basically thinking differently while drawing but well, I also spent a few hours on this since I wanted to take a closer look at Molluck's shapes. It feels like I finally could draw 'anatomically correct' Molluck, meaning that I feel like I drew his body in a correct way.

I just feel like I tend to draw him too muscular or his shoulders are too wide since they are actually kinda narrow. I don't actually wanna make his body any different that it is, it's perfect as it is! Frankly, I feel like it seems somewhat usual for Gluk-enjoyers to make them have more 'normal bodies'. I don't personally really like Molluck having 'a normal body' since I love his 'odd body'! He just doesn't feel right with that 'normal body'... It's not him for me. Though yes, his body can restrict him significantly but I wanna love him with those restrictions. I feel kinda alone with loving his body like it is, like having zero changes and/or additions.

Man, it's still always interesting to see how people like to have Molluck. Like today (yesterday), I happened to find one more person who has done Molluck self-insert stuff and it was something different. The person seems to be no longer active and that post was done like two years ago, which was kinda the last year of 'Golden Molluck Years'; I mean, back then was just more people loving Molluck, creating/posting stuff about him etc. I can never forget one Twitter profile... It was private though and I feel like it's too NSFW to say here what that profile had written on it... But that person seemed to want badly Molluck's non-existing D... Nothing wrong with that, I'm just the opposite with this, that's why no changes are needed for me... Just interesting that I seem to be quite alone with this...

But yeah, that person I just found seemed to picture Molluck as 'a paternal figure' (and also made him have 'a normal body'). Frankly, when I have been having some thoughts about raising a family with Molluck (= adopting a Gluk baby) for fun, I just cannot see Molluck as a parent, though I don't see myself as one either... I'm only into how Gluks grow up, what like they even look as little etc. so it more like feels like being a scientist than a parent if I had adopted a Gluk... So, nope. I also do not see Molluck as 'a daddy', also because it's not what I'm into. Like I have said many times before, I do see myself in him, so this makes me see us having equal 'roles' in my self-insert stuff. Though, yeah, this can vary depending on the situation/thing but mainly for 'natural reasons', like related to his body or wealth. I also just wish to take care of Molluck since he does need help but I also do not wish to do every single thing for him, I do not wish to be his valet, so yeah, luckily he got Sligs (too). But I love to think about things like washing him since I also care about his well-being. He is free to smoke though... He probably has quite strong cigar smell on him but I feel like it wouldn't be a problem for me, maybe would even enjoy it. I have been joking that there is no need to develop a scent for Molluck, like I have seen some scents developed for fictional characters, since you can just get a cigar and smell that! Yeah, that's basically what I have done... Bought a cigar just because of Molluck!

But yeah, I just have been trying to say that I do like to do the things in my way and it can annoy me when the things ain't done in that way... So yeah, I feel Molluck... I can be bossy and intimidating, even I have no intention to be like that. I guess that you can get it why I have no interest in seeing Molluck as 'a daddy'... Actually, if I could have chosen like any name for my account here, I would have chosen something like 'your boss'... I just enjoy boss stuff, being called a boss etc. and it's been so for a long time. I'm not being totally serious with my stuff, like this boss stuff is also about me having fun.

Oh, and I wanna be clear about that I don't wanna judge the other 'Molluck enjoyers', I'm only curious and wanna share my thoughts on how differently Molluck can be seen! I bet that it also just reflects the person itself, like I do see Molluck in a different way because I see myself in him versus a person who doesn't see themself in him. Just enjoy Molluck like you want but yes, you are also free to hate him! It's kinda odd when it comes to fictional loves, that you just can never really 'own' that character like a real person, meaning that there is just one 'version' of that real person while there are 'multiple copies' of that fictional character, many people being able to do self-insert stuff about them. I mean, yes, it can feel odd to see Molluck being like that with someone else but I'm also just interested in seeing how people see him since, like I have said, I have seen no one else seeing Molluck like I do, referring mainly to how I want him...

Also, I feel like the reason why I even want Molluck, why I love him this much, is different from what the others have since it's that I see myself in him; only after that his appearance caught my attention too, like I have said many times before. Maybe this is also the reason why I seem to be 'the only one who survived' from those 'Golden Molluck Years' since barely anyone else does Molluck content these days. My love for Molluck is just deep and true, and I feel like my love for him just keeps growing, I love him more than ever now! Everyone is free to love him for whatever reason but I'm just unable to love/want someone just for the appearance, it must be about something deep(er). I honestly don't know what makes Molluck hot for the others... So yeah, it's actually confusing for me to see that many people thinking that Molluck is hot... I just don't understand stuff like this in general since yeah, like I have said, I'm quite 'immune to appearance stuff', don't even know when someone is 'charismatic'... Man, sometimes I feel like I'm somehow broken when I seem to differ so often from the others, in many ways, but well, I'm just one odd creature. I have just grown up getting called 'odd' and it might be one of the reasons why I have developed self-hatred...

Man, I just can write so much about Molluck 'n' stuff related to him... But yeah, I don't mind being quite alone with being a Molluck content creator. I keep him loved, hugged, and kissed!

#molluck #oddworld molluck #molluck the glukkon #oddworld #art like a bosskie

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katyspersonal · 1 month

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3, 18, 20, 48, 49 for Yura! Tell me about this old ronin!

THIS GUY!! I did not expect the guy!! (Asks from this ( x ) meme)

3) What first drew you to this character?

I did not pay close attention to him at first; as you remember, it was a rough time of me getting used to Elden Ring and I was confused! BB was my first intro to Soulsborne games and whereas everyone were going 'ah yeah DS 4, 5 and 6 in one' I was in pain dhfhsd So I skimmed through him... Until I've learned somewhere what he was doing and realised he was 'male Eileen' as I've nicknamed him! xd I love the 'mercy killer assassin' trope, so I've started to actually pay close attention to him!

18) Do you prefer to see this character suffer or know peace? Angst or comfort? Both?

It is definitely both. The fanarts of him I've seen centred mostly around his relationship with Eleonora, and both wholesome happier times shenanigans and The Drama are enjoyable! His feelings for her are one of his core traits as a character, so this is fair that a lot of him shines here. As for me, I've doodled him two times for now, and in both cases he was suffering, so :') He is both very stoic and very sensitive, my favourite combination! So I just want him to know comfort for one but also want that 'sensitivity' to come through. His crying was so genuine.. :pensive:

20) Do you feel affectionate towards this character?

I do! He is honestly so likeable? I have involuntary thoughts of sitting next to him and hugging him every time I meet him in the game :3 It especially moved my heart when I've realised that him reflecting on always running into reckless fools after we killed a dragon was him thinking back on Eleonora, and seeing her in Tarnished that moment. This is just so deep. And I also really, really love his voice acting. It is one of the most trademark Soulsborne ones in entire Elden Ring.

48) What’s your favorite physical/design feature for this character?

Welll, this is.....

obviously his.......

CUTE OLD MAN FRECKLES!!!!!

(Screenshots from this ( x ) post, I forgor to recreate ER characters data in the game for self-reference myself sorry fdhfds) Apparently his forehead is covered in the old man spots, we just can't see it x)

Also, apparently he has dark brown eyes, but the color is obscured into practically a different one by clouding effect? "Eye color change" is a semi-frequient feature across ER character data. Just something to keep in mind, if the need to draw a fanart of him in earlier times ever comes!

49) What’s your favorite personality trait in this character?

Again, that he has a very big heart. You'd expect someone so old, with so much experience, who has seen people downspirall to both dragonic powers insanity and violence, who has been mercy-killing people that became blood-drunk succumbed to blood-lust, and is on the quest to "liberate" the love of his life to be at least a bit cynical? But you don't see this guy allowing ourselves to run into a dragon and then gently mocking us, in the manner of a man who knows his shit watching a n00b go x) No, he instantly warns us to stay safe and out of it, then sighs at us being a fool, then also warns us to be careful with the dragon powers hunger after deciding it'd be safer to tell the truth about what TO do with the dragon heart. I interpret the latter as him believing that if we are to mess with something dangerous, then at least better do it the 'checked' way. This man has developed NO cynicism and doom-thinking.

My point is, he has a lot of sympathy and concern for someone that should have by now gotten numb and not be attached to another person that will sure just go mad eventually. I like that he still cares while it lasts. He acts not wanting our help in murdering for our own sake, but is still thankful that we helped. Again, reminds me of Eileen a lot. He and Eleonora might even be like gender-bent Eileen and Crow (yet again I am thinking of my alternative theory of Crow having been an infiltrator that wanted to slay Annalise but fell for her charms and blood corruption.... argh is this too late to rewrite my "main" headcanons..? though I guess I don't need to, because the more these pairs of characters are distinct, the cooler!).

#elden ring #bloody finger hunter yura #ask replies #also I am typing this with a clown makeup on my face because I think I forgor Eileen in the list of favs to ask about lol #okay I did list 30+ characters but I still don't have an excuse

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rays-of-fire-and-ice · 4 months

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🎨💛💡

Fanfic Writer Ask Game

🎨 If someone were to make fanart of your work, what fic or scene would you hope to see?

Short and sweet answer: any of them! I'd be honored anyone would want to draw a scene from one of my fics, so honestly any of them!

If I really have to narrow it down though, then any scene from Amongst the Ruins or Petrichor but I can only say one fic, shh.

💛 What is the most impactful lesson you’ve learned about writing?

Take your time, both in writing the fic. While it's good to set yourself deadlines for writing, it can act as a motivator for some people. However, the reality is that the world is going to throw things at you which will make you need to change your schedule or drop everything to take care of it. For myself, I aim to write at least a little each day, mostly for enjoyment, but if I can't for whatever reason, I don't beat myself up for it. This was a challenge in the beginning, but I have gradually let go of this attitude.

However, it's for this reason why I don't commit to writing chaptered or multiple-part long stories. The few times I have (As Months Go By, As Season Change and , you'll notice it took me a long time to finish them. I don't want to leave readers wondering what will happen next, only for it be years later when the next part or chapter comes, or in the worst case scenario, leave the fic unfinished. We've all gone through the pain of reading a really good fic and then getting to the end, wondering when the next chapter will come out, only to see it's been more than a year since the author updated the fic. Sometimes, they come back and update it, but other times, for legitimate reasons of course, they don't. Even so, I prefer to write one-shots and have the story be done and dusted by the end.

...Still, I have that chaptered story about how Toshiro and Momo reconcile to write, or as I have called it ‘the outline of a fanfic I hope to one day write when I don’t feel so daunted by it’ XD

💡How many WIPs do you currently have?

Three, one of which I will be giving a preview for in my next ask response ;D One is for the final prompts for yearoftheotpevent's challenge, another is for a request from last year ( ^^;), and the other is a fic I've been writing on and off for since July.

Thanks for sending these in! :D

#hitsuhina #fanfiction #asks #thank you so much to everyone who has sent in asks so far!#I need to log off for now but will answer more tonight :D

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fandom-fae · 1 year

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so i’ve learned a lot about art history recently because of my Abitur, but due to that i’ve noticed something. “old” artists used to spend not just days, but weeks, months or even years on a single painting. and like sure part of that has to do with the main medium of the time being oil paint, but even then it’s an interesting change. i just saw someone say that they’d never spent more than 12 hours on a single painting and honestly i relate to that, because neither did i probably. but its still so interesting yk?

i feel like the commercialisation of art and social media had an influence on that. because like this is something so many people criticise, but that constant “need” to put out more “content” to not become “irrelevant” has almost definitely driven at least some artists to prioritise speed over something else. maybe they prioritise speed over quality or over enjoyment or maybe something completely different. i don’t know for sure because i can’t read minds lol. but even when its not a matter of priority, that tendency to want to do art faster can still be there, even for people who don’t actually post their work often/at all.

i’ll be using myself as an example here, because i make art and rarely post it these days, but i’ve also noticed this in myself. like i’ll see someone post an amazing work and mention in the tags how long it took them and i’ll compare that to myself and how long something of similar detail would’ve taken me and it’s very interesting. it makes me try to draw faster, even when that makes me enjoy it less and there isn’t even a real reason for it, because like- i wasn’t going to post this anyway yk? like i make art for myself first, and only rarely post it - so why do i care about how long a drawing takes me? why do i rush myself? because of ambition maybe, but more likely its just the want to be “better” even when i KNOW that that is subjective and doesn’t actually matter. especially because rushed work isn’t better work, more like the opposite actually.

art isn’t something that should have to be rushed. both because it can take away the enjoyment but also just in general doesn’t benefit the actual artwork, you know? you shouldn’t feel like you have to force yourself to work faster just to prove your skills or to stay relevant or whatever. you should be able to let yourself work at your own pace and for your own enjoyment. and obviously that’s not possible for everyone, either because they don’t have enough free time to work slow or because they rely on their art for income - but if you’re in a position where you can allow yourself to take the time you need for an artwork; then take that time, allow the artwork to take the time it needs.

your art is still just as good if you took longer to make. your art doesn’t have to be produced quickly, you can allow yourself to rest. allow yourself to be slow and to enjoy the process, because what’s the point of art if we can’t enjoy making it anymore? <3

and even if this whole spiel about speed doesn’t apply to you, then still don’t let the enjoyment of the process of making art come short <333!!!!

#moi #art #artists on tumblr #digital art #traditional art #my writing #kinda #normally i would only use that tag for actual fiction writing but eh yk? i think it fits #writeblr #artblr #writers on tumblr #positivity #kinda- that’s the intention at least.#essay #not like really but its the closest i’ve gotten to writing an essay in my free time about sth that i care about

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vispero · 2 years

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So, about previous Genshin and Luckae or Kaeluc ship.

I need to clarify some things. (Also don't mind mistakes, English isn't my first language.)

To me fictional content isn't some "example" you should follow irl. It's more about experiencing something you actually -can't- do irl. And as far as you not doing something bad/illegal, you free to like, create and enjoy any character and ships. There is actual laws about content which is allowed or now, and if someone just don't like something but it's allowed by site rules, then by no means anyone should blame, troll or hate people who create -allowed- content. Block button is a thing and it's better to use it than make "fandom" "hatedom".

All my life I was playing games, mostly Jrpg (final fantasy, tales of etc.). And in my childhood translations usually was bad or awful :') Years later I finally was able to check original scripts and yep, there was a lot of "new" facts. So even now, while I playing with Japanese audio and English or other subtitles, I often compare what I hear and what I see, and there sadly a ton of differences, some major, some minor (same goes about just text without audio, and it's more difficult to compare sadly). Should localisation team change facts to make it more appealing for their audience? Idk, honestly. To me original script and ideas always come first and translations and adaptations second, it shows what authors meant initially and I'm here for that. But even if someone prefer translations/localisations, then they shouldn't be arrogant and going so far as telling that only their opinion valid while ignoring Original (in Genshin case - Chinese) version and it's enjoyers.

Now about Kaeya and Diluc. I didn't know anything about them when I started playing. And after some of first quests I actually catched myself thinking "Damn, there is so nice chemistry there, I'm all here for that!" Muuuch later piece by piece I learned about their story. I also found post about Chinese version about their relationship, it was really educational. (I need to clarify that incest isn't my cup of tea, I'm not judging or anything, just not my thing. Idk if I'm bad person because of that but honestly I don't think I should tell anyone what they should like/ship. Also see 1th paragraph.) But in Kaeya and Diluc case I don't see them as actual brothers, adoptive or not. There is more interesting and complicated situation and I'm here for that, I like difficult relationships in media. And if Chinese players explained about "sworn brothers" trope, then it's clear why Genshin creators went with it. Western fandom can accept it or not because of English translation, but they honestly shouldn't force their opinion on those who don't see them as actual brothers. I don't think it's that hard?

I'm not really caring about what some people think about me online. I'm not drawing anything shocking (I hope xD), so people can like or don't like my opinion/artworks, but it's more about preferences than anything else. Most of my works very SFW or with some R rating (because of blood/dark theme), but I strongly support all artists and writers, sfw of nsfw.

And yep, I ship Diluc and Kaeya. In more Chinese trope style (perspective), so if someone don't like it just ignore me. I'm really glad I found this ship, they have complicated and dramatic story and I'm here for that. So "Hi" to all fellow shippers <3

P.S. I'm more Luckae person but you probably won't notice it in my artworks, they mostly G-PG13 anyway.

#genshin impact #luckae #kaeluc

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monster--boyfriend · 8 months

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@anthonypanics tagged me in this and then I promptly drafted it and forgot. But what's more tumblr than that? Also these things are just fun and feel like classic old school tumblr

were you named/named yourself after anyone?

I did in fact name myself and yes all three names were after someone or something. The first, Jasper, was after the Steven Universe character and no I don't regret that. She was and still is massively important to me as a character. My middle name, Aspen, I chose as well. I really wanted some kind of tree and after looking at a lot of symbolism behind various trees, the Aspen stuck with me. Of it's many different historical meanings, strength through diversity stuck with me the most. My last name, which I also changed, I took from my grandmother. It was her maiden name. I always admired it, always liked how it felt so much closer to what little culture I have, and so I took it. And as an extra little treat just for me, my initials spell Jam. Which I want so bad to be my nickname but no one has ever picked up on it.

when was the last time you cried?

I can't even remember? I think maybe it was last year? It happens so rarely now it's hard to remember. Medication is a magical thing

do you have kids?

No and I don't think I'll ever be able to parent any on my own. I would like to but I just don't think that I could possibly afford to care for any kid by myself. I'd need a partner who wanted to parent as well.

do you use sarcasm a lot?

I had to think about this because I actually think I'm slightly less sarcastic than I used to be. Like I'm still very sarcastic but I don't always default to it

what's the first thing you notice about people?

If we're not talking about like, visual aspects, then the first thing I almost always figure is if someone is some level of geek or nerd or the likes. I stand out enough visually that I will have people comment on my outfit very often in public. The way they comment tells me a lot about them in most cases. People who are some kind of nerd or even sort of in some kind of fandom, will likely recognize something on me and comment on it Or sometimes they will comment on something else and it can tell me that while they might not be fannish folk, they have similar political ideas as me. Or even inversely just the look I get from others tells me they find something if not everything about me distasteful.

what's your eye colour?

I'm sorry, I'm a blue eye haver

any special talents?

I have a fairly good sense of direction and learn the layout of places very quickly. I'm generally really good at not getting lost or if I do get lost, figuring out how to get unlost pretty easily.

scary movies or happy endings?

If I could only pic ONE I'd probably end up taking the scary movie. A lot of my favourite have been in the realm of horror lately so

where were you born?

Vancouver, BC. Lived here my whole life. Probably gonna die here too unless I somehow acquire a large amount of money. In which case I'll just move to Vancouver Island.

what are your hobbies?

I do be enjoying drawing again recently. But I also like sewing and I'm learning to embroider. I also love gardening and foraging. Cycling as well.

have any pets?

what sport do you play/have you played?

When I was in 4th grade? I think it was 4th, I played soccer at recess but that's about it. I wasn't in any organized sports. I was however briefly in gymnastics, dance, modelling, swimming, and I took piano lessons.

how tall are you?

I don't know, I think 5'5"? I'm not actually sure anymore.

dream job?

I don't even know. I don't think my body could do the kind of work I would find actually fulfilling and enjoyable now. But also some of that factory work on How It's Made looks good.

I'll tag @queerrbyrd @nebelung-dragon @umberisk @avoidingdestiny @cosmichorrorcocoa @mind-altering-bugs @minecraftgender @eispeon aaand that's all the mutuals I can remember off the top of my head but feel free to anyone do it and say I tagged you I'm tagging you in my mind

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telleroftime · 9 months

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Not sure if this counts as vent, but this post is about me praising Tumblr's space and talking about how stressful other social media are with their almost dog-eat-dog mentality.

I just realised why I prefer posting on here than on any other social media. I come from Instagram, and comparing Tumblr to that... Here the number of followers doesn't matter. No one cares. You post out of enjoyment and the communities - the ones you can insert yourself into - are close here. Any other social medial forces you to perform. They all demand perfection in a way. It's why for a good while I haven't posted any art on the Instagram. Sharing artwork shouldn't bring one stress and yet it does. Getting a perfect drawing and matching it with a perfect description. That's what burnt me out for a long while.

Though I don't want to post art on here, that's always a possibility. On Instagram... I both want to restart my art account - make a new one and have a fresh start - and at the same time I'm so attached to the username. Restarting feels like such a big thing. New name, new account. It feels like I need a reason to do that.

And comparing Tumblr - here, if I really wanted, I could just change my theme and no one would bat an eye. If I suddenly stop writing for Bowser, or maybe I go and give the other characters some more love - I can and no one will really care. Do I stop writing altogether? Cool.

Tumblr is so comfortable to be on. The atmosphere here is wonderful. The people here are wonderful. The mutuals here mean the world to me.

Never have I thought to myself that I should start over just because I've been inactive. Never have I thought to make a new account just because my writing style has changed.

And Instagram does that. Or maybe it's just me though.

Anyways - Tumblr rocks, other Social Media need to learn from this app. The only major complaints I've seen about Tumblr is the fact that oml devs please just stop changing the interface most of us are neurodivergent please just pick something and stick with it.

#toonce offtopic #Probably counts as vent but I dislike social media and the only exception to that is Tumblr

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arthotsglasses · 2 years

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Admin's Little Simp Diary

So yesterday yk suffering from "post Clavis Simping" phase, I found out about AI that create illustrations from the keywords you type in. My Twitch chat was telling me all about it and I got to use it.

And that moment, I completely lost it. my existence felt so useless, worthless, because some machine now has way better art skill and speed within seconds. Ai produces things that would take me so much time and effort to make. All my hard work to learn the skills, anatomy, perspective, etc, felt so useless. As a freshman college student trying to get a job in the art industry, I've been bombarded within the past few weeks of people telling me to apply to this and that, internships, competitions, projects, sooooo much work. I couldn't do it, I didn't feel good enough, I was devastated. I didn't know how I was gonna overcome this Ai thing and get a job. There is nothing that I can do better compared to the ai. I fell into this depressing moment of questioning my existence.

Chat asked me, if I exist to draw, and at first I said yes. But the more I think about it, I don't. I exist to simp, I genuinely enjoy that feeling of loving 2D anime boys.... and drawing/art is a method of simping where I can contribute to the content and fandom for my enjoyment.

spoilers for Clavis route below lel

Then Clavis came into my mind... he was born to face Chev who is literally a god, genius, gigachad. He can't be beaten in any skillful way. So ofc I can imagine how painful that would be. But, there was something that even Chev couldn't do. To be a decent compassionate human being. The imperfections of Clavis (aka humanity) having to work so hard to reach a certain level, caring for minority, and how he would go to die for some small amount of people, it made me realize that's who we are. We can't always make best decisions for the world, create the most technically correct art to perfection (Chev). But what really matters is what I want to do. idgaf if anyone else can be more dedicated to their 2D mans than me, what matters is the love and connection I feel towards them and how it makes me happy (but that is also really hard for me because my nature is very competitive and I hate it when anyone is better than me). because that's what separates us from Ai (till the day ai gets emotions and free will to destroy us all haha) but then again, I dont care if ai can simp better than me either. Not my problem good for you gl hf.

I love Chev, I think he is such a cool guy and literally good at everything yes. But I dont want to be him. I would rather be Clavis who enjoys life, face his fears, have insecurities, compassion, and selfishness to only give a fuck about his small group of people who he loves. So I'm starting to accept my fears and lack of ability as who I am and understand that that is a beautiful thing. Because I think Clavis as a person is beautiful. The vast scale of ups and downs of emotions I feel are what makes life joyful and appreciated. Plus, I always tend to forget that I don't always have to achieve grand massive world scale goals. Like Clavis, if I am happy, loved by people who I want to be loved by, care for the people who I care, that is enough. I can work at a small game studio just enough to feed myself and some spare change to simp, and Im good. that is enough for me and I think I can manage to do that much in life (because I have crippling anxiety that I will never get a job and starve to death homeless fr).

Come to realize it now, this is the reason why I felt Clavis' route so amazing yet painful. It made me uncomfortable but I took steps to reevaluate my world views and what matters most. and at the end of the day, I'm here on earth for a bit, so might as well enjoy it to the fullest. There are qualities of Clavis that makes me love him so much, and I also happen to have some the same qualities. So, why not love myself a bit too? It's gonna be a long journey and this is only a baby step for my self love, but I have some hope. He also said if you haven't given up, if you haven't died, you haven't lost. So, I will continue to try even if I fail, I will apply to those internships, competitions even if I dont win. And one day, I hope I can find someone like how Clavis found MC because oh boy did Clavis look so happy at the end. I believe I can reach that point one day too.

Just remember, answer to everything is to simp.

#clavis lelouch #ikepri #ikemen prince #ikepri clavis #ikepri chevalier #chevalier michel #ikemen series #otome #admin rant

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kerriskatheotstudent · 8 months

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Discuss “therapeutic use of self” giving examples from your practice.

Being a friend.

Scrubs - overflowing with pens, random pieces of paper, a deck of trusty cards and endless objects that could count as ‘therapeutic tools’. I rush along with my assessment file, bursting at the seams. Did I set up the activity according to my structuring principles in the write-up ? What was that example of a CBT technique on slide 23 of the AFR PowerPoint ? How did the textbook say to answer this question ? Being a student occupational therapist, I find myself constantly trying to draw on the knowledge I have been exposed to throughout my course. From new-age PowerPoints to dusty-old textbooks - I attempt to utilize every means of intervention theoretically approved. However, I have come to learn in the light of recent events (being my current block), that the most valuable therapeutic device is ✨personality✨! Whilst all the above surely is significant in this healthcare profession, the beauty of OT lies in its characteristic of a personal relationship with our clients (collaboration (MOTR/L, 2023)).

Whether in a physical or mental healthcare setting, I am bombarded by the vulnerability of my client’s. Be it a disorder, injury or disease - i have been exposed to people who find themselves in an almost defenceless state. Upon this realization, I begin to think as to what it would be like to be in their place ? How would I want to be taken care of ? How would I want my therapist’s to treat me ? (empathy (MOTR/L), 2023) This was the initiation of my critical thinking and the application of using myself as a therapeutic tool.

From the term ‘therapeutic use of self’, I have gathered the importance of capitalizing on my own “personality, perceptions, opinions, and judgments” in a manner which enables my therapy to be more effective. (MOTR/L, 2023). Being able to harness and utilise my innate characteristics, in a professional manner was a bit challenging at first. Would the recovering stroke-survivor find the wit in my humour ? What would my supervisor say ? Is it even allowed to spend half my session laughing and the other half talking about something completely unplanned for ? NO WAY. Put on that lab coat, let’s get to work - memorize that session write-up and stick to it ! If you had caught me at the onset of 2023, that most definitely would have been my answer, without any hesitation.

However, as my year draws to a close, I begin to reflect on the ever changing nature of my therapeutic approach. Every client that I have treated this year, each needed something different - however, something they seemed to have all needed, was a friend more than anything. This was the beginning of my therapeutic evolution. I started viewing my client’s in a more humanistic manner rather than just patients from a centre who needed fixing. If it mattered to them, it mattered to me (advocacy (MOTR/L, 2023)). Being a ‘multipurpose’ individual, I was able to adapt my many qualities to suit the nature of each client and session, tailoring it to the context of each individual. Somehow, through offering my 1000 jokes, a shoulder to cry on and preaching about my love of coffee, I was able to formulate a sincere relationship with my clients. This further encouraged engagement in each session and allowed for goals to be met, in an enjoyable and keen manner. I was able to almost instantly note the change in my clients and each session, as I began to expose who I really am - meeting them at their level of vulnerability.

'They may forget what you said - but they will never forget how you made them feel' - Carl Beuhner

Upon research, I found that there are 4 techniques to maximize the effectiveness of using oneself as a therapeutic tool - attunement, unconditional positive regard (encouragement & cheerleading (MOTR/L, 2023)), self-disclosure and balancing the power differential (cheerleading (MOTR/L, 2023)). (Abson, 2019). These techniques have proved successful in that, through application of relating to the client (disclosing information about myself - mutual love for food) and providing them with unconditional positive regard (acknowledging that they are trying their best irrespective of the quality of the end product), I found my therapy to be more motivating and meaningful.

In conclusion, being able to utilize myself therapeutically requires a lot more than just being a book of knowledge. Sometimes half the therapy comes from simply being who I am - hanging up that lab coat and just being a friend.

References

3 Ways Therapeutic Use of Self Can Improve Patient Outcomes. (2023, May 2). MedBridge Blog. https://www.medbridge.com/blog/2023/05/3-ways-therapeutic-use-of-self-can-improve-patient-outcomes/

Abson, D. (2019, March 3). Therapeutic Use of Self. The OT Hub. https://www.theothub.com/article/therapeutic-use-of-self

Chandler, M. (2018, April 18). Therapeutic Use of Self: What Does That Even Mean for OTs? | myotspot.com. Myotspot.com. https://www.myotspot.com/therapeutic-use-of-self/

Harkla. (n.d.). #106 - Improving your Therapeutic Use of Self and Why it’s Such an Important Part of Therapy. Harkla. Retrieved September 15, 2023, from https://harkla.co/blogs/podcast/106-improving-your-therapeutic-use-of-selfMOTR/L, M. C. (2023, April 27). How To Use Therapeutic Use Of Self In Occupational Therapy | OT Flourish. Otflourish.com. https://otflourish.com/therapeutic-use-of-self-occupational-therapy/

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hamliet · 3 years

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The Crows Summon the Sun

Or, Hamliet’s review of Shadow & Bone, which gets a 4.5/5 for enjoyment and a 3.5/5 in terms of writing.

The true heroes of this story and the saviors of the show are the Crows. However, the problem is that the show then has an uneven feel, because the strength of the Crows plotline highlights the weaknesses of the trilogy storyline. But imo, overall, the strengths overshadow (#punintended) the weaknesses.

I’ll divide the review into the narrative and the technical (show stuff, social commentary), starting with narrative.

Narrative: The Good

It’s What The Crows Deserve

I went into the show watching it for the Crows; however, knowing that their storyline was intended to be a prequel, I wasn’t terribly optimistic. And while it is a prequel, the characters have complete and full arcs that perfectly set them up for the further development they will have in the books (which I think should be the next season?). Instead of retreading the arcs they’d have in the books, which is how prequels usually go, they had perfect set up for these arcs. It’s really excellent.

Jesper, Inej, and Kaz are all allowed to be flawed, to have serious conflicts with one another, and yet to love each other. They feel like a found family in the best of ways. Kaz is the perfect selfish rogue; he’s a much more successfully executed Byronic hero than the Darkling, actually. Inej is heroic and her faith is not mocked, yet she too is flawed and her choices are not always entirely justified, but instead left to the audience to ponder (like killing the girl), which is a more mature writing choice that I appreciated.

Jesper is charming, has a heart of gold despite being a murderer and on the surface fairly greedy, and MILO THE EMOTIONAL SUPPORT GOAT WAS THE BEST THING EVER. I also liked Jesper’s fling with Dima but I felt it could be better used rather than merely establishing his sexuality, like if Jesper and Dima had seen each other one more time or something had come of their tryst for the plot/themes/development of Jesper.

Nina and Matthias’s backstory being in the first season, instead of in flashbacks, really works because it automatically erases any discomfort of the implications of Nina having falsely accused Matthias that the books start with. We know Nina, we know Matthias, we know their motivations, backgrounds, and why they feel the way we do. It’ll be easy for the audience to root for them without a lot of unnecessary hate springing from misunderstanding Nina (since she’s my favorite). Matthias’s arc was also really strongly executed and satisfyingly tragic. Their plotline was a bit unfortunately disconnected from the rest of the story, but Danielle Gallagan and Callahan Skogman have absolutely sizzling chemistry so I found myself looking forward to their scenes instead of feeling distracted. Also? It’s nice seeing a woman with Nina’s body type as a romantic and powerful character.

Hamliet Likes Malina Now

Insofar as the trilogy storyline goes, the best change the show made was Mal. He still is the same character from the books, but much more likable. The pining was... a lot (too much in episode 4, I felt) but Malina is a ship I actually enjoyed in the show while I NOTP’d it in the books. Mal has complexity and layers to his motivations (somewhat) and a likable if awkward charm. Archie Renaux was fantastic.

Ben Barnes is the perfect Aleksandr Kirigan, and 15 year old me, who had the biggest of big crushes on Ben Barnes (first celebrity crush over a decade ago lol), was pretty damn happy lol. He’s magnificantly acted--sympathetic and terrifying, sincerely caring and yet villainous in moments. Story-wise, I think it was smart to reveal his name earlier on than in the books, because it helps with the humanization especially in a visual medium like film. Luda was a fitting (if heartbreaking) backstory, but it is also hard for me to stomach knowing what the endgame of his character is. Like... I get the X-men fallacy thing, but I hope the show gives more kindness to his character than the books did, yet I’m afraid to hold my breath. Just saying that if you employ save the cat, if you directly say you added this part (Luda) to make the character more likable (as the director did) please do not punish the audience for feeling what you intended.

I also liked the change that made Alina half-Shu. It adds well to her arc and fits with her character, actually giving her motivations (she kinda just wants to be ordinary in a lot of ways) a much more interesting foundation than in the books. Also it’s nice not to have another knock-off Daenerys (looking to you Celaena and book!Alina). Jessie Mei Li does a good job playing Alina’s insecurities and emotions, but...

Narrative: The Ehhhhhhh

Alina the Lamp

Sigh. Here we go. Alina has little consistent characterization. She’s almost always passive when we see her, yet she apparently punches an officer for calling her a name and this seems to be normal for her, but it doesn’t fit at all with what we know about her thus far. Contradictions are a part of humanity, but it’s never given any focus, so it comes across as inconsistent instead of a flaw or repression.

I have no idea what Alina wants, beside that she wants to be with Mal, which is fine except I have no idea what the basis of their bond is. Even with like, other childhood friends to lovers like Ren/Nora in RWBY or Eren/Mikasa in SnK, there’s an inciting moment, a reason, that we learn very early on in their story to show us what draws them together. Alina and Mal just don’t have that. There’s the meadow/running away thing, but they were already so close, and why? Why, exactly? What brought them together? The term “bullies” is thrown around but it isn’t ever explored and it needed to be this season. If I have to deal with intense pining for so many episodes at least give me a foundation for their devotion. You need to put this in the beginning, in the first season. You just do.

A “lamp” character is a common metaphor to describe a bad character: essentially, you could replace the character with a lamp and nothing changes. Considering Alina’s gift is light, it’s a funnily apt metaphor, but it really does apply. Her choices just don’t... matter. She could be a special lamp everyone is fighting over and almost nothing would change. The ironic thing is that everyone treating her like a fancy lamp is exactly the conflict, but it’s never delved into. We’re never shown that Alina is more than a lamp. She never has to struggle because her choices are made for her and information is gifted to her when she needs it. Not making choices protects Alina from consequences and the story gives her little incentive to change that; in fact, things tend to turn out better when she doesn’t make choices (magic stags will arrive).

Like... let’s look at a few occasions when Alina almost or does make choices. For example, she chooses to (it seems) sleep with Kirigan, but then there’s a convenient knock at the door and Bhagra arrives with key information that changes Alina’s mind instantly despite the fact that Bhagra’s been pretty terrible to her. If you want to write a woman realizing she’s been duped by a cruel man, show her discovering it instead of having the man’s abusive mother tell her when she had absolutely no such suspicions beforehand. There’s no emotional weight there because Alina doesn’t struggle.

When she is actually allowed to carry out a bad choice, the consequences are handwaved away instead of built into a challenge for her. Like... Alina got her friends killed. More than once. I’m not saying she’s entirely to blame for these but could we show her reacting to it? Feeling any sort of grief? She never mentions Raisa or Alexei after they’re gone, just Mal, and I’m... okay. They were there because of you. Aren’t you feeling anything? Aren’t you sad? The only time Alina brings up her friends’ deaths is to tell Kirigan he killed her friends when they were only there because she burned the maps. She yells at Kirigan for “never” giving her a choice, but she almost never makes any, so why would he? Alina has the gall to lecture Genya about choices, but she herself almost never has to make any.

Which brings me to another complaint in general: Alina’s lack of care for everyone around her when they’re not Mal, even if they care for her. Marie dies because of her (absolutely not her fault of course) but as far as we know she never even learns about Marie. She certainly doesn’t ever ask about her or Nadia. Alina seems apathetic at best to people, certainly not compassionate or kind.

The frustrating thing is that there is potential here. Like, it actually makes a lot of psychological sense for an orphan who has grown up losing to be reluctant to care for people outside of her orbit and that she would struggle to believe she can have any say in her destiny (ie make choices). It’s also interesting that a girl who feels like an outsider views others outside her. But the show never offers examines Alina’s psychology with any depth; it simply tells us she’s compassionate when she is demonstrably not, it tells us she makes decisions when it takes magical intervention to do so. It’s a missed opportunity. This does not change between episodes 1 and 8, despite the episodes’ parallel structures and scenes, which unintentionally reinforces that Alina had little real development.

Inej and ironically Jesper and Kaz embody the concept of “mercy” far better and with far more complexity than Alina does. The Crows have reactions to the loss of people who even betray them (Arken, etc), learn, and course-correct (or don’t) when they are even loosely involved in having strangers die. They’re good characters because they change and learn and have their choices matter. When they kill we see them wrestle with it and what this means even if they are accustomed to doing so. Jesper can’t kill in front of a child. Kaz wonders what his killings do to Inej’s idea of him.

Narrative: The Mixed Bag

Tropes, Themes, Telling vs. Showing

So the show’s themes in the Alina storyline are a mess, as they are in the trilogy too. Tropes are a very valuable way to show your audience what you’re trying to say. They’re utilized worldwide because they resonate with people and we know what to expect from them. The Crows' storyline shows us what it wants us to learn.

Preaching tells, and unfortunately, the trilogy relies on telling/preaching against fornicationBad Boys. It’s your right to write any trope or trample any trope you want--your story--but you should at least understand what/why you are doing so. The author clearly knows enough about Jungian shadows and dark/light yin/yang symbolism to use it in the story, but then just handwaves it away as “I don’t like this” but never does so in a narratively effective way: addressing the appeal in the first place. If you really wanna deconstruct a trope, you gotta empathize with the core of the reason these tropes appeal to people (it allays deep fears that we are ourselves unlovable, through loving another person despite how beastly they can be), and address this instead of ignoring it. Show us a better way through the Fold of your story. Don’t just go around it and ignore the issue.

The trilogy offers highly simplistic themes at best--bad boy bad and good boy good, which is fine-ish for kid lit but less fine for adult complexity, which the show (more so than the books) seems to try to push despite not actually having much of it.

Alina and Mal are intended to be good, we’re told they are, but I’m not sure why beyond just that we’re told so. Alina claims the stag chose her, but in the show it’s never explained why at all. Unlike with Kaz, Inej, Jesper, and hell even Matthias and Nina, we don’t see Alina or Mal’s complex choices and internal wrestling.

Like, Inej’s half-episode where she almost killed the guy they needed was far more character exploration than Alina has the entire show, to say nothing of Inej’s later killing which not only makes her leaps and bounds more interesting, but ironically cements her as a far more compelling and yes, likable, heroine than Alina. We see Inej’s emotional and moral conflict. We can relate to her. We see Kaz struggling with his selfishness and regrets, with his understanding of himself through his interactions with and observations of Inej, Alina, the Darkling, Arken, and Jesper.

We don’t explore what makes Mal or Alina good and what makes them bad. We don’t know what Alina discovers about herself, what her power means for her. We are told they are good, we are told she knows her power is hers, but never shown what this means or what this costs them/her. Their opportunities to be good are handed to them (the stag, Bhagra) instead of given to them as a challenge in which they risk things, in which doing good or making a merciful choice costs them. Alina gets to preach about choices without ever making any; Inej risks going back to the Menagerie to trust Kaz. Her choices risk. They cost. They matter and direct her storyline and her arc, and those of the people around her.

Production Stuff:

The Good:

The production overall is quite excellent. The costumes, pacing, acting, and cinematography (for example, one of the earliest scenes between the Darkling and Alina has Alina with her back to the light, face covered in his shadow, while the Darkling’s face is light up by her light even if he stands in the shadows) are top-notch. The soundtrack as well is incredible and emphasizes the scenes playing. The actors have great chemistry together, friend chemistry and romantic when necessary (Mal and Alina, the Darkling and Alina, Kaz and Inej, Nina and Matthias, David and Genya, etc.) All are perfectly cast.

The Uncomfortable Technicalities Hamliet Wants to Bitch About:

The only characters from fantasy!Europe having any trace of an accent reminiscent of said fantasy country's real-world equivalent are antagonists like Druskelle (Scandinavia) and Pekka (Ireland). When the heroes mostly have British accents despite being from fantasy Russia and Holland, it is certainly A Choice to have the Irish accent emphasized. The actor is British by the way, so I presume he purposely put on an Irish accent. I'm sure no one even considered the potential implications of this but it is A Look nonetheless.

The Anachronisms Hamliet Has a Pet Peeve About:

The worldbuilding is compelling, but the only blight on the worldbuilding within the story itself (ignoring context) was that there are some anachronisms that took me out of the story, particularly in the first episode where “would you like to share with the class” and “saved by the horn” are both used. Both are modern-day idioms in English that just don’t fit, especially the latter. The last episode uses “the friends we made along the way.” There are other modern idioms as well.

IT’S STARKOVA and Other Pet Peeves Around the Russian Portrayal

Russian names are not hard, and Russian naming systems are very, very easy to learn. I could have waved “Starkov” not being “Starkova,” “Nazyalensky” not being “Nazyalenskaya,” and “Safin” not being “Safina” as an American interpretation (since in America, the names do not femininize). However, “Mozorova” as a man is unfathomable and suggests to me the author just doesn’t understand how names work, which is a bit... uh okay considering a simple google search gets you to understand Russian names. They aren’t hard. I cannot understand why the show did not fix this. It is so simple to fix and would be a major way to help the story’s overall... caricature of Russia.

Speaking of that... Ravka is supposedly Russian-based, but it is more accurately based on the stereotypes of what Americans think of Russia. Amerussia? Russica? Not great.

The royals are exactly what Americans think of the Romanovs, right down to the “greasy” “spiritual advisor” who is clearly Rasputin and which ignores the Romanov history, very real tragedy, and the reason Rasputin was present in the court. The religion with all its saints is a vapid reflection of Russian Orthodoxy. The military portrayal with its lotteries and brutality and war is how the US views the Russian military. The emphasis on orphans, constant starvation, classification, and children being ripped from their homes to serve the government is a classic US understanding of USSR communism right down to the USSR having weapons of destruction the rest of the world fears (Grisha). Not trying to defend the Soviet Union here at all, but it is simplistic and reductive and probably done unconsciously but still ehhhh.

However, I’m not Russian. I just studied Russian literature. I’ve seen very little by way of discussion of this topic online, but what I do see from Russian people has been mixed--some mind, some don’t. The reality is that I actually don’t really mind this because it’s fantasy, though I see why some do. I'm not like CANCEL THIS. So why am I talking about this beyond just having a pet peeve?

Well, because it is a valid critique, and because it doesn’t occur in a vacuum. The Grishaverse is heralded as an almost paragon for woke Young Adult literature, which underlines itself what so frustrates me about how literary circles discuss issues of diversity and culture. Such praise, while ignoring its quasi-caricature of Russia, reflects a very ethnocentric (specifically American) understanding of culture, appropriation, and representation. All stories are products of their culture to various extents, but it bothers me on principle what the lit community reacts (and overreacts sometimes?) to and what people give a pass to. The answer to what the community reacts to and what it gives a pass always pivots on how palatable the appropriation is to American understandings and sensibilities. There’s nuance here as well, though.

I'm not cancelling the story or thinking it should be harshly attacked for this, but it is something that can be discussed and imo should be far more often--but with the nuance it begs, instead of black/white. But that’s a tall ask.

#s&b #hamliet reviews #shadow and bone #six of crows #kanej #jesper fahey #kaz brekker #inej ghafa #alina starkov #malyen oretsev #the darkling #darklina #malina #aleksander kirigan #netflix shadow and bone #s&b review

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novelconcepts · 3 years

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for the prompt, please do dani and jamie with 22 thank you :)

prompt: kissing someone’s cuts/bruises/scratches

Jamie can’t remember the last time she needed someone to tend her cuts and scrapes. Can’t remember, even, the last time she wanted as much from another person. There’s something too vulnerable about holding out an open wound and saying, Here. Please. I can’t do it alone.

Jamie can do it alone, is the thing. Has done for so long, she’s forgotten what it was to want another person’s skin brushing her own, another person’s eyes concerned for her well-being. It’s become second-nature, pushing all of that aside. How many times has she wandered into the kitchen, a cloth pressed firmly to a torn-open patch of wrist or palm, and scoffed at Owen’s worry? How many times has Hannah strolled into the room to find her bracing an ice pack against a freshly-bruised knee, rolling her eyes heavenward at her own clumsy misfortune? It’s natural, courting injury as she maneuvers the grounds. Almost easier than it should be.

She’s never wanted anyone to fix it for her. Never trusted, if she’s honest, anyone to have the touch. People are too soft. Too twitchy about doing damage. As if there’s any helping a thing like that.

She’s never wanted it--

But Dani, meeting her in the doorway of the greenhouse, has an expression she’s never seen before. Not open worry, not nauseous distaste--an almost perfect, steady calm.

“Let me.”

No question mark at the end of the sentence. No hopeful sway to Dani’s hips, no itchy pull of Dani’s fingers along the elbows of her own jumper. Dani’s face is set, determined, almost as though she’s been waiting for this day since the first time their eyes met.

“No need,” Jamie says, though her head is pounding. Dani is plainly unimpressed.

“C’mere. Sit down.”

She can’t explain why she obeys; her body seems primed to follow instruction, perhaps as evidence of a concussion. There is a split above her brow where a tumbling branch caught her just right, and privately, she’s relieved--that it was her standing beneath the tree as the wind jerked it out of place, and not one of the kids. Jamie had been quick enough to dodge aside. If it had been Flora, if it had been Miles...

Better me. I can take it.

Dani has a kit in hand, she realizes, lifted from the manor bathroom. Sitting beside Jamie on the sofa, she tears open a single-use alcohol wipe. She hesitates only once, one hand hovering beside Jamie’s jaw; when Jamie nods, that hand takes her chin, fingers splayed gently to tip her head back.

“Deep breath.”

“I’m fine,” Jamie starts to say, the words hissing out of her when Dani angles the wipe against the edge of the wound. It’s small, thankfully--the branch had been, too, though Jamie knows better than anyone that size is no measure of danger--but the sting clenches her teeth together. She closes her eyes, trying her best to disassemble the pain and piece it back together into a more enjoyable sensation.

Not the burn, but the soft pressure of Dani’s hand on her skin.

Not the throb running a path along her skull, but the warmth of Dani’s breath mingling with her own.

Maybe this isn’t better, she realizes. Maybe it is infinitely worse, fixing on Dani’s knee pressed to her thigh, Dani’s hand cradling her cheek as though she doesn’t even know she’s doing it. Her eyes flick open to find Dani leaning close, inspecting the wound with an unflappable composure.

“It isn’t deep,” she says. “Might scar a little, though.”

“Not my first,” Jamie quips before she can stop herself. Dani’s eyebrows raise, her lips curving in a small smile.

“You’ve got stories.”

Not a question--and not a pressure, either. Just an easy statement. Sometimes, this is just Dani’s way: neat, straightforward, to the point. Jamie wonders what kind of life shapes a woman this way, to navigate the grip of anxiety one moment and turn utterly steadfast the next. She’d like to know. She’ll never push. Dani is a co-worker, nothing more; the last thing Jamie needs is to go crossing bounds again.

“Thank you,” she says, as Dani fishes out a bandage and some tape. “Didn’t, uh. Didn’t need--”

Dani silences her with another smile, tinged with something so like sadness, it puts any knock on the head to shame. “When I was little,” she says, “I was always getting hurt. I was a clumsy kid, I guess. Fell down a lot--out of trees, off my bike. My dad was always the one to take care of it.”

Jamie says nothing. This is the most Dani’s ever spoken directly to her, and she finds the bounce and curve of her Midwestern accent strangely comforting.

“He wasn’t really a typical dad that way, I guess,” Dani goes on, gently holding the cotton bandage up to the wound. She reaches down, clasps Jamie’s wrist, eases her up to hold the square in place. “Hang onto that a sec. My dad, he was...softer than other kids’. He always knew how to clean my scrapes without making me cry. Never quite got the hang of that, after--he died when I was eight, I dunno if you knew that--”

Jamie shakes her head. Dani, patiently cutting a strip of tape, shrugs.

“Got sick. Was gone almost before I knew it. And my mom was never...much good at any of that, so I had to learn how to patch myself up. The alcohol was always the worst part. Almost.”

“Almost?” Jamie repeats. Dani is replacing her hand with deft fingers, adhering the bandage with simple efficiency. When she checks a mirror later, she suspects the whole affair will be neat, orderly, perfectly applied.

“Yeah,” Dani says, leaning back to observe her handiwork. She seems satisfied, piling everything back into the first aid kit, closing it with a click. “Worst part was after. He would always find the best bandaid--something brightly-colored, or with cartoon characters--and then he’d lean over whatever I’d busted open that day, and he’d kiss the spot twice. Once for forgiveness, he always said, to let the skin know he didn’t blame it for bleeding. And once for healing. Two kisses, every time. It felt like magic. I could never...”

She quiets, her smile fading. It’s too easy for Jamie to imagine a small girl with a blonde braid, kissing her own scraped knee after a fall, knowing full-well it wouldn’t be the same. Too easy to imagine Dani at eight--eleven--thirteen, patching herself back together on her own.

“Well,” Jamie says, clearing her throat. “You left a bit out, then.”

Dani raises her eyes, frowning. “Sorry?”

“Did the patching,” Jamie points out. Her mouth is weirdly dry, her head thundering away. This is, she senses, navigating too close to the brink of something. Friendship, maybe. Or just Dani thinking she’s making fun. And still, she can’t stop herself. “Seems like you forgot the magic.”

Dani hesitates, her hands folded in her lap. She’s picking, Jamie realizes, at one cuticle, nearly enough to tear the skin.

“Go on, then,” she adds, heartened to see Dani’s grave expression tilting toward the sun. “Forgiveness and healing. Could use a little of both, maybe.”

She doesn’t know what she expects, exactly--even saying this feels like the product of insanity, a crack on the head urging her toward things she’d never normally try--but Dani draws a breath. Folds a hand around the back of her head, fingers sifting into curls. Leans forward.

It hurts, a little, Dani pressing her lips to the bandage, though she knows Dani is being gentle. Hurts a little, and sparks something Jamie hadn’t meant to let in, too. She closes her eyes, Dani’s kiss seeming to scorch.

“Once for forgiveness,” Dani murmurs, lips brushing the skin of her forehead. Another kiss, sweet and soft and sending an electric charge down her spine. “Once for healing.”

She doesn’t lean back, not right away--her hand is warm, her eyes searching Jamie’s, and for a single beat, Jamie wants to tilt her chin. Coax that gentle kiss to find her lips. Change it all.

The concussion, she assures herself, responsible for the reckless impulse. Responsible, too, for the thread of disappointment coiling in her stomach when Dani removes her hand, places it back in her lap, shakes her head almost ruefully.

“He was better at it.”

“Maybe,” Jamie says. “But I can be clumsy, too. Stay long enough, you might get enough practice to measure up.”

Dani meets her eyes, looking embarrassed, looking delighted. Jamie rubs the back of her neck, casting around for a way out of this hole she’s dug.

“Listen to me. Take enough thumps to the head, I’m gonna starting spewing puns like Owen.”

“Oh no,” Dani laughs. “Anything but that.”

She has to go, she explains, back to the kids. Jamie’s welcome to join them--she’s got a game of cards planned, and they could use a fourth. Jamie almost agrees. Almost lets herself follow Dani into the house, her fingers straying mindlessly to brush the fresh bandage sealed with a kiss.

“Shouldn’t,” she says--to Dani, to herself, to the burgeoning heat in her cheeks as she recalls how gently Dani had pressed her lips to the wound. “Work to be done, y’know.”

Dani nods. “See you at dinner?”

She should say no to that, too. Should go home to her little flat, to the quiet which always makes perfect sense, which never turns up with a first aid kit and assertive hands.

“Yeah. Dinner.” She’s smiling. Dani, leaning against the doorframe, is, too.

“No more knocks on the noggin,” she adds with mock-gravity. Jamie snorts, gives a careless little salute.

“No fuckin’ promises.”

It’s difficult to say what’s harder to ignore, when Dani’s gone and the work rises up to meet her once more. Hard to say which part--the thumping of the headache, or the memory of Dani Clayton’s lips pressed to her forehead--has a greater hold on the rest of her day. No one asks, and she’s honestly relieved.

If asked, Jamie would insist the headache has won out. If asked, she’d have no other choice.

If asked, Jamie would absolutely lie.

#fanfiction #ficlet #the haunting of bly manor #dani x jamie #damie #physical affection tag

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